#counselor san | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

svintsnghostsrecs · 1 year ago

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my heart. 🥹 i love me some sannie angst but this one, it soothed my morning today. 😭 i am in hysterics and sobbing, omg 🥹

cruel summer | choi san

pairing: choi san x fem!reader, yungi

genre: friends to lovers au; summer camp au; college au

synopsis: choi san has been a counselor for the “summer academy” summer camp for as long as you have. this is your last year at camp and you feel like you can’t hide your feelings for him any longer. what will happen when summer ends?

warnings: fluff, d r a m a, angsty at times, suggestive & smutty, like two swear words

word count: 7k

author’s note: this was supposed to come out in time for san’s birthday but unfortunately exams and my writer’s block teamed up to delay this. so, happy belated birthday to our san and i hope you enjoy! (this was is also my first attempt ever at smut pls don’t be too harsh in your judgement thanxx)

playlist: cruel summer - taylor swift, liability - lorde, our last summer - abba

masterlist | navi

It was quiet in your room, the only sound the one of you furiously rummaging through drawers and pacing around hurriedly. The air was becoming a little stuffy, making your shirt stick a little due to perspiration and feel hot all over.

“Will you pack faster?!”

The booming voice coming from down the hall set all of your nerve endings on fire, only adding fuel to the burning frustration you were feeling. You inhaled deeply, willing yourself to calm down.

“Do you want me to smack you with my suitcase?!” you yelled back through the open door of your room.

Song Mingi could be a pain in the ass when he wanted to, just like right now, but you loved him nonetheless. After all, this was your idea.

You still didn’t know what had possessed you as a freshman in college to sign up for three hot summer months of pure torture inflicted to you by rowdy teenagers, but the pay had seemed good enough. You swore it would only be for one summer, and yet here you were four years later, about to graduate college and onto your last year as summer camp counselor.

“The guys are going to be here any second, hurry the fuck up!” you barely saw him as Mingi zoomed down the hallway sat on top of his suitcase, drawing a short chuckle out of you despite the nerves.

Of course, you had dragged Mingi along and, although very much reluctant at first, you know he loved it just as much as you did.

When the doorbell rang, you knew your time had run out.

“Fuck it” you murmured as you zipped the suitcase shut, awfully certain that you were forgetting something, but definitely over trying to stuff any more clothes in.

Finally, you made your way downstairs, huffing when you realized Mingi hadn’t even bothered waiting for you and had also left you on locking up duty. With a groan, you checked that lights and the like were all turned off, and then locked the door.

“Finally!” a groan escaped your best friend, waiting along with his boyfriend Yunho and his roommate for you. “It’s not like she took an hour” Yunho scolded him with a playful eyeroll. You sent a grateful look his way, struggling down the last steps of your apartment complex.

Wooyoung made his way over, taking your suitcase with a “let me help you with that” and somehow stuffing it in the trunk with the other three.

Yunho was quick to get into the car after several other complaints from Mingi, “I’m not hearing Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s bitching for a fourth consecutive year” he mumbled as he got in and put his seatbelt on. Everyone laughed, prompting Yunho to start the car.

You four had a reputation for getting to the camp late every year – started when the first summer you had gotten lost, choosing to scream along to your Britney Spears playlist rather than listening to the GPS’ directions – and every year you had to put up with the two camp’s counselor’s leaders exemplary lecture in front of all the other counselors.

It had been embarrassing when the situation repeated itself the year after – due to the engine breaking down this time – and last year too (because you got up late, you’ll admit).

Mingi was taking zero chances this year, he threw you out of bed at dawn, pressed you every five minutes to see if you were done packing and called Yunho about twelve times to make sure he got out of the house early to avoid traffic.

You were exactly one minute late according to his schedule, but you doubted it counted much (he still rubbed it in your faces until you got to the camp).

Other than that, the car ride was as chaotic as every year: Yunho and Mingi striking up an old married couple style argument every chance they got, you and Wooyoung yelling songs in the back seats and reminding Yunho the directions every so often to avoid another Summer One Incident.

Everything was fine and dandy, you got to the camp in time and half the other counselors, Hongjoong and Seonghwa included, clapped and whooped as your car approached.

Then, just as you set the last t-shirt down in the closet of the bungalow you and Mingi shared, he materialized at the door.

“Hi, sweetheart”

Choi San was leaning against the frame of the door, dashing as ever in his bright yellow “Summer Academy” summer camp t-shirt and sporting his signature dimpled smile. This year, his hair was blond and longer than what you remembered.

You smiled too, hoping he hadn’t caught you staring, and felt his arms welcoming you in a big hug in a matter of seconds.

“I missed you” he murmured in the crook of your neck, his breath tingling just a little. You sighed.

“Me too” he let out a deep chuckle at your response, instantly lighting your heart up.

This was going to be a long summer – again.

When you first met him, you spent a grand total of four hours dealing with eleven-year-olds and their explosive science projects. By the end of the workshop, you were covered in several layers of baking soda, red food coloring, dish soap and vinegar. He had gotten out almost unscathed, just a few soda stains on his shirt.

You remembered feeling embarrassed, all the more so when he flashed you those kind and amused eyes. Unlike you first thought though, he didn’t make fun of you, but just laughed good-naturedly and helped you get baking soda out of your hair.

Since that moment, you were assigned the science workshop every week for the rest of summer, and, since “you guys work so well together!”, Hongjoong insisted, any other activity that included hyper-active pre-teens was assigned to you.

Hongjoong was right though, you and San did work well together. You just fit with one another.

So much so that it had you wonder, more than you liked to admit, if you were friends, good friends or something more. It had you lose sleep at night, especially in the three months you were here, questioning if you two could work in the real world.

Questioning if your mind was running wild or if he, too, could feel the spark every time your hands brushed, or could feel your heart miss a beat whenever he pulled you closer. If he noticed your red cheeks when his gaze would linger a moment too long. If he too lost time imagining you outside days made of papier-mache volcanos and swimming contests in the lake.

“I swear to god it wasn’t on purpose!” San was running away from you with all his might, trying to escape your fury. He had taken the initiative to organize today’s activity for your group without you and landed on water fights.

No doubt it was game over for him when you got to the meeting point, seeing a smirking San with and equally smug Wooyoung by his side. Your perplexed face must’ve spoken for you, because a hesitant Mingi made his way over to explain.

“They thought of getting your group together with ours to organize a water fight tournament…” he explained quickly, instantly making you turn your head to San.

The young man just shrugged, handing over a water gun, giving you and Mingi barely enough time to start running before Wooyoung whistled to start the games.

“You’re so done, Choi San!” you had chased him all the way down to the little pier and held him captive between your water gun and the lake. “I said I didn’t mean to” he laughed, trying to keep a straight face.

“Next time ask me if I feel like getting soaked at nine in the morning, then” ever so serious, you stepped closer, spraying him in the face before pushing him in the water. Too bad he held onto your hand and dragged you with him.

When you both came up for air, you found your faces to be mere inches away, breathing the same air. Quickly, his hand made its way around your waist, pulling you closer. The simple touch sent sparks up your spine.

“Sorry” he winked, so close, making you wish you could just kiss that smirk away. But then, much like now-

“Y/N!” Mingi halted in his steps, noticing the predicament at hand. Then he smirked. “Sorry to interrupt your catch-up time, lovebirds, but Seonghwa wants us in the main cabin for the meeting” San let go of you, not looking bothered in the least by Mingi’s comment – unlike you.

“Everyone’s almost there!” your best friend hollered as he jogged down the steps and to the path.

San just chuckled at his antics, drawing a smile from you as he let you out the door first. “We’d better hurry” he mumbled, walking down the steps after you. “We don’t want mama Hwa to get mad, do we?” you answered.

And you thanked your lucky stars he was too busy laughing to notice the look you gave him.

This was going to be a long summer indeed.

Week Two

“It’s not the same without you” you jumped on the spot, almost messing up the little sun you were drawing on the cardboard.

“What isn’t?” you recognized San’s voice before you even saw him and turned around to greet him with a small pout, indicator that you were a little upset he almost made you ruin the sign you were making.

“Science club!” he huffed, sitting down next to you, and immediately picking up a paint brush. You stared a little, observing how he started helping out without you needing to ask. “This year, I swear to god, it’s like the kids are high on sugar. I can’t keep them focused on their projects and Yeosang is no help at all” he sighed, seemingly happy with how his side of the sign turned out, then looked at you.

“I need you”

Without a care in the world, and a cute little pout on his lips, he nearly sent you into cardiac arrest with those three words. Although your heart was about to burst from your chest, and you felt yourself growing impossibly hot in the cheeks, you shrugged it off.

“I’m sure Yeosang isn’t that bad” you murmured, a tight smile on your lips as you resumed your painting.

“He’s straight up terrified of them!” he broke out in giggles, explaining today’s mishap, which included Yeosang being chased by a twelve-year-old holding a can of worms and a lot of yelling. You laughed along with him, lost in his recounting of the events.

Truth was, you’d asked Hongjoong to keep you off the science club with San for a while. You couldn’t risk having pre-teens giggling like idiots and whispering about you and him like all the other summers. Sure, it was kind of cute having them ask if San was a good boyfriend, or if he was a great kisser, even saying that you two were adorable together, but by the end of summer you were completely and utterly torn apart by the questions.

Stupid? Possibly, but very much painful.

Especially because there was no way he hadn’t noticed how much it affected you when he leaned into it. When he made no effort to make them believe otherwise, like you did. When he called you love just to shoot you a wink right after and subtly pointing to wide-eyed, shocked girls. What he didn’t know, was how you felt like your heart had been chewed and spit right out every single time.

You needed a little to ease into it rather than launching yourself headfirst. You’d take your time and try to protect your hopeless heart.

“I’m sure Yeosang will get used to their antics” you shrugged once he finished his recounting.

“Well, I miss you and I don’t care if I have to beg Hongjoong, I want you back”

“San, it’s only been, like… what? Two weeks?” you rolled your eyes, used to by now to not read too much into his words and his dramatics.

“Two weeks and three days” he pointed out crossing his arms, barely missing his face with the blue paint-stained brush. “I can’t do it without you, Yeosang is completely useless-”

“Y/N!” you were saved by Lila – a lovey twelve-year-old who had been coming to the summer camp ever since you’d started working there – rushing towards you and San. She stopped in front of you two, breathless, making you share a confused look.

“Lila, are you okay? Did something happen?” you asked, a little worried.

“You two broke up!” she sounded completely outraged, shocked and heartbroken as she pointed her finger between you and San, making your eyes grow wider than a baseball.

Apparently, what you didn’t take into account when creating your master plan, was the rumors of the complete opposite scenario spreading.

Her words left you effectively speechless, fortunately for you though, San seemed to have the situation under control – as always.

“Who said that, sweetie?” he asked, seeming genuinely concerned about the issue. Lila then proceeded to launch herself in a recount of all the signs the whole camp, it seemed, picked up over the last two weeks and a half. Namely your absence from the science club. You rolled your eyes again when San turned towards you with a smug grin.

“Lila, could you leave us for a second?” your voice sounded clipped despite your best efforts, and with one last reassuring nod from San that everything was alright, the girl went.

Not even waiting for him to stand up, you upped and marched towards the little pier overlooking the lake. You couldn’t believe it took so little for your plan, and nerves, to go up in flames.

“Did she say something?” you scoffed when you heard his voice, turning around to see him walk up to you with a little amused smile. The both of you stayed quiet, you wanted to say so much, but had no idea how to, and San seemed to be lost in thought. When he sat down, you let your head rest against his shoulder.

“I’ll talk to Hongjoong about the science club” you muttered defeatedly, not really believing the words leaving your mouth. It appeared you were doomed either way.

San just nodded, leaning his head on top of yours.

Later that evening, you talked to Hongjoong – who seemed overjoyed to put you back on the workshop – and gave Mingi the first melodramatic, San-centric speech of the summer.

In your little shared bungalow, he laid sprawled out on his bed, watching you pace around the room and flaunting your arms about while complaining over the same things he’d been hearing for three summers now.

Only the noise of the cicadas coming in from the window, along with a cool evening breeze, accompanied your spiel. Mingi, though, listened intently as always.

“Y/N, you have to rip the band aid off” he finally said, watching as you flopped down on your bed. “Just tell him, you’ll probably never see him again after this summer” “Yeah…” the thought did little to console you, the idea of him becoming a stranger didn’t sit well with you. It was even worse to think about confessing and being rejected, thus ruining your whole summer. So, convincing yourself that you’d wait until the end of camp to break your own heart, you finally settled into bed, wishing Mingi a good night.

The Water Park Trip

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you”

“Seriously, it’s no big deal” you repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

Yeosang wouldn’t leave you alone after finding out he was no longer on science club duty and was currently following you around the cafeteria. You’d never seen him smile this big at six thirty in the morning. You’d probably never see it again.

Despite assuring him multiple times that it was okay, you didn’t miss Mingi’s glance once he sat down at the counselors’ table. You already knew what he was going to say once he’d get the chance to speak to you alone. Finally, just when San made his was into the cafeteria, you met Yunho’s sympathetic eyes. You smiled curtly; not sure you were happy to be subject of sympathy so early on in the summer.

It seemed that almost everyone knew, or noticed at least, how San stringing you along for three months a year was slowly affecting you more and more every time. You tried not to show it, but it was hard when with just a glance he seemed to undo all the work you put into moving on, discarding this as merely a summer flirt.

Every August, you told yourself you’d get over it and then, every June, you found yourself back at square one.

“Petition to cancel water park trips, breathe to sign up” Wooyoung, barely awake, plopped down in his seat next to you, eliciting a giggle for you.

“Maybe if you didn’t go to bed so late last night…” San teased, sitting down in front of him. Wooyoung just flipped him off while gulping down an entire cup of coffee. “No slander at six thirty in the morning, thank you”

Everyone amusedly smiled at the interaction, and you heard Yeosang mumbling something along the lines of “you just woke up an hour earlier than usual” with a roll of his eyes, which of course was not well received by the accused.

“Everyone, listen up a second please!” Hongjoong stood up from his seat, listing off today’s counselor duties before the wake-up call for the campers – which didn’t differ much from the usual morning routine – and then proceeding to remind everyone of the approaching midsummer celebrations.

You let his words wash over you, no doubt you could ask Mingi about the specifics later and focused instead on strengthening your will in order to spend an entire day with San – again.

Usually, counselors were paired up during out of camp trips to do rounds and check up on their assigned group. It was just your luck that San had signed you up to be his partner.

The bus was a little stuffy and seriously noisy. You and San, along with Wooyoung and Yeosang, were assigned the younger campers today, which altogether entailed loud yelling to keep everyone in check and being even louder than them to catch their attention.

Yeosang quickly did roll call, and with no one missing, the drive to the water park started. Unfortunately for you, and every other adult present, the kids were requesting songs left and right. Even worse, San had conceded to play Kidz Bop to satisfy all requests.

“Do you think you could drive any faster?” Wooyoung pleaded the driver for what felt like the millionth time. “No can do, son” came the answer, again. Your friend unceremoniously crashed down on his seat, groaning, and sending a death glare to San. You feared he was going to bite off someone’s head sooner rather than later.

Only when you got to the water park the mood improved, although Wooyoung still looked like he’d been through hell and back – in a sense, the four of you had.

San casually slid his hand into yours, intently listening to Seonghwa and Hongjoong reminding everyone to be careful, where to find counselors and to never wander off alone, and to “remember that every group has assigned counselors that will be attached to your hips, so don’t even think about doing anything stupid!”

With one last glare to everyone present, Hongjoong let everybody go and the groups broke off with the counselors. Kids were begging you left and right to start from at least ten different slides and attractions, worsening the mild headache that two hours of Kidz Bop had started.

Lucky for you, Wooyoung wasn’t having any of it.

“Alright, listen up!” his voice held a frustrated edge to it that shut everyone right up. “Line up, tell Yeosang one by one, without yelling, which slides you want to do and then we can start the day” the small crowd of eight- to eleven-year-olds looked a little scared and complied immediately.

You and San snickered quietly as you watched the kids line up in front of Yeosang, who quickly whipped out his phone and started writing. Sharing a look, you knew today would run smoothly thanks to Wooyoung’s snappiness.

It was just a little over two hours after lunch and it had been difficult to manage impetuous eight-year-olds; even more so when San spent all morning teasing you left and right, sneaking little touches here and there. He set your skin aflame with every single one of them, and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Yeosang, let me go with you” immediately, when the group asked to be split up so they could do different slides, you jumped at the opportunity to spend at least the afternoon away from San.

You collected the kids who wanted to do water slides, feeling San’s gaze burn a hole in your head as you walked away with Yeosang. The more you walked, the lighter you felt.

“Dude!” Wooyoung exclaimed, nudging San. “Could you be any more obvious?” thankfully for him, you were already out of earshot. San glared at his friend; a silent threat that suggested him being drowned in the kid’s pool. “Apparently not…” he murmured once his friend was already marching to the wave pool with half the group.

San watched until you disappeared from his line of sight, sighing as he hurried behind the last kid.

“If he kills me today, I’m blaming you” you were monitoring kids in the pool – which ones were going up to do slides and if they came down – when Yeosang spoke, making you whip your head towards him.

“What? Who?” he raised a brow at your comment, barely believing that he had to spell it out for you. “San” he deadpanned and gave you a look that scoured every corner of your soul. You shuddered, looking back at the pool.

“Why?” you shrugged.

“He likes you, dumbass” he nudged your shoulder with his. “Surely, you know”

You tsked, ready to launch yourself into another detailed recount of how you strongly believed San couldn’t like you back: he made zero moves in the span of three summers to indicate so, although you texted pretty often you ever rarely saw each other outside of camp, he just couldn’t-

“You’re so blind” Yeosang scoffed again, not letting you carry on your nonsense speech. “Have you ever done one of those things?” the question was left hanging in the hot summer air, echoing in your head unanswered for the rest of the day.

It stayed so, and puzzled you even further, when you reunited with the other two counselors at the meeting spot. Now more than ever, San’s presence confused you; even when he threw you in the pool just before leaving the water park, and everything seemed normal.

“Choi San, I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“It’s payback for last year, remember?” he grinned from his spot on the edge of the pool. And how could you forget the way he’d pulled you closer in the water, making you shiver all over, so close you almost kissed him?

On the ride back to camp, he never let go of your hand, urging you to sit beside him again. With your head on his shoulder and his thumb drawing shapes on the back of your hand, you hoped you could come back from all this at the end of summer.

The gentle motion on your skin and exhausted conversation in the back, lulled you to sleep.

San, unbeknownst to you, watched you carefully for the rest of the ride with such tenderness in his eyes, shushing everyone who talked too loudly, and earning goofy grins from Wooyoung and Yeosang each time.

He insisted on taking you back to your bungalow without waking you up and couldn’t help himself when he pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead after laying you down in bed. San lingered a second longer before walking back to his bungalow with a storm raging in his heart.

That evening, when Mingi woke you up just before dinner, you sat up in your bed confused as to how you got there.

“San carried you here when we got back” your best friend said, recognizing the puzzled look on your face. He gave you a little smile, saying he’d wait for you outside before walking to the dining hall.

When you got there, as if your eyes had a mind of their own, searched for San. The moment you found him in the crowd, he was already looking at you, and shot you a dimpled smile.

Willing your heart to calm down, you smiled back before choosing to sit as far away from him as possible. With just one look, Mingi followed you and gestured Yunho to come over.

If you wanted to make it to the end of summer, you needed to stay away from Choi San.

Midsummer

“Dance with me?” his hand entered your line of sight in the warm light of the fire.

It was midsummer, and with the help of the campers you organized an all-day celebration. It had been tiring, but gratifying. Now, you sat alone on a log of wood in front of the fireplace, drowning in San’s hoodie – which he insisted you wear when he saw you shivering two hours ago – and listening to the song faintly playing in the background as you watched kids awkwardly slow dance or chat.

You could never deny the softness in his eyes, so you stood up nodding and holding his hand. You didn’t care anymore about the sighs and giggles going around when he spun you and landed his arms on your waist.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a while, his eyes never allowing yours to escape their hold. Simply nodding, you hoped he would drop the subject. You didn’t think you could lie to him while he was looking at you like that.

San’s eyes were intently set on yours still, sending shivers running all throughout your body, scaring you into believing he could learn all of your deepest secrets in a matter of seconds. Yet, they were so warm and inviting, you couldn’t look away.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” he asked, swaying you gently. “Whatever it is”

“I don’t think I can” his gaze was so intense that when you spoke, your voice trembled a little. A gust of wind blew by, sending a strand of your hair flying into your eyes. San softly brought it back to your ear, his fingers leaving goosebumps in their wake.

His hand lingered for a second too long on your cheek, and a moment later it was gone, back on your waist.

Still dizzy, you barely caught the look flashing in his eyes.

“Is something bothering you? Don’t shut me out, please” all you resolution almost crumbled at the sad, pleading tilt in his voice. At last, you couldn’t bear to look at him in the eyes anymore and hid your face in his chest.

All you could hear was the gentle beating of his heart, surrounded by his scent and engulfed in his arms. The way he rested his chin on top of your head, broke your heart a little.

If you only knew.

“Don’t worry about it” you murmured in his chest, feeling his arms hold you closer. Thankfully, he spared you of any other questions for the rest of the night. He even kept quiet when he walked you back to your bungalow.

But San couldn’t resist placing a feathery kiss on your cheek before leaving you for the night.

The way your heart hurt that night, as you helplessly tossed in bed, was a new kind of ache you were yet to experience. In pain for something that wasn’t even there, a longing for something within your reach but that you couldn’t quite grasp.

And if San had noticed your misty eyes with every twirl he made you do that night, he’d been kind enough not to mention. But he’d never know about the silent tears you shed into your pillow.

After that night, you only spent time with him if necessary; you avoided him out of workshops, was in his presence only if someone else was there, and basically attached yourself to Mingi’s hip – unfortunately, becoming an almost ever present third wheel.

The End of Summer

“Y/N, I don’t think you can go on like this” Yunho voiced a thought that had been marinating in his head for quite a while now.

The three of you had been preparing the activities for the last day of camp all morning, and Mingi and Yunho had been sneakily dancing around the subject for a few hours now.

“I don’t think it’s healthy for either of you” he continued, mapping out the treasure hunt. You head shot up, looking at him with wide eyes. “Both of you look like your cats died, you have for weeks now”

It was quiet for a moment, Mingi looked like he wanted to stand up for you but held his tongue. Yunho had a point. You didn’t care about anything anymore; you didn’t know how to behave in San’s presence.

Truth was, you needed a breather, even if it made you miserable – more than usual, that is. And you were also sick and tired of feeling like that. For fuck’s sake, it was just a crush, so why oh why did it have to have such an impact on you?

You groaned, letting your head bang against the table and stay there. You weren’t ignorant to how the wall you built between the two of you affected you just as much as it did San, but at one point it got too much. Being in his vicinity exasperated you and had your nerves on edge.

Just when you raised your head, ready to explain yourself, San barged in as if on cue. You exchanged a wide-eyed look with Mingi and Yunho, begging them with your eyes not to leave the room.

“I need to talk to Y/N” his voice sounded serious; he still hadn’t looked at you. “Alone” he took a step into the cabin, immediately your best friend and his boyfriend got up. As they walked by you, they murmured quiet sorrys with apologetic eyes.

It was only you two now, closed in the small cabin after weeks of only sharing two hours a day in each other’s company at science club.

You stayed put in your place, avoiding his gaze, the air thick with tension. San walked around the table, leaning on it, and stood beside you.

“Why are you avoiding me?” his voice allowed no room for contradiction, he knew you had been escaping his presence with all your might. Still, you answered “I’m not” earning an incredulous scoff.

San leaned down, now at your eye level. You wanted to cower at the intensity of his gaze, so devoid of its usual warmth. Now it just looked like a storm, pulling you in.

“You have” he asserted, placing a finger under your chin, and turning your face towards him. “Why?”

You couldn’t lie to him, not when he was looking at you like that. Still, you did.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you raised an eyebrow, feeling like your heart would beat out of your chest any second now.

It felt like a switch flipped inside of San’s brain, though he stayed quiet, observing your face with an unusual hunger in his eyes – one that made warmth pool in your stomach. This was most definitely uncharted territory in your relationship.

“Stop lying” he inched closer, making your breath hitch. “And tell me why” you swore you stopped breathing for a second when his eyes fell to your lips for just a moment, making you think of doing the unthinkable.

“No” you whispered, voice challenging, lips mere millimeters away from his.

“Fine, then” he whispered back.

You didn’t know who kissed who first, all you knew was that kissing him felt like breathing again. San was kissing you desperately, like a parched man downing a glass of water, like words failed the need he had to say what he craved to.

His lips on yours electrified you, feeling like too much and not enough at the same time. Your fingers found their home in his soft blond strands, gripping them to pull him impossibly closer. San let out a small grunt at the action, pulling you up with him, only to sit you back down on the table.

He gravitated closer to you automatically, not leaving you time to fully grasp what was going on, mind dizzy from his kisses. Slotting in between your legs gracefully, he was back on you in mere seconds.

“San…” this was a horrible idea, exactly the opposite of all that you’d been trying to do all summer, but he didn’t leave you time to speak another word. He was kissing you again, tongue tracing your lips before carefully sneaking inside your mouth.

You never thought you could need someone this much, it hurt to be away from him, and you were so overwhelmed by having him like this that you couldn’t even decide if this was going to hurt more than keeping him away.

As his lips trailed down your neck, and your fingers tangled in his hair once more, you decided that you didn’t care – not now.

When he bit your lip, you knew you were done for. San’s hand was dangerously sneaking closer and closer to where you needed him most, a whispered “please” left your mouth. And who was him to deny you like that?

“Why are you avoiding me?” with every word he left a kiss, when he cupped your heat, a breathy moan left your mouth. “I haven’t, I’m not-” you could barely speak as he made quick work of your shorts, sneaking his hand in your panties right after. “N-not avoiding you” you murmured, head lost in the clouds more and more with every flick of his fingers.

“Then I’m going to have to break you” he whispered, looking into your eyes, his words went straight to your core and elicited a moan from you.

San stayed true to his word; every touch of his set you aflame, every movement brought you higher and higher. You weren’t thinking about the consequences of all this – you weren’t thinking at all. Lost in fiery kisses and breathless whispers, tangled up together, you let him have his way.

Only when you both came down, breaths mingling together and foreheads touching, you realized the scale of what just happened. Only when you felt him slip away, your heart sunk to your stomach and an echoing chant of idiot, idiot, idiot resonated in your head.

“Y/N, please, tell me what I’ve done wrong” he felt a million miles away now, although he barely moved, and his voice sounded as frail as glass, defeated and broken. Right then, tears started to sting in your eyes; you’d done it, you’d broken your heart and his too. You’d ruined it.

“Y/N? San?” A sudden set of knocks made you both spring into action, furthering your distance, hurrying to look presentable. “Are you still in there? We have to run tomorrow’s activities by Hongjoong, and we need the papers” it was Mingi talking, giving you the perfect out.

“Yeah, I’ll bring them out!” you yelled back, gathering all your projects at the speed of light, not daring to look back at San and speeding out of there in seconds.

The door slammed shut behind you, echoing the sound of your breaking hearts.

Needless to say, you felt miserable for the remainder of the night. You didn’t even venture to dinner, Mingi had to bring you something to eat after and hear the ultimate San-centric monologue of the century – which also involved long minutes of self-loathing, tears and banging your head against the wall.

“When I said that you needed to talk about it, I didn’t mean have sex and go back to avoiding each other”

So, the words Yunho uttered to you first thing in the morning, as he set his tray down on the cable, came as no surprise to you. The last day of camp started off just right – thankfully, no one was in earshot.

“Hey, I didn’t spill the beans just for you to rub it in her face” Mingi said, shocked. “Well, you woke me up at the break of dawn to tell me, so…” Yunho bit back, taking a bite out of his muffin.

Your amusement at the interaction was short lived; he was right, and now you definitely didn’t know how to face San. After all, it was all your fault.

The day went by uneventfully, between activities you were able to distract yourself enough to forget about your aching heart. Though you felt a pang of guilt whenever you caught San walking by, especially when your eyes met. You could read it in his that he was dying to talk to you, but for now, you were glad you both were busy.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise when, that evening at the closing bonfire, he dragged you away.

Far from the commotion, and shielded by the trees lining the lake’s coast, no excuse could hold. You felt it in the way his pleading eyes begged you to say something, anything, after he spoke.

“Is it something I did?” San was keeping his distance this time, a few steps away from you. “If I did something I need to know, because it’s been eating me alive, Y/N”

How could you tell him that this was all you? How could you make him understand that you were so hopelessly in love with him that you needed to cut this chase before it hurt you more?

“You didn’t do anything wrong, San, but I just…”

“Then what is it?” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in defeat. “You’ve been distant all summer, I thought… I thought we-”

“We what, San?” you couldn’t help a little anger from slipping out in with your words, clearly taking him by surprise. You sighed, resisting the urge to walk away.

“Well, I don’t know, Y/N! Why don’t you tell me?” frustration was dripping from his every word. “I just don’t understand how we went from being okay to you spending all your time with everyone but me. Then yesterday happened and I thought things could finally go back to normal, but you go and you avoid me like the fucking plague!”

“I love you!” you finally exploded, barely letting him finish and throwing your hands in the air, willing your voice to hold on a little longer before inevitably cracking. “I love you, okay? And I don’t know what to do with myself anymore because every summer it only gets worse” biting back the tears and ignoring how his shocked face looked in the dim light, you continued.

“Because every year for three months I get to live in an unruled heaven, free falling until the end of August comes and it all comes crashing down before my eyes. Then, realization hits and I have to pick myself back up for the next eight months because how could I be so stupid to believe that you could ever feel for me what I do for you?” finally, a tear rolled down your face, but you made no move to dry it.

“I love you” you shrugged, a defeated smile on your face “Isn’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

His silence made its way to your heart, filling the cracks in it and breaking it from the inside out. The more San stood, quiet, looking for an answer to give you, the less you wanted to be in his presence.

The heartbreak and shame were starting to hit you so hard you felt like you couldn’t breathe. A foot after the other, you turned around, ready to walk away again and start mending the broken pieces of your heart – this time once and for all.

“Y/N” your name, falling from his lips, hurt. But it made you stop anyway, though you didn’t have the strength to turn around. “Look at me, please”

After just a second, the time to barely compose yourself, you did, and found him closer to you than before.

“How could you possibly think that I’m not in love with you?” your heart stopped for a second, eyes widening just the littlest bit. “I’ve been ever since I heard you laugh that day, when we almost made the science room explode while cleaning up”

San smiled, the familiar warmth of his eyes making you a breathless mess.

“I don’t think I could ever get you out of my head even if I tried and believe me I did” with another step he closed the distance between you two, one hand going to cup your face, his thumb gently caressing your skin.

“I never made a move because I was scared you were going to realize you just wanted us for the summer, and I didn’t want to lose you” you only hoped your eyes were shining with utter adoration like his were. “Not then, not now, not ever”

The gust of wind that blew past, did little to cool down the fire inside you. You feared that not even the shadows you were hiding in, just enough to barely hear the commotion of the end of summer party, were going to shield you from his gaze.

“Be mine?” he whispered, his breath softly grazing your lips.

“I always was” you muttered before kissing him like you always wanted to, like you only imagined you ever could, feeling lighter than you ever did.

#🕷️ — i want my own camp counselor san #🕷️ — i want it right now #🕷️ — 😭😭#🕷️: fave fics #🕷️: favorite fics #🕷️: comfort fics ☀️

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