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captain-joongz · 9 months ago

Text

A little show

Pairing: Min Yoongi x f!reader

Genre: uni au, pure smut with a dash of plot, some fluff, strangers to lovers

Word count: 9.6k

Summary: Who knew that getting off in the uni bathroom to get away from the world's most boring lecture could lead to getting absolutely railed by a cute postgrad student... but third time's the charm, right?

Warnings: slight exhibitionism, masturbation in a public bathroom, sex in a public bathroom (for once they're even using condoms lol), yoongi is a little shit but he'll rock your world, dirty talk, slight choking kink, dom-ish yoongi, who am i kidding he's a fucking beast, fingering, backshots, rough sex, some begging, biting and marking, they literally don't talk to each once before fucking

A/N: oof this was totally unplanned but i cannot be held responsible for anything after seeing the d-day concert movie, this is all yoongi's fault. also it ends surprisingly fluffy for the filth that's contained within

credit for the divider to @saradika-graphics, thank you so much <3

I blinked rapidly, trying to keep myself awake while the lecturer droned on, his nervous slightly stuttering voice carrying through the classroom and lulling everyone into a half-asleep haze. Every Tuesday I had to sit through 90 minutes of this man stumbling through every topic, trying to connect with the classroom full of people while anxiously stepping around the whiteboard projecting his presentation.

I was fully understanding, this was his first year teaching and he still hasn’t shaken off the stage fright, but that didn’t stop me from wishing I had never enrolled into this class and rather spent the time doing literally anything else. It didn’t help that it was an afternoon lecture, dragging on until 5PM, which was usually the time I was already completely fried.

I looked around, noting the other students similarly fighting off sleep or browsing internet on their notebooks, some valiantly still trying to keep their attention on the lecturer and failing miserably. I watched the girl in the row in front of me order a cute sweater, deliberating between two colours for about ten minutes before choosing strawberry pink. I approved.

My body was screaming from being bent over the desk in my boredom, back bent so crooked when I straightened out it cracked vertebra after vertebra like a xylophone from nightmares. I sighed, squirmed around, checked the time. Only 5 minutes have passed since I last looked. I barely suppressed a groan. I couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute, leaning back then pressing forward, folding and unfolding my legs, just trying to find a comfortable position to spend the next 40 minutes in and failing.

After 5 more minutes I reached a boiling point, playing with the thought of just booking it halfway through, but instead my unoccupied brain started entertaining itself by slipping into a territory that it deemed more fun. I started thinking about what I’d rather be doing, where I’d rather be, flushing slightly from embarrassment but surrendering to these thoughts as they presented at least some form of entertainment.

I made it barely 10 minutes before I was so painfully wet and aroused I definitely couldn’t make it through the lecture anymore. I had to do something about it, now.

I wasn’t shy about the fact that I occasionally enjoyed wanking in some more public spaces like bathrooms, the thrill of someone possibly coming in and having to keep quiet was getting to me. I didn’t indulge in it often, just when I got really bored and my brain immediately went to “let’s get off to entertain ourselves” instead of doing something normal like other people, just when I was sure there was only a slight chance of someone actually coming across me.

But thinking all that, I realised I’d never taken such liberty while I was in the uni building, probably just thinking about getting out of there as quickly as possible, but fuck, this lecture was getting to me. Somehow it felt more morally wrong than some other random ass places, but I deliberated on it. We were in a secluded corner of the building, it was really high and there was no elevator, the classrooms were smaller and above there was construction going on, which resulted in this place usually being totally deserted except for those unlucky souls that still had lectures here. I was pretty sure there was no other class going on here right now and the chance of someone from here going to the bathroom at the same time was slim.

On a whim I decided to take the risk, my body heating up knowing I was about to give in to the need. I quickly stood up, grabbed my phone and made my way outside. The hall was empty except for a single guy sitting by a table directly across from the bathroom door, but I figured it would be fine. He was wearing headphones anyway, head bobbing to a beat I couldn’t hear and fingers nimbly clicking something on his laptop and toying with the mouse. I slipped past him quietly and went straight for the bathroom door.

Inside was quiet, as if cut off from the outside world, the only two toilets both empty and door wide open. I went to the further one, not that it made much difference with how small the room was, but it still made me feel a little better.

With the door closed and locked for better feeling of security, the excitement finally got the better of me and I rushed to stick my hand into my skirt to pull down my tights and panties, fingers immediately finding the slick folds.

I bent over, the stall small enough to allow me to lean on my elbow on one wall while my ass pressed into the other, fingers going straight for my clit and wasting no time in pressing on it and circling it desperately. Quiet sighs of pleasure spilled from my lips, body trembling with pleasure heightened by the fact I was in a public space.

I barely even touched myself and I could already feel how fucked out I was getting, knees shaking and the pleasure mounting dangerously fast. In my mind I imagined myself bent over the toilet and a warm presence behind me, getting fucked good, strong hands gripping my waist hard, pulling me back on the cock like a toy while telling me to shut up, laughing at me while I bit my fist trying not to let the whole university know how good I was feeling.

My orgasm was approaching embarrassingly quickly, the pad of my finger furiously toying with my clit while my knees were shaking with the mounting pressure waiting to snap. I was so wet I felt my juices dripping down my thighs, dripping onto my hand and making my finger slip all the time as I tried to get myself to cum as fast as possible.

That didn’t seem to be that hard as I could already feel myself hurling towards the edge, cunt spasming around nothing, desperately wishing to be filled, as my ass pressed harder into the wall and my back arched. I could feel a little cramp starting up in my wrist, but I didn’t let up, keeping the pace on my clit as I felt the start of an intense orgasm, the sensation bursting through me like a tornado and I let out a moan muffled into the crook of my elbow. My knees buckled with the force of it and thank god that I was still leaning on the wall otherwise I would have for sure fallen down.

My whole body relaxed, thighs and knees still shaking as I tried to get my breathing back under control. The bathroom was suddenly eerily quiet now that there wasn’t blood rushing through my ears and I wasn’t blinded by my own ecstasy, and I flushed in embarrassment but still couldn’t stop myself from a little joyful giggle leaving my lips in breathless wonder.

I took my time getting myself back into order, cleaning myself up and righting my clothes again. I was in there for only about 15 minutes, so there was no reason to rush. I did notice that my legs had a little boneless swagger to them as I suddenly went from high strung in boredom to perhaps a little too relaxed, a stupid little grin pulling at my lips as I swayed my hips leisurely.

But that changed the moment I walked back out onto the hall. The second I was out of the bathroom I immediately found myself in direct eye contact with the sole student sitting out there. I only had a second to note he was very attractive before I realised he was watching me with the air of amusement, eyes darkening and a smirk forming on his lips as he leaned back and gave me a once over.

I flushed under his heavy gaze, freezing like a deer in headlights. It was obvious he knew what I’d been doing in there, something in my demeanour must have given me away. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, his eyes lingering on my hands clutched together before amused grin set onto his face.

I broke out from the daze suddenly and set into motion again, escaping his hungry eyes and entertained aura, hurriedly scurrying back into the classroom where I sat stewing in my own shame for the rest of the lecture.

When I walked back out after we were dismissed, the hall was empty, to my great relief.

“Come on, you should come tomorrow at least for a little bit,” Jungkook whined, pouting at me and hands tugging at the sleeve of my shirt. I gave him an unimpressed look, firmly resistant to his charms, which probably made me the only person in the world that was capable of that.

“I told you Kookie, I’m not feeling it this week,” I said for the fifteenth time that day, “Maybe next time.” The dance major cutely stomped his foot and tugged on my sleeve again. His wild hair flailed around with the wind, probably getting into his eyes, but he ignored it in favour of annoying me.

“But the next party won’t be for god knows how long,” he whined, giving me his ultimate puppy eyes and blinking cutely, “Come on Y/N, you need to let go a little.” Now, I would lie if I wasn’t swayed a little bit, but the exhaustion was weighing on me and I was looking forward to just having a quiet evening in ignoring all of my responsibilities and pretending I have no essays due and there aren’t any deadlines I was missing.

“I’m sorry Kook,” I softened my tone a little to convey I truly was apologetic, smiling at him gently, “I promise I will definitely go to the next party.” The man brightened and straightened out, letting go of me and setting out on the sidewalk leading out of the campus.

“I have your word! No takebacks!” he shouted excitedly and I ran after him laughing. I knew he wouldn’t let me forget it, so I just resigned myself to going to the next party even though I quite disliked them. I had nothing against partying, but I just preferred to go clubbing and dancing, not spend my evening sitting on a stained couch in someone’s living room listening to total strangers get zoinked out of their minds and talk about assignments. But I would go for Kookie. Just once though.

We walked side by side for a moment, just enjoying the awakening spring. It was still pretty cold outside, but the sun shone more often and the temperatures were enough to wear just a light jacket instead of coats with shawls, so I soaked in the atmosphere. People were beginning to filter outside, sitting around on the green grass, talking and studying, and it was nice to see.

Looking around I suddenly froze, standing still in the middle of the path while Kook continued for a few more strides before he realised I wasn’t following. He gave me a confused look, but I was already fighting an embarrassed blush and didn’t pay him much mind.

On the grass by a big tree was quite a familiar looking student, his long wavy dark hair similarly pushed around by the wind as he bobbed his head to music presumably playing in his headphones. He was wearing all black, standing out as a sore thumb in contrast with the green lit up by sun, but he was fully engrossed in his laptop and paid no attention to anything going on around him.

“Hey Kookie,” I called out to my friend, finally looking at him, “Do you know who that guy is?” I discreetly pointed in the man’s direction, hoping I wouldn’t draw anybody’s attention by being a fucking weirdo. Jungkook was a social butterfly despite his shyness and he seemed to know half the university (probably a side effect of hanging out with Jimin all the time), even people from majors that had nothing in common with his, so I was pretty confident he would be able to correctly identify the menace of my life.

“Who?” he started confusedly looking around, eyes jumping around the students just living their lives. I tried pointing again, hoping he would see where I meant without having to outstretch my arm fully. “There, that guy in the black sitting under that tree.”

Jungkook’s eyes finally locked onto his figure and a recognition immediately lit up his face. I chuckled. Of course he did know him.

“Oh sure!” he exclaimed, “that’s Yoongi hyung. He’s a little bit university famous.” I looked at him in shock and then glanced back to the expressionless man sitting on the lawn.

“Famous? Famous how?” I pressed for more info, this time it was me who way playing up the cute act, hanging onto Jungkook’s arm and batting my eyelashes at him. He gave me an amused smile, seeing right through me.

“Well, he’s handsome and yet cool and mysterious, girls love that shit,” Kook played it up, flipping his hair sassily and fluttering his lashes, making me scoff at him amusedly, “Plus he’s a rapper and sometimes performs in the local clubs and bars, so he’s pretty popular.” I turned us away from the black-clad student who was still unaware of anything going on around him and pulled us back onto the path.

“I see,” I hummed noncommittally, not giving him any indication of why I would suddenly ask about Yoongi, but based on the amused looks Kookie was giving me, he must have had an inkling why the sudden interest.

“He’s actually in the same year as Joonie hyung, they’re interning together at the same studio,” Jungkook continued, keeping his eyes on me to gauge my reaction. I hummed again, not saying anything anymore and just sending him teasing looks.

“If you come to the party tomorrow, Yoongi’s for sure gonna be there,” Kookie mentioned seemingly casually, watching me out of the corner of his eyes as he pretended he didn’t care mischievously.

I only shot him a glare and pulled on his arm, leading us out of the campus towards the café where we were supposed to meet Jimin and Tae, Kookie’s friends who graciously adopted me into the group after I got befriended by the shy giant.

For the rest of the afternoon I could feel Jungkook’s eyes on me, his lips pulled into a barely concealed smile as he fought the impulse to tease me in front of the boys about what he must have thought was an embarrassing crush on the school’s resident heartthrob. I ostentatiously ignored him, only shooting him warning glares here and there to which he always responded with shit-eating grins. Jimin and Tae kept giving us confused and entertained glances but ultimately decided against asking what was going on, much to my relief.

God, if they only knew the truth about why Yoongi even was on my radar in the first place.

The next Tuesday I walked into the classroom again, fully determined to sit through the whole lecture and not move even an inch from my seat. This time I chose a chair in the back, where I could comfortably be on my phone and distract myself from the thoughts of last week, from the attractive man and his smirks. I wondered whether he was sitting there again today, listening to what I now assumed was his own music, laid-back and effortlessly hot. I began to squirm in my seat again, but I quickly tempered it down, scolding myself gently for having such a one-track mind.

Once again I made it through an hour and with 30 minutes left, I began to face a crisis. The boredom was getting to me and I needed to use the toilet, my bladder screaming for help and making me shift around on my chair in discomfort. I thought that I couldn’t really face the bathroom without getting extremely embarrassed, but in the end I lost the battle to nature and got up.

Only, stepping onto the hall, I looked up and lo and behold, there he was – Yoongi sitting peacefully by the window and clicking away on his computer, his big black headphones firmly on as always. The movement by the door must have registered at the corner of his field of vision and he eagerly looked up.

The moment his eyes laid on my figure, frozen once again in the hallway and heating up under his stare, he smirked widely like he won the lottery, leaning back and making himself comfortable on the chair. With his gaze following my every movement I hurried into the bathroom, cheeks blushing and knees turning into jelly.

On instinct I went to the furthest stall and locked the door behind me shakily. Having taken care of my business I paced the stall nervously, already feeling myself bend under the tension. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again, knowing Yoongi was sitting outside fully aware of the nature of my little trip last week, but his demeanour, the winning smirk and dark eyes made me want to break that promise.

Embarrassingly enough, I could already feel myself getting wet again and I begun to lose the conviction to just walk away and go sit back into the classroom for another terrible 30 minutes. The thoughts of Yoongi waiting in the hallway, hungrily watching the bathroom door and thinking about me with my hand up my skirt were getting to me and I finally broke.

Swiftly pulling down my tights and underwear I didn’t waste anymore time in sticking my fingers between my folds, gathering the wetness and rubbing the swollen bud begging for attention. I couldn’t hold back the little sighs and moans of pleasure, my body hyper-sensitive and the lust coursing through my body more intense than I could remember ever feeling.

It didn’t take long before I was choking on the moans I desperately tried to stifle on my arm, knees shaking and close to buckling and pussy clenching on nothing, feeling so empty and so desperate for anything I was losing my mind.

And if I was deliriously cumming on my fingers only a moment later while imagining Yoongi fucking me roughly in the uni bathroom, that was only my business.

With trembling fingers I quickly cleaned myself up, blushing when I realised I was so wet the whole top of my thighs was covered in my sticky juices. Putting myself back together I rushed to scrub my hands clean and soon I was standing behind the door, taking a few deep breaths but the excitement still getting the better of me and I eagerly walked out, expectantly looking for Yoongi’s reaction with a little sly smile on my face.

And I was not disappointed.

The second I stepped out, his head snapped in my direction, confirming that he really was waiting for me to come out. His cheeks were also lightly dusted with pink from excitement, his eyes as dark as midnight with his pupils blown wide with lust. He immediately licked his lips, eyes raking over my form and taking in the shaky knees and trembling hips, the blush on my face, both from recovering from an orgasm and shyness, hair a mess and lips bitten red.

Yoongi suddenly stood up and I realised that he packed up his laptop and headphones, all his stuff probably stuffed into his neat backpack that hung off of his shoulder. He side-stepped from the table and leisurely made his way towards me, black dress pants nicely hugging his form, white tee tucked into them accentuating his slim waist and a thick black oversized shirt hanging off him in a way that made me slightly feral.

But there was something else he wanted me to see, and I clocked it as soon as he got close enough, cheeks absolutely blazing red and my pussy valiantly clenching again even after such an orgasm.

He was hard. When my eyes slid down again to appreciate how the pants fit him so perfectly they landed on an unmistakable bulge, the front of his pants tenting in a tell-tale sign of how much he enjoyed my little show. I gasped and suddenly all confidence sapped from my body and I was left aroused and aching, willing to do anything. He watched me with a mix of condescension and arousal, knowing how easily he won over me and loving how receptive I was to just a light teasing, how the blush spread down to my collarbones and my mouth opened subconsciously, eyes glazing over and brain no doubt filled only with the thoughts of his cock.

But with an arrogant smirk he passed right by me, heading for the door of the men’s bathroom. Only when he was halfway through the door, he threw me a look over his shoulder, winking at me and his grin turned wild and rough. Then he disappeared inside.

I was left in the hall gasping for air, body ravaged by tension and lust and head full of images of Yoongi standing in the bathroom stall and hurriedly yanking at his cock, the red tip wet with pre-cum, the liquid getting smeared all over his length by his eager hands trying to get himself to completion as fast as possible. I imagined him grunting, head thrown back and mouth open but still curled into that annoying smirk.

A door opened somewhere a little down the hall and a mess of voices flowed out, startling me out of my reverie and I realised I had been just standing in the middle of an empty hallway staring dumbly at the bathroom door. I felt the bashfulness catch up to me and it sprung me into movement. With one last look at the door I scurried back into the class and spent the last 15 minutes staring into the wall with flaming red cheeks.

When I walked out after the class ended, Yoongi was back to his place, sitting completely relaxed into his chair and grinning lazily when his eyes caught mine. I felt my whole body jerk with a bolt of lust, but I ducked my head and quickly ran down the stairs, rushing out of the building and towards the café where the boys were already waiting for me. Jungkook stared at my flustered face with an unreadable expression, and I let him think whatever he wanted, too preoccupied with fighting the image of Yoongi cumming all over himself just twenty minutes ago thinking of me masturbating just a wall over.

Later that week, after many orgasms, much deliberating and a whole lot of shame I decided I needed to hear his voice. I kept thinking back to how Jungkook mentioned he was in the same year and major as Namjoon and that he was a performing rapper, and I knew Namjoon put his stuff online. And if Yoongi really was a known name in the bar scene around the area, he must have too.

Asking Jungkook about his stage name would be too humiliating, so instead I decided to rake through Namjoon’s insta because he must have his friend’s account there somewhere, hoping Yoongi would forgive me a little social media stalking. Firstly I scrolled through Namjoon’s posted pictures, but he rarely tagged other people. Most of his pictures were of artworks or Joonie doing something silly and living his best life.

So I switched to the pictures that others tagged you in. It took a while, but I was able to see that most of them were from this guy Hoseok that I had seen around but haven’t really spoken to. I knew he was a double major because he did dance like Jungkook and Jimin, but I had never realised he was also in the same major and year as Namjoon. He seemed to post a lot from the studio, often with Joon hunched over his computer in the background, but after some digging I was able to find one that had them all in it.

It was also from the studio, it must have been the one the boys were interning in, presumably all of them together. Hoseok’s face was grinning in one corner as he was taking the selfie and even though it was dark, you could clearly see two men sitting at a table together and discussing something with serious looks on their faces. A laptop sat between them and one of them had his hand lying on the pause button. It was Yoongi and Joon. Only their side-profile could be seen in the photo, but it was unmistakably them. The description only said “hyung is scolding joonie again” but tapping on the photo it showed that both of them had been tagged. Bingo.

Yoongi’s account was full of mostly dark pictures, some from the same studio and some were of him on stage mid performance, but there weren’t as many as Namjoon and Hoseok had on theirs. I scanned some of them quickly, but even though he looked super hot and the photos were extremely well done, it wasn’t the reason of my searching.

I checked the name of the account again – it was Agust D. And there was a link in the bio. Without thinking I clicked it and was transported to Spotify, Yoongi’s entire career laid out clearly in front of my eyes in the form of three albums.

I spent the evening listening to them, letting his music wash over me and losing myself in the beat and the lyrics. No matter what I was looking for when I wanted to listen to it, I got everything and more. I suddenly understood all those star-struck students that according to Kookie trailed hopelessly after Yoongi, the man had a real talent and an aura that just sucked you right in, like a fly getting trapped in a very smug spider’s web.

His voice was surprisingly lower and rougher than I anticipated, the songs had no shortage of him growling or screaming, emotions pouring off of his voice in waves that just swept me along.

And I couldn’t wait to find out what he sounded like when he was getting his rocks off.

The next Tuesday I climbed those 4 floors of stairs confidently, wearing a short skirt and cute heels, gingerly picking a spot in the class that would allow me to slink off in the middle of the lecture again. Yoongi wasn’t sitting in the hallway yet, but I believed he’d show up soon enough.

The anticipation was coursing through my veins, making me jittery and giggly. From the corner of my eye I could see a classmate giving me a strange look, mouthing at me if I was okay and I nodded hurriedly, giving her a smile, hoping she wouldn’t pay any attention to me when I had to leave.

If the two lectures before were unbearable, this one took the cake. I could barely contain myself, squirming in my seat, trying to make myself comfortable while I checked the time every 2 minutes, wishing half the lecture had already gone by and always getting disappointed at how early it still was.

My mind was going into overdrive, feeding me ideas and fantasies, replaying last week’s encounter on loop. I couldn’t see anything except for Yoongi’s lopsided smirk planted firmly on his face as he made his way into the bathroom to jerk off, his face as he came thinking of me.

The minutes ticked by slowly, and I was absolutely losing my mind, thighs pressing together and hands tangled into the fabric of my skirt, bunching up the material. I made it 40 minutes before I grabbed my phone and sneaked out onto the hall.

Yoongi’s head shot up immediately, already sitting by the window waiting for something. This time I didn’t freeze up, instead I was the one who smirked at him and confidently walked up straight to the bathroom. He watched me raptly, something predatory glinting in his eyes as he leaned forward on the table. Couldn’t help but notice that today he didn’t have his laptop out, he just sat there and watched me, but I moved forward not giving it much thought.

I raised my eyebrow at him and winked right as I disappeared into the bathroom, the door falling shut behind me and sealing me inside in the calm and quietness. I rushed to the furthest stall, shutting the door behind me but not bothering to lock, too horny to think clearly.

I couldn’t believe this was getting to me so much, but the moment I managed to slide my tights low enough and ran my hand through my folds, I was already so wet it was astonishing. I laughed at myself in disbelief as my finger found my clit and circled it. Who would have thought this would become my weekly routine, jerking off in the bathroom while a guy I’ve never even talked to sat outside smirking.

But not today it turned out.

Just as pleasure began coursing through me at the ministrations, pleasured sighs leaving me freely as I got cocky not getting caught until now and the squelching of my wet pussy getting played with rang through the quiet space. Then, I heard the door open.

Immediately I froze, hand stopping but still stuck between my thighs. Slow silent footsteps made their way towards the stalls and I hoped whoever this person was, they would take care of their business quickly and leave right afterwards, but they seemed to be taking this in a really leisurely manner. I was holding my breath, counting the seconds, ears straining to catch any kind of sound coming from them.

“Don’t stop on my account, kitten,” a gruff voice suddenly piped up, the footsteps stopping right outside my stall. Relief and lust rushed through me at his appearance and I couldn’t hold back a desperate whimper, the fingers on my clit going back to work. There was a chuckle behind the door and then he was pushing it open.

I must have been a sight, underwear and tights pushed under my ass, skirt bunched up around my hips, bent over with my back arched leaning on the wall as I desperately played with myself, mouth open and eyes glazed over.

Yoongi’s eyes raked over me and he hummed lowly in appreciation. He made his way in lazily, shutting and locking the door behind him before leaning on it and just watching for a moment. I tried to put on a show for him but I was truly gone, the three weeks of built up arousal carrying me high and my body racing towards the edge in record speed.

I watched him back, watched his dark hungry eyes, his tongue peeking out to wet his upper lip, the way his hands flexed by his hips, twitching with the need to grab himself. I could see his bulge clearly, the tight black jeans barely able to contain it, and I was going crazy for it. When my eyes jumped back to Yoongi’s face, he was smirking at me knowing where I’d been staring at. What I wanted.

Suddenly he pushed himself away from the door and stepped towards me. Startled I straightened out, fingers stopping once more. He descended on me hurriedly, pushing me into the wall with his body, caging me in. Our faces were suddenly only breaths apart and Yoongi took his sweet time, teasing me by getting closer and pulling away with a laugh. I whined, my clean hand coming up to tangle in his hair and he let me, watching me from above as I writhed against him, wordlessly begging for any touch from him.

Finally, he took pity on me and with a cocky grin smashed our mouths together, immediately prying my lips open and licking inside, claiming me roughly and thoroughly. I moaned into him, body arching into his and he pressed closer, pressing me into the wall again and our bodies touched from our heads to our toes. His hand went to my neck, wrapping around it lightly and grabbing my jaw to keep me still as he kissed me with all his might.

Now with both hands I grabbed onto him, one going around his neck and one around the waist, and he broke the kiss to laugh at me quietly, turning my face with his hand so he could kiss around my ear.

“You’re such a little tease, you know that kitten?” he whispered, voice gravelly with arousal, “Coming in here every week… playing with your pussy… making yourself cum… and then coming out and giving me those eyes, cheeks still flushed from your orgasm and yet playing so coy and shy… you’re such a minx.” I tensed, eyes rolling back as he started nipping at my neck, laying wet kisses and bites all over any skin he could get to.

I didn’t even notice when Yoongi’s other hand found its way between my legs, fingers roughly pressing onto my clit. I choked on a moan, head falling back and hitting the tiled wall, hands flexing into his clothes. He bit my shoulder enough to leave a mark, chuckling at my loud keening before pressing his lips to the shell of my ear again.

“Last week I thought I would go crazy sitting there,” Yoongi continued, almost growling into my skin as his fingers twisted meanly around my sensitive nub making me tremble, “I couldn’t focus on anything, not when I knew how much you wanted to give me a show. Almost went to jerk off at least five times but I held off until you came out to repay the favour.” He chuckled again, hand tightening a little on my neck as he leaned back to look at me.

I tried to get my breathing under control but I was stuck with my mouth hanging open, noises flowing out freely as if this wasn’t a public bathroom. Yoongi didn’t seem to mind though, quite happy to watch me come undone just from a little teasing.

“It was the same for me,” I whispered, looking into his eyes and this time playing coy very much on purpose, licking my lips and batting my lashes to play it up, “Had to sit through the rest of the lecture while thinking about you in here. Was hell.” He snickered darkly, immediately catching onto my act.

He hummed, finger dragging across my lower lip, fascinated for a moment before he snapped back to himself, mouth pulling back into a smirk.

Without a warning his other hand moved lower, fingers tracing my entrance before two of them plunged inside. I moaned out, body seizing up at the sensation. I was wet enough that they went easy but there was still the pleasurable sting of being stretched out on two digits.

Yoongi certainly wasn’t the type to waste time. He hummed satisfied, watching me with those dark eyes, testing the waters with a few shallow pumps before he started finger-fucking me earnestly. Just like everything else, even now he wasn’t gentle, flicking his wrist up and pushing his fingers as far as they could go, curling them to scratch at that one magic spot that had me seeing white.

I whimpered loudly, hips gyrating to ride the motions, already feeling the stirrings of a powerful orgasm lurking on the horizon. Like a shark sensing blood Yoongi chuckled and twisted his fingers on the next thrust. I keened, hands flying up to tangle into his clothes and hair, hips jerking and chasing after the feeling.

“So selfish, kitten,” he tsked at me, still keeping his cool even though I could see his erection attempting to burst through his pants, “only thinking about your own pleasure. No respect for others, huh?”

My first instinct was to apologise, but I got choked up on the words when he started up his pace again, so instead I decided to be a woman of action. Slowly trailing my hand down his torso, feeling him up on the way, grabbing onto his chest, his slim waist, until I finally reached his crotch.

With the first touch he let out a light groan, fingers stuttering and eyes falling shut for a moment, then he was suddenly back onto me, kissing me wildly while his hips fucked into my hand, letting out gruff groans and sighs into my mouth, which I accepted gladly.

For a moment we were just lost in each other, not caring about the noise or the place, just pleasuring each other, touching, feeling. Then Yoongi was tearing away, hand flying from my pussy and stepping back. I couldn’t stop the pathetic whine that left me, and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment at his amused face.

Instead he grabbed me and turned me around until I was leaning on my arms on the wall behind the toilet, one leg up on the closed lid for support. I shivered in anticipation, knowing what would come next. Yoongi was moving about behind me, clothes shuffling and rustling. Then his sweater hit the floor. I turned my head to watch just as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a silver packet. He grinned at me and winked when catching my eye, then reached out to me, condom in hand.

“Can you hold this for me for a second, darling?” he asked as sweet as honey, but there was something devilish twinkling in his eye.

“Of course,” I answered him. I meant for it to be sassy, but it came out on a breathless whisper as I took the packet and watched Yoongi’s hand run through his hair before setting on his belt. He unbuckled slowly, attentively watching my eyes soaking in every second as he pulled the belt through the buckle and out of his pants. Fingers toyed with the button before popping it open, tongue wetting his lips and hungry eyes eating me up. I trembled under his attention but held still, not even breathing as his fingers grasped at the zipper and pulled it down.

Tired of playing, he pulled his tee out and put the hem between his teeth, revealing his taunt stomach and pretty waist. Winking at my obvious gawking, he finally pulled his jeans and underwear down, his erection springing free. The sight of him shocked me to my core, standing there with his t-shirt in his mouth and a smug glint his eye while he leisurely fisted his flushed red cock. I could feel my pussy gushing and clenching around nothing, desperately calling to be filled up.

Yoongi plucked the condom packet from my limp hand and made a quick work of putting it on. He lined up behind me, hands finding my waist to pull my tee from the skirt, making contact with bare skin.

I gasped when I felt his cock slide through my wet folds, but quickly keened and arched into it. One of Yoongi’s hands tightened on my waist while the other disappeared to grab his length.

“Easy now,” he chuckled at my trembling body, my hips chasing after his cock and trying to entice him into fucking me.

“Please,” was all I could get out of my mouth, “please Yoongi, just fuck me.” His hand tightened again and there was a beat of silence before he snickered.

“So you naughty girl do know my name,” he teased and I froze for a moment, embarrassment flooding me. I turned to him again to see him smirking at me, tee hanging off of his form. “I heard it around,” I whispered sheepishly. He hummed, raising his eyebrows at me.

“Not really fair, is it?” he teased some more, a mischievous expression taking over his face, “Is it, Y/N?” I narrowed my eyes at him jokingly and he grinned.

“Now, what’s your excuse, mister?” I asked him sassily, “Not like I’m a campus celebrity… unlike someone here.”

“May or may not have asked Jungkook cause I saw you two hanging out,” Yoongi admitted easily, laughing at me when I paled.

“God,” I groaned, “No wonder he was getting so cheeky whenever you came up in a conversation.” At that Yoongi raised his eyebrow again, amusement dancing on his features.

“That happen often?” he asked impishly, leaning against me and once again letting me feel his cock sliding through my folds. I gasped a little and blushed even darker. “You’re Namjoon’s friend, so occasionally,” I bold-faced lied straight through my teeth and from the look on Yoongi’s face, he was aware but let me get away with it.

There was a moment of silence where we just stared at each other, mischievous little smiles on our faces, and then Yoongi hummed, pulling his tee back up to his lips and biting down on it. I shuddered, the lust once again taking the fore-front seat in my mind. This time he didn’t stop for anything, grabbing himself with one hand and the other going to my waist to hold me in place.

The tip of his cock circled my entrance and I subconsciously clenched, a gush of wetness leaving me. I whined and wriggled in his hold and he tsked at me again before sliding inside in a single thrust with a light condescending giggle. I groaned, pussy immediately squeezing around the intrusion, feeling every inch and ridge. There was a hitch in Yoongi’s breaths, both hands migrating to my waist and grabbing so tightly I felt his nails digging into my skin.

He barely gave me a second before pulling out and thrusting in again, setting a rough pace from the get-go. All I could do was bury my head into the crook of my elbow, biting into the soft flesh there to keep myself from moaning loud enough for the whole school to hear.

The stretch of his cock was exquisite, the slight burn heating up my already sensitive body to a near boiling point. With every thrust there was a tiny twinge of pain that left me breathless, desperate to muffle any noise that could cut our meeting short.

Yoongi didn’t seem to care much about noise, hands on my waist mercilessly pulling me back onto his cock and fucking me with so much force I felt my whole body twitching with the overdrive of sensation, the slapping of our sweaty bodies against each other and the wet squelch of my weeping pussy getting filled to the brim loud enough to substitute for our own sounds. He was grunting gruffly, the noise seemingly leaving his mouth involuntarily and getting muffled by the tee.

I turned my head slightly to look at him, and god, he was a vision with his head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut and face the picture of ecstasy, body rippling with the motion of his pumping hips and strong veiny arms and hands gripping onto me hard enough to go red with the force. I couldn’t hold back the moan and he toppled his head forward to look at me, a tired self-satisfied smirk tugging at his lips at seeing my fucked out expression.

“Take your fucking shirt off,” I gasped out breathlessly, chuckling at his teasingly narrowed eyes, “You have such a dirty fucking mouth, can’t stand for it being shut.” Yoongi laughed, throwing his head back in delight. Within seconds the piece of fabric joined his sweater on the floor and he leaned forward, hands picking on my own shirt with a mischievous expression.

“Shouldn’t you even the score?” I loved how deep and gravelly his voice became with arousal, even when he was being mischievous I could hear the growl in it and it drove me crazy. I scrambled to listen to him, tearing the shirt off and flinging it behind us. Yoongi’s hands immediately travelled up, playing with the edge of my bra before swiftly undoing the clasp and dragging it off. I gasped lightly at his skilled handiwork and giggled, but Yoongi was already preoccupied with kissing along my shoulders and shoulder blades.

His hips angled better and then jerked them into me again, cock sliding even deeper now. I groaned and arched into him and that was his que to start fucking in earnest again. In this position I could hear the strained sighs and grunts every time he slid back inside, the rough deep pace taking a toll on us both.

The back of my thighs was burning from standing bent over and straining my hips for this long and it added to the mix of feelings running through me. I could feel my orgasm catching up with me, Yoongi’s cock now hitting a spot on every thrust that made me want to scream with pleasure, sliding in so deep I swore I could feel him in my belly and it was so good my head was spinning, and all that came out of me were raspy moans. Yoongi bit into my shoulder, grunts raising in octave, hands pulling at my body to meet his thrusts.

I prayed to god that the walls were thick enough to keep the sounds from escaping onto the hall. I knew that if someone stepped inside now, there would be no masking what was going on, we were both too gone for that, just chasing our pleasure.

I was so close, the weeks of build up and the foreplay and teasing making me delirious. There in that moment I just wished I could stay like this forever, to feel this delicious ecstasy for the rest of my life, but I was so close to snapping I just needed a little extra push even though my head was so high in the clouds wishing to be never brought down.

“Please Yoongi, god,” I choked out, “please, I’m so close.” That seemed to snap Yoongi back into his attitude again, but he couldn’t hide how affected he was too.

“What do you want, kitten, mm?” even he couldn’t talk properly through the gasps and grunts, but still tried to sound as cocky as possible. Instead of talking I grabbed his hand and brought it down between my legs.

Yoongi pressed himself to me closer to make the reach more comfortable, his chest glued to my back as he nibbled on my neck and shoulder, giggling breathlessly when his naughty fingers started drawing tight quick circles on my clit.

My moans got louder, the pumping of his cock, hitting so deep inside of me, combined with the stimulation on my clit made me seize up, whole body shaking as the pleasure overtook me. Yoongi groaned every time my pussy clenched around him, drawing him deeper and closer to his own end. Both of us were so sweaty we stuck to each other, the temperature in the stall rising so high it was almost unbearable.

“Yoongi,” I gasped out, just repeating his name breathlessly as I barrelled to the climax, feeling the beginning of the tingling washing over me, pussy seizing up. Yoongi’s hands were like vice on my body, my waist littered with red indents of his nails, some already purpling slightly.

“I know, kitten,” he whispered into my neck, “Me too, you can let go.” The moment those words left his mouth my orgasm exploded over me, enough to blind me and send my ears ringing for a few moments. I let out a raspy groan, hands scrambling to find purchase on the wall and if it wasn’t for Yoongi’s hold on me, my buckling knees would have sent me crashing to the floor, but all I could focus on was the euphoria blooming through my body, flooding all my senses with so much pleasure I could barely fully register anything that was going on. Yoongi fucked me through the peak, hips losing rhythm and all decorum until finally he gave last few hard pumps and stilled too, coming with a drawn-out moan, hands pushing our hips as close together as they could go.

We clung onto each other as we attempted to catch our breaths again. I felt my arms slipping on the tiles as the pleasant ache started setting into my hips and lower tummy, legs screaming for a reprieve as my brain slowly came back into function. I blinked my eyes open, not even realising I had closed them at some point. Yoongi was basically hugging me from the behind, draped over me just breathing deep, faced smushed into my shoulder blade. Then he chuckled.

“You think we’re still in the clear?” he laughed, “How thick do you think these walls are?” A giggle tumbled out of me and before I knew it we were both laughing breathlessly, bodies still pressed close.

“This is officially the craziest thing I’ve ever done,” I told him, shaky knees trying to keep my weight as I started to gather my wits. Yoongi let me go easily and helped me find my balance as my whole body ached, back killing me after Yoongi railed me like a madman.

“And here I was, thinking this was just regular Tuesday for you.”

I slapped his shoulder lightly, but the blush on my cheeks revealed that I couldn’t really say anything to that. His amused snickers told me he was well aware, so I just stood there and watched him slip the condom off, tie it up and then just awkwardly stand there not knowing what to do with it.

“Guess I can’t just casually drop a used condom into a bin in the girl’s bathroom,” he stated nonchalantly, and I giggled at him. In the end he grabbed a bunch of toilet paper and hid it inside, putting in on the closed bin lid for the moment.

Next Yoongi swiftly cleaned himself up and pulled his jeans back on, but when I reached for the paper to do the same, he swatted my hand away. With a much gentler smile he got it himself, kneeled in front of me and started cleaning me up, gently wiping away the mess left on my centre and thighs. I watched him attentively, the soft look on his face making him look boyish, only the naughty glint in his eyes reminiscent of the man he was just a few minutes ago.

When our eyes met, I returned the smile, hand instinctively going to tangle into his hair. I meant to just card it through the dark wavy locks, but the heated look he gave me had me shuddering again, fingers tightening. Yoongi smirked, tongue licking at his lips sensually just inches away from my exposed pussy.

“Still thinking about naughty things, kitten?” he said, voice dark and deep, “Like the sight of me on my knees for you?” I hesitated for a moment before untangling my hand and gently pushing him with a blush.

“I see,” Yoongi hummed thoughtfully, “maybe next time then.” With a wink he stood up and when I didn’t move he motioned for me to start dressing up with a smirk, handing me my bra and t-shirt. We slowly clambered out of the stall, stretching and trying to get all the body parts to working order again.

“How about,” Yoongi drawled out, self-assured and with the attitude of someone who just got their rocks off, “you ditch the lecture you never really go to anyway and we grab something to eat?” I stopped in my tracks, shocked but pleasantly surprised at his offer. I checked the time quickly.

“There’s only like 10 minutes of class left, I can sit that out and then we can go,” I answered, smiling softly, but Yoongi smirked with all his might, something devilish glinting over his face. He leaned towards me, grabbing me lightly by my shoulders.

“Not looking like that, you can’t,” he whispered meanly and spun me around. The moment I laid my eyes on myself in the mirror, I gasped. Yoongi was standing behind me grinning like the devil admiring his handiwork. My neck was littered in little bites and spots ranging from dark pink across red all the way to purple. Yoongi let out a satisfied hum, almost sounding like a purr, his hands going across my waist to pull at the tee tucked into my skirt to reveal more reddish purplish bruises from his fingers.

I turned in his arms and slapped his shoulder lightly, completely flustered by his antics. “How can I walk out of here now? Everyone will know what I’d been doing instead of sitting at the lecture,” I whined, more embarrassed than angry, but Yoongi’s laughing face was totally free of any remorse, “I look like someone beat me up.”

The man said nothing, just pulled me closer to kiss me gently. I looked at him with wide eyes for a moment before I whined again: “I don’t even have a scarf with me today.” He burst out laughing and patted my hip softly.

“I’ll get your stuff, you wait here,” he whispered conspiratorially and with one last wink he was gone. It took him only three minutes to stick his head back into the bathroom, looking a little ruffled and a lot amused.

“I suggest we get going fast, I’m afraid a guy leaving the ladies restroom isn’t as inconspicuous as I wished it was,” he got out quickly, smirking impishly and handing me my coat. I tried to wear it in a way that covered most of the marks, but it was futile, more than half of my neck still on full display.

I walked out of the bathroom the same moment the door to my classroom opened and students started filing out. Yoongi exchanged a single glance with me before we both took off, running down the stairs like we were being chased, only stopping once the building doors slammed shut behind us.

“Jimin’s café?” Yoongi asked breathlessly, still trying to get his strength back and leaning on his knees. I grinned at him and grabbed his hand, already pulling him in the right direction.

“Sure, let’s go!”

Bonus:

“Holy shit! The fuck happened to you?” Jimin exclaimed loudly enough for the whole café to hear the moment he saw me walk through the door. Jungkook and Tae, who were sitting at a small table near the counter to keep Jimin company while he had his shift, turned to look at me only for Kookie to promptly spit out whatever he was drinking.

“Holy shit!” I gave him an unimpressed look and walked up to Jimin to order.

“A little dramatic, don’t you think?” I side-eyed him sassily, but Jungkook was grinning mischievously, a knowing glint in his eye. I flushed under his gaze and looked away at which he started laughing loudly.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you actually did it,” he giggled, properly entertained by the situation and by my embarrassment. Tae was watching it all unfold, confused look on his face.

“Did what?” Jimin asked, similarly confused.

As if on cue the door opened again and Yoongi stepped in, ignoring everyone currently staring at him and walking straight to me, arm curling around my waist to pull me closer to him. He bent down slightly to whisper in my ear: “Got rid of the evidence successfully.”

“Holy shit!” This time it was Tae who screamed, coming full circle. I gave their smug smiling faces an annoyed glare and turned to Jimin to order again, but he was trying to conceal his grin behind his hand. Even more vexed I turned to Yoongi who was smirking smugly like a cat who got all the cream, hand possessively squeezing at my bruised waist.

“On second thoughts, we shouldn’t have come here,” I said to no one in particular, then turning my narrowed eyes at the man of the hour himself, “and wipe that smirk off your face, mister.” There were giggles from the boys all around us, but Yoongi just swooped down and kissed me softly, then pushed us closer towards the counter.

Jimin cleared his throat and tried to put on a professional expression, but there was mirth in his eyes that I just knew I was going to get all the teasing later. Tae and Kookie cleared out the mess at the table and made space for us to sit down, one looking more amused than the other.

I gave them both the stink eye and ignored them, checking my phone instead, trying to reply to all the messages I’ve missed in the last hour. Around me there was silence, everyone just sitting there looking at each other grinning, before Jungkook cleaned his throat and exclaimed:

“God, fucking finally! Thought Yoongi-hyung was gonna talk my ear off about you!”

“Kookie!” There was a pretty blush spreading on Yoongi’s cheeks, a polar opposite to the cocksure man that was railing my brains out 20 minutes ago. I giggled and squeezed his arm. He gave in easily, leaning towards me.

Then he set his eyes on Jungkook and narrowed them teasingly. “We’re gonna settle that later you brat.”

#kpop fic #kpop smut #kpop fluff #bts fic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x reader #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #suga fic #yoongi fic #suga smut #suga fluff #suga x reader

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moonchild033 · 5 months ago

Text

🧊❄️YASHI'S MASTERLIST ❄️🧊

About Myself and The Blog

Manual Drawing of Divisional Charts: A Beginner's Guide

Excerpts from Old Astro Books

Random Astro Observations

Astro Observations -2

Astro Observations -3

Astro Observations-4

Astro Observations-5

Astro Observations-6

Vedic Placements and Evil Eyes

Past, Present and Future Karma Predictions by Saturn Aspects - Introductory Post

Saturn Aspects and it's Related Karma-Part 1

Saturn Aspects and it's Related Karma-Part 2

D6 Chart: Dissection of 6H

Few Indicators of Past Life Partners in Birth Chart

Indicators of Having Twin Babies

Pushkara Navamsa- A Hidden Gem in D9 Chart

Indicators of Having S*x before Marriage

Rahu-Ketu Dosha and Marriage

Rahu Mahadasha and Weddings

Business and Vedic chart Placements

Some Interesting Vedic Astro Stuff

Moon in the Houses (Part-1)

Moon in the Houses (Part-2)

5H placements and it's related notes

5H pregnancy and children

Agricultural Astrology

Aswini Nakshatra

Saturn in Water Signs

Jupiter-Saturn Conjunction/Aspects: A voice for social causes

Indicators of Marrying within the Extended Family

7H in Birth Chart: Enemies or Lovers?

Rahu in 5H and a Woman's Marriage Plight

Rahu/Ketu stars and The Air/Fire Signs: A Philosophical Perspective

Few Important Factors considered in Marriage Match Making according to Vedic Astrology

Moon signs and lucky colors

Mediocre or Way too good Vedic chart?

Sun in 9H

Names of Solar and Lunar Yogas

Dharma Karmadhipati Yoga

Neecha Bhanga Raj Yoga

Pancha Mahapurusha Yogas- Part 1

Pancha Mahapurusha Yogas- Part 2

❄️ASKS❄️

NOTE: Avoid sending 'asks' abt multiple placements or any detailed asks, I might choose to answer only if it interests me and is short. I answer long ones only if I find it to be unique🩵

Shravana Moon in 5H

Placements that indicate a non-religious personality

D1 and D9 chart

Rahu-Ketu (1-7 axis) in Bhavottama

Multiple personal placements-1

Multiple personal placements-2

Nakshatra Exchange

Others- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Random asks-1,2

New Blog Announcement

Divider credits: @saradika-graphics, @dollywons

Header credits: @saradika-graphics

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amywritesthings · 3 months ago

Note

Hii, I saw you are working on hallo sleepover and I wanted to send one! Is this the right place to ask for that? I hope it is😭 soo, I checked the promp lists and got really interested in autumn leaves/masquerade ball for levi ackerman x female reader or female oc, whichever you are comfortable with writing <3 I'm really craving for some levi royalty fic these days! Thank you!

hallo-sleepover '24!

...so this was supposed to be a drabble. it definitely isn't. i lowkey went a little insane with this one and wrote it in about two hours. hope u like xo

answers to callings.

pairing: levi ackerman x reader word count: 2.4k tags: medieval au, adult language, prince!levi, reader!knight, childhood friends turned unresolved tension, yearning and pining, first kisses, masquerade ball, dancing credit: dividers by @saradika-graphics

You know better.

When Prince Levi invites you to a masquerade ball, it shouldn’t be taken as an invitation to stride on his arm. Protecting the crown is your sworn oath. He’s obligated to ask you, his royal guard, to attend the Autumn Masquerade Ball for his safety.

And when he suggests to dress for the occasion (as you see fit, added hastily within the margins of his quill) it strikes you as odd. Not because of the lack of instruction, no: the prince has not once tried to dictate what you wear in his presence, a rare feat for a man standing in front of a woman.

He sees you in the image of the little girl who grew up beside him, the rambunctious friend, the formidable ally who never saw him as a burden with a golden crown.

You should know better than to ever presume it’s a true opportunity for courtship, as knights are sworn to bow to their dutiful crown.

Although he was your best friend many moons ago, the only man you could have ever seen yourself standing beside on an altar in a white dress—

Seasons have changed.

Years have passed.

He is the kingdom’s prince, not yours.

But why else would he have requested for you to dress for the occasion, as if your metallic exoskeleton protecting your true feelings and heart could be forgotten for the evening?

(You won’t receive an answer until you take the leap of faith.)

As opposed to greeting him at the door of his bed chambers in chainmail, you fidget with your fingers tucked under long, olive green sleeves. Velvet adorns your body, softening your silhouette as the skirt drags along the stone floors.

When Prince Levi opens his door — dressed head to toe in the family emeralds, the family brooch set upon his heart — he stops dead in his tracks at the sight of you. His stormy gray eyes fall without once looking at your face.

Oh.

Perhaps he only meant the scribbled afterthought as a jest.

You take a step back, the click of your shoe echoing against the large expanse of the corridor.

“There’s still time for me to change into my—”

“You wore the crown’s colors,” he observes in monotone, cutting off your worried rant.

His colors, more precisely.

Your face burns as you nod. “I thought it would be fitting. My armor holds the crest, and if a dress cannot do the same, then its fabric must bear its color.”

You can’t remember the last time you wore a dress around the prince. At the very least, you were both small and still so naive.

His father and yours, king and kingsguard all the same, allowed you both the luxury of spending what little youth you had as explorers, adventurers, in a life where Levi would never need to wear a crown and you would never lose him.

When you grew older and realized how little you’d see of him as a kingsguard’s daughter, you chose knighthood: pledging allegiance to a friend, your only friend, for the rest of your mortal days and beyond.

“So it was done out of obligation?” he asks flatly, brow disappearing under the black fringe of his hair as it rises to question you.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Of mockery, then.”

“My lord—”

“Because if you had worn your armor, then it would have presented me an opportunity to offer a change myself so that we could appear to the royal court in our battle wear, further pissing off my father, and therefore shortening this ball altogether.”

The corner of his lip ticks.

Oh.

He’s joking.

(Although little humor can be found by the crown, that rebellious boy with the insatiable fire is still in there somewhere. You just haven’t seen him in a while.)

“...oh, so now you mock me,” you joke in return.

He steps through the threshold of his bed chambers to meet you, toe to toe.

“I wouldn’t.”

In a rare moment of levity, you roll your eyes. It actually elicits a snort from the prince as he sweeps his cape behind his back, before his arm rises in a hook-like gesture.

“Let’s go,” Levi adds, lifting his elbow once towards you. “Before the blood-sucking suitors sniff me out from all the way over here.”

Right.

His potential spouses.

Because he’d been putting off the whole marriage nonsense altogether, citing peace talks among Eldia and Marley as his priority above all else.

“You know if they did, I’d never let them get within an inch of you,” you remind him as you loop through his arm, mindful of your proximity.

“I know,” he promises under his breath. “Above all else, I know.”

Within seconds your footsteps align, a harmonious click to scuffle with your heels and his boots, filling the firelit corridor with the announcement of the prince’s arrival. In unison, you lift your masquerade masks to situate them behind your ears and over the bridges of your noses.

By the time you reach the ballroom, the floor is already adorned with dancing couples from the kingdom and across the pond. Marleyean royalty dazzle and twirl to the quarter playing in the corner. The Eldians are a bit more subdued, discussing gossip and politics as the wine flows and the food is served.

Dozens upon dozens turn at the knowledge of the prince’s arrival and bow deeply, causing your stomach to churn.

You’re his first knight. You’re not meant to be on his arm.

You know it.

Those who know you also know it.

But as several eager suitors begin to curl around the ballroom floor, you feel Levi push not towards the throne-like chair awaiting his arrival — the very chair he’s sulked upon for most of these parties, wishing he were anywhere but —

Forward.

Down the stairs, towards the dance floor.

“What are you doing?” you whisper to the prince, brows knit under the planes of the mask.

“Saving us both.”

“With what?”

“Just trust me,” he whispers before detaching from you.

The significance of the moment hits you only a second too slowly, until suddenly you feel a warm hand run along your waist to secure behind your back.

His other hand seeks out yours, curling his fingertips around your palm. Yours hangs limply at your side, not quite understanding what he’s doing until there are some gasps of surprise and confusion.

“His Royal Highness, Prince Levi Ackerman, has chosen his first dance suitor.”

No.

Oh — you were not supposed to be here.

When you whip your attention around to the eyes on you, you feel Levi’s hand leave your waist to grab your free hand. They both lift until your palm rests on the emerald sash decorating his shoulder.

“Eyes on me.”

Obeying without another thought, your eyes meet.

“Don’t think.”

Before you can think, the music begins.

He pushes forward and you nearly stumble backward, but his fingers flex along the small of your back. The prince pushes you closer, his eyes boring into yours.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten the steps from the aggravating dance lessons.”

“From when we were ten?” you ask bluntly, breaking your stoic character.

The answer only brings that smirk back. “They taught us this godforsaken box of a dance. So damn mind-numbing. Yet I was left to suffer through more classes alone while you were off preparing for knighthood.”

“Is that how you recall it?”

“Do you call your prince a liar?”

He’s still being playful.

Around this time of night, he’s moody and disconnected. He’d much rather pull teeth than waltz around the dancefloor with the chosen (see: chosen for him) suitor that begs for his hand, but it’s what he’s required to do.

Except, on this night, he ran straight to the ballroom floor.

No formalities. No attempts of escaping.

He twirls you, and suddenly you’re that much closer to his body when you turn back around.

“You’re meant to choose a suitor for this dance, my lord,” you murmur, mindful of your steps the longer you’re both forced to take it.

“I didn’t want to.”

“That’s seen as disrespectful.”

“I disrespect, then.”

Prince Levi focuses on memorizing your features, as if compelled to look at you and only you. You watch him, counting the steps in your head for this dance.

“And don’t do that.”

“Do what, my lord?”

“That,” he states. “You are on my arm tonight. So it is not lord, not prince.”

Twirling one final time as the music swells to a close, your hand lands on the crook of his neck where your fingertip manages to catch skin. The prince’s eyes flutter, as if captivated by the way it feels on his bare flesh.

“Then what?” you whisper as you stand there, basking in the final step.

“Levi,” he answers. “As it was before.”

Levi.

You haven’t called him that in such a long time.

Your lips part to speak, but the ballroom erupts into applause for their prince.

Quickly your mouth shuts, unwilling to compete with the crowd.

Levi’s brows are knit, staring down at your lips as if expecting something — only to deflate when he realizes you aren’t going to say anything.

An opportunity, lost.

“Would you accompany me to the gardens?” he asks instead, filling the white noise with his velvet-smooth voice. Your conjoined hand gets a squeeze to bring you back to solid ground.

“If that is what you command,” you weakly state, trying to continue the facade, the masks, you’ve both shared through the last few years.

Levi’s nostrils flare before he steps out of the dance circle. Other couples eager to meet for the next song flood past you, obscuring the two of you through a battling undercurrent.

It’s dangerous, is your first line of thought.

He should be behind me.

By the time you wish to reverse the order, to protect him, you're met with the crisp air of the night sky. Flames flicker against stone walls, illuminating the rose garden and shrubberies that curl around it. The dark sky twinkles with budding stars.

Levi stands with his back to you, your arms tethered at the wrist. For a moment he stands there, head bowed.

“Why are you avoiding your suitors?”

It’s a question you wish you could take back as soon as you say it. When he turns, the familiar scowl people know the prince for comes into view. He’s often seen as a snob, nose upturned at everyone but himself — and you.

“Of all people, you are not allowed to judge,” he growls, catching you off guard. “You swore off suitors when you swore to protect the crown. You needn’t answer to anyone’s call.”

“Because I answer to yours,” you defends yourself, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yes, so why can I not answer in return?”

When your brow knits, he takes a few steps forward. He enters your orbit in haste, his hand running through his wild raven hair.

“I send parchment for your arm, I bring you to court to dance, yet you’re somehow so damn blind to it.”

“To what?” you ask under your breath, your body growing numb.

If he implies—

No, that cannot be the truth.

Yet the more he speaks to you, he looks like that boy you left behind all those years ago. Not the prince, but Levi — the boy who has never once offered affection to another woman yet still begs of you to see him.

Levi moves another step forward, his boot slipping under the hem of your dress, and stops himself when he gets too close to your lips. You feel his hot breath pulse across your face, causing heat to rise through your body.

His eyes flicker across your face, as if searching for a sign to stop. When you stare wide-eyed in return, lost in your own feelings — gods all of the feelings you’ve swallowed down, down, down when it came to all the people wishing for his hand — for the first time since you were young.

“Command me.”

When he whispers, lightning jolts through your veins. Commanding someone of royal blood is a death sentence. Yet you know what he’s asking — why he’s asking.

“But you are my prince.”

“I am only a man,” he corrects in a murmur, shaking his head, “and you are more holy than any damned crown so I cannot take — but I beg of you, to ask.”

Everything turns to ash in your mind. Any panic, any worry, any doubt that his feelings could be reciprocated — they culminate to this moment.

This, where you can look up at Levi Ackerman, the prince who stole your heart, and command.

“Kiss me, Levi.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice.

Levi gathers you in his arms, his push forward so intense that you both stumble back into the dark corner of the castle’s exterior. His palm cradles the back of your head as he kisses you, drowning in the taste of you, and he practically moans at the mere feeling of it.

You try to keep up, kissing him back with equal impatience. Pulling and pushing you meet him kiss for kiss, your hand nestled upon the cool surface of his cheek. He swears under his breath, a curse only for you, before he ducks his chin and deepens the kiss.

The moan that slips across your tongue causes the hand at your waist to grip it tighter.

Although it’s a foreign feeling, you find your mouth opening when his lips part, your tongues meeting in the middle. It feels wrong — but the feeling quickly fades when his thigh wedges between yours and presses.

Levi pulls away, face flushed and eyes hazy. You both pant, your chests touching as you seek a stolen breath in this finite space between you.

Yet you can’t stop looking at him.

“I want nothing more than to have you,” Levi confesses. “All facets of you. I won’t jeopardize your knightship, but I wish to court none other.”

His forehead drops to yours.

You melt at the feeling, the intimacy, despite how you should pull away and do your duty as his sworn protector. You swore off marriage, but to be courted by one of the royal family…

It would be nullified.

If you wanted him, is what Levi has been trying to say this entire night.

“Then choose me,” you decide finally, softly, against his lips.

Although your eyes are closed, you feel it: a rare smile from the prince himself.

“I already have,” he promises. “I just had to wait for you to choose me, too.”

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader #levi x reader #levi x you #aot x reader #aot fanfic #snk fanfic #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman fic #hallosleepover 24 #medieval au #medieval au fic

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quinnysnursery · 3 months ago

Note

quinny may i request a little!matt with pots fic pretty please 😁

[🩹] salty kisses | matt sturniolo one-shot

paring : pots!little!matt sturniolo x fem!cg!reader

summary : collection of moments with pots!little!matt and his cg navigating his symptoms

warning/extra tid-bits : throw up in the first section!! to skip it just start reading at "Air Hunger" instead!! crying, i think that's all?

word count : 2,195

divider credit : umm i found all the photos on pinterest :3 (little leafy dot things (cg says it's peas) from @saradika-graphics)

a/n : guys guess who's helping me write this? if you guessed "quinnys cg, who has pots" you'd be correct (not proof read, i'm just a girl!)

Those with POTS may experience...nausea,

Matt groaned, the uneasy feeling in his stomach had been relentlessly getting worse for the past two hours. It didn’t help that he was deep in littlespace, which only made him more sensitive to the discomfort. What did help though, was you. His caregiver.

“I know baby, I know.” You comfort, wiping sweat from your little’s forehead. “Do you think you're gonna be sick?” You ask quietly, not wanting to scare the regressed boy. Matt hated puking or anything to do with throwing up for that matter, but if he did think he was gonna be sick- then you needed to be prepared.

He shrugged, curling further into your side- frustrated with his current situation. He felt too nauseous to do anything.

“Mama’s gonna get you some ginger ale to help.” You decide, standing up and pressing a delicate kiss on Matt’s temple before excusing yourself to the kitchen.

You swung the fridge door open, eyes darting around for the stash of mini Canada Dry cans that you made sure to keep on hand for situations just like this. Grabbing one, you crack the tab open on your way back to your little one.

You stop in your tracks- finding that Matt was no longer on the couch. “Matty?” You call out, placing the miniature can onto the coffee table with a soft “clink!”.

You felt your heart break as you heard the familiar sounds of Matt retching- his nausea had won. “Oh baby boy…” You coo, pushing the wooden bathroom door open and crouching next to the boy hunched over the toilet. Matt choked out a pained whine, tears running down his cheeks.

“Shh, mama’s here. Just let it out.” You comfort, rubbing soothing circles into his back.

When Matt’s stomach finished betraying him and he rinsed out his mouth, he leaned back into your chest- soft sniffles escaping the boy. You placed gentle kisses atop his head, assuring him that you were right there with him and weren’t going anywhere.

Those with POTS may experience...air hunger,

“Mama’s here, mama’s right here.” You comfort, holding onto Matt’s hand tightly- thumb rubbing the backside of his hand. Matt gasped out for air for what felt like the 100th time in the past twenty minutes, “I-Is’ not workin’!” The regressed boy cried out, panic obvious in his voice.

“Hey, baby-” You push Matt’s hair away from his eyes, bringing his attention to you. “Big breath in with mama, ‘kay?” You readied him, he nodded- despite his panic, he trusted you.

“In,” You took a deep breath in, Matt following. You pause for a moment, “Out.” You breathe out your nose. Matt followed, though you weren’t sure if it helped due to his shaky hands continuing.

“Did that help? D’you wanna try again?” You offer, causing Matt to shake his head. “Hug.” He sniffled, still trying to fulfill his lungs' need for air. You wasted no time in wrapping your arms around the boy, placing your chin atop of his hair.

You knew how scary this could be for Matt- especially since both he and his doctors hadn’t found a way to alleviate the symptom yet, other than to “wait it out”- and it broke your heart that you couldn’t fix the situation. However, you could sit with him until it passed, which you were always happy to do.

Those with POTS may experience...brain fog.

Matt let out a low, frustrated whine as he slammed his index finger down on the left arrow-key of his laptop’s keyboard. He’d be rewinding this 22 minute episode of Gravity Falls for the past 40 minutes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to keep track of the episode’s storyline for the life of him.

“Everything okay, angel?” You ask him, looking away from your own work to focus your attention on your brunette boy. Matt shrugged, trying to find the words.

This only made you shut your own laptop, scooting it away from you. “Are you feelin’ too little for Gravity Falls? D’you wanna watch something else?” You offer, lowering your head slightly to meet Matt’s eyes. Your heart broke as you realized they were filled with tears, “Oh baby…are you feelin’ bad?”

That broke the dam. Matt was exhausted, his brain felt too heavy for his skull and he felt as if the world had a haze over it. Yet, he had no way to communicate that. Words were too much work.

“C’mon love, let’s take a nap.” You hum, standing up off the couch and offering him your hand. Only then did you realize Matt was in no position to walk up stairs, nor did you want to risk a fainting spell.

“Couch nap?” You ask, Matt stared blankly at you for a few moments before nodding slowly- lowering himself to lay down on the couch. You snagged a throw blanket out of the blanket placed near the couch, laying it over your boy. “Get some rest, I love you.” You murmur, moving his hair away from his forehead and planting a kiss against his forehead.

Those with POTS may experience...dizziness,

The sound of giggling littles filled your living room as Chris and Matt played with action figures on the plush carpet. “Wooosh!” Chris giggled, sitting up on his knees and making iron man soar through the sky. Matt watched his younger brother (older, if you were referencing their current headspaces.) with excitement in his eyes.

It occurred to Matt as he watched Chris move the action figure through the air that he wanted you to be a part of their imaginary game. You were currently in the kitchen with Nick, chatting over a cup of coffee…but you always said he was more than welcome to ask you to play!

“Mama ‘n Nick?” Matt asked, grabbing Chris’ attention. “You wan’ them to play ‘oo?” His brother asked, earning a confirming nod from his quieter brother. “Okay! C’mon!” Chris giggled, quickly bouncing to his feet and rushing towards the kitchen- before stalling for his brother. “C’moooon Matt!” Chris whined impatiently.

Matt attempted to do the same as his brother- bouncing onto his feet in one swift motion. Sadly for him though, Matt’s body wasn’t programmed the same as Chris’ body was.

He stumbled back on his feet, his brain scrambling into a staticy mess- making his vision go white for a split second as the floor swayed beneath him.

Chris’ eyes widened at Matt’s uneasy posture. “Y/N! NICK!” He called out, instantly sending both caregivers out of their chairs and into the living room.

“What’s going on?!” Both caregivers called, Y/N’s eyes instantly looking towards Matt. “Oh honey,” The woman cooed, placing a gentle hand on Matt’s shoulder as he steadied himself- waiting for the room to stop spinning.

“Got up ‘oo quick.” Matt mumbled out, leaning into his caregiver’s touch. Y/N nodded, understanding.

Once Matt was able to stand up on his own, confidently, Chris sprung into apologies. “M’ sorry Matty…forgot ‘m gotta be gentler with you.” He mumbled sheepishly, earning a quick “...’s okay! Play still?” From his brother.

Chris nodded enthusiastically, looking towards Nick and Y/N with hopeful eyes. “Mama play?” Matt asked quietly. You wasted no time nodding, “Of course, baby.”

Those with POTS may experience...blood pooling.

Both you and Matt were standing in the kitchen, waiting for dinner to be ready. “Do you want apple juice or fruit punch with your soup?” You ask as you open up the fridge, the cool air hitting you in the face as your eyes travel around to the drink options. You paused for a few moments, waiting for your little one to respond.

“Baby?” You call out, turning your head to see Matt staring down at his feet. Matt looked up, pointing down at his feet with his index finger. “Puw’ple.” He said softly, he was right- his feet were discolored to a light shade of purple. You couldn’t help but gently chuckle at the casualness of his tone, it truly was just another part of living with POTS for Matt.

“I’ll get your socks, can you sit on this stool for me?” You ask, turning off the burner of the stove and patting the countertop stool near you. Matt nodded, shuffling into his seat. You wasted no time rushing upstairs, grabbing a pair of compression socks from his dresser and one of his stuffed animals.

“Fox!” Matt smiled excitedly at your choice of socks, “Yeah baby! Foxes!” You enthuse, helping him get the compression socks on.

Those with POTS may experience...fainting.

You knew it was coming since Matt came downstairs this morning. Whether it was intuition or sheer-dumb-luck…you knew.

That’s why you insisted on being a part of the video the triplets were filming later that night.

“Can I come?” You asked, knowing you wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. “Umm, I can ask if we can change our reservation for a plus one.” Matt explained, pulling out his phone to ask his brothers.

As you stared up at the neon sign that read “AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR ADVENTURE PARK” you realized that this was possibly the worst video idea the triplets ever had- considering Matt’s disability.

Of course, you knew that Matt knew this but the ear to ear smile that he had plastered on throughout the entire drive to the adventure park, signing the waivers and while explaining to the camera what the three boys were going to be doing was enough for you to keep your concerns to yourself.

That was until the last obstacle course. The boys had decided to save the biggest one for last, and Matt decided to go last- which terrified you immediately seeing as Matt had already been complaining about feeling dizzy.

“C’mon Matt!” Chris teased as his older brother clung onto one of the ropes of an obstacle. The three boys continued screaming out “encouraging” words as Matt’s legs shook on the unsteady surface- the changing of positions had to be triggering Matt’s dysautonomia.

Matt accepted defeat and let go- falling onto the inflatable cushioning. “Matt!” Nick laughed, holding the vlogging camera. Matt sat up, using his elbows to prop himself up- his eyes immediately darting to yours.

“Ma’...” He sniffled, a familiar feeling looming over him as his eyesight started to go. “Oh shit,” Chris cursed under his breath, signaling for Nick to put the camera down. You wasted no time rushing to your boy, crouching next to him.

“I’ve got’ya.” You comfort, reaching out for your little. Matt stood up on shaky feet- wanting to get off the course before fainting. “Are you okay to walk?” You asked, offering your arms out for Matt to balance against.

Matt whined, his regression had come on so suddenly that he was even more disoriented than usual. “You alright, bud?” Nick asked, worried for his younger brother- he’d been Matt’s caregiver for years before you took over.

Matt’s head spun at the amount of concerned glances and worried looks he was getting and his heart was beating at a rate that hurt his chest. “C’mon baby,” You attempted to redirect, guiding Matt off the course.

The two of you made it about five steps before Matt’s feet felt too weak to continue, his eyes falling shut and his body falling forward. Your reflexes were lightening fast, grabbing onto Matt before he could hit the floor- thanking Chris for rushing to help you get Matt onto the ground safely.

Nick rushed to get your purse, assuming you’d carry things to make Matt’s fainting spells easier. “Thank you Nick,” You smiled, putting your bag under Matt’s legs in an attempt to elevate them- a technique you learned whilst researching POTS.

When Matt finally came too, he whined at the bright lights- instantly shielding his eyes. The youngest triplet was the first to recognize, “Hey bud, you feel okay?” Chris’ voice was unusually gentle.

Matt let out a low whimper, eyes searching for you. “Mama?” He asked, still disoriented from his fainting spell. You shushed him, resting your hand on his shoulder- not wanting him to sit up just yet.

“I’m here baby, Nick’s here too.” You smiled as Nick waved playfully at Matt- causing him to giggle breathly.

After a few moments, Matt sat up. You instantly began digging around your purse, searching for a favorite salty snack you kept on you at all times- for cases just like this. You let out a cartoon-ish, “Aha!” as you pulled the small packet of goldfish crackers out your purse, handing them to your little.

Matt smiled, head clearer than before as he began chowing down. “I’m gonna ask for a water bottle.” Nick declared, standing up to find an employee. Chris opted to go with him to give you two some space- not before you thanked him yet again.

“T’ank ‘ou mama.” Matt smiled at you, salt from the fish-shaped crackers on his lips. “Of course baby, we’ll grab dinner on the way home so don’t eat too many.” You informed him, though you didn’t have the heart to take the snack away from the regressed boy. Matt nodded, setting the bag of goldfish down on the ground next to him and leaning over to press a salty kiss onto your cheek.

taglist !! :

@natedoeswife @blahbel668 @nicksloverrr @flow3rsturns13 @pkfferoo @pixxiies @mattsturnswhore @17welch17 @pinksikhewei @v33angel @mattssturnz @littlestar44 @graceslittlecorner @zivall @hrtz4alex2211 @bimbob1tch @sturnsxplr-25 @cherry-red-heart @pr3ttyf4wn @frlinbruh @jazminepetit-homme @raynaaxx @tyummyz

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afortoru · 4 months ago

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Just a random thought 💭

Husband!Satoru x fem!reader

Ok so now I'm in a cloth store basically you sit infront of the counter and they show you the dresses which are kept on the shelves....

So I'm thinking of going shopping with husband!Satoru...like the lady shows you the dresses and your dear husband is very observant because he knows what colour suits you the best (even though in his eyes you look good in every colour), what colour you like the best etc etc...

Once you and satoru choose a few dresses to try on and you go inside to change and a few minutes later you come out and oh he's mesmerized he walks towards you gently touching your curves to check if the dress fits you well and if you'll be comfortable enough.

You can see the seriousness and dedication in his eyes to choose the best for you.

"how are you feeling?" He asks as he examines the fabric between his fingers.

You have to cup his cheeks gently asking him to let out a breath 🥹

"toru...." You call him and chuckled.

The ladies there are also adoring you two oh such an attentive husband you have.

He's admiring you in every clothes you try on and he loves all of them but of course you two end up buying 2 more than you already planned to buy ;3

divider credit~ @/saradika-graphics

#𝒶'𝓈 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝑜𝒾𝓇 ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶ #gojo x reader #gojo x y/n #gojo x you #satoru x reader #satoru x y/n #satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo satoru x you #gojo fluff #jjk fluff #jjk fic #gojo satoru fic #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x y/n #gojo satoru fluff

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choco-bite · 9 months ago

Text

First of all this is nsfw blog so i do not want any minors lurking around here. Shooo! You don’t belong here. This blog is not for you.

And people over 18 please put your age in your bio or I’ll block you. I need your age visible when i stalk your blog from reblogs

Hello, myself J (picky for telling my name) 26yo switch leaning soft dominant. Lately I’ve been enjoying posting about being a sub so there’s that. My pronouns are he/him and I’m straight. Do not ask for personal details if we get comfortable I’ll tell you. I’m very much flirtatious so i like to flirt with everyone when i get the chance and the right opportunity. Also I’m a writer. A true hopeless romantic by heart. Sometimes im clingy, get obsessive and pretty possessive. I’m here to have fun and explore my kinks and meet similar minded people.

Spamming is a love language for me. If i like your blog, I’ll spam you, like your posts a lot and may drop a cute ask.

I may or may not follow you. I would like to follow those who posts their own thoughts here. I’m tired of seeing the same posts over and over through reblogs. So if you’re blog with just reblogs I won’t follow you.

– My kink includes:

Breeding, praise kink, degradation kink, humiliation kink, somno kink, ddlg, mdlb, pregnancy, piss kink, dirty talk, spanking, anal, rimming, orgasm control, orgasm denial, total power exchange, roleplay, adult nursing relationship & more

– my limit includes:

Scat, gore, vomit, sharing, threesomes, foursomes, hardcore stuff, balls kicking, licking shoes, licking floor, toilet stuff will include more later

Title/honorifics I prefer: daddy/dad (when domming)

Title/honorifics i want to call you by: mommy, princess, queen (when subbing)

Petnames i adore: baby, my babyboy, cute boy, little boy, sweetheart, darling, my love, my little prince

Dm is open for anyone right now. I maybe closing or opening as i see fit. I work and sometimes it gets hectic for me to reply. It’s not you just my stupid work. I’m always down to make friends tho. Hit me up anytime <3

My telegram:- homesickforyou

My Instagram:- draftsughh

However I’m not much of a conversation starter. If you want to talk just hit me up. I don’t mind 💋

Aftercare is everything

Consent is everything

do not kink shame or I’ll block you on site

my posts under tag: choco typing

My asks under tag: choco spilling

few tags I adore: oh mommy & me and who

reblog if my posts made you cum, twitchy, leaky, creamy

If you’ve cummed to my posts you’re obligated to tell me [and give me something as a gift 🫢🎀]

stay safe, stay healthy and be kinky

l love you 3000

Divider credits goes to: @saradika-graphics @steddiecameraroll-graphics @anitalenia

#choco typing #choco spilling #choco pics #want mommy 🥺🎀❤️#me and who 🥺🎀🩷#send asks

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evolnoomym · 4 months ago

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Secrets and Lies 🌜

Gilf!Joel Miller, Dilf!Jack Miller x f!reader

Pt.1🌛 | Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist

Summary: The filthy Adventures continue, but now Jack joins the fun. Together they make your dream of taking them at the same time come true. But what about James?

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 4.5k

Authors note: Finally we got the long awaited Part 2. I hope y’all enjoy cuz I put a lot of energy into this and yes it’s filthy so don’t look at me. 👀🤭

Warnings: no y/n, female reader, Moon is not a name necessarily but more a nickname, age-gap, controversial age gap, cheating, infidelity, unethical I guess, Joel doesn’t need blue pills, 2 other male OC’s, Joel=Grandpa Jack=Son James=Grandson, Moon has tits and a vagina, hair pulling, male receiving oral, female receiving oral, use of a butt plug, ass eating, fingering, deep throating, cream pie’s, fluff in between, nipple licking & biting, anal and vaginal penetration, dp, sucking+biting, Moon bites too, dildo use, lotsssssss of lube, ambiguous ending,

If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Shoutout to @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics for the dividers and big thank you to @joelmillerisapunk & @jennaispunk for beta reading. <3

Credit for the Gilf!Joel Pic in the Moodboard goes to @iamasaddie 😈

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. 😅🫶🏻

🌜Songs that are the vibe🌛:

Crush - Ethel Cain

Love Is a Bitch - Two Feet

Guys My Age - Hey Violet

You Don’t Own Me - SAYGRACE, G-Eazy

Moth To A Flame - The Weeknd

BITCH - Allie X

Oh Child - The LION

Let Me Love You - Mario

I’m Yours - Isabel LaRosa

Love Game - Lady Gaga

BABYDOLL - Ari Abdul

Les - Childish Gambino

After Jack had walked in on you and Joel, not a whole lot changed. In fact it seemed to only have gotten better for you. Who in their right mind would say no to two absolute hunks. Admittedly Joel had caught your eye first, but it was not undeniable that Jack was just as hot. Both are older men, mature, dominating and they know exactly how to treat a woman right. That dumbass of a boyfriend could never compare. James didn’t care about you, he was only focused on his own pleasure, but you know how pathetically he likes to brag about what a wonderful boyfriend he is. Perhaps you are not entitled to complain, you had cheated first, you are not good either but it’s worth it.

Every weekend the Millers have a family dinner, which of course being James girlfriend, you also get to attend those functions.

You are out on the back porch that oversees Joel’s beautiful lush garden, standing right by the railing, sipping on the aperol spritz that Jack had prepared for you. While the bitter sweet liquid easily goes down your throat, you watch James sit on a lounger by the pool, animatedly talking into his phone. Always busy talking to his bro’s.

As you frown into your drink you hear the glass doors slide open behind you. Picking up on their gruff, deep yet calming tone makes you immediately care less about the disappointment of another evening practically being ignored by your boyfriend.

Your frown turns into a smirk when they each come to a stop beside you and you can feel their eyes on the sides of your face.

They are equally accessing you, while you silently continue to sip on your beverage.

It’s funny, you are convinced that even if James would pay attention. Really look at you, he wouldn’t realize how not only his Father but also his Grandfather are undressing his Girlfriend with their eyes.

He is that dumb.

Joel is the one to break the peaceful quiet atmosphere. “Talkin’ to his goddamn buddies again, isn’t he?” A shiver runs up your spine from hearing his deep baritone so clear and close.

You scoff “Isn’t that what always happens, what did we expect, huh?”

Closing your eyes momentarily, you inhale deeply before continuing “But it’s not like I don’t have way better company, right?” You turn to Joel and then to Jack giving them both the smile they love seeing on your face.

“S’ right baby, you are in good hands.” Jack muses.

You look ahead smugly giggling.

“Why don’t you prove it?” It’s a challenge, would they dare to touch you when James is not far away. The flowy short skirt you decided to wear gave them the perfect opportunity and sure enough it didn’t take much longer before you felt two big warm hands slowly sliding down your back.

The sensation made your breath hitch and your mouth went dry, making you throw back the last bit of Aperol Spritz. Those big wandering hands made you feel incredibly flustered, you are pretty sure you must look like a tomato, all flushed. You could easily blame it on the unrelenting heat or the alcohol coursing through your body.

Both hands slipped past your skirt's hem, gently touching the back of your thighs and when they slide back up pulling the hem with them. One hand carefully stuffed the hem into the waistband of the skirt to secure it and you looked down at yourself to make sure the front looked unaffected.

Their hands are groping and kneading your ass cheeks so deliciously, it’s impossible to not get wet from their ministrations. Of course they can tell you struggle to keep your arousal concealed, your clenched thighs, elevated breathing, tense jaw and iron grip on the railing are already enough indication.

Either they had this situation all planned out or they are just truly that good at silently communicating. Without a saying a word, one hand move to pull your thong aside, while the other one sweeps through your moist folds, collecting a decent amount before pulling away.

Said hand which you now figure out belongs to Jack is held right in front of your face. You can smell the sweet-salty musk of your own juices on his fingers.

“Look at that baby, she’s messy, drooling all for us, ain’t she?” Your head turns to Jack, you are met with a questioning head tilt and a big smirk adorning his face. Whenever you look at them you ask yourself how you got so lucky. Jack, just like his Father, is insanely stunning. Fluffy dark brown hair, blue-grey eyes, a strong painted nose, his 3-day beard and those lips you loved feeling on your own.

It’s obvious that they enjoy playing with you.

“Go ahead Moon Love, say it, who does that little cunt belong to, huh?” He nods at you encouragingly.

“S.s..she he belongs to you” you nod stammering through the everlasting throbbing of your core.

“ ‘s a good girl, god job darlin’” Joel’s voice has your head whipping around to him. You can’t help yourself from smiling at his handsome face. Even though he’s 60 years old, you can’t deny how incredible attractive he is. His grey-white slicked back hair, the slight wrinkles around his eyes from smiling and that goddamn mustache have you wake in the knees. He’s a masterpiece.

You feel light headed, like floating, all from being sandwiched between them.

The three of you are swiftly pulled from the cloud y’all had been on by the sound of someone approaching.

Joel quickly slides your thong and skirt back in place, while Jack sucks on his fingers that had just been between your thighs. The obscene slurping noises made it hard to focus on James that suddenly decided he wanted to be part of the conversation.

You meet him halfway up the porch and he immediately slides his arms around your waist, pulling you close to his chest.

“What are we talking about,hm? Did Moon talk y’all’s ears off too about her new plant. Had that on the ride here.” He scoffs but tries to make it appear jokingly, when everyone already knows he is just being a condescending asshole for no reason.

“Nah was all us borin’ the pretty thing with our baseball nonsense, wasn’t it Jack?” Your heart soars at the way Joel perhaps not super subtly comforts you. He despises his Grandson for being such an inconsiderate boy.

When James acts like this, you feel less and less bad about what happens in secret and all the lies you tell him.

Whenever you leave for Joel’s residence you tell your boyfriend you just want to catch up with your old friends and like the idiot that James is, he assumes you’re going to Sammy’s. You met her when you went to school to become a Kindergarten Teacher, she lives a couple hours away, that fact leaves you with enough time to spend playing with your two favorite Men in the world.

Every week, usually once, sometimes twice when the desperate need to feel their hands on your body takes over you meet up with them. In the beginning Jack was not allowed to participate, no, he could only watch from his seat how his Father defiled that sweet young girl. As much as Joel wanted to share, he struggled letting someone else have a piece of the cake, you were his precious Angel after all.

It felt so good when Joel let him eat you out for the first time and judging the iron grip Jack had on your hips, he seemed to be very excited as well. Unrelentingly lapping at your core until you came on his tongue screaming his name.

The frustrating part was that they never worked on you at the same time, which something you wanted so badly, so Joel offered to get you there.

That’s how you ended up bent over, with your knees planted on his Lazy-Boy, you were facing away from him leaning on the headrest.

“Moon Love, i know ya want to get these slutty holes filled,” he said while dragging his pointer finger down your drooling pussy and circling your puckered asshole “But I gotta prep ya for that first, can’t jus’ take the both of us without any training,hm?”

You know he’s right, they would probably hurt you if the preparation gets skipped, besides who said that couldn’t also bring you pleasure.

“Yes, I’m sorry, you are right Daddy. How will you do it?” You look over your shoulder back at him kneeling between your spread thighs, you really want to know what he had planned.

“Atta girl,” as he rose to his full height he clasped both cheeks roughly giving them a generous squeeze and pulling them apart to get another clear look at your tight hole.

“Jus’ wait a second baby, I’ve got somethin’ for ya,” with that he lets go of you.

The air shifted and you felt another pair of calloused warm hands on your plush behind, just barely grazing you in passing. After rounding you, Jack came to a halt before you and even when kneeling on the Lazy-Boy the crown of your head barely reached his chin.

“What do you think he will do to me?”

You are nervously chewing on your bottom lip and Jack reaches up with two fingers to pull it free. With the same two fingers he cradled your chin and tips your head up. “Don’t worry darling, whatever the old man has planned for you will be enjoyable. Ya know he got that experience he always brags about.” He winks at you before softly placing a kiss on your lips. It might’ve been just a quick peck but you immediately feel put at ease.

As you hear Joel come back down the stairs, Jack leans in to whisper in your ear “I’ll stay right here keep an eye on you Moon Love, hm?” When he pulls away he slightly nudges your head, his cheeky attitude makes you giggle. That’s the sound he loves so much that sweet, soft and melodic laughter fills his heart with pride.

You mouth a silent Thank you up at him.

“Ya two lovebirds havin’ fun without me, huh?” You turn your head back to Joel as he’s sitting down on the stool placed behind you. Yeah you definitely know where Jack gets his cheekiness from.

You give him your best cheeky smile “Nuh uh, we would neverrrr do that Daddy,” as you start persuasively rocking your hips from side to side.

“Tsk,tsk what a naughty little tease we’ve caught ourselves here,” you enjoyed when they almost behaved as if you weren’t right there, bend over between them.

“Anyway, I got a lil gift for our sweet girl,” Joel reached behind himself picking up a small rectangular black box and a bottle of…lube? You start frowning “Why do we need lube?”

“Cuz that sweet ass won’t get wet like your pussy baby, we will need lots of lube to make sure you have a good time.” He nods reassuring and hands you the little black box “Go on open it, show Jack what’s in the box,”

So you turn around holding it up to Jack and shake it to see if there’s any indication through sound but nothing happens.

“Okay, come on baby stop playing around and open it I’m curious,”

You slowly lift the lid off and all you see is what looks like a half-moon shaped topaz diamond surrounded by some black foam.

“A diamond?” You are quite confused, both had gotten you gifts before but this seems different.

Joel laughs darkly while gripping your hips “Ain’t for ya finger Angel,” one of his big hands is placed on your spine urging you to arch your back more. Before you can even think about it any longer you feel something wet and warm flickering over your puckered hole. Joel’s tongue. His beard scratches your cheeks so nicely.

“Fuckkkk, th..that feels so good,ughh” you are unable to hold the moans back.

He alternates between using the flat of his tongue on your neglected core and the pointy end on your asshole trying to wiggle his way in.

“Yes, yes Godddd Daddy, don’t stop,”

The shock of the sudden unknown stimulation has you forgetting all about the black box, but luckily Jack is right there. You don’t even register that he has taken the diamond out of its foam casing, until something cold and smooth touches your cheek. When you look up at him he’s holding onto the moon diamond but now you can see that it’s a lot more than just that.

“Wh..what is that?” You struggle to formulate straight sentences with Joel treating your cunt but mainly your asshole like a 4 star dinner.

It looks like an oval shaped metal egg is attached to the diamond, you’ve never seen anything similar before. Jack chuckles at your surprised face “ ‘s a butt plug, sweetheart, used to stretch little holes like yours.” He starts tracing over your lips with the oval shaped ending “open up baby.” Jacks dirty words combined with Joel’s tongue have your thighs quivering, hands clawing at the top of the headrest, breath coming out in short huffs. You are close to unraveling and Joel can feel it by the way your holes are furiously clenching around his tongue.

You do without further notice, dropping your jaw, rolling your tongue out and letting Jack places the cold metal into your warm waiting mouth. You wrap your lips around the toy, sucking and swirling your tongue all around.

“Yeah, atta girl suck on it before we’ll plug up your little ass” he strokes the hair out of your face and pats your cheek affectionately, glancing down at you with an adoration that is strictly reserved for you.

Yes the three of you are doing something forbidden, something that should feel bad, but its more than just mindless sex, more than a impulsive decision. You love Joel and Jack, you’ve reached a point where you can admit to have fallen not only for your boyfriend’s Dad, but also his Grandfather. Sometimes you wish to never have met James, as his part in this situation is more than inconvenient but it was necessary.

You gasp loudly around the metal in your mouth when you sense Joel’s tongue being replaced by one of his thick digits.

“Hm baby, that ass of yours ‘s the best I ever tasted, a goddamn delicacy,” while he slides the tip of his pointer finger through your slit, collecting your wetness and spreading it all over your asshole. “Look at how wet ya got sweet girl, all from that ass played with,huh?”

You reach a hand up to Jacks holding on to the plug, urging him to pull it out and once he dies you turn your head back to Joel.

He feels like the luckiest man alive when you gaze at his weathered face with your fucked out expression and gorgeous smile.

He grabs the lube bottle and tilts his head up at you “want me to put a finger in that tight hole, stretch it out more, before I push that plug in and send ya home to him.”

Before you even have the chance to respond, Joel has already squeezed a generous amount of lube onto your hole. You jump slightly at the cool gel texture that collides with your hot core. “Okay sweetheart, last chance, ya want that finger in your ass, yes or no?” Only now does it occur to you that he actually wants audible consent for what he’s about to do to you. It reminds you how precious this bond is, James, in comparison, rarely cared enough to ask you. He just took what he wanted.

As you continue to trace Joel’s face with your eyes, you reach a hand behind yourself to cup his scruffy cheek “Yes Daddy, I’d love for you to fuck my ass with your fingers, before you plug me up and send me back to him.”

On the ride back to the flat you share with James, you reminisce about how the evening continued to unfold. Joel didn’t just fuck your ass with one finger, no, in the end he stretched you till three of his meaty digits fit.

That alongside his eager mouth sucking on your pulsing clit and Jack whispering sweet filth in your ear, had you coming in no time.

When you started to come down from reaching that high, Joel slowly with more lube added pushed the plug into your winking hole. The previous penetration made it incredibly easy and rather pleasant than uncomfortable.

Before Joel called you an Uber, he gave you intensive instructions on how to use the plug the next few days to help make the goal of taking their cocks at the same time somewhat easier.

Of course to prove that you are a good girl for them, you did just as instructed. Spending every free minute bent over in front of the bedroom mirror alternating between using the toy or your fingers.

Now almost a week later you are currently getting ready in the bathroom for the weekly Miller Dinner, putting the finishing touches to your make up and adjusting your hair. The dress you want to wear already laid out, all that’s left to do is insert the plug and off you go.

James is so obvious he doesn’t question at all why you would be so excited for the routinely Dinner, practically buzzing in your seat, giddily singing to the music blaring through the speakers with a big smile plastered across your face. In your dream you’d like to sandwiched between them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all the time. You miss them the second you leave Joel’s house, only in their company you feel so light and free.

You almost run towards the massive entrance door after James had parked his car but stop yourself at the last moment, instead waiting patiently for your boyfriend to put his hand on your lower back and push you towards the house. When the door opens it’s as if all the stress from the outside world falls away, a big weight lifted off your chest.

Again, if James would be more observant he’d notice that the way his Father and Grandfather hug you is longer than appropriate. How their hands glide down your back to squeeze your ass, noses buried in your neck to get a good waft of that sweet bourbon vanilla perfume Jack had bought for you. Speaking of Jack he has the cheekiness to not simply grope your butt, no, he decides to feel for the plug and give it a push. All while James is right there busy taking off his shoes.

As usual, when you sit down to eat at the huge maghony dinner table, it doesn’t take 5 minutes before James pulls out his phone to text god knows who. His blatant disrespect used to upset you but his extra distraction now is more than useful now. While he’s talking without a pause about the great weekend he’ll have with his buddies just a couple hours away from Austin on a camping trip. You have already begun to tune him out as you discreetly slide your spandex covered foot up Joel’s shin, all the way up over his thigh until you gently tap at his crotch his bulge more than apparent.

James nagging voice addressing you directly pulls you from the cloud you had just been floating on “Babe you gonna be okay without me?” As if you hadn’t survived many nights without him. “Of course baby, I’ll pay a visit to some old friends.” You respond while winking at Joel and Jack, yes the weekend surely will be fun.

The first 2 days were spent like all the countless previous weekly hook-up meetings, they lapped at your pussy and ass, eating you for hours till you screamed from overstimulation. You of course got a mouth full of cock whenever you wanted, happily gagging on them. They alternated between fucking you, either Joel was pounding you while Jack watched or the other way around. If they got lucky you offered your pretty mouth for the one watching.

And the current position on Joel’s massive bed isn’t any less enticing, you are propped up on all fours. Joel’s hips flush with yours, one hand tightly gripping your hip while the other holds the clear silicone dildo he slowly inserted at the beginning of the night into your tight ring. Jack is occupying your mouth with his thick length, holding your face in his big hands, persistently hitting the back of your throat, in a rhythm that matches the one Joel uses to push against your G-Spot.

The room smells like sex, sweaty, stuffy and all that can be heard is slapping of skin mixed with the wet noises all three of your used holes make. Accompanied by the deep husky moans of both Jack and Joel. When Joel feels your walls tighten around him, the decision is quickly made to momentarily end the fun. Some silent communication must happen, because Jack suddenly shifts his hips back causing his cock to slip out of your mouth.

“You did so good for us Angel,” he leans down and presses his lips against yours briefly, a welcome distraction as Joel pulls the silicone toy from your ass.

Jack releases your lips “Okay baby, let’s get you in position, hm?” Yes you’ve talked about it, so Joel also shifts away leaving you with an empty feeling in your abdomen. He lays down on his back and you crawl on top of him, lifting up slightly as Joel lines himself up with your entrance. Jack settles up behind you grabbing your hips to help you slide down, “how’s it feel Moon?”

You lean back, resting your head on his shoulder, biting your lip while your own hands

“F..Fee.. Feels sooo good,” you bend forward planting your palms on Joel’s shoulders “, butttt there’s something missing.” all while arching your back as much as you can without risking that Joel’s cock slides out of your core.

“Ah, I know what you need babygirl,” Jack grabs the bottle of lube from the nightstand and starts to squeeze a decent amount out onto his fingers, which then wrap around his length. The slick noise makes a shiver run through your body.

“Relax baby, keep breathing, okay?” His warm moist tip starts to push into your puckered hole, it is so different to the fingers or the dildo, a warm rigid shaft parting your walls. Everything overwhelms your senses, so you seek out Joel’s comfort, nuzzling furter into his neck and instinctively biting him. Not hard enough to draw blood but definitely enough to make him gasp.

“Moon Love, ‘s okay, ya takin’ it so good.” He soothingly rubs your arms with his thumb, drawing tiny circles.

With little to no time you get used to their rhythmic push and pull. Your moans have gotten so loud that surely the whole neighborhood is getting an earful. Even through the hazy arousal clouding your mind it’s not lost on you that Jack is enjoying the tight channel of your butt, it makes him feral. He reaches for your hair carelessly gathering it into a ponytail and pulling you up, it doesn’t hurt, no, the tingling of your scalp turns you on further. That increases when Joel’s lips wrap around your hard nipple and starts biting it.

“U..uh..ughh, soo goo-“ Jack cuts you off

“Yeah feels good having his mouth on those sugar tits,” you only manage a pathetic nod.

Jack let’s go off your hair and Joel stops the assault on your nipple. As you lean back down you give him your best smile, stopping at his pursed lips for a quick kiss. When you open your eyes so close to his gorgeous face all that is on your mind are those 3 words, the ones that have been there since the first moment.

One more peck and you disappear into the safety of his neck again. “I’m so close Daddy,” you hoarsely whisper into his ear. “Ya wanna touch your little clit baby?” You nod. “Nuh, uh Moon, use your words” he knows how hard you try to not let go. “Ple..Pleaseeee, can I touch my clit, please Daddy?” You sound close to crying so Joel decides to show some mercy. “Go ahead, touch that clit, make yourself come.”

You do, with only drawing a couple small circles you fall over the edge, twitching and clenching down hard on both of them. Jack and Joel follow you suit spilling deep inside your holes. The waves of your high are still cursing through you when some commotion forces you to find back to the present moment.

Jack and Joel don’t get to catch their breaths after filling you up. “Wha…What the fuck is going on here?” James furious voice cuts through the blissful quiet. Jack instantly pulls out of you with a hiss letting his cum flow down from your used asshole to your pussy still plugged with Joel’s cock.

James thinks it’s just him walking in on something strange. His Dad and Grandfather going to town on some woman, but when you lift your head and stare straight at him while his father’s cum is dripping out of you he feels sick. “Mo..Moon, wha..what is this?” he almost wants to take a step closer but stops himself.

You don’t have the energy to answer but it’s not needed James puts two and two together. Turning away running down the stairs. Jack stumbles of the bed, grabs his shorts and hurries after James “Wait, Please James listen son..-“ the rest is cut off as they are out of hearing range.

“Fuck,” you mutter closing your eyes and putting your head down “what’s gonna happen now?”

His hands smooth over the plains of your shoulders drawing shapes on your spine. “Don’t know baby, no idea what Jack will do. But i don’t care, as long as ya here I’m happy.”

You begin to place gentle kisses to the spot you bit him earlier “Sounds like a good plan to me,”

“Good, ya gonna be the last woman I’ll love Mooni,” you sit up smacking his chest “Don’t say that Joel,” while scoffing, he’s impossible making you all sappy after fucking you brainless.

“Wait,” you move his head with your hands to face you “, where did you get that Moon Diamond Plug. I’ve been meaning to ask.”

He shrugs his shoulders “Had it specially made for ya baby girl.”

You sigh dreamily “I love you Joel,”

Without missing a beat he replies “I love you too.”

This is what heaven on earth feels like.

©️ evolnoomym 2024. Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI. Support your fellow creators by reblogging, commenting, and liking!

Tags: @aurorawritestoescape @joelmillerisapunk @milla-frenchy @the-mandawhor1an @rivnedell @toxicanonymity @ace-turned-confused @strang3lov3 @pedropeach @tonysopranosrobe @moonlitbirdie @joelstummy @joelsdagger @joelslegalwhre @joelsgreys @pedge-page @littlemisspascal @fhatbhabiee @punkshort @macfrog @thundermartini @mrsmando @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @syd-djarin @msjarvis @umnitsa @clawdee @taeslarityy @axshadows @pedroswife69 @604to647 @merz-8 @yesjazzywazzylove-blog @beardedjoel

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #Gilf!Joel Miller #joel miller story #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #the last of us #Mina’s writing #My Writing

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cheeseceli · 6 months ago

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Espresso

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong × Gn!reader

Genre: headcanons, friends to lovers, accepting feelings phase

Synopsis: “I'm working late cause I'm a singer” or where Hongjoong can't stop writing love songs about you

Warnings: Hongjoong is an idol

A/n: because he said espresso is his favourite song rn | announcement

Hongjoong who was trying to deny the fact that he liked you

Like “what do you mean, we're just friends !?”

Denial, yeah

Everyone knew he had feelings for you

He knew it too

But he really didn't want to admit it

Because if he says it out loud then it becomes (more) true, right?

So if he just ignored everything, maybe he had a chance of overcoming his feelings

His first strategy was to focus on his job

No feelings, just work

Such a perfect recipe, isn't it? He couldn't get distracted this way

That is until all his songs became romantic

That wouldn't be exactly a problem if the songs were about fictional or hypothetical situations and characters

However, they were all about you

And it was starting to get hard to accuse everything of being a coincidence when there were way too many coincidences

How could he describe your voice, your laugh, your eyes and each one of your mannerisms perfectly and still dare to call it a coincidence?

More work

Work until you forget about what feeling in love is like

But still, his mind was pretty consistent and insisted on thinking about you

And that's how you became his unintentional muse

He was trying to write to run from reality, but all his songs turned out to be what he was trying to escape from

You remember that back at that time, you were pretty worried

Hongjoong kept himself locked in the studio for hours, sometimes nights

You were scared he was overworking himself

But if you only knew he was stressed because he couldn't work

Not when every verse seemed to be about you

Although the experience wasn't good at all, you both might need to be grateful for that

Because that's how Hongjoong finally got sick of the situation and decided to confess at last

And that's how you ended up with a mini album of songs he wrote about you, the promise of even more songs and, of course, a boyfriend

Masterlist | you'll probably like: songwriting for you

Thank you for reading 🖤

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans

Credits for images 1 2 and 3

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

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uhohdad · 7 months ago

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THE GIRL WHO CONQUERED THE MOUNTAIN

➤ KÖNIG X READER HUNGER GAMES AU

➤ SUMMARY

You & König have been chosen as unwilling participants in a twenty-four tribute fight to the death.

18+, NSFW, 183k+ WORD COUNT, Virgin!Konig, Outcast!Konig, 18yo!Konig, GentleGiant!Konig, Mentor!JohnPrice, Fem!Reader, Blood & Injury, Graphic Violence, Death, Gore, PTSD, Alcohol Use, Slow Burn, Sexual Content, First Time, Smut, Fluff, Angst

ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN

➤ VOLUMES

THE TRIBUTES I

THE TRIBUTES II

THE GAMES

THE VICTOR I

THE VICTOR II

THE AFTERMATH I

THE AFTERMATH II

THE WARNING I

THE WARNING II

THE GAMECHANGER I

THE GAMECHANGER II

THE GAMECHANGER III

THE FINALE *

*Coming soon to a blog near you!

➤ BONUS CONTENT

JOIN TAG LIST

DISCORD BOOK CLUB <3

MOOD BOARD

BZURK’S FANART

INTERVIEW OUTFIT INSPIRATION

PLUCKY & THE MOUNTAIN PLAYLIST

HEADCANNONS AND FUN FACTS

MEMES

READER X TITAN DRABBLES

RUBY X PRICE DRABBLES

FAN MADE DRABBLES

DISCUSSIONS/ANNOUNCEMENTS

➤ MASTERLIST

UHOHDAD’S MASTERLIST

Dividers: @saradika-graphics

Konig Photo Credit

#sorry to flood your feed but the disorganization of this blog was killing me #cleaning up this damn house 🧼 🧹🫧🧽#tgwctm #tgwcm #konig #könig cod #konig cod #konig call of duty #könig call of duty #könig #uhohspeaks #call of duty masterlist

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cas-backwards-tie · 9 months ago

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Wonderstruck

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Ex!Reader

Summary: Simon Riley finally takes it upon himself to check up on his childhood best friend and ex lover. He's been torturing himself reminiscing on your relationship and what went wrong for years now. Little does he know... you're in the same boat. Having seen someone today you swore was Simon on your way to work, you too, reflect on the past.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, Stalking(?),

Mentions of: Drinking, Smoking, Motorcycle Riding

A/N: I don't know why but I constantly am getting inspired by certain songs, or am reminded of certain characters, and all the lyrics were just screaming childhood best friends to estranged lovers, right person wrong time Simon Riley. Nevertheless, if you'd love to listen to some versions of the song which inspired me, here we are! Line divider credit: @saradika-graphics and I'd also love to thank @penelopepine for helping me with the ending <3

He knew it was a bad idea as soon as it'd crossed his mind, yet somehow he couldn't rid himself of it time and time again. That's how he found himself here; watching you cross the street, he can't help but notice the vintage band t-shirt you have on, frayed at the edges with the little strings of the hem coming undone that you've refused to cut off. In you hands you clutch a new phone, no doubt an upgrade from the last one he'd seen you with- though it's been a while.

As you mindlessly tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, he can't help the way his insides churn. You were always effortlessly beautiful; you never had to try for anything. Even now, the way you can walk across the busy cobblestone side streets of London in high heels without seemingly second-guessing yourself, body language still poised on guard and ready in case anyone tries anything, just like he'd taught you.

It's clear from your outfit and the lipstick you’re donning that you're attempting to sway the officials at work. Maybe trying for that promotion you’d always been talking about, but never had the gumption to make today the day. What’s different about today, he wonders. You'd always been a go-getter, and truthfully, it was something Simon admired about you. Even in the moments where he'd resented it the most, the constant pestering and prodding at him in an attempt to get him to move and drag him out of the holes his dug himself into...

Where would he be now if only he listened?

What if you knew better?

He couldn't deny that the thoughts kept him up at night while he was away. Though, admittedly, more often than not it was the string of random memories that he’d get glimpses of during the day. It’d always be at the worst times, too. Two weeks ago in Berlin he’d been clapping Kyle on the back, hoping he’ll get it together as he stumbled out the pub. While Soap had the camaraderie to slug half his mate’s weight over his broad shoulders, Simon found himself unable to help as his eyes were drawn in by a couple a few paces down the block.

“Bollocks!” He’d shouted out in frustration. Double-checking himself, he didn’t have a spare cap on him, and he knew he sure as hell didn’t bring an umbrella on your little last minute ‘trip’. Not that he’d really call walking down to the local Tesco for snacks late one summer evening a trip. ‘It’ll be an adventure! Just think of it like that.’ You’d persuaded him.

“What? Are you going to melt?” He hears you joke. As his brown eyes land on your face when you turn to meet his gaze, a few steps ahead of him down the road, he can’t help the smile that breaks out across his lips upon your laughter. Sure, you may both be a little drunk after spending the evening in and having a drink or two. But it doesn’t change the way he feels about you, if anything, it makes him even more keenly aware of the way you affect him.

“Maybe. Who knows?” He teases in responses, tugging his jacket up and over his head to shield himself from the cool summer rain. Despite the time, now he’ll most likely need a shower when you get home. As he jogs to catch up and bring you under his little makeshift cocoon, you do the unexpected.

It was you, of course… he should’ve known better, always testing him, pushing him. With a gentle drop of the plastic bag full of snacks upon the side of the road you’d been strolling down, he watches as you run into the empty street. The streetlights illuminate you in a hazy orangey-yellow light as you begin to spin and twirl, dancing in the street.

With a shake of his head, he’s left stunned once again by the vast difference of your personalities. Your jeans and t-shirt are starting to get damp and discolored, and there’s a taunting, displeased remark sitting on his tongue just waiting to be made. It’s the utter joyous smile on your face as you tip your head back and relinquish yourself to your fate that leaves him wonderstruck, he thinks.

“Come on, Simon!” You beckon, finally meeting his gaze once again with that familiar carefree, hopeful look behind your irises. With an outstretched hand, he knows he can’t deny you this… and really, there’s something inside him that tells him he doesn’t want to, either.

“It’s her, innit?” He hears his Captain’s voice call over his shoulder. Pulled from his memories, Simon dismisses Price with a nonchalant grunt. As the old man tries to place a hand on his shoulder he dodges it, realizing he’s been watching the couple for longer than he’d thought. With Soap and Gaz almost to the end of the block, Simon sighs before shrugging his shoulders to right his jacket and head off in their direction for backup.

That was a time when your playfulness been more easily taken and accepted without question. No fighting, no push back, resentments… maybe that was it: he’d stopped going with the flow. He’d stopped accepting the punches and started dodging and weaving your advances at fixing things and picking up where he left you. Because while it’s too late now, he’s finally realized it for what it is: he left you in the dark, he’s the one who pushed you away, closed himself off.

That night he’d curled up in the temporary bed he’d been assigned, more memories continued to consume him. The way you’d effortlessly ease his worries on nights he’d come home stressed, feathers ruffled from whatever petty drama went on during the day. Whether it was something the guys said that stuck with him, or something he couldn’t get out of his mind when he came back from deployment. Your kisses always seemed to be the cure, your love… or maybe it was just… you.

“You know furrowing your brows like that will cause wrinkles,” you inform him, reaching out to run gentle fingers over his bunched skin.

A grunt of acknowledgment leaves his lips. “More for me to worry about, hm?” While it’s all he says, his eyes are searching over your composure.

“No,” it leaves your lips without thought, “just something to think about, be mindful of. If you’re not upset, then why furrow them?” Voice quiet in the moonlit apartment, your fingers smooth out his brows gently as you admire him. “I read something the other day about how it’s possible our body informs our mental state. If you’re tensing all the time, it won’t help your stress, Si.”

He simply hums in response, doing nothing to stop you as you ghost your lips over his for a moment before planting a loving chaste kiss to his. While big and wide warm hands find the exposed bit of skin between the hem of your sleeping pants and the shirt you wear, it’s the unexpected cool sensation that elicits a muffled gasp. Your much smaller hands are sneaking up underneath his sweatshirt to explore his abdomen, caressing him like he were made of soft silk. Your lips meet again for a chaste kiss.

Then it’s turning into something more; you have to take it slow, your lips dancing against one another, his hand rubbing your back to let you know it’s alright. As you begin to run out of breath, it’s only when you pull away, lashes fluttering against his skin that you ask him. “You know I’d love you even with wrinkles, right?”

Taken aback, he can’t help but stare. Unsure how to respond or what to do, his lips part in search of words. “Is that so?” He finally questions, hand giving your side a soft squeeze.

“My favorite boy… I love you to the moon and back… scars and all. I always have, and I always will, Simon,” you whisper, ghosting his lips again before planting one on him, “I just hope you know that.”

And at the time, he swore he did. It’s odd, really, and he wouldn’t lie to himself about it either. Simon tried dating after you, he tried hooking up, he tried it all… but it never felt right. As many times as he replays the memory, he can never get past the feeling of home. With you, it felt like home. You never made him feel expendable, or worry of the abandonment he knew would inevitably come.

For years afterward he blamed you, he saw it as your fault that you left, you abandoned him… when, maybe, really it’s finally time he admits it was him. He made it a self-fulfilling prophecy, and there was nothing you could do.

It's on your way home from work that you see them; while waiting for the bus, there's a playground in the park a few meters away. Really, the idea that human nature is predictable is always laughable at first, but only after watching people and stepping back to become an observer you've noticed from time to time that... it's more than true. Even from a distance, the children in the park look happy... but that's not what catches your eye. There's a blonde boy, and a girl, much like yourself when you were younger, playing what you can only assume is something halfway between hide and seek and tag, considering the playground offers more space and obstacles than hiding spots.

Perhaps it's the joyous looks on their little faces, or the way they unabashedly play, carefree and unaware of the adult worries and burdens the world hangs above their heads, just waiting any day to drop upon their shoulders unexpectedly. However, you can't help but reminisce on the ways you'd spent your childhood playing games much like the one the children are playing in the distance with a boy, very similar to the one before you, loving life, content, happy, simply aspiring to be the best at finding your ultimate hiding spot.

The soft squeak of the wheels coming to a halt before you and the mechanical release of air as the doors open brings your attention back to the present. Before you know it, you're on the bus, unconsciously taking a seat along the windows, hoping, just maybe you'll catch a glimpse of them as the bus drives down the road down its route. Though as you pass, the sun is beginning to set in the distance, the children departing the playground their separate ways as dusk begins to take its toll and curfew sets in place. The whole time you'd been focused on yourself, it's entirely possible that your own boy wound up beating you at your own game, finding the best spot and hiding himself away from the rest of the world.

Maybe it's the fact that you could've sworn you'd seen someone that looked almost identical to Simon on your way to work this morning, but memories continue to plague your mind for the first time in months. All the weekends he'd spent over at your house doing aimlessly silly things to fill your time, from science projects, to playing 'warrior' outside, you never felt more alive than the time you two spent together.

"I'll keep ya safe, yeah? Nothin' to worry about," Simon insists, gently guiding you to the side of the vehicle. Despite going out with your friends to the city for dinner, you both were sober. It should be fine, it would be. You'd been with him a million times... how different could it be? He'd run it by you as many times as you'd asked.

You swear it's not a good idea, but you trust him to the ends of the Earth. With a look over your shoulder, his brown eyes are steady, not uncertain in his unwavering gaze as he nods in assurance. Swinging a leg over the seat, you're in front this time. Helmets in place, hands on the clutch and brakes, you make eye contact with Simon once more before he flicks both your visors down. "Ready?" You ask him.

"More than ready, Love," he quips. With a quick shove to the kickstand, balance (with Simon's help of course), and a rev of the engine, you start the motorcycle off slowly. Gloved hands around your waist, he gives you a gentle squeeze.

He was always pushing you out of your comfort zone, that one. It was the first time you'd driven his motorcycle, and while it'd been scary and daunting for the first fifteen minutes, you eventually got used to it and it blossomed into something freeing. You understood then why he likes it, and you'd never been more grateful for someone pushing you out of your bubble. While flashes of all the kisses, caresses, and intimate moments between the two of you start to effervesce, you force yourself to remember the last time you'd seen him.

With a lingering hug, you're hesitant to let him go. Even if you know it's necessary, it's still hard... it always has been. "You'll let me know when you get in, right?" You ask, searching his eyes. They stand out from the black warpaint, his uniform always made him look handsome, even if you couldn't imagine how intimidating seeing his actual attire would be in his enemies position.

A dismissive and irritated grunt meets your ears as he shrugs your hands off. He'd packed quickly, something he's been doing more recently; taking more and more jobs, you've begun worrying for his health, not that he'd talk about it, of course. "If I 'ave time."

While you weren't able to get all the details on this excursion, you did manage to get that it was essentially a 'clean-up' for him. He had to go in and make sure that the hostages they'd had a lead on were all rescued and no one was left behind, no assailants or informants lingering or hiding. You've known that his job is hard on him. Losing people can't be easy, especially when you feel like you could've done things differently and changed the ending to their stories. Yet, you also know that throwing yourself into work the way he's been doing without talking to anyone, simply managing to pass debrief counseling by whatever meter their measuring is... not working. Not anymore, at least.

"You're running from this! You won't even answ-" you shout, gesticulating as you do everything in your power to keep the anger and worry that's tightly wound wrapped up in your gut under control, not to let anymore of it seep out than already has.

"An' you're one to talk?! You don't get to interrogate me," he argues, rounding the couch to get closer. The dark circles under his eyes scream volumes, even if he's unwilling to acknowledge whatever's going on for him. "I deal with that enough in my line o' work. Don't-"

"Simon," you say, tone holding that familiar warning tone.

You'd gotten home safely and were able to change and make something to eat. The feelings haven't left the cavity of your chest, still lingering there, the way he always does. He may be 'Ghost' on the field, yet he still haunts your memories, always making you question whether or not you did the right thing. What if only you'd done more? What if you hadn't pushed him so much? It wasn't always in a bad way, either, in fact, most of the time you'd find yourself chuckling randomly at some inside joke only the two of you share, or something he'd find funny. The stolen sweaters and hoodies you know for a fact long ago washed away his scent. Even if you swear sometimes that you can smell the faint odor of cigarettes he used to smoke. In the city when you're out with the girls you'd find yourself fondly inhaling the smell whenever a stranger would be smoking one nearby.

You'd cursed him: Simon Riley. Yet, the aching inside you he left often made you feel like he there's some sense of closure he never fully gave you. The SAS would tell you that he'd get your letters, even if you stopped writing years ago a little while after the split. You never got a response, and you never really expected one. Simon never really was one for letter writing. It was the only way you felt like you could get that closure, that part of your life done with. Ultimately, it did help you move on in some way.

A sigh tumbles past your lips as you change the channel on the television, unsure what you really feel like watching. A reality comedy show is on, something of a local prank show. It wasn't the best show, really, but it's one you used to watch a lot as a kid, and thus, another reminder of him. This one makes you smile, nonetheless. It's a good memory; nostalgia envelopes you in the way that makes you crave times that felt easier. Just when you wrap yourself in your fuzzy blanket, there's a soft rapt at the door.

Heart accelerating, eyes widening slightly, you slowly rise from the couch. The television volume isn't on loud, and while there may be light coming from it to inform a stranger you're home, that isn't enough to say that you're alone. With slow and cautious steps, you approach the door, careful to check the window near the door from a vantage point you're unseen. It's a man in a black hoodie. Panic sets in and you turn to skillfully head back toward the couch in search of your phone with quiet and quick steps. That's when it strikes you.

With all pretenses abandoned, you rush to the door and fling it open, lips parted in shock and awe. "Simon?" Searching and attempting to scan the partially shielded face, you're able to see tufts of blonde hair lit from the porch light.

"I know you've no reason to-" he starts, hands removing themselves from his hoodie's pocket, "but please let me come in and explain."

"You came back," you whisper. It's more for yourself than him, and whether it's out of bewilderment, intuitive knowing, or a premonition; you were right.

As he takes a step forward and reaches out for you with shaky hands produced from the familiar black pocket of his hoodie, you don't retract. Slow and tentative movements on both ends, he grabs ahold of one hand, thumb consciously skirting back and forth repeatedly in a form of grounding and seeking comfort. "You were right," his deep voice rasps.

Your hand cautiously seeks his cheek beneath the shield of his hood. Fully expecting to meet the spandex material of his balaclava, you're surprised by the warmth of his skin underneath your gentle touch. Wrist pushing against the cotton hood, it gives way, revealing his face. Searching his deep brown eyes for any sign he's genuine... you're met with truth.

With a weak nod you turn, leaving the door to shut softly behind the two of you.

~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo

#simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #my writing #song fic #taylor swift #cardigan #simon riley x reader angst #angst #angst with a happy ending #simon ghost riley x ex!reader #simon riley x ex!reader #simon riley x cbf!reader #simon ghost riley x cbf!reader #biker!simon riley #song fics

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wintrwinchestr · 7 months ago

Text

bite the hand

the killer & the sound - chapter 3

summary: you hadn't expected joel to put such an abrupt end to... whatever it is you two had. or, what you thought you had, anyway. you write and perform a new song on the second night of the tour about it, and the consequences aren't quite what you expected them to be. how could something that seemed so simple at first have become so complicated?

warnings: 18+, smut, no outbreak au, no use of y/n, rockstar!joel, aspiring rockstar!reader, d/s dynamics, pretty major daddy kink, age gap (reader is early-mid 20’s, joel is early-mid 50’s), pet names (sweetheart, darlin', baby, babygirl, songbird(!!), etc), big time angst, daddy/mommy issues, religious shame, degradation (joel calls you a whore), spanking, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected piv sex, manhandling, one (1) kiss, spitting, smoking (reader & other characters), drinking (reader & other characters), getting walked in on, characters who need therapy sooooo badly, lots of internal monologue, let me know if i missed any!!

word count: 13.2k

a/n: as always, thank you so much for your patience and sticking around to see what i put our pookies through this time. these chapters just keep getting longer and longer but it's not my fault they have a lot to say!!!!! if you'd like an idea of what reader's lil diss track sounds like, i very much imagined gibson girl by ethel cain when i wrote it. thank you as always to my best babygirl kiers i love u to death. i hope you like this one, nice comments/reblogs appreciated if you enjoyed!!

series masterlist

read this chapter on ao3

divider by @saradika-graphics

Jesus Christ, what the hell is he doing?

Joel has been in the shower for at least thirty minutes now, and he’s spent more than half of that time just letting the scalding water pound against his back as his vision goes blurry from the steam. He finished his “rinse off” within five minutes of stepping inside the bathroom, and now he’s just stalling, wondering how the fuck he’s supposed to go back out there and get in bed with you.

If it weren’t for the decades’ worth of tattoos that he can see when he looks down at his bare body, he wouldn’t be able to recognize himself right now. He’s always been one to hit it and quit it, love ‘em and leave ‘em, or whatever little figure of speech you want to use for just being a fucking playboy. Since when has he ever cleaned a girl up, given her his clothes to wear, let her sleep over after he fucks her? Though, he has to give himself some credit, it’s not like he was planning on letting you stay. He was just trying to preserve some of your dignity, but then, when did he even decide to start caring about shit like that?

Fuck.

When the tour bus jerks to life as the driver begins the trip to the next city, the loss of balance is enough to finally snap Joel out of the uncharacteristic morality spiral he’s now found himself in. He rubs his hands across his face, pinching the bridge of his nose and cursing under his breath, knowing that he can’t hide in here and avoid you forever. Besides, he’s getting old, and he has to sleep at some point if he wants to be at least a little functional tomorrow. And what is he so fucking scared of, anyway?

Joel turns off the water, and the knob screeches in protest as the dull roar of the shower fades into silence. He steps out of the stall and hardly makes any effort to dry himself off, solely focused on getting out of there before the fog evaporates from the mirror and he’s forced to confront his own reflection. He shakes out his hair and pulls on a clean pair of briefs, then sends out a silent prayer to whoever the fuck might be listening, begging for help in making it through the night without having to address whatever it is that’s gnawing at his conscience. He didn’t even think he had one of those anymore.

Joel enters the bedroom quietly, hoping that you’d be exhausted enough to have fallen asleep by the time he returned. When you don’t even twitch as he shuts the door behind him and climbs under the covers, he lets out the breath he’d been holding, and lays himself down as close to the edge of the mattress as he can without falling off the damn thing. If he can put as much distance between the two of you as possible tonight, maybe he can make it out the other side unscathed.

Just when he thinks he’s in the clear, having settled himself down with his back to you and situated his silk sheets and pillows to his liking, he feels you roll over in your sleep as you let out some dreamy little whine. Joel likes to keep it cold on the bus, and your shivering form must feel the heat still radiating off of him from his shower, because then you’re wrapping your little arms around his bicep and pulling him close. He wants to shake you loose, to put some extra pillows in between your bodies just for good measure, but he can’t be so cruel. Not when you look like such a goddamn angel, sleeping so peacefully with your hair spread out around you like a halo, long lashes fluttering against your cheeks. He wonders what you’re dreaming about.

Joel isn’t sure when exactly it happened, but somewhere in between that very first rehearsal and right now, the lines started to blur between a fun little fling he wasn’t going to think twice about letting go of once the tour ended, and something that he wants to sink his claws into and claim as his own. He has to face it now, whether he wants to or not—he can’t get himself to push you away, to growl at you not to touch him and to stay on your own side of the bed, because he doesn’t want to. What he wants is to tattoo his fucking name right underneath that shitty moth on your upper thigh, and therein lies the problem.

He has a history of breaking things, of being too controlling and rough and mean when he plays with his toys, until they fight back and tear themselves apart as they escape his clutches. But you seem like something that can’t be broken, that would glue itself back together just to get played with again the next day, and that sets off some alarms he didn’t know he was capable of hearing. Maybe he does still have a conscience, after all.

At first, Joel had liked how eager and willing and naive you were, how easily he could push and pull you this way and that because you didn’t seem to realize what this was. Or at least, what it was intended to be. Whether you were smart to his intentions or not was never really his concern before, but now… You’re nuzzling your face into his arm, breathing in his scent and letting it soothe you as it coats your senses, and it’s awakening something protective, possessive, in him. Joel has never been good at romance or love or relationships, and he had resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he’d never be able to settle down. The life he lives can’t sustain something steady or healthy like that anyway, what with the touring and the groupies and the sex and the alcohol.

But now here you are, this fragile and yet unbreakable thing in his bed who he worries wouldn’t run away no matter how much he growled and bared his teeth. And god dammit, that scares him. Joel had thought he was done being scared, that he had left that feeling behind before you were even born, probably. And yet, here it is creeping up on him again, grabbing him by the throat and suffocating him. You’ve got real talent and beauty, with a promising future and blossoming career ahead of you, and you’d probably give it all up and follow him into the darkness if he promised to call you a good girl once you did.

Joel has never been a very good man, but something about you makes him really have to stare down the barrel of it now. He can’t do this to you, he can’t let you in, and he knows that. He’d poison you, if he hasn’t already. And he can’t give to you what you seem to think this is, what it could be, if he wasn’t so fucking damaged. So he decides it then, as he doesn’t stop his hand from brushing a stray strand of your halo out of your delicate face, that he has to put a stop to this first thing in the morning. And he has to be cold and concise about it, so that you’re perfectly clear on what the two of you are going to be from now on, even if it hurts you. You’re a big girl, and he trusts that you’ll get over it somehow, because letting this continue would hurt you a hell of a lot worse, in the end.

And you seemed to have taken it well, all things considered. He didn’t tell you the whole truth, the real reason why he decided to yank the arrow out of your heart when he was the one who shot it in there in the first place. Because then you’d know that he’s a broken man who also breaks things, and he can only shatter so many of your illusions about him in one morning. He knows this is his fault, and he was at least man enough to take the blame, he can give himself that. He had decided to paint himself as an actually respectable person who knows when he’s taken something too far, who definitely does have a conscience. Maybe you’re the one who lured it out of the dark cave it was hiding in, but he still can’t risk anything, on the off chance that he still is the same mangled man he always was and the one he will continue to be. So he lies to you, just a little bit, because what you don’t know won’t hurt you, and he can’t let you come any closer for fear of causing even more pain than he already has.

Joel watched as your bare legs carried you out of the living area and off of his bus, the tops of your thighs just barely concealed by his shirt he had lent you the night before. He didn’t react when you slammed the door on your way out, he had expected you to do as much. But he did half-expect you to turn around and spit a fuck you, Joel at him the way he would have deserved. It might have hurt less if you did, that way you would have left a sour taste in his mouth to replace the still-lingering flavor of your pussy mixed with the cum he had spilled inside you last night.

God, he is so fucked.

—

You had made sure to thank the audio technicians before you disappeared from the venue after your sound check, but otherwise avoided looking at or speaking to anyone on your way out. Especially him. You had held Angel close as you swiftly made your way back to your bus before Death’s Head had a chance to take the stage for their turn, not wanting to hear any more of Joel’s voice than you’ve had to today. Besides, it’s already been looping like a skipping record in your mind since this morning, refusing to let up no matter how hard you try to drown it out.

Mistake, respect, and professional are the choice words that are chanting themselves over and over again, so many times that they almost don’t sound real anymore, just a random sequence of letters and noises that you can’t make sense of. What happened last night didn’t feel like a mistake to you, especially not when he was so gentle in cleaning you up afterwards, when he brought you a glass of water, when he let you curl up against him in his bed, wearing his clothes. He sure as hell had plenty of time to decide that you were worthy of respect before he had you act like a whore on stage in front of tens of thousands of people for his own sick pleasure. (And apparently yours, but that’s not the point.) And now you’re supposed to believe that he suddenly had a change of heart overnight, that splitting you open on his cock and using your body to get what he wanted made him finally develop a moral compass and decide that he wants to start acting like a professional? Damn, maybe you are more powerful than you thought.

You just can’t believe you were stupid enough to let yourself feel something for him. He was just playing you like his guitar this entire fucking time, a pretty instrument that he can pluck and strum and draw pretty noises from, then put away without a second thought. He’s a celebrity, a rockstar, for fuck’s sake. Half of his songs are about sex, and if the rumors are true, he recorded the original intro to Kiss it Better while he was hooking up with some groupie in a bathroom. Just like you, he had probably used her to get what he wanted, then dropped her like it was nothing. Of course he never fucking cared about you.

You should burn the clothes that he sent you scurrying back to your bus wearing this morning. They’re currently shoved into the bottom of your plain-looking laundry bag in the corner of your room, though you’re half tempted to just toss the whole thing into the dumpster behind the venue and set it ablaze. But you know he doesn’t care about material things as much as he does his ego, and it’s going to be much more satisfying to set that on fire than some worn-out pieces of clothing, anyway. Destroying them also wouldn’t do anything about the way you keep catching an inhale of his cologne every once in a while, the masculine smell of it wafting from his t-shirt and carving out an undesired space for itself in your brain. You try to ignore the way your cunt flutters against your will at the scent, at the memories it conjures, and hope that she doesn’t develop a habit of betraying you like this when it comes to him. She almost gets the better of you, tempting you to second guess your plan to perform your scathing new song at the end of your set tonight.

Almost.

You’re feeling good about what you wrote, and you’d be even more upset with yourself if you backed out now, if you gave in to Joel once again, without him even knowing it this time. He seems to think that he knows you better than you know yourself, that he can make decisions for you and that he always knows just what to say to get you to do as he asks. For once, you want him to be fucking wrong about you.

The show starts in just under an hour, and you’re dedicating your last bit of quiet solitude to solidifying the new words and the motions of your fingers in your memory. While you were scribbling in your notepad earlier today, you had tried to ride the fine line between calling him out so blatantly and using descriptions that were too clichéd, and you’re happy with the in-between that you landed on. The song could be about anyone, but it isn’t, and if the shoe fits when he tries it on, oh fucking well. Plenty of men wear the same size, and if he wants to make yet another thing about himself, that’s not your problem.

Ideally, you had wanted to include the song in your sound check so that your band would be prepared for tonight, until you had let your eyes drift to the side of the stage and saw Joel observing in the darkness, just like he had done while you were performing the night before. You suppose it wouldn’t be very professional of him to avoid you like the plague the way you’re trying to do with him, but still. You had averted your eyes as quickly as you had spotted him, and decided that the song was just going to have to be a surprise for everyone, not just Joel. Your band members are smart enough guys, you’re sure they’ll be able to catch on and back you up when it’s time to unveil what you had been working on all day. But if they don’t, you’re prepared for it to just be you and Angel up there, the same way it has been for as long as you’ve been making music. Until recently, at least.

You’ve opted to get yourself dressed and ready in the safety of your bus, attempting to avoid a repeat of last night’s pre-show interactions with Joel by minimizing the amount of time you actually have to spend inside the venue. You doubt he’ll try anything, but considering how unafraid he was to volunteer himself as a witness to your sound check, you’d rather not risk it. So, you do your best to keep your distance as you make your way off the bus and to the side of the stage with Angel in tow, hoping that your viscous aura alone will be enough to keep him away.

Your band members are already waiting for you in the wings when you get there, and you tuck yourself safely behind the group of them as you wait for the lights to go down. You ghost your fingers along Angel’s strings one last time, just to make sure that your muscle memory is securely locked into place—it is, because you’re fucking good at this. You don’t need Joel’s whispered praises and soothing touches to know that you’re a star, and you don’t want them. You don’t. You fucking killed it last night, and you knew it before he told you so, because your ears were still ringing long after the audience had finished applauding and screaming for you. For your own performance, not for the on-stage degradation you endured because of a dumb teenage crush you couldn’t seem to shake off.

If your timing is right, you should’ve gone on a few minutes ago now. Each passing minute has you gnawing at your bottom lip and picking at your nails with increasing intensity as you and the audience both become more restless. You aren’t sure what the hold up is, but you just want to get out there and safely away from the possibility of Joel before you make one of your goddamn fingers bleed. You’re so consumed in your destructive self-soothing that you don’t hear the sound of jingling chains and creaking leather approaching you where you stand, followed by a clearing throat and the last voice you want to fucking hear right now.

“Tommy told me they’re jus’ tryin’ to fix a light or somethin’. Shouldn’t be too much longer now,” Joel says, and you stiffen as he speaks. He sounds earnest in the way he addresses the group of you, but the feeling of his gaze lingering on your skin tells you his true intentions.

Your bandmates hum in acknowledgement as they maintain their casual demeanors, while you shift your jaw and remain steadfast in your stoicism. Your face is calm and concentrated, but your fidgeting hands tell a different story, and the telltale habit is most of what prompted Joel to come over here against his better judgment. He so badly wants to take your hands in his so that you’ll stop tearing at your skin, to massage the worry right out of your palms and tell you there’s nothing to be nervous about, just like he did last night. Though, you’d probably bite his goddamn fingers clean off if he even so much as reached out a hand in your direction, and he wouldn’t entirely blame you if you did, considering that he’s more than likely the reason for your agitation.

Instead, he settles for asking, in as neutral of a tone as possible, “You okay, darlin’?”

Your gaze remains focused on the stage, on the mic you should be standing behind right now, if it weren’t for some stupid fucking light. After a pointed beat, you answer him with a short, “I’m fine.”

You can see in your peripheral vision that Joel nods and shifts his weight, moving a little further behind your band and closer to you. He lets a matching bit of silence pass, for some reason not using the opportunity to just turn around and walk away, before speaking again. “Quit messin’ with your fingers.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you snap, whipping your head to finally face him. You peer up at Joel from under your eyebrows, putting on a stony face and doing your best to look intimidating even as he towers over you. Despite your efforts, your heart still flutters for just a second when your eyes meet, before he drops his own gaze to the floor and takes a step back from you.

“That how this is gonna be?” Joel asks, and you could swear he sounds a little defeated.

“Yeah, it is.”

You turn yourself back to the stage again, and he takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to steady himself and suppress a reaction to your attitude that he might regret.

“Look, can we–” he starts, but a sudden burst of screams and hollers cuts him off as the venue lights finally dim. You push past your bandmates and stomp your way towards the stage, feeling volatile and as determined as you’ve ever fucking been to give a killer performance tonight. You could’ve spit some real fire at him, told him to leave you the fuck alone like you had been so tempted to, but you didn’t want to scare him off. You don’t even need to check to know that he’s still standing exactly where you left him, and that he’ll probably stay there and watch you the whole time because he doesn’t know what the fuck he wants, apparently. Maybe you should bring him onstage for his public humiliation the same way he did to you, see how he likes it. But you have a little more humanity than he does, and if it all works out, he’ll have to watch you tear him down surrounded by his own bandmates and brother, and that’s gratifying enough for you.

When you and your band have all taken your places, you introduce yourself to tonight’s crowd with a newfound vigor, and begin your set with a chord so resonant it vibrates your bones. The sound surrounds you, grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking loose the wallflower version of you who performed these same songs just last night. It feels like a metamorphosis, like the moths that adorn the strap slung around your body and the one etched into your skin finally belong to you instead of him.

—

You sail through your set, never stumbling over a chord or missing a lyric, even in your anticipation to reach the end. While you thank the crowd and wait for their roaring cheers to die down, you finally chance a look at the side of the stage. Just as you had predicted before you went on, Joel’s silver-tipped boots are still planted in the same place they were thirty minutes ago. Perfect.

“Y’all have been amazing tonight, this was so much fun,” you pant into the mic. “I, uh… I actually have one more song before I go, if that’s alright. Just wrote it this morning.”

Another wave of whistles and applause engulfs you as you turn to check on your bandmates, who all wear confused expressions as expected. You step back from the mic to tell each of the guys the key and tempo of what you wrote, and ask if they can maintain something steady and follow along while you carry the melody. When they’ve all gotten the plan, they look at each other and wordlessly communicate a final decision, seeming to be up to the challenge.

You resume your place at the front of the stage, taking one last look at your victim before beginning to strum the song’s now-familiar echoing intro. The tone is a little Western, and you wrote it that way on purpose, just as an extra hidden jab toward the obnoxious midnight cowboy persona Joel had first lured you in with. Your haunting voice comes in a few measures later, singing lyrics that are unlike anything you’ve written before. They’re darker, more graphic, and they tell the story of a girl and a cold-blooded man covered in leather and tattoos, who got her alone one night and ripped her clothes off and whispered things he didn’t mean while he fucked her. And after everything was said and done, the girl had lied to herself, replaying everything that had happened between her and the cold-blooded man that night, convincing herself that because it felt good, because he was good to her, that it had meant something. She had bared her body and soul to him, only to find out that he had also been lying to her that night, playing with her like a doll who didn’t know any better, who was just happy to get looked at and touched and praised by someone she had once held on such a high pedestal. You let the lights embrace you and warm your skin as you bare yourself once again, trusting this time that it won’t end in shame or hurt or tears.

When the buildup of your lyrics and chords finally culminate in the song’s cathartic crash, the first thing you feel is relief, like a crushing weight has been lifted off your heart. The crowd’s enthusiastic response to your creation surrounds you, filling your ears and infiltrating your soul, and you can’t help but laugh at the overwhelming feeling. You gesture behind you for your band to meet you at the front of the stage, and you all bow together to another round of raucous cheering before making your way offstage. This time, you do remember to leave Angel behind, satisfied in what the two of you accomplished tonight.

You’re still reveling in the rush of your performance by the time you’re shrouded in the backstage darkness once again, so caught up in the feeling that you nearly forget what your moment of spontaneity was for in the first place. Or rather, who it was for. You didn’t have enough wherewithal to check if Joel would still be lying in wait once you exited the stage, mostly assuming that his ego would get the best of him and he’d just huff his way out to the buses for a smoke once he realized what you were doing.

You assumed wrong.

Before your eyes even have a chance to adjust to the change in lighting, a calloused hand is gripped tight onto your upper arm, dragging you deeper backstage as you exclaim in protest and try to snatch your arm out of the iron hold that traps it.

“What the—Joel?! Get the fuck off me! What are you–”

“Will you fuckin’ quiet down?” Joel hisses next to your ear. “Quit makin’ a goddamn scene, already made enough of one as it is.”

Despite your struggle against him, his size and strength overpower you, and before you know it you’re being shoved into a dressing room, the door getting slammed shut and locked behind you in a second.

“What the fuck, Joel?” you shout up at him as he backs you into the door, finally letting go of your arm to loom over you and brace one of his hands next to your head.

“I can ask you the same goddamn thing. What the fuck was that out there, hm?” He spits back at you.

You massage the aching finger-shaped marks on your skin where he had gripped you, eyeing him with an annoyed expression. “It was just a song, what is your fucking problem?”

He scoffs, rolling his neck as his brows twitch in disbelief. “Just a song, right. Everybody knew that shit was about me.”

Your heart hammers in your chest, both from the anxiety of being confronted like this and the aggravation caused by his egomaniacal tendencies. “You are so fucking self-centered, it’s insane. It could’ve been about anyone—”

“But it wasn’t, huh?” Joel interrupts. “Who else do they know that has a filthy title inked into his hand, as you put it. Gimme a break, sweetheart. As if that same title didn’t have you soakin’ your fuckin’ panties for me last night.”

You hate that you can feel your cunt flutter in response to his words. “Whatever, will you just let me go? This isn’t very professional of you, locking me in your goddamn dressing room just so you can throw a fit,” you retort.

Realization flashes across his face as he steps back from you, breathing a heavy sigh. “Professional…” he speaks quietly, testing out the word, searching for the meaning behind why you had used it so pointedly. “Jesus Christ, is that what this is about? You are such a goddamn child, you know that?”

Now it’s your turn to laugh, crossing your arms now that he’s given you the room to do so. “Didn’t seem to think of me that way last night. I’m a big girl, I can do what I want, why do you care so much if I wrote a stupid song about you?”

Joel shuts his eyes, scrunching up his face like he’s fighting against what he wants to say next. “Because, fuck—This ain’t what I wanted, okay? Said I wanted to keep it professional between us, not that I wanted you to make a goddamn fool outta me in front’a God and everybody.”

“Well, what do you want?” You push, stepping into his space as your blood begins to boil over. “Because I thought you fucking cared about me, and then you just told me to get lost this morning, like none of it meant anything to you—”

“Of course it fuckin’ meant somethin’ to me, Jesus Christ.” Joel says, so breathlessly it’s like the words escape his mouth before he can catch them. “Did this for your own goddamn good—”

“Oh, for my own good?”

“Yes, for your own good. Because I know what you want this to be, and I can’t give that to you, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Joel doesn’t answer, but he shifts his jaw like he considers it, and lets your angered breathing fill the silence.

“Huh?” You provoke, hitting your palms against his broad chest once. Your push hardly does anything to knock him off his balance, but you swear it makes his eyes darken. “Why not?” You demand a second time.

You can tell he wants to bite back, but he suppresses the instinct, instead backing away from you as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Y’ know what, I ain’t gonna do this with you right now. We can talk about this later.”

Joel makes for the exit, but you dart in front of the door handle, feet planted firmly on the ground as you block his only way out. You grit your teeth as you stare up at him, daring him to either do something about it or finish what he started.

He takes another steadying breath. “Really ain’t helpin’ your case much right about now. I suggest you move, sweetheart.” His voice registers a somewhat eerie calm, the kind that a storm usually follows.

“You don’t get to back out of this.”

“Ain’t backin’ out. Said we’re gonna talk about it later. Move.”

You stare at each other in strained silence for a few moments, neither of you in the mood to give in to the other. You doubt that you’re about to bear witness to the first time Joel has ever submitted to someone else, so you slide away from the door, making a vow to yourself to find him after the show and force him to make good on his word.

“‘S what I thought,” he huffs, unlocking the door and slinking out into the hallway. He holds his head a little too high for someone too scared to tell you how he feels, like it’ll eat him alive if he admits to anyone that he really does have a heart.

You step out of the room and watch him walk, waiting until he gets a few paces away from you to grumble under your breath, “Self-centered and a fucking coward.”

Either Joel wasn’t as far out of earshot as you had thought, or the angry thudding of your pulse inside your head had made it difficult to tell just how loud you had said your little dig. He stops in his tracks, giving you a second to sweat before turning around to face you. “What was that?” he asks, but you already know he had heard you loud and clear. He begins to stalk towards you, and that predatory sway of his shoulders has you suddenly feeling meek.

“N-nothing,” you lie, backing into the dressing room as he continues his prowl.

“Nah, go ahead. You wanna do this right now, we’ll do it right now. What’d you say, baby? C’mon.” Joel’s movement forces you backward until the base of your spine hits the edge of the vanity table in the room. You wince at the impact and the sound of the door slamming shut again, and then he’s bracing both of his hands on either side of your hips, caging you in. Joel’s hot breath ghosts against your face as his eyes seem to glow a fiery shade you’ve never seen before. “Say it again.”

You swallow hard, nervous eyes flitting around his face, unsure of the safest place to land, or if there even is one. “Called you a coward…” you admit softly, voice trembling.

“Yeah? I’m a fuckin’ coward? What else, hm? Why don’t you use your big girl words and say to my face what you really wanted to say about me out there instead o’ that bullshit lil’ poem you wrote.” He’s just being mean now, lashing out because you hit him where it hurts. But god fucking dammit, there’s something about the way he’s standing over you, how he’s using his size to intimidate you and how the smell of his cologne mingles with the fading aroma of his last cigarette, that begins to cloud your judgment. You can’t help the way a dampness begins to bloom between your thighs as a result of his demeaning words and close proximity.

You figure you don’t have much of a reason to hold anything back anymore, already having pissed him off by threatening his ego twice in one night. “I hate you,” you rasp, which is pretty much what the lyrics of your song boil down to. You do hate him, for saying all the right things and touching you all the right ways to make you think he wanted the two of you to be something, only to throw your naivety in your face, tell you that you’re acting like a child when he’s the one who tried to give up and walk out when something became more complicated than he could handle.

“Yeah, I bet you do. Think you can do better than that, though, huh? Sure had plenty to say earlier, don’t get all shy on me now, sweetheart.” He spits the pet name at you like it’s an insult, coated in the venom dripping from his sharp canines.

“Fuck you,” you snap, eyes welling up and threatening to spill over despite yourself.

Joel spins you around as soon as the words leave your lips, pinning your wrists behind your back with just one of his hands, using the other one to grip your jaw and make you face your own reflection in the vanity mirror. You shut your eyes tightly, not wanting to confront what he’s reduced you to, and he allows you to keep them that way for now.

“You want me to? That why you’re all fired up, ‘cause you need Daddy to fuck this bratty ass attitude outta you?” Joel rumbles next to your ear.

You struggle to shake your head in his hold, mumbling, “No, I don’t.”

“No? So if I reach my hand under this lil’ dress, I ain’t gonna feel that pretty pussy drippin’ for me?”

You aren’t sure why you bother lying to him again, humming an mm-mm that sounds more like a whimper.

“Hmm, let’s see about that, then,” Joel muses, releasing your face from his hold to bend you forward and flip up the skirt of your dress. “Would you look at that… panties are ‘bout fuckin’ soaked through, ain’t they?” You whine as he begins to rub your folds over your underwear, pulling back the crotch of them and letting it go so that you can feel the damp snap of the fabric against your sensitive skin. “Thought you were such a good girl… you like it a lil’ mean, hm? ‘S that why you pulled that stunt tonight, to get Daddy all worked up so he’d treat you the way you really been wantin’?”

You feel a stinging smack on your ass before you’ve even finished muttering a complete No. Joel’s rough hand does nothing to soothe the burn as he rubs it around your smarted flesh, squeezing at the plush of your ass with a possessive grip. “Had just about enough of you lyin’ to me tonight. Why don’t you tell me the goddamn truth and I’ll give you what you want, hm? Gonna ask one more time. You want Daddy to beat up this lil’ brat pussy?” He asks, moving his hand back to the wet fabric of your panties, circling your clit over the material with the pad of his finger.

You can’t help but moan at his crude language, releasing another pulse of wetness in response. “Mmh, yes, please—” you mewl.

“Open your fuckin’ eyes,” Joel barks, and it startles you into obedience. “Yes, who?” he challenges, making eye contact with your reflection in the mirror.

He continues his ministrations over your covered clit, and you force your brain to work through the distraction, to give him what he wants and not earn yourself another spank.

“Y-yes, Daddy, I want it,” you admit, your voice drenched in a pathetic need.

Joel swiftly yanks your panties to the side, practically tearing them clean off your body with one hand in an effort to expose your swollen core to him, not daring to release your aching wrists from the other one’s hold. He circles your dripping entrance with the rough tips of two of his fingers, not pushing all the way inside just yet.

“Think you owe me a goddamn apology first, hm?” he taunts, using his fingers to smear your ashamed slick around your entrance.

“Sorry, ‘m sorry–” you whine, pushing back into him impatiently.

Smack. “For what, baby? What’re you sorry for?” Joel presses, his harsh spank telling you to stay fuckin’ still.

“For… for writing that song… for calling you a c-coward… ‘m sorry, Daddy, I’m sorry–” you cry. He shoves both of his thick fingers inside you as your reward, carving out space for them inside your little hole as he starts up a bruising pace, the obscene wet sounds of his movements filling the room and mingling with your broken little wails. It shouldn’t feel as good as it does, getting ordered around and talked down to and used like this by someone you said you hated only a few minutes ago, but you don’t really care to unpack that right now. Or ever. Maybe you were naive and immature in thinking that this thing you’ve gotten yourself into could ever pan out like what you’ve seen in the movies, but you think you could learn to be content with what he is willing to offer you—praise doled out as easily as he deprives you of it, a firm hand and fingers that can strum along your clit as expertly as he does the strings of his guitar, and a cock that makes you feel like someone else entirely, that can send you somewhere far away and bring you back down to earth at the same time. You let him use his fingers to pound all that angst and fire and attitude out of you as your eyelids flutter shut again, losing yourself in the feeling of him.

“How many times I gotta tell you, huh? Keep ‘em open, look, baby,” Joel commands, letting go of your wrists to deliver a light smack to the side of your face. You fall forward at the sudden release of his hold, catching yourself on the vanity table and digging your nails into the hard surface to ground yourself. His punishing hand forces your gaze straight ahead with a claw-like grip on your jaw, and your eyelids still feel so heavy, everything moving slowly as you look at yourself in the mirror. Your parted lips, smeared mascara, and unfocused gaze paint a debauched version of yourself that you don’t recognize, blurred by the sleepy submissive state he seems to be able to plunge you into so easily. “Take a good goddamn look in the mirror, at what I’m doin’ to you, and you tell me if you really want this.”

Every sharp thrust of his hand against your cunt knocks loose more and more of your ability to think, let alone speak. But you know by now that if Joel demands a response from you, he’ll get one, coherent or not. He seems to like it when your words come out a ruined mess of whines and slurred syllables, anyway, getting off on how hard and fast he can knock down those walls you attempt to put up and turn you into something so servile and saccharine.

“Want it, please, Daddy,” you beg, struggling to hold yourself up as his fingers get you closer and closer to your release.

“You sure about that? ‘Cause this is what you’re gonna get, sweetheart,” Joel grunts, the exaggerated word punctuated by the stretch of a third finger joining the other two inside your already fucked-out cunt.

“D-don’t care, just want you—ah—” you’re cut off by the sudden stroking of Joel’s curled fingers against a particularly tender and unfamiliar spot inside you. You begin to unravel at the overwhelming feeling, letting out little wanton pleases and Daddys as you continue to soak his tattooed hand.

“Fuck, gonna be the goddamn death o’ me, lil’ songbird, you know that? Tried to stop this shit before it could get started, tried to keep you away from me, but I just can’t seem to fuckin’ help myself, can I? We’d be nothin’ but bad for each other, but—shit—been thinkin’ ‘bout this tight cunt all goddamn day, couldn’t get the taste o’ you outta my mouth. Reckon I never will… In fact—” Joel pulls his fingers out of you in an instant, and you cry out from the sudden loss as you watch him suck them clean in the mirror. You feel dizzy, letting him manhandle you as he spins you around to face him and hoists you on top of the vanity table with little effort. He groans as he crouches, pulling your drenched panties down your legs and tossing them somewhere behind him. With your raw-looking cunt now fully exposed to him, he spreads your legs wide and curses under his breath, “Should’a done this shit last night, fuck—” before diving in between your thighs and licking a long stripe from your entrance to your swollen clit. He latches onto the sensitive nub, closing his eyes and sucking hard as his large hands force your legs to stay open. You let your upper back rest against the mirror as he works you over, and the cool glass sends a shiver down your spine as your hips tilt upward, allowing him better access.

He drinks from you as if you taste like his favorite top-shelf whiskey, growling into your flesh as he’s surely leaving fingertip-shaped bruises on the softness of your thighs. He alternates between swirling his tongue around your clit and fucking it in and out of your hole, beckoning you to spill yourself into his mouth. He savors every wave of slick that pours from you, each of your little cries and whimpers making his cock strain harder against the confines of his jeans.

You can’t help but let one of your hands drift to his hair, and he doesn’t stop you from grabbing onto his messy curls as you buck pathetically against his tongue.

“Such a sweet lil’ cunt, got me fuckin’ addicted to it, I swear…” Joel half-whispers, rubbing his thumb in circles around your clit to make up for the absence of his tongue as he speaks, your hips still desperately chasing after his movements. He spits onto your folds once, watching it drip between the curves of them for a moment before lapping up your combined juices and picking up where he left off. Your eyes are shut tight, brows peaked with need as you beg him to keep going, please, Daddy, gonna come.

Joel pulls away again just enough to tease, “Always come for me so easily, don’t you? Sing for me, songbird, c’mon.” A few more rough strums of his thumb and pulses of his tongue have you crying out, shaking where you sit on the table as you gush into his waiting mouth. Joel works you through it as you practically ride his face, your hips twitching with each overstimulating flick of his tongue over your sensitive clit.

He doesn’t wait very long for you to come back into yourself, the impatient bastard that he is, before he’s commanding you to open and using his strong fingers to yank your jaw downward. Your eyes blink open just in time to watch him spit a mouthful of your own release onto your waiting tongue, and then he’s pressing his lips to yours in a sloppy kiss, tongues twisting around each other as he forces you to taste yourself. So immersed in the distraction of finally feeling his lips against your own, you don’t notice when he loosens his grip on your face to grab one of your hands instead, placing it on his still-clothed bulge and growling into your mouth as you massage the hard shape of him.

“Feel what you do to me, babygirl?” Joel breaks the kiss to ask, voice low and eyes dark. “Even if I kept you away from me, wouldn’t fuckin’ matter. Still have to take care o’ myself one way or another, would just be pretendin’ it was your perfect cunt squeezin’ me instead o’ my hand, anyway. Might as well stick to the real thing, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree, lashes fluttering at his filthy words.

“Yeah? You want it? Want Daddy to split you open again?”

Your skin is burning hot, every one of your nerve endings on fire with need, and you don’t care how pitiful you sound when you answer with, “Please, Daddy.”

“Good girl,” Joel praises. He makes quick work of ridding himself of his belt, tossing it aside to join your discarded panties on the floor with a metallic thud before freeing his leaking cock from his jeans. He prods the thick head at your entrance, still so wet and stretched out from the earlier efforts of his fingers and tongue that he slides inside with hardly any resistance. “Greedy thing…” he hisses, holding onto your hips as he watches his thick length begin to slide in and out of you. A flash of silver catches his attention from the edge of his vision, and he focuses there instead, on the cross shaped charm dangling from your neck and resting between your breasts. He picks it up between his large thumb and forefinger, rubbing the pads of them along the smooth metal. “Probably shouldn’t be wearin’ such a thing anymore, hm? Now that I know how much of a whore you really are.”

“Not… ‘m not a whore,” you counter, but it’s so futile, meaning nothing at all when you really take a look at where you are now, how it all began, and how your voice cracks in your poor attempt to prove him wrong.

“Y’ are, though, songbird. ‘S okay that you are. Only for me though, huh? Jus’ Daddy’s whore? All mine?” Joel drops the cross in favor of cradling your cheek, hurrying his pace as he taunts you. There’s no use in denying it, not when his degrading words prompt your cunt to squeeze around him and provide more slick aid for his quickening thrusts, an involuntary whine escaping your throat. You’re seeing such a different side to him now than the one he showed you the night before, and you begin to wonder which one is the real Joel, or if either of them are, or if both of them are, somehow. Or if he even knows. You’re willing to take whichever one he decides to let you have, you think.

“Y-your whore, Daddy… wanna be yours, please,” you babble, his cock hitting you deep and hard as you let him fuck you so dumb you allow yourself to just give in and agree to whatever he says you are, whatever he wants you to be, just the way he likes.

“Fuck,” Joel curses through gritted teeth, removing his hand from your face and to grip onto the plush of your hip again. Your pliant state and filthy admission combined with that sinful symbol around your neck spur him on, and he uses his hold on your skin to fuck into you with abandon. “Really would just let me ruin you, huh? Tried to be a decent man for once in my goddamn life, but you just had to be a fuckin’ brat about it and start some shit, didn’t you? If you don’t want me decent, tha’s fine by me, baby. But lemme make somethin’ real goddamn clear to you,” he rambles, each slam of his hips into yours getting you closer to release for the second time. He delivers another sharp slap to your cheek with a You listenin’? and you nod to the best of your ability, finding it impossible to focus your eyes on him as that knot in your stomach begins to tighten.

“You want this, you wanna be mine, you can be mine, babygirl. Lord knows I’d find my way right back inside this sinful lil’ cunt, anyway. But this ain’t gonna be a fuckin’ relationship, you understand? Take it or leave it, songbird.” He slows his thrusts as he spells out his ultimatum, but they still make you ache, all the same. His fiery gaze bores a hole straight through your skull as he awaits your response.

“Take it, w-wanna take it, Daddy.” The desperation in your voice and painted across your expression have him returning to his punitive pace, grunting and swearing into the warm skin of your neck as your hands scramble across his back, pulling yourself into him and burying your face into his shoulder. His thick leather jacket helps to muffle your cries as he loses all control, using your body to chase after his own high.

“Course you’re gonna take it, filthy thing. Made to fuckin’ take it, Christ,” Joel rambles, your vocalizations increasing in pitch as you squeeze around him, whole body tensing as your sore pussy prepares to drench him one more time. “So goddamn desperate… Just take whatever I give you, however I wanna give it to you, always have you comin’ on my cock just the same, huh? Go on, babygirl, come for Daddy again, tha’s right…”

With his permission, and a few more just-right strokes of his tip against that sweet spot deep inside your walls, you’re spasming in his hold, whining that filthy title you had just used against him less than an hour ago. He spills his release into you at the same time, and despite the way he’s treated you and the words he’s spat at you tonight, it makes you feel whole again.

You breathe heavily against each other for a few minutes, neither of you wanting to let go as you both struggle to process what the hell just happened, what it will mean for the remainder of the tour.

A sudden knock at the door quickly yanks you out of your thoughts, offering a taste of what the future may hold much earlier than you were expecting.

“Joel? You in there?” a voice asks from outside the dressing room.

“Huh…? Yeah, just gimme a–”

The door opens before Joel can finish answering, and you can see clear as day over his shoulder that it’s Jesse.

He claps his hand over his eyes when he notices you, but you can still see how his cheeks burn red under his fingers as he shifts where he stands, undoubtedly trying to come up with the least mortifying way to get himself out of this situation.

“Jesus, kid–” Joel grumbles, finally pulling out of you and shoving his still-slick cock back into his briefs. He zips himself up as you tug the skirt of your dress back down to cover yourself, still feeling much more exposed than you’d like as you eye your forgotten panties laying just a few feet from where Jesse stands.

“Sorry! Sorry, Joel. It’s just, uh—”

Joel turns to face him as he finishes adjusting himself, and you’re thankful that he doesn’t walk away from you completely, using his broad form to provide you with what little modesty he can afford under the circumstances. “What, Jess?” he barks, exasperated.

“Um… The guys asked me to come find you, we’re on in like a minute—”

“Well, tell ‘em to hold their fuckin’ horses. I’m comin,” Joel orders.

“A-alright, I will, man. I’ll, uh… I’ll see you out there.”

Jesse leaves the room as hurriedly as he had entered, nervously fumbling with the handle as he shuts the door on his way out. “That kid ever learn how to fuckin’ knock?” Joel mutters to himself, picking his belt up off the floor and looping it back around his waist. He retrieves your ruined panties when he’s done and casually tosses them over to you, a stark contrast from the attentive aftercare he had provided last night. You slide off the vanity table and tug them back on over your legs, shivering at the feeling of the cool, damp fabric against where you’re so sensitive and sore, still leaking Joel’s spend. You fidget with the hem of your dress and try to ignore the way your heart sinks into your stomach, wondering what Jesse must think of you now. You haven’t really spoken to him at all since this whole thing started, and you doubt you ever will after what happened tonight. Of course, he’d had a front row seat to your obscene little performance during Kiss it Better, but it was all just an act, as far as he knew. But he has more than enough confirmation now to know that it very much wasn’t, and the humiliation of it all makes your anxious imagination begin to run wild. Your bottom lip quivers at the thought of Jesse running straight back to the guys with a shit-eating look on his face, eager to tell them all about how he just saw their opening act with her legs spread for Joel in his dressing room. Images flash through your mind of the band you’ve looked up to for so long now shooting you dirty looks backstage and whispering about you amongst themselves, sharing their doubts about if you really deserve to be touring with them at all. Maybe they’d call you easy, say that you’re just another dumb slut who gave it up for the first rockstar who asked, that your career will be doomed unless you grow up and learn to respect yourself a little more. And maybe they’d be right.

You can’t stop a few hot tears from rolling down your cheek at your catastrophizing, but you wipe them away quickly. This is what you asked for, isn’t it? Joel had given you an opportunity to leave this where he had ended it, and you were the one who had begged to be his, even after he showed you what it would look like, and told you explicitly what it would never be. You pull your shoulders back and make an effort to stand up a little straighter as he addresses you again, not wanting to look like some pathetic, defeated thing.

“You good? Need anythin’?” Joel asks, and it would be kind of sweet if he weren’t halfway out the door already.

You sniffle a little, but try to feign nonchalance as you shake your head and reply, “No, ‘m fine.”

You must not do a very good job of it, because he’s craning his neck to look down the hallway as soon as you finish your sentence, like he knows exactly what’s on your mind. “Don’t worry ‘bout him,” Joel says to you, giving an annoyed shake of his head. “If he knows what’s good for him he’ll go to his grave swearin’ he didn’t see anything. Kid knows better,” he reassures, and it does help to slow the unspooling of your thoughts some.

“Okay,” is all you offer, along with a small smile.

Joel nods curtly, “Okay.” And after another beat and a rake of his eyes along your form, “I’ll see ya, songbird.”

He’s gone before you can reply, and you let the sound of the door closing ring out in your ears until you’re left in total silence, save for the sound of your own unsteady breathing. More than anything else, you just want to head back to your bus and scrub yourself clean of him, to put on unstained clothes and remove your ruined makeup so that you have a better chance of recognizing yourself in the mirror if you’re unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of your reflection. Maybe if you hurry the pace of your walk of shame, you can outrun the feeling altogether, you think, swinging the dressing room door open and letting it slam behind you as you make a swift exit, heading straight for the one place that even slightly resembles a home to you right now. You keep your head low as you wander the unfamiliar backstage halls, and hold the skirt of your dress down against the breeze that threatens to expose you yet again when you push open the venue’s back door. More tears begin to fall as your boots carry you up the steps of your bus and lead you to your private little room in the back, and you don’t wipe them away this time, although you can’t put your finger on why they stream down your skin so impatiently, one stinging droplet after another.

You sit down heavily on the edge of your bed, although you have a strange urge to kneel at the foot of it instead. Your fingers find their way to your crucifix as you contemplate the idea, and it hits you all at once how very lost you feel. You miss… something. Your mother? Perhaps not, but maybe the idea of having a caregiver, someone to turn to when you feel the way you do now, to help you sort through the tangled knot of emotions unraveling itself in your heart and attempt to make some kind of sense of it. She wasn’t the perfect mother, by any means, but she tried, and it was her first time being a woman too, after all. You are following in her footsteps, as many daughters aspire to do with their mothers, but you don’t think she would be very proud of the particular path of hers you’ve begun to find yourself stumbling down—the one that leads you to a man who won’t change himself, who can’t, but who you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you deserve, because you’ve never known a man who’s told you otherwise.

And now here you sit, alone, in the dark cave of your too-big bus on the second night of a career-changing national tour, crying girlish tears and missing something you can’t place but that you know you can’t go back to, wishing someone could just wipe your mind clean and tell you that you’re good and that you’re not a disappointment to your mother and God even though you don’t really care what they think of you anymore, anyway. You need someone to tell you who you are, and Joel seems to know the answer—a good girl, a whore, his songbird. You shift at the memories of when those names for you have spilled from his mouth, and you’re reminded of the wet fabric still pressed against your core. It feels good when he tells you who you are, after all, when he slots himself inside of you and makes you feel like something he owns, when he makes you feel perfect and floaty and beautiful and like he knows you better than you’ve ever known yourself.

And how could something that feels so good ever be bad for you?

—

The whiskey burns as it slides down the back of Joel’s throat, but it still isn’t strong enough. All it does is remind him of the igniting spark that led to the blaze now engulfing him—when you’d both had a few glasses of the stuff swimming around in your blood streams in the green room of last night’s venue, when he’d lured you onto his lap and teased the wet spot on your panties and asked if you’d let him touch you. He knew you were going to say yes, but it was still the respectable thing to do, and he had liked hearing you beg for it all pretty and polite. He fears that’s the last he may have seen of that version of you, that what he did this morning had stomped out the little delicate, glimmering light that had drawn him to you in the first place. And if it wasn’t snuffed out then, it’s surely nothing but a wisp of smoke now.

Joel had recognized when everything had started to become too real too fast, in the dark of his bus last night when even in your sleep, you had seemed to consider him as something warm and comforting and safe, instead of the beast that he knows himself to be, with too sharp of claws and too loud of a roar. He had tried to do the right thing for once in his goddamn life by finally thinking about someone other than himself, so why didn’t you take the opportunity to get out of this while you had the chance? What is it that you see in him that he knows for a fact isn’t there, has never been there? You had retaliated because you had wanted this to work, because he had hurt you when he shoved you away, but he can’t possibly fathom why you’ve chosen to fight so hard for this. And he’d only gone and proved himself right when he responded to your reprisal the only way he knows how, especially when you’d used that word against him that he’s always been avoidant to admit about himself—coward.

And you were right, weren’t you? Joel is a fucking coward. He does everything in his power to pretend otherwise, to show his fans and the world a version of himself who’s never for a second thought of himself as anything less than God incarnate. And maybe except for Tommy, no one has ever been the wiser to his ruse, until you. And it scares him, to be seen so clearly. Because then he might actually have to try to understand where all these defense mechanisms came from in the first place, and he can’t have that.

Coward.

Joel tosses back the last of the amber liquid in his glass, releasing his white-knuckled grip on it and slamming it back down onto the green room’s bar cart. He knows that his band and about twenty thousand people are waiting for him to buck up and emerge from yet another hiding place, and he realizes that this is becoming a pattern with you—you awaken some long-dormant feeling from deep inside of him, it makes him feel threatened, and he retreats until it goes away and he remembers how to paint his mask back on. And the one time you didn’t allow him to run away, he lashed out like a caged animal and undoubtedly gave you a pretty solid idea of what he meant by “for your own good”. And yet, you were so desperate to be allowed any part of him at all that even in his most volatile and beastly state, with his talons out and his teeth bared, you didn’t run away. You didn’t even try. You didn’t want to. You took everything he had given you like it was a privilege to do so, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever understand why.

Joel shakes himself out, hitting a solid hand against his cheek once in order to bring himself back from the depths of another unwanted episode of introspection and self-loathing, and lets the burn of the whiskey dissipate as he makes his way to where the rest of Death’s Head is waiting for him. He can feel their eyes on him without even needing to look, and snaps out a defensive I don’t wanna hear it before any of the guys get a chance to say anything.

Tommy shrugs, stepping up to Joel with his arms crossed. “Wasn’t gonna say nothin’.”

Joel finally turns to face the group, giving each member a scrutinizing once-over in an attempt to read their body language, to suss out if they’re just pissed because he left them waiting, or if Jesse ran his mouth while he was gone. When Joel’s examining eyes land on the dark-haired guitarist, Jesse’s quick to shake his head, mouthing the words they don’t know. Satisfied, Joel nods once in understanding, adjusting his jacket and cracking his neck before turning toward the stage again.

“Y’all ready, or what?” he mutters rhetorically, not bothering to wait for an answer before he marches his way into the spotlights and allows them to enshroud him, burning up what remains of that cowardly version of him, if only for the remainder of the night. Joel picks up his guitar, swinging the strap around his chest before fiddling with his mic stand as the deafening sound of the crowd reminds him of who the fuck he is, or at least, who they think he is. Who he pretends to be. And he gets to believe it for the next two hours. If he plays the part well enough, maybe he can lose himself in it entirely. But then, hasn’t he been trying to do that for the past couple of decades? It hasn’t seemed to work yet, but it doesn’t hurt to keep trying.

Or maybe it does.

—

You feel a little better now, more at ease, now that you’ve had some time to focus on taking care of yourself. It’s easy to forget the wonders that a hot shower can do for a girl, especially when you have to fight against your own brain just to get up and take the ten or so steps towards the bathroom, when you’d much rather stay curled up in the same position on your bed until your skin adheres to the sheets. Now having scrubbed away the tears and the sweat and the tacky dampness between your thighs, you emerge from a cloud of rose-scented humidity as someone you think you understand a little better now, who deserves to be taken care of instead of reprimanded for only doing her best with what she’s been given.

With clean hair and skin and a comfortable change of sleep-ready attire, you decide to finally make some efforts to unpack your suitcase and make your little room feel more like a home. You hang your dresses up on the rack, set your shoes into a somewhat orderly line on the carpet below them, and place your jewelry neatly onto the antique tray you had carefully packed away to bring along with you. You had found it in a little thrift store downtown, when you had first left home and decided you needed something that was only yours, something pretty and special that you could look at everyday and know that it was the very first step in building the life that you had always wanted for yourself. The brass needs a little polishing, but it’s still one of the most beautiful objects you’ve ever seen, and the way the ceiling lights glint off the metal brightens up your space just enough that it feels a little more familiar to you now.

Your earrings and other necklaces fill the blank space in the center of the neatly carved filigree, and you make the decision to add your crucifix to the pile of silver studs and chains. It’s strange how such a simple charm can make things feel so complicated. You haven’t taken it off in so long that you fear the guilt that might come with removing it, but you figure it will still be there for you if you ever feel like clipping it around your neck again. And if that feeling never comes, then you’ll deal with that then, too.

For now, you breathe a little deeper without the weight of the thing resting against your chest, and smile to yourself when you hear a small group of excitable-sounding male voices approaching your bus. Your bandmates file through the door a second later, though you’re suddenly shy to greet them as you emerge from your bedroom, worried that they might be pissed at you for what you sprung on them earlier in the night. You lean against the doorframe as they each collapse onto the living area couches, cracking open beers from the minifridge and passing them around to each other.

“Hey, you,” greets your floppy-haired drummer, Max, patting the cushion next to him. If any of the guys were to be easy going about what you put them through tonight, it would be him. You’re happy to see that he doesn’t seem to hold any animosity towards you. “You want me to crack one open for you?” he offers.

“Um… sure,” you agree, approaching the group and relaxing into the open seat next to him as he hands you a bottle. You take a few swigs while the guys begin to talk amongst themselves, waiting for an opportune lull in their conversation for you to chime in.

It comes about halfway through your beer. “So, listen,” you start, setting the sweating bottle on the table in front of you as you feel their gazes shift in your direction. “I’m sorry for pulling that on you guys tonight. This whole thing is just as big for y’all as it is for me and… I guess I forgot about that, for a second,” you say, although the end of your sentence kind of sounds like a question. “I really appreciate how you backed me up out there, that’s all.”

It’s rare that the four of you get sincere with each other like this, and your apology lingers in the air for a moment before someone else speaks up.

“It’s alright, kid.” The comforting voice comes from Scott, your quiet and kind-eyed bassist. “We’re all professionals here, yeah? We’d be some sad fuckin’ musicians if we couldn’t improvise every once in a while.” You laugh at that, and his lopsided smile warms you when you meet his soft expression.

“I mean, I kinda fucked up a little bit,” says Joey, your rhythm guitarist, ever-reliable for lightening the mood. “You sounded badass though, so whatever. Nothin’ you need to apologize for.” When you turn your head to look at him, he looks slightly uncomfortable with the way Max has him pressed up against the wall, but his gaze is sincere. “You wanna talk about it, though? Some pretty heavy shit you wrote.”

You do consider it, but shake your head, having reflected on it quite enough for one night. “Not right now,” you reply, and he gives you a sympathetic smile in return. “One of you have a smoke, though? Think I’m just gonna get some air and call it a night.”

“Now, how are you gonna ‘get some air’ with all that smoke in your lungs?” Scott jests, and you give him a look before standing up and holding your palm out flat to him, making a hand it over gesture with your fingers.

“Don’t give me shit, dude, I know you have one. That’s why I asked.”

Despite his protest, he digs the pack out of his pocket and slides one out, playfully holding it hostage against his chest. “Still shouldn’t smoke ‘em, though. Gonna ruin your voice one of these days.”

You roll your eyes at him, but laugh, anyway. “Fine, tonight’s my last one, I promise. Just gimme.”

Scott extends his hand out to you, and you snatch the cigarette out of his hold. “Light, too?” he asks, and you nod, leaning down to him with it in your mouth already.

You make a quick exit when the tobacco begins to burn, trying to fill the bus with as little smoke as possible, but not before making your appreciation known to the guys one last time. When you step out into the chilly night air, you wish you’d brought a sweater to wrap around you, but figure the flame between your lips will warm you up soon enough.

The Death’s Head bus is parked just up ahead, and you can make out Jesse’s silhouette in the moonlight, his back leaned against the idling vehicle as he puffs his own cloud into the sky. The sound of your bus’s door shutting behind you draws his attention your way, and you give each other a friendly nod as you each burn through your cigarettes.

“Can I join you?” he asks, having to shout in order for his voice to reach you over the rumbling engines.

The fears you were ruminating on a few hours ago all come rushing back to you in an instant, but his inquiry seems casual enough for you to let your guard back down a little. It would be rude of you to decline, and it might be nice to get to know him a bit more if he’s offering, you suppose.

“Yeah, okay,” you reply, nodding for good measure in case your voice didn’t come out loud enough. His long legs close the short distance between you in just a few seconds, and you shove your unoccupied hand into your pocket in an effort to come across more relaxed than you feel. You’ve never been great at small talk, or meeting new people, especially ones who’ve walked in on you after having just been fucked by the lead singer of his band.

You’re grateful that Jesse decides to break the silence first. “So, uh… you two, huh?”

“Mhm,” is all you offer, kicking a rock around the asphalt with the toe of your shoe.

“Yeah… Well, I don’t want you to feel weird around me, or anything. We can just forget it ever happened.”

You can’t help but release a puff of smoke through an awkward giggle. “Sounds good to me.”

“And I didn’t tell the other two, just so you know.”

His admission makes you pause, trapping the rock underneath your shoe as you peer up at him. “You didn’t? So… they don’t know?”

Jesse shakes his head. “Don’t think so. Well, Tommy might, just ‘cause he knows Joel better than anybody, but Eugene’s probably clueless. They’re all good guys, they won’t give you shit for it even if they do find out… I might, though, just for fun.” He nudges your shoulder with his as he jokes, and it makes you laugh a little more earnestly this time. “Just… be careful, that’s all. And I want you to know you have a friend in me, if you ever feel like you need one.”

His kindness is nearly enough to bring you to tears. You feel so relieved that everything the worst parts of your brain had conjured up had all been a lie, that Jesse isn’t who you feared he’d be, and that he’s offering you his friendship, even after he’d seen you in such an embarrassing and compromising state tonight.

“Jess!” Joel yells from the doorway of his bus, and the harsh gravel voice startles both of you out of the moment you’d been sharing. “Finish up, kid. Takin’ off in a few.”

Jesse nods, raising the end of his cigarette in acknowledgement before stomping it out on the pavement. “It was nice talking to you. Remember what I said, okay?”

“Okay,” you nod, and he’s handsome and boyish when he smiles back at you before following his orders and jogging back to his own bus, sliding through the door past Joel’s broad form.

Joel’s expression is hard, but otherwise unreadable as he juts his chin at you, wordlessly suggesting the same direction he’d just barked at Jesse. He shuts the door behind him as he steps inside, and you think on Jesse’s words as you finish puffing your smoke down to a nub. Be careful, he’d cautioned, and it’s like he had been waiting outside for you to make sure he had a chance to tell you that. Remember what I said, like it was important to him that you took his words to heart. You finally toss the end of your own cigarette onto the ground, letting it sizzle out before heading back inside and carefully passing the now-occupied bunks as you make your way to your own little sanctuary.

You’re still buzzing from the tobacco as you close yourself into your room and crawl into bed, and you can’t decide if the emptiness of it makes you feel comforted or afraid. You don’t necessarily wish you had Joel’s heavy, lumbering form tucked in beside you, but you hadn’t anticipated how having a bed to yourself would leave you with only the company of your own thoughts. You try not to dwell too much on Jesse’s warning, instead trying to snuff it out like the smoldering end of your cigarette so that it doesn’t prevent you from getting some much needed rest.

Even for being a bed inside of a tour bus, you have to admit that it’s one of the most comfortable, luxurious things you’ve ever slept on, especially compared to the lumpy double bed from back in your apartment. You don’t fight it when sleep begins to pull heavily on your eyelids, the incoming wave of it washing away any lingering anxieties as you allow yourself to relax into the plush mattress.

You hardly rouse even as the bus heaves forward on its trip out of the parking lot, leaving everything that happened tonight exactly where you left it, the ghost of it now left to wander the halls of the venue instead of haunting you as you travel to the next one. And there’s something comforting in that, you think, in the idea that nothing on this tour is permanent, that your life begins anew every 24 hours in a city you’ve never been to that doesn’t know your name yet.

And maybe that’s how you’ll figure this whole thing out, by taking it one day at a time, fluttering as close to the flame as possible without touching it, because you kind of like feeling the heat on your wings. As long as you’re careful when you dance around the fire, then there’s really nothing to be afraid of.

But only time will tell.

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