#crying in the shower fully clothed is a quality i look for in a man

[fribbitz]

Extras under the cut. I love you.

(Song: stupid horse by 100gecs from 1000gecs (2019))

I need him biblically,,,,,

[feelin-lo]

@aesopsbaby

Your little head cannon from anon, made me go feral. This is my retaliation. This is really rushed and is really bad so I'm sorry not sorry, this is motivation at its finest.

Blades clashed, blood was spilled, but whos?

A little backstory. Elves, high or not, work on a principal. If they stray too far from that principal then they change. That's what Orcs and Goblins are. A sub species of Elves that have "fallen from grace" per se.

And that day, Orcs ambushed the team, no one was injured, badly at least... but, for some reason, Raloris was silent for once. After they were all dead, he looked down at the bodies of orcs, silent, it was unsettling. None of them knew what was going on in Ralo's head, they never did, but Celtic, he had an idea. Celtic always knew. After that moment they had shared a few nights ago, that intoxicating passion under the glory of a meteor shower, Celtic could almost read Ralo's thoughts, just through how the man held himself.

He didn't even utter a word for hours, and it scared everyone, normally he was so loud and funny, even when he was low. They finally reached a familiar tavern, they went into their rooms and unpacked before coming downstairs again and sharing a round of drinks. Ralo sat alone, staring into the still full cup of Rum, hours after it was poured.

He was uneasy, and that made Celtic uneasy.

Suddenly, Raloris stood up and left, leaving his belongings but taking his weapons, and leaving the tavern. Celtic stood, walking to where Ralo sat and saw a sight he wasn't expecting, blood on the table and bits of cloth on the chair, that's when Celtic followed the High elf outside. He was shirtless, his shirt, cape and various dangling bits were all folded in a pile. He kept swinging at the training dummies with his polearm that were outside, he was muttering to himself and then shouting at himself, no one inside would hear him though, it's too loud.

"YOU WANNA END UP LIKE THEM?! WELL GUESS WHAT YOU USELESS SACK OF SHIT, YOU CANT. YOU ARENT EVEN WORTHY OF WHAT OUR ANCESTORS MADE OF US!" He yelled, cutting deeper into the dummy "NO WONDER FATHER HATED YOU SO MUCH! YOU CANT EVEN JUSTIFY IT." He kept going "THIS IS WHY NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!"

And with that, he decapitated the dummy, the stuffed head, hitting the floor. Raloris fell to his knees, sniffling, like he was crying. Since he wasn't moving anymore, Celtic got closer, able to get a better look of his teammates body, his arms and hands were decorated with bites while his torso was painted with seals and tomes.

A little Elven history lesson, like most creatures, Elves had a "Medieval" moment in their development. That was around 100 years ago, Raloris was about 21. It was right after his father died, since he was driven to madness, elves didn't know how to cure him. So they turned to their god for assistance. Painting Raloris with seals and tomes to seal the madness away.

"Raloris?" Celtic said, kneeling down and reaching a hand out, but stopping before his hand touched skin. "What?" Ralo sniffled, turning to meet Celtic's gaze "What's going on? You can talk to me you know." He said carefully.

"Do you know what Orcs are, Celtic?" Ralo asked, turning to meet him fully "Yeah, I'm aware, did it upset you when we killed them?" The leader asked but was met with a headshake "No. It just... It made me think." "That's dangerous"

"Why haven't I become a Half Orc yet? I'm so far from the ideals of my race. A disgrace to High elven kind. I'm not worthy, I'm not ANYTHING. IM NOT EVEN GIVEN THE FUCKING TIME OF DAY BY THEM!" he ranted, biting into his lip, with such a force that it drew blood, it dropped down his chin and down his chest with how deep it was.

"Elves are built upon Wisdom, correct? the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement; the quality of being wise. You. Are wise. Despite being driven so badly into mental instability, you are still so so wise." Celtic said, taking a handkerchief from his pocket and cleaning the blood, feeling the soft skin of the High elf "You know what the highest form of Wisdom is?" Celtic asked the crying Raloris, who shook his head in response "Kindness. It's kindness"

Celtic stood, helping Ralo up and grabbing his clothes "Let's go inside, you need an early night it seems"

Once they were in Celtics room, Ralo was a little safer in mind, he felt warm, soft "I have a question Raloris" Celtic said, approaching the still shirtless elf "do you... think, about that night. Where we kissed... more than once?" He asked, looking deep into the emerald of Ralo's eyes "How could I not? I've nearly had a quarter of my life and that's only happened to me once and it was you. It's always been you." Ralo confessed, slipping his shirt back on.

"You were calm." Celtic commented, sitting down on the bed, tapping the sheets, indicating to the Elf to sit down. And he did, slowly setting himself down on the sheets, closing his eyes and sighing.

"You bite yourself a Lot, you know?" Celtic commented, sliding his hand up the forearm of the manic, lining every scar and indent. With his other hand, he went from Ralo's shoulder blades and slowly glided down, tracing his back untill he was at his waist, then lower back but never further. They agreed on that boundary ages ago. "Let's get some sleep ok?" Celtic smiled, well, tried to smile, pulling back the quilt and watching as Ralo slid in, quiet as he went.

"Ralo... Earlier, you said that No one cares about you"

Raloris looked up at that, meeting the amber in his leader's eyes "Can I show you something?"

The elf nodded.

Celtic sat on Raloris' lap, sliding down and pulling the quilt over them, he then pressed his Lips to Raloris again, tasting what he did a few days ago, and wondering why it was so sweet. Ralo returned the favour, taking Celtic deeper, he was holding his tongue in his teeth, nibbling on it, but never hard enough to hurt, they kissed again and again an again, time slowly dissapeared around them, neither man caring about where they were or if anyone saw them. Celtic was focused on calming Raloris down, while the elf just held on for dear life, letting his leader do as he saw fit. He was the wise one after all.

Soon, all of their respective visions melted away as their entire worlds became... Eachother.

[writefandoms]

The Outfit

Levi x Female!Reader

Summary: You buy Levi a new outfit to wear during sexy times🥴 (NSFW, blowjobs)

Word Count: 2.1k

“What was that?”

The short captain scowled at your cocky expression, embarrassment mixing with anger in eyes.

“You heard me, dumbass.” Not being able to hold eye contact, his steel orbs wander to the wall beside him.

Being on Levi’s squad had a lot of advantages, it was well known that the Great Captain Levi chose only the best of the best for his team. So many cadets and new recruits looked up to you because of your skills. On top of that you were one of the only women on his squad, besides Petra. You couldn't help but feel pride when young girls would say you were their inspiration.

But that’s besides the point, your skill was enough to catch the might Captain’s eye. And after late nights of drinking and occasionally crying, you built a good relationship with the shorty. A relationship that turned into something less pure.

Now, the usually stoic and cold captain, is standing before you looking like a nervous teenager confessing his love to his crush.

“Sorry couldn’t hear you, Captain. Could you repeat that please?” The glint in your eyes didn’t match your innocent tone.

As much as he scoffs and glares, Levi loves this part of you. He sucked his teeth before staring straight at you, “I’ll wear the stupid dress.”

You knew what he was going to say, but making him say it himself only added to the satisfaction of cracking his armor.

“Oh? Why did you change your mind?” He obviously didn’t like the teasing because he swiftly turned around and stomped away, you could hear him muttering under his breath.

“I’ll see you later, Captain,” You call out to his fleeting form.

The clock ticked loudly throughout your empty room. Time always moved so slowly when you had to wait. Sitting in a sofa chair besides your bed, your boot taps against the wood floor. He was a clean freak, so he was definitely showering or something after such a long day.

It wasn’t much longer until you heard three light taps on your door, making you shake with anticipation.

Taking a deep breath you called for them to enter, trying to hide your excitement but probably failing horribly.

Your beloved Captain walks in, shutting the door behind him. ���Let’s get this over with.”

Smirking at his poor attempt at seeming bored you retort, “As I recall, you’re the one who said they wanted to do this.” Leaning back in your chair you cross your legs, “If you don’t want this then leave, you know I would never force you into anything you don’t want.”

Levi knew what you were doing, while you loved riling him up, consent was key in any healthy relationship. Ticking filled the room once again as Levi stayed glued to his spot by the door.

“Good. Lock the door.” A small clicking of the door locking followed quickly. He remained at the door awaiting further instruction.

“Back of the bottom drawer.” You pointed towards your dresser, watching as his small form moved swiftly across your room.

He crouched and opened the drawer, “Do you just throw your clothes in here?” he complains.

“Just keep looking.” You roll your eyes as he grumbles as he probably fights the urge to re-fold all your clothes.

You knew he found what he was looking for when he went completely silent. Standing up once again, this time with a black and white clump of fabric in his hand. He pinches a shoulder in each hand and lets the ruffled dress unravel.

He scans the outfit for a moment. It’s adorable in your opinion, him and the maid outfit. You were shopping with your squad mates when you saw the dress.

A black dress with a white trim that connects with a short black skirt, a white apron tied around the waist, and a pair of thigh high white socks. There were cute little black bows on the sleeves.

You couldn’t stop the dirty thoughts from attacking your brain and crotch, imagining Levi wearing such a sexy outfit. Not wanting to chance someone else taking it, you purchased it right then, jokingly bringing it up to Levi a couple days ago. But it seems that seed only grew in the Captain's dirty mind.

“You like it?” Now standing behind him peering over his shoulder, worrying that he might not like the style.

“It’s not wrinkled like all your other clothes.” That’s a yes, you grin.

Pressing your chest against his back, your arms wrap around his waist. “You’re gonna look so perfect.” He shutters as you kiss a trail down his neck.

“Now go get dressed.” Pulling away he looks at you with a dazed look on his face, only nodding and walking to your personal bathroom.

Once the door fully shut you let out a small squeal of joy, unable to contain yourself any longer. Nothing is more attractive than a man who isn’t consumed by his own pride. Of course a man can be masculine, live your life however you want, but when it becomes the end all be all then it’s an issue.

Being comfortable with your body is an attractive quality, one that Levi most certainly doesn’t lack. This fact is only solidified when he exits the bathroom, maid outfit wrapped snugly around his form.

His normally small waist was more apparent with the apron tied around him, his hips appeared larger due to the flare of the black skirt. Underneath the skirt revealed his smooth pale thighs. That soft skin on both sides of your head, gently squeezing you as you worked him to the edge with your mouth. That’s a feeling you're all too familiar with.

Unfortunately, the remainder of his legs are covered by a thin white material. Disappointment quickly fades as you take in the white stockings on his slender legs, somehow the extra piece of cloth made the outfit feel more lewd.

“My eyes are up here,” he snaps at you as your eyes begin to linger to unholy places, “Stop looking at me like I’m a piece of meat.”

“Aw, but you look so beautiful it’s hard not to stare.” His cheeks turn pink at your compliment, but doesn’t respond.

“I gave you a compliment,” you place a finger under his chin tilting his head back, giving him a faux look of sadness. “So what do you say?”

His eyes widen at the authoritative tone in your voice, legs unconsciously squeezing together. “T-thank you…”

Hearing Levi stutter is a rarity that blesses you more than anyone in the Survey Corps. He is clearly struggling to maintain his composure.

You’ve only touched his chin and he’s already turning red and pulling his skirt to hide his growing bulge.

“Of course,” pulling your hand away, you swear he chases after your touch before controlling himself and remaining still. “Now I have a few ideas about how we can spend the night.” You sit back on your sofa chair, motioning for him to approach you.

He takes a few steps until his legs are touching yours. Spreading your legs, pulling him closer, his knees bump into the front of your chair. Hands gripping his elbows slowly sliding down to hold his hands.

Leaning forward, you rest your chin against his chest peering up at him. Due to his short stature, he’s only about a foot taller than you, when you’re sitting down. Pupils blown out, pink cheeks, and racing pulse. All telltale signs of your captains excitement.

“You’re beautiful.” Silver eyes widen a touch, clearly not expecting the praise. Quickly masking his surprise, he rolls his eyes and scoffs.

Chuckling slightly at the man's childish behavior, you release one of his hands. Fingers dancing along the front of his dress, the light touches making him press his lips together to prevent any sounds from escaping.

“So sensitive tonight, Levi.” Before he can retort, your fingers pinch his right nipple.

He arches into you, a small gasp followed by a low moan as you twist the hardening bead between your fingers.

“And so cute.”

“Shut… Aah… up.”

“Let’s take this to the bed, yeah?” He pulls away and goes to sit on your bed. You take a moment to take off your boots, knowing he’ll throw a fit if he sees you wearing shoes in bed.

Levi’s sitting at the foot of the bed, with his legs dangling over the side. Such an innocent position gives you the nastiest idea.

Rounding the bed, you sit on your knees on the ground in front of him.

“What the hell are you doing? You know how filthy that floor is?” His endless questions are silenced when you place a hand on his knee, slowly moving upwards.

“I thought I’d give you a little appetizer before we got to the main course.” Grinning widely you place your other hand on his other thigh, “Well I guess I’ll be the only one eating.”

“Such a shitty joke…” You lift up the front of his skirt, only to find he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. A very welcomed surprise.

“Boxers would have looked weird.” He’s looking off to the side, clearly sensing your next question.

For someone who seemed so against the idea, he was actually worried about ruining the aesthetic?

But you keep your teasing to yourself, not wanting to make him stomp off. You let his skirt fall back over his thighs.

Leaning forward, he shudders at the gentle trail of kisses as your lips travel up his stocking clad knees. Moving higher with each kiss, closer to the exposed skin of his thigh. Kisses turn into love bites, leaving a trail of crescent indentions and saliva along the inside of his thigh.

It only takes a few touches and his dick is already straining against the ruffled material. Instead of holding the skirt up, you opt to just throw it over your head, hiding your face from Levis' line of vision.

“Hey- Ah!” Your fingers wrap around his cock, giving it a slow jerk. Already drops of precum leak from it’s reddened tip.

“Ahh!” He moans above you, sounds slightly muffled from the layers of clothing above you.

Speeding up your jerking, you lean closer towards his dick and give it a few licks. All the way up the shaft, reveling in the slight quivers of his thighs. Parting your lips you take in the tip, giving it a light suck. Levi lets out a loud groan above you, his hand now on the top of your head.

His noises only encourage you to move your head faster, taking him deeper in your mouth. Obscene noises fill your ears and mix with his moans of pleasure.

Swirling your tongue around his tip, the salty precum hits the back of your throat the more you suck. His thighs spasm, squeezing tightly around your head. An obvious sign that he won’t last another minute.

Pulling him out of your mouth with a wet pop, you push the skirt off from over your head.

“It was so hot down there-” You cut yourself off once you caught sight of his expression.

His face was beyond hot. He looked absolutely fucked.

A thin layer of sweat covered his face, redness across his cheeks and ears, and a trail of drool trailing down his chin.

Although you just had his dick in your mouth, the look on his face is what makes you clench your thighs together. A familiar wetness building between your legs.

Standing up so quickly, you got a bit of a head rush. Levi jumps at your sudden movement, looking up at your hungry gaze. He bends his knees and pushes himself backwards up the bed. You follow after him, crawling on your knees towards him.

“I can’t wait to fucking destroy you.” You can see him visibly shiver at your dominant tone.

“Then hurry up…” He demands, a slight tremble in his voice.

Oh god. This man will be the death of me.

Pressing a palm against his chest, you push him down to lay against the pillows.

“Relax, baby.” The small resistance he meets you with melts at your words, “Let me take care of you.”

Laying flat on your stomach, you move his legs so they’re bent over your shoulders.

“Comfortable?” He shifts his hips down a bit before nodding. “Good. Remember two taps to stop.”

The heels of his feet dig into your back, pulling you closer to his torso. A silent plea to shut up and make him forget all his worries.

“Okay, okay!” So pushy, shorty.” He glares but says nothing, as you lift the front of the skirt.

“Now be a good Captain, and keep your voice down.” He grunts as you take the leaking tip into your mouth, giving a gentle suck.

Pulling away with a ‘pop’, fingers wrapping around his shaft jerking at a quick pace.

“We don’t wanna wake our comrades, do we?”

I hope this 2k word self-indulgent fanfic of Levi in a maid outfit makes up for my month absence☺️ Please tell me what y’all think❤️

[airis-paris14]

Dress Up 7

Summary: She’s not his fiancée, but no one else needs to know...

1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8

“Your father does not sound convinced that you are doing something legal here during your time away from home,” T’Challa smiled as he carried Sirobie along the grassy hill. “He will never be fully convinced. I’m far away from home and I may have been a little conniving when I was younger.”

T’Challa paused to hitch her higher on his back. “How conniving is a little?” The king laughed as Sirobie buried her face in his neck. “Let’s not talk about it,” she groaned laughter shaking her chest. “I think they like you though,” Sirobie broke the silence after their laughter calmed down. “You think so?” The king helped her slide off his back. “Yeah, especially Soleil, she wants to come see your big house now,” Sirobie laughed. The student helped the king to unfold and spread the long blanket his mother had forced them to bring along after kicking them out of the palace. 

Queen Ramonda had pushed T’Challa out of a special meeting he’d been in all day with her, Shuri,  and Okoye and demanded that he seek out Sirobie's company. When the king had found her speaking with her family, he jumped into the conversation and tried to reassure her father that he and his family only had the purest of intentions with his daughter.

Well, they weren’t as pure as they could be on his end, but they were the feelings any man has for the woman he loves. Did T'challa love Sirobie?  He watched as the student settled on the grass and bent over to begin unpacking the basket they’d packed before heading out. As he watched her movements he knew that he was definitely head over heels in love with her, it’d only been three months, but she felt like his soulmate. Sirobie was everything he didn’t know he was looking for and it was perfect. They complimented each other and he wanted to stand at the edge of this cliff and shout it to the world, but he was spoken for. In a week, she’d be leaving him and they would most likely never cross paths again.

Her warm hand on his face startled him out of his thoughts, “Are you alright T’Challa?” The king nodded and sighed. “Sirobie,” he gently grabbed her hands, “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want to scare you.” He pulled the graduating senior into his lap. “You can tell me anything, I am not leaving you to go anywhere willingly,” She encouraged. He moved his hands to her waist, “I’m in love with you Sirobie. I know its only been a little over a month, but I know it deep down in my soul. You are my soulmate and it is killing me that I have to let you go.”

Tears pricked Sirobie’s eyes and she smiled, “ You know it is killing me to leave too. I honestly don’t know if I am in love, but I do know that if this isn’t love, I don’t want love.” She caressed his beard and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss heated up and sirobie found her back against the soft blanket beneath them. She moaned and widened her legs so that T’Challa could move closer to her in between them. She felt him against her thigh and whimpered as he pressed himself into her but pulled back. Sirobie opened her eyes that she hadn’t realized slipped closed, “What, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to do this out here,” The king stood and pulled her up with him, he began pulling her down the hill and Sirobie laughed almost tripping over herself. “T’Challa slow down! What about the basket?”

“We will send someone out for it. I have some very important business to attend to right now,” The king scooped her up bridal style and hustled her down the hill. Their laughter rang out as they made a way to the palace. 

“My queen, princess, where is T’Challa?” Okoye walked into the room and paused, noticing the missing king. 

Ramonda and Shuri looked up from the contract they had been studying for the past two weeks.”He is out on a picnic with Sirobie, why what is wrong?”

“We have a lead. We believe the youngest Habredis boy acted of his own accord” the general moved further into the room. “He tried to kill T’Challa?” Shuri moved around the desk to face the general.”With T’Challa out of the way-”

“He could be king by marrying Shuri. Or so he assumed,” Ramonda finished. “Which is a much more viable position than having his sister be queen or marrying the princess and only bringing her home to his country.” Okoye theorized.

“Not like I’d wanna go anyway,” Shuri scoffed. “Shuri, call your brother,” Ramonda glanced out of the window before looking back at the other women,” I’d say that attempted assassination is a breech of contract, wouldn’t you general?”   

Sirobie swiped at the air as T’Challa pressed kisses all over her face. “Leave me alone,” she moaned, pulling the soft sheets closer around her naked body. “My mother is calling me for an emergency meeting, but I’ll be back later. Put on something nice, I wanna go out to dinner then finish what we started,” he smirked and pressed a kiss to her lips. Sirobie nodded sleepily, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” the king pushed her braids out of her face and kissed her forehead. 

“Well, I see you got further than I ever did.” Sirobie groaned as a voice invaded her sleep. She fluttered her eyes open and jumped as Kamyra appeared in her vision. She clutched the sheets to her chest. “You know, if I didn’t hate kids so much, I’d get him to knock me up too, then maybe my duties would be fulfilled and I could leave this hell hole.”

“It is not that bad,” Sirobie interjected. “If that’s how you feel,” Kamyra shrugged and hopped off of the end of the bed. She moved to a suitcase in the corner and began unpacking. “I’m glad you had your fun, but I’m sure you know what comes next,” the woman held out her hand with Sirobie’s student ID in it. 

Sirobie slowly reaches for the card, tears flooding her eyes. “Please stop crying. All you had to do was pretend to be me. No one told you to go and get your feelings involved,” Kamyra pushed her to move faster out of the bed, holding the sheets closed behind Sirobie walking her into the hall and down to her guest room. “Get showered and get dressed. Somebody already packed up your student apartment and your things will be waiting for you on the plane.” 

Sirobie could do nothing more than nod as the true princess slammed the room door shut. The artist let the tears run down her face faster and dropped the bed sheets she’d been dragging. She took a quick shower and came out to find Eshe, Lesedi, and Kasigo waiting for her with bags packed. “We saw lady Kamyra and came to say goodbye and help you pack,” Eshe offered a sad smile while the other two wiped tears. 

The other ladies in waiting nodded, “all of your shoes, jewelry, skin care, dresses, clothes, everything we packed up for you. It’s a lot, but it’s all yours and maybe you’ll be able to remember us by it.” Lesedi smiled and wrung her hands together. “I also called my cousin that’s a war dog in America. His friend in DC is gonna be there to pick you up and make sure you get all of your things back to your dorm.”

Sirobie couldn’t help herself as she pulled all the women into a hug. From the time she first set foot in the palace they’d been her backbone. From favors to just gossiping friends, they’d made her months here a lot less scary and she’d truly owe them for that. Kasigo was the first to step back from the hug. Her eyes were red and her hands were continuously dabbing away tears, “and when you win a Grammy I expect an invitation to come to the states to see you.” The women broke out into laughter and tears. 

“Of course, I promise,” Sirobie sniffled. Eshe walked over to the door and grabbed a large leather portfolio bag, “here are all of your paintings and sketches. I thought you might like to carry these personally.” 

Sirobie nodded and all of the women frowned. “Well we better get you on a plane before Lady Kamyra has our heads for holding you up,” Kasigo sighed. “I wrote down the instructions on how to write to us and slipped them in your tote, so you can stay in contact. The Zula’s at the post office agreed to help smuggle your letters into the palace.” 

Sirobie beamed, “thank you guys for everything. I’ll write as soon as I get back in my dorm and send some pictures.” 

“Especially your graduation photos.” Lesedi demanded before she and Kasigo headed out of the room with two bags each. “Eshe,” Sirobie called before her lady in waiting could leave the room, “I painted this as a gift for T’Challa,” she pointed to the canvas setting covered by a cloth in the corner, “I was supposed to have it framed this afternoon. Would you mind having it framed for me and then giving it to him since I won’t be able to?” 

“It would be my pleasure,” Eshe reassured her. 

 Kamyra was standing at the jet pad by herself. Sirobie looked around wondering where the Queen, Shuri, and T’Challa were. “They are not coming and they won’t know you are gone until I walk in and announce I am home.” Kamyra started, “Now I am grateful for the opportunity you provided me to experience college, but I am not sorry that you cannot stay. No one told you to go and fall in love or make close bonds. They are not your family. You knew this was going to end at some point. You got to be rich for two months, I got to be a student. We both got what we wanted. But you cannot have T’Challa.”  

“Mother,” T’Challa rushes into the room. “What is going on?”

“Well you took your sweet time getting here,” Shuri snickered, noticing her brother's beaming smile.

“I was spending some quality time with Sirobie and I was not the most excited in the world to leave her-“

“And you won’t have to,”Ramonda interrupted, “We can break the contract.” T’Challa’s eyes widened, “you are serious?” 

“Yes genius!” Shuri grinned. The king pulled his mother and sister into a hug, “I have to go tell Sirobie. If she wants to stay. We have so much to plan! She already took a job in LA. Will we do long distance? What if she wants to work here-“

“First, we have to annul the contract and that is going to be a little tricky,” the queen interrupted his rambling. “What do you mean, what is the loophole?” 

“Kamyra’s brother tried to kill you.” 

T’Challa paused and stared at his little sister. Ramonda stepped in, “that gives us ample cause to terminate the agreement. But Kamyra was not in on the plan which complicates things. We know how her family is and it would be unfair to put her in danger by not going about this in the wrong way.” 

“Which means I can’t tell her now,” T’Challa frowned. “Exactly, we have to pretend that everything is fine. If Sirobie knows she could become a target as well and we cannot protect her from them in the US without raising suspicions and causing a whole lot of US and Wakandan relations political problems.” 

T’Challa nodded and sighed, “So we stick to the original plan, move up the wedding and once all the elders are assembled move for annulment.”

“It is for the best,” Ramonda reassured her son and pulled him into a hug. “I know mama, I just hope Sirobie can hold on that long. 

Sirobie watched the land disappear behind her from the large jet window and sank lower into her seat. She reached up and unclasped the vibranium necklace around her neck. Tears stung her eyes as she slid off her engagement ring and pulled it onto the chain. She replaced the necklace around her neck and tucked it into her shirt, ready to bury everything in her memories. The Howard student leaned against the wall and let the ship, and tears, lull her to sleep. 

“None of you ever saw this. That girl left of her own accord,” Kamyra warned all of the attending servants, kings guard members, and Dora Milaje before waking back inside. The runaway stalked into T’Challa’s bedroom and noticed a sketch of him and Sirobie cuddled together on a couch. Blood boiling she crushed the paper in her hands and rushed out on the balcony where she saw a candlelit dinner set up. “Sorry loverboy, but neither of us gets to have a happy ending.” Kamyra hangs the water color Sirobie painted of her, across from T’Challa’s bed and grabs the dress she sees hanging in the closet with Sirobie’s name on it. 

“Lady Sirobie,” the pilot called as the student headed away from the ship. Sirobie looked on with surprise as the woman abandoned the craft to come hug her. “You will truly be missed by everyone in the palace. Please keep in touch through Kasigo, Lesedi, and Eshe.”

The pilot stepped back and Sirobie smiled. “I will. Thank you again for everything.”

 The warrior crossed her arms before stepping back onto the ship. After loading her four suitcases into Lesedi’s friend’s truck, he helped her lug everything up to her apartment door before he took off to get to work. She reached for her keys before someone screamed, “Oh my god, you’re back!”

Sirobie saw her best friend hurrying down the hall. “At least I think it’s you, you have your own key and a suitcase-”

“Kamyra was here?” Sirobie interrupted, the blood in her veins heating up. “Yeah! She just showed up trying to pretend to be you. Once she realized she could fool me she said that y’all had decided to trade places. Not that I minded, but I would have liked a heads up! I had no idea who shawty was. Walking up here like she pay rent,” the other student huffed, grabbing two of the suitcases and helping her friend bring them in. 

“It wasn’t planned. She stole my identity and left me in Wakanda.”

“There was a criminal living in our house?! Why didn’t you call?”

Sirobie pushed her bags into her room and mentally decided to wash her sheets. Not that she thought that Kamrya was dirty or disrespectful, but the thought of touching anywhere she’d been was enough to set her off. “I just learned how to call my own family a few days ago. And I didn’t know she was here. How’d she even get my address?”

“Who knows,” the other roommate plopped on the bed as Sirobie surveyed her room. Everything was in place except for a package on her desk. “They delivered your cap and gown this morning,” Sirobie grabbed scissors and pried the box open as her friend explained. “I can’t believe we’re graduating,” the artist sighed.

“I know, but I am so glad you're back. I really missed you Ro.” 

Sirobie placed the mortar board and gown back in the box. “I missed you too Niyah,” she grinned and tackled her roommate in a hug. Laughter filled the air as Daniyah pushed her longtime friend off of her. “Did you ever decide where you are going to med school?” Sirobie asked. She stood and began unpacking her new pieces. “Well I got a letter in the mail yesterday from Southern California, and I got the Geffmen!”

“Are you serious!” Sirobie screamed and jumped with her friend, “You’re going to Med School for free!”

“I know! And what about you, any job offers?”

Sirobie frowned, thinking back to the conversation she’d had with T’Challa, “I took a job as a production assistant on Insecure,” she plopped on to her bed, fishing the sketch of her and T’Challa out of her bag.

“That’s great! We love that show!”

“I know-”

“Wait what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just remembering when I told someone else about that job offer.”

“One of your friends in Wakanda? They weren’t happy about it?”

“No, he was ecstatic, he pushed me to accept it,” Sirobie smiled wanly. “He?!” DaNiyah dropped onto the bed. “Girl, you are holding out on me! What happened in Wakanda?”

Sirobie untucked her necklace from her shirt and twiddled the ring between her fingers, a habit she’d picked up when it was on her finger, and it had seemed to carry over to it on the necklace. DaNiyah’s eyes widened when she saw the huge diamond. “It’s a long story.”

“Girl, I have nothing but time. So start talking.”

T’Challa’s knee bounces as he waits for Sirobie to come out of the bathroom. He took a sip of the wine from his glass to calm his nerves. His selfish side wanted to tell Sirobie tonight that he’d found a loophole. That she didn’t have to leave right away, but he knew that he couldn’t. One, she would have to leave anyway. He would not keep her from finishing her last months of college. He figured she had friends and places that she’d miss once walking across that stage. She loved her school and he heard it in her voice every time she talked to him about it. Second, if he wanted there to be a chance for them to work, he would have to handle the Kamyra situation with the utmost caution. He did not want anyone suspecting or accusing Sirobie of anything. If the Habredis were bold enough to attempt an assassinaation in his own country, there was no telling how far they would go to get revenge if they realized Sirobie was the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with.

T’Challa paused once his rushing thoughts caught up with him. Spend the rest of his life with Sirobie?  Sure, he’d ‘proposed’ but the thought itself was new. It did not scare him or feel weird to even imagine. It felt perfect. It set off butterflies in his stomach but he could not imagine life happening in any other way. His memories wandered back to the orphanage when Sirobie cradled the newborn baby. She looked so beautiful and at ease. He wanted her to hold a child they created together like that. With love pouring out of her breathtaking brown eyes. He now knew why the scenario felt right in that moment. His heart had known that he would fall in love with every facet of her within the short time she would be in his life. Now that she was leaving, he saw a large Sirobie hole being left in her wake and he could not let it go unfilled. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat startled him out of his thoughts. The king shot up, but his smile fell as quickly as it was raised. “Kamyra,” the king spit.

The princess poked her lip out in an exaggerated pout, “You did not miss me my love?”

“Where is Sirobie,” he grit. Kamyra waved his concerns off. “She’s fine,” the runaway grabbed her glass of wine off of the table and took a sip, “probably in her apartment unpacking. When we met up this morning, she insisted on leaving without saying goodbye. I tried to tell her to at least say goodbye but-”

“Why don’t I believe you,” the king sneered. “Because T’Challa,” Kamyra took a sip and settled on one of the chairs, “You want desperately to believe that we can find love, end this contract and be happy, but it’s time that we both get real.”

“And what would that look like Kamyra?”

“Realizing that we’re both just pawns in an elaborate game. We’re both stuck! Might as well accept fate and be miserable together,” she raised her glass in a mock toast, waiting for T’Challa to join. 

“Says the woman who threw a temper tantrum then ran away for three months,” the king took his glass to the head before placing the empty cup on the table and strolling out of the room.

Taglist: @sarahboseman @waitingonafriend-blog @thiccdaddy-mbaku @sarcastic-sunshines @ororowrites @derangedcupcake @mzbritt @leahnicole1219 @dramaqueeenamby @marvelheaux @skysynclair19 @halfrican-heat @kaciidubs @queertrex @kumkaniudaku @purple-apricots @autumn242 @thedelightfulone @90sinspiredgirl @royallyprincesslilly @wikiwakanda @chaneajoyyy @sisterwifeudaku @sarahboseman @tchoking @almostpurelysmut

[yourghastlycloseness]

weird dreams on doubled dosage of lexa. included visuals and film quality from a 2000s japanese film (think lily chou-chou, pulse) and the fashion, the hair. there’s a pink-purple hued room where people have to live out their traumatic memories over and over again. one guy keeps recounting the night he murdered his abusive father in the barn. it’s uncomfortable to watch because the viewers are told exactly how it will play out.

a mannequin is suspended mid-air with the help of these wires and clips (?) to film a tentacle sex scene. throwing in a ooh weird japan moment.

two girls styled like twenty-somethings from the early 2000s (stringy layered, shoulder-length hair, ribbed sleeveless tops, and short denim skirts) press their chests against each other and start making out. the whole things descends into clothed yuri sexual chaos, and i’m somehow on the floor, leaning against the left leg of a middle-aged (40-something) man in a suit, seated on a sofa, watching this scene. my head on the side of his thigh, cheek grazing his suit trousers; i can feel his warmth through the fabric, but i can’t tell if he is excited by the scene because he doesn’t stir.

cut to two strangers who each stand a lift door that isn’t fully closed. there’s the slightest gap in both their lift doors and they’re both peeking out of the opening to get a look at each other. they go from smiling at each other like psychos to looking like they’re in love but can’t do anything about it. then the space behind them turns purple-pink. they are trapped in the lifts, having to listen to all the traumatic things they’ve gone through in their lives without turning around to look at them, and watching each other’s trauma through the small openings in their lifts.

back to a full view of the purple-pink room. sissy spacek comforts a handsome young crying man she is attracted to. i’m reading a wikipedia page on the scene. she will eventually do something sinister to him. it’s unclear if i’m working on a film or a viewer.

there are drain flies in my shower. i’m trying to kill them, then an abnormally large one appears.

a woman at a skincare clinic says you must have no more than 42 pores on your face else you’re doomed.

outside my bedroom, there is murky pond full of old swimsuits i was once small enough to wear or saw but didn’t buy, like the red and white arena triangle crotch (?) cut and an arena full-body suit with pink borders. mom was helping me fish out the old suits but the pond water was toxic. some of it got onto me. left a burning sensation on my face.

[kirishibi]

Hi so my birthday is kind of soon and because of quarantine we kind of have to “skip” it for the time being, so could I request Shinso, Kaminari, Bakugou, and Kirishima fluff? Sorry if it’s a lot please skip this if you don’t was to do it, love your writing m ♥️♥️♥️

Pairings: Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader, Kaminari Denki x Reader, Kirishima Ejirou x Reader, Bakugou Katsuki x Reader, Todoroki Shoto x Reader

a/n: okay first of all I just wanna say i'm so sorry this took a while to get out. having to ‘skip’ your birthday is unfortunate to say the least, but i hope your day is/was everything you could have asked for and more! here’s some of the boys celebrating with you while in quarantine - happy birthday lovely!

Shinsou Hitoshi

Even without a pandemic, Shinsou wouldn’t be the type to throw a large celebration

Instead, he prefers to make your day special in another way

The day goes by relatively normally, and for a moment you wonder if your characteristically stoic partner has anything planned

Around sunset, though, he asks if you would mind waiting in your bedroom for a little while while he sets up your present

“You didn’t think I had nothing planned, did you? Have I set expectations that low?” He questions with a chuckle

You do as he asks, busying yourself in your room until your surprise is ready

After 20 minutes or so he knocks on the door, signaling for you to come out

What you find, stepping into your common room, brings tears to your eyes

Framed photos of your dates, holidays, and some lazy nights in together decorate every surface of your shared apartment

Carefully placed, lit candles dot the areas surrounding your pictures, illuminating the room with a soft glow

He was very careful not to light too many and set off your fire alarm

“These are all of my favorite memories.” He begins, “To me, it never matters what we’re doing or where we’re going. As long as you’re by my side, I’m the happiest man in the world.”

He presents you with a carefully wrapped box

Inside sits a ring

You realize it matches the one already on his finger

“Now, I’m not asking you to marry me just yet, but want us to have something that ties us together after all of this is over. That way no matter how far my work takes me, we’re always close in some way. I love you, (Y/n), happy birthday.”

Kaminari Denki

Kaminari is… overwhelmed to say the least

He’s never been great at planning, and especially not planning birthday celebrations for the person he loves most in the world

Due to this, he decides to enlist a little help to make the day perfect

He orders in your favorite restaurant for dinner, along with your favorite flowers

He takes extra care to transfer your meal over onto a fancy plate to make it look extra special

He sets the flowers in an ornate vase the same color as your eyes

“I know it’s not much,” He nervously chuckles, rubbing the back on his neck with one hand “But I’ve got one more surprise. Promise!”

After you both finish eating, he ushers you over to your computer

With a few clicks, you’re connected to a video call

Slowly, all of your closest friends begin to pour into the call, joyous exclamations of “Happy birthday, (Y/n)!” echoing throughout the room

Everyone from Class A is there, along with a few friendly faces from B

Kaminari slips away for a moment, reentering the room with a handful of confetti poppers

Everyone on the call readies one of their own

Yes, he shipped confetti poppers to all of your friends in preparation for today

Everyone begins to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you, though due to lag, the words don’t sync up perfectly and the song is a bit off-tune

At the end of the song, confetti showers the webcams of all of your closest friends, and Kaminari pops the final container, covering you with multicolored streamers

With a shy kiss on your cheek, he whispers in your ear through the sounds of your peers laughing and chatting amongst themselves, “Sorry it’s not much, but happy birthday. Love ya, cutie”

Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou sees your birthday as more of a challenge than anything else

This is going to be the best goddamn birthday you’ve ever had. No ifs, ands, or buts about it

No way is he going to order in food from some lame ass restaurant, either

They can’t make your favorite dish half as well as he can, how dare you even entertain that thought

You awake to a large tray of extra fluffy pancakes, eggs, and sauteed vegetables, accompanied by a side of tea and small cup of warm syrup for your pancakes if desired

When you thank him, he waves a dismissive hand 

“Shaddup. What, did you think I wouldn’t treat my girl to some breakfast in bed? What kinda man do ya think I am, huh?”

Lunch goes much the same, with him cooking a high quality, but lighter meal for you in preparation for dinner 

You spend the day watching your favorite shows together and chatting

For dinner, he pulls out all the stops

Sets up a table on your apartment’s balcony with white table cloth, red roses, and tea candles lining the railing

The only food he allows to be delivered is your birthday cake at the end of the night

He claims he couldn’t be bothered to cook yet another thing for you

Truthfully, he had never baked a cake before and just didn’t want to screw it up

Refuses to sing for you at first 

If you say please enough times, though, he will sing a very off-tune ‘Happy Birthday’

Don't you dare giggle, because he will throw the entire cake off the balcony 

As you blow out your candles, he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you into a kiss

“I fucking love ya, (Y/n). Happy birthday or whatever.”

Kirishima Ejirou

Like Bakugou, he decides to make you breakfast in bed

Lacking his best friend’s culinary skills, however, crispy waffles with a side of fresh fruit is the best he can do

When you thank him, he has to stop from crying happy tears

Kirishima feels the worst out of all of them that you have to spend your birthday in quarantine 

So, any signs of appreciation for his efforts from you will hit him 10x harder

“You’re my baby, of course I want to give you the birthday of your dreams! I’d give the moon if I could!”

All he wants is to make your day special

He orders your favorite restaurant for dinner, fully aware that if he tried to cook by himself he’d burn the kitchen down along with your meal

After dinner, he pulls two boxes of cake mix from their hiding spot under your kitchen sink

“I wanted us to make your cake together. You know, to make it extra special”

He presents you with matching red aprons 

You will definitely want to wear yours because this boy is a messy baker

When your cake is finished baking and fully iced, he makes you pose in front of it for a picture

He posts it to every social media profile he has because “The cake looks almost as you do - of course I gotta brag to our friends!”

After enjoying a slice of your cake, which turned out surprisingly well, he ruffles your hair with a gentle hand.

“Happy birthday, babe! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the dishes”

Todoroki Shoto

Endeavor’s credit card comes in very handy in planning your birthday

Sure, Shoto could have used his own card, but spiting his father is just too much fun

You enter your living room to a large pile of presents

The pile is about half your height, stretching nearly high enough to reach your chest

Shoto is aware you aren’t a shallow person, nor are you one to put so much weight on material possessions, but he didn’t know what else to do

The pure baby doesn’t quite understand yet how to express his love for you without the help of gifts and expensive gestures

It takes nearly two hours to unwrap all of them, and by the end you’re both fairly exhausted

For dinner, Shoto cooks you the meal his mom always used to make for him on his birthday

“Birthdays were…” He pauses, choosing his next words carefully “hard. Mom’s cooking always made them better. I know today isn’t everything you hoped it would be, so I thought maybe a good meal would help” he says with an unsure smile

You help him cook, though he protests, instead urging you to relax and enjoy your day

He doesn't quite understand that enjoying your day means spending it by his side

Your meal is delicious, the thought behind it only serving to make the food taste better

After all of the dishes are washed and set out to dry, he ushers you to the sofa, wrapping you both up in your favorite fluffy blanket. 

For the grand finale, he allows you to put on any movie you’d like 

He says you can even play that cheesy romcom you’d been begging for him to watch with you

“We can do or watch whatever you want. I just want to make you happy. You make everything in my life better, (Y/n), I just want to do the same for you.”

[iraniq]

Fuzzy

part I 

I slowly woke up with a horrible headache, and a fuzzy mind. I gently moved, my leg was stiff. I wanted to roll to my back, but I felt something... Someone. Their hand was on me and I heard a growl when I moved. 

"Perfect, another idiot who thinks he owns me, because we fucked".

  - I have to pee, move! - I hissed, not waiting for an answer and rushed looking for the bathroom....

The room was huge, like terribly huge. I almost lost it, till I saw a marble floor behind one of the wood decorated walls. I did my job, and went back to bed. Since Mr. Ladie's boy was rich I was gonna let him be and spoil myself. 

"I deserve some quality me time after this hectic week!"

I jumped back in and he hugged me again. Lying his head on my shoulder.

  - I am not a pillow!

  - Why not, you are plump. - his sleepy voice was deep and actually sounded good.

"Did he just?"

  - I am sorry... - I was fed up and started to get up.

  - Shush... I didn't meant it that way... Stay... - he growl the last one.

I layed back and he hugged me again. Fixing half his body on me.

  - Are you hungry? - he mumbled half asleep.

  - Always! 

He shifted and I felt his hand moving the hair off my face. I felt his lips so close to my cheek... Then his phone rang. 

He put his hand on the bed, so he could get up more and reached for his phone. He had this odd red shaped tattoo on his hand. He sat on me grabbing his phone. I lied on my back, trying to wake up. To get rid of the dizziness. He sat comfortably on me, fixing his posituon while using my gello belly as a holder. In just a seconds I heard him yelling on the phone on some other language. His voice sounded familiar, till I finally looked up to him...

... It was the green haired pale and heavy tattooed Clown Prince of Crime. He proceed to talk, I didn't understand, but by the way he talked it looked like he was explaining something. His voice was low and stern. 

Don't know why but he sounded so hot. Half naked, sitting on top of me... I had sex with him least night, it finally hit me... 

He looked at me, while nodding his head, winked at me. I awkwardly smiled. He then hang up and lied on top of me. 

  - Want breakfast, fluffy?

I blinked several times staring at the celing, trying not to cry. I was both impassioned and intimidated.

"What have I involved myself into?"

*

I got out of my trans by his voice, he was asking if I was hungry.

  - You hungry, little bear?

  - Am... Maybe, why not... - I had no idea what to say. If I say 'no' he might get offended, if I say 'yes' he might have fun of me, for having too much breakfasts in my life. - Yes, maybe something light.

  - Like you?

  - Ha... - my heart skipped several beats.

  - You were my light breakfast this morning... - he growled - I am starving! - he got up of me, slapping my thigh and walked to the door. - Jump jump, cupcake, food won't drag itself! 

I covered myself with the first piece of clothing I saw and run after him. 'Being sort sucks' - I thought after running and triping in the long sheet.

He entered a huge kitchen and I slowly followed. He opened the fridge and got some stuff out. 

  - Toasts with avocado?

  - Can I have them with butter... Please?

  - Help yourself ... - he pointed at the open fridge. 

This thing was stashed for the end of the world. I picked the butter and some jam. As the toasts were ready he put 2 for me too, and prepared his. Poured himself some juice. I prepared my breakfast too and got a cup of juice as well. He led me to a huge couch on the balcony. It was around noon. There were huge curly clouds moving around the sky. My stomach was growling. This wasn't enough, I didn't had dinner, only light lunch... Then I went to the club with... 

  - Shit... My friend! Do you... - I turned towards him, he was just biting his toast, his hair was in the mashed avocado as well. - Did you... by any chance saw my friend... Last night, at the bar? 

  - Hmmh. - he mumbler while chewing and shaked his head for a 'no'. 

  - Damn... She must be worried.

  - Feel free to do what you want, after breakfast! - he said the last one with a low voice. Obviously he wasn't pleased I interrupted the feeding with myself. 

  - Excuses me! - I mumbled and finished my juice. My stomach growled again.

  - You can have more, if you want. - he said looking at the clouds, then scribed the avocado off his hair.

  - No thanks, my stomach is just... Slow with processing the food, it still thinks I am hungry... - I nervously joked. 

  - Aha... - he said still not looking at me. 

  - You have a nice place... - I tried to start a conversation.

  - I hate pointless conversations! - he cut me off. - If you want to say something, say it, otherwise pack your shit and leave! - he almost yelled, looking furiously at me. 

  - I would like to look at the clouds a little longer ... If it's possible. - I tried to calm my voice from shaking while I said this.

  - Of couse you can, they are horgeous this morning. - he got up and took the plates inside. 

I was left outside, I have no idea how long I stayed, I even cried a little bit. I was so scared and confused... 

'OMG... How did I end up here... Did he drugged me... Did he... Raped me... Will I be able to go home, will he kill me... Worse, will he claim me... '

I heard a noise from the inside, a man approached me. I was fast to wipe my tears.

  - Miss, Mr. J would like to see you now, please come with me.

  - Of course. - I left the blanket I had used to cover myself and followed the man. 

He brought me back to the big bedroom and left me inside, closing the door after me. 

  - Finally, you are here! - he was fully clothed, approaching me with open arms... - What is it fluff... What? Are you crying... Ha? - there was a madness in his eyes. - Lie to me and I will kill you! - he said putting his hand on my throat, squeezing me lightly, to show he wasn't joking.

  - I...  - he loosened his grip - I was kinda scared. - I said as fast as I could.

  - Why? - he waved both his hands. - I had breakfast with you... Were I rude?

I nod my head 'no'.

  - Use your words! - he roared at me.

  - No... You weren't rude.

  - Did I offend you?

  - No you didn't... You were actually quite nice with me.

  - So? - he frowned his non existing eyebrows.

  - Well... I guess I was mislead by the popular opinion.

  - Well... They are right! - he laughed hysterically. - Have your shit and leave! - he turned his back on me.

I quickly got dressed and grabbed my stuff. 

  - No! - he got my feather necklace, I will keep this, I like it. 

I handed it to him. He nod a gratitude and I smiled. 

  - Should I be worried?

  - Should you? - he mocked me, tilting his head. The lack of amusement in my looks turned him to being serious again. - I guess not. 

It was odd, but there was something in him, something like my favorite character, something nice in the monster.

  - I am free for breakfasts... - I said before having the chance to think it through.

'Oh my God!'

He looked back at me, and smiled lightly. Like a trapper who just spot his pray.

  - I will have you in mind!

The same man who brought me into the bedroom escorted me to a black SUV and drove me back into the city, to a deserted part. 3 blocks away I got the public transport and arrived home. It was bizarre experience, that I will probably won't forget, but that fact that I said I am free for breakfasts, was definitely gonna haunt me... This way he will definitely come for me... 

'We all know how Harley end up... This was beyond ridiculous... Why I said this... Why I am so stupid... Why I need to save them all... He is a monster... Silly me!' 

I hit my head with my palm. And sat down on the small bed. I cried for a while longer and then took a shower. After this all I decided to call my friend. The bitch didn't even realized I was gone, she thought I got bored and went home! What a nice fiends I have indeed.

Two weeks later I went to the bank to beg for another loan. While waiting I thought of him. Oddly but I haven't had such a chill breakfast with anyone, all the men in my life were mostly unsatisfied with my looks, it was just one night stand and that's all. He didn't even remarked it. And the guy is build like a freaking God!

My loan was denied, and silly me, in a moment of need, decided to go to him... Breakfast buddy. I dressed to impress, with maroon dress, my leaf earrings that match the nickles I left with him. I was allowed in his club, which was actually a miracle, and I went mingling. Some men approached me, but when I politely said I wasn't interested they left.

' Is this the fucking Haven or something? Why aren't we aware of this? ' 

I stopped at the bar. 

  - Hey... Why are every one so polite? - I asked the bartender.

  - Mr. J doesn't like when men are disrespectful towards women.

  - Oh... Can I have a glass of red wine, Merlot please. 

The pretty blond gave me the glass, I paied a small fortune and proceed walking around. I finally saw him lying upside down on a golden couch. With lots of fluffy scarfs, these that strippers have. His shirt almost fully unbuttoned and his mind was visibly somewhere else. 

I walked around, didn't wanted to push it. I was already nervious enough. I made a small walk around the club. I approached his, obviously vip area, and since no one stopped me I went to him.

  - Hey... - nothing - Hello! - Nada, again. I sat down and turned my head a little upside down. - Hello in there. - he finally blinked.

  - Oh... Hi! - his reply was so casual, like we were friends for years and we were just talking before he went where he was.

  - Was it cool? - he frowned his 'cureently on permanent vacation' eyebrows. - Where you were. Was it cool? - I got up and stand in front of him.

He ruffled his hair and sat down. 

  - Are you hungry again? - he looked at me, he was reading me like a book. 

  - Maybe... - I smiled. 

  - Give me 5 min. - he got up and headed to another private boot with closed curtains. 

3 gunshots echoed, no one bothered, not even the music stopped. He came out. Handing the gun to the same man from previously, and getting a towel of him. He wiped his hands, and got a jacket. 

  - Shall we! - he pointed me the direction we were supposed to walk. 

  - Was this blood on your hands?

  - Do you really want to know? - he hissed in my ear.

  - I have... I get sick of the sight of blood.

  - Then don't... - he was obviously pisses but calmed himself breathing in and out several times. - Yes it was. Any more questions?

  - I don't wanna see this! - I walked faster ahead of him.

  - This wasn't a question! - he yelled after me laughing.

  - I regret my first question! 

  - Why are you dressed like a prostitute?

  - I am not... - I protested.

  - Really? - he raised his non existing eyebrow again.

  - OK, I might be just a little bit.. - he laughed - How you do this... Like moving only one eyebrow?

  - If you are a good girl, Daddy will show you!

  - Awwww... - I squealed, we both laughed. 

We exit the club by a secret exit or something like it. We sat in a black SUV and the driver started the car.

  - So ... - he leaned closer - You didn't answered my question.

  - Which one? - I blushed. I expected inappropriate question or sex related suggestion.

  - Why are you dressed like this? You are not a girl like this...

  - I needed to get in, and why do you think I am not... A girl like this?

  - You blush! Sluts, hookers and other nasty women don't blush.

  - OK, I agree here. - I laughed.

We spend the ride in silence. He drove me to the same place out of town. He exit the car and held his hand for me to exit as well. 

  - I have some things to do... You remember where the kitchen is. Eat as you please and as much as you want. - he waved at me.

  - What will you do... - while I was asking I saw the man nod a 'no' but I couldn't shut up in time. 

The Joker turned back at me. In 2 steps he was in front of me, pushed me against the car and rawred.

  - Don't ask questions that doesn't want to know the answer of... Otherwise I will show it to you... Bizarre and vivid... And bloody!

  - OK... OK! I am sorry. 

  - Get lost! - he yelled and pushes me towards the man. - Frost... - he pinched the bridge of his nose - Make sure she will eat and then led her to her bedroom. And please, explain to her, if I see her out of the room, I will rape her and break her arms, then her legs... And then, I will allow her to die. Got it! - he explained this so casually. My mind didn't had the opportunity to process all of this.

  - Yes, boss!

The man led me to the kitchen. Waited till I eat my sandwich. Although my hands were shaking. The thought of rape freaked me out. I wasn't that scared of broken bones. This was a fear my mother planted in me as a child. Almost nothing in the world freaked me this much. The man then led me to a room, it wasn't the one I was in the precious time. He unlocked the door and after pushed me in handed me the key.

  - Don't worry, little girl, you will be safe as long as you stay in. Regardless of what you hear outside stay in. If he needs you he will ask for your presence. - he then proceed closing the door. - No need to lock the door. No one else will come to you... Our punishment for any thoughts of this sort will be way worse.

  - Is this... Even possible?

  - Everything is possible with the Joker. - he closed the door. 

I was alone in the dark cold room.

I couldn't fall asleep, tossing and turning, and suddenly it was morning already. I got up, get a shower and get dressed. In the wardrobe there were several clothes, mostly casual. I tried to check my phone, but the sugnal was blocked. Couldn't even open my damn farm game.

4 hours later someone knocked on the door and informed me I am being expected for breakfast. It was the same man as I opened the door. He led me to the kitchen and left me there. A very displeased Joker was sitting on the huge couch. The fridge door was open, there was food scattered everywhere. Some bullet wholes in the wall and the balcony glass door was broken. 

  - Come... - he said in a low tone. 

I obeyed and sat next to him. He slid a plate my direction. It was guacamole and some kids snack. I got a fish shaped one and dropped it in the sauce. It looked fun, so I laughed.

  - I think I drowned the fish! - I started laughing. No idea what was I supposed to do in general. But at the time this sounded as a good idea. He started laughing too and throw an elephant in.

  - Chill he will save it. - we both laughed. 

For the next several minutes we laughed without a particular reason, my eyes even got teary. 

I got the elephant and ate it, then the fish.

  - It is nice. I haven't tried it before and kinda expected it to taste gross.

  -  Well... Surprise! - he said, rubbing his hands in his pants.

One strand of hair was falling on his face. And I reached to fix it. He was quick to grab my hand.

  - Don't... You need a permission to do so. - he smiled wildly and let my hand go.

  - OK... Do you want to try... To drown a fish or something. 

He got a cat or a tiger and threw it in. 

  - If it's a tiger it will swim... well I believe this is more like a swamp. - he poked the cat in - That's it, we lost it...

  - Time of death?

  - Time of death... - he pretended to look at his non existing watch - Time of death, who cares! - he laughed again, this creepy laugh of his. He threw some more cats inside then he threw one in the air and catched it. - Wanna try? 

  - Oh no... I will probably choke on it and die, I am very clumsy.

  - Are you shy?

  - No... I just know my weak spots.

  - Come on I will give you an easy one. 

He threw one at me, I tried but it hit my nose and fell somewhere under the furniture. He smiled and threw another one, this time he hit my eye, I whined and the fish swam under the couch pillow. He threw another one I caught it but when I tilted my head down it fell off my mouth.

  - Mmmhmm - he growled twitching his face. - You are a hopeless case. He got up and threw the package in the table.

  - Told you.

  - Here! - he got a fish out and squeezed my cheeks, shoving it in. - Now close your damn mouth and chew! - he ordered and I obayed.

  - Yay! - I raised my hands in the air. 

  - Yeah, finally... - he said obviously annoyed. - What are you doing?

  - Looking for the fallen ones. - I said while moving the pillows.

  - Leave them, there is a person who cleans here!

  - Well I... 

  - You what? - he yelled.

  - I prefer to clean after the mess I made myself. - I said already regretting the words that came out my mouth.

He looked at me and nod his head.

  - You have 10min. 

For the short time I got, I managed to find all of the escapies. Even ate the stuck in guacamole ones. I got it in the fridge and finally closed the door. Although half of the stuff were melted, maybe some were went bad already, since I had no idea how long the door stayed open. We spend like solid hour and something "breakfasting". As I was done I followed him in his room, he took a shower and we went to bed. He positioned me on my stomach and lyed his head on my shoulder. Till I decide to weather joke about being a pillow or not he was already sleeping.

__________________________________

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When the Walls Come Down

Happy Birthday to @maikkuax, I hope that you’ll have a wonderful day! Here’s some post-kidnap whump and Tony & Clint friendship for you.

Thanks to @whumphoarder for beta reading even during your vacation.

This is also for the hurt/comfort prompt of @writersmonth, written for the MCU fandom. Trigger Warnings for PTSD and the aftermath of torture, but nothing too graphic.

__________________

“This is so good,” Tony sighs as he ravenously tears bites from the days-old sandwich Clint found in his bag. “Really, I haven’t had anything like this in weeks.”

Clint knows that many people have to make do with even worse throughout their lives, so the billionaire living off scraps during his kidnapping probably reestablished global equality a tiny bit. But something about the way Tony wolfs down the food as if he’s afraid it will vanish before his eyes breaks Clint‘s heart a little.

“Honestly, the food was probably the worst,” Tony continues in a conversational tone. “The rest wasn’t so bad. Less torture than last time, and I didn’t even have to build a suit to get out – thanks for that, Birdy, by the way.”

And Clint would almost believe him - would almost buy the engineer’s repeated assertions that he’s fine, that he just wants to get home and why on earth do we have to stay in a crappy motel now? But the way Tony’s eyes are darting across the room, how his face continually looks just a bit alarmed, how his hands just won’t hold still, makes it obvious to Clint that he’s not. Thanks to SHIELD, the archer has been on both sides of the prison door more often than he can count, which means that he recognises the signs all too well.

“God, is there really no way we can just ask Nat to bring the quinjet here?” Tony complains, gesturing at the water-stained walls of the tiny motel room. “This place sucks.”

Clint rolls his eyes, but he isn’t actually annoyed. He understands how much Tony must be missing home after three weeks in the clutches of “the most unprofessional kidnappers ever” (Tony’s words, but the fact that one of them actually lost their mobile phone in Tony’s cell probably speaks for itself).

“We would need clearance from the local government, and we don’t know who was involved in the kidnapping,” Clint explains yet again. “We can’t let them know where we are before we’re positive who was behind all that.” They’re going to fly civilian, but the earliest connection to the states isn’t until the next morning.

Tony grunts disdainfully and swallows another mouthful of sandwich.

He looks a bit better now than he did when Clint blasted through the cell he’d been held in, no longer dizzy from hunger and ready to pass out. But he’s still pale and shaky and tired and thin, like a low-quality photocopy of the Tony Stark they all know, and Clint guesses it will take a long time until he returns back to his usual showman appearance.

He’s also full of blood, grime, and dried sweat. With the mission successful and the adrenaline finally tapering off, Clint can’t help but notice that the man stinks.

“How about a shower?“ he suggests. “Seems like you could use one.”

Surprise flashes in Tony's tired brown eyes, as if he hadn’t even considered that possibility. Then he beams and pushes himself up with one arm on the dirty table. It doesn’t escape Clint’s notice that he’s swaying slightly from exhaustion.

“Sounds great,” Tony declares, grabbing a towel from Clint’s bag and making for the bathroom. “But don’t finish my sandwich, Bird Brain.”

*

A shower sounds great indeed.

God, Tony’s missed this so much. He’s gotten so used to the layer of grime on his skin, the foul smell surrounding him, and the itching of the greasy hair on his skull that he’s almost forgotten what it is to be clean. He undresses quickly, suddenly eager to rid himself of the clothes he’s been wearing for weeks, then flinches when they scrape over the wounds and bruises covering his body.

Some of the burn wounds are clearly infected, which might be the source of the low-grade fever he’s sure he’s been running for days. He knows they’ll need proper dressing and probably antibiotics to heal. Clint offered several times to examine him, but Tony refused adamantly. He’ll have to show them to the doctors either way, probably tomorrow once they get back to SHIELD and he’s forced to go through the whole-ass process of debriefing and recounting and getting every inch of his skin checked over. But for now he’s just happy to have his body to himself. Nobody kicking what they aren’t supposed to kick, no burning irons and god-knows-what scorching his skin, nobody touching where they aren’t supposed to touch.

Tony gets into the shower, and god, it feels so good. It’s like heaven, except that the shower is too small to sit down and the water pressure is a bit too low and he sort of misses the customised massage functions that the Tower’s bathtubs offer. But hey, after three weeks with a rusty bucket of ice water, his standards aren’t exactly what they used to be. 

He‘s half under, feeling the hot water run down his aching back, cleaning layers of dirt off his skin. He moans with relief before stepping in fully, reaching for the small packet of shampoo on the basin’s edge. Then the next thing he knows, he’s on his knees on the floor, the showerhead hitting the ground with a bang, and he can’t breathe anymore.

“Tony?” Clint immediately calls from outside.

I’m fine, he wants to shout, I’m a-okay, stop worrying Bird Brain, but all that comes out is a choked cough. Tony’s breaths are heaving, his heart is running a marathon in his chest. 

“Tony? Answer me, or I’m coming in!”

“‘m good,” he manages to croak. “Jus’ slipped.”

He can’t hear whether Clint replies anything, but at least the other man doesn’t enter. Tony manages to maneuver himself into a sitting position against the wall, arms wrapped around his knees, the shower spilling water between his toes. He’s trembling hard and the breaths still won’t come, leaving him on the verge of hyperventilating. Even the thought of getting his head back under the shower spray causes his chest to constrict and the panic to rise up, flashbacks threatening to take over.

Fuck. These assholes even managed to ruin this for him. It had taken him years to stop getting nightmares of drowning after his time in Afghanistan, and now four rounds of waterboarding were enough to bring all of it back. Fuck his life.

After what seems like centuries, Tony finally manages to get back to his feet. He cleans himself off with his hands and the towel, standing as far away from the shower as possible, and pointedly avoids the cracked mirror on the wall. 

When he reenters the room wrapped in the towel, Clint gives him a long look, his eyes lingering at the barely healed cuts and scorch wounds on his arms and on his visibly unwashed hair. He doesn’t say anything, and Tony doesn’t know whether he should be grateful or worried that the obvious marks of torture don’t seem to faze the archer in the least.

*

It doesn’t take long for Tony to drift off against the sound of the TV, which is really more white noise than anything because neither of them understands the local language.

Clint has had years of practice learning to exist in a state that is not really asleep and not really awake. He rests, knowing that tomorrow will be a long day, but doesn’t let himself slip too deeply into unconsciousness. So when Tony starts twitching in his sleep, his face screwed up in obvious distress, and lets out a low moan, Clint is immediately alert.

“Hey,” he soothes. “Wake up, shellhead.”

When this doesn’t yield the desired effect, he reaches for Tony’s shoulder. A light touch is enough to cause the man to jerk upright, his hand batting Clint’s away reflexively even before he is fully awake. Clint has enough training to evade the hit and catch Tony’s hand mid-slap, guiding it back down. He frowns when he realises that Tony’s skin feels warm to the touch.

“Hey,” he repeats. “Tony, it’s me. 2013. Europe. Shitty motel, remember?”

Tony looks at him, recognition slowly flooding back into his eyes, then nods at Clint’s hand on his wrist. “Care to let go?” 

Clint does as demanded. “Care to explain why you’re running a fever?”

Tony glances away. “Nothing serious,” he deflects. 

Clint scoffs.

“Fine, if you must know - a few of the burns got infected,” he amends. “Nothing that some Penicillin can’t fix.”

“Because you can judge that, Stark MD.” Clint raises an eyebrow. “You should let me look at them. You know that you’ll have to get a complete medical examination as soon as we’re back at HQ anyway, right?”

“Yes, and that’s why I don’t need your hands on me now,” Tony spits back, but the look he gives Clint is almost pleading.

Clint remembers Texas - two months held in captivity by a bunch of neo-Nazis who found a perverted pleasure in using his arms and back as a human ashtray. He remembers the feeling of his body not being his own anymore, how it took weeks until he would stop flinching at Laura’s gentle touch. His skin didn’t look much different from Tony’s then.

“Okay,” he concedes. “But minor burns - that’s all there is, right? Fury’s gonna be up my ass if you kick the bucket on my watch after being rescued.”

“Pinky promise, Barton,” Tony mutters. He’s laid back down and is almost out again. Clint has never seen Tony voluntarily go to sleep in front of anyone before and it worries him a bit. He can’t get them back to New York quickly enough.

The fever rises, leaving the engineer alternately shivering under the blanket and kicking it away. Tony’s made it clear enough that touch is not an option at the moment, but Clint still tries to make him a little more comfortable by draping a wet undershirt over his forehead in the absence of any clean washcloths, refreshing it every half hour to keep him cool. 

It’s almost four in the morning when Tony wakes with a strangled cry, panting.

“Tony,” Clint says firmly. Calmly, he leans over to switch on the bedside lamp. Tony’s wide eyes follow him, his breaths still coming out fast, but once the light flickers on, he visibly relaxes.

“That bulb’s from the 70s,” he remarks hoarsely when he’s caught his breath, nodding at the lamp. “Let’s get out of this shithole.”

It’s obvious that neither of them is going to go back to sleep, so Clint prepares a meagre breakfast with instant coffee and the sandwich that’s left. Tony sips at the coffee listlessly, his head leaned heavily against the wall.

“What’s wrong?” Clint nods at the sandwich that Tony hasn’t touched. “Yesterday you were so wild about it.”

Tony shakes his head. “Kinda nauseous,” he admits. 

“Well, you need to have some of it if you want meds,” Clint states the obvious.

“Yeah mom,” Tony retorts, staring at the bread with a distinct lack of enthusiasm before biting off a tiny piece and then reaching for the painkillers across the table. The blanket falls off his shoulders, and Clint notices spots of blood all over the loose SHIELD t-shirt he’s lent to the other man.

“You should let me dress those wounds,” he tries once more. “It’s a long flight. No sense in letting that fever climb higher.”

Tony gives him a long look, his eyes a bit glassy. Finally, something softens in his expression. “You got stuff for that here?” he asks.

Clint snorts. “I’m a SHIELD agent on a mission. What do you think I carry in my bag, cupcakes and lipstick?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised,” Tony mutters with a shrug. “You know how to suture?” 

His expression is dead serious, but Clint catches a sparkle in his eyes that’s not caused by the fever. He doesn’t even bother to give an answer.

*

Tony pulls the shirt over his head, all of his muscles protesting. Every cell in his body aches, his bones feeling heavier than lead and his skin on fire. Tony’s vision is a bit blurred, giving the world a surreal quality, which doesn’t really help convince him that what he’s seeing now is any more real than his nightmares were. He’s nauseated. He’s tired. He wants Pepper, now. He wants to be home, like, three weeks ago. But it’s not as if the world ever listens to him.

He definitely doesn’t want Barton to stitch him up, but then again, he knows that a 12-hour plane ride won’t be fun with his fever on the rise, and it doesn’t make much of a difference whether it’s Clint now or SHIELD Medical later who get their hands on him. At least the archer is someone he knows, someone he – well, trust is a strong word and not one Tony likes to use carelessly, but he guesses that it comes close to what he feels for the team.

Tony tells himself not to flinch when Clint starts with the first of the wounds, but as soon as the needle pierces his skin, he does anyways and catches the other man glancing at him with knowing eyes. 

Oh, fuck that. These assholes had to show up just when he thought he’d gotten a grip on the PTSD that was his little souvenir from the whole New York experience. He really hopes Clint’s dealt with all of his kidnappers the same way he did with the guard in front of Tony’s cell door. His memory is more than fuzzy, but he’s pretty sure that the man had been writhing in a puddle of blood when they’d left the place.

“Lean forward,” Clint directs, and Tony does as he’s told, exposing his back to the archer and letting his feverish head rest on the cool wood of the rickety table.

The needle stings a bit and the disinfectant burns, but he’s had much, much worse over the past few weeks, and once he’s convinced his brain that Clint is not going to start beating him up any minute, it’s almost pleasant to have someone take care of his bruised and battered frame. 

Tony feels himself drift off, thinking of home and his bed and JARVIS and Pepper, of movie nights with Happy and Rhodey, of Bruce and their lab work, of Nat’s and Clint’s bickering and Steve’s angrily raised eyebrows. He allows himself to look forward to them as something real, something in reach, not just a vision to hold on to in order to get through the next round of torture. It still feels surreal to be free, as free as anyone can be with the memories hovering just at the back of their mind. 

“All done, Frankenstein,” Clint states after a while, rousing him from his almost spaced-out state. “Ready to go home?”

His eyes still closed, Tony nods against the hard surface of the table. Home. Yes, home, that sounds wonderful.

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[cathwritestragediesnotsins]

A deal with the devil

Dean Winchester x reader

occurs after crossroad blues!!

word count: 2,930

Summary: Y/N is pissed at Dean after he considers selling his soul

As soon as we arrive at the motel I hop out of the car. Both boys had noticed I was a little off after the hunt but weren't sure if they should mention it. It became very clear how pissed I was when I slammed the door of the Impala as hard as I could. The duo shares a look before getting out and following me.

I marched straight to my room, pulling out my key and fumbling with it in the poor lighting for a moment before fitting it into the slot. But just as I was about to close the door a hand reached out and snatched at the edge, preventing me from pulling it closed.

I spin around, fully prepared to yell at Dean, only to see Sam looking at me with his sad eyes. "What?" I huff in annoyance, I back down a bit but put my hand that isn't resting on the doorknob onto my hip to emphasize just how furious I am. But Sam doesn't back down.

"You should talk to him." he says simply, giving me a sympathetic look before releasing the door from his giant hand and walking away toward his own room. I watch him go for a moment before I see Dean approaching the doorway and quickly remember the night's events. I turn, leaving the door open behind me for my boyfriend but not acknowledging him at all other than that.

I grab my bag and begin to peel off my dirty, sweaty and bloodied clothes from the hunt and dress for bed without a word to Dean. Finally, he snaps.

"Ok, are you going to tell me why the hell you're mad at me or are you going to break up with me?" Dean snarks, aggressively throwing his shirt onto the floor. I roll my eyes as I turn down the sheets. "Seriously? You don't get to mad at me." I retort. He groans in response. My voice rises to be heard over his grumbling. "I'm not the one who tried to sell my soul to the devil." I comment off-handedly. "That's what this is about?!" he says incredulously. "Yes, Dean. Yes. I'm upset that my boyfriend almost sold his soul. Sorry!" I sass, tossing a pillow at him. He catches it and glares at me "Well I didn't do it so I don't see what the big deal is!" he shouts at me.

I scoff in anger fueled by a deep hurt. "The big deal, Dean, is that you didn't even stop to think for a moment about how that would destroy me. And Sam? Did either of us even cross your mind?" I shout but my voice is beginning to break with pain and tears gather in my eyes. "I still can't believe you actually considered it! How could you do that Dean?! How could you do that to me?? How could you even think about leaving me alone here?" The tears are streaking down my cheeks now and my lip quivers as I fight against the urge to sob.

"Y/N..." Dean sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"No! Don't 'Y/N' me! I just-I can't with you right now Dean. You fucked up, majorly. You were selfish and immature..." I trail off and my voice switches from a firm, chastising tone to an unbearably vulnerable one. "I just don't understand......"

I'm quiet for a long moment as I try to keep from breaking down completely. Dean watches me guiltily but I can tell he still doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I shake my head and look down in despair, watching my tears drop onto the carpet, leaving wet spots. I thought I made him understand. I thought I could make him understand. And it hurts that I was wrong.

I grip another one of the pillows, that I hadn't noticed I'd picked up off the bed, against my chest. "I think...I need some time. I'm going to stay in Sam's room tonight." I whisper, still avoiding looking up at him. I know if I look up and see the beautiful man that I love and almost lost I won't be able to hold myself together anymore.

I can hear him open his mouth to say something but when nothing comes I drop the pillow, grab my phone from the nightstand and breeze past him on my way out the door. I realize my hands are shaking when I step out into the heavy, humid summer night. I stand there in mild shock for a moment, allowing the heat to chase away the chill in my bones and the chirping of the crickets to lull me into a calmer state. I clutch my hands to my chest and shuffle down the porch to Sam's room a few doors down. All I want to do at this very moment is lay down on the floor and never move again. The weight of the pain feels like it's crushing me. Nothing feels certain anymore. Our problems feel un-fixable.

When I reach room number 19 I lean my head wearily against Sam's door, suddenly unsure if I should knock.  Not because I doubt that he'd let me in. But because it's been an equally stressful day for him. And because I am too drained to talk about things. I am running on empty and my only safe-haven is unavailable to me. It's the worst feeling in the world. So despite my doubts, I knock.

I can hear rustling and the bed creaking before the lock turns and Sam appears in place of the door. "Hey, Y/N, are you alright?" he questions and my composure slips. I shake my head as my chest heaves and I bite my lips to keep from crying. Without another word he steps back from the doorway and ushers me into his room, identical to the one I was just in.

I stop and stand there dumbly in the middle of the room. 'What is happening?' is all I can think, because this hurts like some horrible nightmare. I feel a blanket being draped over my shoulders and I grip it tightly, welcoming the comfort it provides. Sammy grabs me by my shoulders from behind and guides me to the bed. He pulls down the quilt and climbs in ahead of me, situating himself before reaching out for me. I comply, slipping into the double bed beside him with my blanket still tucked around me.

He wraps his arms around me and tugs me closer to his large chest. I nuzzle my face into the pillow in sadness. I love Sam, he's like a brother to me but his arms are not my home, his smell is not the one that brings a smile to my lips. "He's an idiot." Sam whispers, kissing lightly behind my ear. I laugh sadly, though his joke helps me to relax a bit. "Yeah...but he's our problem." I feel Sam nod from where his chin is fitted to rest on my head. "I just don't understand Sam. He really still doesn't get it. Even after everything he still thinks he means nothing to us. He still doesn't understand that I need him. And I knew he didn't know it but... I never thought it was bad enough that he would die willingly."

Sam breaths in and out heavily before answering. "Dean's always been so focused on taking care of everyone else that it never really occurred to him that he was important too." the younger Winchester explains. "Even growing up, he pushed anyone he got close with away. Not because he didn't want them, but because he was afraid he was toxic to them. Or that they would somehow get in the way of him being there for me."

"I know. I understand. I've been there. But at some point you either choose your self-hate over everything and everyone else or you let them love you. His self-loathing is his worst quality. Probably the only thing I hate about him. And it's frustrating because I know it's possible to overcome it. And I'm trying so hard to get him to work on it. But he hates himself enough that he thinks it's not even worth the effort. But he's the most amazing person I've ever met. And it hurts, it feels like I'm failing him if I can't show him that."

"You're not failing him Y/N. I think it's just going to take him a long time before he realizes he is his own worst enemy. Until then we just have to keep fighting an uphill battle." Sam says, sounding weary both physically and emotionally. I nod in agreement.

We're both quiet for awhile and I am on the verge of sleep when a thought comes to me. I snort out an amused laugh.

"I wish we could 'It's a wonderful life' his ass" I state, quietly in case Sam is already asleep.

I know he's not though when I feel his body start to shake with laughter and his familiar, deep, rumble of a laugh peals through the silence.

                                                                     ----------------

I woke up that morning, my head buzzing with clarity. I suddenly knew exactly what I needed to do.

I slipped out of the room while Sam was in the shower, careful to avoid being seen by either of the brothers and started the walk to my destination. After all there was no sense in taking the Impala on a one way trip.

The sun had risen high in the sky and it scorched the back of my neck with it's heat. I reached the place I was headed for within the hour and walked exactly to the center of the crossroads. I kneeled down and dug away at the dirt with my fingers. It was still loose from last night and a chill ran up my spine at the reminder of what had almost been done. My fingers clanged against metal and I locked them around the small tin.

I pulled it out of the hole and brushed the dirt from it  before opening it. It's contents had all clearly been there for quite some time, with the acception of Dean's picture. I removed it and traded it out for a picture of my own, one Sam had taken on the road. The window was down and I was clearly laughing, looking with admiration in my eyes to the driver's seat where Dean was no doubt sitting. I looked so happy. My heart became heavy at the happy memory.

I shook the thoughts away and placed the picture inside the container before swinging the lid shut and putting it back in the ground. I didn't have to wait long after I'd covered it with dirt.

"You called?" a deep voice said and I spun around quickly to see a tall, lean, muscular man with dark hair that swept down over his eyes. Hmm. Dean had said the woman that appeared to him was very beautiful, guess they took the form of a visually appealing person. I rolled my eyes. He was flawless to look at but I knew that perfect vessel held a twisted soul. And I had seen what real beauty looked like. I had given my heart to him.

"Obviously. I need to make a deal." I said, cutting right down to business. I would not be toyed with.

The demon smirks and quirks a brow in interest. "Go on..."

I gulp in anxiety but grit my jaw to cover it. I will not allow my weakness to be prayed upon by this beast. My whole body is alight with panic. It tingles and dances over my skin but I am detached from it.

"My soul for Dean Winchester's happiness. That is all I want. For him to not have to live in torment anymore." I state, stepping forward.

He barks out a taunting laugh at my request. He flashes me a bright, white smile. "You are so amusing, you humans. So pathetic. You will really sell your soul just to make him happy? Ha!"

"Is that a no then?" I say, raising my brows in challenge. He sobers up a bit, though I still see the spark of amusement in his eyes. He hums, pretending to think it over. I roll my eyes for the second time, "I don't have all day."

He laughs again before stepping towards me and extending his hand for me to take. "Sounds good to me." he says, licking his lips. I subconsciously do the same as I mentally prepare myself for what comes next. I swat away his hand and step forward, rising onto my tip toes to reach him. He smirks at me once again and leans down, closing his eyes. Our lips are mere inches from touching, sealing the deal.

"Hey!"

I yank away from the demon to see Dean marching toward us furiously. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouts. My faces drains of color. I wasn't planning on this. I turn back and look at the demon who places a hand on my cheek in an attempt to lure me in again. I look to Dean. "I have to do this." I explain. I can see his eyes widen in surprise before I return to my previous position. He won't reach us in time. I know it, he knows it and the demon knows it. "Let's finish this." I whisper, having to take a moment to regain my courage after the interruption. I wring out my hands nervously and spring up to kiss him when suddenly the sound of a shot rings out and the demon is flung back from me. I gape in shock. I turn and see Dean lowering his rifle. "Stay away from my girlfriend!" he roars, stomping past me to get to the demon who looks at me and hisses. "You planned this didn't you!"

"No! Dean, c'mon this is none of your business. Go home. Let me make my deal."

My boyfriend turns to me and the look of anger mixed with betrayal feels like a bullet lodging in my chest. "None of my business?!" he says and I flinch at his tone. He turns back to the demon and mercilessly empties more salt rounds into it until it disappears completely. We both take a moment to watch it's form disintegrate into black dust and dance on the wind up into the sky. Once he is sure it's been taken care of he turns on me.

"Explain. Now." he growls. My eyes dart around, avoiding his piercing gaze as I try to find the words. "I just, wanted to help you. And I didn't know how else to." I say. I hate how small my voice sounds but the words wring with vulnerable truth.

"Well certainly not like this!" he yells, throwing his hands up and gesturing wildly with frustration. "Ok," I shout back, shocked at his reaction and suddenly angered by his words. "Then please tell me how I can help because I have no fucking idea!" I run a hand through my hair roughly and start to pace. "You won't talk to me anymore, you won't listen to me. Ever since John died all you think about is him and I know you're hurting but that's really fucking unfair Dean. I've lost people too. But you don't live your life focused on the dead. Because they're dead! So don't push away the people who are still here and actually care! Your Dad died because he knew, just like everybody else, that you are special, Dean; you're important. No one made him sell his life for yours. He chose to because he loved you! But you never allow yourself to see any of that. You walk around, carrying all of this shit that's not even your fault and you're so consumed by it that you push away the people who love you! And dammit Dean I fucking love you. I will say it over and over and over again because I know what it's like to be insecure but I also know that there's a difference between being insecure and punishing yourself. So if you aren't going to let me love you then... I can't keep doing this." my voice lowers dramatically as I say those last words because even though I know I'm doing the right thing it hurts so much.

He stops short, taken aback. He looks scared. He covers the distance between us and pulls me into him, hugging me tightly as if he's afraid I'll disappear. "I can't lose you." he whispers into my neck where he is hiding his face. My body sags with relief. I return the embrace and reach up a hand to card through his blond hair. "Then don't" I whisper, pleadingly.

He rocks us back and forth, still not letting me go. "I'll do better." he promises. I hear tears in his voice. "I love you so much Y/N. I won't lose you. Please stay. I'm sorry."

I stroke my palm over his neck to calm him down as he works himself up. It feels good to be the calm one for once; to see him let out all of his pent up hurt and show that our relationship matters to him as much as it does to me.

"I love you too Dean. I'm not going anywhere. I love you. Thank you."

[gaycrouton]

Quirky

Words of Love 17/27 [Scully wakes up to the sound of someone rummaging around her apartment.]

Quirky:  (adjective) characterized by peculiar or unexpected traits; strikingly unconventional.

Scully liked to sleep in whenever she possibly could. Contrary to the fact that she woke up everyday at five so she could shower and get the the Hoover Building by seven, always earlier than Mulder, the truth is that she is not a morning person. Because of that, Saturday and Sunday mornings were reserved for lounging around exclusively. This was the first time in a long time her routine had been switched up.

Scully awoke to the sun beaming down at her through the curtains. Looking at her alarm clock she sighed in contentment when she saw 10:10 glaring back at her in red neon. However, her tranquility was extremely short lived. As soon as her head was back on the pillow, she heard a loud crash in the kitchen, followed by a voice grumbling something unintelligible.

She shot up in bed, grabbed her gun off the nightstand, and tiptoed to the source of the noise. It sounded like somebody was rummaging through her cabinets unsuccessfully. As she got closer to the kitchen, she could smell that her stove was on. Now she was just on edge and confused. Turning the corner, she saw a tall man in a black hoodie going through her cabinets. As soon as he opened the one with all the knives, she cleared her throat and commanded, “FBI, I’m armed. Put your hands behind your head and turn around slowly.”

As soon as she heard the man start to chuckle, she knew who it was. Of course it was him. “Mulder, what are you doing in my kitchen? Let alone on a Sunday?” She asked, lowering her gun and letting out the breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

Mulder now thought it would be a good idea to take off his hood, and turned around to meet her with a sheepish grin. “I was trying to surprise you.” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and tried to lean against the counter casually. Except he leaned against the stove he just turned on, causing him to yelp and jump away. It may have been extremely amusing if she wasn’t so perplexed by the whole thing.

“Surprise me?”

He looked at her, but then avoided his gaze back to the floor. He was acting unusually shy, she just figured it was because he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I wanted to make you breakfast,” he mumbled sheepishly.

She smiled at how endearing the whole scene was. She still had no idea why, but she was touched that Mulder had come all the way over to do something nice for her. Ignoring the fact that he broke into her home and was rummaging through her belongings dressed as a burglar. “May I ask why?” She said it in the nicest tone she would to let him know she wasn’t mad at his gesture.

He grinned back at her, obviously pleased with her acceptance. With a full toothed smile he replied, “No.”

If her face already wasn’t plastered with confusion, it was now. “No?” she parroted back to him.

“As much as I love seeing sleepy-Scully in her pyjamas, sleepy-Scully asks too many questions. Why don’t you go take a shower and by the time you’re finished, I will be too.” His words caused her to look down and she immediately side-stepped behind a counter to hide from his gaze.

A few years ago, Mulder slept at her place while his apartment was being repainted, and he had left an old Aerosmith shirt behind. She remembered seeing it laying on the bathroom floor and in a moment of uncharacteristic romanticism, she quickly discarded her own clothes and put it on. It came down only to her upper-mid thigh, but she enjoyed being engulfed in his shirt that smelled exactly like him. He never asked about it, and she never attempted to bring it back. Instead, she had made it one of her favorite sleep shirts.

Now, here she was in her own kitchen, wearing absolutely nothing but that shirt and a pair of tiny black panties. Looking back up at him, the gleam in his eye told her that he was fully aware that was his and that he more than enjoyed it being in her possession. She still wanted to find out what he was up to, but using his offer as a scapegoat from her gaze sounded good too. Clearing her throat, she replied, “Okay, I’ll go take a shower. I’ll be out in about twenty minutes.” She made it a few steps down the hallway before turning back around, “What are you looking for anyway?”

With the same grin that seemed to be taking up residency on his face, he replied, “A pan.” He followed her extended finger to the cabinet with the pans and thanked her.

“And what was that crashing noise I heard a few minutes ago?”

“Oh,” his embarrassment making a comeback, “I slipped and fell on your welcome mat.”

She rolled her eyes and went back into her room to change into her robe before going to the bathroom. She sat down for her morning pee as she listened to Mulder stomping around in the other room. It was like comforting background music, you could hear his clumsy backtracking as he made wrong moves, the sound of his curses underneath his breath, and the sound of something sizzling on the stove.

She finished up and started her shower. She was torn between speeding up the process so she could go out there and see domestic-Mulder in action, versus taking her time so that he could fully prepare her surprise the way he intended. She settled on a happy medium and was done in after about fifteen minutes. She stepped out of the shower and gently dried off with a towel before putting on her robe.

She had just stepped out of the bathroom when she heard Mulder cry out in pain. Her doctor instincts kicked in and she quickly made her way into the kitchen to see Mulder running his hand under the faucet.

“Are you okay?” She asked, padding her way over to his hunched over form.

“Yeah, I just burned my finger on the stove,” he mumbled from his position.

She grabbed his wrist from underneath the water, turned off the tap, and she dragged him back with her to the steam-riddled bathroom. She instructed him to sit on the ledge of the bathtub and told him not to touch his finger. She trifled through her medicine cabinet until she found the Bactine, Band-Aids, and Neosporin. Turning back to her task, she stood in front of Mulder and cleaned his wound and started rubbing the ointment onto the raw wound. While she was doing that, she noticed a droplet of water fall down onto his jeans. She realized her damp hair had been dripping onto him while she had been preoccupied. Putting one hand on his shoulder, she reached behind him and grabbed a towel. Taking a few steps back, she lightly bent over, threw the towel on her head, and mussed it up, absorbing the remaining water. When she was done, she flipped her hair up and tossed the towel back to where it was, returning to Mulder. “Sorry about that,” she mumbled as she tried to find a good size Band-Aid from the variety pack.

“You’re fine,” he said after clearing his throat. She noticed there was a strangled quality in his voice and she flitted her eyes to look at him. He was bright red, resting his non-injured hand on the crotch of his jeans, and avoiding her gaze at all costs, though she noticed he kept inadvertently looking back at her body before gluing his eyes to random objects around the room.

She cursed herself for the second time today when she realized she hadn’t changed out of her robe. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it was relatively short, and fixing her hair caused the sash to loosen, making the front gape open a little more than normal. In other words, she had been throwing an excessive amount of cleavage in Mulder’s face.

She quickly pulled out a good enough Band-Aid and wrapped it around his injury. Tapping it lightly, she declared, “You’re all good to go!” Then she quickly left him so, for the first time today, she could put on actual clothes.

When she emerged from her room, in all the appropriate garments, she was greeted with the sight of her dining room table adorned with two plates full of various breakfast foods. Mulder was standing near a chair that he pulled out for her when she got close enough. When she was settled, he sat in the chair next to her and smiled.

“So are you going to let me in on what made you want to roleplay Martha Stewart in my kitchen this morning?” She asked, taking a bite of her eggs. “These are very good by the way.”

Mulder always looked shy when she complimented him, and this was no different. “Thank you. I just felt bad that in the seven years I’ve known you, the only thing you’ve ever gotten from me on a birthday was a keychain and a snowball with a sparkler in it, so I wanted to do something special for you.”

She was touched, she never took it personal when he forgot her birthday, but it was nice to see what he would do when he did remember. However, he was a little off this time. “This is so sweet Mulder, I appreciate this so much, but you know my birthday isn’t until Friday, right?”

She presumed his face got red because he hadn’t realized, but the words out of his mouth took her off guard, “Well, actually it’s not just for your birthday.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could have done it today or tomorrow, there isn’t an exact halfway mark. I did it today because it was Sunday, so I figured we could have more time-”

“Halfway mark for what?” She asked, getting lost in his explanation.

“Today and Tomorrow are halfway in between Valentine’s Day and your birthday.” She knew she was smiling, but he was too hyper focused on pretending to be preoccupied by his food to notice. “I didn’t know if you already had a date on Valentine’s Day, and I didn’t want to bother you, and I know that you usually visit your mom on your birthday, so I figured in between would work best for celebrating both.”

They had gotten progressively closer and closer with each passing year. They both knew they were at the tipping point of their relationship, as soon as one of them finally took the plunge and said “I love you,” she knew there would be no resistance in starting a relationship. They were just both so scared to change what they have. It’s not as if they hadn’t tried though, Scully spent hours helping Mulder reorganize his file cabinets just so they could spend more time together. Mulder just was a bit more quirky when it came to his expressions. Like intricately figuring out how to celebrate both Valentines Day and her birthday with her without being a ‘bother’. Mulder was reserved about showing his emotions to just anyone, so him bearing his heart on his sleeve like this meant the world to her.

She took his hand into her own, getting his attention, and she kissed the palm of his hand before pressing it to her cheek. “Thank you, Mulder. I love this.” She closed her eyes when she felt him rub the skin of her cheek with his thumb. “I’m glad you did this too.” She added, moving to eat some of the food he prepared her.

“Glad? How come?” He asked, doing the same.

“Because now I get to spend both holidays with the person I wanted to.” She took a second before checking to see his reaction, and was pleased to see he was beaming.

“Well, I’m glad because this is actually only the start of our day.” He chuckled shyly.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

just found your blog and i spent all night going through all the posts. this is a QUALITY blog my friend! would you please have the chocobros S/O getting in an argument with them,and being unable to speak to them for a month since they left on a mission. on the last day when their supposed to be back, the S/O set up a romantic dinner as an apology, but by 3 am their still not back and they go to bed crying. Wake up the next morning being spooned to death. (its a lot i know but im a sad snowflake

There shall be no sad snowflakes on my watch! NONE!!! Only happy ones!  Also guys make sure to sleep! I love sleep as much, maybe even more, than Noctis does, rest. Lol

~~~

You smiled as you sat the plates on the table for tonight’s dinner. You sweethearts favorite and it actually looked and smelled delicious, a soft hum coming from your chest. Before you darling left, you both had a horrible fight, one that left you so angry you didn’t even sleep in your shared bed the first week he was gone.

After week two you finally moved back into your bedroom and cuddles his pillow something fierce, missing him. Often spending hours draped in his clothing or wearing something of his out. You wished so bad that you would be able to text or call him to apologize but he was gone on a mission and cellphone use was rather difficult to use. So you had to wait, and give him the proper apology when he returned home.

At 6:48pm you set the plates on the table waiting for him to come home, give him a big kiss and show him the nice little dress you purchased just for him, that you hoped would be on the floor by the end of the evening.

At 9:12pm dinner sat on the table untouched, and your phone rested in your hand awaiting a text, he should have been home 3 hours ago.

At midnight, you put out the candles on the table and the wine back into the fridge. The ice in the wine bucket melt hours ago.

At 2:56am, you phone finally died, so you sat at the table in the dark, your mind racing with the horrid last conversation you had. You didn’t even tell him that you loved him when he left, or give him his goodbye kiss.  Maybe this was it, you no longer had him.

At 3:03am, your dress was on the floor not in the way you wished, one of his t-shirts covering your body. You clung tightly to his pillow as you let your tears fall until you finally fell asleep.

~~~~~

Noctis

When the Prince stepped into the apartment, he had flowers at the ready. Have talked it over with Ignis, and the man suggests that the two of you sit down and talk it over. Only for the man to stop and stare at the kitchen table and seeing the two plates waiting there, neither touched and long cold.

The prince moved through the apartment, it was already 7am, you would have more than likely already gotten up to get ready for the day. Or maybe you left…

He panicked, tearing through the apartment, only to come to the bedroom, and finding you in the middle of the bed holding tightly to his pillow and wearing his t-shirt. He nearly tripped over the dress on the floor as he began to undress before crawling into bed and holding you impossibly close.

“I’m sorry.”  He whispered pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You wheezed as you felt something laying directly on your chest, you hardly ever slept on your back, and this extra weight made it feel like you had a courel on your chest. You moaned weakly, opening your eyes only to be greeted by spikes of navy in your mouth and nose.

“Noct…”

You were greeted by a huff.

“Noct, sweetie.”

A nuzzle to your shoulder and a tighter hold.

“Noct let me roll over.”

You were given a small window, but in that window, you managed to roll and cuddle the man, so that he nuzzled comfortably within your chest. Your arms wrapped tightly around the man.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered pressing a kiss to his forehead, pleased to have him in your arms again.

~~~~~

Prompto

He was so sleepy, but still, he dragged in that cute little Moogle doll he found dressed as a Chocobo, Prompto seriously made Ignis do a U-turn so he could pick it up.

It was rare that either of you got into a fight, this actually being the third one the two of you had since you started dating since high school. He was so upset that he couldn’t reach out to the entire time they were gone and apologize. He honestly felt tears start to fall when he saw dinner waiting for him, and your untouched plate beside it.

He quickly rushed into the bedroom, finding you in the bed, holding tightly to one of the large stuffed animals you both owned. Pulling the plush from your arms, he replaced it quickly, fully dressed in his travel attire, littering your face with kisses as he held you close.

You huffed and snorted, pulling back as you felt the assault only to be greeted by the tear-stained face of your boyfriend. “Pompom?”

“I…i’m sorry.”

You reached up wiping his tears away, only for them to start falling from your eyes, “I’m sorry too.”

The two of you smiled weakly, as you clung tightly to each other, pressing lazy kisses to each other before falling back asleep.

~~~~~

Gladiolus

“Babe?” Gladiolus called as he entered the house at 5am, you’d normally be getting up to go jogging. “Babe?” He called again, did you already leave?

He stopped looking into the kitchen, only to find your plates on the table. You wouldn’t leave the house like this while going out. “Babe, Y/N? You here?”

As he moved through the house, the man slowly removed his clothes, he would need a shower. Moving into the bedroom to get something else to wear to bed he stopped finding you curled up on his side of the bed, laying on his pillow much how you would the man should you both share the bed.

As he moved over to the bed, he noticed the slight wheeze you’d give when your nose was stuffy and mascara running down your face.

“Babe…”

He felt so heartbroken that he let you go to bed crying for more than a month, and you made him a large meal and he didn’t even show up. You were absolute perfection and look at what he did. He went to move you into his arms, only to stop, he really, really needed that shower before he could touch you.

Five minutes! It took him five minutes to wash and dry, his hair still wet and he may not have dried all the way off, and he’d deal with a shirt later, he needs you in his arms now! As softly as possible, he managed to clean your face, and adjust you to his chest.

“I love you so much.” He whispered a kiss to the top of your head.

“Gladdy.”

He maneuvered slightly only to find you still asleep.

You huffed, snorting yourself awake, only to notice the heavy weight around your waist and squeezing. You reached out tapping at Gladiolus pecs, tapping out, only to have the arms release you as you panted softly.

“Sorry babe.”

You smiled giving him a loving pet from where you had to tap out from his aggressive cuddles, “Welcome home.”

Gladiolus hummed, dragging you up to kiss you, “So I saw that little number on the floor.”

“Yeah, guess you’ll have to take me out so that you can rip it off me, big guy.” You purred as he moved to your shoulders, exposed underneath one of his tanks.

“Tonight then, because all day, we’re not leaving this room.” He smirked as he heard you moan softly.

Apology accepted.

~~~~~

Ignis

Ignis was the last one home, he had some last minute items to handle at the Citadel. Plus he wanted to find something for you, he hadn’t gotten a chance to apologize before he left, so by the time he returned home, the sun had begun to peak above the horizon. He expected for you to be long asleep.

As he moved into the kitchen to put the food he would use to spoil you tonight, he stopped to see your body at the kitchen table, head resting on your arms, one of his old button ups on your body, two plates covered with a cloche.

“Oh, my love.” Ignis crooned as he placed down the groceries in the fridge before moving over to you. Moving your chair back, as he leaned forward pulling you into his arms, cradling you close as he pressed a kiss to your temple, making his way to the bedroom, stopping as he looked to the beautiful dress on the bed, nicely pressed and waiting to be put on.

He maneuvered you to one arm, holding you impossibly close out of fear of dropping you as well, as he picked up the dress, hanging it on the back of the door, before moving you to the bed, only for you to awaken.

“Iggy?” You muttered weakly.

“Hello, My love.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Iggy.” You cooed reaching up to hold him close, pulling him into a hug.

“Allow me just a moment to undress.”

You gave a playful whine, but released the man with a kiss, as you settled into bed. Only to be pulled into his embrace the moment he reached the bed, your eyes closing, as pressed another kiss to your forehead.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

[dealersofatlanta]

Part 1: Chapter 4

2013: May 3rd

Ace: age 21

“Nah, make that shit happen. I don’t care how yall do it, just get it done. Yall playing I’ll take them niggas out myself if yall punk asses can’t do it!” I yelled on the phone with my homies Dom and Tyrel. Jade looked over at me. We was sitting at the dinning room, she was writting down shit in her journal. After I saved her from Davis, I took her in, made sure she had a car. Taught her how to drive, how to shoot, defend herself just in case anything happens to me. She went from being my fraile scared Jade to a bad bitch. I taught her what do if anybody came after us, and shit. She know how to kill and take anybody down. That’s my baby. “Sorry baby, business” She nodded. “What you writting?” I asked coming over to her. I kissed on her face. She giggled. “Another song about you” She said. I smiled. “Ah shit not another one” I said rolling my eyes playfully. My text tone went off on my iphone. It was this hoe named La-La. “Business again?” She asked. I quickly nodded. “Yeah, Ima be home late” I told her. She sighed. “This the 3rd time this week, I told you I needed you to come to my open mic night tonight” She stressed to me. “I got work to do, you don’t shit. I got to make sure we straight and protect our home J, shit stop trippin bruh” I said. She got up from the table, and flicked me off. “Fuck you Ace, I don’t do shit, cause you don’t want me to work nigga!” She stomped upstairs. I went into the basement to pick out what gun I wanted to carry today. I ain’t mean to snap at her. She knew I had a bad temper. I had a way with my words, she been knowing this. I went back upstairs. Jade was rushing downstairs with her purse, and keys. “Aye yo where you going?” I asked. She had on a beanie with some booty shorts an tank top, and timbs. “Out nigga” She snapped. “Nah not in them little bitty ass shorts” I snapped. She laughed at me. “J! Im serious” I said sternly. She stuck her middle finger up at me again. “Man, fuck her” I said to myself. I grabbed my keys, and headed out to, setting the alarm before I left.

I head over to the WestSide of Atlanta to see La-La. I had been knowing La-La for a minute. We was fucking around when I first got out of jail. She cool, and we fuck from time to time. She keep an eye out for me on the streets. She like my side bitch, but Jade always will come before her. I knocked on her door. “I ain’t think you would come, with wifey at home and shit” She said to me. I rolled my eyes. “I come over to fuck and to hear whats been going on that’s it keep My shawty out of this” I said. She nodded and started unbuckling my pants.

Afterwards, I laid in the bed smoking a blunt with La-La. “So whats been going on?” I asked her. “Rico, been running his mouth about killing off everybody in the Ace of Spades gang. He trying to take Omari spot anf Jackalls on the eastside” She said. I laughed. “They aint bout to do shit” I said. I passed her the blunt. “Thats all I know for now” She said. I nodded. “Thanks, you a real one” I kissed her. She smiled. “You want something to eat?” She asked. I nodded. “Yeah what you bout to cook? Noodles?” I asked. She smiled. “Shut up, you love me food” She said. I nodded. “True” I said. I went to get in the shower.

Jade: age 20

I sat watching my friend Mia reciting a poem by Mya Angelou. I was nervous, my leg was shaking. “Give it up for Mia Abrams” I stood up and clapped for her. She excitedly got off the stage. “Now give it up for an aspiring singer Jade Marie, singing a cover JoJo- Keep On Keepin On”. I drank some water from my water bottle, and walked up to the stage. I was nervous as hell. I closed my eyes as the song started.

https://youtu.be/EaYCAZuSpPM (Its also on playlist)

Ooooh-ooohh

hey-yeeeah

You got to keep on keepin on

You got to keep your head up high

You gotta work with what you've got

And someday you will flyyyyy

Poor kids pouring cold water in their cereal

Second hand clothes

Surviving is pivotal

Praying to God at night

That things'll get better soon

I remember when I was in your position

Tried to tell people my story

But no one would really listen

I know times are hard right now

Happiness is hard to find right now

You got to keep on keepin on

You got to keep your head up high

You gotta work with what you've got

And someday you will flyyyyy

You got to keep on keepin on

You got to keep your head up high

You gotta work with what you've got

And someday you will flyyyyy

Lookin out the window to a rose grows in concrete

Dreamin' of the day when you'll be standing on your own feet

Hard to find the good in such a scene so bad (so so sad)

Seein other kids with their Tims on

Fresh with Air Ones, wish I had one

Longin' for a day when you get your chance to shine

Don't worry, there'll come a tiiiiiiime

Young girl sittin' on the steps of her duplex (mmmm)

Why did God choose to make my life so complex

Breathing to the beat of a slow, sad drum

Trouble is her only source of fun

I can almost guarantee you

It'll get better soooooon

After the song ended everyone started clapping. I opened my eyes smiling. “That was amazing Jade Marie everybody” I waved and quickly walked off stage. “See and you were nervous for nothing” Mia said. I laughed. “ I know”. She looked around. “Where’s your man?” She asked. I put on a smile. “He had to work” I told her. She nodded. “Hey my name is Marcus Gardener, I’m a producer in Atlanta, your performance was really good, you have a innocent star quality to you I would like to work with you... is that okay?” He asked. I nodded. “Yes! Yes I mean sure no problem, I will give you my number” I told him. He smiled and nodded. “Girl he was fine” Mia said. I rolled my eyes. “Yes but Im taken” She sucked her teeth in. “Shit then hook me up!” She said. We headed out and went to waffle house, then I headed home. Ace wasn’t home when I got home. It was 1:15 am. I sighed when I walked in. He was notorious for sometimes being gone being in the streets all night. I went upstairs and got settled in, before I could get in I called him to see where he was at. He answered the phone. “Ace where you at?” I asked. He didn’t answer I just heard moaning on the other end. “Ace!?” I yelled. I quickly hung up the phone. I was trying to keep my shit together. I took a shower and got out and I started crying. I couldn’t believe that someone I fully trusted had did this to me. I hesistated calling on if I should call Mia but I called someone else. “Hello?” I heard Omari say. “Hey O, um can I stay over there for awhile?” I asked. “Ace okay? It’s 2am suh you good?” He said. I started crying. “Can I please, I caught Ace cheating and I have no where to go” I cried. He sighed. “Aight I got you” He said. I packed some of my shit and quickly left the house. Omari had 3 houses. He luckly was at the one 15minutes from Ace crib. I pulled into his gates and drove up the drive way. I got out my G- Wagon. Omari was waiting for me at the door. “Hey J” He said hugging me. His girlfriend Naomi was sitting on the staircase. “Hey JJ” She said I softly smiled. They let me stay in the guest house. “Ima get the nigga Ace straight believe that aight. Here’s some xanax man hopefully you can sleep” He said before walking out.

When I woke up the next morning. I got up , and seen I had alot of messages from Ace.

I got up and washed my face before walking into the other house. I seen Ace car outside. I opened the back door into the house. “Man! I fucked up I know!” I heard Ace yelling. Naomi was sitting on the bar stool looking at me. “Well I was hoping you wasn’t going to walk into this” She said. “She been through alot! Why would you get with her to put her through more shit, you always fucking up Ace!” I heard Omari yell. “Oh yeah thats me Ace the fuck up! Man fuck that shit im out!” Ace yelled. “You always walk away Ace, come fix this shit” Omari yelled. Ace walked into the kitchen and looked at me. “J, come out with me real quick” He said. I looked away from him. “Im good Ace” I said to him. “J baby please” He stressed. I got up and went to the guest house door he followed me. “J, I was just fucking her thats it. I don’t love her, like I love you” He stressed. I looked at him and I walked back into the house and closed the door. He banged on the door for a minute. “Ima stay out here all day, all week all month J. I can’t live without you” He said outside the door. Jade don’t open that door I thought to myself. I put my hand on the handle, then took it off. He kept knocking on the door. I took another pill to knock me out. I took pride in listening to him bang and plead outside, I fell asleep listening to Trey Songs “Smartphones”. I woke up to hearing glass break. I got up quickly and seen Ace at the door with his hand bleeding. “Are you crazy!?” I yelled. He had blood leaking from his hand. “Don’t leave me! I need you!” He stressed. His face was red, I can tell he been crying. “Im soo sorry. I’ma come to your music shit, ima take you all over the world. Give me one more chance J baby” He said. I grabbed the first aid kit under the kitchen sink. I washed his hand off and wrapped it up, after putting peroxide on it. He grabbed my face and kissed me, I couldn’t resist him so I kissed him back. I pulled him back. “Ace, if you do this again. I will never forgive you” I said to him. He nodded. “I ain’t fucking up again”.

2months later: July 30th 2013

Omari: age 27

Naomi and I were doing a wedding registry in Neiman Marcus. We had been together for 2 years and I was certain she was it. After the 1st year, I introduced her to my lifestyle. I was scared she would run but she slowly accepted it. She begged me to quit, but then asked me to show her my world. Ace, X and I agreed the women in our lives needed to be protected. I had Naomi trained with Mackel, and X taught her the business, I showed her around. She learned pretty face, after that I wanted to make her my Queen fast. I know it was wrong for me to steal my homies girl but Teej was in jail, and they wasn’t even that serious. “Ooh baby, this is nice. Im adding this” She said. I nodded. “Whatever you want” I spoiled her like no other. I had her leave her job, finish school paying off her tuition. I got her 2 cars. She wanted a Range Rover, and A Merceedes. We was getting married soon, only 3 weeks away.

3 weeks later: August 13th 2013

Naomi: age 24

“You sure?” I asked Doctor O’hara. “Yeah, two heart beats” She said. I looked at the monitor again. “Thats not my heart beat and the baby’s?” I asked. She laughed, and shook her head. “No that’s definitely two babies in there” She said to me. I sighed. Omari is going to fucking flip his shit. “Can I get those to go?” I asked. She nodded. “Sure”. I had been knowing I was pregnant for a while, but wanted to keep it lowkey because of the wedding. I grabbed my evenlope from the doctors and left the building and got into my car. I took out the evenlope and looked at my ultrasound pictures. “Twins?, man what the fuck?” I said out loud. I put the pictures away, I started my car and drove to the venue. I was getting married in 24hours. “Naomi where have you been? We been looking all over for you!” My bestfriends Teddy and Keisha said. The grabbed me and brought me inside. I seen they had through me a mini party. “We bought to get fucked up!” Teddy screamed. My mom was throwing back shots with my aunt Kiki. “Come on drink Mimi!” Teddy yelled. I shook my head. “I dont want to be hungover at my wedding” I lied. Teddy sighed. “Take one shot” He said. I shook my head. He grabbed me into the bathroom in the hotel room of Chataue Elan. “Bitch are you knocked up?” He said. I sighed, and started crying. “Yesss, and Im having twins” I cried. Teddy was in shock. “Bitch what?” He said. I nodded. “I went to the doctors today, Im 13 weeks pregnant, and its 2 babies Teddy, 2 fucking kids at the same time, like what the fuck!” I cried. He snatched my shot out my hand and chugged it. “Honey, Congradulations I guess babies are a blessing. God ain’t giving you nothing you can’t handle” He said to me. I nodded slowly. Teddy didn’t understand. Im marrying Atlantas top organized drug dealer, who has hits on him at the moment then on top of that! Im pregnant with two babies! Twin babies. Like God I see what your doing, Im very blessed but now I’m overwhelmed. I groaned. “I need to see O” I stressed. Teddy shook his head. “He is having his bachelor party wait till tomorrow” He said. I nodded, he brought me back out to the party. “Ima fix you some food” He said. Keish came up to me. “You good?” I nodded. I didn’t want everyone knowing when my baby daddy/husband didn’t even know yet. Teddy passed me a plate of Rotel, and Fried Fish. I inhaled the fish and my stomach turned. I quickly put the plate down and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I heard a knock at the door and seen Jade. I opened the door for her. “You okay Naomi?” She asked. I started crying again. She got a towel and wet it, passing it to me while rubbing my back. “Is it like them wedding jitters or whatever?” She asked. I shook my head. “Im um Im having a baby” I said. She smiled widely. “Oh my gosh congrats girl” She said. I shook my head. “Im not happy about it” I told her. She shrugged. “Why not?” She asked. “Getting married is one thing but im marrying into the game, now you want me to put my babies at risk too?” I said. Her eyes widened. “Twins?” She asked. I nodded. “Well I been knowing Ace since I was 13, and I been around the game so much I got used to the ins and the outs, and you knew O was down when you fell for him, you knew the risk, the one thing you should know is them niggas aint going to ever let shit happen to us or the people they love, yall got this you good” She told me. I wiped my face. “You right” I said. Teddy busted into the bathroom with my mom. Teddy looked at me and sighed. “This is killing my high, I mean my buzz” He said. He walked out the bathroom. “Mimi you good?” She asked. I nodded.

After I threw up, I went to sleep in Jade’s room, since Ace was going to be with O all night. I didn’t want to ruin the mini bachelorette they through me so I just left them to party while I got some sleep. I woke up to my alarm, letting me know it was time to get dressed. My nerves were shot. I been throwing all morning, and crying. “Mimi fucking chill!” Keisha yelled annoyed. “Man fuck this” I got up with my hair pincurled and my make up done. I had on a robe and slippers. I left my make up stylist room and went down to Omaris floor. I heard Rich As Fuck by Lil Wayne blasting. I banged on the door. “Yooo wazzam sis” Ace said. His breath smelled like henny. “Um its bad luck Naomi” X said. I waved him off. “I need to talk to you” I said to O. He looked at me crazy and nodded. He grabbed my hand, and lead me to the balcony. “You look beautiful, but I aint supposed to see you right now, whats up baby, you bout to dip on a nigga?” He asked. I shook my head. “Uhhh I been scared to tell you this but I wanted to say something before the wedding” I said fiddling with my fingers. “What? Baby just say that shit” He said. “Im pregnant” I said. He stepped back a little. “Since when?” He asked. I rolled my eyes. “Since 13 weeks ago nigga! Im pregnant okay, 13 weeks to be exact” I said. He wiped his hand across his face. “Aight okay thats cool, its all good baby” He simply said. I shook my head, and handed him a picture. “Whats this the baby?” He asked analyzing the picture. “Babies and yes” I simply said. He looked at me then the picture, “Babies?” He asked. I nodded and put up the number 2. “Twins” I said. He quickly walked back in and snatched the henny bottle from Ace and started downing the liquor. “Twins!” He yelled. I sighed and nodded. “O please dont make a scene” I calmly stated. He walked back over to me. “So look, we going to figure this out just please get ready so I can marry your beautiful ass, my fucking baby mama” He said to me kissing me. I smiled at him. I nodded and left to go back up to my suite to get dressed. “OMG nigga! We thought you ran, you got 30minutes come on!” Keisha panicked.

X age 18:

“So you want this type of wedding one day or nah?” I asked Heiress. She smiled at me as we danced. “Something quiet, intimate” She simply said. “I can deal with that” I said smiling. She looked at me. “Are you insinuating that you want to marry me Xander Domonic Knight?” She asked. “Ehhhh maybe” I said. She laughed at me. “I love a man that knows what he wants” She simply said. We were dancing to “Must be nice” by Lyfe Jennings. “Okay man, let me go ahead and give this toast” Ace said clickling on Wine Glass. “First off I want to thank my baby J, for being there for me regardless, and to my big bruh, you my nigga man Im happy you found a bitch to hold you down” Ace said. Naomi awkwardly smiled, O shook his head and laughed. The older people shook they head at his speech. “Uh thanks bruh” O said. I tapped on my glass I grabbed off a table. “Uh thanks for that speech Ace., uh Naomi thank you for being down with O, and being a real one by his side, he’s a great dude. An amazing big brother and we love yall and wish yall nothing but love”. O and Naomi lifted their glasses. “Thank yall” Naomi said. O stood up. “I want to thank all yall coming to celebrate our union, I also want to let everyone know that Naomi and I will be welcoming our first kids, twins come 2014” He said. Everyone looked shocked but started clapping including me and Heiress. “Wow” I said. “Congrats nigga!” Ace yelled. He was drunk as fuck. “Congrats yall” We all said. The DJ went back to playing music.

6 months later: January 14th 2014

Over the pass 2 years, Heiress and I had graduated highschool, she went to Georgia State for nursing, and I went to Georgia Tech to major in business, then after that I was going to Cordon Bleu to be a chef, O had moved out to a house in Kennesaw with Naomi since they was starting a family, so I had the whole Mansion to myself. Heiress had wanted a college life before she decided to move in with me, plus her mom wasn’t feeling it. I had got a call from Omari while I was in school. He had left me like 4 missed calls. I pulled up at the spot, where we supplied our shit and did our deals. “What’s going on? I was in the middle of a test when you called” I told O. He had his gun out, along with K.C and was shushing me. He passed me a gun and a bullet proof vest. “Niggas in here robbing us”. He whispered. I heard a silent engine roaring. I looked and seen it was Ace in his Ashton Martin. His door lifted up and he got out the car clocking his gun with his vest already on. “Man the fuck yall out here standing for, niggas messing with our money” Ace walked pass us. K.C shook his head “Shit bout to be messy forreal now”. Ace walked in and I was behind him. We seen niggas in all black stuffing shit in they bags. Ace aint hesitate and started shooting. O was fighting a nigga, K.C and I went upstairs. The men started shooting at us. I shoot back. We had a big shoot out. Finally all the niggas was dead in the spot except one who O had held for questioning. “We need to get this shit out before police show up and set up another spot” I simply said. O nodded. Ace was sitting on the counter eating chips with blood splatter on his face. I shook my head. Homie was crazy. K.C laughed. “You always eating after a shoot out, weird ass” He said. Ace shrugged. “Shit had me hungry” He said. “Who sent you, Ima ask you one more time before I paint these walls with whats left of you?!” O yelled with a machete in his hand. “Jackall” He simply said. “Who is that?” I asked. “The king of East Atlanta” He simply said. “How you find our shit?” O asked. “Jackall said he has connections” O nodded. “We got a snitch in our crew?” He asked him. The nigga shrugged. “I know nothing else just what was told, I swear” He said. “Aight” O said. Before O could untie him, shots rang off killing the nigga. O looked over at Ace. “Nigga, Damn” O said. Ace simply looked at us. “My shawty cooking tonight, I got to be home before she start bitchin, and he was just going to run his mouth anyways. Cops 15 minutes away lets pack shit and head out” Ace said. K.C started laughing. “He’s such a Gemini” He said. I started laughing too, cause he wasn’t lying. We grabbed most of our shit, cleared the place out of any identity, and got the hell on to reload our shit into another safe house to reload. I headed out home, to get cleaned up.

When I got to my crib. I seen Heiress car in the drive way. I had gave her a key to my crib eventhough we don’t live together. I walked inside the house. “Heiri” I called out. “Im in here” She said from my dinning room. I walked in and seen her sitting there with my guns on the table. I sighed. “Why do you have 4 guns?” She asked. I actually had a gun in each room, bathroom and 5 in the kitchen. I shrugged. “Protection, my dad gave them to me” I lied. She slowly nodded. “But there not even normal guns X, what is this like an Ak-47? what about this a pistol? I dont know what you call these other two, are these even registered X. What if the police find these, and theres bodies on these you will go to jail!” She panicked. “Heiress, baby chill man please I been having these it’s okay” I said to her. She folded her arms. “You sure?” She asked. I nodded. “Baby its all good, Just protection” I stated. She slowly nodded her head. “I came over to surprise you by cleaning your big ass house and cooking dinner, Im sorry I got nosey” She told me. I grabbed her and kissed her forehead. “Mi casa su casa” I said to her. She smiled. “You already being a wife to yo man, I love it! I love you!” I said to her. She smirked. I took the guns off the table and took them down to the basement. The basement had a key pad entry. If it didn’t Heiress would have found the drugs that I had in the basement. My trap phone buzzed. “Wazzam?” I answered. “We got more problems X, that Jackall nigga hijacked our stash while we was shooting the niggas in the spot earlier today” K.C said. I sighed. “Shit! We got to put out a hit now, but we wait on O, what he say?” I asked. “Naomi went into early labor, O is busy. I just got to call Ace” He stated. I nodded. “Ace would handle that shit quick” I said. K.C laughed. “Aight, Ima get Ace” He hung up the phone. I heard knocking on the basement door. I ran up the steps. “What’s up?” I asked closing the door behind me. “When are you going to show me what’s down there?” Heiress said. I shrugged. “One day” I simply said. She pouted. “When is that?” She asked. I sighed. “What you cooking?” I asked her. She rolled her eyes. “Whats down there X just tell me!” She said. “My dads business stuff, that’s it” I said. She shrugged, “Well let me look?” She said. Someone knocked on the door. I quickly went to the door to see who it was. It was Ace. “What up bruh bruh?” Ace said dapping me up. He looked at Heiress. “What up Heiress?” He said. She put on a smile coming over to hug Ace. “Hey Ace” She said greeting him. “Lets talk” Ace said. Heiress went back to kitchen. We walked down stairs to the basement. “Whats up?” I asked. “My gang ready to roll, problem is my nigga said he seen TiTi hanging over at the eastside spot where Jackall hide out is” He told me. I looked up at him. “Tiana?” I asked he nodded. “Aint want to shoot up the whole spot killing your blood” He said. I nodded. “Ima handle Tiana” Ace nodded. “I got to get back to the east side and secure my shit on my turf” He simply said. We went back upstairs. “You leaving?” Heiress asked. I nodded. “Tiana shit again” I told her. She rolled her eyes. “Tiana is such a problem but okay go be a big brother, I will see you later” She said kissing me. Ace made a funny face. “Yuck” He said. “You don’t kiss you shawty?” I asked. He smirked. “We do alot but I don’t like seeing yall kiss, but I got to dip and go with Jade to check on MiMi yall coming?” He asked. I nodded remembering O was at the hospital with his wife. “Yeah Ima see yall there” He nodded and got in his car. I drove to Decatur to visit Tiana. She wasn’t answring her phone.

Character Pics:

La-La (Alexis Sky) age 19:

Heiress: age 18

X:

Naomi:

Omari:

Jade:

Ace:

[hakimnoah]

Week 1, Fortaleza

It’s been 9 days now since I arrived in Brazil, and while I feel exhausted from the adjustment, I am so grateful to be here. My Portuguese is good enough to communicate freely about almost anything, as I am able to describe words that I don’t know. The only thing that is still difficult is trying to understand some of the Acreanos who have thicker accents and speak only about 10% of each word. It’s basically it’s own language, and when I get to Mapia there will be more people speaking that way than there are here. Hopefully I’ll pick up on it!

So where am I? The state of Acre, which is where the Santo Daime was created by Mestre Raimundo Irineu Serra in the early 1930s, is located in the northern region of Brazil. I flew from Miami to Brasilia, and then eventually made my way to Rio Branco (the capital city of Acre) after an adventurous layover in the airport. 

I’m holding a lot things simultaneously. First and foremost, I must remember my mission here, which is to bring a consciousness of love and gentleness to the Santo Daime that is lacking in many churches in its embodied manifestation of care toward our brothers and sisters. I am not always able to hold this consciousness myself, as I can be vulnerable to the pressures of what others are doing, thinking or feeling, yet I am learning from my Padrinho and Madrinha at my home church about how to bring this consciousness that they embody so well. This, above all things, is my goal for this trip––to trust myself and to trust God in me, the light that guides me on this path and all paths, so that I may participate in the healing of the world in the way that am meant to. 

Second, I am here completing my degree in Human Ecology, bringing the Santo Daime more fully into my studies and also joining its energy more fully with the College of the Atlantic, for the sole purpose of bringing more love, light, joy, harmony, peace, and hope into our community. My writings, based on my own experiences and the experiences of those I talk to, will be guided by this mission and the divine intention that brought it about. This intention, to merge the world of the mind and the world of the heart, is my purpose in academia and thus my purpose here in Brazil. As I learn to trust myself and my inner guidance, I know that I will be brought closer to understanding my work here on Earth.

I have just returned to the capital, Rio Branco, after spending 10 days in a small Daime community called Fortaleza, located just south of Capixaba on the Brazilian border with Bolivia (marked below with red arrow). Tonight, I head up towards Céu do Mapia, a large Santo Daime village deep in the amazon rainforest which serves as the global headquarters for the CEFLINA/CEFLURIS lineage of the Santo Daime (explanations to come in later blog posts).

The community stands in some of the last remaining Rainforest in the area, as the amazon basin has been ravaged by deforestation for agricultural purposes (mainly cattle and soy to feed said cattle).

Already my healing abilities are opening in the works, and I have had three different people come sit with me or ask me to come help them during the works. One man in particular, Joel, feels something he calls “força” in me, a word that is used very commonly in the Daime including by its founder, Mestre Irineu Serra. On new years eve, we opened the Santo Daime work at about 9PM. After the rosary, I saw my first Daime wedding. It was interesting to see, but strange that both the bride and groom were not smiling, and hardly anyone seemed to be experiencing much joy. The community came together in a more religious, serious manner than I would have expected. Leading out of this, we began the hinario around 10PM, singing Luiz Mendes. As we began singing, I was dancing strong for about 40 hymns, and I began to notice the seriousness of the current even more. The focus on military discipline, and an energy of pushing that I am very familiar in myself of having to fulfill the structure or rules more than the love and joy of being able to celebrate together. There are many people here that I am already friends with, many who have welcomed me and some who have been drawn to the energy I bring to the works which I have learned from Julie (my spiritual teacher) and Doran and Mashubi (the leaders of my church at home, and my godparents).

There are so many beautiful amazing souls here, with so much love. I feel connected to this community in daily life, at least more than I expected I would. Yet somehow, in the works themselves, all that seems to disappear as the structure takes shape and the dance formations are made. It feels like a battle, much more than any other church I’ve been in. More than anything, the lack of guardianship is striking. I hear it is common in Acre, and probably will be the case at Mapia, but if you are going through a passage, no one is there to look out for you unless you ask for it.

The Daime here takes a very long time to take force, it is made from native jagube (banesteriopis caapi) and rainha (chacruna) that grow in the forest here. I drank three times before I felt hardly anything, and then later it was quite strong. When I left the line in the middle of the hinario to get water, Nick Wong called me over (Nick is a friend that I met in Portland OR). He said “I need you to tell me that I am here for a reason.” I immediately affirmed this, and allowed words to come through me about our mission here in this current to bring a consciousness of light that is not yet present. Nick was helped greatly by this and began to cry, and I kept talking softly to him but firmly, only short sentences as I was guided. I was very clear through this part, and even though I knew I shouldn’t be talking (according to the rules of the house), it was obvious to me that God was guiding my words and placing me where I was needed. It was no accident that Nick is here, and that he was having the exact same experience as me of the current being full of an energy of control, and a lack of love. During this time, a few others needed help and I was able to help them as well. I was astounded at how God was using me to do the work of Julie and the christ within the very current where I had perviously been feeling simply sad and dejected, lost and disappointed in what wasn’t possible. It was so profound to me that my mission was being conducted through my body and energy field, and through my words and actions, without me having to do anything. None of it was because I “wanted” to do something or help or change something in any way. Instead, I was placed exactly where I was needed most.

I like this lineage very much in many respects- The one thing that is missing, which is important above all else, is the love and joy in the salão itself. I feel much joy and love from everyone after, and even during the breaks, just while the work is going on there is a kind of seriousness that takes on a militaristic quality.

Finally I returned to shower, then eat, then slept some 4 hours.

The next two days have passed in a blur, and I am feeling my system simultaneously depleted and invigorated. When drinking so much daime, all night, every day or every other day, one’s system becomes saturated with the medicine. I don’t feel the force during the day to day work, but I can feel it’s presence nonetheless.

As I continue on my path here, it is hard to hold the overall picture of the project. Much must be done daily to help out around the community and to simply take care of my body. In nearly 100% humidity, it is easy to forget to drink water as thirst doesn’t present itself. Clothes never really dry fully, so one is constantly damp and trying to dry one’s clothes. It’s a difficult life here, and I can see the consequences in the culture. People are very adept at “dando um jeito” or “finding a way.” This Portuguese expression contains much of the culture, as nothing happens the way it might be expected in the United States. Even the way people dress is far more casual, the way they express love physically is more casual, they time that they arrive places is more casual (“Brazil time” is 1 hour after scheduled time).

Much of these adjustments are easy and natural for me, as they largely make sense and conform to some of my own pre-existing habits such as a lack of timeliness. I know that the adjustment back to the US will be harder than the adjustment here, as it always is when I travel. For now I’m just hoping that my strength returns as my body adjusts to the climate.

Will write more soon! Going to mapia in a few days. Won’t have much internet but when I return I will have much to share!

Blessings,

Hakim

[sometimes-issy-writes-blog]

Chapter 4:

Morning came sooner than I would have liked. Reluctantly I throw my legs out of bed sitting up. The knotting tension in my back reminds me of its presence. I ache all over I allow myself a moment of self-pity before forcing on with my day.

I’m up and out of yesterday’s clothes striding towards the bathroom at the inviting idea of a warm shower. However, before I can get there I see my work phone light up on the coffee table. Still clutching the soft towels in my arm, I walk into the open plan kitchen and living room to get it. A message from Arthur letting me know that they’ve extracted the information from the microchip and notified the relevant authorities.

I breathe a sigh of relief glad my slip up wouldn’t be of much consequence. Getting ready for the day ahead was easier now as I shower. The chill of the October air reminds me to dress warm as I open my room window it bites at my cheeks as I prime my skin for makeup.  I’m out of my apartment in record time and on the road to my Mother’s house to pick my favourite four-legged friend.

I see Milo in the bay window of the house as I pull up. Not bothering to knock I push my way through the front door. “Hi Mum I’m back” I call as Milo descends on me barking and milling around legs excited. I kneel to greet him properly petting his golden fur “Oh I’ve missed you too Milo”.

My Mum appears then in the door way to the kitchen “hi sweetheart how was your trip did you close the deal?” she asked smiling.

“Of course, I did” I lie easily still absentmindedly stroking Milo. I stand and step into my Mums open arms for a hug when we break away she hold me at arm’s length giving me a once over.

“You look nice darling got anything big planned today? A date maybe” Mum questions picking up on my well put together outfit: Black fitted trousers and a cool grey knitted jumper with a yellow plaid shirt layered underneath rounded off with grey oxford shoes and tan fur lined winter jacket.

“No just heading into the office again got something to sort out” I reply noting how easy it’s getting to lie to my Mother.

“Well don’t let me keep you then” Mum says saying goodbye to Milo.

After a rushed goodbye and quick stop at my apartment to drop off Milo I’m on my way back to H.Q. Not bothering to say hello to the shop attendant as I enter the shop and bolt into the secret elevator. I shift my weight between my two legs as I wait for the doors to open. When they do I walk at a brisk pace to Merlin’s cave where the door stands wide open.

In the room Harry stands with his hand on the back of Merlin’s chair not saying a word. Agent Tequila our resident Statesmen stands on the far side of the chair both hands on Merlin’s desk leaning in to look at the centre screen. Merlin himself sits with both elbows on either side of his keyboard.

“I hope I’m not interrupting? I also hope you’re not all watching footage of Tequila’s last mission” I say making my presence known and referring to the Statesman’s latest mission where he was tasked with seducing a target to get information.

Tequila’s booming laughter filled the room. “Nothing quite as enthralling as that little lady I assure you” he replied motioning for me to come look at the screen. A bad quality video is playing of several men in cuffs being led away by police men in what appeared to be a ship yard.

I recognise the men immediately as the inner circle of the human trafficking gang I’ve been working to shut down for the last month. With a satisfied smirk I squeeze Merlin’s shoulder and say, “you got them?”

Merlin nods as Harry says, “due in no small part to you Lancelot excellent work. I’ll need a written mission report from you of course ”

Tequila pats me on the back as he leaves the room. Cast my face down trying to hide my delight at this fortunate turn of events today is already a better day than yesterday. I take a seat at a desk behind Merlin’s massive set up and work on my report. As a comfortable silence settles between the two of us I suddenly remember what day it is.

“Ugh its Friday, isn’t it?” I ask Merlin who stops typing to look back at me straining his neck.

“Yeah all day long why what’s happening today?” Merlin probed now fully turned around to look at me.

“My oldest friend turns twenty-five today and we’re supposed to go clubbing to celebrate” a familiar feeling of dread settled over me. I hate clubs all those sweaty drunk people with no concept of personal space. Nights like this always ended the same way, my friend Polly would always get either too drunk and cry or just the right amount of drunk to go home with just about anyone. Whatever way this night panned out I would be babysitting once again.

“Oh well that sound fun!” He offered trying to get me hyped for tonight.  “I love clubs and despite how exceptionally dressed you usually are it’d be nice to see out of the Kingsman attire” he added raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Laughing I reply, “come on Merlin we both know no matter how tight my dress is I just don’t do it for you!” Referring to the fact that women everywhere are devastated when they learn that this beautiful, intelligent man is about as straight as a roundabout.

“Oh, you wound me Lancelot, but I mean it since the day we met you’ve been working tirelessly its time you let loose” Merlin implores. Then adds smirking “maybe even take someone home or be taken home by someone. Ya know make some young man’s night!”

I hummed in response not dignifying that statement with an answer. Deciding that I won’t be making any more progress on this today with tonight pressing on my mind. Saying a quick goodbye to Merlin I guess I might as well knock off early.

Skipping down the steps of the shop I decide to phone Polly she answers on the second ring.

“Hey Felicity! It’s been ages how’ve you been? How’s the new job? Any cute co-workers? Ah are you excited for tonight?” Polly wastes no time bombarding me with questions.

“Hey yourself, I’m great thanks the new job is going good just got back from a business trip it was mental! As for the tragedy of my love life all the men here are either taken or gay it’s a travesty truly and yes I can’t wait for tonight.” Being used to my best friend I rapidly answer her questions; the last part was lie of course but I couldn’t tell her that. “How’s everything with you? Happy Birthday by the way god you so old”

“Oi your only two months younger than me you Christmas baby you! Oh, and yeah everything’s great with me apart from being old and decrepit blah why do we have to age?” Polly whined. “Seriously I’m half way to fifty! How does that even happen”

“Relax Pol I’m sure you’ll feel differently when we’re celebrating tonight. We can get ready in mine because I’m closer to the city centre than you are.” I’m in my car now my feet had automatically carried me to where I needed to go without me even being fully aware of it. “I’ve got to go now I’m about to start driving, try not shrivel up and turn to dust before tonight Grandma”

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” Pol said in mock exasperation then started laughing. “I’ll be over before eight I’ll bring wine I’ll see you then love you.”

“Love you too Birthday girl bye” the line goes dead.

I start my car and drive home avoiding the crazy lunchtime traffic. I had a list of things to do before tonight. Deciding that walking Milo was a priority I quickly change into my running gear. Milo who was dozing in his dog bed was quick to catch on to what was happening and ran into the kitchen to retrieve his lead for me.

“Good boy Milo” I say affectionately taking the lead and attaching it to his collar. He sits obediently waiting for me to be ready. I tie up my hair and then I’m ready to go.

It’s a short walk to the park where me and Milo do our run. Once we get there we’re all business the earphones are in music as loud as it can go. After some warm up and stretches were off at a fast pace Milo effortlessly keeping up with me. Trying to beat our personal best of forty-five minutes to get around the circuit.

The run is as unremarkable as always, we finish thirty seconds faster than last time. Slowing to a walk then stopping altogether for some well-deserved water. On the way home, an elderly woman and her grandchild stop me to ask if they can pet Milo. “Of course,” I say telling Milo to sit. He obeys quickly.

“Golden Retrievers are such a lovely breed, aren’t they?” I smile and nod at the older women who smiles down at Milo panting happily with all the attention he’s receiving. “So mild mannered great for young families don’t you think”

“I’m sure he would be, but I wouldn’t really know I don’t have any kids” I admit to the women standing beside me.

“Ah that’s a shame dear but there’s still plenty of time yet don’t fret.” She says. Yeah right that’s the last thing on my mind I think to myself. After a few more minutes of overly intrusive small talk I’m glad when she finally says, “We’d best be off now lovely meeting you dear”

I wave them off crossing the street to my apartment complex Milo plodding along beside me jauntily. We get inside and ignoring my burning calf muscles I opt for the stairs Milo has never been fond of elevators. I’m on the third floor so the climb isn’t unbearable.

Once inside Milo goes for a lie down and I get to tidying and laundry. Its half seven before I know it and Polly is outside my door with a suitcase full of possible getups and makeup.

“So, I don’t know about you, but I feel like going home with someone tonight” Polly blurts out after her second glass of wine. She’s sitting on my bed doing her makeup in my vanity.

I’m in the doorway glass in hand looking at my clothing options from afar to help me decide. I sigh and reply “really Pol I don’t mind, you do you. I don’t really do the whole casual sex thing.” Before she can call me a prude I continue “but as your friend and seeing as it is your Birthday I’ll make sure you only go home with someone on your level of hotness”

Polly snots into her wine “and that’s why you’re my best girl” we make eye contact in the mirror and raise our glasses in a silent toast. After too long a drink of wine to be considered sophisticated Polly adds “Felicity I love you, but you really need to live a little I mean come on your young and pretty. Who wouldn’t want to wake up next to you tomorrow? Take some risks.”

Oh, if only you knew Polly I think slyly. Casting my eyes back to the clothes cluttering my double bed, I decide on the tightest dress I own its red and clings to all the right places. I decided to just to freshen my makeup from work instead of starting all over again. A quick smoky eye and a little eye liner later I’m putting on my heels.

“Polly the taxi’s here come on” I yell into my room from the kitchen throwing my favourite leather jacket over my shoulders, bag in the other hand. Time to clock on for my part time babysitting gig I think as Polly stumbles from my room ready to go.

The club is already packed by the time we get there. Polly disappears to dance and pick her target for the night not nearly drunk enough for this I fight my way to the bar to try get on everyone else’s level.

The bar is swarmed by people way taller than me which is most people, but I digress. They’ve created an impenetrable wall of stilettoes and suit jackets. In my annoyance I give up huffing and stepping back without looking. My lower back bumps against the table behind me and I turn around to apologise.

The sole occupant of the table was dressed well except for the snapback on his head. He didn’t seem to notice my transgression, but feeling my eyes on him he look up to meet my gaze. “What?” he yells to be heard over the pounding bass.

I blinked realising I was gawking at his “Oh I bumped your table I was just saying sorry.” I allowed myself a good look at his face he was cute I guess handsome even.

“Apology accepted” he said scrutinizing my face too. I wondered if now was the time to bow out of this awkward conversation gracefully. Until he says, “are y’ here alone?” I step around the table, so I can speak to him easier all the while throwing my eyes around the room spotting Polly in the thick of it as usual.

“I might as well be” I admit laughing “are you?”

“Yeah completely I just really needed a drink” he said sounding a little sad.

“Bad day? I can relate you should have seen the stare of me yesterday” I probe.

“More like bad month but y’ won’t catch me complaining” he said putting an end to my line of inquiry.

“Listen I’ve spilled your drink can I buy you a new one?” I offer, for some reason I feel compelled to keep the conversation going. What can I say he intrigues me?

“Sure, I’ll have a martini” the man in the snapback replies. I raise an eyebrow at him wondering if he’s taking the piss. Deciding he’s not I move towards the bar only to remember why I’d given up on getting a drink.

I try muscling my way in but to no avail. I try to squeeze into a gap in the corner only to be knocked off balance by a tall man far too drunk to notice me all the way down here. As I go to stumble a pair of firm hands steady me at the waste. The man from before is looking down at me as I look over my shoulder.

“Ah, my hideous hat wearing hero” I quip noticing his hands haven’t left my waist yet.

He leans forward and speaks into my ear “hey say wot you want about me but don’t go after my hat oright?” He laughs, and I smile. “Now let’s get those drinks yeah?” He moves though the bar crowd without much difficulty keeping an arm around my waist to guide me along with him. As we settle at the counter and wait our turn to order I stand as tall as I can to try see Pol over the throngs of people.

“Your friend’s over on the dancefloor with some blond rugby player type,” the man’s voice says close to my ear. I follow his line of sight and see her.

Then it occurred to me “how’d you know I was lo.” The arrival of the barman cuts me off.

“Hi what can I get ya?” he asked shortly clearly run off his feet.

The man begins before I can “Hey can I get a martini and a…”

“Oh” I say realising he’s waiting for me to tell the bartender what I want. “Rum and coke please”

“Coming right up” he makes our drinks and when I go to pay him I’m interrupted once again.

“Nah I’ve got this don’t worry” he says paying for our drinks promptly. Then taking the lead through the crowd glancing back at me to make sure I’m following. I do, and we make it back to his table.

“I thought I was supposed to be paying for theses” I motion at the drinks not set down on the table.

“You can get the next round granted you can make it to the bar!” He says teasingly. I do my best to look indignant, but I know it’s true just as much as he does.

Picking up my rum and coke to take a sip before I reply, “that sounds acceptable but, next round we’re having shots.”

~Two hours later~

Why did I have to suggest shots? I can drink rum all night but add sambuca into the mix and things get messy. Shots are what have in my current predicament. Can you call being backed up against the wall of an ally outside a club with a stranger’s tongue in your mouth a predicament? I’m going to. Not that the situation is unpleasant more so that it is completely out of character for me. Usually I don’t hook up, I date. Most importantly however I don’t typically let a man who’s name I still don’t put their hands up my dress but here we are never the less.

The worst part is I’m enjoying being out of character so much. Genuinely that may be the alcohol talking, but once again I digress.

The ringing of my personal phone causes us to break apart. I duck under his arm which, is still resting beside where my head was moments ago to retrieve it.

I see Polly’s name flash across the screen and quickly answer it. “Pol what’s wrong?” I snap and instantly regret it. Part of me knows she didn’t intentionally sabotage my very out of character moment. Another part of me is still annoyed at her for doing so.

“You’re mad at me” Polly replies drunkenly but still full of emotion.

Clearly Polly had transitioned from drunk and easy to drunk and sad. I adjust my dress and look over my shoulder at the now snapback-less man, who smirks at me awkwardly. I hold one finger up indicating for him to wait a minute.

“I’m not mad Polly, tell me where you are I’ll come get you” I smile apologetically back at him.

“I’m outside the club, come find me” she whines. I don’t say goodbye before I hang up on her.

Turning fully to face the man behind me I say, “I’ve got to go rescue my friend.” When he looks somewhat disappointed I add “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be its oright, another time yeah?” he held out his hand but as I go so shake it he moves it away. “No, I mean give me your phone.”

“Oh, here” I hand it to him feeling stupid and he puts his number in.

He hands it back without another word and we walk together to the top of the ally. I spot Polly immediately and unfortunately for me she sees me too.

“I guess this is where we say goodnight.” I say to him smiling slightly “thanks for an interesting night.”

“Thank you for spilling my drink” he says ever the charmer even in his drunken state. I smile at him again before we finally say goodnight.

He’s gone before Polly makes it to me grabbing my forearm through the crowd. “You could have told me you were busy, you know getting busy?” I cringe as she laughs loudly at her own joke.

We throw ourselves into the first taxi we can find. We’re half way to Polly’s before she speaks again “he was fit, what’s his name?”

I didn’t know but not wanting to give Polly anymore reason to tease me I remember he put his number in my phone. I search down through the names until I find one that’s unfamiliar. “Eh Eggsy” I say finally.

“That’s a weird name” she says giggling.

We arrive at her house not long after that and twenty minutes later I’m outside my apartment paying the cabby. Opting for the elevator this time, shoes in hand I unlock my door stepping inside. Milo looks up from his bed before going back to sleep. I head straight for bed not bothering getting undressed or pulling the blinds. Without another thought about the past few hours I fall easily to sleep.

A/N: Longest chapter yet. I also still don’t own Kingsman.

[itshaejinju]

Jin’s 7 Levels of FF15 Hell

Okay so 7 levels of this Hell but I can’t help myself when it comes to a pretty face and some other choice quality assets.

So @blindbae and @cupnoodle-queen (anyone else do this?) described their adventures in the FF15 Hell well I decided it was time to do it for myself.

Let’s get marching into hell the Hells I live in, darling.

Gladiolus: I live here, my mail comes here. I will always be in a permanent fixture in this hell. I have been a fan girl of Gladiolus since Versus 13 trailers and I was like who is this tank of a man, what’s his story - what’s his number? See his new look on the FF15 promo shit and I’m like, fuck I’m dead. I won’t survive this game. All versions of him just get my attention, like Versus, Brotherhood and the game, slays me. Play the game and I see:

And well, “awesome fan service thanks Square.”

Slowly as we start more into the game I’m just constantly drawn into his appearance, mannerisms (THE CUTEST DORKIEST SNEEZES EVER, reading and overall dorkiness) personality and power house skills just had me on the floor. The fuckin’ cup noodle quest happened after a really shitty day and I laughed the whole time about his over enthused ways about “Ultimate Flavor” and it really made me feel better. Sure his outrage to Noctis on the train and other spots had me yelling at the screen at him, telling him to stop yelling the “Emo Marshmallow” because well Noctis is trying. But I also see Gladiolus’ side of the story as I have been in a similar type of scenario so I felt with both sides. I always wished that instead of the Giglamesh Trials he went to have a funeral father and mourn their death and take a fuckin’ spa day or something.

He is the main reason for my thirst all day everyday, I can’t help myself, I tried and then was like “FUCK it.” So I embrace all of it.

In the fanfics and HC: I love Teddy Bear Gladiolus, rough Gladiolus and all the stuff in between. I love that he’s totally headcanoned to have a cock to rule all cocks. And totally a pervert with a lot of sexual desires. Fills my blackened sinnamon roll heart to the brim. (with cum) That he’s kind, patient (sometimes) and all the things I just enjoy in life.

Blind!Ignis: I visit here on the weekends, always smells like fresh coffee and french toast. It’s like a nice hotel. 

At first I was like, “Who is this boy? Who is the mom friend of this group? Was like okay he’s model pretty, good with the daggers and funny with puns. Totally see him as a friend. Slowly he started to grow more than that and making me want to spray him with water to get him away from me.

I was like I can’t handle two hells! Just no please go! *sprays Ignis with a water bottle, hair goes flat around his face, clothes stuck to his body* FUCK YOU LOOK HOTTER. GO!!

Then shit goes down and he gets blinded. *UGLY SOBBING* *A LOT OF UGLY SOBBING* And I was like:

I love that he has zero fucks to give afterwards. He isn’t crying because he can’t see, he’s like “FUCKERS I HAVE A JOB TO DO LET’S GO!” And well that strikes me as sexy as fuck, like instead of breaking down and “woe is me” he soldiers on. It’s not like not blind Ignis is a pansy but it just made it clear to me that once he goes blind he is a strong and fantastic character. So I’m like “well let’s enjoy a cup of ebony any day of the week.”

I fell out of Blind!Ignis hell after playing the game but I visited often as a guilty pleasure. Then the damn Episode Ignis Trailer came out and well I jumped right back in.

And I’ve fully accepted Blind!Ignis hell specially paired with Gladiolus as the fatal GladNis. It really is a nice specially pairing that I enjoy being apart of. GladJuNis

Ravus: I vacation here, it’s so angsty, but cuddly awkward and I love it.

GOD DAMN. He was my guilty pleasure from the second I saw him in Kingsglaive. I didn’t like his character design in Kingsglaive but the voice and the personality was like “OH hello, darling!” So I was like hmm, I bet he will be in the game and I get to deal with him more. *Insert evil cackling*

When he saunters into the game I dropped my controller on the floor and needed to pick up my jaw from the floor. It was a instant panty killer.

I was like he’s a bad guy don’t love him. . .NO LOVE HIM TONS.

So I guilty pleasure loved him, “OH he’s horrid, bad guy!” *OH god can he pin me to the wall with that Magitek arm, PLEASE!?!*

It wasn’t until Tumblr did I fully unleash my love for him and admitted full love to him. In which I gush about him a lot with @stephicness

In the game where you had to kill him I screamed at the television at 2 am, “NO!” I tried my best not to kill him, like was there a way around it not to kill him?! When I realized I had to kill the poor beanpole I started to cry, I was like “I’ll make it quick and clean sweetheart!”

*Insert more ugly sobbing, and damning Square on attacking my feels*

He totally appeals to my tsundere love, the misunderstood character of the story! He was just trying to take care of his sister, sacrificing all he had left for her! Totally has me just wishing things went better for him, he deserved so much better!!!

I have such a strong desire for a steamy jealous fuck fic for him to be written, I just haven’t figured out how to word it right on his parts. But it will be arriving one day soon. *rubs palms together*

Cor: Visit every other weekend. It’s a nice comforting Hell, this are always in order and Cor is vigilant over his residents.

MOOSH’S husband. @themissimmortal Literally my tags say #cor x moosh that comes up whenever I type “cor”.

I didn’t join Cor hell until I met Moosh and read her smuts for him and when I did anons for her and wrote a few fics with him in it for her. I was like hey he’s quite nice, I could get comfy here. I like the idea of shy in front of his girl (moosh) but the fiery passions that embroil his soul releases as he let’s go and loves up on her. Totally a good thing in my book.

Ardyn:   THIS FUCKER......

NEW resident of Ardyn Hell.

Just got passed the first wall of tentacles and goop and I’m like okay. . .what am I doing here?

THAT SMUG SMILE.

THAT VOICE.

THAT HAIR.

And aggressive fucking, tentacles and mind play smuts that I’ve been graced with that hits on my deeper kinks made me a prime target. I resisted for quite a while.

Then well I fell into it fully and I’m accepting it as my alternate vacation home. All thanks to @diabolik-trash-heap @valkyrieofardyn and @poisonous-panda

I really enjoy Ravus x Ardyn stuff it is a good toxic pairing for me. I will always keep up with insulting Ardyn and calling him Trash Man and such in hopes that he will have angry sex with me.

Sure those tentacles could do some domestic tasks too! Imagine Ardyn multi tasking with them making you breakfast? Pretty sexy.

Aranea: I’m moving around there like a cat that doesn’t know what side of the door she wants to be on.

MY DRAGOON WIFEY!

She floated on my screen (and my heart) like freaking Mary Poppins. Totally was like, damn, who the fuck is this lady? That hair, voice, eyes, slaying body can we have her on our team?!

PLEASE STEP ON ME.

*high heeled boots stepping on my ass*

Then let me step on you and we can fight back and forth on who is dominant in this situation.

I love her and all her quirks and morals. It makes my day to see her be badass on screen. I want a Episode Aranea bad. Let me learn more about her history!!

Older!Noctis: Hand is on the door, going hmmm, should I?

Regular Edge Lord Noctis appeals to me as much as Cloud Strife, so it’s like yup you’re sexy and all but *wishy washy whiny noises*.

THEN THE CRYSTAL SHIT.

*FLATLINES*

I was like oh hello Noctis, what are you doing later after you take a shower, eat and brush those teeth?

Because call a girl up why don’t you?

He looks a lot more like his dad, the wispy beard going on that hair all long and he is like “I’M READY FOR THIS SHIT!”

FINALLY! *ticker tape parade for Noctis right to my pussy heart*

It’s a hell that I flirt with a lot and when I come across a good King!Noctis fic I’m like . . .there is the door and I have he key. (It’s in the shape of the Royal Boner) But I go “really? Jin should you do this?”

So it’s like I’m almost there. I’m pretty sure @hypaalicious or @cupnoodle-queen or @louisvuittontrashbags will be coming out with some King Noctis smut that will just sell me totally, lock stock and barrel on the Older Noctis stuff. Or @blindbae to write some epic angsty stuff with Older Noctis that sits on my ass, and shake my head in shock. And officially join the 7th layer of my FF15 Hell.

Tagging: @themissimmortal @stephicness @stunninglyignis @blindbae @rubyphilomela @neko-otaku13 @zacklover24 @hypaalicious @louisvuittontrashbags @diabolik-trash-heap @diadyn @mandakatt @mistressoli @sheylann @xnoctits @insomniascure @insomniacapples @fieryfantasy @roses-and-oceans @valkyrieofardyn @highwinds-dragoon @blondechocobobutt @waifuthewhite

[shadowspice119]

Devil Lovin’ 2

(Finally! I finished the second and final part!)

(This one is Vergil centric. Much longer than the first part since I got carried away.)

(Loving smut ahead! Very brief angst.)

The first thing Vergil noticed the next morning was Erelah finally coming downstairs, fully showered and clothed. Ah, at least the Devil May Cry building was quiet now.

When she saw him on the couch reading she quickly ducked her head as she hurried to the kitchen. She was red in the face and nervous, looking like he had caught her doing something bad. Hmm, curious.

A few minutes later Dante headed down, clean and dressed as well, with a satisfied look upon his face. He was grinning like he had gotten away with the perfect crime. He heavily sat next to Vergil with a content purring sigh.

Vergil did his best to ignore his brother, but that's a feat hard to do.

"Man! I feel rejuvenated! I don't remember a time I've slept so good!" Dante exclaimed while stretching his arms above his head.

"With you being so loud I figure the neighborhood hasn't slept at all."

"Ah, there he is! Hey, did you sleep on the couch?"

"I had no choice in the matter because you ruined the bed."

Dante grinned, "Don't tell me your jealous, Verge."

"Why would I be jealous?"

"Well, considering the night I had with our girl a few hours ago. I'd say you are."

Vergil scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous, little brother."

The red clad demon hunter chuckled as he stood up, "I know you are. I could smell you when you saw her in that position."

The other threw him a piercing glare.

Dante just chuckled again, unaffected by the harsh look, "You know I'm right," Dante then grew serious, keeping his voice low so only Vergil could hear him, "I saw that look in your eyes. That look where you wanted her to give you what she gave me."

Vergil growled in warning, "Dante."

Dante went back to his carefree attitude, smiling back at him, "Trust me, it's worth it."

He watched as Dante walked away, whistling like he hadn't a care in the world.

Vergil found himself thinking back to that moment, completely forgetting about his book.

When he had gotten back from a job he taken up hours prior he heard Dante's loud demonic growls and purrs. At first Vergil had simply thought his brother was giving Erelah a passionate time, but all the loudness had Vergil worried for Erelah. What was causing his brother to sound like a wild animal? This doesn't help his worry as he heard Erelah shout.

Vergil stealthily and hurriedly went up the stairs in panic. Was Dante hurting her? No, that was a foolish thought, his brother couldn't possibly harm their beloved.

As he opened the door Vergil found himself frozen. Not expecting what he was seeing. Dante was on his hands and knees in his demon form while Erelah was...

He quickly shut the door soundlessly behind him and teleported back down the stairs. His heart racing with something that he couldn't place.

Vergil had been stuck in his own thoughts ever since he had seen Erelah with his brother that night. He had witnessed something that made the demon in him ache. Would she give him that same pleasure? Would she show him the same fierce love he'd seen her giving Dante when he saw them in that moment?

After debating with himself for hours he finally decided what he wanted.

Later that day as it started turning dusk out. Erelah was about to leave to go shopping for groceries, because their food stock was running low, and it kept Dante from eating sundaes and pizza all the time. Speaking of Dante, he was off on a job and wouldn't be back until late in the night.

Erelah had come to a quick halt though because Vergil had suddenly appeared right in front of her.

"You're avoiding me."

The half-angel sucked in a nervous breath, "I, uh..."

"It's because of yesterday."

"Well..."

"Why are you so nervous around me? This in unusual for you."

"Vergil," She let out a shaky breath, "I'm just worried that... you'll look at me differently now."

"And why would I do that?"

Erelah quickly looked up at him, her brows furrowing, "Your not... weirded out?"

"No. Though I was caught off guard. Seeing you like that with Dante... hmm."

"Yeah... Sorry you had to see him like that."

Silence fell between them for a few moments until Vergil spoke up. What he said next almost made her legs give out. He whispered it with such softness, with faint embarrassment in his voice, "I would like to try that with you."

She looked at him in shock, clearly not expecting this to come from him. Vergil was a man who didn't like to be put in a situation that left him vulnerable, so hearing it from him, him asking her to have him in the most intimate and trusting way made her love him something fierce.

"Alright," She said breathlessly, "Whenever you're ready for me, darling."

Vergil took her hand gently in his and placed a tender kiss on her knuckles. He led her upstairs soon after.

...The groceries could wait.

Erelah found herself pressed flat on the bed after a few deep kisses from Vergil.

The bed had been striped of the sheets and blankets earlier that morning and replaced with clean ones, so they didn't have to worry about any mess from the night before.

Her blue clad half-devil was kissing her so sensually and softly, making her hum into his mouth.

She loved how opposite the brothers where. Dante was fast and passionate whereas Vergil was soft and sensual. A wonderful contrast to her.

Their clothes were slowly taken off one another. Both lovers enjoying the taste and feel of the other.

Erelah was peppering kisses on his shoulder before Vergil suddenly pulled away. The woman looked up in concern, thinking he changed his mind.

The worry vanished as he asked where the strap was. She sat up and planted a chaste kiss to his cheek before leaning over the side of the bed and pulled out a black leathered strap-on and lube from the leather box they resided in.

Vergil's brows furrowed, "Where is the rest of it?"

"I'll show you how I get it to appear." She said as she strapped it around her waist.

Vergil watched as she closed her golden brown eyes and took a deep breath. He looked in amazement as a golden glow appeared on the front of the strap-on.

The member formed the same way it had the night prior. The golden shaft stood in attention, ready to go.

"This is your power, your energy."

Erelah nodded, "Nico helped design it."

"Interesting."

"I wanted to give more of myself to you and Dante, but I was nervous about how you two would react... what you would think."

"Hmm... I think it's perfect. It is you after all."

Vergil kissed her as he slowly lowered her to lay down on the bed again. He asked if it was alright in this position. Her answer made his heart melt with affection.

"Do what is comfortable for you, my darling."

The half-demon brought his leg over to straddle her hips. He kissed her again as one of his hands opened the lube bottle and put a generous amount of lube in his palm. As his lube covered hand stroked her self-made cock he could feel her essence. It was warm and comforting. Just like her.

Vergil lined himself up with her golden shaft and pressed down onto it, hissing a relieved sigh at feeling her inside him.

"Don't hurt yourself!"

He looked at the woman below him, a warm half-smile appeared on his face. He chuckled fondly at her concern for him. "It doesn't hurt, my love. You just feel divine."

Erelah sighed as she rested her hand flat above his now fully erect shaft and caressed up over his abdomen and to his chest. Watching her handsome man as he closed his eyes and let out a content sigh at her tender caress. She could feel his purr start up in his chest.

Vergil bent forward to kiss her deeply as he started rocking his hips. His beloved's hands came up to stroke along his back, down his arms, over his thighs, anywhere she could reach.

The half-devil was quickly starting to pant. Her essence stroking his insides felt so pleasurable yet soothing all at the same time. He nuzzled against her temple and let out an involuntary whimper as a certain spot was brushed by that perfect shaft.

He rose back up to touch along her abdomen as he ground down on her. Male demon instincts swirling around in his mind as he thought of her carrying his and his brother's children one day, to give Nero siblings. Her belly would swell with their shared life, made of their love. Erelah would look even more stunning and beautiful, like a goddess.

But then he found himself thinking. Why? Why would she want to have children with him? Why does she look upon him in the same loving way as she does with Dante? Why was she giving him happiness when he didn't deserve it? Why, why, WHY?

These dark thoughts were quickly clouding his mind. He had caused too much suffering, too much heartache, and too much death. Vergil couldn't focus, he was slowly breaking down.

He didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve love, he didn't deserve happiness, he didn't-

"Vergil." The loving whisper of his name broke him from his dark, depressed thoughts.

Vergil looked down at his beloved, his rocking had long since come to a halt. He felt a wet trail sliding down his cheek. Shuddering breaths filled the room.

"My darling, don't cry." She looked up at him with the most loving expression. "Of course you deserve love and happiness." She had heard him mumbling these things unconsciously.

The half-demon closed his eyes, leaning into her delicate hand and nuzzled it. "My love, I-"

"Shh," she softly shushed him as she heard the quakes in his voice, "It's ok. I'm here. Your safe with me, Vergil."

Vergil let out a shaking breath at the mention of him being safe, protected. He did feel protected and loved by her. She was powerful, just like him and his brother. More delicate than them but still so strong. Erelah had saved their lives before, and had even fought to protect them countless times. Her selflessness and gentle nature are some of the qualities about Erelah that drew him to her. He loved her so much.

"Thank you, Erelah."

She smiled and wiped away the stray tear on his face, "Always." Erelah then gently pulled him down to her. They shared a slow kiss. A promise. "Lean up on your knees for me, please?"

Vergil repositioned his knees, making his hips hover slightly over hers.

A soft whimpering moan escaped him as Erelah thrust up into him.

"Shhh, I got you. Enjoy yourself, Vergil." Panting filled the room again as Vergil took what she was graciously giving him.

The half-devil leaned back up, his head tilting back in bliss, hair askew. He finally let go of that worry, of that fear he had inside him. He could now enjoy her fully. His demon instincts were coming back to the surface.

Purrs erupted from him. Vergil's purrs were high pitched and smooth, the sound so beautiful to hear with her own ears. Finally, for the first time since they were together she could hear his purr and not just feel it. And she loved it.

"Please, my love."

"Go ahead. Let go, my darling."

Vergil finally let himself devil trigger. His wings opened wide to his mate, displaying himself to her, letting her drink in his demon form that she rarely got to see.

His devil trigger looked similar to Dante's but there were some noticeable differences. His leathery skin was black and blue with silver accents adorning his shoulders and wrists. His sturdy horns on his head looking regal and shined silver. Blue stripes ran up Vergil's powerful legs to his chest, which glowed a soft blue, the same with his eyes. And that cock, it pointed upwards in heavy arousal after coming out of its sheath.

"So beautiful, my darling." She praised as her hand brushed over his glowing chest.

Vergil shuddered and moaned as he felt a buildup in his lower abdomen. Erelah noticed this and thrusted up faster into him.

The half-devil tensed for a moment, then everything became intense. Vergil was cumming at an alarming rate. Cum constantly came out of his aching demon member. It wasn't stopping! His body was on overdrive as his hips thrust down onto that heavenly shaft over and over again.

"F-FUCK! My love, I can't stop!”

Even though Erelah was physically tired she kept meeting his thrusts with hers. She wanted to give him the most pleasurable experience of his life.

Vergil lost himself in his pleasure, his demon instincts taking him over completely, and let out a purring moan, "Ah! My mate... my angel. Don't stop!" Vergil tilted his head back and smiled a sharp-toothed smile, chuckling as he was drunk on ecstasy. He didn't even care if Dante burst through the bedroom door and saw him like this. He wouldn't let anything distract him from his beloved mate.

“Love and harmony combine, and round our souls entwine."

Erelah gasped, her self-made cock releasing into her lover, causing him to shout in ecstasy, his constant orgasm becoming more intense before finally coming to a stop.

Both lovers panted as Vergil's devil trigger dispersed, his hair a mess, looking ravished and blissful.

Vergil caught himself before falling onto Erelah and weightlessly moved to lay next to her. He let out a gasp as the golden shaft slipped out of him. It disappeared soon after.

They took some time to catch their breaths as they came down from their intense lovemaking.

Vergil leaned his head forward to nuzzle her face, letting out a content purr.

Erelah happily sighed, "My favorite quote."

"Hmm?"

Erelah met his eyes with fondness, "You quoted my favorite line."

A beautiful smile formed on Vergil's face, "Only the best for you."

She smiled and pressed her forehead against his, "I love you, Vergil."

"And I you, my beloved."

They were both startled out of the loving moment by a shout from downstairs, "HEY! Did you two have to do it tonight?! AW, MAN! Now I gotta sleep down here! I am definitely not sleeping in my brother’s mess!"

Vergil let out a laugh and Erelah joined him.

Yeah... life was good.