#currently my leading idea is to just make my user handle be something like “I AM A LEGAL ADULT IN REAL LIFE”

[twerkyvulture]

what's the ethical way to observe roblox babies like you're Jane Goodall

[ireadwithmyears]

Hi! Would you be able to write something for the clones (any of them) with a reader who has a guide dog. I've been running into a lot of issues with people trying to distract her and borderline harassing us (the president of my university follows us around with his unleashed dog running up to us, someone grabbed her nose when we were on a bus and then screamed at us, I'm a biology/genetics major so we get some subtle discrimination in academic opportunities like research projects, etc). Also I don't currently live somewhere with public transportation so I have to take Uber to get anywhere which is a whole other nightmare (a driver dropped us off at the wrong location and I was stuck in a sketchy part of town for 45 minutes while drivers kept denying us a ride). Maybe something with how the clones would comfort/handle their SO dealing with these things. Obviously you don't have to write about all of these scenarios, just some ideas

You don't have to of course, but I figured it was worth an ask:)

Looking Out for You:Part 1

Pairing: Commander Fox/fem Reader

Visually impaired reader masterlist

Word count: 4.1 K

Tags/warnings: Visually impaired reader, meet cute, grumpy x sunshine vibes, denial of feelings(Fox falls first, he falls hard, and he denies it every single step of the way because he’s Fox), guide dog cuteness, brief mention of ableism(this chapter is pretty tame, but in future installments, I intend to explore these elements more deeply, specifically as they pertain to service dog users. These topics aren’t always the most comfortable to discuss. But I feel they are important to bring awareness to)

Summary: Making the transition from your small, rural homeworld to Coruscant already promises to be tough. But when you’re employed to work at the Senate buildings directly under senator Organa and you’re also a guide dog user, things quickly become more complicated, in a variety of ways. Luckily, you seem to have caught the eye of a certain Marshal commander, who swears up and down that he’s not falling in love with you, but who, regardless, always has your back, and is always looking out for you.

A.k.a. 

The three times Fox makes sure that you get home safely. Plus the one time he ends up following you inside

Authors note: Hii anon. I was so happy to hear from you and received this request. As a fellow guide dog user, I have so many different experiences that I feel are worth sharing, so that more people are aware of the trials we face because as amazing as it is that we have these incredible animals, it isn’t always just a nice walk in the park. Which leads me to my next point. Because of all of these experiences that I want to highlight, this 1shot quickly evolved into a four part series, to give it the proper breathing room that I feel it deserves. I hope that’s okay, and I hope you still like this one. If you’d like to message me privately so that I can make sure you’re tagged in each subsequent update, please do. I’d be happy to do that

The first time it happens, Fox is admittedly running on his default, which is to say in plain terms that he is annoyed.

“Why is this my problem?”

Fox winces upon hearing the barely concealed snarl in his own voice through his helmet speakers. He could have phrased that better. He should have at least taken the courtesy to add “with all due respect” when leading into that sentence, even if both he and the trooper who has the misfortune of being at the other end of the line are both fully aware that he doesn’t intend to sound respectful in the slightest.

There’s a pause, a hesitation on the other end of the coms, which causes Fox to silently berate himself for his initial sharp tone. He reminds himself, as he does about 500 times daily, that he needs to be more careful with it.

This warning, for some reason, always falls on deaf ears. But still, Fox wagers that he at least keeps trying, and who knows, maybe one of these days, it’ll actually stick. It probably won’t.

“It’s just that the issue is occurring at the entrance closest to your office, sir,” the trooper begins before rushing to add, ��but if you’re busy, we can send—”

“Don’t bother,” Fox sighs. “I’m already on my way there.”

Maybe he shouldn’t be on such a high horse, but really, being sent to investigate a loitering complaint is far above what he, as a marshall commander, should be doing. Despite this though, he privately admits that he’s been looking for an excuse to stand up from his desk chair and stretch his legs. Maybe if he’s lucky, he'll manage to shake off the aching twinge in his left shoulder, hunched from filling out a last-minute stack of crime reports that he had been on the scene of, all from the previous night between the hours of 1 to 3 in the morning. So really, he rationalizes, can anyone blame him for being more than a little bit pissed off at the interruption? 

Maybe it’s a sign that he needs a refill on his caf. 

He rounds the corner and, with what is in hindsight probably more force than is necessary, smacks a hand against an access panel. The door slides open, and a cool breeze hits him as he steps outside into the open air.

His eyes scan through the visor of his helmet, and to his annoyance he doesn’t see the suspected loiterer that he had been warned of, at least not at first. 

Sighing, he steps further out and past the awning above the entrance. Though the air is cool, the sun still shines, and the slight glow causes his eyes to catch on the gloss of your hair as you walk past, eyes nervous as they flick around. Sensing his presence, you pause, shoulders stiffening slightly as you turn to face him with trepidation. Fox also takes notice, his eyes widening in momentary surprise when he observes the guide dog harnessed at your left side, looking up at you with big brown eyes, as if silently trying to understand your sudden hesitance.

You, of course, have every reason to be suspicious of any unannounced or unidentified presence in your vicinity, especially now that you’re living on Coruscant. But, if you’re honest, you’re already on edge, and even though it’s still morning, the day has promised to be shit if the beginning of it is any indication.

Senator Organa isn’t in the habit of firing his junior staff for small mistakes like this, you remind yourself. Still, the thought, no matter how many times you’ve repeated it like a mantra at this point, doesn’t manage to calm your growing nerves, because regardless you’re still lost, and you’re still running late. You silently curse the pitfalls of being blind and using a ride-sharing service, and then you have to restrain yourself from cursing aloud when your eyes land on the silhouette parked a few meters in front of you.

You don’t have much vision. But with what you do have, it’s enough to deduce bright, contrasting colors. And the red splotches against white armor has you stopping dead in your tracks, because within the span of two seconds, a cold clarity settles within your stomach, because the red and white armor is distinctly and unmistakably that of a Coruscant Guard member, the visor of his helmet tilted, looking no doubt with suspicion directly at you.

Resisting the urge to bemoan the shortage of orientation and mobility droids designed to assist with transitions like this—which would have ensured that you would have been able to smoothly get yourself out of this situation in the first place—you bring your guide dog to heel before gesturing for her to sit, then slowly and hesitantly raise your eyes to the trooper, already feeling a mix of anxiety and guilt stirring in the pit of your stomach.

There’s a small sound from his helmet, a hesitation as he seems to clear his throat before speaking. 

“Personal Senatorial aides aren’t permitted to use this entrance,” he says, gesturing to the badge on the lanyard that hangs around your neck. 

He speaks as if this is a reminder that he’s given more than once, which you’re sure he has. Still, there’s an underlying sharpness to it that makes you jump despite your efforts not to react. 

“I, I know,” you say, swallowing before rushing to continue. “I didn’t mean to be dropped off here, sir. I took a Speedershare to get here this morning, and I didn’t realize the driver dropped me off at this entrance until I got out, and by that point it was too late, and I should have asked to verify which one he was going to but—”

“Hey, easy. Slow down.”

The trooper steps closer to you, and it’s only then that you register that you’ve been rambling, your anxiety ratcheting up with each word. Now that you’re silent, you can feel the way your heart is pounding. You’ve seen the Guard around, of course, but you’ve never really interacted with any of them. He’s tall, you realize as he stands in front of you and you look up into the visor of his helmet. Tall and broad, and you were already nervous before he showed up. 

But his hands are raised, in supplication or as an offering of peace, you’re not sure. But regardless, he doesn’t seem on the verge of scolding you further for your silly mistake, which is good, because your nerves are still so frayed from getting out of your ride only to realize that you had no idea where you were, and that apart from knowing that you were somewhere at the Senate building, you were effectively lost and alone. A scolding, delivered with just the right amount of displeasure, would probably be enough to make you start crying, which would make this day go from being the worst to certifiably irredeemable.

“Speedershare isn’t always the most reliable service. Your employer is Senator Organa,” he says, eyes once again scanning over your badge. “I’m sure he could arrange an alternate transportation service that is much more consistent and professional for you to use.”

“I don’t want his charity,” you say, and you can’t help the hard edge that creeps into your voice when you speak.

But really, you don’t. You know that he could, and knowing Senator Organa, he would be happy to do so. But it’s unnecessary. You grew up needing extra accommodations and things that, despite your teachers’ constant stream of reassurances, always made you feel singled out. 

You’re an adult now, and you don’t want that. You don’t need his charity, his pity, or to be added to his ever-growing list of things to worry about at the beginning and end of each day—an item to be checked off. 

As far as you’re concerned, the best thing you can do for the both of you is to keep this to yourself, and you’ll figure out how to manage sooner or later.

Fox takes a step back, able to recognize your quick deflection of his suggestion as a sign that he’s slightly overstepped, and he nods, glancing towards the door.

“Well,” he says, forcing his voice to sound lighter. “I suppose I could let you off the hook this once and let you use this entrance.”

“Thank you,” you say, before hesitantly adding, “I, I’m not familiar with the route to get to Senator Organa’s office from where we are. Would you, I mean, you don’t have to if you’re busy, but—”

“I’ll take you there,” he cuts you off, finality in his voice. “Do you, uh, need a guide or anything?”

Fox internally kicks himself for not knowing how to handle a situation like this, but you give your head a small shake, which allows him a moment of relief. 

“The color on your armor is bright,” you respond, and for the first time in this interaction, you smile. He can’t help but admire the way it seems to transform you, your previous nerves and worry disappearing like the sun breaking through the clouds. It’s quite lovely, he observes, and then internally kicks himself just a bit harder as punishment for that traitorous thought. 

Useless, he scolds. Unnecessary. But it’s already been thought, and he can’t take it back. He’s grateful for the helmet concealing his face, hiding the way his lips repeatedly twitch in an effort to turn upward as he hears you, your voice giving a soft, encouraging command, and the slight pitter patter of paws against pavement as your guide dog leads you to follow after him. 

He firmly resolves not to speak unless necessary until he’s taken you to the senator's office.

This resolve lasts for less than two minutes before he feels the slight brush of a wet nose against his hand and hears a small sniffing sound at his hip. Turning his head, he finds your guide dog, who has stopped walking and is sniffing at a pouch around his waist, and you looking sheepish as you stand behind him.

“Mandalore, leave it,” you scold, your voice lower than he’s heard it and with a suddenly authoritative edge that has his eyes widening slightly. You’re so little, he thinks, and all you’ve ever been whilst interacting with him is timid and quiet like a mouse. Seeing that side of you, as if flipped on by a switch, well...he can’t help but be taken by slight surprise. You pull back the harness, giving it a slight shake and the dog, with obvious reluctance, backs off, abandoning its curiosity.

“I’m sorry,” you say quickly, your cheeks heating with a blush. His hand twitches of its own accord, struck with an unexplained urge to reach out and touch, wondering if he would feel the warmth of your cheek beneath his gloved fingers.

Kriff, his internal monologue groans, disgusted. What the fuck is wrong with you today? He refocuses, looking down at you and shaking his head.

“Your dog’s name is Mandalore?” he asks, genuinely curious and unable to hide the amusement in his voice.

You laugh, nodding your head. “The one and only,” you grin. “Certain training schools do things differently. But the one we went to likes to name each litter by theme, and hers happened to be planets.”

You lower your voice, leaning in conspiratorially with a slight twinkle in your eye. 

“You know, for a Mandalore, she doesn’t look very intimidating, does she?” you ask, and he’s surprised, startled even, to hear the snort of laughter that is pulled from him as he nods his head, looking down at the guide dog who’s unaffected, her professional mask barely concealed behind a tail that wags at him and big, pleading eyes that seem to pierce through his soul.

“No, she really doesn’t,” he agrees, and your grin widens.

“I’ve always joked that if a burglar broke into my house, she wouldn’t bark or growl or try to bite at them,” you say, still smiling as you continue to walk. “She would simply flop down on the ground at their feet and roll over to demand a belly rub.”

“Well…” he says, and faintly, in the back of his head, he registers that he’s 

actually smiling. Huh, he thinks, taken slightly off-guard by the strange feeling. He can’t remember the last time that’s happened. It’s almost slightly disturbing. “If she’s not a fighter, she at least has some good distraction tactics.”

You laugh, your previous nerves surrounding getting lost and being late all but forgotten. It’s a nice sound, bright and lively, and Fox, the Maker help him, finds that he wants to hear it again.

“She probably smells the treats I keep in my pouch for Grizzer,” Fox explains, slightly rueful. He rolls his eyes and pretends to dislike it every time Hound brings the massiff to his office, citing that his panting is distracting, and that his drool gets everywhere, which is disgusting. Those things are both true. But Fox also can’t help but appreciate the warm weight of Grizzer’s head against his leg or the large, imploring eyes the massiff gives him when he knows that Fox has food. 

“I figured it would be unprofessional of me to offer one to her,” he continues, and you nod your head, glancing down.

“It would, but...” you begin slowly, calculating as you clock the staircase you’re approaching and turning your head to look up at him as a slow smile pulls at the corners of your lips. “If you give it to me, I could give it to her by proxy if you want.”

He nods, unzipping the small pouch, guiding you to hold out your hand as he places several small treats on the palm of it, which already has the dog vibrating with eagerness. But you don’t give in right away. 

“Forward,” you say, gesturing your head to the small set of stairs. The added incentive makes the dog quick on her feet, and you have to tell her to slow down as she rushes to comply, guiding you towards the stairs, barely able to contain the excited trot in her step. “Okay, Mandalore, show me where the railing is.”

The guide dog turns slightly, changing course to lead you towards the railing on the far right, placing her front paws up on the stairs and pausing, turning her head to look up at you for approval. 

“Yes,” you beam, stroking a hand along her head. “You learn so fast. Good girl.”

Fox watches, a smile on his face as you hold out your hand with the treats, giving it a few taps against the railing before opening your palm, offering it to her. She eagerly gobbles them up without hesitation, her tail never ceasing its happy little wiggles, which makes Fox want to laugh.

“You know,” he says, stepping up beside you and beginning to mount the stairs. “On second thought, maybe she is a fighter. I mean, she looked like she was ready to take off your fingers along with the treats.”

“When it comes to food, she definitely is,” you say with a grin, following after him. “If only all burglars came covered in peanut butter or dog treats, I’d feel much safer about our odds.”

You both snicker, and the rest of the journey up to the senators’ offices passes in a relatively comfortable silence apart from Fox giving you a few quiet directions as you make your way through the halls. You never fail to turn your head and smile at him each time he warns you of a crowd of people incoming so you can maybe take a step to the side, or if you need to turn left or right at this next intersection.

He isn’t sure how to describe it, but his heart does something strange each time you do. 

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience...” you trail off, uncertain of the trooper’s name as you stand outside the doorway to Senator Organa’s office.

“Fox,” he responds, and he’s quickly struck by the strangeness of how he felt compelled to give you his chosen name first instead of his rank. That, he thinks, is definitely odd and out of the ordinary, but he recovers himself quickly. “Commander Fox,” he adds, and your cheeks rapidly heat with a blush.

“Oh, Force,” you groan, covering your cheeks with your hands and closing your eyes, mortified. “I’m sorry, Commander. I didn’t mean to inconvenience so much of your time.”

“Don’t worry,” he says, and the brush of gloved fingers against your arm is barely there, brief and gone in an instant, but it’s enough to startle you out of your embarrassment, your eyes widening as you look up at him. “It wasn’t an inconvenience,” he says, sounding so sincere that you lose any ability to respond to that, falling into a silence in which the both of you simply stand, contemplating each other.

Fox, for his part, is struck by the realization that, for once, he means every word he’s just said. 

“Well,” you say, blinking as you try to shake yourself out of your stupor. “Regardless of the circumstances, it was lovely to meet you, Commander, and if we ever encounter each other again, you may want to introduce yourself by name if we speak. Every trooper shares the same voice, which makes it much harder for me to differentiate between you all, and I’d hate to mistake you for someone else and embarrass the both of us any further. At least, more than I probably already have.”

“Right,” he says, equally as slowly and strangely hesitant for this conversation to end but not knowing what else to add. “Understood.” 

“I should go,” you say, feeling suddenly shy as you give him a small smile and turn to the door. “See you around, Commander,” you murmur, giving him a playful wink.

You step into the office, not waiting for his response. It takes him a full 30 seconds of just standing there out in the hall listening to the sound of dog paws tapping against the floor, growing distant as you move out of his listening range, to realize that you left him—completely and deliberately if the smirk that was pulling at the corners of your lips was any indication—with a blind joke.

He chokes, uncertain of if he’s allowed to laugh—of if it would be completely inappropriate for him to laugh. His cheeks heat with belated awkward embarrassment. He shakes his head, making a note as he forces his feet to move and forces himself to walk away, heading back in the direction of his office.

The next time he sees you—and he can’t help the strange and foreign hope that twinges in his chest at even the thought of seeing you again—he’ll have to ask you.

Until then, he thinks, giving himself a firm shake as he maneuvers himself through the halls of the Senate building. He resolves to keep you—the girl with the pretty smile, the hair that looks like it was made to run fingers through, and the infectious laugh that he still hears clear as a bell even now that you’re gone—far from his thoughts, ordering himself to stop acting like some sort of lovesick puppy and for kriff sake to just get back to work.

*

Fox, to his consternation, is unsuccessful.

The whole day, as he goes about his tasks—filling out reports, sending requisitions to the Senate, doing patrol—he can’t stop thinking about you. 

Your smile as you tilted your head to look up at him, your warm, encouraging demeanor as you worked with your guide dog, the excitable pup looking up at you like you’re her whole galaxy, the way that he had been able to make you genuinely laugh...

Okay, maybe his bar for sharing friendly interactions with natborns was insanely low up to this point. But knowing that he had brought that out of you had felt strangely good, leaving a warm, unfamiliar feeling in his stomach that lingered every time he thought of it.

He’s so unsuccessful at keeping his mind off of you during the workday that it’s still early in the afternoon when he pulls up your file on the database, scrolls through your work schedule, and at the end of the day is standing outside of Senator Organa’s office waiting for your shift to end.

When he sees you come out, Mandalore, sensing his presence before you do, happily begins to waggle her tail, her footsteps quickening as she leads you out of the office. He calls out to you, and you turn, searching for the voice.

“It’s Fox,” he says, removing his helmet and tucking it beneath his arm. “From this morning.”

Is he imagining it, or do your eyes actually light up when you spot him? 

“I just wanted to make sure that your ride picks you up without complication,” he continues. “Not that I don’t think you can do that on your own,” he rushes to add, his cheeks heating slightly. He’s already gotten the sense that you don’t like being underestimated, and he respects that. “I can make sure that you have detailed instructions in the app so that your driver knows exactly which entrance to collect you.”

“That would actually be super helpful!” you exclaim, and there’s no masking the relief in your voice as you pull out your comm, fiddling with it for a second before passing it to him. “I’ve been meaning to ask someone to update them, because I have a vague idea of what each entrance looks like and how to describe them, but honestly, I don’t think it’s enough to be helpful.”

He takes the device from you, and working quickly, types up detailed directions on how to get to the staff entrance along with a description of its surroundings. He pastes a copy into your notes for good measure so that you’re able to keep reusing it at your convenience. He explains all this to you as he passes it back, letting you know your ride is booked.

“You’re an angel, Fox,” you say in a relieved breath, beaming up at him. “Moving here has been so stressful as it is, and getting used to the transit options is just one more thing on top of that.”

You miss the way his cheeks go pink, but you do catch his quiet, breathy chuckle as he awkwardly avoids your gaze. 

“Right, well,” he scratches at the back of his neck, looking down at the ground. “Your ride should be here soon. Want me to come with you and make sure it shows up?”

“I don’t want to hold you up if you have other things to do,” you say uncertainly, biting your lip.

The truth is, you so badly want to say yes. Waiting for a Speedershare on your own can be anxiety inducing. So many things can go wrong. Your driver might not be able to find you, and when they call and ask you for directions, you aren’t able to provide them with much help. They could drive past and cancel altogether once they realize you have a service dog. Or worse, they can turn it into a full out yelling confrontation. In all cases, you’ve learned, your anxiety is significantly lessened if someone else is with you, ready to back you up at a moment's notice.

It’s true, you’ve only met Fox today. But his presence is steady, safe, and you get the sense that he would stay without question and without hesitation. But you also don’t want to become his burden.

“You’re not,” he states, hooking his helmet to his belt. “And I’m not. Come on, let’s go find your ride.”

And that’s exactly what he does. 

He leads you out towards the pick-up point, and when the speeder gets there, he verifies the plates, opens the door, and helps you inside, waiting patiently for your guide dog to tuck in her tail before beginning to let it close. Before it does though, before it drives away and you’re left wondering if and when you’ll ever see him again, he speaks, his voice low and carrying the softest, lightest undertone of teasing.

“See you around, mesh’la.”

It takes you a moment, but as you drive off, the echo of the words you had jokingly thrown over your shoulder at him just this morning flashes through your memory, and before you know it, you’re tipping your head back against the headrest of the seat, quietly laughing to yourself, uncaring of the driver giving you a funny look from the corner of his eye as he picks up speed, driving away from the Senate building.

You’re still smiling as the speeder rounds the corner, and the building, as well as Marshall Commander Fox, disappears from view.

If you like and enjoy this story, please consider dropping a reblog, as you might help someone else find something they enjoy just as much. Thank you :-) and thank you to @strangergraphics-archive for such cute puppy dividers

[ratlesshonret]

Song Analysis - And Then is Heard No More

Part 0 - The Part You Skip if You Just Want the Analysis

Hi! Its me again! Last time I analyzed Children of the City, and someone requested an analysis of And Then is Heard No More, which I've actually already written in the past.

With that said, this entire analysis was posted on Reddit about a month ago, and I'm simply reposting it here for a new audience. If there's any formatting errors from the copy-paste action, please let me know.

Part 1 - Analysis of Lyrics

If you don't already know, this song is about Philip from Library of Ruina. Its his Character Song. I assume you did know, but this is just so we're all on the same page.

Do the candles look forward to being used? Enjoy bidding adieu, adieu? Every word I have saved for you came out wrong Afterwards, so I spoke no more

(credit to tumblr user tearychildren for helping me analyze this verse)

In the first two lines of the song, Philip is wanting to be reassured. He's looking for solace, for comfort, attempting to convince himself that his life was worth it. The metaphor, with candles looking forward to being used, is meant to represent humanity. If I were to translate, I'd say he's asking, "Do people look forward to burning out and doing nothing, before dying?"

Philip wants to know he didn't waste his life. He wants to be told that all there is to life is burning out immediately. Because if he was told there's more to life, he might not be able to handle it. He wants reassurance, to be told that this is the fate of everyone.

The latter two lines refer to Philip's co-worker Yuna. In the Unstable Book of the Crying Children, Philip details a failed love confession to Yuna, which is almost certainly what this verse is about. When his confession didn't work, he likely internalized it as him just saying something wrong, and thus he decided to "speak no evil."

Would you say That someone who had every intention to be brave Was a coward?

This line speaks to several things. The first, and most obvious, is that Philip wants to know if he has been a coward. He wants to know if all his fleeing and denying of the facts makes him cowardly, even if he intended to be brave.

And this details a theme of his whole arc: Philip wants to be a hero, but he can't be one.

The second thing this line speaks about is the Project Moon universe's general question of, "Do the thoughts/intentions behind your actions matter, or the actions themselves?" Is it enough to have just wanted to be brave? Or do you need to act the part, as well?

In my opinion, Philip was a coward. He made attempts not to be, but they all fell short, sometimes for reasons in his control and sometimes for not. And I don't think his "intention to be brave" is enough to absolve him of that.

Must be great being you Power comes as second nature Must feel amazing to be longed for, longed for

Philip has this trend of blaming everything but himself. This verse starts the detailing of the dichotomy in his mind, which leads to immense hypocrisy. Philip sees himself as inherently weak, and due to this, he doesn't feel like he can be held to the same standards as everyone else. He can deflect people's criticisms of him by just playing the, "I'm weak, I couldn't have done anything" card.

It also appears Philip believes in "inherent ability." That someone can be born better than another person. But he doesn't take this idea to its logical extreme.

If other people are born better than him, and thus Philip is the only one doing the noble climb to be strong, then why isn't he strong? If he thought it through, he'd know the answer: he isn't trying hard enough. He just expects his heroic opportunity to be handed to him.

Philip almost seems to think he's the only one who has to work for his success, despite him being basically given a position that many people could only dream of.

But there's a reason he doesn't take this idea to its extreme. Because in its current state, it acts as a shield. If other people are inherently better than him, then he doesn't need to be held to their standards. He enjoys having the ability to just block out blame by using weaponized incompetence.

(I opened my eyes) Cemented excuses to my lash-line So I could see no more

At the very least, in the end, Philip seems to admit that he's just making excuses. At every turn, he finds reasons that he couldn't have done more. In every situation, he manages to blame someone other than himself for what happened. But deep down, he knows that his friend's deaths and the killing of three other people he went to for help is his fault.

In Philip's foolish quest for vengeance and heroism, he got three innocent people killed.

And this is where I want to detail the second part of this dichotomy. Philip claims everyone is better than him, sure, but he also thinks he's some legendary hero. He uses this idea that he's some heroic figure to ignore the guilt for his actions.

If he's able to go into the Library with Wedge Office and strike down the ones who killed his colleagues, then it'd all be worth it. That was probably his rationale for dragging those three into the library with him. If he can get vengeance, he'll be the hero. And if the people of Wedge Office have to die, then he'll make that sacrifice if he can get his epic final battle.

And in this battle... if he dies, he doesn't need to worry anymore. And if he wins, he'll be a hero.

Which is why he gets neither.

Philip has to face reality. He isn't a hero. He isn't just some unfairly tortured soul, waiting for his chance to be written down as a legend in the history books. At the end of the day... he's just Philip.

Not to say he doesn't try! In the Philip fight during the Wedge Office Reception, he is very powerful, and fully intends to destroy the Library or die trying. For once in his life, he is determined to do something, which is why he's able to manifest EGO. His desire to be a hero, his desire to win, creates a sword and wings with which to fight with.

As one last aside, let's talk about Philip's EGO. He has a flaming sword, which is very traditional for heroes. The knight holding a flaming sword over a dragon's head, that kind of thing. But he also has burning, melting wings. Which calls back to the tale of Icarus, who in his excitement to finally fly, went to close to the sun and had his wings melted.

Just like Icarus, Philip, in his excitement to finally be the hero, brought three people to their deaths and compounded his own guilt because of some selfish desire to avenge his friends. That was his, "fly too close to the sun."

So which home should someone as weak as I go? (And which sky should I aim for when I've only been low?) I have only been low

Yet again, Philip is pointing out how weak he is. He wants a place to belong, a place to go, now that his friends are all dead. And he also seems to be continuing to avoid blame. He can't aim very high, because he's so pathetic that he'd just fail anything too hard. He doesn't need to try and aim higher, because he has already decided he isn't capable of anything. It shields him from the guilt of not doing enough.

Day and night, your ghosts continue to haunt me Tell me who to be

This references the scene at the 8 o'Clock Circus, where Philip distorts. When he is shown his own visions of his colleagues, they do nothing but blame him for his actions, and in some cases, his inaction.

We get a front-seat look into what Philip thinks they'd say to him.

Both of them are cruel. But he doesn't want to hear it. As they criticize him, he covers his ears and closes his eyes, not wanting to confront the fact that he made the wrong choice.

But he has to confront it. It's impossible not to. Which is why he ends up distorting.

If I went with you, will there be happily ever afters? Sipping on tea I steeped together, together

At this point, Philip seems to wish he had just died with his friends. He wants to know if he'd be happier in whatever afterlife that exists if he hadn't just continued to make a fool out of himself. Its definitely sad, how Philip just seems resigned to the idea of death at this point.

He just wants to have tea with them again.

(Read me a story of a hero born knowing the all) Read me a book of me So I could hear no more

Finally, we get to the last verse. Philip wants to know what his book says. Or, more accurately, he wants to think that when he dies, his book will be about how heroic he was. About how he was born as some tragic figure, who overcame all the negativity in his life and became a legend.

But of course, his actual book is mostly just about the times he was a coward and refused to face reality.

Not only does he want to think his book would be about his heroism, he doesn't want to hear different. He wants someone to tell him how amazing he was, until he can't hear any of the negative things other people have to say. He wants to ignore reality for his petty hero fantasy.

Philip is a hypocrite.

He's simultaneously too weak to try anything, and too heroic to be criticized.

He admits how cowardly he is, and then desires to be told he's a brave hero.

Philip is maybe a prime example of cognitive dissonance.

Part 2 - Summary

Despite all of this... I can't bring myself to hate Philip. He's cowardly, hypocritical, ignores any criticism, hides in his own fantasies, and uses his incompetence as a shield to block anything he doesn't want to hear. But I don't hate him.

Honestly, I think most people would act how he did in his situation.

I understand running for your life. And I understand the survivor's guilt that comes with that.

And revenge is just a natural human desire.

In terms of his actions, which I think is what matters, his gravest sin is dragging three innocent people into his revenge quest.

And Then Is Heard No More is, in essence, both Philip explaining how he got to where he is, and wanting to be told he didn't make any mistakes. Even in the end, he's too cowardly to own up to them.

Because that's who Philip is.

Part 3 - Final Part

So yeah, that's And Then is Heard No More. I like this song, and I like Philip. I hope you all enjoyed this copy-pasted analysis.

[bqrf]

My friend and I were discussing how we could involve science into the use of Visions, and here’s what I spiraled into! Keep in mind this is all just us spit balling so yeah-

WARNING:

Discussion of Death, graphic injury descriptions and more

Anemo Users

first, I’d like to start off with the discussion of Anemo users as they are actually the most versatile. A common theme being they all use air compression.

This is on the assumption that Anemo users are capable of manipulating any type of air.

Beginning with one of our favorite emos with mommy issues.

The Wanderer - Scaramouche [Introduction]

He is the only known Anemo user (from what I can tell) to utilize his vision for flight. (No, I’m not counting Venti, he just makes a wind current). Something else that interests me more though, is his attack patterns.

When attacking foes with the wanderer, Yuuban Meigen has the effect which leads me to believe he is using pressurized wind; or rather compressed air.

This is further confirmed by the Description of his burst. And This is where I will now rant to you about compressed air.

Please note: most of this can apply to all Anemo users. I will get into the specifics of others momentarily.

source I will be using:

DANGERS

Firstly, what are the dangers of compressed air if not handled properly?

“Although all these occurrences are extremely rare, they are also possible. There is absolutely no good reason to point compressed air at a person, including yourself, which makes these injuries 100% preventable. Don’t use compressed air to clean your clothes, blow dust around, or hit your buddy as a joke, and you’ll be perfectly safe.”

It is also possible for a pressurized air tanks to explode when not looked after due to corrosion— or rather, it is one of the leading causes. When the water isn’t properly drained from the t ank it can weaken it until the tank breaks from the air forcing its way out.

HEAT

Compressed air is known to be hot due to the way it is created. Let’s discuss that.

Compressed air is made in chambers where the molecules are pressed together to create said air. This can be explained by 3 laws.

The third law listed above already explains it! The molecules moving so quickly together causes the heat of the air to increase!

These dangers can also serve as explanations as to why Xiao’s burst does continuous self-inflicted damage.

Theoretically, Sayu should be taking even more damage than him on just her skill. There’s of course the obvious reason of rolling around on hard surfaces but there is also the idea of her using pressurized air and wind to propel herself. I will be doodling Safety gear for all Anemo users at the end of this post.

These guys have the right idea. Though something covering their whole face can prevent the loss of eyeballs!

ALL ELEMENTS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS

Sub section: Pyro

source:

It is a well known fact that fire is a result of vibrating atoms to release gasses. In short, a combination of fuel, oxygen and heat. What do anemo users have? Oxygen and heat (refer back to heat caused by air compression).

Sub Section: Hydro

In tandem with Pyro and heat, this can cause water to vaporize. Another known fact is that Water is found in the air. Ameno users can utilize this through air pressure to manipulate hydro as if it were their vision.

Furthermore Hydro can be compressed to make Cryo, lending itself to the next sub section.

Sub Section: Electro

sources:

Lightning is formed through droplets and ice crystals “bumping” into each other, creating electrical charges. Oxygen and air have a large role to play in this, as you need cold and warm air for its creation.

“Nitrogen is also involved in further lightning chemistry. At the high temperatures lightning generates, there is enough energy for nitrogen and oxygen in the air to combine, forming nitrogen oxides. In turn, these nitrogen oxides can dissolve in rainwater and form nitrates, which are important for plant growth. The process of usually unreactive nitrogen being turned into nitrates that plants can use is called ‘nitrogen fixing’. Lightning accounts for up to 3-10 teragrams of nitrogen fixed per year (compared to 100-300 teragrams fixed by bacteria).”

(“The Science of thunderstorms- thunder, lighting, and chemical reactions”, Compound interest, ~2018) Yes, anemo also has a grip on Dendro.

Conclusion

With everything we know it’s safe to assume Geo can be manipulated by Anemo too

Compression of Minerals creates others, Anemo as we know it is capable of compression

Cryo is created from hydro, which can be manipulated through Ameno

Through the manipulation of its molecules or Anemo induced Pyro hydro can be created, and therefore Cryo.

Most elements are dependent on Air/ Oxygen

Electro is dependent for the reactions created

Pyro is fueled by oxygen, without it there is no fire

Plant life depends on Air for survival, without it there would be no carbon dioxide to be used in photosynthesis.

BURST

source used:

Now looking back on the Wander’s burst we know it would utilize heat and pressure along with creating an unstable environment for the compressed air in order to cause this explosion.

An important question to bring up is:

How far can this compression be pushed? Assuming there is no limit— dependent on the user— it’s safe to assume it can be pushed to the point of creating a black hole, or something similar.

“Don't let the name fool you: a black hole is anything but empty space. Rather, it is a great amount of matter packed into a very small area - think of a star ten times more massive than the Sun squeezed into a sphere approximately the diameter of New York City. The result is a gravitational field so strong that nothing, not even light, can escape.” (NASA, 1)

Theoretically, Scaramouche could compress matter in the air to the point of a black hole.

Taking a closer look, the effects would suggest light itself warping around the Axis, implying something with the nature of a black hole.

Black holes are created from super Novas, specifically the theory that, if the mass is large enough, no force can keep the star from collapsing under the influence of gravity. Leading this back to the wanderer, a perfect balance could possibly result in the creation of an artificial black hole.

CONCLUSION (scara)

In conclusion, Scara’s attacks can do some serious damage! Taking into account his personality: his skills can and will be used in a manner which would guarantee the safety of no one, not even himself.

Skill ideas

Heat - He burns people, what can I say

Compressing lungs - He could compress the air in the lungs of his foes leading to:

Suffocation

Converting them into essentially pressurized air tanks, of course leading to explosions

Compressing all water molecules to drown them

Black holes

need I say more

Air in the body

Your body requires air for functionality, an Ameno user could quickly cut off oxygen supply.

Good thing he doesn’t need to breathe! Otherwise, he would be rupturing his lungs every time he takes flight!

If you want further details on how he could do more damage please let me know, I can make a follow up for individual characters too with how they can utilize all of this keeping these ideas in mind.

OTHER CHARACTERS - SAFETY GEAR AND ADDITION ABILITIES

Capable of all of this: shown to have similar move set

Sucrose - Anemo CATALYST 4*

Suggested protective gear: Most I can think of at the moment is giving her headphones/ earmu ffs and better protective Eyewear. If needed a mask to cover her mouth

Yes I used an article on why you dont let your dogs stick their heads out windows she has animal ears ok

Eyewear: Effective for Windburn, and debris. Glasses isn’t cutting it!

Earmuffs: Windburn

additionally, anemo would cause constant flapping to the ears and that can do some damage. This constant trauma to the skull can cause blood to pool in the ears leading to painful swelling.

Mask or scarf: Self explanatory

Pants, or heavier clothing:

Again, self-explanatory. We don’t want parts of her outfit to get in the way, especially with the dangers of compressed air.

Hair:

Her hair is actually a good length to keep out of the way, the only issue being her bangs, which could obscure her vision.

Based on her burst I think it’s ok to assume that if pushed further she is capable of black hole creation.

(Concept, not final)

It’s not cute (yet) but safety first!

Shown to use Anemo for the creation of “physical” objects

Faruzan - Anemo BOW 4*

Known to use Air pressure, same conclusion to Sucrose. She is possibly capable of creating a black hole.

Furthermore, it is listed as “vortex damage”. Additionally, we see her use this for the creation of “physical” objects, notably her burst.

This suggests Faruzan compresses the air to create Cryo or hydro.

Suggested gear/ precautions:

Arm Guard: she uses a bow, it would be necessary

I took archery and I do not recommend shooting w/o one- they told us so many horror stories

Pants! PANTS! WHY DO THEY ALL WEAR DRESSES IT’S NOT SAFE

Protective eye gear

No lose jewelry! It can get caught in her bow, and the wind currents she utilizes, would be a fun time for no one!

Tie up her hair! Once again can get caught in the bow especially with the wind all around her.

All characters on the team would need gear to effectively cover their skin and faces if they don’t want any of this to happen.

Concept: Not final

Shikanoin Heizou - Anemo CATALYST 4*

Known to punch and kick with infused Anemo damage.

Through manipulation of the air surrounding his limbs, it is likely he propels himself forward in order to have more force. Air compression is back again! This sort of thing is often used in roller coasters.

The compressed air would be used to launch his leg or arm in a steady motion in a way where he is less likely to get hurt from the movement alone.

GEAR AND PRECAUTIONS

Closed Toed shoes- this goes for everyone!

The leg guards are almost there in terms of safety depending on the material— and anime logic— though they should be extended to cover the entire leg.

The armpit window? aka clothes: Bro you will rupture a lung, that’s no good.

If heavy enough the flowing parts can be excusable, then again that would hinder combat so maybe just scrap them.

Head gear: See the previous 2 characters, it’s a common theme at this point.

He sticks to close range combat mostly so arm Guards.

Cover the fingers!

Hair: His hair is tied up. Good job Heizou 👍

Those bangs are atrocious tho in terms of obscuring vision.

LIGHTNING ROUND

Xiao - Anemo POLEARM 5*

just keep the mask on at all times

Arm coverage

Jean and Kazuha - Anemo SWORD 5*

Arm Guards

Cover more skin

Head gear due to close range

Sayu - Anemo CLAYMORE 4*

Just give her armor at this point

Anemo Traveler

Aether:

Cover stomach, you can rupture your organs bro

More arm Coverage

Hair should be tied up better unless you want to be slapped by it.

Lumine

Snug fit clothing

Arm coverage— again

Gloves should cover the fingers.

Venti - Anemo BOW 5*

I dont care that you’re God, you need an arm guard.

FINAL CONCLUSION

All anemo users have the capacity to use every element to their advantage and can do some serious damage.

I think we now know how Venti was able to survive this long- What a goober

If you want me to go into detail on specific characters let me know!

[second-wolf]

Sooo, I was gonna make this blog about the book I’m writing, and then I just… didn’t.

Anyways, here is information on the book I’m writing!

Side note: This book is in it's early stages of development so take a decent number of names, character description, and places with a grain of salt, as they may be subject to change. I will try to update them as the book develops.

Themes!

The main theme of my as of yet unnamed book is all about how we can process the world around us, especially when issues arise. A lot of the themes are somewhat personal, as I first conceived the main idea of this book during a fairly tumultuous time in my life.

The main idea is that there is no one way to work through issues. Even if one idea may work the best, one tool in your tool belt can only take you so far. A hammer won’t screw something together like a drill.

It also has a few minor themes of dealing with chronic issues or disabilities, but since this is a fantasy novel, of course the disabilities are kind of superpowers. They do have their moments where it’s anything but though.

Magic System!

The magic system is fairly simple in all regards. In the broad strokes we have:

Molders- Basically alchemy. They can change the shape or material of anything they touch so long as they are aware of what the material is made of. The higher their understanding of what they are molding, the easier it is for them to mold it. One drawback though is organic material is usually fairly hard to shape, mostly things like food or anything capable of sustaining life, mostly because its fairly complex chemically.

Adapters- Kind of similar to Molders. They can change the shape of stuff, but only metals, and it has to be absorbed into their body first. How easily they can essentially shapeshift using the metals depends on the metal's softness, like gold is one of the easier ones to use because its fairly soft, whereas tungsten is one of the harder ones.

Enforcers- They can boost their strength, speed or durability by up to a total of 100%, with that 100% being equal to around 10x what their current body strength can be able to handle. The only drawback is that they have to be mindful of how quickly they boost their 'stats' and how they divvy up that 100%, like if your strength is suddenly 10x more powerful than normal, you might break your leg by taking a step, so maybe balance it out with a durability boost too, because although you'd be weaker, you'd be tougher.

Illusionist- maybe the most broken of the four abilities, idk. They are able to create any sort of hallucinations they want, so long as they can clearly imagine it. Depending on the skill level it could range from crappy visual hallucinations to a full on sensory nightmare, affecting all five senses. Granted, the more complicated the illusion the greater the mental toll it take on the user, which can lead to things like headaches or even brain bleeds if one pushes themselves too far. Also, when it comes to making illusory sensations, its hard to make sensations that one has not directly experienced.

Characters!

Eli/Elijah- the main character

He’s around 16 or 17, and grew up in not quite a negligent home, but it wasn’t very loving either. His mom was mostly working as a kid and his dad was always too tired to do much. He also never had much luck with friends either, as they always found him odd or annoying given that he almost was always reading rather than playing or hanging out with everyone else.

Tobi- my favorite

Tobi is trauma incarnate. He grew up in an underground lab and was the product of human experimentation, which in this case was more of a “mess around to keep our funding but it actually worked” kinda way. Tobi is blind, because he has no eyes. He still can see, kind of. He’s more able to ‘sense’ than see, and more of the different materials that are around him than anything like color or light. He also has a nigh crippling fear of crowds and major trust issues, mostly from growing up in an underground lab. He also has horns, because this is my book and I can do whatever fantasy bs I want. Oh also he’s like 12 or 13.

Sylvana- the sassy lady

Sylvana is a noble, kinda, from the wealthiest nation. The reason it’s kinda is that the society is a strict meritocracy, where someone’s skill in adapting (one of the magic macguffin powers) determines one’s status in society. She’s the mc’s love interest too. She’s around the same age as Eli. She has a very sharp tongue and is extremely skilled, given her father is one of the most powerful people in their country. I haven’t quite fleshed out her character more than this, as this book is still in fairly early stages.

Ollie/Oliver- big buff boi

Oliver is Australian. But like. Caricature Australian. He’s really buff and strong but also very wholesome and optimistic, sometimes borderline toxic optimism. He’s kind of the reigning champion fighter of his country, but only in his age group, which is everyone under 20 (he’s 19). His mother was the one who trained him to fight, and also schools the others in fighting.

Artun- The old cranky lady

She doesn't really show up till more towards the end, but she basically acts as the mom of the group for the final stretch. To her, the entire group are a bunch of children who have seen way too much, even just that they got to her door, as she lives in a very remote place. She is about to throw hands with everyone who traumatized her kids.

King Greed the Avaricious- the antagonist

He is literally greed personified. His kingdom has been in shambles for hundreds of years and he wants everything. Not even for the good of his people, he just wants what everyone else has to the point they get as poor as he *thinks* he is (he actually is rather rich, but not to him).

Setting!

The world the main story takes place in is called Kordra, an unusual landmass, as it looks very similar to a compass. It has four main countries.

Aur- A golden country with massive amounts of wealth and influence, as it provides food to most other countries, but is a heavy meritocracy based on one's Adapter abilities, even to the point of a noble title not being handed down simply because one isn't skilled enough.

Ruin- Capitalism if it was mixed with the storyline of Fallout with a hint of the Lorax. It was the most prosperous nation for a long time, with it's Molders able to make piles of dirt into pure gold, however this made the leaders of Ruin very greedy and shortsighted, and they ended up using up all of their natural resources and nearly starving their people as they couldn't just transmute food into existence. As such the old kingdom fell till not even it's name remained, hence it now being called Ruin, with only the capital of Matus still standing.

Enta- Basically Australia. Its a mostly desert climate where everything is deadly and you're either crazy or a criminal to live there. It's very survival of the fittest, but not in the way Aur is.

The Hallowed Hollow- Not many know much about it. The people there used their illusory powers to keep up a massive misty illusion that confuses anyone who walks into the forest, to the point they either luck into the exit or starve trying to find it. The people there are very unsure of the outside world, as several decades before the story, an extermination was carried out against them by Ruin, thinking that they may have been hiding some sort of treasures inside.

Here's a map for the visual learners:

Plot!

Finally, the fun part.

The plot of this as-of-yet-unnamed-book is fairly simple in terms of basic structure. Eli goes into the otherworld, meets friends, gets traumatized, gets healing, happy ending.

I don't want to spoil a lot of the story, as I am trying to make it into an actual book, however I will divulge a bit.

Eli starts in Matus, having freshly fallen from the sky, somehow, still working on that, and gets shipped to that lab that Tobi is held at, and they spend many months there before breaking out, basically brothers at this point. Then they go to Aur, then Enta, then HH, and then kick the kings ass somehow. This book is very in it's early stages and so I only wanna give out the barebones, so a lot of it is still a TBD.

I hope you stick around to see the progress, as I'll probably be asking for feedback to see where things can be changed. I do welcome feedback on any of this, but just please be respectful, as this is also a very personal story for me. Thank you!!

[whatanoof]

A Push in the Right Direction

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Cal Kestis x Reader

Word Count: ~7.6k

Warnings: fluff, smut, swearing, sexual tension, rough sex, sex pollen so by default it's dubcon, pining

Summary: Healing injured patients? Psh, easy stuff. Force healing? A little more tricky. Confessing your crush to your very close friend? Damn near impossible until a flower bush shoves you in the right direction.

A/N: Happy birthday my friend @marvelassassin221b!! I hope you are staying safe, and that your birthday will bring happiness and wisdom to your life. It's been a blessing talking to you and laughing at memes together <3 Thank you for giving me the push to get this fic done and posted, I couldn't have done it without you. Enjoy some of our favorite redhead Jedi ;)

You’ve always been terrible with directions. Like, it’s a miracle you haven’t gotten lost in more dangerous settings, but even your Jedi Master used to shake their head when you had survival exercises in your Padawan years. Greez too, makes comments about how atrocious you are at navigation. You hadn’t been allowed back to the holomap since a disastrous set of directions landed the Mantis on the more unfriendly side of the Outer Rim.

But even with all of your shortcomings at mapping, you have a solid crisis mode. You need to have one as a medic. It’s not a good idea to freeze when a patient is bleeding out on the ground in front of you, there is only one way that is going to end, and it’s not going to be a happy ending. Under pressure, all of the unsureness that surfaces during your attempts at navigation vanishes, and your body is moving before your mind even consciously thinks to. It’s your zen mode, almost your place of meditation, where you give into the inner instinct and allow the Force to guide you through the process. Too bad you can’t reach that state in any situation other than emergencies, maybe you would be able to navigate your moves in confessing a crush.

You had met Cal Kestis on Bracca. He’d cut his hand open on a jagged edge of wall paneling, and Prauf brought him to you, one of the few healers among the scrappers. You couldn’t tell what exactly it was that gave him away to you, but the instant his eyes met yours, you knew where he had come from.

Of course, you waited until Prauf had gone back to work to reveal yourself. Healing through the Force decreases the chance of infection, is painless, and is essentially instantaneous. While your normal supplies would have done the trick, the drama queen in you realized this would be the perfect way to show Cal he wasn’t alone. Force healing is tricky, but you’d had a surprising knack for it ever since your youngling years. The Order had trained you up in the way of Force healing and given you the tools to take advantage of your aptitudes. Cal’s face had been priceless when you simply waved your hand over his, and the wound closed within seconds.

There was a certain comfort in knowing you weren’t alone. Admittedly, in the long years after the Purge, you’d toyed with the idea that you had been the only Jedi to escape. Those had been dark days, where you could barely scrape together the energy to forage for food and water, laughing that the Jedi Order would die with a single Padawan who had lost her lightsaber along with everything she had known.

But then Cal stumbled into your little cordoned off area. You’d become close friends from that moment to the day Prauf died and the Ninth Sister shoved you both off of the cliff and onto the freight train below. The Mantis crew was surprised, to say the least. They had gotten reports of a single Jedi wreaking havoc on Bracca. But they welcomed you aboard and you had become the team medic, patching up Cal when he got back from missions and finding time in between to try and recover the Force abilities you had lost to time.

---

“Hey.” You look up from your work. Medical supplies lie strewn across the floor of your part of the room, bandages unwound and your meager supply of medication stacked methodically in the corner.

Cal looks down at you from the doorway, a streak of something across his cheekbone. You want to wipe it off, but you just smile back, “Welcome back. Find anything cool?”

His happy grin only widens, “You’ll have to come and find out.”

“What?”

He beckons you towards the main hull, “Come on!”

Cere and Greez are already there and seated around the meal table, and BD is perched on the table, chirruping animatedly as if talking to Cere. You take your place with them, noting the empty chair to your right. Merrin is back on Dathomir, searching for ancient texts about Nightsister magic and rituals. She’s been gone for several days, but you still find yourself seeking out her snarky comments and cool confidence.

“Okay.” Cal stands at the head of the table, rubbing his hands together in a way that makes him seem as if he is playing the adult. “I’m willing to bet you're all wondering why I’ve called you here today…”

“Spit it out Cal, you woke me up from a nap for this.” Greez eyes the redhead grumpily, and you fight to hide a grin. Cere also looks mildly amused, if slightly impatient.

Cal rolls his eyes, but continues, “Cordova left a message, saying something very valuable to our quest is locked in a vault in the Zeffo caves. I found the vault today and it matches Cordova’s description, but we need two Force users to access it.” He nudges BD, and the little droid projects an image of the vault door. It’s massive, with gold decorations swirling across it, and two obvious indents in the ground on either side for said Force users.

Everyone’s gazes flit to Merrin’s empty chair. It’s without question she would have been the best fit for this mission. Her combat style complements Cal’s perfectly, and Cere is still hesitant to use the Force.

Realization strikes you, and you glance up to see everyone’s eyes are now trained on you. You begin to shake your head. “That’s a bad idea--”

“We’ll be fine. I’ll lead us directly to the vault. I have my saber, and you have your Force healing. Worst case scenario, you have to patch me up in the field.” That is definitely not the worst case scenario, but there are no other options. This mission is time-sensitive, and you can’t wait for Merrin to get back from Dathomir.

You fix him with a stern glare. “I will come. But--” You hold up a hand when Cal opens his mouth. “You have to stick with me. No disappearing and popping out to scare me, because I will get lost We go in, and we get out.“

“I wouldn--” Cal protests.

“You would.” You snap.

“Yeah, he would.” Cere agrees.

“Sounds like something you would do.” Greez nods.

BD beeps cheerily from its place in the center of the table, clearly in agreement with you.

Cal shuts his mouth with an audible pop, and you cross your arms while staring him down. Yes he would.

“I need BD back here on the ship. I’m running diagnostics on the navigation programming, and I can’t do it alone.” Cere speaks up.

Cal hesitates. You understand; he never goes on missions without BD. The two are a package deal, but everything needs to be running at peak efficiency before you go to the Fort Inquisitorius. And there’s no way you’re willing to deal with a navigation error en route.

You speak up, “Yeah, it will be fine.”

Cal looks at you, “We need BD to unlock a shortcut. What happened to in and out?”

You wave him off, “We’ll take the scenic route. Cere needs BD back here, and we can manage without. We’ll have our comm units, it will be fine.”

---

Do you know that saying, “Famous last words?”

Yeah. You hadn’t realized just how famous those last words could be. It started when Cal realized he’d left his comm unit on the ship in the charging port. But it was fine, because you had yours. Until you dropped it into a puddle after tripping over a tree root.

The scenic route involved passing through the outskirts of a forest, and the terrain was a little trickier than you had been prepared to handle, obviously. So, commless and armed with a single lightsaber and two shared brain cells, you travel towards the entrance to the Zeffo caves.

A flower bush catches your eye. Its leaves are a shocking shade of red, with gorgeous blue flowers that seem to call you over to them. Cal keeps walking even as you stop and reach for the bush. You pluck the flower in the fullest bloom and turn it over in your hand, admiring the veins of deeper azure spider webbing across the petals.

Cal says your name behind you, “We have to keep moving if we’re going to get back before dark.”

Turning to face your companion, you tuck the blossom behind his ear and step back to admire how the blue contrasts against his hair. The word slips out almost without you noticing. “Cute.”

It’s almost comical how quickly his face blooms red. “Guh--”

“It’s a good look.” You reassure him quickly. “Adorable. Pretty. Cute.”

“--Thanks!” He ducks past you to the bush. “I’m just going to grab a seedling for Greez. He’ll like this one.” Cal grabs one of the large pods and breaks it open, removing a seed and sticking it into the pouch on his harness. “Okay, ready.”

But you’re distracted by the red pollen that explodes in a cloud around his head, dusting him with a fine mist that leaves scarlet traces on his face and shoulders. “What’s that?” You step forward and run a finger across Cal’s poncho, collecting the dust and rubbing it between your fingertips. You hesitate, then raise your hand to your face to smell the substance. The sickly sweet scent and underlying current of spicy musk sticks in your lungs. The back of your throat tickles, and you sneeze.

An echoing sneeze draws your attention. Cal leans against the flowering bush, one arm clamped over his nose as he sneezes over and over again. He glances up at you, coughing with watery eyes, “Wha--”

A spike of dread pierces through you. ‘Stars, was it poison?’ He won’t stop coughing, a dry rattle as his body tries in vain to purge the intruding red dust. You fall to your knees beside him. Panic fills your mind, blotting out logic and reason and you place your hands on his body, intent on Force healing him even though you don’t know what is wrong with him. Then, just as suddenly as the coughing started, it stops and silence rings through the trees.

“Cal!”

You're shoving your hand underneath his poncho in an instant to feel for his heartbeat. You hold your breath. You can’t feel a pulse. You scramble to rip his poncho off completely, dragging it over his limp shoulders and head. You shove your fingers against his throat again. There!

His heartbeat flutters delicately, beating a rapid tattoo against your fingertips. You allow yourself to breath. He’s alive. But his pulse is fast, too fast. You rip open his tunic, though you’re not entirely certain what it is you’re searching for.

Just as your fingers brush over his skin, Cal bolts upright with a gasp. “Wh-- where...?”

You swear you almost pass out from the relief that slaps you across the face. “Stars, I thought you were dead. I’m so sorry about the flower bu-- mmm!”

Cal smashes his lips onto yours, pushing you onto your back with the sheer force of the kiss. His tongue dips into your mouth, searching and probing and damnit you can’t breathe when he’s this close to you, this desperate. His hips jerk against yours with an unpracticed, aborted motion, dragging a very prominent erection against your body that makes you jerk back in surprise.

You push him away from him for a second, propping yourself up on your elbows as you search his face for some indication of… you don’t know what. But this isn’t like him. “Cal, what--?”

“Need you.” He groans, his hands roaming over your body without fear or shame and inspiring a wave of pleasure as he squeezes your breasts. “Maker, you feel so good. Smell so good.” You bite back a moan. This really isn’t the time, not in the middle of an Imperial occupied forest. But to be completely honest, he feels really good too.

You’d imagined this before. Well, not these exact circumstances, but the idea of being under Cal. You’d imagined the feeling of his hands scraping over your skin and squeezing your body wherever he would like. You’d imagined his lips on yours, and other places for sure. But you’d really only ever been able to envision Cal as a gentle lover, all quiet moans and hesitant movements and unsure expressions. But this rougher side? You moan raggedly against Cal’s mouth as he shoves a thigh between your legs, rubbing up against your clothed sex. This is amazing.

Streaks of heat flash through your body, converging between your legs. Everything is amplified, the sounds around you, the grass beneath your knees, the blueness of the sky overhead. But it all seems to pale when your attention lands on Cal, who’s more flushed than earlier. You feel the heat beneath your skin too, but he’s got to have it worse right now, because you’re not the one sweating like you’re stranded on a desert planet. Maker, the pollen was some kind of--

His name escapes your lips in a tiny whisper that morphs into a moan halfway through. You allow your head to fall back, and it thunks against the spongy moss across the ground, knocking you back to the present. Cal’s lost in you, his nose buried in the crook of your neck as he ruts weakly against your thigh.

You shake off the haze clouding your mind, crisis mode kicking into full gear. You have no comms, one horny Jedi, and a completely hopeless sense of direction. “Cal. We have to move.”

He whines high in the back of his throat. “No.” It’s almost pleading, but there is an undercurrent of steel that makes you pause.

“Cal. We’re out in the open. Troopers co-- could--” Stars, you can feel the lust pumping under your skin, so close to the surface that it could burst out at any second. But fear hovers on the edge of your mind, pressing in and suppressing the need to jump Cal and reminding you of the certain torture and death that would occur if you were caught.

Cal doesn’t seem to have any of the same restraints as you. His fingers are carding through your hair, “Just wanna feel you. Maybe more.” His teeth latch into your neck, and the dull pain pierces through the haze more firmly.

He got dosed more heavily with the pollen. You resist the urge to curse as you gently detangle from Cal and sit up, biting back a sigh of relief as his teeth leave your skin. “We have to find shelter.” You begin to look around, but all you can see is the forest. You need something better, a place where you can figure out what exactly is wrong with Cal. You try to stand.

“Noooo…” This isn’t going to work. You actually do curse this time. How are you supposed to find effective shelter while dragging a full grown man around hostile territory without compromising stealth, all while your libido is cottoning to the edge of your mind, clouding your judgment?

“Come here…” Cal’s arm wraps around your neck, dragging you back down to the ground even as you try to stand. Okay that’s enough.

“You’ll forgive me later, Cal.” You press your thumb to his forehead and concentrate. His skin is dry and burning to your touch, and your brow scrunches. That’s going to be an issue. You reach to tap into the Force, but you pause. Your Force connection is… foggy. That’s the only way you can describe it in words, but it’s muted and dimmer than usual.

Your Jedi Master taught you a metaphor for using the Force: a barrier exists between you and access to the Force. It’s a wall, and your mind must become like a sharpened sword to pierce through and reach the Force. You can feel the barrier, just as always, but it’s like a second layer exists around it. If the normal barrier is made of thin glass, the new layer is crafted from paper; it’s strange, and thicker than usual, but still easily pierced with extra… force if you can say that without making yourself laugh at the pun. You summon the strength and press your mental sword forward through the barrier.

Rest. Cal’s eyes roll back in his head and he falls asleep with a gentle exhale. He relaxes against you, and you relax in turn when you see the pained lines smooth out of his forehead. Jedi healing includes your own personal anesthesia on demand. It will keep him under for a little bit, though you can’t tell what kind of effect the pollen will have on the Force sleep.

Through some feat of the stars themselves, you struggle to your feet. Cal’s arm is looped around your neck, and you want nothing more than to just sink down to the ground again and give into the weakness and lust pulling at your legs, coaxing you to collapse and take your pleasure. And stars, Cal’s heavier than you expected him to be.

But you shake yourself awake. Can’t get distracted. You glance at Cal’s drooping head. He’s been strong for you this entire time. The least you can do is be strong now and find some shelter. But where?

Voices filter through the trees, and your head jerks up towards the sources.

“Yeah, she told me to take the bucket off, or she would charge the full payment and…” Stormtroopers. Kriffing hell.

“Come on.” You hiss underneath your breath. You gather your legs underneath your body and push. Your muscles scream in pain, but they ultimately obey and you stumble to your feet and begin to move away from the approaching voices. Cal is dead weight over your shoulders, pulling and urging you to rest. It would be so easy to give in, to sink back to the ground and let Cal do what he wants.

The trees blur together as you move through the forest. The stormtroopers’ voices are getting louder and you grit your teeth. You don’t know their patrol route. How are you going to avoid them? All you can do is place one foot in front of the other. Then the mossy ground turns to stone underneath your feet, and you slow. Caves. Perfect.

You hurry inside, fatigued legs forgotten in your relief. There’s a bend directly beyond the mouth of the cave, and you gently lay Cal against the wall. You’re completely hidden from anyone looking from the entrance. You sit opposite him, your head falling forward to sag against your chest. Now what?

Your comm unit is busted, and Cal’s is sitting back on the Mantis, so you can’t contact the crew. You hold a hand to Cal’s forehead. His temperature is getting worse. You don’t know what infected him, so your Force healing is out of the question. The only bright spot is you’re pretty sure the stormtroopers won’t find you. They’re not exactly recruited for their brains, and you’ll be able to sense their muted Force signatures if they get close.

Speaking of…

You trail off, contemplating Cal’s unconscious face. His head sags against the rock wall and there’s a line of drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth. His brow is finally relaxed, his breathing deep and even and it strikes you that this is the most peaceful you’ve ever seen him.

You reach out through the Force. It has become a habit for you, Merrin, and Cal to find peace in each others’ Force signature. Whether nightmares or difficult missions, the others would be there as a silent comfort.

Merrin’s is a mixture of whites and creams swirling against a dark maroon background. When she uses her Force magic, there is an unmistakable green tinge through it. Hers is powerful, with a sense of underlying safety in her strength. True to form, Merrin has been a protector figure in the Mantis.

But Cal’s is more diverse, a blend of warm colors against a grey background with blue tinging the edge. But while the colors are chaotic, Cal keeps a firm hold on his Force presence at all times, never allowing it to surge violently from emotion. He does not suppress it completely anymore, but you know he has the ability to make it nearly disappear from the senses of another Force user. You should know, because you can do the same. Merrin grew up without fear of having to hide her Force sensitivity, but you and Cal survived the Purge. You both have firm grasps of your thoughts and emotions projected through the Force. So in Cal, you found a kindred spirit that understands you better than almost any other person in the galaxy could. You’ve become more familiar with his presence than even your Master’s before the Purge.

But now, your brow furrows as you search for his Force presence over and over, pushing into every crevice of the surrounding environment without violating his privacy. You’re not mistaken. It’s gone, almost as if he has been turned into a droid before your eyes. Every living thing has a Force presence, no matter how minute. But Cal’s comforting whirl of light is gone, vanished as though he is no longer connected to the--

Cal’s eyes fly open and he sits forward with a quiet gasp. You jump. It’s worn off then. You secure his body with the Force, holding him loosely so as not to cause any lasting damage. You would have to tackle the Force connection problems later.

“I need you to focus.” He pushes against the bonds with a whimper, and you bite your lip as you struggle to hold him still.

“Cal!” Your Force bind tightens, and he stills with a grunt. “Talk to me. Fight through it.”

He shakes his head, eyes screwed shut. “Hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“Every-- ah! Everything. Can’t-- can’t th-think. Only thing-- makes it better… you.”

What? Your concentration lapses and the bonds loose. He lunges forward and buries his nose into your neck again, inhaling you as his hands scrabble at your clothes. “Hurts less with you. Smell so good--soft. Please?”

Stars, you can’t think straight with him touching you like this. You bite back a moan as his hands roughly squeeze your breasts through your shirt. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt to give in. Just for a little. Indulge, and then you can figure out a way back to the Mantis. Then Cal raises your shirt and licks a long stripe up your neck, and that’s all the convincing you need.

You melt into his mouth, your hands running under his shirt and harness. His chest is just as feverishly hot as his forehead, but you can’t bring yourself to care when he swings a leg over yours so he’s hovering over you, knees planted on either side of your body. His hands shove your shirt over your head before setting to work on the button of your pants. You raise your hips to allow him to pull your pants under your butt. Your own hands yank at his clothes, silently begging him to strip with you.

But he doesn’t. He kneels between your legs and pulls your underwear to the side, exposing your wet folds.

“Cal--!” You’re cut off as he drags his tongue over your pussy, flicking against your clit at the end. Your stomach muscles contract, and it’s all you can do to keep quiet as he licks deep into your core.

---

The world is blurred. It’s like something crawled into his head and messed with his brain, dragging his focus away from more important issues… he can’t seem to remember right now. He can’t even feel the Force. His connection is compromised, the colors of the world are off, and there’s this bone deep ache within his body urging him closer to you. And as he’s drinking in your taste, the pain subsides and he can breathe again.

What is this? What’s happening to him? It has to be the pollen, it has to be its effect on his body, that’s why he’s lost all control over his mind and self. It’s why he can’t hold himself back from your body and you.

You’re all he can focus on; you’re so beautiful writhing under him as he tastes you. He’s never done this before. He can’t figure out why he hasn’t done this sooner, because you taste amazing right now and how you sound as he slides his tongue through your folds is doing things to him that he’s never experienced before.

His hips are dragging against the floor unintentionally. The friction of his dick against the rough material of his pants is a small slice of heaven, and he whimpers at the pure electricity spreading down his spine. He doesn’t want this to end so soon, but his body is shoving him towards the edge of release and the relief he knows is going to come with it.

---

A moan keens high in the back of your throat as Cal’s mouth presses against your soaked core. It’s sloppy and clumsy, but Maker if he doesn’t make up for it with enthusiasm. The only sounds coming from him are tiny moans and grunts and you shudder as his fingers dig into the pillowy flesh of your thighs, leveraging them apart and holding them there firmly. Of their own will, your hips roll up into his face, chasing after his touch.

You’re completely unprepared for Cal to growl when you do so. His grip tightens, and you squeak as your thighs are spread even farther apart and his mouth completely envelopes your clit.

Is this what heaven feels like? You can barely manage coherent thought when his tongue is devastating you like this, but thequestion rotates around your lust dumb brain as your toes curl and your back arches. Your release rushes up and sweeps you away, your core clenching as waves of pleasure wash over your body. You hear Cal whine as you cum, and you hear your own moans as you ride out your orgasm.

---

Stars, why hadn’t he done this sooner? The sounds that he’s pulling out of you right now could make him come in his pants on the spot, and the taste of your release has him rutting against the ground all the more insistently as he chases his own high.

But he doesn’t want to come in his pants, he wants to be inside of you. He wants you, your body squeezing tight around him, to feel the wetness seeping around his tongue rather than tasting it, even if it tastes divine.

He grabs your hips and yanks you down so your crotch is flush to his. He nearly loses his mind when your soaked core meets the bulge in his pants. Fuck, he thought he could wait, but he can’t.

But--something is still off with the world’s coloring. Where is the Force? The comforting pressure is gone from the back of his mind, the constant reminder of balance that keeps him in tune with his emotions and surroundings. Panic edges around the perimeter of his mind. In an act of desperation, he reaches for the Force, searching for the whispers of memories that accompany his world. They’re gone. Where did they go?

You whisper his name again, and this time his eyes meet yours.

---

You watch Cal carefully. He’s flushed, trembling as he hovers over your body, hands bare centimeters away from your skin. His eyes are desperate, and you can feel the pain in them as clearly as if it was your own. A bead of sweat tracks down his temple to soak into the collar of his harness, and he fumbles to rip the rest of his clothing off, discarding it on the floor as though it burned against his flesh.

“Cal.” He looks back at you. “Take what you need.”

It’s all the permission he needs. Relief and something else flashes through his eyes before he looks back down and fumbles with his pants fastening. His cock is flushed dark red, and his hands tremble as he pulls it out of his pants, jaw clenched as he lines up with your entrance. He slides into you with a bone-deep sigh of relief, and you cry out at the stretch. Every inch sparks pure electricity up your spine, and your eyes roll back in your head. He bottoms out, and for a heart stopping moment you feel a connection to him you couldn’t describe in words. Your hips roll against his, grinding the head of his cock up against something heavenly. Light explodes behind your eyes at the movement, arching your back and curling your toes.

Cal chokes, a beautiful sound you’ve only heard a few times before; the one that sounds like its been pulled from the deepest parts of his being, like he’s just ascended to another plane above the physical. It’s gorgeous and so insanely hot you’re completely unprepared for his sudden movement when he lunges forward.

Cal’s hand shoots out and presses against your neck, effectively pinning your upper body to the hard ground. You inhale shakily through your nose, but his grip does nothing more than hold you. You can still breathe, but the pressure on your throat sends a shock of heat between your legs with the reminder of the control you just relinquished.

“Stop that.” His other arm slams onto the stone beside your head, and your eyes lock. Cal’s pupils are blown, so dark you can almost see your reflection in the dim light of the cave as he glares down at you.

He doesn’t give you time to respond before he drags his hips away from yours, inch by painstaking inch and rocks back into your body with an easy roll of his hips. He exhales gently as he bottoms back out inside of you, a low moan rumbling out of his throat when he reaches that same depth within your heat.

It’s the eye of a storm; a hurricane you hadn’t known you’d entered. He rocks back and forth again, only there’s fractionally more force and speed to the motion this time. Again, and your body shakes with the force. Another, and you have to bite your lip to stifle the scream when he slams back into your body. It’s like the tide, coming in gradually, but more and more with each passing moment. The force swells, each thrust pushing into you a little harder and making your body shake a little more with each thrust.

A shuddering groan rumbles out of him as he finds the rhythm. The hand not pressed delicately around your throat slams down on the rock next to your head. When you look up towards the cave ceiling, Cal’s flushed skin and tousled hair fills your vision.

His hair, which is usually swept out of his eyes. Cal’s hair has always been so well cared for, usually brushed and slicked back so it doesn’t dangle in his eyes. Now, it’s soaked with sweat and falling into his face as he stares down at you like you’re the only star in the sky.

---

Take what you need? Holy stars, he can barely think enough to comprehend it, but some inner part of him aches at the sentence.

As soon as he realized his heart jumped every time you smiled at something, or that his brain short circuited at the sound of your laugh, he’d sworn he would keep it under wraps. He’d promised himself he would wait until after the galaxy finishes imploding and collapsing around your heads. The first time he’d jerked off to the idea of your body, he vowed to satisfy himself with his hand until it was safe. He’d wait until after the holocron is safe and there’s nothing to worry about, because relationships are messy and complicated and--

Fuck, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about that promise, because how can he regret being balls deep in you while you’re whining and squirming underneath him, when you look at him with such trust even as he pins you to the floor by your throat? His eyes gravitate to the mark on your neck, red and irritated with the indent of his teeth, and he feels his cock twitch even as he continues to pound into you. He likes that.

The promise didn’t keep his eyes from wandering to your face at any opportunity. It didn’t prevent the pressure in his chest from growing over the weeks and months. It definitely didn’t keep Cere and Greez from noticing, and that was a conversation he would rather have scrubbed from his mind.

Take what you need. That one sentence is spinning his world on its metaphorical finger. Take what you need. As if he didn’t want it, but he needed to do it. In all honesty, it had really felt like he was going to die. The burning in his throat that caused the coughing fit, then the racing heart and the overheating; he thought he wasn’t going to make it unless he--

Well, unless he fucked you.

But even if he needs it, he wants it even more, had wanted it for too long. But everytime an opportunity presented itself, he pulled back. He remembers how he threw away the flowers he gathered on the mission instead of bringing them back to you on the Mantis. He remembers every time he denied spending time with you, because his emotions were too raw and close to the surface, and he couldn’t predict his control over his own tongue. Because he didn’t think he could have handled it if you didn’t want him back.

But you had offered to help. Maybe you’d wanted it too, because the whole galaxy could be shoving you in one direction and you would defy it. Nothing can make you do anything you didn’t want to, and that applies to Cal Kestis too.

---

Your orgasm swells up sharp and sudden, gripping you in its claws and shoving you into the attack of muscle spasms and searing pleasure that punches into your abdomen. Your body arches, accidentally hitting your head against the ground.

Cal’s rhythm stutters and his hips jerk forward. His hand leaves your throat as he drops to his forearms. His head drops down to press against yours gently, even as he whimpers and continues to grind forward into your soaking heat.

“Fuck.” Cal gasps, eyelids fluttering rapidly. “Fuck. ‘M gonna cum.”

There’s no time to respond before he’s drawing up and tensing against you. His hips piston in and out once, then he’s cumming and all you can do is lie there and take it. Fuck that’s hot.

You can feel him spilling into you, every warm spurt of cum and every twitch of his cock as he spends himself. Even better is the drawn out groan that trails into his upper register, ending in a tiny whimper. The tension drains out of his face and he sags down, sweaty skin pressed against yours. His arms wrap around your body and he hoists your limp body up as he rolls over. He sits against the wall of the cave, seating you on his lap, cock still firmly buried inside you.

You allow your head to sag back against his shoulder, relishing in the feeling of his body pressed so closely to yours. His hand paws weakly at the fabric of your shirt, and you raise your arms to slide it off. It’s better like this, skin to skin contact seems to calm him down. He buries his nose into your bare neck and mumbles something you can’t make out.

You nudge your head against his gently, “Hm?”

“Thank you.” His lips ghost over the delicate juncture between your neck and shoulder. “Thank you thank you thank you...” He continues to mutter the phrase into your skin, tickling your skin as he nuzzles closer to you.

You should say something. Confess, maybe, everything you’ve been hiding. “Cal, I--” You shift slightly, and something feels off. You furrow your brow and glance downwards at your joining point, “Cal are you still hard?”

He props his chin on your shoulder. “Uh--” He thrusts shallowly up into you, and you stifle a whimper. “Ye-yeah. Sorry?”

“N--” You gasp as his cock twitches. “No. Don’t be sorry. Do you need to go again?” Arousal stirs in your core again, burning a slow path through your nerves and reigniting the flames that had dulled to embers. Your breath catches in your chest and you grind your hips back into his.

“I--I think so.” His voice is strained and his breath comes in short gasps next to your ear. “Not-- not as-- as bad though.”

“That--ah!” Cal chooses that exact moment to pick a spot on your neck and latch on. He nips at the skin before soothing it with his tongue. His hands, roughened with callouses from his saber, climbing, and tinkering, scrape over your skin with just the right amount of friction. You bite your bottom lip. “That’s fine. Should I move?”

His hands find your hips and hold you firmly in place. That’s a no then. His hips rock up into yours gently, and you feel your cheeks warm at the wet sounds of your combined release. Cal grunts, “Let me.”

So you do. You lie back against his bare chest and just take what he gives you, whimpering whenever he brushes against that spot inside you that sends electricity up your spine. You’re gripping his arms so hard you’re sure he’s going to have bruises in the shape of your fingers.

---

Stars, you’re fucking perfect. Just lying here and giving yourself to him. He can feel the Force dimly, but it’s there. The pollen is leaving his system as he slowly fucks you on a cave floor in the middle of a dense forest while stormtroopers patrol outside.

You cry out with his next thrust, the head of his cock striking something inside of you that must feel good because you clench around him and--

Did you just come again?

The additional lubrication only increases the lewd squelch with every thrust, the mixture of his cum and yours only making sliding in and out of your channel easier. He can still feel the effects of the pollen at the back of his mind, and it keeps him hard and sensitive as he continues to fuck you.

He’s aware he should be at least a little worried about the implications, starting at the top with how he’s going to complete the mission and ending with what exactly fucking on a cave floor means for your relationship. Somewhere in the middle is the stormtroopers and the pollen, and the oath of the Jedi Order forbidding relationships. But he can’t grasp it.

Even if there are more pressing concerns, all he can do right now is continue pushing his hips up into your soaking core painstakingly slowly. He wants to enjoy this while he can, while he’s able to fool himself that you want him back. Unless…

---

The only solace you could find in the situation was that you could have Cal, even for these few short moments. Because as much as you may want to convince yourself, a tiny voice inside your head keeps whispering: it’s all the pollen. That’s the only reason why he wants you. And you force yourself to believe the voice, because it’s easier to block off any chance for pain and rejection.

But you know you’re in trouble the second Cal opens his mouth. The words are a harsh whisper, rasping out of his dry throat into your ear, “Beautiful. So gorgeous, giving me what I need, what I want.”

You arch against him and stifle the whimper rising in the back of your throat. His mouth is right next to your ear, so there isn’t anywhere for you to escape from the words that rumble into your brain; words you try to convince yourself are empty. You shove your hand against your mouth rather than allow any sound to escape.

He moans, “Want to do this again. Don’t want this to be just once.”

“Th--that--that’s the pollen talking.” You gasp when you feel his fingers graze over your clit, your own hand drifting back to latch into his hair.

Cal hisses when you tug with a little more strength than necessary, but he doesn’t tell you to stop. One hand supports your weight as he moves you up and down on his dick, the other rubbing little circles around your clit. His hips make up for the lost strength everytime they drive up into you at the lowest point of the rhythm, squelching with every thrust.

“Not--not the pollen. All you. All me.”

You blink, all temporarily forgotten when the words register in your hazy mind. “...What?”

“Wanted this. Wanted this for a while.” Cal finds your clit with his fingers, and you can’t prevent the way your legs jerk and your body seizes against his.

Fuck you’re going to cum. If the first orgasm was a flashfire, this one is a slowly simmering blaze. It creeps up slowly, burning a hole through your abdomen, curling around your ribs and inching down your legs. Your eyes roll back, and your head falls back against Cal’s shoulder.

“Cal. I--I thi--” You try to warn him, you really do. But words aren’t forming correctly right now, and it’s all you can do to hunker down and try to prepare yourself for this truly devastating crest that’s preparing to launch you over the edge.

If Cal gets your warning, he doesn’t show it. All he does is turn his head to the side, press a light kiss to your cheek, and groan, “I think I love you.”

Oh shit. Cal’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect if he planned it. Before you can respond, hell, before you can even begin to fucking process that last sentence, you’re coming hard. Maybe it’s the whiff of pollen you got earlier, or the fact that Cal is the one fucking you so sweetly and thoroughly, or the thrill of being mere steps away from discovery, or a combination of all of it, but this orgasm certainly feels like the most intense of your life.

Spasms ripple outward through your belly, curling you up in Cal’s lap as you ride out your high. Your legs straighten and your toes curl and you clamp down hard around Cal’s cock.

Cal shouts raggedly in your ear, pulling your body close. But even as you whimper and shake on the end of his cock, you remember that you can’t make too much sound.

As if he heard you, Cal burrows his face into your shoulder, his teeth once again finding a place in your skin to muffle his voice as he cums deep inside you once more. His body shakes as he spends himself again, the spasms slowly subsiding with every jerk of his hips into yours.

‘I did hear you.’ There’s a tinge of amusement to the nonexistent voice that echoes in your mind, and you relax back against Cal.

‘Feeling better?’ You nudge him back through the Force, revelling in the feeling of his colorful presence swirling around you once again. The pollen has worn off.

He doesn’t say anything in response, only pulls you close with his arms around you. His mind pushes at yours, and you let him in. You’ve done this a million times, usually on the tail end of nighttime panic attacks, but this time is different. This is the most loose he has ever been with his Force presence, and you allow it to fill the empty parts of your mind. Wait, he loves you?

He rushes over you in the same way the tide comes back to land, calming your fear at finally understanding the weight of his last confession. He’s relaxed, and the familiar energy has a new angle to it, a new emotion you hadn’t felt before in another’s Force signature. You grasp it gently, turning it over and admiring it in the eye of your mind. What is it?

The answer rushes to you just as Cal mutters against your skin, “Love.” The same thing you’d been feeling in the pit of your heart every time you looked at Cal, everytime he kept you safe from the nightmares in his arms and stayed with you until morning, every time you made him tea and did maintenance on his gear after a tough mission.

“I love you.”

You blink up at the ceiling of the rock cave, mouth open with the words just on the tip of your tongue. But they won’t come. The words are stuck in your throat, and try as you might, you can’t make yourself say them.

“Hey.” Cal whispers in your ear, and you shut your mouth. “You don’t have to say it back. But you know that I do, and I know a little of what’s going on up here.” His finger taps the side of your head lightly. "You don't have to figure out where to go from here. I'll navigate."

‘Thank you.’ You send the words through the Force, and he acknowledges them. Yeah, you're shit at knowing where to go when it comes to feelings. But at least with Cal, you won't have to worry about getting lost alone. You sit in peaceful silence for a few minutes, before a thought occurs to you.

“Cal.” His name is little more than a weak rasp off your tongue. You clear your throat and try again. “Cal.”

He grunts unintelligibly.

“Don’t bring that seed back to the Mantis.”

A/N: I will be the first to admit that this fic was hard, because I wanted to incorporate some previous feelings into this to make it less dubcon, and I didn't feel that all plot holes were filled. But that didn't make this any less enjoyable for me, and it was fun to explore a new facet of Cal's character.

Thanks for everyone who gave me inspiration and motivation to keep pushing this through the old brain up here. Smut isn't the easiest for me:)

Taglist: @alliterative-albatross

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10 Legit Ways to Build Passive Income Online

Whether you are a student looking to make some extra cash, a working professional wanting to build a side hustle, or a corporate escapee and whosoever who is starting to build an online business need to have some cash inflow for the further smooth flow of your business.

There are many sites out there saying make money like $100 a day with surveys, with google sites, etc. Of course, they may make you money for a certain period of time but are not long-term and passive.

You always need to look out for ways to make money that are passive. You need to earn money every month and double it. Here are my top creative ideas to make money online. These real methods have worked in past and will work now and then too.

Freelancing

You would have heard a lot of this from others. But yes, this is the first best way to earn some cash before starting out your business. It will help to get some extra money into your pocket as well as fund a little for your software if you are starting out. You can start freelancing with no investment upfront. It's FREE. You can make money online freelancing.

Don’t worry if you think you don’t have any skills. You can learn small skills by taking a free trial in skillshare. There are tons of gigs people are looking for to get their work done and with the right process, you can make money as a freelancer.

By the year 2027, freelancers are projected to make up the majority of the workforce in the United States, with 50.9% of the working population. In fact, at the current growth rate, it’s estimated that 67.6 million Americans will be freelancing by the end of 2021. That’s 42% of the American workforce! (Website planet).

What are you waiting for? Search in-demand gigs on google keywords and search trends. And yes, patience is the key. You need to wait a few weeks while you get your first gig. Start promoting your services on social media and find your spot.

Starting a Blog

As of 2021, there are more than 570 million blogs on the internet, based on activities reported by WordPress, Tumblr, Blogger, Wix, Squarespace, and Medium (and this number is constantly growing) (firstsiteguide).

Now do not get overwhelmed, the one thing is though blogs are growing rapidly, and so are people reading blogs. Of course, blogs are saturated, but when you niche down and find your audience then you can achieve your space in this sea of bloggers.

Starting a blog, yesterday, today, tomorrow, is possible as long as you are using proper rules, like optimizing your SEO, giving unique content to your readers, and more. But, the best day to start blogging for your profit is today and now.

Let us look at some stats on why you should start your blog today

61% of online shoppers in the US say they made a purchase after getting a recommendation from a blog post

Companies that blog actively have 126% better lead growth

80% of bloggers say that they see positive business results from their blogging efforts

Blogs affect customers’ buying decisions as 47% of them go through 3 to 5 blog posts before the buying process (Firstsiteguide)

Give me a better reason why you should not start a blog after these mind-blowing facts.

You can start a niche blog, review blog, cooking blog, gaming blog, parenting blog, and more. Just write what you know or keep an eye on your competitors and outperform them. And blogging is the best for your long-term passive income.

Starting a YouTube channel

Now as we’ve known how YouTube has evolved to be like a video search engine, the platform has grown considerably and is been growing millions of YouTubers.

Again, let’s talk about some statistics about YouTube. YouTube has 2.3 billion users worldwide.

79 percent of Internet users have their own YouTube account.

YouTube viewers watch over a billion hours of video on the platform every day and generate billions of views. (YouTube, 2021)

YouTube is localized in more than 100 countries and is available in 80 languages. (YouTube, 2021)

Every day people watch one billion hours of video on YouTube (source-Oberlo)

Now, the real question is how to make money out of YouTube? Well, there is enough space for you to sink in. Are you a coach, fitness enthusiastic, a person with good communication, or even just an individual with no skills at all? You can make videos, monetize your YouTube account, and earn from AdSense and affiliate marketing.

Umm! Some people may say that YouTube is not for me. I don’t know how to make and produce videos. I don’t have any skills. Well, I have a solution for that. You can make money from YouTube absolutely by not showing your face at all.

Here are some of the niches you can make videos y not showing your face.

If u do not want to record videos, you can head up to free stock videos or images and give a voice-over and start making content.

If you feel shy to start, you will never get ahead. So, the one thing I want to tell to everyone who is shy to make videos and for my younger self, stop doubting yourself. Just do it, don’t care about criticism, success will follow you

Affiliate Marketing

Affiliate marketing is when a person earns a commission for referring a product to others. For eg: You register yourself as an affiliate to promote certain products, when the person you promote the product click on your unique affiliate link and purchases through your link you earn a commission. A commission can range for each and every product.

And the affiliate marketing model is the best, safe model for beginners. You can drive traffic for free and for paid as well. You can be an affiliate marketer if you need a passive income, you don’t need to have any other customer support, you can work from home at your own comfort.

Now, how to register as an affiliate. First, think of what do you like the most. What products do you love using? Type the name in google and see whether there is an affiliate program or just see other affiliate programs in your niche. Choose the one you love so that you don’t feel tired and exhausted in the long run.

There are many other sites where you can choose your products from. You can take products from Click bank, Digistore24, Share a Sale, Jvzoo, and similar other platforms.

Here are the best affiliate platforms for you to choose from

How do you want to promote is the next question?

Well, you can create landing pages in click funnels, kartra, or builderall and promote them through ads. If you are on your budget, you could start a blog and promote it. You can write blogs for free on medium.com. It is a cost-effective way to sell your products. You can create a YouTube channel, talk about how you love using those products, and promote them, you could even use Pinterest to promote your blogs and landing pages.

We all know that Pinterest is a visual search engine and no doubt you can get quite a good sale from affiliate marketing in Pinterest

Once you get your first sale and testimonials you can start your Instagram page and build trust with others to promote the products and scale your business.

Instagram Influencer

Do you love making TikTok videos, always want to be active on social media? Then here is your chance to start earning being an Instagram influencer.

You can start by creating content about the topic you want to talk about the most. If creating a YouTube channel feels a bit challenging, grow your audience and monetize them through Instagram. Feel free to talk about what you feel.

Collect your follower's email IDs. Once you become consistent with the audience and platform, the content you are generating makes a digital course or something you think to monetize your people. Giveaway a lot of freebies, checklists, and many other things to lead your audience to the product you are offering. Build trust with them and try to use all of Instagram's available channels. Use carousals, reels, IGTV, go live to show behind the scenes of your work, and more!.

Staying consistent is the key to grow your audience on Instagram.

Starting a T-Shirt Business

Whether you’re an artist, writer, designer, or entrepreneur, physical products can be the perfect canvas for monetizing your creativity. Yes, you heard that right. You can start your own merch for free. Starting an online T-shirt business is booming in this era an why don’t you be one of them. You do not need to hold any inventory, just design your t-shirt online and publish it.

Let me make it clear. So what is print on demand? How to start your free t-shirt business

Print on demand is a process where you work with a supplier to customize white-label products (like baseball hats or tote bags) with your own designs to sell them on a per-order basis under your own brand.

That means you don’t pay for the product until after you’ve actually sold it, so there’s no need to buy in bulk or hold any inventory yourself.

Plus, with print-on-demand services, everything after the sale, from printing to shipping, is handled by your supplier. Once you’ve set everything up, it takes only a few clicks to fulfill an order once you’ve made a sale.

You can use print-on-demand services to:

Test a business idea or new product line for an existing business without the risks that come with buying inventory.

Monetize an audience you’ve built. Printing on demand is a great option if you’re a YouTuber, cartoonist, or social media influencer who wants to spend your time creating content instead of fulfilling orders.

Create original products for a niche of customers. For example, apparel for people who are passionate about gaming.

Easily print one-off items—t-shirts, books, shoes, bags, wall art, phone cases, clocks, laptop skins, mugs, and so much more. You can send these as gifts or keep them for yourself and your team (source-Shopify)

You can get started with print on demand for almost free with teespring, redbubble, printful . Or you can start your online store on Shopify and sell them as a custom branding.

Do not worry if you are not a pro in graphic designing. You can design your t-shirt on canva and paste the design on your t-shirt too. This is a legitimate and easy business for beginners online. You can promote your merch by using SEO, keywords, and various social platforms.

Let's take a look at the print on demand statistics:

This statistic depicts the market value of the custom t-shirt printing market worldwide from 2016 to 2025. In 2016, the global custom t-shirt printing market was valued at 1.16 billion U.S. dollars, and was forecast to reach a value of 3.1 billion U.S. dollars by 2025.

This is insane amount the industry is making from print-on-demand only.

COVID-19 impact Fabric face mask accounted for 11.14% of all goods sold through Printify in September 2020. (Printify)

A 2020 survey revealed that about 96% of millennials and Gen Z have concerns about how the ongoing pandemic will impact the economy. (BigCommerce)

With more people staying at home and focusing on home improvement projects, the Home & Living category is on the rise, with the first 6 months of 2020 seeing a 243.77% growth. Both canvas gallery wraps (2.19%) and premium vertical posters (1.35%) are in TOP15 products sold by Printify merchants. (Printify)

According to Merkle’s report in 2020, roughly 79% of consumers plan to be more conservative with how much they will spend shopping online during the pandemic. (Merkle)

In the first 6 months of 2020, Printify monthly active users have grown by 69%, with registrations up 39%. (Printify)

62% of sellers in the United Kingdom changed their marketing plan because of the pandemic. Moreover, only 14 percent of businesses have decided to stick with their original marketing strategy for 2020. (Statista) ( All sources- Printify) Read more at: https://printify.com/ecommerce-statistics/ And these are just stats alone. Don’t wait now. Start your print-on-demand business right away.

Online Tutoring

Again, online tutoring is gaining massive demand in this digital age. During the pandemic the online tutoring business was a boom and it will be more in the coming years. Just teach people what you know. There are many people in this world who want to learn and are ready to pay for it.

Whether you know to speak English, or drawing, graphic designing, marketing, business, or anything that matters, turn your own skill into a business

You can tutor in paid platforms like cambly, Oakary, iTutor, or just start teaching in YouTube and create tour own course and sell it. You can create courses and teach in udemy too. People all over the world are searching to learn skills and may be you can teach them what you know and monetize your skills.

Amazon KDP [ Selling E-books and low content books ]

As I told you print on demand is a big thing and so does amazon KDP is too. What is KDP? Amazon KDP is nothing but kindle direct publishing. KDP allows you to self-publish eBooks and paperbacks for free. Amazon gives you direct access to your book on Amazon and allows you to create a product detail page for your book. It also gives you the option to expand your book’s availability on a global scale, making it more accessible for readers around the world. Publishing with KDP gives you full rights to your book, which is not something a traditional publishing house typically allows.

What types of content can I publish through KDP?

KDP allows you to publish eBooks (Kindle) and paperback books. However, KDP does not allow the creation of magazines, periodicals, or spiral-bound books.

Content types typically published using KDP include but are not limited to the following:

Novels

Book Series

Children’s Books

Comics

Cookbooks

Journals

Poetry

Textbooks (source: amazon.com)

Selling Photography

Are you a photographer? Are you making enough money? If no then this will help you , if yes you are gonna make an extra dime.

You can sell your beautiful photos on Getty Images, Pexels, Shutterstock, Adobe Stock and many more sites and earn money whenever your image is downloaded. If it is a subscription-based site then your earnings will be more. You can post your beautiful images on Instagram and become famous. Ultimately you can collaborate with various brands for their product photography.

If your camera is lying there near you, take it and start clicking pictures and sell your photos online.

Selling on Etsy

Etsy is an online market place that works as an intermediary between customers and artists, crafters of handmade items or collectors of vintage products. The company engages in customer to customer (C2C) or peer to peer (P2P) e-commerce in which both the seller and the buyer are private individuals or micro-businesses. This is in contrast to other forms of internet commerce such as B2C or B2B (source: Statista).

Let's head to our facts about how profitable it is to sell on Etsy

Etsy had over 2.5 million sellers at the end of 2019, and we can only expect that this number has increased.

Etsy sellers live all over the world, in 234 countries

62% of Etsy sellers are based in the US.

California is home to the most Etsy sellers with 14% of US-based Etsy shops. (credits: veeqo)

Etsy is a huge commerce platform, with an especially strong US presence. Plus, the fact that most sellers are multi-channel retailers—and also selling their products on marketplaces like Amazon and Shopify sites—suggests that the platform isn’t just for amateur makers. It’s for eCommerce businesses.

So if you’re already selling handmade or vintage products on another platform, it’s worth it to expand and start selling on Etsy.

If you’re starting a business, it’s important to run the numbers before setting up shop—or at least quitting your day job. Etsy does have associated costs, though it’s worth noting that the listing and transaction fees are lower than other platforms, like Amazon and eBay. (cre: veeqo)

So, if you can start your print on demand you can sell it on Etsy too. If you are good at handicrafts Etsy is the best place to promote.

Conclusion

So here are the top 10 ways where in you can make legitimate money online. You can try all these methods one by one. Well, everyone will look for quick methods to make money online, but those won’t suffice for long run.

If you should build a strong business online you need to stay consistent no matter what. Staying consistent will help audience grow along with you on your journey to make money online. For beginners starting out these methods will help you in starting out to make a dime or two.

One thing I need to make particular is you will not see results instantly. You need to try and try, keep on trying. Whether it is 2 weeks, 1 month or 3 months, you should not stop. Keep up that grind and let’s start the digital lifestyle. Start by making money online fore free with these methods and start investing in ads and make the business run for you in long run.

[nenithil]

smartpass:Taking shelter from the rain: Armin&Moblit

Taking shelter from the rain

Armin&Moblit

translated from Chinese

thanks @ourmondobongo a lot for revise！

The work of the Survey Corps changed dramatically after the revolution inside the wall.

In preparation for the recapture of Wall Maria, they have been mustering supplies everywhere, making weapons and operation plans. At the same time, they also do all the publicity because they are entrusted with great hope inside the wall.

Especially members of the Fourth Squad, who have a close relationship with newspapers and the chamber of commerce, are busy as bees.

"So...uh... Hanji-san sent me here..."

It was a rainy day, and Armin went to visit Hanji. After looking all around, he eventually arrived in front of a pub in the street.

"The Squad Leader is still meeting with the Reeves Chamber of Commerce, looking like a long talk. Let's take shelter from the rain first."

Hanji's adjutant wore his usual gentle, slightly troubled expression, leading Armin to a window near the entrance of the pub. Here he could watch the area around the pub where the meeting was taking place, against the intruders.

●

Seeing Moblit, who usually has been on Hanji's side to assist her, at the moment unexpectedly left his superior for the guard work, Armin is quite surprised.

"Uh... Why is the Vice-Captain here? Is it all right for you not to attend the meeting?"

“As the leader of the Garrison Corps was present, it's okay I was not there.

Now, however, the three Corps are no longer separated from each other but have begun to develop by supporting each other and performing their respective duties.

The work with the Reeves Chamber of Commerce is also the same. Although it's currently being mediated by Hanji as a personal friend, it will eventually be handled by the Garrison Corps, which has a deeper foundation in this area.”

In other words, Moblit is now in charge of…

"Handover of work... Isn't it?"

"As a survey soldier, I... can't stay with her forever."

A flicker of imperceptible emotion vanished as his eyes returned to the notebook, which was taken out by him to write something.

●

"Eh, Armin, it's ok to wait for me at the military camp. Why are you going here?"

How long did the rain last? Sometimes torrential, sometimes just drizzling, but it doesn't look like it is going to stop. Just as Armin realized that the rain may continue until dark, Hanji finally shows up.

"Yeah, for I thought it would be quicker to find you here."

"The rain is so heavy, should we call a carriage to take you back?"

"No, Fregel will arrange it for me. We can talk about it here. Would you like something to eat? There's not much to eat, but it seems that the Chamber of Commerce will treat us."

"Squad Leader you are- if you did not eat during the meeting, you did not even eat lunch, didn't you? You must care more about nutrition..."

Hanji nods with "Ahhh, yes, yes, yes" and asks the manager to prepare the meal.

Looking at the scene, "Is this the next Leader of the Survey Corps in case something happens to Commander Erwin." Armin thought.

●

As usual, what Hanji talked about was all about fighting. After discussing various facts, they conceived the plans, then combined them with operations.

"--Um, about how to deal with this rigidification, the modification of the blueprint that came to my mind yesterday... Oh, where did it go? Is it taken by Moblit?

"I remember it was put in the memo. I didn't keep the blueprint."

Yeah, that's how it's been done lately. Hanji opens her memo and pulls out the blueprint.

"(Vice-Captain... Would he...)"

Armin's intuition told him that Moblit was approaching the battle with the same awareness as himself.

"Would the required force be too much for the user?"

"That's why deployment is so important! Armin, about the streets in District Shiganshina..."

Armin answered back, stealing a glance at Moblit, whose elusive eyes were gazing out the window at the constant rain.

“(The Vice-Captain already had the awareness, if necessary, he would count himself among the sacrifice).”.

Armin's idea is no different. Compared with himself, so many lives are more valuable. If facing a choice, someone else should be chosen. He should always be determined to step forward and consider what might happen.

--Survey Corps is a group of people who understand the priority of life. Captain Levi pointed out this.

It's raining in front of Moblit's sight, and in between the raindrops is the reality that people must face. Armin brushed those thoughts aside and turned his attention to what he ought to do.

[arcadialedger]

Please note that I am most likely leaving this platform. I am done being abused. But first? We need to have a discussion. A discussion about hate and bullying in fandom.

All online-- I encourage you to read my story below. Reblog and spread awareness. The Dragon Prince fandom especially -- I implore you read my words, every single one of them. The short of it is that I am done. 

This all began with losing and being blocked by a friend because I shared something they disagreed with. I don’t care what you feel about my initial reaction to this (which I’ll explain below) -- I’ve apologized for not handling the situation correctly. But I will not be shamed for speaking my mind and standing up for myself.

Because no human being deserves to go through what I have endured since last summer.

Following the “callout” post made about me by one of, if not the largest blogs in this fandom, I received hundreds of threats, harassment messages, and death threats. Messages and posts telling me to kill myself were also prominent, on a multiple times a week basis for awhile.

Messages from people who were well aware I have struggled with being suicidal. Due to one of their favorite Dragon Prince blogs speaking out against me, they thought it was okay to suicide bait me.

And it worked. I already struggle with hating myself, am already insecure, and being flooded with these comments which, while I made mistakes, did nothing to deserve, drove me to try and take my own life after years of progress in my mental health.  

Mind you, this is like a 200 follower to 4k follower power dynamic. Which yes, plays a role-- because when you have a large following and influence, you have power. Yet the person behind this had the gall to claim Tumblr clout isn’t real.

People blocking and condemning others instantly at your word? Is power. If people read your words and are influenced, or have their minds changed, or buy or don’t buy something, etc.-- you are an influencer. You have power. And when you’re one of the largest blogs in a fandom, you have a LOT of power.

So take responsibility. 

I was hurt because I lost a friend who I had chatted with for months, did a podcast with, and was generally not only one of my favorite blogs but the center of my experience in the Dragon Prince. I may not have been perfect in my words, but when I was asked why I was quiet/ inactive, I explained how I was hurting, anonymously. I was understandably in pain and upset. I had been cut off for just having a different opinion on a matter, for thinking differently. Even though it was within their rights to block and do so, it felt wrong and it weighed on me.

Is that such a crime?

The callout post and previously described abuse followed, lasting for months until later in the year (this began in June, or around then). It also included screenshots of tweets, when this user does not have Tumblr, and they have stated to have screenshots stored up on their computer of my various posts and interactions. This is creepy behavior, and freaked me out. I felt like I was being stalked, “evidence” being filed away for the very purpose of being used against me. 

I eventually talked things out with the blog per recommendation of my therapist, and thought all would be fine. For a little while, it was. I largely stayed off of Tumblr to heal. Once in awhile I would have a rough, tearful night because something reminded me of what I lost, but I would make it through. Overall, I was making progress.

Then? My Twitter got hacked by one of the people sending me hate. For what had turned out to be much. And after they tweeted some purposefully incriminating and bigoted things to make me look bad, I came home from a weekend in the mountains to a shitstorm.

Twitter has a love hate relationship for me and I barely opened the app unless actively chatting with a friend. So when I saw 700+ notifications, I was surprised. It had never happened before.

I began to scroll through, and when I saw what had happened, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

I had lost over half of my followers and a solid 60% of previous Twitter mutuals had blocked me. But worst of all, I had hundreds of hate tweets directed at me replying to the hackers tweets. Messages had been sent in DMs and accounts blocked, followed, and unfollowed as well.

If you have never felt that loss of agency-- that sickening feeling of words you never said next to your profile-- be glad. Because it is traumatic. I value my words. I value what I have to say. And having that taken from me was worse than anything I had been through here on Tumblr, outside of the suicide baiting (the most direct attack to me and my emotions/ insecurities throughout this entire ordeal). Further, this hacker had clearly stalked my tweets based on some of their comments. 

Hundreds of tweets bashing me, calling me aphobic slurs (knowing I am asexual mind you, as it was in my bio), making fun of my appearance and targeting all of the insecurities which lead to my first suicide attempt in high school, and taking/ editing images of my face and mocking them. This all culminated in a doxing threat-- a doxing threat which made me feel unsafe on a campus I had already been sexually assaulted on. I was once again, after starting the healing process, thrusted back into the darkest time of my life and spiraled into anxiety and depression. I cried a lot overwhelmed by it all, had difficulty sleeping, and felt sick. I started fall semester and couldn’t concentrate on school. I was a mess.

I had once again been condemned, this time for something I had no part in. I tried to example what happened but nobody listened. I had been hung without trial. People were understandably confused, and my entire reputation on the platform, and my page, became a mess of lies, misunderstandings, and more.

If you don’t know the feeling of already hating yourself and being insecure, and having these beliefs reinforced and spread by hundreds publicly across the internet? Of already feeling lonely and unwanted and having the one space you thought you had taken from you? Consider yourself lucky. 

I had a lot of voice actors and creators following me-- accounts I interacted and greatly cherished my mutual with. A handful of them unfollowed, understandably. This online hate mob was sending messages to people demanding they unfollow me, including some of these creators. They had no idea what to make of this mess or what was real and true and just didn’t want to deal with it. Most of the others just stopped interacting with me. @aaronwaltke (tagging so those who don’t follow already click and do so, because he is absolutely fantastic-- he’s a writer for ToA)  who had followed me on the platform, graciously wished me peace with the entire situation after I checked to make sure he had not been subjected to messages or hate, either from my hacker or other accounts. His was the greatest compassion I got on Twitter, before I ultimately ended up just having to delete.

I lost podcast deals because of this with Adrian Petriw, Aaron Ehasz, and Justin Richmond. I do not blame them one bit and would have done the same in the confusion not wanting to get dragged into anything. 

Only to have one of the friends I lost who helped start this interview these very people on their own podcasts. A slap in the face. A zine I had bought to support them came to my door, with the front page proclaiming to “spread a narrative of love.”

I was never granted that chance. That compassion. I had the vultures sent after me with no mercy. And anyone who has been through online abuse and systemic harassment knows just how much it feels like they’re slowly but surely picking at your flesh ( a metaphor I used in one of my old, since deleted posts discussing the situation, and still find accurate), wearing you down until you have no strength left.

Make no mistake, my story is not a one off situation. Many share the same tale of abuse and being driven off of platforms that once gave them great joy. These attacks are coordinated, systemic, and common hobby for these people-- who largely claim to be loving and accepting of all. They are a cyberbullying phenomenon which has risen with the presence of fandom on the internet. And I want to make clear, with current discussions of “cancel culture”, I mean nothing political in that statement. Some might call my experience cancel culture, but I don’t.

It’s just bullying. It’s just hate. These people get off on ruining people’s lives.

And my life was greatly set back and ruined. I had a stain on my past in fandom I could never be rid of. I had to shut down my podcast, took time off of all social media, and most of what I had built, most of my growth, was taken from me while those who incited and/ or spread hate thrived and continued to grow and find success. That was the greatest sting of all. 

I asked the one previous friend who hadn’t blocked me, but had just stopped interacting with me (which I understood and respected, and also greatly respected her perspective, help, and support though this situation in which she largely unfortunately ended up in the middle) for help after explaining everything, and got nothing. They didn’t seem to care, and just blocked me on all platforms. Once in awhile, I would find I was cut off from yet another old friend, or a blog that I had never interacted with before but clicked into, interested. It hurt being cut off, unable to fully interact with the fandom, but I could move on.

That pain would never go away, but I made clear I did not blame them for the actions of those who abused, harassed, and threatened me. I also made it clear they did not owe me anything, including unblocking. 

I just wanted to move on peacefully, but those with the power to enable that did not wish to help. I slowly, when I felt ready, began to be more active on Tumblr again, and once again the hate started up. 

Sometimes when I was hurting, I expressed my pain and loss to my followers just to reach out, because I was sad. I had no idea how to rebuild from all that had happened. This got me more hate an accusations of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. I had no idea what to do, and got trapped in a cycle of needing to talk about it, and getting hate and backlash, but not knowing where else I could turn. 

My doxer came back into my asks, ultimately making me switch schools, and refueled the drama. Speaking up about this got me more backlash-- mostly accounts reblogging (one with tags saying “fuck you”, despite not knowing the full story, and commenting and then blocking me so I could do nothing to respond or get it off of my page. I deleted all posts of the matter, as requested by these people (who validly pointed out they were in the main fandom tags, which I hadn’t thought of and understood), and hoped to move on.

But it hasn’t stopped. I have been beaten down and emotionally bruised for months. I have had my life and safety threatened, my education and by extension life path altered, and lost work (podcast) opportunities due to this-- alongside the irreversible emotional damage from trauma and abuse. My mental health issues and insecurities-- which I have been very open about to destigmatize the subjects and encourage conversation-- were actively targeted to inflict the most pain possible. 

And I can’t even talk about it, without enduring more hate and accusations of “playing the victim”.

Death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, months of bullying and harassment to the most vile degree, which a lot of these people don’t know about because they don’t even bother to read my words. Yet I’m playing the victim. 

And the accusations of bigotry and being hateful hurt, because it couldn’t be further from what is in my heart. I believing in love and acceptance of all. I don’t know how many are religious here, but I found God after my first suicide attempt and that is what his word has taught me. 

I’ve been through too much in life to tolerate this, for lack of a more eloquent term, bullshit. I know what abuse and victim blaming looks like when I see it. And in my 20 years of life, I have gone through too much: constant ridicule and bullying, suicide attempts, sexual assault, major spinal surgery, to just be stomped over and not stand up for my right to basis human decency. 

I refuse to put up with this, so unless I get an apology and some semblance of justice for everything I have been through, I am leaving. I will not participate in a space run by hate and toxicity. I will never claim to be perfect, and I have apologized for my mistakes and wrongdoings. Now, hold those who did this accountable. If you’re reading this you know very well who it was, and I am not naming them for those who don’t. Because at the end of the day I still send nothing but love and wish no ill will towards them.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t expect accountability of one of the greatest influencers in the fandom for their complacency in abuse, threats, suicide baiting, and and absolute ruining of my life and online experience. They enabled this and were well aware they had the power to stop it-- to ask their followers to stop-- and did nothing. They didn’t care-- about a human’s life and well being. 

@dragonprinceofficial, are you aware that this is what many of the fans of your show, which preaches love and an end to the cycle of vengeance, do to others? That this is happening in your space? If you stand at all by the values you preach, condemn it. @staffTumblr/ @supportTumblr-- shame on you for allowing this abuse to happen and ignoring my reports. Shame on you for permitting these people to operate in your platform and for being okay with hosting hate. People have been driven to suicide on your website-- I am one of the lucky ones. 

If you care at all about humanity and stand against this behavior, reblog and spread awareness. Share my story so I may not happen to anyone else. Tag @dragonprinceofficial until they notice and speak out. 

This is my story, and so many others. Make sure it doesn’t happen ever again. No human being deserves to be treated how I was. Everyone deserves compassion, decency, and respect. And everyone deserves a place in fandom. Do better. If you want to reach out to me DMs are open, as well as my email, which is attached to my account. Until this change happens and I am given the support/ help needed to safely function on this platform, this blog will not be active outside of that. 

Thank you all of the many accounts who have supported me, and I am working on getting back to all who have reached out! Your love means the world. You know who you are, and I don’t want to tag in case people come after you for showing me kindness. I am sorry if this is goodbye, to all that have enjoyed my blog. I enjoyed it for a long time  too. I loved sharing my passion for stories, culture, having a space where I could analyze and discuss my favorite things.  I loved getting to share what I had to offer with the world, having fun and posting jokes with my unique sense of humor. I loved interacting with intelligent people/ fellow fans and discussing my favorite stories, offering each other new insights and growing together. I loved the many, many kind and wonderful people who reached out to me in a variety of ways and provided support and friendship.

In the end, it just isn’t worth all of this pain and trauma, and I know when to put my foot down. I don’t want pity, I don’t want apologizes, and I’m not a martyr. I just want my story to make a difference-- to spur positive change in fandom culture/ spaces.  I will be tagging all fandoms in which I have seen this kind of abuse present as well, to reach as many as possible. 

Be safe, and be kind.

- The Arcadia Ledger/ Ryn/ Katie, signing off.

[etherealvoidechoes]

XCOM Worldbuilding: Psionics, Psions, and Cybernetics - Cybernetic Rejection and Workarounds

Some world building for my fics/world, brain let me quickly slap this together.

Partially brought it up in a recent sketch I posted recently. Believe I partially had Enemy Within’s Second Wave option “Mind Hates Matter” where “Psionic soldiers can’t become gene modded or vice-versa,” when I was thinking about this. And then some various cyberpunk/future set franchises where some people can never have cybernetic/cyberware implants and prosthetics because their body rejects them and even anti-rejection medication can’t help them. And/or too many cybernetics can make you disconnect from the world, humanity, and your “original” self.

For my fics, I’ve been treating/working up to psionics affecting and using the psion’s whole body and mind per my observations of how the Templars and Warlock have those glowing purple veins. And with the Elders body degeneration partially being their bodies just can’t handle their vast psionic power. And then I’m kind of toying with an idea that psionics can be an extension of oneself and almost like a second “body”. An extra “nervous system” of sorts.

So losing a limb can affect a psion pretty badly, as it’s like they’re losing the limb twice over; again the whole “extra nervous system”. So their powers are diminished and then when they can call on it, it takes more concentration and effort to perform tasks. It’s all like this for a while until they relearn and rework how they can currently use it. If a psion is able to get a cybernetic replacement for the limb, then they have to rework how psionic “weave of nerves” interacts with the old and new nerves connecting to the new limb. For most, it goes well. For others, their psionics, and (sometimes) their bodies, just reject the cybernetics.

There’s no one answer or reason for rejection of cybernetics. It’s different for everybody. It can be one thing or a combination of things that leads to rejection.

Sometimes the area where the new limb is being attached has far too much residual nerve damage that can not be fixed, even with Meld (and anything else the Elders use). Sometimes it’s just the body rejecting the new limb because of the materials the limb/cyberware is made of, and the psionics begin to treat any future attempts at cybernetic augmentation as a threat no matter what is used. And then for another reason, which is playing on the idea I had that Earth’s natural psionic energy is different from what the Elders use (and have force/inflicted on other races thus corrupting their natural psionics), is that the psion’s power can somehow feel the “taint” of the Elders’ touch/psionics on the cybernetics and rejects them to protect their user. This last one happens most to psions that have been experimented on by the Elders and have been in semi to close contact with them.

Huh, just realizing the last one may partially play into Lynette’s issues with her spine and her psionics. Though most of her issues with her spine are caused by trauma from one failed escape attempt. Her psionics are fine with her arms unless her back is really disagree with her psionics. Fun nearly “broken” limbs times for her.

Back on topic, for the psion I sketched, his is a combination of nerve damage from something severely caustic and then material rejection.

Though they may have suffered rejection, a psion can still use prothetic cybernetics, but it just can never be grafted onto their bodies. They may be able to get away(for those not having material issues) with a few non-major neural/motor communication/feedback/etc. implants to help one become “in sync” with the new limb faster, but anything more than that would make rejection kick in. The new limb has to be crafted from materials that resonate with psionic energies. Which looking at those psi amps being made with alien alloys and Elerium crystals makes me think that would make for the best prosthetics. But who knows, there may be some Earth materials that would work just as well. Construction would go like any other cybernetic limb, with extra care being taken with building the nervous and synaptic systems to properly support the psionic pathways. Have to double if not triple up on that to make sure it can handle psionic energies being channeled through it at various levels. And have to make sure it can handle a spontaneous “evolution” in the psion’s psionics, which will stress the prosthetic with the fluctuation power levels.

If all is done correctly, a psion should be able to bind their power to the new prosthetic. There’s not an instantaneous they will have full control over the new limb. It’s going to be like learning how to walk again. Having to relearn finesse, lots of fumbling while trying to grab things, how much strength to express how to pick up an item without breaking it, working through the disconnect of the new limb not being flesh and blood, loose of feelings if they don’t have those sorts of receptors in the limb, and many other things. And the occasional bouts of dysphoria with the foreign limb and phantom pains. But overtime they’ll master their new limb and it’ll be second nature to them. The dysphoria and phantom pains will nearly disappear once all the psionic nerve pathways have been remade.

Though this can still be a hit and miss with those whose rejection is on the “Great, the Elders touched this. Get it away from me.” But that can possibly be worked around by bathing the cybernetics with Earth’s natural energies to purge the Elders’ touch from the materials used. It would probably be a long process to do that, but can probably be quickened by strong psions and being in an area with naturally high psionic background radiation.

So these are my somewhat rough thoughts. May continue to build on this later.

[pikaflute]

hi, sudafed cleared my sinuses long enough to think so here’s a giant post about most of my charles headcanons

Playlist

OH btw here’s my 4 hour and 23 minute playlist for Charles. Enjoy. Yes I know I’m insane: https://open.spotify.com/user/pikaflute24/playlist/4DBxaaxbqsmJt9Fvl8AgwZ?si=OcXlYCdFRzOhuKa4p_HdUQ

General Headcanons

He was born November 24 1965. He’s currently 56, but I usually write him in his late 40s in most fanfic and content I make. So there’s this middle aged man....

He has hazel eyes. Sometimes they look green, sometimes brown. Sometimes they’ll be white but that’s when he’s using his magic so mind your business

Gear brand over his heart >:)c

:) i think he has piercings and tattoos, a skull (dead man teehee) on his upper arm, a tattoo of a date (the date pickles and him first met TEEHEE) on his left arm also has a tattoo on his arm of the day he “died” on his right. had his ears pierced when he was a teen.

Has a sweet tooth so hard. Smuggles in treats into the drawers of his desk just to snack on during the day and has a mini fridge just filled with ice cream and also sorts of other goodies. He loves brownies and cookies the most

Likes to work out and keep himself in shape. it takes his mind off of stressful things like work and the boys, and just take his morning practice sparring and doing various exercises in the mordhaus gym. 

he’s uh also very flexible so he does yoga a lot when he exercises. don’t. look too deep into that

cannot cook to save his life. he almost burned mordhaus down trying to make himself a sandwich

he can play guitar! he used to play it more often when he was younger but he rarely has the time to play it nowadays. when he does get to play it, it’s usually in private (and mainly songs by dethklok), or it’s to show off to a certain lead guitarist that yes he is playing that solo wrong

he’s ambidextrous but prefers using his right hand. he’ll use his left hand to spar in order to go easy on his opponents because hes a smug cunt

he’s 5′7 but intimidation factor adds a couple inches doesn’t it

has a scorpion named princess as a pet. he lets her sit on his desk sometimes and it scares the shit out of dethklok which makes charles laugh on the inside

hes also a cat person. one time toki brought a cat home and it settled on charles’ lap and he almost cried

loves to be a smug asshole and relishes in it. will not take shit from anyone, especially from some asshole who is trying to pull one over on him

he has no idea how social media works at all. will print memes out to show to dethklok, he’s very fond of cat memes specifically (i can has cheeseburger type beat)

he has no idea what any internet memes means he isn’t going to start learning. he is going to misuse internet phrases. are you boys, ah, finding the imposter? [cue five groans from dethklok]

knows a lot of languages. not a comprehensive list but: french, swedish, norwegian, spanish, italian, japanese, chinese, german, russian and korean

is very competitive. scarily competitive. once he starts losing in smash or mario kart all hell will break lose

very bad at showing emotions or affection, when he gets compliments he gets all red and quiet and mumbles a thank you. 

weird about being touched as well and will usually avoid it unless it’s with someone he trusts

speaking of, his love language is acts of service :)c

hates being called charlie or chuck, unless the right person calls him it ;)

he’s autistic. was nonverbal for most of his life and only talked to certain people, or anyone at all. he stims with his hands and uses his pens to fidget.

has a collection of novelty socks. he likes the ones that have polka dots or stripes

sleeps with a garfield plushie he had since he was younger. it helps him with the nightmares

when any of the boys need help sleeping (usually toki or pickles), he’ll sleep with them in his bed. after dying he had trouble sleeping some nights, so dethklok returned the favor and all piled up in his bed and helped him sleep. he didnt have nightmares after that night

hes nearsighted, and prefers to wear glasses over contacts

lactose intolerant, hes still eating mac n cheese and paying the price

metalhead but pretends to not be just to mess with his boys

crippling addiction to match 3 games. also loves to play minecraft.

overly self sacrificial. puts ones he love needs before his own, results in himself being very isolated and distant from those he cares about because he’s afraid of hurting them

his favorite colors are black and purple

coffee kinda guy. black coffee or bust

has a lot of cute novelty mugs to put his coffee in. he ones from places where dethklok tours, dethklok official ones (the only two that aren’t adorned with spikes), some cat themed ones, a couple that have ties and math references, and one from his boys that says “most brutal manager”. he drinks out of that last one the most

he has a couple of grey hairs and wrinkles, but he keeps them because they remind him that he’s human. also pickles said old men were hot but you didnt hear that from me

likes to play chess but he can never find a good opponent. all the klokateers are too scared if they win and dethklok is too distracted to ever play with him or they end up losing to quickly if charles plays against them

really wants kids. he babies his sister’s sons and daughters a TON (uncle charles always brings the best gifts :) ) and also treats toki like his own son in a way. toki doesnt mind, he really appreciates the love

speaking of, toki does call charles dad once and it makes charles cry for like. a week and a half

his favorite dethklok song is the gears :)

he likes to collect knives as a side hobby, his favorite of his collection is a sleek black one with skulls on the handle

he has a motorcycle and likes to drive it around sometimes to just be alone with himself. it’s all black with a red gear on it

lightweight but only if he drinks the amount dethklok drinks. can hold his alcohol fairly well if he drinks like a sensible human, prefers brandy and wine

he can smoke cigars to be sexy for me and me ONLY

likes to read in his spare time. he likes mystery novels and science fiction

he has soft spot for cheesy sitcoms, they’re his guilty pleasure

his favorite youtuber is lockpickinglawyer. yours should be too

usually sleeps in only his boxers but will wear a shirt if its’s cold. he tends to sleep on his side (also wants to be the little spoon when cuddled but he will never admit that)

takes vacations sometimes away from the boys despite his worry that something will go wrong (it will!). many of his vacations are usually going to visit his family and going to the shore with them, or travelling to somewhere new for a change (cue charles being a yakuza substory on his one vacation per year)

he can sew pretty well. learned from his mom and used to sew the whole his sister use to put through her soccer uniform.

can also do makeup, and usually does it for one of the boys of there’s no one else around to help

bites his lip when he’s nervous. which is a lot

likes chococat and gudetama. he’s a man of tastes

laughs really loud if you catch him off guard. he snorts sometimes too. he’s embarrassed by it, but i think its’ cute

loves law and order obviously 

he likes men

has a lot of pent up rage. very good at compressing it. sometimes

as high priest, he stays up very late trying to decipher the ancient prophecies that dethklok needed to fulfill. he doesnt sleep very much when he starts out because he misses home, so the band makes him come back (or else)

also as high priest he becomes more intune with magic granted to him after he died and he mainly uses his magic to protect his boys when they go back to being a band. also to fuck with them

the band he managed before dethklok was a band named savior who said they were a metal band with a unique sound, but that unique sound was actually just being a christian metal band that were bad at playing music. they also treated charles like shit and blamed him for them doing so poorly with sales and shows. had an unfortunate “accident” with a tour bus after charles had enough of their attitude towards him.  he denies he had anything to do with it (he did.)

Family/Childhood

He’s the baby of the family. Spoiled rotten to the max. He doesn’t admit it though but whenever he comes home you know he abuses the “:)c im the favorite” card

He has 4 older sisters: Caroline who is a high school civics teacher, Cynthia who is a librarian, Callie who is a coach for a soccer team, and Charlotte who is a lawyer/manager who manages Ladyklok, which gets awkward (and funny) when Abigail starts dating the lead singer Natalie

charles is actually one of the tallest in his family. his dad is 6’1 and his older sister Callie is 5’11. cynthia is 5’6, caroline is 5’6, and his mom and charlotte are 5’5.

his mom is a doctor and his dad is an accountant. his mom’s name is giovanna and his dad’s name is elijah

caroline is the oldest sister, followed by cynthia, callie, charlotte then charles.

Charlotte and Charles are sworn enemies since they were born on the same day a year apart and basically have the same job. They do love each other though

His father calls him Charles. Caroline and Cynthia call him Charlie. Callie calls him Chuck. Charlotte calls him Charles (derogatory). His mom calls him a whole slew of nicknames that she made up when he was young (she calls him cheese ball and he turns red)

caroline has a wife (lauren who is a chef) and two kids (evan and shelby)

cynthia is dating a coworker (viola)

callie has a husband (john who is a stay at home dad) and they have three kids (brenda, melissa, and jeff)

charlotte is dating ladyklok (and abigail). this is a weird flex on charles i think.

He had a race car bed when he was like 5

He also was also one of those kids at family game night. He almost killed Cynthia over a game of monopoly

Always got to lick the spoon first after his mom baked brownies

He grew up in North Jersey (derogatory) (also yes im projecting state shot)

He’s also Italian (derogatory)

He got bullied in middle school for a little bit but once his older sisters found out, oh boy did all hell break loose

Was in band in high school. He played flute (DONT TALK TO ME I LIKE PROJECTING), he was of course a soloist and incredibly smug about it

Took gymnastics as a kid. Can do a backflip on command. Also very flexible.

First manager gig was helping his sisters sell girl scout cookies. They raked in a lot of profits when baby bro was behind the scenes. His cut was eating thin mints for free

Loved Star Trek when he was a kid

Was incredibly gifted, and taught himself to read at a young age. didn’t talk that much though

was always sick when he was little. he would always get sinus infections and colds if someone even sneezed weird

was in mock trial in high school. one guy on his team was a jerk to him so charles made it a point to be this poor kid’s nemesis

was on the student council, treasurer of course.

was also in nhs, and he was treasurer there too

was that kid who insisted on doing the group project by himself because he didn’t want to wait on anyone to finish their part

was super rowdy as a kid, always got into trouble but his mom was a little lenient of punishment (hes a mommas boy)

when he was like super young he bit people cause he was just a little monster (charles' sisters: mom charles is biting again. charles, biting one of them: im not :/ sheesh)

wanted to be a lawyer since he was 7

put his own siblings and parents on trial and would win every trial and would always get the last cookie or a higher allowance

he shared his room with his sister Charlotte and they would set up a pillow fort on one of the beds and stay up late reading together 

loved going to the beach as a kid, his mom still has his collection of shells from the beach

on the boardwalk, he would dominate at claw machines anad carnival games. he won a bunch of plushies from himself (and his sisters obviously)

his dad and him have a super close bond. they watched star trek together and also like to watch how the stock market would do. his dad was also sometimes the judge in charles’ mock trials at home

they were very supportive when he came out as gay, he was also the first of his sibilings to come out of the closet

College

Got his masters in business management at rutgers and a JD (law degree) from seton hall law.

Started college when he was 18 (1983) and ended college when he was 26 (1991)

Wasn’t a party guy. Never got invited to many, but he never went unless a certain redhead was in town

Sustained himself off of ramen, coffee, and SSRIs to get his masters (hey man i feel ya)

Did weed like three times. Three of those times were because of, you guessed it, a certain redhead

Speaking of, his first time having sex was in his dorm with Pickles. Pickles also kicked him off of the bed (those beds are fucking tiny) while they slept, and almost burned Charles’ dorm down trying to make toast the next morning

Absolute did not do essays until the night before. Bad habit that made it’s way into Dethklok managing when he’s forced to write a legal brief before 12 am.

Loved calculus 2 for some reason. Nerd

Had a mullet. Pickles thought it was hot (still is) while Charles would rather die than remember anything about that horrid hairdo

Also went through his goth/emo phase while in Law School. He stuck out amongst the sea of sweater vests and polo shirts

Was in a band with his fellow college bandmates. The band was called Habeas Corpses and he was the lead singer who also played guitar. Their sound was kind of similar to TWRP’s first two EPs (The Device and 2nite). they had a grunge aesthetic, and yes charles dyed his mullet black (with a purple streak), for the band.

his bandmates were all fellow law students. dillan was on drums, margaret was their bass guitar, and nick was their keyboardist. all three of them also got tutored by charles while in law school. they are still best friends and write to each other sometimes

Was on the debate team, but uh kicked off due to be very competitive (he threatened to punch the opposing debater)

Was also in the chess club, also kicked off for being too competitive (lunged at a kid for cheating)

After being kicked from the two previous clubs, he joined fencing, his very competitive nature made him the best in the state

nick (the guy in charles’ band) was charles’ roommate the whole time they were in college. they may or may not have had a brief relationship before they realized they would be better as friends

nick also has a nes and charles loved to played zelda and wrote an entire guide for himself because he’s was that into the game (nerd)

occasionally would be found sleeping in the library on campus

wanted to be an RA but the resident association at his schools thought he was a little much. charles took this as a compliment

worked out a lot between studying and classes. a lot of jocks underestimated him because of his size but charles was just :) [casually lifts something heavy]

a lot of fellow classmates thought he was super cool cause of the leather he wore, and how cool and quiet he was, too bad they didnt know he was a huge nerd

tried skateboarding. once.

had a cadillac that barely started and drove like a piece of shit but that was charles’ baby

pickles tried to have sex with charles in said car btw, charles almost killed him for even daring to suggest to tarnish his beautiful baby

has damaged his back permanently because of all the books he used to carry around in his crappy back pack

did some modelling for one of his friends in college. he was very attractive and got some other modelling job through it. he tries to hide that from the boys in the future because he thinks it’s embarrassing

Relationship with Dethklok

Pickles - he’s known the drummer the longest out of any other member, and if you couldn’t tell by now, he had a brief relationship with the drummer back in the 80s (and maybe also still has a crush on him :)). charles respects and admires pickles’ talent as a musician and sometimes they play together when they have time alone. he tries to be there when pickles has a relapse in either emotions with his family or something else, but still tries to maintain a distance because he thinks that pickles doesn’t feel the same as he did in the 80s. (he does btw). nothing could break the bond these two share. not even death

Nathan - understands nathan’s quiet nature (nonverbal kings!) and strive for perfection in everything dethklok creates because he is the same way. their similarities allow them to connect on a level that allows nathan to open up about his feelings that he likes to lock away. nathan also gets charles to open his feelings up and actually care for himself for once in his damn life. charles also helps nathan with the depression he develops after charles dies and how to deal with it despite it being not brutal. nathan wants to give back and he does by becoming one of charles’ closest friends (and maybe even lovers hehehe)

Toki - charles has taken it upon himself to be toki’s father figure after seeing the way toki’s family has left him for essentially dead. ever since toki joined the band, charles has made it a point to be there for him whenever he needed it. even if it meant spending late nights reading to toki or sleeping over in toki’s room to help him sleep, he’ll do it. he blames himself for toki’s disappearance but toki assures him that he did the best he could. toki calls him dad a lot after doomstar. it makes charles cry.

Skwisgaar - unstoppable asshole meets immovable object. skwisgaar sees himself above everyone else like he does with the other dethklok members but with charles, skwisgaar knows that charles isn’t intimidated by him nor will he bow to the guitar god in anyway. this develops a game of cat and mouse between the two, with skwisgaar trying to no subtly push charles’ buttons and to see what makes him ticks, while charles resist him at every turn with a smug ‘:) is that all you got’ and it delights him to finally see the guitarist squirm under pressure.

Murderface - at first the two are very. distant to say the least. murderface used to see charles as unemotional robot and charles was fine with that and accepted the distance. overtime however, and especially after charles died, murderface warmed up to charles confiding in him things he hasn’t told the band, mainly things about his insecurities because charles is ‘fucking smart with crap like this’. and charles helps him and is happy to see him work out his problems and not bottle them anymore like the rest of his bandmates. charles also enjoys murderface’s company as a friend as well. and….he’s gonna help murderface the most with the whole traitor stuff too.

Abigail - mlm and wlw hostility. but seriously they’re good buds. he sympathizes with having to deal the moronic actions of dethklok on a daily basis and also thinks she’s really intelligent and overall fun to hang out with. they take lunch breaks frequently together and like to make fun of people at dethklok dinners together as a fun activity together. abigail will bully his ass once she finds out she’s dating charles’ sister and WILL bring up those baby pictures to get a higher raise thank you very much

Knubbler - can you say coworker besties! like abigail, he gets along because they both have to deal with dethklok being, well dethklok, but with knubbler, charles can relax a little more. the two cause problems on purpose just because they can. the two are also close friends and knubbler tries to get charles to relax for once in his life, and despite charles protests and objections, he sometimes caves and hands out with his friend (maybe boyfriend OOOOO who knows)

Sex Headcanons (IM SORRY)

um maybe he can have a giant dick (10 inches for me), it do be swinging though

daddy kink (everyone stay on this side, ill take care of him….come to daddy ;)c)

likes to do roleplay. he has a lot of costumes prepared for when his partner wants to do a scene with him

likes to bite and be bitten during sex. after a very long night, he’ll be covered in bite marks, it’s kinda hot

no gag reflex ;) he likes to deepthroat but good luck trying to get him to go down on you without him teasing

remember how i said he was flexible like eight times? yeah he uh, uses that a lot to his advantage. likes being fucked in weird positions because of it

the suit stays on during sex

he likes topping because he likes to be in control of everything he does all the time, but really wants to be told what to do sometimes and will let those he trusts do that for him

he has a dick piercing i know it

he's a very busy man, so he relies on his huge collection of toys he keeps in his bedroom and office

really good with his hands. as soon as those hands are on you, its game over

he loves to do it on his desk, makes him feel powerful. when he gets blown under his desk, it really takes all of his willpower to not cum immediately

really sensitive in weird places, specifically his ears

he likes to cuddle after sex, hes the little spoon :)

likes to be tied up, sometimes he’ll get tied up under his suit

mating press and riding are his favorite positions, giving and receiving

size queen, likes large toys and well ;)

has a private room that he sometimes goes to relieve stress, it has a fucking machine that he likes to use often when his job gets too stressful

he’s sucking people off at the klokateer glory hole, he’s uh, very good at what he does

likes to be spanked and like to spank

uses collars and leashes

maybe the klokateers can fuck him, if they’re good ;)

freeballing

likes cum on his face but doesn't seem to realize that means he’ll get cum on his glasses and will need to clean them

he can wear a chastity belt :) for me

likes being came in but will still complain about being gross after

pretty much up for anything, he’s not picky, he just wants to be in control and get off

[arhvste]

irreplaceable - oikawa tooru

summary - you and oikawa have been broken up for a couple of years but managed to maintain a close and friendly relationship with each other however, it proves to be too much of a challenge for you two to keep your relationship purely platonic. - fluff

an- this was requested on my wattpad i’ll tag the user when i find it, also i have no idea what the hell is going on with the spaces between paragraphs i can’t fix it google docs obviously hates me but i’ll put up with it for now.

warnings - cursing (minimal)

“Hey I think we should break up. It’s for the best right now.”

-

It had been 3 years since you and the famous Oikawa Tooru had decided to part ways. There was no bitterness behind the decision to end your romance, it was just like Oikawa had said, “for the best right now.”. You two had remained close friends despite your relationship status returning back to single, there was no reason to be unfriendly and throw away what you had so carefully and lovingly built up over the past 2 years with each other. Your schedules disagreed with each other and time spent together had slowly but surely decreased leading you both to mutually decide on putting a halt on your romance to prevent the feeling of neglect on either side.

You truly were happy for Oikawa and everything he was achieving and still were just as close to him as you were before, the only difference being you two weren’t exactly physically affectionate anymore. Not that you minded a huge amount but part of you did hang on to the last two words of his break up line.

“Right now.”

Before, you had secretly hoped to naturally rekindle your romance and pick up from where you left off as time went on and your schedules changed but it never happened. Not sure on Oikawa’s thoughts and feelings about the situation, you had decided it was best to move on and you did your best to do that, managing to convince yourself you were over the setter. Deep down you knew you still had lingering feelings for the boy but they were enough to handle and had gotten exceptionally easier to control and ignore when you were around your ex. You were almost certain that those lingering feelings had eventually faded but you always knew the boy would have some sort of place in your heart as your first serious love and you were fine with accepting that.

Whatever Oikawa was feeling about you, it didn’t matter as much to you as it did before. He was happy to be working towards his goals as a professional volleyball player and you couldn't be more proud of him.

Things were fine the way they were. You were still good friends and still hung out together as you did before. Both happy and content with the events occurring in your own lives while still being able to offer support and a platonic type of affection. Things were okay as they were and you were both okay with that.

-

The door slammed open startling you from the couch causing you to snap your head up and in the direction of the front door to your apartment. Your gaze met an irritated looking Oikawa who was currently dripping wet from the rain. Little droplets of water fell from his pretty brown locks which had stuck to his face agitating him further and his soaked clothes that would definitely need throwing in the dryer immediately.

“Bad weather?” you hummed teasingly as you swung your legs off the couch and made your way over to the soaking volleyball player.

“No, the sun is shining, temperature absolutely sweltering as you can tell by my excessive sweat.” he sarcastically quipped back, taking off his puddle filled shoes as close to your front door as he could.

Even after your break up, the two of you would still frequently visit each other's apartments whenever you wanted. Though you weren’t exactly romantically affectionate anymore, you both still found comfort in each other’s presence and the pair of you would visit each other when one of you needed to vent something out or you just felt like a general catch up between your busy and cruel schedules.

You threw Oikawa a warm towel that had just come out of your dryer. He caught it sharply and brought the warm and soft material to his face savouring not only the comforting warmth it brought to his cold skin, but also the relaxing scent of you. Oikawa would never admit out loud but, the scent of you was so familiar to him it almost gave him a sense of home. His pride wouldn't allow him to ever admit to something so sappy out loud to you, at least not for now.

“Go on, you know where everything is, go take a shower and leave your clothes in the basket outside. I’ll throw them in the dryer and make us some tea.” You smiled warmly at him as you made your way past him into the small but clean and sleek kitchen area to fill the kettle with fresh water.

“Thanks Y/N-chan. You’re the best!”

“We can’t have one of Japan’s top rising volleyball stars catching a cold can we? Now when you make it big, you’ll have me to thank because I kept you in good health.”

Oikawa snickered slightly before making his way to the bathroom down the hall in your apartment.

It wasn’t rare for the boy to visit you after training. Sometimes he needed a little extra support or words of encouragement particularly after training sessions he found more challenging or tiring than usual. You were a good listener who gave honest and unbiased feedback and that was something Oikawa could greatly appreciate you for.

After you heard the bathroom door click shut you approached the washing basket and grabbed his sopping wet clothes and threw them into the dryer in the small utility area. Turning it on a quick dry you set the basket back down and made your way back to the kitchen to finish serving the hot tea.

Grabbing two mugs, you carefully poured the hot liquid into them and carried them over to the small coffee table which sat in front of your couch. You went back to the kitchen to grab two plates and a loaf of milk bread you had made earlier. Oikawa had taught you how to make milk bread and you made sure to have some made as much as possible just in case he ever decided to drop by. Your cooking and baking skills didn’t go unnoticed by the setter who decided that “Y/N-chan’s milk bread is the best.”. You smiled to yourself fondly remembering the time he announced that after trying a piece of your first attempt of the recipe.

You heard shuffling noises from the bathroom and after a couple of minutes you heard the bathroom door open. Oikawa made his way over to you with damp silky hair which had perked up slightly, the soft white towel slung over his neck to keep his fresh t-shirt from getting soaked through by the water droplets in his hair and a pair of fresh training shorts.

“You’re always a few steps ahead huh?” He smiled as he sat down next to you and relaxed into the couch.

“If you’re referring to the warm clothes I keep in the airing cupboard for you, you’re welcome.” Turning to lazily smile at him.

You both stayed like that for a few moments. A comfortable silence washing over the two of you. Neither of you felt the need to speak up just yet, you both allowed yourselves to indulge in the calming and warm atmosphere around the pair of you.

After a few moments passed by, Oikawa leaned forward to rip a piece off the milk bread loaf. Biting into it he hummed in approval before eating the whole piece. “Y/N-chan, you make the best milk bread you know?” Your laugh rang through Oikawa’s ears. “Your flattery will get you anywhere Oikawa.”

A few moments passed again, nothing said between the two of you. Oikawa had a slight frown on his face looking as if he were deep in thought. You noticed this but decided to let him be for a moment.

The setter sat there trying to find the right words to use to get his current thoughts across to you. Truth be told Oikawa had shown up to your place purely for a general catch up but picking up on the little quirks and details to your routine with each other, he had been thinking about you the minute he noticed the spare clothes you kept for him in the airing cupboard. He had never really lost feelings for you. Sure, he had been on a few dates here and there, but nobody lasted more than 3 dates before he grew bored. His mind would always wander back to thoughts of you and he took this as a sign that these other girls were just temporary fillers for the void left in him when you had split up. He had always known you were the only one who would satisfy his physical and emotional needs, but he wasn’t sure as to the whereabouts you were in your feelings for him so he never spoke up about the situation.

After a few minutes you grew slightly concerned. Yes, you knew the two of you could sit through a while of comfortable silence but the bothered face on your ex worried you slightly.

“Oikawa? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh- uh yeah, sorry lost in a thought for a second there.”

He looked up at you with his pretty brown eyes and gave you his signature charming smile.

You had known Oikawa for years and you had grown close enough to be able to tell a genuine smile from a fake one and the smile he was currently pulling right now was most certainly fake. You frowned at the boy making his smile drop a little.

“What's wrong Y/N-chan?”

“I should be asking you that? You should know by now to not pull that half assed expression with me.”

Oikawa sighed and broke eye contact with you as he cast his gaze down to the coffee table.

“It’s just, well- Ah fuck it. You’re really irreplaceable to me. There’s nobody as good as you.”

Your eyes widened at the boy's sudden confession. Did Oikawa Tooru really recite back what feelings you thought you had gotten rid of? Just by that sentence alone, past feelings to which you were certain you had managed to contain and bury had come rushing over you clouding your thoughts and completely throwing you off guard.

“That doesn’t sound like something you say to an ex girlfriend.”

He looked back up and locked his longing eyes into your own.

“Well, maybe I don’t want you to be my ex girlfriend anymore.”

You felt as though your heart couldn’t take much more. Your chest felt tight and you knew for a fact your face was turning red as you felt your skin heat up from the volleyballers direct and unfiltered confession. You opened your mouth but were stopped when Oikawa quickly spoke.

“Listen to me Y/N, I’m not playing games. I’m done trying to fill the gap only you can fill. I’ve fucking missed you like crazy and I didn’t want to admit it. I never said anything because I wasn’t sure what you were thinking or feeling but you have my heart Y/N. It’s always been you. No matter what I do I can't stop thoughts about you creeping back on me when they shouldn’t. Tell me I’m crazy Y/N. I should be over you by now but I’m not because no matter what I do or try, I can’t deny the fact I’m still in fucking love with you!”

You didn’t think twice about your next move. Before you could even think of the words to reply to him, instinct took over you and you threw yourself onto the boy and crashed your lips onto his. He took a second to process what was happening but after a second of not reacting his arms snaked around your waist as he kissed you back with an equal amount of passion. With that one kiss, Oikawa knew the feelings were mutual. You could both feel the raw desire and need for each other, the deep feelings and passion that was once locked away, finally free and was poured into the kiss. He pulled you onto his lap properly as one of his hands drew little circles on your waist while the other made its way up your neck as his fingers skillfully weaved through your silky hair. You pressed your body closer to his as your own hands wandered into his slightly damp locks.

Finally pulling away, you both took a second to catch your breath. You looked up and into Oikawa’s twinkling eyes which held nothing but sincerity and genuine love and adoration for you.

“Idiot. You should’ve spoken sooner.”

Nothing could stop the bright smile on Oikawa’s face. His handsome features lightened up as he laughed and caressed your cheek. Small tears gathered in the corners of his eyes threatening to spill at any moment. You leaned forward and wiped them away before they could fall and left a trail of small pecks across his soft skin.

“You have no idea just how happy you’ve made me. I love you so so much I promise I’ll never leave you again Y/N.”

He spoke with such honesty as a big smile broke onto your own face.

“I’ll hold you to that. And Tooru, I love you too.”

He pulled you in close inhaling the scent of you. Sure you were both okay with your close friendship but this to Oikawa felt like home. That once empty gap that could only be filled by you, full once again making his heart flutter.

Things were okay the way they were but this? This is how things were meant to be.

[uwuprime]

Robot syntheia sounds cool. What about other stuff? ADHD robots even? Autistic?

Y'all don't even know.

My degree path is in Computer Systems. This is literally My Thing, trademarked, capitalized, underlined. I'm also definitely not neurotypical, if my therapist is to be believed.

[Ursula voice] Its all I do, its all I live for...

Cybertronian Neurodivergence and You: A Guide, Part 1!

First things first, I'm gonna hit y'all with a few statistics, so play with me in this space for a minute. The tolerance, or the electrical voltage/current level of error a tpyical solid electrical component can take, is around +/-5%. Anything within that range is normal, but above that, things start to get weird.

Most components can be made to be more or less sensitive. Some pecision-made electronics can have an over/under-charge allowance of as little as +/-1%. Some are made with a tolerance of as high as 20%, but most things beyond that point are like fuses and breakers, partly mechanical and meant to stop the current moving through a circuit (break) when a certain threshold is reached to avoid fire and other damage-related hazards. That's just straight-up components though. There's also acceptable failure rates for logic and other computer chips, cabling, and power sources. What I'm trying to say here is that not only is neurodivergence and even physical failure/defect in Cybertronian biology possible, if we follow TF's throughline of human-cybertronian parallels, its likely much more common than you think!

I can especially see this in things like sensory overload. Imagine if it was something that was literally quantifiable. Especially in logic circuits and computing, there are certain things you just aren't meant to do with a circuit at the same time. You only have a limited number of inputs and outputs, and if you exceed what the circuit is capable of you can quite literally induce something known as a "panic" state. Panic states in computing are actually quite aptly named: they occur when either capacity is overloaded or an input that isn't understandable is applied, and the computer quite literally fails to continue making logical decisions/outputs. If you've ever heard the term "kernel panic," you have the right idea. The Blue Screen Of Death is along the same lines.

This leads to incredibly erratic responses, and if a circuit isn't built to self correct, it needs to be manually reset by an outside technician. I'm sure that fic exists already.

So, panic, anxiety, and related issues? Absolutely plausible. Moving on.

There's definitely parallels in ADHD and priority selection, both in a hardware and software sense. If there's more than one input to be handled by a single circuit, one needs to have priority, or the system won't set or reset properly. This leads to errors in your output, ranging from math/logic errors to Panic, as described above.

Now, notice that what I've talked about thus far has been in reference to external/user-input errors. Internal calculations and output errors is where that acceptable failure rate lies. If, say, your failure rate is also 5%, and 100 logic chips are needed to make a circuit, five of them are anticipated to be faulty. In the real world, this is where you would test for and replace the broken part(s), but in this context it could extend as a sort of stand-in for genetic disorders, predispositions, and other in-born traits.

Autism is a great example, here. Not necessarily in the context of a logic "defect," but in the way that there are structural differences between the way the metaphorical schematics look and the way a logic circuit functions. Under some conditions, one might not ever notice, but if certain inputs or calculations are along the "wrong" pathway, it makes the system Panic, or otherwise function unpredictably.

Dyslexia and other information processing issues could also be explained this way, as they've been actually observed in real life. Cascade failures occurred in early hardware very often, resulting in incorrect letters being input or output, dropped letters, and, in instances where code was dependent on the letters as data, complete failures in both software and hardware, including Panic.

And again, that's pertaining to a normal "structure" with "abnormal" processing results. What I've covered so far does not cover what one might call traumatic errors: shorts, overheating, power surges, open circuitry, physical disturbance, the list goes on.

There's going to be more on this topic, especially since I also have asks on the physical side of Cybertronian biology that are just as interesting as this was!

The ask is open, if you want more!

[ironwoman359]

Hello. I saw the post you reblogged about toxicity in the TS fandom. And as someone who is relatively new (Just over 2 months, heyo!), may I ask what kind of toxic behaviour do you see in the fandom? I hope this isn't too much for me to ask, I was just a bit curious and wanted some clarification on the matter. Please feel free to ignore this if it bothers you!

Well, welcome to the fandom, first of all! I hope you’re having fun so far. 

In regards to the post you’re talking about, I think @izzyfandoms said it best: “...most fandoms are okay but have a loud toxic minority, but for us the not-toxic people are often the loudest so we can come off as pure and perfect...” 

Most fandoms do have an amount of toxic behavior in them, it’s very rare (I’d say impossible, actually) to find one with zero problems, but it’s also usually more noticable in other communities than in this fandom, as we have been fortunate to have the non-toxic majority also be the louder voices most of the time (most often in fandoms, toxicity is a loud minority, though there are of course exceptions to this as well). 

The other thing I think is important to remember is that this fandom started out smaller than it is now. I’ve been a presence here since november 2017, and there are other who have been around even longer, and back then, the fandom was much smaller and therefore the toxic minority was even harder to notice. This led to us gaining a reputation of “purity,” which in turn made issues more complicated when they started to crop up. Every fandom is going to have issues, things that people in it disagree about, and people who try to stir up trouble. This is normal, and a fandom displaying those traits is not immediately a bad fandom. What can shift a fandom into an unhealthy one is when issues, disagreements, and drama become the focal point and people begin to treat each other poorly over these things. And I would say a majority of fanders are good at not falling into that type of thinking or acting. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and it doesn’t mean that the fandom as a whole can just stick our heads in the sand and pretend everything is fine. 

So, you asked me what toxic behaviors I see. I’m going to talk about some examples I’ve seen in this fandom, and before I do I’d like to state first off that it is not my intention to attack anyone specific, or to shame people for their tastes in characterizations, ships, or their triggers or squicks. This is me trying to give my open and honest opinion about this community while being as respectful and tactful as possible. 

Also going forward, every time I say “the fandom” or “people” or refer to the community in some other all encompassing way, know that I do not mean every single person in it, or even a majority necessarily, just enough people to make it noticable. If you exhibit some of the behaviors I’m talking about, I’m not saying you’re a bad person or that you shouldn’t be here, far from it. But everyone has flaws, and these are just some common things that I see in this community. Maybe if you see yourself in this post, you can take a step back and consider your thoughts and actions to see how they may be harming you or others. 

Regardless of everything I’ve said and am about to say, I really love this fandom and the people in it, and I’m incredibly grateful for the impact it’s had on my life. Some bumps in the road aren’t going to change that. (Also I don’t engage with the fandom much outside of tumblr, things may be different on twitter, discord, or other places, this is just my experience with this platform specifically. Okay? Okay.)

So...here’s what I see in this fandom:

It is quick to judge. Anyone been here long enough to remember the week when Roman was “cancelled” between Accepting Anxiety part 1 and part 2? I came into the community later that year, but the fandom elders can tell you, there was a rally against Roman as a character, and a slew of people calling out prinxiety shippers for shipping such a “toxic ship.”  You’d think after that first time, the community would have learned to perhaps be not so quick in its judgements, but we’ve seen the same pattern over and over again.

People were quick to judge Deceit when his character was introduced, which was followed by a back and forth where people argued about what was and wasn’t “sympathetic” content, how things should be tagged, and 

People were quick to judge Virgil after Embarrassing Phases

People were quck to judge Patton after SvS and Patton AND Virgil after DWIT. 

People were quick to judge Remus after DWIT.

And here’s the thing, it’s fine if you have different interpretations of characters, or prefer certain versions. You see Patton’s character flaws and decide “you know what, this character isn’t for me now” or want to explore those flaws taken to their extremes? That is okay. What is not okay, and what this fandom does a lot, is insisting that YOUR interpretation and version of the character is the correct one and shaming people with different ideas. It’s fine if you don’t like Patton or take issue with his current flaws being displayed. It’s NOT fine to attack people who disagree and send anon hate to blogs who speak out in support of Patton. It’s fine if you don’t like unsympathetic sides content. It’s NOT fine to shame people who do or send anon hate to unsympathetic sides blogs. There are lots of different ways to interpret all SIX sides, and yet so often I see people go on some sort of crusade to defend their opinon and insist that it’s canon. 

But that’s all just the characters, this fandom also is very quick to judge the individuals in it. Real, breathing people with lives outside the internet are often shamed or attacked for their opinions about the characters, different ships, the way they’ve chosen to portray the characters in their art or stories, I could go on. Purity culture and cancel culture are prevalant in all areas of the internet, and this fandom is not exempt from it. Demonizing people for making small mistakes, or even for just disagreeing with you, is never okay, and yet it is something I’ve seen again and again in this fandom. Which leads me to my next point...

Anon hate. God, it makes me so angry, and this is the only one that I won’t try to portray both sides of or be diplomatic about, because it is flat out unacceptable no matter the circumstance. There are so many blogs in this fandom that have horrible anon hate problems, and I am sick of seeing it. I don’t care what a person has done or what opinions they have that you may disagree with, I don’t care if they’re the worst person in the world. It’s not okay to send anon hate, and it’s not okay to tell people to kill themselves. You find a blog in this fandom that you just Do Not like, either because of their content, their opinions, hell, just their personality? Unfollow them. Block them if you want. But sending anon hate over ships, characters, opinions and statements, it’s just childish and unacceptable. And it happens enough in this fandom that there are people who are afraid of making statements about things for fear of attracting more of that energy. Love always follows the hate and drowns it out in this fandom, for which I’m grateful, but the hate shouldn’t exist in the first place. Cut that shit out. 

In general, this fandom has not handled differing opinions well, be it opinions on how to tag content, disagreements over characterizations, or encountering an idea that you personally may not care for. It is ultimately up to individuals to curate their online experience, by unfollowing blogs they don’t like, blocking tags and blogs they don’t want to see, and reading summaries and content warnings before opening fics. Often in this fandom I think people get upset if something isn’t tagged the way they want it to be (and I’m not talking about not tagging triggers, I’m talking like, someone insisting a blogger tag deceit content as #ts deceit when they already tag it as #deceit sanders. In situations like that it is the responsibilty of that someone to either block the tags a blog is using or not follow blogs whose tagging system doesn’t work for them), or if someone disagrees with them and we forget that it is okay to just...unfollow people. You don’t have to follow every blog in this fandom to be a part of the community, and if a blog is making posts and content you don’t like, unfollow them, don’t attack them for it. Accept that they have as much a right to their opinions and their space in the fandom as you do, and adjust your block and follow list accordingly so that you can get the experience that YOU want out of this fandom. 

I hope this was helpful, and I hope it didn’t get too long for you. I’m not putting this under a cut because I think it’s important, but I will tag it as #longpost so my mobile users don’t suffer too much. If you want to discuss this in the notes, please keep it civil, and remember that we all are fans of Thomas here, and that we probably have more in common than we do differences. I love you guys, stay awesome

[levyfiles]

I want to start a shyan blog but I’m so scared because I don’t know how Shane and Ryan actually feel about it which makes me nervoussssssss help

Ohhh boy, brace yourself, nonnyhunny. I’ve got some word vomit for ya

To start off with, I just want anyone and everyone who is currently new to navigating this terrain we call the internet to know one thing and that is this one very important concept. Embrace your own insignificance! The internet is a big place. I once read a post on here that encouraged new users to think of Tumblr itself like you’re walking into a Walmart. You’re not here to make friends and you’re not here to shop for everyone else; you’re filling your own cart with the things you need and like and if someone comes along and takes a long good look at the things in your cart and says, “WOAH there, eating trans fats is unhealthy for you! I never eat trans fats because of a big list of reasons! Stop buying trans fats!!” you’re gonna be both puzzled and annoyed because it’s your cart, your Walmart experience; why the hell do they care what you’re gonna get?

However! I get it, the internet is now comprised of six different websites/apps and if you’re on there, there is no way to avoid or curate a completely ideal sense that you’ve made a space that’s all your own. There are going to be people who disagree with you, people who decide they don’t like what you do, but ultimately, in the midst of all that, you’re going to find people who feel the same in whatever regard you express yourself and that’s why it’s important to just express yourself because otherwise you’re going to develop a lot of disingenuous connections with people who would likely try to ruin your life if you disagree with them on some subject or other.

Now with that whole disclaimer in mind, I also understand where you’re coming from. Putting myself in the shoes of someone just trying to participate in a new fandom where there is a lot of contention among the masses about the rights and wrongs of RPF and whether the concept fits in with a philosophical debate about human nature and the way we interact with each other, witness each other’s journeys. That’s simply it, however; it’s an ongoing debate and where philosophy and debate are concerned, I always hold the belief that an individual’s right to ground themselves and say “These are the principles I wish to abide by” is sacred and ultimately, no amount of anonymous hatred or shrieking messages of outrage is gonna change that until you yourself decide that the principle isn’t working for you personally. My principle is that it’s fiction; an AU to explore as valid and sweet to me as demon!Shane headcanons are, but moreso because I identify with queer love stories and friendships forged by strangely deep similarities and complementing souls. I also love personalities like theirs, love the idea of said friendship and what it would bring to a story about two human beings who meet by happenstance and end up building something world-changing together. Still, because I am just a writer and a consumer of media, that’s the nicest thing I can give myself, a fictional account of these things while witnessing the real version happen in parallel. I get to celebrate in the overlap of similarities the real world and my fictional account take and watch it inspire my friends and mutuals to build their own universes and it’s beautiful. 

With that point being made, I also understand the reason a lot of people are nervous about being open about shipping. The backlash from a bunch of strangers seems to take on a note that would make even the nicest person sound like a puritan about to hold some extravagant witch trials. Nothing more interesting than a person claiming to do good in the world using words like “exterminate” “cleanse” or my personal favourite “purge”. I’ve read rumours being spread about shippers that take on their own life especially because it’s human nature to let other people handle the research; it’s human nature to just take a believable narrative at face value. One rumour being that shippers of this fandom write stories where we kill off Shane and Ryan’s significant others. Myself and my friends who are avid readers of the ao3 tag know that that hasn’t been the case since 2016/17 and by all accounts, I have yet to find the fic where this happens (barring a tinsworth fic I’ve only heard about). Mind you, not many of us check out Wattpad but even there it’s more self-insert friendly with themes I can’t even stomach. 

Which leads me to the last point and the main reason you sent this ask, I’m assuming. Ryan and Shane’s personal thoughts on the issue. Now, it behooves me to supply screenshots and proof when I make a claim but let’s consider if instead from the perspective of two adult men who have operated online far longer than a lot of their audience. Given that I am the same age as Shane, I know what the internet used to look like and how far it’s come and RPF is not a brand new thing neither did it pop up out of nowhere when One Direction debuted. And just like fanfiction in and of itself had its pushback from media because of its demographic and absolutely because of its queer-leanings, RPF appears to get a lot of that same energy, but it’s not an inherently toxic past time. Much like any fandom activity, it can get bad because fandom is not a monolith; it’s a bunch of individuals enjoying a medium in the ways they have learned to. You’re gonna get some individuals who “do it wrong” and some who do it differently, but ultimately, just like the forums and the reddit threads Shane and Ryan trawl in their past time, there are circles you learn not to veer into and terms you learn to blacklist/block/mute. With that being an indication of where they’re coming from as internet creators, I am confident when I say that, as long as it’s not being mailed to them, linked or quoted at them, they don’t care. They would know something that gets popular on the internet summons a brand of transformative art and fiction but much like they tend to ignore thirst tweets in their mentions or the repetitive requests for the same things over and over. They’d see it and gloss right over it. Shane is the type who writes long essays on reddit addressing the things that bother him, Ryan is weird and vocal and an oversharer sometimes when it comes to things Shaniacs say to him (i.e. that Voice he did for the occasional Shaniac who approaches him). It’s just one of the incarnations of fandom that they choose not to engage with, which, good? Because it’s a fan-specific activity. Once in a while you get a creator who wants to interact with fanfiction and it goes sideways because not all stories are written for them, much like not all fanart is made with the mindset to share with them. 

It’s just a regular old fan interaction and community habit that builds bigger followings. 

All in all, I’m not gonna tell you what to do. Unless you mean to be in their @’s all the time or link them on discord, or put any of your content in their hands, they are not going to see it. They don’t care. What they do care about is that you’re watching, that you support them and send them encouragement because they’re creating their own medium of content and a bigger following means more people get to see it and extract something positive from it.  

[6ix-dragons]

Out in the Open

Series: Edens Zero Pairing: Shiki/Rebecca Rating: 18+/XXX Word Count: 6,450 words

Note: This fanfic can also be found over at my AO3, FFN, and PF accounts! :)

EXPLICIT CONTENT ADVISORY: The following story contains graphic sexual descriptions, and strong language. Reader’s discretion is strongly advised!

---

Footsteps echoed into the night skies, as a young woman—with long, navy-blue hair, trudged down a path lined with trees that well-towered over her. In her yellow, sleeveless kimono, the designated Valkyrie of Edens Zero continued along said path, the heels of her boots digging slightly into the earthen ground.

"Shiki and Rebecca mentioned they would be back at the ship, before the day was over," Homura mused loudly to herself, frowning. "But, it is nightfall now…I wonder what happened to them?"

As she paced cautiously through the pathway, not letting her guard down, the swordswoman recalled in her mind, of the events that led to her current predicament.

It was way earlier, when the Edens Zero had touched down at a small planet that Hermit deemed viable enough to make a stop there. While never letting up in his quest to find Mother, it was actually Shiki who decided to bring the ship to that destination. He wanted to take a break from travelling through the cosmos, having voyaged through space for a few days.

After landing there, most of the crew stayed onboard. Only Shiki, Rebecca, Happy, and Pino had all decided to scour around the areas closest to the ship, as a group, exploring what the planet had to offer. Homura, Weisz—and, even Mosco, were tasked by the Shining Stars to guard the ship, from the outside.

Hours passed into the start of dusk, before both Weisz and Homura noticed that something wasn't right. Upon sunset, Happy and Pino returned back to the ship...but, without their human partners. Their expressions filled with great concern, they told the rest of the crew that, earlier, they were all hiking through a forested area. Somehow, they had split off from Shiki and Rebecca, and were unable to locate them. It was then that Witch had tasked Homura in finding them, and making sure they were safe—in which the swordswoman was more than inclined to do so.

"I hope the both of you are alright," she murmured to herself, looking around closely. "I seriously do."

The blue-haired female then felt a slight breeze pick up in the air, blowing past her. The whistling winds had made the branches of the trees sway in a single direction, in front of her.

Not before long, she came to a sudden stop. Her ears picked up, what appeared to be a faint commotion coming from her left. Her own instincts guiding her, Homura imminently strayed away from that regular path, cutting through the many trees, and other dense forestry surrounding her.

"Shiki! Rebecca!" The swordswoman called out, traversing around the trees. "Where are you?!"

The soft commotion gradually became louder, and clearer, the more she closed in on it. Homura continued to follow where the noise had originated from, maneuvering around the trees that narrowed her own path. As she did, she noticed that the air around her had changed substantially.

"Is it just me, or is it actually getting a little warmer than usual?"

Narrowly passing through a set of trees, Homura could finally see a clearing just ahead of the brush. Carefully sneaking towards it, she noticed, in front of her, a few thin clouds of steam wafting lower to the ground.

The swordswoman froze to a halt, when she heard another noise coming from beyond that clearing. It sounded different this time, she thought—more like it belonged to…a person nearby?

A high-pitched, feminine giggle emerged from the immediate vicinity, reaching her ears. "No, Shiki! W-what are you doing?"

An incredulous expression took hold of Homura, her eyebrows raised at who she thought was actually making that noise. "R—Rebecca?"

Resuming her advances towards the clearing, in that same, cautious pace, she heard her female crew-mate suddenly squeal—nearly causing her to stumble, and lose her balance, in the process.

"No, stop!" The swordswoman could hear more of Rebecca's cries, and giggles, as she regained her balance, and kept on moving. "Cut it out, Shiki!"

There was then a sound that, Homura swore to herself, seemed like water splashing around. Almost simultaneously, there was the goofy laugh of a young male.

Homura noted his name, under her breath. "Shiki…"

The clouds of steam became much denser, the further she made her way towards the clearing. Finally reaching it, past the brush, Homura stopped before a tree that was along the left side of the clearing. With an arm around its trunk as her own support, the navy-haired swordswoman slowly peeked around the tree, directing her attention on where those noises were exactly coming from.

She, however, was never prepared for the sights that were about to behold her, from that very moment.

What she actually witnessed, instead, had sent a great deal of shock that overwhelmed her, in almost no time at all.

Past the clearing, to her left, where earthen ground met solid stone, lay a naturally-occurring hot spring that was more than a few meters away from where she stood. Her sights were first trained on the mess of clothes strewn around the stony surface, leading towards the boulders that surrounded the spring. She could make out Shiki's red jacket amid the pile, along with Rebecca's white-and-blue sleeveless top, and dark-coloured skirt.

Her eyes then fixated on the pair, themselves.

They were out in the open, already bare as the day they were born, and were delightfully taking in the spring's waters. Making out the dark, ravenous hair of her male crew-mate, and the ash-blonde of her female crew-mate, the swordswoman noticed that the two of them were more…playful with one another, than they usually were. Not to mention that they were more intimate with each other, as well.

Suspended in place, Homura kept her attention on them, her eyes the size of saucer plates. A bright shade of red stained her cheeks, above the large gape formed by her low-hanging jaw.

---

The raven-haired male chuckled heartily, pulling the ash-blonde closer towards him, from behind. "C'mere, Rebecca!"

Releasing another high-pitched giggle, Rebecca let him wrap his arms around her, while they both settled against the side of the springs. An airy sigh of content from her had followed, having leaned her back against his chest. Almost at the same time, Shiki gave a quieter exhale of comfort, his back resting up on the slightly-curved slope of the side. His legs were spread wide open, allowing her to sit up against him, as closely as possible.

The two of them took in the great view of their surroundings, with clouds of steam floating around, over the entire springs. Their bodies had submerged in crystal-clear water, at mid-chest level, soaking in its inherent warmth. More importantly, both of them had greatly relished the company of one another, in a place like this.

Rebecca kicked out her right leg, raising it high enough for her knee, and toes, to be exposed through the water. "I can't believe you've found this kind of place, here," she remarked, elatedly. "Who would've thought that this planet would have a natural hot spring around?"

Shiki flashed his usual, bright smile, in response. At almost the same time, he brought his palms to rest over her flat, smooth abdomen. "I'm sure it was just plain luck that we did find it…but, I can already tell that you like it a lot," he grinned at her.

The ash-blonde female gave a low, amused hum at that finding of his, as she tilted her head towards him. "Well…maybe not as much as being with you, here," she winked.

Blinking for a second, the dark-haired Granbell flashed a cheeky grin at her, burning red across his face.

Admiring the charming quality of his grin, Rebecca held back a delighted hum. "You know," the blonde B-Cuber continued, teasingly, her focus still on the young male cradling her from behind, "now that we're alone…together…." Her eyes narrowed into a flirtatious stare. "How 'bout we do something, here…much like what other couples in love, have done?"

Shiki raised his eyebrows at her. "W-what do you mean, by that, Rebecca?"

A devilish smile crept upon her lips. "Oh…you know…"

Before Shiki could even inquire what she actually meant, in her words, he felt a sudden disturbance in the lower regions of his body. He groaned at this disturbance, causing him to lower his sights for a quick moment. Immediately, Shiki noticed that her lower back was much closer towards him, allowing her to grind her rotund bottom against his hardening phallus.

The naughty smile widened on Rebecca's face, as she could hear his breathing pick up, the more she ground herself against him.

"Ah…Rebecca," Shiki panted, releasing a few soft groans in between his breaths. "Please…ah…I…I c-can't…"

Her curved eyebrow lifted, above her teasing smirk. "What's the matter, Shiki?" She slowed her grinding movements against him—only to press more of her rotund bottom against his shaft, earning her a deeper groan from him. "Can't handle a little…skinship, from your girlfriend?"

Shiki struggled to keep himself composed, feeling his body heat up a little further from her contact. The way she rubbed against him had sent a flurry of sensations in his mind that he found to be rather warm and fuzzy, all around.

For almost his entire life, this certain kind of intimacy—let alone, the idea of it—came across as foreign to the Gravity Ether Gear user. It was only his crew-mate in Weisz, who helped Shiki understand more about it. Having spent the time going by his pointers, and going through the…'relevant' materials (his magazines, among them), he learned more from him, than anyone else, on these kinds of matters. He found some of his advice to be rather helpful, especially when it came to situations like this.

The raven-haired Granbell responded to her teasing grinds, skimming a palm up her torso, before cupping the underside of her breast. Rebecca's breath hitched sharply, having felt his fingers gently squeezing it.

"Shiki," the blonde moaned lowly, only to hold back another gasp, when he nuzzled the crook of her neck, closely.

His lips closed in on her ear. The warmth of his breath fanning against it had sent thrills through her body. "You really liked it, there, didn't you?" Rebecca could only respond wordlessly, with a bashful expression on her face that turned away from him, seemingly. Shiki chuckled naughtily, having observed her flustered manner. "Well, how about this?"

Smoothing his other palm further below her abdomen, his fingers darted towards her clit, rubbing against it. A gasping cry sounded out from Rebecca, her breaths picking up, upon those very fingers stroking her entrance.

"Mmmh! Shiki…." Her body trembled from all his ministrations. The combination of his fingers on her clit, and on her breast, had furthered her arousal.

He then whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. "How does it feel, now?"

Before she could even respond, the ash-blonde mewled loudly, when he also pressed his lips deeply against the side of her neck.

"O-oh, God!" Rebecca moaned out, in a lilt, letting her little cries of delight spill out.

"I want to know, Rebecca," Shiki murmured gruffly into her ear, his eyes narrowed. "Does it feel that good, to you?"

Finding her mind spun around by the whirls of pleasure, Rebecca managed to find it in herself, to answer him. "Yes," she let out an airy moan, noticing that his touches gradually became gentler. "Yes, it feels that good, Shiki."

His smile widened to its boldest. "Good."

Catching her breath, Rebecca turned her head around to face him. "But…what about you, Shiki?" Her eyebrows hitched slightly, over her half-lidded eyes, and sultry smile. "Don't you want to feel that good, as well?"

Shiki nodded simply at her, grinning. "I actually do, as well."

He was then taken aback, when she quickly repositioned herself, so that she was sitting on her knees—but, also straddling his thighs. Resting her hands onto his broad shoulders, Rebecca peered into his onyx irises. At the same time, Shiki was lost in her own large, deep-blue pair of them.

"Then…let me," she softly whispered, smiling warmly under narrowed eyes.

Leaning in, right away, Rebecca seized his lips roughly. With his hands on her waist, Shiki returned the kiss, pressing his lips against her own. Low moans, and gasps, had escaped the couple, as their lip-lock gradually became more intense, and passionate. Their tongues sneaked into the mouths of one another, where they swirled around, and clashed against each other. Small vapour clouds poured out from the open gaps of their mouths, in the midst of all this.

---

Homura continued to remain in place, still peeking from around the tree. She covered her mouth, trying her best not to make any noise. The shocked, blushing swordswoman could not believe what she was seeing, this whole time.

"Oh, no…this is bad!" She hushed to herself, still witnessing the carnal scene playing out in front of her. "Should…should I just leave them be?"

In her mind, they were her crew-mates—her friends, even. She was tasked to find them, and bring them back to the ship, after all. In such an awkward situation like this, however, she found herself totally conflicted on what to do.

…And, yet, at the same time, she found it surprising that her crew-mates were more like lovers, to each other.

Unbeknownst to Homura, her crew-mates had actually been dating each other behind her back, in recent time. On the ship, it was no secret that Shiki and Rebecca were in a romantic relationship, for months—at least, for only the certain few that knew. The only ones, who knew about this, were the other Shining Stars…and, Weisz, too.

As the navy-haired swordswoman tried to figure out how to best approach this situation, a yelp from Rebecca had cut through her train of thought, and diverted her attention back to them.

Homura held back a choked gasp, when she saw the dark-haired 'Demon King' lift the ash-blonde female off from the water, with his arms. His lover simply held onto him, wrapping her arms around his back, and her legs around his hips.

---

Rebecca cried out, half-teasingly, and pouted. "Shiki!"

Said raven-haired male chuckled mischievously, as he carried her towards another side of the springs. He had carefully set her down onto the flat surface of a large stone—its slightly-declining slope and height level closer to the water being a perfect place for them.

Shiki admired the great view of her long, wavy, ash-blonde locks being fanned out all over the rock, looking down at the young woman lying on top of it. His sights then shifted to her large, doe-like eyes, irises of bright blue that bedazzled him. Shifting his focus below that, his eyes fixated on her heaving, voluptuous body. They flew to her enormous breasts, her round, melon-sized mounds rising, and falling, with every breath she took. He took note of her erected buds, having already hardened from being exposed to the open air.

His eyes finally fell to the area between her thick thighs. Underneath her small patch of ash-blonde curls, was the most intimate part that Weisz had previously taught him about. Upon glancing at it, Shiki noticed that there was clear, glistening fluid leaking out from her entrance—in spite of the fact that they were away from the water.

Her soft call of his name had brought his attention back up to her face, her pleading eyes directly meeting upon his eyes.

"Shiki," she pleaded in the same, soft tone, with a coy-like smile. "Please…I want it…put it in me."

His eyes somewhat widened in awe at her, as her name drew out under his breath. "Rebecca…"

Shiki hastily leaned in to capture her lips, for a quick, yet intense kiss, before pulling his lips away from hers. Spreading apart her thighs, he guided his hardened shaft with one hand, directing the head of it towards her vaginal entrance.

Rebecca whimpered, when she felt the tip of him brush up against her clit. She watched her lover with bated breath, her body trembling slightly, as he began to push into her opening.

"A-aah!" The ash-blonde gasped, and cried out, feeling the head of him protrude into her. She sank her teeth into her lip at the sudden, initial pain greeting her, with her inner walls being stretched apart. "I—It…h—"

Right away, she tossed her head back, releasing a pained cry, upon feeling him thrust all the way in. She arched her back instantly, and scrunched her toes at the same time.

Meters away from the springs, Homura draped a sleeve over her mouth, covering her gasp, having heard the loud cry.

Gasping, Shiki leaned in closer to his lover underneath him. "Rebecca, are you okay?" He hovered over her, face scrunched with great concern. "Did I…hurt you?"

Looking up at his onyx irises filled with worry, Rebecca smiled reassuringly at him, under heavy breath. "No, Shiki…you didn't hurt me." She sniffled, as tears welled in her eyes, while gently placing her hands over the sides of his face. "This is naturally what happens the first time, for me…our first time."

Relief slowly washed over his face, his body calmly relaxing alongside. "I see."

His breaths quieted at an irregular pace, upon being taken in by the warm and silky-wet sensations of her inner walls. It was quite an ethereal feeling he experienced—one he had never felt, prior to this moment in time.

'So, this is what it's really like…'

Shiki's eyes then flicked back to his lover's face. The raven-haired Granbell noted the tears in her eyes, now spilling down her cheeks. Leaning in, Shiki kissed away the tears on her face, Rebecca humming delightfully in response.

His lips then found her own, as they slanted over hers. Low hums and moans escaped the passionate couple, while Rebecca brought her arms around the back of his neck.

Eventually, the initial pain that panged through her inner walls had slowly faded away. It gradually subsided, only to be replaced with a warmer, comforting sensation, of his lengthy shaft inside her.

Finishing their lip-lock with a sloppy clashing of their tongues, the two of them had pulled away from each other to catch their breaths. Shiki then groaned at the sudden contraction her inner walls made around him. In his mind, it felt so snug to be inside her.

Returning his gaze towards her, he could see her angelic smile, under wide-open eyes that narrowed suggestively at him…as if it were a signal for him to continue.

His breath held back, Shiki slowly pulled his hips back, before snapping them forward. Both grunted loudly at the jolt of pleasure running through their bodies. He then began to repeat those same, slow movements of his hips, picking up the rhythm from there.

"Mmh! Shiki!" Rebecca mewled out, throwing her head back.

At the same time she arched her back, her hands found themselves clinging onto his upper posterior. Her fingers dragged against his rigid back, nails scoring down onto his skin, leaving lines of red welts.

Shiki grunted deeply, as he settled into the rhythm of his thrusts, picking up the pace. "A-ah! Rebecca!"

The ash-blonde female moaned delightfully, as her legs wrapped around his hips, riding up against them. Burying his face into the crook of her neck, Shiki continued to repeatedly plunge in and out of her. His head quickly angled over to cover his lips over hers. Breathy gasps and groans poured out from the loving couple, as they fiercely claimed each other's mouths.

Rebecca released her mouth from him to let out another gasping cry, upon feeling his cock reach deeper into her. "Shiki…ah!" Her body writhed from such pleasure coursing throughout. "Harder…please!"

Another low grunt sounded from the raven-haired male above her, as he drove his hips in with more intensity.

---

Homura trembled about, in a state of great horror, and confusion, watching her crew-mates doing the unthinkable in front of her. She was still in disbelief, over what was going down before her very eyes.

"O-oh no…this is even worse than I've ever thought!" Her loose sleeve remained covering her mouth, but failing to hide the burning red on her face at all. "W-what should I do…what should I do?!"

A terrified gasp then broke from her, when she suddenly recognized a certain damp sensation around the area between her legs.

Looking down, the navy-haired swordswoman could feel the moisture seeping out through her undergarment. A frown crossed her face, as she shifted her thighs around, tightly against one another.

"N-no…this can't be!" Her eyes widened upon peering down upon herself, eyebrows twitching. "Watching them do these…unspeakable acts has made me…aroused…"

Self-conflict and confusion massively overtook her, the designated Valkyrie not knowing what to do about her own issue, let alone the other one.

She lowered her hand closely over her most-intimate area. "I shouldn't…I mustn't give in to this temptation!" Homura then shifted her glance aside. "But, I need to relieve myself from this, somehow…"

Another loud cry from her fellow female crew-mate had snapped her out of her thoughts, causing the navy-haired woman to peek around from the tree, again. The swordswoman's eyes bulged out from their sockets, when she saw Shiki thrust into Rebecca from behind, with said ash-blonde female having her hands splayed out against a boulder.

---

"Ahh! Shiki!" Rebecca's moans came out in lilts, as she felt him bury his shaft into her. "That's it…more!"

Spreading her arms, her fingers grasped onto the smooth surface of the large rock in front of her, as firmly as possible. The water around their upper legs had rippled about, in small waves, while he vigorously drove his hips into and out of her. Her enormous mounds swayed back and forth, with each heavy thrust.

Shiki grunted rather huskily, clenching his jaw in the slightest, as his hands maintained their grip around her hips. "Ah…fuck," he hissed, at the wet, silky heat of her inner folds surrounding him so closely. "It's so tight…"

Rebecca suppressed a long, delighted mewl that threatened to spill out. "Mmmh! Oh, yes!" Panting heavily, her eyes nearly rolled back, from all the pleasure surging through. "It feels so good!"

Their moans and gasps mixed in with the sounds of skin slapping against skin that echoed into the air.

---

Unable to resist the temptation any longer, as she kept her petrified eyes on her friends-turned-lovers getting it on with each other, the navy-haired swordswoman reluctantly caved into her own desires.

Casting her glance away, Homura gave out a quiet, deep sigh. "Heavens forgive me," she murmured lowly to herself, "for what I'm about to do…"

Sneaking a hand underneath her kimono, her fingers dipped under her undergarment. The swordswoman held back a gasping moan, covering her mouth with her other hand, as she began to rub her fingers lightly over her clit.

Turning away from her crew-mates in the springs, Homura used the same tree to hide herself, before slowly creeping back out of the clearing. The swordswoman brushed past a couple of shrubs in the way, as she found the nearest tree to settle up against, in her struggle to relieve herself.

---

Shiki's eyes snapped towards the direction of where the noise came from, causing him to slow the driving movements of his hips.

Rebecca blinked, upon feeling him gradually cease his thrusts to a halt. "Shiki?" The ash-blonde female released a low, disappointed groan, when she felt him withdraw his entire phallus from her. She turned her head around to face him, eyebrows raised. "W-why did you stop?"

His hands still on her hips, Shiki continued to lock his gaze at where the sounds originated, narrowing his eyes sternly. "I thought I heard something."

Rebecca frowned at him. "Maybe it was just the wind."

Shiki maintained his stare at the trees well outside of the springs, his expression softening somewhat. "Yeah…maybe."

Rebecca's lips then stretched into a sultry smile. "Hey, Shiki?"

The raven-haired male was a little taken by surprise, when he felt her shift away from the stone she held onto, making him release his grip from her hips. He raised his brows at her. "Y-yeah?"

She stood up straight, as she turned around to face her lover. "Ah…you know we don't have to stop, at this point, right?"

Shiki blinked blankly at her, only to nod with a confused hum.

For a quick moment, her eyes darted out towards his lengthy, muscular manhood—completely slickened, yet fully-erect. "Well, with the…way you are, now," Rebecca then flicked her sights directly back to his face, smiling naughtily, under narrowed, suggestive eyes. "There's one more thing that I'd like us to do."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "And, that is?"

Her naughty smile widened below her half-lidded eyes, as she approached him closely. "I'll show you."

At once, Rebecca hurriedly sealed her lips over his, while bringing her hands over his upper-arms. Small moans were elicited from the couple, as Shiki pulled her flush against him. A breathy gasp escaped from Rebecca, having felt his hardened shaft prod against her lower abdomen, as she gently guided her lover back towards the other end of the springs.

Shiki felt her lips parting away from his own, finding himself seated on the edge of the stony ground, his lower-legs still submerged in the water. The ash-blonde female clambered out of the springs, and over his lap. She turned her entire body around, so that she was facing away from him, with a hand on his thigh as support.

Straddling his lap, on her knees, Rebecca parted open her vaginal entrance with a couple of her fingers, as she lowered herself onto his tall-standing phallus below. A lilting cry poured out from her gape, upon feeling his entire cock sheathe into her love canal. Shiki grunted behind her, experiencing the same moist and silky-warm sensation around him, while he gripped her waist to guide her.

Slowly raising her hips, and then dropping down with them, Rebecca moaned heavily at how different the pleasure had hit her very core. Repeating those very movements, the busty Bluegarden began settling into her rhythm. Her large breasts bounced, and swayed, at every buckle of her hips.

Clenching his jaw, Shiki growled at the rhythmic, but slow rolls of her hips against his. This kind of pace wasn't going to cut it for him, as he could feel the tingling sensations starting to gather in the base of his spine.

A squeal broke out from Rebecca, when she felt his hands suddenly grip under her full thighs. Shiki lifted her just above his lap, forcing her thighs to spread apart more widely. It allowed him to angle his thrusts, plunging deep, and rough into her vaginal depths.

"Aah! Oh, God!" Rebecca wrapped her arm around the back of his neck, letting her lover buckle his hips wildly against hers. "Shiki!"

Moving his hand from under her thigh, the raven-haired Granbell palmed her sizeable mound with it.

Her delighted cries heightened, upon feeling his fingers dig into her breast, and his shaft moving in and out of her love canal.

"Yes…that's it!" Rebecca's toes scrunched, as she instinctively buckled her hips against his, for every time they dropped. "Shiki! Oh, yes!"

Shiki held back a snarl, when he felt her vaginal walls tighten around him more. Craning his head towards hers, he leaned in, as close as possible, pressing his lips against the tip of her chin. Taking the cue, Rebecca lowered her head at an angle enough for her to slant her lips over his, for a searing kiss.

The ash-blonde female yelped into the kiss, when she felt him swiftly turn their bodies over. Rebecca found her back against the flat, stone surface of the ground, where she lay underneath her lover. She arched her back, as he began to vigorously thrust into her love canal.

"Shiki!" Rebecca cried out, pulling her mouth away from his, while bringing her hands over his upper back. "Ah! Shiki~!"

A rush of air escaped the dark-haired Granbell, his body tightening. The tingles in the base of his spine that he sensed from earlier had intensified. "R-Rebecca! I-I'm gonna—"

"Let's come together, Shiki!" Through her half-lidded eyes, Rebecca peered into his onyx irises above her, smiling widely at him. "Together!"

Reeling his upper-body away from her, Shiki spread her legs wide apart enough, allowing him to thrust harder into her. Rebecca's moans and cries grew louder, as she felt the pressure in her core about to burst. Clenching his jaw tightly, eyebrows twitching, the raven-haired male found himself on the precipice of his own climax.

With a rough buckle of his hips, however, the pressure had completely snapped for the both of them. Rebecca's strained cry left her wide-open gape, as she arched her back even more, her head dropping backward.

Primal grunts and groans escaped from Shiki's breath, upon experiencing the waves of pleasure that wholly engulfed him. He clenched his jaw firmly, feeling every muscle in his trembling body burn throughout. He could also feel a certain liquid heat expel from the tip of his shaft, in short spurts, as a result of her inner walls constricting around him in a binding vise. Overwhelmed by the force of his climax, Shiki withdrew his entire shaft from her snatch abruptly, pumping over it with his hand. Gruff moans poured out from under his small gape, as he felt more of his liquid heat coming out in spurts.

Startled squeals erupted from Rebecca, who felt his warm, sticky fluid all over her skin.

Breathing unevenly, Shiki released his hand from his slowly-flagging manhood, recovering from his orgasm. Parting his eyes open, they widened up right away, at the same time his body stilled. They widened at the sight of his sandy-blonde lover who remained on the flat, stony terrain.

His eyes focused on her laying body, with her bent legs spread wide. Her chest heaved, with every heavy breath she took. Her eyes were rolled back, and her tongue stuck out from her hanging gape. The most important details he made out, however, were the globs of iridescent-white fluid that gathered all over her. Aside from it leaking out from her clit, trails of his semen had ended up on her abdomen, breasts, face, and even her hair.

Recovering from her own earth-shattering climax, Rebecca slowly raised her upper body, with a bent elbow against the ground as support. Through heavy-lidded eyes, she observed the whitish fluid atop her breasts.

She dabbed her fingers against it, curiously. "So…this is your…"

Without another word, she gathered his cum onto her fingers, before taking them to her lips.

Shiki watched in awe, as she licked away the thick, pearly-white fluid on the tips of her fingers—giving out low, delighted moans, upon doing so. All these sights had sent a thrill through his spine, but had also sent blood pouring down to his loins.

In her mind, she found the taste, and smell of his essence to be…rather alright. It was mostly salty and bitter, but not too sweet. There was a pungent, musky scent to it, but she actually didn't mind that.

Sweeping her tongue across her lips, Rebecca kept her eyes on the raven-haired male in front of her. They then lowered to his phallus, which gradually became erect at full mast again.

"Hmmm," she hummed lowly, her lips creasing to a tempted smile. "It seems like you're up for more…"

---

Homura panted deeply, letting off a few quiet, but satisfied moans, as her head dropped slightly.

The navy-haired swordswoman had rested against the trunk of a tree not too far off from the clearing, her body heaving about. It was only a moment ago that she had fulfilled her need for relief, from her own arousal.

Slowing the rubs of her fingers against her damp clit to a halt, she brought them away from her undergarment.

Scorching red remained across her face, as she observed how slick they were. "Curses," she glowered, under narrowed eyes. "I really have given to my desires, after all…"

Shaking her head at herself, she wiped off her fingers onto the side of her kimono. Standing up gingerly, she smacked the bottom of her palm against her forehead, upon realizing that she had completely lost focus of her original objective.

"Of course," Homura grumbled under her breath. "I still have to lead those two back to the ship." Her head then turned to the direction of the clearing. "Speaking of them, however…." She suppressed a gulp down her throat. "I wonder if they're done already, by now?"

Returning to her previous cover by the clearing, the swordswoman poked her head out, around the base of the tree. Her eyes squinted over at the springs, they widened in astonishment at the dark-haired 'Demon King', who was the only person occupying the waters there. Seemingly, there was no sign of Rebecca, anywhere, at all.

In her view, it seemed as if he was only relaxing by himself. His back was rested squarely against the side's edge, arms spread out straight over the stone surface, and his head slumped slightly backward. Other than the bubbles rising to the water's surface in front of him, everything else was still the same.

"Hmm," Homura thought aloud behind her sleeve. "Her clothes are still there…maybe she's somewhere else around, I wonder?" She then softly bowed her head, shifting her glance away. Her lips twisted to a conflicted frown. "Maybe I should leave them alone, after all…I'll have to wait for them, when they're done, anyhow."

Taking one last look at the sights before her, the swordswoman reluctantly left the clearing—as quiet as she was when she first approached it.

---

"Haah…ahh…hah…ah…"

Small puffs of vapour left Shiki's gape, along with his low, soft moans. His fingers gripped onto the edge tightly, the muscles in his body tensing up. The raven-haired Granbell then hissed quietly, as he felt the greater warmth of his lover's mouth slide back and forth over his cock. His chest heaved, with every heavy breath he took.

He could feel the pressure rise further in the piths of his body, again, as the movements of her mouth surrounding him had picked up more. It quickly built up to the point, where it threatened to break apart, once more.

Brows twitching, Shiki released a strained grunt, as he struggled to part open his eyes. Through heavily-lidded sights, he quickly peered down at the faint shadow that formed right before him, in between his legs. Copious amounts of bubbles continued to rise to the water's surface, from underneath.

Another strained grunt was elicited from him, upon feeling her mouth suction further down his shaft. His arms flew from the stony surface, diving past the water, where his hands found the back of her head.

Gripping her tresses from there, Shiki gasped out her name, clenching his jaw. "R-Rebecca! I…I—!"

A long, primal groan spilled out from him, when the mounting pressure finally burst within his body. He could feel the muscles in his core spasm, his hips involuntarily jerking about, as he held onto the back of her head for dear life. Simultaneously, he experienced the same liquid heat escaping through the tip of his phallus, in lengthy pulses.

Shiki could feel his own body go limp, right after he reached the very heights of his pleasure. He swore his limbs felt like gelatin, as he leaned right back against the edge. His arms returned to rest over the edge, while his head slumped back skyward.

Breathing laboriously for a moment, the dark-haired male gently let his head fall back down. His eyes fell to the top of her head emerging from the water's surface, rising above it. Profuse drops of water fell from her head, as she re-emerged from underneath, panting for air.

A breathy exhale escaped from her, before she swallowed up the remnants of his seminal fluid. In spite of it being watery than before, she greatly relished the taste of his essence.

She ran her tongue across her lips, with a satisfied smile. "Mmm…"

The sight of it all had left Shiki breathless, as Rebecca leaned in towards him.

Both lovers then engaged in a simmering, yet affectionate kiss, with a full clashing of their tongues.

Pulling her mouth away from his, Rebecca snuggled right up against his chest. "So…." She lifted her eyes directly at his pupils, her small smile slightly widened. "How was it, Shiki?"

"I really liked it." Shiki gave her a hearty grin. "That was one of the best nights we've spent with each other!"

Rebecca then gasped quietly, at a sudden realization rising to the top of her mind. She raised her head, with concern scrawled all over her face, as she shifted her eyes aside.

"Eh?" Taking notice of her, Shiki peered down on his lover, his eyebrows curving upward. "Rebecca? What's wrong?"

She vocally stumbled in her response, her ashamed gaze returning to his. "I-I just r-realized that…w-we were supposed to be back on the ship, hours ago…"

On top of that, in her mind, there was another matter she needed to address, after when they return to the ship. She would have to consult with Sister Ivry for contraceptive medications, having done the deed with him.

His eyes widened within the dumbstruck look on his face, upon being reminded by her. He blinked at that realization he now shared with her. "Oh, yeah…." Shaking his head shortly, Shiki brought his hand over the side of her face. "Don't worry about it," he reassured her, with a soft smile. "We'll find our way back to them." He then turned his head towards the night skies above. "I know they'll still be waiting for us, anyway."

Keeping her eyes on him, Rebecca blinked for a brief moment. A small, partly-assuaged smile was left on her face, as she casted her glance aside. "Yeah…"

"But, for now…." His gentle smile slowly widened. "Let's just stay here, and enjoy this, together, for the next little while."

The ash-blonde female just simply simpered at him, with an elated hum. Shiki sneaked in a little chuckle of his own, resting his arm around her back.

Both lovers cuddled against each other, as they relaxed against the side of the springs, once more. They took their time being immersed in its natural warmth, and the wonderful scenery around them.