#crowley likes showing off

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 9!!

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*****************

You pound your way to the nearest bar, where everyone had agreed to meet. The three of them are standing around, talking over glasses of wine. Your hands are in fists, your nails digging into your palms as you approach. They acknowledge you as you enter their field of vision, but you say nothing. Instead, you beeline for Aziraphale, put your arms around him, and hang on for dear life. Sometimes you just need to hug an angel.

There’s a pause where Anathema says something about your aura, and then Aziraphale hugs you back.

Dear Reader, I’m not sure if it ever happened in your life, but for this Puffin there came a time when it was made very clear that wanting to be held or wanting to lean on another person in public was unacceptable (and, in fact, embarrassing) once you reached a certain age. And yet, we as humans are social creatures. The need to be held is a very normal response, especially after something particularly upsetting happens (like having the sanctity of washroom privacy violated, for example). Perhaps you’re not the kind of person who, out of nowhere, feels the desire to be held, but perhaps you know someone who is. And so, I would like to impress upon you the incredible difference it makes, the immeasurable relief it brings, to know that you have someone with you who will hold you back without question or comment. Just hold you, and wait.

Aziraphale makes it clear he intends to do just that.

“Take your time, dear,” he says gently. And so you do.

After a moment, the clink of a glass next to you makes you look up. Someone has given you a glass of the same wine everyone else has. You pull away and take a sip, feeling much calmer and very grateful.

“Thanks,” You say.

“Anytime,” Aziraphale replies.

“What happened?” Anathema asks.

Thus, you recount how Metatron trapped you in the washroom until he had said his peace. By the time you finish, there are three very angry faces around you. You feel validated enough to take another, much larger, sip of the wine. Aziraphale is the first to speak.

“Well for starters, I invite you to stay in my bookshop however long you like. Pet indeed! You are a help, yes, but you are a guest, and certainly not disposable, whatever he says.”

“And,” Crowley adds, “From what you said, Aziraphale and I can get you home whenever you want anyway. Probably, I mean. No dUbIOus motives involved, at least.”

Anathema seems to be thinking. After another few seconds, she asks:

“Why did you take the coffee?”

You all look at her, surprised.

“Well I mean,” she continues, “If the Metatron wants to know, he probably has a reason. If you tell us, maybe we can figure it out for ourselves and find a way around it.”

“Or they could just not tell him,” Crowley suggests with snark. “Then it doesn’t matter.”

“I mean, it might,” Anathema counters, “We don’t know that it doesn’t.”

“I took it because of the Coffee Theory,” You say with a shrug. It’s not like it’s a big deal. “But I mean, I don’t know why that would matter to him.”

“Well,” Anathema says, “That might depend on what the Coffee Theory is.”

“Well, it’s the idea that the Metatron did something to that coffee he was going to give Aziraphale. To, like, make Aziraphale trust him, or listen to him or whatever, so that he would go back to Heaven.” You pause. “There’s also an interpretation of it where it was a metaphor like ‘take my offer or face death.’ But most people think about the first one, and that’s the one that was in my brain when I did it. There aren’t a lot of people who actually believe it. I mean, not anymore, anyway.”

“So you think the Metatron drugged Aziraphale’s coffee?” Anathema raises an eyebrow. “And you drank it, yes? So...did he?”

“No,” You reply, “It was exactly what it was supposed to be. An oat milk latte with almond syrup. And I didn’t think he actually messed with it. I just wasn’t willing to take the chance, that’s all.”

Crowley’s face scrunches. “And you think he might need to know that for some reason?” He looks pointedly at Anathema.

“He might,” She gives a thoughtful hum. “I’ll think about it. I might ask the Cards later.”

-----------

The wait for boarding didn’t feel so long after that. As you board, you notice how spacious First Class is. Aziraphale and Crowley sit in the seats ahead of you and Anathema, with Aziraphale in the window seat. You notice Crowley casually trying to stick his legs out into the aisle and wonder vaguely whether it’s because he needs the space, or to try and trip the flight attendants. Both? Probably both. Okay, definitely both, you note, as a stewardess almost falls face-first into the aisle. Aziraphale gently swats at Crowley in reprimand, but you can tell it’s half-hearted and wholly-fond.

Your only trouble comes when you need to use the washroom, but Anathema, ever clever and aura-observant, suggests to go with you so that you can knock if anything goes wrong. Thankfully, nothing does, and you both return to your seats.

“You know,” Anathema says, leaning forward, “I just overheard the strangest thing. It seems that all of the normal airline food on this plane has gone missing. All that they have to serve is the first-class food.”

“Wait,” You say, holding back a laugh, “So everyone on this flight gets to eat the fancy, chef-prepared, gourmet meals?”

Crowley doesn’t hold back his laugh. “Oh, the big bosses won’t like that!”

“You two wouldn’t have had anything to do with that, would you?” Anathema asks suspiciously. You notice she’s smiling while she says it.

“Psh!” Crowley waves away the thought. “Why would I? Doesn’t matter to me either way.”

“Honestly, Miss Device,” Aziraphale adds, “I have no idea why you immediately accuse us of something that seems so clearly to be a mere...clerical error.”

Ah-ha! Culprit found. Clerical error your arse.

“You know,” You sigh, “It really is no wonder why Crowley loves you so much.”

“Ngk,” says Crowley. Aziraphale responds with a pleased-sounding hum. You relax, and notice between the seats that Aziraphale places his hand on top of Crowley’s and leaves it there.

They like holding hands – your insides scream.

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When you disembark from the plane, you hear all the other passengers around you complimenting the flight attendants on the excellent food and promising to leave excellent reviews online. You keep your laughter as quiet as you can. Aziraphale’s little prank is going to cause the airline issues for YEARS. Crowley must be so proud.

The speed and ease with which you clear customs and baggage claim is probably because you’re traveling with two supernatural entities. In no time at all, you’re outside of the airport flagging down a cab. Crowley opens the door with enthusiasm and outright glee.

“After you, Angel,” he says, “You think 90 miles an hour in London is bad, I can’t wait for you to see this!”

Dear Reader, I don’t know if you have ever been to New York City, but I assure you that Crowley’s driving has nothing on the NYC cabbies. Aziraphale spends the entire drive trying to hold on to something and taking deep breaths as the cab violently jerks to a stop millimeters from the car in front. You suggest he close his eyes. He does. It doesn’t seem to help.

-------

The taxi lets you out in front of The Ritz. Because of course you’re staying at The Ritz. Aziraphale goes to check in while Crowley tells Anathema he needs the washroom, and mutters to you that he wants to empty all the soap dispensers. You try so hard to hold in your laughter that it comes out your nose anyway. The demon flashes you a cheeky grin before disappearing around the corner. Anathema looks at you.

“Probably been a while since he had a fresh audience,” You say to her. She chuckles.

“And you’re so obliging too. No doubt he’s having a great time with all this.”

“Hey, Anathema,” You begin uncertainly, “How...I mean...I’m just worried about...things. How are we going to find Jesus anyway? I just...I don’t really have anymore information to give. I don’t even know if he’s going to be a baby or an adult this time.”

“Hm...” Anathema thinks for a minute, “Well, I’m going to try and get some readings, see if I can get some kind of direction for us to go in. It’s a big country, but what I’m hoping is that it will sort of work like dowsing.”

“Dowsing? Like looking for water with sticks?”

“Sort of. In a nutshell, you pay attention to the vibrations in the Earth, and the closer you get, the stronger the vibrations become. It makes sense to think that Jesus would make pretty noticeable vibrations. That’s my working hypothesis anyway.”

You nod. That will do for now. Aziraphale and Crowley both return, with the demon wiping his hands on his trousers, and the four of you take the elevator to your room.

The Royal Suite.

“Are...you….serious??” Anathema asks. Honestly, you’re too stunned looking around the enormous suite with four bedrooms to say anything. It’s bigger than most houses. You take out your phone and start taking pictures.

“Well, if we’re going to stay at The Ritz,” Aziraphale says cheerfully, pronouncing the capital letters, “Best to do it Properly.”

“But this is ridiculous!”

Aziraphale isn’t paying attention anymore. He’s gone to tell Crowley not to draw mustaches on the expensive artwork.

“Unlimited resources,” You say to her, “Make for expensive taste.”

“No, kidding,” she sighs, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m gonna need some help with these two.”

Ha, You think to yourself, I knew it.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

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^ If you want to see JUST how ridiculous the royal suite is.

[reanimatedguts]

listen, we were all thinking it.

[nikki-rook]

My theory is that Crowley doesn't feel anything out of the ordinary because he is very used to this exact feeling whenever he is near Aziraphale

[sherokutakari]

CROWLEY'S WINGS GET SO FLUFFY WHEN HE'S ANGRY ABOUT THE ALMIGHTY'S PLANS??

They start out so smooth and nice, just like Aziraphale's

But then??? They're going to shut down his star factories before they even really get started? ThAt'S iDioCy!!!

HE LITERALLY GETS HIS FEATHERS RUFFLED I'M--

[s0fter-sin]

i have no stake in this whatsoever since i’ve never even watched good omens and absolutely 100% unequivocally think it’s a good thing that an abuser is seeing the consequences of his actions but i don’t really see the point in shortening the 3rd season? rewriting it so he doesn’t get money from it? yes absolutely, but if that’s the reason, why not delay the season and do a full six episode rewrite? or just cancel it altogether instead of an inevitable disappointing finale. he’ll still be receiving royalties from the first two seasons and whatever ideas they use for the episode plus whatever he’s already contracted to receive so making a short season feels like it’ll impact the cast and crew more than him; they won’t be paid for a full season of work that they were expecting to have in an increasingly unstable industry

[tonydaddingham]

Underappreciated S2 scene: "Going Up."

[adreamoverlife]

nah because wheres the au where after Crowley dies and Rowena gets monologued at not to bring him back Amara walks into hell one day with Crowley in tow complaining about how mean her brother's being and it's just Rowena on the throne staring at them like

[procrastiel]

can we take just a sec to talk about how weird Nina & Maggie are

they literally saw Aziraphale take off his fucking halo and throw it at some horribly deformed kidnappers (which made them explode and disappear) and the next morning they decide to give his goth lover a talking to and call him "Mister Fell"

what does it take for you to understand that he is not human

reminds me of that moment in s1 where Crowley drives up to a man in his burning car to ask for directions and the man just pretends it's not real or a practical joke, like ??? are we humans really that daft

[acrylicthegod]

My friend is already finishing up season 1 of Good Omens :D

[jupiterslifelessmoons]

I like how series 2 of good omens feels almost more like a spin-off than a second season

Like it didn’t feel like a continuation of series 1 but more like let’s see what these two characters are doing now

[wigglebox]

i stg if this prequel confirms that dean is in fact not in heave and is in the empty or some other kind of limbo space i’m going to scream bc it’s probably the only time in my entire life that manifesting something for years will pay off for me and the others who speculated since the finale aired that he was not in heaven at all and the story wasn’t over. 

[nashdoesstuff]

just witnessed the gayest pirates at sea and i’m crying /hj

[youareinacomawakeup]

I don’t care what you fuckers say. Good Omens 2 was the best thing I’ve seen in years and there needs to be a season 3.

[casuallychat]

So I didn't get to see S2 until today and I'd previously seen half a spoiler that Aziraphael died?! And then I hit block on all spoilers and went about my day. But then I sat down today to binge the entire season clutching my pearls the entire time, thinking of how Aziraphael would meet his end. And then the season (and what a lovely season it was) was all about how much Crowley loves his angel and I was fully expecting the ending to rip my heart out if Aziraphael died. But the ending?? The actual ending?? How about you feed me poison, it'd be less painful? Wow, give us everything and then give us NOTHING? IT TOOK ME 30 MINUTES TO GET THROUGH A 5 MINUTE SCENE BECAUSE I KEPT STOPPING IT. MY HANDS WERE SHAKING! I TEARED UP! AZIRAPHAEL, BABY, NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

That is to say, the season was amazing, I'm planning a full rewatch of both seasons and a reread, and I plan to consume an unholy amount of fanfic for this. Neil Gaiman is a king, I won't accept criticism.

[beastsovrevelation]

Someone should show Crowley this song

I think he'd say "it's sure not about Hastur".

You know, because someone who looks like a crackhead, doesn't shower, and wears a toad on his head (with a wig on top of the toad) will hardly woo a lady.

[transfagholmes]

Is it too late to talk angel gender? I just logged on 😭

Anyways, I hc Aziraphale as agender, Crowley as genderfluid…honestly I think the only celestial being that comes close to identifying as plain male or female is Gabriel

YES it is alway the time to talk about angel gender (ignore that i also took ages to reply please. don't mind the rambling)

i don't see the two that way but that's cool! i like when there's variety in hcs

i'd be interested to see if they'd try to pull off crowley fem moments in s3 bc of that popular reading of him. that time while (show&book) crowley was a nanny felt more like "getting into drag for work" to me than anything else (not to mention it Did Not Work on screen adaptation bc of the transphobic undertones but. i digress), but i understand a lot of people read him as genderfluid bc of that. also there were apparently ideas for fem aziraphale too and my view on that is i think he deserves to do drag. if he wants.

aziraphale's gender is 'gay man'. that doesn't necessarily contradict other hcs, just whatever else he is, he's a gay man about it. as they say, whatever happens, at least the gay angel is gay. i DO think he has gender abt it but i get it

what interests me most abt angel gender is that having a gender at all IS transgender of them. that being said i still feel that gabriel is cis about it lol