#cretic

[name-esfandiar]

Persian translation of the Ring Poem by J. R. R. Tolkien (by me)

Here is my take at translating the Ring Poem from english to persian, hope it will arouse your interest !

If you are interested by the process and my notes, it will be below it all.

English

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all. One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Persian

سه‌ حَلقه واسهٔ پادیشاه الفی تَحت آسمان،

هفت‌ واسهٔ اربابهای دورفی توی اُتاق سنگ،

نه‌ واسهٔ انسانهای فانی محکوم به مرگ،

یک واسهٔ ارباب تاریک بر سریر تاریکش،

در استان موردور کجا سایها می‌خزند.

یک حلقه واسهٔ حکم راندنِ برهمه. یک حلقه یافتنشان،

یک حلقه واسهٔ آوردنِ برهمه و توی تاریک پیوستنشان

در استان موردور کجا سایها میخزند.

Transliteration in latin script

se halqe vâse-ye pâdishâh-e elfi taht-e âsemân,

haft vâse-ye arbâbhâ-ye dvarfi tu-ye otâq-e sang,

noh vâse-ye ensânhâ-ye fâni mahkum be marg,

yek vâse-ye arbâb-e târik bar sarir-e târikesh,

dar estân-e mordor kojâ sâyehâ mikhazand.

yek halqe vâse-ye hakam rândan-e barhame. yek halqe yâftaneshân,

yek halqe vâse-ye âvardan-e barhame o tu-ye târik peyvastaneshân

dar estân-e mordor kojâ sâyehâ mikhazand.

I hope you will like it :) if you like the topic, you can keep reading

My process and few interesting notes

Of rhymes, rhythm, and word choice

As it can be seen, I managed to make the second quatrain have quite perfect enclosed rhymes ! A thing I could not successfully replicate in the first one… or could I ?

The first and forth verse are the problem — although both 3 syllables, and cretics as per my prononciation (kept the second e in esemân specifically for that effect) ; so quite rhythmically pleasant. But it was too close to perfection to let it pass. Even if the idea of the only two words not rhyming being the sky of the Elves and the darkness of Sauron’s throne was dramatically fortunate, even quite brilliant. But it was not by my doing, only chance’s ; so it was important to me to add brilliance intentionally, by making it rhyme all the way.

My first idea was to change the word for dark, تاریکش (târikesh) into ویران (virân), making it then :

se halqe vâse-ye pâdishâh-e elfi taht-e âs(e)mân,

haft vâse-ye arbâbhâ-ye dvarfi tu-ye otâq-e sang,

noh vâse-ye ensânhâ-ye fâni mahkum be marg,

yek vâse-ye arbâb-e târik bar sarir-e virân,

It was a fine solution, but that had problems still.

Firstly, the -esh in تاریکش (târikesh) is the possessive suffix, part of the bigger nominal group سریر تاریکش (sarir-e târikesh), meaning “his dark throne” (lit. throne dark his) ; hence the -esh. If I was to use the word ویران (virân), that possession was no more, making it mean “the dark throne”, which was okay-ish (ahah, get it?), but not literal.

Furthermore, ویران (virân) means more “desolate”, “ruined” than “dark” ; it could mean something, like a “dark world”, but it wasn’t literally because it was dark. But desolate was fine ! Mordor is quite it, given how it’s described.

Note how I wrote this time âsemân with parentheses, âs(e)mân, pronounced then âsmân — both are equally said — to match the metric of virân. A nice touch, but no possession.

I wanted the possession.

My second idea was to change the word for sky, آسمان (âsemân) into عرش (‘arsh), making it then :

se halqe vâse-ye pâdishâh-e elfi taht-e ‘arsh,

haft vâse-ye arbâbhâ-ye dvarfi tu-ye otâq-e sang,

noh vâse-ye ensânhâ-ye fâni mahkum be marg,

yek vâse-ye arbâb-e târik bar sarir-e târikesh,

As easily guessed, it had problems.

The first problem was both one… and a genius play on words. For عرش (‘arsh) means sky but in a metaphorical manner, think throne of God type of sky meaning. Which was a problem, and a miracle. Alluding to earthly religions is always risky for translations, in my opinion ; too much connotation, interfering with the translation itself. But, at the same time, it was fun. The parallel between the “throne” of the Elves (or maybe Eru Ilúvatar’s one ?) and the throne of Sauron. Good vs evil is always neat, especially when speaking of Tolkien !

Another issue was the fact that the rhymes were poorer than before, rhymes still, but poor.

A good point was the fact that we kept the possession. Important point, of course.

Of my process and sources

This part will be quick, I promise.

I mostly used Glosbe, not that much for words (well, I used it to find عرش (‘arsh) or ویران (virân), to be fair) but more to have access to its corpuses, diving into the open subtitles of the Lord of the Rings movies. I didn’t want to copy-paste the already made translations, but I used it up has a way to see how they prism through they translated english. It was interesting. Used the french ones, too.

Yes, because last of all, persian in not my mother tongue, neither is english. French is, so excuse my “frenchism” if it occurs.

If you are a persian speaker, any notes or thoughts are more than welcome ! Please, enlighten me. Know that I tried my best and do as best I could, given my knowledge, my guts, and my sources.

[i-scan-your-poems]

full scansion:

– ◡ – big ol butt – ◡ – cowboy slut – ◡ ◡ – looking at spurs – ◡ – makes me nut – ◡ – leather boots – ◡ – assless chaps – ◡ – give my big – ◡ – butt a slap ◡ – ◡ – and now you know ◡ – ◡ – the cowboy rap

metrical structure: Each line is a cretic foot (– ◡ –) but may also have an additional unstressed syllable (as in lines 3, 9, 10) rhyme scheme: AABA BCDCEC

Cowboy Rap!

[local-threat]

*somewhere in the middle of the way to King in Crimson*

By the way, I forgot to tell you about the disadvantage of my new ability.

If I use holy damage a lot in battle, my soul will also take damage. It is not cretic if I am alive, as the soul regenerates quickly, but if I am dead, then it can be a problem for those who try to resurrect me.

Oh… oh. That’s yikes. Be careful with that. I don’t want to scrounge up enough for Wish. That’s a hassle and a half.

[strangechildproductions]

I had this idea in the shower have no idea why, hell I probably saw it in a Tom and Jerry episode or a looney tune episode for all I know but I drew it. The grass vanished on me by accident on the last couple panels but I didn't feel like going back to fix it.... I am also now realizing I forgot Bonnie's star on some of it.... I don't have time to fix it though, sorry.

This is kinda how I picture " Cartoon Bonnie" Is in Gregory's time in the Eight Parents AU. I also Picture Bonnie excitedly showing an episode to Gregory ( Cuz he wants Gregory to like the modern take on the show, it's an insecurity thing that only he has) who just keeps comparing it to "On Tour" and when he leaves Bonnie just huffs and goes " Everybody's cretic."

[threadsun]

Ok, Sydney was robbed of a proper corruption ending so I'm here to write him one

We're actually going to keep the part where his original story "ends" You two make it to the prayer room get high and...fuck? weirdly hump each other while you're crazy stupid high? Who's to say, but that happens, ok? But after a while something just doesn't sit right with Sydney. Sure it felt like you two had sex but he's still a virgin, aside from any bruises you two might have left on each other there's no real way to tell if that all really happened or not. Not to mention how fucking sick of the church he's getting

He's been told all his life that people like you are evil sinners who will never reach haven, but those nights spent with you are haven! You are his haven, why should the church's opinion matter to him anymore? He's found salvation between your thighs and he'd rather die before letting go

He tells you his new plan while you two are in the library, just like last time. He tells you he's done with the church, he's going to revoke his vows tonight with you by his side, and after he does you're going to deflower him, properly this time. No tricks, no incense, no prayer room. Just the two of you fucking till dawn

Now, he could just leave the church quietly but he wants it to be a spectacle. He wants to see the shock and horror on those priests faces when he spits out the name of his god. and he does, oh fuck does he ever. With you by his side Sydney calls for a surprise sermon, making sure everyone in the temple is watching as he grabs you by the collar and makes out with you. No more having to keep his lips to your cheek, no more hiding, no more fear!

He tells them all that he won't be coming back to the temple after today, so he might as well leave them with a bang. He pulls a list from his pocket and reads off every sinful act he's seen within the temple with places, dates, and names. He leaves you two's sins for last, letting you tell them all about your nights spent in the prayer room. The last words Sydney speaks to them are used to clear your name, sure you were to one who temped him but if he hadn't wanted sin in the first place neither of you would be here right now

Everyone is too shocked to even stop you two from leaving, the both of you strutting down to Elk street. You both make your way to the porn shop, inside waits a rose petal trail to a blow up mattress. Sydney says it's the best he could do on such short notice, or he tries to any way, it's hard to make out what he's saying with his tongue down your throat. You to have sex that night, real sober sex, and you finally get to deflower him

After that night Sydney's schedule changes quite a bit. Seeing as he doesn't go to church any more he spends his after school hours at the porn shop everyday. Just because he's no longer a man of faith doesn't mean he's any less of a hard worker. He pours his heart and soul into making new and exciting toys for the lovely little sinners of this town, making sure to give them all a little test drive on you, of course

If you're in any sex work he also asks you for new ideas or needs in the market that haven't been met yet. He takes every cretic and suggestion from you seriously, even the ones you meant as a joke (Something something balloon dildo, that anon still haunts my nightmares) but he makes all of them work great!

His favorite toys to test are vibes because to get a good idea of how long their battery life lasts and how good the vibrations are he makes sure to wear them all day, he even measures their orgasms per minute, he's very through. He loves the ones with remote controls the most because then he can give them to you to fiddle with during class

I haven't played too much of the game so if there's any questions I left unanswered feel free to let me know and I'll make an addendum. Also yes, I've been trapped in your walls for sometime now. Let me out, please? I'll give you forehead kisses, and uh...cookies?

👀 OH I LOVE THAT!!! Sydney deserves to make out with you in front of the entire church and then leave for good >:3c And him putting all that work ethic into the store and testing toys and !!!!! it's all so good!!!!

Enticing me with forehead kisses and cookies.... you drive a hard bargain, but okay. You're allowed out of the walls :3c

[i-scan-your-poems]

scansion:

◡ – ◡ ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – If minimum wage you'd like to make, ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – This ancient quiz you'll have to take. – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – Step right up, but be prepared. – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ ◡ – Those who fail are poverty-snared. – ◡ – Question One! – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ If your labor proves most fruitful, – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ Raking quarters by the bootful, – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – Who should excess profits reap, – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – Me the wolf or you the sheep? – ◡ – Question Two! – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – If, by merit, you're made pope, – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – What will be your fervent hope? – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – Law and order justly paired? ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – Or mercy and the guilty spared? – ◡ – Question Three! – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ If a train should leave Topeka – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ Driven by a solar squeaker, – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – How then should the cat behave? – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – Give it milk or give it grave? – ◡ – Question Four! – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ ◡ – ◡ Do you have a criminal record?

metrical form: tetrameter, sometimes iambic and sometimes trochaic. the "question one/two/three/four" refrain between quatrains is a cretic monometer line.

rhyme scheme: AABB quatrains; the final quatrain ends abruptly after a single line.

other notes: quatrains two and four have a shift from feminine line-endings in the first half of the quatrain, to masculine line-endings in the second half of the quatrain.

this is for a part-time job as a barista

[terrys-min-catl]

yee, i guess

(Me and topographical creticism swam in this pool with 3 searrchlights for abt 40 minutes)

[rsthemewp]

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[obfuscobble]

(to the tune of "something there that wasn't there before")

His hair is light. His eyes turn red. And there are homosexual thoughts inside his head. With all his tricks, Powers galore, I think he might just be a Satan metaphor.

True, Lucifer's not Satan But it wouldn't be the first time they've been mixed. Syn- cretic adaptation allows for monster boys so let's not get that fixed.

Angelic grace, Or hellish crimes: Either could motivate this character's designs. He'll change the world, For good or bad: The most intriguing friend the protag's ever had. As the most romantic one he's ever had. Oh! If I'd a nickel for each time that I've been had. >:[

[i-scan-your-poems]

full scansion:

– ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – bread so tasty. / bread so nice. – ◡ – / – ◡ – toast it once. / toast it twice. – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – toast three times. it / turns to coal. – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – burning toast is / not my goal.

metrical form: trochaic tetrameter catalectic rhyme scheme: AABB other notes: Line 2 replaces the trochaic first hemistich with a cretic as though it were the second hemistich.

bread so tasty. bread so nice. toast it once. toast it twice.

[ask-valentino-anything]

VAL! LISTEN TO THE MUSIC ARTIST WILL WOOD AND GIVE ME YOUR CRETIC

I'll get on it now mi amor~

(Any specific songs you suggest? My interest is piqued as I love music.

[causticpellets]

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[ai-saika]

New art of my Demon "Shark" I-Saika-C (Change to the C can happend), Made some change since I got cretic by some Discord user so just added and change colors. Do hope u all like and hope u expect more, Will be trying to do her more as well full art. Im still thinking on casual clothe, as u see she has a kimono on. Im trying to see if the change do look better and on ppl liking, I do like what I got and was and has been a LITTLE hard to make some what a Demon Shark.

[i-scan-your-poems]

full scansion:

– ◡ – / – ◡ – do it drunk. / do it high – ◡ /– ◡ /– ◡ /– do it / with a/nother /guy

metrical form: Cretic dimeter in line 1; in line 2 the cretics are joined by an unstressed syllable to create a trochaic tetrameter catalectic line. rhyme scheme: rhyming couplet other notes: This is the same form as leg so hot / hot hot leg / leg so hot u fry an eg.

do it drunk. do it high

[pixelaart]

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