#dammit noonien

[dataentryspecialist]

I feel so validated reading some of these answers because they align so well with my own thoughts. And I need to talk about this!

In particular, knowing that Brent had an abusive upbringing is 1) heartbreaking but also 2) gives us something in common. Having a choice, id wish neither of us had such a tragic thing shared, but at least I'm in good company (shoutout to Wil Wheaton for being so forthright in that struggle as well).

I'd always suspected he pulled a little from that when shooting "Brothers." Playing Lore and showing the adult anger towards his old man but the boy who just wanted to be loved. Maybe because I dealt with those feelings myself is how I picked up on it? Idk. But I always wondered about that.

And his analysis of Noonien is SO SPOT ON for how I see him like damn, Brent. I fucking love you.

"And I think all the way up to Noonien Soong, really, they’re all his projects. They’re like any narcissist. They can love [their children] to a certain degree, but it’s really how it reflects on them. How it makes them look.

Noonien created Data, and after his failures with Lore and B4, his success with Data is particularly satisfying because it’s his achievement that’s satisfying. What he’s done, and not so much what Data does."

[dataentryspecialist]

Alllll of this.

Noonien is so obsessed with tinkering that he ignores his own creations once he's finished with them. Including his wife.

The only woman he'd ever loved isn't immune to his tunnel vision.

Lore and Data both desperately need the other to have a family and not be alone. But Lore was set up to fail and Data is so rigid in his "morality programming" that there's no middle ground to be found.

If Lore ever found out about B4, I think he would have been extremely protective. Another brother of his who was discarded just like he was rather than fixed. The image that comes to mind is like a Rainman situation. Lore starting off perhaps distrustful and selfish but deep down caring for his brother. By the end he will fight for him to the point of burning the Federation to the ground to protect him. But then there's Data...

Ugh. These boys. So much childhood trauma turned up to 11.

how could you not be obsessed with the soong's when this whole family are designed to make each other depressed

a brilliant man who fathers androids in his own likeness, more concerned with the continuation of his legacy and research than with showing love to his own children

a kind woman with so much love to give but her husband and children can't love her back in the same way (except maybe lore, but we know that at some point she came to fear him and he was deactivated)

[spoiler] the eldest android, one of noonien's first prototypes, who lacks the positronic net his younger brothers are built with. i can only assume he was treated differently by his father for the "failure" he built him with

the middle child who is designed with all the faculties of someone who can experience the best and worst of humanity and is punished for becoming wayward as a result, with little to no guidance or help ("you could have fixed me!")

the youngest android who is perfectly suspended behind the window of humanity and spends his life trailing after it, constantly in search of fitting in when he's aware it may never happen. if this father truly loved any of them, data was the most loved - which begs the question: was noonien so afraid of showing love that he required a son who couldn't know the difference?

and then you've got:

data not remembering anything about his family (wiped clean) but he has all the memories of the colonists who feared him ???

[spoiler] juliana's memories and humanity being unknowingly transferred into an android because her husband couldn't bear the thought of losing her, something which data learns after he meets her decades after the memory-wipe, but noonien still ends up losing her when she leaves years later and remarries

[spoiler] the conflict of morality when choosing whether to tell your mother she is now an android because you're desperate to have some sort of a family to share your life with, and not telling her to save her happiness !!!!!!!!!!!

data being left behind out in the cold on omicron theta while the crystalline entity destroyed the colony and all organic life on the planet, because juliana was afraid that he would turn out like lore and she couldn't bear the thought of damning another son to a life of misery

lore and data clearly feeling some sort of sibling connection but neither of them being well equipped to be the perfect brother. lore is on a crusade for a satisfaction that he'll never achieve without his family's help and data is too rigid to fully understand the intricacies. there have been too many betrayals and too much hurt for data to let lore in willingly (+ vise versa but the Mentally Ill edition)

b-4 being entirely too good for this world. he deserved so much more

this family is one of the most fucked up things about star trek. roddenberry didn't want to introduce conflict into the utopian series and so while it's a beautiful vision to aspire to, it's got this naïve and unfulfilled feel to it. people and stories thrive on conflict & solution, so the writers must have an exceptionally difficult time keeping things interesting for us. tng pulled it out of the bag with the soong tragedies

[mortegas]

La'an trusts Erica completely, at least when it comes to her piloting skills -

but she doesn't always like her very much.

image source

[hummingbird-of-light]

June of Doom Day 26

26. “I made a mistake.”                           

| Ambulance | Hopelessness | Numb |

TW: major character injury, blood, abuse

A/N: Alternate Universe - Selkie

~

Khan Noonien Singh ran a hand through his already messy hair as he took another huge gulp of his drink. He needed to get drunk. He needed to forget what he felt so guilty about.

But every time he closed his eyes, he saw the same face over and over again.

Pale skin, grey eyes, a beautiful smile. The most gorgeous thing he had ever seen.

And the pirate had been stupid enough to betray that wonderful man who had saved his life. He had sold him to a horrible man, in exchange for... yeah, for what? For nothing!

Khan had killed them. He had killed Marcus and his men. Yet still, nothing had changed. For nothing would bring back his crew to him.

He blinked away the tears in his eyes and emptied the glass of Scotch.

Memories of the last months passed him by.

After he had exchanged Montgomery - the Selkie who had helped him - for some dynamite, he had destroyed Marcus' ship. In hindsight, it had been a bad idea since every single soldier was after him now. They wanted him to hang.

But that wasn't Khan's biggest problem. No... The worst thing was the feeling of regret gnawing at him. He had repaid Montgomery's kindness with treason. He was a horrible man.

The pirate had searched for the man who had bought the Selkie from him, but Harry Mudd was nowhere to be found. How could that bastard travel the land so fast?

Hopelessness filled Khan.

He'd never find him. He'd never break Montgomery free.

The pirate had tried every town, every village he had crossed. But he knew that he wasn't nearly as fast as Mudd with his carriage.

Still, he had to continue his search. Somewhere... Montgomery was waiting for help.

"Ye want another drink, laddie?"

Khan's tired eyes met the barkeeper's and he shook his head.

"No, thank you. I have to go on."

He got to his unsteady feet and stumbled out of the bar. He had drunk too much this time. But he couldn't care less. He had to search on.

Khan's feet carried him out of town and he followed the path through a deep forest.

The next town. The next place to search for Montgomery.

At first he thought that he was imagining things, when he saw a light in the dark. But soon enough the smell of a bonfire found its way into his nose.

Quietly, Khan sneaked closer to the light and he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a familar carriage.

His heart skipped a beat.

It was really him! It was Mudd!

The man didn't look too happy though. He was sitting close to the fire, wrapped in a blanket. However, as Khan looked closer, he realized that it wasn't a blanket.

He gritted his teeth in anger. It... was Montgomery's fur.

Khan's eyes searched the surroundings and... there! Montgomery was locked up in the same cage he had last seen him in.

His naked body was trembling from the cold. How dare Mudd steal his fur?! He had sworn not to hurt the Selkie!

Khan sneaked closer and he saw Mudd glancing over at the cage.

"I just don't understand it. The people pay less and less to see you, my friend. They've had enough of the magical Selkie apparently. And I'm running out of money. It's really annoying that pretty ladies want to get paid so much for their attention."

The pirate listened to the man's quiet mumbling.

"It's getting colder everyday, but I can't pay for a room to spend the night at. Dammit, I can't even pay for the food anymore."

Montgomery didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arms tighter around his body, shivering from the cold.

"I think you no longer have any value for me."

Khan watched as Mudd got up from where he was sitting and stepped over to the carriage. Slowly, the man opened the cage and threw the fur at the Selkie.

"Change."

From where he was standing, Khan could see something horrifying. There... were bruises. All over Montgomery's body. Mudd must have hit him... or worse.

The Selkie reached for his fur and a bucket of water with trembling hands. There was fear in his eyes. Apparently he knew that he had to listen to Mudd.

Once again Khan could only watch in disbelief as the human form of Montgomery changed into a seal. It was still unbelievable.

He moved even closer to the carriage and his stomach dropped, when he saw Mudd kneeling down next to seal, grabbing it by its neck.

"Very good, my friend. Now... I think you're flesh is good enough for a nice warm stew to keep me fed for the next weeks."

Khan clenched his fists in anger. That bastard!

As soon as he saw the knife in Mudd's hand, the pirate reacted. He threw himself against the carriage, causing Mudd to stumble and fall.

The man blinked in surprise and it took him a moment to realize what had happened. Enough time for Montgomery to move.

The seal took off its fur, quickly turning back into a human, and stumbled out of the cage.

Khan caught him and pulled the Selkie behind him, ready to protect him.

"Montgomery!"

The Selkie tried to break free from Khan's grip on his wrist, but stopped and stared in shock when he saw Mudd standing in front them with the knife.

"Khan! What a surprise! I didn't think, I'd see you again."

There it was again. That dirty grin on the man's face. Khan glared at him.

"I came back to claim what rightfully belongs to me," he snarled and Mudd couldn't help but laugh.

"What belongs to you? This Selkie is mine! You sold it to me, remember?"

Khan swallowed hardly, remembering what he had done.

"I made a mistake."

He could feel Montgomery go tense behind him, heard him suck in a sharp breath.

"My revenge... wasn't worth it."

Mudd just grinned.

"Now that's a change of mind, isn't it? Well... I guess I'll just kill both of you then. Heard the bounty for you is quite high."

Khan didn't think for too long. He jumped at the man and a furious fight started. Both men took blows, but also scored some good hits. And when Khan finally snapped the bastard's neck, he let out a deep sigh.

He had saved him. He had saved Montgomery's life.

His eyes fell onto the Selkie who was still standing in his place, trembling. His eyes were wide as he stared at the pirate.

Slowly, Khan managed to get to his feet. He was unsteady again.

"Montgomery... I... I'm so sorry. I should have never... sold you."

Khan's hand found the Selkie's cheek and he stroked it gently. He should have never been so stupid.

When Khan noticed that Montgomery wasn't looking at his face but somewhere else, he looked down at himself.

Only then he felt the burning pain in his stomach. Only then he saw all the blood.

The knife. Mudd had stabbed him!

Slowly, Khan looked back up into Montgomery's eyes, before he collapsed.

He had done everything that needed to be done. He had saved the Selkie... and he had apologized. Now he could die.

++++++++

When Khan woke up, he was confused. Why? Why was he able to wake up? Shouldn't he be dead?

His eyes wandered around and he found, that he was still on that clearing. The sun was rising already.

The pirate looked down and noticed that his injury was bandaged with some piece of cloth. Slowly, his eyes moved around and he saw a familar person, leaning against a tree.

Montgomery.

The Selkie had actually saved him once more. After everything Khan had done to him.

Tears filled the pirate's eyes and this time he let them fall.

How? How could one single creature be so good to him? He didn't deserve it.

When Montgomery woke up and looked at him, there was a weak smile on his face.

"Okay?" he asked and Khan nodded slightly. Yes... he was okay. Thanks to the Selkie.

++++++++

Khan never understood why Montgomery did it, but he was very grateful to him. So when he was able to move again, he did the only thing he could do for the Selkie.

He brought him home. Back to the shore where they had met.

And when he watched the human turn into a seal this time, he knew that it would be the last time that he saw that miracle.

Montgomery disappeared into the deep blue sea. And it was the most gorgeous thing that Khan had ever seen. It was a sight, he'd never forget.

[barebcnes]

Plotted, closed starter for @paramounticebound ♥

There's something surreal about the situation he's in; In fact, absolutely fucking everything is surreal about it, and yet here Leonard is, with his fingers swiping across what is essentially ancient technology, so old in fact that he had to do a proper amount of research before even attempting to put his fingers to good use.

Actually, part of him keeps wondering - why does he do this? Why the fuck did he decide to be here, right now, instead of staying somewhere nice for the duration of the Enterprise's repair? He could be literally anywhere, residing at a damn beach maybe, accompanied by a nice drink (Bourbon, definitely) and the ocean beneath his feet while recovering from the recent events.

But no, he's not. Leonard McCy is currently standing in what is most familiar to him: An Infirmary. Not just any, however, but a high-security one belonging to Starfleet, currently housing seventy-two (no, seventy-three!) frozen patients.

Soon it will be seventy-two, however, because guess what: McCoy is actually thawing one of them right now, the one that has caused a massive path of destruction (and a lot of headaches on top of that!). Perhaps he should question himself a bit more; He's absolutely fucking sober and yet here he is, having volunteered to do exactly that.

"---Gonna end up in hell, I guess.", is what he mumbles to himself as the pod opens; He's holding a data-padd in his free hand, continiously scanning the one with that familiar face, making sure he's not dying on him. Putting him back into cryosleep had been the most logical thing to do, but... dammit, he's a living being, that guy named Khan, and he deserves to get a fucking trial like everyone else would.

And, besides that, there might be more to him, actually. More to his story than what they all know by now...

Perhaps that's why Leonard is here. At least to a certain degree. He's human, he's sworn an oath, he's a doctor, all of those things have brought him where he currently is. I can handle him, he's said a few days ago, I have seen what he can do, I have studied his blood - at least a bit, I didn't have much time - and I know what he's capable of. Besides that, I'm a doctor, I have performed an emergency c-section on a damn pregnant Gorn, I know how to wake up patients from ancient cryosleep! (Not that said c-section has anything to do with handling 300 years old icicles, but still...)

Anyways - Does he know? No time to question anything - because McCoy is already here, and he cannot leave anymore. Fuck.

"---Easy.", is what he says next, as soon as he sees a spike within Khan's vitals. It must be unpleasant to wake up under such conditions - the body remains cold for a while, suspects start shivering in an attempt to warm themselves up, nausea usually appears as well as dizzyness and confusion. As much as the anger about what has happened mere days ago still boils within the doctor's core - he's just that, a doctor. He cares for his patients, even if one of them is named Khan Noonien Singh.

Who has been frozen - and thawed - twice by now, on top of it all. It must be even more unpleasant to go through that whole deal multiple times within a rather short amount of time.

"Easy, easy.", he repeats like a mantra, hazel eyes flicking back and forth, focusing on his data-padd and on the man's features. His heart-rate is quite high, which is normal, but also a bit concerning, all things considered. "---It's just cryosleep. You're waking up from it. Try to remain calm and take even, deep breaths..." Easier said than done, but still - Leonard is at least trying to comfort that Augment here.

[dataentryspecialist]

This episode is the most Lore we see him imo. S1 is kinda hokey in bits and Lore is a little mustache twirly because it doesn't bother to really get into his motives. Descent shows his strong desire for a family but he's been "twisted" (to borrow from Noonien) by the emotion chip

In Brothers, we see someone who has been abandoned by his narcissistic father in favor of the golden child. Lore is understandably hurt and angry over how he was tossed aside and left to rot on a shelf and yet when he finds out his father is dying... Dammit it's still his father. In spite of all the hurt he loves the man. He always did. And that's how his heart was broken by him. Because no matter what Lore could have done, it was never enough. He was never good enough for his old man and that kind of pain becomes a part of you forever.

Rewatching TNG and seeing Lore suddenly become genuinely concerned about Noonien's declining health was genuinely heartbreaking. I cannot get over how well Brent Spiner plays this whole family. Going from this devious person who claims he hates his father to suddenly worried about him, but still keeping the same characterisations? Increadible! Whilst also playing the passive Data and the aging and remorseful Noonien in the same scene!? Cannot get enough Soong family content.

[thekenobee]

New Strange New Worlds pics!

[bluesakura007]

Undeniable - Chapter 3: How Dare You - Khan Noonien Singh x OC

Summary: Zin’s revelation in the courtroom sparks disapproval and an argument with two crewmates who aren’t that keen on letting her go with Khan on the exile sentence she suggested. 

Warning: This chapter’s a little bit of an angsty one.

"We're not seriously gonna let her do this are we?" Said the CMO.

"I think we should. I mean it’s her choice, so if she’s certain that it’s what she wants to do then us trying to stop her’s just not right." Scotty replied.

"What is also not right, Mr. Scott, is to allow lieutenant-commander Hamilton to make that choice and thereby ultimately risk her life at the hands of Khan if she does decide to accompany him in exile." Spock, afterwards, added his own viewpoint. "I am in agreement with Dr. McCoy."

Bones himself momentarily looked off into the distance in reaction to this second sentence. "Still one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve heard in a while."

They and the other five senior crewmembers, which was except for the woman in question and included Carol, were currently gathered together in one of the court building’s empty conference rooms several floors up, all standing in various places around this room in equally varying positions. Some of them were leaning against the wall, others weren’t, some had their arms crossed and the rest instead had them at their sides, during which the cold, white sunlight outside touched, essentially, every surface in sight.

"Chekov, what are you thinking about this?" Kirk asked this ensign.

Pavel appeared to be somewhat hesitant and anxious about providing his answer, but responded after a second or two with, "I agree with Mr. Scott, sir - if Zinalya wants to do this then I don’t think we should stop her."

"I personally don’t know which side to take in this." Said Sulu. "We’ve all seen what Khan can do and what he has done, and I’m as worried about her as the rest of you, but at the same time if she thinks she can help to change him by going with him then we should at least let her try."

"So you’re on the fence?" Said Jim.

"Yes sir."

The captain sighed quietly to himself, in agreement with these points which had just been mentioned and having realised around a minute prior that this was what Zinalya's request for advice the previous evening regarding a "transfer" had really been about. "To be honest with you I’m feeling the same way. I'm on the fence too."

"And me." Uhura nodded her head.

"And me." Carol additionally contributed to the discussion.

"Khan is a highly dangerous man, Doctor; a dangerous man who should not be permitted to leave the Federation with one of Starfleet’s own officers." As Spock put in another point in reply to the blonde woman, it was after this sentence was spoken when, in the doorway behind him, the burgundy haired one who was the subject of all these different sides of the argument suddenly turned up. "Such a course of action would not only mean he has caused her to leave behind a career she has been building on for several years, but will also bring disrepute to Starfleet and put the Federation’s trust in us at risk."

During this, Scotty, Pavel and the others who had the doorway in their line of sight looked at where Zinalya was standing with surprise at her appearance and with a little bit of a desire for her not to have been there to hear Spock. Regardless of the matter at hand, they all still didn’t want to offend her if they could avoid it.

It took a moment of silence for Spock to realise that they were looking behind him at something, to which he turned around to see that she was indeed standing right there. He opened his mouth ever so slightly upon seeing her, as if he was about to say something but didn't know what, and his abrupt realisation was being channelled through the look in his eyes.

Zinalya snorted derisively through her nose at this expression upon his face and fully entered into the room. "No, it's okay, just carry on like I'm not even here why don't you?" She didn't show it externally, but she did feel a tiny twinge of guilt at the way she'd spoken, as she was usually a mild-mannered enough person.

Spock finally managed to pose the question, "What is it that you see in Khan which makes him so endearing to you?"

"Why I’ve got feelings for him?"

"Yes."

Now it was her turn to be stumped for what to say next. "Because I don’t fully know why, but I feel a little like he’s lonely, and like he’s been through a lot because of admiral Marcus." She answered calmly.

"Oh yeah? And whose fault is it that Marcus can’t be brought to answer for what he’s done?" Said McCoy, to which a look of painful recollection crossed Carol’s features for only a second. Despite her clearly expressing her shame beforehand for this admiral to be her father, she could nonetheless oh so vividly remember the sound of his skull being split by Khan and the way in which the latter conveyed his final words to him: You should have let me sleep.

"My decision still stands: I do wanna go with him if they do give him the exile sentence instead of putting him back into stasis." Zinalya said firmly in answer.

The doctor’s eyes narrowed and his jaws tensed up. "Are you out of your bagel-fed mind? God only knows what Khan’ll do to you!"

"You weren’t there when he was crying back on the Enterprise. He was talking about how everyone he had left who he knew and who mattered to him were used against him and most probably killed by then, and he only cried one tear - he was hurting and he still didn’t know how to express it and get it all out. He’s a troubled man, Bones."

"You sound like you’re his goddamn therapist..." He commented to himself, which caused the previously placid and collected Zinalya to suddenly feel a surge of irritation coursing through her body.

"If Khan wanted to hurt me, he would’ve already done it by now." She snarled back through gritted teeth. Pavel turned to look at Scotty, both of them beginning to experience concern at the rising tension between their friend and the Southern doctor. "Somebody with his capabilities would've just done whatever the hell they wanted with no restraint."

"That does not excuse his actions which he has committed, which include the deaths of admiral Pike and the numerous others from the bombing of the Kelvin Memorial Archive and the USS Vengeance's crash into San Francisco." Said Spock. "And even of the captain."

"Yeah, we're all very well aware of how you handled that one." Zinalya, unblinking and with the stony expression on her face still present, responded, recalling one of her own memories of Khan, on that day they were referring to, getting practically dragged through the Enterprise with several gashes across his face and with a broken right arm, and the way Uhura described Spock's rage-fuelled fight against him which caused these injuries. Jim, the revived man himself, was now feeling the same concern at the conversation's growing friction that Scotty and Chekov were.

"Is it absolutely definite that you want to leave with him, lassie?" This chief engineer enquired.

"It is." She nodded.

"There you go then, case closed." Scotty was attempting to finish the discussion so that the source of the almost tangible tension would be cut off.

"It's not just 'case closed'!" Retorted McCoy, before turning his attention back towards the security chief and raising his voice. "Dammit Zin, we're trying to help you out here! Do you wanna end up dead or something?!"

"No of course I don't, but it's nice to be allowed to have a choice!" She snapped back.

"You mean like how you've got the choice of having a relationship and maybe even settling down with pretty much any guy out there that you want, any actually good enough guys out there in the world and in the whole damn Federation, and you picked Khan, a guy who's basically a murderous ass?" He hissed aggressively.

Zinalya fell silent after this was said, matching what the others had already been doing during the last few seconds. And then some moments later, without hesitation, she marched across the room towards Bones and slapped him across the face. Hard.

Everyone's eyes widened, with Kirk, in addition, even doing a brief whistle in this same surprise. Bones' head had been jerked back to one side by the force of the slap, and while he looked back with incredulity at Zinalya, who was now only a few inches in front of him, he spent about half a second using his fingertips on one hand for feeling the area of his left cheek where he'd been hit.

"How dare you." Her voice was only just higher than a whisper, during which her features morphed into a full, deadly glare and the volume of her voice then kicked up again by several notches to the point where she was now shouting at him. "How dare you dictate who I can and can't like and what I can and can't think about someone!"

Feeling as if she'd been betrayed by a man who was supposed to be one of her trusted comrades, it was immediately after she'd finished speaking when Zinalya turned around and stormed back out of the room and away down the corridor, leaving the others with a range of different emotions but with the main one being shock at what had just taken place.

[evervexinghexes]

So Elizabeth Olsen addressed Whitewashing Concerns About Wanda...

I got a few asks about this topic, I guess Elizabeth Olsen was asked the Telegraph about how her casting as Wanda could be perceived as whitewashing. She said “I didn’t know people said it about my character, because she is from eastern Europe… I mean I look Russian when I’m in Russia [she studied theatre there for a time], so I didn’t know”. And, to be honest, I don’t know how she could better respond to this question...well, yes I do. But I just mean to say that what if she then asked the interviewer “So then how should I look?” or “What would a correct actress look like or originate from?” - then what would they say? If you’re asking John Wayne that same question about portraying Genghis Khan then there’s an answer. If you’re asking Benedict Cumberbatch about playing Khan Noonien Singh then there’s an answer there as well. The presentation of those actors isn’t congruous to what it should be or would be in even an approximate reality like Hollywood. 

When Elizabeth Olsen was cast, Wanda was (and IS, dammit!) the product of a Polish Romani woman and an Ashkenazi Jewish male- that product of the two could very easily be and often are fair-skinned or at least somewhat. I’ve seen all kinds of both, there’s no set way either can look which isn’t to say they aren’t still minorities, that they aren’t still discriminated against. Aaron Taylor-Johnson said he is Jewish once but as far as I knew when watching the movie the first time, he was just another Brit. It didn’t add or take away from his performance. 

Also, a huge part of Wanda and Pietro’s history revolves around being forsaken. The peculiar, amazing, sci-fi-fantasy-period piece epic that I still regard as their true origin saw them being cast out by their own for being mutants. To me, this kinda made them the ultimate mutants (CAN YOU HEAR ME, MARVEL!?). They were a twofold “other” who weren’t encompassed by the tradition or convention of cultural context which made them very unique, I think. I’m not sure they fit neatly into this Romani/Judaic Ambassador box, it’s more than that- they’re the ultimate outcast others. They’ve risen from grief, from loss, from decay, from isolation- they’re very universal which is why I think fans are so passionate about them. God, I love those two. 

[ghostpunkrock]

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we investigate the Farragut house to attempt to answer the question: are ghosts real?” *Bones looks directly at the camera and raises an eyebrow*

The Eyebrow becomes a reaction image you use after your friend says the dumbest shit ever

Bones: “hey ghosts! come try to kill us!” Jim: “please don’t actually do that” Bones: “my friend doesn’t want to be killed, but he’d love a nice big kiss from you!” Jim: “I don’t want that either don’t listen to him”

Bones starts every investigation off by asking if there’s any hot ghostly singles in the house

Jim: “we’re reaching out to Khan Noonien Singh are you here with us tonight?” Bones: “we heard you were a real dick” Jim: “.....yeah i’m with him on this one, you were kind of a dick”

Harry Mudd has a cameo each season and somehow always swindles them into a fake ghost tour

before an investigation the crew goes out and gets suuuuper wasted

scotty buys at least three rounds of shots for the table

the footage that chekov’s not swearing in he’s saying shit like “oh Sarah Winchester, she was a famous Russian spiritualist”

“dammit Jim I’m a journalist not a ghost hunter”

“another investigation in the books for the boner bros!” “Jim I told you we’re not calling ourselves that” “...the broners?”

Jim gets really worked up and scared in the end and is always so happy to leave

“Time’s up ghosts! didn’t get to take me on a date, but you can KISS THIS ASS GOODBYE FOREVER” “too much, Jim, too much”

Bonus:

The show gets canceled after the episode where they find the alien man in the woods. Sometime after that a new guy joins the science writing team and everyone assumes he’s a gay hipster because he always wears a beanie and clearly does his eyebrows

Combining the two shows I’m binge watching:

Star Trek Buzzfeed Unsolved AU

Jim is the believer, Bones is the skeptic

Bones gets his nickname because one time Jim explains that spirits are connected to their remains and Leonard spends the rest of the episode picking up random objects and going “look at these bones! There must be a spirit here!!!”

As Jim’s theories get weirder and weirder, Bones always says “I need a drink, when can we have brandy on this show?”

“And that brings us to Theory #4–“ “I swear to god if you say aliens...”

Sulu and Chekhov are their cameramen, Scotty’s their video editor, and Uhura’s their audio specialist

They have to scrap half the footage because it has Chekhov swearing in Russian everytime there’s a weird sound

The other half they have to reshoot because Uhura will stop and say “wait.... I hear something” and Jim goes Omg what and she says “the ghosts are telling me... they think you’re an idiot”

Bones high fives her everytime “nice one”

“Are ya feeling tingly yet Jim?” “Shut the fuck up man”

They do more investigations into like alien crash sites

Bones: “I don’t think the Gorn is gonna show himself to us because he’s a SCALY LITTLE BITCH” Jim: “why are you provoking him!!! There’s reports of him crushing people’s skulls!!”

They’re poking around somewhere and Bones goes “I think I saw lights over there” “shut up I know you’re messing with me” “no I really saw something this time”

They run into the woods and they find a strange man among some wreckage

“That’s not an alien, that’s a drunk LOTR cosplayer who got lost coming back from ComicCon, you see his ears?”

“How do you explain the spaceship?” “It’s not a spaceship, it’s one of them fucking new hovercars”

Jim tells everyone to turn their cameras off and Sulu’s like “but this is the best footage we’ve gotten out of the whole show” “turn them OFF”

Fan speculation runs CRAZY after this but it’s never revealed what happens because the last video ends on the screen powering down and they never post another episode