#cos if the tories stay in That is exactly what will happen. You will be sent to commit genocide on victims

[tuttle-did-it]

FUCK. THE. TORIES.

They have refused to increase wages whilst forcing the cost of living to skyrocket so high that nearly all of us are counting pennies to pay bills. If we can pay them.

They intentionally and gleefully forced us into a horrible economic (and cultural) depression through Brexit, and not one of them had a single consequence for the constant lies they told to get it passed. This will only get worse.

They have intentionally dismantled the NHS by underfunding it to the point where the NHS staff are all burnt out (having nervous breakdowns, leaving the country for far- better paying jobs or just leaving the field completely) just so they could sell it off to privatised companies worth billions just so they can fill their own pockets. Oh, and the incredible capable staff (medical or support) who were all from Europe have been told they are no longer welcome here and they have returned home because Britain is a cesspool of bigotry and hate

They are dismantling the social care systems for the disabled and elderly, to try to force us back to work even though we are physically and/or mentally incapable of work by stripping away our incomes.

They're doing everything they can to keep us from living by making sure we cannot afford food, housing, utilities, water, and tax.

They are living on taxpayers whilst having millions, even billions in the bank for themselves.

The corrupt politicians fill their bank accounts and buy third and fourth houses across all Europe, another boat— whatever— and they have scandal after scandal with absolutely no consequence, and we can do absolutely nothing.

Their handling of COVID was criminal, and aside from wasting an incredible amount of money, they are responsible for many deaths by not acting fast enough and by forcing people back into the workplace when they knew it was not safe because they wanted to improve the economy they collapsed.

Oh, and don't forget all those lovely parties they had during COVID lockdowns when we were all in our houses and not allowed to see family members who were dying-- or even go to their funerals because of COVID restrictions.

They are intentionally fuelling the hate at queer people-- specifically trans people. This, I assure you, will get so much worse.

They keep sending money from taxpayers over to fund wars in other places-- including genocide-- with no way for us to fight back.

They keep making law after law making it more and more difficult for us to protest against everything they are doing.

Now the Tories expect you to do 12-18 months (+4 reserve years) of mandatory conscripted service in the military so you can go help countries commit war atrocities and genocide. And if you refuse, you are sanctioned. And they are making more and more laws restricting protest and free speech, so if we fight back, we're punished-- criminalised.

Do you understand what is happening right now?

Anyone who can still vote for the Tories after all of this, I have only a deep seeded concern for their sanity, and revulsion at their lack of morals.

FUCK EVERYONE WHO WILL OR HAS EVER VOTED FOR THESE MONSTERS.

FUCK.

THE.

TORIES.

FUCK.

THEM.

ALL.

[uhhhyaenbyjade]

@mimbotomy tagged me in a fun tag game for fanfic writers, so here's my answers!!!!

How many works do you have on AO3? I have 62 total works, and I am so disappointed in a lot of them 😅

What's your total AO3 word count? 339,839 words!

What fandoms do you write for? Lately I've been working a lot on fics with AC: Odyssey, Monsterverse, and VicTORIous. However, I did recently do a fic for Mean Girls (2024) and I used to write a lot for BNHA/MHA, when I was very big on that fandom, but all those fics are really bad and cringe so I try to pretend they don't exist. I also have some batfamily fics, and a few for Dynasty. A few oneshots here and there with that fic being my only work in the fandom. And how could I forget, Horizon!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Confidence - What a Hero Needs - this annoys me so much, it was my first fic, EVER. I wrote it 4 years ago, and it's still my most popular, I've written much better stuff. I've even REWRITTEN THIS ONE AND THE OG IS STILL MORE POPULARR GKHDGHJHWJHK Apects Unknown - or are they? - a fun batfamily and wonderbat based fic off of my own mini-universe. Very cute, and very proud of this fic Perseverance - What a Hero Needs - the immediate follow up to Confidence. Again, I've written a lot better stuff "What? I like hero merch!" - My favorite crack fic I've written. Also BNHA/MHA based, but this was just fun and cute Among (Us) the Villains - yet another BNHA/MHA fic, but this time it's based about Izuku being friends with the LoV. And gaming with them. Made around the time of Among Us, hence the title

Do you respond to comments? I try, especially once I post something new. But honestly, a lot of my responses end up being just hearts or "thank you's" and it personally makes me feel like I'm being disingenuine when i respond with them too much

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I suppose Kumandra's Heart? But that was more sad than angst, I think?

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Pretty Girls, my Mean Girls (2024) fic!!!! I love this one so much, it's one of the few I go back and reread often! Basically a rewrite of the movie to be a lot gayer.

Do you get hate on fics? Oh yeah, there was this one marvel fic I did, and this one commenter was really mad that I wasn't going exactly as canon dictated. Because of course

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have a few fics with smut, and it's mainly kink-based. Definitely love involved too, but very kink-based.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Yes! I enjoy it a lot! My craziest one would probably have to be the one I'm currently writing, combining the Assassin's Creed universe and Legendary's Monsterverse. It's called Ancients Risen Anew, and based on Kassandra joining MONARCH after the G-Day event in 2014!

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge! I made all my fics available only to registered users for the purpose of keeping them as safe as I can while still sharing them.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope! Would love to see it happen though!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope! It sounds interesting to do though!

What's your all time favorite ship? I would have to say Jade West/Tori Vega. The good old classic gay couple from Nickelodeon, as much as we hate how that era of TV was behind the scenes. A close second would probably be Aloy/Seyka, from Horizon. I just love them so much, they're my little blorbos (i think i used that term right :D)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a few, but I'll talk about Cascade for now. It's the marvel fic I mentioned earlier, and I kinda lost all interest in marvel recently. The last media I saw was The Marvels, and I enjoyed it a lot, but I kinda got oversaturated with too much Marvel stuff, and not enough of it was as amazing like Shang-Chi was to make me wanna stay interested. Will definitely watch the stuff I'm interested in though (anything with Kate Bishop and Yelena)

What are your writing strengths? Hmmmm, tough one. I would say lore. I love writing lore and explaining lore. I am also very good at writing outlines.

What are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes. Especially fast paced ones. I love the choreography in movies, but how am I supposed to translate the fast-paced combat into writing in a way that feels natural????

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I have done this for a short story! Please go check it out, its non-fandom related so it didn't get traction, but oh my god i did so much research for it and I love it. It's called Children of Níðhǫggr!

First fandom you wrote for? Boku no Hero Academia / My Hero Academia. Please, end me

Favorite fic you've written? How the fuck am I supposed to choose just one?!??!?! I'll limit myself to five, to keep this short, lol Ink & Sparks - which is my favorite Jade West/Tori Vega fic. I rewrote it several times, and the version linked is the best one I've done. Please check it out, I love it so much! There's More To Life Than Surviving! - Honestly, this one is a contender for top fic. A crack fic, but for Ninjago! Loved it a lot The Titan of the Pearl - A very nice fic I wrote combining the Pirates of the Caribbean and Godzilla. Because I can Kumandra's Heart - A slight ending rewrite of Raya, the Last Dragon, which is my personal favorite Disney Princess movie Pretty Girls - the Mean Girls (2024) fic I mentioned earlier. I love this one so much, and like I said, I keep going back to reread it, that's how much I enjoy it Going to tag @aeide, @hartlesshart, @foibles-fables, and @spectres-n-knights for this! And if anyone else wants to, please go ahead!

[multific]

Yours All Along

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Mention of smut, Angst and Heartbreak

Summary: After a heart-shattering break up, you and Chris are reunited at a mutual friend’s wedding.

A/N: Shout out to @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl​ for helping me finish this and for helping me with a title! Please, check out her blog she has some amazing series!

The day he decided he wanted to break up was one of the worst days of your life.

You knew the reason, a woman.

Although he didn’t say it, you knew. You saw the way he looked at his co-star, she was exactly his type.

At least he had the balls to break up with you instead of going behind your back and cheating on you.

But that didn’t ease the pain. 

You felt like a burnt down house, for weeks you cried and blamed yourself for not being pretty enough, funny enough. All of your insecurities came back to haunt you and you were left alone, in the ashes.

What once was your happy place, now haunted you. The memories, the pictures. He threw away three years for a woman.

You were planning a future, wedding, house, children. But it looked like he had other plans.

You often thought about what would you do if he was to come back. You loved him. Even if he did you dirty, you loved him. But the fact that he could throw away so many years just for another woman, didn’t sit well with you. 

What if you were to have children?

Would he leave them behind as well if another young blonde comes his way?

But there was no point in thinking about this. After all, he left, and you needed to move on as well. 

And just as you were on your way to a new life, it happened, because of course it did, you saw him once again.

It was Tori’s wedding. Tori being both your and Chris’ friend it only made sense for both of you to be there. But for some reason you were still a bit taken aback. All you offered him is a kind smile as he sat a few tables to your left.

He looked good, you thought. Damn, and there you were in a forest green dress trying your best. But you also noticed that he was alone.

You took a sip from your glass, the wine made you cringe as it was too bitter. 

***

Three hours into the wedding and the alcohol started working it’s magic. you danced wit a man who’s name you forgot, but who cares anyway?

You had fun and that’s all that mattered. 

You didn’t even notice Chris’ eyes as they followed you. When you excused yourself to get some fresh air however, you did notice him heading your way. 

And you just knew that he was heading your way. 

And he certainly was. Even if you tried to hide behind a tree, he found you.

“Chris I don’t want to talk.”

“I noticed, you look beautiful. I won’t sugar coat it. I want you back. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. I love you.”

“I love you too. But how can I be with someone who just leaves whenever a new woman looks their way? How could I trust you?”

He didn’t have an answer.

“Did you really just expected me to run back into your arms? I love you, yes. But I won’t go back to a man who just leaves whenever he sees a new shiny toy.”

“Let me prove it to you. One date is all I’m asking for. I will prove to you that I changed.”

“Oh you did. I believe you. The Chris I started dating with, wouldn’t throw away three years for a quick fuck.”

“I didn’t...I couldn’t do it. I was with her and I just...I couldn’t do it because it wasn’t you. I have wanted to speak to you ever since, but I’m ashamed.”

You let out a sigh as you looked back to the venue where people were dancing and eating.

“One date. Now let me get back, I still need to dance with Fred.” you said as you left him standing there.

Chris felt the fire in him light up once again. He wants to prove it to you, he loves you and leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life. As he watched you head back to the others, he was determined. 

***

The next day he texted you. He invited you over to his home for lunch and to talk things out.

He wanted it to be private so his home was the best option. 

Since you stayed in the apartment you two had together, he moved out. As you now know, he bought a house for himself. He sent you the address and judging by that, it was a rather fancy place. 

As you arrived and got out of your car you took a look at the house.

The house was something you always wanted. Something you told him about. A house for the two of you for the future. And now here it was, just like you always imagined. It was perfect.

You knocked on the door and you immediately heard Dodger as he started to bark. You also heard Chris telling him to be quiet. 

“Hi. Thank you for coming.” Chris said as he opened the door, letting Dodger rush out and say hi to you. You of course bent down to give him the well deserved pets.

The evening started off very normal. You had small talk as he served you some food. You felt the tension in the room, but you just waited. Waited for him to bring it up.

You looked out the window and saw that the rain started pouring, setting the mood.

“I was always yours. I loved you for so long and still do. We got together when we were young, you know that you are my first serious girlfriend. I-I guess I wanted to try out something new. Everyone expected us to be married by now and have children and I just...I got scared. The day I left I wasn’t thinking straight. And I regretted it the very moment I left your home. I went over to her place but...I couldn’t. All I could think about is how I betrayed you. I fucked up. I know I did. But I want no one else but you.”

“How can I know you won’t do this again? How can I know that you won’t leave again just to “try something new”. Tell me Chris.”

“You won’t. I’m asking you to trust me one last time. I know what I want, I want you. I want to wake up next to you, smell your shampoo and hold you. I want you for the rest of my life. I want you to be mine and so I can be yours again.”

You needed to breathe. You needed air. This was too much. Your heart was screaming at you one thing then your brain another.

Leave and never see him again or take him back and risk it all?

“I-I need to think.” you said as you stood up and walked to the front door.

“Y/N! Wait!” you didn’t even notice as the rain fell on your hair and skin. You didn’t even notice that you left your bag in the house. Chris grabbed your wrist and turned you around. “Please, I love you.” 

His eyes were pleading, you couldn’t bare the pain in them. You lifted your hand and cupped his cheek as you looked into his eyes. You tried, but you couldn’t look away.

“I love you too.” you said as a reflex, meaning every word. 

He closed the space between your lips and bodies as he kissed you feverishly. 

“Let’s get you in and take a shower before we catch a cold.” he said but you didn’t hear him, all you wanted was to kiss him, hold him, feel him, like you used to.

***

The shower you took was very long, you barely remember what happened, but your body did. You were sore, lips swollen and your body tired, hair still a bit damp as you laid next to him on his bed, both of your turned to each other as he ran his hand up and down your back.

“I promise you, I will never leave you again.” he said as you looked at him, so out of breath, so tired and on the brick of sleep you offered him a smile.

You placed a kiss on his lips before he moved onto his back so you can lay on his chest and sleep. He pulled the blanket up your body and let you rest.

Although that day he made a mistake, he was yours all along.

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[avatarskywalker78]

It’s Six Sentence Sunday again!!!!!!!!!!!! Two extracts this time - the first is from my Angel & Riley friendship fic where Angel doesn’t fight Riley in The Yoko Factor and instead can clearly see the guy’s in a lot of turmoil, though still calls him out when he has to. In this scene, Riley’s run into him, and made the assumption that he’s new to Sunnydale and therefore doesn’t know the danger.

“I’m not,” Angel interrupted him – much as he didn’t want to introduce himself to Buffy’s boyfriend this way there wasn’t any time to dance around things. “My name’s Angel, so you’ve probably heard of me, but I’m not here to stay for long, but I screwed up and I want to try and make amends.”

Something in Riley’s face twisted, and Angel stifled a sigh because that was jealousy, right there, mixed with something else he couldn’t quite identify.

“Funny, cos last I heard you were all peaceable now. You didn’t happen to go and lose that pesky soul, did you?”

“Actually, no, and since you clearly know the story of how that happened last time,” and Angel would bet his unlife that that was Xander’s doing, “you’re accusing your girlfriend of not only cheating on you, but risking the entire world to do so.”

“That’s not—”

“That’s exactly what you just did, Finn.” Angel said.

The second extract is from a 2x10 rewrite (yes, another one), this time featuring an OC - Elaine Barnes, Mike’s daughter, a side OC from my first Mike story I wrote who this time takes centre stage as she breaks up the Sam-Tory fight and unknowingly averts the school brawl.

“You alright?” She asked the other girl, who looked shaken.

“Yeah, I—look out!”

Elaine already knew, turning and blocking Tory’s shot before pushing her backwards.

“That’s enough! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“She kissed my boyfriend!” Tory snarled, aiming a kick which Elaine dodged before grabbing Tory and shoving her against the lockers.

“Then why don’t you aim your anger at the cheating bastard instead of the girl he cheated with?” She demanded, as Tory scowled at her.

[flowerpowell]

The Royal Holiday Romance

PART TWO

A/N: I think I forgot how to write lol. This is my attempt at fluff. I’m not sure if I’ll fit the story I planned in two more chapters, but it’ll definitely be mini series. Still fluffy, still Christmassy and still veryyy Hallmarky. I hope you’ll like it! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: G

Tagging: @twinkleallnight @kingliam-rys @sfb123 @gkittylove99 @texaskitten30 @iaminlovewithtrr @gardeningourmet @delightfullypinkglitter @lodberg @kingliam2019 @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​ 

Victoria looked at the scenery in front of her. She tried to focus on the beauty of nature but she was distracted by something. 

Someone. 

She felt Liam’s eyes on her as if awaiting her reaction. After talking for a little bit more, Liam insisted on taking her to his favorite spot in the forest. It was a little cave, completely covered by mud, now though, completely covered with snow. The cave was surrounded by trees and Liam told her that not many people knew about the cave since it wasn’t visible thanks to the trees around.

“It’s like a fairytale,” she finally said, still aware of Liam’s presence. “Like a forest straight from the Grimms’ fairytales.”

Liam chuckled. “As far as I’m concerned, forests in their stories weren’t exactly safe or beautiful.”

Victoria turned to face him, the corners of her lips slightly raised. “True, but I’ve always found them magical. Just like the fairytales themselves.”

“Ah, yes. The fairy godmother and everything.”

“Actually, no.” Victoria shook her head. “There was no fairy godmother in the original. It’s Hollywood’s creation. In the original, there’s mother cutting their daughters’ feet so the shoe would fit instead.”

Liam’s eyes widened.

“I suppose that’s one less fairytale I’d read to my children,” he chuckled. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah, I read the original fairytales and wasn’t impressed with how Hollywood adapted them. Did you know that in the original Little Mermaid by Andersen, Little Mermaid doesn’t marry the prince? He marries another princess and the Little Mermaid has to kill the prince on his wedding night to be a mermaid again.”

“I… certainly have to read some of these again. I didn’t even realize how brutal these fairytales can be.” Liam admitted. “I assume you weren’t happy with this adaptation either?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I mean, I like how sweet and romantic those Disney versions are but adapting a story and then not sticking to it is kind of a pet peeve of mine.”

“I see.”

“Sorry, it’s silly and I’m talking too much,” Victoria said quickly and turned her attention to the trees. Why couldn’t she stop talking? She just met Liam and started telling him about how bloody original fairytales can be. Great job, Tori. This is how you scare people, not make them interested in you.

“I would say it’s rather fascinating.” Victoria turned to him, surprised as he went on. “As I said, I had no idea about the originals but you made me want to read them.” He smiled at her and she felt her cheeks were blushing. “You must be a pretty harsh critic, huh?”

She let out a hearty laugh but quickly covered her mouth with her hands. “Mhm. Sometimes.” If I were a critic I would be harsh. Probably. Can’t say since I’m not one.

“What’s your favorite movie then? The one you just can’t criticize.”

“Gold Rush. I love the humor and I love how Chaplin showed real issues through comedy. No special effects, no computers, and these black and white, no sound movies are often better than what Hollywood offers us now.”

“Classics. Interesting.” Liam nodded. Victoria opened her mouth to apologize again for talking too much about cinema but Liam was first. “I actually preferred Modern Times. Chaplin showed a true genius there and I loved how he mixed the sound into this silent movie. Although, I must admit, Buster Keaton was master of comedy for me.��

Victoria looked at him, her eyes slightly widened. No one, maybe except for some of her professors and fellow students, heard of Keaton. She believed he was one of the most underrated comedians but anytime she’d talk about him, no one would know who was she referring to.

Liam kept on talking about his favorite movies as they were walking but all Victoria could think of was how oddly comfortable she felt being with him.

~~~~

After, what felt like a minute but was actually two hours, Victoria said goodbye to Liam and raced back to the set. She hoped Hana didn’t wait too long for; she had promised her to eat dinner together. Liam told her he had to join his friends somewhere and the two separated, though a little reluctantly. Victoria was still in awe of Liam but tried not to read too much into it. It was only a nice encounter with a stranger in the Cordonian forest.

“Hana!” Victoria called out as she spotted her friend. Hana was standing with a man that Victoria had never seen before and waved at her when she saw her.

“I was getting worried,” Hana confessed and Victoria felt guilty.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop admiring the beauty of Cordonian landscape.”

“Ah, yes, Cordonia is beautiful,” the man standing next to Hana said and both women turned to him.

“Uhh, I almost forgot. Maxwell, this is my friend and co-star, Tori. And this is Maxwell. He’s the friend of the King and also my future biographer.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to—”

“O M G! I am so happy to meet Hana Lee’s friends! How long have you known Hana? What is she like as a friend? I bet she’s the best. Is Tori your full name?”

“Umm…” Victoria looked at Hana confused but her friend only shrugged.

“Maxwell wants to write a book about me and I couldn’t say no. Literally,” Hana added for only Victoria to hear.

“Nice to meet you, Maxwell. Tori is a nickname only for my friends and my full name is—”

“Brooks!”

“Sorry, I’ll be right back!” Victoria apologized and ran to a crew member that just called her name. Hana nodded in response and Maxwell noted something in his notebook.

“Maxwell! There you are!”

“Liam! I thought you forgot about me. Where have you been?” Maxwell asked as Liam walked up to him and Hana.

“I had… some thing to do. It’s a pleasure to see you again, lady Hana. I hope you’re enjoying your stay in Cordonia.” Liam turned to Hana.

“It’s even more beautiful here than I remembered. I hope I’ll have some time to visit Applewood  again, it must be so pretty this time of the year.”

“Applewood is always pretty.” Liam smiled and Hana laughed. “I’m afraid we should get going. Duty calls.”

“But do we have to?” Maxwell pouted.

“Maxwell, you’ve talked to lady Hana for two hours, let’s give her a break,” Liam said and Hana sent him a grateful smile.

“Fine, fine. It was a pleasure, Hana! I hope to see you again, soon.”

“Likewise.” Hana waved Maxwell goodbye as he and Liam started to walk away.

“Sorry, there was a problem with one of my scenes.” Victoria appeared next to Hana causing the actress to jump. “Where’s Maxwell?”

“He had to go. The King was here.”

“Wait, what? The King of Cordonia was here? While I was sorting out my scenes?” Victoria asked and Hana nodded. “Oh man. Just my luck. I wish I could meet him, too.”

“His friend is writing my biography, I’m sure you’ll have a chance,” Hana chuckled.

“Yeah, about that… How… did that happen?” Hana laughed as she took her friend’s arm to go for a dinner.

~~

“Chapter one would be called The Star in the Womb. I think I could get some ultrasound pictures of Hana because I’m sure she was very photogenic back then as well.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?” Drake put his book down as Maxwell read his notes out loud.

“What? If this is going to be Hana Lee’s first biography, I have to make sure it is perfect. What so you think, Liam?”

“Hmm? Yes, wonderful idea.” Liam didn’t even look at Maxwell, his eyes were glued to his phone, which was a rather rare occurrence. Maxwell looked at Drake triumphantly.

“What?! Did you even hear what Maxwell came up with? He wants to describe Hana Lee’s time in the womb.”

“That’s a good move, indeed.”

“Seriously, what is going on Liam? What are you doing?” Drake tried to take Liam’s phone but he didn’t let him.

“Nothing.”

“Liam. What happened? You’ve been acting weird since yesterday. You’re never that absent-minded.”

“Nothing happened!”

“Uh uh,” Maxwell cut in. “You’re different. Even Drake noticed.

“Hey!”

“Nothing happened,” Liam tried to reassure his friend but they still were looking at him as if he lost his mind. Liam shook his head, resigned, and Drake quickly snatched his phone. His eyes went wide as he saw what Liam was doing.

“Little mermaid? You’re reading little mermaid?”

“What?” Maxwell asked, glancing at Liam’s phone.

“Did you know that Little Mermaid tried to kill the prince when he didn’t marry her?” 

“What?” Drake was confused.

“I need to go for a walk,” Liam said taking his phone from Drake’s hand.

“Wait! Liam, wait! Can we invite Hana to the palace for dinner tonight? I want to talk to her and I’m sure she’d like to talk to you as well.”

“Mhm, sure. You can invite her.”

“Ohh, and let’s invite Tori, she seemed nice!”

“Who’s Tori?” Liam asked as he was putting on his coat.

“Hana’s friend and co-star. We met yesterday, just before you came. I felt good energy from her,” Maxwell explained.

“Hmm, sure, let’s invite them both.” Liam finished putting on his coat and shoes. “Tell the kitchen staff to prepare the dinner and tell Antonio to invite Hana and her friends. Just please, be civil. And no asking for ultrasound!” Liam warned before heading out, completely oblivious to the happy break-dance Maxwell just performed.

~~~~

“Aaaand CUT!” The director’s voice startled Victoria as she was dozing off on a chair, waiting for Hana to finish her scene. “That’s it everybody, we’re done for the day.”

“Finally,” Victoria thought as she yawned. She glanced at her phone and quickly did the math in her head. They were on set for ten hours with only one thirty-minute break.

“Hungry?” Hana appeared next to her, smiling and full of energy as if she wasn’t working for almost a full day.

“You have no idea. Pizza?” Victoria suggested and Hana nodded.

“That sounds—Excuse me for a second.” Hana looked at her friend apologetically as she took out her ringing phone. “Hello?”

Victoria walked away a little to give Hana some privacy. She wondered if Liam went to the forest today as well. Or if he watched any of the films she recommended. To be fair, Liam was all she could think of. She sighed looking at the set in front of her. Even though, she didn’t want to complain about her job, she wanted nothing more than to go to the forest to relax. And maybe meet Liam again. Maybe.

“I have the greatest news and you’ll love it!” Hana was giddy with excitement and Victoria wondered how she was still so alive after such a long day at work.

“The pizza place decided to give us our pizzas for free? Johnny Depp finally got his Oscar?”

Hana shook her head laughing. “No, but close. Prepare your best outfit, we’ve been invited for a dinner with the King.”

-------

[lhs3020b]

Post Mortem

I promised some thoughts on the nightmarish debacle that has happened. Here they are.

TL;DR I am scathing about everything. Everyone who should have helped us, failed.

It's the morning after. They've won. Continuity Remain is dead; there isn't going to be any second referendum and Article 50 won't be revoked. You cannot imagine how I feel right now, typing those words. However, I have never sought to deny reality (however lovely denial might be) and reality is what it is. We've lost a referendum and two general elections; we're finished. There is no come-back from this. The country has made a sick, twisted, greedy, myopic and stupid decision - but that's the decision it's made. I have nothing good to say for what happened, except that it did happen.

Well, let's look at the one tiny silver lining: since the ship has now sailed, I can indulge my deep, seething pool of vitriol for our collection of useless opposition parties. I'd held back previously because I didn't want to add to the circular firing squad. But they've all shot each other now and the corpses have largely stopped twitching. So off we go. (Before we start, I won't be writing about CUK/TiG/Change-UK, because they were just annoying, and I can't be arsed. I think we've all spent enough time on that shower of idiots.)

Here's the core reason for why I'm so angry: all this was completely avoidable. The media will, of course, spin BoJo's victory as a paragonic triumph of political conservatism. Like that infamous Pravda article from the 30s, on the Soviet constitution, they'll fawn over BoJo and declare him a visionary and a victor, a veritable genius of the ages, dripping with lyricism and wit. He isn't. He's an over-promoted buffoon who lucked into the top office due to the self-destruction of his inept predecessor, aided and abetted by a lying and sycophantic media - and, by a collection of opposition parties whose sole interest was in fighting each other.

Here we have the real core problem. The people on our side only switch on for fighting each other. There's little sign that they actually really care about Brexit, or the wider state of the UK. But pursuing partisan vendettas against each other? Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Let's think back to the summer, when BoJo was faced with stalling polls and a hung parliament. He could have been ousted then - but, of course, the Lib Dems were adamant that they couldn't countenance the idea of Mr Corbyn as Prime Minister. They'd had this tendency for a while - it's not new - but it accelerated and was nurtured under Jo Swinson.

When she was elected as leader I was initially a bit sympathetic - it seemed reasonable to give her a chance. Unfortunately, it turned out that she might be the most rightwing leader they've ever had - I actually suspect now that she might be to the right of Clegg. And she went and turbocharged all of their most self-destructive tendencies. I think what she thought she was doing was clawing Tory Remainers off of the Tories. This ran into two problems; 1) there weren't that many Tory Remainers to begin with and b) most of them are more Tory than they are Remain. So they mostly stayed put, and they few who did leave (thank you, to those of you that did) just weren't enough. Meanwhile, the hard-right tilt scared off the Lib Dem's left-leaning supporters.

A while back I predicted they'd lose seats at this election; I'm sad to have been proved right. I am, however, grimly-amused that Swinson herself lost her seat. The other problem with Swinson's rampany anti-Corbynism was that it partially demobilised continuity!Remain. A lot of people sensed that she was more anti-Corbyn than anti-Brexit; that also implied no plausible chance of an anti-Brexit coalition. Hoenstly, given how overt and personal the vitriol between her and Corbyn got, it's hard to see how it could ever have worked. And there's no point voting for something that you know is impossible. I do wonder if maybe this switched some left-leaning people off, or perhaps even sent a few ditherers back to the Tories (under the assumption that any sort of government is better than no government, I suppose).

As for the Lib Dem campaign, it was a mess. At one point their leader went on air to deny killing squirrels (yes, seriously, this actually happened). She got all excited about thermonuclear genocide at one point, because that's not at all weird and creepy, amirite?! Then there was the bizzarity that was "skills wallets" (don't ask - basically, the sort of policy abortion that happens when a collection of wonks are locked in a room with a boxed set of the West Wing and too much cocaine).

[OK, I'll expand this one. Briefly, skills wallets were a weird continuing-adult-education idea, where you'd have a pot of money that you could access at certain ages, apparently to take some kind of training or re-education or something. Why the ages in question, why that amount of money, and why not just make adult-ed free at the point of use, were never really explained. Then there was the can of worms that was additional voluntary contributions - what I took away from this was it was the adult-ed version of pensions auto-enrollment. I spent the last four years fighting a corrupt auto-enrollment fund, so I have strong feelings here!]

As for general themes, really, the LD campaign didn't have one. There was a lot of "Corbyn, THE MONSTER, the monster, Corbyn!". And, kind of oddly, there wasn't actually that much about Brexit. It actually didn't figure very strongly in their campaign. You came away from watching it all with a) a bad taste in your mouth and b) a nagging feeling that these people didn't know what they were doing.

To be fair to them, their vote share did go up, a bit - from 7.4% in 2017 to 11.4% yesterday. Which is, uh, not exactly dizzying. And it seems to have happened in all the wrong places, so they still managed to lose seats overall.

OK, we've gawped at the piss-stained ashes of the old Liberal Party, lying in state where some eggregious family-member has dumped them, on a roadside verge in the middle of nowhere. (Perhaps some enterprising squirrel has buried a nut amongst them.) Let's move onto the other vast, soul-sucking black hole of despair, also know as the Labour and Co-operative Party.

Oh dear god. The Labour Party.

The Labour Party is Britain's perennial second party, and nothing that happened last night challenged its second-place status. Their vote share dropped by 7.8 percentage points on 2017; this is what produced the Tory landslide, essentially. The Tory vote went up a little, by about 1 point, but otherwise stayed largely flat on 2017. This time, though, Labour collapsed. They lost a swathe of seats across the country, including places like Bolsover and Blyth Valley, which were previously rock-solid.

What went wrong? Everything. Basically, the stars aligned against us, in every single way.

First of all, Labour's campaign was dogged by the antisemitism scandal. And you know what? It was bloody well right that it did. The leadership dealt with antisemitism by ... doing nothing. Anyone who tried to raise the issue instead would get "Corbyn outriders" dumping on them on Twitter. Apparently we're suddenly not allowed to be concerned about racism on the Left anymore? Frankly, fuck that.

What they should have done was a quick-and-brutal party purge, perhaps early in 2018, when there was still time. Take some initiative, get control of the narrative again, and get rid of people who are only going to shit all over your campaign. But, uh, no. That didn't happen. I'll note that the Chris Williamson show in particular went on far, far longer than it should have.

Then we come to Brexit itself. Corbyn spent three years equivocating on the issue. OK, I'll allow that in hindsight, perhaps strategic ambiguity made some sense back in 2017 (though note that they still lost that election too). It didn't by 2019. But Corbyn was still trying to stand in the middle of the road as late as the summer - and by doing so inadvertently opened up political space for the (brief) Lib Dem revival, which in turn shunted Labour onto the defensive. And as I believe Paddy Ashdown once said, if you stand in the middle of the road, you get hit by traffic.

Eventually, the Labour leadership reluctantly adopted a second referendum position, but by then the damage was done. Basically, Corbyn had convinced Leavers that he was a Remainer, and Remainers that he was a Leaver. Labour appears to have lost votes about evenly across both Remain/Leave areas(!). In a way, he actually did unite the country - just against him. Ooops.

The rest of Labour's prospectus was a mess this year. Home Office reform was de-emphasized (arbitrary deportation by the Home Office is a huge concern amongst ethnic minorities). Drugs-law reform seems to have fallen off the agenda. There was no obvious theme to the campaign - surprising given that 2017's "For the Many" theme did cut across. Instead the "offer", such as it was, appeared to be a largely-incoherent grab-bag of spending promises, some of them with very large headline numbers. (The £58 billion for the WASPI pensions thing stands out there.) A lot of people simply didn't believe the country could afford it. You don't vote for things that you fear will bankrupt you.

Also, in a way, there's a parallel to the skills wallets thing here. Labour would have been better off, I think, just doing something straightforward like saying, "If elected we'll raise disability, sickness and unemployment benefits by £x per week, and we'll get rid of the ATOS fit-for-work assesments". It would have the advantages of simplicity, clarity and a clear political theme. Instead we got this weird fiscal machine that would produce some of those effects, except via a complicated multi-part kludge (which probably wouldn't even work properly anyway). I don't know how this came about; presumably it was an after-effect of one of the party's unending internal power-struggles.

Corbyn himself is a controversial figure, from his past associations with the IRA (more vague than the press would have you believe, but still a drag on the doorstep) to the perception of socialist extremism. Again, let me note that the "but he's a Communist, because that starts with 'C' too!" stuff is disingenuous, but this perception exists, and the Party have not found any apparent way to challenge it. Honestly? If your candidate is a ship that's holed below the waterline, yes it is horribly-unfair and all the rest of it, but you do need to run someone else. (I see no point softening that punch ; while Corbyn's been leader, the whole UK has voted 4 times, at 2 general elections, 1 referendum and 1 EU Parliament election. Every time, Labour has bombed. It's hard not to see a pattern here.)

Finally, the Labour Party itself has failed to ever re-unite. It's effectively two political parties in one - or possibly three, depending on how you want to look at Momentum. On a fair day with a strong wind, the Parliamentary portion sometimes manages to move just-about-consistently, but nothing else seems to have that behaviour. Honestly I suspect a lot of people's real fear about a Labour government is not that it would be a socialist tyranny, but rather that it would implode within about six months. Labour has lost its way amongst a storm of factional infighting. To be fair to Corbyn, this isn't new. Ed Milliband's desperate tenure was derailed by internal struggles. Even the 1997-2010 period had the ongoing squabbles between Brownites and Blairites (remember them?).

So yeah, Labour's campaign was an absolute shambles this year, and the whole country is suffering now for that.

Lastly, let's have a quick look at the Green Party. Where were they this year? With Extinction Rebellion making headlines, the Amazon burning, Australia on fire and weather records being smashed everywhere - remember that day when we had summer back in February? - it should have been the Greens' year. Environmental concerns are going up in salience - people are starting to get genuinely worried. And, uh, where were they? I can't recall hearing a single peep from the Green Party during the election. Whatever it was they were doing, it seems to have completely failed to capitalise on the moment. Perhaps they should have been a bit more visible.

The only people who come out of this with any credit are the SNP. I haven't heard anything teeth-grinding about them - though, that might just be because I live in southern England.

Oh, and let's take a final kick in the teeth, shall we? If you add up the shares of the votes received by pro-second-referendum parties ... guess what it comes to? Yup: 52%, versus 48% for the pro-Brexit parties. 52/48 - aaaaargh! Yet, the 48% had a narrative that kept their vote all in one place, so they won an absolute majority at Westminster. Ours got scattered to the four winds by several separate inept campaigns and several useless party leaders. Had there been a second referendum, we could have won it. But we never got the chance, because everyone supposedly on our side were completely, perfectly, useless.

Sigh :(

[tawneybel]

Request: “Ravenna disguises herself as William (or as the Huntsman) to have her way with reader/you?” Chris Hemsworth is good but Sam Claflin needs love, too. I couldn’t find entire scene on YouTube so I looked up the script online. Added a minuscule bit of magical mind control, ‘cause why not?

“Walk with me.”

William’s soft voice retrieved you from a pool of worried thoughts. You offered a grateful smile before lifting yourself off your perch. Your feet planted next to his, William returned the smile before starting off into the snowy wood.

“I was just walking with Snow White.”

“Do you wish to return to your tent then?”

You shook your head. “She said, ‘Up here it’s as if nothing’s changed. The world looks beautiful again.’”

“It will be. When you both return to court and she is queen. The people of this kingdom hate Ravenna with their very fiber.”

“Snow White said she only felt sorrow for Ravenna. My feelings are a little more conflicting than that.”

That caught William off guard. You pretended not to notice his nonplussed expression as you took the lead. How could your relationship with the tyrant be described? You exhaled, breath pale. “Gilded cage” might be a good start. Maybe not. He quickened his step and reappeared at your side. Like he was was afraid you would actually leave him behind.

“Maternal figure?”

The hushed question made you stop in your tracks.

“Not quite as… familial as that.” You decided to let William interpret that as he wished. “Ravenna mentioned what a good queen I could be. I figure she wanted me as an heir instead of Snow White.” Something was on your companion’s mind. His lips parted before he pursed them, waiting for you to resume your vague explanation. “I mean, she liked me more than her…”

That was obvious. You didn’t have to state it.

“You would make a glorious queen.” That caught you off guard. “If Snow White wasn’t in line-”

“That’s not the life for me.”

“Oh?”

“I’m too indecisive. I can’t even read my own feelings on Ravenna.” Treason? If that’s what he’s hinting at, William is edg*ng towards dangerous territory. Overthrowing Tabor’s current monarch is difficult enough already. “To me, she was far too kind to hate.”

Your co-conspirator ceased walking. You paused as well, feeling like you two had strolled enough. Admiring the scenery for a brief moment, you decided you wanted to return to camp soon. When you turned to face William again, it was your turn to be caught off guard. Gazing into your eyes devotedly, he took a step forward.  

“If I had a choice, I would take you far from here. And keep you safe by my side. But I have a duty. And so do you.”

“Can you really imagine me as a queen?” You let out a quiet laugh. “How could I even run a country?”

“The same way you led me when we were children. I followed you everywhere. Ran when you called. I would have done anything for you.”

I still would, his tone suggested.

“That’s true,” you replied. “Snow White you always quarreled with, but me…”

William had crept even closer without your notice. “We don’t need to talk about Snow White.”

“I’d rather not marry a king, anyway,” you prattled on. “I’d rather be the wife of a count or baron. Spouse to a duke is the highest amount of authority I would be able to handle.” An uncomfortable warmth flooded your face when you remembered who were conversing with. Before you could lower your gaze, William leant closer.

“Do you wish to retire to your tent?” he whispered.

As you two retreated to camp, you thought about placing your hand in his. Then decided against it. William made sure to tread carefully behind you. Being caught by the huntsman or any of the others would have been awkward.

There’s nothing wrong with this, you thought about saying. Then you decided that wasn’t the right approach. “We don’t have to-”

“But I want to, ______. I’ve wanted to for so long.”

With that, William leant down to claim his kiss.  

At first the duke’s son had seemed a bit reluctant. Perhaps he’d deliberated whether or not this was an appropriate setting  for l*vemaking. Maybe it was his first time. But now you were on your back, dress pulled up past your waist, being straddled by your handsome childhood friend. You unfastened the top half of your garment, not breaking eye contact. William’s nervous smile disappeared as he followed your lead. Now that he was shirtless, you impatiently pulled the pants off his hips. He kissed you on the mouth once more before focusing on your lower set of lips.

Whether his initial nerves were due to virginity, you weren’t so sure anymore. Because he knew exactly what to do with your little pink bead. William very carefully rolled your cl*toris between his thumb and forefinger. Occasionally pausing to keep you from becoming too stimulated.  

“May I feel how wet you are?”

Tearing your eyes away from his wonderful fingers, you stared at his half-hard c*ck and nodded. He must have great self-control, you figured, because he hadn’t gotten harder since his clothed cr*tch was pressed your bare one. Then you felt a digit trail down your slit.

“Please…”

Your hips rose up to meet him. Knuckle by knuckle, your lover dragged a single finger inside and then withdrew before turning over and re-entering. This time the finger curled inside of you. Making you clench down and gasp. The uncharacteristically husky voice that asked if you wanted him now was impossible to refuse.  

William clasped your hand in his as he climbed on top of you. Despite how soaked you were, he still seemed a bit awkward about f*cking you. But it was endearing. Maybe he’d only had digital s*x before. There would be time for questions later.

It seemed to last for more than an hour at the least. Despite this very possibly being his first time, your friend seemed very in control of himself. Strange how well are bodies are tuned with each other’s, you mused as he rutted into you. What a great way to keep warm.

Now he was picking up speed. He’d barely broken eye contact, admiring every little twitch of your face, since starting but now his face was starting to scrunch up in pleasure. You weren’t going to last much longer either.

“William-”

“I’m not William,” he huffed, eyes shut.

You wet your bottom lip. “Do you, do you wish me to call you something else during…?”

The org*sm hit you so hard you just sputtered for a couple seconds before letting it overpower you. No previous cl*max had ever been this powerful. Or lasted so long. While it didn’t come out of the blue, you weren’t expecting to c*m so suddenly.  Your partner was still thrusting into you. Focusing only on securing his own release. His hold on your biceps was almost painful as he drew you up to capture your lips again. His grip actually became painful as you drew away to breathe.

“Spill your seed on my belly.”

If you hadn’t trusted William, you would have thought he had no intention of pulling out. You were about to repeat yourself, just in case, when he shut you up with a kiss. S*cking your tongue into his own mouth, he bucked his hips harder against yours. You winced. It almost felt like his length had grown even thicker. Much thicker. You decided to stay still until he was done rutting.

If he doesn’t stop soon, I am going to be so sore… you thought, closing your eyes.

“Are you awake, ______?”

You raised your eyelids slightly, not sure if you wanted to look at him. Then William squeezed your hand. He was reclining on his side, eyes hawkish as he waited for a response. Uncurling, you drew yourself up and grimaced as an abnormal amount of fluid sopped out. The only time someone else’s juices had stickied your thighs was during intercrural.   

Why didn’t you pull out?

Raising your voice wasn’t possible at the moment. Your little love nest was beginning to feel unbearably warm. Still, you weren’t about to lower your blanket. To bear your body again to him. Maybe he would get dressed and leave without you. While William would have made a good husband, you wanted to convince yourself, you would rather become pregnant during peaceful times. And you told him so.

“I think I would need to use another spell for that. The seed I planted in you will definitely link us… heart-to-heart, however.” His chin tilted up and you felt some more s*men seep out before slithering back inside. “You see, ______, William would have just betrayed you.”

You tightened your core as the imposter reached over to rest his hand on your midriff. When had your covering fallen down? Who- or whatever had just f*cked you was going on about conception outside of wedlock and how anyone else who had you would have just used you…

“What sort of manner of incubus-?”

A nonchalant chuckle cut you off. Before you could avoid his touch, the false William touched your forehead and you were no longer in the tent but back out in the gelid woods. The duke’s son or his doppelgänger was with Snow White.

“By fairest bl**d it was done and only by fairest bl**d can it be undone. You were the only one who could break the spell and end my life, and the only one pure enough to save me… You don’t realize how lucky you are-”

“Stop.”

Your begging drove away the magical vision. This fiend had already taken care of your princess. You were kneeling, slouched, unable to move your gaze from your n*ked thighs. Nothing was coating them. It felt like something was gently roiling deep inside you and you prayed it was your imagination.

“I was going to wait until the rebellion had been annihilated,” Ravenna’s voice oozed into your ears. If you had ever thought of this situation on your own, your bl**d would have boiled. But it had actually happened. Was still happening. The storm in your womb had quieted down. To your surprise, you were starting to feel a bit amorous again… “But then Snow White kissed ‘William’ and, well-”

“You needed me,” you exhaled, parting your legs once more.

Note: Read on AO3 and Wattpad. 

[svucarisiaddict]

How about Peter and the reader being really good friends and flirting a bit and they’ve made out drunkenly a few times but even though the reader told him she likes him when they were drunk, Peter didn’t do anything. Now they’re still friends and see each other every day but the reader found out that a mutual friend is trying to make a move so she gets mad and jealous and finally tries to convince Peter that they should be together

“There’s my favorite person!” Peter greeted you with a big smile and a kiss to your cheek. “How are you feeling this morning?”

Plopping down in the chair across the table for him you groaned. “Better than I should but still hung over.” Looking over your sunglasses at Peter you gave him a once over. “How do you look like this,” you said gesturing up and down, “and I look like this?” Yoga pants, oversized sweatshirt, messy bun, make up free with your biggest pair of sunglasses blocking the harsh fluorescent lighting.

Peter chuckled. “Never could hold your liquor.” He slid his coffee across the table. “That’s why I requested a late checkout.” Last night was a class reunion between your graduating law class in D.C. It was basically an excuse to get together and drink.

The coffee was just the way you like it; two cream, two sugar. Peter knew you better than anyone, including your family. It was a relief that he didn’t bring up what happened last night. It wasn’t the first time you and Peter had kissed or made out. Something came over you and you confessed your feelings to Peter. He thought you were drunk, which to be fair he was right, but you knew exactly what you were saying.

“Well I for one need some food,” you announced looking for a server.

“Already ordered for you. Belgian waffle, crisp bacon, and orange juice.” The server approached your table a few seconds later and put the plate of food in front of you.

Peter, of course, had a healthy breakfast consisting of fresh fruit, oatmeal, and greek yogurt.

“Thanks.” Taking off your sunglasses you tucked into your meal. “You are the only person that I have never experienced post order envy with,” you commented stabbing a bite of waffle, twirling it in the puddle of syrup.

“I promise you it doesn’t hurt to eat healthy, Y/N.” Peter licked the spoon that had been resting in the yogurt.

You paused mid-chew. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph that was sexy. No. He’s your best friend since undergrad. Plus he obviously didn’t think of you in that way. You resumed chewing and swallowed the bite. “So it was good seeing everyone last night. Too bad we have to go back today. I was hoping to go to the Natural History Museum.”

“So we’ll stay another day,” he said nonchalantly. He knew you had been there countless times but still indulged you.  “Let’s see how Chitown did.” He picked up the paper opening it to the sports section to check the score of the Cubs game.

The next workday, Tori, a co-worker and mutual friend of Peter’s sat down at your desk. “How was the reunion?”

“It was a blast. So good to reconnect with everyone. Plus got to go to the Natural History Museum,” you said.

“You and Peter shared a room, right?” she asked.

Her question caught you off guard. “Uh, yeah. But it’s not like that between us.”

“Oh,” she replied then smiled. “Look at the time. I have a client in five minutes. See ya.”

“Bye.” You furrowed your brow. That was a weird exchange. Shaking your head you returned your attention to the deposition you had been reviewing.

“Y/N!” Peter called your name causes you to slow your gait for a fraction then resuming your original pace. He caught up with you in a couple long strides. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Pulling your keys from your handbag you pushed the button to unlock your car. You opened the back door tossing your briefcase on the back seat. “What did you need?” you brusquely asked.

Peter raised an eyebrow at your tone. “Well you seem to be dodging my calls, texts, emails, and when I see you in the halls you turn around or slink into another room. What gives?”

Two months ago Peter and Tori started dating. For the last one and a half months, you have been ignoring him. Was it the grown-up thing to do? No. But at that moment you weren’t feeling rational. “I’ve just been really busy with the new caseload.”

Peter scoffed. “Bullshit. We haven’t gone a day without some sort of communication no matter how busy we’ve been.”

“To be so smart you can so obtuse sometimes Peter.” You reached for the door handle but Peter halted your movement. “Let go of me,” you commanded narrowing your eyes at him.

Peter released your hand and stepped back.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have grabbed you. Just please talk to me, Y/N. Please,” Peter pleaded. “I miss my best friend.”

“Why her? Why not me?” you asked your voice barely a whisper as you choked back tears.

His face read pure confusion. “Y/N. You’re my best friend. I-I’m sorry. I never met to hurt you…” his voice trailed off as he tried to comprehend.

“You honestly have nothing to apologize about. It’s all me. I’ve loved you for so long, Peter. But the only time I was able to confess to you was with the help of Jose Cuervo. And we both know that didn’t go very well,” you sniffled. You turned your tear-filled eyes up to him.

Peter was silent for several moments. He ran his fingers through his short, blonde hair. “You know I love you. From the day I met you I knew you would be one of the most important people in my life. And that hasn’t changed in all these years.”

“I sense a but,” you said wiping away tears from your cheek.

Peter sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, I just can’t. I love you too much to risk our friendship by being together. If things didn’t work out and I lost you I would lose myself,” he explained.

“I get it,” you said with a nod. Taking a deep breath you said, “sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I’ve missed you too.”

Peter pulled to his chest for a hug. He kissed the crown of your head. Your arms snaked around his waist. “What’s this I hear about you dating one of the detectives?”

“It was two dates. Besides, it’s not like I can sit around forever waiting on you,” you chided him.

Peter chuckled and squeezed you a little tighter. “Hope he’s good enough for you, Y/N because you deserve the absolute best.”

“Yeah,” you whispered. It was Peter that was the absolute best. It’ll take one hell of a man to measure up to Peter Stone. You knew your relationship with Peter would be different from here on out. But at least he was still in your life, even if it wasn’t the way you had hoped.

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Hey Rio: Hiya babe Rio: what's good? Nancy: I need to like Nancy: ugh idk it's such a bad idea, like I already know Rio: You wanna Thelma and Louise? Nancy: Who wouldn't want that much gay subtext Rio: Susan Saradon is a babe Rio: what's the actual drama then, shitty husbands and creeps at bars assumedly ain't it Nancy: Okay so you know how I have the misfortune of having to share a birthday, well, now he also wants me to do a joint party Nancy: except not Nancy: he wants my share of the guestlist cos he's gone over his own Rio: Seriously Rio: 🙄 Rio: Well that sounds like a nightmare Nancy: Right? Like I don't have to see enough of all his fuckboy friends already Rio: So you've actually got to be there Rio: that's so rude on so many levels Nancy: I might just leave once mum and dad do, it's not like they're gonna stay and chaperone all night Nancy: That's where you come in Nancy: Save my birthday from total ruin, yeah? Rio: They should, last party I went to the house was basically a write-off after Rio: What can I do, obviously I'll do it but catch me up Nancy: Oh Nancy: maybe they will and I will have to stay Nancy: But my original idea was more Thelma & Louise, naturally Nancy: You're the most fun person I know Nancy: and it is Halloween, there's gotta be something else on offer Rio: Yeah, you do live in one of the most exciting places in the world, nbd Rio: of course there's something more fun to do! Rio: I'll start looking now Nancy: You're actually the best ever Rio: N'awh, you're so cute 💖 Rio: see how quick you are with the compliments after I've saved you 😘 Nancy: 😉 Nancy: Who's immune to such blatant heroics? Nancy: If you save me from having to spend a minute at this party you can have anything you want Rio: 😳 Rio: Steady on Rio: I'm good, might not be THAT good Nancy: I was more thinking from my wardrobe Nancy: You're not really my type, cos of the whole related and straight thing Rio: Sure Rio: that whole thing Rio: not gonna turn down a tour of your latest purchases obvs Nancy: That sounds really flirty still but I'll go with the less awkward version of events Nancy: Things are weird enough with this party, like Rio: I can't help being this irresistible, babe Rio: but I won't say it's a date, just a plan Nancy: You're flirting with me but sure, we can both be irresistible, I guess Rio: I am not Rio: Straight and sharing DNA, remember Rio: you only got 1/2 so you're more suss Nancy: A lesbian remember? One convo and you're moving in Rio: 😂 Rio: Won't just do carry on then Rio: tah for the warning Nancy: You're so welcome Rio: Already gonna look so underdressed without being caught without 😱 Nancy: Um with full access to my wardrobe, not for long Nancy: Anything less than utter perfection is not an option if I have to show my face at the party for even half a second Nancy: I'm beyond prepared, and in case you can't tell, beyond STRESSED Rio: I caught that Rio: gurl you're gonna get stress spots if you don't tone it down Rio: you'll look 🔥 Rio: assume it's a costume party? Nancy: God, don't, the girls he invited would love that to happen to me Nancy: especially cos no, it's not Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Honestly, you had one job Rio: such an easy cop-out Nancy: He says no costume could make him look as hot as his labels, that's a paraphrase, I wasn't listening well enough to deliver a direct quote, sadly Rio: 🤢 Rio: Please don't try any harder to remember that was upsetting enough Rio: definitely find something better to do Nancy: Right? I literally get gayer every time he opens his mouth Rio: 😂 Rio: Not a choice but if it was, I get it Nancy: God was like, with him as a brother you've suffered enough Rio: Though it would be funny if you can find a man more unbearable Rio: he'd be fuming Nancy: My dad too Rio: Oh, the male posturing Rio: let me down, if no one else Rio: such a laugh Nancy: Maybe I should have turned this plan on its head and come to you to celebrate Nancy: Get away from it all Nancy: his friends are like clones and nobody thinks that's bizarre Nancy: like the girls are just 😍💘💋 Rio: Match their boys to their bags Rio: weird Rio: we should still do something special for you though Rio: it's your birthday as well, after-all Nancy: Yeah but I'm the weird one, okay then Nancy: It is but I don't feel as if I need to be all 🎉🎂👑 Nancy: He's got that covered Rio: Don't worry, I know your style Rio: and that it ain't his Nancy: He doesn't have any Rio: 🔥 Rio: ice that on the cake, babe Nancy: If ANYTHING was allowed to be homemade I would Rio: Can't imagine your Ma in a pinny, like Nancy: If my dad asked, then maybe Nancy: They are so gross but that's a convo to have in therapy one day Rio: Yeah, that is NOT my present to you Rio: lemme get qualified Nancy: What ARE you getting me though? Rio: No spoilers! Nancy: 😞😞😞 Rio: Surprises are fun Rio: don't be sad Nancy: Never in this house Nancy: But I trust in your gifting abilities Nancy: 🧡 Rio: And I'll bring over all the kids...interesting homemade attempts Rio: what more could you ask for? Nancy: Tell Junior he's so rude for refusing to get on a plane Nancy: It's not a phobia if you just don't want to Rio: Real talk Rio: ride or die until he's scared he'll end up at this party too Rio: bless Nancy: Like, I get it, I don't want to be in Chelsea either but I'd do it for him Rio: I ain't getting in the middle of gay drama Rio: I know better Rio: I could beg on your behalf but we both know, unlikely Nancy: Oh my god, you're not allowed to out him, even to me Nancy: It's a secret that we all know, okay Rio: 🤐 Rio: I do forget he's younger than us, like actually no pressure but also you know NONE of us are gonna be mad so Nancy: So problematic, you'd fit right in at the party actually Nancy: He's an adorable little old man Rio: 😱 Rio: 'Scuse me Rio: don't be starting beef with me, I'm coming Nancy: 😂 Rio: Literally so rude Rio: don't make me flip my hair at you Nancy: Babe please, I can do it better Nancy: Mine's so long now Rio: Alright showoff 😉 Rio: mine would be too if I straightened it Nancy: [sends a show offy hair flip clip but cute like look] Rio: Awh, you look so cute 🧡 Nancy: I look so 🥕 but I make it work Rio: straight 🔥 I swear Nancy: Okay but never use straight to refer to me, thanks Rio: Such a hater Nancy: Of men, exactly Nancy: You would be too if you went to our school though Rio: I can imagine Rio: tory central Nancy: Lord, it's like a timewarp of values but the levels of privilege have kept sky rocketing Nancy: The party's gonna be like Gatsby's except if the green light was shots and nudes Rio: Ahh the irony Rio: How do you stay even slightly sane/normal Nancy: I don't Nancy: They are the 'normal' ones and I'm obviously insane with grief about it Nancy: Oh please let me in your oh so exclusive club so I don't have to hang my head in shame Rio: nah, fuck that Rio: just the lunatics running the asylum Nancy: I hate it here so much Rio: Is there anyone vaguely decent you hang with? Nancy: No Rio: That's so crap Nancy: I'd rather have no friends than fake ones cos there's nobody real around Rio: I feel that too Rio: but its hard having to spend, what, 7 hours a day alone and surrounded by dickheads Rio: hope you're making your weekends worth it, yeah Nancy: I'd love it if they left me alone Nancy: That's what weekends are for, definitely Rio: Enough about those boring bitches anyway Rio: my mum wants to talk to yours, the usual, but they're cool with it so Rio: 👍 Nancy: I'll let her know when she comes in Rio: 🤞 she doesn't talk her ear off so hard she won't let me come like hell no, this fucking family Nancy: I can't even let that be a possibility Nancy: Do you want me to have a birthday breakdown, mum? Nancy: I don't think you have time in the schedule for that Rio: Hit her up with those birthday demands Rio: it's my party and I WILL cry if you don't do what I want, like Nancy: I don't wanna go there but if I have to, I will Rio: 👑 Rio: if there's ever a time to be a tiny bit of a diva Rio: I have to make a fuss or bitches will be tryna skip to Christmas like nah Nancy: That's so rude Nancy: To you and your dad Nancy: Also who in the hell wants to skip to Christmas? It's so stressful oh my god Nancy: Give me all the shopping days, thanks Rio: Seriously Rio: not a grinch or anything, gimme presents then too but come on Rio: attention is the best 🎁 for the eldest of 10, duh Nancy: Do you wanna be the joint guest of honor at this party instead of me? Nancy: As far as attention goes, you wouldn't get more unless you lock Buster in his room or something beforehand Rio: 😂 I know you're not identical but I don't think your ma would appreciate the insinuation that me and him are in any way twinning Nancy: You could wear a costume Nancy: He'd hate that as much as he'd hate sharing the spotlight even a little Rio: No shade but 0 lack of desire to white face Rio: but that's tempting, have I even got time to think of a decent costume though Rio: hmm Nancy: I can't lie, I'd be tempted if I was staying Rio: We so should Rio: maybe we'll need one for wherever we're going once you've made your joint wish or whatever the fuck Nancy: I'm with you on everything except I'm never blowing out candles with him for as long as I live Rio: Jokes, you definitely have enough 💸 for separate wishes Nancy: 🙏 Rio: This will be fun Rio: I'll send you details of anything that sounds good then Nancy: I'll send you any costume ideas I have, obvously Nancy: Thanks Ri Nancy: You seriously are the best Rio: Definitely Rio: and don't mention it, I had nothing good on anyway, this'll be way more fun than whatever lame party I was gonna be at Nancy: I feel like I definitely just complained about my life this entire convo Nancy: Which needs to be mentioned since I didn't even ask how you are or anything Nancy: Like, yeah that's gay culture but you know Rio: Nah, it's your bday, soon Rio: fully in support of that diva ish remember 👑 Rio: and same old same old here Rio: all good Nancy: Yeah? Nancy: Feels like forever since we've had a real life interaction Nancy: I'm glad you're coming Rio: It has been a while Rio: always feels like that since Schools in full swing and sucking the life outta us all like summer never happened Nancy: Unless you're Buster and school's your playground Nancy: I'm honestly surprised he isn't breaking in to have the party there since he loves it so much Rio: When you're gonna peak, gotta make the most, I guess 🤷 Nancy: I wish, you know he's just gonna keep doing better and better Nancy: Failure's not an option, like Rio: Not an option but a reality Rio: all well and good living that mantra and letting it take you as far as it can but I swear, real life is gonna hit him so hard, it won't be good Nancy: Maybe I took his share and mine, that'd be about right Nancy: I'll throw him a party for his mid life crisis though, of course Nancy: What are sister's for Rio: 😂 Can't wait to meet his hilariously age-inappropriate bae and pretend to give a shit about his sports car, like Nancy: I'll show up in mine like hey bro, older, hotter girlfriend in toe Rio: 🙌 Rio: Power moves Nancy: She can drive so I just get to pose even more extra when we turn up Rio: and you just want a driver, lbr 😜 Nancy: You'll thank me for not driving Nancy: The girlfriend who doesn't exist won't when I'm that distracting, though Rio: 😏 Rio: go off boo Nancy: If only that saying was true Nancy: about quiet ones Rio: can be Nancy: I can't even remember how it goes Rio: it's always yous, basically Rio: bit ominous Nancy: Oh Rio: Init Rio: Junie can't be convinced Rio: spent a solid 30 there trying Nancy: He's no longer my best friend, you are Nancy: Next time he wants to know how to let a girl down gently I'm not helping Rio: 💔 Rio: cold, I'll break that news to him gentle tho Rio: old times sake Nancy: My mum's just text me so I'll gently persuade her that you need to like, stay forever Nancy: Easy, obviously Rio: Obviously Rio: with your persuasion skills and her laidback attitude Rio: 😉 Nancy: She's in such a great mood too after another meeting with my form teacher who is himself convinced that Dyslexia only affects working class children Nancy: I tried to tell him that's the stock I'm bred from but he also believes that girls should be seen and not heard, like Rio: Ugh Rio: What a prick Rio: though not that surprised Rio: any issues and the royals hide their kids in asylums so Nancy: They only let girls in during the last century or whatever so he's far to old to have ever interacted with one Rio: Yeah, probs far too invested in the boys if the stereotypes keep ringing true Nancy: Gross but probably true Rio: Someone has to rub 'em down after rugger, babe Rio: 🤷 Nancy: Stop trying to trigger PTSD in me Rio: 😂 soz Rio: jus' sayin' silver lining you don't have to deal with the predatory masters, even if they at best tolerate your existens Nancy: Thank god, since I came out more lads have told me they fancy me than ever before, I'm already inundated and wanna die Rio: Nothing sexier than unavailability Nancy: Nothing sexy about how they show their 'interest' though Nancy: If that's how they approach straight girls I don't know how we've survived as a species Rio: Go on, wow me with their chat Rio: need a laugh Nancy: Most of them don't even bother to speak, their love language is clearly touch Rio: 😬 Rio: Rapey Nancy: It's scary, like Nancy: I thought posh boys were meant to be repressed Rio: Nah, they're THE worst Rio: untouchable in return for all the grabbing they're into Rio: and SO many mommy/daddy issues Nancy: Gross Rio: Fun if you're feeling it for the weekend but yeah Rio: not a mood you wanna marry into really Nancy: If I wasn't gay before I definitely am now you tried to force your tongue down my throat in the middle of the school hallway, thanks so much  🙄 Rio: That's so grim Rio: hope you smacked him Nancy: My brother has essentially one use to me Rio: It's something Rio: don't discount it Nancy: I can't unless I also wanna take up boxing myself Nancy: Not really my thing so Rio: Least you know he gives some shits, yeah Nancy: He likes to hit stuff Nancy: I've always known that Rio: Yeah Nancy: Anyway, I have to go Nancy: If I ignore this deadline it won't Nancy: and the essay won't write itself either Rio: Oh no Rio: lame Rio: but good 🍀 Nancy: Thanks, I need it Nancy: At least until my mum gets back and I can ask her about romantic classicism Rio: I'm too dumb and poor for this shit, sorry xoxo Nancy: I do have the money to buy myself an essay where my brain has failed me Nancy: but I'd have to make it look Dyslexic enough so I might as well just write it Rio: 💔 Rio: Sad times, princess, sad times Nancy: ikr 👑💧 that's my crown of tears not like Nancy: any other liquids Nancy: I'm definitely not putting any sweat into it Rio: 💪 you got this Nancy: I've got 🍀 because of you Nancy: I'll make it work Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Nancy: xxx

[blazerina]

Wrong (Matt x MC)

Wrong (Matt x MC)

Summary: Pretty much the same thing I keep writing about with Matt x Veronica.  Another event, and more questions about whether or not they can make it through this crazy Hollywood life together. Will they be able to move on? And are they truly right for one another? This story describes Veronica’s doubts and questions about her new life, with Matt, in LA.

Word Count: 4005

--

Veronica sat up quietly, scratching her head.  She stretched her arms above her and smiled at the bright sun shining outside the window. It was the middle of a beautiful California afternoon and she would get to spend time tonight with one of her favorite people.  As she continued to stretch, her tank top raised up slightly, revealing a small portion of skin above the waistband of her sweatpants. Soon she felt the warmth of Matt’s skin against hers as he snaked an arm around her.

“Ssshhh.” He hissed, trying to gently pull Veronica back down onto the bed. “Just a few more minutes.”

The two of them were together, in Matt’s bed, in his huge Hollywood mansion.  They had gone to breakfast that morning, Matt in disguise as usual with a hat and sunglasses.  Their plan was to go shopping and prepare for the charity event that Matt was co-hosting that evening, but realizing quickly how tired they both were, a “nap date” sounded like a much better option.  They had been asleep for almost two hours and Veronica still had to find a dress before the evening’s event.

Matt begged her to stay in bed without even opening his eyes.  Veronica gave in to the temptation of laying beside him a little longer and settled in.  After a few moments of silence, Matt whispered, “C’mere.”

He carefully pulled Veronica close and lifted her up onto him as she straddled his hips. Matt propped himself up on his elbows as he leaned in to kiss her. Resting back on the pillow as Veronica put more of her weight on him, his hands roamed her body and found their way underneath her shirt tenderly running his fingertips along her back.

Their hips were soon grinding together involuntarily, and just as Veronica nipped at Matt’s neck, he coarsely whispered, “We should stop. Or we’re never going to get out of here on time.”

His mischievous grin made Veronica shutter as she agreed and took a deep breath, getting off of him and stepping onto the floor. Matt held onto her hand, his fingers laced with hers as he sat up and regretfully scratched his head.  

“Please believe me when I tell you how badly I wish we could stay in bed.” He kissed the back of her hand tenderly, while looking her in the eyes.

“I do.” She smiled, heat returning to her cheeks.  

She was still in awe of the fact that Matt Rodriguez wanted to be with her.  Every now and then she would forget who he was.  The longer she was with him the more she found herself overlooking the fact that he was a super huge movie star. But then, there were times when the reality of his famous career was all too real and in her face – like tonight.  The pressure was on for her to look good; not just good, amazingly good.  There would be photographers, famous actors, and other very important people in the industry.  She knew she really had to be poised and ready for anything tonight.  

Matt was the host of this fundraiser benefit, which meant she’d be left on her own for most of the evening.  At first, she turned down Matt’s invitation, but after much pleading and a few strategically placed kisses, she gave in and told him she would come. She still wasn’t sure she was ready for this. She was hardly ready for her own career, let alone being on the arm of someone of his caliber.  She chalked it up to being good practice, and trusted that Matt would be by her side, cheering her on, even if it was from a podium or stage set up at the other side of the room.

“I guess I need to read over the agenda for tonight so that I’m somewhat prepared with my script.” Matt sighed, running a hand over his face.

“That’s perfect. While you’re doing that, I’ll find a dress.” Veronica wiggled her eyebrows up and down. She threw her hair into a messy bun and slipped on some tennis shoes.

“I don’t get to go with you for that?” Matt asked. He had actually really been looking forward to shopping with her, helping her pick out just the right outfit for tonight.  

“Nah.” Veronica sighed. “You’ve got things to do…and besides…” She walked over to him and kissed him deeply, passionately, before pulling away from him, breathless.

“…I want it to be a surprise!”  She walked towards the bedroom door and looked back over her shoulder at Matt.

He was sitting in the middle of the bed stunned and mesmerized by her charm, her wit, her beauty.  She blew him a kiss over her shoulder and waved quickly, before shutting the door behind her.  With a throaty laugh and a sigh, Matt fell back onto the bed, feeling content and genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.

***

Veronica knew exactly what she was looking for. It needed to be black.  Black was basic, but always made such a statement, if worn correctly. She was trying to remain budget-conscious and not spend an arm and a leg, but at the same time she wanted to look good.

Even though she’d been in LA for a while now, the prices of things still shocked her.  The cost of living in a big city compared to her small hometown in Iowa, was quite different.  As she walked up and down the racks of beautiful clothes, she began to collect an armful of black dresses.  The store she was at wasn’t the top of the line, but it wasn’t the worst either.  She knew that a lot of the ladies at tonight’s event would be wearing custom-made, designer gowns, but that just wasn’t her reality – at least not yet.

In the dressing room, she excitedly tried on dress after dress but was not having much luck.  As she stepped into her next-to-last dress and began pulling it up around her waist, she couldn’t help but overhear the teenagers a few dressing rooms down, as they talked about someone Veronica was very familiar with.  

“Oh my god, Tori, did you see that picture of Matt Rodriguez in Entertainment Today?” One of the girls was practically screeching, her voice was so high-pitched.

“Girl – yes! He is so perfect.  Thank God for creating such an amazing human.” The other one commented.

Veronica smiled to herself as she pulled the long black dress up around her shoulders. This was the one. She could tell immediately. It covered everything in the front but had a low, sweeping neckline in the back. It fit her figure impeccably.  She imagined the jewelry she’d wear, and she already had the perfect pair of heels picked out.  Her pulse began to quicken at the thought of Matt seeing her in this, of being on his arm, and quietly showing everyone that she was the real deal, not someone random Matt just happened to pick up at a party.

“I saw the other day that he has a new girlfriend.” The third teen suddenly piped up.  

“For real?”

“Yeah. But she’s NOT CUTE at all.”

Veronica covered her mouth, not making a sound. She wanted to listen, but also didn’t at the same time.

“Wait, what? I thought he was with Alyssa Griffin.”

“Where have you been, Steph? They broke up MONTHS ago.  I’m sure this new girl won’t last long.”

“Especially because she’s not even pretty.” The same girl commented again.

“Who even IS she?” The first girl asked.

“Who knows. She’s not famous. She has blonde hair.  It’s like curly or something? I don’t know. I saw a few pictures but didn’t pay much attention to her. He was the one I was looking at.”

The girls all giggled together as if on cue.

“He’ll get it together and find someone perfect.  He’s Matt freaking Rodriguez!” Another one added.

With her nerves now getting the best of her, Veronica sank to the floor of the dressing room, in the perfect black dress and let tears silently fall.  She now had proof that she wasn’t the only one who felt like she was out of Matt’s league. It would only be a matter of time before the rest of the world turned on her…once they found out who she was.  She would never be enough for him.

***

“I know. I know you want me to go out there with you but I’m really just not feeling up to it.” Veronica plead with Matt in the backseat of the limo as they were minutes away from pulling up to the venue for the benefit.

“Babe, what happened? You were fine when we left and now you’re upset – or something. Something’s up. You need to tell me.” Matt pressed.

“I’m really just not feeling well.” Veronica lied, trying to give a convincing performance.

Matt pulled her into him and kissed her on the forehead. With a heavy sigh, he wrapped his arms around her and put his chin on the top of her head.  

“I don’t believe you.”

He ran his fingers up and down her arm and then her bare back. Matt had loved her dress. He insisted they take a selfie before they left his house, and Veronica caught him snapping one of her without her looking. He told her he wanted moments like this captured forever and that pictures of her in his house, when they were the only ones in the room, made him remember what life was really about. The moments alone, just the two of them, were quickly becoming his favorites. He felt protected, in a cocoon of peace, when he was with her. He didn’t have to worry about anything when they were together because he had all he needed right in front of him.

“If you really want to come in the back, and not have your picture taken and all that, I understand. I want to show you off and I want the world to know that you’re mine.” He whispered, trying to calm her down and reassure her.  

“You’re going to have to get used to it at some point.” He gently pointed out.

Veronica pulled away from him and looked up, into his eyes.  She could do this. For him, she could do anything. She needed to be strong and support him in this. If he wanted her to do it, then, she would. Simple as that.

“You’re right.” She nodded.

No sooner had she said those words, than the door to the limo opened, bright lights flashed and she followed Matt out of the vehicle, onto the red carpet.

***

Veronica’s seat at the banquet was off in the corner, but still in the front row. She sat with some very nice people from the board of the foundation they were raising money for, and she was relieved that she didn’t have to make small talk with other actors or Hollywood folk.

Matt did an excellent job and managed to score a few laughs from the crowd, unexpectedly.  He was so smooth, so charming – it was easy to see how people were instantly drawn to him and how easily acting and putting on a show, came to him.  For a split second, Veronica wondered if he was putting on a show for her.  She envied how easy it was for him to slip into this Matt.  But then she remembered how different this Matt was from the Matt that she knew. She realized the Matt she was lucky enough to spend time with, was the one that no one else got to see or know. She reminded herself how special it was that he opened up so much with her.

At the end of the night, Veronica waited.  And waited. And waited for Matt to be done.  She sat at the table and watched fan after fan, mostly women, all but throw themselves at him.  Some were very pretty, others came on a little too strong.  It still unnerved her.  The fact that she had to sit and watch this continue, made her stomach churn a little bit.  What was worse, Matt seemed to be enjoying it.  She watched as he posed for pictures with ladies. Sometimes his hand would wander a little bit too low, or she could swear she caught his gaze lingering a little too long at one’s chest or ass.  When she had enough, she went to the limo and waited for him there, but it had been over an hour and she was still sitting there.

A few minutes later, her phone buzzed and her brow furrowed in confusion when she saw Matt’s name pop up on the screen.

MR: I know you’re more than ready to go home. Sorry this is taking so long. I’m just waiting to catch up with the chairman of the board and then I’ll be done.

VM: I understand.  Just hurry if you can. I’m ready for bed!

MR: Me too…

10 minutes later.

MR: You can go on home. I’m never getting out of here…the people keep coming.

Veronica sighed and rolled her eyes as she read the text.

VM: Are you sure? I would stay but I’m so tired…

MR: I’m sure. Sleep tight. I’ll call you in the morning!

She asked the driver to take her home and on the way back to her apartment, all she could think about was the fans in line, the comments from the dressing room and the looming conclusion in the back of her mind that this was all wrong.

Her feet were aching so as she stepped out of the limo, she thanked the driver and removed her shoes. Holding them in her hands, she slowly walked the few flights of stairs up to her place and yawned loudly as she twisted the key into the lock.  When she got inside, she willed herself to go to the bedroom and not stop at the couch. Her body was so tired, she wasn’t sure she had the energy to change into her pajamas.  She turned off the lights and laid down on the bed, without even pulling back the sheets.

Only a few moments into the quiet, she heard something, or someone rustling around in the kitchen.  

“I hate this place.” She mumbled as she sat up, trying to listen hard for more noise.

As more scurrying was heard, she knew it had to be Rocket.  He hadn’t been around lately and she was wondering where he was.  

“It’s about time you showed up!” She yelled as she flicked on the lights, walking into the open living and kitchen area.

She screamed when she realized it wasn’t Rocket, but a large, gross, oily, fat rat, instead. Continuing to scream, she did the only thing she could do – she chased it.  Running to the front door, she opened it quickly and shooed the big thing out.  She also ran out into the hallway and tried to collect her breath. Her pulse was beating incredibly fast and she was having trouble calming down.  After a few moments, she realized she was barefoot, in her black dress, outside her apartment…and the keys…the door…she had locked herself out.

Even though she knew it wouldn’t help, she knocked on her own apartment door and heaved a heavy sigh. She knew there was no way to stop the tears at this point. The evening had been such a waste. Nothing was going right. It was moments like these that she’d give anything to be tipping cows with her high school friends back in the fields of Iowa.

She softly and quietly trudged up to the roof.  She needed to get away. She wanted to breathe fresh air and look into the night sky to ask the universe why.  At home she’d go out to her dad’s truck, lay down a blanket and pretty much sleep there, at least one night a week.  She loved looking up at the night sky from the bed of the truck and seeing the stars, listening to the sounds of nature and feeling so small.  As she got to the roof, she dangled her legs over the edge and realized she felt small here too, but for much different reasons.

Before long, she began to cry. She was silent, but the tears fell and fell some more. It was as if everything she had been holding inside – every doubt about herself, about Matt, their relationship together, her new life in LA, her ability to be an actress – all of it came tumbling out of her in the form of tears. She sniffled a bit, then stopped when she thought she heard footsteps.  

“Seth?” She called out, turning around and seeing a figure stepping off of the fire escape.

“No.” The voice responded, and she knew instantly it was Matt.

“Seth told me I could find you here.” He explained.  

He looked tired.  The tie was missing from his suit. His shirt was unbuttoned, his hair was disheveled and dark circles were starting to form under his eyes.  Veronica realized just how much an evening like this took out of him – how much energy he had to muster up to get himself through a few hours of “being on” for everyone.

Instinctively, Veronica wiped her eyes and pressed the palms of her hands to her cheeks, trying not to smudge any remnants of make-up that were left on her face.

“Why…” her voice was unsteady and weak, “…why are you here? Why did you come all this way? It’s – so late…”

“I couldn’t go to bed without saying goodnight.” Matt explained, moving closer, slowly, to her. “I know it was a rough night for you and I felt awful about how it ended. I wanted to check on you. I tried to call but you didn’t answer and then I got worried.”

“Worried?”

“Yeah. Worried about you. Worried about us.” His voice cracked as he said those last words.

“You are worried about us?” She questioned, still sitting on the edge of the roof.

“Veronica, I’m human. I get worried. Especially when I can tell you’re not yourself.” He sighed, looking up into the sky before returning his gaze to her.

“I love everything about us. When I’m with you, I’m so happy. But then when we have to go out and be around all these people and do all our stuff – it gets complicated and then I worry.  I don’t want you to resent me, or what I do. But it’s also what you want to do – so we’re going to have to figure this out. And trust each other…if you want to, that is…”

“If I want to what?” Veronica wasn’t following. She was confused, and tired, and frustrated.

“If you want to stay together. If you want to be with me.”

Seth was actually a few floors below, hanging out on the fire escape.  He had heard Veronica yelling, and then saw the tail end of her black dress floating up the fire escape and heading towards the roof. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her, especially when he heard her crying…but right as he was about to head up, he saw Matt out of the corner of his eye.  He told Matt where he could find her, and not knowing what had happened, Seth followed Matt – listening to every word of their conversation and secretly hoping that Veronica would tell him it was too much, she couldn’t do it, they were done. He was hanging on her response, wondering what she would say about wanting to be with him. But he knew. He knew there was no way he could compete with Matt freaking Rodriguez.

Veronica nodded, tears again falling and she couldn’t bring herself to stand.  Matt knelt beside her, putting one arm around her shoulders. Watching her cry was much more difficult than he ever anticipated. He didn’t want to cause her any kind of pain and wondered why she thought he was worth any of this.

“It’s just so hard.” She eeked out, sniffling more and breathing hard.

“All of this.  Being with you.  All these girls. People thinking I’m the wrong choice or not good enough for you.  Trying to make it out here. Not knowing if I’m good enough to even be an actress. Struggling to make ends meet. It’s all so much harder than I ever thought it would be.”

She leaned her head on Matt’s shoulder and he pulled her close.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for this. Maybe this really is all wrong. What if that’s the case, Matt? What if this just isn’t meant to be?”

He sighed, not knowing what to say, how to calm her down, or how to help her understand just how much he wanted and needed her in his life. He realized all he really could do was be honest with her.

“I have to be honest with you.” He started. “It’s not easy. Nothing about being out here is easy.”

She stopped crying long enough to listen to him.

“I don’t know what it’s like to date someone like me.” He laughed a little bit. “That’s so weird to say. I’m sorry – I’m not trying to be arrogant – I just – it’s annoying. People are everywhere and they want a piece of me and some are downright rude and scary with the things they say and the ways they stare at me!”

Veronica laughed a little bit too, wiping her nose and then her eyes.

“I know it’s got to be hard. If people were looking at you like that and you were the one who had a line of men waiting to get your autograph or a picture, I’d be out of here SO FAST. I couldn’t handle it! But you’re strong, Veronica. You’ve got something special. Something I need.  And I don’t just want you for that, but it definitely helps.” He smirked.

“It’s not wrong. You’re not wrong. You’re here for a reason. I’m going to support you and you’re going to support me and there are going to be bumps in the road, but I know you can make it.  You’ve got what it takes. The beginning is always the most difficult.”

He tilted her chin up to him and looked into her beautiful, sparking, green-brown eyes.

“Even if it’s hard, I want to get through this with you.” She whispered, knowing without a doubt it was the truth.

“That’s all we need to know – that we want to get through this with each other, no matter how hard it gets.”

She reached up to him and put her arms around his neck, as he bent his head down to her for a soft, sweet, lingering kiss that told both of them all they needed to know.

Seth quietly walked away, feeling dejected but not surprised.  Knowing Matt was right, he knew he couldn’t be too upset. Why wouldn’t Veronica want to be with someone like him?

Matt helped Veronica up and they went back down to his car, outside of the apartment complex. Matt promised they’d get her keys the next day and told her all he wanted to do was continue their “nap date” on into the night and next morning.

As they drove back to Matt’s house, holding hands in the front seat, Veronica asked, “Do you think I’ll ever get used to your life? Will I ever not worry about these things? Will I ever believe I’m good enough?”

Matt smiled and looked over at her as he stopped at a red light. He kissed her briefly and then said, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make sure you know that you are MORE than enough for me.”

She kissed him back and relaxed, hoping both of them could put their doubts aside once and for all.

[lunaschild2016]

Stand Alone: Chapter 3

A little something I cooked up while editing and working on Worth Fighting For; which I will be posting a chapter for in the next couple of days! In the meantime hope you enjoy this story. Will be a short but hopefully good one.

Rating T/M ( Language, Violence, There will be smut, Angst, Tragedy, Romance, Fluff)

@kenzieam@ericdauntless@jojuarez26@jaihardy@iammarylastar@captstefanbrandt@badassbaker@readsalot73@fuckthatfeeling@dani5102@beltz2016@beautifulramblingbrains@affabletimelady@irasancti@meganbee15@meganbee15@lauraaan182@gylisaa@scorpio2009@bookgirlthings@pathybo@violetsonthelam@singingpeople@jughead-wuz-here@geekybeyondallreason@elaacreditava @offroadinjandals

[Choosing age is 16. OC transferred year after Eric. Tris and Co. came in the next year. This begins a year after Tris comes to Dauntless. Tori Wu is younger than the books but six years older than OC]

Inspired by the song; Stand Alone by Generdyn ft. Zayde Wolfe

Chapter 3

The couple slipped out of the VIP room, looking like they were still drunk as the large man with the long black hair pulled back in a ponytail groped the curvy girl with him and slapped her ass loudly.

He gave a wicked smirk as she glared at him but said in a sickly sweet tone that she was going to get him for that later. Meaning for it to sound as a playful threat while showing with her eyes she was all business.

“Oh, I am counting on there being a later.” He rasped out.

They didn’t draw much attention. The bar was being shut down, the Pit still had a few stragglers but most were beyond the ability to even think straight. They were able to keep up the act of lovers, as Eric draped himself over her. Acting as unlike himself as he could, as per instructions. If he got a little more handsy than he needed to or stopped them to sneak in a kiss or two more than she cared for, he could say it was all to help with the act.

Truth was, that while that was true, the last hour he had spent with Elle had his mind in a tailspin. The first part of de-Coulter-fying him, her words, had been pretty damn painful. Removing his piercings hadn’t been exactly pleasurable. Hearing that her injecting the nano-gel would close them up forever had irked him especially when she said it wouldn’t be like he was going to get them redone where he was going had irritated him even more. Especially since she wouldn’t tell him what the fucking plan was!

Then came her standing in between his spread legs as he sat on the stool, with him having to take his shirt off so she could apply the makeup to cover his tattoos. She even put on a nose prosthetic to change his appearance even more.

Her scent was maddening as well as her closeness. The fact that he might as well have been classified as a monk with how much close contact he came into with the opposite sex was not helping his predicament. But the fact that it was fucking Elle just made it all that much worse.

So he had closed his eyes, clenched his fists and laid his head back against the wall of the bathroom she had moved them too for better lighting. Her last action had been to put the mop of a wig on his head and arrange it in a pulled back ponytail. Her hands had moved to his shoulders and rested on them lightly as she took him in.

She was looking over everything, probably trying to make sure it would pass muster. He was looking at her and all he concentrate on was her lips. The bottom one pulled in between her teeth in concentration. She released it and the tip of her tongue swiped across the indentations.

That was all it took and he snapped. Lunging off the stool after he gripped her by the hips tightly with one hand and the other went to the back of her neck, he went in with his own tongue to swipe and soothe. Then took her mouth in a passion filled kiss.

Her moan came from deep within her and her eyes slammed shut as the pleasure of his actions and him pressing her against the wall - had her feeling like they were about to roll out of her head. Her hands moved to lock onto the back of his head and pulled him even closer, something he was all too happy to give her by pressing every single inch of that hard body against hers.

Someone moved against the other and suddenly they were both fighting to get more of that. When his obvious arousal hit her in just the right spot she tore away from the kiss and let out a long, loud moan. The sound alone was enough to snap her out of whatever spell she had been under and her eyes widened in horror.

Her pulling him closer stopped and Eric realized she was suddenly trying to push him away angrily. He didn’t want to give as he panted and tried to resume their kiss. Elle wasn’t having it and one look in her wide and almost frightened eyes let him know whatever moment they had was definitely over.

He sneered at her a little, wounded and knowing his ego was bruised at her rejection. “So do you think that will work to fool them?”

‘It was an act. Him just playing the role I told him to play.’ She thought to herself bitterly.

Shoving him away from her as he smirked, she moved to the main part of the rented room and went straight for the bag. She angrily took out the clothes she had brought for him and tossed them to him.

“Put those on and we move out in five. We need to get to the train.” She didn’t wait for his response before she was making sure her weapons were in place and packing the bags in the room.

He hadn’t bothered to reply either and took the time as he was getting dressed and armed to gather himself again. The minute they stepped out of the door he needed to be on his game.

Making it out of the compound had been much easier than he had expected. It made him wonder what exactly she had done to get him this far. He wanted to ask, but even as butt hurt as he was about what happened earlier, he still wasn’t going to throw salt into a wound so fresh for her. She had taken lives tonight. Men she had known and as much as she protested that they weren’t friends, they were probably as close to friends as she would allow.

The train was upon them almost as soon as they made it to the tracks. They had to book it to make it on and once they were, Elle moved to check out the car without sparing him a glance. He did his own check of it but then made his way to the other side where he could watch out the window. She had closed the door behind them.

“Am I allowed to know where we are going now?” He asked after ten minutes of riding. The only sound the normal ones of the steel wheels on the tracks and the whistle of the wind as they sped through the night.

“Amity.” She sighed as she slid down into a sitting position. “It won’t be the main compound though.” She said when she saw him flinch and grimace. “There is a place set up where you are going to have to stay put.”

“Stay put until what? Am I just supposed to hide away like some rat in a hole dammit? Why should I? I did what I had to do to stop her, Brielle! Why do I have to suffer for that crazy bitch anymore?” Eric had pushed away from the wall and was yelling his frustration and anger. He was feeling useless and like he failed in everything he had tried to do to help. To stop what he knew was absolutely wrong.

Elle rose from her place and moved over to him, her hand going to his arm to stop him...surprised when the coiled tension in his body lessened at her touch and he stilled; turning to look at her.

“You asked me why I am helping you? I can tell you one thing. Because….because there is a debt to be paid back to you. I know what you were doing, what you did. I can’t promise anything Eric but I will try my damndest to make sure others know too.” Her voice was fierce and strong. Full of the fiery passion she had confronted every challenge he had thrown at her with.

It should convince him, just like it had every time he upped the stakes during her training. This time it didn’t because he better than anyone knew what she would be going up against. “They’ll never believe you. I am not sure even how or why you do.”

“I can’t give you the answer to why. I can only hope you know by my actions here tonight, Eric…”

“I trust you.” He snorted and looked at her hand gripping his arm. “Something I don’t do often...or ever.”

Elle nodded and took her hand away. “Good.” She muttered in a sigh then took her hand away and went back to sit again. “We have an hour or two. Get some rest. There will be a bit of a hike after we jump off.”

With that she leaned her head against the wall of the train and closed her eyes. Eric watched her for few minutes before he too moved to slide down the wall and leaned his head back. A part of him knew as he was leaving Dauntless it would be the last time he walked those dark stone hallways.

As much as he had felt alone and reviled there, it had been home. He belonged there. Was willing to give not just the pittance of blood he had dropped into the bowl on choosing day...but so much more. His fucking soul if needed.

He was weary and didn’t realize until just this moment how tired he had become. Was it giving up though? To follow along and hide away? His Erudite side was warring with his Dauntless, a constant struggle for him really. Was it a tactical retreat or cowardice? He opened his eyes to look at the sleeping figure of the young woman across from him.

Or was it a chance for something else, something unnameable until now?

[astoriadahl-blog]

Displaced Passions || Self Para

To fight for a cause had always felt important to Astoria. When you believed in something, passionately, you fought for it, and that was exactly what she had been doing. For years now, she had been writing articles, trying, in her small ways, to give her portrayals of werewolves in a different light, something that didn’t portray them as bloodthirsty beasts, their only goal being to kill and transform as many people as possible. It seemed to have been working for a while, but then all the different werewolf attacks started picking up, more and more people dying, more and more people getting hurt. As much as she felt it was the right thing to be fighting, a part of her had started doubting her own opinions, her own beliefs.

There had just been so many attacks during the last year, so many families torn apart, so many people who had died from being attacked by a werewolf. The inkling of doubt had snuck into her head little by little over the span of the year, but the deciding factor on the doubt settling had been when her and Lennox had snuck out into the woods and had run into a man on the verge of turning into a werewolf. While transforming, he had gone in for the attack, scratching her arm. Had Lennox not lost it completely and attacked back, things might have gone so much worse. They both could have gotten killed right there in the woods, but Lennox had saved them both, while seriously hurting the man - the werewolf.

Ever since that day in the woods, Astoria had felt as though she had been fighting for a lie, she felt like perhaps she had been working toward the wrong goal, she had placed her passion on the wrong side. Perhaps she should have placed it elsewhere.

More and more frequently, Astoria had found comfort in the bottom of a bottle, drinking alcohol to lessen the fear and doubt that she was feeling. On Hogsmeade weekends, she often found herself sat in a corner booth at the Hog’s Head, sipping slowly on a butterbeer, a shot of firewhiskey waiting for her on the table. The owner had started recognising her now, pouring up her drinks as she walked into the pub, giving her a nod of acknowledgement as she took her seat. Hair put up in a bun, she took her usual seat as the barkeep brought over her drinks, but this day, Astoria went straight for the shot of firewhiskey, downing the strong liquid in one go. Lost in thought, her gaze traveled across the pub, and a pair caught her attention. They were both intoxicated, speaking loudly, making wild gestures as they drank their alcohol. Tori’s gaze settled on the pair, a skinny man with a lot of hair, he almost looked like he could be a professor, his appearance struck her as a little nerdy. His gestures were the most extreme, he was gesticulating while speaking quickly to his female companion. The female was a beautiful woman, with long, silver hair. Even while seated, the woman looked short beside her friend.

“Stop! Stop! He doesn’t sound like that,” the female said, laughing out loud.

“He so does, and if you weren’t half in love with him, you’d admit it!” Astoria recognised this sort of conversation, two friends talking about their crushes. It made her smile, thinking back to her own conversations with her friends at Hogwarts.

The blush on the silver haired females cheeks was obvious now. She told her friend to shut up, and they both started laughing. Their conversation really wasn’t the most intriguing, so Astoria’s attention moved elsewhere as the pair laughed. But then the man said something that caught her attention.

“Kinda weird being back at Hogwarts though, don’t you think?”

Hogwarts? The two of them were for sure too old to be students, Astoria had not seen either of them before, and she had been at Hogwarts for the past seven years. And they weren’t professors or working at the school. So who were these two people? And why were they at Hogwarts? Even while slightly inebriated, her instincts kicked in to dig and find out more about what they were talking about. Careful not to raise any suspicion, she picked up her drink and moved to a booth closer to where the pair was sitting, sitting with her back to them so they wouldn’t see her curious face. Sipping slowly at her beer, she sat back and listened.

“Or maybe you’re not complaining because you’re locked up with Lysander, sleeping two hammocks over,” the male voice was speaking now, back to the playful teasing. But the teasing wasn’t what was catching her attention now, it was the fact that they were talking about being at Hogwarts. Were they somehow sleeping at Hogwarts? The dungeons had been closed for a long time now, but why? Perhaps this had something to do with it. The pair were laughing again, and a silence followed the laughter.

“Seriously though, Vi… I’m worried about him. You’ve seen how much he’s been drinking, right?” Why did that name sound familiar to her, Astoria was so sure that she had heard Lysander before, but she could not place it.

“We’re all struggling, it’s why we’re here ourselves, Knox. It’s hard, being back in the castle,” the female voice said, and Astoria tried her best not to have a visible reaction, staying natural, drinking from her glass. So they definitely were inside the castle, that much was becoming clear. But why were they in the castle, and where were they staying, what were they doing there?

“You know what I mean.” The man, Knox, said. A thick, tension filled silence followed. Astoria was almost holding her breath. “It’s getting worse for him.”

“Yeah, I know. But-- you can’t say anything, you know what he’s like. Maybe we could say something to Henry.” All these names, these two faces, and Tori could not place any of them.

“Maybe.” The pair of them fell quiet for awhile, and the Gryffindor was afraid to breathe, afraid to move. There were a lot of people at the pub that evening, it was loud, but she felt the silence hang heavy on her shoulders. Not being able to see the two of them, she was almost certain that the silence was due to her being caught listening in on their conversation. Acting had never been her strong suit, but she tried her hardest to seem normal, drinking from her glass, attempting to remain inconspicuous.

“Do you think we’re actually going to make a difference?” The female asked, her name was Vi, that much she had gathered. Astoria tried not to sigh visibly from relief. She had not been caught snooping yet, but it was only a matter of time. Her moving from her original seat had been suspicious enough, but she was trying to not look suspicious, drinking from her glass, but she felt like she needed to do more to hide what she was up to. An old newspaper laid on the table, so she reached for it and flipped it open, pretending to read as she zoomed back in on the conversation happening behind her.

“Hard to say. I think we can’t do harm, that’s what I keep telling myself. We’re not doing anything wrong or making things worse.” It was the man speaking this time, and Astoria was practically at the edge of her seat, listening. What were they doing at Hogwarts? And what were they doing that they claimed wouldn’t be making things worse. The pub was rowdy and loud that night, they weren’t being careful keeping their conversation quiet, but that was the reason why she could listen in.

The female, Vi, was the next to speak. “I guess. I just wish we could do more, you know? Help those kids somehow. Tell them what’s actually going on.” So whatever this group of people was at Hogwarts for, it was for the students. It had to have something to do with the werewolves and the attacks, right? Thinking about it, Astoria’s hand fell to her forearm. It was hidden underneath her sweater, but the bandages were itching still, the wounds were taking their sweet time healing. She could barely even look at them, it was a reminder that what she was fighting for might not be worth her energy and passion. The werewolf that attacked in the forest had been raving on about her and Lennox believing themselves to be above other, but in her case, at least, that wasn’t the case. It really wasn’t the case at all.

“I heard Henry talk about that, but Lysander shut him down pretty hard…” Knox started, but was soon interrupted by Vi.

“Lysander will never let innocent children get involved. He cares too much.”

“And Lowell doesn’t care are all…”

Astoria almost turned around then, hearing the Ministers name, but at that moment, a man came flying onto the table she was sitting at, having her spill her glass of butterbeer down the front of her blouse. The man grunted in pain as Astoria jumped up from her seat, barely seeing a second man jump onto the man on the table to continue fighting with him. A bar fight, perfect. Turning around to look at the table where Vi and Knox were sitting, she found it empty. The pair of them had disappeared once the fight broke out, Tori couldn’t see them anywhere in the pub. An older lady came over to with a napkin, offering it to her, and she smiled as she accepted it, her gaze still wandering over the pub to see if she could find the two strangers. They were nowhere to be seen.

Getting herself fixed up, she decided to put on her coat and walk back to the castle. Her mind was buzzing with information, but in her slightly drunken state, she struggled putting the information into context. The dungeons had been closed for a while now, and they had never been told for what reason. Perhaps because this Lysander person was there, with some of his friends, or co-workers, were there. Vi, Knox, and this Henry person. Those were the names she had heard mentioned. Then there was the Minister for Magic, Lowell. According to Knox, he didn’t care about the students at Hogwarts, while Lysander did. But where had Astoria heard that name before, Lysander?

Stumbling slightly over her feet as she walked up the cobbled road towards Hogwarts, barely noticing where she was walking. The first thing she would do when she came back to her dorm was to write down everything she had overheard, the next step would be to tell someone she trusted about what she had heard. But who could she trust with this information at Hogwarts?

[ame-this]

So I tend to make a lot of playlists.  As you know, Spotify makes a playlist of the songs I listened to the most, but I felt the need to make a narrow list for each month I experienced during this year. Analysis as followed:

1. January - Lights Up, Harry Styles - I was hopeful. I had big shiny plans, as we all did. I felt good about things mostly.

2. February - Almost (Sweet Music), Hozier - We worked in the yard, dug a pretty pond, installed a waterfall. Things were beginning to take shape. The early spring was gentle and sweetly scented. 

3. March - hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have, Lana Del Rey - A moment of devastation. All hope was lost for a moment. Fear and despair took over. Hope was dangerous.

4. April - God, Tori Amos - This was the month of rage and frustration.  I listened to a lot of Tori Amos.  I cursed God and his minions who allowed this to happen. Those who clung in bad faith to heresy. Those who refused reason and abandoned logic. 

5. May - Stupid Love, Lady Gaga - After all the pain and rage, I had little left but Love to cling to. I partied with myself in my own living room. I danced all alone. 

6. June - Husavik, Eurovision Song Contest - When everything has just gone all wrong, what can you do but surrender to the absurdity of it all? This year I made time to let go and just enjoy the little things. Not taking life too seriously.

7. July - the last great american dynasty, Taylor Swift - After 4 stages of grief, the last is acceptance. This was the new normal, we had to get through it. Maybe things would be better soon, but it wasn’t looking good. The world was ending. Might as well have a marvelous time.

8. August - Walking on Broken Glass, Annie Lennox - Summer lingered and was brutal. In a time where I usually frolic in the sunshine, agoraphobia and depression took root like weeds. Fighting it was hard and painful. But life goes on even if we are tired of it.

9. September - Grigio Girls, Lady Gaga - A good glass of pale, cold wine and 4 hours in a Discord server are sometimes all you need. We rose a glass to friends near and far.

10. October - Come Undone, Duran Duran - Fall finally made it. Of all the spooky seasons, this one was by far the most ghostly. I felt lucky to be alive. I turned 28 in a year that made no sense what so ever. I felt like I lived in the Twilight Zone. What should have been my favorite month, felt like a whole month of pretending it was all going to be alright.

11. November - Not Ready to Make Nice, The Chicks - We watched with bated breath for days. A moment of anticipation, followed by elation. Then the sadness just came back. But that grief gave way to rage, and at least i felt something more than indifferent. The whole month was steel grey and cold, and I kind of liked it.

12. December - Willow, Taylor Swift - I would be trite in saying, “Nothing ever goes according to plan.” But it’s the damn truth. Terrible things. Good things. This was the year of things happening. All my plans got wrecked. I accomplished nothing but staying alive. But under the shooting stars and converging planets, me and my co-conspirator made new plans. I still don’t understand what all this year was about, but it was not a wasted year.

13. Epilogue -  Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads - This has just been a weird year. Some people will try to say that this year created a reset button for everyone. That we are allowed a fresh start after this is all over. Well, this is still not over. And most of us find ourselves exactly where we were, or worse. The class divide is wider than before. This once in a lifetime year will put off reverberations for a few lifetimes; however, all of this is the same as it ever was.

[thisdaynews]

A royal mess: How Brexit has tarnished the crown

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/a-royal-mess-how-brexit-has-tarnished-the-crown/

A royal mess: How Brexit has tarnished the crown

LONDON — Brexit has breached the gates of Buckingham Palace.

The battle over the United Kingdom’s departure from the European Union has rocked some of the country’s most cherished institutions. It has dominated the political debate, paralyzed parliament, pitted Tory against Tory, Labour against Labour and threatened the integrity of the Union. Then late last month, it reached out and touched the queen.

Queen Elizabeth II is the least politically assuming of any sovereign before her. Promoted in the line of succession by the abdication of her uncle, the 93-year-old monarch has spent her more than six decades on the throne cultivating a neutral and institutional role.

“The queen’s personal view is to stay out of politics,” said Robert Lacey, a royal historian and historical consultant on Netflix series “The Crown.” “It’s her nature to be shy. It’s her nature not to intervene. She doesn’t believe it’s the constitutional monarch’s role to make interventions, to change the rules or change things.”

But when Boris Johnson — the 14th prime minister to serve under her reign — asked her to shut down parliament for four weeks, she couldn’t avoid being dragged into the political fray.

Brexit has breached the gates of Buckingham Palace | Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

The queen had little choice in the matter. Tradition dictates she grant the prime minister his requests. But with Johnson’s move seen as an effort to prevent parliament from blocking a no-deal Brexit and the country so deeply divided between Leave and Remain, any answer she gave was bound to infuriate one side or the other.

And some of the reaction was, indeed, furious.

“The. Queen. Did. Not. Save. Us,” tweeted Labour MP and former frontbencher Kate Osamor. Shortly afterwards she added: “The queen should look at what happened to her cousin Tino ex-King of Greece when you enable a right-wing coup! Monarchy abolished!”

A petition launched by the anti-Brexit campaign group Best for Britain asking the queen to refuse the request from Johnson quickly racked up more than 50,000 signatures, and the sovereign was soon fielding requests from Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and Liberal Democrat leader Jo Swinson to meet with them and hear their complaints about the decision.

“A lot of people half hoped that the queen would somehow come riding in on a stallion or one of her corgis to save the day,” said Adam Wagner, a human rights lawyer and expert on constitutional law. “But the idea that the sovereign plays any substantial role in this farce is complete nonsense.”

Medieval trappings

In another political context, Queen Elizabeth’s decision to follow with tradition and grant Johnson’s request would have passed unremarked.

While the monarchy retains much of its medieval trappings, its power has been in decline ever since King John signed the Magna Carta in 1215.

According to protocol, the queen appoints the prime minister and accepts his or her resignation. She opens parliament almost every year with “the Queen’s Speech,” outlining the government’s program. The arcane tradition sees her leave Buckingham Palace in a horse-drawn carriage and ride to the Houses of Parliament, escorted by the Household Cavalry.

Once there, she leads the Royal Procession through the House of Lords, wearing the Imperial State Crown and the Robe of State. An official to the Lords, known as Black Rod, goes to the Commons to summon members and take them to the Lords Chamber. When he reaches the door of the Commons it is shut in his face and he has to knock three times to gain entry — to symbolize the authority of the Commons over the Lords. The MPs file into the upper chamber and listen as the queen reads out the government program for that parliamentary session from a throne.

Sarah Clarke, the first-ever woman to hold the position of Black Rod in the House of Lords | Pool photo by Victoria Jones via Getty Images

But formalities like these aside, the British monarchy has lost almost all of its real authority. The queen neither writes, nor necessarily agrees with the contents of, the Queen’s Speech. The last monarch to dismiss a prime minister was King William IV, who sacked William Lamb in 1834. It did not go well for him. His chosen replacement, Robert Peel, could not command the confidence of the Commons and an election was called, which Lamb won.

And the last time a British monarch refused to follow the advice of their government was in 1936 when King Edward VIII wanted to marry American socialite Wallace Simpson, said Robert Hazell, a professor of government and the constitution at University College London. Edward was forced to abdicate after holding the throne for just 12 months.

The monarchy’s few remaining powers include “the right to claim ownership of any unmarked mute swan swimming in open waters,” the titular ownership of any whales or porpoises swimming in British waters, and the right to drive without a license.

“It is no longer acceptable for a modern monarch in a parliamentary democracy to have any political power,” said Hazell, noting a similar decline of power in constitutional monarchies elsewhere in Europe.

“They are all now in effect neutered monarchs in that they no longer exercise any real political power and they have all become much less assertive,” he said.

Rule of law

Because the country has no written constitution, the queen’s role in public life and what her ceremonial powers really mean exist in a grey area. A small number of people clearly thought Elizabeth could have — and maybe should have — refused Johnson’s request to suspend parliament. But had she done so, it would have triggered a constitutional crisis.

Constitutional experts have also been quizzed in recent weeks over whether the queen might have to intervene and dismiss the prime minister if Johnson lost a confidence vote but refused to resign. The Commons would have to give a clear signal that another candidate could command a majority in order for her to do so.

Some Brexiteers have also suggested that the government neuter efforts by parliamentary rebels to delay Brexit by refusing to send their legislation for “Royal Assent,” the process by which the queen agrees to turn a bill into law. The process once required the monarch’s signature, but it is now a quick formality that does not involve her directly.

One legal expert said the constitution would be thrown into “crazy territory” if the government tried to pull such a move.

And so it’s perhaps not surprising that Johnson’s maneuver — and the queen’s involvement in it — has fueled calls for putting the constitution down on paper.

The Queen’s relationship with the prime minister is all about formality — from their first official meeting after Boris Johnson was elected, to his request that she shut down parliament for four weeks | Pool photo by Victoria Jones via Getty Images

“We can’t run a country like this, we need a written constitution,” said Conservative MP Rory Stewart. “We’re only able to survive with an unwritten constitution because people behave, but as people push the limits more and more we need to clarify this stuff.”

Labour MP and shadow Treasury minister Clive Lewis went a step further and called for a constitutional convention.

“We have a political constitution that is barely fit for the 19th century, let alone the 20th or 21st,” Lewis said. “It’s high time, once the dust has settled on Brexit, that this country really begins to understand that a democratic constitutional convention is necessary to work out what structure we are going to have for the United Kingdom.”

One of the key questions in any such venture would be the role of the monarch. “I’m not sure what the appetite is for a republic but I think that should be on the agenda as something we should discuss,” said Lewis.

While few are calling for an end of the monarchy, the creation of a written constitution could curtail its powers for good.

“With our historic norms crumbling, even ardent monarchists will see that only a written constitution can preserve the decorative role of the crown while protecting the rest of us from prime ministers acting like absolutist kings or queens,” said Anthony Barnett, the author and co-founder of the OpenDemocracy website | Pool photo by Leon Neal via Getty Images

“On one hand, you could have a written constitution that puts the monarch as a purely titular head of state that does not even have the formal power that she has now,” said Wagner, the human rights barrister and constitutional law expert. “Or you write exactly what powers the monarch has into the constitution. You could also have a president, and the queen could be a figurehead rather than have any political role at all.”

Anthony Barnett, the author and co-founder of the OpenDemocracy website, argues that the informal checks and balances that used to work in the unwritten British constitution — of Cabinet, government and the civil service, among other things — have been broken by a succession of prime ministers eager to bend the rules in their favor.

Johnson’s involvement of the queen to close down parliament was just the latest example of many.

“With our historic norms crumbling, even ardent monarchists will see that only a written constitution can preserve the decorative role of the crown while protecting the rest of us from prime ministers acting like absolutist kings or queens,” he said.

Charlie Cooper contributed reporting.

This article is part ofPOLITICO’s premium Brexit service for professionals: Brexit Pro. To test our expert policy coverage of the implications and next steps per industry, email pro@politico.eu for a complimentary trial.

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[ramrodd]

Listening to Elizabeth Warren reminds me of Adlai Stevenson. Are some people just too smart to be president?

Philosophically, that is to say, in terms of Democratic Socialism, Bernie Sanders and AOC are virtual clones, but all things Sanders are in the rearview mirror of AOC and her Green New Deal. Among other things, AOC is the future of the ERA.

COMMENTARY:

This is an excellent question. It’s exactly why I will never run for President.

My cousin Woody ran and won and his legacy is a very mixed bag. I went to Vietnam on the basis that I was the leading edge of the League of Nations, but I live in DC to try to stay as far away from white Southern Scots Presbyterians, who represent the absolute existential core of America whte supremacy, as possible. And, as a Christian, I prefer to avoid the economics of the Anti-Christ distilled in the Pro-Live Evangelical business model they generally embrace. It’s why so many of them send their children to DC with MAGA hats instead of tin foil.

Woody was smart as hell. My dad aspired to emulate him in the way Robert E. Lee attempted to emulate George Washington. I’m pretty smart, myself, but dad is really in a different league, number one, and, number two, he was probably an NT and I’m an SP and, in many was, he was from Mars and I was from Uranus. I have learned to consciously think like the way my did did like fielding a ground ball and my odd manner of acquiring knowledge has begun to pay off in my eight decade, but it’s been a long, strange trip.

Sometimes all you can do is to be willin’ to keep on truckin’.

Any of these people running could be a potent President of the United States. The Oval Office expands the capacities of the individual by literally channeling George Washington, spiritually, as an inheritance. It just does. Lincoln may be the only individual who came to office fully formed, but even he had to complete the 2 year learning curve compelled by the US Constitution.

It takes some people longer than others. JFK was as about on track, primarily because he was a very smart person in a Adlai Stevenson as PT Boat action figure kind of way. Once upon a time, Harvard produced scholars but, since the take-over of Columbia by the SDS in 1968, it’s become more of a vocational degree, like auto mechanics and HVAC engineers, than Oxford or Cambridge. There are still very smart people going through Harvard Yard, as a proxy for the American academe, but, when it comes to grand strategy, the post-modern dialectical deconstruction of the SDS forces a choice between the two wings of the Oliver Stone version of Vietnam, John Lewis Gaddis’s Kennon Long Telegram orientation on the one hand and Victor Davis Hanson’s relentless Churchhill oriented Fascist sophistry and you end up doing stupid things like the Obama Russian sanctions. Obama is a very smart man but he let himself be misled by the advice Hillary Clinton was being fed by Robert Kagan, the co-author of the Project for the New American Century that informed the invason of Iraq.

Obama likewise came to the Oval Office fully formed, but he was prevented from fully realizing his potential by a number of things, one being Mitch McConnell’s obstructionism, as a proxy for what has become the MAGA hat coalition of white Southern Scots Presbyterians who are pulling Duck Ass Don around by his dick in the way he learned to expect from Roy Cohn. Obama had absolutely no room to manuever after Rahm Emanuel squandered Speaker Pelosi’s gavel and the majority in the Senate, legislatively. Until AOC came along, the Democrats didn’t exhibit much spine and a great deal of appeasement if not out-right ideological collaboration with Newt Gingrich’s Contract with America. That was the biggest problem he faced and he got about as much out of it as possible,

But a more significant obstacle to his personal growth was Valerie Jarrett, who shaped and maintained the cacoon in which she ensconsed him. People who think like her in the Democrat conference are the biggest danger to the Green New Deal. As a business person, she is perfectly content with the Tory Socialism and class warfare of Reaganomics. The only difference between Valerie Jarrett and Condoleezza Rice, in terms of Russia, are their political patrons. Hillary Clinton and Laura D’Angelo Tyson fall into this catagory. As the leading edge of the ERA generation, they all played the hand they were dealt and represent the rising value added of the 19th Amendment and Title IX. They are the base line from which AOC has been launched, but they have become reactionary. And that’s what may have been the most profound inhibition on Obama in becoming POTUS. I’d vote for him and Hillary again because, unlike virtually any white Southern Scots Presbyterian male with an (R) behind his name, they can learn. And will learn. It just hasn’t started yet.

Elizabeth Warren falls into this generation on some issues, but, in terms of banking and securities, she represents important, if not necessary, financial structures of the Green New Deal. Finance is probably the greatest single fallacy of Marxism and the singular seat of the essential criminal intent of the Tory Socalism and class warfare of Reganomics and the macroeconomic populism of Donald Duck Ass. A HUGE difference between America in 1981, before Reagan, and the Soviet Union in 1981 was our banking system and securities milieu, both of which have been systematically corrupted by people in the GOP Deep State I associate with Donald T. Regan, Phil and Wendy Gramm, and Newt Gingrich. There are other Republican villians in the mix, but that’s a good place to start, especially when you toss in Roger Stone, Steve Bannon and Mick Mulvaney, the sort of creme de la creme of crypto-Fascist cesspool scum. If Elizabeth Warren could pass all the banking and securites legislation she desires by 2020, she would be able to hit the ground running to implement the Green New Deal without having to thing about it all that much,

In terms of learning curve, 43 didn’t really become his own president until he fired Rumsfeld and installed Bob Gates at DoD. In that respect, he had a 6 year learning curve. Until then, Cheney had basically dictatated national policy, especially in terms of Iraq’s oil. This fig leaf of spreading democracy is just that. At best, the invasion of iraq was a blunder of cosmic proportions but my personal opinion is that it was a war crime, pure and simple. The lesson Bush should have learned from Vietnam that his daddy did was to not invade Iraq.

Clinton’s Dayton Accords is the reason why the invasion of Iraq hasn’t been a bigger disaster for America and why I say Obama fucked up the US-Russian relations on the advice of Robert Kagan. Clinton should have been given a Nobel Prize for that project because it is exactly what the Marshall Plan was all about, especially as it pertains to George Kennan’s Long Telegram.

As I say, I went to Vietnam as the leading edge of the League of Nations, keeping a family heritage alive, and as part of the triangulation of the United Nations Blue Helmet Peace Keepers, the Peace Corps and the Greet Berets. We were in Vietnam to give those collateral agendas the space and time they needed to get traction, globally. Circumstances forced America to sacrifice the Republic of Vietnam towards that end, but the result, the collapse of the Soviet Union, has worked out well for us.

And the signing of the Dayton Accords in 1995 was the fruits of that grand strategy, in that the Treaty ending the Bosnian War was the first time an active conflict was put tamped down by the tactical peace keeping of the UN Blue Helments and then smothered by the combined UN Blue Helmets/NATO intervention made possible by the Dayton Accords AND the active acquiesence, if not enthusiastic participation, by Putin’s Russia. This project occurred in the TRADITIONAL Russian sphere of influence and it couldn’t have happened if they didn’t want it to, but it seems the Russians realized they didn’t have any solutions and they were willing to try something new. And when they handed over the keys to Prestinka Airport to the NATO column being led by Wesley Clark, it represented a brand new era in international cooperation. We couldn’t have conducted our operations against Terroism in that region without the strategic easement Russia continues to provide.

And this is what Obama fucked up. And he’s a very smart guy.

In regards to Donald Duck Ass, there doesn’t seem to be any constructive learning curve operating. He’s like the entire Roger Stone wing of the GOP, who are like bank robbers who get caught and go to prison but, instead of changing their ways, learn how to become better bank robbers. For example, these sanctions against South Korea, China, India, Turkey and Japan have nothing to do with any grand strategy beyond Duck Ass Don’s need to keep the Bull Market going and high prices for gas at the pump here, in the states. provides the liquidity that’s being sucked out by the 2017 Tax Reforms the markets need to keep the party going. Duck Ass Don is still running the lie, cheat and steal “Art of the Deal” pyramid scheme he has run his entire life. He has a certain genius in a Rainman kind of way but I think he understood, intuitively, at a very early age he isn’t smart at all beyond a certain animal cunning of the Brooklyn street thug with aspirations of being an uptown made man. And probably the real problem is that he has managed to surround himself with people who are even more stupid than he is, or willng to suppress their smarts for a paycheck and the future rewards that the GOP Deep State will provided once they are out of public service in the manner of John Kasich, David Stockman, Brett Kavanaug and Bob Barr before he blundered back onto the federal payroll.

By and large, Republicans have never produced an Adlai Stevenson: it’s a Democrat thing. Bernie Sanders is an example, the difference being that Sanders helped Democrats shake off the intellectual topor that had set in after the moral impotence of the McGovern campaign: McGovern was what Bernie Sanders would have been in 2016, but that’s changed. In terms of coalition building, Sanders ishe light years ahead of where he was in 2016 and in a different universe from where McGovern or Adlai Stevenson ever became.

Philosophically, that is to say, in terms of Democratic Socialism, Bernie Sanders and AOC are virtual clones, but all things Sanders are in the rearview mirror of AOC and her Green New Deal. The trade off is that, as President, Sanders and/or Warren are smart enough to implement the Green New Deal as it emerges while AOC, if she’s smart, will inherit the Speaker’s gavel and retire after a career of providing the constancy of purpose as the Green New Deal evolves as we advance past the dawning of the Age of the 19th Amendment.

And Adlai Stevenson could never have accomplished that. He wasted a great deal of energy spinning his wheels as an intellectual. Bernie was like that until 2016 BUT AOC came out of the chute with her big wheels posi-traction digging into with big chucks of dirt and the only thing really slowing her down is the ERA generation. She is the future of the ERA.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 127, October 2018

On Monday morning, Mum and I visited the Bayside Specialist Centre located in Patterson Lakes. It’s hard to explain the source of my nervous energy surrounding my first appointment with consultant psychiatrist Dr. Ricardo Peralta. Personally I do have some rational reasons for getting so worried and worked up about it including the whole new experience of seeking psychiatric treatment for my mental disorders and placing my care into that of a stranger. It’s also difficult to know exactly what to expect during the session. https://www.verywellmind.com/before-your-first-visit-380651

Considering I’ve waited over 5 weeks to see him, I’m making it a big priority of mine to get as mentally prepared as possible. Now I’ve only got one more week to wait until I hopefully get the treatment I need. The good news is that, by doing my research first, I’ve avoided some dodgy psychiatrists who shouldn’t be practicing after the reviews I read about them and also a few that charged fees that were very unreasonable. https://www.yourhealthinmind.org/psychiatry-explained/your-first-appointment

In contrast, Dr. Ricardo Peralta seems pretty reliable, decent and professional so I should be fine. I guess the purpose of today was to have a visual sense of where Dr. Peralta’s private psychiatric clinic is located and also have an idea of where to park my car and to access the centre. It did give me some peace of mind as Patterson Lakes is a lovely coastal town and much quieter than the area which I live in. Plus the centre is very close to the local shops, restaurants and cafes so there are plenty of positives to take away. https://nepeanspecialistgroup.com.au/specialists/dr-ricardo-peralta

On Monday night, I went to a Boxing small group training session at CinFull Fitness in Narre Warren South. Tonight was a challenging class for me on a few different levels. Socially it’ll always be difficult for me to fit in, although I did get recognised by a guy named Andrew and briefly chatted to the others. The problem lies in lack of shared interests and being comfortable enough to open up more. Yep that’s 32 years worth of self awareness right there.

My biggest fears often rise to the surface whenever I’m participating in high intensity physical exercise like a boxing class. Will I be able to handle it? Will I be able to keep on top of my fatigue levels? Will I be able to keep concentrating? I’ve had close calls in the past but never once passed out in a class. I think that would be the ultimate fear for me but thankfully Cinamon Guerin is very mindful about this and my limits when it comes to physical activity.

Tonight we did a combination of boxing drills and cardio exercise which required a lot of mental effort and memorisation of combos. I was partnered up with a girl named Jade who seemed to be a beginner like myself. Of course there was lots of squats, push ups, mountain climbers, Russian twists, star jumps, crab walks and wall holds and I can feel the burn pretty quickly. The most important thing is that I’m constantly trying and never giving up, even when I do struggle and need to take a break.

On Tuesday morning, Mum and I drove down to Mornington to visit Mentis Assist, which is an NDIS service provider specialising in mental health. Honestly I really had no clue what to expect out of “dropping in” to the head office but at this point I was out of ideas. It took a lot of courage and effort to come down to see if they could give me a sense of direction with my NDIS plan. I met with Matt who is the NDIS intake co-ordinator and Tracey who is the NDIS Team Leader. They led us into a small office space to have a discussion. https://mentisassist.org.au/get-in-touch/contact-us

Now the nerves were kicking in fast. Luckily I had my purple display folder filled with notes, information brochures, letters and my official NDIS plan so fall back on if I really struggled to express myself. Thankfully both Matt and Tracey were both friendly, casual and accommodating. They didn’t simply put the pressure on me or ask “What Do You Want?” with impossible expectations on me. It’s difficult when you only have a vague idea yourself.

Instead they asked structured questions about things in my life that I may or may not need some assistance with...social skills, decision making, budgeting, mental health support, counselling, group community activities and life skills development. These were some of the important ones for me and my plan did make some degree of sense to them. https://mentisassist.org.au/what-we-do/our-programs

I signed my first ever service agreement with them and it was a surreal moment for me, that I was finally making some progress and getting myself unstuck from the ditch I was in. Compared to last week, I am feeling a lot more hopeful and optimistic about actually doing something with my NDIS plan and funding and also that I’ve chosen my main provider carefully. https://mentisassist.org.au/ndis

On Tuesday afternoon, I caught up with Tori Norris who is the program co-ordinator for the Men of Doveton group. This was pretty confronting territory for me as I don’t usually open up about my feelings and I felt like I needed to in order to gain closure on this issue. The fact that Tori believed that I deserved to graduate the program was a bit unsettling for me and yet I chose to accept her offer. Her motivations were genuine too. Lately I haven’t had much self-belief and so maybe this was what I needed. To show myself that yeah I do deserve to be successful and have good things happen for me.

On Thursday morning, Mum and I attended the NDIS Plan Implementation information session held inside the private function room at Bunjil Place in Narre Warren. I had a lot of expectations leading up to this info session considering how confused, lost and stressed out I’ve been feeling since receiving my first plan. So it was a relief to hear that other participants and carers were voicing similar concerns and frustrations about their own experiences. No longer did I feel alone in this journey and now my feelings can be validated and heard instead of shoved under the carpet. https://www.ndis.gov.au/participants/understanding-your-plan-and-supports.html

Today’s info session was hosted once again by Sharna from the NDIA. She broke the presentation up in two parts. The first half focused on the different sections of the plan as well as the three types of budgets: Core, Capacity Building and Capital and how the funds are managed. In the second half, she talked about the importance of reading the NDIS Price Guide and turning your plan into supports by connecting to providers, negotiating supports, making a service agreement and then making a service booking. https://www.ndis.gov.au/finding-and-engaging-providers.html

Bringing my Mum along felt like a wise decision so that she could be educated about the NDIS system and just how complex it is to understand and learn. Whilst it was unsettling to hear the negative feedback from several people in the room, it was also justified and made me feel like I wasn’t the only one going through these struggles. It was good to note that more changes and a new plan format will be introduced from mid-November so hopefully improvement is on the way and things will eventually get easier for NDIS participants and carers.

It was also great to see Amanda Stapleton (City of Casey counsellor and ex-mayor) was participating in today’s information session and had some valid questions to ask about her own situation. A man named Bruce from Latrobe Community Health Service was also in attendance and did seem to take all of our feedback today seriously. Whilst I’ve had many frustrations and stumbling blocks in the process so far, I’m trying my hardest to be optimistic about the future as an NDIS participant and actually use my funding for positive change.

On Thursday night, I attended my first group sleep study workshop held at La Trobe University - Psychology Clinic in Bundoora. It’s been a couple of weeks since I started my involvement in the sleep research study for Autistic Adults that I’m participating in and now I’ll be starting to learn ways to hopefully improve my sleep. Driving to Bundoora was honestly a headache mainly because I was in the middle of peak hour traffic and also because I accidentally took the wrong exit off the Eastern Freeway but it’s all learning.

It was just a small group of us: three other participants as well as Dr. Lauren Lawson (Research Fellow), Dr. Eric Morris (La Trobe University Psychology Clinic Director) and Alexis (Provisional Psychologist). Firstly, they briefly explained some concepts about sleep including sleep cycles, the stages of sleep, circadian rhythms and arousal. Next we talked about what is insomnia and the ways many people try to fall asleep.

These “amplifiers” include things like taking sleep vitamins, using lavender spray, playing music, reading, listening to a guided meditation. Whilst they make work occasionally, they’re generally not considered long term solutions. We also talked about the costs of insomnia such as having poor concentration and focus, low energy levels, lack of motivation and drive, feeling more irritable and emotional, impacting on your health and wellbeing, preventing you from doing some daily activities and being a burden on your finances.

This lead into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or simply Acceptance of things like having worrying thoughts and frustrations about trying to fall asleep, letting go of the struggle and essentially letting go of control. We then discussed the barriers to changing your sleep including fear of change, discomfort, uncertainty, being stuck in current habits, having temptations or resistance.

Lastly, we wrote down a few goals that we wish to achieve relating to sleep including to fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer, have a more regular sleep routine, have less disruptions during the night, have more energy during the day, be able to concentrate and focus better, to be more productive and be able to participate more in daily activities, to lower levels of anxiety and depression.

The good thing about this group is that it’s small, casual and allows anyone to contribute their ideas, thoughts and personal experiences related to sleep and insomnia. Whilst I am quite uncertain about this new approach so far, I’m also open to trying it out. At this point, I’ll literally try anything to help me sleep better. It’s affecting my day to day living, brain function, mood and concentration levels. I’m looking forward to the next workshop.

“What you wanted so had to let it go. Brand new day is coming round the bend. Troubles reaching for the end. If you stray from the path my friend, I will pick you up again.” Alex Lloyd - Brand New Day (2006)

“There's always something taking over my mind. I know I'm crazy and I know you know. I trying harder 'cause I love you so. I want to be special. I want to be good. I want to be happy. I know that I should. Sometimes the truth. Is hard to believe. Some of us stay. And some of us leave.” Alex Lloyd - Special (2008)