#could you imagine if i updated twice in as many months

[solvskrift]

hi hello I haven’t disappeared again I had family in town and now I have 🎵coviiiiiid🎶 but between naps I’ll hop on and try to answer some asks

[cleo-fox]

As the Clock Strikes Midnight - Part VIII

Series Masterlist Chapter Summary: In which you lie to yourself. Chapter Warnings: Sex, p in v sex, dirty talk, praise kink, wall sex, semi-public sex, library sex, unrealistic refractory periods. Tag List: I don’t have a tag list for this fic, sorry! The best way to hear about updates is to follow me on Tumblr or subscribe to the fic on AO3.

You don’t know what this is and you don’t know how to navigate it. 

Every night from dusk to midnight, you are in his bed. He makes you no promises and you don’t ask him to. You tell yourself that it’s meaningless, harmless, a bit of fun.

You ignore the fact that most sensible people would not define bedding a prince as a harmless bit of fun. Especially not when you’re a servant. Especially not when there’s so much that you could lose.

You ignore the fact that the longer it goes on, the more the meaningless parts start to feel substantive, the more it nudges at something in the center of your chest.

You ignore it all because if you don’t, if you stop and think very carefully about it, that’s when you will realize that you’ve wandered too far down a path that you ought not to have taken in the first place and by that point, it will be too late.

It is getting late and you are trying very hard to keep your eyes open. Your head is resting on Loki’s chest, your ear pressed against his heartbeat. His fingers have been trailing up your spine and into your hair and back down again. It’s soothing and it also gives you chills—a pleasant contradiction, much like Loki himself.

“I must leave tomorrow,” he says suddenly. “I have business on Midgard.”

“Oh,” you say. You’re not really sure how to feel about that. You’re not really sure whether you’re supposed to feel anything about that. Probably not. “How long do you expect to be away?”

He sighs. “Two months, at least. Likely more.”

“Long enough to cause trouble, I imagine,” you say lightly. There is an unexpected lump in your throat, but you’re doing your best to ignore it. There’s no reason there should be a lump in your throat; therefore it does not exist. You repeat this to yourself confidently, like saying it more than once will make it true.

“Well, naturally.” He rolls over, pulling you with him so that you are on your back and pinned beneath him. “I am the god of mischief, after all.”

“I suppose you are.” You recognize that look in his eyes. “And what mischief are you planning now, your highness?”

He hums and presses a kiss against your collarbone. “The usual sort.” He is growing hard against your belly. “I must have you at least once more before I depart on my journey.”

Despite all your complicated and confusing feelings, your body is warming to his touch, that all too familiar aching need stirring in your hips. “Only once?” you say as you open your legs to him.

“I said at least once. Try to pay attention, darling.”

In the end, he has you twice more, though the last one is quicker than you’d like, motivated by the lateness of the hour. He helps you dress and delays you once more at the door with a long and lingering kiss that you will find yourself returning to many times over the next several weeks.

“I really must go,” you murmur against his lips. “I’ll be missed if I’m away much longer.”

“Surely another minute won’t hurt,” he says, lowering his head to nuzzle the place where your neck and shoulder meet.

“I’m afraid you underestimate the power of very nosy kitchen maids.”

“Well, we can’t have that. I shall speak to Fritjof about the staffing.”

You know he’s joking, but there’s still a flicker of fear that runs through you at the sound of Fritjof’s name. “You wouldn’t,” you say, forcing your voice to sound light and unbothered.

He laughs quietly. “You’re right. I avoid speaking to that old bat whenever I can.”

You are used to hiding your true feelings about Fritjof. “He’s particular,” you say.

“He’s abhorrent,” says Loki. “If I were king, he would be the first I’d release from service.”

You can’t help but feel a little relieved by this statement. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like Fritjof’s unpleasantness is all in your head, or even just an overreaction.

You can’t say any of this, though, so you keep your expression neutral and polite. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m sure you do,” he says, a hint of a laugh evident in his voice. “You’re simply accustomed to being well-mannered about it.”

“I certainly wouldn’t say so if I was.”

He laughs quietly and runs a fingertip along your cheek. “I suppose not.”

There’s a beat of silence and the lateness of the hour strikes you once again. “I really must go,” you say.

“I know.” He looks at you carefully before leaning in to kiss you. It’s soft and gentle, almost tender in a way that makes you want to indulge in silly daydreams.

But the kiss ends, though his hand remains cupped against your cheek as he rests his forehead against yours. “I’ll send for you when I return,” he says.

You want to believe him, but there’s a part of you that’s afraid that this might be the end of your extraordinary little dalliance. Surely his attention will wander elsewhere once he returns. You hastily dismiss the thought and force what you hope is a believable smile.

“Safe travels, highness.”

You’re surprised by how immediately you feel Loki’s absence. 

It’s not just the sex, though you certainly miss that. You miss his company, his dry and sarcastic remarks, the way that his eyes light up when you say something sharp or clever. His smile, his quiet huff of laughter against your shoulder, the way his long fingers curl around yours. The way he listens, the way his brow furrows when he’s deep in thought.

You try very hard not to think about what any of that might mean.

You resume your clandestine trips to the library, but you find it’s hard not to think of Loki in a space that you associate so closely with him: here is a book that you know he likes, there is the chair he prefers. The memory of his kiss burns on your lips, the ghost of his touch seared into your skin like a tattoo.

Deep down, you know what this means, though you won’t admit it just yet. Not even to yourself.

The first few days are difficult, but after a few stumbling missteps, you slowly find your way back into the rhythm you found back before Loki upended your days.

You’re soon reminded, though, that these forbidden trips are not without their risks.

It’s only blind luck that saves you. You are coming back from the library, cutting across the dining hall to save time when you notice the lace on your boot has come undone. You bend down to tie it and it’s only then in the sudden silence that you hear footsteps approaching.

You draw back quickly into the shadows, pressing yourself flat against one of the large stone columns. From this vantage point, you can just see the doorway at the far end of the room.

A figure appears and your heart nearly flies out of your chest.

There in the flickering torchlight is Fritjof. 

You hold your breath as he crosses the room. It might be your imagination, but you would swear he looks more sinister in this light, with his beady eyes and the torchlight casting gloomy shadows across his face.

He’s a little past your column when he pauses, the sharp flare of his nostrils the only sign of life in his eerily still frame. Your heart is pounding so hard that you worry it might somehow give you away, impossible as it seems. He doesn’t know about the library, you tell yourself, willing it to be true. He doesn’t know I’m here.

His gaze sweeps over the room, his eyes squinting against the torchlight. The permanent line between his eyebrows deepens, almost as if he knows something is not quite right.

But finally, after a long moment, he seems to think better of it and continues on his way, footsteps echoing ominously in the large room.

You only let out your held breath when he leaves. You wait until his footsteps fade and then you make yourself count to one hundred before you tiptoe your way back to your room, your heart pounding the whole way.

If you were sensible, you would give up going to the library. You know that.

But with Loki gone, it’s the only thing you have to look forward to, and for that reason, you can’t quite convince yourself to give it up, though you do start taking a different route back.

And agonizingly slowly, those first four weeks pass.

On the first night of the fifth week, it occurs to you that you’re a little over halfway through. Assuming, of course, that it’s only two months and not longer like he thought it could be.

Assuming, of course, that he still wants you when he returns.

You decide that you’re not going to think about either possibility or the little blip of melancholy that creates strange tightness in your chest. It’s nothing. Nothing at all.

On the third night of the fifth week, you hear footsteps in the stacks.

It must be Fritjof.

You try not to panic as you set the book carefully on the shelf, listening intently. There was always part of you that knew that this was too risky to continue, that being discovered was always the inevitable conclusion. He’d nearly caught you once already, why didn’t you think this time would be different?

A voice comes from behind you. “And what business does a kitchen maid have in the palace library?”

There’s about a half second of terror before you realize that the voice is not Fritjof’s. 

It’s Loki’s.

Before you can turn around, strong arms are wrapping around your waist from behind, a broad chest pressing against your back. You relax almost instantly, your fear turning to something that you will later recognize as joy.

“You’re shaking,” he says, pressing a kiss against your neck.

“You frightened me half to death,” you say, your heart beating wildly, half from joy and half from fear. “I thought you were Fritjof.”

“Such grievous attacks on my character already?” he tuts against your neck, though you can feel him smiling. “Any sensible man would be offended by such a comparison.”

“He nearly caught me last week. And you’re much earlier than you said—I didn’t think to expect you.”

He presses a soft kiss against your neck. “Are you disappointed?”

“That depends on how churlish you intend to be,” you say.

He laughs and it only makes you ache for him. He turns you around and before you can get a proper look at him, he’s pulling you flush against him and kissing you deeply.

The restless, yearning ache that you’ve felt in your soul since he left finally stills when his lips touch yours. Kissing Loki feels like coming home—it feels so perfect, so right that it would scare you a little bit if there were room in your heart for any feeling other than joy.

It’s a minute or so later when he finally draws back just a little—only enough to speak. “Did you miss me?” he breathes against your lips.

Happy as you are, your first instinct is to deflect. You can’t be vulnerable. Not yet. “I would ask the same of you,” you say.

Instead of answering you directly, he presses his hips against yours so you can feel the hard length of him already straining at the confines of his trousers. You suck in a breath through your teeth.

“Now give me a proper answer,” he says, his voice dipping into a slight growl that awakens that familiar, aching heat low in your hips.

A shiver snakes up your spine. “Yes,” you say. “Very much.”

His eyes flash and suddenly he’s pressing you back against the shelf and kissing you deeply. Desperately. You arch against him as his hands palm your breasts before dropping to your hips to pull you closer still, close enough that you can’t help but feel the hard press of his cock against you.

He pulls away abruptly, grabbing you by the wrist and leading you deeper into the stacks.

“Where are we going?” There’s a breathy quality to your voice that you hope doesn’t reveal too much.

“You’ll see.”

His destination is a dark, secluded corner near a collection of atlases. Before you can ask more questions, he’s pressing you up against a wall and you realize with a thrill that he intends to have you right here in the library.

“We could be seen,” you say as he hitches up your skirts and hooks your leg up around his waist. But your voice lacks conviction and you can both hear it.

“It’s late and no one ever comes back here.” His hand slips between your thighs, pushing your undergarments aside. “And I need you now.”

It’s a thrilling admission made all the more compelling by his long fingers stroking your slick folds and circling your clit.

“Oh, you did miss me,” he breathes as he slides a finger inside of you. “My poor little kitchen maid, so slick and unsatisfied.”

You are aching and a whimper catches in the back of your throat as he presses the heel of his hand against your clit. You grab his shoulders as a second finger joins the first. “Please, I need—”

“What do you need?” he purrs as he curls his fingers. “Do you need to come before I fuck you into this wall?”

You nod, panting. “Please.”

He chuckles darkly. “Darling, you know that’s not good enough.”

Your clit is throbbing as you tense around his fingers. You’re so close and his time away has left you needy and desperate. “Make me come, Loki. Please.”

His grin is wicked. “Good girl.”

His eyes take on a particular kind of focus that you only ever see when he’s got you hot and bothered and chasing an orgasm. His fingers are fucking into you with a slow precision, the heel of his palm grinding against your throbbing clit, nudging you closer.

“You’re so close,” he says, looking at you hungrily. “I love it when you’re like this, all wild and wanton.” He licks his lips. “You’re going to have to be quiet, though. Can you do that, darling?”

You manage a nod, but barely. The leg that’s not hooked around his waist is trembling.

“I’ve got you, sweet,” he murmurs, his arm firmly squeezing your waist. “Let go. Come for me.”

Your breath is coming in quick, shallow bursts. The instruction to be quiet seemed doable at first, but the feeling that’s cresting inside of you is so much bigger and stronger than you thought. You’re not going to be able to keep quiet.

“Loki,” you gasp in the last few seconds. “I can’t—”

Somehow, he understands your meaning because he covers your mouth with his, muffling your cries as you come hard, your fingernails digging into his back as you shake so hard your leg threatens to give out.

He doesn’t stop kissing you until the last shudder pulses through you.

“Oh, that’s lovely,” he says reverently. “Just lovely.”

“Please—”

You don’t have to say any more. He fumbles with the fastenings on his trousers and frees his cock. There’s no teasing, no delay as he positions himself at your entrance—he wants you too badly to play his usual games, his desire heightened by your weeks apart. He slides into you easily, lifting you fully off the floor as he sheathes himself in you. You whimper and he sighs, mumbling a string of curses under his breath.

“Norns, I missed this,” he murmurs, leaning back in to kiss you.

If you’d planned things properly, you would be back in his room or somewhere private where you could be as loud as you needed to be. This reunion has awoken something primal and hungry in both of you and staying quiet is a struggle. His hips take up a quick pace, driving into you with a speed and force that speaks to the profound need that had brought you to the corner of the library in the first place. He quickly finds the angle that makes you see stars and soon enough, you’re trembling around him.

“You take my cock so well, darling,” he mumbles against your throat, teeth scraping against the tender skin. “So good for me, so tight.”

“I’m so close—”

“I know, lovely, I can feel you.” He presses his forehead against yours, emerald eyes intent. “Come with me,” he grits out.

You keep your eyes locked with his until the force of your orgasm tips your head back against the wall, your eyes fluttering shut as you clench around his cock. He is close behind, gasping out your name as he buries his face in your neck.

It’s a good minute or so before he withdraws, and he seems reluctant to do so. There is something decadent and scandalous about his spend dripping down the inside of your thigh, but you decide you rather like the feeling. It makes you feel like his in a very raw and primal way.

You try not to think about the fact that you have any desire to be his.

He takes your hands in his and a green light spreads over the two of you. When it dissipates, you find yourself in his chambers, in front of his bed.

“You couldn’t have done that earlier?” you ask.

“It requires some concentration and my mind was singularly occupied,” he says. “I can’t imagine that you would have been very pleased had we arrived in separate places.”

He is right, but you don't want to say as much.

“I’d thought that your skill with magic was too great for such silly mistakes,” you say instead.

“I see my absence has not blunted your tongue.”

You smirk. “I hope you didn’t expect it to. I could not bear for you to be disappointed.”

He chuckles. “Not at all.”

He kisses you again and it’s slow and intimate in a way you don’t expect, in a way that warms you from the inside out.

“I’ve quite forgotten what you look like in my bed,” he murmurs against your lips.

“I suppose I could remind you,” you say.

He kisses you once more. “Turn around.”

He undoes the buttons on the back of your dress with achingly slow precision, pressing soft kisses against the back of your neck and all along your shoulders and spine. Your dress and then your shift and undergarments fall to the floor until you are bare before him.

His fingertips lightly trail along your rib cage and under the curve of your breasts. You suck in a shaky breath. You’ve just had him, but you’re already aching for him again.

His thumbs brush against your nipples and a soft moan falls from your lips.

“You can’t possibly need me again so soon,” he says, but you can tell from the rasp in his voice that this is not one-sided in the slightest. “You’re still dripping with my seed.”

You arch your back so that your ass presses against the growing bulge in his trousers. “You speak as though I am the only one with such a need.”

He hums, pressing back against you. “Perhaps you’re not.”

You look over your shoulder. “Well, your highness?”

He laughs low in his throat, one hand sliding between your legs, gently circling your still sensitive clit. “And here I thought you would be too sated for such boldness.”

“Perhaps you’ll have to try harder this time.”

You’re immediately gratified by the feeling of his bare skin at your back and you barely suppress a shiver. Typically if he resorts to magic to remove his clothes, it ends quite enjoyably for you.

“Perhaps I’ll fuck the boldness right out of you,” he says, his voice growing dark in a way that makes the muscles of your cunt ache in anticipation. You bend at the waist, bracing your hands against the edge of the bed to support yourself as he drags his cock along your dripping folds. “You speak sharply now, but we both know that you turn into a whimpering mess the moment you have my cock in your tight and greedy cunt.”

Quite suddenly, he’s at your entrance and pressing into you, his passage eased by the heady combination of your slickness and his come from earlier. Your back arches and you push up on your tiptoes, trying to take him deeper.

You can’t quite help the sigh that escapes your lips, even though it causes him to chuckle because it proves his point. His fingers massage your clit and you shudder, letting out a soft moan.

“Oh, you’ll have to do better than that, darling,” he says. “It’s been weeks since I last heard you scream for me.”

You cast a glance over your shoulder. “Like I said, highness: you’ll just have to try harder.”

His eyes darken in a way that makes you shiver. “You’ve grown bolder in my absence, love.”

You smirk. “Then teach me a lesson.”

Your intention is to goad him into fucking you hard enough to make the ache of these last few weeks disappear. His wide, feral grin makes you think you might have succeeded.

“Well, darling,” he purrs, his hips snapping hard against you in a way that makes your toes curl, “if you insist.”

He slips easily into a brisk pace, his fingers rubbing languorously at your clit. The contrast between the two is enough to make you moan in a way that’s so so wanton it’s almost embarrassing. 

“Yes, I want to hear all of your lovely noises,” he purrs. “Let me hear how much you missed me.”

His slow pace on your clit is still at odds with the way he’s fucking you and it’s driving you absolutely wild. You’re only getting the added stimulation on every other thrust and while it feels good, it’s not helping you get any closer to coming.

You tolerate it for as long as you can stand, but eventually you can’t help but moan. “Please, Loki.”

“Please what, my love?” he asks and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

“More.”

He knows your body well enough at this point that he doesn’t have to ask what you mean—he simply begins massaging your clit in time with the thrust of his cock, making you keen.

“Like that?”

You can only moan in assent and he lets out a low chuckle as he continues with his new pace.

This is what you really needed, you think. His large hand firm on your hips, fingers on your clit, his movements just a little rough, his skin slapping against yours as he drives into you with hard and steady thrusts. You can feel the edge starting to approach, all of your muscles tingling and tensing in anticipation of your release. 

He knows your body well—too well, perhaps—and he recognizes how your muscles tighten and twitch around his cock right before you come undone.

And he stops, withdrawing from you completely. “Not yet,” he says.

The whine you let out is perhaps the most pathetic noise you’ve ever made in your life. “Loki, please.”

He turns you around, silencing your protests with a slow, deep kiss. “I need you closer,” he mumbles against your lips.

You let him guide you down onto the bed. While you like it when he takes you from behind, there’s an intimacy to having him on top of you. You can catalog his expressions, count the flecks of gold in his green eyes. You feel simultaneously as though you are perched on a cliff of great height and peering down, but also warm and safe.

It’s a feeling that you probably ought to interrogate; instead you push it from your mind.

He kisses you as he eases back into you and you wrap your legs around his waist, urging him closer.

He’s slow and gentle with you. You thought you wanted fast and rough, but this…this is an unexpected perfection. You can feel every inch of him stretching and stroking the velvety inner walls of your cunt and every movement is somehow better than the last.

The buildup is slow and unhurried, the opposite of the library, the opposite of how he’d been driving into you mere moments before. He looks deep into your eyes, interrupted only when your lashes or his flutter shut against the rising tides within you both. It’s stirring something in your heart and you find yourself wanting to tell him that you missed this, you missed him, but the words stick in your throat and you suppose that’s probably for the best because these sort of things shouldn’t be spoken aloud when you are a servant who is bedding a prince in secret.

You shouldn’t be thinking about this. Not now. Probably not ever. Instead, you draw your focus to the coil that is slowly winding in the pit of your stomach and roll your hips up to meet his slow thrusts. You pull him down to kiss you, hoping that his focus on taking you to your peak eclipses the fact that there’s far too much feeling in your kiss.

And moments later, your toes curl one last time and you cry out as you completely unravel. He groans deeply and gives two more sharp thrusts before he succumbs to his own bliss.

He gradually slows to a halt, dropping his head to your chest as he catches his breath. You close your eyes, relishing the feel of him on top of you, still pressed inside you, the feel of his sheets on your back. You missed this. You missed him. You—

You shouldn’t continue that thought. You shouldn’t admit to that feeling, even to yourself. It’s stupid. It’s dangerous.

Don’t say it. Don’t think it.

Loki gives a satisfied sigh, breaking you out of your thoughts. “The next time I say I need to be away for weeks at a time, tell me I’m a fool,” he mumbles.

“I’ll tell you you’re a fool regardless of your travel plans,” you say.

His laughter rumbling against your bare skin might be one of the best sounds in the world. “I would expect no less.”

He eases out of you, vanishing the mess and quickly pulling you to his side. You rest your head against his shoulder and wrap your arms around his chest, draping your leg across his stomach for good measure.

“Did it go well?” you say after a moment of quiet. “Your business on Midgard, I mean.”

He sighs. “It was tedious. I’d rather have stayed here.”

You wonder if he means here on Asgard or here in bed with you. You’re not foolish enough to ask, though you are foolish enough to hope.

“I think it sounds exciting,” you say. “I’ve never left Asgard.”

“I’ll take you, someday.”

The promise in those words—and their sheer impossibility—raises a lump in your throat. “I rather think that would be frowned upon,” you say lightly.

“All the more reason for it.” He strokes a hand along your thigh. “And how did you occupy yourself without my stimulating company?”

“Oh, nothing terribly exciting,” you say. “I started reading in the library again.”

“I suppose I have been monopolizing your evenings,” he says, fingers tickling your thigh. “Though I don’t understand why you don’t simply take a book to your quarters.”

You swat at his hand. “You know that’s not permitted.”

He catches your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. “Neither is this, technically.”

“Yes, well.” You clear your throat. “I’d rather not give anyone more reasons to look more closely at my evening activities for that reason.”

“Am I to understand that you prefer my bed to the finest Asgardian literature?”

“That may be your understanding, but that’s not what I said.”

“Well.” He presses a kiss against the top of your head. “I suppose I’ll have to make my bed more tempting, then.”

It’s the sort of offhand comment you write off as a silly flirtation—he doesn’t mean anything by it, surely. It’s entirely forgettable.

Except…the next night, there’s a stack of books for you beside his bed.

“What’s this?” you say, trying to ignore the lump in your throat.

“I told you I intended to make my bed more tempting,” he says.

His eyes are glittering with mischief, but the gesture itself is achingly sweet, one that plucks at your heartstrings and reminds you of all the feelings that you’re pretending you’re not having. He had retrieved the book you’d been reading last night, along with titles by authors you mentioned liking back in the garden so many weeks ago. 

That night, he makes you read aloud from a book of love poems while he buries his face between your thighs, his tongue moving in iambs and dactyls on your clit until you come with poetry and his name on your lips. In the afterglow, you curl up next to him and read while he does the same, until you need each other again. It’s a new part of your routine, one that you’ll repeat many times in the coming days.

It’s there in the hazy paradise between prose and the bliss of his touch that a small, secret voice inside of you begins to admit that as much as you say it’s a harmless bit of fun, the situation has spiraled out of control in the worst possible way:

You’ve fallen in love with him. And you know it’s only a matter of time before he breaks your heart.

Next chapter coming soon

[alwritey-aphrodite]

cozy sweaters with jamie tart PLS!!!! <3 ur amazing

2024 Fall Blurbs

As much as you love Jamie, you’re of the opinion that his fashion taste could use a little work. You know that he puts time and care into buying pieces and putting together outfits, and you love that he knows the styles he feels best in, but there are only so many expensive matching sweat sets and tracksuits you can look at in your closet before going insane. He knows how to clean up well, has an extensive repertoire of date night outfits and clothes for events, as well as more casual outfits, but you wouldn’t be upset if all of his puffer vests magically disappeared.

“I got you a present,” you say as you enter the kitchen, throwing your shopping bags onto the table before turning to Jamie with a grin. “Ok, it’s really a present for me, but the physical object is for you.” You’d been doing some window shopping, with the desire to find a few pieces to spice up and update your cold weather wardrobe, when you’d stumbled into a shop you’ve never heard of, drawn in by the colorful knitwear in the window.

The whole store was full of sweaters and vests and scarves and hats, any sort of knit object you could imagine, in an array of decadent, rich colors and yarn so soft it seemed obscene. You could have spent hours in there, inspecting every single piece twice over, when you managed to find the most beautiful sweater imaginable. It’s a rich, deep green, perfect for the fall and winter months, and while you’d expected it to be at least a little scratchy, slipping it over your head was like entering a cloud. You’d barely looked at yourself in the mirror for a second before you made up your mind about purchasing it, certain you’d regret your decision forever if you left the store empty-handed.

As you made your way to the register, you passed by the men’s section, and you were so excited you could have squealed when you saw the same sweater you were currently holding, only this time in Jamie’s size. It was as if your hands were moving on their own accord as you snatched up the second sweater and marched towards the checkout, coming to outside the shop with two new sweaters, one for you and one for Jamie.

“Just try it on, ok? And keep an open mind?” You ask as you hand Jamie the shopping bag with his sweater, your matching one tucked in with the rest of your purchases. You can tell that you’re freaking him out a little, and that any normal item of clothing wouldn’t come with so many caveats, but he leaves the kitchen all the same, giving you just enough time to throw on your own sweater before he reemerges.

It takes him a few seconds, staring at you as your grin threatens to split your face, but then he’s laughing, doubling over with the force of it.

“Babe, this is ridiculous,” he says once he can breathe again, crossing the kitchen to wrap you in his arms.

“I know, that’s why I bought them,” you explain, rewarded for your joy with a kiss to your forehead.

“We’ll have to wear these tomorrow, when we go out for dinner,” he proposes, resisting the urge to laugh again.

“It’s like you read my mind.”

[jklpopcorn]

*crawls out of the in stars and time timeloop, visibly disheveled and exhausted after spending 33 hours playing + Another 2 hours mass reblogging with friend* WE MADE IT TO THE END, OH LORD, WHO SAID THAT THE GAME WAS ONLY 21 HOURS LONG

Hiii! This is an update on my last ask pertaining to finishing Start Again and starting ISAT. It tooked another session to completed SAAPAand then over ten 3 hour sessions over the course of a month to beat but we did it!

Thank you for bring this game on my dashboard! Truly, one of the games of all time

Some highlights of those 33 hours of stars and timing.

Both of us just STARING at isat Siffrin during acts 1 and 2 because holy shit, they're so joyous and filled with whimsy and the timeloop horrors hasn't hit them yet. <--- used to saapfrin's depression

The two of us experiencing the dawning horror that is all the callbacks to Start Again in act 3+4

LOOP HANGOUT IMPLICATIONS THAT SIFFRIN HELD THE PARTY BACK BC THE PARTY WAS ABLE TO MAKE TO THE KING ON THIER OWN DESPITE HOW THERES SO MANY POTENTIAL SOFTLOCKS

I (person who knew that saapfrin is loop since the beginning and that loop is a Siffrin) had to desperately gaslight the streamer friend when they randomly joked that there could be multiple Siffrins across different timelines in act 2 (they didnt remember saying that when we were chatting at the end credits)

Destroying Odile's old women kidneys via making her drink 8+ bowls of salty broth whenever we fought the king

Yelling HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING??? When odile froze Siffrin in time at the 5th act finale like Ma'am using timecraft even for a second is said to cause the user to turn to dust?? And you're like 80

Heartbreaks during the 'Odile stands in front of the party after Siffrin disposing of sadness too excitedly" '"We cannot trust Siffrin" clocktower act 5' and 'Odile uses papercraft against big Siffrin' because she's the oldest and logical one and she must protect everyone/make sure everyone is prepared to fight the king even if her actions seem too extreme

Got a beautiful moment at the secret loop bossfight when the streamer friend learned loop is a siffrin and I no longer had duct tape over my mouth and could finally tell them that loop is our saapfrin (been talking about what happened to saapfrin in general during the playthrough)

SBXUXBUDHXUDHCUCCU I am SO glad you enjoyed the game :DDDDD

I also thought the game would normally take 21 hours but I was prepared for it to take longer since I love to investigate more 😭😭 yeah it did take longer, 41 hours in 4 days to be more precise, twice as long 😭😭 loved every second of it 😭😭

I can imagine seeing act 1 and 2 siffrin would be such a whiplash! When I learned that sasasap may contain spoilers and reused scenes i went straight to isat so I first got used to the whimsy of the act 1 and 2 siffrin and then saw the slow descent into the poor meow meow in act 4 😭 i was actually surpised when i played sasasap that the little guy skipped all of that and is lowkey worse off than isat siffrin 😭 Loop truly did make a difference when it comes to sif's sanity (and like... actually helping him get out of the loop too ^^)

I was actually surprised they went into an actual breakdown in act 4 and 5. Didn't expect the creator to explore how a person would feel after dying and looping a hundred or so times! I was fully expecting for sif to go "well that happened :)" with no consequences like some games/movies like to do... But within the first 5 minutes of playing I could bet that the creator was a tumblr user so I had hope that our little fella could go a little feral later on <3 i was not disappointed <3 (but honestly, the game reeks of tumblr at times /pos /pos /pos <3)

I suppose that without Sif during the Loop hangout the party got both super lucky and searched even more thoroughly for keys and such since their main guy was out! Not that it really helped them in the end...

I guess it's just canon that that old woman's immortal. Speed and running are her only weaknesses 😔 and mommy issues 😔

Also her truly wanting the best for the party and also taking the least shit from siffrin the moment they could be a danger to her family 😭 violence is not always the answer odile you saw what happened to siffrin 😭

Loop..... nooooo......

[blueberryinko]

How about this story idea/request??

Due to Covid + Quarantine, a boyfriend had been stuck over seas not being able to get back with her girlfriend back in the US (so imagine if the story took place today, that would of meant he was stuck in that other country for at least three years), only to finally get the opportunity to get back home.

He would get to his house where he and his girlfriend lives when when his went to finally see his gf again, he would see how quarantine had affected her; due to the need of money, she had to take jobs as a surrogate (with the current one being her 5th surrogate pregnancy with many, many multiples) with the cravings hitting her pretty hard, as she is now a heavily pregnant fat doughball, barely able to waddle and not being able to wear clothes due to her size (she also lactates a lot).

Then after a hard but loving conversation, the boyfriend admits that she loves the way his gf looks, with the couple getting into it.

Also you don’t have to write this, but maybe the boyfriend was stuck in Japan cause it was one of the first countries to get hit by COVID.

(Oh my fucking GOD this is so hot.)

Quarantine Gestator

(Minor reference to farting here only in the humorous sense, I promise)

“Can you believe I’m coming home soon?” Adam asked, looking at his computer screen, his girlfriend’s face showing on the monitor, though anything below her head was cut off.

“What- wait really?” Brie’s voice was pitchy and tinged with alarm, though she tried to mask it as enthusiasm. What would he say if he saw her like this? “Wh-when do you think you’ll be back?” She tried to probe gently, Adam not seeing his girlfriend’s nervousness. “Oh by next week at the latest.” He replied nonchanatly. “NEXT WEEK?” She yelped, her cheeks hot with embarrassment. “Oh my God, I- I can’t wait to have you b-back!” Truth be told she was dreading him coming back and seeing what a pig she’d made of herself.

Adam hadn’t seen his girlfriend in three years. The coronavirus pandemic had him stuck in Japan, only able to see her through Zoom calls. The time difference made it so that one of them was always tired and lethargic. She’d stopped showing her body a while back because ‘she’d grown too big to show ANYTHING off now.’ Being a professional surrogate, he’d gotten to see her belly grow with multiples twice over the pandemic, and he’d loved seeing every inch of her belly swell out larger and larger with half a dozen lives.

Being stuck in Japan hadn’t been all bad. Sure, the paper-thin walls of his apartment meant he could hear his neighbour blowing up her girlfriend like a hot air balloon, but the sights were still cool, he got delivery fresh from the restaurant across the way, and he’d managed to keep relatively healthy. The same couldn’t be said for his girlfriend.

“Hey honey, I’m ho-ome!” He called, opening the door to his apartment. “I-in here!” His girlfriend called. Last she’d updated him, she was seven months pregnant, and to his utter amazement, with eleven babies “Coming-holy shit babe!”

The sight Adam had walked into was.. really fucking hot. Brie had let herself go too much during the pandemic. She had REALLY let herself go. She was quite literally a huge ball of flab and baby, a doughball if he could make any such comparison. Adam felt his blood rush south as his jaw dropped, eyes wide. “B-brie.. baby, you look…”

Brie’s plump, round cheeks were a bright crimson, flapping her hands. Her body jiggled slightly as she did, completely humiliated by her titanic size. She was also, to Adam’s added arousal, completely naked, pink, puffy nipples gushing milk down her front. “Like a cow?” She knew it, she was a disgusting slob, she couldn’t even move of her own accord! Adam shook his head fervently. “No, god no, Brie, never! You look like a goddess!” He approached her, rubbing her soft, fat flesh gently. She cooed, sniffling. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Adam murmured. “You must have been so lonely.” He murmured. Quarantine had kept them apart for three years. “So.. when did you get, you know, this big?” He asked. Brie didn’t really know, but she could make an estimate. “Somewhere around a year and a half in? I think? I don’t know, I was carrying like seven babies back then, and my body just.. never lost the weight it gained. Doctors said my body was self-sustaining now at least, so there was that. I got used to it, but I didn’t want to show you my face, I love being like this, but I was so afraid you’d stop loving me.”

“Brie, how could I?” Adam reasoned. “You and I, six years we’ve been together, even longer we’d been best friends. I love you no matter how big or how small you are.” A kick from the babies made her body shudder, and Brie moaned. “What was it, thirteen babies in here this time?” He asked gently, kneeling to rub her belly. She confirmed with a nod. “Y-yeah, f-five families, a batch each.. the docs pumped me real full…” She moaned, the feeling of Adam’s hand orgasmic to her. She was so sensitive nowadays she could barely think, let alone waddle. Speaking of…

Her crotch dragged along the floor as she waddled. Small mews and whimpers escaped her as she did so, pounds and pounds of luscious, fatty flesh jiggling as she did so, the big butterball breeder simply unable to move under her own weight. Well, she could, just not for long. Adam caressed her belly as it met his hand. “So, you’re stuck like this?” Brie nodded, her chin hitting the thick layer of flab that was her divot. “For the rest of my life.”

“Then I’m moving you in to my place,” Adam decided. “We can get you a barn, some milking machines and an ultrasound room for you, I got a huge insurance payout from the airline after my flight delay.” Brie started to deny it, but Adam stopped her with a kiss. “Trust me babe, you can be my fat, bloated cow as long as you want.” Brie spluttered, “I don’t exactly like-nngggaaaahh!” She squealed as her clit throbbed, the weight of her pussy on the floor causing pressure in her underside.

“O-okay, I do like being like this.” Brie admitted quietly. Adam grinned, leaning down. He began to suckle from her teat, and Brie’s eyes went wide. “Oh, fuck, Adam!” She gasped as milk flowed down Adam’s throat. The babies kicked, and Brie wished they were theirs. Adam continued to drink, squeezing Brie’s golf-ball sized nipple, watching as a river of milk splashed down his girlfriend’s expanse, dripping down his chin. He stopped to take a breath, wiping his chin. “That.. tastes fucking amazing.” Adam grinned, rolling her further onto her belly.

“Adam-Adam, oh, sh-shit!” Brie shuddered, her entire frame reverberating as fat flesh slapped on her wooden floor. She flapped her hands, no longer in control of her body. The cold air wasted no time in chilling her sensitive, swollen labia, making her shiver. “C-cold, baby!” She whined. Adam leaned over, his hands over her head, fingers sinking slightly into her taut flesh. “I know love, want me to warm you up?” He asked gently.

Her coos were all the answer he needed, beginning to rub her belly. The sensation of dozens of unborn lives wriggling and shifting inside her caused her turgid frame to wobble, and she adored it. The fact that Adam seemed to be just as into it was a huge bonus for her. Her skin felt electric, his hands quickly warming her body. “Nnf- oh fuck!” She was a fat, baby baking blimp, and he was handling her like she was a modern angel, careful and loving.

“Fuck, you’re so big.” Adam hissed, playing with her fat belly. He wondered if her diameter would count as an entire baby bump in and of itself, layering kisses down her gut. “Aaanh!” Brie’s breath hitched, feeling him trailing down, down, down. Then, she felt hands on her underside. Then she was rolling. Her massive weight began to bowl around the room. “Uwaaaa…” If she could rub herself, she would. The feeling was heavenly, his hands manhandling her as she went. “Imagine what you’re gonna be like with MY babies inside you.” He growled possessively.

“A-Adam!” She started, and Adam watched as she babbled, her head coming around again to look at him from her divot. “You like that my big breeder?” She was helpless to him as she settled on her side. He kneeled down, taking her head in his hands and kissing her. “A-Adam, fuck, I want your babies!” She loved being a surrogate, but the primal, fertile side of her said she wanted her man’s babies cramming her womb, kicking and wriggling as they threatened to pop their big, fat mama.

“Oh I know baby, but don’t you like helping other families too? These babies are your gifts to the world, to people who want their own families.” Adam whispered, kissing her forehead. “Besides, you’re just a vessel now, right? What’s stopping anybody from, y’know, taking you as their breeder?” The teasing was too much. Brie’s pussy throbbed with need and her reddened cheeks heated further, sweat dripping down her chubby cheeks.

“N-nothing…” She mewed. Adam grinned, standing up. “Exactly, Brie. Nothing. Which means I can claim you.” She was rolling again, head over ass as she went, until her body pressed against the wall, her feet just barely touching the floor. Adam unzipped, his manhood threatening to tear his boxers in half. She couldn’t see it, but she sensed the shaft rubbing against her belly. “A-adam!” She needed him badly, and he knew it. Stripping off his boxers, he positioned himself.

“Such a big, fertile belly, gonna get so much bigger.” He teased, sliding his cock into her navel. She instinctively clenched around him, and he hissed. “Good girl, so fucking tight, aren’t you.” He loved how big her boobs had gotten, and as he fucked her belly, he leaned over, taking an engorged boob in his mouth. He squeezed and milk flooded his mouth. It was rich and almost like vanilla. “Adam, p-please-!” She gasped, flapping her hands. Adam kept a firm hold of her, pumping her for all her worth. She was surprised he was so eager, but she supposed her milk tank were just so big he couldn’t help himself.

Once he’d gulped down his fill, he wiped his mouth. He increased his speed, watching as she jiggled. He imagined her in the future, rolling about their house, moaning about how fucking pregnant he’d made her, his fat bred bride barely able to waddle under her weight. They’d have to get helpers, maybe maids. Those thoughts were naughty enough, and he could think of several ways they could help her. He was rigid, and Brie didn’t think he could get any bigger. “A-adam, gotta cum, g-gotta- please-!” She begged, vibrating visibly, creaking loudly.

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP- “Almost- there!” Adam came with a grunt- “UWAAA!” She came with a wet splash, shaking and shuddering as she rode out one of the longest orgasms she’d ever had. Brie gasped and panted for breath as it finally ended. She’d been pent up for a full two years and she was so glad she’d been able to cum. Adam wasn’t done yet though. And she was ready.

He rotated her body, grinning as her fat womanhood rose to meet him, her swollen underside glimmering with the slick results of her orgasm. Adam inserted a finger, testing. “Nggff!” She mewed, and he knew she was just if not more sensitive down here. “So wet.. all for me? Good baby baker.” He wasted no time in impaling her on his cock. She took him easily, and he was big enough that his head probed her cervix. He shifted his hips, pulsing inside her.

“A-adam, h-when did you get so— nyaaah! Big!?” She begged, alarmed at his size. He slowed, concerned he’d hurt her. “D-don’t stop!” She whimpered. He took it gentle, slow. Her heartbeat was so fast her skin was flush and hot, damp with sweat that dripped down her diameter. She was at the peak of her pleasure and she couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Any other man would surely have broken up with her, but not Adam. He sped up, fucking her vigorously. “Ngggh, nggh, graah!” He growled, her moans in tandem with his, plap, plap, plap, the slapping of their skin went. She couldn’t possibly get more pregnant than she was now, but he could certainly try.

“Breed me, breed me, fucking make me huge!” She begged, and as Adam came with a roar, her body billowed, stretchmarks becoming paler and harsher, her diameter straining and bulging to contain his gigantic load. She could feel his swimmers racing inside her, pumping her to the max. It was so much to bear that Adam fell back, taking her with him as she became plugged with his cock, sat right at the entrance to her cervix. “Whooaaa!” She squealed, landing on him with a soft whoomp.

He was pinned under her, and he wasn’t sure he could get up. They stayed like that for a while, Brie just enjoying being his cocksleeve, keeping his warmth enveloped in her puffy, pregnant lips. Then- “I really need to fart.” Adam admitted. Brie groaned. “Please don’t, please don’t-“ Too late, he’d already done it. “Babe!” She giggled, wrinkling her nose. “That’s so gross!” Adam laughed along with her, “C’mon, you’ve farted before too!” Brie squawked. “Yeah but not while someone has been inside my vagina!” The ridiculousness of the situation caught up to them and they couldn’t help but collapse into laughter.

Eventually Adam managed to roll her off of him, climbing on top of her. “Did you mean what you said?” She asked him. “About wanting your babies inside me?” Adam laid down on her belly, his head poking over the risen mountain of her cleavage. “Yeah. I love seeing you so fertile and fucked full of babies, but I want you to be my baby mama. Maybe exclusively just my babies one day.” He admitted. Brie bit her lip, before confessing something. “At the end of this pregnancy I get a thirteen million dollar payout. We could get married and start building our family.”

Adam gaped, before clambering over her breasts and kissing her. “You know how much I love you, right?” Brie mewed, kissing him back. And as his cock became stiff once again she raised an eyebrow. “Ready for round three? I wanna suck you instead this time.” And he did so eagerly.

-

Thirteen years later

“Belle, help me roll your mother to the truck!” Adam ordered. He helped his wife out of their mansion, the double doors built for her giant circumference. Their daughter rushed to help them. “Jesus Dad, was just trying to wrangle the octuplets! They’re being fussy with Millie and Jane again.” Their helpers were loyal friends to the family, but even they struggled with the twelve children the fat doughball of a woman had bred for Adam.

And she was very overdue with seven more, her body having delayed labour for a while to ensure the healthiest babies, somehow her body just knew, it was designed for incubating now. And finally it was time for the babies to be born so they had to drive a little ways up their land do the birthing house, where Adam and Brie could be in private for their new arrivals.

“Okay, go back and help them then, try and get them down for their afternoon nap?” Their daughter rushed off and Brie moaned through another contraction. “Baby stop worrying, we’ve done all this before..” She came with a grunt, another contraction tightening her diameter. Adam sighed. “I know, I just worry about you.” Brie chuckled. “Don’t, I know what I’m doing.” She murmured. As she was strapped into the truck, Adam rushed around to the driver’s seat.

Brie was a big, several hundred pound breeding blimp of a woman. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[not-poignant]

hi pia i just wanted to respond to what you said in your tags about the burnout w chronic illness. and i dont mean to condescend or blame but i think your burnout came about because you are an absolute beast of a writer!!!!! the amount of words you were pushing out consistently had me wondering what kind of spell you must’ve been on. (in a good way, except it turned out to be harming you) you worked really really hard for a long time, i think harder than many healthy people even (my chronic illness could never). i know you also enjoyed writing (we enjoyed it too!), but that workload honestly never looked sustainable. the astounding part is not that you burned out, but that you managed to push for so long, despite your handicaps and hardships. want to be careful not to sound like im praising/blaming you. but you’re really just build different than a lot of folks. i hope you had time to recharge so far and keep taking it easy. i do miss your updates but i can assure you im fine waiting, as are your other readers! its really okay! get better soon 💐🐀💓

Hi anon,

This is very kind of you to say, but tbh, I don't think many people know how much some writers can, well, write.

I might seem like an over-achiever, but there are writers out there who easily write around 6000-10000 words per day, and release a book per month. I have met successful authors who aim for 150k or 200k at NaNo, because 50,000 words is 5 days of work to them.

It's hard for me to comprehend, because I know I can't do that. But likewise, I think many folks don't realise that I actually used to write a lot more than I do now!! For some years it was normal for me to write 50-80,000 words every single month. NaNo was a joke. That caused burnout, and so I adjusted down to a 25,000 minimum monthly wordcount which sometimes felt so easy that it was absurd. I now have a maximum which I have to adhere to per month (50k), because it's too easy to go past it.

For me, writing is relatively easy. It's still work, yes. I still need to put time into it. But I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who hasn't done it for thousands and thousands of hours. I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who can only touch type at 80 wpm, when I touch type at 120-150 wpm.

The amount of stories is an issue, and the number of chapter updates is an issue, but the actual output re: words themselves really isn't. In fact I've written more words this month than I did last month already, and will very likely hit my monthly minimum with the next chapter.

The things that contributed to my burnout are multifaceted. Getting a puppy. A death in the family. Not having access to the mental health drugs I need to function for a long period of time. Friendship disintegration. These things can cause burnout in anyone, even if they are working very sustainably, because they all require separate labour on top of the labour that someone is doing for their job.

When I come back from hiatus, I will not be writing less. I don't believe the wordcount is the issue and haven't for a long time. I will be scheduling out less chapters, because admin is overwhelming to me. If you told me that my job wasn't writing anymore, but I had to schedule + figure out when to post twice as many chapters, I'd fail, lmao.

So I will be addressing admin stuff! But the amount of words I was pushing out, anon, was completely sustainable, and in fact a highly reduced number compared to what I was pushing out 6/7 years ago. Anon, I have been pushing out this many words or more for 5 years without stopping until now. It's felt comfortable. It's been so much less than what I used to make myself write.

So yeah, again, it can be hard for people who don't do this professionally to imagine writing at this level. And all professionals are different. I couldn't write 150k for NaNoWriMo, but the people writing 100k a month find that extremely easy to do. How I feel about their output - that it's impossible (because it is for me) is not how they feel about their output. For them writing 50k a month to make it easy might be extremely laughable to them, like, 5 days of work and then they get 25 days off. That's sometimes how I've felt about 25k (though it's more like 10 days of work to me - which is great, because I have chronic illness lol, so I need a lot of rest days and periods).

The amount of words I was pushing out consistently will be the amount I go back to because that is truly the most sustainable part of my job. I don't expect folks who haven't plugged in as many hours into writing, and who haven't written millions of words to understand, but the fact is the more you do something, the faster you get at it. The more practice you have, the more competent you become.

That was actually how I knew the burnout was so bad, because the easiest part of my job - the words + the writing - was impossible last month, and I only ended up with 14k for the first time in 5 years, and had to make a call.

The reason the hiatus is so frustrating is that so much of it is being caused by external factors, and not actually the job itself. Like yes, I am working on too many stories, and I can address that, but I was actually doing much higher wordcounts when I was working on less stories.

It's all the extra stuff that becomes very overwhelming! But I'll get there anon, and my wordcounts aren't going anywhere.

[erotikkook]

I'm Back!

𝐀 𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 Hi there, everyone! It's been a hot minute since I've been active (i.e. over 6 months), but I wanted to give you a long update on where I've been, what I've been doing, etc.! If you're not a big reader, I'd skip past this post - it'll be kinda lengthy. possible tw: mental health/physical health, potential cursing, mentions of sex in relation to tumblr content - ALL SECTIONS WILL HAVE TW ACCORDINGLY

NOTE: THERE IS ALSO AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT SOME UPCOMING FICS. IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN MY PERSONAL LIFE BUT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT HERE IN TERMS OF MY WRITING, JUST SCROLL TO THE CATEGORY LABELLED "FANFICTION"

𝗠𝗬 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙠 I've spent extensive time going from one job to the next. I'm making a very similar transition again, hopefully for the final job. It's an even better full-time job that would make me twice as much as I make now. I was offered a position which means I'm well on my way to renting an apartment and getting a better car!

𝘽𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙖𝙮 By the time you see this, it'll be my 20th birthday! So just a little happy birthday to me and all my other April babies.

𝙋𝙝𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙝 (𝙏𝙒) TW for this section, mentions of physical + mental health and mentions of weight. Please skip this if you're uncomfortable. I've also spent a lot of time being physically and mentally ill. I'm now officially diagnosed with several things. This means I'm on medicine, which makes me very tired, unable to do a lot, and made me gain weight as a side-effect of the medication. I've always had issues with my self-esteem, weight, and relationship with food - thus, I spiralled for a while and, being as stubborn as I am, refused to get help when I was suffering mentally. I still need help, but I'm happier and feel healthier too! I've learned to accept myself as I am and to love how I look. There was a ton of internalized fatphobia that I hadn't realised existed, and I've since been working through that. I'm also very slowly becoming friends with food again. Wish me luck! You're all good for TW now! Read on!

𝙈𝙮 𝙃𝙖𝙞𝙧 I've been grappling with other parts of myself too. My hair is one of them. It's been very feminine my entire life, and thus I've grappled with the length of it. It's also, at the same time, been my only source of comfort - something I could control and do with as I pleased. I've since come to terms with myself in many ways, so I've chopped all my hair off! I know it might not be a big deal to most people, but it took a lot for me to do that and admit that my obsession with it was unnerving and unhealthy. Imagine a mini mullet. If you're a close friend, you've probably been bombarded with pictures of my hair, but I'll leave the rest up to the crowd's imagination!

𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗬

𝘼𝙣 𝘼𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 I'd like to very formally announce that I identify as genderfluid! For those who may support the LGBTQ community but don't quite know what the term means, I think WebMD sums it up pretty well for just a vague understanding: "Someone who is fluid -- also called gender fluid -- is a person whose gender identity (the gender they identify with most) is not fixed. It can change over time or from day to day." Usually, this will switch between he/him & they/them for me on a personal basis, so if we're ever having interactions and you're unsure, those are your best bet! 𝙈𝙮 𝙉𝙖𝙢𝙚 I'd also like to officially announce that my preferred name is Declan! This was decided after almost six months of thought. Ngl, there were a lot of sleepless nights, but here we are, and I'm very happy with who I've become! I don't intend to explain my decision. I've talked with my support system about my feelings enough for the life of me, but nevertheless, thank you for your support in advance!

𝗙𝗮𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙎𝙤𝙤𝙣 A few fics are coming your way. I'll announce them here but will probably make a separate post too! Here's what's set to come out (note, no dates are listed as of this moment, I'm bad with dates, and I no longer want to make promises I can't keep):

Desperate For You - Seokjin x Reader - based on Desperate by Jonas Blue & Nina Nesbitt

take it and run - Taehyung x Reader - based on Friends by Chase Atlantic

Fallin' Without Caution - Namjoon x Reader - based on People Watching by Conan Gray

checkmate - Yoongi x Reader - based on Lost The Breakup by Maisie Peters

I have about 31 requests (I counted, holy shit) to get through, so I'll also complete those. I know it's been over a year, but I appreciate the unending patience!

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Buying directly ensures you receive genuine products without the risk of counterfeits.

You’ll also find exclusive offers and discounts when you order from their official channel.

It’s comforting knowing you’re getting quality while also saving some cash along the way.

Understanding Volume Pills Cost

Now let’s talk numbers.

The volume pills cost can vary depending on where you buy them from and any ongoing promotions.

Typically, prices range around £40 to £60 for a month’s supply.

But here’s the kicker:

You might stumble upon special deals or coupons if you keep an eye out on their official site or newsletters.

This means potential savings without sacrificing quality!

Grab A Volume Pills Coupon

Who doesn’t love a good deal?

Finding a volume pills coupon can make purchasing these enhancements even more appealing.

Check their website regularly or subscribe to their updates for exclusive discounts straight to your inbox!

Imagine snagging those pills at a lower price while boosting your confidence—now that’s a win-win!

Ordering Online Made Easy

Ready to take the plunge?

Ordering volume pills online is straightforward and hassle-free.

Simply visit their official site, choose your package, and place your order with just a few clicks.

No need for awkward conversations or long waits at local stores—just pure convenience at your fingertips!

Exploring Generic Volume Pills Options

Some people consider going for generic volume pills, thinking they might save some money.

While there are cheaper alternatives out there, remember this:

Quality matters!

Stick with reputable brands known for their effectiveness rather than risking disappointment with unknown generics.

Your experience deserves the best!

User Feedback: What Are People Saying?

Let’s not forget about real-life experiences from users who’ve taken these pills.

Here are some snippets from actual reviews:

“At 28 years old, I felt like I was losing my edge until I tried volume pills. The difference has been incredible!” — Mike S., 28 “I was skeptical at first but decided to give it a shot after reading positive reviews online. Best decision ever!” — Sarah L., 31

These testimonials show how impactful volume pills can be on one’s life and confidence levels.

So why wait? If you're looking for an upgrade in performance and satisfaction, these could be just what you need!

In short, whether you're interested in experimenting with volume pills plus, hunting down great deals on volume pills Australia, or simply wanting more information before making that purchase—there's plenty of valuable info available out there!

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Pills To Increase Ejaculate Volume

Let’s get real for a second.

Have you ever felt that pang of anxiety when it comes to performance?

Wondering if you’re doing enough?

If you’re in the right spot, then you're probably looking for pills to increase ejaculate volume.

I’ve been there myself.

It can be tough, but trust me, there are options out there.

Volume Pills is one of those options that people are talking about.

Let’s break down what these pills can do for you.

What Are Volume Anxiety Pills?

You know how sometimes your mind plays tricks on you?

That nagging feeling of not being enough can be a real buzzkill.

Volume anxiety pills aim to tackle this head-on.

They help boost your confidence by potentially increasing the amount of ejaculate during intimacy.

It's like giving yourself an extra shot of assurance.

Imagine walking into that moment knowing you've got more to offer.

Men’s Volume Pills: A Game Changer

Now let’s talk specifically about men's volume pills.

These aren’t just any pills; they’re designed with men in mind.

They focus on enhancing your experience both physically and mentally.

When I first tried them, I noticed a difference almost immediately.

The energy surge was palpable, and I felt more in control than ever before.

Here’s what stood out:

Increased ejaculate volume

Boosted confidence

Improved stamina

It’s like flipping a switch from “meh” to “wow”!

The Lowdown on Volume 500 Pills

Ever heard of volume 500 pills?

These bad boys have gained traction for their effectiveness.

Users rave about how they’ve changed the game for them.

One friend shared his experience:

"At 32, I was starting to feel off my game. After trying Volume 500 pills, I felt like I was in my twenties again! The difference was night and day." — Mark, 32

What makes these so special?

They contain natural ingredients that work together seamlessly to improve your overall performance.

No harsh chemicals or weird side effects here—just real results.

Volume 500 Pills Review: What Users Are Saying

Curious about what others think? Let’s dive into some testimonials from actual users who took the plunge with volume 500 pills:

"I didn’t believe it at first, but after using these for a month, I'm blown away! My partner has noticed the difference too!" — James, 28

People are seeing tangible changes in their lives thanks to these little wonders.

If you’re on the fence about trying them out, remember this:

You deserve to feel confident and fulfilled in every aspect of your life.

Don't Forget About Volume Hair Pills!

Okay, let’s take a quick detour here because it matters too—ever thought about volume hair pills?

While we’re focused on ejaculate volume today, hair health is part of the package deal when it comes to confidence.

Feeling good starts from within and extends outwardly.

Having thick hair can also contribute positively to your self-esteem during intimate moments.

So why not give both aspects some love?

Wrapping It Up: Your Next Steps

So where does that leave us?

If you're looking for effective pills to increase ejaculate volume, look no further than Volume Pills and their variants like volume 500 pills.

This isn’t just another gimmick; it's an opportunity for real change in your life.

Imagine stepping into every encounter knowing you're at your best—because that's what this is all about!

Don’t wait around feeling unsure or anxious anymore—take charge now!

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Volume Pills Or Semenax

When it comes to boosting your confidence in the bedroom, two names often come up: Volume Pills and Semenax.

Both claim to enhance your experience, but which one really delivers?

Let’s break it down.

The Basics: Volume 10 Pills vs. Semenax

Volume Pills are designed to increase semen production.

More volume can mean more pleasure for both you and your partner.

On the other hand, Semenax focuses on enhancing overall sexual performance while also increasing ejaculate volume.

If you’re after sheer volume, Volume 10 pills might be the way to go.

But if you're looking for a broader enhancement, Semenax could be worth considering.

Ingredients Matter: What’s Inside?

The effectiveness of these products often boils down to their ingredients.

Volume Pills typically include natural herbs and amino acids like L-Arginine and Maca root.

These components work together to boost blood flow and sperm production.

In contrast, Semenax contains similar elements but adds some unique ones like Zinc Oxide and Swedish Flower Pollen.

Both formulas have their merits; it depends on what you prioritize in your enhancement journey.

User Experiences: Real Stories

Let’s talk about real people using these products.

Here are a few testimonials:

“I’ve been using Volume Pills for three months now, and I’ve noticed a huge difference! My partner loves it too.” — James, 32

“Tried Semenax after hearing great things. It works wonders! Not just the volume but my stamina has improved significantly!” — Mark, 28

These stories reflect how each product can cater to different needs based on personal experiences.

Performance Boosters: Xplosion Volume Pills

If you're curious about something more intense, check out Xplosion Volume Pills.

This product claims to take everything up a notch with an extra kick for those who want even more from their enhancements.

Many users report feeling more energetic and confident during intimate moments when they use Xplosion pills alongside regular Volume Pills or Semenax.

Yellow Pill Variants: Yellow Pills Volume 1 & 2

Now let’s look at something interesting—those yellow pills!

Yellow Pills Volume 1: These are often marketed as a starter option for those new to male enhancement supplements. They provide a gentle boost without overwhelming side effects.

Yellow Pills Volume 2: This variant is geared towards experienced users seeking stronger results. Users often find that this version helps them achieve greater satisfaction levels during intimacy.

Choosing between these variants depends on where you stand in your journey of enhancement.

Which One Should You Choose?

So here’s the deal:

If you want straightforward volume increase with minimal fuss, go for Volume Pills or even consider trying out the yellow variants depending on your experience level.

For those looking for an all-around performance boost with added benefits like stamina improvement, give Semenax or even the Xplosion variant a shot.

Remember, everyone’s body reacts differently.

You might need to experiment a bit before hitting that sweet spot where everything clicks just right!

In summary? Both have their strengths.

It really comes down to what fits best with your goals in the bedroom.

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Volume Pills: Your Go-To Solution for Enhancement

When it comes to enhancing your performance, I get it. You want something that works without the hassle.

You’ve probably asked yourself, how much are volume pills?

Let’s break it down.

How Much Are Volume Pills?

The price of volume pills can vary based on where you buy them.

Generally, you can expect to pay around £40 to £60 for a month's supply.

But here's the kicker: buying in bulk often saves you money.

Most retailers offer discounts when you order multiple bottles at once.

For example:

One bottle (30 pills): £49

Three bottles: £120 (save £27)

Five bottles: £180 (save £90)

This pricing structure makes it easy to find an option that suits your budget while ensuring you're stocked up.

Ordering Volume Pills Online

Buying volume pills online is straightforward and convenient.

You won’t have to deal with awkward conversations or long lines at local shops.

Here’s how to do it:

Find the Official Site: Always purchase from the official site to ensure authenticity.

Choose Your Package: Decide how many bottles you want based on your needs.

Add to Cart & Check Out: Fill in your details and make payment.

Wait for Delivery: Sit back and relax while your order arrives at your doorstep.

I remember when I first ordered mine online. It was seamless, and I felt a sense of relief knowing I was getting a quality product without any fuss.

Making Your Volume Pills Order

Ready to take action?

Placing a volume pills order is as easy as pie.

Just follow these steps:

Visit the official website.

Pick the package that fits your needs—remember those bulk savings!

Complete the checkout process with secure payment options.

Confirm your email for tracking updates on delivery.

And just like that, you're on your way!

Why Choose Volume Pills?

So why should you go with volume pills over other options?

Here’s what sets them apart:

Natural Ingredients: These pills are packed with herbal extracts that work synergistically.

Proven Results: Many users report noticeable increases in volume after consistent use.

Satisfaction Guarantee: The makers stand by their product, offering refunds if you're not satisfied within 67 days.

Here's what one happy customer shared:

"At 35, I was feeling less confident than ever about my performance."

"After trying volume pills, I noticed a huge difference in just a few weeks! My confidence skyrocketed."

— Mark, 35

Another user chimed in:

"I had my doubts initially but decided to give them a shot."

"Now I can't imagine going back! Best decision I've made."

— Tom, 28

These testimonials show real results from real people who took action and saw changes they wanted.

Final Thoughts

If you've been considering enhancing your experience, now's the time to act.

With competitive pricing and easy online ordering available for volume pills, there's no better moment than now.

Don’t wait until tomorrow when you can start today!

Take control of your confidence and performance with volume pills—you won't regret it!

👉 BUY VOLUME PILLS FOR POWERFUL CONTRACTIONS

Volume Pills Nebenwirkungen

Let’s face it.

When you’re considering something like Volume Pills, you’ve got questions swirling in your head.

You might be wondering about the effects, both good and bad.

What are the volume pills nebenwirkungen?

Are there any risks involved?

I get it. It’s a big deal to put something into your body, especially when you're looking for results.

So, let’s break it down together.

What Are The Common Side Effects?

Every product has its quirks.

Volume Pills is no different.

Some users have reported mild side effects, which I'll share below:

Stomach Upset: A few people have mentioned feeling a bit queasy after taking them.

Headaches: This one pops up occasionally. Not everyone experiences this, but it's worth noting.

Increased Heart Rate: Some folks felt their heart racing a bit more than usual.

It’s important to remember that not everyone will experience these effects.

Your body is unique, just like your reaction to different supplements.

User Insights from Volume Pills Reviews Yahoo Answers

I stumbled upon some interesting thoughts on Volume Pills reviews yahoo answers.

Users shared their personal experiences that can shed light on what to expect.

One user named Mike, 32, said:

“I was nervous about trying these pills because I’d heard mixed things. But honestly? I had no major side effects at all! Just a little stomach discomfort at first.”

Another user, Sarah, 28, chimed in:

“I did notice my heart racing sometimes after taking them. But I also felt more energetic overall! It was weird but not necessarily bad.”

These insights show a range of experiences—some positive and others with minor bumps along the way.

Green Volume Pills: Are There Any Unique Concerns?

Now let’s talk about those green volume pills I keep hearing about.

They promise similar benefits but come with their own set of potential side effects.

Some users have reported:

Nausea: Similar to regular Volume Pills but seems slightly more common with the green variant.

Allergic Reactions: A handful of people mentioned skin irritations or rashes after using them.

If you’re considering green volume pills specifically, just be aware of how your body reacts initially.

Always start slow and see how you feel before committing fully!

When To Seek Help

If you notice anything unusual while using Volume Pills, don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare professional.

Better safe than sorry!

Here are some signs that might warrant a chat with your doctor:

Persistent headaches that won’t go away

Severe stomach pain

Unusual changes in mood or energy levels

Your health should always come first!

Wrapping Up Thoughts on Side Effects

Overall, while there are some potential side effects associated with Volume Pills, they seem manageable for most users.

Many find the benefits far outweigh any minor discomfort they may experience initially.

Just remember: listen to your body and adjust accordingly!

At the end of the day, if you're looking for an enhancement in volume without sacrificing well-being—this could be worth trying out for yourself!

👉 BUY VOLUME PILLS TO ELEVATE YOUR EXPERIENCE

FAQ

What are Volume Pills?

Volume Pills are supplements designed to enhance male sexual performance, specifically aimed at increasing ejaculate volume. They contain a blend of natural ingredients that may help improve overall reproductive health.

How do Volume Pills work?

These pills work by boosting blood flow and enhancing testosterone levels. This can lead to increased semen production and improved sexual stamina. Think of it as giving your body the right ingredients to perform better.

Are there any side effects associated with Volume Pills?

Most users report minimal side effects, but some may experience mild reactions like headaches or digestive issues. It's always smart to consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new supplement.

Where can I buy Volume Pills?

You can purchase Volume Pills from their official site or various online retailers. Just make sure to choose a reputable source to avoid counterfeit products.

How much do Volume Pills cost?

The price varies depending on where you buy them and any ongoing promotions. Generally, they range from £30 to £60 for a month's supply.

Can I use Volume Pills alongside other medications?

It's best to check with your doctor if you're taking other medications. They can guide you on whether it's safe to combine them with Volume Pills.

How long does it take to see results from using Volume Pills?

Many users start noticing changes within a few weeks of consistent use. Remember, results can vary based on individual health factors and lifestyle choices.

Are there alternatives to Volume Pills for increasing ejaculate volume?

Yes, there are other options like Semenax and herbal supplements that claim similar benefits. It's worth researching these alternatives if you're looking for something different.

Do I need a prescription for Volume Pills?

No prescription is required for purchasing Volume Pills since they are available as over-the-counter supplements.

What do reviews say about Volume Pills?

User feedback generally highlights positive experiences, especially regarding increased volume and satisfaction in sexual performance. As always, personal experiences may differ!

👉 BUY VOLUME PILLS TO BOOST FERTILITY

[golfupnorth]

April 1, 2023 Newsletter

Snow, Snow, and more Snow

For our readers that do not live in northern Michigan March has been a cold snowy month. We typically have a couple of courses that open up in March for at least walkers, but we are not seeing that yet. Golfing well into November last year gave me hope that our winters were getting shorter. It does looks like some warmer temperatures will be heading our way soon and mid-April opening for many of the courses Up North seem very doable.

Arcadia Bluffs is showing tee times available for April 3rd for both the Bluff and South Courses. Their website started with tee times available the 1st of April and the available dates have been push twice so far. Based on today’s weather I say it is highly unlikely they will be sending carts out on Monday.

We are watching all the Northern Michigan courses websites and social media and updating our website daily.

Regardless of the chilly wet weather we have today, we are getting closer and closer to the season being in full swing.

Headed to warmer weather

With the cold and snow still hanging around we decided to head south and spend Easter with the Virginia kids. Bonus, my son’s birthday is that week as well. Plan on getting at least 2-3 rounds in.

When I first started golfing, I bought a hard sided bag so that I could take my clubs with me when I flew. The first time I was going to take my clubs I researched how to pack them, and comments and suggestions were making me nervous. I asked a friend that worked at our local airport for tips, and she said do not take your clubs.

She said our little airport was not careful with baggage, imagine how Detroit or Chicago would be. I cannot fly anywhere from here without first stopping in Detroit or Chicago, so the clubs stayed home. Fortunately, my daughter-in-law generously lets me use her clubs when I am in town.

I wanted to use my clubs this trip and try out my new 9 wood. So, we making the drive. I have driven there and back alone and with my husband several times. It is about 15-16 hours and other than parts of Ohio, it is quite a pleasant drive (avoid D.C. traffic at all costs). Normally we drive right on through, but this trip we are going to get a room in the Cumberland, Maryland area for the night. That way we are not arriving late in the evening after the kids are asleep. Less disruptive that way on a holiday weekend.

By the time we are back home we should have much nicer weather and a lot of the courses will be open for at the very least walkers. I will have mastered my 9 wood and ready to break 100!

This Season

We have been planning out our golf trips for the season. I am hoping to get up to the western/central part of the Upper Peninsula and play some of those courses. There are my near and far favorites we will always go to and it is time to check some more courses off the bucket list.

I would love to play Greywalls in Marquette, I do not care how “hard” it is. I am never going to be good enough for the so-called hard courses so I might as well play them now. I would also love to try some of the smaller 9-hole courses on the west side of the U.P.

Wild Bluff in the Upper Peninsula is another one I would like to try. Mainly because my husband still talks about that course almost 2 years later. There are a few in the Soo area I would not mind hitting as well. My list of courses for this season may be a little too ambitious but going to give it a try. Of course, there will be lots of pictures and I am sure a few stories as well.

One of the places on my Bucket list is the Kingsley Club in Kingsley. This is a private club, and you can only play if you are a member or a guest of a member. I figure my only hope is for them to have a contest for members to bring the wonkiest golfer they can find. I would have members lining up to take me. My stance alone would win them first prize. 😊 So if there are any members out there and you need me for a contest at Kingsley Club or anywhere for that matter, let me know!

Boy’s Trips

Garland Golf Resort in Gaylord area and Black Lake Golf Club in Onaway are already booked for boys golf trips so far this season. Of course there is their annual trip to Drummond Island and playing at The Rock. I suspect there will be 2 or 3 more trips happening before the season is over.

Looking forward to pictures and hearing about Black Lake. That was a course I tried to book last year for our early spring trip, but I could not get any information. Not a patient woman and ended up booking at Lakeshore. I have heard nothing but wonderful things about Black Lake and now I will know if I need to be more patient and try to book it again.

Little River buys Bear Lake Highlands

There is also a new/old course I want to try in the Bear Lake/Manistee area. Little River Casino Resort purchased the former Bear Lake Highland Golf Course and have put it through a major facelift. They have renamed it Wolf River Golf Park. The anticipated opening date is May 26, 2023. Their website says that the name comes from a variety of heritage apples. Wolf River apples were grown on the property when it was an orchard a century ago.

Excited to get out on the course next week even if it is not here in Northern Michigan. Hopefully my 9 wood treats me as well as my 7 wood and we see my strokes drop considerably.

Northern Michigan Courses are Opening.

As mentioned above Arcadia Bluffs is showing tee times for Monday, April 3rd (unlikely). Other Northern Michigan courses are deciding on a day-by-day basis, and others have announced opening days.

There are many that are planning on opening up around the 15th of this month. As we did last year we are keeping track of opening day for all the courses Up North.

Visit Golf Up North and scroll down the home page and you will see where you can choose a region and it will take you to a page that lists course open and courses opening soon with anticipated open dates for that area.

We are monitoring all the courses websites, social media and emails they are sending and updating our website as information comes in. We encourage area courses to either post on our group page or email me at marisa@golfupnorth with opening information.

Remember this is Northern Michigan and the weather can and does change frequently. Verify with the course that they are open and offering the services you are interested in before heading out.

Follow us on Social Media

Join the discussion on Golf Up North Facebook Group

Let us know your favorite course, tips or anything golf related! We encourage golf courses to share their news and specials with our group.

You can also like and follow us on Facebook and/or Instagram where we share information on golf courses Up North and what we think are funny or interesting tidbits about golf.

Share Your Favorite Course With Us

We would love to hear about your favorite Course in the Upper Peninsula or Northern Lower Michigan. Send pictures of golfing your favorite course and a couple of sentences about why you love the course. We will share your pictures and recommendations with our readers and on our social media accounts. If you include a mailing address, we will send you some Golf Up North schwag as a thank you!! Send your pictures and comments to marisa@golfupnorth.com

Find your Up North Golf Course

If you would like to find your perfect Up North golf course visit Golf Up North.

We hope you enjoyed our latest issue of The Golf Up North Newsletter. Click here to see all the pictures we have taken of golf courses over the years.

Disclosure: We never tell a course who we are when we book and play a course. We do not ask nor will we accept free rounds to write about a course. We pay full price for our rounds for everyone in our group.

Golf Up North is part of the Up North Entertainment Group. Our family of sites also includes Up North Entertainment, Up North Wineries, Up North Breweries, Golfing Northern Michigan, Adventures in Northern Michigan, and Northern Michigan History.

[the25thviolence]

Last update (01-13-23)

Its weird that as a writer I keep some stories to myself.  I’ve talked about little characters I’ve made up before.  Like the shadow character OC that would of existed in My Hero Academia universe.  I explained it generally but actually I day dreamed an extremely detailed story about that character (honestly its pretty fucking R rated so I’m never writing it down).  All my little day dreams have like detailed stories that play in my head.  

I don’t know.  I never got like big into writing fanfictions or AUs or whatever.  Surprisingly all my stories are original.  But I still day dream like fan content into my own brain. 

Like in the midst of my early morning about to wake up ease dropping on my brain.  I was having a dream, than a dream about a cosplayer realizing her boyfriends kink by dressing up as Maki Zenin from Jujutsu Kaisen, than another dream.  I woke up like “why the fuck was there 30 seconds of that in my brain while I was dreaming????”.

My brain just drifts away while I’m asleep or awake.  I could be sitting down or driving my fucking car.  I just drift into a fucking story in my brain.  I can’t like stop it from starting but I can pull myself out when I want to.  I can start them when I want to too but like most the time my brain is like “lol bored making up a 300 year history of a made up kingdom for the next 5 minutes”. 

And I’m just like....

Eyes squinting.....

“What the fuck....”

Honestly its probably why I’ve loved sports games so much since I was a kid till right now as I play a sports game while writing this.  I think of weird funny little stories about what’s happening in my game as I’m playing.  I play franchise/association modes so I’ll be playing a decade+ of a team’s lifespan creating little sports stories in my head.  

I remember one year I was tired of my players getting hit hard so I put in my big running back to “punish” teams all season to wear them down so my star players could get more room.  

I could try and write down all my little day dreams.  

But often I feel like I day dream so much because I don’t really experience my dreams.  And dreaming is supposed to help you deal with your like life problems and come to terms with things.  So when I day dream I’ll just be randomly trying to come to terms with my life.  

SCENARIOS

ALL THE GOD DAMN SCENARIOS. 

They just pop in my head. 

What would happen if this happened.

What if they showed up. 

What if this person disappeared.

What if I died.

What if my family had a real problem.

What if someone tried to rob me.

What if my car broke down.

What if there was a fire right now. 

What if I wrote a book.

And like these long drawn out storylines play out inside my head till I snap out of it. 

Like simple one.  What if I wrote a book.  Oh no no no.  Not just the book.  Not the simple shit.  My fucking brain imagines the what the book is about.  The publishing people I deal with.  The conversations I have with my family about it.  Random questions strangers ask me about the book.  EVEN FOLLOW UP WITH THE PUBLISHER ABOUT WRITING ANOTHER BOOK AND MY BRAIN STARTS TO BRAINSTORM WHAT THAT BOOK WOULD BE ABOUT.  I LIVE A LIFE.  I GET MARRIED.  I OWN A HOUSE.  I IMAGINE MYSELF SITTING A TABLE LIVING COMFORTABLY BECAUSE THE FIRST BOOK SOLD WELL. 

My brain just feeds me these scenes one after another.  

I know its kind of sad.  

But like.

I’d much rather dream like a normal person than have a brain that works this way.

I’d much rather not have the experiences I’ve had that turned me into a writer. 

I’d much rather dream normally, not write, and just see a therapist twice a month. 

I wonder what my life would be like with a normal brain.  

P.S

My brain started thinking up a story about how many people would miss this version of me but I stopped it by yelling “Shut the fuck up none of those people are here now so who fucking cares what they would think.”

[transhoverfish]

How do you manage to write so much incredible stuff so quickly,,, magic

i do this trick where i procrastinate for months bc im all like "oh bz isnt gonna release soon i have plenty of time" and now bz releases in 4 days and i have two chapters to write so i write like 1000 words a day in blind panic KABDKSVDKSVR

SERIOUS ANSWER IS i just set up some time to write either in the morning or before i go to bed or sometimes both and instead of writing 100 words like some ppl suggest, i push myself for 300-500 minimum and that gets me through most chapters p quickly. since i make them around 2000-8000 words!

[flightlessangelwings]

Kinktober day 1: Face Sitting

Face-sitting || Cream-pie || Anonymous sex

Logan Delos x afab!reader

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: smut (18+ only), oral (reader receiving), no use of y/n, smut with no pronoun use

Notes: Kicking off kinktober with my favorite bisexual disaster bottom lol! I had a LOT of fun writing this one too! Kinktober list provided by the lovely @the-purity-pen! And feel free to follow my update blog too to stay up to date with my fics @flightlessangelwings-updates​. Enjoy!

~

You were bored.

This was supposed to be the event of the year: the Delos gala at the Ritz Carlton hotel to celebrate another successful year. It was all glitz and glam and beautiful people whenever you looked. This was your first time attending, and you had looked forward to this for months. But now that you were here, you were bored out of your mind. All anyone wanted to talk about was money and all the fancy things they bought with their fortunes.

You weren’t like that, though. It was just a job to you, and even though it paid well, you were nowhere near the level of riches that many of the attendees were. Not that you cared about it anyway. As long as you could take care of yourself and those around you, you were happy. So, you absent-mindedly listened to the conversations around you as you sipped your drink.

Then, a voice broke you out of your head, ‘“Enjoying yourself?”

Startled, you jumped a bit and almost dropped your glass, though luckily it was empty. With a gasp, you tightened your grip to keep it from happening as you turned toward the voice. Your mouth dropped open when you realized who the voice belonged to, “Logan?!”

Logan chuckled as he waved a server over and took two fresh glasses from his tray. He wrapped a hand over yours and slid the empty glass out of your hand and replaced it with a full one. Your heart hammered in your chest when you felt his soft skin against yours.

“You look bored,” Logan sounded amused as he clinked his glass with yours and took a big sip.

You suddenly felt flustered under his gaze, “I… Sorry,” you dropped your gaze.

“Don’t be,” Logan brought a hand under your chin and tilted your face back up to meet his eyes again, “These parties are dull as shit.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his bluntness. During your time working for Delos Inc, you saw Logan in passing several times. You’ve had brief conversations with him, but the two of you weren’t necessarily close. But, you couldn’t deny your immediate attraction to the tall, handsome man. You thought he wouldn’t look twice at you, that he was way out of your league, but the intense way he stared at you made you swallow hard.

“How about you and me get out of here and have a better party?”

Logan’s blunt offer made your heart pound in your chest and you were sure you had the stupidest dumbfounded look on your face. You stammered for a moment only to be cut off with his laughter, and oh how beautiful his laugh was. Quickly, you gathered whatever courage you had and answered with a hushed, “Yes.”

“Come on, beautiful,” Logan held a hand out to you and it was like the rest of the world melted away.

His hand felt warmer that you imagined and his grip was surprisingly strong. You let Logan guide you through the glitter that surrounded you until you were in an elevator with him. The moment the doors closed, he was on you and had you pinned against the wall. His large hand that once held yours was now on your face as he tilted you at just the right angle to meet his lips.

Logan’s kiss was heated as he took your lips with his own. He wasted no time in tasting you as his tongue darted out between your lips and you immediately parted them for him. You met his passions with your own as you clung to his silky suit jacket and moaned into his mouth.

“You taste so good,” Logan purred in your ear, “I can’t wait to taste the rest of you.”

You couldn’t even reply because the ding of the elevator cut you off, and Logan’s hand was back in yours. You couldn’t help the giddy grin on your face as he led you to his penthouse suite and locked the door behind you. Again, he pinned you against the door the moment you were truly alone and his lips were back on yours in a flash. 

Logan peeled you off the door and led you through the lavish suite into the bedroom. Along the way, you each tugged and pulled at each other’s clothes, desperate for the prizes underneath. Once you finally got him free of his jacket and shirt, the sight of Logan before you completely took your breath away. He definitely noticed, and with a sly grin of his own, he slid your dress off your shoulders.

“You looked pretty in that,” he motioned to your discarded clothes while he spoke in a low tone. Logan’s gaze bore into you as he ran his hands up and down your sides, “But you look even better like this.”

“Logan…” you breathed as you watched in awe as he shed his pants in one swift motion. You wanted to tell him how beautiful he was, and how many times you imagined having him like this, but any words were caught in your throat. Instead, you lunged forward and took his lips with yours as the two of you crashed onto the bed, his body underneath yours. But, when you tried to run your hands down his body, he stopped you, “What…?”

“Later,” Logan said softly, “First, I want you to sit on my face.”

“Are- Are you sure?”

Logan kissed you again before he guided your body up his own. You were hesitant, but you let him do what he wanted until your thighs were on either side of his face. When you looked down, you lost any air in your lungs as he looked up at you with those dark eyes. Wasting no time, Logan wrapped his arms around your thighs and pulled you down until your pussy made contact with his tongue.

You let out an embarrassingly loud moan as Logan immediately dove his tongue into your folds. You rocked your hips against his face as he swirled his tongue around all your sensitive spots. It was as if he had a map to your body, since he found every place you liked. You held onto the bed frame to hold yourself up while Logan licked and sucked at your pussy. 

“Logan…” you moaned his name as you felt the heat build up in your body, “I’m…”

It didn’t take long for you to completely come undone on Logan’s face, and he did not let up until you were a whimpering, trembling mess. You leaned forward and rested your head against the bed frame while Logan pepperd soft kisses all along your inner thigh. He made no attempt to move, however, content to lay underneath you for the time being.

“You definitely taste better than I imagined,” Logan murmured as he slowly kissed your pussy again, “Ride my face again, baby.”

That was when you discovered how insatiable Logan really was, not that either of you had any complaints. You’d return the favor whenever he decided to let you off of his face.

~

Ben Barnes characters 

@addriaenne @kaqua​ @fific7​ @purple-poppy​ @katedrexel​ @things4your​ @rachlovesactors​ @eternallyvenus​ @datrie​ @lilypad-55449​ @coldlilheart​ @sam-hollandsgirl​ @carlywhomever​ @practicalghost​ @recklessworry​ @evyiione​ @eginv-blog​ @bisexualbilly​

Logan Delos

@stardust-danvers​ @wvndasmaximoff​ 

[dreamkidddream]

I’d like to request hc’s of the Brothers and Diavolo reacting to an MC that’s so cute, she could pass off as a doll. If she stands perfectly still, she could pass off as a full sized doll until she moves again. She has adorable doe eyes, wears cute clothes (Lolita fashion or just has an anime girl style), and even makes cute desserts. If the usual MC was weak and frail to them already, Doll!MC seems so dainty, precious, and fragile; these guys would ban paper if she ever got a paper cut.

Oooooo this is really interesting! I can just imagine Doll!MC just making everyone so scared every time she moves because they could probably hurt themselves just bumping into a wall because they look so fragile lol. These were short, so hope you enjoy!

Update: here’s part 2 with the other Undateables!

The Brothers and Diavolo Reacting to Doll!MC

Lucifer

...maybe he made a mistake in picking you for the exchange program after all

You just look so delicate, and just so pure. 

You have definitely made cute little snacks and brought it to him while he locked himself in the office with paperwork

He lowkey highkey likes it no matter how he brushes it off with the usual thanks. Keep doing it, MC, he really appreciates it

When you get in trouble and he gives you the usual lectures, he can’t look into your eyes for long

Geez, he already can’t stay mad at you for long but now he can just feel his resolve cracking

If you get hurt oh Diavolo prepare for helicopter parent Lucifer

As soon as you accidently cut yourself in the kitchen (it would be the tiniest cut, barely noticeable),  you’re no longer allowed in the kitchen unsupervised and can’t handle anything with a sharp end (whether its a butter knife or kid proof scissors that would be safe for Luke to use unsupervised)

“Let me do it for you, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Lucifer, thank you but I’ll be okay. It’s just a frosting spatula it’s not sharp-”

Will punish his brothers 10x worse and demons 100x more if he finds out you got hurt (doesn’t matter what the injury is, could be so much as a paper cut there will be hell to pay)

Constantly checks on you when he can’t see you in person

Handles you so lightly that you barely feel his touch

Move over Belphie, you’re the baby of the house now 

Mammon

Protective x100000

Is still tsudere around you, but doesn’t insult you as much

Who are you kidding as soon as he looks into your cute doe eyes, he forgets what he’s saying 

Complains about having to do stuff for you but doesn’t mind at all really. He loves it because it feels like you’re depending on him, and that makes him feel worth something.

“C’mon human, let the Great Mammon carry your books! You’re gonna hurt yourself and I don’t feel like hearing Lucifer’s mouth today!”

It was just your planner and a small recipe book that Luke gave you, and it weighed less than 10 pounds but okay. You don’t complain either when you see that he genuinely wants to help and do these things

Basically your loud guard dog and secret service agent rolled into one

He’s gotten into trouble more than once for “protecting you”. A student barely bumped your shoulder and Mammon already tackled him. Lucifer was not pleased (but he secretly understood)

He can’t help it that you’re weak and surrounded by hungry demons! It’s a pain to go through this much effort to just protect you, since you look so helpless

MC he’s just worried that you easily break if a demon so much as breathes on you but he likes that he can protect you because he knows that he can keep you safe. You’re just too cute and sweet okay??

Also stand in his room after watching a horror movie to freak him out and he’ll be sounding like Mariah Carey lmao

Leviathan

RURI-CHAN IS THAT YOU??!

Is for sure having an otaku/weaboo freakout moment

You blend in with figurines so well, every time you come into his room he asks you to stand next to them so he can feel that his collection is complete 

He does it sometimes when he streams so people can think he has a rare limited-edition life sized doll that they can’t get. Makes him feel superior 

DRESSING YOU UP IN COSPLAY 100%

You’re like an anime character but in real life and he does not know how to handle it 

Can’t stare into your eyes, it makes them too flustered because he’s used to seeing it in his otome games and not from an actual person that he likes

Who needs maid cafes when he has you? You even dress and make anime themed desserts (once he built up the courage to ask you to make it for him)

Has to calm his beating heart every time he talks to you, you’re too precious for him MC! 

Your like his very own idol, minus the singing and dancing. However, if you can sing and dance....

Levi.exe has stopped working 

Satan

Thought you were a real doll until you introduced yourself

He really thought that someone brought you to life Pinocchio style

You looked like a princess from the many stories that he read, and he was smitten

Treated you so graceful and elegant like until he had his rage moments, which he told you to stay far, far, far away from him until he calmed down completely

Secretly placed a hex on you to where if someone tried to attack you or touch you with harmful intentions, they would be somehow be subjected to looking at their worst fear

You were wondering why that random stranger was just staring wide at you with extensive terror, but then you saw Satan grinning, so you left it alone. You thought it was just some weird demon thing

Loved when you made him cat-themed desserts

If you wore cat ears while doing it, he will turn extremely red

If you meow for him, he won’t know how to handle himself 

Asmodeus

You are just the cutest thing he has ever laid his eyes on!!

Besides from himself of course, don’t get it twisted he’s still #1

He has most definitely had more than one photoshoot done with you both. And you guys have been trending on the Devilgram a couple of times already

Really you guys trend at least twice a month, and his fans love you!

They always ask where he got the doll from but he always laughs and says that “it’s a secret”

Imagine their shock when they see you walking and talking at RAD, some are amazed and some are downright scared

Fashion shows! 

He lives for dressing you up in cute clothes. Your style already suited you and he had great tastes so the new outfits he got you were just *chef’s kiss*

The cute little desserts that you made for him, he always posted it on the Devilgram before he ate it. They were just so cute MC and he couldn’t not show his fans!

Is the most careful brother when it comes to keeping you out of danger. He refused to let his body or skin damaged, and he wasn’t about to let it happen to you either! You are both way too dainty and fragile to let anything happen

Also spa days and self-care nights weekly!

You’re the perfect match made just for him MC

He finally has someone that can understand his struggle of being beautiful, bless you MC

Beelzebub

Soft boy is scared of touching you :(

He towers over you, and he’s scared to even be near you

It takes some time, but he starts to warm up to you

Is always gentle with you, no matter the scenario

Holding hands? He is hardly gripping your hand, said hand fitting loosely in his

Getting hugs? He’s meagerly holding you, not wanting to crush you

You once complained to Beel that it wasn’t fair to get half done hugs (if you were hugging, you were getting a real hug, not a scared one). 

He made you swear that if he was hurting you to let him know, so now you have your very own signal to use for him just in case

He was very tempted to wrap you in bubble wrap and just carry you around like that

He LOVES your sweets, even more than Luke’s and Barbatos’

No matter the size, he loves them, mainly because you made them and it was made with love, just for him

It always makes him feel so warm inside, and he doesn’t feel his appetite gnawing at him like usual

No one is dumb enough to try anything with you both in his presence and not, unless they want to end up either a: deep into the ground or b: into his stomach

You just make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and he just loves everything about you. He just loves you

Belphegor

Hm, you look cute 

For a human

Acts like he doesn’t care, but you’ve caught him blushing before (he still does it too)

Won’t outright admit that you’re charming in your own little way, but he does in his sarcastic way like usual

“MC, you’re such a half-pint. You’re like my personal sized teddy bear.”

Has cuddled with you like you were his personal teddy bear (and still does, but you don’t complain at all)

Has a secret sweet tooth and eat your desserts whenever you make it just for him (and he doesn’t even share it with Beel, that monster)

Demons just have to look Belphie in the eyes, watch him flex his claws, and they all of a sudden forget about whatever they were planning. Good

He hates that you look so fragile, but at the same time he kinda likes it

You just look so soft, and you’re just so kind

It makes him feel like he’s protecting and caring for you, and that makes him feel calm and peaceful 

Please make sure that he’s okay MC, he’s scared that he’s gonna mess up again

Diavolo

The Prince of Hell is both surprised and pleased at your appearance

Do all humans look this charming or is it just you??

If someone as soft as you can survive living and going to school with demons, then this is great

Knew that you weren’t a doll, but still liked to admire you like one

Has asked more than once for pictures, you are just too enchanting!

Wants to have a portrait painted of you so he can hang it up in the castle

LOVES you baking for him! Loves when Barbatos does it too (even though it is kinda part of his job), but it feels different with you. It feels...domestic in a sense. Makes him feel like Diavolo, your friend and very interested in being your boyfriend, instead of Lord Diavolo, the prince that will be residing over Hell in the future

No one would be foolish enough to hurt you. If someone was, they wouldn’t even get the chance to lift a finger before they were directly dealing with him. Don’t take his kindness for weakness, he still is a demon after all, the future King of Hell to be exact

Was scared of touching you at first, but quickly grew out of it! He can handle his own strength, and you guys also have a signal to use just in case he does squeeze a little too tight

Will want to dress you up in royal clothes (if you were okay with it). Nothing is wrong with your current style, as a matter of fact it suits you! He basically just wants to play a fancy game of dress up/have a fashion show with royal clothing

Will take 100s of photos, no exaggeration

Asmo will be jealous, so be warned

Plus, he wants to know how his future lover/ruler would look in a crown so he can start taking measurements. You can never be too ready, right MC?

[boltthrutheheart]

Daryl and Beth: Honey and the Moon

Hey guys…I’m don’t really get personal about my life online…on any sort of open forum or platform, but I guess it is time to open up a little. Writing Bethyl fanfiction has been such a passion of mine since…well, since I first binged TWD in early 2014, and Beth and Daryl, their story, and all of their possibilities (before Still and Alone aired) captured my heart and imagination. It has been such a constructive creative outlet for me, and although through the years, my fic writing went from posting chapters sometimes twice a week to having a more complicated life that only allowed me to update once a month, to even less than that, a few times a year, I have always held my fics very dear to heart. When Covid came around, the uncertainty of life during that few year period really sucked my creative spirit right out of me, and I hoped it would get better as we learned to live with Covid and we got back to normal life. But then something all the worse happened. My Dad got really sick in October of 2021. His doctor didn’t take him seriously…until he did…but by the time he was taken seriously and sent to a specialist in early December, my Dad was mostly bedridden, and it was too late. He had a very aggressive form of cancer, and it was at the terminal stage. With Chemo, we were able to buy some time together…my Dad was my best friend and my business partner…and I am an only child to boot, so it hit me as hard as anyone can imagine. In the spring, the doctors saw some improvement that they thought might give us a substantial amount of time…but in the end, those results were somehow read wrong, and by the beginning of July, my Dad passed away. During all the time he was sick, I was his caretaker (at the end, 24 hours a day), and I was happy to be there for him, I wouldn’t have had it any different, but needless to say, there was no time or inspiration for me to pursue any sort of thing that I used to have passion for. I would peek in on the fandom from time to time, but I was mostly separated from it. Even now, two months after my Dad’s passing, I am still so devastated and bereft that sometimes I can’t even comprehend what happened over the last almost year, but I am trying to find ways to get back to who I used to be…trying to get back into the creativity that I love and need so much.

Then…inspiration just found me…a prompt for the UBFL summer writing contest. I just sat down and found it in myself to write again, and at the end of my little one-shot, when I read it back, it brought me warmth, a sense of sweetness that is still possible in the world, and a sense of accomplishment that I didn’t know I would or could feel again. And then this little one-shot went on to win the contest…when I found out, it honestly made me tear up…in a good way…which hadn’t happened in a very long time. So it is with such a sense of delight and accomplishment that I get to share my newest Bethyl fic with the fandom. I want to thank anyone who voted for me…I am humbled by it, and I really appreciate it more than I can say. It came at the time I needed it the most. I would also like to say that it made my heart happy to see so many wonderful writers submit fics to the contest. The Bethyl fandom might not be as active as it used to be…but those people who still share their creations so freely with the fandom bring such heart, love, and passion to those who still wait so eagerly and need the stories that present all the possibilities of the lives Beth and Daryl could and should have shared. Also...thank you so much @ultimatebethylficlist for continuing to bring us events to keep the fandom active and inspired.

 So, again, thank you all so much for this opportunity to share my fic and find my creativity again. I can’t say that I will be back to writing on a regular basis anytime soon in regards to my long WIPs. I am currently in a certification program since I am pursuing a new career for this new chapter in my life, but I hope by the new year when I have received my certification that I can dive back into fic writing with my full heart.

 My Bethyl fic, Honey and the Moon, can be found on both AO3 and FFnet at the following links:

(x) Honey and the Moon AO3 (x)

(x) Honey and the Moon FFnet (x)

The title as well as the lyrics in the fic are from the song Honey and the Moon by Joseph Arthur.

[jatp-spinsb]

Chaos prompts: 3 + Reggie/Ray

Chaos prompt 3: "We do not need that many tiny pumpkins."

This is set in Innytoes’s ABO au. The gist of the world building is that omegas aren’t legally people, and they have to be registered to an alpha. Reggie is an omega who is registered to Ray and Caleb (both alphas), who are married. The concept is dystopian, but fluffiness abounds.

Once Ray and Caleb realized that all Reggie did with his new credit card was buy groceries, they agreed to give him access to their Amazon account. At the very least, they wanted him to be able to watch things on Amazon and, Caleb hoped, he’d become bolder about buying things he wanted for himself. (Caleb’s ulterior motive was to spy on Reggie’s purchase history so that he could get a better idea of what sorts of things Reggie might like as gifts.)

This ended up backfiring when Reggie realized he could buy Halloween decorations on Amazon.

Ray logged into his account, noticed the number of new items in the cart, and started rubbing his temples as he tried to sort through the dozens of Halloween-themed decorations Reggie had added (he hadn’t bought any of it yet, but clearly the man loved Halloween).

“Reggie,” Ray called as the omega passed through the dining room where Ray was on his laptop, “remind me to show you the box of Halloween decorations we have in the loft in the garage.”

Reggie froze, facing paling (more than usual). “You’re on your Amazon, aren’t you?”

“You’re not in trouble,” Ray assured him quickly, and Reggie relaxed a fraction. “It’s just that we already have enough decorations to put up around the house. I don’t know where we’d put,” he paused, scanning the screen and picking an object at random, “30 tiny plastic pumpkins?”

Reggie cleared his throat. “It’s actually 60. I put it in the cart twice.”

Ray gave him an incredulous look. “We do not need that many tiny pumpkins.”

“I know,” Reggie said, somewhat dejectedly. “It’s just, Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I’ve never lived with anyone who wanted to decorate for Halloween, so I might have gone a little overboard imagining all the different ways we could decorate the house.” He gave a half shrug. “It’s stupid. Halloween’s not even for a couple of months, anyway.”

Ray walked over to Reggie and wrapped him in a hug. Reggie wrapped his arms around Ray in return. “Reggie, it’s not stupid. It sounds like it’s something you’ve wanted for a long time, and no one’s ever given it to you. But in this house, we do decorate for Halloween, and you’re welcome to help us make the house look extra spooky, if you want to.”

Reggie nodded against Ray’s shoulder. “I would love that.”

Ray smiled. “And who knows? Maybe it’s time to update some of our decorations. Do you want to go through the Halloween bin with me and see what we might get rid of to make room for some new stuff?”

Reggie pulled back, eyes wide. “For real?”

“Of course! We can even do it right now, if you want.”

The grin on Reggie’s face lit up the whole room. “Race you to the garage!” And with that he took off. Ray, knowing it was a race he would lose, was just happy to see Reggie excited.

When Caleb came home, he found them knee-deep in the Halloween decorations that were spread all over the garage floor. Confused as he was, Ray walked over to him, gave him a peck and whispered, “It’s for Reggie.”

Later, Ray showed him what he had found in the Amazon cart, and Caleb was delighted to realize that he now had new gift ideas for Reggie.

[artemis-entreri]

[[ This post contains Part 3 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Glacier’s Edge, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: The Way of the Drow: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #38 (#35 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (August 09, 2022)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Glacier’s Edge and used above is originally done by David Palumbo. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

As of this point, I am still finishing this document. I will be posting the subsequent sections. The table of contents will be updated when it is complete.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives I.1 Sublime Similes and Marvelous Metaphors I.2 Other Effective Imagery I.3 Consistent Lore and Decent Worldbuilding I.4 Respectable and Respectful Characterization

II. Neutrals

III. Negatives (Technical Writing) [you are here] III.1 Punctuation Problems III.2 Shameful Similes and Maladroit Metaphors III.3 Other Imagery Issues

IV. Negatives (Characterization)

V. World Breaks

VI. Religious Commentary

VII. Ego Stroking

VIII. Problematic Themes

IX. What’s Next

Negatives (Technical Writing)

While not valued by some, correct technical writing, such as spelling, punctuation and grammar, go a long way towards a book’s fundamental readability. Although I consider Salvatore’s errors in the technical department minor compared to the crimes he commits against, for instance, characterization, I will point out the errors in Glacier’s Edge both for the sake of being thorough, but also because it’s pretty embarrassing for an author that touts his status as a multi-time New York TImes Bestseller to have so many issues occur in his technical writing. Some of these instances appear to be typos that were also overlooked by his editor, but some appear to be, appallingly, conscious choices that Salvatore made.

Punctuation Problems

The first example of bad technical writing occurs in the very first sentence of the prologue:

This is one of those shockingly bad conscious choices. “And the cold.” is not a proper sentence, as it lacks both a subject and a predicate. I believe Salvatore was trying to achieve a sense of isolation, with emphasis on the dark, quiet and the cold, but this is a really clumsy and not at all evocative way of going about it. While it’s true that brevity is the soul of wit, it does not mean that one should abandon basic writing rules, especially when doing so doesn’t gain anything at all to convey one’s point. The above construction would work better if it, for instance, told us more about either of the three qualities of dark, quiet, and cold, and then drew a comparison of the other two qualities to the one that’s being specified. As it is, with just those two sentences, dark can be anything from sunset to the lightless areas of the Underdark, quiet could be anything from a classroom during an exam to a soundproofed room, and both a Floridian in New York during November and a Swede in the second month that the sun hasn’t risen would both be cold. Adjectives just flung out there do leave more space for the imagination, but that lack of specificity also fails to convey the qualities of the setting.

The next error is a basic one:

The absence of the comma feels strangely like seeing a car painted a really ugly shade like baby shart green. It’s not a big deal if it’s some old, run down vehicle from an age long past, no one’s going to look at it twice anyway and if they do, the paintjob isn’t what they’d worry about. However, in this case with Mr. Mutli-NYT Bestseller, who believes that his work is more akin to a Ferrari, looking at that painfully basic error is like looking at a freaking Ferrari painted baby shart green complete with textured details in shades of brown and yellow.

The baby shart green car phenomenon reappears with:

I’ll leave it off here rather than coming up with another overly detailed and gross analogy for this technical and very basic error.

Another example of a technical and very basic mistake is the following:

Everyone makes typos, but not everyone throws their weight around boasting about how they’re multi-time NYT Bestsellers and how they “created the drow of the Forgotten Realms” (by the way, he didn’t. Dude didn't even create Lolth or her cult, let alone other drow deities, faiths, cultures, and cities). This kind of thing is just embarrassing for someone with decades of writing experience and access to the editors of one of the world’s top publishing companies.

Shameful Similes and Maladroit Metaphors

While Salvatore has pulled off some successful similes in Glacier’s Edge, the following is not an example of one:

The sad thing about this fail is that it seems that Salvatore had the right idea, but instead of actually describing a delicious, flavor-filled scent from a far-off land, he just leaves it feeling like notes to an editor or ghostwriter to do the actual work. It is understandable that specificity might prove to be a turn-off to some readers, as people’s tastes vary vastly. However, it’s still better to use something specific and evocative, and there are a lot of things that are pretty much safe bets across countless cultures, for instance the smell of bread freshly out of the oven.

Salvatore demonstrates in Glacier’s Edge that he understands how to use similes, even understands how to use them well, but then passages like the following call that knowledge into question:

This is frustrating for two reasons: first, based on how we see that window of ice function, it is literally a trap by D&D standards. If we move away from D&D though, and consider this from the perspective of someone who’s never heard of D&D before, the comparison doesn’t really elucidate anything. This simile, if it can even be called that, is just confounding all around. The sad thing is, this sentence has an immensely easy and straightforward fix: remove everything after the comma and replace the comma with a period. If he’s really married to mentioning the trap comparison, simply remove the “like”, and bam, it’s better.

A successful simile not only employs an evocative image, the comparison should also possess the appropriate mood. The following is a decent comparison, however conveys entirely the wrong mood:

A frantic crab evokes chaos, incoordination, and most of all, retreat, as the only time that most people witness frantic crabs is when they’re trying to eat them and the crab is attempting to flee for its life. It doesn’t even evoke speed, as even a crab in full retreat is not the speediest of creatures. While this could be somewhat mitigated if one were to substitute “demonic” for “frantic” that still doesn't make it truly appropriate. After all, the Hunter, the name given to Drizzt’s primal battle alter ego that puts him in a higher state of instincts and enhances his combat prowess, is supposed to be more akin to an apex predator. Silent, precise and deadly as a great horned owl diving for its prey is more the vibe of the Hunter, not some unintelligent crustacean that’s pretty far down multiple food chains.

Another misuse of simile can be found in the following:

All it takes to fix this one is to change the simile to an explanation. As a simile, the passage fails like the earlier one about a trap reset. Rewritten as, for instance, “a hand reaching up from the floor as though some gigantic creature dwelled below the icy surface”, fewer words are employed, and becomes more evocative.

A good simile loses its effectiveness if used repeatedly. This is the case with the following:

The instance of likening Minolin Fey to a displacer beast is effective, but removing the tentacles and a pair of legs from the feline does not a new simile make. Much like how the first instance of something is unique but the second is a copycat and a poser, this low budget simile falls flat. That isn’t to say repeated and similar similes can’t be effective, for instance if the author wants to convey that a certain character has feline qualities, repeating variations of the comparison can solidify the impression. However, these are two totally different characters. By comparing them to similar things, it only serves to muddle the distinctiveness of their respective personalities.

I’ll take this opportunity to refresh what constitutes a simile: a simile is a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid. Similes, alongside metaphors, all fall under the analogies category. Although it wouldn’t be totally inaccurate to describe the above passage as an analogy, in general analogies are more extensive and elaborate than a simile. Furthermore, analogies are a type of argument where there is a clear comparison and a relation between two different concepts or objects and similes are a literary device that makes a direct comparison between two different things. For this reason, the comparison being made in an analogy can be used to make an explanatory point, whereas a simile cannot be used in the same fashion.

An example of a bad simile is the one found at the end of this passage:

While the imagery of a terrified washerwoman stomping rats isn’t a bad one insofar as being evocative, the mood in the comparison is totally wrong. As a dragon, Tazmikella is among the apex predators of her world, which is true even considering that copper dragons are not the most powerful among dragons. The opponents that she is treading underfoot are certainly to her as at most rats are to a human woman, far less than rats if one is being honest, as the average rat wouldn't likely be eliminated due a a generic stomping, even if the stomper was terrified. Further, the mood of the situation Tazmikella is in compared to the washerwoman is severely off. The passage leading up to the last part projects confidence, ferociousness, and the coordination of a majestic creature dominating her enemies. A terrified washerwoman in contrast likely stomps more floor than rat, and while there might be an argument made for ferociousness, she is anything but coordinated, majestic, or confident in her endeavors. I suppose bonus points should be given to Salvatore for attempting to make an in universe comparison (in the sense that the Realms, as a fantasy world loosely based on medieval times has washerwomen like all such fantasy worlds do), however in this case that is not sufficient to save it from failing. The sad thing is, this simile could be greatly improved by a simple modification: the removal of the word “terrified”, or perhaps replacing it with something to the effect of “frenzied”. With either change, the lack of confidence and coordination can be effectively removed by the reader’s interpretation. The no longer specifically terrified washerwoman becomes one who is accustomed to dealing with rats as one of the aspects of city life, and is going about her routine of chasing them away from her work space. In such a scenario, both confidence and coordination comes from her familiarity with the situation. Better similes can be found for the situation, but the existing one is salvageable.

The final simile fail, which really takes the cake, is the following: 

What the serious heck is this analogy even supposed to mean? Taking it apart doesn’t help in making any more sense of it, starting with how the children sent to war part is supposed to be a positive, but even in Lolthite drow culture that is definitely not a positive practice. What exactly is Gromph feeling here? One would presume pride or perhaps determination, given the impressive scope of his attack and the formidability of his opponent. I think Salvatore might be trying for that Gromph is putting out meteors in a great quantity like some large birthing monster puts out offspring, but even taken in that context, it’s difficult to make sense of this comparison. Is Salvatore saying that Gromph has sent many of his children to war? That Gromph enjoys seeing his children burn? It’s honestly difficult to tell. This is most likely one of those things that he wrote thinking that it sounds cool, and of course those among his fans who believe that the most redeeming quality of women are their looks will be all like, “omg that’s so cool” without actually stopping and considering that it means less than nothing.

Other Imagery Issues

One of the most prominent and obnoxious Salvatorisms has been the “back on his/her/their heels” phrase. In the past, Salvatore used this phrase so much that someone was being forced back on their heels in almost every tense encounter, combat or otherwise. He has gotten better from abusing it so much, hopefully from the realization that people do not actually go back onto their heels when surprised, especially not expert masters of combat. In Glacier’s Edge, this usage appears only four times. One of those times actually has me wondering if Salvatore has indeed progressed enough beyond this old and awful trope to poke fun at himself for it:

As commendable as it would be if he were intentionally making fun of himself, unfortunately this passage is unsuccessful overall. While it is a decent example of using context to define the uncommon word “hallux”, unfortunately the understanding of the word is incomplete. The hallux is indeed on the back side of a bird’s foot, but it’s one of the digits of the foot rather than the actual heel. The hallux of a bird is more like our thumb or big toe, and a creature with bird feet would not want to go back on its hallux anymore than we’d want to put weight on our fingers or toes in the opposite direction that they naturally bend. What would more realistically happen, in the unrealistic scenario of going back on one’s heels, is that the vrock would go back to the part of its feet that’s most similar to our thenars, which are the rounded fleshy parts of the hand at the base of the thumb, or in other words, the “heel” of our palms. Please note that I’m not saying that the above passage would be improved with the incorporation of accurate technical terms. It would not be, and the best way to fix it is to drop this Salvatorism altogether.

Astonishingly, sometimes Salvatore seems to actually forget what a simile is, and/or how to use one:

The above is an utter failure of a writing device masquerading as a simile. The context of the situation is that Galathae and Allefaero are being pursued by polar worms as they desperately try to make their way to the ropes leading out of the worms’ lair. The entity whose side is blackened and smoking is one of the polar worms, who had been struck by one of Allefaero’s lightning attacks. The polar worm had literally been seared by lighting. There is no “as if” about it. The way that this is written is the same type of fail as, “the lamp sat there like an inanimate light-emitting object”, “the ice was as cold as frozen water”, “the fire was hot like burning”, you get the idea. Even if the argument were made that this passage is written the way it is because it’s being told from Galathae’s perspective and that she was really in the zone, that she didn’t know what Allefaero had been up to, it would make even less sense. Galathae and Allefaero had gone down as a two man rescue team, in a highly dangerous situation one doesn’t need to be a seasoned combatant to know to prioritize having each other’s backs. Furthermore, Galathae had seen Allefaero use devastating lightning attacks against the polar worms, and her witnessing his prowess had caused a conscious shift of her perspective of him. Finally, in that same scene, we’re told how sacred Galathae considered her duty of trying to save Allefaero and how she owed it to her god to do so. Given all of these, Galathae would either have to be not very bright at all or have less of a memory than a goldfish to see the polar worm’s injury and think, “Oh gee, that looks like lightning damage, I wonder where it came from?” rather than immediately making the connection between it and Allefaero. It would be easily fixed by dropping the “as if”, or just removing everything after the comma altogether.

Repetition is definitely not the soul of wit, but Salvatore sure enjoys engaging in it. Spamming the words, “magnificent” and “fine”, has long been one of the Salvatorisms, but thankfully with the recent books he seems to have been weaned off of the habit of using those two words. In my analyses of previous books, I noted that unfortunately he has replaced those two favorites with new words to spam. In Glacier’s Edge, he adds “strange creature” to his arsenal:

While in general, three times can hardly be called spamming, Salvatore only uses “strange creature” four times in the book, and three of those refer to Yvonnel 2.0. Moreover, each of those three instances of referring to Yvonnel 2.0 are done by different characters: the first by Sos’Umptu Baenre, the second by Kyrnill Melarn, and the third by Mez’Barris Armgo. Less of imparting to the reader that the Lolthites view Yvonnel 2.0 in a dehumanizing (de-drow-izing?) manner, the repetition of “strange creature” feels more like a memo had been passed around among the Lolthites denoting that this is how Yvonnel 2.0 should be described. Its almost as if Menzoberranzan's Facebook had Yvonnel change her status to “Strange Creature”. It would’ve been more effective for each of the matron mother listed above to have her own way of describing Yvonnel 2.0, but all to the same effect. However, Salvatore does not do this, perhaps out of laziness, or perhaps it was too difficult for him to come up with two variations of the concept of “strange creature”. Here are some alternatives that could’ve worked: bizarre entity, aberration, odd beast, incomprehensible personage. I didn’t use a thesaurus for those, but perhaps Salvatore could benefit from using one. However, a thesaurus is just a tool, and like any tool, its effectiveness depends on the abilities of its wielder. Knowing Salvatore, sadly, the most likely outcome of the employment of a thesaurus would be phrases that range from weird to cringey in nature. 

One of the ways to distinguish between a good author and a bad one is through gauging the amount of showing versus telling that they employ in their writing. Showing is using descriptions that appeal to the reader’s senses to convey an idea, concept, image and/or conclusion to them, whereas telling is directly informing the reader of the aforementioned things. Writing via showing is superior to writing via telling not only because it’s more poignant, but also it’s more difficult to pull off effectively. Salvatore’s writing unfortunately consists of a great deal of telling rather than showing, and just like there are varying degrees of success when it comes to showing, there are varying degrees of failure when it comes to telling. The following passage in Glacier’s Edge is an example of telling instead of showing, and a particularly incompetent case of it as well:

The failure that I’m specifically referring to is “distinctive-looking”, an adjective that conveys nothing at all in terms of characterization. Distinctive can mean being different from others, or having an uncommon quality. If we take the first meaning, it’s really a ‘well, duh” moment, because everyone looks different from everyone else. The second meaning doesn’t make the descriptor any more effective, for the traits that Salvatore elaborates upon, namely her thick copper hair and bigger than average blue eyes, are not qualities that are all that out of the ordinary. It would be far more effective to take out the waste of the two words and replace them with descriptions of other aspects of her features. For instance, how high and pronounced are her cheekbones? Do her ears have a slight point to them because of her true nature? What is the size of her nose, the height of its bridge, the flare of the nostrils, the shape of its tip? Since this is Ilnezhara, mayhaps she’d incorporate some subtle draconic features in her human appearance, for instance, do her pupils have a slight vertical elongation that only the most observant might note? Are her teeth just slightly too sharp for a human’s, only visible when she grins fiercely? Is her hair straight, curly, or any number of textures, and does it shine with a metallic gleam under sunlight? All of these are just some of the many many examples of how we could be shown about Ilnezhara, instead of being told she’s “distinctive-looking”. As it is however, Salvatore might as well be describing the protagonist of the live action Alita: Battle Angel movie, a film most remember by the realistic anime-proportioned character:

Change the hair and eye color, and we’d have the “distinctive-looking” woman described above. That’s truly a face that’ll stick in your mind because it’s so much unlike anything else you’ve seen before, hence distinctive. Sorry, not sorry.

Salvatore’s fight scenes might as well be treatises on telling instead of showing. In the more recent books, the fight scenes have gotten better, mainly through their decreases in length. The shorter sequences have reduced the likelihood of there being more words than clarity about what is actually happening. Often the earlier descriptions have played out like Hollywood C-list stop-action fight sequences, as this reader’s experience demonstrates:

However, this isn’t to say that the telling has gotten any better or is even reduced. Case in point:

Much like the earlier example with “distinctive-looking”, this passage serves us up a bunch of words with very little meaning. It also feels totally devoid of heart. In previous novels, Salvatore would liken Drizzt’s combat maneuvers to a deadly dance, now, these descriptors fall so flat that they don’t even possess the concept that they could leap off the page and lift our imaginations. Like all of Salvatore’s combat scenes, there is so much lost potential. Instead of making a grocery list of occurrences, the scenes would be much more evocative if they, like with all effective writing, appealed to all of our senses. Action scenes have the additional potential of throwing the reader into the midst of them by offering us glimpses of the participants’ thoughts and reactions, as well as what they see, hear, feel, smell, and taste, but of course, Salvatore doesn’t do that either. I suppose the one upside to the example cited above is that at least he didn’t actually cite a specific number of strikes and conceivable angles, which, given his track record, would’ve been laughably ridiculous in nature.

It is difficult to say why the examples covered in this section exist, as many of them are easy fixes, or have corresponding successful instances as discussed in the Positives section. As that section showed, Salvatore can do better, but it’s anyone’s guess why he doesn’t. Of course, while it does happen with some books, it would be unreasonable to expect every book to excel throughout. However, this reader can’t help but feel that a little extra effort can go a long way into improving the quality of Drizzt novels, at least in the technical department.

It is difficult to say why the examples covered in this section exist, as many of them are easy fixes, or have corresponding successful instances as discussed in the Positives section. As that section showed, Salvatore can do better, but it’s anyone’s guess why he doesn’t. Of course, while it does happen with some books, it would be unreasonable to expect every book to excel throughout. However, this reader can’t help but feel that a little extra effort can go a long way into improving the quality of Drizzt novels, at least in the technical department.