#coors lite

[mateo-skywalkersmom]

My heart😍💙

[papas-majadas]

[carpwood]

all yall talk about wanting to breed him i just wanna hold his hand and bring him flowers

[uhuraisgay]

@lesbianlizzybennet tagged me in a describe yourself with 9 images you already have saved meme and i had to log onto my PHONE to do it. i hope this is funny i ijboled the whole time

tagging anyone who wants to im bad at remembering urls and the tagging system is ass on here

[hella-kitty6669]

Happy New Beer!

[toiletwipes]

Oh so the funniest part of going to a funeral on your dad's side is telling your moms side of the family what happened. Not that funerals are funny and I love my dead grandpa but he's dead and I am not normal.

I'm telling them "so yeah we got up super early and had to go make sure dad didn't need an ice bath for the funeral."

One of my aunts: "I'm sorry.. an ice bath?? What do you mean??"

Me: "you know, when you wake him up by throwing a bucket of ice on his bed"

Another aunt: "why would you need to do that"

Me, realizing this is a whole can of worms I never opened for them: .... "just in case, you never know."

Me: "so anyways they kept saying he looked good and I was normal about it but I gotta be honest he looked like a wax figure in a museum and they had a presentation on loop for 30 minutes. Awful, I tell you."

The first aunt: "you don't go to funerals often do you?"

Me: "not really. Is it-"

Her: "-because it's standard yeah."

[cal-is-a-cryptid]

Somethings that makes me happy #13:

A cold beer on a Friday night

[limoneads]

the opening scene in cobra kai where it zooms in in johnny lawrence writhing on the ground and then fades into him sleeping in his bed with the chip bag to show he LITERALLY peaked in highschool and hasn't emotionally gotten up from that moment. art. i need 800 more of these thank you

[yannisdesk]

"I'd settle for like, 4 Corona-Lites and some non-r***y affection." - Kat Hernandez

[beerstore]

Craft Beer St Kilda

In St Kilda, learn the fundamentals of craft beer. Discover our carefully chosen assortment of tasty craft beers that are sure to please beer enthusiasts. Enjoy a wide variety of styles and top-notch brews to enhance your drinking experience. For a convenient and enjoyable craft beer experience in St Kilda, place your order online. Quick delivery makes sure you can enjoy the full flavor of your selected brews right away. With our carefully curated assortment, you can embrace the craft beer movement and elevate your St Kilda experiences with unique tastes and superior craftsmanship.

[penpoise]

Coors Light Calories: Sip Smart, Stay Light

In a world where health-conscious choices intersect with social indulgence, understanding the caloric content of your favorite beverages becomes paramount. Among the array of beer options, Coors Light stands out not just for its refreshing taste but also for its low-calorie profile. I. Introduction A. Brief overview of the significance of calorie awareness In a society increasingly focused on…

[clearexpertarcade]

Mike stood shirtless in the dimly lit garage, staring down at the belly that had crept up on him over the past few months. He ran his hand across the soft curve of his stomach, feeling the weight of his choices—mostly beer and late-night snacks. Around him, empty cans of Coors Lite were scattered across the table, each one a reminder of their hope that light beer would keep them from getting fat.

Beside him, Jason was in the same boat, his shorts visibly tighter as his own gut rounded out over the waistband. Neither of them had ever been fitness enthusiasts. They didn’t have chiseled bodies or six-packs—never had. But they had held onto the belief that switching to light beer would somehow stop the inevitable.

Mike chuckled, giving his belly a jiggle. "So much for the light beer keeping this in check."

Jason glanced down at his own expanding midsection, smirking. "Yeah, it’s still beer. Guess we were hoping for a miracle."

They both laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls of the garage. Jason popped open another can and took a long drink, feeling his stomach push out even more as he leaned back against the table.

"You know," Mike said, grabbing another beer from the table, "we switched to this stuff thinking we wouldn’t have to change anything. Thought we could just keep drinking without getting fat."

Jason nodded, wiping his mouth. "Exactly. But now, here we are. Same love for beer, just with bigger bellies."

They clinked their cans together, a shared toast to their failed plan. They weren’t upset about the weight they’d gained—they had never been the kind of guys who worried about hitting the gym. But they’d hoped that light beer would be their way out, a way to keep enjoying their favorite drink without paying the price in pounds.

"I don’t think we ever stood a chance," Jason said, eyeing his reflection in the window, his belly pushing forward more than ever. "We weren’t exactly sporting six-packs to begin with."

Mike chuckled again. "Yeah, man, I don’t think we were ever gonna be ripped. But hey, round’s a shape, right?"

Jason grinned, raising his can. "Round is definitely a shape."

They both took another sip, settling into the reality they had slowly embraced. They weren’t hitting the gym anytime soon, but they weren’t giving up their beer either. The light beer hadn’t saved them from gaining weight, but neither of them seemed to mind. They were content, comfortable even, in their bodies—bellies and all.

The light beer hadn’t done its job, but it hadn’t taken away their enjoyment of life, either. And as they stood there, with another round in hand, they knew this was just part of who they were.

[maybankswhore]

𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄.

SUMMARY: you didn’t mean to fall in love with jj maybank. you knew how it would end. and yet his charming smile and blonde hair blinded you from the ugly truth and now you were engaged to rafe cameron , and stuck with jj’s love in your soul.

WARNINGS: arranged marriages , mutual pining , reader with daddy issues & mild language.

PAIRINGS: rafe cameron x reader + jj maybank x reader.

“ oh i can’t , stop you putting roots in my dreamland. my house of stone your ivy grows , and now i’m covered in you. ”

“I’m JJ.”

You had remembered the first time you had met him like it was yesterday. You could close your eyes and feel the cool breeze on your skin and hear the waves crashing against one another. Your stomach still fluttered the exact same way , the skin of your cheeks turning a similar shade of red as you pictured the way he had stood in front of you. Cut of jean shorts , a old and tattered Coors Lite t–shirt with the sleeves torn off.

He had a boyish grin on his face when he approached. Smelling of stale weed and spearmint— a scent that had become your favorite mix.

You were reluctant. You tried brushing him off , giving short answers. You weren’t even supposed to be on the cut anyway. Sarah had convinced you to sneak out with her , something that was unusual for you. Just by the look of him made your heart pitter patter in a way that just felt . . . wrong. JJ Maybank was nothing but trouble for you and you knew that. But you couldn’t fight him off. You couldn’t shake the feeling of him away , the desire to know him and the girlish bubble of warmth that encased you that night was hard for you to ignore.

That night was only the beginning. You had found yourself sneaking out more often. Your father started to annoy you more , and every time he’d try and talk to you about what was to happen in six months , the quicker you tried to avoid it.

Life with JJ was different. It was different but good. He was adventurous , always helping push you to do things you wouldn’t have normally done. The way he saw the world , how he lived it , brought a sense of longing to you. His eyes were like the ticket to freedom and it was easy to forget with him.

Falling in love with him just happened. It was silly and cliche to think that it was love at first sight. You felt childish thinking that way but every time you replayed that night in your head , something in your chest just knew. It knew that JJ was the boy that you had always dreamed about. The boy all girls wished to find , to love.

It was the fourth month when things got harder. Your father had plans. Big ones. And the closer it got to your eighteenth birthday , the faster he tried to push the process.

“You know the Cameron’s are a great deal around here.” Said your father during a Sunday dinner. “Wards boy would take care of you.”

It had been so silent , you could hear a hair pin drop. Everyone’s eyes were on you , awaiting to here your answer. Your heart was beating so loud , you were afraid it’d beat out of your chest and fall out on the dinner table. Your fork scraped against the expensive china with distaste.

“Well?”

“I’m not—” you opened your mouth to protest but you just didn’t know how. You were so used to being the best girl for him. Always done up to look pretty at his business dinners. Making the best grades so he could boast about you and make his ego inflated. That is what you were taught and that is what you were to do. “I mean , can’t we wait a little bit longer?”

“Rafe isn’t going to wait around for a wife forever , Y/N.” He told you sternly. “You’ve known about this since you were sixteen. Your mother and I need this. You need this. You won’t have to want for nothing in your life.”

God , your stomach had been so sick. You tossed and turned all night , soaking your pillow with tears. There was this ache in your chest you couldn’t shake. A dull pain that lingered throughout the day. None of it was sitting right with you. And the inability to change it.

Another month went by and Midsummers had came. The day left a dry socket in your mouth. JJ had promised to be there , kissing you goodbye the night before and telling you he’d find a way to sneak in at least one dance.

You should’ve told him then.

This big secret , this big lie , hung over your head like a bad dream. You just thought that you could ignore it. That it’d go away. You wanted to tell him. You knew you needed to break it off with him— but you were selfish. You were selfish and just a girl in love with a boy you couldn’t have.

What were you to do?

It came as a surprise when Rafe had cornered you. A sly smirk on his face as he approached you cowering away in the corner with a bad stomachache. “Well don’t you look gorgeous.”

You could only force a smile so big. Swallowing the harsh lump in your throat as you muttered a small: “Thank you,” in return.

“I’m sure you know what our parents have been talking about all summer.” Rafe hummed at you. His eyes drinking you in. You shifted uncomfortable under his gaze and your eyes refused to meet his. “I’m a man of my word , Y/N. And I never let my father down.”

You grimaced. “I’m aware.”

Rafe had leaned in so close that his breath fanned at this skin of your ear. You bit back the need to push him away and only hid the expression of disdain.

“I know your little secret with that dirty Pogue. . .” his words were icey. The tone of his voice caused a sinking feeling in your stomach and a swirl of panic within you. “I don’t like to share what’s mine and I don’t plan to start. You tell him or I will.”

And with that Rafe had backed up and left you alone to rush into the bathroom in tears , with nothing but overwhelming hopelessness. You weren’t his. You never would be.

Not when JJ Maybank had already implanted himself inside of you , tangling up with your soul so tightly that it was hard to breathe without him.

When the time came to finally tell him. He had already knew. Word got out and Kiara had gotten to him first.

He stood in front of you on the beach. The very same beach , the very same spot that he had first met you.

You bounced over to him ready to see him. You had missed him. But the smile on your face fell when you were met with a teary eyed JJ.

“You’re marrying him?”

The look on your face said it all. You stammered out something that resembled a response but all it sounded like was blubbering. A humorous , dry laugh escaped JJ’s throat as he looked away from you. Hands tugging at his hair. “No fuckin’ way.”

“JJ please— you don’t— you don’t understand.” You tried reasoning. A lump already forming in your throat as you tried to find some way to ease the situation.

“How long have you been seein’ him?” JJ fired the question at you. His emotions on fire as he shifted between anger and hurt and most of all— betrayal. “What the fuck was this?” He motioned between the two of you. “Was I just a stupid fuckin’ game? Something to piss off daddy?”

His words were like knives. You shook your head at him quickly. “JJ no! Of course not. I love you. I haven’t been seeing him— I haven’t!”

“Yet your marrying him!” JJ shouted. “I gotta say , Y/N. You really got me good. I thought. . .” the crack in his voice only made you cry harder. “I thought you were different.”

“I didn’t have a say! I didn’t have a choice!” Your own voice scared you. It was loud , raw. Your eyes chased his pacing body around the beach desperately. “I tried talking my father out of it. He’s had this arrangement in the books for years and I didn’t know until before I met you. Before everything changed for me. I—”

“Then why? Why did you keep coming around? Why did you keep seeing me if you knew. . .” JJ felt like a pussy. He was so angry. So mad at the world and the circumstances. His friends told him not to go and fall in love with you. They told him to leave you alone. But he was too hard headed and infatuated to listen. You had made him feel things he never even considered feeling before— he loved you without even knowing what love was.

“I tried JJ.” You reasoned. “I tried staying away but I just couldn’t. I—” you shook your head as you tried to find anything you could to make it better but you knew there was nothing. “I love you so much.” You told him breathlessly. “And I hate that I wasn’t honest with you but I just thought I could change it. That it wasn’t real.”

JJ couldn’t stand anymore. He feel to his knees , dropping onto to the sand as he felt that organ in his chest slowly come to a stop. Everything was happening so fast. He had just got you and before he knew it , you were leaving. JJ didn’t know if he could recover from this. He fell for you too hard , too fast. “I can’t watch you marry him. I just can’t. Not when. . .” he sighed deeply and looked up at you. Eyes glazed and sad. “Not when I’m the one you should be with.”

You kneeled down in front of him. Sniffling a bit as you tried calming down. You reached out to touch his face softly and JJ let out another cry , absentmindedly leaning into the palm of your hand. “I am so sorry , JJ. I’m just so sorry.”

JJ was quiet for a minute. His eyes were screwed shut hoping that when he opened them again , everything would just be a bad dream. Though it wasn’t. And he was met with your sad eyes looking back at him with regret.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Bullshit.” JJ scoffed. “There’s always a choice.”

You shook your head at him gently. Bursting with everything but what you wanted. Happiness. JJ gave you all of that and yet , you weren’t allowed it. It wasn’t fair. Nothing in this life had seemed fair. “I tried. I begged and begged him not to make me do this but he won’t listen to me. He only cares about money.”

“We could runaway.” JJ said suddenly.

The thought was immediate. Everything swirling in his mind as to how to make it happen. It wasn’t ideal but it was a solution. The only solution.

“JJ—”

“I’ve got some money saved up. We could take the boat and leave. Just you and me.”

“You love it here.” You told him softly. “Your friends are. . . your life.”

“I won’t love it anymore without you.” JJ argued. “Even if you did marry him , I’d leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I can’t—” JJ shook his head and swallowed harshly. He brought a hand up behind your neck and brought your face closer to his. His forehead rested against yours as his eyes fluttered closed. “Please just. . . leave. Leave with me.”

You weren’t sure how this would go. There were so many uncertainties. So many people would be hurt. You’d be leaving behind the only life you ever knew for a boy you had met on the beach. But picturing life with Rafe Cameron wasn’t the way you wanted to spend the rest of your days on this island. Just the thought made you feel sick.

So before you could think it , your mouth opened and your heart spoke before your head got the chance to argue.

“Okay. I’ll go with you.”

part two?

[tightjeansjavi]

The Rite of Movement | drabble

“Daddy’s not bluffing, baby love”

A/N: you know you’re super dedicated when you find yourself at home ✨practicing✨ just so that the smut makes sense and is easy to visualize 👹 and just when I thought that Joel and baby love couldn’t get any nastier…😮‍💨 oh, and just in case anyone gets confused with the addition of Ellie, this is after she’s adopted (spoilers, but not really bc she’s Joel’s kid in every universe let’s be real)

~word count: 2.0k~

Summary: Ellie is away at Dina’s for the weekend leaving you and Joel with the house completely to yourselves

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: smut, established relationship. reader and Joel are pornstars, Joel is in his 40’s reader is in her 30’s, big ole fat daddy kink, fingering, unprotected piv, big dom energy from Joel, baby love is acting like brat, sexual punishment, spanking, degrading language but it’s hot, okay?, use of slut, brat, etc, semi-public sex, voyerism (Tommy), language, mentions of alcohol, Ellie exists in this universe!!, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is baby love, +18 minors dni!

series masterlist

Ellie was away for the weekend with Dina and her family leaving you and Joel with the house completely to yourselves…which was a rare occurrence these days.

You and Joel have since then moved the home studio back to the Miller-Co office. You aren’t doing much filming these days, anyway. This was a mutual decision, and this also gave Tommy the opportunity to show Joel that he could handle the business on his own come the day that you and Joel would eventually retire. But with Ellie gone for the weekend, you and Joel had the time to relax and that’s how you found yourselves spending the morning by the pool.

Joel was comfortably laying poolside, cheaters perched on his nose that was buried in the book he was reading that Ellie had recommended to him. Artemis was laying by his feet, bathing in the sun while you were lounging in the pool. You had discarded your bikini top to the pool's edge to avoid any tan lines while you were lounging on your stomach along one of the extremely comfortable, and extra durable inflatables.

Artemis had grown curious of the water as she watched you float by, and before Joel could stop her, she hopped down from the chair and trotted over to the pool's edge. She was an agile little thing, having no problem jumping right onto your bare back and curling up against your warm, sunbathed skin.

Joel shook his head, muttering under his breath as he reached for his phone so he could take a picture while you reached one hand behind your back to give her a few gentle pets.

He posted the photo to his instagram with the caption: my two sun babies 🌞💓

Ellie had texted the family group chat immediately when she saw the photo:

I hope you’re disinfecting the pool before I get home 🙄

Joel: shouldn’t you be off your phone and paying attention to Dina, kiddo? 🤔

Ellie: u text like an old man lol

Baby Love: lol. He does

Tommy: where was my invite?

Joel: I do not text like an old man 😡

-to Tommy: inappropriate

Ellie: do too 🤭

Tommy: inappropriate that I wanna come over and swim?? Get ur head out of the gutter lol

Joel: do not

Baby Love: you’re not gonna win this one, baby.

Ellie: see, even mom agrees!

Joel: there’s too many gals in this household 🙄

Ellie: yea, man! Ur outnumbered lol

Joel: don’t I know it

Tommy: I’m coming over

Joel: no you’re not

Baby Love: can you bring a case of Modelo’s?

Ellie: I don’t think Tommy knows what those are lol

Joel: how would you know what those are? 👀

Ellie: did I say something?

Tommy: why can’t u just be normal and drink Coors Lite lol

Joel: don’t start gaslighting me young lady

Baby Love: because unlike u, I have taste

Ellie: ooooh burn

Tommy: ouch 😓 I thought we were friends!

Joel: 😒

Ellie: I’m more of a Modelo gal myself

Joel: ELLIE

Baby Love: that’s my girl!

-to Tommy: we are friends 🩷 you just have shit taste in beer

Joel: where are u getting beer from

Ellie: that’s none of your beeswax

Joel: Ellie Miller, I will ground your ass so fast the second you get home

Baby Love: it was me. I’m the culprit

Tommy: I don’t forgive u

Ellie: don’t punish mom! She said I can drink as long as I’m safe 😇

Tommy: lol I’m not coming over, I changed my mind!

Baby Love: but my Modelos :(

Joel to Baby Love in a private chat:

“Who the fuck do you think you’re callin’ a pussy?!” He growled from the chair, completely sitting up now with his legs swung over the side just as you quickly tucked your phone underneath your left boob and looked over your shoulder at him with a faux innocent expression on your face.

“I am, pussy.”

“Wanna say that a third time?” He challenged you, standing up with his hands planted on his hips as he approached the edge of the pool. Even Artemis sensed the tension rise so she quickly hopped off your back as soon as the raft was close to the pool's ledge.

“Artie.” You frowned, “come back. Daddy’s only messing! He’s not actually gonna do anything!” You grabbed your phone from under your boob and carefully placed it on the pools ledge so it wouldn’t get wet, and just as you were about to push the raft back to the middle of the pool to float away, Joel hand crouched down and grabbed ahold of the corner of the raft, yanking you towards him.

“I said, wanna say that a third time?” He snipped.

Oh he’s mad now, alright.

You let out a huff, rolling over onto your back so your bare tits were on full display with your arms languidly crossed behind your head as you peered up at him through your sunglasses, smirk plastered on your pretty lips, “daddy’s a pussy and he’s not gonna do anything about it.” You chimed.

“Fuckin’ little brat.” He muttered as he pushed your raft away from the ledge before he dove in underneath it.

You quickly flipped over onto your stomach, pathetically attempting to paddle away just as he resurfaced with his face inches away from your dangling ankles. You let out a playful squeal when he nibbles on your calf as his big hands and broad arms easily slide up your thighs, thumbs looping through the flimsy strings that are barely holding your bikini bottoms together. Even in the deep end of the pool, Joel is standing, more like…looming over the raft and casting a dark shadow over your bare back.

“Don’t think ya heard me the first time, baby love.” He rasps, yanking your bikini bottoms down swiftly over your ass and thighs, “said that you had ‘bout five seconds to take these flimsy ass bikini bottoms off before I did it for you.” He tuts, grasping the outside of your thighs as he pulls you further down the length of the raft as if you’re just a measly rag doll. “And then what do ya do?” He asks, not needing a response.

“You call me a fuckin’ pussy.” He bends over, harshly biting at your left cheek, leaving visible indentations in your skin from his canines, “slutty little brat my girl is, hmm?” He teases, biting down on the right cheek as you let out a squeal.

He pulls back, marveling at his work before he brings the palm of his hand down against the meatiest part of your left cheek hard enough to send your back arching in surprise. He watches your plush skin recoil before he does it again, and then the same to the right cheek.

“I’m—I’m sorry, daddy! You aren’t a pussy! Not even close to being one!”

“You ain't sorry, baby love. Cus’ this is what you wanted all along, right? Wanted your daddy to come in here and teach his bratty little slut a lesson? Well, your wish is comin’ true!” He chuckles, using his thumbs to spread your cheeks apart before he spits a glob of saliva between them, watching it drool and drip between your ass and thighs. “Show me your fuckin’ pussy, baby love. Be a good girl now for daddy.”

“Yes, daddy.” You mewled, “you got me. It was my plan all along.” you suppress a giggle, lifting yourself up on your elbows as you spread your thighs apart, arching your back further so he had a clear and direct view of your pussy. “You gonna give my pussy a kiss daddy? I’m really sorry.” He doesn’t need to see your face to know that you’re pouting.

He scoffs, dropping his hands down from your ass to spread you open further. He intently watches the way your little hole pulses under his harsh stare, begging for any form of stimulation. “You think I’m gonna give your pussy a kiss, baby love? Think you deserve that?” He snickers, leaning in to drag his nose right through your slick folds, inhaling deeply before he pulls back, “think you oughta just take whatever daddy fuckin’ gives ya, sweet girl.”

“Oh, fuck.” You whimpered, dropping your head between your shoulders, “Daddy, please. I’m so sorry for calling you a pussy! I’ll—I’ll never do it again, I swear!”

“Hush up, baby love. Quit your whinin’ and take what daddy fuckin’ gives you.” He growled. It was a miracle that even with his added weight to the float, the damn thing didn’t pop from the pressure as he wasted no time to slip two of his thick fingers inside of your pussy till they were knuckle deep with his palm pressing flat between the apex of your thighs. You felt the weight of his chest and shoulders pressing into your back while his fingers shallowly thrusted inside of you at a merciless pace, scissoring you open with each thrust, creating ripples in the water below the raft.

O—oh—oh fuck! Fuck! Fuccck!” You cried out, lurching forward as his fingers pistoned inside of you, “daddy, please! Please! I’m sorry!” Your eyes rolled back in your skull when he crooks his fingers, curling them against the spongy spot inside of you that has you seeing spots of stars cloud your vision.

He’s leaned over you completely now in a possessive manner. His lips at your ear, teeth nipping and biting anywhere they can, “if you’re a good fuckin’ slut for daddy, maybe he’ll reward you with his cock, because you and I both know that’s what my girl wants is her daddy’s thick cock splittin’ her in fuckin’ half. Ain’t that right, baby love?”

“YES!” You yelled, voice strained and on the verge of cracking as you started to roll your hips back against his hand, meeting the harsh thrusts of his fingers just as the back gate opened—

“Hey! I brought the Modelos—OH FUCK!” Tommy yelled in surprise, nearly dropping the case of beer in his arms at the sight of you coming undone around Joel’s fingers.

“GOD DAMMIT, TOMMY! I FUCKIN’ SAID YOU COULDN’T COME OVER!” Joel snapped, thrusting his fingers faster as he briefly glanced over his shoulder at his brother, “can’t ya damn well see I’m a little busy punishin’ my girl for bein’ a fuckin’ brat?!”

You weakly waved in Tommy’s direction, before completely giving into the pleasure with a blissed out look plastered on your face, “pass me one of those when we’re done! I’m parched!”

“Yeah, you’re fuckin’ parched alright.” Joel growled against your ear.

“Some things never change, ain’t that right Artie?” Tommy snickered as he attempted to crouch down and pet her, but she hissed and swatted at his hand.

“TOMMY!” Joel snapped, using his freehand to push his swim trunks over his hips so that he could replace his fingers with his cock. “Make yourself useful and gimme one of those beers, would ya!” He spit into his palm as his cock sprang free and slapped up against his stomach. He gave the base of his cock a few quick pumps before he slipped his fingers out of you, your pussy made a wet squelching noise as he slowly fed you his cock, inch by inch, stretching you open till he was bottomed out with his hips firmly pressed against your ass. The float had deflated considerably, but man, it was a trooper.

Tommy walked over, beer in hand, doing his best to not smirk at the scene unfolding before him as he held the beer out in Joel’s direction. “What did she do this time?” He mused.

Joel snatched the beer from his hand, twisting the cap off with his teeth before he took a swig, bringing his freehand down against your ass.

“I called him—fuck.” You moaned deeply, lip harshly taken between your teeth when he stretched you open. God, did you love your man’s cock.

“She called me a fuckin’ pussy.” Joel snapped his hips forward with his hand acting as an anchor around your hip. He took another swig from the bottle, blunt fingernails digging into your skin, “now fuck yourself on daddy’s cock like the good little slut that you are, baby love.”

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[panties-on-boys]

scary dog privileges poolverine

explicit 18+

tags: jealousy, top wade, bottom logan, dirty talk, breeding, mean wolverine, cowboy position, the author loves italics lol, anal no prep (healing factor mwah), vague feminization, i love you kink if that’s a thing

Everything in this fucking bar is sticky.

Though he’s really trying to be the supportive boyfriend here, Wade has yet to convince himself of a single positive trait this place actually has. It’s loud, it smells, and some ginger with (Wade assumes) a hairless asshole has been flirting with him for the whole five minutes Logan’s been in the bathroom.

“I like your suit.” Slurs the stranger.

He’s tall, but he doesn’t have any cool fangs or cool claws, so Wade does not care. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t even look at the guy, too busy poking the ice in the bottom of his Sex on the Beach with a straw.

Unabashed, the stranger doesn’t let Wade’s clear disinterest deter him. “Why red?” He asks.

Wade glances toward the bathroom and tries to summon Logan with their soulmate connection. “So the little babies of the world can’t tell when I’m bleeding. I do all the murdering for the children.” Deadpool replies sarcastically.

The man nods sagely and takes a long drink of his Coors Lite, like that was the deepest thing he’s ever heard.

Wade huffs a sigh of annoyance inside of his mask. He was hoping that would scare the guy away, but lots of people around here have a superhero fetish so it only serves to make him close even more fucking space. Ugh. Is there a nice way to explain to a stranger that they’re moments away from becoming the Wolverine’s puppet, speared three times up the ass? A, you know, let ‘em down easy sort of delivery, but one that really gets it across that they’re flirting for their life?

“You here alone?” Asks the redhead, leaning into Deadpool’s eyeline.

Wade, again, pointedly ignores him in favor of shoving the ice cubes around in the bottom of his glass. “No dude. And my boyfriend is literally the Wolverine so if I were you, and I cared about keeping that hand… I might consider removing it.”

As if summoned, in all of his six foot three inch glory (six-eleven if you count the eight scrumptious inches imprisoned behind his very sexy full-yellow suit, woof), Wolverine emerges from the bathroom. He stops dead in the doorway, the light behind him surrounding his frame like a halo.

Wade’s eyes are already there even before Logan is, drawn to the glinting silver of his claws… which are already fucking out, and he leads with them, God forgive him.

The stranger removes his hand, much too slowly.

Wade can hear the Wolverine growling all the way from the bar. His skin starts getting tingly. Secretly, he loves this part.

Before he can even register it, Logan’s pressed up behind the redhead, every single inch down his body, the tip of one claw to his carotid artery like a shank. “That’s my boyfriend you’re chattin’ up.” He says, low into the stranger’s ear.

Wade crosses his legs and squeezes his thighs together. Fuck, this is gonna get hot. He picks up his glass, stirs his ice around, and says, “I told him, Daddy.”

“You shut the fuck up, slut.” Logan spits. “Lettin’ other men touch you at the bar, I’m shakin’ my fucking head… there’s a motherfuckin’ katana on your back. Two katanas, Wade.”

The man has turned white. He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing dangerously against the point of the blade.

Wade smiles. “Ooh… first names? You’re big pissed.” He sips his drink and kicks his feet a little.

The stranger stutters, and Wade thinks he says something like, I didn't know, sorry, but it’s garbled by the pathetic fear that he knows Wolverine can smell on him.

Logan growls, and the man goes still. “Did he know?” He asks Wade.

“Promise, I told him. Scout’s honor.” Wade grins. “I told him even that my boyfriend is the Wolverine, he didn’t seem to think that was such a big deal.” He shrugs.

Logan scoffs and clicks his tongue.

Wade leans back against the bar, sips his drink, and watches with a little too much glee as Logan shoves the stranger down to land hard on the dirty bar floor.

The man scurries backwards on all fours until he can get up, then practically sprints for the exit.

Wade sighs dreamily and looks to Logan.

He looks livid.

It’s everything Wade has to not start giggling. He holds his glass up for a cheers.

Instead, Logan snarls, grabs his arm, and they’re home in less than ten because he drives very recklessly and gropes Wade through his suit the whole time.

He gets carried inside, slung over the Wolverine’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

In their room, Logan drops Wade to his feet just for the satisfaction of pushing him into the bed. He lands with a little oof.

Dogpool follows the commotion, trots to a stop right outside the open doorway and heels to tip her head inquisitively.

Wade is already panting with the anticipation when he tells her, “Go on, girl. You don’t wanna see what Daddy’s gonna do to me,” and grins.

Logan growls and kicks the door shut. “Stop fuckin’ callin’ me that.” He says, pulling off his gloves.

Wade smiles sweetly and tugs his mask over his head from the back.

Logan starts tearing off his own costume as Wade watches with a hungry grin, not bothering to even try to pretend he isn’t totally and irredeemably turned on right now. He lifts his hips up toward nothing.

When Wolverine gets down to just his skin tight boxer briefs– whore– he looks Wade in the eye. Then, he pulls his claws out again.

Deadpool scoffs. “Oh c’mon baby, don’t be like that.” He grins. “I promise I told him who I belonged to. And I didn’t touch him, didn’t even look at him.”

Logan can tell from the tone of his voice, he’s not taking this fucking seriously at all. The claws go back in before he reaches out and starts tugging Wade’s suit off, ignoring him in favor of getting the useless bastard naked.

Logan’s hunch is only further confirmed by Wade’s stupid fucking mouth, which never ever stops, when it opens again and says, “Even when he put his hands alllll over me, I didn’t look at him.”

That does it.

Logan climbs onto the bed and straddles his hips, grumbling.

Deadpool smiles like the fucking idiot he is and puts his hands behind his head, mocking him pretty much. Fucking asshole.

Logan leans down, his lips brushing with Wade’s as he talks, and asks, “You think this is funny, do you?” Stupid motherfucker. “I should’ve fuckin’ killed that guy. The blood would be on your hands.”

Wade bites his lip and squirms, trying to suppress his growing smile and failing. “Oh nooo. That’d be the first time that’s ever happened to me, too. I can see the headlines now: Mercenary, Wade Wilson, Finally Gets Some Blood on his Hands.”

Logan grins because… okay. That one was actually funny. But he dips down to hide it, sinking his sharp teeth into Wade’s shoulder as a punishment for that stupid motherfucking mouth. He doesn’t care if it was funny.

“Ow, fuck! Bad dog.” Wade huffs, half-heartedly swatting at him.

Logan licks at the bite mark. The skin is already healed over again by the time he pulls away to look at it, so he moves up to kiss Wade, automatically licking into his open mouth.

Wade hums, and when they break, pants, “I should get hit on by strangers more often.”

“No, you shouldn’t.” Logan replies, voice low and dangerous. He presses a hand to Wade’s neck.

Wade’s eyes roll back in his head and his hands come up to grab at Logan’s wrist.

“I’m serious. You’re all fuckin’ mine.” Logan snarls.

Wade can’t breathe and he fucking loves it.

“Do you understand?”

Wade shakes his head and grins, so Logan tightens his grip.

“You can go out and find any inadequate, under-endowed fuckin’ loser you want. I just want to make sure you know,” he’s seething, his nails biting in, “you will never, ever find it like me again. Nobody knows your body like me, what you like how I do. Nobody will care about makin’ you come more than once, you spoiled fuckin’ brat. You should be thankin’ me on your knees. I’ll tell you why.” Logan spits. He rolls his hips down into Wade’s, one time.

The friction is addicting. Wade whines for it, despite that he does not have anywhere near enough fucking air in his lungs to be whining.

“You can fuck whoever you want, see if I fuckin’ care because at the end of the day, I know.”

Logan releases the pressure and Wade gasps for breath, giggling deliriously.

“You will always come crawlin’ back for this.”

He grinds down again and Wade moans, “Thank you,” and sucks in another greedy breath. “Don't be mean to me, Daddy.” He rasps. “I promise I won’t get hit on by strangers anymore.”

Logan growls, “If I see you let another person talk to you like that again, I will fucking kill them,” and he even tacks the g on this time to show how serious he is.

Wade grins, mostly because he knows it isn’t an empty threat. Logan’s that crazy, which is unbelievably hot because so is Wade. He reaches down and runs his fingertips along the waistband of Wolverine’s underwear.

Logan grabs his wrists and pins them to the bed under one hand. “Don’t you touch me.”

Deadpool whines.

Wolverine kisses him, all tongue this time, and then pulls away. “You’re so fuckin’ greedy. Can’t even last five minutes without being in the fuckin’ spotlight.” He says.

Deadpool whines again, higher, and wriggles beneath him.

“And you think you have the right to touch me, hah.” Logan spits, literally dripping venom. Why it makes Wade harder than a brick house is beyond him. “I should give you fuckin’ nothin’. Letting strangers put their hands on you at the bar, just to get my attention. Tch.”

Wade just giggles dazedly, rolling his hips up into Wolverine’s ass.

Logan growls and bares his teeth, which is supposed to be threatening Wade guesses? “Hey, have you ever heard of just fuckin’ askin’? Huh?”

Wade huffs and pulls where the Wolverine has his wrists pinned. “Please lemme touch you.” He slurs.

“You’re so fuckin’ lucky I’ve been horny since you made blueberry pancakes this morning. I should give you nothin’, you greedy bitch.” Logan tells him again, rocking his hips down into Wade’s.

Eagerly, Wade moans and rolls his hips back up, huffing, “Your favorite.” Nobody knows you like I do. Then, “C’mon, let me touch.”

With a little growl of frustration, Logan caves. He lets Wade’s hands go.

They instantly pull the gloves off and come straight for Wolverine’s chest, raking desperate nails down its front. Then, Wade grabs Logan’s hips and pulls him into a grind.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Wade purrs.

Logan grunts and leans down, panting into his open neck.

Wade turns to talk into his ear, “I love you.”

And then Logan whimpers. There it is.

Wade smiles, “That’s it puppy, there’s my boy…” He hears the metal snikt of Logan’s claws by his head and his smile spreads into a grin. “I don’t care. Gut me. I’m all yours, forever and ever, until death do us part or you get a restraining order, which I will then violate so many times they’ll have to put me in jail.”

Logan growls under his ear, “We’d be the worst exes.” He slips into a rhythm without even realizing it, really, just rolling his hips into Wade’s because it feels good. “I’d fuck you in the bathroom during visitation.”

Wade huffs a little laugh. It’s so nice to laugh during sex. It makes his chest ache. “So say it back.” He purrs.

Wade’s right arm leaves to dig around in the bedside table. Logan grunts and nibbles his earlobe.

Wade pulls back with the bottle, popping the cap with his thumb. Like Pavlov’s dog, Logan hears the sound of it and pulls Wade’s boxers off first so he can slick his cock while he sheds his own briefs.

“I’m only yours, Wolvie. You can stop stressin’ so much.” Wade purrs, mimicking Logan’s accent.

Logan huffs and climbs into cowboy. Wade dutifully lines himself up, more than eager to get inside of him.

“I only wanna be with you.”

Logan sits back on his heels, taking Wade with no prep. “Ah, fuck,” he hisses through his teeth, nails digging in where his hands are holding himself up on Wade’s chest.

“Feels good baby?” Wade asks, admiring the way Logan’s cock ticks and drips onto his stomach.

“Uh huh,” Logan groans.

“Nobody else can make me feel like this.” Wade purrs, a slick hand on Logan’s left hip and a dry one on his right. He holds him still and fucks up into him like that, moaning at the way he can feel himself forcing Logan open around the width of his cock, fuck. “You’re so tight.”

Logan whimpers back, “Feels so huge.”

Wade grins. He’s always loved the hubris of dick praise. “Was made to fuck you, babygirl. I’m never going back, swear to God. Nobody has it like this.”

That finally earns a rock back from Wolverine, and he drags his nails down a little until Wade bleeds, only for a second. “I’ll– fuckin’ kill–” Logan puffs, “m’serious…” he trails off. He can’t even fucking think with the stretch.

Deadpool laughs under his breath. “What’s that, angel baby?” He teases.

Logan sits up a little and pushes back until Wade bottoms out. God, it is incomprehensibly fucking tight. “Don’t fuckin’ do it again.” He spits.

Wade’s mouth drops open and his hands dig in, pulling Logan onto his cock with newfound enthusiasm. “Never. I’ll never do it again, promise.” He grins. “Scout’s honor.”

Logan growls, low in his chest. Irritating motherfucker. “Shut up,” he mumbles, and he starts to bounce in Wade’s lap.

It isn’t just dirty talk, he actually does feel huge… Logan swears he can feel it in his ribs, especially when he’s on top like this. His cock jumps and drips again, and Wade brings his slick hand down to wrap around it.

“You’re so fucking pretty baby,” Wade mutters, which makes Logan roll his eyes a little. “Nobody compares to you.” He purrs. “Ooh, I’m so lucky.”

The dry hand on Wolverine’s hip pulls him down to meet Wade’s next thrust. The skin on skin slapping is disgustingly obscene, and only getting louder as Logan starts getting fucked in real earnest.

“Wade, my God,” Wolverine mutters helplessly.

“MJ if ya nasty,” Wade grins.

“You’re so fuckin’ frustrating.” Logan grumbles. He starts to bounce back a little harder against Wade’s thrusts, soft uh uh uhs hidden in his every exhale.

“You sound so gorgeous angel,” Wade pants back, starting to stroke Logan’s cock in his sticky fist, made even stickier with precome. “You get so wet.” He purrs.

Wolverine finds himself torn between fucking himself back on Wade’s dick or thrusting into his fist. “Feels so good,” he basically drools.

“Nobody in the world as pretty as you sweetheart,” Wade coos. “So tight and so wet and so pretty.”

“Wade, shut up,” Logan whimpers, but the hot pink flush that settles over the bridge of his sun-speckled nose is so painfully obvious.

“I know you like it princess. This is what you want, right? Want me to–” Wade pauses to fuck up into Wolverine a little harder and grunt, “to tell you how you’re so beautiful, you’re so irreplaceable?”

Logan whines and rolls his hips into Wade’s waiting hand, a pointed decision.

“You’re fucking irreplaceable babydoll.”

Logan flutters his eyes open and looks down at Wade. He stares through his clumped lashes, stuck in spikes with tears from the burn of the stretch.

Wade brings up his free hand, cupping Logan’s jaw. “My hero. Isn’t that right? You and me, forever, us against the world kitty.” His thumb drags over his lover’s lower lip on the drop back down to hold his waist.

Wade coos at him, at his big wet puppy eyes.

It’s sweet. Honestly. Sometimes, Logan just gets soft, sort of insecure… Wade secretly loves it, wrapping him up in his arms and whispering praise into his ear until he feels better. He loves it, loves the way he can take Logan apart with just a few compliments.

He picks up the drag of his hand.

Logan growls under his breath and tips his head back to bare his throat, and Wade drags him down by the hip onto his cock, over and over until his breath gets tight.

“D’you like it, angel?” He asks, seething through his teeth.

“Yes,” Wolverine gasps, leaning down to lick into Wade’s mouth. Wade licks back, tongue curling around the sharp points of Logan’s laterals.

Wade breaks the kiss to pant, “Yeah, you feel fucking amazing.”

The Wolverine keens for him. Wade never stops talking, but during sex he’s especially loose with it. Logan mumbles, “shut up,” again, but he secretly loves it and Wade fucking knows that.

“Nobody out there tight like you.” On and on and on. “Can fucking feel you, sucking me in.”

Logan whimpers, “Jesus, Wade,” and Wade bites back another MJ if ya nasty because he’s pretty sure it’ll all go away if he really says it again.

So instead, he purrs, “I love you baby,” and grins like a fucking crazy person. “Nobody compares to you. You’re the best Wolverine.”

And Logan throws his head back and sobs as he comes white and hot over the backs of Wade’s fingers.

Wade watches the first three shots climb up to his own collarbones, then the next three dripping over his knuckles, and by the end of it he’s been smiling for so long his face hurts.

Logan keeps bouncing in his lap. “C’mon, come inside,” he slurs, sounding totally delirious.

That’s what Wade loves about this Wolverine. Even though, most of the time, he’s on the bottom… he’s still so giving. He always keeps going until Wade comes, begs him to, even. It’s the hottest fucking thing in the entire world.

Logan leans down and sinks his teeth into Wade’s neck. Then, his lips come up a little to kiss the corner of Wade’s mouth, printing him red, and he whispers, “I love you.”

Wade moans, “Oh fuck yes,” and buries himself as deep as he can get, coming inside of Logan with literal fucking intention. It feels like it lasts forever, and Logan keeps rocking back against him over and over to ride it out until Wade starts to whine.

Logan collapses on top of him, Wade still inside, and pants like a dog into his ear.

“Jesus Christ,” Wade mutters.

Logan huffs a breathless little laugh. “MJ if I’m nasty?” He asks, voice rough with the lingering remnants of being fucked out of his God damned mind.

Wade groans and rolls his hips again. “You’re my fucking soulmate.”

[arcanefox207]