#crazy how in my 21 years i have barely visited anything here

[bookwormstarwarsfan]

Socialist urban "planning" be like:

'Yeah, put the socialist realist cube hotel right there, next to the symbolic 13th century built church.'

(But let's give the credit to the architect where it's due: he left the late baroque front there on the other side of the hotel.)

[queensunshinee]

Time Of Our Lives || Part 21

Part 21:

When Liana texted Art that she wasn’t feeling well and would go to her apartment after work instead of coming to his place as planned, he didn't even notice his brows furrowing. Concern took over him. She also didn’t respond when he asked what was wrong.

They had been following this routine for over a month now. Liana would go to work, Art would go to training, and then she would come over, they’d have sex, and she would stay the night- at least four times a week. She had a shelf in his bathroom and several drawers in his closet (so she wouldn’t need to go home before work, which made sense).

When Art knocked on her door, he wondered for a moment if it was okay to show up at her place unannounced. He thought deeply and realized he had never been there. She had lived there for over a year, and he had never been to her apartment. He had hardly been to this part of town. He hated the fact that Liana lived in this part of the city, paying to live in a building that looked so rundown.

“What are you doing here?” She looked like he had just woken her up when she opened the door. She wore sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt he didn’t recognize, suspecting it might belong to Patrick, but he didn’t say anything about it. “You didn’t say what was wrong, only that you weren’t feeling well. I wanted to check.” He didn’t wait for an invitation and walked in. “I got my period and I’m exhausted, so I didn’t see the point in throwing myself at you,” she smiled as he raised an eyebrow and glanced around her apartment. There was a wall in the living room blackened with moisture. “You don’t have a couch in the living room,” he said, trying to keep his cool and not get upset by her statement. “You’re sharp today,” she responded sarcastically. “Why don’t you have a couch?” he asked. “I don’t like couches,” she replied, and Art continued to walk around the apartment, not that there was much room to explore- the place was the size of a matchbox. There was a peeling wall in the bathroom; how did that not drive her crazy?

“I can feel you judging me. Stop it.” She rolled her eyes, and he looked at her. “I’m not judging you,” he sighed. “Is there a supermarket nearby?” he asked. “Yes, why?” she replied as he opened the fridge, which was almost empty. “I can buy my own food; I’m just barely here,” she understood what he was planning.

“But you’re here today and have nothing to eat. Plus, you’re not feeling well and prefer to be here…” He paused, absorbed in observing the surroundings, "rather than at my place, which objectively has a fridge full of food and a couch.” He looked at her. “Art, my head is splitting, and my womb is stabbing me from the inside. I’m not hungry, and you don’t need to go to the supermarket.” She rolled her eyes and went to bed.

Art sighed and took off his shoes. Liana could be stubborn about things that had no reason to be stubborn about, but the last thing he wanted was to make her feel worse.

“Hey,” he muttered and lay down beside her. The bed creaked. He officially hated this place. He refused to believe she had lived here for so long. Had her parents been here? Maybe he would talk to them and get them to visit her. There’s no way they were okay with her living like this.

“Hey. Sorry I bailed on you.” She sighed and closed her eyes, settling on his chest. “You could’ve come to my place. You know that, right?” he said. Now that they weren’t looking at each other, it was a bit easier. “It seemed pointless since I can’t have sex,” she added a chuckle after the sentence.

Art didn’t respond. He really didn’t want to argue with her, and he felt that anything he said now could destabilize their situation.

“Why are you angry?” she asked without lifting her head. In moments like these, he hated how well she knew him. How every facial expression and sound he made revealed exactly how he felt. “I’m not angry, Lia,” he mumbled, gently running his fingers through her hair. “I know this place is falling apart, but it’s not so bad once you get used to it,” she tried to sound amused, but they both knew it was a baseless argument. Because no one should have to get used to mold and mildew on the walls. Certainly not Liana. Certainly not Liana when he was the one holding her most nights.

“Yeah…” he mumbled in response. “Art. Just say what you want so you don’t explode in two weeks; we both know it’s coming.” He could sense her eye roll from her dissatisfied tone. “Do you really think you can only come to me if we’re having sex?” he asked after a few seconds of silence. “That’s kind of the point of our agreement,” she mumbled, and now Art wanted to see her face when she spoke, so he moved a bit, and she lay beside him.

Art knew Liana struggled with these conversations. More than that, he never wanted to have this conversation. He wanted everything to just flow naturally to the point he wanted, and they were totally on their way there. Four nights a week is pretty committed. There’s no way she’s that clueless about the situation.

“It’s not a blood-signed contract, Liana, you know that, right?” he said, trying to sound amused but coming off as bitter. “I didn’t want to burden you; you already have a lot of pressure since you got the criterion for London,” she said, and Art ran a hand over her face again, unable to control the need to touch her when she was so close.

“You know I don’t think about the Olympics when you’re with me, right? Now every time you’re not with me or at work, I’ll just worry because you’re sleeping in a place with asbestos. I’d rather worry about the Olympics,” he said, expecting her to get upset, but she laughed. “What?” he asked, not understanding what was happening.

“I know you hate talking about Patrick, but when we first moved here, I yelled at him that we’d get sick because there’s asbestos in the walls, even though we asked the landlord, and he said there wasn’t.” She mumbled the end. “Sorry,” she quickly added, assuming she had made the conversation awkward.

“Lia, I don’t hate it when you talk about Patrick. You’re the one who hates talking about Patrick,” he replied. “Why don’t you have a couch?” he asked again, deducing it had something to do with Patrick.

“When we first moved in, we had nothing. Basically, there was just a bed, and we were super broke because neither of us had found much work yet, and Patrick hadn’t won any tournaments for a while. We also didn’t want to ask our parents for money,” she tried not to look at him, but his hand gently held her face in the same place. “Then Patrick brought some couch that someone gave him as a gift, and he was so proud of it. It was this awful color, had a huge hole, and smelled like piss. I felt like I hated him as much as I hated that couch, and it was unfair because he was trying to do something good, and I was just horrible to him for a few days,” she said, and Art nodded.

“I don’t think I’ve ever treated anyone as badly as I treated Patrick,” she concluded quietly. She didn’t even explain where the couch disappeared to, but Art understood. “Sometimes, it’s easy to be terrible to the ones we love,” he said. He wanted to say he knew Patrick and that he was sure Patrick was awful as well. That Liana didn’t need a couch with holes and walls with dampness, but he didn’t say it. “What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone?” she suddenly asked, looking at him with big eyes.

“Sometimes, I think that the way I talked to you then,” Art said, watching her reaction and seeing her nod. “I thought about it a lot afterward…” she confessed. They had never really talked about it. So many years had passed since then. So much water under the bridge. “I never understood why you reacted that way. I think it stayed in my head for years” she said quietly, and Art closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, trying to gather his thoughts.

“It’s not an excuse, but when Patrick told me you were leaving, it was the day after we said we’d try to see if we could be together, when we sat outside at Christmas dinner,” he tried to see if she remembered. “Patrick told you?” her brows furrowed, she looked surprised, and her jaw clenched. “You didn’t know that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “No, you said your mom told you, and I didn’t understand why you were so angry and why you decided I was lying to you,” she said. “Patrick realized something had happened between us from how we behaved that evening and asked me what I would do when you left for Europe. It caught me so off guard. I felt like an idiot, like I was building this reality with you in my head while you were leaving me without saying anything…” Art was embarrassed to say it out loud because he knew how childish it sounded. “While you had already told Patrick,” he sighed and closed his eyes. The number of times he wanted to take it all back.

"He only knew that I had applied. I found out I was accepted two days before I was at your dorm. I planned to tell you, but the day before, I told my parents, and it was so hard. I just wanted a few more moments before everything changed," Liana said quietly. She didn't know Patrick was involved in it. She didn't know he was playing mind games with Art.

"You know that I was sorry for what I said the moment I said it, right?" he asked, and Liana nodded. "I know. I guess I knew it even before, but in the beginning with Patrick, I was deeply inside my own head," she said, quickly brushing her nose. She remembered how strange the beginning of their relationship was.

"What do you mean?" he asked, not sure if he was allowed to pry into their past like this. "Every time we made out and stuff, I kept thinking maybe I was overdoing it or something. Is it weird that we're talking about this?" she suddenly asked, interrupting herself. "No, I wish we had talked about this five years ago," he replied, and they both chuckled. "I was so convinced I was overdoing it and that Patrick would think I was desperate or that I was too much in general, or that he was just passing the time until he got what he really wanted," Liana lay on her back, not wanting to look at Art anymore. Talking about all of this was too hard.

"Lia, that was a ME issue. You were perfect. For years, I replayed the nights with you in my head. It didn't compare to anything else I had. You know that, right?" he asked, hating the fact that she turned her head away from him. He was thirsty for her gaze. He was always thirsty for her gaze. "It doesn't matter anymore. We were kids," she shrugged, and he nodded.

"You know I don't take this for granted, right?" he asked, and she turned back to him. "The fact that you let me back into your life. I won't throw that away for something meaningless." He explained himself, and she smiled. "We're a bit stupid, huh?" she asked, and they both laughed because everything really was stupid. "I need to ask you something. If it's weird, just say so, okay?" she added. "Shoot," Art didn't think there was anything Liana could ask him that he wouldn't answer. "Are you sleeping with other people?" she asked, and Art raised an eyebrow, unable to stop the smirk that appeared on his face. "Oi, relax. I don't care if you are. It's just that I was talking to Melissa, and she told me to ask you because we're having sex without a condom, and if you're sleeping with other people, then we probably should be using one, I think," she rambled, but Art was in his own universe.

"I wouldn't be sleeping with you without a condom if I were sleeping with other people," he said, biting his lip. "But you can, tho." she added. "Liana, we're together most of the week. When would I find time to fit someone else?" he was amused. "Do you want us to meet less?" she asked quickly. "How did you get that from what I said?" he didn't know why, but he really liked the direction of this conversation. "I'm not inferring anything. I'm just saying if I'm getting in the way of a line of girls you could be-" he kissed her a little to shut her up and a little because he wanted to. "I'm perfectly fine with how things are," he pressed his forehead against hers, and she nodded.

They're perfectly fine just like this.

Patrick had been living in his parents' vacant apartment in New York for several weeks now. What irritated him more than them agreeing to it without any argument, was the fact that they had asked him if everything was alright, if he needed anything. The apartment was so spacious that he wondered why he hadn't asked for it earlier. Why hadn't he approached them when they moved to New York? They spoke on the phone, they cared about what was happening with him, they offered help all the time, and he kept refusing. Why? Why was he so proud? About what? For whose sake? Why couldn't he have offered Liana to live in this apartment instead of the terrible place they were living in?

And while pride led Patrick, he knew he needed their help in every way now. He needed to get back into good shape. He needed the right nutrition and the toughest workouts. He needed to start winning again. And again, they decided to help him, because they said they remembered that in London it paid off and when he trained with Kirk he won quite a bit. They knew he had potential. Patrick thought he hated the word "potential" almost as much as he hated everything in his life right now. Why did he have to ruin everything good happening to him?

"Nice place," Tashi said after looking around, and he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I knew you'd approve," Patrick replied. "Coffee?" he asked. "Why not, if you're going to waste my time, might as well do it with coffee," she settled into one of the chairs in the dining room while he prepared something to drink for both of them. "I'm not going to waste your time, Tashi," he said and sat down across from her. "Tell me how you're doing, don't be like this," he tried to lighten the mood. "I'm a busy person, Patrick, what do you want?" she was done with a small talk, Patrick had to know that already.

"I want you to be my coach," he said, not taking his eyes off her for a moment. Challenging her with a brazenness unmatched. "You're joking, right?" she returned, looking at him with a gaze he couldn't understand. "Why should I do that, Patrick?" she almost sneered. "Because I'm going to be better than him, and if you coach me, it will happen faster," he insisted. Not posing it as a question. Just stating fact. Like knowing that the Earth revolves around the sun, so Patrick Zweig will be better than Art Donaldson.

"You're delusional," she said after a few seconds of silence. "You know he got a criterion, right? He's competing in the Olympics in half a year. Do you really think I'll just leave him and go on some risky journey with you? Who do you think you are, Patrick?" she retorted. "You know what? You owe me, Tashi. You fucking owe me," he tried a different approach. "Excuse me?!" If she were closer, he would have got a slap across his smug face.

"You knew about the abortion and didn't say anything. The only reason your poster boy is that good right now is our night in Atlanta. You cost me Liana," he said arrogantly.

"You're projecting, Patrick. The only one who cost Liana for you is, well, you. Your inability to function in a relationship. Your inability to do the most basic thing and make your girlfriend happy. She was miserable. How does it feel to know that she preferred to talk to me than to talk to you? To know that you lost her forever to Art fucking Donaldson? To know that if he gets her pregnant she will be the mother of his children without thinking twice?" she looked directly at him. Sees his face changing from sadness to anger to determination.

"You won't coach me?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. Thinking about everything she said. "Of course I won't coach you, Patrick, but I can send you a list of sharks that might agree to waste their time on you. And you won't be better than Art, but you'll be a worthy competitor. You'll be able to make money and not be dependent on your parents' charity. That's the best I can do for you," she stood up, went to the door.

"You know I won't let this go on forever, right? You must know that." he said, and she turned to him with a questioning look. "The only reason Liana and I aren't together right now is that I know she needs to ventilate. The moment she returns to me - and don't get me wrong, she'll come back to me - he won't play like he's playing now," he said confidently.

"Patrick, you really don't understand what's going on around you, do you? They're madly in love. They're basically living together, not removing their eyes from each other. The whole package. Want me to give you advice as a coach? Find someone else to love. It's not your love story. It never was," she concluded and left the apartment.

What does Tashi even know about his love story at all? He's going to beat Art Donaldson in every competition from now on and especially in the most important competition, he's going to make sure Liana's back, before she gets confused to think that he's not the main character in her story.

Hey guys, sooo it's not my favorite chapter, so please bare with me. I was kinda struggling with it. But I think I'm on the right path, so the next one is going to come faster and might be better. Anyway, let me know what you think and I hope you're sticking around 💜🤍 

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[whoiskt]

I didn't do my end of the year questions last year and it messed up the year for me so HERE YA GO:

1. What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before?

Man, I don't know really? I feel like I used to have so many each year and now I'm struggling to think of any. I went to LA for the first time?

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't know what my resolution was but I'm pretty sure I didn't do it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, but basically yes. That's me being a touch dramatic but like, it really does feel like a certain someone died.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.

6. What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?

Clear skin.

7. What dates from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

None, shit memory, nothing crazy happened this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving. It was a bit of a rough one.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I would have liked to achieve more and be more confident in myself by now. It's mostly many small failures in that way. Like, I'm still mad at myself for not presenting my finals well. I did fine in class overall but it was a bit of a bummer at the end there.

Also like, my financials in general are very not great.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not really, which is good. I had the flu which was scary for a hot second because I had a 104° fever that wouldn't break, and I ain't got no health insurance so I was worried I was going to be forced to go to the doctor and pay out of pocket, which lead to me having a panic attack while already fevering. But I was fine in the end.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I barely bought anything this year that wasn't rent, credit card payments, or tuition. Or Celsius.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

God, I don't know. Let me know. I would like to know.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

Not naming names....... but rest assured there was appalling behavior.

14. Where did most of your money go?

See #11, lol.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

School. But I won't make that mistake again. I think school is bad for me mental healths. But we stay silly.

16. What song will always remind you of 2024?

The entire Arcane soundtrack.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

SADDER FATTER POORER

the holy trifecta 😎👍

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Make money.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Doubt and despair.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Went back home. My second oldest sister was with her in-laws on Christmas Day, so we shifted our Christmas to the 26th. So, on the actual day of, I was just kind of chilling with my folks, we had lasagna, watched The Holiday, and played some games.

21. Did you fall in love in 2024?

Oh yeah, always falling in love babey.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Arcane, Blue Eye Samurai, Dungeon Meshi, What We Do in the Shadows, Law and Order: SVU were my lifeblood. Also rewatched Danny Phantom. Started a lot of good shows I'm yet to finish--literally took a TV history class and I have a huge To Watch list.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

(weary sigh) No, I'm not cut out to hate people.

24. What was the best book you read?

Honestly, most of my reading was academic this year so I didn't finish many books. But House of Leaves was pretty wild and fun. That is one of maybe 3 books I finished this year ahahahaha.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I didn't "discover" Will Wood this year but I finally gave in and listened to more of his discography, discovered many bangers, which is how he ended up as my #2 on Spotify Wrapped.

26. What did you want and get?

Feedback on my art. Got to go home during summer which was nice too.

27. What did you want and not get?

Better. Wait, is that too general of an answer?

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Wild Robot.

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not dying?

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2024?

Whatever doesn't have holes in it (and some things that have less obvious holes too)

31. What kept you sane?

Friends.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Well, I support that guy who shot that insurance CEO... Don't know if I'd go as far as 'fancy' though.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

God... I don't know. I feel like the world is a ton of bricks and we're getting pelted by it all the time. And it was fucking election year, and look how that turned out...... but I will try not to fall into despair.

34. Who did you miss?

I miss my bro-in-law :(

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024.

I learned something big and important but I can't remember how I articulated it. I've been having issues with self-worth, and often I fall back to old failures to make things worse, and I've learned that focusing too much on failure doesn't just prevent more failure, it prevents any movement at all including progress or success. So, I've been doing better with that.

So, I guess I've been learning to let things go more.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I had the perfect lyric for this but I can't remember what song it was anymore. It was like literally one random line in a song.... gr... this will bother me. If I think of it, I'll let everyone know and update it.

For now you can have this:

[youn9racha]

I Know (Part I)

Pairing: Changbin x fem!reader

Genre: suggestive

Word count: 1.9k

Warning: slight adult content, swearing, suggestive actions, elements of stalker behavior

Extra notes: characters mentioned are all above the age 21 years, a lot of hatred towards the male figure lol. Also this is my first time writing on tumblr, so please bare with me, it may not be the best, but I still hope you enjoy it :)

And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…

part ii is up !!!

—————————————————————————————————

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised

—————————————————————————————————

Men…

Truly the scums of the Earth, who do no good for no one, and are an absolute menace to society. But oh, do I enjoy the looks of their faces at times. The way they would look at me with full hope and infatuation, with full beliefs that I would step down and give them all they want from me.

Hmph. How cute… and pathetic. How pathetic to assume and lower my standards for them. They all are the same. All but one however.

All that men hating… and yet, only one I’d be willing to go down to his level.

Yes, its him… He whom a lot would have not sought to be with, not many would expect a bombshell like myself would be with. But I do not see that in him, not an ounce of what many insecure individuals would see. I see something striking that not many could see, an underrated dignified beauty that anyone could wish to admire. A fanciable and irresistible personality and face.

He was a man.. but a pleasant one.

It all started when I moved in into a new flat for myself. I previously left the old complex due to the cramped environment I had that left me feeling uneasy and stressed, as well as it wasn’t even my apartment, it was for my partner, well, ex-partner. It was simply wasn’t working out, due to our seeming never ending conflicts. But enough of the past, let us move on..

I found this flat that is comfortable and the rent pays well, its only downside is that my room’s window is faced to the next door’s flat, however it’s not a big detriment or big turn off for me so it was fine by me, and also it was prone to have random, yet rare, blackout, but then again what neighborhood doesn’t have that. Anyhow, I was set to take the complex, but before I did, I have noticed something about the neighbor’s window next to me. It was a man. A really good looking one too. Giving his side profile, he was laying on his bed, his black hair covered head bopping with earphones placed in ears, laptop placed in his revealing shorts adorned lap. My eyes began started to stare into his arms then onto his naked well built chest, which indicates that he likes to keep up with his health, as his ring adorned hands was tapping away in his keyboard. I quickly looked away when I saw him repositioned his laptop, and walked out of the soon-to-be my room.

Great… I’ve entered Hell.

But I didn’t let it affect my decisions and got the apartment nonetheless, here I am now, weeks after the incident, sitting in my car, outside of the building, still thinking about the man in his laptop. Has he noticed that I was staring at him? Does he know that there’s gonna be someone living next to him? I hope not. And if he has, I must apologize to him. But before that, let me unload my car. I have gradually put my stuff into the complex as the days go by, it seems dragging, but it felt like the time went by fast, so I’m glad I have done that. However, today was different, as I took stuff more than I usually did, as I desperately do not want to go back to my ex. Typically, I never had assistance, as usually my best friend would join in and help out, but at a time I needed them the most, they had to be really sick. They still were willing to help, but I insisted that they shouldn’t and should rest.

After thinking, I sighed and got out my car, ready to fight the battle that is putting my stuff into my complex. I opened the trunk, eyes meeting my stuff, and I begin to groan. ‘Dammit, (y/n), why do you have that many stuff?!’ I thought to myself. I really should’ve had at least one more visit to my ex, but alas I picked to just take all all together in one day. I picked up a box until..

“Need any help?” I heard someone behind me asking me. I turned around and looked at the source. ‘God damn, is it just me, or does this town just bring out more attractive people?’ I thought to myself, as I see a man that looked like he could be at a museum. He had a sandy brown curly hair, slightly tanned skin, really plump and a crazy jawline. He donned a tank top that barely covered his side torso, and basket ball shorts that complimented his really nice, thick… thighs… yeah… Needless to say he was really attractive.

It seems that I was ogling him, rather than responding, as he shyly smiled and waved his hand in front of my face, “hello,” he softly said as I shook my head and looked back at his face apologetically.

“I am so sorry, I am just really tired, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I cringed at my pathetic way of justifying of me literally internally lusting over him. I really am turning into someone I dread to be. How can I forgive myself?

“That’s okay, I know how moving can get tiring, and I sense that you’re alone, so please let me and my friend help you out.” He said, sympathetically smiling a sweet smile, already grabbing a box out of my hand. God, if this man has a partner, then they’re the luckiest person ever, and if he’s single, I’ll gladly hand him a ring. What am I saying? (y/n), what the hell has gotten into you?!

“I’m Christopher, but you can call me Chris or Chan, whichever you prefer is fine, what’s your name?” The generous man’s voice interrupted my inner battle and I found myself looking at him again. “(y/n)” I smiled at him, which he nodded back.

“Nice to meet you,” Chan said, looking back and see that his friend showed up, meanwhile, I went back to my trunk and got out more stuff from my car “oh, there he is!” Chan enthusiastically announced.

“(y/n), meet my friend and roommate, Changbin.” Chris said, while I got out the box and looked at the other man, my face shifted from contentment to horrific.

Its the man with the laptop.

“Hello? Chan, are you sure she’s okay?” Changbin looked at Chris with worry. “Yeah, she’s just tired, just nudge her.”

It’s like Chris knew me too well, despite meeting for less than 10 minutes, as Chris slightly pushed me with the box, not enough to hurt me, but enough to put me out of a trance.

“huh? I did it again, did I?” I looked at Chan, worryingly, which he nodded. I looked back at Changbin and the pathetic act was brought up again.

“I am so sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me.” I apologized once again, which Changbin only smirked. “Don’t worry about it,” He said, carrying a box. Something about that smirk and tone seems off. Not off in a menacing way, but off in a… coy way. Maybe not the best term to use, maybe I am just over analyzing, but I am for sure either winning the lottery tonight, or convinced that the sun will rise from the west tomorrow, since I have two very attractive men helping out, one of which is someone whom I may have an odd fascination for a while now.

~~

The two have been nothing but a delight to interact with, their help with the stuff had done me even more than just a solid. However, I still in a way feel a bit unsettled by Changbin. It wasn’t that he was a creep, or did anything to make me uncomfortable, its just this feeling of guilt I carry with me. Meanwhile, I didn’t attempt anything, and I just simply just admired him from afar, it still felt wrong that I was just looking at him while he was barely wearing anything, let alone while not him paying attention. Despite this, it seems that he doesn’t know that I did what I did, which is why I chose to confront him about it when the time is right, which is probably when we start getting even more comfortable. I have exchanged numbers with both men, even though I could probably just go out my window and yell out their names, but I’d rather not disturb the peace.

Two good looking men are now my neighbors… Who would have thought? Whichever entity that is in existence have decided to play with me, because to them, my humiliation would be their laughing stock, because they definitely would have seen what is to become of me.

Its been a week in since I moved, and interacted with the two Chans, and I am glad that a curtain was installed onto my room, just so I wouldn’t carry even more guilt than I already do. But the thing is, I would lie that I still haven’t thought of Changbin. While I would have thought that Chris fitting into more of my ideal type, Changbin however held a mysterious power that Chan didn’t.

Ever since the time I first laid eyes on Changbin, he has never left my mind. He has started to creep up in my fantasies and dreams in every way shape of form. I couldn’t stop thinking of how his arms would look around my waist, how his lips would feel in my skin, or how his hands would wander around, exploring places that many men often fail to find to make me feel good, or how his voice would be like when talking as he puts his mouth by my ear— God, this is getting out of hand, I would think.

What if he had a girlfriend? What if he wasn’t attracted to women in general? What if he finds you a creep?

So many more endless questions would come in to ruin me, but its not like i have a choice, he just happened to settle into my dreams and thoughts, and went with it.

I decided to take a shower to try and distract myself from these thoughts, which didn’t help at all, as the hot water cascading my skin did nothing but accelerated my lustful thoughts. I decided to get out of the shower, as it didn’t help my case.

Damn you, Changbin.

I sighed, put on some underwear and a robe while having a towel wrapped around my hair. I got out of the bathroom and back to my room. It was dark out, and in my room, the only light came out of it were my night lamp, which barely lit up the whole room. I checked the window, making sure Changbin wasn’t there, or at least not facing the window, only to see his window being covered with curtains.

Great timing, could’ve used that when I first saw you, dipshit.

But nonetheless, I was really glad at least he wasn’t visible. I laid back on my bed, and decided to look through social media, as anyone should. While in the middle of a instagram scroll, I see a caller popping through at the top of the screen…

It was Changbin.

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[wylanvnneck]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could write the angst prompt number 1 with jurdan??🥰

Angst Prompt #1: “The worst part is you didn’t even notice.”

Fandom: TFOTA

Ship: Jurdan

Masterlist | Prompt List

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High pitched giggles peal through the air and the noise makes the 21 year old Cardan Greenbriar wince. He’d been away from his hometown of Elfhame for 2 years now, having happily left it and his controlling family behind after graduation to go live in his dorm room back at Insmire University with his crazy roommates. Yet here he was, back again for a week-long visit in honour of his old friend Locke’s engagement.

He and Locke had never been all that close to begin with, but he had been his oldest friend, and it did seem like a good idea to come back for a bit and see how much things had changed in the years since he’d be gone, which didn’t seem to be all that much. 

Locke was still the same fox-faced wastrel that he had been, except that he was now engaged and the other member of their old gang, Valerian was still as snarky as usual, a perpetual sneer on his face whenever someone attempted to speak to him. Seated at a round outdoors table surrounded by his High School acquaintances, Cardan feels nothing but boredom.

He grips the neck of his wine glass even tighter when he sees the source of the giggling emerge from Locke’s house where his engagement party was being hosted. Taryn Duarte the Bride to Be and her posse of friends strut out into the garden from the inside of the house where they’d been gathered together doing goodness knows what for the past half hour. A glimpse of blue hair catches his eye and he recognises it as belonging to a girl named Nicasia that he used to be friends with back in High School, a million years ago.

Taryn’s six inch heels click against the asphalt of the garden path and the sight of her familiar icy brown eyes and dark hair brings up a volley of almost forgotten feelings within him. Not feelings for the rather cold female before him, but for who she reminded him of. Her twin.

Involuntarily he finds himself scanning the group of women for any sign of Taryn’s sister before coming up short and then chastising himself for looking in the first place. Jude belonged in the past where he had buried her. He takes another sip of the red wine in his hand before shifting his attention back to the conversations happening at his table, a politely unimpressed looking Garrett talked in low tones with his friend Van, both of them engrossed in whatever they were discussing, and a slightly inebriated Valerian was attempting to flirt with the disgusted woman seated next to him. 

Resisting the urge to let out a growl he downs the contents of his glass in one go before standing up to re-enter the house and get a refill, needing some kind of distraction.

He’s just finished pouring some more Merlot into his glass from the otherwise empty bar table when a rustling sound travels from somewhere nearby. He glances up at the staircase by the other end of the room, catching sight of a silky white fabric and dark brown hair before whoever it was disappears from view. Stange, he’d thought all of the other guests were outside. Setting his glass down on the table he climbs up the stairs, curiosity getting the better of him. 

Having reached the landing he searches for any sign of where the person might have gone, walking a little further down the hallway on the left before seeing the big French windows leading out to the balcony flung open, the cool night air drifting in.

Cautiously, he approaches, his body going on high alert when he notices who it is that’s standing out on the balcony, hands loosely clutching the metal rails and face turned up towards the starlit sky. Her chestnut hair is tied in an intricate braid hanging down her back and she’s wearing a slim fitting black top and flowy white pants which sway gently around her legs and she looks even more gorgeous than she had in their High School days. He takes a moment to catch his breath before slowly trudging forwards to join her.

She turns when she hears footsteps approaching, a slight frown marring her expression before she recognises him and it clears. Her gaze is as disarming as it used to be.

"Shit, man, don't just sneak up on people like that," a corner of her lip quirks.

He holds up his hands in mock surrender, "Oops, sorry."

“I didn’t know you were coming.” He catches the questioning lilt in her statement.

“It was a last minute kind of thing, I wasn’t sure if I’d be coming either, until yesterday.”

She nods and he positions himself next to her but at a safe distance, one hand coming to rest carelessly on the balcony rail next to hers.

He watches her let out a soft whoosh of breath, looking down at the garden where people were now dancing to the music that had started playing on the expensive speaker set under the bright fairy lights. There’s laughter and cigarette smoke wafting upwards, but from their little spot up above, everything seemed to be much farther away than it really was. 

Eventually, he breaks the silence. “So, Taryn and Locke, huh?”

“Yep.” She replies. The look on her face is one he can’t quite decipher.

He clears his throat and speaks in a tight voice. “Are you...upset by that? I know you and Locke used to be close.” 

He recalls the rumour that used to fly around during their senior year, people whispering about Jude and Locke having a thing. He also remembers the sharp pain that he’d felt when he’d heard that Locke had asked Jude to be his date to their Senior prom and that she’d accepted. Cardan vaguely remembers asking Nicasia to be his date to that very same prom, but the only thing that comes to mind when he thinks about that night is the haze of jealousy that had clouded his mind when he’d seen Locke twirling a grinning Jude around the dance floor.

“Me and Locke? God no. He was just a friend. Although, I think even that was only because he kept showing up and trying to talk to me in Senior Year for no apparent reason.” 

Cardan feels a surprisingly strong sense of relief wash over him at the fact that Jude was never interested in Locke that way, before his eyebrows knit together a moment later. He’d drunkenly confessed his ginormous crush on Jude to Locke at the start of their senior year, and immediately regretted it the next day. It wouldn’t surprise him if Locke had been cozying up to Jude simply to get on his nerves. It definitely seemed like something the manipulative scoundrel would do.

Not that it mattered anymore. Years had passed and he’d probably lost his chance. If he’d ever had the chance in the first place.

“I heard you’ve been off at uni all this time. Insmire, huh?” Her words are light but he’s slightly astonished that she’d been keeping track of where he’d been for the past few years. 

“Yeah, it was the break I needed.”

“What are you studying?”

“My dad wanted me to do Business for when I inherit his company, but I’m also doing a course on Classical and Ancient Languages, purely because I wanted to.”

“That’s great, Cardan.” Her sincerity is clear. “I remember how controlling your dad was. It’s great that you’re finally getting to be your own person.”

He’s sure that his astonishment at her words is blatantly obvious because a barely detectable flush travels up her neck and she averts her gaze. Not only had Jude Duarte been keeping track of where he’d been, she’d also noticed his strained relationship with his father all those years ago. A thrill rises up inside of him.

“Thank you.” He pauses. “So what have you been up to these days?” he asks, like he hasn’t been checking her social media pages at least once every few months, unwittingly grinning whenever he came across one of her rare posts with her and her few friends hanging out together outside of her own University in Nightfell. 

“Oh, same as you actually, getting a taste of independence at Uni. Doing a course on Criminal Justice.”

“That sounds amazing. Tell me all about it.”

And she does, her eyes lighting up as she talks about a subject that she enjoys studying and half of his attention is taken up by what she’s saying and the other half is just focused on her, on the way the moon illuminates one half of her and how the breeze is playing with a few loose strands of her hair and the way her mouth is moving whilst she speaks. They chat for what feels like ages before the conversation eventually flows to a comfortable halt and they hear the clanging of plates and glasses below as the other guests start on dinner, and he knows they’ll have to leave this place of idyll at some point.

He hates that. That they’re on borrowed time and that they were separated by too many years and very separate lives for their situation to be anything different now. And yet, he needs to tell her, to let her know, even if it can’t change anything.

“You know, back in High School I used to daydream about this. You and I, just talking.” He knows that the tips of his ears are probably flaming red, just like the rest of his head, but he forces himself not to look down and to keep meeting her stare. Her eyes widen when she registers what he’d said.

“I-What?” Her shock is apparent.

He breaks eye contact with her, withdrawing his hand from the spot next to hers on the rail, the disappointment coursing through him undeniable. He’d known that she’d never noticed him, but it still hurt to see the bafflement in her reaction.  

“I had a crush on you for ages, pathetic pining and all, and the worst part is you didn’t even notice.”

She flounders, mouth slightly agape, for once not having a response and the smile that curls his lips is one without mirth.

“Well, it’s been nice talking to you Jude,” he grits out, swiftly turning in an attempt to flee with what was left of his dignity.

He’d made it to the top of the staircase before hearing her voice calling after him. 

“Cardan! Cardan wait, goddammit.”

Reluctantly, he stops, bracing himself for the awkwardness of the next few minutes. She’d look at him with pity, explain to him that she wasn’t interested, or maybe that she had someone else. That last thought lances through him like a punch to the gut. During his self-indulgent social media searches he had never seen any posts that indicated that there was someone special in her life, but that didn’t necessarily mean that there wasn’t anyone. After all, Jude Duarte was a special type of woman, the type of woman that you fought for.

Too bad that he’d figured that out too late.

The sound of her boots clacking on the floor gets closer and closer and he turns around just in time for her to throw her arms around his neck and drag his head down to connect their lips, their noses bumping together in the process. Time stops, and his every High School fantasy comes true when he feels her tangle her tongue with his and it’s a little sloppy at first, especially since she had caught him off guard, but they find their rhythm and flames lick through his entire being. Frantically, he grabs a hold of her waist and pushes her until she’s against the wall, her fingers coming up to tangle in his locks as he strokes her sides.

She pulls away to breathe and they’re both panting harshly as if they had run a marathon. 

“I had a crush on you too. I hated it and I tried to fight it because you used to pick on me in middle school.” 

Had he? It was so long ago that he really couldn’t remember, but he also knew that he was precisely the type of person who’d want to hurt the girl that got under his skin.

“Really?” He grins ruefully.

“Yes, really.” She reaches up and playfully smacks the back of his head before carding her fingers through his hair in the same spot to soothe it.

‘Well, my middle school self humbly begs for your forgiveness.” He leans forward and presses their foreheads together, locking his gaze with hers.

“Apology accepted.”

And then they’re kissing once more. He may not have been prepared for a moment like this, but he was sure as hell going to hold on to it and never let go.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Some soft boi Cardan for you lovely peeps. I hope you see this and that you enjoy, Anon. Thanks for the ask!

Tagging: @cupcakesandkittens , @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln, @thewickedkings , @kittkatandbooboo , @min-unicorn, @fangirlprincess09, @thefolkofthefic

Let me know if you’d like to be added to or taken off of the tag list🌻

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 21

First time reader click here

TWs/SUMMARY: Wanda fluff, Loki fluff, we're getting a whole ass friendship! Dad sucks. The outfits are neat tho! Check the end for a mood board 😍

a/n: dress inspo and aesthetic visuals can be found here, here and here. (Paolo Sebastian, Firefly Path gowns and Viona Ielegems photography).

"Gi-i-irl..." Wanda drawled, seeing me arrive with Tony, both of us freshly showered and still hazy from the amazing orgasms. God only knew what she'd seen in both of our heads - if judging only by the vivid, crimson blush she spouted, it was definitely something very NSFW. Bruce already sat at the dinner table, quietly slurping his soup, his back and shoulders the most relaxed I'd ever seen. He gave me a knowing smile once he noticed my presence in my usual spot by his side.

The rest of the team appeared completely oblivious, preoccupied by their food.

"So, about the party. Got any costume ideas?" I cut straight to the chase, unwilling to wait for Wanda to start asking for details right in front of everyone.

Steve, Bucky, Pietro, Thor and Natasha all answered affirmative, the latter whacking Clint upside the head and firmly stating "no funny business". I couldn't help but wonder what kind of crazy shit the Bird had in mind and was kind of disappointed at Nat's intervention. A good chaotic moment was always worthwhile in my opinion!

The other bird, Sam, approached Bruce with caution as he wondered if the scientist was interested in doing a paired costume with him, only to be interrupted by Tony declaring, with childish glee, he had a "wicked project" that he and Bruce would be doing together. The scientist gave a resigned sigh and apologized.

Sam wasn't deterred by the slight setback; he approached Clint instead and after being given an okay from Natasha, the Birds decided to pair up. As they should, if you'd ask me.

"I have a costume but I need some accessories. Wanda, Lokes, join me on my lil' shopping trip?" I prompted, wanting everybody to be included. I was fully prepared for Loki to scoff and dismiss my invitation but the Asgardian nodded after a second of brief speechlessness. Didn't anyone invite him to birthday parties as a kid? Either way, Thor gave me a grateful smile, like a proper big brother. Both Asgardians had grown visibly closer during the past couple of months which made me hide a secretive smile behind a spoonful of soup.

It turned out, Loki hadn't exactly been introduced to the buzzing beehive that is NYC. He didn't get out much and when he needed to be somewhere, the man simply teleported to the desired destination. As convenient as it must've been, I still expressed my outrage at his lack of experience doing the usual "touristy" things that, in my opinion, every non-newyorker was obligated to do when visiting. Yes, even if said visitor had literally traveled across different galaxies.

Wanda wasn't much better in terms of city knowledge. According to her, she'd lived here for several years already but never bothered to go beyond the borders of the block surrounding the Avengers tower. The witch didn't have friends outside of her teammates (therapy. they all needed so much therapy. y'all...) so she simply saw no point in going anywhere beyond the local mall.

Which was trash. I mean, I loved Hot Topic and Forever 21 as much as any other young adult with depression and anxiety but it was literally impossible to wear clothes made out of cheap cotton and polyester all the time. I'm pretty sure I would have hives and ulcers if I attempted that.

"We're going on Sixth Avenue and that's final. No friend of mine will be wearing shit from Wal-Mart at a Stark party," I interrupted Wanda's defensive stuttering, using my other hand to summon an Uber.

"That is good advice," Loki, previously silent, added in a sweet tone. I counted on the fashionable Asgardian to be on my side and with his schmoozing skills, I didn't even have to drag Wanda inside the car by, like, her hair or whatever. The three of us barely fit into the small Toyota anyway.

A thought struck me when I had to consciously avoid stepping on Loki's leather shoes and keep away my elbow from Wanda's stomach. "Mister? I'll give you a hundred bucks cash if you turn around and drive to this address," I hurriedly rattled off my home address, delighting in the way the driver nearly did a U-turn at the mention of crispy dollar bills.

We arrived home quickly. Wanda gaped in mild disbelief at the size of my house while Loki looked about as interested as he'd ever be. His face was akin to an expression one made while smelling fresh manure. Opening the garage, I was greeted with an unpleasant surprise of my dad's outrageously painted Corvette standing neatly by my white Range Rover.

Loki looked and felt considerably less tense in the back of my car. The subtle signs of discomfort all but left his face replaced by slight wonder as I explained how to adjust the temperature and turn on the heated seats.

Dad met us at the gates. "You didn't come in to say hello," He pouted. His breath reeked like a five-day drinking binge hangover and he looked a dead man.

"We're in a hurry, dad. There's a lot to be done," I replied curtly, hoping to get rid of him fast. I hated being sober around my drunk father. My fingers twitched on the steering wheel.

"You're like your mother, always busy," Dad's laugh was coarse and bitter. "But at least you find time for Stark and his friends. That'll do your future real good," He clapped once on the hood of my car, heading back to the house with a wave of his hand, just in time to miss the disgusted shudder that ran through me.

I knew my dad well enough to understand the implications of what he meant by his words. In his world, fucking way up to the top was considered the norm. I'd rather cut off my own foot than use Tony that way.

"Sorry you had to see that. I thought he was still in Cali," I gritted my teeth, pulling out of the driveway.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that. I have no kind words regarding your father," Loki's look was sympathetic in the rearview mirror.

"Or your mother," Wanda added, messing with her seatbelt. Loki nodded tersely.

"Aight, aight," I sighed, set on improving the mood. "Let's not poop this party. We're getting some absolutely delicious beverages and wasting my money on outrageous pretty things. My treat."

Wanda's protests were drowned out by Motorhead and Loki's grumbling was overshadowed by Guns'n'Roses. Their resistance didn't stand a chance. Few blocks out, the witch was singing along to November Rain, heavily accented and terribly off-key, and the Asgardian watched New York city intently behind the protection of the tinted rear windows of my ride. He seemed mesmerized by the crowds and the variety of colorful shop fronts. This was the the one and only reason I eased off the gas pedal and drove the speed limit for once.

The atmosphere was, well, magical. Looking at my two companions, I discovered the familiar city anew with every question they asked, every remark they made. The desire to ask in turn about their homelands melted like the tension I was harbouring after the run-in with my father. Content and warm, I had my attention divided between Loki and Wanda juggling their wonder back-and-forth between themselves and the absolutely crazy NYC traffic.

So what if I parked in a no-parking zone just to get us the most delicious coffee in the city? Loki, the resident tea person, ordered himself something unpronounceable, something that made the barista twitch. Wanda got a sugary-sounding vanilla-white chocolate perversion. I just got a mocha, having had outgrown my adolescent desires to experiment with "how sweet can I make this coffee before I literally puke?" beverages.

With a laugh, I instructed them to pose in front of the nearest reflective surface to brag about our coffees on Instagram - this café deserved more recognition. My companions reluctantly obliged.

I wonder if the barista realized just who had bought the coffee - Loki was quite a media darling when it came to fangirls. Tony's PR team did a wonderful job on the Asgardian's redemption arc. The trickster only fueled the utter devotion his fangirls had for him by being extra nice and charming in every video I've seen. I guess you can't out-mindcontrol manners outta somebody, he was raised a prince after all.

It wasn't raining but the autumn chill seeped into the tiny spaces between my layers of clothing. I already managed to regret my fashionable dark academia inspired outfit at least twice, however the matching vibe all three of us had was positively dashing. Loki, wearing his usual onyx black and dark green. Wanda with a burgundy sweater dress and thigh high platformed boots - sweater dresses, out of all things, had no business looking this good on anybody. But she pulled it off.

"You said you've got a costume. Mind sharing what it is?" The witch said, curiously peeking into the windows of a nearby vintage boutique as we took our leisurely stroll with steaming paper cups keeping our fingers warm.

"A fairy dress. It was custom made for me last year and I actually didn't get to wear it. I need some jewelry to go with it," I explained, stopping to show a photo of the dress on my smartphone. "And some shoes, too. Let's hope the party will be held completely indoors, otherwise I'll freeze my ass off."

"Custom made?" Wanda squeaked, looking at the garment in wonder. Loki gave a vaguely approving nod.

"Yeah, there's a company that makes these fantasy dresses. You want one? What did you have in mind for your costume anyway?" I switched the topic quickly, seeing how Wanda withdrew into herself slightly. I heard from Peter she grew up poor, in the middle of a war and I didn't want to make her feel bad or anything. I wasn't good at these things...

"I thought maybe I could match with you," She replied, slowly taking a sip of her coffee.

"Sure. There are a couple of shops with really cute dresses that fit the aesthetic." Marchesa. We need a Marchesa store. And a Zuhair Murad - if there was one on this stretch of road. "What about you, Lokes? Anything in particular strike your fancy?" I asked our silent companion, frantically googling the information I needed.

"Black," He answered moodily.

"Boo, you whore," I rolled my eyes at his scoff. We had watched the Mean Girls recently and he got the reference, immediately raising a sarcastic eyebrow. "You know, you could do so much with this pale aristocratic look you've got going on. How about a medieval vampire?"

"Like Lestat? He's fucking hot," Wanda and I understood each other promptly. She jumped on the bandwagon immediately.

Combining my blunt honesty and her adorable fawning over a fictional bloodsucker, we managed to convince Loki into going on a hunt for brocaded, velvet suits and blouses with ruffles for his look. The trickster revolted at the mere suggestion of procuring some fake fangs, instead magically making them appear and showing them off in the middle of the crowded sidewalk, much to my and Wanda's delighted shrieking. He looked, I daresay, very attractive, like a porcelain figurine. Delicate but dangerous.

We arrived at the store that showcased beautiful, airy dresses of silk, chiffon and tulle. The lace was delicate and the seams invisible. I ushered Wanda into a dressing room with a shop attendant that was quietly but strictly instructed to not discuss the cost of the dresses and hide the price tags.

"I want it to be a gift. My friend here deserves no less than a magical experience," I explained quietly, winking at a bewildered Loki.

"Why did you do that?" He asked once Wanda was given a selection of several dresses in flattering colours and led into a separate dressing room.

"These dresses, they're special so they're a bit pricey. And knowing Wanda, she'll make a scene and refuse to let me buy them for her," I idly twirled my phone in my hands. "But every girl wants to be a princess and it's kinda sad she never got to be one. It's more than just a dress, it's more than feeling pretty, although it's a big part of it. She'll feel on top of the world."

Loki nodded. I'm certain he didn't understand it - being a man and all - and I wasn't sure I understood it completely, too. I never lacked pretty or expensive things, always got whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. But for a moment, I thought how it must've been for Wanda - seeing all these girls on TV, looking like pictures - and never having the chance to experience that. A concept that made me so sad, I was tempted to ask the customer service person for a glass of scotch. Being poor sounded depressing as hell.

Suddenly, Loki's cool, large hand landed on mine. "Thank you. I am certain Wanda will be the most beautiful lady at the ball."

I stared at him. Loki understood.

"Well, I... I don't know how finicky you are on gender labels for clothes, but there were a couple of blouses you might want to check out. They've got the neck ruffles and shit." My throat suddenly seized up and I had to clear it before speaking, steering away from the uncomfortably emotional moment. Thankfully, Loki wandered off without as much as a word.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

& the promised aesthetic

[ziracona]

Hello! I have always believed that Michael needed better doctors and good treatment. He was simply billed as "Evil". Sometimes I think that at that time they were unaware or ignorant of mental illness, and that is why Michael did not recover. I wish it had been treated better. I would like to know your opinion about it ;v;

Oh, absolutely. Michael is a very tragic character, and what happened to him was almost entirely Loomis’ fault, secondarily the system and his parents’, and like onyl 0.8% his own. It’s true that mental health aid has historically been really bad in most places, and even today treatment and acceptance—even in specifically medical settings—tend to be abysmal. Of course people knew less than they do now about how psychological stuff works, but bias, cruelty, and superstition as well as a system that enables and even to degrees outright encourages that is to blame for the awful treatment people woth mental illnesses and personality disorders faced and continue to face, not just a lack of knowledge, and the history is really heavy and awful to look over. : ( It’s horrific some of the things doctors have done and do to people just trying to get help.

Like, in Michael’s case, we’ve had a name and understanding of psychosis since the 1800s. Canonically, by the time the poor kid was six years old, he was hearing voices telling him to do bad things to people. He told his parents, seeking help, and they did nothing to help him—just told him it was his imagination—despite knowing hos grandfather had suffered the same symptoms. If they had only taken him seriously and given him therapy and possibly medication too, Judith never would have died. (I am not goong to say it every time, but all this information is official canon) Michael’s reason for killing his family members is wanting the vocies talking to him to be quiet, because it’s agonizing. If you’ve ever had intrusive thoughts (stuff like “pull into oncoming traffic” or “break that and see what happens” and such that don’t actually compell or force you to do it at all, and are always things you as a person deeply do not want to do, but nevertheless are really annoying or distressing to hear in your head), imagine that cranked up to 1000, endless and constant, but from voices that seem to come from around you instead of in your head. Especially as a young child, with no understanding what is happening to you, this would be incredibly scary and distressing—doubly so when dismissed by your parents, whose sole job is supposed to be to love and protect you.

The voices say they’ll be quiet if Michael kills Judith, so Halloween night, he does. Important to note here Michael is recently six years old at the time, which developmental psych literally is not old enough to have a complete understanding what death itself is, let alone complex morality. You /cannot/ be evil at six, you simply don’t have a complex enough understanding of right and wrong or of consequence to /be/ evil. Also at this age, usually kids see death as a vague concept, but one that applies to people they don’t know only, not to them and their loved ones. In Halloween 1978, immediately after stabbing Judith, Michael looks away while he keeps doing it, and his breathing speeds up in a scared way. He barely looks at the body, and immediately goes down stairs to wait for his parents—probably for them to fix it—and does nothing to flee or hide what he’s done. He looks traumatized when they take his mask off. (Lots of little notes here like that Judith when she sees him seems annoyed but not very, and when he attacks her, tries to shield herself and call to him to stop, rather than fleeing or fighting back, which [appealing instead of fight or flight] is pretty exclusively something you only would use if attcked by someone you are on good terms with—I mean, Michael is six—if Judith had /tried/ to fight back, no way she would have died—so there’s less than nothing to indicate they had anything but a loving familial sibling relationship. But if I list all these I’m gonna launch into my six page Michael Myers meta so I will speed through the rest.)

Anyway! Sorry, I have many feelings. About...everything. Including Michael for sure. So, immediately after killing Judith, Michael stops talking. He also shows other psychosis and trauma readily recognized side effects, like catatonia, slowed movement. In Halloween 1978c Dr. Loomis claims he tried to treat Michael for eight years, then spent another seven trying to keep him locked up because he realized he was evil. This is a /blatant/ lie, as in film canon Loomis, by Michael’s review hearing I believe four months in? Six or less for sure, I believe it is four. Loomis has /already/ become convinced Michael is a demon in human form, faking his symptoms, and itching to kill again. The other doctors think Loomis is crazy, as does the other doctor who examines Michael, but they’re awful people so they let him stay Michael’s doctor anyway, even though they refuse to move him to Litchfield maximum security. By this time only a few months in, Loomis is canonically also threatening the six year old in his care and constantly telling him he is an evil being who wants to get out and terrorize again. (Also, I will die enraged the sentance Michael gets for killing Judith is to remain locked in solitary in a sanitorium for /15/ years, until he turns 21, at which point he will be tried as an adult for murder??? The fuck?? You CANNOT charge a 6 year old’s crime in adult court! ‘Tried as an adult’ is meant for like, when a 17 year old dismembers their family and eats them! It’s for particularly heinous crimes, committed by someone /very/ close to being legally an adult, and that /only/. The idea of waiting fifteen years to try someone as an adult for something done at age six is laughable and sick).

Okay this is already long, I get carried away rip. Uhhh, anyway, yeah. In Smith’s Grove, Michael is visited by mom and Laurie once, then never sees any of his family again, because his dad hates him and forbids the others—finds out because Laurie is four and talks that they went /one/ time, and physically beats four year old Laurie for mentioning his name until she trauma blocks out ever having had a brother. From then on, Michael spends /fifteen/ years and all the dest of his developmental stages of childhood in a sanitorium with Dr. Loomis—a man who on wild religious superstition grounds assumes by his own admission /on sight/ that Michael is evil, and no other human contact. According to canon, Michael spends at least four hours of /every/ day with Loomis, his /only/ human contact, who threatens him, promises to stop him, and endlessly barrages him with “You’re evil, you’re not human, you want to kill again, I /will/ stop you,” and nothing else. He also canonically keeps Michael overdosed on a type of antipsychotic that, while a fine drug if used normally, if overdosed can deeply worsen symptoms, and can cause permanent brain damage.

Honestly, if a six year old is exposed yo major trauma, none of their issues are explained, legitimized, or believed, and almost all of their developmental stage is spent with endless voices they don’t know the cause of suggesting murder and violence, one human being and authority figure telling them over and over and over for fifteen years with no other constant in their life or human contact period that they are a demon in human form who wants to kill and is /going/ to do so again...? How else was that story ever going to end? I’ve said it before, but that’s beyond conditioning; it’s lab growing a human child to one day walk out and murder Laurie Strode with a large kitchen knife.

I stand by Halloween is a greek tragedy more than a slasher, and Michael and Laurie are both victims. He’s the Asterios, she’s the Ariadne. Loomis the Minos, the real villain. (Or the Poseidon choose your poison).

Anyway, I 100% agree! If he had just gotten help from his parents, Judith would have never died. If he’d had good doctors, none of the events of 1978 would have come to pass, or anything after it. Loomis single-handedly causes the deaths in 1978 himself through years of cruelty, and bigoted bias towards a small child in his care who needed his help, not his abuse, but he chose to break as much as he possibly could despite his responsibilities as a doctor, an adult, and a human.

If you’re interested, I did a canon-deep-dive character study short story on Michael on AO3! Halloween is such a sad story but it’s fascinating. God, poor Michael and Laurie deserved so much better than they got. It’s a testament to Michael’s character that even after 15 years of Dr. Loomis, he really only kills his intented target(s) in search of quiet from the voices, and anyone who sees him/would be a threat, and not other people. Makes no attempt to kill any of the kids in Halloween 2018, and only kills Bob when he literally opens the door to his hiding spot and Michael is found and Bob becomes a threat to him. In H20, after Michael has had 20 years on his own, you get arguably the least brutal Michael, who intentionally passes on killing the mother and child, and the security guard he walks right past, because they don’t see him and thus he doesn’t /have/ to. Halloween II is less intentionally avoiding, but even then he still does the same multiple times too, like with the old lady making a sandwich, or the scene in the incubator room. Anyway he desevered better fuck Loomis all my homies hate Loomis.

[bby01boi]

My opinions: TMR (the mazerunner) version:

1. WICKED is evil!

2. I hate Teresa

3. GALLY WASN’T EVIL!! HE JUST DIDN’T WANT HIS FAMILY TO LEAVE HIM!!

4. Winston deserved better

5. Chuck deserved better

6. Newt deserved better

7. Newt definitely had a crush on Thomas (in the movies it’s most noticeable)

8. WICKED deserved to die

9. Minho is the bravest of them all

10. That’s why he is the leader!

11. The movies are still awesome even though they aren’t anything like the books

12. THEY SHOULD’VE KEPT THE SCENE OF NEWT TELLING THOMAS ABOUT HIS LIMP

13. I found it weird that they changed the years in the movie to 3 when it’s 2 in the book??? It’s the easiest thing to remember

14. The Scorch Trails book is scarier then the movie

15. The first time I watched the mazerunner was when I went camping and I was the only one awake in my tent and when the grievers showed up I was terrified but now I find them pretty gross and funny.

16. The grievers sound more terrifying in the book then they look in the movies

17. The actors suit the rolls perfectly

18. Brenda was adorable (book)

19. I really wish they stuck to exactly what the book said cause it would’ve been awesome to see some scenes in real life

20. Minho has the highest pain tolerance (man was struck by lightning and kept going)

21. I want to live in the maze but it’s not a test and I don’t have to leave, people have to fight/get past the grievers just to visit my house

22. As much as I love the movies the books are way more interesting

23. I genuinely felt bad for Gally (movie, I’m still on the second book so idk yet)

24. Jack’s death barely saddened me and idk why

25. I didn’t even know it was Jack that died in the mall on the escalator until today when my friend googled it (movie)

26. What if Frypan was actually a bad cook but no one remembered what good cooking tasted like?

27. I’d wanna be a runner

28. A ladder wouldn’t have done them any good since it would’ve broken not even half way up due to too much pressure causing it to bend and snap

29. Minho had it worst then the others including Thomas

30. Minho needs to develop a freakin’ brain to mouth filter

31. In the movies Tommy and Teresa look like siblings

32. It mentions the vines not leading to the top yet (from what I know) Newt jumped off the top of the maze and also he didn’t die???? How’s he get up there? And how in the world did he not die???

33. Also they reached the top in the movie ya liars

34. The cranks terrified me when reading about the ones in the underground tunnels

35. It’s sadder to read about Newt losing his mind then it is to watch it.

36. I like the necklace better than the envelope idea because it’s like he held Tommy close to his heart.

37. I feel bad for Gally 🥺

38. Newtie 🥺🥺 is going crazy

I’ll probably add more after finishing the third book.

So I’ve finished the trilogy and here are some more 🚨BOOK SPOILERS🚨

39. Newt’s death is sadder in the book than it is in the movie

40. I kinda felt bad when Teresa died even tho I hate her

41. Fuck Rat man

42. Doctor lady is actually good???

43. Poor Thomas

44. Thomas and Brenda are adorable

45. I NEED the other three books 🥺🥺😫

46. Newt 🥺🥺😭😭

47. Gally 🥺 my poor bby

48. The ending is so cute.

49. The part where everyone is running through the maze scared me

50. I was like “RUN!”

51. What saddened me the most about Teresa’s death is how Thomas reacted

52. I’m so glad that they’re finally free and happy.

[translations-by-aiimee]

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 21

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 21 - Possess

There were no classes the next day. Lin Yan wanted to sleep in. Who knew that he'd get woken up by Yin Zhou's early morning phone call? He was still hazy from sleep. He didn’t make out a lot of what Yin Zhou was saying. From what he did hear, it seemed like one of his relatives say a ghost. . . Lin Yan put down the receiver and sat on the bed in a daze. He raised his head and glanced at the wall clock on the wall. It was currently 7:05. He had forgotten to close his curtains last night and bright sunlight streamed into the room.

Lin Yan turned over and lay on the blankets, wanting to go back to sleep. The morning wind blew in from the window, and the cool air made him feel refreshed from his shoulders to his legs. Lin Yan hugged the pillow when a thought appeared. Something was wrong.

His side was bare?

He jumped up like a flailing carp and looked down at his bare torso. Lin Yan was so frightened that he pulled the blanket around his waist, looking like a guilty thief.

Fortunately, Xiao Yu wasn't there.

Lin Yan slumped back on the bed, stretching out his arms and legs and reminiscing about what had happened last night. It seemed that he actually had a bath with the ghost, and even had a good time with him. But then, Xiao Yu put on his clothes, leaving him only wearing his drenched boxers. When the flashback reached the part where the door slammed, Lin Yan jerked. He groaned internally; he actually messed around with a ghost.

The relationship between the two had just started to improve at the antiquities lecture, and then a comment about sending him away caused him to completely flip out. Lin Yan put his chin on the pillow and sulkily pondered. He wasn't sure what the ghost had been upset about. It was hard to determine who took advantage of who last night, but a ghost that claimed he'll take his life doesn't give him much room to resist. It was unbearable. If it weren't for the fact that he had finished things himself, he would have gone crazy.

Besides, jerking off is a real personal topic. . . Lin Yan felt himself blush. He buried his head into the pillow and wanted to stay there for the rest of the day.

Anyways, what about the ghost?

Lin Yan changed his clothes, ruffled his messy hair and walked out of the bedroom. When he turned to the living room, he was midway through the yawn. When Lin Yan saw the scene in front of him through the sleepy haze in his eyes, his body was numb in shock and he almost screamed.

Xiao Yu was sitting on the sofa and stared at him coldly. The light gray soft satin shirt reflected the delicate pearly light of the early morning sun. He looked like a beautiful young man, but right now, he made the atmosphere gloomy and chilly.

Five words quickly popped up in his head: enemies on a narrow road*.

*(T/N: it's four characters in Chinese [冤家路窄], and it basically means two enemies that inevitably meet and have a staredown, i.e. a cowboy faceoff at high noon, that kind of thing)

Lin Yan stood awkwardly tugged on the hem of his shirt. The situation was completely beyond his imagination. The ghost found in the tomb was a ruthless murderer, but this ghost was different from the ones on TV or in horror movies. He wasn't possessing him, couldn't remember how he died, or even remember who he was. There was nothing else for him to do but cling to him every day. It sounded pathetic, but he could at least always hold his form and didn't shy away from the sun. Lin Yan glanced at the sofa discreetly, thinking that the next time he saw the little Daoist priest, he would have so many questions to ask him.

The question now was what should he do? The person on the sofa was clearly upset. Even though he was a few metres away, Lin Yan could still feel the surrounding air crackling and exploding with sparks.

After a moment of hesitation, he decided to take the initiative to attack and kill the enemy before the enemy could attack, nipping all the hidden attacks in the bud. Lin Yan channelled his qi, opened his meridians, centred his energy, and let out a dry smile: "Good morning Young Master Xiao!"

You could hear a pin drop.

"Are you. . . hungry? I'm going to make breakfast?" Lin Yan wanted to ask him for forgiveness. Even though he thought that ghosts probably didn't need to eat, eating was probably similar enough to eating people. Eating people. . . Lin Yan's face started to burn again. He anxiously wrung his hands. He moved to the sofa, and gently placed a hand on the ghost's knee.

Xiao Yu glanced at him, then turned to stare out the window in silence.

"I'm not angry anymore. I let you kiss me, and we can do it again in a few days. I don't know what's wrong." Lin Yan coaxed him kindly.

The ghost still sat silently.

"I don't want you to leave anymore. You choked me so hard yesterday, so let's call it even." Lin Yan felt like he was making a fool of himself. He was getting frustrated so he leaned forward cheekily: "Here, I'll let you kiss me again as compensation."

"Alright, then I'll kiss you whenever I want to instead."

Not waiting for Lin Yan to lean over, Xiao Yu flung his sleeves, moved to the side and sat upright looking at him.

Xiao Yu's reaction really let him know what it meant to show warm feelings but meet with cold rebuke. The irritability of being woken up early in the morning mixed with his current anger, and he couldn't keep it together. Why, despite getting closer to death every day, did he still have to go out of his way to make this ghost happy?

Lin Yan clenched his fist and screamed at Xiao Yu: "What do you want? Do you want me to just lie still while you fuck me? I'm a living fucking person and you never ask when you want to do anything. I dug up your grave, not fucked your corpse. What's the point in stalking me like this? Huh?" As he got angrier and angrier, he picked up a glass cup on the coffee table and smashed it, the shards scattering all over the floor.

"Fine, have it your way. You want me to leave? If you aren't going to kill me then I still have things to do. When the time comes, you go on your way and I'll go on mine. We won't owe each other anything!"

In the living room early in the morning, two people were sitting on the sofa, one with a blank face and the other with a face full of rage right beside him. Neither wanted to look at the other longer than they needed to. Sunlight bounced off the broken pieces of glass on the ground. The orchids on the windowsill were in full bloom, and a few slender branches were covered with quivering white butterflies.

A picture-perfect scene of a husband and wife quarrelling.

The people involved wouldn't agree with this. Lin Yan tugged on the waistband of his pants and walked to the kitchen distractedly. He took four eggs and cracked them into a frying pan. He didn’t know why he still prepared enough for two people. The oil crackled and popped on the pan. When it was almost cooked, he grabbed the sugar from the spice box and sprinkled it in. Lin Yan bowed his head again. He just wanted to throw the pan away. He had accidentally put the wrong seasoning, and now the poached eggs were sprinkled with a thick layer of MSG.

He couldn't keep living like this.

Suddenly the phone in his pocket beeped. A text message from Yin Zhou popped up with the address of XX hospital and a message: “Visiting starts at 9:30. Get here quickly.” Lin Yan stared at the phone in a daze, and suddenly remembered the jumbled call he received this morning. It seemed that Yin Zhou's relatives had encountered something evil and he wanted him to grab the little Daoist priest and rush over to see what was going on.

Holding his phone, Lin Yan didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry. He hadn't even dealt with the evil things happening around him. Now he had to take on someone else's problem, as if ghosts from all over the world had made an appointment to meet him, rushed over all at once and greeted him with an evil grin. Lin Yan turned off the stove, forwarded the text message to the little Daoist priest, and tried to fix his expression as he walked to the living room. He hadn't been angry for so many years and he didn't know what to do with himself. He deliberately forced himself to keep a straight face and stared at the wall behind Xiao Yu's shoulders: "I'm going out. If you really don't want to see me, stay here. I'll be back tonight at the latest."

After he finished talking, he went to stand at the door to change his shoes. He turned his head and was face-to-face with Xiao Yu again. He was close enough that he could see his reflection in the other's eyes. Lin Yan was so startled that he almost fell into the shoe rack.

"You want to play Cold War but you're still going to follow me, this guy. . ." Lin Yan muttered, grabbing the car key from the hook and opened the door.

At 9:30 a.m., Lin Yan, who had just finished charging through the morning traffic, appeared in front of a private hospital on the North Third Ring Road. The hospital’s grandeur was a sight to behold. The high-rise buildings were covered with walls of light-blue glass, and the shrubs in the flower beds were meticulously pruned. Although the road near the main entrance of the hospital was congested with traffic, it got better once he passed through the gate. Lin Yan followed the instructions on the floor plan to find the inpatient department. He bought a ridiculously expensive basket of apples from the supermarket downstairs, walked through the front door, took out his mobile phone at the elevator entrance and double-checked the address Yin Zhou sent him.

This is it. Lin Yan took a breath and stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the 17th floor.

In the elevator, Lin Yan hoped that the ghost would do something to disperse the current embarrassing atmosphere, but Xiao Yu just stayed an arm's length away from him and put on an air of indifference.

When the nurse led Lin Yan into the ward, Yin Zhou and A-Yan had already arrived and were sitting on some stools in the middle of a conversation. The private room was clean and tidy. A wide hospital bed sat against the wall, covered with light blue bedding. There were no patients. A middle-aged woman with delicate makeup but a sad expression sat on the bedside peeling oranges. Seeing Lin Yan enter the room, she barely forced out a wry smile and greeted him: "Xiaolin is here, sit down."

"Hello, Auntie." Lin Yan pulled up a chair and sat down. This woman was Yin Zhou's aunt. She was often seen around Yin Zhou's house during New Years. He remembered her as being a very popular person. She liked to laugh at Lin Yan's jokes, and always said that when her daughter was older, they could get married. She kept at it until she met Weiwei, then she changed her goal and asked him almost every day if he was married yet.

"Xiao Yang is over there." The woman pointed to the window. A girl wearing a hospital gown stood in front of the window glass with her back to Lin Yan, not reacting at all.

Lin Yan nodded at Yin Zhou. "What's going on?"

Yin Zhou pulled his stool over and sat down by Lin Yan. He pointed to the girl by the window: "It's my cousin. The one that set off firecrackers with us on New Years, remember? For the past month, she's been in the hospital with a kidney infection."

"Of course I remember my little wife." Lin Yan laughed and called to the girl at the window, "What's Xiao Yang looking at? Come over here, look who's here."

The girl didn't seem to hear it at all. She remained at the window and continued staring out.

Lin Yan was perplexed. He remembers this girl as someone lively and mischievous, talking like a mini adult. Even when she was thirteen or fourteen, it always seemed like she, Lin Yan and Yin Zhou were all the same age. During the Chinese New Year, Yin Zhou had been bored playing games in his bedroom and didn't want to greet his relatives so Lin Yan became the host despite being a guest. He was the one who watched TV and gossiped with this little girl; from which boy was handsome to who secretly wrote a note to whom. The little girl was smart and kept her wits about her. One time, Lin Yan and Yin Zhou secretly took her to a lake to go ice skating. As a result, her foot slipped through the ice and she got completely soaked. Unexpectedly, she never said a word of what happened and she kept it secret when they all went home.

No one in the room spoke, and the sudden silence made Lin Yan a little at a loss. A moment later, the woman sitting on the bed suddenly burst into tears: "I don't know what's wrong. She was barely sick and then this happened." She pointed at the girl by the window and cried loudly: "It's been four days. She hasn't eaten or slept. She just stands by the window and stares outside. The doctors have checked for everything that could possibly be checked. They say it's hysteria and there's nothing they can do. I can't take it anymore."

"What? Auntie, calm down. Speak slowly." Lin Yan was confused.

"See for yourself. It's hard to explain." Yin Zhou pointed to the girl standing completely straight at the window.

Lin Yan put the fruit basket on the bedside table hesitantly. He walked to the window and stood behind the girl for a while. When she didn't move, he tapped her shoulder: "Xiao Yang, have you missed me?"

The girl turned her head. Not like how ordinary people turn their heads where they move their necks first, but instead turned her head 180 degrees until she and Lin Yan were face-to-face. As soon as he saw the girl’s face, Lin Yan yelled and stumbled back. He immediately noticed something wrong. She didn't have any pupils. Her eyes were rolled back into her head. Through her tangled hair, only the whites or her eyes were staring at Lin Yan. She faintly hissed: "Are you here yet?"

"Why haven't you come yet?"

[mxillusion]

Up where we belong

Aaaah, I’m still so happy about your request. Thank you sweet anon for sending it in. ♡ Must say, I’m kinda proud about how it turned out, but it really was challenging for me. lul I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. Much love. 

#37 - “Hmm. So you do have feelings.”

#54 - “You should smile more, you look beautiful when you do.”

Genre/Warnings: royal!AU | arranged marriage!AU | none

Words count: 2200+

Summary: You’ve spent countless days imagining, dreaming and planning your perfect wedding, but now you realized this day will be much different. Who would’ve guesst you would have to marry a stranger one day? Well, maybe he’s not that unfamiliar, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

“Your highness”, the prince said, a sly smile spread across his face.

With a light smirk on your lips you turned around to greet the newly arrived guest properly. “It's bin a while.”

You weren't exactly happy to see him again, like not at all, but you knew you had to deal with it somehow. And the best way to do so was to pretend like you simply wouldn't care.

“Yes, it has. I believe I was only fourteen the last time I saw you.” He raised an eyebrow, looking at you. “Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we didn't go along very well as children.”

Changkyun was right, it must have been ten years now, but for you it seemed like yesterday. And you remembered everything. That's one of many reasons you weren't pleased at all.

“That probably hasn't changed, I can tell you that.”

He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. “Just as sassy and smugly as I remembered you.”

“Did I see some sort of emotion on your face? I always thought your facial expressions are just as frozen as your cold heart”, you said, with a mischievous grin.

He never was very emotional, that's what you remembered the most. He never had any empathy, compassion or warmness at all. You only knew him as the emotionless, coldhearted boy, who seemed to be untouchable.

It's hardly surprising you two didn't like each other, as he was the complete opposite to you. People always said you were like an open book, your emotions always visible on your face. The bubbly, twirly little princess, who wore her heart on her sleeve.

Too bad your parents wanted you to marry him anyway.

“Ouch. You hurt my nonexistent, frozen feelings”, he said, his hand movement all over the place, as he placed his hand on his chest.

You rolled your eyes, turning away from him again to look back at the night sky. For a moment you closed your eyes, cursing this very awkward situation you two were stuck in. Because there was no way out, you already tried that. Things were decided and pronounced already. God damn.

“I don't want this”, you whispered more to yourself but he heard you anyway. For a second you lost control over your emotions, which you wanted to hide from him so desperately. You didn't need him to make fun of you, because he probably hadn't realized how fucked up everything was. “I don't want to marry someone I barely even know!”

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders, being as emotionless as always. “It is, what it is.”

And with that, he left. Your heart felt as heavy as a rock and you almost started to cry. Almost.

***

The next days just flew by and soon there were only a few days left. One appointment followed another and slowly but surely you came to terms with your situation. What other choice did you have? Yet you still couldn't quite grasp the fact that arranged marriages obviously still were a thing in the 21. Century. And that something like this would ever happen to you.

Changkyun and you were trying to handle the situation as good as possible, but again it seemed as if this guy simply had no emotions whatsoever. He just did as he told, not giving a fuck about your feelings or any possible doubts.

At some point you decided you'd try to make the best out of it. Sure you didn't like him, sure he was a douchebag but at least he was quite cute, although you'd never say that out loud. Like ever.

You were standing in the front hall, arguing about the flower arrangement as Changkyun joined you.

“What the hell are you doing here? We have staff for that.” He seemed quite irritated while looked around, not really getting why put any effort into this nonsense of an event.

“If I am not allowed to choose my future husband, I'd like to choose the flowers at least. Not everything has to be a flop, you know?”

You just couldn't help yourself, but if you were with Changkyun you simply couldn't be nice. Maybe because he never was nice to you at all. You remembered how mean he was, making fun out of you and your personality. He wasn't the charming, handsome prince you've always dreamed of and you were perfectly happy as you didn't have to see him anymore. And even if you knew you'd have to get used to his presence somehow, it wasn't that easy at the moment. But you hoped it'd be different some day.

He sighed heavily, shaking his head in disbelief and went away without saying anything. You watched him leave, instantly being sorry for saying that. That's when you noticed something. 

He never was that mean to you again, as he was back then. He never said something bad, but you did.

You told yourself to fix that later, since there was still a lot to be planned and prepared so you went back to work. But you haven't seen Changkyun all day.

Later on the evening you decided to look for him, since he wasn't even showing up at dinner. You knew you've gone too far earlier and you were just so sorry about that.

Finally you found him in the backyard, standing next to the fountain. He seemed to be in deep thoughts, that’s why you caughed slightly, to get his attention. He turned to you, giving you a worn-out smile.

“I've been looking for you”, you said, carefully coming a few steps closer.

He didn't answer.

“Look, Changkyun, I.. am sorry about.. what I sad earlier. I didn't mean -”

“No you're not”, he said, cutting your words off. “And I can't even blame you.”

“Don't say that.” You stood next to him, slowly reaching out for his arm, but he pulled away.

“Why not? You don't like me, I get it. I haven't been very nice to you. I was a child, I was naive and too young, but that's no excuse for what I did to you.”

Your heart was aching painfully as you got those flashbacks. Of course you remembered every single detail and that made it even worse.

You remembered how he and a friend of his made fun of you, because you liked that boy. Maybe you even had a crush on him, but Changkyun just ruined everything by being who he was. A douchebag. He told his friend about your crush and kept telling lies to simply hurt you. For some kind of reason he had a lot of fun to see you cry, at least that's what you thought. He made you cry countless times but you never told anyone. And you never asked why he did this, you just suffered through it, waiting for it to end.

“I never meant to hurt you, Y/N.”

You looked up to him, having tears in your eyes. Being reminded of everything that happened in the past was painful, but maybe it was time to let go of the past. To clear things up and move on. Maybe now you've got the chance to finally get over it.

“It's just... You know my origin. It was never easy being me, because I had no chance to find out who I really am. I always had to follow rules and never ask questions because of that stupid, bounden duty.” He paused for a moment so you could let that sink in. “But when I got to visit you, no one watched me. No one cared about what I did here because everyone was too busy with the important things. I guess that's why I went crazy and did all these horrible things.”

A tear rolled down your cheek while you listened to him. You had no idea. But how could you? He never talked that much, especially about himself or his family. Now you knew why. And you heart ached even more.

“I'm so sorry Changkyun. If I'd only known.” Your hand reached out for his again and this time he let it happen.

“Me too. I feel so bad about what I did.”

“It's okay”, you said, your thumb softly stroking the back of his hand. “How about we start over? Forget about the past and try to look forward.”

And this was the first time you saw him smile. You gave yourself some time to cherish his beauty. “You should smile more. You look beautiful when you do.”

He blushed and turned his head away from you to hide it. He couldn't handle compliments, but he really appreciated what you said and once more he felt the butterflies in his belly rise. Maybe it wasn't a real marriage, but his feelings for you were.

Yes, he was insecure when he was a child and yes, his childhood was difficult, but that wasn't the only reason why he bugged you. You were his first crush and even if it wasn't love back then, it definitely was now. He fell for you the moment you saw each other again. He was stunned by your beauty, incapable of process what just happened to him.

***

Now the big day had come.

You stood in front of your dressing room, your heart was racing and your breath went uneven. Holy shit, you were so nervous! You tried to calm down, kept telling yourself everything would go well. But that's not was you're afraid of. The thought of getting married to Changkyun was the real problem.

Who would've guessed that you'd actually like him by now?

Things were different now, since you've spend the night together in the backyard watching the stars and talking about your future together. You laughed and enjoyed each others company since then and you got to know each other more and more.

Maybe this marriage wasn't such a bad idea anymore. Maybe.

“There you are!”

You flinched as you heard his voice and you both had to laugh. “Did I scare you?”

“You always do”, you said mockingly. “What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the other end of the castle right now?”

“Probably”, he said, shrugging his shoulders. “But I wanted to see you.”

Your heart skipped a beat as he said that and for a second you thought you'd imagine him saying that. But he actually did.

“I wanted to.. talk to you for a second.” His voice sounded unsure, but full of desire at the same time. He was nervous as hell you could tell that and once again you were surprised of how much of emotions he actually had to show, since you two talked about everything.

“Okay. What's up?”, you asked, trying to keep the easiness alive because you had no idea was was going on right now. He was so... different.

“Well... when everything's done they probably want us to.. you know.. kiss.”

Your eyes widened as you realized what he was insinuating and your body started to shake. Panic and a thrill of anticipation overrun you and paralyzed you out of nowhere.

“Y-yes?”

“I... I just don't want our first kiss to happen in front of thousands of people. You know? I want it to be.. special.”

You just nodded in agreement, unable to speak a single word.

Changkyun took a deep breath before he took the last steps towards you to stop right in front of you. His arms wrap around you hesitantly, to pull you close to him.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?”

Again you nodded and he leaned in, stopping a little right before his lips met yours. He was unsure if you really wanted this, but he wanted to give it a try anyway and as his lips met yours all insecurities were gone. He kissed you carefully, trying to not overwhelm you and himself.

He took his time to savor this, indeed, very special moment. You were simply blown away, only focused on the feeling of his lips on yours. Butterflies started to do somersaults in your belly and you just knew, you fell for him deeply.

You opened your eyes again as the kiss slowly came to an end and this time it was you who blushed. He smirked a little, totally overwhelmed by the fact that he just kissed you. And maybe he was a little proud of himself for gathering enough courage to do so.

“To be honest, I wanted to figure something out.”

“And what is that?”, you asked, anxious about what he might answer.

His smirk grew bigger. “I wanted to see if you might... like me.”

You blushed even more, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. He chuckled, tightening his hug to pull you even closer. His hand stroke your back to help you calm down as he could feel how much your body was trembling.

“Hmm. So, you do have feelings.”

“Yes, I do, idiot. Now let's get married!”

[they-call-me-the-fomfather]

Quarantine Fic Rec

So I decided to do a Sterek fic rec of some of my favs because it’s quarantine and I’ve literally re-read these sooooo many times.

Please heed the warnings! I am an adult and thus read E, if that’s not for you, no worries, there’s other fic on here and out there! DO NOT READ E if you shouldn’t or don’t want to. Let’s all be cool consenting adults, yeah?

Leave a comment on AO3 if you like any of them!

Fly a Little Faster by mirrorkill (32,052 | 1/1 | T)

Everyone knows when you go back in time, you shouldn't step on an ant, just in case you accidentally kill your own grandparent or something. But what happens when you go back in time and, uh, accidentally interrupt the one event that apparently made the Grumpiest Alpha in Town into a ball of mindless manpain?

Well, if Marty McFly can do it, so can Stiles Stilinski. All he has to do is get Derek and Paige to fall in love before he gets pulled back to his own time. And before he makes anything worse. That's easy as pie, right? Right?

Now as Ever (All That Is and Has Been) by venis_envy (52,270 | 16/16 |  E)

Stiles can't remember what happened to rearrange the time-space continuum, or how he ended up being pulled into the past. All he knows is that he's there now, in 2003 Beacon Hills, with a teenage werewolf and a possibly-crazy veterinarian as his only allies.

Play It Again by metisket (63,206 | 3/3 | T)

In which Stiles goes along with one of Derek’s plans and ends up in an alternate universe as a result. He should’ve known better. He did know better, actually, and that means he has no one to blame but himself.

“Laura wants to lure the kid in with food and kindness and make a pet of him, like a feral cat. Derek wants to have him arrested for stalking. They’re at an impasse. (And the rest of the family is staying emphatically out of it in a way that suggests bets have been placed.)”

Misfire by mothlights, unpossible (28,804 | 6/6 | T)

“The debt must be repaid,” she says, and it has the weight of a vow. The words resonate through him, ringing through his ribcage and the bones of his jaw, and Stiles loses his breath and maybe his grip on reality because she draws herself upright and where there had once stood a supermodel-level MILF now there is Galadriel’s much hotter older sister, a Presence of unmistakable power in their ordinary, smells-vaguely-of-Thai-takeout hallway.

“Oh shit,” Stiles says.

Help Wanted (But Not Really) by reillyblack (26,097 | 9/9 | M)

"Stiles, I'll clear up your confusion about the position. Derek here needs someone to live with him. He's a difficult person to live with, so I won't sugarcoat that. But his responsibilities at the company right now make it impossible for him to actually take care of himself and his home. That would be your job," Laura explained.

Both Stiles and Derek objected at the same time.

Wolves in the Timber by adeepeningdig (17,217 | 3/3 | T)

Stiles had always thought that Derek would understand, maybe. If Derek had been around to talk about it. He would know what it was like to think that maybe it wasn’t a fluke, maybe there’s something in you, something twisted that pulls blood and betrayal and death to you, like a remnant of your mother’s disease, her monstrous confusion, still encoded in your genes. Stiles still dreams of that day in the loft, the water lapping at his ankles and the dirty light. Derek’s stricken face. He wonders if there are days when Derek wants to tear his own hands off too. But Derek wasn’t around, and now he’s a wolf. So.

He’s 28 years old, it’s been years. He’s past all that. He should be past all that.

There’s a black wolf panting on the floor of his apartment like an accusation. Stiles knows that there’s nothing that Lydia can say or do. He’s not projecting, it’s the truth, it’s the kinship he’s always felt with Derek, and if he could curl into his animal self, he would, and maybe he would stay there. It would be easier that way.

Good News, Bad News, Very Good News by clotpolesonly (2,088 | 1/1 | G)

Bad news: Keys locked inside. Good news: Experienced lockpick Stiles Stilinski, at your service. Worse news: Boss-man might think he was a juvenile delinquent. Better news: Cute deputy totally saw him being badass. Worst news: Deputy already knows he's a total loser, it is Too Late. Best news: Deputy doesn't seem to mind.

Constantly on the Cusp by alisvolatpropiis (40,884 | 13/13 | E)

Stiles is gay, out and proud, and a Beacon Hills deputy. Derek is a firefighter and war veteran who thinks he's straight; or, Derek and Stiles have lots of semi-public hatesex on the road to Love.

A Knight in Shining Flannel by elpie (horribibble) (3,650 | 1/1 | T)

When a frantic phone call from his daughter sends him speeding across town, Derek Hale is prepared for the worst.

What he finds instead are the Stilinskis.

-

An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and one bad babysitter.

Strut on a Line, its Discord and Rhyme by xiaq (61,811 | 21/21 | T)

“Carry me,” Stiles says.

“No.”

“But I’m injured.”

“You have a rash,” Derek says. “On your arm. Your feet work just fine.”

“Please?”

“No. You weigh almost as much as I do. And you ate a pound of chicken at lunch.”

"Well, yeah, but I pooped like an hour ago, so.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Don’t play, you love me.”

I do, Derek thinks, relatively horrified. I really do.

Wolf in the House by joelawson (33,481 | 1/1 | T)

“What? It’s totally an improvement. He’s not scowling, or dating bad guys, or slinking around in unsanitary places. Still a bit paranoid, but what can you do. At least he’s a lot easier to get along with when you can buy his affections with ear rubs.”

“And you always wanted a dog,” Sheriff added wryly.

“And I always wanted a dog.”

Suspicious Minds by hellhole (sweetfanfics) (40,105 | 1/1 | E)

“Don’t feed Balto your pizza,” Stiles mildly warns his daughter.

“Derek.”

Stiles pauses, mouth open and cheese sliding off the pizza as he parrots, “Derek? Who’s Derek?”

His daughter rolls her eyes, like Stiles has just asked her the dumbest question ever. “The wolf, Daddy!”

“You changed his name?” Stiles asks in surprise. Usually she’s pretty set about naming things. Her doll’s name was decided two seconds after receiving it, the car has been Alonzo for three years now, and the toaster ‘Pop’ for the last six months.

Meg nods, prodding the sliding cheese back on top of her slice. “Yeah. He told me his name is Derek. And that he doesn’t really like Balto.”

“Is that right?” he asks, eyeing the wolf who seems far too interested in watching a pair of animated moose arguing. It’s official. This wolf is weird. This whole situation is weird.

-- Separated from Laura after being cornered by some hunters, an injured Derek finds himself being rescued by Stiles and his young daughter. In more than one way.

Our Lives are Changing Lanes by grimm (47, 537 | 1/1 | E)

There's a lot of screaming going on inside the first house Stiles visits. He isn't really worried, because it sounds like kids, but then the door opens and hi, says his dick, because the dude in front of him is gorgeous, built like a god with a face like thunder. Stiles wants to lick that solid jaw line. Hold the fuck on, says his cop brain, because the dude's got kids hanging all over him; one's on his back, skinny legs looped around his waist, and another two hanging off one arm, toes barely brushing the ground. There's a tubby toddler clinging to his leg like a koala, and he's got a baby tucked into the crook of the one arm that doesn’t have kids hanging off it. Stiles' mouth drops open.

"How many of those kids did you kidnap?" he asks before he can wrangle his brain into submission.

The man gives him a look that says what the fuck is wrong with you and snaps, "You think I'd subject myself to this on purpose?"

"Oooh," says one of the kids hanging off his arm. "I'm telling Mom."

There’s hella more where these came from, I’ve literally got a list of over 3,000 fic I’ve read, so if anyone likes, I can do another!

Stay safe but don’t stay bored,

Fomfather

[myhockeyworld87]

Nervous Regrets -Tyler Seguin _ Part 21

Word Count: 3737

POV: Reader

Warnings: Language, because I think that I least use one cuss word a story

Notes: We’re prepping for the big proposal guys! Hope you enjoy! Peace, Love and Hugs all!

The decision to leave your job, ended up being one of the best you ever made; you realized this over the next couple of days. You tried to keep up a normal routine. So some mornings when Tyler would get up and workout; you’d get up and join him, by doing yoga. Other mornings, you didn’t mind cuddling with the dogs while he went to morning skate. Tyler convinced you, that you didn’t need to start looking into new charities until he was on the road again. In fact, his exact words were something like, ‘as your new boss, I’m making your working hours, only when I’m on road trips.’ You literally just shook your head at him and laughed, to which he chased you around the house until he caught you carried you off to bed where you showed him who the real boss of the family was.

 It was like that pretty much everyday, while he was home. By day four you’d christened every room in the new house, some of them twice. On day five, the two of you decided to actually head out in public and start doing some shopping for the baby’s room. The designer had given you some great ideas for the room, so you knew that you wanted it to be in shades of grey and white. That way once you found out if it was a boy or a girl you could add in pinks or blues for pops of color. The hardest decision was picking out either a grey or white crib, but in the end Tyler won out with the white he said you had to have. The two of you spent the whole day buying furniture and necessities for the baby. It was definitely going to go down as one of the best days you’d had in a long time.

 Tyler insisted upon purchasing a huge stuffed puppy for the room, as well as several other animals. But you drew the line when he started trying out the breast pumps; finally calling it a day before he started trying out pacifiers or diaper genies. You’d save that for another time. All in all, the two of you got a good chunk of the baby’s room done in your day of shopping. You had a definite picture of what the room would look like when you brought your little one home.

 The following day, you were standing in the baby’s room, picturing how everything would be laid out when your phone rang. “Hey mom, how was your trip?” She spent the next several minutes telling you all about Alaska and how much your dad loved going fishing. Though she threw you for a loop when she mentioned they weren’t going to be having Thanksgiving at the house this year. Apparently, your brother Sean decided to host, but he lived down in Houston; which meant that if you and Tyler decided to go, you’d spend more time driving there and back then you would with your family. Besides, Tyler’s schedule really wouldn’t allow for you to make the journey anyway, as he would be getting back in from Pittsburgh late the night before, then had a game the following day. It was kind of disheartening, you’d hoped to see your parents over the holiday or even host the dinner yourself; since you and Tyler were in the new house, but it wasn’t meant to be. Which is why Tyler found you in the baby’s room, crying.

 “Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, as he drew your body into his. When you didn’t answer right away, he tried again. “Why are you crying (Y/N)? Is it the baby?” You shook your head no, and held onto him a little tighter.

 “I don’t know.” You sniffed rather loudly. “I just found out my family is going to Sean’s for Thanksgiving.”

 “And you thought, they’d be here this year.” Nodding yes, you buried your head back into his chest. “Well why don’t you go down and be with them baby.”

 Pulling back, you looked at him as if he’d gone crazy. “I’m not leaving you for the holiday. Besides, isn’t your family coming in?”

 He looked a little sheepish. “Umm...well actually no they aren’t going to make it either.”

 “But Cass and Candace are coming tomorrow aren’t they?”

 “They are, but they’re only staying for a few days; then heading back home.” Tears started to flow down your cheeks again. It wasn’t that you minded spending the holiday alone with Tyler, it was just going to be your first holiday together and you wanted both of your families with you. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal babe. Maybe I can call my mom and see if they can make it.” His face took on a guilty look, but you couldn’t figure out why.

 “No, I don’t want them to change their plans. It’s just my stupid hormones. I suppose we can just have chicken or something.” It wouldn’t be the same as a turkey but you’d make it work.

 He pulled you back into him. “Awe sweetheart, we can still have turkey. I’ll eat the whole damn bird if you want.” That made you laugh. Sadly, you could picture Tyler stuffing himself trying to make you happy. “Actually, I have a great idea. I’m sure some of the guys don’t have any plans or family coming in. We could host Thanksgiving for them.” Before you could agree to anything he continued. “Hear me out, I don’t want you in the kitchen cooking all day; so we could cater it or something.”

 “But I want to cook. We don’t need to have food brought in. I’ll have a couple days to get everything ready while you’re on the road. It will be perfect.”

 “Babe, that’s a lot to undertake. Remember you’re pregnant.”

 You looked down at your growing belly. “Kinda hard to forget.” A chuckle escaped your throat. “It will be fine, remember I’m unemployed at the moment.”

 “You’re not unemployed.” He protested. “You have the best boss in the world, who is very flexible with your hours.” His hands started to wander all over your body and he started to pepper you with kisses. “In fact, I do believe he told you not to start working right away. So, maybe we should head back to bed.”

 He kissed the sensitive skin between your neck and shoulder, and you felt your body relax. “Is this sexual harassment?” Tyler murmured something you couldn’t comprehend as he continued to trail kisses up your neck. “If that was a yes, then I could get used to it.” He picked you up and carried you off to your bedroom, for some reason Tyler had declared the baby’s room off limits, when it came to your sexual escapades. The two of you spent the rest of the day alternating between lounging around the house and making love. You had to admit, that this part of your new job was definitely a perk.

 While Tyler, was at the rink for practice; you headed off to the airport the next morning to meet his sisters. The three of you quickly hugged in the pick-up line, then threw the luggage in the car before heading back to the house. “I can’t believe how great you look (Y/N).” Candace remarked. “Your little bump is so adorable.”

 “You’re way too sweet, because somedays this little one doesn’t seem small by any means.”

 “Oh please, you barely look pregnant. I think I’ve had a food baby bigger than your actual child.” Cassidy chimed in, causing you all to laugh.

 “I’m so excited you guys are finally visiting us in the new place. I wish your mom could’ve joined you.” They exchanged a weird look with one another, which you wouldn’t have caught had you not been looking in the rearview mirror to switch lanes. You let it slide, figuring they would let you know if something was wrong.

 “She wanted to come, but just couldn’t get away.”

 It was Candace who answered you. “Well hopefully she’ll make it here soon, if not I’m sure you’ll all be here for Christmas.” Both of the girls nodded agreement. “I was hoping that you guys would make it for Thanksgiving as well, but Tyler said you guys had other plans.” Again, a strange look passed between them, there was definitely something going on that you didn’t know about.

 “It’s just…” Candace started to say, right before Cassidy blurted out.

 “We’re not American.”

 “What does that have to do with it?” Came tumbling out of your mouth before you even had a chance to think about what you were saying. Candace fully turned around and glared at Cassidy in the backseat, which gave you a moment to recover. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to question you on that. I’m sure you guys have more important things going on.”

 It was Cassidy who decided to expand on her initial answer. “Don’t apologize, it was a stupid answer. You can obviously tell that we’re trying to hide something.” Again Candace gave her the death glare. “Candace doesn’t want me to tell you, but…and promise you won’t tell Tyler.” She was waiting for you to respond.

 “Of course, I won’t say a word.” “Candace has a new boyfriend, and she wants to spend time with him.”

 “Cassidy!” She yelled back at her sister.

 “She’s afraid Tyler’s going to go all ape shit or something and not approve of him. Which is why we were being so secretive about everything.”

 “Well, I’m not going to say a word to him; though you know he only wants you both to be happy.” While you were certain he would totally give this guy a hard time, if Candace liked him, Tyler would as well. “So tell me more about this guy. Is it serious?”

 “It’s really…new. In fact, it’s so new…I don’t want to jinx it or anything.” Candace answered you hesitantly. You didn’t want to prod too much, she obviously seemed nervous about it. Making a mental note, you wanted to make sure you told Tyler not to give her a hard time if the conversation came up.

 “Well if you ever want to talk about him, I’m all ears.” They quickly changed the subject back to the baby, as the three of you continued the trek back to the house.

 Tyler was waiting for you, when you got there. He literally started to give them a hard time the minute they walked through the door, but it was just that brotherly, sisterly comradery that you shared with your siblings as well. Though he did give you a funny look when you hit him on the shoulder, when he asked about their love lives. It felt odd giving them a tour of the house, but since this was their first time here it was kind of expected.

 You were all relaxing in the living room, having an easy conversation before Tyler had to leave for the game. “Hey babe, I forgot to tell you the Stars Foundation is having a gala on December 4th , that we need to attend.”

 “I thought they only did Boots and Blades? And didn’t they just have that?”

 “Umm…Yeah they did. This is a new one they’re having this year. Something about Fire and Ice. It’s super fancy, apparently.”

 Great, you were several months pregnant and now you needed to attend some gala and try and look like a million bucks. “Can we just skip it? I don’t really have anything elaborate to wear that’s going to fit me at the moment. Besides, the foundation never called me to help with anything for it; so it must not be super important.”

 Tyler’s eyes got extremely wide, and he seemed at a loss for words. “We could go shopping tomorrow and find you something.” Cassidy said filling the void.

 Tyler nodded his head in agreement. “That’s a great idea Cass.” He pulled out his wallet and scrambled through it finding his credit card and handing it over to you. “Buy the works. I want you to look amazing.”

 “I’m not going to look amazing in anything. We missed Boots and Blades and it was fine. Seriously, I don’t think anyone will notice our absence.”

 “Babe, I was able to get out of the other one because of the accident; but I don’t think there’s any way I can miss this second one.”

 “Besides, we’ll totally have fun shopping for a gown for you.” Candace added.

 “A gown?” Either your brain wasn’t processing things fast enough, or you were still in denial about having to go to this event; for it didn’t occur to you that you’d need an actual long gown and not just a really nice dress.

 “Babe, it’s a gala; of course you need a gown.” It wasn’t that you had an aversion to dressing up; in fact you usually enjoyed it. It was just lately you hadn’t felt like all dolled up. “Come on (Y/N) it’ll be fun.” He grabbed your hand and gave you those puppy dog eyes, which you couldn’t resist. “And don’t tell me you won’t look beautiful, you already know how gorgeous I think you are.”

 “Ugh…fine. Though I hope you girls are ready to shop tomorrow; because I have a feeling it’ll take a miracle to find something.”

 “Oh stop! You’re barely showing, I’m sure we’ll find you a stunning gown to wear.” It was Candace who was giving you a little boost of confidence; that you definitely needed to hear.

 “Well now that that’s settled. I’m going to go get ready for the game.” He kissed you quick before getting up and heading to your bedroom. The three of you sat around laughing and joking until game time, then headed to the arena to watch Tyler play. The game against the Blue Jackets was hard fought, and in the end it was a tough loss for the Stars. Thankfully Tyler was in a good mood though as you all headed out for a late dinner and drinks, before calling it a night.

 The next day you tried to convince Tyler to come shopping with you and his sisters, but he was having no parts of it; even though he was the reason you needed the gown in the first place. He claimed that he had a ton of errands to do, though he couldn’t name one of them when you asked. It seemed weird that he didn’t want to spend time with his sisters.

 At the first store, it seemed like every gown was form fitting; which accentuated your baby bump in the worst way. Though Candace and Cassidy insisted it was all the trend, if you saw any celebrity that was currently pregnant. You knew they were right, but when you looked in the mirror you didn’t feel glamourous, you just felt…well there was no other word for it but fat. Which you knew deep down you weren’t. In the second shop, you thought you found the winner. A black capped sleeve dress with an empire waist, which totally made you look not pregnant at all. However, when you stepped out of the dressing room, both Candace and Cassidy gave it two thumbs down; so back to the drawing board you went. Cassidy brought you in a white strapless A-line gown, that felt more bridal than gala when you tried it on, though the A-line still did seem to flatter your figure. Truth be told, when you looked in the mirror you could totally see yourself walking down the aisle to Tyler in this dress, but you weren’t quite sure your relationship was ready for that step yet. So when you showed it to them you said. “I feel like I’m supposed to get married to Tyler in this, not go to some foundation event. Besides, I’m not sure we’re ready for that step just yet.” They both looked at each other curiously before agreeing that this wasn’t the dress.

 There were pale pink ones that made your complexion look a little sallow, a dark navy one that made you feel more like a pregnant seductress than the girlfriend of a hockey player; and even a bright yellow one, that once you tried it on, you knew sun yellow was not your color. You were just about to declare the day a disaster when the owner of the shop came back with a beautiful silver sparkling gown. It fit like a glove when you tried it on, and barely showed that you were carrying a baby inside you. It was the A-line design that favored your body, set off with a deep plunging bodice. Spaghetti straps crisscrossed behind you to reveal an open back. Jewels and crystals adorn the entire dress, and made you feel as if you were glowing as beams of light from overhead struck you. The multi-layered skirt with its sparkle, flowed freely as you turned. As you gave a twirl in the mirror, you almost felt like a princess. This had to be the one, but you wanted Tyler’s sisters opinions on it as well.

 The smiles on their faces gave away their feelings about the dress, as you walked out. “Oh that’s definitely it.” Candace exclaimed.

 “Oh my god, you look stunning. You have to get that one.” Cassidy added.

 “You don’t think it’s too much with all the sparkle?”

 “No! It’s perfect!” They both said.

 “You guys aren’t just saying that because I’ve tried on a million dresses already?”

 It was Candace, who always seemed to be the voice of reason that answered. “First off, you can go try on another million if you want, because this is actually a lot of fun. Secondly, this dress is simply amazing on you. I honestly will probably borrow it from you if I’m lucky enough to get asked to an event to wear it to. You look like a Disney princess.”

 A blush rose to your cheeks. “I thought the same thing in the dressing room.”

 “Tyler is going to love it.” Cassidy added. “Though I don’t think we should show him. You need to do a big reveal or something.” “Oh Cass is right, you totally need to do that.” She stepped up beside you, suddenly fussing with your hair. She pulled back several strands, then swept some off to the side. “There you should totally wear your hair like that, with soft curls all around.”

 The reflection in the mirror was almost unrecognizable, between the dress and your hair; you truly felt like another person. “Now if you were only going to be here to fix it like that.”

 She frowned slightly, before adding. “You can always go to that salon we go to for facials and stuff.”

 “Oh I almost forgot, I made us all appointments there for tomorrow. My treat of course, for putting up with me today.”

 “Please, it’s not like we have to put up with you. You’re like the sister I always wanted.”

 Candace swatted Cassidy on the shoulder. “Hello, I’m right here. You know the sister you have.” All of you were laughing at this point.

 “Oh I know. I said (Y/N) was the sister I wanted.” With that she ran out of the dressing room into the store so Candace wouldn’t attack her again.

 “She’s a little shit sometimes but I love her all the same.” You knew how she felt, for you too felt that way about your own brothers. “Though I gotta say I can’t wait till you’re officially my sister.”

 You felt yourself tearing up a bit, for you loved both Candace and Cassidy just like they were your own sisters. “Well that might not be for a while. Especially with this little one coming. We might be doing things a little backwards, but at least we’re taking our time and making sure things are right.”

 “You never know, maybe it’ll be sooner than you think.” Candace had a twinkle in her eye, as if she knew something you didn’t, but you were pretty sure you and Tyler were on the same page when it came to waiting.  

 Eventually, you took the dress off and paid for it; then the three of you headed to some other shops, where, as per Tyler’s wishes, you bought a few things the girls liked.  Then headed home, so that you could all enjoy a meal together. The last two days with Tyler flew by and before you knew, he was back on the road again. At least this time Candace and Cassidy stayed a couple extra days to fill the void. By the time they left, it gave you two days to get Thanksgiving dinner ready. It was an easy decision to bake all the pies and desserts first, and then move on to all the rest. There would be about twenty of the players, along with their significant others coming over for dinner. You decided to get two of the largest turkey’s you could find, roasting one of them early so that you would have oven space the day of. Your mom had used the technique numerous times over the years, and people always seemed to never notice.

 When Tyler came home from Pittsburgh, in the wee hours of the morning, most of the dinner was prepared. He couldn’t believe all that you’d done in the short amount of time. It was about noon when everyone started to arrive. Tyler had got a few hours of sleep, but insisted on helping you in the kitchen as much as he could. The booze flowed freely all afternoon, as they watched football and talked about everything under the sun.

 As you sat at the table, an enormous feast in front of you, two things struck you about family. The first being that it wasn’t the celebration you thought you’d have with your family. The second, was that sometimes you find family in other places. For as you looked at all the people surrounding you it was like your own little hockey family. In their faces you saw not only friends, but people who would become aunts and uncles to the little one you carried. Everything seemed right in that moment, and you hoped that it would stay that way forever.

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 11: When The Morning Comes

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Harry has a special surprise for his girl.

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Chapter 10: Only Us - Harry’s in Paris but his heart’s in Holmes Chapel.

Wattpad link

[ANNOUNCEMENT]: I have an exam on Friday, September 13 so I won’t be able to update next week (Saturday, September 14). The next chapter will be posted on Saturday, September 21. 

(I also created a Spotify playlist for this trilogy! Check it out!)

- Love, Allie.

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⌲ Facetime?

⌲ Bambi: Wait, I thought you were going out?

⌲ Nah. Plans canceled.

⌲ Bambi: Oh no :(

⌲ Are you still with the girls?

⌲ Want to see you.

⌲ Bambi: Nope, I got home an hour ago. Wait a sec.

Harry lied back on his bed, peering at the bright screen in the darkness while his heart was pounding like a drum. What should he say to her? How should he begin? He had mentally prepared a script on the ride back to the hotel, but now he'd forgotten every single word as all these negative thoughts were eating away at him.

He couldn't forgive Ruby for the fucked up thing that she'd done. But what about himself? Could he forgive himself? Y/N might have kept a secret from him, but he was the one that owed her an apology. It was sad to think about all the smiles she'd had to fake to convince him that everything was fine. The worst part was, he'd believed them all.

A muscle in his jaw twitched as FaceTime rang and he accepted the call, only to be greeted by a black screen.

"Turn on your camera, Bambi," he said, frowning.

"Shhh, I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Harry was even more confused when he heard rustles in the background. "What are you up to, kid?"

Y/N finally removed her hands and stepped away from her laptop, giving Harry the full view of the dusty blue dress she was wearing.

"This is my bridesmaid dress. I want you to be the first one to see it on me."

"Jesus Christ..." Harry muttered, smiling so big that his cheeks hurt.

Words couldn't describe how gorgeous his girlfriend looked right now. The fancy floor-length dress should've contrasted her bare face and messy hair, but on the contrary, it intensified her beauty. He wished she could for once see herself through his eyes, maybe then she would love herself as much as he loved her.

Y/N looked straight into the webcam as she adjusted the spaghetti straps and stepped closer to show him the gorgeous lace details on the bodice.

"You're perfect," he sounded almost breathless. "Gosh, you're perfect."

His reaction got her blushing but she couldn't stop grinning now.

"Do I look like a princess?" she asked and gave him another twirl with both arms rounded above her head like a ballerina. Now as an adult, she was still obsessed with tulle dresses, and Harry thought it was absolutely endearing.

"You do, baby, you do. You're my little princess."

"My prince." She bobbed a curtsy to him like the exuberant little girl he'd grown up with. And he would kill to see her like this every day, for the rest of his life.

"You shouldn't be allowed to be at the wedding, you're gonna steal all the attention away from the brides."

She rolled her eyes at his cheeky remark and plumped herself into the spinning chair. The Ruby problem still hadn't slipped his mind, and he was still mad as hell, but this certainly wasn't the right time to talk about it. She was excited, and he didn't have the heart to take that away from her.

He beamed, showing his teeth. "Maybe I'll show up as a surprise guest and steal all the attention from you."

Y/N only snorted as she assumed he was kidding. For someone who owned a private jet and big houses in so many cities in the world, Harry wasn't as free as people might think. He had to be on set almost every day for the rest of his stay in Paris, so if he wanted to attend the wedding, he would have to duplicate himself.

But a wise man once said, 'there's no problem, only solutions.' This time, Harry might have found the perfect solution.

The next morning, as he got on set, everyone wondered if something had happened to him the night before. He was talking to everyone and cracking jokes, and Evangeline, the director, told him, "keep up with that attitude and today might be your lucky day."

He hoped she was right, but so far, his day had been pretty mediocre. Sure he'd had a few happy and memorable moments during scenes and in between. But overall, mediocre. It was the thoughts about what he would do after finishing work that kept him motivated.

Acting with Ruby might be the only challenge of today. It wouldn't have been so hard if earlier that morning she hadn't had flowers sent to his trailer with a note saying she was sorry. How could she simplify what had happened with a single bouquet? Their issues were way bigger than that and too much for him to handle, so just like those flowers from her, he tossed them in the bin. Out of sight, out of mind.

At around 5 PM, Harry left the film set. Instead of going back to his hotel, he asked the driver to take him to the airport where his private jet was waiting to take him back to London. By the time he got back to Holmes Chapel after a four-hour drive, it would've been almost midnight.

As his car moved over the country road, lights on full beam, he finally understood why Y/N enjoyed long night drives so much. This was his time to let his brain roam free. He felt like the only person in this world as cars drove past him without knowing who he was. The idea of being a nobody excited him. When the morning came, he would return to London and fly back to Paris, pretending that tonight had never happened. Because tonight, he wasn't Harry Styles the movie star, he was just a nobody from Cheshire going home to visit his girl.

Meanwhile, Y/N was home and wide awake. During her first two years of college, she had spent almost every night at a different party or a club, just trying to find meanings for her life by doing crazy meaningless things. But her mindset had changed after a year without him, and now she preferred spending time alone, and of course, with him.

It was nearly half-past eleven. she was sitting on the bed, with her laptop on her lap and Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac blasting through the Bluetooth speaker on the nightstand. She couldn't call Harry for he'd told her he would be out with his team, so she decided to reread his notes and maybe write something. She had expected it to be hard to be inspired after having taken such a long break from writing, but then she ended up sitting for hours in front of her laptop, typing away effortlessly.

When the first few pebbles hit her window, she was too caught up in her own fictional world to hear it. But that was only until the biggest one nearly broke through the glass and caught her attention. She bounced off the bed and dashed to the window to see what was happening.

"Harry?!" Her eyes were wide with shock. She had to lean outside a bit further to make sure the streetlight wasn't playing tricks on her vision. But then he called, "Bambi!" And she knew she wasn't insane. He was.

"What the hell?!"

"Juliet would never use that kind of language!" He chuckled.

"And you're not Romeo," she rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Oh, wait, you know what? From this angle, you do look like young Leo in 'Romeo and Juliet'."

"Told ya!"

"Or maybe it's just the bad lighting."

Harry held up his middle finger as she tossed her head back and laughed.

"Just get down here before your dad wakes up and kills me!"

"Shit, you're right. One minute!" Giggling, she threw on a jacket over her PJ and snuck out of the house. The moment she burst through her front door, she leaped fast down the steps and straight into his strong arms.

There was the kind of hug that was brief and gentle; then there was the kind of hug that was suffocatingly affectionate, like this one, her favorite. She stood on her toes, arms draped around his neck as she inhaled the familiar scent from his shirt to make up for the last few days she hadn't got to feel him. As he leaned down, she stretched her neck for an open-mouthed kiss, clumsy yet impassioned. He nearly lifted her off the ground completely and squeezed the air out of her, but she didn't complain. She could stay like this, right here with him, until sunrise.

By midnight the darkness was almost absolute. The moon had shrunk to almost nothing and the tiny little stars scattering across the sky looked little specks of dust on a black velvet blanket. With the flashlight on their phones guiding the way, she snuck him into her backyard, and they climbed over the new fence to get into his yard. He went first and then held onto her hips to get her down.

"Have you done this before?" she asked when he turned on the outdoor lights on his back porch.

"Done what?" He arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"Sneak into someone's backyard."

"This is my backyard though."

"You don't live here anymore. It doesn't count."

"Okay, then no. Have you?" Harry wetted his lips, hands on her hips as he backed her up against one of the square columns supporting the porch. She stood with her hands behind her back and her back against the wood, her face lifted as she stared into his dark green eyes.

"Nope." She shook her head, letting him lean heavily against her and bury his face into her neck.

"Another first for us," he mumbled.

She sighed and pushed him away by his shoulders, their eyes meeting again. Her eyebrows furrowed as she told him, "you're crazy."

"Yeah," he said happily. "I’m crazy for you."

Y/N didn't say anything else. She didn't ask him why or how or when or what or any other questions relating to him showing up here. She knew he couldn't stay for long, so they shouldn't waste their time together on excessive inquiries.

"Come." He stepped back and grabbed her hand. "Wanna show you something."

Bemused, she followed him toward the fence separating their two houses. The porch lights illuminated almost two-thirds of his garden, giving them a good view of the whole lawn. Right exactly where their treehouse used to stand, was now a sapling planted in a patch of soil.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed and squatted down on the grass to observe the tiny tree as he did the same, and then she looked up, blinking her inquisitive dark eyes.

"How long has it been here?"

"Last night." He crossed both arms on top of his knees. "You said no expensive gifts, so...I bought you a tree."

"From Paris?!"

The way she screwed up her face had him chortle. "No, silly, from the shop near our school. Mum helped me plant it."

"It's so cute, baby!" She clutched her heart. "I love it so much!"

"Yeah? We can build a new treehouse on it once it's fully grown."

"But we will have been sooooo old by then."

"Then we'll build it for our children."

Harry was completely unaware of what he'd blurted out until he saw the look on her face. Her forehead creased as her lashes fluttered. Oh shit, what had he done? Why would he say that?! He had literally flown across the ocean and driven four hours back here to scare off his girlfriend with his spontaneous one-sided future plan for them. What if this freaked her out? What if she hated him? What if—

"Was that a proposal?"

"Huh?"

"Did you just indirectly propose?" she softly rephrased the question, smirking as a blush crept up his face. "I think our children will love it."

"Did you just indirectly said yes?" He released a throaty laugh.

"Maybe," she said at last, her cheekbones lifted high.

That one-word answer filled him with elation as he started grinning like a Cheshire Cat and plopped down on the grass, crossing his legs. Y/N subconsciously mirrored his posture.

"I used to dream of marrying you under that tree, right here in your backyard," she admitted, even in this light, he could still see her cheeks turning pink. Maybe that was why she couldn't look him in the eye as she spoke and had to distract herself by fidgeting with a wild flower. She went on, "I remember having this long discussion with Celine about our dream weddings during one of our sleepovers in fifth grade. We both agreed to marry the love of our lives right where we first met them, and now, ten years later, her dream is finally coming true."

"What about you?" His tone was low and cautious as he hesitated, "do you...do you still want a wedding in my backyard?" It was just him indirectly asking her if she considered him as the love of her life.

"I indirectly said yes, didn't I?"

Harry's heart leaped with joy when he heard the answer. He got up on his knees, pinned her down on the grass, and kissed her mouth desirously. They didn't mind getting their clothes dirty as they were sprawling across his yard, kissing and caressing one another. The night was young and so were they. Right now it was just them and the infinite sky above. They felt so small, but at the same time, like they could conquer the world. Was this the kind of love people would write songs and books about? The kind of love that made you feel powerful and capable of anything? Harry hoped she felt the same way because now there was fire was burning underneath his skin, but it was the type of burn that left him yearning for more. He didn't want to say goodbye, even just for another week. Could he just wrap her up in a blanket and take her with him wherever he went? He couldn't prevent that selfish thought, but he kept it to himself. She would yell at him if he suggested that she let him fly her to Paris, since she didn't even let him spoil her with expensive souvenirs.

"Do you like the gift?" he asked, and she brightened.

"I love it as much as I love you."

"Wow, that's a lot."

As he pretended to be shocked, she giggled and said, "I know."

He placed a few more pecks down her neck before rolling onto his back, holding her hand. Both turned to look at each other at the same time and dissolved into laughter at the cute little coincidence.

The next question slipped out of his mouth before he could reconsider asking. "If you're unhappy, you'll tell me, right?"

"Why would I be unhappy?" She pondered and turned to the side as he did the same, facing her.

"I don't mean right now. Everyone has those days, especially you," he said and booped her nose. "But you'll tell me, right?"

"Of course."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

He sighed in relief when she hooked her pinky to his.

Anyone would've called him mad for putting his faith in a pinky promise, but in their world, a promise, big or small, should always remain unbreakable. So he trusted his Bambi to keep her word.

"We need to get used to each other's absence," she changed the subject after a moment, glowering at him. "It's easy to travel back and forth between Paris and London, but what will happen when you go on press tours?"

"We'll figure out a way. Don't you worry."

"I don't want to trouble you."

"You could never trouble me, kid. I don't mind traveling halfway across the world to see your face."

He ran his thumb across her pouty lip, wanting to ask her what was wrong, but she went first, "are you scared of it?"

"Of what?"

"Absence."

"Well, yeah, I am," he exhaled. "All the time." It was hard to admit it, but it did feel much better to get it off his chest.

"You know," she trailed off and bit her lip as her face relaxed. "There's a saying that 'absence is to love as wind is to fire: it extinguishes the little flame, it fans the big.'"

"Are we the big flame or the little flame?"

"We could burn this whole town down," she said, her big round eyes twinkled like stars.

Harry spread his arms and Y/N automatically shifted in to rest her head on his chest. The night air cooled their skin as soft breezes blew through their hair and clothes. His limbs gradually went numb and he was almost paralyzed from his neck down, but in a good and soothing way. He felt like he was floating and only felt like this when he was home.

"What did you get me the other day?" Her voice was clear and soft.

He looked down, beaming at her face. "Why don't you guess?"

"Shoes?"

"Christian Louboutin."

"Cheeky bastard," she snorted. "Have you returned them?"

"No, I keep them in case you change your mind. They're in my car actually."

When she narrowed her eyes, he expected a grumble, but then she gave him a shrug and said, "fine, I'll wear them to the wedding."

"That's my girl!" He pulled her right in by the arm and showered her face with kisses until she pushed him away, breathless from laughing so much. Y/N flipped onto her stomach, resting her cheek on her knuckles as she smiled down at him and he stroked her face tenderly.

"Don't forget to tell the wedding guests your rich boyfriend got you those shoes," he said.

"Oh, you mean my sugar daddy?" The corner of her eyes crinkled. "How about I tell them I met this eighty-year-old man and became his sex slave so he could pay my rent?"

"Sounds like a cool guy. What's his name?"

"Howard Stein."

"Oh God." He tossed his head back and cackled. "Imagine saying that name during sex."

"Oh, fuck me harder, Howard!" she moaned loudly, and they dissolved into laughter.

Only an hour ago it was pitch dark, but now the mist was visible, luminous. Harry knew it was time for him to go. They climbed over the fence and headed back to his car parked on her driveway. They kissed goodbye and held each other for a bit longer to make up for the lost time. He didn't forget to give her the nude Christian Louboutin pumps he'd bought in Paris. She could say she hated them but the glow in her eyes gave herself away. He was more than satisfied with that reaction.

With one last goodbye and a kiss on the cheek, he got in his car and drove away. As exciting as the journey last night had been, the one from his hometown back to London was almost depressing. The sky was cloudy and grey, probably sympathizing with what he was feeling right now. Tall buildings emerged from the mist as the city became closer. It didn't take too long for him to arrive at the airport.

Paris welcomed him back with sunlight and a clear sky, but also a crowd of fans and paparazzi waiting outside his hotel. He stopped to give a few photographs and took some photos with fans, trying his best to ignore rude questions shouted at him, such as "where did you spend the night?" and "were you with your new girlfriend?" and even worse, "did you stay with Ruby last night?"

He turned a deaf ear to them all and said goodbye to the ones who actually loved him. It was almost noon when he got to his room and shrugged off his jacket. He collapsed on the bed, arms and legs spread, thoroughly whacked out, but he couldn't fall asleep without texting Bambi.

⌲ Just got back to the hotel.

⌲ Bambi: Get some rest. You have to be on set in the afternoon, right?

⌲ Right. Fuck me.

⌲ Bambi: Later.

⌲ Gosh, you're dirty.

⌲ That's my girl.

Harry's smile slipped when an Instagram notification popped up on the top of his screen. He quickly tapped on it to open Isaac's latest post, which was a beautiful photo of the silvery skyline at dawn, probably taken that same morning. The caption said "Holmes Chapel", and both Y/N and Celine had liked the photo.

[fluffy-marshmallow-heart]

20 Seconds of Courage -Part 21

The Elementalists au

Beckett x Oriana

words: 1768

Warnings: NSFW

Series Master List

Complete Master List

This is the final chapter of this series! Thank you so incredibly much if you've read this far! All your support means the world to me. <3

“Wake up beautiful.” Beckett whispered in Oriana’s ear, kissing behind it lightly. We have plans, remember?”

Oriana stirred. “Change of plans. We’re staying in bed all day.”

Beckett laughed lightly. “You’re the one who wanted to go scuba diving, not me. I’m only doing it for you. You’ve been hyping me up about it for months, so we’re going.”

“But it’s so early.” Oriana complained.

“It’s 9am. That’s not early by anyone’s standards, except maybe a teenager. Come on, we’re going. I’m dying to see you in all that gear.”

Oriana whacked him with a pillow. “Fine, fine, I’m getting up.”

Beckett grinned as Oriana slowly made her way out of the fluffy bed, her eyes immediately landing on their large ocean view window. “I’m never going to get tired of this place, Beck. I don’t know how you’re going to get me to leave in a few days.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, not saying a word. They were in a large villa on the Hawaii Big Island. They debated on which island to visit, and eventually settled on this one as it was the most diverse with twelve different climates. It’s a big island, so there was always something to see. They could go to a city, or into a jungle, even see an active volcano still spilling lava into the ocean. It was the most beautiful and serene place Beckett had ever visited, and here he was with the woman of his dreams. “Maybe we don’t have to leave. It’s not like we have anywhere else to be.”

It had been a crazy eight months for them. Both Michael and Jason were dead, and all of their schemes came out while the police sorted through their lives. There were other victims discovered, and cold cases closed. Beckett’s parents had reached out to him, but he only spoke to them briefly.

“They shut me out when I needed them, and I’ve accepted that. Katrina’s murder was solved. My ties with them are gone now.” He’d told Oriana. “I haven’t thought of them as my family in years.”

Oriana tried to reason with him, but he stood firm on the subject. Her adoptive parents were in shock over everything she’d been through, but they adored Beckett and that was enough for him.

As she stretched, she could feel Beckett’s eyes raking over her naked form. She smirked. “Don’t get any ideas, mister, we’re going scuba diving.”

“Maybe we have a few minutes to spare.” He murmured, quickly moving towards her and embracing her from behind. He already had his bathing suit on, but she was completely bare still. He kissed her shoulder, along her neck, and nibbled on her ear, cupping a breast with one hand while his other slid down her stomach, finding her sweet spot.

“Ohhhh.” She bucked into his touch, instantly becoming soaked. “Damn it, Beckett.”

“What” He whispered hoarsely. “It is wrong that I want to touch you? How can I resist your perfect body?”

She moaned, turning her head and capturing his lips in a searing kiss as he moved his fingers faster. “I don’t want you to resist.” She leaned her head back and rested it on his shoulder as he tweaked her nipple into a taught bud and sank two fingers inside of her tight hole, thrusting them in and out. Her breathing became more ragged and within minutes she was crying out as she came, not leaving his arms as she came down from her high. Beckett lightly slapped her ass.

“Now we’re really going to be late.”

“Your fault.” She mumbled as she finally tore herself away from him to use the bathroom and change into her swimsuit.

“Can’t help it!” He called after her with a smirk.

Soon enough they arrived at the beach where they took an hour-long fast course in scuba diving protocol and safety before being fitted with their oxygen tanks and masks. They both became certified before their trip, and Oriana was buzzing in excitement while Beckett looked out across the water nervously. Oriana slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze.

“Beck, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Really, it’s okay.”

“Ori, I said I’m never leaving you again, and that definitely includes times you decide to go scuba diving in a huge ocean where you could easily disappear. If you think I’m letting you do this alone, you’re crazy.”

“Oh really.” She laughed. “Well then. Our instructor is heading out, we should follow.”

Together they waded out into the crystal blue waters, along with two other couples and their guide. Sinking beneath the surface, Beckett had expected to feel overwhelmed and possibly a bit frightened, since the lake they became certified in was nothing compared to this, but instead he felt…free. Watching Oriana swim around admiring the colorful fish, he actually felt pretty great. The swimsuit he had on was designed specifically for him, with a secure pocket, which he patted about the millionth time.

Looking at another school of brightly colored fish, Oriana glanced over at Beckett, blushing that he was watching her. She loved him watching her. He’s been her rock, and she’s been his throughout their whole ordeal, and through each other they are healing. She still woke with nightmares often while they were home, and was seeing a psychologist for the PTSD she’s been experiencing since the day she was slipped a date rape drug. She also saw too many things the night she was kidnapped, and it affected her more than she’d anticipated. But Beckett supported her; made sure she was comfortable, and never pressed her to talk about it. For months he would ask her every day if she wanted to talk about it. Some days she would. Other days she wouldn’t, and he wouldn’t ask again until the following day. For awhile she thought it extremely annoying. In retrospect, it melted her that he cared so much. He had suffered so much loss himself, and she would do anything to make sure he never loses her.

She reaches out her hand and he swims over to join her. Even through his mask, she could feel the heat of his gaze. They never lose sight of their guide and the other couples while underwater. They could all venture on their own, and they did to an extent. Beckett led her a short distance to a pod of dolphins, feeling elated at the happiness written all over her. There were so many things hidden beneath the surface, just like him, just like her. She briefly let go of his hand to get a better look, and when she turned back he was holding something tightly between his fingers. She blinked. Surely that can’t be what it looks like. Remembering her training, she kept her breathing even, despite her heartrate exploding. She swam so she was directly in front of him, staring down at the large diamond ring he was holding before looking into his eyes and seeing the vulnerable question he was asking without using words. That might even be the reason she loves him most. He communicates so many different ways, through his actions, his gestures, his eyes, and his words. And she can decipher every single one.

A little shaky, she nodded and held out her left hand, letting him slip the ring on her finger, being extremely careful not to drop it. He already had it insured, just in case. For the briefest of moments, they both removed their mouth regulators and pressed their lips together in a kiss, before returning their regulators and breathing again. It was absolutely perfect.

Later that night, they were lying on a blanket on a sandy beach, gazing up at the stars above them. They’d celebrated their engagement all day long, but there was something else he wanted to ask her. He turned his head to look at her.

“Oriana?”

She turned to meet his eyes. “Yes?”

Beckett propped himself up on one arm. “I was thinking…you like it here, right?”

Oriana chuckled. “Tell me that’s a joke. I don’t like it, Beck, I freaking adore it. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed by the constant smile on my face.”

“Would you want to live here? Permanently?” He blurted out.

Her eyes widened and she sat up quickly. “What?”

“Look around, Ori. It’s paradise. The weather is perfect, and there’s so much to do. Everything is more laid back here. It’s sunny all the time in this area. But if you want snow, we can go to that too. If you want rain, there’s plenty there too. There’s active volcanos, there’s hiking trails, there’s scuba diving, snorkeling, sailing, surfing…we can do it all.”

Oriana had no idea what to say. “Well…”

“And it’s not like either one of us is working right now.”

“But I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of architectural jobs around here, Beck. What would we do?”

“Besides make love all day?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes. Besides making love all day.”

He smiled softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Anything we want.” He murmured, leaning in and kissing her softly. “I know this has just been a vacation, Oriana, and people are usually happy while on vacation, but…you’ve brightened so much while we’ve been here. You haven’t had any nightmares in weeks. I love seeing you happy and smiling every day and not constantly looking over your shoulder. Just think about it. That’s all I ask.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “You’re serious about this.”

“I am.”

Oriana swallowed hard, thinking back on their time together before speaking again. “Remember when we first met? And you tried to get me to stay overnight but I didn’t?”

“Of course.”

She nodded. “You said to me, ‘Twenty seconds got you here. I bet twenty seconds can get you to stay.’”

“But you didn’t…”

“I’ll stay.” She cut him off, not letting him finish his sentence. “Let’s do it. People dream of having this life. So let’s live it.”

He gasped quietly. He was not expecting her to remember all that. “Are you sure?”

“Oh don’t tell me you’re changing your mind already.” She groaned.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. “Definitely not.”

Their lips met in a passionate and fiery kiss, a silent promise being made between them. This was their new home. This was their new life, and they’re going to live it the way they want to. They both deserve happiness, and together, happiness is what they’ll have.

  @annekebbphotography​ @gardeningourmet​ @eileendannie​ @alesana45​ @drakewalkerfantasy​ @friedherringclodthing​ @mfackenthal​ @coffeebeandragon​ @jlpplays1​ @desiree-0816​ @lapisreviewsstuff​​ @cora-nova​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @drakewalker04​

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[angelbabylu]

Birthday Present // CH

pairing: reader x calum 

warnings: fluff, smut towards the very end so you can skip it if you want, an itsy bitsy bit of angst 

word count: 5.5k ish 

notes: this was really supposed to be a short fic about you and Cal fucking for his birthday but my brain decided to add an extra 3 thousand words of plot so??? which is also why i’m posting this more than a week after his birthday haha. also i’m the only one who has edited this so if you find mistakes let me know so i can fix them.

---

Calum was on the couch across from Luke idly plucking at his bass strings. The two of them were supposed to be working on the rhythm and lyrics for a song Luke had written a few days before. They had only been together for five minutes before it became clear they were both not in the mood to get anything done.

His eyes flickered from Calum to the notebook in his lap, where his handwriting was scrawled, barely decipherable, pen ink smeared from the tears he had cried while writing it. They were lyrics about a stupid fight he and Sierra were both too stubborn to apologize to each other about. This never got easier for him - putting himself in his lyrics like this. But what was he supposed to write about if not himself?

Sighing, he looked back up at Calum whose random plucking had yet to become a discernable bassline. Calum wasn’t getting anywhere with the rhythm and Luke didn’t want to put any effort into finishing the lyrics. With the wound still fresh, it was hard for him to put words to his pain. He decided to make an attempt, anyway.

“What do you think about this,” he said, trying to grab Calum’s attention before reading off the pre-chorus idea that had been stuck in his head for the past few days.

He looked up to Calum for his advice. It was no secret that Calum was a crazy talented songwriter. Luke almost always deferred to his judgment on these things. But Calum was not paying attention to him. Instead, he was miles away, smiling at what Luke hoped wasn’t the lyrics about heartbreak.

Luke had to call his name three times before his eyes refocused, locking with Luke’s for the first time that session.

“Huh?” he asked, trying to seem as if he was listening along. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that last part.”

“I said, what do you think about the pre-chorus?”

“Yeah, it’s really – “

Before he could come up with a bullshit answer to pretend he had been listening, Luke leveled him with a glare.

Calum’s mouth snapped shut.

“Sorry,” he grimaced.

Luke closed his notebook and relaxed back into the loveseat. Honestly, he was thankful for a reason not to think about the lyrics or how much he missed Sierra. “Want to tell me what you were thinking about?”

“No, man.” Calum was replying, removing the bass from his lap and placing it in the stand next to the couch. “Today’s supposed to be about you. Run those lyrics by me one more time.”

Luke really didn’t want to, so instead he took a guess. “Were you thinking about (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) was a friend of the band. They had met her at a party in West Hollywood early last year where they all became fast friends. On New Year’s a few weeks ago, Luke, Calum, and Ashton ended up at the same party as her. Calum had mentioned a few times that he regretted not kissing her that night. Luke, knowing what a hopeless romantic Calum was, guessed that was what had him smiling and staring off into space.

Calum blushed and tried to hide his face at the mention of her name.

“Calum,” Luke couldn’t help his teasing tone. He was so gone for her it was cute. “(Y/N)? Seriously?”

Next thing he knew, the pillow closest to Calum was sailing through the air and hitting him in the face.

“Shut up,” Cal grumbled, the smile and the blush never leaving his face. “I never said anything about how vomit-inducing you were with Sierra.”

Luke threw the pillow back at him with a little bit more force than necessary. “Actually, you did.” Calum, Michael, and Ashton had teased him about her for months. “But let’s not talk about Sierra.”

He could see the second Calum remembered why they were in the studio, the second he remembered the lyrics they were supposed to be working on that day.

Calum’s lips twitched downward into a small worried frown; then, he was sitting forward, elbows coming to rest on his knees. Luke instantly recognized these motions as signs of Calum wanting to have a talk. “Luke,” He said, voice softening as if he thought that speaking too loud would re-break Luke’s heart. “You and Sierra will be fine. Why don’t you just call her and talk to her?”

Luke shook his head. He didn’t want to be the first one to reach out to her. Yes, his behavior was childish and stubborn, but so was hers. He hadn’t heard a peep from her in two weeks, the longest they’ve ever gone without speaking to each other. The worst part is that she left L.A. to visit her dad and none of her friends seemed to know when she would be back. This meant that their old song and dance of getting mad at each other then running into each other at Ashton’s house and instantly apologizing wasn’t going to work this time.

Luke didn’t want to think about it, so again he tried to change the subject.

“Your birthday is coming up! What are we doing?”

Luke watched as Calum decided whether he should go along with Luke’s misdirection or attempt to have it out about how Luke was feeling.

“Fuck my birthday.”

He released a sigh in relief as Calum chose the second option.  

“I’d be happy to just stay at home and sleep,” Calum continued truthfully.

“You’re so fucking boring, man. Are you turning 23 or 40?”

Calum rolled his eyes, “75 actually.” He was probably tired of how often his friends called him an old man. Not that Calum didn’t enjoy a good party - he was just more lowkey than Luke or Ashton. “You guys’ll be pretty pissed if I don’t have a party, huh?”

“It’s not like we need an excuse to party - but it’s nice to have one. Besides, it’s not every day that you turn 23. We should celebrate!”

“There’s also nothing exciting about turning 23. It’s not like 21 or 18. If I spend this one birthday getting drunk on my couch and watching Bojack Horseman, it’s not like I’m going to regret it.”

A part of Luke didn’t want to push Calum too hard. It was his birthday. But a louder, more selfish part wanted a party. Anything to take his mind off Sierra. Plus, if he was clever, he could plan a party both he and Calum could benefit from.

“How about this? You throw a party, I’ll invite (Y/N).”

Calum pretended to take a minute to consider - but Luke knew there was no way Calum would turn him down.

His answer was, “Don’t be weird about it.”

Luke was confused. “Huh?”

“Don’t be weird about inviting (Y/N). Don’t tell her that I’m only having a party so I’d get to see her or something weird like that.”

Calum knew Luke too well. “Yeah of course,” Luke lied, hoping Calum would bite. “I’ll just tell her I need company or something, because of the whole Sierra situation.”

“Okay.”

Hook, line, and sinker. “Okay?” He didn’t bother concealing his excitement. “We’re having a party?”

“Yeah.” Calum sighed. “Let’s have a fucking party.”

---

Calum was not enjoying his party. He had invited 100 people, but there were close to 200 packed into his living room alone, even more milling around in the kitchen. There were people in his house that he barely knew and definitely had not imagined spending his birthday with. He couldn’t even move around his living room without someone bumping into him. When a girl whose face he didn’t even recognize tried to start a conversation with him, he finally had too much. Before she could even begin speaking, he turned around and pushed through the crowd towards his backyard.

The most annoying part of this entire birthday party ordeal was Luke.

Hours after they had decided on the party, Sierra showed up at Luke’s door with tears and apologies. No matter how many times Calum had spoken to Luke since then, he couldn’t seem to get a concrete answer on whether or not he had invited (Y/N). His mind was all Sierra all the time. Calum didn’t have it in his heart to feel anything more than mild annoyance, however, knowing how much the two-week spat had affected his best friend.

Now, Luke was probably off with Sierra somewhere, and Calum was heading outside alone with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

A lit cigarette in hand, he leaned his forearms on the railing of his deck, his back to the party going on inside his house. He should have kissed (Y/N) when he had the chance on New Years. The more he tried not to think about it, the more the thought stayed at the forefront of his mind. In truth, it was all he had thought about in the three weeks since then. He needed to see her again. Desperately. Before his mind started writing lyrics about it.

“You do not look like you’re enjoying your own party.”

He turned so fast, his cigarette almost flew out of his hand. If he believed in that sort of thing, he would have thought her an answer to his prayers.

“I’m not,” he said, trying to control the widening grin that contradicted the somberness of his words. “Too many people.”

“Oh definitely.” She was like him, her willingness to be in a crowd very dependent on her mood.

“You know,” he began, gesturing with his cigarette, ash flicking off the edge. “There are people here tonight that I’ve never even met? They walked in saying ‘It’s your birthday!’ and I had to restrain myself from saying, ‘Yeah I know that, do you?’”

She laughed, and he hated how he was so gone for her that even her laugh made his heart jump.

“Maybe they were asking you - to make sure that they were at the right house, you know?”

Calum snickered. “It’s your birthday?” He mocked, exaggerating the question.

“So it is your birthday! Perfect, that means I have the right house.”

It was a dumb joke, but it had her giggling at him, so he counted it as a win.

“Do you want me to go kick them out?” She asked after a beat. “I totally would.” And she would. That’s one of the things he liked the most about her. She didn’t really care what other people thought. Which was perfect, because it could be said that he cared too much.

“Nah,” He responded. “But keep me company, maybe?” He couldn’t care less what was happening in his house at that moment. Not if she was out there with him.

“Of course.”

A moment passed where they both just stood, smiling at each other, soaking up this nearness they hadn’t shared since New Year’s. There was a magnetism about her that had Calum taking a few steps closer. “I was afraid you wouldn’t be here,” he was saying, and he hated how something about her presence pulled confessions from him. He hated even more how desperate he was for her to feel the same.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“Well,” Calum began to explain. “I know Luke invited you because he didn’t want to be alone after the whole Sierra thing. . .”

At the look on her face, he trailed off. The way she bit her lip to hide a grimace suggested that Luke hadn’t invited her as his plus one.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “What did he say to you?”

Anxious for her answer, he took a drag of his cigarette, giving his mouth something to do. He knew he should have invited her himself.  He shouldn’t have trusted Luke not to embarrass him.

“Are you sure you want to know?” she asked, already pulling her cell phone from her pocket.  

Calum wasn’t, but he nodded anyway.

He immediately cringed as she started to read. “Calum desperately wants you at his party, but he’s too afraid to ask you himself. Please come and make out with him or something. Put the man out of his misery.”

“Fuck,” Calum groaned, dragging out the word, before taking another puff of his cigarette. He was going to murder Luke.

(Y/N) must have seen the murderous intent on his face - or perhaps the flush of embarrassment - because she was smiling sweetly and stepping closer to him and saying, “Well it worked, didn’t it? I’m here.”

She was there, despite the very embarrassing text she had received. He was about to ask what that meant for them when she shivered and pushed her hand into the pocket at the front of her hoodie.

“You’re cold,” he said, and before he could think better of it he followed up with, “Want to share my jacket?”

They both blushed at the implications of his words. Then, in true (Y/N) like fashion, she teased him about it. “Are you putting the moves on me, Hood?”

Calum considered shooting back a teasing joke of his own, but he needed to know, “Is it working?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, crossing the few steps between them, wrapping her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. Calum’s heart fluttered as his chest touched hers, one arm reaching up and around her, pulling her closer. He had to breathe in deep to keep his emotions in check. He realized too late that taking a deep breath was a bad idea. Her scent, her touch - his senses were overflowing with her.

It didn’t help that his mind was racing a million miles an hour, going over everything that happened in the past 5 minutes with her, making sure that he wasn’t misreading anything. He wanted to ask her what it all meant, that she came despite the embarrassing text, that she stood in front of him, arms around his waist, face on his chest.

She distracted him from the question again by groaning, “Fuck, you’re always so warm,” and melting further into his chest. “My hands are freezing. Do you mind if I-?” She was pushing up the back of his shirt, asking for skin-to-skin contact.

He doesn’t hesitate before saying, “Yeah, of course.”

But, as soon as her hands touched his back, he was jumping away from her and she was laughing as he shivered.

“Goddamn,” he exclaimed. With the hand not holding the cigarette, he reached for hers, rubbing her icy fingers with his thumb. “Why are you so cold?”

“I warned you!”

“I know. I just wasn’t expecting it, is all.” He popped the cigarette into his mouth so he could have both hands free. Then, he grabbed each of her hands in each of his and rubbed them together, before ushering them back beneath his jacket and his shirt. When the cold of her fingers hit his skin for the second time, he barely flinched. His right arm came around her again, the left taking the cigarette from her mouth.

The stood quietly for a moment before he realized, “You are the perfect height for me to rest my chin on your head.”

She squeezed him tighter, then dislodged his head from hers by leaning her head away and looking up to meet his eyes.

“To quote Luke,” and he knew exactly where she was going with that statement.

“Throwing some cheddar in the works here.” They both finished together with a laugh.

“Sorry. Just something about you makes me such a fucking cliche.” He immediately had to stick his cigarette back into his mouth to avoid saying anything else he would eventually regret.

She watched as he avoided speaking with one puff and then another.

“Those things will kill you, you know.”

He rolled his eyes and laughed. “You smoke more than I do.”

“Yeah,” She sighed. “We should try quitting again, maybe?”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, they’re both laughing again. They had both tried to quit late last year. It did not go very well. It was two weeks before she was caving and three weeks before he followed suit.

“But,” she said, voice low, once they had their laughter under control. “If you put the cigarette out, you could kiss me maybe?”

He had never dropped a cigarette so fast. He snuffed it out beneath his feet and brought the hand that was holding the cigarette to rest on her face.

“Yeah?” He asked, eyes flickering from her lips to her eyes, looking for any hesitation.

Before she could finish nodding, his lips were on hers.

Calum was afraid to go to seem overeager. He knew he had wanted this - craved this - for months now, but he didn’t know where she stood. He didn’t know if this was a decision made in the moment, if this was a decision made because of Luke’s shitty text, or if, like him, this kiss had been the subject of her daily daydreams.

So, he tried to take it slow with her. Lips pressed hard together, hand gently cradling her head, rubbing softly at the hairs at her nape. She had other ideas. It only took a minute before she was pushing for more, moving her hand from under his jacket, up around his shoulders. Her fingers tangled in his blonde hair, pulling him closer, opening up her mouth to him. He barely had time to groan “fuck,” against her open mouth before they were deepening the kiss. He finally allowed himself to get lost in the taste and feel of her - so lost, it was not until his head began to spin that he realized he had not been breathing.

He pulled away, chest heaving. As he caught his breath, she leaned forward to attach her lips to his neck.

“You’re trying to kill me,” he panted, the hand that previously cradled her head running down her back, coming to rest parallel to the other on her waist. He squeezed as she detached her lips from his neck with a wet sound, then leaned forward again to bite down.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this,” she was saying - but he could barely understand her with his skin still between her teeth.

He replaced the hand on the back of her head, to guide her back into another heated kiss. He didn’t want to assume where this was heading, but he’d fuck her right there on his deck if she’d let him. The issue was there were 200 people on the other side of his sliding glass door that would be getting a free show.

“We should take this upstairs, maybe?” He asked when they came up for air again, relieved when she nodded, grabbed his arm, and led him back inside. She had been to his house often enough to know the route to his bedroom blindfolded, but the massive amount of people still gathered in his living room made it hard to push through.

Cal was annoyed, grunting, “Fuck people,” when they were finally enveloped in the silence of his soundproofed bedroom. She didn’t seem to care. She just toed off her shoes and got on the bed before removing her hoodie, tossing it somewhere on the floor.  

Calum instantly forgot about the mass of people in his house, his sole focus on her. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Instead, she wore a thin white camisole that left nothing to Calum’s imagination. He felt his mouth water at her nipples peeking through.

“Damn.” He whispered under his breath, appreciative and aroused at the sight in front of him. He moved towards her, toeing off his shoes as well.

She laughed, and he wasn’t sure what prompted the laughter until she asked, “Do you think this is what Luke meant when he asked me to make out with you or something?”

Calum groaned, unbuttoning his pants and dropping them to the ground. “Please don’t talk about my bandmates while I have a half chub.”

She was laughing even harder then, waiting for him to step out of his pants, before pulling him down to sit against the headboard and straddling him. “You’re right,” she said, ass immediately grinding down to meet his erection. His hands flew to her waist in surprise. He released a low his hiss of arousal, his head tipping back in frustration. “Let’s get you all the way there, then we can talk about Luke.”

He ended the Luke conversation the best way he knew how - bringing their lips together to meet once more. Her laughter turned to whines as he gripped her ass and ground up against her a few times. Then, he gently shifted them, rolling them over so she could lie down, and he could hover over her, attaching his lips gently to the place where her jaw met her neck. He kissed softly down her throat, hands underneath the camisole, moving slowly towards her breasts.

“This okay?” he asked, pushing the camisole up, almost to her armpits, ready to take it off.

She nodded, sat up, and removed the thin material. As soon as she was under him again, his lips were attached to one nipple, his hand pinching and rolling the other. He loved the sounds that she made and the movement of her body as she whined and arched up towards him.

“Feels so good,” she huffed, voice high and breathless. Calum moved on to the other nipple, sucking and tugging lightly with his teeth. This had her whining, “Fuck yeah,” hips snapping up, trying to seek friction from Calum’s body. Her jeans needed to go. Besides, there were other places that he wanted to get his lips on.

He left her breasts with a final kiss on both, then slowly trailed his kisses downward. He feathered a kiss on each of the freckles she had scattered across her stomach, before reaching her belly button, dipping into it, and blowing cool air over it lightly. 

Finally reaching the button of her jeans, he looked up to her for approval. She nodded and moaned, “Jesus,” running her hand through his hair. “I love that you do that. I love that you ask for approval every step of the way. It’s fucking hot.”

He hummed in agreement, unbuttoning her pants, waiting for her to lift her hips so he could roll them down. “There is nothing hotter than enthusiastic, verbal consent,” he croaked, voice gruff with arousal. And it was true - he loved it when women were vocal about wanting him.

(Y/N) was smiling again. “Look at us. We could be the face of the next high school sex-ed consent campaign.”

Calum chuckled as he finished taking her pants all the way off, throwing them over the side of the bed. He liked this with her - he liked that they could still joke with each other in the middle of sex. Another part of him wondered what it would take to leave her speechless. He gave it a shot.

He made quick work of her panties before settling between her thighs, scruff, and lips gently rubbing and kissing the sensitive skin there. “I’ve wanted to eat you out for ages,” he hummed, before giving the same attention to the other thigh. “Thought about holding you down for hours - maybe get you to ride my face?” He looked up to see if that would be something she was into.

And it was if the dark flush that had overtaken her was any indication. She whined and bent her knees, running her foot up the side of his body. “Not tonight though, Calum,” her hand running through his hair. “Want you to fuck me.”

At that, Calum felt a wave of arousal flush through him. He nodded. He could do that. He had been dreaming about that. But first, “Just a taste, okay?”

He waited until she was nodding before he brought his head back down. He didn’t taste her immediately - he went back to her thighs, nipping at them, loving the sounds she made as his scruff rubbed lightly against them.

“Cal, don’t tease.” She pushed slightly, trying to direct him towards her pussy. He just moved over to the next thigh.

It wasn’t until she whined “Cal,” again that he gave into her. He flattened his tongue and ran it over her clit before taking it between his lips and sucking. She cried out, bending her other knee, bringing it up to match the other.

Calum wove both arms underneath her legs, bringing his hands to rest on her waist, holding her still beneath him. He alternated between sucking her clit and licking between her folds, loving how wet she was, loving being enveloped in her scent, enjoying the noises she made and the way she tried to get a grip on his too-short hair. She was so responsive under him, panting and squirming at him tonguing her.

He pulled away for a short breath asking, “You like that?”

She could barely breathe out “Yeah,” before he was on her again. He felt himself pulse with desire at every, “Jesus” and “Cal that feels so good.”

He spent forever between her until she pushed him away, hissing, “Cal.”

He looked up at her, licking the lingering taste of her off his lips. “Yes?”

She looked down at him, panting and sweaty, somewhere between wanting to pull him up towards her and push him down towards her cunt.

“What do I have to do to get you to fuck me?” she breathed out.

Chuckling, he untangled his arms from her waist, coming up on his knees. He put one hand on her stomach, holding her down. “Sorry,” he said, slowly removing his rings, tossing them on his bedside table. “I got carried away.”

She doesn’t get to respond before he is slipping two fingers inside her. They both groaned in unison as he watched as his fingers scissored in and out of her.

“God, I could play with your pussy all night,” he teased, knowing that was not what she wanted to hear.

She glared and pouted up at him, making her frustration evident.

“Put that lip away.” 

When she didn’t, he leaned down and kissed it away.

They spent a minute licking into each other as Calum’s finger worked inside her. Their lips had barely parted before she asked, “Now will you fuck me?”

Instead of answering, he slid his fingers out of her and moved over to his bedside table drawer, pulling out a condom. He held it up to show her, a silent yes to her earlier question. She rolled her eyes, watching and waiting as he rolled the condom on.

“How do you want it?” He settled over her again, lightly peppering her neck with kisses.

“Just like this,” she requested. “Wanna see you.”

He captured her lips once more with his own in silent agreement. The next time he’d take her from behind, hard and fast, until both of them were breathing hard, unable to do or say anything more than each other’s names. Right now, he wanted to enjoy her, savoring what he had spent weeks dreaming of.

He aligned himself with her and pressed in slowly, overwhelmed by how good she felt, enjoying every second until he was buried inside her. Then, Calum took a moment, drawing awareness to the fire he felt everywhere they connected, wanting to chase that heat. He flattened himself on her, burying his face in her neck, flooding his senses with her, before putting one hand on her waist, the other gripping the sheets above her head. Her legs came up to wrap around him, one arm in his hair, the other around his back. The noises she made were downright filthy, as she gasped and whimpered and cried out with every stroke.

“You feel so fucking good,” he grunted, lips attaching to her neck, sucking and biting at the skin there.

“C’mon Cal,” she pleaded. “More.”

And that was all it took for him to lose his resolve to go slow. He got up on his elbows and pounded into her. She had both hands in his hair now, pulling his head down, unable to keep their lips connected with the jerkiness of his rhythm, but wanting his mouth close anyway. He slowed for a second, to join their lips, to taste her. Then, he let his desires overtake him, got to his knees, and rammed her. His hands gripped and held her boobs while hers twisted in the bedsheets above her head.    

He wasn’t surprised how quickly he felt his orgasm building. He was surprised, however when she came before him, her whole body tightening, head thrown back in ecstasy.

He rode out the aftershocks of her orgasm then went to pull out of her, to finish himself off, but she shook her head. “Come in me.”

He couldn’t even form a coherent response to that. All he managed was, “Fuck,” drawing out the vowel of the word.

She’s nodding in agreement as if her suggestion affected her just as much as it did him. “We’re going to have to get tested ASAP, so you can actually come in me when we do this again.”

He nodded eagerly, both at the idea and the implications that this would be happening again.

“But for now. . .” She trailed off because she really didn’t have to finish. He got the message. He braced both hands on her waist and slammed into her. It only took a few strokes before he was gone. He let out a deep groan, hips coming to a halt as he came inside her. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, barely breathing, before burying his face into her neck. He had to take a moment waiting for his limbs to work again, before he moved off of her and deposited the soiled condom in the trash near his bedside table. 

When he rolled back over, coming to lie flat on his back, she laid on him, heaving a content sigh. He lazily ran his fingers down her back while she mimicked his motion on his chest.

Then, it only took a few seconds for reality to hit. Everything had happened so fast they never really talked it out. What was this to her? She had briefly mentioned a next time, but even with that he couldn’t get his hopes up. They were both notorious for friends with benefits arrangements. And that was another thing - if they did decide to give this a try, would it be exclusively? Would they end all other arrangements on the side?

He didn’t know how to ask all this without seeming desperate and insecure, so instead, he asked, “What do you want for breakfast tomorrow morning?”

He knew she had a rule, no staying overnight at an fwb’s house. If he could gage if she were staying the night, he would know where he stood with her. Getting on her elbows, she raised herself above him and leveled him with an unimpressed look. 

She saw right through him.

“You can just ask me,” she said, silently, reaching her hands up to run through his hair. He leaned into her touch. “Ask me what I want from this, from you. This is us. It will only work if we’re real with each other.”

She was right - she wasn’t just some girl he picked up at a party and decided to fuck. This was (Y/N). They were friends first. They had a rule about transparency in their friendship, and when he started hiding the fact that he was falling for her, they had lost some of that. It was time for him to start again.

“I really like you,” he confessed, eyes never once leaving hers. It took a lot for him to say those words, to put his feelings out there. He could only hope she felt the same. “I want to try this, try us, together, exclusively.”

In the few seconds it took for her to answer, he couldn’t breathe, anticipation thick in the air. He was afraid that what she said next would break his heart.

It didn't.

“I love that we’re always on the same page.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief as he pulled her down for a celebratory kiss.

“This is the best birthday present,” he murmured against her lips.

“We’ll have to send Luke a thank you card.”

“Do they make ‘thank you for inviting a mutual friend to my party so that I could bone her’ thank you cards?”

She shrugged, settling back down on his chest. “We’ll have to give hallmark a call in the morning.”

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