#cup of tea 4 4000

[ma1dita]

ready your position

part 1 of 5 - SET IT UP!

spencer reid x gn!HRT!reader

summary: [3x9: Penelope] Sometimes second chances feel like shots in the dark. You just really wanted a cup of coffee. (set between seasons 3 & 4, loosely based off of set it up on netflix--reader is nicknamed ripley)

wc: 6k

content warning: signs of substance abuse, reader gets shot, side character death, unhealthy coping mechanisms & thinking

a/n: so sorry for the delay! i had a lot of insecurities about putting this out but well, here it is! lots of plot set up but pt 2 won’t take as long haha, please please please leave feedback or i might cry lol

—

[NOVEMBER 2007]

"So what are you in for today?"

A scoff leaves your lips in the dim light of one of the HR offices in the Employee Assistance Unit on the 6th floor of Quantico on a dreary Monday evening and it's intentionally disruptive, like you want the terse breath to catch your therapist off-guard. This routine of yours has you feeling like you're being examined under a magnifying glass but after countless hours of your ass getting pins and needles on the worn leather loveseat, you're still not entirely sure what else there is for Ms. Stevens to discover. Every psychological stone is never left unturned with her, but some burdens you still hold close to your heart. They feel like boulders that you choose to carry, and no one can take them away, lest you leave yourself exposed and vulnerable in front of a woman who can read you to filth.

"Agent?"

"Come on now, we're past the formalities, Miss. S'been more than half a year of us meeting like this. Think I deserve a reward at this point," the joke chokes itself out past your chewed bottom lip. Eyes scanning the ceiling, you mentally count the tiles until you can find a plausible enough answer to the question she's positively dying to ask about the monumental blow-up that could make or break your career, and maybe if you skate by with something noncommittal she'll let you out of here early. 30 salt and pepper sprinkled ceiling tiles, just like this time last week.

"Ripley, then," Ms. Stevens murmurs over a sip of her tea. The smell of ginger pierces your senses even from your spot against the wall. Your eyes meet over her FBI standard-issue mug and she's waiting for you to fill the silence and confirm her thoughts. You hate this game; being hyper-analyzed by the way you lean against the chair, or the tapping of your fingers on your thigh. 

Every move means something. Being a member of the FBI's Hostage and Rescue Team meant that you've been hardwired to always find a way out of any space you're put into, and somehow the job has translated into your day-to-day coping mechanisms as your eyes flicker towards the door.

Coping. Right. That's what you're supposed to be doing.

Sometimes you forget the reason why you're here every week— but no matter how painful or teeth-grating these appointments feel, they're the only constant you have right now. And they're mandatory, or else there's no going back to normal; any more time sitting at a desk makes you more anxious even if it's what's been prescribed by professionals like the one sitting across from you.

"You already know why I'm here. I know the big boss man already told you, and if not—office gossip spreads here like wildfire," you mutter, crossing your arms over your chest. Ms. Stevens takes note of that and writes something down in her notepad. "It's not what you think."

"You shot an unsub point blank and cost the FBI $4000 in damages."

Chuckling lowly, you run your hand through your hair, "Sheesh. You'd think for glass that expensive it'd be bulletproof, huh?" She's not laughing though, instead scribbling down more words and you think she's signing away your rights to rejoin your team. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal— you were just at the right place at the right time, and although you haven't been in rotation since your mandatory leave and the higher-ups put authorization holds to stop you from being on operations, that didn't mean you were just sitting around doing nothing. You still knew how to do your job, whether Ms. Stevens believed it or not. The shot you took made the weekly newsletter. Agent Fuchs and his family sent you a fruit basket this morning. Agents Hotchner and Rossi know your name now, for better or for worse. 

It was a bit of an odd way to end the weekend.

If anything, it was proof that you were ready to get back in action. But the subtle frown on her face says otherwise, and you swallow harshly, a lump in your throat feeling heavy like the truth— Ms. Stevens probably won't let this one go.

You realize she's staring at you for a better answer now as your eyes refocus on her fingers tapping on her desk. Nodding your head, it prompts her to ask the question that she's been holding back since you sat down. One could almost feel bad for the amount of paperwork that probably goes into your weekly sessions. 

Almost.

"How did you find yourself involved with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Ripley?" she emphasizes, finally getting to the point. Sucking air through your teeth, you tuck your legs underneath your bottom on the uncomfortable seat. This is going to take a while to explain.

"I just wanted a cup of coffee, man."

—

A WEEK AGO

No one can deny that Dr. Spencer Reid's best asset is his brain. 

He knows it too— the fact is one of the few things he's sure about himself. Other people are much easier to figure out to be honest; case details scrolling through his brain like a frenzied catalog and each input has an output, each symptom with a diagnosis, and so on. The neocortex of the brain has about 300 million pattern recognizers that crave data able to turn into patterns or rules, and Spencer is used to staying late after cases conclude to write down all of the reasons why. Something about unraveling the unsub's methodology in case files is just as exciting to him as when he's in the field figuring out the why—mind the fact that he can read 20,000 words a minute. 

In his periphery, he can see the rest of the team settling into their desk chairs, but he's traipsed straight over to the office kitchenette for something to fuel his brain to be able to mince through the stack of paperwork on his desk. He's ignoring the fact that Emily slips a few more onto his pile, but what he can't ignore as he stands over the counter stirring in way more sugar into his cup than there is coffee, is you, walking through the glass doors virtually undetected by anyone but him.

The metal of his teaspoon clinks against his mug, and a side glance at your form reveals a lot to him— but not quite as much as he would like to know about a person at first glance. Stiffness in your posture indicates some sort of military background, there's a slight tremor in your hands as you reach for the mug on the top shelf—probably attributed to nerves? Most likely since he's never seen you on this floor before. You blink slower than average, and Spencer thinks it's a sign of exhaustion which checks out since you're blatantly stealing coffee from the BAU.

Sending a soft smile his way, Spencer quickly eases up and nods at you, sipping his coffee as he watches you move about the small space. Okay, stealing is a vast over-exaggeration, but in an office filled with FBI agents, it's a wonder that he's the only one noticing these types of things. He's also staring at you very intently, which might affect things.

That or the caffeine's already hit him like a punch in the face. 

You're pouring some of Penelope's homemade oat milk creamer and he observes the way you play with a fray on your knit sweater. There's something that clinks in your jean pocket and it's too small to be a gun, too big to be—oh! You're saying something to him.

"You mind?"

Spencer clears his throat, ripping his eyes away from your crotch as a blush rises upon his cheeks—shaking his head anyway until he realizes that you've taken the spoon out of his hand to swirl into your own mug, sipping at it and frowning.

"You're not from this floor," he states, and it's not a question because it's rare to have people break patterns around here at the BAU and you're far too comfortable to be a civilian but still on edge enough for him to think you must be an agent. Humming, he notes the furrow in your brow as you grab the sugar canister from in front of him, stirring in your preferred amount and tasting it, then adding more again, "Yeah?"

"There are 12 desks in here; 2 executive offices not including our section chief's, liaison's, and higher admin surrounding the bullpen, plus 6 members of custodial staff and the auxiliary agents that run in from different departments—I would know a face like yours," he blurts, blinking when you grin at how that sounds. Dismissing his blunder, you lean back against the counter and chuckle, "You're protective of your turf. I get it. That's good. I'm just here for a cup of coffee. Smelled the good stuff wafting through the glass doors," Handing him back the spoon, he can't help but stand there and hold it out like an idiot as you continue, "You want my credentials or something…. Doctor?"

"No, not at—" "Ah, perfect!"

Rossi grabs the mug out of your hand and takes a big swig as he looks at something on his phone distractedly, "Anderson was supposed to have a cup ready for me as soon as we got back… Why is this uh….watery?"

"Oat milk, sir," you say, taking it in stride as the older man crinkles his nose, mumbling his thanks, walking back to his office. Your eyes meet Spencer's with an amused expression and he sighs. The watch on your wrist beeps and you give him a two-fingered salute as you make your way out of the glass doors behind you eastbound; his gaze doesn't break until you're out of sight.

A hand claps him on the shoulder and it's Morgan with that look he gets when he sees the resident pretty boy with a person of interest (also known as when Spencer is caught talking to anyone, ever), "Now who…" he chuckles, squeezing him so hard that his drink spills a little bit, "was that?"

Spencer blinks, pouring more sugar into his mug and stirring it with the spoon, "Definitely not a secretary like Rossi thinks…." He takes a sip before realizing he's made a mistake. Besides the fact the mug he drank from is contaminated now, he's forgotten to ask for your name.

"At least that's what I'm trying to figure out."

—

It has been exactly 8 and a half months since you've been an active operator for the HRT's Red team. 37 weeks of trying to come to terms that Special Agent Charlie Young is dead. 258 days since your childhood best friend Harper was made a widow and her baby left without a father. And no matter what way you put it, it was your fault. Or at least no matter what everyone's been trying to tell you, it still felt that way since he took a bullet that was meant for you.

You spent your 6 months of paid mandatory leave in the confines of your apartment nursing bottles of Jameson, watching old telenovelas, and avoiding phone calls from anyone who would try to reach out. But in the space that Charlie's absence left behind is the reality that everything in life keeps moving on whether you like it or not. You caught yourself craving your old routine to prove to yourself that nothing's changed; that you're still capable of being the elite agent that worked your way onto this prestigious team in the first place.

So as you lie in wait in an unmarked car outside of 107 Leavensworth, you plan to do just that—follow through with the mission, this second chance—and prove that nothing can shake you. The next operations cycle starts soon and you have to make this count. Your eyes lock with Agent Morgan's as he crosses the road arm in arm with Penelope. Nodding at him, you slink further into your seat. There's a long night ahead, but hopefully, the only thing that will be bothering you tonight is your thoughts.

When they pass the courtyard, your eyes flicker back towards the empty street, checking every which way for possible suspects. It's quiet, and the air is a bit chilly, the wind sweeping through the street like a frosty vacuum. Your phone buzzes with another text from Harper, a voicemail from your mother, and unread emails.

[From Harpy: Have an extra table setting out for Thanksgiving. Your two favorite girls would love to see you if you can make it! Miss you Rip.]

[Missed call from Mama: Hi honey, I know you're probably busy but I'm worried about if you're eating enough. You're overw—]

The sounds of footfalls on pavement draw your attention away from the voicemail as a man comes near, swiftly passing the direction of your car with the purpose of walking into the apartment courtyard. You slide out with ease, throwing your phone to the passenger seat before making your presence known to him, "Can I help you with something? What’s your bus—"

BANG!

Gunshots are so much louder when you're the one being shot at. 

You swear you feel your heart stop beating as your body hits the ground, ears ringing from the shock that ravages your being and you just…lay there in the smoke of his revolver. The spinning view you have of the stars is interrupted by the sound of Derek Morgan's voice yelling into your walkie, "WE HAVE A FEDERAL AGENT DOWN, I REPE—"

You swallow hard, fingers sliding over the breastplate of your bulletproof vest and feeling the gaping hole left behind.

Fuck, can't even die right. 

Pushing yourself up and feeling nothing but the gravel in your palms, you wheeze, "He's getting away…Two blocks northbound. GO!" The man tweaks his head at you before springing into action, "I got her, GO!" And then his body moves as fast as you suppose that bullet did— surging towards the assailant's direction as you clear your throat and dust yourself off and look up at Penelope's window, her beaded curtains shuffling against the glass.

"Disregard. 10-78, Agent Morgan is pursuing, I have eyes on the vic…"

Rushing up the stairs, there's a tremor in your hand that slides along the banister. You need to push through the shock before the adrenaline wears off, but the faster you fly up the circular staircase, the memories hit you like a tidal wave. The sound of Charlie singing to his baby girl, Harper's smile when you first introduced them at the Academy a few years ago. Lactic acid builds up in your calves and your chest feels tight—your joints feel stiff as you stumble through the door blowing air out in puffs like someone does when they get burned. In the dark of the apartment, moonlight shrouds you like a spotlight and the singing and the laughter turn into blood and tears.

You'll never forget the way Harper looked at you in that hospital waiting room. It should've been you. Weaving through the fallen furniture, your eyes scan the perimeter for any movement; she was last near the window, and then where did she go? It should've been you. Turning the corner towards the alcove of her bedroom, Penelope Garcia's scream pierces through the darkness, and a gun is pointed towards your chest for the second time tonight as you stumble back, bumping a sparkly cat statue off her side table. It should have been you.

"Don't s-shoot!" you stutter, hands in the air and now the colorful woman is sobbing into your arms, blubbering, "Why is this happening to me?"

"I don't know…" you sigh, asking yourself the same question and holding her up—at least her hug is tight enough that it squeezes the truth out of you. You don't want to die. 

But why didn't you?

Your second chance at fixing things was looking more and more like a second shot in the dark.

—

By the time Spencer and the rest of the team show up, he's pleasantly surprised to see you making coffee in Garcia's kitchen. You're a shadowy figure against her counter, sipping honey tea from a TARDIS mug and minding your business. The BAU has staged themselves across every open seat in her living room, almost looking like a part of the bits and bobs that occupy the space—different personalities contributing to help out one of their own. 

Hotch looks at you, introducing you to them and Spencer holds back a smile when your eyes meet again. It's awkward, like when the teacher introduces a new student to the class. You shuffle your feet towards the group, nodding and biting your lip when you hear your name, "Call me Ripley. S'easier that way. I'm on loan from HRT."

"Glad you were available. The rest of your team was deployed," his boss says, and there's something in your expression that signals to Spencer that you're upset about that fact. Maybe it's the way your hands graze over your abdomen repeatedly, like checking for a wound or the way your eyes are consistently downcast. Even after your empty mug is placed onto a sage green doily, he watches you clear your throat, crossing your arms over your chest as if blocking yourself off from the group. 

"It was a favor from Otis. My night was going to look like this or catching up on Days of Our Lives, so… Anyway, you guys are held in high regard in our area. For good reason."

"And so are you," Hotch actually smiles, soft enough like a father softens a blow, "Head back to the office and I'll tell Agent Otis that you did a great job."

"Um…Ripley can stay. We're friends now," the bubbly analyst says as she pushes her glasses up and grabs your arm.

"I don't want to intrude on your process—" "You won't be intruding at all," Spencer interrupts, "In fact, you might be more of an asset in helping us figure this out."

The pieces fall together as you watch the BAU work together like different organs that make up the same body, each with its own function and essential to their success. You take a seat next to him on the sofa, your eyes ricocheting off of the person who speaks like ping-pong balls and he knows it's overwhelming to some, but it works. 

"I told you I'm tired of this jag-off getting ahead of us," Rossi grits as he walks out of the apartment after grilling Garcia. There's an awkward silence once the team splits off and you don't move from your spot after the door closes, "He always like that? Looks friendlier in his author's headshot." Emily chuckles, hair brushing Garcia's shoulder as she leans over her laptop, and Morgan is pacing across the hardwood floors, fingers touching every little trinket to distract himself while his Babygirl works her magic.

"He's newer to the idea of a team."

Spencer has a heart-shaped throw pillow on his lap and he absent-mindedly plays with the sequins. He watches you chew on your lip before nodding, "Can imagine what that change feels like. Never easy. You guys are something else though—my Reds could never…get together like this."

"Isn't that the whole premise of the Hostage and Rescue Team? To be part of something?" The raven-haired woman pipes up, looking curiously at you. 

"Well, really it's to s—"

"Servare vitas—that's Latin for the HRT's motto 'to save lives'," Spencer hums, and you nod. There's a distant look in your eyes as you look off towards the window before speaking, "We just follow orders, I guess. In and out. It's funny how we're called operators when in reality we're the ones being ordered around." Your voice is wistful, going hoarse and you clear your throat. 

"Anyways, didn't Agent Rossi have three wives or something? Maybe he just needs to focus on finding a fourth."

The subject change lifts the tension that fills the room, everyone having a bit of a laugh at that. Morgan admires a blown glass ornament from Garcia's mantle before he moves his gaze to you, "He got it wrong three times, you think he'll find someone to lock it down for a fourth?"

"Actually, did you know that studies have found that the rate of divorce in the US is about 35% to 50% for first-time marriages and over 60% to 70% for second, third, or fourth marriages and beyond?"

No one moves a muscle at the statistic that spews out of his mouth like something from a well-oiled machine and you turn to him, full attention and tucking your legs underneath you with eyes full of wonder. He doesn't remember the last time someone's ever looked at him with anything other than mild unease.

"Really?"

"Really," he continues, "so even if you knew someone who could…" "Match his freak?" You suggest, interrupting him this time, and your choice of words makes Garcia giggle over the chatter of her keyboard, "I knew you were a cool cat."

He doesn't quite know what to say to that, always fumbling for words in front of attractive people, making Morgan send him a sidelong glance. Spencer goes back to playing with the sequined pillow instead.

"I got someone like that too. Hard to prove yourself when they don't give you a chance. It's like credentials, seniority, all that training goes out the window when I'm in front of them."

"Your boss?" Spencer mumbles, and you shrug, "Something like that." You sound like you don't want to share more, so he nods, saving your words for him to scroll through in his mind later, "He's definitely not Gideon." 

'Who's Gideon?" You ask, finishing off your cup of tea and leaning against the back of the sofa. It's comfy enough that all of your limbs sink in slightly, and he watches your eyes flutter with fatigue. Spencer tries not to get distracted by the way your eyes sparkle in the twinkly lights that hang from the walls of Garcia's apartment.

"He was…before. Before Rossi. Taught me everything I know."

"Must've been a good guy then, if you're this good at your job," you smile. It's the same smile you sent his way in the office kitchenette, soft yet like a shockwave, and he thinks that even without his eidetic memory, he'd remember your words forever.

"Mhm…" you muse, putting the cover of the TARDIS mug back where it belongs and standing up, "I should get back to the office. It was nice meeting you all, despite the circumstances." You nod at them, passing Garcia and patting her head before humming a tune on your way out.

"Ripley's kinda great, huh?"

Spencer nods, a small smile gracing his features. When he looks up, Garcia's staring right at him. Only the two of them recognize the Doctor Who theme song, after all.

—

You desperately need a drink.

You're sitting on Anderson's desk staring at the mess you've made of the BAU's bullpen, shattered glass sparkling like little fractals of light on the floor beneath your feet and this night just got longer. By the time they process your gun and get your official statement it'll be sunrise, you think. You can't look at the body even after they cover it with a tarp, the rest of the team tiptoeing through the debris in the entryway. This one's gonna be tough to explain to your superiors.

"Ripley!"

Penelope Garcia is rushing over to you and hanging off your side in a second, making the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach go away for a moment with her eyes shining like tinsel on Christmas morning and the guilt feels a bit lighter. You did a good thing. Then why…why won't your hands stop shaking?

"I never wanted you to do something like that for me," she starts, rubbing your arms and looking up into your eyes, "Do you hear me? Ripley."

You didn't even blink when you shot him, and you don't know if anyone would consider that the best or worst part of it all. Shrugging and placing your cheek against the hand that remains on your shoulder, you purse your lips, "I hear ya. I'll be okay now that you're gonna be okay," You sniff, blinking slowly as you watch your boss walk in, exchanging words with Fuchs and Hotch. "'Sides. We're friends now. You do what you have to when protecting your own." Your voice shakes a bit as you trail off, torn between the grateful smile on Garcia's face and the unreadable expression on your boss'.

"I had some time earlier, during everything going on—I work quick you know? And I do little crafts when I get stressed, so…" You feel a familiar piece of clothing being pressed into your hands, and it's your jacket. You didn't even realize you left it at her apartment, ripping it off after getting shot. A small embroidered pink flower now occupies the space where the bullet hole was. She giggles, squeezing your hand as you run it over her handiwork, "Sorry I only had pink thread."

"Pretty. Even better like this. You're a genius, you know that?"

The look on her face reminds you of a little kid who gets told their drawing is a work of art, but you revel in it. Despite the fact you might lose your job for insubordination, or whatever else Ms. Stevens can tack on—Otis is still looking at you from across the room, a talk imminent for your behavior. The HRT is risk intolerant, and though you saved a life today, you took someone else's.

"I read through your file."

Your eyes rip back and meet Penelope's as she stares at you hard through her glasses, "Uh…"

"Don't worry, just me. I just… get it now. The way you walked into my apartment earlier and you couldn't catch your breath, why you're the only Red left behind. I mean I'm like that after any type of cardio, and totally get it too, I…" she stops herself, and grabs your hands, "I get it. I've been there. I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk, without the dark office and psych evaluation."

"You sure you're not a profiler?" you say simply, smirking. She laughs more freely than she has in days, patting your cheek, "Ripley, if I was, I wouldn't have been able to pass along your reinstatement papers. Your boss will see that soon enough. Again, thank you." 

You can't do anything but laugh—any type of unease lifting from your system before you catch a certain spectacled analyst staring at your new friend, and you nudge her, "You know, with all the heat I'm getting right now—No one's looking at me like that." Garcia grins, looking over her shoulder and then back to you.

"Do you believe everything happens for a reason?"

As you watch her saunter over and talk to the guy, you start to believe it too. 

A steaming cup of coffee is placed next to your thigh and you look over to see Spencer leaning against the other edge of the desk watching you.

"Just the way you like it."

You beam at him, leaning over to gulp the scorching liquid. The steam spreads in the short distance between you as you cock your head at him, "You remembered!"

He shrugs like it's nothing of the sort, the small gesture warming you just as much as the coffee does as it travels to your stomach. 

"Do you know how hard it's been to get a cup of coffee around here?"

And then the two of you are giggling like schoolchildren, hiding behind furtive glances and shaking hands like there isn't a dead body covered by a tarp 10 feet away from where you sit. He nervously scratches at the pit of his elbow, unsure of what to say next but the moment is broken when Otis and Hotch walk over, effectively silencing your laughter. Spencer walks away quickly.

"Listen…"

Your boss sighs, rubbing at his bald head as he looks at you, "Let me guess, I'm not gonna believe what happened?" Hotch raises his eyebrows, "So you weren't kidding, Otis. That's why this agent goes by Ripley."

"You always have a way of doing things your own way, Rip."

Grimacing, your hands tighten around the mug as you look at your superior in the eye, "I followed orders and saved a life today. The rest.. was just because I really was trying to get a cup of coffee," The two men stare at you curiously, almost forming a blockade around your position on the desk, "Penelope adds vanilla and cinnamon to her oat milk." Otis looks unconvinced, still not blinking. 

"I'm serious! It's delicious!"

Otis pinches the bridge of his nose before walking away. As he goes, he calls out, "You're back on for the next cycle." You spring up almost as if electrocuted, "Seriously? Can't take that back!"

"Don't do anything to make me want to," your boss says when he gets to the entryway, sweeping glass with the sole of his shoe, "No more surprises. I mean it, Ripley. Keep it up."

"Congratulations are in order then," Hotch says, shaking your hand, "I'll get the detective over to speed up your clearance. We all need a good night's rest."

"Thank you, sir."

Nothing can take away the elation that runs through your veins—like being brought back from the dead. You did what you set out to do, you made your second chance count and now you're an operator again. The type that saves lives and is in action instead of just filing paperwork and watching day go to night without feeling fulfilled. Excitement blurs your senses, your knee hopping up and down and it's not the coffee but the feeling of being useful again after all this—

"And Agent?"

"Sir?" you blurt out, looking up at Hotch, face falling at his next words, "I'm sorry for your loss. Agent Young would be proud of you." You smile at him and the emptiness sets back in when he turns away, immediately taking a big gulp of your drink as the muscle memory sinks in. 

It's not his fault of course. But how foolish of you to forget why it all happened in the first place. Your quest for redemption and who you've lost on the way here. Would Charlie be proud? Looking around the room for prying eyes, you twist off the cap of the flask that sits in your pocket with nimble fingers, slipping it into your long sleeve and pouring the contents into your mug until it's empty. As you take a sip, your eyes meet Spencer's over the brim and your heart lodges itself in your throat as you try to wash it all down. He nods anyway, scratching the nape of his neck and averting his eyes as he comes back to sit next to you.

"It all makes sense now."

The whiskey acts as a security blanket, protecting your feelings from what he might say next. It'd be better to pretend to not care what the doctor thinks of you, but when his shoulder nudges yours, you realize you do.

"Hmm?"

"Ripley. Did you know Robert Ripley originally titled his sports feature Champs or Chumps when it premiered in the New York Globe in 1918?" Spencer says like he didn't just catch you in the act. 

"You don't have to do this, y'know," you sigh, your mouth wavering over the now-cold beverage. Being patronized over your alcoholism might just send you into a bender if we're being honest, but then he scratches at his elbow again, sleeve rolling up slightly—and then you see the dots along his skin. Faint traces of fights neither of you bring to the surface go unspoken and for the first time in a year, someone sees you—vices and all and doesn’t recoil. There’s a wave that passes between you, hidden from the people that scatter the room and you can feel something crash over you in his presence. You think you might like it, even possibly sure of it when he speaks again.

"Why not? Obscure facts are right up my alley."

The sun rises on Quantico in the big windows behind you, framing everything in a new light.

—

"So are you?"

You blink slowly, torn from the reverie. It's been almost an hour of piecing together the parts you want to tell Ms. Stevens about how last night led to getting reinstated and earning your spot back on your team. The rest…you left out to not overcomplicate the situation. Come on… everyone lies to their therapist even a little bit.

"Hmm?"

She looks at you intently from a sentence she scribbles onto her notepad, "Are you ready to go back to work?"

Glancing at the ceiling, and then to the placard on her desk, Kirsten Stevens, EAC in blocky white font—you put your thoughts into words, "I mean even if I wasn't, I have to. This is my job. I have to do it well."

"But are you ready? Do you feel… able to do it well?"

Your eyebrows furrow, "I feel like you think I'm not—even if I've already proven I can." Ms. Stevens sighs, pulling her hair back into her claw clip and clasping her fingers together. Disappointment reeks from her stare, and you can't get to the bottom of why this woman seems like she's out to get you. You do the training, you perform well on the job, what else is there to worry about? The timer beeps, signaling the end of your session and you push off your knees, getting up from the couch. Your joints creak, frowning as you're still waiting for her to say something.

"Ripley. No one's saying you can't do your job well. What I am saying is, that until you admit to yourself that something's wrong…that feeling won't go away. You can't just run from your past," she says calmly. It's almost irritating, and a part of you wishes she'd yell at you instead. 

"I'm not running. I'm facing it head-on by doing what he would want me to do. Charlie would want me to get back to normal and be back at work." 

And she nods at you, turning back to her notepad and handing you a sheet detailing the inner work you have to do before your next appointment, "I can agree with that. We'll move you to every two weeks now since you're heading back to work. I hope to hear from you about any new updates…" Ms. Stevens says, continuing but the rest you don't listen to. She didn't even mention Charlie and he's all everything comes back to. If this is the help she’s prescribing, why does it still feel like you’re drowning?

You walk out of her office with the paper in your clenched fist and your phone in the other as you shoot a text to Penelope.

[To PG: Hey, I hope you're feeling better! Can you send me Dr. Reid's number? I need to ask him something. Also, Rossi's definitely single right? Asking for a friend (not me).]

—

"Let's say you've swallowed a bad thing and now it's got its hands inside you. This is the essence of love and failure." - Richard Siken

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[losingweightandcarkeys]

rating natural weight loss supplements I've tried

apple cider vinegar, 10/10 , so I have to learn how to use this, but eating it before meals make me feel full on a much smaller portion then usually. I need to remember to take this every time before dinner. also, at least for me, this only works in pill form, and taking a smaller dose. pills because the messes up my throat, and a smaller dose because if I take to much I just get really sick rather then just feeling not hungry.

metamucil, 2/10 this made me less hungry, it also made me horribly, painfully constipated. precede with caution

lemon water, 7/10 I think the main bonus of this is it's something you can order at a restaurant without anyone caring. there is some evidence to suggest that it actually make the food you eat have less calories because it limits your ability to digest the food( same with apple cider vinegar). it seems to be a small effect, but like, why not? as an appetite suppression, eh. it's better then nothing.

green tea 4/10, I feel like this doesn't not work? it's a nice thing to have on my lunch break while I'm fasting, but I don't think it makes me feel full for any longer then it takes for me to finish the cup. theoretically it may or may not have long term weight loss benefits, but the difference is to subtle for me to notice. I still drink it though, if only because tea is tasty

berberine, 0/10 I tried this several times because the science is there, and this clearly work for some people. but every time I tried it, without fail, I binged like crazy. like, 4000 calorie, eat everything in the fridge while standing in the kitchen binged. I didn't necessarily feel hungry, but just, fundamentally unsatisfied no matter how much I ate.

coffee, 8/10, my sweet, my love. I drink both decaff and caffeinated and they both work the same hungry wise. caffeinated coffee is really good for before a workout to get a boost. all coffee works to make me not hungry for 2-3 hours, and then it wears off. drinking more coffee has diminishing effect, and it doesn't seem reduce how much I eat at meals. it is really nice to keep around though. plus coffee is apparently really good for long term health.

[ptseti]

MEDICAL NUMBERS IN THE LIFE OF EVERY HUMAN BEING*

Blood pressure: 120 / 80

Pulse: 70 - 100

Temperature: 36.8 - 37

Respiration: 12-16

Hemoglobin: Males (13.50-18) Females ( 11.50 - 16 )

Cholesterol: 130 - 200

Potassium: 3.50 - 5

Sodium: 135 - 145

Triglycerides: 220

The amount of blood in the body: Pcv 30-40%

Sugar: for Children (70-130) Adults: 70 - 115

Iron: 8-15 mg

White blood cells: 4000 - 11000

Platelets: 150,000 - 400,000

Red blood cells: 4.50 - 6 million..

Calcium: 8.6 - 10.3 mg/dL

Vitamin D3: 20 - 50 ng/ml (nanograms per milliliter)

Vitamin B12: 200 - 900 pg/ml Tips for those who have reached Over: the 40years the 50 the 60 First tip: Always drink water even if you don't feel thirsty or need it… the biggest health problems and most of them are from the lack of water in the body. 2 litres Minimum per day (24 hours)

Second tip: Play sports even when you are at the top of your preoccupation…the body must be moved, even if only by walking…or swimming…or any kind of sports. 🚶 Walking is Good for a Start… 👌

Third Tip: Reduce food…

Leave excessive food cravings… because it never brings good. Don't deprive yourself, but reduce the quantities. Use more Of Protein, Carbohydrates based Foods.

Fourth tip As much as possible, do not use the Car unless absolutely necessary… Try to reach on your Feet for what you want ( grocery, visiting someone…) or any goal. Climb Stairs, than use Elevator, Escalator

Fifth tip let go of ANGER… let go of Anger… let go of anger… Let go of Worry…. try to overlook things…

Do not involve yourself in situations of Disturbance… they all diminish health and take away the splendor of the soul. Choose a babysitter you feel comfortable with. Talk to People who are Positive and Listen 👂

Sixth tip As it is said..leave your Money in the Sun.. and sit in the Shade.. don't limit yourself and those around you… money was made to live By it, not to live For it.

Seventh tip Don't make yourself feel Sorry for anyone, nor on something you could not Achieve, Nor anything that you could not Own. Ignore it, Forget it;

Eighth tip Humility.. then humility.. for Money, Prestige, Power and Influence… they are all things that are corrupted by Arrogance and arrogance.. Humility is what brings people Closer to you with Love. ☺

Ninth tip If your hair turns Grey, this does not mean the End of Life. It is proof that a Better life has Begun. 🙋 Be Optimistic, live with Remembrance, Travel, Enjoy yourself. Make Memories!

It may help someone when you share it

HEALTH HINTS FOR MY ELDERS

However busy you are, observe all these to remain healthy: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Drink less milk in your tea. Instead, add lemon or lime juice.In the day time, drink more water; but night time, drink less.

In the day don't drink more than 2 cups of coffee, Advisable To Stop Completely too.Eat less oily foods.

Best sleeping times are between 10pm to 6am.In the evening, eat little or nothing after 5 or 6pm. ~~~~~ Don't take medicines with cold water but with warm, and take your medicines half an hour before going to bed. Never take medicines and lie down immediately.

As you aged further , stop drinking chilled water but drink only water at room temperature Try to sleep for at least 8 hours per day.

Having a nap for an hour and a half between noon and 3pm, to relieve stress and keep younger and not age easily.Once your mobile phone battery is left with only one bar, don't make calls anymore, because the dangerous radiation and waves are one many times higher than a fully charged battery.

Use your left ear to answer calls, right ear will directly hurt your brain. 😳 Better still to use earphones to answer calls.Two things to check as often as you can: (1) Your blood pressure (2) Your blood sugar.

Six things to reduce to the minimum on your foods: (1) Salt (2) Sugar (3) Preserved meat and foods (4) Red meat especially roasted (5) Dairy products (6) Starchy productsFour things to increase in your foods: (1) Greens/vegetables (2) Beans (3) Fruits (4) Nuts

Three things you need to forget: (1) Your age 😮 (2) Your past 🤔 (3) Your worries/grievances 👍🏽Four things you must have, no matter how weak or how strong you are: (1) Friends who truly love you (2) Caring family (3) Positive thoughts (4) A warm home.

Seven things you need to do to stay healthy: (1) Singing (2) Dancing (3) Fasting (4) Smiling/laughing (5) Trek/exercise (6) Have sex often with your love (7) Reduce your weight. Six things you don't have to do: (1) Don't wait till you are hungry to eat (2) Don't wait till you are thirsty to drink (3) Don't wait till you are sleepy to sleep (4) Don't wait till you feel tired to rest (5) Don't wait till you get sick to go for medical check-ups otherwise you will only regret later in life (6) Don’t wait till you have problem before you pray to your God.

One thing you must do after reading these health tips:

(1) Forward this to your loved ones and friends, and as you do so, may God bless U.

While go about your normal business please let's remember to always check our body to know how fit you are. Health is wealth.

MEDICAL FITNES HIGH BP ----------

120/80 -- Normal 130/85 --Normal (Control) 140/90 -- High

150/95 -- V.High

PULSE --------

72 per minute (standard) 60 --- 80 p.m. (Normal)

40 -- 180 p.m.(abnormal)

TEMPERATURE -----------------

98.4 F (Normal) 99.0 F Above (Fever)

Please help your Relatives, Friends by sharing this information….

Heart Attacks- Drinking Warm Water:

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about Heart Attack's. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating. For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is very Harmful to have Cold Drink/Water during a meal. Because, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

French fries and Burgers are the biggest enemy of heart health. A coke after that gives more power to this demon. Avoid them for your Heart's & Health.

Drink one glass of warm water just when you are about to go to bed to avoid clotting of the blood at night to avoid heart attacks or strokes.

A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. …

Good Morning!!

[ewan-mo]

Off East

Monday 25th Sept 2023

We woke to a warm sunny day and enjoyed the trill of the kingfishers.  I was sorry we hadn’t had much chance to bird watch here, as we had seen quite few just as we moved around. – turacos, hornbills, kingfishers, weaver birds etc.

A woodland kingfisher, taken on a previous trip.

A short drive to Mukono hospital where we were warmly greeted by Dr Simon – one of our favourite medical directors.  He invited in his senior team – and then got involved in a clinical emergency, so we had a very interesting discussion with his team about cremation, cemeteries, the ancestors and post mortems!

Mukono hospital is doing well with mental health, having started from nothing. It’s one of the hospitals where JF has nudged them into taking mental health seriously.  

A view of Mukono hospital

Eseza, one of the brightest of the PCO’s we have sponsored as she trained, is based here. Transport for her and her colleagues to get out to clinics and home visits is an issue. The vehicle we used yesterday is much needed during the week, which is partly why the community clinics are on a Sunday. We said to the team if they come up with a reasonable proposal we will see if we can raise the £4000 or so to buy a motor cycle with protective gear and get them properly trained.  The main road outside the hospital would be awful to ride on but once you are off that most of the roads are fairly quiet dirt roads.

Although they are sad JF is closing, they are already planning how to continue things.  We were able to reassure them that JF will support them for the 12 months we have committed to, and possibly longer.   Where there are specific projects being funded by JF that are showing promise, us two as individuals, with some other supporters may be able to continue the support for a bit longer, provided there is a good management team as well.

Dr Simon and Moses, the administrator, then took us over the road for a light lunch before we set off to Tororo, 4 hours drive away.  We had a clear run, with occasional showers, including seeing some baboons on the road.

Street traders selling roasted maize cobs and drinks to those trapped in over-crowded minibuses.

We arrived at the Benedictine Fathers retreat centre before 5 and enjoyed the peacefulness, with a cup of tea in the grounds.

[blossomglee]

Nestled amidst the serene landscapes of Uttarakhand, Bhimtal is a charming destination that beckons travelers with its lush greenery, tranquil lakes, and pleasant weather. If you’re planning a getaway to this picturesque town but are mindful of your budget, you’re in luck! The Blossom Glee offers a range of affordable hotels in Bhimtal under ₹4000, ensuring that you enjoy a comfortable and memorable stay without breaking the bank.

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Bhimtal is renowned for its beautiful lake, which is a key attraction for visitors. The lake, surrounded by verdant hills, provides a perfect backdrop for relaxing boat rides and leisurely strolls. In addition to the lake, Bhimtal boasts numerous attractions, including the ancient Bhimeshwar Temple, the scenic Naukuchiatal Lake, and the charming hill station of Nainital, which is just a short drive away. Whether you’re an adventure enthusiast, a nature lover, or simply seeking relaxation, Bhimtal has something for everyone.

The Blossom Glee: Your Affordable Hotel Solution

At The Blossom Glee, we understand the importance of providing value for money without compromising on quality. Our selection of hotels under ₹4000 in Bhimtal offers a range of amenities and services designed to make your stay as enjoyable and comfortable as possible. Here’s what you can expect when you choose to stay with us:

1. Comfortable Accommodations

Our hotels offer cozy and well-furnished rooms that cater to various preferences and needs. Whether you’re traveling solo, with a partner, or with family, you’ll find accommodations that provide a restful retreat after a day of exploring. Our rooms are equipped with essential amenities such as comfortable beds, clean linens, and en-suite bathrooms, ensuring a pleasant and hassle-free stay.

2. Convenient Locations

The Blossom Glee’s hotels are strategically located to give you easy access to Bhimtal’s main attractions and local conveniences. You’ll be able to enjoy the beauty of the lake, visit nearby temples, and explore the local markets without spending too much time traveling. Additionally, our hotels are situated in safe and secure areas, providing you with peace of mind throughout your stay.

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We pride ourselves on offering excellent customer service that goes above and beyond to make your stay enjoyable. Our friendly and professional staff are always ready to assist with your needs, whether it’s arranging transportation, providing local recommendations, or addressing any special requests. At The Blossom Glee, you’re not just a guest; you’re part of our family.

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One of the key advantages of choosing The Blossom Glee is our commitment to providing affordable lodging options. Our hotels offer competitive rates under ₹4000, making it easier for you to enjoy a memorable vacation without overspending. We believe that comfort and quality should be accessible to all, and our pricing reflects that philosophy.

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While staying with us, you’ll have the opportunity to savor delicious local cuisine. Many of our hotels feature on-site dining options that serve a variety of regional dishes, allowing you to experience the flavors of Uttarakhand without leaving the premises. For those who prefer to explore local dining spots, our staff will be happy to recommend popular eateries and cafes in the area.

6. Relaxing Atmosphere

The Blossom Glee’s hotels are designed to offer a peaceful and relaxing atmosphere, perfect for unwinding after a day of sightseeing. Enjoy our well-maintained gardens, cozy lounges, and serene surroundings that enhance your overall experience. Whether you’re lounging with a book or enjoying a cup of tea, you’ll find plenty of opportunities to relax and rejuvenate.

Book Your Stay Today

If you’re planning a visit to Bhimtal and are looking for a budget-friendly yet comfortable place to stay, The Blossom Glee is the perfect choice. Our hotels under ₹4000 in bhimtal offer a blend of affordability, comfort, and convenience, ensuring that your trip to this beautiful destination is both enjoyable and economical.

To book your stay or learn more about our offerings, visit our website or contact our reservation team. We look forward to welcoming you to The Blossom Glee and making your Bhimtal adventure unforgettable.

Conclusion

Traveling doesn’t have to be expensive to be enjoyable. With The Blossom Glee’s selection of hotels in Bhimtal under ₹4000, you can experience the beauty and charm of this hill station without stretching your budget. Embrace the serene landscapes, explore local attractions, and enjoy comfortable accommodations all while saving money. Your perfect Bhimtal getaway awaits!

[kaushalgoa-blog]

Everest Base Camp Trek Packing List

Merino (Inner Layer) - 5000 Rs

2. Fleece (Middle Layer) - 1100 Rs

3. Long Sleeve Shirt - 1000 Rs

4. Trekking Pant - 3000 Rs

5. Hiking Pant (Warm) - 1000 Rs

6. Down Jacket (-10 C) - 6600 Rs

7. Socks - 3400 Rs

Quick Dry Trekking Socks - 700 Rs - Trekking till Namche Bazaar

Woolen Socks - 600 Rs - Namche Bazaar onwards

Warm Hiking Socks - 1000 Rs - Wear after Dingboche

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8558643/winter-socks/unisex-woolen-winter-socks-with-merino-wool-silk-2-pairs-grey-sh500?id=8558643&type=p

Merino Wool Socks - 1100 Rs - Wear in the Tea House at night

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8641372/winter-socks/warm-hiking-socks-sh500-mid-2-pairs

8. Backpack - 8000 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8581388/rucksacks/trekking-bag-5010l-air-mt-500-blue

9. Inners - 1840 Rs

Cotton - 400 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8574751/shorts/men-s-boxer-cotton-rich-500-black

Synthetic - 360 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8489345/running-underwear/boxer-de-running-homme-respirant

10. Quick Dry Towel - 600 Rs

Big Towel - 500 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8816785/nabaiji/microfibre-pool-towel-size-l-85-x-160-cm-dark-grey

Hand Towel - 100 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8642227/nabaiji/microfiber-towel-size-s-39-x-55-cm-dark-blue

11. Gloves - 1800 Rs

Glove Liner - 900 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8555763/forclaz/adult-trekking-merino-wool-liner-gloves-mt500-grey

Winter Gloves - 900 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8562916/gloves-and-mittens/winter-gloves-for-skiing-gl100-waterproof-black

12. Sleeping Bag Silk Liner - 3000 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8578334/forclaz/silk-sleeping-bag-liner-mt500

13. Rain Poncho - 700 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8737843/forclaz/hiking-rain-poncho-mt50-grey

14. Neck - 400 Rs

Neck warmer - 200 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8042436/neck-warmers/winter-neck-warmer-adjustable-black

Neck Scarf - 200 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8799833/climbing-mountaineering-clothing/neck-warmer-alpinism-grey

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8616258/forclaz/bandana-scarf-mt100-grey

15. Head

Balaclava - 200 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8040878/neck-warmers/adult-ski-fleece-balaclava-black

Monkey Cap - From local market

16. Head Light - 1000 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8505682/headlamps-torches/trekking-usb-rechargeable-head-light-120-lumens-hl100-blue

17. Water Bottle - 2600 Rs

Thermos Flask - 1500 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8734560/quechua/1-l-stainless-steel-isothermal-water-bottle-with-cup-for-hiking-blue

Camel Bag - 1100 Rs

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C31CJPL

18. Anti UV Category-4 Sunglasses - 1500 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8615925/sunglasses/adult-hiking-sunglasses-mh570-cat4

19. Trekking poles - 4000 Rs

https://www.decathlon.in/p/8379457/summer-collection/hiking-pole-anti-shock-500-grey

20. Sunscreen 70+ SPF - 800 Rs

https://www.amazon.com/Neutrogena-Ultra-Dry-Touch-Sunscreen-Spectrum/dp/B005IHT94S/

21. Aquatabs 49 mg - 1300 Rs

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09B2TVKGB

22. Ziploc Bags (2 Gallon) - 1000 Rs

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001B331A6

23. Floaters/Sandals - 400 Rs

https://www.amazon.in/gp/product/B0BR2NQGHK

24. Cap - 450 Rs

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B08KT31XGQ

25. Cosmetics -

Face wipes - 150 Rs

https://www.amazon.in/gp/product/B08D437695

Body Wipes - 270

https://www.amazon.in/gp/product/B0BNBX5213/

[indianchaicompany]

Congratulations Team @mumbaiindians for winning IPL2020! ❤ Mumbaikars, celebrate this victory of Mumbai Indians by sharing a cup of Chai made with our Bombay Cutting Blend! ☕ PS: We are coming soon with our retail outlet in Mumbai to give you another reason to share memories over Chai!

[luxurypetsorg]

Make your gift extra special by adding in health benefits to it ✨ This festive season, gift your loved ones the gift of health and joy by selecting our Tea Blends made with nutritious ingredients like Tulsi, Nutmeg, Star Anise, Ashwagandha, Amla and much more! 🎁 Explore Our Collection At: http://indianchaicompany.com/diwali 📥 #GiftAChange #chai #chaitime #tea #teatime #teaaddict #tealovers #tealicious #teaforlife #indiantea #immunitytea #healthytea #teaholic #ashwagandhatea #tulsitea

[spywitch]

I fucking hate how much fearmongering there is within the trans masc community about our own transitions. People spread so much misinformation + just talk really disrespectfully about the transitioning process just because parts of it aren’t their cup of tea and it gets on my nerves so much.

1. No, FTM people are NOT required to sign up for the draft, it literally says so on the selective service website. You just have to tell them you are transgender. Besides that the draft is extremely unlikely to be used again due to the way the military works nowadays and should not deter you from changing your gender marker.

2. On rare occassions, people do have negative medical side effects from T that unfortunately cause them to have to stop taking it. However for the most part, the shit people talk about as “negative side effects” are not “side effects,” they’re just the effects. That are supposed to happen. They might not all be that pleasant, but the sweating, acne, mood swings, male pattern baldness, those are not “side effects.” They also vary greatly from person to person and by dosage. They could be very difficult for some depending on what you are already predisposed to, but for most they really aren’t that bad. If they do impact your decision to transition, thats valid, but you do not need to fearmonger and share your repulsion to these effects all the fucking time.

3. Bottom growth. Nobody cares how repulsive or scary you find it. Be mindful. You are literally talking about other trans bodies. And again it also varies wildly, some people have rapid, uncomfortable/painful huge growth, and many people its not that extreme. Many people love it and it can be very advantagous. You don’t have to freak out just because its not something you want.

4. Bottom surgery. Yes it can seem scary/painful. Yes the results may not seem ideal or worth it to some people. But again, just BE MINDFUL that these are other trans peoples bodies who have done bottom surgery, and for many of them it was a very necessary procedure that makes them much more happy and comfortable in their bodies. Someone talking about their bottom surgery or considering it does not need 4000 negative comments underneath about how scary it is or how they don’t like the way it looks.

Like y’all we can spread accurate information about all the pros and cons of transitioning and let everyone make their own decisions about which parts they want and which they don’t without constantly making it out to be this scary and unpleasant process.

My advice if you are a baby trans and think you might want to medically transition is for one, don’t let other people scare you from it. There is NO RUSH to transition, you can wait until you are sure, I promise your results will still be great even if you wait. There also is no reason you have to go all or nothing. You can go on T and not get surgeries. You can go on lower doses of T to minimize unwanted effects, you can go on T and then stop just to get some of the effects. Many surgeons prefer you to be on T for a year before doing top surgery, but some will allow you not to be on it (or you could go on, do your surgery, then go off but there can be risks of slight growth back after). You can do nothing medical and can still be valid and happy. Just… remember to be respectful to those that do.

[mysticdarklite]

Birthday binge. Massive amount of eggplant Parmigiano minus the parm...no cheese. It was so good, and I probably ate like 5000 calories. I hate myself right now. But, NO PURGING! Im drinking detox tea..one with dandelion root, and the other has a ton of herbs..I had a glass of the dandelion detox tea before I ate..hope it helps kinda move things through and stop the bloat! Its a new day tomorrow, and ill be back on track!

B: nothing

S: 4 "chocolate lace" wheat puffs (120cal)

L: 2 cups skinny pop (80cal)

D: waaaaaaay too much eggplant and pasta (4000??)

S: lemon fiber one soft bar with my candle in it...(70cal)

Tomorrow is a new day...lots of tea tonight! XXOO 💜

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 12: Pharaoh, a Well Known Magician of Darkness, Swears he Has Never Done That.

I just had the most disappointing cheesecake cup of my entire life, so lets talk about Yugioh. From weird dessert to weird desert. ha.

I mean OK. Sure. I mean they gotta do something while they look for Yugi in a desert that isn’t really known for it’s off-roading, but it also isn’t known for it’s card game scene so...

But then the show decided to fill even more empty time with Rebecca sharing this piece of info when I least expected it. Now. In S4.

Y’all I was SO surprised.

I know that the show is doing this for the people just tuning into Yugioh for the first time but...Man, I’m having flashbacks to that time Yugi didn’t tell anyone that Bakura freakin died for over 40 episodes until Marik had to do it for him.

Yugi never told the girl he gave the friendship card to, that his best friend is ACTUALLY a 4000 yo ghost that haunts his every move. (5000 yo? I forget how old he is)

Tea just patiently reveals all of Yugi’s deepest darkest terrifying occult secrets to Rebecca with a smile on her face the entire time.

That’s girl talk. Can affirm--this is what girl talk looks like.

(read more Girl Talk under the cut)

Her explanation on the show actually did not point out that there is a separate entity with a completely different personality, so I think that people watching the show for the first time would still be hella confused. Instead it was more “this is Yugi’s strong and handsome side which I clearly like WAY MORE, and this is the other one”

Like she kinda left out the part where one is a ghost.

So this scene basically takes away any tension that a 4-way love square would have brought to the table.

And that’s fine. I really didn’t need a love square that involves both a 12 year old and a ghost. For me, as a person who is immune to shipping, it just seemed wildly too complicated for the same writing team who have been trying to bury Kaiba and his relationship with that that paper card since they brought it up in S2.

But apparently no one in this square cares they all kinda like the same person and that this particular person is two people. And as they go on about what they like about Yugi, it’s clear that both girls have made kind of a perfect dream Yugi who...just doesn’t exist at all. Maybe if either of them actually went on more than one date with the boy, they would separate the dream from the reality and realize fully that, in actuality, Yugi and Pharaoh both are a human version of that “hang in there!” poster with the struggling kitten on it.

TBH I think the women in this show forgot they like Yugi, it was a very friendzoning style of conversation.

Meanwhile, Rafael’s giant arms only continue to grow even more muscular with every scene as he tell us the vague deep lore behind this necklace. It’s sort of like watching a webcomic written by a teenager. The muscles keep growing, and growing, but the characters have to keep getting distracted by lore, and then midway the lore drop, the writer goes on a hiatus because of finals and just never comes back so it feels like you’re stuck in lore limbo forever.

I do like that Pharaoh’s like “your necklace is evil, take that off” when he has also been wearing the Oricalchos necklace the entire time.

Maybe because it was just waaay too tempting for Yugi to look at that jewelry and NOT wear that jewelry? Yugi has kind of a magpie problem with accessories, as we all know, and I can’t believe this magpie problem has put him into mortal peril so many times.

And then the show finally does us the favor of explaining why some people go cray when they wear haunted jewelry, and others do not.

Which does not bode well for Ryou. Not like we ever hang out with Ryou enough to find out his personal balance between being a meek little Brishish(ish?) kid that likes to eat cookies and his demon form that likes to stab things. Like seriously, would have liked to know more about Ryou ever at all, but since Season 1 ended, he’s only Ryou for like...2 minutes at a time before he’s back to being wonderful, scene shredding, serial murderer asshole Bakura.

Also, unrelated note, WHAT THE HELL, ART TEAM.

Is that turtleneck just spray painted on??? Why does this guy ever bother with cards? He can just do some punches and probably accomplish the same damn thing and a lot quicker. This man is larger than...any other human that has been on this show.

And so it’s at this point that Rafael’s decided like “ahaha my master plan, I will make Pharaoh doubt himself” and it’s like...

...you actually don't need to give Pharaoh a push, he and Yugi doubt themselves so often they’d list it as one of their hobbies on their edgy Livejournals (because they would keep two)

This fight with Rafael was kinda frustrating, because while most villains make points where it’s like “oh, you were tortured underground your whole life because of something I did in my past life, yeah that checks out.” all of Rafael’s points had so little to do with Pharaoh and were...so easy to debunk...

Like I made the joke about Flat Earther’s the last recap but you know what? I can see Rafael being a Flat Earther. Straight up. You can tell him the sky is blue and he’ll start going off about how all of humanity needs to die because the sky is actually made of Meyer lemons.

Darts even decided to say this line.

Which I thought was mostly funny because Pharaoh still has no idea that thing around his neck can shoot lasers, but also funny because the only reason Yugi has friends is because he initially cursed them to like him in Season Zero. And that wasn’t even Pharaoh, that was YUGI. Rafael is just SO very late to this party.

So, he decides to give Pharaoh an Oricalchos card, and like...

And I don’t believed I capped this part of the last episode, but before they even started this game, Rafael was like “yeah I let Arthur go.”

So...there’s no reason for Yugi to be here anymore other than the bridge is out. There are NO stakes in this game. Other than...Pharaoh’s pride?

I guess it’s one of the problems of sharing a soul with a King who we’re 90% sure did some pretty effed up stuff at some point because he’s a King. That’s just what they DO, I’ve played Fire Emblem, I know how Kings work.

Like we could just sit down and make a list of things that Pharaoh and Yugi did that ended up really screwing him over. (And hearing that nitroglycerin air hockey happens somewhere in the manga does make me want to take a peek at it eventually but I have too much on my to do list)

Like for instance, there was that time he took a fireball for Mai thinking she was a decent person and she ended up killing over 20 people with a gas station and is now a Mad Max Style serial murderer racing down the 101, and actively trying to kill him and more specifically Joey Wheeler.

Or that time he took the ultimate bullet and died but left his tomb to the most asshole tombkeeper family cult known to man who like to carve tattoos onto children with old ass hot butcher knives for thousands of years.

Or that time he thought Namu wasn’t Marik when Marik had insane tattooed eyeliner and a millennium item sticking like 8 inches out of his back pocket the entire time. Could’ve saved him like...2 seasons of content if he just yoinked that item right then and there.

Or that time he actually tried to murder Seto Kaiba. Like actually tried to push his own classmate off of a steep ledge and would have done it if Tea hadn’t intervened.

Or that time he did...a lot of the things that Yugi did in Season Zero and the Manga.

I just feel like...this is our boy. He’s meant to be this gray area protagonist who is trying to do the right thing but at the same time does enjoy his dark tendency towards revenge. Yami is sort of like having the best of both worlds where you can be both villain and hero. He doesn’t need to be a polarizing force like Superman or something.

And...it feels a little bit like the narrative is trying to say he has finally stepped over the line of gray area and it’s like...he’s been here kind of a while, bud. But honestly, if it makes Pharaoh go a little Zero I’m here for it. Why not? It’s been a while, I want to see him go nuts again.

And I mean Yugi hasn’t had a meltdown in kind of a while, we were overdue. I assume that’s all of next episode is just Yugi freaking the hell out.

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to take you to the first episode where you can then read the entire epic in chrono order.

[scarmander]

Women, power and anger

An analysis of Game of Throne’s misogyny regarding Daenerys Targaryen in the last two seasons.

This is a very long rant. It’s over 4000 words. I needed to get this off my chest because it helps with my grieving process. 

A quick summary: I try to figure out when the show decided they wanted to go with the ‘Mad Queen’ bullshit theory. I try to undertand why they’ve done her so dirty lately. Spoiler alert. It’s not pretty.

So, if you want to know 

Game of Thrones has been known for its brutality, its shocking twists and deaths and ruthless scriptwriting. It is also known for having ‘strong’ female characters amidst broken journeys and fallen heroes. In a sea of raped, enslaved, prostituted and belittled women our female protagonists were born. From those patriarchaly imposed positions of subordination Daenerys Stormborn, Yara Greyjoy, Missandei of Naath, Brienne of Tarth, Sansa Stark and Arya Stark were hatched from the fossilized shells of the broken bodies and souls the male characters had made of them. They rose from their own ashes, time and time again, made themselves stronger with every blow men would throw their way. We watched them grow, evolve, fear, feel, fail and win for years, watched them become more than what their society wanted them to be, more than what they were allowed to be. They became rule-breakers, game changers, rulers and warriors. But that was until the show had decided that the end was coming and everything ought to be put back into order. The patriarchal one, that is.

It is my belief that everything changed the moment when Daenerys Targaryen, undoubtedly the most empowered and powerful woman on this show, decided to sail for Westeros with her fleet, three female allies (Yara Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand, Olenna Tyrell), the three dragons she had given birth to and the ‘largest army the world had ever seen’. Imagine the audacity of a woman accomplishing all of that. So, it is on this character that I will put my focus on, I’m also super fucking biased, but whatever, I would gladly do an entire essay on how they’re ruining every female character in this show. Anyway, back to Dany T. main female protagonist, the woman with the most amount of screen time (behind the two male protagonists Jon and Tyrion).

Let’s talk about the audience’s opinion of Daenerys. Truth be told, Daenerys’ influence and might as a character has already greatly surpassed the show’s realm, and that for a very long time. Even in the first seasons where she didn’t actually get that much screen time, she made a mark. And she has grown increasingly more so over the years. She has become an icon of pop culture to the point where people who are unfamiliar with the show recognize her. Now, this might have in part been facilitated by her peculiar looks and strange-sounding name, but Daenerys Targaryen is known worldwide for having power. She is primarily known for one thing: she has dragons. She’s the Dragon Queen, the Mother of Dragons. And those dragons are the physical representation of her inner strength. The only reason she has those dragons is because she walked into her husband’s funeral pyre and hatched them from stone like she hatched herself out of the stony shell of a weary, fearful teenage girl the world had forced her into being. And out of that pyre came out dragons and a woman with so much might the world watched in awe. Some people may call her Khaleesi, an unusual title which has stuck into people’s minds to the point where non-watchers recognize the title as her name. She is the most recognizable character in the show to the point where her hair colour has been a trend that has become every hair stylist’s worst nightmare, where people have named their children and pets after her and her title. She is also noticeably the show’s best marketing strategy, she is the one with the most personally dedicated amount of merchandising, and is relentlessly used by HBO’s marketing team to promote the show. But I digress. Sort of. The amount of power her character has both on and off-screen is indisputable and is probably what led us to the gigantic mess that has been season 8. She has too much power. Even away from the show’s narrative. She has had an impact on women. She has marked us, branded us with her might. And the show does not know how to handle this.

So, Daenerys, one of the most iconic female characters of this generation goes to Westeros. Unluckily for her, her arrival into Westeros also coincided into her arriving into the male protagonist’s territory. And that was the show’s last straw in deciding to let women have that much power. This is her fatal flaw, existing in the same realm as the male protagonist. The writers realized right then and there that they had greatly miscalculated. Because of how much power they had let Daenerys accumulate over the years she had spent far far away from the male protagonist’s character arc, she had become a threat to the sacred male character’s hero journey.  See, that’s the issue with having a strong female character that you let grow into her own power for 7 seasons, where she is free to go into conflict with men after men after men who all share the same unlucky traits: they are all both non-white and not the main male protagonist. So, Daenerys brings them all to their doom, they try to tackle her, try to diminish her, take her power away. They try, all of them, so many times. And they all inevitably fail. Because she is powerful. And men and women alike bow to her when they realize her might and her power. She is a goddess incarnate, dragons or not. She is so powerful fire dares not harm her. She is unique, mystical, mythical and strong. And not only is she powerful and strong, she is beloved by her people, her own soldiers follow her not out of fear but out of complete devotion, because she frees them, gives them the freedom she had wished someone would give her and finally realized she had to give to herself. She is a woman. She is their mother. She has power. She frees people, loves them, inspires them and has so much power the world shakes beneath her feet and fire fears her wrath.

And then comes season 7, along with Jon Snow, D&D, and Tyrion’s shitty battle plans. Whatever, it’s all one and the same. It’s all there to take her out piece by piece. That’s it, that’s been the show for two seasons now and I wish I had realized it earlier. I mean, I had my moments of realization here and there, but damn was I severely unprepared.

In Season 7 episode 2, Daenerys has a council made up of 4 women (Olenna, Ellaria, Yara, Missandei) and 3 men (Varys, Tyrion, Theon – and I’m only including Theon out of pity). By episode 3, Daenerys has 1 woman – Missandei, who unlike the other women does not advise her on military tactics – left in her council, and just as many men. Hell, by episode 5, she has gained three more men who ‘advise’, or more accurately question her every move. Jorah (I mean not you bby, come back to us), Jon and Davos, who is more of a comic relief personal pep-talker than anything else. But Varys and Tyrion’s advice grows like ivy and tries to strangle Daenerys from every angle. They try to control her more and more with every episode.

How the hell did I not notice right there and then where this was going? I don’t know, call me blinded by love.

How the hell did Daenerys end up with so few women left in her council? Men happened. The writers, the characters, all of them. That is literally the first thing they did to her storyline in season 7. It went something like this:

1) Get Daenerys to Dragonstone.

2) Get Ellaria and Yara out and destroy some of those ships, she has too many ships, that’s bad, can’t have her be too powerful.

3) Get Olenna out, but like, not at the exact same time because that would be too conspicuous, let’s wait another episode or two. Oh, and take out some of those Unsullied soldiers and even more of her fleet.

4) After one fucking badass battle let’s kill two random traitor assholes who have sided with the queen who murdered their former queen and daughter of their liege lord, their liege lord, their liege lord’s son and a good chunk of King’s Landing’s population on the field of battle who have refused her generous offer to get their titles and lands back if they just join her against the murderous queen. And also that one offer of going to the wall to protect the realm. They refuse. She kills them. Tough luck, bitch. Bad choice, should have probably offered them a cup of tea and a warm blanket instead as they went back to King’s Landing to fight you and kill your army at their nearest convenience. You fucked up because idk, Dickon was kinda hot I guess. Yeah and also they have names and one relative people know on the show, so that’s bad for you. Randyll and Dickon Tarly. You don’t know it yet, but this one is gonna be bad for you because you are now evil and your hand and his shitty bff are now saying you are mad. Maybe you should have been, maybe you should have killed them both too. If only. Sigh.

5) Have her lose a dragon. Give it to the Night King instead, she is too powerful.

6) Have her fall in love with the man who would bring her doom. Have her save his life. Have her think that maybe she deserves something good as she grieves her child’s death. They decide he’s the one who is going to kill her. Because having her become mad isn’t bad enough. She has to be killed by the one man she has let herself love not out of obligation but out of mutual admiration.

7) Make her promise to help defeat the Night King and go North to fight him.

Now, they take all that away from her. But they give her a love story with Jon Snow in return. And you think, alright, at least she’s not alone in this world.

And then we move on to season 8. The ultimate acceleration of events because they realized that they needed to wrap this shit up and that people didn’t hate her enough. So, Season 8 is where you learn that the plot twist to end them all was that Jon Snow was going to be the one who destroyed everything Daenerys has and is and will be the death of her. Groundbreaking work there. I wonder if GRRM has the same ending planned. So here’s the plan in Season 8:

1) Get Daenerys to WinterHell. Everyone is behaving like assholes. Bran is a cold little bitch who’s like “remember your dragon? Your dead dragon? He’s back and now he wants us all dead yayyy” and she has like zero seconds to process it because ‘we don’t have time for all this’. But you know what we have time for? Sansa hating her. The xenophobic MAGAs hating her. That’s valuable screentime. Sansa hates her for daring to bring her SoLdIeRs to her HoUsE and her DrAgOnS who she can’t believe are there to fight. Sansa brings up food issues when she knows the wall has been breached and the Night King is bound to arrive very shortly. She knows Daenerys isn’t going to stay here very long. Doesn’t matter. She (the writers) wants to be angry and petty and so she is. Because we couldn’t possibly have women collaborating on this show. Not after last season! Notice how they left out every single woman in Dany’s circle? Cause who would want THAT. Am I right MEN? I hope the meninists are having a good time.

2) Jon doesn’t comfort her much, doesn’t defend her much. He’s there. Like, he’s a physical man who barely says anything and is there. His purpose is to be… There, I guess. Good for him. He has everyone’s support anyway. He’s a man and he’s there. That’s all they ask of him. He’s not formally the King but he is the King anyway. He has the power. He makes the decisions. He’s a man.

3) Daenerys gives Jon access to her dragon. The one she gave metaphorical birth to. The one she walked into a pyre for. He has it. He has access to her power.

4) Jon now knows who he is. The man who tells him is that one relative of the family that Daenerys killed last season. He hates her. He tells Jon to take her throne, that it’s his anyway because he’s a man. He says that Daenerys is evil and should bend the knee to him. Jon then ignores Daenerys for at least an entire day while she has to face the man who killed her father, made her a homeless orphan on the run who lived on the streets, in fear, running away from assassins. She is angry but listens to a woman’s tale about him, asks for Jon’s opinion on the matter. She lets him have the decision.

5) The Night King comes. Daenerys’ armies are first in line and defend WinterHell with everything they have. Daenerys herself is first in line. Jon Snow wants to wait around. Daenerys has a sudden jolt of independence run through her spine, claims back her own authority and climbs on her dragon, burns as many wights as she can. Jon Snow follows her mechanically, like a lost puppy, gets attacked by the Night King and Viserion. This injures Rhaegal. Daenerys knocks evil Mr. Freeze down from HER precious bby boy and tries to burn him. It doesn’t work. She saves Jon’s life a second time in the process. And then a third, risking her and her dragon’s life for him. She ends up on the ground, with her oldest friend with a sword made of dragonglass and fights for her life. Her oldest friend dies in her arms.

6) And so it goes down from here.

This is the moment you’d think SOMEONE somewhere would show the tiniest fucking bit of sympathy, of gratitude. And they don’t.

What we got instead in Episode 4 was Daenerys being alone as Jon was being praised for her accomplishments. Jon falls upward as Daenerys faces consequences for her actions, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Daenerys faces consequences because the show wants her to. She is alone. She begs Jon not to tell anyone about his ‘rightful claim’. He betrays her and tells his family. She has warned him Sansa can’t be trusted. Turns out Sansa can’t be trusted. And on it goes as Sansa, Tyrion and Varys plot behind her back to make sure that Jon falls upward for the uptenth time, Varys even going as far as to suggest killing her. His reason is that she is a woman and he can’t control her. That is Daenerys’ biggest crime on this show. And it won’t let her live it down. Hell, they’ll kill her for it. There is talk of a wedding between Jon and Daenerys. Somehow this is a bad idea because she is too strong and cannot be controlled.

She is too strong. Too much. Too powerful. That is Daenerys’ problem. She is too much and too much of a she. She is a dragon they cannot tame.

7) And just because she hasn’t had enough already they kill another one of her dragons for shock value, out of nowhere, with no purpose whatsoever but to show that they could. That she would be ‘mad’. That this somehow was the point of her character. It feels gross and unjustified.

8) And then, because why the fuck not at this point, fam, they go and execute Missandei. It has no purpose other than to show us that they put a former slave back into chains to kill her, to make Daenerys and Greyworm angry. That is what her life is worth. Her value will be the sum of two other character’s madness level.

And the countdown accelerates.

Let’s go back to when everything changed for Daenerys Targaryen. Let’s go back to Season 7, Episode 3. The moment where Daenerys Targaryen met with Jon Snow, hero extraordinaire, broody, rugged, manly and characteristically lacking of ambition. Jon Snow is a Bildungsroman’s wetdream of a protagonist. A poor little bastard boy hated and mistreated by his (semi-evil) stepmother who somehow rises to great heights despite everything adversity has thrown his way and who somehow ends up being the Chosen One to lead them all out of the darkness and to fight evil. Like Harry Potter, Frodo Baggins, King Arthur and countless other Christ-like figures before him, Jon Snow is good. That’s it, that’s all there is. That’s all you need to know about him, that’s all the story wants you to know about him. He is good. Sure he makes mistakes, but he’s good. He’s killed a child but he had his reasons, he killed a man begging for his life, but he had disobeyed him. He is good. And to top it all off, the lucky bastard just might happen to be a man. He is therefore the Chosen One. He is thus because he is He.

In Season 7, Episode 2 when Melisandre introduced to the audience the show’s own version of an Arthurian prophecy – Azor Ahai or: ‘the prince that was promised will bring the dawn’ – the show had its last inkling of an ability to pretend that they could somehow have a woman be a hero. Daenerys’ only female adviser and personal translator Missandei of Naath (a former slave they had captured and chained last episode just to kill her, in case you’d ever think the only woman of color in this show could die as a free woman) pointed out that that the High Valyrian word for ‘prince’ is genderless and that it could mean that Daenerys might also fit that prophecy. They also introduced the idea that BOTH Daenerys and Jon would play a role in this. I was fine with this. I thought all of their parallels from previous seasons meant that their fates were linked and that they would be two sides of the same coin.

If only the show had stopped right there. If only they hadn’t even tried to bring that up when they didn’t need to, when they didn’t even need to pretend to care. I’m wondering what the purpose of this line was. What was the meaning? A red herring? A last sliver of hope? Their last attempt at trying to pretend women mattered as more than canon fodder to further narratives, as more than bodies to be used and killed for entertainment’s purposes? It doesn’t matter. The very next episode sent off the ticking time bomb on Daenerys’ life.

In Season 7 Episode 3, Daenerys Targaryen met Jon Snow. The writers called it “A meeting of Ice and Fire” continuing on their claim that this is what the entire show had been leading up to, that even in Season 1, GRRM had told them that this was important, that the story was about these two characters coming together. I was pumped. I was rejoicing. The whole meaning of the show was right in front of me. And here’s how it happened: they made Daenerys look smug and entitled, having Jon Snow look humble and measured in comparison and when I watched it, I was taken aback, I didn’t understand what they were doing. I remember thinking that the way they were framing it looked weird because she was just as much of a protagonist as he was. I had been stupid enough to think the show could have a female protagonist when they already had a male protagonist.

The show wanted you to side with Jon Snow. The show wanted to make it clear that if you had to choose between Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, you would choose Jon Snow. Humble, measured, naïve, male Jon Snow.

The ‘General Audience’ caught onto that. The moment Daenerys’ set her eyes on Jon Snow, she had lost. You should go and have a look on the comments of the Youtube videos of their first meeting. On that day, Daenerys was the villain. She lost that day, because she was in the man’s way. Because she spoke to him and didn’t bow. Because she stood there, fire and might, and didn’t let him take everything from her right on the spot. He was asking her to lay her entire life’s goals aside to help him with nothing in return. She was painted as arrogant for not bending to him and his will on the spot.

If only things had stayed that way. If only she’d stayed ‘arrogant’ and hadn’t let him close. Would she still become ‘mad’? Would she still lose it all anyway to make sure he would get it all in the end? Probably. Because why not? Why would the show give the most powerful woman any other outcome?

I guess the moral of this story is that women are only allowed to have power as long as it doesn’t interfere with a man’s ability to have more power than they do. And isn’t that what Varys has been telling us in the latest episode? That Daenerys and Jon would never be able to rule together because she was too strong for him and would bend him to her will? Because what could be worse than a strong woman having power? A strong woman potentially having power over a man. And so the ticking clock went off on Daenerys’ life. Her time has run out, because the show needs to have the male hero to win over everything, and if he can’t because a woman is in the way of the inherent inevitable male-centric greatness he will stumble and fall into reaching... Well then, it’s the woman’s fault and she angry and mad. So Daenerys will be mad and angry and hysterical and evil and he will kill her. Take that, woman she show tells you. Take that and die. We don’t need you when we have a male protagonist.

In a way, this show will end quite like the fairy tales warned us it would. The white knight, the Chosen One, the Prince that was promised, in his shining armour of goodness will swoop in and kill the evil dragon(Queen) to save the realm. And if this is a fairy tale then the dragon had it coming for daring to stand in the hero’s way. Perhaps the dragon ought to have apologized and stepped aside, perhaps the dragon ought to have known its place. Perhaps the fairy tale’s magic kingdom should have stopped the dragon’s rise before. And they did try. All of those men are knights, even the worst slavers of them all. Knights because they fought the dragon. They died trying to take her down. Perhaps they were right, then to try and defeat her. Perhaps it is sad, after all that the dragon took those poor men down. But it’s alright, the male protagonist will win. Because that’s what he does.

But if this is winning then why does it feel like rage and fire?

Because somehow the dragon is every woman. “You are a dragon” is what this show is telling me, as if that was a bad thing. “You are a dragon. You are too much. You ask too much. We will not bow to you, begone, be slain, you are in the man’s way. You are a hiccup in his rise to greatness. You will be killed prophetically and be swept aside and the hero, the man – the words somehow become synonymous – will inevitably win. And down you will go, defeated and broken. You and your might. You and your will. You and your power. Bow to us, woman, to our will, wishes, words and actions. Bow to us.”

The show wants me and you to know that. The show wants you to see what happens to women who stand in the way of men’s ascension to power, who are too powerful, who are too much for the story to handle. You are a dragon and you will die.

But dragons are fire made flesh risen from the ashes and dragons do not go down without a fight.

In a show that wants women to gaze adoringly at the male protagonists, women like Daenerys Targaryen have no place. They have no place because the show cannot fathom how someone could take her seriously, could value her efforts and her strengths when men are… There. That’s all they need to be.

And from that same patriarchal cesspool of a show/fictional society was also born Cersei Lannister, evil queen incarnate. She was the protagonists’ – male and female –  foil, their enemy, and she still is somehow, but she is also apparently doomed to be the female protagonist’s future. Cersei is evil because she has power. Cersei is bad because she is a madwoman. Cersei is all of your fairy tale’s evil spinsters. Cersei is in the way of a man’s greatness. And Cersei is Daenerys’ future as much as she is Sansa’s, or mine or yours. Bow down, women. Or be villains.

And so, in Season 8 Episode 4, as they tried to tear down at the last piece’s of the main female protagonist’s might they ignited the enraged fire that women try to swallow back down with every breath, for fear of being slain for having shown too much power and might. And the audience has never loved Daenerys more than it does now. The audience has done the unexpected. People who hated her now want her to burn the world down. People who already loved her have never wanted her to use her might as much as they do now.

“Dracarys” was Missandei’s last word. The show didn’t seem to realize it was a call to arms. “Women everywhere, join her and burn it down” seems to be the meaning the audience got from Missandei. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

The show wants me to think that ‘Dracarys’ was meant to take down the Cerseis of the world. It didn’t realize it made me want to take it down.

Maybe the show is right, maybe I, too, am a dragon ready to be slain. But if that’s the case I’m not going down without burning everything to the ground. Try and take me down, assholes.

[gumnut-logic]

We’ll Be Home For Christmas 3.4

Title: We’ll be home for Christmas

Day Three - If not for the courage of the fearless crew – Part 4

Prologue | 1.1 | 1.2 | 2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3

Author: Gumnut

29 Dec 2019 - 4 Jan 2020

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: The boys can’t fly home for Christmas, so they have to find another way.

Word count: 4342

Spoilers & warnings: language and so, so much fluff. Science!Gordon. Artist!Virgil, Minor various ships, mostly background.

Timeline: Christmas Season 3, I have also kinda ignored the main storyline of Season 3. The boys needed a break, so I gave them one. Post season 3B, before Season 3C cos we haven’t seen it yet.

Author’s note: For @scattergraph. This is my 2019 TAG Secret Santa fic :D I hope you enjoy it.

I’m probably posting this before it is ready and I’m not happy with the ending so may change where it ends when I start writing the next part, but I really need a little cheering up today, so here be the next 4000-odd words of this fic. I hope you enjoy them :D

Many thanks to @vegetacide and @scribbles97 for cheering me on and their wonderful support through this craziness. And to @onereyofstarlight for geeking out with me over the setting.

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

They stashed their luggage in the hostel, a large white and wooden building that had obviously seen many residents over the years, but was well loved and maintained.

Melissa gave them a quick tour of the compound. It consisted of series of buildings similar to the hostel but of varying sizes over looking the ocean and the adjacent Oneraki Beach. The island was basically a triangle with the encampment on the north facing side high up on Fleetwood Bluff. There was something about a Flagstaff but Virgil missed it...mainly due to the conversation Gordon and Sam were laughing over behind him.

Whatever it was called, the view was magnificent. Far below in the bay, A Little Lightning was a small white smudge on the blue of the Pacific.

Melissa ran them through the rules of conduct on the island. No one was to venture anywhere on the island outside the compound unaccompanied by a DOC employee. Please keep your luggage inside the hostel. All life is protected on the island and in the waters. It was illegal to damage or remove anything. No littering. The list went on.

It was a long one.

Apart from being a cetacean biologist and a loud talker, Sam was also apparently the resident cook on the island. Melissa put no claim to any culinary skills, so had left it to Sam.

The man had baked a cake.

A Christmas cake.

In their isolation on the boat, despite their aim to be home for Christmas, Virgil had forgotten it was the day before Christmas Eve. December twenty-three.

It wasn’t the first time he had forgotten Christmas. Three years ago he had spent Christmas dragging survivors off the Amazon flood plain when the river engulfed an entire city. Christmas had been obliterated. As had the two months after due to the damn fever he had caught from those flood waters. It hadn’t been a great start to the year.

But this year it was different. They were on vacation. A forced vacation, but a vacation nonetheless, of which the whole purpose was to get home in time for Christmas. Yet the decorations and the tree in the corner of the communal hall had taken him by surprise.

The cake was very nice. He had to hold Alan back from grabbing seconds. But it got him thinking about the day after next and what they would be doing as a family.

“He sang to the whales?!”

Virgil jumped at Sam’s exclamation somewhere behind him.

“Yeah, he did. You should have heard it. It was incredible.” Virgil’s eyes widened at the pride in Gordon’s voice.

“They didn’t pay any attention, though, did they? All previous attempts have failed.”

“Ho, Sam, I have to show you the recordings. They responded alright. Virg may not speak whale, but he knows how to speak emotion. Mamma whale definitely understood something.”

Virgil buried his face in his coffee. The experience was still raw. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about it and it was inevitable that he would be asked.

“What did he use?” And the conversation dropped to normal levels. Virgil’s name was mentioned several times along with John’s. Sam was eager and excited.

Virgil felt dread.

“You okay, bro?” Alan was frowning at him while hoovering the second piece of cake Virgil had already told him he couldn’t have.

Why did he bother?

“So I guess we’ll be hauling in extra food supplies for these people after you’ve finished with them.”

“It was one piece of cake.”

“It’s the only cake, Alan.”

His brother’s eyes widened in realisation. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh.”

“I’ll bring them something before New Years.”

“Yes, you will.”

“Or maybe Scott can. He might want to visit.”

“What? Why?” But Alan was gesturing with his head in the direction of their eldest brother.

Deep in conversation with Melissa Fisher.

Virgil raised an eyebrow.

-o-o-o-

“So by claiming for twenty one instead of twenty volunteers we get just that extra bit of funding.”

“Clever move.” Scott had finished his cake and was drinking tea. Virgil had shot him an incredulous look when he asked for it, but if there was one thing Scott remembered about this place, it was the herbal tea. Melissa knew how to brew a great drink...even if she had to threaten him and his father to try it the first time.

“Are you still using Jack Dunning?”

“Oh, yes, the man is brilliant. And he does all our work pro bono which saves us so much. Thank you for the recommendation.”

Scott was not going to mention one Gordon Tracy jumping up and down in front of him one afternoon several years ago. His aquanaut brother had been apoplectic and at the end of a very sharp conversation, Scott had been more than willing to call in their lawyers to act on behalf of the DOC Kermadec Expedition. The fishery megacorporation challenging the validity of the Sanctuary hadn’t known what hit them.

And if Scott wanted Jack to send him all the bills, that was his prerogative. Melissa didn’t have to know everything.

“So how is Virgil?” It was a quiet question as she picked up her own cup of tea.

He eyed her a moment. He was well aware of her attraction to his brother. Gordon had made a point of stirring Virgil until his quiet brother had clapped him around the ears.

“He’s recovering. I’ll be happier when he is home.”

She eyed him as if considering whether she should breach a topic or not. Something flickered in her eyes. “How goes Tracy Island? Is the regrowth flourishing as we hoped?”

He thought back at the tracts of native vegetation his father had planted all those years ago, mostly on the other side of the island, though some covered scars from the IR excavations.The pōhutukawa and palm trees seemed to be okay, but his mind was usually on other things when he ran past them.

He shook his head. “To be honest, I don’t know. You could ask Gordon?”

She peered closer at him. “Are you okay?”

He straightened where he sat. “I’m good.” He stretched. “Got any recommendations for a good place to run? Need to stretch my legs.”

She swallowed the last of her drink. “I can show you.”

“No need, just point me in the right direction and I’ll find my way.”

A snort. “You’re not on Tracy Island, Commander. No visitors go unaccompanied on Raoul, remember. You’ve got a choice between me and Sam.” A smirk. “And you won’t get much distance out of him unless you prefer swimming.”

Internally he groaned. He had been looking forward to time alone.

“I can show you around the crater rim. You’ll get a great workout.”

The thought of finding the physical relief was just too tempting. The hike up the hill had been a teaser and he wanted more. He sculled the last of his tea. “Fine. Lead the way.” He hoped she could keep up.

Her smile was a challenge in itself. “I’ll go grab my running gear. Meet you out front in ten.”

“FAB.”

-o-o-o-

Gordon watched as Scott stood up, brushed past Virgil and said something, before following Mel out the door.

“Do you think Virgil would be willing to talk about his experience?”

Gordon glanced at Sam and then eyed his brother. His linen shirt was tight across his shoulders as the man hunched over his coffee. “I don’t know.”

“Can you ask?” Sam was all eagerness. It was understandable. The surfer had made cetaceans his life’s work and this was a fantastic opportunity.

A sucked in breath. “Leave it with me, I’ll see what I can do.”

-o-o-o-

John, drink in hand, had taken the opportunity to find himself a vantage point on the cliff. The island was very quiet, even quieter than Tracy Island was at times and considerably bigger.

He appreciated the solitude.

Of course, the boat hadn’t exactly been loud or even crowded. He truly enjoyed the time with his brothers. But it was nice to step away, even if only for a little time.

He parked himself in the long grass at the edge of the bluff and stared out into the blue of the Pacific.

An idle thought.

“Eos?”

“Hello, John.”

“Hello, Eos. Status?”

“All emergency calls are being fielded by the appropriate agencies. Mr Lemaire has entombed himself in ice at the South Pole in an attempt to locate Santa Claus. I have advised the GDF. He is safe and secure for the moment.”

John’s thoughts locked up for a second. “The South Pole? Santa Claus lives in the North Pole.”

“Ignoring the fact that Santa Claus is a myth, Mr Lemaire claimed that ‘the North Pole is an ocean and only an idiot would build a house on an ice floe that melts every summer, therefore he must be hidden at the South Pole.’ He planned to be the first human to interview the father of Christmas and used a specialised drilling machine to dig into the ice...which promptly collapsed on him twenty metres down.”

John sighed. “You are sure he is safe?”

“Colonel Casey has sent a specialist team. He and his wife have enough survival supplies to make it through to New Years if necessary.”

“Monitor the situation. Call us in only if there is no alternative.” A trip to the South Pole was something they did not need.

“FAB, John.”

“And how are you?”

“I am functioning well.”

“Do you have any results from the problem I set you?”

“I have analysed three thousand two hundred and twenty-three recordings of humpback whale communications. Unfortunately, many of the recordings are missing the lower frequencies as the equipment used was not sufficient. I do have some translation possibilities, however I am still calculating multiple variables and am hesitant to postulate a theory.”

He had expected as much. She had only been working on it for a few hours. “Are you enjoying the work?” To be honest, he wasn’t expecting a positive result. It did, however, keep a bored AI occupied.

“It is very interesting. Virgil’s response shows no pattern relative to the language he was attempting to respond to, yet he received a result.”

“I suspect there is an element of synergy in the language that enables it to become more than a sum of its parts. Perhaps that is what Virgil was able to tap into.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, John.”

John sucked in a breath. “You are a computer program, yet you are more than lines of code, you are a person. Correct?”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps this language is a step beyond simple complexity. Perhaps the elements combined create a new level of communication? One that is not entirely on the conscious level.”

His daughter was silent for a moment. “How does interpretation differ between the human conscious and subconscious? The literature claims a lack of cognitive recognition of events created or observed subconsciously. How could Virgil create something he is not aware of?”

“There is much we do not yet understand. The human subconscious is well known for gathering multiple observed factors and combining them into instinct, all without conscious control. Perhaps you should explore that region of research?” Come to think of it, Virgil’s instincts in the field were very sharp. There were multiple examples of his brother acting against orders and ultimately saving lives that otherwise would have been lost, including those of his brothers.

“I will, John, thank you.”

“You are welcome.” His lips curled into a smile. “Enjoy yourself.”

-o-o-o-

It was amazing to finally get his feet moving.

Scott’s shoes pounded volcanic dust and rock so familiar it was almost as if he was home. A regular thud-thud-thud, the sea breeze, the rock, the vegetation...energy flowed through him and was used, muscles firing, skin tingling in the afternoon air. God, it was so good to get out.

Melissa said nothing to him beyond directing which path to take. She had removed her DOC uniform, reducing her clothing to a tight crop top, shorts and running shoes, and if he was honest, he had to admit he was appreciating the view.

The woman was all slim muscle. Tight waist, lightly browned skin. Her pale hair bounced behind her in a hastily tied ponytail and he found himself following it as she leapt from path to rock and over logs.

She had no trouble keeping up. In fact, it was more the other way around. He had to work to keep up with her, despite the difference in stride. She knew exactly where she was going and she was offering no handicap.

They pushed up a steep incline for some time. She had taken them off the main track and deep into the forest. Birds sung all around and the wind rustled through the blossoming trees. The pōhutukawa were in their brilliant crimson Christmas flowers, festooning the island as if to decorate for the season.

Grandma loved the pōhutukawa trees on Tracy Island and was in fact the only reason he knew the name of the plant. She cut flowers every year for their Christmas table to acknowledge the beautiful piece of land they lived on.

They reminded him of home.

This whole island reminded him of home.

Melissa ran around a particularly large tree and he followed only to come to a screeching halt as the path suddenly changed direction. A huge crater appeared in front of him.

Melissa was running on the spot. She nodded down at the lake at the bottom of the volcanic bowl. “Blue Lake.”

And it was.

A stunning, almost unnatural cobalt blue. He stared down at it, panting from his exertions. His thin grey tank top clung to his sweaty body.

She grinned at him before darting off along the crater rim.

Hmmm. An indrawn breath and he took off after her.

The crater wasn’t massive on a volcanic scale, but it was impressive nonetheless. The late afternoon sun shadowed the mountain, emphasising the extremes of the landscape.

“The far lake is Green Lake.” Melissa had stopped and was running on the spot again. A fine sheen of perspiration glistened on her skin.

He did know the geography, he had flown over the island often enough, but this perspective was considerably different. “It’s beautiful.” Not unlike its caretaker.

The random thought shook him out of contemplation and forced himself to look out at the smaller green lake in the distance.

Where the hell had that come from? A sideways glance in her direction and he found her gaze caught on the spectacle before them, her love for the island obvious.

Well, he had to admit that he did have his own island love. Just not this island.

“C’mon, slow poke, let’s up the pace.” And she darted off into the forest again.

Really?

Thighs pumping, he followed her under the trees, down the slope a little before he found himself climbing again.

She called back to him from several metres in front. “Got a full body workout coming up. I hope you’re up to it.” Her grin bounced down the mountain and off his head.

She was challenging him? Well, he had been known to hang off rocket ships and climb vertical cliff faces. Bring it on.

She did.

The path dissolved. There was no other real word for it. It became a mass of black jagged volcanic rocks, interspersed with tree regrowth.

“This was dumped here last time Virgil yanked us off the Island.” Her words were interspersed with harsh breathing as she clambered over the obstacle. As he climbed the crater once again came into view and the scar in the side of the mountain became clear.

Wow.

There was a swath of dead forest dotted with regrowth. He remembered Virgil’s report. The footage had involved billowing smoke and steam, but his brother had confined most of his readings to the encampment, his concern more for the lives endangered than any geological happenings. Brains had taken readings and read GeoNet’s reports as he did for any activity on the Kermadec Ridge, but he had reported it small and unremarkable.

Looked far more remarkable in person.

Melissa reached the top of the pile of rock and finally stopped.

He was grateful. The woman knew how to push it. He clambered up the last few and stood next to her.

The view was magnificent.

“She risks our lives, but I have to say she is beautiful.” Her love was there again, in her eyes. It was a similar expression to what he saw on Gordon’s face when he stared out across the ocean.

“You love this island, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question.

She turned to stare at him and he realised that her eyes were a startling multicoloured grey. “I love this place. It’s mountains, its plants, its ocean, its everything. It is one of the truly saved places on our planet. There aren’t many left.” She shrugged. “I’m just lucky to be able to experience it and contribute my little bit of help.”

He snorted. “Even I know what you are doing is anything but little. You’ve expanded the Sanctuary by hundreds of kilometres since you’ve been here.”

Her gaze turned back to him. “You’ve been reading up on me?”

Half a grin. “I like to know who I am dealing with.”

She arched an eyebrow. “And what did you find, Commander?”

His smile spread. “Someone remarkable.”

-o-o-o-

Virgil hid for the rest of the afternoon. He slunk away to the hostel, found himself a bed and curled up. At some point, he heard a brother open the door to the communal room and another brother, Alan maybe, mutter something, but they went away and he was glad for it.

The wood of the building creaked in the sun and birds squawked almost continually, but despite, or perhaps because of the soundscape, he fell into a much better sleep than he had had the entire week. Deep and complete.

The sun was heading towards the horizon when he woke, yellowing rays cutting across the hostel windows, turning the white paintwork gold.

Gordon was in the room, fossicking through a bag. “G’don?” He blinked and screwed up his face.

“Hey, Virg! Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No. Don’t think so?”

“How are you feeling?”

Virgil rolled over and pushed himself up, sitting on the side of the bed. He rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay, I guess.”

His brother snorted. “I’ll ask you again in half an hour after coffee and brain activation.”

The grunt he sent in the aquanaut’s direction only proved his point.

“Sam is very interested in what you did today.”

Crap. Another grunt.

That earned him a querying look. Virgil had no idea what his brother expected. If a simple question about how he was feeling was a stumbler, the complex concepts involving what had happened earlier in the day were a complete brain frier.

“You up for dinner?” Gordon was suddenly sitting on the bed next to him. When had he moved? “Sam’s dragged out the barbecue. Claims he wants to test the theory of ‘throwing a prawn on the barbie’. Apparently, as an Australian he’s never cooked a shrimp on a barbecue before.” As if to punctuate the statement, the smell of cooking meat wafted in through the window.

Virgil stared at his brother.

“They had to import the shrimp for Christmas.”

The staring continued.

“They’re throwing a party because we’re here and using their Christmas supplies to do it...why the hell are you staring at me like that?”

Virgil didn’t answer him. He just wrapped an arm around him and hugged Gordon to his side.

His brother didn’t resist, but did look at him strangely. “You okay?”

“I’m good.”

Gordon didn’t say anything further and for a moment they sat there together.

Virgil’s stomach rumbled.

Gordon snorted. “C’mon, bro, food awaits.” He slipped Virgil’s hold and, turning around, offered him a hand up.

Without another word, Virgil took it and stood up beside his brother, his hand landing on his shoulder and squeezing.

That earned him another questioning look, but he ignored it.

The grassed central area of the compound had been transformed both by the golden sunlight and the lights strung between the trees. Sam was standing in front of a sizzling barbecue, someone Virgil didn’t know, laughing and holding him close. Alan and John were deep in discussion with another new person. All three of them had drinks in hand. John’s hair flickered about as if it was on fire, the sun catching it as the breeze tossed it around. And Scott...

Virgil stared.

Scott was laughing his ass off.

With Melissa Fisher.

The two of them sat beside each other in a couple of deck chairs. His brother appearing more relaxed than Virgil had seen him in a long time.

“What happened?” It came out without thought.

“They went for a run. Came back friendly as can be. I think Scott may have fallen for her charms.”

Charms? The woman was a handful. Virgil wasn’t afraid to admit he found her a challenge. Her gratitude the last time he had airlifted her and her squad of staff and volunteers off Raoul had been...exuberant.

If Kayo hadn’t escorted her out of his cockpit, he wasn’t sure what he would have done. As it was, Gordon had ribbed him until he cracked and thwapped him one.

But Scott seemed almost enthusiastic. Despite himself, Virgil broke into a grin.

Gordon echoed it. “Yeah, it’s great to finally see him relaxing.”

Quiet. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Gordon grabbed his arm and nudged him in the direction of a table piled with food and drink. “Let’s get you fuelled up so I can introduce you to Liam and Elspeth.”

Coffee, as always, solved a lot of problems and, hugging his mug like the lifeline it was, Virgil was introduced to Sam’s husband.

Liam turned out to be a meteorologist. Raoul was not only important as a wildlife sanctuary, but also supported this corner of the Pacific’s meteorological station, providing atmospheric readings crucial to both weather and climate studies.

Having no shortage of interest in weather conditions, both as a pilot and a rescue operative who often found himself in the extremes of all kinds of those conditions, Virgil fell into in a very interesting discussion regarding navigating tropical cyclones.

In appearance, Liam was taller than Sam, blond and much more reserved than his husband. Hell, it was almost like someone had grabbed John and Gordon, thrown their physical characteristics in a blender and then assembled Liam and Sam. Liam even had a similar flick of blond hair on his forehead that John had in his red hair.

Almost in contrast, where Liam was pale and tall, Elspeth was dark and petite. Long plaited black hair hung to her waist, her features in shades of sepia. The artist in him was quite drawn to her.

But not as much as his two starbound brothers, because Elspeth was an astronomer. She and Liam had been on the other side of the island earlier in the day collecting readings from the observatory. Something about a rogue object passing through the Solar System. Virgil lost the discussion at some point between the Oort cloud and the orbit of Jupiter. He kept getting distracted by Scott laughing.

Virgil hadn’t heard his brother laugh so freely in a long time. Melissa appeared to be enjoying herself. It was as if a bubble had surrounded them and cut them off from everyone else. Stuck in their own happy little world.

An irrational spark of envy and the inevitable smirk at his brother deploying his well played charms were all completely smothered by the happiness he felt seeing Scott finally relaxing and enjoying himself.

As the evening became night, Virgil continued to hover on the edges of conversation, more Gordon, Sam and Liam than John, Alan and Elspeth. The latter group’s discussion had dissolved into equations and while Virgil loved a good piece of math like any engineer, theoreticals were more than he was willing to think about right at the moment.

The food was delicious and he complimented Sam thoroughly. Liam smiled and waxed poetic about some of the meals his husband had cooked in the past. Sam blushed appropriately red on several occasions, setting Gordon off into ribbing the poor man.

A thumb in Gordon’s direction. “Ignore him, he’s just jealous. There are days on end where we don’t get time to cook a decent meal.”

“You don’t have a cook?” Sam was frowning.

“We have Grandma.” Gordon was smiling ruefully.

“She’s a good cook?”

Virgil cut in. “Grandma is the backbone of International Rescue.”

“Your grandmother works with you?”

“Often, yes.”

“A truly family business.”

“Yes, it is.”

The conversation fell quiet a moment and Virgil took a swig of the beer in his hand.

“So, how did you become a cetacean biologist?”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Oh, um, had an encounter, fell in love, now devoted to them forever.”

Liam snorted. “He asked about you and whales, not for our love story.”

His husband shrugged. “Pretty much the same story really. Found myself in dire straits off Waitpinga Beach while surfing, dolphin saved me.”

Gordon had obviously heard the story before. He grinned. “For a surfer, you really are crap at surfing.”

“It’s all about the image, Gordo. You know that.” But Sam was grinning as much as Gordon. “But on a more serious note,” and the grin turned into a mock glare at Virgil’s brother, “she saved my life. It was a big, life changing moment. Been saving the whales ever since.”

“I can understand that.” All the Tracys could understand that.

Sam sparked up, all eagerness and bright eyes. “So, you spoke to a whale today?”

-o-o-o-

End Day Three, Part Four

[gloriousmonsters]

ok so. in heroes of might and magic 3 (which i have been playing a Lot because nostalgia) there are computer-backed player enemies, and then there are just. random groups of creatures. these creatures are the same type that you can hire in various strongholds, and while they usually want to fight (or scatter, if you’re powerful enough) sometimes a group will just randomly decide to join you ‘for glory’ if you want ‘em.

also. they start out as small groups and... in the late game... get larger. like, the highest they get (’legion’ and ‘zounds!’ groups, delightfully) can be 1k-5k creatures.

fun fact. I did not know this until it happened but. Sometimes they will still want to join you. 

All this to say my main gal Josephine, who was already ridiculously leveled and had a formidable force, has recently befriended four thousand ogres. 4000. ogres. in the stronghold they come from they’re like a level 4 or 5 force, I think. they’re not the upgraded, stronger version but it does not matter. my battle strategy for the tiny amount of battles i have left in this game is for my other troops to have a nice cup of tea and yell ‘bravo’ occasionally as my four fucking thousand ogres make their way around the battlefield oneshotting everyone. my only regret is that this could have not happened earlier in the game. Josephine weeps, for there are so few enemies left to dunk on with her 4k ogres. 

[mensbodybuildingtips]

The Right Whey: Tips And Recipes To Shake Up The Way You Use Protein

Water and healthy protein ... Protein as well as water. No matter exactly how you mix it, the combination is simply ordinary stagnant. So when was the last time you made a protein shake with anything however water, whey, and a shaker cup?

We thought so.

The irony of all this is triggered by the truth that whey protein solutions go to their advanced best. Yet, despite protein being at its absolute finest in taste, in bioavailability and in easily blended solutions, exactly how numerous of us still stand at the kitchen sink, fill up a cup up with semi-cold water, dump an inside story of healthy protein in, and shake, after that almost plug our noses as we down it?

At this factor, you're possibly objecting, assuming "I get on a diet - exactly what else should I mix with my healthy protein?" There is some truth to that - specifically if you have a total healthy protein that has a great fat resource included, as well as no sugar, however a pleasant preference. Formulas vary so considerably, it is possible you have a protein you actually like that in fact tastes good.

Whey Protein: Diets vs. Mass

Line up 10 leading brand proteins and also you might locate extremely various dietary assays on each label. Some will differ in whey type, while others contain greater than just whey, such as casein or soy, or vary in the sweetener or flavor utilized to earn the formula palatable.

Each will certainly also include a different macronutrient break down - with more or much less carbs or fats, and a broad swing in the variety of healthy protein grams. Add to that the number of tastes in each brand, as well as the fat resource in each brand name. Some proteins will feature a beneficial medium-chain triglyceride (MCT) such as coconut milk or oil, and others will simply mix in whatever emulsifying fat is cheapest.

Sweeteners also differ widely, and also could consist of every little thing from ordinary old sugar to corn syrup, high-fructose corn syrup, Splenda, Nutrasweet, or the even more all-natural and also healthy Stevia.

Give or take components, of those 10 healthy proteins, you can most likely separate them right into 2 classifications: Those fit to mass-building as well as those to dieting.

Typically, healthy proteins that attend to diet programs will showcase 25 to 35 grams of protein, no to 10 grams of carbs, and absolutely no to 12 or 15 grams of fat. Those fit to mass gains will include anywhere from 30 to 40 grams of protein, 15 to 40 grams of carbohydrates, and 5 to 20 grams of fat.

The excellent aspect of having such variance in proteins is that you can prefer to either use a protein on its own as a dish substitute during a diet plan, or as a meal replacement throughout a mass cycle, without having to add other foods.

But we think that if you locate a healthy protein you such as - and that's normally driven by components, high quality and preference - we assume you're going to persevere. So how does one adapt his/her preferred protein to be a year-round formula, as well as what criteria should own that choice?

Choosing a healthy protein that is formulated for diet plan, versus mass, has its benefits due to the fact that you could constantly contribute to the formula using a shake - you can not remove ingredients.

Shakes that claim to be meal substitutes or are mass-monster owned do not constantly have the most effective top quality ingredients either. They are usually rife with fillers that are not healthy and also can trigger fat storage space in the off season.

We assume it's far better to earn your own.

We are frequently asked: What does it cost? healthy protein do I require in a day in order to fulfill my objectives? We such as to take the center of the roadway as well as have you include or subtract from there. Whether you're dieting or intending to get mass, right here's a good guide that you could customize:

Daily Intake Based on 1 to 1.5 grams of Healthy protein per Extra pound of Bodyweight

Bodyweight

Grams of Protein Required

125 extra pounds = 125 to 188 grams of protein

150 pounds = 150 to 225 grams of protein

175 extra pounds = 175 to 263 grams of protein

200 extra pounds = 200 to 300 grams of protein

250 extra pounds = 250 to 375 grams of protein

Another method to take a look at protein requirements in the diet is by portions of calories allotted:

Daily Calorie Requirements/ Percent of Protein (20-40%)

1500 calories = 75 to 150 grams of protein

2000 calories = 100 to 200 grams of protein

2500 calories = 125 to 250 grams of protein

3000 calories = 150 to 300 grams of protein

3500 calories = 175 to 350 grams of protein

4000 calories = 200 to 400 grams of protein

5000 calories = 250 to 500 grams of protein

The biggest reason a bodybuilder cannot gain weight in the off season, or fails to keep it during a diet, might be that they does not take in adequate healthy protein. Yet the various other factor may be lack of strategy behind times a protein shake is blended as well as ingested.

Here's a good rule of thumb:

BEST TIMES TO HAVE A PROTEIN SHAKE

First thing in the morning - Complying with a fasting state you'll place yourself right into favorable nitrogen equilibrium immediately.

Between meals - Make these easy trembles that simply fill up the void and also maintain you in positive nitrogen balance.

Pre- and Post-Workout - Protein shakes before as well as after exercises can be loaded with included nutrients to sustain workout as well as healing: Creatine and also Nitric Oxide for pumps as well as power, as well as Glutamine and BCAAs for recovery.

Evening - If you're diet programs, yet do not wish to comply with the 'Don't consume after 6 p.m. rule' have a healthy protein shake or more (one with couple of carbs as well as reduced fats) to optimize nitrogen balance during sleep as well as maintain the metabolic rate burning.

Think you know a lot about whey healthy protein? Right here are some facts in order to help you utilize it

WHEY WISDOM FOR BOTH GAINER and LOSER

WW1: Throughout mass cycles, you can enhance protein uptake with fast-digesting carbs, such as waxy maze or add your own to shakes that contain hardly any carbohydrate.

WW2: The very best weight gainer shake has a carb-to-protein proportion of 2:1. No commercial blends around actually attribute that - always placing even more protein in the mix than carbs. Make your very own with this ratio in mind.

WW3: If you are adding added fat to a blender shake for mass-building, add great fats, such as Omega-3s: walnuts or walnut oil, peanut butter and flax seeds as well as flax seed oil.

WW4: A suitable diet plan must have an Omega-3-to-Omega-6 ratio of 2:1. To include even more Omega-3 foods to your mixer drinks - without the fat - add foods such as spinach, watercress, kale, mint and also oatmeal. Mint leaves make a fantastic enhancement to any chocolate shake.

WW5: Whether building mass or dieting, maximize your post-workout shakes by adding recovery aids, such as glutamine, arginine, waxy maize, beta-alanine, and branched-chain amino acids (BCAAs), along with additional vitamins An as well as C, and trace element, such as potassium.

WW6: The difference in between Whey Isolate as well as Whey Concentrate: Separate expenses much more as well as has a higher bioavailability rating of 98 percent, and nearly no lactose. Concentrate has lactose, has a reduced BV rating of 80 percent, as well as is less costly. For weight gainers, a whey concentrate could be the best option since it's greater in calories.

WW7: In spite of hearing that it's always much better to consume "entire foods" supplementing with whey healthy protein is hassle-free, requires no refrigeration, is much easier on the stomach and less dental filling, has a greater BV compared to a lot of foods, as well as is strengthened with vitamins you may not get eating just entire foods.

Tips for Easy Mixing:

All proteins advertise that they are conveniently combined, however exactly how numerous lump cost-free trembles have you had in the last 10 years? Because it's always a lot much more tasty to consume alcohol a shake that has been blended to a smooth uniformity, here are some suggestions in order to help:

Use a blender or food processor or glass and mix - don't utilize a shaker cup. No blender? Combine with a fork, not a spoon, or little mini-whisk

Add protein as well as water right into the glass a little each time. Fifty percent an inside story of protein mixes much better with 2 to 4 ounces of water.

Let it rest for a couple of mins before alcohol consumption, after that blend again.

WHEY SHAKE ADDITIONS and RECIPES

The possibilities are limitless for drinks as well as much of exactly what you can mix in relies on your very own taste as well as just how versed you remain in just what food mixes produce desirable preference. However mixing whey protein trembles ought to also be a calculated means to obtain specifically just what you need at any type of offered time throughout your day.

Foods You Can Mix Into Shakes:

Milk

Cream or half-and-half

Fruit (iced up for added density, or fresh)

Fruit juice

Coconut water

Brewed coffee (or granules for taste and also pick-me-up)

Nuts and nut butters (peanut, almond, walnut)

MCT oils (coconut oil, coconut milk, or Cap-Tri)

Cereal (Kashi, grapenuts, oatmeal)

Greek yogurt

Ice cream or frozen yogurt

Pasteurized egg whites

Pudding and dessert mix

Extracts (almond, vanilla, mint)

Spices (cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg)

You can also mix protein, thinned down with water, right into points like pancake and also mashed potato mixes to lend a higher healthy protein value to your carbohydrates.

Dieter Shakes:

Coconut Chocolate Mint Shake:

1 scoop of vanilla whey protein

1 small container of coconut water (not milk)

1 teaspoon Dutch process cocoa

3 or 4 mint leaves or mint extract

1/2 packet of Stevia

Chai Tea shake

Whey protein

Sugar-free Chai mix

4 tablespoons Non-fat Greek yogurt

Water

Weight Gainer Shakes

Maple-bacon-nut butter B-Fast Shake (Like a bacon-maple syrup pancake breakfast)

Unflavored or vanilla whey protein

Cooked crisp bacon, (ground into dirt in mixer)

2 tbsps maple syrup or 1 tbsp maple extract

1/ 2 cup raw oatmeal (ground in advance into dirt)

Pasteurized egg whites or whole eggs

1 tablespoon peanut or almond butter - or 2 tablespoons walnut oil

Whole milk

Berry-ana Peanut Butter Shake

Vanilla whey protein

1 Banana

5 frozen strawberries

1/3 cup heavy cream

Pasteurized egg whites

1/4 cup oatmeal

3 tablespoons peanut butter

[indianchaicompany]

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