#crazy to me that people still say there was no indication whatsoever

[bobbydidmytaxes]

Oh god, he’s right. There’s just so much fucking insurance. Don’t grow up, kids.

[skzhocomments]

Mafia Book #2 - PART I - The Black Iris - Chapter 2 - Time Machine

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

General masterlist

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

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PART I - THE BLACK IRIS

Chapter 2 - Time Machine

chapter word count: 4k words

This is it. She thought. It will finally end. Just one more step.

She breathed in anxiously a couple of times, her chest rising up and down rapidly, and after a few moments of gathering her courage, deep breaths in her lungs, she jumped.

She expected to be free falling for a couple of seconds until she inevitably hit the cold water down below, the impact probably shattering enough bones for her to be unable to swim, and drown if she somehow survived the impact.

However, instead of the liberating feeling of free falling and then the bliss of death, she felt herself dangling over the dark abyss under her.

Her whole body was being forcefully pulled back up by two strong arms, and she was surprised to see Minho's horrified, breathless figure.

Just like last time. he thought. I just can't stay away.

Seeing someone commit suicide never phased Minho. More often than not, he was the reason behind people taking their own lives instead of suffering at his cruel hands. So why did he intervene? Why did he run over to the other side as quickly as he could, praying that he'll get there in time to stop her?

He's certainly never prayed for anything else before.

Why did he care?

They only shared one kiss and some silent greetings from the other side of the bridge.

That's all.

So why did he find himself pulling on her arm with all his strength?

"Yah," he started. "if you really want to give up on your life so easily, give it to me."

Did she hear him right?

"What are you saying?" she asked, perplexed. "Why did you stop me?"

Despite what she just tried to do, she was composed and calm. The only indication that she could've been nervous were her still rapid breaths.

"You heard me. Instead of throwing it all away, give it to me. I'll handle it with care, doll."

His gaze was burning through her skull, but the scariest thing of it all was that he actually looked like he meant it.

He wanted her. Badly.

And he always got what he wanted, one way or another.

Minho let go of her arm and bent down to pick her shoes, helping her put them on.

Her still expressionless face turned into a frown, as she spoke:

"Minho, there's nothing you can use me for. I don't feel anything anymore. I'm broken beyond repair..."

"I doubt that, Iris. So, why don't you join me?" He stood up and held out his hand towards her expectantly.

"I'm not doing this for you, just so you know. I'm doing this for me." He continued, bringing a small chuckle out of her.

Iris noticed the familiar lust in his eyes and she knew that it had nothing to do with her whatsoever. She knew he was infatuated with her from the first moment their eyes met, and the touch of their tongues two months ago only proved so further.

She had to be crazy to take his hand.

But what was there to lose that she hasn't already lost?

So, as crazy as it seemed, she grabbed his hand and held on to it for dear life.

He reciprocated the gesture and gently folded his palm to completely capture hers, both starting to walk away from the bridge.

~

"Where are we going?" she asked, walking next to him leisurely.

"Hmm, what about a hotel for now? I can't take you home just yet."

"Why not? Do you have a girlfriend waiting for you? A few children you're trying to run away from?"

"Pff, girlfriend? Why not wife?" He chuckled.

"Because you don't wear a ring, nor do you have any mark on your finger to indicate that you ever wore one."

"Observant."

"That's my job."

"Yea? What do you do for a living?"

"I studied psychology for a few years, and now I'm a therapist." She said, before muttering a small "Was." under her breath, too quiet for Minho to hear.

"Beautiful and smart. But doll, since you're going to follow me, you'll need to stop working. I'll give you as much money as you want anyway."

"... As you know, I was planning to die tonight, so I quit my job already. But really? How much money is that?"

"You name it. No amount is off the table."

"1 million dollars."

"Sure. That's nothing." He shrugged.

"Hm, is that so? Let me ask you one question then – are we talking cash only?"

Minho stopped and looked at her.

"What is it, doll?" Iris smirked.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Hmm." She shrugged. "Since you know what I do for a living, shouldn't you also tell me what you do?"

"Seems you already figured it out somehow." A mischievous grin appeared on his face.

"Perhaps. Let me know how close I am. Your fighting skills are immaculate, and you carry yourself with a lot of confidence. You could've been a policeman, in a perfect world, maybe, but since you're willing to throw so much money out the window for, essentially, a stranger, I'd say there's no way. You're a gangster, maybe?"

He fooled around with many girls before, with some of them even for multiple months until he inevitably got bored, but they never came close to at least guessing what he did. No matter how much money he'd throw their way, how many details he'd share. They were all oblivious.

But Iris?

Oh, how intelligent she was. Way too delicious.

"You knew, but still chose to follow me?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Mhm. You know, Minho? I've had many clients and I've dealt with many criminals in my short-lived career. Maybe some of them your friends?" She winked playfully. "It became so easy to see through them... they're all like glass. Their intentions are clearly visible to me."

"Is that so?" He asked, curiosity lacing his tone. He wanted to know more about her.

"You, however... seem to be more human than any other criminal or normal person I've met. Since I can't seem to get rid of you and you won't even let me die in peace... why not just join you and satisfy this curiosity of mine?"

"They say if you play with fire, you get burned."

"I'm not wooden, Minho. I'm gasoline."

Oh, how much he liked her.

"Why work with criminals, though? Why pick that field instead of living a chill life and listening to regular people's rants?"

"..."

"Is it the same reason that brought you on top of the bridge's railing tonight?"

"You're observant as well." She smiled. "It is. I just... wanted to get something back for myself."

"You've said that before."

"I didn't, though. I didn't get it back. I don't know how to get it back. So, I did the only thing that could stop this... train of thoughts I can't shut down."

"What is it that you lost?"

"That's a story for another night, doll." She smiled. "Do take me to your house though, will you? No hotels."

"If you insist..."

~

~Iris' POV~

"Shit, you weren't joking when you said a million bucks is nothing to you." I remarked, as Minho led me to an enormous house in the heart of the city. If not for the large gates where the garden starts, you'd think this was in the middle of a public park, judging by the size.

"Of course I wasn't." Minho rolled his eyes.

I was impressed. This was one big ass house you normally only see in movies, or on Google Maps if you're bored enough, and it's so perfectly strategically hidden, that you wouldn't even know such a wonderful mansion is hiding among the greenery.

"So, who else lives here?"

"My brothers and sisters, you'll get along well." He winked, opening the big mansion's door.

As soon as you could peek inside, the first thing you'd see is a big ballroom-like space with an intricate staircase leading upstairs.

What kind of parties must be happening here? I thought, but brushed the thought away. I didn't want to end up caught in superficial details, even though getting lost in details was what I was most used to doing.

When we entered, a very attractive man stepped out of a room on the right side – what seemed to be a kitchen – and stared at us intimidatingly.

"Who is this?" he asked coldly, eyeing me up and down.

What a bad day to not wear my usual work clothes: the pencil skirt and my high heels. It would've been a different kind of power play, perhaps, taking into account the man's elegant attire.

"Chris, hello to you too." Minho replied, taking my hand in his protectively. His hand was warm, and his thumb grazed over mine assuringly.

You are safe. Is what he wanted to tell me. I will protect you no matter what.

This Chris dude, despite his daunting appearance, looked absolutely harrowing. His skin was dull, his eyes puffy, big dark circles surrounding them, and his hands were shaking a bit; he had ridges around his nails' bed.

Sleep deprivation and vitamin B deficiency. I thought.

"Yes, yes, hello." He replied, slight irritability in his tone. "Now, back to this question, who is this?"

"Well, 'this' is right in front of you, and you can address her directly." I spoke, taking my hand out of Minho's and handing it towards the man, in anticipation of a shake.

"I am Iris. It's nice to meet you, Chris." I put on my best smile, following his reactions.

He contemplated for a second before shaking my hand, his eyes staring directly into mine. They were devoid of any emotion; only an authoritative figure would be able to look so soulless.

"So, Iris, what brings you to my mansion?"

"You must be the boss, then." I smiled, my words making him raise an eyebrow.

"And you must know what we're doing, then. Minho, may we have a word in private?"

~

~Minho's POV~

"Minho, may we have a word in private?" Chan spoke, his cold gaze meeting mine. I needed to play my cards right.

What should I say? Should I lie? Should I tell him I'm in love with her or something? I thought, but before having enough time to react, Iris started speaking again.

"Chris, I'm a licensed therapist specialising in psychological criminology and Minho brought me here to help all of you manage your emotions. Of course, I won't interfere in any way with your business, nor do I care for it too much." she shrugged.

What game is she playing?

For a brief moment, confusion was written all over Chan's face, before it contorted with anger.

"Why?" He asked, annoyed. "What are you getting out of it?"

"Out of what?" Iris asked, her brows furrowing as if she was puzzled by his sudden outburst.

"Out of coming here."

"... A fresh start, and I've been promised some pretty bucks." She replied after contemplating for a few seconds. "So, I followed him." Iris smiled and pointed her thumb to me.

"Minho, I told you countless times that I don't need therapy, and what do you do? You go out of your way and bring in a stranger-"

"Don't you, though?" Iris interrupted him; her tone was harsh, as if she was threatening him.

"Look, I don't know what he told you about me, but-"

"He didn't tell me anything." She smiled. "I never get info on my clients from somebody else. I like to make my own analysis. Actually, before walking through the door I didn't even know your name, nor did Minho mention anything about you specifically needing therapy. But after speaking with you for just 2 minutes, I can tell you need help, and I can help you."

"I don't need any help. I already told you." He retorted, defence lacing his tone.

"Chris, let me point something out to you. You are currently trembling, and you are getting more irritated by the minute. You most likely don't know why you're shaking, nor why your hands and feet are probably tingling right now. Either that, or they are completely numb."

"..."

"Okay... since you let me continue... I can tell from a glance that you have a severe case of insomnia and a lack of appetite that is causing all sorts of issues with your body, mainly a vitamin deficit. I'm no doctor, though, so you might want to get that checked out."

Fuck, she's good. I smirked. She was really observant, and she completely got Chris' attention.

"No, I'm really okay-"

"What did you eat today?"

"... what?"

"How much?" Iris kept her professional smile on her lips.

"... one apple?"

"And yesterday?"

"..."

"Two days ago? Last week? Last month?"

"Look, I told you-"

"Aren't you feeling more drained of energy than ever?"

"..."

"And right now, Chris... you started involuntarily fidgeting. Are you feeling restless? Why are you breathing faster and sweating, hm? Could it be that... everything I said... was spot on... and you're getting nervous?" she smiled gently.

"This doesn't mean anything..." he rubbed his nape.

"Let me help you."

"I don't need help."

"We can get to the bottom of it together." She spoke calmly.

Her sweet voice was becoming an obsession; it was melody to my ears. Would she speak that gently to me as well?

It was like magic. The way she articulated her words made you want to open up to her, to let her know anything and everything. Maybe what they say is true, and every human being has something to them that makes them special. Some sort of magic.

Maybe that thing about Iris was her soothing voice.

"No." Chris replied again, lowering his head and rubbing his forehead. "You can't do anything to help me. No one can."

"That's not true."

"Unless you can change the past." Chan chuckled bitterly. He probably didn't realise it, but he was opening up to her just by telling her this small detail – that there was something in his past that needed to be changed somehow, that he was powerless in this regard, however, and there was no way to change anything.

It was the first time since killing Hyo that Chan seemed not so opposed to the idea of trusting someone new.

Maybe it was because I was the one to bring Iris here. He could've pulled out his gun and shot her, with how impulsive he's been lately. This was the reason why I was reluctant to bring Iris to this place, instead of a hotel. We've all been walking on eggshells around him.

But he didn't.

Maybe he still trusted my judgement.

He didn't ever hold Emilia's death over my head, even though I shared part of the blame for it. I, too, trusted Hyo more that night, and accepted every word she told us without questioning them for a second. Still, in Chan's eyes, I was not at fault, and he never blamed me.

Maybe that's why I felt so responsible for everything, why I so desperately wanted to make things right.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Iris touched his shoulder, making him flinch. However, he didn't move away. "I can't turn back time."

It was such a simple sentence, but it managed to bring a smile to Chan's face. The first genuine one I've seen lately. Last one was at Changbin's birthday party, but even that felt like a lifetime ago. It just occurred to me that he no longer smiles as carefree or brightly as he used to. It was so weird to see Chris like this again, but it felt so good, too. Liberating, almost.

Maybe all he needed all this time was to open up to someone else, a stranger with no ties to what went down that could objectively analyse the facts, that wouldn't be emotionally involved.

"I can, however, help you make sense of what happened in the past, and make you start accepting where you went wrong, instead of blaming and tormenting yourself to the point of self-destruction." Iris continued, returning his smile.

Her magic seemed to have the same effect on Chris as it did on me, I figured after hearing a small whisper saying "Okay."

"Thank you." She resumed her spot next to me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it.

She must've been nervous as well, but she didn't let it show at all, like a true professional.

"Then... will you show her the house, Minho?" Chan scratched his nape and started heading upstairs. "I'm really tired, I'll try to take a nap for now."

"Sure thing, boss."

~

Iris grazed the whole railing with her fingertips so gently, I remember the way she drew circles on my nape when we kissed so many nights ago. She seemed so caught up in the details, that I wasn't sure if I wanted to interrupt her thoughts.

I guided her to my room, and she seemed so curious about everything, taking in as much as possible. When I first saw her and got mesmerised, I had no idea she was going to end up being here.

I've never brought anyone back home before.

"This place is so beautiful. Who are these people?" She spoke after a while, stopping in front of the wood cabinet on the left side of the room and glancing at the big picture on the wall.

"That is... every important person that ever stepped in this house."

"Tell me their names." She smiled. "And their stories. Something about them that makes them be who they are in your eyes."

"Okay..." I chuckled. "This is Jisung, my best friend. He gets me. Hyunjin is... a very artistic person. Maybe you'll be invited to the greenhouse one day, to paint."

"The greenhouse?"

"Mhm. It's an art studio in the back gardens... I'll walk you through them tomorrow, during light. The gardens are very beautiful. I think you'd like them."

"Yea." She hummed. "I think so too."

"This right here is Felix, he lightens up any room he walks in."

"His smile is beautiful." Iris complimented.

"This is Momo, she is my partner. We do business together..."

"What kind of business?"

Should I tell her?

If she's going to live here, she should know, right?

"... gun trades." I hesitated but replied after a while.

Iris just nodded.

"Changbin... is a very supportive friend. He's the next in line if something happens to Chris or me."

"He's hot." She mumbled, and I playfully slapped her arm.

"Don't." I said with a slight chuckle.

"Just saying. He hits the gym, and it shows." She shrugged.

"Anyways, this is Jeongin. He used to be... really happy. But now... you'll see. You should try talking to him too, maybe you can help him."

"Yea. I'll try."

"This over here is Hyo. We don't really... talk about her."

"Why not?"

"She... betrayed us." I spoke, remembering that night almost 2 years ago when I so blindly trusted her. "This is Seungmin. He has snarky remarks, but he's a funny guy."

"Snarky remarks. My favourites." Iris chuckled.

"You already know Chris and me. Should we go to sleep?"

"You didn't tell me who she is." Iris pointed out to the one person I didn't want to talk about, for I was still holding on to the guilt of that night.

"That's..."

"The reason why Chris wants a time machine." She pointed out plainly.

"Mhm. Emilia. Soon will be her 2-year death anniversary."

"Chris looks so happy next to her..."

"He was. He was so happy, and we all ruined it."

"How?" Iris touched my right cheek gently, wiping away a tear I haven't even realised fell off.

"I really don't like... looking at this picture."

"I know. That's okay."

"We... killed her. All of us, with the dumb decisions we made that night... when Hyo betrayed us. I can't understand how we trusted her so blindly..."

"You know, Minho? The harshest betrayal never comes from your enemies."

"I know..."

"You were not wrong to trust someone." She whispered.

"I was not right either."

"We all make mistakes. What Chris feels right now... is not your fault. Don't put all the blame on yourself."

Her hand was still on my cheek, and I leaned into her touch.

How did she know? I wondered.

How did she know that I've been pondering on this over and over, that the only reason I've been coming to the bridge at 3 AM was because it was the only place where I could stop myself from thinking of everything that I could've done differently?

How did she know that I needed to be comforted?

I haven't even shared that much, but she seemed to have it all figured it out. She seemed to understand Chris, what happened, and me.

I let my head fall on her shoulder as she took me into a warm embrace.

Her waist fit perfectly in my hands, and as I pulled my head away, I pressed our lips together. I kissed her eagerly, loving her sweet tongue on mine, but unlike last time, I didn't want to do anything that would risk her moving away from me. I let her be in control, and she thoroughly explored my mouth, our breaths turning into short gasps in the few seconds we would spend apart.

Her hands found their way to my back, holding on to me as if I were an anchor to her. I wanted more, and for a short moment, I thought she wanted more as well, as our bodies stumbled on the bed and she got on top of me, not missing a beat.

She kissed me hungrily, but I happened to be even hungrier than she was. It was getting excruciatingly hard to let her have her way with me when all I wanted was to spin us around, get on top of her and fuck her senseless.

Still, I didn't do anything besides responding to her every touch the same way, my hands never once leaving her waist.

After a bit more kissing, she pulled away, the smeared lipstick on her face and innocent look in her black eyes driving me crazy.

"I'm sorry, Minho. I think it would be best to stop here and go to sleep." Her weight disappeared from my body, and her words left me cold. "It's been a long night for me..."

"Okay." I replied, wanting to seem indifferent. Even so, she could read me like an open book, so she just chuckled.

"Don't be disappointed. In normal circumstances you'd be here alone, and I'd be lying on the bottom of the lake, lungs full of water."

"Do you really have to put it that way?" I retorted. For some reason, I disliked hearing about her death, although what she was saying was true.

We weren't exactly from different worlds. If I would've done anything stupid enough to get caught, I might have even gotten to know her. But still, both of us finding solace on that bridge, with the abyss below us, felt like fate pulling its strings.

"Why, Minho, does death bother you?" She smiled.

"It doesn't. I just want to find out why it brings you so much comfort."

She looked away. It appears I once again hit a nerve.

"I will bring you some clothes to change into. Do you mind sleeping together?"

"What, you have such a big mansion and no free rooms?" She chuckled lightly.

"There are two empty rooms..."

"But not really empty, are they?"

I nodded. She got it once more.

It felt good to not have to say out loud that Emilia's room has stayed the same ever since she left, or that there were still Hyo's socks in the drawer next to the bed in her room. So much for having empty rooms.

"Let's sleep together, then. I don't mind waking up to an attractive man that's madly in love with me." She laughed.

"Don't push it." I joked back and threw her some of my pyjamas.

She went to change, and when she returned, we laid down next to each other in bed, our feet touching.

She closed her eyes and sighed, letting her body relax against the pillow.

"What are you thinking about?" I whispered.

"This day... was insane. What am I doing here?" She chuckled.

"You gave me your life, remember?"

"Mhm. Will you give me yours as well?"

"Only if you tell me how you do it."

"How I do what?"

"How you realised how Chris was feeling, how you knew not to ask further when I told you about the rooms... how you knew that we've been hurting..." I closed my eyes as well, feeling myself get sleepy.

"It takes one to know one." She whispered.

"You were not too far off earlier." I replied, feeling myself slowly drift off to sleep. "I am kind of... in love..."

"Sleep." She commanded with a slight chuckle in that persuasive but soothing voice of hers, and listening to her, I gave in, the events of today tiring me to the point of exhaustion.

---

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

[aroacesigma]

By all means ignore this if you'd rather not talk ab the show, but what exactly makes the loki series bad? Genq bc I'm kinda on the fence about it

dont worry i am ALWAYS happy to talk about why the show sucks . sorry this will be very long

basically it boils down to two things: straight up transphobia towards gfluid people , and character assasination . andddd the rest under the cut cause i tend to ramble ab this .

so, for a while now its been canon in marvel comics that loki is genderfluid. fans obviously were calling for this to be acknowledged for a while, actor seemed on board (still seemed on board . gonna be real w u hes the only member i dont blame he didnt seem particularly pleased about a lot of choices), blah blah . so obviously the producer gets asked and the dick michael waldron says yep ! yessir we have rep .

the rep in question was splitting the character into a male and female version, giving no indication towards any genderfluidity whatsoever (having all the 'male' variants be shocked that theres a female one like wtf), and then pulling some good old selfcest between the two at the end to really seal the deal . the bi representation that was also promised was a one off easily missable line but thats a whole other can of worms . it got worse after the show, whenever prompted about it people involved would say very weird shit. kate herron tried to pull the cis queer card a few times if im recalling correctly. dont even get me started on sophia di martino .

second problem, characterisation. at that point in the timeline we have loki straight out of avengers . which means you either have evil and a bit crazy loki or you have an opportunity to confirm the popular fan theory of mind control . neither happened , instead i think they were trying to speedrun his ragnarok/infinity war character development, fucked it up spectacularly and rather than making him a more morally grey but still a little bit yknow, loki, made him like...really wimpy for some reason? a lot of his actions were extremely out of character . theres a lot of focus on him being full of himself (hence the selfcest), which is kinda fundementally misunderstanding him as a character . the self obsession is a front which is obvious to anyone who watched even half of thor 1 . yknow, the very first movie hes in . side note michael waldron said he didnt watch thor 1 ? i cant tell if he was joking or not but on god it did not seem like he was from the show.

also more related to comics synergy, just sylvie as a character . they mashed up loki while fem presenting (why.), amora, and sylvie lushton when they couldve just had amora for a romance plot ??? sylvie lushton also fucking sucked like the comics community generally has a low opinion of her . her ass is homophobic and annoying and an amora knockoff . you could really see the inspiration shine through .

honestly the agent of asgard run is a very good example of how the variant concept can be handled well, and without blatant transphobia . honestly they shouldve gotten al ewing to write the whole thing hes the only person i trust to write loki .

so yeah sorry for the very long paragraph 😭😭😭 this show just drives me up the wall SO BAD

[cto10121]

Waking Romeo (2021)—Review Part 1

In which I finally reread Kathryn Barker’s Waking Romeo, a YA sci-fi Wuthering Heights/Romeo and Juliet crossover featuring time travel, Romeo the Death Eater, and *checks notes* Juliet/Heathcliff endgame. Yeah, not even joking. This time around the time travel stuff did make a whole lot more sense. Unfortunately it made everything else all the more ridiculous. Spoilers, of course, because I literally cannot.

So in this latest entry into published R&J fanfic, people have unfortunately discovered how to time travel. Unfortunate because they only knew how to go forwards, and not backwards, leading to a crapbasket hellish present what with Travellers disrupting and changing the past too much. Our Juliet comes from a family of Settlers, those who have eschewed time traveling altogether and created a settlement in London, and they have a feud with the similar Montagues (which—I kid you not—plays absolutely no role in this story whatsoever. Like, none.)

Juliet (now a jaded Jules) has recently recovered from a failed suicide with a dead arm and her Romeo is now in a coma. She visits him every day for the past two years, though, and even begins to write a play in iambic pentameter about their affair—literally, R&J, in the style of Shakespeare, Jules’ favorite author. But of course one day she meets a boy—Heathcliff Ellis, part of a group of time travelers known as the Deadenders, led by a mysterious AI called Frogs. Ellis is a dark-skinned boy from the 19th century and recovering from his own tragic love affair with Emily Brontë, who wrote the tale of their doomed love known as Wuthering Heights. Only she decided to portray a perfectly nice and basic Ellis as a rough bodice ripper alpha male aggressively antagonistic love interest. Ouch.

Rescued from a grisly fate by the leader of the Deadenders (three guesses who) Ellis now has his latest mission: To wake Romeo from his coma, as he and Juliet are the parents of the future Deadender leader. Without them getting together and having a son, the Deadenders would cease to exist and Frogs would be no more. Ellis and Jules team up with time travel shenanigans and of course catch feels. The rest is wild and slightly entertaining bullshit, with alternating Jules POV and Ellis POV. Let’s just get on with it.

[Jules POV] Rosaline takes the stage, all pretty, blond, and clean. She gives an exaggerated sniff, though not until everyone's quiet, so as not to waste it. Even from here I can see that her big blue eyes have just the right amount of wet—enough to prove she's still grieving after all this time, yet not so much that it smudges her coveted mascara.

“It's been two years," she says softly, then gives a dramatic pause. It hasn't been two years, you self-aggrandizing cow. It's been one year, eleven months, and thirty days. […]

The girl really does live for such stuff. I don't know how she managed to spin it the way she did, but serious props for a job well done. Nobody remembers the pesky little detail about how she dumped him and broke his heart. Hell no. In the retelling, she was his one great love and I was just the little skank who killed him. Well, mostly killed him, if you're getting all technical.

Aaaaand right away I want to stab something. It’s arguably even worse at the end, when Jules and Rosaline become friends for no good reason. No development, none at all. And of course there is the anti dumb of any version of Rosaline dating/caring for Romeo.

From behind a wall of dark fringe, I see that Romeo’s besties have spied me. Laurence is keeping it simple with a fairly standard glare. Paris has gone one better, mouthing "crazy" at me from across the chapel. (5)

So this is the first indicator that this Romeo is very different than his canon personality—as in, he is an asshole with asshole friends. Unfortunately Jules is made dumber than bricks and does not realize the red flags until the very end.

[Ellis POV] DEMONSTRABLY SUPERIOR

"Our jumps are—"

ALMOST EMBARRASSINGLY SO

“—are programmed by an AI called Frogs, who is prone to interrupting," finishes Iggy, zooming in on the top level of the bus, where the circuitry that constitutes Frogs is contained.

BUT YOU ALL ADORE ME. DON'T YOU, MY LITTLE FLOCK?

And here we are with an introduction to Frogs, who is Romeo and Juliet’s genius son. Yeah, this is meant to be a plot twist, but on the second rereading it’s clear enough that Frogs is human. Yeah. Casual reminder that in this book where Romeo is Death Eatered and Juliet falls for a nicer Heathcliff, their son is a de facto genius. Because ~drugs, of course.

[Jules POV] Writing what really happened with Romeo and me was all a bit close to the bone, so I changed things around a little. I set it way back in the past, with lots of silly clothes and frilly honor. Then, to top it all off, I wrote it in iambic pentameter. Why? Because when it comes to William Shakespeare, I'm a tragic. Seriously—I'm the ultimate fan. Even as a kid, I couldn't get enough of his plays—the irony of all those timeless themes when time is precisely what broke us. I guess a homage to him seemed only fitting. Not that Shakespeare ever wrote about stuff like teenage love, Montagues versus Capulets, or any of my other real-life dramas. And yet, fool that I am, I mimicked the Bard.

I’m a masochist, apparently.

What you are is bullshit. Even for YA shit, this is too ridiculous to consider. Just the psychological implausibility of a modern 21st century teen girl whatever able to write in 16th century verse about her very modern love affair gives me agita.

[Jules POV] I suppose he's aged—technically, he must have, though sure can't see it. To me, he looks exactly like he did the day that everything went wrong. Fair skin, blond hair, pretty eyes eternally closed—yep, he's your regular sleeping beauty. Except, of course, without the storybook ending.

[studio audience groan] Blond Romeo strikes again. Seriously, what is the appeal??? Hell, even the rationale? Even the first Romeo, Richard Burbage, was not at all blond. Leo DiCaprio has done incalculable damage indeed.

[Jules POV] It sounds ridiculous, but I don't really know if Romeo's seen me naked. We only slept together that one time and it was dark and cold, so there were plenty of blankets. Maybe he didn't see me at all. I wish I knew. In the grand scheme of true love, I know it shouldn't matter and yet I can't help it. Now that there's even a chance he might wake, I'm worried. Right from the start, Romeo bombed me with love—petards of affection, blowing my praise at the moon. He was always comparing me to a summer's day or linking love to beauty. I didn't care back then because I thought I fit the bill, but now? I don't know—I just hope that true love can admit impediments. (62)

Romeo compared Juliet to the sun, not a summer’s day. And that was in his own soliloquy-monologue. To Juliet his metaphors are much more action-oriented. Either way, already it’s plenty obvious this Romeo is a tosser and already I have a dim view of this Jules’ intelligence.

[Jules POV] Looking down, I can't help picturing that scene from my story. The one with Romeo beneath my window, full period costume, gazing up at me with total adoration. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun! Those weren't his exact words, of course. It's what he meant, though, more or less. Basically speaking.

What part of “soliloquy” and “Romeo never directed those words to Juliet, those are his own private thoughts” do these people not understand????

Anyway, soon Ellis comes into the picture and we get a series of tedious comparisons and Not Like Other Girls-ing going on.

[Ellis POV] “The bolt cutters are in there,” she says, dropping her backpack on the ground at my feet.

Now, I might have been born at a time when chivalry was thriving, but I have never liked the women who simply expect it. Besides, Jules seems far from helpless. She handled herself very adequately back there with the lads on bicycles. (68)

Because of course a 19th century boy would 110% accept the assertiveness of a 21st century teen girl with no trouble. No thoughts, head empty.

[Jules POV] Ellis smiles. I scrutinize his face, trying to work out what game he's playing. I don't remember him having stubble before. Huh. I guess I'm too used to staring at Romeo's face, always smooth as a baby. (79)

Because Romeo isn’t manly, get it? He is the embodiment of toxic male entitlement and cis het boorishness, but he is also a wittle twink, get it? Meanwhile Ellis is tough and manly but also respectful and sensitive. What do you mean, this makes no sense?

[Ellis POV] Iggy reminds us. “Pretty much everyone still left here is desperate to jump. How are we going to get our hands on any?”

“I don't know,” I say, “though Beth is right.” I look around at my friends, the Deadenders. This is what we have been training for. This is what we cheated death for. “Somehow, we must save Jules. And wake Romeo. They have to be together. Everything—the whole future—depends on the two of them being together.” (84)

So the plan is to get the Cat-9 drug that can get Romeo out of his coma, and a mysterious note that appears on Jules’ book specifies “by first nightfall.” Which means Ellis and Jules spend about roughly the same amount of time as canon R&J in spending time together and falling in love, most likely even less. I’m sure the book won’t try to make their love for each other the true love and disparage R&J only for it to retcon the whole thing and hastily try to claim Jules didn’t fall in love with Ellis, she only loved him later on, right????

[Jules POV] When I arrived in the crypt that terrible night, I thought Romeo was dead. He looked dead. There was a faint pulse, apparently, but I sure as hell couldn’t find it. So, to my mind: dead. And here's the thing—I couldn't imagine anything more awful. Romeo not breathing? Most. Tragic. Thing. Ever. (101)

So I can’t help but noticing that in this AU Jules pretty much takes the role of Canon Romeo, and even appropriates a lot of his lines, claiming she is the one who came up with them. And of course, it’s Romeo in the coma, not Jules. I’m just saying that had Jules been male and Romeo in the coma had been female, this emotional cheating plot wouldn’t have flown for YA readers.

[Jules POV] I wipe some of the vomit off my hair. Then I keep staring at the puddle of sick on the floor so I don't have to look up again.

“Are you finished?” asks Ellis once the dry heaves have stopped. His tone is gruff, but he's moved to block my view of the Picassoed girl. It means stepping in puke, although he doesn't seem to care. Romeo would care. Romeo would find it all very disgusting. He wore nice shoes—loafers. Maybe the last pair of loafers left in all of creation. They were lovely. He took proper care of them. (101)

Because Romeo “I climbed a high-ass garden wall and killed Tybalt and Paris easily even though they are canonically dedicated duelist/older than me and turned into Cell Games Gohan the moment I heard Juliet was dead” Montague would be all precious about his shoes!!! Why can’t he be as manly as Ellis?????

[Jules POV] The old man starts eating hungrily. Ellis gave his last bit of food to a total stranger, I realize. Romeo never once did a noble deed without wanting praise. Yet Ellis tried to hide it?

Because Romeo “I gave my life for my true love and deeply regretted killing Tybalt and asked his corpse for forgiveness in the middle of my suicide” Montague never did a noble deed without wanting praise!!! This Romeo is basically an OC.

[Jules POV] I was wrong before. There aren’t two versions of Ellis, like some dramatic disconnect—Jules versus Juliet. The boy I met in the Chinese restaurant? The one who told me to trust my heart…and who said that I was smart and brave and beautiful and strong…and who died for me? He's the real one. Ellis can pretend all he wants, but I see him now. And once you've truly seen a person…well, unlike with time, there really is no going back.

So Jules met Future Ellis, who of course is in love with her and is all perfectly lovely to her, and so even though Present Ellis is snappish at her, she suddenly ~knows Future Ellis is the true version of this guy she just met two minutes ago??? Fuck you, book. Really.

[Ellis POV] Jules stares up at a murder of crows that have started to circle. After a moment, she says, “Our parents hated each other. Romeo and me being together...it was forbidden."

Yes, I understand forbidden all too well. A dark-skinned brat, a gypsy imp of Satan—that is what Mr. Brontë called me when he read Emily's journal. When he discovered that his daughter loved a boy who was not white. It was October of 1831, in the kitchen of their home. Mr. Brontë waved the journal around in a terrible rage. Emily stood her ground, refusing to apologize. (106-107)

Here we have Ellis’ backstory. Yes, he was supposedly the real-life inspiration of Brontë’s Byronic male love interest. I don’t know much about the real life of the Brontës, but I’m fairly sure this is all completely invented and Heathcliff is not based on any real-life amours of Brontë—I heavily doubt she even had any.

[Jules POV] We wait, frozen, which I guess is ironic. Because hasn't that been my life before today? Frozen in time, waiting for Romeo to wake? A life officially on hold?

I glance at Ellis; he's biting his lip again. It reminds me of a line from my play—this thing that I wrote about two blushing pilgrims. I was describing Romeo's lips. Thinking about it now, I wonder why I chose such delicate, bashful words. If I had to describe Ellis's lips, I'd—

No, never mind. (129)

The two blushing pilgrims is a religious-style metaphor framing Romeo as a pilgrim to Juliet’s saint. They are definitely not bashful at all, but some of the most blatantly erotic lines in Shakespeare. It’s such an effective come-on that the notion of this vapid airheaded Jules coming up with that metaphor is completely ludicrous.

[Ellis POV] "All of them," he says, quietly. "Every single era of humankind—past, present, future. Every time, the color of my skin has been an issue. Hate has been an issue.” (130)

Ellis had been a time traveller for years and yet he has never even heard of the words “Africa, Middle East, South Asia, Latin America” or “Xenophobia is not the same as racism.” And it shows.

I remember the wedding that I gave to myself, like a gift, in my story: quaint little church, flowers and candles, longing gazes, heartfelt vows, full period costume. Then the image morphs into what really happened: church smelling of piss, pews piled tall, graffiti everywhere. Romeo high as a kite, tongue-in-cheek as he slid the ring onto my finger…

I tell myself that the ring doesn't matter, except that’s a huge lie. The band of gold does matter, though not because of its connection to my husband. Romeo never gave me a ring—he forgot, so we used one of mine. It belonged to my mother. She gave it to me back when I was little and we were close. Before she became nothing more to me than a source of dramatic tension. (131)

Again, Jules’ lack of brain cells regarding her Romeo’s true nature is astounding. This is explained later on as a defense mechanism over Tybalt’s death and losing her baby (so she believed). But since Jules rarely if ever mentions Tybalt and the baby isn’t even so much as hinted at, all this delusion and make-believe rings so false. Jules almost died—to any sensible person this would be enough of a wake-up call.

When I first met her, I thought she was like Romeo—that they were peas in a pod. Well, not that kind of pod. Now I am starting to think it is a case of opposites attract. She is the wild one, and he is the conformist. (135)

When Ellis met Juliet, he didn’t even know Romeo, he literally just met him in a coma. He also had no other info about Romeo other than he would be Juliet’s husband and Frogs’ future father. How the fuck could he have gotten “Ah, yes, soulmate vibes, 10/10” out of Romeo lying there motionless???? Or even “Er, never mind, he is clearly the conformist to Juliet’s ~wildness”???? This novel is killing me. I’m just going to stop here for now before I really lose it.

[mcheang]

Luna Lovegood goes to Dupont

This is a draft about a magical exchange student who is extremely blunt and does not feel awkward about it whatsoever

As part of her NEWT-level muggle studies class assessments, Luna is expected to undergo an exchange student program with a muggle school.

Of course, Luna’s actual background will be a mystery.

Professor Burbage gave her a charmed necklace to confund the muggles so they will ignore how they never really did learn the name of Luna’s school.

At Dupont, Luna was befriended by many of her classmates, except a blond girl who reminds Luna of Draco Malfoy and her redhead friend.

Lila: oh, I have been to Scotland. The minister is so kind to have invited my mother and I regularly for dinner.

Luna replied politely, “That is nice.”

Marinette eyes Luna’s strange jewellery. “Are you a designer?”

Luna’s eyes brightened. “Yes. What do you think?”

Marinette’s inner fashionista could not help but cringe. She managed, “I think they are very unique and original.”

Chloe snorted and said very slowly as if Luna did not speak fluent French. “That’s french for very ugly.”

“Shut up, Chloe!” Marinette flushed. “You don’t have a single fashion gene in your body if you can only steal others’ designs. If your mother, the fashion queen, admired my hat, but you don’t, what does that say about you?”

Chloe reddened herself. “Speaking of my mother, she said you clearly had no future as a designer. You just don’t have the ambition and clarity to see an opportunity when it is right under your nose.”

Alya: oh, so would you rather Marinette accepted your mother’s offer instead of ordering her to spend more time with you?

Chloe: my mother doesn’t take orders!

Caline: girls, please! This is Luna’s first day.

Luna was still smiling in her serene way. “Oh, I’m fine. I know my accessories may not be popular with others, but they are popular for me and that is what counts.”

Marinette felt bad about her first impression and invited Luna to come hang out with her and the girls after school.

Luna accepted.

In Marinette’s room, she offered to loan Luna any sewing materials she might need. Luna graciously thanked her.

Then she spied Adrien’s photoboard and asked, “Do you have a crush on Adrien?”

Marinette freaked out. “What? No, I’m just a fan of his father’s clothes!”

“Oh. I thought you might be. Your stuttering around him indicates you might have a crush on him. And some of these photos only have his face…”

Marinette slumped. “You’re right. Please don’t tell him.”

“Alright,” Luna promised. She then relates the story of Ginny and Harry without mentioning their names.

Marinette: so I should try relaxing around Adrien first?

Luna: it is worth a try.

Marinette: but i keep messing up and babbling when I’m around him.

Luna: because you are focused on your crush. Try distracting yourself with another topic when talking to him.

The next day, people wanted to talk to the new girl. It irritated Lila. She tried to get Luna to become one of her listeners instead.

Except Luna was not really interested in Lila’s bragging. She was more keen to know about the akumas, whom she believed to be a new magical species and wanted to capture one to show her father.

As such, Luna grilled Alya about them.

Knowing Chloe, Luna decided to tail the bully, hoping to capture an akuma before it reached her latest victim.

Except Chloe wanted to torture Luna and it was driving her crazy that Luna seemed so unbothered by stains on her clothes or missing homework.

Marinette exposed Chloe and Caline forced her to apologize.

Luna: i accept your apology.

Everyone was impressed with Luna’s unfazed attitude.

Lila was not and decided to take action.

One thing gathered about Luna was that her dad was the editor of an unpopular magazine and she was fiercely defensive. Lila stole the Quibbler from Luna’s bag and scribbled insults all over it, framing Chloe in the process.

Luna was understandably upset and the class accused Chloe. But Luna did not see the point in pointing fingers and made them drop it.

Another role model like Marinette!

Lila: ugh

One day, the class decided to play a game to compare how Marinette and Luna viewed fashion.

They would see each person and what they liked best about their appearance

Alya

Marinette: waist pouch

Luna: picnic shirt

Nino

Marinette: red cap

Luna: glasses. They reminded her of Harry

Adrien

Marinette: everything

Luna: cat plushie (fortunately Plagg had packed the sock doll)

Lila

Marinette: erm…romper?

Luna: sausage hair

Lila burst into tears. “How dare you?!”

Luna was confused. “Did I say something wrong?”

Lila promptly burst into fake tears, outraged. “How dare you!”

The class remembered Luna’s unique fashion sense. and now that they looked closer at Lila, her hair did remind them of the processed meat.

Word spread of this. And now wherever Lila went, she heard whispers and jealous cackling about “sausage hair”

It was enough to wound her pride and call for an akuma.

Except Luna soon decided that perhaps sensitive Lila will be better to follow. Seeing the akuma, she captured it with the bubble charm and promptly summoned it to her jar.

She can’t wait to show her father.

Meanwhile Hawkmoth is upset because he can’t find his akuma nor can he akumatize someone else.

He gets Duusu to make a tracking sentimonster. It was promptly captured by the animal lover too. The department of magical creatures will want to see this!

No matter how many sentimonsters Gabriel sends, Luna easily captures them.

He gives up on recovering his akuma and just sends sentimonsters now to fight Ladybug and Chat Noir.

[eisforeidolon]

You're so right, re: the sheer idiocy and arrogance of certain stans in different fandom factions claiming to be better or superior to others.

Just a few hours ago I saw an ask by a Jared stan complaining about Jensen wearing skinny jeans/pants (which is absurd to begin with, but I digress... apparently these people have nothing else going on in their lifes). They then went on to say, and I quote, "Is he really that full of himself that he doesn't notice that those pants bring out his fat thighs and bowlegs?"

So even Jensen's choice in pants is apparently an indicator now of how "full of himself he is", since he doesn't even notice his (non-existent) "fat thighs" and should be hiding his bow legs. Riiight. Sure, Jan.

I'm not even going to touch on the bodyshaming or the "mean girl developmentally stuck in middle school" vibes of it all (or the mind-boggling factual wrongness, considering the man has and always had pretty skinny legs).

And who liked/reblogged/commented on this without taking any issue whatsoever with what was said?

The usual people who like to claim that what they post isn't hate, "just criticism", and anyone who disagrees with them lacks critical thinking skills and just can't compete with their superior intellect (this one's particularly hilarious to me, as I've seen more intelligent and coherent takes even from hellers than 95% of what these people's blogs consist of... and also, if you constantly feel the need to keep saying how much smarter you are than everybody else... then it's probably not true :))

Also saw quite a few of Jared stans wanting to enact revenge on the verified journalist who called Jared homophobic on twitter based on what he said at Denver con. The words "get her fired" were uttered (though they've now been removed by the person who said that), among with encouraging people to write to her employer. While I in no way think Jared is homophobic and also think the "journalist" is an idiot to base her entire opinion on Jared on this one admittedly slightly messy word salad moment, this is still utterly vile and unacceptable. Lots of people are idiots who base their opinions on snippets they hear without doing any further research (even journalists, clearly) and that won't change any time soon. People still call Jensen homophobic for the anti Destiel things he said for the same reasons. That still does not make it okay in any way to try to get people fired, to doxx them or anything else along these lines.

But sure, you're so much better than other nasty assholes in the fandom. You can miss me with that bullshit, I'll believe it the day Misha suddenly turns into a decent person or confirms his super secret marriage to Jensen (aka never).

It really does baffle me how they can't see that yes, it is actually the same dumb shit when they do it, too. When it's Jared, every negative comment, no matter how petty, is hurtful and fair game to be mocked. When it's Jensen, it's just CRAZY anybody might care unless it's literally slander and death threats. Only their butthurt matters for reasons - which is what all the stan groups tell themselves to justify their own bad behavior. *I* am entitled to be an ass because people are SO MEEN to Jared/Jensen/Misha, *they* are just awful! It literally doesn't matter that Jared legit gets the worst shit, that doesn't actually oblige the rest of the fandom to just sit quietly while they act as dickishly as they decide they're entitled to on any given day. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Whining that they think Jensen's pants look bad because they emphasize a feature most of his fans actually like? Seriously? Just ... I really do not understand how people don't get that they're the joke if they post something that embarrassingly stupid. Like, you can see it when someone prattles on about how Jared totally sits in chairs wrong, but ... *whoosh*. I mean, I've seen some pretty dumb shit from hellers over the years so I still see a win in The Dumbest Stans Olympics as pretty far out of reach. However, I definitely agree that people who make a point of constantly telling you how intelligent or nice they are? Red flags a wavin'. I have seen my fair share of bragging from people who only really look all that intelligent, logical, and discerning if you're comparing them to Goob. And if that's your standard, you might as well just glue googly eyes on a rock and praise its intelligence because it can't make a fool of itself on a consistent basis.

As to the idiot journalist, I don't think we agree on that one beyond the fact that actual doxxing is never okay. In this case, the person’s professional name and  a publication are visible directly on the twitter where those posts of libelous nonsense over a fictional ship are being put. This “journalist” doesn't even know enough about the subject to know which actor is meant, let alone to understand that tweeted garbage is dead wrong regardless. For a journalist, that level of not giving a single solitary fuck about facts? Is grossly incompetent and calls the ability to do a job in that field into question. Sure it's just a tweet, but it does beg the question of what else the “journalist” isn't bothering to do the work on while happily slapping a professional name and reputation on anyway. So no, I don't feel sorry about the twitter getting spammed by angry stans calling that stupidity out. I don't even think it's out of line for them to contact the employer the “journalist” personally chose to link, pointing out that they’re being publicly associated with unprofessional, incompetent, libelistic conduct. If they were digging up employers that weren’t intentionally directly tied to the twitter where the tweet was made, that would be different.

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[miraculouscontent]

*long, deep, exhausted sigh*

So, I just wanna talk real quick about this whole “Adrienette” business in the special. Humor me for a bit.

On a narrative level, the show has designed Marinette and Adrien as endgame. They’re the ones at the forefront, they’re the ones crushing on one side of each other, and they’re the superheroes who protect Paris.

And yet, here I am, having just watched the special, feeling no desire whatsoever for them to be together. This isn’t even about their chemistry for once, no, this about how the show cannot let Marinette make decisions involving their relationship in any way without screwing her over.

She tries to give Adrien gifts? Either someone steals it, a ladybug conveniently flies in to distract her from signing it, or the way she gives it almost leads to the world ending.

She tries to move on because Adrien has openly stated that he’s interested in someone else? Her friends stand up and start loudly arguing about it.

She tries to roleplay - as per Tikki’s advice - in front of an Adrien statue to work up a confession? Oops! The statue was actually Adrien and she just humiliated herself!

She tries to give him up again when Adrien reiterates that he loves another girl? Tikki gives some vague platitude about surprises and the future, which apparently convinces Marinette not to take down her Adrien photos.

She tries a scheme to talk to Adrien? She fails. She tries to just talk to him normally? She fails more.

And now, past three seasons and one special, I’m not even surprised anymore. Any expectation of things going well for Marinette can basically be thrown out the window unless it’s for the sake of shipping fuel and nothing else.

We’re here, post-”Miracle Queen,” and Marinette continues to be a mess around Adrien. She’s still stammering, still freaking out when he touches her, and still getting stuck in situations with him that force her and him together.

People wonder why Marinette still hasn’t changed? They wonder why she can’t move on? I know why.

It’s because she isn’t allowed to, not just because of the narrative/universe/whatever, but because of her surroundings.

I just wanna make it clear that, by “Miracle Queen,” Kagami and Adrien are as close to dating as they’ve ever been, with Kagami kissing Adrien just above the lips in the special, so they’re either actually dating or on such intimate terms that they might as well be.

Marinette has every reason to both want to and try to move on. At this point, her crush can only hurt her. What the special verbalizes as “denial,” I see as Marinette doing whatever she can to only be a friend to Adrien because the girl he loves is not her.

Heck, even if it’s truly a matter of her being in denial, that’s not what the special goes for, because Marinette tells Alya outright, near the beginning, that she needs help seeing Adrien as “just a friend.” Alya vents to Nino about how she wants Marinette to just “be honest with her feelings,” but Marinette is and practically told Alya as much.

Marinette relates dancing with Adrien as “friendly,” along with anything else Alya tries to tease her about. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe it’s because she’s been through it before and has seen signs where there apparently weren’t any. Adrien asked her to dance in “Despair Bear” (at Chloe’s party, which the special incorrectly calls Chloe’s birthday party) but a few episodes pass and Adrien is suddenly asking her for romantic advice to get him with another girl.

Marinette freaks out because every time she tries to be normal, someone mocks her, or Adrien makes a motion to get way too close, and at this point, she has no idea when the next “scheme” will be to force her together with him. Marinette’s anxiety and stuttering are where they are because of how much she’s been through; all the embarrassment and failure that led to no good results, which means that any success at all with Adrien gives her that emotional high (thinly disguised as “love”) for him. I don’t have to wonder why she acts the way she does because I’m seeing it.

When she tries even harder to get to Adrien in Season 3, it’s specifically because of how bad she failed before. It’s, “well, none of these other crazy things I’ve done have worked, so that must mean I have to try even harder!”

Because being in Adrien’s class and being called a “friend” by him is getting her nowhere. He doesn’t spend time with her, he doesn’t know her (at least not enough to know that startling her with a prank won’t help her like him more), and the only forces putting them together are outside ones.

Marinette wants to be friends with Adrien here - she wouldn’t be insisting that everything was friendly between them if she didn’t - but basically no one will let her. Marinette even gave a list of Adrien-related things that she stopped doing nowadays, and what happens?

Alix tries to nail her over something else that she still does, because apparently progress doesn’t matter, and the “joke” that the special keeps trying to hammer home is that Marinette is a wreck who’s still very much into Adrien even though she's trying not to be.

Then, there’s Alya, and I have not been this annoyed with her in a LONG time.

The worst thing to do to someone trying to get over something is to keep bringing it up to them, and Alya was relentless in this special. From start to finish, Alya was doing whatever she could to remind Marinette that her crush is still very much there and it’s agony. Alya is constantly groaning and making faces whenever Marinette denies that there’s anything special about what she did with Adrien, to the point where she pulls a “The Puppeteer 2″ and tries to force them together herself.

And the mocking does not end. I counted at least three instances of Alya using “friend” sarcastically to describe how Marinette felt towards Adrien, and that’s only counting the ones where she used actual airquotes.

At one point during the beginning, Marinette goes to Alya to talk about how she can’t sit next to Adrien. Alya proceeds to say that “there’s still time to get off the plane” and goes on about how “romantic” New York will be. Marinette freaks out at the mental images that enter her head and screams that she “has to get out of here” (not “I need to be moved,” but a clear indication of get me off this plane I DO NOT want this) but when Ms. Mendeleiev asks what’s wrong, Alya doesn’t ask for Marinette to be taken off the plane (which hasn’t taken off yet) and just asks her to be moved elsewhere.

It’s outright uncomfortable how much Alya keeps pressing the issue of Marinette feeling “more than friendly” feelings to Adrien. When Adrien is leaving New York to go back with his father, Alya yells at Marinette and makes it about Marinette’s crush, as if Marinette can’t want Adrien to stay unless she has a crush on him.

The special makes Marinette’s situation all about “do you have a crush on him or not” and it’s awful. It hammers away at Marinette, repeatedly, then continues the typical Treatment of Marinette “humor” by having her walk by all the couples (DJWifi, Myvan, and Julerose) in the beginning of the special while she’s on her way to the bathroom of the plane, then jostles the plane at just the right time for her to be soaked and get toilet paper in her hair.

This special never should have been about Marinette trying to confess to Adrien (and, y’know, forcing her too). That’s not important here. What was important to teach Marinette was, “You have a crush, and that’s okay even if he likes someone else as long as you’re working on it and know what you want to do about it.”

Marinette’s agency is completely stripped away for this entire special because everything is a matter of convenience or by force of the plot. Even by the matter of Chat Noir not being in Paris, it’s technically Marinette’s fault because she tried to convince Adrien’s dad to let Adrien go (the scene of her deciding to do this, by the way, also comes off as if she’s not allowed to want this for him and be just his friend). The show doesn’t acknowledge it because it can’t, but the implications are there.

When Marinette suffers, it’s most likely because of Adrien, whether it’s his fault or just the stars aligning to form a middle finger at her. No matter what she tries to do, fate will work against her.

But here’s the special, insisting that they’re “made for each other,” pointing it out more than once, verbally, by one of the characters.

Here’s the tea, honey: if Marinette and Adrien were really made for each other, then I wouldn’t have to be told that they are.

The more that I’m told, the less I actually believe it, and this special comes nowhere close to making me believe it.

Instead of showing me that they should be together, all this special does is find any contrived situation it can to force them to interact, without realizing that all it’s doing is proving that they shouldn’t be together specifically because the interaction needs to be forced. If Adrienette was a ship I wanted to consider worthy of being endgame, the special wouldn’t need to shove them together needlessly.

It wouldn’t need to have their airplane seats happen to be right next to each other.

It wouldn’t need them to happen to wake up before everyone else to watch the clouds.

It wouldn’t need the two sets of automatic doors to stop working to trap them in the area in-between, twice.

It wouldn’t need them to happen to stumble into the same room together so someone can comment on how they’re, again, “made for each other.”

It wouldn’t need the magic hot dog they eat to be the one that happens to send them up in the air so they can dance together.

And it especially wouldn’t need the contrived moments of Marinette accidentally forcing her seat back so Adrien falls on top of her, or the plane jostling at just the right time to force her against him, or her and Adrien touching hands (ala “Gamer”) before she looks away in embarrassment.

Heck, I don’t even like Adrien, but with how his and Kagami’s relationship seems to be going, I’m disgusted for him too when Nino is going full-force on trying to get Adrien to notice Marinette. Adrien has no idea that any of this is going on and is just being strung along with all of it, whereas Marinette is stuck along for the ride whether she likes it or not.

People can have whatever opinion of Lukanette they want, but one person who didn’t make things worse for her was Luka himself. He shows up briefly in the opening, giving her a ride on his bike to catch up with the bus that’s taking the class to the airport. When Marinette worries that they won’t make it, Luka insists that they will because he knows how important the trip is for her. Marinette asks if he’s referring to Adrien and nervously tries to insists that she and Adrien are just friends and that’s all she sees Adrien as.

But Luka doesn’t mock her, nor laugh at her for it, because he doesn’t have to and he gets it. Unlike people who constantly try to force Marinette’s hand, Luka lets her figure things out on her own.

And when they finally come to a stop next to the bus, he doesn’t put any emphasis on Adrien. All he tells Marinette is that the importance of the trip is for her to get some clarity.

That is the closest thing to what I wanted (and just emphasizes how much I adore Luka and how refreshing his interactions with Marinette are), but it’s the farthest thing from what she actually gets.

How am I supposed to believe that Marinette and Adrien have a genuine relationship deserving of endgame when her feelings are constantly being forced in one direction? How am I supposed to believe anything about them when it’s not natural? How am I supposed to believe that this is the couple that’s “made for each other” when the show is so desperate to make me believe it that they’ll say it outright?

Because, obviously, I don’t believe any of that, and all this special has done is make my disdain for the love square even stronger.

That’s a failing grade if I’ve ever seen one. What a waste.

[piratewithvigor]

I Have To Bake A Cake?

A small fic based on the above gif and the following recipe.

Assorted delishiousness and panic below

Kane couldn’t deny he was a little nervous. His experience with food had been sorely limited in the past. Hell, he still sometimes found himself eating like there were rats lurking in the shadows to steal what was his. But this wasn’t a case like that.

This was a cake. As ordered by Vince himself. Or at least through a couple dozen people who couldn’t give him a lot more details than the fact that he was supposed to bake a cake for Monday.

Okay, a cake. How hard could it be?

According to the recipes he dug up, very hard.

He was starting to get overwhelmed just by looking over the plethora of options. Every flavour under the sun, and that was just the cake itself. When combined with frostings and fillings and decorations, there were probably more kinds of cake than he’d had tiny pointless arguments with Daniel.

And that didn’t even change the fact that he hadn’t been told what the cake was for. All these recipes online seemed to indicate specific cakes for specific occasions, but what about when he had no occasion? No hints of any kind? What then, Pinterest mommy bloggers??

Even when he did find a recipe that seemed like it would work, it wasn’t like he had the ingredients for it. He and Daniel had made compromises when they moved in together. Kane could eat all the meat he wanted so he could get enough protein in his diet without having to resort to powders that made him gag, but in exchange, he’d put up with Daniel’s vegan substitutes for pretty much anything else. No animal milk and no eggs.

Which seemed to be the two staples for pretty much every recipe.

He was half tempted to just give up, retire and run away to parts unknown to escape the hellish task when a recipe offered itself. A plain chocolate cake. Nothing fancy about it whatsoever. Except for the fact that it offered substitutions. No animal based ingredients of any kind. And even shit he had. If he wasn’t so loyal to Daniel, Kane felt like he could have kissed the mommy blogger in question.

With Kane’s penchant for burning things, he usually left the more delicate cooking to Daniel. Baking was especially out of his wheelhouse, but he wasn’t one to let down whoever needed this cake. Nor whoever was supposed to eat it. It would just take a little remembering where Daniel kept everything in the kitchen and a little learning on the fly. No problem at all.

Step one was to preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Kane liked this recipe already. The little extra heat in the kitchen set him at ease. It was like a nice hug.

The stand mixer, on the other hand, was like a chihuahua on cocaine. It was loud, it was fast, and it made every ingredient he added to the bowl explode in a tiny cloud. Explosions were for the ring; not for a tiny machine that Julia fucking Child could use.

3 cups flour? Poof. 3 cups sugar? Poof. 1 ½ cups cocoa powder? 1 ½ teaspoons of baking powder and salt? 1 tablespoon baking soda? Poof, poof and a relatively underwhelming lesser poof (he later read the recipe more closely and noted that it said a ‘low speed’. Go figure.)

The 1 ½ cups of warm water (warmed literally by hand), ½ cup vegetable oil and 2 teaspoons of vanilla were much less exciting. It was starting to look more like cake batter and less like a slightly murky pile of powder, which set Kane a little more at ease.

But then came the chemistry.

Kane liked chemistry, usually. Liked reading about how different chemicals went together and caused what. The only difference was that he was usually in the wheelhouse of combustions. Making things explode. Making dairy-free buttermilk was not a combustion. And if it was, it wasn’t supposed to be.

He had the choice of 1 ½ cups of almond or soy milk as a substitution to be combined with 2 far-too-delicately added tablespoons of vinegar. The funk coming from the measuring cup within the next few minutes was… interesting to say the least. Not quite “Daniel’s casserole that was basically all sprouts” or “the time Taker wouldn’t say what he had barbecued” funky, but not something pleasant. How it wasn’t going to ruin the cake, Kane wasn’t sure, but the picture in the recipe looked delicious, so he’d have to trust the crazy mommy blogger for the time being.

The egg substitute made a little more sense. Eggs were gooey and yellow and so was the cup of applesauce he added. Plus it smelled a lot better than the buttermilk.

The second beating was a lot less exciting. No added mess onto himself and almost none onto the counter. Once the batter was smooth, all that was left was somehow getting it all into the pans he’d dug out of the cabinet.

Somehow, the sticky, gooey batter was going to have to make the seamless transition between stand mixer (fuck that thing) and pans that would move just out of the incoming dollop of batter like there was some kind of spirit just hanging around to fuck with him. He wouldn’t put it past the spirit. Wasn’t much to do in the afterlife besides fuck with the living.

A quick lighting of the incense stick Taker had given him seemed to do the trick. Or maybe it calmed his nerves and he stopped jostling the pan. Whatever the case, he made the successful transition from bowl to the three 9” pans and only lost a little batter in the process. They might end up a little wonky, but he planned to fix it with some of the vegan frosting Daniel kept in the back of the fridge where he thought Kane wouldn’t know about it (the man would buy and eat frosting for no reason other than to eat it and pretend immediately after that he’d never eaten frosting in his life, regardless of how much was still in his beard).

35 minutes later, the toothpick he stuck into the middle of each pan was coming out completely clean. Hardly even any crumbs.

He was pulling out the pans as he heard the front door open and Daniel walk in.

“Kane, you here?”

“In the kitchen,” he called back, kicking the oven door shut.

“Kitchen? Isn’t it a little early for dinn- what the fuck are you doing?” Daniel asked, blinking a few times as he paused in the doorway.

“Cake?” He’d been feeling certain about it thus far, but hearing Daniel’s confusion led him to wonder if the cake was supposed to be common knowledge.

“What’s the occasion for cake?”

“Dunno. Vince told me to bake it.”

“A cake?”

“Well… yeah, obviously a cake.”

“He told you to bake a cake?”

“He told John, who told Sheamus, who told Kofi, who told Big Show, who told-”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that, but what were the actual words?”

“‘On Monday, bake a cake.’”

“This Monday?”

“I think so.”

Daniel took a pause and inhaled deeply. “This Monday, when Raw begins at eight? As in, 8pm?”

It was Kane’s turn to pause and look towards his lover with a furrowed brow. “Are you telling me I spent the afternoon baking a cake that wasn’t actually needed?”

“Looking like it.”

Kane wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or drop kick the cakes. He settled for a scream into one of the throw pillows they kept on the kitchen chairs. One so eerie and heartbreaking that Daniel wasn’t sure if he should even touch Kane or what exactly was going to happen after he lifted his face from the pillow. Whatever he was waiting for, it certainly wasn’t laughter. Or a grin from underneath his mask with his eyes dancing.

“Break out the frosting, Danny boy, we’re eating good tonight.”

[ufonaut]

I don’t want to sound aggressive but maybe people are not liking the human target because although it’s playing with tropes, it’s playing them with the wrong characters?

the crazy thing is that's not the case at all. it's not playing them with the wrong characters, that is.

look, i'll break down some of the most common complaints i've seen:

1) "ted kord is inexplicably an alcoholic"

purely untrue. ted is visibly weirded out by christopher asking for a drink first thing in the morning, christopher also purposely gets him wasted in a hotel bar to try & get a succinct answer out of him after a day spent going around in circles.

2) "ted kord's design is ugly"

this has no bearing on the story. you may have idealized versions of your favourite characters in your mind but the fact of the matter is that ted's design without his cowl is so completely nondescript across time & space that nearly anything could be done with it and looking like the average straight white businessman isn't a bad call regardless of anyone's insistence on every character looking conventionally attractive

3) "there's no explanation for the way ted & booster's relationship is written"/"they're written as two dimensional characters"

there's no indication whatsoever that booster & ted aren't completely okay: telling a friend 'no' isn't a death sentence, neither is ted wanting booster to succeed on his own terms. the discussion of ted's refusal to use lethal force, reminiscing with tora, a degree of reality to his friendship with booster that goes beyond 'guys who get into shenanigans together' -- none of this makes for two dimensional storytelling.

but even if, and that's a big if, their friendship was on the rocks there's no reason whatsoever for the reason to be revealed to us. christopher chance is the narrator of a non-canonical, black label series. christopher chance is also a complete stranger intruding on the lives of other strangers & a history that is not his own. throughout any investigation a detective learns bits and pieces of the suspects' lives that he has no reason to follow up on. this is christopher's story and a revolving door of supporting characters, nothing else.

4) "tora is being sexualized"

tora's wardrobe looks stylishly straight out of the 1950s and her superhero outfit is the same as the one in justice league international. there are no lingering shots on her body. her proportions are not exaggerated. this is not the male gaze at work.

what is being perceived as her being sexualized is, in fact, tora having a sexuality to begin with. she's an adult woman flirting with an adult man, this is a normal interaction between two consenting parties.

i've legitimately seen someone say that tora is a "sweet character" who would never be capable of setting up or misleading anyone because her "naivety" and "kindness" are at the core of her character. while not untrue, the way that particular post puts it makes it sound like she's too immature and too stupid to plan out something this immense. and heres the deal for everyone with any amount of reading comprehension: that's precisely what christopher observes in the human target #4, too.

throughout every interaction with some of her closest friends, tora downplays her immense power, her personality & her agency precisely because she seems to be aware that she will never outgrow the image of the sweet immature ingenue the world at large has of her. as far as i'm concerned, this is a fascinating take on a character's grown & development -- tora's kindness is still at the heart of her but she's grown up, as they all have. if her attraction to christopher is genuine then it's surely because he's the sole character to see her as a Real Woman

let me be clear, a femme fatale in 1940s film noir is an inherently deviant expression of female sexuality and these are the rules we're playing by here. she's offered a degree of independence other women are not, she's in control of her sexuality & how its expressed and therein lies the danger. for tora to have fallen into this role while still maintaining everything that's resolutely her (she's not a scantily clad seductress, no matter what posts claiming putting her in sexual situations is 'disgusting' might lead you to believe) is a fantastic character arc, she's taken control of her own life/narrative.

vitally, tora is also not in a remotely submissive position in her sexual dynamic with christopher. she acts rather than reacts.

there's a pretty huge disconnect between 'sexualised' and 'has a sexuality'.

[nightswithkookmin]

Hii, me again. 😅

Jungkook made a three syllable poem with "min yoongi" name. At the last name of "Gi" He made yoonmin. Is he try to expose that yoonmin is a thing/ or real??

Ahjumma.... why are you being like this?

What did I do to deserve this ghettory?😟 It's too early in the year to be this ghetto uno.

Don't be like that😒

You are asking me, Goldy- GOLDY of all shippers, if I think JEON JUNGKOOK is confirming his boyfriend of seven years and counting is in a relationship with another member within the same group...

Doing what exactly in that relationship??

Is JK cockholding? What's going on.

KWENCHANAYO?!

You think BTS will survive two members dating the same guy in the same group???

Never mind that it's Jeon Jungkook and Park freaking Jimin- Mr I'm greedy and Mr I don't share my friends.

Like make it make sense to me please😭

After everything we've been said on my blogs for months now, you still asking me this??

You are bold, I'll give you that.

Now tell me slowly and in coherent words why I shouldn't pull your hair and give you three quick punches to your throat- ninja style👀

Someone get her before I snap their neck💀

For the last time-

NEITHER 🤺OF🤺JIKOOK🤺 IS 🤺 WAS🤺 HAS🤺 HAD🤺 PURPORTS TO HAVE🤺 WOULD HAVE HAD🤺 COULD HAD HAD🤺 HAD HAD HAD🤺IS HAVING 🤺 ANY 🤺ROMANTIC🤺 FEELINGS🤺WHATSOEVER 🤺 DESIRE🤺CRAVING🤺 WET DREAMS🤺 YEARNING🤺 PASSION🤺ATTRACTION🤺 AMOROUS 🤺INTENT🤺TOWARDS🤺 ANY🤺🤺MEMBER🤺 IN🤺 BTS🤺BESIDES🤺 EACH🤺 OTHER🤺

GET🤺 OUT 🤺OF🤺 YOUR🤺 IMAGINATION🤺

If you are new to the shipping community I suggest you familiarize yourself with every ships dynamics or at least Jikooks- if multishipping isn't exactly your thing.

Jikook's entire dynamics is founded on JK teasing JM to death. It's their thing.

He's said he enjoys teasing Jimin because he loves Jimin's reaction to when he's being teased. In fact, the entire group have said same about Jimin.

Did you see JM's reaction to when JK called out the Yoonmin comment in the dynamite reaction VLive?

Did you see RMs reaction too?

He is trying Jimin with these Yoonmin jokes. He's gonna get stabbed. Lmho.

Jimin reacts strongly to when JK in particular teases him with ships, Yoonmin more recently. Yet he didn't seem to mind when V did it.

V used to be the biggest Yoonminer on the planet rooting for and encouraging certain interactions between Yoonmin. Lmho.

Jimin himself perpetuates Yoonmin as a ship.

It would be an insult on his intelligence for anyone to assume he didn't know exactly why people ship two people together or what interactions and moments is considered a moment in shipping sphere.

Statements like, why can't Suga hyung look me in the eye, why does he say I'm irreplaceable to him, insinuates something and he knows this.

Once upon a time, JK couldn't look you in the eyes too. Still can't sometimes.

Jimin has a presence and he has a hold on these men and he knows it.

He goes out of his way to create the impression he and Suga have a very close bond and dynamic- I'm sold on it. Lol.

'5 Jms? As expected. You'll fall in love with them' not sure if JM said the last bit in the BE.TS Vlive, yall check for me.

It's crazy then that he turns around to react the way he does when JK teases him with his ship with Suga.

It seems to me, Jimin knows the intent and energy behind such seemingly harmless jokes- JK can be petty and passive aggressive with these things. You'd think he is joking but deep down he would be pouting and throwing tantrums behind cams🤧

It's Jimin apologizing and looking like his spirit left his body as he sat on the edge of JK's bed in the new Jersey VLive for me.

He needs to free Jimin.

Talk of things I'm getting too old for- Let's talk about why he posted his version of the bridge in disease online🤧

Not to say he shouldn't have posted it. I support that he did wholeheartedly. Deadass found his groove since he started unbuttoning the front of his shirts in 2020.

He's reclaiming the spotlight, putting himself at the forefront unlike before where he'd resigned himself to a supportive role watching his hyungs be at the center of things.

Now he's been talking about that he wants have sexy dance performances like Jimin, write rap melodies for RM, share his own music, try on a solo career one day- we get it. You found yourself Mr I'm independent asserting myself yall better fuxk off but chilee not at the expense of Jimin! 🤺

I mean it's a broad spotlight and they both can share it but damn is someone changing drastically. Not sure if I should be proud or terrified.

It's great and amazing and I'm really truly happy with where he's at mentally and physically since 2020- it's a great sign, don't get me wrong. Significant improvement. His becoming is long over due but he didn't have to grab the spotlight from Jimin like that.

Jk vs JM isn't something I'm a fan of.

It's a shame it didn't work out? What do you mean JK. I'm sorry but Jimin's version is amazing too!😟

What the actual hell JK😭

Back it up. This is not how to Jikook🤺

On guard sir🤺 on guard🤺

Dude did Jimin dirty🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

I need a refund😭😭😭😭

Here I was waiting for y'all to get on your Jikook agenda and post that first Jikook selca of the year and you are there shipping Jimin with your bandmate and thiefing his shine. Who taught you that?!😥

Y'all are competitive but y'all don't compete with eachother's shine! JIKOOK 101😭😭😭

You share it😥

Show me where in the books this new development falls under. Show me

You winging it and it's unconstitutional😟

I rebuke it in Jesus name!

Someone beam me up.

You got these 13 year olds coming in my DMs telling me you are not supportive of your man's career.

I don't have time for this shit.

SOMEONE BEAM ME UP! Kirk!

If you've watched their Be behind video, and you've seen Jin talk about how RM complained to him when Tae chose Suga's version over his version you'd know where JK is coming from or where I think he is coming from having JMs version chosen over his.

Watch their Be self interview on yt too.

He said there's a melody he worked on for RM and when Jhope thought he got snubbed he recommended he release it instead- to quench his artistic drive perhaps.

That is why he released this song. He did it for himself. Like he said, he won't put out a song unless he was confident about it.

Suga have said time and again how the music and melodies they create never go to waste because they can repurpose it like he did with Telepathy I think.

Even JK explained he was reserving the melody he made for RM for a future group song.

He could have repurposed this or something.

When Jin talked about V vs JM's Christmas song and kept repeating how much he preferred Jimin's song to Tae's because Jimin"s was bright and upbeat, he made sure to clarify he wasn't implying Tae's song was bad. He was just indicating preference.

I won't lie, I was happy he preferred my bias's song but it made my VMin heart ache a little.

V and JM made very different songs, they shouldn't be compared to eachother in that way.

I don't like competitions. And I don't like when two artists are pit against eachother- which is exactly what these two versions of the bridge is doing out here.

I will literally die if in an interview JM is asked about his part and JK isn't. I can't do this😭

Those saying JM's is better make me sick, and those saying JK's is better make me nauseous. They both great. Point blank purr.

What's even more heartbreaking is hearing how excited he really was to share that bit with Army. Dude's eyes was glistening and everything. His bunny smile! 😥

Thats what makes this very hard for me.

The JJK in me is overjoyed and excited that he is doing things that make him really happy. I'm proud of him.

But the PJM in me just😕

I even feel more guilty that I prefer JM's version this time around😭😭😭😭

I feel like I'm betraying JK🤧

I was so happy seeing JM recieve all the love and attention I know he deserves.

Then here comes his boyfriend

'Hold up what about me!' Lol.

Imagine if RM releases the version of Blue and grey he made for Tae and it turns out we prefer that to the version Tae chose💀

Imagine that.

This has been a recurring theme throughout late 2020 to date. Jk's been choosing authenticity and self interests and passions over anything else and I couldn't be more happy for him.

Like we discussed, he's been learning to compromise too lately, which is great.

But honey this is a red flag. Deadass.

To me anyways😏

I've been a strong advocate for a certain level of independence and detachment in Jikook's dynamics because they lowkey exhibited codependency tendencies in their dynamics which is great for us shippers but not so great in the long run for their relationship or them as individuals .

Maybe I'm thinking out loud and prematurely here. I mean we are only beginning to have intimate access to their raw unscripted selves.

I don't think it's not that much of a big deal. RM and JM have equally shared their own versions of fake love on the internet but it is an interesting development in their dynamic to me.

I remember how happy JM was about his version of fake love, and it remains to date one of my favorite beats even though he was just spewing nonsense on that track. Lol.

He was so excited when he shared it with JK and Jin. He said when he showed it to JK the first time, JK said he loved it very much- how loving and supportive is that!

More of this please. Thank you.

PMS is a bitch y'all🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Has me in my feels about this.

I'm pretty sure JM is the one that even encouraged him to share his part in the first place. Won't put it past him.

'Ya Jungkook, release your version too'

'Army will love it'

'Right but I don't want it to seem like- Goldy is crazy you know'

'Goldy who now?'

'What about the thirteen year old fans-'

'Aht aht aht Who cares about them.'

Lmho.

I mentioned a few times on here how I felt JM seemed to have been demanding 'space' and a little bit of breathing room in their dynamic which was causing a little bit of tension here and there middle 2019 through to March last year and it all sounds like drama and speculation but...

May be if I told y'all I am a witch and my analysis of their relationship is based on mediums, phantom whisperers, empathetic readings or tarot cards y'all will leave me alone?🤥

Y'all don't seem to have a problem with the witches and empaths who be doing the same shit I do out here😒

Like we are all 'reading' these mens!

There's nothing wrong with 'psychoanalytically' evaluating a ship you know? Chilee.

Imma call myself a witch if it will get y'all off my back😹😹😹😹

I mentioned JK equally embarking on his own journey to assert himself within the group and within the relationship due to this?

But damn I did not see this one coming.

This is a red flag for me. And no, it doesn't mean they are broken up or having issues in their relationship.

Jk's TMI indicates they still been spending a lot of time together.

This is just a sign there's too much independence in their dynamic now- if you know what I mean.

Relationships flourish based on how attached we are to people- too much attachment is a problem, too little attachment is equally bad.

Jikook have always had a problem with over attachment in their dynamics in my opinion, to the point it was lowkey unhealthy- the jealousy, not being able to 'act professionally' within a group and work environment, having problems with being separated however briefly, constantly wanting to be where the other is etc.

Less attachment isnt necessarily a bad thing either. It means less of all the 'toxic' aspects of their relationship that over attachment brings but too much of that too can trigger anxiousness and insecurity and resentment.

Especially if one of them hates change. Cough Jimin.

With that comes all the wild aspects of love such as possessiveness, jealousy and I know JM doesn't do too well in that department...

In my opinion, I see JM as having a problem when JK breathes down his neck emotionally speaking, and at the same time he has a problem when he is too emotionally distant.

All this is interesting to me.

Who do I need to talk to to give me more of Jikook interactions individually or jointly?

I want to see more of their interactions beyond the overly staged, dramatized fanservice and official content.

Spending a lot of time around eachother and eating each other's ramen- pun intended, does not reflect on how intimate you are.

Intimacy requires depth and depth requires attachment.

How you treat eachother's needs and goals, dreams and desires is equally indicative of the intimacy in your relationship.

That has always been one distinctive quality of Jikook's ship.

And so I wonder the thought process that went into this decision. I know JM wouldn't object to JK sharing things like these or doing things that make him happy even if it has the potential to impact his own shine in any way.

Jikook don't compete against eachother.

I keep saying this.

Remember when I said I found it sus that JK was lying there staring at JM with his hands in between his legs?

Did yall see what the run editors said when JM and JK went up against each in the pool?

'Jikook don't play by the rules'

Jimin had to push JK in the water to end whatever ancient sex ritual foreplay rooted in kamasutra they had going on. Bless him.

And in so doing, he lost to JK.

Whenever they go up against eachother, one of them intentionally lose even though they are both very competitive.

Isn't that why JK said he'd rather 5 Jms so he can watch them compete against eachother?

When JK first made that post, I felt it was out of pettiness or a move to 'humble' JM.

I thought of when he'd posted that photo of himself with a hickey after JM had 'dated' him during the JinMinKook live.

I rolled my eyes and asked, 'what yall gays up to this time?' Why you out here humbling your man?

Anywho chilee we will never know.

At ease.

Signed,

GOLDY

[charming-2d-boys]

something sweet with the reader acting like an older sister to gon and killua! like they're a hunter too and meet them at heaven's arena, maybe treat the boys to food~ just something sweet and supportive<3 (if you can only do one character then just killua) thank you °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

This is such a cute request, anon! 😍

Thank you and enjoy it!

A/N: pretty long, but I hope it’s cute enough and makes up for it

Here is part two, by the way!

Like a family - Older Sister-like!Reader x Gon & Killua

   The first time you met Gon and Killua, you had just refused Tonpa’s toast to friendship and luck. Gon had just spit out the sips he’d taken while Killua was fine and actually asked for a few more. You were worried about the two boys and actually kept an eye out for them, but throughout the rest of the First Phase and until you reached the Visca Forest Preserve, they both seemed to have become friends and were in high spirits.

   You’d finally met them during the Fourth Phase, on Zevil Island, by accident. Well, you met Killua first, as he was just walking around like it was a stroll in the park. And then you felt another examinee nearby. Scared that they’d target Killua, you jumped in front of him, but instead, he pushed you away and actually disappeared, making you look around frantically until you heard a sickening crack and then a thud.

   When you looked where the sound had come from, you saw Killua with one hand soaked in blood as he took the person’s badge and walked towards you.

   “Why were you following me?”

   “I wasn’t, I was just resting here for a bit. I thought you hadn’t heard them and were going to get hit.” He didn’t seem to really believe you, but he’d sensed you from before, so he knew you most probably weren’t lying.

   When you invited him to take a seat on one of the overgrown tree roots and eat something, you thought he’d refuse vehemently - what if he thought it might be a trap and you’d try to poison him? But to your surprise, he accepted your offer and you actually talked for quite a while, eating some sandwiches you’d made before arriving on the island. When you asked him about how he accepted and your confusion regarding Tonpa’s drinks, he only said that he’s been exposed to pretty much every poison out there since he was young.

   If that wasn’t shocking, what he told you afterwards definitely was: torture with electricity, water, assassin training, Nen training... and he was still a child. Killua didn’t really seem surprised by your shock; he got that a lot. And when you apologised because it was horrible how used he seemed to be to having this discussion, he actually smiled, something between a sad and a proud smile.

   “It made me stronger and more resistant than others.”

   “But you’re still only a child. That’s no childhood, Killua. And I’m sure even you’re aware, you’re smart enough for your age.” He was and he understood. That was one of the reasons he even left for the Hunter Exam - he had to get away from his family and their behaviour, at least for a while.

   Your worry seemed genuine and he liked the feeling of someone caring about him and his well-being. Sure, he had befriended Gon and had a few people in his life who actually cared and he considered friends. And maybe you’d become someone like that as well.

   The two of you talked and looked out for each other until you decided to split up, going your separate ways and promising to meet again during the next phase.

   Gon, who you met officially later was a lot friendlier, without any sort of suspicion whatsoever and he seemed to already consider you a friend, if the way he was animatedly talking to you about his home and family was of any indication. You’d met him after Hisoka helped him with Geretta and you found him while he was still struggling and wobbling around.

   He was pouting and grumbling about how Hisoka wouldn’t accept his badge back and when you asked him if he was okay - you had seen the whole confrontation from further away and were actually worried Hisoka would kill him - he seemed to be a bit startled. Gon had been deep in his thoughts and despite sensing your Aura, your voice still made him flinch in surprise. You’d only asked if he was alright, and despite a bit of apprehension, he still answered you, pouting and bruised, but still friendly.

   You’d cleaned his face as best as you could - he allowed you when you asked him if you could so any cuts he had wouldn’t get infected - and actually put some really cute bandaids with animals on some of the smaller ones. Gon’s eyes sparkled as he smiled and thanked you. He was adorable and you just had to pinch his cheek when he smiled. Again, you promised each other that you’d meet again.

   And just like pretty much everyone else, you’d managed to move from one phase to another, survive, fulfill the requirements and managed to obtain your Hunter License. The Final Phase, the tournament, was the last time you saw both boys: Gon was unconscious and Killua left after killing his opponent.

   You didn’t really hear much after that, but you needed to train and develop your Nen. That was why you chose Heaven’s Arena. Well, earning money on the side and bringing your reputation up certainly couldn’t hurt.

   You’d already managed to cross the 200th floor and were currently in the lobby, ready to head out for a little change of scenery, when you saw Gon and Killua. You called their names and hugged them both and they returned it quickly - well, Killua blushed and patted your back, but in the end he just squeezed you briefly. When you invited them out to eat something, stating that it was your treat, you laughed at their sparkly eyes and the barely audible grumbles from their stomachs.

   You all went to little restaurant owned by a local family, where the food felt like it was melting in your mouth and tasted heavenly, while the prices were great, and talked with them. They’d already been at Heaven’s Arena for a few days but you’d all been so busy with your own matches and training that you didn’t even notice each other. And now that you knew that they’d be at the arena for quite some time, you asked them to meet up with you as often as you all could.

   Of course they couldn’t say no. Pretty much everyone at Heaven’s Arena was looking for rookies to crush, so it was nice to have someone - besides Wing and Zushi - who would accept them with open arms and not try to fight them. You also trained with them and, at Wing’s request, tried to let them discover more about their Nen and the uses of Aura by themselves.

   It was hard sometimes, having to watch over them and knowing that you could help and make things easier for them. But you also knew that it was necessary for them to learn some things through trial and error. You would supervise them, and even Zushi, whenever you had time and offered to give Wing a little break - which took some convincing, but even he knew he needed some time for himself. You felt so proud by their evergrowing progress and were sure to tell them that and encourage them, while also making them take regular breaks.

   You couldn’t lie though. When you had a match one day that turned out to be a tad more difficult than usually, you heard Gon, loud and clear, yell Go, (Y/N)-nee-chan! Of course, he was soon followed by Killua, who was yelling while the both of them were waving their arms like crazy. And, of course, they were followed by Zushi, while Wing only shook his head amused and only briefly waved at you. You could only smile before taking a deep breath in and channeling everything into your finishing move, coming out victorious.

   When you left the ring and got into the hallway, you were quickly ambushed by the three boys who hugged you, congratulating you and talking loudly about how cool the match and your moves were. Wing was a few steps behind, looking as kind as ever and congratulating you as well. You laughed when you offered to treat everyone to dinner that night and they all accepted immediately - again, Wing took some convincing, but came with you and the boys anyway. It had, officially, become one your most prized victories at the arena and you all celebrated with a lot of food and dessert that night.

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Autistic Hiccup x ADHD Anna Headcanons

SO I’ve been really into the whole Autistic x ADHD ship dynamic and Hiccanna...highkey fits??? Like y’all know I will die on my “Anna has ADHD” hill, but after reading this post by @hobie-brown I’m like wait, the autistic Hiccup headcanon is wonderful too??? And blends SO WELL with ADHD Anna??? And I absolutely HAD to explore it more so BOOM headcanon time! Another special thanks to @hobie-brown for writing the super lovely autistic Hiccup headcanon masterpost that inspired me to do this!

Disclaimer: I myself am not on the spectrum (part of the reason I’ve always felt a little weird about definitively HCing characters as autistic unless I see actual autistic people HC them that way too), so most of the stuff here is stuff I know secondhand from my autistic friends! I do have ADHD, so I can always promise that ADHD Anna will be 100% authentic XD

~Anna absolutely gets into Hiccup’s special interests to try and impress him. The most obvious one being, of course, dragons, but also dinosaurs (extinct dragons), lizards (tiny dragons), and Dungeons and Dragons (An RPG game that does, in fact, include dragons). Hiccup absolutely had that dragonology book as a kid and got obsessed with it beyond all reasonability. Hilariously, Anna’s wooing strategy of indulging his special interests works like a charm--mainly because a) he’s pretty flattered that someone takes THAT much of an interest in what he likes and b) half the time, ANNA finds that she genuinely gets into whatever said special interest is and finds them easy to hyperfixate on. It helps that the more she obsesses over it herself, the more she has to talk to Hiccup about XD

~Specifically, Anna definitely joins a DnD campaign at some point so that Hiccup will think she’s a “cool gamer girl”--and then gets unironically obsessed with it and starts writing 10-page backstories for all of her characters. She later tells Hiccup it started out as a ruse to win his heart via nerdiness, and he absolutely loses his shit laughing.

~One of their overlapping special interests/hyperfixations is high fantasy. Hiccup is, unsurprisingly, all about the mythical creatures while Anna is more into the magic and the zesty political drama, but you dun best believe they catch every CGI-ridden fantasy movie that ever comes out. They’ve both spent a literal fortune on fantasy movie tickets, even moreso on watching them in 3D or Imax. How embarrassing for both of them.

~Another less-obvious overlapping interest is history. Hiccup gets into it while looking into the cultural mythos of dragons (he’s pretty fascinated by the fact that so many cultures around the world thought up similar creatures independently), while Anna gets into it because she grew up cooped up bored and lonely in a big house, and entertained herself by looking into the history behind some of the family paintings. They don’t seem it at first, but they’re actually both huge medieval and ancient civilization history buffs.

~Hiccup is THE most touch-repulsed person you will ever meet. This is unfortunate, as he is also SUPER touch-starved and absolutely does not realize it (I mean, I’ve never gotten the vibe Stoic was the super huggy type, considering his and Hicc’s relationship in HTTYD 1). This means he has absolutely no fucking clue what to make of Anna when they first meet meet. Anna’s the sort of person to give physical affection pretty freely, especially if she likes you--usually in the form of hugs, arm pats or playful swats, putting her elbow on your shoulder, etc etc. Hiccup is kinda just like “this is way too much touching but like??? I kinda like having her this close to me??? What do???”

~Anna, meanwhile, notices that Hiccup kinda stiffens up whenever she touches him and seems to not be crazy about it and she’s just immediately like “yo what’s wrong???” And as SOON as he admits he’s not all that crazy about being touched randomly she’s like “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY” and never touches him without asking again.

~As soon as she finds out touch a kind of A Whole Thing for him, Anna is like...AGGRESSIVELY respectful of Hiccup’s boundaries when it comes to physical affection. Almost annoyingly so. She gets in the habit of basically never initiating any kind of physical touch without asking first--even long after they’ve started dating, and he’s told her it’s okay to initiate touching as long as she’s not smothery about it. She still refuses out of principle.

~They come up with a kind of “consent language” so Anna can pretty quickly determine when it’s all right to touch Hiccup--because Anna still really likes being physically affectionate with him, and he does actually like receiving physical affection a lot of the time (because, again, touch-starved), he’s just choosy about who does it. They work out a system based off of small, light touches that Hiccup doesn’t mind where it’s basically 2 taps on his shoulder for “can I hug you around the neck,” 2 taps on his side for “can I hug you around the waist,” 2 taps on his arm for “can I grab/lightly slap/punch your arm,” and 1 tap on is shoulder for “can I put my arm/elbow on your shoulder.” If he’s cool with it he’ll either nod or just say “yeah go ahead.” It works a lot quicker than asking “can I do such-and-such specific touch” every single time, and allows Anna to keep some of her spontaneity. They develop this during their friendship and it ends up rolling over into their relationship, even after Hiccup has basically told her she doesn’t need to ask permission for a lot of these anymore. She adds a new one after they start dating--she taps him a couple times wherever she wants to kiss him to ask if it’s cool to give him a smooch! It usually is.

~INFODUMPING. Literally SO. MUCH. INFODUMPING. Hiccup absolutely WILL NOT SHUT UP when he gets to talking about one of his special interests. Anna just will not shut up in general, but when the topic changes to one of her hyperfixations, it’s even worse. If you try to have a conversation with these two while they’re infodumping, you WILL get talked over. Honestly, left to their own devices, they could probably infodump to each other for literal days on end.

~Despite how much they both like to infodump, they’re both pretty good about being patient and indulging the other when it’s their partner’s turn to infodump in the conversation XD They are, however, notorious about accidentally triggering a barely-related infodump in the other person. It’s not uncommon for one of them to finish a rant and then the other goes “OH THAT REMINDS ME” and sets off on a completely different, barely-related rant.

~Hiccup actually really appreciates how overexpressive--and occasionally overdramatic--Anna tends to be. He never has to try and figure out what she’s thinking because she just says everything in her brain, and her body language basically always matches how she’s feeling to a ridiculous extent, so he never has to give himself a headache trying to read her. The fact that she’s the opposite of subtle and has no filter whatsoever works great for him, because he doesn’t have to drive himself insane trying to understand her. He gets her better than he gets most people because she’s an open goddamn book. The boy’s never been the best with social cues at all, never mind the nuanced, obscure ones, so Anna’s general straightforwardness and utter inability to hide her true feelings at literally any time is a breath of fresh air. What you see is basically what you get, and Hiccup wouldn’t have it any other way.

~People think when Anna and Hiccup start dating it’s gonna be a disaster, mainly because he’s so blunt and she can be...”oversensitive” (i.e. has a REALLY bad case of RSD). Turns out they’re dead wrong--because Hiccup has RSD too! (I mean, come ON--look how BADLY he wants to get his village’s approval! And how hard he takes it when his dad or someone else is mad at him--even if he tries to hide it with snark) He’s actually one of the few people who can be blunt enough with Anna that she realizes when she’s being a dumbass but tactful enough not to hurt her feelings or set off her RSD--because god, has he been there. When Anna is being especially difficult and has worked herself into a real bad funk, Hiccup (and sometimes Elsa) is the only people who can talk to her and get through to her without getting blown up at.

~They stim in similar ways!!! They both tend to fidget or kinda bounce up in down in place as a way to comfort themselves and calm themselves down (I see them both having a lot of anxiety and generally being kind of paranoid, although Anna is MUCH better at hiding this via putting on a cheerful face). They both do the leg bounce!!! Also if they get SUPER excited they’ll do a little awkward happy dance!!! They both also tend to stim by rubbing things in small, repetitive motions--with Hiccup, it’s usually his sketching pens, his ear, his head, or the back of his neck, while with Anna, it’s usually her other hand, her arm, her clothes, or really anything with kind of a comforting, consistent texture (some favorites are rubber, felt, and velvet). After they start dating, they actually will stim with each other’s hands while holding hands--usually by squeezing the other person’s hand in kind of a repetitive pattern or doing the thumb-rub thing on the back of the other person’s hand. It’s not uncommon for them to each be doing something completely unrelated while holding hands and just stimming on each other’s hands the entire time. Anna especially really loves when she feels Hiccup stimming on her, because it’s her little indicator that he’s happy and feels at peace and content in her presence and she LOVES being able to do that for him!

~They both stim by playing with hair too! Anna likes to play with her own to stim--mainly by figeting with the end of her braids or tucking hair behind her ear. She DOES love to ruffle Hiccup’s hair too (and she LOVES how fluffy it is!), but it’s usually not a stim thing. After they start dating, Anna does occasionally stim by massaging Hiccup’s hair/scalp, but she doesn’t usually do it for very long. Hiccup really loves braiding Anna’s hair, or just playing with it when it’s down. it helps him relax and clear his mind to have something fairly repetitive and/or mindless to do.

~Even after gaining some confidence, Hiccup still has a fair bit of social anxiety, so he and Anna basically always go to parties and social events together and stick with each other the whole time to make it less intimidating for him. Hiccup generally prefers to let Anna do the talking when they chat with people, and sometimes if he’s REALLY nervous he’ll sometimes even let her kinda talk for him (not in a condescending “speaking over” kinda way, but more in like a “I can sense you’re not comfortable speaking here so I’ll help you out as best I can” kinda way). She always makes sure to leave space in the conversation for him to take over talking if he wants. She’s also incredibly prone to bragging about his accomplishments to basically everyone they know. Hiccup is both embarrassed and flattered by this.

~When Anna finds out about meltdowns (probably through Hiccup mentioning it kind of offhandedly--“Eh, sorry I went AWOL last night, I was having a bit of a meltdown. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now.”) she lowkey gets super anxious and frustrated because she REALLY wants to help, but has no idea how. Cue literal HOURS of research on the internet and AGGRESSIVE memorizing of any and all tips that she reads that she thinks would help. Which, of course, means several MORE hours spent going over flashcards like she’s studying for a goddamn test, because Anna has never been known for her sharp, expansive memory.

~The first time Hiccup ever has a meltdown in front of her (maybe after a really bad phone fight with his dad or something? Just general sensory overload?), she takes him to a secluded room and IMMEDIATELY gets rid of anything that could be agitating sensory-wise. She dims the lights! She closes the blinds! She throws a nearby clock, an alarm, a timer, and several other objects with only the slightest potential of making an annoying noise out of a nearby window in a fit of passion! She goes on a frenzied quest to find Hiccup’s noise-cancelling headphones--and finishes it in record time! Even in a state of emotional turmoil, Hiccup realizes that Anna’s being just a little too methodical in how she goes about all this--these are the kind of things that wouldn’t ever occur naturally to her to do. So as soon as he calms down a bit and has screamed into a pillow for a while, he’s like “...did you go on the internet to look up how to help with meltdowns?” and Anna’s like “...yes?” And Hiccup is lowkey so touched he starts crying all over again...and then, naturally, makes a long string of snarky comments to try and distract from it XD

~For their anniversary Anna saves up a bunch and buys Hiccup a lizard and a terrarium!!! She gets him a crocodile skink because, I quote, “Well, they always look annoyed, they’re kinda shy, they don’t like to be touched, and they look like tiny dragons, so they reminded me of you!!!” Hiccup screams like a goddamn fangirl, he’s SO excited. As luck would have it, Hiccup’s crocodile skink is a lot less skittish and prone to hiding than they usually are, and he actually lets Hiccup pick him up and pet him without much issue. Which is honestly great, because repeatedly touching something smooth and even like lizard scales helps calm Hiccup down when he’s agitated and helps with some of his sensory issues.

~Probably goes without saying, but Hiccup basically NEVER genuinely gives Anna a hard time about her memory problems or how she’s not always the quickest on the uptake, and if anyone tries to call her annoying, dumb, or immature he will absolutely roast them into oblivion. He does sometimes like...lightly tease her about jumping into things without thinking or never shutting up, but he never pushes it if he can tell she’s genuinely bothered by it (and, again, Anna is very easy to read, so it’s not hard to tell XD)

~I’ve seen other people in the fandom HC either Hiccup, Anna, or both of them as BOTH autistic and ADHD, and honestly...fuck yes!!! I’m down for this too! I love the idea of these two disaster ND kids just vibing with each other on so many damn levels that it’s like...incomprehensible to the average human XD Like man, they fuckin GET each other!!! I’m pretty happy with most combinations of ADHD + Autistic headcanons for Anna and Hiccup, so long as they end up vibing!!!

~THEY JUST. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. SO MUCH. THEY LITERALLY WOULD DIE FOR EACH OTHER. I AM SURE OF IT. I’M CRYING. 

[itsclydebitches]

I've seen some people say tat Rubys speech was just edited short. We didn't hear the full speech. Just snippets and reactions. Hence it being so broken and disjointed. I could believe that, but then it just become a horrible directing decision. That moment needed to be heard and reacted to in full. Either she gave the worst speech or whoever in CRWBY made the call to edit it that was messed up.

I made a transcript! 

Uh… hi. My name is Ruby Rose. I’m a huntress. And if we’ve done everything right then I’m talking to all of Remnant right now. Dr. Polendina can explain more later, but right now you all need to know that the kingdom of Atlas is under attack. Things are dire and we need help. But please, try not to panic. This isn’t some new enemy or invading kingdom. This is a force we’ve faced before. For centuries. Salem. The White Fang, Atlesian Drones, even the grimm themselves have all been controlled and manipulated by her in order to tear down the huntsmen academies. 

[Cut to Penny as opposed to a citizen watching. Ruby’s speech continues, but this may indicate that we lost some info, especially given the non-sequitur of the next line]

I know the idea of the Maidens and Relics seems, well, crazy, but I promise Professor Goodwitch of Beacon and Headmaster Theodore of Shade can verify all of this. They might even be able to help organize a way to fight back! But, sadly, General Ironwood can no longer be trusted.

[Harriet cuts the feed and we see Watts hacking Penny. It’s impossible to know whether the next line picks up where we left off, or skipped more speech.]

We didn’t have time to prepare for Salem, but now you do! Just because she can’t be destroyed doesn’t mean she can’t be beaten. If she really was unstoppable she wouldn’t have acted with such caution until now! She knows we’re a threat! So even if we—even if Atlas falls, you can’t give up. 

[Penny is hacked, but it doesn’t seem to interrupt the connection. She’s only gone for a second]

I hope Amity tower will bring us all together. Because in the end that’s how we’ll win! 

[Feed ends]

On the one hand I think it’s possible that we missed parts because RWBY has done that in the past. For example, we still have no idea if Ironwood knows that the Lamp still has a question left/what really happened with Ozpin because we never got to see the conversation between him and Oscar. On the other hand, Pietro was emphasizing how short Ruby’s recording was. They don’t need to keep Amity going for long and this is already a fairly substantial speech. The only place I’d say it’s really likely we missed something is right before mentioning the Relics and Maidens - just because that line comes out of nowhere - but otherwise it all reads as one thought building off of the one that (presumably) came before it. So I think it’s both. We may have missed stuff and Ruby gave a reeeeaaally bad speech. Let’s look at the transcript once more, this time with notes: 

Uh… hi. My name is Ruby Rose. I’m a huntress. And if we’ve done everything right then I’m talking to all of Remnant right now. Dr. Polendina can explain more later (He can? Since when?), but right now you all need to know that the kingdom of Atlas is under attack (How are you being attacked? What does this attack look like?) Things are dire and we need help (What kind of help, Ruby? You’re talking to “all of Remnant,” 95% of which can’t do anything proactive help you. Give the ones who can do something some guidance). But please, try not to panic. (You just told everyone the situation is “dire” and that the most powerful kingdom needs help. Telling people not to panic will just make them panic more). This isn’t some new enemy or invading kingdom. This is a force we’ve faced before (They have no idea what you’re talking about right now). For centuries. Salem. (That name means nothing and just got more confusing with “centuries.”). The White Fang, Atlesian Drones, even the grimm themselves have all been controlled and manipulated by her in order to tear down the huntsmen academies. (What person controls people, tech, and grimm? How do you control grimm? Why is she attacking academies? What is this girl talking about? And how is this Salem attacking Atlas now? You just named three distinct tools, so if we come help what should we expect? Grimm? Another hacked army? Are we fighting people?? Also, congratulations on ramping up the racial tensions. Dropping “White Fang” in there is going to cause a lot of people to turn on the faunus.)

I know the idea of the Maidens and Relics seems, well, crazy, but I promise Professor Goodwitch of Beacon and Headmaster Theodore of Shade can verify all of this (I sure hope we missed part of the speech because otherwise Ruby forgot to tell them what these things even are. Still love her saddling Glynda and Theodore with this insane responsibility. They won’t be able to go anywhere in public now. Seriously. The entire WORLD just heard they’re the two people who can explain/fix this.). They might even be able to help organize a way to fight back! (Ruby is ignoring Salem’s immortality, as usual.) But, sadly, General Ironwood can no longer be trusted. (No information there whatsoever. Just a blanket, ‘Don’t trust him’ without reason or evidence.) 

We didn’t have time to prepare for Salem, but now you do! (Okay, let’s just get the fighters together and--) Just because she can’t be destroyed doesn’t mean she can’t be beaten. (WHAT? She can’t be destroyed?? Well what are we supposed to do then?) If she really was unstoppable she wouldn’t have acted with such caution until now! (Well then why aren’t you stopping her? You’re the one with all the information and the most powerful kingdom at your back. If you can’t stop this scary Salem person, who can? I’m a random civilian just trying not to get eaten by regular, non-controlled grimm. Unless you’ve got the Spirit Bomb hidden away and need my energy, what do you expect me to do?) She knows we’re a threat! So even if we—even if Atlas falls, you can’t give up. (A whole kingdom is going to fall? The most powerful kingdom that provides most of our tech? AHHHHH)

I hope Amity tower will bring us all together (What was Amity Tower again? Is that something I should know about?). Because in the end that’s how we’ll win! (.......right.) 

If I had seen that recording I would have a LOT of questions. Starting with who the hell Ruby Rose is beyond a “huntress.” If the kingdom is in so much danger why is this teenager telling us about it? Am I going to believe, on her word alone, that I should cut ties with a world leader? Amass an army/prepare for an undefined threat against something that “can’t be destroyed”? Imagine for a moment, no matter where you live, that a random kid suddenly appeared on your computer screen and said the nearest country is currently falling to an indestructible someone named “Salem” and you should prepare for that... somehow. Would you take that seriously for even a second? No! I’d be worried about my security (how did she get on my laptop?) and then texting my friends like, “Lol that was wild. Do you think it’s true??” Then I’d hop on tumblr to watch the memes start. Anyone who does believe it - or better yet, gets proof of it happening - is going to be lost. Prepare how? Help how? Ruby told everyone the most panic-inducing information possible and her only advice was “Don’t panic.” Because she told everyone before figuring out how to beat Salem.  

This is why telling the world about Salem was always an awful idea and this is why you don’t let the untrained 17 year old give a clearly unplanned speech to the ENTIRE WORLD rather than, idk, finding a hostage negotiator or something. At least then they’d know how to provide reassurance other than “Don’t panic.” 

As a final note, is anyone going to be able to replay this? Was anyone recording? Imagine the chaos of not just the message itself, but a message everyone talks about via memory. Ruby just sent the whole world spiraling. 

[mae-gi-writes]

Only For You | Hyunjae

anon request: in which you catch Hyunjae with another girl, leading to misunderstandings about where his love truly lies. 

I hope you like it anon! <3 So sorry for the lateness xx 

Genre: fluff, slight angst

Words: 1k 

------

If she thought that she was being subtle, she wasn’t. 

You had noticed her hooded, wandering gaze over Hyunjae’s figure the moment the door to Changmin’s flat opened, practically overflowing with balloons of all sizes as if the day itself didn’t scream enough that it was, indeed, his birthday. The girl -- a classmate of yours, a familiar face you had spotted wandering around campus but never actually spoke to -- but while you weren’t one to judge others only based on your biased assumptions, her cold mannerisms and reputation did not help her case whatsoever, especially when your Major was such a small one in the first place. 

But you had wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and thus had only nodded with a quick smile in her direction as you greeted the rest of Hyunjae’s friends with open arms like a bunch of puppies ready to be cuddled. 

“Hey Fiona,” Hyunjae threw the said girl a quick smile as he spotted her figure, which she returned with a full-fledged beam. Your stomach twisted and you looked away, trying hard not to scowl at the energy radiating off her skin. 

You didn’t like her. You couldn’t deny it. But she didn’t do anything wrong either, which prompted your guilt to resurface. 

She was just greeting him. They’re friends, of course she’s going to smile at him, you reminded yourself sternly, don’t be stupid. 

The flat -- unlike any other time when you would stumble in unannounced -- was now bathed in purple hues of light sprouting from various spotlights lining up the wall of the flat. Bodies danced along to the music, dark silhouettes moving to the beat and chatting idly amongst themselves as you followed Hyunjae to the makeshift bar that had been set up on Changmin’s kitchen counter, courtesy of Eric’s newest addiction of course: he was the one who usually changed Majors just like he would change underwear, and this month he dreamt of becoming a somelier.

“What do you want to drink?” asked Hyunjae as he grabbed two clean glasses from their drying rack. Spending his time in Changmin’s flat most of the time, Hyunjae could practically feel his way around this space blindfolded. 

You tilted your head to scan the array of beverages, “vodka and coke for me.” 

“Sure you don’t want to start with a shot?” Hyunjae raised his brows, wriggling them in a teasing manner and causing you to swat his arm. 

The night wore on, causing you to forcibly relax and mingle with people that you haven’t seen for a while as you brushed aside the weird knots inside your stomach. It was stupid, you thought to yourself, it was stupid and immature of your part to think that there was more to the way Fiona’s sultry gaze had run over Hyunjae’s figure. You had to admit that you were being paranoid, more so than usual, and so forcibly attempted to focus back on Changmin and Sunwoo who were currently arguing as to who was the better dancer. 

Your gut feeling was never wrong though.

It was only a couple of drinks later that, as you stumbled over to the washroom to relieve yourself from the amount of alcohol coursing through your veins, that your eyes fell on two figures pressed up against the corridor.

One of them was instantly recognized as Hyunjae. 

A silent gasp fell from your lips and you had half a mind to just storm over to wrench them apart, when his voice sliced through the air like a knife: 

“I’m not going to repeat myself, Fiona. Step away from me. Now.” 

Your brain instantly prickled at the girl’s name, before you registered his words. 

“You like me, Hyunjae,” Fiona’s voice was thick with desire, her silhouette pressing up to Hyunjae’s chest and causing another bout of fury to rise through your chest, “tell me you like me. I’ve seen it, the way you look at me--” 

“What are you talking about?!” Hyunjae’s arms grasped her arms and shoved her away, “You’re crazy. I don’t like you--” 

“Then why do you keep leading me on? What about all those messages? And the fact that you chose me as your partner--”  “That was just because you didn’t have anyone else! I felt sorry for you!” 

“Lies,” she shoved her face right into his with a hiss, “you’re lying. You like me, and--”

You couldn’t hear anything more. A sob escaping the back of your throat, you turned on your heel and dashed down the hall without caring whether they noticed your presence. From the way Hyunjae’s tone of exclamation followed your footsteps, you guessed that he’d realized who had just witnessed their small encounter. 

“Y/N!” His cry bounced off the walls, “wait!” 

Turning into one of the rooms and quickly shutting the door behind you, a small breath -- almost like a whimper--  escaped your lips as you pressed back against the wall. Your legs felt shaky, almost as though you were going to collapse from the weight of this sudden revelation. 

Maybe Fiona was right. Maybe Hyunjae did like her. What did he even see in you anyway? Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes at the thought, a film of water dotting your vision. You were nothing more than just another girl and these, these girls could be found anywhere.

No wonder he liked Fiona. She was beautiful, gorgeous and edgy. The kind of girl that boys admired and enjoyed chasing, the kind of girl that you were never going to be. 

A knock vibrated through the door, muffled against the sound of the music pounding through the floor.

“Y/N. Please open the door.” 

Hyunjae.

You bit your lip so hard you tasted blood.

“Please Y/N,” there was an edge of desperation in his alto, “it’s not what you think. You didn’t let me finish.” 

Still, you kept quiet as you contemplated his words. It wasn’t the fact that you didn’t trust him, no. It was the idea of his rejection, of the words that might strike you right through the chest and tear your heart apart that made you so reluctant in hearing what he had to say. 

When he knocked once more and pleaded for you to let him in, there were a few beats of silence in which you hesitated, before reluctantly reaching over to unlatch the door to see the desperate, puppy-eyed look sported by your boyfriend. 

“Y/N,” he wasted no time in slipping in and closing the door behind him. He clasped your hands in his, his thumbs brushing comforting circles over your knuckles as his eyes searched yours for any indication, “what you saw wasn’t--it wasn’t what you think.”

“What was it then?” your voice shot out as sharp as a newly-sheathed blade.

“I was just on my way to the bathroom and then she just cornered me out of nowhere, started spluttering things about us being good together and how I was wasting my time--” his tone grovelled with sudden anger as it flashed through his eyes, “you should’ve seen her. She was acting like we were the closest of friends when in truth, I haven’t even spoken more than ten words with her ever since the start of semester. And most of the time it’s just about work.”

Still, your eyes were glued to a random spot on his shirt as you weren’t sure whether you’d crumble the moment you’d see his face. His words rang between your bodies like a gentle reminder of his love for you, and your heart couldn’t help but tremble slightly at the amount of emotion in his voice.

“Please Y/N,” Hyunjae’s alto choked up with emotion. He stepped even closer, causing you to get a whiff of his cologne that you loved so much, “you have to believe me. Why would I look for anything else when I have everything right here--in front of me?” 

The tears that were threatening to fall now cascaded freely down your cheeks as you nodded, allowing him to bring you into a soft, gentle hug. One of his hands found comfort on your back, while the other cupped your cheek to wipe away at your face. 

“I never want to hurt you,” came Hyunjae’s hushed murmur, a soothing lullaby to your ears, “I hate seeing you cry.” 

You buried closer, arms winding around his middle, as if failure to do so might wrench him away from you.

“I love you,” your muffled words didn’t go unnoticed by the said young man, who pulled back to gaze down at you with a tenderness that made the breathe still halfway through your lungs.

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, “I love you too.” 

And then he brought his mouth over to yours, sharing with you such a gentle, tender kiss that your entire body quivered for more. You unconsciously gripped him a little tighter as he kept kissing you, mouth imprinting over yours in a chaste manner that made your heart sing. 

“I love you,” he kept on murmuring as he moved to kiss a path along your jawline, up your cheek, stopping to nibble upon a patch of skin at your neck, “I love you,” showering you with kisses to the best of his ability, you let out the softest of giggles at the numerous pecks he kept on peppering over your skin like the softest kiss of rain on a hot summer’s day.

It was only when you pulled apart, foreheads touching, that you mumbled, “I’m sorry, for doubting you.” 

He grinned back though, “as long as that means you love me enough. I’ll take it.” 

----

[forevercloudnine]

batman forever riddlebat ship meme

(This one was inevitable. God, do I love this movie. @heroes-etc​ gave me questions from this ship meme.)

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

The obvious answer here is Edward because he is... clearly and pathologically insecure in his identity and requiring outside approval. You could argue he gets over this once he adopts his flamboyant supervillain identity, but as soon as he steps out of it to be Edward Nygma again he’s as self-conscious as ever. On some level his Bruce cosplay at the Nygmatech party is probably supposed to be a dig at his former idol, but it’s pretty transparent that he’s paranoid about not measuring up, especially once Bruce actually walks in.

As for what makes him feel better, two obvious high points of his self-esteem right off the bat (lol) are when Bruce is giving him positive attention in his intro scene, and directly afterwards when he’s murdering his boss for ragging on him.

Of course, neither external validation or murder is, like, a permanent solution to insecurity. Obviously. If they ever got together Bruce would probably make him go to therapy, which would be incredibly hypocritical because, as Dr. Meridian points out in this movie, that’s not exactly something Bruce is doing. Although in Bruce’s defense, if you count the novelizations as canon for this continuity, the psychiatrist Alfred hired for him as a child basically wrote him off as a lost cause that was going to inevitably self-destruct at some point in adulthood. So I can see why he’d think therapy isn’t for him. 

"Young Bruce may seem quite the stalwart, but there’s still a child beneath that veneer of calm acceptance [...] The day will come when that veneer crumbles, and the boy reacts to the memory of his ordeal. Such matters may be postponed, but not indefinitely. And the longer this one is delayed, the greater the damage will be to his psyche.”

“Still,” Alfred pressed. “How do you think this will all come out? Off the record, if you prefer.”

Another pause. “I am not terribly optimistic,” the stout man admitted. “But I assure you, I will do my best.”

Alternatively, Bruce just lets Edward borrow his clothes and calls it a day. It’s less time consuming than therapy and both the movie and novelization demonstrate how into that Edward is.

He was murmuring to himself, “We’ll probably be dining at Wayne Manor together.” He envisioned Bruce sitting across from him, and began to launch into a narrative [...] “Yes. Yes. A Party in my honor? I should have rented a tuxedo. What?” he couldn’t believe it, “One of yours, Bruce?” He gave it a moment’s thought and then shrugged. “Why not? We are the same size.”

3. Who is the most romantic?

 Uh, not Bruce! Batman Forever is the most thoughtfully romantic he gets in the entire series, and even here his only two dates ideas are “whatever Gotham social event my secretary tells me I need a date for” and “coming on to my date in my alternate identity to see if she loves me enough not to cheat on me with Batman.” Also, he vacillates between staunchly refusing to do any flirting at all and dishing out the least romantic pick-up lines possible.

You say “bad writing,” I say “totally in character for a hot rich guy who knows that this is as hard as he has to try to get into someone’s pants.” Bruce might love his partner with the intensity of a thousand dying suns, but he’s still sending Alfred to buy all their Valentine’s Day presents. His idea of a romantic evening for two is finally trusting someone enough to tell them his secret identity. If he’s done that already, or they already figured it out, then his playbook is over. That’s clearly the only romantic fantasy he’s ever allowed himself.  

(I was going to say he does this once every movie, but he actually never does this in Batman & Robin specifically because he doesn’t actually care about Julie Madison. She proposes to him and he gets her name wrong while shooting her down. Add that to the “Bruce Wayne isn’t romantic” box.)

The ridiculous amount of magazine cut-outs populating Edward’s apartment indicates that he probably has a very vibrant and extensive set of fantasies involving Bruce, which is hinted at a couple times in the novelization.

Edward would certainly know him when he saw him. He’d spent enough time anticipating the moment, after all [...] Finally he was going to be meeting Bruce Wayne face-to-face, and he had every moment of the encounter scripted [...] He’d rehearsed it to perfection in his mind for weeks upon months.

In the grand scheme of things... in the fabulous, sweeping, intertwining destinies of Bruce Wayne and Edward Nygma, such a slip would not even rate a footnote.

He becomes suddenly and painfully aware that if Bruce Wayne walked away without Edward Nygma by his side, then that would be it. It would be finished. All these weeks, months... indeed, a lifetime of planning... and it was crumbling under him just like that.

Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean his fantasies are all romantic in the traditional sense of the word. This is a man who was charmed by Harvey holding a charity circus hostage with some kind of graffitied missile warhead. Tonally, there’s not even that much of a difference between his crush collages and his riddle death threats.

What’s weirder, using a magazine cutout of someone you hate to make a pop-up card of their face, or using a magazine cutout of someone you love to replace the anatomically correct heart in the cardiovascular system diagram you keep in your apartment/arcade/makeshift laboratory? Probably the former, since it was made with the express purpose of Bruce actually seeing it. Although presumably Edward was planning on taking Bruce to his apartment at some point? And in the novelization, he actually drags Bruce into his cubicle to look at his Wayne Shrine.

He grabbed Bruce’s arms and shouted “No, don’t leave me! I need you!” [...] Bruce was thunderstruck as he was pulled partway into Edward’s office... and then he caught sight of the shrine. 

Edwards’s head bobbed eagerly. Now, finally, Bruce would understand the depth of Nygma’s devotion to his idol. He would see how important he was to Nygma.

Notably, the only thing that upsets Bruce about the fact that one of his employees has a serial killer wall dedicated to him at their work station (@heroes-etc: realistically.... IS this the first time this has happened? i doubt it.) is the fact that the shrine includes a picture of him taken directly after his parents’ death, which is obviously a huge trigger for Bruce’s PTSD.

Wayne’s gaze zeroed in on the picture of himself as a young man. 

The eyes of Wayne the elder locked with Wayne the younger, and when he slowly turned his scrutiny back to Edward Nygma, Edward could feel the temperature in the cubicle drop to subzero.

Later, once Bruce isn’t being actively reminded of the most traumatizing day of his life, he reflects that he could probably relate to Edward’s specific brand of crazy, and hopes that it’s not too late to try again (it is).

He paused momentarily at Edward Nygma’s cubicle, thinking about the intensity he’d seen in the man’s eyes the other day. Nygma’s ideas might have been a bit odd, but that sort of passion—if properly channeled—could accomplish miracles. That was something Bruce Wayne certainly knew better than anyone else. Perhaps after this fiasco was the time to take Nygma aside under less-pressured circumstances. Start again...

With any other character, I would call bull on their being this unphased by someone being obsessed enough with them to build a stalker shrine, but, like. It’s Batman. He probably has a stalker shrine to Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman in his cave somewhere. When they start dating, Edward mails the weirdest magazine cutout valentines to his office on the regular, and every time Bruce has to assure his staff that it’s not a ransom letter and it’s just “his boyfriend being romantic.”

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

I mean, by most people’s standards, any one of the things that Edward does in front of Bruce could easily be the most embarrassing thing to happen to them in their lifetime. But for the most part, Edward seems blissfully free of that kind of self-consciousness. He accidentally introduces himself to Bruce as “[extended moaning sound] Bruce Wayne” and shakes it off without even registering his mistake. Even when he feels like Bruce has rejected him and his project, his emotional state is more shocked, saddened, and angry than it is ashamed. He does apologize to Bruce, during the scene where they first meet, for holding on to his hand too long during their handshake. And by “handshake” I mean that Bruce extends his hand to be shaken, and Edward just grabs on and holds it without any motion whatsoever for the entire first half of their conversation. Which might be the only time he ever apologizes in the entire movie. So I’ll say that was his moment of embarrassment.

Bruce only really embarrasses himself in front of Alfred, but Edward does manage to trick Bruce into getting scanned by his mind reading device at the Nygmatech party. Being tricked in general would be pretty awkward for Bruce, since this movie goes out of its way to show the audience how SMART and CLEVER and KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT BRAINWAVES Bruce is at every opportunity. But being tricked into getting your mind read is about a million times more embarrassing than just running into a wall like some kind of Looney Tune. Obviously having access to Bruce’s mind allows Edward to figure out that his former boss/current obsessee is Batman, but also it’s just got to be super weird in there. Bruce is a bizarre man.  

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Whether he’s idolizing Bruce or plotting his destruction, Edward is still seeing the subject of his lifelong obsession as a larger than life exaggeration of the real man. Some of that pedestal would probably survive into the beginning of a romantic relationship, but by the time they got serious Edward would have had to recognize that Bruce has both positive and negative traits. He would also have had to grapple with the fact that the man he once assumed would make everything in his life better is a lot of work to be around, especially in this movie’s continuity where the trauma of his family’s death and his guilt over allowing enemies like Joker to die are genuinely affecting Bruce’s day-to-day functionality.

(A lot of things, Chase.)

Edward’s introduction scene demonstrates that he doesn’t see Bruce as having these kinds of problems. His Escapism Wish Fulfillment Device TM is clearly a very personal project for him, since he, you know. Is kind of already living in a Bruce-centric fantasy world.

When he’s pitching it to Bruce, however, he states that he doesn’t think someone like Bruce would ever need to escape reality (which could just be ingratiating flattery, but he barely seems aware of what he’s saying at the time because he’s too busy staring with his mouth open at Bruce putting on glasses).

(Side note: an interjection from @heroes-etc​

Anyway, moving on.)

Obviously we know he’s wrong, since Bruce escapes his reality every night by dressing up like a bat and scaring people. Normally that’s just subtext (or me being cynical and creating subtext), but Batman Forever introduced a hot psychiatrist who is constantly poking at Batman for being a power fantasy created by a traumatized mind to cope with intense feelings of helplessness in childhood. 

 The novelization makes it clear that it’s not the illusion of perfection that Edward is attracted to, however. The picture of Bruce in Crime Alley is what kickstarts Edward’s obsession, not because Bruce seemed flawless but because he seemed to be going through similar pain as Edward (whatever Edward’s pain even IS in this continuity). So I think recognizing Bruce’s issues would be less of a dealbreaker and more of a point of connection, were they to get serious.

He saw, there in Bruce Wayne’s face, an intensity that mirrored his own. An anger, a frustration at the hand that fate had dealt him. There were no tears on Bruce’s face. Instead there was a smoldering intelligence that Edward intuitively sensed was on par with his own. 

There was something in Bruce’s eyes, something in that gaze. There was Bruce, in a moment of raw emotion, his parents just having been cruelly taken from him. And there was no self-pity. Just cold, hard anger.

[...] Ed still had the newspaper with him when he was walking home from school. Not that he needed it to read; the contents were safely locked away in his skull, thanks to his photographic memory. But he wanted to clip out the articles and pictures about Bruce Wayne. He found the young man fascinating, as if he had discovered a soulmate of sorts.

For Bruce, on the other hand, getting serious presumably just means attempting to include Edward more and more in the found family he builds in the latter half of the 90’s Batman movies. Alfred approving a love interest is not quite as tantamount in this continuity as it is sometimes (Micheal Gough Alfred is pretty laid back), but Bruce is still spending all of his non-Batman, non-socialite time with his butler. So if Edward wants to hang out with Bruce, he has to either get on Alfred’s good side or prepare for a lot of “romantic quality time” where his boyfriend’s dad is glaring at him from the background.

Dick is less important to get on the good side of, since he and Bruce argue all the time in these movies (apparently one of the proposed scripts for Batman & Robin was Bruce kicking Dick out of the house and making him go to college, where Dick would cope with his dad-related anger by bullying his psychology professor Dr. Crane into becoming a supervillain. I personally feel like I deserved to see that Scarecrow origin). So if Dick doesn’t like Bruce’s new boyfriend, it’s just one more thing for them to be catty to each other about.  

Alfred’s niece Barbara Wilson on the other hand (who is adorable as a fusion of Barbara Gordon and Julia Pennyworth, do not @ me) would be absolutely vital for Edward to win over, because her opinion could easily either make or break his standing with her uncle. Also Bruce decided to adopt her within five minutes of meeting her, so he’s obviously fond.

19. Where do they go on their first date?

Edward’s fantasy sequence in the novelization makes it obvious enough that he would really, really like to have dinner at Wayne Manor. Hanging out at someone’s house isn’t really a traditional first date, especially if one of you is a billionaire who could have taken you literally anywhere, but clearly none of that matters to Bruce, because that’s exactly the first date he invites Vicki Vale on in Batman (1989).

It’s pretty painfully awkward (“You want to know the truth? I don’t think I’ve ever been in this room before”) until Bruce gives up on the formality and takes her down to eat the rest of their courses with Alfred in the kitchen.

I feel like his first date with Edward could probably go the same way, with a few major differences. One, Edward would have been super enthused about eating in the fancy dining hall, and Bruce would have only suggested finishing their meal in the kitchen because Edward clearly wanted to see As Much Of The Manor As Possible. Two, when Alfred offers to stop embarrassing Bruce and leave them alone for the end of their date, Edward would have insisted he stay and break out the baby albums. You cannot convince me that Alfred is not a scrapbooker. Actually, does what Edward’s doing count as scrapbooking? Maybe they could compare notes.