#cringe is dead the world is fuck make up a person to make out w/ your fav

[telltalebatman]

😌

[thatdeadaquarius]

Was reading thru ur answered asks again (also hey lol i CAME BACK--) and like. Oh my god. It gave me The Most Idea.

So you get isekaied to Teyvat right? They hear your og language, they revere every single worf from your mouth, yadda yadda yadda. But like. How does SLANG AND THE OTHER ASPECTS OF UR OG LANGUAGE translate. I am having VERY heavy flashbacks to Pokemons "jelly filled donuts".

So like-- for example: (this is the first one that came to my head dont judge me i am tumblr trash) (lets also assume that traveler has perfect understanding of ur language and slang and all the nuances of it)

Lets say you and the traveler were hanging out with some of the Vision holders, and the traveler had some shenanigans and pranks or something planned. After they pull their shit, you say "i hate you so much (affectionate)". Which kind of throws the Vessels in for a loop because like-- their god literally just said they HATED someone. And hate is a PRETTY STRONG WORD. So they should DEFINITELY strike them down for catching their gods ire but-- AFFECTIONATE????? how does one hate someone affectionately???????? Does this mean their god hates the traveler but decided to recind their hate last second? Is it some form of Divine and Holy emotion that cannot be described by the mere words of their language????

Meanwhile youre just there vibin and having a blast with the traveler while you casually give them a philosophical crisis AHAHAHA

Another example is shortened words-- because i know teyvat doesnt have shit like "ily" or "omg" or "lmao" or "fyi" or "brb". Because honestly, without the cultural knowledge and background of the internet, these sets of letters are just fucking GIBBERISH.

And i know that like-- i know enough internet slang abbreviations that i can literally just talk in jumbles of letters, so how in the WORLD would the vessels interpret that? Because its very clear that their god is just using the letters of their language, HELL they might even use Teyvatian letters so what in the world are they saying????

So theyd just hear a convo between the traveler and reader thats like:

Reader: traveler, i gtg asap; tldr i forgot some stuff back in the cr brb

Traveler: wait fr?

Reader: yeah fr

Traveler: lol f

Reader: (sighs) ffs man-- anyways brb for real

Traveler: cya

And the vessels are just watching the exchange like "huh?? What????? What just happened here??????" And theyre just wondering if they used teyvatian to talk in the "divine language of the gods" but nah-- yall are just dickin around AHAHA

Hey, so it came to my attention some of this was AAVE, and while i am southern so things like "ya'll" got included w/o me thinking - thats not an excuse for me to use this as a white person.

so if you wouldnt mind letting me please know if i do this as we talk abt language more and more - i do not want to repeat shit like this again.

I'm genuinely sorry to any black readers out there.

I've personally seen and cringed with you when I see imagines/reader things that assume a white person as default,

All I can do in ur eyes is promise that I am actively putting a stop to my ignorance of things like AAVE, and ask for forgiveness (which you arent obligated to give, never feel that way).

So with that in mind, read the ask below with caution, although it has since been edited.

____

ITS YOU!! >:D

A treat for ur ask my liege 🤲🍪✨️

I think u were literally the first asker after my first SAGAU/Isekai language brainrot post!! Omg u came back with a banger LMAO

What in the public menace is this...

(Gif is traveler and u pranking bitches)

Traveler knowing our world + language + SLANG?? INTERNET?? is SUCH A CONCEPT

So much room for inside jokes

I absolutely love the first one u said about phrases these days/gen z ig? slang

Its like so dramatic now that i think about it

Hate / love / dead / die / just straight up threats towards ur friends as affection or if theyre annoying u 😭

So many explicitives that make it hit harder too "go fucking die, my love <3"

^^^Or yeah like contradictions lol

♤

I think it was @nexylaza (srry abt the tag!) who replied to one of my earlier asks about blunt language how that might sound like to Teyvatians like ur emotions sound more extreme than what u actually feeling (which makes sense ur literally using hate = mildly dislike LMAO)

Same situation here like what u said ^^^

♧

(Ok i did lovely Aether awhile back so we'll go w/ Lumine this time! <3 u Aether!!)

.

*idk at an event/party for your arrival or something, and ya hungry fucks r hoarding the buffet table lol 🍻

.

You: "Shut the fuck up Lumine-"

Lumine: "Why r u pouring ur drink like ur in a earthquake lmao? Shaky hands lol"

.

*The immediate area of people around you go dead silent

*Lumine laughs

💀💀!!

.

Lumine: "Your gonna miss our cups LMAO"

You: "Bitch!" (u grinnin too lol)

.

*the whole rooms now quiet 😭

.

Lumine: "Don't spill- 🤣"

You: "I fucking hate you u whore <3"

(And u give the most genuine like abt to laugh smile🥰 )

.

*...a confused and kinda scared tension fills the room lol

*So poor Noelle, is like, oh. my. god. Creator is that upset with Lumine?? I must try to see what happened, how I can help! I dont remember Lumine doing anything bad to them! Shes wonderful y u do this to her 🥲

.

Noelle: "Uh, um, e-excuse me? Is every-everything al-alright, Y-y-your Majesty?"

You: "Huh? Yeah why??"

Noelle: "...w-well..."

UR FACE LIKE "😗?" LMFAO

.

*The room is staring at Lumine, in a mix of like shock, fear, and a little admiration for taking ur hate?? mood swing??? so well,,

theyre just waiting on Noelle to get an answer from you as to why you hate someone u seemed to care so much about, esp since they were ur first vessel 💀

look what you did their poor hearts u gonna give them a heart attack soon

.

Noelle: "A-a-a-a-are y-y-you s-sure??"

SHE IS SWEATIN

You: "🤨🤨??"

.

*Lumine finally notices why theyre all quiet and kinda concerned looking, bc u sure as hell wouldnt 😭 (i mean it is normal speech for u)

.

And Lumine's like: "No Noelle we're all good! It's just how Your Grace's home world, er, speaks for slang? Its overexagerated purposely dont worry love"

...

...

*Im sure they dont all believe her (or even you if u tell them 😭) and are just like,, REALLY NERVOUS CHUCKLING WHILE LIKE SWEATING-

And it takes a good like 10 minutes for the conversations to start getting back to their volume again, and they all still are looking over their shoulder checking on you guys 😰

.

(U did pour drinks w/o spillin tho🍻)

♡

THE TEXTING SLANNGGG

Ok, but u and Lumine would fucking write letters to people, and being the little shits pranksters u are,

(Bc u kno Teyvat dont got nothing else bc we're in the medival ages, besides having cameras- 🙄 )

And u guys r constantly-

"oh yes yes, that sounds all well and good Keqing, please inform the Qixing that I'll be there ASAP"

AND THEN-

"oh haha, silly me, i forgot that only Lumine/you get that stuff, sorryyyy 😋!!!"

SOME PUBLIC MENACES LMFAO PLEASE

.

And it just spreads to ALLLL the official documents u write or literally any letters sent to anybody-

And everyone else is feeling like the friend that got sacrificed to walk in the grass instead of the sidewalk 💀💀

While also being like "??¿?¿??? 🥲🥲😀😀???"

Is this ancient code?? Why does Lumine get to know it??

Why dont the like??? really old deities understand it??!!

But then nerds like Tighnari, Albedo, Alhaitham, Zhongli, Sucrose, Ayaka, Kokomi, Xingqiu, Childe, Yanfei, Shenhe, Kazhua, Sara, Ayato, Heizou, Cyno, Kaeya

Try to "solve" the letters or slang, poor things and not a single one of them gets it (y did u do this to them lmao)

(God i finally looked at a character list so i wouldnt leave anyone out, but theres so many of these fucks by now help)

^^^But all these ppl try to solve it in different ways/for different reasons that im too lazy to type out individually, u can see it right??

Some see this as an ancient scholarly code thing, some of them think of it like a rlly hard puzzle, and some just rlly want to put the mental effort into knowing/not being left out 😭😭

.

And if anybody happens to see some letter exchanges w/ Lumine or like any written responses, you do not. stop. using. text slang. back to back.

(Like what u put in the ask💀)

And its so miserable for those characters mentioned especially, bc they look like scrambled letters 😭

.

Honestly them seeing u two talk to each other via letters just proves that the letters even mean anything at all to them, bc how did u understand each other, otherwise???!!

.

(No one would ever realize u guys were fucking around unless u told them 💀)

✨️Sorry✨️this✨️isnt✨️that✨️great✨️i✨️just✨️wanted✨️ to✨️ expand✨️ on✨️ what ✨️u ✨️already ✨️had ✨️nothing ✨️new✨️ 🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

I felt feral and out of it when i wrote this, i literally dont remember a single word i typed on that bullet list..

SO i still have asks/requests im gonna answer but i will be posting my follower event poll!! CLICK ME :) ♡

Yall get to choose what i write about for some posts :D

(You can be a new follower!)

✨️

BTW

UR SO BIG BRAIN SMART 2ND RANDOM U EVEN THOUGHT ABT TEYVATIAN LETTERS GETTING INCLUDED ADHJSLALASLL

WHAT A GENIUS

I hope my shit writing was somewhat ok of a reply to read to pay u back for that great idea lol

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds

@karmawonders

[goobersleepy]

Hey pookie, can you do Mitsuba and Tsukasa angst to fluff?

Mitsuba and Tsukasa

Not sure if you wanted them like this or not and this Is my first time doing something like this on tumblr/taking request

The sound of birds chirping, the smell of fresh air, later filled with cooked meat and baked potatoes as the sound of boiling water could be heard

"Mooomm! " A soft voice said, as the person turned off the oven as to not burn the fresh cooked meat

"Wake upppp! I made food! I know today is the big day! ....... Mom? " The child stopped talking as footsteps could be heard, along with the floor creaking, here and there. "Mom....? " the child opened the door oh, the person mother wasn't there he should have checked..

The child sighed, he closed the door making a loud THUD sound, he sighed as he walked to the kitchen and grabbed different bowls and plastic plates to put the found away

He looked at the time 6:20 he is going to be a little light but its fine, he putted the warm, fresh food away. He putted the plates away, and got ready.

He grabbed his uniform, a cyan shirt, a pale pitch tie and a black suit, with white pants and a black belt.And white with green shoes, he sighed and grabbed his bag, fixing his pink soft hair

He sighed and smiled "Today you wont miss this up mitsuba! " His pink eyes with a goal of making friends.....

(Later in the day)

"AGH! " The sound of the metal fence and a body with it along, kicking and name-calling, punching, face slamming etc

"Stop... Please" whimpering and groaning, whinging and crying like a girl, he didn't think this would happen again... He thought this day would be different that nobody would make fun of him for being a girl. Well, looking girly that is, but guys have to be masculin... Not girly

He cringed at the thought of his mother finding out about this, the people stopped hurting him... Its fine it will all pass away anyway

He hiccuped, and got up, hot tear going down his cheeks.. He walked away and out of the school.. He didn't feel like it today anyway

It seems like he was skipping school, it was cold he thought maybe he will freeze to death... That was better then living in a world that didn't want him

He walked home, the cold breezing wind caressing his body, as he tried to get warmth his suit didn't help one bit. He cringed at the wind was hurting his eyes, he couldn't even see anything much... This sucked every part of him screamed at him, he should have walked back

The cars pasted by him, the passengers and drivers watching a school student walk home almost freezing to death. He was lucky he didn't forget his bag, sure they almost stole everything but its fine... Its fine.....

He hiccuped he didn't actually want this... God kill him already, small tears forming as he walked to his gate.. He went to grab his keys and..

Oh.. He forgot them or they got stolen even worse they stole his camera the thing he loved the most, great just great.

He sighed and walked back might as well get back even it was almost the end of school... Just a little closer and- 𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙎𝙃 oh.. Oh no this is bad

He seems to be loosing his sights maybe its his tears? But why is everything so silent? He can barely hear other then the sound of a loud ringing

Everything turned black.

He woke up, everything was so bright but why does he feel like he is floating? Weird this is soo weird "What the fuck... " the child cringed and hiccuped wait.... Was he...? OH GOD! He's dead oh wow oh wow...

Childish giggles could be heard, he looked around what..? No who was that? Was it a child? Was it his imagination? "W-WHO'S THERE?! " he yelled in a panic tone

"Hehe its me silly" A childish voice could be heard as the person showed themselves

A short boy with choppy black hair and wide amber eyes, but his eye pupils are always constricted and he has two small fang-shaped teeth. The child wears a white Western shirt with a black kimono over top, a grey hakama, black shoes, red ankle-height socks, and a hat, and 2 koku-joudai with black and pink with blue circle markings respectively.

On his right cheek is a black yorishiro seal, with 封 (seal) written in red.

"My name is Tsukasa Yugi! But just call me Tsukasa" Mitsuba looked at the kid.. Or well Tsukasa, huh... And what does he want?

"I know what your thinking, what is a kid like me wanting from you? Well THATS easy!!! I grant wishes from dead people. Yes you heard me right.. Dead people" oh so he is dead.. Ha good to know

"So how about a deal? " Tsukasa smiled showing his little sharp fangs, mitsuba shook his head...

"Oh... Well.. You sure? " the child made mitsuba uneasy his stomach turning the tone of the childs voice wasn't something he liked or sounded good... Venom in the tone that could easily scare someone

But he had to stay strong he just had to..

The child just sighed "Fine then your no phone at all... Might as well leave" mitsuba panicked he... He didn't want to be alone..

"NO! I... Dont leave... " his voice creaking a little why was he doing this...? The child looked at him, mitsuba looked away as tears almost spilled down

The child giggled and laughed "𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺.. 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺... 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘵, 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺... 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥" the child tone sweet yet filled with venom like a snake trying to attack its prey... And scare it too

Mitsuba sighed in relief maybe this wasn't so bad... This wasn't bad at all.. Yeah, he ignored the way his stomach turned into uneasy like he was drowning... Its fine even what wrong could this kid do? Even better! 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦..

𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙃𝙀 𝙒𝙊𝙉𝙏 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍 𝘽𝙀.. 𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙄𝙂𝙉𝙀𝘿 𝘼 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙇 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘿 𝙎𝘼𝙏𝘼𝙉 𝙃𝙄𝙈𝙎𝙀𝙇𝙁

[themidnightcleric]

depersonalization/identity

idk man I could have been a theatre kid or a band kid or done photography club, or gotten into languages or been in dance corp or tried out for basketball or even hung out with the punks and gotten into hard drugs or I could have stayed Catholic and righteous and found a husband and pumped out a million babies before kms or found the gays and gotten into drag and had found family or became a nature nerd and gone to birding summer camp and joined fish n game or even gotten some loser boyfriend but I just .....sort of kept to myself in my room in the suburbs with intermissions of hiking or going out with friends who never felt like real friends

and it feels like my life has been this endless blank placeholder space of non belonging like I didn't even get heavy into video games or fanfic or drawing anime?????

I didn't do anything??????? besides read articles online and journal.

like I don't know how to reconcile the amount of alienation I feel from the entirety of humanity bc my entire life up til now has been eaten by severe demotivated depression and indecision/confusion I want to leave behind

like who just....doesnt do anything and hides like that? was it because I was homeschooled? am I coward? was it the autism? the emotional disturbance? dysphoria? am I narcissist?

I feel so incredibly broken and worried there's no way out now. I have to find something to do, some group to join. I mean I collected calendars for a bit and did ballet and basketball and hyperfocused on being a good Catholic but at the crucial point of every commitment I just stopped wanting to do it. I lose track of friends. No one feels quite real, or if they do I am terrified of letting them close enough to see that I'm just faking my humanity.

that's why the PDA label means something to me, the demand avoidance gives a name to the gaping question mark of WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

I feel inhuman and underdeveloped and scared of being alone forever. I don't know how to get past this insecurity and avoidance. Covid and automommune flares make it worse w brain fog. Like I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT EVER. no I don't know the fucking Pokemon. No I don't remember high school. no I don't have a career. No I have never had a normal fun relationship, it's all been toxic or a fling.

I don't even really talk to my family. What do you say? Hi mom I don't even have a drug addiction I'm just floating again?

like I have lived in a nowhere dead zone of human existence for two decades. I don't exist. I wrote poetry comparing myself to Pluto, or calling myself an eraser. it was cringe and it remains cringe. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to become a person and make decisions. The only thing that's been consistent for my lifetime is heavy depression, and a dogged optimistic magical thinking that someday my life would just change, and begin, and I'd be someone with something to offer the world.

That's why I'm codependent. Trying to help or fix others is my addiction and the thing that brought me back to existence. Oh and scrolling online.

Giving that up, and trying to start my own life, I'm lost. I feel like my soul has been underwater somewhere on another planet.

Maybe I've conflated belonging with existing..that feels like a human thing to do. maybe the most human thing about me is the desire to belong even if it never worked out.

anyways I'm grieving all this and the abuse I put up with while dissociated, and it's like the ocean, I don't think it ends. This is the worst feeling and I don't know if it will ever leave me for good. It only ever lets up when someone holds me or massages my skin, bringing my body back into the sensory world, or in those brief moments of joyful imagination when I visualize someone loving me, or when a snake or frog crosses my path in the woods.

I should probably be institutionalized but I'm scared of that too.

what do I do to become real?

The last thing that I have hope for to help is top surgery.

all I want in this world is to be held, and cry until I can't cry anymore, and hear it will be okay, and maybe that its okay to let go now. to die or just give up trying to make anything of the past and it's pointless confusing misery.

[plan-d-to-i]

It’s so easily forgotten that JC wanted JZX to die in that cave too. He literally changes the narrative of events when it suits him best. He tells people JFM favoured WWX, he tells people YZY wasn’t too harsh on WWX, he tells people WWX is an enemy of the cultivation worlds, he says WN killed both of JL’s parents, oh but leaves out he said JZX should have been left for dead. Not only does he not take any responsibility for his own actions, he’ll twist other people’s actions to suit his pity party better. None of JC’s words can be trusted yet he’s treated like the most reliable gospel truth of the story but the fandom.

Re THIS post.

YES EXACTLY!! I completely agree.

Side note: jiang cheng is so much like his mother. Like: WWX isn't going to the indoctrination camp??? oh ig ur coddling him bc he's ur fav 😡? What?! WWX IS going to the indoctrination camp!! WOW ?! FREAKING WOW Ofc he can do whatever he wants 😡!! 🤡🤡🤡

jiang cheng has a terrible way of changing the story constantly to make everything wwx's fault. He's absolutely allergic to responsibility himself. Nothing ever happens because of the shitty actions he takes, or bc of his failures as a person. It's all his father being unfair to him and evil WWX showing him up. Even w the incense :

“‘I only’ what? Cat got your tongue? No matter. You can come back to Lotus Pier with me, kneel in front of my mother and father’s souls, and say it slowly.” (Chapter 24)

but then

Jiang Cheng, “Burn some incense? Wei WuXian, are you really that dense? It’s been so long since you were kicked out of our sect, and here you are taking unwelcome people with you to burn incense for my parents?” (Chapter 87)

Jiang Cheng mocked, “Look how forgetful you are. What does unwelcome people mean? Then let me remind you. It was because you played the hero and saved Second Young Master Lan, who’s standing beside you right now, that the entire Lotus Pier and my parents went down with you. (87)

Apparently Jin Zixuan isn't also at fault for being rescued in the XuanWu cave. Or hell any of the other disciples who were going to be turtle kibble INCLUDING JC. It's ALL Lan Wangji's fault. Oh and forget that the whole conflict at Lotus Pier was sparked by his freak of a mother who preferred to see everyone die rather than play nice w WLJ for a little longer instead of stepping on her face.

Then on the defection before he said kicked out now :

Jiang Cheng, “Just how much did we the Jiang Sect give you? I’m supposed to be his son, I’m supposed to be the heir of the YunmengJiang Sect, yet all these years I’ve been outdone by you at every single thing. You paid for your bringing-up with life! The lives of my dad, my mom, my sister, and Jin ZiXuan! Because of you, all that’s left is a parentless Jin Ling!”

Jin Ling trembled. His shoulders sunk, and his face sagged as well. Wei WuXian moved his lips, but he couldn’t say anything. Lan WangJi turned around to hold his hand.

On the other hand, Jiang Cheng refused to give up, shouting, “Wei WuXian, who was the one who broke his promise and betrayed the Jiang Sect first? Tell me.

.....

"He got more agitated as he ranted on, “And in the end? You go and protect outsiders, haha! The Wen Sect’s people, even. How much of their rice did you eat?! Defecting with such resolution!"

Apparently YanLi crashing down on a battlefield of her own choice in the middle of battle and being killed by one of the solders on jc's SIDE, one of the "righteous" cultivators he was gathered there to kill the enemy of the cultivation world with, is somehow WWX's fault. Listen this dude did not give a fuck about Jin Ling's emotions. This was the jiang cheng pity hour. Just like every other hour. Such an insufferable personality type. Can definitely see why his cringe stans project on it so hard...

[forcefully-awoken]

hello this is for @titan-fodder's coffee shop AU collab. you can find the rest of the amazing works here. divider by @firefly-graphics

i am patently against coffee shop AU's but i do like plot twists.

pairing: Nemuri Kayama (Midnight) x Reader

Summary: Life is boring when you work at a coffee shop in a small town and your life feels like it's going nowhere. Good thing Nemuri walks through the door and sets her eyes on you.

warnings: pining, angst, ghost shit, author has never worked in a coffee shop, period typical mentions of homophobia

WC: 4.2k

You never thought your life would turn out this way.

Stuck in a dead end job at a local coffee shop, always working the opening shift, paying off loans for a degree you barely had use for now. You weren’t so old now, barely twenty three, but starting college seemed so far away. Everything felt so much easier back then, you were so young and idealistic and you were going to change the fucking world. Now you have to listen intently while the rudest woman in town berates you because her coffee isn’t heated to the exact degree she had specified.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” You reply smoothly, voice honey sweet and fake as hell, “I’ll get that remade for you right away.” You had no such intentions, but this bitch didn’t need to know that. Instead you took it behind the counter, just out of sight while you busied yourself making another drink. Then you handed the original back to her, and watched as the woman took a sip, sighing happily.

“That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” She snips, walking away. You roll your eyes and take up the register again. Standing in front of you is the single most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. You’re certain she’s never been in before, at least not while you’ve been working. She’s eyeing the menu board over your head, while you’re able to drink in your fill of her. Long black hair, falling in soft layers down her shoulders, pale, unblemished skin, full lips, and bright blue eyes. She’s dressed in the vintage style you’ve seen come back into fashion, red glasses perched on her face.

“W-what can I get for you?” You curse how you stutter out the question- you haven’t stuttered in front of a woman since the sixth grade and you realized you liked girls.

“I think just a black coffee, small.” Oh for fucks sake, even her voice is pretty. You mutely nod, picking up a cup to write down the order.

“And a name?” The words are routine as they slip from your mouth.

“Nemuri Kayama,” She replies, giving you a smile as bright as the sun. All you can do is nod back to her, taking her money and making change in silence. Your coworkers snicker quietly when you even go so far as to hand deliver her drink.

“What time do you get off work?” She asks when you manage to make it over to the table and set the drink down without spilling it on yourself. “I’d love to get to know you.” You check the time on your watch.

“Another two hours,” You reply, sadness in your voice because there’s no way she’ll wait.

“Wonderful!” Are you dreaming? You must be dreaming. “I’ll see you then!” Once again you can only nod in reply, silently wondering what the fuck to yourself as you get back to work. You try to look at Nemuri as much as you can, but she seems to just be lost in thought as she sits at the tiny two person table. She gazes out the window with a dreamy smile on her face, every so often bringing the cup to her mouth- though you notice it doesn’t look like she’s drinking, only smelling it.

Two hours has never seemed so long as your shift drags by. Customers come in, you take orders, your heart tries to beat out of your chest. Soon enough you’re hanging up your apron on its little hook, and ignoring the stares of your coworkers as you take a place across from Nemuri. Her cup still looks full, and you almost want to ask if there was something wrong with it before shutting that train of thought down- you’re not working right now.

“Hello,” You breathe out, trying not to sound so excited, failing miserably. “You waited.”

“Of course,” Nermuri practically purrs at you, leaning forward on the table, just slightly closer to you. “I wanted to talk to you.”

That’s all it takes- you think you’re in love now. The talk starts small, just figuring each other out, you tell Nemuri about your degree and she tells you she never went to college, that she worked as a secretary at a bank you hadn’t heard of. You figured it had to be in the town over, but the conversation moved on before you could ask. You don’t think you’ve had such a delightful conversation in ages, so far from your friends and not close to your coworkers.

Nemuri makes you realize how lonely you’ve been, but soothes the ache before it can even begin. Neither of you offer up your last names, but that seems so inconsequential. You want to know what makes Nemuri smile, what drives her out of bed in the morning (“Not a lot,” She says, smiling down at her now cold coffee, “Just getting by like everyone else.”). For all you can find it in you to care the rest of the world is standing still now. You think you could swim in her eyes, drown in the soft peals of her laughter.

It’s not until the pointed coughs of your coworkers that you realize the shop is only a few minutes away from close. She hesitates when you ask for her number, but that doesn’t slow you down. You offer to walk her to her car, but she says she doesn’t have one- doesn’t even have her license in fact. You offer her a ride home, eager to spend more time with the mysterious woman. She nods just the once, and you go to gather your things, taking her coffee to the back to pour it out in the sink. You’ll really have to figure out what kind of drink she likes.

Nemuri is standing by the table, waiting for you once again. She looks ethereal in the low light, and you tell her as much.

“You look like an angel,” You declare confidently, but she somehow becomes even more pale. There’s a split second where you think you’ve done something wrong enough that she’ll faint right there on the spot but she perks up after a moment.

“That’s the first time I’ve been compared to one,” She teases you, and you lead the two of you out the door. When you turn to grab your keys from you bag you take your eyes off of her for a split second, it’s barely anything, but there’s a gentle breeze and when you turn back Nemuri is gone- leaving you with disappointment and more questions than answers.

Namely, what the fuck.

You had the next two days off, and you were left to wonder- had you done something wrong? The signs felt like they were so clearly there but maybe you had misread them? Maybe Nemuri was just flirty like that, and ran at the first sign of queerness? For the first time in your memory you wish you would get called in so you could ask her about it. But your days off passed quietly, with you just puttering around your house, trying to get everything done that needed to be.

Soon enough you’re there, bright and early, and nervous beyond belief. It feels like it takes all day for Nemuri to show back up, but she arrives- this time right before your shift is over.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing out of her mouth, and damn, it’s hard to stay even a little annoyed when she looks so cute staring at you like that. You find yourself melting, smiling and taking her order- which is your favorite drink, you recommend it to her. When you join her after your shift again she gestures to it. “It’s yours.” Your answering smile is all she needs.

“Tell me about your favorite childhood memory?” Nemuri asks, and you find yourself unable to deny her.

“My mom took us to this mermaid cove place, they have a show with pirates, and mermaids, and singing, and I just remember how happy she was watching it all,” Your eyes grow a little misty thinking about the past, about your mother, “I remember telling her that I was going to be a mermaid one day, just to make her smile like that all the time. I was a very ambitious seven year old.”

“You sound like a good daughter,” Nemuri replies, smiling sweetly at you. “I’m sure your mother is still very happy for you now.”

“She passed,” You manage to choke out, trying hard to sound like you’re okay, “A few years go, but anyways, what about you? Your favorite memory?”

“I’m so sorry,” Nemuri starts, but sees something in your face so when she talks again it’s not about you, “We were down on our luck when I was a child, like everyone was. I was maybe nine or ten at the time- everything we ate was so bland, but it was all we could afford. One day papa came home with an orange- a real orange! We had to split it between everyone but nothing tasted sweeter.” Nemuri isn’t looking at you now- she’s lost in her own thoughts as surely as you’re lost in yours.

“We should talk about happier things,” You say, and Nemuri is nice enough to ignore the sniffle in your voice. “The future, maybe. Where do you see yourself in five years?” She blanches at that, actually, and you feel bad, taking a sip of your drink to focus your thoughts. “You’re right, that was bad. This isn’t a job interview.”

“I just haven’t given it much thought,” Her reply is a little stiff, formal.

“Ah, a live in the moment type of gal?”

“You could say that,” There’s a secret hiding in Nemuri’s smile, one you want to spend as long as she’ll let you trying to figure it out. “What about you? Big future plans?”

“I want to fall in love,” You blurt out, cringing back a little, “That sounds so cheesy. I just want to have a little place, just a little piece of happiness.”

“I don’t think that sounds cheesy at all,” Nemuri assures you, “I think it sounds amazing.” The two of you sit there for another moment, just enjoying each other before the alarm on your phone goes off- half an hour until your therapy appointment. You frown at the reminder, cursing it internally for disrupting your time now. You stand, gathering your things as does Nemuri.

“I have to go, but maybe I could take you out?” There it is again- the blanching, the frown that plays on her lips. “Or is that too fast?”

“We could meet back here?” She slowly suggests, “I live in one of the apartments above?” You’re not sure why she sounds so shy about it but you readily agree anyways- you don’t cherish the idea of coming back here but maybe you’ll get lucky if she’s already inviting you over.

“It’s a date,” You declare, feeling more confident when Nemuri nods in agreement. You bid your farewells and make it home just in time to pick up your therapist’s call- the wonders of telehealth. It’s hard to focus on what your therapist is saying, and she seems to pick up on that.

“I met someone,” You say, suddenly shy. Nemuri is so new, you don’t feel quite comfortable gushing about her yet. “It’s new. We have a date tonight.” There’s not much else to say after that, anyways. After that you’re able to focus just a little bit more, and soon the hour is over, with you promising to tell your therapist all about your date.

There’s still a few hours so you take your time getting ready, trying to find that balance between casual and dressed up. You’ve never felt so nervous for a date before in your life, but then it’s suddenly, somehow, time to leave again.

Nemuri is waiting in front of the shop for you, looking nervous but she lights up when she sees you. You can see a soft glow behind her- the shop is transformed. The door is unlocked, and she mentions something about being friends with the owner again when you lead the pair of you inside.

The main lights are off but there’s fairy lights all over, and the tables pushed out of the way, save for one right in the middle. There’s some take out on it, a Thai place you know you had mentioned earlier today.

“This is all so much,” You gush to Nemuri as you take your seat across from her. She looks perfect, and you tell her as much, just to watch the apples of her cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pink. It’s endearing, really, the way she waits for you to serve yourself, how she just watches you, and talks to you. Conversation flows as easily as the wine you brought, though you’re the only one drinking it.

“I thought I had misread the signs,” You confess. “I thought maybe once again I had a crush on a straight girl.”

“I had the same fears,” Nemuri returns, shaking her head a little, a soft strand of black hair falling around her cheek to frame it perfectly. “I know I can be a little unusual and I thought you were simply being kind.”

“Oh, no, I totally wanna fuck you,” You try to keep your voice a little light, teasing, but it comes out damn near a purr and Nemuri’s eyes widen in response. Now, your tipsy mind thinks, now you’ve definitely over stepped and you’ll be reported, and get fired or sued, and your therapist will be so disappointed and-

“It’s good to know we’re on the same page there.” Her words bring you up short, stopping your anxiety spiral before it can even really begin. Nemuri shifts, her eyes going distant when she looks away from you. “Though there is a slight complication here.”

That sends another pang of worry through you- you’re pretty certain Nemuri is perfect, what could complicate sleeping together? A million different scenarios speed through your head all at once, but for the life of you, you’d never be able to predict the next words that come out of her mouth.

“You see, I’m a ghost.” You’d laugh, but her face is kind and serious and all sorts of heart breaking.

“I’m sorry?” Your manners prevail, and you bite back what you want to say, “You think you’re a ghost?”

“I am, I know I am,” Her words hold a note of finality, so much so that you can’t help the next words out of your own- “Alright, then prove it.”

She looks back at you now, catching your eye with a mischievous grin. She stands, but the chair doesn’t move. Nemuri walks, actually walks, through the table, standing right in your food to bend over and brush her lips against yours. It’s like there’s nothing there, only the hint of coldness, something that sends a harsh shiver down your spine.

“Do you believe me now?” She asks when she pulls away.

“I do,” You answer simply, before everything goes dark and you feel yourself slide out of your chair onto the floor, as Nemuri calls your name.

Your eyes flutter open and Nemuri’s face is so close to yours that if she had breath you would be sharing it. You scramble away from her, kicking the chair as you move, and her face falls.

“You- you’re a gh—” You choke on the word as you sputter, unable to get your mind around it. Ghosts aren’t real, your mind distantly supplies, the wine is drugged, or you’re having a stroke, or you fell asleep on the couch but this isn’t- it can’t be real. Nemuri is still frowning at you, kindness in her eyes like she understands. God, how do you even begin to tell your therapist about this? That the girl you have- had- have a crush on is a ghost?

“I have to go,” The words leave your mouth, body twisting as you grab your bag off the floor and run out the door. You think you hear your name being called but you don’t look back, you don’t stop shaking until you’re home, and the door is locked behind you. Your mind doesn’t stop racing, anxiety making your heartbeat loud in your chest.

There’s a pang of regret but all you can think is why, how, what the fuck? Nemuri is a ghost, she walked through a table and kissed you and you ran away. You had work in the morning but it was so hard to think about going back. Would the shop even look the same now to you now? God, had she died there? Is this why she lingered around it? Were her bones buried under your feet as you made rude middle aged women their overpriced lattes?

That thought is enough to have you running to the bathroom, emptying your stomach into the toilet. You slide to the floor again, pressing your forehead against the cool tile to try and stop your reeling brain. You have no idea how to process this now, electing to simply crawl into bed, deciding to call in sick in the morning.

And you do- you call in sick for two days. You curl up in your blankets, and ignore the world outside. You think about the sad look on Nemuri’s face, and it sends another pang through you every time. It’s hard to think of disappointing her again but where do you go from here?

After two days you can’t justify calling in anymore. Your bills need paid, no matter how many ghosts you think you might want to have sex with. You don’t see her your entire shift either, which makes you a little sad, and that surprises you. You hesitate as long as you can, hoping to see her before you head home, but she never shows.

And for the next week you don’t see Nemuri. You brush it off when your therapist asks after her, and try to write it off as maybe a slight psychological break. But then you see her, sitting in a corner, and you notice how the sunlight goes through her now, like she’s fading, like she’s only ever been halfway there.

You don’t acknowledge her until the end of your shift when you whisper, “Tonight. The same time.” There’s no reply but when you glance back she’s gone.

Your hands shake something terrible when you drive back to work after hours. When you arrive this time there’s no grand set up (and you really should ask Nemuri how she did that!) there’s just the table by the window, the same one you first spoke to her at. You don’t even see Nemuri as you walk in, the lights on just enough for you to see.

“Hello?” Your voice echoes around the open space and then all of a sudden she’s right next to you. Materializing out of thin air like, well, like a ghost.

“You’re here,” The word sticks in her mouth, and you feel the pressure of it on you, compelling you to take a seat. You slump in your seat, eyes widening when Nemuri is just there across from you- only she didn’t walk there. She’s just there. Everywhere. The thought makes you dizzy.

“I figured,” You voice is too quiet, you clear your throat, straightening up in your seat, “I figured talking can’t hurt, right?” Nemuri nods, a little too eager. “I don’t have to solve your murder or anything right?”

“Heavens no!” Nemuri sounds scandalized at the thought which brings you little relief. “I died of old age, quietly, in the apartment above here about twenty years ago.”

“But,” Your mind is still reeling from how old she must be, what year her date of birth is, “Why are you here then?” And from the look on her face she knows you don’t just mean why is she in the coffee shop. She doesn’t look at you when she starts her story.

“My father wasn’t a nice man,” She says, a hard line to her words. “He loved me, please don’t misunderstand that, he loved me in the way fathers love their first daughters, which is to say pining a legacy on my shoulders before I know how to walk. He looked at me and saw future generations, saw grandchildren that might share the color of his eyes, the shape of his mouth.

Unfortunately for him the first time I kissed a boy I knew- I couldn’t love him or any man. I couldn’t love anybody the way I loved the girl next door, my roommate in my first apartment, the lovely barista at the coffee shop. I was… wrong in his eyes. I wasn’t the child he had been promised and that broke something inside of him. He asked me to deny myself, if I wouldn’t have a husband then at least, I should have nobody at all.

And I couldn’t deny him that. I died here. I died alone, with regrets, and one big thing tethering me to this ground we sit on. I wanted a love. I want one kiss, with someone who looked at me and saw me and understood me and loved me so much it didn’t matter that I was wrong in my father’s eyes- because I would always be right in theirs.”

You’re crying by the time Nemuri stops talking. Big, fat, salty tears make their way down your face. Your nose is running too, and with shaky hands you move to wipe your face off with a napkin. You can’t imagine Nemuri’s life the way she described it. Your mother had hugged you tightly when you came out, had set you up with the daughters of friends, had held your hand in hers on her deathbed and told you to love as much as possible.

But Nemuri, sweet and kind and loving, had been denied that because it was the wrong time? The wrong place? The wrong family? It broke your heart to think of decades alone, closing her eyes that final time knowing there was nobody waiting on the other side.

“I’m sorry,” You gasp out, trying to stop yourself from crying more, “I’m so sorry I ran off, I didn’t even give you a chance!”

“You’re giving me a chance now,” Your heart breaks a little more at how kind she still sounds, “And you’re not running. I don’t see fear in your eyes. I see acceptance, and understanding.”

“And love,” You say with some finality. It’s hard not to love someone like Nemuri, and how could you not love her now? She’s laid her soul in front of you, and all you want to do is hold her hand. You reach out, placing yours palm up on the table. She’s hesitant, but then her hand rests in yours and you can feel her- warm and vibrant and alive. She’s solid when you look back up at her. Holding her hand in yours, you move around the table, bringing your face level to hers.

“I love you, Nemuri,” You tell her, watching as tears gather in the corner of her eyes, “And I won’t stop until my dying day.”

When your lips meet hers this time you feel them, the first and best kiss she’ll ever give you, and there’s a soft exhale from her that your greedily swallow down. When your eyes open again she’s gone, but you know that’s okay.

Somewhere, she’s happier.

Your life moves on after that.

It’s weird- you think going back to the coffee shop might feel awkward but it doesn’t. You swear you can hear her laughter in the ringing of the bells over the door, feel her touch as it stops you from burning yourself on something hot. She’s everywhere and nowhere- just the simple, calming presence of an old lover.

You meet a girl, two, three, before the fourth one finally sticks. It doesn’t feel like betrayal, not when your first kiss with her happens because an invisible force pushes you forward and into her arms. Sue, your wife, is lovely and understanding, even when you drag her to a cemetery, and introduce her to a grave holding a person you couldn’t know, given that the gravestone held a death date of when you were five.

She doesn’t question it when she finds you talking aloud sometimes, to thin air, to a person who’s name she’s only even seen on that gravestone. Sue holds you tight on your worst nights and lifts you higher on your best. Every kiss with her is full of life, of love, of a happiness you find yourself thinking you’re sharing with one other person. You give everything you have to Sue, save one little corner of your heart.

You move away, you move on from that small town and everything that held you down there. Your life flourishes out, it’s more than you ever could have dreamed of, your happiness so much that you’re not sure how your heart handles it. Every little victory feels dedicated to her, to the one ghost you’ve never been able to exorcise but that’s okay, more than, because you know Nemuri loves you still, wants you to be happier just for her.

And you know it too, when you close your own eyes for that one final time, and her voice calls to you from somewhere, far off in the distance.

[chaoticminhos]

chained

pairing: seo changbin x reader

genre: smut, halloween !!

warnings: home invasion

word count: 2.7k

a/n: happy halloween my babies!!! enjoy sex demon changbin :)

summary: bombarded with chain messages the night before halloween, y/n expects nothing but her friends being stupid, or maybe some practical joke. what she didn’t expect, however, was for the message to play up to its threats, landing her with a surprise visitor.

you rolled your eyes as the message flashed across your screen for the nth time in just that day alone. nearly a dozen of your friends, and even some people that you wouldn’t call more than an acquaintance, had forwarded the same long, obviously bullshit chain message to you.

“the veil will be thin this halloween. send this message to 10 of your friends to lock in your safety. if you ignore, something bad will happen halloween night.”

it was the same type of shit that got thrown around in middle school and the fact that people still believed these cheesy things was really diminishing your confidence in your college for letting them in.

completely ignoring the message jisung had sent before the chain message asking if you were going to a halloween party the next day, you clicked off your phone. if he made you deal with stupid messages, he could deal with being left on read.

you made your way to your bathroom, setting your phone on the sink and ridding yourself of your clothes. you stepped into the shower, wincing at the cold. curse the cheap apartment for never having enough hot water, but it’s all you could afford.

despite the water being less than warm, you took your time. living in the situation you did, you actually sort of got used to the cold showers, and even liked them sometimes. of course you still wished it wasn’t temperature roulette whenever you needed to take a shower, but at least cold showers weren’t the most terrible things in the world.

eventually, though, your toes started to stiffen and the cold became unbearable. maybe the water heater was more busted than usual or maybe you were just in a cold spell, but either way, you could only handle so much of the ice cold water. even when you semi-enjoy them, a cold shower is only soothing for so long.

you stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel securely around yourself, wrapping your hair in another to dry.

just as you bent down to pick up your dirty clothes from the floor, your phone buzzed on the ceramic of the bathroom counter. you reached for it, pressing the clothes from the floor against your body to hold the towel up with the other arm. unsurprisingly for it being nearly the middle of the night, the name on your phone read jisung, jisung, jisung. no one else was usually up this late on school nights, and when they were, they weren’t texting you. unless it was jisung. as your best friend, he took it as his personal duty to keep you from getting a healthy night of sleep, ever.

you unlocked your phone and went to messages, where you had 5 unread messages from jisung just since you’d been in the shower. clingy, as always.

upon opening the chat, you were met with 5 more messages matching the chain message he’d already sent you. as you were typing a reply and telling him to stop being annoying, another message came through. same person, same words.

with a huff, you deleted the start of the grumpy message you’d been forming and decided you’d stick with leaving him on read. he would get bored eventually. or so you thought.

nearly half an hour passed and you were still getting regular messages from jisung, all the same exact thing, copy and paste. you’d resorted to silencing your phone to avoid the constant vibrations signaling a message, but they kept coming. by now you had well over 30 of the same text from jisung, and you were getting fed up with it.

seeing that ignoring him obviously wasn’t doing what you’d hoped, you wrote a message and hit send.

can you not be a pain in my ass for literally two seconds?

you watched as the message tried to send, only to be stopped by a red error mark.

“message could not be sent. check your network and try again.”

great, so not only were the showers freakishly cold, the wifi decided to play favorites as well, working enough to deliver jisung’s messages to your phone but not allowing you to reply.

you took a deep breath as you sunk into the couch you were sitting on, willing yourself not to explode. your phone lit up in your hand with another message, jisung, of course, and you caught a glimpse of the time on your screen. it only made your bad mood worsen.

it was 10 past midnight, making it officially halloween, and instead of being happy as you should on your favorite holiday, you were busy trying not to walk straight to jisung’s dorm and strangle the ever living fuck out of him.

your phone screen dimmed and shut off. you took a deep breath and decided to follow suit, lifting yourself from the couch and making your way to your bedroom. maybe you just needed some sleep. maybe it was just as funny as jisung seemed to think it was to be spamming you like a middle school girl and you just couldn’t see that through your sleepy grumpiness.

you let your shoulder hit the door, gently pushing it open as you stepped into your bedroom. not bothering to turn a light on, you tripped over something, probably a pile of clothes, arms flinging out to your bed to catch yourself, only you didn’t come in contact with the soft fuzzy feeling of your favorite blanket. instead, your frantic hands were met with another pair on arms. a stronger, really steady, definitely-not-your-roommates-because-you-didn’t-have-one pair of arms, so who the fuck was sitting on your bed?

a scream erupted from your throat before you even had time to process the current situation. you immediately put distance between yourself and the intruder, tripping backwards over the same pile of whatever you had stumbled over in the first place. you fell backwards, luckily not close enough to the wall to have hit your head, and shuffled until your back was flush with the wall.

you watched in shock as the shadow of whoever the fuck had broken into your apartment leaned across the bed and to the table you had beside it, turning the knob on your reading lamp until the room filled with light.

he leaned back into his original position, the only difference from before being that how you could see him. he didn’t look like what you’d have imagined someone breaking into a young girls apartment to look like. he was sporting a bright white t-shirt and black sweats, his hair brushed out of his face. not really the best outfit for someone to avoid detection in.

unless he didn’t want to avoid detection because it didn’t matter if you saw him because he was going to kill you and it didn’t matter if you’d seen his face because you’d be dead and... oh fuck.

the words that left your mouth would have made you cringe at how cliche they sounded if you hadn’t been in fear for your life.

“w-who are you?”

you’d expected anything other than the reaction he had. he cocked his head, a small pout forming on his lips.

“think.”

your jaw moved and you tried to get something coherent to form, but nothing came out.

he chuckled at your reaction, keeping the pout on his lips as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees with his hands intertwined in between them.

“it’s been, what,” he glanced at the alarm clock on your bedside table, “five minutes since the last message and you’ve already forgot?”

your guard fell a little as the confusion of his words set in.

“what messages?”

he rolled his eyes, moving his arms behind him to support his body as he leaned back, and began reciting the message you’d been receiving nonstop for the entire night.

“the veil will be thin this halloween. send this message to 10 of your friends to lock in your safety. if you ignore, something bad will happen halloween night.”

you blinked at him, “i still don’t understand.”

he stood from your bed and began towards you. you knew that you should run, hit him, make a grab for your phone, anything, but you were frozen. you watched with wide eyes as he crouched down right in front of you, his knees touching yours, which were pulled up against your chest.

“it says something bad would happen.” he raised his hand for you to shake, “so hello, i’m something bad.”

when you didn’t take it, he sighed and let his hand fall to rest on your leg. your eyes snapped to his hand on your knee.

“of course,” he let his hand slide down from your knee and onto your thigh, “i don’t have to be a bad thing.”

your head was clouded and the only processable thought going through it was how warm his hand felt against your thigh. you knew that logically you should have done anything to get him to stop touching you, he was a fucking home intruder for gods sake, but you honestly didn’t want to. every moment he was near you, you felt the initial fear in your body melt into wanting.

he cocked his head, “i won’t even hurt you.” he raised an eyebrow, “unless you want me to.”

his eyes trailed up from his hand on your thigh and across your torso until he locked his gaze with yours. a smirk grew on his lips at how compliant you were being. he raised his free hand to your other leg and gently pushed your legs from against your body until he could fit himself in between them, leaning forward so his lips were only inches from yours.

if he’d doubted for any second that you didn’t want him, the way your legs trapped him close to you and your eyes were locked to his lips wiped it all away.

surprising him, you were the one to close the gap between you two, pressing your lips roughly to his.

he hummed into the kiss, bringing a hand up to cup your face while the other remained rested on your thigh.

he took your bottom lip between his teeth and you greedily accepted his request, letting him deepen the kiss. it only lasted a moment before he broke it off, grabbing your arms and helping you stand. he gestured towards the bed, and you me legs took you there before you could even really process what he was asking.

you sat on the edge of the bed patiently, eyes locked to his back as he pulled his shirt over his head. as much as you could have stated at his muscular back for ages, a rush went through you when he turned around. you let him lean down and gently kiss you before manhandling you until you were laying on your back in the middle of the bed.

you gladly opened your legs and let him place himself between them, crawling over you and reconnecting your lips once again. one arm kept him stable above you as the other trailed its way down your body, sneaking under your shirt and up your back to unclip your bra. you whined as he took his lips off from yours to lift you up and pull your shirt and bra over your shoulders, but he quieted you with his lips back on yours as soon as the clothing was out of the way.

a soft moan passed your lips as he trailed wet kisses down your jaw and to your neck, softly nipping at the sensitive skin. he continued his path down your body and to your chest, taking your nipple in his lips while his other hand came up to tease the other. you’d never been someone who got very worked up from having your nipples touched, but something about the way changbin did literally anything to you made you squirm. he continued to trail kisses along your stomach until he reached the waistband of your pants, his hand leaving your chest to hook around the waistband. you lifted your hips and he easily slid your pants and underwear to your feet where you kicked them off, leaving you completely nude under him.

he bit his lip as he scanned your naked body, completely on display for him. the fact that he’d managed to get you on this position for him just minutes after introducing himself to you made him throb in his jeans. he knew you’d give in to him eventually, it wasn’t possible for a human to deny his aura, but you’d given in right away. maybe you’d have given in to him even if he didn’t have a seductive aura, and the thought of you being attracted to him for reasons other than the fact that everyone was turned him on beyond belief.

he could have sat there between your legs and admired you for the entire night, but the impatient whine that left your mouth told him you wouldn’t be too happy with that idea. instead, he leaned back on his heels and undid his pants, pulling them down enough to finally release himself from the constraints of his underwear.

there really wasn’t an aspect of this man that wasn’t perfect, it seemed. he gave himself a few slow strokes, groaning at the long awaited stimulation. his hands returned to your hips and drifted towards your heat only to be stopped by your hand grabbing his wrist.

“i don’t need prep, just please fuck me.”

he caught a groan in his throat and replaced it with words, “say that again.”

you hooked your legs around him and pulled him close to you, close enough to make the head of his cock brush gently against your wetness.

“fuck me, changbin. i need you.”

how was it that he, the sex demon, seemed to be under a trance by you, a mere human? he didn’t question it, just immediately listening to you and lining himself up with your entrance, slowly sinking in.

you tried to keep your eyes open, you wanted to watch the pretty faces he was making as he sunk into you. you succeeded for a while, but when he gave the first harsh thrust, hitting you right in the sweet spot on his first try, you couldn’t help but screw your eyes shut and let out a borderline scream of pleasure. he was doing you so well, you thought maybe he was made for this.

it honestly surprised you how long you lasted with every single move of his hips being aimed at the exact correct spot. with a few particular violent rolls of his hips and his expert hands on your clit, you had the most overwhelming orgasm you’d ever experienced. you caged your legs around him, moaning a mantra of curses and his name. you felt him full you up and you could have swore that the feeling mixed with the unholy noises he let out could have made you cum again just from that if he hadn’t worn you out so hard from just one round.

he gently pulled out if you, cooing at you while you whined at the overstimulation. he fell down on the bed next to you and turned to face you.

“i made a good choice.”

you cocked an eyebrow, “what? breaking into my house and seducing me?”

he chuckled, “i didn’t break in. you let me in when you didn’t answer a single message i sent you.”

“that’s not even good logic.”

he shrugged, moving the bed a bit. “it’s clear in the rules i wrote.”

“yeah, okay.” you gave him a skeptical look. “how did you even get jisung in on this? he usually prefers to terrorize me alone.”

“didn’t need him to know about it. i don’t think his phone even registered the texts. they’re only on your end, if i did it correctly.”

you raised an eyebrow, “you some kind of hacker?”

he smiled, looking over at the bedside lamp and turning it off without ever touching it, not that you noticed.

“something like that.”

[marimo-o]

ok so im making a long ass post about Abzu (the game) within the context of mesopotamian mythology because I'm insane. It's gonna be a doozy and likely incomprehensible so <3 below the cut it goes! There's gonna be TONS of spoilers for the game, and, like, I guess for the mesopotamian creation epic, so. Play Abzu if you haven't and if you wanna read the Enuma Elish that's also cool. Good for u

(a note from afterwards: it's long. like, REALLY fucking long, holy shit. if you actually want to read the whole thing, be. prepared or something idk take breaks! the last two paragraphs (i know they're walls of text pls bear with me) contain most of the important information. like, the final hurrah of my brain after working on this for multiple hours! So if u wanna save time and avoid some of the redundancy, just skip to those last two <3)

So "Abzu" referred to two things; the fresh water people got from underground aquifers (also as the void-sea which was underneath the Sumerian underworld, Kur), and the deity; he only appeared in the creation story, Enuma Elish, because a big part of that whole thing was that oh no! He dies! And that's also a thing I'm gonna touch on (sorry about the lack of accent marks in advance, it's not available on my current keyboard^ ^;)

I'm gonna start off with a brief tale of what happened with Abzu the deity, and then move onto how both the deity and the concept relate to the game!

So like I mentioned, Abzu the deity only really appears in the creation myth. The story goes that the Primordial Soup divided into two beings, with Abzu representing the freshwater and Tiamat being the saltwater. They were married, and together birthed some of the first formative gods! Some of these gods, jealous of Abzu's power convinced Tiamat to kill him (or, I thought it was started by Tiamat growing resentful of the younger gods, one of those). Either way, Abzu was killed, and Tiamat ended up lashing out, creating the first "dragons", or perhaps becoming one herself; with "poison instead of blood". She is killed by Marduk, the god of storms and the child of Enki (one of the first gods created by Abzu and Tiamat), and from her body the heavens and the earth are formed. Imagine getting killed by ur grandson lol cringe /j

Now! The waters itself! This also brings Enki into the equation, who kinda took over as god of the waters in place of his dead father. He's also the god of creation, intelligence, crafts, mischief, and more! Very important guy.

Abzu refers to both the groundwater reservoirs that people depended on for both accessible clean water and for some agricultural work, and also to the void-sea beneath the underworld, where it is said that Enki rests. He had a temple at Eridu, a now-ruined city, and I remember hearing somewhere that he lived in a temple in an underground aquifer? But I can't find wherever I read that anymore so don't take my word for it. Anyway, the basics of Enki as a deity is: child of Tiamat and Abzu, widely worshipped in his time, god of the waters, generally a cool and important dude.

And now. Finally. We move onto the game. My head hurts.

So, for a quick (post-writing: lol it's not quick) overview of the game; you play as a funny little diver, who woke up in the middle of the ocean and, as the player, are given no clues as to who or what you are. You explore through the ocean levels peacefully at first, and with the guidance of a scarred shark (painted as a bit of an antagonist at first with the audio cues) you make your way to wells at the bottom-center of each level that revitalize the space around them; as they progress, many levels start out as barren, empty landscapes that give you a foreboding, nervous feeling going in, before using an energy from yourself to rekindle the life. Huge coral growths, seaweed, and a myriad of ocean animals spring to life. The player character can also ride on the sides of the bigger ones! The game also puts a big stress on unity between yourself and the environment; there's not a whole lot you can physically interact with, but you can play with the animals there and, like I said before, ride on some of the larger animals. There are also "meditation spots", statues where you can sit and explore the wildlife from more of their point of view, able to follow them seamlessly and see what the different kinds of fish and such are called. It's a calming experience, and really the most interaction you get with some of the more timid animals, letting you still see them up close even if you can't get there as the player character.

The story of the game is told via writings on the walls, which you can light up and access by solving small puzzles regarding connecting reservoirs of glowing waters, similar to that of the almost cosmic area you go to between levels; one thing I read described it as a kind of "rebirth area", which I can definitely see hehe!

At the end of the game, you've held the shark in its dying moments, you've discovered a strange factory that builds the weird triangular prisms that deliver anything that touches them a shock, the little flashlight dudes that you've found over the levels, and little divers that uncannily resemble yourself, and you've seen yourself disassembled to your funny little mechanical skeleton, weak and slow as you try to walk on land, before you are rebirthed from the void-cosmic-water area once again, fully yourself. There's a wonderful ending sequence where you swim through all these rivers, bringing life with you as you go, with the shark once again by your side. The whole game, you saw no land when you poked your head above water, just miles and miles of water, but you've travelled far enough to reach a reservoir. You cut the chains to a central triangular prism, and it grows over with moss. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it, really, it feels like such a... grand gesture as you play through it. It feels personal.

Okay. Theory time. Finally, we're getting into the meat of it. Fucking hell.

So, imagine that you are this being. You're wandering an oceanic wonderland, observing and caring for what you need to, doing as any good little diver should. After a bit of poking around, you discover the start of the engravings on the walls; they tell the story of the people that were here before you, who built these temples and halls and used, or at least stored, the strange blue glowing "water" that you connect and move. It's a water of life, of sorts, one that they truly valued. You come to an impasse between areas, and this massive, scarred-up shark cuts in front of you. You're gonna stay hidden, that thing is terrifying! You try not to move. It doesn't spot you, or at least doesn't move to attack you. However, once it's safely out of view, you do follow it, and it leads you to a dark, desolate, empty chamber. This is wrong, you think to yourself. This isn't how it should be. There's a well, towards the bottom, and you approach it, taking... a fragment of light, from your chest, and imbuing that spark of life into the well. And, lo and behold, that intuition proved helpful, because the world around you springs back to life. Congratulations! You did it! And you continue to, as you work past puzzles and challenges and the appearance of these strange triangular mechanisms, that shock you when you get too close. These people worshipped a shark, as well, likely the same as the one you saw; the guide, now old and scarred, that brings you to where that spark is needed. Even later in the game, you see depictions of the triangular mechanisms, at first heralded as a positive, before these things are found to be the reason for this society's collapse. As if that wasn't perplexing enough, you see a depiction of a being that appears suspiciously similar to yourself, once again treated with reverence from the past civilization. In their hand is a ball of light, similar to the one shown when you revitalize the oceanic chambers. Well, that's certainly odd, you think to yourself. Perhaps this was a being that postponed the death of the civilization, or first allowed for those small chambers of life to exist in captivity instead of the open, natural landscapes you explored at the start. Regardless, it's now a relic of something long gone; but it still gives you something to think about. Later on, that strange coincidence of your similarities to that person are explained; you find a manufacturing plant, full of the vicious triangular mechanisms in each tight hallway, and right at the center of it all... multiple iterations of yourself, running down an assembly line, a spark not unlike what you saw before imbued into each of them. My, look at that; you've been responsible for part of this destruction all along, haven't you? Borne from that same ill that has been forcibly removing that spark from each of the places you've gone to. A bit inconsiderate of you, no? And yet... look at all the good you've done. You've rebirthed, revitalized, purified these ocean fragments, is that not enough? You are the keeper of these waters, regardless of the evil you had come from, despite the terrifying empty things may have reverted to. You, who trusted and followed the shark that seemed so scary at first. You, who followed it as it tried to attack a source of the evil, of the thing that was draining the oceans of their life. You, who held and comforted that shark as it lay dying, despite any fear you may have had. You, who attempted to traverse a minefield of those triangular machines, shocked over and over again and at the final moment, unable to make it to the finish line. You, who was rebirthed in full regardless by the oceans you'd cared for, by the void-sea you always returned to, to rest. You, who traversed a now-ruined citadel, temple, all of which had been flooded and had been dedicated to you. You, who brought life with you.

I hope you see what I'm getting at here. You're serving as a figure not unlike Enki, god and guardian of the waters. In the wake of Abzu, the avatar of the fresh waters, now confined to irrigation canals so as not to kill the younger gods, Tiamat lashes out. Her husband is dead, as far as she is concerned, and she goes to those younger gods to seek her revenge. The dragon, that which sucked the life from the seas and poisoned the waters. That which Marduk killed, to carve new life from. I would say that the shark is Marduk, even; given how the shark is the only one who is openly on the offense to those mechanisms, and who comes in at the endgame to finish them off, bringing new life with it. Even in how it all shapes up with the civilization before, in connection to the constructs; Tiamat was the mother of all in existence at that time. She was surely loved; but she turned hostile and violent. She could no longer be safely loved. And Abzu, both the glowing water we use to open doors and the light that we hold and the deep void-sea we enter between levels and father to all in existence, he was confined to small canals and reservoirs and put in a deep sleep so that he would not kill his own children. And by you, no less. Enki put him there. That is why you can use that water from the start; you lived in the Abzu, you came from it, and each time, that is where you return. That temple, now submerged and decrepit, is Eridu; the place where Enki was most worshipped. The other diver clones are the other gods, or perhaps the "dragons", now, that Tiamat had mothered. The smaller prisms definitely count in that "dragon" category; purely harmful beings that seek to destroy life. And in the end, indeed, you restore life; you and your son, upon killing Tiamat, return life to the world from her body. Perhaps you could not save those who once worshipped you, perhaps those structures will forever be in ruin. But there is no more danger, now; there is space to build and replenish. There is space to grow.

Fuck ok that was long as hell. Hi if u made it this far i love u. god fucking damn im never writing anything again after this. it took about as long as a full playthrough of the game, coincidentally!!

[sickficsies-and-whumpsies]

Diff person- bUT I really loved how you write the sick inumaki!! I wonder can I ask abt the second years but as the first year where it is their first time dealing w/ inumaki injured throat? And he also got a bad fever and fatigue as a side effects. Thank you!

Aw, thank you, you're so kind!!

TW: blood & injury, suffocation, fever.

1.1k words, Gen.

ーーー

If Cursed Speech worked on himself, Inumaki would definitely use it now. He'd force himself to stop, to leave it to the others or engage hand-to-hand combat. Instead, command after command, he fights on, restless, determined to get the job done with minimal damage to his surroundingsー a small but populous neighbourhood near the hillsー and to the citizens.

Maki and Panda are not far, busy fighting against a horde of minor cursed spirits that must be stopped nonetheless.

But the one in front of him doesn't relent. Which doesn't make sense. Inumaki's ability has never failed to hit the target, not once, it has never slipped out of control. He curses under his breath, mouth filled with copper as he spits some onto the pavement. 

His vision is tunneling, swirling horribly, whole body shaking as Inumaki's grip onto consciousness is rapidly fading, weak, the tether thin. He doesn't, not yet.

Distant, his friends' voices call out his name, distracting the spirit with their presence. The young sorcerer takes advantage of the split second of confusion and lunges at the threat, grabbing at its head, nails sinking into the muddled skin, the creature's anthropomorphic body lanky but so very strong, much stronger than him, physically at least.

The cursed spirit futilely tries to wiggle out of the teen's vice grip, but there's only so much it can do when Inumaki all but smashes his forehead against the spirit's.

"Explode!!" he yells, crimson pooling in his mouth, choking him.

He lets go of the thing, taking a couple of tentative steps back before he trips and falls, back colliding with the floor, hard.

Chunks of dead meat fall from the sky, and he realises that at least his last attempt was not to no avail. His relief is short-lived when Inumaki comes to the painful, chilling realisation that he can't breathe.

He coughs and sputters, eyes wide and glassy, his lips tinged in blue and red as he desperately makes an effort to roll over, failing at the task.

He feels like he's drowning. He's fairly sure he is, actually. He chokes, sputtering, face up as tiny specks of his own blood get spat at the sky and fall back onto his ashen, cold face. Lilac eyes shift out of focus, the sky fading out, pale orange clouds melting in the endless emptiness above him, one last glance at them before he gets dragged down into the void.

It doesn't last.

Vertigo claws at his guts as his whole body is propped into a sitting position, strong hands hitting his back and making a sliding movement from the bottom of his spine to the base of his neck, repeatedly.

And Inumaki heaves rivers of thick blood trickling out of his respiratory system and onto his own uniform pants. Voices fill his ears, but the boy doesn't quite remember how to function now, how hearing noises and understanding their meaning is connected, how it must be processed.

He vomits the blood, already-pale complexion grey, skin damp and clammy. 

It's only an eternity later, or what feels like it, that whatever has gotten ahold of him lays him down, onto his side. Inumaki pants, breathing through his mouth, his lungs on fire, drained. 

"...ge, Toge!! Hang in there, okay? We called Gojou-sensei, he'll be here soon. Alright, buddy?" 

Inumaki lets his gaze shift, squinting. He coughs, harsh, immediately hissing at the pain. His throat stings.

Warm tears trail down his cold face and onto the blood-stained floor, but he blames the overexertion. Definitely not the near-death experience taking a toll on him.

"Can you sign?" Maki asks, crouching next to Panda, in front of Inumaki, "It's okay if you can't, or don't want to. Focus on breathing." she adds, softer.

"I can." the movements are clipped, shaky, "I'm okay. My throat is injured. It's my ability's fault."

"Oh. Is this... an ordinary occurrence?"

"Yes. It will heal. I'm tired."

"So you're sure you're not bleeding internally?" Panda frets, facial features scrunched up in worry.

"I'm sure. It's my throat. I'm sleepy."

Maki and Panda exchange a few hushered words, and Inumaki decides to let himself drift.

ー

"Oh. You're up."

He glances around, confusion washing over him. Inumaki's in his own room, in his own bed, in his own pajamas, too. Hastily, he sits up, chest tight in panic.

The world tilts and swirls horribly around him, and a pair of strong hands push him down onto the thick pillows.

"Idiot, don't. You're running a high fever, and the painkillers are bound to make you feel dizzy. Lie down." 

Inumaki takes a deep, steadying breath, then another. Maki's blurry form is sitting on the edge of his bed, her hand stretched out to fix the cold patch on his foreheadー he hadn't noticed it upon waking up, which, he realises, is probably a good, reliable indicator of how out of it he is.

"Fever?" he signs, eyebrows arched in confusion.

She nods. "39,7°C last time I checked. You also did a number on your throat, and Ieiri-sensei prescribed you enough painkillers and lenitive syrups to take out a horse."

Maki then gets up, getting closer to him. She adjusts the pillows so that her friend is sitting up a bit more, and hands him a glass of cold water.

Inumaki takes it gladly, but when he gulps down the water he realises that it tastes like copper, he cringes, setting the half-full glass down. A hand absentmindedly shoots up, fingers brushing against his throat, almost scared to make contact with his own skin.

"...I'm sorry." 

"And you should be." Panda's voice comes from the door, and he steps in, holding a transparent bag filled with yoghurts and jelly packets. He lets it fall. "Why didn't you warn us!? Why didn't you tell us aboutー whatever that was!?"

He hesitates, eyes low. "I don't know." 

After a second, he raises his hands again, still shaky. "I never thought I'd have to go that far. I'm sorry."

"It was really fucking scary to watch you puke blood, man." Panda pushes, "I thought you'd died. You almost choked to death on your own blood!!"

"Panda." Maki's stern voice leaves no place for arguments. She returns her gaze to Inumaki, "Panda is right, it was scary to watch. But... I think it was scarier for you. So, we will talk about it once you're ready and well. Right now, all you need to focus on is recovering your strengths."

She pauses, shooting a knowing look at Panda. The Cursed Corpse hums.

"We're... glad you're okay."

"Yes, we are."

Inumaki smiles. He feels like he's floating, body light, head empty, filled with clouds, aware that he will have the chance to see them again.

ーーー

Let me know what you think of this, please!! Also, if you have ao3 and want this fic to be gifted to you, let me know.

September 5, 2021.

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[razorblade180]

Interdimensional Moms: part 1

Intro <-

Yang:So how we doin this? Drawing straws or... well we actually don’t have straws here so-

Weiss:It’s obvious that you wanna go first.

Blake:Extremely obvious.

Ruby:All over your face.

Yang:Hey now, don’t call me out like that! We all have so much to sort out here. I don’t even know where to begin. Differences could start and stop anywhere for all we really know.

Blake:From what it seems, Beacon itself would have one or two minor changes, but the real changes start after the fall. At least, for you three that is.

Weiss:You saying you’re different?

Blake:Unless you three started going on dates with Jaune at Beacon, then yes, I’m different.

RWY:(They’ve been together that long!?)

Yang:Okay, starting from Beacon...nothing really stands out too much. Jaune and I were just friends. *cringes* Back then, a certain faunus caught my eye.

Blake:Ah...right. I guess that tracks in practically every universe.

RW:Oh yeah it does. You two are joined at the hip.

Yang:Haha, really? Glad to hear it. My Blake and I are best buds! Remnant has never seen such a dynamic duo! Can’t say it didn’t take a lot of time effort after a rough patch. We actually dated in my world.

Blake:Same.

Yang:What!? How long?

Blake:I don’t know, it was pretty on again off again.

Yang:Well for me it was after Haven. Both of us had gotten pretty serious. All the growing we’ve done together and apart had brought us closer. However, Adam unintentionally put a wedge between us. His attempt to change and the problems that came with it were-

Yang stopped midway and saw the confused faces of her otherworldly teammates. They were shocked, confused even. Especially Blake, who looked the most shocked of all.

Yang:Umm did I say something odd?

Blake:Adam, he...isn’t dead?

Yang:Oh, well I guess that’s the start of the major changes then. Blake and I fought Adam at Argus. Stabbed him through the chest and watched him fall down rocks into a river.

Ruby:That lines you with my world. Dude died that day. Like any normal person should.

Yang:Well Adam is anything but fucking normal. Man has the craziest luck. A young women, the winter maiden in fact, she saved his life. She’s not exactly normal either. The maiden, Jacquelyn, ended up sticking by him to see if she could change his ways. This naturally meant we’d run into them again. And that’s how things fell apart.

Blake:What do you mean?

Yang:You were fully committed to seeing if Adam could actually change. I wasn’t, so we constantly butted heads in any situation involving him. Then we would fight about things that had nothing to do with at all. Eventually, we broke it off. We remained on decent terms but I was pretty heartbroken about the disconnect. Enter our lovable blonde idiot. Jaune did everything in his power to cheer me up.

Weiss:Sounds like him. Always such a bleeding heart. That boy just can’t help himself. Let me guess, his kindness and concern made you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Yang:Hehe, guilty. It was more of his willingness to laugh at my puns. Jaune’s always been interesting to talk to. He tries to act cool and calm even though he’s terrible at it, then comes clean right after. Before I knew it I was telling him things I hadn’t talked about with people before. I could tell he looked at me like most guys do, but also genuinely wanted to listen to me. Talk about playing unfair; he got defenseless. Suddenly I was smiling again. Anytime with him was time well spent. Then one day, I kissed him.

Ruby:Happily ever after?

Yang:Not even close! Hahaha!

Weiss:Why do you sound proud?

Yang:It’s funny looking back at it to a certain degree. Gods, I was such a brat. More than a few fights are on me. Between Blake, Raven, and other experiences, my insecurities flared up in ugly ways over nothing. It even got us to break up too. I was officially done with dating. My Ruby was out in an uncomfortable position.

Ruby:I bet! I’d never want you two fighting. Especially in my world. Picking between the person I love and my sister!? I don’t know what will happen.

Yang:I kinda do. *sets up* You’d start dating Jaune because you’ve looked at him since Beacon. The two of you would confide in each other and share a special kind of love, but it would be bittersweet. All because your sister still pines for him and never met to make him leave, and Jaune never says it, but he hates how things fell apart. He’s faithful to you and would never do you wrong, a guy to truly cherish. So... you let him go. Watch him walk back to your sister like you asked, because my happiness was worth that much to you.

Ruby:....

Yang: In my world at least. Honestly it’s still the most amazing thing I’ve seen you do. We must’ve cried over that conversation for hours. I felt so guilty and you only smiled, hugging me tight. Jaune and I had a few more stumbles. Nothing serious though. Eventually we moved in together when the world was saved. You and Oscar got together officially which made me happy. Even made our weddings a competition of who’d make dad bawl his eyes out the most. You won by the way; Raven came back into our family and into dad’s arms. Last but not least I had a baby. Yujin Xiao Long, my fucking pride and joy from above.

Weiss:Wow, that’s a lot.

Blake:What am I doing? Did I marry Sun?

Yang:Yep. You and blondes Blake, I tell ya.

Weiss:Hold the phone! Who am I with!?

Yang:Pretty sure you’re technically single. Buuuut, Neo and your have gotten pretty friendly from what I managed to interrogate out of you.

Weiss:That’s, highly unexpected. For a number of reasons.

Yang:Better believe it. Besides Cinder, a few crazies, and Salem, a few people made something of themselves. Dying sucks after all.

Ruby:You have a dead Cinder?

WBY: You don’t?

Ruby:*crosses arms* Hmph, I’ll wait my turn. Yang, you said you’re the only mother from our team. If Blake and I have been married for quite some time then what, we don’t want kids?

The joyful sunshine from Yang slipped into grayer skies. Her smile faded and it increasingly got harder to look at this Ruby without thinking of her own.

Yang:Are you sure that’s something you wanna know? I’ll tell you, but I didn’t want to bring down the mood with the problems where I from.

Blake:Problems? How big of a problem.

Yang:The biggest we’ve faced. It’s...a lot.

Ruby:Well we’ve listened this far. *takes hand* Lay it on us.

Yang:Pfft, oh boy. So...umm...another secret war came up. One that caused us to leave our friends and family for over a decade.

Weiss:A decade!?

Blake:What gets worse after Salem!? Who tries anything after a grimm queen!?

Yang:So a majority of Remnant was still unaware of her, but a fight like that can only be kept under wraps so tightly. Plenty of people still learned fractions of the truth. A few of those people weren’t exactly nice guys. They idolized her efforts and became her followers that wanted to keep her will alive, starting with taking revenge on the people who defeated her. We were so unaware. So caught up in normalcy. They ambushed us, and I mean everyone. We...we didn’t come out unscathed. Ren was crippled badly. Weiss, you almost your brother. Jaune’s family got hit but thankfully lived. The real casualties were aimed to hurt Ruby.

Ruby:Oh, of course. S-So, either you’re about to say I had no time to start a family, or...

Yang:...

Yang:When I tell you the look you made when you learned what happened to Oscar, to Qrow... that’s the moment it felt like my little sister left forever. Till this day you don’t smile like you used to. Very recently, now that it’s finally over, you’ve started looking better, but those ten years were hell. We choose to go out and fight again, avoiding contact with family. I haven’t had a real opportunity to be in my daughters life.

Ruby:How old is she?

Yang:Sixteen soon. Left her when she was four so you know. *tearing up* I missed everything. Just about anyways. Ironically it was Raven and Adam that helped her through the years with Jaune and Dad. Eventually we came back and ooohh boy was Yujin not thrilled in the slightest. Hehehe. Her right hook is really strong. I only had about a week with her before things got complicated again. *wipes eyes* But it’s okay. We left on good term. Something I definitely don’t feel like I deserve.

Blake:I can’t believe a thing like that would be possible.

Yang:Cults are a huge problem in Remnant now. You’re definitely aware of that. You actually oversee a little group from the shadows to deal with them in secret. An idea you got from experience. Adam works for you and everything. Hate to admit, but he’s become the guy you wanted him to be. Even has a family. I’m grateful to him. He personally kept my girl safe.

Blake:To think I’d hear you say that. Now I know this isn’t my world.

Yang:Don’t get me wrong, I still will hit him if given the chance. My life hasn’t been charmed and sacrifices too great were happening way too many times but it finally has gotten to a point where everyone feels like we’re taking steps towards a better future.

Weiss:Moving forward?

Yang:Yes, I was trying to avoid the phrase but yes Weiss, we’re moving forward. Still... *looks at Ruby*....

Ruby:W-What?

Yang:It’s unreal seeing you like this. My Ruby has become so strong and endured but hasn’t really picked herself up completely. All her tragedy stemmed from the loss of Oscar and Qrow; her last talk with Oscar was fight about kids too. That’s the entire reason she went off alone in the first place. Looking at you I can’t help but question my own choices. If...I just let her stay with Jaune, then maybe-

Ruby:Nope.

Yang:Huh?

Ruby:Look, if I know anything about your world, then it’s gonna be me and I can tell you without a doubt your Ruby doesn’t blame or would consider her own happiness without you. She loved you enough to take the chance to find love again. You really think there’s anything you could’ve done differently at that point. That girl is as stubborn as they come! *smiles* So buck up cowgirl. You deserve it.

A sense of warmth came over Yang as she heard those words. This other Ruby smiled at her with the same love as her own; completely caring about Yang’s feeling before her own. Yang felt so...unburdened. She couldn’t help but cry a little, laughing softly as she did. Who would’ve thought love could transcend worlds? It was so vindicating, therapeutic even.

Yang:Ruby, you’re something else entirely, you know that?

Ruby:It’s my curse. All I ever wanted was normal knees but the world said “no, special eyes!”

Yang:Well I guess I should thank the world then?

Weiss:You said your Ruby is getting better? That’s good. Still, it must be pretty weird looking at Jaune. Can’t imagine how lonely it must feel losing a love twice.

Blake:It never numbs.

Yang:Geez you two, lighten up. We can’t all be depressed. Ruby also didn’t lose Jaune. Actually....there may or may not have been an interesting...arrangement for a brief period of time.

Ruby:Ehhh what?

Yang:Hehehe well, hahaha, ummmm a decade is a very long time without feeling any kind of pleasure in a bleak situation. And you know me, I have to share things with you all my life.

Ruby:OH MY GOD!!!

Blake:*grinning* Yooooo! You loaned out Jaune!?

Weiss:That’s....accurate; in a lot of ways.

Ruby:That’s so scandalous! How could you!?

Yang:I didn’t force it! I gave the option, you said no, then you changed your mind because things got real stressful. Like come on, a decade of death and loneliness.

Ruby:Sigh...yeah. I can see it. Still, it’s so filthy. He’s a married man. What, so I’d just look at you and say “Yang I’m gonna sleep with Jaune, don’t come in the room.”

Yang:....

Ruby:What?

Yang:....Nothing.

Ruby:Bullshit! What is it!?

Yang:*scratches head* Well, I was lonely too, and a week is only so long-

Weiss:Oh so it was a group thing!!?

Ruby:WHAT!?

Yang:Only sometimes!

Ruby:SOMETIMES!?

Blake:HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! THAT IS AMAZING!

Ruby:Why are you laughing!?

Blake:Because that’s just so extreme, and not, all at the same time. I could totally see that happening.

Weiss:Same. Dang, Jaune slept with sisters. That’s dangerously close to being like your dad.

Ruby:That’s different!

Blake:Is it though?

Yang:Eh, I don’t see the problem. We’re all grown and make choices. Plus I’m the one who guided you through awkward teenage changes. It not like we didn’t share a room for years.

Ruby:That doesn’t make it okay.

Yang:Eh debatable.

Ruby:*red* It isn’t though! How could I do something so bold!? So taboo!?

Weiss:It isn’t like you’re the one who did it. Just a version of you.

Ruby:Not better!

Yang:Awwww it’s okay Ruby. Let’s hug it out. Hehehe *opens arms*

Ruby:Don’t touch me!

Weiss and Blake laugh until their sides hurt as Ruby tries escaping the bear hug that terrorized her. Yang’s world found interesting for sure. Weiss finally decides to help Ruby out.

Weiss:Got a picture of Yujin?

Yang’s eyes lit up and pulled out her scroll. Her team huddled around her and collectively cooed like that parents they are at the sight of a blonde young girl with gorgeous blue eyes with a black combat school graduation cap and gown and a certificate proudly raised up high. If it wasn’t for those eyes and shoulders length hair, they might’ve mistaken her for Yang.

Yang:She’s going to Beacon early because she’s fucking awesome like her mom.

Ruby:I think you mean her aunt?

Yang:I know what I said.

Weiss:I bet she’s just as hardheaded.

Blake:What do you think your kid is up to right now?

Yang: Well...*smiles*

xxxx

The girl in question sat at a work bench with oil on her face and her hands busy tinkering with gauntlets. She looked over at blueprints in a journal. If they were right, then she was definitely doing something wrong. How her mother made something so complex was crazy!

Yujin:Come on Yujin. You can fix a car, making gauntlets into a sword that don’t break should be easy!

Footsteps came up from behind her and a plate stacked with sandwiches. She looked up and smiled at her dad that gave her a wink, then kissed her forehead.

Jaune:Haveing fun, you grease monkey.

Yujin:Jokes on you, I like monkeys. Just a few more attempts and I’ll have the coolest weapon in Remnant. That entrance exam is as good as aced.

Jaune:Not if you don’t have a landing strategy. Tomorrow we’re going on a trip.

Yujin:Does it happen to be near a cliff?

Jaune:Who can say? Rule one of being a huntsman, be prepared for everything.

He ruffled her hair and left, laughing evilly. Yujin could tell he’s been waiting for this day. She pulled out her scroll and searched through a collection of videos labeled “mom” and found a super early one. She hit play and watched her mother give a peace sign to the camera as trees increasingly got closer from below.

Yang:Beacon rules!!!! Wooohooo!

The camera flipped and focused on a familiar blonde flailing through the air like a doll in the distance.

Yang:Oof, hate to be that guy! Wait, that’s vomit boy! Hahah, hope he survives. He owes me shoes. Poor dude. I guess he needs more training in flirting and landing. Wait, eugh I think he barfed again! Hahaha!

Jaune:Stop watching that one!!!!

Yujin:Hahaha but it’s the best one. The ending is priceless.

Jaune: *walks back down*

Yang:Well if he survives this I guess I can off him at least I can offer him mints and company. Fake it to ya make Jaune. Between me and Ruby, at least you’ll look like a player. Heh, nah, I don’t think I can support a bunny onesie.

Yujin and Jaune:*grinning* And then she did! *high-fives* Arc charm, baby!

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

77 Minutes | Five Hargreeves

✦ pairing — Five Hargreeves x Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 1.7k

✦ summary — you’re not having a good day — Five isn’t either and things only seem to be getting worse.

✦ warnings — spoilers for season 2, some angst, mentions of blood and violence, mentions of death, language, a little bit of fluff.

════════════════════════

You were having a bad week, and that day only proved that it would get worse if you didn’t find a solution quickly.

Luther and Diego had been in the middle of threatening to kill a lady through the phone when you arrived, Elliot was dead, you didn’t know where Five was, and you were on a time limit to save the world.

There was also the fact that you hated your temporary job, but that was a petty complaint. People were the worst, honestly, you were still getting used to being around them after years only around Five.

Five sadly stared at Elliot, covering him with the sheet Luther had draped over him again.

“Are you okay?” he asked you, eyes analyzing your face and body in search for injuries.

“I wasn’t here when it happened,” you assured him, observing the curling and uncurling of his blood-stained fingers around the handle of the briefcase he was carrying.

Unfazed by the familiar sight before you, slightly bothered by the fact that taking blood off white clothes had never Five’s most developed skill, you rummaged through the belongings you had bought hours ago.

He stored the briefcase in a safe spot, immediately trying to shimmy his blazer off.

Walking into the bathroom as Diego and Luther questioned him, he gave you a thankful nod when the clean shirt caught his attention.

It wasn’t like you could blame them for being shocked by the sight of Five covered in blood, but you didn’t want to partake in the interrogatory. You knew better. They should have known better, too.

“Five,” Luther pressed, “what did you do?”

Five cursed, shaky hands worsening the red splotches on his shirt as he tried to take his vest off.

You gently removed his hands, helping him to slide the item off and dropping it to the side.

He grunted in acknowledgment, not in the mood to anger you by ignoring your actions. As attractive as he found your angry version, he was tired.

He made a motion with his finger for you to turn around. You did so, facing Diego and Luther as you heard him run more water.

The shuffling behind you helped you guess what he was doing. You rested your head on the doorway, watching Luther fumble with his luggage as he struggled to open it.

“You can face me again, sweetheart.”

The uncharacteristic soft tone caught you off guard. Five could get to be extremely sweet if he wanted, but there was something off this time. He was a private person, not the type of person to use pet names in front of his siblings.

“So I found a way home,” he announced, putting his tie back on.

“What?” Luther inquired, too surprised to be able to hide it. “How?”

“All the details are irrelevant, but... I made a deal to get back to our timeline.”

The shakiness in his voice got on your nerves. Five wasn’t one for getting antsy, much less when solving a problem. And what kind of deal was he talking about?

“What about doomsday?” Diego asked the important question.

“Won’t happen.”

“And the 2019 apocalypse?” Luther followed Diego’s example.

“Everything will be back to normal. All right?” Five glared at his brothers. “Now, no more questions.”

Feeling as though the latter statement was directed at yourself, you followed him and his brothers.

Five put the blazer back on, declaring, “We gotta go. We have to find the others, right?”

He gave clear instructions. Luther would get Allison, Diego would get Klaus, he would get Vanya, you would bury Elliott.

“Now, we meet back in the arrival alley in 77 minutes.”

You frowned. Time limits when it came to time travel had never been a good sign.

He handed you and his brothers synchronized watches. You reached for your gloves, putting them on before clasping the watch on top.

Diego was skeptical. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. You show up drenched in blood and expect us to believe everything’s gonna go back to normal if we go home now?”

“Elliot just got killed because of us,” Five sneered.

“What about dad? What about JFK?”

Here we go again...

“Diego, we have a chance to go home and make things right. We are taking it.”

“I have to say goodbye to Lila.”

“Lila doesn’t give a shit about you, Diego! She never did.”

You winced. That had been harsh, even for being something coming from Five. You could tell Diego really cared, he was failing miserably to hide his hurt.

“Lila is one of them. She’s a member of the Commission.”

“Not possible.”

“She was just using you to get to me.” Condescendingly, Five added, “You’re the Oswald of this story, my friend. The goddamned patsy.”

Raising his voice, Diego said, “Just because you found someone who is insane enough to want to be with you, doesn’t mean that everyone wants you.” He turned to look at you briefly, “no offense, you’re lovely, but in—“

Five interrupted his brother, approaching him and hissing, “If you don’t do this, I’ll kill you myself. Got it?”

You were truly worried now. That had been unprompted. Before you could say or ask anything, Five teleported. The whooshing sound made you cringe for the first time since you met him.

With a sigh, you kept yourself from entering in a self-absorptive moment. Everything would be okay in less than 70 minutes, there was no use in focusing on things that would only make you lose time.

Walking towards Elliot, you double-checked to make sure you had taken the car keys already.

Diego stopped you from carrying Elliot. “I’ll bury him after getting Klaus. He’s not far away from here.” You were about to deny him, but he pleaded in a low voice, “Please, (Name).”

Damn Diego and his puppy eyes. Nodding, you slid your hand into your pocket and withdrew the keys.

════════════════════════

Five paced. From left to right, from bottom to top. Luther shifted in his spot, checking his watch every few seconds.

Diego was nowhere to be seen, Vanya and Allison were late too. Five was shocked by the fact that a seemingly hangover Klaus had gotten there in time yet his more responsible siblings couldn’t be bothered.

The briefcase charged, Luther and you cursed sadly along with Five who threw the item off. As the briefcase disappeared, Five got angrier.

Sighing, he angrily lamented, “We were that close. That close!”

“Now what?”

“Now nothing, Luther. All right? Make your peace with God.”

“W—What?”

Luther’s confusion would’ve been endearing in any other circumstance, but you were sure Five was about to explode.

“What about Allison and Vanya?”

“Screw them both! They should have been here.”

“What about Diego?” Klaus chimed in.

“Screw Diego, all right? Screw everybody!” he yelled. “(Name) and I were better off on our own in the apocalypse.”

You looked down, avoiding Luther and Klaus. Five didn’t mean it, he would never mean something as brutal as that — not toward his siblings whom he had missed so deeply throughout those years.

Five tended to be hyperbolic, adrenaline got the best of him nine out of ten times. It had always worked in your favor until now. And even now, he must’ve been planning something else already.

“Five, come on!”

“You know what, Luther? It’s every sibling for himself now. How ‘bout that?”

Turning around, Five pulled the door open, slamming it shut after crossing the doorway.

Klaus whimpered, “Did Five just get meaner?”

“I’ll handle Five,” Luther assured. “You two go get the others.”

You shook your head. “It’s my fault that Diego isn’t here, I’ll talk to Five. You two follow the plan to get the others and I’ll see you here later.”

Walking up the stairs, you perked your ears to assess where Five could’ve been. He was being dramatic, and he wanted to be found, perhaps even followed — you knew because he would’ve teleported if that wasn’t the case.

Five was still pacing in the bedroom. He didn’t acknowledge you as you entered, too busy mumbling things to himself.

You weren’t interested in deciphering whatever he was saying under his breath, you wanted him to tell you what was really going on.

And he knew, after so many years together he had to know. Resting your back on the wooden door, you patiently waited for him to be done.

His pent-up frustrations had never bothered you. Perhaps because you had met him in a stressful situation, but mostly because you loved him.

“I’m going to do the unthinkable.”

“Of course you are.”

Five stared at you through his eyelashes. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Then what do we have time for, Five?”

“I don’t want to fight. Not right now.”

“You just want to break the most important rule of time travel,” you deadpanned, mocking him.

“I killed The Board for nothing, (Name)!”

“We can fix it!”

“You’re not surprised? I wasn’t supposed to kill anymore!” He kicked the bed, huffing out of his nostrils.

“Oh, come on,” you breathed out, getting rid of the uncomfortable watch and leaving it on the first surface you found. “We will always be assassins, Five. The difference now is that we’re doing it on our own terms.”

Sitting down on the edge of the bed with his head between his trembling hands, he let out a sob.

God, what a fucking awful day. You pushed yourself off the door. Walking towards him, slowly in case he wanted to have space, you discarded your gloves.

Taking the spot on the bed beside him, you placed your hand on his back and rubbed it. When he didn’t make a move to push you away, you wrapped your arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. “It’s okay. I’m here with you.”

Shifting, he wrapped both arms around you as he buried his face in the joint of your shoulder and neck. His shaky frame under your embrace broke your heart.

“The Handler tricked me — there wasn’t supposed to be a time limit.”

If he wasn’t so distressed, you would’ve punched him for making a deal with The Handler from all people.

“Vanya tried to fight me earlier,” he sniffed, resting his cheek on your shoulder. “Then after promising she’d be here she couldn’t do a simple task.”

“Have you considered the possibility that something happened to her, Allison, and Diego?”

“Who knows,” he grunted. “We have other things to worry about now.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled. Closing your eyes, you rested your head on top of his.

You just wanted a few minutes of silence in his embrace, holding him close like you used to after rough missions. And by the way his arms tightened around you, you asserted that he wanted the same.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

[mirkwoodest]

History Channel's Vikings By Season According to Émile, post-rewatch (spoilers!)

vikings s1: Good

yeah it just slaps, sets of the world, makes you care. there's a reason it got renewed. the themes get set up, the cool stuff they do with languages, all good. Not perfect, but good.

vikings s2: Great

Plot is even more exciting than s2 in my opinion. The family reuniting in a new way rules. the set-up and twist in the finale is *mwah* 'My main issue was that Kwentrith was given a really 2D pussy-nality. Her stuff with Ecgbert and hitting on everyone was a red flag for the pointless horniness of the next few seasons, RIP.

vikings s3: Cringe until the last 3 episodes

U g h Yeah it gets very annoying here. The horniness of this season gets really tiresome here. Where before if felt like there was sexual energy that served a purpose, it started to get really pointless and annoying in this season. The way they wrote Þorrun off was annoying. Her arc felt very pointless and her motivation for leaving lacked depth. I couldn’t make myself care at all about the Saxon politics and that’s the show’s fault, not my fault, because I found that stuff plenty engaging in  The Last Kingdom. 

Good character development for other characters, especially Rollo and Bjorn. Aethelstan's stuff is pretty good. Was I sad to see him go? Yes, but I know George got a great gig as the main character of Versailles after this and I thought his death was respectful of his narrative arc. Unpopular opinoin maybe, but I appreciated Ragnar’s first signs of downward spiral. THE SEIGE OF PARIS IS SO GOOD. Literally felt like I was just waiting for the whole season to get back to this section. It seems like they put all their energy into these three episodes and it made all the cringe worth it. 

vikings s4 part 1: VERY cringe until close to the end. 

The Yidu plot was a HUGE fuck up. one of the worst of the entire show imo. Introducing a woman of color doesn’t get you any diversity points if make her a 2 dimensional sterotype and kill her horribly, lol. The political stuff in Paris with Odo and Charles and the offbrand Lannisters? Not a fan. Don’t care. Didn’t come here for that. Contributed nothing. The political stuff in Wessex with Exbert and Judith and Aethelwulf and Kwentrith? Not a fan. Don’t care. Didn’t come here for that. Could have all been cut and nothing would have been lost except for maybe little glimpses of baby Alfred. So many excessive and pointless horniness. Like WHY?

The only sex scenes that didn’t make me cringe were with Rollo and Gisla because they were funny and light and served a narrative purpose. Rollo and Gisla’s stuff was all solid gold. I would have liked more of it, to be honest. Enemies to lovers arranged marriage slowburn? Medieval powercouple? Girlboss/Malewife vibes? I wanted them to have a spin-off. Bjorn and the bear was a GOOD plot. It was a very effective way to make Bjorn grown up very fast. Lagertha making good on her promise to kill Kalf and doing it on their wedding day? A real GirlBoss move. I was similarly satisfied by Torvi’s stuff. I think it’s rad that she was such a minor character in season 2 and by season 4 she’s gotten pretty interesting. Ragnar’s downfall hurt, but it was a long time coming. It narratively made sense. As soon as they got back to Paris, the battles were once again wicked. That shit with the towers and the chain and the fire arrows was beautiful. Seriously, planning out interesting and engaging battles is one of the main strong suits of this show, it never disappoints. Finale? GOLD. Making us root for Rollo and feel satisfied that he had defeated the family of protagonists we’ve been rooting for this whole time? Genius. The jump forward in time!!!!!!! I remember I lost my shit watching it the first time. Because all of the first half of S4 is all about Ragnar falling to pieces, it was really useful and hopeful to see OH YEAH the next generation is about to take over.

vikings s4 part 2: Soooooooo good oh my god.

The tragedy. The coming together. Knowing that everyone's shit is about to get wrecked. TBH this might be the strongest season in terms of big-picture storytelling without neglecting nuances of individual characters. Biggest complaint is just that Gisla was treated as a dead end when there was still so much potential for interesting shit to happen with her and Rollo. Sigh. I thought Lagertha's characterization started to fray a bit though. Like it seemed like she was at peace w/ Aslaug so why kill her after she surrendered?

vikings s5 part 1: Decent

Good plot. Less over-the-top horniness. Very solid except Heamund was very annoying. Stuff with the brothers was pretty good. Lagertha's characterization continued to fray though. Idk why I don't have much to say, I guess that kind of speaks to the quality of 5a. Not mindblowing but not rage inducing.

vikings s5 part 2: Okay...

The plot itself was pretty good except Freydis is 2D as fuck. Great potential just left to rot on the floor. I'm in love with Gunnhild. Heamund was.... poorly cast. They continued to tone down the over-the too horniness and everyone benefited. Gunnhild my beloved... Thorra's character existing just to be fridged was 🙄 Speaking of which Hvitserk's arc was all over the place and totally disconected from where he came from of where he was going.

vikings s6 part 1: Good

Good tbh. Kiev is DOPE. Ingrid was kind of 2D. Hvitserk's fixation on Thorra was kind of hard to buy into because she had so little screentime and personality before being fridged. Bjorn's, Ivar's, and Hvitserk's arcs all felt solid and interesting. Loved everything with the little Russian prince. Yeah. Bjorn's kid dying felt very pointless though, and made me annoyed at Lagertha. Lagetha's end was good. Bjorn wrecking Hvitserk was extremely triggerig hahaha but good. The battle with the Rus was good. Character development for everyone but Hvitserk felt solid

vikings s6 part 2: Good

Mostly all good. Bjorn's final stuff was great. Hvitserk and Ivar's stuff was good, the Rus plotline was good. I really disliked the Gunnhild, Ingrid, Harald, Eric stuff. Like compared to the other plotlines it felr very hollow. They made Ingrid more 3D at least. I have mixed feelings about Gunnhild..... like it was kind of a badass end, but she was supposed to be the mother of kings???? The England plotline was pretty good, especially Ivar, Hvitserk, and Harald's stuff although Alfred just couldn't compare with TLK's Alfred in terms of depths. He was comparatively very 2D. I think they rushed Hvitserk's arc completion. There was interesting stuff that could have been mined. Ubbe and Torvi's stuff was p agonizing but the payoff was huge. I liked the Canada plotline. Very satisfying and a beautiful counterbalance to to the tone of the entire show, creating a really fitting ending in my book. Like perfect? No, of course not. The had sooo many strings to tie up so it would have been almost impossible to do it perfectly. But overall it was a satisfying and natural end. I felt like investing so much time to go on a journey with these characters was worth it in the end and it gave me a lot to think about.

[lovemeafterhrs]

boys (that i dated in highschool) | suna ending

chapter 12.5: (dream)

fun fact: SUNAS ENDING FINALLY UGH IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS AHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY i spent so long on this fic and i can’t believe its almost over :((

~~~~

suna rintarou didn’t know how to calm his racing heart, frozen outside her apartment door. he’d never been so nervous; observing the plants next to her doormat as he twiddled with his thumbs.

she was supposed to be his friend, but why did she leave his palms sweaty without even being in the room? he was at a loss for words, unable to ring the doorbell as his feet stood firmly cemented to the floor. it was as though his hands wouldn’t obey his brain, instead clutching to the rings that decorated his fingers.

after what felt like an eternity, he was met with a radiant smile through the now opened door. he couldn’t remember how it had even happened, too stunned to smile back as he caught himself observing every one of her features.

she looked so content, an adoring expression painted over the scowl she normally held so firmly.

“did i get all dressed up to stand in the doorway or what?” she smirked, and he shook himself out of his daze as he held out his hand to her.

“it’s a surprise.” suna couldn’t hide his grin as she took his hand, and it was his turn to drag her down the rickety wooden staircase.

the bustling city streets that usually surrounded their apartment complex were surprisingly quiet, and her long dress fluttered behind them as the wind carried them through the bright lights of the nearby shopping district. they observed the couples occupying the nearby park benches, and he cringed as he remembered what was to come. because he had to tell her, even if it would ruin everything.

unsurprisingly, she was completely unaware of the questioning eyes that pried around them. it was as though they could sense his nervousness, and cast him looks of pity as she pulled him to the window of a candy store.

“we’re going to get dinner, you can’t eat dessert first.” he snorted, and she pouted up at him.

“why not? the restaurant is so far-“

“you don’t even know where we’re going.” he sighed dramatically, and she snickered as they continued their journey down the brightly lit sidewalk.

“you’re so easy to rile up, suna. didn’t our kids teach you anything?” ah, yes. the twins had taught him many things, but being in love with his best friend wasn’t one of them. it was more of a side effect; one that left his heart pounding in his chest as her laugh rang through his ears.

“you raised them, it’s your fault!” he accused, stifling down a laugh as he tried to pass off the poorly hidden smile that rested behind his free hand.

“i’ll take that into account for the next set of heathens we adopt.”

“you think we’re doing that again? there’s no way.” scrunching up his nose in disgust, he led her to the entrance of the restaurant. she hadn’t taken notice of the twinkling lights in the window, instead her gaze permanently locked onto his as she wordlessly mocked his expression.

“we’re here, unless you want to stand out here all night.” he laughed, and she rolled her eyes at him as she opened the door. it was only then that she noticed their still-interlocked fingers, and he noticed the brief hesitation in her eyes before she seperated her hand from his.

as she observed the books that flooded the shelves of the restaurant, all he could see was the adoring smile that had found its way onto her features.

“it’s so beautiful..” she whispered in awe, and he grinned as they found a table next to the window.

“i knew you’d like it.”

“i love it, rintarou.” she beamed, and his heart jumped into his throat as he mirrored her expression.

with the soft music echoing behind them, they observed the couples occupying the surrounding tables, making jokes and giggling amongst themselves as they waited for their food. a warm sense of comfort had washed over the two, as though they were in their own little world. with the twinkly lights overhead, they ate in serenity with eyes shining and loving gazes.

it wasn’t until they left the doors of the restaurant that the night began to settle, and the truth rested slightly below the surface as they strolled to a nearby park. staring at the sparkling skies above, she pulled him into the grass and laid back against the dewy ground.

“what are you doing?” he asked, eyeing her curiously as she stared at the sky.

“we’re watching the stars, obviously.”

“it's almost midnight-“

“as part of our marriage contract, i’m making you sit on this gross wet grass in the middle of the night and look at stars with me. you have a problem with that?” she questioned, and he flushed as he shifted to glare at the stars above him.

“nope. none at all.” he did have a problem, and the silence began to slowly devour him as his brain flooded with words that he’d never got around to saying.

“rintarou,” she paused, and he turned to face her as she spoke up again. “you’ve been acting really weird recently, what’s up with you?”

fuck. she noticed? how was he supposed to explain..

“you know you can tell me anything right?” she added quietly, and he nodded nervously as his eyes darted away from her curious ones.

“nothing’s wrong, i’ve just been thinking.” he sighed, and she perked up slightly at his response.

“about what?”

“do you ever think about what it would be like if it wasn’t all pretend..?” he trailed off as his hands once again found the rings that decorated his fingers.

“what?” confusion met his eyes as he faced her again, courage coursing through his veins as he stumbled with his words.

“i don’t think i can keep acting like i wouldn’t do anything for you, even if you don’t feel the same. you’re my best friend, but i can’t ignore my feelings anymore.” he paused again, sending a glare straight into the clouds as he tried to keep his composure.

“i-“ she started, only to be cut off.

“i know you want to interject but please, just let me finish before i lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” he sighed, pulling his fingers through the grass as he contemplated his confession. “you feel like home to me, not that stupid little apartment complex we met in. it might just all be a game to you, but i don’t want it to play pretend anymore. i want to be able to hold your hand in public with no questions, and wrap you in my arms every night like you’re the only thing that matters. because to me, you are.”

“i.. don’t even know what to say.” if he had the confidence to look at her, he would’ve seen the tears that pricked her eyes as she smiled fondly at him.

“you don’t have to say anything, i understand.” he replied solemnly, rising to his feet as he cursed himself internally.

you really fucked it up this time, huh. losing your best friend, that was so smart! stupid fucking-

“suna, wait!” in a rush to stop him, she grabbed his hand, inadvertently pulling them both back into the damp dirt.

“seriously, it’s not that big of a deal-“ when he finally met her eyes, that adoring smile was back to taunt him as his heart stopped dead in his chest.

“it is that big of a deal, because i don’t want to play pretend either.”

“w-what?” he stuttered, eyes bulging out of his head as she stared him down like he was the stupidest person she’d ever met.

“i said that i don’t want to play pretend anymore, did you not hear me?” she taunted, poking his cheek as he realized exactly how close they were at that current moment.

“so does that mean i can kiss you?”

“well i would expect you to, you did just confess to me after all.” she grinned, placing both of her hands on his cheeks to balance on either side of his equally bright smile.

and he did, as the stars twinkled above and cars bustled around them as the night met the morning. suna rintarou silently thanked the elevator that he once hated as they walked up the stairs to her apartment, hand in hand.

but what if it had turned out differently?

masterlist:

taglist: @bby-bokuto @momoinot @crushingonsuga @k4tiepie @levisackerwoman @ashleefo @yammmers @heyitzwolf @pharvhs @disaster-rose @just-snog-already @laughingismorefun @kac-chowsballs @dae-kirei @centinoahs @ack-aashi @nerdynstoned @newfriendjen @moonlightaangel @paripedia @oxoai @well-imnotdead-yet @mygreat-perhapes @mochahyuck @tycrackculture @anngelllla @toaster-stick @rhaynedaze @nekomasbrain @maramalademadara

[songofsoma]

Her Undoing

wayhaven week 2020 day 2: feral/tender

fandom: the wayhaven chronicles pairing: cecilia beck/ava du mortain

read in on ao3

CONTENT WARNINGS: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE, BLOOD

“Cece! Watch out!”

Farah’s yell of warning came a second too late as a splintering pain in her side sent her crashing to the ground with a distressed cry. She hit the floor hard, her head smacking against the concrete from the force. The impact could be felt throughout her whole body. It distracted her from the blistering pain now blossoming from where she had been hit. 

Cecilia was slow to push herself up, touching the source of the discomfort, only for her fingers to come away bloody. 

Great. She liked this shirt. 

The sound of the fight was drowned out by a ringing in her ears. 

“Cecilia!” A voice cut through the noise, causing her to whip her head up just in time to see one of the rouge supernaturals staring down at her menacingly. She blinked rapidly, trying to get the world to stop spinning around her. 

The supernatural smiled wickedly, quickly sensing his advantage. It sent chills down her spine as his canines were coated in blood that dribbled from his mouth and down his chin. She knew in her gut that it wasn’t his.

Cecilia reached for her stun gun, only to realize it had flown from her hand when she had been knocked to the ground. The weapon was laying in front of the feet of the enemy. She lunged forward, grunting at the pain that shot through her from the movement. 

He chuckled, kicking the gun to the other side of the room.

Fuck. 

Reaching down, he grabbed a hold of her hair, beginning to drag her from the room. “Let’s take this party to another room. I would hate for our fun to be ruined by your friends,” he sneered, paying no mind to her screams and the way she was clawing at his hand. 

As she continued to be dragged away, she could hear her name being screamed by the rest of Unit Bravo as they fought to get to her, but there were too many enemies blocking their path. 

“Let me go!” Cecilia’s throat felt raw from screaming. Her attempts at escape were futile, but still, she tried. 

He tossed her against a wall, and she crumbled to the ground, pressing her face against the coolness of the concrete floor.

“Hm, I guess I should be careful.” He stalked towards her, looking at her with such smugness, Cecilia curled in on herself. Everything hurt. Her vision refused to focus without sending a splintering pain through her head. Blood was seeping from a wound on the side of her head, beginning to pool beneath her. She was going to die. “I shouldn’t play with my food, I heard it’s rude.” The man swiped a clawed finger through the growing puddle of blood, his eyes rolling back into his head as he licked his skin clean. 

She couldn’t move. All Cecilia could do was huddle closer to the wall and pretend like it was going to protect her. 

“I’m going to enjoy th—” his taunting was cut short by a furious roar. 

Cecilia flinched at the noise, glancing up to see Ava. At least, the physical form of her. There was a look in her eyes that she had only seen once before—Ava’s past in the house of mirrors. The green of her irises wasn’t visible from where she was laying, instead, they were burning viciously with black flames. Her gaze was primal and bloodthirsty. 

Ava snarled, the sound making Cecilia scuttle away to try and put some distance between her and the livid vampire. 

Her large hands were gripping fistfuls of the man’s shirt, paying no mind to the way his claws sliced at her abdomen, lifting him off the ground and slamming him into the wall. There were pieces of cinderblock that fell away from the force. It was terrifying the way she was dead set on tearing into him, as if her pain sensors were nonexistent when he scratched the porcelain of her skin rabidly. She was a predator who had her prey cornered. And Cecilia knew what came next.

Ava hissed, the light glinting off of her fangs making them seem even deadlier. 

The pinned supernatural spit at her, his face still defiant. “What? Did I damage your little snack? I am terribly sorry.” He still managed to grin as he mocked the seething vampire.

That was the final straw. 

Her fangs tore into his throat. Not to feed, just kill. 

There had been no time to scream as his skin was torn to shreds, blood splatter painted both the wall and Ava in a haunting crimson. Blood coated the bottom half of her face, streams running down her chin and over her neck, soaking the collar of her shirt. What once was a grey shirt was now a sickly burgundy that left sloppy streaks over the white of her skin as she moved.

Ava yelled, whether in victory or fury Cecilia didn’t know, she tore his head off of his body, allowing it to slump to the floor. Her crimson hand buried in the man’s dark hair as his lifeless eyes stared at Cecilia. 

Within them was held the last emotion he felt.

Terror.

The same feeling was weighing heavy in Cecilia’s chest as she whimpered in both pain and fear as she finally tossed the severed head to the side, trying to further distance herself from Ava. This wasn’t her Ava, she wasn’t thinking clearly, or thinking at all. 

Ava stood for a long moment, staring at the headless body before her. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath and her skin glistened with perspiration and blood. The once neat bun her hair had been in had completely fallen out, the dark blonde tendrils now colored red from the fight. Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes, nostrils flaring wildly. 

“Ava?” Cecilia’s voice cracked as tears she didn’t even know were there ran down her cheeks. They fell from her face, tinted red from the blood still oozing from her wounds. 

The vampire’s eyes snapped open and she turned to her quickly, too quickly. It made Cecilia flinch away in fear she wasn’t in control still. 

Upon fully assessing the state the detective was in, Ava managed to pull herself together in the blink of an eye. “Oh god, Cecilia.” She moved in a flash, not realizing how the sudden movements spooked her already frayed nerves. 

They were both blood-soaked as Ava gathered her in her arms, so Cecilia hardly noticed the slickness of the embrace as the bulk of Ava’s arms were lathered a thick layer of gore.

“I am here, I have you. You are safe now.” Ava’s voice was thick with tears of her own. 

“The others…” she began to ask as they were leaving the building. 

“They will be fine. You are my only concern.” Her words were stern with no room for argument as Ava hugged her closer to her body. “I am so sorry, Cecilia.”

Cecilia was blinking rapidly, trying her damnedest to stay conscious. But it was so hard. 

“Cecilia, please stay with me!” Ava pleaded, but she was already slipping away.

The darkness was so much easier than the pain of her body and the sight she had witnessed. She gave in, letting her unconscious curl around her mind, its commanding fingers pulling her eyes closed, leaving a screaming Ava behind. 

***

Ava had refused to move from her spot beside Cecilia’s hospital bed since she was let into the room. 

A chair had set up for her when she arrived and any insistence that she leave to get some rest was met with a cold glare that could turn even the strongest person to stone. 

She had been parted from her long enough when medics from the Agency had to all but pry the unconscious girl from her bloodied arms to load her into the ambulance. Ava hadn’t been allowed to go with them no matter how much she hurled venomous threats their way. They still slammed the doors shut and sped off, the ear-splitting sirens slicing the air, making her cringe. 

The rest of Unit Bravo met up with Ava just as the vehicle was pulling out of sight. 

Nat had gone to place a steady hand on her friend’s shoulder but decided against it when she realized the gore that soaked her. “Ava,” she gasped, pulling her hand back in shock, “what happened?”

Farah blanched at the sight. Even Morgan’s usually steady gaze faltered.

Ava made no answer.

It had taken an hour to wash away the remnants of the fight. Hot water aimed to soothe the soreness of her muscles as she watched the red water circle around the drain blankly. Her hair had been the hardest to get clean. For a moment, she had been convinced that the ends of her honey-toned hair would permanently be dyed from the carnage. Like the rest, it finally washed away leaving only the sick feeling in her stomach and the memories replaying in her mind to remind her of the monster she was.

She stared at Cecilia pitifully, cringing as she remembered the look of fear in her eyes as she watched Ava tear into her captor.

In her heart, she knew the girl would be terrified of her now after seeing what she truly was. Cecilia would want nothing to do with her and Ava wasn’t sure how she would recover from being tossed aside by the only person she had ever truly loved. 

A traitorous tear rolled down her cheek, she swiped at it angrily.

“Ava?”

She jumped, startled at the sound of her own name.

Those big brown eyes she thought about so often were concentrated on her. They were tired and worried, mirroring the small frown on Cecilia’s lips. 

“I’m here, mea vita,” she took the girl’s hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss the bruised knuckles gently. 

The pet name made her smile weakly. “I love when you call me that.”

Ava gave a choked laugh, more tears running down her face. “I say it because it is true. You are my life and I will never forgive myself for letting you get hurt.”

“Ava,” Cecilia cooed, trying to suppress the wince that ensued as she attempted to sit up. Ava’s hands quickly moved to help her, adjusting the pillows so she could be comfortable. Taking advantage of the fact her hand was freed from the vampire’s desperate grip, Cecilia placed it on her lover’s cheek, tenderly wiping away the tears. “You saved my life, yet again may I add.” The corners of her mouth quirked up into a small smile as she tried to distract her with humor. 

“I lost control,” Ava pulled away, the hand Cecilia had been caressing her face with now fell limply to the bed. “I was not good enough. I could have hurt you, Cecilia.”

She shook her head with a sigh. “You didn’t.”

“But I could have!” Ava flew up from her chair, knocking the piece of furniture backward from the force. “I was not in the right state of mind!” She began to pace in front of the bed. 

Cecilia watched silently.

“I was blinded by rage. Rage makes us—me weak, don’t you understand?” Her voice was rising exponentially, but she didn’t care. “If I hurt you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I have seen wars, plagues, disasters, and barely batted an eye. But you,” she stalked over, kneeling down beside her, clutching the railing on the side of the bed so hard her hands left indents. “You are my undoing.”

She raised her eyebrows at Ava’s confession and to Ava’s surprise, Cecilia smiled.

“Who knew it would take but a simple human to take down the mighty Commanding Agent du Mortain?” Cecilia teased, reaching out to hold the collar of Ava’s t-shirt, trying to pull her closer. 

Ava allowed herself to be led towards her, too entranced by her easy answer. 

Cecilia shifted, wrapping her arms around the vampire’s broad shoulders, hugging her as tight as she could manage with her injuries. 

She buried her face in her neck, breathing in the comforting scent of her. Cecilia smelt like the sweetness of wildflowers, carefree and resilient, mixed with the foreign medical scent of the infirmary. 

“I love you, Ava. Nothing is going to change that. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Ava’s smile pressed against the warmth of Cecilia’s skin. How did she of all people get so lucky? She had always thought love was not for her. She had lived almost a millennium thinking love is what made people weak. But now she knew the truth.

Being in love is what made her stronger.