#cripplingly bisexual

[itsurmove]

●◇●◇Introduction! ○◆○◆

-ken/kenzie, 18, he/him, blk

- probably undiagnosed autistic

-httyd/jttw superfan + dragons as a whole, yugioh (obv)

-jid, faye webster, tyler tc, the pillows, kagamine len

-(breakcore, indie pop?, whatever ! Open to reccs)

-mostly using this to read fics and maybe someday write (if it ever escapes my notes app)

Byf : I easily misunderstand things n might need you to reword it, pls be patient w me n my idiocy

Please don't use they/them on me if you forget my prns! It makes me uncomfortable. I understand if it's a failsafe, but i might just block you if its too much

Dni : <16y/o, Proship, L--i/Sh--acon, yk the deal,

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Feel free to hold onto this until she's posted, but GOD Vriska is the most homestuck character of all time. She's an abused, disabled teen girl. She's viciously ablist and abusive. She cosplays as tinkerbell and LARPS as her great great grandmother. She's obnoxiously arrogant and has cripplingly low self-esteem. She uses mind-control powers to cheat at RPGs. She uses a magic 8-ball to talk to aliens. Most of her friends can't stand her. The author is in love with her. Her ghost had a punk phase and fell in love before being erased from existence. She's bisexual. Her best friend killed her. She's desperately lonely. She killed and/or maimed 1/4 of her friend group. She became a serial killer to feed the giant spider who raised her. She's a manipulative asshole to everyone who cares about her. She's absolutely pathetic. She's a badass.

She's the embodiment of gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.

She will be pretty much the last character to be posted in round one so this would be sitting around for a while if I did that, so I am setting your vriskask free now

We’re not even getting to the G’s with one submission until next week I think

[gviral]

william and annette were never your average couple. 

they met in the spring of 1983, just a couple of years after the hunter project initially took off and william was well on his way to becoming one of umbrella's greatest assets. though he didn't think much of annette at first, it was her personality that initially drew him in; a very assertive, straightforward, no-nonsense kind of woman that didn't put up with anyone's mistakes. and of course, she was also strikingly beautiful- something he hadn't quite noticed until he really stopped to take a second glance. 

although he was technically her superior at this point in time, this hardly stopped william from trying to initiate conversation. his infatuation with annette allowed him to begin discovering facets of his personality / sexuality that he hadn't previously been provided with an opportunity to explore, given that he spent most of his time in complete isolation barring albert. william also spent a great deal of time in late puberty grappling with his perceived homosexuality, as he developed a "crush" on albert, born out of the prolonged periods of time they spent in close proximity to each other throughout the duration of william's developmental years. albert was also, very importantly, william's first and only friend at the time. fascination and curiosity gradually progressed into more elaborate sexual fantasies that initially disgusted william- not because he looks down on homosexuality, but because of the current social stigma surrounding it. being a gay man in the 80's was bad enough, but being a gay man at umbrella in the 80's? william did his best to suppress these desires and refused to confront his attraction to men for a very, very long time in an attempt to preserve his "normalcy." 

this, of course, did not stop others from speculating about his sexuality. william is a cis man, and as such he was always taught to live up to certain expectations that of which he never particularly cared to fill out. there are a great deal of aspects about his personality and physical appearance that others, especially other men who worked with him, would deem as "feminine" or not traditionally masculine. this led to workplace rumors about william possibly being gay or a "transvestite." he was not oblivious to this (important to note: even after he was married, these rumors continued though not to any debilitating degree). 

annette presented william with an opportunity he had been searching for for quite some time: be normal. of course, growing up sheltered in the 70's meant he didn't know jack shit about things like bisexuality, so william was more than happy to accept his attraction to annette as more "real" and "genuine" than his attraction to albert because this meant, to him, that he was heterosexual and thus "normal" in the eyes of everyone else. it was also exciting to him in the sense that for a very long time, william had simply resigned himself to the idea that a relationship was just never in the cards for him. he accepted at a young age that for the rest of his life, it would most likely just be him & his research with nothing else between them, but annette changed all of that. she would give him everything he never once imagined he'd actually achieve in life: love, family, and happiness (much as he'd like to pretend he was content to dedicate his life to his work, william's always been cripplingly lonely- but more on that later). the two of them struck up a casual workplace relationship. they gradually got to know each other better over the course of time, with william requesting that annette be assigned to him permanently so that they could continue seeing one another in private. the relationship brought out a great deal of william's personality that had remained hidden beneath the surface until now; a gentle, almost kind facet to his personality... if not horribly awkward. though he and annette were never allotted much time to do things like travel together or even spend all that much time with one another outside of work, it was the closest thing he'd ever felt to real love. it introduced a whole different side of him that he wasn't previously aware even existed. 

william proposed in 1984, only a year after he and annette became official. they were married by 1985, a shocking development for some considering the william birkin they had all come to familiarize themselves with. 

much as they did enjoy one another's company, annette and william's relationship was not given nearly enough time to properly develop. they married, bought a house, and it left them with an overwhelming sense of: "now what?" they'd return to their lives as normal, continuing on with their research without hardly getting any time to themselves. then came the topic of children: something they hadn't previously considered until it was brought up to them by others at their workplace. so when are you two going to have a little one running around? thinking about kids yet, will? it was the next logical step in their relationship, wasn't it? they had hoped, maybe, that having a child together might offer them some form of fulfillment outside of work. sherry birkin was welcomed into the world in 1986, named after a song william had grown fond of in his youth; "sherry" by frankie valli and the four seasons. they loved her. but, as is always the case, william chose to return to his work once more. he found that he couldn't stand to be away from it. it was like an itch, an incessant needling at the back of his mind almost like withdrawal. leaving felt wrong- like he was doing something he shouldn't, something punishable, feelings that were partially exacerbated by untreated mental conditions such as ocd and psychosis. 

the truth is, william was never fit to be a father. a husband, maybe- if he and annette were ever allowed an opportunity to truly blossom. but without proper guidance he fails to provide what is necessary for a child in the sense of being present and emotionally available. he is not unlike a child himself at times, as is evident by a great deal of his behavior and lack of emotional maturity and social development. loving sherry did not change the fact that he was a terrible father. it did not change the fact that ultimately, it was his research he "loved" more than her, and annette was left behind to try and pick up the pieces.

[scaredgirlsilly]

Show us the Homestuck! 👀

ok so i just wrote everything under the cut and its. Alot Of Words HDKAJFKSVJFKD its literally an entire story outline of the entire fan session. i would feel bad but 1. you asked for it 2. you are on anon so no ones even gonna get a notification for this and 3. its my blog and i get to be autistic about my own stories ::P

merp (and anyone else currently reading homestuck really) stop reading here until youve finished homestuck. i dont even know if it spoils anything for you merp but just in case

first things first there are some foundational beliefs and opinions that make my fan session what it is and i feel like i need to say them

the game is an analogy (or allegory or metaphor i never know what is the correct one) for real life. everyone tells you that there is a correct way to go through life but then everything goes to shit and youre off that path before you even had a chance to start. this works with homestuck insanely well and one of the main reasons i connect with it

there is no ideal sburb session. not only have we not seen one and i dont even know if there are any sburb games besides the ones we see and the dancester trolls, but if there actually is an ideal sburb session, it kinda goes in the face of it being an alagory for life and how it never goes how you expect it to go

i will add a bunch of stuff outside of what we see in homestuck and some of it may contradict what is stated in homestuck, especially when it comes to the rules of sburb. i dont think the exact rules of sburb matter as much as what sburb as a concept really is, which is a nigh-omnipotent and omnipresent force that makes kids go through trauma to give them a "character" arc. it is a story generator so that the next universe can have heroes, while weeding out those too weak to even get to the part where they make a new universe. this is fucked up and bad and kinda evil and i really wish homestuck focused more on how fucking crazy evil sburb was but it got caught up in a bunch of other shit so thats why i made this

also this is gonna be so fuckin long even if i try to summarize it as much as possible cause its pretty much the entire story of the fan session, but you are on anon so i dont care that im infodumping right now cause no ones gonna read this far

anyways. ONTO THE ACTUAL FANSESSION

it starts put in 2015, after a mysterious delay of the sburb launch back in 2009. after so long, it is finally coming out!!

we follow 6 kids, all around the age of 19 (they would have been 13 if sburb came out when it was originally supposed to back in 2009)

Anna (she/her), a no nonsense, kinda autistic tabletop wargamer. Think the vibes of kanaya but the convictions of vriska. if she believes she knows whats best, only god can stop her from doing it. very egalitarian, very "ends justify the means" but she isnt like. also kinda intense but she knows that so she knows to tone it down when the moment calls for it

Noah (he/they), an excitable and cripplingly bisexual graffiti artist, his friends mean the world to him and he would do anything for them. a bit of anarchist leanings, but he hasnt really delved into theory much cause hes got other stuff to worry about. extremely outgoing and could probably talk to anyone. Anna and Noah have been kinda flirty/close for a while now and it kinda makes the others sick

Drew (he/him), an adorable farm hand who looks up to those western lone wolf hero types in movies and tries to emulate that, but is too much of a pure soul to ever be mean, so he just kinda acts weird sometimes. Wears a lil cowboy hat and vest and talks and types in a weird southern accent. no one knows if its fake or not

Kate (she/they), a bubbly gymnist who loves talking a bit too much. shes really only doing all this cause her friends are begging her to (and something about the end of the world?? she doesnt really know milo can say some wild stuff sometimes :P )

speaking of, Milo (they/them), an audiophile who has stopped talking as much, kinda ever since the original beta got delayed. everyone else worries about them but they insist they are fine whenever pressed. has been begging everyone to get the game since it was announced, which has been the most hes talked in the group in a long while

and finally, Skye (she/her), a quiet girl who likes nature. usually lurks, but will join the group calls just to be quiet during them. also not as enthused about the game as the others but hey, its better than anything shes got goin on.

gonna try to speed up with the rest of this but you need to know about them cause its like mainly character driven

first act is them getting all the stuff ready, connecting to each other, normal act 1 highjinks. the main thing is when it gets to milo (who actually is last in the order to get revealed idk why i didnt right it like that. the order is anna, noah, kate, drew, skye, milo) where it shows milo in his house, before it fades away and reveals they are in a dream bubble wearing an heir of doom godhood. they are also 13, where everyone else is 19.

the first act culminates in a flash (no clue if i could actually do it but in my head its a dope ass flash set to Planet Telex by Radiohead) where everyone enteres the game at the same time. Milo, being in a dreambubble, asks kate to set up a second computer for them so they can actually play. She does, and milo jumps on the meteor heading for Kates house before it hits the portal, and when it ends up above kates house, they fly down, watch kate enter the game, and really quickly set up their connections, finish the loop, and enter the game just in time. the flash ends with shots of their lands which i have not figured out jdkskfhahf

act 2 is just sburb hijinks. they hang out, grow closer, talk alot cause yk its homestuck jfkshdk. the main developments are noah and anna growing even closer with a cute lil sparring match before ending by planning a date, skye and kate growing closer and skye getting a bit of a crush, and drew and milo grow closer (but not romantically cause milos 13) because milo is a fuckin ghost and has been isolating themself from the group and drew has taken note and pretty much been like "whatever your goin through, ill be there for you"

there are other scenes i just havent written them/thought them out yet

this all takes place over like a few weeks btw

then its one of the kids' birthdays!! they are all together for the first time in a little bit, and one of them (probably anna) asks what the deal with milo is. after some hesitation he tells them this

milo is from an alternate timeline where they all entered the game in 2009 and everyone died. turns out it was a doomed session. before milo dies, being the last kid alive, they go to talk to their denizen. the denizen tells them that they were not supposed to play the game. the main heroes of earth (i forgot what they were called i know they were called something like the alpha kids were the nobles but i forgot what the beta kids were called anyways its the beta kids) were supposed to be the only ones to play, and because so many people are playing the game, its messing with skaia and causing a ton of glitches to happen in the beta kids' game. but, like everyone else, milo has a choice. let this timeline fade, allowing skaia to focus solely on just the beta kids, but they will not be able to live in the dream bubbles. Or, create an offshoot timeline, leave the beta kids to die in their horribly glitched session, and have another chance as the main heroes of that timelines earth, knowing that success is still not a certainty. Milo, being a 13 y/o who misses their friends and doesnt give a fuck about a bunch of "heroes" chooses the second option. this causes the offshoot timeline where sburb is delayed, and milo has to sit in the dream bubbles until the game eventually releases. oh uh that also killed milo like to get them in a dream bubble their denizen just fuckin killed them like falling fuckin rock just instant death.

the others are horrified to hear that they all died and milo is the only one who survived (but didnt actually survive, they just can do alot more as a ghost cause they are an heir of doom) and it starts to set in the actual stakes of the game

anna pulls milo aside after the party (which has supremely fucked vibes after milos revelation) to ask them more about the game. after hearing milos story, it only invigorated her more to figure out exactly how to get them through the game. noah tags along cause hes bored and anna and noah havent left each others side in weeks.

milo is answering annas questions about the game to the best of their ability, but the topic of the alpha timeline pops up. noah asks further and milo obliges (same stuff we know, but they word it slightly wrong cause they dont know the full picture). milo days that the alpha timeline is, to their limited knowledge, the correct timeline that leads to a successful end of the game, and every other timeline is a dead timeline that skaia prunes to keep focused on the correct timeline. noah asks what they mean by "prunes" the other timelines, and milo says that everyone is killed in them. noah then asks why everyone died in milos session and if they are from one of those dead timelines, and if so, what happened to the correct timeline. milo says that the way anna explained it before she died in milos session (who was a time player in milos session but aspect is based on personality so she might not be anymore), was that some sessions dont have a correct timeline, so every timeline eventually gets pruned, and there isnt any way to fix it. noah gets frustrated, before getting up to leave, anna asking if they are ok, and noah saying hes fine he just needs some air. anna is worried, but continues to ask milo about the game

noah then sulks off and talks to himself about how fucked up that is, and kinda has a panic attack about what if they are in a doomed timeline now without even knowing. he then sets off to find out if they can escape a doomed timeline, and if not, if they can escape the game entirely.

also uhhhh i forgot to say this before but the prospit dreamers are noah, drew, and kate. and the derse dreamers are anna, milo, and skye

we then get a batch of a few standalone relationship moments, just some moments of them hanging out like before the party but this time their is a notable air of urgency to what they are doing. i havent really written them yet but noah and anna have a bit of an argument, because anna, while still agreeing that sburb is super fucked up, sees the fucked up stuff sburb does as motivation to get through the game as fast as possible, while noah sees it as reason to try and escape before they get killed for no reason with no way to stop it. this rift starts to spread to the others before it culminates in one last conversation between noah and anna

noah says that he is gonna leave. hes figured out a way that might work. turns out the universe is just a huge bubble that you can leave. anna laughs at that, asking if he really thinks that is gonna work. noah gets exasperated, saying he doesnt really know but he has to try. its better than sitting around and waiting to die. anna snaps back saying that that isnt what they are doing. they dont have any evidence to believe they are in a doomed timeline, and in fact noah leaving might be the action that dooms everyone. noah says that he has to leave, he says sorry, walks closer for one last embrace from anna, but she denies it and and says "if you are really going to do this, then im going to stop you. i hope you see the error of your ways before it comes to that" and she walks off

as this is happening, milo and drew find drews quest bed. drew says that noah has already talked to him about leaving and is telling milo. drew says he may leave, because all this pressure to do what sburb wants is kinda getting to him. milo goes quiet, before saying "i get it, but. please dont. i dont want what i did to be in vain". drew says that milo can join them!! but milo shakes his head, saying they have sacrificed too much already, before saying "well... heres your quest bed" and turning around before drew could see the tears in their eyes.

"h- how am i s'posed ro use this dang thing?" says drew

milo turns to drew with tears in his eyes, but a small playful smile creeps onto his face, before saying "you kill yourself on it. duh" and flying off

from another spot on the planet, various bugs are flying around, and in the distance a huge yellow beam erupts into the sky, showing a winged symbol in the air

The Knight of Hope has ascended

(they didnt have yellow text thats the best i got)

Noah to kate and skye, who are having a little picnic, but arent talking much as they were distracted by the beam in the sky (drew god tiering)

Noah breaks it down for them and asks them to go, and kate says that she will, but skye says she wont. she says that that is a huge decision to make without much proof, and she cant with good conscience leave anna behind. shes the space player, and she is needed to make the genesis frog. if she leaves, it really will be a dead timeline no matter what. noah says he understands, gives her a big hug, and starts to leave. Kate is crying as skye turns to her and apologizes. kate grabs her and kisses her, tears welling in both of their eyes, before saying that she wishs she could stay, and shes sorry for leaving, and if they find each other again, she will never leave her side. noah calls after kate, but she asks for just one more moment, and noah says of course before leaving to talk with drew and get his answer and milos answer

the people who are ready to leave are noah, drew, and kate

the people staying behind are anna, milo, and skye

i am not entirely happy with kate and drews motovations i feel its a little weak but also i havent even started writing it so fuck you

noah, now dead set on leaving, goes to meet with anna one final time. he tells her whos going with him, and that she can come with him too, because if she decides to leave, the others will probably join her. she says that that is exactly why she has to stay. someone has to do the work, and after half of the group leaves, shes the only one that can get any results. noah remarks on how distant shes acting, and she says that he can fix that by not leaving. he says he cant do that, and anna says "i knew you would say that" before pulling out her rapier and attacking

(sorry i forgot to do their weapons uhhhh the ones i know so far are drew who has a revolver, anna who has a rapier, and noah who has a firemans axe)

act 2 concludes with another flash, this time set to Mood Swings by Human People. They have a hard fight, mirroring their sparring match from early act 2, but this time anna isnt holding back. she slices noah up and gets him to a pretty bad spot before it cuts to drew. drew sees himself and a beat to shit noah pop out of nowhere with the tume turn tables, drew from the future gives current drew a copy of the turntables (specifically not to make a loop with them) and tells him to go save noah. drew shows up just in time to see anna about to make the killing blow on noah, and drew, tears welling in his eyes, says sorry and pulls out his revolver and shoots anna in the head. he then grabs noah, uses the turn tables to go back, and the flash fades as we see anna bleeding out on the floor, as milo and skye get to her right at the end of the flash

act 3 starts with drew taking noah to his quest bed, and lying him on there. noah then ascends

The Prince of Blood has ascended.

simultaneously, skye and milo brought anna to her quest bed, where she ascends as well.

The Thief of Mind has ascended.

Noah and drew go to meet up with kate at her quest bed, as she goes to god tier. she is the last of the people who are going to leave, and they need every advantage they can get

(something) of Breath has ascended.

(idk what class shed be hfkshdjd sorry)

They then get to the edge of the session, giving it one last look, before leaving.

ok so uhhhh the rest i have no clue jfkshdjs except for literally the last flash. like everything between now and the end (pretty much the entirety of act 3) i have no clue. but on annas side, she gets alot more controlling and aggressive, eventually stooping to using her thief of mind powers to mind control them (taking their mind) into doing what she wants. shit gets mad fucked up in there

i literally hsve no clue what noah and the gang do. there is a bit of a romance between drew and noah just cause i really want them to fuck nasty, but nothing serious comes of it and they are both chill with it. its kinda like a summer fling but they are traveling through the very edges of paradox space. probably like hiding from the horror terrors?? idk i have a theory that the horror terrors are all like players that have gonethrough the ultimate self shit, so maybe they go to talk to the horrorterrors and its like a physical manifestation of like a forum board?? idk that could be neat

noahs team and annas team still keep in contact somewhat, but not much. noah keeps trying to contact anna, but after she doesnt respond for a bit and noah keeps trying, she blocks him.

eventually noah and the gang figure out a way to be safe outside of the control of skaia and sburb, and he says that if the others want, noah and them can pretty much head back to get them. milo and skye agree because...

eventually, anna finds out that the session was doomed from the start and she is obviously devastated by the knews, cause that means that all of the bad shit she did, all of the friends shes lost, were all for nothing. act 3 ends on that and act 4 is just one last flash

the flash is set to Souk Eye by Gorillaz, and it starts with skye and milo grabbing a destraught anna who is just lying on the ground crying. they drag her to where noah said to meet up with them, and anna locks eyes with noah. at first she averts her gaze, but all she sees is the session, now in ruin as the war on skaia is raging on with the prospitans losing badly, and several of the planets overrun with various monsters. the session is in ruin. she looks back to meet noahs gaze, assuming she will see nothing but malice, but he just smiles and floats towards her.

drew flies into milo, giving them a huge bear hug and saying that he really missed them. kate tackles skye with kisses, joking about how he had to hear drew and noah fuck way more than she would have wanted for one life, and noah puts hid hand on annas cheek, before she kisses him like super hard like one of those kisses where they grab the others face and kiss them like its the last thing they will ever do, and they just sit like that. finally reunited, the session in ruins behind them, but they have each other, so its ok. anna breaks free of the kiss, and they all leave the session, and set off for a life beyond sburb.

the end.

uhhhh yeah idk if thats what you expected like a whole fuckin story HDKAKFLHA but. yeah thats what i had written for my fan session. im not gonna get into the themes and stuff cause ive already written so fucking much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but yeah. thats ir ^u^

[jasperscringepit]

I never like to get into fandom wars or drama but oh,. My god… the last few days have been EXHAUSTING. Please can we all read this, learn and then LEAVE THE REAL PEOPLE ALONE.

They are not their characters!! Queer characters are allowed to be messy!! This does not mean it’s inherently bad/ harmful rep!!

Whilst I understand how people find the ‘bisexual character sleeps around a lot’ troupe upsetting/reductive, I’m begging for people to put it into context. Buck as a character has historically slept around. He decided to stop doing this because he realized he was using it as a coping mechanism for missing out on intimacy and feeling cripplingly lonely. He’s now in a space where he has a family, full of people that love and support him. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to explore himself and what he likes now that he’s in a more stable headspace and environment.

Also, it’s not like they’re pulling a ‘cheating because they can’t decide’ plot line which WOULD be directly harmful. As someone who’s sexuality probably fits closest to bisexuality, that would be gross and reductive. However that’s not what’s happening, and I find it a little odd that this quickly turns into slutshaming which is often biphobic in itself? Having casual sex isn’t inherently bad guys.

We’re in a place where representation comes more frequently! This is wonderful, but it also opens the doors to allow more nuanced development. Now we’re in a space where we don’t have to keep insisting that being queer isn’t inherently bad or evil ALL of the time, let new queer characters be messy!!! They’re finally allowed to have more depth, PLEASE let them.

AND FINALLY. Maybe leave real people out of this???? It’s really important to remember that no-one is perfect. Humans make mistakes, so actors make mistakes. I don’t think this is a justified reason to dogpile on people and SEND DEATH THREATS??? If you’re upset, do something kind for yourself and move on.

i am being so fucking serious when i say a lot of people need to free themselves and queer characters from the shackles of the idea of "good representation" you are stifling and limiting and shrinking queer characters down just so you can fit them into a "good representation" box and it's so. exhausting. queer characters are not a monolith. free yourselves. and them.

[dantesjourney]

Been a minute since I've been on here. With everything going on, though, I decided to wander back over. Not long after my last post, on November 30th 2023, I came downstairs after waking up and found my best friend, my platonic soulmate, my ex husband dead in his room. Nearly everything since then has been cripplingly intense or complete dissociation. I don't remember huge parts of 2024.

My chosen family and my partner are the only reason I've survived. And my cats. I can't let them lose their only remaining human.

Now... I don't even know where to begin. As someone in the US, I'm absolutely fucking terrified. For more reasons than my brain knows how to handle.

Neurodivergent - ADHD/ASD assessment steps initiated, with two mental health professionals pretty certain of ADHD already.

Diagnosed CPTSD - part of which comes from being in the unbelievably abusive troubled teen industry, making the threat of "farms" from RFK terrifying on a level I don't know how to accurately communicate.

Bisexual, Genderfluid, Transmasc - I feel like that one explains itself.

History nerd, with a particular fascination in events from 1914 - 1950. History nerd + enhanced pattern recognition skills is not a combination I'm happy to have right now.

I've never really known what to do with Tumblr, but I'm hoping I can find community here.

[hyuuga-heiress]

Linkle = Strong girl who oozes self confidence. The Alpha Lesbian. Has her own personal cucco army should an imp steal her compass or if a man with funny hair summons demonic avocados.

Hinata: A skilled kunoichi, but has cripplingly low self-esteem. Definitely a Beta bisexual, though she leans more towards girls than men. Probably because she's surrounded by more girls than men these days.

[cat-with-a-keyboard]

💙 + 💜 for the asks :)

💙: no nothing concrete sadly, but there's tentative plans to go to some kind of pride event with my Very Queer Aunt as long as our schedules don't conflict too badly!!! im usually Not a huge People And Gatherings person but i'd like to try it. at least one time.

💜: i look like a stereotypical butch lesbian and ngl i really enjoy that. makes me feel very Gender :} and (unfortunately?) im definitely the stereotypical slutty poly bisexual (as much as i can be with how cripplingly shy i am)

[nightmaree-eyess]

Bruh how can I be bisexual and yet get 0 play. Like I have anyone in the world to choose from yet I’ve been single my whole life. I have no excuses.

[scorpionyx9621]

Some Brett Hand Headcanons because I Binged Inside Job and Brett is Rotating Around My Brain Like a Potato in a Microwave. (Mild nsfw warning)

ADHD is what this man has, this isn't a controversial take. That being said the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria that Brett has literally punches you in the face like the axe body spray he wears.

We all see him as the biggest golden retriever boy they have in this universe but almost everyone undermines his achievements. I'm almost 100% sure he got into Yale because of nepotism and him being from the most comically evil old white conservative family this show could muster, but Brett still did graduate from Yale. That's no small feat.

The crew took a trip to Brett's apartment one day. It's a small, modest, but very modern 1-bedroom apartment in DC. Brett apologizes for the place looking like a mess but to everyone's shock the apartment is spotless. To the point that it looks like he vacuumed before leaving the house. Everything cabinet in his kitchen is labeled and everything is organized. His spice cabinet is alphabetically organized.

Brett actively has a planner and bulletin board/calendar that has important dates written down. Brett has the type of ADHD where if it isn't written down and it isn't in front of him, it doesn't exist. Brett has everyone's birthday written down, every major meeting and every spontaneous trip to the bar is added to the planner.

So I am budding astrologer and I get heavy HEAVY autumnal birth chart energy from Brett. He absolutely gives me Libra sun energy. The jawline gives me Virgo rising. Plus a Sagittarius Moon. Plus he has 3 very favorable placements in his inner planets (Virgo Mercury, Libra Venus, Scorpio Mars)

So we're all just gonna ignore the fact that Brett physically assaults the team via the proxy of Puppet Brett at the end of his episode in S2 E4? It's off screen but Puppet Brett is throwing hands. Brett may be a cripplingly chronic people-pleaser and will go through the hazing of 38 different fraternities just so he will get the validation he craves, but when you do finally push Brett off that edge. After many, MANY days of Brett holding it in, Brett is going to maim.

I have a feeling Brett does want to be a father one day. However he's agreed with his therapist he is not emotionally ready right now to have a child. Plus he also agreed with his therapist that he wants his siblings and parents to have next to nothing to do with his child.

Brett has such a praise kink it's not funny. I'm like 90% sure if you look longingly into his eyes, tussle his hair, rub his inner thigh, and call him a good boy he'll melt into butter. It's that easy.

Also we know that canonically Brett is kinkier than he lets on. When he swapped bodies with Glenn and had sex with his wife. Glenn's wife admitted that Brett had done "Dark, Erotic things." Also Myc read his thoughts aloud and admitted to the group that Brett thought Reagan's mom was hot. So I headcanon that Brett has a bit of a mommy/older women kink but also Brett has the body and the stamina to get you off. Add that to his insane people-pleasing tendencies and Brett is going to rock your freaking world.

Attached to Brett's apartment is a whole fancy expensive fitness club. That was one of Brett's priorities in looking for an apartment. He was a successful personal trainer for the state department and on Brett's days off he does still help train his old clientele. He's just one of those people who really likes to exercise and he gets cranky/upset even if he doesn't get some physical exercise in. Do anything long enough and eventually becomes a habit.

Brett is bisexual but has an emotional/physical preference towards women. Brett definitely experimented and realized he actually liked doing the deed with men. However it isn't his first choice.

I also believe Brett hasn't had a serious committed relationship. While Reagan has had a few relationships Brett hasn't had much in the way of S/O's mostly because he'd much rather friend zone himself than risk becoming hated by someone because of something he did. Poor guy. Plus Brett hasn't had many people who have wanted him beyond just a one-night stand.

Brett is a bomb-ass cook. He picked it up naturally since even though he had a butler being a child of nepotism without all the benefits kind of sucks. But Brett learned how to cook and is a surprisingly healthy one too. I can very much see Brett being like "Whole Foods isn't that expensive if you're just buying produce and fresh ingredients!"

Brett isn't afraid of spiders but he HATES cockroaches. Brett has broken a lease on an apartment because they just weren't doing enough to solve the roach problem in his building.

Brett was an emo/goth in high school as well as being on the high school football team. Brett also is in his early 30's when the show aired in 2021. Plus even though he was born in the 90's he's a huge fan of 80's sitcoms. Which means Brett was probably born in 1990 or at the latest 1991. All this to say Brett is a fan of early 2000's emo and you can't fight me on this. Brett was into My Chemical Romance, Wheezer, Thursday, Panic! At the Disco, Paramore.

[ithinkofnealcassady]

WAIT we just read the love song of j. alfred prufrock in class and now I’m desperate to know what you think of it

i literally waited to answer this until i had ample time because this ask.... means the world to me. yes.

first of all??? it opens with an excerpt from dante’s inferno in the OG italian so you know it has to be good. the constitution of overthinking as a hell at the end of which he cannot return from?? yeah. that's poetry.

“like a patient etherized upon a table.” i spent the longest five minutes of my life waxing poetic about this line in my poetry class last year. etherized. when you’re etherized you’re held down, you’re entirely out of power, the evening is at the whim of the universe, unmovable by its own strength, being tugged in every direction and shifted and cut into by the hands of the universe around it. yeah. 

“Streets that follow like a tedious argument / Of insidious intent / To lead you to an overwhelming question ... / Oh, do not ask, “What is it?” / Let us go and make our visit.“ overthinking 101. also, “streets that follow like a tedious argument” ???? YEAH. do not ask what is it. let us go and make our visit. as someone who desperately wants to be as impulsive as the world will let me, as stupidly impulsive as is humany possible but as someone who is also cripplingly afraid of everything,,,, yeah.

the entire next stanza personifiying the mist like a stupid little cat makes my heart warm. i love stupid little cats. i love the mist being a cat: nosing its business everywhere it shouldn’t, making a nuisance of itself, but curling around the house like a comfort at the end anyhow.

“And indeed there will be time” is maybe one of my favorite lines ever in general just because it is so applicable, but everything that follows it is also perfection: “there will be time / To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;” there will be TIME for all the things you rush to do now, for all these catastrophes you are preparing for. there will be TIME to breathe and “murder and create” and “time for you and time for me” in a way, it’s like the gentlest, sweetest “slow down” i’ve ever heard. 

the repeated “In the room the women come and go / Talking of Michelangelo.” is so amazing too: yes, you’re taking a moment, and things are still happening around you, yes, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean you can’t BREATHE! people will continue to discuss and discover and do around you but that doesn’t mean YOU don’t have TIME to do that TOO!

so he’s like,,, yeah we have time,, the whole beginning is just “there’s all this time” but at the same time he’s also like,,,, let’s. he’s just like “let’s.” the whole time it’s just yes i’m terrified and yes i feel so fucking rushed and panicked and confused because the world is weird and crooked but you’re here and we have this time so let’s. and i think that’s pretty funky and beautiful, mister eliot.

“Do I dare / Disturb the universe? / In a minute there is time / For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.“ i have nothing to add

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;” yeah. my neurotic kin. everything is careful and overthought and done to exact amounts. everything is RUSH HURRY NOW RUSH NOW EXACT HURRY PERFECT. and the little silent voice beneath this is just hedging on: he talks about his bald spot and people talking ABOUT his bald spot and he’s like “let’s.”

“When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, / Then how should I begin“ the constant feeling of being scrutinized. the way this manifests in a fear, an unwillingness, to do anything at all. why would we do anything when we know we’ll be judged for it? butterfly pinned under a glass case. LET’S.

“I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, / And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, / And in short, I was afraid.” me too. me too me too. and the fact that, in the face of this, he’s still over here going LET’S?????? yeah. 

“To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead, / Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—“ to know all? to really know all and to tell it to yourself? to erase that constant worry? i think there’s a quiet bravery in the way he seems flabbergasted at the idea of telling all to himself, at the idea of correcting one’s life to be the way it “should.”

“No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;” i know people say this is about status in life but that’s bullshit. eliot’s speaker is at least as neurotic as hamlet, though i shudder to compare any level of neuroticism to hamlet’s. this man is telling himself to stop thinking so much, so deeply, to stop catching on every stitch in the blanket and just notice the warmth for once. he’s saying to himself, LET’S, you and i. 

“one that will do... almost, at times, the Fool.” this whole thing? yeah he’s saying he’s wrong sometimes, stupid sometimes, a fool sometimes, but that’s because he’s human, and he shouldn’t overthink that. there’s some strange beauty in it.

“I grow old ... I grow old ... / I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.“ this was my instagram bio for months. a bisexual anthem. but also a way of saying “im tired (old) of overthinking, of micromanaging myself. im gonna roll my fucking trousers.”

“I do not think that they will sing to me.” this line always hits me like a bullet. the siren call wont call him. there’s nothing he finds himself pulled by. there’s nothing to want so much that a siren could drown him in the search for it. this is the hopelessness to counter every single bit of exhausted “LET’S-ing” he’s done throughout the rest of the poem. this is the moment you understand that it’s not a bit of hopefullness left in him at all making him feel like he should just Do. it’s a bit of nihilistic exhaustion. it’s “Let’s Do Before We Die Because Otherwise We Died For Nothing.”

“Till human voices wake us, and we drown.” this line, to me, is eliot’s persona talking about hearing the voices of the neuroticisms he’s voiced throughout the whole poem prior. it’s weighing the voices of himself, of man, over the voices of mystical sirens, the same way night can be etherized: the way he feels, the exhaustion he holds, is so heavy that it sucks the mystic powers out of everything that could possibly be mystical. nighttime can be made to bow down. sirens are less strong than insecurity. it’s the ocean, with its waters “white and black” that give life and death; it’s all or nothing. it’s that which calls to him (all or nothing, life or death) because he’d rather that than live the way he does: questioning and unsure and wavering.

anyway i read this poem as a discussion between the persona and himself rather than the persona thinking about a lover bc fuck romance but i just love the idea of the persona trying so hard to make himself feel living is worth it, and at the beginning you believe this “LET’S!!” energy he has but at the end you’re like “dude go see a fucking therapist.” 

[regesc]

i need it all in one place in my meta tag sooo. trans noctis headcanons! 

under the cut: warnings for brief mentions of unsafe binding, menstruation and dysphoria.

Noctis is Nonbinary and Trans Masculine, and is what you would call pre-transition; no hormones, et cetera, and has very little intention to medically transition safe for maybe testosterone when he’s older / more comfortable. Noctis came out when he was eighteen, though has been aware of / experienced dysphoria since he was around fifteen - sixteen despite not really having a word for it; his experiences with gender and his general knowledge is pretty limited to what Ignis could tell him, so while I use words ( like nonbinary and stuff ) to describe him noctis just sort of refers to himself as a man.  He is uneducated, and has had very little time to explore himself. He has only been out to close friends for two years, and never came out publicly. 

Noctis’ dysphoria is for the most part entirely social, as he experiences feelings towards his body ranging from blank / bored disconnect ( just like, oh i exist ) that can occasionally border on body dysphoria, though never cripplingly so, to euphoria / pride ( especially when he’s with a partner who likes him ): it’s also important to note that while he calls himself a man, it’s just a term he identifies with, Noctis still also identifies very heavily with his birth name / his womanhood at times, and finds it extremely hard to let go of this due to his relationship with his gender. There are times Noctis still refers to himself with feminine terms, and this is okay, and something he is allowed to do. His gender expression is his own. He just sorta calls himself a dude and you gotta roll with it.

However, because of the above, his sexuality is sort of a sore spot for him: he tends to avoid talking about it because he can’t figure out what term he should identify with. Noctis varies from calling himself bisexual to just saying he likes men to completely omitting sexuality all together  — his relationship with his gender affects his relationship with his sexuality, but it’s important to takeaway from this that gender and sexual orientation aren’t always linked like this and more often than not are entirely separate! It’s simply how he feels.

These things do affect him as a character and how I write him, but I’d also like to think his reactions to these things do lean heavily on who he is as a character; Noctis, as a character, is extremely recoiled from emotional expression and tends toward blank or bored in his youth, which can affect his relationship with himself; he’s very unresponsive to his gender, lashing out only when prodded about it or when he reaches his absolute limit. He’s also very closed off, rarely discussing it, seeing it often times as more of a burden than anything.

Extra notes!

1) He binds sometimes, and owns a slightly oversized and overused binder however seeing as it’s dangerous to bind while exercising ( seriously if you take nothing from my blog take this, bind safely ) for the most he defers to wearing sports bras or just not wearing one at all and sticking on a baggy hoodie. i think his chest is where 99% of his body dysphoria really does come from, only because its the thing he finds himself most prominently aware of when he’s feeling bad.

2) he’s on birth control and has been since he was 17, mostly to regulate his hormones / control his period because he thought it’d help with his depression when he was younger ( though in reality this was menstruation related dysphoria ). he does the 12 week > 1 week of placebo / reminder pills ( because he’d absolutely forget ) but if he could he’d just never get it because he hates it. so much. you can tell he’s on if he’s just laying in bed playing kings knight for 12 hours a day.

3) when it comes to pronouns, noct’s a bit of a mess: i encourage people in threads to alternate between he and they, but noctis refers to himself with all kinds; he, again, really hasn’t been out long, so will sometimes defer to she/her for himself until it sort of sinks in, but will otherwise use he/him. he will always, when he is uncomfortable / especially dysphoria, simply refer to himself as they and avoid gendered terms altogether, also encouraging other people to do the same. but honestly noctis feels kind of like a burden changing up his pronouns: he again has never had.. much experience with it. choosing his own name was enough of a journey. he doesn’t like feeling like he’s putting people out. he doesn’t like drawing attention to himself.

Which I think lends to the final point: Noctis just doesn’t want attention. But it’s hard! I never get to explore this in threads, but he really  does feel like it’s all just... a bit much for people? Noctis has this problem y’see, where he wants to internalise all of his problems and never face them - it’s why him coming out to Ignis wasn’t calm, it was him pretty much reaching a breaking point. Noctis just doesn’t talk about his feelings, and these are no different; he faces this problem as he would any other thing as a character, because it’s a part of who he is.

anyway congrats thats the post. remember him. he is thinking of you always

[soarecrown]

i need it all in one place in my meta tag sooo. trans noctis headcanons!

under the cut: warnings for brief mentions of unsafe binding, menstruation and dysphoria.

Noctis is Nonbinary and Trans Masculine, and is what you would call pre-transition; no hormones, et cetera, and has very little intention to medically transition safe for maybe testosterone when he’s older / more comfortable. Noctis came out when he was eighteen, though has been aware of / experienced dysphoria since he was around fifteen - sixteen despite not really having a word for it; his experiences with gender and his general knowledge is pretty limited to what Ignis could tell him, so while I use words ( like nonbinary and stuff ) to describe him noctis just sort of refers to himself as a man.  He is uneducated, and has had very little time to explore himself. He has only been out to close friends for two years, and never came out publicly.

Noctis’ dysphoria is for the most part entirely social, as he experiences feelings towards his body ranging from blank / bored disconnect ( just like, oh i exist ) that can occasionally border on body dysphoria, though never cripplingly so, to euphoria / pride ( especially when he’s with a partner who likes him ): it’s also important to note that while he calls himself a man, it’s just a term he identifies with, Noctis still also identifies very heavily with his birth name / his womanhood at times, and finds it extremely hard to let go of this due to his relationship with his gender. There are times Noctis still refers to himself with feminine terms, and this is okay, and something he is allowed to do. His gender expression is his own. He just sorta calls himself a dude and you gotta roll with it.

However, because of the above, his sexuality is sort of a sore spot for him: he tends to avoid talking about it because he can’t figure out what term he should identify with. Noctis varies from calling himself bisexual to just saying he likes men to completely omitting sexuality all together  — his relationship with his gender affects his relationship with his sexuality, but it’s important to takeaway from this that gender and sexual orientation aren’t always linked like this and more often than not are entirely separate! It’s simply how he feels.

These things do affect him as a character and how I write him, but I’d also like to think his reactions to these things do lean heavily on who he is as a character; Noctis, as a character, is extremely recoiled from emotional expression and tends toward blank or bored in his youth, which can affect his relationship with himself; he’s very unresponsive to his gender, lashing out only when prodded about it or when he reaches his absolute limit. He’s also very closed off, rarely discussing it, seeing it often times as more of a burden than anything.

Extra notes!

1) He binds sometimes, and owns a slightly oversized and overused binder however seeing as it’s dangerous to bind while exercising ( seriously if you take nothing from my blog take this, bind safely ) for the most he defers to wearing sports bras or just not wearing one at all and sticking on a baggy hoodie. i think his chest is where 99% of his body dysphoria really does come from, only because its the thing he finds himself most prominently aware of when he’s feeling bad.

2) he’s on birth control and has been since he was 17, mostly to regulate his hormones / control his period because he thought it’d help with his depression when he was younger ( though in reality this was menstruation related dysphoria ). he does the 12 week > 1 week of placebo / reminder pills ( because he’d absolutely forget ) but if he could he’d just never get it because he hates it. so much. you can tell he’s on if he’s just laying in bed playing kings knight for 12 hours a day.

3) when it comes to pronouns, noct’s a bit of a mess: i encourage people in threads to alternate between he and they, but noctis refers to himself with all kinds; he, again, really hasn’t been out long, so will sometimes defer to she/her for himself until it sort of sinks in, but will otherwise use he/him. he will always, when he is uncomfortable / especially dysphoria, simply refer to himself as they and avoid gendered terms altogether, also encouraging other people to do the same. but honestly noctis feels kind of like a burden changing up his pronouns: he again has never had.. much experience with it. choosing his own name was enough of a journey. he doesn’t like feeling like he’s putting people out. he doesn’t like drawing attention to himself.

Which I think lends to the final point: Noctis just doesn’t want attention. But it’s hard! I never get to explore this in threads, but he really does feel like it’s all just… a bit much for people? Noctis has this problem y’see, where he wants to internalise all of his problems and never face them - it’s why him coming out to Ignis wasn’t calm, it was him pretty much reaching a breaking point. Noctis just doesn’t talk about his feelings, and these are no different; he faces this problem as he would any other thing as a character, because it’s a part of who he is.

anyway congrats thats the post. remember him. he is thinking of you always

[rockformed]

.

[designsdefiance]

inspired by a scene from our roleplay hehe, right before the final steps of faith

this ship has been kind of torturous both because i am very new to actually roleplaying ship content and because of the three of them as people. ziodaux is a brume rat orphan who has spent his entire life since losing his parents never feeling like he’s worth anybody’s time or effort. he’s a liar extraordinaire who exaggerates and embellishes his accomplishments and often just makes things up wholesale bc he firmly believes that who he really is ain’t worth knowing. this is reinforced by his messy relationship history; ziodaux has a lot of experience with drunken one night stands and being cast aside by the object of his affections the moment the night is over and everybody sobers up. for all his bravado, he has cripplingly low self esteem and while he’s quite a romantic at heart, he’s all but convinced himself he’s worth nothing more than a casual fuck under the influence of too much booze. 

and then there’s augustin and clarion. 

augustin is a well behaved little clergy boy who accidentally got roped up in a very poorly executed heist of zio’s that got him on house durendaire’s shitlist. clarion is the knight hired to chase the two of them down and bring them back to ishgard. somehow they’ve become his closest friends- and quite honestly, the only real friends he’s ever had. they’ve been through so much together, and he cares about them more than he’s ever cared about anyone ever. and as previously mentioned, he’s a romantic at his core. he’s fallen so deeply for both of them, absolutely smitten by augustin’s nervous, awkward charm + clarion’s resilient strength of spirit- and they’re both hot and he’s bisexual as hell, sue him. at the same time, he’s fucking terrified, because being honest about his feelings usually leads to him getting left. and he just can’t stand to lose either of them. he’s nothing without them, they’re his best friends before they’re anything else, and he’d rather keep them as friends than tell them how he feels and lose them for good. so he’s sitting here, desperately pining but knowing he can’t possibly share how he feels.

and then the time comes to face nidhogg. and zio is pretty fuckin sure they’re gonna die. they’ve faced dragons before but never like this. he’s terrified that one or all of them are going to die here and in a moment of insanity, he confesses how he feels about them, certain he’s about to be rejected and fuck everything up but hey, he’s also probably about to become a dragon’s breakfast, so who fucking cares, right? 

aaaaand then augustin kisses him. and it absolutely floors him. what??? how??? why???? and while his mind is reeling from that, clarion does it too!!!! and for a moment he can’t even care about the fucking dragon anymore because fucking hello. how. how could they possibly feel the same about someone like him? he didn’t have a plan for this!!!!!

but hey, they’re still gonna fucking die, right? so it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know what to do next. he can just die happy knowing the two people he loves the most in the world love him too-

oh they survived? well. fuck. 

oc kiss week day 2: first

it may have taken literally being in mortal peril to get him to confess he has A Feeling but zio got two entire kisses out of it so like. he's winning. maybe.

[norahastuff]

Canonical destiel moments so far in season 14:

1. Dean and Cas are ‘’attached at the everything’’(dick, he meant dick Jan - he even gestured at Cas’ dick to emphasise that he meant dick.)

2. Bobby calling Mary ‘’sunshine’’ in the bunker’s kitchen in a direct parallel to that time Dean did exactly the same thing to Cas.

3. Jack putting forth the idea that they may have to kill Dean to defeat Michael, and Cas refusing to even entertain the possibility - in a direct parallel to how Dean reacted in a similar conversation with Sam when Cas was possessed by Lucifer (just couple things - refusing to sacrifice your loved one to an archangel they’ve said yes to, to save their family/the world, after suffering from intense feelings of low self worth).

4. The swell of music after Dean returned to the bunker sans Michael and Cas came into to greet him.

5. Whatever the fuck this was...eye fucking...eye love making..? Personally I think it's Dean trying to eye convey his internal monologue to Cas: I still have issues accepting my repressed bisexuality, need to work on my codependent relationship with my brother, not to mention my cripplingly low self worth that doesn't let me believe I deserve to be happy but I'm working on It, please don't give up on me remember that time I made you a mixtape

6. Dean, fresh from being free from Michael, completely trusting Cas to go into his head and Vulcan mind meld with him.

7. Dean listing Cas and Jack being gone as the first reason why he was holed up in his room in 14x03, avoiding the rest of the bunker.

8. Mary wearing a beige trench coat in the episode where she's exploring her feelings for Bobby but feels he won't reciprocate because he has walls up. After they talk honestly they get to leave and be happy together, which Dean encourages them to do. ( yes this parallel to destiel is mostly subtextual but fuck it, the show put Mary in a Cas coat and made mobby a knockoff Dean Cas story so I'm including it.)

This is all stuff from the first 5 episodes, two of which Cas wasn't even in. I understand there's negativity and people can feel down about the show killing off destiel etc, but clearly they're not doing that. These are all textual moments that occurred. I can't say what they're leading to, I'm not psychic and nobody has a direct line into Dabb or the network's heads. I don't know how explicit they will ever get with Destiel.

But the truth is, every season since season 10 has pushed the subtext further and further to the point where a lot of it has just been text. The Dabb ers is many things, but they are a lot less subtle with Destiel than the Carver era was. They haven't backed off of destiel and they certainly not shying away from exploring it in the show. Dean and cas exploring their feelings for each other is never going to be a long explicitly maintext plot point/story, that's just not the way the show has been handling it. Just because the focus is elsewhere at the moment, it doesn't mean it's a no homo or Dabb doesn't care anymore, it literally just means the focus is elsewhere.

I understand if people feel differently and I completely respect that, but for me personally, the show hasn't given me anything to worry about recently with how they're handling Dean and Cas' relationship, so I thought that I'd throw my unasked for opinion on it, out into the void.