#conundrum estate

[lefaystrent]

Janus stumbles upon a tiny black kitten.

It's just sitting there, a tiny ball of adorable floof on the sidewalk edge. Janus glances around, as if someone will miraculously appear on the abandoned street to claim ownership. But he's in the mindscape, and honestly the street only goes in a square around Thomas's apartment building. There's only so much real estate you can fit into one man's head. At any rate, the other sides hardly venture out here. This kitten is totes fucked unless Janus does something.

"Oh I couldn't possibly," Janus demures at the narrator. "Besides, it's imaginary. I'm sure it'll be fine on its own."

"Mew," chirps the ball of floof and emerges out of its loafing position to waddle in Janus's direction.

Janus, lord of the lies and all things deception, evil mastermind extradonaire, feels his breath hitch.

Just look at the little paws.

"No!" Janus exclaims, shaking out of his cute-induced stupor. "The last pet I had was Sacagawea the hamster, and we all know what happened to her! Not that I care about teacup sized critters. Begone, little beast."

"Mew," another plaintive meow comes as the kitten reaches his ankles. It swats at him with its stubby claws, trying and failing to climb his pants leg.

"I am a gentleman of standards," Janus tells the cat seriously.

The puny kitten looks up at him imploringly with round-saucer like eyes.

Janus drops to the ground and coos, "Oh no, you're meeting all of my standards!"

The kitten starts up a punitive-engine of a purr as Janus scoops it up in his gloved hands. It chirps intermittently and Janus's ice-cold snake heart melts.

"I'm not keeping you," Janus promises fondly. "This doesn't go beyond a simple scratching. Do I make myself clear?"

"Meeew," the kitten squeaks and Janus nearly falls over himself to bring the kitten's face to his so he can rub their noses together.

The next day the sides are in the midst of filming a video with Thomas in his living room when Logan cuts himself off in the middle of citing his sources to say, "What was that noise?"

"Sorry, I ate burritos earlier," Remus apologizes, not appearing very apologetic.

"No, it sounded like–" Logan cuts himself off again as everyone hears the sound this time.

A muffled mewing.

All eyes fall on Janus in his corner. He stands there, seemingly unaffected, but upon closer inspection with eyeballs, one can see how stiff his posture is.

Patton peers closer with his balls of eyes. "Jan...is this that mewing trend all the kids are doing nowadays?"

"That is not what that means," Roman says, but he's mostly distracted with staring at Janus. "Wanna tell us something, Cat in the Hat?"

The deceitful side bristles. "I haven't the foggiest what you mean."

Janus's hat meows. More than that, there's something shuffling underneath.

Thomas's mouth is slightly agape as he asks, "Janus, did your hat just meow?"

"It did nothing of the sort."

"Kiddo, do you have a kitty cat under there or are you just happy to see us?"

"I– since when do you make jokes like that?"

"Jokes like what?" Patton blinks back.

Janus rolls his eyes and brushes imaginary lint off his imaginary shoulder. "Nevermind. Weren't we discussing Thomas's never-ending cycle of conundrums?"

"Yeeeah," Virgil drags the word out. "You can't just act like we all can't see your hat moving."

"Yes, and we all heard it meowing," Logan muses, ignoring Janus's automatic hissing of, "You heard nothing!"

"But why the hat?" Thomas ponders.

Logan nods, also curious, "Is this a coping mechanism after the loss of Sacagawea the hamster?"

"May she rest in peace, amen," Patton prays while Roman performs a Catholic cross over himself.

Thomas glances at all of them, "You guys know that I never actually owned a pet hamster, right?"

"Dude, too soon," Virgil chides him, and Thomas has the consideration to look abashed.

Janus crosses his arms to look cool. He doesn't. He keeps tipping his head this way and that to keep his hat from toppling over.

"This is a perfectly normal way for me to stand," Janus says.

Roman secretly slides Remus five bucks. Remus dives onto the floor and army crawls behind Janus. Somehow everyone but Janus sees it.

"By all means, do keep staring," Janus says, guarded and on edge and his rolls definitely tootsied. What.

Remus rises up behind him. Off comes the hat.

"Mew!"

"Oh my goodness, that's so precious!!" Patton squeals.

The kitten is belly flopped on top of Janus's head. It's so small that it almost gets lost in the hair, if not for the stark contrast against Janus's lighter color.

"Hey Virgil, it looks just like you!" Roman crows, earning himself a well deserved middle finger.

"Drat, you've uncovered my secret," Janus drones and gives Remus a withering look that promises they will exchange words later. Remus is too wrapped up in giving little chin scritches to the kitty to be bothered.

Thomas also inevitably succumbs to cuteness overload, but he does manage to ask why the heck Janus felt like he needed to keep the cat a secret.

"Because Thomas," Janus throws his arm out to make his cloak flare out. For the drama. Then he flourishes his hand towards the cat on his head. "You weren't ready to meet this new side of yourself, but I guess the cat is out of the bag."

"The cat was under a hat, to clarify."

"LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED YOU, LOGAN!"

"No one ever does, and yet that would solve over half of Thomas's problems."

"When you mean new side, does that mean...?" Thomas asks Janus, his voice filling with wonder. His eyes are getting that crazed glint in his eyes, like he's five seconds away from becoming a Florida Man meme. The background music ramps up into a crescendo at this new epiphany. Thomas knew there were more sides he hadn't met, but to think–!

"No, no, no," Logan says, waving his hands in an X motion. "This is a misunderstanding created from Janus's misleading statement. Don't do this–whatever it is you're doing. Stop it."

Virgil weighs in as well, "Hate to break it to you, but your most animal side is Janus."

"Does this mean Thomas is a furry?" Remus gasps.

"Yesss," Janus hisses out. Then he thinks about it. "I mean no. I mean– what?"

"So what's the baby's name?" Patton asks. He has come close too to join Remus in the giving of scratchies. A noble cause!

"It's a black cat, so why not Catman?" Roman offers. "I am the darkness. I am the night. I am...Catman!"

"Very original," Virgil praises, but it's just subtly sarcastic enough that Roman gives an heartfelt, "Thank you!"

"Can I pet?" Thomas asks, hand reaching out hopefully.

The sides grimace and wince.

"Oooh, yeah, about that..."

"Sorry, man."

"You can't actually..."

"Imaginary, remember?"

"Maybe if you think really hard and imagine touching fur..."

"Don't patronize him. Not with this."

"Yeah, kitty buisness is serious buisness."

"Are we ever going to return to the original topic?"

"Cats take priority. Don't you know that?"

"By what parameters? And by whom?"

"It's like when a cat falls asleep in your lap. By law, you cannot disturb it. On pain of death."

"A bit overdramatic, but not wrong. It's an actual thing."

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

"Thank you!"

"Patton, why are you petting a cat when you know you're allergic?"

"You would think that imaginary cats wouldn't agitate allergies."

"Thomas has a really vivid imagination."

"Why does everything innocent sound dirty coming out of your mouth?"

"Speaking of mouths and coming–"

Thomas, Patton, and Roman all shove their hands over their ears and scream, "LA LA LA!"

With everyone distracted (as part of Janus's master plan), Janus uses the moment of ensuing chaos to skeddadle away.

They never do learn the kitty's name, but they do eventually discover a horde of cats in Janus's room at some point, but that's another story.

[hoesheez]

Morning Cuddles…

SeongJoong/AFAB Reader

WARNINGS: language, unprotected sex, slight breeding?

A/N: the first of many matz/reader fics im so sorry 🤭HELP ME I CANT STOP WRITING FOR THEM HAHA! its short but fluffy and smutty ❤️

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

You awoke in the plush hotel bed, yawning quietly as to not wake your boyfriends sleeping next to you. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and turned to your right seeing Seonghwa sleeping peacefully, his plump lips parted slightly. You then turned to your left and were met with Hongjoong’s back towards you, the toned expanse of his back beckoning you to litter it with sweet kisses. You had to decide in that moment who you’d snuggle up against first, who knew having two very popular celebrity boyfriends would turn into the most first world type of problem for you?

Last night was such a blur. The two men arrived at your hotel room and were on you as soon as the door was shut behind them. They were still sweaty from their concert, almost as if they rushed over to you as soon as their closing remarks were done. You pulled away with a giggle to get a good look at them, always having to reassure yourself that they in fact were THEE Kim Hongjoong and THEE Park Seonghwa of Ateez. They looked back at you, Seonghwa’s eyes still a bit swollen from his tearful ending ment. You moved to hug him tightly, “I love you so much,” you said and he hugged you back tightly. Although Hongjoong was quite the jealous type, he let the two of you have your moment and walked off, knowing he’d be next in receiving your love and praise.

“You did so well today my star, I’m so proud of you.” you kissed him and he whispered a small “Thank you” against your lips. You took his hand and went to Hongjoong, who was waiting patiently for the two of you. He lay back on his elbows, his piercing gaze looking right into your soul. “And my Captain, you were incredible too.” He followed you as you moved to straddle him while Seonghwa stood right behind you, his hands beginning to wander down your front.

After that, the three of you enjoyed a night full of heavy breaths, gentle kisses and lots of overstimulation. So now here you were, sleepy and sore, deciding which man to hug first. Oh the horrible conundrum you were in, one that you knew anyone would kill for.

Seonghwa’s hand was within reach and you thought about reaching out and holding it, wondering if that would wake him up. You knew they were bone tired and needed rest, especially after fucking you for hours after a whole concert. Then you looked at Hongjoong’s back, so much free real estate to kiss and mark up. They both shared your body so well last night, you wanted to be able to hold them both at once. You sighed and turned to Hongjoong, ready to wake him up with gentle kisses along his blemish free skin but you felt that same outstretched hand you saw earlier on your own back, trailing a finger down slowly. “And here I was hoping you’d pick me first.” Seonghwa’s deep morning voice made you turn over to him. His eyes were still closed but a wide smile was on his face. “Have you been up this whole time? Weirdo.” you teased and moved closer to him, giving him a kiss that he seemed to so desperately want by the way he puckered his lips at you. “Good morning.” he said softly and pulled you closer by your waist.

“Fucking sluts.” you heard Hongjoong say behind you, laughing into the kiss with Seonghwa. Hongjoong turned and shimmied closer to you, taking you by the waist and placing heated kisses on your neck and back. “Seonghwa you’re so lucky we’re best friends, otherwise I’d probably get jealous.” he sighed and moved his hand down to explore in between your legs. You and seonghwa giggled, knowing the two of them were waaaay more than just besties. “After last night I’d say the two of you were married but, whatever.” you teased and felt Seonghwa reach his hand down to meet Hongjoong’s.

You moaned softly as they stuffed their fingers inside of you, your right hand moving to grab onto Hongjoong while the left went to hold onto Seonghwa. Seonghwa’s mouth moved down to suck and lick at your waiting nipples, while you and Hongjoong engaged in a deep open mouth kiss. Christ you felt like the luckiest person in the whole world, feeling pleasure like this should be regulated. There’s no way this was actually legal? Seonghwa pulled his fingers out of your sopping pussy and greedily began pushing the weeping head of his cock into you with a grunt. “Still so tight even after we ruined you last night, fuck!” he said before burying his face in your neck, still sleepy and tired but so needy for your warmth. Your hands flew to his long hair where you tugged and pulled him in for a kiss instead. Hongjoong used your wetness to pump into your asshole, his slicked fingers stretching you out just enough to slide his cock in with minimal effort. He hissed at your tightness, his painted nails dug into your plush thigh. The two men worked on fucking you, their moans and growls like sweet music to your ears. You were in a frenzy now, what with trying to touch them both desperately and kissing them back to back with vigor. The three of you chased your highs together, your body coming undone with them both sucking at your neck and fucking you so deep you were sure you saw stars. You clenched down on Seonghwa’s thick cock, a near whimper escaping his mouth as your body writhed from your intense orgasm.

“Feel good baby?” Hongjoong cooed as he kissed you, soon moving to lean up and over you to kiss Seonghwa passionately. You watched through half lidded eyes as the two men kissed each other messily, Hongjoong only stopping midway as his release washed over him. “My two loves cumming so hard for me, I’m so lucky.” Seonghwa said as he held onto Hongjoong’s face tenderly, his seed spurting into you in thick ribbons.

Seonghwa held the two of you in his long arms as he lay back down, using your spent pussy as a sleeve to fuck you into his own peak. While he chased his high, Hongjoong rubbed circles into your clit, bringing you to cum again along with Seonghwa. The eldest sighed and threw his head back as he came, exposing his neck for you and Hongjoong to quickly kiss and suck hickeys into .

The three of you then lay there spent and sleepy once again, your pussy and ass full of their cum. You moved first, signaling for them to pull out as you turned to hug Hongjoong. “Fucking finally,” he said sticking his tongue out at Seonghwa, who just laughed at him. You sighed and whispered an “I love you, both of you.” to them before falling asleep in their loving embrace.

They watched quietly as you slept peacefully cuddled against them. “We’ll have to leave them soon.” Hongjoong said as he pulled you closer, his arms holding both you and Seonghwa close. Seonghwa sighed and pulled the two of you closer to him, his hands resting on Hongjoong’s lower back. “I know, so let’s just enjoy the time we have with them now, get some rest babe.” he said reassuring his leader and lover, the two of them soon falling asleep along with you.

A/N: this came to me (no pun intended) a while ago when i imagined whod be suuuuuper clingy in the morning, the answer is both! 🤭 but yeah short and sweet matz things i think about?? IS IT JUST ME WHO THINKS THIS? 😳 HEHEHE

[britcision]

Hey by the way just thinking about Shuro and the lengths he went to to stop his party from ever meeting his attendants

Like

He didn’t even wait for Laios to wake up

Didn’t think to offer “hey I’m going after Falin And You Can Come Too”

He got a slower start cuz they supplied up and it’s so incredibly for the best that they did cuz without Senshi none of this would have happened, but it’s also really funny to me

He was So Intent that none of his cool Island friends find out he’s a Lord. They never knew he was anything but a freaking lone swordsman, he asked Falin to marry him but Did He Mention They’d Have To Go Back To Rule An Estate?

I don’t think he did

Because whether he’d ever have gone through with it or not, I think he was pretending he didn’t have to go back

Maizuru and the gals arrived on the Island with him, and Laios and Marcille never knew any of them existed… and Laios knew Shuro for ages

The first people in Shuro’s life who didn’t already know exactly who he was? Who weren’t directly under his father’s power?

I think he pretended he and Falin could just run away together and be happy, probably with Laios (and Shuro hopes not Marcille she scares him), and just. Never address that whole lord thing.

Cuz sure, he didn’t want to wait before heading after Falin. He wasn’t exactly thinking clearly, since they’d already not been eating for 3 days and got TPK’d

But hoo boy did he make sure his cool new friends Never Ever Ever met his dad’s girlfriend or find out he had a squad of ninjas just. On hold.

Absolutely wild this man is a walking millefeuille of issues and conundrums who only makes things worse for himself

[localplaguenurse]

Dottolone AU where Pantalone is a dragon and keeps abducting the Omega segment whenever he feels neglected because Omega’s a robot version of his mate, that sets off both the mate instincts AND hoarding instincts.

At least 9 times out of 10, whenever Dottore comes back from a long trip or finally emerges from his lab after a few weeks, the first thing he has to do is go to Pantalone’s estate to get his robot back. He doesn’t even need to see if Omega’s actually gone, he just knows that after like three weeks Pantalone has definitely taken him by now.

Pantalone’s all smug with his tail (and arms and legs tbh) wrapped around Omega possessively while Omega is completely indifferent. Of course the only way Omega will be let go is if Dottore himself takes his place. Quite a difficult conundrum, no?

“You do this once a month. It’s very inconvenient for my research.”

“And it is very inconvenient that I only have a metal imitation of my lover whenever you’re busy.”

“You are Teyvat’s most insufferable and desperate reptile.”

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Is the divorce coming?

The Sussexes have reissued their demands to Charles. This time, through Roya Nikkah (scroll to the end for the link). Except...I don't think this is Meghan. I think this is Harry trying to negotiate the terms of returning to the UK after a Sussex divorce with ultimatums (e.g., "I'll come back like you want me to, Pa, but only if...").

Look at this quote that Roya attributes to an unnamed friend of Harry's: "Meghan seems to have decided that coming back more [to the UK] is not what she wants to do, but Harry would like to." This is probably the most obvious, if not outright, hint that Harry and Meghan are planning to separate soon, if they haven't already. Reading between the lines, Harry planning for his children to live in the US while he works as a full-time royal in the UK.

Anyway. Harry's demands.

"Diplomatic" status back via official Counsellor of State status: "[Charles's] decision to keep Harry as a counsellor of state...has created a dilemma. By law, counsellors of state are requried to have a UK domicile, but Harry has no home here...courtiers have discussed leasing a property on the royal estate"

A permanent residence in the UK: "There is work to be done here [in the UK] in terms of the charities, and there would be opportunities in the future where [Harry] will want to be here a bit more. If they could have kept Frogmore, they would have done - it was the perfect setup for them."

The return of Harry's full permanent security detail: "The prince has challenged the decision by the Home Office to remove his Metropolitan Police protection when he is in the UK, even though he has offered to pay for it himself. A legal representative for Harry has said he is 'unable to return to his home' with his family because it is too dangerous."

BRF to make amends first: "...if Charles offered the Sussexes a home on the royal estate, 'it would be an ever-so-slight softening of relations.'"

Also, Roya's article makes it pointedly clear that from the Harry's perspective, it's the courtiers and the Waleses who don't want them back despite Charles leaving the door open for them:

Throwing the courtiers under the bus: "last week, courtiers were keen to ensure that William returned to the UK from his solo trip to New York on Wednesday morning, before Charles and Camilla departed for their state visit to France on the same day."

Throwing the Waleses under the bus: "According to royal sources, courtiers have discussed leasing a property on the royal estate to Harry and Meghan to try to resolve the counsellor-of-state conundrum. One option understood to have been considered is accommodation at Kensington Palace, where the Prince and Princess of a home and their private office. They spend few nights there, having moved their family to Windsor."

Here's the archived link to Roya's article: https://archive.ph/Gr8pJ

(I'm having a lot of trouble getting this link to post. Let me know in the comments if it doesn't work for you.)

[bridenore]

HD House Magic fic recs

Here are a few Harry/Draco recs featuring house magic. Listed in alphabetical order, as always.

Changing with the season by @harryromper [36k]

Harry’s determined the first time he hosts the extended Weasley clan for Christmas will be a success. The Grimmauld Place advent calendar has other ideas … until Draco shows up to help.

The Claiming of Grimmauld Place by @bixgirl1 [74k]

When Grimmauld Place begins fighting against Harry’s ownership of it, he decides he needs help to train the historic home — but little does he expect that it’ll be Malfoy who’s most suitable for the challenge. However, as Malfoy and Harry get closer, Harry comes to understand that expectations aren’t always the best path by which to guide his heart — and in the process learns just what is needed to make a house a home.

Coffee, Cakes and Doorknob Snakes by Omi_Ohmy [40k]

Harry’s house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it’s Draco Malfoy.

Make Yourself by @anyaelizabethfic​ [103k]

Harry just wants to be safe within the freshly painted walls of Grimmauld Place, with his friends around him. But when he hears Draco Malfoy has been spotted at the local soup kitchen, he can’t help but encourage a different type of stray to come under his roof.

Martyred by @doingthechachaslide [82k]

Harry Potter only wants one thing: to take care of the people he loves. After Teddy’s abrupt departure from his role as Andromeda’s caretaker, Harry decides it’s finally time to step up and handle the job himself. Castoff Manor, an old Black family estate, has never seemed as sinister as the stories make it sound, but it’s there that Harry stumbles upon ghosts, haunting family secrets, and a familiar, snarky blond gardener hell-bent on chasing him out. Maybe if Harry sticks around long enough, he’ll finally learn why all of Andromeda’s previous caretakers have fled without looking back.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker by @firethesound [11k]

Sometimes, Harry can't help but wonder why such strange shit always happens to him.

Stately Homes of Wiltshire  by @waspabi [57k]

Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Title & Possession by @kbrick [49k]

Harry Potter’s life is going well in the aftermath of the war. Sure, his house is dark and run-down and might hate him (while his house elf definitely hates him). But other than that, things are good. Except, yeah, okay, Hermione and Ron are no longer on speaking terms. Worse, they keep trying to get Harry to pick sides. But otherwise, Harry couldn’t be happier. Well. Except for the fact that Ginny is being super weird about their relationship and never wants to have sex or talk about the future. But other than that, Harry is perfectly fine, thankyouverymuch. At least, he is until Draco Malfoy sues him for ownership of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Then Harry really isn’t fine at all.

The Unknown Door by @amywaterwings [60k]

There is something wrong with the Bellcrest. The heart of the place beats rotten. Everyone says so. Where Draco is a magical property manager, Harry is a recluse, and they’re definitely not hiding from their problems in the run-down flats of the Bellcrest. Not at all. Not one bit. It goes as well as one might expect.

The Unplottable Time Conundrum by @writcraft [45k]

When the past starts bleeding into the present at Grimmauld Place, an old academic article pulls Draco Malfoy out of his life of luxury. Haunted by the memory of a fleeting post-war kiss and thrust into the ghostly spaces inhabited by Unspeakable Harry Potter, Draco’s easy life is about to get a whole lot more complicated.

What Dreams May Come by @firethesound [36k]

If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.

What We Pretend We Can’t See by @gyzym [131k]

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Who Will Guard the Door by musamihi [36k]

The day his father is sentenced, Draco takes the Mark and is given his impossible task. Thorfinn Rowle, assigned to be his mentor, is less interested in assisting him than in satisfying his own appetites. As Draco sinks further into failure and watches the war sweep his parents away from him, he takes refuge in the Manor – a member of the family he never knew he had. But the Manor suffers its own wounds during Lord Voldemort’s residency, and the Chosen One may be the only force that can heal them.

You open always (petal by petal) by birdsofshore [65k]

Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is.

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

[thesims4blogger]

The Sims 4: New Game Patch (April 16th, 2024)

EA is releasing a new game update for The Sims 4 ahead of the release of the two upcoming kits, Urban Homage and Party Essentials.

The Sims Direct Communication shared a tweet that the patch will resolve the issue with an error message that is being shown to some players. See it below.

If you have auto updates enabled in Origin’s “Application Settings”, the game will auto-update once you open Origin. If you have auto-updates disabled, you will need to manually update by clicking the game in your library.

To ensure your game is up to date, check the game version found in Documents > EA > The Sims 4 > GameVersion.txt. Your game should now read: PC: 1.106.148.1030  / Mac: 1.106.148.1230 / Console: 1.91

Sul Sul Simmers!

In just a few days, you can get your hands on a fresh fit to wear to the best party on the block. The fun doesn’t stop there; we’ve also

The Sims Team

Bug Fixes

Base Game

Plants that are alive and well will no longer emit green “stink clouds” as if they were dead. Translations related to this fix will be available in the next release!

After enforcing regulations with the Landgraab Power Company, power on a Sim’s lot will no longer be unexpectedly shut off when bills are paid in full.

What an identity crisis! Simmers playing in any language besides English will no longer see the First and Last Name panel blank in CAS for Sims that have selected pronouns.

Um, wasn’t this supposed to be a group activity? When doing Group Cooking, all Sims will now participate.

Gallery Server

We have been continually reviewing your Gallery profanity reports, which can be submitted through the The Sims 4 Gallery Profanity Filter Feedback survey, and we have been updating the ruleset to allow Simmer freedom while keeping others safe. A couple of highlights include:

Reducing the strictness of how hashtags were handled when listed in specific orders

Maxis-created Sims, even from past Sims games, should no longer be prevented from uploading if you choose to recreate one or more

Eco Lifestyle

We fixed an issue where The Dew Collector was not collecting any water. Now, it will correctly collect water, and the water level will continue to rise.

High School Years

Timestamps are now updated properly on the Social Bunny App. Phew, talk about FOMO!

Horse Ranch

While admirable, Sims will no longer express a desire to level up their Nectar Making skill, when that skill is already maxed out.

Yipee, Horse Riding now helps Sims lose weight!

For Rent

In this economy?! The maximum available rent value will no longer lower after evicting a tenant during a grace period in 11C Sungai Point.

Yikes. Now, this is going to require an audit! Landlords who own a Residential Rental Lot and own a business will no longer have fund transfer issues. Transfers from the business to the household will no longer fail, and money will no longer duplicate household funds when transferring to a business.

Crystal Creations

The shawl sweater from Crystal Creations is now visible when selecting a “Fashion Choice” in CAS filters. Please be advised that wearing this shawl did not grant the power of invisibility.

Realm of Magic

What a conundrum! When aliens abduct Spellcasters, they will now become pregnant and give birth to an alien baby instead of a Sim baby.

Werewolves

Tastes like kibble! After taking the ‘Wolf-B-Gone’ drink, Sims will no longer have a fury glow still showing.

Updated a series of CAS accessories that were originally showing up for werewolves, even though those accessories were not applicable to werewolves.

Grunge Revival

A texture issue with the chipped nails in Grunge Revival has been updated.

Poolside Splash

Textures on one of the tank tops have been updated to remove some texture bleeding.

Castle Estate

Hear ye, hear ye. All Castle Estate Windows have been updated to show up in the correct wall height categories.

The arrow slit window has been updated to show that it can be placed on curved walls.

The “Heraldic Crest of Yore” and the “The Eavesdropping Llama” have been updated to appear in Outdoor Wall Sculptures. Your castle has never looked better!

[glasskey]

I’m Gonna Cut Your F#cking Heart Out - The June Osborne Hit List Pt 2.

I'm back, and this time I’ll be covering my favorite June mic drops from Season 2. Apart from the faux hanging at the beginning, this season started out fairly promising with Nick starting to get his Mayday on, and hatching a half-assed escape plan. Unfortunately apart from her short holiday away from Hell at the Boston Globe with her side piece, June was juggled back and forth between Aunt Lydia and Serena's nefarious clutches. It’s enough to make a heavily pregnant Handmaid just a wee bit cranky.

I am Free

Nick having found out that he’s about to be a baby daddy, decides to help June hotfoot it to the border. In this scene June sheds her handmaid’s garb, and proceeds to burn her figurative emotional shackles. In a bloody display of grit and determination, she cuts out her ear tag with a pair of scissors and tosses it into the fire. Standing in the flickering firelight, drenched in blood, Osborne proclaims her freedom…..and she almost makes it. Almost. Fire is traditionally cleansing, it has the power to utterly destroy, and for June it signals both annihilation and rebirth.

At the end of season two Blaine attempts unsuccessfully to facilitate her escape once again. This time on a freezing, pitch black night, Nick and the resident Martha's set fire to a neighboring house, creating a diversion. Together with the sudden violent downpour, it symbolizes Nick and June’s collective grief over the loss of their family unit, and signals Nicole and June’s passage to other realms.

Back at the Waterford home, Nick lights Serena's cigarette, it is not the first time we have seen him smoking at somewhat pivotal points for his own emotional conflict and it wont be the last. Upon June's unceremonious return, Serena drives her from the family home by setting fire to the Waterford estate, severing June's bindings to both Fred and Serena, beginning with the marital bed. Serena stands in front of what can only be described as a blazing funeral pyre, entranced. She almost goes down with it. it is June who coaxes her back from the edge, fittingly in later episodes, these two will share a cigarette. The walls tremble beneath June’s hands, a giant incendiary force boiling beneath the surface waiting to explode; finally ripping through the family home leaving it a pile of smouldering ash.

In season 4 it’s not just the appearance of a fire, but a colossal explosion that finally marks her liberty. It’s no coincidence that it’s Blaine who unleashes it. Much like this explosion, each of his background manueverings, has an impact in her life that reverberates outwards. Each one bringing her closer and closer to freedom.

In Atwood's text June’s desire to stay in Gilead with Nick is a commentary on how easily freedom can be forgotten in the face of these types of relationships. But in the series Blaine presents a conundrum, he appears somewhat trapped, unhappy and regretful. He actively facilitates her escape on several occasions and is angry when she refuses to leave. Blaine sees June as a beacon of freedom and as such his salvation lies with her.

“Freedom agrees with you” observes Blaine in 4 09, but June continues to stay tagged; both Hannah and Nick remain in Gilead. Ironically they have met in the freezing snow, and time will demonstrate that despite her return to a peaceful home, her constant longing for Hannah and Blaine remains. Her freedom is just an illusion, Gilead still has her by the throat.

You Know My Fucking Name

Yes indeedy. Season 1 June Osborne was just an anonymous little handmaid, come season 3 she’s a household name and by season 5 she’s Gilead public enemy number 1. To say her PR division had been busy would be an understatement. Particularly to Aunt Lydia, Osborne has been somewhat of a thorn in her paw, she’s been acting like a bit of a “rebel handmaid commander” as Nick so eloquently put it. Defiant, unruly and just a wee bit mouthy. This scene is memorable to say the least. Aunt Lydia has come bearing gifts; it’s June’s slavery in the form of her pretty little Handmaid’s dress.

Having tasted freedom for a spell, and just a tad bit resentful of being chained up once again, June now has a nice big belly full of fuck you. When Aunt Lydia calls June by her slave name, she quietly snarls “It’s June. You know my fucking name”. She demands acknowledgement as the individual with rights Lydia knows she is, and not just some incubator for Gilead. Being preggers, June thinks that she has the upper hand, but unfortunately she’s dead wrong. The following scene is a call back to S2 Episode 1 when Aunt Lydia tried to convince June to eat all her veg by showing her the disheveled, insane, heavily pregnant handmaid, chained to a bed in the basement. Desperation just oozes out of her pores, her eyes appeal to June who relents in the face of this pathetic creature whose fate it is simply to give birth and then meet the noose. As the other handmaids are brutally tortured for their insubordination, in front of her, June chokes down every last bite.

In Episode 4, Aunt Lydia wastes no time in reminding her that if she doesn’t lose the attitude quick smart, she’ll end up just like her “defiant” friend. It’s no mistake that Aunt Lydia has chained June to the bed and the comforter looks eerily similar, all it takes is a surgically worded threat from her and technicolor visions of her predecessor flash through June’s head. Sure enough June obediently dons her Handmaids garb once again, and is trotted back off into the Waterford’s clutches. Well played Aunt Lydia.

I Can't Lose You

Someone is definitely in love. Like up to her neck in it. She’s just returned from the Boston Globe where her and Nick have had almost 3 months to bond during the first trimester of their baby. If these two are not in love by now, they never will be. Nick, so blinded by it, makes the ill informed decision to step up to Serena, who is sharp enough to recognize his reckless abandon for exactly what it is, and “rewards” him with a sparkling new child bride. Young Eden, having been heavily indoctrinated to dutifully carry out Gilead law, then proceeds to press him to help her conceive a child. The idea of having sex with a 15 year old is abhorrent to Nick. He successfully dodges her for a while, but then she starts using phrases like “gender traitor”, something which could easily get him killed. Nick and June can’t escape it, he’s going to have to consummate the relationship and he’s appalled. June’s quick to point out that shit like this is her everyday existence, if he doesn’t do it she’ll lose him and that’s something that she just can’t do. When June blurts this out, it isn’t quite her saying I love you but it’s definitely the first sign of it, and Blaine immediately clocks it for what it is.

As she walks out the door he states in a very definitive tone, that he loves her, firmly declaring his position in their relationship and reassuring her that despite current circumstances, he’s not going anywhere. It’s a stunning admission from the usually stoic Blaine who would otherwise need the jaws-of-life to articulate such emotion. It marks the opening of the veritable flood gates; from here on in he’s an absolute font of such sentiments. Fuck it. It’s Gilead, he could die tomorrow.

Since the Boston Globe their relationship had taken on a whole new tenor. Instead of the silent uncommunicative Blaine who refused to engage with her, despite her pleas of “talk to me”, we now had a Nick who couldn’t contain himself, proclaiming such sentiments as “I think about us all the time.” Now it was actually June trying vainly to keep him at arms-length, but it was already way too late. While she may have coldly declared that Eden is his wife in response to his sudden declaration of love; behind closed doors she’s in pieces.

The Natural Way

Technically, Serena’s line but I’m going to give this one to June as it’s about her trauma and pain so she should own this moment. Serena is livid at June’s false labor, she humiliated her in front of her resident knitting circle and then gloated about it in front of a bunch of quietly snickering handmaids, Serena’s decided it’s fucking on. Conveniently ever since she got back from her “kidnapping”, Fred’s just been itching to get his hands all over June. As a result Serena convinces Fred to “help the baby come out the “natural way”.

June has managed to keep Fred at arm’s length since she was recaptured and this is just the permission he needs to take what he wants. There’s a moment in this scene where Serena speaks to June gently, coaxing her down onto the bed and then grabs her in a vice like grip to hold her down. This is Serena in a nutshell; a sweet luring word followed by a brutal trap. At first this starts as a joint endeavor between Fred and Serena with them hypnotically chanting out the usual rant about Rachel and Bilah, but it quickly deteriorates as Fred dissolves into a vicious frenzy and Serena realizes that Fred’s not interested in anything but the actual act of violently raping June. June has retreated into a state of utter shock, she stares silently at the ceiling, her spirit recoiling to some dark corner that neither sees nor hears. She can’t even scream. In this moment June seems so vacant she appears almost lifeless, a mere body being torn apart by two monsters. Serena’s stunned by Fred’s frantic desire to possess and consume June, his evident rage at being previously denied. She can barely look at him by the end, ironic given Serena was originally using Fred to actualize her fury. There are moments throughout THT where Serena, confronted by the consequences of her endeavors, is sickened and visibly flinches. This is one of them.

This is the moment that may have damned Serena forever, I personally cannot forgive her for it and I’m not sure that any inner journey will ever be suffice to earn her a survivable character redemption. In Atwood's text Serena was aged and crippled, but in the series Serena is young and beautiful, as such she challenges our ideals and illusions of beauty as a sign of a nurturing or maternal spirit. She’s cold, toxic and despite June’s continued best efforts, absolutely unreachable. Serena's violence is more coercive control than the obvious physical force that Fred wields, but make no mistake, she is no second string. Serena has a truly devastating power, matched only by her cunning, and here in Gilead Serena is a snake who uses Fred as her fangs.

I’ll be back with another hit lit very shortly. In the meantime I’d love to hear what your favourite June line was from S2, in the comments.

[actualbird]

the real Mariluke Struggle: marius wants to stay over at Luke’s place all the time bc no pax, no crazy sad family stuff etc but luke’s bed is uncomfy!!! meanwhile luke wants to be at the von hagen crib bc wow marius has a 10/10 cloud heaven bed. solution is to obviously get luke a new bed but can you imagine trying to get that up three floors?? absolute hell.

this entire ask is so good and so FUNNY. it's problem after problem. i love that luke's bed is uncomfy, it probably is WELL past its due date and there are bits where the spring is starting to come out and thats making annoying lumps on the bed but luke doesnt replace it on the grounds that "it still works" which is like, yknow, his standards are below sea level. in spite of that, marius totally likes luke's place because of all those reasons, also because of luke, and because it's closer to pax than the estate which makes it easy to drop by, and because it's genuinely nice and cozy place.

meanwhile luke loves marius' bed and marius' bedroom (theres so much space???? the tv is so big??? the bathroom is like a 5 star hotel bathroom????) but he still gets intimidated by how Fancy(TM) the von hagen estate is and also theyve probably been caught making out like several times by vincent and one horrific time by AUSTIN so like, there are definitely perks to luke's setup where the only living being who cohabits in his space is peanut, a literal bird.

marius can buy luke an absolutely resplendent new mattress. it's so good it makes luke realize he's had back pain he didnt even know about until he test laid down on the bed at the luxury bed department store (??? idk how rich people beds work or where they come from, do they hatch from eggs?) because suddenly that back pain is Gone. it's a fantastic bed. marius cant wait to nap in it with luke and also fuck him silly on it. but like, yeah, it needs to go up Three Floors.

i assume marius probably hired movers from the luxury bed place but then those movers are confounded when they accidentally get the mattress just lodged-in STUCK in luke's narrow stairwell headed up to his living space. like, it's really wedged in there. luke and marius try to get it un-wedged themselves and theyre successful but it takes more than an hour and also luke wondering about the geometrics of the entire situation

luke: what if i just bust a hole in my wall to get it out

marius: hello???? why is that even an option????????

luke: i dunno just putting ideas out there

like i said, standards below sea level

by the time they get the bed onto luke's palette bedframe, they both just conk out completely tired and asleep on it. and to the mattress' credit, they Do get a very restful and deep sleep while on it

now marius just has to buy luke new bedsheets because luke's old bedsheets still have some blood spatter stains from when luke came home from missions too tired to clean himself up. but thats a conundrum for another day

[wri0thesley]

we've had dottore kidnapping dilucs lover. now what about pantalone vs. ayato. tbh i dont know what extremes would the regrator go,, but im pretty sure alot of money would be involved. lots of political meetings with threats disguised with polite words. the fatuus is so entitled as to expect he could just buy darling from ayato, he just needs to name his price. After all, such beauty is worth every penny right? And yes we know ayato is very fucked up too but him and his loyalty and obedience kink. He could not possibly part with such a dedicated darling subject. i may be thinking w my puspus today but nat lsjdkdk i just wanna be stuck between the two men who would coddle me to death what can i say

oh . . . whilst we do know that him and yelan have had Something Going On in the past, such a public disagreement with a face of inazuma like the yashiro commission would present an extremely interesting conundrum.

oh, oh . . . and pantalone offering to buy them? asking ayato with a small smile on his perfectly polite face about what mora, what jewels, what . . . imports . . . might persuade him to part with such a lovely treasure, when said lovely treasure is probably perched on his lap or by his side? pantalone is no man to undress someone pretty with his eyes (he's far more refined than that, thank you very much) - but there's a slowness to the kiss on their hand, the murmurs of how lovely they look, a simmering kind of heat beneath the surface that tells both ayato and darling exactly how he feels about them.

oof. suddenly things get difficult for any snezhnayan imports in inazuma (and for an island nation, this is of course harder; it's far harder to smuggle things in for the snezhnayan locals who live there or for the rich people who have grown used to having snezhnayan fishes or weapons at their disposal). letters are written, all poisoned darts covered in silken words. pantalone visits more and more often and ayato cannot resist showing his hand, just a little; dressing you in more revealing outfits, having you greet pantalone and take him to his room at the estate (with thoma trailing behind), dangling you like a particularly fine treat. he has no intention of letting you go - you're perfect for him. so dedicated and sweet and lovely, so loyal to everything he asks of you, so docile and obedient whether it be in the corridors of the estate or on your knees beneath his desk or even tangled up in his silken sheets--

but for pantalone - a man who clawed himself up, who has known poverty, who sometimes fears still he is playing dress-up to the real nobility he interacts with . . . oh, he won't take ayato's little games and ploys of showing you off well at all.

[militantinremission]

Reaching beyond their grasp?

Israel has made clear their intention to kill as many Palestinians as possible, before appropriating Palestinian Land, Oil, & Gas Fields. The picture above, is an Ad from a Real Estate Developer promoting Israeli 'Beachfront Houses' in Gaza (Seriously!)... Since Oct. 7th, over 20,000 Palestinians have been killed, & over 50,000 have been injured. Gaza now resembles Dresden, but Zionists insist that "From the River, to the Sea" is Anti Semitic hate speech. Israel is losing face w/ each passing day, & they're taking America & The European Union w/ them. Experts on The Region point out the economic toll that Israel is paying for their blitzkrieg on Gaza.

Scott Ritter points out how 300,000 IDF Reserves & their Support Staff are no longer contributing to the Israeli Economy, but are draining it. The Houthis have effectively created a blockade in The Red Sea that is costing Israel Billions. Hezbollah is doing Real Damage in Northern Israel, while Turkey & Iran remain X- Factors. Benjamin Netanyahu & his Cabinet seem oblivious to Current Events; their actions imply that they have a Right to continue the ongoing carnage. The Biden Administration is caught in a conundrum- they want Israel to scale back the assault, but they're obliged to show solidarity w/ The American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC). The result, has Biden Staffers expressing dissatisfaction w/ Israel's asymmetrical 'War Campaign' in Gaza; while they continue to supply Israel w/ 'Weapons of Mass Destruction'.

The Global Community is holding The U.S. responsible for 1,000lb & 2,000lb Bombs, along w/ White Phosphorus that have been used by the IDF to kill innocent Palestinian Men, Women, & Children. In effect, America is Israel's Partner In Crime. Mainstream Media focuses on the Israeli perspective of eliminating Hamas, but are they? We hear very little about IDF casualities. Last count, Israel claims 1,593 injured; but the Israeli Newspaper, Haaretz says that number is far off. Using Israeli Hospital Admissions, Haaretz discovered that the IDF averages 60 wounded per day. They also discovered that 10,584 injured were admitted to dozens of Hospitals across Israel; the 3 closest Hospitals to Gaza accounting for roughly 3,000 admissions alone- nearly double the Israeli claim.

According to Limor Luria- Deputy Director General & Head of the Ministry's Rehabilitation Department, 'nearly 60%' have severe injuries to their hands & feet; including those requiring amputations. The Associated Press says the total of IDF deaths since Oct. 7th is 153, but The Israeli Military reported 420 Soldiers killed. Luria warns of a looming Mental Health Crisis among IDF Soldiers; some IDF Units have refused to engage. Netanyahu says there are 36,000 Hamas Soldiers; I believe THAT is his threshold for a Cease Fire. He has already displaced nearly 3 times as many Palestinians as The Nakba; roughly 90% of Gaza has been displaced. Netanyahu's actions have set Records in the number of Hospitals/ Health Facilities, Mosques, Churches, & Schools destroyed in a Conflict. He's also responsible for Record Setting deaths to Medical Staff, Journalists, UN Staff & other Aid Workers. European Leaders have straddled the fence, but Leaders in the Global South have condemned Israel's 'War' as an Ethnic Cleansing; some have called it Palestinian Genocide.

Attempts to silence naysayers are not working; Israel is losing The War and The Narrative. People are learning about Zionism, & how it differs from Judaism. Groups like AIPAC have incredible influence, but The Global Masses aren't intimidated by their threats. Jewish Voices for Peace (JVP) have played a major role in demystifying the distinction between Judaism & Zionism. Their 'Not in Our Name' Campaign reverberated globally. As The Masses rose up- demanding a Cease Fire in Gaza, We saw a global pushback from an assortment of Power Brokers in Business, Media, & Government. Their efforts were fruitless, but it revealed the global reach of Zionism. What was most revealing, is the prominence of Christian Zionists. They don't just outnumber Zionists, but ALL European Jews.

These Christian Zionists are mostly Evangelicals in The Bible Belt, but they are not limited to one denomination or region. Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, & Hal Lindsey (The Late Great Planet Earth) are well-known preachers of Christian Zionism. Joe Biden (a Catholic) & Donald Trump (a Presbyterian) are also proud Zionists; this may explain Biden's reluctance to slow the flow of weapons to Israel... I was surprised to learn that Theodor Herzl was a student of Christian Zionists, & not the other way around. Men like Baron Walter Rothschild, [British Foreign Secretary] Lord Arthur James Balfour, & President Woodrow Wilson were all Zionists; that may explain why Herzl & Co. proposed the idea of a 'Jewish State' specifically to Balfour & Rothschild. While Christian Zionists go out of their way to support Israel, their reasons can be viewed as Anti- Semitic.

Christian Zionists identify w/ 'The Children of Abraham' through Spiritual Ancestry (as it relates to Acts: 34,35). They subscribe to the Theory of Dispensationalism- the brainchild of John Nelson Darby, in the late 19th Century. Darby is described as a former clergyman of the Anglican Church of Ireland, & a Bible Teacher... Dispensationalism deals w/ the Rapture, & the 2nd Coming of Christ. Followers (Dispensational Premillennials) believe 'The State' of Israel is a necessary step in this Prophecy. The (so called) Chosen People are defined as: Those who rejected Christ. According to the Prophecy, a number of these 'Ethnic Jews' (160,000?) accept Jesus/Yeshua as Christ & are Saved; The rest are sent to The Underworld w/ All of the other 'Sinners'. Both Sides use it to their advantage. Zionists ignore the Christian motivation to deal w/ Europe's 'Jewish Problem', while Christians ignore Zionist duplicity (as allowed in Bava Kamma 113a, 37b) & The Talmud's description of Jesus/ Yeshua as: 'The Son of a Whore/ Harlot' (Sanhedrin 106a,b & Shabbat 104b) & a blasphemer (Sanhedrin 107b[Sotah 47a], Gittin 57a, Shabbos 104b). Christian Scholars like Dr. Ken Matto condemn the notion of a 'Judeo Christian' narrative as oxymoronic, & they think Dispensationalist Ministers are grifters.

Orthodox Jews condemn Zionism as heresy. They don't see the need for a 'Jewish State' before the return of the Melekh Mashiak. Leaders like Rabbi Yaakov Shapiro, are the latest generation of Orthodox Jews that have been on the Front Line contesting the validity of Zionism over the last 120Yrs. Orthodox Jewish Scholars have pointed out that Theodor Herzl, David Ben Gurion, & Benjamin Netanyahu aren't practicing Jews; they're Atheists. It appears that 'Radical (Revisionist) Judaism' is a Zionist Agenda to influence World Opinion regarding Ashkenazi claims to Biblical Israel (Palestine). Their philosophy lines up w/ Nazism more than Orthodox Judaism, & their methodology is pure Colonialism... The Rothschild Family used their personal finances to lay the foundation & infrastructure of Israel. We also know that European Jews in Palestine were supported by Jewish Mobsters, like Meyer Lansky's National Crime Syndicate. They supplied Settlers w/ cash, smuggled in weapons, & possibly taught them Intelligence tactics.

Lansky was a Master at blackmail, bribery, & extortion. In addition to compromising Police Officers, Judges, Politicians, Business & Union Leaders; he 'persuaded' J. Edgar Hoover to ignore American Organized Crime for decades. The U.S. Government sought Meyer Lansky's 'Intelligence gathering' services for O.S.S. operations during WW 2... We see Lansky's tactics currently being used by Mossad. If you believe Jeffrey Epstein was a Mossad Agent (One of MANY) tasked w/ putting prominent men & women in 'compromising positions', you can understand the Pro Israel stance of World Leaders & Captains of Industry... It's almost comical to remember how crazy We all thought Skinheads were, when they declared America is a Z.O.G. (Zionist Occupied Government). In hindsight, we cannot deny the degree of Zionist influence in Entertainment, Finance, Government, & Mainstream Media. Scott Ritter points out that 400 of 418 Members Of Congress & 95- 98 Senators are 'bought & paid for' by AIPAC... Everyone else gets 'Primaried'. Rapper/ Journalist, Lowkey pointed out Rupert Murdoch's multiple connections to Israeli Intelligence Agencies (Mossad, Shin Bet, Unit 8200). His Media Outlets & Journalists regularly walk in lock step w/ Israeli Agendas... He's not alone.

It's no surprise that Mainstream Media has been less than critical of Israel's blatant War Crimes. Their Reporters & Contributors repeat Israeli talking points. Meanwhile, Sean 'Diddy' Combs & an ever expanding list of literal Bad Actors have taken precedence over the mess that Benjamin Netanyahu has made. The Zionists have a habit of using morally questionable Black Men to deflect any attention on them. Bill Cosby was a proxy for Harvey Weinstein & Les Moonves, R. Kelly was a proxy for Jeffrey Epstein & Prince Edward, Johnathan Majors was a proxy for Dana White, Ezra Miller, & Danny Masterson... Bibi's politically finished, but he's not going down alone. Joe Biden, Rishi Sunak, Olaf Scholtz, & Emmanuel Macron are All 'Damaged Goods'. Volodymor Zelenskyy is probably the only Leader on thinner ice; most Experts on Ukraine expect a 'Fall from Grace', sometime after his Term ends on May 21st, 2024. He's literally a Dead Man Walking.

American Zionists went to great lengths to support Israel, to the detriment of America's National Security. Joe Biden wants an $880B Defense Budget, but The U.S. Navy is being outmaneuvered by Houthi Rebels using 'swarms' of $2,000 drones. Scott Ritter has insinuated that Russia has copied British Underwater Drones, & passed blueprints to Iran. It's likely that Houthi Rebels will also have these designs; how many drones will it take to disable a $30B Aircraft Carrier? Sabre rattling w/ Xi Jinping & Vladimir Putin is Keyboard Gangsterism... These Days, The Military Industrial Complex is as broken as the American Economy. It looks like the Israelis are giving Dispensationalism the Taste Test- let's hope that they don't set off another World War in the process.

[apalestar]

@never-surrender Lord Szarr and the body conundrum.

The papers forged. His identity faked. His surname changed in the eyes of the law so he might assume the role of the Szarr heir. Assume Astarion did. All of Cazador's spawn were caught by surprise when the compulsions suddenly ceased. The portion of their minds their master occupied lifted like mist in the sea breeze. In this Astarion saw and seized an opportunity to reclaim parts of what had been denied him for centuries. First Godey fell in the wake of this revelation. He and his siblings turned on their sadistic tormenter with anything at their disposal.

The thralls remained their sentience. Some driven mad from years under Cazador’s charm. Those didn’t last long in a house full of six ravenous spawn. The smarter ones fled. Confused as to why they were even there in the first place. Dufey, the bootlicker, found himself beneath Astarion’s fangs. Both of them after the same end: the Szarr family documents.

Only with those could Astarion put his decades of experience of deception and the lingering vestiges of his legal expertise to good use. He studied the law books. Ensured everything checked out perfectly. Then, submitted his claim to the estate. A distant cousin of the late Lord Szarr. Mourning for the loss of his relative. He had the eyes and the pale pallor to make the connection believable. Coin pilfered from his dead master’s coffers to silence the dissenters.

Those meddlesome siblings of his had mostly scattered to the four winds. Good riddance. Astarion didn’t care what happened to them. Only Aurelia and Petras remained in the dormitories. Dal had fled leaving the most hated brother behind. No one liked Petras even in a household brimming with vitriol and anger. Astarion wouldn’t suffer him either.

Petras, the fool, charged him with dagger in hand. A refusal to see him as the owner of the property in which he currently squatted. No mild difference of opinion on whom staked claim here. An exchange of blows. It culminated in Astarion shoving a large splinter of wood through his brother’s heart. The surest way to kill a vampire spawn in absence of the sun’s light.

He loomed over Petra’s body coated in a delicate veil of his putrid blood. The rest stained the Kozakura rugs. “What a mess. At least I plan to redecorate the place. A waste of a perfectly sellable rug.” Crimson flicked off the tempered edge of his dagger. That’s when he remembered Aurelia bore witness to the spectacle. “What are you still doing here?” Attention turned now to the final, remaining sibling. “I don’t believe you’re as foolish as he was. Surely.”

[il-mostrc]

Hannibal has recently found the rooms of Melissa's (@stingslikeabee) manor to be a comforting fixation. The walls held stories; he could hear them as the sunlight vanished and the house settled. Perhaps she was unknown to the history it tells, much like the paintings she had acquired and where they were last rumored to be. His insight on the track record put to rest a few puzzling conundrums, while other information that was slowly peeled away brought forth new ones all their own.

It was cooler in the kitchen despite the preheating ovens and stovetop that held the fire below the pans. Hannibal found his surgeon-skilled hands covering the surface of the countertop, chilled, ideal for cooking. The wine glass he had carried with him the majority of the time was delicately shifted to the left of him by the stem.

"It's as if you knew my penchant for cooking," he says with a teasing slanted smile. He handles the artichoke with care, prodding the leaves with his fingertips as he tears them until he finds the tender parts. The knife slices the tip, carving around the base until he's satisfied with the shape. Thumbs spread open the center, akin to cracking a ribcage and carving the center out with a spoon.

The lemon juice in the bowl off to the side is used to soak the blossom into the liquid. He reaches for another and mirrors the process; his eyes focused on the precision of his carving and the insertion of his thumbs to gently spread it apart. "For my dinner parties, I arrange for sous chefs to help. Very little talk is made." Another blossom goes into the bowl.

"Cooking is like painting or composing a song. Just as there are only so many notes or colors, there are only so many flavors—it's how you combine them that sets you apart. I often wonder if they are too focused on their note making to speak."

Not that he formally cared. He did find it fascinating that in the years he had arranged for these chefs to aid him, they never once opened up to him. Perhaps they were afraid to get analyzed, far more than him just being the head chef in the room...a psychiatrist as well.

Lifting his head up from his work, he shifts his focus to her. "I am glad you are speaking." Another grin. "Or perhaps I should give them a bottle of your wine at first. Loosen the tongue."

It was late - the sun had set on the horizon for at least a couple of hours and none of the golden glow lingered over the countess' beautiful estate. The pair, however, had spent most of it indoors, and away from the gardens - going over all the paintings which had been rescued and brought over to America alongside Melissa's baggage for a new life, working under the most optimal circumstances for century-old art. Hannibal had more than an eye for art pieces - it was almost as if he had been academically trained to examine them. His conservators were very talented professionals, but even after they left - the good doctor had stayed. Melissa had been eager to hear his theories and opinions on some of the canvasas which had lacked a title or had been unknown entries of the collection - an activity which they engaged until food was required. Moving upstairs, to the kitchens, Melissa demonstrated to be perfectly aware of where every single utensil was kept despite being the lady of the manor. She arranged a decent spread for them, all the while generous with the quantity served. It was just the two of them - but the countess was unafraid to get to cooking, raising the sleeves of her dress up and tying hair to focus on that task while offering the psychiatrist a chance to help if he so desired. "These should be good enough for some carciofi alla romana - what do you think, Doctor?" handing Hannibal a sharp knife from the perfectly kept set, Melissa brought the artichokes closer to them, "Would you like to help by removing the hearts?"

[akallabeth-joie]

The Blue Castle, chapter 11

The dinner party continues, and it's anyone's game!

To be honest, we start off with a lot of boorish but (finally!) non-abusive behavior. Until Aunt Wellington brings up her stupid teapoon. [-1] Obviously, she needs to take better care of her possessions if they mean so much to her.

And then Cousin Gladys tries to shame Valancy for... not smiling at a her failed attempt at wit? [-1]

Aunt Mildred, please expand your horizons.

Then some blatant hypocrisy from Mrs. Frederick Stirling, who as far as I can tell, never performs "loving service" for anyone. Perfect timing on Valancy's part, following that with "to be free sneeze when you want".

More bad conundrums from Uncle James (-1), making the second time in as many pages that someone at this dinner party tried to cow Valancy by referencing her estate of single blessedness. F that.

"It is such a fatal mistake to try to be funny if you don't succeed" applies to all Stirling humor, except the unintentional bit with the dog and the Catholic church.

Not here for body-shaming anyone, but Aunt Mildred absolutely started it. [-1]

Mrs. Stirling finally called Valancy by her name! Probably just because the syllables can be drawn out better with "Valancy" than "Doss," but it's a start.

Benjamin Stirling, what on earth has Valancy done to warrant a spanking that every person here hasn't done first and worse to her? Also, she hasn't disrespected you. Yet. [-2 for this and the raspberry jam. Seriously. It's been decades. Cope.]

And thus we learn that "Old Dear" is kryptonite to Stirlings.

Ah, Barney Snaith. Weird how they're all obsessed with him. While Valancy is completely right, and right to be upset at their unfair nonsense, I'm not taking points for people attacking him, since the scoreboard's for how they hurt Valancy.

Still this gives us a nice encapsulation of how the Stirling's critical thinking (doesn't) work: judging guilt based on his name, physical appearance, and a lot of more-or-less mutually exclusive rumors.

Olive gets another -1 for trying to trip Valancy up (and using the wrong name).

Maybe Second Cousin Sarah Taylor is just an idiot, but I am absolutely judging Isabel for hating Barney over rumored cat ownership.

Aunt Wellington gets the -1 for trying to shame Valancy for saying the quiet part out loud, but I do want to point out the hypocrisy of everyone present, particularly Uncle Wellington, who brought up Barney and alluding to the salacious rumors first, and then blamed Valancy for contradicting them in plain language.

It seems unsporting when Valancy so neatly returns their volleys, but a final -1 each to Mrs. Stirling and Uncle James for attacking Valancy. Also, is this the first time Mrs. Stirling has actually mentioned her late husband on page?

Exit Valancy stage left like the legend she is.

I seriously enjoy everyone's consternation once Valancy leaves. She doesn't hear it, so I don't think it can really count one way or another, though I sort of want to give Uncle Herbert a point for making tentative defenses of her (calling her sensible and trying to suggest a medical explanation rather than blaming her). I think I will: after all, Valancy likes him, probably from doing stuff like this in the past, and his efforts here may well help her with the fallout from this episode. In that vein, Georgiana also gets a point for defending Valancy (or at least attempting to calm Benjamin's anger towards her).

Please welcome Aunt Alberta and Second Cousin Jane to the scoreboard. Many small changes to the order, as the pack spreads out. Our four-way tie in second place (both second cousins, Aunt Alberta and Uncle Herbert) just goes to show that not talking to Valancy much on page constitutes a viable strategy. Cousin Georgiana remains in first place, with a new high score of 2!

Mrs. Stirling: -37

Cousin Stickles: -11

Uncle Benjamin: -8

Aunt Wellington: -8

Uncle Wellington: -4

Olive: -4

Uncle James: -4

Byron Stirling: -2

Aunt Isabel: -2

Cousin Gladys: -2

Cousin Betty: -1

Aunt Mildred: -1

Aunt Alberta: 0

Uncle Herbert: 0

Second Cousin Sarah Taylor: 0

Second Cousin Jane: 0

Cousin Georgiana: 2

[thedalatribune]

© Paolo Dala

The Soul Of The Craft: Negatives

...from film’s first plummet in the 2000s, to its resilient return in the early 2010s, to its rediscovery by yet another new generation of shooters in the 2020s.

But in this latest renaissance - born of Covid-era lockdowns - Cohen has noticed one of the practice’s most precious components has been lost.

“They don’t pick up their negatives,” Cohen said of his customers, guessing that maybe 10 percent of them return for the rolls. Behind him, a colleague corrects him: “Five percent.” Another, laughing: “Zero percent.”

Across the world, the small cadre of commercial film lab developers describe similar conundrums: stacks of forgotten envelopes, limited storage space and warring impulses - to tidy the clutter, or preserve the creative souls of forgetful photographers. After all, it’s the strips of film, not the prints, that are legally the artist’s original work.

Put simply: Whoever has the negatives has the mechanism to reproduce the work but not the copyright to do so; the artist sans negatives has the right but not the means.

It’s a concept that has been battered in the age of digital cameras, then left for dead with the advent of iPhones. Dinosaurs of the photography game, negatives are the original images that are burned into frames when film loaded into an analog camera is exposed to light. They once were the primary deliverable when processing a roll of film.

In the digital age, most shops where people get their film developed will scan the negatives into a computer and just email the photographs to their customers.

“Negatives would’ve never been forgotten before, because people had to pick up the digital copy,” said Richard Damery, a developer who has worked at Aperture Printing in London for 15 years. “They can now have everything uploaded to them. They forget about the negatives.”

It can be hard for some to imagine (or remember) a time when a photograph involved more steps than just the instant gratification of looking down at a screen.

That’s especially true for much of Gen Z, the driving force behind the contemporary film resurgence. The industry has boomed in the years since the pandemic, and not just with upmarket brands like Leica; the classic Fujifilm disposables are back, too. For many young shooters, the anticipation and delayed payoff of film are a welcome salve to the 24/7 exposure of apps like Instagram...

Andreas Olesen, a professional photographer and co-owner of a lab in Copenhagen, said he still struggles to throw out people’s negatives even long after they’ve been abandoned. For him, they’re the soul of the craft.

“The negative is the score, and the print is the performance,” he said, paraphrasing the photographer Ansel Adams. Olesen has played with the concept in his own work; one of his projects, “Estate,” used a series of negatives his wife discovered in an antique shop to tell the story of a midcentury family holiday.

The forfeiture of negatives is far more consequential phenomenon than clerical clutter. It’s at the heart of unresolved questions about copyright and artistic ownership.

The likelihood that any passing film hobbyist will posthumously be elevated as the street shooter of a generation - well, it’s small odds. But perhaps it’s less about potential fame than creative diligence. After all, Olesen noted, there’s something timeless about negatives. In 50 years, his grandchildren may not even be able to access a hard drive or a CD with digital files.

Ali Watkins The Lost Art of the Negative

[mysteriesofloves]

Maybe it’s bc I’m high or the dair brainrot has gotten to the core, but I’m watching Christmas in Connecticut and thinking: dair au?????

liz, it is absolutely not just because you’re high, but absolutely is because of the dair brainrot because:

listen, it works so well. because projecting the image of having the perfect life is the quintessential blair waldorf conundrum! making up a fake husband and baby and home that she is the proud housewife of is such a blair waldorf scheme. and dan being brought so much comfort through blair’s writing?? it making him feel at home, even though it’s not a home he has? so much so that serena, who dan is engaged to, writes blair’s editor epperly lawrence, in the hopes that dan will get to meet blair, and spend the holidays with her family.

but of course the family doesn’t actually exist, so blair rallies up her best friend nate and her stepfather cyrus, and they take off to nate’s family’s estate in connecticut, where, with the help of the housekeeper dorota, and dorota’s baby, they make the house seem like a home with a happy family.

but then dan shows up. and he’s—sweet, and charming, and handsome. and blair likes him.

and dan likes her. he liked her writing of course, but spending time with her is a whole other thing. every minute with her he can feel himself falling more and more in love with her, and dan knows it’s wrong because—she’s married!

except! of course! she’s not married!

so when serena shows up to tell dan that she’s met someone else, and she’s so very sorry but she’s going to have to call off the engagement, cyrus steps in to right this whole mess—and tells dan the truth, while making sure blair is still able to keep her job.