#crazy how the last verse was way easier than the first

[verygayandverytired]

i am a broken man after this

[goddessofroyalty]

Fandom: House of the Dragon

Pairing: Aemond/Lucerys

Verse: Blood for Blood

Warnings: omegaverse, mpreg, I threw the canon timeline out the window

I finally had a whole minute to breathe this week (it’s been... an interesting week) and instead of finishing the Blood for Blood arc I wrote another unconnected scene at a random point in the timeline. So take it while I try and survive the weekend of crazy that’s about to hit me. 

------------------

Viserys is having a good day, and as such, Alicent’s husband has requested the whole family eat together.  

Rhaenyra arrives first with her husband and younger three. She is proving annoyingly stubborn this time around. Not fleeing back to Dragonstone like she normally does at the first sign of having to take responsibility for some of her actions. Rather she sends Daemon or her eldest back as necessary to ensure everything is still at peace there while she remains within the capital.  

Rhaenyra claims it is so she can support her son as he adjusts to life as a married omega but Alicent’s father believes it is so she can build a presence in court and seek out potential allies for when the King eventually dies. Alicent is inclined to believe her father right in this matter.  

Still Alicent smiles politely as they get the younger Aegon and Viserys settled at the table with their nurses. The boys just old enough that they might be able to last the full meal before they lose patience and need to be taken away.  

The same can be said about Helaena’s children who arrive with their mother but are put with their cousins to make the nurses’ job easier for the night. The five of them looking like the family they are by blood.  

Rhaenyra’s and Daemon’s eldest three join next. Aegon trailing in a little after that, clearly having expected the meal to have already started and his drunken state to not be less noticed with everyone already focused on their food and conversation.  

Alicent’s eldest glances around at everyone looking at him.  

“How am I early?” he asks because they had been given a time and he clearly had waited until after.  

“We are still waiting for Lucerys and his mate,” Viserys says and Alicent bites her tongue to prevent herself from correcting him that they are waiting for his son and Aemond’s mate.  

In this case he is right though. Aemond has always been punctual. The same cannot be said about Rhaenyra’s second born.  

“We should start before the food gets cold,” Alicent suggests after another awkward minute of silence around the table.  

“We can wait,” her husband says.  

Another minute passes.  

“Perhaps we should send someone to go check on them,” Alicent suggests because that should hopefully at least somewhat shame Lucerys for his tardiness and irresponsibility.  

To think he will be left to rule Driftmark one day, the place will be in ruins within a week. Alicent takes some solace that her son will be able to step in before the omega can do too much damage.  

“You are right,” Viserys says, finally seeing some sense, “perhaps something has happened to him.”  

Just as he goes to wave at one of the guards the doors open and the missing two members enter. Aemond keeping pace at Lucerys side despite the omega’s gait being slowed by the waddle he has gained as his stomach swelled with child.  

“Sorry we are late,” Lucerys says, a slight incline of his head as close as they are getting to an apologetic bow apparently. His hands not even moving from where they are supporting the weight of his stomach. “We were held up.”  

He looks to Aemond at it as if he is to blame for it. And Aemond merely stares right back. The two of them holding each other’s gaze in a way that, as loathe as she is to say it, reminds Alicent of the silent conversations Rhaenyra and her mate have.  

“It is quite alright,” Viserys says with a smile that is clearly trying to reassuring despite his pain. “I am sure you would much prefer to be resting than being here.”  

“If my young brothers and nephews can handle it than I am sure I can as well,” Lucerys says. Joffrey sticks his tongue out at this brother like a brat not a prince, but the five younger ones sit up a little straighter the words somehow encouraging them.  

Aemond remains Lucerys’ shadow as they go to their seats. Alicent’s second son only sitting down himself once Lucerys is settled and the staff are already hurrying to bring the first course out to them all.

Viserys gestures for Alicent to lean over to him as everyone finally starts to dine.  

“I told you they would be a good match,” he says proudly, nodding to the two of them. And Alicent watches as Aemond’s eye keeps sweeping over Lucerys plate as the omega talks to his cousins. “I knew after how he was with Helaena when she was expecting.”  

“Aemond is a very responsible alpha,” Alicent agrees. If there was such a thing as too responsible she would say that he was that. She knew he watched over his older siblings in a way that almost made her wish their positions were reversed, often dragging Aegon home before his brother met those with unflattering opinions about the crown after drinking so much he can no longer stand or keeping Helaena and the children company when Aegon seemed to forget his wife and sister existed. And now Aemond was mated to the very boy who had taken his eye and was taking more care in ensuring Lucerys health and safety than most could claim from their husbands and certainly more than the bastard deserved.  

He has studied more and trained harder than anyone else in the family. Claimed the largest dragon that still breathes. And despite all of it only is getting something to his name because he is marrying the bastard son of Rhaenyra.  

Aemond deserves Driftmark even if it is not his by birthright.  

---------------

It is Aemond’s fault. Lucerys was getting cramps and he wouldn’t let him do aything until he got checked over. 

[grandlovescheme]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @luthien-under-bough, thank you! I love talking about fics and the process of how I write them, so this was fun to put together :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

28

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

459,900

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Now exclusively House of the Dragon, specifically Daemyra

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

High Hopes

Let's Ignite Under the Ember Skies

You're Ripped at Every Edge (But You're a Masterpiece)

If I Could, I'd Get You the Moon

The Dominoes Cascaded in a Line

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I try to always respond, even if the comment is to an older fic. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed or don't even know what to say when someone's being way too kind to me lol, but I always want to let people know I see them and appreciate them so much.

The only time I don't... is when I see someone's binging my whole fic, so then I only respond to the last comment, once they're all caught up.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is easy, as I only have one fic without a happy ending - All and Then Most of You, Some and Now None of You. I love daemyra too much to not give them HEA as much as possible

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is hard to pick... Because all of my fics, apart from that one, end teeth rootingly sweet 😂 Perhaps Dominoes. Or perhaps fighter!au, which you guys haven't read yet but it's very fucking happy!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Sometimes. Though it is much much better now that I disabled anon asks.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! What kind I write... Hmm, tbf I think I write pretty vanilla stuff, even if I do try to explore some kinks here and there when it fits the story and the characters. I guess my kind is focusing on the feelings most of the time, and the emotional connection.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, or at least I haven't yet. We'll see if muse ever strikes this way!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, so hopefully not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times in a different fandom

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not yet, but I'm definitely open to the idea. I definitely wrote a bunch of stuff based on my fandom friends' crazy ideas and prompts with their help, so that's halfway there, I guess

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

No couple had ever taken over my life and thoughts the way Daemyra did, so, the answer is clear!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Soulmates AU? I was once so excited for it, wrote a bunch of notes and even the first two chapters, but now I'm kinda... not feeling it :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

I spent the longest on this question. I think it's the emotions I try to convey in my fics, good or bad.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Now this is much easier. Plot! Intrigue! If you guys haven't noticed yet lol, I write fics heavily focused on romance only, and the development of Daemyra's relationship, because I just can't pull off anything more than that.

I'll probably never write a fic where people will wonder what'll happen next, what that and this means, what this person's motivations are... Because I'm unfortunately not wired that way. But I learned to accept that, and I have fun writing my silly romances with no real plot <3

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done it myself a few times and I like to see it in other fics, too. Especially in HV it's delicious to see in the canon-verse. Though I always struggle with how to write the translation - right next to it, in cursive, in brackets, in the final notes?? That's always a head scratcher

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Eh, probably Twilight? I don't remember writing anything before that, so must be it

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably still High Hopes, even after all this time 🤍

This was fun! I'm tagging some of my writer friends if they wanna join and haven't yet, @ar-feyniel, @eschercaine, @calenlily, @fiora-miriel and anyone else who wants to! :)

[animehouse-moe]

Time really flies, huh. And here I was just thinking that I wasn't feeling like talking about today's Frieren episode, but still wanted something to chat about.

So I'll talk about this for some fun as I look back on what's already a year.

It's kind of crazy that Twitter's just been in a complete state of disrepair for so long. Truthfully, I didn't expect it to last this long, nor do I really think that Elon has much time left. But I was wrong before, so I'm probably wrong again.

Anyways, in the past year, I've really found my passion for anime and manga to grow and develop much more thanks to Tumblr. Getting more space, and better organized tools to express my thoughts has really done a lot for how I approach these things.

When I first started out I was always just doing a sort of play by play of my thoughts on an episode or volume. "I really liked this moment, but then they went here and did this before doing this which I didn't like", that kind of thing.

Of course, I was better than that by the time I got to Tumblr, but I feel like since that November a year ago now, I've gotten even more efficient with my thoughts, even better at breaking apart what I like about something.

And I really, really enjoy being able to see that progress. I want to share all the cool and good pieces of something, and be able to point out why I don't like something or it's not good, so making so much progress just feels really good.

Another thing that I've really enjoyed about Tumblr is that I don't feel the need to post about things that I don't want to. Case and point, I didn't really feel like I had anything to add to today's Frieren episode (aside from gorgeous walk cycles), and I don't feel the pressure to do that so that I can continue being active and involved. I'm a part of the community and hobby, not the other way around. Being on Tumblr where discoverability is far more fine tuned than on Twitter where it's "did you post as soon as possible and use enough sensational words?" just makes it far easier to not worry about "falling behind". If I wanted, I could post a week late about the episode and still feel good about it versus how I'd approach doing that on Twitter. And then there's the whole blue thing which has just completely kneecapped the platform.

It's also made me take a look at how I express myself and my interest in the hobby. I would have never really properly considered making videos on the subject (hence why I write so much), but here I am with a TikTok account, and even making a pass at a YouTube video. All because Tumblr's allowed me to better express and explore my interest in the hobby and community.

It's all very cool stuff, and I very much appreciate the platform for affording me these experiences, and the confusingly large following I have on this account. I'm really not well versed in Tumblr stuff (even after a year, I know. I'm not super big on social media, truthfully), so I have no idea how many followers is considered "a lot" on here.

Also, for those still reading, I'll be doing something a little fun over on Twitter next week. This is just a heads up, but I'll be sharing the information here as well for people that may or may not be interested.

[forever-rogue]

Complete

AN |  I can’t help it, I just love Javi and his Dulzura so much 🥺 This can be read as a stand alone or as part of the AGM universe! This will probably be the last part or close to it of our little tale with them❤️

Summary | Another pregnancy; but this time something is different. 

Pairing | Javier x Fem!Reader 

Warnings | Pregnancy [and all things related to it]

Word Count | 4k

Masterlist | Main, Javier, A Good Man ‘Verse

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“What do you think it will be?” you were half asleep as you laid on top of Javier on the couch, barely paying attention to the movie that had been playing. His arm was draped around your middle, hand gently resting on the swell of your belly. You were holding his other hand, tracing over the lines on his palm with a gentle finger, “I have no clue this time around.”

“Are you suggesting that you knew the first two times?” he chuckled warmly before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You shuffled slightly in his lap so you were looking up at him, “what, mi amor?”

“I did know,” you playfully pouted at him, “I told you the whole time with Lucia that we were having a girl! And I was fairly sure that Diego was going to be a boy…mostly. Still! I wasn’t wrong.”

“Of course you were right, Dulzura,” he stroked your cheek lightly. For a man that had once never wanted anything like, he had never left more complete, more himself, than with you. With each pregnancy, he had marveled at you, how you were able to grow and carry life - life the two of you had created - and give him children. His very own flesh and blood, his family, his everything. And it had all started with that late summer afternoon when you’d walked into his classroom, “does it feel different each time?”

“Hmm?” you slowly sat up and positioned yourself so you were facing him, perched in his lap as best as you could. 

“Pregnancy,” he asked softly as you just beamed, “it seems so…crazy.”

“It is,” you agreed, “the first time was the weirdest, I just think because it was the first time, you know? Like your body is just…like all the alarms are going off all the time. It was just odd - especially when I couldn’t see my feet anymore and the belly throws your whole balance off. It’s just weird. You know a lot of women are like oh pregnancy is so wonderful and beautiful and let’s be honest, it’s not. You saw me, it was hell some days and not fun. But it was special in its own way, and definitely worth it. The second time it’s different because your body knows the drill and how to adjust. It was definitely easier, mostly knowing what to expect. This time is different too. The baby’s sitting differently, if that makes sense…I don’t know. Nothing bad, just different.”

“It seems unfair that you have to go through all of that while I just…do nothing,” he leaned in and pressed his forehead against yours, “I would do it all for you if I could.”

“I know,” you laughed lightly, “but it’s a good thing you don’t have to because I know you’d be too weak to handle this. No offense, baby, but trust me on this one.”

“I won’t even bother arguing with you,” he leaned and kissed you gently, “I remember late at night once, when you were pregnant with Lucia, I was making you a grilled cheese and you said to never argue with your pregnant wife. I’ve taken that to heart.”

“Silly old fool,” you gently pushed him back before moving slowly to stand up. You sighed in content at the feeling in your limbs at the stretching. You turned and held your hand out to him, motioning for him to join you, “you take very good care of me, I hope you know that. I wouldn’t have survived without you.”

“Well, it is partially because of me that you’re in this situation,” he stood up and wrapped his arm around you, resting his chin on your shoulder, “and regardless, I will always take care of you.”

“I know,” you turned your head to press a kiss to his cheek, swaying lightly in his arms to the music that was playing from the movie’s credits, “you know, we can find out what we’re having at my appointment next week…what do you say this time we find out?”

“You want to?” he asked softly as you turned around and nodded eagerly, “alright, we’ll do it then. I’m thinking it’ll be another girl though.”

“Oh?’ you raised an eyebrow in question as he just shrugged, that little smirk on his face, “you’re so sure, huh? Well, I think it’ll be another boy.”

“Want to put a little bet on that, baby?” he stood as close as possible to almost touching except for the bump that was in his way. You nodded, never one to turn down a challenge, “if I’m right and we have another girl, I’m taking myself - and you - away for a weekend, but whatever I say goes. No kids, no pets, nada. What do you want if it’s a boy?”

“If I win, and I will,” you poked his chest, “you’re taking both kids and dogs to the ranch for a whole weekend and I get the house to myself and I will spend it doing nothing but relaxing in sweet, peaceful silence. And maybe I’ll get a jump on the nursery…”

“Alright, Dulzura, it’s a deal,” he grinned as you gave him a firm handshake, “can’t wait to see you be wrong, baby.”

“You’re on, Peña . You’re so on,” you were glad that the spark between the two of you never died down. He wasn’t just your husband, but he truly was your best friend, “now take me to bed!”

“With pleasure,” he took your hand and eagerly led you down the led to your bedroom. And the sex was never disappointing either. Javier Peña truly was the best friend, husband, and lover.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The exam room had become a familiar place by this point and there was no hesitation anymore to pulling down your pants and clambering onto the small bed. Javier sat at your side, his hand automatically reaching for yours as the doctor came into the room.

“Good morning,” she grinned at the two of you, “how are you feeling lately, Mrs. Peña?”

“I’ve been good,” you promised, “it definitely feels easier this time around, but I guess after the first two, you kind of just get used to it. I’ve just been tired a lot, but otherwise everything’s fine. I guess the only thing really is I feel like I’m a bit bigger this time around…i-is that okay?”

“Of course,” she didn’t seem concerned in the slightest which put you at ease, “every pregnancy is different as is every baby. We’ll get a good look at everything today, and we can even find out what you’re having, if you’d like.”

“Yes,” the two of you said at the same time as she laughed.

“We have a little bet,” you explained, “he thinks it’ll be a girl and I think it’s a boy.”

“Well, let’s get started then and find out!”

Despite being almost sure that everything was fine and your baby was healthy, you always worried something would go wrong. It’s like you never wanted to set yourself up for disappointment. Javier could tell you were nervous from how tightly you squeezed his hand and he gently rubbed his thumb across your knuckles. It seemed like a small eternity from when she’d spread the cool jelly on your stomach and moved the wand around to when you’d really seen anything on the screen. But then that sound that always put you at ease came through in the form of a small but strong heartbeat. 

You let out a small breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in and looked over at Javier. His eyes were fixated on the monitor, but his hold on you was tight.

“Everything’s okay?” you asked softly as she moved the wand around, but didn’t say anything at first. Your heart immediately dropped into your stomach, “i-is something wrong?”

“No, no,” her brow was furrowed but she kept moving the wand, like she was trying to figure something out. You waited in tense silence as you tried to figure out what you were looking for, but then...something changed. The sound of your baby’s heartbeat was different now, “nothing is wrong, but it looks like…well, it looks like someone has been hiding and didn’t want to be seen until now.”

“I…what?” you turned to look at Javier who was just as confused and shrugged lightly.

“You’re not having a single baby,” she moved to point at the screen, “you’re having two babies - twins. There’s one here and the other one has been tucked back here. But there they are, two healthy looking babies with strong heartbeats.”

“Two?” Javier asked, his expression falling between excitement and nervous and terrified all at once, “twins…you’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” she grinned at his shell-shocked expression, “here is baby number one, that's the one we’ve been seeing. And this is baby number two, the one that’s been hiding from us. Everything looks good with both of them. The real question is - do you want to know which one of you was right?”

“Yeah,” your voice cracked as you tried to hold back your tears. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. There was so much going on at once that it was hard not to be overwhelmed. You were somewhere between shock and awe that you didn’t quite know what to think or feel, “I still want to prove him wrong.”

“The good news is that neither of you were wrong,” Javier made a small sound in the back of throat as a few tears ran down your cheeks, “you’re having a girl but you’re also having a boy.”

“One of each?” your voice sounded small as she nodded, “twins.”

“Twins,” she confirmed as you turned to Javier, giving his hand a tight squeeze, “I’m sure it’s a lot to take in right now, but if you have any questions or anything, feel free to let me know. I’m just a call or visit away. And I know…well, it’s a lot for some. And they only want one more child, or whatever the reason is. I hope that this isn’t something you didn’t want.”

“No, we’re…this is just surprising,” you swiped at your teary eyes with the back of your hand, “we were trying for a long time for this. I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen, but when I’d kind of given up hope is when I realized I was pregnant. And now it’s two of them…it’s definitely wonderful.” 

“I’m happy for both of you,” she wrote a few things in your chart before going to print some of the grainy black and white ultrasound pictures. It didn’t matter that they were hard to decipher and just looked like little beans - they were your beans, “this will be a breeze for you. You did so well with the others. Well, I’ll leave you to get changed - I’d like to see you again in a few weeks, just to keep an eye on everything.”

Once she left the two of you, you slowly sat up, pulling on your pants, in stunned silence. 

“Baby,” Javier kneeled down so he was eye level with you, gently taking your face in his hands, “is this okay? Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” you promised softly, leaning into his touch and pressing a kiss to his palm, “I know it’s going to be a lot with twins, but I can’t help but feel like…this is what we’ve been waiting for to complete our family. I…what about you, Javi? Is this what you want?”

“Dulzura,” he leaned in so he was almost kissing you, “you are everything I’ve always wanted. You and our family; the home we’ve made, the children we have…all of it. It’s because of you. I never once thought I could ever have anything like this or deserve it…but then you came along and changed all of that. So yes, the answer to your question is yes. I want everything with you.”

“Javier,” you looked at him with the sweetest eyes that almost made him melt into a puddle then and there, “that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I love you beyond measure.”

“And I you,” he kissed you gently, wiping away all the tears that had pearled up and slid down your cheeks, “don’t cry, baby. I’ve got you.”

“It’s the hormones,” you laughed, “double the hormones, I don’t even know if that’s true but for all intent and purposes it is. I’m feeling extra sappy.”

“Come on,” he helped you get off the exam table, “I don’t even know where to begin, there’s so much to do…We have to tell the family - the kids - friends. We…we need a bigger house. I’ve got to figure out my teaching schedule…I can even take a semester off and stay home with you and the kids…and your maternity leave. And then there’s-”

“Javier,” you shut him up with a saccharine little kiss, “calm down, my love. We’ll figure it out; we’ve got plenty of time. We always figure it out.”

“Together.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you placed plates on the table, along with silverware and napkins, while he finished off dinner. You’d cooked dinner together, deciding that tonight was the night you were going to tell Lucia and Diego that they were getting a brother and sister, “I’m okay, Javier. I’m not going to break if I do anything, I’m not that fragile.”

“I know,” he admitted with a small sigh, bringing the food over to the table. You put your hands on his forearms and turned him to look at you, “I just worry. I don’t know what I’d if something happened-”

“Cállate Javier,” you effectively cut him off with a kiss, “everything is okay, mi amor. I’m healthy, the babies are fine, and you know if I need help with anything or something feels off I would tell you right away. We’re fine. Okay?”

“Okay,” he exhaled slowly, placing a small kiss to your forehead, his hand gently stroking our belly before turning to call the kids for dinner, “you ready to tell them?”

“It’s not them I’m worried about, it’s everyone else,” you laughed as Lucia toddled in, dragging Diego along with her, “hi, my little loves. I hope you’re hungry because daddy and I made your favorites for dinner and dessert.”

“Can we have dessert first?” Lucia’s big brown eyes widened in excitement as she turned to Javi. You knew - it was obvious to anyone - that she had him wrapped around her little finger. You raised an eyebrow at him as he offered up a sheepish smile, bending down to pick her up. 

“Sorry mija,” he kissed the top of her head as he sat her down at the table, following suit with Diego, “dinner first so you eat at least one vegetable before dessert.”

“Fine,” she huffed lightly, pouting in a way that always reminded you of Javier. 

“You’ll survive,” you ruffled her hair before the two of you took a seat and fixed their plates. It had become harder and harder as your pregnancy progressed to sit at the table and remain comfortable. You felt almost ridiculously large sometimes, especially when it came to getting up after sitting down or sleeping; but you had Javi to help you whenever you needed, even if he did like to tease you. 

“Mama, when will the baby be there?” she asked, as you and Javier exchanged an amused glance, “I want a sister.”

“I want a brother,” Diego insisted quietly, as he and Lucia both nodded. Your fork was halfway to your mouth before Javi gently nudged your foot under the table. You gave him a small might as well look before stuffing your mouthful so he had to deliver the news. It wasn’t that you weren’t excited to share this with them, but you also didn’t want either of them to feel like they loved any less. Each of them were special to you, and you loved them more than anything. 

“Well,” the little ones turned to him attentively, “what if we told you that you’re both getting what you wanted?”

“How can we get both?” Diego’s eyes widened in question as you laughed lightly. 

“Sometimes, when you get a new baby in the family you get two babies at the same time,” Javier was clearly struggling to explain this to them as you tried to contain your giggles, “so mama’s not having one baby, but two babies. And you’re getting both a little brother and little sister.”

“At the same time?!”

“At the same time,” you gave Javi’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, “there’s going to be two new little ones in our family. So daddy and I are going to need help from the two of you, if you’re up to it since you’re going to be the best big sister and brother. You’ll get to meet them very soon. But we want you, our sweet Lucia and gentle Diego, to know that we love you both so, so much. That’s never going to change, yeah?”

“You two will always be just as important to us,” Javier agreed, “you are the important things in the world to us.”

“We know,” Lucia waved him off as she continued eating, her brother nodding and following suit, “don’t get too mushy!”

Javier couldn’t help but laugh as you just sighed in amusement at how laid back and relaxed they were. It eased the nerves you had been feeling about breaking the news to them. Javi leaned over and gave you a small kiss before whispering in your, “that was much easier than expected.”

You nodded before grinning at the three of them. Your little family was far from perfect, but you couldn’t be happier. There was nothing you needed besides them.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I can’t believe we did it,” you said triumphantly, planting the last bulb in the newly created garden. The backyard of your new home was large; perfect for your little garden, the playsets for the kids, Javier’s little hobbies, and plenty of room for the dogs, “moved in, unpacked, and settled. And all before the twins.” 

“Mhmm,” Javier kissed the top of your head, watering the flowers that you’d planted. You were nearing the end of your pregnancy, but still had about a month to go. Realistically you knew they could come any time since twins usually came early, but you pushed that to the back of your head. Everything was fine for now. But Javier had most decidedly not pushed that to the back of his mind. He’d taken time off from work, to deal with the move and to be with you, and he’d been watching you like a hawk. You appreciated it and liked having him with you, but sometimes it felt overwhelming, “you alright, Dulzura? It’s hot out today.”

“Javier,” you turned to look at him, reaching up to put your finger through his belt loop and giving him a gentle tug, “I’m perfectly fine. I’m just tired, but that’s not a new story.”

“If you insist,” he gave you the up and down before making a small sound in the back of his throat, “you should take it easy though.”

“I know you’re being this way because you care, but right now I feel so...smothered,” you sighed lightly, “please. Just give me some room to breathe.” 

“Okay,” he agreed, the corners of his mouth turned into a slight frown, “I know…I’m sorry. I just…I love you.”

“I know,” you promised softly, “I know. I love you too. Now there is one thing you can do for me.”

“Hmm?”

“Help me up,” you grinned as you held your hands out to him, “otherwise I’ll be down here forever.”

“Of course,” he took your hands and gently helped hoist you to your feet. You let out a sigh of relief as you rubbed your sore back, “alright?”

“Yes,” you kissed his cheek, “I’m going to go inside and make some lunch. You hungry, love?”

“Starving,” he teased, his tone suggesting something different altogether. He reached down and gave your bum a light smack as you turned to head back inside. You giggled before giving him a gentle shove, “I’ll be inside soon. Holler if you need me.”

You padded back inside, relishing in the cool relief of the house. You couldn’t help but grin as you looked around. The new house was bigger than your first home together, with plenty of room for the kids now and as they grew. It was even closer to Chucho, which you were sure would come in handy when the two of you needed a break. The fact that everything was done in time for the new arrivals was nothing short of a miracle. You had Javi to thank for that; he had worked so hard to make sure everything was ready and perfect. 

You made it about halfway down the hall to change out of your dirty, sweaty clothes when you felt a spasm of pain ripple through your middle. 

“Oh,” you leaned against the wall to steady yourself. Before you could even call for Javier, you felt warmth run down your legs before you heard a few drops of liquid hit the floor. 

“Dulzura?” you heard him close the sliding door as he came in search of you, “want to take a shower and change before we have lunch - oh.”

“I don’t think we have time for either,” you tried to keep calm as he rushed over to you, “I, ummm, I think my water broke.”

“Yeah,” he nodded as he looked you over, offering you his hand, which you eagerly took, “alright, well, we’re going to get you to hospital first and foremost.”

“I don’t want to go,” your voice sounded small and nervous as you shook your head, “I’m not ready, Javi.”

“Well, Dulzura, we’ve got to get you to the hospital,” his voice was soft, “they’re going to come one way or another, might as well be in a place with nurses and doctors.”

“I-I’m nervous,” you confessed as he helped you down the hall to get into something more comfortable and grab the hospital bag before going, “I…what if I’m not ready?”

“Honey,” he took your face in his hands before gently giving you a soft kiss, “we’ve - you’ve done this already. You did so great the first two times, this will be a breeze. You’re so strong, so brave. It will be a piece of cake.”

“Cake sounds good,” a few tears ran down your cheeks as he laughed before wiping them away.

“I’ll get you some cake as soon as I can baby,” he promised, “but first, unfortunately, you’re going to have to hang tight and be strong for a little longer. Can you do that for me, Dulzura? I know you can, my gorgeous girl.”

“Will you stay with me?” your lips trembled as you tried to calm down, “please don’t leave me, Javier.”

“I’ll be right by your side the whole time,” he nodded as he helped you to change, “once we get to the hospital I’ll call Papa and have him pick up the kids from school. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed, “okay. I love you, Javier. Thank you for staying with me.”

“As if that was ever a question,” he chuckled as he slipped on your shoes, placing a gentle kiss to your knee, “alright baby, you’re ready to go.”

“I can’t believe I wanted this,” you huffed at yourself as you slowly made your way out of the room as Javi grabbed the hospital bag, “I can’t believe I wanted to get pregnant again. I can’t believe you got me pregnant again. You’re never touching me again after this, Javier Peña.”

“I know,” he was grinning to himself, leading out to the car, “I’m the worst. I’ll take full blame for this. I’ll never touch you again.”

“Well…maybe you can touch me,” you pouted at him, “but no more babies.”

“I always told you, whatever you want mi amor,” he opened the door and helped you down the stairs, “I love you.”

“I know,” you wiped away the tears that never seemed to end, “I love you too. Are you sure we have to go?”

“Honey.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” you couldn’t stop yourself from hugging him tightly, as well as you could anyway, “we’ll be okay. We can do this. We’ve done it before and can do it again.”

“There’s my girl.”

[crispychrissy]

Connected - Part 4

Summary: Dr. Austin's theory is put to the test, and she shows Tony, Bucky, and Steve the woman behind the mystery. Pairing: Eventual Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 2976 Warnings: Angst, medical stuff, stretching the medical science behind the super soldier serum, discussion of Bucky's previous trauma & a mention of the horrible things the Nazi's did A/N: I apologize for the late posting, I fell asleep so hard last night I didn't have a chance to queue this, and then I was out all day (good 14 hours out and about) so I am just now able to post the new chapter since I'm home now. As I mentioned in a prior post, I no longer have a forever taglist, but I will still tag series specific people if they request. You can also follow this story & others on my Ao3 as well. The series was beta’d by the lovely @idjitmonkey and I hope you enjoy! Please send me an ask if you would like to be tagged in the series. :)

Series Masterlist – Marvel Masterlist

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Bucky made a quick call to Shuri who, after a thorough interrogation as to why he was asking, assured him his arm would not be affected by the magnets of an MRI machine. So now, Bucky was laying down on his back inside the machine and staring at the small glass covered camera embedded in the inside curve of the plastic above him.

“Stop staring at the camera, Barnes, you’re giving off some crazy resting murder face right now,” Tony’s staticky voice came through the pair of disposable earbuds he was wearing to protect his hearing from the noise of the scan. “Might sell these scans to Ripley’s Believe It or Not. You actually do have something going on in that head of yours.”

“As much as I know you want to answer, Sergeant Barnes, please do not speak or move,” Dr. Austin’s voice came through after what sounded like a small scuffle for the microphone.

Bucky blinked several times in an unnatural yet controlled fashion, and when he heard Steve’s laughter coming through the earbuds, he had to fight the urge to smile, knowing Steve got the message he blinked out in Morse code.

F-U-C-K Y-O-U T-O-N-Y

The scan was over almost a half an hour later, and Bucky couldn’t hide his exhale of relief once the table began to slide out of the massive scanner. Confined spaces still made his skin crawl and flash back to the cryo tube he was kept in, but the MRI was surprisingly open in design and not like the ones he usually remembered seeing in hospitals. When he brought it up to Dr. Austin on their way back to her office, she smiled at him and explained most of the soldiers they treat have PTSD and claustrophobia, so an open MRI design was necessary for the comfort of the patients she treats.

It made sense, and when they entered her office and Bucky’s stomach growled for the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes, she tossed him the orange he’d been eyeing earlier before taking a seat at her desk and flipping open her laptop.

“Normally we have to wait for the images to be reviewed by a radiologist, but I’m well versed in how to read brain scans,” Dr. Austin explained, clicking a few times before leaning forward to study the screen. “Oh, wow.”

“What?” Bucky asked, using his teeth to bite a chunk of the orange’s peel off since his right hand didn't have nails long enough, and his left didn’t have nails at all. Once he could see the flesh of the orange underneath, he slid his flesh finger under the remaining peel and began to remove it in large pieces, trying to avoid getting sticky juice on his metal hand.

Dr. Austin spun her laptop around to show Bucky the image on her screen. It was a scan of his head, he could tell that, but the mess of swirling bright colors on the inside where his brain was made his eyes hurt. There were bright greens and blues swirled with more vibrant reds and pinks dancing around inside the image. “This is your brain.”

“Looks more like those posters… the ‘this is your brain on drugs’ pictures if they were made in the sixties, Doc,” Tony said. “I’m guessing it’s not supposed to look like that?”

“No. There’s so much brain activity that it’s likely what’s been burning through your energy and why you’ve been hungry all the time,” Dr. Austin explained. “Any type of brain activity, including emotions and problem solving, requires energy, whether it’s planning a complex strategy of attack for a mission or a simple math problem or crying at a sad part in a movie. Overworking the mind usually leads to tiredness, which leads to sleep, naturally refreshing those energy reserves. Most humans don’t expend enough energy, even when the brain is very active, to require major replenishment. Take Mr. Stark for example.”

Tony looked up and raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“Yes, you’re a very intelligent man, and I’m guessing that when you’re elbow deep in your inventions or developing something, you don’t sleep and will go days without rest… so you find you get somewhat hungry at random times, right?” Dr. Austin asked.

“Well, yeah, I usually keep snacks around the lab that I nibble on so I don’t have to leave to make an actual meal. It ruins the momentum,” Tony said, confusion in his voice. “Pep’s found me passed out over the kitchen counter halfway through making a sandwich.

“Your body shut down and went to sleep before you were even able to replenish that energy via food since sleep is more efficient. So, that is a normal human mind.” Tony opened his mouth to protest, when Dr. Austin rolled her eyes and switched analogies. “Fine, that’s a standard engine, if you will, that can easily be refueled by a small energy source for a limited amount of time before it needs to be shut down and rebooted,” Dr. Austin said, slowly twirling her right pointer finger in a circle.

“Alright, I’m following you so far.” Tony’s head was slightly moving along with the circular rotation of her finger.

“Now, in the case of our super soldiers here, imagine that engine, but amplified almost five hundred percent,” Dr. Austin began to rotate her finger faster and faster until it was a blur of movement. “The need for sleep is suppressed by the serum, since alertness is crucial in combat, so that reboot requirement is easier to put off. In order to keep this kind of engine going at the same speed and level of activity for prolonged periods, it would burn through a small snack, or a small source of energy, too quickly and would signal the driver of the car, if you will, that it needed more.”

“So you’re saying that something is making Bucky’s brain so active, and he’s burning through so much energy, that it’s manifesting as hunger to make sure he keeps up with what’s being expended?” Steve asked, his mouth slightly open in shock. “I mean, I always remember being hungry after mission strategy and planning meetings, but I just assumed it was because I was bored or had skipped a meal.”

Dr. Austin shook her head. “Nope. You were using your brain in overdrive, doing quick calculations and mission scenarios in your head to find the best possible plan of action, much faster than any normal human brain would be able to calculate. It makes you an excellent strategist, but that kind of brain power burns a lot of energy.”

Bucky snorted in disbelief and leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “It makes sense. I was a good sniper when I was first in the Army during the war, but after Zola… after he injected me with that bastardized version of the serum… I could calculate trajectory angles and wind velocities and distances in my head in seconds, didn’t have to write them out to do the calculations. Didn’t even need a spotter anymore.”

Dr. Austin nodded. “Exactly. The serum allowed you extra mental acuity at the expense of more energy consumption.”

“But that doesn’t explain why Bucky’s brain is lit up like a psychedelic Christmas tree,” Tony said, gesturing to the laptop image. “Barnes obviously isn’t doing any kind of advanced calculus in his head right now.” Tony looked at Bucky. “You’re not right?” Bucky shook his head and Tony continued, “so why is his brain so active?”

“And that leads me to my theory about Y/N,” Dr. Austin said, standing up from her chair. “Follow me, gentlemen. And Sergeant Barnes,” he looked over and raised a brow as he trailed after her into the hallway, “please let me know if you feel any increased feelings of hunger or exhaustion. The effects might come on quickly, so please let me know if, or when, you feel anything.”

Bucky nodded, and looked over to where Steve was walking to his right. Thanks to their childhood friendship, Steve could always see anxiety and nervousness in Bucky even when he tried to hide it, like when he saw Bucky off the morning he shipped off to Europe. Bucky kept his face stoic, but when Steve hugged him goodbye, Bucky was practically trembling under the Army-hardened mask he had worn then.

Steve reached over and clasped a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder, giving him a squeeze of reassurance.

The doctor led them down several hallways, until they reached another wing of the military hospital which held secure patient rooms that could be locked down if necessary, whether due to outbursts of violence due to psychological issues from recovering soldiers or to hold prisoners who had been injured and needed medical intervention. Dr. Austin stopped in front of a room at the end of the hallway and gestured to the one-way mirror in front of her.

“Gentlemen, meet Y/N Y/L/N.”

The three men stepped closer and looked into the room, all eyes frozen on the figure sitting upright in the hospital bed. Y/N had shoved herself in the farthest possible corner of the bed, her knees tucked under her chin and arms wrapped around her legs. The photo in her file, and even the video of her they’d seen looked nothing like the woman before them. She looked almost emaciated, her skin a sickly pale that was almost translucent, and her stringy grease matted hair twitched slightly as her body trembled.

“Jesus,” Steve breathed. “She… she looks like those prisoners… the ones—”

Bucky swallowed and nodded. “From Natzweiler, yeah, I remember.” Bucky took a deep breath, fighting against the telltale tingle in his mind of a long since forgotten memory beginning to rise up like a wave. “Doc… is she eating?”

“She was when she first got here, but only if the food was left for her after she passed out from exhaustion,” Dr. Austin explained. “Now, ever since things have escalated, she rips out her IV’s, pulls out NG tubes, and refuses any food we bring her. I’m not going to sedate her just because it’ll make it easier to feed her, we haven’t reached that level of intervention yet, but we’re getting close. She told one of our staff yesterday, in Russian, that she was not going to eat any of our poisoned food, that she wasn’t some kind of lab experiment and that we were animals for not just shooting her in the head to get it over with.”

All of the air in Bucky’s lungs came out in one hard breath like he’d been punched in the chest, and he had to brace himself against the windowsill to keep his knees from buckling. “Fuck.”

“Bucky?” Steve gasped at Bucky’s sudden weakness, grabbing onto his friend’s arm and placing a gentle hand on his back. ”What? Are you feeling the stuff Dr. Austin mentioned?”

Bucky grit his teeth and closed his eyes at the onslaught of memory fragments bombarding him. “No, I’m… I don’t know, maybe? I just… she’s…” Bucky’s thoughts were so jumbled he could barely form a coherent sentence, even in his head. He made a choked off noise that sounded more like a sob before he lifted his head to look at Y/N. “She’s reliving my captivity with Hydra. This… this was after I was transferred from the facility the Russians held me in after they found me to the one where Zola did his experiments. They were, umm, they were testing the limits of the serum, trying to figure out what I could survive.”

Steve’s face dropped and he took a sharp breath in. Bucky’s captivity and torture was not something he talked about often outside his therapy sessions. Steve only knew a handful of stories, ones that had come directly from Bucky’s mouth, and even then they were very hard stories for him to tell—lots of starting and stopping, frequent breaks, and plenty of tears. But here, with two extra people with him, and one being a stranger?

“Buck, you don’t have to talk about it,” Steve whispered.

“No, I need… she said exactly what I said to the guards who brought me food one day.” Bucky swallowed hard, flexing his fingers against the painted metal of the windowsill, the cold against his flesh hand grounding him. “They were testing different poisons and how the serum would fight it off… arsenic, ricin, even different kinds of snake and spider venom. I had seizures, strokes, and my heart stopped so many times I lost count.”

“Fucking hell,” Tony murmured, leaning against the wall behind them, his face a few shades paler than it was ten minutes ago. “Y/N is reliving your memories, reliving your life.”

“We need to find a way to pull her out of this,” Bucky said, straightening up with determination even though his bones felt like liquid and his mind was full of numbing static. If Y/N was reliving his life, even if it didn’t seem like the moments were in order, he knew it was only a matter of time until she would experience how the Winter Soldier was born, how he was forged, and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Dr. Austin nodded and looked back at her patient through the glass. “If my theory is correct, which I believe it is based on your shared memories and brain scans, Y/N’s mind has somehow melded with yours. And your memories, powered by your mind’s energy, have somehow taken over hers, suppressing her personality completely. I don’t know if it was some kind of dormant mutant ability that was activated by the trauma of her captivity and torture, or something else… but there is obviously some kind of link between the two of you that we don’t have the technology to test for and verify. You’re essentially feeding her your memories, which is why your brain is lit up like that and why you’re expending so much energy.”

“It’s like she’s stuck inside one of Stark’s virtual reality headsets and can’t take it off, experiencing everything I went through while my brain keeps playing her different…” Bucky trailed off and his eyes widened before his head snapped to look at Y/N through the glass.

In a flash of movement, Bucky grabbed Dr. Austin’s ID badge from where it was clipped onto her white coat and darted for the door to Y/N’s room, scanning the badge so the door opened with a green light and soft click. Bucky, ignoring the shouts of his name and hands trying to grab at him to pull him back, opened the door and shut it firmly behind him, engaging the door’s auto-lock safety feature that he knows secure wings of hospitals have. The group outside would need to find another ID badge to get in, which would buy him some time.

Y/N’s wide and terrified eyes settled on him, and she tilted her head in an almost confused dog-like fashion, her eyes softening with an air of familiarity. Bucky could feel the hunger gnawing at his stomach turn into sharp cramps that almost made him double over, and there was a soft circle of darkness starting to creep in around his vision.

Bucky took three large steps forward, and even though she flinched away at his sudden movement, Y/N didn’t scramble away to try and avoid his hands as he lifted them. Her weary bloodshot eyes were full of unshed tears, and the closer Bucky’s hands got to her face, the more she began to tremble.

“You’re safe,” he whispered to her in Russian, before repeating the same sentiment in English.

The moment his fingers, both flesh and metal, touched the skin on either side of her face, it felt like he was on the wrong side of an attack from Thor’s hammer. Whatever weakness and hunger he’d been feeling was burned out of his body at the sheer shock cascading through his entire being. It didn’t hurt, but it was bordering on wildly uncomfortable, and Bucky was afraid he’d never be able to let go, his hands stuck to Y/N like a magnet.

There was something different passing between them, more than what touch alone could provide. Trying to understand everything that was happening was overwhelming, but when Bucky focused, he could almost feel Y/N inside his mind, like another whisper of a presence, a ghost in his consciousness. When he reached out in his head for her where he’d felt the ghost of her presence, he was assaulted with bursts of memories he knew were not his own, images of unfamiliar people, places, and things flashing in his mind like photographs. Bucky's curiosity was almost childlike, awestruck and trying to understand what his brain was comprehending, sorting through what Y/N was showing him.

The more information Bucky absorbed, the darker each memory became until it felt like he was wading through molasses, each image being harder and harder to move past. A hoarse whisper of “No” echoed in his mind, and Bucky couldn’t tell if it was his own voice or Y/N’s.

A solid arm wrapped around Bucky’s middle, one much more firm than human flesh would be, and pulled him backward until his hands dropped from Y/N’s face, breaking whatever connection had refused to release him when he’d touched her. Reality came rushing back, and the room and people around him flashed into existence, the change in environment and sound disorienting him and leaving him panting for breath, his knees wobbling.

“She…” Bucky looked over at Y/N, who was just as distressed, and watched her collapse onto the bed, unconscious, before his vision blacked out and darkness took him as well.

***

Connected Tags: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @that-one-gay-girl @fanofalltheficsx @joseyrw @lana-writes-04 @gia-25 @klanceiscannon14 @ahahafudge

[butwhatifidothis]

3H and Bleach: Where the Fuck am I

So, I’m finally hunkering down and trying to write out this post lmao. I’ve mentioned here and there how my personal experience with the 3H’s fandom is similar to my experience with the Bleach fandom’s in more than one way, and - look. Like, I get there’s definitely a semi-universal thing that goes on across all fandoms. I don’t mean for this to say that this only happens within these two fandoms, because duh, of course they don’t. But!! This post is partly me wanting to air years long annoyance towards the Bleach fandom that just so happens to coincide with my feelings towards the 3H fandom, sooo... yeah lmao

I’ll probably be skimming over some bits about 3H, since most people who come across this will already be familiar with what I’d be talking about in that regard vs Bleach, so just a heads up

Note: This is gonna talk about Bleach which will spoiler territory (writing this off the cuff so not sure where this is goin’ yet lmao but I know that much), so if you don’t wanna see that then don’t read this post lol, I know for sure I’ll be spoiling something ahhhh... noticeable, lol

Ableism against the mentally ill

Now, most people reading this post will be familiar with the blog and how this very, very much applies to 3H, but for the sake of this post I’ll lay it out anyway with a brief summary

Dimitri and Rhea are both characters within 3H that suffer from severe trauma that heavily impacts their mental state. Both are the sole survivors of a horrific slaughter, with that slaughter redefining who they are and leaving a permanent marker within their minds in some way (Dimitri with having auditory and visual hallucinations, Rhea with having obsessive tendencies towards bringing her mother back from the dead). Specifically in CF, both characters are set up in the plot as antagonists, with both characters having to relive their trauma in some way due to the actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them (for Dimitri, having his home be razed to the ground and everyone he cares for dying around him, for Rhea having someone use her mother’s mutilated remains be used to end her and her race) and express extreme anger towards Byleth and Edelgard before they are killed to progress/end the story

Now, uh, sad shit right? Not exactly fuckin’ happy sunshine rainbows. These two characters are put through the wringer and are then murdered. They are rightfully not the fuckin’ happiest because of what happened to them before and what happens to them within the present story. But we’ve heard it all before: “They were crazy!” “They couldn’t be reasoned with!” “They had to be put down out of mercy because they were too ~far gone~ to live happily!” “They needed to be killed for the good of everyone!” It’s an extremely ableist rhetoric that gets passed around the fandom as though it’s totally fine to directly state that mentally ill people should be put down if they’re deemed a “lost cause.” Especially worrying because. You know. If they are a “”””lost cause”””” then it’s directly and specifically because of actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them. 

But how does this remind me of Bleach? What kind of similar extreme, worrying ableism exists there? Well, let me introduce to best girl a certain character with... a reputation, to say the least:

Meet Momo Hinamori.

Holy shit it’s so weird writing this out because I’ve been wanting to for years but have never worked up the nerve to do it lol

It should be noted, in the Bleach verse there’s two worlds out of three - Soul Society and Hueco Mundo, though I’ll only be talking of the former - that deal with “souls” (the essence within a living human). Souls age far more slowly than human bodies do in terms of body, not necessarily the mind (so a teenage soul will likely behave as such for a long while) so keep in mind that I’m going to be using numbers that may seem weird to someone who hasn’t seen Bleach lol.  With that out of the way, here’s a similar, if longer for context to those who haven’t seen Bleach, summary for Momo’s character as it relevant to this post:

Momo is a character in Bleach that grows a deep admiration towards Sosuke Aizen, a respected captain of the military force called the Gotei 13. She comes to views him as the most important person in her world due to him both noticing and paying direct attention to her as well as saving her and her friends’ lives during a training mission gone wrong while she was younger. Note that “younger” here means 40 years ago from the start of the story. Aizen would praise her all the time, allow her to sleep over in his quarters, would drape his cloaks over her when she looked cold, and would overall treat Momo as though he was his daughter for most of the time we see them interact in the beginning portions of the show. Note that none of this is sexual in nature, nor is it ever implied to be seen as such. That’ll be important later in this post

To make a long story short, Aizen comes to betray her. He stabs her through the chest and shows and tells her that she never meant anything to him, throughout the 40 years they’ve known each other (which, mind, for a soul Momo’s approximate age 40 years is still a noticeable amount of time), and he was only using her to help bolster his image as a loveable captain so that he can hide his plan from everybody that much easier. He did horrible things to Momo - from setting her alarm clock back to a later time so that she would more likely come across his pinned, bloody fake corpse. to framing her childhood friend for the apparent murder and tricking her into fighting that friend, to far later in the series tricking that friend into stabbing her (hypnosis shit, to sum that up) for literally no stated reason - that ended up mentally breaking her. She couldn’t believe that the last four decades were all nothing but lies and she fell into a deep denial about Aizen’s true nature - someone else made him do everything he did, she must have missed something that would have warned her about Captain Aizen’s unfortunate situation that forced Captain Aizen to hurt her and everyone else. This denial would take the majority of Bleach’s entire runtime for her to get over completely, with her having hiccups in her recovery even as she works up the nerve to fight him.

Now, uh, also not the fuckin’ funnest of times to be had here. The deep, long-running mental and psychological manipulation of what approximates as a teenage girl from a trusted older figure is something that is very clearly horrific and bad of the older figure, right? Like, we’re on the same page here on that?

This wouldn’t be in this post if that was the case. No, Momo was the one constantly on fire for what happened to her. She was one of the most hated characters in the western audience, and there were endless jokes about “lol look at Momo, the pincushion!” “Crazy bitch Momo, better watch out!” making fun of her and her trauma relentlessly. If you managed to find a Momo fan in the early 2000′s you should have also bought a lotto ticket because holy fuck, everyone hated her. She acted in a startlingly real if deeply uncomfortable way in regards to years long manipulation and she was lambasted for it. She didn’t immediately get over decades long psychological abuse and she was called useless, weak, a horrible representation of female characters, stupid - you name it, she was likely called it. To this day I still tense up when I hear that someone likes Bleach and they mention Momo at all because I’m always thinking “does this person think this abuse victim is dumb for being abused?”

Dimitri, Rhea, and Momo are all victim-blamed to a disgusting degree in the 3H and Bleach fandoms. Dimitri and Rhea are always hit with “well if Dimitri hadn’t have fought back against Edelgard/Rhea caused the “”tyranical systems” in the first place, nothing would have happened to them!” and Momo was constantly hit with” well, it’s not Aizen’s fault Momo was so clingy to him, what could he have done!” and I get so fuckin’ mad dude.

But for Dimitri and Momo specifically, there’s one thing in particular that caught my attention:

The “Rejection Theories”

This had my head spinnin’ a bit when I first heard it, cuz I had managed to avoid the theory for a while in the 3H’s fandom, but apparently a sizeable amount of people seem to believe that Dimitri wasn’t just mad at Edelgard in the Holy Tomb because of... you know *waves hand* fuckin’ everything, but that the primary reason for his anger was that Edelgard... rejected his advances to her? And that the dagger he gave to her when they were 13 was a phallic symbol of baby Mitri’s want to have sex with Edelgard? And. Like. What in the fuck are you talking about. 

But like?? Bleach did this shit too with Momo?? It was also a sizeable amount of people - not everyone, but a noticeable amount - that believed that Momo was just mad that Aizen wouldn’t sleep with her? You’d see it pop up in fics so often, that Momo would want Aizen to fuck her and she’d “go crazy” when he denied her and Momo was actually just this shallow bitch who wanted a good fuck like... what.

Like, when I first heard the Phallic Dagger take the first thing that came to mind is “wait Momo was also accused of just wanting to have sex with the person who traumatized her wtf” 

“Actually it was the perpetrators that should be forgiven because lonely and also some shit about ruling better”

Those in the 3H fandom know how often the “Edelgard was lonely!” line gets thrown by just about every one of her stans. Edelgard was lonely and couldn’t trust anyone, so of course she did what she did! If she had someone near her she could trust she wouldn’t have acted like she does in the rest of the game! Nevermind that she “gets” this in CF in the form of Byleth and still acts just as shittily as she does in the other routes, or how being a little lonely doesn’t fuckin’ mean you get to start war. But anyway, we also hear that Edelgard was justified in doing what she did because her ruling Fodlan would have lead to more peace in the end, once she got rid of the power structures in place now (except that doesn’t happen but whatev I guess lmao)

Aizen? He was lonely too! He was far too strong for anyone to truly be able to understand him, and so he tragically fell down a dark path. If he had known someone who could be considered an equal to him he would have never done all the horrible things he did. And the Soul Society is unjust! It needs to be reformed! So him slaughtering hundreds of thousands of souls at the minimum to harvest all of their power to use as his own is justified because it’ll be used to create a more just society under his rule!

Like. Y’all. Lowkey? I’m so fuckin’ glad Edelgard proved herself to be just as fuckin’ awful with Byleth as without because this shit drove me up the fuckin’ wall back in the day. There was 0 ways to prove that Aizen would damn sure be just as fuckin’ bad if he had an “”equal”” to stand by him than if he didn’t, and I get to kinda be right because without fundamentally changing these characters’ backstories they would not give two flying shits about whether or not they had someone “equal to them” (which is still kinda degrading to think about anyway).

Now, this is where I move away to a different topic lol

A split in the narrative cause divides in the fandom

With 3H houses this is really fuckin’ easy to point at: there’s 4 routes, three consistent stories and one radically different story, and that difference in story causes heavy contention within the fandom. It’s very obvious so I won’t go over it much.

But how in the fuck is there a divide in Bleach? It’s not a fuckin’ Choose Your Own Adventure manga, it’s an anime and manga showing off the characters of Bleach’s stories and interactions (with, you know, plot and shit thrown in).

Well. It’s more accurate to say the anime told a story about the characters, and the manga told... the story about the characters.

In terms of plot, the anime didn’t change much from the manga, but hoo fuckin’ boy, did they change shit about some of the characters. Specifically, they changed a shit ton about three characters: the two main protagonists, Ichigo and Rukia, and another main character, Orihime.

Orihime. Got. Fucked.

The anime would make her far more ditzy and clumsy, her crush (turned growing love later on in the story) for Ichigo during more deeper moments that showcases her feelings for him were downplayed if not removed entirely in exchange for talking or thinking about food, key moments she has with Ichigo early in the manga were cut or deadass changed to something else in the anime, some key moments with her relationship with Rukia were cut, her backstory was watered down - so much of Orihime was fucked with in the anime (her fuckin’ introduction was changed drastically). Meanwhile Ichigo and Rukia were given moments that didn’t exist in the manga, they have filler arcs (remember those lmao) that would be stuffed with shit ton of moments for them that have no basis in the manga, other characters would change their behavior from the manga to reflect a sort of “thing” going on between Ichigo and Rukia.

Look, guys, the anime fucked up so bad the fucking mangaka, Tite Kubo, has said he gets stomach aches watching the early anime because it was that awful. And this divide between the anime and manga’s portrayal of these three character helped spawn the ship war of Bleach: Ichiruki vs Ichihime (oh but more on that in a bit). It tanked Orihime’s popularity because people thought she was the stupid dumbass that would stumble ass first into situations when that wasn’t her character at all. And because the majority of anime watchers only watch the anime... yeah, you can see where this went. So just like in 3H in Bleach you have these radically different tellings of the same characters that drove a big-ass wedge in the fandom

Marketing

Imma be transparent, like I’ve said before I managed to avoid nearly every marketing tactic for 3H so it’s a tad hard for me to speak personally, but from what I’ve been told Edelgard was heavily marketed towards the player base pre-release. She was the poster child of 3H, she got the figma, she was in the spotlight - unless you cleansed your board of 3H content you knew exactly who she was. On top of that, it doesn’t stop in-game - loading screen messages would assume you picked BE, Adrestia is the first option to pick when you want to impress one of the lords in the prologue, the BE class is the first option to pick in choosing which route to play, every character has some moment in the game post ts where they express sympathy with the woman who waged war on them for five years (even characters with no business doing so, like Seteth entertaining the idea that maybe Edelgard isn’t that bad during Myrddin). With all of that good PR for Edelgard in and out of the game it heavily impacted how people saw her, and much of it is used by stans to justify her being a good guy (mostly in the game marketing) despite everything else in the game clearly showing that Edelgard is the bad guy

With Bleach in that regard... you have Ichiruki

holy shit it’s so weird talking about Ichiruki i’m still lowkey nervous about talking about them lmao

With Ichiruki stans, they would cling onto outside material that promoted Ichigo and Rukia together as proof that their ship was going to be canon. Spreadsheets, calendars, poems (some of which didn’t even apply to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship but they insisted they did anyway), novels - outside material that either wasn’t canon or didn’t pertain to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship. They would shove it in the face of Ichihime shippers that “see, we have all this stuff for us! We ain’t starving tonight!” when the canon (note: in the manga particularly) would clearly show Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship being the one that leans romantic in multiple significant ways. They would latch onto irrelevant shit that ain’t had nothin’ to do with anything and wave around as a paragon of romance when it literally wasn’t even canon

Just fuckin’ ignoring the creators deadass

Creators and developers of 3H: Edelgard is the typical Red Emperor the only difference is Girl

Stans: that’s just a headcanon

Kubo: Ichigo and Rukia have a platonic relationship and I’ve publicly said this since 2008

Stans, now, to this day: Ichigo and Rukia were robbed

Making people reject what they’re stanning for

I’ve seen a few people express that the more they interact with the fandom and see what her stans are doing, the more they grow to dislike Edelgard despite (some) initially liking or even loving her. To put it simply, the same thing happened with Ichiruki - hell, this happened with me with Ichiruki. I can’t fuckin’ stand the ship anymore because every time I think about it I’m reminded of the absolutely rancid, disgusting things Ichiruki stans have to done to others in the fandom, and even after nearly five years after Bleach has ended I still tense up when someone says they like Ichiruki over Ichihime precisely because of the behavior of the stans, just like I side-eye people who say Edelgard is the best lord. Do they like them because they simply prefer them over the other(s) and they’re not totally fuckin’ bonkers, or are they totally fuckin’ bonkers. 

And, like, that’s not fair! I know that! But I can’t help but think that when such a loud amount of people act in such deplorable ways just because someone didn’t like a bunch of lines on paper/pixels on a screen.

To all the nice Ichiruki and Edelgard fans, hope y’all are havin’ a nice day.

Long, crazy ass explanations as to why X =/= X (and if anything actually means Y)

Teacher theory for 3H. How Edelgard totally didn’t hire Kostas to kill Dimitri and Claude and was only thwarted because Claude booked it, but how she definitely actually meant to simply scare away the teacher that was with them so that Jeritza could be pulled from his already existing position in Garreg Mach to teach one class so that Edelgard can kinda keep a sorta closer eye on exactly one of the other classes (and just do shit all about the other one I guess), because Jertiza’d be able to gleam so much from teaching a class for a few hours a day I promise 

But for Bleach, you also have one particularly infamous theory positing shit that don’t real, with enough renown to be known by a specific name, and that’s the Lust Arc = Fail essay

To explain what the essay is about, I have to set the scene up a bit. Imagine, you, with your tiny little monkey brain, are watching Bleach, and you get to the part where Main Boyo is fighting against Villain to save Girly. Other Guy is there too - this is important. Main Boyo tries his hardest to fight Villain, but is ultimately shot through the fucking chest with a laser from Villain and dies. Like, for bit actually dies. Girly breaks down, has a straight up mental breakdown because she always “knew” that Main Boyo could do anything, and now he’s been killed and is dead in front of her. She screams out Main Boyo’s name, hysterically begging him to save her and protect her because holy shit the love of her life has been brutally murdered in front of her what the fuck. But Main Boyo, from literally beyond the line of death, hears her pleas and snaps back to life as a monster, with the sentence “I MUST PROTECT” repeatedly running through his head and being the only sentence he ever says while in this form, with him fucking destroying Villain and even going so far as to directly hurt Other Guy when Other Guy tries to stop Main Boyo from utterly stomping on Villain. Girly is the only person Main Boyo does not directly hurt, and when Villain is damn sure gonna fuckin’ kick the bucket that is when Main Boyo reverts back human. Everyone is more than a little shocked at what happened, but it’s clear from how relieved Girly is when Main Boyo comes back safe and sound that while this event fundamentally will change their relationship (and it does), it is still one that is extremely strong and they won’t let it get between them (and they don’t).

Now, when looking at the summary, you, with your absolutely miniscule peanut of a brain, might come away thinking, “Hm, Main Boyo might kinda care for Girly given that he literally rose from the dead to protect her and only her and went back to normal once she was safe” and you poor fool would be oh so wrong, because actually, this is all proof that Mian Boyo doesn’t care for Girly and that Villain actually cared more for Girly than Main Boyo ever could.

Without diving too deeply into the absolute lunacy of the Lust Arc = Fail essay, that was its main premise. That Ichigo, after rising from the literal dead directly after Orihime begged and pleaded that he protect and save her and then going on to protect and save specifically her (as Uryu - Other Guy - is also a friend of Ichigo’s and got his fucking arm cut off by Monster!Ichigo), is proof against Ichihime being romantic in any way and was not, in fact, a fuckin’ giant neon flashing sign that read THESE TWO ARE GONNA GET TOGETHER. It was the dumbest shit ever, but Ichiruki stans, much like Edelstans with Teacher Theory, clung to it like white on rice. It didn’t matter how much it was utterly debunked, it didn’t matter how the base premise was stupid as fuck, they point to it as the pinnacle of meta for their respective fandoms in their respective spaces.

And all of this leads me to um... the one I’m kinda the most worried about?

Stan Behavior

Edelstans are their own unique brand of awful in that that the shit they spew is particularly... worrying (”genocide isn’t bad if they aren’t human and also they kinda deserved it” “imperialism isn’t that bad really” the mentally ill should be put down if they’re deemed ~too far gone~” among other... wonderful takes...), and their behavior is also quite shitty, harassing content creators that go against the Approved Opinions (Ghast) or forcing people to take down fanart and in general infecting nearly every Rhea space with all kinds of disparaging comments no one asked for. They actively make the fandom a worse space, and when they flare up it’s almost always noticeable (again, Ghast)

Bleach?

Oh boy.

Guys. If you weren’t there for the Canonization of Ichihime (2016). You dodged a fucking bullet.

The outrage was out-fuckin’-rageous. Their behavior was some of the worst reactions anyone has ever seen come from the canonization of a ship in a shounen. This includes, but is not limited to:

Someone tearing apart all 70+ volumes of Bleach and burning it in their bathroom

In fact, multiple people tearing up Bleach and burning it, while keeping the Ichiruki moments and taping it to their walls

A Rukia cosplayer, in Rukia cosplay, printing out the final color spread of the end-game couples and their friends lounging about - with colored ink and all - and burning it, while filming herself doing so

Ichiruki porn being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being accused of grooming a 15 Orihime cosplayer with no proof

Tite Kubo being accused of lying about his various health issues

Ichigo and Rukia being drawn cheating on their spouses with each other - and some of that also being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being chased off Twitter by Ichiruki stans... again

Ichihime shippers getting sent death threats

Ichihime shippers getting called delusional for thinking their ship had a chance before the endgame couples were revealed, and then being called delusional for thinking their ship had any real basis and wasn’t pulled “out of nowhere”

Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because of Orihime being shown in an apron in the last chapter and Ichiruki stans jumping to the conclusion she became a housewife, and then Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because when it was revealed that Orihime has a job in a bakery to pay for college later they insisted what Kubo should have done was have Uryu, who’s a doctor at that point, pay for Orihime’s college instead of having Orihime pay for it with her own money 

And mind you, this is only the stuff I’ve personally seen and experienced

I am hoping and praying that Edelstans never get as bad as Ichiruki stans did in 2016, but with how otherwise similar they are my hopes are dwindling more and more. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they aren’t quite... that bad yet? In terms of actions, at least? Their sentiments though are infinitely worse, so like... cool

[anika-ann]

The 5 Times Steve Felt Betrayed - Pt.2

and the 1 Time He Felt Like He Was Betraying You

Type: mini-series to a series (part 1 & part 2 & Part 3), ��Avenger!reader AU.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Matt Murdock & reader        

Word count: 2600

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a wanted man and you don’t have Steve’s back; ableit for good reasons. And then it gets worse.

Warnings: mentions of terorrist attack, mentions of violence and death, language, angst

A/N: This part of Melting Hearts’ verse follows the events of CA: Civil War, sometimes only referencing them and kinda expecting the readers to know what’s up ;)

Posted in double chapters (1st &2nd time, 3th & 4th, 5th+1)

Previous part

────── ·❆· ──────  

3. (Running to Stand Still)

Back at the hotel after the funeral, another punch straight to his face came; all news channels were broadcasting about an attack in Vienna, exactly where the conference about The Sokovia Accords was taking place. Several people had been killed and the king of Wakanda had been among them.

And they had a suspect: James Buchanan Barnes.

Now Steve was hundred percent sure the world had gone crazy and the universe simply hated him.

“I have to go,” were the first words coming out of his mouth.

You sighed behind him, your fist against your mouth. This was officially the worst day ever.

“And I have to go to work,” Sharon uttered, watching the news as horrified as everyone else in the room. Except for Steve; for him, the tragedy was to be measured on a whole different scale.

“I… I should go to work too.”

Steve’s head snapped to you in shock, his heart positively stopping. Were you… were you gonna come after Bucky too? After Steve’s best friend? Who had clearly nothing to do with this, because he had disappeared from the face of Earth and was definitely not bombing conference rooms with the highest representatives of 117 countries?

Your eyes were a sea of regrets and dilemmas when his accusing glare met with them. It mollified him a little – after all, you didn’t know Bucky. Sure, you heard stories about him, every single one Steve could remember because you were willing to listen, but you weren’t even close to truly knowing his persona.

“I understand, Steve. He’s your friend. He’s done terrible things, but you believe in redemption. I love that about you. And you know I trust your judgement. If you believe this wasn’t him… I trust you. But… I don’t know if I should come with you. With all the tension building up, if I don’t show up at work…”

He pressed his lips into a thin line, not liking it at all; but you were right. They had better chance at getting to Bucky – who might not even be in Vienna for all they knew – if it was just him and Sam coming. Lower profile.

Also, it kinda meant a lot that you were still putting so much trust in his judgement, at least when it came to people’s character.

“You’re right. You should go with Sharon. We don’t know what happens, even if we succeed. I… I can’t ask you to come with me.”

Your expression shifted into a gentle one, the worries softening into something much more affectionate. It surprised him to be honest – and he instantly felt bad for thinking ill of you. He knew you were a kind person. Why was he letting the circumstance make him doubt it?

“You could, Steve. And if I believed I would be helpful, I would come. I know we don’t agree on everything… but the only reason why I’m not coming along is because I believe it’s a way to make it easier for you.”

He gulped, taking a hesitant step towards you. The moment you noticed the tinniest movement of his arms as if he was debating himself whether he should at least hug you goodbye, you threw your smaller arms around him, enveloping him in a warm embrace. Steve closed his eyes at the feeling, welcoming the indescribable relief at the little piece of familiarity in this terrible mess. Having you in his arms always felt right.

“Good luck, Steve. Please, be careful,” you muttered into his suit and he let himself to have a few more moments of peace, pulling you closer so your body could almost merge with his. He took a deep breath with his face nuzzled in your hair, enveloped in everything that was you.

No matter the dispute you two had going on, it felt good to know some things didn’t change and he could find a support in you in the time of crisis after all.

────── ·❆· ──────  

Steve barely managed to step on the breaks and swerve the wheel before he would crash into the debris in full speed. He jumped out of the car, having to sprint in front of the vehicle so it wouldn’t smashed him against the road since it overturned and was now coming his direction uncontrollably.

His escape turned into a chase when he saw a person in what could be a costume (an armour?) of a wild black cat standing over Bucky’s lying figure.

And then he caught a glimpse of a movement coming from above.

You landed gracefully next to the tangled mess of limps of Bucky and the assailant, a mass of ice sending the strange figure flying off Steve’s friend. Steve stopped abruptly since he had no one he wanted to throw off now and for a second, he allowed himself to breathe in. He had no idea where the hell had you come from, but he was eternally grateful. And a little bit scared for you, because he had seen what the metal claws of your opponent could do.

Your hand hit the ground, walls of thick ice shielding you all from cars coming from both directions, slightly curved on the tops to cover you from the sky where the flapping of the approaching helicopter was coming from. The panther figure was not included in your little shelter.

Bucky climbed to his feet, staring at you with his eyes wide in shock. Steve wasn’t any less shocked to be honest – but unlike his friend, he was more baffled at you materializing out of nowhere than your powers.

You all heard the sirens approaching rapidly from behind the icy shield, just like you could hear scratching of the metal claws against your barrier reaching tens feet to your right and left. Steve quickly looked around for the quickest and safest escape route as the loudspeaker-powered voice almost deafened you all.

“You’re surrounded-“

Steve sprung to his right, but he didn’t manage a single step. Columns of ice trapped his legs from the ground, reaching above his knees, his shield knocked out of his hands as he was hit by a burst of your powers. He gasped when he saw Bucky unable to move as well and he shot you a desperately perplexed look.

The wall around them melted just enough for you to come through with your hands above your head – about forty riffles immediately aimed at you, together with Rhodey’s repulsors. You sought a leader of the bust and since you didn’t find anyone else, you spoke to the man in the metal suit.

“They surrender,” you exclaimed firmly. “Don’t shoot.”

Steve glared at your back in disbelief, his adrenalin spiking to dizzying levels. What the hell did you just do?!

Rhodey nodded and you glanced at the man in a black costume, only to see no other than the son of the recently deceased king of Wakanda. Prince T’Challa.

Steve honestly thought this was the weirdest nightmare he had ever dreamed. Except it wasn’t a dream; the walls of ice slowly went down, revealing just how many men were ready to shoot at him and Bucky from both the front and the back.

You slowly lowered your hands, putting them behind your back so the agents could cuff you as well. But Rhodey just patted your back to let you know they were not gonna arrest you.

“Good job, kid.”

You grimaced and looked up at Steve. His eyes glinted behind his mask as he watched you with an emotion you certainly didn’t want to decode.

The shock of the Black Panther revealing his face was nothing. The icy needles cutting into his skin and muscles were nothing.

What burned him the most was your betrayal. Yes, you had iced T’Challa away, but you also stole their last chance to run – and what was worse, you had used your powers against him. Against him. You had done something he had thought terrified you, the memory of giving him a frostbite still haunting you. But here you were, doing what you had done so many years ago – except this time deliberately.

He saw the tears in your eyes, the desperate and torn expression on your face as the agents approached him and you let the ice around his hands melt so he could be cuffed. Then his legs were free too, but he couldn’t care less, feeling frozen from the inside.

What Steve couldn’t see was the three different snipers positioned at the edge of the pillars previously aiming at each of them, now with their guns cracking under the extremely low temperature, and their hands buried in ice. What he hadn’t seen before you let the walls crumble, was the number of men with itchy fingers, now lowering their weapons because the suspects were secured. Blinded by the anger, he couldn’t see a lot of things.

He couldn’t see you had just saved their lives.

────── ·❆· ──────  

4. (Poisoned Words)

Steve knew – he had known the moment you hadn’t gone after him when he had stormed out of the room after the fight with Tony. He had known you had made up your mind a long time ago – and not even the idea of Wanda being practically held prisoner had changed your spirit. He had known when he hadn’t seen you fight after the psychiatrist did something to his best friend – neither the brainwashed escaping Bucky, neither anyone else at the facility.

Yet it still broke his heart when you hadn’t showed up at the airport with Sharon, who had brought their gear. The shield. Falcon’s wings. He should be grateful to Agent Carter, but it still felt as if she had come empty-handed. She didn’t bring the most important item. You. But that wasn’t on her.

“She’s staying with Wanda Maximoff. Keeping her company,” Sharon said simply as if she guessed Steve’s thoughts and he nodded hastily, pretending the incredibly tight knot in his stomach didn’t exist. That he could breathe. That he didn’t want to scream, but could easily draw enough air into his lungs to do so. That he didn’t feel tears prickle in his eyes.

“Thank you, Sharon. I owe you.”

“I’ll put it on the list. Right under this,” she said softly, pulling out an envelope from the inner pocket of her jacket.

Steve sucked in a breath as she held it out for him. Mentally, he let out a sarcastic laugh. A letter. You had left him a letter. Just words. Just like when you had left him the last time when you abandoned him, even for a whole different reason. The last time, you were protecting him; this time, you were protecting yourself.

Steve wondered if this was you laughing to his face. He didn’t even want the stupid piece of paper.

“Thanks, but… if it’s from the person I think it is, I don’t want it.”

That was a lie.

He did want it. He itched to have it. He craved for it, because he would love to hear what you had to say to all this. To him. Were you trying to justify your actions? How? Was it because you truly believed you were so bad in your core? Because your insecurity about you keeping control over your powers rooted so deep? Or because you didn’t believe he was doing the right thing, you didn’t believe his judgement anymore? Were you thinking he was not doing the right thing, saving a man, who had been turned into a weapon against his will, becoming just a tool?

It didn’t matter. You weren’t here.  Whatever you had to tell him, it didn’t seem to matter, because you leaving him in lurch hurt so fucking badly.

He almost jumped when a small hand took his and he snapped from his trance, seeking the point of contact with his gaze. Sharon gently uncurled his fingers, pressing the envelope to his palm. When he met her eyes, they burned with sincerity and seriousness.

“She was very desperate for me to get this to you. She sought me out – because she figured I would come to your aid. Don’t underestimate her, Steve. Don’t judge her. I believe that the letter is truly important.”

Steve sighed, but tugged the envelope into the pocket of his jacket, planning on reading it never. Probably. Maybe someday. Who knew what was next. Who knew if he’d live that long.

Sharon smiled at him reassuringly and helped him to move the equipment to the trunk of their distinctive get-away car. The letter stayed in his jacket, burning with the tinniest hope. Maybe Clint would bring you along with Wanda, since you were staying with her. Maybe…

He didn’t.

He gave Steve an apologetic and pitying look instead; it only made the supersoldier sick. Because now, he was nothing but sure you didn’t give a damn about either him or doing the right thing.

And he had no clue how he had never seen it before. It almost looked like he should be grateful that you hadn’t stopped Clint and Wanda from wandering off at least. God, he had been so stupid—

“Steve-“ Wanda started from behind Clint, her voice sounding urgent,  but from her expression, Steve could tell the matter she wanted to talk about; he just shook his head.

“Good to see you, Wanda. Thank you for coming,” he said with a strained smile, pushing the thoughts of you to the back of his mind. They didn’t have time for his self-pity now.  

She returned the smile hastily, but opened her mouth again to speak.

“Please don’t. Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But you should-”

“Not now,” he opposed sternly, regretting his tone when Wanda winced. “Please,” he said, softer. “Not now, Wanda.”

Clint’s gaze flickered between them, unsure whether he should intervene. Honestly, he wasn’t quite certain what was happening between you and Steve, or how much bad blood the Accords poured between the two of you. He had noticed what could be a brief wordless exchange between you and Wanda at the compound and assumed you had wanted Wanda to send your sorry to Steve. He could understand why Steve didn’t want to hear it, especially now, but that was as far as his knowledge of the situation went.

“Clint, thank you. I wouldn’t call you if I had another choice,” Steve turned to him, a tiny grateful smile on his lips. His face spoke volumes about a lot of things, but Clint could tell the gratitude was genuine. He accepted his hand and shook it.

“Hey, trust me, you’re doing me a favour. And I owe a debt.”

Steve just nodded in acknowledgement when he noticed the tiny gesture towards Wanda.

“Thank you both for having my back.”

“It was time to get off my ass. I know where my loyalty lies. And I’m not the only one,” the Scarlet Witch commented lowly.

It earned her a raised eyebrow from Clint when Steve drew in a sharp breath.

Fuck, that hurt.

Steve would think it was just a slip, but the Sokovian tilted her head to side almost mockingly as if she knew exactly what she had said and was provoking him on purpose. Challenging him for whatever reason. Steve swallowed against the lump suddenly grown in his throat.

“What about our other recruit?”

And with that, the matter of you not coming along was dropped.

Steve wished he could get rid of the thoughts about you and his feelings just as easily.  

────── ·❆· ──────  

Part 3 (the fifth time and the +1)

────── ·❆· ──────  

Thank you for reading!

[zevlors-tail]

But Yandere!Izuku and Villain!Deku are same person? Talking about (his) their personaly/ities? (being psychopaths and obsessive to possessive)

Alright, this will probably be the last ask I answer this week for a while (don’t hold me to that, some asks are easier to answer than others for some reason?). Character analysis time! This isn’t the first time someone’s said this so I hope this helps and clarifies some things! And for the record, this is just my personal opinion/my own viewpoint. Under the cut because it’s super long and I got carried away, sorry!

Firstly, Villain!Deku and Yandere!Izuku are not always one in the same for me. They can be, like how Izuku is in my fic “Stained Glass”, but to me they’re often different. I think it’s all in how you interpret both of them. 

Villain!Deku: A lot of the times I see Villain!Deku portrayed as an insane psychopath who’s extremely possessive/unhinged and crazy about his Doll/so, but he doesn’t have to be that way. Villain!Deku could be many things; crazy, soft (a personal favorite of mine), caring (believe it or not), scary, calculated, cold, stoic, aloof, nonchalant... The point is, he can be a villain without being psychopathic and obsessive. Those certainly are considered more “negative” qualities that relate more to villains, but villains can be more than just crazy. They can have depth, still live normal lives to the best of their extent, or even be completely coherent with a brilliant plan that the hero has to work against the entire time. Take his motives into account. Did Deku become a villain because hero society was just too much to handle and it slowly corrupted him, or was he always a little unhinged right from the start? Did something happen to Inko? Was it the rejection from All Might? Was it all of those things put together? Was it how Bakugou bullied him?

There are plenty of reasons Deku has to become a villain (shoutout to canon Deku for staying strong and pursuing his dreams, you GO baby boy!), and depending on the severity of the trigger(s) and how it affected him, he very well could be leading a semi-normal life even as a villain. Ultimately though, it’s all in the eyes of the beholder; the writer creates the world however they want.

I’ll do my best to paint a picture of how I see Villain!Deku most of the time in my head, because he’s probably a lot different than what most of you think. To me, Villain!Deku is often a character who’s been failed by the heroes, who learned how to do things on his own, who climbed the latter of villains through his own means and hard work. He’s charming, flirty, mentally stable/available, and still feels empathy for a select few people, his s/o and mother included. He’s a critical thinker who analyzes things before acting, who plans out his moves down to every last possible consequence before coming up with a plan. He can be caring, he’s observant, and he does everything with purpose. He has goals. The point is, he’s not just a psychopath who’s possessive.

Now, Yandere!Izuku on the other hand...

Yandere!Izuku: Here’s the thing. While there is still variety in Yandere Verse, I personally think it’s a little more clear cut when it comes to underlying motives and personality traits. Yes, Yandere!Izuku will eventually become possessive or obsessive in some way; it’s how yanderes are. Whether he goes full on psychopath or not is up to a writer’s discretion, but yeah, most of the time it happens in many of the fics I’ve read. Yandere!Izuku usually has one goal, and that is to be with the reader/his s/o. Now he might do this several different ways, but the end goal is ultimately the same. Usually possessive yanderes don’t really care about anything else if it’s not related to their darling, so unless it’s interfering with his relationship with his partner, he won’t care (at least not as much as he should).

Now let’s throw in a villain aspect to Yandere!Izuku!

There are a couple different ways to go about this. First, Izuku could have been a villain before he became yandere. Maybe he saw the reader one day while he was working or met them through his villain connections, idk. Whatever floats your boat. He turns (he’s not a vampire, Sweater, he’s a yandere), and now he’s both a villain and yandere. The second possibility is that he was yandere for the reader before he became a villain, or that he became a villain because he’s yandere and would do anything for his darling. Maybe he did it to prove he could keep them safe. Maybe it was a show of his love for them. Either way, he’s now a villain. But then we have a third option, and that’s that Yandere!Izuku never became a villain at all. He went to school, became a hero, and then became yandere somewhere along the line while he was still a hero. I love this option the most because it’s so contradictory in the fact that he’s technically a hero and yet he’d be willing to do things that are illegal or immoral just for the sake of his darling. 

(TLDR) Which leads to my conclusion:

Villain!Deku and Yandere!Izuku are not always one in the same. Villain!Deku isn’t always a possessive psychopath, and Yandere!Izuku isn’t always a villain. They can be the same, or they can be different.

Thank you for coming to my seminar about Villain!Deku and Yandere!Izuku. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!

[phantom-curve]

Congrats on reaching your follower milestone soon, dear! It was tough choosing a prompt because there are some really nice ones on the list—but I'll go with #2 aspectabund for Julie and Luke. I'd love to be less predictable and choose another 'verse than "gimme a chance" but I am weak. (Unless you’re really not feeling it, then I'd love to see a oneshot of your liking. No pressure. ♥️)

thank you!! and thank you for this prompt and pairing because I had actually imagined this exact scene weeks ago but I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it work in the full fic, so now I get to just write it as a deleted scene for you! in the timeline of the gimme a chance AU, this is set after the last deleted scene but before the scene with Alex and Reggie in chapter 6. just a little moment of Luke and Julie still not really knowing what they are but recklessly forging ahead anyway❤️ (with some Flynn backstory thrown in for good measure!)

aspectabund - letting emotions show easily through the face or eyes (Rated M for consistency, language, and a fairly suggestive setting)

Luke could study Julie in any light and find her beautiful, but there was something about seeing her under the dimmed interior lighting of the bar bathroom that felt particularly special. Maybe it was the way she seemed to glow underneath the muted lights that surrounded the bathroom mirror. Maybe it was because it was the first place he had ever experienced a softer, more vulnerable moment with her. Maybe it was because her presence alone somehow managed to turn even the grungiest of atmospheres into something beautiful and magical.

Whatever the reason, Luke had come to love the times he managed to steal away with her into the bathroom, losing himself in the feel of her lips pressed against his and her warm skin beneath his seeking fingers, every inch of him filled to the brim with thoughts of her and her alone. His port in the storm, the guiding light he couldn’t help but follow. Julie Molina, his brightest burning star.

Tonight was almost identical to every other night that Julie came by the bar. Another open mic, another flirty encounter exchanged via lyrics over shots of tequila, the background noise of whoever happened to be up on stage never quite loud enough to pull them out of their own little personal bubble. Dante was working, which meant Luke didn’t feel quite so bad about sneaking into the bathroom during his 10 to find Julie waiting, lips soft and inviting against his own, curves just as sweet as he remembered though always better than he imagined in his dreams at night. She had been driving him crazy all night in her cropped band tee and the jeans that he had a love/hate relationship with. Denim shouldn’t be allowed to look that good and then be that damned difficult to take off.

They had come together quickly, never willing to waste their stolen time together when there was a clock ticking and a bar still full of patrons just a door away. As much as it might feel like their own private world locked away in the bathroom, the real world still continued on outside without much cause for stopping. Tonight though, Luke couldn’t help but linger just a moment after he finally came down from the way Julie had left him gasping her name. Her head was still tucked into the crook of his neck, her hair even wilder than it had been when she first showed up. She was an absolute vision. A true goddess. It blew his mind she was even willing to give him the time of day, and he was constantly reminded of how lucky he was to have these small, stolen moments with her.

Julie seemed to notice his extra attention, pulling her flushed face clear of its hiding place and regarding him with a look that he couldn’t quite decipher. Soft, but still guarded. Their eyes met and he was so sure she would see it then. The love he was never able to fully hold back anymore. He studied her from head to toe, let his gaze caress every inch of her body with the kind of soft adoration that tended to make itself known the second she was within his vicinity these days.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Her question wasn’t an accusation, but Luke felt the need to hide from her probing all the same. It wasn’t her fault he had fallen in love with her. He didn’t get to force that on her when she hadn’t ever asked for it or encouraged it in the first place. His mind blanked for a moment, scrambling to come up with a plausible answer to her question. He blurted the first thing he could think of, not sure where the thought had come from but willing to follow it to the end if it meant insight into Julie and steering clear of his own emotional turmoil.

“Where does Flynn think you are when you come here?”

Julie pulled back further, her legs closing slightly as if it would force him out of his position there. Luke didn’t retreat. Kept his hands alongside the dip of her waist, fingers softly stroking the bare skin underneath the shirt she still wore. He made sure his gaze was soft and steady. He wasn’t trying to chastise her, just maybe understand her a bit better. She had said Flynn didn’t know about the nights she came to the bar, but there was no way her best friend was missing the fact that three nights out of the week, Julie wasn’t home until well past midnight.

“The library.”

The answer seemed so ridiculous that Luke couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up in his chest. Julie’s arms folded across her chest, nose scrunching into an adorable pout that he wanted to kiss away. She tilted her head to the side, hair falling over her shoulder, and he could practically read her mind through the look on her face. She was not amused. Luke backpedaled a bit, trying to explain exactly why her cover up seemed so flimsy to him.

“You tell Flynn you’re going to the library and then you come home looking like that and she just...believes you’ve been at the library?”

Luke pointed towards the mirror behind them, and Julie turned to follow his finger. She seemed startled to see her own appearance: hair wild and mussed, cheeks still flushed with leftover satisfaction, lips swollen from his kisses, eyes shining in a way he had only seen right after he played for her and right after he made her fall apart with his touch. She tucked a stray curl behind her ear, smoothing the smaller hairs along her temple as if that would control them. It didn’t do much, just like Luke knew it wouldn’t. Julie’s mouth twisted to the side in an annoyed grimace, and she turned away from the mirror to look up at him once more.

“Well, no. I tell her I’m going to the library when I leave the apartment, and then I usually do go there for a few hours before coming here. She’s always asleep by the time I get home. Flynn is a strict lights-out-at-10 type of girl, unless Carrie is the one keeping her up.”

A light shudder worked its way down Julie’s spine and Luke didn’t even try to think about the ways Carrie might be keeping Flynn awake past 10. Instead, he chose to focus on the minor revelations about the inner workings of exactly how Julie ended up at the bar every Tuesday and Thursday as well as most Saturdays.

“Huh. That weirdly makes sense for her. Yet another reason for her to hate me, I guess. Sleeping that early is for grannies and kids.”

He delivered the last line with a teasing smirk. He mostly meant it as a joke. It was easier to poke fun at Flynn if he was doing it in a way that also kind of poked fun at himself. Then it wasn’t so much him shit talking her as it was him admitting he wasn’t always his favorite person either. Julie must have seen something behind his eyes or on his face though because all of the sudden she softened, her hands raising from where they had been holding her up on the counter to cradle his face instead. The move was so intimate it made him want to purr. He settled for leaning into her hold, head turned to sneak a quick kiss against her palm. When he met her eyes, the guarded walls in her gaze had melted, leaving only a gentle kind of fondness in their wake.

“Flynn doesn’t hate you.”

Luke snorted. Julie’s tone was soft and sweet, but he knew a lie when he heard one, no matter how nicely it was said.

“Yes, she does.”

He could tell she was about to argue, so he lifted one finger to rest against her lips, effectively cutting off whatever she had been about to say as he continued talking.

“Flynn hasn’t liked me since we first met, and I asked her who the cute blonde musician was without knowing it was Carrie. Then I made the mistake of going off about how I knew Carrie was a musician because, well, I just knew, and she liked that even less. But I was upgraded to hate the night you came to our show with her, and I made a complete ass of myself. It’s fine, Julie. I know the score. You don’t have to pretend she likes me just cause we’re...ya know...”

He trailed off awkwardly, not quite willing to label them as casual when that had become his absolute least favorite word in the English language lately. The finger that had been held to her lips curled back into the palm of his hand so he could raise it to scratch at the back of his neck. The sight seemed to soften Julie even more, one of her hands falling from its spot against his cheek to rest against his bare chest, directly above his heart. There was a tenderness behind the action that was new for them, Julie’s eyes warm and gentle as she regarded him. He wasn’t sure he liked the way it made his heart stutter and constrict, wished he had the extra layer of his shirt between them for the first time ever, but she was still perched on top of it where he had laid it down as a barrier between her and the countertop.

“Luke.”

The sound of his name sent another wave of longing through him. His eyes had to be practically overflowing with the depths of his feelings for her by now. She had to be able to see it.

“Flynn does not hate you. She just...doesn’t understand you.”

He couldn’t quite believe that they were in a bathroom at Ebbie’s, half-dressed and still just barely back on the Earthly plane, and somehow, they were discussing Flynn of all people. Luke generally did his best not to think about Flynn, especially lately when he was certain if she ever found out what he was up to there wouldn’t be a place in this world he would be able to hide from her. He tried to play it off again, make a joke that would lighten the atmosphere and get them off of the topic that he was constantly pretending didn’t hurt as much as it did.

“Julie, Flynn isn’t the one I’m worried about hating me. That ship has sailed, and she’s the captain of it. It’s okay. As long as I have you, I’m not gonna worry about something I can’t change.”

Okay, so that was maybe a bit sappier than he should have worded it, but the sentiment was true, all the same. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold back those pieces of himself lately. The parts that wanted desperately to belong to Julie and no one else.

The delicate hand that had been resting against his cheek trailed a gentle path up to tuck itself behind his head, dislodging his own hand from where it had still been nervously scratching. There was a new look in her eyes, one he hadn’t seen before, not even when he had tried to take her home and had been offered a small acquiescence in the form of dropping her off at her own home instead. This look was much softer, almost endless in its depth and Luke felt his breath catch as if she had stolen it away herself. This was a look that felt precious and vulnerable and like maybe she was finally going to strike the word casual from the definition of their relationship. He dipped his head, forehead falling to rest against her own so he could bathe in that look for as long as possible. Julie didn’t pull away. Instead, her grip tightened over his heart and around the back of his neck. An invitation for him to close that small gap between them once more and bring his lips to hers.

This kiss was different too. No edge to it at all, just a soft sigh of movement against one another. Neither one taking from the other, each simply offering a piece of themselves. A gentle understanding, a moment of true harmony together where they were on the same page. Luke had no fucking clue what, exactly, that page was, but he would stay there and reread it over and over again until he died if it meant holding Julie against him like this.

The timer on his phone chirped, the sound just barely audible through the material of his pants. It was a warning, their warning, that this stolen moment was fast coming to an end and if Luke didn’t get back out to the bar someone would come looking. Luke had never hated an interruption more in his entire life. For as long as he lived, he didn’t think he’d be able to reach his limit of basking in the presence of Julie Molina, but especially like this when it felt all the more precious and fleeting.

Slowly, she pulled herself back, their lips parting in a way that told him she would have continued to linger without the interruption. He almost gave into the temptation of ignoring the alarm so that he could dive back in, but then she pressed her fingers against her lips. The action, so simple and unassuming, nearly had his heart bursting. Because she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were still closed, her breathing fast and erratic. When she finally met his gaze a good ten seconds later, he was shocked to see a type of longing he had only recognized in himself reflected in the melted chocolate of her irises.

“You have to get back out there before Dante comes looking for you.”

Her voice was breathless and just this side of needy, like the thought of him leaving made her all the more desperate to keep him there. It was the strongest show of willpower that he didn’t haul her back into his arms for a repeat performance of when he first arrived in the bathroom. He nodded slowly, the sound of his metal chains and belt buckle clinking as he readjusted his jeans the only noise in the room. She slipped off the counter, offering his shirt back to him with a shy smile as she pulled her own jeans back into place. The cotton slipped over his head, and Luke silently cursed the way it obstructed his view of Julie, even if it was barely more than a couple seconds.

“See you back out there?”

He wasn’t sure why he asked. Julie always left before him, giving him a few extra moments to wash his hands and get his head back into work mode before he had to slip behind the bar once more. This time though, she wasn’t rushing to leave. Instead, she bit her lip, forehead wrinkling slightly before she gave a soft shake of her head. The walls that had disappeared in the last few minutes were firmly back in place when she met his gaze.

“I have to get some work done on a project for school. I cut my library time short tonight to get here earlier.”

It wasn’t really a rejection, but it sure as hell felt like one. Luke tried not to let it show on his face, but he wasn’t sure he managed to pull it off. He felt his own fingers at the back of his neck again and wondered when they had gotten there.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s cool. I get it.”

He shrugged a bit, tried to get some bounce back in his step as he moved towards the door.

“Luke...?”

He turned at the sound of Julie’s voice, just barely managing not to lose it when her eyes flashed momentarily with that same fleeting look of vulnerable longing.

“Next open mic is Thursday, right?”

She was trying to get them back on script. Trying to get back to that place that felt more familiar, less intense. Luke couldn’t fault her for her. He was the one that kept trying to push them outside of the confines she had created. He sighed softly, stepping close so he could press a quick kiss against her forehead.

“Next open mic is Thursday. I’ll be here.”

Her lips curved just a bit, her smile small but no less brilliant.

“See you then, Rockstar.”

He left then. Had to force his feet to move before he fell to his knees and begged her for more. More time, more stolen moments, more commitment, more of everything that he so desperately wanted from her and no one else. Luke threw himself into filling orders behind the bar, so busy he didn’t see Julie make her way out. If Dante noticed the storm cloud that hovered above his head for the rest of the night, he didn’t mention it.

He promised himself that when he saw her again on Thursday, he would let it go. Loving her didn’t give him the right to demand more. In fact, if he really loved her, he would find a way to be content with what she offered. Because if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that he wasn’t ready to give her up just yet. And he didn’t think she was ready to give him up yet, either. So, he would stay, and he would accept what he was given, because every new moment meant another memory for him to carry with him when this whole thing ended. And somehow, that would have to be enough.

[dreamescapeswriting]

The Writing Game ~ KNJ [Request]

↬↬↬Word Count: 3.3K

↬↬↬Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

↬↬↬Genre: Producer AU, fluffy, cute, first kiss, first I love you, confessions

"Are you willing to put money on that?" That's all you'd heard when you walked into the lounge in the BigHit building that night, it had been a super long day and you were ready to sleep but you'd heard Jimin first and wondered what he was talking about. Your eyes left your phone to see Jimin, Jungkook and Namjoon all staring at one another,

"Are you placing bets on Jin and his girlfriend again?" They'd been placing bets on how long it would take for Jin or his girlfriend to call off the wedding that they had been planning for months, your hand came into contact with the back of Jimin's head and Jungkook ducked so you couldn't get to him. 

"No! We're betting on something else." You smirked dropping down between Jimin and Jungkook, 

"Let's hear it then," You waited for a response but it was clear none of them were going to tell you what it was so you got up from the seat and walked over to Namjoon. He had been one of your best friends at BigHit, you'd been writing and producing music with him for years. 

"Joonie, what is it they're doing?" You put out your bottom lip putting on the sweetest act you could while trailing your hands over his shoulders. 

"T-They're placing bets on who could make the best song for the album." Jimin frowned hearing Namjoon stutter, he had no idea that you had that effect on his leader but now he'd seen it he wanted to see it again. 

"We know you're the best team but when we put our heads together, we're better." You scoffed at Jimin's comment rubbing Namjoon's shoulders, you had no idea the things you did to Namjoon. He'd had a huge crush on you when you first started working there but he never did anything about it because of the company rules. ''No dating other staff members'' It was a simple rule to follow but not for Namjoon, he felt himself falling harder for you every day you spent time together.

"That's the biggest lie, me and Namjoon could kick your ass with our eyes closed." You scoffed moving away from Namjoon and sitting back down with the boys, Jimin smirked. It was going to be easier than ever to make you work together so closely. Namjoon caught on pretty quick to what Jimin was hinting at, 

"Jimin we're busy Y/n doesn't want to bother herself-"

"Sure I do, Namjoon we're the best and we'll win in no time." Your confidence was boosting any other time Namjoon would have jumped at the chance but he could tell there was a catch from Jimin coming,

"We have until Friday to finish a song each and then we'll present it to Bang PD at the end of the week." Jimin clapped his hands together before Namjoon could even say no you were already shaking on it and writing up the rules to make sure there would be no cheating going on. 

"Namjoon come on, we've worked on things together a million times I thought it would be fun...Are you mad at me?" The thought of Namjoon being mad at you made your heart hurt, he'd always been one of your many inspirations at work and also the guy you'd been madly in love with for the last six years....No one was ever going to know that though, not when you could hide your love for him in songs that he and the boys would sing to. 

"I'm not mad I'm just tired Y/n," You could tell by the tone of his voice it wasn't true, that he was clearly mad about something but wasn't about to sit and tell you all of his problems. 

"Then let's call it a night, we've been here all day and we both know we can write a banger in a couple of days anyway." It was true, you'd done it before. Writing hit songs with Namjoon by your side was one of the easiest things, you could bounce ideas off one another easily, nothing was ever off-limits to talk, rap or sing about together.

"Why don't we use one of our drafts and just say we wrote it?" He grumbled at you, he didn't want to be sat in a room with you all week, having his emotions run high whenever you sat close to him or smiled at him. His eyes landed on your face and he saw you tearing up, he instantly realised how much of a dick he was sounding and he felt bad,

"It's not that I don't want to Y/n it's just-"

"It's whatever, just tell Jimin we lose." He took hold of your wrist promising you that he would take it seriously tomorrow after he'd gone home and gotten some rest. 

"Go home, get rested and come back tomorrow okay?" He questioned looking deep into your eyes he wanted to make sure he hadn't hurt your feelings, it was one of the last things he'd ever want to do.

"Sure." You smiled reassuringly at him and grabbed your car keys, 

"Do you want a ride back?" He shook his head at the question, he'd ridden his bike that morning so he would just ride that home instead. 

Tuesday:

The whole morning you and Namjoon had been sat in his studio trying to decide if it was going to be a classic love song or if he wanted to do something completely different. Deciding that both of you wanted to write about love,

"Who do you think about when you're writing?" You questioned looking away from your piece of paper, you had pages full of small lyrical paragraphs all about the guy sitting right across from you on the sofa inside of his office. You had your legs resting against his while he had his resting against the sofa hiding the pad from you which, much like yours, was covered in small paragraphs about you.

"Just someone I hold dear, you?" You looked down at the page, you don't know why you'd expected him to say you. You'd always hoped he liked you but as the years went by you realised there was nothing there between you except friendship. 

"Same really," He frowned looking at you, you were scribbling things down like crazy and you had the look of sadness across your face. 

"Did they hurt you?" You laughed softly, you felt pathetic telling him all of this since it was him you were truly talking about. 

"No, he doesn't even know I like him." His hands clutched onto the pen he was holding, you liked someone- You loved someone? He wasn't angry with you he was angry at whoever was taking you away from him...Not that you were his but someone else held you close to them and hurt you with it. 

"Why don't you tell him?" You scoffed loudly and started laughing at the statement almost forgetting that it was him you were talking about, 

"He's not interested in me like that, I just need to deal with it and move on." Namjoon nodded along to what you were saying feeling slightly hopeful that you were willing to move on from whoever was hurting you like this,

"What if we channelled that?" You frowned not following along with what he was asking of you, 

"Wrote a song about moving on? Or feeling heartbreak?" You nodded a little trying to think of ways you could work it out, you didn't want to move on from Namjoon but getting the feelings of your heart being broken up would help a little, it was a genre of song you weren't exactly good in though. 

"I've never tried heartbreak songs-"

"I'll help," He rushed his sentence a little too much but he was desperate to help you move on, he didn't like seeing you hurt he wanted to do something he knew would help, channelling emotions helped him and he knew for a fact that he helped you a lot as well. 

Wednesday: 

The whole Tuesday was spent writing lyrics together while Namjoon went onto the piano, you were going to have a slow song. Heartbreak was meant to be about channelling all of your emotions and effort into the one song and feeling each lyric that you were going to be singing. Namjoon had decided to add a small rap into the song as a verse, writing about how he felt about you. All of the heartbreak he felt around you and how he could never be with you, how you could never truly be his when you were in love with someone else. Today had been a long day and you hadn't had time to come and produce some of the song with Namjoon. You were supposed to be working on it together but he knew how busy you got when you came into work. It wasn't just BTS that you worked with, you worked with a lot of the other groups in the building along with your own work that you never let anyone see or hear.

"I've been with Soobin and the boys all day I'm sorry." You said to Namjoon when you saw him coming out of his office, he shook his head promising you that it was fine but it didn't feel fine to you, 

"I finished putting the backing onto a track it's fine-"

"No, Namjoon we're supposed to work together." He placed his hand on your wrist, he knew for a fact that you had been in the big hit building from 5 am that morning because he'd checked the staff sign-in sheet when he came in. You were always pulling those, coming in super early and not leaving until really late, Namjoon hated that you pushed yourself like this but he also adored how dedicated to it you were that you were willing to do all of the overtime if it meant it would pay off. 

"Go home, we're done for the day I promise." You nodded along not planning on listening to him,

"Want a ride?" You asked you knew for a fact that he didn't need one because you could see the keys to his bike lock in his hand and the helmet in his bag 

"No I'm okay, come on." You walked towards the elevator together you were trying to act a though you were really going to leave and not come back into the building when you knew he wasn't going to be there. 

The moment you knew Namjoon was gone you rushed back up to his studio, removing the spare key from your bag and making your way inside. Everything was still on his three monitors and you smiled walking over to them and sitting down in the huge chair he liked to use. You just wanted to hear what he had done with the track and then maybe improve on it a little, it had to be perfect since it was about him and he didn't even know it. You wanted it to sound so good that Jimin would cry the moment he heard you both singing on the track, you hit play and the song began to come in from the speakers. None of the singing you had recorded was there yet but the piano playing along to the tune you'd written was.

Clicking the space bar again you tried to pause it but somehow - even though you'd been using the system for years - it deleted the entire piano section, along with the singing piece you'd recorded for the song. 

"What?! No!" You yelled trying to undo it but the computer kept crashing the system, 

"Fuck he's going to kill me." You whimpered pulling up a new project and going to input the singing back on only to see that it was deleted from the entire system. Everything except for the piano which was within a different folder was gone. You were going to be in for a long night of rerecording the lyrics and the producing it all before you went home.

Thursday:

Namjoon came in early that morning, he wanted to make sure you hadn't done what he thought you were going to do - sneak back inside and do some extra work. 

"You have a present in your studio," Jimin smirked as he came out of the elevator on the ground floor, JImin had walked in and saw you asleep wearing one of Namjoon's hoodies and a pair of leggings it must have been cold there last night. 

"What are you-" Namjoon cut himself short when he remembered that Jimin knew about the crush he had on you and was doing this to force Namjoon to face his feelings about it. 

"She's up there?" Jimin nodded frowning when he saw a look of annoyance spread across Namjoon's face, 

"What's wrong? I thought you liked Y/n?" Namjoon groaned trying to push his floor button but Jimin slapped his hand away wanting to get answers, 

"I do and you know that which is why you're doing this but I told her not to come in last night, she's exhausted Jimin." He pushed the younger boy out of his lift and waited for the doors to clothes. He couldn't help but think about how tired you must be since you'd been there possibly all day. 

Opening the door to his studio he was surprised to see you with your head resting on the table, he walked further into the room and sighed when he saw that you were asleep. 

"I told you not to come back in here," He whispered scooping you up from the chair being careful so that he wouldn't wake you up, you clearly needed the sleep if you were asleep at the desk. As he laid you down on his sofa you let out a moan before mumbling something and turning over, he smiled hearing you like that and went to get a blanket. He knew that you were in his hoodie, it was one of the favourites he owed and kept at the studio - truth be told he kept it there hoping that you would borrow it whenever you got too cold around him. 

"Namjoon-ah." You mumbled in your sleep as he laid the blanket over your body. You snuggled against it waking up but not opening your eyes. 

"You're cute when you're asleep," You heard him whisper, you kept your eyes shut trying not to flicker them or give any clue to the fact that you were now awake and listening to everything he was saying, 

"I wish I could tell you how I feel you know...Even if it wasn't for this whole staff members aren't allowed to date I don't think I could ever tell you." His hand pushed some hair out of your face but he smiled looking at you, 

"I don't think I'd have the confidence to tell you how I feel about you." Your heart clenched at the thought fo Namjoon having any kind of feelings about you, all of this time you'd thought he just saw you as nothing but an annoying sister or something.  

"Being in love with you has helped me write so many songs I think I could produce 16 albums all with 22 tracks each." He chuckled at himself before leaving a small kiss on your forehead, 

"Get some sleep darling," As soon as the door clicked your sat up and looked around the small office trying to gather your thoughts together. 

Friday:

You went home Thursday without seeing Namjoon, you could see him while you were trying to process everything he had said to you, it was a lot. That he was in love with you and wasn't even planning on telling you? Now that you knew you had no idea what to do with yourself if you were supposed to face him knowing that the guy you loved loved you back. 

"Y/n?!" You dropped the bag you were carrying, you had been attempting to sneak into the lounge without being seen but Jimin was stood behind you wondering what you were doing. 

"What are you doing?" He questioned watching as you bent down to pick up the bag and stand up to him again, 

"I was going to wor-"

"You have presentations with Namjoon, we're about to show Bang PD the songs-"

"He finished it?!" You hadn't expected Namjoon to do all of the work so you followed along with Jimin towards one of the conference rooms. They were really taking this seriously, the conference rooms weren't normally available to you or any of the boys for that matter.

"Nice of you to join us," Jungkook smirked at you - standing at the front of the conference room getting ready to show their boss their work. PD smiled at you as you bowed to him before sitting down on a chair next to Namjoon. 

"You finished it without me?" You whispered looking at him, he was avoiding looking at you but he nodded watching Jimin and Jungkook as they explained what their song was about and began playing it. It was a great song and something that they were used to writing about, 

"Namjoon." PD said pointing at you both, you both got up and began explaining the meanings behind it all. 

"We decided to go for a heartbreak song, Y/n did the main vocals and I added a rap in for a verse." The music began to play and instantly you felt insecure, the night you'd spent recording came rushing back to you as you poured every emotion you felt for Namjoon into each lyric. 

"I think it's clear who the winner is," Bang PD said as he looked over at Jimin and Jungkook who were now crying together, he slid a box of tissues over to them and turned to look at you. 

"I can see I made a big mistake hiring you though Miss Y/l/n." Your heart fell out of your chest hitting the floor and smashing into a million pieces, 

"I should have signed you, your voice is incredible." Namjoon held onto you as you stumbled backwards a little bit.

"We will be talking soon, I have another meeting." You nodded and watched as he walked out of the room as if he hadn't just proposed hiring you to be one of his employees instead of someone that worked behind the scenes. 

"Y/n! That's incredible news!" Namjoon screamed you jumped up and down turning around and throwing your arms around him wanting to celebrate. 

"Namjoon-ah!" You giggled pulling away from him slowly but you locked eyes. After that it was like there was no one else in the room with you, Jimin and Jungkook weren't sitting there staring at you anymore you were just looking at one another.

"What?" Namjoon asked as you turned your head to the side, he frowned wondering what you were doing. His heart was racing having you this close to his face but he wasn't about to push you away. 

"I love you too." You whispered before smashing your lips against his. His eyes widened as he heard you say the four words he'd been dying to hear but as soon as he came to reality his eyes fluttered shut. Wrapping his arms around your waist he drew you closer to him wanting to keep this kiss going for as long as possible, he was too afraid he would wake up and it would have all bee some kind of ultra-realistic dream he was having about it. 

"We...We're just going to leave." Jimin cleared his throat but neither of you heard him and Jungkook getting up and leaving the room together, you were too busy getting lost in your own worlds to bother with them.

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @lynnthevirgo @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @fan-ati--c @callingmyangel @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie​ @innersooya​ 

[green-blue-heller]

Look What You Made Me Do (Cockles FanFic)

Title: Look What You Made Me Do

Pairing: Cockles (Jensen x Misha)

Fandom: Supernatural RPF

Rating: GA

A/N: Part of my 500 follower celebration. This was based off a prompt by @dolphindiluna.

If you want to send me a prompt based on the theme, coming out, check out my pinned post.

Words: 2729

Read on AO3

Jensen stood on the stage, Robbie and the boys of Louden Swain behind him, music pumping into his earbuds as he smiled at the roaring crowd. A wave of panic filled him as the opening notes of his intro music sent the crowd into a frenzy, and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

In the back of his mind, there was a voice screaming at him to turn around and leave the stage as quickly as he could. That would be the smart thing to do. Especially since his stunt was about to lead to career suicide.

But as he glanced to his right, he caught sight of Misha and the smile on the other man’s face took his breath away. With a shy smile, he looked down at his feet for a moment.

You can do this, Jackles.

It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision that brought him up on stage during the con’s Saturday Night Special.

It started out as something he wanted to do for Misha. Which was totally the wrong reason to want to do this. But he’d had such a hard time after the show ended.

Truthfully, he’d been having a hard time the last couple of years, and Jensen knew he hadn’t made things easier. Misha had never shied away from his sexuality, while Jensen had still very much been in the closet except for a few close friends.

But the whole Destiel thing had been like watching a trainwreck you just couldn’t look away from. The network and studio handled things badly and forced Misha to take the brunt of it, even though it wasn’t anywhere near the scope of his responsibility.

But he did it.

And Jensen hated it.

There had been a few bigwigs in charge who hadn't known but highly suspected that Jensen and Misha had been an item. It wasn’t like they really hid it on set, but they didn’t flaunt it either.

Misha called their remarks whenever they were on set or at a con, a microaggression.

Jensen took his word for it, as he really had no clue, other than that Misha meant it was homophobic, even if they didn’t seem to be on the surface.

So, he wanted to do something for Misha. To show him that he was loved and appreciated. And that he was committed to him, even with the show being over.

Misha and Danneel were his forever. And he never wanted either of them to forget it.

He had spent long hours over the last couple of weeks leading up to Vegas Con, talking it out with not just Misha, but with Danneel and even Vicki. They, along with the kids, were his life. And he would never make a rash decision, especially a possibly life-altering one, without consulting them first.

But they understood what he wanted. And what it could mean for all of them.

And they were all ready to stand by his side, no matter what he chose.

So, two months after he first got that cursed idea, he found himself on stage, in Vegas for the first time since the show wrapped up.

What a clusterfuck that had been. He knew it was bad as soon as it had been pitched. There were too many ways that things could go wrong by the time they got to the finale. And boy, did they ever go wrong.

Not that he was against Dean and Cas ending up together.

Jensen snuck another peek at Misha and smiled to himself. No, he definitely did not mind Dean and Cas ending up together. They deserved to be as happy as he and Misha.

The only problem was that, as he suspected, by the time push came to shove, no one was able to pull the trigger.

They’d cocked the gun and pointed it, had Cas confess, but then the execs at the studio were on edge over the dailies they’d been sent. With a global pandemic knocking on their door, they were afraid to go with anything but sticking to the status quo.

Except the show had been anything but status quo for quite some time. They were just too slow to realize.

He knew some of it was personal bias but that most of it was business. Though they managed to screw up even that.

But he was at the con, and he was going to do what he could. For everyone involved who deserved some vindication. They deserved to know they weren’t crazy.

Jensen took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd and gave them the most charming Dean Winchester smile he could manage.

And it sent them wild.

“Hey, guys!” When the crowd cheered their own greeting back at him, Jensen grinned.

With another deep breath, he steeled his nerves and mentally nudged himself forward. This had been his idea, and he still knew and agreed that it was the best idea, but that didn’t make him any less nervous.

Especially since he knew he was about to piss off the studio execs who were footing a large portion of the bill for his and Danneel’s production company.

He was almost certain he could kiss that goodbye.

“Look, I know there has been a lot of discourse since the show ended, and even more questions. I wish I could give you all the answers you’re looking for, but I hope that tonight, we can clear some things up.”

He knew it wasn’t a lot, but he wanted to be able to give the fans as much as he could, as much as he was comfortable with.

“Wow,” he said with a chuckle. “I haven’t been this nervous up on stage in a long time.”

He grinned at Rob as the music morphed and the opening bars to a Taylor Swift song kicked into his ears.

Part of him felt stupid. This was a stupid song for him to sing. But it was fitting.

He didn’t like to be backed into a corner, nor did he like his loved ones to be put into uncomfortable positions. And that had happened with most of them since their twelve-to-fifteen-year tenure on Supernatural ended.

Jensen knew he made a lot of mistakes in the last decade, and tonight he planned on correcting some of them.

A cleansing breath went through his lungs as he caught sight of Misha again, who flashed him a grin and a thumbs up.

He could do it.

He needed to do it.

Misha deserved it.

Jensen deserved it.

Their wives deserved it.

He opened his mouth and as soon as he started to croon out the first line, his voice low and smooth like a fine whiskey, the fans erupted into such a frenzy. Jensen thought might never stop grinning.

“I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you made me play of the fool

No, I don't like you

I don't like your perfect crime

How you laugh when you lie

You said the gun was mine

Isn't cool, no, I don't like you”

As Jensen finished the first verse of the song, he felt his confidence grow. He’d practiced - a lot. He knew what he was doing and he trusted the band to be there for him and back him up as they’d rehearsed.

They’d smoothed out some of the music, made it more fitting to his vocal style, and the crowd erupted as the music morphed into what was more likely to resemble a 90’s rock ballad than a Taylor Swift song.

In the back of his mind, he thought it was a little sacrilege, but he’d never admit it out loud.

“But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do”

Jensen soon found himself bopping his head along with the crowd.

With a grin, he turned and strode over to Rob, who shook his head with a hearty laugh.

“I don't like your kingdom keys

They once belonged to me

You asked me for a place to sleep

Locked me out and threw a feast (what?)”

This was it.

His moment.

Their moment.

Jensen is no longer looking at the crowd. He’s all but forgotten there is even anyone else there as he continues to sing without even thinking about it.

How could he think, when he found himself lost in the perfect storm of those blue eyes that stared back into his green ones?

He moved with purpose as he marched across the stage.

“The world moves on, another day another drama, drama

But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma

And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure

Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours”

And in one swift motion, he pulled Misha, who had taken his outstretched hand, and pulled him out on the stage and Rob picked up the vocals and sang the chorus.

They had taken a few steps back when they let go and Jensen’s hand reached up to cup Misha’s face while his left hand, which still had his microphone, snaked its way under his boyfriend’s arm and wrapped around his back.

Jensen gently pulled Misha against him, who complied, putting both his hands on Jensen’s hips as their lips met and lazily molded together.

They fit perfectly.

Kissing Misha wasn’t even something Jensen had to think about, it just came as naturally as kissing Danneel.

He was sure the crowd was going crazy, but all he could hear was the whimper he elicited from his boyfriend as their lips parted and Jensen’s tongue caressed Misha’s.

“But I got smarter

I got harder in the nick of time (nick of time)

Honey, I rose up from the dead

I do it all the time (I do it all the time)

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!”

Jensen pulled away, hand sliding down to Misha’s shoulder, breathless as always when Misha is near.

“I love you, babe,” Jensen whispered as he looked into Misha’s shining eyes that threatened to spill tears. Because even though he knew what Jensen was planning, it was real, at that moment, and Jensen could see that it was hitting Misha harder than he could have imagined.

His heart swelled as he moved his hand from cupping Misha’s shoulder to wrap around the back of his neck and pull him into a hug.

As he turned their bodies to face toward the crowd, Jensen smiled, his own teary eyes taking in the crowd that had gone wild, and dropped a soft kiss onto the top of Misha’s head.

With a grin, he stepped back and glanced over his shoulder to see Rob grinning at him. He threw the other man a wink as he gave a nod of appreciation for all his support and love not only given to him, but to Misha.

As he turned his gaze back to the crowd, a wicked grin spread across his face as he tilted his head at Misha, who was still securely snuggled into his side, and brought the microphone back to his mouth.

“Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do”

Jensen couldn’t help but chuckle into the microphone as he caught Misha’s eye roll. Of course, the older man thought he was being over the top and more protective than he needed to be. But he also knew how much it meant to him.

The look in his eyes, at the unshed tears and the smile that went on for miles, was all Jensen needed at that moment.

He knew he made the right decision. His family was more important than some job. There were plenty of things he could do besides acting or having a production company, if it actually came to that.

There was the Family Business Beer Company, there was Radio Company, not to mention the profits they turned from renovating houses and flipping them. And it wasn’t like the studio or network could now retroactively go back and undo the contract he already had for residuals from the show.

Jensen tried to swoop in and steal a kiss, but Misha let out a shy laugh and playfully pushed his face away as he gave one of his patented not-so-subtle winks. He immediately found himself letting out a chuckle as he let his arm fall from Misha’s shoulder and took a step forward, really paying attention to the crowd for the first time.

They were on their feet still, and going wild. All the bright lights from the cameras snapping pictures was a little much, especially since there wasn’t supposed to be flash photography, but he couldn’t find it in him to complain about anything at the moment.

As the bridge was about to kick in, he motioned with his hand for the crowd to join him.

“I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams

I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

I'll be the actor starring in your bad dreams”

He was grinning like a loon as he dropped his arm to his side, but he really didn’t care. Especially as he made his way back over to Misha and slid his hand home within Misha’s. They were a perfect fit.

“(Ooh, look what you made me do)

(Look what you made me do)

(Look what you just made me do)

I'm sorry

But the old Jensen can't come to the phone right now

Why? Oh, 'cause he's dead (oh)”

He knew he’d get in trouble for it later, but with a dramatic flourish, Jensen held his arm out in front of him and let the mic fall to the stage.

What were they going to do? Fire him?

As Jensen stared into the endless pools of Misha’s blue eyes, he didn’t really care what they did anymore.

He was going to do what he wanted, what felt right . And not let anyone else tell him differently.

And at that moment, all he wanted to do was kiss Misha.

His movement caught the other man by surprise, as he reached over and put one hand behind his back, and one behind his head, and gave him a slight dip before he leaned down and claimed his lips.

When they came up for air, they didn’t even realize there was anyone else in the room. They only had eyes for each other as they reached for each other at the same time, took each other’s hand, and walked off the stage as Rob and the band finished out the song.

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me-

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you made me do

Look what you just made me do

Look what you just made me do

If you want to be added or taken off my tag list, please let me know either in the comments or via a DM.

@dolphindiluna @kristina710

[gayenerd]

These are “outtakes” from Billie Joe’s 2010 Out Magazine interview. The link is still up, but for some reason they took out his answers about masculinity and femininity????? And those are obviously the most interesting answers! Anyway, here’s the whole thing I had saved in a doc

March 19, 2010

Billie Joe Armstrong Tells All

Photo: Kurt Iswarienko

Our April Broadway issue features Green Day's front man Billie Joe Armstrong chatting about music, politics, and the new musical, <i>American Idiot,</i> based on the band's last two albums. The writer of the piece (and former Popnography editor) Shana Naomi Krochmal filed the following exclusive extras from her interview with Armstrong that didn't make it into the piece. In them, Billie Joe touches on masculinity, his queer influences, and meeting Lady Gaga:

ON MASCULINITY:

Out: Is masculinity important to you?

Billie Joe Armstrong: I think it can come in handy, if it’s used the right way.

What’s the right way?

I think you learn a lot from Little League baseball. Like how to be a good team player, what do you do in situations when you’re at bat and it’s just you and another person. When you lose, how do you deal with losing? When you win, are you a good winner? And a graceful winner? How do you contribute to a team situation selflessly? I think there’s a lot of leadership skills in that. I don’t know if that’s masculinity or just good leadership or just life lessons. I just used Little League baseball because it’s male dominated.

Do your kids play?

They did. My oldest is done now, and my youngest one does. It was a real good bonding experience. I think masculinity is a lot more feminine than people give it credit for. Or it can be. Jim Morrison seemed very masculine to me, but also completely feminine at the same time. That balance in between -- and it’s not those morons on the bus in Borat. That’s not masculinity, that’s insecurity at its worse. Masculinity is something that women can have.

What is feminine about you?

I’m not sure. Let me think. It’s all about being a well rounded a person. I think being a singer is very feminine. Being a singer is a very feminine thing -- performing is definitely. Women have a lot more courage I think than men do, in a lot of ways -- if you think about what Madonna does or Lady Gaga or Beyonce. Women have a much easier time of reinventing themselves than I think men do. Hmm, I think -- a little bit of eyeliner. [Laughs] But I think there’s a big difference between vanity and femininity. I think that feminine side has served me a lot more than my masculine side has in a lot of ways.

ON PERFORMING AT THE GRAMMYS:

That was such a great night. There’s a whole thing where you’re worried about the awards part of it, and it can make you kind of irritable, kind of stressed out. But the great thing is that we had a chance to play with the cast, which has never really been done before.

ON THE MOST EMOTIONAL PARTS OF THE SHOW:

When Rebecca [Naomi Jones] sings “Letterbomb,” that really blows me away. The scene where Tunny’s on the gurneys and they’re singing “Before the Lobotomy.” And “Last Night on Earth” is an amazing scene with the couple doing this heroin dance. Tony [Vincent] is singing the song -- the first verse while they’re slamming smack -- and then the next verse is Mary coming out with a baby that she’s had with a guy who turns out to be a loser father. I get chills thinking about it right now. The juxtaposition between the two scenes is like -- wow.

ON WRITING AN ORIGINAL MUSICAL:

I’d definitely be interested in it. I think we’re in a really rare situation where this is gaining momentum. I don’t want to screw it up by working on something else. I’d love to do something with Michael [Mayer]. I’ve always wanted to see what it would be like to score a film -- but this, this is even more special, I think.

ON KNOWING TOO MUCH:

When you start getting into politics, what I’ve realized is that if it seems to be black and white, it’s shooting off into so many different directions. You can’t really keep up with what’s happening in the House of Representatives. Things like Hurricane Katrina, Haiti, troops in Afghanistan, financial crisis -- even Tiger Woods. It seems to be one thing after the next.

ON HIS QUEER INFLUENCES:

My uncle. There were different punk singers, from a guy named Cretin Chaos in Social Unrest to guys like Morrissey. And also guys that would genderbend a little, like Bowie, or Mike Ness from Social Distortion wearing makeup. I’ve always liked music that was non-gender specific, like the Replacements song called “Androgynous.” It was just always those little things or people that were willing to make you think, whoa, that’s not what I’m hearing on the radio these days.

ON MEETING LADY GAGA AT THE MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS:

She had this outfit on -- she had so much shit on her when she walked by! She couldn’t move her arm because she was going on to do her performance, and it was like shaking hands with someone in a cast. She had this handler that was like, “Don’t touch the costume! Don’t touch the costume!” She said something about how she loved Dookie so much she used to lick the pages. I thought it was really cool. She’s influencing a lot of young people, and she’s doing it in a way that’s provocative. And a lot of people don’t realize that she’s an artist, and she’s been one for a really long time. She’s taking something that Bowie or Madonna did and taking it a step further.

ON WHAT IT MEANS TO BE “PUNK ROCK”:

That’s like a 10 part answer. I think of it as something that you need to have of your own. For me it’s about community. I think it’s kind of spiritual in its own way, because people fight over it so much and the meaning of it. It’s a sense of self-discovery. But also a new set of ideas and a new poetry, a new music that you discover that you notice that no one else is really into, or goes against what other people are normally into. It’s like you’re free to be an individual and taking on new ideas and challenging old ideas. I think it has a lot to do with burning down the establishment to create something new. But at the same time, you find relationships within that too. It’s something that’s supposed to empower you. It’s about starting something new. Part of the problem with a lot of punk rock is that people believe that it’s supposed to be one thing. Everything for me starts off with punk rock when I’m writing songs -- it’s almost like I’m stripped down to the bare bones of music again. It’s kind of in my DNA in this point.

ON HIS WIFE, ADRIENNE:

She’s great. She’s beautiful. Without her, I don’t know what I’d do. She empowers me to challenge myself in a lot of ways. She inspired the song “American Idiot” by playing me this Midnight Oil song that she really loved. She runs a store called Atomic Garden, all about sustainable living. She’s really active in NRDC, politically. Sometimes I think she’s a hell of a lot more interesting and a cooler person than I am.

ON HIS “MISERABLE��� HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE:

Academically you have to completely re-figure out how to prioritize your life. And suddenly you feel like the whole fucking world is against you because they’re prioritizing for you. And it’s forced on you. And if you don’t get it at that age, if you don’t catch it -- that’s what happened to me, I didn’t prioritize anything. I just got to a breaking point where it was like, by my later high school years, “You’re all full of shit anyway. Everyone’s full of shit. I know what I’m doing, and fuck school, and fuck schoolwork, and I’m not going to go to fucking college anyway, and I’m gonna play in a rock band, and you’re all gonna be sorry.” You get vengeful -- it’s a natural instinct, all those hormones going and shit.

ON BEING HAPPIER AT AGE 38:

I kind of feel like things are getting better. It goes in stages. I loved my early twenties. I hated my late twenties. I was a drunk. I was trying to figure out how to be a father, a husband, but I still wanted to live my life like a crazy punk rock rock star. You start noticing things about yourself. You have to change your health habits. But you don’t want to change. In your twenties, change is hitting you over the head whether you like it or not. Right when I got to about 30 I was like, thank God that’s over. But it gets complicated again.

[masterofmunson]

all i ask of you (1)

Harry Styles x Fem!Reader Broadway AU

Summary: You’re forced to work with your famous ex boyfriend on Broadway.

Word Count: 3.7k+

Warnings: language

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! I’m extremely excited for this mini series. I’m still planning it out right now, but it shouldn’t be longer than 7-8 parts if it goes according to plan. I also know next to nothing about theater/Broadway. I was an athlete in high school and I can’t sing to save my life haha. So I apologize for any discrepancies. I’m trying my best here. Please let me know what you think! Enjoy!

here is the playlist to accompany the series!

“Oh my gosh, Harry!” you shout, holding your face in your hands. You grin into your palms and heat spreads down your neck. 

Harry laughs. You hear him walk towards you. His soft giggles touch the shell of your ear. He gently pulls your hands away from your face. He kisses your knuckles sweetly before pouting at you. 

“Pretty, please, baby,” he begs softly. His hands gently hold yours. 

“No. Absolutely not. I’m too embarrassed!”

He frowns, pulling you up from the chair you’re sat in. He sets your arms over his shoulders and you stand in the middle of his small private studio. 

“You’re going to school for music ‘n you’re too shy to sing f’ me? Me? I’m your crazy talented boyfriend. We should be making duet cover albums right now.”

You whine, shaking your head at him. “Harry, this is different! We’ve been friends for so long and now that we’re dating, it’s different. You want me to sing on the back track of your first single as a solo artist. That’s a big deal. I can’t do that.”

Harry kisses you again and smiles. “Sure you can. ‘M asking you to. It won’t take long. The back track is the only thing missing.”

“I’m only doing one verse,” you argue, “and you’re doing the rest. You can’t watch me record it either. I can’t focus when you’re looking at me like that. Take it or leave it.”

Harry laughs, pulling you into his chest and he kisses you warmly. “If it’s the only way I get to hear you sing, I’ll take it.”

… 

Jane had been acting weird since the moment she woke up. She didn’t return your quiet good morning as the two of you drink your morning coffees together. She wouldn’t look you in the eye when you asked if she was okay. It was weird to say the least. It was out of her character. 

The two of you went to Northwestern’s Drama school and have been friends ever since. She was the voice of reason when you nearly turned down your first Broadway performance. She followed you three months later and you’ve lived together ever since. 

It’s been nearly four years since the two of you moved to New York for Broadway. It was a weird transition at first. You moved from California, to Illinois, and finally to New York within five years and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re doing what you love and you wouldn’t trade it for a second. It was the prime reason you and your ex-boyfriend broke up. 

It was a short relationship. It lasted the summer following your last year of college. You spent your last summer at home knowing you wouldn’t return. You had no idea you would be dating someone at that time. You broke the news that you would not be returning to California. You thought you’d be able to do long distance due to the nature of his job. You thought he would be thrilled for you. You were friends with his manager’s girlfriend and they were all happy for you. They knew how much you wanted to be on Broadway and away from California. You were meant for New York and everyone knew that. 

He didn’t want to do long distance and you didn’t want to give up your dream, so you broke up. It didn’t matter that he was one of your closest friends before you started dating. He knew you dreamed of being on Broadway and now that it was coming true, he wanted you to choose. It broke your heart, but you wouldn’t compromise and he wouldn’t either. It was okay for you to be selfish. You were following your dream. 

The last you heard, he released a second album that is no doubt successful. You have no desire to listen to it. It would open old wounds. You were too stubborn and proud and didn’t care to listen to what you’ve heard is a great album. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Jane? You’re being weird and not acting like yourself,” you tell her with genuine concern as the two of you walk down the street towards the back lot of the theater.

“Have you heard the news?” Jane asks you, avoiding your question entirely. You swipe your electronic key to the theater on the keypad attached to the back door. You open the door and step inside. Jane follows behind you and shuts the door behind her. 

Your brows crease in confusion and you turn to look at her. “What news? What are you talking about?” 

Jane’s face noticeably falls. Her brown eyes widen and she nervously scratches the back of her neck. You know that reaction like the back of your hand. She just asked you a question about something you knew nothing about. You were in the dark and she shouldn’t have asked you. She lets out a careful breath before speaking again, “They stunt casted Raoul.”

Your heart drops. Why didn’t the director or the casting director tell you? Why didn’t John tell you? You had grown quite close to your on-stage love interest and he didn’t have the courtesy to tell you he was leaving the show. You worked together on the show for nearly a year and now you have to start over entirely with whoever took his place. 

It wasn’t easy getting comfortable with John. You hadn’t had a big lead like Christine before. You were a supporting character in all the shows you were in up until last year. John showed you the ropes. He helped you gain confidence in your ability to play a lead. Now you’re going to have to rebuild the chemistry with whoever took his place.

Now that she mentions it, you’re going to have to work with a pretentious celebrity. You’ve only been in one other show when they’ve stunt casted a character. It didn’t go over well. He was demanding and hard to work with. It was the longest nine weeks of your life. You hate when shows stunt cast. 

You groan, rolling your eyes. “Great. Do you know who it is?”

Jane laughs nervously. She bites the inside of her cheek. She avoids your gaze and fumbles with her phone. “Unfortunately I do.”

You raise a brow at her. It makes you anxious because of her nervous tone. She doesn’t want to tell you. In the eight years you’ve known each other, she hasn’t kept a secret from you. She won’t start now. “Why do you sound like you’re about to break bad news to me? Who is it?” 

You gently reach for her arm and the two of you stop in the narrow hallway backstage and Jane’s brown eyes meet yours. She takes a careful breath in before speaking, “They stunt casted Harry.”

Your eyes widen and you gasp. The wind is knocked out of you. You can barely breathe. You grab on the wall for support. Jane frowns. “I overheard Frank and Nancy talking about it yesterday when I was in the green room grabbing my phone. He must’ve done a video audition since we’ve been here every day this past week. Today’s his first day. I wanted to tell you last night, but I wasn’t sure how. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

You swallow hard and shake off the shock. You stand up straight and let out a puff of air. You start walking down the hall towards your dressing room. “It’s fine,” you respond. “It’s been years. I’m different and so is he. Besides, he won’t be here very long. Frank will be looking to cast his replacement while he’s here anyway.”

You push open the door to your dressing room and Jane follows closely behind you. Jane nearly steps on your heels when you stop in the middle of the doorway. She peeks around your arm and her eyes widen. 

Your eyes meet Harry’s and it’s clear he’s just as shocked to see you as you are of him. He clearly didn’t anticipate your reunion to be so soon. You swallow hard and step into the room. You drop your bag on your makeup table and turn to face him. You reach for your script and hold it to your chest. Your water bottle dangles from your fingers. Your eyes meet Jane’s quickly as she stands frozen in the middle of the doorway looking between you and Harry. 

You cough uncomfortably and force a smile on to your face as you stare at Harry. “Hi, Harry,” you greet him. “It’s good to see you.”

Harry blinks before standing up from his chair. He takes a small step towards you and you raise a brow at him questionably. He doesn’t take another step. He knows better than to try and hug you. He smiles uncomfortably and rings his fingers together. He fiddles with his rings and you hate that you know that it’s a nervous habit of his. 

“Hey,” he says, biting the inside of his cheek anxiously. “It’s nice to see you. You look good.”

You nod uncomfortably and scratch at your arm. “Well, um, we should go to the stage. They’ll be expecting us and they need to introduce you to the rest of the cast.”

“Right, right,” he nods. His eyes move towards Jane. Her arms are crossed and she’s glaring at him. “Hi, Jane.”

“Harry,” she spat as you tug on her arm and pull her out of the room, leaving Harry behind. 

You let out a careful breath and shake out your shoulders as you make your way to the stage. You ignore Jane’s swears and grumbles as you pull her along with you. You just need to get through today. It will get easier as time goes on. You haven’t seen him in four years. Everything will be fine. 

You sit down on stage and pull Jane down with you. She huffs and Aaron nudges you gently. You turn your attention on him and he nods at Jane. 

“What’s up with Jane?” Aaron asks you, leaning back on his hands. 

“She’s just being Jane,” you answer vaguely, rubbing your hands on your thighs anxiously. Your eyes linger on the side of the stage, anticipating Harry’s inevitable arrival. You hate it. 

Harry walks on stage behind Frank, the director of the show, a few seconds later. The cast murmurs and gasps at the sight of him and all you want to do is shrivel up and die. You avoid his gaze. You stare down into your lap awkwardly. 

Frank claps his hands together and you look up to watch him. “As you may have heard, John has made the decision to leave the show. As sad as it is, it has given us as a company to work with none other than the fabulous Harry Styles in the meantime,” he exclaims. It makes your blood boil and you grit your teeth. “He will be with us for the next six weeks as Raoul. We want him to feel at home while he’s here, so don’t be shy and introduce yourselves. As of right now, however, I want Aaron and Y/n to work with Harry. Everyone else knows what to do.”

You resist the urge to pout and groan. It’s not Frank’s fault. You have to remind yourself of that. No one knows that you used to date Harry. He’s an incredibly private person and it was no exception while you were dating. It’s not like you wanted to broadcast you were an ex of his either. You’re not Kendall Jenner or Taylor Swift, so why would anyone care? You’re nothing compared to the celebrities he’s dated or has been linked to in the past. 

Jane squeezes your hand in silent support before running off to work on her lines. Aaron helps you up from the floor and you walk towards Harry with Aaron at your side. You ignore Harry’s lingering eyes. 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Aaron introduces himself, shaking Harry’s hand. “Your new album is fantastic. I’m super excited to work with you, and I’m sure Y/n is too.”

“Thank you, I’m excited as well. I’ve never thought I’d be on Broadway. It was always Y/n’s thing, anyway,” Harry replies. 

Your eyes widen and you swallow hard. Shit. Now they know that you know Harry. This is already turning into a disaster. You want nothing more than to strangle Harry. 

“Oh?” Aaron turns to look at you. You wipe your hands against the sides of your jeans nervously. “You never told me you knew Harry, Y/n.”

You laugh uncomfortably. You bite the inside of your cheek and let out an anxious breath. You need to save your ass. You have to for the sake of the show. They don’t need to know that you used to date. They don’t need to know that Harry broke your heart. 

“It’s never come up in conversation,” you respond easily. “I’m friends with his manager’s girlfriend. That’s how we know each other. I haven’t seen him in forever. It’s been four years since we’ve seen each other.”

Your eyes flicker towards Harry. His eyes are trained on you and you can’t decipher the look on his face. You’re not exactly lying, but you’re not telling the full truth either. 

Yes, you are friends with Glenn. Yes, you haven’t seen him in forever. 

No one has to know you used to go to his house and kiss the famous Harry Styles senseless, least of all your co-star and director. 

“Sweet,” Aaron replies. He laughs and turns to Harry again. “You’ll have to give me all the dirt you have on her later. I don’t buy the fact that she doesn’t like New York Style pizza.”

You resist the urge to elbow Aaron in the gut. Harry could potentially air out all your dirty laundry if he wanted to. All Aaron has to do is ask. 

Harry laughs uncomfortably. “Yeah—”

“Not that I don’t enjoy the fact that the three of you are already getting along, but we have a lot to do today,” Frank interrupts, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. It makes you jump. Your nervousness is out of this world. 

“Right, right, sorry,” Harry apologizes. 

You tune out immediately. Your eyes drift up to the ceiling as Frank talks. Blood rushes through your ears and you have to remind yourself that Harry’s only here for six weeks. It’s just six weeks. You can survive six weeks. He’ll be gone soon enough and you’ll go back to never thinking about him. Hopefully you won’t run into him four years from now. He’ll disappear out of your life in six weeks. It’ll be fine. 

“Y/n, I want you to start from the beginning with Harry. We’ll work our way up to blocking next week and have a dress rehearsal before his debut. It’ll be a very long, tiring week, but I have faith in you. Start with the scenes with just the two of you and we’ll work our way up from there. Let me know when you’ve warmed up so I can be there. Julie is waiting for you in rehearsal room two.”

You nod slowly and you walk off stage towards the rehearsal room. Harry follows behind you and you step inside the room. Harry shuts the door and you hug Julie. 

“Hi, Harry. I’m Julie, one of the vocal coaches on staff. I’ll be helping you get acquainted with Y/n’s vocal abilities so you know when to project. I know this is redundant, but Broadway is an art within itself. It’s much different from what you’re used to.”

Harry nods, shaking her hand before opening his script. You take a quick peek and notice that it’s already marked up. At least he’s prepared. 

“I’m excited to learn,” Harry tells her with an eager smile. “I’m a fast learner.”

“Good, now let’s warm up.”

You set your script and water bottle down before shaking out your hands. You let out a nervous breath and ignore Harry’s lingering gaze. 

In the short time you were with Harry, you were too bashful and insecure to sing in front of him. He’s the rockstar. He’s the celebrity with millions of adoring fans. He’s worshiped and you are not. 

Your insecurities always got the better of you. You knew you were talented. You went to one of the best theater schools in the country. However, you actively avoided singing around Harry while you were dating. It didn’t matter that you could sing circles around him. He was the one with the fame and following. You were a broke college graduate. 

You start to warm up and avoid looking over at Harry as you sing. You stop when Julie says your name. Harry approaches you and you start to warm up together. 

You warm up for another five minutes before Julie stops you. You take a drink of water before grabbing your script. The door opens and you turn to look behind you. 

Frank enters with Aaron behind him. 

“Let’s start in the middle of Think of Me, right before Raoul enters,” Julie states. 

You nod and Harry reaches for his script. He flips through the pages and Julie sits down at the piano. Her eyes flicker towards Harry. 

“Remember, this is the first time Raoul sees Christine since they were children. He’s enamored by her, so you need to convey that in your singing.”

Harry nods and Julie starts to play the piano. You start to sing and Harry’s eyes soften as he looks at you. You’re clearly more comfortable than he is. You’re in your element. He is not. 

Harry misses his cue and you turn to look at him. The piano stops and Harry’s face flushes an embarrassing shade of pink. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes. “I’m a bit nervous.”

Your brows crease in disbelief. You don’t believe him. There’s only five of you in the room. He’s performed in front of hundreds of thousands of fans and he’s nervous now? You don’t buy it. 

Julie starts the piano again and you start over. He starts to sing and your eyes meet his. You sing again until Frank cuts you off. 

It’s obvious that he notices how tense you are. You’re staring at Harry like you want to kill him. You’re not looking at him like Christine would be looking at Raoul when they see each other for the first time after so many years apart. You don’t feel an ounce of love or compassion for him, and it’s conveyed on your face. 

“Listen, I know Harry’s taking John’s place and it’s only natural that you miss him, but we don’t have time for an awkward stage. You need to be comfortable with Harry. I know you can do it. Let’s try All of Ask of You.”

You grit your teeth, resisting the urge to snap at your director. You force yourself to relax and shake away your anger. You set your script down on top of the piano and turn towards Harry. He flips through his script again and Julie starts playing the piano. 

Harry’s eyes meet yours and he briefly looks down at his script before he starts to sing. It makes you feel weird. You hadn’t sang together while you were dating and now you’re being forced to as exes. 

You relax your shoulders and your fiery gaze as you sing. It makes your heart race as you look at each other and you hate it. You absolutely hate it. You’re singing about love and always being there for each other, something your relationship with Harry lacked in the first place. 

The song ends and you turn to look over at Frank and Aaron. Frank claps, clearly happy with how the two of you sang. It was definitely better than before. You swallow hard and drink your water. 

“Great start. I’m happy with the progress. I know that it’s only day one, but we have ten days until Harry’s debut and it’ll fly by. These next ten days are going to be very long and very tiring, but it’ll be worth it in the end. I want the two of you to spend some time together outside the theater. Aaron told me that you do know each other, but you need to be comfortable enough to sell that your characters are in love. Keep in mind, you kiss about five or six times throughout the show. It’ll help the character’s chemistry if the two of you get reacquainted off stage.”

You resist the urge to scoff. You don’t need reminding that you have to kiss Harry. The last  thing you want is to kiss your ex boyfriend, but you have to. Now it’s your job. 

You nod and so does Harry. Frank and Aaron leave and you tune out Julie again. 

You do as you’re told. You help Harry when you need to as you get comfortable singing with him. It takes much longer than you anticipated and you try your best not to snap at him. Julie doesn’t need to know that Harry is your ex boyfriend. 

When it’s time for lunch, you disappear to find Jane. You find her in your dressing room waiting for you. You pull your coat on and grab your purse. 

“Ready?” Jane asks you. 

“God, yes. I need a drink,” you tell her. 

Jane laughs, shaking her head at you. “It’s only 11:30.”

You roll your eyes at her. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”

“It was that bad?”

“Don’t even get me started,” you roll your eyes. 

You walk out of your dressing room and nearly run into Harry. You stumble back into Jane and Harry reaches for your shoulders to steady you. You glare at him and pull away from his touch. 

You step around Harry and he says your name softly. “Where are you going?”

“Lunch. I’ll be back in an hour.”

You walk out of the theater with Jane at your side. You let out a loud sigh of relief. “Jesus, this is going to be the longest six weeks of my life.”

Jane laughs loudly as the two of you walk down the street to your favorite deli. 

[b-yeonder]

Hey are the requests open? If so, can you do a a-z nsfw for Lucifer? If they're not open then please ignore this. Anyways, I love your writing and I'm looking forward to more 😊😊😊

I’ve never done one of these before so I hope it’s okay. Also I struggle to take anything seriously so of course there’s gonna be some dumb shit in here. Anyway, hope you enjoy and thank you so much! 

Warnings: NSFW, mentions of murder

NSFW A-Z: LUCIFER

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Lucifer can be rough - he's known to be a sadist after all but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to look after you once he's had his way. Softens his voice, asks if you're okay, if there's anything you need. Will clean you up and praise you for how well you did. If it's him needing the aftercare, he's very quiet, playing over what just happened. Appreciates a drink and gentle caresses to bring him back down to earth

B = Body Part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I think that Lucifer has quite a lot of insecurities - being told you're perfect all the time can make you dwell more on your flaws (or what you deem to be flaws.) But one thing he does like is his eyes. He knows he can make you lose yourself in his eyes with a single look. One look from across the room and he can have you begging for him within moments.On you he loves your hands. He doesn't let many people get close, let alone touch him, but your hands can ease his pains and make him feel loved. Massages, caresses, the way you hold his head against your chest at night, or the way you grip his cock so eagerly once he's riled you up. Also ties into a little somethin' I'll mention below in the D section eh ehhhh. (Oh and your mouth is a close second. (And not just because you called him baby boy once and had him malfunctioning for a whole hour.))

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Lucifer doesn't like the thought of cleaning up, so prefers to cum inside you - it's his main way of showing that you're his. But accidents happen and there have been times he's slipped out at the last minute and coated the skin of your stomach/back and for a moment he found himself admiring it - like a new way of marking you as his. Oh he also likes painting your tongue with his cum too because watching you swallow it makes his pride bl o s s o m.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Dirty to him anyway - he actually likes submitting to you. (Once you two are quite established.) Shock horror! But you're the only one he trusts to completely let loose with, and sometimes when you have this much pressure on you it's nice to let someone else take control. BE HONOURED. OH and the hand thing. He will fucking worship your digits. Kiss 'em, suck 'em, nuzzle 'em. OOF. 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's been around for a long time, so it goes without saying he's had plenty of experience. He's well versed in the basics and is quick to pick up on every little thing you like to use against you (in the best way possible).

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Likes being able to see your face, to watch every little sound escape your lips, every little sign of pleasure. Feeds off of it. But is not averse to shoving you face first into the mattress and fucking you senseless until you can barely utter a word. So y'know depends on his mood really. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Serious. But dumb shit can happen during sex and even the Mighty First is not immune to this. Will laugh stuff off and get things quickly back on track by muttering naughty things in that delicious voice of his. If you insist on being jokey he'll insist on making it so you can't do anything but moan ;)

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He's a busy guy, but he makes sure to always be groomed. This does mean that things get on top of him and well...don't blame the overworked tired bean if he gets a little unruly down there sometimes, okay?

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

He's almost always quietly praising/encouraging you - in between the teasing of course. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He's a stressed mess, he needs to release his frustrations somehow. Does it less so since you came along, and honestly didn't masturbate too often before, but when he does it's a scene. He takes his time, making sure to work up to a glorious finish so that he can truly relax afterwards.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Probably has a Sir or Daddy kink. Kinda likes choking you as well. One time your hand slipped from his chest to his throat without you thinking and that's when he realised he kinda likes being choked too oii oiiii.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

His freakin' giant glorious bed because he's old and has back pain. Also bending you over his desk after rather troublesome days works too.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You teasing him throughout the day. "MC you're eating that corn too sexually I'm going to have to teach you a lesson later." "Did you just call me mum? I don't care if it's an accident, I'm going to have to punish you later." "Did you just breathe? That's it, you asked for it." In all seriousness he rarely shows his want for you on the outside, but inside he'll be raring to ravage you. Depends on the day - one day you could have him popping a boner simply by rubbing your foot against his calf. The next, stripping naked and grinding on his face might not even make him blink. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

"Roleplay as Satan for me, Lucifer." You're probably dead before you even finish speaking those words, sorry I don't make the rules. (Oh wait I kinda do right now oops.)

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Prefers to give as he likes having the power over you to make you come completely undone. Can feel a little vulnerable receiving - maybe he got bitten by a devious ex lover, who knows, but once you get going and his confidence with you grows he likes nothing more than grabbing the back of your head and urging you to take more of him.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He can be both. Fast and rough are his go-to, and when he does go slow, his thrusts are still usually on the harder side.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He loves taking his time with you, as he likes driving you crazy for him but if the mood calls for it he has no issues with bending you over his desk and taking you right then and there. Will probably take extra care of you next time.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Damn straight he's down to experiment. Is curious to see how far both of you can go and what you're willing to do. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Only one round, his back hurts too much. I'm kidding, he can go a few rounds, and can last a long time. There have been a couple occasions he's cum rather fast - either when drunk, or it's been a while since the last time. Gets very embarrassed over it but knows it's natural and happens sometimes. (That’s not the norm though, he promises.)

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He got a bit crazy when you came along. Anything you like the sound of, he has. Already had blindfolds and things to bind you with - rope, ribbons, string cheese, you name it. But now you're here he has a whole collection of toys to tease you with. Even has a favourite vibrator he loves to leave strapped to your thigh so you can't get away from it. Ah, good times.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Biiitch. BIiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. This monster is the biggest tease. "Hm...I'm not sure you deserve my cock today, MC. Now now, begging will get you nowhere." (It probably will eventually, just saying. ...Maybe.) He'll leave you on read for days but magically turn up just as you're about to pleasure yourself like "nuhuh bitch, not today."

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Fairly quiet - any sounds he does make are low in his throat, deep. Loses control closer to reaching his climax - gets breathier, speaks a little louder and noises are more frequent. Buuut once he did manage to wake up everyone in the house but that was because you'd been teasing him all day, you hadn’t slept together in like a week, and he'd been drinking and-- the list of excuses go on.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Was once convinced to try out women's underwear once after a conversation with Asmo and was pleasantly surprised by how nice his ass looked. Will never EVER tell anyone this though, not even you and shit I shouldn't even be writing this he's probably gonna-- Oh heyyy Lucifer, nothing to see here I was jus--*gurrKH*

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Decent length, decent thickness. Just enough to take a bit of work to fit in but not too much that it's uncomfortable, y'know?

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not very high, definitely not above average. Can definitely go without, but his mind might wander.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends how tired he is, and how much is on his mind. You'll probably be the one to fall asleep first most of the time, which is great because he's good at giving after-sex cuddles. Plus your steady breathing makes it easier for him to sleep as well so...win win?

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

Chapter 3 - Unexpected texts

Synopsys: The name of the series is super random, don't mind me. Reader is a postgraduate student at NYU, made a docuseries on her research, and the show got picked up by Netflix. She goes on a press tour and meets Tom on a ‘chat show’. They get together and she decides to stay for a few days in London with him. This could be an amazing few days or more? It’s been interesting writing how they’ll deal with distance and tight schedules once ‘honeymoon’ is over...

Heads up: my first language is Portuguese, so that might explain some things here - of course, I wrote thinking about myself hahaha

Warnings for the series: mention of illicit drugs, angst caused by distance, smut (next chapters, very explicit), anxiety caused by paparazzi, and rude random people taking photos.

Other than that, this is just my guilty pleasure writing so lots of caring sweet Tom and fluffiness.

Chapter 1 - A new city

Chapter 2 - Show time

Chapter 3 - Unexpected texts

This is 2.4k words (approximately)

Later, you were just laying in your hotel room and watching some tv, or telly how they say over here. You wanted to get some sleep and maybe call your parents to tell them about the day. It was so crazy, you didn’t think they’d quite grasp how crazy, but you wanted to include them anyway. I guess maybe especially because of that. Tomorrow you guys had to be at the station super early for the Radio 1 Breakfast with Greg James. 6 o’clock you thought it was that David had told you. You might as well check with him and set an alarm already. So you went to grab you phone for texting him and got a text from an unknown number.

The contact you had saved as “Tom Holland” (with the air quote marks) was calling on Facetime. Shit. This couldn’t be him. Could it? Have you even given your personal number to the producer at Graham? Shit. Just answer it and kill Lukas. You pressed the green button and the screen was dark. There was some music in the background, but it was a little muffled. And sure enough, there he was. Smiling at the phone slightly bellow his eye level. He’s hot. You look like shit with zero makeup and your hair in a crazy pony tail.

“Hi!” He said laughing. “Do you believe me now?”

“Hi…this is embarrassing. Sorry! I have the worst friends and is just like them to try to pull a prank on me because of this” You answered.

“No worries, darling. I’m a little sad you’d think me texting you is laughable though.” He joked.

“You know what I mean! Like I said, Tom Hanks wanting to work together I would have an easier time believing.” You laughed.

“Maybe I want to work together. By the way, I’m glad you did, but for future reference, you probably shouldn’t use your personal number for these things.” He advised you.

“Well, it’s not like I have more than one number so…” You told him.

“Your agent’s then.” He clarified.

“I don’t have an ‘agent’.” You emphasized the last word.

“Well, you should probably get one then, darling. Trust me on this one.” He was walking and the music got louder for an instant and then muffled again. Looks like a bar or the outside of a bar at least.

“Are you in a bar?” You asked him laughing.

“Excuse me, not a bar, a PUB. And no, I’m on the sidewalk of a pub, actually. Going home.” He said. “And you are…?”

You were kind of getting what he wanted from you and that was kind of annoying actually. He’s a movie star for god’s sake. Can’t he get a girl in whatever pub he’s at right now? “Busy actually.” You answered him.

“Oh sorry. Terrible timing, huh? I asked for your number this afternoon, after the show. But the bloody PA just sent me it right now. He might lose his job for this. Took him a lot of convincing, ya know?” He was talking and walking, you could see he was clearly trying to start a conversation and all that in the middle of the street.

“So you just got it and couldn’t wait to text me huh?” You teased.

“Kind of, yeah. The two pints probably helped me build the nerve. I’m not usually like this. I barely facetime my friends.” He told you.

“And in the middle of the street. If you get mugged, I don’t want to be accounted.” You were relaxing a bit and sat on the bed leaning on the headboard. He laughed at your joke. Maybe he was just drunk and not really after a booty call. “I thought you british were famous for spending nights at the pub. Why you leaving so early, anyway?” You asked.

“Got to get up early tomorrow for a work out.” He answered simply.

“Of course you do” You said.

“And I much rather talk to you too.” He said.

Silence. What do you answer to that? Is he flirting with you? He’s definitely flirting with you.

“Ahem” He cleared his throat. “I really did liked your show, you know? It’s really something.” He said.

“You did? Thank you. Means a lot.” You said. “I’m still shocked it’s getting this much attention, to be honest.”

“Why? I’m shocked no one’s done it before. Is such a good idea. But maybe if they’ve done it, it wouldn’t be the same. Cause your presenting is probably what makes it that good.” He had stopped walking and you could hear keys juggling in his hand. “I live really close to the pub. I know” He laughed and you laughed back. “Hey!” He said to someone outside the screen and started to walk up stairs.

“Do you live with someone else? Your parents?” You asked.

“Uhh…no, no. I mean yeah, my mates Harrison and Tuwaine and my brother Harry. It’s just Tuwaine and his girlfriend downstairs though, I think.” He told you while taking off his shoes.

“Hey don’t go cockblock your friend now” You laughed.

“Never. And always.” He joked back. “Thought you’d be out enjoying London tonight, or were you planning on going out later?” He asked you in a thick accent.

“What? No, I’m a serious business girl. No time for shenanigans” You said laughing, so he’d know you were joking.

“Shenanigans” He laughed back. “Your English is better than mine you know?”

“Oh I’m sure” You answered sarcastically. “Flattering will get you far, but lying will not”

“I’m serious. If you haven’t said it today I’d think you’re American. You kind of have a New Yorker accent” He said.

“Yeah? ‘Fuhgeddaboudit’” You said in a thick accent and you laughed together. It was fun talking to him.

“What other languages do you speak?” He asked you when you stopped laughing.

“Portuguese, English…Spanish, Italian, a little bit, and German” You answered while counting your fingers.

“No way. Say something in German. By the way, I’m still here, I’ll just change these clothes.” He said while putting the phone on the nightstand and getting out of the frame. He was taking off his clothes, you thought. And he wanted you to say something in German.

“Nennen sie das Ärger?” You said, without thinking everything through.

“Now say the same in Portuguese” You heard his voice but didn’t see him.

“É isso que eles chamam de problema?” You said again.

“Yeah, portuguese is defenitely sexier.” He laughed and grabbed the phone again to sit on the bed. He was shirtless and with his head on the headboard of the bed. “What did you said anyway?”

“Excuse me, I wasn’t aware I’d have to translate it.” You mocked being offended.

“Oh so it WAS dirty. I thought I was imagining.” He teased you.

“You’re smooth.” You shook your head. “I’m still not saying it. You’ll just have to learn Portuguese, or German.”

“I’ll learn Portuguese if you teach me.” He said. “How long are you here for?”

“Just till tomorrow.” You said. “Flying back to New York tomorrow night.”

“More interviews?” He asked.

“Tomorrow’s the last one actually. But I’m traveling with David, he makes the show with me, and I’ve kept him from his fiancé long enough. That and we have to prepare for big meeting with executives next week, you know find an agent and stuff.”

“I could talk to my agent if you want to, he’s an actors agent but maybe he knows someone for other kinds of jobs” He said. “You don’t have a fiancé to get back to, do you?”

“No. No fiancé or jobs for that matter.” You laughed. “And I’m not even sure what kind of jobs would those be.”

“Publicity deals. If I had a brand, I’d want you to be the face of it. It’s the face of diversity and youth, isn’t it? It’s a beautiful face” He said.

“The face of diversity and youth?” You laughed. “Now you’re the one confusing me with Tom Hanks” You joked and he laughed out loud. “I could use some friendly recommendation though, on the agent thing. I don’t even know where to start looking and sounds like the type of thing you don’t want to ask the wrong people” You added.

“Yeah, sure. He’ll know someone for sure.”

“Thank you”

“Glad to help! Really!” He smiled at you. “So where you going tomorrow?”

“Breakfast show at Radio 1. Greg James I think” You answered.

“Oh he’s great! We were there today. You’ll have a great time! It’s a bit early, no? Am I keeping you from sleep? Do you want to hang up?” He was cute, all concern and stuff.

“Yes, yes and no. I’m enjoying you keeping me from sleep.” You said. Maybe it was the time, but that was kind of bold Ana. Good job?

“Good. I’m enjoying it too.” He said while you were getting under the duvet, getting cozy. “Are you enjoying London? What’s your favorite place so far?”

“I loved what I’ve seen from the car window” You answered sadly. “And all the studios we’ve seen.” You laughed a little. “But since we’ve landed it’s been go go go.”

“That’s a great song though.”

“I can’t believe you got that reference.” You said surprised. You love The Maine.

“I love The Maine. Honest. ‘Where I come from you learn to make the best of things’”

“‘But honey since we’ve met you know you’ve had the best of me’” You mock singed together and laughed when you finished the verse.

“OH MY GOD DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?” He joked while laughing.

“YES! AND WE CAN GET ON THE ROAD CHASING INDIE BANDS ON TOUR?” You joked back.

“I mean, that’s the dream, that’s the dream.” He said. “I can’t believe that you haven’t seen London though. Wish you’d stay longer, I could take you some places. If you’d like, of course” He said.

“Don’t you have work? I though movie stars didn’t have time for tourism in their own home town” You teased.

“I’m sure movie stars don’t. Good thing I’m not one.” He said smirking.

“Ok, and where would you take me then?” You asked. Where you really contemplating extending your trip just right now? Get a grip on yourself woman.

“Uh, I don’t know. Parks?”

“Parks?” You laughed.

“And pubs.” He laughed too. “To be honest those are the only places I go to when I’m home. I take my dog on walks and drink with friends.”

“Doesn’t sound like a bad life to me.”

“No, I guess not.”

You guys kept talking for hours about everything and nothing. Favorite music, food, drinks, spots for each of those in different cities. You lived in NY but had lived in Berlin before and he was interested in that and you were very interested to hear about the places he’d been, but mostly about London.

“So you actually live here?” You asked him.

“What you mean? London? Yeah.”

“But don’t you work more in LA and stuff? You have a place there too?”

“Uh, no, actually. I don’t work there as much. No as much to justify getting a place anyway. If I’m honest, I haven’t stayed in the same place for too much time, unless I’m off work. And then I’ll be here. Closer to the family. Friends. You know.” He told you.

“That’s nice. It sucks to be away all the time”

“You probably know what I mean. There was a time I was considering getting a place in LA, you know, that whole Hollywood thing. And I was kind of seeing someone there at the time, so that might have had some influence in the decision. We were looking at houses and they were amazing, huge and crazily luxurious.”

“You were going to move in together?”

“No, she was just helping me look for places. Anyway, it didn’t worked out and in the mean time I found this house here so it was for the better I think.” He was opening up to you. “That’s really not for me. That whole life. Mansions, cars, the paparazzi.”

“Listen, I’m not sure how to break it to you. But you might not have chosen the best work line then.” You joked.

“No joke” He laughed. “I know it’s part of the job. At some extent. But I don’t need to go looking for trouble too. This way I’ll just deal with all that when I’m at the states and here I can focus on something else. Spend that money with something else. Spend my time with people that I actually care about and care about me. You know?”

“I like your mind” You said without thinking and there was a while of silence between the two of you.

“I think that’s the best compliment I ever gotten” He said.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.” You blushed.

“I know. And that’s why.” He smiled. “I like your mind too. I like that you don’t filter it. You’re genuine” You had blushed and closed your eyes at his compliment. When you opened them he was smiling at you. “You have the most amazing green eyes, you know that? They’re beautiful. And smile too. I love your smile.” You turned your head to the side, like you didn’t understand what he was saying, but you did. You were only studying him.

“Where you getting at Holland?”

“Can I see you tomorrow? Will you have sometime after your interview?” He asked.

“Yeah. I have the day actually, my flight is not until 11 at night, I think. When you want to meet?”

“I can pick you up right after and we can grab some lunch, sounds good?”

“Yeah, sounds perfect” You said and looked at the clock, it was 02:38 in the morning. “But I should probably try and get some sleep now, or I won’t be a real person tomorrow.” He touched the screen on his phone, probably looking at time himself.

“Shit, that’s late. Sorry, I didn’t felt the time” He apologized.

“Me neither” You smiled. You wanted to say more, like how amazing it was talking to him and that’s why time flew like that, how you haven’t felt that in many years. But you didn’t.

“Okay, I’ll let you go now. See you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow Holland” He laughed. “What?”

“I like how you call me by my last name. Sounds good. See you tomorrow (y/l/n)”

“I liked how mine sounded in your English accent”

“Yeah? Did I pronounce it right?” He laughed.

“Close enough” You laughed. “Alright, good-bye now”

“Tchau” He said while you hanged up, catching you by surprise.

You couldn’t believe what just happened. Oh boy indeed. You were sure you weren’t even going to be able to sleep tonight, smiling in the dark to yourself like that. Get a grip woman.