#cw negative //

[shamebats]

They should invent an economic system where I don't have to choose between having enough income to live off of and being able to feel joy

[howlsofbloodhounds]

man it is so hard for me to get behind fanon nightmare at all “ooh he saved them he saved killer 🥹” no the fuck his ass did not. color did that stop lying on my man he put in all the hard work and time and effort and blood and sweat and tears

[likeorpheus]

so i don't typically post stuff like this, especially because I really try to avoid negativity on this blog & have worked really hard to be distant from people due to a rough past here (past abusers & groomers). I also just came back from vacation with my family & was finally feeling refreshed so of course this would happen. & that isn't to say I haven't made good friendships here again or that I haven't somewhat come out of my shell (thanks to several people that I may list in a separate post for positivity reasons). But, the tumblr RPC is not my life nor my job. anon & response below the cut:

I can't insist enough that I have spotty activity or that I'm semi-selective & mostly when it comes to interactions. I can't insist enough that I am a college student & being in my student teaching program & working full-time hours & having side gigs to boot, is draining & debilitating. writing for me has always been a passion & a privilege. I've been writing 1x1 with my RL partner on discord for 3+ years now & recently we both decided to come back here because we missed the community. We missed nerding over our content with our mutuals/friends. We missed the connections, the memes, the art, & the creativity that comes with a community of like-minded people. I guess I forgot that people can be hateful. & the only reason I screen-capped the anon is because of my intention to block & to open up a dialogue about the anonymous messages intentions towards me. I will not write with someone who feels entitled to me. I will not interact with someone who also thinks that I'm "selfish" for taking time for myself, considering that I do my best to message people privately to apologize & let them know that I still have their reply, it's just that I'm dealing with a lot. I have fellow writers that I've written starters for & they never got responded to? But I don't go looking for them to make them feel bad about themselves. I understand they have lives, obligations, & things to deal with. half of the people I follow are the same people I knew from 10 or so years ago & the landscape of activity is very different & I'm not going to pretend that I am entitled to their time, their writing, their replies, their whatever.

I never thought I'd receive a message like this. & yes it hit where it hurts. considering that I feel a lot of embarrassment & a lot of anxiety for being low activity (despite stating as much in my rules & my pinned). But this goes for everyone that feels the same way towards me: tumblr rpc is not my life nor my job & you are not entitled to me.

[err0r-t4ken]

Tried to pretend to burn the revive book...

It. It went well, The Warden put me back into my proper place. He is definitely not standing over me with an axe to my I'm so grateful to have such a good influence here with me in the prison.

Someone who knows how to keep me in line and knows when to stop, knows when it's enough. I can always trust him and Si Quackity to keep me focused on what really matters.

I'd also like to send an apology to anyone who is concerned with my treatment in the prison. I am not being tortured. It was just a harmless prank

I am not in danger.

I am getting what I deserve.

They are right.

Do not look into the prison system.

Do not ask questions.

I am safe.

[botanikos]

Image text: It's Lisa Simpson giving her presentation with the words "I blocked and deleted anons for months, and left this blog/Stolas only for it to all keep going anyway."

Today, while singing around the kitchen after having a hard time at work, I had some "post-stress clarity" or whatever you want to call it.

I have been so exhausted, anxious, and genuinely saddened by the ongoing anonymous tirade that continues to mention my name (and others — but I don't speak for them, only myself). So allow me to make some clarifying statements, shall we? Not that I owe anyone a single word... besides, those I am close with or who know me know the truth. And let me just say thank you.

To everyone else, I refuse to apologize for making this post. As a victim of this circlejerk of an anonymous harassment campaign that people don't want to acknowledge or take seriously and just label as regular old "drama" even though it's been going on for months and that is fucking WILD — I am tired of keeping quiet. So here it is, why I "left."

1. My very first anonymous "criticism" was not that at all. I still wouldn't classify it as "hate" either, despite what others thought of it at the time. However, I have come to the conclusion now, months later, that it is entirely possible, and very likely, they mistook me for someone else. "Jude, that is awfully generous" ; no it isn't. It's what I believe to be true. My URL, at the time before it was changed to botanikos, was very similar to another person's. Knowing what I do now, it makes sense. No harm, no foul.

2. I have no real proof of who has been / is / was sending the constant barrage of anonymous messages. The Cam blog stepped up and said it was them. I believe they played a part in it, for sure, but considering things are STILL being said and I received messages even after blocking them. . . Huh. Interesting, don't you think? Anyways. . . That being said — Not once have I ever made a post about or directed towards another name that has been consistently mentioned in all of this, yet my posts were stolen and used. Linked, of course, because I took the reblog feature away. So again. . . The only things I have ever addressed are a select very few (2-3 messages at most) anonymous asks. I have. . . So many screenshots of messages I consistently received. Let that sink in.

3. "Just ignore and block. They will stop." If that were true, do you think I would have left this blog? No. Again, I don't know who is behind any of this, but it doesn't take rocket science to realize it's because I write Stolas and started befriending people? I assume that is what I am guilty of and what drew the attention? Coz otherwise, WHAT is the reason FOR ALL OF THIS/THAT? I'll wait, if anyone has a valid explanation. . .

4. Yea. I DID make a new blog! Wow! It's almost like I felt unsafe and anxious on this one after everything that's happened/been going on! And the only real way I saw myself regaining control of the situation was to take a few days away, shut down this blog, and start anew?!?! And even still, my name is being dragged around to other people. . . Funny how cowards don't want to ask or talk to me themselves about whatever curiosities they have. Huh! But no longer surprising. I'm just disappointed that I know 6 year olds with more decency and respect than the adults over here.

At this point, I am acutely aware that whoever is behind this, while I may not know their direct identity. . . It is SOMEONE or a group of people who are either close friends with one another and have interacted with me on some level (or the people around me) or they are someone I am close to and unaware of their double standards.

So, of course, I'm going to use a different name and different blog, be private and highly selective, and slow to follow people back or write anymore. Because my spirit and desire to be here while not entirely gone has been severely broken. If you feel like you need anything made clear or confirmed from me, just ask. I have screenshots of everything I need/felt was necessary. I'm an open book. Talk to me in private if you need anything more from me. But there's your explanation.

So let it fucking go. At this point, I'm done being sad about it; now I'm just furious. And if saying all of this makes you dislike me or question my character, I hope you take a moment to do a little reflecting yourself, too. Because nothing I've said above is in any way demeaning. I have given you my experience(s). This blog has brought me so much joy, and sparked new friendships that I am grateful for. But the fact remains that I had to leave. I have to be someplace else, and I'm not even fully present there either.

[oakthcrn]

Just a little bit of venting under the cut. Don't mind me.

I had to take my dad to the doctors today which is a two hour drive for us, and come to find out his heart is in worse shape than we thought. They have to put in a pacemaker and they confirmed a blockage. They need to determine just how bad the blockage is to determine if he needs open heart surgery.

This is really stressing me out, I just feel so damn helpless. My dad is good spirits which is good, but he ended up just telling me to drive home and that he didn't need me there.

They said the procedures are very common and they don't even put you under anesthesia, but I still can't help but worry. I hope they discharge him tomorrow, but I already talked to work, and they are trying to help me if I need to miss work.

just blargh, I don't know what to do with myself, I'm trying to get motivated to write.

[restrainedhungr]

im gonna be 100% with yall for a hot second, mind the tags

So tbh, i kind of have been avoiding the dash here because recently more and more themes that make me extremely uncomfortable i thought i wouldnt have to deal with here are showing up :')

i havent gone a single day on this dash without incest or some other shit come up on my dash and im. honestly kinda tired of it like :')

Trauma dump time

i was sexually abused by my brother, i was taught by him that being sexual means people love you I was effectively an underage prostitute for half of my childhood life.

Starting at 9 years old. And not having an out until i was 17/18 when i was finally given psychiatric help Even then i went through a lot of abuse and cycles as majority of my life was being sexually abused it was hard to break from that cycle or know how to function without it

Please for the love of fuck, DO NOT. PORTRAY THESE TOPICS AS GOOD AROUND ME

I will not police people wanting to write topics, but there are ways to approach topics like this in good and bad lights, and you have to make a clear boundary between that. You have to make it clear you, the writer, is not accepting and ok with these themes, or writing porn to rub one off to and enable predators

A major part of being abused was online, and people pointed to those who wrote underage and incestual fiction as "see? its ok because its pretend" until it broke down my defenses and they abused me IRL. This happens. I'm a result of it I'm really fucked up mentally because of it

i still have issues with sex and intimacy and arguably can go through periods of hypersexuality or shit because my brain is so hardfucking wired its taken years of lucifer damned therapy to get to a point i can be in a healthy relationship with my GF rn.

and im honestly so fucking tired. imi so tired of seeing this everywherre but i want to be here on tumblr and be silly but honestly im spiraling and just getting high to ignore everything lmao. I know it's not a good coping mechanism but that's why I've been so silent and only been on discord. I've been getting high and playing pokemon while reading fanfics of Vi and Caitlyn cuz they're cute and wonderful.

so yeah. please

for the love of fuck

keep it off public eyes at the very least, if not DONT FUCKING DO IT.

and yes, people can call out how "oh but you RP in greek gods and hades!!" yes. BECAUSE WE ALL. RECOGNIZE. THE INCEST AND SHITI THERE. ISNT OK. NO ONE IS PORTRAYING THE INCESTUAL RELAITONSHIPS (to my knowdge) AS A GOOD THTING. AND I STILL DONT APPROVE OF PPL WHO DO THERE EITHER.

There's something to say with Fauxincest, but I'm not going to touch that with a 10 foot fucking pole, especially with my brother having not been blood related (both adopted before 2 years old) and raised together. Not to mention i dont want to talk about the differences in Mommy and Daddy kinks vs incest because yes there is a difference and anyone in kink can tell you THERE IS A DIFFERERNCE.

I'm not here to give you a lecture on what kink is vs a paraphilia, look up what paraphilias are and educate yourself because it's a serious issue that you need addressed if you have one. as someone who ppl tried to groom into them, please for the love of fuck, understand how serious it is and how much of a difference kink can have with paraphilias

so if yall wondering why ive been gone, this is why. im just tired man. im so fucking tired of this BEING EVERYWHERE.

every single fucking fandom has this issue and i cant keep. coming back to this.

i cant be safe when "safe places" are safe for people who used the same tactics to abuse me as a child and throws me back there. I won't be part of the cycle again.

[averagenolofinwean]

Maedhros: Why? Why do you always have to forgive me? Why can't you just let me rot in despair and die? It would be better that way, you know. This is difficult for you. This won't make you happy. I won't - I can't make you happy. Why don't you just choose someone else and let me fade peacefully? I don't have anything, I don't even have the silmarils, I am bound to an oath, an oath no elven creature can fullfill, I am a disgrace and an abomination-

Fingon: *sighs* Take your meds, love. Here, drink some water. Have you eaten something today? Here, let me help you. Let's go outside for a walk, okay?

[forestofforever]

I'm not sure what the point of this blog even is anymore.

[hassianlovebot]

sorry i haven't posted much lately! tbh i've been feeling kind of burnt out and massively unmotivated with palia. don't get me wrong, i still really love the game (especially the characters and the worldbuilding) and i have tried to log in and play but tbh the game itself just isn't keeping my attention rn.

i don't blame the devs at all since i know they're going Through It rn what with the massive layoffs, california fires, and losing money. that being said, the little story progression, constant game breaking bugs every update, and Way too high prices for things,,, it got to me. it sucks because i do really love this game and i Want to devote more time to it but i've lost the motivation to do that.

i'm hoping that i'll gain at least some of it back with the elderwoods update but i also can't help but feel some trepidation at the thought of the release getting pushed back and what kind of bugs will inevitably come with it.

anyway, ik i don't have to explain myself or anything, but i just wanted to let you guys know i guess? i Do still love the game and i anticipate future updates (and hopefully getting sucked back into it) but for now, i'm not devoting a lot of time to it. i'm thinking of doing some art for the characters just so i don't lose interest completely but the game itself is taking a massive backseat :/

[levil0vesyou]

(in Antwort auf eine Frage ob es im Fitnessstudio geschlechtsneutrale Umkleiden für Nicht-Binäre gibt:)

Könnten cis Leute sich selber hören? 🤔

[likeorpheus]

Feeling like I'm not very good at this whole roleplay thing ! Stay tuned !

[magebastard]

i am my biggest hater i fear

WHY IS EVERYTHING I SAY/DO THE MOST ANNOYING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD/SEEN!!!!! I OVERTHINK EVERY THING I SAY/DO SO BAD AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM BARELY A PERSON AT ALL!!!!!! IM LIKE A HALF GUY!!!!!!!!! AND THEN WHEN INTHINK BACK ON THINGS IVE SAID/DONE/POSTED IM LIKE “GOSH DUDE THIS SUCKS LOL” WHEN DO I GET THE FREEDOM OF NOT CARING!!! WHY MUST I CARE SO BAD!!!! ABOUT HOW I AM PERCEIVED!!!!!!!! IM TOO OLD FOR THIS!!!!!!

[botanikos]

that weird Cam guy said more things recently about sending hate to you and Stols and saying he wanted to make Stols look guilty https://www.tumblr.com/cam2203/771825341332389888/idk-why-people-think-that-im-stols-even-i-showed?source=share

I still can't help but think its stols on a alternate acc and just using some random person's pic but I don't know, what do you think?

Being watched for months with a near constant stream of anonymous messages about all of this, and diving into my relationships, assuming I'm dating whatever Blitz or role player I write/ship with is WILD BEHAVIOR. You are all adults, so pardon me for using my adult words and not keeping quiet for once. . .

Wow. Amazing. Cool. You know, I don't care WHO is saying or doing what anymore except, all of you may as well eat my ass since you're so far up it these days.

That apology sure as Hell isn't real or genuine. Don't talk to me ever again. Not even for an apology.

And before anyone says to block and move on: What the fuck do you think I've been doing?????????????????? Wanna see my screenshots?

[merrilark]

Not to keep harping on TUA S4, but that last anon reminded me that it's kind of hilarious how I actually got a lot of things I wanted out of the season, just in the wrong ways.

"I hope Ben doesn't have a romance with Jennifer!" = Technically doesn't because it's forced onto them by the marigold/durango reacting to each other, but it's still a "romance" by TUA standards.

"I hope Diego and Lila break up, or at least that the writing will acknowledge they're not healthy!" = They do, but in the most agonizing way possible with no resolution to the point that I can't be relieved.

"I hope Klaus has an intimate relationship with a woman, even in passing!" = He does, multiple times, but it's because he's being trafficked.

"I'll take any ending as long as it's not a time loop!" = Weeeell...

Truly a Monkey's Paw kind of situation and I need to be clearer about my wishes in the future. "The Unbearable Tragedy of Getting What You Want", indeed lmao

[cartoonscientist]

“private browsing shouldn’t even exist! it should be illegal!”

oh okay just fuck domestic abuse victims I guess