#crack dialogue

[ghostly-wisteria-tea]

616 Marc: Khonshu, I know your listening. Make yourself useful and get me to sleep.

616 Khonshu: ... (proceeds to do just that)

-----

616 Marc: Khonshu, I know your listening. Make yourself useful and get me to sleep.

my AU-MCU Khonshu, somehow linked and taken the place of 616 Khonshu:...Where is your bed?

Marc: Wha...(Suddenly stands up)

Khonshu: Your bed. Humans sleep on surfaces that don't give them backpain. So where is your bed.

Marc:...your, your actually listening?

Khonshu: Of course I'm listening. Your the one who called me, so where is your sleeping quarters. And your sleep wear? Your out of duty now so you should at least take off the suit. It's unhygienic to wear battle armor to sleep.

Marc: Hygiene?... Since do when you care about that?! You know what? Just get me to sleep.

Khonshu: ...I'm in jail not some instant sleeping pill Spector. At least change to something more comfortable than a suit the worm wears.

Marc: Worm? You wear this suit!

Khonshu: I'm talking about Steven Grant. And take off that mask. Unless you want me to do it for you but I'm in jail right now.

Marc: It's your fault you are in jail in the first place, so get me to sleep right now!

Khonshu: Oh, You want me to help you go to sleep? Get a proper bed first! And change to something that won't give you a rash in the morning! How long have you been wearing that mask? For the love of Mut, take it off when you sleep! It's battle armor not sleepwear. I got send away for 5 minutes and suddenly you don't know how to change your clothes? Your 40 not 4 years old. Learn! To! bath! You call yourself my priest but don't practice hygiene?! All priest are required to practice basic hygiene you idiot! If you don't take a haircut right now, I am going to break out of Asgard myself just to give you a fucking bath with the strongest soap in the cosmos can find. Consequences be damned! And get a glass of milk while you're at it! Maybe even learn some meditate if you cannot sleep, because I can't with your constant whining!

Marc: ...You wouldn't dare. Khonshu: (super pissed right now.)

--- A creaking noise from above was Marc's only warning when a fully assembled Ikea bed crashed through the ceiling and lands loudly next to Marc, who jumps back in surprise and just stares at the bed as it caused dust to scatter in the air, before settling down.---

Khonshu: Here's your fucking bed you overgrown toddler. Now get some fucking sleep!

Marc: Whe...where did you get that from? (Points at the bed in disbelief)

Khonshu: I'm a god you dick. The sheets are 100% Egyptian cotton and scented with lavender that can help promote sleep. You will lay down on that right now and close your eyes, or I will drop something even bigger than a bed. Like my actual fist to knock you out, I'll even bring my Asgardian cell with me. And these chains are very, very heavy.

---

Marc just stares at the new bed in disbelief, and shock. When he called on Khonshu, he didn't expect the god to actually answer back. But he is more surprised at the tone, Khonshu sounded pissed. The voice and reverb are the same, but something is different. Very different.

Now he has a new functioning bed in his empty room, and a hole in the ceiling.

Marc didn't want to touch the bed, thinking that it might be a delusion. He didn't eat dinner, or lunch, or anything for that day so it might be a hallucination from the hunger. But the sound feels real, the room shook like something actually crashed through it. He can even smell a faint whiff of lavender, just like what Khonshu said.

The bed looks way to real to not be a hallucination, and Marc remembers Khonshu's threat.

Marc already knew that Khonshu is real, the whole Avengers saw the god. And even though he sent the god to jail, the idea that Khonshu will try to break out just because Marc won't sleep on a proper bed is too ridiculous to believe.

Not as ridiculous as having a bed literally crash through the ceiling and get nagged at by the god Marc punched in the face.

The man is just too tired and sleep-deprived to care right now. Carefully he sat down on the bed's mattress. Which is way softer than he expected, but also firm in a way that it won't swallow your butt.

Now fully convinced that the bed is real, he lifted his legs and laid down facing up. Looking through the hole in the ceiling and saw the hole extends all the way to the building roof, showing a small view of the night sky.

And of course, Marc can see the small round disk of the full moon. It looks faint though, not as bright as he remembers. Like it isn't fully formed yet and just a shadow of what it is.

Yet looking at it, he can feel his eyelids feel grow heavy whether he wants to or not. He took in the lavender scented sheets until his mind finally fell into silence as mental and physical exhaustion took its toll on him.

[somerandomcockroach]

The first part of the fic "Mistakes on mistakes until" in a nutshell

[morganaconda]

[whump-bunny]

Whumper dialogue, but it's me trying to find my keys in my purse:

"Please don't make this difficult."

"I'm going to find you, so you might as well come out."

"Why do you always do this!?"

"Where are they... WHERE ARE THEY!?"

"There you are. And to think you were right under my nose this whole time."

"If this happens again, I'm buying a chain."

[fcthots]

OKAY SO. I was thinking abt Jason fucking you raw for the first time and he's all dizzy and giddy when he puts it in and he has to like pause for a sec because if he moves he's 99% sure he's gonna cum and like YEAH. i need this man BADLY. anyways...

-💌

This came out more cracky than I intended

"Fuck, Jason. Move."

"Can't."

"What the fuck do you mean you can't? If you don’t hurry up and fuck me-'

'I mean if I move I'm gonna cum."

"You haven't even been inside me for a full minute."

"Shut up. You feel so good. Can't help it. Gimme a minute."

"Jason," you whine, "please."

[freakygirlie]

Merlin: I have magic

Arthur: This is going to ruin the tour

Merlin: ???

Arthur: The world tour

[crybabycunt]

(Yelena has shoved her against a wall)

Kate: Smash.

Yelena: I... I am about to kill you.

Kate: ... smash.

[raayllum]

"It's sad this this ship is stuck. I mean look at it. This ship is going nowhere. Think about when this ship first became a thing, people were so excited about this ship. It was probably some people's favourite ship. They probably dreamed and imagined this ship would go amazing places. [Lightning strike] Exactly. It's not moving at all. I mean you can sit here and draw pictures of this ship, but does that change anything? The Frozen Ship. So sad."

[whumperofworlds]

"Can I help you, Whumpee?"

*holds up a drink* "This is poison, Whumper! Please drink it!"

"...My, this is certainly an honest assassination attempt, Whumpee..."

[muffinlance]

Read "Suki, Alone". Liked it in general. But can they please, please hire someone who knows both the show's actual events and how to follow through on a character arc? Because guys. Guys. That comic is not implying about Suki what they meant it to be implying, and all because of literally one line.

So like. From a writer's standpoint:

What they meant to do: show Suki as a community-oriented person who cares for her people, and believes in everyone succeeding together.

As opposed to (spoilers): the thief girl they set her up in contrast with, who's pretty upfront and consistent on primarily looking out for herself. She betrays Suki for one (1) corn chip to improve her own life at the prison, no surprise.

But the problem is: they give Suki an inspirational line to the effect of "we're all working together and we'll all break out together"

You know

The thing she does not do in the show

So if both the show and this comic are canon, then instead of setting up a compare/contrast with the thief girl, they've just set up a comparison. One were Suki is arguably worse, because she's been leading a significant number of prisoners on with her "we'll all fight and win our freedom together!" business, only to straight up cut them out of the escape loop and abandon them, whereas the thief is only leading Suki on in the sense that Suki keeps telling her what it's morally correct to think and confuses snide replies with agreement

My dudes. My fellow writers. You people actually being paid for this. There were so many ways to fix those awful implications against our girl's character, the simplest of which would be to not include that line. Or they could have, you know, made it canon compliant with what actually happens in the show, so that this comic doesn't set Suki up as a betrayer instead of a community builder. Like... just send all her good prison buddies off to other prisons in the wake of the warden finding out they're colluding. Have it timed to be right before the next new prisoners arrive, thus setting it immediately before the Boiling Rock episodes, so Suki didn't have anyone left in the prison she'd want to take with her on a breakout. For bonus points, include a page or two of her and her Kyoshi warriors opening up the cell of one of her prison friends post-war, thus implying she's tracking down and actually fulfilling her promises. Maybe even show her doing the same with thief girl, who was established as being imprisoned on false charges anyway, and also showing that Suki is A) the bigger person, and B) willing to acknowledge her own role in mistakes (because I cannot emphasize enough how much thief girl was not hiding her own priorities, and it was Suki who approached HER with all this, not the girl ever doing anything special to weasel her way in) (this would also open up an opportunity for paralleling Suki's earlier in-comic mistake of not listening to one of her friend's very valid thoughts and feeling, which lead to the girl leaving their island alone pre-canon; a "seeing people as they are, not what you want them to be" moment)

Anyway yeah enjoyable enough for a quick read but another one for the "this can't be canon or the characters are So Much Worse than they were in the actual show" pile

At least Aang didn't promise to murder anyone in this one

[un-pearable]

on the topic of samurai lloyd….. it’s time to bring back my personal favorite goofy s1 au. samurai y: in which lloyd figures out nyas identity first and blackmails (according to lloyd)/is so adorable he convinces (according to nya) her to make him another, smaller mech. it’s green bc that’s the color of poisooooonnnnnnnnn >:D

[fanaticsnail]

"Can You Buy Me Supplies?"

Masterlist Here

Crack Dialogue

Summary: How the OP characters react to you asking them to purchase you sanitary items for your menstruation period. One sentence dialogue.

Robin, Franky, Chopper, Zoro, Sanji, Luffy, Nami, Usopp, Brook, Kid, Killer, Law, Mihawk, Crocodile, Buggy, Shanks, Beckman, Doflamingo, Corazon.

Notes: this goes out to my afab!readers who experience menstruation. Little HC on how I think they'd react to your request. Enjoy!

Apprehensive Tag List: @sordidmusings @feral-artistry @i-am-vita @since-im-already-here @writingmysanity @gingernut1314 @mfreedomstuff @carrotsunshine @vespidphoenix

Reaching for your Den-Den Mushi shell, you punch the buttons on the back of the receiver to relay your request.

You: "Hey, would you mind if you could get some things for me while you're out? I've just started my period, and I'm out of supplies."

Robin: "Already did, love. I'll also purchase some comfort foods for Sanji to cook for you to get you through it. We'll be back soon!"

Franky: "Super! Absolutely, I can! Did you want anything else while I'm out?"

Chopper: "Sure! I'm also getting flavoured pain relief for you, sugar makes it go down easier. And a bubble boba-tea. You want milky or fruity?"

Zoro: "Didn't you get your period last month? Didn't we get enough of the stuff last time?"

Sanji: "I have prepared soup, a heated blanket, a special sitting space to read by yourself, and I'll pick you up whatever you need. Let me take care of you, my sweet."

Luffy: "Supplies for a period? Like meat? Like a meat period? A period where we're only eating meat?"

Nami: "Hey, we're in sync! I am keen on a night in. Wanna share snacks, books and be in our pajamas for the rest of the day when we get back?"

Usopp: "I think I can do that? It's not intimidating, and I'm not scared at all. But just in case you think I am, would you mind telling me exactly what you need so I don't get it wrong?"

Brook: "Yoo ho ho ho hoo. Absolutely I will."

Eustass Kid: "What size pussy ya got?"

Killer: "Do you want one of each of the sizes? Is there a preference to what type you want? Gotta help me out a bit, here."

Law: "Did you check my office steel cupboard? I've got the back ups in there. Are they the right size, or do you have a preference for a different style? Actually, while you're there, would you mind telling me if we're out of gauze strips and bandages? Do we have enough pain relief?"

Mihawk: "Check the drawer beneath the sink in your ensuite. I resupplied last week in preparation for your upcoming cycle. I also bought wine and dark chocolate. They're in the kitchen if you need them."

Sir Crocodile: "I'll send for some for you. While we wait: would you prefer if I embrace you to give you some body heat for comfort, or leave you alone to grit through the pain?"

Buggy: "Fuck yes, not preggo! Yesssss! Okay, I'm heading out. You want the usual, or do you want me to get you a different style? You know, shake it up for a change? Wanna try one of them cups that keep it all up in there? Hah, would a party popper work?"

Shanks: does not pick up the shell, and shows up the following week as if nothing happened. Beckman, however, sends you a care package with usual supplies with an apology on behalf of his captain's lack of care.

Beckman: "Just the usual, or do you want a weighted heating sack too? I can also pick you up some new pajamas and comfortable socks from the tailor beside the store. Tell me what you need."

Doflamingo: "No. Suffer."

Corazon: does not speak and taps the speaker end of the shell in alphabetised code "You. Want. Tampons. Or. Pads. ?. Can. Also. Get. Pain. Relief. Medication. .. What. Do. You. Need. ?. Do. You. Want. Chocolate. Or. Red. Meat. ?."

[limblesstar]

some more of my fav durge quotes

[morganaconda]

[eternalera]

15 crack dialog prompts

this is basically just some crack dialog shit i came up with, enjoy it or dont idrc man :p

~ "Y'know if you could stand to be less of a whore we wouldn't be in this situation!" ~ "The fames gotten to your head" "Oh trust me, I know" ~ "Whats up bitches I'm back!" ~ "You don't get to slut shame me goddamit" ~ "For the record, this isn't going on the record... right?" ~ "Y'know what, no, you don't get an opinion in this" ~ "I left for five minutes, goddamit" ~ "Does anyone know whats going on- no not you, I don't like you" ~ "YOU BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE WITH A TOASTER. IT WASNT EVEN PLUGGED IN" ~ "I would ask what happened but I really don't care" ~ "YOU DONT GET AN OPINION" ~ "This isn't legal is it" ~ "I hope you stub your toe" ~ "This NEVER happened" ~ "My hearings fine, I just don't listen to you"

[sunfier]

larys took the milk of the poppy from aegon and told him to raw dog his excruciating burns because it builds character. amazing