#couldn’t not make a rainbow edit now could I

[jonathansthickthighs]

My Sweetest Heart 4: Yandere! Fushiguro Toji x Reader

Description: You have a one night stand with Toji and now he won’t leave you alone.

Part 1 here

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

Part 5 here

Trigger Warnings: nsfw, yandere, obsessive behavior, female reader, AFAB reader, toxic behavior, threats, jealousy, possessive behavior, desperate toji, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it up), daddy kink, alternative universe (no curses), age gap (reader is in her early 20’s, toji is in his mid 30’s), soft toji, toji has feelings, slight sub toji?

A/N: part five will the last one of this mini series. enjoy! :)

Not edited!

You sat by the window, as a deluge of thoughts flooded your mind. Absently, your fingers traced the delicate contours of the pearl necklace gifted to you by your boyfriend the evening before.

You had been dating for two months now and you couldn’t deny this was the pinnacle of emotional fulfillment you had ever experienced with a man. He treated you like no other, he was so soft and gentle with you, you never imagined a man being this good to you. His gestures of affection unfailingly making you swoon, gifting you flowers weekly, getting you whichever snacks you were craving, taking you new places, even buying expensive gifts like the one you had around your neck. You weren’t aware he could even afford such artifacts, ignorant to the fact that bounty hunters were so well off.

It had been a great couple of months, but you had to admit to yourself that you were terrified. You were scared of how things might turn out in the future. The subject of marriage and children has arisen in discussion with Toji several times, leaving you unsure of where you stood on your own desires. You hadn’t known each other long enough and up until now, your relationship may be all flowers and rainbows, but that didn’t guarantee your expectations would still be met in the future. After all, only two months have passed since you met Toji.

You weren’t against marriage at your age, but children, on the other hand, were a touchy subject to you. You wanted to enjoy your 20s to their fullest and you were aware that a child, while being a blessing, would also intake an enormous sense of responsibility that you weren’t ready for at this age. Toji had quite a few years on you and his desire for a family was evident. He had expressed his desire to having children before turning forty, leaving you around four more years to enjoy your stress free, youthful life.

You were broken out of your mental battle when you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist from behind.

“You’ve been lost in thought an awful lot today, sweetheart. You’re not thinking about leaving me are you?” Toji joked as he nuzzled his face into your sensitive neck, eliciting a cascade of giggles from your lips.

“Of course not, Toji. I’d be a fool to throw away a cock like yours.” You quipped back, pivoting to encircle your arm around his shoulders in a tender embrace.

“Oh, so you’re just using me for my body? I’m hurt, baby.” Toji chuckled, closing the space between you as he pressed his lips to yours. He moved his lips against yours vigorously, squeezing your waist against his, rutting his hardening, clothed cock against your stomach. You immediately responded, kissing him with the same enthusiasm. You ran your hands through his narrow waist down to his bottom, giving him a playful squeeze, forcing a giggle out of him.

You cracked your eyes open, peaking at the clock on the wall behind Toji. As realization dawned, your eyes widened as you noticed the time, prompting you to swiftly detangle yourself from Toji’s embrace. “Shit, babe. I promised the girls I would meet them half an hour ago. I gotta go!” You exclaimed, making Toji tense up. As you began to depart, you were stopped by his firm grip on your arm, drawing you back against his chest.

“Come on, doll. Just a quicky, you’re already late anyways.” He insisted, trying to seem nonchalant about the situation. In reality, Toji fucking detested when you went out with your friends. The thought of men approaching you, trying to flirt with you, offering to pay for your drinks made him lose his mind. Hell, the mere thought of other men looking at you was enough to drive him over the edge. His darkest thoughts were screaming to lock you up in a place were he could be the only one to look at you; the only way those thoughts dissipated was with the image of you recoiling in horror at him. The thought made his chest tighten, your hatred was something he would never be able to live with.

Despite the infrequency of your meetups with your friends, his desire to wanting you all to himself was insatiable. Never had he imagined himself yearning so fervently for a woman’s attention; it had always been the other way around, but for you, he was willing to beg on his knees for an ounce of your attention.

“As much as I want to, I’ve already ditched my friends too many times to be with you. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” You answered apologetically pressing a kiss on his cheek. Toji tried to mask his disappointment, but this time he wasn’t as good at hiding his expression.

“Please, sweetheart. I want you so bad, can’t you feel it?” Toji begged with frustration evident in his voice, grabbing your hand to place it on top of his raging bulge. He began using your hand to rub himself, grunting at the pleasurable sensations you were bringing him with just your hand. “Please…” He pleaded weakly, desperation lacing his voice.

You groaned, feeling defeated as your panties started to dampened at the sight. You were quick to attach your lips into his parted ones, tongues fighting each other as you continued teasing his cock over his sweatpants. You separated your lips from his causing him to whine at the loss of your soft lips.

Once you decided you had teased his cock enough, you tugged his waistband down, freeing his aching cock. You bit your lip as you tentatively stroked his cock in slow motions, gaining a hiss from him. Running you thumb over the reddened tip, you gathered the oozing precum, spreading it over the rest of his shaft. You wanted him, badly.

“Tell me what you want, Toji.” You whispered, peppering open mouthed kissed all over his neck. He couldn’t bring himself to respond as he started thrusting his hips into your hand. Having you jerk him off with your hands was something else, he couldn’t have done it better himself. Your hands were so much softer than his, the velvety skin of your hand wrapping around him could almost make him finish then and there. “Answer me, Toji.” You demanded, squeezing his cock enough to catch his attention.

“I n-need to f-fuck you, sweetheart.” Toji managed to utter out.

Smirking, you responded. “Then beg for it.”

Toji groaned, throwing his head back as your painfully slow stroking continued. He would never admit it, but having you be this demanding was a huge turn on to him. Believing submission was characteristic of women only, he never let himself experience anything remotely close. All his life he had been the one in control, never letting his guard down for any woman. You unveiled facets of him he never imagined existed.

“Please. I n-need to feel your pussy!” Toji beseeched impatiently and you rewarded him with a radiant smile. You released his cock from your grip, guiding him towards the bed. Pushing him on the bed, you began to undress slowly, pulling the straps from you dress down to reveal your tits to him.

You grabbed your breasts, massaging them and playing with your nipples, putting on a show for Toji. He gawked at you lustfully as he reached for his cock to stroke himself as he watched you. Playfully, you slapped his hand away. “I didn’t give you permission to do that, you pervert.” You retorted, giving him a sly smile.

Toji’s mouth was agape in disbelief, bewildered at this side of you. “I am not a pervert, sweetheart!” He exclaimed, failing to suppress his laugh.

You giggled before responding. “Oh yeah? You’re stroking your cock to this defenseless girl standing in front of you. Does that not make you a pervert?”

“Well that defenseless girl is touching herself like a slut in front of me. I’m pretty sure she wants me to jerk off to her.” He replied, starting to tug on his cock once again.

You bit your lip, enjoying the way his gaze felt on you. “I think you might be right this time.” You admitted as you decided to finish undressing for him. It was impossible for Toji to get tired of looking at your delectable body. He could easily make himself come by merely admiring your nudity.

Once all your clothes were discarded, you climbed on top of him. Settling yourself on top of his shaft, you moaned at the contact your sensitive clit made with his cock. You began grinding your heat on his cock, making him groan. You were so wet for him, you couldn’t wait any longer to have him inside you.

“You want me to ride your cock, daddy?” You suggested seductively as you continued teasing the both of you.

“Fuck. Yes, baby, please.” He nodded, eager to feel your tight, warm snatch engulf him in its delightful glory.

You wasted no time grabbing his cock, pressing him against your wet entrance before lowering yourself carefully onto him, making the two of you moan. You still weren’t accustomed to his size, so you needed some time before you could move comfortably. Continuing to lower yourself until he was fully sheathed inside your heat, you placed your hands on his chest for support. Toji grabbed the fat your ass as he threw his head back onto the bed. He was certain he would never tire of this feeling, your pussy was simply made for him.

“Pussy’s s’good, baby.” Toji slurred, relishing how tightly your cunt wrapped around him. The sight of you riding his hard cock was breathtaking. He noticed you it had gotten comfortable once you started slowly moving. You rose your hips until only his tip was remaining before lowering yourself onto him to a halt, making him grunt at the sudden piquancy he felt. After that you proceeded to ride his cock in swift, steady motions, stroking his cock with your dripping pussy. He couldn’t help himself from feeling hypnotized by your stunning form as you rode him. Your eyes squeezed shut, mouth agape as your tits bounced with each stroke. The sight was was orgasmic.

“Your cock is so deep inside me, Toji!” The sweet moans and screams leaving your lips were like music to his ears. The way you said his name turned him on to the extent he would do absolutely anything to hear it come out of your mouth.

He groaned as you worked his cock, sliding his hands up from your bum, making his way through your waist until he finally reached your breasts. He kneaded them thoroughly, making you let out a moan. You sped up your pace, the squelching noise of your thrusts meeting, filling the room. Toji leaned forward taking one of your perky nipple into his warm mouth, suckling like he was starved.

You whimpered at the stimulation you were feeling, as Toji gave your other nipple the same treatment. Continuing to jump on his cock like a madwoman, you could feel your orgasm approaching. When Toji felt your walls starting to tighten around him he grabbed a hold of your waist, holding you still before he started thrusting his generous cock into your sopping heat.

“Oh my— fuck! I’m gonna come all over your cock, Toji!” You cried out, feeling your pussy clench around his pulsing cock.

“T-that’s it, sweetheart. Use me. M-make yourself come with my cock. Let me hear you.” Toji uttered out shakily as he continued to stimulate your sensitive nipples, grunting into them. The prominent noise in the room being the sound of the slapping of your skins and your moans and pants of satisfaction.

You moaned loudly when you felt your orgasm arrive. “Yes. Yes. Yes! Toji!” With that, you let it all out, throwing your head back, your dripping pussy clenching deliciously around his cock. His thrusts didn’t seize, continuing to drill your pussy with the need to reach his own release.

He called out your name as he felt his orgasm approaching. “I’m gonna fuckin’ come, sweetheart. Are you gonna take it, baby?” Toji announced as he watched your beautiful face, you were in a daze, your eyes half lidded looking at the man that was causing you such pleasure.

“I want all of it, gimme your cum, T-Toji.” You managed to slur out, using the last of your strength to hold yourself up on his chest. That was all it took for Toji to start thrusting up into your pussy erratically, your clenching pussy making him quiver out his orgasm.

“You’re fucking mine!” Toji growled, throwing his head back as your wet cunt milked his semen out of him, sending it deep into your womb. Get fucking pregnant! His intrusive thoughts made themselves present as his thrust began getting sloppy, his legs trembling in ecstasy.

“A-ah, I love you so much, sweetheart.” Toji stuttered out as he finished releasing inside of you.

Shocked, you looked at a drowsy looking Toji. “Did you just—?”

Toji parted his lips to speak, only to close them once more. Those words escaped him unwittingly, unleashing them from the depths of his pent up emotions, before he could muster the restraint to withhold them. Internally, he was having a battle with himself, trying to make it seem like an accident. He harbored uncertainty about how you would feel about him after only knowing him for two months. He had loved you since before you even knew of his existence and these feelings kept accumulating over time inside him; he couldn’t stand it any longer, so his body reacted for him.

“I love you.” He repeated without breaking eye contact with you. The shock on your face was evident, sending a tremor of apprehension through him. He was terrified of you never loving him back, he dreaded the prospect of your affection remaining beyond his grasp forever.

“I-I love you too, Toji.” Toji’s gaze widened in surprise, his eyes dilated at the unexpected revelation from you. His heart felt like it was going to burst and his cheeks were tinted pink. The happiness he felt surpassed anything he had ever deemed attainable. His mind was on a frenzy, he finally achieved what he wanted most in life. Incredulity washed over him, this must surely be a dream. She loves me back. She loves me back. She loves me back. She loves me.

Toji couldn’t suppress the smile creeping to his face. He didn’t thinking his heart could beat any faster until he watched you smile right back at him before breaking eye contact with him. You could even look at him straight in the eye and your face had gotten an angry shade of red from the mixture of the sex and the confession. Such a shy little thing. Even after two months of knowing each other you were still shy around him. He thought it was lovely.

“You have no idea how happy you make me, sweetheart. I was scared you wouldn’t love me back.” Toji admitted, reaching out to caress your soft cheek. His cock had been inside you through all of this, so he decided to slowly pull it out, making the two of you hiss from the overstimulation.

“I do, Toji. I’m deeply in love with you.” You revealed, leaving Toji astonished and with his heart dancing chaotically in his chest. You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes, enjoying the intimate moment. You never anticipated falling in love agains so soon, yet it unfolded before you as if ordained by faith. You thought meeting Toji was destiny. Climbing off of him, you snuggled to his side.

“Alright, alright, Toji. You’ve once again, managed convinced me to stay home with you.” Home. Toji loved the sound of that. He couldn’t wait to have his own little house with you, he had been taking up extra bounties to be able to afford one. As soon as you accepted his marriage proposal, he would buy a home for just the two of you. Although he was ready to have children with you right now, he knew you weren’t keen on the idea having children at your age. Toji’s not sure if he can honor your wishes, but he would try. Unless the situation called for other means.

Toji looked smug at your comment, fully aware that if you had decided to still go out, he would try to convince you to stay any other way. “You know you love staying in with me.” Toji replied, pulling you tighter into his chest causing you to let out a giggle.

You tried to detangle yourself from him, but his grip on you impeded it.

“I need to use the restroom, stop being clingy.” You quipped with a laugh, making him loosen his grip on you. Toji felt a little hurt. Were you really joking or did you truly think he was clingy? Insecurity flooded his mind as he watched you head to the restroom.

His thoughts were interrupted by some distant vibrations. Toji sat up from the bed to see your phone vibrating in the nightstand. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the caller ID. It was one of your friends, these were the people trying to steal you from him.

“Hey.” He answered coldly, the other line was silent for a second.

“Um, Toji?” The girl asked confused at not being greeted by her best friend as per usual.

“What do you want?” Toji questioned discourteously, not caring about feigning kindness with her this time. He was going to take any means necessary to drive you away from your friends. Your friends were but vermin, unworthy of the mere touch if your presence. Not an ounce of trust did he have for them. The thought of them trying to cloud your mind with doubts about your relationship ignited an indescribable fury within him. These women were going to taint your perception of him and he would not stand for that. Not to mention, most of them were single and he hated the image of them manipulating you into acting like you are as well.

He could tell your friend was taken a back by his bluntness, bewildered by his change in charisma. Every time they had met he always appeared so courteous and seemingly genuine, she did not expect this attitude from your boyfriend. “I-It’s just— we’ve been waiting for over an hour and a half and we got worried. Is she going to make it?”

Toji chuckled darkly before lowering his voice, assuring you didn’t hear him. “Listen here, you stupid bitch. Haven’t you gotten the clue she doesn’t want to see you anymore? She’s always cancelling your little outings and making up excuses to not see you. It’s been two months since you last saw her, get a fucking grip and accept it. She’s not your friend anymore.” He spat out harshly, earning a audible gasp from your friend.

“D-did she really tell you that?” Your friend stuttered in disbelief. It was unbeknownst to her you felt this way. Were you really truly willing to cast aside all these years of friendship? She had known you for so many years, it was hard to believe you felt this way.

Toji hummed in response. “Are you fucking dumb? I’m her boyfriend, she’s obviously going to confide everything in me. I’m just doing her a favor by letting you know, so stop waisting our time and stay out of our lives.” Toji replied, a threatening tone in his voice. Should this endeavor fail, he would be forced to resort to drastic measures, but hopefully the message was unequivocally conveyed. He could hear your friend sniffle on the other line, making him smirk maliciously.

“You asshole! Tell that bitch to never talk to me again!” Your friend sobbed hysterically before hanging up, making Toji chuckle in amusement. He didn’t appreciate the name-calling, but he opted to overlook it, comforted by the knowledge that he would never have to endure her presence ever again.

Toji returned your phone to its originally resting place before reclining back into the bed, allowing the comfort of the mattress to envelop him. He pondered to himself as he heard you starting to run a shower. He bore the weight of knowing that this would impact you deeply and he despised himself for causing you pain in this manner. Yet, he remained resolute, convincing himself it was necessary for the wellbeing of your relationship. How else were you supposed to tend for him and your children if your friends were always stealing your attention?

He observed you emerge from the bathroom, reaching to grab your phone. “I should call them to tell them I’m not going to make it again.” You spoke as you started to unlock you phone. Toji placed his hand on top of your screen and you stood there taken aback.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. Your friend called while you were in the bathroom and I let them know.” Toji responded with a smile, his gaze tender and affectionate as you reciprocated his smile.

“Thanks, Toji. You’re the sweetest.” You showed your gratitude by pressing a kiss to his cheek. He couldn’t help the guilt that took over him, he knew how much your friends meant to you.

“Shall we shower together?” Toji suggested playfully —attempting to keep his mind off what he had just done— grabbing your phone from your hand and placing it back on the nightstand. His eyes ranked through your still nude form, moistening his lips with the tip of his tongue, his cock rising back to life. Yeah, your pretty little body would make him forget in no time. You bit your lip, agreeing as he closed the gap between you, bestowing upon you a fervent kiss filled with longing.

Now that you had Toji you wouldn’t need anybody else.

[dangermousie]

2024 list - cdrama edition

Yes, it's cdrama world so even though December is halfway though, they may drop 10 more dramas I will check out between now and 2025. But if I wait, this will never get done and it can always be updated, so here we go. This has been one of the best cdrama years for me!

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2024; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. As always, very subjective.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

61 My Divine Emissary - it’s actually a pretty good drama year when the worst cdrama I’ve checked out this year is merely utterly shrill and brain dead but not horrifyingly offensive to good taste.

60 Are You the One - no you are not. There are objectively worse dramas I've ranked higher but this is here because I am annoyed at the waste of Zhang Wanyi and this drama's popularity and douban rating. I am a petty bitch.

59 Fight for Love - they had wonderful actors and a great premise and utterly wasted it. There might someday be a good drama about a female general torn between a royal and an enemy general but this ain’t it.

58 Peacock in Wonderland - I am a few decades too old for this brain dead fest but I am glad Zhou Jun Wei is not canceled at least.

57 Her Fantastic Adventures - honestly, this, MDE and Revenger are all the same type of subgenre - they aren’t offensive they are just as empty as air. This also suffers from casting an utter dud as ML and a charisma boat as SML. Why?

56 Lady Revenger Returns from the Fire - the main thing I remember from this is that Miles Wei must have stolen the wig maker’s parking spot. That wig is the one that should have gone into the fire.

55 Fox Matchmaker: The Red Moon Pact - it’s so pretty, so full of gorgeous costumes and actors and I enjoyed the first few eps, but ultimately it was like watching colorful paint dry. It was so dull, I couldn’t even hate watch it, and that is more damning than anything.

54 Your Trap/Imprisoned Love - the plot of this mini made no sense but the softcore vibes of sanitized 1990s cinemax were on point!

53 The Unexpected Marriage - cutesy dumb period romcom. Could be worse, not that this is much of a praise.

52 Love’s Rebellion - so twee, so precious, so full of cutesy awful CGI and actors who aren’t bothering. I am not sure why Zhang Linghe and Jing Tian are in this mess that looks like rainbow vomited on a xianxia set.

51 My Wife’s Double Life - her life may be double but her brain is only half.

50 Jade’s Fateful Love - I lost some braincells trying this one, but (a) it’s gorgeous and (b) no transmigration say you? Multiple transmigration in first ep alone! Good for you, makers!

49 Follow My Heart - how do you have Luo Yunxi, Song Yi and Cheng Lei and waste them so utterly? First few eps were nice and then it’s like exercise in how much you can tolerate before you call it quits.

48 The Story of Pearl Girl - almost made me dislike ZLS and LYN and that's a feat. Dull and stupid and pointless from beginning to end.

47 Brocade Odyssey - more like Snooze Novella.

46 Melody of Golden Age - see write up for FMH because it fits here. This is bland with a side of bland.

45 The Legend of Taotie - an unequivocally bad drama but the look is such a nostalgia trip and I had fun.

44 Sword and Fairy 4 - it’s kinda a mess but I loved the actors and some of the plots and you can do worse.

43 Dawn Amidst Hidden Clouds - I enjoy watching Chang Huasen as a ML but the rest is eminently forgettable.

42 Blossoms in Adversity - dumb as a set of particularly dumb bricks and ML I don’t think could act if his life depended on it, but it was strangely addictive and I watched it often before better dramas. It’s just a genuinely good time somehow!

41 Judge Dee - it’s not you it’s me in action. It’s smart and gorgeous and well acted, I just don’t do procedurals.

40 The Substitute Princess’ Love - it’s like some of those trashy web novels I enjoy. It was clearly cut, its budget was equivalent to loose change found in the pockets of makers of Fox Spirit Matchmaker, but it was a surprisingly fun watch, though I enjoyed the first half better than the second. Also as a drama old, it was a fun blast from the past seeing Dylan Kuo (if you have never watched the old twdrama The Outsiders, what are you even doing with your life?)

39 Rise from the Ashes - a wacky as hell mini where reborn FL wreaks revenge with help of her fake uncle as they carry on as some sort of Borgia/Phillip II of Spain fame hybrid. If you don’t need to use your brain, you could have a worse time.

38 The Legend of Heroes - it suffered from me seeing other versions of this tale before that I liked more and not loving how dark looking it is but that cast is A+ and Wang Hongyi was a revelation as Yang Kang.

37 Beauty Strategy - a mini of what a few years ago would have been a proper angsty drama of palace scheming enemies while lovers, powerless emperor etc etc. Honestly, I loved it.

36 Lovesickness - this year’s gender-reversed Ancient Love Song, not as artistic or good but still a good time about a woman traveling back in time and falling for a powerful but doomed duke.

35 Fragments of Kylin - demon slayer falls for a demon; this one came out of nowhere and didn’t have much of a budget but is surprisingly lovely.

34 Love of Nirvana - the good parts are vvvvv good and points for making the emperor the villain, but it almost never emotionally grabbed me, and a lot of time was spent on narratives I had no interest in.

33 Enslaved by Love - the only reason it’s not the most fucked up drama on this list is because Shadow Sect, Palace Shadows and Burning Flames exist. The ML is toxic enough to be banned by the Geneva convention but FL does get some of her own back and also if you ever wanted to see blindness-curing sex, boy do I have a drama for you!

32 The Princess Royal/The Grand Princess - I am in the minority of finding this drama very mid. The acting was fine (except for former eunuch dude), the writing was fine, but I never really got invested alas. I don’t even know why. I think it’s just not my type of narrative; there was no intensity.

31 Secrets of the Shadow Sect - head of sect lady and her very very subby bodyguard. What’s not to love?

30 Palace Shadows: Between Two Princes - ML pretends to be his own twin, bdsm and sluttiness ensues. I cannot even explain how wild this drama is but the acting is on point and way way fun!

29 Dashing Youth - I had no expectations of this drama (was either indifferent to or disliked everyone in the cast, wuxia and wuxia-adjacent is rarely my genre, the number of characters is huge) but I loved how under its bright colors, it eventually gets very dark (it’s quite old school that way) and somehow I am invested in everyone in the huge cast. This being a prequel to The Blood of Youth makes us know the fates of many of the characters and this adds the air of tragic inevitability to it all.)

28 The Last Immortal - a surprisingly sweet and touching xianxia that works largely because Zhao Lusi and Wang Anyu are so so so so solid separately and together.

27 Burning Flames - the most gonzo drama on this list. I love it for committing to insanity as it should (if you pick insane source material, commit.) Humans taking on the worst Gods since Olympus, fur and chains, sentient crystal FL, ML who goes from Crown Prince to mine slave to rebel leader, bare chests and fur, demon elves, a villain that leaches color from the world - this drama has everything and I loved its unhinged glory.

26 Lost You Forever 2 - it would have been higher except it fell apart in the last third so badly I am still wondering how the makers could misunderstand their own characters and their own narratives so badly. The first season was a masterpiece. This is a hot mess.

25 Fateful Love - this was released after years in the dungeon and feels old school in the best way. It's what reading one of those OP FL web novels feels like, and the OTP is shockingly competent and adult. I loved that.

24 Love Game In Eastern Fantasy - excellent start, mid middle, and a terrible last third but I cannot have truly hard feelings since before it fell off, it really was fun.

23 Love in a Dream - it's a mini that has the most gorgeous cinematography I've seen all year except for Fangs of Fortune and Eternal Brotherhood. I loved the vibes and the story (though of course it suffered from mini running time constraints) and its feeling of tragic love and lost time.

22 Different Princess - a ridiculous amount of fun and ship about an author falling through to her own novel and falling for the villain.

21 Kill Me Love Me - the story is a mess and a half but the OTP gave me some incredible incredible scenes, and Wu Jinyan, Liu Xueyi and Baron Chen are gorgeous and acting their hearts out, plus the whump mmmm.

20 Meet You at the Blossom - this is a Thai/Taiwan/China coproduction so I am including it. It's my list! An uncensored BL adaptation with delicious dysfunction, sunshine x murder boy, angst, shippiness, groveling and wigs that are surprisingly decent for the budget!

19 Sword and Fairy 6 - I love this tale; the young OTP (a whale weapon and a clone of her trigger? More wholesome than you think) who are so ride or die for each other, the other amazing characters (sect leader who has to live as a man and her “twin” who is an ancient trapped spirit, a wolf demon, etc…) It’s just genuinely good and proof that targeted to younger audience doesn’t have to be bad.

18 In Blossom - sure, we all know JJY can’t act, but the narrative was so fun and the visuals were so gorgeous and Liu Xueyi so gorgeous and magnetic in his first proper Male Lead role, it was all worth it. I liked the first half when they were still cautious of each other more than the second but this is just a good time!

17 Snowy Night Timeless Love - a classic, tragic, romantic wuxia the way "they don't make it any more" only they did. Just lovely.

16 The Rise of Ning - such a pleasant, easy slice of period life with a side of revenge and fakecest (but only a teeny side.) Secondary characters are not particularly engaging and the plot suffers from being limited to 40 eps, but the main OTP is so enjoyable and Ren Min and Zhang Wanyi are doing such nuanced, lovely job that I can't even complain.

15 Hard to Find - my second favorite mini on the list, this is an aesthetic feast. The doomed couple from enemy kingdoms, the vengeance, the twists - if ever a mini deserved to be a proper drama, this would be it. But alas, if it was they’d probably not let it.

14 The Double - unhinged web novel vibe done so perfectly in the inimitable Yu Zheng style. The leads were so good even the amazing villains didn’t truly steal the show. Like with a lot of cdramas, it lost a lot of steam in second half for me, but still a great watch.

13 Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty 2 - I never like procedurals. Somehow both seasons of this show are the sole exception. It is so gorgeous, so impeccably acted, with such great characters. I cannot wait for s3.

12 Love in the Desert - a mini drama in story but with a proper budget and run time, this is such gorgeous sensual fun with a great main OTP, a truly incredible secondary OTP and some beautiful visuals.

11 Fortune Writer - the best mini this year and better than most “proper” cdramas (Douban raters agree), this tale of villains in love fighting the narrative has a lot to say about writing cliches and writing conventions. I love how clever it is and how it actually made me care for the characters.

10 Tender Light - except for that ending, this was in the running for my favorite 2024 cdrama. The writers’ lack of ability to commit and carry through pushed it lower but otherwise it’s a genuine masterpiece. The acting, the chemistry, the looping narrative, what it has to say about abuse and complicity of society and blazing your own moral path is something else.

9 Derailment - who knew a little quasi scifi modern would be this high but this one is amazing. If you watch one modern this year, make it this one. Our FL is a rich girl a little in the future who somehow wakes up in a different timeline a few years back in the body of that universe’s version of her (who is poor and has been missing) and her one connection is a young man who was in love with that universe’s version of her. I don’t want to say more so as not to spoil because the twists are twisty but this is EVERYTHING and also addresses transmigration, what it means to love, what is ethical etc etc. And that OTP!

8 Will Love in Spring - this is a year of miracles because I don't just have one modern among my favorites, I have a bunch. This is a gorgeous story about love and healing and awkward, scarred emotionally and physically people feeling if their odd angles and prickly flaws actually fit and working towards a future with fits and starts and it's just so chemistry driven, so tender, so gorgeous.

7 Snowfall - a fever dream of a vampire narrative set in an alternate universe of the Republican era, it’s gorgeous, passionate, hella queer and just like watching the most amazing fanfic come to life.

6 Heroes - a complete masterpiece about three men about to be on the scrapheap of history in the Qing Dynasty about to fall (a constable devoted to obsolete norms, who spent his whole life studying for the imperial exam which got canceled, the world’s best swordsman in the era of guns, and a former imperial guard who emerges from prison into a different world) whose stories intersect as they search for treasure and the women and other people in their lives. This is smart, impeccably acted, filmed in a stunning way, bleak and funny at once and - I don’t use the term masterpiece often but I will use it here.

4 (tie) Blossom - a romantic fever dream, with gorgeous damaged destined lovers. The director is the person who made A Familiar Stranger and Butterflied Lover into amazingness on a short run time and no budget, so when he actually has a proper run time and a budget - oh boy - it's romantic and beautiful and intense, a drama as opera.

4 (tie) The Legend of Shen Li - I am often indifferent to xianxia that suffers from too much CGI, hella immaturity and not enough stakes. Shen Li is everything. It’s gorgeously filmed, it’s adult, it gives the story time to breathe and centers it on characters and relationships. And the OTP is everything you can ever dream of - it reunites Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin, totally healing those Princess Agents wounds - their chemistry is still utter fire but the narrative supports them every step of the way.

3 Eternal Brotherhood - if JoL2/FoF did not come out this year, this would be my favorite cdrama of the year. It’s clearly a passion project with a small budget but this complex and grim tale of three rather different sworn brothers in a world at war is gorgeous, smart, well acted, dark and inspiring at once. There are shots that take my breath away, the love stories are amazing, the pace is perfect, and ohhh our complex mainsssssss.

1 (tie) Joy of Life 2 - (almost) nothing can beat this masterpiece. The first season was perfect and somehow the second is even more perfect. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s heartbreaking, the cast is still impeccable and Zhang Ruoyun still gives a completely jawdropping performance as the focus of all the madness Fan Xian. If you watch only one cdrama this year, make it this one; well, this and Fangs of Fortune.

1 (tie) Fangs of Fortune - this is an emotional and visual feast, with such incredible characters, interesting explorations of fantasy and mortality and morality and what makes life worth living. It made awful actors good and mid actors amazing (and amazing ones extra amazing.) It is also the most stunning drama I've ever watched as well as throwing me back into what it's like to be immersed into an amazing fantasy book as a kid and the characters and the relationships and the themes sing to me. A miracle.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Fangs of Fortune - I have rarely seen a drama that speaks to me so personally, but it is also narratively perfect, emotionally devastating, with impeccable acting, complex characters and visuals that are beyond stunning.

Joy of Life 2 - there is not one second I forwarded, not one unnecessary scene, not one weak link character. It’s a smart, fierce masterpiece.

Eternal Brotherhood is a runner up - it came out of nowhere and owned my whole heart. It’s the sole other cdrama this year where I did not ff a second.

WORST DRAMA

My Divine Emissary may have been the lowest ranked drama on my list but honestly, a drama with a tiny budget and a bunch of nobodies does not deserve to be listed as the Worst. What does? Fox Spirit Matchmaker - a huge budget, fancy stars etc etc and yet it's a completely and utterly unwatchable mess. To make something this thoroughly dull is a genuine feat. I cannot think of a drama that insults its viewer more not just this year but any recent year.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Fan Xian (Zhang Ruoyun), Joy of Life 2 - how could it ever be anyone but smart, irreverent, fierce, broken, idealistic, funny Fan Xian. The man who fights against the horrors of the universe, who remains human while being so larger than life. This character is everything.

Or Zhu Yun (Hou Minghao), an ancient, irreverent, vivid, borken demon who wants to die even as he might finally find a reason to live in Fangs of Fortune.

Runner up: Zhou Luo (Zhang Xincheng), Tender Light - idealistic loner who refuses to compromise his principles even as it would be easier to, even as it destroys his life, ZXC has always been a solid actor but here he is beyond.

Alternatively, Zichuan Xiu (Yang Xuwen), Eternal Brotherhood - only way to describe Xiu is “trauma sunshine.” He’s funny, he’s irrevocably fucked up, he is magnetic and intense and he fights for his hopeless ideals and he breaks and he keeps going.

or Xing Zhi (Lin Gengxin), the lonely ancient god in Shen Li discovering the pleasure of life for the first time in aeons.

or Zhuo Yichen (Fangs of Fortune) - a traumatized idealist who goes through so much hell but retains his heart and his core of steel even as he grows up about complexities of the world and the human heart.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Shen Li (Zhao Liying), The Legend of Shen Li - so fierce, so certain, so alive. She is a goddess but ZLY made her feel so real.

Runner up: Nan Ya (Tong Yao), Tender Light - an abuse victim who keeps trying to find a way out, she’s strong and damaged and complex and honestly, one of the best performances this year.

Alternatively, Jiang Xiao Yuan (Liu Haocun), Derailment - she makes a character that in other hands would be boring or trite, someone I want to reach through to the screen and protect and love.

Or Mi Lan (Ouyang Nana), Snowfall - a tiny, suicidal, abused, seemingly helpless blind girl who decides she needs to protect a deadly ancient vampire as her reason for living and she is unstoppable, fierce and a force of nature in her goal.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

99% of the denizens of the town in Tender Light - selfish every day denizens monstrous because of their very everydayness - they watch abuse and choose to blame the victim and gossip and enjoy the view. I hated them all.

BEST BAD GUY

Li Lun (Fangs of Fortune) - with his glorious mane, equally glorious eventual redemption, and incredibly dramatic attitude to a bad breakup, that was a feast.

The Emperor (Joy of Life 2) - a magnetic monster, smartest and the most ruthless character in any scene - Chen Dao Ming gives an insane performance.

Wang Jia Luo (Heroes) - a revolutionary for conservatism, a young man with brains and ideals who gets destroyed by them, who out-Javerts Javert, his descent into villainy and inability to live in the modern complex world, is one of the most compelling and tragic arcs of the drama.

Shen Yurong (The Double) - both repellent and somehow sympathetic, it takes skill to make me feel for a man who tried to bury his wife alive in ep 1. The performance of the whole drama for me.

City Lord (Eternal Brotherhood) - an utterly vile toad of a man, with nothing truly human and yet hiding it under weak and caring facade. I need him taken out.

"HAROLD, THEY ARE LESBIANS" AWARD

Wen Xiao x Pei Sijing, Fangs of Fortune - Duh.

"HOW DID CENSORS NAP THROUGH THIS" AWARD

Vamp Daddy and Loser Li in Snowfall and the entirety of Fangs of Fortune.

MALE LEAD MOST LIKELY TO BE BROUGHT HOME TO MOTHER

No, thank you! The few modern ones she'd not approve of (a mortician with issues? A teenager? A man who had his memories rearranged?) and the period ones are no go since few moms would be keen on wild-eyed, bloodied sons in law however hot and long haired they may be.

FAVORITE SHIP

Dou Zhao x Song Mo, Blossom - one of the most perfectly in sync couples out there, smart, competent, different kinds of damaged, get each other before they love or even trust each other. Your OTP could never. Unless your OTP is them.

Fan Xian x Lin Wan'er, Joy of Life 2 - she is his peace and his haven and the place his busy mind can rest, he is her safety and happiness and ability to live and not exist. They are everything to me.

Shen Li x Xing Zhi, The Legend of Shen Li - the chemistry, the yearning, the slow inevitable collapse into admittance, the way he protects the world and she protects him, the way they dance around each other, her being the aggressor, his surrender to forbidden emotion, their utter mutual belief in each other’s competence. They are everything to me.

Whatever the throuple (with sides?) thing was going on in Fangs of Fortune - I've raved enough about it elsewhere but that was insane in its intensity and gorgeousness and emotion and narrative arcs.

Runner up: the OTP in Derailment - those two went through some mind and soul breaking stuff and made it out.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Hands down Ruo Wen x Ge Xinwei, Love in the Desert. An amoral, magnetic bandit leader and a princess gone wild on spring break stole the drama utterly. His unhinged energy was so matched by her sfl but with an appropriate target fixation. They made me swoon, laugh and cry.

Amusingly enough, Fu Xin Bo is the male actor in two - the crossdressing sect leader x wolf demon OTP in Sword and Fairy 6, and First Prince x Eldest Princess in Joy of Life 2. What can I say, man knows how to pick them. Those OTPs are both utterly adorable!

If we are talking about an OTP where it’s not that it’s not the main but it’s not a ship-centric drama so they don’t get much time, then we have Si Yilin x Ka Dan, Eternal Brotherhood - they are both such desperately good people in a mad world, tender with each other despite surrounding cruelty and Shen Zhiheng x Mi Lan, Snowfall - a vampire age gap romance done well, the ancient gentleman vampire and the tiny fierce blind girl who decides to protect him.

And of course Qing Geng x Fei, Fangs of Fortune - Ai Mi and Zuo Ye breaking my heart yet AGAIN.

NOTP

The couple in Fox Spirit Matchmaker - such pretty people, and so bland and boring and pointless together. It was kinda amazing.

HOTTEST SCENE

Ka Dan and Si Yilin (Eternal Brotherhood), the primmest, properest OTP of them all, consummate their love without any marriage, but with plenty of golden light.

FAVORITE SCENE

God, so many good scenes this year so far - Fan Xian watching the death of the old censor and the aftermath, in JoL2; his confrontation with Wan'er after she finds out about the truth behind her brother’s death, the scene where he poisons Second Prince, his scene with the registrar. Xiu giving up his future to protect the surrendered soldiers only to come back and find Di Lin executed them all in EB, the scene in Ning’s bedroom when he tells her how he really feels because she can’t hear, the very end of that season and Di Lin striding into the light, Ka Dan and SYL’s letters to each other. XZ literally defying heaven’s lightning and all their longing in Shen Li. The last scene of LYN and his girl in Heroes, the way Heroes always intercuts the golden past of the guard and princess and the dreary present (especially when we see her bicycle spin out of control back when and her husband lose it in the present and this time there is nobody to catch her), the big reveal in Derailment and the hairwashing scene, Mi Lan touching Vamp Daddy’s face as their thing in Snowfall, and the cage stuff, the aborted sex scene in Will Love in Spring, so many scenes in Fangs of Fortune but especially the aftermath on the stairs between ZYC and ZYZ post the latter's loss of control, the final sacrifice,Li Lun x ZYC x ZYZ battle against the bad guy, the whole plague demon storyline, ZYC becoming a demon, ZYZ having to slap himself to nerve himself to walk to his death, everything. And we haven't gotten to it yet, but the scene in all Blossom previews where Song Mo falls to his knees in front of Dou Zhao from a dead run is imprinted in me.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Shen Zhiheng (Gao Weiguang), Snowfall - Vamp Daddy made me hormonal in a way I haven’t felt for a cdrama lead since the heady days of Darren Wang in The Wolf. Those outfits, that hair, that height, that restraint, that lack of restraint. THE CHAINS

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Liu Duan Duan as Second Prince in Joy of Life 2 - what a performance! Unhinged, magnetic, pitiable, terrifying and always mesmerizing. The Second Prince is Fan Xian’s foil and a worthy one. LDD is always a great actor, and with a role that actually gives him something to sink his teeth into - wow!

Runner up - Baron Chen in Kill Me Love Me. It's the year of unhinged royal princes, I guess.

BEST COSTUMES AND WIGS

Fangs of Fortune - the whole design is exquisite!

MOST EXTRA OUTFIT

Burning Flames - this drama was a feat of extraness and that meant costumes but even among those, costumes worn by Peter Ho's human king and Jeremy Tsui's psychotic god stood out.

FAVORITE SECONDARY ML

Wu Shan, Blossom - this man is a literal sunshine angel.

MOST BLATANT INNUENDO MOMENT

The Double - As our FL fondles her wet flower petals in the bath, our ML wields and swings his giant sword shirtless in the rain. That was eye popping.

FAVORITE 2024 CDRAMA SONG

This Chen Xueran song from Eternal Brotherhood:

MVP OF THE YEAR

Liu Xueyi (In Blossom, Kill Me Love Me) - this is the year LXY finally achieved leading man status and he was spectacular in both of his outings - so very different in both but equally magnetic in either even if the dramas themselves had flaws. I have a new fave!

ACTING SURPRISE

Ouyang Nana - Li Muge performs miracles. He made Yang Chaoye be good in Heroes (2022) and now Nana, who was always as wooden as a post, is a revelation as blind abused girl who becomes a vampire in Snowfall.

Hou Minghao - I've always found HMH a stunningly beautiful man and a thoroughly bland actor. But he was surprisingly solid in Dashing Youth and utterly blew me away in Fangs of Fortune. Like jaw on the floor level blown away.

Wang Hongyi - found him bland as paint in LYF (both seasons) but his Yang Kang in Condor Heroes blew me away and then he repeated that feat as a very different character in a very different drama (Snowy Night.) Consider me a new fan.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Joy of Life 2 of course - I need to see the looming confrontation between Fan Xian and the emperor, though not sure how that will pass censorship.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

FF button has cured me of finding contenders for this category, but perhaps cutting out a lot of terrible acting and lack of stage presence of “not yet a eunuch” dude in The Princess Royal, would have improved it.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Lost You Forever 2 - there were other issues with it, but all the cuts couldn’t have helped with coherency.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Same as last year - the emperor cannot be irredeemable. WTF, China, you are a communist country! Though they are nibbling at the edges this year. Also fake feminism - I am all for girl power but not when it's ridiculously anachronistic for the period with no explanation at all. And finally NO MORE TRADE DRAMAS PLS PLS PLS

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men (and women) knowingly fighting for a doomed cause because otherwise they’d cease to be who they are. Or if we are being shallow all the beautiful men in chains.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Lost Your Forever 2 - the first season was my favorite drama of 2023 but LYF2 just fell apart so so so badly, it was almost fascinating. It totally eviscerated the characters and the meanings of the story.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

So many of top dramas on my list are not dramas that were on my radar at all before airing - Heroes, Eternal Brotherhood, Fangs of Fortune, Will Love in Spring and Snowfall were not anything I anticipated, let alone I realized how much I’d love them. Same for Derailment and Tender Light. This has been a year of surprises.

2024 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have honestly watched everything I wanted.

BEST NON-2024 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2024

Lighter and Princess, hands down. I rarely even enjoy moderns and this one made it into my Top 5 cdrama of all time. This is how you make a love story. This is literally perfect. PERFECT.

Runner up: Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty - I, a procedural and mystery hater (especially when there is close to no romance) somehow fell like a ton of bricks for this gorgeous, smart, impeccably acted show.

MOST ANTICIPATED

A Dream Within a Dream looks like Fortune Writer with proper length and budget, Legend of the Female General looks epic and I love the novel, Divine Tree with Deng Wei is all my fave tropes, Veil of Shadows is peak Guo Jingming, and so many more.

[vampirzina]

Could you do MK11 Fujin and MK1 Syzoth with a reader who has piercings on her tongue and eyebrow?

tw: she/her (but mostly you) pronouns, mdni, sfw (intended), established relationship, hcs, piercings and the like

notes: i didn’t put a header for this just in case. i also had been racking my brain for fujin content after seeing an edit of him w the caption asking for fic content. i’ll think of more ideas later i swear but for now happy happy happy

masterlist : divider credit

Fujin isn’t a stranger to piercings, at all. He’s seen plenty of them in his time, in all kinds of places—so not the one to judge if she has one either. Fujin finds the piercing on your eyebrow rather cool, having noticed that first about you but doesn’t ask anything about it. But when you stick your tongue playfully out at him once, he can’t help but ask about both of your piercings.

When kisses with Fujin get deep, he tries not to make it obvious that he’s fiddling with your tongue piercing. Not only is it fun, but he loves your reaction when you finally realize. His face is already flushed from the act, but the cheeky smirk he gives you in return makes you playfully huff at him.

Naturally, thoughts wander through Fujin. Though they are mostly innocent, none of them really see the light (carried into the wind rather), out of respect for her, to spare her from the littlest bits of selfishness, and the tiny tiny part of him that fears her response to him—even if it’s not a bad one at all. He rather not play russian roulette with words.

،، ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

Fujin, tangled in the sheets of your shared bed and awaiting you there, watches you at the vanity as you undid your look. You rub the tip of your index over the slightly sore spot of your undone eyebrow piercing, hissing lowly.

Your eyes hurt from today’s work, and all you wanted to do now was just… Rest. You couldn’t not address the white eyes boring into your face, however.

“Before you ask, I’m fine,” you retort, clasping the piercing together. You set it with the rest of your collection. “Just tired.”

“I’d believe you even if you told me that your skin was as colorful as a rainbow, when it is clearly not,” he jested lightly, and you missed the way his eyes flit to your lips. “I was not going to speak. I just wanted to… Look.”

“The right word is stare, I think, but if that’s what you’re doing to me I’ll take it,” you stood, strutting over to the bedside. Before you got in, “You look like you have a question.”

He hummed a bit. Then, “None.”

“You sure?” you lift the very same brow he’d been staring at, getting comfortable beside him, but suddenly your gaze hardens. “Wait, don’t tell me. If we’re getting married, don’t you dare propose right now.”

Fujin gives the heartiest laugh you’ve heard from him yet, leaning down to barrage you with kisses as he gets comfortable with you.

───

Fujin needs to kiss you at least once a day.

Syzoth doesn’t think anything of it until he really sees it. He notices it when he’s close to her, cuddling into warmth to duck from the cold night. Maybe it’s his wandering mind as he gets tired, but to say he’s intrigued in it in its entirety is a bit of an understatement from him. If anything, he finds that he likes it on her. Of course he asks about it when you wake, and he feels a bit stupid for not asking earlier. Syzoth asks why and how bad it hurt, and that’s about it. If you’re human, he learns something new when you tell him about the commonality of it between humans.

Kissing Syzoth is an experience you couldn’t get over. Unlike Fujin, he doesn’t toy with your tongue piercing on purpose, but he’s going to brush over it a couple times if the kiss gets all that heated. He’s conscious of himself and many things after that, but surprisingly enough, your piercing there makes him feel a little less conscious of his tongue when he kisses you.

Syzoth offers you jewelry for your piercings. He’s sure somewhere in Outworld and beyond there’s those who sell such things, sometimes he even confuses earrings for them. But once he finds the right stuff, it’s nearly impossible for him to not buy up the entire store. He loves to collect the shiniest and prettiest ones he thinks you’ll like, and occasionally the ones he thinks you would look good with. Syzoth comes home with at least a pair of either or once every few weeks.

،، ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

He finds you where he left her—under a tree in the shade from the sun. She sipped the cool drink as she admired the scenery of the place around her.

You’d been wandering with Syzoth through the markets of Outworld for your morning and the better half of your afternoon. Your feet ached, you complained, and being the gentleman Syzoth is carried you here. He said that you’d both go home soon… However, he wasn’t going until he snuffed out the urge by just giving into it.

“About time. I was starting to think you were halfway across the realm. Where’d you run off to?” you squinted in the soft breeze, lips pursing a bit as you watch him fumble with the bag he was trying to give you.

…You look inside.

“I didn’t buy the whole store this time,” Syzoth pouted from her months-old tease. “With the way they were presented to me, they practically begged me to buy them. Not only that, but they were so you-esque. How could you want me to resist?”

“Because I’d like to think you’d want to buy food to eat, Sy,” you joked, holding them in a hand to inspect them. You can see the way he pouts further, if you somehow couldn’t hear him mutter.

“‘M kidding. Do you think that I’m so ungrateful when I was lucky enough to find you?” you immediately follow up to put him at ease. “They’re absolutely gorgeous, Syzoth. Thank you. I’ll try them on when we get home, okay?”

Syzoth, a bit hot in the face now from her flirt, nodded fervently at her. Whether or not she wanted to be carried wasn’t up for debate.

───

Syzoth scours beaches and caves for beautiful material someone can craft into jewelry for you.

@𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐀೨

info board

[springalwayscomes]

Closer: Too Close (I)

Closer Closer: Too Close (Teaser) Next up: Closer: Too Close Masterlist Taglist

Plot: To have each other close is something that you both always wanted, in a way or another. It’s just that… closer may be too close for you to handle.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Domestic, Humor, Friends to Lovers

Wordcount: 47.5k

Content Warning: Dirty talk, swearing, pining, mentions of masturbation, masturbation, praise, cunnilingus, cum eating, unprotected sex, mentions of blowjob, squirting, public sex, fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, love making, creampie

Author’s Note: Hello, here it is!! Honestly I didn’t think I would write a second part to Closer, I felt like the end of it was the best I could give to these two, but it received so much love and when I read it again I couldn’t hold myself back, they just make me want to write more about them. Still, I consider the first part the main one, you can read that without having to read this. I would add though, that these two here just make me want to scream for the bond they have so I hope you’ll like this as well. I didn’t say the time I would publish it to feel a little more relaxed with the editing but you asked me before and I thought I’d make it on time for 1 am KST so sorry if I kept you waiting! I hope you’ll like this, and happy birthday Jungkook! Take this as a little gift💜

P.s. I hate tumblr, I had to split the story in different parts because it was too slow and apparently every post has a limit of 1000 blocks, so here you’ll be able to finish your reading:

Closer: Too Close, it’s all part of the same story!

If you want to be tagged in my taglist to get notified when my other works will come out let me know here, under this post, with a message or an ask. Feel free to talk to me for whatever, I always appreciate your messages!🫶🏻💜

Jungkook wishes you didn’t look so beautiful. So pretty in his arms, all for him to admire as your breaths come out in soft sighs, pillowy lips so ready to be kissed. Having you like this makes his mind spin. Fuck, how lucky he must’ve been in his past life. He wonders if there you met him too, if it was in the same way, if you were the same as now. You must’ve been a nymph, surely. Or a princess, the sun, a rainbow maybe. It’s weird, how in this life you still manage to be all of that for him. 

At some point you fell asleep. In his arms, naturally and lovingly, your fingers stopped tracing patterns on his abdomen, your breath got deeper, your eyelashes fluttered shut, you nose nuzzled against his chest and all he could think about was how much he loves you. How you put the stars in his skies, how you make his world spin. And suddenly, he couldn’t sleep. Not with you beside him, your warmth around him after making love to him for the first time. He just can’t, too taken by the sight of you. 

So adorable, he scrunches his nose. So pretty. His arms wrap tighter around you, a soft and sweet kiss lays on your head and Jungkook can’t believe he finally gets to do this, have you whole. You love him. Fuck, it feels surreal. You love him, you fucking do. He’s too excited to sleep, too happy. Overwhelmed, would be the right word. 

He strokes a strand of your hair behind your ear and a second later you’re murmuring something in your sleep, lips pouty and eyebrows furrowed. He giggles at your cuteness, not really understanding what you’re saying until your fingers dip into the skin of his chest.

«Koo» your voice is grumpy and low and Jungkook holds you tighter until there isn’t any space left. 

«Baby» he coos, drunk smile on his face. You’re probably dreaming, still he can’t  hold himself back.

«Love you» you murmur.

The silence in the room makes your words louder even though they came out so low. His heart thumps against his rib cage and suddenly he finds it hard to breathe. Your scent takes over him, his hands feel heavier on your skin, eyes lost on your face.

«Are you awake?» he mumbles. Your answer doesn’t come, silence still filling the air and your soft breath accompanying it. 

«Please» he whines, it’s soft and gentle and unexpectedly he’s nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck.  

«Hhm» your annoyed moan makes him smile on your skin, just right before he leaves a peck on it. 

«Please» he stretches the word out, still nuzzling his nose into you. 

«Anno- ying» you groan, raspy voice. Jungkook hums as his lips stretch against you, his hands coming to stroke your hair.

«What do you want?» you mumble in your sleep.

«Sorry I woke you» he whispers. You shake your head, sleepy but holding tighter to him. 

«What is it?» 

He doesn’t know it either.

«Can’t sleep beside you» his answer makes your head shoot up, puffy eyes staring at him and view foggy.

«You want me to go to my bed?» you ask meekly. You wish you didn’t have to ask, it feels so good to sleep in his arms. Tomorrow he has to work though, and sleep is very much needed, so maybe you should go. 

«Fuck, no» he shakes his head eagerly, eyes staring right up into yours.

«Why would I want that?» 

«You said you-» you yawn «you can’t sleep beside me»

Jungkook scrunches his nose, cuteness overloaded. It makes your senses wake up just to pinch it between your fingers, his lips pouting when you do so. 

His hands travel to the back of your legs, they grab your skin lightly and he opens your left one with a soft motion, pushing himself between them for as much as he can from the position. He takes in your scent and hugs you tight, nose brushing on your clavicle.

«Not in that way» he murmurs, a soft dreamy sigh leaving his lips. Your heart clenches in your chest, now you’re even more awake. You love him so much. You wish you could stay like this all day, in bed with his hair tickling your skin and his soft breath fanning your skin. 

He hides his face against you, feels the warmth of you in his arms. 

«Feeling needy» he whines, words muffled against you and voice weak almost as he’s succumbing to your presence, cheeks reddish. He hides more into you.

«Needy?» you coo. Jungkook nods against you, literally shielding his face from your view. You stroke his hair, kiss the crown of his head. 

«You woke me up cause you’re feeling needy?» you smile.

He whines against you, lips pouting again.

«I shouldn’t have» he mumbles, slightly embarrassed. You love it, like this. Getting to see him in this way, in this state, fragile and vulnerable, all for you to take care of. It makes you smile wider.

«Why?» you breathe, your fingers slide down behind his neck. He whines again.

«Don’t make fun of me» 

«I’m not» you kiss his head.

«You can do it as much as you want» you smile.

He shakes his head against you.

«You should sleep» 

«Then let’s sleep» you fake a yawn, the tender hand that was stroking his skin comes back at your side and Jungkook wails again. 

«So annoying» he mumbles. You hold back your laughter, closing your eyes. Silence echoes in the air and for a bunch of seconds he waits for you to burst out in a melodic laugh, but you don’t, so all he can do is groan cutely, finally getting away from his hideout and poking your cheek. The roundness of it when you smile makes him scrunch his nose again, suddenly feeling the need to dive into the space do your neck again. He lays his head just there, eyelashes fluttering on your skin.

«What are you needy for?» you mumble, your hand moving back to its original place. He hums contently, shaking his head.

«Don’t know» he sighs.

«Cuddles?» you coo. You don’t care if you’re going to fall asleep at work tomorrow. You don’t give a shit, not when he’s lying in your hold and it took you so fucking much to realise that what you’re feeling in your chest isn’t just pure affection. You want to scatter love all over him and give him everything he needs, every single thing. 

«Mngh… cuddles» he echoes softly, feeling the word and the way it sounds so sweet when his mind links it your face. He nods, a peck on your neck. 

«Don’t know what I want-» he gulps «just want you close» 

Your leg wraps around his waist, another kiss on his head.

«Feeling overwhelmed» he lets out.

«Overwhelmed?» you massage his shoulders. Jungkook shivers against you and it makes you giggle silently.

«Hhm,» he hums «still not used to this»

You nod. You’re not either. You wish you could keep him in your pocket, take him to work and just feel his presence beside you for the whole day tomorrow. You need time to get used to this, to him being your person, even though he’s always been. You wish you had the whole day, you’d spend it on the couch and at home out of reach of public’s eyes, still getting used to how it feels to wrap your arms around each other with such tenderness and intimacy.

«Me neither baby» you puff. His hand gets to your back, fingers rubbing underneath his shirt on the soft skin. It makes him hold his breath, it’s shaky when it comes out. 

«Tighter» he mewls. You squeeze him, his chest against you and his nose deep into your skin, eyes closed as he lingers in the feeling. 

«Love you so much» he murmurs. 

Jungkook feels so vulnerable, like he could break anytime in your arms, like his heart is out of his chest, thumping and clenching and beating just for you, all for you. He feels exposed, totally frail and friable, even though your arms around him and your kisses on his head are the safest fort. 

«I love you» you say back. And god, he doesn’t care if you already said it a bunch of times tonight, if you’ll say it a handful tomorrow and the next day, twenty times the next week and an infinity of them for the others to come, he’ll never get used to it, never. 

You kiss his neck, your arms come on his back to relax his muscles. And suddenly, he’s squirming in your hold, shivers on his skin that make him lose his mind, all the love in his chest setting fire to his limbs. 

«What is it?» you whisper. Jungkook nuzzles against you desperately, his hands coming down on your asscheeks. He kneads the skin, squeezes it between his fingers, pushes your body more into his.

«Wanna feel you» it’s all he mumbles. 

You’re combusting, cheeks already hot and a drunk smile taking over your face, eyes glittering with love. Fuck, you do love him. So much, so deep, so effortlessly, so consumingly. You’re in every cell of his body, screaming and pleading to have you in every possible way. Your hands cup the back of his head, you pull him slightly to make him look at you, his big eyes are moist, glassy with all the intensity of what he’s feeling. 

«You make me lose it,» you exhale through your mouth «feel like I’m going to explode from how much I love you»

You see his eyebrows furrow, the emotions in his stare take over him and all he can do is smile in such a way that your mind goes blank; it’s full of love, full of tenderness, adoration, weakness. Like he gives up on himself and just drains into you and you and only you. His hand cups your cheeks, soft and gentle his fingers stroke your skin, his forehead touches against yours as the fingers of his other hand dig into your waist.

«Lose it then,» he whispers «please» totally breathless. Fuck, you do. All you can do is lose it, succumb, melt. 

Your lips push against him, your hands slide between your bodies, your digits caress his chest, nails lightly dig into his skin, so soft but firm. Jungkook hisses, his cock twitches and all he manages to do is moan and moan and moan again in your mouth. It makes you wet, desperate just like him. 

«Fuck» he whines against your lips, your pads caressing his nipple. 

«Love it when you whine like that» you breathe, your lips kissing his neck. He throws his head back, leaving you all the space you need as he shudders with his hands on your thighs. 

«So- so desperate» it’s a wail, and you can’t think straight, can’t think properly. 

Your tongue licks his clavicle, you take his nipple in your mouth, suck it just enough to make him look back at you, you have the ability to turn him into a puddle without doing anything. Your fingers link around the band of his boxers, pushing them down enough to get a hold of the skin underneath, and you can’t help but squeeze his firm asscheek in your hand, lips leaving kisses on his chest. Jungkook is out of breath already, ruts his cock against you, fully hard and begging to be inside you. 

«Clothes- bra, please» he can’t speak, doesn’t even know how to formulate a sentence properly. It makes you giggle against his abs, your eyes falling on his face. His cheeks are flushed, hair in the way, lips swollen from all the kisses you already shared. You’re so impatient that you take off your bra and your panties without even realising it, his boxers too, and a second later you’re straddling him on the bed, your core pushing against the muscle of his thigh and your hands all over him. He cups your breast, pulls you to him and cages his strong arms around you with such delicacy, as if you were made of glass. Your nipples brush against his chest and a deep moan escapes your mouth, his head spins. It’s you, it’s fucking you. The meaning of all this,  the reason of everything. You make him breathless, crazy, desperate. 

«Can’t-» he breathes hard «can’t even speak»

«It’s okay, baby» you kiss his lips.

He shakes his head, his fingers intertwine with yours and you smile against his lips as he hisses, his cock leaking precum. You feel it twitch against your belly and hell, you’re really going to lose it; seeing him like this, never anyone turned you on so much, this bad. Only him, he’s the only one. The only one that makes you think that you’d be down to do anything, to try anything with. 

«Please» he begs. Your hand wraps around him, his half lidded eyes look at you as you guide him into you, the feeling intoxicating. Jungkook throws his head back on the pillow as soon as his cockhead caresses your core, your wetness mixing with his precum as you let him enter, filling you up slowly and so incredibly good. 

He finds himself totally absorbed, rapted by the way you make him feel. Not once in his life he felt this way, loved so deeply, craved so much, there was not a single time when he felt the need to surrender to someone in this maddening, sweet and consuming way. It’s just… you. It’s your ways, your motions, your soul, the safeness he’s engulfed in when you’re with him, your love. He wants to succumb even more, get so lost that he can barely breath cause fuck, you’re the essence of everything. There’s no point if it’s not you, no meaning. 

«Love, baby- nngh, fuck» he wails. His cheeks are reddish, eyes closed shut and lips open and swollen, eyebrows contracted in pleasure as you fully take him. 

Your head spins as you move slowly, his lids open to meet your gaze and he… he never felt so loved. The way you look at him makes his chest heavier, fuller. He’ll never get used to it. His hands roam your body, his touch makes your skin fire up, every inch feels like an eternity, ink marking you of abstract emotions that could never be explained. He cups your breast and opens his legs just enough to feel more comfortable, bending them at his knees against the mattress, his breath fans your skin. Your movements pick up, your hips move more on his and the way his cock fills you up so beautifully makes you moan on top of him, the angle slightly changed from the movement of his legs. Jungkook digs his  fingers into your skin, your hand on his chest and the other supporting your weight on the bed, your hair fall at your sides and built up walls to shield you and him from the rest of the world. His eyes mark every inch of skin from your eyes to your lips, they flutter and close and then open again, dark and glittery they look at you with all the fondness and vulnerability he never showed to anyone, whines escaping his mouth and ending with nothing but dull silence and the sound of your wetness.

He pushes you more into him, chest entirely against his, nipples tight to his pecs, the feeling consuming and never enough. His arm wraps around your back again and he links his hand to yours, your full weight now against him without the support of your limb on the bed. Jungkook kisses your neck, palms your asscheek and squeezes the skin, pushes you onto him more. He shivers underneath you, the pleasure of having you so intimately makes him throb inside you with every thrust, already too close to his release, your moans in his ears and your hands travelling behind his shoulder blades. It’s needy and full of vulnerability, hands roaming each other’s bodies just for the need of having you close, closer, to get more from each other than what you’re already giving. To belong more, to love harder.

Everything is perfect, he is perfect. You wish you could have him like this everyday, every second, feel him this close forever. Jungkook’s moans vibrate against your skin, both of his hands on your ass as he moves his hips upwards meeting your movements. The pleasure is too much, it’s too good. 

Your head falls on his chest as you stop your motions, he keeps you in place with his hands on your asscheeks, cock rutting inside you slightly faster but still so fucking sweet and alluring. Your chest is bursting, heart beating so loud that you hear it in your ears, body on fire with the warmth of him, sweats mixing together. 

«Tell- tell me you love me» he whispers, a kiss lays on the crown of your head as your head is still lingering on his chest. You nod against him, kiss the ripples of the muscles between his pecs. 

«Love you, I love you» you moan. His breath seems to get even heavier, your walls pulsate around him and they make his cock feel even bigger inside you, the fullness too good to be real. 

«Love you, love every- oh my god, Jungkook» your whine makes him leak even more precum, your juices together are so slippery that the sounds in the room are totally filthy and unfiltered. 

«Love everything about you, every cell of you. Love you, love you» you breathe. Jungkook is on the edge, your words light up a fire that doesn’t seem to simmer down, the taste of his orgasm already hovers over him and your skin under his fingers burns, the fullness of his hands with your flesh makes him feel the luckiest man in the world. 

«Baby, fuck» he moan, his head falling backwards on the pillows. You raise yours, look at him to take in the expanse of his neck, eyes glued to your love. 

«When you- nngh» he shudders under you, face contracted in bliss, «when you sp-speak like tha-ath» he whines. 

You shake, you’re not really sure if it’s because of the pleasure or because of how he looks, how he sounds. He ruins you, in every way possible. He ruins you with his whines, with how much he loves you so deeply and profoundly, with all of him; you’re so fucking in love that you can’t hold it back and all you want to do is explode and fucking let him know; that you’re sorry, cause he hurt so much, cause you made him worry, that you didn’t realise sooner. That you love him, so much you can’t put it into words.

«I love you» you kiss the side of his neck, lips tracing a wet path until you get to his jaw, his chin, the mole under his lips. You don’t kiss them though, stay on them as you speak and breathe hard, moan on top of him as you lips brush against his: «Love you so much I can’t hold it. Wanna have you all for me, only me. Want you every night, every day» 

Jungkook is in a haze, his fingers dig deeper into your skin until he realises that he wants to feel more of you, so they travel on your back, one rests there and the other cups your cheek, his eyes stare at your face trying as much as he can to keep them open. You’re so beautiful, look so ethereal, so angelic.

«I want to have all of you. Wanna be your safe place, wanna be yours. Forever, never want this to end» you shiver under his gaze. And fuck, all he can do is kiss you, so deep and passionate that you both feel like you’re about to combust together. It’s too much, for the both of you. Too good, too deep, too beautiful. 

«Never wanna lose this» you breathe. Jungkook nods eagerly, he wishes he could say that yes, fuck he’d follow you in another life too, the next one and the next one afterwards, the one before this if he could go back to it. In every single one, every single version of you, every fucking time. 

«Not- not gonna hap-pen» he stumbles on his words, lips speaking against you in slow movements too taken aback from how good it feels.

«Loved you- for so long, baby. Not- not gonna lose this, ever» it’s all he manages to blurt out, your hands are staining his chest and they leave love stains that will be hard to wash away, to ever forget. 

«Kiss me, pl- please» he shudders. You lock your lips with his and Jungkook feels totally engulfed, loved all over, totally safe and sound. Your tongues slide with each other, whimpers in your mouth as he moves slowly inside you, eyes stinging even though they are shut, breaths ragged. The way he squeezes every part of you, feels his cock swollen and throbbing against your g-spot, your soft lips so lovingly, your scent all around him. Shit, the things he’d do for you. The love he wants to give, the amount he wants to take.

Your kiss makes him dive deeper, Jungkook is totally lost and exposed, every single part of him displayed for you and totally vulnerable, so ready for you to take over. You could take everything, all of him, every single part. And fuck, you do, and you make him yours. So yours that all he can do is whimper and whine in your mouth, his hips stuttering as he cums inside you, body writhing under yours, your walls squeezing him tight as you come on top of him, legs trembling with aftershocks, the wave of pleasure too much to hold back and too sweet to decline. 

He kisses you for long, even while the both of you cum your lips stay on each other, after you come down from your climax, when the feeling is still too sweet to let go. Your arms stay around each other, your skins glide and his cock is still so deep, both of your juices on the base of his length, still moving slowly. It’s so heavenly and blissful that all you want is for him to never let go, stay inside you for as much as he can. 

Jungkook keeps you close, eyes shut as you both keep exchanging love, never getting tired. When you smile against his mouth you feel his heart pound underneath you and your digits dig into his chest, his rosy cheeks waiting for you hands to cup them as you slowly part from him. Jungkook looks totally fucked out, but more from the feeling of having each other like this than the act of what you just did itself, and it makes you heart beat even louder. Not even a moment later he’s smiling as gloriously as the morning sky, lips stretching and bunny teeth showing, eyes glittering with emotions that still haven’t been described yet by words, the meaning of them too deep and heavy to just be translated in letters. 

Mondays are awful, absolute hell for who gets to spend the weekend relaxing and for those who don’t, sometimes you wonder if it’s the same for who works on Saturday too, maybe it would be better to work and relax on Sunday and have a free day during the week, like Eunji. 

Today though, it’s especially worse. Having to leave Jungkook’s arms makes your mood drop even before you’re fully awake, already craving for the evening to come. 

You wish you could stay in bed more, lay beside him and watch him sleep, hear his soft breaths and linger in the warmth of his body. He’s still naked, the memories of yesterday night still fresh and replaying in your mind, a drunk love smile invading your features and reassuring you at least a little bit. You were too into each other to even get up and dress for the night, your clothes still on the floor. You didn’t even wash and the thought makes you grimace. You need a shower, absolutely. Not before you dig your lips into his puffy cheeks though. 

His hair are all over the place, arms wrapped around you so tight that you find it hard to move, legs intertwined and holding you down, your head at the height of his chest. You move slow and try your best not to wake him up, he snores lightly and you bite your lips to hold back a giggle. He’s so beautiful that you feel like crying, you wish you could paint him suddenly. Your kiss lays on his cheek, the fullness of it makes you scrunch your nose and suddenly he’s writhing underneath you, grumpy and sleepy. You still but kiss him anyway, his arms holding you tighter. He smiles as he realises what’s happening, heart thumbing first thing in the morning. 

«Sleep more» he mumbles. His voice is raspy and low and you mentally pin to your mind that you want to spend a full morning with him in bed as soon as you can, possibly on Saturday. 

«I have to get ready» you say. Jungkook whines, shaking his head and moving his legs, he creates a cage around you with his right one, throws it over your hip and pulls you against him with the ball of his foot. He shivers when he feels your bare skin against his cock, only now realising that you’re still both naked from last night. 

«How much time do we have?» he has his eyes closed, lips pouty as he speaks.

You try to move to get a grab of his phone on his nightstand since yours is still in the clothes on the floor, but he doesn’t seem to get it and only whines at you, wrapping around you tighter.

«Let me check the time» you smile. He seems to loosen up his hold and you manage to pass his shoulder and get his phone from behind him. 

«I have to be out in thirty» you nod.

He huffs annoyed, he’s not ready to let go of you yet.

«I’ll take you» he mumbles. You shake your head.

«Sleep some more»

«Please? Let me take you» he whines and pouts and all you can do is deeply breathe in. Too cute.

«Will you make it on time?» you blurt. He beams widely, nodding yes.

«I’ll be on time,» he keeps nodding «are we taking a shower?» 

Your eyebrows furrow, his eyes are puffy as he looks at your confused expression.

«We?»

He nods again, a peck on the tip of your nose. 

«We didn’t wash last night» he explains. 

«We’re showering, but in different bathrooms» you’re already trying to free yourself from him when you speak, Jungkook’s pouty lips in deep contrast with the strength of his body as he keeps you against him. 

«Why?» he mewls. 

«We don’t have time to shower together» you huff. He shakes his head.

«It’s the same as showering on your own! We’ll be fast, I promise» 

«Jungkook, no. Let me get up» his arms loosen around you, giving you the space to free yourself. He knows that tone, very well. It leaves him taken aback though, especially in such a situation when a second before you were smiling at him. He stays still, lets you get out of the bed and looks at you as you stand up, fully naked for his eyes. You pick up your garments, check the notifications on your phone. After you’re done you turn to him, push your knee on the bed and bend towards him. The kiss you leave on his forehead makes his chest burn and fill with happiness again, his hands cupping your cheeks as he makes you still in place. He sits up and kisses your lips, a soft peck that leaves its mark on you for the rest of the day. You smile softly and a second later you’re out of his bedroom.

Your day has been awful, one of those that you want to forget, call it a day and just wake up tomorrow. You had a three hour meeting that never seemed to end, one of your clients was rude and you almost ended up throwing him your notebook, hoping to hit him right in the face. You’re not the kind of person who looses her calm easily, but he spurred you on so much that you lost it for a second, your fist thumping against the table. You had a break of twenty minutes to eat lunch and went back to your office to finish reading the papers of your next client, after waiting for him for thirty minutes you called him just to hear him say that he forgot about the appointment. Thank god it’s over, is all you can think about. 

Jungkook called you at lunch, his bubbly tone reassured you as you ate your salad, telling you how is morning went. 

Finally, you get out of the building, eyes roaming on the street for your taxi. You sigh relieved when you finally sit inside, the driver already starting the engine to take you to Taehyung’s place. The road is not really long but there’s a little bit of traffic so all you can do is stare outside and listen to the music coming from the radio until your phone rings, Jungkook’s name lights up the screen and your lips stretch in advance as you bring it to your ear.

«Kook» you call.

He beams as he keeps his eyes on the road.

«I’m coming to get you but there’s a bit of traffic. I think I’ll be there in-»

«Oh, you’re coming?» you echo.

«I booked a taxi, I’m on my way already» 

This morning he didn’t tell you he would come and pick you up from work, at lunch neither. 

«Of course I’m coming» he speaks slowly. His tone is low and he sounds definitely less bright then when you started the call. 

«You didn’t tell me» you murmur. Jungkook frowns.

«I thought it was obvious» he mumbles. He’s disappointed but all he can do for now is turn on the left and get back to the main road. 

«Are you still going to Taehyung’s?» 

«Of course» you nod. You wait for him to say something but silence fills the air and you end up staring outside once more.

«Are you mad?» you shrink in your seat.

Jungkook munches on the inside of his lips, head shaking.

«No,» he mumbles «just disappointed. I wanted to spend some time together before going»

«Oh, I’m sorry» you sigh. 

«I didn’t think about it, I just-»

«It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry» he smiles a bit. Your tone sounds low and it’s far from what he wanted for you to sound like when he called.

«Just call me next time» he smiles more.

«I will» you nod.

«I’ll be there in ten minutes I think, is there so much traffic?» you ask. The road that you’re on seems slightly more free than the one before, there are a lot of cars but it’s not too bad, you can still move without having to stop every two minutes. 

Jungkook huffs.

«A little. I guess it will take me twenty minutes at least. Are they ordering dinner or cooking?»

«Hoseok told me they want to eat pizza» you inform. 

«Can you order for me too?» he looks at the screen almost as if you could see his pouty lips.

«Do you want your usual?» 

«Yes,» he nods «I’m so hungry» 

«You ate too little at lunch» you scold. Jungkook shrugs as he finally turns around and enters the main road. 

«I wasn’t that hungry at lunch» 

«I know but you should eat enough to get you to dinner» you sing-song. 

«Ugh, so annoying» he sighs, a smile stretching on his face. You shake your head, eyes going back to the street.

«I’m almost there, see you in a bit?» 

He nods.

«Yes, I’m on the main road. See you in a bit» 

You’re about to close the call when he calls your name again.

«Y/n?» 

«Mh?» you hum. He bites on his lower lip, a bubbly feeling making its way in his chest.

«I love you» he hums back, voice soft. It comes out too hard to hold back your smile, cheeks burning.

«I love you too»

Jungkook wishes you didn’t agree to spend your evening like this. All he could think about today was how much he wanted work to end so that he could come and pick you up, go home and spend some time together. Watching a movie, cooking, laying in bed, whatever would have been fine as long as he could’ve basked in you and your presence. When he saw the messages on your group chat after lunch, he didn’t think you would say yes but after twenty minutes, your reply lit up his screen and all he could do was agree too. He didn’t want to stay home alone if he could be with you somewhere else so he didn’t have any choice left. As he stares at his reflection in the elevator though, he doesn’t look as gloomy as it sounds. His cheeks are full, a beam on his face at the thought of the reaction of your friends at the news of what happened, it makes him eager to get out from the doors and knock at the apartment.

Yoongi opens the door, Hyunjoo by his side smiling at the maknae. He takes his shoes off and lets them at the entrance, taking in the sight of the room as he greets his friends. 

«Y/n?» he asks to Jimin after Taehyung pats him on the shoulder. His friend points at the kitchen.

«In the kitchen,» he answers «she’s with Eunji» 

Jungkook nods, his friend furrows his eyebrows and pouts slightly as he nods, as to say “go and get her”. It makes Jungkook lick his lips, eyes travelling to the door of the kitchen as he shakes his head. 

«Don’t think so but-» Eunji stops talking when the door opens, her eyes scanning the intruder and then going back to the counter, she stirs something in the pan without even bowing to him, too used to each others’ presence. 

«Aren’t we getting pizza?» Jungkook asks as he comes in. She nods at him, his eyes smiling at you. 

«Didn’t feel like eating that much, I ate a lot at lunch» she answers. You chuckle softly.

«Yeah, yeah» you move your head to a beat that only you can hear «Are you beatboxing?» you laugh.

Jungkook bursts out laughing, Eunji seems to understand your joke only after a few seconds.

«Jimin tells me I speak in rhymes a lot these days» she laughs.

«Please don’t get used to it» Jungkook titters at her, stopping in the middle of the room. Eunji shakes her head, focusing on the food and he looks at you with his eyes all smiley and glittery. You find your insides melting and all you can do is smile back, getting a handful of the napkins on the counter and turning around it. You walk towards him, Jungkook is about to open his arms at you but you seem to fasten your pace and a second later you’re passing beside him like he wasn’t there in the first place. He sees you walk out of the kitchen and turn the corner, taking the napkins with you to set the table in the living room. 

He stays still for a minute, Eunji humming as she cooks totally unaware of what just happened and of his confused mind. Why would you do that? 

«When’s dinner coming?» his friend yells from in front of him. He blinks at the wall, Jin responding from the other room.

«In twenty» 

Eunji nods to herself, turning around to Jungkook.

«Can you tell Jimin to come?» she asks. He nods, not really understanding.

«Can’t you yell some more?» he teases. Eunji rolls her eyes at him.

«You’re a good friend, Jungkook» she smiles annoyingly and he just shakes his head, already strolling to the living room to get Jimin. When his friend leaves for the kitchen, he realises you’re nowhere to be seen. 

He wanders around the house for a bit, goes to the balcony, peeks into the gym space, turns in the hallway until he stops in front of the bathroom. He stills for a second pondering on what to do, maybe you’re inside? 

«Y/n?» he calls. Your hum confirms his thoughts. 

«Can I come in?» 

A second later the handle lowers and your face shows in front of him, nodding and  about to walk out. He grabs your wrist sweetly, eyes meeting yours as he stops you in place. You look taken aback, even more when he guides you inside and shuts the door behind you. 

«What are you doing?» you ask. Jungkook shakes his head.

«Did something happen?» he questions munching on the inside of his lips. You shake your head.

«Nothing happened. Why?» you ask back. He pouts in respond. 

«You didn’t greet me» he murmurs low. Your smile softens his insides as you get closer to him. 

«Poor baby» you mumble sweetly, hand cupping his cheek. 

«You wanted a kiss?» you coo. 

«Sorry, didn’t want to do it in front of Eunji» 

Jungkook’s mouth opens slightly, not really expecting your words. He doesn’t manage to answer back, your lips touch his and all he does is melt into you, the way your petals feel so soft and full, the taste of your lip balm so sweet. It’s slow and lovely, your thumb brushes against his cheek and he turns into a puddle right away, eyelashes fluttering. 

«Missed you so much» he whispers against you, your heart clenches.

«I missed you too» your hands reach his nape, you caress his head as he kisses your cheek, giggles erupting from his chest when you tickle a sweet spot behind his ear, his nose scrunching cutely. 

«Sorry about before. And the taxi. I really didn’t think-» he pecks your lips.

«It’s all fine. Don’t worry» another peck.

«I wish we stayed home tonight,» another one «wanted to cook you dinner»

«Let’s do it tomorrow?» you ask. Jungkook nods as he lets his arms wrap around your waist, squeezing you to him.

«Wait, did you come because of me?» you giggle. He nods against you, kissing the tip of your nose. You shriek when he unexpectedly grabs you by the back of your thighs, he laughs at your reaction as he places you on the sink, your knees at the sides of his waist and his hands going back to your back. 

«Sshh» he chuckles, his forefinger on his lips. You shake your head, his hands cup your face and you find yourself giggling when his lips kiss every inch of your face quickly and endlessly, pecks left on your nose, lips, chin, your cheek, your forehead. Jungkook giggles with you as he does so, just the melody of your laughter is enough to make him feel as light as a feather. 

«So pretty» he coos. 

«Stop, it’s ticklish» you giggle. He shakes his head, leaving another peck on the tip of your nose. You have to grab him by his cheeks and pull him to you to make him stop, your kiss stilling him in place, totally taken aback. For a second, he doesn’t move, his mind goes back to how worried he was yesterday at lunch when he thought he had lost his best friend. It makes him beam against you when you part and scrunch your nose at him, cutely angry for not responding the kiss. He kisses you right back, your soft and airy giggles fill up the air again as he rubs his nose against yours sharing an eskimo kiss. 

«Yes» he blurts out stilling. You raise your eyebrows confused.

«I came because of you. Why did you agree? Couldn’t we stay at home?» he whines.

«Usually we don’t go to places together if we don’t feel like it» you wonder. Jungkook parts a little.

«We don’t. But I thought- after what happened yesterday I thought-» he stutters a bit «we could stay home and- I don’t know» he looks down.

«I wanted to be with you and… don’t know, whatever would’ve been good»

«Oh» you let out. Jungkook doesn’t budge in front of you, eyes back on your face and expression a bit disappointed. 

«Baby, I’m really sorry. I suck, sorry» you murmur «I’m sorry about the taxi and before and this too. It’s just- it’s new and- I thought about staying home too and I wanted it a lot but- I don’t know, we didn’t talk about it and when Taehyung asked I just said yes out of habit. I thought you wanted to come, I should’ve-»

«Hey stop, stop» he rubs his nose against yours once more.

«It’s okay» he kisses the tip. 

«It just hurts a bit cause I thought that you didn’t want to stay home? Like- of course you would want to spend time with our friends but- after what happened I thought we both wanted to be with each other and- just-»

«I want to. I really, really want to. Really» you nod.

«I thought about you all day long. I had a shitty day and what got me through it was the thought of coming home to you. I wanted to cuddle or just do anything too. I don’t know, when he asked I just- I’m not good at this yet. Like, I don’t think I can balance our relationship yet. I’m used to us being friends and spending time like this, I didn’t think you would mind coming here cause that’s what we usually do, I said yes cause I thought you would want to come. I’m - I’m sorry» your rant comes to an end and you’re out of breath, Jungkook’s lips are fighting a smile as he tries to stay lucid for a second.

«We need to communicate better,» he sighs, the smile taking over him «definitely» he adds.

«I’ll tell you about my plans and you can tell me yours. It’s better, isn’t it?» his forehead touches yours as his arms wrap around you, he pushes himself to you, hugging you tight and never wanting to let go. You hum on his face, slightly nodding for as much as the position allows.

«So, will we do that tomorrow? Stay home?» you mumble. 

«If you want to» he breathes. You nod eagerly, parting from him.

«Thanks god, yes I want to. Wanted to stay home today too» you giggle. Jungkook loses his sanity, your essence invades every cell of him and makes them go crazy with affection.

«Do you want to leave?» he chuckles. 

«You think we could? I mean- wouldn’t it be weird?» 

«Why would it?» he kisses your cheek. You use your feet to bring him closer, wrapping your legs around him and when he looks at you his eyes are full of tenderness.

«They don’t know yet» you shrug.

«We could just be tired. And we could tell them» he whispers, his fingers brush away a hair that’s about to come in the way of your eye. You hold his wrist and stop his movement, the soft kiss that you lay on the back of his hand makes his mind weak and the way you intertwine your fingers with his it’s even worse.

«Do you really want to leave?» you ask. He raises his eyebrows.

«After dinner? We eat and go» he mumbles. It makes you laugh, it’s totally a Jungkook thing to do. 

«Never say no to pizza» you joke, his cheeks getting fuller as he stares at you with his big dark eyes.

«I would now, but Tae payed for them. It would be rude» 

«I know, I was just joking. When you’re hungry you malfunction, usually» you explain. He blows on your face faking annoyance.

«Let’s go home after we eat» you nod. He pecks your lips happily.

«Great» he chimes, bunny teeth showing from how wide he’s smiling. 

«Can I get another kiss?» 

You don’t even let him take in your actions, already pulling him to you and placing your lips on his, totally rushed and needy to feel the softness of his petals. He moans against you, your tongue slides inside his mouth and you feel like on the edge of a cliff with your heart in your throat and your senses tingling. You cradle his hair with your fingers, caress his head as you deepen the kiss, eyes closed. Jungkook feels himself getting closer to losing his hold on the world with you fitting so sweetly in his arms. If he thinks he has to let go to go back to the living room all he wants to do is lead you to the front door and get you to his car to take you home and just bask in your presence. 

He lingers in the sensation more, not ready to let go yet. 

«Baby» he whimpers against you when you slightly dig your teeth in his lower lip. 

«I love you» you murmur. 

And fuck, it makes him really lose it. His breath gets cut off, jaw clenching as he breathes in deeper. It’s so good when you say it, sounds so beautiful, so melodic. He can’t believe it’s for him, his ears to hear.

«Love you» you repeat, hands on his shoulder blades and nose bumping into his. He smiles with his eyes shut, cheeks staining of a faint shade of red as his mind gets filled with the need of having you close.

«Can- can you… do you want to…» he doesn’t end his sentence, he looks away from you as he munches on his lips nervously. The sudden shift of his behaviour makes you frown in confusion.

«What?» you coo. Jungkook shakes his head.

«Nothing, let’s go out?» he tries. He sees you, narrowing your eyes at him and trying to understand what he’s thinking about, lips contracted in the slightest scowl. 

«Love» you call. He shuts his eyes, the nickname still makes him uneasy with the emotions in his chest, all soft and mushy.

«Tell me» 

«I…» he licks his lips, «I want you» he murmurs, his eyes meeting yours again. Silence fills the air, his skin burns in worry and embarrassment with the new information he just let out, mind spinning to try and catch the slightest hint of discomfort in your features.

«Now? Here?» you’re taken aback, and Jungkook can hear it loud and clear, of course you would be. It would be better to just go back and wait for the pizza with the others, they’re probably looking for you at this point.

«I’m sorry, let’s just- go back and-»

«Come here» you smile, grabbing him by his hips and pulling him to you. His eyes widen, his body is totally limp as you keep him close.

«What do you want?» you huff happily. He breathes in through his teeth, chest feeling too tight and weary to hold back the maddening beating of his heart.

«Can’t you tell?» he exhales, slightly getting brave and pushing himself between your legs. His cock is half hard, you feel it against your trousers and god, does it do things to you. You wish you would be home already.

«Not really» you bluffer. He scoffs, the air coming out of his nose fans your face.

His hands grab the flesh of your thighs, his cheeks are still painted of a fair shade or red.

«Want you close» he hums. With you, it’s always like this, always the need of being closer. You fill all his senses, all the space, every inch of him until all he can do is crave and yearn and lose himself, trying to keep his mind lucid with little might. 

«We’re quite close» you smile. He whines and closes his eyes, so annoying. 

«Let’s just go back» he mumbles, skin burning and chest divided in two between giving up on his shyness and just tell you he wants to bury himself deep inside you and feel every inch of your skin and open the door to the outside world. 

«Please? I want to hear you say it» you mewl. Your tone makes his inner battle pointless, his digits dig into you.

«Wanna be inside you,» he breathes «feel you so close» 

It’s all you need to hear. Your lips touch his, soft petals parting for you without even having to ask for permission, totally giving up on his rationality. You hum in his mouth and smile against him and Jungkook feels himself growing harder already, you do things to him that make him bewildered. How you manage to get him hard just by doing nothing is a mystery that he doesn’t want to answer, not when you don’t mind at least. And you don’t seem to do so, cause your hand is cupping him through his trousers, and fuck, he gets as hard as a rock. The whine that he lets out in your mouth makes you just as desperate as he is, and when he ruts his hips against your hand you know that there’s no going back.

«Please» he begs. Your hands move fast, almost as if you didn’t have time to lose, cause you really don’t have it. Unbuckling his belt and then opening the button and the fly of his jeans, he watches you as your attention shifts on the garment, your lips pouty and focused and eyes fixed on your task, he really believes that he might die just from the sight of you. So beautiful, so pretty, so his. Fucking his. The thought makes him bite his lips harshly, hips stuttering against your hands. You hum a soft titter, let your eyes travel to his.

«Give me a second» you smile, pecking his lips sweetly. He nods with his mind empty, totally entranced by the feeling of your fingers linking around the band of his boxers and pushing the fabric down with his jeans, the cloths follow the curve of his hips without you even having to focus on it too much. They stay midway on his thighs and he’s already grabbing you by the back of your thighs, carefully raising you on the counter.

«Take ‘em off» he huffs. His strength makes you quiver as you unbutton your sailor pants, your heels tracing the back of his legs as you move. He holds back a moan when your hand bumps against his cockhead while you lower your zip, puts you back on the counter after you lower them a bit on your back, the position too uncomfortable to take them off. He helps you lower them on your thighs until they eventually fall on your ankles, the wide cut leg not helpful at all. And god have mercy, fuck, when he sees your panties the grunt that comes out of his throat makes you shiver, the red lace unbearable to his sanity. 

«Shit, I love them» he breathes. Your snort makes him giggle lightly and his eyes move from them to your face and then back to the material between your thighs.

«Really?» you coo. He nods fervently, lets his hand slide between your legs to cup your core from your panties, hissing through his teeth at the contact.

«Fuck, yes. I love them. I love you, you’re perfect» his sentences are rushed, he sounds almost childish before he kisses you with need, his lips against you as his other limb comes to the side of you to balance his weight while he slightly pushes you backwards. 

«Mine, mine. All mine» he wheezes. There’s the glittery glow of a feeling inside you that squeezes its presence around your clenching heart, heavy but fluttering it makes you nod with all your belief as you feel his fingers push your panties to the side. His thumb brushes against your clit and all you can do is bite your lips and try as much as you can not to moan, your arms wrapping behind his neck. Jungkook smiles, kisses you more. 

«Want you, please» you beg. He wouldn’t decline you even in another life and his cock is too hard to even think about it, it’s twitching and leaking precum and all he wants to do is mix it with your juices and make you feel good, feel you close and wrapped around him.

«Please, inside»

«Open your legs a bit» he instructs, eyes soft as he watches you do so. He lays his forehead against yours, holds his cock from the base as he pushes himself between your thighs and guides it to your entrance. His cockhead slides between your pussy lips and he can’t hold back, moans out loud and throws his head back at your softness, your juices covering him. Every time, every fucking time you make him feel helpless. You kiss the column of his neck, lower your hands on his asscheeks, squeeze his skin in your palms. 

«We need to be quiet» you whisper. He knows. Fuck, he knows but it’s too much. He doesn’t think he can do it, you’re too perfect, too good to him. He huffs a breath and looks at you, cheeks a bit reddish.

«Sorry, feels too good» he keens. Your beam makes him smile and he gets back to his ministrations with his lips getting bitten by his teeth, eyes on your face that make you want to lose your calm as he repeats to himself that he needs to stay quiet. His cock is heavy, throbbing against you and practically begging for your walls to squeeze him tight and you can’t wait to feel him closer, feel his skin against yours and his breath rough. Even as he digs into you your eyes stay on his face, his pupils into yours. 

It’s so saccharine that you feel like all the world is made of stars, of his essence, his comfort. He fills you up so good, the stretch slightly uncomfortable but always so ravishing inside you, you can feel every movement, every throb of him and your walls are so eager that they instantly tighten around him and his brain shuts down.

«Baby, if you do that- I don’t think I… shit, too good» he mewls. You take off one of  your heels with the help of the tip of your other shoe, the right one following right after. Your pants slip totally down now without the support of the shoes holding their cloth from underneath, they land in front of Jungkook’s feet and you dig your calves in the back of his legs, too eager to have him closer, your arms on his back make his chest weigh over yours until he’s as linked to you as he can, breasts pressing against him.

«God, shit. I love you» the way he blurts it out makes your breath halt, your heart flutters and shakes at the same time. He watches your lips turning into a beam, your neediness reaching peaks you didn’t think were possible. 

He moves inside you, his waist ruts against yours in little movements almost as if to part from the warmth you’re providing him would be a crime, his arms holding you up from behind your back and your shoulder blade. The position is new, the pleasure skyrocketing in such little time that the both of you are panting in quiet breaths in a matter of seconds. Having him so close supporting you as he moves slowly, his eyes on your face as you moan silently, his breath  uneven, the pleasure taking over his features, it feels like safeness. Like a shelter from the world, a new pot to grow your roots in, to bloom flowers and plant new seeds, protected and shielded by his arms and the way his fingers dig into your skin and write silent promises that only you and him can read.

«I love you too» you let out. Jungkook kisses you again, he pushes you more towards the edge of the sink with his hands and goes back to properly holding you up, lips brushing against you as he pushes inside you. The new found closeness makes you even more eager, your hands digging deeper into his asscheeks. 

«So good, feels so good» you whisper. 

«Yeah? Like this? You like it like this?» he puffs out. Your walls engulf him so good that he feels all of his might crumble, his breath ragged as he ruts inside you. You nod breathless, throwing your head back. 

Jungkook looks at your face from the mirror and even though he can’t see it all, it makes him ache more, longing for you even though you’re all for him already. It turns him crazy, overwhelmed every time, never enough. 

«So good, yes. I love it» you whine under your breath. The sounds are muffled, the only things hearable your breaths and the wet sounds coming from his cock filling you up and his balls slapping against your ass, moans soft and as quiet as possible. Jungkook drowns every second more into you, it can’t be stopped and all he can do is be honest with it and let your love take over him even as he pounds softly into you in the bathroom. Where you are doesn’t change it; what you’re doing, the way he loves you, how much he wishes he could melt into you and mix in every way possible. You test his limits, pull him along, ruin him in every way possible, it’s sweet and consuming and he only wants to have more, his hand warm as he cups your cheek and kisses you deeper, only for you. 

«Fuck. Are you really mine? All mine, only for me» he whispers. His words send you on the edge, walls pulsating around him, way too much pleasure filling up every nerve of your body.

«I promise. Only you, Jungkook» you dig your face in the crook of his neck, pressing your lips into his skin and trying to hold back your sounds for as much as you can. His movements make you bounce a little, the air seems to get thicker and heavier and the feeling of being so close pushes you over the edge, the thought of needing each other so desperately that you actually find yourself in this type of situation makes you dizzy and weak, so much that you contract around him and cum in spasms. Your body trembles as he whines out loud not able to hold back, his cum bursting out of his cock as his hand cups the back of your head and fumbles with your hair. The amount of cum he leaks seems to be unstoppable, so much that for a second he fears that it will spill out of you and spoil the sink even while he’s still on his high, his knees wobbly and his chest heavy as he holds you so tight that you feel the beat of his heart against yours. 

He stays silent, listens to your breaths uneven and feels the way your walls clench from time to time, his cock buried inside you still half hard. Jungkook doesn’t know what to do with himself and what he’s feeling, these emotions are too much to handle, but all he knows is that the closer he gets the closer he wants to be. So he keeps you close, just like he always did for all these years but with a new intimacy in which you both linger in, totally fragile and exposed for each other. Only when his fingers trace the back of your neck you realise that your cheeks are stained with tears, eyes burning as you open them again. 

You love him, you wish there was a better word to describe it but it hasn’t been invented yet, you think there will never be one strong and heavy enough to describe what you feel for this man, your best friend and finally, your lover. You love him so deeply and without conjectures and presumptions, you love him behind words, behind actions, you just love him. So much that it’s hard to control it, you wonder how the hell didn’t you notice, how couldn’t you realise that for all these years this was already there. How is it possible, to be so blind? To have love in your pot, soul, water, roots intertwined and feel support deep in every single part of your leaves but not realise that it’s just because there’s him keeping you up with his.

«Baby» he calls, his hand strokes your back as you sniff, your nose digs into the skin of his neck. Panic takes over him, heart beating loudly and fear filling up his eyes. 

«Did I- god, did I hurt you? I’m so- fuck, I didn’t notice, I’m so sor-»

«No» you shake your head slightly, your hands hugging his back tight. 

«Nothing happened, I’m sorry» you kiss his skin.

«Just feeling overwhelmed. Keep hugging me?» you snuffle. His heart throbs, arms immediately wrapping tighter around you as the fright in his chest summers down. He breathes in your scent, massages your back, kisses your shoulders and the skin of your neck he manages to reach.

«I got you» he strokes your hair.

«I always got you» he promises. The words make you inhale deeply, your chest is on the verge of exploding but the tears on your cheeks are drying. He keeps you so close that at some point you find it hard to picture you standing to leave the bathroom, craving for his warmth even though you haven’t left it yet. 

«I love you» he rustles. You nod.

«I love you too. A fucking lot» 

It makes him guffaw and it’s so hearty and free that your heart feels like it’s getting washed and made brand new only to reach a new peak in loving him, more than before. 

His chest rumbles against yours, your giggles filling up the air too. You wonder if your friends are waiting for you, asking themselves where the hell did you go, why would you vanish away like that, if they heard anything; still, it’s too good to let go yet. Even when Jungkook places his hands on your shoulders and lightly tugs you to look you in the eyes, even when he brushes a strand away from your face, even if the overwhelming feeling summered down a little, even if he smiles at you and your chest feels lighter. 

«What do you feel?» he asks. 

«Love» it’s the only thing that comes to your mind.

«I feel love, all over and all inside and it’s overwhelming but so good. I love it, I love you» you rant. His cheeks fill up, cheekbones high and eyes made of stars. 

«I feel better,» you let him know «I think we can go?»

«Let’s get cleaned up and eat, wanna cuddle when we go home» he hums. You shake your head yes, Jungkook pecks your lips but doesn’t budge when you rest your hands on his hips.

«Koo, we need to go» you smile amused. 

«Sorry, feels good being inside you» he sighs. He guides his cock out of you, takes a good look at your pussy before closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, his chest swells up and you can’t hold back your laughter.

«That good?» 

«More than you can imagine» he laughs. 

You’re about to jump down from the sink to get a tissue when he stops you by placing his hands at your sides.

«Let me do it?» he quietly chimes. You nod shyly, the action new. Of all the times you had sex, this never happened most probably because after coming down from your highs all you did was lay just a bunch of minutes on his chest, running away the seconds right after cause it was too intimate to stay more. He didn’t get the chance to bask in these moments fully, take care of you in the way he craved for, in the way he wanted. Last night too, you were too spent to even think about washing, when he woke you up at three am feeling needy it was pretty much just the same. But now, now that he gets to do it, it makes your cheeks burn. It’s so intimate and chaste and when he lowers with the paper between his fingers all you can do is look at his expression focused, his lips pouting and eyebrows cocked, his other hand resting on your thigh. The tissue dries your juices and his, he watches as the last drop of his cum leaks out from your entrance and for a moment all he wants to do is wipe it with his finger and lead it to your mouth but he restrains himself and absorbs it with the paper instead. 

«Gonna wash you clean when we get home» he hums. You shake your head, feeling slightly tipsy with him. 

«Let’s go?» you ask. He raises up, cleans himself with another tissue as best as he can and puts his boxers back in place with his jeans, he does the same with your panties and your sailor pants, helps you zip them up and close the button when you finally stand. When you put your heels back on he lays a kiss on the crown of your head and takes you by the hand, all smiley and as soft as a cloud. He doesn’t expect you to leave his hand when he opens the door of the bathroom.

«Wait a bit?» you coo. He stands still, blinks at your face taken aback. He just nods, and a second later you’re turning around the corner.

Your friends are all over the place, Hyunjoo and Yoongi laughing with Eunji, Jimin and Taehyung drinking on the sofa and apparently not a sight of the food on the table yet.

«Dinner?» you ask. Jin’s eyes widen.

«Yah! Where were you?» he exclaims, patting your shoulder. You shrug.

«Went to the bathroom, my stomach hurt»

«Oh, did you eat well at lunch?» 

You’re about to answer him but a second later your attention gets taken by your friend on the couch.

«Jungkookah!» Taehyung yells, eyes on the younger man as he strolls into the living room.

«Where have you been?»

«Bathroom» he simply mumbles. Jin’s eyes widen by your side, lips sealed shut after he licks them and tries to hide a smile. You’re two idiots, could’ve at least make up something before coming out. Nevertheless, he pretends that he didn’t hear anything.

Your cheeks burn and suddenly you want to dig a hole and hide yourself in it.

«The delivery is running late» he informs you. You don’t really know what to do with the information, especially when your eyes meet Jungkook’s and he shies away sitting on the couch and turning to Taehyung.

The ride home is short, the traffic not a burden anymore and the music filling up the car light, your window open and the soft breeze tickles your skin just in the right way. Jungkook looks at you from time to time, a beam lighting up his features. Despite the fact that he felt a little disappointed before when you let go of his hand and acted like nothing happened between you at all for the whole time you were at your friends’ place, he doesn’t talk about it. It’s all new, fresh and you both need time to adjust to each other, he guesses. Especially with other people around. It was enough when you talked in the bathroom before. He just hopes that he will get the chance to show you affection in public too, in general. Being like you were before you faced your feelings for each other is beautiful, it makes him realise that what you have is deeper than what it seems, but he still wishes he could act like the person who loves you. 

So for now, he thinks he just wants to face what matters the most; what happens with closed doors, the things only him and you know. 

His hand caresses your thigh as he enters the parking lot, a cheeky bunny smile spreads on his lips.

«You still want to cuddle?» 

Your answer isn’t one of those that simply are made of words. No, you have to wrap your fist around his heart and make it stop beating, just to make it go crazy when it starts again. You bend over, lips smacking against his cheek loudly, the kiss one of those that usually little kids would give to their parents, playful and childish enough to turn him into a puddle. Jungkook stops the car as he’s about to park, turns around and stares you with his eyes wide open as if you had three heads. The unsettlement in his features slowly changes into realisation and then into mischief, until he huffs and decides to finish his initial ministration. He parks the car, turns down the engine, stays still and silent on his seat. Just as you’re about to open the car door, he squeezes your cheeks with his hand and smacks his lips on yours, his thumb and the rest of his fingers dig into your skin as he keeps his mouth on yours in a never ending peck. At some point your cheeks hurt with his hold and the smile trying to take over your features, until he finally lets go and breathes out the biggest “mwah” you’ve ever heard. You snort at him, make your way out of the car as he stares at you. There are just some things that never change, he thinks. 

The whole situation reminds him of when you first started to live together, that time that he was playing on his phone and you came in the way, made him lose the game just because you wanted to make ponytails with his hair, took a photo right after that still lives in your phone and told him he was cute as hell, just to leave him bewildered and alone back on the couch, still with his hair full of pinkish hair ties and his heart pounding for the compliment, the words game over on his screen perfect for describing the situation. 

«Are you coming?» you knock on his window. He wonders when will you stop looking this cute as hell, but he guesses that all he has to do is give up and fall in love with you every second more. 

Loving Jungkook comes naturally. It’s always been inside you, from the moment you met him to the moment that you realised it, in every move and action. It’s just, it’s still new. It’s fresh, and it’s weird to finally face it and bare your emotions, it’s thrilling and the rush in your veins every time you meet his eyes makes your breath stop. It’s beautiful, but it’s a bit frightening too.

You love him, god if you do. You love him with every cell of your body, you love every single fiber of him, every inch of skin, every breathtaking flaw and every curve of his soul. Getting used to it though, it’s a total different thing. He’s still your best friend, the one that you grew up with in all these years, the one that you used to tease and argue with, probably the person that you got mad with more than anyone else and the safe place that always got you in every situation, the one that reassured you when things were hard, that hugged you when some nights were too hard to bare on your own. 

And for some reason, it’s scary. Not in a dreadful way, it’s not your feelings, it’s just… you guess it’s just the whole situation. Getting to realise that now he has that space in you, that hold on your heart, that space in your life. 

«Are you going to shower?» he beams from the door, locking it shut as you take your shoes off and leave them before the stair in the entrance. You nod, feet already walking mindlessly as he does the same with his shoes. 

«Wait for me?» he mumbles, voice low and hopeful. You stop in your trucks, turning to look at him you find him munching on the inside of his lips, a habit that always made your eyes stare a bit too much. He notices, how your shoulders hang low and your eyes look away, crawling to find an escape. It makes him gulp nervously and shake his head slow. 

«Nevermind,» he breathes «I’ll shower too, do you want to- cuddle on the couch?» 

«Couch» you quietly nod. He does the same, smiling at you to let you know that don’t worry, I’ll wait if that’s what you need.

He doesn’t say it though, and he hopes that the words written in his glittery eyes are enough clear for you to catch them and make them yours. He watches you turn the corner, steps velvety on the floor and the sound of your bedroom door closing. 

He knows how upsetting it can be, to face something this big. Not upsetting in a way that makes you want to go back to where you stepped before, at least that was only for him cause he was sure as hell that you didn’t feel the same for him, but upsetting because it’s just a new space, a new realisation. So he knows, he knows that you need a bit of time cause he knows you. He knows that you adjust well in every situation, you’re pretty flexible with yourself most of the time. You adjust just good in new places, new apartments just like when you moved in together, adjust well with new people most of the time, if they’re good people. But this is something else, this is about your relationship, the shift in the air. And even though you feel attraction for each other, love deep and hard, he knows that you need to move at your pace. It was the same when you moved in, adjusting to the house itself and his presence was easy, the process of adjusting to the consequences of it a bit slower. All he can do is show you that he’s still going to be here, with his arms open wide for you and his caring eyes, just like it was before, proving that even though things changed, they really didn’t; there’s still coziness in the air, he’s still the same as before just like you. 

He showers, waits for you on the couch, makes sure that you have a bowl full of popcorns on the table and something to drink. When you come into the living room, his face lights up. You look ethereal, with your hair still a bit wet and your eyes full of sparks almost as if the shower you just had brought you back to life, even in your pyjamas you look like the most beautiful woman he ever laid his eyes on. 

«Do we have snacks?» you chime. He nods, points at the table. Your beam spurs him on, makes him feel like he just did the best thing ever. And he loves it, totally. His arms open beckoning you to him and when you launch yourself in them all he can do is laugh heartily and wrap them tightly around you. 

The night feels blissful with his arms around you, your limbs getting entangled the more time passes. You end up talking through the movie he picked, not really showing that much of interest even though it’s pretty eventful. The way he lets you lay on top of him makes you feel safe and cozy, your back against his chest and his back on the pillow of the sofa, one of his legs bent over yours and his arms keeping you warm. 

You end up falling asleep, wake up the day after in your bed, a note on your nightstand.

"You passed out from sleep last night, so I took you to bed. I didn’t know if you wanted to sleep in mine, so I figured it was better to take you to yours. I came in to say good morning but you were sleeping so cutely that I didn’t want to wake you. Aish, why are you so cute?- a laughter bursts out of your chest- I’m going to work, probably will be home around seven. I love you :D"

Good morning, you tell yourself. It’s going to be a beautiful day.

The week passes quickly, work hasn’t been too stressful beside for Monday and all you want to do tonight is come back home and just relax. At lunchtime you’re already wishing you could open the door of your house and just throw yourself on the couch with all your might, but apparently life doesn’t work that way. Your phone lights up, your father’s picture takes up all your screen and something inside you makes your senses tingle as if it was a fifth sense.

«Appa!» you call. His laughter fills up your ears.

«Oh, my baby! Are you eating well these days?» his Busan accent is thick, totally differing from yours now. It was hard to get rid of it when you came to Seoul, it was hard for Jungkook too. You smile widely, a feeling of melancholy invading your chest. 

«Yes! Actually too well, appa. I eat too much these days» you chuckle.

«How is eomma doing?»

Your father grunts: «Oh, she’s fine, always looking for something to fight me with! We argued five minutes ago but she’s singing in the kitchen as if nothing happened, I’m the only one upset» he rants.

«What went through my mind when I proposed? Aish, this woman»

His tone makes you laugh, the dynamics have always been like this in your family. Your mother is sweet, caring, but god, is she feisty. Your father is always been the calmer one, the rational one between them, saying sorry when it was needed and talking to her when she wouldn’t listen. Her personality is a lot to handle, but if you manage to find your way with her she will give you your world and even the things she doesn’t have. 

«Why did you fight?» you wonder. He huffs annoyed.

«Nothing big! I forgot the light on in the living room when I went to pee!» he laughs at the silly argument.

«She scolded me for fifteen minutes!»

«God, she’s something else» you chuckle.

Your father makes noises of agreement, hums at your words and laughs at the high note coming from the corner of the kitchen, your mother definitely isn’t a singer.

«Do you want to come for the weekend? It’s been so long since we spent some time together. I miss you» he sweetens his voice, trying to get into your heart, and here it is, what you sensed before. His invitation makes you smile and nod, even though you’re tired and craving for your couch from this morning. It’s been definitely more than three months since the last time you visited your hometown and your parents. It’s not that you don’t want to go, actually you find yourself being homesick from time to time. It’s just been pretty eventful, with everything that happened. With Jungkook, work being a pain in the ass as always. Plus, a four hours drive isn’t really that appealing, riding the train for that long neither when you know that you will be able to stay just for a little amount of time. You guess you could do that, since you really miss them and work hasn’t been that hectic this week. You have some energy to spare after having a good sleep, even for your mom’s questions. 

«Jungkook? How is he? He can come too! We can grill samgyeopsal» he exclaims excited. It’s nothing new, your father is crazy for him and your mom just shows an inch of sanity more, but it’s pretty much just the same, she hides it well. The last time that you visited together was almost eight months ago and every time you went afterwards they asked you why you didn’t bring him with you, so you guess that you could ask him.

«Oh, he’s good. He wouldn’t turn down samgyeopsal. Not in his right mind at least» you joke. 

«Ah, great! Your mom started preparing for kimjang, it’s fermenting so we’ll have kimchi too! Aigoo, I’m hungry. Yeobo!» he yells to your mother still with the phone on his ear, grimacing you part from it. 

«How much until we eat?» 

You hear your mother scolding your father and telling him to help her in the kitchen, calling him lazy ass. It makes you chuckle but silently, knowing that your father will act all lamentable.

«I’m talking to our daughter!» he yells back. 

You don’t really understand what’s happening, weird noises making their way though the microphone until your mom’s voice comes in the way.

«Aigoo, my baby! When are you coming to visit?»

«Eomma! Tomorrow I think, I’m going to call you again to let you know» you smile.

«Bring Jungkook!» she chimes. You roll your eyes.

«I’ll talk to him,» you answer «where is dad?»

«Oh, I kicked him in the ass. He has to get up and help me, he’s always sitting on the sofa» she wails.

«I will go cooking, but come tomorrow okay?» 

«Yes, eomma» you make sure to nod even though she can’t see you. She says her goodbyes and a second later the call is over, you already picture your dad’s face with a scowl as she looks at him with his phone in her hands. 

The air in Busan feels different, more fresh and fragrant, the pollution level is lower and the fine dust is less, so you breathe in and gladly take off your mask. Jungkook stands behind you with his still on his face and a beanie on his head, entirely dressed in black. His hair are getting longer and you can’t help but swoon over him a bit. 

When you told him your parents invited you home yesterday, his eyes lit up and he asked to come before you could even tell him they invited him, so it’s to no use to say that when you mentioned samgyeopsal all he did was fist the air and hum already licking his lips. Sometimes you wonder if he likes you more than meat, but you guess that he does, otherwise he would be running inside your parents’ house already at the smell coming out from the open windows.

«Aigoo, they started grilling already» he whines. 

«I told them we were about to arrive» you hum. His arm comes around your shoulder, the wide bag he brought hanging from the other side of his body. Jungkook feels happy. He loves your parents just the same as they love him, calls them mom and dad, receives their calls from time to time, when you still used to live in Busan and he would come to your place to hang out he used to have long talks with your dad and laugh about silly things. He feels joyful, ready to spend a good weekend and to enjoy the hometown that he missed so much. His family is in Japan at the moment so it’s crystal clear that your father will keep him occupied for the whole weekend, more than happy to do so. He wondered if he should be sleeping in his parent’s house yesterday but when you answered him no as if it was obvious he felt even more cheerful. You wouldn’t say that your parents are wealthy because they aren’t, but the house is big and has four bedrooms, the price was extremely low when they bought it, plus he used to sleep here practically two to three times a week when you were younger, you know that your parents don’t mind it at all. 

«My baby!» your dad’s face peeks out of the window and he yells from the kitchen with his eyes full of excitement. A bunch of seconds later he’s opening the front door and running towards you.

«Aigoo, my daughter is here!» 

«Appa, don’t scream!» you laugh as he engulfs you in one of his bear hugs. Jungkook lets go of his hold on you and watches the scene in front of him, a new wave of happiness invading his body. He bows politely to your father when he parts from you, the older man laughing at him and  wrapping his arms tightly around his figure. He stays there, with his face on his shoulder and his hand on his back, gladly taking his affection and hugging him back, eyes sparkly and cheeks full.

«I want a hug too!» your mother comes out, hair disheveled and a kitchen apron covering her cloths. She runs to you with all her speed, for a second you fear that she’ll stumble and fall over but her body is still strong and she’s still the baddest of the baddest. She pulls you to her and you feel at home, suddenly relaxed. She might be the most annoying person on the planet, but she’s the person that loves you more too. 

You guess that after you comes Jungkook, cause as soon as she hears his laughter she pats his shoulder and pulls him to her with you still in her arms, your dad having to let go of him, she squeezes the both of you and kisses both of your heads.

«Aigoo, I missed my babies so much» she wails. Jungkook snorts and let’s her do her thing, his eyes meeting yours as he smiles tenderly.

«How are your parents? Your mother called me yesterday, Japan must be fun!»

«Oh, they’re having fun» he giggles.

When you go in you don’t spend time in strolling around and place your bags in your room. The forniture is still the same, the space not that big but not small either, a poster of your favorite girl group when you were younger on the door of your wardrobe. Jungkook stops in front of the door with his bag hanging down from his hip, takes a look around with a dreamy smile on his lips.

«I missed here so much» he munches on the inside of his cheek.

«How are you feeling?» 

His hand reaches your shoulder, he squeezes it as he stands by your side.

«Good,» you hum «happy»

He doesn’t expect you to do anything, but when you wrap your arms around his waist and look at him from down his happiness reaches its peak and he finds himself spiraling.

«Are you?» 

Fuck, yes he is. A lot, a fucking lot. He missed his hometown, missed your parents, missed the warmth of the air, missed your memories together. To be here, when your relationship took such a turn makes him look back to everything, from the moment he met you and laid his eyes on you to where you are now, when you moved in together, when you used to spend your afternoons in your bedroom just because you wanted to hang out with each other, when you used to sing your hearts out to his favorite songs, every time you would end up staying up until three in the morning watching animations, all the crazy things you did together and the softest ones too. 

«Do you remember when I came in from the window cause your parents were sleeping?» he laughs already at the thought.

«You’re so dumb, woke ‘em up anyway» you shake your head.

«They even got mad. They said it looked like you were trying to rob the house»

«Your dad got mad. He probably thought we were going to sleep together» 

«It doesn’t make sense, you were here every day» you chuckle.

«They never let me sleep in your room at night» he mumbles smiley. 

«It would’ve happened anyway if that was the case» you squeeze his hip.

«Isn’t it?» he faces you with a cheeky grin.

«It wasn’t,» you shake your head and poke your tongue out at him «and we’re not just sleeping together»

«We aren’t,» he smiles more «you love me» he huffs with his eyes in a haze. The feeling you see in them it’s perfectly clear and it’s the same that makes you soften your stance.

«Tell me» he hums, voice velvety.

You seal your lips shut just to tease him and he thumps his foot on the floor, eyebrows furrowing and lips pushed forward in a pout. 

«Please?»

«I love you» 

«You- oh?» he really didn’t expect for you to give up so easily. 

«I do,» you smack his ass «now get your bags here» 

«Oh?» he doesn’t know if he should be teasing you for the way your hands still lingers on his ass or ask you what you’re talking about.

«Your bags,» you puff out «you left the other one in the car»

«Yes- yes, here like- here? In your room?» 

«If you want to?» you smile.

«Do I- like, sleep here? With you?» he asks.

This week you didn’t sleep together, he gave you the space you needed to get used to the new situation, you cuddled in his bed more than once, stayed on the couch until late, but you didn’t spend the night in his bed and neither did he in yours. 

«If you want it too» you mumble. He blinks, face empty. And then he beams, his bunny teeth showing and punching you right in the guts. 

«But- your parents» he murmurs. He doesn’t know if he should bring this up to remind you that you’re not home or if it would be better to just stay silent and play coy.

«They don’t need to know» you hug him tighter, cheek pressed to his hard chest and eyes on him, looking like the cutest being that ever walked on Earth. If looks could kill, god, this would be around one of his thousandths of lives.

«I want to sleep with you, for tonight» you plead.

Jungkook pucks his lips.

«I’ll get the bag» he peals, eyebrows up and jaw cocked up, looking satisfied and so endearingly exuberant.

Samgyeopsal is life, that’s one of the few things that both you and Jungkook agree on. Especially when it’s soft and almost melts in your mouth, still hot and accompanied by kimchi and wrapped in a leaf of lettuce. It makes the man beside you moan and close his eyes, pretty much the same as your reaction as you dip another piece into the sauce. 

«Are you feeding my daughter? She looks skinnier» your dad munches on his food, cheeks full and eyes on Jungkook. 

«Appa, I’m eating well, don’t worry» you shake your head.

«And I’m able to feed myself on my own»

The man snorts at your attitude, your mom nodding.

«I know, but it’s nice to know that there’s someone who takes care of you» 

Jungkook shifts in his seat, his smile stretching. 

«I take good care of her» he nods proudly. 

«We ate bibimbap yesterday» 

«I cooked that» you chip in, chopstick pointing at him. 

«I helped you,» he scoffs «and I make sure you have food when you come home later than me» 

«He does,» you nod «don’t worry» you look at your dad. The man gulps down, his eyes move from Jungkook’s to yours and he tilts his head slightly, a second later he’s eating again.

«Are you going out for dinner? Or do you want me to cook something in particular?» your mom butts in as she grabs another piece of meat and puts it in your dish.

«Oh, we don’t know yet,» you look at Jungkook «do you want to go out?»

«Do you?» he asks back.

«Not really»

«We can help her cook then» he tilts his head towards the woman sitting in front of you. She scoffs, grabbing the meat and wrapping it in the lettuce, her hand directed to Jungkook’s face. He stays still with his eyebrows cooked and his eyes a little bigger than usual, tongue between his teeth and lips closed.

«Open up» she orders. 

«Eomma!» you scold. The woman snorts through her teeth, the sound guttural and lamenting.

«I used to feed him when he was younger, can’t I do it now?»  she wails.

«Yah, you’re really something. Leave him alone!» your father lightly smacks her forearm and her eyes shoot bullets to his face.

«I-» Jungkook isn’t even able to start his sentence, your mom bickers back to your father.

«I’m just feeding him!» 

«Should I come in in a bit?» Jungkook whispers at your ear as you’re about to leave the living room. Your parents are happily playing cards on the carpet, no silly little squabble in sight until now, the air is light and the sky is dark. You guess that yes, it would be better, so you nod at him. He fights the urge to kiss your cheek, just smiles at you as you get up from the couch.

«I’m feeling sleepy, I think I’ll go to bed» you announce. Your mother hums at you, lifting her hand in the air in a muted request to wait as she chooses her next move with the cards. Your father looks at Jungkook.

«Do you want to play?» he asks. The man on the sofa declines quietly, a polite smile on his face. 

«I’m a bit tired too, actually» he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. 

«I’ll pass for tonight. Tomorrow?»

Your mom puts her card down, your father’s face lights up as he throws his card on the table.

«I won!» he cheers as he laughs at your mother’s face. She snorts and let’s her head fall backwards, her mouth shut.

«I’m going to win tomorrow too, get ready Jungkook!» 

«We’ll see» he titters. 

«Eomma, I’m going» you remind her. The woman gets up with her face still annoyed by your dad’s victory, she stumbles on her legs as she’s been sitting on the ground for almost three hours now, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your cheek. Jungkook feels his chest swell up with happiness, the feeling bittersweet. The scene reminds him of your younger selves, your parents saying goodbye when you left for Seoul. 

«Sleep well» she chimes, patting you on your back. Your father comes too, gives you a peck on the crown of your head.

«See you tomorrow» he smiles. You wait for them to part from you before you make your way out of the living room, Jungkook’s eyes following you out of the corner. 

He waits for you to close the door of your bedroom, gets himself a glass of water, watches your parents start another round with their game, listens to your father’s story about that time that a taxi driver stole him 20,000 won. Then, he decides to stand up. 

«I’ll go too» he says. Your father nods, gets up again to pat his shoulder.

«I’ll kick your ass tomorrow» he promises. The bunny smile on Jungkook’s lips makes him pinch his cheek as he always did when he was younger, endeared by his cuteness even though he’s a full grown up man now, then goes back to his sit.

«Sleep well» your mom wishes. He nods and waves goodbye.

The path to your bedroom is silent, it only lasts a bunch of seconds but by the time he knocks at your door he’s all smiley and excited in a way that makes his heart flutter with peace and happiness. You tell him to come in, voice muffled. The handle lowers and his eyes peek into the dark room, the light on your nightstand the only thing keeping the ambience clear at least a bit, your lashes flutter from under the sheets and all he wants to do is throw himself into your bed and dive into your arms until tomorrow comes. 

«You’re sleepy for real?» he giggles. You watch him get closer and stand by the bed, he stares down at you and you reach your arms out to him. His smile is contagious, a harmonious laughter erupting from his chest as he kneels by the side of the bed, figure bent over to hide into the softness of the sheets and your arms around him. 

«I have to wash,» he keens «will you wait up? Don’t wanna sleep so soon when I’m in bed with you» he mumbles against you. You let out a content sigh.

«Go shower,» you smack his ass lightly «I’ll wait up. Be fast, please?» 

He pecks your lips quickly, his excitement throbbing out of every pore of his body. The gesture surprises you, your lips were far from his for the whole day even though you spent all the time together, so you feel a little love drunk.

«Thank you» 

He low-spiritedly parts from you, getting back on his feet and strolling out of your bedroom to go and take a shower.

When he comes back ten minutes later his hair are a little dump, his skin glowing by the nightlight and you find your breath getting stuck in your chest. You lift the sheets, invite him in without saying a word. Jungkook lays on his side, looks at you silently as if you were the most beautiful star painting the sky tonight. 

«How are you feeling?» he lowly asks. You dig your head deeper into your pillow.

«Good, I told you» you hum, getting closer to the warmth of his body. His heart sinks in his rib cage, arms hitching to hold you just as you wrap yours around his torso. Jungkook takes in the way you smell, how the perfume of your body wash is so sweet but not too strong, the way your hair seem to dance on your pillow cause the reflection of the light changes when he shifts to get closer to you. 

«I feel good too» he sighs happily.

«It feels so good to be here like this» his fingertips trace the curve of your hip, tickling your skin and making you shiver just the slightest. You hide your face in his chest.

«Did you miss it a lot?» you question.

«Sometimes,» he shrugs «we have a lot of memories here»

«We do,» you nod, look at him when one of them strikes through your mind «do you remember when you tried to prank me? You scared the shit out of me»

His laughter is so loud that you’re afraid he’s going to be heard by your parents, head falling back on the pillow and eyes shut.

«That was so funny. The face you made when you realised it was me, I-»

«I swear if you ever do that again I’m going to punch you» you shake your head, but the memory is sweet inside you. 

You were tired, worn out from your first days at your first job, sad cause you felt like you didn’t measure up. The dumbass decided to help you with your mood but apparently he and Jimin where too into it and didn’t think about the consequences of their actions. They came in before you thanks to your parents loving Jungkook way too much and waited for you in your bedroom with the lights off for almost thirty minutes. Jimin ended up falling asleep on the bed and Jungkook decided that it was funny enough to steal the gochujang from your kitchen and soul up Jimin’s shirt with it. When you came in Jungkook was sitting behind the door, a very Jungkook thing to do, and when you turned on the light you screamed so loud that your throat was sore the next day, scared to death of the red stain on your friend’s shirt. Jimin woke up, jumped on the bed, Jungkook reveling his presence only in that moment when his laughter was too much to contain. The moment in which you though you had a dead body on your bed transformed into arguing in a matter of seconds, and when you realised that Jimin wasn’t part of it you ended up getting mad at Jungkook, until you realised that he drew a penis on his forehead with the gochujang sauce. You have no freaking idea of how he did that, but somehow it was still there on his forehead and he didn’t know. 

«Some things work only once,» he laughs harder «Jimin’s face was so fucking hilarious the whole time»

«When he realised it got even worse» you can still picture it clearly, how he opened the camera of his phone and widened his eyes just to start laughing with you, his finger coming right up on his skin to get a taste of the sauce. Your Kook shakes his head, kisses your forehead.

«You pranked me too» he murmurs.

«My pranks weren’t that dreadful» 

«No, cause you preferred sticking notes to my ass» he snorts.

«I only did that once,» you raise your forefinger to his face to show him «and it was one note»

«I walked around the school with it» he whines. Citing what your sixteen years old version of you wrote; “I have a cute bum, now stop looking, thanks :D”. 

«I know baby, I’m sorry. It was so funny though» 

The warmth of his body makes you shrink into the mattress. Your eyes close while you dwell into it, the soft pads of his fingers stroking your back, his even breath, the sound of his voice when he speaks, the melody of your heart beating peacefully and steady. Jungkook notices the way your eyelashes flutter, the way you let yourself smile and hug him tighter. 

«Baby» he hums. Silence fills the air for a moment or so, you wait for him to speak but shift in his hold, face looking up at his. He’s smiling tenderly, a little dimple on his cheek accompanies his lopsided beam.

«How are you feeling? Like- I know that you’re happy, but I mean- how? With us?» 

The question makes you stare at him for a bit too much. Your thoughts intertwine and your lips crave for his to make sure that the answer is totally clear, but instead you squeeze him tighter.

«What do you mean?» 

Jungkook caresses your cheek as he speaks, his voice a bit raspy: «It can be hard- to fit into this… new thing? Like, getting to what we had before to this» 

«I’m doing fine,» you smile «sometimes it’s odd, not in a bad way though. It’s just, I feel overwhelmed and… it’s weird to get to have you in this way cause it wasn’t like this for all these years. But I love you» 

Kook munches on his lips, big doe eyes diving in yours as he takes in your answer, the roundness of his cheeks distracts you just for a second because you want to pinch them.

«I feel overwhelmed too,» he squeezes your side «you can’t get used to that» he beams again. It’s like he restores the light to the room, so bright and beautiful that the night sky looks like nothing compared, dazzling. 

«Please don’t get used to that,» his tone is pleading «it’s beautiful and I love it when you feel like that. Makes me feel so loved and I just want to wrap my arms around you and never let go»

Your heart throbs, and you think that you couldn’t even if you tried with all your might. It’s just him, his light, his night skies, his bunny teeth, his big shoulders, the way his skin feels on top of yours, how he has a hold on you that could never stop swivelling, his soul. It’s everything about him and nothing at all that makes you love him with every part of you and even though it’s new and sometimes you don’t know how to face it, it’s him and him and him only that you crave for deep at night, his arms around you and his cute lips when he speaks.

«I’m not trying to get used to that,» you hide your face into his neck, taking in the fragrance of his body wash and how sweet it is «I’m just- I’m getting used to being more, not your best friend» 

Your words make him  pout. He guides his fingers to you, raises your chin and his pupils stare deep into yours.

«You’re still my best friend» he mumbles.

«You will always be, but what we have now…» 

«I know» there’s no need for him to explain. 

«Of course I am. But there’s this too and sometimes I don’t know how to handle it»

Jungkook nods. He loves what you’re doing, how you’re communicating to him, the atmosphere of intimacy in the air. He lets go of you to prop up on his forearm, his hand supporting his face as he stares back down at your eyes, you let yourself lay on your back limp under his sight. His fingers caress the curve of your hip and Jungkook swears that not other woman in his entire lifetime as ever made him this weak, not just physically, emotionally too; so bare, so frail, so vulnerable and ready to take it all at the same time.

«Do you think that it’s going better?» he whispers, totally devoted. You shrink more into the mattress, his eyes feel like reassuring you more than looking for an answer.

«I think it is,» you nod «just slightly» 

He brushes his nose against yours, kissing the tip afterwards.

«Can I do something? Like- to help you?» he stumbles on his words. It’s weird cause a part of him just wishes you could let go and take all he has to give, everything and more and just bask in it, but he knows you. He knows that you have to find your new balance before taking it, he‘s aware that what will come after will be even more hard to handle, for him especially… cause once you’ll find your space he will lose his mind with how much every part of you belongs to him, how much of yourself you’ll give without taking back. It’s always been like this, it was the same even at the beginning of your friendship.

«No, just-» you lick your lips «just sleep with me tonight? I want you close» 

He can’t hold back from kissing your forehead, kiss the vulnerability in your voice away. His fist lifts the covers as he looks at you and smiles, a strand of hair comes in the way of his eyes.

«Come here» he whispers, moving his other hand to pull you closer from your hip. You take in a deep breath, dawdle in the feeling of his fingers as he wraps his arm around you like a few minutes ago, keeps you close until there’s no space left. 

He watches your side profile, admires the curve of your nose and the length of your lashes, the pillowy swell of your lips until he lets himself down on the cushion and his other arm comes around you too, his face in the crook of your neck and his breath on your skin. He hides from the world and just focuses on you, makes sure you feel how much he loves you, how much of him is yours. The soft pecks he lays on your neck make your lashes flutter and you push yourself more to his chest, your shoulder digging into his pecs slightly. He raises swiftly from the mattress, pecks your cheek.

«Open your arm?»

You do as he asks, stretching your arm out and waiting for him to lay down again, when he does you cup the back of his neck with it. Jungkook hums happily, decides to lay on your chest. Your breasts are the perfect pillow and the sound of your heartbeat the most beautiful lullaby, and when he hears it beat louder his smile grows even more. You like it, having him laying on you in this way. It’s sweet, caring, it makes you feel like you’re the one who’s giving love and protection to him, shelter from the world even though you both know that there’s not an ending part that isn’t receiving and giving. Your arm wraps around his back, Jungkook snuggles into you and kisses your clavicle, his leg comes over yours to intertwine them and his fingers caress your stomach as he closes his eyes.

It’s odd, how waking up next to him makes your mood shift from happy to helplessly in love to horny as hell. This man, fuck the things he does to you. You think that it’s not even possible to feel this attracted to someone, scientifically. And this time it’s not your period, hell no, you know it for sure. It’s just Jungkook and his fucking body and the way you love him so desperately. His tattoos coming out from the short sleeve of his shirt, the colours mixing with his skin to create the most breathtaking piece of art, the contrast with the other pale arm wrapped around you. At some point tonight he slipped it under your back and you feel sorry for him when he’s going to wake up because it will most probably be sore after having you on top of it for all this time. He’s still sleeping on your chest, snoring lightly from time to time with his lips coming out and the roundness of his cheeks overwhelming, squashed against you, his hair all over the place.

It’s just, you don’t know what it is, but opening your eyes to him first thing in the morning makes your fingers tingle to touch every inch of him. His broad shoulders make you salivate just at the sight. You shift slowly, trying your best to get out from under him without waking him up but his face is peacefully laying on your chest and of course, he would open his eyes at the movement. Jungkook groans and opens and closes his lips a few times, gulping down the saliva he stored in his mouth while sleeping, vision blurry as he moves and tries to take a look at you. Your eyes are already on him, the light in the room is still dim but he’s not used to it and it’s too bright for his sleepy body. All he can do is narrow his eyes, or close them almost, your face hazy but still so pretty. 

«What time is it?» he mumbles. His voice is low and raspy and somehow it makes you yearn even more.

You take a look at your phone by the nightstand. 

«Seven and ten» 

He whines and hides his face back on your chest, nose digging in the hill of your breast. You shift under him, his arms wrap tighter around you and suddenly your legs are opening and you’re pushing your hips against his thigh. Jungkook’s eyes open, puffy and still sleepy but definitely interested in your current mood.

«What was that?» he grins, first thing in the morning. You don’t know what’s gotten into you, your cheeks burn but all you really want to say is just, fuck it. Instead, you just look away. He scoffs and decides to level himself on his forearm by your side, squeezes your cheeks between his thumb and his fingers to gain your attention.

«Love» he calls. Your heart makes a somersault, your breath stops coming out. 

You whine under him for the hold he has on you with just a single word, his smile grows bigger. 

«What was that?» he asks again, voice soft and airy, a little amused.

«Nothing» you mumble. Jungkook shakes his head, he lays his face back on your body, this time in the crook of your neck. A sweet kiss, his breath on your skin, his eyelashes fluttering against you, his fingers squeezing your hip. 

«Good morning» he mumbles happy. 

«Fuck it,» you huff out «Kook, I’m-» it’s so embarrassing to say out loud «I’m feeling horny»

Jungkook breaks out in a giggle, so soft and cute that you want to hide from the world and listen to it forever, the contrast too deep with what you just revealed. He kisses your neck again but his lips are stretched and they don’t quite connect too well with your skin.

«Horny?» he echoes.

«Don’t make me say it again,» you whine «it’s so embarrassing»

«It’s not,» he sweetly caresses your hair «why?»

«It’s just… don’t know, I’m not used to tell you this type of stuff» he watches as you stare at the wall and try as best as you can not to look at him. He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue, his thigh slowly moves back to where it was and when you feel the muscle slightly push against you you wish you could just combust.

«Get used to it,» he mutters with a big beam stretching on his face «cause I love hearing it» 

«It’s embarrassing» you mewl and cover your eyes with your hand. Jungkook shakes his head, lowers his lips to the side of your ear.

«It’s sexy,» he breathes «did I do that? Did I turn you on?» 

Just the thought makes his cock hard in his boxers. 

«You-» you gulp «yes» 

«Did I? What did I do?» he licks his lips, your hand moves away and your scoop the confidence to look at him just to find him gazing at you already.

«Nothing, just… you» you whisper cause you’re not sure that your voice is going to work right now. You see his shoulder swell as he breathes in deep, telling himself to just don’t lose his mind, the way you make him feel is just… fuck, there’s no word to describe it. 

«Just me?» he smiles, amused. Your little nod makes him clench his jaw. A second later, his lips kiss yours and it’s so fucking sweet and consuming and intimate, sexy at the same time that your body loses its hold on the world and your arms wrap around his neck. You whine on his mouth, his tongue slides inside and all you can do is surrender and let go, give up and let him consume every still working neuron in your brain.

«Do you… want to do something about it?» he hums. You can’t discern if he’s teasing you or if it’s your mind playing tricks on your embarrassment.

«Don’t tease me» you huff. He kisses your chin.

«I’m not. Not in a bad way at least,» he smiles «I’m just- the thought makes me hard» he breathes. You gulp down harshly at the information.

«Can I take care of you? Just- if you don’t want to-»

«Please, do it» your sigh cuts him off. Jungkook raises his eyebrows, stares at you to make sure that you really mean it. The last time you had sex was a week ago, at Taehyung’s house. You needed space to get used to this, even though you didn’t actually say it he understood it perfectly, and he just wants to make sure that you really mean what you’re saying.

«Are you sure?» he hums. You nod surely, squeeze his hip to make sure he understands.

«Really sure?»

«Sure, Jungkook» you dig your head into the pillow.

«Why?»

«It’s just- I want to make sure that you’re comfortable and don’t feel pressured or… I don’t know. I love you, just. Don’t wanna do something that might-»

«Love, yes. Kook, I want you to take care of me. Please? When I woke up, I don’t know… you where wrapped around me and all I could- all I craved for was your touch. I want this, please?» 

His eyes light up. Not because you just told him that you want him, but because you’re showing your vulnerability just for him, your needs, your yearning, your voice is needy and it’s for him to care for and to take care of, for him to respect and adore, worship. And he can’t wait to make you feel good, give you what you want and see you in your bare state. So he kisses you, another time. Deep and sweet, something that says I will take care of you no matter what.

And he does just that, his fingers caress every inch of your skin as they travel down your stomach, he admires the softness and the warmth of you, takes in the way you shiver for him when he reaches your hips, lays little kisses and pecks on every inch of you he manages to grasp, his hair tickle your skin and they make you shrink and shift under him, too excited to stay still. 

The covers get pulled down, he takes them with him as he takes his seat between your legs, bum on his calves and eyes back on your face. The smile he forges stops all your thoughts and suddenly you sit up and cup his cheeks in your hands and kiss him so deep that he moans in your mouth, needy and surprised at the same time.

«I know that I’m- I’m slow and it takes time. I’m sorry. I just- I love you so fucking much, I wanna do things right. In the right way. Wanna love you with every part of me and every second of the day, I just need to get used to the new version of us, but fuck, I love it» you rant against him. Jungkook feels drunk, he’s afraid he’s going to fall and fall and fall and never hit the ground cause for god’s sake, the way you love him kills him in such a sweet way that he never wants to experience the way it would feel without it, ever again. It’s addicting, the worst of drugs, the deepest of falls, the most saccharine of candies.

«Don’t say sorry,» he whispers and pecks your lips «I love you. I love you and I want you to feel comfortable in everything you do. I love having you like this, but it’s something that means more. It’s not just feeling horny,» he strokes your cheek lovingly. He hopes that all of his emotions are clear to your eyes as he cups your cheeks and brings you closer to his face again.

«It’s showing it to me. Opening up and knowing that I won’t judge and just stay with you. For whatever, baby. It’s us, like it’s always been. You can show me all of yourself and fuck, I’ll be worshipping every ridge, every fucking shade. Just, let me love you right»

You never felt so fucking entangled with someone. Never. But with Jungkook, your souls are entangled, your limbs, your minds, your fucking hearts, your scents, the way you breathe. Everything melts into the other, every part of his was made to be yours and it was the same for you, cause otherwise it wouldn’t make sense. The way you feel the safest you’ve ever been wouldn’t, the way his fingers tremble slightly before they reach the hem of your shirt to push it upwards, the sound of your maddening heart wouldn’t. It doesn’t beat like it would with your first crush, with the last guy you dated, when you take care of yourself on your own. It beats in a way that you feel it deep in your intestine, in your guts, in every place. It beats sweetly, like a melody, it beats like you’re losing yourself but know that even if you don’t have control over you, his soul is going to keep you protected, loved and cared for. 

«Lay down for me?» he whispers. You smile and watch him as you rest on the mattress, he lowers himself and lays down on his chest, his feet hanging out of the bed. 

Jungkook hums in front of your core, the shirt you’re wearing is pretty big and long so you didn’t wear the rest of your home made pyjama yesterday night. He hooks his fingers around the band of your panties and you raise your hips up to make it easier for him to remove the garment. He lets it caress your skin, takes it off slowly, without any pressure. His eyes take in every inch of your skin, his digits caress your thighs and your knees in a way that causes your chest to feel heavier as he lets your panties fall on the bed just beside you. When he goes back to your center, his mouth salivates. 

«So pretty,» he coos «I love your pussy» and a second later, he’s pushing his lips against your hole, his nose pushing on your clit. You moan out loud before you can do anything about it, his eyes close and you raise your fist to keep your mouth shut. Your parents shouldn’t hear this, at all. You’d die of embarrassment only at the thought. 

He gathers your wetness on his tongue, sucks it in his mouth as his hands come to wrap around your thighs, moans on your pussy lowly at the addicting taste. 

«So sweet» he mumbles on it. 

«Is- the door locked?» you question, you have to at least before you lose your sanity. Jungkook nods on your pussy, the movement makes his nose rub against you and you can’t help but squeeze your thighs around him, it makes him moan and slurp on your wetness even more.

«Locked it when I came in yesterday» he says, kissing your lips. 

«Relax for me,» he whispers softly «let me take care of you» 

Your hand urgently reaches his on your thigh, Jungkook smiles at you and holds it, your juices glossing his lips. 

«Tell me what you want?» 

You gulp down, it’s hard to even think straight when he looks at you from between your legs.

«Want your tongue,» you nod «please»

«Where do you want it?» the way he speaks as if he’s willing to give you anything renders you breathless.

«Inside» you breathe. He doesn’t let you ask for it twice. 

He sucks on your lips just in the right way, and a second later he’s dipping his tongue in your pussy, eyes on you as the muscle works his magic inside you. He curls it and gatherers your juices again, saves the sweetness for his hungry mouth, gulps some of it down and then enters your hole again. Your hand squeeze his, his finger rub tenderly the back of it to soothe you as he starts fucking his tongue in and out. The muscle wet, controlled, firm but soft. As he moves his face to help himself his nose rubs against your clit again and god, it’s so good. So sweet, so alluring that you can’t hold back from wrapping your legs around his neck. 

Jungkook loves it, loves you, loves your pussy so fucking much that he thinks he could come free hands just by licking it, tasting your juices on his tongue, having you like this. His cock is so fucking hard that it hurts, his balls are already tight and they make him grunt on you as he fucks you slowly, the pace always the same, the one that he knows you like. He’s too hungry for you, to feel you, to have you, to cherish and worship every part of you, every single one; every irregular breath, every shiver of pleasure. He wants it to be his, every part of you. He wants you to remember this and wants you to soak your panties with your wetness when the image of him sucking on your core flashes in your mind at work, when you’re laying in bed. He wants it all, wants you to fucking lose it and give yourself to him, wants you to trust him that much. 

«Fuck, baby-» he whimpers as he squeezes your thigh «wanna make you lose it. Want you to come so fucking hard» 

You shiver under him, the pleasure building up with the pressure on your clit makes you arch your back and dig your head in the pillow, your nerves are on fire. His tongue touches your walls perfectly, strokes them as it goes in and comes back out, the tip reaches deep inside you right where you need him and it’s ecstatic. You whimper and cover your eyes cause looking at him only makes you weaker, bite your lips to hold back any sound. And then for a second, Jungkook stops his ministrations. You don’t even have the strength to peek at him, your body limp on the bed beside from your legs still wrapped around him. 

His tongue leaves your center, his nose away from you, you whine at the loss of contact but stop when you hear him grunt, his back lifting with your legs. Your hand moves away, and when you look down and see him getting back on the mattress you get a glimpse of the head of his cock, head red and hungry, so fucking hard. He breathes in deeply and dives in back in your pussy, pressing himself on the mattress. A whimper leaves his mouth and fuck, you can’t hold it back. The thought of him rubbing himself against the mattress while he fucks his tongue inside you makes you crazy, the fact that he feels so needy that he couldn’t wait more, the way you make him so hard that drives him insane. 

«Gonna cum» you try to whisper, but you’re voice comes out in a whimper and Jungkook  roots his hips harder against the sheets.

«Cum for me? Want you to smother me with your juices,» he moans so sweet that your mind links his voice to the taste of cotton candy, so velvety and light «want your wetness all over my face, fuck- I love it, love your pussy so much. I’d do anything for it, for you baby»

His remarks bring you closer to the edge, the rush in your veins seems closer and closer to its peak, ready to fall down and hit you in the best and worst way possible. Your hand reaches his hair, you fist the strands and Jungkook pushes himself deeper into you, his jaw hurts for how much of his chin is glued to you  but he found care less, his breath keeps hitting your clit every time he parts just to dive in again. 

«Please» you plead. Jungkook keeps his eyes on you and all his eagerness quiets down for a second. The way you look makes his heart clench, the way you bite your lips and close your eyes, the colour of your cheeks flushed, how you squeeze your legs around him. Love is in every move he makes, it was until now too, fuck if it was, but stopping himself for a second or so, he feels like his heart is going to explode. Not only in a thrilling way, but for how much he loves you. For you and you only, for the soul under him and showing itself in its bare state, for you giving yourself to him completely. He kisses your core, decides that he wants to make it even better, give you more, make you feel more and better. His lips lock around your clit, it’s unexpected and all at once and suddenly you feel like you’re going to cry for the pleasure. His fingers push inside you, two of them hit your g-spot perfectly and he doesn’t take them out, just curls them inside you repeatedly, so good and breataking, his tongue flicks your clit up and down as he keeps sucking on it. He realises the pearl with a pop and opens his lips to lick stripe on it, just on the spot that makes you lose it, but his teeth graze it and suddenly you’re whimpering and shaking and fuck, you’re cuming under him, around him. His mind is full of you, you’re everywhere all at once and all he wants to do is fucking show you how much he loves you. Your legs wrap around him tighter and he strokes your hip to soothe you while you keep him tight to your pussy, body trembling.

He gulps down your wetness, cleans every drop and tastes your sweetness on his tongue, licks it clean until there’s nothing more for him, and even then his tongue comes inside you to get some more. He loves it, he’s fucking addicted to your sweetness, to your juices. Just the flavour makes his dick twitch and throb, balls too tight to hold back any longer. He knows he could cum just by having you like this, he just knows it.

«Koo» you call. He realises a deep breath on you, your thighs still shake around him for how sensitive you are.

«Let me help you» you coo. He licks his lips clean.

«I wanna-» he cuts himself off as he takes a deep breath, voice shaky «I wanna try something»

Your hand strokes his hair as you watch him speak, eyes glued to his face even though your mind is still hazy. He looks totally fucked out, almost as if the one who’s been on the receiving end until now, like you’re doing something to him that can’t be explained, take all of his energy and rush it to his cock, begging to be released. 

«What? What do you want?» you whisper. His cheeks colour of a reddish tint, eyes glittery looking away from your face, almost as if it’s too much to say out loud.

«Talk to me?»

Jungkook gives in as soon as your foot digs into his shoulder: «Wanna cum while tasting you on my tongue, I- just by tasting you» 

Shit. If that’s what your brain is assuming, oh god.

«You mean…»

«Hands free» he breathes, eyes back into yours. The words dig a hole into your skin and you swear that if your energy wasn’t so drained right now you’d make him do just that and ride his dick afterwards, give him more while he’s sensitive and whimpering until all he can do is cum and break out into his sweet mewls and sighs.  

«I can do that, I’m so close, baby. Just-»

«Do it,» you nod «do it for me?» 

He hopes that your parents are still sleeping or just busy cause he doesn’t think he can manage to keep his mouth shut. The way you look at him and take in every feature on his face makes him salivate. It’s sexy and it’s such a turn on to think that you make him this crazy that your wetness starts to pool your pussy again and you just want him  with his tongue covered in your juices again. Fuck, he wants it too. 

«Can I? For real?» 

You nod at him, free him of your legs just to sit up and raise his chin with your fingers. Jungkook stays there, with his chest on the mattress, ass naked and cock against the sheets, but the yearning he feels for your kiss in undeniable. 

«Why would I say no?» you smile.

«It’s sexy,» your lips brush against him as you speak «of course you can»

«It’s a bit embarrassing, actually» he scoffs.

«It isn’t,» you echo the words he said before to you «makes me crazy. The thought of me turning you on that much that you can- cum like that, fuck. It’s making me wet again» 

«Yeah?» he hums on your lips, looking for recognition. 

«Yes,» you peck him sweetly «yes, love. Don’t feel embarrassed. I would love it»

Damn, he loves you. He loves you. He just- he can’t even form a proper sentence, he just loves you. 

«Do it» you smile and all he can do is hiss through his teeth. He watches as you lay down again, your pussy pink and your wetness dripping to your asshole. Fuck, he can do that, he definitely can. His cock is hurting just at the sight. 

«Raise your hips a bit?» you ask. He nods as he shifts on the bed, weighting down on his knees and getting back down on you with his cock standing against his abdomen. Like this, there’s nothing that’s willing to provide him of some pressure, nothing to help himself with, and somehow it makes his cock throb even more cause he knows that you want him to cum just from you. You’re desperate for him as much as he is for you.

He breathes in loudly, closes his eyes as he tastes you again, tongue licking from your asshole to your cunt and sucking on the path where your juices dripped on. The taste is saccharine, the texture creamy, honey like. His cock throbs, twitches as he slurps them and wets his chin, your hands coming back on his hair only make him dip his tongue deep inside you. You’re too sensitive to let the pleasure take over you, but still you don’t move an inch. Jungkook moans and drinks down your juices, totally pussy drunk and in love with you. He feels his cock burn from how much blood is rushing to it, his skin sweating, his balls tightening so much that it makes him lose his mind and stand on the edge, helpless and needy to let go but too restricted by not really knowing how to. Until you push your hips to his face. You push your sweet fucking little pussy on his face and his cock just jerks, his balls suddenly loosen and he thanks the gods in his mind that his mouth his glued against you cause if it wasn’t for it, the noises he makes would probably wake up your neighbours and definitely your parents. His cum bursts out in more spurts, so harshly and so fucking much that he feels himself drained and all he can do is hide deeper into your core until it’s hard for him to breathe too, with his nose pushing against you and his high overpowering every part of him. The sheets get wet, his chest too, your asshole gets painted by a few drops and his heart flutters as he enters a world made of bliss and release, feeling your fingers on his cheeks and then on his neck, caressing it sweetly and reassuring him as he whimpers. 

He stays like that for a bunch of seconds, feels his cock throb and lingers in the afterglow of his orgasm, until all he craves for is your arms wrapped around him and your whispers in his ears. He digs his hands on the mattress, lifts himself up with a groan  and parts his face from your core, laying down on top of you as best as he can for the way he’s feeling now. You welcome him lovingly, your arms wrap around his bust and you stroke his hair as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck and gathers back his even breath, his heart pounds against your chest and it’s so overwhelming to have him in this state that you just shower him with all you can give. All the love you have, all the affirmations he needs to hear, all the thoughts that pass through your mind. You tell him how much you love him, how much you love when he lets go of himself like this, how you love to see him in this way, how he makes your heart flutter, what you’d be down to give just to make him smile. Jungkook whimpers when you stroke his back and kiss behind his ear, totally limp on your body. 

«I- I don’t wanna be- don’t wanna live without you» it’s a spur of the moment, but he feels his words rooted deep inside him, written clearly and with bold capital letters. Your heart gets squeezed in the same way that you squeeze him in your arms.

«Don’t wanna» he mumbles childishly. 

«Why are you saying that?» you coo sweetly.

«Just. Just to say it, I feel it» his words are muffled. He hides furthermore into you, arms wrapping around you and passing between your back and the mattress.

«Sometimes I think about it. Just the thought- don’t want it to ever happen» he wails.

«I’m here with you, baby» you kiss his neck, take in the warmth of his skin on your lips.

«I’ve got you. Always»

Going back home means getting back to waking up early and to rush not to be late, to spin around all day when you wish you were still laying in bed doing nothing. This Monday was extremely frustrating especially, after getting a taste of relaxing all day yesterday, coming back to work was hell. You spent your day strolling around a park with Jungkook and your parents, had lunch out in a restaurant, went shopping a little even. You came back to Seoul after dinner and when you arrived it was already late, you fell asleep like a baby and slept all night in your bed. Jungkook cuddled you until you fell asleep and then went back to his bed, not really sure about what you wanted cause you were too tired to even talk about it. When you woke up you felt a little disappointed to not feel him wrapped around you but you didn’t have the time to tell him cause you were already late for work since you didn’t wake up on time. You’re tired and sleepy and all you want to do is go back to your apartment, eat dinner and sleep.

«It’s tomorrow» Yoongi smiles. He and Taehyung came to visit you unexpectedly, but you don’t mind it at all. It’s almost time to go home anyway and your work hasn’t been too much today.

«Of course I’ll come!» you clap your hands excitedly. Hyunjoo and him decided to celebrate their pregnancy officially at Jin’s restaurant, you would never think about turning down their invitation.

«Jin will cook» Taehyung nods as he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

«He said he’ll make something really good»

«Yah, can’t you talk about something else? That’s not what’s important now» you scold him. Your friend raises his chin and lowers his bottom lip, a habit of him that you always found endearing and cute. You squeeze his cheek.

«Of course what’s important is the baby,» he nods «but I’m looking forward to dinner too» 

Yoongi shakes his head as he scoffs: «The restaurant will be all for us, he’ll close it for tomorrow night»

«Ah, that makes me hungrier» Taehyung rubs his belly and you push him slightly as you laugh at him. His grip on you grows as he tries not to lose his balance, chuckling loudly. 

«Will you be-»

Someone knocks on your door and you cut off your words. Yoongi goes to open it, peeks out from the wood, you expect him to bow politely at whoever it is but a second later he’s opening his arms wide and Jungkook appears in all his beautiful aura. You raise your eyebrows, you were not expecting him here at all, this morning you took your car, he didn’t need to come here to give you a ride.

«Jungkookah!» Taehyung calls out. He leaves your side to hug his younger friend, Jungkook’s eyes meet yours as he lays his head on his shoulder, definitely not understanding what’s happening in your studio. 

«Why are you here?» he asks. Yoongi hits his back lightly.

«Can’t we visit her? Why are you here?» he chuckles. Jungkook shakes his head as he parts from Taehyung.

«I came to visit too» he mumbles. He finished work earlier than usual today and he wasn’t in the mood to go back home and wait for you there, so he thought that he could’ve just stopped by and wait for you to finish, steal a kiss or two and stay silent while you worked. Apparently, that’s not going to happen. 

«You’re something else,» Yoongi laughs «you were complaining all day about work but now that you’ve finished you’re here»

Jungkook’s cheeks color of a red shade as he looks at you. He talked to Yoongi a lot today, more then usual through texts at least, and here he is revealing them all. Not that he minds, after all there’s nothing wrong in it.

«Didn’t wanna go home yet,» he chuckles «thought I could stay here while you were working but apparently there’s a party I didn’t know about» 

You scoff at his words, Taehyung gets back to your side and rubs your hair in the same way you would with a pet or a child, his ministrations make you whine as you try to stop him and laugh at the same time.

«Yah, why don’t you make me do that?» he scolds.

«I asked you sometime ago but you told me I couldn’t. Jungkook can?»

You step on his foot to make him stop messing up your hair, he opens his mouth wide at the sudden burst of anger but laughs even harder.

«He didn’t ask me» you explain. Jungkook shakes his head at the side, slightly giggling.

«Cause you make me do it sometimes» he chirps in. Taehyung closes his fists and finally stops teasing you, eyebrows furrowed and lips contracted in a scowl.

«You’re the worst! How can you do this to me?» he slightly raises his voice.

«Yah, she’s working! Stop that!» Yoongi tries to look as stern as he can but his voice breaks out in a giggle too. 

«Next time I ask you you should tell me to come» your friend pats your shoulder. 

«Since we’re here, why don’t we eat together?» he goes. Your eyes widen at the request and Taehyung pouts at your reaction.

«Hyunjoo is waiting for me» Yoongi declines, eyes on Jungkook.

«Sorry hyung, but not tonight» he mumbles with a grimace. Taehyung squeezes you to his side.

«Please?» he begs with his voice all soft and pouty. You roll your eyes, he knows well how to get to you with all the years of friendship behind you. Still, you know his ways too.

«Not tonight, Tae. I’m tired. We’ll be together tomorrow»

«But tomorrow we’re all together!» he whines.

«Something chill and calm, when we’re together it’s always chaotic»

«That’s because you’re one of those who makes it chaotic» Jungkook laughs.

«Please?» he goes on, giving a sneaky glance to his younger friend. You look at Jungkook, Taehyung squeezes you so tight that you almost feel suffocated.

«These two are the worst. Let’s do it us two. Let’s go eat sushi, it’s on me» 

Taehyung is like this. Physical and endearing, your relationship has always been on the soft side, more clingy to what it’s like with the others. You’re used to it and it’s like this for you too but one of the peaks about it is that you can never say no to him, not when he pouts and asks so nicely, because you find him just so cute and adorable and you love him a lot. It’s been a while since you spent time together too, so you know that he misses you a bit, he told you about it when he texted you at lunch. You weren’t expecting to see him with Yoongi at all when he opened the door before, weren’t expecting Yoongi either.

«I hate you» you mumble. He jumps on his feet, already knowing what your answer means, Jungkook sighs deeply and lets his head fall backwards. He wishes he could tell you that he wanted to take you home and cuddle you until you felt asleep tonight too, but he knows he can’t in front of them. So all there’s left to do is let go and shut his eyes close.

«I’ll come too» he groans.

«Yah, look at him. You’re really something else» Taehyung grins.

«Let’s go»

You ate sushi. Taehyung really missed spending time with you, when you’re together by yourselves it’s different then when people are around, more calm. He missed talking to you a lot, especially since in the last months you’ve been seeing each other twice or thrice a week but every time there’s always everyone else too, so getting to spend tonight just eating peacefully and talking to his friends feels relaxing. Beside for the fact that Jungkook had a scowl on his face for the last twenty minutes.

«What’s wrong with you?» he asks as he sips from his beer. Jungkook frowns.

«What?» he echoes. 

«You’re annoyed by something» his friend points at him. You look at the man in front of you, his eyes shift to yours immediately. 

«I’m not annoyed by anything» 

«It doesn’t seem like it» you mumble. 

Jungkook shrugs.

«I’m just tired, can’t we go home?»

«Now?» Taehyung raises his eyebrows at his friend, Jungkook munches on his lips and relaxes his shoulders.

«I’m tired» he mumbles. In fact, he doesn’t look full of energy, but not as tired as he says you guess. 

«You’re getting old» Tae points at his face. 

«Too bad for you, you’re older than me» he grins. A second later your friend scoffs at his attitude and throws his arm around you.

«What do you like about him? Why are you two best friends?» he teases. Jungkook crosses his arms on the table, he stares deep into his soul with a smirk as he waits for your answer.

«You’re friends with him too, you know» you snort.

«And sometimes I ask myself the same question»

«Oh, please» Kook shakes his head. He knows that you’re both teasing him but he hoped you would cut the chase. He wishes he could just tell Taehyung the rest of the story.

«You’re annoying,» your friend raises his forefinger «touchy,» he lifts his middle finger «too noisy,»

«You are too»

«I didn’t finish;» he narrows his eyes at him.

«I’m not touchy,» Jungkook looks at you with his pupils pleading «I’m not, am I?»

You raise your eyebrows: «A little?»

He blinks outraged, face blank and eyes wide.

«Why are you taking his side? You should be with me!» he whines. 

«I love Taehyung too much» you shrug and giggle while he scoffs at the scene. Really outraged. Tae messes up your hair for the nth time today while trying to softly caress them as he would do with a puppy, making you slap his hand away. Your eyes meet Jungkook’s just to see him breathe in deeply through his nostrils, eyes staring at you as you laugh.

«What?-» Taehyung cuts your upcoming question off.

«And you talk to yourself a lot» he adds another finger. 

Jungkook sneers at the last one, he kicks him with his foot from under the table. The man wails and bends over, hands hiding under the wood to cover the injured part.

«And did I say touchy?» he keens, receiving a death stare from the other one.

«Why? It’s true!»

«Yah, stop» you shake your head at the two, patting Taehyung’s shoulder.

«Did he really hurt you?» you try not to laugh but the whole situation just makes you want to giggle out loud. Still, you keep it silent.

«He works out too much» Taehyung blubbers, bringing his head on the table to cry silently.

«Come on, it wasn’t even a kick. You’re getting old» Jungkook huffs, but a second later his face goes from annoyed to actually worried, eyes clear and lips pouty.

«Hyung, did I hurt you for real?» he cock his eyebrows and you can see the way he munches on the inside of his cheek nervously. Taehyung sighs deeply, raising his middle finger in the air. 

«Not really» he laughs. The younger lets go of a restrained breath, his shoulders fall as relief washes over him.

«You’re the worst» he mewls. Silence fills the air until Taehyung breaks out in a chuckle, you two following. Jungkook’s cheekbones are high and he wrinkles his nose as he laughs. 

«Can we go for real?» he mumbles.

«Yah!»

There’s something bothering Jungkook that both you and him can’t quite grasp. It’s feeble and velvety but his mood is slightly off and the fact that he doesn’t know what’s making it like this is even worse. What he notices though, is that it started when he came into your office yesterday and it’s been going on until now. It’s making him huff at his desk as he tries to concentrate on the contract in front of him. He read the paper again and again until he decided that it would be better if he took a break cause his brain isn’t really listening now. He takes out his phone out, scrolls through his contacts to call Yoongi and ask him about the time you’re going to meet tonight, but a second later his phone rings and your name comes up on the screen. He clicks on the green button without even thinking about it.

«Koo» you call. He smiles at your tone, fixing his position on the chair.

«Yes?» he mumbles.

«You don’t need to come pick me up tonight» 

He narrows his eyes and pouts his lips, not really understanding. This morning he gave you a ride and took you to work, you woke up late and apparently he woke up too soon and wasn’t feeling sleepy anymore, so with the excuse of that and the thought of not seeing you for the whole day he gladly and not so easily convinced you to get into his car. He doesn’t get why now you’re telling-

«Taehyung told me he’ll pick me up,» you explain «is it okay for you?»

He wrinkles his nose, eyes staring at the wall in front of him. He knows that you’re asking because last time this happened he said that he wanted to spend some time with you together before meeting the others.

«Of course» he nods.

«What time are we meeting?»

«Aish, you never check the group chat,» you scold «Yoongi sent a message this morning, it’s at seven» 

«Too many messages,» he shakes his head

«guess I’ll see you then?»

«Of course» you smile. He’s about to close the call when he hears you call him again.

«Koo?»

He hums in response.

«Is something wrong?» you question, voice sweet. He shrugs, fills his cheeks with air just to pass it from one to the other for a few times, letting it out through his lips with a sigh.

«I don’t know,» he murmurs «I’m feeling a bit annoyed but I don’t know what it is» 

You nod on the phone, putting him on speaker to lay your head on the desk.

«Does it have to do with the ride?» 

«No, it’s not that» he shakes his head no.

«I really don’t know»

«Talk to me if there’s anything wrong,» you mumble «I’ll listen»

«I know» he beams. Hearing you say that makes him feel a bit lighter.

«I love you» your voice comes out low from the microphone and it makes him lick his lips as he smiles, reassured.

«I love you too»

Jungkook is already there when you enter the restaurant, standing by Namjoon that laughs at what Jin just said he shakes his head and throws his head back. He smiles at Joon and pats his back as he responds to Jin, Hana coming by his side to kiss his cheek just for the sake of it. He lays his hand on her hip, smiles back at her before going back to their conversation. Jungkook’s eyes instantly lay on his hand that stays still around her, his mind filling up with your face and how he wishes he could just do the same naturally, without thinking too much about it. Just a second later, he hears your voice from behind him and he spins on his heels almost hitting Namjoon in his ministrations. Fucking hell, you’re breathtaking.

Yoongi did say to dress good but not totally elegant, but this, shit this is art for the eyes. You look stunning, totally gorgeous and he thinks he’s probably drooling by now. 

You hug Yoongi and Hyunjoo, he hears you tell her how beautiful she looks, you caress her bumpy belly sweetly, but fuck he doesn’t think you realise how good you look. And to think that this morning you were running all over the place saying that you were going to change your clothes at work and that you didn’t know what you got from your wardrobe cause you were running late. 

«Jungkookah,» Namjoon pushes him with his elbow slightly «you’re giving your game away. Shut your mouth at least» 

He gulps, fixes his posture. Fuck, he wishes he could tell him that you already know, there’s no point in denying it. 

«She’s so…»

«I know,» Joon pats his shoulder «but she’s still your best friend so you should go greet her, maybe?»

His words don’t seem venomous at the beginning, he just nods to himself and strolls towards you. Taehyung is by your side and greeting the others with a big boxy smile on his face, he does the same with the maknae and decides to walk over to Namjoon a second later. Jungkook wraps his arm around your shoulder as he would do usually, squeezes you to his side until you have to pinch his nipple to let you out of his grasp. The scowl that follows on his face doesn’t go unnoticed even by Jin and Namjoon that are standing a few meters away.

«You hurt me» he keens.

«Oh, come on, I didn’t» you scoff. The light makes your skin glow, it takes his breath away. It doesn’t matter for how many years this has been going on, his heart sings always the same melody and the tempo goes by quicker when you look at him and smile.

«When did you arrive?»

«Oh, five minutes ago» he shrugs. You nod, look at the others.

«Eunji?»

«She’s on her way with Jimin» 

Taehyung comes back to you, hooks is arm around yours and beckons you to do the same with Jungkook’s before walking towards the table to make you sit between them, he almost looks like he came out of a vintage movie with his beige wide leg pants and the satisfied smile on his lips. 

The others arrive in a bunch of minutes, Eunji and Jimin with some bags hanging by his arm, Hoseok just a few moments later dressed in colourful clothes and a beanie that probably costs more than what you and Jungkook pay for your monthly rent. 

With the table full, Jin announces the beginning of the dinner and the usual chaotic atmosphere begins, everyone talking and remembering things that make you laugh and nod every ten seconds. Jungkook notices the way you look at him from time to time, just like you always do when there are people around you. He sees how when you talk about something your eyes meet his first, how you punch his shoulder lightly when he moans too loud cause his beer is just too good.

«You did that on purpose!» Yoongi laughs.

«I didn’t! She came out of nowhere!» Hoseok points at Hana that keeps laughing uncontrollably. 

«I told you I was coming with the cake!» she can’t even speak from how much she’s laughing.

«She did» you nod as you giggle.

«Did you have to come in that moment?» Hoseok takes a sip from his drink.

«Yes, it was the moment of the cake, you were the one in the way!» 

«Aish, unbelievable» Jin shakes his head.

«You’re trying to blame us when you were the one with his mind elsewhere» 

«I didn’t do it on purp-»

«Oh, you did» Yoongi’s shoulders lift repeatedly as his chest shakes.

«I’m betting everything you have that you did it on purpose cause we had a fight ten minutes before»

Jungkook bursts out laughing: «Yah, why would you bet everything he has?» 

You cackle beside him, your head falling backwards.

«Cause he has more than me! Have you see his beanie?» the older points at Hoseok’s head.

«It’s a gift, dummy» he clicks his tongue on his palate «and I’m telling you I didn’t!»

The memory is one of those that make you titter when you think about it. It was Yoongi’s birthday and Jin gladly made his cake with so much affection, you remember that he spent the whole day working on it, it was so pretty and you could already feel it melt in your mouth. You were excited to try it cause you knew that he made it based on Yoongi’s likes that in terms of cakes are pretty similar to yours, however, you never got the chance to taste it. Hana was helping him in the kitchen and you swear you heard her say that she was going to come out with the cake but-

«Aish, you literally hit it just at the right spot to make me dig my face in it!»

That’s what happened. Hoseok turned around just as Hana was coming out of the door and he hit it with his elbow as he was turning, Yoongi was right behind him and Hana just a few centimetres away trying to pass through. The cake went upwards and Yoongi couldn’t even blink twice that he had it all over his face, face deep into the cream. 

«Yah, hajima-» Jimin is on the verge of tears «I can’t see when I laugh»

«You’re so dumb» Eunji hits his shoulder.

«What, what? I really can’t see!»

The waiters bring the food to the table, Jin slaps the ass of one of them as he puts the dishes in front of him and it makes Jimin laugh harder as the poor guy scoffs at him. He talked a lot about one of the waiters especially, said that he had a lot of potential and was a really good person, so you guess it’s him. 

A dish full of kkaennip jangajji gets placed in front of you, rice as banchan on the side, chopsticks shining. 

«I was craving this yesterday!» Hyunjoo wheezes at the sight, eyes wide as she dives down on her plate and smells it with all her might. Hana and you giggle at your friend, Eunji smiling happily at her. It’s so good to see her happy with such a little thing, sometimes she texts the girl group chat deep at night craving for things that make you wince; just four days ago she was craving for a combination that- ew, pancakes and ketchup.

Jin pats Yoongi’s shoulder.

«Yoongi made me cook it appositely» 

You don’t expect her to lift her head with that look on her face, but she does. Her eyes water and the corners of her lips lower at the look of the future father of her child.

«I love you» she sniffs, making Yoongi burst out in a laugh.

«I know, I love you too sweetie» he rubs her back lovingly «now eat, will you?»

Hoseok’s eyes are big just at the scene in front of him, totally taken aback by the sweetness between the two. Jungkook feels his inside burn as he stares down at his plate, fingers tingling just to touch you in any way possible, even a brush of his fingers on your shoulder would be enough. He wishes he could just show you the same as Yoongi does with Hyunjoo. You only smile at the two, not really noticing the way his eyes peek at you.

«Okay, I’m hungry» Jimin is the first to dig down into his meal, chopsticks grabbing the perilla leaf from his plate to wrap it around the rice. 

The table fills with giggles and snorts once more, the atmosphere is light and cozy. Your friends make it easy for you to love them, every single one. Of course they have their moments - like that time that you fought with Taehyung cause he called you four times in an hour while you were at work, or the other when Hoseok and you fought over a pen -, you have them too, but they’re like a second family, you wouldn’t want it in any other way. Your eyes meet Jungkook at the thought, almost as if he’s the bright sun behind the clouds, and you feel it rooted deep inside you, how much he means. His mouth his full, cheeks swollen as he munches on the rice but when he feels your eyes on him he turns around immediately. Even when he look like a squirrel full of almonds, you-

«Shibal, why are they like this?» Taehyung huffs loudly beside you. Your attention shifts to him, he has a big scowl on his face and he stares angrily at the perilla leaves in front of him, chopsticks trying as much as they can to separate one from the other. You scoff at him, shake your head.

Jungkook still has his eyes on you, he watches as you bring your chopsticks to the dish to grab the corner of the leaf and slide one of the sticks under it. You slowly move it from side to side to make it part from the other underneath, his eyes wide and his cheeks full like a mochi he stares as you bring it to Taehyung’s dish and place it on his rice.

Only then he gulps: «Yah!» 

Your shoulder raise frightened, head turning immediately with your heart in your throat. You see his mouth open, eyes big and eyebrows cocked in a shocked expression, Namjoon’s words echo in his ears. Now, they definitely feel venomous. 

You’re still his best friend.

«Wha- what? What happened?» you quiver.

Taehyung peeks over your shoulder, eyes glued to Jungkook’s face. Jimin and Eunji in front of you stare at the scene with their knowing expressions but they clearly don’t understand what’s happening cause no one knows the full version of the story. And Jungkook suddenly feels his stomach close up and his breath getting stuck as he looks at you.

«You- why… I can’t do this,» he shakes his head and brings his hands to his lap «I’m going out for a minute» 

His chair chimes strident as he slides it backwards, and a second later he’s walking towards the door of the restaurant with his hands by his sides and everyone looking at him. You don’t seem to remember how to breathe for a bunch of seconds. 

What happened? What-

«Oh, fuck» Jimin brings his hands on his hair, tugging at them nervously. Eunji gulps down her food, eyes on the empty spot beside you, Taehyung looks over at the door, Namjoon breathes in nervously and Jin and Hana look each other with eyes that seem to communicate words that you don’t grasp simply because you aren’t looking anywhere but at Jungkook’s dish, his chopsticks laid on the brims. 

Yoongi clears his throat, looks over at her girlfriend, Hoseok peeks at you and a second later you’re storming out of the restaurant with their eyes on you and yours already trying to see Jungkook from the glass of the door.

When it shuts behind you, Namjoon licks his lips and smiles.

«Finally, it had to happen» he nods light hearted, Yoongi scoffing as he tries to get a look of you two outside.

«Yah, give them some privacy» Taehyung scolds his hyung, Hoseok shaking his head at the group.

You can read the second part here: Closer: Too Close

Read more about Closer here: Closer

Taglist: @p-i-e-d-p-i-p-e-r, @kaitlynlovesbm, @bytheinaya, @jub-jub, @taolucha, @mianyas1998, @seoulrenebae-blog, @ppeachyttae, @gluk97, @jk97bam, @diorh0seokie, @gwsjungkookie, @moonlikemeh, @skzthinker, @jungkookieeee97, @eysloveskoosomuch, @sleepy-sae, @jjkw-7, @singularityjes, @spookybirstarfish, @vvicadiction, @kimchijeonjk, @suciedad-divina, @katarinamae

[king-candybug-backup]

Going to gush a little about a couple Kill Switch scenes that I appreciate because I think you're being too hard on yourself about whatever pacing issues you think you have :)

Every night, after the arcade had closed and the random roster race was concluded, Vanellope would sneak a heal kit out of Hero’s Duty, gather up some food, and then come to see him for a few hours. 

Whatever true reasons she must’ve had, she’d always hide them under the guise of ‘keeping him company’. Perhaps it was her sneaky way of torturing him, forcing him to listen to her ear-gratingly-annoying voice every night. If this little brat weren’t his only ticket out of here, he’d have tried to kill her a hundred times over by now.

This part I particularly love because it does a really good job at communicating how King Candy thinks in such a small, casual paragraph! He's only ever used kindness as a manipulation tactic, so it makes total sense that he'd see Vanellope's kindness as the same thing; not true kindness, but some sort of means to an end, something she must be doing to get one over on him somehow. He's completely and totally wrong of course but this small thought process fits his character really well! There's so much I could say about just this part if I were better at wording things, but ye, I just love this!

His head arose at the sound, blinking a few times to squint at her, as though he couldn’t tell if he’d actually woken up yet. “... You’re back?” 

“Well, yeah, obviously.” She replied, hoisting her haul against the bars of the cage. “If it took threats of violence to get ridda me, I’d’ve just left ya trapped in Diet Cola Mountain.”

Completely baffled, he just stared at her, slack-jawed. She really was a lot stupider than he initially thought.

This part I really like because I think it's another short but effective way to show how his thought process is going to develop about the situation. He keeps seeing her nice gestures as her being foolish and dumb, which I think will let his guard down more as time goes on and he sees this more and more as "oh she'll be EASY to manipulate" even though Vanellope is actually smart and knows full well to be wary of him, and he just can't process how her kindness does not equal stupidity, so his flawed world view there is pretty much setting himself up for failure if he misleads himself into thinking she's a lot dumber than she actually is (That is, if I'm reading into that part correctly. Mayby I'm overthinking a little bit there. xD Bad at wording things)

She shot a snarky look his way. “Also, you literally tried to kill me in Rainbow Lane, I don’t think you have much room to judge, there.”

He looked as though he were about to object, took a second to think about it, then shrugged in a surprisingly nonchalant manner. “True.”

Vanellope rolled her eyes before continuing on her original tangent. “So, what, d’you think every single other racer on the track suddenly doesn’t matter if they don’t win every single time?” When she saw King Candy open his mouth to respond, she quickly held up her hand, remembering who it was she’d been speaking to. “Actually, don’t answer that.” 

And this part I don't have much to say about I just like because it's funny xD

Brb, gotta go have a cry real quick 😭

But seriously, thank you, that's so sweet! :') I'm honestly blown away by how much people seem to be liking the fic so far, it makes me really happy that you're enjoying it! 💗 Your ask honestly just made my day, like, THIS FANDOM IS SO NICE, WHAT IS HAPPENING

It also makes me very very happy to know that people are picking up on the vibes I am putting down, thank you very muchly

And what I mean by the whole "pacing issues" thing is really just, like, there were a couple of parts that simply didn't transition between scenes very smoothly, and it comes off as a little jarring (in my opinion). I didn't have the chance to finish the edits yesterday as originally planned, but basically all I'm going to do is add a scene with Candy and Vanellope talking a little bit more before the Sinistar attack, because I feel like that part happened too quickly before they had a chance to build up a bit more of a consistent dynamic, and I'm also going to add a scene before Candy tries to attack her to show his anger growing a bit more naturally, as I feel like that part was glossed over a little too much. Like, he went from "I'm going to bide my time and wait for an opportune moment" to "Actually f#@% everything I'm going to stab this child right now" without exploring his worsening emotional state enough, lol. Those were really the only two issues that were bothering me about it. Like I know it's not the HUGEST deal, but I feel like I can make it better, so I wanna try, lmao

[cb-writes-stuff]

THE SNIPPET!!!

I am so excited to share this with y’all. This is the opening scene of the novel I’m working on, which at the moment doesn’t have a proper title. I don’t really have much to say about it, so I’ll just get right to it.

Edit: Added a cut. This post is only for the dedicated

There was barely time to react.

Stepping through the door, Nauth caught something in the corner of his eye. Something glinting in the dark. Instincts kicking in, he jumped back, but it wasn’t enough. A dagger blade cut through tunic and shirt, met skin, stung his arm. The attacker took another stab and swung, forcing a retreat.

Nauth grabbed a stool, flinging it at the black figure with the dagger. He ran out the back door, not waiting to see if it connected.

Hopping over the parapet of the small courtyard, he looked to his left and right. The sun had set and the streets were lit by soft lantern light. The streets were empty. The streets were quiet.

A clatter. A glance. The attacker in the doorway.

Nauth turned left and bolted down the street. A second set of footfalls was coming closer.

Sprinting through the gate, guards shouted at the both of them. Nauth ignored it. Turn down this street, and that one, weaving his way west. In the Market District, he could get lost in the crowd.

The streets were stained in rainbow hues by the light filtered through multicolor canvas canopies. However thin, the crowd would be enough. Turning a corner, he looked back.

The figure in black was gone.

Nauth stopped running. Panting, he looked around. His arm stung. His lungs burned. He scanned the crowd. No figure in black.

Finally, a moment to rest. He inspected the cut through the hole in his clothes. Only surface-level. It would heal. He looked down one street, and shook his head. Turning down another, he walked. Quickly. Leaving the Market District, making his way east. He couldn’t be sure he was safe.

On the way, he took stock of what he had. His cloak. A water bag. A satchel, and a couple belt pouches. A coin purse, light. His sandals. It would have to do.

At the stables, he picked out a brown gelding, sleek and quick, saddled it, and mounted. The horse obliged. Nauth did his best not to look nervous guiding it through the streets.

At the north gate, white-cloaked men and women made vigil, ringing soft bells at regular intervals. They gave Nauth warm smiles before shifting to an expression of concern. He repaid their smiles with a grimace. He didn’t want to flee on such a night, but he had no choice. He urged the horse on, into the dark.

What had happened? How had it happened? Nauth shook his head, trying to make sense of it. The past week had been so normal. Why now? And why at all?

[f0rlorn]

flicker in the dark → coral

coral!tbosas x reader

notes → in which you meet the tribute you will be mentoring, and she turns out to be something you never would’ve expected. feminine intended reader though i do not know if pronouns are brought up.

warnings → y’all, she is so over the top ooc… (i molded her character after vi from arcane lol 🙈) not edited & uploaded via iphone!! i also haven’t written in months lol

    trailing behind your fellow mentor and dear friend, lysistrata vickers, you couldn’t help but grow anxious of the impending meeting with the tribute you had been assigned. nearing the zoo where the tributes were being kept in this year, your heart rate sped up. the practice of mentoring a tribute was something that had never been done before, so nerves were on edge. and on top of that, the thought of the twenty-four district children being kept on display in a monkey house was enough to make you shiver with disgust. though, it was not much better than the horse stables they had been kept in prior to this year. if you were lucky, your tribute would be willing to cooperate with you like coriolanus’ girl, lucy gray, had. thoughts swamped your brain as lyssie dragged you to the front of the cage, about to part ways with you to find her respective tribute, the hulking district twelve boy.

     “y/n, you have nothing to lose here. we’re simply here to help them get through this as easily and… painlessly as possible,” she said, muttering the last phrase with underlying bitterness. both lysistrata and yourself were not fans of the hunger games. the prospect of dehumanizing and stripping the rights, as well as dignity, away from children your own age was safe to say, unappealing. with the war long over, shouldn’t the killing have ended by now too?

     “i know, lyssie, i just…” you paused, averting your gaze, “don’t know if i’ll be able to face her knowing what she’s about to go through. to think she’s our age, too… it’s… i don’t know how i can even help her.” you couldn’t find the words to accurately form your thought, but lysistrata understood.

     “i get it, i do. just show her what you brought her.” lysistrata patted you on the back and wandered towards the side of the enclosure that her tribute resided in. it didn’t take long to spot your tribute, who’s name you learned to be coral. her fiery red hair could be pinpointed from a mile away.

     you sighed, slowly walking up to the metal bars of the enclosure. “coral?” you tried, catching the attention of some tributes sitting closer to the bars, but not coral. pausing, you pursed your lips and tried again, calling out for her louder. this got the attention of her district partner, mizzen, who nudged coral. she looked up at mizzen and he nodded towards you. unsure of what exactly to do as they both glared at you, you waved sheepishly. coral gave a look to mizzen, then stood, striding over to where you were standing.

     as she reached the bars, you had to shift your gaze upwards to look her in the eye. “and who might you be, doll face?” she asked, her tone condescending as she eyed you up and down.

  “hi, i’m y/n, i’ll be your mentor for the games.” you stuck your hand through the bars to her and attempted to introduce yourself, but realized that the hand you had offered was holding the bag of items that you had brought for her. you quickly placed it down for a second to properly shake her hand, only for her to ignore the gesture and continue to stare expectantly.

      “mendor, huh? so rainbow girl was right after all.” you nodded in agreement, assuming she was referring to lucy gray. “so what are you gonna do for me?” you paused, thinking of the best way to put it.

     “i’m going to try my best to help you win. and take care of you, of course.” the look she gave you made you think you had three heads, and you shrunk under her gaze.

     “i’m sorry, sweetheart, but how are you going to help me?” she almost laughed.

     “well, my job as a mentor is to introduce you to the public, to make you more appealing so that people will want to watch the games.” you explained.

     “appealing, huh. am i not already?” coral asked mockingly, criticizing your choice of words. she moved forward to grip to bars and stooped down boldly to be eye to eye with you. you stuttered, quickly looking away in embarrassment.

     “i mean- yes- but that wasn’t what i meant, really!” you quickly tried, but she simply laughed at you. regaining her posture, she glanced at the bag you had set on the floor.

     “and what’s this?” she queried, urging you to pick it up and show her.

     “i brought you some food!” you offered, “you should really eat if you want to make it into the arena with enough strength to fight.” you tried, which was a dumb, obvious statement, but it seemed like a safe bet.

     “i appreciate the sentiment, sweetheart. but you don’t know what i need and don’t need.” despite the nickname, her tone was brimmed with hostility. you didn’t blame her for refusing the food, your very essence reeked of privilege, and you could tell she wasn’t one to accept pity favors. the stark contrast of your ironed uniform and manicured nails next to her unwashed attire and nails covered in dirt was off putting. you could not imagine how she felt being here, being forced to play a losing game. and on top of that, the ones who had put her in this position claimed to want to help her. the war was hard for everybody, but your family had managed to pick itself back up off of it’s feet. on the other hand, families in the district had to pay the price for lives they did not take.

     “i’m just trying to help, coral, really. these games are- they’re horrible. if i had a choice i wouldn’t participate. but i don’t. so the least i could do is help you get through them.” you spilled your opinion to her in hopes that she would accept the sustenance. picking the bag up off of the ground, you unzipped it, allowing her to take a look at the food you had brought.

     stuffed full of homemade chicken and cheese sandwiches, as well as some other miscellaneous foods sitting closer to the bottom, it was evident you had spent time trying to organize food for her to have. she glanced at the bag, then whipped her head around towards mizzen, calling him towards her. he approached and she showed him the arrangement of foods. you saw his eyes light up and you couldn’t help but feel helpful, as small a gesture as it was.

     “i don’t know if they’ve fed you or not, but…” you trailed off, allowing them to take a few of the sandwiches and an abundance of fruit, as well as a hardboiled egg or two. peering around at the rest of the tributes, some of which had been staring at the bag of food, you realized that if you were to give them the whole contents of the bag now, others would try to steal some. and while that was not necessarily a bad thing, considering your guilt for them in this situation, you had made these strictly for coral, and mizzen was just a part of the package. “coral, maybe you should eat these now. i don’t think it’s the greatest idea to hand over all of the food right now.” you suggested. she quickly realized what you meant and plopped down to the floor, egg in mouth and mizzen close behind. as you looked down at her sitting criss-cross in shock, she gestured for you to take a seat as well. it was like a picnic of some sorts. the odd, repulsive sort of one, but a picnic nonetheless.

     the pair made no effort to make conversation as they chowed down their food, and you couldn’t blame them. you twiddled your thumbs in silence for a solid twelve minutes before anyone had spoken up. scoping out the rest of the tributes, you realized that coral was a very strong contender compared to some of the other girls. the thought that the odds may be in her favor brought a smile to your face. “thanks, cupcake.” coral was already on her feet before you could even process the statement. you stood, dusting the dirt off of your uniform before smiling at coral.

     “it’s what i’m here for. i’ll try to check in as much as i can. there’s some events that the gamemakers are planning, too. they want to hold one on one mentor-tribute interviews, a tour of the arena, as well as an additional interview that will be aired to panem.” you informed her and mizzen, who made sure to stand close by.

     “so this won’t be the last i see of you?” she asked.

     “most definitely not.” you confirmed, nodding.

     “good.” she winked, turning away with mizzen in tow. from the interaction, she proved to be quite the enigma. despite her circumstances, she still had a confident, collected, and enticing aura about her, leaving you in awe, if not more.

[calciumdeficientt]

hey everyone!!! below is a little commission i wrote for @wolfxplush that they were kind enough to let me post. if you like what you see, may i direct you to my ko-fi. now with shiny new commission buttons!

Lovette Jackson had some huge shoes to fill. Not only was she the second youngest prefect in Bullworth history, first place went to one Alfred St Clair, a fourteen year old boy in 1960 with just ten months left to live on account of a giant tumour behind his eye that gave him a sort of Quasimodo esque appearance, whose dying wish was to bring down sweet justice on his teasing classmates for the remainder of his short time at Bullworth. Usual candidates for prefect were fifth year seniors and recently graduated alums that just couldn’t give up the ghost that they weren’t members of the student body any longer, all of these candidates were male. Lovette was also the first woman. Expectations for her were higher than for any other prefect, just because she didn’t have balls. Not real ones anyway, the metaphorical balls on her were just fine.

Crabblesnitch didn’t trust that the girls dorm, changing rooms and other such women-only venues were all sunshine and rainbows as Ms Peabody was recounting to him; so when his loving niece, Lovette Jackson joined the school (kicking and screaming) as a 5’10“ freshman,and still growing, he had to appoint her as prefect. To make it less emasculating for the current prefects, he waited until she was in her Sophomore year, the year of her final growth spurt, to give her the position. Besides, no one in their right mind would let a freshman (no matter how physically imposing) give them orders or accept penalties dealt to them, upperclassmen especially.

Now, she was a Junior, and had settled in nicely to the position. Her relationship as Crabblesnitch’s niece definitely played a hand in achieving the role. How could it not, she’d tear the school apart if she didn’t get her way. That’s just how it worked between them, she got what she wanted from him, or she’d run riot. Lovette wasn’t a bad girl, not by any means. She was just… a facilitator of conflicts. Everyone needs a bit of cash now and again, and she found that selling illegal, potentially deadly Chinese fireworks to students that gave her a good enough price to make up for her dorm room smelling like civil war reenactment (sweat and tears included) made her life at Bullworth much more of a breeze. These little deals proved time and time again to be an absolutely ideal way to get her through the week.

She wasn’t being paid for her labour as a prefect, why shouldn’t the people she protected give her a little something for her trouble? At Bullworth, you can have money, or you can have morals. Both can’t coexist, not in a place like Bullworth academy, it creates a domino effect that eventually leads to the heat-death of the universe and the collapse of the space-time continuum(Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. You have to trust me here). Every brick of Bullworth Academy is tainted with something seedy and underhanded. It punctuates everything. Every ring of the school bell. Every scrape of chalk against the chalkboards. Every panel of asbestos in the ceilings. All students from varying walks of life end the knee to Bullworth’s unspoken rule: ’If you’ve got friends. Use them.‘ Canis Canem Edit. It’s dog eat dog at Bullworth.

Then, midway through her second year as prefect, came Jimmy. Jimmy. Fucking. Hopkins. A menace by all accounts, but a true embodiment of the spirit of Bullworth… at least what Bullworth thinks it is anyway. Jimmy’s a mercenary just like Lovette is, he stands valiantly opposed to the power system amongst the students, protecting innocents from Bullies, Vagabonds and otherwise harmful influences. Jimmy’s defiance of the clique system also extended to the Prefects. No gods, no masters, no class for Jimmy Hopkins. At least, that’s what he had planned. His mother had dropped him off at yet another corrective school to run off with yet another man that was old enough to be her father, let alone his. So as a big middle finger to her, Jimmy planned to let her spend all that cash on tuition fees for classes he never bothered to show up for.

Presently, he was in the little plaza where the main school, the gym, Harrington House and the auto shop intersected. He circled the fountain, making note of which section was which clique’s jurisdiction “Rich kids, ‘roid monkeys, greaseballs No man’s land” he repeated as he stepped from section to section. He was still getting used to the layout of the school, and making acquaintances amongst the cliques, so other stragglers simply put his little wheel around the fountain as the new kid being completely off his box. Same old same old at Bullworth. His mindless circles were stopped midway through his spiel when he collided with another person. He was facing the auto shop, so made an assumption that he’d clashed with a Greaser and quickly hopped to name calling “Watch it! Christ! Brush the hair outta your eyes you big lo-“ Jimmy let his eyes trail upwards, across the vast landscape of navy blue and white. This wasn’t a greaser, it was a prefect. Once he finally reached the blonde braids on either shoulder he put two and two together. Looming above him by about a foot, give or take, was Lovette Jackson. “Oh- its you” this wasn’t his first run-in with Lovette, he’d gotten to know her quite well, the on thing he knew especially well about her was the way her hands felt when they wrapped around the scruff of his neck and tossed him like a caber into Crabblesnitch’s office.

“Don’t you have class to be getting to, Hopkins?” she asks exasperatedly. She didn’t have the energy to bicker with a child over his classes, even though that child was of a similar age to her, and certainly old enough to know better than to play truant in plain sight, during the brightest hours of the day. “Dr Slawter isn’t feeling well, he told me himself. You didn't hear? I thought you were faculty.” he responded flatly, his buzzed head nodded up and down curtly with the kind of bravado only a teenage boy who is blatantly lying could have. Lovette narrowed her eyes a little in disbelief, it wasn’t her first rodeo. Kids will tell you anything to get out of class, and nine times out of then, all of it was bare-faced lies.

“You have chemistry this morning, Hopkins” she reminded him, adjusting her arms to be folded a little tighter to her chest. Jimmy’s face dropped a little, not happy to have been caught like he had. He just sort of stood there… dumbfounded. “Well? Go on, I’m not walking you to class. I’m not your mother.” Lovette looked him up and down, thoroughly unimpressed but not keen to leave in case he was having some sort of absence seizure or something, technically she was supposed to escort any busted students to class, but she hadn’t had her morning cigarette yet, so she left Jimmy to make the right choice. he wasn’t as stupid as he made himself out to be, Lovette knew that just as well as Jimmy did.

Once she saw Jimmy start to move towards the main school building, Lovette began to go towards the gym, like King Arthur bravely venturing out from the comfort of his round table to find the Holy Grail, which in this case was not a stupid, crusty old cup but one of Casey Harris’s coveted Marlboro reds. But, never one to let sleeping dogs lie and get off basically scot free, Jimmy just had to open his mouth and deliver a death sentence for getting away with truancy “Hey the new Planet of the Apes movie was great by the way!”

That was a little odd, sure, but Bullworth students had a tendency of thinking out loud, there was nothing Lovette hadn’t heard before, so an impromptu movie recommendation was all par for the course. Lovette turned, raised a brow and popped a hip “I beg your pardon, Hopkins?”

“I’m just saying, I liked Planet of the Apes. I know it must’ve been hard on you… but you looked great as a gorilla”

Oh hell no, he was making fun of her.

“Watch your fucking ass, Hopkins. Go to class.”

Jimmy, in another act of defiance, turned to walk the other way, towards the entrance to the Harrington House. He assumed he could just lie through his teeth again and claim he didn’t know where he was going. He was wrong. Nicotine starved and altogether just tired of everyone’s bullshit, Lovette lunged forward and caught Jimmy’s arm in a vice grip. Her fingers were likely to bruise his skin, and she’d have one hell of a hand cramp by the end of the ordeal but if Jimmy wanted to play this game with her, she intended to win. Her uncle was already wary of the mistake he’d made by promoting her to prefect. She may as well look like she was doing something right before she got herself demoted back to standard non-clique.

She gripped him even harder -if that was physically possible- and began tugging him, now dead weight, towards his chemistry classroom. Jimmy hadn’t just bit the hand that fed him with that Planet of the Apes quip, he’d torn the whole arm off, and Lovette’s wounded ego wouldn’t give up without a fight. Lovette Jackson stomped across the courtyard, her footfalls loud and unmistakable, had she been in heavier shoes the concrete could well have cracked beneath her.

“Hey, you got any more movies lined up?” JImmy asked so casually that just the tone of his voice was an insult in and of itself, feeling the familiar prick of pins and needles flood his arm as his circulation got considerably more cut off, his arm limp and useless in her grip. He looked over at his arm, the unmistakable milky white associated only with poor circulation… or death.

“Be a shame to waste your talent… maybe you should try out for a Godzilla movie, I hear they’re hiring. A big monster like yourself? You’d be back on the silver screen in no time.”

She inhaled deeply through her nostrils as she tried to stop every synapse in her body from sending those sweet sweet contraction signals to her muscles and tossing him into the stratosphere like a discus.

“Stop talking to me, I’m not your fucking friend… and pick your feet up when you walk jackass, you’re making me look bad”

she hissed, her voice dripping with venom as she continued to drag him through the courtyard and up the concrete steps to the school‘s main building: ancient, gothic and falling to pieces. Above them, a gargoyle watched idly as Jimmy Hopkins was brought to justice.

Once she had manoeuvred him up the main steps, and opened one of the heavy double doors that sealed the school’s main entrance shut, she let go of his arm just a smidge. He couldn’t run so far now that he was in here, or he’d bump into one of Lovette’s less merciful colleagues. She escorted him like a prisoner set to receive the chair, right to the door of Dr. Watts’ classroom and made a loose gesture with her free arm for him to enter. He was only 10 minutes late, but considering every period was a measly 45 minutes, he’d missed a good chunk of valuable playing with dangerous chemicals time. Jimmy was quick to shrug off her touch and stomp sullenly into the classroom. Lovette was equally as quick to post herself up outside the door. Leaning against the wall, the smooth paper of a printed student body president campaign poster protecting her navy blazer from being assaulted with dust from the cheap, crumbling plaster that had been rotting off the walls of Bullworth Academy since its installation in the early 1950s.

She didn’t have to stay, of course she didn't. Her job was done. The perp was busted and was rightfully in the custody of his chemistry teacher, she was free to get her cigarette in peace. But she knew better than that, if she didn’t stay Jimmy would make a trip to the bathroom from which he would not return. Standard troublemaker procedure, she’d done it countless times before she switched teams and started playing the role of ‘goody two shoes’. Her past career as a little shit kid really helped her out in her prefect role, she was able to get into these kids’ heads and pretty easily figure out what the fuck their damage was and why they wanted to waste their parents hard earned money by never going to class. It was pretty cool, sometimes it made her feel like a really lame superhero, one of the X-men professor X kept on the back burner, locked away from all the cool, important mutants so they wouldn’t damage his rep.

Her daydreams of X-men were interrupted when she heard the swift click of professionally cobbled, nicely polished, Italian leather shoes; a sound that could only mean the approach of the ever-poised Edward Seymour II. Lovette swivelled to face him and he regarded her with a knowing look.

“Everything okay?”

He asked, a light, almost sarcastic smile on his pursed lips. Lovette gave him a look, quirking a brow as she raised her padded shoulders into a shrug.

”Yeah, fine, yeah” she answered dismissively, trying to wave him away from her, like one does with a fly or a bad smell. He knew well enough that she was not fine, she’d gone to bed late on the last watch and had gotten up with the sun to make sure all the female students were up, dressed and on their way to breakfast before 8AM. She was tired.

“Trouble in paradise?” He pries a little more, trying to figure out why she was standing outside the Sophomore chemistry class like a sentinel.

“What? Oh god no, I told you I’m past that.” Her face dropped into an expression of disgust, that was just on the brink of morphing into offence. Just the thought of Derby Harrington was enough to nauseate her now. She’d fallen hard for the older boy and had to scrape herself back up from rock bottom, the end to this ordeal had just transpired a few months prior and she was only now just getting back to normal. Edward thought maybe she’d stopped for a moment of brooding, not very becoming for a young prefect, they were expected to be alert and moving at all times. Like sharks.

“Okay, okay, I understand,” he tweaked his glasses and rocked back on his heels for a second. “You must be waiting for someone then, yes?” He asked quietly, looking her up and down as he spoke.

“Hopkins” she responded, the word feeling like poison in her mouth. Edward’s eyes widened in recognition behind his thin frames, he was surprised she’d caught him, he was quite the slippery fellow. He regarded her with mild sympathy, tweaking his glasses again.

“Ah… I see. Would you like me to hold down the fort for you? There’s muffins in the staff room”

Damn, muffins sounded so good right now. She’d had to break up a food fight at breakfast, her oatmeal had been used as a weapon, poor Donald was probably still rinsing it out of his hair as they spoke. God, now that she thought about it, she was absolutely starving.

“Did a student make them?”

She queried, now fully considering the idea. A muffin would do her good. A muffin made by a little shit kid with access to cheap laxatives, would not.

“No, they’re from a parent, I believe. Some sort of apology for structural damage their child inflicted on the library building”

Home baked muffins, waiting in the staff room. She couldn’t say no, it wouldn’t be right. “Could you cover for me?”

She felt like a dick for even asking, but she hoped a pleading look might sweeten the deal.

“It would be a pleasure and a privilege...now go, before I change my mind”

he responded teasingly, swapping spots with her outside the door.

Lovette was off like a shot to the staff room, now that Edward had made her aware, she just could not seem to shake the nagging feeling of hunger. She felt like her whole abdomen was on fire, she hadn’t eaten dinner the previous night either, she didn‘t even remember why. Lovette was really running on empty. Her walk to the staff room was brisk, but not too fast, she walked with a straight spine, regarding the paintings on the walls with disinterest and boredom. The faces of the founders glared back at her, their eyes following her down the hall with stern distaste. Eventually, she made it, and opened the door softly; the hinges were squeaky and rusting, opening it too hard would not only make an awful noise, but could send the solid oak slab crashing down on her. Not exactly ideal.

Inside, she was greeted with a wave of warm air from the worn out, antique radiators that decorated each wall- it was the least Crabblesnitch could do in the bitter autumn and winter months-, and the smell of freshly brewed- if not slightly burned- coffee inside the busted up old Keurig on the counter. The staff room was the prefects’ sanctuary… but only when there was no actual staff in it, they would often come in during class time and have a little coffee, take a little cat-nap or otherwise act like typical teenagers when they were certain everyone had their butt at a desk, or on the track, or just… anywhere educational. Lovette ran a hand through her hair and approached the aforementioned muffin basket, a little wicker thing likely bought from k-mart or some other similar chain. It was cute, she had to give them that. Each flavour was neatly arranged into small piles within the basket, a sort of muffin rainbow if you will. Although, a very uninteresting rainbow, more a mix of browns and beiges, sometimes with small flecks of blue or red. Lovette reached towards what she assumed was chocolate chip and took a tentative bite, despite assurance from Edward she was still partway convinced that the treat might detonate in her hand or release a neurotoxin or something. It was odd for something so wholesome as a muffin basket to exist at Bullworth, not without it being full of something sinister like razors or human faeces, for that matter.

That first nibble didn't seem to do anything too bad to her, so she ate a little more, still a little afraid… and once again she was met with no concerning side effects like stomach cramps or a bleeding tongue. Eventually, her hunger consumed her and she, in turn, consumed three more muffins. Lovette neatly disposed of the evidence and made sure the basket looked presentable for when the intended recipients arrived to maul it like starved lions. As she was terraforming the muffin kingdom, Lovette became aware of the sound of a window pane sliding open. Everyone at Bullworth knew about the ghosts in the building, but everyone also knew all they really did was flick pens across classrooms, flicker lights and start small fires. What they didn’t do was open the windows. That was a purely human activity. She chalked it up to delirium brought on by sleep deprivation and continued to fiddle around with the muffins, a veritable career if Bullworth didn’t work out. It was only when she heard the window slide closed again that she turned around, and who else was before her other than Jimmy Hopkins, brushing some dry leaves off of his sweater vest. Lovette kept quiet, she wanted him to see her first, it was more fun that way.

And see her he did, after he was done preening himself he got about four steps into the room before he realised it wasn’t as empty as he thought it was in the staff room.

“Hopkins! Lovely to see you again and so soon too!”

“Hi… Lovette. I’m here on business, Dr Watts sent me for..”

“For?”

It was funny watching him scramble for an excuse, he wasn’t as calm and collected as their encounter twenty minutes ago, Lovette watched his squinted eyes scan the room for a valid reason to be in there but it was clear he was coming up blank.

“A… mug. We ran out of beakers”

It was almost endearing how much he didn't want to be in class, he was inventive, she had to give him that.

“He sent you unattended into a staff-only room to collect a mug? Yeah, likely story”

He pressed his hand to his heart and tried to look sincere “Scout’s honour, he wanted a mug”

Lovette shook her head and leaned back on the counter, a wry smile on her lips as she regarded Jimmy’s smaller frame. “And he sent you up here through the back window?Cut the crap Hopkins, what did you really want?”

Well, Jimmy had to give up the ghost now, she’d seen right through him. And that little window in the chemistry classroom was so damn hard to wriggle out of. “If I said I wanted a muffin would you hold it against me?” He asked, putting his hands up in mock surrender as he slowly but surely approached the basket that Lovette was leaning beside. His movements were slow and calculated, if he went too quickly she’d probably suplex him through the floor and into the basement. “Depends, if I grabbed you and dragged your sorry ass up to my uncle’s office would you hold it against me?’ She asked, her coy smile only growing as she watched Jimmy falter. Two counts of truancy in one day was a surefire way to land himself at least a week’s worth of daily detentions. There’s only so many times you can mow the school lawns before you wonder what kind of fertiliser is making the grass grow back so damn fast. Jimmy eventually made it to the muffin basket, plucked one, and began eating it with the kind of hunger only starving Victorian factory workers, and teenage boys possess. It was like watching an eagle eat a rabbit, weirdly gruesome for a mid-morning snack.

Lovette didn’t even have the heart to even so much as think about grabbing him, the sheer ballsiness of this kid alone was enough for her to keep letting him get away with blatant acts of misconduct. He was funny for a little shit. Lovette sucked a little bit of air in through her teeth, and then exhaled in a deep, guttural sigh of annoyance. Jimmy looked up at her, his face smattered with chocolate muffin crumbs

“So, you gonna chase me or what?”

“I’m working up to it, cool your jets hotshot” she waved him off, her brows knitting together for a second “I’ll give you a ten second head start”

Once again, Jimmy couldn’t leave it alone, and decided to try his luck with a little bit of good-natured bartering “One minute”

”One minut- hell no are you crazy” Lovette did a double take, absolutely floored by the absolute audacity of this kid. He was a pretty stellar businessman, his bravado made it hard to shut his offer down completely.

“Fine! Forty seconds then. Jesus you drive a hard bargain”

”Thirty-five. Final offer”

Jimmy nodded in agreement, that seemed fair enough “When do I start?”

Lovette watched the second hand on the old grandfather clock in the corner tick away, waiting for the last minute to pass before she set him loose “Riiiiiight…. Now”

And away Jimmy Hopkins leapt, right back out of the window he slid in from.

Damn it all. Lovette was going soft.

[metisleigh]

M&M Week Sinsmas Edition 2024 Day 5: Baking Cookies!

This one's a bit different. Did a fanfic instead of art, since I did a baking cookies prompt for the last M&M week. Hope you still enjoy it!

-----

Moxxie bit his lip as he looked over the batches of cookies he’d prepared.  Normally, ten would’ve been just enough, but this year, two of Loona’s friends were attending and there was no doubt they had voracious appetites and were eager to indulge in the spirit of gluttony.  There simply wasn’t enough time to make another batch and he still had to decorate the ones he had made in only an hour.  Well, nothing to do for it now. 

It should be okay, so long as they saved at least one batch for the rest of them.

He looked up as the front door opened. 

Ah, Millie was back from the pharmacy.  He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about her.  She had insisted that she was fine, it was nothing that some anti-nausea medicine couldn’t cure, but it did little to quell the gut feeling that it was something more than that.  Still, he trusted her.  She’d come to him if it was anything serious, and he’d be at her side no matter what came their way.

“Welcome back, Honey!  Are you feeling better?”

“A little, yeah.”  She said, pausing to take a whiff of the sweet aroma filling their home.  “Smell’s delicious, Sweetie!  Ya really outdid yerself!”

“I-I don’t know about that.”  He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

“Looks like ya might need some help decorating.”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing, Baby!  Just need a sec to put this stuff up.”

He nodded and got started as she retreated to their bedroom.  Between the two of them, they were able to knock out eight of the ten batches in just under thirty minutes.  He had nearly finished piping icing onto his last batch when the sound of munching pulled him out of his focus.  He looked up and turned to the source. 

He caught Millie mid-chew, her cheeks slightly bulging and her lips covered in crumbs.  She looked back with wide-eyes and her gaze flickered from him to the bitten cookie in her hand.

“Really, Babe?” He lifted a brow at her, his mouth twitching as he tried to suppress a smile at how adorable she looked. 

She merely blinked in response and shoved the rest of the cookie in her mouth before grabbing a piping bag and squirting a glob of frosting at him.  He yelped as it splattered on his cheek.  The attack left him briefly stunned, but he shook it off with a few rapid blinks, and the grin he was holding back spread over his face.  “Oh, you’re gonna regret that!”

She giggled, aiming for another shot, but quickly found herself on the defensive as Moxxie grabbed his own weapon and advanced.  “No, no!  Not the glitter sprinkles!  Not the glitter!”

They chased each other around the apartment, laughing as they smeared frosting and sprinkles on each other.  Millie pounced once her piping bag was empty, sending them both rolling across the floor.  She pinned him down, holding his hands over his head as she grinned down at him.  They panted between chuckles, hair sparkling with the whole spectrum of the rainbow and faces covered in frosting.  She dipped down and licked his cheek, eliciting a giggle from him.  She released his hands and ran her fingers through his sprinkle covered hair.  He returned the gesture as they kissed, tenderly lapping icing from each other’s lips, and they slowly parted with a content sigh.

“We should probably clean up.”  Moxxie said as he scanned the apartment.  In truth, it wasn’t nearly as messy as it could’ve been.  Nothing a quick runover with a vacuum and wipe of the counters wouldn’t fix, but the splatter of icing and sprinkles in their hair and clothes was another matter.   

“First dibs on the shower!” Millie sprung up and sprinted to their bathroom.

“Hey!”  Moxxie shot up, but she had slammed the door before he could even get to his feet.  He sighed as he dusted himself off.  May as well wash his face and grab the vacuum while he waited for his turn.  At least the cookies were finished. 

Mostly, anyway. 

[whataweirdfeeling]

HELLO welcome back to another WAWF interview EXCLUSIVE

As we settle into a warm and toasty WAWFswinter we of course have some new artists to present

With this also being our first official collab Fraud Issue shot by photographer @wavechrist and edited by our original curator @vyngak WAWF has some gifts It must be WAWFchrist-mas

Read below for an exclusive interview and some behind the scenes moments with new artists of WAWF

Find out about all the big plans they have in store

Who are we here with?

Floaty-man, Floaty… pretty flacko jr.. shoutout to ASAP

So you would say ASAP is one of your main influences then?

Hell yeah ASAP is one of my biggest influences. I never really was the one to be like ‘I’m inspired by people’, but I was heavily influenced by like certain people..and they help me be my best self. So now.. my goal is to be better than them cause I’m pretty sure that’s what they would

So would ASAP be a bigger influence to you in fashion or music?

Definitely the music too, ASAP gave me more of the fashion tip. Like the ok to add my swag to my music instead of just trying to push my message I can also add my personality and I can also add how I dress myself and just how I live my life daily.. Regardless of what it look like I can still be on some fly sh*t

Rap name?

Floaty

Where does that name come from?

I always used to get in trouble a lot so when I used to get in trouble I used to stare.. it was the only thing you could do like.. couldn’t play the game or nothing so I would like go outside and literally look at clouds or something.. or when I was in class too I would go to ISD. ISD you get in trouble, you’d be in school but not in school you know what I’m sayin

What can we expect from Floaty in the future?

Expect a lot of shit.. I would say this cause I’m a renaissance man of art. Expect for me to get into short films. But music real heavy, fashion real heavy you know, events real heavy. But short films is what we adding to the list as well

How did you find out about WAWF?

It’s just all organic, it’s really shoutout to Wave. Shoutout to wavechrist cause you know that was the fine point it was just all divine you know. He was just telling me this is who you need to connect with and it was a wrap from there

Who are we here with?

Hello good people of the planet earth and all the other space-lings out there in the world.. I go by the name of ShowwwTimee. That’s with 3 W’s and 2 E’s

Why 3 W’s and 2 E’s

Its always about individuality and how you can express yourself a little bit differently. Plus we not tryna get sued by the actual Showtime tv network you know.. But if they ever wanna collab and put ShowwwTimee on Showtime we could do that

And on a personal note if we wanna get on numerology type time the real name is Shomari and so every name in my full name has 7 letters.. and you know what that means

Tell us about your art

The first art form is definitely film, that’s where all of the inspiration comes from. And then.. I picked up sewing over the pandemic.. It’s been a couple years now since we been doing that. At first I was making the clothes to go with the films, but now the films gotta support the clothes at this point cause I just hit some sort of momentum with the designing and I just can’t stop really. So now I gotta make my films around the pieces, make storylines off these characters that you see i’m making

Describe your fit

We got rainbow boots with tool kinda material for the laces.. shoutout Walmart on that. Thrifted sweatpants.. yellow sweatpants, primary.. We got the yellow blazer, primary and then all the other colors of the rainbow secondary. We got a pac-man tee that got chopped up and turned into a hat up top.. Pieced it together with a raincoat, a yellow raincoat that I found so it’s like a combination in there

Where would you say your style inspo comes from?

Honestly intuition, i’d say intuition leads me and then the colors.. the colors just speak and I combine the two. I find ways to combine the color combinations and different ways to piece it together

What can we expect next from you?

Next we’re gonna have to make a film for the pieces to live in and immortalize them cause yeah you can enjoy them on a day to day basis, on the social networks, but I’m really tryna get all my people off of the social networks and out of the matrix. So I gotta make my own films and put them in a place where all my people can come and congregate together you know.. something like this, shoutout to them boys down in RVA. I’ve never experienced a conglomerate of a community like this so for yall to open yall doors.. shoutout Hugh, shoutout Gavyn, shoutout Floaty, shoutout WAWF

How’d you find out about WAWF?

Honestly they found me. Likeminded individuals always find each other. That’s like soul tribe right there

Along with promoting/supporting growing artists like these WAWF magazine pushes art fashion culture and much more

Stay tuned for all of the exciting things WAWF has planned

[gemwing1988]

The Cuphead Show: Dreamstones Edition Sneak Preview 4

Kaichi, the Cup Brothers and the girls arrived in town and had entered an eyeglasses shop, standing at the counter to speak with the clerk working there. The clerk is female anthropomorphic flathead screwdriver wearing glasses, white gloves and a yellow shirt while her handle acts as a skirt.

“Let me get this straight. You mean to tell me these two boys here couldn’t get a cookie jar from a sleeping old man?” The screwdriver lady questioned with a frown while looking over Elder Kettle’s broken glasses.

Before either anyone could respond, the glasses break in half, making the girls cringe.

“Um… yes, sounds about right.” Natty confirmed awkwardly.

“Look, lady, can you fix ‘em or not?” Cuphead asked impatiently and annoyed.

“Cuphead!” Katie scolded.

“Of course. But I don’t like your tone. Hmph!” The clerk scoffed sternly.

“We’re terribly sorry about that, ma’am.” Lexie apologized. “He’s just a little anxious that we need to get ‘em fixed as soon as possible.”

“Patience is a virtue, miss. This will take time.” The clerk stated. “And next time, be sure to teach that cup in red to show some proper manners and respect.”

She turned away and hopped over a large magnifying glass to look over the glasses. Cuphead blows a raspberry at the clerk as he wiggles his finger at her until Lexie scoldingly lowers his hand down and gave him a look that screams, “Be on your best behaviour.”

Suddenly, loud and upbeat music started to fill the air, much to the group’s surprise and confusion. Meanwhile, the clerk just looked annoyed as she turned to them in accusation.

“Kindly turn that down. I hate music!” The clerk snapped.

“It wasn’t us.” Kaichi shrugged.

“We’re not playing music.” The Cup Brothers added.

“I think it’s actually coming from outside.” Katie spoke up as she motioned at the door, which suddenly opened, revealing a young girl who is about the same age as the Cups danced in.

She is an anthropomorphic light yellow chalice a golden-coloured edge and handles as well as an orange and white striped straw similar to Mugman’s. She has a small golden nose, round eyes with eyelashes and a tiny beauty mark under her right eye.

Her attire is a black shirt similar to the Cup Bros’, only hers has a white collar, a light blue skirt, white bloomers, white gloves and orange Mary Janes.

The chalice girl happily dances into the store as she moves sideways with her arms.

Chalice Girl: When you’re feeling

You gotta spread that sunshine all around

She then jumps onto a rolling ladder as she sang.

You gotta turn that frown upside down

And sing across the rainbow

Landing on the counter, she happily tap danced across it, much to the confusion of the clerk. With a big smile, the chalice girl takes the clerk’s hand and spins her around, causing the clerk to suddenly smile, seemingly having a change of heart about music.

Now, the chalice girl skids across the counter until she stops, tap dancing some more. She dances and spins around in a circle. She lays forward on the counter and uses her fingers to tap on Cuphead and Mugman’s heads like drums.

The chalice girl now slides across the counter while laying forward on it while the clerk happily wags her finger to the beat, much to the humans’ confusion.

Chalice Girl: When the world is saying no

Don’t waste your time feeling low

The chalice girl spins the glasses stand and stops it with her finger. The clerk then taps the stand with her back a pair of sunglasses on the chalice girl, who happily stands up and waves and jumps off the counter.

The chalice girl dances some more while clicking her heels. She then dances backwards with a big smile on her face, looking like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

Chalice Girl: Click your heels

Go Go Go!

And dance across a rainbow!

She spins around and dashes off with glee, leaving behind some confetti and sparkles before the door slams shut.

Lexie, Katie, Natty, Kaichi and the Cup Brothers were left speechless and confused by what had just transpired. Meanwhile, the once stern and g formally music-hating clerk was happily waving wagging her finger while cheerily humming the chalice girl is song in the background.

“What the heck was that?” Cuphead asked.

“I have no idea…” Natty answered, lost for words.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, MAY 30, 2023 In editing out as many typos and grammatical errors as I can a few entries at a time in older journals, I felt a bit ashamed when I read some of the mean stuff I said in the heat of the moment when pissed at those I’m close to. This is all the more reason I hope they don’t stumble upon my blogs. I would never want to intentionally insult or offend anyone just because I said some stupid shit out of momentary anger in the past like most of us do at times.

Reading back on some of the past stuff not only helps me remember things I may have forgotten but to learn from my mistakes as well. I know I could be very mean, judgmental, and critical at times when I should be more tolerant and accepting. Even I admit I am a bit hypocritical at times. I certainly don’t mean to be, but we all make mistakes in life here and there.

Despite saying some nasty things in the heat of the moment, I am kind of torn as to whether or not I want to edit some things out. The thing is that a journal is supposed to be about our lives. Our experiences, our thoughts, our beliefs, our opinions, our everything. So if you were/are a part of my life in any way, then you were likely a part of my journal at some point. As for those who really burned me in the past, I have no qualms about anything I’ve said regarding them. For years, I lived in fear that they would find out my address and come to my door. But then that fear turned to anger and I almost hoped they would. So I have no problem with anything negative I’ve had to say about them. It’s those I’m close to or don’t know well that I feel a little bad about. So if anyone I know finds anything you don’t like, please accept my heartfelt apologies but also understand that whatever it was is likely in the past and was me simply venting. From here on out, I will try to make a point of keeping anything private that a particular person may find offensive. If it’s something negative about a group of people like the Scotus or people in general, then no. I still write for me and I still say no one is obligated to read my stuff. :) That being clarified and out of the way, I will move on.

I think I'm gonna forget the pulmonologist for now. Sometimes we just don’t sleep well and are tired. I still have my doubts about having sleep apnea or anything being wrong with my heart. I didn’t come here to make a career of seeing doctors. Nor do I want to be drowning in paperwork, phone calls and other health work that WE pay a monthly fee for. I know that it wouldn’t be just one appointment and that Tom needs to spend time looking for work. Furthermore, there’s nothing critical going on at the moment.

I’m about 1400 miles to the finish line. I have about 120 miles to go to reach the Belgian border. After I spend a little time in the Netherlands, I still wonder if I’m going to be able to cross the German border. Pretty sure they’re one of the countries that restrict Google Street View, and just because you can map it doesn’t mean you can ride it from what I’ve learned. I couldn’t cross over from South Africa to Namibia.

The night before last, I had fun rat dreams. There were two different dreams. I can’t remember the first one, but the rats were brown in both dreams. In the second dream, we were living in a place that was bigger than this because the living room and kitchen were practically the size of this whole place. Vinyl flooring ran throughout the place, and the rat was so big that it was practically pulling me across the floor when we were playing with the rainbow wand I got in real life. It was very playful and affectionate, and I’m hoping that means we’re going to end up with a great rat when we get it, which should be soon enough. I’m almost half on days again.

We’re looking forward to going to the beach too, for the first time in a while. Energy permitting, of course.

Last night, I didn’t sleep well, and I definitely didn’t have good dreams either. I was up a long time and only slept for six hours. Hopefully, I’ll crash earlier and sleep longer tonight. Or this afternoon to be more exact. I don’t think I’ll crash till the middle of the afternoon. Maybe even late afternoon.

Last night’s dream took place in this house, which is a rarity for me. I rarely dream of where I’m actually living. It’s either some totally foreign place or a strange version of a place I’ve lived in before.

Tom was asleep, but I was awake. It was the middle of the night, and I suddenly suspected the cops were outside. We were wanted for something, I guess. The only things that were different in the dream from reality were that we had a pet cat and the kitchen chairs didn’t have wheels on them. I had dragged a chair into part of the hallway and was working on some project there in total darkness. No clue what I was doing but the cat was asleep by my feet.

I peered around the wall between the little hallway area and the kitchen toward the front of the house. I didn’t see anything but then the kitchen light and another light came on, and I immediately suspected the cops were messing with our Alexas. As quietly as I could, I carried the kitchen chair back to the table, careful to put it down on the floor without making a sound, oblivious to the fact that even if the cops couldn’t see me through the closed blinds, they could probably see shadow movement.

Walmart is back to fucking up our orders again. They left out Tom’s margarine. He called to request a return but was told that people have to wait 48 hours before they can request returns due to fraudulent claims. Tom told the person he didn’t see what that had to do with the drivers not bringing everything we order to us, but we’re not idiots. What the person was really saying was, “Hey, we’ve been getting a shitload of complaints because we’re so incompetent. We’re not going to do a damn thing to improve ourselves either and we’re sick of all the complaints. This way, we hope that most people will forget about what we owe them, and then we will have successfully ripped them off.”

But he’s not going to forget, of course.

My Temu order came yesterday despite it being Memorial Day. The shawl may be a waste because it’s not tight-knit and therefore the rat's nails can go right through it. It's better than nothing though, and easier than pulling a shirt over my head.

When I first pulled out the angel figurine, I was disappointed by how small it was. But then Tom suggested I paint it, and I'm looking forward to doing that.

SUNDAY, MAY 28, 2023 I was up forever yesterday and slept less than 6 hours, so for the third day in a row, I ended up napping after I got up. I've had decent enough energy throughout the night.

Fortunately, I haven't had a repeat of the night before where my HR spikes for no apparent reason. It jumped up to 116 for a while. I would have guessed the sugary treats and alcohol I had but then why doesn't it do that every time I have those things? I don't know what to think but I don't think it's anything to worry about.

Almost every single fucking time I glance at the news these days some politician is preaching hate and advocating violence and exclusion against the GLBT community. I am so fucking sick of this shit and beyond disgusted! Where is all this hate for the murderers, rapists, and child molesters of this world?

FRIDAY, MAY 26, 2023 The swab my GYN did came back negative, so that’s good. What’s frustrating is that we’re still having to do doctors’ work for them and I’m not willing to do it anymore when we’re the ones paying them and their assistants to do all this shit.

He called the pulmonologist’s office to find out why they haven’t called in regards to an appointment and they claim they didn’t get the info that Galileo said they sent. Now they say they also want the X-rays of my lungs. Why couldn’t they have called to tell us this? Better yet, why can’t they get this information themselves?

I told him I’m sick of this shit and it is what it is as far as whatever’s making me so tired so much of the time (this is the second day in a row I had to nap not long after getting up). But Tom really wants to see the x-ray to see if it’s worth worrying about or not. I’m guessing it’s nothing to worry about and that it’s physiological like Galileo said was likely the case but as frustrating as it is, I’m sick as hell of appointments and having to spend so much time on health work. It seems I’m always making calls and filling out forms, and it just gets old. There are so many different things that could be causing the fatigue. We may not be able to narrow it down, and if we did, we may not be able to treat it. Maybe this is just the natural way for me to age. Maybe what’s not normal for most is normal for me.

I Google my name every now and then just to see what comes up and what people they think I’m related to. Tom and I were looking at the names, half of which we didn’t recognize. When we checked out Mary and Dave, though, it was saying they lived in this high-rise in downtown Phoenix. Mary was a legal secretary, so maybe she got a luxury apartment through a law firm or something. I can’t believe they would want to give up their house and move downtown, though, and there is no sale that I could find of their house.

Sometimes I think it’s a damn shame that he and his family fell out of touch. Well, they didn’t fall out of touch. They simply stopped giving a damn. It’s a shame, though, since they weren’t toxic and abusive the way my family was. Just selfish and greedy.

I’ve kind of got a story idea I’ve been working on. I got bored with the idea of haunting the honker. So I moved on to my last muse since no new ones have replaced her. Turning reality into fiction as I usually do, I was thinking I could go to Germany and visit our mutual friend. They plan to vacation in Turkey and the friend takes me so Nane has to deal with seeing me. I then witnessed her get in a fight with someone she smacks and accidentally kills. I get a video of the incident and threaten to go to the police with it if Nane doesn’t give me what I want. So I get a free place to live and free vacations and things like that until I decide where to take the story from there. LOL.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 24, 2023 So just like the eye exam was quick and easy, the GYN appointment was quick and easy as well. A little bit of pain, but nothing too off the wall. She could see some irritation but didn’t mention a discharge. She prescribed a cream that costs 70 fucking dollars. It better be good stuff at that price! It’s to use on an as-needed basis. I have mild burning. It could have to do with my age but I’ll know soon enough.

Another thing that sucks is that because I went to them with a problem, it costs $50. A regular PAP and mammogram are free which is something they want me to do next, and nothing I’m eager to do. Maybe I’ll do it at the end of the year to keep myself an established patient so I can get in faster in case of an emergency.

The doctor (Indian? Middle Eastern?) had no accent, and she and the nurse didn’t wear masks which was a little surprising. But at least I didn’t have any problems understanding what was being said. Florida’s always been a bit lax when it comes to masks as opposed to how California was.

They were a bit old-fashioned in that they had a scale with weights and the old-fashioned blood pressure cuff, but I definitely prefer those cuffs better. The first time the nurse took a reading on the left arm, she came up with 160/100 and doubted it was right. So she got another cuff that she put on the right arm and got 140/82.

She never heard of Galileo either or anything like it.

I requested a hydroxyzine refill from Galileo and of course we had to play form. I can never just get a refill, but I understand why they do it.

It rained for about 10 minutes yesterday evening while we were golfing and there was a moderate amount of thunder. I was worried thunder would wake me up, but it didn’t. It was raining when we left the doctor’s office in Trinity. We stopped at Burger King on the way home, and then I found myself tired and ended up napping for 90 minutes. It felt so luxurious and I love not having to worry about my schedule for a while. I just hate how groggy it left me feeling after I got up but I should be up until around 5:30 in the morning. I’m also going to spend my time writing, hitting the road in VR, and diamond painting. I’ve got 1495 miles left on my trip. I’m watching movies and listening to audiobooks as well. What’s a lady to do in the wee hours of the night when the rest of the world is asleep? LOL, at least the planes are quiet tonight. They were driving me batty last night, one after another, until after midnight.

As long as a person is an adult, I’ll be anyone’s friend as long as they’re honest and have a degree of maturity, stability, and intelligence. I used to prefer people my age, but now I like a variety. The older people can relate to me and the young people can learn from me. There are different pros and cons between youth and aging people. But as Tom and I agree, the people in Florida in general seem to be pretty mean. With few exceptions, I always thought the West was worse than the Northeast, but it seems the Southeast is even worse than the West. I have a feeling that had there been a park group on Facebook for those in my old park, I wouldn’t have encountered so much rudeness. Those people were older, so maybe that’s part of it. I don’t know why, but most of the people here seem to be younger.

I just worry about the whole country. It really does seem to be going to hell. Shame on Target for removing GLBT merchandise, because someone complained. If it was black-related merch, they’d stand tall and strong. So let me get this straight… Target will remove harmless items if customers complain, but if most of the country complains about human rights being snatched, nobody will do shit, right?

Being cowards like Target is what’s going to help pave the way for the fall of democracy. No one is doing anything about the craziness sweeping the country. All they do is complain about how horrible Republicans are yet they keep voting for them. The way to fight back is to get rid of these people and bowing down to them like a bunch of little suckers isn’t the way to do it.

South Carolina is next to ban abortion so now it’s illegal in more than half of the country. Technically, it’s banned after six weeks, but that’s pretty much illegal. No one gets an abortion before six weeks. They might as well just say it’s banned. Again, I would be squealing with delight if I was pro-life. But I know better and that there are still ways to get rid of unwanted fetuses. It’s just mind-boggling that this shit is happening in 2023. The doctors who swore to do no harm and stand by their patients are running like cowards and refusing to treat women, and then you’ve got companies like Target succumbing to threats as well. How far do people have to be pushed before they snap and fight back?

In happier news, I’m looking forward to my new Quest lenses, glasses, and Temu stuff. We also found some really cool stackable storage bins that may be our best bet for the kitchen. They have doors on the front of them that open outward. It won’t add counter space, but it will at least provide more space to put things so we don’t have so much clutter out and about.

MONDAY, MAY 22, 2023 And now to finally test out the microphone on my desktop. This computer is old, so it doesn't hear me very well. I only like to work out here on my big Windows 10 computer at night. During the daytime, I'm on my Windows 11 laptop.

So I got a new skillet and I was all excited about it because it has a red dot in the center that's supposed to glow when it's preheated. Well, that's what one source said, another said it fades. However, it did nothing at all. So it was quite a rip-off. Definite false advertising. I could have gotten a regular skillet for half the price.

Today's health work consisted of attempting to make the appointment with the pulmonologist and also trying to figure out what to do to get this $100 reward you get for doctor's appointments through my insurance. The only problem is that it's Galileo doing the referrals, so we think that's confusing them because I'm going through an app. I swear that for the amount of work he and I do that the doctors and insurance people should be doing, we should be the ones getting paid and not having to pay for this shit ourselves! The lady at the pulmonologist’s office said that she needed office notes from Galileo and then she would call me about scheduling an appointment. So then I had to jump on the app and message Galileo. They soon got back to me and said they took care of it.

Then I had to return a phone call about some great benefits which didn't turn out to be anything. I spoke to a nurse and Tom asked her questions as well, mostly about the $100.

I signed up on the portal for the Women's Center but there weren't any forms to fill out. Usually, they want a health history beforehand, but there was nothing there. I'll probably have to fill out 50 forms when I get there. That will be on Wednesday. Not looking forward to it at all. But sure enough, a few days after stopping the Monistat, the burning returned. It's an obvious feeling but nothing maddening. I'd still like to know what the hell it is, although I don't sense that it's anything serious.

Finished the Spring Fling challenge so now it's back to my 2100-mile trip. So I'm back in France and heading for Belgium.

I decided to remove my books from Amazon. They just weren't making any money. Writing is such a black-and-white world. You either make a lot of money because you get famous for it, or you don't make shit. Furthermore, anyone who googled me was led to the books, so using a pen name really didn't do me any good. It wouldn't be the end of the world if anyone found them but they just weren't making any money so I didn't see much point in letting them sit there.

SUNDAY, MAY 21, 2023 Andy’s not very happy right now. Like me, he hates people in general. So many lying, judgmental, hypocritical people out there.

Anyway, I thought he and his best friend Ken were pretty tight, but apparently not. Andy complains he’s too moody and Ken complains Andy talks to him like a child. He, Ken, and Judy play cards together every weekend. I guess Ken gets all pissed off and emotional when he loses, rather than sees it for the fun game that it’s supposed to be. That would frustrate me too. A game is just a game. I can only see getting pissed if a lot of money is at stake. Tom kicks my ass at miniature golf most of the time, but it’s still just as fun. So if you’re not gambling or betting, fun games should be just that…fun.

Andy also doesn’t like his mom being hypocritical and chastising him about his weight when she’s fat too. Plus, he says he’s caught the two of them leaning in toward each other whispering and then quickly stopping and pulling apart when he enters the room. He says he knows they’re talking about him and wonders if she’s filling Ken’s head with ideas of rebellion.

Is Andy getting high again? LOL.

So Andy wants to dump Ken but says he doesn’t have anyone to replace him with. He doesn’t understand why most people don’t like him and he has such a hard time making friends, and he only wants weekend friends for card games.

I’d play card games with him on weekends when our schedules matched up, as I told him, but since I can’t be there to do that, maybe he’ll get a VR headset someday and we can golf or something.

Did another Temu order for 60 bucks, mostly to feed my doll collection addiction. LOL. I got 3 dresses for the big dolls, a couple of pairs of shoes for the medium-sized dolls, and a dress for a small doll.

Then I got a figurine of an angel hunched over.

Got silicone things you put on your shoulders to keep bra straps from slipping since sports bras aren’t always appropriate, depending on what type of top or dress I’m wearing.

I got a short red shawl for when I’m playing with the rat so its nails don’t scratch my bare shoulders and arms. This is Florida. I’m sleeveless most of the time. We’re going to be getting the rat after my next schedule roll.

I also got this silicone thing you slip over your heels for dry feet. You add lotion to it first of course. My heels are dry, but so are the balls of my feet. This carpet is really rough on them!

Got a watermelon slicer, some eyeshadow, and a mascara guard. Because I’m so damn blind, I’m hoping this will help me be able to apply mascara without getting it all over me. I can barely see even with a magnifying mirror.

My new glasses and new Quest lenses are on the way.

Got a referral to a pulmonologist here in town and last night made me wonder again about the sleep apnea theory. I remember one of my dentists looked into my throat and asked if I had sleep apnea.

Last night, I woke up a million times, and two or three times I was coughing as if I had a tickle in my throat. This could easily happen if my throat muscles closed together. So maybe I really do have sleep apnea and that’s what’s sucking up most of my energy. If that’s not it, then it could be something a lot more sinister like maybe a heart valve. Both of these problems would suck either way. I mean, no one wants to have heart issues, but I definitely don’t want to sleep with a mask either. However, that may be my only option for getting the sleep/energy I need. It just might take me time to get used to it. Andy didn’t like it at first, but he said that now he’s okay with it because he feels so much better when he sleeps with it. He says that the few times he skips it like when he goes on vacation, he notices his energy levels go way down.

Why has my sleep been so fucking cursed in so many ways all my life??? It was hell on me getting up for school in the mornings as I would be so damn tired when my alarm went off. I would lie there awake for quite a while after bedtime too. Then the older I got, the harder it got to keep a schedule. Plus, I’m the lightest sleeper on Earth who has to sleep with sound machines. Now this shit. The quality of my sleep itself has been really poor this last decade.

Temperature: 83°

FRIDAY, MAY 19, 2023 I wish others hated noise as much as I do. Maybe then they would start dealing with loud sounds like motorcycles. There’s no reason they can’t limit the volume of these things while keeping the performance the same. But obviously, there can’t be that many people like me or else they would have done something by now.

I was eating and watching a show when I heard a loud, rumbling, idling close by yesterday. I opened the door to find some old guy on his motorcycle who had stopped to check out the rocks next door. He saw me, gave a quick wave, and took off. I definitely didn’t smile or wave back.

I really wish that project was done already because I’m going to be sleeping in soon and I don’t want him pounding borders down right outside my window. I don’t know why, but he hasn’t worked over there at all today. Also, I could have sworn I saw Ray’s SUV there. It could have been someone visiting Little Miss Be Happy but we’ll see tonight.

It's almost a shame I’m not anti-gay and pro-life. Just think how delighted I would be with all these restrictions, bans, and discrimination going on if I were. Oh yeah, I’m sure I would just love it in that case. eyeroll

Now for my good and shitty health news. I went out to the lab yesterday for a metabolic panel and everything checked out well. The problem is that today I am the polar opposite of yesterday on energy. I totally have bipolar energy levels! Yesterday I had decent energy and today I feel utterly exhausted, even though I slept 8.5 hours and got a good sleep score. Finally fed up and frustrated, I asked my docs if they thought I should see a sleep specialist in case it was sleep apnea, or a cardiologist in case it was heart-related. Looks like I might be starting with a sleep specialist. I guess there are some sleep studies I can do at home since I can’t do one out of home with the non-24 sleep cycle syndrome and the fact that I’m the lightest sleeper on Earth who has to sleep with sound machines.

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 2023 Yesterday was a shitty day for me. The night before, I was forced to stay up for over 19 hours because of foot cramps. When I finally did crash it wasn’t for more than 6 hours. Being forced to be awake for so long and not sleeping enough left me tired and with a racy heart.

I was not only having severe cramping but when I wasn’t, I was having these weird pulsing and twitching sensations in random parts of both feet.

I’ve actually been noticing more cramping for a few months now and my biggest fear was that I was developing peripheral arterial disease. When I researched what could cause foot cramps in both feet besides hydration, I came up with hypothyroidism. I thought long-term hypothyroidism could cause heart attacks and strokes but it’s only recently that I learned it can also cause nerve damage. Other things that can cause this are high cholesterol and blood pressure. So naturally, I was worried that that’s what it was. I felt like I’d been drinking enough water but made a point to really monitor my water intake yesterday. No cramps woke me up last night, and even the twitching is gone. So maybe I wasn’t drinking enough, even though it felt like I was. Another thing that was discouraging was that I read that if you drink water to get rid of foot cramps, the cramps should go away within half an hour yet they didn’t. I let Galileo know what was going on.

I napped for an hour or so before our appointment. Then we took off for Palm Harbor. The lady that examined our eyes was very nice and she really put me at ease. It was probably the fastest and easiest eye exam I ever had. Love how they have a new handheld gadget to test eye pressure which isn’t as noticeable. Didn’t like that my pressure was up a bit. One eye was at 28 and the other at 29. The doctor said she was on the fence as to what to do about it and wanted to discuss it with me. We decided to wait and monitor it since the optic nerves look good. I’ve had enough appointments!

She dilated our eyes too. Not much change with my left eye, but my right eye is more nearsighted.

Her assistant said she had her gallbladder removed too, and that her surgeon didn’t warn her about the fact that most of the time she’d have diarrhea. I haven't had that problem, but I think that’s because my gallbladder simply stopped working. She had emergency gallbladder removal while pregnant.

Because he has Medicare, he was able to get glasses there, which he rarely wears anyway, the lucky guy! I’ll get mine online as usual. Have to get new lenses for the Quest too.

After we left the office, we headed for KFC. I’d been craving it for a while, but it was just OK. The chicken was great. It was just that the fries were too salty because I forgot to ask for salt-free fries, and the place smelled funny along with the usual blasting music. They had music going at the eye place too, but it wasn’t too loud.

After we ate, we stopped at Publix for bananas and blueberries. Then we got back, and as shitty as I felt, I managed to put stuff back that I had hidden in the refrigerator, oven, and dishwasher because we bombed before we left. Not for spiders but those little flying things that are really annoying. We wanted to get it over with before we got the rat.

I was pleased to see when we got back that he got the borders and liners down next door and there were two piles of rocks directly on the ground. They didn’t come in containers like they usually do around here. So that’s less to have to listen to. Looks like he should finish today and all he needs to do is spread the rocks around.

The only negative I can see with the rocks next door is that now the mower can't go right through. It has to pause to turn around, which means it's outside the window longer. Yet I don’t think we can afford to throw bark down on the rest of the side to keep the mower out from between the places. The side running along the driveway, sure, but not the rest of the side. I got a shot of the liners and rock piles for Irma, and once I get a shot of the finished product, I’ll send them to her.

Saw that Jim rejoined the group long enough to announce that his house had been sold and to offer up some furniture.

So the cage came yesterday and it’s lovely. Any smaller and it would definitely be too small. It would be too small if you didn’t let the rat out to run around for an hour or two each day.

We still have a little more rat-proofing to do. We got the fan and portable AC hoses out of the way and folded up the extra memory foam and put it on the closet shelf. We still have to block the space at the base of the oven on one side. It can’t get behind the refrigerator, and we don’t have to worry about it messing with a washer or dryer since we don’t have any inside the house.

Last night, I slept great. No foot cramps and even the twitching is gone. I also feel fairly awake for a change. I wish these days weren’t a rare luxury, but they are. I know that sleeping well means I’m going to be up forever tonight and only sleep for about 6 hours. I don’t doubt for a minute that the storms will return when I’m once again sleeping through prime storm time to break up my sleep.

I miss the days when I didn’t feel so unwell so much of the time. Either I’m tired, or my heart is racing, or my mood isn’t the greatest. Yesterday I began to worry I got it all wrong by saying I should live as long as he does. Today is the polar opposite but even the “good” days aren’t quite like when I was younger.

I still have days when I feel short of breath, even though the oxygen reader says I’ve got enough oxygen. I had that the day before yesterday.

Met with Helen a couple of days ago and I’m still not sure I’m getting much, if anything, from her. We talked about how brain cells end up in the intestines and how much trauma and negative thinking can impact how we feel. But sometimes it’s just not easy to control our thoughts! I haven’t checked it out yet, but she gave me a YouTube link to an endo in Tampa that is supposed to be really good with putting together the parts of the body in the way they need to be put together to make it function and feel best. She addresses anxiety as well as the different hormones and their functions.

Helen also told me that doing wall pushups is good for releasing serotonin. Or was it endorphins? Whatever the case is, I’ll try that particular exercise the next time I’m feeling my worst which is likely to be the next time I’m on nights.

Now that it’s been over a month since surgery, I’m going to do 5 minutes on the treadmill and 10 on the vibration platform. One form of exercise isn’t usually enough. The treadmill will give me more cardio and the vibe plat will give me more strength training. The skier barely raises my HR.

TUESDAY, MAY 16, 2023 Never got to see the surgeon yesterday for my follow-up appointment. He had emergency surgery instead. I did talk to the girl calling for him and she asked if I had any questions. I told her I still had a little bit of bloating above the belly button and wanted to confirm that that was normal. She said it was. That’s what the AI bot said as well. In that case, and since I’m not having any other problems, I’m hoping I won’t have to reschedule.

We went to Burger King because we were not only in the mood for it but that way I could also get out and get some sun. Sunshine on the Sun Coast of the Sunshine State. 😊

Making the GYN appointment is going to be close. I don’t know yet if I’m going to make that one, but this isn’t overly important. The storms we just had to have while I was sleeping jumped my schedule ahead a bit more than usual. “Coincidentally,” they’ve stopped now that I’m crashing later. Once I’m back to sleeping during prime storm time, I’m sure they’ll be back.

The rainbow wand and bedding arrived. So everything for the rat is here except for the cage and the rat itself. Oh, and its food, of course, but we decided we would get that when we got the rat. This way, if there are any delays in getting the rat, the food won’t be old.

I canceled the color-changing polish because it was out of stock, even though it said otherwise. I’m also sick of having my nails so long. They’re such a pain in the ass.

Back to meeting with Helen later today in my closet office rather than at the built-in desk by the door because they’re working next door. It’s all good, though, because he’s not doing the driveway after all. Yes! That’s a huge relief because that would have been maddening and I would have to worry about my sleep. I wouldn’t want anyone parking closer to us anyway along with it appealing to motorcyclists should he decide to sell in the future. The timing was perfect for this because he ended up hammering in these stakes to section off where he’s going to put the trim. That right there might have woken me up because it was literally right outside the window. I can still hear some things in the closet but not as much as at my other desk where I’ve got a window and the door right by it.

Knowing the rat would only mess with it, I offered up the fake cherry tree that was left here for free. A woman named Karen said she wanted it. Then a couple pulled up in a golf cart later on, and a woman named Nancy knocked on the door to ask about it. It turns out she’s good buddies with Karen, so she took the tree and we both let her know in the group.

Saw Stacey was online the other night and sent her a friend request but of course, she wouldn’t accept it. I also noticed she created a third account. It must be fairly recent because it says “new account.” Maybe it’s not hers.

Because my desktop is a lot older than my laptop, we got a microphone for it. Maybe speech-to-text will work better if it hears me better but I doubt it.

I was going to sit VZ’s Spring Fling challenge out because it contains a ride I’ve already done, and I like to do different rides. But then I jumped back in because I was told you don’t have to redo rides you’ve already done.

I had a dream my mother was alive and she and Judy were friends again. Judy as in Andy’s mother. We were talking about clothes and colors and I asked Judy what her favorite color was and she said pink. I told her that was my favorite color as well. Then I asked my mother what her favorite color was and she said lavender which wasn’t true. She probably liked the color, but she told me her favorite colors were mauve and peach when she was alive.

I’ve been tired for days and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m hypo or because of the stress of the appointments. I have Helen today and an eye exam tomorrow. The GYN is the most stressful one, though, assuming I even make it.

The bot seemed to disagree with the doctors who said it wasn’t dangerous to live with a TSH under 10. It says even mild hypothyroidism can cause problems in the end and I wonder if it’s the reason for my foot cramps. I’ve been having a banana every day, and I at least think I drink enough water but they were both cramping yesterday. I’m gonna make a point of making sure I drink at least 64 ounces every day so I can find out if it really is a lack of water or not. Long-term hypothyroidism can cause nerve damage as well as other things, and the nerve damage is usually in the legs and feet. High cholesterol can also cause it but it’s hard to believe my arteries are even close to having any blockages. In another 10-15 years from now, maybe.

I still get the feeling at times that something up there doesn’t want me to take all the medication I need. It doesn’t want me fully treating my thyroid and it doesn’t want me to treat my cholesterol at all. If this is true and it’s not just one big coincidence, then why??? Why would you do this other than to kill someone before their time? Or maybe it’s all just a silly notion because I still don’t see myself going belly-up anytime soon. I still think I’ll live well into my 70s.

I just got up for a minute to find Tom limping into the kitchen. He hurt his foot somehow but doesn’t know how. It sure seems something up there wants to pick on our feet. LOL.

FRIDAY, MAY 12, 2023 Mila arrived today and she is absolutely stunning! Bigger than I imagined too, and very realistic looking. Her only flaws - however mild they may be - are that her head doesn't articulate and her ears stick out a bit. She also has a big ass, LOL.

The magnetic pacifier she came with is cute since you can't exactly stick a regular one in her mouth with the way she's smiling. Didn't realize she came with so much extra stuff. She's got a stuffed animal, a certificate, a diaper, and a baby bottle. Not sure I'll use the last two things.

Since Mila is soft-bodied all the way up to just under her chin it shows me that she probably wouldn't look good in any outfit that exposes the upper chest area. She came in a white onesie with a blue and white checkered number 1 on it plus blue and white checkered shorts which is just okay. I switched her to a pink onesie with a rainbow tulle skirt.

Got another dress for the 18-in dolls. A green one. So now they have green in their wardrobe. They also have about eight pairs of shoes each in a different color but I might get a few more.

So all the rat stuff is here except for the rainbow wand and the cage. We've narrowed it down to two cages. One is blue and the other is blue and white. The blue and white one has a larger footprint overall but isn't quite as tall. The blue one has a smaller overall footprint but is taller. Since they’re bird cages, we can use the perches as anchors for platforms of some kind to make a shelf for the rat to sit on. So, so far we've got the hammocks, chew toys, and water bottles. After we do a little ratproofing we should have the rat in a couple of weeks, assuming they have a decent selection around here which means that the little guy has likely already been born. It's getting real!

The hook with the ceramic pink rose above it is lovely, and Tom can put that up later for me to hang my purses just inside the door.

As for the pink no-show socks - when I first pulled them out of the bag I thought there was no way I could get them on my feet and only my large dolls could wear them but they do stretch quite a bit. I'll do a foot treatment later on and put them on and see if I can stand to wear them around the house to protect my feet from getting chewed up by this fucked up carpet we're stuck with for life.

Haven't hung up the wind chimes yet but one of them is smaller than I realized it would be. They'll both still look beautiful to see from the kitchen window. I just don't know if I'll be able to hear them because one is small and while the other may be bigger, that window is double-paned. Maybe I'll hear them when I'm sitting at the desk.

I got this hair removal thing that doesn't work at all. It's the only thing I got that I don't like. It's a tiny coil spring that’s supposed to catch and pull hairs out as you rub it against the area you want to remove hair from but it doesn't work. I say if you want hair removed, shave it off.

There’s this tri-thermal nail polish on Amazon I want to try. Especially while my nails are long because the longer the better for temperature-changing polish. This one doesn’t require a UV lamp.

The handyman helped put rocks down at the house behind No Poop. Nothing's been done yet next door and I wish they would just get it over with already, whatever they're going to do.

I swear a loud clap of thunder woke me up at one point which is why I'm a little tired today but Tom insists all he heard was thunder rumbling way off in the distance and that it didn't even rain. He probably had the headphones on when it happened.

I couldn't fall back asleep right away because I was stressed out about the possibility of it going on for hours. These things almost always happen when I'm sleeping! But that was all I heard.

I felt so bad for Tom because the day before yesterday he was in such intense pain that he said he was literally ready to give his soul over to God, LOL. I laughed when he said that but I know the pain he suffered! He said he had intense stomach cramps and was sure he was going to have the runs from hell but never did. Then he felt like he was going to puke but never did. Then he felt like he was going to do both but never did. He just had semi-runs and that was it.

I've been totally all over the place with the moods. Two days ago I felt fine. Yesterday I had a few hours where I felt a mix of being on edge and kind of down. Today I'm okay again. Just tired.

Started the 7-day treatment of my yeast infection, but I’m still not sure that’s what it is. I’ve had mild burning coming and going but if I’ve had any discharge lately, I’m not aware of it.

I messaged C about timing out on his site and getting a hosting error message, along with the intrusive drop-down thing begging for money when he already has an obvious green, glowing button for that but he completely blew me off. I’ve had the feeling for a while now that he’s not very fond of me anymore and I have no idea why. Because I wouldn’t help him more for free? Because I haven’t donated in a while? Something he read in my journal?

shrugs Oh well. I can’t control what others think. I just know I’m sick of his tech problems and all the spam on PB. This site and LiveJournal may be kind of boring, but at least they’re reliable.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 10, 2023 I was really depressed the day before yesterday. Yesterday was better but I did have a little anxiety and took hydroxyzine. It did a great job of calming me down but after a little over an hour, I felt a bit anxious again. It also caused me to crash earlier and sleep longer. I slept for 11 hours and have felt a little out of it since I got up. Not as bad as the last time I took it, though. I definitely had come down with something at the time.

I’m feeling good emotionally so far today but felt a bit queasy earlier. I wasn’t anywhere near puking, though. Too much greasy food. Gotta make sure I have one salmon cake at a time, and not two. The Ginger Ale seemed to help.

After I let my stomach settle and empty out a bit more, I’m going to enjoy making stir-fried veggies with the sauce I got, and a salad with cucumber-avocado dressing that I also got.

I don’t know if I’ll get around to making the new chickpea dish I want to try, but I’m not having liver. Walmart fucked up again by not giving us our frozen stuff. They also gave me potatoes that are beginning to root. Again, I told Tom we ought to just drop them and get our own groceries. We obviously can’t trust anyone else to do it right and this way we can see exactly what we’re getting. It will be a good excuse to get out too. We could go early in the morning when it wasn’t crowded. He’s the opposite. He doesn’t want a reason to go out. He likes having it delivered. He could stay home and never go anywhere for years if he had to, LOL.

The reason I chose liver was that it's cheap and supposed to be choc full of B12 which helps with anxiety. Maybe if I get it from food, I won’t get sick and with it being so cheap, there won’t be much money wasted if I don’t like it. Liver isn’t the greatest, but I can tolerate it.

Sometime I’m going to rinse, season, and bake chickpeas and see how they come out. It’s supposed to make them crispy as opposed to frying them.

I slow-cooked us a pork roast yesterday and it was just okay. Nothing really spectacular.

Someone's been in Ray's place. They left the lights on last night and then they came back today and turned them off. My biggest concern is them starting projects while I’m still on nights. I think that the fact that they haven’t done anything else since a few days ago when they cleared out the side shows that yeah, they are gonna do the driveway. I think they’re just waiting on the permits and that if all they were going to do was simply drop rocks, they would’ve done it by now.

Tom put a smart switch in one of the kitchen lights. I like it better than the light over the sink because it's a nice bright fluorescent light.

I’m sure this is just a dream, but if storm season gets more and more non-existent here due to climate change, then soundproofing the entire bedroom becomes less critical. We know that for the most part, the window inserts and soundproofing material under the mattress are enough for everyday sounds. They mowed today and never woke me up. But if we could replace just one of the window inserts with a soundproof window so I could let natural light in more easily, that would be great.

It's no wonder they call this region the Sun Coast. Nothing but sunshine forecasted until the 19th and of course, that’s subject to change in the end. At least I don’t have to worry about thunder waking me up before appointments.

Galileo offered to check my B12 and D levels now but I told them they didn’t have to. Instead, they’re going to do that when I have my next scheduled blood draw and reminded me that being low on these things can affect moods. I started back up on Vitamin D supplements, but I’ll try to get the B12 from food so I don’t have to deal with the runs.

He made me a GYN appointment while I was sleeping yesterday that I’ll see on the 24th. She’s in Trinity, and of course, she’s Indian. My God, why is it so damn hard to get an American doctor in this country! Instead, they’re almost always a foreigner I gotta struggle to understand, and even more so with the masks they wear these days.

Tom brought up a great idea for when we see my endo in Palm Harbor - another Indian, of course - at the end of the year. Instead of taking more medication and getting more anxious, and then even more if I lost weight, maybe the best approach would be to go the other way and see if I could take one of the diabetes medications they recently approved that helps with weight loss and see if I can get my numbers normal that way without the anxiety. Still seems like a pipe dream, though, to me. It’s a great dream to dream and a great idea just the same. Knowing me, I’ll have issues with the medication or continue to struggle with this medication. I really do believe my situation is hopeless despite Galileo’s optimism. I think something up there doesn’t want me to have a normal metabolism, which is likely because it doesn’t want me to be thinner for some reason. So if they gave me the medication, and if I could tolerate it, I would probably have the same problem with anxiety as I lost the weight.

If I had to start all over again, knowing what I do now and what I’ve been through, I would have ended it all as soon as we got back from Hawaii in 2014 before my life changed forever.

MONDAY, MAY 8, 2023 What a shitty night it's been. Definitely not feeling as good today as I did yesterday. I'm low on both energy and my mood, especially my mood. It’s really too bad I can’t quit my med for a month or two to find out how much could be connected to it. Loss of joy has been reported as one of the side effects. Everything changed seemingly around the time this drug entered my life, but without being able to take a break from it for a while, I can’t say for sure that that’s what’s causing these feelings and all the problems I’ve had the last decade. Maybe I would have felt like this anyway if I never had to take this medication. Maybe the medication is only responsible for the more obvious symptoms like anxiety, racing heart, etc. I did seem to have some symptoms during the few months I stopped it in 2014 when I was between medical groups and doctors. But things were different then because I was in perimenopause, so I don't know for sure what's what. I just know that I changed in a bad way and I can't seem to get back to the old way.

In one of the movies I was watching, a little boy got all excited about being able to move from a smaller bedroom to a bigger bedroom. I couldn't help but think how long it's been since I got so excited over something so trivial.

I wonder how many years ago I would have given up completely if it hadn’t been for Tom. I keep going because I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want him blamed for anything I do either.

Another thing I can't help but think about is how a deadly diagnosis would have left me devastated years ago. Now I'm not so sure I would be so devastated. Yet I should want to live. I remind myself that no matter how or when I die, I'm not going to live forever. I don't know if I'll suffer even more in a possible afterlife that may exist, but I'm not going to suffer in this one forever. The only problem with that is that I'm still going to live a long time and when you add it all up in the end, you're talking about suffering for a good third of my life.

I asked Galileo if there was anything OTC I could take when I was feeling low on energy and low mood. Something that would boost my energy and boost my mood that I would only take on days when I felt I needed it, and not every day.

Also, since the burning is picking up again and Tom thought he saw a little bit of a discharge, which makes me think the yeast infection is flaring back up because we didn't quite kill it all, we ordered a seven-day Monistat treatment from Amazon, along with some KY jelly so I can insert the applicators easier.

SUNDAY, MAY 7, 2023 At some point during the day yesterday, Mr. White Pickup came and cleared out the side. He removed the wavy garden borders and the soil. The pelican is still there, though. So I don’t get to escape listening to whatever they’re gonna do over there, and my schedule is horrible for it right now too. I figured he wouldn’t just give up, though, and do nothing at all. He has people he knows here who can oversee the work without him having to be here. If they’re going to widen the driveway, and I’m sure they will, him not being here will make it even easier. I knew he wouldn’t be turned off by the price. If you can afford two places, you can afford to widen your driveway. The rocks will only take a day or two, but the driveway is going to be long and maddening. I just worry about what potential trouble a wider driveway might invite if he decides to move in 5-10 years.

I slipped Irma a pic from just outside our door, and she commented about the memories it brings her of doing puzzles or playing cards in the lanai and thanked me for sharing it.

I still have mild burning on and off, but don’t know if it’s just a stubborn, lingering yeast infection or something else. My last problem in Cali was contact dermatitis, but I don’t know what in the world could be irritating me if that’s the case here. Besides, I wouldn’t have had the discharge like I did for a while. The only thing I’m sure it isn’t is any kind of cancer. There really isn’t a whole lot it could be. We’ll start calling GYNs tomorrow and hope it doesn’t take a year to get in.

I’ve definitely been remembering more of my dreams lately. For a while, I wasn’t able to remember them. I attacked the bitch on the other side of Ray for some reason. She’s a hypocrite and I don’t like her in RL, but I would never attack anyone that wasn’t trying to attack me or my property. I don’t know why I was so mad at her in the dream, but I was furious as hell. She was sitting out front with a couple of other guys. One guy ran scared to get help and the other tried to defend her but to no avail, because I punched him out as well, pissed at him for “interfering.” The dream ended with little Miss Be Happy a bloody mess sprawled on her carport.

Then I was living in a different retirement community, only not with Tom and not in a house. I didn’t seem to know Tom. Instead, I lived in a studio apartment next to my dad, who was alive in a ground-floor building that was laid out in the shape of a U. We were somewhere in the middle of the left side of the U. The bottom part was the entryway.

I woke up in a panic at around 6 in the morning, knowing I had to hurry up and get ready to help Dad with something I promised to help him with for a few hours at 7. I was exhausted because I didn’t crash until after midnight. Then I was pissed at myself for leaving the oven on overnight.

I stumbled out of my apartment without my glasses and was in someone else’s place toward the bottom of the other side of the U a split second later. They had coffee in a coffee pot and I helped myself to a cup. “This is coffee, right?” I asked.

They said “Yeah,” and resumed the discussion they were having with someone else.

Another split second later, I was back on my side of the U a few apartments closer to the entrance in a doctor’s place. He and some other guy were running some tests on me. There was a large screen TV in which I was asked to answer some questions, but everything was too blurry to see without glasses.

Then I panicked, realizing I’d lost track of time. I asked what time it was and was told it was after 7. I stood up and told them I had to leave in a hurry to help my dad, and they weren’t happy about me leaving. I promised to return with my glasses some other time and retake the test.

SATURDAY, MAY 6, 2023 I've been having one of those frustrating and even depressing days where I just want to cry. First, Tom and I caught something, although we don't know what. Our only symptom is heavy fatigue. Then the burning down there returned, and then the bitch in the park group help sour my mood even further. I try not to let trolls get to me, especially strangers, but that was pretty much the final straw.

A couple of days ago, I slept nearly 12 hours, the longest I've slept in ages. Pretty sure I mentioned this and how tired I was when I got up and even ended up napping. I thought maybe I was so out of it because of the hydroxyzine and oversleeping but then Tom said he had the same heavy exhaustion. The next night (last night), I slept 8.5 hours but was still tired throughout the day. I started to wonder if the two times I cut my waiting time between meds and coffee to 10 minutes could have anything to do with it but figured that was kind of extreme. That shouldn't make me that tired. My mood was so low throughout the day as well. I'm hoping it's just because I wasn't feeling like myself.

He got us a free pizza that we split. Because we ordered so much from Domino's, we were eligible for free pizza. He got pepperoni, and I got mushrooms.

No discharge down there, but I'm burning again. This is utterly fucking ridiculous. I am so fucking sick of having one problem after another, or the same damn problem reoccurring over and over again. What happened to the days when I could go weeks and even months without problems other than typical minor shit we all have to deal with? This time, I'm going to just try to live with it because I'm tired of getting temporary solutions. It could be that it was never a UTI or a yeast infection, but a bacterial infection. On top of this, I read that menopausal women can sometimes have burning and itching due to a lack of estrogen. I know I should see a GYN but nobody wants to have to see them, and it takes months to get into one. Furthermore, I've had so many damn appointments and I just want a break for a while! As it is, I've got three appointments scheduled so far this month. I have the follow-up with the surgeon, then Helen, then an eye exam. In July, I have to see the ENT.

Later…

Aly’s been dead for two years now. I still miss the hell out of her and I still wonder the same things. Does she go on somehow in some form of afterlife? Was she reincarnated? Or is she simply just dead? If she lives on but not in a new body, does she know what’s going on with me and others she knew?

Tom is still tired and has a slight sore throat. He has a little bit of congestion as well. No sore throat here, but I am still a little tired. Maybe not as tired as I was, but I always have some degree of fatigue and my metabolism has already taken a hit due to having to scale back my dose. The scale says it all. That’s always been the biggest telltale sign for me. I’m up a couple of lbs. I would still take that if I’m going to feel better. Nothing is worse than not feeling well emotionally. Better to be laid up with a broken leg and in a great move than healthy but feeling so down, empty, anxious, and hopeless.

Got a little winded and felt my HR increase after cleaning the bathroom so I’m taking a break. I did reach out to Galileo and they said it is possible that one treatment of Diflucan may not be enough, and recommended taking a couple more pills every three days in addition to the cream. The burning comes and goes. Right now, it’s barely noticeable. Part of it could still be the dryness that comes with menopause.

Now they want me to see a GYN. Figures. I’ve been trying to avoid that, but figured it would come down to that sooner or later.

Every time I glance at the news, it makes me sick to see these politicians who should be setting positive examples for the people spewing nothing but hate for certain groups. I still don’t get how the hell they can legally get away with doing this shit with so many sensitives out there and in a country with little to no speech protection and that’s so obsessed with political correctness. I guess it goes to show once again that it’s “okay” to discriminate if the person is gay or Jewish. If they were saying the same shit about blacks or other groups, people would want to lynch them and they would likely face legal repercussions as well. It’s fucking sick.

I was reading an article about how people are too scared to think of the possibility of the end of democracy in the US or think it’s too absurd. Then they pointed out that absurd has already happened, and how most people would have said it was absurd to think that Trump could ever get elected yet he did. I can’t say whether or not the US will become a dictator country for sure, but I definitely know anything is possible.

As much as I bitch about all the migrants coming to the US and hogging our resources, I do kind of get it and sympathize with them to a degree. What if things got so bad here that we had to run? And where would we run to?

Jim is selling his house. He not only left the park group, but he said that this place is toxic from management right down to most of the residents. I totally get it. I really do.

The only thing I don’t get is how so many people can sell their places and move whenever they want. Once we move someplace we’re locked in for years. We’ve never been able to move simply because we wanted to. We always have to wait for special circumstances to arise and that usually takes years. The freeloaders drove us out of Phoenix. We lost our house in Maricopa. The economy had us grounded in the trailer until I received my inheritance. COVID was our Citrus Heights escape. Not that I want to move from here without having plenty of money to have plenty of options but I can’t imagine any way out of here other than becoming disabled and needing assisted living.

Had a good dream and then a bad dream that was also a weird dream. The good dream was me kicking back with a cute rat. It was asleep on my chest and I was patting its back. The rat dreams have been coming at me like crazy, which tells me that I’m missing them.

The other dream involved me being in Germany with Nane. It seemed like something happened to Tom and I was all alone in the world and broke and homeless. She wouldn’t help me out, of course, so we discussed ways to kill myself.

I gave it a try by jumping out of a second or third-story window. Despite smashing into concrete from a height of 20-30 feet, I got up and walked away without a single scratch.

So then we discussed where and how I would do it in a way that didn’t involve her. We agreed I would be better off doing it in a warm place in my own country than in hers. So we set about getting a plane ticket for me to fly into Miami. Not sure if I ever went through with it or not.

FRIDAY, MAY 5, 2023 The country hasn’t fallen into dictatorship yet but there are some groups online that sure have. Really, I’ve totally had it with the park group and I’m not even going to “like” anything from here on out, let alone post anything. I’m fed up with either being accused of complaining when I’m not, or actually complaining and getting lynched for it because the majority of the people disagree with me. I’m sick of this ‘you can only say/complain about what we agree with’ bullshit rule.

With few exceptions, many of the people I've met here are proving to be total assholes, getting the wrong idea and reading things in that aren't even there. I feel like I'm in high school and not living with a bunch of older adults. Comparing the weather at my old place to the weather here like I did earlier is NOT complaining any more than saying motorcycles shouldn't be allowed here is saying bikers are bad people. If it weren't for my wanting to know what's going on in the park in general, I would leave the group, and I can see why so many people are doing just that lately. Can't say anything without getting attacked and without people twisting my words. Really, if you're that dumb and sensitive, why even bother going online?

So I made a casual post mentioning the dry weather here being similar to where I used to live and this bitch tells me to just enjoy Florida and stop complaining.

But how was I complaining??? I’ve always liked the dryness just as much as I like the rain. The only things I don’t like are cold and snow. And what if I was complaining? Why would you get all hot and bothered about someone complaining about the weather of all things?

Not about to argue with some troll I don’t even know, I simply blocked her and deleted the post. The group won’t be hearing from me anymore and I no longer give a shit if any of these rude assholes happen to find my blog. Why should I care about their feelings if they don’t care about others? They’re definitely not as nice as in Cali, but then I was never in a park group there. I don’t think they ever had one. Maybe they too would have attacked me for every little thing as well and misconstrued things.

THURSDAY, MAY 4, 2023 Ray left for Michigan on the 2nd. I don’t know if this means he’s decided not to bother expanding his driveway and graveling his yard, or if he’s going to wait until he returns in November.

I requested a refill for my med and Galileo ended up fucking up but for the better. First they sent in 14 pills with one refill and I asked why so little since that was less than a month, even though I don’t take 88s every day. So then they ordered 90 pills. We talked to the pharmacist yesterday and she gave us the 90 pills and is going to hold the smaller prescription in case of an emergency for two years.

Last night, I felt anxious and my mood was low. I definitely need to scale back my thyroid dose because I’m not gonna go through this shit again or try to “tough it out” and hope the side effects go away because I know they won’t. We can’t always get our bodies to do what we want them to do. Even though I’m not sure I believe in this sort of thing, I still can’t shake the distinct feeling that something up there doesn’t want me to lose weight and that’s why it ensures that I can’t handle the normal range. Fine. If it’s that important to it, I’ll keep the damn weight. The most important thing to me is keeping the damn anxiety and dark moods away.

My blood pressure may not be as high as I thought it was. It seemed to be in the 140s to about 160 quite often but it seems I may have been holding my arm and hand in the wrong positions. I got readings of 128/78 today.

Both of us are very tired today. Not sure why but in his case it could have been because he split his sleep and in my case it could have been the hydroxyzine I took last night when I felt anxious. The thing is, I slept a whopping 11 hours and 46 minutes and ended up taking a nap afterward as well. Why the hell my body felt it needed so much sleep is beyond me. I’m still pretty exhausted.

Currently, I'm more worried about this country falling to a right-wing dictatorship within the next decade than I am about a nuclear war. So much is being banned from books to women’s rights to drag shows to gender-affirming health care.

We’ve had men dressing as women on TV for decades now. There’s Mrs. Doubtfire and so much more. Why is it suddenly such a problem? Well, it isn’t, of course. It’s all about hate, power, and control, as always.

I don’t know enough about gender-affirming care, but shouldn’t these things be up to the parents? Opponents say it’s bad for kids to make such changes so young. But if that was the case, then we need to talk to the doctors that are doing these things because they’re not supposed to be doing anything that can harm their patients. Or maybe it really is too young and they could have regrets later on. They never should have operated on my ear as a kid. Again, I don’t know enough about the subject.

North Carolina cut their abortion time from 20 weeks to 12 weeks. Next comes 6 weeks, right? At least most abortions are done by the 12th week.

A part of me wishes I was a GYN in a state that doesn't allow abortion so I could continue caring for the patients I was trained and sworn to care for and not give in to extremists by doing nothing or running scared and abandoning my patients as some doctors are sadly doing.

When six strangers decide I can’t have my thyroid med because they just had to ban it to protect anorexics who want to abuse it, I hope there will be some other country we can go to to get it.

Oh, and I love how the Texas GOP says they’ll reward straight couples that have over 10 kids. So you can be rewarded for adding to the population problem but you can’t always get the care you need? Love this country!

I don’t know if I wrote about this, but I had a split-second dream where something bad happened to Jessie, though I’m not sure what. I told her about it, and as she said, she’s a worrywart. Then she ended up going through a dental nightmare when one of her teeth broke and the dentist screwed up fixing it. In the future, I may not warn her when I have a bad dream or feeling come over me because it only adds to her worries.

Most of the Gulf is under red flag warning. I totally feel like we’re back in Cali. Storm season was just about to get underway and then it just stopped. The real test of just how much the climate is changing in this area will be in July and August when the storms are like clockwork. I really think this is the new norm for here, though. I swear I’m a magnet for dry climates! We could pick the wettest part of the country, move there, and then it would go into drought. I miss the rain but I’m trying to look at the bright side and see the good in it. Less rain equals less mold. Less rain equals less chance of leaks. Might as well get used to it because I have a feeling it’s not going away anytime soon.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 3, 2023 Yesterday when I was out, Mom called and Kevin said a Karen W was to call me after noon which is anytime now to tell me what they have to offer. For some strange reason, I doubt this will be heaven. I think she’s trying to get me in some supervised halfway house or something. The last thing in the world I’m going to do is be a kid again on a point system with rules and restrictions where there’s no way out. I sure hope there are no nuts in this place. Or males. If they say you can’t smoke in certain areas or eat at certain times or want to know wherever you go, then I’ll know it’s Valleyhead all over again, a private “school” I attended from ages 16-18 that was total hell. I will not give up any of my freedom. If my parents have me walk into a trap again then I’ll know I’m still not the perfect daughter they’re looking for yet. Or maybe I’ll just give in and let myself be fucked over yet again.

Yesterday I told Kevin to stay in my apartment while I took the car out by myself. I did fine except for the fact that I left the lights on and needed jumper cables. So a guy in the parking lot gave me a jump and sent me on my merry way.

TUESDAY, MAY 2, 2023 Not surprisingly, I’ve been getting fewer surveys. As with most survey sites, they’re consistent at first and give you plenty to do, and then they really slow down. I still made over $100, even though I don’t have all the money yet and I went ahead and made another Temu order. This consists of two colorful wind chimes, three pairs of shoes for the 18” dolls, a green dress for them, a gadget to remove hairs from the upper lip, pinkish-red no-show socks, and a wall hook with a ceramic flower on it. I want to put this by the door for hanging purses.

The best thing is “Mila,” a 24-inch reborn toddler doll with rooted hair. She looks very realistic and definitely happy with her toothy smile, showing both top and bottom teeth. She’s vinyl, except for her body. I like that all of her arms and legs are vinyl instead of just parts of them.

My upper stomach muscles are sore from puking.

We talked about possibly finishing off our lives in an assisted living apartment after selling most of our stuff to lighten the load, so to speak. By then, I definitely wouldn’t mind selling most of the dolls since I will have had plenty of time to enjoy them. I’m already willing to sell some of them. Definitely lost interest in the collectible Barbies a long time ago, and most types of dolls in general, except for every once in a while when I see a doll that’s really nice and unique. Tom said there are several totes worth of old stuff he wouldn’t mind selling on eBay at some point. We’ve got old coins, turquoise, beanie babies, and other things.

So, as for an assisted living apartment in our final years, it would suck but would be good at the same time. It would suck to be attached to others and that needy, but then it would be nice to have less stuff to manage in the end and not have to be responsible for replacing major appliances when they break. I also think we would feel less alone that way with someone checking on us even if it wouldn’t be a family member or a close friend and it was just their job to do it.

I had a weird dream that we were renting our old house in Maricopa for a month. Only it wasn’t in the desert. It looked like a lush, green tropical place with plenty of space around it.

I awoke at night and stepped out of the bedroom and into the living room. I felt a slight tremor but didn’t think much of it. Tom later told me he felt it as well.

I then reached for a snack, a cluster of nuts or seeds that I found hard to bite into.

Then I proudly showed Tom how I could jump up and touch the ceiling.

Next, I peered into a cup full of something I had been drinking to find a green spot in it.

Then the sun came up and I looked outside the living room window in awe at the beautiful view of nature with its dense vegetation and a wide stream running through it. I wished so badly that we could stay there but knew we couldn’t afford it.

I asked Tom if he knew what was going on in the news, and he said no. A split second later, he was outside and then back in to say it was raining.

Then came the “camel blessing.” A couple of adults with 3-4 kids between ages 8-10 showed up with 3-4 camels that they led into the house, through the living room, and into the kitchen. I was concerned at first because I didn’t want all that mud to be tracked indoors. Everyone, including Tom and I, gathered around the center island in the kitchen while the others chanted something to bless the place.

Then they were gone and the dream ended with a woman with a Mexican accent calling. She seemed to have a hard time understanding me. Then a guy got on the phone and I asked if he was looking for Tom. He confirmed he was and I gave the phone to him.

MONDAY, MAY 1, 2023 Woke up just a few hours after crashing last night to find myself very nauseous and with a lot of acid reflux. When I first crashed, I had gas but didn’t think it would last long. I knew the only way to feel better and get back to sleep for my appointments today would be to get rid of it. So I kind of helped it along, even if I didn’t. I was pretty damn nauseous, so I didn’t really have to do much.

I’m still feeling slightly queasy which I suspect is due to something I ate. While it could be related to my haital hernia or gastritis, I doubt it. My body may be still adjusting to life without a gallbladder. I suspect the culprit is either the wine or ice cream I had, or perhaps the combination of the two. If this problem persists, I'll have to cut them out. However, I have had both before without any issues since my surgery. Although, I did feel a bit nauseous once while drinking wine, which was Merlot - a robust and acidic wine. Perhaps a milder wine like Moscato would be better for me.

I had to cut back on the probiotics because it was leaving a funny metallic-like taste in my mouth.

I might have to scale back my medication because I’m starting to have some side effects. I’m starting with cutting my waiting time to a half hour before I do that and we’ll see how it goes.

Got my teeth cleaned this morning, and luckily, I have no new cavities. The sensitivity I was feeling was simply tissue inflammation after the bridge work. It’s been better for a couple of days now. They did the regular x-rays they do yearly along with a 3D scan.

After the dentist, we went to the bank and opened up a checking and a savings account in my name only for work. We’ll connect it to PayPal later. They’re giving me $100 for leaving $50 in the account for 25 days. I got to choose between six different card designs and of course, I chose the palm tree.

Still no work at Ray’s, and he’s still here. Irma said it might be more like late May before he leaves for Michigan. The handyman who gave him the quotes for the driveway and rocks was here earlier but not for long. It would really be nice if he got his shit done and over with before I get back on nights.

I see what Tom means when he says he’s not a chatty guy. We pulled in at the same time, and I said hello to him as we were exiting our vehicles. He said hello back, and I would have tried to get more information from him, but he took off into his house. So yeah, he’s not rude, but he’s not friendly either.

We had a storm a couple of evenings ago that I was actually awake enough to enjoy listening and relaxing too. A burst of lightning activated the motion sensor light in the bathroom. We had a lot more wind than we had rain/thunder. Now it’s back to the usual sunny dry weather.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

SISHSJSJ ok wait you’re full on selling me on the hydration idea now wait the goodra hydreigon opposite vibes plus the territorial behavior study sort of thing??? Ok lowk im glad you did some reworking (couldn’t be me id probably flip a table atp) HUT IM GLAD YOU MADE IT WORK because the more i read the more I was like “haha….what if….” Ok I was actually contemplating asking like what if you replaced Dragalge with hydreigon but I figured you probably had some insane type matching involved in that and besides dragon their other typing isn’t the same so I was just like “er yeah idk”

UAHAHAHA LUNA GETTING DOWNGRADED TO A MUK sorry no hate to muk fans i just think its so goofy and its just like the classic team rocket/enemy team grunt pokemon HSHSHSH but yeah Luna will make do fs thank god for your big brain I feel like readers team also feels more stacked now LMAO

EVIL TEAM NAGI LNFAOOO real??? I love the matchups though it’s like that one meme pic of the pink Barbie looking house right next to the pitch black one

LMAOO pursuit is an itoshi free zone…we will note have Emo eyelashes here

OOOH ok very slay ik some pokemon characters have wild designs or very themed designs so wasn’t sure if that was gonna get mixed up or not the crow feather iridescent does slap though

MAMA Y PAPA imagine its a like one of those “a day in the life” videos and imagine garchomp and nidoqueen are also wearing matching aprons like karasus while they deal with all the babies (im also specifically thinking that there’d be some moments wheres there’s the excessive pink flowery aura used in some anime/manhwas where it’s like happy sunshine rainbow family LMAO you can probably tell that’s one of my favorite meme formats)

LMAOO exactly get the best of both worlds the ultimate angst crack fluff combo

After reading your drafts/outline/thoughts for the future peregrine chapters that Nagi is probably the most down bad person to exist like down bad to the point that NAGI is speeding over to catch up to reader before she leaves like bro is MOVING??? Insane ok but fr is some hardcore yuki stan could just throw out some ideas or thoughts I don’t think itd be hard for me to see the vision/get converted just need some guidance….

AHAHAH omg imagine a tabieita breakup SHSHSH ok wait im pretty certain ive read a fic on here that was actually kinda tabieita beef except I think it was like Karasu liked reader but reader liked otoya after Karasu introduced him to her and then in the end he runs to her house in the rain trying to confess before it’s too late but otoyas already in her house and they’re just hanging out and he’s like ok nvm like ok way to step on my heart that fic had me reeling

OAEU BAROU????? GUSUAISKSOSKSKS IM SO READY I CANT WAIT TO READ IT AND SEE NIKO SIDEKICK TOO LMFAOAOAOA

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT “haha…nice…” is SO Isagi coded he would totally say something like that (I’m pretty sure he DOES when his old classmate tada is like lmaoooo u just got lucky with that shot no skills lmaoooooooo) wait I love that LMAOO that’s actually the perfect approach to not making it angsty just make Isagi stupid /j LMAO but whether he’s just dense or stubborn or both I feel like that matches his vibe either way soooo

It looks like Mario and Luigi got fused with a piranha plant because what the fuck is that……..but fr tbh I thought I had convinced myself that I’d continue playing anyways just for the sake of following through and I enjoy the gameplay generally too but the new designs I CANNOT I mean I get it because they’re already made so many pokemon they’re probably bound to run out of ideas esp if the design team isn’t changing much but wtf is Gen 9….like I pulled up the dex for serebii and they’re so ugly SHSGSHS also the weird past future versions of old Pokemon whyd suicune become a dinosaur and raikou a giraffe??????

STAY STRONGGGGG real though just like the tags here the edits of them are SO abundant like pleaseee where is the variety!!! But tbh with the way u20 arc goes plus how saes nonexistent in nel I think it would take eightbit their entire studios worth of budget to make me convert so

Oooooh icic im not as in tune to interaction patterns so I lowk didn’t realize that might be the case LOL based off your rules for no exact repeats of trope and character are allowed hopefully the next three will give enough room/inspo for non overlapping ideas though! I’m assuming you’ll probably be safe plus what are the odds right….

LMAOOO imagine once pursuit picks up people are gonna think you’re a Barou blog /j if people actually start fully associating you with sae idek how id react atp it’s so ironically funny…no actually dw when peregrine eventually makes its big comeback people will all go back to their roots and be like “oh yeah this is that really good nagi series yup this is the nagi blog” LMAO

AHAHAH BAYOSAGI in the back as npcs deadpanning like “bro wtf” while aiku and arbok are vibing our running around trying to look cool and pick up girls

Wait I got distracted and forgot to send this earlier but talk abt perfect timing literally right when I choose to come back here and send this in ITS BEEN PUBLISHED BAROU OAEUUUH

- Karasu anon

YESS WE MADE IT WORK i’m so glad i love hydreigon and reader having one matches the vibes of her team so well LMAOAO like between gyarados houndoom and hydreigon alone her team is 50% demons that everyone is afraid of but they LOVE her and they’re actually just sweet and cuddly (actually hydreigon is going to be lowkey sassy but still he really likes reader just can be a bit teenager-ish at times) BRO THE REWORKING HAD ME CRASHING OUT NGL i was literally typing a response to your ask where hydreigon is the starter and donphan is replaced by nidoking but dragalge is replaced by espeon (in a situation where otoya and reader get eevees at the same time) at the same though i was just like 😐😔 the whole time because while espeon provided some type coverage it just felt so BASIC and reader’s team is meant to be fairly non-basic the halfway through typing out the explanation i was like wait…keep houndoom keep the theme get rid of the members we don’t care as much abt and BOOM done and done

LMAOOO no because there truly just aren’t enough poison types and ig muk is decently good…his star is his roserade anyways so it’s fine we’ll just have muk be one of the first pokémon he throws out!! wait also reader having a nidoking is so cute imagine it becomes friends with hiori’s nidoqueen 🥹 DHDKSJS okay wait do you remember the quick ball idea we had w phanpy…lowkey it would be even funnier with deino (baby hydreigon) because they’re not really found in the area so reader’s going ham trying to catch it and accidentally uses all of karasu’s quick balls?? HAHAAH hold on actually this could be done right around the arc where otoya gets his happiny (in that arc otoya flirts with a nurse joy too hard and accidentally gets himself and reader involved in busting a pokémon abuse ring) maybe deino escaped from that ring and that’s what tipped nurse joy off to its existence as well as being an explanation for why there’s a random deino wandering around!!

NO THAT’S EXACTLY THE VIBES like all of reader’s pokémon are 👹💥😈 and nagi’s are 🧚🏻‍♀️✨💖 meanwhile reader herself is super kind + gentle looking (and she actually is) and nagi’s the king of idgaf who would sell anyone out (except reader) for a lukewarm donut (jkjk he’s sweet too just not in the same way as reader)…i honestly rlly like the dichotomy plus reader having all villainous seeming pokémon adds to the “team x thinks she’s one of them” vibe in the beginning of the story…agreed her team is much more stacked now i like it!! zero weak links it’s all absolute monsters i KNOW the league conference hated to see her coming 😓

the most the itoshis get is a mention that they live in another region in like the isagi ova…maybe sae’s an elite four member and since in my mind the elite four candidacy process includes traveling abroad and training with the elite four members there perhaps isagi knows of the itoshis via that?? that’s why he’s not around when barou’s abt to challenge the champion too he’s in a diff region which is why he doesn’t know what actually happened to barou

HAHAHA you know how doggy daycares irl send like updates of what your pet is doing imagine the spin off is just karasu taking photos of all of the daycare pokémon up to stuff so we have garchomp and nidoqueen in the aprons looking after everyone and karasu with his camera just clicking away and each scene starts with like an image with a handwritten caption and then it zooms into the image and we see the scene it’s describing 🥹

NAGI INVENTED DOWN-BAD-ISM peregrine nagi my beloved…he is super simple with his gestures BUT it’s like the smallest things mean so much with him!!! agreed i need a yuki fan to enter my inbox and show me the light LMAAOAO

HAHA i think i read that fic too i was like bruh in no universe (except hollyhock) would i choose otoya over KARASU that was before miraeita was real too so it was especially emo to read

DJDSHSJA OAEU BAROUUU YESS i hope you like it!! it is SUCH a silly story 😭 but yeah agreed isagi not necessarily rejecting her just refusing to accept that she’s confessing is so him i think it’s perfect (and that way isagi stans can still imagine that he does secretly like them)

no because all of the new pokémon keep getting uglier and uglier and they keep doing stuff with the old ones and from i’ve heard the gameplay isn’t that good 😔 i’ll stick w my gen vi and before games thank you very much 🤩

LMAOO you’re so right the itoshi edits are everywhere it’s so funny…hopefully the love is spread during s2 but the good thing abt being a nagi lover is he also gets a lot of edits and content due to having a lot of s1 screentime so at least I’ve got that going for me

yeah just based on my guesses/what usually happens all of the people that follow me and would’ve requested have already done so!! so it’ll be randoms for the last three spots but they likely won’t find my account until i post the first event posts and those gain traction ☝🏻 unless people find me via oaeu barou and happen to see my event ig 🧐

PLS technically pursuit is a nagi story so hopefully once it picks up people will associate me w nagi?? although you’re right in that it is very barou centric so it might give me more of a barou reputation (for example the funeral invite that people keep liking) HAHAA no because somehow seabird is my most popular bllk work?? ig it is pretty good but come on now guys…read bfb…read hollyhock…LMAO PEREGRINE NEEDS A COMEBACK ASAP THE WORLD NEEDS TO REMEMBER WHO MY MAN IS

HAHAAH bayosagi are so done with aiku they all think he’s a major dumbass but he’s also a genius?? considering he’s supposed to become a professor and all…the bayosagi + aiku dynamic is hilarious i honestly love the prequel group just as much as i love reader and co + mc trio they’re so silly yet so sweet

WE LINKED UP YET AGAIN FKDKSJ looking forward to hearing your thoughts!! i think i’ll take a break from the oaeu for a sec after this to work on other stuff but the barou version is nice and long so that should tide people over

[deyadee]

Remnants

Before I get to bitching about not having my account anymore, I went to a pride street fair today. The same one I went to last year alone. I asked my one friend if she could and she couldn’t as she’d be taking a plane to another state today, so yet again I went alone. I feel a bit worse than last year because half of what I could focus on outside of sweating half to death was all the lesbian couples holding hands and walking through the event. Last year I at least saw one or two girls walking by themselves, but this time it felt like everyone was either walking with their partner or in a large group of friends. Sure that makes it easier to sneak around and get more free shit, but it just feels lonely when you see dozens of cute girls walk to literally every booth hand in hand smiling and laughing while you just bob around awkwardly like you’re literally just there to get free stuff. Not that I wasn’t partially just there to get free stuff, but it just feels weird when everyone else is laughing and talking and hanging out while you’re trying to keep out of the way of the booth operators so they don’t ask you to vote for whatever random crap they’re advocating for or to sign up for some newsletter. No offense, but I’m not here to talk about politics and know that everyone around me would probably think I’m some racist lunatic because I don’t agree 100% with them. I walked my ass off and there had to be twice the amount of booths this year, at least ones that I visited. Got some earrings and donuts like last year. Near the end it started raining like shit and I hid out in a donut shop, a nearby boutique, and wherever had bits of cover from the rain for parts of it. I mainly stayed in the boutique because I could watch the flag parade outside (still surprised they still did it in the rain) through the front window. This I guess lesbian couple (they looked like literally the straightest girls you’d ever see with the exception of lesbian flags on their shirts and flags, and rainbows on their shoes) came in and started looking around in the small store. I complimented their outfits but I didn’t wanna seem creepy since they were together. I stared out at the people walking around with umbrellas in the rain. I should’ve brought one. I know it’s stupid and it’d never happen in a billion years because there’s millions of better options than me but I kept thinking of those cute anime scenes where one person would have an umbrella and then a more extroverted person who didn’t have an umbrella would quickly rush under and ask to share their cover- leading to them talking and eventually falling in love. I know. I know. It never happens. Either it doesn’t happen or it only happens to people more interesting than me but I just zoned out staring out the window. Knowing I would die alone, only being a boring spectator to fill a crowd.

Anyway, now that my gay rant is over. Time for my attention craving rant.

I don’t know how long it’s been since my account got deleted, but I still feel like it was yesterday. I wake up everyday and have ideas for videos or things that I wanna talk about before remembering I’m back to just lurking online now. I go to check what comments were left and what people thought of my last video and I see nothing. I have my old accounts before the one that got big, but I’m sure the second I try uploading any content it’ll get banned too. Along with everything else I try.

I’ve been trying out YouTube Shorts and it’s pretty… fucking awful. Absolute goddamn shit. Wait wait, I forgot my video got 1 view! I’m basically an overnight sensation now, screw my previous content it’s got nothing on this!

Just as I thought, YouTube is an entirely different beast than TikTok. On YouTube you have to HOPE people to watch your video, on TikTok even if people aren’t sure they like your type of content they can at least try out one video. On YouTube you have to put an ungodly amount of effort and editing into literally everything you make, while on TikTok you can be any level of quality and people are still willing to watch if it seems interesting. I try reloading videos it does nothing. I try making new videos, nothing. No one fucking wants anything I make. I don’t make fucking cooking or science videos, the shit YouTube shorts seem to love, I make weird random videos about anime and toys.

I made three wishes in a fountain the other day. For my account back, a girlfriend, and a job. Guess I’m not meant to have those. That or I should’ve spent more than fucking pennies.

[thesugarhole]

I felt a bit surprised that Charles had been able to assign our local, semi-concealed System Wizard a gender for longer than thirty seconds

definitely one of his more (dare i say rewrite?) annoying traits for sure

His legs slammed into the ground in relentless syncopated rhythm, creating a hysterical, deafening drumbeat that made old broken windows rattle in their panes.

diversity win! first non human entity to use he/him in this story!

It was hard to keep Charles from getting sucked into the seven-dimensional space reallocation error at the corner of Mill and Union, but I managed. Suffice to say it’s good that he’s quick on his feet. After realizing he was past the danger, he brushed himself off and glanced around. “Oh, come on,” he said to the empty streets. “How come nobody ever sees my most heroic moves?”

himbo (affectionately)

ooo the traffic light with the claws is also a he/him ok

didnt think id be entertained by this but here i am. if its as interesting as the lemonade cult then yea

I steered Charles towards some food, which he stole without paying [sigh].

youve heard it before and youll hear it again: absolute hell world that all this shit is still "secretly" (snippy has no way of knowing) being accounted for when the guy is just trying to not die. doing the best he can with the knowledge he has (captain wizardly does not a human body keep fed after all)

what the hells a dead zone wraith anyway

oh. a dex. whose job is "entertain" (scare) tourists. ok

NO WAY theres a journal entry from a dex thats not pilot though finally my reading wishes are being fulfilled

I honed my audio receivers in on the spot and picked up the telltale puff and huff of a filter mask. Say! I knew that guy! "Hey, Charles!" I called out and waved my hand. "Man, it had been a while! Remember me? Dixon 11-07-02?” I think radiation must have eaten through my speakers because most of my greeting came out as grinding screechy cough. Charles froze and stared at me without answering, chest rising and falling rapidly. He glanced around nervously, tensed to run.

tragedy enjoyers right now: lol

That was classic Charles! Always throwing things first and asking questions second. Well… more like throwing things first, and then running away at top speed. He’d always been an oddball like that. I know he has his… connectivity issues, but that tour guide book ANNET printed just for him explained me and the other wasteland D.Z.T.G. employees. “Well good afternoon to you, too,” I said, wiping the cement dust away from my optical array. When I had cleared my vision, Charles had vanished into the rubble like an agoraphobic rat. “How’ve you been, Charles? Haven’t seen you much lately.” Geez, I only wanted some company! Where’d he gotten off to?

tragedy enjoyers right now: lmao, even

its freaking me out that this guy looks way more like a robot than anything else. are we mixing up terminologies here or is this still a human-turned-android-as-capital-punishment situation and he just happened to get it worse because of his occupation?? CLEARLY not a human face structure, especially if its meant to scare and whatnot

aaah stuffs not making sense again. booooo. edit: missed the dex-WRAITH disclaimer sorry. its a different dex type. its not a satisfying answer but. its an answer i guess.

A notice popped up demanding that I take Charles to the organ harvest and Dex conversion facility. I skimmed over the notice. Psh! That couldn’t be right. The debt the notice described was much too immense for a single person to have accrued. How could someone owe that much to the Directorate? Excessive gambling? This had to be a filing error of some sort. I scrolled further. Well, that was a lot of parking tickets. Still, even all those couldn’t account for an infinite debt.

christ lmao. he doesnt even have a car though, are these from like. that run down car captain drove over the rainbow? i think zee left it at the knock off mcdonalds

The G-Overseer can kiss my rusty, metal derriere.

that futurama reference took waaaay too long to make

this is breaking my heart dixon is actually talking out loud to him and warning him of the debt but his voice filters stuff are mangled beyond hell so all that comes out is banshee esque noises. snippy accumulates 50 Ls for every W he scrapes by

"What's your name?" I asked. "You sound... cute." "I'm Matilda Trafficlight. Now please move away from Charles, before you give him a heart attack," she stated firmly.

can love bloom between a dex dead zone wraith and a traffic light with a name

“And how about I get you a coffee to apologize? I know just the place,” I added, feeling like quite the player. "There's a nice... G-bux coffee shop that's still mostly intact." "Oh, you’re too kind", Matilda said, and I wished that she was here in person again. All her lights always lit up together when she was excited about fixing something. "Very well, I accept!"

it can. yaaaaay!

(is dexes and objects with idiot AI dating something common in this world? like i thought that bomb was just being cheeky when she said 'this pilot is cute but i dont have time for dating' or whatever but maybe it's common place)

biomatrix is so close to becoming a regular im on the edge of my seat

[bananaapplewaffle]

Scalding Sands Al’ab Nariya | A Firelit Sky over the Sands Books: 1 & 2

Book 1:  A Sudden Vacation

Al’ab Nariya

ALL OF BOTH OF Y’ALLS STUFF

IN ONE DUFFLE BAG?

Couldn’t be me, I’ve got my suitcase and carry on aka purse

…Do y’all just not have phones

Or an app for the school 

Why are we the messengers 

And as the messengers why didn’t we just text them

Grim, although he is from this world (there is something up with this i swear), doesn’t know much about Twisted Wonderland

Okay.

Sit This One Out & Good Omen 

OH NO!

NOW YOU’VE DONE IT JAMIL

YOU’VE UPSET MY BROTHER

LET HIM GO, JAMIL

LET HIM GOOOOO

[Car meme]

(Can y’all tell that this my new favorite reaction)

Cater is on the scent when it comes to Lilia

My Battery’s at 100% & Gonna Have a Blast

Hey-hey! It’s Cay-cay!

Trey!

Oh my god he came for the food

He’s just like Grim fr

You better show him so hole-in-the-wall places, Jamil

Yep, there it is

Hey Malleus

Yeah kinda fucked that you have a prince as a guest and you didn’t even know it

Whoops

OH NO 

DID HE COOK?

LILIA

LILIA NO

YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T COOK

AND NOW LOOK

LOOK

YOU HAVE A TUMMY ACHE 

[Yelling in car meme]

Uh…is he controlling (loosely) the weather with his emotions?

“And if there’s any trouble during your vacation, I want absolutely nothing to do with it!”

Crowley, you are literally my legal guardian.

Book 2: Festival Preparation 

Born and Raised & Ages Ago

Me, imagining the group in not-the-school-uniform

…

Chile lemme just drink some water

GRIM NOOOO

GRIM

YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO TREY GRIM

NOW LOOK

LOOK AT YOURSELF 

YOU’RE DROWNING GRIM

YOU’RE BLUB BLUB BLUGH

[Yellign me]

(Bro If I could edit, I would edit the car underwater)

Oh no baby y’all got outdated textbooks

I’mma be real

I blanked out

A Theme Park Castle & My First Time & I’ve Got an Umbrella!

Moving on

What?

I AIN’T WALKING THAT FAR SWEETHEART

Ay Ay we ina limo!

Omg Cater being so smart and not posting immediately

We love a person who protects others

Is the man even breathing

Mind-Boggling

Sweetheart, we gon need some new clothes

BECAUSE IF MY HAIR SWEATS OUT I SWEAR

It would anyway tbr

… I hope we’re getting out the car in this next one.

WAIT THE PEACOCK TAIL IS WATER

HOW’S IT DOING THAT

Its fine he’s Jesus he can walk on water

BUT YOU GOT IT ALL OVER JAMIL

JAMIL IM SORRY

Oooo the peacock tail lights up at night~

NOT AGAIN

Please excuse my little brother, y’all

KALIM NOOOOOO

A Private Park & Asim Palace

Oh we got lawn camels?

…wait what

Y’all just got animals roaming in the park?

Welp

NOT THE SECURITY FEEDS

What a fucken minute 

And neither do I but actually, so come on, Trey. 

Enlighten me.

Oh! The animals are in cages!

WAIT THEY’RE NOT

WE’VE BEEN WALKING??

What if I just got lost in here

What fuck, what if Grim got lost

WHAT 

GRIM NO

YOU’RE PART CAT GRIM

ONIONS WILL KILL YOU

KILL YOU DEAD GRIM

[yelling]

“I’ve always thought they looked like turnips, myself” 

Literal Trey an Grim are the same person

Just on different levels

Oh my god they’re still going

NOT MALLEUS JOINING IN

This Fit Is On Point & Yasamina Silk

Kalim, I need your permission to pick out a scarf for him, so I can tie it around his neck

Trey’s arms are average but my brain keeps saying pudgy 

THEY DID MY MANS NAILS

I already knew about the make-up

BUT I WAS NOT FOCUSED ON THE NAILS

Speaking of which— I need to make a new set

NO ARMS FOR YOU

EVEN THE WRISTS ARE HIDDEN AWAY

Yeah…Imma need this SSR

WAIT

THAT’S WHY HE COULDN’T HAVE A NICE OUTFIT TOO

UGLY

Grim, I am your sister

WAIT 

GOLD STAR

YOU GUESS

I AM A RAINBOW HOLOGRAPHIC STICKER

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Way Too Into This & A Cute Reason

Oh wow you walk into a ballroom

THE NEWEST WHAT

OVER WHAT

Oh that sounds 

Wait wait wait

The whole burger?

Nevermind, now it's a texture thing

And that's that on that! 

We’ll be sightseeing in the next one!