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lukehughes43 · 2 years ago

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no time for goodbyes - luke hughes

word count: 4,282

a/n: so this is technically the first installment of the coug!read x luke seeing as I still haven't finished the other fic, or even started the fic that is the beginning of coug!luke. but I was in my feels last night, so please enjoy this heart wrenching fic🫶🏼

the night had started to wind down for everyone in the sophomore house the minute you had gotten back from student teaching. the boys being exhausted from a monday afternoon practice, and you being exhausted from chasing around six-year-olds for eight hours straight. when your five sophomore hockey players walked through the front door a little after four o’clock they found you passed out on the couch, still dressed in your blue and white checkered and a plain white tee. luke was in charge of carrying you up the stairs to your room so mark and eddy’s disaster of cooking dinner wouldn’t wake you from a much-needed rest.

you woke up an hour or so later by lightly shaking you awake. mumbling a soft, “marky and eddy made dinner for us, coug.” to which immediately woke you up based on the fact the last time mark and eddy tried making dinner you almost no longer had a house due a kitchen fire. you stumbled around the practically empty bedroom, minus the boxes stacked up in the corners, before groggily booking it down the stairs to make sure everyone was still alive.

when you ran into the kitchen and dining room area the other four were seated around the dining table in their unofficial seats, smiles on their faces waiting for you to finally join them in order to have one of the last meals together as a found family. after practice tomorrow they were departing to the airport right from yost in order to get on the plane to tampa. meaning that this was it. this was the last meal with all five of them together as once michigan was done so was luke. he was to board a plane straight from tampa to newark and the last two years at michigan would officially be in the books for the youngest hughes brother. leaving you in a house full of four other hockey boys until it was your turn to join luke in jersey after april 28th: graduation day.

“you guys made family dinner,” you smiled as the bittersweet words left your mouth. not yet wanting to believe that this was the end of the cherry on top of your time at michigan. “and you didn’t even burn the house down. i’m so proud of you.”

there was a chorus of laughter that filled your ears before luke pulled your seat out for you. once he pushed you in all the way he took his seat to the left of you, sitting so he was for the last time eating a meal between two of his favorite people - you and dylan. the conversation between bites of the steak, mashed potatoes, and caesar salad was almost nonexistent. everyone in an unspoken agreement to just sit there and soak it all in. of course small talk was eventually made as mackie made you a glass of wine, claiming that it was well deserved even though it was only monday. he knew how hard you were taking everything, you may not have told him directly, but he knew. all of the boys knew. while this was luke’s last week of college hockey, it was also the last week everything would be semi-normal regarding your relationship. the nhl and the demanding schedule an obvious looming fear to both of you.

the conversation died out after hearing how practice went and the six year olds who had crushes on you found out you would be leaving them soon. and soon one by one all of you dismissed yourself from the table. mark being first, trying to get out of dish duty. eddy followed second, taking everyone’s dishes as he went. dylan sprinted away afterwards as if filming a monday questions video. leaving mackie, youself, and luke. you were the next to fall, not wanting to be, but ultimately knowing you had too much to do in order to prepare for missing all of your classes thursday and friday in order to be in tampa. your left hand squeezed luke’s right, as your right hand ran over the discolored wooden table. “‘ve gotta head up, lukey,” you whispered over to him. a sad smile taking over your face while you stared at him as you tried to read the expression on his face. praying his blue eyes would give you a little insight into what he was thinking. he hummed before turning to look at you. “get out of my work clothes, shower,” you then explained. “go through your bags to make sure you have everything.”

the last part earned a laugh from mackie seeing as he had done the same for both mark and eddy. duker being too stubborn not allowing anyone to double check for him. “goodnight y/n/n, see you tomorrow?�� mackie asked with a hopeful smile.

shaking your head you frowned, “i’ve got school.” instantly the rain cloud that had a hold over the room became even heavier at your words. “i won’t see you guys until thursday. i’m in the middle of teaching during the send-off, and since i’m already missing thursday and friday…” you trailed off at the end, not having the heart to speak anymore. too afraid that you would break down in the middle of the dining room if you did.

“i get it,” mackie answered with a sweet smile. “we’ll see you thursday, mom.”

nodding your head you turned your attention back to your boyfriend. “i’ll be up soon, cougy,” he mumbled, eyes meeting your for a split second before he looked back at the table. the use of ‘cougy’ instead of ‘coug’ was what tipped you off to what was going on inside of his head. he was reaching his emotional breaking point.

“okay, lu.” he leaned down and pressed a kiss against the top of his curls before turning to look back at mackie, “night macks. take care of everyone for me until thursday, yeah?” he gave you a final salute and that’s when you started your terk upstairs to the empty bedroom once more. it made your heart heavy to walk into a room that was normally so full of life, reflecting yours and luke’s personalities, packed away into boxes like it had been since the end of the big ten tournament. between preparing for regionals, classes, and student teaching luke and you were busy packing up your lives at the mere fact that his season could’ve ended two weeks ago meaning you had to be prepared in case that was to happen.

you let out a deep sigh and walked into the empty room, slowly closing the door behind you so nobody could hear as your walls came crashing down faster than you could piece them together. the shower was where you choose to break down for the night. already knowing that luke would leave you to yourself once he came into the room since he had showered at yost after practice, and knew you needed this time to decompress. so that’s exactly what you did. you sat under the scolding hot water letting the tears stream down your face as you silently sobbed over your college life that was coming to an end. over this being luke’s last week as a michigan wolverine. at how after his nhl debut you wouldn’t see him again until graduation, something you needed to bring up to him and talk about as the devils would be in the playoffs and there was no way you’d let him miss anything hockey related just to watch you walk across a stage.

when you finally got out of your depression shower, luke was already camped out in your bed. the comforter was pooled around his waist, his bare chest on full display for you. just waiting for you to climb in next to him. “how was your shower, coug?” his voice was tight as he asked the question, and you wondered if this was when it finally happened. if this was the moment luke finally allowed himself to come to terms with the whirlwind of emotions he was currently experiencing.

“it was nice,” you answered honestly. “helped me clear my mind.” right away you knew luke would understand what you were getting about. slightly hoping that he would take it as a subtle hint that he too could confess everything he was going through to you. instead, all you got back from him was a small hum of acknowledgment, eyes downcast on his phone screen. after changing into your pajamas which consisted of luke’s boxers and a worn-out ntdp t-shirt, you crawled into bed next to him. arms immediately wrapping around his torso, head falling against his chest. “i never got around to looking through your bag to make sure you have everything,” you said to break the silence of the room. “i’m not that worried though,” you added on, “i mean everything you needed was the only things you could pack. you just have to remember your chargers in the morning before you go to practice. i can text you in the morning to remind you if you want.”

when luke didn’t answer you thought maybe he had fallen asleep. it wouldn’t have been the first time the worn out hockey player fell asleep while in the middle of a conversation with you. only that wasn’t the case this time. you could feel from underneath its resting place as his heart rate began to increase. his breathing beginning to follow in it’s footsteps. “hey lukey, baby, we gotta sit up. can you sit up for me?” you asked, already knowing what was about to happen. luke was on the verge of a panic attack, everything hitting him all at once. the packed boxes. the final practice at yost is tomorrow. an elc in his future.

“‘m okay,” he choked out between ragged breaths. “just, just stay here. just lay here.” you knew he was referring to you staying situated on his chest, feeling the safest when he had you cuddled up on top of him.

shaking your head you propped yourself up instantly. throwing your legs on either side of his waist in order to straddle his lap. “no, no luke i need you to sit up for me. okay? can you do that for me, baby?” you asked while staring down at him. his eyes were screwed shut, knowing that if he had them open you would be able to see how red and puffy they were. his final moments of sitting at the kitchen table after family dinner ended causing everything to hit him like a freight truck. “luke, i’ve got you,” you whispered, hands cupping his cheeks, “but i need, you have to sit up for me. please.” you were disparately pulling him into a sitting position, letting his head fall against your chest. his arms wrapping around your waist in a bone-crushing hug. “i’ve got you. i have you, lukey. it’s okay. i’m right here. you’re safe. just, just get it out. deep breathes.” your words were muttered into the top of his curls, as you soothingly ran a hand up and down his back. the other laced in the curls at the nape of his neck. “i love you. i’m here. you’re okay. i’ve got you, lukey.”

“i- i, i start playing in the nhl as soon as saturday,” he finally spoke. voice cracking as he did so, his breathing slowly coming back to a normal rhythm. “tomorrow… tomorrow’s my last ever practice at yost. tonight was the last family dinner.” you could feel your own heart breaking all over again at his words. shattering even more so as you knew there was nothing you could say or do to make things better. “our fucking bedroom has been packed up to leave for two weeks!” his hold on you got tighter with each realization. your presence being enough to ground him in this instance for him to get all of his emotions out before it was too late. “cougy, this is it. it’s my final week of college hockey.” it took all the strength in his body to force his head up to look at you. his blue eyes as clear as glass due to the tears that were pouring down his cheeks. “my final week of seeing you every single day until i retire, which will be what? like ten-fifteen years from now?”

you squeezed your eyes shut in order to prevent the tears from slipping out. forehead dipping down to rest against his, “it’ll be okay, lukey. we’re going to make this work. you have to take the good and the bad. that’s what you’ve been telling me since january right?” just barely his forehead moved against yours in a nodding motion. “plus it’s me and you, honey. me and you no matter what.”

“you and me,” he whispered against your lips. you could taste the salt from his tears that were staining his cracked lips with every word he spoke. “but coug, i just. this is it. it’s over. and, and i don’t even get to say goodbye to you tomorrow. you’ll be gone before i wake up, and i won’t see you until thursday. and - and if we lose it’ll be for nothing.”

“it won’t be for nothing, luke warren,” you corrected with a pointed look. “everything you’ve done, everything i’ve chosen to do in order to watch you play this year has not been for nothing, luke. i do it because i love you. because there is nobody out there more proud of you than me,” you confessed with a small smile, “just don’t tell your parents i said that.” your little jab jim and ellen caused a small smile to grace luke’s face as well. “if you lose on thursday, which you’re not going too, then we get on a plane and we go to jersey. you get on the team plane and go to boston, and i’ll fly out with your parents. we’ll be there for you first ever fucking nhl game, and i’ll be there standing and waiting for you. tears streaming down my face just like after you scored your hat trick. you know why?”

he shook his head, “no. why?”

“becuase i love you,” you answered. “because the last three years of my life have been the best years of my life because i’ve spent them loving you. officially i mean. but what you’re feeling right now luke? it’s normal. it’s healthy. it means that we have met some incredible people who we are so lucky to have in our lives. people that are always going to be there for us, no matter what happens in the future.”

he let out a shaky breathe while he let his eyes meet yours once more. “you graduate college in twenty-five days. and then you’re mine. in jersey, and everything will be okay again. i’ll be there to watch you walk across the stage, and then we’re together, never apart again.”

your heart was in your throat at his words, knowing that there was no better time to bring this up than right now. “about graduation, lu, you’re going to be in the playoffs. as much as i want you there, you can’t be if you have something hockey related. especially if you have a game scheduled for it.” the way his arms loosened around your waist is how you knew you struck a nerve within the nineteen-year-old. “i just! having our parents there will be enough for me. and as soon as the ceremony ends we can have a devils watch party at your house! cheering on my favorite boy, and my best friend.”

luke’s face hardened with every passing second. not at all thrilled by what you had said. “i’m not missing your college graduation, y/n,” he grumbled, clearly frustrated by the fact you had suggested such an outrageous thing. “you realize you’re the only one of us whose’s going to graduate college and have a degree, right?” by that you knew he was referring to quinn, jack, himself and you. the four of you being thick as thieves since you grew up next to each other. you and jack have been best friends since your shared birthday, as well as the fact your mothers were best friends. “how could i miss that? miss the love of my life getting her degree that she’s worked her ass off for the past four years to get it? no, absolutely not. i’m coming to graduation on the twenty-eighth. game or no game. end of discussion.”

it was no secret to either of you that you had more to say on the topic, but you knew when luke was set on something he was going to do it so you dropped it. “okay, you’re coming to graduation. but as soon as it’s over we’re getting on the first flight newark, got it?”

“got it, coug,” he agreed with a smile growing on his face. his head dropped back to rest against your chest once more. his tears pooling into the already wet fabric. “do you think i - i mean, do you think we can do it this week. win the natty? push my rookie game back until the eleventh?”

“of course i think you can do it, moosey,” you answered with nothing but certainty. “there’s nothing you guys can’t do. you know that.”

he let out the breath that he was holding in. nuzzling his head further into the cotton fabric that smelled just like you. “i’m sorry i acted like the world was falling apart tonight. it’s just, i never thought we’d actually get to this point,” luke confided in you. “it always seemed so far away, like we’d never actually make it to this day. but now it’s here, and i feel like there’s still so much i haven’t done with the guys. so much i haven’t done with you, coug.”

you dropped your head to rest against his fluffy curls, taking a deep breath in to smell his shampoo and conditioner. “don’t apologize my sweet boy,” you cooed, kissing the top of his head. “i mean i just broke down in the shower before you got in here. it’s okay, i promise you. it’s a little scary, yes, but you have nothing to regret, lukey. you have left such an incredible impact on everyone here and mich, and you’re going to be so fucking missed. fuck, i’m going to miss you those two weeks before i get to see you at graduation.”

“don’t remind me about that,” he groaned, head diving forward so you were now laying on your back and he was on top of you. a squeal left your mouth from the action, cradling his head closer to your chest. “those two weeks are literally going to be hell, cougy. we’ve never been apart for that long before.” humming you ran your hands through his hair. trying to find the right words in order to try and calm his nerves about it. “are you going to be able to survive without me for that long, y/n/n?”

“god no, lukey. how am i supposed to fall asleep in an empty room with you not here to hold me?”

you could feel the frown form on his face through the t-shirt. “i’ll call you every single night. make sure that you get to sleep. no matter how much jack chirps me, i don’t care. and if, you know, the depression gets a little too much in those two weeks, just go climb into bed with duker. or make a bed in mackie’s room.”

a cold shiver ran through your body at the thought of you sleeping in the same bed as dylan. of course, it’s something you’d done before with him being your college best friend. sometimes it was because he needed to comfort of someone other than his boys, someone who would actually listen to what he was feeling and try and help him through it. other times it would be because luke was busy and you were on the verge of crumbling apart. it was in those times dylan would make it a mandate you slept in his room where he could keep an eye on you before luke got home. in fact, you’ve slept in every room of the sophomore house. taking turns making sure your college children weren’t sad or just being there in case they needed the gentle loving that only you could offer them. “ew absolutely not!” you laughed. luke’s head tilting up to look at you with a smile. “i don’t want to step foot in that room. we don’t know what goes on in there anymore. it’s definitely highly unsanitary.”

a chuckle fell past luke’s lips before he rested his head in the crook of your neck. his breath fanning against your skin, lips just barely grazing the skin there. “you could always have him sleep in here.”

you shrugged your shoulders. “i was thinking about just going home,” you mumbled, almost as if you were scared to admit that you wanted to spend the last two weeks of your college career in either yours or luke’s childhood bedroom. “i love the boys, and i love being here. but i just, i feel like it might be better for me to stay at home. i mean i’ll have your parents, my parents. being here just won’t be the same without you, lukey.”

the sudden confession you had just made was pulling on luke’s heartstrings. “would you drive to school and teaching?” you nodded your head ever so slightly, eyes growing heavy with each passing second. the physical and emotional exhaustion finally hitting you once more. “you could always take my car too if you wanted. just so you’re not constantly using your own.”

yawning you smiled, “i was already planning on it, lukey.” your eyes were closed when luke looked back up at you, and he could feel as your breathing began to even out from underneath him. “i love you, luke.”

multiple kisses were pressed against the skin of your neck and jaw, pulling a smile on the corners of your lips. “i love you too, y/n/n. get some sleep, okay, cougy? i’ll be here when you wake up tomorrow.” and with that you drifted off to sleep for the final time in a full sophomore house.

when you woke up in the morning to the sound of your alarm part of you was confused as to how your phone got in the room seeing you don’t remember ever grabbing it off the coffee table after your post-school nap. only to remember that luke thought of everything when it came to you and without a doubt brought it up when he came up from dinner. reluctantly you carefully slid yourself out from under the dead weight that was luke’s sleeping body in order to get ready. grabbing a throw blanket you carefully tucked him in, allowing him the chance to sleep in until his own alarm went off to start his day.

getting ready you were stuck in a whirlwind of emotions as you remembered you wouldn’t see any of the boys until thursday morning, having chosen to surprise them by flying out wednesday night rather than thursday morning like you originally told them all. once dressed and ready to make your way to the elementary school you were student teaching at you sat down at your desk, slipping on your cartier ring luke had gifted you along with the necklace that adorned his favorite nickname. your attention then turned to the post-it note stack, maize yellow of course. grabbing the navy blue pen you had resting beside it you scribbled out two final notes for your boyfriend and the boys you considered your children.

lukey, i love you so incredibly much i’ll see you on thursday. you’re going to do amazing this week, take it all in. text me when your boarding and when you land. i’ll meet you in tampa, moosey. me and you, sweet boy. - coug<3

after writing both notes you stuck luke’s against his phone he had plugged in on his bed side table. running back to press a kiss against his cheek. a smile pulling on his feature even though he was sleeping. “i love you, lukey,” you then whispered into his ear. kissing the top of his head one last time before you carefully slipped out of your bedroom. the next and final stop in the early morning hours of the house was the front door. you were frozen as you stood there waiting to walk out, knowing if you didn’t leave now you would be late to school after running to starbucks. so you forced yourself to put the final note up on the door.

to my hughes wedding bridal party, make sure you have absolutely everything- CHARGERS!!! now that thats out of the way, know that win or lose i’m always going to be proud of you guys. thank you for the past year, there’s nobody else i would want to life willingly with. i’ll see you in tampa! love you guys. - coug… aka mom<3

you stared at the note for a minute longer than what was necessary, tearing beginning to well in your eyes before you forced yourself to open the front door. taking a deep breath you pulled it closed behind you, as well as closing the door on the last four years of life.