#daino rants

[dainobones]

lately i've been in a real deep slump with writing. it's not a block, i can do it when i want to, but there's so many external factors since i started writing professionally that get in the way and i dont want to do it as much. i've essentially lost sight of what makes me love writing, and who i'm writing for.

but every day, i get an email from ao3 with a list of kudoses. i almost never remember the fics themselves, or am embarrassed by the lack of effort/quality/etc relative to my last writing project. they're like something i wrote in another life. that doesn't matter, though. what matters is the moment i see that email and remember, oh. things i wrote over a decade ago are still being found and enjoyed.

so i just want to say, thank you to the people who leave kudoses on fics. that extra time you took to click a button let me know you liked something i wrote, and that matters to me a lot.

i feel like a lot of the posts i see on tumblr are about how kudoses aren't enough. and look, i love comments/reviews as much as any writer, but i think there's a lot of value in a kudos too. i wrote something, someone read it, and liked it. that's an amazing thing too.

[pangeanews]

Marcos, l’uomo cresciuto tra i lupi, oggi ha a 72 anni e vuole tornare nei boschi. Ma il mito del “buon selvaggio” è una prodigiosa bugia

Infine. Divenne un clown, un freak, un fenomeno da baraccone. L’ultimo degli ‘uomini-lupo’.

*

Di Marcos Rodríguez Pantoja si è parlato molto, la sua storia non è una crudele ma eroica novella di Rudyard Kipling, è una storia dell’orrore.

*

Spagnolo, nato nel giugno del 1946, famiglia molto povera, Andalusia. Il papà si trasferisce a Madrid, operaio in una fabbrica di mattoni – la mamma di Marcos muore. Il papà da solo non ce la fa a badare a Marcos e ai suoi due fratelli. Si risposa. I fratelli di Marcos vengono spediti da alcuni familiari, a Barcellona, lui, il più piccolo, resta con il papà. Trasferimento a Cardeña, ancora Andalusia, campagna. Marcos bada a un paio di maiali. La matrigna lo obbliga a rubare le ghiande dai campi del vicino. Con quelle Marcos nutre i maiali e si nutre. La matrigna lo mena. A sei anni, Marcos viene mandato in montagna, da un pastore, a portare al pascolo le sue pecore. Il pastore dice a Marcos: ‘tuo padre ti ha venduto – a me’. Il pastore abusa di Marcos. Il pastore un giorno muore. Marcos resta da solo. Marcos sa come trovare cibo nel bosco. Piuttosto che tornare dalla sua famiglia, preferisce stare tra le bestie selvatiche. “A sette anni entra in contatto, da quello che dice, con i lupi. Ha fatto amicizia con volpi e serpenti, aveva in odio il cinghiale. Parlava, dice, con un misto di grugniti e ululati. ‘Non so dire in quale lingua, ma ho parlato’”.

*

Marcos vive nei boschi della Sierra Morena dal 1953 al 1965, per dodici anni. Quando la polizia lo scopre, ha 19 anni, è avvolto in una pelle di daino, ha capelli lunghi e attorcigliati. Cerca di fuggire. Urla. Gli agenti lo catturano, gli legano mani e polsi, lo portano in un convento di Madrid, dalle suore, che Dio rammendi ciò che la natura ha deturpato.

*

Di Marcos si torna a parlare, con prepotenza, nel 2010, quando Gerardo Olivares gira un docufilm di un certo successo, Among Wolves. Di Marcos si torna a riparlare oggi perché, più di cinquant’anni dopo i fatti, il ragazzo dei boschi, oggi un anziano settantenne, in pensione, che abita in Galizia, nel minuscolo borgo di Rante, non ne vuole sapere degli uomini, non è mai riuscito a integrarsi nel consesso umano, vuole tornare nei boschi. Dopo un articolo di Silvia R. Pontevedra, pubblicato da El Pais il 29 marzo scorso, si è mossa la stampa inglese: per il Guardian Matthew Bremner è andato in Spagna, ha incontrato Marcos, ha ricostruito in modo dettagliato la sua vicenda, ha scritto un reportage denso di spunti, How to be human: the man who was raised by wolves.

*

Come dire, la stampa acconcia tutto a festa. Così, una storia tragica – diciamo che Marcos non è Mowgli – evolve in racconto pop. In effetti, chi di noi non ha sentito l’urgenza di lasciare la città – specchio della mente polimorfica della creatura umana, icona della ‘cultura’ – per i boschi, ululando in coro con i lupi?

*

La storia di Marcos, piuttosto, ricorda quella di un idiota dostoevskijano. Marcos fa tanti lavori nella sua vita tra gli umani – dal barista al muratore allo spazzino – ma non trova la pace boschiva. Gli uomini, resi scaltri dal ‘mondo’, lo vessano, lo giocano, lo prendono in giro. Una volta Marcos è beccato per spaccio di ‘maria’: il suo padrone gli aveva detto che era un farmaco e di darlo a tutti gli avventori che ne avessero fatto richiesta. Al di là degli sketch occasionali – la prima volta che ascolta una radio, Marcos pensa che lì, in quella scatola di legno e metallo, siano rinchiusi degli uomini, per questo la spacca – colpiscono due cose. Marcos non conosce l’importanza del denaro, che è il verbo principale delle relazioni tra gli uomini. E non conosce le sottigliezze della retorica: “Quando un uomo parla, di solito intende un’altra cosa da quella che dice. Tra gli animali non è così”, dice Marcos, invero con una certa malizia.

*

Come si sa, nel 1800 fu catturato l’uomo-lupo più celebrato d’Europa. Si chiamava Victor dell’Aveyron, e nessuno riuscì a ricostruirne la storia né a capire chi fossero i genitori. Aveva vissuto nei boschi del Massiccio centrale francese: beccato una prima volta nel 1797, scappò ripetutamente dalle grinfie umane fino a essere predato da alcuni cacciatori nel 1800. Era nudo, non sapeva parlare, mangiava ghiande, frutti spontanei, insetti. Divenne un ‘freak’ che attizzò l’entusiasmo dell’intelligenza del tempo, presa a speculare intorno alle doti del ‘buon selvaggio’. Quando l’interesse cominciò a scemare, Victor fu spedito, dal 1811, in una casa privata, prossima a un istituto per sordomuti, morendo, dimenticato, nel 1828.

*

Gli uomini – insegnano gli uomini cresciuti nei boschi – fanno davvero paura, allora.

*

Forse i boschi educano a una ferocia che è chiamata ‘bene’ nella civiltà umana. Forse sono le parole, la destrezza verbale, l’origine del male – corruzione, menzogna, sopruso. Tramite le parole si convince, si seduce, si stordisce. Di certo, è un assurdo tornare allo ‘stato di natura’: l’uomo è uomo perché decide di sradicarsi dalla natura, di recidere i propri rapporti vitali con la natura. L’uomo piega la natura ai propri bisogni.

*

Recentemente ho parlato con Jan Brokken. Lo scrittore olandese che ha fatto del ‘romanzo biografico’ un genere d’eccellenza, dopo aver dato voce a Dostoevskij (ne Il giardino dei cosacchi), ha ricostruito la leggenda di Jungle Rudy (così il libro appena edito da Iperborea). Rudy Truffino, morto nel 1994, olandese di origini italiane, negli anni Cinquanta lascia il mondo degli uomini per Canaima, la giungla venezuelana, all’epoca un luogo per lo più inesplorato. Conosceva i ragni e non disdegnava la compagnia dei serpenti, Rudy, ma dialogava anche con Werner Herzog, che andò a fargli visita, nei primi anni Ottanta, mentre lavorava a Fitzcarraldo. “Tutti vogliamo un luogo vergine dove rifugiarci dal mondo. Tutti siamo, in fondo, ‘Jungle Rudy’. Ma alla fine, non abbiamo il coraggio di andare fino in fondo”, mi dice.

*

Mi domando il senso di fino in fondo. So che retrodatare la Storia a uno stato preadamitico è una idiozia. So, però, che l’uomo, per sua natura, non è ‘sociale’ – e questo significa che ciascuno di noi (per esito alfabetico?) non sa stare né con i propri simili ma neppure con gli altri esseri animati. Ma queste, appunto, sono speculazioni inessenziali su una vicenda – quella di Marcos – eccezionale, da cui è inutile trarre morali planetarie.

*

Di per sé, la bestia – il lupo – è significativa perché c’è un uomo che la eleva a simbolo di qualcosa che gli manca. Altrimenti, se ti preda, ti uccide e stop.

*

Ne Il Conte di Kevenhüller Giorgio Caproni dice tutto, meglio. “La Bestia che cercate voi/ voi ci siete dentro”. (d.b.)

L'articolo Marcos, l’uomo cresciuto tra i lupi, oggi ha a 72 anni e vuole tornare nei boschi. Ma il mito del “buon selvaggio” è una prodigiosa bugia proviene da Pangea.

from pangea.news https://ift.tt/2BZSOjK

[dainobones]

god this whole YouTuber plagiarism fiasco has been so reinvigorating as a creator going through severe burnout.

i've felt like garbage for literally years due to the lack of content i've been able to get out but now i've been confronted with so much proof of what garbage REALLY looks like, and it's not me taking longer than i want to get stories out. i'm ok.

[dainobones]

shoutout to the pornbots for this milestone 😈

[dainobones]

i havent even finished indigo disk dlc but that freak kieran and his cool unproblematic sister have captivated me so much i've started writing fics again. i really am just here for the trash.

[dainobones]

if all the porn bots following me gave just one dollar i would be able to afford moving back to australia without selling my n plushie

[dainobones]

sorry sorry usually i dont acknowledge stuff like this but i got a mildly funny anon / anon hate for the first time in a while

this girlboss really logged on to gatekeep a mildly popular pokemon ship with barely any content

dont you just, love the idea that fandom is a 'take a content, leave a content' system?? and once you stop posting content you're banished, never to touch said content again,

or alternatively if you dont know what pms is: dont you just love the idea that it's illegal to menstruate on tumblr dot com if you're not also posting content??

and then there's all the other funny-how-pathetic-you-are shit like "i havent reblogged pms in ages, how deep into the archives did you go to get mad about this????", "dude i'm not gonna write fics if you neg me", "how does anyone even remember that i wrote fics at this point, i barely remember that and i did it", etc

anyway anon it's been months since i got a message like this and i wanted to give you SOMETHING for your trouble if you get around the block, so here it is: please put on a mask and go outside. i guarantee nobody else cares, so you really should reflect on why you do, and why you care enough to have sent me this message. sorry my fics are dead, i've been too busy making other content, so i'm actually not sorry because i'm much happier & making much better/more interesting things and none of my fics were particularly good anyway.

or if you're gonna be like "haha it was a joke, joked ya!!": please reflect on why you, a stranger i dont know, would think a joke like this would be worth it with me, someone you also dont know. like, even if i did know you, you're anon? so i wouldnt know that i know you? and the joke is surely how ridiculous this is. but that joke doesnt land if i dont know you bcuz i HAVE known and been harassed by ppl this ridiculous in this fandom. and for that matter!! please also reflect on why you would make a joke like this at someone who has regularly complained about being harassed by this fandom.

anyway. oof. bad anons from pkmn fans. really getting back to that authentic 2015 tumblr experience.

[dainobones]

i think that if you want to support fic writers who are being harassed over their works but you’re not sure if you’d be overstepping boundaries by talking to them on sns, you should comment on their fics. don’t engage with the harassment, don’t try to be loving enough to offset the harassment, just tell them you like their fics. and stick to talk about the fics you like. because when you’re being dogpiled it’s so difficult to engage with any kind of personal comments, it’d feel way more genuine and do much more to reduce the damage, imo

[dainobones]

it baffles me that ppl on here still send me messages about the pokemon fandom, and more specifically the g/s fandom, like i care or have anything to contribute

so lemme just. sum it up one last time and then the anons are getting blocked, along with a couple of other semi-regular questions i'm not gonna answer

i dont write fics atm bcuz i'm busy and uninspired

part of why i'm uninspired is absolutely ppl messaging me about Drama

mostly i'm uninspired bcuz other stuff i've been writing is 1000x more interesting than anything i was writing for pkmn fandom

i left that one discord server bcuz i didnt like it

there's nothing deeper to me not liking it. i thought the place had bad vibes every time i visited, so i left

i cannot tell you anything about the ppl on the server or who runs it bcuz i literally cant remember them and to my memory, never rly knew them / was never friends with them

if you think it has bad vibes too, cool, i don't care, it's got nothing to do with me how you feel about a place that also has nothing to do with me

if i had to say any one thing that annoys me about g/s fans, it's the tendency to whine incessantly about lack of content while never contributing content or supporting what there is. THAT'S why i dont check tags any more, and yes, it's a contributing factor in my lack of interest in the ship any more. i find the hypocrisy annoying and the complaining about what's there unfair. the way ppl talk about that ship and the content for it makes me second-guess why i even like it, which is sad bcuz i've shipped it since 2000, but oh well!!! i dont rly miss it i just get frustrated when ppl remind me of all this

yes i was online harassed for years and it was horrible. there is literally no reason for anyone except me to bring it up any more tho. and no!!! it does not have anything to do with that server!!!!

i literally never think about that server unless ppl are on here asking me shit about it or telling me their grievances for god knows what reason. i cannot emphasise this enough: if we're not friends, that's your personal problem, and you need to deal with it instead of dumping it on a stranger.

"do you think ppl are parasocial with you" dont be absurd. i'm too much of a non-presence for that to be the case. i think ppl are either venting bcuz they dont know anyone else in the fandom, or they think venting their fandom frustrations will make me wanna be their friend but no, it doesn't, bcuz it's petty bullshit and i dont care

"are you going to update [insert fic]" probably not

"are you going to write [insert fic idea]" probably not

"where can i find your original writing" lol it's. not hard but i'm also not gonna tell you bcuz *gestures at vague legal things*

"why dont more ppl support your original writing??" idk. have you tried reccing it? i dont promote it more than the bare minimum requirements. in part bcuz of my personality disorder but also bcuz i dont have a reason to be invested in it being successful. no i will not explain that further, the moment anyone says something about how Publishing Industries Work ppl take it as gospel but this is a very unique and localised situation. that's as much as you'll get.

i'm also not invested in my fics being read or whatever bcuz to me fics are a low-pressure low-priority hobby and it's easier to keep it that way if there arent many ppl reading what i'm writing. it's nice when ppl do!! love it when ppl do and enjoy it and have nice things to say!!!! but i write fics just to have some fun and then post them if i think other ppl can have some fun with it too. no skin off my nose if they're not read, but also: i know other fic writers see it differently, and they are completely right and valid to feel that way!!! it's MUCH easier to write with validation & attention, if you are someone who thrives from validation & attention.

"why dont you post more" bcuz i dont have anything to say

"can i follow you on twitter" if you can find the one i actually use, sure, give a go, i'll prob deny your req unless i recognise your username

and inb4

"why dont you just remake" that.... seems like more effort than this place is worth? and mostly i dont get this stuff it's like. once or twice a month and then i get annoyed

"why dont you turn off ask" bcuz mostly theyre fine and old friends/mutuals checking in and i mean. it's not that i dont LIKE attention/validation i just dont NEED it

"why are you being so rude" i'm trying to scare ppl off....... duh.....

"why is this so unreadable" i thought about formatting it better but god that's more effort than i wanna give like. just writing this is enough, and that's an effort born out of frustrating from almost two years of these messages

ANYWAY GOOD NIGHT

[dainobones]

i'm doing a lot of writing about avpd atm and my friend just reminded me of that time idk 8 years ago when i had over 3000 followers on here and started trying to scare off as many as possible because i am overwhelmingly avpd and hadn't been diagnosed yet

shout out to all the pornbots who stayed 💖

[dainobones]

clutches heart

kim dokja..................................

[dainobones]

everyone on this site who told me mdzs isnt yaoi owes me $10

[dainobones]

stop enabling me via danganronpa related asks, i’m meant to be better than this, you filthy enablers

[dainobones]

every time i post, i lost a bunch of followers. good. this is the response my content deserves. block me you cowards.

[dainobones]

one time i read a fanfic with evil ash

his name was evil ash

everybody called him evil ash

even ash called him evil ash

nobody was concerned about evil ash

they just let him hang around their house eating their food and playing with their pokemon because he wasn't a bad guy he was just called evil ash

what a beautiful message