#daddy discourse

[tevanbuckley]

this might be controversial, but man am i becoming increasingly convinced that buddie trutherism* is just not (and probably never has been) a very healthy way to engage with this show. *to be clear, by this i don't mean shipping buddie, or hoping it'll be canon, or thinking that it could be, i mean the completely unshakeable belief that it is absolutely going to happen (and to a lesser extent that it's always been the plan).

every single piece of evidence for buddie is evidence of a potential, often very compelling potential, but there is really nothing to suggest some big six season plan or any plan at all.

i'm sure a lot of these ppl (maybe even most) aren't bad, or doing anything out of malice. however, i do think having a large chunk of the fandom make post after post, week after week, season after season going "don't worry guys, buddie's definitely happening because of x, y or z," has helped create the current environment. where ppl have spent so long in a bubble where buddie's been presented as the only reasonable outcome, that they can't conceive of the idea they might've been wrong.

atp a lot of buddie meta isn't a queer reading of the show/relationship it's just straight up lies. no tommy isn't a miserable hater who never smiles at his bf, nor is he a predatory freak preying on sweet baby bi buck, and no eddie wasn't jealous at the wedding, no buck didn't realise he was in love with eddie when he came out to him. truly, after a decade in different fandoms, I don't think i've ever seen shipping goggles this bad.

again i don't think the ppl making meta/analysis about things that genuinely have some queer subtext to them are bad or doing anything wrong. but, when a narrative that you're contributing to is feeding into this much wider ecosystem that's influencing others to harass ppl and peddle homophobic dog whistles in an attempt to bridge the gap between their fanon and canon, at what point do you step back and go, "you know what, i don't think it's responsible for me to feed into this anymore."

and i worry that even the people who aren't hurting others with this kind of engagement, are gonna end up hurting themselves in the long run.

[laurelwinchester]

rewatching the marvel movies as a thirtysomething adult trying (finally) to heal from 20+ years of severe mental illness and trauma and actually doing the work to do that really hits different. but also not that different. i've never understood the obsessive love the fandom has for tony stark and i understand it even less now.

the avengers within the mcu were never a cohesive unit (or, you know, actual friends) because they were constantly at the mercy of a severely mentally ill billionaire who consistently and unapologetically allowed his trauma and illness to explode outwards and harm others and then he would wallow and whine and use his considerable wealth to attempt to mop up the mess he created. he never got real help. he never put an effort into seriously trying to heal and it damaged not only every single person around him but random citizens and cities.

"but he was a good man at heart!"

yes. he was. that is not enough. that man was unwell and a danger to himself and others. he knew that and yet he continued to cause chaos and spread his trauma to other people. mental illness or not, that is selfish. his sacrifice at the end was noble but it doesn't undo the decade before that.

it's kind of mind boggling that steve, of all people, gets shit on the most in the fandom when the first two captain america movies (notably movies without tony btw) were the only movies with a shred of actual real competency and friendship in them.

[vonlipvig]

'no kink at pride!' you're so annoying, they're literally hitting jesus with whips at the good friday parade, we can't lose to that.

[bowiezoid]

i know absolutely nobody cares about my opinion but as a pwdid, yes, beth shouldn’t have said what she said. yes, it was unnecessary and tone deaf. yes, her APOLOGY was BAD. but calling beth ableist genuinely seems a bit far..?? she’s uneducated and dipped her toes where they shouldn’t have gone.

to me this read less like “i’m fake claiming you!” and more like “that’s so stupid that didn’t happen”. which tbh i feel is a normal way to respond. I’M not saying that, because i understand that CAN happen, but i don’t think beth anticipated the amount of weight behind saying someone w did was lying about something . she admitted she was uneducated and also that it wasn’t her intent in a bad apology, but i don’t think this super warrants a long ass apology from her

yes critique people for being uneducated ALWAYS and call out something harmful when you see it, but this will not change my opinion on dndads. if this is the worst thing you have to say about the pod i think that’s a good thing.

[infiniteaugends]

Just found this in my drafts, young me had so many hopes and dreams 😭

[badasscoffeemug]

god i’ve said before how much i hate Doing Discourse but i can’t seem to help myself especially because i just saw a bddie say “a lot of bucktommy stans are weirdly conservative about queerness”

and sure, maybe some bucktommy fans are. but that accusation is rich coming from a group that got allll up in arms about some implied daddy kink, a little age gap between two adult men, or just a man being a bit bitchy. not to mention that one time someone started calling me names because i didn’t see a problem with the number of explicit bucktommy fics, lmao. because the bddies were writing soft romance, which is Good, instead of nasty gay sex, which is Bad.

[a-mel0n]

i dont even know why i open 911 tiktok anymore

[revvethasmythh]

while i'm talking about sarah j mass, actually the most offensive story beat she ever wrote was turning dorian into manon's dom daddy. like why did she do that. they were like the best characters until the first time they were in a room together, in which both of their personalities just disintegrated into a fine dust so they could fulfill the Male and Female roles they were assigned. one of the most bizarre story choices i've ever witnessed in my life

[llama911refugee]

Another opinion from a gay man.

Some fans acting like the daddy issues line killed their grandma is insane but also the other side acting like it threw the first brick at stonewall and gave us gay rights is just as dumb.

I think a lot of the problem comes from the fact that the buck tommy relationship wasn't given the screen time it deserved and what little we get, we scrutinized too much.

Daddy issues doesn't mean you have a daddy kink, but fandom won't admit that that's exactly what Buck is gonna be reduced to from now on. He never escapes the hypersexualization even in a new ship. Which is ironic since Tommy is the one who keeps mentioning how bad his dad was and how Gerard was just as bad and that he's jealous of Buck's relationship with Bobby. The one with the daddy issues is Tommy.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Izzy doesn't even have a coming to terms with his sexuality arc in season 2 it's much closer to gender, and I've seen a similar gender expression journey to Izzy in season 2 on the middle aged straight dads of queer children. I'm gonna gear my description of what happens towards a father and son example because Izzy's hang ups are very much about toxic masculinity, but I'm a transgender man and I'm on the journey I'm about to describe with my formerly borderline terf mom, so it can apply to other genders.

Anyway: At first the dad who I'm positing is like Izzy punishes his son for putting on a skirt or holding hands with a boy, then he realizes how badly trying to suppress his kid's sexuality is hurting his kid, who he loves in spite of the way he's treating him, so he does his best to change his mind and learn about the queer community and then eventually he goes to a pride event in an I love my gay son shirt and then the son feels like he can finally bring his boyfriend over for dinner and maybe someday the dad apologizes even though its awkward or maybe they let it go unspoken. I've even had a friend who put his reformed homophobic dad in drag makeup for TikTok content.

I'm not saying that's exactly what happened to Izzy, I suppose if we mapped this onto Izzy's journey Ed would be the son but a big part of Izzy getting better was him having a bunch of gay coworkers do something nice for him in a way that had nothing to do with Ed, which doesnt usually happen with the reformed parents, or maybe it does idk I've only experienced it as the queer child or as friend of the queer child so I wouldn't know. Also they usually don't perform in drag shows. But I would also say that they aren't usually pirates on boats where every single other person is queer in some way. The places where Izzy diverges off this path have nothing to do with Izzy coming to terms with any lust for men he may or may not have and everything to do with the setting he's in.

Also to be clear I'm not saying Izzy is straight, I'm just saying the jury is still out. He could have been out the whole time or he could have come out in 2.02 when he said "I have love for you" or he could have meant that platonically and died in the closet or he could have meant that completely platonically and been straight or aro/ace, but whatever way you slice that his season 2 arc is way less about coming out and coming to terms with his own sexuality and way more about learning to accept Ed for who he is and every other queer person around him by proxy.

[gauntletgirlie]

@baddybaddyadardaddy and @eowyn7023 saw this on Threads and it made me think of you two 😘😂

[tevanbuckley]

“ppl have a right to be upset about a show sexualising their traumas”

oh grow up. fr as someone who has enough family bs and childhood trauma to last several lifetimes, if you’re so unable to separate out your own shit that you feel genuinely hurt by a pretty tame daddy joke then that is frankly a you problem you need to deal with on your own time.

“this thing made me personally uncomfy because i, personally, have issues.” =/= “this thing is immoral and shouldn’t have been allowed.”

[polterquest]

gang i feel crazy because what do some people THINK tommy saying "your father is alive" means????? i keep seeing it being interpreted as a dismissal or that tommy is saying that buck should be grateful for that ? but i took it as a light-hearted if not blunt way of pointing out that saying 'father i never had' is a testament to phillips shitty parenting because even though he is alive buck still might as well have not had a father, and tommy is sort of acknowledging or testing those waters and levelling his expression and tone. then buck responds "exactly" to confirm that while Laughing, the energy is not one-sided and he isn't put off by his bluntness.

framing tommy's response in bad faith is taking it out of context to what buck actually Said, surely?? if he just generally opened up about bobby's importance in his life as a father figure without using those exact words, then yeah that response would be questionable but that's not how this went. also brother in christ have you never had a bit of a laff while bringing up something vulnerable with someone close to you, i did not see it as a super serious scene from the get go - it's casual but it shows they're meant to be comfortable with each other

if you wanted to interpret it further it could even be a double meaning to reassure that hey your father (bobby) is alive, he didn't die today... idk i never post like this but wow i feel like i genuinely am watching a different show reading some of these posts

[schrodingersbobby]

like you waited 7 years and it took two months for the shine of this insane fucking moment of representation to wear off for you guys I don't understand you people bro

[h0neyandthemoon]

Anyone else grow up as a lonely, misunderstood, undiagnosed neurodiverse (with high pattern recognition skills that felt like some kind of spiritual or supernatural powers), hypersexual teenager who was desperate for meaningful attention and who put themselves in precarious situations to feel a glimmer of affection?

…

So did we all like Nosferatu or what?

[j-bird614]

Hold up is Blake Lively the same Blake mentioned in Matt's Peachy fact in ep 8? 🤯🤔 am I late to the party on that theory?