#cuz i keep on repeating this and i think some people wonder why

[navree]

Was Alicent really religious in the book? Wasn't she more of Margaery-type of a character ? I remember there was something about her seducing/having affair with Viserys when Aemma was alive , and i don't really remember the greens were conservatives and religious in F&B they seem more ambitious, also wasn't Aegon the only one who was genuinely religious after what happened to him?

Sorry for my many questions but there are many attacks on anyone likes the greens characters in saying that they're misgonystic, right-wingers , trump supporters etc.... And i got confused by that because it has been a long time since I've read the book

(so gonna be honest, it's been a while since I've read the book as well, but I tend to do most of my reading on Ebooks since that's what I've got available so when I remember certain quotations or areas of the story I can just use the search function to pull up the passages I look for, but in terms of beginning to end read throughs? It's been at least a couple years)

So, for starters, the Greens can't be "right wingers" or "Trump supporters" since they don't live in 21rst century America nor is the society that they live in analogous in any way shape or form to 21rst century American society, so the anti-Greens can jot that down and also learn what some words mean (there's a screed somewhere on my blog if you scroll through my "answered" tag on why the "women for Trump" thing wrt Alicent is stupid because of how that's a specific political movement in a very specific social context in a specific moment in time).

The thing is, when I constantly point out that Fire&Blood is a "history textbook" rather than a narrative, I'm not doing that for no reason. It is imperative to understand that the characters in Fire&Blood are not written to be characters in a novel, they are written to act as historical figures that we are reading about from an academic source, all discussed by people with their own agendas and compiled by another person centuries after the events described happened. Nothing in Fire&Blood can be ascertained as one hundred percent true or false save for previously recorded dates of birth and death and major historical events that had multiple witnesses (such as the main battles of the Conquest, or coronations/weddings/other ceremonies). People's thoughts and feelings aren't often written down unless they were being expressed externally, because that's how historical chronicles in a pre-mass literacy society operate in our world. Let me explain: I read a lot of historical texts. And because of my own interests, I've developed a tendency to gravitate towards historical figures who don't always have the best posthumous reputations and around whom there are a lot of "yes no maybe so" type of stories. I'll provide two examples, because this has a point.

Example one, Augustus. Very famous guy, incredibly influential, basically helped shape the Western world as we know it. Also had a lot written about him, not just contemporaneously but also well after he died. There's a story that was spread while Augustus was alive, that was written down by numerous Roman historians as a "well people said it happened so let's just include that they said it did just incase" type of story, that Augustus, who was Julius Caesar's great-nephew through his mother and from a relatively minor branch of the family, ingratiated himself to Caesar in order to become Caesar's primary heir in his will (that happening was a whole Thing) by having a sexual affair with him during a campaign in Hispania when Augustus was 17. However, while we're never going to know for certain, we can pretty confidently say that didn't happen because war camps were just a really inconvenient place to have affairs, for one, and for two, the people spreading this rumor were Mark Antony and his supporters, who had a vested interest at the time in painting Augustus as weak, sexually deviant, conniving, and unworthy fo what he had, due to the fact that he was Antony's primary political rival and was amassing power directly at Antony's expense (if you're wondering why I didn't include things like age or laws against incest in why this might not have happened, Augustus would have been a legal adult at the time and also the Romans didn't consider it incest if the sexual relation was between two people related matrilineally, because they were fucking weird). Another rumor about Augustus is one written down by Suetonius, a Roman historian, who was writing decades after the fact because Augustus had been dead for multiple years and his dynasty (the Julio-Claudians) had already died out by the time Suetonius was born. Suetonius writes that Augustus had an apparent predilection for cheating on his third wife, Livia Drusilla, and specifically with virgins. Again, while possible, it's likely also not true because Augustus was a notorious square personality-wise who also put in place several conservative family and marriage laws that he wanted followed so religiously that when his own daughter, his only child, broke them, he exiled her and permanently ended their relationship, and also Suetonius is notorious for literally just inventing shit and putting it in his works as objective fact.

Example two: Richard III. And I'm not reinventing the wheel by pointing out that a large part of Richard's bad rap after his death comes directly from the vested political interest his successor and his successor's family in painting their reign as legitimate, which would only be possible at the direct expense of Richard (and I am not here to rehash the Wars of the Roses for the five hundredth time, birthright monarchy is a scam and Henry VII won the fight fair and square and both men had good and bad qualities that make them enjoyable to read/learn about). One of the most famous ways that Richard's posthumous reputation was dragged through the mud is with the story that he was heinously deformed, which was a sign of his secret evil. Nowadays, we know for a fact that this isn't true because when his remains were discovered in Leicester, the only "deformity" that was discovered was a case of adolescent onset scoliosis that, while creating a severe S-curve in his spine, would only have manifested physically as one shoulder looking slightly higher than the other, easily disguised with clothing, and that otherwise he seems to have a fair looking dude. But even before we dug up His Majesty's Royal Parking Lot, we could generally figure out that Richard's "deformity" was either an outright fabrication or very slight. Contemporary chroniclers all agreed during Richard's lifetime that the only known physical abnormality was having one shoulder higher than the other, and John Rous, who was at Richard's court and no friendly to Richard considering he also wrote that the dude poisoned his wife (he did not) did note that, while he had a shoulder higher than the other, the difference was slight enough that he wasn't able to remember which shoulder was higher than rich. But once Richard was defeated at Bosworth in 1485 and Henry Tudor took the throne, the line that would ingratiate you to the new king and also show that you weren't a traitor was to point out that Richard sucked, with one of the first instances of "actually Richard was super uggo" happening in 1491 (already six years after Richard died) when a school teacher heard a defense of Richard and launched into a rant about how he was a "crookback" who deserved what he got. Then there was Thomas More, who was a friend to the Tudor royals and whose power at court relied on his proximity to the family and their love for him, who went further in describing Richard as outwardly ugly in order to have it reflect on the fact that he was ugly on the inside as well, even though More was the tender age of seven when Richard died and likely never saw him in person. And then, famously, Shakespeare, patroned by a Tudor and thus knowing that his monetary success came as a direct result of what made the Tudor dynasty happy, took all these biased sources presenting themselves as historical fact and wrote a play depicting Richard as the evil and most monstrously hideous man to have ever lived, and since Shakespeare is more famous than God and had such a huge affect on the English speaking world at large that no one could have ever predicted ("oh Shakespeare's not as famous/influential as-" gonna stop you right there, Shakespeare invented the word pickle, no one is more famous than that), that became stuck in the public consciousness as objective fact, in spite of the contemporary sources and the dodginess of the non-contemporary ones, until we got physical proof of what was true and what wasn't.

So what does that tell us? Historical sources can have biases due to the political machinations of the time, reputations and popular views often get distorted as the years go on and more contemporaries of the subject die, the pop culture understanding of a subject by the general populace can infect even "unbiased" historical compilations about someone, people lie about other people for the furtherances of their own agendas, and that things told after someone's death by non-contemporaneous writers need to be examined within the context of that person's known personality and habits and also that sometimes people are just liars for no other reason than the lolz. Historical texts in a pre-mass literacy society, while important, are not wholly unbiased sources, since the concept of "the biography" is only a couple centuries old (and I'm being generous). Historical texts can include things like political leanings dictating what's being written down, distortions in the hopes of gaining favors, social views that were the norm at the time but changed from then to the present, the inclusion of rumors without delving into whether they're valid or not, and sometimes authors just blatantly making shit up. That is the conceit under which Fire&Blood operates as a book. That, unless it's a birth, death, or major historical event, we simply cannot know anything as objectively true or false and need to take every single story with a grain of salt, and it's up to us as the readers to decide what's most likely based on consistencies in stories/characterization along with the objective known facts. Nothing about these people can be taken at complete face value and any stories told about them need to be closely examined even by us as readers who are aware that it's fictional.

So, with all that in mind.

Is Alicent described as religious in the book? Not explicitly, since not much of her personality was recorded and we actually know very little about her character. But it's safe to assume that she was religious to an extent, the Hightowers are from Oldtown and Oldtown was the current center of the Faith of Seven at the time since the Starry Sept was still the epicenter of that religion given that it only changed once Baelor built his Great Sept. And even beyond that, Westeros is a religious society, analogous to Middle Ages Europe, and religion played a significant part in every day life. So it's not out of the question that Alicent was religious, perhaps even more religious than the average Jeyne, but whether she was as religious as her show counterpart, and whether the motivations were the same (loneliness, desire for community amidst isolation, clinging to moral superiority when she feels she's a bad person for her wants and desire) is unknown.

Wasn't she more of Margaery-type character? Well, for one, book Margaery or show Margaery. The two Margaeys are incredibly different characters, almost to the point of not being the same character at all. Since Margaery is not a POV character in the books, and we only see her through the eyes of Sansa, Cersei, and briefly Tyrion, we don't really know what she's like. We know she's very intelligent, and we know that she possesses a shrewdness and cunning not unlike Olenna, as Sansa remarks, but Margaery is also very kind, very sweet and gentle, and tenderhearted to a certain extent, as well as the model of a proper young Westerosi (and also according to Cersei a vicious slut but Cersei's viewpoint of people is so distorted we can't rely on anything she says or thinks). Show Margaery is honestly just what Cersei thinks book Margaery is, as if D&D read Cersei's POVs for Margaery and took that at face value without remembering that Cersei has never had a correct observation about another person ever, except Robert. Show Margaery is also intelligent and cunning, but she's conniving and fiercely manipulative, incredibly power hungry and more sexually open than book Margaery. Is Alicent like either of those? Again, hard to say, we don't really know much about Alicent as a character other than that she held grudges, was ambitious for her kids, and loved her family with everything, tender and gentle with people who mattered like her children and grandchildren (given that they always came to have her say goodnight to them every night aaaaaaahhhhh) and was a somewhat unforgiving person, which she appeared to pass on to her two eldest sons. She doesn't really seem like either Margaery to me, especially in the fact that, while book Margaery might be putting up a sweet facade to hide true feelings and show Margaery absolutely does that, Alicent doesn't. She has no problem exhibiting what she really feels on full display without hiding anything, likely due to her power as queen consort (like her "do keep trying Ser Laenor" line, ugh cuntery at its finest). The main similarity between either Margaery and Alicent that I can think of is that they're both incredibly well loved by the commons.

Did Alicent have an affair with Viserys while Aemma was alive? No. Again, not something we can know for certain because "historical" but looking at it, no. There's no evidence that Viserys ever kept any mistresses in either of his marriages, Alicent doesn't get married as young as she is in the show but she's still eighteen and that's pretty young, the only way this would be marginally appropriate and allowed by Westerosi customs is if she were an official mistress, which she isn't ever described as, it doesn't line up with any of her following actions or how she's described later in her life, and also the only person who even hints at any sexual impropriety in Alicent's past in F&B is Mushroom, who is one of those aforementioned sources that lies just because they wanna lie and add things in for no reason (and also because GRRM likely wanted more sex stuff in the book than he'd have been able to do due to the constraints of the format he chose and added Mushroom in as this asshole ribald lil lying liar who lies in order to do that).

Were the Greens conservative and religious? For religion, please see answer number one, which is just: most likely religious, no way to know whether they were more or less religious than other Westerosi, particularly Westerosi Faith worshipers. For conservatism, pleas see the first full paragraph of this behemoth of an answer. The concept of conservatism has changed drastically over human history, and often has specific definitions and political affiliations based on which country you live in, and even if we mean American conservative, this is not an American based society with any American based values and it's practically impossible to try and attach those to people living in what amounts to Middle Ages England but with dragons and blood magic.

Were the Greens ambitious? Yes, they very much were ambitious. So is every other character in Fire&Blood. They're not more or less ambitious than any Westerosi family, it doesn't seem like that ambitious motivation was changed all that much in the show either, just certain characters are less so (most notably Alicent).

Wasn't Aegon the only genuinely religious one? Again, I return us to the first answer, which is that he likely was religious but there's no way to know whether he was more or less so than anyone else (unless you take a certain Mushroom story at face value which I do not because not even the guys compiling the in universe histories take Mushroom at face value). There's nothing written down about Aegon being particularly more devout than most people expect, since the majority of what's written about him on his own as a person is devoted to him during wartime, in which he isn't described as doing anything particularly religious since he's either fighting or convalescing. The only concrete thing we get is when he goes to the royal sept and subsequently dies, and there's no explanation given for why he wanted to go there (if you're like me, it's cuz you believe the suicide theory and are incorporating it into how you think the show should end so that you can then cry for ten thousand years about it). You can certainly believe that his experiences and what he suffered might have made him more open to devotion, that he turned to the gods in hope of comfort, but you could also make the argument that all his pain would have turned him against the gods, like Stannis's anti-Seven ideals being borne of how he refuses to worship any gods who would let him watch his parents die.

And lastly, never apologize for too many questions anon! For one, people make this confusing because between the source material and the changes and everyone taking this shit way too seriously, it can be tough to parse everything out. And for two, I love questions! I'm an incessant rambler and I get bored easily and unless people are being rude, I always love when people wanna chitchat with me about stuff <3

[naturesapphic]

Yk « l’amour de ma vie » by billie can u write a fanfic abt French yn flirting with Billie in French and that’s why the tittle of her song is l’amour de ma vie (bc yn always call billie that and her heart melts every time cuz she finds that really cute) and one of un interviewing billie in French (like the Lena situation interview but in French)

French Interview

Billie eilish x French!fem!reader

Warnings: fluff, cussing

Word count: 2,181 😭

A/n: I’m sorry if the translation got some of the words wrong I apologize I tried-

“Hey guys! Today vogue invited me over to interview a very special someone. Billie eilish aka my girlfriend!” I exclaimed as I did jazz hands over to my girlfriend Billie, who sat beside me. She looked over at me and giggled at my goofy jazz hands and face I was doing. “Hiiii everybody. I’m so glad to be back here.” Billie said softly as she waves to everyone and to the cameras.

You smiled big and explained to everyone that you will now be talking in French for most of the interview. “Alors Billie Eilish se blesse parfois ? Que diable?” (So Billie eilish does get hurt sometimes. What the hell?). Billie giggles and gives you a smile as she answers. “Right? It’s interesting to be a person who isn’t an outwardly sensitive complainer. A lot of moments on this album are about situations where I was like, ““I’d rather be tortured inside but have somebody think that I’m cool, than have somebody think that I’m hysterical and actually express my feelings.”” So many songs on this album reflect that realization of, like, “Maybe I’m obsessed with the idea of nonchalance.”” She says and you nod.

“oh ouais, c'est toi, c'est sûr bébé.” (Oh yeah, that’s you for sure baby.). You reply and Billie keeps going on with her answer. “I would rather suffer in silence than tell you something’s bothering me and have you think I’m sensitive.” She says and you roll your eyes playfully. “tu me rappelles un de mes ex-partenaire.” You said while eyeing her down. As soon as the translator translate what you said to her, she gives you a gentle shove that makes you laugh. “Quand nous nous sommes rencontrés pour la première fois, tu avais l'air d'avoir tout compris et tu étais plutôt fermé.” (when we first met, you seemed like you had it all together and kinda closed off).

Billie laughs and grabs one of your hands in hers as she answers. “I come off as a person that doesn’t care. I care about people and I have love and passion, but in relationships, I found myself never ever expressing any of my needs. It was interesting to notice I was doing that, and that’s what these lyrics are about. It’s almost like I resent myself for not advocating for myself, because maybe if I had, things would’ve changed. But I’ve always had an issue with weakness.” She said opening up more and more. “Well I’m glad you are getting better with expressing your needs towards me because you mean a lot to me bils.” You say as you look deep into her eyes. She smiles and waits for your next question.

“En pensant à “Skinny” qui entre dans “Lunch”, cela résume parfaitement l’ambiance du titre, car c’est un peu comme les refroidir puis les réchauffer.” (Thinking about “Skinny” going into “Lunch,” that sums up the vibe of the title perfectly, because it’s kind of like, cool them down and then heat them up.) “That was very purposeful. It’s hard and soft and hard and soft. There’s motifs and melodies that repeat and lyrics that call back to other songs. The songs morph into each other. It was purposeful to have “Skinny” do what it does, and then at the end you hear the drums for “Lunch.” And then “Lunch” comes in and slaps you in the face.” Billie replies and you nod along to her words.

“Vous vous demandez ce que les gens vont dire de la chanson “Lunch”?” (Are you wondering what people are going to say about the song “Lunch”?). “I’m pretty aware of what people will say. It’s so weird to grow up and change in front of the world. The craziest part is discovering things about myself and then suddenly, everyone else knows, and I don’t even have a second to think about how it makes me feel.” She confessed and you felt your heart break for her. “I can’t imagine what that must have felt like.” You say as you start rubbing her knuckles. “It was very frustrating but I wouldn’t have done it without you y/n so thank you love.” Billie said giving you a small but loving smile.

“Je me demandais, quand une de vos relations amoureuses se termine, pensez-vous la laisser avec mille questions ? Ou vous laissent-ils avec mille questions ? Ou est-ce partagé 50-50 ? Est-il plus dangereux de tomber amoureux de vous ? Ou est-il plus dangereux pour vous de tomber amoureux?” (I was wondering, when one of your romantic relationships ends, do you think you leave them with a thousand questions? Or do they leave you with a thousand questions? Or is it split 50-50? Is it more dangerous to fall in love with you? Or is it more dangerous for you to fall in love?) “I don’t even know. I think 50-50 is probably accurate. I literally hate who I am so much when I’m in love.” Billie replied and you let out a loud laugh that made her giggle at you.

“That’s one of the most masculine things you’ve said. Jeez Billie.” You giggle out and she smiles. “But don’t worry baby I love how I am when I’m in love with you.” She confessed and you felt your whole face heat up. “je t'aime, l'amour de ma vie.” (I love you, the love of my life). Billies face heat up and she leans over to give you a little kiss on your cheek. “I love you more angel.” She said. She didn’t even need the translator to tell her what you said because you always say I love you and that pet name to her in French. That’s why she named the song after that petname because she loves when you call her that a lot and it means a lot to her. Billie goes back on track and continues to answer your last question.

“I have a power issue and a control issue, and I also don’t like being vulnerable in a romantic way. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t know how many times I’ve really been in love. I think there’s different versions of love, and I think that you can be in love and it might not be deep. I’m not going to get too in detail, because I’m going to be rude, but I’ve never been dumped, and also, I’ve never been broken up with. I’ve only done the breaking up.” She confessed and you nod. “Yeah I’ve only done that a few times but I’ve mostly gotten broken up with.” You say and Billie nods. I think when people hear that, they’re like, “Oh, all you do is break hearts.” Sure, but that doesn’t mean that people are totally innocent. It means that I was like, “Oh, let me get the fuck out of here.” Or it means things just weren’t right.” Billie continued on.

“Now some of y’all about to be real mad at me, but I do believe that breaking up with someone versus being broken up with, obviously being broken up with hurts like hell, especially when you don’t see it coming and you wanted a future and it’s taken out of your hands. But honestly, the pain of knowing that you have to end something with somebody that you genuinely love is so horrible.” She confessed and you cocked your head to the side. “Really? I’m not sure if I completely agree but I will agree with how it does stay with you longer if you break up with somebody.” You say and Billie adds on. “I think so, too. And you don’t get to even have the, like, “I got dumped, so fuck you guys. I get to go crazy and have a reaction and be mad at you. And I get to make you into an enemy, because you broke up with me.” You can’t do that. You can’t become a victim.” She points out and you give a surprised look on your face.

“That’s actually very true. You don’t get to feel mad and shit. Wow I never thought of it like that.” You explained and Billie smiles. “Pour changer un peu de sujet, ce que vous dites me fait revenir sur vos premières musiques. Votre approche d’écriture n’est pas comme si elle se prêtait à l’hésitation. Il ne s’agit même pas de peindre quelque chose de sombre sur le plan sonore, mais c’est un peu bleu. En fait, tu utilises beaucoup le mot « bleu » dans cet album”. (To change the topic a bit, what you are saying is giving me flashbacks to your early music. Your writing approach is, it’s not like it lends itself to hesitancy. It’s not even painting something dark sonically, but it’s a little bit blue. You actually use the word “blue” a lot in this album).

“I love that you just pointed that out, and it’s making me think about how I don’t love to point fingers. Sometimes you want to, because you’re mad and you want people to feel for you and you want to feel seen. But I’m not going, “You did this to me.” It’s more, like, “We’re all allowed to feel however we feel based on whatever happened.” Also, it’s not about pointing my finger and blaming people: “And everybody, attack this person, because they hurt me.” It’s like, “I hurt me. And I have hurt me multiple times, and I allow other people to get to that point.” And that’s where I’m trying to draw the boundaries and protect my shadow.” Billie added on and you watched her in awe as she explains how she feels. “Comme il se doit. Et c’est parce que vous n’avez pas pointé du doigt que les gens vont se poser mille questions. Pour revenir au fait d'être toujours amoureux, les seules choses qui sont réelles sont les sentiments.” (As you should. And it’s because you didn’t point fingers that people will have a thousand questions. To go back to ever being in love, the only things that are real are feelings).

“I just had an experience the other day. I had some people over, and there was something happening that involved a lot of sensation and feeling and being in your body. And the person who is guiding me through this thing, I won’t even get into it, because it’s irrelevant to what I’m saying, there was this moment where they were talking about communication and saying, “Just remember to be aware of how you feel.” And I remember saying, “Oh, well, this is making me think of this, and I am feeling this.” I kept describing things. And he said to me, “I appreciate your psychoanalysis of what you’re feeling, but I don’t need you to analyze it. I just need you to feel it.” And that got to me. It made me think. It made me feel.” She explained and you felt your eyes tear up at her words. “I love that. It’s really the scariest thing of all. But for overthinkers, it can be a good practice to just feel and then move by those emotions. So yeah, we don’t need to end with a question, because I think the gift of being with you, whether you’re present or nonchalant or considering whether you’re being nonchalant in this moment, is that your instant impact on a room, even if you don’t say anything, makes people feel a lot. Even my band told me that. When you walked out, they were like, “Damn, she’s good. She makes you feel a lot.” And I was like, “Try sitting next to her when she’s looking into your eyes. It’s crazy.”” You say and Billie looks deep in your eyes as you talk.

“Eh bien, je n’ai plus de questions aujourd’hui mais l’amour de ma vie, j’adore ton album et toutes les chansons qu’il contient. Je suis incroyablement fier de toi et merci de m'avoir permis de t'aimer. Au revoir tout le monde ! Le flux m'a frappé fort et doucement!” (Well I don’t have any more questions today but the love of my life, I absolutely love your album and all of the songs on it. I’m so incredibly proud of you and thank you for letting me love you. Goodbye everyone! Stream hit me hard and soft). You waved bye to everyone and Billie was blowing kisses to the camera and the interview was done. Billie and you went back to y’all’s house and spent the rest of the day there in each others arms.

A/n: holy shit that was a lot. Over two thousand words omg. PLEASE REBLOG, COMMENT, LIKE, SHARE, ANYTHING PLEASE LMAO thank you anon for the request, I hope you love it and I hope the rest of y’all do too. Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all :)

[yanderehsr]

I've recently read most of your breaking up fics (or headcanons idk) and I love them!! I would like one with Furina and Eula if you wouldn't mind:)

Nooooo, poor Furina, why would you do this to her😭

Hope you'll enjoy😄

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping

Furina: Ever wondered if she cries, well wonder no further, she will bawl her eyes out, it starts out quiet, she will ask if she has done anything, if it was her fault, her questions will turn more and more hysterical as she repeats those same questions of WHY you are doing this, please don't leave her, she doesn't wanna be alone once again.

Furina will cling to you, she's doing anything to keep you from leaving, her eyes will dart around her own home, trying to find something, anything that can keep you here until she can return some common sense into you, this isn't what you want, someone else must be manipulating you, she refuses to believe that this is what you want.

She spots a rope and the rest is history

"I'm sorry, are the ropes too tight, I'll loosen them when you take back what you just said, so let me just ask you this... D-do you love me"

Eula: Her first reaction is anger, are you doing this because of her family name, has the people of Mondstadt finally gotten through your head and somehow convinced you that you aren't meant to be together, well too bad, you already promised yourself to her, no one, not even you will get in the way of the one thing she truly wants.

Eula will not respond with words, instead she grabs ahold of your face with one hand, the other snaking behind your head as she forces you into a kiss, there is no getting out of this and she wants you to know this. Should you tell Jean, well she isn't afraid, who would Jean believe, a random citizen or Eula who has worked with her for so long.

The answer is obvious, get used to being with Eula cuz you will be with her for a long long while

"PFFFT, Did you really think a I was going to allow that, honey you should choose your next words very carefully, don't anger me more than I already am"

[worlds-worst-ships]

Welcome to the home of the world's worst ships!

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Hello there, I'm Jack Goodwin and this absolute affront to the natural order that I call a blog is where I take a break from the insane content I normally make to bring you fictional pairings that'll make your heart go "aw man, what in the..."

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Are there two characters that absolutely should not be anywhere near each other, to the point where one should be getting a restraining order? Are there pairings in fiction that you couldn't be paid a quadrillion rubles to come up with on your own? Are you sick of all these picket-fence, vanilla pudding, ERENxMIKASA snoozefests that plague the internet? If so, you've come to the right place. Get your kissy-kissy lips on, find a slightly uncomfortable chair and LETS GET SHIPPING!!!

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You can say whatever you want here, so long as;

1. Its not discriminatory

Any sort of phobia/ism here is not welcome. This blog is for everyone, regardless of ethnicity, orientation or gender identity.

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These are cartoons. Works of fiction. They're not real. Please keep any deep-seated obsession with character's ethnicity, sexuality, age, background etc to yourself. Acting holier-than-thou and making that the subject of your personal issue with my posts doesn't make you a hero, nor is that the groundbreaking opinion you think it is, it just makes the jokes awkward and uncomfortable for many people here.

Aaaaanyways, now we've got that out of the way (and yes, I will add more rules as the need arises, don't test me)

I'll mostly be using the absolute maelstrom of doodoo I call a brain to come up with ideas, but if you'd like to submit some ideas of your own, feel free. Send it to my ASK box. Nothing illegal, past a certain point, please.

Oh, and the ask criteria/format is in the linked post below. (Anonymous asks are and will always be turned off, cuz I know that this site is full of pussies who can't talk shit on main)

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T READ THAT POST, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU WON'T: If you do not follow that exact format, I WILL DELETE YOUR ASKS ON SIGHT.

I REPEAT: I will not even CONSIDER posting them.

FUN FACT: After having this blog for multiple months with anonymous asks turned off, I haven't gotten a single hate message (other than that one kid who got made a fool out of). This is why they're off, in case you wondered.

Its also worth mentioning, some of you are new to the concept of comedy, so I'll write it nice and big for you (if you know what a crackship/joke is, then skip this paragraph): THIS IS A JOKE BLOG. A GIMMICK BLOG. A COMEDY BLOG. I DO NOT CARE EVEN SLIGHTLY ABOUT SHIPPING AS A CONCEPT MUCH LESS DO I EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT 9/10 OF THE CHARACTERS YOU'LL SEE HERE, SO IM JUST MAKING J O K E S. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, THEN YOU HAVE KNOWINGLY CHOSEN TO BE OFFENDED WHICH IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. THANK YOU :)

I REPEAT this is a CRACKSHIP BLOG, so if you're deeply hurt by any of my polls, just know that nothing here reflects me as a person because none of what I post is serious. If anything you see after reading that causes you any emotional distress, it IS NOT my fault. Its funny, but its not my fault.

[stuck1nthelimbo]

im so normal about them — 📌 post | masterlist | ko-fi

4 》(Nipple play) - Gagging - Hickey/biting marks ― Breakup High [Getou Suguru x f!reader]

When Satoru breaks up with his gf, who's supposed to console her other than his best friend, Suguru? And consoling includes more than reassuring words...

TAGS!!! 2.1k, no beta reader, gojo's ex sleeps with his bestie, unprotected/no condom sex, hickeys/bite marks, teasing, licking cum, slight nipple/breast play, pussy drunk suguru lol

pookie, desperate suguru??? who wanted satoru's gf??? since the moment they met??? these two posts are giving me desperate vibes

It’s been a week since he broke up with me, and instead of feeling heartbroken, I can’t believe he had the guts to do so. This ego of mine couldn’t handle being humbled by the man, who asked me out first. After the breakup, to my surprise, the person who lent me a helping hand was none other than Gojo Satoru’s best friend, Suguru Geto. I woke up to a text the following day with consoling words and an offer to hang out with me to keep me company and my mind — occupied. I took midnight walks with Suguru, divulging my worries to him. After a meeting or two, he confessed to having a teeny tiny crush on me since meeting me through Gojo. I wondered how many times he had jerked off to the thought of me.

“Still can’t wrap my head around it,” I scoff, crossing arms over my chest, one leg over the other, and lean back in a chair while a raven-haired male brews coffee in the kitchen. He doesn’t turn around, merely throws a glance over the shoulder. Tied-up hair subtly bounces around, the bangs dangling about.

“Come on, don’t look into it too much,” he doesn’t sound reassuring, just annoyed with the repeating topic. I’m preoccupied studying his back, he hums some lullaby. The outline of his broad shoulders is visible through the plain white shirt; He has awful timing in choosing gray sweatpants. Or if we take into account that he was expecting me to show up at his flat, he is perfectly aware of how to create a ‘comforting environment’ for a person with a broken heart.

“He broke up with me and still cannot leave me alone. We hang out so much,” Geto thinks he can click his tongue without me noticing. As he turns around, I spot the paper-thin line his lips have formed.

“You guys still hang out?” he huffs.

“Remember when I was texting you the other night?” I refer to the event a few nights ago. He gently places the cups filled with piping hot coffee on the table and raises an eyebrow in anticipation of an answer. “I went to his place, we drank,” I hesitate to mention the affair that took place, “and then had sex. I texted you while he was asleep beside me,” the change in his facial expressions is apparent: the soft gaze turns into a mean glare in a split second. He clutches the cup handle between his thumb and index fingers.

“Don’t you have any self-respect?” He sneers before bringing the coffee cup to his lips.

“Why? Cuz I sleep with my ex?”

“Exactly,” he leans forward, hissing through his teeth as if we’re surrounded by people in his empty apartment. “You’re sleeping with a man who broke up with you, still clinging to him,” I have my reasons, “Any man would gladly sleep with you.” In response to his indignant comments, I also lean, keeping my face a centimetre from his.

“I’m not clinging to him, just looking for a replacement,” I sip my coffee, basking in its deliciousness until I notice the glassy stare Suguru’s giving me. Head hanging low, he observes me from under the furrowed brows. I think he’s mindlessly upset with me until the contrast between his large cold palm and my warm thigh snaps me out. Those long fingers bluntly dig into my supple flesh. He has never been this bold.

“And I said, any man would eagerly take Satoru’s place, ok?” alluding to the availability in the middle of the conversation, the sheer confidence in his moves prowls a shiver up my spine, “You don’t need to beg…”

“Who would take his place?” the tension in the room can be cut with a knife. His mouth noticeably agape, his eyes hungrily wander all over me, making my skin tingle with excitement. Their final stop is around my lips. Before he’s finished daydreaming, I grab his face, squeezing cheeks and leveling his eyes with mine, “who?”

“Oh, you know damn well,” he mutters through puckered lips; My heart drums in my chest when his eyes scurry across my face, his lips pouting stronger as I grasp his face. My unoccupied hand lingers around his stiffened shoulder, sensing the muscles gradually strain under the path of my fingertips.

His jet-black eyes stare unfocused, stunned, as both arms envelop my waist, open palms firmly press on the back, pushing me onto his lap. Geto’s hot breath spills all over my jaw, goosebumps prickle it, and his coffee-stained lips skim along the skin. The caution in his moves thins out my patience.

“I can fuck your brains out better than him,” he mumbles against my ear, securely holding me against his lap and shoving the pants-straining erection onto me. How long did he wait for this opportunity? A large hand swats my ass, I wince at the sensation and glance over the shoulder; His digits dig into the flesh, gliding under the fabric of my shorts, until the tip of his middle finger brushes against the underwear. I hold my breath, shifting attention to the hand that eagerly kneads my pliable ass cheeks.

“Geto,” I fake a protest, attempting to distance myself from him, but his arms bind tighter around me; He groans at the sound of his last name: I make it sound so formal, meanwhile my hips instinctively roll on his lap with legs spread apart.

“Don’t call me that,” he objects with a weak pout. I lean back as far as possible, hold his face between my hands, and goad him.

“Suguru,” I've never referred to him by his first name; His eyes luster, one hand sinks further into the supple flesh of my ass, the other sidles through my hair and forces me into a greedy kiss. His tongue slithers into my mouth, lapping against mine. Steamy fog clouds my judgment, dissipating the remaining scraps of thoughts as I cling to him, throwing arms over his shoulder and linking fingers behind Suguru’s head. He breaks the kiss, short-winded, lips glistening with thin threads of saliva.

“Say that again,” his eyes glued to my lips, he babbles. I repeat, enunciating each syllable of his name. He leaps to his feet and hurries to the bedroom, I lock my legs around his waist, preventing myself from slipping off of him. Blindly swinging open the bedroom door with an open hand, his mouth feasts on my neck with vehement hunger, scattering violet blotches across my shoulders and throat.

I ease the locked legs behind him, slump back onto the bed, and throw arms in the air, awaiting him.

He crawls on top, messily yanking clothes off of me, tossing them on the floor. Grabbing the neck of the white shirt, Geto pulls it over his head, before he closes the distance between us: planting light kisses around my lips, he decides to move down, softly tracing down the jawline, neck, and chest. His teeth tug on the perky nipple, drawing whimpers from me. Suguru’s breath on the damp skin electrifies my body.

“Fuck, I wanted to do this for a long time,” he speaks under his breath, in hopes that I won't hear it. His hands fumble with my shorts, jerking them off my knees. Suguru’s lips return to adorn my skin with pecks under the navel, while his fingers hesitate to remove the underwear. The digits circle the clit through the flimsy fabric, driving me mad. The pressure’s just right, but the rhythm’s off, making me arch my back.

“Suguru, please,” it doesn’t take me long to whine, I’m impatient, and he snickers against my stomach; His hand reaches for the condoms on the nightstand, and instantaneously I smack it away. He has an unopened box of condoms, so either he has been expecting me to give in or– “It’s fine, just do it,” I croak. My fingers slip between the waistband and his flushed skin, stretching the sweatpants down, followed by his erection springing out: for someone who seems timid and bashful, the girthy cock clashes with his rosy-cheeked face and eagerness.

“Are you sure?” Suguru’s voice wavers, his digits hooking on my underwear, until I slide it to the side without pulling them off, exposing my dripping slit. His ears redden, and the embarrassment seeps into my shoulders when he stares at my nude figure, savoring the sight. I gasp, hold my breath, as the head of his cock nudges against the entrance and feel my inner walls stretch to accommodate him. He’s painstakingly slow, relishing the sensation of a cunt fluttering around him. Suguru’s mouth agape, half-lidded eyes stare into mine, he repeatedly mutters the word ‘fuck’ and I feel some sort of accomplishment. The moment he bottoms out, his groin pressing against me, his head buries in the crook of my neck, “God, I've dreamt about this,” the words slip through his rugged breathing.

With lazy slams, Geto rolls hips, his fingering holding on my thighs for their dear life; My brain decides to shut down: I lay head back into the pillow, close my eyes and fully immerse myself in heavenly passion. Those strong hands hold my hips still, as he shoves his full length inside me, before entirely sliding out and repeating several times. My cunt spasms on Suguru’s cock, I feel the veins running along his manhood throb against my walls, scraping the remaining sanity out of me.

“Fuck, faster,” I beg; He’s here to torture me and atone for my mistakes; Peeking under the lashes, I witness his pathetic expression, furrowed brows, clenched jaw, air whistling through the teeth while his eyes affixed on the spot where we’re connected.

“You’re so fuckin’ good, baby,” the words spill out of him piece by piece, scattering as he rolls his hips vigorously, hands clasped to my sides tighten, gradually bruising the skin underneath the digits; Geto’s arms flex, burly muscles clearly protrude; He rams his cock in me, the sound of damp skins smacking against each other echoes in the room. He leans forward, latching his lips around the perky nipple, sucking it like his livelyhood depends on it. My cunt clings to his cock, and with each thrust, he loses the composure: front teeth gently tug on the nipple, afterwards, he feverishly nibbles on the flesh around it, creeping up til those canine teeth sink into my neck. His hips don’t let up, rutting into my without a trace of coherence.

The rougher he gets, the quicker the ecstatic pleasure builds in the pit of my stomach; Within a minute or two, my finger desperately circles my clit, and the coil of orgasm unravels under the navel, washes throughout every fiber of my being. I attempt to cover my mouth and stifle my moans, but he swats it off, instead his hand holds my jaw, and his lips lock with mine. I helplessly mewl against his tongue.

Geto’s legs jitter, he frenziedly pulls out, to my disappointment, and with a few eager pumps, his palm squeezes the base as the ropes of white creamy fluid shoot on my body. He hoarsely pants, low whimpers sneaking in between the deep wheezes. My legs still tremble from the aftershock.

Spent, Suguru slumps at my side, his arm rests over his forehead, nostrils flare as he regains steady breathing. I prop myself on elbows, line index finger on my stomach, scooping the milky substance on, and smearing it on my tongue.

“What a waste,” the eyes that have been glued to me, widen in shock; The laugh reverberates from his throat.

“Fuck, don’t do that, I’ll get hard again,” Suguru pulls himself up and off bed, tiptoeing to the nightstand on the other side. He hands me a couple of wet napkins, and with one in hand, glides it on my skin. As he’s eagerly cleaning up the hot mess he has created, my eyes burn holes on his face, delighted by the sight. Sculpted jawline, rose-tinted lips, silky black hair curtaining the pale face. Hand reaches under his chin, but the doorbell at the door snatches his beauty away from my fingers.

“You get the door, I’ll clean up,” I insist, crumpling the napkin.

A slim hand turns the doorknob, and to his surprise, the white-haired male grins from ear to ear. Without an invitation, the guest barges inside, leaving the host to hang open his mouth in silent response.

“Did I interrupt anything?” his long finger points at raven haired’s blotched neck with a vile grin. But before long, a smile fades from his face, he turns the head frantically and sniffs around, “the perfume,” his eyes bounce from the kitchen to the bedroom door.

“Satoru,” Geto’s voice breaks, lodges in his throat as Gojo swings the door wide open, only to be left with the sight of me, fully nude, prancing in front of the mirror, neck adorned with Suguru's desperation.

“Suguru…”

© stuck1nthelimbo; do not redistribute, repost, modify, or use in any way, form, and/or shape. re-translation by asking for permission first.

[arandomperson5647]

Encanto info from Jared Bush's Q&As

This is a little place where you can find (hopefully) a lot of info Jared has said in his Q&As. This is if you wanna check smth and don't wanna go on a hunt to confirm it since it's been so long. Idk if I got everything, I highly doubt I did, so if you have a piece of info I don't have and have a link to it, I can edit it on. Ngl I'm also kinda doing this for myself cuz I was curious to know everything he's told us. I'll mostly summarize the answer so it isn't longer than it needs to be, but I'll also copy+paste if I'm too lazy.

The info here kinda varies from interesting, to obvious stuff, to potentially pointless but really any of it can be used to do whatever.

Some of the answers he provided aren't concrete solid ("I think __ would happen", "I always thought ___", etc), so take this all with a grain of salt. I'll try to phrase the uncertain ones differently so you know they're not 100% (probably, possibly, might, etc). If the answer he gives is completely up to interpretation, then I won't include it. Some might be repeated cuz I don't feel like looking back to see if he answered the same question twice.

Just to warn you guys before you click "keep reading", this is a LONG post, so if you don't want it fill up your page, don't click it unless you really wanna read everything.

Antonio's Birthday Q&A #2 (5/21/23)

Canon universe:

Dolores never truly believed Bruno was still around. She heard stuff, but everyone told her he was gone, so she thought she was imagining things. "I knew he never left" was her way of saying "I shouldn't have doubted myself."

Antonio was a shy kid and animals are were easier for him to make friends with.

The potteries in Bruno's room were because it was fairly public for people who want visions, so they're probably a nod to that.

When Pedro went to the attackers when he died, he was planning to reason with them.

Luisa's associated with donkeys because they’re beasts of burden and that’s how everyone treated her.

Mirabel has her embroidery because she loves her family, but potentially also because she subconsciously want to make sure the villagers know despite having no gift she is every bit a Madrigal.

Isabela might potentially secretly like Pepa's chaos.

Julieta's really good at hiding her feelings about the pressure of being the town's healer, but she's also a naturally strong person.

There's a reason why Bruno's single but Jared didn't tell us.

Bruno's favorite food is Ajiaco, but potentially also big butt ants.

Julieta probably noticed Mirabel wasn't in the pic at Antonio's ceremony immediately after it was taken, but Mirabel had already left by then.

For a while, Bruno's limit for future seeing was until the fall of Castia, but now it's limitless.

Alma didn't necessarily approve of Agustín at first because he wasn't overly spectacular or confident.

Mirabel and Camilo got along well when they were young, but after Mirabel's ceremony, Camilo felt more pressure to perform and show off.

Even before his gift, Bruno probably worried and wondered about the future, which is what caused his gift.

The Madrigals mostly assumed Bruno had somehow left the Encanto after his disappearance.

The birth of the miracle happened near the turn of the 20th century, and Antonio's ceremony was 50 years later.

The 5th birthdays for the Madrigals is the big one. The others are "regular".

Camilo often annoys Isabela for fun and also because he's a bit envious of her. They're kinda opposite, perfect vs a clown.

The post-movie relationship between Mirabel and Isabela is probably mischevious.

Bruno probably already was breaking from pressure when Isabela was only in single digits.

Alma was loving to all her grandchildren, but sometimes it felt conditional due to her expectations. She wasn't self-aware enough to realize.

Félix can play the tiple, but not shown in the film.

Agustín and Félix probably wore their respective colors before marrying their respective wives. Their colors are also a nod to regionality.

Alma might've seen cracks before Mirabel saw them at Antonio's ceremony (not at the moment tho), giving her a reason to actually believe Mirabel and pray to Pedro.

Based off the book "Mystery in the Rainforest", Dolores and Mariano are engaged and planning a wedding soon.

There is a school in the Encanto, but since it's closed off and was formed in the beginning of the 20th century, new info would cease.

Pedro might've been the one to know sewing and embroidery. He taught it to Alma, who taught Julieta and Mirabel. She probably taught others but Mirabel did it the most.

Bruno's door might've started glowing again during his vision in Antonio's room because Mirabel is making him feel included in the family (and therefore Casita) again.

The Madrigals do have friends groups, just not shown.

Camilo's gift can be tiring. Like an actor playing their part.

Mirabel probably would've had a negative or even traumatic impact from the fall of Castia, mostly due to a near death experience.

The Madrigals have never tested their gifts beyond the Encanto, so it's still a mystery on what happens.

Antonio probably can talk to animals from different countries, not just Colombia.

Camilo sometimes tries to impress everyone with his gift.

Mirabel's birthday became "stressful" ever since her 5th.

Isabela would probably help Antonio decorate his room with crazy plants.

Behind the scenes:

5/21 is Afro-Colombian Day, which is why that's Antonio's bday.

There used to be a deleted scene of Mirabel getting grounded by Casita.

The Guzmans originally had the same number of family members as the Madrigals, and each member was like a doppelgänger of each gifted Madrigal child, except Mirabel, who was represented in the Guzman family by a goat.

There used to be a scene where Camilo's gift goes haywire at night or smth (can't figure out the full pic for this one).

Writers considered early on that Mirabel would want to leave, but they decided that from a character and cultural perspective, leaving her family would have been the absolute worst thing she could imagine.

It's never been established how long the ceremony doors appear before the ceremony, but 9 months has been considered.

Early versions would show that Alma had strict parents. It may or may not be true now, but it would make sense.

Mirabel used to have a gap in her teeth to show her quirkiness, but was removed because they wanted to show it in other ways.

Encanto Disney+ Hollywood Bowl Q&A (12/28/22)

Cannon universe:

Emotions can sometimes affect Bruno's visions.

Camilo often helped take care of babies even before Antonio's birth. He was just naturally good with them.

The stairs in Bruno's room probably grew as he became more distanced, so they probably lessened when Casita came back.

Luisa's favorite sister is probably Mirabel.

Camilo would probably sometimes be happy that Isabela found her true self, while also a bit jealous. It depends on the moment.

The Madrigals' reaction to someone entering the Encanto would probably be chaotic.

As a way to protect them, Alma was always a little strict on her family.

Julieta and Agustín often worried how Mirabel was doing, especially for Antonio's ceremony.

Alma tried to show she loved Mirabel in her own way after her ceremony and before the movie.

Camilo's experience being the only boy in the house for a while was...interesting. Not the easiest.

Pepa and Dolores' gifts have caused some difficulties between the two.

Especially post-movie, Bruno, Agustín and Félix would be a ridiculous trio.

The candle is now gone, but a new miracle took its place.

Félix and Mirabel have a good relationship, especially post-movie.

Isabela's 5th birthday was the first gift ceremony for the grandchildren.

Bruno was probably superstitious before moving in the walls.

Before the house fell, Alma probably wouldn't like Dolores marrying Mariano. After, she'd accept it.

The other Madrigals might have hidden potential in their gifts, much like Isabela did.

The townspeople mostly either put the Madrigals on a high pedestal or see them as equals.

Isa probably had at least one flower she'd intentionally give Mirabel allergies with.

Bruno was probably a bit popular at one point.

Adopted Madrigal kids that were 6+ would probably still get a gift.

Mirabel's near-sighted.

Camilo's probably gotten in trouble for his disguises at times.

Bruno's mostly a rat guy because he's around them the most.

Pepa has a sweet tooth but doesn't let her self have too much due to her weather.

Isabela can grow trees and crops.

There's no definite reason why Isa was the favorite grandchild, but being the eldest didn't help.

When Alma said "the magic is strong, and so are the drinks", she was really trying to get everyone back to the party.

The gifts can tire out the Madrigals if used a lot, sometimes physical pain can occur.

Alma might have siblings, but it's not confirmed.

Behind the scenes:

There used to be a scene of Mirabel getting grounded. Idk if it's the same scene as the previous one mentioned, but the context of the question might suggest otherwise. ("What would've happened to Mirabel if she was found after the dinner?")

There were versions in the end credits of everyone reuniting with Bruno.

There is potential for a Madrigal with OCD, autism, etc, but not yet confirmed.

Triplet's Birthday Q&A (8/17/23)

Cannon universe:

Bruno and the grandkids now watch telenovelas together.

Julieta's favorite food is probably ajiaco.

Mirabel's first word would potentially be "sita" because she loved Casita but couldn't say the full word.

Dolores' room has a lot of soundproofing.

The reason Mirabel seems to interact with Castia the most out of the Madrigals is because she was mostly an outsider, with only Casita to talk to.

Encanto is a hidden place, so simply finding it is near impossible.

There are respected town elders in Encanto, but Alma is considered the founder.

Pedro said something to Alma before he died, potentially in Spanish, but it's not confirmed what.

In terms of personality, Mirabel is the closest to Pedro.

For adoptive kids, Casita may be able to anticipate the arrival of someone new even before the family is consciously aware of it, giving them a new door.

Bruno's a fan of chocolate.

Mirabel loves every color. She has no known favorite.

Julieta got married first between her and Pepa.

Bruno's rats aren't sentient like humans, so Bruno would have to train them to do whatever.

It's possible another Madrigal felt resentment towards Bruno after he left.

Julieta's gift possibly only works with a combo of cooking and giving, but not confirmed.

Bruno learned how to use his gift through practice and invented customs. It was complicated.

Julieta probably needs to know the person's injury before healing it.

The majority of the Madrigals' dominate hands are right. Julieta and Antonio are left handed. Luisa is ambidextrous. It's unsure, but Mirabel is potentially left handed.

Mirabel's favorite food is arepa con queso.

Antonio's favorite snack is nailed rice.

Agustín and Félix have jobs in the town, but not confirmed what.

In a book, it was mentioned that Bruno was the golden child of the family. He probably fell from that position in his late teens.

Agustín's favorite meal from Julieta is chocolate santafereño.

Gifts can possibly be repeated, but not in the same generation.

The refugees/townspeople had brought everything from home they used to start farming when the Encanto formed.

Isabela and Mariano still have a good relationship after the movie. Neither were too wild about the engagement.

The bedrooms can change if their owner wants them to.

The gift ceremonies will now be different without a candle.

Madrigals still do the traditional quinceañera.

The Encanto doesn't have electricity.

Bruno has left the walls a few times for a break.

Isabela will probably keep switching up her outfit now that she can.

Luisa has always felt protective of Mirabel.

Behind the scenes:

Casita used to have shown that it has only 1 bathroom, which was located in the back right corner under Bruno's tower.

There was a deleted scene where Julieta yelled at Alma in front of the entire town after Mirabel went missing.

Julieta is the one singing w/ Mirabel during the "constellations glow/the seasons change in turn" lyric.

There used to be a version of Bruno using water with his vision.

The line said by Mirabel, "Even in our darkest moments there's light where you least expect it" was cut after Lin Manuel Miranda wrote Dos Oruguitas and the emotional thrust of Mirabel’s words needed to evolve to encompass what she’d just learned.

There was a Waiting on a Miracle reprise that was cut because they felt they didn't need it.

The concept of a new door appearing was considered to start with the doorknob.

No one intervened during Alma and Mirabel's argument because the writers felt that it was Mirabel's moment to shine.

VERY early on, Bruno (then known as Oscar) was Mirabel's estranged cousin.

Indestructibility was a gift they wanted to use. It was actually Pepa's original gift.

Dolores' Birthday Q&A (8/31/22)

Cannon universe:

People in Isabela's position wouldn't really have the chance to have authentic relationships because they're hiding their true self. This could potentially apply to Isa herself.

Before Mirabel's ceremony, her family was excited for her. After, the family’s ability to see Mirabel clearly was too obscured by their unhealthy dynamics but were probably unaware of that until Mirabel brought it to light.

Bruno's oversized clothing was by personal preference, potentially because of his awkward nature.

Before Isabela showed up in Bruno's vision, another person was there, who is possibly a young Alma. While not confirmed, it is implied in Jared's answer.

Félix and Agustín already had gifts, just not in a way that others could see.

Isabela lets herself break the rules, so while not confirmed, it's possible she could recreate mythical plants.

The town probably functions like a combination of where everyone came from.

The triplets used to have little meetings in Bruno's room when they were little.

Behind the scenes:

There used to be a scene where Bruno revealed he had a secret elevator in his room.

Agustín's Birthday Q&A (6/19/22)

Cannon universe:

Part of what fuels the miracle is unconditional love. When Mirabel and Isa showed that during What Else can I Do?, it affected the magic.

Julieta often gives people the food they like rather than something random.

For a long time, Isabela was the favorite grandchild for Alma. Before her ceremony, Mirabel was. After Casita's rebuild, many dynamics changed.

Agustín was born in the Encanto, but his family was from a city, so he was raised with the city-vibe.

Luisa's favorite food is bandeja paisa.

Every gift can be affected by emotions in some way.

Casita probably helped Bruno hide, but not confirmed.

If Mirabel and Bruno decided to leave the Encanto after Casita fell, the entire family would've fallen apart.

The only people in the Encanto were the ones who traveled with Alma. They all got there at the same time, no one got in or out.

Behind the scenes:

There used to be an exit for Bruno's wall room behind the family tree, but it wasn't used.

Antonio's Birthday Q&A (5/21/22)

Cannon universe:

Mirabel's canonically 5'2.

Mirabel has good relationships with Pepa and Félix. Félix loves everyone and likes hanging out with pretty much anybody. Pepa is a good tia, she’s just very emotional, but for most of the movie (and her life before) felt she had to bottle her emotions which only made them worse.

Bruno probably doesn't need the sand for visions, but as time went on he added his own superstitions.

The color of the magic in the end changed. It wasn't the color of the candle anymore, but the colors of Mirabel. What that means? No one knows.

Bruno "felt" his vision cave collapsing and investigated. That's how he knew it was destroyed.

Camilo couldn't really hold a form forever because of how tiring it could be.

Mirabel did have a quinceañera.

Casita has a mind of its own with its own emotions. Sometimes it could play pranks on the Madrigals or be too upset to move anything.

Behind the scenes:

Earlier versions had a negative dynamic between Mirabel and Camilo.

The gifts are based off family archetypes. Antonio is a shy kid but opens up to animals.

Random Q&A (3/19/22)

Cannon universe:

The main reason for Mirabel and Isa's falling out was because they couldn’t see the difficulties the other was experiencing, because they were fixated on their own struggles. They were probably closer when they were younger.

Despite being shy, Antonio does have friends in the town.

Due to the triplets' bday being the same day as Pedro's death, it's a mixed day.

Pepa can try to stop natural disasters, but doesn't usually succeed.

Mirabel would sometimes have sleepovers with her sisters when they were younger. There was a deleted scene showing it.

The pink cloud scene in Surface Pressure represents the stuff Luisa wanted to do without the pressure.

Behind the scenes:

Tbh there wasn't any answers that could qualify as behind the scenes sooo... 🤷

Stuff that didn't come from Q&As but is still good info

Madrigal Birthdays (I'm not doing a link for each, just take my word for it lol):

Félix: November 11 (11/11)

Julieta, Pepa, Bruno: October 17 (10/17)

Agustín: June 19 (6/19)

Isabela: August 7 (8/7)

Dolores: August 31 (8/31)

Luisa: November 14 (11/14)

Camilo: December 28 (12/28)

Mirabel: March 6 (3/6)

Antonio: May 21 (5/21)

Madrigal ages:

Alma: 75

Julieta, Pepa, Bruno: 50

Isabela: 21

Dolores: 21

Luisa: 19

Camilo: 15

Mirabel: 15

Antonio: 5

I don't believe the husbands' ages are confirmed, but Félix is confirmed to be a little older than the triplets, while Agustín is a little younger than the triplets.

Julieta is the oldest of the triplets, Pepa in the middle, and Bruno is the baby.

[collidescopeeyes]

Hi !! Any chance that you're going to write about sett or kayn? Just wondering ehehe, I love your fics so much and I always read them time to time. It fills that void in my heart ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

I have an Order of Shadows (Zed and Kayn/Rhaast) harem fic I've been chipping away at! Unfortunately my mental and physical health has been pretty rock bottom the last few months so I haven't been up to writing much. As for Sett, I had a vague idea for a Roulette Wheel chapter where Iso becomes a pit fighter at his establishment while also unwittingly moving in with his mom, leading to Hijinks, but alas it stayed 90% an idea. Please enjoy this random out of context scene from the 10% however

“You're living with my mom?” He hisses as soon as the door shuts, and it is indeed a hiss; there's some animalistic noise rattling in his chest while he speaks that makes it difficult to be sure which word in that sentence he's actually stressing. Maybe all of them.

You shrug so hard your shoulders go up to your ears, equally agitated. “How was I supposed to know?! This was before I even fucking met you!”

He gestures harshly to his ears, then back towards the door to the dining room, pinning you with a wildly incredulous look. “We're the only two Ottari Vastaya in this entire city, you didn't think?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to know that?” You demand. “Why would I assume everyone I meet with fucking animal ears is related!? They could've been fucking…fox ears, or wolves, or something, I don't know, and I'm not going to assume because I'm not about to be some sort of cat-boy racist!”

He squints at you. “Cat boy?” He repeats.

“Cat man, whatever,” you wave a hand at him.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “That's not–whatever, not the issue. You can't tell her. About any of it. You, me, the pit, anything, y’hear me?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Are you asking me to lie to her?”

“I'm telling you to lie to her, as your fucking boss,” he snaps. "It'll break her heart if she finds out."

“Maybe you shouldn't be in a profession that would break her heart in the first place,” you shoot back, scowling.

His lip curls. “Hey, fuck you. What other option do I got, trying to make a decent living for the both of us in this fucking town? You think I haven't been down that road, huh? Who's going to hire a beast-blooded bastard?”

You regret your words immediately. “I didn't mean…I'm sorry, that was a shitty thing for me to say.”

He deflates in turn. “I…fuck.” He turns away, raking a hand through his hair. “Honestly, you're not wrong. She deserves better than being lied to, but I just…I don't feel like I've got much of a choice, y'know? If she knew where the money came from she wouldn't take it, and I ain't going back to watching her kill herself on shit jobs for shit people. Did enough of that growing up,” he says with a scowl.

You sigh. “Sett, I’m historically pretty fucking bad at keeping secrets,” you inform him. “Literally, the only secret I've managed to keep came with a magic shock collar.”

His face scrunches in the way it does when he's not sure if he wants to ask what the fuck you're talking about. “What?”

You wave a dismissive hand at him. “If I talk about a certain point in my life I start…well I can't say what happens, but…y'know what happened to Junbei?”

He blinks. “The bouncer who got glassed? Or the guy who got a razor slipped into his food cuz he was fucking around on his wife?”

You nod. “Yes. Anyway, it's a whole thing, it's not really important.”

“That seems pretty important,” he argues, face scrunch intensifying.

“Anyway, we need to get our stories straight,” you say, blatantly changing the subject. “I've been pretty vague about my work, so I don't think there should be any contradictions, except–” you pause, staring off into space. Then you cringe.

“What? Iso, what?” He asks, alarmed.

You cover your face, groaning. How the fuck are you supposed to explain that she's been trying to set you up with her son? How the fuck were you going to explain that you dodged said set up by telling her you were interested in your cocksure boss, who is apparently also her son? You'd have to leave the country. You'd have to throw yourself into the nearest Void Rift and hope to whatever God had jurisdiction that you didn't fucking embarrass yourself in whatever universe you got spat into next. “Nevermind, don't worry about it.”

“Iso…” he says warningly. You ignore him and go back into the dining room.

[britcision]

Alright, not a lot for you this WIP Wednesday, I have been doing a lot of spring cleaning! But here you go, just a lil Jason getting out there to keep an eye on his family

Featuring Harper Row for the first actual time, cuz she’s great and she deserves to be here!

First part of chapter 13, the rest is, as always, in the tags. Title is subject to change

———————

Hello Crime Lord My Old Friend

About twenty minutes after dropping Danny off at his dorm, Jason was suited up and ready to go.

Well, he’d stayed outside until he’d seen Danny shut the door behind him first. Jason had some fucking manners, though if pressed he couldn’t name who’d taught him them.

Danny’s dorm was about fifteen minutes from one of Jason’s better safe houses, as it happened. Jason had never been to a dorm, but from Danny’s stories?

A step below Teen Titans’ bunks, and those had sucked. Less privacy, smaller rooms, and more people? Who weren’t even part of the same team?

Maybe next semester Jason could offer to let Danny move in. He didn’t need need the safe house.

Red Hood could always buy the building. There were other apartments and while they weren’t luxurious, they beat half his other spots. The neighbourhood wasn’t bad either.

It’d be nice to pay Danny back a bit. Not have him closer. Just. Repay some of the debt by giving him a place to stay, rent free.

And maybe, just a little bit, the part of Jason that enjoyed the romanticism of his period novels kinda liked the idea. An estate for the king on your lands was a big deal back then.

A slightly more modern part of him thought being a landlord for his ruler would also be pretty funny. He figured Danny would enjoy that side too.

And it wasn’t like the guy could complain, since he’d literally given Jason back himself. Yeah, Jason was gonna pull that one out if Danny tried any familiar “oh I can’t accept this” on him.

Fixing his core was pretty damn god level on the favours spectrum. Jason could do whatever the hell he liked and Danny would just have to deal with it.

It cheered him up a little more, kept him in a good mood on the ride back to his safe house. It was more time where he couldn’t help Cass, but seriously?

Danny could change in a matter of seconds and be at her side not much slower. Walls, cars, goons, Jason had this feeling that none of it would slow Danny down.

And yeah, knowing that helped, but there was still a piece of him that only unknotted as he slid his helmet on and headed to the window.

“Hey, Black Bat. Busy?” He asked as the comms switched from earpiece to helmet display.

Of course he wore both. People kept trying to steal his damn helmet. That was also what the internal explosives were for.

The others all piped up when they heard him, Harper and Steph calling cheerful greetings around an ongoing conversation.

“Shit, Hood’s in, this mean I can go back to bed?” Bluebird teased. Spoiler cut her off immediately.

“Hell no, it can’t be a school night, Robin’s here! Great timing though Hood, we’re planning Red Robin’s eulogy and you have some experience there,” Spoiler chirped brightly, and Jason hesitated.

Sucked in a breath. He wasn’t gonna judge anyone else’s coping mechanisms until they got past “heads in a bag” levels.

Best to ignore it, since she wasn’t actually trying to set him off.

What the hell had Tim done since they’d left the manor?

Shaking his head, Jason settled into Red Hood and hopped onto the fire escape, scaling easily to the roof.

“Black Bat?” He repeated instead of answering, and half smiled when Spoiler groaned dramatically.

Black Bat answered in the considerate group pause.

“Not busy. Why?” She sounded amused, not even particularly tired, and Jason relaxed enough to slip all the way in.

“Thinking of going a little out of my way tonight. Wondered if you’d mind a tagalong?” Red Hood asked, hoping he sounded casual.

It wasn’t like he’d been planning to patrol the Alley anyway; his guys had already been told to handle it. He’d have to run around tomorrow night to keep the creepers scared, but he could have a couple off.

The tiny pause before her answer didn’t quite feel like judgement, but Jason muted before blowing out the sigh as she did. It wasn’t like the others needed to know he’d been stressing.

“Sure. Meet at the library?” She’d had his tracker up. Hood nodded, turning and running for the edge of the roof.

“Sounds good.” And they’d probably wound Spoiler up enough, she’d start plotting vengeance for being ignored soon. “So what the hell did Little Red do?”

“Brought Too Fine to the Bat Cave,” Spoiler told him with relish, not noticeably put out by the delay.

Not necessarily a good sign, since she was also this enthusiastic while actively plotting against him.

Wait.

Too Fine was Tucker’s hacker name.

“But he doesn’t know about us,” Red Hood said with a frown, catching an outcropping and swinging on.

“Oh, now you tell me,” Tim groused while the others snickered, “what a shame you didn’t think to when it’d have actually been helpful!”

News to Hood that he was on, probably still in the cave.

“He knows now,” Nightwing chimed in brightly, probably also travelling from the slight strain in his voice.

Hood paused for a moment, letting that sink in before attempting the next jump.

“Is he on comm?” He asked warily, because if Tim brought Tucker to the bat cave, it was entirely possible that they were all outed.

And that Tucker might tell Danny.

Shit, he still had to text Harley. Resolving to do it once he hit the library, he set back to running, throwing himself across another street.

Cass would probably take a little longer to get there.

“He’ll be back, he’s in the bathroom,” Tim explained with a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “It’s not all bad, he’s given me the full story on what happened in Amity Park. Witness account and all.”

“From a witness you let down to the bat cave~” Spoiler sang sweetly across the air.

Red Hood could hear Oracle rolling her eyes as she cut in.

“Tone it down, Batgirl. Bluebird, if you’re still thinking of heading in, could you swing past one last site on your way?” She said firmly, then lightening her tone for their current guest.

“Batgirl who? I’m Spoiler,” Spoiler grumbled, but didn’t push beyond that. None of them did when Oracle invoked the name she’d had second.

Bluebird snickered at her before answering the question, a hint of exertion suggesting she was on the move too.

“I’m not actually in a rush to go home, O, I got all dressed up so I might as well enjoy one last hurrah.”

Right, because she’d be going back to school probably when Danny did.

Harper had always been a damn good hero in Jason’s books, but she valued her retirement and none of them really wanted to ruin it. Unless, apparently, seven bats just had to stalk Jason’s new friends.

Hood would have apologized, but frankly if she’d said no, some of the others couldn’t have come to the gala to be a pain in his ass.

And then he couldn’t have had so much fun fucking with them.

Fine. One cool fruit basket for the Row household, and some rainbow cupcakes for Cullen. He needed practice on frosting roses anyway.

Although that also reminded him.

“Hey Bluebird, have the others filled you in on Phantom?” He asked, cutting off some more background chatter from Spoiler and Tim.

Nightwing and the girls had had hours by now.

“What, your new boyfriend?” Bluebird asked sweetly, and Hood rolled his eyes.

Probably hit the important shit then.

“Sent you a picture?” He asked instead, decidedly not entertaining that question.

Nightwing and Spoiler snickered. Hood flipped off their general directions, settling himself comfortably on the roof of the library to wait for Black Bat.

There was a short pause, the others now wondering what he was getting at. Good.

“In and out of suit,” Bluebird agreed, curiosity tinging with mild suspicion. Being out of retirement clearly wasn’t good for her.

Hood nodded, pulling out his phone and shooting Harley a quick text. It might be moot now, asking her not to mention Red Hood shit in front of Danny, but he might as well.

He still had to ask if Waylon knew. No reason not to do both, just in case. And see if Tucker knew when he got back.

“I know you’re outta the game, but keep the light show to a minimum if you see him around, okay?” He asked, scanning quickly over the list Danny’d cleared for public discussion.

He didn’t know if Tucker would have mentioned it, but he might as well. Cause of death was good, but Jason personally would veto “and the effects it may have now”.

Because fuck Bruce and his need for everyone to show him their weaknesses.

Bluebird definitely sounded curious now, and possibly like she was punching someone.

“Oh? He not big on the electricity?” She wondered aloud, and Hood grimaced.

Because if they were both at Gotham U in engineering… there was actually a chance Harper and Danny would run into each other.

Danny was older, but Harper skipped a couple years and he had no idea what year Danny was in. Fuck, they might be in the same classes. He couldn’t believe he’d never thought of that.

“Not exactly. You mighta seen him around actually, he’s a techie boy too. But he’s not a fan of the electricity flying around,” he explained, Nightwing making background noises that told Hood he hadn’t put the pieces together either.

Good. At least he wasn’t alone.

Bluebird made an interested hum, and probably a finishing blow considering the satisfaction when she spoke next.

“I thought he looked familiar. But then, he’s total Wayne-bait. Yeah, I can keep the good stuff under wraps if I see him around. Gonna guess he’s had some bad shocks in the line of work?”

Hood hesitated and in exactly the same instant Black Bat landed on the roof. Sam had given them all the warning about talking about a ghost’s death, so he could leave it at that.

But…

The way Danny had looked when he explained about Vlad. Yeah, he’d rather they took this seriously. He didn’t want any of his family to hurt Danny, even by accident.

“It’s how he died. He won’t spontaneously combust or anything, but it’s a bad memory.”

Silence reigned while the others absorbed that particular detail, Black Bat crossing to crouch on the roof beside him. Hood leaned over enough to bump their shoulders together.

He could almost feel concern radiating off her, which was an extra weird experience after literally feeling all of Danny’s emotions half the day.

Guess that was where Cass’s liminality was going. It made sense, kind of; despite her occasional trouble speaking, she was pretty much the clearest communicator in the family.

Having another back up way to make herself heard would only fit.

On a whim, he tried projecting comfort back to her.

—————

Tag list: @welcometosasakiworld @kyrianclawraith @someonebored0100 @stealingyourbones @starkcravingmad @frostedthroughghost @akikkobara @rainbowbunny0159 @littlefeather345 @violet-catsarelife @serasvictoria02 @wolfjackle @blacksea21090 @secretdestinywerewolf @anime-hipster-the-amazing @undead-essence @skitscratched @blackroserelina @snoodly-boop @trickerdi @mayoota-blog @xysidhe @idkmrpianoman @little-apricot-the-writer @chaoticmistake @the-legal-shipper @bun-fish @aroranorth-west @demon-cat-goes-woof @perfectwastelandcreation @onyxlightdragon @larks-and-katydids @peachesandcreamfemboy @jesus-camp-the-sequel @may-rbi @mothman-the-mothman87 @viyatrix @stargirl1331 @idfk-man10 @thedepressedrobin @skulld3mort-1fan @rootsmudge @ravenshadow17 @cankoking @phantom-dc @mentalcarebear @magic-pincushion @redamancyardor @lyra689 @itsparadoxlacuna

[msallurea]

hi, a few months ago i sent an ask about changing my ethnicity and i saw other people sent some too after but i haven't had any results.i don't know what to do anymore. i tried listening to subliminals i created, i tried repeating affirmations. i tried to do the 3d and 4d things and assume i have it, but i'm not understanding anything, i'll be 100% sure that my desire is mine than i'll be hit with reality and it's so hard for me. i don't feel like i'm manifesting anything, i feel like i'm being delusional. do you have any tips to help me? what can i do? i feel so hopeless and i hate feeling this well, i tried to detach and i'll keep trying but could you give me any tips or any help? tysm <33 i've also never saw anyone manifest this so i can't find any success story which usually motivate me a lot

Hi sweetie, i understand your frustration. I will try answering as concise as possible however i will onky telk u the basics of what i know the law to be. I cannot tell u personalky why you do not have your desire because well, if u say you have done everything right..this ask would not be sent. However i digress and im sure we have all felt like at some point we just didnt have what we want because we didnt "see" it. That is ok. You do not need motivation. What u need is discipline over your own mind. Motivation is fine but if it cannot bring u to be discipline when that motivation no longer exist, you do not need it. However I do recommend just going easy on yourself, the 3d can already be troubling don't double work yourself even more making it harder than what it needs to be. (Edward art let go meditation helps with this also)

Feeling a little delulu is normal and it's alright if u feel like u aren't making any progress. However with that being said when being in the state of wish fulfilled and manifesting in general it sounds like your spending more time focusing on it not being here rather than accepting its already done. The law is well..a law. If you're doing everything u just told me then the 3d actually has no choice but to reflect itself..that's IF you're actually doing everything u just told me. U say u assumed it is done yet you're here wondering well where is it, that in itself is also an assumption you have chosen to believe in..cuz u see that's not how it works. An assumption though false and though physical evidence denies it if persisted in it will harden into fact.

You need to understand that you as the outer man cannot manifest, that is why you as the inner man should not base your fulfillment of your desires upon the senses aka the 3d reality. The 3d can only show u what u already have in 4d. Accept that the outer u cannot do anything, only you as the inner man can. Who is the inner man? It is who you are in imagination, it is who u assume yourself to be within. You and I could meet each other in person right now, I could think you are gorgeous however you as the inner man may feel you are ugly and in return I could tell you you are gorgeous 1000 times and still, you would not believe me because in your mind you have assumed that you simply aren't attractive (this is just for the sake of examples do not take any of these personally)

If u do not feel fulfilled u are not fulfilled in imagination. Truly being fulfilled that u have what u want is knowing that it is already yours WITH OR WITHOUT THE 3D SHOWING U. True persistence is staying firm in your assumption REGARDLESS of if the 3d is showing u opposite.

You're not here to pretend that it's in the 3d we know our desires aren't in are 3d yet especially if our circumstances are all in our face, your only job is to accept that it is done in imagination. Why? Because imagination is your true reality. The only reason it feels like it is not is because you are not treating it like it is. You must accept the fact that every assumption you have made true in your mind is reflected out into your 3d, like a mirror. Who created that? Not the outer man, but the inner man and u as the inner man can change that. The outer man does nothing more then reflect what the inner man already believes of itself. If I asked u if u were pretty or ugly what would your answer be? You say pretty outwardly it doesn't matter what beauty standard u do and don't fit you'll appear pretty regardless because that is your assumption of yourself. The same if your answer is you are ugly that is what will be reflected out into your world.

I will use Neville Barbados story for example. Abdullah told Neville the moment he walked out of his prescence he was no linger on 72nd Street of New York but he was in Barbados, weeks even months passed by and Neville saw nothing. Neville doubted. Neville did not understand that if he was assuming that he was already in Barbados why was he not there? Abdullah told him once more "YOU ARE IN BARBADOS" and slammed the door in his face. Despite the 3d showing opposite, Neville once again imagined that he was in Barbados every night, walked in the streets as thought he was in Barbados seeing the balm trees and coconuts and shit even if in the physical reality he was walking the streets of New York..nothing like Barbados at all. However he used his senses of imagination, he saw himself as the inner man being in Barbados despite the outer man being in New York. Soon enough he eventually made it to Barbados and that is how his desire was fulfilled.

That is what I mean, if u are truly being persistent and truly assuming your desire was yours regardless of what the 3d was showing u, I have a feeling u would not being asking me this and more so telling me about your success story.

So in a kind but firm tone I will tell u, you are already that what u wish to be, the only reason u are not is because u assume so. But that is ok. Do not let your physical senses of this world tell u who u are within for that is delusion. You have already succeeded in having your desire, in fact I'm not even seeing this as an ask but u telling me your success story of how u have manifested your desire because that's exactly what u did. I mean technically this is a success story..just not a fulfilled one but an unfulfilled one. But that is ok because u can make it a fulfilled one if you truly follow the advice

[planet-crait]

Time for Crock to the Future! This is another one I’ve been curious to get to. Not as curious as Founders Day but still curious.

Wait Hazels dad only has nine Toes? Uhh come again Cosmo? What kind of toe incident gets you chainsaws? But ohhh nice Hazels dad is getting an award! I wonder if we’ll really get into the work exactly he does.

You know persistence is something good when you work in a field involving the supernatural. I do love that he refused to let doubt get him down and make him give up. AJ founded that when he was ten?? When in the show? Cuz they spent the entire time as ten? It’s kind of cute he looks up to AJ so much. I wonder how old he is compared to AJ?

One Hazel your outfit is absolutely adorable you rock pink I love it. Ohhh I see what the show did there. Fourth wall breaks can be done well take note poorly done shows with fourth wall breaks! But wait. How does a paranormal detector…work if they’re trying to prove they even exist? And why keep the paranormal out wouldn’t you want them to reveal themselves? Also is that a Mark reference?

Once again why does Hazels dad mention magic but also doubt the existence of fairy godparents??? How does a paranormal believer draw the line at magic? It doesn’t make sense.

Hazel? Really? You just ran in. Oh wow AJ comes in early lolz. The signs in the show continue to send me every time I notice them like this one with AJ.

Just brilliant hilarious.

They’re really going to steal a small child’s bag? Like is that really legal? And AJ is just chill with this? I have major questions. Why would they do that to an employees child like this feels so beyond sus to me. Are we supposed to distrust the institute? But Hazels dad works there? I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about this.

I appreciate Hazel being so concerned with making sure her dad has an amazing night but uh your dad’s boss ran off with your purse in a somewhat probably illegal manner so maybe bring that up? Especially since your godparents are on there??

VIVA LA PLUTO I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Wait…am I agreeing with Crocker? Shit. Serious question though why does AJ employ Crocker if he tortured him as his friends as kids? Or does he just. Not care cuz Crocker gave him A’s? I mean it tracks I guess.

I love how he declares his full name seemingly only for the audience he doesn’t know is their and Hazel calls him out. Idk sometimes fourth wall breaks can be funny.

Crocker…I doubt anyone listens to you I’m pretty sure you built that booth yourself. Hazel. Are you really wanting to ask the man clearly obsessed with fairies for help finding said fairies? Is this really a smart life choice here?

Oh he’s a janitor. That makes more sense. Okay does AJ actually have some hair now or??? Wait Fairy atomizer 3000? But Hazels dad doesn’t think Fairy’s could possibly exist so why does THAT exist besides raising the stakes? Why…does AJ think fairies are dangerous? Legit why? I saw and AU that’s interesting wherein AJ does think they’re dangerous and I thought it was a neat concept but I didn’t realize it had roots in the show itself. I’m assuming he must because why else would you build a machine to destroy something you know nothing about? But why would he think they’re dangerous? I have so many questions I doubt will be answered.

Guys maybe stop talking in front of the humans wanting to deatomize you? I love how Cosmo mishears words though I just. I feel that in my soul as someone who also regularly mishears words and has to ask people to repeat themselves because brain short circuited idk it makes me feel seen.

Why are you bragging about handing out F’s? Like that’s not a good teacher trait. Crocker…uh…you’re obsessed that’s true. Even if you weren’t obsessed the handing out F’s thing would also likely turn people away from giving you a teaching position.

AJ…I know it’s good for Cosmo and Wanda the leather is distracting you but also PRIORITIES. Also how did Hazel get a real leather bag???? Those things are pricey? Sturdy for sure. Will last forever yeah but she’s so young!

They’re really going to leave the suspected fairies unsupervised? Uhhh okay off you go. WOW Crocker it took you this long to figure that out? You’ve gotten slow. Smart kiddo grab what you know is the fairies sacrifice the bag.

HAZEL FRIES REALLY? In such a fancy bag? Oh wow another Timmy reference. No names just their last godkid but yeah Timmy continues to kind of haunt the narrative I’m digging it. I just realized though Cosmo and Wanda didn’t have a godkid between Crocker and Timmy which is…a long time to not have a godkid when apparently fairy world is also short on godparents? I know this is just canon from the Og show but it sure is a strange choice from the original writers.

Cosmo maybe uh. Don’t reveal your weakness out loud. Or joke about a giant net yep okay there it is. Yep. How does Crocker have a giant net? Why does no one question its existence?

Oh Hazels dad is giving his speech over Crocker getting the equipment. Oh and he’s looking at Cosmo and Wanda. He knows. Without a doubt Hazel has fairies. Will this be an issue? Probably not. It should because previously someone finding out about a kids fairies got the fairies taken away and memories erased.

Cosmo. Read the room. Oh Timmy again. Oh only his last name getting dropped. I wonder how long they’ll avoid saying his first name. I am curious if Hazel will ever met him in later seasons. Hazel how did you forget about that they just told you their magic is useless.

Wait Crocker isn’t a Ghost why would it capture him??? I don’t understand how that will work?

Hazel uh that’s not a great line lolz.

How did the aliens sneak in and not get caught??????? Uh how? If the scanner can scan fairies they’ve never seen why would it miss aliens we know exist? And does no one notice their skin is green?

Lolz uh AJ why keep Crocker if he keeps interrupting the ceremony? Also Crocker literally assaulted AJ like That should also be a problem. Like good on him for having a backup but still. Cute Hazel is so proud of her dad.

Overall this was a fine episode. I wonder if Crocker will reappear and go after Hazel? I also have some questions on the production end. I know their was previous ideas to have Timmy be the one to have founded the institute but that was scrapped and I’m curious as to why and what this means for Timmy’s potential future within the show. Was this a network forced change or did the writers decide they didn’t want to reveal Timmy too soon.

I’m personally torn on this. On the one hand the original show never got a proper ending which sucks for fans of the original but this show deserves to be its own thing and not be just about Timmy again (heavens know that’s one of the few things I really dislike about Rebels is it repeatedly being used to further TCW characters and arcs at the sheer detriment of the characters if the new show) but also having Timmy’s fate so up in the air especially when it’s clear he was special to Cosmo and Wanda and more so then Hazel is so far and probably honestly ever will be. Like very very early on Cosmo and Wanda were telling Timmy they loved him and Hazel hasn’t gotten that. It raises questions about if something happened that has them putting up walls to not get hurt again or if it’s just Timmy was beyond special to them and they don’t normally get so close to their godkids.

I have a feeling that part won’t ever be explored in the show but it would be cool and I would love to see some resolution for Timmy in something not even necessarily in this show just…something. Though admittedly I have a feeling he will eventually show up based on original ideas for this episode and the way he haunts the narrative. That is if we get a season 2 which so far I really hope we do get a season 2. Onto the next one!

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

I have a couple of bleach related question about some topics you already mentioned and since I love your thoughts and you have bleach moment I hope I won’t be to annoying. Obv don’t need to answer

Is Grimmjow your favourite bleach character? What moment made you change your mind on orihime? Was there specific moment, or just all of it? Why arrancar arc is your favourite? Do you like any other one? Can you elaborate on grimmulqui? What do you find interesting about their dynamic, since it’s described as completely incompatible in canon? You saw Di Roy as basically looking up to grimmjow, do you have other ideas about the group dynamic? And sth with drama but I need to know Is your feeling about gr!m!chi based on age difference they have? Cuz I felt the same after I became an adult and wonder if it’s similar to you, but someone pointed out Isshin and masaki who are also similar in ages, so idk what to think rn?

And btw I hope one day you will feel comfy enough to share your OC/character. I always look forward to what you post so I’m sure it is fun and interesting. Thanks and sorry again.

Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh ok I’m sorry to everyone for what I am about to inflict upon your dash. 

So i think back when I first watched bleach as a tiny middle schooler, I did like Grimmjow the most. But my best friend had said that Grimmjow was HER favourite, so i opted for Ulquiorra instead out of respect (my kid logic was unmatched, i know lmao). Now Ulquiorra is a character that I love a lot and I did RP as him for a couple years because of that (he is a sad clown. he is an emo. like how can i not like him), but Grimmjow has absolutely retaken the spot of Number One Guy of All Time. He is the Original Catboy, he's blue, he’s a dickhead, he's a lot more observant and intelligent than literally everyone gives him credit for, he loves to beat the shit out of everyone, AND he’s emotionally constipated, I love him. 

Also for Orihime it was like, when I was getting back into bleach in college i was peeking at some blogs for it while also reading the manga and the hate people have for her is so unreal dude. Like part of it really was just out of spite for those people lmfao. There's nothing wrong with her, people are just so venomous!! And for what!! Her big boobs????? She’s weird! She’s compassionate and will heal even her enemies! And not to repeat myself but she’s ALSO more observant and intelligent than literally everyone gives her credit for. She intuits so much that other characters dont pick up on, like??? Why. I mean I know why, its just tiring lmfao

I guess I like chapters before Rukia’s capture because the energy for them is really good? And the shinigami arc is all good because it sets up a lot of new shit for the rest of the series. And also the Fullbringer arc is a lot better than I thought it was going to be. BUUUUUT Arrancar Arc is my favourite bc the arrancar are my favourite. No competition. I think their world is interesting, how it worked before Aizen and after Aizen fucked it all up; I like the struggle between the animalistic lifestyle and cycle of violence they’d all been subjected to rubbing up against the reclamation of their humanity and figuring out what that means for them, and how the promise Aizen gives them of power makes that even harder because he’s forcing them to stay in that survival-of-the-fittest, hyper competitive mindset so they can all be his little murder machines. I also love that they all have fursonas lmfao.

For Grimmulqui it’s like… I think I just like the idea of two dudes with a shitty grasp on their own emotions (mostly from being in an environment that’s forced them to suppress anything that isn’t going to keep them alive) not realizing what it is they're feeling for each other. Seeing Grimmjow noticing things about Ulquiorra (mostly to size him up as a threat, I’m sure lmao) like how he notes that he will always stab prey he’s interested in right where his hollow hole is, as a quirk that he thinks Ulq himself probably doesnt realize. And like, he’ll say shit like “haha, you’re scared to fight me! Because you think we’ll tear each other apart!” and then turn around and just remove Ulquiorra from the situation entirely instead of actually fighting him (which yes is because he had the objective of fighting Ichigo instead and that would just prolong everything and get in the way) But idk! It reads to me like he might be projecting a tiny bit! Also like. The Penis Swords Chapter Cover. Need I Say More.

As for Grimmjow’s group, yeah, but it’s like. It’s less about each of them on an individual level and more about them as just a group? Because of how little we really got for them it’s a lot more work to extrapolate things from lmao. Like I think they all idolize Grimmjow in a way, but Di Roy does the most and is the most obvious about it. Most of my thoughts on them are just about how cool it’d be if they were all still alive and could pal around with their favourite guy :( They could have the shittiest mancave in Las Noches that Shawlong fruitlessly tries to lecture everyone else about cleaning, and it’d be great! Also I think its funny that Yylfordt is the jock to Szayel’s nerd and the potential for more sibling rivalry shit would be cool. 

And uh. Well for Grimmichi and Isshin/Masaki like…….. Dude idk what to tell you lmfao. Like we could have a whole discussion about Kubo being lame for Isshin/Masaki but I think people using the fact that it’s canon in spite of the age gap as a defense for grimmichi (which i think is what you’re implying, right?) is fucking dumb lol. As if that suddenly makes it less weird. Ok.

[pumpernickel-simswood]

I'm sorry for spamming the tag. I think I'll just put a few eps together going forward to make the tag less cluttered.

Episode 15:

-Now I want steak, thanks Steve lol.

-The impulse control on these gents. Aww, Steve. No, he's not your dad, he's your fucking friend and he cares about you, Nate >:( Steve deserves better. Oh man, that's some d&d pc behavior. That poor window did nothing wrong lol

Steve's Theme is pretty great.

Episode 16:

-Why is Jim's wedding photo in a kitchen drawer? That's very weird. Nate, you are certainly as arrogant as a Gryffindor. Why was there a woman's scream???

Episode 17:

-Steeeeeve, yes, Powerline is fantastic. Excellent taste in fictional bands. Good man lol. Fear reaction being singing is so valid. Steve's hate of Jim is incredibly weird and interesting. This man is having a Time.

Episode 18:

-If Steve is right about Jim, I'm gonna laugh so hard. A stack of lawn chairs is not weird, Nate. The door, on the other hand. Okay, the wall of clippings of missing and murdered people is definitely weird. It feels kinda like a wall of trophies tbh. Also, props for the soundscaping. Oh boi, a journal full of weird symbols? That's definitely a Leitner. Okay, full length mirror is- Uh, what was that? Ah, the entity who tried to kill Steve. Well then!

Episode 19:

-I really don't like mirror horror lol. The entity has Doppelganger/Stranger vibes. A knocking? The mirror maybe? Oh, a hidden hallway. . . The way the buildings change around them is really unsettling. Yeah, just enter the random hallway and doorway. Nothing can go wrong by doing that. I just want know what is helping the gents and why.

Episode 20:

-Yeah, um, this isn't good. The sound engineering is fantastic though! Hmmmm

Episode 21:

-So, did Steve just get thrown out the attic to the ground? Ah, fuck. Time loss again. Shit. Not a mention of Steve, huh Nate? And Jess has been wiped out of existence. More knocking. I wonder what's causing that. The entity is really trying to isolate Nate, that's fun. He really can't hear the knocking, that's interesting. And has no memory of Steve. Man. Man man man. That's weird, starts off as the first letter and then leads into a Lonely statement. Or a Lonely/Stranger combo. Which, valid. And that was probably Steve :(

Episode 22:

-That is so cruel, the situational irony. Good gracious. Nate! How dare you insult my childhood horror! Goosebumps and Courage are amazing! Just cuz you don't get it lol. It's weird that all these letters are from women. Every single one we've heard. Hmmm. Paul is a name that's been repeated for brothers twice at least. Which wouldn't be weird in real life, but given that it's a horror podcast... Bella is such a good dog. Oh shit, was that Paul? Nate's brother?

Episode 23:

-Sleep paralysis? Sleep paralysis. I wonder if whatever the entity is is what's controlling the weather too. Nate and Bella haven't been able to get far from the house. It's like the weather has a mind to keep Nate there. And finally, a knocking Nate hears. And the faceless being directed him to his phone. Interesting, interesting.

Episode 24:

-Give his memory baaaaaack. Correct, gender is unimportant to the gaining your memory back. Stop rambling, Nate, look at the phone. Oh thank goodness, there's some of the old stuff still on his phone. Good, good, good. Can not believe Nate has less agency than Jon Si- Puppy noises!!!! I'm sorry, *what* woods? Prentiss? Okay, that's pretty great. What a coincidence there lol. STEVE! NOOOO NATE! UGH! I'm dead on the floor. I miss Steve. Oh thank goodness you're gullible, Nate. Thank you for accepting the photo from our gent. Holy crow lol.

Episode 25:

-Alright, last one for now. Let's go. You have bad takes, Nate roflmao. Gamers rule. Nvm to the only lady letters apparently lol. There we go. He caught a lead. Finally. Hopefully he'll be able to make progress again. I feel like he was close to figuring something out before his memory got stolen again.

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2009 I’m just about ready to kiss pound #17 goodbye. Yeah, just when I thought I wouldn’t lose any more, down goes another pound. Since running in quick spread-out bursts, I haven’t done any straight 20-minute jogging in about a week. The slightest variation in routine can cause you to work different muscles, so I decided to jog today up and down the place just to see if the new routine was pulling me out of shape in other ways, but nope. If anything, I’m in better shape and the quick, stationary bursts of running are working even more muscles. Or the same ones harder. This is good to know cuz once it finally warms up, I’m not going to be able to run 20 minutes straight. We’re still having rain for the most part, but I’m hoping things are going to warm up soon. Not around here, but in town, the leaves are starting to bud on those that lost them.

Tom talked to Jesse for almost 5 minutes today and now we know why there’s been more barking. First, though, Jesse’s not only still okay with us having to split the rent, but he too, is on unemployment! We figured he was out of work.

He said he wasn’t aware that the dogs were going off whenever he leaves (we figured this, too), but that he’s been leaving them behind more lately because of the rain, and apparently, they’d like to go with him.

Another thing he says he’s trying to do is to breed them. My first thought was, oh, that’s just great. Just what we need around here; to triple the dog count. But Tom said he clearly said one litter, and we’re pretty sure he’s not going to keep the puppies. Usually, when you breed your dogs it’s to give puppies to friends and family members. Unfortunately, he didn’t say anything about getting rid of one of the parents after the dating game ends. Who knows, this might be an opportunity for us. I did say that if I was going to be forced to listen to barking wherever we go we might as well make some of it ours, and I did say that I wished I could have a pet that lived a hell of a lot longer than rats, so maybe we can see about getting one. It’d be easier to get one from him than to go to the pound, and this way, if it didn’t work out for some reason, we could give it back to him. I don’t know what kind of dogs these are. They’re not the same, whatever they are, but they’d be a good size. Not too little that you gotta worry about stepping on them, but not too big either.

He said that the female is older and that he thinks they haven’t bred yet because the male hasn’t quite gotten the hang of what to do yet. He said he caged them while she was in heat.

He also appears to be getting really sick of being home, asking if there was anything we needed done down here. That’s what I was afraid of. Not of him being a pest. He got that out of his system a while back. What worries me is what’s going to happen when he goes back to work. Tom thinks that for now, he’ll probably start taking them with him more often, but when he goes back to work, then what? Do we just have to sit and take it on and off all day?

Tom said he likes my idea of using the barking as sort of an ultimatum once he gets a job himself, as to whether or not we’re going to move. We both don’t think Jesse would want to give up good renters like us and risk getting a repeat of the last people he had in here. We can still get the stop-barking device, but I don’t know if it’ll work. I wonder if he’d let us use it up there.

Well, our problems don’t usually get fixed that easily, so my guess is things will be the same or eventually get worse until we figure out what to do next. For now, I’m glad Tom laid the foundation down for whatever has to come next to shut them up. All Jesse has to do is pull them indoors when he takes off, but for some reason, most people in the West simply won’t do that.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 2009 So I’ve gone from being hunted down by my “legal” stalkers, to being stuck in motels, to being murdered by my brother and uncle in my nightmares. Ugh! Not cool. Not cool at all.

The dream was amazingly vivid and detailed, and I remember just about all of it, too. For reasons my folks would never even consider, they bought back the first house they owned in Longmeadow, the one with the huge backyard where I lived during my first 13 or so years. They even furnished it much the way it had been in the 70s, only with modern electronics and appliances. My folks would really never buy it back, of course, because of the climate and the size of the house and the work the yard would bring. Even if they had money to hire someone else to maintain it, they wouldn’t need a 4-bedroom house.

Anyway, they bought the house back and had a little family reunion. One in which I would never care to join, much less without my husband, and even though it was summer. It started with just my folks, sister and myself. It was evening. I guess Tammy stayed indoors, but for some bizarre reason, my folks decided to watch TV out in the far reaches of the backyard while I laid sort of in the middle of it, sprawled out on my back with my iPod. I was by the farthest point of the fence that was once there surrounding the above-ground pool they had for a while.

At one point I turned off the iPod and called out, “Hey, it’s getting nippy out here. Shall we go in now?”

No answer.

So I called out “Hey” again. When I still didn’t receive an answer I thought I saw a glow coming from up a little hill where there was a small clearing in which my swings were kept. But when I went up there to check it out I could see that the glow was nothing more than the sliver of moonlight reflecting off the leaves of the trees.

So back down I went. It was now pitch black. The dim lights I thought were on before appeared to have been turned off inside the house. Suddenly, I felt a rush of movement behind me and then blacked out completely.

When I came to, I was on the living room couch. I slowly sat up and realized right away that I had a splitting headache. I stood up all confused and walked around the main floor calling out to the others, but no one answered. Then I went upstairs, first stopping at the drama queen’s room in front of the house. She had apparently fallen asleep. I thought it was a little weird since it was a bit early, she’d left her light on and the door open a few inches. Next, I peered into my parents’ room. They’d fallen asleep with the TV on, and as they always did in real life, had left the door open, so that wasn’t too odd other than the early hour.

Still confused and disoriented, I turned away from their door and ended up peering into the meanest, hateful icy light blue eyes ever. Once considered handsome in his younger days, time and age couldn’t hide the utter coldness of my now much older Uncle Ronnie’s familiar glare. I never knew the nature of his coldness in real life, but my dream self suddenly understood that he, along with my brother Larry who had also suddenly appeared, had killed my folks and Tammy.

And now they wanted to kill me.

My confusion turned to rage knowing that my disorientation would render me defenseless against these now older guys. Guys who still smoked and didn’t exercise. Guys who my fast, fit, stronger and younger self could now take easily enough under normal circumstances, especially Ronnie, who was pushing 70.

I alternated between cussing them out and asking what the hell they were doing and why, and then it also hit me that they thought they’d left me for dead when they snuck up behind me, bonked me on the head, and threw me on the couch.

Then Larry got hit with a pinch of guilt, saying he wasn’t sure he could “take care of his little sister.” He even suggested they just leave me be and agree to share the money with me. That’s when the ‘why’ hit me as well. They were killing everyone so they could sell the house and not have to share the money with anyone but themselves.

My uncle argued that I would certainly talk as the pain in my head grew worse and I was beginning to feel as if I might faint. He shoved me toward my old room, adjacent to the master bedroom, and told Larry, “Go downstairs. Little Jodi won’t be alive much longer, I assure you, and then we won’t have to worry. Just get the car started and wait for me.”

I was then pushed up against my little twin bed and smashed a second time over the head with some blunt object Ronnie had been holding. I fell onto the bed as he ran down the stairs and out the front door. I faintly heard the car drive off a few seconds later through the buzzing sound the blow had caused.

I suddenly sat up on the edge of the bed, perhaps by some sort of reflex. I stared into the gloomy hall, but everything was so hazy and now my head was in excruciating pain. I didn’t hold out any hope, though. I knew I only had a matter of seconds to go before I died. I felt sad and defeated and my final thoughts were of Tom. I wondered how he’d take the news back in Cali of my murder, and thought of how lonely he’d be living his last 30-40 years alone. I realized I wouldn’t get to say goodbye and that we’d never again be able to do the things we loved to do together, nor would I ever again be able to enjoy things I liked to do on my own.

I woke up after just 4 hours of sleep right as I fell back on the bed for the last time. Then I ended up wanting to kill them myself for real cuz I couldn’t fall back asleep! I ended up laying there for a few hours, then once I got up, ate and showered, I felt a little more alive.

Speaking of my folks, who are still alive and well as far as I know, I’ve decided to send them several sheets of pictures at once, rather than 1-2 at a time. This way I won’t lose track of what’s already been sent. I’m not going to send anything till it gets close to Dad’s 78th birthday, though, in early April.

As for the sister, sure, I sometimes miss her. I miss the good times, the laughs, the chatter, and the big badass drama queen who was never afraid to speak her mind even if it meant being brutally honest (so at least we have one thing in common). But then I remind myself that that brutal, badass drama queen, defended the husband who abused her and her daughter when her sister informed him of just what she’d like to do to him for it, then gave him our whereabouts so the cops could pay us a visit, thus resulting in the discovery of the bench warrant and me losing an awful lot of time, money and freedom. I won’t bother getting into the physical and emotional toll it all ended up taking on me. And my husband. She couldn’t have known about the warrant any more than we could, but what kind of normal, sane, reasonable, logical person defends the wrong person like that? I still wonder about this. I just don’t get how the hell she could turn on me like she did. I wasn’t the one abusing her!

While I was still freaked out by the realness of the dream – it really did seem incredibly real – Tom was assuring me that we’d never separate for days or thousands of miles. He got that one right! I remember how depressed I felt when we thought he was going to have to go on that overnight business trip up in Oregon. It felt like he was leaving for weeks, and I tried to tell myself to get a grip. I’d lived alone nearly a decade, after all, before we met. But he felt the same way and so we were glad he got to get out of it.

Jessie said she can’t use the anti-barking device against the neighbor’s dogs because the 8’ wall between them would interfere with the frequency. I asked if it could be put on her roof. I worry about it working for us with the curve of the mountain, distance and trees, but Tom’s sure it will. We just may have to plant it partway up the mountain where the stand of trees starts so that it’s closer to their level.

Tom says he’s going to mention the dogs to Jesse if he’s not rushed off the phone when he goes to call about splitting the rent again. This I have to see to believe, but I have a feeling Jesse will say there’s nothing he can do about it, which would really mean there’s nothing he will do about it. Dogs can be left indoors while their owners work full-time, which he obviously does not, so they don’t have to be outside. If the purpose of them is to protect the place, since I don’t see any other purpose in getting dogs just to store outdoors all the time, wouldn’t it be better to do it from the inside anyway? Outside, burglars could just move out of reach of the dogs unless they were on runners that surrounded the entire place, but on the inside, there’d be no way to tell exactly where they were.

They haven’t been too bad the last couple of days, but this is because I’m still on nights and trying to keep it that way.

Damn, why don’t I just have a toilet for an office chair! I can’t stop pissing!

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2009 Yes! Emilie has a bid! That was much faster than anticipated. She also has 40 views and 11 watchers.

I got the incense I won yesterday along with some surprise goodies he threw in. Another shiny, glittery cone burner, not that I need one since I don’t do cones. A bag of Polo cones I didn’t like at all, plus 3 roll-on perfumes. Lucky You is strange, Curve is so-so, but Carolina Herrera is beautiful. It smells like gardenias.

I got slight vibes for work for Tom within the first two weeks of March. Something about the 12th and 14th, only the 14th is on a Saturday. Hmm… guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

I won 6 writing contests on Kiwibox! So that brought a nice 1200 points.

So Tom agrees with me that the barking seems to be much more of an issue when I happen to be up and about. Good, so I’m not going crazy after all with this assumption. The question I’ve been asking for the last 17 years, though, is why me? Just like I had to ask why God would whip my ass with the sickos in Phoenix, why has He been using every damn dog I live close enough to hear as a weapon of annoyance against me??? Something sure seems to be anyway. If He’s “cursed” me with barking, why would He punish me with other people’s dogs driving me crazy like this and for so long???

I’ve thought about it and I’ve thought about it, and the only thing I can come up with is that when I was really little, I would take my frustrations out on one of the puppies we had at the time. But a child that age can’t inflict much harm, so the “torture” basically involved tossing it up in the middle of my parents’ bed and letting it fall onto it, although I do vaguely remember my mother saying something about me breaking its leg. I don’t remember actually doing anything to the dog and this could be a made-up story told to me or me not remembering correctly. If I did do any of this, I was too young to know any better much less remember.

I admit it. I often took my anger out on this dog as well as some of our pet rodents, even pulling the tail off a gerbil once that my sister said I supposedly asked to be taped back on.

Or maybe these were just stories told to me by my gaslighting family because I honestly don’t remember either of these incidents. I hope they’re not true!

But if there is a grain of truth to any of this and if this is why I’m being “paid back” by every neighbor’s dog over the last 17 years, why now? Why would it start when I was 26? And why would it still be going on today? And why isn’t 17 years of payback more than enough?

Or is it because I was noisy myself when I was young, often annoying neighbors when I lived in apartments with my loud music or running around? And if this is it, once again, how many more years until I’m “compensated” for being a nuisance?

I guess I can never know for sure why I “coincidentally,” as much as the West truly is full of barking dogs left outside all the time, get hit with this shit everywhere I go. If it is the way I treated animals as a child, then maybe God should’ve blessed that child with a mommy who was nicer to her. After all, verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is usually what drives children to abuse animals, other children, etc., and she may not have been directly responsible for my actions, but I think she helped influence them more than most people may want to ever admit. Including her.

Whatever the reason for the curse, it’s undeniably aimed at me. Two mornings ago they started barking at 7:00. A half-hour later I was going to bed thinking it was a good thing Tom doesn’t mind barking as much as I do cuz he’s in for one hell of a noisy day! Yet when he got up a few hours later, he said it was quiet all day. I know they would’ve gone on and on all day had I just been getting up.

Then just yesterday, all was quiet until I got up to pee around noon. The instant my ass hit the toilet seat the motorcycle started up, followed by barking. I then went back to bed where the fan and sound machine drowns it all out. When I got up in the evening, I asked Tom how bad it had been and he said, “They stopped the instant you closed the bedroom door.”

Gee, how ironic!

So I’m staying on nights as long as possible when I’m safe from this curse and able to get a lot more peace. Although, it does mean being woken up by the fucking motorcycle. That thing is just soooooo loud and there’s just no way to drown it out completely. I guess I could keep turning the sound machine up, but I still don’t know if that’d override the bassy rumbling it makes. Either way, there’s always something. Barking dogs when I’m on days, roaring motorcycles waking me up when I’m on nights, trying to sleep during the day.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2009 Is something trying to keep us from the added protection and good fortune that having a horseshoe over our door can bring? It’s sure starting to feel that way! First I got outbid, and now, thanks to Pay Pal screwing up, the one we bought was sent to Carmichael. We only lost 85¢, but it really sucks that no matter how many times we delete the fucking Carmichael and Klamath addresses from Pay Pal’s account info, they keep using it! I checked with the Stickman, and fortunately, he did send the incense I won to Auburn. Of course, if the damn seller had checked their messages more often, they’d have caught our request to change the address, so now I don’t know what’s going to happen at this point.

Glinda has 13 watchers now and one of the coins got a bid. I wish I could be around for the exciting conclusion tomorrow afternoon, but no, I have to be cursed with a sleep disorder which means I’ll be asleep at that time. I’m on nights now. The good in it is that it means less barking to have to deal with.

Tom was telling me about someone with a sleep disorder that killed them and that makes mine seem like a blessing in comparison as hard as it is to live with. I forgot to write about this long ago, but back up in Oregon, Tom not only worked with a guy whose mother had the same kind of sleep disorder I do (how could she raise a child with it?) but this guy’s wife was killed by hers. She had this disorder that would cause her to spontaneously fall asleep at any given time. I said, “Wow, how can anyone do that?” and Tom said, “Well, it’s hard to understand just like people don’t understand yours.” Anyway, a doctor gave her a medication that they assured her would keep her from falling asleep at the wheel, yet one day she was driving, fell asleep, her car drifted off the side of the road, and she died.

Why do people put so much faith in doctors, lawyers, cops and religious leaders? So many of them are so damn incompetent, corrupt and even downright insane!

Anyway, I wonder if Dr. Donoghue had that (that shrink I saw at his home back in the late 80s). He would often fall asleep in his plush chair as I was talking. I didn’t think I was that boring! I wrote it off as being old and ill. Perhaps even a side effect of a medication. He died shortly after I started seeing him.

Anyway, all but 3 of our 9 items have watchers as of right now, and 4 have bids. I’d say there’s going to be at least somewhat of a fight for the doll in the end. If she sells for $50, I’ll have gotten what I paid for her, excluding shipping. She’s gotten 117 views so far whereas a couple of his coins only have two.

I had a really scary dream last night about those you-know-whats that tormented me for 7 years. First, though, I had been commenting to Tom on how I always have win dreams right before I win something good, and dreams or vibes about an upcoming change. But since I hadn’t had any win/job dreams, I was worried that meant that change was not in the near future for us. But then I dreamt that someone was asking me if he was still working at the warehouse and I said, “No, he got a job at…” Then I woke up before I could say where. I hope this is a good sign!

And I hope this next dream is anything but a bad sign! It’s worse than my usual two nightmares (being stuck in motels or dealing with giant spiders that can fly). Yup, it was them. In the dream, a cop came to arrest me. I guess the pig woke me up (they usually did), but what was odd about it was my calm demeanor. My dream self knew it was Joely and Jerry up to their old tricks. I knew they either twisted something I wrote online in their favor or that someone did something to them and they decided I should pay for it. Well, I’d be anything but calm if they decided to ever fuck with me again! And I would seriously hope that no one would want to spite someone that bad that they’d risk their own safety and even their lives just to do it, cuz I swear round two wouldn’t end as round one did! Not even close. I’m not going to get into what I’d do. I’ll only say they’d have to be utterly suicidal to seek me out after all these years. Really suicidal. And stupid!

Back to the dream. The cop waited for me to dress in the doorway to the bedroom which didn’t look anything like this one. Yet it seemed to take me forever just to get dressed. I struggled to pull my panties on (which was weird since that’s the one thing I always sleep in) yet I just couldn’t get them up my legs. Then I became embarrassed when the cop was not only watching me struggle to pull them up, but my period was starting too, which kind of made for a rather ugly site. When I finally got them on, the cop turned to talk to Tom for a minute and I lay down on the bed and started to fall asleep. I then shook myself awake an instant later and thought to myself, you can’t go to bed now! What are you, crazy? You need to get up and get moving and deal with this shit.

I rose from the bed and then began the struggle to get on a pair of royal blue sweatpants I haven’t owned in years, and then I woke up.

I know I’m just being paranoid, but remembering how obsessed they were with me still worries me to this day. I’ve lived in the fear that they’ll one day find me and start the same old cycle of shit all over again. No, it still wouldn’t end the same way because I’ve learned a lot about the law and wouldn’t answer their court calls, but saying I’d kill them if they came to my door may be a lot easier said than done. Like they themselves would be the ones to come to my door? What kind of death-wishing nutjob would dare do such a thing? Chances are almost guaranteed that I’d never be able to find them. I’ll bet I couldn’t find them right now. Hell, if I screwed someone over the way they screwed me just once, you bet I’d be hiding really well! And no matter how low I managed to fly below the radar, I’d still be looking over my shoulder every step of the way.

I tell myself, calm down. You haven’t done anything wrong. But I know that one doesn’t necessarily have to do anything, or much of anything, when it comes to minorities and the state of Arizona. They hated me for being Jewish. They hated me for complaining about the noise and harassment they were dishing upon us. They took my journal excerpts and twisted them in their favor. They, or someone else they were fucking with, sent them a threatening letter that their corrupt pig pal thrust into my hands during interrogation so as to get my prints on them. Then I was shown more “evidence” I’d never seen or heard of just minutes prior to sentencing. Now I may not have gotten a life sentence for some murder I never committed, but I still got shit on bad enough as I’m sure most would agree. And when you’re prone to having dream premonitions, dreams like this can be rather unnerving. I know not all my dreams come true, but with technology as advanced as it is today, it wouldn’t be hard to set someone up, especially with the help of a cop who could find me in a heartbeat. He could trace my whereabouts through mine or Tom’s social, or our ISP at social networking or other sites I’m a member of. All he has to do is claim it’s police business and the site managers and or owners would hand over our ISP, thus leading to our address, no questions asked. But to dump my online life would be letting them take even more from me and so I won’t do it. I would rather put myself at risk than let them win some more.

I keep thinking about this girl who once told me that the kind of obsession and hatred they harbored toward me doesn’t exactly die easy and that they’d be just as obsessed with me in 5 years as they would be in 10 as they would be in 20, but Tom said that the passage of time means a lot in my favor.

Still, I wonder about the strange emails I sometimes get. I guess they could just be new scams. Most scams are the same old, same old, but there are some new twists that I sometimes wonder about. The only difference is that I’m the big one to delete and ignore them as soon as I see what it is, for I know no one can make me read anything I don’t want to read. I don’t need to run crying to the police like a child runs to his mother whenever someone does something he doesn’t like. I know words can never hurt me and that until and if someone actually harms me or abuses me again through the legal system, I am okay.

The only other thing I’ll say about these sick twists in this entry is this: Joely, Jerry, if you’re reading this somehow, and if you dare walk back into my life be it in person or through the law, you WILL be sorry. You can take that as a threat, you can take it as a warning, you can cry racism, you can bash me in print, but you will NOT, under any circumstances ruin or seize control of my life as you did from March of 1996 till June of 2003. I will NEVER again be your victim for to try to victimize me yet again would only be victimizing your own selves. Would I be worth it?

I was going to update on Kiwi every 50 pages I wrote in Word since that’s the most I can paste in, but then I decided to post by the month. I rarely have more than 50 pages a month of journaling set on the Verdana font at point 10 like I use in my word processor anyway. I have 23 pages so far this month. I just posted the rest of January and will post February’s entries in a week.

We had a few days of sunshine, but now the rain’s back. It’s raining right now as a matter of fact. I love the sound of it, but I’m also ready for summer! Amazingly enough and even though it’s now 4 AM, the heat hasn’t come on. The cloud coverage helps keep it warmer. Oops, I jinxed it! It just came on. Oh well. That was still quite a long time and will certainly save us on propane.

Nothing heavy as far as barking goes, but I’m sure that’ll change when I get back on days.

I don’t think I’m going to lose more weight from the looks of it. I stopped losing a while back. I could continue on if I ate under 1000 calories day after day, week after week, but I just can’t do that. Or I don’t want to lose more weight bad enough to be that hungry. So I guess I’m going to remain 22 pounds overweight at 132 pounds. This is pretty much as low as I’ve been able to go for the last 6 years or so.

I returned to running in quick segments, rather than all together. This way I don’t get all sweaty and it’s easier on my joints.

My God, how did this entry get to be so long?! About 3 pages of text. Guess I had to get the nightmare off my chest. As always, it feels good to vent.

Later…

And the eBay results are in! The doll only got the one bid, despite all the watchers. I’m pretty sure most of the watchers have dolls of their own they want to sell but want to watch others that are selling to see what price to set them at.

The shoes and 3 different toys we had up didn’t sell, but all the coins went as did the books. They’re going all over the country – New Hampshire, Georgia, Missouri, Washington, and then Glinda will get to stay in Cali. She’s going to a place called Acampo. It’s down in the Stockton area.

Earlier we put up the Emilie doll, plus a red beaded cocktail dress with red strappy heels. Almost instantly, the fashion got a bid! There are 2 watchers on the fashion and 4 on the doll which is already up to 25 views.

No more nightmares about the freeloaders. I realize that I’ll probably have scattered nightmares pertaining to them for the rest of my life as that’s the kind of thing that can really leave a person scarred, along with things like my childhood and what happened at the motel. Meanwhile, I know that had they actually planned to pull another fast one on me when I had the dream, they’d have already tried. A pig would’ve come by with some story or I’d have gotten a summons. Even if they did, though, I know not to acknowledge pigs and I know how to ignore a summons. As I learned the hard way, as long as I don’t play into the hands of sickos like these, the safer I’ll be. But it’s easy to walk into certain traps before you gain experience and knowledge enough to know better and that’s what happened to me. What you don’t know really can hurt you and people will gladly take advantage of it, too.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2009 Got a letter from Mary. It was very short and she didn’t say when her trial date was, but I guess it’s still on for March. All she basically had to say was to hang in there.

She’s right in that Tom is a HUGE blessing. He’s the only one who’s truly loved and accepted me as I am, but boy have we been anything but blessed for the most part. I have to laugh when I remember someone saying that “hopefully the happy newlyweds will be blessed” back in ’94.

Blessed? Blessed?! Yeah, God blessed us all alright. Financial problems, neighbor problems, sex problems, fertility problems, and of course we lost our home and two properties. The sex problems may’ve been a normal part of aging and the fertility problems turned out to be a good thing, but we were anything but blessed overall. And when I think of the future, I believe we’ll continue to struggle financially and that we’ll never have a home of our own. I used to wish and hope that we’d be compensated for all our tough times, but I’m still waiting and it hasn’t happened yet.

Tom, on the other hand, thinks that the economy going to hell is just as much of a favor for us in the end because housing prices have come down so far. He believes we’ll be able to buy a home in a retirement community when he’s 55 (he’ll be 52 in June). I hope he’s right, but like I said, it’s hard to keep up the faith after all the years of BS, know what I mean? I don’t mean to sound so sad and negative; I’m just going by our track record. He agrees that while there are no guarantees in life, things do look like they’re going to line up and fall into place nicely for us when he happens to be retirement community age, plus getting his $200 a month AMEX pension in a few years. Also, our credit will be sparkling clean by then. If an unexpected win came up before then or he unexpectedly got a damn good-paying job, we may buy rural land somewhere, but that’s not as likely. Besides, I think I may like a retirement community better. Okay, so they’d be tooth houses, as I call them, but there wouldn’t be sonic booms, gunshots, loose dogs, dogs left outside barking all the time, or screaming kids. As for whether or not we’ll get a bigger place to rent in the meantime is unknown. It’d have to be a hell of a deal because while I hate being cramped in here and would like an extra room, an extra half-bath, mail delivered to the house, regular trash service, a dishwasher, a washer/dryer hookup, and a cooler with a thermostat, I don’t want to trade in seclusion, barking and motorcycles for little to no privacy, 20 dogs instead of 2, then take back on the car stereos and wild kids, as well as utility bills. Here we only pay for propane, plus the phone and internet package. Lastly, the rent is lower than in most other places, though rents are dropping, too.

If I could somehow magically know – if I were that psychic – that yes, we’d be cramped in here for a few years, but would own a place of our own after that, man, I’d go ballistic with joy! I’d be crying such tears of happiness that I’d be practically blind for days. I wouldn’t sleep for days either cuz I’d be so excited. But in the end, there are no guarantees, like I said before. Maybe we’ll always be poor and renting old little dumps from others. Or maybe a meteorite will crash into our heads. Or maybe we really will “go home” someday. What state, if we do, is unknown. We may either stay in NorCal, drop down to the SoCal desert, or maybe even hit NV or Florida.

For now, I’m just glad we’re not as broke as we were in the motel and that things aren’t nearly as stressful. Man, had this happened then we’d be totally doomed! It’s scary to think just how many times we’ve barely skirted disaster. Like we’re being teased with our survival or something.

I said to Tom that I’d hate to not get another chance to do things right now that we’ve smartened up about money, and as he pointed out, we kind of did. We did, after all, quit spending before he got laid off, which helped get us through the times when his paychecks were less as they started cutting his hours.

Tom’s read contradicting reports on the extra $25 we’re supposed to get. One report says an extra $25 a week, and another says an extra $25 a month. So who knows which one it will be and when it will start?

As for the dogs, Tom said Jesse took off on the motorcycle around 10:00 and that they only barked for 5 minutes after he left, but that was it during the 4 hours he was gone. Gee, someone must’ve been asleep at that time! I know if I’d been up it would’ve been a lot more than just 5 minutes. I heard the 6:00 fit for a few minutes, but that was it since I didn’t get up till late in the afternoon.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2009 I got outbid on the horseshoe, so Tom used the credit toward a buy-it-now here in Cali selling a couple for a buck. The only problem is that Tom accidentally had it sent to Carmichael, not realizing our last two addresses were still in our account. He contacted the seller about it, so hopefully they haven’t shipped them yet.

In better eBay news, the doll has a bid! She and the books do, but nothing else yet. They’ve still got a few days to go so hopefully the other things will get bids and Glinda will get some competition with additional bids.

When I took some face shots of the dolls I was amazed at the clarity and just how good this camera is! So I went and deleted a bunch of old doll pictures from my files taken with old cameras and will re-shoot them soon with this one.

We’re both back to dieting after getting our fudge fix out of the way yesterday. He’s having nothing but Slim Fast shakes and is hungry as hell. And tired. I’m 132 pounds and have decided I’m going to make sure I get into the 120s, for once and for all, within a week.

My ear and teeth are bothering me today and I’m not any closer to being insured than I was months ago. I still don’t think I’m going to get insurance till I’m 65. Most jobs don’t offer insurance these days and the few that still do want a fortune for it. The only good news is that Tom’s research says they’ll extend the unemployment till January of next year. He doesn’t think it’s remotely possible that he’d not be able to get work by then. We’d have to be beyond cursed or this country would really have to go to hell for that to happen, that’s for sure! I just hope the horseshoes, assuming we get them, helps bring us some luck. The one in Oregon sure seemed to.

To my surprise, there were only two quick barking sprees today. I was surprised because it was the sunniest it’s been in days. It got up to 80º in here. I thought Jesse would want to roar out on the motorcycle the first chance he got, but we never even heard that today. He was out for a while at 6:00 (to bring his kid home?) but that’s the only barking fit I heard. The other one was around 10:00 before I got up. Tom said it sounded further away and wasn’t sure if it was Jesse’s dogs.

I was thinking of my mother and how she brought up the subject of me working and didn’t admit to getting the letter I sent explaining my sleep disorder after I said I already did explain it in the letter and didn’t they get it? It was Dad who finally admitted they got it. What was she going to do, keep me thinking they never got it? It’s things like this that make me wary of keeping in touch. It also cancels out the occasional times I wish I was there to help out however I could. They have plenty of others who could help them anyway. Still, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing by keeping in touch. I guess I’ll just keep my letters to a minimum and I’ll let them do the calling, which I don’t expect to be very often. If she gets too judgmental or pushy I can always ignore her. Unless I’m stuck living with a pack of freeloaders who won’t let me ignore them, ignoring people I clash with has always worked for me. That’s why I’m still not in touch with Larry or Tammy.

I deleted the ‘Random Ramblings’ journal on Kiwi. I decided to just use Kiwi as a place to back up stuff rather than for day-to-day journaling. I can usually put 50 pages worth of text in one entry, so every 50 pages I accumulate in my word processor, I’ll throw in as an entry. So about every 6 weeks, I’ll do an entry. The thing is I’m just not into the social scene lately and would prefer to do my day-to-day journaling at MD which isn’t a social site. So I’ll just use Kiwi as a backup and for other fun stuff. I still love all the colors and the fun games there. And the prizes, of course.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2009 Just one outburst from the dogs around 5:00, but nothing else because it’s been raining like crazy the last few days, keeping it nice and quiet for the most part. I think Jesse’s being home helps, too. Like I said, it’s gotten to the point where as long as he’s not home, those dogs will never stop barking. They’d bark round the clock day after day if he took off for days (I’d kill them for damn sure!). I really hope they won’t be so bad when the weather warms up, but if they are, I hope we’ll have the stop-barking device in place by then.

Jessie sent a message. She’s just as pissed at the way this country continues to let all the fucking foreigners come over and hog all the jobs. Just be glad you still have your job, I told her, and a home of your own.

I think it’s rained more in the last couple of months than in all the time since I’ve been out west! As soon as the sun set, the frogs were croaking up a storm.

I got some perfume samples in the mail today, a coupon for a free bottle of Dr. Pepper, which is so-so, and the mind-teaser cube and CD I expected from Kiwi. They also enclosed a bar of soap that smells like lavender which was nice of them. Lastly, a couple of cards that I can fill out my username on and give to people for them to sign up. If they do, I get 200 extra points. Well, I don’t know anyone to give them to, so perhaps I’ll stuff them in no-postage-necessary envelopes!

I dropped 5 pounds in 3 days but took the day off today. I’m stuffed right now. Not a feeling I like much better than being hungry. I wish I could always be neither. Then losing weight would be a cinch!

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2009 The Glinda doll has 9 watchers and it’s hard to believe that at least one of them isn’t seriously considering bidding, but we’ll see. This is a lot more watchers than the last dolls had, and much sooner, too.

I awoke at 134 pounds today and am aiming for 133 pounds tomorrow. That is if I can keep food out of my mouth for the rest of the day and night.

After a wonderfully bark-free day yesterday, the dogs have finally started back up. I’m just glad they waited till late afternoon as opposed to early morning and that they haven’t been going non-stop.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 2009 Yesterday turned out to be one of the worst barking days ever. It totally sucked! Jesse didn’t come back on the motorcycle till 4:00, so the dogs just took an unusually long break in between barking fits and it wasn’t a case of him returning while I had the headphones on. They don’t normally go more than 10-15 minutes without barking, but because they’d already been at it for hours they were probably tired.

He actually roared back around 4:00, then turned around and left in the truck and we had to deal with yet another barking spree, this one for 4 hours! So we ended up having to listen to this shit on and off for 12 hours! I almost felt like we were back in the city again. We didn’t have to listen to stereos, slamming doors or screaming kids, but the only way I could stand it was to drown them out with the sound machine or blasting music. There was no hope of getting the peace and quiet we came here for till he finally came back for good and by then I was almost ready to crash.

I called up there a couple of times just to make sure no one was home as we suspected and that they weren’t just sitting around and letting them go crazy, but no, no one was home.

I wish he’d get a roommate that was always home! Better yet I wish he’d come down here! I’d really like to have a word with him about this shit. It’s weird that after spending 4 months hoping he wouldn’t come down and bug me or wake me up, I’m now wishing he would come down here. And it’s also weird that except for Kim, I spent so many years living for the moment when our neighbors would take off, and now it’s the other way around. I dread it when he leaves!

Today it’s been quiet so far, but I can’t deal with this shit much longer. If I don’t lose it first and kill them, then we need to either let him know what’s going on or hope to have an extra $80 real soon to get that anti-barking device. I had told Tom I was worried that the device wouldn’t work, but he said that if it can detect barking down here, then the dogs could hear the frequency it puts out up there, which I guess is something that’s supposed to annoy them as much as fingernails scraping against a chalkboard annoys people.

I swear, though, you can run, but you can’t hide from the barking if you live in the West! Or if you’re Tom & Jodi S.

Tom removed the chicken wire I had wrapped around the rat’s cage. They’re definitely too big to get out of it, so there was no point in keeping it there and having its ends poke me and snag my clothes.

I had $1.75 in auction credit that I won many months ago, and so I bid $1.50 on an old used horseshoe to put above the door for good luck. The one we had in Oregon sure kept us from disaster. It didn’t keep us from being annoyed with all the noise in the area, but it kept bad things from happening, so hopefully I’ll win this one and it will keep us safe. It still has a few days to go.

We’re also listing 9 things today. A basic Tonner doll, a board game, a Superman action figure, a trio of books by the same author, some coins, a talking interactive figure from the Ice Age movie, a pair of shoes, and something else I’m forgetting. If this Tonner doll sells – and I can’t believe it wouldn’t at just $29, lousy economy or not – then we’ll list about 6 others.

Yesterday I only had a 60-calorie yogurt and one TV dinner. I had Marie Callender’s beef tips, potatoes and green beans that was on sale. Not eating for so long really makes your food seem tastier. Even the green beans were good!

Today I got up at 9:00, had yogurt at 2:00, and will have my one and only meal of the day at 6:00 which will be chicken nuggets. Knowing I have that to look forward to helps.

I dropped back down two pounds to 135 pounds, and hope to be 133 tomorrow. Maybe I’ll do this for a few days each week. I haven’t decided yet. I just want to get into the 120s once and for all!

The stimulus plan they just passed says we’re going to be getting an extra $25 a week, but who knows when it’ll actually kick in?

Later…

I’m listening to quite a frogfest going on out there right now. If only I could see dogs the way I see frogs! The frogs croaking up a storm isn’t the least bit annoying to me. Today we were compensated for yesterday’s barking, though, so that’s nice. I never heard a single bark all day. I wish it could be like this every day!

We ended up with 9 listings on eBay, 3 of which are coins. We couldn’t list the watch just yet because it needs a battery, but we’ve listed the doll (Glinda), the action figure, the Ice Age toy, the board game, a trilogy of books, and the shoes. In less than 3 hours the doll had 4 watchers, but we’ve learned not to get our hopes up by watchers. Nothing matters unless someone actually makes a bid!

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2009 The pain is gone. That’s the pain I sometimes get for a few days in my lower right side. I still don’t know if it’s some sort of cyst on my ovary that flares up every so often, or if it’s the start of a UT infection. All I know is that cranberry juice helps it and that’s what you’re supposed to drink when a UT infection comes on. If it’s that, though, then why does it always occur about 10 days after my period?

I not only got cran-strawberry juice yesterday at the store but also pineapple soda, something I’ve never had before.

I’ve been up for 7 hours and haven’t eaten yet. I’m trying to go all day without eating because I slacked off my diet and gained a pound a day for 6 days. This means I’m 137 pounds. Yikes!

The dogs didn’t end up being too bad yesterday. Just a couple of quick barking sprees. Today, however, was awful. Jesse obviously left in the truck and they went on a two-hour barking spree at that point. Then he came back and went out on the motorcycle. They barked right after he left, but he must’ve returned rather fast and while I had the headphones on because the barking didn’t go on much after that.

If only – if only – these dogs didn’t exist! The place would be dead quiet all the time if only someone would shoot the fuckers! Then again, I’d rather get the stop-barking thing as soon as we can afford it because if someone killed these dogs, he’d just go out and get two more to throw outside all the time. He doesn’t care about those around him, only that his place is “protected.” I just worry that the de-barker won’t work well or at all.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2009 Fortunately, Jesse hasn’t left yet today, so it’s still quiet. Someone must’ve come to see him earlier, though, cuz there were fresh tracks in the mud at the start of the drive that we could see when we went out earlier.

When I awoke at 6:00, I reached over, turned the sound machine off, and could clearly hear that it was raining. Then as it started getting light, I could then clearly see that the rain had turned to snow! Not funny. Not funny at all. Tom sure thought it was, though. It was coming down pretty hard too, in big fat flakes. We got a half-inch or so, maybe less. Fortunately, though, the dusting didn’t last long.

I took some pictures for my folks and Mary, plus some other ones later on after the snow melted. Fire season was already in and so the mountainside was brown when I took the first set of pictures shortly after we moved here, and so I wanted “winter pics” with the grassy areas all green and the leaves thinned, allowing for a better view of the far-off distance.

Sure enough, Jesse just left so now the dogs will be barking for who knows how many hours.

We picked up the mail, then went to the drug store for some incense. They have roll-on oil perfumes for $6 that are awesome, but I didn’t get any of those. We’re too broke to get too many unnecessary things.

Yahoo radio is back to limiting the monthly usage so now I’m experimenting with AOL’s radio. I love and hate it. I hate being only able to skip songs 5 times per hour per station, and I hate the commercials, but it’s opened me up to a whole new variety of music. The custom radio stations like what I used to have with Yahoo can really be limited as far as what they play.

I decided not to bother with a dream journal. A lot of the dreams are just too vague or too complicated to put into words very well, and by the time I’m awake enough to write, I can no longer remember much anyway.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2009 I spoke to my folks this afternoon with the dogs going on and off in the background. They said they couldn’t hear the static that would intermittently come on the line.

Although both of them were on the line, Dad did most of the talking. Unless I’m reading her incorrectly, I sensed a hesitancy, even something else – anger? Resentment? – coming from my mother.

We talked about the weather, the economy, and things like that. Dad has to have cataract surgery soon. They spend most of the week going to doctors and the weekend at the store.

They just have one poodle now and no other animals. Everyone is well, they also say.

They commented on the pictures, and at one point Mom suggested I find work. I said, “I thought I explained in my last letter why that’s not so easy.” At first I wondered if maybe they didn’t get the letter I sent explaining it to them, but Dad said they did, even though Mom asked me to explain. At first I thought to myself, “Explain? I don’t think so! I don’t owe anyone any explanations. I am who I am and I know what’s going on with me and Tom knows too, and that’s all that matters.” But then I said, “Aw, give her a break. This is something that’s hard to comprehend without having experienced it firsthand. Even you wouldn’t get it if you didn’t have it and someone else was trying to explain it to you. It’s complicated.”

And so I sent a copy of an online article to them, along with some rat/mice pics. This is the best I can do, though, so if they still don’t get it – sorry! I tried.

Yesterday and the day before the dogs were wonderfully quiet. Never heard a thing. Yet when Tom was out combing through the shed he said he was almost sure they had been indoors because it sounded like they were running all of a sudden right before they started barking, as if Jesse let them out and then they ran to the edge of the hill when they heard him rummaging around. Whatever the case may be, they drove me crazy barking on and off for about 5 hours.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2009 Another strange Stacey coincidence. Her picture is gone from the property management site. Hmmm…interesting. Could this be because of me? As was the case with disappearing from Facebook, this is a bit extreme, isn’t it? Could my message have gotten her in trouble or freaked her out that bad? I can’t believe I could be that scary any more than I can believe it got her in trouble, but I’ll never know. It’s still weird, alright.

I’m enjoying the last few hours of my Yahoo customized radio station which is going away. All good things really do come to an end. It’s kind of sad. Like losing an old friend. But my new “sweeping friend,” since I mostly have the radio on when I’m sweeping, will be a commercial-riddled, limited-skip radio that CBS will own until and if we ever have $13 a month for Rhapsody.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2009 Bianca at Kiwi was nice enough to let me know that they’d send another mind teaser cube (better packaged this time), my CD, plus a little something extra for being patient. This is nice to know. I’d hate to have had nearly 15,000 points wasted.

As for our eBay plans, we’re going to list everything we think could possibly sell on eBay towards the end of next week after he’s had a chance to go through the crap in the shed. We agree that calling stores about the Tonners probably wouldn’t be a good idea with the economy being the way it is, so we’re going to list them as basics or nudes and then maybe list the outfits separately in case the outfits are the reason Tyler and Angelina didn’t sell.

I still worry that whatever’s up there that doesn’t want us having extra money isn’t going to let this new Tonner plan succeed, but we’ll see. The Apple keyboard sold for more than we expected. We expected $20, not $42. It’s on its way to D.C.

We have a new plan for the dogs, too. All was nice and peaceful till he zoomed out around 2:00, then sure enough, they barked in spurts till he came back. I don’t know exactly when that was since I crashed before he returned, but it couldn’t have been before 4:00.

I’m thinking it’s the puppy grown up to be no good, so to speak. When we first got here, one of the dogs was just a puppy. The last tenant’s shit probably prompted him to get another dog for security purposes. They didn’t just steal his motorcycle, they broke into his house and stole his gun.

Different dogs have different personalities, of course, and some bark more than others. Sure enough, and just as our shit luck would have it, the puppy obviously turned out to be quite a barker as clearly one of them is way worse than the other, and this didn’t start till a few months ago. So no, it’s not a case of which vehicle he leaves in. All he has to do is just leave, period, and off they go.

It used to be that one of those devices that emits a high-pitched sound that annoys dogs when they bark and shuts them up could only be used if there was nothing between you and the dogs. It had to be a straight shot with no trees or hills in the way. And you had to run outside with the remote every time they started barking to work the device manually.

Yesterday, however, Tom found a device that you mount outdoors, and as long as you’re within a certain distance, it doesn’t matter what’s in the way. As long as the device can hear the barking, the dogs can hear the frequency being put out. And you no longer need to run outside to operate it because now it has an automatic setting.

I thought we’d be too far and that the dogs were around 250’ away but when Tom checked, it looks more like it’s 150’ away. No wonder the fucking things are so obnoxious! At least to me, they are anyway. Tom’s more used to it having grown up in the west where it’s customary to throw your dogs outside 24/7. You really have to get up into the 400s footage-wise, if you’re like me, for it not to be so annoying.

The catch is that it’s $80 and it could be months before we have extra money. At first I insisted that Jesse should be the one to pay for it. After all, it’s his dogs we’re disciplining. But that’s just the problem. He wouldn’t want them disciplined. Remember? Their job is to protect the place (even though the likelihood of anyone coming by with bad intentions is next to nil) and to hell with anyone who may have to be stuck having to deal with all the racket.

So as long as whatever’s been cursing me with barking since 1992 doesn’t interfere, this looks pretty promising. We’d just have to keep it a secret and foot the expense ourselves. It may be worth it, though, in case we ever do decide to get our own dog someday. And we just might if all the rats in this state are going to suck. Also, if we get through this economy shit somehow, this isn’t the last place we’ll ever live where barking is an issue. Even if we end up in a retirement community, it’d be just our luck to end up next to someone who leaves their dogs outdoors at least a few hours each day like that nut at the duplex did, and I’m sure the front runners of the community wouldn’t do much about it other than maybe mention it to them. What could they do? Demand that they sell their house and get the hell out if they won’t get rid of the dog? All a retirement community would do would be to give us the convenience of city life without most of the city noise. We’d have regular trash and mail service and hopefully a place that was bigger and more modern. But car stereos and wild kids shouldn’t be an issue, and I would doubt they’d leave dogs outdoors around the clock. Car doors might be a bit annoying, depending on how often they have company.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2009 Live the life you want, not the life you have. That’s no doubt what my folks wish they could do, but for different reasons than we wish we could. Dad had another heart attack! I received a letter yesterday from him. He said he was on his way to their flag store when he was hit with massive pain. He called Mom and she took him to the ER. He had to spend time in the hospital as they inserted a stent to open his arteries. The good news is that he’s now pain-free and feeling good. Still, he says the golden years “ain’t what they used to be.” Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m dreading growing old myself!

Thank God he didn’t get into an accident. I guess he pulled over when the pain hit and called Mom on a cell phone.

I was kind of surprised to learn they still have the store and haven’t been online in years because they didn’t use it enough and were tired of dealing with spam. They said the store keeps them active and that they’d retire when they can afford to. I can see where the store would keep them busy and fill their time. If you enjoy something, why not do it whether you can afford to quit or not, right?

They said I didn’t give them our number yet and that we could call them collect. As I told them, I wouldn’t call collect unless it was the emergency I hope we never face again. Besides, I thought they had a block on that. I’ll just try them directly from the landline after they’ve had time to read the letter I just wrote in which I also included pictures now that I know they can’t see them at Webshots (it was nice not to have to worry about size and quantity like I have to with Mary). I wanted to write first so we’d be more caught up on what’s going on with each other in advance so we wouldn’t have to spend as much time catching up the more expensive way. I told them the cell can’t be used indoors and that the landline has static at times, but that I’d call directly from that. I also let them know we usually keep the ringers off and that the landline has no voicemail, but they could leave messages on the cell.

He asked what the weather was like and said he hoped things were better for us, but as I had to tell him, Tom was still on unemployment and I was still dreaming of a legit home job that didn’t cost anything or require a schedule. I told them we had pawned and sold some things.

Sometimes I wish we could be there to cook and clean for them. My schedule, as I told them, would only permit me to help out at certain times, but Tom could be available when I couldn’t be, and he could drive them around when they got to the point where they couldn’t drive. I just wish I could help them like they helped us. But while we could certainly help out, we couldn’t work for them because they wouldn’t be able to afford to pay him and so he’d have to get work elsewhere. I still wouldn’t want to be in the mainstream while we were too young for a retirement community, and it would cost thousands of dollars to get there in the first place. We’d need internet access right away and a place to stay that wasn’t attached to anyone else that would allow rats. So it’s not an option, and I’m not sure Tom would like it there cuz of the humidity. I don’t like humidity either, but it’s got its good points, too. It sure is good for the skin and hair.

I got one of those sippy cups for kids so I can drink water while running.

Heard a couple of quick barking sprees yesterday and one today. It hit me that the people have to be able to hear the dogs that live on the other side of him because the dogs are at the side of his house. When I checked the satellite again, I saw that yes, they’d be clearly audible where they’re at.

If ever there was such a thing as a rat with an eating disorder, we got one!

I’m pissed off at Kiwi yet again. This one’s not their fault. Well, not totally. The mind teaser cube fell out of the envelope they mailed it in somewhere along the way. There was a tear in the middle of the envelope when we received it. But why they didn’t mail the damn thing in a bubble-lined envelope beats me. So now even more points have been wasted!

Tom just came in to say that something’s been stressing him out and upsetting his belly and he thinks it’s the idea of talking to Jesse about the dogs and the flooring. He thinks Jesse thought I was saying we’d give it to him. Like I told Tom, though, that’s definitely not the case. I made it clear to him that we wanted a discount on the rent if he was interested, and he agreed that if he was, we could discuss a discount.

As for the dogs, I agree that Jesse’s the sensitive type, like most guys. I can sense it and he can too, just from talking to him. But why should I sit and suffer the annoyance the dogs bring when they go off just because one’s sensitive and the other’s paranoid? “Well, you did go to jail once,” Tom pointed out, but as I myself pointed out, that was a totally different situation. This isn’t a pack of lazy freeloaders in a state that favors them. This is an individual we know. And sooner or later the economy is going to get better and Jesse’s going to return to work full-time in which case the barking will be a regular problem. Tom said he wanted to first concentrate on getting to where we didn’t have to pay some of the rent late and risk him hassling us if we brought up the dogs before then.

So I put my foot down and said that he could do what he wants as far as the flooring is concerned, but just as soon as we get caught up (if we live to get to that point) I’m either going to slip him a note like I should’ve months ago, or mention it to him if he comes down beforehand. I’m sick of giving in to him and dealing with noisy neighbors or their noisy dogs! It’s like he worries more about their sensitivity than my being annoyed. So he agreed this was an okay compromise. It better be okay cuz I’m not putting it off forever, and if we survive this shit long enough for him to get a job, I don’t think we’ll be able to move. Most rentals are outrageous and I still don’t know that I’d want to move even if we could afford it because most places are noisier than this. Yet it’s been noisy enough ever since late October or early November whenever Jesse’s taken off. I don’t think even the most sensitive of people would have a problem with the way I worded the letter I wanted to give him, and if they did, then they have a serious problem and they’re definitely not someone I’d want to live with or rent a place from. Also, and as I told Tom, we can’t let past experiences hold us back. If we suffer in silence, too afraid to speak up, then we let the blacks and Mexicans win. Well, I think they’ve won enough!

I want the peace we came here for. And I want it each and every day. Not just some days like has been the case for the last 4 months or so. I don’t mind a few barks a couple of times a day like we’ve had the last couple of days. But I’m sick of the 10-minute to 2-hour barking sprees that occur several times a day on the days that Jesse’s not around! No one should have to live with it either. Especially people out in the country. The reason we came here was to escape the city noise, so to have to sit and listen to dogs bark really defeats the whole purpose of coming out here. We escaped the car stereos, the slamming car doors, the screaming kids, and we were supposed to have escaped the barking dogs, too.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2009 I saw this headline saying that forgiveness is good for the heart. LOL, I think I’ll keep the “bad” heart where some are concerned! Everybody has somebody they can’t forgive anyway. Andy can’t forgive me for a tape I know nothing about, I can’t forgive the queen bee down in Arizona for leaving us to survive or not to survive when we lost our land in Oregon, and I’m sure a certain little mooching off-brand could never forgive me for “stalking” her. Life is all about meeting people, dumping some, drifting from some, and then staying connected with some.

I ended up giving the peanuts to the rats. They hurt my teeth too much. What am I going to do when I’m not able to eat anything at all? I guess I’ll really lose more weight for sure! The peanuts were free and they are lousy diet food anyway, so it’s no big loss.

I think for now I’m going to just stick to running one mile a day which takes about 20 minutes at the pace I’m currently at. It may even be closer to a mile and a half. I added other exercises to the routine for my abs and arms.

I wish Tom would get a job! How many more months of this shit are we going to have to go through??? And how many more years do I have to wait for insurance??? I’m sick of him being here all the time, too. We get along fine as always, but he’s always here. When I’m up when he’s asleep I can get some alone time that way. It’s not that he smothers me or doesn’t give me any space. I just like having the place to myself at times, especially when I’m cleaning or redecorating. If only that damn program of his could’ve worked out better! That, or him retiring, would’ve made his being home all the time worth it. But currently, the program would take us a few years to get to where it could be our only job and we could afford insurance, not the few months he was hoping for. Whether or not it can be speeded up is unknown at this time. I still say we aren’t meant to have money. Period. And if we were, we’d have it by now.

I miss bits and pieces of my old life at times from both Oregon and Arizona when things were less stressful. I used to wake up each day and wonder, what will I win today? What surprises may come in the mail? And money and security weren’t such an issue. But now I get up and ask myself, what will go wrong today? Or what will we not be able to accomplish due to circumstances out of our control? What will get delayed?

Will we have a home and food to eat come March?

In last night’s dream, we were in what appeared to be a hotel rather than a motel because you had to get to the room from inside the building. The people next to us were noisy. I was worried about money. The only twist this time around was that we were having our mail delivered there. A guy handed us a piece of mail through a slot. I guess it was an invoice for a magazine I never ordered.

Maybe I should start a dream journal on Kiwi. I’ll start it on my word processor like with everything else but will post them there because Kiwi, unlike MD, lets me create multiple journals and this also serves as another backup besides Yahoo. Once I get a batch of dreams accumulated, maybe I’ll include them in my entries every so often on MD.

Speaking of Kiwi, they’re pissing me off again, saying they have no record of me putting in for another CD. So there goes another 10,700 points wasted. Them and their damn problems!

It’s cold and rainy again. Where we weren’t needing heat from around 10 AM to sometime after midnight, we’re back to needing it round the clock.

As for the dogs, I was up past noon yesterday, so of course they were noisy. Jesse took off right before 11:30 as he often does, but I had crashed before he got back which seems to usually be between 1:00-3:00. Will there ever be a place where Tom and Jodi don’t have to listen to other people’s dogs??? I made Tom promise to call Jesse on Monday about that and the flooring. I said, “Notice how there have been all kinds of delays with that now? Instead of bumping up our little chat because of this or because of that, let’s get it over with.”

Of course, it’s not his fault that he wasn’t home when he tried calling on Thursday when we paid the rest of the rent.

He said he would, but also that he thought about that and isn’t sure he can move them behind the house because of the people on the other side complaining about all the barking. I don’t remember this discussion, though he insists I was standing right there, but even if that’s the case, what does this mean? That we’ve got to be the ones to deal with the barking instead? I don’t think so! If he won’t do anything about it, then we’ll have to move yet again if we can ever afford to do so. If I gotta hear this shit anyway, I’d rather hear it in a 1000-square-foot place as opposed to 500.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2009 Once again I’m dumping Donna. Maybe I should take my own advice about not forgiving people. After all, I did stop talking to her for a reason. We didn’t just drift apart.

In one of her messages with the usual slew of misspelled words and lousy grammar, she got upset over my referring to her as being a “paranoid bitch” at the Vista a few entries ago. Why publish something so harsh? she asked, and what do I mean I dumped her? She said she’d give me a chance to explain before she deleted me (how kind).

She’s going to delete me? Ouch, that hurts! LOL

Does she really not remember any of what happened? And does she not realize I haven’t used her last name and that no one she knows can read it unless she has them do so? If she considers being called a paranoid bitch harsh, then she must not have read much of my diary (as in a certain little hate-wielding freeloader who came to tear my life and my husband’s apart for 7 years along with those that helped her). What I called her is nothing in comparison! This is exactly why I have a disclaimer about not reading my damn diary in the first place if you’re the sensitive type.

I got to reflecting on her defensive and yes – paranoid – reaction to my diary, and that’s when I decided I’m not going to bother with this emotional nut. Or any others like her. I thought by now she’d have changed, but obviously she’s still the unstable, insecure person I remember her to be. The red flag went up as soon as she told me she lied about her age, playing it down from 45 to 43. Anyone who can be dishonest in this sort of way is no one I should associate with, even if it’s at a distance and online. If she can lie about her age, she can lie about anything. I don’t know why I bothered in the first place to contact her. Guess I was just having a moment of boredom that night.

No wonder she can’t get a guy. Between her personality and the fact that she’s aging and is so heavy, it’s no wonder. I can see where she’d be good working with the elderly, but she’s still always, always pissed off at someone and taking things too seriously or all wrong. One minute she’s kind and compassionate, the next she’s 1 taco short of a #4 combo.

I have enough shit going on in life right now more important than a basket case like her, so as I told her, delete me, ignore me, dump me, diss me, cut me loose, do whatever you want.

Aside from what’s got to be the shortest-lasting reunion of my life, the dolls didn’t sell. I’m so bummed too, and it really convinces me all the more that something up there is trying to hold us back financially. It doesn’t want us having any cushion or comfort of any kind! I can’t believe that all those people just wanted to sit back and watch!

Now we have to decide whether or not we can find someplace in person to take them or if we should lower the price even more. I know the economy is part of the problem and that people on eBay want you to practically give away your items before they’ll consider buying them, but I’m just so sick of this third-world bullshit! We may not live in a flooded hut with no electricity, but things are rough enough and there seems to be absolutely no end in sight! The thought of another 30-40 years of struggling just makes me want to drop dead right now right here on the spot!

Every day lately it seems that either nothing good happens or something bad happens. When is this cycle going to end???

We gave Jesse the rest of the rent yesterday, but Tom has yet to talk to him about the flooring and dogs because he wasn’t home. The dogs have been quieter lately, but only because Jesse’s been home more and I’ve been on nights. I’m rolling onto days now so things will change with that, and of course, if Jesse doesn’t do anything about them when he returns to work full-time, it will be noisy here during the daytime and we just may move.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2009 The 120s are within my reach now! I can just barely reach out and brush the 9 in the number 129, and soon I will be there! I only ran 20 minutes today for the sake of my joints, but am doing good calorie-wise. Had around 1000 in the last few days. I think that hunger spell I had a while back was brought on by getting carried away right before that. When we binge we stretch our tummies out.

My bottom back molar is really bothering me now. How many more months before I can get to a dentist???

I forgot to say that I got an email from that lawyer review site saying that it could take up to 48 hours for my review to appear. Oh, and of course they won’t post anything that seems like a personal attack or that’s from an actual client.

In other words, they don’t want to hear the truth about Paul any more than the Bar Associate did.

No bids yet on the dolls which kinda sucks since the auction’s only got 11 more hours to go. Angelina’s got 5 watchers and 55 views, but still only 1 watcher and 40 views for Tyler. The watchers give me a little hope that at least Angelina will sell.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2009 The dogs have been quiet for the last few days. Why should I be surprised? I’ve been sleeping during the daytime so of course they’ve been quiet!

Let’s see, I swapped a couple of messages with Donna, got accepted as Gloria’s friend, and finally made it down to 131 pounds.

The dolls still have no bids, but Angelina’s back up to 5 watchers so she should sell, but I don’t know about Tyler.

We’ll be getting about $25 in free food and drink tomorrow with the round of coupons I won. Crackers, peanuts, cheese, juice, that sort of thing.

New possibilities have passed through my mind where the blacks were concerned. Maybe the pig didn’t type the threatening letter after all. Maybe someone else sent it to them and they automatically assumed it was me.

Could be. Anything is possible. Maybe the sickos themselves typed and sent it. We’ll never know what really happened. Just that what they did can never be undone. Or forgiven.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2009 I’ve had a busy night between entering sweeps, being hit on at MySpace by a surprisingly feminine 19-year-old named Kylie who says she’s into older women, plus the other things I usually do around here.

I swapped messages with Donna, but only once as she was pissed at her daughter’s father and not in a great mood.

Today I’m as mysteriously not hungry as I was mysteriously hungry a few days ago. Where I couldn’t stop eating that day, I’ve hardly eaten a thing today and may be breaking another record soon of 131 pounds. I haven’t been that low in like two years!

I was all set to run for 30 minutes but had to stop after just 18 because my knees were irritated. Tom said I advanced from 20 minutes to 30 too fast. Yeah, I probably did.

Running when it’s hot isn’t always so fun either, but it’s nice to be able to complain about the heat again instead of cold, snow and ice.

We both checked out my dad’s case back in 1989 and agree that it seems he got screwed over by some insurance company as it was for an outstanding medical bill. Well, they were pretty loaded at the time from what I heard, so that’s why it was probably an insurance company that jerked him around.

That people-info site is just so cool, and being curious as a rodent (yes, knowledge is fun! LOL), I ran my old music teacher’s name from high school. He was my favorite teacher of all time and one of the very, very few guys I was ever attracted to, but another student won his heart instead. That’s okay. I was more than compensated for that one about 13 years and 3000 miles later. Besides, my desire for kids didn’t last very long.

Meanwhile, I don’t know if the email addy I found on him is current, but I did send a quick hello. I even gave him my diary link.

Although I haven’t been as stressed the last couple of days, I still have to wonder how many more weeks till Tom can get a job. How many more months till I can see a dentist? And how many more fucking years will we struggle? Argh! Life is frustrating at times.

We both agree that kissing up to the queen by sending a quick note saying hi as if nothing ever happened wouldn’t be a good thing. Not only would she be just as stingy dead as she is alive by not leaving us any money, but some people’s deeds really are unforgivable. Period.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2009 Oh, the information one can find on the World Wide Web! It appears that back in ’89 my poor dad was a defendant in a case involving a heart doctor. Hmmm… It may be none of my business but I can’t help but wonder what it was about. Well, I’m not going to ask, not that I would expect a straight answer anyway, so I’ll never know.

I found something a lot more interesting on MySpace. Some celebs have pages there. Kate doesn’t, but Gloria does. As kind of a joke, I sent a friend request. It’s hard to believe she’d accept one from a total stranger, but maybe that’s the whole point. It’s probably not her that actually accepts them, but a team of secretaries or something. But how does MySpace know the person’s really that celeb and not just anyone making it look like they are? Her last login was on January 26th.

I kept the message brief which I included in my request. It goes like this:

Hi Gloria! My name is Jodi. I have been a fan of yours for over 20 years and you have even motivated me to learn a lot of Spanish! Amigas?

Of course I couldn’t put the upside-down question mark in front of ‘amigas’, and I kindly neglected to add that she looks almost as bad as I do these days, and has put out nothing but shitty albums for over a decade now. Aren’t I sweet?

Anyway, this would’ve been so exciting back when I was really into her. Now it’s just something to do. I wasn’t kidding when I said nothing much excites me anymore.

Here’s something even more interesting. I found Donna from the Vista Ventana apartments. I got to randomly searching for whatever name went through my mind at that cool site. It’s just really neat and I’m curious by nature. Maybe not excited, but definitely curious. If Stacey’s eating mocha ice cream right now, I want to know about it. And if Ellie still thinks the FBI puts petroleum jelly in her vents, I want to know that, too!

I met Donna at the pool and we’d often chat while I tried hopelessly to get a tan. My gayness made her a bit uncomfortable and that in turn made me uncomfortable. Although Donna did admit to being attracted to a woman once, I learned quickly that Arizona was not nearly as accepting of gays as Massachusetts. Nonetheless, we started off having pleasant conversations. She was from Texas, married, no kids. She was tall, dark and good looking so of course I was attracted to her, but I wasn’t about to get into it with a married woman and was too screwed up at the time for more than just fooling around anyway. So things went well at first and she even teamed up with a couple of other “pool pals” to get me groceries back when they were still fucking around with my benefits as I had just gotten there. It was the summer of ’92. She was Hispanic and we used to laugh at how I knew Spanish but she and her husband didn’t, although their parents did.

But then we started arguing and I got sick of her paranoia. I ended up dumping her, then later felt bad about it. I tried to talk to her the next time I saw her at the pool, but she went off on me and we basically cussed each other out and were through with each other. She wouldn’t forgive me for dumping her and I pretty much wrote her off as a paranoid bitch. It wasn’t just that. Other pool people were showing their true colors as well, coming between various people, and I was just tired of the whole childish charade. I read back on some of the journal excerpts from that time and I was really pissed at her, alright! LOL

Then time went on and I’d see her around the complex and while we became polite with each other and would say hi, we never resumed our friendship. She was like me; as sweet as honey when she wanted to be but a real bitch at times otherwise.

It’s actually easier to look for profiles on this site than it is on the social networks themselves. So when the name Donna B popped into mind, I did a search but came up empty. Knowing that most people get divorced, I tried her maiden name, Hood, and there she was. She looks good for her age but ugly overall cuz she’s fat and aging. She’s now living in El Mirage, divorced, getting into nursing, and with a daughter she appears to have had with a boyfriend, judging by her photos.

So I said what the hell, I’ll send a message. I asked if she lived at Vista in 1992, told her who I was, mentioned Andy who preferred to go by Mark at that time, and said that although she said she was okay with gays, she seemed a bit prejudiced back then. I added that I was actually bisexual and have been married to a wonderful man now for nearly 15 years and was currently living in NorCal. I gave her my journal link, too.

Sure enough, I received a surprised reply. She said she did remember me and Andy and couldn’t believe that I remembered her (I told her I had an impeccable memory). She admitted to being a little scared of me then as she felt I wanted more than just friendship, I was so pretty, she was not gay, and she was never prejudiced then or now. She remembered a ring I’d given her which I forgot about. It was a ring I never wore that I thought she would like. She also mentioned lying out at the pool, and didn’t I live in Idaho or somewhere cold?

I told her where I was from and that it was Angel and her husband who were the ones from Idaho.

She asked if I made dolls and said she just started collecting black vintage folk dolls. (yuck!) She said she’ll check out the dolls we’ve got listed on eBay in which Tyler finally has a watcher. Their views are evening out, too. Currently 22 for Tyler and 29 for Angelina, who still has 3 watchers.

Tom listed the Apple keyboard for just a buck since it has no number pad. It’s already got a bid and a watcher.

Although Donna’s 45 she has her age listed at 43. She says she’s also blunt and would do anything for anyone, but can also be a bitch. Yeah, I remember! LOL, but I can say the same for myself.

She asked if I had a MySpace cuz she wanted to add me as a friend and I told her I’d just sent her a friend request myself and was in fact a registered member. I think you have to be in order to send messages and things like that.

I’m back down to 132 pounds now that my period’s over, and today I ran two miles! Took me a half hour.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2009 Today I ran for 25 minutes but hey, this is California. That means it’s usually too hot to run for the hour I’d like to run for, but I’ll work my way up to it little by little. You know you worked out hard when you sweat between your fingers and around your eyes of all places! I hate that yucky, sweaty feeling, but otherwise, I feel great after a long workout and a shower. Definitely a shower!

We managed to “buy ourselves another month of life,” so to speak, and yes, Jesse was okay with us splitting the rent. The thing was that not only was it hard for Tom to get a word in edgewise as usual, but he rushed Tom off the phone cuz he was on his way out. The sound of the motorcycle a few minutes later confirmed this. So he never got to mention the flooring or the dogs, but that’s okay. He’ll try again in a few days when he goes to pay the rest of the rent. Jesse said it was okay, he understood that times are tough, and he didn’t want a late fee when Tom asked him about that. At first I chided Tom for asking and putting it into his head, but he said that this way he can’t change his mind if he talks to Maryann in between. He’s got a point there!

Anyway, while I’m still not sure of our future, I definitely feel more relaxed now than I did yesterday. I figured Jesse wouldn’t have a problem with us splitting the rent, as I said before, but hearing him say so himself made all the difference from just thinking he would say so.

So now Jesse knows for sure that we’re on unemployment, although I would think he was starting to put two and two together. It may be hard to see down here, but given the odd times Tom’s come and gone, and the fact that if you look real hard through the winter-thinned leaves you can see the car as long as it’s daytime, I’m sure it was getting pretty obvious.

If Tom doesn’t have a job by March I’m going to be getting really worried!

Jesse was gone for about 4 hours during which Tom said he only heard two quick barking spells, miraculously before I got up. I myself have been blessed with hearing absolutely nothing other than a few minutes of that dirt bike.

For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out how to post new threads on OLS, so I asked a friend of mine who’s also a member and they told me how. I wanted to start a thread about the dolls to see if it brought more traffic to them on eBay, but no-go. Angelina had 5 watchers, but now she’s down to just 3. I know the economy sucks, but I really expected more views than they’ve gotten so far. Angelina’s at 24 while Tyler’s at just 14.

Heard the renters’ dogs go off just now. One of them anyway. I can tell it’s about a few hundred feet in back too, so they’re definitely still keeping them tied up. Hope it lasts!

Through someone else’s thread, I found this really cool site. They left a link saying that you could find all kinds of information on people there, so I figured what the hell? And so I followed the link out of natural curiosity. I don’t know if I’d say it was “all kinds” of info, but it’s definitely got more than most. I don’t get why it makes so many people uncomfortable, though. As long as no one has your SS# there’s nothing anyone can really use against you. Most of the stuff found there was a matter of public information years before the internet ever existed, and a lot of it was put there by the person themselves, such as social networking profiles.

Anyway, I ran a few people’s names and what I found was amazing, but not surprising. We almost all have our brushes with the law at some point, as nobody’s perfect, so I wasn’t surprised to find some records, including my own. I couldn’t find detailed information on most of these types of things. You have to pay for it, and no one’s background has me that curious, so I couldn’t get the outcome on some of the cases.

Big bro, who I’d still describe as a hypocritical asshole with a great sense of humor, got busted for speeding in Ohio many years ago and lost his business in 2007 as if losing his son wasn’t enough 10 years before that.

No serious dirt on big sis, who had a profile on MySpace she hasn’t updated since December of 2007. I’m surprised she’d want to meet old classmates like she said on Facebook after the way they picked on her. I don’t remember her ever having any friends before she moved out of the house but we are 8 years apart so who knows for sure?

My folks were in small claims court for “damages less than $100” in 1991. I never heard about it, but I guess it was some other business against the business they once had. Don’t know the outcome, though.

I also found what might be a picture of Stacey. I saw her address and profile page on Facebook and Reunion, and also that she had been a bonded notary from 1992-1996 (my mother was a notary also but hasn’t renewed her license since 2007). From what I could tell, she’s worked at a few different management companies and may currently be a district manager at the site that had the picture. I’d be amazed if she really was still able to work in this business! So many people at the Vista had problems with her overstepping her boundaries. She’d give out people’s personal information, pit tenants against others, stick her nose where it didn’t belong, and so on and so forth. I swear all she had going for her was her looks, but I’ve certainly seen prettier!

Anyway, there were pictures of employees in their offices. I studied hers and overall it seems like it could be her, but I can’t say for sure. The site was copyrighted in 2003. She’d have been 34 then and that’s about how old the woman in the picture looks. Older than the 26 she was when I last knew her, but definitely not the 42 she is today. She’s aging pretty well, I must admit. If it’s her, she was still slim when the picture was taken and didn’t appear to have any gray hair yet. She had it styled like she had it when I knew her; shoulder-length, side-parted. When I tried to enlarge the picture it became too blocky to see any real detail to positively identify her, not that it really matters.

Of course I couldn’t resist sending her a message just to say “hello” in case it is her. If it is, who knows if she’s still there what with the way the economy is? Or with all the trouble she causes, which could be why she hops from management company to management company.

Lastly, since it was free and legal, I decided it was high time I left a review of the wonderful so-called public defender I had years ago. I got to be amazed yet again when I saw that there were no previous complaints against this shyster, but then again, when you try to lodge a complaint and no one will let you, this doesn’t mean others haven’t tried, and most people may not know about this site. I didn’t until I stumbled upon it earlier. My review went like this:

Paul K withheld all kinds of information that could’ve prevented me from a 2000 conviction. He also lied to me and told me I would receive just a few months of probation when in fact I ended up receiving a 3-year sentence, 6 months of which had to be spent in jail. I was also tricked and manipulated into thinking I was being charged for sending old neighbors journals of mine that had nothing nice to say about them, when in fact I was really being charged for a threatening letter I never sent. There was also stuff I’d never seen until minutes before sentencing. This is because the “victim” was personal friends with the cop involved, both of whom admitted to being prejudiced against Jews (yes, I am Jewish). This cop typed the letter himself, and thrust it into my hands during interrogation to get my prints on it, thus using it as a weapon against me for lodging a city complaint against the old neighbors for noise/vandalism, and as a way to legally lash out at a Jew. Sending the journals may not have been the smartest thing to do, but nonetheless, my rights to free speech were grossly violated.

My being naïve to the law was clearly taken advantage of by a person who worked for the state, the very being against me. By the time I learned that he had to have known what I was really charged with and that I didn’t understand a fraction of what was really going on, and that he had to have known I wasn’t going to get just a few months of probation, it was too late. My husband tried to lodge a complaint on my behalf with the bar, but sadly enough, and just like within police departments, they usually protect their own. This means that no one would even listen.

It shames me - even angers me - that such shady, deceptive con artists like Mr. K are allowed to practice law of any kind. I don’t think these kinds of people have any concept of the financial and emotional devastation their vindictiveness causes. What he and the others involved did, cost my husband and me thousands of dollars, half a year of time that can never be replaced, and a world of grief. I continued to be victimized afterward and finally had to leave the state. I still live in fear of these obsessed sickos hunting me down and trying to victimize me all over again. But I’m smarter now and determined not to let that happen. Meanwhile, Mr. K is very lucky that I wasn’t in a position to take the legal action necessary to see him disbarred.

Today I have an online journal. I don’t let the past scare me from exercising my right to free speech. You can see this at (I left the link to my diary) END

Okay, enough of those who screwed me over in the past! It sure felt good to get it out, though. Very therapeutic. Hey, what are journals for if you can’t vent and rant about your enemies? LOL, Well, enemies or not, these people are nothing more than just a very bad memory now. They cannot legally – or illegally for that matter – harm me ever again. I remind myself of this when I think of those who decided I “stalked” the people who lived just 3 feet from my husband and I, and who tormented us nearly every day, then called it a “hate” crime when my husband complained to the city, and I was willing to share some journal excerpts about it, ultimately causing them to be evicted, or at least so they said in court. Yet the only thing I ever “hated” was the way they so freely and openly victimized me and used and abused the law against me. Meanwhile, the only one who was ever truly hated was me.

Hey, didn’t I say enough of these sickos? Shame on me!

[i-knew-this-would-happen-76]

i just got rid of a lot. who knows why. but it’s happening, and no one cares. i hate the world. people and the way they do things and talk but i can see now why that had to happen. i wish to seek i wish to find but honestly everything comes in time. i had it all, affirmations pictures screenshots but now for some reason i’m letting everything go, and eventually i come back to this, once everything has changed. it hurts. i can go back and get it back since i transferred everything and honestly i have gems everywhere. it’s just the way things happen that breaks my heart. i don’t remember what i deleted, i feel like i won’t even be careful. now…time to make bashful beats or nahh? everything fades so quickly but it’s ok, the Universe has me and knows that i’m way to stubborn and closed off to even listen. i just do it like this and then move on. i got the best girls. the baddest, most organized ones, i’ll gather them soon. even my other phones are on deck. this one is too hot and filled. i wish to seek i wish to find, more film stills, mysterious videos, captures, you know that Accidental stuff. i just want it all. Lowkey i look at some and i’m like why did i let that go but rn idk if i should remove Skella from my life or keep her, idk cuz she’s making me get rid of everything. maybe i’m cleaning up maybe it’ll be okay. right now i’m just sinking. i wanna say it’ll get better, i’ll get better and so will my beats but i’m just soo idk……….i feel so vague, dull, and empty. maybe i have too much, too much bs that isn’t mine when it’s clear they are inseparable. you know i’m smart. and i’m just here in bed. i have things on repeat and i’m listening and finding. i’m also wondering, am i gonna change? the way i think talk and act, is there something on the way for me? Little by little? will i become someone else? a stronger person? more reserved, uptight, lowkey, modest. i’m just here wondering. i own it all, i have an actual phone which has all and i don’t feel too burdened by any of it. i love everything and i just hope this turns into something great. i hope i’m slowly easing into that life i find so hard to talk about. maybe it’s all just a fantasy and none of it will be possible. idk. i still have to look over my other books of wonders. and make beats. and chill, relax, do more Quinlan. eventually i’ll let go, wake up, delete, everything. idk what it’s doing to me or why any of this is happening. but i have it all, i just have to go back and see what’s there. i just think it’s amazing tho, here i am, is this my life? Next thing you know i wish i find myself driving over there. to fuckin get high you know? will i sink that way? i’m already losing my precious memories and pictures~before sinking, oh yeah? what else is something that’s going to happen

[furyreblogs]

There’s a lot of what’s been called “shut up soap” trope fics based around basically a chatty adhd soap and they’ve been great

But got me thinking since I’m in my own adhd chatty Cathy dopamine spike atm

More so than being told to shut up being ignored hurts even more

I learned the phrase socially invisible recently, didn’t have a word for this until now but it’s been something I struggled with my entire life. Seems to be **possibly** a reoccurring issue for mild mannered, soft spoken people. Which is what I’ve always struggled with

Usually in offline spaces not online.

Especially when no one tells you to shut up or dismiss you, just fucking ignore you like you’re not even there. Not sure if they just didn’t hear you or not so you say it again to no response. Question if what you said was in poor taste or not to try to understand why but it was completely harmless so you’re confused

If you speak up again just to be sure cuz you know your voice doesn’t carry much then you get some kind of irritated “yeah we heard you” like you’re the rude one for insisting or the dreaded disinterested ‘mmhm’ just to appease you

Especially when you say “thank you” and don’t hear acknowledgment so you repeat yourself cuz you don’t want the other person to think you’re rude for not saying your manners when they didn’t hear you but they reply with a hateful look and annoyed “you’re welcome” like you were shaming them into replying some kinda power play when I just wanted to be sure they knew I was grateful

And then the worst is when you’re mislead?

It’s not often but happened more than once. Sharing a current special interest, not in depth, just mentioning its existence. Then the person shows interest in you and that facet of you. They ask questions and engage about this thing you’re interested in. So you tell them, ramble a bit when they keep asking or don’t show you need to stop.

Then they hit you with a blunt a “I don’t actually care” or in the case of an interview for an exclusive class “you do realize you’re not going to be doing that stuff here, right?”

Why the fuck ask me about it and continue to ask me about it

Just to shut me down?

Never shared more than surface interest with that person ever again and even though I got into the class I didn’t enroll into it

Sometimes this stuff makes me wonder if RSD is from my emotional dysregulation adhd brain chemicals mess.

Or if it’s cuz of dealing with this kind of BS all the time

That’s not even getting into how family holidays go eugh

Word committed my frustrations suddenly sorry

May or may not delete idk it’s not like I keep my frustrations about this secret

[blondrichclosetwitch]

Someone cut the heads off of all our roses.

Gee, I wonder who.

“Basically, at one point, I was in the bedroom, and I was repeating… I was being reminded of things that chloe and Katelan set up, like, you know Katelan she made the whole thing about Gina up.

everything she told me about Gina was a lie, and it was all part of a big plan that I didn’t realize at the time. but now that I’ve been slowly putting it together, I'm able to see things pretty clearly.

the bottom line is she did some really bad stuff to me. really bad. and I hope you really contemplate.. I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can, but I just hope you spend some time thinking about this, cuz it's really important to me.

anyway that night ….All of a sudden my head was like remembering things. things about Katie, and about Jonathan but.. yes about Jonathan,that’s important, but mostly the things I was told about Katie, and the way they used Katie & pretended I was talking to Katie.. and it was completely manufactured.

I don’ think they meant to kill katie. But katie did die because of stuff that was orchestrated …she absorbed a hit misha, that was being directed at me.i’ve had several spiritualists talk to me about this. And katie has told me herself. In different ways over time. Sometimes less bluntly, sometimes more. So this night I was like being reminded of things I was told, and I got insanely angry. I was crying that kind of cry that you do when you're crying really ugly and you're crying so hard that you can't even move the hair out of your face, and you know snot is running down your face and it doesn't matter, because you're that upset. it was one of those.

that was the night that I really put it together, how this thing was set up. how much katelan had to do with the level it went to.

About me getting demonic possession, i don’t know. But i know she did a lot of stuff. And that she did a big working for chloe. So that she would have psychic dominion over me. She taught me practices and gave me oils, katelan did alot. at one point in that night, i don’t remember what song was playing, but i was clutching katie’s pictures, and i was just remembering stories that went to each picture that i had been told,...and i was almost hyperventilating. I was so upset.

At that point i started to—-i know you know i’ve had a blog where i started talking about the things they were doing with the stalking and things i figured out, and I started transcribing these tapes. you remember I made these tapes, I have a tape about you and angel, I taped your astrology session with steel, I have hundreds of tapes and I slowly have been transcribing these tapes, very slowly. I probably only done 15 of them so far. some of them are readings with my spiritualist, some of them are with steel, I haven't transcribed any with katelan yet but mostly their conversations with someone pretending to be Katie, or random, or Gina. the spirits are trying to get me to.. I mean, Katie is my main guardian at this point.

I know I have other Spirits in my Realm, but she's definitely very connected to me, partially because of what happened to her.

And that she’s……my…………i’m part of the reason that she’s gone. Obviously.

As sad as that is to say…it’s true. That's part of the reason why she plays a part in helping me figure things out. she tells me which tapes to transcribe each day Etc. she plays me music so I know what to write about next. I know she's not the only one, but she's very involved. and a few days ago I wrote about Sherene. I talked about the fact that she dropped me after we went to Italy, and when I talked to her about what had happened, she just shut down on me and refused. she wanted Jamieson's phone number.

so I've been slowly on this blog talking about all this stuff. confronting people. Everyday.

today I was writing about the tape where fake Katie was possessed by the devil and I needed to do another exorcism on her, and Psychic Jonathan couldn't come to me until the devil was out of her. and how I went to Bellevue Hospital looking for him cuz I was told he was shot, and that I asked how many medications Chloe had him on, and I was told 13.

that's basically the stuff I was talking about that's in this tape that I was working on today.

i was in total isolation last year. and I understand that to an extent it is super uncomfortable for you, and you just don't know what to do . I remember I had made you this tape in early 2019 after I went to your house and I came back, and they had been in my apartment and they had moved stuff, and that was the first time I went sober because I was so freaked out that I slept with a butcher knife. I thought I was going to die I was so scared. and we haven't seen each other since that night. and the point I'm trying to make is I've been in the midst of a pretty serious process of trying to put this all together so that someone has to be held accountable for what happened.

the fact that they did this.. whatever witch stuff was done to me, plus the stalking, and everything Chloe's ever tried to do.

What i said in that AA meeting about demonic possession…that was so hard for me to say.

It’s really hard to have your life split. To feel like you can’t talk about most things. You can’t talk about you’ve been emotionally and psychologically harassed by someone for years, and what that does to your ability to be normal. Or the fact that i can’t masturbate. I can’t go anywhere near sex because i am still afraid.

Did you know that i used to hear her constantly?any time i tried to masturbate, all of a sudden i would see her face, and i couldn’t get away from it. I had to have a list of people ready to “see” so that i would have a defense against her getting in. i can tell you it was crazy. “