#cue me going 'i know him! i know him!' like buddy the elf

[lewmagoo]

it's always a jumpscare when lewis ends up on my youtube fyp lol

[animatorweirdo]

Why Elves Should Not Drink Coffee

(Not gonna explain myself. This was just an idea that popped into my head. I hope you enjoy it. )

Warnings: Coffee Madness.

---------------------------------

*You and Elrond spending some time together*

Elrond: (Name), what are you drinking? I do not think I have seen that kind of drink before.

You: Oh, It’s just coffee. It helps keep me awake in the morning. 

Elrond: It helps you keep awake. That sounds like something that could help many improve workflow and avoid falling asleep during important times. 

You: Yeah… hold back on that statement. 

Elrond: ???

You: You see… it was me and my friend who first introduced coffee, and it proved to be more trouble than good because of its potent effect on elves. 

Elrond: What do you mean? 

You: Coffee is pretty harmless to humans since it only causes anxiety, tiredness, addiction, and something in between. To elves… it causes them to be extremely hyperactive. 

You: During the first three days, there were already four incidents. 

1 Incident 

You: *Groans* I hate Mondays!

Camilla: Oh, stop whining. 

Faye: Hey, you two. What are you drinking? 

You: Coffee because I hate my life. Wants some? 

Faye: Sure.

Faye: *Drinks a whole cup* 

Faye: *Smacks her lips* An interesting taste. Well, I need to get back to work. I see you two later. 

You: *Watches her leave* Camilla, coffee is safe for elves, right?

Camilla: Should be. Why?

You: I don’t know. I just feel like we made a grave mistake. 

You: *Shrugging your shoulders* Oh, whatever. 

*Later that day* 

*You and Camilla arrive at the healer’s wing* 

You: And then he was like: I’m not a little boy. I’m an alpha male, and I will — Oh my god! What happened here?!

*You two witness the main infirmary in a mess. Sheets on the floors. Patients aggressively tied with bandages, and everyone staring at Faye with pure terror*

You: Faye…Everything alright buddy? 

Faye: *Visibly shaking like she was on overdrive, smiling and speaking fast* I’m fine! I never felt better! I’m quite active today! We should get to work! There are patients and medicines to be sorted. Oh, what a wonderful day! Sun emoji, smiling face, and a rose. 

Faye: *Walks off* 

You: Did she just mention a sun emoji? 

Camilla: I think that’s our cue not to give her coffee in the future. 

2 Incident 

Maglor: I heard about the incident in the healer’s wing. I hope your friend is okay. 

You: Yeah, Faye is alright. It was a pain in the ass to wait for her to tire herself, but we managed to get her down and rest. 

You: To think coffee had such a strong effect on her. 

Maglor: Well, accidents happen. 

You: *Remember something* Wait! I remember serving you once coffee. Did you end up giving your brother some by chance? 

Maglor: You did, but I did not feel any different. I gave some coffee to Maedhros since he seemed to have trouble focusing on his work, but now that you mention it. I haven’t seen him in a while. 

You: How long has this ‘while’ been? 

Maglor: Around… three weeks? 

*You two stare at each other in silence* 

You & Maglor: Oh Shit! 

*You two quickly arrive at the study where Maglor last saw Maedhros*

Maglor: *Opening the door* Maedhros! We’re coming in! 

*You two find him in a messed up study. Thousands of papers were stacked, and the red-haired elf was still sitting on the table, his hair messed up and dark circles under his eyes, and his left hand black with ink.* 

Maedhros: *Falling front and back on the chair* What do you two want? Can’t you see I’m busy? 

You: Doing what? You’re just scribbling on the desk at this point. 

Maglor: Brother?! Have you not moved an inch since the last I saw you?!

Maedhros: What are you talking about? 

Maglor: It’s been three weeks! 

Maedhros: *stops in thought* Three weeks?

Maedhros: It doesn’t matter. I have work to do. 

Maglor: *Grabs the back of his chair and pulls him away from the desk* Oh no, you don’t! You’re going to sleep! 

Maedhros: *Starting hissing at him* 

You: I need to tell Camilla to avoid sharing her coffee recipe. 

3 Incident 

*After getting Maedhros to rest* 

You: Okay. That was awful. I can’t believe this brown juice could make your brother last that long without sleep and food. 

Maglor: It seems coffee is more potent toward us than we imagined. 

Curufin: *Appears out of nowhere*  What is more potent toward us? 

You: My friend’s coffee recipe. It’s only supposed to serve as a morning drink, but turns out, you elves turn ten times more active if you drink this. 

Curufin: *Stares at the cup of coffee, thinking*  Hmm…?

Curufin: *Grabs it and takes a drink* 

You & Maglor: No! 

Curufin: *Stares at you two confused* 

Maglor: Brother— how are you feeling? 

Curufin: I— feel fine? 

You: You sure? No sudden urges to do something or test your limits to unimaginable expectations? 

Curufin: I think you both are overreacting. I do say that this is a fine-tasting drink. My compliments to your friend. 

Curufin: *Leaves* 

You: Someone who compliments Camilla’s coffee must have a soul just as dark as hers or none at all. By the way, did you notice any changes in him? 

Maglor: I— can’t actually say. Let’s keep an eye on him, just in case. Who knows what might happen if he turns out like Faye or Maedhros? 

You: I’m already scared just thinking about it. 

*Later* 

Curufin: *Standing on the table, messed up hair, and yelling invention plans* Don’t you see?! This is our chance to defeat Morgoth! We just build this here and there! Then we just—!

Celegorm: *Visibly scared* Holy shit! Calm down! What has gotten into you?!

*You, Maglor, and all the nearby elves hiding in the vicinity*

You: Oh my god! Can your brother be more insufferable than this?! 

Maglor: This feels like typical Curufin, but ten times more confident his plan will work in the end and if he was ten times angrier than Caranthir. 

You: Well, no shit. He’s literally yelling at us like a German soldier in the Second World War and even Celegorm out of all people is scared! 

Curufin: TOD ALLEN ORKS!!! 

Celegorm: *Crying at this point* What are you even saying?! 

Present day

You: After that incident, Curufin was banned from even getting near coffee, and what’s even more ironic was that when he finally cleared his head from the caffeine rush. He blamed me and Maglor for embarrassing himself even if it was he who drank the coffee and ignored our warnings. 

You: After that, Camilla and I made sure that coffee was banned for the greater good. 

Elrond: Sounds reasonable. But those were only three incidents. You told me there were four. 

You: Oh yeah! Actually, that happened way after. I’m not sure if you remember, but you and your brother had a part in this one. 

4 Incident

*You, Maglor, and the twins having breakfast* 

Elrond: *Points at the pot of coffee* Ada, can I have a taste of that? 

Maglor: *Slightly sleep-deprived and not fully comprehending the question* sure. 

Maglor: *About to pour him a cup of coffee*

You: *You slap his hand away in panic* Don’t give him that! You know what coffee does to you! They’re gonna be jumping off the walls! 

Maglor: Calm down. I’m sure it doesn’t have that strong effect on children. 

You: You sure about that? A sugar rush is something, but do you really want to know what a coffee-filled elven child can do? 

*You two then see Elros having a taste and Elrond drinking from the pot*

You: Boys! 

*The twins look at you without an expression.* 

You: How… are you feeling? 

*Later* 

Elrond & Elros: *Laughing maniacally, running and jumping on the walls* 

You & Maglor: *Chasing after them* 

You: I bloody told you so! 

Present day 

Elrond: Oh dear! I do not wonder why I can’t remember much of that day. 

You: Well, you and your brother were knocked out on the bed after a full day of running and hiding. Let's just say. Maedhros did not enjoy having to avoid jumping children on caffeine energy drinks. 

Elrond: *Chuckles as you two arrive in the kitchen* 

You: You know, now that I think about it. The coffee was made from my friend’s recipe at that time. She always liked to drink it strong, so maybe if I tone it down a bit. It could be less potent toward elves. 

You: *Stops* Oh no!

Elrond: What’s wrong? 

You & Elrond: * See your coffee pot empty*

You: Where did all of my coffee go? 

*You both hear a crash in the distance and someone screaming*

[finniestoncrane]

Yanno what id love to ask this purely for self indulgent reasons. What do you think of arkham eddie with an SO who's also autistic since we all are pretty damn sure he is? Like does the connection between them happen faster due to similar communication styles, how does he feel about parallel play, etc

YOU ARE JUST PREACHING TO ME THIS IS URGH and it made me feel so soft and warm. i'm going to try and NOT make this about my self-insert oc, but this is literally her and eddie, they are autistic 4 autistic/bisexual 4 bisexual love

but yeah, this is my daydreams literally written out 💚

i figure eddie would never have been diagnosed. he's old enough to not have been identified as anything other than "gifted" at school and i think his parents seem like the type who would avoid diagnosis out of ~shame~ so he'd be misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all (until batman comes along with his non-degree and decides eddie is an obsessive compulsive narcissist. which yeah, fair. but also hello pot, this is the kettle speaking????)

anyway i think he would avoid all long-term relationships out of trust and a need to prove himself as above human needs and completely elf-sufficient, but it'd be easiest for him to get on with someone who is also autistic, even if they had very different communication styles. and i bet that would confuse him at first like "why does this idiot not bother me as much as all the other idiots"

a lot of the "bonding" would be done in silence, and would probably come from a place of blunt honesty, where eddie realised he could trust his new friend because they're either not afraid enough to lie to him or are too honest to know better. and he'd relish the ability to turn to someone and say "you are making my space crowded with your existance and i need you to leave" without them getting all moody, because they'd understand immediately

there might be a point where he picks up on things that make his new buddy a lil bit different, but i think he'd recognise them as brilliance before he thought of them as something "wrong" with them. mostly, because he'd see himself reflected back. hyperfixations and obsessions with certain acts/scenarios/things, an either intense focus or a complete lack of it, prone to sensory overload (which eddie doesn't know the name of before he meets his friend, he just assumes he has anger issues and is bad for going into tantrums), and there's bound to be a point where they both come to the realisation that neither of them understands other people's emotions or morals (cue a shared conversation about how people think batman is acceptable but not eddie)

going back to the bonding in silence thing, he's 100% given the key to life when he realises parralell play works for him. like you're telling him that you can be in the same room with someone and do your own thing completely, but they're there if you think of a stupid pun or you want to walk over to them to say "look what i made" have them go "wow!" and then turn around and go back to work???? where has this BEEN all his life (although now that he thinks about it, he did enjoy quietly reading amongst the other inmates at arkham)

anyway, i think at a certain point he'd find the bravery to tell his new friend that he thinks they're soulmates. maybe he'd follow that up with a confusion about romantic intent or interest, maybe he'd request a formal recognition of their friendship. and no doubt his lil buddy would be confused until eddie says "we're soulmates because we are literally the same person. we do all the same things. we think the same way." and his friend is like "that's sweet, eddie. and yeah, we might be soulmates. but i think a lot of that is because we're both autistic"

and eddie is like

"we're both what? so you're? and i'm? OH!!!!!!!"

and then everything falls into place, like he's just solved a complex riddle he didn't even know he was working through and he's stuck standing there for a while like:

[readinginthereadyroom]

let’s talk about christopher and santa claus for a minute. 

because the thing is. that kid is a national treasure and possibly magic. because he has santa’s ear. direct line to christmas miracles. 

and the best part is. it’s canon. 

but before we get to that. we need to talk about eddie being scared of santa when he was a kid. about the difference in eddie and christopher’s childhoods.

because eddie’s childhood lacked magic. santa wasn’t a right jolly old elf with a red suit and a belly laugh. just a creepy guy with a fake beard who smelled bad. a stranger he was forced to go see. that scared him so much he got sick. twice.

christopher’s childhood tho. filled with magic. when he was little and not feeling well (maybe around one of his surgeries?) and missing eddie. shannon caves. tries to cheer chris up with a giant tree for the backyard. but we didn't have enough ornaments to cover it, so we just loaded it up with lights and ribbon. I got the sleeping bags out, and we laid under it, just staring up at the branches for hours.

which is the most magical thing I’ve ever heard.

so really it’s no surprise that christopher believes in the magic of christmas. the power of santa. miracles and the christmas spirit. 

because christopher only asked for one thing that christmas. one very specific gift. not toys. not candy. he just wants his dad. w-when you were gone, I asked santa for you to come back, and you did.

which makes me wonder what time of year it was when eddie’s helicopter was shot down. did he arrive home in time for the holidays? with his wrist in a cast and his arm in a sling and propped up by a cane. wounded but alive. home for the holidays. which is all that would matter to little christopher. that dad’s back. dad’s staying. forever.

and since christopher’s wish came true before. since santa came thru before. why wouldn’t it work again? because christopher’s got his dad. a new life, in a new city, with a new best friend. and everything is perfect. everything except the lack of shannon. christopher misses his mom. so he forgoes toys and candy once again. goes with eddie and buck to see santa. I asked him to find mom. will he?

the answer is yes. because she’s already back. has been for a while. eddie’s just been reluctant to let shannon see christopher. because he’s scared she’ll break his heart if she decided to leave again. because eddie doesn’t believe in magic. and I think that includes happily ever afters. 

but christopher believes in magic and wishes. and eddie knows that. and he’ll do everything in his power to keep it that way. cause he loves christopher more than himself. loves that he believes in magic and miracles and santa.

because it allows eddie to believe thru christopher. just for a second. but seconds accumulate. grow. build. into something magical all eddie’s own.

so they get another giant tree. cover it in ribbons and lights. turn the floor into a wrapping paper treasure map for christopher to follow into the front yard. where shannon is waiting. mommy! mommy! I missed you so much. I knew Santa could do it again.

and then so much happens. by the time next christmas rolls around shannon has died and christopher’s survived a tsunami. and eddie has to work thru the holiday. buck too. christmas is ruined. 

we don’t see chris talking about santa this year. or to santa. I think that’s probably on purpose. this year is about the absence of christmas spirit. and how that absence radiates out into their lives. chris storming away. giving eddie the silent treatment. buck saying he’s working too.

missing pieces. lack of communication. absent people.

but you cannot convince me that when the holidays go awry. that christopher won’t turn to his old pal santa to fix this particular problem. that he won’t ask for another christmas miracle. that his family can be together for the holidays. christopher and his dad and his buck. it tracks with christopher’s history.

and the thing is. santa comes thru. via buck. who plans a surpise holiday party at the 118. ropes athena and maddie into gathering their friends and family all together. throws the biggest holiday party in the history of the firefam.

and now I’m thinking the s5 holiday episode would be the perfect time for buddie to go canon. buck and eddie have been getting closer since their begins eps. they’ve both grown as people. tried other relationships. neither of which work out. both of which they choose to end. 

actually, yes. I am into this. and here’s how it happens:

the sniper and the blackout puts things in perspective. which leads to eddie to breaking up with ana. buck realizes where his priorities are and he breaks up with taylor soon after. that’s when the shoulder bumps and playful banter starts to ramp up. they’ve always been in each other’s space and at each other’s homes. now it’s just more. buck and eddie become buck&eddie. 

there’s no big declaration or passionate kiss. 911 doesn’t really do that. what we will get is a buddie hug after a too-close call that lingers a little too long. and eddie doing his sustained eye contact thing. and buck reciprocating with his eye flutter thing. then eddie reaching with his hands. then buck’s blinding smile. then...

END CREDITS. because it’ll hurt so good. 

mid-way thru the next ep we’ll get confirmation in the form of carla. she’ll stumble over buck coming out of eddie’s room. there will be a little light teasing. it’s about time interspereced with domestic fluff. they will keep it to themselves for now. 

and then eddie’s parents guilt trip him into going to texas for the holidays. buck has a christmas eve shift, but has christmas day off. and plans with maddie, chim, albert, and the hans for jee-yun’s first christmas. plus holiday dinner with athena and bobby’s family. he’s not going to be alone. 

doesn’t feel that way tho.

and then there’s a scene at the airport that mirrors the end of s1. only instead of abby leaving it’s eddie and christopher. with buck and eddie both pretending to be okay. neither of them are. 

cue eddie in texas. where everything goes wrong. of course it does. helena and ramon keep making jabs about how eddie’s raising christopher. they will never think he’s enough. even worse they don’t treat christopher like an autonomous person. but a consolation prize. a parenthood do-over.

and eddie’s miserable. christopher’s miserable. they both miss buck.

there’s definitely a firefighter santa involved. a lesson about family being who you chose. christopher won’t stop talking about last christmas at the station. about buck.

which is why. when everything comes to a head over christmas eve dinner. eddie makes an executive decision. books a red-eye flight and bundles him and christopher off to the airport. 

buck’s out on a call when eddie and christopher arrive. it was only a 2 hr flight but it’s still really late. they both conk out on the sofas. and that’s where buck spots them when the trucks pull into the station. he’s doesn’t go all the way over to them. just watches them from afar. like he’s always done. 

until eddie wakes up. sees him watching. reaches his hand out to buck and drags him into their space. physically connects the three of them. kisses his hand. merry christmas buck. 

neither buck or eddie notice that chris is also awake. watching them with a mischieveous smile on his face. because christopher believes in magic. the christmas spirit. santa claus. and apparently santa claus believes in christopher because that man has granted each and every one of his wishes.

dad. mom. family. buck. 

christopher has been slowly building his own family. via christmas miracles and the help of his good friend santa claus. 

outside the window it starts snowing.

and it feels like magic. 

[dabs-into-oblivion]

dragon age origins but with even more elf emotions

(featuring @swordsoprano 's elf mage warden Neria and my human mage warden Vernon)

instead of Jowan existing (fuck Jowan all my besties hate Jowan) Neria and Vernon are roommates in the Circle tower. they're both recruited by Duncan and they both survive the Joining. along with Alistair, they survive the battle at Ostagar and journey throughout Fereldan on their various quests.

Neria is pretty obviously immediately smitten with Leliana. Vernon tries to be a good wingman by talking to Leliana a bunch, only to overhear that Alistair thinks there's something going on between him and Leliana.

Neria is best friends with Alistair. Vernon doesn't understand this. he likes the guy well enough, he supposes, but he's just some guy. Vernon might be a little bit hurt that Neria seems to have replaced him with Alistair. (this is eventually solved with communication, but not before the requisite amount of angst.)

they encounter Zevran on the road and spare his life despite Alistair's complaints. Zevran is of course extremely flirty to both Neria and Vernon. Neria turns him down because, well, Leliana. Vernon encourages and reciprocates Zevran's interest.

cue the disaster bisexual conversations between Neria and Vernon...

(Neria: "but does she LIKE me?")

(Vernon, rolling his eyes for the five hundredth time: "why don't you ask her?")

(Neria: "you're no help")

(Vernon, emerging from Zevran's tent with the distinct look of someone who has just had sex: "how do i tell him i'm in love with him?")

(Neria, rolling her eyes for the seven hundredth time: "have you considered...just telling him?")

(Vernon: "i can't do that!!!!")

and so it goes.

eventually, after several near-death situations and a few heartfelt songs from Leliana, Neria makes a move. she's been very sheltered, so she doesn't really know what to do, but Leliana doesn't seem to mind.

(Neria: "so...i like you. in a romantic way")

(Leliana, eyes brightening: "i was wondering how to tell you. i've been feeling this for a little while now")

(Neria: "you...you feel the same way?")

(Leliana: "yes")

(Neria: "can i kiss you?")

they kiss. it's disgustingly cute. they take a while to sleep together, but they snuggle a lot, which, if anything, is actually worse.

Vernon, in a well-established fuck-buddies relationship with Zevran, pines his ass off. it's only when the Crows catch up to Zevran that Vernon manages to overcome his inertia and tell Zevran how he feels.

(Vernon: "look, Zevran. i understand if you don't feel the same, and i understand if you're not comfortable with our arrangement anymore, but...i'm in love with you")

(Zevran: "i--")

(Vernon, blushing furiously: "you don't have to say anything")

(Zevran: "no, wait, i--i've just never been in love before." pauses; "i think...let me kiss you to make sure")

they kiss.

(Zevran: "i've definitely never felt this way about anyone before. is that enough, for now?")

(Vernon: "of course")

eventually Zevran tells Vernon that he is, in fact, in love with him, and the two of them are insufferable for a while. ~and they all lived happily ever after~

[emerald-amidst-gold]

Ohh maybe 1, 2, 3, and 28? 👀

*takes a sip from my can of soda* Ahhh~! Caffeine for the soul~ >:3

But you know what's better for the soul? Questions! Curiosity! RAMBLING ABOUT CHILDREN! >:D Let's GOOOO!

1. What would your Warden generally think of your Hawke and your inquisitor?

Rylen: 

Now, I kind of see Elise eventually meeting or at least, reaching out to Rylen after the events in Kirkwall. After all, she’s an Amell, and so is Hawke. They’re literally the only family each other has (that’s not ‘found’ family, that is.). So, I think Elise would reach out through a letter or somehow manage a visit to her cousin and...connect. She would see him as inspiring; Rylen always manages a smile and a quip. However, if they were to spend more and more time interacting with each other, Elise would see that Hawke isn’t very well put together, especially after the Chantry explosion. She would question why Rylen chose the templars, why he executed Anders who was a like a brother to her, but eventually she would come to understand the whys. Elise would see it as no different as when she decided to spare Loghain at the Landsmeet; they did what they believed to be right and what would be best in that very moment. Both Rylen and Elise sacrificed their own happiness for the benefit of others, and were still blamed for future complications and there’s something comforting in a finding another who can relate. :3

Fane:

So, I actually have some later fic ideas for a confrontation between Elise and Fane (after Trespasser, kind of Pre-DA4 shenanas~), and suffice it to say, these two have similar ways of thinking, but their methods are entirely different. Fane is rash, prone to barreling head first into conflict without thinking about those around him. Elise is analytical, always assessing and placing the pieces in her head to make sure everyone comes out alive. This isn’t to say Fane doesn’t care about his comrades; he does. There’s countless, countless times he takes a blow for someone else without batting an eye or thinking that he could die. He just doesn’t plan; he acts. Fane can get lost in the moment of battle, in the heady scent of chaos and blood. Elise, at first meeting him, would see him as any typical warrior; eager for battle and a garden of death. But if they were to sit down and talk...I think she might find him endearing and fascinating. More or less she would think, ‘He’s so mature for someone so young. I mean, he’s twenty-four, but...he speaks as if he’s older. His speech is manicured, measured as if decided upon carefully. And his eyes...there’s pain, a deep, deep pain. Like some of the older Wardens, those just hearing the Calling. But also...hope? Conviction? Who are you, Inquisitor? What has the world done to you?’

2. What would your Hawke generally think of your warden and your Inquisitor?

Elise:

Rylen would probably have the same opinion of Elise as she does with him. They’re family, split apart due the misconceptions and fear, and my Hawke cherishes family. He lost everyone else he could rightly consider family. Fenris, Varric, Sebastian, Isabela, and Merrill are the only people he can call family now. (Anders and Aveline are complicated. I won’t go into that can of worms. For now~ >:3) He would definitely feel a level of guilt for what he had to do in Kirkwall with Anders, with the mages, with...everything, but Rylen just tries to make it through another day. If he and Elise started to interact I think it would be extremely beneficial to Rylen. Elise is patient, sometimes stern, and not afraid to lay all the facts out. Rylen would admire that since he’s had to go through life wearing a mask, a smile, a facade just to placate someone else. He would see Elise as another sister and his opinion of her would probably be along the lines of, ‘I won’t let another member of my family be torn from me. Father, Bethany, Carver...Mother.. I failed them. I won’t fail her. I won’t fail her. She’s bright and she keeps her head held high. Heh, now I see how she killed an Archdemon and lived to tell the tale. ...Bet the lightning has something to do with that, too.’

Fane: 

Rylen and Fane, in my head, actually hit it off from the get go. They’ve both had to take mantles of power, even though they never, never wanted to. Though, for different reasons, of course. But Rylen would find Fane inspiring and wholly capable of doing what must be done. He’d be kind of put off that most of his well thought out jokes and pokes would fall flat on Fane, but eventually, Rylen would see why that is. (Draconic nature withstanding.) Also, once my Hawke found out Fane is dragon?  OHHHH, BUDDY. There would be yelling and screeching and cries of, ‘WHY DO I KEEP MEETING DRAGONS, FENRIS?! FIRST THE WITCH, NOW THE INQUISITOR?! ..I’m done. I’m putting my daggers down and stealing away into the mountains. Varric, you wanna come with? I know you’re fed up with this shit, too! Don’t lie! DON’T. LIE.’

3. What would your Inquisitor generally think of your warden and your Hawke?

Elise:

Fane would probably think of Elise as...interesting. Not in a bad way. Just...interesting. Fane isn’t comfortable with Wardens after Adamant. He learns that he can hear the corruption inside of them and that terrifies him. And confuses him. And makes him go, ‘What the fuck am I? I don’t even know anymore. Why do I try?’ But, if he were to get over that and, like I said with Elise, talk? He would have another perspective of the men and women that had let fear take them by the throat. It wouldn’t change his feelings regarding the Wardens entirely, but one level mind, one open mind, is enough to make Fane tap into his nature and consider other sides of a very, very large cube.

‘She’s more...quiet than the others. Maybe because it’s just her? No...Loghain was still loud as fuck when it was just him, so why? Ugh, I’m so sick of these puzzles. At least she’s more stable, but I can see the pain in her eyes; green like mine, but missing the gold. Maybe the Taint is stronger than she thinks? Perhaps, but still she fights, still she claws her way towards something that may be impossible. ...Hmph. How typical. A similarity. This world continues to confound.’

Rylen:

Fane respects Rylen after spending some time to feel him out, know his cues, and piece together which is his actual face. Once that happens, Fane can move into respect with my Hawke. These two have a fairly similar moral compass; pragmatism regarding most decisions. Again, they both have been thrust into a position without asking for it, so that would be a stepping stone upon the bonding path. All in all, Fane’s general opinion of Rylen would be, ‘He’s worn that mask of smiles and bright, grey eyes for too long. It’s cracking at the edges, wearing down to mere mortar. Then again, I have my own mask. I’m in no position to judge and condemn, but...it’s worrying. Even the strongest wings can be torn and all that greets is the earth below. I hope your wings don’t falter, Champion. It would be disappointing for the world to lose someone who cares when those who should are content to point the finger towards anyone but themselves.’

28. What is their favourite location within their own game and what would be their favourite in each others?

Fane: The Emprise du Lion! Snowwwww! Coooold! Ice dragooooon! >:3 ...minus the red lyrium. *snorts* 

Origins: Hmm, I think Fane would like the Brecilian Forest. He enjoys forests as much as he enjoys the cold, the ice, and the snow. He likes the animals, even though he tries not to interfere with them, and he likes the quiet. No chattering, no demands. Only trees, leaves, and the occasional whistle of wind. Also, Fane likes to investigate ancient ruins. He’s not interested in the history, really. He just wants to see if he can find any remnants about his kin that the elves may have left behind. :3

DA2: Probably Sundermount since again, wilderness. Fane doesn’t do too well in crowded areas and Kirkwall would make his heart rate sky rocket. Not just because of the people, but because of the size. Those cramped streets of Lowtown would just make him...eugh. *shivers*

Elise: She adores Orzammar! Especially the Shaperate! The dwarves fascinate Elise since not many tomes in the Circle went into depth about them! :D And if we want to with Awakening areas, I would saaaay...Amaranthine. She’s always like towns and cities due to not being able to experience them until the Blight! :3

Inquisition: Elise would adore the Frostback Basin. Like, really enjoy it! All that flora and Avaar culture and wilderness? MMMM!

DA2: Definitely the Wounded Coast. Hands down. My daughter enjoys the sea so much. The salt in the air, the feel of sand, and the pretty, pretty shells and rolling waves? Every Circle mages’ wet dream. *waggles eyebrows*

Rylen: So, if we’re not talking like open world areas in the game, I would definitely say Rylen’s favorite place is the Hanged Man. The man needs a drink to deal with Kirkwall. Just saying. It’s also where he can just...be himself with the people who know him. 

Inquisition: Hinterlands. He’s a FERELDAN. He wants his MABARI to RUN in native land! He wants to...go home. ;3;

Origins: I like to think the Hawke family went all over Ferelden before settling in Lothering. I mean, they kind of do, but maybe for more than a few months at a time? So, Rylen would enjoy Denerim. He likes to go where people are, where life is. He likes crowds because he can blend into them and not be tracked down until he wants to be tracked down. ...My Hawke just wants to live in peace with his glowy elf husband and run a mabari ranch. Is that too much to ask, Bioware?! Let Hawke REST!

Woo! That was FUN! It really got me thinking, too! X3 Thank you so much, friend! <3

[sunflowergirl522]

Runaway: Their Journey Begins

Pairing: Tiefling!Bucky x Elf!Reader

Summary: Bucky takes a lot of jobs to make a living and this one was no different. Except for the fact that it’s for an elf prince and elves tend to avoid him in general. He accepts and with Sam and Steve they start their journey to find the elf prince’s runaway bride.

Word Count: 2,551

Warnings: Language (if there’s anything else let me know)

Bucky and Steve sit in a dark corner of the crowded tavern drinking from their mugs of beer. They decided to come for some drinks to celebrate the mission they just successfully completed.

“How mad do you think Sam is since we had to trade away his lute for the jewel?” Steve chuckles as he asks Bucky the question.

“Seeing that he separated from us as soon as we got in here he’s gotta be fuming. I bet steam is coming out of his little ears just thinking about it. Where is he anyway?” As if on cue a table falls over and their heads turn in the direction to see Sam standing where it once was in front of an orc who’s just realizing what happened. You can tell just looking at Sam that he’s both very drunk and angry. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out Sam pushed the table over.

“Watch where you’re walking, you big oaf! You almost trampled me!” Sam kicks the orcs legs while he speaks. Bucky and Steve both look at each other knowing what’s about to happen.

“You spilled my drink on me. Who do you think you are?” The orc lifts Sam up by the collar of his shirt and yells at him.

“It’s your turn to save him. I did it last time.” Steve sips from his mug nonchalantly as he reminds Bucky.

“For such a small guy he sure causes a shit load of problems.” Steve laughs as Bucky hesitantly gets up to help their friend. “Hey buddy! Why don’t you pick on someone closer to your size?”

“Get out of here handle head. I have no issues with you.”

“Yeah well now you do.” Bucky gives a punch to the orcs stomach and he drops Sam. 

“Okay devil man you asked for it.” That’s when the tavern erupts into chaos. Bucky’s quicker than the orc and dodges his punch while landing a blow to his crotch and knocks him back onto a table. He climbs on top of the orc to land blow after blow to his face.

The tavern doors open and everyone freezes as elven guards walk into the building. It’s rare to see elves in the tavern and you never even see sun elves anywhere. Sun elves normally just stuck to their own areas. So seeing a bunch of royal guards coming into the tavern was enough to stop Bucky mid punch to figure out what’s going on. A hush falls over the tavern and the people who were muttering to each other go silent as an elf prince walks in. He stops in the doorway and scans through the building before his eyes land on Bucky. The prince makes his way over to him stopping just in front of the table. He makes a face of disgust looking at the bloody orc before speaking.

“I’m in need of your services.” Bucky’s eyes go wide for a second in shock before throwing one last punch to the orcs face and motioning for the prince to follow him back to Steve and Sam. The prince grimaces at the sight of Sam so drunk he’s barely conscious and very hesitantly takes a seat across from the human and tiefling.

“What can we do for you?” 

“I need you to find someone for me. My bride to be has disappeared under my watch. As of this morning she was missing from her room and she’s not in my kingdom. It’s preferable that you find her before her father finds out that she’s gone. I believe that she was kidnapped though we have very few enemies and none were aware that she was visiting.”

“What does she look like?”

“She’s a moon elf, that’s pretty self explanatory.”

“I assure you, your majesty, that we don’t see a lot of moon elves in our profession. We need a description to find the right girl.” A moment of silence as the prince tries to find the words to say and something clicks in Bucky’s head. “You’ve never even seen her have you?” The annoyance in his voice wasn’t well hidden and Steve’s quick to but in.

“Where was she last?”

“The last any of my guards or her guards saw her was in the room she was using during her visit.”

“Can I assume you won’t let us in said kingdom?”

“You can and you’d be correct.”

“So you expect me to be able to find some lost princess, who may or may not have just left on her own, with no description, no reason for someone to take her, and without being able to track her from the last place she was. You must be out-”

“We can help.” Steve is quick to interject and cut Bucky off from insulting the prince. Bucky shoots Steve a glare while crossing his arms. “Do you have any suggestions on where we should start looking?”

“There’s a town not too far from the kingdom, I believe it’s called Tavin, I’d start there.” He motions a finger for a guard to come over and he drops a bag of coins onto the table. You’ll get the rest after you return her safely.” The prince then gets up swiftly and leaves the tavern with his guards following close behind him. Steve grabs the coins before Sam can get just sober enough to get his hands on them.

“What an entitled fucking weed eater! We’re never gonna find this damned princess!” Bucky slams his fist onto the table causing Sam to grumble slightly at the noise.

“Are you the best at what you do?”

“Of course I am.” Bucky scoffs at the thought of someone being better than him.

“Then we shouldn’t have a problem finding her.” Steve smirks at Bucky knowing he won whatever argument they could’ve had. “Now let’s go sober up Sam and pack up.” He tosses Sam over his shoulder and starts to make his way out of the tavern. Bucky follows while grumbling to himself in Infernal.

***

It took them an hour of dunking Sam's head in cold water and slapping him to get him mostly sobered up. It was a system of Steve pulling his head out of the bucket and Bucky slapping him before Steve dunks his head back in. It’s a system they had to create because Sam always insists that he can drink as much as them and not get drunk when he does every time. 

“So what exactly are we doing again?” Sam speaks from atop Steve’s shoulders where he climbed up due to getting tired from walking.

“We have to find some elf broad for some prince.” Bucky’s fists haven’t really unclenched since they left town. His annoyance at how little they had to work with was amusing to Steve because he knew that as soon as they got a hint at where the princess could be, Bucky would get the job done in no time.

“Bucky’s still upset with how little we know about her or where she could be.” Steve looks up at Sam to explain the hostility in their friends' voice.

“An elf gal huh? I know the perfect song for this!”

“No!” Bucky doesn’t even have to turn around to know that Sam’s about to reach behind him to grab his new lute that he made them stop to buy on their way out. 

The trio eventually comes to a crossroads and according to the map they have both paths will eventually lead to Tavin. 

“I’ve been to Tavin before if we go right we’ll be able to get there faster.” Bucky looks at Steve while pointing to the path he believes to be right.

“Buck, I’ve gone to Tavin a hundred times if we go left it will take longer, yes but, there’s a small village in between us and Tavin.”

“Steve if I wanted to stop at a town I would’ve picked that one. The prince said that he would prefer we find her before daddy dearest finds out so we should take the quicker path.”

Their bickering continues for a few more minutes before Sam gets annoyed and looks at the map himself.  Taking into consideration what both his friends said he starts walking one way while bringing his lute around his shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Steve yells out to Sam while Bucky smirks at Steve knowing that Sam had just made their decision and he chose the right path.

“I’m gonna go find me an elf lover!” Ater speaking he begins to strum the strings and sing a song about the love between an elf and a halfling. Steve shoots one of his own smirks at Bucky knowing how annoyed he’s about to get and Bucky groans before they both follow close behind Sam.

“Why did I have to befriend a bard?”

“Because said bard saved your life, on more than one occasion.” Sam answers the rhetorical question still strumming away.

“Shut it shortstack, you were only able to help because no one can see you coming.”

“Can we just all agree that you’re both idiots and move on with our lives? I’d rather not spend the whole trip listening to the two of you argue.” Steve can’t speak without letting out a chuckle at how ridiculous they are.

“Alright.” Sam goes back to his song.

“Fine.”

The trio walks on for hours with Sam playing songs here and there and with them all cracking jokes at each other. They walk till after sundown and well into the night. Thanks to the stash of food Sam always has they didn’t need to stop to hunt for anything.

“Can we stop walking now? It’s almost too dark to see the path.” Sam asks.

“Maybe for you but that’s why I’m here.”

“He’s right Bucky. We should set up camp for the night, we could all use some sleep.”

“Alright c’mon, I see a clearing off the path up ahead. We can set up there, I’ll start a fire.” Bucky leads them up the path a little longer before turning just off of it. He takes his pack off and heads off to find wood, leaving Sam and Steve to set up the tent. When he gets back Steve is sitting outside the tent and Sam already went to sleep.

“Do you think we really need a fire?”

“You’re telling me this now? After I went out to find and get wood.” Bucky drops all the wood he’s holding at Steve’s feet.

“I thought you could use some time to yourself to calm down.” Bucky just nods at him and sits next to him, leaning back on his hands.

“Do you really think we’re gonna find the girl Steve?” Bucky asks after a moment of silence between them.

“Of course I do. As soon as we get a hint of where she is you’ll be able to find her in no time.”

“I’ve been thinking, the prince said that no one knew that she was there right? She could have just run away, I mean it’s clearly an arranged marriage and he isn’t much of a catch?”

“I don’t know Buck, from what I’ve heard arranged marriages are rare even among elves. I’m sure if they were getting married they knew each other. I’m gonna head to bed, you should too.”

“Yeah I will in a bit.” Steve heads into the tent and Bucky looks up at the moon. He can’t help but think that Steve’s wrong. He sits there looking up at the moon for a while before following Steve into the tent.

***

“Wake up devil boy! It’s time to get this show on the road! Shit!” Sam whines as Bucky flicks him with his tail. “You’re so fucking grumpy when you wake up.”

“It’s only when it’s to your voice.” Bucky sits up and leaves the tent yawning in the process.

“Morning Buck. It looks like we should make it to Tavin today.” Steve is sat with the map spread out in front of him.

“Morning.” A strand of hair falls over Bucky’s forehead and he runs a hand through the hair in between his horns. “Do I still have food left Sam or should I go hunt something down?”

“It’s gone but Steve already hunted you down some rabbits.” Steve was always an early riser while Bucky was an all-nighter. Sam just liked to sleep, it’s dangerous to even let him rest in a sunbeam.

Bucky looks to Steve and he pulls Bucky’s food pack from behind him to show him the already cooked rabbits inside. “Thanks Steve. Sam come help me pack up the tent.”

Once the tent is packed up the trio starts continuing their journey to Tavin.

***

Tavin is a lively town with merchants and musicians littering the streets. Bucky puts his hood up to hide his horns the best he can. He does this often when they go to a town because he doesn’t know how people will react to a tiefling being among them.

“We should stop at the tavern first.” Steve suggests to Bucky while Sam follows close behind them.

“Well what are we waiting for let’s go!” Sam speeds up hearing the word tavern ready to eat and drink. They follow Sam to the tavern, La Luna, and Bucky grabs the back of Sam's shirt to stop him when they enter.

“We’re not here to drink, got it?”

“Yeah yeah, just here to get information, you’re no fun.”

Steve and Bucky make their way up to the bartender while Sam gets distracted by a pretty dwarf.

“Hey there newcomers, can I get you anything?”

“No thanks, we're just wondering if you can help us find someone.” Steve leans against the counter.

“Barely a soul comes through here that I don’t know.”

“We’re looking for a moon elf princess, you seen her?”

“I may have, my memory may need jogged though.” Bucky slides some coins on the counter knowing how this process works. “I’ve seen her, she comes here often when she’s off adventuring. Pops actually named this place in honor of her.”

“Has she been here recently?”

“Was here just yesterday, she left with a clan of dwarves that are frequent customers.”

“Do you know where we can find those dwarves?” Bucky slides him a few more coins over to him.

“You got a map?”

Meanwhile Sam is trying to shoot his shot with the dwarf maiden he spotted.

“Hey sweet thing, my friends and I are in town looking for someone and I think I may be who you’re looking for.”

“That depends on who you're looking for.” She sends a seductive smirk to Sam and boy is he weak to attractive women.

“Some elf princess, I’m sure you’re much more attractive than her though.”

“Where are your friends now and do they care if we disappear from here for a bit?” Sam points over to Steve and Bucky who’re talking to the bar tender and she looks over.

“Over there, I just have to let them know i’m leaving with a pretty lady-”

“Actually I gotta go.” She cuts Sam off and leaves the tavern in a hurry. 

“Her loss.” Sam shrugs and makes his way over to his friends.

“C’mon Sam, we’ve got a lead.”

Permanent Taglist: @starbxcks

Taglist: @poppunkdork @sourpatchspinster (If you guys don’t want to be tagged let me know you were just the ones that got me back into this)

[smutty-ki113r]

Hiya! I saw your blog and was interested in asking for a romantic matchup! You can involve nsfw if you would like.

My name is Ronan, my nickname is Ro, my most used pronouns are she/her/he/him. My sexuality is demi-sexual meaning I don’t get sexual attractions to people unless I have formed a strong emotional connection with said person. My zodiac is Scorpio (that’s pretty much all I know about that lmao) also my personality is ISTP-T

Starting with my mental trash I have a VERY low self esteem. I never liked the way I look and probably never will. I suffer from chronic depression that’s pretty much taken over my life. I have a very hard time with social cues and can come off as an asshole most of the time and I’m extremely blunt. People tend to think I’m cute since I’m fairly small; I’m a 5’3 Nordic female with thicker thighs. I am absolutely OBSESSED with The Legend of Zelda franchise, it’s been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. I’m pretty musical; I play bass, drums, and sing. I also voice act so that’s really fun. Not gonna lie I say I have a huge ego but really I just hate everyone. Having depression I mostly lock myself in my room and work on my art.

How I look: I have black/brown hair in a boy cut. I have big round hazel eyes, my face is round with slightly chubby cheeks and freckles. I want to get my lip pierced but sadly have not gotten to that yet.. My fashion sense is kinda everywhere but I typically go for the cottage core aesthetic. I love muted nature ish colors, I think they look so pretty. I love to go on long walks and sit alone at my local park. I find being alone outside very calming. When I’m not outside or in my room I’m mostly playing video games with my friends and kicking their ass. Believe it or not I used to do boxing but now I just lift weights and workout some. I have a long history of physical illnesses that really render my body kinda useless so I always try to strengthen myself up however I can. I spent most of my childhood in the hospital due to these illnesses. I have been homeschooled my whole school years but I taught myself German, Japanese, and computer science. I actually have a job around it. I’m terrible at explaining my feelings and asking for help so telling people I love them is a huge chore for me. A lot of the time you can find me alone singing to myself with my eyes closed daydreaming.

I love to read. My friends say I’m really boring but whatever. OH I’ve always wanted to be a DJ. I know its a really weird dream but it just looks so cool. Nobody ever expects the sick quiet girl to want to be a DJ. Speaking of shy I’m a huge introvert if you couldn’t figure that out already. I’m extremely shy, don’t talk to me I’ll run away or you’ll be enveloped in my Zelda talk. I have amazingly crazy music taste (according to my mom) I listen to mostly heavy metal and Corpse Husband.

NSFW: Huge HUGE brat. You want me to do something? Yeah fuck you. I’m a huge sub you can pretty much do anything to me. I have a big daddy kink like please let me call you daddy UGH. Also praise but degrade me at the same time? Please thanks. I’m also a pillow princess. Um um ddlg yes thanks.

I match you with…..💖BEN_DROWNED💖

NSFW bellow~

OK OK I KNOW I KNOW, DON’T @ me for picking Benny boy for you Ro. I just think it’s the right fit. Let me start off with the whole depression thing, BEN relates to locking himself in his room and hyperfixating on something. At least you’ll have a gaming buddy to get you through it. Plus, he’s a very competitive guy. Get him to not cheat and you will have fun for hours. Not to mention you sound a bit like Jeff in the way that you can come off as rude. BEN and Jeff are pretty good friends, so you’ll make a wonderful partner for BEN.

Voice acting? BEN will love that, he’ll try to get you to do different characters from his video games or even anime characters. He loves your chubby cheeks, likes to squish them and make them puckered and then give you kisses. It’s quite adorable. Zelda talk? Yeah you don’t need to worry about him running off about that.

BEN will be obsessed with the cottage core, probably likes those little white flowy dresses. Maybe one day wear those elf ears and surprise him, I think he’d think it’s cute. You should definetly do his makeup, put that holographic glitter on his cheeks and some hair clips in his hair- maybe a skirt if he feels up to it.

BEN is very understanding about your illnesses, in fact he would be super impressed that you even lift weights. And is so so supportive about you wanting to be a DJ. He gets excited and calls over Jeff to show him. He’s not very shy about saying I love you, maybe the first time but after it’s constant affection.

For the smut! He can get rough sometimes, loves the daddy kink. He’s the type to soak all that up like a sponge. Praises you for taking his cock so well but will call you pathetic for making those noises. Probably wants you to wrap your thighs around his head and suck your clit for hours, he likes to feel you cum.

Ok Ok I hope you enjoyed that! I love how you have a big ego and then- low self esteem, sounds like me. I literally hate myself so much and then… holy shit I’m the hottest person alive. I know what depression is like, those thoughts just wrap around your throat and choke the life out of you, and it’s not even fast. It’s every day just heavier and heavier, dragging you down and making you feel horrible. I mostly lock myself in my room too, but writing helps me through it. I love love love your hair, boy cuts are so cool. And get that lip piercing! IT WOULD LOOK AWESOME. I love that you’re talented in music, I wish I was musically inclined. Scorpios are so cool, like I said, my best friend is one and so I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I am so incredibly proud of you, homeschool and then the illness stuff must be so hard but you are so strong for going through it. You don’t deserve it but sometimes life works that way. It’s ok to be shy and introverted. For the record, I think you would make an awesome DJ. DO it, I believe in you, so should you. I mean we all have our passions, work hard enough and I promise you’ll get there. I used to write a lot about my feelings and nobody ever read it, but I continued and look where I am now! Im so proud of myself for having this account, and you for being ALIVE. Thats all you need to do, you don’t need to be cool, or popular or skinny to be an amazing person.

Ro, I swear you are an awesome person. I can clearly see it, and I promise one day you’ll look in the mirror and think the same. If your friends say you’re boring they aren’t your friends. They sort of suck because reading is so cool. Without readers I couldn’t be a writer now could I? I believe in you. I know you can do it. Lifting weights is so badass I couldn’t even- I can barely do 5 pound weights man. Ya know I believe that the people who go through the most pain and sadness are the ones who will be the happiest in the end. The universe has to give us back what we lost, there is balance in everything and pain is only temporary. Everything is temporary. So I promise it’ll be ok man, and hey, you’re valid. I see you ro, and I know that you’ll make great places someday.

[munstarr]

The Orcs Keeper

Hello everyone!! This is an idea I had in the middle of the night once, its gonna be a slow burn. Orc X OC! I hope you all like it, thank you so much for reading! Id appreciate any and all feedback you have,feel free to DM me!  I am currently working on the next part! Thank youuu !

❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥

He’d done it! She couldn’t fucking believe it, well sadly to say she could. Her disgusting uncle has offered her up to save his own ass. Azura sighed climbing into the back of the emerald green wagon. Why had her parents left her in the hands of such a slime ball, just because he was her only living relative? Her parents had died when she was only twelve and they entrusted her and the little money that they had to her uncle. As she glanced back she thought maybe she was better off, as she’d seen her uncle scratch his hairy ass and fake a saddened goodbye. Maybe he had loved her deep down, but she doubted it. He had treated her like an errand girl her whole life. Rolling her eyes she willingly got into the carriage and closed the door herself.

If it hadn’t been for the nice note she got from her savior she would have considered just running away. Instead of finding a match for her, he had given her up to be a helper. She had been planning to leave her uncle but kept chickening out because she honestly felt bad for him. At forty eight he was a gamble addicted chicken farmer who had been left by his wife long before she even came along. He had always needed her and now she was gone, he’ll surely miss her at dinner time, when he had no food. That thought alone brought her some sort of comfort.

She had been entrusted to a mysterious person from the mountains. A few days prior she received a letter from them. It stated simply that they accepted her uncle’s offer only because he would had spoken highly of your skills and they were in dire need of a helper. Their long time helper had recently retired and they were at a loss without some sort of aid. It stated they’d pay you a generous sum and give you your own private quarters and that was enough to get you on board. You had always slept in a glorified walk-in closet at your uncles and lived off the tips people gave you when you made egg deliveries. You were able to keep your beautiful ebony skin glowing and fresh but still, It had always been a stretch on basically no budget. True you didn’t know anything about this person but the worst-case scenario was you’d get murdered, that thought made you gulp. Azura wasn’t scared of death and definitely could hold her own in a fight. She had kicked the asses of many of her uncle’s drunken gamble buddies. The beautiful green carriage that arrived to receive her however was a good sign that she could put her fists away for now.

They were off, feeling bored she decided to ride up front with the coachmen after they stopped for lunch. She learned the coachman’s name was Marv. She learned from him that her new employer was an orc who ran a linen business, after inheriting it from his parents who retired. He worked long hours and never took care of himself, Marv, told you. The long time keeper of the house had been an elf and family friend for many years and looked after the orc after his parents retired. After a few years of aiding the orc, he finally decided to retire and suggested he seek out someone for help. This made her a bit happier knowing she wasn’t some random person he invited on a whim. They arrived at the estate around midday. The land was beautiful with lush greenery, covered with beautiful succulents and high columns. As they rode up she was in awe, this had to be the biggest house she had ever seen! How was she supposed to take care of this by herself she wondered.

As they rode up to the estate Azura was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. She hadn’t expected any of this, she was expecting a regular-sized house at best. Noticing her sudden silence and sensing her nerves Marv spoke up “You know, He is very nice and will be lucky to have someone as bubbly as yourself to bring some bright energy to this old place” he said casually. This made you smile, guess it was obvious you were nervous, this was your first time away from home after all. “That’s very kind of you to say, Marv,” she said, giving him a big smile. As if on cue the door opened and out stepped your new boss. It felt like time had stopped, as you glanced up you could have sworn you could almost hear the cheesy romance music playing in your head. He had to be almost seven feet tall with the most smooth olive-green skin except for a pink slash scar that was over his right dark emerald eye. He wore black trousers and a simple white cotton shirt that hugged his body nicely. Azura had been in a trance until she noticed he was talking and waving joyfully! “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she said finally getting down from the carriage. She hadn’t even noticed that they had been stopped, she was so embarrassed. “It’s quite alright, I am Barin,” he said, bending down to take her bag. “I appreciate you being able to come and help me, we can go inside and you can relax today of course. Tomorrow I thought it might be fun to give you a tour and show you the city.” He said cheerfully with a bright smile, his sharp tusks moving as he spoke. Now Azura was nervous for a whole new set of reasons, she hadn’t expected at all for her new boss to be such an attractive gentleman. She decided to immediately squash down those thoughts as she followed him inside.

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviewcaps Stuff: X-Men Evolution: The X-Impulse

Two of the series most popular characters, and one of its’ more popular ships: Jean and Xavier try to lead kitty away from charming asshole Avalanche whose trying to use her for crimes, but have trouble due to having taken stupid pills before this episode. Meanwhile Kurt and Scotty follow Logan as he confronts Sabertooth for the first time and gets cars thrown at him. No really. Abusive Romance, Flying Cars, and probable Gilmore Girls refrences under the cut. 

So yeah i’m doing another one already. This pace MIGHT slow eventually, as I want to get through the show faster.. but this episode gave me a ton of material to work with so I wanted to strike while the iron was hot. So as I mentioned last time the show started with slowly shoveling characters in one at a time, giving each time for focus and to breathe a bit. So with Nightcrawler and Toad out of the way it’s time for Shadowcat and Avalanche.. who happen to be one of the biggest ships for this show.. and also one some don’t like. Me, i’ll form an opinon as I go as I don’t remmeber much of them together other than him trying to join the x-men in one episode, so we’ll see. For now it’s time for some X-Impulse. Wait isn’t impulse dc? Is there a marvel character named that too? 

Yup there is! Two in fact, but somehow one is x-men related. This is impulse a member of the Shiar imperial guard I entirely forgot about because there’s like 40 or 50 diffrent members and he’s not one of hte more promeinet ones. For those who’ve never heard of these guys there the elite superpowered muscle for the Shiar Empire, an intergalactic empire whose former empress Charles Xavier dated for a while after dethroning her brother and who serve either as allies to our heroes or people for them to beat up depending on if someone sane is in charge that day or not, and who often have members killed to show off some new baddy, hence why there’s been three impulses apparently.

 Their based on the less military, more heroic and more fleshed out if still hugely sized,  legion of superheros from dc, which Guard co-creator David Cockrum was one of the  most famous artists for and originally actually CREATED Nightcrawler as a legionnaire, but he was rejected for being too demonic and thankfully recycled into the rougish religious elf we know today. The Guard were as far as I can tell made as a wink and a nod toward that and a gentle jab at the competition and is far from the first or last time either side would make characters based on the other side. I also bring up the Shiar because despite being a sizeable part of the X-Men mythos in the comics.. they’ve BARELY been used outside them. Cartoon wise only the 90′s series used them, though to be fair....

Given Evolution had both hinted at exterterstials apparently, and was planning on doing the Phoenix Saga in season 5, so they MIGHT have used them eventually, but I somehow doubt it and WOlverine and the X-Men didn’t live long enoguh to even consider it. As for the movies they were considered too ungrounded for them and thus were basically exiled from appearing on film for 20 years. Now the Shi’ar aren’t perfect characters, the fact before he took the throne himself Gladiator would just obey whatever assshole took the reigns due to some misguided loyalty didn’t help, but they could be used intrestingly and the guard are at least intresting in a fight, so it is a shame they couldn’t be used till recently and hopefully with the fox merger the mcu will put them to use at some point. Also for those curious if they showed up in any other cartoons.. nope. According to wikipedia, their mentioned in Avengers; Earth’s Mighteist Heroes (Which will also be covered here some day) and Legion (probably too though also probably not episode by episode if I do), and show up in two of the video games, with Ultimate Alliance being the biggest role outside of the 90′s cartoon from the looks of it, having the well, alliance, head to shiar space to get the mkrann crystal and battle with the guard and deathbird. Anyway, i’ve spent enough time on this weird sidebar, let’s get on with the actual episode!  We open with a pretty good scene. We meet Kitty Pryde, your average teen whose having a weird flying nightmare.. emphasis on weird as it is a bit wonky, but the idea is fine enough.. as is the result where she finds herself having fallen to the basement and FELT it, her panicked parents coming down and Kitty only being able to sob about having fell, her mom putting it off to sleepwalking.. until her dad notices her pillow and blanket fused into the celing above, which only makes the poor girl more upset. It’s a good, tense scene and a reminder that wether your mutant powers are benign or not.. having them awaken can still be traumatic as hell, and uses this world NOT having them be a public concern well: Kitty has NO IDEA what’s happening to her, no one to turn to and is understandabily terrified. For all she knows her body is breaking down and she might not be tangible again, not an unresonable fear given her comics counterpart once ended up in that very situation due to taking some heavy damage in battle from an energy charged harpoon.. from a guy named harpoon because even Claremont had an off day with names sometimes. My point is it’s a very good scene. Naturally Charles notices from cerebro.. and with a weird computer thing that somehow fully researchs who she is because tha’ts not creepy, but It is somewhat understandable. Cue the credits.  We then get a REALLY pointless throwaway scene with Kurt, now having’ been at school for long enough to be late several times apparently, late again and running into Mystique, in her guise as principal before Scott thankfully rescues him. Why Mystique is confronting her son like this I dunno, but what I really don’t is why this scene is here at all. It could’ve easily been replaced with a throaway line about Charles only wanting to have one student miss midterms or not wanting to arouse too much suspcion with the facultiy by taking too many of the kids out of school. Instead we just get this scene to establish their home. And yes they could’ve just needed to fill out the episode.. but there’s plenty of ways, that i’ll mention later, this minute of screentime could’ve been used better and we really didn’t need a whole scene of them to set up that they’d be home for their subplot this episode.  Back in scene’s that actually matter, Kitty is trying to sneak off to school but her mom stops her, with her family apparently having agreed to keep her home but Kitty just wants some normalcy and her family won’t even talk about it, so her mom relucntantly agrees. I can’t blame Kitty: even if it’s a terrible idea to go to school while she has no idea what’s happening to her and can’t control it as far as she knows.. she’s also a scared kid whose body is changing in ways she can’t fully grasp, and unlike puberty, which mutation is a mild metaphor for, there’s no deep years of study on it or how it changes a body: she has no idea what’s going on and just wants to grasp onto SOMETHING normal while she’s clearly not. It’s some well done character stuff.  Meanwhile  Jean and Chuck are on their way to what i’m assuming is that same old place, sweet home Chicago since that’s where Kitty is from in the comics and they had to fly there anyway. Jean questions why her.. out of the three junior x-men so far she’s the least intresting. Charles explains he thinks she can reach Kitty which.. makes some sense. Jean is uber popular at school, easy to get along with and endlessly nice, so she’s a good choice. Another likely part of it, and why not scott, is scott’s powers: it’s a lot easier to sell her parents on powers doing good with someone who can lift objects versus someone whose constantly cursed to never open his eyes, and this way kurt has his buddy back home so he dosen’t feel lonely his first time without his new dad. Now granted I question why STORM didn’t come with them, as she seems like a good choice and it’d be a nice nod to her bond with kitty in the comics, but I suspect it was simply easier to just have two x-men to focus on. Maybe she was busy getting Evan for two episodes down the line...

So then we get.. Charles being really, REALLY dumb.. like out of character dumb. See in the comics when the X-Men came to recurit kitty, they all came in civlian clothes, though ironically Jean wasn’t with them for the initial meeting because even more ironically she, Scott and Kurt were split off into their own group to try and recruit Dazzler, and Charles was nice and polite about it and promoted the school as well. a school. Granted Kitty’s parents didn’t know about her phasing here and Emma Frost was also trying to recurit kitty for HER school for gifted youngsters.. but still, there’s NO reason for Charles not to use that sort of pitch to get into the door, especially since as we learn in the scene after this Kitty’s a straight A student, retaining her deep intelgence from the comics, so there’s an easy foot in the door before he drops the mutant part in. Instead he just casually mentions he tracked her that he’s diffrent and comes off really fucking creepy and naturally they say fuck no to that. LIke.. how do they know he’s not with the goverment or forming a teen militia or just a pedophile who happens to be a mutant.. they do not and their already scared. So chuck gets a well earned door to the face. And thus I get to introduce a new running gag: The Chuck, you Blockhead, Count,. Now granted the obvious name may be the xavier is a jerk count, which i’ll probably also do but that’s more for being an asshole, like he often is due to poor writing or currently pragmatisim in the comic. No no this is for when Chuck is just out an out an idiot. Plus I love a good Charlie Brown refence so Chuck,  You Blockhead Count: 2 It’s at 2 since we also have last episode where Toad showed up with his own uniform, and attacked kurt.. and Charles did nothing and questioned nothing about that. And now I mentioned that other count Xavier is Jerk Count: 1 The Scott thing is more in character but for having his test be.. have a grown woman chase a teenager with Lightning. Storm was involved too but I doubt she’ll be an asshole as much so she’s safe for now. So having throughly botched it Xavier decides to have them split up, gang: Xavier will go to social services to find out more about lance since he’s an orphan, while Jean will infiltrate the school. Now while watching this I questioned why no one in school at all questioned a random teenager they never met roaming the halls.. but odds are jean just used her telepathy to either make anyone who saw her think she belonged there or masked her self from them seeing her, the latter being a signiture move of both jean and her teen self brought to the present because complicated bollocks, so fair enough. I also thought charles was just fucking off but accoridng to the wiki he was at social services, so he avoids another count and was doing something useful, checking on lance before he tries to offer him a spot: both to make sure he’s a good fit after last week’s debacle and figure out the best course to legaly take the boy in if so, and if not knowing charles still find the kid a home anyway because even if he’s not x-man yet, he’s still a child in need asshole or not and Charles is a good man. Such a good man he had to be told 9 timelines ended in utter disaster and ruin for mutantkind for him to even humor breaking from his dream according to recent comics, and according to Moira’s notes STILL took a good 15 years in universe of attempted genoicdes , 1 actual genocide and his people being reduced to a nub to finally cave and even THEN he admits he still loves humanity and wants them to be better. While I did put up an xavier is a jerk count just now at his best Charles Xavier is a good if flawed man who, while prone to ocasionally making utterly terrible decisions, loves both humans and mutants and just wants peace in our time and only created the x-men to foster it.  Meanwhile back at the ranch her mansion, Logan.. senses sabertooth.. I mean even with Logan’s adept sense of smell, I question how he could smell him over the exaust of Sabertooth’s goofy metalic penis, aka his own motorcycle, but it IS part of his mutant powers. Either that or they just have a magic force bond like Rey and Kylo Ren in the sequel trilogy.. minus the sexual tension and forced face turn for the latter.. maybe just minus the forced face turn. So Logan prepares to go fight his rival, and suits up for the first time. and while it’s in a black void for.. some reason it looks REALLY badass and really gives gravatas to seeing wolverine in costume for the first time. And since he’s one of ONLY two looks to look at this episode, since Kitty and Lance don’t get their uniforms this episode, let’s talk about it. 

I fucking love it. Like Kurt’s it’s basically his comic’s costume but slightly modified.. but unlike Kurt it’s a diffrent costume than last time, going with his cool brown look that he wore for quite some time in the comics, though made a bit more orange. However it honestly STILL looks fantastic and I get wanting to go with a color that’s a bit more eyepopping in the more muted tones of Evolution. It just looks fantastic and i’ts nice to see a cartoon use an alternate costume for a character as their main look.   Logan passes a returning from school Scott and Kurt, who decide to follow him and after debating which car, Scott gestures them to his.. which is scott’s sports car from bot the previous series and the comics. Why a 17 year old has this, I can only assume because Chuck is a really good dad, really rich.. and likely knows having a bunch of teenagers around means if one of them DOSEN’T have hteir own car they’ll be borrowing his rolls royce all the time and this way he can have his nights after training free to smoke a blunt with logan while they watch the next generation and eat a pile of cheeseburgers the children dropped off while crusing around out of his lack of hair, you know why you give your teenager a car in the first place. 

Anyways while Kurt and Scott buddy up and go on an excellent adventure, with Kurt even bamfing inside and god I love this dynamic. So fucking adorable. But anyways while that’s going on, Kitty is at school being mocked by two alpha bitches for being sad despite her grades then is shoved in a locker. When then meet Lance, soon to be known as avalanche and the other mutant at school who decides to graffito tag the place.. in the laziest but somehow still coolest way possible by just taking his spray can and spraing one long streak along the lockers. Not as neat as doing an actual tag but it does more petty dumbfuckery faster so fair play to him.  Kitty begs him to let her out.. before her powers trigger again. She tries denying it when he comments on them being cool.. before he shows off his own, making the earth move under his feet, though not the sky tumbling down a tumbling down.. that’s Storm’s job. It shakes the lockers and Kitty rather than be impressed, runs like hell. But yeah, I get the feeling, even with him having evil plans for her right after.. that he does feel some attraction to her here. And as I made clear i’ts not shipping goggles.. the way he acts.. he’s elated to meet someone else with powers, to after likely being pinballed around foster care and treated like shit by his piers over it and then finding out he has a special power but is still seen as a weirdo even by his minons.. he’s elated. It’s what draws him to her: that for once he’s NOT alone, and there’s someone else to revel in the sheer power and joy he feels using his powers and even though she runs he vows he’s gonan rock her world.  Since we’re where a commerical break would be, I figure now’s a good time to talk about Lance. In the comics he had a diffrent name entirely, and avalanche was more of a one note villian who later became a retired bar owner. Here he takes bits, the long metal hair and love of his powers, from Rictor, a more heroic mutant in the comics who only started out doing crimes because he was forced to and quickly joined the original x-men’s class of mutants the x-terminators before joining the new mutants and later x-force. He’s also , as you probably know, one fo the x-men’s most prominent gay mutants, but while hinted at in comics made before this series was fully canonized years after, and like iceman who came out even later, there was no way of knowing that at the time, so it made since to use him as partial template here. It also makes sense not to use the rictor name as while it makes more sense given the earthquake motif, Avalanche is an actual villian.. and you know the obvious fact that Lance is white and Julio Richter.. is not.  Granted they COULD’VE made him latino, and used sunspot for spike to ballnce it out representation wise, but this was the early 2000′s and they cared about as much for repesentation as Jeph Loeb does. Hopefully Rictor gets an adpatation at some point outside of Logan, but I get why not here. 

On with the show. Kitty shows up late for track due to thing one and thing two, and has to run first and trips, while on the nearbye rooftops Lance and his two goons try to break into the administration building to get test answers. They don’t as Lance notices an alarm, and while one of his goons asks why he dosen’t just quake a hole in, Lance points out the obvious: If there’s obvious tampering they’ll just change the test answers.. and since he knows about kitty now, he has a better way and when questioned rather than explain her powers, he just shakes rattles and rolls. He also makes one of Kitty’s bullies trip but it only scares her further. I”m getting. serious heathers vibes here jesus.. I mean Lance isn’t nearly as bad as Jason Dean but still jesus. I need to listen to more of that musical good stuff. 

Kitty retreats from her admierer/stalker to teh autitorim, where Jean finds her.. given Jean again slipped in here without no o ne noticing and no one came after kitty , i’m thinking she use her telepathy to mask anyone from seeing Kitty come in and seeing Jean at all so she could talk in private. Granted Lance shows up right after, but odds are Jean didn’t notice him and thus didn’t think to shield him and probably isn’t up to Charles level where he can create a psychic blindspot in an entire crowd. Anyways Jean tries to comfort kitty who’s still angsting about her powers and again hard to blame her when the only other mutant she’s met is a budding psychopath whose idea of a romantic gesture is injuring one of her enmiies for her. Jean does try to calm her down, first showing she’s a mutant and admitting she was freaked out too when she got her powers.. and given most depcitions of jean getting her powers are far from plesant that tracks. She does however make the mistake of telling Kitty, already figuring this is some sort of trick and jean will throw a puppy across the room to also try and get in her pants or something, that she’s a telepath and Kitty screams at her to get out of her head. Jean truly is taking after her mentor in thef ucking up department. Lance then shows up as I mentioned earlier, and tells Jean to backoff and that’ she’s mine and you get it. Oh and as a side note Jean DOES admit to having read Kitty’s mind so she CAN read minds, and likely has gotten a surface level look of duncan’s thoughts which I feel go a little something like this mnus the actual context of when the song’s going on. 

Lance then finds kitty, whose changed into her regular outift and promises not to use his powers this time, admitting he too felt lost and scared, and wants to help her take control and help her.. and while it is partly for his own petty scheme.. I do genuinely think he means part of that, that he does genuinely wnat her and want someone like him by his side.. it’s just in his warped head doing crime and whatever he wants is the right thing to do, that control means using this power to knock down whoever’s in your way and TAKE what you deserve. 

Jean instead phones xavier and both agree that if lance fully gets his hooks in her they might never reach her and Xavier tells him to stay on her and that she can overcome lance as an obstacle.. and then bemoans that some obastacles are more annoying than others as the social services building has a large stone staircas,e a nice quip and they beat the ulitmate universe to that joke by a few years. 

Meanwhile our two best buds track Wolvie to a car park because fuck if I know why he decided to make his stand there. Probably because the writers had a cool action scene in mind as we’ll see, but it still comes off dumb though given how every other x-man has been acting this episode it tracks. Anyway Sabertooth strolls up on his demonic wang-shang-a-lang, 

Seriously I mocked it before but it bears repeating. While Wolvie has a normal looking, if still badass, bike Sabertooth’s.. looks like something Skeltor would ride after he man. It Looks like warlock is horribly stucki n the form of a motorcycle. It looks like the kind of bike on some random asshole the bikers from sons of anarchy would beat up forposing. It looks like he stole it from the biker mice from mars. It looks like the polution from it’s exaust alone is the reason big bird die. it looks like Creed just brought it off the joker and remonded it. It looks like something the battletoads bought and regretted. It looks like ghost rider’s first trike. it looks like Tooth lost his dick in a horrible acciden tand is compensating with theree metalic ones. It looks like something the BAND creed sold to victor creed here. It looks.. bad is what i’m saying.  As for his actual outfit.. it’s okay,b asically his movie outfit with osme of the skin missing. That look isn’t my faviorite of his but it works to sell him as a savage monster and fits good with the more tactical less comic booky looks of this shows costumes. 

Creed, the man not the band though  he does look like the lead singer of creed, charges at Logan who simply pops his wheel while tooth falls off the roof.. and then the most rediculous and awesome part of the episode starts.... right after Scott’s car gets hit with the bike because what else did he think was going to happen when the fighting started.  Sabertooth , who apparently has really good super strength in this universe, starts CHUCKING CARS UP THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE CAR PARK UP AT LOGAN. Points to the team while the setting for this fight is nonseical, it is WORTH IT for this, with great action as Logan dodges the cars bursting through the roof. it’s rediclous, over the top.. and UTTERLY spectacular and not just in a so bad it’s good way. Logan eventually slips through a car hole, a sentence i’d never thought i’d say mostly becasue that’s the moe syslack approved term for garages but it works well here too, and into the garage before sabertooth RAMS him with a car, ranting about it’s their “destiny” only one is left. Which seems like some weird “applying highlander logic to former goverment weapon mutants’ bollocks, but instead is foreshadowing for the end of the season. Nice touch. Scott and Kurt arrive, in uniform since even if he’s a bit more personably here, Scott still is no dummy, and they sucessfully save Logan, whose pissy about it because it was his buisness and all, but Kurt thinks he secretly loves them and Scott sarcastically agrees. Not a bad subplot and it makes up for a weird choice of battleground on logan’s cart iwth utter insanity. Fun stuff.  Back at not so fun stuff, Kitty finds lance outside the office and takes him up on his offer, and he admits they ARE outsiders, there is something wrong with them.. but instead of moping about it, they can do something about it and revel in it. It really ties into Lance as a character: He’s probably felt, due to being an oprhan and not having a stable home life likely buffeted around foster care and acting out as a result, that he really is an outsider and his powers not only proved it.. but finally gave him POWER over all the people that cast him out. The power to take what he wanted and return what he got. The power to move you. He finally had power and he was going to make them pay for making him feel like he had none and wants Kitty to join him. And for a moment it works, kitty joyfully breaking in with him and actually enjoying her powers for the first time. Meanwhile kitty’s parents showed up, Jean having called them and somehow got them to listen.. and this is what I meant by that one minute earlier. We COULD have built up Kitty’s parents guilt and fear by having Charles approach them again.. and with them panicked over her not returning from school, have him explain what happened and help her father see how wrong he’d been to hide from it or had her argue with her dad then storm out. Instead they just show up here for the first time in almost 20 minutes so we could get a filler scene of kurt being late. 

Anyways inside Lance steals the answers and Kitty is horrified to find out that “Gasp” the juvinele delinquent who hurt someone to impress her is doing BAD THINGS. Lance tries to change her grades but she refuses.. and then Jean and the Prydes show up, with Kitty’s dad admitting he was wrong, he shouldn’t of hid fro her power and shoudl’ve been a better parent.. better than her comics dad who got in bed with gangsters i’ll give him that. But Lance not wanting to loose his new sorta girlfriend knocks a bookcase on kitty and abusively tries to drag her with him.. while jean says if you go with him now, her powers will be a curse like she thought earlier... even though Kitty’s pretty terrified of lance right now and dosen’t actually want to go with him.  it comes off like this bit from final space played entirely seriously

So yeah apparently I need this too...: God Dammit Jean Count: 3 The other two are for the telepath thing earlier and the duncan thing last episode. And given the duncan thing is going to be going on till season 3 yeah i’ll need this. I’ll probably also need a WHAT DOES SHE SEE HIM HIM COUNT, but i’m playing that one by ear. But yeah kitty does the obvious and breaks it off and phases out and Lance takes it well.. by trying to destory the entire school.. my god this really is heathers! Did .. did lance kill some popular kids before this? I have questions. Jean struggles to hold things up and worries about kitty, who falls under some ruble but charles assures her to focus: She can do this.. and as we seen Chuck likely sensed kitty who phases out and reuintes with her parents before rescuing them all. Kitty realizes her powers are a gift after all and says the x-men have her best intrest and heart and Charles finally decides to have an actual discussion with the prydes which had he had one might’ve helped this episode go faster.  We then end on Lance, angry and hurt starring into the distance, when Mistque approaches in her principal disguise, saying there may be an opening for her and transforms ending with a great line “I have much to teach you, my avalanche”. Which ihs a better code name than Rictor when put like that credit where it’s do. And we’re out. Final Thoughts:  This one was a bit of a step down as you could tell: The main core of Lance and Kitty IS really strong, being a good way to breifly touch on toxic relationships. If this gets better in season 2 I have no idea but it’s a compelling dynamic here, with Kitty being terrified of her power while Lance loves his and both are what prop this episode up alongside the fun car park fight and great dynamic with Kurt and Scott. HOwever what drags the episode down is EVERYONE but Kitty and Lance, who act in character, and Scott and Kurt, who had no idea logan was going into combat and were just curious what their cool teacher was up to acts like a fucking moron: Logan, rather than pick a fighting ground where he has an advantage chooses one where sabertooth can easily use stealth and gives him an opening too as well as a garage full of weapons that nearly ends him, Xavier decides just randomly revealing he knows where they live wiill impress scared parents, Jean decides telling someone she’s in their head is a great idea, Kitty’s parents think not talking about the thing tht just happened will make it disappear, which is at least realistic if nothing else, and Sabertooth thought that was a valid choice for a motorcycle. The climax is good but feels unearned and overall this episode could've neen fantstic but is bogged down by bits of stupid, but is still enjoyable thanks to it’s emotional core. Next time, whenever that is, another popular charcter arrives as we go Rogue. Until then, follow for more reviews, like this if you enjoyed it, send asks iwth suggestions for more shows and episodes to cover and until then, stay safe and stay mutant and proud. 

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Christmas 2020: Day 5 - Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

FIVE EVIL KINGS!

“Christmas...in July?!” I hear you scoff “What a preposterous idea.” Well, maybe not. After such an unprecedented year as 2020 has been, governments around the world find themselves in the delicate position of trying to further the public health whilst trying to stimulate their economies that are circling the drain. Plus, do you want to be seen as the Grinch figure who cancelled Christmas? That’s going to look real good come next election season, isn’t it? Well, what if we didn’t cancel Christmas..just postpone it instead. Did you know that the retail industry does 50% of its business between December 1st and December 25? That’s half a year’s business in just one month’s time. But with the inherent risk of everyone piling into stores and the already lost time from all these lockdowns, why not delay things slightly to allow us all time to get this new vaccination. Seems to me that Boris Johnson would be wise to legislate a second such gift giving holiday. Create, say, a Christmas 2 next Summer to stimulate growth.

Thank you, Danny Trejo. I’m just surprised it took me this long to mention COVID-19. It took me like the very first sentence of the October marathon. I suppose the Christmas season doesn’t really lend itself to it as much, though Kevin McCallister was doing pioneering work in that whole social distancing thing back in the day.

But yes, Rudolph and Frosty. After seeing both their specials over the past couple of years, why not watch them together in some sort of superstar tag team in their own feature length motion picture epic? I’m jumping ahead slightly in the Rankin/Bass cinematic universe which apparently was a little unwise as I missed a couple of important plot points.

Like, apparently Frosty had kids at some point? How does that work? Do snowmen fuck? I mean, Frosty was always a little dim so it kinda feels a bit weird like Buddy the Elf having kids by the end of Elf. Did kids build him a wife, bring her to life and then their combined magic allows them to have sentient children? Or do they have to be built and brought to life too? How many magic hats to these kids have access to? Is there just a factory somewhere pumping these things out? I can’t believe I have so many questions about an anthropomorphic snowman.

Nevermind that shit though, there’s a whole backstory going on that we need to dive into full of evil wizards and deities appearing on Earth in human form. Many years ago the wicked King Winterbolt ruled over the land with an iron first and a frosty sceptre capable of great magic. But against him stood Lady Boreal.

Queen of the Northern Lights! Oh for God’s sake, first It’s a Wonderful Life comes back to haunt me and now this. Why do so many Christmas movies have so many instances of the goddamn aurora borealis?! Anyway, she rocks up and is like “Stop all this evil tyranny business.” and he’s like “lol, no” and tries to shoot her with his magic missile, to which she’s like “Bitch, please.” and puts him into a deep slumber. But nothing lasts forever and eventually Winterbolt awakens and finds like the North land has a much more jolly leader in the form of Santa and vows to overthrow him with a rather longwinded scheme involving him winning the love of all the children of the world by making Santa get lost in a great snow storm. Then, Winterbolt can emerge with his own supply of toys and become the new Santa!

But with her last ounce of strength, Lady Boreal transfers her remaining magic into baby Rudolph’s shiny nose. Or maybe this is some Biblical level shit and she put Rudolph upon the Earth to be the saviour of Christmas, that he might grow up to lead Santa’s sleigh through the dark and stormy night. Where was this angle in the original Rudolph?! Kinda re-writes that whole part about him being shunned by Santa and his own Father too. Does kinda take that whole ‘embrace who you are’ thing to a new level when you were pretty much created by a God to have this one seemingly life altering feature about you that actually means you’re destined for greatness. Bit of a test of these other reindeer too, this is how you treat he I have delivered unto you?!

So, now that we have some meddlesome reindeer getting in the way, Winterbolt sets off on some longwinded and convoluted plan that involves Rudolph and Frosty going to a 4th of July circus in order to trick Rudolph into committing an evil act that will void Lady Boreal’s magic. Plus, he gives Frosty and family some amulets that will prevent them from melting but only up until the last firework fades. And to do all this he uses some sort of magic snow which can implant ideas in peoples heads? So he gets this ice cream guy to encourage Rudolph and Frosty to be in the show to boost ticket sales and help his girlfriend. This guy by the way rides around in a hot air balloon and keeps a supply of ice cream at the North Pole. Dude, it’s called a freezer.

I love how they make this big thing about what an attraction Rudolph will be but his act is literally him standing in the middle of the tent, they use a fog machine on him and he uses his nose to shine through the fog. Then he just flies away. I mean, I suppose just having a flying reindeer is pretty spectacular in and of itself but give them a little more for their money, tell a joke or something.

This whole middle portion of the movie is a bit of a drag though. Just really boring and full of filler songs about the circus. I don’t know why this movie is as long as it is at like 98 mins. If you trimmed it down you’d have something a lot more solid. I’d say the one highlight in this portion is when Winterbolt goes to what seems to be this movies equivalent of a doss house and finds this really shady reindeer he can use to trick Rudolph. Just seeing this evil genius in Winterbolt interacting with this scuzzy landlord and finding this bum reindeer is just really weird.

There’s a neat version of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree too. Has this slight country, Dolly Parton feel to it and is a bit more uptempo than the original.

I was pretty disappointed during this whole section and was worried that it would end up like Frosty but it won me back again in the end by tapping into some of that uncharacteristic dark Christmas feel that Rudolph had. Where that was more cynical, this gets oddly morbid.

Like, the plan is for Santa to swing by and pick up Frosty and family in order to take them back to the North Pole before the fireworks finish so they don’t melt. Frosty is still really antsy though and is keen to duck out, even if that means missing the fireworks. Bizarrely, his kids question him on this and ask him what kind of patriot he is. I guess I never really thought of Frosty being American like that but I guess they did refer to him as having just being born when they put that hat on him. Plus he’s always saying ‘Happy birthday!’ when he wakes up so you could say he was born in America. Only trouble is, Winterbolt has whipped up a ferocious storm that means Santa is heavily delayed.

So you get these scenes of Frosty, his wife and kids all coming to terms with their own fragile mortality as they watch these 100 fireworks going off one by one, with each rocket flying into the sky acting like another grain of sand in the egg timer of their life, another second ticking away toward their impending doom. Just these kids looking up to their mother and telling her that they promise they’ll be brave...oh my God.

Or Rudolph having to give a false confession to stealing the takings from the circus in exchange for Winterbolt keeping the amulets powers going so that Frosty wont melt. Only Frosty knows the real truth, so everyone just shuns Rudolph. His friends turn their back on him, the crowd boo him and his nose wont light up anymore. Cue a mournful Rudolph solo which culminates in him crying as he sticks his nose in some glitter trying to replicate the beaming light it once gave off. Poor little guy.

But apparently not everyone has given up on Rudolph becomes he comes... a whale with a clock on it?! Apparently this guy was in one of the Rudolph films that came before this, just what in the hell did I miss?

Even after a showdown between Rudolph and Winterbolt where Rudolph gets Frosty’s hat back, Winterbolt is still out for vengeance and comes to the circus for a final showdown. To which the lady that runs the circus has the most appropriate response possible...

Reach for the skies, pilgrim! Only, her guns are just props that fire blanks so she just hurls the guns at Winterbolt and they promptly shatter his magic staff and he turns into a tree. Ooooooookay then.

I feel like Lady Boreal could have saved us a lot of hassle if she’d put Winterbolt to sleep and then took his staff away rather than just leaving it laying around for him to use again when he finally awoke.

For a second there in the middle I thought that this would be more of a Frosty than a Rudolph but it redeemed itself a bit by the end. Probably not quite to the levels of Rudolph but I enjoyed the bookends of it. If they’d cut some of the middle out and kept it under an hour, I’d be a lot happier with it. Apparently there’s another Rudolph movie that came out in the early 2000’s that revists a lot of those characters from the first one so I’m really tempted to watch that as well but I feel like I already rode my luck here and I’d really tarnish my positive memories of the original by watching a cheap cash in. I probably will just watch it anyway though so I guess we’ll find out next year.

[ambitionsource]

AMBITION Season 2 ♫ “Cold Comfort” [ 2.05 ]

CREATED BY Esther (rapunzles) & Maggie (quincywillows) || S2 Tag || Official Page

ON THIN ICE – The holiday season brings less cheer than usual as reality settles in with the winter. New traditions replace the old. Invitations to the Matthews’ annual holiday party are extended to all, but a select few are left out in the cold.

58 Minutes (14K words) || No warnings apply.

[ ← Valerie De La Cruz ] [ S2 Synopsis ] [ How the Twinks Saved Christmas → ]

( Follow along with the music on Spotify here! )

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Christmas Time Is Here” as performed by Vince Guaraldi Trio || Performed by AAA Juniors

Flurries are falling over a chilly grey Manhattan, winter descending upon the city. With winter break right on the horizon, the vocals of the junior class set the mood for what is certain to be an uneven holiday season.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - RILEY’S ROOM - DAY

RILEY MATTHEWS is feeling that uncertainty as she finishes addressing and sealing invitations for the annual Matthews holiday party. She’s got a sizable stack for her classmates in a pile on her desk, just finishing off the last few. She scribbles Clarissa’s name on the top of one and adds it to the stack, methodically moving to the next one.

As she continues to work, a montage shows us little glimpses of how other homes are looking around this time of year...

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - DAY

The Hart apartment is cozy but empty, both its inhabitants out on the grind. No decorations are up within the place, which seems off.

INT. MINKUS HOME - DAY

The Minkus home is in the process of being lavishly decorated for the winter and Jewish holiday season, but its only the help participating. Although the aura gives the appearance of being festive, none of the Minki are around to appreciate it.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY

A collection of cutely wrapped gifts has begun to accumulate at the foot of a pretty Christmas tree in the Babineaux living room, JADA BABINEAUX home for winter break and in the process of adding some to the pile.

INT. FOSTER HOME - DAY

No such room for gifts at the foster home, where a gorgeous fir tree takes precedence in the living room but has no collection of gifts to go with it. Instead, letters addressed to each of the foster kids dots the tree like ornaments, presumably holding pricey but thoughtless gifts inside.

INT. GARDNER HOME - DAY

The Gardner home is elegantly curated for the most important time of year, ELEANOR GARDNER putting the finishing touches on the garland and stocking arrangement over the fireplace. She also touches up the glass miniature set of the birth of Jesus set up on the mantle, not one detail out of place.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - DAY

At the Friar apartment, nothing is different. The place is quiet and dark, and the window to Lucas’s fire escape is open even with the frigid weather.

INT. ERIC’S APARTMENT - DAY

ERIC MATTHEWS pulls a rack of cookies out of the oven, frantically blowing to cool them off and dropping them on the stovetop. Behind him, gift bags with the names of his fellow faculty wait to be filled in preparation for the last day of school.

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - DAY

JACK HUNTER decorates his apartment with simple but sweet touches, SHAWN HUNTER and ANGELA MOORE playfully arguing in the background over where their old stockings should go. Jack seems to have a moment of melancholy, before he’s pulled out of it by ANNE MARIE WINTHROP approaching from behind and giving him a peck on the cheek. She hands him a mug of hot chocolate, which he accepts.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - RILEY’S BEDROOM - DAY

Riley hesitates on the last couple of invitations, all sealed and ready to go but not bearing names. It’s clear she’s debating whether or not to address them at all, glancing up at her rather blank moodboard for guidance. It doesn’t have any, obviously, so she’ll have to make her own call.

Determined, Riley quickly writes the last two question marks on the envelopes -- Lucas and Farkle. Then she adds them to the top of the pile, tying it together with a piece of twine and heading out.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Riley makes her way down the street to the mailbox, snowflakes catching in her hair. She stands in front of it for a long moment, gazing down at the invitations and attempting to swallow the last of her trepidation.

Then she drops the stack into the mailbox, shutting it and fast-walking back up the street to escape the cold.

Cue title sequence.

This episode, much like the Les Mis one of the first season, takes on a slightly different structure than usual. It unfolds in miniature vignettes, capturing the unique experiences of each of our main players as first semester comes to a close.

Between each story, a small quote indicates a transition in time and focus. So, over black:

PART I There’s a world outside your window, and it’s a world of dread and fear. And the only bells that chime there are the clanging chimes of doom...

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Even with the uncertain mood permeating the junior class, the atmosphere still feels festive. Lockers are decorated for students’ respective holidays, and with only a day left of class, energy is higher than usual. Students from all different grades greet one another in the halls, dressed in their most cozy-looking apparel and exchanging small gifts.

LUCAS FRIAR is at his locker, evidently not in the same spirit. He looks as disgruntled as usual, fighting with one of his notebooks before just tossing it down in the bottom and calling it a day.

However, he’s got forces working against him to bring the holiday cheer. He jumps when ASHER GARCIA and DYLAN ORLANDO pop up next to him, slamming his locker closed and launching into a goofy, pitchy duet of the opening tones of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” They point to one another as they sing the name “Dasher,” Lucas unable to hold back a smile.

Lucas: You did it, mission accomplished. I’m officially anti-Christmas.

They jeer at him, knowing his whole dismissal is a facade. The two of them seem more than ready for the season, Asher looking sharp and cozy in a burgundy cardigan and Dylan in what might be the most outlandish holiday sweater ever manufactured.

Lucas: [ to Asher ] You look like adolescent Mr. Rogers. [ to Dylan ] And you look like Buddy the Elf.

Dylan, happily: That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.

They go on to ask him what the plan is for the techie party this year is, but Lucas claims he doesn’t know. He isn’t even sure they’re still doing it.

Asher: What? We can’t not do it. It’s tradition.

Lucas: We’ve done it, what, two years? That’s not a tradition.

Dylan: Well, not with that attitude.

The three of them begin walking to class, Lucas expressing that the planning for the party usually falls on Isadora. So they should maybe ask her -- oh, but wait, they can’t, because she’s far too busy hanging with her new diva cult to think about it.

Dylan: [ to Asher ] There’s a cult?

Asher: No, it’s just a -- don’t worry about it.

Dylan: I’m not worried, I’m offended. I thought we were going to start one first.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

The full A class is assembled on stage, waiting for Shawn and Harper to arrive for announcements regarding the last days before winter break. As they’re hanging around, DAVE WILLIAMS has the eye to point out Lucas’s newest aesthetic feature.

Dave: Hey, man, nice new kicks.

They’re the boots he was eyeing in the store window during Thanksgiving break. He thanks Dave smugly, ISADORA DE LA CRUZ tuning into the conversation and frowning. She knows damn well Lucas can’t afford new shoes, let alone ones like that… she makes eye contact with Riley across the circle, who is wearing a similar skeptical expression.

Harper finally arrives, giving the basic low down of some non-stressful last few days activities they plan to do. Shawn jogs in a few moments later, stating after Harper’s dismissed them into small groups that he needs to meet with the techies separately.

Asher and Dylan look to Lucas, curious if he knows what’s up. He shrugs, the three of them marching off with the rest of the crew to their usual spot in the back.

Once they’ve settled into the chairs in the back center section, Shawn stands in front of them and begins his explanation. He speaks with uncharacteristic hesitancy, so it’s evident that whatever he’s about to tell them isn’t going to be good news. And it’s decidedly not -- he informs them that the technician’s booth will be shut down and off-limits until further notice. They aren’t allowed inside.

All of the techies are shocked by this, pointing out how that’s going to impact their work and wondering how long it’s going to be in effect -- but Lucas is downright feral. He’s the loudest opposition out of all of them, asking how the hell they’re supposed to do their jobs and stating there can’t be a good reason for this. As Shawn notes, however, they’re literally a day away from winter break so they won’t be doing much work anyway.

When Lucas presses on why the mandate was laid down, all eyes turn expectantly to Shawn. He stammers out an explanation about new equipment, claiming they’re running on old juice and it’ll be great for all of them to get some better upgrades.

JEFF MONROE and the others seem somewhat excited about this, but Lucas remains unconvinced. He grits his teeth as Shawn continues on with announcements, already thinking ahead.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - LUCAS’S ROOM - NIGHT

Ousted back into his reluctant abode rather than recluse in the booth, Lucas is cramped in his bedroom with the door locked tight. The window is still open to let in the cold but fresh air, Lucas slouched on the floor in front of his mattress. He’s wearing a worn-out Knicks sweatshirt, an outdated behemoth of a laptop computer on his lap as he squints in the dark.

His focus shifts as his phone lights up with a text from Isadora. She heard about the booth, and is just checking in to see if he’s okay or if there’s any way she can help in the meantime. Lucas opts to ignore it, tossing his phone back down and getting back to work.

On the computer, he’s deep on a web search looking up the models of their equipment in the booth. Based on what he can tell, most of the stuff they have in there is already updated to the latest model. All of this is way too fishy, and he’s not buying a second of it.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Lucas sneaks into the school at the crack of dawn the next morning, still wearing the same sweatshirt and his hair stuffed under a beanie rather than his usual snapback for warmth. He makes his way up to the booth, taking the stairs two at a time.

He takes a moment to make sure no one is around, and then swiftly picks the lock into the booth and breaks inside.

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

From what he can tell, everything looks about the same as he left it. He goes to get a good look around, double-checking his list of their equipment and his theorized models, confirming his suspicion that the upgraded equipment excuse was a lie. His fellow techies may not notice, but he spends far too much time in the booth to be fooled.

When he goes to check his usual nook, he’s stunned to find that the panel he usually takes out of the wall has been screwed shut. No more easy removal of it. Lucas curses to himself, checking in the other hiding places where he’d keep his overnight stuff and finding nothing.

Everything is gone.

Starting to panic, Lucas’s attention drifts to a safety notice that has been taped up above the paneling. It reads like an inspection notice, stating that the current area has suffered a “pest infestation” and needs to be fumigated and closed off until further notice. Case in point, the real reason they aren’t allowed in the booth.

Lucas scowls, ripping the notice off the wall in a fury.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

The notice is slammed down on Jack’s desk, Lucas hardly able to contain his emotions as he meets with him.

Lucas: This? Is bullshit.

Jack takes the notice from him, making a comment about how he wonders how Lucas got his hands on it. Oh, no, silly him. Of course he just disregarded a mandate from his teacher and barged his way into the booth anyway.

Jack, deadpan: Glad to see we’re remaining consistent right up until the last breath of the semester.

Lucas isn’t in the mood for jokes. Whatever sort of authoritarian bureaucratic fuckery this is, it’s all wrong. They don’t have the right to bar them from one of their most important spaces when they don’t even have a legitimate reason for doing so.

Lucas: I have been in that booth for hundreds of hours -- I practically live in it -- and not once have I seen what I would consider a “pest.” Can’t even make a joke about Minkus or Hart, since we make a point of keeping them out of there. This is unfounded.

Jack: And you can’t trust the authorities in your life that perhaps there is a reason?

Lucas: When all of their excuses so far have been absolute crap? Actually, no, I can’t.

Jack caves, raising his hands in surrender. Lucas wants the truth? Fine. The infestation referred to on the notice isn’t about mice or vermin -- janitor Harley informed him that he discovered evidence that someone or someones might be staying in the booth. That’s a major no-no, not to mention a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Lucas does his best to keep his expression neutral. He continues to stammer for more arguments, but for what it’s worth Jack can see right through him.

Lucas: You can’t just do this based on a suspicion! You don’t even have proof!

Jack: Proof? You really want proof?

Lucas: Well, since you don’t have any --

Jack: Fine!

Jack rises from his desk, going to the small storage closet in his office. He retrieves a full duffle bag of things -- the items recovered from the booth when Harley stumbled upon it. He drops it on the desk, watching Lucas’s expression as it shifts from aggressive to stunned.

Jack: These were the items Harley found in the booth. Look familiar?

Lucas: … I --

Jack: Think they should. I’m fairly certain they belong to you.

Checkmate. Jack knows Lucas was the one staying in the booth, and he knows that’s why he’s taking this whole thing so personally.

Still, he responds with empathy. He attempts to get Lucas to talk about what’s going on, or how long this has been a thing, but such difficult conversations can quickly go nowhere. And with Lucas’s current emotional state, that’s exactly what happens. He lashes out instead, shutting down rather than taking Jack’s offers of help.

So Jack has to switch approaches as well, warning Lucas that he cannot keep doing things like this. His behavior is increasingly causing more issues, and with certain people keeping their eyes on the school this is not the time to be lighting more matches. He can’t continue to look out for him if he’s going to take advantage of it at every turn.

Lucas, defensive: Then don’t. News flash, I don’t care about this stupid school!

Jack tries to get him to stop and actually talk, but Lucas is over it. He scoops his things off the desk -- confirming they are in fact his, to Jack’s clear dismay -- and storms out of the office.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Lucas is attempting to stuff some of the things in his locker, any holiday cheer that he may have picked up earlier in the day long gone. Dylan and Asher come to find him again, obviously concerned by his palpable anger and wondering how he’s handling being kicked out of the booth.

Not well, obviously. Dylan tries to say something to cheer him up, but Lucas isn’t hearing it. He’s gathering his things into the duffle.

Asher: Well, hanging out with the crew will make you feel better. We’ll be able to figure out the plan for the holiday --

Lucas, harshly: Pretty sure the party’s off, spaghetti. Not that it fucking matters anyway.

Lucas slams his locker, marching down the hall. Asher and Dylan call after him, wondering where the hell he’s going.

Lucas: Anywhere but here. I’m taking winter break early.

Asher tries to get him to stop, but he’s already gone. The two of them exchange worried looks.

EXT. AAA - DAY

As Lucas is jogging down the steps, he gets a call from Isadora. She asks where the hell he is before class. He brushes off the concern, and when she changes the subject and asks about the techie party plans, he snaps. He states it’s funny that she’s bothering to ask, but she’s wasting her time. He doesn’t feel much like celebrating, and he won’t be participating this year.

Isadora: Lucas, are you kidding? You can’t just bail. If you don’t do the break-in, then what are we supposed to do?

Lucas: Oh, you’ll figure it out without me. You’ve gotten really good at that.

Lucas hangs up before Isadora can respond, stuffing his phone in his pocket. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the icy air and running the rest of the way down the steps. As far away from AAA as he can get, as fast as possible.

PART II Merry Christmas, darling, we’re apart that’s true, But I can dream, and in my dreams I’m Christmas-ing with you…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

While Lucas is accosted by Dylan and Asher in the background and they launch into “Rudolph,” we’re now following ZAY BABINEAUX as he makes his way through the halls with his duffle. He nods to friends as he passes them, high-fives with YINDRA AMINO as they cross paths outside the black box. But his destination that morning is a bit further away, a quick stop before the rest of the school day unfolds…

INT. AAA - DANCE STUDIO - DAY

He makes it to his and Charlie’s usual studio just as CHARLIE GARDNER is wrapping up a routine, totally focused on the choreography. Zay takes a moment to watch, leaning against the doorframe with a fond smile on his face.

Once he’s done, Charlie whips around and spots Zay. He reacts in surprise at first, claiming he scared him and wondering why the hell he’s just hanging in the doorway when he should’ve just come in. He could’ve easily stopped the run through. Zay brushes it off, sauntering in as Charlie excitedly claims he has something to show him.

He retrieves something from the front pocket of his backpack, turning back and giving Zay a grin and eyebrow raise. When he prompts him to go on, Charlie enthusiastically dangles his key ring between them, now bearing a new car key.

Charlie: Early Christmas present from the folks. I mean, I’m still terrified to use it, but now the option exists. [ with a nudge ] Maybe now you can stop having to drive to and from Queens all the time and I can save you the trouble.

Zay: Whew, Santa, baby. You’re giving me an extravagant gift just from gas money savings alone.

Charlie cracks up, returning the keys to his backpack. Zay takes the opportunity to shift gears, dropping down to unzip his duffle bag. Speaking of gifts… he may have a thing or two for him. Charlie is caught off-guard, claiming he wasn’t expecting a gift exchange. He can’t possibly accept something from him. It wouldn’t be fair.

But Zay is too darn cute to refuse, and he assures him it’s not a big deal. The first thing he presents is a slip of paper, which he brandishes with a flourish as he hands it to Charlie.

Upon closer inspection, it’s revealed to be a coupon for all-he-can-eat French fries at their Queens diner. Charlie laughs again, nodding appreciatively.

Charlie: Okay, okay. If this is what you meant, then I guess me braving my fear of the New York roads to see you is equal enough.

Zay: Hey, that’s a steal of a coupon you’ve got there. Don’t take that generosity lightly. [ a beat ] And there might be… one more piece.

Before Charlie can argue, Zay drops down and grabs his last gift. It’s a bundle wrapped in newspaper. Charlie gives him an eyebrow raise as Zay encourages him to unwrap it, clasping his hands together in front of him.

The newspaper falls away, and suddenly Charlie finds himself holding one of Zay’s sweatshirts.

His expression shifts from playful to something softer, obviously not sure how to react. He holds it delicately in his fingers, lightly shaking his head.

Charlie: Zay…

Zay: Ah, no, don’t worry. I’ve already thought about everything you could possibly say. I’ve thought it all through. I picked the best one based on which would be least likely to raise eyebrows, as well as one you could conceivably have in your own wardrobe... you know, if you ever shopped anywhere other than the GAP for once.

[ Charlie can’t help but laugh. He unfolds the sweatshirt a little bit more as Zay continues his explanation. ]

Zay: It’s also one of my newer ones, so it’s just broken in enough that it’s like, me, but not worn in enough that it would seem like a hand me down. You can easily say to anyone that asks that you just bought it. I really only wear it around the house, so as long as you don’t wear it at my place of living, you should be all clear.

Charlie: What made you think of this?

Zay: Well… I know that this is exactly the kind of thing you’d like to have, but wouldn’t ask for on your own. Thusly… happy holidays, Chuckles.

And he’s exactly right about that. It’s a thoughtful gift for a couple who has been together for six months, even in secret, and it’s more than clear how much it means to Charlie.

Charlie, sincerely: It’s perfect. [ hugging it ] Thank you.

Zay gives him a nod, smiling brightly. Charlie goes on to apologize again, feeling bad that he didn’t try and figure out something similar to give him. Zay assures him that it’s fine, but subtly suggests that he might have a solution.

Zay: You can always make it up to me… by coming over for dinner.

Although the aversion is pointedly less strong than it was even a couple episodes ago, Charlie is still freaked by the suggestion. He claims he can’t do that, but Zay attempts to change his mind by explaining the full context -- his mom is super into like, knowing his friends, and she wants to have an evening during winter break where he invites some of his closest over for a casual dinner sort of thing. His parents are super friendly and not at all suspicious, and considering how often he talks about Charlie they wouldn’t think anything of it if he were in attendance. In fact, it might be weirder for him to not be there.

But that’s not enough. There’s something in Charlie, deeply rooted inside him somewhere, that cannot wrap his head around such a possibility without thinking about the implications. He sticks by his original answer, despite how much it hurts to do so.

Zay tries not to let the rejection sting, but his disappointment is getting harder to hide. The longer they’re together, the more he has to wonder if things are ever going to change the way he keeps hoping they will. He understands, of course, but at what point is it going to get easier? If it ever does?

Zay: Kind of ironic, isn’t it? Most wonderful time of the year, and we’re still so stuck.

The comment isn’t said harshly, but it makes its point. Charlie tries to say something to fix it, but comes up short. Zay walks away before he can stop him, stepping out of reach as he tries to take his arm.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Blue Christmas” as performed by Glee Cast || Performed by Zay Babineaux

Zay emerges into the hall, launching into the bluesy holiday classic. His voice is heavy with emotion as he saunters through the school, passing by other classmates and friends already reveling in the joy of the season and welcoming the incoming freedom of break together.

More to the point, it’s as if Zay can’t escape the echoes of what it is he most desperately wants. He passes by other students in romantic relationships openly being together, exchanging gifts, joking about mistletoe, making holiday plans. Dylan and Asher fall into giddy laughter by the latter’s locker, Asher nudging him lightly before pulling him into a kiss.

By the time he gets to the last verse, he’s returned to his locker. Across the hall, Charlie is at his, exchanging a quick chat with HALEY FISHER and CLARISSA CRUZ before they saunter off to class. The distance between them is suffocating, in spite of how close they are in every other way.

Elvis and any other performer have no idea what longing means compared to Isaiah Babineaux. He leans against the wall of lockers and watches Charlie disappear around the corner without a second glance. Then he adjusts and tilts his head back against the cold metal, crooning out the last few notes as the piano takes us out.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - DAY

Winter break kicks off, the front door to the Babineaux home opening to find Riley, Yindra, and MAYA HART there on the doorstep. They cheerfully greet Zay, exchanging hugs with him as they step inside. DONNA BABINEAUX is quick to come greet them, explaining that she just started on food and that Omar and Jada should be home soon.

Maya and Riley head to the living room, Donna hanging by the door and asking Zay if they’re expecting anyone else. What she means, naturally, is are they still waiting for one more. Zay shrugs, trying to cover his ill feelings.

Zay: Wouldn’t count on it.

He follows his friends into the living room without further comment, Donna giving him a curious look as he goes.

INT. GARDNER HOME - LIVING ROOM - DAY

As is tradition in the Gardner household, the children are assembled to decorate the tree together. ROSAMUND GARDNER is hard at work, determining where each ornament should go while DAISY GARDNER unwraps them from their tissue paper and hands them off.

Charlie is supposed to be on box duty -- retrieving the new boxes from the storage bin and passing them to Daisy -- but he’s sort of slacking on the job. He’s zoned out, lost in his own head and turning a baby angel over in his fingers absentmindedly.

He’s broken out of his fugue by a soft ornament to the face, Daisy remarking that he’s not being very much help. He tosses it back at her, snarkily excusing himself as he pushes to his feet. Daisy and Rosie watch him go, once again observers to his unusual behavior.

Daisy: What’s up with him?

Rosie, wisely: Testosterone.

INT. GARDNER HOME - KITCHEN - DAY

Charlie enters as his mother is busy slaving away, baking an assortment of holiday cookies for the upcoming festivities. She greets him cheerfully, passing a peanut butter drop cookie towards him from fresh off the rack. She knows how they’re his favorite.

He accepts it gratefully, breaking off a piece and taking a bite. He glances towards the refrigerator, where Riley’s invitation is hanging. He tentatively asks whether or not it would be okay for him to attend the party. Eleanor checks out of the baking zone, glancing at the invitation again and reading it over before granting him permission. It doesn’t conflict with any of their family plans, and Riley has always seemed like a wonderful girl and good friend to him. It would be rather rude of him to decline the invitation when she took the time to invite him, now wouldn’t it? You know, a good friend like Riley…

Implications of how his family thinks of Riley aside, Charlie searches for a change of subject. On the subject of their family plans, he softly questions whether or not Bridgette will be coming home for Christmas this year. Even though she’s not facing him, it’s obvious that the query catches Eleanor off-guard. She tries to skirt it, her nonchalance kind of pissing Charlie off.

Charlie, curtly: Was she even invited?

Eleanor: [ with shocked disappointment ] Charles.

For as quickly as the boldness shot through him, it’s zapped away even faster. He avoids his mother’s gaze, pushing away from the counter and claiming he needs to go call Riley to let her know he can come.

INT. GARDNER HOME - CHARLIE’S ROOM - DAY

Safely hidden away in his room, Charlie leans back against the door and hides his head in his hands. Trying to get a grip on his emotions, which seem to be fluctuating more than ever nowadays. Too bad he has no idea how to settle them.

Well… maybe that’s not entirely true. A thought strikes him, Charlie going over to his duffle bag and digging through his school things. He finds what he’s looking for, grabbing Zay’s sweatshirt and holding it out in front of him.

After a moment, he pulls it on over his head.

Not an instant cure all, but maybe a little bit better. Charlie adjusts it on his shoulders, flopping onto his bed and staring at the ceiling. Lost in the way he wants things to be, not certain how to make them so or if he even has the courage to follow through if he did. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and crossing his arms like he’s hugging himself.

As if with the sweatshirt, it’ll be like he’s hugging him.

PART III Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams, I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams…

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Maya and Isadora are in the dressing room together, hanging out before theater lab. While Maya has definitely noticed that Katy has been so weird about money lately, she’s found a new way to spin it in her head that makes it seem like a positive rather than a negative.

Maya: It’s totally some kind of surprise thing. Like a big present for the holidays. Tickets to a Broadway show, or maybe even a trip. God, how cool would it be to go to like… Los Angeles? The Hart women take L.A.

Perhaps a new level of delusion. Isadora doesn’t look sold on the idea, but she doesn’t want to burst her friend’s bubble either. Maya takes her expression as a lack of interest in L.A., lamenting that she’s been there dozens of times to see Valerie, so of course she doesn’t find it all that impressive. She’s jaded to the west coast allure.

Isadora: Ah, yes, the allure of smog and snail trail traffic is truly irresistible…

Maya gives her a look, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Case in point, what Maya wouldn’t give to explore the other entertainment hub of the world. And maybe, if the way they’ve been siphoning away money is any clue, she just might get her wish.

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

That night, Maya takes the straight-forward approach in pitching this take to KATY HART. She jokingly asks her when they’re going to stop playing charades, when she’s going to reveal whatever the big secret is. Although Katy continues to act aversive and Maya plays along, it’s clear from the way Katy doesn’t want to talk about it that it won’t be a trip to Los Angeles. Clear to everyone except Maya, who has rooted herself into a state of denial.

Only one more night before winter freedom, Maya declares, giving her mother a kiss on the head and fluttering off to bed. Katy watches her go, a wistful expression on her face. Suddenly, she’s looking all around the apartment with a similar emotion -- it might be a dump, but it’s home. It’s where she’s gotten to raise her daughter, the most important thing in the world.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Slipping Through My Fingers” as performed by Mamma Mia! Original Movie Cast || Performed by Katy Hart (feat. Maya Hart)

Katy gently slips into this nostalgic power ballad, continuing to roam the extent of their small apartment. As she goes, small glimpses of flashbacks come into focus, featuring her and Maya as she grew up through the years. A toddler Maya running away from the bathtub as Katy chases after her, wrapping her in a towel and cuddling her close; the two of them singing together as they make dinner together when Maya is in elementary school; a middle school Maya in her leotard, showing off a routine she just learned in dance class to a fond and proud Katy.

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - DAY

The song continues into the next morning, Maya getting ready for the last day of the semester. Katy offers to braid her hair specially in a crown around her head, the two of them sharing laughter as she does so. As Maya heads out for school, she blows a kiss to Katy.

Once Maya is gone, the tone of the piece seems to shift somewhat. Katy begins taking things down, packing certain things away in boxes in her room. She grows tearful as she goes, having to take moments to step away from it.

INT. AAA - DANCE STUDIO - DAY

Maya takes her verse while rehearsing in the dance studio, the thought of whatever might be going on with her mother obviously distracting her. When she turns to face the mirrors, she envisions Katy standing there behind her, encouraging her to keep her chin high and smile on. The exercise works like a charm, Maya going back to run the routine again.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

As song floats through the final verse, Katy wanders the halls of AAA. It’s a bit unprecedented for her to be there, but it’s clear she’s on a mission.

INT. AAA - CORY’S CLASSROOM - DAY

Katy lightly knocks, surprising CORY MATTHEWS from grading papers. He greets her happily, wondering what would’ve brought her all the way to AAA.

From the way her eyes are glossed over with tears, it’s not going to be for anything good.

Katy: I hate to do this, but… I need to ask a major favor.

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - EXTERIOR HALL - DAY

Maya is on the phone with Riley as she walks home, confirming that she’ll be at the party.

Maya: Why you decided to mail invitations like we’re in the 1930s, I have no idea, but you do you babe.

After she hangs up, she takes a second to eye their bare apartment door. Then she unlocks the door, stepping inside.

INT. MAYA’S APARTMENT - DAY

Katy is already waiting at the kitchen table when Maya enters, nervously twisting her fingers. Maya doesn’t catch her demeanor right away, commenting that it’s a bit weird they haven’t put up their wreath yet. Or any decorations, really. Maybe they should get on that, with the holiday right around the corner?

Katy, timidly: I don’t think we’re going to be able to do that this year, baby girl.

The moment she hears her tone, Maya immediately loses her teasing attitude. She grows more serious, asking what’s wrong as dread creeps into the room. Katy gets up from the table and guides Maya to sit with her on their couch, indicating there’s more to say.

That’s also when Maya realizes Cory is there with them. He rises from his seat in the arm chair to greet her, but his presence just makes her more confused and thusly, more nervous. She continues to ask Katy what the hell is going on, bordering on panic.

Maya: Mom, what is he doing here? What the hell is going on? Mom --

Katy shushes her, trying to keep it together for her sake. She goes on to explain the situation as coherently as she can -- the diner isn’t making ends meet anymore. They’ve been struggling to pay bills for months. She tried to find additional work beyond the two jobs she already has, but there’s not enough time and she doesn’t have enough credit to her name.

The bottom line is, they can’t afford to live in this apartment anymore. She can’t afford to stay in the city right now.

In an instant, Maya is in tears. She’s shocked, bewildered, and bubbling with millions of questions. How could this happen? Why didn’t she tell her? She could’ve picked up a job, she could’ve helped search. But the true question rises eventually -- what about AAA? How is anything going to work the way she’s known it her entire life if they’re moving away?

This is where Cory steps into the conversation. With prompting from Katy, he calmly explains that they’re extending the invitation for her to come move in with them. Now that Topanga has moved out and they’re rearranging things anyway, they have more than enough room and would be happy to have her.

It’s a nice sentiment, and Maya appreciates it. But… she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want to leave this place, and she for sure doesn’t want to be apart from Katy. She stammers out as much as she’s overcome with tears, Katy pulling her into a tight hug as she starts to cry as well.

Katy: I know, baby, I know. But it’ll work out. In time, it’ll work out. And you need to be here. You need to be here shining your brightest, I’m not gonna let all this take you away from that. [ pushing some hair out of her face and wiping her tears ] The dream is priceless. We’re not letting you let it go for any reason.

Maya nods, but she’s still crying. The two of them embrace again, dreading the moment they’ll have to let go.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Maya drops the last of her things in the sparse master bedroom, all of Cory’s things having been moved and Riley’s stuff scattered in the process of moving. Cory explains that with Topanga vacating and Maya moving in, the two girls could share the master given that he won’t be needing nearly as much space for himself.

He leaves her alone to settle in with a pat on the shoulder. She waits for him to go, closing the door behind her. She starts to go to her suitcase and unpack, but can’t bring herself to do it. Her hands are shaking. Somehow, her entire world has turned upside down.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Home” as performed by Beauty and the Beast Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Maya Hart (starting at 00:40)

In this moment, nothing matters other than Maya’s vocals. It’s one of her most powerful, wrenching performances to date, nothing in the unsettled space to distract from how raw the experience feels. She’s truly lost the feeling of home, and she has no idea if she’s ever going to find it again.

She settles into the undecorated bay window as the number peters out, tears shining in her eyes as she gazes out at her new view of the city. Snow falls gently outside the windows, the melancholy captured in Maya’s reflection through the glass as the screen fades to black.

PART IV They’re singing “Deck the Halls,” but it’s not like Christmas at all, ‘Cause I remember when you were here, and all the fun we had last year…

INT. AAA - PRACTICE ROOM - DAY

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “River” as performed by Glee Cast || Performed by Farkle Minkus

Picking up with soft piano where Maya left off, Farkle demonstrates his piano skills again as he practices alone. His solitude seems to echo off the walls, dominating the performance despite how great his voice is as always. The lyrics speak to his feelings aptly enough, although if he wasn’t saying them under the guise of practice he likely wouldn’t be expressing them at all.

Charlie pops in just as he wraps up, claiming that they’re getting ready to close the building for break and they have to head out. Farkle thanks him for the heads up, gathering his things. Before he goes, Charlie takes the second to wish him happy holidays.

Farkle nods and offers a tight smile, but it’s gone as soon as Charlie is out of sight. It’s clear he’s more of the opinion of like… is it? Are they, really, happy holidays?

Slinging his bag over his shoulder as he leaves, he flicks off the light and sends the practice room into darkness.

INT. MINKUS HOME - DAY

Farkle’s invitation to Riley’s party has arrived, sitting on the top of the pile of mail sitting on the counter by the doorway.

As JENNIFER MINKUS bustles in with URI MINKUS and EZRA MINKUS, one of them accidentally rams into the stack and knocks it to the floor. Jennifer chides both of them, guiding Ezra into the suite and requesting of Uri that he clean them up.

Headphones in and obviously annoyed, Uri flips through the first few and determines they’re all junk. He scoops all of it -- including the invitation -- into his hands to promptly dumps it into the trash, absolving him of the burden without further ado.

INT. MINKUS HOME - FARKLE’S ROOM - DAY

Farkle slips back into his summer habits, reverting back to his appearance and slump of the start of the season. His hair is untidy and even wilder than before now that it’s grown more, and his baggy sweater is going to get worn out from overuse.

He spends a majority of the break sleeping, not feeling the motivation to get out or do much else. It’s what he’s preparing to do that afternoon, drawing his blinds shut from the pleasant view of snow falling over the city, when LILA MINKUS pokes her head in. She’s chewing on a granola bar, back from college for the holidays and distinctly unimpressed with his habits.

Lila: Are you really going to waste your entire winter break lazing around?

Farkle: Are you really going to spend your entire existence annoying the fuck out of me?

Lila: Real classy, germ. If you’re just going to do nothing, you could at least make yourself useful and help mom with holiday prep.

Point made, and hard to ignore. Farkle glances at his bed waiting for him so invitingly, sighing as he slouches out of the room to make his presence on this Earth worthwhile.

INT. MINKUS HOME - KITCHEN - NIGHT

That’s how he finds himself assisting his mother with dinner, plaintively cutting up vegetables as she attempts to keep up conversation with him. Given how lethargic he is he’s not all that talkative, but she does her best. She tries to gauge if he has any plans for the remainder of break.

Farkle: No.

Jennifer: Nothing?

Farkle: Just practicing.

Jennifer: Well, I’m sure your friends must have things going on. They can’t all be off on vacations or something. Why don’t you see if one of them wants to do something? [ a beat ] I’m sure that Maya --

Farkle: Trust me, they don’t.

This doesn’t sit well with Jennifer. It’s clear that whatever is going on with Farkle is concerning to her, but she doesn’t know how to confront it or figure out what the real trouble might be. So she continues to problem solve aloud.

Jennifer: I can see who isn’t going out of town, if we’re looking for company. [ excitedly ] Oh, you know who I should call? The Shapiros. I can see if Roberta is free sometime in the next couple weeks, God knows she could use the date --

Farkle, disturbed: No thanks, I’m fine, thank you!

A notification on Jennifer’s phone disrupts their discussion, prompting her to take her medication. She crosses the kitchen to the corner cabinet and sorts through an array of pills to take them dutifully, Farkle eyeing her as she goes through the motions.

He questions what she takes all those medications for, to which Jennifer gives him an offhand and brief run down of what ailments run in their family and what a pill cocktail they’ve got going on in that cabinet. She points out the fact that he might very well also be iron deficient with how sickly he’s felt lately, so she is going to have the doctor run a blood test when he goes in for his annual physical in the spring.

Commotion from the entryway pulls them out of the conversation, Ezra gleefully exclaiming something. Farkle and Jennifer exchange a look, making their way out of the kitchen.

INT. MINKUS HOME - NIGHT

STUART MINKUS has returned home with EZEKIEL MINKUS in tow, fresh from the airport and another successful semester at college. He enthusiastically greets Ezra and picks him up into a hug, joking that he has got to stop growing while he’s not around. Jennifer comes to shower him with affection, Stuart stepping past them and exchanging a playful look with Farkle at all the hubbub.

While the moment of attention from his father is a treasure, getting to see his favorite brother is a pretty sweet deal too. Ezekiel gestures him forward to meet him, wrapping him in a hug that Farkle eagerly accepts. For the brief moments that he’s fully surrounded by family and actually being acknowledged, Farkle seems to relax.

INT. MINKUS HOME - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The table is more lively than usual as family dinner progresses, Ezekiel acting as a lively contributor to the conversation and the mood considerably lighter given that Stuart is actually in attendance. Lila and Uri argue over something inane, Ezra jumping into any part of the discussion where he can manage to understand what’s being said.

Farkle doesn’t speak, but he isn’t nearly as pallid as he actually consumes his dinner. He smiles lightly as his father and older brother speak, simply glad to be back in their presence even if just as a spectator.

The room quiets a bit as Stuart lightly clinks his knife against his glass, getting all of the family to draw their attention to him. He expresses how happy he is to see the lot of them together again, how this year is always his favorite time of year -- and not just because the stocks are rising (ha ha ha, oh Stuart). He states how wonderful it is to have Ezekiel and Lila home for the holiday, and that he’s looking forward to video calling with Raziel later in the week all the way from Europe where he now resides.

Farkle starts to zone out when he begins lauding Ezekiel’s accomplishments and discussing what good fortunes are going on for their family, lasting much longer than Lila or Uri. However, he snaps back to attention when Stuart begins discussing early Hanukkah presents, simply because he calls Farkle out specifically.

Farkle: [ blinking out of his daze ] Huh?

Ezekiel watches with a knowing smile as Stuart goes on to explain the tradition they have within their family, as sons approach their sixteenth birthday. Given that Farkle’s is in just a couple of months, this year means it’s his turn to accept the early gift.

Stuart passes a small, long gift box across the table. It settles in front of Farkle, who picks it up as Lila watches derisively and Uri continues to stab at his green beans. Ezra leans over and practically climbs on top of Farkle to get a good look, bursting with excitement at the prospect of an early Hanukkah present.

Farkle opens the gift, surprised to find a specially made gold name plate with his name engraved into it. He takes it out and turns it over in his fingers, expression hard to read as he gets a good look. Ezra loses interest, going back to his food. Stuart begins a whole spiel about the tradition, how the name plate is -- in theory -- passed down to each young Minkus man who will go on to uphold the family legacy and invest in the family business.

A nice sentiment, but Farkle is a bit short on emotional bandwidth at the moment. He frowns, lifting his head to lock eyes with his father.

Farkle: What the hell am I supposed to do with this?

This is far from the traditional reaction. Jennifer scolds Farkle, Uri actually tuning into the conversation and Lila choking on her food to hold back a snort. But Stuart assures Jennifer that it’s fine, he just wasn’t clear about the purpose of the present.

Stuart, genially: It’s not so much functional as symbolic. It’s just meant to demonstrate how proud I am of you, and how excited I am for you to one day join me in the family business.

Farkle: But I’m… not. I’m not going into business.

To his credit, Stuart is a patient man. He nods, acknowledging Farkle’s current perspective with only a hint of condescension.

Stuart: Yes, we are all quite proud of the accomplishments you’ve made with the performing arts. [ off Farkle’s disbelieving expression ] I only mean for when you’re older, beginning to think more seriously about your future. When this performing fad passes --

Farkle: It’s not a fad. My passions are not a fad!

An argument unintentionally brews in the midst of all the tension, misguided good intentions and a frayed mental state making for a toxic combination. Stuart doesn’t appreciate Farkle’s waspish tone, turning the tables on him and asking what he expects his future to be then. At what point is he going to stop dreaming and start operating strategically? Farkle defends his ability to be strategic, pointing out that Stuart wouldn’t know what strides he’s making either way considering he’s never fucking around.

Jennifer attempts to end the open fire, but Stuart isn’t finished. He again reiterates the looming question of the future. What is Farkle’s grand plan, when all is said and done? This one stumps Farkle, as anything beyond living day-to-day has kind of felt unrealistic, and the actual notion of a capital-F future seems foggy. The truth is, he has no idea, and that sort of lack of preparedness is simply unacceptable.

While all eyes are on him for his response, Farkle pushes out of his seat and states he’s being excused. Stuart watches him go, immediately beginning to discuss with Jennifer in hushed tones what the hell that was all about. Ezekiel gives his father a comforting pat on the arm, reminding him that growth can take time.

Lila leans forward to pick up the name plate, looking at it with bland disinterest before offering it to Uri. He makes a face, swatting it away with his fork. Major pass.

INT. MINKUS HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

That night, Farkle is crashed on the couch and tuning out everything else. He’s distracting himself by continuing to reread The Great Gatsby, the cover and spine cracked and the pages crinkled from use. It’s not the first time he’s read the novel, not by a long shot.

Jennifer comes in to check on him, perching on the back of the couch and reading over his shoulder for a moment. She comments on whatever is going on in the book, to which he hums in response but doesn’t start a conversation. She changes the subject, getting his attention and trying to placate the situation from earlier. She explains that his father is proud of him, they all are, things just aren’t all that simple when don’t meet one another’s expectations. Farkle doesn’t seem bothered either way, but that’s more likely due to repression than an actual acceptance of complexities to the situation.

She gives him another fond look, leaning forward and brushing some hair from his forehead.

Jennifer: My talented boy. [ softly ] I love you.

Farkle returns the sentiment, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Jennifer gives him one last pat on the cheek before heading to bed, turning off the main lights and leaving Farkle illuminated by the lamp on the side table.

Farkle continues to read, slouching further into the couch. The grandfather clock standing against the wall continues to tick on, creating a lulling tempo…

INT. MINKUS HOME - LATER - NIGHT

The room has gone dark, the lamp suddenly out on the table. Farkle has dozed off on the couch, the clock no longer ticking. His arm is dangling off the couch, still holding the novel loosely in his fingers… inches from the hardwood…

He drops it, the moment it hits the floor waking him with a start. He rouses with a deep inhale, sitting up on his elbow and rubbing his eyes. When he realizes he fell asleep on the couch he sighs, falling back onto the cushions and throwing his arm over his eyes.

That’s when he hears the rustling.

He immediately stiffens, eyes open wide as he listens more carefully. The movement from somewhere deeper in the house continues, although it’s not coming from the hall where all his family are fast asleep. Someone else is in there with him, and it’s not anyone he can account for.

Cautiously, Farkle climbs off the couch and eases back towards the other end of the living room. He searches for a way to defend himself, taking the fireplace poker off its holder and flipping it in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he slowly begins to ease his way towards the entryway where the sound seems to be coming from… squaring his shoulders… ready to do some serious diva damage if necessary…

When he spots the figure of the intruder and raises his weapon to attack, the stranger spinning around to face him catches him by surprise. He shouts, stumbling backwards and blinking to make sure he’s not making this up.

Eric: Careful with that, Farkle! You’ll take someone’s eye out with that thing.

Farkle: [ in disbelief ] Counselor Eric? What the hell are you doing in my house?

It’s not quite Eric, see. It’s Dream!Eric. He ignores Farkle’s query, brushing it off and instructing him to drop his weapon of mass destruction. If he does so, then he’s more than welcome to follow him. He was just heading out.

Farkle rubs his eyes, but no. Eric is still there, stepping out into the main hall and on his merry way. Farkle hesitates, before letting the poker clatter to the floor and taking off after Eric.

INT. MINKUS HOME - ELEVATOR HALL - NIGHT

As Farkle catches up to his dream counselor, Eric asks him if he’s feeling blue this holiday season. Disconnected, out of sorts. Farkle offhandedly comments that he wouldn’t limit it to just this time of year. The two of them stop in front of the elevators.

Eric wisely states that often times, people feel immense pressure during the holiday season. Higher expectations, more socializing, and the sheer emphasis that this should be the most wonderful time of year can lead to it always falling short. Sometimes, you could do with a little reminder of what’s really important. Which Eric is happy to help with… if Farkle is willing to take the journey. The elevator dings, the doors sliding open even though Eric never pressed the call button.

Oh, so it’s that kind of dream. Farkle wouldn’t think of himself as any George Bailey, but if Eric wants to It’s A Wonderful Life this sitch, then he supposes he might as well go along for the ride.

He steps into the elevator, glancing at Eric next to him then back out towards the familiarity of the hall to his family suite. As the doors slide closed…

INT. AAA - DRESSING ROOM HALL - NIGHT

When Farkle steps through the doors again, he’s emerged into the dressing room hall at AAA. On the wall next to him, a flyer for the Kossal audition is on display, as well as a signed poster of Les Miserables by the sophomore class. They’ve been transported back to last semester, before everything changed due to an ill-advised fit of emotion. Or, as Eric puts it:

Eric: Before the end of the world.

A good time, Eric says wistfully. Farkle doesn’t understand what he means, wondering why the hell he brought him here… when suddenly the sound of music catches his attention. It’s muted, muffled by the doors separating them from the auditorium. But it’s clear that Farkle recognizes it, remembering the memory associated with it.

He looks to Eric in confusion, who nods him along. He can explore as much as he likes, granted he can get himself to do it. Farkle gazes back towards the doors to the wings, tentatively making his way towards them. Then he’s walking faster, the music growing louder as he pushes through the doors --

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Mambo No. 5 (a Little Bit of…)” as performed by Lou Bega || Instrumental

The song is already in full swing as Farkle enters the scenery, the classic jam playing over the speakers as the sophomore class is in the process of striking the set from Les Miserables. The performers and techies are working together efficiently, creating a fun time out of it by dancing around and goofing off as they get the work done.

It really is an entirely different era. Everyone is lively, comfortable, functioning as a class. Zay and Jeff have a playful dance off, Yindra cheering them on and NIGEL CHEY poking at JADE BEAMON to join the dance. Dylan and Asher are dancing together, Isadora weakly attempting to pull them back into work before they threaten to pull her into the dance too. Dylan manages it, Isadora laughing and surrendering seeing as it doesn’t seem likely work will get done anyway.

Charlie is goofing off with Haley and Clarissa, twirling the latter. Riley is all smiles as she grooves with Lucas, actually getting him to move a little bit as he spins her under his arm. And front and center of it all is Farkle and Maya, dancing back to back and being their full diva selves as they jam out to the bop. The way they used to be -- when they were friends.

Present-day Farkle navigates the scene as it unfolds around him, awestruck and struck by the nostalgia. He can’t remember the last time AAA felt like this, bright and hopeful and carefree. It’s a lot of fun to step back into, all that enthusiasm and camaraderie…

And even harder to watch disappear. As Farkle steps into the place of his former self the imagery melts away, leaving him standing alone on the empty stage. Dark, quiet, only the ghost light occupying the space with him and casting him in an eerie glow.

He’s startled from his reminiscing when another voice beckons him from the shadows of the audience. He squints, trying to get a good look.

Jack: Come along then, Mister Minkus. We don’t want to be late.

Dream!Jack, dressed professionally as always, doesn’t wait up. He marches back through the doors to the atrium, Farkle scrambling off the stage and running through the aisles to catch up.

INT. MINKUS HOME - ELEVATOR HALL - NIGHT

Farkle emerges from the elevator out of breath, surprised to be back in his hallway. He spins around to try and find Jack, scoffing and holding out his arms.

Farkle: That’s it, then? Giving up on my monster soul already?

Jack: Sarcasm is only charming in small doses, Mister Minkus.

Jack is in fact still there, hanging by the door to his apartment. Farkle approaches, commenting that he doesn’t see how sending him home is going to show him anything important. He spends enough time there alone. Jack corrects him, stating that he’ll find this is no ordinary version of his home. He explains that people often forget the imprint they leave on other people -- and that may be especially true within the Minkus clan.

INT. MINKUS HOME - NIGHT

As they step back through the doors, it becomes clear what has changed in this version of their apartment. On the wall by the coat rack where all the children have their portraits hung up, Farkle is no longer present. This is a scape where Farkle is absent, a figment just like Jack rather than a member of the Minkus family.

Said family is gathered for dinner, business and enterprise dominating the conversation like usual. As far as Farkle can tell as he observes it… it doesn’t seem all that different. Uri looks a little less broody and well-dressed, given that his sibling pecking order changed, but otherwise it looks about the same.

But there are small details that Farkle isn’t picking up on. Like how Ezra is uncharacteristically quiet, far more muted and less eccentric than the way he is today. Lila is exchanging her digs with Uri instead, the two of them no longer semi-comrades in disdain but adversaries. The home is polished and well-maintained, but it also lacks something too. Behind where Farkle and Jack are watching, the grand piano is no longer in the living room.

Farkle states that it looks about the same to him. What did Jack expect to show him, his entire family being miserable without him? Unlikely, since none of them pay attention to one another anyway and he’s the black sheep as it is. Jack tries to point out the nuances but Farkle isn’t listening, pointing out all the ways things seem better, like how no one is arguing about their dreams or storming out of the dinner as an embarrassment to the family legacy.

Jack shifts gears, growing frustrated with his inability to see where he leaves an impact. He spins them to face the living room and throws them back into memories, a series of them shimmering like a mirage. Him and Ezekiel talking together on the couch in 112; his mother having him help cook when he was little, Farkle gabbing on and on with his unbridled energy and Jennifer laughing along; Farkle leading a younger Uri and Ezra in imaginary games, both of them enthralled and delighted as the fantastical story unfolds in their living room. Bringing creativity and unconventionality to a home that sorely needs it.

Then, a moment from a different Hanukkah season years ago. Stuart hands a nine-year-old Farkle his copy of The Great Gatsby, pride shining in his eyes as he gifts the brand new copy. Farkle takes it eagerly, giving his dad a hug and showing how there are common interests between them.

Present-day Farkle edges towards the warm memory, captivated. His eyes are shining with tears, Jack thinking he’s made his point.

Jack: Don’t you see that? Don’t you see how that feels?

Farkle: I see it… [ uncertainly ] But I don’t think I know it.

The feeling of that memory feels about as distant as the time it occurred. It fades, along with Jack, as Farkle settles back onto the couch and the room falls back into darkness. For a moment, Farkle debates going back to sleep to escape all the melancholy.

But the dream isn’t over yet. The grandfather clock chimes, startling him as it bangs out successive clangs to the midnight hour. But it continues to chime even after it should’ve stopped, confusing Farkle and causing him to rise and investigate it.

While the hands are lined up to midnight, the clock isn’t moving. The second hand doesn’t tick onward. It’s completely frozen.

Farkle reaches forward curiously, another familiar voice halting him from messing with the clock when they speak up from behind him.

Angela: Come on, Farkle.

He whips around, eyes wide as he spots his favorite teacher waiting patiently for him across the room. It’s Dream!Angela, and although she lacks the usual warmth and energy of the actress her presence alone is cause for emotion.

Angela: We really should get going.

Farkle lets out a strained exhale, jogging over and enveloping Angela in a hug. She doesn’t respond, as she’s merely a spiritual apparition, but the concept of the gesture alone seems to give Farkle some comfort. He embraces her tightly, only pulling back when she gently nudges him and takes his shoulders. She gives him a wise look.

Angela: We don’t dare be late for the future.

INT. FARKLE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

As they push through the doors, Farkle finds himself stepping into an unfamiliar apartment. It’s lavish although essentially vacant, the only object worth note being the grand piano that has relocated to the center of the room. Farkle looks to Angela uncertainly, who nods him forward.

Approaching the piano, a flyer becomes visible laying on top of the piano. Farkle reaches for it once he’s close enough, revealing that the flyer is actually a playbill. It’s a Broadway show -- although the details are nondescript, as they don’t matter -- and flipping to the inside, Farkle is first billed. He’s the star of the show. His big break.

Farkle: It’s… I’m… Angela. Angela, look --

He whips around to show her, the excitement wiped from his face when he realizes she’s gone. He’s alone again, facing this potentially successful future… with no one to share it with. Just him, a playbill, and a needlessly spacious apartment.

Angela: Do you remember what I told you, Farkle?

Angela is seated at the piano again, lightly playing a tune on the piano. Upon careful listening, one might be able to identify the diddy as the ending verse of “The World Was Wide Enough,” but it’s hardly the focus of the scene.

Angela: You once asked me if the dream was worth it. And I told you it was. Undoubtedly so. But I told you something else too. Do you remember?

Farkle looks down at the playbill, searching for the joy that seeing such a future should bring him. Then he gazes around the empty apartment, void and cold. The answer is quite simple.

Farkle: Empty.

INT. MINKUS HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Farkle jolts awake, the lamplight illuminating the room signaling that we are in fact back in real time. The grandfather clock has resumed motion, ticking in its usual time. He tries to shake off a sense of panic, breathing uneven as he pushes himself into a sitting position. Footsteps in the kitchen behind him freak him out, glancing over his shoulder with wide eyes just as Ezekiel pokes his head out with a glass of water.

Ezekiel: Farkle? What are you doing out here?

Farkle wants to respond, but words aren’t working at the moment. Ezekiel notices his frazzled state, shifting gears and rushing over to ask him what’s wrong. Settling down on the couch next to him, he reaches out and tries to calm him down. Farkle flinches as his brother wipes tears from his cheek, ones he didn’t even realize he had shed.

Ezekiel: Must’ve just been a nightmare. But it might help if you weren’t sleeping out here on the couch. Come on, let’s get you some real rest, yeah?

Farkle allows his brother to help him up, hands clammy and shaky as he rises to his feet. Even as he goes, it’s clear from the haunted expression on his face that he won’t be forgetting that dream any time soon.

Behind them, The Great Gatsby lays forlornly on the floor.

PART V Somewhere in my memory, Christmas joys all around me, Living in my memory: all of the music, all of the magic, All of the family, home here with me…

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY

Riley takes the final segmented part of our story, experiencing a torn existence within the apartment. She and Cory kick off their winter break by moving around all of their things, Riley beginning the process of moving her belongings into the more spacious bedroom.

As she drops her moodboard against the wall by the door, she questions if her father really wants to make this swap. He assures her he’s of sound mind, stating that the last thing he needs is a reminder of all that empty space haunting him. Gloomy. Besides, he goes on, with what Katy requested of him they may very well be giving Riley a roommate to share all the space with.

It’s clear Riley doesn’t know how she feels about that little detail, but she’s happy to provide help where help is needed. She’s feeling jarred enough swapping spaces in the apartment she’s lived in her entire life, she can’t imagine being removed from it entirely.

Their conversation is interrupted by Auggie cheering from the living room. They exchange a look, making their way out into the hall.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - DAY

As expected, Auggie’s fanfare is in response to the arrival of TOPANGA LAWRENCE. She gives him a tight hug and a big kiss on the cheek, offering the same enthusiastic greeting to Riley as she jogs over to greet her. She even grants Cory a familiar kiss on the cheek, obviously in good spirits due to the holiday season.

That, and she does seem simply generally happier. As if the decision to file for divorce and take control of her own life how she wants it is empowering, despite how effectively it’s caused a ripple effect to everyone else around her. It’s evident that she intends to treat this holiday season like any other, pretending everything is right as rain in favor of a good Christmas time.

This includes their annual holiday party. It’s tradition, and they sure won’t be slacking this year. She immediately launches into all of the things they’ll have to get cracking on, operating with that charming discipline she’s so well known for. Auggie grins up at Riley, who gives him a soft smile in return and nudges him along to follow their mother.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - LATER - DAY

Now in the process of preparations, Riley and Topanga work together to set up and decorate the Christmas tree. As they’re hanging ornaments, Riley ventures the question of how Topanga is liking her new place in Midtown. She claims it’s fine, and an invigorating change of pace, but she’s not certain she’ll be staying there long. It’s just a squatting place, a space to regroup until she can figure out where she truly thinks she would fit.

Riley plays along, suggesting some other areas of the island where her mother might thrive. Her phone ringing disrupts it, and although it’s clear she is savoring this actual attention from Topanga, seeing Isadora light up the screen makes her think she should take the call. She excuses herself, jogging back into the hall to her makeshift bedroom.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY

Riley answers as soon as she’s alone, Isadora letting Riley know she believes she will be coming to her party. You know, if that’s still cool. Riley assures her that of course she’s more than welcome, she did send her an invitation after all. But she has to admit she’s confused as to why she’s not attending the techie party instead. That was likely going to be the same time, wasn’t it?

Isadora huffs, reluctantly stating that the techie party isn’t happening this year. The cause as to why it fell apart goes without saying, both of them quite aware of how Lucas has been acting as of late. Riley repeats the notion that Isadora is welcome with her.

Isadora murmurs that the holiday season certainly doesn’t feel much like the holiday season this year. Riley can’t help but concur, promising that she’ll see her soon as they end the call.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

And as the party edges closer and closer, the more true that seems to become. While Auggie is never around for the sharpest moments, Cory and Topanga begin exchanging digs and snapping at one another again. Although the apartment sure looks festive, it feels far from it.

As Cory and Topanga get into a tiff about one of the items on the food preparation list, Riley finally cracks. She questions why they’re even bothering to have the party in the first place, since working collaboratively seems to be such a burden for all of them. For appearances? To pretend like everything is fine and dandy? What a lovely, shallow Christmas vignette they make.

Topanga is surprised, and Cory tries to comfort her, but Riley escapes before either of them can get a word in edgewise. She disappears back into the hallway, her parents exchanging sheepish looks.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Riley retreats into her new room… only that doesn’t make her feel much better either. It’s in complete disarray, just like everything else, and now Maya’s added stuff feels even more overwhelming.

Without thinking, Riley grabs her coat and pulls it on in a hurry. Then she’s yanking open the bay window, climbing out onto the fire escape.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Where Are You Christmas” as performed by Faith Hill || Performed by Riley Matthews

As Riley emerges into the cold, snowy winter night, she takes a deep breath to center herself before quietly launching into an impassioned rendition of this ode to innocence lost. She begins making her way down the familiar streets of the city, the lights and charm of the holiday season the true visual spectacle of the performance.

But as usual, the true star are Riley’s vocals. They build in volume and power as her emotions escalate, reaching a fervent pitch as she makes it to the final part of the song. New York is her stage as she spins around the winter wonderland, lamenting how what used to be her favorite time of year suddenly feels as far away as everything else she once loved.

Even at the lowest times, Riley Matthews truly is too damn talented.

PART VI Everyone would have a friend, and right would always win, And love would never end, This is my grown up Christmas list...

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

It’s the night of all planned holiday festivities, settling us back in a coherent timeline. Riley and Maya are just finishing up getting their now shared room into a decent state, not bad for a couple days work. Maya says as much, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

After a moment, Riley gently reaches out and touches her arm.

Riley: I’m sorry about what happened with your mom.

Maya accepts the kindness, but brushes it off before she gets emotional again. She changes the subject, asking Riley who else is supposed to be showing up to this shindig tonight. Given that she has literally nowhere else she could be, she’s guaranteed at least one party guest.

Riley mirrors Maya’s mocking laugh, claiming that just about everyone from their class RSVP’d. After a beat, Maya curiously asks if that includes Farkle. The query seems more interested than derisive, which seems like a step in the right direction.

But Riley doesn’t have good news in that regard. She covers instead by expressing that Charlie is supposed to becoming, as well as Isadora. Maya wonders what happened to the techie thing if Isadora is planning to come, since she never told her any different. Odd, considering their new status of best friends. Riley opts not to say anything, however, the harsh pre-lapping tones of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” say plenty…

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch” as performed by Thurl Ravenscroft || Instrumental (up to 1:00)

Lucas is seated at his kitchen table, a Grinch-like glower on his face while he’s lost in thought. He’s watching the snow fall outside, stuck in the apartment he hates but is now forced to be in full time. He’s twirling a wrapper in his fingers, absentmindedly twisting it until it starts to come apart with a simple tear. The music is playing from the small radio on the counter, underscoring the dark mood.

GRACE FRIAR pulls him out of his own head, entering the room and joining him at the opposite end of the table. She lightly questions what he wants to do for dinner, beginning to sort through mail. Lucas offers to go through the junk for her, which she declines at first but then allows when he extends the offer again. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget in this household that people can be helpful and kind.

Lucas moves to the counter as he sorts through it, stopping cold when he sees the invitation addressed to him. He removes it from the stack and gets a better look at it, recognizing Riley’s handwriting in an instant. He holds it delicately in his fingers for a long moment, obviously contemplative…

Then it falls into the trash can with all the rest of the junk.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” as performed by Kelly Clarkson || Instrumental

The radio switches to Kelly Clarkson as the Grinch wraps up, a knock at the door surprising both Grace and Lucas. They exchange perplexed looks, Grace asking if he’s expecting anybody. He shakes his head, cautiously approaching the front door to check it out.

When he opens it, he’s immediately accosted by what seems to be the full assembly of the techie crew. Jade is at the front of the pack, carrying their box of decorations and giving Lucas a cheerful greeting as she pushes past him and into the apartment. Dave is next, carrying a small tree in his arms; then Jeff; then Nate, who gives him a playful punch on the shoulder as he lets himself inside.

Lucas turns to watch them take over his apartment, shell-shocked. They’ve got all the goods necessary for their tradition -- food, decorations, gifts -- and start setting up and spreading the cheer without a second thought. Grace pokes her head out uncertainly from the kitchen, Dave immediately rushing over to greet her and shaking her hand enthusiastically.

Dave, loudly: Hi, wow, you’re Mrs. Friar! I’m Dave. I love what you’ve done with the place --

Lucas whips back around to the doorway, finding Asher and Dylan standing together with smug smiles on their faces. They’ve got their hands clasped in front of them and are dressed for the weather, Dylan’s cheeks rosier than ever as they greet him.

Dylan: Greetings, Mr. Grinch.

Slowly, Lucas starts to piece together what’s happening as his shock wears off. He glances back at the party beginning to unfold and his mother being happily guided into the festivities, obviously surprised but not opposed to this unexpected holiday cheer. It’s not a common occurrence in this apartment.

Lucas shakes his head, looking back to his friends with a sheepish look on his face. Clearly appreciative, even if he doesn’t know how to express it.

Lucas: You guys didn’t have to do this.

[ Asher and Dylan exchange knowing looks, raising their eyebrows. ]

Asher, matter-of-factly: Yeah, we did.

Dylan: Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.

Both of them move forward at once, sandwiching Lucas in a warm hug. Dylan gives him a peck on the side of the head, grinning. Lucas stiffens at first… but then smiles in spite of himself.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

Zay is finishing up getting ready for Riley’s party, Jada and Omar laughing about something in the living room behind him. He’s pulling on his shoes when there’s a knock on their door as well, Donna moving to answer it.

Zay: You expecting someone?

Donna: No, are you?

Either way, there’s clearly someone there. When Donna pulls open the door, Charlie is standing there on the doorstep and quickly turns to face them from looking around at the neighborhood. He looks like a deer in headlights for a second until he remembers that he drove all the way here and chose to do this.

Zay is equally stunned. He blinks at him, trying to figure out if he’s imagining him.

Zay: Charlie? What are you doing here?

Charlie tosses a glance towards him, before clearing his throat and holding out his hand to introduce himself to Donna. She accepts the gesture, stepping back to allow him to step into the house. Charlie states that he’s one of Zay’s good friends from AAA, and apologizes for the fact that he couldn’t make it to the dinner she arranged.

Donna: Oh, well, that’s fine honey. There’s always next time.

Charlie, boldly: [ looking at Zay ] I’ll be there.

Omar and Jada are watching with extreme interest from the living room, Donna subtly questioning what exactly he’s doing there right now. Charlie seems to remember that detail, laughing nervously and explaining that he and Zay are both going to Riley’s party tonight. He promised he’d give him a ride, save him a little gas money.

Jada starts to question if that makes any sense -- does Charlie live around here too? -- but Zay quickly bids them farewell and ushers them out the door before any of them can grill him.

EXT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

Zay takes his arm and guides him a little ways down the block, wondering what he’s doing there and how he even managed to get all the way out here in this weather.

Charlie: [ holding up his keys ] I’ve got wheels now, remember?

Zay, stunned: … you drove here?

Charlie nods, pocketing his key ring again. That might be one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for Zay. He’s speechless, trying to wrap his mind around it, as Charlie continues with an explanation.

Charlie: You’re not doing all the labor in our relationship anymore. Emotional or otherwise. I felt terrible about… well, a lot of things, and… I just want you to know I’m in this. I know I’m all over the place but… I’m serious about what we have. I’m serious about you. I’m trying, Zay. I’m really trying.

Zay, softly: I know. I know.

Charlie smiles lightly. He unzips his coat about halfway to show that he’s wearing the sweatshirt, Zay unable to hold back a smile.

Charlie: Sorry I still haven’t gotten you something in return.

Zay: Dude, what you just did? Driving all the way here and then... [ nodding to his house ] That’s the best present you could’ve ever gotten me.

Charlie grins, nodding. Pointedly, he steps forward -- closer than usual in public, although it is dark and in the suburbs -- and slips his hand in Zay’s pocket to hold his hand.

The two of them exchange another fond smile, beginning the walk to Charlie’s car.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

Riley is playing hostess as her friends from school arrive, dancing around and making sure everyone is having a great time. Nigel and Yindra try to get her to relax, but she feels better up and about. She’s hosting the party, and yet she’s hardly participating in it.

She rushes to answer the door when Zay and Charlie arrive together, greeting both of them warmly. There’s still an awkward beat between Riley and Charlie, but it feels less hopeless than before. She gestures for them to make themselves at home, the two of them stepping into the apartment just as Isadora shows up behind them.

She doesn’t look very cheerful, all things considered. Riley states that she’s happy she made it, which Isadora nods along to but still seems dazed. Out of sorts. Not where she’s usually supposed to be on this night.

Riley senses her apprehension. Gently, she guides Isadora inside and leads the way through the crowd, the door closing behind them.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Riley and Isadora are situated on the bay window seat, cooped up and escaping the crowd for a minute. For the first time they really get the chance to talk, expressing how things have felt so off this year, right up until the last few days of the calendar year. Isadora feels more disjointed than ever, and Riley can relate given that they’re literally sitting in a half-sorted bedroom.

Still, Riley has to have hope. She has to believe things will work out, even if it’ll take some time to get there. Isadora shakes her head, laughing in spite of herself.

Isadora: I have no idea how you do that. How can you manage to be hopeful when just about everything has given you a reason not to?

Riley: Because if I don’t… [ with a shrug ] then who will?

A lot of pressure to carry on one girl’s shoulders, but something she’s clearly determined to do regardless. Isadora claims that’s always been her best trait -- the reason they all warmed up to her in the first place. The reason Lucas liked her so much, definitely. They all need some of that energy in their own lives, she supposes.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Believe” as performed by Josh Groban || Performed by Riley Matthews & Isadora De La Cruz

Riley starts the thoughtful duet, reflecting the odd emotional state they’re all existing in right now. “We were dreamers not so long ago” is apt enough, and it’s not long before Isadora joins in to harmonize on the chorus. It’s a soft shared moment of vulnerability between them.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

Their voices carry over the rest of the episode as we touch base with the small moments of hope encompassing everyone else. Spirits are high at the Matthews party, a majority of their class enjoying the time together. Maya holds court with a gaggle of the performers, exuding charisma to cover for the hurt she’s grappling with inside. Zay and Charlie actually sit next to one another as they chat with Yindra and Nigel, bumping elbows and exchanging smiles and allowing themselves to just be.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The same warmth is radiating from the techie gathering, where they’ve fully set up their decorations and are just settling into energetic and gleeful conversation. Dylan has his arm around Asher as they’re seated in front of the couch, Lucas coming to settle down next to them and in front of Grace seated on the couch.

He passes a cookie to her over his shoulder, Grace giving him a grateful smile. Actually enjoying the holiday for the first time in forever, love filling a space that usually feels so cold.

INT. MINKUS HOME - NIGHT

All on his own, Farkle carefully lights the first candle for Hanukkah. He tends to the small flame gently, lifting his gaze to glance out at the wintery landscape of the city laid out before him.

So high above it all, trapped in his version of reality.

END OF EPISODE.

[she-jo]

How Maylene Got Fucked

Some background: Maylene has always been my horny character (tm). She’s had several rendezvous with random npcs UNTIL she had an encounter with a vampire about a year ago in game time and ended up dead (she was enthralled and then failed to become purified at a temple). She was later resurrected by her friends. At this point I’ll mention: Amaril (the party warlock who serves the Raven Queen) was the one that “sponsored” her to go through the ritual of the seven deaths. Something he’s told Maylene he regretted because she died. Because of that he was there as she was essentially killed, brought back, killed again (in a game of seven death rolls with increasing difficulty). He was also there when she was resurrected. No other characters were. 

Anyway, life goes on. Maylene’s a flirt. And Amaril’s sort of a stoic kind of man so she would always sort of pick on him to get a blush or reaction. Her favorite thing to do is call him “Big Daddy” for being the party dad. 

Fastforward to now: the Party has just returned from the Underdark after rescuing our bard’s (Nori) mother. It’s at this point I’ve already resolved that Maylene is going to go to Amaril’s room and basically be like “Well buddy you can have a shot or not, take your pick.” And I mean, I’ve had dialogue saved for weeks leading up to this session for this specific interaction because as a writer my FAVORITE THING is character interaction and development. And to me, our campaign is a little lacking in that because everyone kind of minds there own biscuits.

So, after a few serious sessions, our heroes decide they’re gonna get FUCKED UP. Maylene’s got the weed, they’re gonna drink, they’re gonna try to get the gay rogue halfling laid, and Maylene is like ok my time IS! NOW! Except, across the bar she spots Nori’s recently rescued mother NIBBLING on Amaril’s ear. She’s a little shocked but is mostly like “Well, I’ve waited this long, the old girl’s had a rough time, I can take a number.” Meanwhile, Nori’s freaking out because her friend is about to fuck her mom. Unbenownst to Maylene, Amaril has already declined the invitation, saying “I’d rather get to know someone first.” To which Nori’s mom smiles and leans forward and says, “Is Nori having a fit?” Amaril nods. And Nori’s mom says, “I think that little elf has her eye on you, anyway.” “Oh, I know.” So Nori’s mother suggests they simply go upstairs and play a game of chess, just to really ruffle Nori and maybe Maylene’s feathers just a bit. Amaril is like fuck yes, I’m so game. As they ascend the stairs, Maylene sees the woman crook her finger at her. At this point Maylene’s literally like:  

So she says “fuck it, I’m curious to see what the fuck is going on.” and follows them. Amaril is sitting in the room, setting up a chess board like “OOH GOODIE I GET TO PLAY CHESS” and Nori’s mother claps Maylene on the shoulder and is like, “You two have a great time. I think it’s time for me to go back to our inn and get some sleep.”

Maylene is just GOBSMACKED (I as a player am gobsmacked too because up until now the only person that knew of my plan was my gf). So here’s this glam half elf warlock sitting on the floor with his chessboard and he’s like “I knew she was going to do that.” 

Maylene: Never let it be said you’re a dumb man, Amaril. So are we really going to play chess? Because we can. We can play chess, but I have what’s left of this sack and a little bit of wine. You can pick your poison, I’m going to have a little of both myself and we can see where the night goes? Because--

Amaril, laughing: I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. I left my bird downstairs and I’m watching Nori freak out. [Insert scene of Nori flipping her lid because she thinks her friends are fuckin’ her mom]

Maylene: Because I think you’re a good looking man, I think you think I’m cute, or at least endearing. I could be wrong, if I am I can go downstairs and let some big swarthy Waterdeep man have a go. But I’m indulging all my vices tonight so I just thought why not give a friend a shot?

It’s at that point Amaril just smiles and cantrips (I guess it was probably thaumaturgy) the door closed behind her.

Everyone at the table is literally losing their GODDAMN MINDS because up until this point Amaril has not fucked. And he and Maylene have been flirting circles around each other.

THE NEXT MORNING

They’re woken up by a knock on the door which HE ANSWERS BUCK ASS NAKED. And a woman walks in with a TRAY of breakfast and Maylene is VERY flattered like “Oh you got me breakfast?”

Turns out, it was from NORI’S MOTHER. And Maylene’s like “Shame you could’ve taken credit. Gotten extra points.” Amaril: Ah. I’ll buy you breakfast tomorrow.

CUE THE ENTIRE TABLE ERUPTING INTO MADNESS ONCE AGAIN. And that’s how maylene got FUCKED BY THE WARLOCK. Also this exchange: Maylene: I should’ve charged you Amaril: I should’ve charged YOU Maylene proceeds cackling like a mad woman.

[jackblankhsh]

A Blood Red Reindeer Knows -- Part 7:  Under the Krampus Mark

Death has a weird way of making people immortal.  The flesh may been six feet under, but the legend is a star in the sky.  People tell tales about Krampus the way they swap bogeyman stories.  The worst part about the stories is that they're all true.  Like the time Krampus forced a candy-maker to eat her own caramel-coated hand.  

 Still, Krampus died ages ago.  Back in the day he and Big Red ran the whole show.  Then Big Red decided he didn't care to share.  Krampus took two copper rounds to the back of the head.  They say his skull is still up on the wall in Big Red's office.  

 Standing outside the building with the Krampus mark I can't help admiring the artist.  It's almost a kind of Rorschach striking a primal chord.  A tribal inspired mess of jagged lines clustered into the semblance of a goat skull -- there's an occult quality to it I doubt is by accident.  In a way, it's the perfect street tag:  marking property, and saying go away in one symbol.  

 The building itself is nothing exceptional.  The Krampus mark is the only thing setting it apart.  Otherwise, I can't see anything other than a brownstone two-flat.

 A goose in rags shuffles by shaking a tin can, "Help a honker out."

 I flash a few bucks, and ask, "What do you know about that place?"

 The goose squints at the money.  Licking his bill he shakes his head, "Horrible spot.  I stay away from there."

 I deposit a c-note in the cup -- courtesy of Black Jack -- then ask, "Why's that?"

 Scratching a wing the goose says, "Weird folks go in and out of there all the time.  I don't know who, but I know trouble when I see it."

 Slipping another bill in I ask, "Anybody in there now?"

 Shaking his head the goose says, "Nope, and I pay attention.  I'd choke on a stone before talking to any of them."

 Thanking him I watch the goose waddle away. He pauses at one point to gander at the place before glancing back at me.  Before I can be sure what look he's giving me, he turns away.  The cup rattles, and he calls out, "Help a honker out," though the street is empty.  

 The building resides on the corner.  Windows on all sides make it unlikely to come at the place without being seen. However, I remember a few tricks from my youth.  

 After walking up the block I climb an apartment building's fire escape.  Up on the rooftop -- click, click, click -- I head back towards the Krampus mark.  I used to do this as a kid back when I thought I might be a flier.  Even when those dreams died I kept running along roofs, only then I did it to break in.  Either way, the skills still remained.

 Back at the Krampus building I find an attic window.  Taking a chance I break the glass.  After waiting a minute there's no sign of anyone coming to investigate, so I go inside.

 The only light is a column from the street stabbing in through the window.  At a glance the attic is empty, though I can see a few boxes piled in corners.  It takes a while to find an exit.  The door isn't locked, and I worry I'm wasting my good luck on mediocre wins.

 The second floor isn't much better than the attic.  The rooms are mostly empty except for one.  A set of mismatched chairs around a scarred table.  Spotting letters on the table I use my lighter to read a few pages. However, everything is in gibberish. I'm sure it's a code, but without a key there's no chance of me reading it on my own.  That doesn't stop me from pocketing a page before going downstairs.

 The first floor finally looks like someone lives here.  There are rugs, plenty of furniture, and lamps, though I don't dare turn any on.  The street provides enough light down here.  Yet, I don't see anything worth noticing.  

 Moving towards the back takes me into a kitchen.  The fridge is empty, so are all the drawers.  However, there's a butcher knife in the sink.  Knowing better than to touch it, I flick my lighter to life. The blade is still bloody.  

 A low moan drifts through the house.  My blood chills a degree or two, and I snap the lighter shut.  Waiting in the darkness I start regretting not snatching a gun back at Black Jack's.  It's not like the corpses need them anymore.  I consider grabbing the blade.  However, hearing the moan again I realize it isn't something sinister. Someone is in trouble.

 Following the noise to a door I open it revealing a wooden staircase.  The steps disappear into a dark basement.  Flipping a light switch beside the door brings an illumination my lighter could beat.  

 Each step groans and crackles as if it's about to break.  The moaning gets louder the deeper I go.  Finally I reach the bottom.

 The basement is nothing more than bare brick walls.  The Krampus mark adorns every one.  A few scattered bulbs dangle from wires.  The only furniture is a metal chair, and it's already occupied.  The occupant is a blindfolded elf.  He's tied to it with packaging ribbon.  Stripped to the waist it's easy to see why he's moaning, also how the knife got bloody.  

 His torso is covered in slashes.  His arms and face aren't doing well either.  The tips of his ears are missing.  Someone's been working him over slowly.  Having been on the verge of this nightmare, I can appreciate the situation.

 As I hurry over, he flinches at the sound of my hooves.

 Shuddering he says, "Please!  No more!"

 I say, "Don't worry buddy.  I'm not here to hurt you."

 "Who're you?" he asks in a quivering voice.

 "Not a fan of this lemme tell ya."  

 I pull off the blindfold. He blinks, the dim light blinding.

 He says, "We've gotta hurry.  They could be back any minute."

 Immediately I go to work on the ribbon.  Along the way I ask questions.  He says his name is Elfonso.  He works for urban planning.  

 "They used to ask me questions about the city.  I told everything I know, but then."  He starts to cry.

 So I tell him, "Everything's going to be okay."

 I hate the fact it feels like a lie.

 Elfonso says, "What's going on?"

 I say, "Hate to tell ya, but I was hoping you know."

 He shakes his head. The ribbons finally give way.  His sigh of relief -- I've heard less joyful orgasms.

 Elfonso says, "I don't know who these people are, but I'm sure they're insane.  Look what they did to me."

 Up close the wreckage is even worse.  He's a trail of canyons.  Poor guy is bound to be scarred for life.  

 Helping him to his feet I have to ask, "Why'd they do it?"

 "It was like some initiation thing.  The one in the mask would say, 'Prove you're one of us.'  Then they'd give the knife to someone and..." he trails off, but I don't press him.  I can guess the details.  

 So again I lie, "It's going to be okay.  You're getting out of here."

 Sure enough that's the cue for the sound of a door closing upstairs.  Elfonso sucks in a breath.  I get the feeling a scream is coming, so slap a hand over his mouth.  

 The only way out is the stairs.  Worse, it doesn't take a genius to realize there's nowhere to hide down here.  The best of our bad options is to get under the stairs, though I doubt it would take a blind fool long to find us there. Since it's better than nothing, hand over his mouth, I drag us there.  I can feel Elfonso shivering in my arms, sweat is already pouring out of him.

 Footsteps above.  I can't be sure how many, but more than one.

 A gravelly voice says, "Basement 's open."

 Another voice responds, but down here I can't hear it.  

 Boots thud, and the steps groan.  Elfonso starts to wriggle.  His sweaty body is hard to hold onto.  The boots continue to slowly descend.  Elfonso struggles more.

 I whisper, "Hold still."

 The boots reach the bottom of the stairs.  It's a pig dressed in black.  He looks like a walking tank.  His eyes go straight to the empty chair.  

 Elfonso jerks to one side, and pops out of my arms.  He launches himself forward, snatching a chunk of brick off the floor.  Next thing I know Elfonso is literally screaming through the air, swinging the brick.  The blow strikes the pig in the head.  Elfonso doesn't hesitate, though, he keeps hammering away with that chunk.  The swine goes down, and Elfonso follows him.  Using both hands he pounds way until piggy's head is nothing but a pulpy mess.  

 Breathing heavily Elfonso grins, "I'm --"

 Whatever might've come out his mouth gets cut off by a bullet.  His head wipes to one side, while a spray of red and brains splatters the wall.  Elfonso collapses into a heap.  The whole moment lasts the blink of an eye -- so sudden I'm not even aware it happens.

 Someone starts coming down the stairs.  The creaking plants a thought in my head.  The plan that forms doesn't inspire a lot of hope.  Yet, I'll take anything.  

 I wait, hands ready, as whoever it is descends.  When their feet touch the step above me I grab the plank, and pull down as hard as I can. The wood snaps.  The step bursts apart.  Whoever is above, their webbed foot punches through.  They don't fall through, but trip enough to go tumbling down the stairs.  

The second I hear a body falling I move. Quick as I can I dart out from under the stairs.  The person hits the bottom just as I'm coming around.  Jumping over their body I go up three steps at a time.  

 No fool, I go out the nearby backdoor.  I'm three blocks away before my body protests enough for me to slow.  When I stop I realize I've been running in a blind panic.

 I don't know what's going on, and I'm definitely in over my head.

[yoosungiib]

It's❄THE❄HOLIDAY❄SEASON❄so how 'bout some festively fluffy tree decorating and/or holiday baking headcannons for the happy 'lil family of Saeyoung, Saeran, and MC?

Aha! I have so many requests in my inbox but when I saw this I just had to do it right away~ It’s the most wonderful time of the year, I can’t help it!! ;3

Choi Family Household Holiday/Christmas Festivity Fluff

~~~

Christmas used to be something that Seven dreaded. It was a reminder of how broken his family was, and how much he wished his life could have gone in a different direction.

But now he has his family back together. He has you, the sweet and charming girl who came to the RFA’s rescue, and his personal rescue for that matter. And his brother who he had thought he’d lost. A brother who deep down really does love him back though he still resents everything that happened. Everything had fallen back into place, so now,

Seven was frickin Buddy the Elf.

The three of you dressed in your warm coats, hats, gloves and ransacked the stores getting everything you could.

You bought tinsel, lights, projectors, blow up santas, reindeers and anything else Seven claims you guys need.

“Idiot brother. We don’t even have enough room for all this.”

While Seven works on packing all the stuff he bought into his car, without scratching his baby, you and Saeran go to get the tree.

It makes you smile to see how devoted Saeran is to finding the perfect tree. You can see just how much he really is excited for Christmas.

Saeran picks out a medium sized tree; you offer to help him carry it to the car but he doesn’t let you. He claims it’s because you’ll ruin it somehow, but really he’s just be chivalrous. “N-no, dummy, you’ll drop it.”

Setting up the tree is quite comedic. Saeran doesn’t want Seven to do it because he thinks he’ll mess it up, but Seven also refuses to let Saeran do it because she wants Saeran to relax and have as little work as possible.

You have a video of them doing tug a war with the tree.

When the tree is up, there are so many pine cones of the floor that when Vanderwood comes over to the next day to supervise Seven and clean the bunker, poor guy has a heart attack at the mess.

Seven puts you on his shoulders and walks you around the christmas tree so you can spiral the lights upon it.

Saeran pulls out ornaments, handing them to you one by one for you to put on the tree as well.

With Seven being Seven, he also declares that he has to put up the star and no one else can do it. He asks if he can get on Saeran shoulders but with no surprise gets a smack up the head.

So he climbs the tree and gets the star up. But just as he’s coming back down and is turning around to show off a prideful gleam, the tree comes collapsing on him.

“Gah! Dear brother~ Help me!”

After the tree is put back up, you all head to the kitchen to make cookies for a get together you plan to have with the RFA members.

However, you have to make a rule for the sugar loving twins: NO EATING THE COOKIES.

An even bigger mess is made by Seven squirting icing at you and Saeran. Saeran and Vanderwood is not impressed.

The cookies are kinda ugly, but not as horrendous as the gingerbread house you guys make afterwards.

Seven has this whole eccentric idea of make the gingerbread look like the honey buddha chip factor, while Saeran just wants to make it simple.

It takes a lot but you manage to convince Seven to wait on blowing up the Santa in the house. You have visions, to be frank, of it setting on fire or something with all the chaos in the bunker. You made a deal with Seven that it can go in the bedroom.

The reindeers go outside, and all though Saeran complains it’s tacky, you can see that he likes them.

Seven accidently breaks one however trying to sit on it.

After all the decorating and baking, you are all pretty tired. You guys snuggle up on the couch together, wrapping yourselves in a wool blanket, all the lights off except for the ones on the tree and just sit together, with hot chocolate, in silence. You feel something pat against your shoulder, and you look over to see Seven asleep for once. You look to the other side and see Saeran dozing off. You offer him the other shoulder, in which he takes with no arguments since he is absolutely, utterly exhausted.

The Christmas season stood as another reason for why you love these boys so much.

If you’re dating Saeyoung: While you’re sorting through the tinsel, he approaches you from behind, wrapping his arm around your waist. “Ho, ho, ho!” You look above your head to see mistletoe dangling. Turning around in his arms, you let out a snort before chuckling at Seven wearing a Santa’s hat and beard. “Will mommy kiss Santa Claus~” he slurs. You grin, pulling the beard down to reveal his lips in which you press yours against. The kiss was soft, sweet, gentle… and you taste the sugar cookies on his lips. “Did you eat some of those cookies I said we were saving?” You ask pulling back. Cue running around the house chasing your silly boyfriend.

If you’re dating Saeran: Saeran stood by the one window in the bunker where he could see somewhat of what was outside, a cup of hot chocolate in one hand while the other was in his pocket. You were too small compared to him to hold the mistletoe above his head, so you gently tapped his shoulder and asked him to hold it above you guys. He was confused at first but nethertheless, he complied. You grinned from ear to ear before saying, “We’re under the mistletoe! Now you have to kiss me.” Saeran was incredibly flustered at first, his face turning as bright as his hair. He had never heard of such a thing. But then he smirked, putting his hot chocolate on the window sill and wrapping one arm around your waist, the other around your upper back, and pulled you against him, his lips smashing against yours. It started rough but became gentler by the moment. Your lips moved together in perfect sync, pulling at each other desperately. You held on to each other, the warmth of your bodies giving each other comfort. When you two released from the kiss, you smiled and took his hand, taking him to the kitchen where you’d sneak him a cookie.

Bonus! If you’re dating Vanderwood: While Vanderwood was working with Seven to finish putting up the lights around the house though Vanderwood was completely against it, you were working to clean up some of the pines that had fallen from the tree so your hard working boyfriend did not have to do it later. He grinned when he entered the room seeing you cleaning. “You didn’t have to do that,” he says quickly hiding his smile, but you could tell he was. Vanderwood came in front of you and gently held your wrist, his thumb making small circles against the soft skin. “Hey. Seven gave me this,” Vanderwood started pulling out a piece of mistletoe. “Don’t know what I’m suppose to do with this shit.” You let out a soft giggle, booping his nose laughing more at how his face crinkled in displeasure. “Silly! You’re suppose to hold it above us so we can kiss.” He was a little skeptical at first, but was he gonna pass up an opportunity to kiss you? Absolutely not. He holds the mistletoe slightly above your head and gently cups the back of your head, pulling you in for a quick and sweet kiss. You smile, a blush crawling across your face. The rest of the pines on the ground were forgotten.

~~~

Check out my masterlist page for rules on requests!

Masterlist

[thetradeway]

Session 26: 2 Jan 2021 Hell Year Is Dead

We are level 5, yay! Ahleqs has taken Fireball, oh fuck.

Following the river north, right. The Unicorn Run. Toward the Starmount Mountains but not quite all the way there. Tarragon finds some of the mushrooms Gunna asked her for, and gives them to him. As we move north the trees open up and it starts to rain. Tarragon hears someone shouting and we move forward. There are some shapes lumbering through the trees and Gunna is about to start tripping which makes it the perfect time to roll initiative!

The one shouting is a half-elf with a bow, and she’s pointing it at the trees. Gunna tries to get her attention. Does she need help?

She smiles. (Uh oh.)

(Gunna thinks he might be in, there.) He shoots at one of the shapes, and makes a CON check for the mushrooms. A 5. Uh oh… He has Disadvantage on Perception checks. His vision is starting to go colourful and move-y.

The thing in the trees lumbers toward us - with a Nat 20 nature check Tarragon sees it’s a nasty rotten troll. Cool, let’s kill it! Also we would swear that the arrow wound from the half-elf is already healed. Ah fuck. The half-elf retreats towards us and hides behind a tree.

Gideon is up. “Perhaps some Grease could help? Oh, there’s two, oh no! Okay, let’s get a move on.” Having said this, Gideon now proceeds to wizard-waffle for a few minutes while he decides what to do. “Wait I forgot to - oh no! I didn’t choose spells while levelling up! I’ll uncheck a few and… there we go.” He throws a Fireball at it.

Ahleqs shoots a Firebolt, misses, and looks sheepish as a free action. Tarragon tries an Entangle but it passes its STR check which makes her cross so she Rages.

Gunna makes a CON save for the mushrooms again. Ahleqs reiterates the rules of doing psychedelics: “Find a safe place! Buddies! Orange juice!” Gunna rolls a 15 and retains control of… something. He knows not what.

The pond is waist-deep on the troll, so would be about shoulder height to Gunna. He drops his bow and picks up his sword. No he doesn’t, he can’t do both on one turn, but we never worry about switching weapons normally so yes he can. He runs up to the troll and hits it with his sword - battle-axe? Oh well it seems like that’s what Gunna pulled out so that’s what he’s going with. The troll makes a WIS save, but the tricksy little bastard succeeds. He takes the physical damage though, 15, nice.

The troll attacks Gunna three times; is the bubbly thing hanging out of his stomach important?

Ahleqs starts crying.

The half-elf steps out of the shadows after sending an arrow whistling past Melaina’s ear into the troll.

Gideon does Chill Touch and rolls TWO D8 now because he’s level 5, hahahaha! Kessler does two Lightning Launchers, and then Ahleqs does Firebolt again and hits with a 24 for 13 damage. Fire damage, it turns out, stops trolls regenerating.

One of the trolls bites Popcorn which Tarragon sees, goes bear and smashes the shit out of it. The next troll smashes the shit out of her and re-gnomes her. Gunna rolls a Nat 1 on his next CON save and goes wandering off in a random direction. He’s starting to get hungry, but all the food he can think of is too loud.

Oh yeah, he gets an extra attack! He gets a 9 for both, sits down in the water and asks Gideon “Seriously... are my legs wet?”

Gideon is hit for 20 HP but he don’t need ‘em. Oh wait, maybe he does. “Good golly!” He Acid Splashes for 8 damage and it dies. Gideon dissolves him into the grass. “Your corpse shall feed the insects and scavenger birds - wait no it won’t because I dissolved it”. He plants his feet on the ground and bellows. “GIDEON TROLL-SLAYER!”

Kessler spends five minutes squabbling with Gideon.

Gunna, upon realising that two characters can now cast Grease: “You do realise that this could end with two characters rubbing greasily up against each other?”

(Cue five minutes of porn jokes and ‘Have you seen Dwarves Gone Wild 4?’)

Ahleqs kills the last one with Firebolt; as far as he’s concerned he’s won, but as far as Joe is concerned he’s turned up to an idyllic mountain lake and befouled it with troll juice. The half elf thanks us for our help; Kessler tries to charge her for our services. Gunna is still uncertain as to whether or not he is wet; Ahleqs assures him that he is, so Gunna sits down in the water.

What are we doing? Looking for Tarragon’s boyfriend. He’s not her boyfriend, GODDDDDD. She definitely doesn’t have a nosebleed at the mention of Raeph.

The half-elf is called Arwaris and her mum has gone missing - she’s heading for Eihshara as well. Can she come with? There is a large confusing squabble. Arwaris asks Melaina if she’s a full blood elf, but Sophie is making a warm beverage and doesn’t hear so Matthew answers in character for her. “Yes.”

What kind? Sophie is back now so she can answer for herself. “The best kind. Wood elf.” Arwaris’ mum was a wood elf. Owing to her backstory, Gideon thinks we should bring her with us to Eihshara. Upon being told that there is five real, Gunna agrees. (Scribe’s note: I have no memory of writing ‘five real’ and no idea what I actually meant. If anyone remembers let me know.) Tarragon asks Arwaris how to spell her name, and spends five or so minutes saying it over and over to herself.

Do we want to go with her? She knows a safe place to camp. Yes please. She takes us to a waterfall at the base of the Star Mountains. Arwaris seems very interested in Melaina’s heritage, asking her many questions as we walk. Melaina insists she’s a mongrel and questions her back. Her mum is an elf from Ishara and Arwaris hasn’t seen her since she was a baby. Her father was human.

On Kessler’s watch a fog rolls in with dancing green lights at the base of one of the trees. They might be fey? Or fireflies. Gideon has a little splash bath on his watch. Gets distracted and rolls a 4 for his perception check, but he is squeaky clean. Joe puts My Beard by Shel Silverstein on the WhatsApp group chat.

Arwaris joins Tarragon on 3rd watch. T. rolls 18. She hears something like twigs snapping.

(Gunna rolls twice for the mushrooms and gets a 21 and a nat 1; good news is he’s come down, bad news is he’s shit himself.)

Tarragon rolls a 22 and sees a shadow moving around. She casts Entangle in the area, but whatever is there is not trapped by it. Roll initiative…

We mostly prepare attacks, with nothing in view to hit. Ahleqs starts awake with a tiny scream as is his wont, ignites Simon and holds him aloft. He asks what is the key area of concern; Arwaris says somewhere south. Ahleqs starts running north.

The roots here are difficult terrain, just as a note.

We hear something big moving around, but can’t pinpoint the direction. Fuck a duck.

Gunna says he has no idea what it is, but whatever it is it smells like shit.

Arwaris disappears into the shadows. Gideon is a little hazy; he can’t see anything wrong so he holds an Acid Splash. (Gross.) Melaina hides in the general tree-trunkiness and does a Perception check; she still cannot see anything even with a 21 so she holds a shot with her bow.

We spend another round listening and looking, but cannot perceive whatever this thing is. Ahleqs looks up into a tree; nothing.

Suddenly a Briarvex leaps out of the shadows to a chorus of ‘What’s a Briarvex’.

It Grasping Vine’s Tarragon, Kessler and Gideon. Rude. Then it gets two thorny fist attacks. Fuckin’ rude!

Arwaris disappears into shadow, with the Pass Without Trace from Tarragon on top of her sneak.

Some point near the start of the fight, Gunna gets shot with an arrow in the back. Hmmm.

The Briarvex punches Popcorn into unconsciousness but it specifically does non-lethal damage which we all notice; Tarragon drops her rage to heal him with Healing Word.

Ahleqs gets the thing in the end with Burning Hands. Then he gets hit with an arrow from somewhere. Hmmmm indeed. He and Gunna both took sneak attack damage. Hmmmm.

We hear voices in elvish and then common saying “Why don’t you just stay down?” Intrigue…

We call it there.