#cygnus ✦ patton

[lovecorepatton]

:D!!!

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[lovecorepatton]

[id: a colorful comic.

in the first panel patton knocks on logan's door, saying: 'hey logan ... I have something to ask you.'

panel two shows both patton and logan. patton stands outside the door, and logan stands against it, expression unreadable. patton begins to speak. 'well...'

"when you said that 'circumstances can improve', you meant that, right?" he continues on panel three, which is now only showing logan, stood against the door with a slightly shocked expression.

panel 4 is of logan again, now wearing an upset expression as orangey clouds surround him, showing various scenes from POF and WTIT. the top one shows logan's eyes, the one to its right showing logan being dragged by a cane. the lower ones show a skip button and a to do list.

in panel 5, logan is about to speak before patton starts speaking again. 'nevermind,' he says, back turned to the viewer. the panel is split down the middle by the door.

'im probably talking to an empty room... or you're angry at me too," patton continues on panel 6, starting to stand up straight. logan's face falls.

panel 7 shows the two fully, patton walking away and logan looking resigned. patton finishes the conversation, saying "it's fine." end id]

>> “It’s fine” he said, y’know, like a liar.

My new fav thing is looking back on old dialogues and going “well that aged like milk”

[98prilla]

Birthday

Next

Previous

AO3

The next little part of my Darkside Logan series! Enjoy!

...

He wakes to a wild screech, glitter and party popper streamers raining from the ceiling, an incredibly loud noise maker going off, fireworks exploding against the ceiling, in pops of deep indigo and silver sparks. He raises an eyebrow as he sits up, stretching, lips twitching into a smile at Remus whooping and cartwheeling around his room, finally coming to a stop in front of him, clapping his hands and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 “Good morning to you as well, Remus. That was quite an impressive show.” He says evenly, the last of the glitter settling on the ground around him. “I do hope you’ll clean that up later, otherwise it’ll get everywhere.” He yelps as Remus pulls him to his feet and into a waltz, disembodied music drifting through the room, laughing as Remus spins him quicker than his mind can process, dipping him low to the ground. Then Remus swears, and he feels the balance shift, and they’re both on the floor, Remus landing atop him in a tangle of limbs, both of them erupting into startled laughter.

 “Not that you need a reason, but this seems like extra effort, even for you. What’s the occasion?” He asks, once they both get their laughter under control, untangling from each other as Remus helps him back to his feet, grin wide and wild, practically vibrating with energy.

 “Cygie! You really don’t know!?” Remus exclaims, linking arms with Cygnus as they leave his room, slowly walking down the hall to their kitchen.

 “Hmm… nothing comes to mind?” Remus squeals, pulling him faster towards the dark commons, Cygnus’s breath leaving him in a rush as he takes in the state of the room.

 It’s decorated with indigo and silver streamers draped in intricate knots across the ceiling. There’s an archway made of black and blue balloons over the entry way to the kitchen, sparkling silver stars dotting the walls, glittering tape tracing constellations in them. And across the wall, above the couch, is a hand made, hand painted, beautifully caligrohpied sign.

 “Happy birthday, Cygnus.” Janus says, echoing the sign, emerging from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel, watching him appraisingly.

 He can’t seem to find his words.

“Cyg?” Remus asks softly, coming around his front, taking both of his hands, and he realizes his eyes are watering, on the verge of tears. “Oh shit, did we fuck up? I’m sorry, was it the glitter? Was it the penis I hid in the happy bday sign?”

 “WHAT?!” Janus squawks indignantly at that, and Logan lets out a laugh, shaking his head, because he loves these two, so much, and he’s trying to regain his composure enough to explain.

 “No, I… it’s wonderful. I just… I’ve never celebrated, my birthday before. I never… kept track, with them. I… it’s been a year, already?” He asks, looking between Remus and Janus, who are sharing slightly horrified and slightly concerned looks.

 “You never… they never did anything for you? Not even Patton?” Remus asks, his voice so high it’s nearly at a pitch only dolphins can hear. He shakes his head, looking away.

 “There were more important things to attend to. I didn’t want to distract everyone. No one… remembered, anyway, so I just… stopped, keeping track.” He explains, not protesting as Remus pulls him into a tight hug.

 “Well. Your happiness and self worth are very much more important than having a productive day. If Roman gets a full week of birthday shenanigans, the least they could have done was give you a day, sweetling.” Janus adds softly, joining the hug for a brief moment, before pulling back, wiping away Cygnus’s tears, a soft smile on his face. “you deserve it, Cygnus. You work so hard, darling. You deserve to be pampered and fawned over for at least a day.”

 “Every day must be my birthday then.” He answers, smiling at Janus’s soft laugh, who ruffles his hair as he passes by.

 “Oh, you haven’t seen nothin yet, my starry night! Today is going to be a nonstop orgy of Cygnus appreciation! To Breakfast!” Remus screeches, sprinting into the kitchen, from which loud crashing emerges a moment later, along with a muffled “I’m okay!” That has Janus shaking his head with an exasperated smile as he follows Remus into the kitchen, ready to manage whatever mess he’d made.

…

A year.

 It has been a year. One whole year. Three hundred and sixty five days. Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes. Thirty one million, five hundred thirty six thousand seconds.

 It hasn’t felt like that long. Or maybe it has felt longer, with all the changes taking place in the mindscape. He’s not really sure, but it sure is giving him a bit of a strange sense of vertigo, right now.

 It’s almost impossible, to compare where he is now to where he was a year ago, two years ago. He’s… happy. He’s so much happier than he’s ever been before, he feels appreciated, he feels loved, he feels listened to. He’s not working himself to near death every single day without giving himself any breaks. He’s not pretending to be a machine, not denying his emotions anymore. He’s smiling, he’s laughing, he’s crying, he’s… learning, how to express himself, to understand his emotions, and always, always, Remus and Janus were patient and considerate and there for him.

 His relationships with the others are also probably better than they have ever been before. He was right, when he told Patton so long ago that they would do better as friends than as family. That the distance would be good for them.

 Everyone is making progress, in leaps and bounds, in acknowledging their own faults, in realizing their own shortcomings, in accepting their flaws and reaching out for help. It helps, he supposes, that there are now two sides who can, in a way, sense lies. Neither him nor Janus will let the others get away with denying their needs or wants, not when it’s important, anyways, and slowly, everyone is getting into the habit of simply… not hiding.

 Patton is open, about his bad days. The days he calls ‘gray days’, where the world doesn’t seem to shine, where nothing feels right or good, and he can’t see a point to getting out of bed. He’s devised several signals, clear markers with everyone that show a day is gray, so he doesn’t have to say it, to speak it out loud, because even that is too hard, somedays, it’s easier to just leave a frowny face sticker on his door, and the first one to see it tells everyone else, who take turns spending time with him, coaxing him into activities, or at least out of bed, slowly driving the apathy away.

 Roman is still trying to find himself. To rebuild himself, from the crushing defeat and existential crisis of the wedding, and everything it resulted in. He still struggles to admit when he’s struggling, still finds it hard to portray anything other than the happy, peppy persona, but he doesn’t pull back, run, anymore, when someone calls him out. If someone asks how he’s feeling, how he’s doing, Roman won’t paste on a smile and chirp out an answer. He’ll let his mask fall, and answer honestly. It’s too hard, yet, to bring it up himself, so the others are learning to ask, making sure to ask, making sure to not simply brush Roman’s worries or frustrations aside. He’s happier, too, Cygnus knows, the time spent writing with Thomas has him happier than he’s been in years, and more and more days the answer to how he’s feeling is on the okay side of the scale.

 Virgil… has stayed much the same, outwardly. But he spends more time, now, with Remus and Janus, and… himself. They’ve talked, quite a lot, actually. He explained his history with the other two dark sides, why he acted how he had towards them, had explained too about his old, unhealthy, habits, how he still struggles, every once in a while, though he hasn’t given in and done it in years. He’d hugged Virgil then, it was maybe the bravest thing the anxious side had ever done, telling him that, telling him everything, apologizing for how he’d reacted, the first time he had appeared to all of them, as Ambition. He’d found it impossible, not to forgive him. Overall, he’d handled it the best out of any of them.

 And Thomas.

 He’s so proud of Thomas. He’s taken everything in stride. He’s making time for himself, making time to spend individually with every side.

 He’s writing with Roman, and also with Remus, working with him to express his horrifying ideas in darkly comedic ways, countering Roman’s fairy tale quests and happy endings.

 He’s watching movies with Virgil, or swapping music with him, listening to him spout off about his favorite bands, favorite lyrics. They’ve broken out the karaoke machine a couple times, singing at the top of their lungs, dancing like fools around the living room until they’re breathless from laughing. Virgil’s smile is becoming a more and more common sight.

 He’s crafting with Patton, the fatherly side teaching him how to knit and crochet, which Patton is an expert at, fawning over every one of Thomas’s haphazard attempts at a scarf or pot holder. While their hands are busy, they talk, about anything and everything. They’re even attempting to learn how to cook together, though that often ends with the smoke alarm going off. They’re not allowed to cook unsupervised anymore, usually Virgil or Janus keeping things from getting too out of hand from the living room couch.

 He’s playing video games with Janus, who loves to pick out the strange, indie games, the ones with ambiguous story lines, twist endings, choices that affect the game, affect the people in it. They discuss undertale for hours, Janus going on an hour long monolague of Flowey’s morality, his take on how much influence Asriel actually has on Flowy, when he’s soulless, surprised that Thomas pays attention the whole time, just as into the game as he is. They play A Way Out together, and Thomas actually throws the controller at the plot twist, shock on his face, as he’s forced to battle Janus, who is laughing the whole time at his indignant spluttering and shocked expression, Janus absolutely annihilating him.

 And himself. Thomas hadn’t been lying, when he said nothing changed, between the two of them, just because he is now Ambition. Thomas hasn’t shied away from him, hasn’t excluded him. He’s made time for him, as well. He’d bought a telescope, and set it up in the backyard. They go stargazing together, Cygnus pointing out the planets, when visible, the constellations, passing comets, relaying their history and myths, Thomas asking questions at every turn, until their conversation was somewhere else entirely, talking about anything and everything. They’d also started a bit of a book club, as Thomas called it, though it was really just the two of them. Each month they took turns giving the other a book to read, and then they’d discuss it. He usually sticks to the classics, the three muskateers, moby dick, the jungle book, and he was a bit surprised at how fast Thomas took to them, how much he enjoyed them, enjoyed discussing them. Thomas’s choices surprise him sometimes, too. It’s not always another adventure novel, sometimes it’s the original book of Wicked, or a nonfiction book about the history of cartoon animation, he varies more than Cygnus would have guessed, and he’s surprised at how… entertained, he is, by Thomas’s choices, the ones he would never have picked to read himself.

 But most importantly, most incredibly, were the others. Patton, Roman, Logan, Virgil. They had all, individually, apologized, for the way they had treated him, talked over him, ignored him, silenced him. And they were proving they meant it. Every day, they were proving they meant those apologies. They were listening to him. Listening to each other. Everyone has an equal voice, now, and everything feels… good.

 So why, does it having been a year, make him feel so… strange? It’s not sadness, not even nostalgia, really, it’s… something melancholy. Something a bit happy, something a bit sad, something a bit wistful.

 “Cygnus? Are you alright?” He blinks away his thoughts, realizing he’s been staring at his plate of pancakes for a solid five minutes without taking a bite. They look delicious, topped with sugared berries and warm syrup.

 “Just… lost in thought. These are from your garden, correct? Hopefully the non venomous section.” He answers, looking up at Remus, who’s shoveling pancakes topped with caramel and rainbow sprinkles into his mouth, who swallows hugely, nodding.

 “Yuppers! And I did pick the ones that won’t kill you, just for your b-day, cygie! At least, they should be mostly non toxic. Let me know if your tongue starts tingling.” Remus answers, and Cygnus chuckles, cutting into his pancakes.

 “I will take that into account.”

…

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, when he wanders up the stairs, towards the light side living room. He doesn’t even intend to go there, really, it’s just… where he’s drawn.

 “Ambition. We, uh, didn’t expect you, so early.” Roman says, peeking out of the living room, moving to lean against the doorframe, blocking his view of it before he could see anything.

 “Roman. You are acting… strange?”

 “Me? Wha? No, I’m being perfectly normal! Because you, Ambition, is here!” He sputters, saying the last sentence far too loud to be normal. He’s about to reply, when Patton’s head appears, shooing Roman out of the way.

 “You, go finish the… the project! Ok, Roman?” Roman nods, scurrying back into the living room, Patton taking his place blocking the doorway.

 “Is everything alright, Patton?” He asks, slightly amused, and only mildly concerned at a distant curse from Virgil.

 “Uh huh! Just finishing up something! What brings you here, Ambition? Not that it isn’t good to see you, and you’re of course welcome here all the time, but why on this particular day at this particular moment have you chosen to come visit?” Patton squeaks, his tone rising in pitch until it was nearly above human hearing.  

 “Are you alright, Patton?” He asks, trying to gauge what exactly has everyone so on edge.

 “Yup! Just waiting for the ok!”

 “The okay for what?”

 “We’re ready!” Roman calls, and Patton steps aside.

 “The ok for this.” Patton says softly, stepping aside and ushering him into the living room. For the second time this day, all the air escapes his lungs, and his hands cover his mouth to stifle whatever noise is trying to escape, he can’t tell if it’s a sob or a laugh or something in between.

 The room is decorated with glow in the dark stars, blue and white flowers climb the walls on deep green vines, blooming from the cracks in the plaster, filling the room with the sweet smell of summer. On the table sits a cake, carefully air blown a blue ombre, constellations carefully traced across it in silver gilding, it must have taken hours. He can feel the tears slipping down his face, knows everyone is trying to figure out what to do.

 “Ambition. Can I hug you?” Virgil asks, stepping into his field of view, and he nods, letting Virgil wrap his arms around him, surprising even himself as he hugs back, face buried in his shoulder. He feels Roman’s arms wrap around him from behind, Patton’s joining a moment later, surrounding him in warmth.  

 “you remembered. I… you’ve never…”

 “We know. I know, Amby. And we’re so sorry.” Roman murmurs, pulling back.

 “I know this doesn’t make up for that, for all those years… but we thought maybe, maybe this could be part of starting over. Of being better.” Patton adds, smiling through his own teary eyes as he pats Ambition’s shoulder, before pulling away as well, Ambition finally emerging from Virgil’s embrace, swiping at his eyes.

 “Yes. I would… like that.” He mumbles, still a bit awestruck.

 “Oh, let’s get Janus and Remus, for presents!” He frowns slightly at that, stepping back.

 “Did they put you up to this?” He asks, voice trembling, and he hears Janus’s soft laugh from the doorway.

 “No, sweetling. This was all them. We didn’t tell them a thing.” Janus murmurs, appearing with a swish of his cape, Remus thundering up the stairs behind him.

 “Nice digs! Not nearly as sweet as our decorations of course, but you tried!” Roman splutters indignantly at that, squaring off against his twin.

 “Please! I bet I could plan a party better than you, any day!”

 “Maybe if it was for babies. Can you even make a cocktail?”

 “Of course! I know how to mix drinks, Remus.” Remus grinned, eyes swirling.

 “I was thinking more of an entrée.”  He replies with a smirk and shoulder shimmy.

 “Remus.” Janus says, exasperated, glancing at Patton.

 “It’s alright. He’s just excited! I’m sure you’d throw very interesting parties, Remus. If… if you promise not to make it too scary, maybe you and Virgil could team up for a Halloween one.” Patton suggests, laughing as Remus squeals, launching himself into Virgil's arms, who catches him instinctually in a Scooby-Doo like hold, before dropping him like a hot potato.

 “What the heck, dude!?”

 “Can we? It’ll be like old times, you and me, creating horrors and monsters and creeping lurking things? Pleaaaaase?” Virgil snorts as Remus bats his eyelids at him, rolling his eyes.

 “Yeah, sure, whatever.” He mutters in agreement, trying to contain his own grin as Remus whoops, spinning him around in a circle, already babbling about ideas. It’s good, to see them laughing together.

 “I believe someone said something about presents?” Janus drawls, resting a hand on Cygnus’s back, gently leading him to sit down on the couch. Instantly, everyone else crowds around, clamoring over who gets to go first, and he’s crying again, because not only are they giving him attention, they’re fighting for his attention, and he supposes he should feel guilty about liking it, but Janus has rubbed off on him, a bit, so he just smiles, instead.

 Before anyone else can, Roman shoves a box into his hands, grinning at having gotten in ‘the first gift’, everyone settling as he stares at the shimmery blue wrapping paper. Tentatively, he peels back the paper, removing the cardboard top of the small box, eyes widening.

 It’s a large, blue star sapphire, embedded in a silver filigree, hanging from a silver chain. He lifts it, slightly awestruck, turning it over as his thumb feels grooves against the back, tilting his head to decipher the writing, discovering it’s his name, Ambition, in circular galifreyan.

 “Did I get the spelling right? I looked up several guides, but there’s a lot of rules and such.” Roman asks, no doubt nervous at his silence.

 “It’s… it’s perfect, Roman. Thank you.” He says softly, slipping the chain over his head, the pendant resting just above his heart. He looks up in time to see Roman’s blush, his expression so tenderly soft, looking at him, that he clears his throat and looks away.

 “Me next! Ours are a set!” Remus interrupts, shoving another box into his hands, slightly larger than the previous one, though much the same weight. “Ro had the idea, and we coordinated our results!” He chirps, as Cygnus pulls open the box, a soft grin already on his face.

 It’s a silver circlet, with a teardrop blue diamond that will sit in the center of his forehead, and engraved along the inside of the circlet is more galifreyan, this time that reads ‘cygnus’. The band is thin and light, but sturdy, and he knows the engraving must have taken a long time, to do by hand, requiring a lot of patience and focus.

 “It’s wonderful.” He murmurs, slipping it onto his head, finding the weight odd, but rather comforting. His past self would have scoffed, at these items, said he didn’t desire to play pretend, to play dress up, and what was the point of them? But he knows better, now, has more confidence in himself and expressing himself, now, and he knows he’ll rarely be seen without them on, he loves them already.

 “Wow, ok, well, way to make a side feel wholly inadequate. Um, here, I guess.” Virgil mumbles nervously, depositing a tissue paper wrapped item in his lap. “It’s not much, compared to, that, but-“ Virgil cuts himself off with a shrug, toeing the floor nervously as he unwraps the paper.

 It’s a photo. He’s in the kitchen, head thrown back, laughing. Remus is a blur of green movement in the background, chasing a blur of red, a pot is boiling over on the stove, Patton frantically stirring it, trying to scold the twins from over his shoulder, and somehow Janus is hissing from atop the fridge, clearly having climbed up there to escape the shenanigans below. He smiles, running his thumb over the frame, touched that Virgil had thought to capture that moment, one of the first moments of happiness since everything had happened, one of the first times they’d all been together, and all let themselves go.

 “I love it, Virg. I… thank you.” He murmurs, low and sincere, and a small smile creeps across Virgil’s face as he nods, tension leaking out of his shoulders.

 Janus is next, his simple, a book Cygnus has been meaning to read for ages, but he knows it’s really an invitation for a debate, or perhaps to set up a lecture in the mindscape theater, an open invitation for a day spent ranting and raving and arguing and debating, until they’re both too tired to continue, losing their thoughts mid sentence, trying to string together coherent points at three am. He sets it aside with a small nod and smile, all Janus needs, to know he’s understood, and appreciates it.

 Patton is last, but not least, not in the slightest, as he sits down on the couch beside him, nervously running his hand up and down the couch.

 “Mine’s a bit… a bit of a group project, I suppose.” He says, handing the package to Cygnus. It’s bigger than the others, with a bit more weight to it, as well, a card taped atop the paper wrapped package. The front has a rough drawing, of all of them together, holding hands. Inside it says ‘Ambition. You’ll always be a part of my heart. Happy birthday, kiddo. Love you.’ With doodles of butterflies and stars and planets.

 He's already smiling warmly at that, as he carefully sets it aside, opening the package to find a large book. On the cover is space for a photo to be inserted, and he recognizes it immediately, it’s a selfie Thomas took with all of them. The cover is patterned in silver constellations, the background a deep blue, and curiously, he flips it open, finding the cover is signed by Patton, Virgil, and Roman, who have all written short notes to him, expressing their support, their love, their pride, in who he is becoming, in his own self. His hand is shaky as he turns the page, finding it decorated with stickers and intricate doodles outlining the edges of the pages, the edges of the photographs, each of the three of them recounting what was going on in each picture, leaving their own commentary, witty and sarcastic and heartfelt, on each photo of him smiling, them as a group, him stargazing with Thomas, Him and Janus in the debate room, eyes flashing as they argue, him on stage, wearing safety goggles, Remus helping him with an experiment, him and Patton, decorating cookies, Roman dragging him through the imagination, to search for dragons, a thousand memories and moments and smiles, genuine smiles, all put in one place, all outlined with drawings, all filled in with their words and laughter and remembrances, and he’s shaking, again, a hand over his mouth as he puts the book aside, not wanting tears to stain the pictures, to smear the ink, he wants it to stay perfect and pristine forever, he hadn’t realized they were taking pictures, hadn’t realized they’d cared to memorialize his happiness, hadn’t realized that those moments meant just as much to them as they did to him. Hadn’t realized how much they meant it, when they said they truly, deeply, cared.

 “Oh, kiddo. Can I?” Patton asks, arms open, and he nods, letting Patton sweep him up into a hug, letting himself squeeze back, breath hitching. “I love you so much, Ambition, and I’m so… I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of all you’ve done, and how far you’ve come, and much you pushed all of us to be better, you’re so good, Amby, you’ve always been the best of us. And I’m just… I’m so glad, to see you so happy, kiddo. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, for any of you, is to be happy. You’re a part of this family, kiddo, and we love you, we all love you, so, so much.” Patton murmurs, as he feels others joining the hug, surrounding him in warmth and arms and soft assurances from all sides, overwhelming him, with their support, their love, their affection. It’s everything, this is everything he’d ever hoped for, been too afraid to ask for, been denied, as Logan.

 But this… they’d done this. All by themselves, they’d done this, they’d remembered, they’d gone out of their way, to do this for him, they’ve been doing it for the entire year, every day, and he realizes, suddenly, that he’s started trusting them again. That he wants this to truly be a new start, this, today, here, is the last bit of proof that he needed, to show him they mean it, they mean their words and promises about doing better, they mean their I love you’s and affection, they put weight behind their words, and followed through, and he thinks maybe it’s time he does the same.

 So despite himself, he pulls away from the hug, smiling at the mild cursing that comes with the twins trying to disentangle themselves from around him, taking a moment to wipe away the tears from his eyes, to take a deep breath, to compose himself. His heart is pounding, irrational fear biting at his heels, and he thinks Janus understands, the leap of faith he is about to take, can sense what he is about to do, and he slips his hand into his to steady him.  

 “I… have something, I would like to say.” He says, softly, voice a bit tremulous, but the others all give him encouraging nods, and once again, he’s shocked at the difference between now and then, everyone staying silent, giving him space to speak, willing to listen. “I know this hasn’t been easy. I know… I know it hurt, in a lot of different ways, everything… everything that’s happened. But instead of pulling further away, this pulled all of us closer together, and I’m… I’m proud, of everyone, for it. You’ve all grown, so much, and I just… just thank you. Thank you for meaning it, when you said you would work harder, listen more, be better. Thank you for doing it, for showing it, for giving me, for giving each other, the room to grow. The support that was necessary, for that growth to happen.” He pauses, taking in a deep breath, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

 He realizes suddenly he’d never gotten a proper name reveal before. Before, when they all chose names, he just picked the easiest one to remember, he hadn’t seen a point, to personalizing it. And Patton had called him Logan in front of Thomas, thus accidentally stealing that moment from him, that choice, to share it or not. He’s never had to worry, about a reaction, about the weight of it, about the consequences. Then Janus squeezes his hand, and he exhales, looking up at each of them for a long moment, seeing the question, the hesitation, the dawning understanding where this is going, in Virgil’s eyes.

 “So I think… I think it’s time we start over, properly. No more hiding. No more secrets. No more… titles. My name… my name is Cygnus Ambition Sanders.” He’s barely finished the sentence, when Patton is barreling into him once again, wrapping him in a tight hug, tears falling though he’s grinning hugely as he pulls away, eyes shining behind his glasses.

 “Thank you. Cygnus, thank you.” Patton says softly, practically bouncing in excitement, the air radiating with his joy and delight and heart stopping love.

 “It suits you, teach.” Virgil says simply, though he wears one of his rare, open, lopsided grins, eyes warm and soft as he looks at him, somehow warming his heart more, because he knows Virgil understands, what it means, how much it means, that he’s shared his name. Virgil has been there, in much the same position he himself is now in, and he relaxes slightly at his approval.

 “Cygnus.” Roman murmurs, seemingly a bit dazed by the revelation, though the name sounds like music on his lips, making Cygnus’s ears burn red, as Roman sweeps him up, spinning and dipping him, a mirror of Remus this morning, god was it only this morning? And he remembers once more just how similar the twins are, though they’re both loathe to admit it. He laughs as Roman sets him upright once more, pressing close in a moment long hug, steady and firm and grounding. “thank you, Cygnus. You’re so brave, and we’re so, so lucky, to have you with us.” He murmurs, before stepping away. ��See Remus! That’s how you do a dip!” He yells at his brother, who’s grinning ear to ear, laughing.

 “But it’s so much more fun to drop them!” Still, Remus sweeps him into a hug as well before skipping off, trying to steal frosting off the cake, if Virgil’s indignant screech and subsequent pounding of footsteps chasing is anything to go by.

 Janus pulls him close, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head before leaning forwards until their foreheads touch, resting against each other, his hand stroking back a stray piece of hair, lingering against his cheek in a pleasant warmth.

 “Proud of you, lovely. You’ve done so well, Cygnus, you really have.” He smiles, not pulling away.

 “You know this doesn’t change anything, correct? I’m not moving back. I’m not leaving you and Remus. I will never.” He murmurs back, a promise, ringing with truth, and he feels some of the tension washing out of Janus.

 “Of course. Now, let’s cut into that cake before Remus decides to shove the entire thing into his gaping maw.” He laughs, stepping back, letting Janus lead them back into the fray the party has become, smiling at the single candle atop the cake, Patton struggling with the lighter, before Virgil gently pries it away, lighting the candle in one go, despite muttering about it being a fire hazard and the whole house going up in flames, Janus wrangling the twins out of their chase to sing happy birthday, both of them trying to outdo each other with riffs, though they finally do actually finish the song together, harmonizing the last few lines.

 Staring at the lit candle, at the joyful, expectant faces around him, Cygnus realizes he only has one single wish, as he blows out the candle.

 That every day, could be this perfect.

[seelie-regent]

@analogicalweek

I wrote everything two weeks ago so I would actually remember to.

Day One(Debate/Anniversary)

Virgil remembered the day that Logan confessed like it was yesterday, despite it being two years since they got together. On April fourth of 2019, Logan had asked Virgil to accompany him stargazing. Virgil- a pinning fool at the time- had agreed without so much as a second thought. Under the twinkling stars, Logan had confessed and the two had been dating ever since.

Virgil had been planning their anniversary with the help of Roman for weeks. The busy boyfriend never held it against his lover when he forgot, knowing Logan was always incredibly busy. Virgil would plan something special for any anniversary and would drag his lovely date-mate away from his work, off to do something fun, just the two of them.

Although Logan always enjoyed the surprises, he felt incredibly inadequate in returning them. This year in an attempt to make up for his perceived lack of effort, he decided to get Virgil something special.

April fourth of 2021 began like most days among the Sides. Logan was up first making a pot of coffee, while Patton came down ten minutes later to start on breakfast. Roman would come down just before breakfast was done cooking and humming some song or other. Then Logan would go and get Virgil for breakfast since if he didn’t, Virgil would sleep till well past noon.

Opening Virgil’s door, Logan found him still asleep and looking quite adorable if he did think so himself. Shifting the gift from hand to hand, he walked over to his Starlight. Shaking the other gently to rouse him from his sleep, Logan waited for him to fully awaken before speaking.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” Virgil said, sitting up all the way.

“I have something for you,” Logan trailed off, feeling mildly nervous.

“Really?”

“Here. Happy anniversary V,” and Logan handed over the gift.

“You remembered?” His voice was tinged with excitement.

“I did,” a smile graced is his face, “ forgetting is hard.”

Virgil began to unwrap the gift carefully. He picked up the small box and inside sat a necklace shaped as Cygnus, Virgil’s favorite constellation, each star made from sugilite and held in white gold. Logan reached forward and helped Virgil put on the necklace. The quieter one could barely keep the grin off his face as he brushed his fingers over the necklace.

“It’s beautiful L,” Virgil said and kissed Logan’s cheek.

“I’m glad you like it, Starlight.”

They ended up cuddling after Virgil had changed out of his pajamas until an exasperated Patton came and got them for breakfast.

[lovecorepatton]

[id: a drawing of patton from the waist up. he holds out his hands, displaying a blue heart with a bandaid on it. his glasses are round with blue rims, and he smiles nervously. end id]

you don’t have to hide your pain life without rainy days is incomplete

[mysticmeadowscamp]

i feel like patton would do the things his dad Specifically told him not to do out of spite like for example my parents told me not to feed the stray cats and guess what i did? yeah their names are orion “spoon”, cygnus, phoenix, and leo minor -dice anon

Patton said "I will cause inconveniences on purpose"

[notalwaysthevillian]

A Different Side of Hogwarts

Warnings: None?

Word Count: ~1.2K

Pairings: Platonic LAMP at the moment, Pre-Romantic Reston

Masterlist

Chapter 3

The familiar sounds of Platform 9 ¾ filled the air as soon as Patton passed through the wall. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw the Hogwarts Express. The train that would be taking him to another year of fun!

He looked around for his friends, but there weren’t too many people on the platform yet. His parents had heard some horror stories of people missing the train because they were late, so they were extremely early to the platform year after year.

Not that Patton minded! It was fun to watch the platform fill up with families, and even better to snag a seat early.

“Patton, you have everything? Cookie is all set?”

Looking over, Patton saw Cookie fluff her wings in her cage, also happy to be going back. “Yeah!”

Mr. Foster ruffled his son’s hair. “I know you’re excited to see your friends. I’m sure they’ll be here soon.”

“Don’t worry, I can wait!”

Mrs. Foster finished giving some directions to Missy before turning to the rest of the family. “Your father and I have a few meetings to get to. You’ll be alright by yourselves? I’m sure I can postpone a little while.”

“Mom, we’ll be fine.” Imogene said, expertly twisting her long blonde hair into a braid. “And we’ll take care of Patty. No need to worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Susie, they’ll be fine.” Mr. Foster put a hand on his wife’s shoulder, giving her a look. “The meeting will be fine too, I’m sure of it.”

Missy leaned her arm on Patton’s shoulder. “Yeah, Mom, don’t worry. They’re definitely going to give you the promotion.”

Looking at the genuine smiles of her family, Mrs. Foster got a little teary eyed. “You’re right. I’ve worked hard, and I’ve earned it.”

“So that’s where Pat gets it from.” Imogene joked, earning giggles from her brother.

Wiping away the brief tears, Mrs. Foster gave a brief wave to her kids. “Okay. Send us lots of letters and have fun! Love you!”

“Love you too!” Came the chorus from the Foster kids as their parents headed back out into the muggle station.

“Pat, did you want to find a compartment right away? I can help you with your trunk.” Missy asked, immediately taking charge.

Patton shook his head. “I’m gonna wait for my friends. But you go ahead, I know you want to study some more.”

“Make sure you take breaks, Missy. The OWLs might be tough but don’t overwork yourself.”

Missy waved her wand in the air, lifting her trunk. “I know, I know. You drilled that into me this summer.”

“If I didn’t you’d be a blob on your bedroom floor.” Imogene reminded her, lifting her own trunk with magic. “Pat, if you need help at all, come find one of us, ‘kay?”

He nodded, watching as his sisters headed onto the train. There still wasn’t too many people on the platform, so Patton pulled some treats out of his pocket, sliding them into Cookie’s cage. She hooted happily, gently pecking at his fingers.

“We’re gonna have so much fun this year, Cookie.” He gently stroked her feathers. “Ro wants to try out for Quidditch, so we’ll have someone to cheer on at matches. And V doesn’t have that awful portrait anymore, so we don’t have to worry as much.”

“Hi.”

Even though the voice was quiet, Patton jumped. He turned to see Celeste standing next to him.

“Sorry, I -”

“Don’t be sorry! I wasn’t paying attention, you’re fine.” Patton interrupted, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt!”

“It’s okay.” Celeste glanced down at her hands, fiddling with her sweater. “Are you by yourself too?”

“No, my sisters just - wait, you’re alone?”

She nodded, her black bangs falling in her face. “My parents were busy, but they got me a car to get here. I don’t really need help. I’ve seen a lot of my cousins go through the wall before.”

“But it’s still not nice to be alone.” Patton frowned, glancing over at her trunk. “Is that a cat carrier?”

“Mhmm. Cygnus is in there. He’s sleeping.” Celeste brightened ever so slightly as she talked about her cat. “He doesn’t like the train ride, so my parents charm him to sleep until we get to the castle.”

“Can I look?”

She nodded, moving so that Patton could look inside the carrier. He saw a huge fluffy white cat curled up inside, snoring softly.

“Ohhhh, he’s so cute.” He whispered, bouncing on his toes. “And so big.”

“Yeah, he’s a Maine Coon.” She explained, reaching in and stroking a paw. “So he’s real big. A lot of it is fur, and I have to brush him a lot, but it’s really soothing. He just lays in my lap and purrs when I brush him.”

The two of them continued to talk about pets for a while, only stopping when Patton saw Logan walking up to them.

“Lo!” Patton rushed forward, stopping just short of the Ravenclaw. “Can I hug you?”

“Yes, that would be - oof!”

The wind was knocked out of Logan’s lungs as Patton threw his arms around him. With a small smile, Logan hugged him back, Patton’s hair tickling his nose. When he looked up, he saw Celeste grabbing her cart.

“You don’t have to leave.”

She startled, looking confused. “I was just waiting with Patton.”

“Don’t leave! We can keep talking about our pets. Logan has a white cat too!”

Celeste looked at Patton, seeing his puppy dog eyes. “I just thought you’d want to hang out with him instead.”

“No!” Patton shook his head. “I want to hang out with both of you. Two friends are better than one!”

“How about three?” Came a familiar voice.

“Roman!” Patton hugged the Gryffindor, receiving the same enthusiasm in return.

As they split, Roman tilted his head back toward the column. “I saw the emo outside, but I don’t think he’ll be joining us until we’re on the train anyway.”

“Probably not. Especially if his parents are still around.” Logan reasoned, before looking at his trunk. “Perhaps we should find a compartment? There seems to be a lot of people coming in, and we wouldn’t want to be split up.”

“That would be a nightmare!” Roman put a dramatic hand over his shoulder, getting a laugh out of Celeste. “Oh, hi! Are you going to sit with us?”

“You want to sit with a Slytherin?” She asked, stroking Cynus’s paw through the carrier again.

Roman shrugged. “Not all Slytherins are bad. Virgil’s oldest brother is pretty cool.”

“Even if he seems to be trying to seduce my idiot brother.” Flicking his wand, Logan levitated his trunk. “Shall we?”

“We shall!”

[candied-peach]

logan's astronomical adventures series (either the series as a whole or pick one, i love them all) + 3, 4, 5?

3. What's your favorite line of narration? -There's Cassiopeia and there's Andromeda, and that must mean- yes, there's Cepheus and Cygnus, too! Logan can't help but flap his hands, the tiny digits a blur of motion. (from "a path among the stars")

4. What's your favorite line of dialogue? -"Hey, Logan," Remus says, ignoring his mother's protest. "Didja know that frogs can change their sex?"

Logan shakes his head, unable to verbally answer. Remus doesn't seem to mind.

"They can," he says. "If there's a bunch of girl frogs, then some of them will turn into boys so they can have more baby frogs." Logan gives him a thumbs up and he smiles.

"There's a cephalopod called a vampire squid," Remus continues, as Patton comes panting across the lawn, spacer clutched in one sweaty hand. (from "birthday party")

5. What part was hardest to write? -janus's therapy session in "a donut kind of day" because i was really focused on trying to make his therapy sound remotely believable

[sanders-highschool-musical]

Logan Cygnus

>Sophomore

>Probably the smartest kid in his grade

>Bullied a bit for wearing skirts regularly

>Overworks himself to the max

>Loose friends with Patton and Remus

[willowaudreykeyes]

Oh fuck you didnt finish them yet.. then Janus or Thomas?

XD I’m about to start writing Roman’s soon, then Remus’ should be quick to follow. But I’ll happily share Janus’ backstory. I’ll uh... just copy and paste what I have in google docs😅

Be careful though please. His backstory involves child neglect and child abuse so only read if you can. Don’t force yourself.

Janus’ father left him and his mother three days after he was born; and an hour after the doctor said that his scales and one snake-like eye wouldn’t disappear.

All shapeshifters have some physical animal trait, such as fur or a tail, but Janus’ seemed to grow to more than any other shapeshifters has before. He’s met others with scales, but theirs were in a small patch or two. Janus’ scales covered the left side of his face, neck, down the left part of his torso and arm, and ended just before they reached his toes.

His mother made him hide his scales at every chance. She was used to being surrounded by others and gossip, so she had to bring him to weekend meetups. He was told to socialise, which he promptly ignored so that he could go write short stories in a corner. His mother’s friends often commented on his actions.

Eventually she made excuses to her friends to leave him behind, to both of their joy.

Her friends would still talk about him though, as he often got into fights with other children and they’d question her parenting.

She tried to make him ‘perfect’ so that she could have something to brag about. Forced him to read and do math several years above his grade. Taught him as much science, magick history and history as she could. Made him join a self-defence course. 

She often lied to the school and the government, saying that he was doing all of this unprompted and that she did two jobs to support him. The government gave her money for her ‘prodigy’ child. 

He was a top student, but his mother never praised him and it led to him becoming depressed. He continued to lash out at others and often lied about assignments to prolong them in order to have a few hours of peace. Eventually he began skipping classes and he shapeshifted into his mother to get out of more schooling.

Even started lying to his mother to make her happy and leave him alone. He still preferred writing short, often fictional stories but she called them a waste of time. A stack of books filled with these stories were hidden beneath the floorboards.

Janus was ten when she found out about his lying habit. She found the loose wood panel in his room and waited for him to get home from school before burning all of his books in front of him.

She was hysterical; saying that no matter what she did to ‘fix’ him, he was still a freak and it made her an outcast. He didn’t know how to reply. He went to wipe the tears off the scaled side of his face a moment before she grabbed him.

She rolled up his left pant leg, grabbed a fire-proof oven mitt and held his leg in the burning pile of books. He struggled until he managed to grab one of the books and threw it in her face, causing her to let him go.

He ran on pure adrenaline. He ran until he passed out by a road. He remembers waking once or twice to hearing other children and a woman before suddenly waking up in a huge bed.

One of the Princes had found him along the road while looking for bugs. He got his twin and mother from nearby, then stayed with Janus until he woke up.

The King and Queen heard his story and sent people out to find his mother. Two days later, she was found three towns away, murdered in an alleyway.

Janus wasn’t too upset when he heard as he never loved his mother, due to how she treated him. He was more afraid of being in an orphanage.

But as he recovered from his burns, he and Prince Remus became close friends. And at least friendly with Prince Roman as Janus was too tired and sore to try and scare them off like other kids.

Even after telling the King and Queen that he was a liar, that he was sarcastic, that he was useless because of his newly formed limp; they offered that he stayed as Remus and Roman’s advisor. They knew about his ‘prodigy’-like intelligence and said that he’d do fine.

Four years later, Janus and Remus were inseparable and he helped Roman out of tons of problems he had put himself into. Like the time he filled his bedroom filled with frogs after reading “The Princess And The Frog”.

He continued to learn for his own sake, and for the twins’ sake. He found that it was a better goal than to please someone who didn’t care about him when the Royal Family often showed their appreciation to even the smallest of acts.

He had been learning how to fight by himself until he convinced the Head Guard and a nearby talented thief to teach him. He became both the Princes Advisor, and their personal Guard.

He found out that the Royal Chef was planning on killing the King by gaining one of the maids favours (he had helped her find where her long-lost daughter was and got some info on the entire staff in return). 

He even managed to get a hold of rare plants and ingredients for Remus’ crazy ideas and the Royal Healers. He never told anyone how, but everyone quickly learns that he somehow talks and lies his way to get what he wants. The King finds this a good thing; as it’s often to protect the Twins.

When the King and Queen said that the Twins were going to go to King Cygnus Aurelian’s School of Magick; he was glad as their current teacher was a ditz in his opinion. 

Janus also disliked that Roman had begun to turn more pompous and less heroic and hoped that putting him with the ‘common folk’ would be good for him.

He was surprised when Remus settled in quickly; while he wasn’t surprised that Roman often complained about his lack of attention every day.

He one day watched an emo kid punch Roman in the face. He went to go sort it all out, but stopped as Roman began to say everything on his mind. He watched from afar as they looked after him.

When Roman began to change for the better, he immediately went digging into the kids’ backgrounds and quickly learnt that he was screwed. With all of their family backgrounds in mind, he made friends with them and told himself that he would help protect all of them.

Virgil asked if he would die for him or any of the others. Janus replied with “No. My gloves would get dirty” and immediately regretted it after he was thrown out of a window by a formless shadow. 

After he defended himself against a mad/sad/very emotional Virgil, and after Patton calmed him down, he quietly told him that he was often known to be a liar. After a moment, Virgil understood and they… mostly made up. Their occasional fights afterwards were never even close to as violent.

So yeah! That’s his backstory. Just ask if anything isn’t completely clear as I left out the more world-building stuff and just stuck to the backstory.

[lovecorepatton]

[id: two drawings of patton jumping into a puddle with a wide grin on his face. he holds a rainbow umbrella. the second drawing has no shading or color effects. end id]

its his birthday!

[vincent-frankenstein]

To My Heart and Soul

Summary: Roman Cygnus has been dead for nearly a year, and Logan still can’t bring himself to move on. It’s hard not to dwell when all the light has been stolen from the world, leaving it barren and dark. But he has to move on — he has to face the facts. Roman is gone.

But then a stranger in a patchwork cloak saves his life, and he’s thrown into a world of magic he could never hope to understand — a world that Roman once called home. But where there’s magic, there’s danger — and here it takes the form of Dorian, a dark wizard bent on taking over the magical world.

With Roman’s brother Patton by his side and a whole new world to explore, Logan races to find Roman’s secret weapon before Dorian attacks. But along the way, he finds himself asking a question he’d vowed to never ask again.

Is Roman really dead?

Warnings: major character death, villain/abusive deceit, blood, fighting, panic attacks, creepy imagery

Pairings: logince, hints of moxiety, a tiny smidge of remile and past abusive anxceit

Read on AO3

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Art by @cause-a-gay-has-got-to-slay is here, here, here, and here!

Aaaaand finally — after months of sleepless nights and so many plot revisions i could cry — my big bang is done! Thank you so much @cause-a-gay-has-got-to-slay for being such a wonderful artist! and thank you @vvirgils , @ruh-roh-emer-has-an-account , and @aliferous-ly for being such magnificent betas, i love yall so much

And, of course, thanks @ts-storytime for putting this whole event together. i had so much fun working on this, and i hope yall have just as much fun reading it!

aaaand @sanderssidesfanfiction asked to be tagged so!! here u go broski

[ts-storytime-summaries]

3

Warnings/triggers: major character death, villain deceit, blood, fighting, panic attacks

Pairings: logince, moxiety, past abusive anxceit

Roman Cygnus has been dead for nearly a year, and Logan still can't bring himself to move on. It's hard not to dwell when all the light has been stolen from the world, leaving it barren and dark. But he has to move on — he has to face the facts. Roman is gone. But then a stranger in a patchwork cloak saves his life, and he's thrown into a world of magic he could never hope to understand — a world that Roman once called home. But where there's magic, there's danger — and here it takes the form of Dorian, a dark wizard bent on stealing all the magic for himself. With Roman's brother Patton by his side and a whole new world to explore, Logan races to find Roman's secret weapon before Dorian attacks. But along the way, he finds himself asking a question he'd vowed to never ask again. Is Roman really dead?

[98prilla]

Gray

Previous

AO3

Part three of what I’m dubbing my “dark side logan” series. 

Patton is having a bout of depression after everything that has changed in the mindscape, and his own failures as a friend. Ambition decides to visit for a talk. 

….

He is having a “gray day”.  

 It doesn’t happen often, though it happens more than it used to. He’s trying to let himself feel all his emotions, even when they hurt, or make him feel bad, because repression doesn’t help, he knows this, now.  

 So, it is a gray a day. A day where the sparkling sepia of his room is gone, dimmed, the comforting aura of summer days and childhood nostalgia shifting into cold winters and soft regrets. A day where nothing seems bright, or good, or happy. A day where everything and anything brings tears to his eyes, so he doesn’t leave his room, because even that takes too much energy.

 Instead, he is laying atop his bed, not even under the blankets, staring blankly up at the ceiling. He can feel the fat drops of tears slipping down his face, but he doesn’t move to wipe them away. He is numb, more than anything else, he is numb against the pain as he turns up the volume on his ear buds.

 It’s Logan’s playlist. Listening makes him feel worse, makes the numbness recede enough for the ache to set in, and he doesn’t know which is worse. Feeling nothing or everything.

 Still, a smile slips through as the elements song plays, reminding him of when Logan would quietly hum it to himself, remembering the pride in his voice as he recited it from memory for the first time, having listened to it endlessly on repeat after Thomas had heard it in science class. Roman had given him a standing ovation.

 In the next breath, his small joy turns to burning shame as Erase Me plays. It is so obvious, had been so obvious, that Logan was hurting, that he was hurting so, so badly. He is emotion, he is supposed to know what the others are feeling, he is supposed to help them, he knew Logan was having a hard time, he knew he was in pain, and he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t stepped in, because, what?

 He was afraid? Afraid of offending Logan, afraid of pushing him away, afraid of breaching his privacy, afraid of making him even more unlikely to share his feelings in the future?

 He’d done a terrible job at being Logan’s friend. He hadn’t listened to him, had never acknowledged his contributions, had belittled and talked over him until he didn’t even see the point in speaking anymore.  

 And now it is too quiet. The silence follows him everywhere. He misses coming into the kitchen, Logan already sipping his tea, book open in front of him. He misses being in the commons, Logan idly sharing factoids about whatever is on the television, or spouting information from whatever topic he’s currently researching, he misses Logan’s quiet and steady presence, misses his grounding influence, misses the way he was always, always there.

 He wishes he’d given Logan even half of the care Logan had given them. He wishes he’d put aside his own stupid doubts and talked to him sooner. He wishes he’d ever taken a second to ask Logan if he was ok, because he knew that he wasn’t.

 But it doesn’t matter anymore. Logan left.

That brings another wave of tears down his face, and he rolls over onto his side, hiding his face against his pillow as he sobs silently, clutching to his chest his scrapbook, the one with a picture of the four of them on the cover, and he can’t bring himself to open it, even, to look at them, happy and together, and wonder if Logan had actually been happy in any of them.

 He knows it is selfish, this mourning, because Logan isn’t gone, gone, not really. And as much as he’s mourning for all the willfully ignorant hurt they put Logan through, that’s only half of why he feels like this.

 The other half is because he knows that Logan is happier now. He knows that Deceit will take care of him, that Remus will protect him. He knows Ambition will have long debates about philosophy with Deceit, that don’t end in frustration and anger but in mutual appreciation. He knows Remus will drag him outdoors, and Ambition will appreciate the complexness of his creatures, probably fill binders full of notebooks with scientific observations and notes about their behaviors and physiology.

 It’s selfish and low of him and he hates himself for it, but he aches because he knows that Ambition is happier. And he’s sorry, so desperately, endlessly, sorry, that it took Logan leaving to force him to see how badly he needed someone, anyone, to reach out to him.

 He doesn’t realize what he’s doing until he’s already doing it. Because if he thinks about this, he will lose his nerve, and he won’t do that again, won’t hesitate now, when last time it cost him one of his best friends.

 He feels their eyes on him as soon as he pops up, hovering uncertainly in the entryway, not wanting to intrude on their space, because this is their space, and he’s been shitty enough to them in the past, the very least he can do is simply respect them.

 “Patton.” Deceit’s voice is surprised, tinted with an edge of concern, and a fair bit of suspicion. Which is fair, honestly, given everything between them. Everything that happened with Logan.

 “Lookin pretty disheveled, Daddio, did someone show you a good time?” Remus asks, exchanging a worried glance with Deceit as Patton doesn’t react at all to his comment.

 “I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. About… about the callback, and the wedding. Not… all of it, but there could have been a compromise, there could have been something else there, and I wasn’t willing to listen. I never listen and I should and you should be heard and not just dismissed. I… I screwed everything up. I’m sorry.”

 “Patton, are you alright? Not that I don’t appreciate the apology and enjoy you finally broadening your horizons a little, but…”

 “But you look like shit. And not the fun kind.”

 “didn’t know there was a fun kind.” He murmurs, voice wavering, and they exchange another wide eyed look of alarm as Patton chokes back a gasping sob, one hand flying to cover his mouth, the other wrapping tight around his middle in an almost hug.

 “remus. I’m sorry I dismiss your ideas right away. I’m sorry I don’t take you more seriously. I’m sorry I classified you as bad and Roman as good. You’re not bad, you're just you, always and unapologetically, and that’s not bad, that’s brave. I’m proud of you, kiddo. I’m… I’m proud of both of you, not… not that that probably means much to either of you. I don’t think it should mean much of anything, anymore.”

 “Patton. Please. What’s wrong?” There’s a desperate edge to Deceit’s voice, that makes him hesitate for just a moment, but it’s not their problem, and it shouldn’t be and he’d said what he came to say.

 “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” He whispers. He sinks out before the noise building in his chest can escape his lips, before the pain can turn itself into sound, before he says or does something that makes them feel obligated to care.

 He collapses back onto his bed, this time pulling the covers up over his head, burying his face in the scarf he’d dug out of the closet earlier, holding it tight to his chest and curling around it, barely able to gasp in air through the fit of tears shaking him to the core, because it was Logan’s scarf, from his Sherlock outfit.

 He wants those days back, more than anything, he wants just one more silly roleplaying adventure of Watson and Sherlock, running around the mindscape solving mysteries, driving the other sides up the wall with their antics, it was one of the few times Logan let himself be seen having fun, had showed himself loosening up, ruddy cheeked and breathless as he accused Roman of drinking the last of the orange juice and putting the empty carton back in the fridge while he gasped in surprised horror at the crime, or tracking down Virgil’s lost head phones, interviewing suspects, until their path led them to under the couch, where they’d been accidentally kicked to after Virgil had set them down on the floor.

 He misses Logan’s smiles, his small, proud smile, when they all learned something, his soft, stricken smile when he learned something, his tight lipped, frustrated smile, his grinning, rare, wild smile, his soft voice, his loud voice, his frustration, his joy, he misses it, misses it, misses it.

 He slips his ear buds back in, numbing nothingness cresting back over him as he breathes in the scent of Logan, pressed laundry and sun warmed wood, the playlist starting back up at Equation, from the Little Prince. Surprisingly, one of Logan’s favorites. He wonders if it still is.

 …

“So… that wasn’t normal, right? I’m not going even more mad, that just happened, right?” Remus asks, eyes flicking between Deceit and where Patton had just been standing.

 “Whatever it was, it was… sincere. The only part that was a lie, was-“

 “him being ok? Yeah, that doesn’t take a genius to figure out.” Deceit frowns, looking at Remus, who quickly looks away.

 “Remus. He meant every word he said about you.”

 “Who did?” They both look a bit guilty as they look at Cygnus, who is looking at them with an eyebrow raised.

 “Patton.” Remus blurts out, and Cygnus inhales sharply, eyes narrowing.

 “What did he say? I told them to stay away from you, if he hurt you, I swear-“

 “Cyg. He… apologized. To the both of us. He looked… very bad, honestly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Patton acting so… un patton like.” Deceit interrupts, before Cygnus can get riled up even more. Instantly, he relaxes slightly, though his gaze is still puzzled.

 “I… is he… ok?” Deceit bites his lip and Remus shakes his head firmly.”

 “No. no, he’s not, he’s really, really not.” Cygnus takes a deep breath in, reaching to readjust glasses that are no longer there. Old habits are hard to break.

 “It’s ok to still care about them, lovely. It’s ok to go visit. And I think… I think Patton has some things he wants to say, now. And I think it would be good for you to hear them.” Cygnus hesitates, before smiling smally, shaking his head.

 “alright. You’re right, as always. I… will be back shortly. I suppose.” Cygnus shoots them a small, brave smile, before vanishing.

…

 He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying here. The music has long since gone dead, but he doesn’t have the will to turn on something else, or to start it again. He’s replaying Ambition’s words over and over.

 He was right. In that moment, all he had been afraid of was being left alone to handle Roman and Virgil. He can’t do it on his own, he can’t do it alone, and he’s not the perfect pinnacle of light, he knows this, more deeply than probably the others realize, and how could he not have noticed Logan was gone for five whole days?

 There’s no excuse. He doesn’t have one, wouldn’t even attempt to produce one, because there are no words that can justify that lack of attention. He’s been a terrible, awful, horrible friend.

 “I’m not mad. I could never be mad, at what you did. You… you did what was best, for you. And you’re happy now. You’re… you’re taken care of and listened to and all the things we didn’t do for you but should have. I’m happy for you, I am! I’m just… I’m sad for me.” His voice wavers, breaking, because he knows how selfish that is, how terrible it sounds, after everything, but it’s the truth, and he won’t give anything less to Ambition.

 He hears Ambition let out a soft, low breath, feels the bed dip down as Ambition sits on the edge, and he curls tighter underneath the covers, glad he’s already spent all his tears for the day, already emptied himself out.

 “i’m sad. I’m so, brokenly, sad. Because I should have known. I should have said something. I should have been there, for you. And I wasn’t. I haven’t been. And I miss…” his voice cracks and he is proven wrong, more tears slipping down his face as he swallows, “I miss you. It’s selfish and stupid, and I know it, but I miss you. And I wish…” He can’t finish his sentence. He’s so choked up he can barely breathe. He doesn’t need to, he supposes. Ambition can already tell, better than he can put into words what exactly he wishes.

 “oh, Patton.” Ambition murmurs, the softness in his voice only makes him cry harder, because he doesn’t deserve that, not from Ambition.

 Cygnus doesn’t know what to do. He can feel everything Patton wishes and wants, and it is a conflicting cacophony of sorrow and hope and want and fear.

 He wants everything to go back to the way it was, but he wants Ambition to be heard. He wants Logan back. He doesn’t want Logan back if he’s going to be unhappy. He wants to hate Deceit and Remus for taking away Logan, but he knows it isn’t their fault, he loves them for taking care of Ambition, loves them for loving Ambition as he should be loved, he wishes he didn’t wish for any of this, he wishes he didn’t feel at all, he wishes he could just somehow fix everything even though he knows that’s impossible.

 Above and beyond all of it, all of the turmoil, is one singular burning wish.

 He wants Ambition to know he still loves him, even if Ambition hates him, as he has every right to. Nothing could stop Patton from loving him.

 “I’m sorry this is what it took, for you to be listened to. To be happy. I’m sorry I didn’t give you what you needed. I’m sorry I wasn’t good. I’m sorry I didn’t notice. I’m sorry I didn’t care. And I’m sorry that I’m sorry because being sorry now seems like too little too late!” He sobs, not looking up as he feels the blanket being gently folded over, his head now exposed from under the covers, and he feels Ambition freeze for a moment, at the sight of him.

 He must look a mess. He doesn’t care, it doesn’t matter, he just… doesn’t know, anymore, doesn’t know what he feels or wants to feel or wants at all, because everything he wants he can’t have, he doesn’t want Logan back at the expense of Ambition’s wellbeing and mental health, he wants Ambition to be happy, he wants Logan back, he can’t want both, but he does, and it hurts, and he deserves the hurt, because this surely must be what Logan was feeling before he left.

 “Patton. I’m still here. I’m still me. My role has changed, yes, but not my personality. I’m still here.”

 “I know. And it should make me feel better, but it doesn’t, because I know now that I don’t know anything about you, I never took the time to really truly know you, and I know this… guilt and shame, it doesn’t help anything, it doesn’t make up for anything, it’s nothing but selfish, but I can’t help it, because I hurt you!” he swipes at his eyes, having sat up during his outburst, legs pulled to his chest. “I hurt you. And I’m sorry. And that’s not enough. I know it isn’t. But it’s all I have.” He whispers, head against his knees, eyes closed as he tries to take a shuddering breath, tries to calm himself before he breaks completely.  

 “Patton. I don’t… I don’t hate you. I know I was harsh, with you especially, but I don’t hate you. I was angry. I still am, a bit, and I’m hurt, but I don’t hate you, Patton.” He feels Ambition carefully wrap an arm around his shoulders, and before he can stop himself, he lets out a pained cry, folding against Ambition’s side, burying his head against his side, crying harder as Ambition’s other arm encircles him in a soft embrace.

 “s-sorry, I’m s-s-sorry, you sh-shouldn’t have to b-be here right now, I’m n-n-not your problem.” He chokes out, shame bubbling in him because he can’t bring himself to pull away, even though he should. Instead, Ambition just holds him closer, letting him sob himself dry once more, until he is barely sniffling, exhaustion cresting over him, that almost wonderful numbness creeping back into his bones, settling into a depressed apathy.

 “You’re right. You’re not my problem. But I would like to still be your friend. I don’t mean to be antagonistic. I still want to work with everyone. None of that changes.” Ambition replies.

 “y-you d-do? S-still want to b-b-be friends?” he asks, brokenly, looking up at Ambition’s mismatched eyes, lip trembling, and he’s so utterly miserable that Ambition doesn’t think he could say no if he tried his hardest. But he doesn’t want to.  

 “yes. I do, Patton. Deceit and Remus are my family now. They love me like family should, take care of me like family should, that’s what I needed, that’s why I moved, because I needed to put myself first and take care of myself for once. You failed, as my family.” He flinches, but he doesn’t say otherwise, because Ambition is right, they did, he did, and it hurts, but it should. “but I think we will do better as just friends, instead of family. I think not living together anymore will help alleviate some of our problems. Will help me be listened to, more. And If I am not listened to by you all, I won’t be as frustrated because I know Deceit and Remus will.”

 “I’m sorry.” He whispers, because that’s all he can muster, as lame and lackluster as it is, it’s all he can say, because he had enough chances to do something about it and hadn’t. “I want to do better, I want to be better, I want… I want whatever you’re willing to give me, I…” he doesn’t realize his eyes are slipping shut as he feels Ambition gently stroking his hair.

 “I know, Pat. I’m not… I’m not going to give you everything, right away. I might never give you my name. But I will give you another chance, to start over. To… to try again.”

 “I wouldn’t ask anything more from you. I wouldn’t even ask that of you.” He mumbles, barely aware anymore, because this feels so good, it unties something inside of him, it gives him hope that things can get better, that they will get better. It is one tiny ray of light that cuts through the gray.

 “What you said, to Deceit and Remus… why?” He swallows hard.

 “because I should have said it sooner. I hesitated with you. I broke the last of what we had. I won’t do that again, I won’t ignore that again, I won’t… I won’t let anyone else be hurt like I hurt you.”

 “I… that’s good, Patton. That’s a good first step, to making things right. It tells me you mean it, when you say you want to be better. You’re willing to actually put in the work and the time to change for the better. I know that isn’t easy.” Ambition’s voice is a rumble against him, and he feels him pulling away.

 He wants to grab hold, to not let go, to be held tight and close until he falls asleep and wakes up well rested for the first time in nearly a week, but he desperately tries not to want that, because then Ambition will know that he wants that, and he won’t ask Ambition for it, because he hasn’t earned that closeness with him.

 He hears Ambition sigh softly as he tucks him in, managing to peek his eyes open as he feels Ambition softly tuck his hair back behind his ear. There are so many more words he wants to say, but he doesn’t need to say them, because Ambition already knows.

 “I love you.” He mumbles instead, because it’s still true, will always be true, no matter what, he loves them all.

 “I know. If… if you wish, once you are rested, you should come have a longer conversation with Deceit and Remus. I think everyone would benefit.”

 “ok.” He whispers. Ambition hesitates in the doorway, before stepping out into the hall, closing the door softly as Patton’s eyes slip closed. He freezes as he hears another door open, eyes meeting Virgil’s.

 He stays frozen as Virgil approaches, unable to read anything from him, he is keeping his thoughts so controlled that he can glean nothing from him, even as he stands right before him, fiddling with his hoodie ties, dark hair hiding his face.

 “hey.” Virgil says softly, hesitating. “he… he doing okay?” Virgil finishes, nodding towards Patton’s door.

 “He’s… doing better. We talked. I… it helped, I think.” Virgil nods, biting his lip, hand on the doorknob, pausing before he turns it, looking back at Ambition with hesitant trepidation.

 “Are… are you doing okay?” Ambition smiles smally, looking down at the ground.

 “yes. More than ok, in fact.”

 “Good. I… that’s good. They… Deceit and Remus… they’re doing alright with all of this too, yeah?” That gives Ambition pause, there’s something to unpack there, but he doesn’t know what exactly it is, and now isn’t the time to pry.

 “They’re fine, Virgil. We all are.” Virgil winces a bit, at the use of “we”, rubbing his forehead in the way he only does when he’s overwhelmed or frustrated or both.

 “cool. I… just… it’s goodtoseeyou,Ambition.” He stumbles out, then he’s in Patton’s room and the door is closed and Ambition is left staring at the closed door, wondering what exactly that was all about.

 Perhaps he’ll ask Deceit and Remus for their side of the story later, now that Patton is on the road to doing ok. At least he didn’t seem angry anymore, just… off.

 For now, he has to get Deceit and Remus ready for a longer visit from Patton. He doesn’t know how they’ll react, but a conversation is necessary. And he thinks they are all ready for it. Ready to start moving forwards. To start being… better.

[goodjobmiranda]

A Lovely Night

Short oneshot with some loceit

Deceit and Logan go up to the roof and look at the stars, it’s a delicate peace that’s becoming stronger.

Words: 821

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit

Deceit would sometimes join Logan on the roof at night, the stars shining brightly above the two and they laid back on a blanket Logan always brought up to make the roof a bit more comfortable.

Logan is often silent in these small moments of peace, glancing at the logical side from the corner of his eyes. They would remain in suffocating silence until Deceit worked past the tightness in his chest to ask about a specific constellation. He was quickly running out of ones he could find easily though, finding patterns in a bunch of far away dots was a skill that didn’t come easily to him.

A part of him just wants Logan to talk though, he wasn’t the best at remembering facts but Logan never seemed to mind repeating something as long as Deceit continued to try to learn. There’s a lot of things Deceit would love to ask but the rooftop was a quiet place where they would share only small whispers, once they were inside again Deceit would slide back into the shadows like the encounter never happened. It was becoming a routine that the lying side could honestly say he enjoyed.

Routines have a habit of breaking when it came to his dear Thomas though.

“Deceit?” Logan’s voice cuts through the silence like a knife. He must have taken too long to ask about the stars.

“I’m afraid their dead, I’m sorry for your lost.” The lying side replied, smirking when the taller male when he huffs in amusement.

Logan sat up slightly and looked over his companion that was still laying down. “Do you…” He trailed off for a moment, Deceit could see the slight nervousness in his eyes before he continued. “Would you like to know about the constellation Corvus?” Logan asked in a hushed tone, there was something about the question that made Deceit want to roll off the roof or maybe it was the way that Logan was watching him with a vulnerable look of hope.

“I would absolutely hate that.”

Logan talked a lot longer than he normally would while they were up here. After he told Deceit everything about Corvus, he started talking about Cygnus, then Hydra and so on without the need for Deceit to prompt him. It was amazing to watch him go, to witness passion like this that was normally reserved for the other sides.

It ended too soon, it got too late. As much as he tried to hold back and hide his yawns, Logan noticed. The taller male smiling softly at Deceit, it wasn’t an expression that the liar was used to and it makes his face feel heated and uncomfortable.

“I suppose we should head to bed… This night has been lovely, Thank you Deceit.”

“You’re lovely…” Deceit felt himself whisper only to immediately realized he said that out loud when Logan looks at him with wide eyes.

“I’m… Pardon?” Logan could likely see the human half of the lying sides face turn completely red as Deceit scrambles to get to his feet.

“I said you’re ugly.” De responded too fast. Wait, shit. Logan will know he’s lying and think he called him lovely anyway.

He can see the logical side cover his mouth as he chuckles. “Deceit…” Logan whispered in an amused tone.

Deceit didn’t bother with this mess he created for himself, he backed to the edge of the roof and stepped off it and letting himself fall for a moment before he sinks out. He has his breath knocked out of him when he hits the floor of his room just a little too hard.

He hates Logan, this is all his fault, how dare he-

“Ugh, feelings are horrible…”

(Small bonus)

Patton makes his way to Deceit's door. He had heard a loud thump from his room and wanted to check in on the lying side to make sure he was okay. The dad leans in close to the door, gently tapping his knuckles against the wood. "Dee? Kiddo, I heard a bang... Is everything okay?" The moral side knew that he was likely to just be turned away but he thought he could at least make to effort to show he was there.

When his question was only met with silence, Patton slowly opened the door. Something might of just fallen over and he can put it back before Deceit returns to his room. His assumption was wrong as only a moment after he opens the door, something is thrown at his face and he can hear the darker side hiss at him. "Get out of my room, Dad! I am perfectly fine and emotionally stable!"

He only has a moment to step back before the door is slammed in his face. He should probably be upset about how rude Dee just was but all he could feel was a growing sense of pride in him.

Deceit called him dad.

[lizord-lord]

Okay so I’m really sick and that’s why I haven’t done anything all week so I’m sorry, but have this picture of Patton in his prom dress and having drawn little constellations all over his face to match Logan’s space tie the boi is happy and soft and I’m angry that my throat is sore and I physically can’t squeal because he is the fucking purest creature on the planet and the soft boi wears a fucking princess dress to prom and spends an hour playing connect the dots with his freckles because he is all that is good in the world and he loves his dress and his bf I just really love Patton ok thank you for coming to my TED talk.

(Constellations under the cut, yes they are all real)

Left and right from our perspective-

Left cheek: Taurus

Nose: Cygnus

Right cheek: Cassiopeia

Right cheekbone: Sagittarius

Left shoulder: Scorpius

Left collarbone: Perseus (it’s at a weird angle but it’s perseus ok)

Left pulse point: Triangulus (yes it’s literally called triangle)

Right pulse point: Canus Major

Right collarbone: Little Dipper

Right collarbone: Lyra

Right shoulder: Orion

Tags: @whatwashernameagain @im-bad-at-life @ajdraws0430 @pastel-patton123 @royallyanxious @a-lexicon-of-words @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @the-incedible-sulk @supremestoverlord