#covid got to me again
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the current state of my health has been slowing me down lately, hence i’ll try my best to post the prologues for each series by the end of feb instead before i take a month hiatus from here🤍
#ruby’s announcement#a month hiatus bc of the fasting month#i’ll also try to give as many content as possible#covid got to me again </3#sorry for the changes of schedule🙏🏻
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Dude
DUDE
my cousin who is ALSO sick just tested positive for COVID ...is2g if what I have is COVID too....
#ive had covid 3 times now i refuse to get it a 4th time 🫠🫠🫠#the first time i was isolating but one of my sisters went on a date and her bf passed it to her and then she passed it to me#the second time was during last year new years' where one guy had COVID and didn't tell anyone else and we all got it#and the third time was last year during my cousin's wedding where everyone in attendance caught it#yeah i had covid twice in one year it was the bane of my existence lmao#last year sucked dude#i cant have covid again like come on#COME ON#I REFUSE#miry's yapping
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I very much enjoy booping, but tumblr is running like ass today and I'm already low on spoons so I'm not returning boops as well as I'd like :(
#I'm not sure if it's because I didn't sleep well last night or something else#last night was my first night in like 3 months I've been off of my sleep meds#my doctor's trying something that's safer for long-term use but my insurance is taking#its sweet time approving the new stuff and I can't get a refill on my old stuff unless the new stuff doesn't work XD;;;;#I'm impressed I actually made it out of bed before noon today tbh#I'm not sure if I just got really lucky of if I actually fixed my sleep schedule this time#I tried once before 2yrs ago and it kind of worked but then I got covid and everything went to hell so I didn't try again#then a few months ago I got sucked into relying on my meds because I have addictive tendencies and it's REALLY nice being able to sleep#regularly after a lifetime of bad sleep#I really hope last night wasn't a fluke because I'd love to not be reliant on meds to sleep#like I slept terribly compared to on the meds but normally the rebound insomnia from coming off is like 10x's worse than last night#like I normally just don't sleep for a day after going off the meds#but I got like 4-5hrs during the night and actually woke up in the morning. That's HUGE for me unmedicated#I'm very tired#emmy ramblings
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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#gonna ramble about irl here so people don't have to read it unless they want to#so because I got covid and couldn’t leave my bed I've essentially lost my job#I've told my manager I'm okay to go back to work#even if my body is still sore#but she's only given me a 3 hour shift a week#and you guessed it!#it's the late shift#the one where it takes me almost 2 hours to get home from#she's being so petty with me#and I am so behind in rent#I've applied for government assistance and I have a meeting with them tomorrow#I really hope they can help because I feel awful#I'm also annoyed at myself because I can't find my knee brace ANYWHERE#I thought I could find one for around $10 but nope!#the closest stores selling them are like $25+ so that's fun#I don't know when I'll be able to draw again#I'm so stressed again about money and secueing work#hopefully once I can get govt assistance at least I can enjoy life again#also I tried to ask the zine that still owes me money if they could finally send payment but they still keep delaying it with excuses#I'm so desperate it's shameful
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you're back!! it's been so long!! I missed you <3 <3
ahhhh I missed you too!! Life has been insistent on grinding me to a paste but we perservere
#life has been so so so hard <3#i've never fully recovered from long covid so an average workday was leaving me absolutely drained#and on top of that i had an incident where i was trying to look into a prior auth for a patient#the kid was trans and cried on the phone because he was afraid his insurance wouldn't cover his testosterone now that trump had won#his doctor was at her wit's end because she had been assured on three separate occasions that the authorization was all set#so since it was literally a dead day at work anyway i spent about half an hour playing phone tag with the insurance#trying to find out what their mcfucking issue was#only to eventually be told they wouldn't speak to a representative from the pharmacy about it and that the prescriber had to make the call#so i did let the prescriber know and found a goodrx coupon that made the price like $20#patient was thrilled and very grateful for the effort#(this was like. the day before christmas and his last chance to get his medicine before he had to travel.)#pharmacist however immediately jumped my shit when i hung up for ''wasting time''#despite the fact that there was??? literally no other work to do???#we had three other techs on and i was keeping up with the data entry as things came in while i was on the phone.#tried to defuse the situation by apologizing but she was literally top-of-her-lungs screaming at me#in front of my coworkers and the like 2 customers nearby. so loud that one person could hear her clearly from the bathroom#had worked with this woman for 5+ years and she was the reason i went to this particular pharmacy in the first place#left and texted my boss what happened and told her that this gets fixed or i'm out. had a meeting with the store manager and everything#told them i would have a conversation with her to see if we could move past this. and she refused to speak to me#so i quit and my bestie quit in solidarity and we have been job hunting except that we both also got sick as FUCK the next day#like vomiting shaking massive headache unable to function sick#his fever was like 104.7 at one point? it was ungood#i'm finally about 85% better and back on the job hunt but like. yeah#thought i had something lined up that would free me from the shackles of customer service but unfortunately the guy changed his mind#and the one pharmacy interview i had they wanted to pay me $10/hr 💀 homie that's a $9/hr pay decrease#so yeah life is a prison etc etc BUT not having a full time job anymore DOES mean#that i have the time and energy to tungl again without all the chronic exhaustion#silver linings!!!
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how I announce a positive COVID test to my household:
#red said#HEY FRIENDS BAD NEWS. it's a COVID!!!!#over the last 2 years the chat has been named#plague house#unplague house#replague house#un-replague house#re-replague house#un-re-replague house#and now this#that's Aimee's COVID then me and Sam then Aimee again now me again#we name it unplague celebratorily whenever we're done quarantining#this may seem like a lot of cases of COVID but in fairness#a) 3 of them occurred during the period where Aimee was working at the test centre. although i don't think that's what caused me and Sam's#cause my colleague in the borders went down the same time as me a few days after we met up down there#so i think we both got it at that cafe#and also b) 2 of them happened after people largely stopped testing regularly so all I'm saying is.#i don't think we've had it more than most but i do think between the 3 of us we've stayed pretty good at testing#and we keep track in the chat cause we quarantine separately and thus far have never dealt with a situation where all of us have COVID
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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If i had a nickel for every time my irresponsible brother and his friends brought actually kinda serious illnesses upon me i'd have three nickels which isn't a lot but the court could bring this post up if they're looking for a motive
#i haven't gotten sick since OCTOBER#i get home thinking okay i'll deal with my annoying ass folks bc i can go out with my besties and go swimming etc etc#fuck it i'll get my period and lose out on approx. 3-4 days of the beach but it's fine right#oh i got a cold!!! bc my brother and his crowd again don't care if one of them is sick and still go out in questionable places#with questionable people!!! fine i'll have to take another 3-4 day break from hanging out and the beach#and then my mother gives me a test bc i developed a fever and i'm getting worse instead of better#and i have covid. which last time took me a week to get over.#my head hurts like hell too. and i still have to study. ^_^#i got covid from him twice and mono once. probably bc you can only get mono once in your life anyway#i got the KISS DISEASE without even being kissed.#whatever. the mono was a blessing in disguise anyway bc i was young enough that i had it like a slightly worse cold#but still. but STILL
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i smell a new special interest coming on
#which could only be the work of…FAIRIESSSS!!!#hard to believe that i cared less abt fop as a kid but now im starting to get into it#i believe i tagged a variation of the aforementioned tag on that peri reblog#tldr: i casually watched fop then; i like it now#even longer didn’t read: fop is my latest special interest#im staying tuned on nick for every new episode of a new wish#butch hartman sucks#fairly odder sucks#fuck butch hartman#but his content is good !#i have the entirety of a new wish (as of now) recorded on my dvr#this may be the next magic school bus#im serious Nothing can replace msb atp#tho im glad its dying down ! cause msb got a bit too much for me#cant believe i liked That to the point where i mod its wiki#and bought nearly all the vhs’s and dvds on ebay during covid#and watched the reboot and its third season (including the long lost goldstealer episode)#msbra season 3 and fop season 8 are a lot alike#cause they both consist of specials#i did note this in the trivia on tmsbra season 3’s wiki page#the release of a new wish is paralleling how excited i was for the magic school bus rides again back in 7th grade
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tonights tunessss⚖️🌘🫀📚
#need to get used to nights in again esp with this covid anxiety🤕 im not getting got#anyway all the bday playlist I got had me sooo giddy🥹 they were lovely im obsessed<3#mine#mp
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managed to grind through the last 6 pink horrors in one sitting tonight 😪 ready to be based and join the other 14 from earlier in the year
#both a lil sad and a huge relief to be finished with that squad#done with batch painting again for a lil bit#(at least until i start to make a dent in the many many 'nids i have lying around)#i wanna get to at least one of my 'mechs before the end of the month cus its colours'll line up with pride if i can get it to work >:3#absolutely wiped out tho so i'll probably be in my fatigue hole for a few more days (got an updated covid shot that wrecked me for a bit)
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considering like 80% of the conversations i have with my dad are about all the concerts i go to and all the ones he went to when he was younger i’m kind of shocked it’s taken this long for us to go to one together
#he took my older sister to her first concert bc she was 12 and i will never stop whining about it bc it was one direction with 5sos#so my DAD has seen one direction live and i never got to </3#but anyway i didn’t get to go to my first concert until i was 15 and then i didn’t go to any for almost 2 years bc of covid#so by the time i started going to a lot i just would always go with my friends or by myself bc why would i bring my dad to like… sabrina…#he tends to like most of the bands i listen to when i play their music for him but idk we’ve just never considered going together#BUT the one thing we’ve talked about since i was like 12 is how if and when ac/dc does a north american tour again we have to go#bc they’re my favorite classic rock band ever and my dad is a dad so of course he loves them#and then like a week after we’d been talking about this again the rolling stones announced a tour#and it was right around thanksgiving so i was like wait tickets for this would be the perfect christmas present#and now here we are and it still hasn’t fully hit me that i’m seeing the fucking rolling stones live#like that’s bucket list shit#lj.txt
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i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3
#seriously a blessing in my burnout recovery#i think i had 2 burnouts really#1st when i was 12 i burnt out academically#and fell into other hyperfixations like homestuck and anime#n cartoons also socially burnt after my friends got annoyed w myhyperfixes but got close w my husband which helped/distracted from burnout#then i did again injjjjunior year i would say#i was burnt out creatively and socially and i hated band for the first time and i met my first AP class that i couldnt just coast through#because we had to do checked notes and DAMN im grateful for that teacher!!!!!!!!!!!#genuinely led to me learning how to take notes on text when i never had to before#but i literally cried. because spent HOURSSS the first few times trying to do my notes before a classmate told me theres a website that#summarized the book#which helped a lot#but it was the first time since suspecting i have Something other than depression/anxiety that i was SURE i had adhd#it kinda just clicked so i got on a nonstimulant that helped a bit but had shitty physical symptoms that got worse as i got older#i was on it forrrr like 2 or 3 years before i stopped taking it#but i also got on a 504 which gave me deadline flexibility which like#great yknow finishing out junior and senior year medicated woo#but senior year last semester i had terrible senioritis lol#which i now realize was that 2nd burnout#and literally from march 2020 to the end 2022 i barely talked to anyone or engaged on any level with most people other than smoking weed#and being a therapist#and my beautiful wonderful husband ofc but we kinda enabled each other lmao#but yknow that gap of time when my locale cared about covid and stuff was just not going on i really recovered#i didnt draw much or do much hobbywise#i did probably too much weed and not too much but Quite a Damn Lot of acid#(which.. idk who follows me now... but acid isnt a evil scary drug it is not physically harmful and wholly dependent on mindset)#and i worked a lot#but... i quit my job at the end of 2022. which kinda directly correlates with me reconnecting with my friend group#and reconnecting with them... i decided to go back to college#re realized the path for my passion for psychology lies in academia and i LIKE that
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i found a tattoo artist i really love who is so close to my apartment... Should i finally get a tattoo ??!? 😳
#i was going to get one years ago but it was right before covid and i just never got around to it again...#literallyso many people tell me that they are surprised i dont have tattoos. Me too#they are expensive <3 also im a baby
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getting my driving licence tomorrow.. 😐
#for the record when i say i got it so I'd have it later i mean my licence. i did not want nor get a car ->#i feel really bad for my car coz brother i am never ever gonna drive you sorry. devil's machine#literally living in a city with one of the best public transports in the entire world and my parents expect me to drive...#i got it so I'd have it but like broooo im not gonna drive anywhere i fucking hate driving😭😭😭#also fun fact getting a licence in hungary is literally harder than getting into heaven as a rich person like holy fucking shit#I've been going through the process for well over two years now. my god#you need 4 different exams and many many many hours of studying and practice#which is good in that i know most ppl who drive trained really hard to do it#but bad because boy they don't act like it<3 also bp traffic is fucking nuts. JUST TAKE THE BUS#or the metro. or the trolley bus. or the tram. or the hév. or the train. or the fucking . boat#no the boats stopped running during covid and they still haven't started again which makes me so sad. bring them back...#barking
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