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metaphysiical · 2 years

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[ jessica alba | cis woman | she/her | forty-three ] —— welcome to grimrose, barbara ortega. it’s cool that you’re here, you know. haven’t you heard of the history of this place… anyway, how’s being a tourist who has been in town for one week, especially since you spend most of your days as a fictional romance author? also, not that it’s a bad thing, of course, but i’ve heard people say you can be a little melodramatic more than you are charismatic… but that’s just coming from people who are bored here, i promise. to me, you remind me of dreams by the cranberries and deep red wine filled to the brim of a glass, a tightness in your chest that loosens faster than anticipated, and the realization that you never knew what real love was until you lost it. hope to see you around, barbie.

pinterest | inspos: charlotte york (sex and the city), izzie stevens (greys anatomy), helen (bridesmaids), hermione granger (harry potter), the protagonist in like, any hallmark movie lol

full name — barbara dolores ortega torres nickname(s) — barbie name meaning — foreign, exotic, strange age — forty-three date of birth — july 1st place of birth — miami, florida current location — grimrose, new hampshire gender — cis woman pronouns — she / her religion — catholic, non-practicing occupation — fictional romance author education level — masters degree in creative writing residence — renting out a room at the white whale inn family — christian torres, ex-husband & gabriella torres, daughter & parents and older siblings finances — pretty well off from her (ex)husbands business mixed with her own money from multiple publications spoken languages — english, spanish faceclaim / voiceclaim — jessica alba

background — tw: divorce

barbara ortega grew up with an amazingly supportive family. as the youngest of her siblings, she was always the baby of the family and treated especially as such by her parents. she’s still incredibly close with them, even her siblings.

barbie is a hopeless romantic, however. she fell in love with her first and only boyfriend in middle school and thats the only love she has ever known. the two got married right out of high school and stayed together just up until now. the minute their daughter, gabriella, walked out of the doors to head to her first year in college, barbie’s husband, christian, told her that he was leaving her.

thankfully, barbie is a pretty well known romance author to some. she’s not as successful as she hopes to be ( not knowing that all her books are the same vanilla love story rn ). since there isn’t anything tying her to miami anymore, she decides to head to the coast. take some time to herself while still under the pressures of writing chapters for her next novel. one she has been having writers block with. she cant seem to find the love in her own loveless life now.

shes only been in grimrose for a week after spending a few months mourning her one and only love. mourning the relationship and the fact that is was over in 5 seconds flat. now, she wants to try and move forward, even when everything seems to be pulling her back. she hopes grimrose will give her a boost of what she needs to finish this next book and go back to miami and see if she can work things out with christian ( until she realizes even she doesn’t want that ).

headcanons — tw: pregnancy, pregnancy difficulties

barbie secretly wishes she was able to give gabriella the same big family lifestyle that she had growing up, but barbie’s pregnancy was too difficult and dangerous for her to think about having more children. it broke her heart, but she knew to accept anything that life threw at her.

barbie can be a bit high strung. she likes order, following deadlines, and doing things without distress or mess. she blames this on living in such a chaotic household growing up, but she wouldn’t change a thing. she’s hoping this divorce and a lack of schedule will help her grow out of it a bit.

her most recent novel was a big flop. its messed with barbie’s head, especially when facing strict deadlines now for this new novel that she can’t seem to write. she’s thinking of doing something different maybe, however she needs inspiration — this is why she chose to leave miami for some time and visit someplace new.

#╰ * 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐈𝐄. : intro. ⧽ you have my heart so don't hurt me .#grimrosehqs.intro

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tomionefinds · 3 years

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Hi! Might be a weird question, but are there any fics that feature resurrection? Maybe either Tom/Hermione dies and the other works hard on a way to bring them back? Thank you so much for your hard work!

Hey Anon,

Found a few for you. -JD

Revenant by quinault

E/Ma | One Shot | 3k

“Hermione” he whispered into her cool, pale skin, crushing her mouth against his. She tasted exactly how he remembered, like raspberries and mint and something slightly tart, something that made him want to take her into his very pores. The wind picked up, rustling through the grasses of the wood, rushing through the trees. The whole world sighing in recognition.

Best of Intentions by prankstergangster83

M | WIP | 68k

Hermione Granger has always wanted to be accepted. She thought when she found out she was a witch, things in her life would make sense. Feeling just as alone as she did in the muggle world, she loses hope. After coming across an antique in Knockturn Alley, her life changes. This is AU. I only own the new stuff. JK owns the recognizable bits.

unsphere the stars by cocoartist

M | Complete | 233k

When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story.

A Broken Window by Dreamofsummer

E/Ma | One Shot | 3k

Tom Riddle loves her

Tom Riddle misses her

Tom Riddle will make her come back ... whatever the cost

For the Tomione Smut Festival 2021

Resurrection Stone

The Hill by jtoaster

T | One Shot | 4k

Hermione Granger owns the resurrection stone. She attempts to find redemption through it for herself and for one other person - Lord Voldemort. Only when he appears to her, he appears as Tom Riddle. She is captivated and disgusted by him, but keeps summoning him to her regardless. (Oneshot)

Resurrection by Miss Mina Murray

T | Complete | 13k

Hermoine's past life as the only lover of the Dark Lord comes into play when Voldemort returns from the grave.Will Hermoine join him and become as dark as him or will she bring an end to him forever to save the man she really loves?

He Who Finally Died by BeNeRre

T | WIP | 11k

Several years after Voldemort's dead, a new law is approved by the council, the government leaders. Hermione's safety becomes threatened and she runs away to get help from someone unexpected, but first she will have to bring him back to the living.

#tomione #ask tomionefinds #drama #ressurection

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vivithefolle · 4 years

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Ron is so fucking ungrateful to have a girl that is WAY over his league, he didn't put a effort rejecting the other girl's kiss and acts dumb on why Hermione is crying when she saw him kissing another girl. To make it worse he lowkey knows by the obvious hints in the pasts that she liked him. Another thing Harry Potter is known to be the special and powerful character, Hermione is the unique and genius girl and Ron is just Ron, he doesn't have anything special about him.

a girl that is WAY over his league

Aww look folks! It’s sexist!

he didn't put a effort rejecting the other girl's kiss

‘The other girl’ has a name, dickhole. Say it. She’s Lavender Brown. And you will respect her because she’s an infinitely more respectable girl than Hermione ‘wah wah Canaries’ Granger will ever be.

It’s hilarious you should say that about Ron and Lav’s first kiss because we never see it (unless you base yourself on the movie in which case OMEGALOL, GTFO), for all we know he tried to push Lavender off him, or he went straight for her and kissed her right in front of everyone when she told him how handsome and cool he was, because you know, it happened off-screen!

As for me I believe Lavender jumped him as soon as he entered the common room and then he was like “........ huh. why not I guess?”

acts dumb on why Hermione is crying when she saw him kissing another girl

Well how would he know she’s crying because she saw him kiss another girl?

To make it worse he lowkey knows by the obvious hints in the pasts that she liked him.

*pfffffft*

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAWHAWHAWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAcoughcoughHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

*ahem ahem*

Here is an excellent and informative Quora answer that wasn’t written by me at all - just kidding, it was written by me - that will explain to you why the “obvious hints” left by Hermione were utter and complete rubbish.

Another thing Harry Potter is known to be the special and powerful character

Oh yes, he was so special that had he died he would have made everyone’s job easier.

... well yeah. He was a Horcrux. He literally tethered Voldemort to life. The goal of the final book is to destroy the Horcruxes, and Harry was one. It’s only because Dumbledore was desperate to save Harry’s life (forgive the old man, he got attached) that he made all those convoluted plans to ensure Harry’s survival.

Yes, Harry is so special and powerful he’s the reason why Voldemort remained alive for seven books and wreaked so much havoc and destruction. Congrats Harry! You contributed to Wizard Hitler’s prolonged existence! Aren’t you proud of yourself?

Hermione is the unique and genius girl

Ah yes totally unique, I definitely didn’t know any girl ever that read books. *looks at entire side of the fandom that identifies with Hermione* Absolutely never saw any girl reading ever.

And if she was such a genius, surely our lovely Miss Granger would have just straight-up kissed Ron instead of playing mind games, being passive-aggressive and negging him? Guess she wasn’t that much of a smartie after all.

Ron is just Ron, he doesn't have anything special about him.

You plainly said the exact opposite.

“Ron is just Ron”, exactly. That’s what he has. An identity.

Ron is so unique and amazing that you can’t describe him with “the special and powerful character” like with so many boring protagonists. Ron is so special and innately himself that you can’t sum him up with the title of “unique and genius girl” the way so many Mary Sues tried and failed to be.

Ron, indeed, is just Ron. He’s himself. He’s wonderfully, beautifully himself.

Which is more than we can say about you, Anonymous.

#vivi answers #ask #ron weasley #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #hermione granger #harry potter #harry potter series #hp meta

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chelleblack · 4 years

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DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY BLACK IS NOT A WOMANIZER!!! Why do they write about him being that way?

This is an official complaint, after reading so many fanfictions of Dramione / And Draco being the protagonist as such. And apparently it is the rule general way that they have to project Draco and develop him, being that it is not like that in the canon, (although they say they want to make it as real as possible). And let's get to the point.

Why the hell is Draco such an idiot that he can't control what he's got in his pants? Why do they write that Draco is that kind of idiot? Why are all books written that way? When the hell was Draco Lucius Malfoy Black in the jk books a playboy? AT THE AGE OF 16 ????

Because when it comes to developing a character as deep and complex as Draco: the most interesting and complex thing they do with him is be a womanizer. Sounds cool to you? Is it cool that they project misogyny? Is it cool that I treat women / men as objects? Or that Draco has been hypersexualized since his teens? Why do they do that? People, it is not that difficult to write about a man who is not a misogynist, who is not an idiot, who thinks something different than what he has in his pants. And make a great plot, and give it personality and presence.

The irony of this is that the true character of Draco; He never disrespected Pansy, or any other girl, or acted in a disgusting way. Draco is a boy who comes from a strict family, with retrograde ideals, what is the most daring thing we have seen of him in the Harry Potter saga ?, that is, with Hermione in the fourth book when the Death Eaters sabotaged Quidditch and injured. several children of Muggle parents; Draco told Hermione that if they saw him they would blow him up and her panties would be exposed.

In his life he only dated more than two girls. His Malfoy-Black family is super traditional; They come from marriages arranged from an early age. Possibly Draco was raised in the most prim way possible. And as he got older, he had more important things to do than act like a hormonal jerk. He had manners and used all his neurons. Is it very difficult to find such an attractive man? Nobody finds such a man attractive? Who in their right mind ...?

He was a completely intelligent boy, he had one of the most powerful young minds of his generation, apart from Hermione Granger; since apparently they forget that he was for the second in class with her. It has a lot of potential to write a complete saga. And no, it is not necessary to hypersexualize it to develop it. It is not necessary to write about a man who has a fragile masculinity, or who is heteronormative. Although they do not believe it.

I know the character of Draco has a very, very vague development in HP, he was missing his historical arc, we all know that. And everyone is free to turn it into a story, and whatever (even if it bothers him to see you spoil his canonical image). But if you write about it and say that you do it by sticking to the canon, but it occurs to you that he is practically a playboy since his 14 years, and more disgusting things, that make this sweet boy look bad, and he ruined everything. . Just because you have bad taste in men and you think a misogynist is attractive and the best suitor there can be ... Please, no.

What? Because you do that? No, could you stop writing like that? he is a good boy. And writing about good men, what Draco Malfoy really is like, is what it takes; because that's what he really is.

#dramioe #dracomalfoy #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco and pansy #draco fanfiction #draco x y/n #draco #drarry #dramione opinion #dramione fandom #dramione fanfic #draco is not womanizer #Harry Potter

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silentexplorer18 · 4 years

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Epilogue

Word Count: 2,500+

Series Masterlist ▪ Main Masterlist

⪻ Previous

Draco smoothed the front of his cardigan and adjusted his ring, twirling it once, twice, thrice around his finger for good luck. You were watching him from the doorway, an amused smile twitching on your lips.

“Don’t be nervous. You’ll do great.”

He gave you a halfhearted grimace through the mirror. Hopefully things would go well, but the ache in his gut wouldn’t let him believe it could go well. The headline from the morning’s paper still skittered through his brain. Ex-Death Eater Draco Malfoy Unveils War Novel on Motives: An Exposé by Rita Skeeter.

You reached forward to squeeze his arm, chase away the worries that danced in his mind. “Everything will be great. I just know it.”

He managed to give you a real smile that time, hand reaching up to meet your own.

You liked to tell people Draco had taken to writing “like a duck to water,” but that hadn’t been the case at all. The stories seemed to pull him under, drowning him in the clamber to escape from his soul. Really, they wrote themselves. Draco just listened to what they wanted him to say. He could only hope that he would be able to explain it, coherently make sense of his intentions in some capacity.

Thankfully, The Quibbler was sending someone relatively relaxed to do the interview. At least, that’s what the owl had claimed a few days prior when they reached out. He was a bit choosey with his interviews, though not increasingly so because few deigned to write genuine reviews about his novels. Thankfully Luna’s paper was relatively unbiased against him, so there was that. He hoped whoever he was meeting—Argon? Adergon? He couldn’t recall—wouldn’t make things too difficult.

He felt your lips graze his cheek, pulling him from his thoughts. “You’ll do great, darling. And I’ll be here with lunch when you get back.”

Your unwavering support always shattered any fear he possessed.

They met at a coffee shop, informal but cozy, for the interview. Draco sipped on some green tea as he waited, idly watching the people meandering along the shop windows across the street.

It was a quaint weekend morning; it made him think of waking up early to play quidditch in the yard before breakfast when he was a child. He felt like he’d been transported worlds away from whoever that little boy had been. Maybe that was for the best.

When the shop’s bell dinged, Draco started, retracting his hand from his cup as a man reached out to shake.

“Draco Malfoy?” Draco nodded, inwardly chuckling at the man’s politeness in feigning ignorance on who Draco was. His face has been printed in enough papers, no one would ever be able to forget post-war Draco in all his gaunt, exhausted glory. The man carried on regardless. “Adeon Heinrik. Nice to meet you.”

Draco’s smile was stiff, but it always was with strangers. Polite formality had been ingrained in him since birth; using it nowadays always made him uncomfortable, a muscle memory he didn’t care for.

Adeon settled into the chair opposite him, charming a quill like he’d seen Skeeter do all those years ago. Perhaps this was payback for all the times he’d subtly suggested Potter was up to more antics to get the paparazzi on his tail. Now Draco understood the discomfort of interviews.

Additionally, a recording device was placed on the edge of the table, charmed to catch their conversation and store it for later broadcasting. Radio interviews had become quite the literary rage; how could The Quibbler resist expanding their reporting style?

Adeon adjusted his tie, clearing his throat subtly. “This is The Quibbler Book Talks and I’m Adeon Heinrik here today to discuss Draco Malfoy’s latest work. So, Mr. Malfoy, this article will be focusing primarily on your newest work, Snow on Peacock Street, a war memoir on your experiences with Voldemort, as well as the tale of your rocky relationship with your current wife.” Draco nodded, and Adeon continued. “However, before we discuss your newest novel, I’d like to take a look at your other works. Dark Absolute and Scaled Terror were released seven and three years ago respectively. Two Young Adult themed works, you delve into the fictive worlds of Algernon and Evelyn where the protagonists face incredible choices between family, faith, and country. You also released a collection of essays titled The Purpose of Family, which was later synthesized into a children’s picture book four years ago. Children, teens, you’ve focused on a young audience up until recently. What’s your motivation for writing a war memoir now, for honing in on an adult audience?”

Draco licked his lips, fiddling with his ring under the table. “Well, Mr. Heinrik, the truth of the matter is that the children weren’t there.” Adeon’s eyes flickered with confusion, but Draco carried on, hoping his point would make sense. “Unlike the children now that have a bit of a reprieve, I was a child of the war. Although it was clearly the wrong side, it was a necessary burden that many of my peers faced as well. We had been raised on tradition and weren’t willing to sacrifice our families at any cost. However, the children, they aren’t having to make choices like that at present. My works remain fictional because I can’t undo my past, but I can place the readers into similar morally unsteady situations. Perhaps they can be more prepared to make their own choices after facing the situations in my novels.”

Adeon sat forward in his seat, eyes glued to Draco like a siren attempting to lure words from his lips. Draco took a sip of tea, trying to hide the nervousness he felt as Adeon stepped in with the next question. “That’s an excellent point. But your newest work is obviously a war novel. Why do you feel now is the right time to publish it? Have things settled enough that it’s the right time to critique the situation from both sides?”

Oh dear. “No,” he answered with a cool wave of his hand. Or, as cool as he could manage with the worry jittering through his nerves. He could feel it coming, the twisted commentary about his choices already lapping at his feet. “Truthfully, there will never be a ‘right time’ to talk about the war. No matter how much time passes, my generation will never be untainted by those experiences. My intention isn’t to advocate that my side was better, nor to paint myself as some perfectly good person. It’s merely to give an examination of the other side, to provide some humanity to the actions that occurred.”

“Provide some humanity, what do you mean by that?”

“Well,” he twisted his ring under the table, “there’s certainly a lot more nuance to human experience than the black-and-white exhibited in most modern war talks. In discussing the experiences I had, perhaps it can provide some humanity and understanding for those who have had or will have similar experiences. Of course, the Death Eaters’ actions—my actions—were reprehensible. Our choices should not be absolved based on a single text. Yet, the burden of choice is never easy, and being raised to take the wrong side or face death is a situation as old as time itself. Perhaps the reasoning behind my actions and others will help those who face similar situations again someday.”

Adeon nodded, glancing down at his notes. “I’m currently with Mr. Draco Malfoy as we discuss his latest work, Snow on Peacock Street. The war novel, published in late November, has received praise from Philanthropist Harry Potter as well as Minister of Magic Hermione Granger. However, less-than-stellar reviews have come from Head Auror Ronald Weasley.” He looked up from his notes. “Let’s discuss that for a moment. Any ideas on why the Head Auror dislikes your latest work?”

Draco chuckled, running his thumb along the edge of his teacup. “I’m afraid not everyone can have excellent taste in books.”

Adeon laughed, and Draco joined him. Something on the recorder flashed red before returning to green. He hoped it hadn’t broken. Adeon seemed unbothered.

“So is that all it is? He merely has poor taste while Minister Granger and Mr. Potter possess better taste?”

The thought put a grin on his face before he could really stop it. “It’s certainly a nice way of putting it.” Slowly, the smile dropped from his face. He twirled his ring again. Once. Twice. Thrice. “I suppose it’s more to do with our past and upbringing. Although I’m flattered Potter and Granger enjoy my work, I’m afraid I’m rather undeserving of their praise.”

“I see,” Adeon nodded, sensing Draco’s discomfort. “Let’s talk about your work itself for a moment. Your Young Adult novels have rather intense titles, I’m sure reflecting the nature of the work. Yet your newest novel is titled Snow on Peacock Street. It seems a bit lighthearted for a war story.”

“Partially because it isn’t. At least, not in the beginning. When I was a child, we had these marvelous peacocks. Bright and beautiful. They went to Naghini during the war, though; the last bit of brightness sucked out of the Manor. It seemed a fitting reminder of what once was, to describe it as ‘Peacock Street.’ Though, it also reflects my relationship with (Y/n).”

“Your relationship with (Y/n)? In what way is that?”

“She’s…” He looked for the right word. The English vocabulary didn’t seem to have a word spectacular enough for you. “She was a lightness then. She’s a lightness now, too. But especially then. It felt like the world was so hopeless and dark. And then she showed up with a book and changed my life. I couldn’t have survived without her.”

Adeon was smiling. Maybe his interview hadn’t gone so poorly after all.

“And she’s written a book as well, hasn’t she?”

“Yes! Yes,” he beamed, thinking of the smile on your face when you came home with the first printed copy. “Her memoir Forgotten Burns and Papercuts will be available for sale next month. It’s truly marvelous; I highly recommend reading it.”

“I’m sure you’re a bit biased in that regard, but I’ll take your word for it.” Adeon glanced back down at his notes. “Alright, we’re almost out of time for today. Would you mind reading a little excerpt from Snow on Peacock Street to close us off?”

“Of course, I’d love to,” Draco said, taking the marked book Adeon passed to him. It was only a few pages in, but hopefully it would be compelling enough to attract a few readers.

He cleared his throat, ring glinting in the light as he pressed the pages down to read.

They told me they loved me. But what really is love without death? What’s love without suffering and fear and hunger? How do you find love amongst everything? You can’t. It’s impossible. It may come in fleeting fragments, in silvery flutters like the faint trace of a Patronus. Yet you never truly find it until there’s nothing else in the way. When stripped bare before the masses, you find love.

Seldom is it expressed in gifts or other material, flowery things. It rubs you raw, claws at your throat, tears you limb from limb. Love is being faced with death and finding something worth living for. It’s the cold blooded fear before a battle, the ripped cry of the lonely, the desperation of a dying man. Contentment breeds complacency. But fear breeds love. I suppose that’s how I found her then. How I loved her amongst a darkness so pungent it rotted the soul and slaughtered person after person with it.

I didn’t love her in an all-consuming fury, not until the world was dark and she was there, blinding, brilliant, stinging against my fingertips like fresh fallen snow, to remind me that my life couldn’t be over yet.

I would learn many things from her, but this, love roaring against the dying embers of life, would be her ultimate teaching. It showed me more about the world than I could possibly describe, but in this text, I’ll attempt to impart that knowledge on you.

He glanced back up at Adeon, who barely looked composed as he shuffled in his seat, glanced down at his notes.

“That was Mr. Draco Malfoy reading an excerpt from his newest novel Snow on Peacock Street, available through Wizz Hard Books publishing company. Mr. Malfoy, thank you for joining me today.”

“Thank you for having me,” he nodded.

“That will conclude this week’s edition of The Quibbler Book Talks. I’m Adeon Heinrik, and I’ll see you next week when we join…”

The article had been a hit. His work had been rather well reviewed all things considered.

Yours had done even better. Hermione Granger had even written to you personally with compliments. Though, it seemed only fitting as the torture scenes hit a bit close to home.

Draco had nearly retched proofing those scenes. You’d had to hold him close for hours, reminding him that he didn’t know, that things had ended up okay. The two of you had made it out alive. He’d twisted his ring around his finger. Once. Twice. Thrice. You were alive. Things were okay.

Things were better than okay.

Headmistress McGonagall had agreed to let the two of you deliver your books to the library for students to read. Of course, the conditions required that you come during Winter Holiday when the students wouldn’t be distracted by your arrival, but that made things all the better.

Two copies, both as pristine and polished as ever, were handed to Madam Pince. She thanked the both of you, moving to put them on the proper shelves.

Rather than leave, you pulled Draco toward the back corner of the library, smiles curling on both of your faces.

It felt like ages since the two of you had seen the dusty shelves where you’d spent years playing chase amongst the covers. Names familiar and foreign dominated the shelves, mostly old, handwritten collections that would seldom be read. Only the passionate—only people like you—would pull them down to decipher the hurried texts, pulled straight from the soul of the authors.

Draco pulled his hand away from yours, tracing the cover of the worn, black notebook. It was no longer pristine, the interior scribbled and smeared with ink and the cover well worn with use. His novel, the original. It had been primarily completed after his first year of writing it, but he hadn’t been ready then to publish it, to even consider publishing it. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe he’d printed the words, had them reproduced. But he needed it. He wanted it.

Your hands traced over a set of carefully bound parchments. Your first draft, scratched out, written in the margins, revised. The raw, the original. Lines messy with emotion, edges crinkled with touch.

You looked up at the shelves. It had all begun with those shelves, with those books. Stories of ancient wizards and desperate souls. And, oh, how your lives found ways to mirror those stories, mimic the past.

Draco pushed two books apart, making space on the shelves. Delicately, you placed your set of parchments there, Draco’s notebook following.

Someone else could find your stories one day, remember your lives in all their messy, unpolished glory. But in the meantime, they’d grow dust waiting for another soul to remember, to wonder, to learn. The words would wait for a soul like yours.

⪻ Previous ▪ Series Masterlist ▪ Main Masterlist

Taglist: @yucksiedoodles, @rachie-ox

A/N: Thank you for reading! It’s been so much fun writing this series. I hope you enjoyed. Sending you all the love! ~Silent

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fanfic #draco x reader #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy series #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x you #silent writes #failed education

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headcanonsandmore · 5 years

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Since ‘Honest Trailers’ did an awful job for the HP series, I thought I’d do a more accurate version. Enjoy.

From the mind of JK Rowling -whose fandom now know what “death of the author” really means in the modern world- comes a film series that delighted general audiences, but was met with a mix of amusement, irritation and anger by the very people who read the books in the first place.

Daniel Radcliffe shines as Harry Potter; a sarcastic, witty and socially-awkward young man who was…. changed into a somewhat bland, angsty protagonist who looks bored out of his mind most of the time. Not that it’s Dan’s fault of course; that scene after Sirius died? KILLED me… sorry, I need to go cry again.

But he’s not alone. Along for the ride are Harry’s best friends in all the world.

Ron Weasley; a likeable, kind-hearted, complex and brave character who is… changed into a generic comedy sidekick that everyone treats as a joke for some reason? That’s… odd. But, despite having his character development almost entirely removed from the story, and most of his greatest moments given to other characters, he still comes across as a really nice bloke because it’s virtually impossible to make Ron Weasley seem horrible. Aaand it probably doesn’t hurt that he’s being played by Rupert Grint. Dang, that man is talented. You guys seen ‘Snatch TV’? And he was in a BBC adaptation of a Poirot novel alongside John Malkovich? What a guy.

But Harry and Ron aren’t the only protagonists. Hermione Granger is here. Watch on in wonder as this three-dimensional, strong female character is brought to life as…. an irritable know-it-all who seems too cool for her own movie? Oh dear…

Watch this borderline sociopath force Harry into setting up an illegal militant group, set a flock of ravenous birds on Ron when he tries to get over her, and refuse to ever deal with the consequences of her actions. Because why have a three-dimensional female character when you can have an untouchable god who never makes a mistake?

Er… it’s best if you don’t think about it too much…

But this series isn’t just about great characters; it’s a romance story for the ages. Watch as Ron and Hermione’s balanced and mutually-supportive relationship is brought to the screen as… Hermione treating Ron like a petulant child she’s being forced to babysit? Being shocked when he uses his own initiative and intelligence to get out of a problem? And constantly belittling and mocking him for his eating habits; even though he’s a teenage boy from a poverty-stricken family?

Steve Kloves wasn’t even covering up his shipping preferences, was he?

Oh well, at least we’ll be distracted by Emma Watson’s eyebrows.

Yeah, try not noticing that now!

Good grief, the poor woman must get so many migraines…

But Ron and Hermione aren’t the only ones with romance in their lives. Introducing Ron’s little sister Ginny as Harry’s girlfriend. But don’t blame us for defining her like that; the films do it too.

But at least we know that Harry and Hermione don’t see each-other like that. The books made it repeatedly clear that their relationship was familial, after all. No way the films would ever try to force a weird sub-plot like that. That would be so wrong, and…. oh no....ewwwwww….

Okay, I think the screenwriters just didn’t like Ron that much. Oh well, at least we’re got ‘A Very Potter Musical’. Totally Awesome! Much better than these awful scripts.

Starring;

Daniel he’s-so-rad-now

Rupert so much wasted potential…

Emma gets objectified by middle-aged directors and no-one bats an eyelid

Bonnie we hardly knew ye

Manic Pixie Witch girl (#evannaisbae)

Matthew dammmmnnnnn Puberty did him well

The Weasley twins in real life

Felton wants you to stop with the Dr*mione rubbish

And literally every British actor you’ve ever heard of.

“Harry Potter and the audacity of Steve Kloves”

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hforhonesty · 5 years

Text

Book Review #1 | Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

“Half the time, Simon can’t even make his wand work, and the other half, he sets something on fire. His mentor’s avoiding him, his girlfriend broke up with him, and there’s a magic-eating monster running around wearing Simon’s face. Baz would be having a field day with all this, if he were here—it’s their last year at the Watford School of Magicks, and Simon’s infuriating nemesis didn’t even bother to show up.” [official synopsis of the book]

Full title: “Carry On: The rise and Fall of Simon Snow.”

Or, as I often refer to it, the death of me.

I can already hear my friend A. complaining that I read this book at least twice a year – which is odd, I get it, but I also can't help it. She says that I'm obsessed with it...

... She’s right. But there's a reason if the motto of my brand new blog is "H for Honesty", so I promise that I won't let my obsession take over the review. Scout's honor!

Anyway, we have to straighten some things out before we settle down to work, since I know that there are people out there who are not appealed by this book because of its similiarities with the Harry Potter Saga.

The Chosen One and the prophecy themes, the analogies between characters such as Penelope Bunch and Hermione Granger, the Drarry vibes, the English school of magic...

So if you want to complain about these similiarities, then stop reading, watching tv shows and movies or even breathing because, guess what?, it's literally impossible not to be influenced by others, especially if you are a writer.

I think that inspiration is good; it means that you've reached the heart of your readers and left a permanent mark on it. As a wanna-be writer I can only aspire to do such a great thing as inspiring someone to the point that they want to share their own stories.

Speaking of Rainbow Rowell being inspired by Jk Rowling, well, it doesn't mean that she plagiarised her work – far from it. Rainbow's World of Mages is something fresh, modern, unexplored. It has cliches just like any other great story, but instead of running in circles it goes beyond them.

This is why the first character I want to introduce is Agatha Wellbelove, who’s supposed to play the role of the protagonist’s love interest. I’m gonna be honest with you guys – I didin’t like her at first, like not at all.

It’s hard to explain without spoiling the book but I’ll try my best, alright?

Agatha is the only daughter of one of the richest and most important families of the world of mages. Her father is a doctor and her mother is very invested in the social part of their community, hence the charity works such as having poor, orphan Simon stay at their house during Christmas break.

Beautiful, popular, kind. She had to be all these things for her whole life because everything had already been set up for her. Even her relationship with Simon was inevitable. I know it’s silly but think of Shrek: like Fiona, she had to play the role of the damsel in distress locked in the highest tower of the castle, awaiting for her knight in his shiny armour... only to be his reward at the end of the story, when the magical war is over... if he manages to survive.

But Agatha is more than that.

“Lucy disappeared?” I say.

“Worse,” Mum says. “She ran away. From magic. Can you imagine?”

“Yes,” I say, then, “no.”

She wants to spend time with her normal friends, go to a normal school, be a normal person without the burden of magic on her shoulders. But she can’t, of course, because everyone would think that she’s insane, so she’s stuck in a world where she doesn’t belong.

Magic is a religion.

But there’s no such thing as not believing – or only going through the motions on Easter and Christmas. Your whole life has to revolve around magic all the time. If you’re born with magic, you’re stuck with it, and you’re stuck with other magicians, and you’re stuck with wars that never end because people don’t even know when they started.

I honestly didn’t understand her character at first, because c’mon, if someone came to me and told me that I could attend Hogwarts/Watford and have magical powers if I wanted, I wouldn’t even hesitate to answer hell, yeah. But this is another matter, ofc.

The point is that Rainbow Rowell’s characters are what I’d like (and dare) to define «the apotheosis of relatability». They are not just fictional characters. When they think, when they talk, when they act... they seem extremely human in my head, they seem to bloody exist, as if they weren’t made of paper...

I think that this effect is mostly due the fact that the book was written in first person singular. Yeah, I know that most people avoid this type of point of view like the plague, but believe me when I say that Carry on is 100% worth it.

Every chapter mirrors the thoughts of the main characters, from Simon’s to the Mage’s, and is shaped by them. For instance:

When Simon is talking, his words are articulated in short and/or mostly broken sentences.

He doesn’t reply – he must still be working up to a bluster.

Snow blusters like no one else. But! I mean! Um! It’s just! It’s no wonder he can never spit out a spell.

When he’s thinking, the pages are filled with long and elaborated phrases, which can be seen especially in the first chapters of the book;

Baz, on the other hand, has the opposite problem. He comes up with the most complex sentences when he’s speaking, while his thoughts are often interrupted by the use of round brakets, which is undoubtedly of my favourite features of his chapters.

So even though he seems this cool and charming and extremely confident and super duper talented and handsome magician, this is just his façade. In reality, he’s the type of guy who would rather be alone during meals because he’s too self-conscious and doesn’t want his family to see the fangs that come through when he’s eating.

It’s no secret that Baz is very secretive when it comes to his feelings or anything that concerns his private sphere, as he always weighs his words before he speaks up. But when the crosstalk is between him and Simon, there’s literally nothing in the world that Baz loves more than teasing him.

“I know what you are,” I snarled.

His eyes locked onto mine. “Your roommate?”

I shook my head and squeezed the hilt of my sword.

Baz stepped into my reach. “Tell me,” he spat.

I couldn’t.

“Tell me, Snow.” He stepped even closer. “What am I?”

I growled again and raised the blade an inch. “Vampire! I shouted. He must have felt the force of my breath on his face.

He started giggling. “Really? You think I’m a vampire? Well, Aleister Crowley, what are you going to do about that?”

I love the dynamics between Baz and Simon because their relationship is so genuine and thriving, absolutely compelling. You can see the deep impact that they have on each other from page one. Yes, they are roommates (oh my god, they are roommates), but they are enemies too, so they don’t really know how to deal with each other beyond their rivalry, especially when they have to team up against a common enemy.

These dynamics are way funnier when you consider that they concern a third character too. Yes, this is the moment I introduce you to the person that was recently hospitalized due to severe back pains caused by the burden of carrying Simon Snow’s bullshit on her shoulders from day one: Penelope Bunce.

She told me later that her parents had told her to steer clear of me at school. “My mum said that nobody really knew where you came from. And that you might be dangerous.”

“Why didn’t you listen to her?” I asked.

“Because nobody knew where you came from, Simon! And you might be dangerous!”

“You have the worst survival instincts.”

“Also, I felt sorry for you,” she said. “You were holding your hand backwards.”

As you can see, I love Penny. She’s clever, she’s talented, she’s this amazing young woman who is not afraid to walk with you toward eternal damnation or help you hide a corpse or do both at the same time. Because she’s all that – and more than that. She’s everything.

Penny is the kind of person who, right after you say that “curiosity killed the cat”, would rejoin that “satisfaction brought it back”. She is exactly the character that I needed as a role model during both my childhood and my adolescence: stubborn, curious, terribly ambitious... For some time I had been convinced that these were negative traits, but it’s mostly thanks to Penny that I’ve started to realise that they are good qualities instead.

I see a lot of myself in Penelope, and I could never thank Rainbow Rowell enough for creating her characters.

I could never thank Rainbow enough for writing about this amazing world and sharing it with us. And I will never stop thanking her for deciding to give us a sequel, Wayward son.

In the meanwhile, thank you. Yes, you: the person reading this review. I hope you enjoyed it! If so, follow me for new pieces :)

With love,

M.C.

P.S. I apologise for the inappropriate use of the editor but it appears that tumblr hates me.

P.P.S. My friend A. says hi – and wants you to know that the only reason she can stand the Mage is because his name is David... you know, like David Dobrik. I can’t even.

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kyliafanfiction · 5 years

Note

Do you ship Lex and Lana? Not sure where you are in the series, but I think you'll find it a really interesting ship! I'd also love to hear your thoughts on Clark and Chloe, as separate characters and as a potential couple.

I suppose I probably could if their ages were more compatible (Lex is like, 9 years older than them?), and once Lana is out of HS and even older than that, I might be able to consider it more (a nine year age difference matters less and less when the younger one is 22, 23, 24, 25 or even older than it does when the younger one is 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21). (this is also my issue with Chole x Lex, which I actually have expressed a like for before)

Certainly, most of Lana’s most interesting interactions are with Lex, and they do have an interesting dynamic in general. I don’t ship it really, but we’ll have to see how/if they interact once the characters are finally out of High School (it’s season 3 and they’re not Seniors, IIRC? I miss Buffy’s pacing).

As for Chole - I love her as a character, she’s amazing and cool and I love her drive and passion, I love her heart but also that she gets angry and she’s allowed to get angry (lana does too, but much more rarely). I don’t like her thing for Lana-obsessed Clark, but she’s moved on from that. Or so it seems as of now, but I’m sure they’ll bring it back somehow.

I certainly prefer Clark x Chloe to Clark x Lana, but that’s because I hate Clark x Lana so much. I still ultimately dislike the core trope at work in Clark x Chloe - the whole “we’ve been friends forever and I’ve loved you the whole time and you’ve never noticed me that way and my entire romantic hope is pinned on you suddenly seeing me that way’ dynamic we see With Willow Rosenberg re: Xander, Hermione Granger re: Ron, Barry Allen re: Iris, etc.

I just - I don’t like that trope, and I never have, and while Chole x Clark is preferable to Clark x Lana, that says more about how unutterably boring Clark and Lana is.

As for Clark - he’s okay, mostly, but also infuriating because of his obsession with Lana and the whole “I’m not telling anyone anything but I Expect full honesty from them” but then again, self-righteousness does seem to be both a Kent family trait and a House of El family trait, judging by Smallville and Supergirl respectively, so... that doesn’t surprise me.

Clark is a typical mediocre to good TV show protagonist - enjoyable enough, but suffering from unfocused writing that bounces around and jerks the character’s development all over the place. He’s fine, but the writing can make him not, all too often.

#Smallville #Anti Clana #Chlark #Lex Luthor #Lex x Lana #Lex x Chole #Chlex #Lanex?#Asked and Answered

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marauders70s · 6 years

Text

So I just watched Crimes of Grindelwald and I have a huge rant list.

Spoilers (obviously).

Also, I did not like hardly any of it, so I’m sorry. Don’t pick a fight with me after reading a post entitled rant list and then be upset that they are all rants.

- wow AMERICA yeah jo we know what you think of us. it’s obvious in our de-tonguing geneva-convention violating (i know it’s not around in 1927 okay) inhumane treatment of not just grindelwald but apparently all the prisoners and animals we keep in cages (i know our prison system is inherently terrible i’m very aware) but to transport him like a paralyzed stroke victim drooling to a thestral carriage on a Dark And Stormy Night really just is lazy writing on why we should dislike aurors without giving anyone a plot, dialogue, or exposition

- this guy who has been posing as Grindelwald....since the beginning? since when? they cut out his tongue?? but then? it’s just forked? there’s magic? like? could they grow the tongue back?? they can regrow bones in harry’s arm but okay

- this thestral carriage chase scene is really CGI explosion heavy turned actioned film and mostly consisted of me being like what. what. WHAT. wait what. wait who is that. what. why wouldn’t he just disapparate. what happens to these thestrals. okay. what. grindelwald can just dissolve wands since when can people do that why didn’t voldemort do that why didn’t harry do that this presents problems

- okay look david yates and co. you had this incredible opportunity to create an entire wardrobe of WIZARD FASHION in THREE COUNTRIES, most notably the fashion capitol of the world and what did you do you put every single person in trench coats and random muggle garb. Also, not even cool wizard hats. No. Just muggle bowlers and mobster hats.

- Does Newt have a job. If so, what is it? How can he pay for this lovely house with magical modifications? Don’t you have to get a contractor to put that in? Did he do it himself? How does he pay Sad Girl In Love With Protagonist tm? Does he pay her? How did they meet? Why do we never see her again?

- For a movie entitled ‘Fantastic Beasts’ we really gloss over looking at any of the in-house beasts, learning anything about them, or doing anything except a CGI palooza.

- Wow Queenie and Jacob are here ‘hope you don’t mind we let ourselves in’ ah yes rude american trope again. who on earth would do that. also this entire time jacob acts like a goon and newt is like let’s take the enchantment off and i’m like hi that’s hella nonconsensual you’re basically raping and kidnapping him and jacob is somehow okay with this. newt is somehow okay with this.

- ‘please don’t read my mind’ um dude you’re talking AT her???

- movie glosses over how jacob got his memories back with a throwaway line of unbelievable dialogue. If obliviate only worked on bad memories, Hermione Granger really needs to go to family counseling with her parents.

- mysterious postcard is exposition over really dumb journalism error that could have been easily fixed within seconds by sending an owl because owls don’t need addresses, something queenie conveniently forgets by not knowing how to find her sister

- queenie is a Dumb American for cheap laughs by letting a woman say something in french, laughing, and saying she doesn’t understand anything only for the droll French woman to repeat it in the exact monosyllabic voice. Apparently everyone entering/leaving a country needs to register a visa or something, which is conveniently circumvented by going through a muggle port? It’s unclear. Queenie herself does not seem to have registered.

- French Ministry of Magic is gorgeous. Has a cool roots to iron elevator. It is also probably improperly named as they put ‘American Ministry of Magic’ despite America not having ministries or ministers outside of some serious religious stuff. They put all this effort into creating MACUSA but didn’t use it.

- Is it just me or does the MoM change the interior every time I see it.

- Queenie is devastated she can’t find her sister in a city of millions despite having magic, a means of communication that is foolproof, and enough money to find a hotel and wait to meet up. Queenie is overwhelmed that other people think in their native language. Instead of finding this helpful for tuning out a crowded city (like she does on the daily in New York), she somehow finds it overwhelming even looking for Newt/Jacob.

- Random woman is Silence In Queenie’s Head. I literally never learned who she was except Hard Bitch Kills Toddler. Or why Queenie can’t hear her thoughts. (Plot twist she’s Bella Swan).

- Toddler didn’t get his own little casket in the French mourning cart. Nice of Grindelwald to give a supposedly muggle family a funeral cart when he could have transfigured their bodies into armchairs or something. (Muggle supposed after he makes the remark about a ‘thorough cleaning.’)

- No one in Paris uses French in spellcasting. Spells are still English-based.

- Dumbledore is a dramatic bitch for gloves and rooftops. It’s a very specific brand of Gay.

- Don’t kill me but I don’t...hate? Jude Law as Dumbledore. He was still kind. But he wasn’t auburn and that was dumb.

- Unclear why Jacob and Queenie have to live in shame and secret when they could move to another country especially when Jacob loves bread and would like Paris. This seems to be Queenie’s motivator which is thin as hell and I didn’t follow her ‘logic’ at all. LAZY WRITING.

- Queenie immediately doesn’t disapparate upon seeing Grindelwald. Queenie somehow gets into this rhetoric. Later Queenie does not get disgusted with apropos wizard-Hitler being like ‘they are lesser beings’ and she, who wants to marry one, is like ‘yeah they totally are because I’m basically Jacob’s mom.’

- Grindelwald, in addition to being played by Johnny Depp, is albino, has one mutilated eye with a bad color contact clearly visible in multiple scenes, and is British when it is specifically stated he went to Durmstrang and was expelled for Dark Magic (at Durmstrang, which is noted for its Dark Arts program). As an allusion to wizard-Hitler, I always inferred that Grindelwald was German or Austrian.

- Wow Paris street magic carnival gave me LIFE and WOW and MAGIC feels. I loved the ducking through the barrier.

- Weird freakshow circus gets blown apart but Newt only manages to catch one creature that is helpfully foreshadowed it can leap Paris in a single bound. It is a Chinese creature when no mention of Chinese magic, Chinese handlers, or any sort of Asian magic is referred to (except in the cringe-worthy case of the ‘South Asian blood curse of Nagini’ which is a whole other can of worms). In all likelihood, as China is one of the oldest civilizations, their magic and dragon worship would be more paramount. China cat’s serious Great Beast’s weakness is a cat toy.

- Why is Nicholas Flamel....like that. Sure he’s like 600 years old but (a) is Jacob literally breaking his hand what the hell, (b) as much money and life as you could want does that mean he has to be like 100 years old forever that sucks that’s not even worth being immortal. (c) Where’s his wife. (d) When he goes to battle I thought he’d drink some elixir and be young again but...no.

- Nagini has no purpose in this movie other than to be snake slave and love interest and run around in a circus outfit with tits out bra off. She did not do a single useful thing.

- Wait I’m sorry WHAT you can like...fuck house elves now?? There are half-elves? How....you know what no thanks I don’t want to know.

- Credence, despite the last movie setting up an obscurial as like a suicide bomb, can relatively control mega destruction now and get back into his body fairly easily. No one even wonders why this lacemakers roof apartment exploded.

- Are he and Nagini in love? Are they escaped carnival freak bros? Why isn’t Nagini heading for the hills? She literally has no personality of her own at all.

- Paris is suspiciously white in this film. Especially for the 20s art renaissance.

- I don’t know why Credence falls into Orphan Must Know Parentage Trope because it’s really overused and boring. And frankly the superfluity of ravens was really beating me over the head. Credence can like...do anything. He could get some money and go to a wand shop. He could just...disappear. I don’t know why he has to be so easy to track.

- By the way who is this weirdo tracking him for Grindelwald/the ministry. It’s very unclear. I never got his name. It’s probably one of the many death eater names they throw in to make sure you know these families great-grandparents are also running around being evil instead of, you know, regular people doing it. So he could be Travers. I guess. LAZY WRITING.

= Now is a special segment on Hogwarts =

- The layout of Hogwarts changes every time I see it. Why are the classrooms always different. Why would the wood still have carvings. Why is there a bridge over this lake which is different than the covered bridge leading towards the Forest that Harry and Lupin have a Serious Chat on.

- YOU CANNOT APPARATE IN HOGWARTS GROUNDS. And don’t you try to tell me Dumbledore instituted that because it’s directly stated in Bathilda Bagshot’s Hogwarts, A History as being a longstanding charm with muggle repelling.

- Everyone apparates onto the bridge and walks through the castle without anyone bothering them into the correct classroom right away?? Like did they get a copy of the teaching schedule? Did Peeves show them?

- Dumbledore did NOT teach DADA. Dumbledore taught transfiguration. He was still teaching Transfiguration when Tom Riddle went to school. So if Dumbledore is teaching Transfiguration, Minerva McGonagall would not be at Hogwarts because she taught transfiguration after Dumbledore. Pretty sure mcgonagall was too young in 1927 to be a professor. LAZY WRITING.

- Just looked it up. Pottermore (official JK writing, btw) states that Minerva McGonagall was born in 1934. So she’s officially negative 7 years old and a professor. That’s GOT to be a record. Poor Rowan Khanna will never beat preconception tenure.

- Despite me being ecstatic to hear/see a young McGonagall, the camera never held still long enough for me to see a young McGonagall. Any far away shots only demonstrated despite this being 1920s, she was still dressing in the 1890s. McGonagall, despite the obvious laughs it was going for, would never use magic against a student.

- Haha this dumb neanderthal student is Grandpa McClaggen.

- Dumbledore, being known for wearing really flamboyant robes, dresses in conservative three piece suit.

- Why would you not go home for the holidays when you have to take care of a baby raven you can just put it in a box or your pocket for christ’s sake you’re carrying like 6 niffler babies at one time but you never even show them again

- Will say that young Newt’s casting is A++

- WHY ARE THE UNIFORMS NAVY BLUE. WHY DO THEY WEAR RED TARTAN SKIRTS. WHY DO THEY HAVE PHD EMBELLISHMENTS ON ACADEMIC REGALIA? Why do they have colored hoods when the original films (and books to boot) say all black robes. Why are these robes not even proper wizarding robes but just like...cambridge robes.

- To be honest this boggart lesson is like?? insane?? how did it last for 70 years it’s honestly so unethical and cruel. I’ve ALWAYS thought this even reading it for the first time in POA I was like “people’s worst fears are spiders and mummies?” like my greatest fear even at 12 was people I love dying. The fact that Newt is more scared of a desk than Theseus dying is weird.

- “I don’t want to talk about my boggart” Leta LeStrange means there was an Incident where Dumbledore realized that some students don’t have Great Home Lives and yet persists in this lesson for the next 70 years knowing that multiple kids are going to have their parents abusing them as their greatest fear.

- Corvus, as a name, just means Raven. How stupid. “Is your house crest a raven?” “Yes. Also my brother. Like if you were named Badger McHufflepuff.” “Oh don’t worry my name is just Lizard Lizard.” “Cool."

- No background or even hints at future background (e.g. they haven’t written it yet) on why Leta gets with Theseus even after the first film where he has a picture of Leta in his suitcase.

- Theseus and Newt have no screen time interaction. They do not behave like brothers. They have no flashbacks. Even young Newt never interacts with his brother. There is no realism here that Newt says they have a complicated relationship or is annoyed by his brother. This exposition is just lazy writing with nothing on screen to back it up.

- So you’re telling me Dumbledore had the mirror of erised for SEVENTY YEARS and yells at harry for looking in it for three nights. How did Dumbledore not go mad? Where did he get it? I feel like 70 years is a long time to have it.

- I guess when you think about it yeah being 40 in the 1920s does put you on the mark to be 110 when Harry meets you but fuck the books did NOT explain HOW OLD Dumbledore was to me I always thought he was like hale and sprightly 70s/80s

- Okay so you’re looking in the mirror and going to just BRAZENLY FLOUT CANON and say his deepest desire looking in the mirror is to relive the memory of the blood oath? That’s exposition. That’s a memory. That’s a pensieve not a mirror. Your greatest desire has ALWAYS BEEN saving Ariana. And even if it was loving Grindelwald this is your GREATEST DESIRE like being together not reliving a blood oath just for the sake of audience explanation. LAZY WRITING.

------ Back to other rants

- Most of this movie was me squinting being like ‘what’s the plot??’ and if there was a whiff of plot (”we all have to find credence’s birth records!”) most of it was me being confused “why does this matter?” “how did they all get there?”

- The confession of Newt trying to talk to Tina in the records room was painful. Not cute. Not even funny. Just so painful. It was like secondhand embarrassment but like...pity embarrassment.

- I don’t know why Grindelwald has a map of a Parisian cemetery. I don’t know why he had to give it to Credence except as a big reveal. I don’t remember how Queenie got there. I genuinely DO NOT understand how Jacob got there much less passed through to the secret wizard place as a muggle.

- No idea why the records lady was attacking them when Leta checked in twice (once as Tina). NO CLUE why they were the worst animated cats of all time or why they became multiple cats or even why when taken out of the French records they became even worse animated ‘real’ cats when they could have just used real cats. The entire chase scene was baffling and unnecessary. The records lady was not an agent of Grindelwald so no idea what’s up with her bee in the bonnet sorry for wrecking all your shit bye.

- I saw this movie less than an hour ago. I’m still confused how Leta, Newt, and Tina all teamed up or why they were cool teaming up or what.

- This mausoleum has a Greek hellenistic statue of a man reclining for no apparent reason and these shelves are supposed to bear ashes right so why are you putting a dumb pop up book there. Why would Grindelwald’s agent remove the record in drag as an old lady? It was weirdly unnecessary.

- Yosef’s exposition on how a white man literally imperiused and raped his mother was like WOW NO ONE IS GONNA EVEN TOUCH THAT???? and then for her to die in childbirth it’s like...my dudes wizards have cured so many diseases muggles haven’t you know they’re up there inventing the c-section with Julius Caesar and accio’ing babies out of utero like ‘gimme that catcher’s mitt she’s fully dilated.’ This whole “oh it was the 1900s” nonsense does NOT apply to magic. LAZY WRITING.

- I immediately forgot what happened to Corvus’ mom. but whatever right? she’s just a disposable woman! this movie does NOT care about consent! much less women! haha they’re just flowers!

- ‘I killed my brother’ yeah i mean we saw that coming she was REALLY SURE he was dead. But I was 90% sure it was going to be a child accident like dropping him down the stairs or shaking him too hard to get him to stop crying and then swapping him with a live baby but no? so i don’t know i feel like you didn’t really kill him.

- this steamer going down is confusing. is it a muggle ship? if it’s a muggle ship than is Credence swapped a baby with...a muggle born wizard? Are their other wizarding families on the ship? If so then why did they drown? you can all magic out of there? your lifeboat wouldn’t go down? why even take a steamer ship to america? you can...apparate or portkey or floo or fly like this titanic nonsense makes NO SENSE. And if Papa LeStrange hates muggles so much why put his only children on an all muggle ship with a half elf (again why) who can’t do magic to protect them

- Finding Credence’s identity REALLY doesn’t need to revolve around the LeStrange’s sordid past. Steamer ships keep passenger logs. So. We really should leave the mausoleum now to go find that.

- Yosef took an unbreakable vow to kill this white baby and it’s dead so is he released? He was released like...20 years ago. Why does he continue to hang out with these people? Your endless vengeance has rested? No need to team up with the sister you never knew? apparently (their family dynamic was also poorly/not explained).

- Why is this mausoleum an underground amphitheater. Literally why it makes no sense. Is it supposed to bring up the first David Yates film OotP? I don’t know. It also has a lot of blue fire and people rapturing the fuck out of there (literally when did apparating involve staring up at the sky and blasting off in rocket smoke). Also in re this movie how can you be tracked after apparating (Newt/Dumbledore’s tail).

- So if you touch this curtain do you automatically teleport to this amphitheater. Also what if you touched it by accident and were like OH SHIT HOW DO I GET OUT. Like wow this guy wasn’t kidding when he said there’s no wizard that can match him magically. This is like Charles Xavier Magneto Level 1 Mutant Power kind of shit. Not even Voldemort could do that. Big Power Too Big trope. Again. How did Jacob even GET there.

- Johnny Depp wears leather pants. Costume department, get your act together.

- Grindelwald, continuing to be British, shows clips of the Great War, approx 1914-1918. While the tanks and biplanes were appropriate, there were also lines (assumingly?) to concentration camps and the nuclear bomb of Hiroshima, which wouldn’t take place until 1945. So is Grindelwald also a prophet? Is he a seer? They kept referencing this book of poems and prophecy but without letting us see it? it went along with my general ‘I’m getting the gist of this but not really the why because it doesn’t make sense.’ And then Grindelwald rumor mongers and uses fear tactics when one of the police aurors straight up KILLS A WOMAN like wow can we cool it with use of force/police brutality is this guy going to get written up or is he fire now?

- Ethnically ambiguous Grindelwald supporter (only person of color) gets immediately incinerated for not being 100% sure of his side. When Credence feels the same way, he gets a couple of gifts.

- Look, I didn’t start this way but I stan Leta LeStrange. She was honestly one of the only people and the only woman in this film with a personality.

- Queenie stands still as weak, silly, expositional, dumb American. For those of you about to be like ‘She’s spying on Grindelwald! She’s the greatest legilimens that ever lived!’ I just want to beg you to reconsider because if you’re right and if the writers get wind of that you know they’re going to have her like teach little Tom Riddle something just BECAUSE everything has to connect.

- Poor Jacob he seems okay with being stranded in another country. Is his bakery okay? Do his friends know he isn’t dead? He is super super super brave throughout this movie despite his main comedic strength in the other movie being nervous. But this time he’s like meh firefights and large monsters.

- Credence I understand going over. Nagini continues to not be a character and did not go with Newt and Crew.

- Wasn’t even sad for Theseus because again, Theseus had little to no character development except being a Whipping Boy to authority. Theseus and Leta never interacted in any meaningful way. Their relationship didn’t even seem real. I wasn’t even sad.

- I feel like Leta isn’t dead though because who the fuck else is carrying this LeStrange line to give birth to Rabastan and Rodolphus.

- At this point everyone apparates AGAIN to Hogwarts. This time I guess a ghost went and alerted Dumbledore because he’s waiting. But yeah like come on in for tea Newt but fuck all those kids they can wait here.

- What is this plot?? Is there a plot?? What is going on??

- Who gives someone a wand like this hi I hid it up my sleeve touch me my boy I long for your touch.

- This is a phoenix, not a Raven. Newt is a sad ordinary bird but you’re a bright beautiful phoenix. Apparently phoenixes can grow up in ONE DAY. Foreshadowing Dumbledore is foreshadowing. LAZY WRITING this is so stupid. The books would have been EXPLICIT about a fourth child.

- Maybe he’s a cousin. Close relative, perhaps? *Pleakley voice*

“He hasn’t got a brother?”

Dobby shook his head.

Literally where I’m at right now.

- ABRUPT ENDING IS ABRUPT I didn’t even realize this was the end of the film because the score, cinematography, and writing did NOT cue me that this was winding down. I literally was like ‘how long does this last’ and then it was like DAVID YATES. Okayyyyyyy.

- Anyway my sum feeling upon the lights going on was: what the fuck. was there a plot. there were so many loopholes. i was confused about many things almost the whole time because nothing was fleshed out and if they threw enough CGI at me I’d be patched up.

Final rating: It matches up pretty well to the middle film of The Hobbit trilogy.

#crimes of grindelwald #spoilers #ftbcog

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houseofspells21 · 3 years

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The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

There are endless options for Harry Potter gifts in the world of Harry Potter. It’s Christmas, but also, Dumbledore's birthday, Harry's birthday Halloween, the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, September 1st, New Year's Eve (Voldemort's birthday); the list goes on and on. What I'm saying is, it's not a bad time to reward your inner nerd with Harry Potter items or, in my case, a full shelf.

All you have to do is make a wish by entering the item shop and it will have everything a Harry Potter fan favorite could ever ask for. We have a huge collection of officially licensed Harry Potter items. From cool prints on men's and women's T-shirts to original collectibles and exclusive accessories, we have everything for you in this merchandise store. It is perfect for any wizard or wizard to fulfil the fantasies of the wizarding world.

Wands and magic go hand in hand. The Luna Lovegood Ollivander wand is a great gift for children and comes in a sturdy box. Designed exclusively for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Universal Studios parks and resorts, the wand comes with a map, but you don't have to visit the park to own one. You can create an amazing magical experience with this interactive magic wand and maybe on

One thing that makes the wizarding world of Harry Potter so appealing is that it gives fans a chance to escape into a rich world of possibility. Fans of the vast Harry Potter wizarding universe have many characters to fall in love with, from the wand-throwing protagonist himself to his cronies Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley and other characters like Severus Snape, Bellatrix Lestrange, Draco Malfoy, Dolores. Umbridge, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Dobby, and Lord Voldemort.

Harry Potter merchandise can change an entire house or just a room. Wall art is a great way to decorate a gaming room, playroom, or bedroom. Go just explore our latest Harry potter merch.

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surveyhoursss · 3 years

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150.

Character survey:

Your name is unusual where you live.

People often say you are attractive.

You tend to deny compliments that you get.

Other people of your same gender are jealous of your looks.

Your natural hair color is unusual or rare.

Your natural eye color is unusual or rare.

You strongly resemble a certain famous person.

Despite poor eating and/or exercise habits, you are still thin.

Sometimes people worry that you're anorexic, but you're not.

You are cross-cultural. (your parents are from two different countries).

You are half- or part -Oriental.

Even after getting dirty or sweaty, you still look good.

You smell good without cologne, perfume, et cetera.

You have at least one scar with an interesting story behind how you got it.

You have at least one scar or birthmark that is plainly, obviously visible, but doesn't make you look ugly.

When you stare at people or off into space, they almost always (A) feel like you're staring into their soul or reading their mind, (B) think you're up to something, or (C) feel like you know something they either don't know or don't want you to tell.

You don't often get sick.

You often dress impractically (i.e. show up looking gorgeous to a charity event or marathon, somewhere you'd usually dress sloppy and casual).

You stand up for others, even if it means risking your own well-being.

You are brave or daring to the point of recklessness.

Your beliefs are extremely, radically liberal.

You are sarcastic and witty.

You are disrespectful to authority, but only when they deserve it.

You are punished more harshly than others.

You have Antisocial Personality Disorder.

You have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder).

You are SELF-DIAGNOSED with ADD or ADHD.

Animals love you.

You have a pet cat.

You consider yourself above average intelligence.

You have a glamorous occupation (i.e. lawyer, executive, anything artistic or theatrical, et cetera).

You are a legal adult, have not reached retirement age, and don't have to work for a living.

You fit a certain stereotype (nerd, goth, hipster, "popular" person, et cetera).

You have a very good singing voice.

You play at least one musical instrument.

You have exceptional artistic talent.

Sometimes it seems like you're psychic or telepathic.

You are fluent or near-fluent in more than one language.

You succeed at almost anything you put your mind to.

Your Plan A usually works.

Most everyone underestimates you.

People are jealous of your abilities. (only linguistic skills, I'm not the talented goddess that my close friends are lol)

You have learned martial arts (any kind).

Your parent(s) or guardian(s) aren't (or weren't) very strict.

You possess an important family heirloom.

Your parents trust you, for the most part.

You have a lot of friends and/or are "popular.”

You are angsty.

Certain circumstances of your childhood were strange or unusual.

You suffer "rebellious princess syndrome" (feminism, extreme tomboyishness, et cetera).

You have lied, exaggerated, or de-exaggerated in some of your answers in this quiz to avoid seeming like you're bragging.

TOTAL: 24/50

~ ~ ~

RESULTS

1-9: CAMEO

You're not the sort of person who could be the protagonist of a book or movie, but you're certainly the sort of down-to-earth, matter-of-fact person I'd like to be friends with. You're the "filler characters" who make books and movies possible and probably have their own cool stories going on in the background that we don't know about (but we sure would like to!). Unless you answered "yes" to the bonus question, in which case, you liar, go take the quiz again.

EXAMPLE: Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, Mai or Ty Lee from Avatar: The Last Airbender

10-19: PROTAGONIST'S BEST FRIEND OR ANTAGONIST'S RIGHT-HAND (WO)MAN

You're more the "protagonist's best friend" than the "protagonist." But that's okay, because the "protagonist's best friend" usually ends up being everyone's favorite character anyways. Why? Because you're the guy everyone can relate to - and, more importantly, you're often the comic relief AND, at times, you're what keeps the plot chugging forward. This category also contains the heroes who have to try extra hard to save the day, like, harder than the average hero (an offhand example of this is Megamind).

EXAMPLES: Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley from Harry Potter, Jack Harkness from Doctor Who

20-29: PROTAGONIST OR ANTAGONIST

You're a good, healthy medium. In a nutshell, you're worth paying attention to: dramatic, but not melodramatic, and different, but not overwhelmingly so. I...should really write a longer description for this, but I'm really tired, so I won't. Just...skip to the examples.

EXAMPLES: Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Dan Phantom from Danny Phantom

30-39: EPIC HERO

An "epic hero" is the protagonist of a story that fits the general "hero's journey cycle.” Epic heroes tend to act a tad more on the unrealistic side (maybe melodramatic, perhaps not always reacting to situations like a normal human being, doing arguably stupid things for the sake of a good cause and in the name of courage / honor / love / family / friendship), but they make up the bulk of really good stories out there. Why? Because epic heroes are interesting, they're dynamic - epic heroes are who we wish we could be, but never actually could be.

EXAMPLES: Harry Potter from Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker from Star Wars, any protagonist who falls into an obvious trap in order to save someone they love

40-51: MARY SUE

Congratulations - you are a perfect (or near-perfect) specimen of human being. Can I have your autograph? But really. Mary Sues are annoying as hell in fiction BECAUSE they're perfect - they're that person you'd give anything to switch lives with. You know. THAT person. There's only one person in existence who generates more jealousy than a Mary Sue, and that is Batman. Because he's Batman!

EXAMPLES: Lily Evans from Harry Potter, Astrid from How to Train Your Dragon, Annabeth from Percy Jackson & the Olympians

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emmmarosie · 3 years

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Every Character I Never Was: Entertainment Discourse

I have always preferred introducing myself as a fictional character:

How do you do? My name is Hermione Granger. I’m an outgoing overachiever, the know-it-all with her hand raised at the front of every classroom, but I’m also shy.

I find it hard to be vulnerable in front of others unless I truly trust them, and I’ve never been asked to a dance.

Hello. My name is Klaus Baudelaire. I spend my time expanding my vocabulary so no one has any reason to question my intelligence. I love my siblings more than anything in this world, and I’m empathetic to a fault.

Hi. My name is Elizabeth Bennet, but most people call me Lizzy. I’m a fiercely independent and outspoken romantic who is still learning what it means to be a feminist.

See, I have always preferred introducing myself as a fictional character because it’s easier to hide behind them. No one can be critical of my own personality when it’s been carefully crafted using the attributes of others.

When I read Sally Rooney’s Normal People for the first time, I watched her protagonist, Marianne Sheridan, do the exact same thing.

Intelligent, perceptive, moody, and unpopular, Marianne is a case study in persona. She “has never believed herself fit to be loved by any person,” so she shapeshifts, makes herself into the Marianne she thinks others will be most comfortable with.

I saw myself in her, and was startled. I saw myself in her, but never wanted to introduce myself as her. For the first time, I wanted better for myself. I wanted better for us.

I read Normal People exactly when I needed to. It came to me the summer before my senior year of college during a global pandemic when everything felt (and still feels) complicated and uncertain. The way that time moves fluidly throughout the novel creates snapshots of the characters’ early twenties, echoing my own period of loss, confusion, and self-discovery.

Rooney’s novel explores what it’s like to know and be known completely by another person. Marianne and love interest, Connell, are both fully in tune with each other’s idiosyncrasies, simultaneously enthralled and terrified of their attraction to one another. It is a book that forces you to read it all in one sitting because of the way Rooney articulates intimacy. It is such a raw, authentic, and compelling portrait of first love that captures the beauty of both physical and intellectual intimacy, letting someone in beyond the façade.

“They talk about the novels he’s reading, the research she studies, the precise historical moment that they are currently living in, the difficulty of observing such a moment in process.”

Marianne and Connell are stripped down to their barest selves within the pages of this novel, acutely aware of their flaws and failings, and yet, they still find acceptance within themselves and each other.

At university, Marianne opens up. She begins to define herself on her own terms, just as I have through my poetry at the end of my college career, and it was comforting to empathize with a character through lived experience as opposed to taking on another persona.

I still identify with Hermione, Klaus, and Lizzy. I still like to think of myself as cool enough to be one of Sally Rooney’s protagonists. But now, I introduce myself as myself, no qualifiers:

Hi. My name is Emma Yahr. I’m a poet and feminist in progress, and for now that is more than enough.

“She closes her eyes. He probably won’t come back, she thinks. Or he will, differently. What they have now they can never have back again. But for her the pain of loneliness will be nothing to the pain that she used to feel, of being unworthy.”

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tomionefinds · 5 years

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Hey, any where Hermione goes back but then Riddle comes back with her to the future? Maybe where students from both times end up figuring out what’s going on? I think it would be really cool if multiple generations figured out the whole story from both sides and become part of the conflict. Especially if everyone else starts time traveling back and fourth too. Time fics tend to be very focused on just Hermione turning bad, trying to avoid Riddle and not destroying the timeline. Too much angst

Hey Anon, I sort of did an impromptu answer to this in another post you can find here. I’ve included the two fics the original asker was using as a base for you as well. -JD

Well Roared, Lion by treeson

M | WIP | 129k

It seemed ironic that the one thing that could ruin the magical world, the defeat of Voldemort, and Hermione Granger's perfectly ordered life was a book. Time-travel fic. Tom/Hermione. DH-compliant.

unsphere the stars by cocoartist

M | WIP | 225k

When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story. [Tomione WIP]

#asks #time turner/time travel #Met: at Hogwarts #Generation: Riddle #Generation: Potter

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siriusist · 4 years

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dark chocolate bonbons; victoria sponge cake

dark chocolate bonbons: who is your favorite heroine from literature?

That’s really difficult off the top of my head, honestly (And honestly, and unfortunately, there’s not a lot of top heroines outside of the stereotypical ones, like Hermione Granger, Elizabeth Bennett, etc.) Some childhood favourites are probably Matilda and Nancy Drew, but I wouldn’t say necessarily they’re my favourites of all time.

Probably I’d say outside of enjoying the actual book (because it is a bit of a slog and I prefer the BBC series if I’m being absolutely honest), I do love the concept of Margaret Hale from North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. She’s really the first example of a woman protagonist advocating for change in a system that is cruel and unjust to workers, and basically is a unionist version of Pride and Prejudice, lets be real.

Other than that, I’d say in terms of pure enjoyment reading her character, it’s honestly got to be Miss Marple by Agatha Christie. I went through a huge Agatha Christie phase where I literally read every original Miss Marple book (and some just written in her name), and it’s just such a fantastic concept of this little old lady taking advantage of being a little old lady and not letting her mind ‘die’ like everyone assumes it will when you pass sixty for a woman, and basically outsmarting everyone by just casually playing their grandma and low-key interrogating them. She’s basically everything I aspire to be as an elderly woman xD

I’ll also give a mention to Clarice Starling from Silence of the Lambs. Although I’m not a fan of where the books actually went (Imagine an elven year old reading the sequels to Silence of the Lambs, and not being turned off by any of the blood and gore, but basically by the fact that Clarice fell in love with Hannibal, just looking up, and being like, DID THIS END IN A LOW KEY SEX SCENE- UGH xD. It’s so much more interesting when they’re playing that cat and mouse game; but I digress).

I love Clarice so much, and how Jodie Foster played her in the actual film is just as great. I love the cinematography too, which also played on a lot of themes from the inner narrative of the original book from Clarice’s perspective: Guys looking her over like she’s (ironically) a piece of meat, being the one small woman in a field almost exclusively at the time for men, being hit on constantly by weird creeps in the field, and having to keep her cool and composure, look forward, and match wits with Hannibal, all while not letting her traumatic past catch up with her. I looked up to her so much as a child, and still do now.

(Also, honourable mention for Lady Macbeth and the line, “Unsex me here.” Brilliant forever. xD And a low-key mention for Brienne of Tarth, even though I still have not properly read the Game of Thrones books besides skimming the chapters of people I actually enjoy (AKA Brienne). xD

victoria sponge cake: what is your favorite poem?

Okay, I’m going to start this with a bit of a rant, because I never found myself traditionally drawn to poetry (I’m much more of a prose person), but you know who didn’t help with that in doing a double minor in English and German literature and a Classics major?

WILLIAM FUCKING BLAKE.

Every time I think of the worst poetry imaginable, I think about William FUCKING Blake and his STUPID poems which I can recite (unfortunately) to this day. How insipid, how twee, how CLOYING (even though I appreciate he was ATTEMPTING to get a social message across). I hate all of it. It’s saccharine and stupid and my favourite fact is that even in his time period everyone thought his poetry was insipid and cloying and ‘eccentric’ and how he wasn’t ‘recognised as a genius in his own time,’ and I’m like, “YES. BECAUSE HIS POETRY IS TERRIBLE AND I LITERALLY HAD TO RECITE ‘TIGER TIGER’ IN GRADE TWELVE ENGLISH, FIRST YEAR UNDERGRAD, SECOND YEAR UNDERGRAD, AND THIRD YEAR UNDERGRAD, WITH WILLIAM BLAKE GETTING AN ENTIRE UNIT IN ALL OF THEM. I HATE IT, I HATE IT SO MUCH. XD

Anyhow, now that I’ve gotten THAT out of the way, let’s talk about a poet who SHOULD be featured over William Blake ANYDAY, and that’s Langston Hughes. The Harlem Renaissance is infinitely more interesting and important in representing the diversity and the ideas that came out of the States any day than William Blake attempting to speak about social politics in the most cloying way imaginable.

I wouldn’t say it’s my ‘favourite’ poem, in that I find it enjoyable, but ever since we covered it in Literature 12 in high school, I always loved “Harlem” by Langston Hughes.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore— And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over— like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

The first line is just so iconic, “What happens to a dream deferred?” And this image of it either shrivelling up like a raisin or this explosion of anger and frustration- obviously Hughes was speaking to the black experience and frustration of the poor in the 1920s in Harlem, but I find myself always quoting that line mentally whenever I find myself in a situation which leads to me suppressing a part of myself or a dream, and knowing that might be my only few options- to let it pucker up and prune inside of me, or to let it explode in anger. I always found it accessible outside of the historical connotations because anyone under the burden of capitalism in modern society can feel these things: Anyone who wasn’t born into affluence, but has smarts, a drive, wit. And like some sort of horrible boil, the last option is that their dream (and the person involved in that dream) can just explode, and then people wonder why individuals under a system which is most often set up to directly negate their success, lash out. It just really says everything, doesn’t it? (I didn’t mean to end this on a ranting downer, but there you go xD)

#personal #answers #meme #:3 #literature #future reference

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