#crack dialogue

[ghostly-wisteria-tea]

616 Marc: Khonshu, I know your listening. Make yourself useful and get me to sleep.

616 Khonshu: ... (proceeds to do just that)

-----

616 Marc: Khonshu, I know your listening. Make yourself useful and get me to sleep.

my AU-MCU Khonshu, somehow linked and taken the place of 616 Khonshu:...Where is your bed?

Marc: Wha...(Suddenly stands up)

Khonshu: Your bed. Humans sleep on surfaces that don't give them backpain. So where is your bed.

Marc:...your, your actually listening?

Khonshu: Of course I'm listening. Your the one who called me, so where is your sleeping quarters. And your sleep wear? Your out of duty now so you should at least take off the suit. It's unhygienic to wear battle armor to sleep.

Marc: Hygiene?... Since do when you care about that?! You know what? Just get me to sleep.

Khonshu: ...I'm in jail not some instant sleeping pill Spector. At least change to something more comfortable than a suit the worm wears.

Marc: Worm? You wear this suit!

Khonshu: I'm talking about Steven Grant. And take off that mask. Unless you want me to do it for you but I'm in jail right now.

Marc: It's your fault you are in jail in the first place, so get me to sleep right now!

Khonshu: Oh, You want me to help you go to sleep? Get a proper bed first! And change to something that won't give you a rash in the morning! How long have you been wearing that mask? For the love of Mut, take it off when you sleep! It's battle armor not sleepwear. I got send away for 5 minutes and suddenly you don't know how to change your clothes? Your 40 not 4 years old. Learn! To! bath! You call yourself my priest but don't practice hygiene?! All priest are required to practice basic hygiene you idiot! If you don't take a haircut right now, I am going to break out of Asgard myself just to give you a fucking bath with the strongest soap in the cosmos can find. Consequences be damned! And get a glass of milk while you're at it! Maybe even learn some meditate if you cannot sleep, because I can't with your constant whining!

Marc: ...You wouldn't dare. Khonshu: (super pissed right now.)

--- A creaking noise from above was Marc's only warning when a fully assembled Ikea bed crashed through the ceiling and lands loudly next to Marc, who jumps back in surprise and just stares at the bed as it caused dust to scatter in the air, before settling down.---

Khonshu: Here's your fucking bed you overgrown toddler. Now get some fucking sleep!

Marc: Whe...where did you get that from? (Points at the bed in disbelief)

Khonshu: I'm a god you dick. The sheets are 100% Egyptian cotton and scented with lavender that can help promote sleep. You will lay down on that right now and close your eyes, or I will drop something even bigger than a bed. Like my actual fist to knock you out, I'll even bring my Asgardian cell with me. And these chains are very, very heavy.

---

Marc just stares at the new bed in disbelief, and shock. When he called on Khonshu, he didn't expect the god to actually answer back. But he is more surprised at the tone, Khonshu sounded pissed. The voice and reverb are the same, but something is different. Very different.

Now he has a new functioning bed in his empty room, and a hole in the ceiling.

Marc didn't want to touch the bed, thinking that it might be a delusion. He didn't eat dinner, or lunch, or anything for that day so it might be a hallucination from the hunger. But the sound feels real, the room shook like something actually crashed through it. He can even smell a faint whiff of lavender, just like what Khonshu said.

The bed looks way to real to not be a hallucination, and Marc remembers Khonshu's threat.

Marc already knew that Khonshu is real, the whole Avengers saw the god. And even though he sent the god to jail, the idea that Khonshu will try to break out just because Marc won't sleep on a proper bed is too ridiculous to believe.

Not as ridiculous as having a bed literally crash through the ceiling and get nagged at by the god Marc punched in the face.

The man is just too tired and sleep-deprived to care right now. Carefully he sat down on the bed's mattress. Which is way softer than he expected, but also firm in a way that it won't swallow your butt.

Now fully convinced that the bed is real, he lifted his legs and laid down facing up. Looking through the hole in the ceiling and saw the hole extends all the way to the building roof, showing a small view of the night sky.

And of course, Marc can see the small round disk of the full moon. It looks faint though, not as bright as he remembers. Like it isn't fully formed yet and just a shadow of what it is.

Yet looking at it, he can feel his eyelids feel grow heavy whether he wants to or not. He took in the lavender scented sheets until his mind finally fell into silence as mental and physical exhaustion took its toll on him.

[somerandomcockroach]

The first part of the fic "Mistakes on mistakes until" in a nutshell

[sweetiebabielovie]

eddie joins

2k, daddy kink, praise kink, subspace, aftercare

“You like that, pretty girl?” Eddie whispers in your ear. With your position in his lap, he pulls back your knees even further against his. “You like it when your daddy fucks you like that?”

You can only whimper in response.

“She loves it, dontcha baby?” Steve grunts from above you. “Always takes my cock so well.”

It was too much. It was everywhere and everything all at once. And it was amazing.

“Pinch her nipples, Eddie.” Steve tells the boy holding you as sweat drips down his brow. “Her pretty tits get so sensitive.” His own pretty noises have you clenching around him, unable to control how your body reacts to him.

“These sensitive?” Eddie��s tone is almost condescending as his hands leave your knees in favor of your nipples, he pinches them roughly between his forefingers and thumbs. “He’s right though, prettiest tits I’ve ever seen. You should see ‘em from here, big boy. They jiggle every time you thrust. Pity I can’t reach down and bite them.”

Steve’s vocal, you’re plenty used to it. But Eddie? Eddie rambles. And it’s intoxicating.

“Daddy,” You whine. For what? You’re not entirely sure.

“Such a whiny little girl,” Steve pouts at you, “You want more?”

“Uh huh,” You nod, eyes squeezed shut. “More, more, please.”

“What d’you want, hun? Tell me. Use your words.” Steve pants. He’s got one hand on your knee and the other against the back of the couch you’re sitting on. “Be a good girl and use your words f’me.”

“My clit.” You beg. “Please, daddy.”

“Munson,” Steve looks at him, “Spank her clit for me, will ya?”

“Oh,” You hear the smirk painting his face, you don’t need to see it to know it’s there. “Slut likes it rough.”

You pout and furrow your brows. “No.” You shake your head against Eddie’s chest.

“Not a slut,” Steve speaks for you between thrusts, pretty eyes looking into yours reassuringly. “She’s a good girl. Isn’t that right?”

“Good girl, good girl.” You mumble as you nod. “Your good girl.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby.” Eddie says as he kisses your temple, trying to rectify his mistake. “I’m sorry, you’re not a slut. You’re the best girl, I’m sorry.”

“Iss’okay.” You gasp. “You didn’t mean to, daddy. It’s okay.”

Eddie isn’t sure if he misheard you or if you misspoke, but the moniker makes his cock jump nonetheless.

“You want me to slap your clit, baby?” He asks, returning to Steve’s command. “Want me to make it hurt so good while daddy fucks you?”

“Yesyesyesyes. Please!”

“What was I thinking? Of course you’re a good girl, you use your manners so well.” His right hand leaves your nipple to reach downwards while his left hand stays put. “Didn’t know you two were into this kinda thing.”

“Don’t fuckin’ underestimate me, pretty boy.” Steve chuckles. He pulls back only slightly to stabilize himself as he brings the hand on the couch to your face. He strokes your cheeks so lovingly as he speaks. “You close, sweet girl?” You nod vehemently in response. “Eddie, I thought I told you to do something.”

“Your daddy’s a bossy pants, babygirl.” Eddie whispers in your ear conspiratorially. “Sir, yes sir.”

The hand that was unhurriedly circling your clit pulls away and comes back quickly, smacking your clit lightly. You let out a surprised ‘Oh’ at the hit.

“Come on, Munson.” Steve scoffs. “Our girl can handle much more than that. Harder.”

Another harsher hit comes down on your clit and your whole body jumps. “Oh!”

“You like that?” Eddie smiles, his surprise easily melting into excitement. “You want some more?”

“More.” You confirm. “Faster. Please.”

“Fuckin’ love it when you say please.” Steve growls as he thrusts into you faster. “Oh fuck. Eddie, please. Gonna cum.”

Eddie’s harsh swats at your clit grow faster and faster along with your and Steve’s moans.

“Daddy! Daddy gonna cum!” You squeal at the stimulation. “Please, please can I cum?”

“Just a bit longer, honey.”

You damn near cry at the refusal, but you’re a good girl and you always listen to your daddy.

“Come on, Steve. You won’t make the pretty girl wait, will you? You’ve been fucking her so good, she can’t help it.”

“So good, daddy. Always so good.” You nod along with Eddie.

“How much do you like it, sweet thing? How much do you like Steve’s big cock in your pussy, stretching you so wide?” Eddie’s goading Steve and you know it. But the way he pants at his words shows just how much he’s loving it. “It’s a miracle it even fits, it’s so big. You love daddy’s big cock filling you up?”

“Love it so much. Want him in me all the-all the time. Can never get enough.”

“Fuck!” Steve grunts as he spills himself inside of you. But he doesn’t stop his assault on your pussy, knowing you aren’t far behind him. “Fuck, fuck. Oh god. Come on, sweet girl. Come on, cum for me.”

“Come on, pretty girl.” Eddie moans, the scene in front of him almost too hot to handle. His hand smacks your clit even faster as you approach that precipice. “Cum for daddy.”

You tumble over the edge with a scream you barely recognize as your own.

It’s almost instant, the way you float away. Your eyes glaze over and you go limp in Eddie’s lap as the warmth of your post orgasmic haze washes over you.

“Oh, my sweet girl.” Steve murmurs as he gathers you into his arms, his soft cock slowly slipping out of your bullied hole. You unknowingly groan at the loss of him. “I know, I know. It’s okay.”

“Felt so good, daddy. Was so good, thank you.” You babble as your boyfriend dotes on you.

“It’s Steve, baby. Not daddy right now. Just Steve.”

“Steve.” You nod, nuzzling into his cheek. “My Stevie.”

“Yeah, baby. Your Stevie.” Steve smiles, completely lovesick. “Lay back, hun.”

Eddie watches in awe as Steve lays you down on the opposite end of the couch, his actions oh so loving. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. His own need for aftercare makes him feel alienated. It’s his first time doing this with the two of you and he no longer knows his place in the equation. Should he leave now? Was this it? How awkward would it be if he started getting dressed-

“Eds,” Steve calls to him softly, breaking the ugly cycle of his thoughts. “Lick her clean for me?” He asks as he spreads your legs in Eddie’s line of sight.

“Really?” Eddie asks, both in surprise and exhilaration. Your pussy is a leaking mess in front of him and he can’t take his eyes off of it. Eddie’s cum from his previous round mixes with Steve’s and your juices and it paints a glorious picture. “It won’t be too much for her?”

“Just a bit.” Steve nods as he smooths out the hair stuck to your forehead. “But it brings her back. Be gentle, though. Kitten licks.”

Eddie lays down on his stomach between your legs and kisses your inner thighs as he settles in. He slowly inches towards your aching center. “Such a pretty pussy.” He whispers, placing a soft kiss to your puffy clit.

“The prettiest.” Steve agrees, he gathers Eddie’s hair out of the way for him and squeezes his shoulder gently. “I’ll be right back.”

Eddie languidly kisses and licks your folds, gathering all the evidence of the night on his tongue. He makes sure to be gentle, just like Steve said. He knows you’ve come back when your hands tangle in his hair. You gently tug him up by his roots and he obliges to the wordless command, crawling up into your embrace.

“Hey, pretty girl.” He smiles at you softly and positively glows when you smile back. “Feel good?” You nod and close your eyes, content. “Did so good, pretty. So good.”

“Thank you.” You peck his lips and he hums in gratitude. “You took care of me so well. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He grins, knowing that you caught onto the pun. “‘M sorry, by the way. For what I said.”

“No, Eddie.” You frown at him. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. I promise, it’s fine.”

“Okay,” He smiles softly and kisses you again, deeper this time. “I did good?”

“So good.” You nod at him, hands still tangled in his luscious locks. “Always knew you had a way with words, but damn.”

“Yeah?” He smiles pridefully.

“Mhm,” You hum and nod your approval. “Steve never finishes so quick.”

“He’s so easy to read.” He giggles.

“Tell me about it.” You laugh. “He gets this little furrow between his brows right here.” You thumb at the spot you’re referencing on Eddie’s forehead. Between the brows but a bit closer to the left one. ���That’s when you know he’s close.”

“Stop exposing all my secrets.” Steve groans as he walks back into the living room. His arms are full of water bottles and a rogue pack of lemon biscuits he must have found in the back of the pantry. A towel wet with warm water hangs against his forearm like a butler in a fancy restaurant. “Gotta stay hydrated.”

“Thank you, Stevie.” You smile as you and Eddie sit up, your arms out in want of a water bottle. Steve hands you one and Eddie the other, placing his own and the biscuits on the coffee table.

“Lean back, baby.” Steve instructs Eddie, whose eyes stay on you as you guzzle your water.

“He means you, Eds.” You giggle as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, reaching over for the biscuits.

Eddie’s eyes grow wide as he looks at Steve, who only nods at him and gently pushes his shoulders back. Steve gets down on the floor and situates himself between Eddie’s knees.

He gently drags the warm towel over Eddie’s still semi-hard cock and down along his balls. “Want me to take care of you?” Steve asks, eyes all round and sincere.

“No, that’s okay.” Eddie shakes his head. “Twice is more than enough for one night, three times would be greedy.”

“No such thing.” You shake your head as you dust off your hands from the biscuit you stuffed into your mouth, coming over to drape yourself against Eddie’s side. “You did so well for us today, Eddie baby. If you want one more, we won’t say no.”

“Yeah, promise.” Steve nods as he cleans up his own cum from Eddie’s stomach.

“No, no, I’m serious. I’m not shy, I’d tell you.” He shakes his head. “It’s too sensitive right now. Besides, he’ll go down in a couple minutes.”

“Alright, if you say so.” Steve sighs, shuffling on his knees to come in front of you. “You too, sweet girl. Lean back, let me assess the damage.”

“Always so nice to me, Stevie.” You smile as you listen to his instructions. “Almost like you love me or something.”

“Yeah,” Steve huffs in amusement, “Almost.” He drags the other side of the towel against your inner thighs, the rough fabric getting cooler by the second. He cleans up what Eddie didn’t get and then some. “All done.” He pats your thigh and gets up, grabbing your hand to pull you up with him. “Go to the bathroom, then meet in my room, yeah?”

“Okay.” You nod happily, pecking Steve on the cheek and Eddie on the head as you happily strut off.

“Come on, let’s go.” Steve grabs Eddie’s hand this time and drags him upstairs to the bedroom. It happens so fast, Eddie barely has the time to think himself back into that spiral.

By the time the boys are settled in bed, curled up around each other, both in a pair of Steve’s boxers, you’re back.

“Oh,” You pause as you take in their outfits. “I wanna be matching, too.” You decide, and turn to rummage in Steve’s drawers. The boy in question only chuckles at your antics. You quickly shuffle into a pair of blue plaid ones to complement Steve’s choice of red and Eddie’s choice of black before climbing into the bed, making a place for yourself between them.

You curl into Eddie and nuzzle your face into his neck, Steve quick to follow and sandwich you between the two of them, his arm thrown out across your waist and onto Eddie’s to pull him closer.

Eddie doesn’t know what tomorrow will bring, but right now, he can’t bring himself to care.

[whump-bunny]

Whumper dialogue, but it's me trying to find my keys in my purse:

"Please don't make this difficult."

"I'm going to find you, so you might as well come out."

"Why do you always do this!?"

"Where are they... WHERE ARE THEY!?"

"There you are. And to think you were right under my nose this whole time."

"If this happens again, I'm buying a chain."

[archivistsammy]

samwena crack ⌁ 5/?

[rynli]

just wanted to let you know i do possess a brain. btw.

[morganaconda]

[fcthots]

OKAY SO. I was thinking abt Jason fucking you raw for the first time and he's all dizzy and giddy when he puts it in and he has to like pause for a sec because if he moves he's 99% sure he's gonna cum and like YEAH. i need this man BADLY. anyways...

-💌

This came out more cracky than I intended

"Fuck, Jason. Move."

"Can't."

"What the fuck do you mean you can't? If you don’t hurry up and fuck me-'

'I mean if I move I'm gonna cum."

"You haven't even been inside me for a full minute."

"Shut up. You feel so good. Can't help it. Gimme a minute."

"Jason," you whine, "please."

[ryllen]

sHUT uP GuYS THEy AR e SO CUTEEee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[screwpinecaprice]

Alternate timeline where she didn't meet Steven. I may be exaggerating lmao

Yapping under the cut because I'm waiting on a line rn

Okey, so. Entertaining the thought: An introverted feral kid and a girl who gets a sort of high off adrenaline; but was taught to be polite and proper. You know, all that perfect girl stuff. We would also consider how her empathy level is questionable, based on how she just casually suggested cutting off his arm when it got stuck. (Still not sure if immediately being excited seeing swords is just amazement or 'OOH How convenient!') So perhaps she would learn to understand empathy in a practical (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for) way rather than in an emotional way.

Thankfully she was coaxed out of her shell and she had outlet early on. Also, to have genuinely learned friendship power! 😊

But what if she never got that outlet. 🤔 I mean, she could have gotten out of her shell in a different way. But, like. Imagine if she had to bottle it up all these years. It could go south or she'll be able to manage it because it ain't as bad. Just fun to think about the former.

She would be like: This thing I'm reading is SO morbidly interesting! I wonder what it feels like in a personal level though? Could I do it? Could I do it better now that I have the knowledge of foresight? But what if I still mess up? I can't have a negative record! And the curiosity and the adrenaline just mixes up together. Lol

Haha I'm not really seriously headcanoning that is exactly what's gonna happen. I mean at least not to an intense extent. It's so fun to think about.

[theshadowrealmitself]

Harry: I heard a weird rumor today that some scientists will actually catfish other scientists to figure out what they’re going to present at those competitions you like to go to so they can come up with something better

Peter:

Harry: …You’re not catfishing anyone, are you?

Peter: *guilty silence*

Harry: Who?? Please god, not my dad

Peter: You really think I’d catfish your dad?

Harry: Well, who else goes to those competitions, Dr Doom?

Peter:

Harry: You’re catfishing Dr Doom??? Is it even working?? What is he even looking for on the internet??

Peter: It’s working, but only cause he thinks I’m Reed who’s catfishing him and he’s trying to flip it on me

Harry: How does that even- nvm, I don’t wanna be involved in this when it eventually blows up in your face

[evildoctorkisser]

Annoyingly sympathetic whumpee prompts 🙏

> “I’m so glad you’ve found a way to deal with your violent tendencies!” in response to being told they’re here for torture

> grabbing whumper’s hand before they hit them, “wait. How about we talk about what I did to make you angry first?”

> “ngh… h..how… did that make you feel….?” after being hit over the head by Whumper

> Whumpee making Whumper one of those home made stress balls

> Whumpee half-smiling at Whumper after a particularly bad beating, telling them they’ll have to work on more healthy coping mechanisms

> “use your words, not your whi— ACK!!”

[freakygirlie]

Merlin: I have magic

Arthur: This is going to ruin the tour

Merlin: ???

Arthur: The world tour

[crybabycunt]

(Yelena has shoved her against a wall)

Kate: Smash.

Yelena: I... I am about to kill you.

Kate: ... smash.

[daily-regretevator-doodles]

Floor 152: Infected Apartment

makes them play punch a baby in public 6

[sparklingdemon]

i know sorrow's quote was in referral to blue but i feel like it could also be applied to leaf/green herself and abandon lonliness: i am's new ending from a meta standpoint if you think abt it hard enough……….

i mean. did we not see OP try to rewrite history in order to prevent the tragedy of lonliness and leaf rotting in hell? do we dare to forget - to erase what she did to lonliness? can she be forgiven now that it never happened in the first place...?