#could you guys just leave women alone. its international womens day. come on now

[relaxxattack]

i’ve been seeing a lot of trans discourse too and idk where it’s coming from!! i think tma stands for “trans misogyny applicable” which i’ve seen most people use to just refer to trans women and transfems?? and tme stands for “trans misogyny exempt” which i’ve seen a lot of people use to refer to transmasc people and cis people which i don’t understand?? aren’t all trans people vulnerable to transmisogyny?? i don’t get it ;-;

yeah they are but if trans women want to have specific words for their specific experiences that’s fine honestly, i do feel like they’re absolutely uniquely vulnerable within the queer community and often the target of prejudice by even other queers

the intricate levels of discourse going on about it are beyond my understanding though, probably because i’m just not very knowledgeable on the subject

[iwadori]

are you going to do a 'when the haikyuu boys make you insecure' part with Iwaizumi / could I request that?

When they make you insecure part 6 (Iwaizumi,Matsukawa)

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 Part 6

Word Count: 2.8K

Genre: Angst, Fluff

masterlist

AN: Did I embedd myself in this story? Yes, yes i did. :3 (it’s only a small part dw loool)

Iwaizumi

One day when you were walking to the gym to go see your boyfriend  

You overhear him and the team talking about some instagram girl

“She’s hot” you hear Boktuo yell doing a hoot as he fawns over a picture, with the rest of the guys agreeing.  

“What do you think Iwaizumi?” Hinata ask  

“She’s cute... I guess?” the rest of the guys, grunt in disagreement at Iwa’s lack of drooling over the girl.

“Well I see why you wouldn’t want her Haji-kun,” says Atsumu “you are into the more simple girls bro”

“Simple?” Iwaizumi questions, and the rest of the guys agree

“Yeah simple, you know Y/N... she’s simple” says one of the guys, with the word ‘simple’ rolling off their tounge with a tone of disgust.

“I guess your right guys...” Iwaizumi says “Y/N is pretty basic and simple but-”

You leave the gym before you hear what the rest of them had to say. When you got to your house you bolt straight to the mirror, you look at your outfit and frown. You never thought your style was ‘basic,’ to be fair you wouldn’t describe anybodys style as basic or simple. Of course, you weren’t like those instagram influencers, that wasn’t your thing. But Iwa has known that about you for years... but I guess that’s not what he truly likes.

You go to your closet and take out all the contents, just tossing all your clothes (even some of your favourite items ever) and dashing them in a black trash bag putting them to the side. You were already on a mission to buy a whole new wardrobe, going through all different stores and looking on pinterest for inspo.

You didn’t really talk to Iwa for the rest of the week, since you wanted him to see you in your ‘new form,’ you weren’t being radiosilent but you didn’t initiate any hang outs with him or face time calls (which he did find slightly odd, but didn’t think that much by it.)

Finally, the clothes came and you were kind of shocked at how much you ordered you spent over £200 on clothes from all different places. When you were trying them on, you liked some of them the ones that were kind of similar to your past style but not so ‘simple,’ the others you kind of frowned at since it definitely didn’t feel like ‘you’ at all. ‘This is for Iwa,’ you reminded yourself as your forced a smile on your face analysing yourself in the mirror.

You had everything sorted, your wardrobe was now changed and done the colours and styles you once wore before is now the complete opposite. You invited Iwa over, hesistantly waiting to see how would he react.  

When you hear your door knock, you rush over to open it and model a pose you saw one of those girl do trying to look as natural as possible.

“Hey babe ho-” he says, with his eyes widening seeing your new look “Woah Y/N!”

“Hey Haji..come in!” you exclaim with a beaming smile pulling him inside to the couch. “So, are we going to continue watching the crown, I watched the previous episode and god prince phillip is such a dick.”

You look over your shoulder and see Iwa still standing in your entranceway a bit awkwardly, looking a bit stunned. “Come sit down then, we’ve got an episode to watch.”

“uh oh yeah, sure” he says blinking, following you to the couch.

You got through atleast 4 episodes together, you barely talked as you were really engrossed in the show. Iwa was barely paying attention, he was too busy questioning how you were acting. This definitely wasn’t the girl he knew, even the way you were acting whilst watch the show was odd. The way you’d cutely giggle and ‘sublty’ look over to him whilst laughing at a funny part of the show instead of just doing your usual obnoxious laugh that he loved to hear.

“Oh Y/N, I’m going to go to the bathroom.” he says standing up, you don’t reply you just wave your hand in acknowledgement.

On his way to the bathroom, Iwa nearly trips on a black bag left outside your bedroom door. He opens it, and mildly gasped when he saw all your old stuff jumbled up in there. He picks up the back and goes straight back to the living room and stands in front of you.

“Haji, what are you doing you’re blocking the TV” you complaining trying to see what’s happening behind him.

He drops the black bag infront of you and you internally curse yourself for not moving. You stare at him waiting for him to say something.

“Well whats this then.” he says looking down at you, almost like a disapproving dad.

“Clothes.” you say smartly, knowing what he was asking.

“You know what I meant Y/N, why are all your clothes in a garbage bag.”  

“Because I wanted to put them there,” you wanted to seem as nochalant about it as possible as if putting all your clothes in a garbage bag doesn’t make you feel sad.

“Yeah but why?” he says sitting down next to you.

“Just because I wanted to” you reiterate “what else do you want me to say?”

“Well this isn’t like you, its just a bit random Y/N” he says

“I know this isnt like me you” you spat, standing up “Isn’t this what you wanted anyways.” You head to your bedroom picking up the bag with you, with Iwa hot on your heels.

“What do you mean this is what I wanted?” he says in disbelief “When did I ever say that?”

“It doesn’t matter” you mumble, you start to aggressively take our your old clothes and shove them back into your wardrobe whilst Iwa is just talking. You’re not really listening to him your just putting the clothes back.

“Y/N Stop!” he yells kind of knocking you out of your ‘trance,’ “what is going on with you?” he grabs you hands and pulls them down stopping you from what you were doing and he winced at seeing your tear stricken face.

He gently pulls you into his arms sitting you both on your bed, waiting for you to speak. “I don’t know what you want from me Iwa..” you start your voice slightly breaking “it’s just I did this all for you and you don’t even appreciate it.”

“I don’t know what you mean Y/N?” he says sounding genuinely confused.

“Y/N is simple and basic.” you say repeating words that you heard your boyfriend say about you, you feel him tense as you say it and you slowly get out of his hug.

“Y/N I-”

“That really hurt Hajime, I know now that I'm not your ‘type’ but I-”

“No Y/N, you are my type of course you are!” he says gulping in nervousness “I love you, and your style. I’ve always being enamored by how you dress and present yourself and I don’t know why I even said you’re basic and simple I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Really?” you say sniffling looking down

“Yes really you idiot,” he says lifting your head up “To be fair I don’t care what you wear, since you look great in anthing I just want you to be happy Y/N and especially not dress for anyone including me. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agree slightly nodding your head.

“Good, so can we go and finish the crown and then burn all these clothes?” Iwa jokes as he stands up.

“Burn them!” you exclaim “These cost £200, you muppet.”

“£200! Gosh Y/N, next time you go shopping im definitely coming with you.” he says shaking his head “can’t have you blowing out your bank account for clothes you don’t even like that much.”

You spend the rest of the day finishing of The Crown and you and Iwa eventually both sort out your wardrobe. Your style and aethetic changes a lot more through the times you were together and Iwa was very supportive and helpful of every single change. Especially *insert your favourite dress aesthetic here.*

Matsukawa

You were walking with your friends; Iwa, Tooru, Maki and your boyfriend Matsun. Walking to school as you did every morning, today the topic of conversation was Tooru’s bad taste in women.

“Gosh yesterday was horrible, she didn’t want to talk to me at all,” he complained “all she wanted to do was to come straight to my place, I didn’t even have the chance to tell her my hair routine.”

“That’s why you don’t find dates off of Tinder shittykawa” grunted Iwaizumi

“Well I know that now!” he exclaimed.

“Y/N,” said Makki grasping your attention “Would you ever use Tinder?”

“Well I-”

“Of course she wouldn’t” your boyfriend interrupted wrapping his arm round your shoulder “she’s got me”

“Yeah, but if you two weren’t together, would you use it.”

“Well may-”  

“Y/N definitely wouldn’t” he said interrupting you AGAIN “she’s way to frigid for that shit”

Frigid? You thought to yourself, ouch. Their was a quick awkward silence and all you could hear was Matsukawa laughing with the others laughing after awkwardly in pursuit. After sensing your uncomfortability (is that a word?) Oikawa decides to change the subject to make things less awkward,

“I need a woman who understands me!” he rants “One that can listen to me and appreciate my awesome hair.”

“Goodluck with that Shittykawa.”  

Oikawa rambles on as you walk to school with the other guys chiming in. You on the other hand, were lost in thought. Your sex life wasn’t something you would want to publicly talk about let alone to you and your boyfriends' male friends. Also, with Matsun describing you as ‘frigid’ struck a nerve. You weren’t frigid, well at least to you, you weren’t.  

When you got to school you immediately rushed straight to your lesson claiming that you teacher really needed to talk to you. Which was odd to Matsukawa as you usually all hung around each other until the bell rang, the other boys gave each other knowing looks all assuming the reasons for your odd behaviour.

At lunch time, you stayed in your class instead of going up to the roof where you and your friends usually end up. In the class room you hear one of the girls in your class, Empress having one of her usual gossip conversations with her group of friends.

“Hajime is so hot!” she said, fanning her face being dramatic  

“Of course he is! You should totally go for him.” her friend said and the rest of the friends agreed.

“What do you think Y/N?” she says to you catching your attention “you’re close friends with him right?”

“Yeah, I am” you say a bit sadly “You should definitely go for him, I think you’d be perfect together.”

“Okay! I think I might later” she says smiling. Her and friends leave, but then Empress returns and walks straight to you.

“Are you alright doll?” she asks softly smiling

“I guess so..” you say hesitantly “It’s just something my boyfriend said to me this morning.”

“Matsun?” she asks and you nod in reply “What did he say?”

After you rehash the situation from this morning Empress scowls in annoyance, “Boys can be such pigs sometimes, such a dick thing to say.”

“I know right!” you respond “Even if I was frigid, which im totally not it’s not even a bad thing nor is it something to reveal to people in public in a ‘jokey’ way.”

“Yeah!” she agrees “I think you should go and give him a piece of your mind.”

“I mean...” your voice falters, when it comes to Matsun you’ve never really given him a ‘piece of your mind,’ even when he makes jokes that you’re not so fond of.

“Come on!” she encourages “I’ll come with you and cheer you on.”

“You just want to come to see Iwa Empress” you say pointedly “But fine let’s go.”

You both power walk to the roof where you see the four seijoh boys sitting down and eating. “Oh hi Y/N/-chan and look Iwa its Emp-chan... isn’t that a surprise!” Iwa blushes and the rest of the guys laugh.

You walk straight up to Matsun and stand right infront of him. “Matsukawa I need to talk to you,” you say folding your arms. “Why whats up babe?” he says, still sitting down with a cheeky grin on his face.

“Alone.” you say turning around walking to a secluded spot. Behind you, you hear Matsun get up and the rest of the boys saying “oooh Matsukawa your in trouble” as they laugh.

“What’s wrong with you today Y/N?” he asks slightly accusatorily.  

“I didn’t appreciate the comment you made today on the way to school,” you say with your arms folded.

“Oh that little comment about you being frigid, come on it was just a joke I wasn’t being serious.” he says lightly laughing but he stops once he sees the glare you give him ”you knew it was a joke right?”

“Matsun, some are your jokes just aren’t funny,” you say “especially when they're about me and our sex life in front of our friends too.”

“Y/N I didn’t mea-”

“You just come off as a huge dick sometimes, and I can’t do this anymore if you keep on making these comments anymore I don’t think I can do this.”

“Woah Y/N, are you threatening to break up with me?” he asks “Over a few little comments?”

“These aren’t a few little comments, sometimes what you say is just unnecessary and rude.”

“Okay well...”

“Well...” you repeat staring at him waiting for to apologise or atleast say something, “fuck you Matsukawa.”

You storm away and walk bout to the group saying “Empress lets go.” She jumps of Iwa’s lap and waves by to them following you back down to the school. You walk into the bathroom and just start to cry, “Y/N whats wrong?” Empress says pulling you into a hug  

“H-He doesn’t care,” you cry “He pretty much excused his stupid comments, passing them off as little ‘jokes,’ that didn’t apparently mean anything.”

“Oh dear,” Empress says consoling you “he’s not worth your time right now.”

“B-but but I love him.” you wail fat tears streaming down your face.

“I know sweetheart, I know,” she says letting go of the hug “so what do you wanna do about him?”

“I don’t know,” you say “I don’t want to break up with him or anything, but is there a point in staying if he’s just going to make these comments again.”

“I don’t know Y/N, but whatever you wanna do I’ll support. Wether it’s keying his car or reading shitty fanfiction and crying.” Empress says making you laugh.

The final bell rings and now it's time to go home, of course you don’t walk with the guys so you just enjoy your own company walking home.

“Y/N! Y/N!” you hear from behind you and of course the only person it can be is Matsukawa.

“What do you want?” you mumbled  

“I..I want too” he says heaving out of breath from the running he had to do “I want to apologise. I need do.”

“Okay...” you respond

“Im sorry, Im so so sorry,” he says “those jokes and comments were stupid and I agree I can be a dick sometimes. Well a lot of the time, but I never wanted to be a dick to you.”

“Well you were.”

“I know I was, and I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse what I said and what I have said before I just hope I can make it up to you.”

“Okay then.”

“So are we not broken up?”

“No we’re not broken up, but it’ll take a lot of making up to do for me to fully forgive you.”

“Great! And I'll spend every day to get you to forgive me.”

Which he did, he spent every day showering you with love and affection. He was way better than he was before, you even went on double dates with Oikawa and his flavour of the week and triple dates with Iwa and his girlfriend. Matsukawa, although he still made jokes, he never targeted them and centered them around you in an insulting way.

AN: I didn’t really like the matsukawa one since i couldn’t really write for him properyl sooo sorry bout that one kids.

[watermelonlovershigh]

Day in the Life of a Single Dad with a 2 Yr Old

This was requested by this anon.

AN: let me know if you guys like fluff fics & i'll try to write them as frequent as my smut & sicfics. also couldn't come up with a better title so... yeah the title is a lil iffy.

Things to help you understand this story better:

(Harry is a single parent/Harry is 25/Harry is a healthy eater/Loves his daughter so much)

Harry is peacefully sleeping in his bed alone. Covers to his chin, curled up on his side. That is until his beautiful two year old daughter comes barging in there to wake her daddy up. He shouldn't be asleep she thinks. It's too late. In reality its only 7 am on a Saturday, but to an early riser like her, he should be awake and playing with her. Or making her breakfast.

Her little feet pad over to her daddy's side of the bed. She can barley reach him due to the height of his bed, but manages to stretch her little arms up and taps on Harrys face. "Daddy, wake up." she speaks in her little British accent. Harry slowly opens his eyes and immediately squeezes them shut because of the sunlight coming from the window blinding him. "Daddy!!" his daughter says a little louder.

If his daughter was any older, Harry might tell her to wait a few minutes or go back to bed because it's too early, but he knows she's only 2. So he forces his eyes open again and reaches down to hook his hands in her tiny arm pits to lift her on the bed. "Why are you awake so early babe." he asks in a gravely voice, while placing her on his bare chest.

"I hungry." her tiny voice replies.

"Mhmm what would you like?" Harry mumbles sleepily.

"Sweets." she says innocently.

"I don't think so love. We don't eat sweets for breakfast. It will give you a tummy ache. What about a healthy fruit salad. We have some Watermelon and Strawberries in the fridge." he replies to his daughter who's straddling his chest.

"NO, I WANT SWEETS! I WANT SWEETS!" she yells back with angry tears threatening to escape.

"D/n, we do not yell!" her father speaks firmly. "We can't have sweets but we can have something other than a fruit salad if you want. Lets go down and see what we have." With a tight grip on his upset daughter, Harry gets out of bed and makes his way down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen.

This wasn't something new to him. Ever since his daughter turned 2 in August, she's been acting up a lot more than previously. You could say it was the terrible twos everyone talks about. Harry tries his hardest to teach her the proper ways to behave but it's been proven to be a lot more difficult than anticipated. Especially hard when he's busy all the time and isn't with her 24/7 like stay-at-home mums are or stay-at-home dads were. He's a musician. Not a so called musician that gets excited to book a Friday night at the local pub. No, Harry is a international pop star.

When he ended up getting a one-night stand pregnant, he told them they could do what they wanted as far keeping the baby or not. Harry has always been one to agree that its a women's choice. But his one-night stand wanted to have the baby. Honestly, you'd think Harry would get angry that she decided to keep it, but he wasn't. Maybe it wasn't the ideal situation to have a baby from a one-night stand that he had on tour, but he being the loving Harry everyone seems to know and love, of course tried to look at it as a positive thing. But when his daughter was born, his one-night stand got her minute of fame by saying she had Harry Styles baby and left. Abandoned her own blood. Harry had to get full custody of his daughter and ever since then she's been living with her daddy.

It was really hard the first few months of her life. A baby needs their mothers comfort and warmth and she had none of that. She never got the opportunity to breast feed or feel the love of her mother, and Harry feels sick just thinking about it. So Harry put his career on hold for a few months to take care of his daughter and show her that someone cares for her. He never wanted her to feel unloved. It was his biggest fear. That's why every day since the day she was born, he tells her how much he loves her. Shows her how much he loves her.

He did all her nightly feedings with warmed up formula in bottles. He changed her diapers at all hours of the day. He gave her baths every day to make sure she smelled nice and clean. And when she turned 1 years old and was getting more active, he took her to the studio with him and let her play her toys.

Just because Harry is a single parent doesn't mean he doesn't have help or support. He has a lot of help when it comes to taking care of his daughter. His sister Gemma babysits all the time for him when he's got something very important to do at the studio where he'd prefer if his daughter wasn't there. Harry's mum watches his daughter frequently when he has a interview he needs to attend. Even some of Harry's friends watch or take care of her when needed. Especially some of his ex bandmates that have kids of their own now. Harry's daughter has playdates with Bear, Liam's son about once a month. They're about the same age and their dads are friends so it works out great. His daughter has even played with Freddie, Louis's son. Not as much because Freddie lives in America but when he comes to England to spend time with his father they hang out. Freddie and Harry's daughter are quite similar. They were both created due to a one-night stand. The only difference is Freddie's mum wanted him. Didn't abandon him. So he has a relationship with both parents. Needless to say, besides all the things a mother can give to their child, his daughter has a good life. People love her, and once again that's all Harry could ask for. People and himself to love his daughter.

After fighting with his daughter about what to eat for breakfast, she finally settles for some Strawberry pancakes as long as they have chocolate syrup on top. Harry gives in and allows a little chocolate for her to have with breakfast. She sits in her high chair munching on the pancakes while Harry cleans the mess from cooking. Like washing the pan and wiping the stove off. When he's finished cleaning, he notices his daughter has stopped eating and is just making a mess with her food at this point.

Walking up to her high chair, Harry bends down and lifts her sticky body up and says, "Alright, time to give you a bath little one."

"No bath daddy! Me no want a bath!" she yells and attempts to kick her fathers legs but Harry grabs ahold of them in his big hand and stops her movements which makes her small body more angry. She screams very loud in his ear and pounds her baby fist in his shoulders, expressing her anger. Harry really wants to get upset. But what he's read in parenting books is that if you ignore their behavior and act like you don't see their tantrums, it will make it better and they'll give up on trying so hard to show their anger.  Because most toddlers have tantrums to try and get attention from their parent(s). By ignoring it, you're not feeding into it.

"I'm sorry but you have chocolate all over you love. Need to get you clean because I need to take you to the studio for a few hours with me today. How does that sound?" trying to make bath time and going to the studio sound fun.

After fighting with Darcy to get in the bath, Harry finally got her in the tub. He struggled to wash her curly hair due to the fact she wouldn't sit still, even after he gave her a rubber ducky to play with. Once he's washed her hair and chocolate covered body, Harry picks her up and wraps her in a big fluffy towel, then takes her to her room to get changed. He manages to get a pull up on her, (still trying to potty train), and puts a lovely red track suit on her with some Gucci shoes. Then he carries her in front of the bathroom mirror to brush her hair.

"Be good for daddy and let me brush your hair." Harry tells his daughter in a gentle manner.

As soon as he passes the brush in her hair, his daughter screams, "Owww, it hurts daddy!"

10 minutes later, Harry has brushed her locks and put her hair into some cute pigtails. With his 2 year old crying in the process. He's pretty good at doing hair because he used to have longer hair himself. Then he picks her up off the counter and places her on the ground, walking her to his bedroom.

"Can you lay in my bed while I get ready? I'll put on your favorite show." he questions calmly.

"Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig!" is daughter chants.

"Alright, alright." He picks up his baby girl and sets her in the middle of his bed. Then he grabs the remote to turn his wall mounted tv on. He scrolls on Netflix and finds Peppa Pig to keep her occupied. Then goes to his bathroom to get dressed and ready to head to the studio.

When he exits his bathroom fully dressed and ready to leave, he finds a sleeping toddler on his bed, snuggled into his pillow. Her perfectly outlined lips slightly parted. Harry can't help but smile. He loves his baby girl with his entirety and seeing her peaceful like this makes him so happy. He turns the tv off and carefully picks her up into his arms and heads down the stairs to his car in the garage. But not before stopping by her room to pick up her mini backpack that holds extra pullups and a sippy cup full of juice, with some of her toys as well. Her tiny face is stuffed into her daddy's neck and Harry can feel light puffs of air hitting his skin. He puts his daughter in her car seat and buckles her up properly. Then gets in himself to drive to the studio.

About 5 minutes away from the studio, Darcy wakes up from her late morning nap and whines out, "Me wanna go home and play with you!"

"I'm sorry but I have to work for a little bit. I'll play with you when we get home later. How does that sound Hmm?" She was not satisfied with her fathers answer and starts wailing. Hot salty tears run down her little cheeks and she makes exaggerated sounds to emphasize her crying. She kicks at the seat in front of her and balls her fist up as if she's going to hit something but unfortunately to her, she can't reach a single thing due to her seat belt. Once again, Harry just ignores her cries of anger and turns the radio on loud to block it out.

By the time they arrive at the studio, Harry's daughter has calmed down. She's still upset but at least she isn't crying and that's progress in Harry's eyes. He parks his car in a secluded area to hide from potential paparazzi and unbuckles her. Then shields her face form potential cameras and make their way into the music studio. Harry has to record some audio for his newest album so that's why he needed to come in today. They enter the studio where the rest of his solo band is. He prefers to record the instruments live instead of manufactured drums and guitars.

At some point when he was getting ready in his home bathroom, Harry had called his assistant and told her he needed to bring his daughter in to the studio with him so she could watch her while he's busy. She agreed but being Harry Styles assistant, it wasn't really an option. Not that Harry would force her but she's an assistant for a reason. To do jobs Harry assigns her. In this case babysit his toddler while he records a song. He doesn't have anyone else today and unfortunately can't leave her at home with a mummy like many other fathers can. He's just happy his job allows his daughter to be somewhat a part of it. Not in the spotlight because he keeps his daughters identity a secret from the public for her protection, but as far as her going to the studio with him or when she gets older, she can come on tour with him.

Harry's assistant takes his toddler and her mini backpack full of her essentials. They hang out in the open area, out of the way from his band and he himself so he can get what he needs to get done so they can wrap everything up for the album. Harry's daughter actually loves his assistant. They have grown quite close over the 2 years of her life. But because she's going through her terrible twos, the toddler didn't want to behave for anyone today.

About an hour into Harry's work, he's interrupted with a frantic assistant that has a screaming toddler in her arms. "I'm sorry Harry but she's been crying for about 30 minutes and I've done everything I know to do to get her to calm down." Harry isn't upset his assistant came to him for help with his baby. That's not the type of guy he is.

Harry takes off his headphones and walks over to them. He picks his little girl up into his tattooed arms and questions, "Love, why are you upset for? If you keep crying, you'll end up with a tummy ache."

She just hugs around her fathers neck with her little arms and says, "Want you daddy." Those words almost breaks his heart. Harry doesn't know where this sudden want for him has came from.

"You can have me all you want when I'm finished working, alright. I'll be done shortly." He struggles to pass her back over to his assistant, but finally manages. "Maybe she's hungry. I'll give you a few pounds to take her through drive thru at McDonalds. Would you like McDonalds d/n?" She just nods her pigtailed head. He would suggest for them to go inside, but the public knows what his assistant looks like so they'd know that was his daughter. The daughter that has her identity secret for now. His assistant takes the toddler to the McDonalds drive thru and orders her some chicken nuggets. Even through Harrys pescatarian, he still allows his daughter to eat meats. Then Harry goes back to work in the studio.

Around 2 in the afternoon, Harry and the two year old make it back home. The rest of the evening was a little hectic with a few tantrums here and there. Harry cooked them a nice meal for dinner at about 6 and played dolls with her in the short period of time she wasn't upset. Then comes the dreaded bedtime.

Harry changes her into some pjs and helps her brush her teeth. Then when he went to put her in bed, she started crying for the 100th time today. "Me sleep with you daddy." she cries out. There's a part of him that wants to say yes and cave in, but the parent part of him is saying no. She needs to learn to be a big girl. Harry really doesn't understand why she wants to sleep with him all the sudden. She normally has no problem sleeping by herself.

"No baby. You need to be a big girl and sleep in your bed sweetheart. I'm right next door if you need me though okay." His daughter clings to his body and cries fat tears. Harry decides to stay in her room until she falls asleep. So that's what he does. When she subsumes to sleep, he lays her down in her bed and pulls the covers up over her frail body. Then exits her room quietly.

Harry changes into some comfier clothes himself and goes down stairs to get himself a glass of wine. Then he sits on the sofa and turns a series on to watch before bed. Times like now is when  he wishes he had a wife. He'd even take a girlfriend. Just someone to hold him late at night and cuddle with him. Even have some type of intimacy. Ever since he found out about his daughter, Harrys game of sleeping around stopped. He didn't want to keep sleeping with random girls when he was becoming a dad. He was raised better than that. So needless to say he was lonely. In every way possible. Mentally, and physically.

Whilst in the middle of the show he's watching, Harry is brought back to reality when he hears a blood-curdling scream from up the stairs. He rushes to set his wine down on the coffee table and runs to his daughters room. When he walks in there, his heart sinks. The toddler is crying so hard she's gasping for air. It's a different cry that he's seen through-out the day. Unlike her terrible twos tantrums, this cry sounds like she's scared. Harry runs to her and picks her up. "Hey what's wrong my love? Tell daddy what's wrong." he asks of his child, soothing her to his chest.

As her tears slow down in the comfort of her daddy's arms, she mumbles, "You left me." Once again Harrys confused because she never acts like this.

Harry walks out her bedroom and goes to sit with her on the sofa downstairs. Then he turns her around on his lap to look at her face more clearly. "Baby, you need to tell daddy why you got scared or why you want me all the sudden."

The little 2 year old takes a deep breath and speaks in her little accent, "On Peppa Pig, they...they said kids like me are supposed to have a mummy AND a daddy. They said daddies can't love their babies like mummy's can. Me was scared you don't love me anymore." Her voice cracked saying the last bit with fresh tears running down her face and Harry has glossy eyes looking down at his distressed but beautiful mini twin. That's right. They look almost exactly alike. He thanks God every day for that because he doesn't want to look at his daughter and be reminded of a one-night stand that's a piece of shit of a mother.

"Look at me d/n. I love you so so so much. I will NEVER stop loving you." at this point he has to take a deep breath so compose his emotions, "And not all kids have mummies. There are a lot of kids who just have a daddy or some just have a mummy. But it doesn't mean I love you any less. Okay?! Don't listen to what they said in Peppa Pig. They were wrong." Finishing his speech, Harry pulls her tiny body forward and hugs her to his warm chest. He has silent tears running down his face. Both hands spread over her boney back. He thinks tonight is appropriate enough to allow her to sleep with him. She needs comfort. "Would you still like to sleep with me?" he asks in a whisper.

"Pleaseee." she responds while crying. Harry stands form the couch, turning the television off and abandoning his barley touched wine glass, and goes to his bedroom. The turns the overhead light off and walks over to the bed. Peeling the covers back, Harry and his daughter, whose on his chest, slide under the warm blankets together. Now she has just about stopped crying. Just little whimpers leaving her body, along with a few hiccups. Harry reaches over to turn the lamp off, leaving the room completely dark. He shushes his baby until her eyes slowly close and she falls asleep with her face burred in his neck and arms around his neck. Her short legs lay limp over his stomach.

Harry has a difficult time falling asleep that night. He feels sorry for his baby girl because he worries that movies and shows with two parents will make her sad and left out because she doesn't have a mummy. He just prays she will see all she'll ever need is her daddy to protect her and love her for the rest of eternity.

MASTERLIST & My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

[spacexcowgirl]

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - F.W.

Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: Y/N enters a fwb relationship with Fred, only to realize she’s going to have a lot more trouble keeping things platonic than she thought.

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: 18+ NSFW. MINORS DNI. Smut, Oral (male receiving), masturbation, light hair pulling, exhibitionism (sort of? I mean they do it in a public bathroom so yeah), unprotected sex, possessive talk, swearing, brief alcohol mention. pretty angsty throughout but it ends fluffy so.

A/N: I’m obsessed with the fwb trope and wanted to see if I could write a smut, so here we are. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, and let me know if I missed any warnings! Pictures are from Pinterest. (Also, I know this is a repost. Let’s see if the tags actually wanna work this time :) )

You watched as Fred’s grip on his glass tightened, his jaw clenching ever so slightly as his eyes remained trained on the dance floor. You couldn’t allow yourself to follow his gaze, because you knew what you would see, and you knew it would break your heart. Angelina was there, and she was dancing closely to some guy that wasn’t Fred. Judging by his change in demeanor, he wasn’t as over their breakup as he had claimed.

You hated seeing him like this, for reasons beyond the fact that you were his best friend. It was selfish, sure, but part of the reason why you were so bothered was because you knew he would never be so jealous over you. And that stung.

It had been three months since him and Angelina had split. In those three months, Fred had vehemently claimed that he was fine, that their breakup was mutual, and that he hardly even thought about her anymore. Now, judging by the way he hadn’t uttered more than two words since she waltzed in, you and George could confirm what you already knew; he was lying. When it came to their emotions, its what the Weasley boys did best. Conceal as long as possible, before ultimately blowing up. Evidently, that blow up was about to come tonight.

“Maybe we should just go?” You placed a delicate hand on Fred’s shoulder. The action tore his gaze from Angelina for just a moment, then his eyes were back on her.

“No, no. I’m fine.” He lied through gritted teeth. “We came out tonight to have fun, so, let’s have fun.”

With that, he downed the rest of the drink in his glass and took your hand, guiding you out on the dance floor. You glanced back, just momentarily, and caught George’s worried gaze. Fred most certainly was not fine, but you could also tell that George’s worry extended to you. He knew you were one longing glance away from falling point-of-no-return in love with his brother, and that scared him. Almost as much as it scared you.

Once you and Fred had infiltrated the crowd of people, his hands were on your hips, but he couldn’t meet your eyes. So, to save yourself just a little bit of heartache, you turned in his grasp so your bum was pressed to his front. In this position, you didn’t have to face him blatantly staring at another girl. You closed your eyes and moved your hips to the music, letting yourself just for a moment get lost in the feeling of his big hands guiding your hips. For a little while, you could shut out reality and simply pretend it was just the two of you, and that he wasn’t desperately wishing you were someone else.

The feeling of his warm breath against your neck shook you back to the present, causing you to instinctively crane your neck to give him further access. His lips ghosted a line there, sending goosebumps alive in their path. They traced their way up to your ear, giving a gentle nip to your lobe before he spoke.

“It’s working, she keeps looking over here.” He whispered in a low voice. 

You simply hummed in response, continuing the grinding of your bum against his hips. Truthfully, you didn’t care whether she was looking or not, but of course you couldn’t say that. So, silence sufficed.

This is what your relationship had morphed into in the months since his breakup. What had started as a completely innocent, and drunken, conversation between friends about how it should be criminal how long you had gone without getting laid, had somehow turned into this murky friends with benefits relationship you were now in. Neither of you tried to hide the fact that you would occasionally sleep together from George or other peers, which was why your current grinding appeared normal to him, but you both always made it clear you were still just friends.

So, when Fred had a long day at work, there you were, your mouth showing him in more ways than one how to relax. When George and him got into a fight, although it was rare, you were there as a thing for him to ruin, to take all of his frustrations out on. Basically just about any mood he could possibly be in, you were there to make it even better.

That’s not to say you got nothing out of the arrangement, though. Fred was there for you, too. After those awful long days that seemed never ending, when you were too in your head over an upcoming work project, when you just needed to relax a little. Fred Weasley could make you cum so hard you’d forget anything wrong in your life, including the extremely unfortunate feelings you harbored for him. Even if it was just momentarily.

Not to mention, if having Fred in your bed was the closest you’d get to truly being with him, then you’d take it. Because as you lay pinned beneath him, your name leaving his lips like a prayer, you could feel like the only girl in his world. And that feeling breathed life into you like nothing else could.

So, now, here you were, pressed up against the man who held the power to break your heart if he so chose, but who also had no idea. It seemed Fred truly thought what you had was just fun between friends. Another reason you couldn’t fault him.

“Oh, fuck.” Fred groaned worriedly into your neck before straightening up. His words and the sudden space he had now put between the two of you caused you to furrow your brows, until he spoke again. “She’s coming over.”

Fred and you had already been somewhat on the outskirts of the dance floor, which meant Angelina and the man she had entered with had to pass you to get to the bar. Of course, they wouldn’t just walk by without saying anything. Angelina had always been a sweetheart, and Fred and her had ended somewhat amicably, so it was no wonder she was now approaching with a bright smile on her face.

“Freddie! Y/N/N!” She quickly enveloped you in a hug, causing her familiar floral perfume to fill your nose. Godric, could she get any more perfect?

“I feel like it’s been ages.” Next she was hugging Fred, and although he was stiff, Angelina was nothing but friendly and carried on as if she didn’t even notice. When she pulled back, she gestured to the man who she had approached with. “This is Stephen. He’s my uh…” She seemed to falter for a moment, her eyes flicking guiltily to Fred before she continued. “My boyfriend.”

You didn’t have to look up at Fred to know his jaw was clenched, now for more reasons than one. Thinking back to when Fred and her were still together, you had heard him complain on more than one occasion about a ‘Stephen’ that she worked with. Even though she had told him that he was no one to worry about, perhaps Fred had a right to be so jealous.

There was a tense moment of silence, all four of you internally gauging the situation and where to take things from there. Angelina was the first to clear her throat and gesture between both you and Fred.

“So, uh, I hadn’t heard that you two were together.” Her eyes fell to yours, a genuine smile gracing her lips. “You know, I always thought you guys would make a cute couple. I mean, even before…” Her words trailed off, careful not to breach the subject of her failed relationship with Fred. 

To save her from an awkward ramble, you decided to speak up. A sheepish look crossed your features as you prepared yourself for the ever-uncomfortable ‘actually, we’re not together, we’re just screwing’ talk.

“Well, we’re not really—”

“Not really sure why we hadn’t gotten together sooner.” Fred cut you off, his arm snaking around your waist although his eyes never left Angelina’s.

Your eyes grew wide at his words, your heart speeding up. Of course, you knew what he was doing. He was Fred Weasley for Godric’s sake, and he’d rather be dead than admit to his happily-moved on ex-girlfriend that he was still alone. Still, the thought of truly being with him crossed your mind, like it did more often than you’d like to admit, and you couldn’t help but feel butterflies.

“Well, I’m glad you’re happy.” You could tell she meant it. With that, she let her hand drop and intertwine with Stephen’s before shooting the two of you one last smile and hauling him towards the bar.

Fred’s grip on your waist had grown even tighter and you found yourself wondering if he even realized it. His breath was ragged and shallow, and when you looked up at his face you found that his eyes were squeezed shut. You bit down on your bottom lip, trying to discern if Fred needed his best friend or his fuck buddy right now. Ultimately, you decided he probably needed a little bit of both.

“Why don’t you stop torturing yourself and we finally get out of here?” You pleaded.

“I’ve got a better idea.”

And before you could ask what, exactly, that meant, he was firmly grasping your wrist and hauling you to the women’s bathroom. It wasn’t a very big room, and half of you wondered if the lock on the door even properly worked, based solely on how old it looked. You didn’t have a lot of time to worry, though, before Fred’s lips were pressed against yours and he was pushing you against the porcelain sink.

You moaned into his mouth at the desperation in his actions, your hands quickly finding the base of his neck and tangling in the hairs there. In an instant, he had you hoisted onto the cool white fixture and was stood between your legs, peppering wet, open mouthed kisses down your jaw. You threw your head back, arching your chest towards him, and let out a moan as he began to suck at the soft skin below your ear.

He had quickly taken things into his own hands, as he often did, but you knew that wasn’t exactly what he needed right now. You pulled your head away, halting the kisses he had been planting to your neck, and placed your hands on his shoulders. His brows were furrowed as he looked at you, but as you gently pushed him back and hopped down from the sink, only to sink to your knees, he couldn’t help but grin in anticipation.

You fiddled with his belt buckle, undoing it as quickly as you could before unbuttoning his pants and pulling down his zipper. You wasted no time teasing him, but rather pulled down his trousers and boxers in one go, suddenly eye level with his hard cock.

Your hand wrapped around his length, beginning to stroke him in the way that had grown so familiar to you. He tilted his head back and let out a groan at your slow pace, which only encouraged you further. The second that his eyes were back on you, you leaned in slightly and kitten licked the tip, maintaining the most innocent look you possibly could. Then, you opened your mouth and swallowed him down, keeping your hand on his base to work on the extra length you can’t fit. You felt Fred gather your hair into a ponytail, gently guiding your motions against him. He hardly had to do any work, you already knew how to please him so well.

“Fuck, yes,” Fred sighed, his eyes glued to the image of his cock disappearing between your lips. Knowing that he’s watching you, you gazed up at him through your lashes and hollowed out your cheeks, your hand twisting up and down as you sucked on his sensitive tip. “Play with yourself, princess. Get yourself ready for me.”

While in any other situation you may have shot a quip at him about being a lazy git, right now you knew that realistically you two simply didn’t have very much time. What you were doing was risky, and it was Fred who needed to relieve some tension, so you’d have to be resigned to doing all of the work. Besides, sucking Fred off while he looked at you like that and moaned so beautifully turned you on to no end, so you supposed you really shouldn’t be complaining.

Your free hand snaked down and dipped beneath the waist band of your leggings, quickly pushing aside your panties and beginning to dip into your wet folds. You let out a moan against Fred’s cock, the vibration causing him to groan lowly.

This only lasted about a minute, before the reality set in that you just were not a very good multitasker. It was nearly impossible for you to keep up with sucking and wanking him off while simultaneously focusing on your own pleasure. So you resigned to pulling your lips off completely and catching your breath, allowing one hand to continue working on your own pleasure while the other twisted up and down his cock, pausing every few moments to swipe your thumb over the sensitive head.

Fred’s hips bucked involuntarily in your grip from the contact. Then he was grasping your wrist and halting your actions, hoisting you up to a standing position by your elbow. He pulled you into one final, passionate kiss, before he was spinning you around and bending you over the sink. He folded himself over your body, intent on whispering into your ear.

“I want you loud,” He grumbled against your neck, placing a rough kiss there. One of his hands was now wrapped around you and kneading at your breast through your top, while the other had rested on your hip. “I want everyone in this whole bloody pub to hear you screaming my name.”

You knew what he really meant was he wanted Angelina to hear you screaming his name, but his hands were now yanking your leggings and panties down to your ankles, so your brain could hardly focus on anything else. You let out a breathy, quiet, moan as you felt him rub the head of his cock against your wet folds. His response was instantaneous as he pulled away from you completely, eyes narrowed.

“What did I say, princess?” His stroked himself lazily, pointedly busying himself with everything but touching you. 

“Please, Fred.” You simply whined. You always were slightly embarrassed by how desperate you were for him.

“I said,” He ignored your pleas, taking a step closer to you once again. “I want you loud. Honestly, if you can’t listen, you can just go back to having that pretty mouth of yours suck my cock, and you can worry about getting yourself off later.”

You let out a whimper at that, eyes meeting his in the mirror. You wouldn’t put it past him to tease you like that, so you knew you had to play your cards right to avoid it. 

“Think you can listen? Think you can be good?”

“Yes,” You breathed out, your hands gripping the side of the sink tightly. “I’ll be good.” 

That was all the confirmation he needed before pushing into you. A strangled moan tore itself from your lips, and you couldn’t help but shiver from the look Fred was giving you in the mirror. Once his hips were flush against your bum, he threw his head back and groaned.

“So fucking tight.” Fred gritted. “Always so tight… For me… All for me, yeah?”

“Yes, Freddie.” You moaned out, your eyes flying shut as he began to set a steady pace. Seeing your eyes close caused him to tangled one of his hands in your hair and give it a gentle tug, pulling your head up and arching your back further. The new angle allowed for him to hit at a deeper spot inside of you, causing you both to moan out.

“Who does this pussy belong to?” He urged, the sound of his ragged pants mixing with the sound of his hips snapping against your bum. “Say my name, princess.”

The question caught you entirely off guard. Obviously, Fred and you always talked to each other quite differently during sex than during your everyday friendship. Still, this was uncharted territory. Because no part of you did belong to him, no matter how much you longed for it to be so. You couldn’t think on the meaning behind it for too long, though, because as he landed another harsh thrust into you, your mind was cleared of everything but your own pleasure.

“You, Freddie.” You moaned loudly. “All yours.”

“That’s right.” Fred slid the hand that had been resting on your hip around to find your clit, rubbing small circles against it in time with his thrusts. The hand that had been tangled in your hair grabbed your arm and pressed your palm flat against the mirror. He slotted his fingers against your, folding himself further over you as his thrusts began to grow sloppy. “Come on, I need you to cum for me, princess. Need you to say my name.” 

His words sent you over the edge, his name leaving your mouth in nearly incoherent babbles. He continued to lightly rub your clit, rocking you through your orgasm with a few light kisses to your neck, before he snapped his hips into yours one last time, burying himself fully before halting. He had finished inside you, leaving you now both panting as you came down from your highs.

Fred placed a soft kiss to your shoulder before dropping the hand he had pinning you to the mirror and slowly pulled himself out. You whined at the empty feeling, causing him to lowly chuckle from behind you.

Now that your brain was slowly beginning to function properly again, you could think of nothing but the way he had so brazenly claimed you as his. Since when had that become a thing? Your heart was fluttering in your chest at the idea of being his, truly, and before you could talk yourself out of it, you decided to speak up.

“Freddie?” 

He looked up at you in the mirror, having just grabbed his wand and begun to perform a cleaning spell on you. His eyes were soft and kind, a stark contrast to the angry, jealous man you had seen earlier in the night, and it only endeared you further.

“Hm?”

“What you said…” You trailed off, suddenly feeling very stupid. But, you had come too far, and it felt too late to back now. “About, um, belonging, to you… uh…”

“Got a little carried away there, didn’t I?” He chuckled sheepishly, ducking his head down as he finished cleaning you up. You bent down slightly and tugged up your panties and leggings before turning to face him, finding him doing up his zipper. “Guess seeing Angie here with that prat made me feel a little possessive. Did it make you uncomfortable?” The genuine concern lacing his voice nearly made you weak.

“No.” You shook your head, a small smile on your face. The kind of smile you give someone when you’re at the very seams of falling apart, but you’re doing everything in your power to keep it together. Of course, as he had been so vocally claiming you, his motive had been her. You could feel the beginning of tears welling up in your eyes, but you knew you couldn’t let them fall in front of Fred, so you quickly turned back around and gripped the sides of the sink.

“Then what’s wrong?” Fred’s hand was now on your shoulder, urging you to turn towards him. But you knew, one look at him and you’d be done for.

Your mind was racing as you tried to think of your best way out of this situation, the way to walk away without pouring your heart out and ruining this friendship. But, then, you kept hearing him tell Angelina that you were a couple, or the way he claimed you moments before, play over and over again in your head. It was the soundtrack to your heartbreak, and you had no way to turn down the volume.

“I really just want to be alone, Fred.” Was all you could muster, your voice shaking and making you cringe.

“Obviously I did something wrong.” Fred drew his hand back, but he made no motion to leave. “So just tell me what I did and we can fix it sooner rather than later.”

“There’s nothing to fix.” You spun back around, so vehemently ready to deny anything being wrong and send him away. But then you were looking into those soft brown eyes and your heart was breaking just a little bit more and you couldn’t help but let the tears fall. “Oh, for fucks sake.” You scolded yourself lightly, beginning to wipe the tears that had fallen.

“Hey, hey,” Fred cooed with open arms, ready to pull you into a hug and help in any way he could. Even if he didn’t completely understand what was going on, he hated to see you hurting.

You held out a stiff arm to keep him away, your other hand still uselessly trying to stop your tears.

A banging at the door and a muffled voice shouting ‘Hurry up in there!’ was the first thing to pull Fred’s attention from you. He had shouted back a quick ‘just a second!’ which you had barely even registered before you were apparating away from the confined space and back to the peaceful emptiness of your flat. There, you could collapse on the floor and cry about just how foolish you’d been to think this was ever a good idea in the first place.

-

Fred had been shocked and mildly upset when he turned around and you were nowhere to be found, but then wrote it off as your way of escaping the bathroom without people having to know what you had been doing in there. When he exited the bathroom and found George, alone, a few minutes later, he was remarkably more confused. Had you really left the pub as a whole? Without saying so much as a goodbye?

Still, Fred resigned to give you your space. He had seen how upset you were, and how reluctant you’d been to wrap up in his arms—which was typically your favorite place to be when you were upset—and decided maybe you really just did need to be alone. If you wanted space, space is what Fred would give you. In reason, of course.

So, when a week had passed with no word from you, Fred was growing remarkably more distraught. The two of you had never willingly gone this long without speaking, and no matter how much Fred tried to reach out, he never got anything in return but silence. Your absence was weighing on him, and he couldn’t help but rack his brain helplessly trying to decipher what exactly he had done wrong.

“Still no reply,” Fred sighed as he thumbed through the last of the mail he and George had been delivered that morning.

“Hm? Oh, Y/N, right.” George had glanced up from his stack of paperwork briefly, before returning his focus on his work. Fred narrowed his eyes at his brother, suddenly very aware of his uninterested response. Fred was a nervous wreck worrying about your disappearances, yet George sat uncharacteristically calm and unbothered.

“You’ve heard from her, haven’t you?” The realization hit Fred all at once, suddenly making him feel sick.

“Well, I mean, yeah.” George set down his quill, finally giving his brother his full attention.

“And you didn’t think to say anything?” Fred nearly screamed, his hands balling into fists at his sides.

“You didn’t ask.” George rolled his eyes. “She’s fine, by the way. Just doesn’t…”

“Just doesn’t want to talk to me, right?” Fred scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “For Merlin’s sake, I don’t even know what I did!”

“Isn’t my place to say.” George shrugged. “Although, what I can say, and what may or may not have any relation to Y/N, is you are the blindest, daftest, git I’ve ever met.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m really going to have to spell it out, aren’t I?” George sighed, beginning to rub his face with his hands. “Alright, if I must. Let’s play a little game, shall we? I ask a question, you give a simple yes or no answer. Nothing else. Got it?”

“Yes, but—”

“Ah, ah, ah,” George wiggled his finger, effectively cutting his brother off. “Alright, now, first question. Have you slept with anyone besides Y/N since you broke up with Angelina?”

“No.” Fred furrowed his brows. “But I don’t get—” This time, he abruptly cut himself off when George shot him a stern look.

“Next question. If you had to guess, has Y/N slept with anyone else since you two started your little… Arrangement?”

“No.”

“Okay, now. Think back to last week, were you actually jealous because Angelina was there with some guy, or was it because she was there specifically with the guy you had been insecure about, and it brought up all those old feelings?”

“I— That’s not a yes or no question!”

“Right, sorry.” George chuckled. “I’ll rephrase; Were you actually just upset and insecure about the specific guy Angelina was with?”

“Yes.” Fred’s voice was softer now.

“Final ones, really hoping this ties it all together for you.” George leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk as he gazed at his brother. “Little jump back to question two; If Y/N did sleep with someone else since you started would that make you jealous?”

The room was quiet as Fred clenched his jaw. He hated that George knew him and his emotions so well, because it was impossible to hide from them when he was around. After a moment, he stared down at his shoes and simply nodded.

“And, would you say, it would make you more jealous than when you thought you were jealous about Angie?”

Comparing the two jealousies felt pointless to Fred, what he felt last week at the pub wouldn’t even be in the same ballpark as what he would feel if he found out you had slept with someone else. You had always been his person, someone who had been there for him even when he was a stupid teenage boy. You were the only one he’d ever venture to say knew him almost as well as George. He had always written off the tinges of jealousy he felt when other guys flirted with you as the general protectiveness of a best friend, but was what George was insinuating the real explanation? Did he actually just have feelings for you?

“Yeah, it would make me more jealous.” Fred sighed frustratedly. “So what, okay? So maybe I’ve started to have feelings for her. You helping me realize that doesn’t exactly help with the fact that she won’t talk to me.”

“Why don’t you stop by her flat and tell her exactly what you just realized, and tell me if it doesn’t help?” With that, George gathered the last of his paperwork and headed up the stairs to their flat without another word.

-

After a week of working every morning and crashing on your couch every night, watching every sad movie you could find, it was safe to say you were out of tears. Truthfully, now you were just exhausted. It still hurt, but you didn’t have the energy to think about it constantly anymore. For that, you were surprisingly thankful.

So when you heard a knock on your door that Saturday night, you weren’t sure what you had been expecting. You vaguely knew in the back of your mind that it could be Hermione checking in and dropping off food, as she had a few times throughout the week, or maybe George coming in hopes of cheering you up. What you hadn’t expected, though, was the frantic face of Fred, yet that’s exactly what you found.

“I’m sorry to just show up like this, I know it’s kind of late, but you left me no choice.” He pleaded softly. The worried look on his face and the bags under his eyes caused a pool of guilt to form in your stomach, so before you could really think about it, you opened the door further and gestured for him to come in.

You both made your way into your living room, each finding a place on opposite ends of your couch. For a few moments, neither of you spoke. Fred nervously ran his hands up and down his thighs, while you wrung your hands repeatedly. Neither of you could seem to look at each other.

“Look I’m—”

“George said—”

Both of you had gone to speak at the same time, causing you to both cut off abruptly. Your eyes found each other for the first time and within seconds a smile was lighting up each of your faces, light laughter bursting from your lips.

“You go ahead.” You offered, the small smile still on your lips despite the pain in your heart. Fred seemed to draw in a deep breath, seeming uncharacteristically nervous. Your stomach flipped at the potential list of things that could come out of his mouth.

“I think I’m starting to fall for you.”

Well, that certainly hadn’t been on your list.

“You… You what?” You questioned, desperate for clarification. Desperate to have him repeat it.

“I said, I think I’m starting to fall for you.” He repeated, the look in his eyes so genuine you nearly trembled. “And I know you don’t want to talk to me right now, and I still don’t know why, but this is my way of saying I can’t lose you. Even if you don’t feel the same way—”

“What about Angelina?” Your voice was soft, unbelieving that this could ever be your reality.

“What about her?” Fred cocked his head to the side. Suddenly, how upset you got the week before all made sense to him, and he realized George was right. He was a daft git. “Y/N…” He trailed off, his heart suddenly hurting from the pain he’d caused you. “I’ve been such an arse, haven’t I? I used you to make her jealous, and what I said… Oh, fuck.”

You stared down at your hands in your lap. You hated reliving that night again, but some part of you was happy that at least now he had caught on.

“Sweetheart, look at me.” He leaned forward and gently rested his hand on your cheek, coaxing you to look at him. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t care about her like that anymore, I mean it, okay? It just sucked seeing her there with the one guy I had always worried about.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He nodded. “Godric, I’ve probably been falling for you my whole life and just been too blind to see it.” His thumb lightly traced your cheekbone, causing your eyes to flutter close. “And even if you don’t feel the same way, that’s okay. Because I’m still sorry, and I’ll still do any—”

His words were cut off by you nearly throwing yourself towards him, your lips hurriedly find his. Although he seemed shocked at first, he quickly melted into the familiar feeling of your lips on his, and his hand moved down to cup your jaw. Butterflies were fully alive in your stomach, and for the first time you didn’t have the urge to squash them. This felt like a dream you never wanted to wake up from. After a moment, he pulled back and searched your eyes.

“Was that your way of telling me you feel the same way?” He grinned. “Because, for us, kissing your friend is normal. So I don’t know what that means—”

“Yes, you big idiot.” You teased, although you held nothing but love in your eyes. “I feel the same way.”

Now, he really was unsure why you hadn’t gotten together sooner.

[taeescript]

I Promise (I)

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 >> Some people have the gifted ability of music; others of mathematics; some perhaps as persuasive argumentators. You have a “gift”, if one would like to call it that. It is the ability to know when somebody is telling a lie. 

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> hoseok x reader; ?? x reader (the whole gang joins at some point) 

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 >> mafia!au 

𝔴/𝔠 >> 3.1k 

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> mentions of drug use. nothing else much really it’s actually pretty tame right now 

𝔞/𝔫: would you believe be if i said this whole thing was inspired by this singular gif? I lost my old account (rip old fics) but here I am starting new and writing again. Nervous, but please show some love 

next part

The music is blasting in your room, and the bass rumbles causing your heart to beat to the rhythm of the song. However, your fingers are tapping to their own creation of a tempo while your other hand scribbles a note down on a piece of paper. It is the end of June and that means you have just received your paycheque.

  “$9.74,” you repeat after your calculation, “I’ve got an extra $9.74 to spend.” You lean back in your chair and continues to bob your head. The wall behind you thumps to its own tempo; not of the song that is playing but its own rhythmic pattern. Your roommate is at it again. You close your eyes and allow yourself to drift. $9.74. You could get an extra meal. Or an extra drink at the bar. Or maybe you could just put that into your bank account. But that’d be useless, just sitting there. In the very distance, you hear the thumping of your roommate stop and its door creaks open. Another set of doors creak a couple of seconds later. You get out of your seat and open the door to your own room.

  Seohyun, your roommate, brushes past you wearing only a pair of shorts and her favourite black laced bra. She walks to the door of the apartment and kisses the man on the lips before taking a drag of the cigarette she is holding in the other hand. He stands with a hand in his pocket and the buttons of his shirt undone. You watch as Seohyun bites his lip before ending the kiss.

  “You’re the best,” you hear the robust mint-haired female say.

Cue the all too familiar buzzing.

“Love you, babe,” he says, kissing her one last time before leaving.

The buzzing halts.

“Love you too,” Seohyun kisses him one last time before gently pushing him out the door, closing it when he leaves.

And there returns the buzz.

Seohyun turns to walk back to her room and notices you standing there. “Hey,” she greets.

  “You know, he actually does like you,” you comment, coming out of your room. You rub the back of your neck and rotate it once to get rid of the stress. Seohyun sits down on the brown couch in the small living room and takes out a tin box. She crosses her legs and rummages through its contents. A cigarette leaves its embers on the ashtray in the table in front of her. “Right. And I like him too,” Seohyun replies, taking out what she had been looking for, “Him and his drugs.” She shakes the white packet before opening it up. She sniffs the contents once and sighs. Making a motion towards you, she offers its contents to you.

  You shake your head. You return into your room briefly to turn off the music and grab your phone and jacket. When you walk back out, you see that the packet is empty and Seohyun is passed out on the couch, fingers still speckled with white dust. You make a quick stop into Seohyun’s room to grab a blanket for her before locking the keys to the apartment.

  Your apartment, technically. You had been the one to pay full payment and was content in living alone until Seohyun showed up one night, begging for a place to sleep. You couldn’t let her sleep outside so you agreed. That one night turned into a week and finally a year, where Seohyun still stays.

  It isn’t like you didn’t enjoy Seohyun’s company. She is nice to be around, always engaging in some next level philosophical topic, particularly when she is high. It is, however, slightly annoying whenever she brings her “boyfriend”, or boyfriends at times, to the place, but you have learned to drown out their voices and actions by blasting your music. But what you like about Seohyun the most is that she doesn’t ask questions. The buzzing in your head is also always strangely quieter around the other girl as well.

  You trudge up the stairs and immediately brings a hand to shield your eyes from the bright sun. It is about seven in the evening but still way too bright for your liking. You like the darkness night brought with it. Serene. Solemn. Locking the gate to the building behind you, you walk down the streets all the while rolling your neck due to its tense state.

  No matter how many times it happened, you’d still feel its pain.

  The lingering pain left as a reminder of your unique power; gift; thing. Whatever people wanted to call it.

  You knew whenever somebody told a lie.

  You would feel this strange buzzing at the base of your neck when a person said anything but the truth around you. The buzzing didn’t come every time you talked to somebody - you couldn’t catch all the lies that came out of people’s mouths - but it occurred often enough to be a nuisance to you. While the buzzing wasn’t painful in itself, it always caused your neck to be in sore pain. The pain was not indicative of how big the lie was, however. A lie that involved so many twists and turns that even its creator could not keep track would give you pain. A small white lie would give you the same pain. To you, it was just pain.

  You quickly turn the corner and made your way down the stairs into the subway station. The man at the window gives you a small smile in which you did not return but hastily walk through the gate. One hour. It took 46 minutes to get to the station and another twelve minutes to walk. You had one hour. The subway could not be late.

  You were not always a walking human lie detector. In fact, you had only been living like this for the past six years of the total of your twenty-six. At least consciously aware of this ability of yours for that time period.

  If you really had to pinpoint when it started, you would connect it to approximately four more years prior to that: first year of high school. The prime time of adolescence.

  You could hear the first subway leave, vibrations through the sole of your feet and its wheels screeching on the tracks. That left two minutes for you to make it to the opposite platform which was for the direction you wanted to go. You glance at the elevator you are currently standing in front of. It had not budged from “G” for a while now. You glance at the stairs just a couple of steps away. Sighing, you leave your spot and make your way down the stairs. One and a half minute.

  The first year of high school sucked. Your parents had always screaming at each other and your brother was constantly skipping school. You did not want to be a second disappointment to your parents so you spent all her time studying in the library. It was also an excuse to be out of the house. One day, you returned home and found your mother crying on the steps of their house.

  “Mom, did you and Dad fight again?”

  Your mother did not meet your eyes. “Are you okay?” you had asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, trying to console your mother as best as a fourteen year old could do.

  “I’m fine,” your mother answered. That was when you first heard a faint buzzing. It was strange for bees to be around their flowerless yard.

“You don’t look fine,” you had pressed on, “Will you and Dad be okay?”

  Your mother shifted her position and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She looked at you with a bruised eye and said, “Your dad will be okay.” The buzzing seemed to fade.

  You patted the still damp cheek of your mother and hugged the fragile women. You slowly rubbed your mother’s back in small circles. “Mom, you and Dad will work things out. So promise me you guys won’t leave each other.”

  “I promise,” your mother had reassured you. That was when you cried out in pain as the buzzing attacked you. Your mother had been alarmed and you had laughed it off, saying that a bee had probably stung the back of your neck while she wasn’t aware. The duo then got off the floor and held hands as together, you walked back into the house.

  Your parents split a week later.

  You had never found it in herself to forgive your mother after that. You hadn’t even known that you had been lied to until you really thought about it in your years as an adult. You just hated the fact that your mother had promised something that she had been planning to break. When high school ended, you picked a college as far away from your mother’s house as you could. You poured all of your time into your academics and never bothered making friends. Throughout the four years there, you had occasionally felt the buzzing but did not really associate it with anything around her. It only became prominent when you started working at your first job.

  To any fresh graduate, this was a hire that was ever only dreamt of. It was a position with a high status in the company: Assistant Director of Internal Affairs. The company had been extremely impressed with your grades and all the extracurriculars you participated in. You had flown to three different cities outside of your own country as an intern and placed first in multiple conferences. It was no mistake that you had gotten in. You had been ecstatic when they spoke to you. You could finally move out of your mother’s house, in which you had temporarily been staying in while job searching; live in a city a thousand miles away from where she currently was, and was able to be somebody whom nobody knew about. It was your dream come true.

  That turned out to be a disaster. Every day you went into work, the buzzing would surround you and send you moaning in pain to the bathroom. You could barely speak to any of your coworkers without wanting to strangle them and tell them to be quiet. You could not attend any of the meetings and you had to call in multiple sick days within her first week there. Needless to say, this affected your work performance and after an agonizing four and a half months, the company fired you.

  Being without a job meant that you had no steady income. So, you moved out of the luxurious apartment you had just bought with your new salary and used the remaining money to buy the dank, run down one you were currently living in. You searched everywhere and finally found a waitress for hire at a bar close to the middle of the city. It was an hour from where you lived, but at least there you could dull the buzzing with alcohol. And this was how you lived for the past two years.

  You cursed. You missed it. The subway left you in its smoke as you got off the last step of the descending staircase.

...

The other man was slouched against the pillar of the building, blood running freely down the side of his head while his hand tried to keep in the rest of his blood from escaping out of the hole on his side. He panted, gasping for whatever oxygen was available.

  “Tell me,” the younger man towered over him, “Where did you hide the stash?” “I didn’t hide it, man. I swear. It’s where they asked me to leave it,” the bleeding man held his remaining hand in front of him in defense. “Please don’t hurt me.” There was a swish and cold metal sliced the air. He was not taller than the man, nor any stronger. But he had youth and a quick mind. More importantly, he had a weapon.

“Trust me. I wouldn’t want to hurt you, so don’t make me do something I don’t want to do,” he crouched and put his face close to the other man’s. He pressed the knife against his throat.

  The man whimpered as a thin line of fresh blood was drawn. “Please, I beg you. Don’t hurt me,” he said again, voice barely a whisper.

  The two stayed in that position until the younger abruptly stood up. “Fine, I won’t hurt you,” he stepped back, “But it’ll be on you when she gets hurt.” His movement is fast and he grabs the wrist of the single other person in the station.

...

  You stand with your back against the man, the knife held against your neck this time.

You dare not to move. You swallow once and glance down at the bleeding stranger. He is staring right back at you.

  From movies and dramas, you know not to fight back in scenarios like this. You also know not to scream as this would agitate both parties. You return the strangers stare: “Help me”.

  Your capturer’s voice rumbles through his chest and onto your back as he speaks, “Your choice. I can kill this girl and have it pinned on you, or you can just tell me where you put the stash.”

  “Please,” the bloody man pleads, “I’m just a carrier. I don’t know where any of the merchandise is. I… I admit it, alright? I disobeyed the instructions this time. I didn’t leave it where they told me.”

  You feel yourself being dragged closer to the subway tracks. Maybe you should kick or flail around a little. You try, but the man holds you steady. The blade is dangerously close to cutting your skin.

  The bleeding man can only watch in horror as the other man stands precariously on the edge of the tracks. “I’m going to push her down,” he is warned. His mind was frantic. He had been told that his task would be simple. He did not know that it would involve another human being to be hurt in the process. His mind flashes back to his little girl, probably still waiting for her father in their small flat.

  “I got another message right before I left,” he starts saying, “Please don’t hurt the girl. Please don’t hurt me. I’ve got a family.”

  “Don’t we all,” the voice behind you drawls in sarcasm, “Give me another excuse of why I need to keep listening.”

  You kick your assaulter. He grips you tighter. She look back at the bleeding man on the ground. He is still staring at you with wide eyes.

  “The message told me that the location had changed. I wasn’t sure if I should trust it, but an hour before the pickup time, another note showed up on my doorstep and said that if I brought it to the second location, I’d get an extra $150, so I did it,” he continues.

You feel the tension in your neck slightly subside amongst the chaos. You kicked your assaulter again.

  “Exact location. Now,” the voice demands.

  “Corner of 16th and Main,” he stammers.

  You kick a little harder this time, trying to wiggle out of the tight grip. It is really starting to hurt you. You feel yourself being pushed towards the bleeding man. Both you and your assaulter get extremely close to the man lying on the ground.

  You sniff once and instantly regret it. Mixed with the blood, you can smell the acidity of urine. The man is now crying and you think you could see the pool around him widen ever so slightly.

  “Please sir, I’ve told you everything that I know. I followed the instructions and left it there. I did not hide it. Somebody else must’ve used me to get it. I swear, Sir, I swear,” he holds his hands out and rubs them, a symbol of asking for mercy.

  The two of you stand up, or rather you are hauled up for the man. The knife nicks your neck and you swear under your breath. You can feel the two men stare at each other for a long time.

  “Scram,” the one behind her rasps. It takes a while for the bleeding man to stand, but adrenaline does wonders when the body is in danger. He limps out and up the stairs before he can be told twice. There is a rumbling in the distance to indicate that the next subway is arriving.

  “There’s a train coming,” you finally talk, “A train means there’s people.” Your assaulter still does not let go.

  “You’re hurting me,” you wiggled in his grasp. He loosens it and you finally get away. You turn and glare through your bangs at the man who has been holding you captive. You touch a finger to where the knife had nicked you, then examined it: there is blood.

  The man standing has put his knife away. He is studying you with eyes as intense as yours while bringing the lighter to the cigarette in his mouth. He takes a long drag and blows it in your direction.

  Standing only a few inches taller than you, he is of slightly above average height. He wears the iconic baggy shirt and jeans of the common gangsters that prowl the area. Even in the dim light of the subway station, you can make out the tattoo of a dragon spiraling up his arm. He does nothing to hide the fact that he is affiliated with the mafia.

  You are not particularly intimidating yourself. You stand at 164cm but wear a constant scowl. With your broken nose from a fall in your childhood, the feature makes your whole facial symmetry shift ever slightly to the left, accentuating the scowl even more. In a black t-shirt, black dress pants and black shoes, you wave her hand to rid herself of the smell of smoke.

  “So, was he lying?” the man finally speaks after a period of silence.

  “Fuck off, Jung Hoseok,” you growl.

[lucky-catttt]

Maxwell Lord’s Aphrodite - Pt 1

Summary: When Maxwell Lord’s world comes crashing down, you, his personal assistant bring him back from the pits of despair.

Pairings: Maxwell Lord x Reader (female), Maxwell Lord x You

Rating: Mature 18+ ONLY - I’ve also put a smut alert ahead in bold if you want to skip straight to the good bits ;)

Word Count: 7,381

Warnings: Sexual intercourse, foreplay, mentions of domestic abuse, trauma, drug/alcohol abuse.

A/N: This is my first fan-fic, so the writing might not be fantastic, but if you have any pointers/advice please tell me! I always read stories about Maxwell being a domineering guy and never stories about how he can be romantic and soft. When I watched WW84 especially at the end I saw how emotional and vulnerable he was with Alistair and wanted to write a story that portrayed him as a big cuddly teddy bear under all that masculine exterior. Enjoy!

You’ve worked for black and gold corporation for the better part of 7 years. You were hired as an intern assistant at just 21, soon after the company jettisoned from its humble beginnings inside a matchbox office suite on the corner of a strip mall, to a stock market listed company leasing the top floor in the tallest high rise office building in Los Angeles. Soon after moving in, the top floor office was packed with young, vibrant men and women who helped profits soar. But even at its busiest, Maxwell always made time for his staff. No matter what he was going through, he would give his staff his undivided attention and empathy. If they were having personal or professional problems, he would do everything he could to help. It aligned with his company motto, “life is good, but it can be better”.

He believed it was important to be as personable and helpful to others as possible, he felt that it was imperative to his own success. Only you knew this really stemmed from his less than favourable upbringing, being abused by his father, bullied by his peers and having to work hard for his achievements. He could be having the worst day, but he would never make it known to his team, all except you of course, being his personal assistant. As you spent a large amount of time together, Maxwell confided in and involved you in many personal areas of his life. 6 months after you started working for Max, he invited you and your then boyfriend to his wedding, stealing a waltz from you at the Reception. A year later, when his son, Alistair was born, he would show you picture after picture of baby photos, gushing about how proud he was to be a father. 3 years later when the company had its first day on the US stock exchange, you and Max stayed up all night at the office running through press releases, interviews and planning the next 6 months of his now very hectic schedule. When Alistair would come to the office to visit, you would babysit and play with him, change him, feed him, read him stories and sing him to sleep.

As he started to grow up, you soon rivaled Max in Alistair’s favourite person to spend time with at the office. Two years ago when you ended up in a very bad car accident and broke your arm, Max showed up personally to the hospital looking frantically worried about you. He even brought along Alistair who was helping carry a giant bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear and balloons. He stayed overnight after your surgery, sleeping in the most awkward positions on the single armchair next to your hospital bed. While you were in surgery, he made sure your work health insurance covered every cent and even provided company paid physiotherapy so you could get better properly. You knew you were in love with him since that dance at his wedding, but you had too much respect and adoration for him to be a homewrecker. Plus, you just assumed as he was so involved with all of his staff, that it didn’t mean he would be into you romantically.

As you were required to attend many of the shareholder and CCO/CEO/CFO meetings to take minutes, you became intrigued with the world of business and economics. So you enrolled in a Bachelor’s degree part time through a local University. At the time, women in business was largely unheard of, and to avoid sexist comments and discrimination, you told no one. When the Global Financial Crisis hit, it slammed into Maxwell’s dreams like a meteoroid. Overtime was required at the office and you spent most of your time in Max’s office doing paperwork for staff that had been laid off due to the budget cuts. Each day he would be on the phone, yelling at other business men on the other side of the world. You watched his positive energetic demeanor slowly chip away, as his drinks cart full of spirits and liqueurs dwindled alongside. Not long after, Black and Gold’s Chief Financial Officer and advisors within the company were arrested for Insider Trading and other shady business dealings.

Throughout all of this, you had given Max as much support, personally and professionally as you could, while still being respectful and platonic as he was a married man. With most of the staff gone and the company’s finances in disarray from the GFC and mismanagement, the universe dealt Max the final blow, his divorce. His wife, who was clearly only interested in him for his money and how it could provide her a cushy lifestyle, filed for divorce as the company was failing. She tried to take him to the cleaners financially, but Max was smart enough to have a prenuptial agreement and keep what was left of his dwindling fortune. So she used their son, Alistair, as a pawn in her game. The courts granted Max shared custody, but only one visit per fortnight. This devastated him as his son was his whole world.

He didn’t want to become destitute by giving up his fortune to his wife, but he didn’t want to lose his son, either. It started to tear him apart, leading to drunken nights in his office, alone. Except, he wasn’t totally alone. Every night, after everyone had gone home, you would stay back late each night to check on him and make sure he hadn’t done anything stupid. You would sit in one of the barren office cubicles with a vantage point to his office, but invisible to see from his desk. With tears sitting at the edges of your eyes, you silently watch him drink enough alcohol to chill out a bull, take some pills, flip through photo books of Alistair and start to sob. This went on for months. Overdue bills and foreclosure notices started to pile up on his desk. Egregiously inflated child support payment requests from his ex-wife littered the coffee table in his office.

Today was an exceptionally hard day, Max had received a resignation letter from his second last employee, leaving just you and him in the office. He slept on the futon in his office the night before, waking up looking disheveled, his tie pulled loose, shirt half tucked, suit jacket on the floor and his shoes god knows where. He looked awful.

Night falls, shrouding the office in darkness. Apart from a few desk lights, the floor is cold & dark. As you start packing boxes with office paperwork and belongings, you glance over to see the outline of Max at his desk, with his back turned, silently smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of whiskey on ice. He reaches back for a brief moment, to press the answering machine, illuminated by his desk lamp. *beep* Message received, Wednesday, 4:33 pm “Hello Maxwell this is Brittany from AMP investments, your lease agreement with us has been defaulted for 6 months now with $150,000 in rent arrears. If it is not paid by the 30th of this month, building management will deactivate access to the floor and repossess any remaining belongings on the property. *beep* End Message. Message received Thursday, 5:43 pm “Max it’s Barb, I’m cancelling Alistair’s visit this weekend, seeing as you don’t want to pay me any extra child support.” *beep* End Message. Message received today, 7:02 pm “Hey Daddy, it’s Alistair, Mommy said I can’t come over because you’re working too much to see me. I wish you weren’t working all the time so we could play together and go to the movies and-“ you hear Barb, Max’s ex wife cut him off with “Alistair? What are you doing on the phone?! Who are you talking to?” Alistair whines, “I wanted to talk to Daddy” suddenly the sound of the receiver slams into the phone. *beep* End Message. You have no new messages.

The office is dead silent, but you can audibly hear the sound of Max’s heart shattering into a thousand pieces. He begins to cry, slowly shrinking in his chair, slumping down with his forearms on his knees and his head bowed. The cries slowly become more intense, with Max gasping for air between the long loud shrieks as his whole body shakes. “Alistair! My Alistair! My boy! I’ve failed you! Your Daddy failed you!” He wails, tears freely flooding down his face and snot dripping out of his nose, both like endless waterfalls. He drops to his knees and collapses onto the carpet, like he’s been shot right through the chest. He continues to sob & wail, forgetting that he isn’t alone in the office. You walk to the doorway of his office, frozen with indecision. Your heart was pounding and eyes on the verge of tears from what you just heard. On one hand you feel like you’re intruding on something extremely personal and maybe somewhat embarrassing for Maxwell, but you’ve never seen him like this and he looked like he was physically dying.

“Mr Lord, is everything okay?” Your soft voice quietly called out from the doorway of his office. Your medicated voice jolts Max out of his catatonic state and into a sitting upright position, as he quickly wipes his face and fixes his hair. “Oh, Ug-I’m so sorry for you to see me like this, it’s quite unbecoming of me” Maxwell apologises, trying to play it off with a light hearted chuckle between quiet heaved sobs. You catch a frozen stare, peering straight into his soul past the bloodshot, weepy but warm, brown irises.

Your heart is thumping hard, as if to try and break out of your ribcage and fly over to him. Max had been there for all of his staff, especially you. You couldn’t walk away after everyone else in his life had abandoned or given up on him. “You don’t need to apologise, Mr Lord.” You slowly reply, stepping over the booze bottles littering his office floor as you walk over to him. He’s frantically adjusting his outfit and hair, to look as put together as possible before you sit down beside him on the floor. You both sit there in silence, with the odd sniffle coming from Max’s nose. You finally pucker up the courage and say “I didn’t want to intrude but I heard the voice messages, I’m so sorry all of this has happened to you, Max”.

He had never heard you say his name before, it was always “Mr Lord”. It felt like honey soothing his dry strained throat as it rolled off your tongue. You continued, “You’ve always been there for me”, you paused to redirect attention, “for all of us. What can I do to help?”. You reach out and place your hand on his. Your warm, soft touch sends a shock wave of emotion through his body. No one has cared about him like this before, let alone touched him in such a gentle way. Max stares at your now teary eyes, realising he can be vulnerable and trust his longest and closest friend.

He collapses by your side, crying into your shoulder “I’m a failure” he sobs “My business, my marriage and most importantly I’ve failed my son. I just hope one day that he can forgive me and love me and be proud of me. He is my whole life, I just want him back”. You start to choke up but you have to remain composed. You look up and away, silently biting your knuckle and blinking tears back into your eyes before responding. “Max, you are not a failure, you are an exceptional human being. You built this company from nothing and you changed peoples lives. And don’t even get me started with Alistair, you’re the best father a kid could ask for, it’s not your fault your ex wife is being abusive”. He continues to sob, so you wrap your arm around his side and let him cry for a few minutes. The smell of his chemically lightened & straightened dark blonde hair filled your nostrils as his forehead pressed against your chin.

His large fingers and palms grip your free hand. They’re surprisingly soft & very warm. You freeze as his touch sends zaps of electricity up your arm and down your body. As Maxwell leans against you, your perfume overloads his senses, bringing him back to a conscious state. What was he doing? He thought to himself. I’m a failure, and everything I get close to fails or leaves. He looks down at your hands. I can’t hurt such an amazing person. I have to rip off the metaphorical bandaid and be cruel to be kind. “Thank you” he sighs, catching his breath after minutes of sobbing “You can go home now. In fact, I want you to take a redundancy payout so you can find another job. There’s nothing left for you here. I’m a failure and I don’t want you drowning with the ship” he says, in a clinically professional voice. Max hands you a company envelope with your name on it. He sits up to take a sip on the remaining whiskey left in his glass.

Your ears begin to burn and your cheeks redden with anger. Tears prick at the edges of your eyes, begging for them to flow. “Alfred will take you home in the company car, or wherever you want to go”. He continues, now smoking a cigarette.

“But what If I don’t want to go?” You whisper, trying to hide the sobs that are trying to break through your voice. “Please, I just want you to be happy” Max replies. You take great offence at his ignorant statements, as if he knows what makes you truly happy. “How do you know what makes me happy, Max?” You huff, standing up abruptly and folding your arms. “Well, I don’t know, but I can’t exactly see how you would be happy staying here while my company fails” he answers, shrugging. You feel your heart begin to break, realising that even being single and having such a close professional relationship with you, Max seemed to hold no deeper feelings for you and was almost starting to turn on you. You stand there wanting to run for the door but trying to think logically. Men are dim, maybe he doesn’t realise your true feelings? Maybe he’s preoccupied with his own and too overwhelmed to face them?

Max’s embarrassment from being caught in such a vulnerable state compounded with offending you takes its toll and he starts to get frustrated and impatient. “I think I just want to be alone now”. He sighs, looking away. The words cut deep, slicing you apart like ribbons. You begin to feel yourself fall apart, your emotions and thoughts spilling out with force. “I can’t leave” you sob, hanging your head in shame. Hearing you start to cry, he starts to hate himself more as he's clearly made you upset. With emotions bubbling over, he stands up, looking at you with tears in his eyes. “Why? Why can’t you leave!?” He shouts, a pained look of frustration and confusion on his face as he puts his hands on your arms, gently shaking you to get you to speak.

The last of the ribbons tying up your words from coming out fall down around you. You look deep into his crazed brown eyes, longing for an answer. “Because I love you!” You blurt out, sobbing. The tension in the room is now thick enough to cut with a knife. “I’ve loved you since the night we danced at your wedding. I fell in love with one of the most empathic, intelligent, hard working and compassionate men I know. You changed my life and every day I wish I could’ve shown you the love & kindness you deserve. That you need”. You step back from his grip, straightening your pantsuit as you compose yourself. “But I guess if I’m not needed anymore, I’ll leave you alone, Mr Lord”. The duality of your emotive declaration of love against the rigid clinical final words lurched his heart forward like a freight train and then slammed against his rib cage with the force of 100Gs.

You start to stride towards the door, but Maxwell follows behind you quickly, grabbing your hand, where you turn around on your heels. He grabs both of your hands and brings them up between you, squeezing them gently. “Pl-please don’t, don’t leave me” he begs, “you-you’re all I have left”. His dark brown eyes shimmer with tears as he shoots you a pleading gaze. He drops to his knees, wrapping his arms around your legs and squeezing tight like he's hanging on for dear life. You stand frozen on the spot, feeling Max’s warm breath on your legs as he heaves a few more cries. As you start to run your hands through his dark blonde locks, the sensation calms your mind and you reach your hands down to cup Max’s face, tilting it up to look at you. “I won't, Max” you say with a concerned gaze. “As long as you don’t push me away”. Max nods silently as he reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out his pocket square. He stands up and starts to gently wipe your tears away. “I’m so sorry” he apologises “I lashed out because I felt like a failure and I didnt want to let you down anymore and disappoint you.” he continues while making sure he’s wiped all of the tears from your cheeks and cleaned up some of your smudged makeup. “You’re not a failure, Max” you reply, “You’re an incredible man and you should be proud of everything you have achieved”.

Max gives you a small smile, blushing slightly as he gently embraces you with his big arms, pulling you close against his chest. His strong cologne masked the slight tinge of body odour from not showering mixed into a masculine and attractive scent. You quietly inhale as much as your lungs will allow, savouring every smell. As he starts to brush through your curls with his large fingers, he plants a small kiss on your head, making you feel like you could melt out of his arms and into a puddle on the floor. “I’m sorry, too.” you whisper. “Sorry for what?” he quizzes, looking down at you, puzzled. “For telling you that I love you. It’s true, but I feel like it was not the most appropriate time to tell you with everything that’s going on with Alistar, the company, your-” Max interrupts your sentence “Come with me”. Max strides you across his office floor with his arm around your waist. You both walk over to an unassuming door, which you always thought led to a supply closet. Upon its opening, you step into the room to reveal a whole bedroom, complete with a dining table, sofa, TV and ensuite. You had been Max’s personal assistant for 7 years and had no idea such a room even existed. “Wow” you manage to blurt out in complete shock. “I had this room made so that when I was working long hours my ex-wife and Alistair could stay here” Max explained, adjusting bits and bobs around the room “Although my ex-wife never stayed. She always accused me of sleeping with other women in this bed when in fact I was actually working. I kind of live here now, having sold my estate to pay to keep the company running”

He gestures to you to sit on the timber art deco dining chair, as he picks up the phone on the coffee table. “Alfred. Can you please take a drive and bring back any decent takeout food you find. Make sure to get some for yourself, too”. Max hangs up the phone before turning on the radio and then grabs two wine glasses from the small bar by the lounge and a bottle of red wine. He places both glasses on the table and fills both half way. You pick up your glass and walk over to the floor to ceiling window, overlooking downtown LA. As Max is fussing over tidying and making the room perfect, he glances over to see you standing alone, looking out the window. Lost in your own little world, you feel Max’s large soft hand intertwine with your free hand. “I started black and gold in a shoebox office inside a strip mall, over there, in South LA” he points just in front of the hills. He pauses. “I expect that after I get evicted I won’t even be able to lease that same office”. You give his hand a small squeeze. “Maybe I could help you”. Max looks at you dubiously. “How do you mean?” He inquired.

Just as you were planning to answer, Alfred arrives with some food. Max walks over to your dining chair and pulls it out, gesturing for you to sit. You take your seat and he flaps a linen napkin into your lap, before sitting down adjacent to you. Alfred had bought some delicious Mexican food, the intoxicating smell of meats, cheeses and spices filling the room. “Thank you, Alfred. I’ll call you again if we need anything” Max smiles, patting Alfred on the back as he leaves. You both sit at the table for hours, eating, drinking and talking about the company. Max finally learns the secret that you’ve been hiding about studying at University. “I haven’t officially graduated yet, but learning what I have, I could probably help Black and Gold get out of its current predicament. I also might know some investors that I befriended in the same units as me from the University”. Max shoots you a soft smile. “You really are the best assistant and friend anyone could ask for” he beams, placing his hand on yours. Embarrassed by his compliment and burning with desire to want to kiss him, you stand up and head over to the couch to distract yourself from your intense feelings. Max realises the use of the word friend was probably a poor choice. He must be honest with you and tell you how he feels. Max joins you on the couch where your arms are crossed and you’re staring ahead. You’re trying to avoid eye contact else you’ll burst into flames.

********SMUT ALERT********

“I hope you don’t think I’m rude or ignoring the impassioned declaration you made earlier” Max smiles “I just wanted to give you a semi-decent first date”. You feel your cheeks begin to blush and you unfold your arms. “The truth is” Max continues, resting his hand on yours. “I feel the same way about you. Even before my ex-wife divorced me, I started to fall in love with you. The way you are with Alistair, how committed you are to helping me. I just didn’t think you’d wanna be with an older man like me and even more so when everything started to go downhill”.

You place your hand on top of Max’s, both now staring at each other softly yet intensely. “Max” you turn to face him, edging closer. Max nervously places his hands on your cheeks. “I’ve waited for 7 years, please kiss me”.

Max finally kisses your lips, setting your whole body alight. Dizzy from the sensation, you lay back on the couch as Max follows down on top of you. He begins peppering slow, thoughtfully placed kisses down your jaw and neck. You let out a whimper as your hands twirl through his hair. Every movement he makes is slow, as if he is trying to slow down time and make this moment last forever. Max comes back up and passionately kisses your mouth, your tongue begging his for entrance. As your tongues intertwine, he holds your head and neck with one hand, while stroking your hair with the other. Max holds you gently yet strongly in his arms, like he’s holding onto a fragile Fabergé egg. With the position you’re in on the couch and the impracticality of your work attire in non-work sitting positions, he senses that you’re uncomfortable.

“May I?” He asks, holding the zipper to your dress as he places his arms behind your back. You nod and he slowly unzips it, gently slipping it off you and carefully folding it over the armrest of the lounge. Overcome with passion and desire from Max’s romantic gestures, you blurt out “I want you to take me, Max”. Without a word, he scoops you up in his arms and walks you over to the bed, placing you down gently in the middle. Max sits at the foot of the bed, marvelling at your stunning body. You’re wearing stockings and a purple lingerie set, coincidentally Max’s favourite colour.

Max leans down and kisses the top of your foot, peppering kisses up your legs before reaching the clips of your garter belt. He unclasps them before rolling down the stockings, kissing back down your legs. Burning with desire, you unclasp your bra and garter belt, throwing them to the side of the bed. Max looks up from kissing your legs to see your breasts exposed in the moonlight, your nipples hard from his gaze.

“Y-you look absolutely beautiful” he chokes before climbing up on top of you to reach your face. You blush, feeling Max’s extremely hard cock straining in his suit trousers against your thigh. “Kiss me, Max” you moan, brushing your lips against his and moving your hand down towards his crotch. Max slowly and passionately begins to kiss you, your tongues swirling in each other’s mouths, the taste of wine and chilli making for a sensual combination. As your hand reaches Max’s crotch, you begin to grope and rub his sizeable length, causing him to let out a loud moan. You shoot him a cheeky sexual gaze, but he grabs your hand and brings it up for you to cup the side of his face. “Not just yet my little dove” he whispers. You pout but decide to put your hands to better use and unbutton his shirt, revealing his strong chiseled chest. Max starts to breathe deeper from arousal as you unbuckle his belt and throw it to the floor. “I want to take my time with you” Max whispers “You’ve waited so long and I want this moment to be everything you deserve. I want to worship and pleasure you completely”.

Your pussy is now completely soaked, the faint squelches from your juices against your panties sounds in the background of Max kissing your neck. Maxwell is more preoccupied with taking his time in a combination of making up for lost time with you, giving you the best first time with him and making this moment last as long as possible. “Guide me” Max sighs between kisses, giving you his free hand. Holding it with both hands, you guide him down your neck and to your breasts. Max traces your breasts, flicking your nipples as he watches you whine with pleasure. Slowly he leans down and begins to suck on them, gently swirling his tongue and flicking. He kisses from one breast to the other, squeezing them in his hand. “Your body is perfect. Your skin is so soft.” he moans. By this time you’re rubbing your thighs together in an effort to stimulate your clit without your hands as they’re gripping Max’s dark blonde hair.

“Max, take off your pants” you pant, becoming overstimulated from all this teasing foreplay. He stands up off the bed and unzips his trousers, pulling them down to reveal his rock hard cock. “Oh Max” you moan, reaching down under your panties to touch yourself as his cock twitches. Max hurriedly crawls onto the bed and back up to your face, pulling your hand out of your panties. He brings your fingers close to his mouth and rubs them on his lips before bringing his tongue out to swirl around them, sucking your juices off them. “Touch me Max” you immediately whimper “I need your touch”. Max moans before kissing you passionately. As you both enjoy your tender kiss, Max traces his hand down your body, over your breasts, along your stomach and reaches the edge of your panties. Max reaches into your panties and gently places a finger at the top of your pussy, gently but firmly pressing down as he traces over your clit and down to your opening. Your wetness has coated every inch of your pussy. “You’re so wet” he pants, the sensation starts to send some beads of precum out the tip of his cock. “For you” you moan, writhing in pleasure at his calculated & lingering touch.

Looking deep into your eyes, Max rubs your folds slowly before he inserts two fingers gently but deep inside you. He begins to switch between a circling and a come hither motion on your g-spot, sending sparks shooting up through your body. You arch your back and let out a moan, while Max kisses your neck. “Oh Max baby that feels so good” you moan, gripping the sheets. “You feel amazing” Max sighs, brushing your hair out of your face so he can study your facial expressions as he pleasures you. Just when you thought it couldn’t feel any more amazing, Max places his thumb onto your clitoris, bringing you closer to climax in a matter of milliseconds. “Oh my god Max, Max I’m gonna cum” you moan into his neck, biting him. Max continues fingering you, intently watching your face waiting for you to reach orgasm.

Between Max’s fingering, his kisses and eye contact it doesn’t take long for it all to send you over the edge, riding into a full body orgasm, squirting all over Max’s hand. “You’re so beautiful baby” Max coos, holding your body close with his fingers still inside you as your back arches and your body trembles while you let out a long loud moan. Despite this exquisite display and sensation happening between your legs, Max keeps eye contact with you, peering deep into your soul, completely enamoured. As you start to come down from your orgasm, Max slowly removes his fingers and sucks them clean. “You taste incredible, so sweet baby” he moans, licking the squirt off his hand. As you begin to catch your breath, Max kisses down your body and reaches your pussy, where he begins to lap up the rest of your juices. Very gently, Max parts the puffy pussy lips covering your clit. He starts to lick in between the folds, avoiding your clit as it recovers from the intense orgasm. He travels down to your entrance where he sticks his tongue inside, tasting your juices inside you.

The hum from his moan as he eats you out relaxes you like a lullaby. Max then comes back up to your face, kissing your forehead. “That was incredible Max” you pant, staring up at the ceiling. He rests his lips against your neck, cupping your breast and gently squeezing it and thumbing your nipple. “Let me pleasure you Max, please” you beg, giving him a pleading gaze. Max obliges as you change positions with him now lying on his back. You cup his face with one hand, giving him a loving smile as his hand grabs yours. He starts to kiss you as your hands both guide down his chest, stomach and reach his groin. You begin to tease him, tracing your fingertips around the base of his cock, then up the shaft. Your light touches cause his cock to twitch. “Your touch is magical'' Max groans as your hand grips his shaft and travels up to his tip. His precum has soaked the head, giving you enough lubricant to slowly jerk your hand up and down, gripping tightly.

The sensation for Max is heavenly, panting and moaning between kissing your cheeks and forehead as you concentrate your gaze on his pulsing cock. Your jerking movements become more intense as you look up to see Max with his eyes closed, like he’s dreaming and if he opens them you’ll cease to exist. You continue to jerk him as you kiss his neck, feeling his cock harden even more and begin to pulse rapidly, like he’s getting close. “W-wait” Max whimpers. “I want this night to be about pleasuring you. Your mere presence pleasures me enough.” He kisses your hand & cups your cheek, looking deeply into your eyes. “What can I do to please you? Would you like t-to make love?”. Your heart bursts with emotion as this man is so set on pleasuring you so much. “Yes Max, I would love that very much” you sigh.

You lay back down on the bed, Max lying by your side. He begins to embrace you, running his hands over your body before kissing down your neck and chest as he rubs your clit. Max stops for a moment, studying your beautiful naked body. He then moves down and pushes your legs up, exposing your pussy. As you squeeze your breasts and look at his chiseled jaw, Max nervously lines up his cock before rubbing it on your clit, soaking the tip in your wetness. Impatient with how he’s teasing you, you whisper “Fuck me Maxwell”. Slowly, he pushes his cock down your clitoris and through your folds before the tip pushes inside. Without even being all the way inside, he moans “this must be what Heaven feels like”. With one gentle thrust, he’s completely inside, shuddering as your warm, tight, wet walls squeeze his cock shaft and tip. “Oh my god Max. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment” you moan, as he starts to slowly thrust. “M-me too beautiful” he grunts, feeling pure ecstasy wash over him as your pussy tenses, massaging his twitching length. A few minutes go by of you both silently staring intensely into each other’s eyes, kissing passionately. With every thrust you begin to connect deeper to Max, your bodies intertwining on a physical, emotion and spiritual level. Max’s cock twitches inside you as he watches you moan and bite your lip, squeezing your breasts.

“I can’t believe you love a man, a man like me” Max says still in disbelief, watching your body motion up and down as he slowly strokes in and out of you. He studies your body intensely, watching the moonlight and shadows play across your curves as your breasts bounce with every thrust. “You’re so beautiful Hermosa”, his mother tongue now coming through “como una diosa, like, A-Aphrodité.” he sighs, cupping your face with both hands. You cover his hands with yours, interlocking your fingers, turning your face each way slightly to kiss his palms and stare back at him lovingly and seductively, feeling like you could float away. “Your Aphrodite” you sigh, arching back slightly in pleasure, gripping his hands to guide them down to your breasts for him to lovingly caress and fondle. In slight shock at your romantic response, he immediately leans down whilst thrusting and peppers kisses all over your lips, letting out a sniffle.

With his eyes closed, focusing on lasting to bring you pleasure and to hide his emotions, a few tears drop onto your cheeks as he continues to thrust, now grunting each time into your neck to cover up the small sobs. You kiss his cheek, to take his tears away, the saltiness turning into sweet nectar on your tongue. “It’s okay baby, you can be vulnerable with me, I will protect you. I love you”. You choke, now crying also. Both sharing a connection transcending physically, in that exact moment, without an increase in volume, the lyrics of the Bob Dylan song playing on the radio seem to stand out and ring true in this very moment;

Storm clouds are raging all around my door, I think to myself I might not take it any more. Take a woman like your kind, To find the man in me. But, oh, what a wonderful feeling, Just to know that you are near. Sets my a heart a-reeling, From my toes up to my ears...

Your foreheads now together, staring deeply into each other’s eyes, Max whimpers “I love you so much” as his whole body begins to tense, signalling he’s on the precipice of an orgasm. Feeling his cock become even harder as it thrusts into the deepest part of your pussy, slamming the extra nerves to unlock your powerful orgasm. “Oh my god Max I’m gonna cum” you moan, slamming your eyes shut as you begin to try and slow down so this moment can last forever. “Cum mi reina” Max pants, keeping the tempo of his thrusting steady as the waves of your orgasm reach its peak before crashing down & flooding your entire body. Your body arches and trembles as you scream “Oh Max!” while your pussy clamping down & releasing in pulses on Max’s cock. The sight of you orgasming tied with the sensation around his cock sends Max over the edge. “Cielo” Max groans, shuddering all over as his cock spurts thick ropes of cum against your sensitive cervix. You both share a passionate kiss as Max’s cock softens inside you. “That was amazing Max” you pant, your body weak from the two mind blowing orgasms Max gave you.

Max collapses on the bed beside you, kissing your neck and running his fingers through your hair. “I can’t wait for us to do that again” Max chuckles against your neck. You kiss Max’s forehead, sighing as your body still slightly shakes from the two powerful orgasms Max just gave you. “I think a shower is in order” He embraces you momentarily before scooping you up in his arms and carries you off the bed, walking towards the ensuite. “Are you ever gonna let me walk again?” You giggle, nestling into his neck. “I like feeling you be as close to me as possible” Max laughs, before your feet land back on the tiles inside the bathroom. Max turns on the water and you both step into the shower, the steam now filling the room. Max has an assortment of body washes and shampoos, ranging from musky to citrusy and floral scents. You step closer to Max as he takes some lavender body wash and begins to rub it down your back, his hands dancing over the rest of your body as he starts to wash you. “I know I keep saying this, but you are so beautiful” Max sighs, running his hands over your ass, grabbing a cheek in each hand. “You’re not too bad yourself, handsome” you giggle against Max’s neck.

You both spend at least an hour in the shower, washing each other, chatting and sharing a few more intimate moments. Soon, the wine from dinner, the warm shower water, the scent of lavender and your fatigue from your orgasms starts to take its toll and you feel your eyelids drooping. Max finishes washing you and grabs a towel to help you dry off with. As your eyelids close completely Max has already scooped you up and walked back to the bed, placing you in the middle before wrapping you up in blankets and placing a small kiss on your forehead. “Goodnight my love” he whispers. “Mmmm” you moan, already in a dream state. Max soon gets under the covers with you, embracing you tightly as he watches you sleep, twirling his fingers through your hair. The smell of lavender on your skin soon lulls Maxwell to sleep.

The next morning you wake up, dazed and a little hungover, but well rested. As you look around the room, you survey the many pieces of clothes, miscellaneous items and wine bottles strewn across the floor in a tornado of passion from the night before. As your eyes adjust to the sun, you see Max in an under-shirt and pyjama pants over by the dining table. Max, in his own little world, frantically setting the dining table with some breakfast Alfred had brought up while you were sound asleep. He’s making sure everything is laid out perfectly, straightening the cutlery and pouring Orange Juice and Champagne into a glass from the bar. He hears the cotton sheets move behind him, immediately turning around to see if you’re awake. “Good morning beautiful” Max hums, rushing over to the bed to pepper your cheeks and lips with hundreds of little kisses. “Morning handsome” you giggle, running your hands through Max’s hair, in an attempt to match your bed hair. “Are you hungry, mi amor?” he asks between kisses. “I’m famished” you reply, stretching to help you wake up more. As you writhe around in the sheets you notice you’re wearing a chiffon baby doll.

“I hope you don’t mind I uh, had it in the wardrobe & wasn’t sure if you liked to sleep naked so I put it on you just after you fell asleep.” Max laughs, scratching the back of his head. You blush, feeling embarrassed that you got that drunk, but Max’s reassuring smile makes you feel at ease. “I do usually sleep naked, but I like it, it makes me feel beautiful”. Max sighs “so beautiful”, wrapping you up in a tight embrace and planting a single kiss on your forehead. Max scoops you up and carries you out of bed before you lightly plant your feet onto the carpeted floor. As you glance over to the dining table, Max comes up behind you and helps you slip on a long beautiful chiffon robe, accented with feathers on the hem.

“Another little something for my beautiful mariposa” Max coos, kissing your cheek before pulling out your chair at the dining table. You feel like you’re walking on clouds as you step over to your chair and sit down, Max flapping a napkin onto your lap. “Oh my goodness Max you’re such a gentleman” you blush. “My mother taught me to show women the highest level of respect and care. She made me the man who I am today.” Max replies, looking out the window momentarily. You outstretch your arm across the table to squeeze Max’s hand “And she would be so proud of the man that you’ve become” you beam with a sweet smile. Max soon draws your attention to the diverse spread of pastries on the table, pointing out the different fillings of each and asks if you would like coffee. You nod before noticing a large bouquet of red roses in the middle of the table. As Max places a few pastries on your plate, you feel a sense of intense attraction wash over you like a wave.

Your internal monologue starts to read back to itself, reflecting on how loving, generous and respectful Max is towards you. How much he takes care of you and oh god, how handsome he looks…you start to feel aroused by this somewhat submissive gentleman, sensing a rising heat from your core. Max submitted to your every want and desire last night, raising you up and worshipping you like a goddess, now you wanted to submit to him. Knowing now that you can be vulnerable and honest around Max, you lean back in your chair, biting down on a blueberry pastry.

To be continued..... ;) muahahahaha

a special thanks to the users below for the inspiration and encouragment!

@pintsizemama @anaaaispunk @maxlordsgf @rav3n-pascal22, @pedrostories, @absurdthirst @pedrosbrat​

[ac3id]

Thankyou so much for sending in a request🌸💕you cuties get what you ask for :)

tw: noncon/ dubcon, captivity, a lil bit of violence?? , bakugou and shoto are aged up obv

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DABI

🌸 he’s obviously a sadist like- look at him you just know.

🌸he’s has probably been with women who like it rough in the past so he is not like hesitant to show that wild side to his partner. i think he puts everything on the table- slapping, kicking, spanking and even spitting in his s/o’s mouth. he also enjoys degrading his s/o. humiliating them, making them cry. yup all of it. this guy is hardcore.

🌸but, all those carnal feelings kind of get buried when he meets you. you’re a pretty little thing. you must be protected. always so cheerful, always rwady to help others, and oh so innocent. dabi practically cringes whenever he sees someone else talking to you.

🌸don’t you know that they don’t really care about you? they just want your attention so they can corrupt your angelic soul? Why are you still talking to them?

🌸he gets pissed off from all the useless people trying to come between the two of you so, he locks you up. he’s the only on you can talk to now, he’s the only you will see from the start of the day till the end. until the kids come in, obviously.  

🌸he’s finally happy. he has you for himself now. he protect you, love you. he can be your friend, your lover. he feels complete.

🌸you on the other hand.....

🌸you cry, scream at him. call him a monster, ask him to kill himself and never show you his again. dabi never loses his cool. he looks at you with silent rage in his beautiful cerulean blue eyes and the next thing you know he’s dragging you into his room, cuffing your hands to the bed posts and leaving you there the entire day. nothing to eat or drink, you have to sit in complete silence while you starve. 

🌸dabi promises himself he would never hurt you, physically that is. it’s the entire reason why he had brought you back home with him, to protect you, silly.

🌸it starts of as a mistake, he never meant to hurt you. you had just pissed him to an extent he lost all his cool.when he realizes what he’s done, he’s ready to cut off his arms for you. guilt takes over his being. he feels like he was a child again, and his favorite toy had broken, he couldn’t live without that toy.

🌸that would have been the case but, when he realizes you like it. oh boy, rip darling. you’re moaning, he’s confused for a second but after he realizes that it turns you on he’s going to ask you to beg which you gleefully do. you beg him to hurt you, tie you up, use you however he pleases. 

🌸dabi is on cloud nine, he’s so proud of you. 

🌸you’re never going to hear an end to it. he likes teasing you about it, something as innocent and petite like you gets off to being used ? well, dabi is going to make sure all your needs are satisfied. he’s your husband after all. 

🌸expect him to start using toys on you. punishments become so much more fun for him after he learns about your little secret. now instead of tying you up and leaving you alone for days, he can beat your ass black and blue and deny you release only you for you to cuddle with him while he dotes on you.

🌸he wonders how he got so lucky.

🌸You were doing the dishes, Dabi had forced you to them. The reason was, "while I am out working for us. you should take care of this place, hmm?" or simply put, he wanted you to play the housewife for his perfect family fantasy.  

Perfect family, you scoffed internally. At this point, you knew better than to disobey him. Disobeying him just resulted in you being locked in a dark room for days on end while he went about his day doing god knows what.  You feel him stalk behind you as he hugs you from the back. His body pressed to your back allows you to feel his inhumane warmth. A normal person should never be this hot. 

He tilts his head so it levels with your neck, the water from the taps still running as you stay frozen while he pampers your neck with kisses. His hands are tightly wrapped around your waist making it impossible for you to escape his sinful intentions. 

You sigh as he trails kisses to your jaw. Quietly accepting defeat. Next, you feel his hands creeping south. You feel his hand cup your womanhood his middle finger pressing onto your covered hole. 

“You know, y/n, I think we’ve been getting along. You don’t even cry when I kiss you anymore.”

 You turn off the tap as Dabi continues the assault. He slips his hands under your pants and you let out a whimper. “Dabi, no please, I’m not ready” 

Dabi stops his actions. He completely detaches himself from you and takes a step back. You turn around and face him, he is looking down on the floor his hair scanning his eyes. The aura of the room quickly turns from mundane to something worse and you stay quiet. You already know you've pissed him off. You want to mutter out apologies but you know better, speaking now would mean punishment worse than what he has already planned in his head. 

“y/n,” his hand comes in contact with your neck. He squeezes around it, you frown as you find it harder to breathe. Your hands wrapping around dabi’s trying to get him free you but he doesn’t budge. 

He looks at you, his eyes filled with rage. Glaring down at you, he scoffs, “I was being nice with you! but you don’t understand do you?” his free hand slips under your shirt grabbing your chest. He gropes your tits, pinching and pulling your nipples until they harden. Despite the twisted scenario you feel yourself getting wet, you could not believe it but you were enjoying this, you felt disgusted. 

It was getting harder to breathe as dabi’s grip never loosened. His hands now traveled towards your cunt which grew wetter every second.

 He slipped his hands under your pants and a sicking grin took over his features, his staples looked like they could have popped right out. The animalistic glare only drove you further towards insanity.

“So, my sweet, little, baby likes getting choked? Who could have thought?” he remarked sarcastically, “you got something to say, baby?” his voice was sickeningly sweet. If you could have, you would have punched his face whipping that smirk but you couldn’t and Dabi did not fail to notice how riled up he had gotten. If you wanted more you had to beg.

Your dignity had left you the moment he had chained you to his bed and making you into his obedient little housewife. There wasn’t much to lose so, you begged.

“Phle-” you started and Dabi’s hand left your neck. You huffed in air and he pulled your hair arching your neck to face him. Your neck hurt and so did your head but the pain regretfully pleasurable. 

“Please, Dabi,” you say in a whisper 

“Please what?” he growls. You swallow your last shreds of pride.

“Please hurt me.” 

You know you’re fucked when he looks down at you like he’s a hunter who finally caught his prey. His tongue peeking from his mouth as he licks his lips. “Whatever you say, princess.” 

The entire night goes by as he continuously abuses your hole, spanking, slapping, and even spitting on you. Dabi makes sure you feel sub-human the entire time. Calling you names, making fun of your insecurities and he doesn’t feel bad making you cry. He couldn’t, the way your cunt squeezed his cock deeper inside he had forgotten about all his promises. 

And you couldn’t deny it either. You kept begging him to use you even though you felt sick, the pleasure was far greater.  

SHINDO YO

🌸 like dabi, i also imagine him being a sadist like its just his vibes. he loves breaking down his s/o into a whiny little mess only for him to put them back up together. 

🌸when meets you, that desire only grows stronger. whenever he’s out with you on dates (what he likes to call them) he can’t help but imagine your how your lips would feel like on his cock while you suck on your ice cream bar. you probably don’t even know what you’re doing. 

🌸the more time he spends with you, the more it grows on him. the carnal desire to pin you down and defile your innocent, helpless self. 

🌸he wants you all to himself, he asks you if you trust him and, come on, you obviously do, he’s the pro-hero grand after all! how could you not? that’s how he lures you in. he invites you into his home- it’s you and him, you don’t think much of it even though your friends warn you. you trust Shindo, he’s a great friend!

🌸your mistake. next thing you know is that: you’re in his basement all tied up. 

🌸unlike dabi, shindo discovers about your masochistic side much earlier. he does have any personal issues with hurting you. if you’re being a brat he’ll not hesitate discipline you and bring you to your place.  

🌸the worst part is when he has you bent over his legs, your ass sticking out in the air and his heavy hand comes down to smack it with brutal force: you like it.

🌸you enjoying this catches shindo off guard. he didn’t expect that you enjoyed this of course, he never lets it go. your punishments are always something sexual, he riles you but doesn’t let you cum. you have to beg him to let you cum and he degrades you while you chase your high.

🌸he definitely uses his quirk on you, overstimulating you until you pass out. he probably does not like using toys, his hands could do better but he doesn’t shoving dildos up your holes as punishment so, expect him to buy expensive dildos just for you.

🌸as rewards, shindo asks you what you want. you better tell him otherwise he’ll edge you hours and then leave you hanging.  

Shindo has you bent over his lap, your ass facing him and your hands tied in front of you. Your panties pulled down to your ankles. He rubs your ass as you sniffle, "This is your punishment, Y/N, take it like a good girl, okay?" you cry louder. This was humiliating, you didn't want this. Tears stream down your eyes as you beg him. "Shindo, please, let me go. I- I won't tell anyone."

Shindo clicks his tongue, "There you go. You're started with that bullshit again, huh? Don't you understand? This is where you're safe. Safe from the world here with me."

"No, I am not!"  you yell as you squirm around hips lap. "Y/N," Shindo's voice darkens and you quiet down, "Good. Now don't move around too much and we'll be done quickly."

Shindo lifts his hand high and brings it down to your bottom. Your ass jiggles as Shindo's hand comes in contact with it. A smearing hot pain flows trough your backside and you let out an involuntary moan, you feel yourself getting aroused by this situation as your pussy starts tingling. Shindo freezes, he looks down you and you quiver.

"What's this?" He asks as he rubs your ass, "Did I hear a moan? Of pleasure?" he taunts as he sets down another and you moan harder. "You like this baby?" another slap, embarrassing sounds won't stop leaving your mouth as he continues spanking your ass.

He stops after your skin turns a dark shade of red all the while your pussy drools. Shindo brings his hand down to your pussy and spreads your lips, his finger runs from your clit and plunges into the hole.

"A little pain slut. Didn't expect you out of everyone to be into this."

he pushes his finger inside, knuckles deep, and you out. He keeps thrusting his finger inside you adding a second, his thumb lands on your clit and you feel vibrations spread throughout you- he's using his quirk. You cry out feeling the fire in your belly build-up- you were so close. Moans fall from your mouth and Shindo eagerly drinks them up, "I- I am so close!" you cry out, and just when you thought you'd find your release, Shindo stops. You sigh as you feel yourself clench around nothing, you turn your head back and catch Shindo sucking on his two fingers- which were inside you seconds ago. You blush at the perverted scene. Shindo looks down at you, "What was that dear, Y/N? You did not tell me that you liked it rough?" he asks smirking but you only turn your face away from him. You feel another smack on your back and you squeal. He squeezes your ass, kneading the flesh.

"Tell me what you want and I'll give it to you."  

SHOTO TODOROKI 

🌸He finds it really cute that his beloved,sweet Y/N was longing to be dominated and to be abused,he wasn't the one to deny what the love of his life wanted

🌸knows how to inflict the right amount of pain,admires the way your tears glides a and dampens your cheeks

🌸loves it when you call out is name absoluTELY LOVES LOVES LOVES it when you moan out his name when he burns his name into your skin

🌸Unlike dabi,shoto is a slightly softer yandere,this boi is W H I P P E D,his feelings are so intense for you,he would go through any lengths to be the perfect husband for you

🌸His feelings growing more out of hand when you both started dating,

🌸 he'd learn about your masochistic tendencies,when he's break into visit your house one night after your date. theres nothing wrong with checking up on your beloved

🌸he expected you to be dozing off on your bed.what he didn't expect was you to whine out his name

He bit back a moan at the sight of your naked back facing him"ah fuck,shouto~"your head throwing back a string of dirt words spilling out of your mouth at the erotic scene displaying on the screen of the laptop screen, a woman tied up,being sexually tortured

Your fingers knuckle deep inside you,your breath becoming irregular fantasizing about him.unbeknownst to the monochrome eyes fixated on your fingers moving in and out of you

You almost don't hear your door creaking open in the midst of your haze,and within seconds you were abruptly interrupted from your session as you find yourself pinned under shoto todoroki

You don't even get the chance to react before he pulls you into a hot kiss filled with animalistic desire and lust,you moan as he bites your bottom lip,your tongue darting out over his. He grabs your ankles and opens your legs for him

He grips your wrist and holds them above your head swiftly restraining your hands swiftly together with his belt,his tongue slides into your mouth again as he brings his hand around your neck and pushes you down so that your flat against your bed.his clothed dick grinding against you

He brings his hand onto your neck,squeezing cutting air as his nails digging into the soft flesh

Your eyes darkening with lust as you gaze at him above you

Your nipples hardening at the sudden drop in the temperature of the room

"is this what you want?"grunting in your ear pinching the hardened bud between his fingers,your mouth dropping open as you nod,writhing uncontrollably underneath him

"use your words,beloved"

You swallow dryly,a chocked sob escaping your mouth,finding it hard to speak "sh- shouto please,please fuck me,I want you so badd"

Using his strength to hold your hips down, You tremble as he lines himself up your entrance,he pushes himself in,knocking the air out of your lungs as he fills you up to the hilt walls clenching around his girth

"god,Y/N, you're so fucking tight"

Ruthlessly moving in and out of you making your eyes roll to the back of your head, bucking your hips to meet his thrusts

your wrap legs around his hips, bringing him closer to you

His hand reaches between your thighs and rubbing his fingers over your clit at a rapid pace making you clench tighter around him

He thrusts faster and harder grabbing your throat once again, you mewled  feeling yourself go closer

You came with your toes curled cum dripping onto the sheets beneath you

BAKUGOU KATSUKI 

🌸bakugou is a violent man. yelling at people to “die”, casting explosion anytime he feels like it might come as an surprise but he doesn’t like hurting his s/.o. He does not want to hurt his s/o- he wants to protect them.

🌸he finds you very innocent, treats you like a porcelain doll, always so careful. he is horrible with showing affections- thinking he might hurt you by mistake.

🌸but, when he finds out about his darling being a masochist, he couldn’t stop but get curious. he doesn’t the appeal, he’s always a little hesitant about hurting his darling but he kinda thinks its hot. he’s into it. if sweet little y/n wants it- he’s going to give it to her.

Panic settles down on you as katsuki forces himself between your legs. You shut your eyes, tears falling to your cheeks as pushes himself into you,  "Oi shitty woman, what the fuck is wrong with you!?" your breath hitches at his words. "Why the fuck are you crying? It shouldn't hurt too much. We've done this before!"  

"Katsuki, I don't want to do this!" you cry out and Bakugou growls, "What do you mean?" His large hands come down to your thigh landing a hot smack as he had activated his quirk. Feeling the burning hot pain melting into your body you moan and tighten around him. He stops thrusting into you, his cock still buried till the hilt he looks down at your tear-stained face, his eyes wide in astonishment. He brings down his hand, activating his quirk letting it fall against your in swift fall. You squeak again. He does it again and again and you clench around him every time.

"Are you seriously fucking turned on right now?!" he asks chuckling darkly. His surprised expression subsiding into a cocky grin. His large hands start groping your breasts, taking them in his mouth and biting on it, bruising the skin and drawing blood

"You like it when I hurt you don't you? Filthy woman," he growls at you. You nod desperately, finally giving in.

"Say it." You open your eyes to meet his furious red ones, "Yes, I like being hurt." you whimper and Bakugou laughs wickedly. Watching your pupils dilate and darken with lust as he traces your cheekbones softly before bringing it down harshly, slapping you across your face. You feel the tinge of another slap, your face growing hotter with the increasing severity of each slap.

The sound resonating across the room, he slaps your face a few more times, leaving imprints of his palm heated by his quirk. Hooking a finger under your chin and running his hand over your mouth, pulling at the bottom lip, his brain almost short circuits at the sound of your moans, shamelessly getting off the pain. Forcing his fingers between your lips, prying your jaw open, spitting inside your mouth

His dick twitched at the sight of you drinking it up.

"Fuck, such a kinky little bitch"

He pulls out of you, his thick cock standing tall and proud, the shaft glistening and glowing with precum and your slick glistening under the dim lighting of the room, he takes his cock in his hand and guides it to your mouth. 

"What are you waiting for? Suck me off!" he growls. A chocked moan leaves his lips at the feeling of your tongue on the angry red head, tongue tracing the prominent veins on the underside of his shaft.

Grabbing the back of your head, tangling his fingers into your hair and shoving his dick further down your throat. Causing you to gag and tense around him, feeling every texture against your tongue and the roof of your mouth and the back of your throat.  Loss of air making tears well up in your eyes, blurring your vision. His rips rocking faster, his balls slapping against your chin. His eyes devouring the sight of your mouth filled with his dick, mixture of drool and tears dribbling down your lips. Teeth gritting as he reaches his climax, his cum shooting in thick, hot ropes on your face. Bakugou smears the cum all over your face and breasts, smirking while he looks down, "Fuck, look at you-" he beginnings. You take in deep breaths, exhaling from your mouth you whisper "Katsuki, please.." the burning in your south becomes unbearable but he doesn't do a thing. Annoyed, you snake your hands down towards your drooling cunt but Bakugou slaps your hand away.

"You don't get to cum yet." He barks. His hands touch your cheek and you flinch thinking he'll slap you again but he caresses it gently.

"You're in for a long night, baby." 

[dingdongitsbees]

“Gojo has a girlfriend!?” | Gojo x Reader Oneshot (Fluff)

Synopsis:  Yuuji has just overheard a phone call with Gojo and this seemingly mysterious woman who's coming to visit. He brings the news to the other students, adamant that their teacher has a girlfriend much to the disbelief of Maki, especially when the possibility of the girlfriend being you arises.

Ao3 Link

WC: 2.6k TW: mentions of death/murder Just send an ask to be added to Gojo the taglist! (specify if you don’t want angst etc)

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Guys, guys! Gojo has a girlfriend!” Yuuji announced, slamming the door open to the classroom.

“I refuse to believe that,” Nobara said rolling her eyes. “He couldn’t get a girlfriend even if he had the most romantic script in front of him.”

“I second that,” Maki said, not even looking up from her phone.

“Tuna, tuna,” Toge agreed.

“He’s not that bad-” Yuuji started.

“He’s an egotistical, immature man child who thinks dick jokes are the height of humour, what women would be attracted to that?” Maki glared.

“Then explain to me why I heard him call someone babe over the phone just now! And why I heard a girl’s laugh!”

“You say that like he doesn’t do that to everyone,” Nobara sighed.

“He said they were coming today anyway!” Yuuji insisted. “And he said “I love you” before he hung up!”

Now that raised eyebrows in the room.

“He… he really said that?” Maki said slowly for Yuuji just to nod enthusiastically in reply. “Then who the hell did he brainwash to be his girlfriend?!”

The group moved out of the classroom to outside as they argued leaving Megumi alone to slurp his noodles who was happy to be forgotten in the conversation since he already knew the answer. Watching the two adults yearn obviously after each other for years still scarred him, but he was happy you were coming today, even if you had the worst taste in men.

“Seriously who the hell is it!” Nobara yelled. “There’s no way its Utahime right?” The group was stood at the top of the stone stairs that led into the school, waiting for the mysterious visitor.

“She’d rather die,” Maki deadpanned.

“Mei Mei?”

“She’d go for someone richer.”

“Yuki?”

“She’s too busy for relationships, let alone with Gojo.”

“Shoko?”

“We would have noticed that by now.”

“A civilian?” Yuuji suggested.

“Like there’s any way he could explain the jujutsu world to a civilian without making it look like he was insane.”

Panda hummed from behind them. “(y/n)?”

Maki went still. “How dare you taint her name like that.”

Yuuji and Nobara looked to each other. “(y/n)?” they said in sync.

“She’s one of the only other special grade sorcerers,” Panda explained. “She was in Shoko and Gojo’s grade in school. She’s Gojo’s best friend.”

Yuuji and Nobara’s eyes widened.

“He has friends?” Nobara asked with a bit too much genuine shock.

“Somehow,” Maki spoke solemnly, pushing up her glasses. “But (y/n) is too cool to ever do that!” She looked to the sky with her outstretched hand dramatically. “I would never idolise and want to follow in the footsteps of someone if they were that foolish!”

“Bonito flakes!”

Nobara mouthed a ‘woah’ at Maki’s intensity, never seeing her look up to someone with so much passion.

A Megumi scratching his neck joined them from behind, now full enough of food to deal with what would soon happen.

“Who do you think it is?” Yuuji asked him.

Megumi sighed. “It’s-”

Panda whipped his head up, ears twitching, everyone falling silent. They strained their human ears and soon heard footsteps on the gravel coming towards them. Without warning a stick came hurtling at Maki’s head with deadly accuracy who froze before quickly cutting it in half, the pieces gliding past her head before the others could even blink.

“You’ve certainly improved Maki!” A happy voice spoke. Soon they saw a small woman with hands in pockets walking up the stone steps with a grin. “Yo yo yo,” you greeted.

“(y/n)!” Nobara and Yuuji gulped at Maki with, wondering how she would react to the attack. “How was my form? Was it alright?”

“Pretty good, pretty good,” you laughed, “I personally would have just side stepped to dodge it to retain some energy. But if you’re going to counter, I’d suggest putting your front leg a little more forward to help with your balance, but I’m sure you already knew that.” Offering Maki a knowing grin. “You reacted much faster than you did last time though that’s for sure. You’ll definitely have the Zenins kissing your ass in no time.”

Maki nodded sharply with the compliment and Nobara couldn’t help but notice the smile she was trying to keep down to remain in her collected self.

You looked over to Megumi who begrudgingly stepped forward to say hello, but the twitching corners of his mouth said otherwise. You gave him the ritual hair ruffle which he leant down into, knowing you had missed being able to reach down to tiny child Megumi to bother him whenever you wanted, but he still indulged in your methods of affection.

“You keep getting taller what a pain,” you whined.

“It is what happens when children reach puberty,” Megumi deadpanned.

“Beside the point,” you replied with the dismissive wave of a hand. “It’s of personal offense to me.”

You looked over to the other two first years blankly, taking them in, analysing their builds and posture. They gulped nervously under your critical stare. “Ah you two must be nail girl and Sakuna’s vessel, Nobara and Yuuji, right?” You smiled, disarming their defensive walls, nodding. “Nice to meet you! I’ll be coming up here a bit more to help teach now and then so I’ll get to know you two well soon.”

They beamed and you couldn’t help but feel your heart warm at the positivity that still remained in young sorcerers. Too many let their immaturity and childlike wonder, and frankly the happy and fun side of themselves, behind as soon as they realised how the world really was for shamans, you included, but the younger generation always gave you a kick in the gut to force you to remember. An unintended gesture that was greatly appreciated.

“But anyway,” you said, dropping you smile and sighing melodramatically. “Where’s the dipshit?”

“Who-?” Nobara and Yuuji started.

“Over by the track field,” Maki said, the other second years and Megumi pointing with her.

“Coolio,” you acknowledged and stuck your hands back in your pockets and started to walk towards the field before you heard Maki speak.

“Speaking of… Gojo,” she began, “Is it true he has a girlfriend?”

You would have laughed at the question had it not been so shocking to you that the answer wasn’t glaringly obvious. You glanced over to Megumi who had obviously not told them yet, who just looked at you with so much resentment for having indirectly causing what must have been a very long conversation before you arrived.

You looked back to Maki. “He does yeah… why do you ask?”

“Well, we’ve been wondering who it is, is she a sorcerer?”

You nodded.

“Someone we know?”

You nodded again, trying not to let the slowly rising smile read on your face.

“Well…” Maki huffed, “Who is it?”

You raised your fingers to your lips and feigned zipping them closed. “I’ve been sworn to upmost secrecy,” which was just entirely untrue but kept it much more fun.

“But you’re smart I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Maki nodded, absolutely defeated as you waved goodbye and headed to the track.

It didn’t take long to find him, his overwhelming aura hit you before his slender hands covered your eyes from behind. “Guess who!”

“I couldn’t even begin to guess, maybe my ex I still have feelings for, I would probably break up with my boyfriend for him, he’s very annoying.”

“You ass,” he replied taking his hands off which you just laughed at. “Your ex is a fucking asshole.”

“That fact is written across the universe in holy star dust.”

You finally took a good look at him, his stature towering over you as always, but always bringing the feeling of being safe like under a shelter in the rain instead of any kind of looming threat height can give you. You made eye contact through his black blindfold and couldn’t help but wish it was the old days where he wore his glasses so you could see his eyes more clearly, but then again, the old days didn’t only offer happy memories, it was why you were here in the first place.

The gang peered at you two from behind the bushes, watching every excruciating detail they could pick up from the interactions.

“Nothing too out of the normal yet,” Maki breathed, “That’s just ordinary friend things yeah? Yeah?” she questioned Nobara who nodded enthusiastically. Though the younger girl couldn’t help but notice the affection in your look at him, or the way her teacher’s body seemed to soften and let his usually unnoticeable guard down.

You sat down on the large concrete steps together, close enough to feel each other’s warmth. You two looked to the sky and watched as birds passed in a group of four, gliding through the air with no need to need flap their wings.

“How are you?” You asked.

“Straight to the point huh?”

You couldn’t help but smile a little but stayed silent for him to answer.

“I mean, it’s the same as every year isn’t it?”

“We both know that isn’t true.”

The events of last year still haunted you, and Satoru too, even though he was much better at hiding it. The two of you walking up to Suguru’s dying self, his hand clutched on his bleeding stomach as the two of you were just standing in shock, staring at the man that used to be your guys’ best friend. Satoru being the one to do the finishing blow because you were too much of a mess to do it. Gojo Satoru is good at hiding things, but those who knew him well enough knew sometimes the cracks were visible in his perfect façade.

He sighed. “You need to stop being right all the time, it gets frustrating.”

You chuckled and bumped your shoulder into his, internally grinning at his infinity being turned off for you even though it was nothing new. You took the opportunity to rest you head on his shoulder as the two of you looked up into the sky again in silence. Just taking in the slow heartbeat you could hear.

It was a few minutes before it was broken again.

“It feels weird to still feel like celebrating the birthday of a person I don’t know anymore, let alone of a person I killed,” he said honestly. “Like how is the engrained feeling of an arbitrary date that I properly celebrated only three times only mean more to me than it did back then when there’s no way to repeat the happiness of unaware teenagers.”

You hummed quietly, indulging him in his thoughts that you too felt. “I’m sorry I-”

“Don’t.”

“I’m sorry I made you do it,” I said, “He was your best friend.”

“And he was yours too, I wasn’t going to make you put a childhood friend down like a dog.”

You nodded into his shoulder, going quiet. He looked down at you and you couldn’t help yourself but reach up to touch his blindfold. He didn’t resist and sat quietly as you raised it so you could see his eyes. Little, almost microscopic droplets, detailed his under eyelashes. You gave him a small smile which he returned with his own as you brushed his eyes gently. He grabbed your hand delicately and kissed the fingers tips one at a time while you watched with total calm and comfort taking over your body, snuggling closer into the crook of his neck.

The group watched in tight tension as they spied on the scene before them. Maki looked like she was going to rip out the bush, roots and all, with the way she was gripping onto the small branches like a lifeline.

“It was probably just something very personal, and because they are good friends they feel comfortable doing that, yes that’s it. And the “I love you” over the phone must have been a joke or said in a platonic way. Yeah, that’s it.” Maki said, springing off all the close enough to realistic conspiracy theories in her head.

No one had the heart to tell her what was plainly obvious, nor the bones strong enough to deal with her disagreement.

You didn’t need to say it, he already knew, but you said it anyway. “I missed you,” you said quietly, “Going abroad sucks.”

“You really need to look at the sweet shops there and pick up some souvenirs.”

“Sweets don’t numb things for everyone,” you laughed, “Sometimes food can’t replace people.” You grabbed onto his hand and laced it in yours, his huge hand enveloping yours like a little protector.

“Did you get hurt?” he whispered; he knew you were fully capable to come from most missions entirely unscathed, but it didn’t stop the worry. People he cared about going to missions alone had left many scars in varying forms.

“I’m alright, just a few bruises here and there mainly by my own hand, no biggie.”

He nodded, happy with the answer.

He stroked his thumb over the back of your hand, leaning his head onto yours. “I love you,” he whispered, barely loud enough to hear over the subtle wind.

You squeezed his hand. You’d never been good at words, stumbling over what you’re really trying to say without saying it outright, even if you already knew what you were meant to say, especially when it came time for vulnerable things, but Satoru knew that better than anyone. So, you felt his face widen into a smile.

He squeezed your hand back.

He looked down at you again, taking his blindfold off so you could admire the now rarer sight of his eyes. There was no other way to describe his eyes than beautiful. Their blues captivated you like a ship barely staying afloat in a storming ocean, barely surviving, only at the sea’s mercy. Many were terrified of them, they were whispered about among shamans young and old, and to be fair they held power. Power unattainable except for those lucky few that inherited it. But to you it had always felt like it was the eyes that inherited Gojo Satoru. It was Gojo Satoru that really made them powerful along with infinity, no one had ever come close, and it was doubtful anyone ever will, even if he thought he was raising students that he wanted to be better than him. At the very least it was definitely a high bar to beat. But when it was you, and just him, just Satoru, together, it was not the power you yielded to. It was the fact that it was Satoru, the boy and now man you had fallen in love with and who had allowed himself to fall down to fall in love with you. When you looked into the sea of blue that seemed forever changing, the only word you could use to actually describe them was Satoru.

You rose your head to meet with his lips softly, giving him a sweet kiss that made his mouth upturn into a smile. And to be fair half of it was definitely because of the group of students that were losing their minds behind a bush right now, but the other half you happily knew was because of you.

Gojo Satoru may be an egotistical, immature man child who thinks dick jokes are the height of humour sometimes, okay maybe a bit more than sometimes. But he was Gojo Satoru, the most imperfect perfect person you’d ever met, and you would stay by his side until you parted from the world, but you were sure it wouldn’t take long to find him in the next.

.

.

.

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Just send an ask to be added to Gojo the taglist! (specify if you don’t want angst etc)

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[mampysou]

Day 11 of Harringrove April.

Also read on AO3

Some blood and injury detail below and homophobic language.

Hug

He doesn’t know why he followed the noise; you’d think after everything that had happened over the last year in Hawkins he wouldn’t, but here he was chasing after a strange grumbling sound. He couldn’t quite describe it. It sounded human. Just. Whatever or whoever it was sounded in pain, and being the sap he was, he needed to check it out before he could leave with peace of mind.

The back street was dark and damp in the rain, the fat drops bounced out of puddles and dropped from his nose. The noise was getting louder and he tried his best to quiet his feet. His mother always said he sounded like a baby elephant when he moved around and complained loudly, and regularly, that he woke her on his way out to work. He was sure he had to turn one more corner and he would be in sight of whatever was making the noise.

He steeled himself, preparing to run in case he once again came face to face with a monster from a different dimension. Though running wouldn’t do him much good if he did. A sudden need to be armed tore through him as he scanned the floor for anything that could be used as a weapon. He picked up a trash can lid and swing it around a few times. If that hero guy in Dustin’s comics could use a shield to beat people up surely Steve could do the same, right?

He tested its weight and slipped his hand through the handle, gripping it tightly. All his friend would be cursing his name if they knew where he was right now. He had promised them and, in turn, made them promise him that this wasn’t something they would be doing by themselves ever. If there was ever any sign of trouble he should radio immediately and they would come running. Night or day his little pack of nerds would be there.

But for some reason Steve was convinced that this was something he shouldn’t call them for. It’s not that he won’t need them, but he felt like they shouldn’t see what’s coming. It sent a shiver of nerves and apprehension down his spine as he reached the corner. ‘Shield’ up and ready he took the final step towards the unknown.

The last thing he expected to see when he rounded the building was a person scrunched into the smallest ball possible, flithy, wet and bleeding. He didn’t recognise them, but he rushed forwards regardless. He checked the area for anything suspicious, before crouching next to shaking body.

He could see they were male now, no women in Hawkins were built like that. Strong arms wrapped over his head, like he was protecting it, and his knees touched his chest. A feat would have deemed impossible if he hadn’t seen it, due to so incredibly tight blue jeans.

The guy had cuts up his arms and what looked to be handprints wrapped around his wrists. His jeans had tears in them, and grazes in the holes like he had fallen on the pavement. He could see tiny bits of gravel wedged inside the cuts and scrapes, which were crying out to be cleaned.

Steve didn’t touch him at first, seeing how terrified this guy was he didn’t know how he would react. He just spoke to him in quiet but firm terms.

“Hey. How can I help?” he said seeing the whole-body shudder as his voice reached the boys ears. “You're injured and need medical attention; can I drive you to the hospital?”

The guy’s head shot up and Steve tried not to fall back on his arse. Billy Hargrove’s face looked back at him frozen in terror. His blue eyes ringed with red and both eye sockets turning deep shades of purple. His lip was cut and he had another hand print around his neck.

“No fucking hospitals.” He croaked voice not sounding anything like Steve knows it should.

Steve kept calm. It didn’t matter who it was, Billy still needed help and he would give it as best he could. “Right, so can I take you back home?” This reaction was worse. Billy flinched away from him, back hitting the wall, and Steve heard all the air puff out of him.

“Okay so not home either then.” Steve supplied.

Billy, who Steve was sure hadn’t recognised him yet, probably because his eyes were on the way to swelling up, tried to speak again. He coughed twice before he managed, “That ain’t my home no more.” And his head dropped back into his hands.

Steve nodded to himself and came up with his last suggestion, he had assumed that not hospitals meant, no police either because taking someone in in this condition would over lead to them turning up anyway.

“My house then. Its empty, just me home tonight and I have all the stuff I need to help you out.” He watched for any reaction and for a while there was nothing. Just as he was about to give in he caught the barest nod of his head in agreement.

“I am going to help you up, okay?” He reached out to grab Billy somewhere it probably wouldn’t hurt too much, only to be shoved away by tattered fists. Whoever did this to Billy, he obviously fought back. He watched as Billy tried to stand with very little success. Steve gently wrapped his arm around his waist, hoisted Billy’s arms around his shoulders and started the long trudge back to his car.

What felt like an hour later, but was probably only about fifteen minutes, they got back to Steve’s car. Billy went rigid next to him; he internally cursed the blonde must have recognised his car.

“Jesus fuck, of course it’s you, Harrington.” He spluttered around a cough.

“Yeah, yeah, just get in the car so we can get you sorted out, Hargrove.” He complained as he man-handled Billy into the bimmer. “What happened Billy?” he asked as he climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Got beat up moron. What the fuck does it look like?” he grumbled at Steve.

“Hargrove got beat up? Who did you fight a giant?” he asked trying his best to keep the mocking from his voice.

“No, just four guys.”

“Four? Why the hell did they do that?” he asked. How on earth Billy got a single punch in was beyond him. Fighting four people wasn’t like in the movies. They didn’t wait patiently for the first guy to stop hitting you then attack. No, they tended to rush you, hoping to over whelm, which clearly, they managed.

“What did you say to get in this state?” he amended. Billy had a notoriously short fuse; one Steve had been on the receiving end of more than once.

Billy looked so pale. His tan face was much greyer now losing nearly all its usual golden colour. “Was just being me. Didn’t know his friends were waiting. Fucking dick heads.”

“What do you mean being me?” he asked quietly trying not to spook him now he was opening up. He could only imagine he wasn’t entirely sure what he was saying.

“’m usually more careful ya know.” Billy’s words were slurring but he seemed to be on a role. “But he was hot and was flirtin’ so I thought fuck it. Let’s try.” Steve thought he got what Billy was saying but this is Billy Hargrove, he could be, could he? “He tugged me round a corner then his buddies were there and they just went off. Calling me a faggot and stuff.” He groaned. “My head is fucking killing me.”

Steve stayed silent. Just drove towards his house in shock. Billy had just told him he was gay. Or at very least liked to hook up with guys. He wouldn’t judge. He was friends with Robin and he could appreciate a hot looking guy. Rob Lowe and David Bowie were something else. So, yea, no judging here.

He pulled into his drive and Billy was drifting off in his seat. Steve knew this wasn’t great, he needed Billy to stay awake. He had no clue why, just that it was bad news. He slammed the car door shut behind him hoping it would jar Billy awake before he had to get him out of the car.

Luck was on his side for once as Billy stared at him, glassy eyed but at least awake. Heaving Billy into the house was no mean feat, especially as this time he seemed to be putting in little to no effort.

“You weigh a fucking tonne!” Steve complained as he propped Billy against the door.

“s’all muscle baby!” he grinned at Steve, tongue peeking out from behind his bloodied teeth and swaying a bit as he attempted to flex. Steve just held in an eye roll. Of course Billy was flirting, he would always find time to flirt no matter how beaten down he looked.

“Just get in the house Hargrove.” He said pointing in the direction of kitchen. Billy seemed to have regained some semblance of control as his used the wall to help him in the right direction. Steve tried not to cringe as he watched the smear of blood and dirt lengthen down the hall but at least he would have a while to clean it up before anyone else came home again.

He found Billy slumped on the floor, against a cabinet, head once again cradled in his hands. Steve collected what he needed from around his house and returned to crouch down near him again. He laid everything out in between them both and pointed to each one as he was about to use it. He moved slowly, gently and carefully whilst he cleaned and patched up Billy.

Billy just stared at him the entire time. He nodded silently every time Steve asked permission to do something until he finished. He still looked like shit but at least he wasn’t bleeding anymore.

“So...” Steve started, not really knowing where he was going. “Can I get you to go to the cops Billy? Those guys targeted you and that fucking sucks.” Billy was already shaking his head. “But Hopper could help you Billy!” Steve insisted.

“No fucking way. No one would help me, he would probably just add to the bruises. No one helps people like me Harrington.” He snapped, but there was no venom in it. Just aching sadness that Steve felt to his core.

“I did. And I would again.” He stated softly. But quickly he felt anger rising inside him. “You shouldn’t have to go through this shit just because you are... Because you like... Guys!” He was so angry by the end, how could anyone believe they were so alone that no one would help them when they were hurt and broken? Part of Steve screamed that he understood. It could have gone that way for him after Nancy if he hadn’t had Dustin or Robin.

“I’m dirty, Harrington. People don’t like dirty things.” He told him. His shoulders were slumped and he looked down and away from Steve.

Steve surged forward and ignored Billy’s flinch as he did. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled his head in towards his neck. It was a damn awkward hug but eventually Billy relaxed and locked his hands behind Steve’s back. As he held Billy he spoke to him. “You are not alone Billy. Any time you need help you come to me. I will help you. You aren’t dirty.” He hesitated but ploughed on to a confession.

“If you’re dirty then so am I. And so is my best friend. So fuck them and stay where we can help.” A silence hung in the air it was tense as he felt Billy’s hands tighten in his jacket.

“You’re like me?” he asked. His voice muffled by Steve’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I am.” He stated. It was the first time he had admitted it to himself let alone said it out loud.

“Oh.” Not quite what Steve was expecting him to say.

“Yeah, oh.”

Billy lifted his head and looked Steve straight in the eyes and said, “So Harrington, can I take you on a date?”

Hope you liked it!

[firelordzukohere]

Interior Décor

Hello!

When I made this 4 chapters, I initially thought: “Oh 4 weeks? That’s a long time!”

Why didn’t anyone tell me it wasn’t that long!?! I feel like I just started this and I’m already sad it’s over! Please let me know if you want an epilogue or even some cute little one shots. I already have one in my head but I want to know if anyone would even be interested in it. Please let me know!

Finally,

Thank you everyone who read, re-blogged, liked, commented, or messaged me about this story. I haven’t posted a Zuko fanfiction since I was probably 15 years old and the support I received then wasn’t half as much as I have now. You guys are amazing and wonderful and every single notification I got made me smile brightly. I’d seriously get people asking me why I’m smiling at my phone so much. I’m so grateful to each and every one of you for everything, from my whole heart. Thank you so much. 

Please enjoy the last chapter of Interior Décor! I truly, truly hope you like it!

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Zuko X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Aangst(heh), and some implications

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Iroh felt it was time for the Palace to reflect the time of Peace and Love that Zuko promised five years earlier at his coronation. He takes it upon himself to hire an interior decorator to help his nephew out and work together. What he didn’t expect was for Zuko to possibly find his own peace and love in the process.

Chapter 3: Jacquard >> Chapter 4: Trompe l’oeil >> Epilogue

The next morning, (Y/N) woke up to a chasm in her chest the size of the Earth Kingdom. It was as if several Earthbenders decided to practice their bending inside of her and leave a massive chunk missing from within. She already yearned to see Zuko again.

Burying her face further into her pillow she moaned. Why did they have to get along so well? Why couldn't she have just worked with Iroh the whole time instead of the Fire Lord? Didn't he have people who were supposed to handle the menial stuff like her, instead of himself? She never considered the fact that all the advisors that would come up to him throughout the couple of weeks wouldn't really stay around much. They always seemed busy doing other things, leaving the Fire Lord to his own devices. Leaving him to spend his days with her, laughing, talking, comfortable silences, and dancing.

She remembered how it felt being led around the floor by him. The moment was so intimate, so right, and she wanted to dance with him all over again. It was like a cloud carried her around, a warm, attractive cloud.

Another groan escaped her lips before she pulled herself out of bed to go and make some tea. Her aunt was already outside meditating for the morning, so she had to be silent as she set the pot on its stand and bent some fire to warm it up.

The silence was disturbed when there were three knocks on their front door. Her aunt looked over at her, brows furrowed in confusion at who could be here this early in the morning.

(Y/N) walked toward the door and slid it open to reveal a courier holding a large package wrapped in intricate silk.

"(Y/N)?" He asked, and she nodded in confirmation. The man shoved the package into her hand before rushing back to his ostrich horse and riding away. She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment and then balanced the package in one hand, shutting the door with the other.

"Ooh! A gift! From the Fire Lord?" Her aunt gushed walking up behind her to examine the beautiful box. (Y/N)'s face burned before she moved to the counter to unwrap the present. She wasn't sure if she hoped it was from him or not. If it was, that meant her aunt could possibly spread more rumors about her having an affair with the Fire Lord, but if it wasn't she was sure there would be a twinge of sadness that this random encounter wasn't from him.

As she removed the silk, opened the box and lifted what was inside, she gasped. It was a beautiful dress, very obviously Fire Nation red, but golden lace lined the halter neckline, and the bodice was covered in red roses with green leafs. The skirt was massive as she continued to pull it from the box. Once the item was fully out she couldn't help but admire the beauty.

However, she was slightly annoyed. This must have cost him at least a hundred gold pieces. She knew she had told him that her wardrobe did not consist of a dress that would be acceptable for the celebration, but that didn't mean he had to go out and buy her a new one!

"Oooh look! There's sleeves!" Her aunt said next to her pulling out sleeves that were the same gold to match the neckline. "And a note!" She handed (Y/N) the note and looked at her intensely to see who it was from.

(Y/N),

You said you didn't have a gown and that's the reason you wouldn't come tonight. I had my tailors work over time to make you this because I cannot imagine spending this evening celebrating you, without you there. I will not make a big fuss about you, so you can slip in silently and leave whenever you feel, but please come, at least to see how amazed everyone is going to be at the site of your hard work. Please come, for me.

I truly hope to see you tonight.

Zuko

P.S. I know you're probably worried about my tailors, they were not overworked and have been overly compensated for their duties.  

(Y/N)'s face was as red as the gown as her aunt ripped the note from her hands to read it. With a gasp she looked up at her niece and grinned furiously.

"Exactly how close did you get with the Fire Lord during this time? You implied he was in meetings most of your work days." Her tone pointed and (Y/N) frowned. "Dear, this note isn't just a client 'Thank you' this appears to be a subtle declaration."

Grunting angrily, (Y/N) shoved the dress back into the box and snatched the note and the sleeves from her aunt, forcing them inside as well.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going tonight anyway. It's highly unprofessional of me to go to this party especially in a dress the Fire Lord had specifically made for me," she grumbled. "I'll just return the garment tomorrow and explain to him how offensive it is for him to expect to buy my attendance to the celebration." Her voice a low hiss as she pushed passed her aunt and into her bedroom, sliding the door shut angrily.

Sitting on the bed, she stared down at the box in her hands. She wasn't exactly angry at Zuko's gift, but she was angry that now she was put in this position. If she went, her aunt would spread all over town that she and the Fire Lord had more than a professional relationship and if she didn't she would waste the tailors' hard work and possibly hurt Zuko.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

His words rang in her mind as she stared at the golden lace. She honestly only cared what he thought and the fact that he wanted her to go tonight really resonated through her.

Please come, for me.

With a sigh, she placed the box down beside her and dropped her face into the palms of her hands. The internal battle she was dealing with was ripping her apart.

It was easier said than done to ignore what people thought and said about her. If she went tonight, the entire nation's eyes could possibly be watching, scrutinizing her and the Fire Lord.

What was she supposed to do?

Zuko's voice filled her mind once again, "We're supposed to do whatever makes us happy." Why was he always right? He was obviously learning from the notoriously wise Iroh and now passing that wisdom to her.

There was a knock on her door causing her to lift her face from her hands.

"Come in," she mumbled and watched as the door slid to the side and revealed her aunt holding a cup of the tea she had forgotten was brewing.

Sitting down beside her niece, her aunt handed her the cup and then sighed, the deep sound filling the tension stagnant room. While (Y/N) always had a great relationship with her aunt, a strain had formed when her aunt had spread the rumor about her and her first client. She wasn't sure if her aunt ever realized that their bond had weakened slightly, but she tried her best to act as if nothing was wrong.

"I know you know this," her aunt started, "but sometimes I struggle with keeping to myself. I've been alone for a long time. Your uncle died young, your mother and father shut me out after, insisting that I needed to find a new husband or I'd bring shame to the family, and my parents were never really around after your mother and I were married off. Any chance I can, to form a friendship, I take, even if it means hurting the people I love dearly in the process." The older woman frowned as she pat (Y/N)'s knee gently, "I've hurt you with my gossip, and I realize that. I was so excited for your new business and when I thought your first client could also potentially be someone to share your life with, I was happy for you..." trailing off, she couldn't help but sigh again, "but I didn't expect people to take what I had said and turn it into something to harm you. I didn't understand why these women began saying you were a homewrecker when it was common knowledge his wife had already left him. Instead of shutting those rumors down though, I made them worse, and in all honesty, it didn't stop me from creating new ones either."

(Y/N) felt the tears sting the corner of her eyes, begging to be freed from her, to relieve and soothe the pain she was enduring at the memories. They wanted to wash away the sadness. She loved her aunt, but the woman definitely caused a lot of hurt in her life. Even now, as she really did find herself fond of the Fire Lord, she couldn't help but hold back due to the idea that her aunt could spread rumors that would hurt her again. Instead of allowing her pain to show, she gulped down the tea, hoping that it would ease up some of the tension in her body. Once she finished she rested the cup on the bed and stared at her hands, waiting for her aunt to finish whatever she wanted to say.

"I hurt you when I accused you of having anything but a professional relationship with the Fire Lord. I know you're a strong woman who has had to battle many hardships in her life, especially when it comes to love and happiness, and I know I didn't make any of that easier on you even though I was supposed to. For that, I am genuinely sorry." Turning to the box next to her, she lifted the note out and handed it to (Y/N), "I think you should go." The woman whispered and (Y/N)'s head shot up to stare at her aunt. "He clearly cares for you, it's written in this note without even saying it outright. You've been even happier than normal these last couple of weeks whenever you wake up to go see him and when you come home after spending the day with him. I haven't seen that look since you first started your business and you shined at the opportunity to do something you loved. (Y/N) don't let this opportunity of love slip away, even if there is a risk of what people might say. Let them talk about you. As long as you're happy and you've got what you want, let them boil in their own gossip and rumors."

The sob escaped, and (Y/N) shoved her face into her aunt's neck, wrapping her arms around the older woman. Letting her niece cry it out, (Y/N)'s aunt rubbed her back reassuringly and held her tight.

"Thank you," (Y/N) whispered causing her aunt to smile and caress her hair as she pulled back.

"I love you, my dear," the woman smiled, and stood up quickly. "Now, we've got until sunset to get you dolled up and ready for this celebration. When you walk into that room, no one will be able to keep their eyes off of you, especially not that Fire Lord." Her aunt winked before pulling her up and dragging her out of the house toward the shopping district.

Just after sunset, (Y/N) was standing inside her house, dressed in her gown, with her hair curled and flowing around her face, only a small portion was pulled back into a proper bun with golden leaves pinned around it in a circle. She had gotten her makeup done, with golden and maroon hues to accent her dress, and simple gold sandals hidden underneath the dress for easy walking and dancing.

"You look like the queen of the Fire Nation," her aunt gushed as she finished tying the back of her dress. "The poor Fire Lord won't know what hit him when you arrive," she swooned as she came back around to give her niece a final once over. "The party has most likely already begun, so I suggest you get into the carriage now. It's better to arrive fashionably late where everyone will be able to get a good look at you in your grand entrance," she teased.

(Y/N) hugged her aunt and thanked her for everything. She was grateful the woman had talked her into attending the celebration and helped her prepare for it. Their embrace, though only lasting a few moments, seemed to help repair the crack that had been formed for years. When they released, (Y/N) smiled and made her way outside to the carriage they had requested for the evening. A palanquin would have been too expensive, but a carriage was nice, especially since it wasn't too breezy outside to ruin her hair.

After one final wave to her aunt, she was on her way to the Palace, both nervous and excited to see the Fire Lord again.

His eyes darted around, wondering if he'd be able to catch a look at a familiar face with beautiful (Y/E/C) eyes and long (Y/H/C) hair. While he knew that she didn't have to come, he had hoped he had possibly convinced her to with his gift and his note. Though he wanted to spew out in the letter that he didn't want another day to go by without seeing her face, he had to instead be smart about it, in case she didn't return the feelings that swelled within him.

Smiles and hopeful eyes surrounded him as he made his way through the brand new ballroom, filled with diplomats and various other important people that didn't really feel very important to him. Several women had already come up telling him he owed them a dance or two, to which he merely smiled and noncommittally nodded. There was only one person he wanted to dance with tonight and if she wasn't going to be there, he wouldn't step a foot onto that floor without her.

"Ah! Fire Lord Zuko!" A Fire Sage stepped into his path with a bow. "I've been meaning to introduce you to my daughter, Tora," the man gestured to the young woman beside him dressed in a long golden dress with her hair pulled into a tall ponytail. "She's been talking nonstop about this party and the ability to finally dance within the Fire Nation Palace." The Sage chuckled and shoved his daughter toward Zuko.

"It's an honor to meet you Tora," Zuko said, bowing with respect, watching as she flushed but not returning the motion. She giggled and rested her hand on his bicep, squeezing slightly.

"It's my honor, Fire Lord, my father has spoken nothing but good words about you since getting the opportunity to work with you after you took over from your father, shame he didn't turn out to be the man everyone thought he would be." Zuko tensed slightly. No, he turned out to be everything everyone wanted him to be, because the Fire Nation blindly followed his father due to the previous ideals his grandfather and great grandfather had set in their time.

"Yes," Zuko said, already losing interest in the conversation at her words, "it's quite a shame…" he mumbled, looking around to see if anyone could spare him. That's when he spotted a familiar face. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go check on the food for this evening," he rushed away, pulling his arm from her grasp in the process.

Striding up to his hero, Zuko pat his uncle on the back with a grateful smile. Iroh turned to look at him, his face full of roast duck that was being served on a stick.

"Nephew!" Iroh mumbled with his mouth packed, "this party is wonderful! The ballroom is beautiful." Zuko nodded his head, looking around at the glow of the lights from the chandeliers and the ornate imagery of dragons and fire painted into the ceiling. "Speaking of beauty, where is the wonderful creature behind this room? I assumed she'd be here to celebrate with you." The older man said with a wink. Zuko's face flushed for a moment before he took a piece of duck off of Iroh's skewer and shoved it into his own mouth, taking a second to come up with a proper reply to his uncle's very loaded question.

"I've invited her, but she implied that she didn't really like the idea of celebrating herself, she felt it unprofessional," his voice thick with sadness as he thought about her not wanting to be around him. Iroh patted his nephew's face and smiled.

"Don't count your losses yet," he said reassuringly, "she could still come." Zuko nodded his head, hopeful but still disappointed.

He wasn't sure how it happened so quickly. It felt like he went from loathing the idea of someone spending several weeks in his house, going over everything wrong with it, to counting the time until he'd be able to see her again after she had just left for the day. Their bond formed so quickly it didn't seem to be something solid for him to consider, but no matter how hard he tried to banish it from his mind, she just walked right back into his head, perfection and all, telling him that it wasn't that easy to get rid of her. He loved how strong she was but also that she cared so much about him and even his uncle in the small time they knew each other. She was fiery and passionate about her job and he wondered if that would translate the same into a relationship as well… a relationship with a certain head of the Fire Nation.

However, he was worried that he'd never be able to see her again. What if she didn't come tonight? He'd be stuck wondering what would have happened if she had. Would he admit to her his feelings? Would she have returned them? Would they have danced together? Kissed?

Zuko let out a deep sigh and removed himself from his head, turning his attention back on his uncle who seemed to be examining the table of food for something else to enjoy. Shaking his head with an amused grin, Zuko grabbed a slice of ash banana bread and popped it into his mouth, enjoying the warm, sweet taste.

"Sir," his advisor Shuro appeared next to him, "the council would like for you to have a quick word with them in the chambers, it appears there are some rumors of an attack on the Earth Kingdom by Fire Nation rebels," he whispered. Zuko groaned and nodded his head, gesturing for his advisor to lead the way, also grabbing Iroh by the arm and pulling him along.

He wanted this to be a no work event, where he could enjoy himself, his people could enjoy themselves and maybe, just maybe, he could spend the evening with someone he cared about.

As (Y/N) entered the ballroom, she couldn't help but notice several eyes land on her. Scrutinizing  faces from several women and lots of whispering began as she strode into the room, looking around for the Fire Lord himself. She knew she could spot him in a crowd of thousands, so when she didn't see him, she had to assume he wasn't there. Frowning, she made her way quickly to the food table to find something to distract her from the ache in her chest at the fact that he was most likely busy with someone else, whether that be a possible courtship or someone from the council. She picked up a single tea sandwich and nibbled on it, looking around the grand room at all the people. Some were dancing, which made her smile, others were swaying while they talked, a few were laughing and drinking heavily. It was a wonderful atmosphere filled with merriment and joy, something the Fire Nation had been without for the last one hundred years, of their own accord, of course.

Women were dressed in beautiful gowns some Fire Nation colored, others from various Nations like the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, some even differing from the cultures and made up of glorious silks that were every color imaginable. She was definitely grateful for Zuko providing her with the dress, because anything she had remotely close to acceptable would have paled dramatically in comparison.

Munching on her sandwich, she watched as a man strode toward her with a smooth smile on his face. Her heart dropped knowing that this wasn't going to be good, he looked ready to hunt and she didn't feel like being the prey today.

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing over here by yourself?" He asked, flipping his head to the side and flashing a toothy smile at her. Internally groaning, she returned a curve of her lips that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm waiting for someone," she said politely.

"Obviously he's a fool for leaving you alone," the man sidled up to her, reaching behind her to grab a fig and attempting to seductively eat it while staring her in the eye. She let out an unamused giggle, it sounded more like a sigh than a laugh, and shook her head.

"He's just a busy man," she amended, but it didn't help. After finishing his fig, he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

"Let's dance while you wait for him, though I'm not classically trained, I can hold my own," his grip on her fingers was tense but she managed to rip herself from his grasp and frown.

"I'll pass thank you," she replied harshly. Before he could say another word, she stormed away, attempting to look for any relief in sight. That's when she saw an escape and ducked for it, hoping no one noticed as she slipped down the stairs and out into the beautiful garden. The turtle ducks quacked happily in the glow of the moonlight that now lit up the whole garden.

She let out a breath she had apparently been holding in since her departure from the creepy man, and leaned against the large tree in relief. Tonight was not exactly going how she planned. While it may have been her imagination, she wanted to walk into the room, have everyone stop to look at her in awe, and then watch as the Fire Lord shoved his way through the crowed to pull her toward him in front of everyone and kiss her deeply.

Instead she had been scoffed at, hidden in a corner hoping that maybe she could find some peace in food, only to be rudely manhandled by some obviously drunken man who didn't understand she wasn't interested in him. She felt like a fool for thinking that tonight would be magical, like those tales her mother used to read to her when she was young.

Zuko was too busy for her, she should have expected that. He was the Fire Lord for crying out loud, why did she think he would drop everything for her? Maybe it was because he had during the redecoration… or maybe it's because she hoped that his feelings for her were somehow as strong as hers for him.

Again, she was just a fool though, thinking that the Lord of the Fire Nation would actually see anything in her other than a decorator. That's what she had wanted wasn't it? A professional relationship that didn't come with the backlash of rumors and heartache? Why did she feel so empty though at that thought? Why is it, instead of picturing Zuko as her client, she only saw him as her friend, and even potentially more? Why did she even come here tonight?

Zuko was finally free from his meeting, grateful they had found a solution for the possible Earth Kingdom attack. Now he was able to enjoy the night and freely walk around and mingle.

With his gaze once again darting around the room in hopes of seeing her, he realized he was disappointed that she seemed nowhere to be found. At the sight of the Fire Lord back within the party, several women rushed forward, begging him for their dance now. Zuko cringed outwardly and held up his hands assuring the women that he wasn't really the dancing type. He insisted that he needed a bit of air and politely circled around them to escape their yearning eyes.

The Fire Lord made his way to the garden, silently going down the steps, hoping no one had spotted him in his departure. He froze though, when his eyes landed on a familiar figure crouched down next to the pond, petting the turtle ducks with her finger.

"You came…" he breathed out relieved as he walked toward her. Her head turned to look at him and her face lit up. Standing tall, she watched as he strode up next to her, his face bright with a smile. "You…" he paused as his gaze finally examined her. "You look… good," he said awkwardly and then slammed his palm to his face, causing her to giggle.

"Thank you, it's a Fire Nation original," she teased, attempting to let him know she wasn't offended by his lack of words. "You look really nice too, but of course you always do in Fire Nation colors." His face burned at her compliment. Turning toward the party that still went on in the ballroom she smiled, "you sure know how to throw a party, Fire Lord Zuko, everyone really seems to be enjoying themselves."

"Are you?" He asked, curious as she was out here by herself. She looked back to him and nodded her head with the corner of her mouth turned up slightly.

"Yes, I just can't seem to keep myself away from this garden and these little darlings," the woman said, gesturing to the turtle ducks. "Have you gotten some time to relax and have a little fun?"

"Not really, but that's okay, I have a new bedroom I can use to unwind and relax in at night," he winked, finally gaining a bit of confidence to flirt with her. Another laugh escaped her and Zuko's heart swelled at the sound. "(Y/N), I'm really glad you came tonight. All day I dreaded the idea of having this party and not enjoying it with you." At his words, she blushed. "I also don't enjoy the fact that I won't be seeing you everyday anymore and I want to find a way to remedy that." Letting out a harsh laugh, (Y/N) shook her head.

"Trust me Fire Lord Zuko, you won't even remember me after a couple of weeks." Her insecurities rearing their evil head, attempting to shut down the fluttering in her chest.

"No, I'll remember you," he said, stepping toward her. Her eyes met his and he could see the fear within them. "I'd rather not risk that though and just see you as often as I can." His voice was low and husky.

"What would you have me do? Decorate something else? We did most of the Palace, everything I didn't touch was already perfectly fine."

"The Palace is perfect now, thanks to you, but I was thinking you might want to come and see me, not my Ballroom or my Throne room," he teased with a smirk, resting his hand on her cheek. "Maybe we could have lunches and dinners together, or take a trip somewhere, I'd like you to meet my friends and get to know them because I think they'd love you," he paused and took a deep breath, "like I'm beginning to." She sucked in a breath at his declaration. "I'd like the opportunity to spend every spare minute I have with you and laugh with you. I love your laugh so much (Y/N) it makes my entire day. I play it through my head all throughout my meetings, trying to remind myself of it until the next time I get to hear it," obviously a giggle escaped her lips at the sentiment causing a goofy smile to appear on the Fire Lord's face.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked, sounding fearful, "I know we talked about it but what will people say when they see us together?" Shaking her head nervously she wasn't sure what to do, everything he said sounded wonderful but she didn't want him to make a mistake.

"I know what I want, I want what makes me happy, and that's you. Do I make you happy?" He asked, his voice determined.

"Yes more than anything." Her words left her lips in a whisper, "I couldn't believe I was falling in love with the Fire Lord until I woke up this morning and felt like someone had taken my heart out and left a hole in it, at the thought we wouldn't be together again."

Zuko grinned before moving his hand to take hers, and resting his other one on her waist. She smiled back at him, aware of what he was trying to do before placing her hand on his shoulder and allowing him to sway her around the grass. Their eyes never left each other's as they danced to the softened music behind them in the ballroom.

"I swore to myself that if I didn't get to dance with you tonight, I wasn't going to dance with anyone else," he replied with a chuckle, rubbing her back with his thumb as he guided her. "You're the only one I want to dance with… other than Aang, but that's a dragon thing," he joked and she laughed again.

He couldn't stop himself, at the sound of her laugh, he dipped his head forward and captured her lips with his, relieved when she reciprocated the action with fervor.

Their swaying stopped but their mouths didn't part as Zuko moved his hands to fully encase her hips and hers slid up to his neck where she pulled him closer, as if it were possible.

When they both separated for air, Zuko let out a smile, before pecking her on the lips once more with affection.

Standing on the platform with a bright grin on his face, Iroh watched as his nephew and (Y/N) returned to their dancing stance and swayed in contentment once more. He was grateful Zuko was finally able to enjoy himself and was happy that it was with someone as wonderful as she was. Behind him, Shuro popped up asking Iroh if he had seen the Fire Lord anywhere, Iroh shook his head and led the man away, ensuring that his nephew got some peace and love.

Master List

Tag List: @royahllty​ @mangoberry43​ @mrskeishasdead​ @taeeemin​ @blushbadger​ @shortmexicangirl​ @fire-lady-livi​ @jujugentle

[yayeetsonny]

Keeping Secrets~USWNT x Baby Reader

Prompt: Team finds out baby r has epilepsy.

Requested by: @khiaraaa-in-spacee​

TW: Depictions of seizures and mentions of them.

Y/N PRO//

My name is Y/N L/N and I have epilepsy. Having epilepsy is hard because a lot of people assume that there is just the one kind, where a person suddenly falls to the ground and experiences uncontrollable muscle movement. While that is a common form that it can take there are several other types. Like mine, I experience Typical absence seizures, this means that when I am experiencing one I stop whatever it was I was doing and it can look like I’m frozen or zoning out, my eyelids flutter quite a bit and my ams jerk slightly sometimes too. When these happen I don’t realize it until it’s over.  Most of the time I have several in a row so when everything is over I tend to be a little confused. 

I try not to let it define my life. I’m also a member of the United States Women’s National soccer team. I’m the youngest player on the squad at 15 and the team is over protective to say the least. They tend to overdue it by a lot when we’re on the field, for example if I go down injured at all they swarm me, asking if I’m okay a million times and calling the medical staff over for the tiniest injuries.. Off the field is much the same, they wake me up at the same time every morning because

“Having a routine is important.” 

Christen has told me this a thousand times, doesn’t mean I like being woken up at 5:30 am everyday, off days included. (That is unless I’m sick, then they make me hate naps) Once I’m up they make me get dressed and they carry me down to the dining hall where all the food is set up. When they first started doing this I protested being carried, citing that I was a big girl and I had two legs that worked perfectly fine but, after a look from Ali and Ashlyn I just let it happen. The veterans of the team also stormed the coaching staff’s office demanding that they find a way to make breakfast available for me (and them) when I wake up. They didn’t do this to be snobby or high maintenance they say its because

“If don’t eat right away in the morning, you get grouchy.” 

I don’t, but they think I do so I just let them have it and eat by 6 everyday. 

I haven’t told the team that I have epilepsy because I don’t want to scare them or freak them out. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything it’s just that I don’t want them to feel like they have to worry about me even more than they already do.

“Hey Y/N! You in there?” Kelley asks appearing out of nowhere.

“What? Oh, sorry what’s up?”

“We just wanted to see if you wanted to go to the coffee shop around the corner with us.” 

She pointed to nearly half the team, including all the vets who were looking at me with concern written all over their faces.

“I think I’ll stay here, thanks anyways.”

“Are you sure? You love that place.” Kelley said frowning.

She was right, I had never turned down going there, especially with her. I wasn’t going to tell her this but I had forgot to take my seizure medicine so I need to stay back to take it before I forgot.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, well, we’ll bring you something back then.” 

“Y/N?” Christen grabbed my hand before I could start walking to the elevators to go back to my room.

“Yeah Chris?”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just wanna make sure. You know, me and the other veterans wouldn’t mind staying with you. We could hang here and watch movies or play board games or if you want we could all lay down and nap together, I know how much you love the “Cuddle puddle” we create.”

“I’m okay, really. Go have fun with the others. I think I’m just gonna go read my book in my room.”

“Okay, see you later.”

She gave me a hug before leaving, I watched as she explained what we talked about to the other vets and I saw several of them turn back to look at me. I shrugged at them before turning on my heel and heading back to my room. 

Once there, I took my medicine out of its hiding place, making sure to take the right dosage I then put it back and make sure it would stay hidden. I had to hide it because the girls always double check my bag before we leave any where we’ve stayed to make sure I have all my stuff. It’s nice sometimes but it also can get a little annoying.

There was a sudden knock at my door making me jump a little. Who could that be? The players who stayed behind were those that loved to nap and or they didn’t like coffee and almost all of them needed to have there alone time so getting a visitor is rare. After looking through the peephole I saw it was my roommate and best friend Morgan.

“Hey Moe! I thought you went with the others?” I said as I let her in.

“I did but I forgot my sunglasses. Have you seen them?”

“Um, I think you left them on the bathroom sink.”

“Oh that’s right! Okay, well got ‘em! See you later.”

“See you.” 

After she left I was able to go back to reading my book, It was pretty peaceful and I had almost made it half way through when I stopped. The book fell out of my hands and onto the floor with a loud thud. 

My eyelids fluttered and my fingers twitched and then just like that it was over. They only last 10-20 seconds, which isn’t long at all but for me it often feels like hours before I am aware of my surroundings again. Okay, there’s one. Am I going to have more?

My medicine has reduced them but it doesn’t stop them completely and some days it doesn’t work at all. I would go to a doctor to fix the prescription but since I can’t drive and the girls don’t know I just leave it be. 

“Oh boy, today is gonna be a long day.” I say to no one but myself before I slowly stand up and go to the sink to splash water on my face. 

We have practice in 45 minutes and I know the girls will want me to be ready a few minutes early. After I take my time changing into my gear and double checking that I do indeed look okay I make my way down to the lobby so that I can get on the bus before everyone else. I choose to sit all the way in the back and put my earbuds in so they know I don’t want to be bothered. But it seems Megan didn’t get the memo because she sits down right next to me and yanks the earbud out of my ear, putting it in her own.

“Hey kid, where you been? We brought back your favorite drink but you weren’t in your room.”

“I’ve been here.” I say shortly

“Okay?”

“Sorry I’m just tired.”

“You should’ve taken a nap before practice Y/N. What have we told you about that?”

“That I get grouchy without one, I know.”

“Do you?” 

“Yes! I’m sorry, okay? I forgot, I’ll take one when we get back.”

“I’ll be having a discussion with Carli, Chris, Alex, and the others about what we can do to help you remember.” She said leaving no room for argument.

Ugh, I hate when they have “Veteran meetings” about me. After they’ve decided something, they sit me down and all crowd around me so that if I get upset, they can comfort me. 98% of the time whatever they tell me isn’t a big deal, like a curfew. I can deal with that or even an early bedtime when I get sick or injured. But I draw the line on some things.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me Y/N.”

“Whatever.”

“Are we gonna have to talk about your attitude too?” 

“No. Sorry.”

“Mhm, what I thought.”

We finally arrived at the training facility we were practicing at this camp before our up coming international friendlies, and I grabbed my stuff and ran off the bus so I wouldn’t have to deal with Megan giving me the look anymore. 

“Y/N! Walk please!” I heard Alex shout from behind me but I ignored her.

Ali PRO//

“Okay is it just me or she acting weird?” I asked, concerned for our youngest teammate 

“Mmm, she’s just in a mood.” Megan said

“Okay, but she knows how we feel about her running anywhere that’s not the field, she’s the clumsiest kid we know. Plus, she always listens to me.” Alex said

She made a good point, she listened to all of us 9 times out of 10, some more than others but still. We all just stood there, letting the young players off first while we continued discussing our kid’s weird behavior.

“Hey guys?” 

“Yeah Ash?”

“What’s this?”

She held up a pill bottle that none of us had seen before. On it in big bold letters, was the name Y/N L/N and it was a medicine called Ethosuximide with the name (Zarontin) in parentheses. What the hell?

“What is that and why does she have it?” Christen asked angrily.

“I don’t know but I’m gonna find out right now.” Ashlyn said as she stomped off the bus.

“Ash, Ash hold on!” 

I stood in front of her trying to get her to stop walking.

“Why?”

“I know you, you aren’t going to let her explain and you’ll jump to conclusions.”

“What’s there to explain Ali? None of us have ever seen her take pills before and we all know she doesn’t have any medical conditions. We made Vlatko give us her file remember?”

“Yes but you should still let her explain.”

Ashyln was growing more upset and I was having a hard time keeping her at bay. As we got closer to the locker room the players who were already on the field or heading out attention was drawn to our argument. 

“Ash, cool it. Young ones in the vicinity.” Alex said referring to the “youngins” as Becky called them.

“I don’t care. I’m talking to her right now.”

There was nothing me, Alex or any of the other veterans could do to stop her from storming into the locker room.

“Y/N Y/M L/N!”

She came over to the front of the room quickly, startled and looking slightly terrified. She had yet to spot the pill bottle Ashyln was holding behind her back.

“Yeah Ash? What’s up?”

“ “What’s up?” she says. What’s up? That’s all you have to say?” Ashlyn had a bite to her tone that made me shiver. She can be mad intimidating when she wants to be. 

“Yes?”

“What’s up Y/N, is this.” 

As soon as she saw what she was holding all the color drained from Y/N’s face and I was afraid  she might faint. 

“Y/N… Sweetie, you’re okay. We’re just a little worried about you.” Chris said stepping forward and blocking her view of Ashlyn’s “Mean face” 

She tried to reach for Y/N but she turned away from her and made a move to leave.

“Uh you know, I really should get out on the field with the others. See you guys out there!”

Alex grabbed her around the waist and held her in her arms tightly so she couldn’t go anywhere. She tried to get her to let go but gave up when she realized Alex was too strong.

“Shhh, deep breaths. You’re okay. It’s just us. It’s okay.” Alex cooed softly in her ear.

I could tell that she was scared and was trying not to let her walls down.

“It-it’s not anything bad I swear!” 

“Really, then what is it?” 

“It’s just… can we just talk about it later? Please.”

“No, what is this and why do you have it?” 

“I- Please just let me go practice.”

“Y/N…”

“I have epilepsy, okay?! There, can I go practice please?”

She freed herself from Alex and ran out onto the field. We all chased after her and Christen tried to catch her but she was saved by the whistle.

“Ladies! Let’s go, stop messing around and get to work!” Dawn yelled, we knew it was directed at us.

After that we had no choice but to let it go and practice. We did the usual, stretching and warm up and then position group training, individual for some and scrimmages to end the session. Were half way through a scrimmage whenI noticed Y/N stop moving. It was like she was frozen, she wasn’t moving except for her arms that were jerking slightly and I could see her eyelids fluttering. She must be having a seizure. I thought. I rushed over to her stopping practice and tried everything to get her to snap out of it. Many of our teammates also tried to no avail and everyone was gathered around her unsure of what to do.

“Okay let’s give her some space.” Ashlyn said

I stayed close in case I had to prevent her from falling and hitting her head or needed to do anything else to help her.

She continued to seize, each one only lasted 10 seconds but she had 5 in a row and when those had stopped she only came to for a few seconds before she started to experience a second wave. In total she was unresponsive for almost a minute and half straight. Christen had put her arms on her shoulders, trying to let her know she was there.

“Y/N, it’s okay. We’re here. You’re okay.”

“What do we do?”

“We just have to let her know we’re here.”

“What’s going on? Is she okay?”

Several of the younger players looked scared and unsure of what to do, so Tobin and Megan took them away from where Y/N was and tried to reassure them she was gonna be okay.

Y/N PRO//

Everything finally started to come back into focus and at this point I had been moved to the ground and I was sitting in Chris’s lap as she held me. When I was fully out of the state I had been in I started to try to push her away, I was disoriented and confused and I didn’t remember what I was doing here.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Y/N you’re safe, it’s okay.” Becky said as I settled down and the rest of the team begin trying to help me.

Chris held me the whole time, cooing in my ear and trying to keep me calm. Everything was super loud and my mind and body had gone into sensory overload trying to come back to practice. When I realized what happened and I was able, I pushed my way out of Christen’s arms, and ran back to the locker room. After that I ignored everyone and their questions about what was going on. I was the first back on the bus and had planned to continue ignoring everyone. The Vets of the team had other ideas however and put an end to it quickly.

“You feeling better little one?”

“Yeah Al, I am.”

“That was really scary.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about babe. But can I ask you something?” Ali said

“Sure, shoot.”

“Did you take your medicine today?”

“Yeah, I did it just doesn’t work well.” I said timidly

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the right dosage, it just doesn’t work well enough most of the time.”

“Why didn’t you get it adjusted?”

“I didn’t want anyone to find out about it.”

“That’s dangerous, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you were scared. We’ll take you to get it adjusted as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.”

When we got back to the hotel I dropped off my stuff and decided to go for a walk. I needed to think about some things, and I knew the girls wanted to have a more in depth talk about what happened but I wasn’t ready. Eventually though I made my way back to the room and when I opened the door my roommate was there to greet me.

“Hey babe! You came back to me!’ Moe said dramatically as I entered our room.

“I’ll always come back to you, baby.” I said jokingly

“You better. My life is so boring without you!”

“I am the life of the party I’ve been told.”

“Ha ha, If anyone is the life of the party its Crystal. Girl can dance.”

“Definitely.”

“Have you talked to the others since we got back?”

“Uhh... no. I’m sorta avoiding them.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“You know that they’ll want to talk to you about it eventually right? I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

I was unsure of what to do because I didn’t really want to talk to them about it but I knew I had to. After another hour of avoiding it, I got up and made my way to Alex’s room. I knocked on the door timidly and waited for it to open.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I just was wondering if I could talk to you all?” I said as I saw almost all the older players in her room.

“Of course.”

We got to talking about what happened and I told them about the condition I had and when it first appeared and all the while Alex held me in her lap, cooing in my ear when I would start to get emotional and the others sat around us doing there best to let me know they were there.

“Why didn’t you just tell us?” Ashlyn asked 

“I was just afraid.”

“You don’t ever have to be afraid to tell us these things. I’m sorry you felt the need to hide it from us.” JJ said.

“I know today was scary for everyone. I think I should tell the whole team everything soon.”

“Are you sure? You shouldn’t feel like you have to, if you’re not ready that’s okay too.”

“I am, it’s okay. Will you guys be there?”

“Of course, always.”

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

I knew that some of them were still a little hurt that I hadn’t told them sooner or they felt bad because they weren’t able to protect me but I knew we would be okay.

we agreed to be more honest with each other going forward and When it came time for me to tell the entire team the older players were there to support me and help me explain everything. They were all super supportive and assured me that they didn’t see me any differently.

After our heart to heart we decided to do some much needed team bonding.

Rose showed me a Tick tok of a bulldog trying to reach a cake that was just out of its reach and failing (or succeeding) spectacularly as it splattered in the floor.

“Wilma would totally do this!” I said laughing at the thought of Rose’s dog doing something similar.

“She totally would but I would give her a hand.” Rose giggled.

Kelley succeeded in putting a cup on her head with only her feet and I was in awe of her flexibility. I attempted to do the same but I failed miserably and pouted as everyone laughed at me.

“Good try kid. You’ll get it eventually.” Kel said.

We ended up playing cup pong (the clean version), Jenga, Sorry, Truth or Dare, and twister. We also tried playing hide and seek through out the hotel but we got in trouble with the managerial staff and almost got the whole team kicked out. Let’s just say that Vlatko was not too pleased… 

Sam, Rose, Sonnett, Lindsey and Mal choreographed a new dance and performed it for everyone. We all watched for over an hour as these knuckleheads tried to get it all down perfectly.

“Oh my god you guys, try again tomorrow when you actually know the dance.” Tobin said exasperated

“No, no we can do this. Right guys?” 

“Yes we can.”

“Oh, definitely.”

“Just give us a minute.”

“We got this.”

We watched on as they tried and failed to prove that they had it, but we all gave them an A+ for effort anyways.

“We would have gotten it, if you guys had just been patient enough.” Sam grumbled.

“We watched for over an hour, you know this team, they can’t sit still forever.” I giggled.

“I guess you’ve got a point.” Sam chuckled.

“Hey! We’re not that bad at sitting still.” Kelley protested.

“Uh, yeah Kel. We are.”

The whole team giggled at that and agreed that together asking us to sit still for long periods was useless.

After that we made pies and cupcakes and they were actually really good, but things took a turn when I decided to smash Ali’s face in a pie. She then chased me down the hall trying to get me back.

“Y/N, get back here!”

“Becky! Save me!”

“No way kid. Not trying to get punched.” She said before she closed her door.

“Traitor!” I yelled as I continued to run from a pissed off Ali Krieger. 

She eventually caught up to me and attacked me with kisses and tickles. I ended up covered head to toe in pie filling after she got hers all over me and then found another one and got revenge.

“Aw man, you got me.” I said as I giggled wildly as she tickled me some more.

“This whole team loves you so much. You know that right?” Alex would later tell me that night as we all snuggled on the two beds in the room I shared with Morgan. 

“Yeah, I know. I love you guys too.” 

They drive me nuts with the constant hovering and weird, silly rules they make me follow but I am so grateful to have them in my life and to have such an amazing group of friends who love and support me no matter what. Me and my 23 best friends are family for life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

//

THE END

If I got anything wrong, I’m so sorry. I did the best research that I could. Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

[snickiebear]

Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤

mittens!!! loml!!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way. 

point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer. 

plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA

also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?

but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO

and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace. 

OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty pleasure....am very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah

(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh. 

but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time. 

there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with. 

its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world. 

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA 

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES

but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!”...do you see my issue? HAHAHA

also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance! 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)! 

but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...

writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.  

ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)

BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh. 

shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr. 

this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH 

anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))

pick my brain!

[kaeyas-beloved]

Prompt: A party at a stranger’s house. A night of barhopping led here and the world had started tilting on its own hours ago. There is a constant tickle on the back of their neck. Their heart beats speed up.

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire // Modern!AU

Pairing/Characters: Isaac Newton x Reader // Mentions of some of the other guys

Summary: Isaac has a moment with his crush and at an all Hallows Eve dorm party of all places.

Warning(s): Couple swear words, alcohol

~

The walls thrummed with the pounding music that played from surrounding stereos, the vibrations against her back strangely comforting. The lights that swirled around the party room mixed and blurred and the world looked and felt like it was tilted to the right. People passed by her, most in pairs or groups of their friends, along with the odd loner, those by themselves and looking for a means of entertainment. 

A little like her.

The night started out mundane, like many previous nights before. She’d leave to return back to her dorm room, work on any class assignments but ultimately receive a text from either Theo, Arthur or both, begging for her to come out for a drink out in the city. She’d refuse but ultimately get roped in, the promise of drinks being on them too much to pass up.

Late in the night, somewhere between shots, endless rants about life and work, plus the boisterous laughs and the three somehow stumbled their way into a nearby party. The usual bar they frequented wasn’t too far from the residential area, so it wasn’t really that difficult to get where they were now. Still, it was a little surprising to be in one loud place and then another of equal volume.

Taking a breath in the smell of humidity and booze filled her nostrils, but maybe that was just her she was smelling. A cold trickle of sweat ran down her neck, the coolness a stark contrast to the heat her skin gave off.

Amongst the mass of bodies she could barely make out her flirt of a friend, Arthur, over on the other side of the room, two women sliding up on either side of him. A ways away from him stood Theo, who also had a girl hanging off his arm, only he didn’t seem to enjoy the attention unlike the recently turned English major student. 

The music might have drowned it out, but (Y/N) couldn’t help but scoff at the familiar happenings. 

(E/C) eyes wandered around listlessly, searching for something that would spark her interest. The drinks table came into view, the thought of alcohol reminding her of the already present headache from all the other drinks she had earlier. 

‘What the hell... why not. I’m already in deep’ 

The trek to the refreshments was a perilous one, (Y/N) having nearly fallen more times than she’d like to admit and she found herself sighing in relief when she finally made it. Filling the cliché red cup (- you’ve seen the movies) of whatever punch caught her attention, she took a hefty sip as her eyes roamed the room some more. That’s when they landed on him. 

A sense of excitement spiked through her as she grabbed and filled yet another cup, striding over to a spot where the lights don’t quite reach and to someone leaning quietly against the wall. He was staring off into the crowd so he didn’t see her walk up, leading him to nearly jump out of his skin when she spoke up.

“Isaac right? From physics?” she asked, and the question as well caught him off guard, eyes wide as he looked behind him then back at her. 

“Are you talking to me?” 

“Who else?” she giggled, passing him the untouched cup she’s been holding. Reluctantly he took it, their fingers brushing and he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. Had it not been for the raging lights perhaps she would have seen him in his flustered state, an event that would end in large scale embarrassment for him.

Isaac knew exactly who the woman that approached him was. She shared only one class with him and sat one seat to the right and two forward, close enough for him to hear her but too far to talk to. He’s watched, in a non-creepy way, how she asks for the more complicated material that’s available and has witnessed how she talks with such passion for science. Out of everyone in that seemingly large, boring lecture hall they shared, she was the only one that matched his love for the subject, maybe even understood it as well as he. 

And in turn the smallest of crushes formed. Rather childish he told himself, but he couldn’t deny wanting to get to know her more, to talk day in and out about anything and everything under the sun regarding their shared subject. 

“You know, I didn’t peg you as the kind to come to parties like these” she stated, leaning against the wall next to him while taking another sip of punch, and Isaac found himself doing the same despite not even remotely liking the stuff.

“My friend dragged me here...” 

“What a coincidence, so did mine”

“So why aren’t you with them?”

“They buggered off the first chance they could. Yet I’m still watching out for them, if I don’t it’ll turn out like last time!'' She laughed, remembering the time that Arthur was left on the curb by a group of women, a shell shocked look accompanied by a scarlet red handprint on his face. Then there was Theo who was so drunk he was on the verge of tears just by his older brother lightly scolding him for drinking so much, a sight she shall remember for the rest of her life.

“So why did you choose to come over to me, you could have done literally anything else yet you chose to see me?” he asked before thinking, briefly wishing to slam his head against the wall. Use your head, she was left alone, she wanted company! But he refrained from acting out the rash action, especially after her response.

“Well, if I’m being honest you looked a little lonely and I... wanted to talk to you...” it was the alcohol talking, she knew that, yet she kept going. Sliding a little closer to him she stares right into his cherry blossom coloured eyes, the lights reflecting off the coloured orbs beautifully. 

“But why? Why me, I’m not that special-” he began again, eyes cast down to his shoes.

“But you are!” she cut him off, “I’ve heard you talk in the halls and while your friends might not understand what you were saying I could. Hell, I’ve seen your notebook, and I think there are things you should bring to the table for people to see! Some of them are genuinely extraordinary!”   

“H-how did you see my notebook?!” he gasped.

“You left it open one day after class and I happened to be passing your seat when I saw it.”

“W-well, that still doesn't change the fact you’re just saying all that because you feel sorry for me!”

“No...” she shook her head, voice barely audible above the blaring music and she leaned in closer, close enough that Isaac could feel the heat radiating off her. 

For her that chill on her back made itself known once more, though it was always there to begin with and the air from passing strangers left a light breeze to pass over any exposed skin, a rush of heat happened through her entire body at the same time. What her drunken self was about to do was exhilarating, something that her sober self could only dream to do.

And as their heart beats picked up in speed, she ushered the words in a sweet, quiet voice, words that would set off a chain of events.

“I said all that because... I like you...smart, kind, cute” she smiled, all the moments these traits came through with him rushing through her mind.

Before Isaac could say anything a warmth emitted from his lips and it took a moment for him to realize that she was kissing him.

Not entirely sure where to put his hands, they hesitantly found a place to rest on her waist as he kissed her back, body pushed against the wall. Had the support not been there he may have fallen from an overload of emotion. 

“(Y/N) where are you- ohoho! Now what do we have here~” the teasing voice of Arthur had her pulling away quicker than either would have liked.

“You have the worst timing ever Arthur you know that?” she glared at him, annoyed that he ruined the moment, yet it was something he paid no mind to as a devilish smirk spread across his face.

“No, I believe I have great timing if I'm able to see this kind of show!” he jested.

“What do you want?” she asked and Arthur composed himself somewhat.

“Theo and I are leaving and he told me to come fetch you else he abandons you here” turning he added something about how she should follow along quickly or that threat will become a reality. Before she left though, there was one thing she had to do.

“Do you want to try this? Us I mean?” Isaac gulped at the question, never in a million years thinking he’d get here of all places. But the rate his heart was racing and the quiver of his body had reminded him that, yes, this is real.

“Sure, can we talk tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow” she nodded, turning and walking away with such ease you’d never know that she had lots to drink that night, or that internally she was screaming at having just proposed a date to the boy she’s liked since the first week of school.

The tingle on each of their lips lasted the whole night, just thinking of the act they shared had a rush of hot and cold shooting through them. 

It seems that weird, unpredictable and mysterious things really do happen on the night of all Hallows Eve.

[uwua3]

first time he kissed a boy.

🍁🥇🍰 settsu banri x hyodo juza

summary: a collection of moments where juza and banri kiss and never speak of it again, until they do

warnings: alcohol, arguments, enemies/rivals, insomnia, internalized homophobia, kissing, mentions of death, nightmares, sexuality crisis

author’s note: firstly, there is no serious nsfw in this song fic! the most you’ll see, as seen in the title, is kissing !! :D i do not sexualize minors even if banri & juza are in university in this piece !!! this is angst with a happy ending :)

word count: 2,522

music: first time he kissed a boy – kadie elder, touch – troye sivan

TROUBLED FACE, HEADPHONES ON

FORGETTING TIME AND PLACE, ALL HE WANTED

“Scared, Hyodo?”

Banri’s touch was wicked—his hold on Juza’s collar was deadly tight, like a king snake’s grip on its victim. His tongue was sharp with words only a man unafraid of hell could speak, and as Banri leaned in closer, Juza questioned how much of this he could have.

“You don’t fucking scare me, Settsu.” Juza cursed, his back rigid against the wall and arms holding himself up in the closet. It was such a small, cramped space; one wrong move and this would be over. Banri laughed meanly, like always. Everything about Banri was so cold, like a double–edged sword that hurt even the wielder. Yet, here Juza was, firmly taking him by the hilt and accepting any injuries.

“Then, kiss me. You won’t—”

When Juza closed the distance and let himself close his eyes, he felt Banri’s breath hitch in his throat. It was such a small, unnoticeable sound, but pride burned at the pit of Juza’s ego knowing he caught the Settsu Banri off guard. Banri quickly adjusted, sitting on his lap and tightening his vile clutch onto his long time rival and sworn enemy.

It was supposed to be nothing more than a drunken dare, a challenge that would never be spoken about again after that awful round of boredly playing seven minutes in heaven with their college friends. But, with the intoxicating liquor upon their lips and the bass bumping in the background as the party went full swing, it felt like more than just two university students messing around in a frat house’s storage closet.

Banri’s devilish smirk tasted of years of unsaid confessions, hidden meanings, and secrets he’d take to the grave. It was something that made Juza realize this wasn’t the first time Banri kissed a boy, he was just the one of many.

When Banri pulled back seconds before the closet door swung open to the cheers of partygoers, Juza swallowed nervously as he felt himself stand up. He felt sober, because that was his first kiss with a boy. Juza’s first kiss was with Banri all because of a stupid dare—and, he liked it.

FEELING STUCK, SET HIM FREE

RUNNING OUT OF LUCK, ON HIS KNEES

It was 3 A.M. when Juza woke up to Banri. Banri, an insomniac who didn’t dare let himself be alone in the middle of the night, was asleep. It was one of the few times Banri was overcome and conquered by his own nightmare monsters, where he either succumbed to the draining force of tiredness or died trying. Tonight was when Banri passed out, unwillingly allowing the darkest crevices of his mind to run rampant and haunt him in the dark.

Banri was muttering something about freedom, a vain concept that others viewed him as the poster boy of, before thrashing in bed, his movements wild and unpredictable. Banri didn’t let himself sleep often because when he did, the worst parts of himself became fueled by nightmare energy. Juza sleepily blinked, pushing himself out of bed to softly walk over to Banri’s side.

A side of the room Juza never dared attempted to trespass until now.

Before Juza could place his hand on Banri’s cheek, Banri immediately yelled and shot up, his breathing uneven and heartbead pounding in his ears. Juza flinched back, not used to such a broken visage of Settsu Banri. Banri made sure that he always come off as an indifferent bastard that got what he wanted. But, now, he was vulnerably himself. The person Banri was most afraid of at night, was himself.

“H–Hyodo, you’re here...” Banri breathed out, attempting to mask the gratefulness and exhaustion weighing down his words. Juza didn’t react at first, simply settling his weight on the bed warily, waiting for any sign to stop. When Juza finally put his hand besides Banri’s, who was slightly shaking, Banri carefully took it, lacing their fingers together.

Banri’s hands were made of irresponsible and childish stories of his past, relentless and unsilenced anger at the rest of the world, and the pain and suffering of someone who burnt out with no purpose a long time ago. These were the calloused, scarred hands of someone dangerous—but, Juza didn’t care tonight.

When Banri turned his head and they were only inches away from each other, when Banri’s half–lidded eyes glanced down at Juza’s lips with no strings attached, when everything that made up Settsu Banri was uncertain, Juza knew he should’ve left. He should’ve never come over to Banri’s bed in the dead of night just to hold his enemy’s hand, just to step over unspoken boundaries from years ago. But, he didn’t move. He didn’t want to.

Banri moved in first this time, his palms sweaty and eyelids fluttering closed with a quiet sigh. When Banri pulled away to drop his forehead on Juza’s shoulder, whispering a quiet “thank you”, Juza didn’t say anything back. Juza slept in Banri’s bed that night, and Banri was gone by morning doing god knows what. Something they’d both regret, for sure.

Juza didn’t ask if Banri was okay from last night’s nightmare, and Banri didn’t bring up how for the first time, he slept for hours without fear.

FIRST TIME HE KISSED A BOY

HE HAD NEVER NEVER KNEW

COVER UP IS WHAT THEY TOLD

FEEL SO COLD

Juza didn’t know if he liked boys. Was it... normal? Why did every adult say boys had to like girls? It didn’t feel right—to see women in a romantic way, he’d never date one. He didn’t recently think this until that one frat party after literally coming out of the closet with his long time rival. Damn, Settsu, always fucking up his head in the most unpredictable ways.

Juza didn’t know why he was questioning if he liked boys. It more came down to whether he liked boys, or he just liked Banri. Settsu Banri, the bane of his existence, who was currently underneath him. Juza never thought he’d see the day Banri would come out on the losing side, but here he was, out of breath but cruel as ever.

Banri claimed Juza was the only person in the whole entire world that could even have a chance at beating his ass. He wasn’t necessarily wrong, but sometimes, it felt like an excuse so Juza could pin him to the ground in victory.

Ever since their second kiss, it suddenly became a casual thing for them to do. To tease each other mercilessly, to initiate intimacy on a wavering grey area, to pull each other close and never let it go. It was all from years of pent up tension that never left them even into college, now they could act on it without defining what their exact relationship was.

Fighting, was one of those previously normal activities that changed in an instant. Banri could’ve easily just swung his legs out to knock Juza over, but he chose not to. Instead, he grinned with his teeth sharp like some sort of tricky predator, letting his wrists be pinned above his head.

“I’ll never lose to you, Settsu.”

“Come on, you know you want to—” Before Banri could finish, he heard the practice room door swing open and Juza was a foot away. Banri sat up and numbly agreed when the Director asked if they were rehearsing a combat scene, to which Juza hurriedly ran with. It wasn’t until the Director left that Banri stood up, facing off with no casual intentions like before.

“What the hell was that, Hyodo?” Banri scoffed, but Juza saw right through it. Settsu Banri was hurt—insulted that he was just some secret Juza kept all to himself. It made Juza feel sick with confusion why he suddenly started giving a fuck about how Banri felt. But, Banri couldn’t know that. So Juza straightened his posture, using his half inch to his advantage and presenting himself angrily.

“Spit it out, Settsu. No one understands anything if all you do is swear.” Juza fought back tooth and nail, but Banri came in swinging, asking the inevitable question that’s been following Juza ever since that party closet challenge.

“Why do you always act like we’re just friends? Are you straight?”

Juza didn’t answer—instead, he looked down at the ground where Banri used to lay. Was it shame that stopped him from responding? Why did Juza feel like he should’nt be into boys? Juza knew there was inherently nothing wrong with guys, but why couldn’t he say it out loud? Banri laughed, but it was so cold that it sliced through Juza’s indecisiveness like a double–edged sword. It was his fault, anyways, he took the hilt early on.

“You—You, you fucking used me?” Banri started off with pure, untamed fury but it trailed off into a moment of weakness. Juza shook his head, eyes wide as he tried to come closer, only for Banri to stumble back immediately with a pointed glare that should’ve killed him on the spot.

“No, no. I didn’t, I swear to god I didn’t. I just don’t know, I’m not ready.” Juza blurted out and the practice room went quiet, with nothing but their labored breathing. Banri took the words in and refused to show any signs of pain, instead crossing his arms and rolling his eyes as if he didn’t care. But, he did, tremendously so.

“Figure it out, goddamn it. I’m not your experiment, Hyodo. I never will be.” Banri finally said and left, leaving whatever undefined relationship they had together. Juza let him go, letting the door slam shut and winced at the sound of someone kicking in a trashcan.

“I like you, Banri...” Juza whispered, his fingertips ghosting over the curve of his lips before forming a fist. Juza didn’t know how hard he punched the wall, but a hole the size of his heart was left in its place.

FIRST TIME HE KISSED A BOY

HE HAD NEVER NEVER LOVED

WALKS ON A CURVY ROAD

FEEL SO COLD

Juza now knew he liked boys in one way or another. Especially one boy named Settsu Banri, an ex (if Juza could call him that) who wouldn’t give him the time of day now. Any walls or defenses Juza managed to take down were rebuilt even stronger, and Banri was not his anymore.

He didn’t know how to tell Banri that he was into him, as way more than enemies and anything else they proclaimed themselves to be, until one motorcycle ride.

“Are you serious? Why do I have to go with him?” Banri complained, emphasizing who his partner for the night was. Juza, unluckily, knew how to ride a motorcycle and all the other seats in the available cars were empty. This meant Juza would have to sit with Banri for over a hour, after avoiding each other for weeks.

As much as Banri was stubborn, Sakyo was terrifying. Relenting, Banri swore underneath his breath and locked eyes with Juza, narrowing them to show he was indeed pissed off about this predicament. Banri’s vivid purple eyes were something that lingered at the back of his mind, and now they were staring him down like he was the worst person in the world. Juza just looked away, his thoughts heavy and all focused on one vengeful boy.

When everyone began preparing for their destination, Juza felt Banri’s arms wrap around his waist and his mind blanked. It had been so long since they last touched each other, that everything within Juza was shutting down. If Banri was made of empty lies, rich boy pretentiousness, and inherent privilege, Juza was made of hardhitting truths, quiet humbleness, and a life of many adversities. How could one boy so opposite of him make him feel so alive? Juza ignored his heart that stuttered at the touch of Banri, and revved the motorcycle engine instead.

Juza looked over his shoulder to check if Banri was wearing his helmet. He wasn’t, but Juza could live with that. Almost on impulse, Juza almost leaned in to sneak a quick kiss before the realization dawned on him: they weren’t each other’s anymore. Whatever that meant to them. So, Juza faced forward and drove off into the night, ready to get this ride to wherever Mankai needed him over with.

As the road curved and the motorcycle’s beams illuminated the street alongside the lamps, Juza exhaled sharply as he felt Banri’s head on his shoulder. It was just the second of what they could’ve had that made Juza park to the side. Banri stirred awake for a moment, the prominent eyebags telling of how little sleep he’s been getting ever since him and Juza called it quits. As Banri opened his mouth, Juza beat him to it.

“I like boys.”

KEEPING BACK THE GHOST INSIDE

LOCKED HIM IN A PACK, ALL HIS LIFE

“I don’t know what I am, but I do know I like boys. I like girls, boys, anyone. I don’t know my sexuality for sure, but I know... I like you.”

Banri took a while before leaning back, examining Juza’s face underneath the flickering street light. It was honest, truthful, and certain, like this was something he knew all along. Sighing, Banri crudely shrugged and revealed his classic Settsu smirk.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Banri ran his hand through his hair tiredly, willing himself to stay awake for this conversation as he hummed something. Juza gripped the handle bars tighter, the anxiety from confessing such a secret loud in his veins. Would anything change? Could they get back to being together? Were they ever together?

“We... You don’t have to tell anyone about this, Hyodo. I just needed to know this wasn’t some fling.” Or a mistake, Banri finished quietly, his words barely audible over the sound of cars driving past them. The tension in Juza’s shoulders bled out as he turned to face Banri with subtle relief. The pressure to come out suddenly became non–existent.

“So, we’re...?” Juza trailed off, unsure on how to define their relationship with one another. Just friends didn’t do what they did, but friends with benefits wasn’t exactly the case. Juza was sure repressed feelings wasn’t apart of any of those subcategories. Banri let his hands rest at the back of the motorcycle, holding himself up as he stared at Juza with a knowing smile.

“I’m all or nothing, you know that.” Banri laughed and Juza didn’t realize how much different it sounded compared to those seven minutes in the closet. Having a boyfriend, that sounded more than okay.

GET LOST, GET LOST, GET LOST

“Scared, Banri?” Juza was so scared but he was willing to take the risk just to be Banri’s.

“You don’t fucking scare me, Juza.” Banri was absolutely scared, that the boy he’s been obsessed with could just go in and break his heart anytime. But, Banri would let him if it meant he was Juza’s.

Juza didn’t remember how many times he’s kissed Banri at this point, but he did it again and again. Juza kissed Banri—and, he liked it.

[orionsangel86]

Hey Everyone,

As you have probably noticed, I have neglected this blog for a long time now. I haven’t been on any fandom related social media at all actually. But I figured since I am currently in a good mindset, I want to write a post just outlining some things which basically boils down to a goodbye letter to Supernatural fandom.

Long rambling post below the cut...

This year (and the last) has just taken it out of me in terms of general negativity online both in fandom and in the real world. At first I got tired of fandom (mostly because Twitter is a cesspool of policing and bullying) and then I got tired of everything else (the world sucks right now, and my mental health basically stopped me from being able to participate in any form of online activism – just because I’m not blogging about something, doesn’t mean I don’t support the cause ya know?). Earlier this year, right around the time of the UK lockdowns, I had surgery and a recovery period in which I spent a lot of time with family, and just reacquainted myself with the real world. I think perhaps the coronavirus pandemic made me realise that long before lockdown began I had already been isolating myself from my real life and diving further and further into an online black hole.

It was years in the making. Supernatural fandom preoccupied my thoughts for such a long period of time it got to the point where every moment of my non working time seemed to be spent either online scrolling my tumblr dash or twitter feed, or reading fanfic or doing something fandom related. I invested so much of myself into this show and fandom that I think I forgot who I was before I was a Supernatural fan completely.

After my wake up call in late 2019, which lead me to break free from an extremely nasty clique, I have tried to re-enter fandom on my own terms, as well as attempt to enjoy the source material and the fandom creations to ignite some new spark of love and interest in the show. Yet as much as I have tried, I have failed to do so.

I was thinking recently about someone I used to follow years ago before I ever created a blog. When I was still just lurking in the tumblr shadows and followed the likes of Mittens, Lizbob, and other meta writers of the period, there was a blogger whose name I can’t remember but she was the funniest blogger I had come across. But when the show killed off Charlie Bradbury, she quit. I had never even interacted with her, as I was barely getting my blog started at the time, but I’ll never forget a post she wrote about her feelings on the show. She had recently started watching something else (I think it was Sense8 but can’t recall entirely), and that this new show had given her everything she had never thought she could have from her fave before. She wrote about how her relationship with Supernatural had become abusive. That for years the writers of Supernatural continued to throw punches at fans like her – women, LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, and yet she continued to give it all her time and attention, brushing off the punches because she was so damn devoted to the characters. Then this new show had come along, and it was like she had seen the light. The killing of Charlie Bradbury was the last straw, and she dumped Supernatural’s ass and fled into the arms of her new love.

I hope she is doing fantastically today.

What she wrote has resonated with me for years. I was a fairly new Supernatural fan at the time, and therefore didn’t really understand what she meant. A TV show can’t be abusive. Can it?

Of course, we are speaking in metaphor here, and in no way are these metaphors meant to reduce or limit the truly serious situation of actual abusive relationships, but every now and then, when a new episode of Supernatural has left me feeling upset, disappointed, frustrated and grossly let down, in some cases affecting my mood for days at a time, and therefore my mental health. I have thought back to those words she wrote and quietly agreed with them in my head. Yes. This is a metaphorically abusive relationship.

When I discovered earlier this year that Castiel was most likely going to be killed off in some sort of bullshit self sacrifice before the end of the show, I was extremely distressed. When I found out that my favourite person of all time Misha Collins, supported this ending for Castiel, and may have even been the one who pushed for it, I was more than distressed, I felt betrayed by the person I cared about most. I’ll admit to you all now that in my weakest moments I have fantasized about standing in front of Misha and screaming at him exactly just what kind of affect his “ideal ending” for Castiel will have on his fanbase, on their mental health, and potentially their own safety. This fantasy has me guilt tripping him and doing everything in my power to make him feel utterly shit about the decision. I know what you are thinking – don’t blame Misha, the guy has his own problems and we all know he projects his own self esteem issues onto Cas – and yes, I know this, like I said its only a fantasy to get me through my darkest moments. I don’t hate Misha at all. But perhaps I do love him a little less nowadays than I did back at the height of my fandom life. That’s at least still a little bit more than my feelings for Jensen and Jared which now I can only describe as complete indifference.

I am admitting all of this now knowing full well it will ignite shock and anger among the more die hard fans of J2M, to explain why I need to just leave this fandom completely, or more accurately, why I have already left fandom.

Over the past 10 months of 2020, I have watched a lot of TV (there isn’t much else to do during a lockdown when you are on crutches with your foot in a cast!) and the one thought that occurred to me over and over again was “this show is so much better than Supernatural”.

I kept comparing everything I watched, from the quality of the scripts, the actors, the special effects, to the inclusiveness of the shows. Just so many beautiful and interesting stories that seem to understand their audience, and understand how to entertain and impress without resorting to cringe humour, outdated jokes, and prejudice, not to mention misogyny and queerbaiting – yup, I said it.

The thing is, I think these thoughts have been creeping over me slowly for longer than just this year, but I have been desperately batting them away the way Dean Winchester bats away his own gay thoughts. Unlike Dean though, eventually I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I cannot continue to carve out space in my own soul for this show, which incessantly beats me down regardless of my devotion. The creators, the network, the writers, and sometimes even the cast, have all shown that they don’t care about me as a fan. I’m not some gun toting dudebro living in middle America, so why should they give a damn about me? I’m clearly not their target audience, nor have I ever been.

I know many of you will vehemently deny my personal opinion of Supernatural now. That is absolutely fine. I am sorry to be admitting it, but I had to. I feel like once I finally write out these words, I have got it off my chest and can close and lock the door on Supernatural for good.

Without Supernatural, I am able to focus on my real life, I am able to find pleasure in other things, new things, interesting things, that bring me joy and joy alone – not disappointment and frustration. I found a new job this year, which has been a huge accomplishment as I was stagnating in my old one, and several new hobbies under my belt. I moved to a new flat, I have a lovely flatmate who has been a godsend throughout lockdown, and I have rekindled friendships that I was neglecting due to my Supernatural obsession.

All in all, I am finding post-Supernatural life far more rewarding and content than my life in fandom. It has taken me a while, but I am over the show. And whilst I will always hold a special place in my heart for Castiel, it will be as I know him in my own mind; as the wonderful, strong, powerful and determined angel with a soul, who loves so strongly, and who is worth so much more than his own creators give him credit for. He is up there with Aziraphale and Crowley, with The Doctor, and Buffy, as one of the greatest characters of all time.  

So the Supernatural writers and creators can take whatever ending they have decided upon, and shove it up their asses. I am sorry to say that Sam and Dean Winchester are also lost to me. Any love I had for them was destroyed by their later season depictions. Castiel alone is the only character worthy of that space in my heart now. If in time he longs for a companion, I will find one for him, but it won’t be the Dean Winchester of the canon show. Canon Dean hasn’t been deserving of Cas for a long time now.

Perhaps I am still a little bitter about the ending. Perhaps the finale won’t be the disaster I expect it to be, perhaps Dabb will somehow turn it all around last minute following whatever travesty Bucklemming have given us in 15x19. Either way, I won’t be watching.

So this is me saying goodbye to this blog, at least until I have decided what else to do with it. It certainly won’t be a Supernatural fandom blog anymore. It wasn’t all wasted though. I did get a wonderful friendship group out of this fandom, and I have certainly expanded my knowledge of film and television analysis, as well as having enjoyed a great many memes.

I guess in the end, my internal war with my inner bitter Cas girl finished with her winning, and writing this post. Once it is posted however, I will put her to sleep with thoughts of a happy Castiel, who has swapped his wings for a beating human heart, and is living on a beach somewhere beautiful, refurbishing an old Victorian house, and greeting his kindly elderly neighbours. There’s a gay bar on the main strip, and the bartender is quite a dish. Green eyes and light brown hair with a killer smile. Castiel thinks he looks familiar, like a memory from a past life, but they’ve definitely never met, because this man is kind.

Now that she is asleep, there is nothing left for me here. Goodbye everyone. Whether you manage to enjoy the finale or not, I truly hope you too, find your peace.