#dabih

[ashboy-3]

I Don't Need Healing

Written for DabiHawks week 2023 Day 7 Prompt: Supernatural Creatures Fandom: BNHA/ MHA Characters: Dabi & Hawks Words: 792 Summary: Hawks is a bird only found in mythology. He was being used against his will for the greater good then one day Dabi comes along

Hawks huffed as he flew away from the children’s hospital as fast as he could, he had to get rid of this sickness. Kids were relying on him, and a shock from the collar around his neck, made him drop in the air for only a second.

Finally, in the designated empty field he was able to fly towards the sun to get rid of the sickness, curing at least five children from the hospital.

His phone buzzed with the next location as he sighed and started to fly back toward the city. He made it to the city center, and right as he ran out of fuel, a shock once again made him fall, but this time he wasn't able to stop it.

“You okay?” a foot nudged him.

Hawks could feel how hurt the person was. He felt the need to take the sickness away, but being so low on fuel he didn’t have the energy, instead groaning and letting his body shut down.

“Okay this is just sad,” the man said as Hawks felt arms lift him up and carry him to an unknown destination.

“Alright try and open up,” the man said after Hawks has been sitting down for a few minutes, opening his mouth as what must be soup went into his mouth. “Slow bites,” the man said, as Hawks felt the buzzing in his pocket, his hand inching to grab it, but the man stopped him.

“Whoever it is ignore them. They are not as important as your health,” but the fear of a shock coming helped pushed Hawks to grab the phone. Right as he was able to grasp it the phone stopped ringing and dread filled his stomach.

Without warning shocks began to ripple through his body making him scream in pain.

“Shit!” Hawks could hear the guy say as he felt the collar being ripped from his neck, letting him pass out from the pain.

Hawks woke up to a scarred man looking down on him, it felt like he was on a cloud. 

“Glad to see you’re away,” the man said.

“You’re sick,” Hawks replied the same need to take the sickness away invading his mind, shaking his head he didn’t think about it. He can control his instincts.

“I don’t know about sick, but I am what people call heavily injured,” the man shrugged as Hawks finally took a look around the room.

“Where am I?”

“My place. Found you passed out in an alleyway. You were trying to go somewhere, but you couldn’t physically move. I decided to help you. Saw that hell of a collar on you and broke it. So what’s up with you?” the man asked.

“You took the collar off?” Hawks asked, touching his neck, feeling healing shock wounds around his neck.

“Yep. You passed out instantly after it started going off. Been asleep for a week now.”

“A week!?” Hawks asked shocked, sitting up in a panic as thoughts went through hs head.

“Hey calm down! Nothing bad is going to happen. I already trashed your phone. Nothing is going to happen to you,” the man promised.

“But people die without me!” Hawks said panicked.

“People die either way. It’s okay to leave someone else with the responsibility.”

“What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?” Hawks asked.

“You could always stay here and live your life,” the man shrugged. “I’m Dabi by the way.”

“Oh um I’m Hawks,” the blonde smiled.

“So why do these crazy people want you?” Dabi asked, passing the blonde a drink.

“I’m something called a Caladrius. I can take people’s illnesses away and dispel it. I was being sent to cure a children’s hospital,” Hawks shrugged.

“While that’s nice you were killing yourself in the process. Hate to say it, but that won’t slide here. I like my roommates to be alive,” Dabi said as a feeling Hawks has never felt before formed in his stomach making it churn. He couldn’t decide if it was good or bad.

“I think I can work with that,” Hawks smiled and thus the two started to live together.

“I can take the pain away?” Hawks whispered one night, they’ve been living together for a few months now.

“No thanks Birdie. I need it so I can remember,” Dabi said back, dropping the subject. Hawks never understood what Dabi meant, but he would respect the wishes as long as his friend wasn’t dying from it.

“I do appreciate the thought. Maybe one day I’ll take you up on it,” Dabi smiled, letting the two go back to sleep.

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to pay you back for everything you’ve done,” Hawks said back, going back to sleep.

[talasterism]

another day another artfight attack! today doing double of Dabih n sunder who were made by @enniesways even if they graciously handed over Dabih for me to play as an NPC

[ghostdandyandco]

Dream in purple.

[ohgodimafraud]

Candle (bn///ha, hotw///ings 18+ nsfw)

crossposting

On Hawks’ table sits a candle, its wick burning blue and curling into a pool of wax. The air is made thick from the large quantity of smoke the small flame has managed to produce. Hawks silently thanks his past self for removing the batteries from his smoke detector after the last few Dabi-related incidents. He watches the flame flicker and change shapes in front of him, swelling and stretching like it’s dancing. Until today, this had been buried in a gift basket and hadn’t seen the light of day. It’s not like he usually has time to sit and enjoy such a frivolous thing. 

“Oi, is it helping at all?” Dabi asks flatly, snapping Hawks out of his trance. 

Hawks takes a tentative breath in through his nose and wafts in some of the smoke. Immediately, his nostrils which are already red and raw flare with new irritation. 

“EHDtzzshh!” 

“ Bless.”

Hawks nods. His cold has progressed to the stage where it’s made his sneezes extra harsh and vocal. Normally he’d be done after stifling a sneeze or two, but the tickle is absolutely relentless—not to mention the sinus pressure he’s sporting from the aforementioned stifling—and it feels like no amount of sneezing will relieve it. For whatever reason, NyQuil just isn’t enough to knock Hawks out, whether from his metabolism or something else, he truly doesn’t know and after already suffering through one sleepless night, he’s willing to try anything. He’d already tried breathing in steam, and now they’re going with Dabi’s next suggestion to relieve some of the pressure and congestion. Hawks didn’t have anything with menthol, but he did have a stress relief candle made with eucalyptus and spearmint. 

  Hawks can barely get a full breath in before he explodes into a series of messy sneezes, hastily aimed away from Dabi. “hHKnxxt! Ihxxshhhx! Eh- … KSSHsh! Umb…if the goal was to mbake mbe sdeeze, I guess.” He sniffles behind his sleeve and sighs before wiping the glistening underside of his nose with it. “Don't sniff it back,” Dabi scolds, passing the tissue box over to him. He leans back, crosses his arms, and looks away. “Just blow your fucking nose.”

Hawks snatches a few tissues and immediately folds them over his nose just in time to catch another sneeze. And another. And a few in rapid succession that leave him gasping for breath. Through it all, Dabi subtly watches with interest. Each sneeze sounds more irritated and desperate than the last and they leave him reaching for another tissue. His sleeve can only take so much. Dabi counts eleven sneezes collectively before deciding he’s probably done. 

“Bless you, pretty bird,” Dabi says, sighing and moving his chair to sit closer to Hawks. “You alright there?”

“ Hehh…ehh-Ehhht’schu! Guhh…yeah,” he manages to say. He blows his streaming nose again into a new tissue, the sound gurgling and wet. “Guess it heh -helped a lidttle.” 

“Least you got it all out,” Dabi says with a nod. 

“Mmb, thingk I can kindda breathe ndow.” He sniffles tentatively, accidentally flooding his poor nose with more of the strong scent, but it’s too late now to correct his mistake. Hawks steals one last quavering inhale before the inevitable need to sneeze overtakes him. “ Heh-!! Ihpshhhu! hehhshhhyu! Hghtshhew! Ahh… fugk I can’dt— hHght’shhx! KXxxtsh!”

Dabi smirks and pushes the candle in front of Hawks so it’s just inches from his chest. “Here, blow it out,” he challenges wryly, leaning an elbow on the table to get a better angle to observe. Hawks shoots him a wavering glare, but doesn’t have time to give Dabi shit for his teasing before—

“ Heh’EhDTSHhiew!” he sneezes openly over the flame, instantly snuffing it out with the force of it along with the spray dousing it. ” In its wake, smoke fills the space in front of them, expanding out into thick and beautiful tendrils of an even stronger scent. 

“Bless you, sneezy bird. You done now?”

They both know he’s not, and it earns Dabi another glare. Dabi allows himself to smile at the prize of that watery and pitiful look of aggravation across Hawks’ face, both from his nose’s betrayal and at Dabi’s teasing. They both listen as the cadence of Hawks’ labored breathing changes until he pinch-stifles a sneeze with his sleeve as a buffer. Dabi swats his arm away from his face. 

“Don’t get fucking self conscious on me. You’re gonna get all stuffed up again and bitch that it hurts.”

“Wai hht , you’re— ihGKShhu!” 

Dabi did this to himself. He looks at the spray on his shirt and back at Hawks’ face, pink with feverish flush, the thick rope of mess that’d escaped from the sneeze, hastily wiped away by Hawks’ poor sleeve. Still, Dabi manages to maintain the cocky look. After all, he himself can’t blush. “Bless. That’s better.”

“Really? I just… hehh… ugh fugk whatever,” he says with a sigh, rubbing at his nose with another tissue. He cringes at the squelchy sound that follows, along with the sore and tickly feeling. A tear leaks out of his eye and down his cheek and he hastily wipes it away. He gives a self-deprecating smile and adds, “God, sorry this is so gross. I thingk I’mb allergic to thadt candle.”

“Oh really?” Dabi snorts, ignoring the apology. “The fuck brought you to that conclusion?”

“ HhgSCHhiew! Guhh…”

Dabi openly snickers at him. Cruel, but not surprising. 

“I’ll rembember this whend you catch this fromb mbe,” Hawks threatens with a pout, pulling yet another tissue from the box to sneeze into directly. Dabi’s enjoyment of this whole display goes beyond sadism. Truly, he didn’t know lighting the candle would have such…explosive effects, but he’s living for it all the same. Even the implication that he’d catch this from Hawks is doing things to him. 

“Not really intimidating when I can barely understand what you’re saying.”

“Rude.”

“Whattya expect, pretty bird?” Dabi says, stroking one of Hawks’ wings. The plumes are soft against his hand and are a far cry from the weapons he knows they can become at will. Though, truth be told, Dabi can think of a way they can be used as weapons in this state too, but that revelation is for a different day. 

Hawks lets out a soft chirp-like sound and as he moves closer to Dabi, he makes contact with something particularly hard. All it takes is a quick glance down from Hawks to see just how much Dabi is enjoying his predicament. “Oh? ehg’SHhhiew! Ugh…Seembs like you’re really indto this.”

Dabi’s lips curl into a smirk. “Don’t know what you mean.”

“What about this is doi’gg idt for you? Mbe bei’gg a mb- hhh… a mbess, or is it the huhh… the— hdt’CHhhiew!…oh .” Hawks sniffles and smirks at the way Dabi’s cock twitched at the sneeze. “I see why you stucgk arou’dd.”

“Someone’s a cocky little chicken,” Dabi glowers, pressing Hawks’ hand over his erection all the same, guiding it up and down so he can feel its length and the way it’s straining against the fabric of his pants. Hawks smirks at him with a silent joke that Dabi’s sure he’s about to voice. 

“That’s just a rooster, hodt stuff.”

There it is. Hawks’ nose is starting to scrunch again and Dabi pinches Hawks’ nostrils shut in response. Some of the hot mess that’s refused to be dispelled seeps from his nostrils and Hawks’ eyes go wide. “Wai- hhdt…KNXXt’chh! NdXXT’…guhhh.”

Dabi hums in pleasure as Hawks’ hand jerks over his pants. “Bless.” He graciously removes his hand from Hawks’ poor nose and cleans his palm with a tissue. 

It’s moments like this where Hawks is grateful for his ability to read people. It’s a lot less mortifying now that he knows Dabi likes it. “If you’re gonnda mbake a mbess of mbe,” Hawks says and pauses to sniffle thickly, “I’ll have to returnd the favor.”

“Oh?”

Hawks moves to straddle Dabi’s lap before he can ask anything further. Dabi, more than happy with this development, puts his hands on Hawks’ hips to steady him. Hawks smiles darkly. “You ligke it whend I sndeeze?” he asks, voice husky against his ear. 

“And if I do?”

“Fugk arou’dd a’dd find out,” Hawks says, grinding against Dabi’s dick. He sniffles again and again, rocking over his erection. Dabi’s fingers latch onto his waistband, pulling him in closer. The friction feels so good and Dabi clenches his jaw to keep from outright moaning, though he can’t help the way he tightens his grip. 

“Sure you’re up for this?” Dabi hisses. 

“Can’dt you feel thadt I amb?” Hawks says with a smirk, putting Dabi’s hand over his own erection to confirm it. 

Dabi hums. “Guess so.” At this rate he absolutely is going to become a mess. His cock is dripping and pre has already left a substantial wet spot on his boxers, and at this rate it won’t be long before they’re absolutely ruined with cum. The situation is only worsened by the way Hawks continues audibly sniffling and hitching. Here he thought he’d be in control, but Hawks who has such a terrible cold has him hanging onto each and every breath. “You…y’want to take this to the bedroom?”

“I wandt you right here a’dd ndow,” Hawks murmurs in his ear. 

“Fuck, birdie.”

Hawks revels in each swear and grunt that crosses Dabi’s lips as they continue this little dance. He wants to keep up this steady rhythm for a bit longer, but his nose has other plans. 

“ Hehh… Thingk I’mb hh-hhH gonnda…snd -sndeeze—IhhtSCHhiew!” he announces before sneezing against Dabi’s neck. Dabi moans as they continue to grind, Hawks’ own cock now especially hard and pressing against Dabi’s. “Wonder how lo’gg you’ll last.”

Dabi grips the base of Hawks’ wings and elicits a moan from him. He grins widely at how sensitive Hawks is there. He’s made Hawks cum from exclusively playing with his wings in the past. “What about you, birdie?” 

Hawks smirks. “I’ll slow downd just for you.” His grinding, however, speeds up. Dabi grunts, breaths becoming more heavy and are only interrupted by a hurried string of curses. Hawks slams his mouth against Dabi’s and kisses him hotly until he needs to breathe. The lapse is compensated for by the way their tongues mingle again. 

Hawks grabs Dabi’s hair and tugs and Dabi moans and burns Hawks’ side with a fingertip. With a hiss, Hawks grits his teeth into a grin. “You likge this, Dabi?” he purrs, nuzzling and sniffling against his ear. In response, Dabi moans. “Guess I’ll tagke that as a yes.”

“Just…don’t stop,” Dabi grunts. 

Hawks hums. “I m- hhh… I bight have to sdheeze-hhH— “

The sound that comes out of Dabi’s mouth is one Hawks has never heard before, but it’s one that he knows is a plea. He may as well be begging for it. Begging for a release both from Hawks and from himself. The heat only continues to grow in Dabi’s groin as they both get closer and closer and—

“ Hh’Esshhu! IhhdtSHhoo! Hahh…”

“ Fuck, Hawks!” Dabi jerks into Hawks and climaxes, the hot cum pooling in and seeping through the layers of clothes. His grip on Hawks’ wing tightens and Hawks gasps, only for another sneeze to explode out of him. Blissed out, Dabi strokes Hawks’ cock over his pants more than ready to return the favor even in this hazy state. It won’t take much. 

Hawks sniffles thickly and moans, his head tilting back and giving Dabi a clear view of how swollen and puffy his nostrils have gotten. Dabi kisses down Hawks’ neck bites at the juncture to his shoulder. “I… ndhh …fugk, I’mb gonnda cumb!”

As quickly as he’d gotten it out, Hawks climaxes, adding his own orgasm to the mess between them. He collapses into Dabi’s arms panting, both of their outfits an absolute mess, but neither of them caring. Dabi presses a warm kiss to Hawks’ forehead and his fingers stroke through his hair. “Feeling good, birdie?”

Hawks gives a tacit nod, lolling his head against Dabi’s shoulder. Dabi huffs softly and pulls a few tissues to wipe Hawks’ nose with and to encourage him to blow. Sheepishly, he complies until he has to sneeze again, pitching into the tissue Dabi’s holding. “ Ihhkshh!” 

“Bless you.”

“Thagks,” Hawks murmurs. Dabi gives his nose a final swipe. After a few moments, Hawks fully curls into him. Dabi takes this opportunity to stroke his hair. 

“Never seen you so quiet,” Dabi mumbles after a few moments of silence. It’s only then that he realizes that somehow Hawks has managed to fall asleep like this, straddling him on a kitchen chair, both of them a mess. He’s snoring softly, sleeping for the first time in nearly two days. “You’re fucking kidding me.” Dabi sighs, though he can’t bring himself to really be mad. Fuck, maybe they should’ve gone to the bedroom first. Or maybe they should’ve just tried sex as a decongestant in the first place. 

Regardless, Dabi figures the least he can do for that performance is to help clean them both up so the hero can get some rest, so, attempting to ignore the sticky mess between them, he lifts him into his arms to bring him to the bedroom and silently thanks whoever the fuck gave that candle to Hawks.

[tomurakii]

I'm putting shigadabi in the YBAH sequel BTW. It's gonna be so awful and heart-rending you don't even know yet

[ink-of-a-thousand-currents]

I'm finally setting up what will hopefully be a longterm hatchery/dragon sales thread. Eventually I want it to be pretty, but I figure I'll start with functional. Using that one really nice breeding pair card generator

Some of you may recognie some of these pairs as ones I made breeding cards for in the past; I did, but I'm not super happy with them, so I want to eventually remake them

[dabihaul666]

Neon clocks also had "connected characters feel everything the other one feels" and dabi like. Ate some of the magicians he had contracts with so dabi vore go BRRRRRRR but also he could feel it himself that was such a good..... ancient texts.....

[edubenart]

Bluesky raffle prize winner, Dabih for @/ennie ✨

[azure-arsonist]

In my opinion Dabih@wks isn't a true kismesis relationship because it's NOT A RIVALY THAT PUSHES THEM TO BE BETTER at anything really. they just hate each other. Bakudeku WAS a kismesis relationship (one sided on Katsuki's part) but let's be so honest as of now they're essentially somewhere between matesprits and moirails

If the combination of words in this post has dealt you psychic damage, you are entitled to a senior discount

[punkeropercyjackson]

Dabih*wks being considered to have more weight than Dabitwice by the fandom that won't stop talking about Dabi having 'daddy issues' really sums up my problem with the false old man fucker allegations y'all give yourselves in general-You'll believe Dabi having a situationship with a guy who's not even in his mid 20s and also a cop to his disabled punk and make daddy kink jokes but don't think he wants an actual Daddy because 'creepy age gap' when Jin is literally only 31 to his 24 and neither have never expressed they view eachother as father and son.Which makes sense because Jin's not even teenage years worth older than him,much less old enough to be his dad LMFAO

[dailypuyoque]

6☆ Gold Dabih

[tealbird5]

Sunder and Dabih for enniesways

[ohgodimafraud]

Thank you! Here's a little something ;]

Hi this is adorable poni wtf 🥺🥺🥺🥺 theyre so sweet thank YOU!! They’re so soft. Look at the caring way h/awks is looking at himmmm and how d/abis guard looks down jsekwkdjrjkw

I love ur art style and I literally remember the one time u drew ha/wks having a fit bc of sawdust ahhh!! I love how u draw them

[thechaoscryptid]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Thanks for thinking of me, nonnie 🥰 This was actually a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, picking 5?? It was a good excercise in remembering I actually do like a lot of my past catalogue lmfao

The summaries got kinda long and I also wanted to do a little commentary on each so I'm gonna put the full post under a cut but the short list is:

Singularity (Shigadabi)

i've looked for love in every stranger (to get to you) (Sylvix)

Hello, My Name Is Human (Odazai)

Divinity (Matchablossom)

Blur (Sheith)

Singularity | ShigaDabi | General

Alpha Arietis dies in a brilliant storm, spraying billions of years’ worth of accumulated gas and matter through the cosmos as it collapses in on itself. Great fingers of dust reach toward the endless abyss, and cradled in the palm of the cooling nebula, a godling sleeps. His heart is white-hot and aching, all the pain of his progenitor’s end pulsing through him as he curls in on himself. The gazes of the other gods weigh heavily on him as the universe swims into focus. Their whispers ripple across galaxies to wash over his still-tender form, awakening in him an anger that beams into the darkness as his eyes open, twin crimson spheres cutting through the endless night.

This was such a fun style experiment!! I wrote it for a zine and it was by far the shortest fic bc I decided to go with the dialogue-less option; it felt better suited to the space vibe.

I looked up so many astronomy facts for this too, which was fun bc I'm a bit of a space bitch (even though I probably fucked it all up for the ~narrative~ lmao). Did you know! Beta Capricorni, one of the stars in Capricorn (Dabi's sign and mine - we share a birthday, and it is my favorite BNHA factoid), is commonly known as Dabih, derived from an Arabic legend saying Beta Capricorni and Alpha Capricorni, aka Algedi, were "the lucky stars of a slaughterer."

I really really want to dive further into the concept of gods being birthed from dying stars at some point - there's so much I didn't get to in this fic just bc of limits and themes and such, but I think it's fucking cool even if it's not popular.

i've looked for love in every stranger (to get to you) | Sylvix | Explicit

“Yeah. Listen, Fe, I’m sor—” “Don’t,” Felix says. When Sylvain opens his mouth to protest, Felix cuts him off. “Seriously, don’t. I don’t want your apologies.” Sylvain arches a brow. “I just want you—” (And oh, those words on their own are nearly enough to unwind that barbed wire, but somehow it hurts worse knowing it’s not what Felix really means.) “—to be better.” Felix takes a deep breath, turns to the kitchen counter, and fiddles for a second too long with the tabs on the pizza boxes. “I hate watching you hurt yourself.”

Man, where do I start with this one. I picked at this fic for over a year and a half before deciding to finish it for a bang, and I'm so happy about how it turned out. One theme that shows up a lot in my writing is "love is an action and a choice," and I think this fic showcases that beautifully.

Sylvain's so fucked up here and I love him so much. This timestamp from the middle of a breakdown and subsequent guilt about said breakdown just...really hits home. And Felix being there - CHOOSING to remain there - through that one and all previous ones? clenches fist They're in love, your honor.

I just think it's important to show that being kind of a shitty person doesn't preclude you from being loved, nor should it.

Hello, My Name Is Human | Odazai | Mature

“No need for sorry,” Oda says, the words automatic. “That’s not your place.” It’s the wrong thing to say, comes out nothing like he’d intended. Dazai flinches as though he’s been shot, curling up into himself and away from Oda before scrambling to his feet. There’s no easy grace in his movements today, only a quick, jerky retreat before Oda comes to his senses and darts after him. He wraps a hand around Dazai’s forearm to tug him back, and there’s nothing but rawness in Dazai’s eye when he turns around. “Let me go,” he says icily. “It’s not your place.”  “Dazai.” “Fuck off,” Dazai mutters, shrugging Oda’s hand away. “I’ll go die alone, then. In my place.” “Hey,” Oda says, soft as anything as Dazai’s turned half away. He holds his palms out, the same way he would for a stray or lost child. Dazai takes a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry,” he continues. “Your place-” “An executive doesn’t have a place,” Dazai says. “A weapon doesn’t need one.”

This was the spiritual precursor to in the morning i'll be with you, and upon rereading, I realized I wrote pretty much the same fic twice 😅 There's just something that hits EVERY time about softness in the face of bluntness about doing and wanting terrible things. I chose this one instead of in the morning because of one of the places the two fics diverge, actually.

In this fic, Oda actually says "I love you" to Dazai and Dazai does not take it well, and it feels important to me that not every I love you is received with an equally passionate "omg I love you too." But like I said for the Sylvix above, it's also important that it's expressed, even if it hurts or isn't received or reciprocated.

Divinity | MatchaBlossom | Explicit

“I don’t need anyone,” Kaoru whispers. He’s always been good at making bad decisions when it comes to Kojiro; this is another in a long line of failures and he’s not willing to admit yet that maybe Adam fucked him up past the point of no return. “It’s fine,” he mumbles when he hears Kojiro shifting. He’s too afraid to watch him walk away. “You can just go.” And instead of leaving, Kojiro shuffles forward and hugs him. Kaoru is surrounded by impossibly gentle arms and the scent of pine, and though he’s used to the latter, he hasn’t been touched like this in a long, long time. “I’m not going to go,” Kojiro says softly. His face is buried in Kaoru’s shoulder, lips warm where they brush across his skin. “I’d say sorry, but I’m not, Kaoru. I don’t want to.”

God this fic actually kickstarted my writing motor after being really burnt out and plateaued on skill for a while. While it's not my most technically skilled fic (I don't think any on this list are, tbh?), it was fun to write and it's still fun to read.

I loved being able to take a softer turn with Kaoru's anxiety as opposed to some of the harder mental health issues I'm used to expressing in my writing. And Matchablossom were really just out there on screen being Like That at all moments, huh? Their dynamic is just such a joy to play with, whether it's softer like this or harder like some of my other SK8 fics.

Blur | Sheith | Mature

“Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve made of myself, and it still isn’t enough. You know they always said shoot for the stars? I didn’t just shoot, Shiro, I helped save those stars. Where is there to go from there? There’s no coming back down to Earth after you’ve seen realities collapse around you. There’s no normal.” “It doesn’t need to be normal,” Shiro says. “I WANT normal!” Keith’s chest heaves, throat raw with the force of his insistence as his truth is birthed into the world. Twenty-five years’ worth of longing shake themselves loose from inside him and when they bleed out, so does his energy. He sinks to his knees, shaking as he repeats the words again and again. “I want normal. I want to be normal, Shiro, why can’t I be normal?”

This fic is just 9k of me bleeding my truth onto the screen, I'll be real (it should also be stated my self-destructive behaviors aren't physically harmful, that's artistic license). It hurt to write and it hurts to reread bc not much has changed in the years since I wrote it, but it's good, and I stand by the rawness of the narration. Dealing with a personality disorder and suicidal ideation (especially unmedicated and without therapy - bitches be rawdogging reality and I'm bitches) fucking blows. It's exhausting, and it makes you feel inhuman.

This scene especially knocked a few realizations loose for me, bc I don't remember writing it; my head just shut off, and then I looked at the page and went "ah. Oh dear. This feels like something I need to unpack, huh." And here we are, several years later, still unpacking lmao

[temple-virgin]

Liber Dabih and Sinister tarot pulls to mark the Occasion. I am signified by Azoth and Aeon and the Circumstances, Desire and Opfer ♡

[yugiohz]

230k words into This and dabih*gets shot* still haven’t kissed like the boys in my yaoi gifs