#control is so fucking weird
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thoughts on control and power.. :P
on the lips-frankie cosmos // étude-shizuka mariya // the well-annie blackman // to me-leith ross // begakabegaka on tumblr // anything-dodie // untitled-shizuka mariya // nothing/sad n stuff- lizzy mcalpine // i will-mitski // unknown
#web weaving#frankie cosmos#shizuka mariya#annie blackman#sza#dodie#mitski#lizzy mcalpine#thinking and pondering#control is so fucking weird#were all victims were all perpetrators#anyways i just had a lot of excess energy to soend today#so here#some thoughts#devotion
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#yes i did also mean this in the literal sense#one of the great things about being a short bitch is incorporating it into justifications for poor decisions & dickhead behavior#“whoooaaa buddy calm down!!! you're not gonna pummel a *lil* guy are you?? that'd be sorta fucked up of you.#i've heard it's bad luck actually. to beat up someone who's under 5'5“.#i got sgs anyway ya know?? short guy syndrome.#it's where you don't have enough height for your body to contain your weirdness so it seeps out. hemorrhagic strangeness. can't control it.#doc said it's incurable. you can donate if you want. maybe treatment will get me to stfu for a little bit. ball's in your court my guy“#pacific rim#pacrim#newt geiszler#newton geiszler#newmann#(that's hermann in the corner of the shot who newt looks like he's about to gamer rage on so yes the newmann tag is valid)#hermann gottlieb#k sci#k science#meme#shitpost
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I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.
I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.
I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.
There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:
A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.
B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.
And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.
This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.
But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.
The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).
To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)
And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.
Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.
I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.
Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.
I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.
In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?
ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)
Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.
Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this
And this
Aand this
That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.
#bkdk#I will also say that while Izuku did do a bit of a fake smile and attitude for Katsuki’s breakdown last chapter#he gets a bit of an excuse for that suppression. theres a time and place to be strong for a friend. and while izuku didn’t exactly say ALL-#the right things or think the right thoughts… he still imo fits into control your heart within that moment#you can ‘be strong’ for someone who’s sad or anxious without you being out to be an ultra suppressive self hating boy man#in that moment katsuki probably would’ve needed that if izuku had said literally anything else but ‘I’m glad I had this dream while it-#lasted!’ and ‘your probably just feeling very weird right now’… DUDE I CANNOT KEEP DEFENDING YOUR ASS#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bakudeku#bkdk brainrot#bnha deku#bakugou katsuki#mha analysis#deku midoriya#last side note lmao: I’ve done like five drafts for this and if this one isn’t good enough hopefully someone better than me can remake this#or I’ll make this at a later time when more things come out#I just knew I wanted this out before the next chapter leaks#which are probably tonight lolllll#oh and I proof read like 80% of this so y’all are getting what you fucking get
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Once I was scrolling thru naruto fics and saw the tag "buisnessman!Kakashi" and all I could think about was Kakashi being a child businessman, owning all the konoha adults at doing business while wearing an oversized suit and tie. That idea is so fucking funny to me.
#obito: that kakashi! hes always showing me up by getting better deals than me >:-(#also just the idea of lil child Kakashi showing up at a business meeting and sealing the deal with an outline written in adorablly childish#handwriting. written in crayon lol#call this the naruto businessman au#every ninja is a business person and it exactly parallels canon. that is my dream#sealed inside naruto is the partial spirit of the ultimate buisnessman but its too powerful and everyones afraid#fucking hashirama's face on the wall as the company founder lmao rip madara: fuck this company ur brother embarrassed my brother so bad#at deal making that he died. im gonna tear it all down. face me hashirama! deal for deal. ill become the ultimate businessman ill control#the world and put an end to all this business!#oh got its so weird like the founders waterpark au that i also keep deep in my heart#anyway this is weird wtf am i doing. procrastinating and its like almost 11 i should keep writing or go to sleep lol#but wait: 10 years ago the spirit of a ferral businessman was unleashed upon this building. there was no stopping him. his charisma was#unmatched. his expense reports! his terrible otherworldly expense reports! he was too efficient! he fired half the staff! the spirit of#that buisnessman is sealed inside of u naruto. thats why theyre so afraid of u. and then cut to naruto in an oversized buisness suit#looking shocked. aw iruka as a daycare working. cute#anyway this is fucking dystopian lol#unrelated#naruto ramblings
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the idea this game posits that just as much as or even more so than lucanis is having a demon problem, spite is currently having a lucanis problem. is everything to me. spite voice bitch you live like this???
#'rook. talk to him >:('#<- both people in this ongoing one person family therapy session. thank god my rook is a watcher I think they might get it#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#spite#it's a good metaphor for trauma AND it's excellent da spirit lore building on a lot of things already established#and also. frequently hysterically funny. mary kirby has such a knack for Thematic Depth sneaking through#she did it with varric and storytelling and here she is again 'what like it's hard' style. god fuck EA so much#having to admit that the thing happened and was not in his control and that he's different now and can't go back is harder to deal with#than the actual ways he's different now when engaged with honestly. I mean. yeah. yeah. trauma breaks and rearranges a self#and no one goes 'great love this I'd like some more' right after that#add all the cultural fear and shame around demon possession in andrastian thedas and I would not be doing well either haha#but also. poor spite in the middle of all that being like physical reality is already so weird but I really don't want this to be happening
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anyone else soooooo fucking normal and sane
#zero escape#vlr#virtue's last reward#zero escape phi#phi vlr#I KNOW the reasoning of the first one like the rad6 and everything but it still makes me crazy. she still feels that way at one point#something something who else having the most fucked up existence ever#being a double clone who only exists because of an experiment. an accident in a way. she isnt supposed to exist#and her role in the grand scheme of things is largely out of her control. what agency does she have in any of this? to have her body be#cloned and frozen and poisoned and burned and etc etc#im normal#i promise#trevor.txt#tl;dr she makes me insane#girl who is so normal#the point of this is like. highlighting how weird her existence is if it wasnt clear#what she is is not a normal human being. she is a paradox and an experiment and an accident. its iust. a Tad crazy to me#phiposting
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hey folks who interact with creative works online! just a tiny PSA
If you don't like a character, that's totally fine! If you have a different reading of a situation in a show & have issues with stuff that's going on, that's also fine.
What is NOT fine is to ACTIVELY SEEK OUT fans of the characters you don't like and talk shit about them, the characters they have feelings about, or the content they've posted b/c you, Freddy McHatesalot really needs to tell everyone how much you dislike a...fictional character.
You are totally welcome to consume content in your own space in whatever way you see fit. It is disrespectful of the fandom space to try to drag other people into your space and interact with you if they don't want to. And dunking on a character in writings or art of them is fucking rude as hell to the person who put work into into the creation they made out of some feelings they were having.
Also. side note, it is possible to enjoy a character who is Wrong About Some Things or Isn't Doing The Right Stuff In The Right Situation. Sometimes it's possible to like a character and disagree with them, and shitting on people b/c you can't see what they see in a character is pretty trash garbage and is 90% of why I just make silly little art for me and my own silly feels and hope folks get a chuckle or some enjoyment out of it too.
#Behave better#and if you can't behave yourself I'm not going to play into your little hate roleplay#you can do that elsewhere while I enjoy the nuance in my media thankss#don't pull me or my work into your weird vendetta against fictional characters#I draw art for me and for anyone who is feeling like I am#to jump in and be like “this person is the shittiest & I hate them” on that creation is ummmmm#why I don't interact with fandom like I used to#b/c if people can't control themselves it spoils the whole pot#I don't like some characters and stories and ships#does anyone here who isn't a close friend of me irl even know what they are?#no b/c I don't find that worthwhile to spend my time doing#I don't fill my page with hate for fictional characters. I post what I enjoy and share it to put more joy out there in the world#sorry this is so long#I'm just fucking pissed b/c I thought we were past this bad behavior#and I'm too old too tired too busy and too stressed to have to put up with this shit. Grow up.
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au for the ask game: omegaverse where omega dick grooms ealry-presented alpha tim in "prodigal son"
dick is going through one of the worst periods of his life after breaking up his wedding with kory (maybe she, like a tamaran, couldn't understand the secondary gender of humans and during the breakup said something bad about dick as an omega) and then tim appears with stars in his eyes and believes that dick is the best human being on earth.
bonus points if the society has progressed enough and mating with children is strictly prohibited, even if they present early.
for the ask game!
gdfdsfdgbf anon i'm kissing you on the mouth. this is my favorite flavor of Omegaverse, especially for DickTim. i'm a proud believer in the dominant omega!Dick/submissive alpha!Tim propaganda. also a big fan of how terrible Dick's life is during Batman: Prodigal. and i just. man i love the Omegaverse concepts of alien characters like Kory not understanding secondary gender and it causing rifts.
what's fun about the Prodigal era is just how isolated Tim and Dick are during it. Bruce is off.. being fucking Bruce, and Alfred is also away, so it's really just Dick and Tim for a bit. they've always worked with each other and have a repertoire, but a lot of the conversations they have about each other's pasts are happening for the first time. so it's such a fun time for Tim to present as an alpha. and of course, his hero worship for Dick (especially after having to deal with Jean-Paul) makes it so *easily* for Dick to just. slip his fingers into. Dick's isolated from the Titans, he's lost Kory, he's on the rocks with Bruce, and so there's just something so nice about this kid who still holds utter faith in him. he doesn't see any of the societal stereotypes about omegas in Dick, he just sees Dick. and then, he presents and he trusts *Dick* with that information, lets Dick guide him through the most awkward parts of presenting. how can Dick not want to take advantage of that? a young, fresh alpha who he's currently in charge of mentoring, with no one to stop Dick or notice what he's doing.
it's still tricky, of course. Dick not only has to make sure he's not breaking the law, but he also has to keep Tim from noticing, immediately. Tim's hero worship crush is the most obvious thing about him, but that doesn't mean Dick can jump on him. it needs careful time and planning. Bruce might not be around, but Tim still has his dad who could notice the scent of an omega on Tim. so instead of marking Tim, Dick starts marking himself with Tim's scent. it starts small, using the same blanket Tim has used in the Batcave, grabbing a couple of Tim's oversized hoodies and wearing them. things with plausible enough deniability, but enough that Tim starts to subconsciously associate his scent with Dick. when he can't smell himself on Dick he feels like something is wrong. and when he's finally brave enough to bring it up to Dick, Dick is able to spin it on Tim. make it seem like Tim is the one coming onto Dick, assuming things. Dick plays it cool, pretending to be shocked by the idea of it. he gently explains to Tim what he could be implying about their relationship and Tim is *mortified*, apologizing and tripping over himself to try and fix it. but Dick just calms him down, promises Tim he isn't mad bc hey, Tim is a fresh alpha and he presented so *young*, it's difficult to navigate.
so you have Dick offering to help navigate this with Tim and using it to get closer and closer to Tim. grooming him into the type of alpha that Dick wants in a relationship. anytime there's behavior in Tim that Dick doesn't like, Dick can pretty easily redirect by dropping comments about how Tim just "can't help" acting like this because of his alpha nature, which instantly makes Tim scramble to fix it. Dick likes Tim for who he is, this cute, sweet kid who's such a handsome little alpha. but he's rough around the edges and Dick puts it on himself to smooth those edges over. he's playing the long game with this, and he doesn't mind waiting it out. and Tim can't complain when Dick pushes the boundaries, making him uncomfortable, because he doesn't want Dick to think he's a *pervert* for thinking that way. it's one big mind game.
i do think, Dick would cave and sleep with Tim before Tim's an adult. he's smart enough not to mate Tim, and he's definitely smart enough not to sleep with Tim enough for Bruce, a beta, to notice what's going on. but when some sort of sex pollen incident triggers a simultaneous heat and rut for Dick and Tim respectively, it's the most convenient in that Dick needs. Dick acts like they're doing this out of necessity, that he's giving in even though he doesn't want to, just because of how Tim's acting under the aphrodisiac. it gives him complete control over the sex because Tim is so desperate to not give in to his "alpha ways" and hurt Dick by being violent or animalistic. Dick gets to pin Tim down, possibly even tie him down "for his own safety" and ride him until Tim is a crying mess under Dick. after the first time, if Dick orchestrates more scenarios where they end up in "fuck or die" situations well, it's not like anyone's noticing. at the height, he even manages to have sex with Tim without that sort of pretense, he just has to act like he can tell how needy Tim is and sigh, pretending he's the one doing Tim a favor "just this once" by letting Tim fuck him.
in the end, it's a long con that pays off. it takes until Battle for the Cowl but Tim's a legal adult. and Dick is Batman again, which really does feel like everything coming full circle. part of the reason Dick makes Damian Robin is to remove the pretense of Tim and Dick being sidekick and mentor. it makes it easier for Dick to insist he really does see Tim as a full adult (even if he doesn't, deep down. Tim is still a fresh teenager, just because it's legal doesn't make it any less morally questionable) and something more than Robin. Dick makes a comment about them being mates so offhandedly it makes Tim stop in his tracks. Tim, who's about to go on his Red Robin arc and isolate himself, now has a chance at being mates with his hero. a chance to smooth over their differences and be actual equal partners. of course, Tim jumps on it. maybe deep down, after they mate and Dick is all too pleased with himself, it clicks for Tim that this was all a set-up. he puts the pieces together while they're cuddling in bed. he knows deep down that Dick will never *actually* see him as an equal. but, the deed is done and if Tim is going to give himself over to anyone, of course it's going to be Dick Grayson.
#necrotic festerings#dicktim#timdick#tim drake x dick grayson#batcest#omegaverse#dead dove do not eat#nsft#i hope i assumed correctly that you meant batman: prodigal with prodigal son#i'm assuming so given that whole arc is post the kory breakup and all that mess dick is dealing with#dick's discowing era was ROUGH.#also the like final issues of prodigal are so fucking funny.#dick and bruce: having a really heartfelt discussion about their relationship and their history#meanwhile. tim: getting fucking DRAGGED across the city trying not to fucking DIE to a deadly villain while the gcpd watches and. panics#anyway morally grey dick my beloved.#like he loves tim the whole time. it's all driven by love for tim. but well dick was taught by bruce.#and bruce's love is controlling so. monkey see monkey do.#esp after so many of his relationships are nuked and tim is his consistent family. like that's gonna make them so fucking weird.#absolutely unhealthy about each other while also being convinced they're the healthiest relationship in the batfam.#like that's it. that's the ship lads.#constantly thinking they know what's best for each other. it's great. they have no concept how toxic they are.#i rlly loved this one anon tysm i'm mailing you our marriage certificate as we speak.
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I personally think that Kikyo would absolutely be thrilled that Illumi found himself a man he wants to marry as strong, handsome and fit to be Zoldyck as Hisoka.
Hisoka is strong enough to be considered an equal to a zoldyck, which means strength is no problem for him. And I don't know about you but the way he assassinated that terradin man that was threatening to reveal illumis identity at the end of the election arc? CHEFS. KISS. THATS A WHOLE ZOLDYCK WIFE RIGHT THERE. And Hisoka is a certain type of fucked up enough to be a Zoldyck, even if he is... mmm.. self aware. Even if he himself thinks zoldycks are a special kind of fucked up. He'd fit.
I always see people make silva and kikyo disagree with illumi marrying hisoka but i soooo heavily disagree. Like what is there NOT to be proud of in Illumi's marriage choice. There is not a single other character IN THE ENTIRE ANIME fit to be Zoldyck than Hisoka Morow and I will fight people on that.
Something a lot of people also don't realize is that the Zoldycks are not a family that discriminates in the slightest (this is a whole discussion on its own but examples are how Kikyo is from meteor city, the butlers are taken from anywhere as long as they have the skill to work and one of the people who attacked kukuroo mountain to hunt the zoldycks now works for them instead. The zoldycks didnt hesitate to hire that mf they fr dont gaf lmfao)
there are soooooooo many misconceptions about the zoldycks in general and i think thats what aids the whole "the zoldycks would HATE hisoka" thing but like. nah. they wouldnt.
I also think about how Kikyo found Silva at such a young age. I bet she was constantly nagging Illumi and asking when he'd get a partner himself. Now he's got it, Millukiiii ITS YOOOURRR TURRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
#some people would say “oh theyll hate him when they meet him!” but why though.#“the way he dresses!” ?? so what. have u seen the way the zoldycks dress lmfao. their son is literally twinning with that magician#“he'll make it weird” Ya Allah no he fucking wont 💀 people base this off a very fanon characterization of hisoka.#Like no he wont moan out of nowhere because theyre a powerful family he already knows that buddy.#hes kept it in multiple times before in a muted reaction please stop making it seem like hes a man with no self control i beg lmfao#Surprise surprise Hisoka acts weird on purpose when he puts on a show because thats how he wants to be percieved#but hes very self aware and knows whats considered weird and disrepectful and certainly wont fuck it all up for him and illumi for 0 reason#me when i finally get to marry the love of my life and i fuck it up because i decide itd be quirky and the fans want me to#hisoka is a much more calmer and quiet person when hes not purposely being weird and thats what people dont want to accept#anyways rant over#whewwww thats a rant and a half lmfao#I wish hisoka as a character was given more analysis and study than the 3 scenes that make him popular#anyways. rant TRULY over. here are the normal tags#hisoillu#hisoka x illumi#illumi#illumi zoldyck#hisoka#hisoka morow#hisoka zoldyck#hunter x hunter#hxh#my post#i feel like if i mentioned how hisoka has adhd on here id get thrown pitchforks at.#let alone the fact that hes very asexual coded#i dont really feel safe on this website at all to discuss any of this yet lmao#people literally laugh when you say hes shy when its literally??? a canon fact stated by hisoka himself?? and backed up by many scenes????#but i dont think i ever will feel safe here tbh. i just have to. do it. and fuck it whatever happens or whoever laughs at me.#just like ive done on twitter for years until ive finally created a complete safe space for myself#secret rant at the end because maybe nobody will look here
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Jasico Bingo Challenge: Boyfriend Sweater
When Nico walks into the dining pavilion wearing a golden yellow sweater, Percy does a double-take. Actually, it’s a triple-take: first, he thought it was a new Apollo kid, then he realized it was Nico, then he realized it was Nico. Wearing a color.
Is the world ending again? Was there something really wrong with the milk in his cereal? What in the everloving Hades was going on?!
Nico sits down at table 13, unbothered as ever, and pulls the sleeves of the hoodie up. It’s way too big on him, like Big Bird shed and some poor fucker decided Nico di Angelo needed the empty muppet skin in his wardrobe.
(Is it Nico? Maybe some changeling creature kidnapped their resident son of Hades and has decided to take his place? Maybe Percy needs to go over there and test him out, y’know, knick him with some iron or something to see if he burns. If it’s an imposter, though, they’re doing a piss-poor job. Is it an intentionally bad job? Gods, it’s barely eight AM on a Tuesday, does he seriously have to go save Nico from somewhere and kill a monster wearing his face? That does not sound like his ideal Tuesday, if he’s really real. He’ll totally do it, but he won’t like it, and maybe he should start planning how to take out a creature like-)
“I can see the mountain you’re building,” Annabeth says, popping Percy’s strangely detailed daydream of hunting down and killing a weird, half-Nico, half-demon gremlin creature. He blinks the image out of his eyes and looks up at her, her hip resting against the edge of his table.
She looks amused. He squints. “Nico’s been bodysnatched.”
“Mm, no,” she says easily, with a shake of her head. “Nico’s wearing a jacket.”
“A yellow jacket.” Percy looks at the son of Hades again. He just- can’t wrap his head around it. He hasn’t seen Nico willingly wear a color since the guy was ten years old. “A yellow jacket that’s, like, twice his size.”
“It’s a molehill, seaweed brain. A jacket’s just a jacket.”
“But it’s yellow.”
“What was your nightmare about?”
Percy physically recoils at the non sequitur, tilting back in his seat incredulously. His- what? His nightmare? What does his nightmare have to do with a jacket, anyway, that’s got nothing to do with this.
He folds his arms on the table and makes a face. “That’s unrelated.”
Annabeth’s mouth raise at the corners, her eyes watching him like an all-knowing hawk. An owl, three-sixty vision and nothing but questions, who, who?
She pets through his hair and pushes her weight back up. As she draws her hand back, she taps his cheek, then his chin, and says, “just leave him alone, then.”
Percy watches her walk back to her table. When she sits, he buries his face in his arms and groans.
“Jason has also been bodysnatched,” Percy hisses to Annabeth during pottery class.
“What makes you say that.” She throws her lump of clay at the pedestal in front of her and gives Percy the same look she gave him this morning.
Percy decides to ignore that look, because that is the look of reason and he is far beyond that now. “He was wearing this black jacket with, like, skulls in hourglasses and weird skeleton butterflies and shit during Latin.”
“He is related to Thalia, you know,” Annabeth hums. She wets her hands as the plate before her starts to spin. “Maybe he’s going through the family goth phase.”
Had she not just leaned in to start forming something magical and incredible out of clay, Percy would slouch over Annabeth’s shoulders and plead with her to at least consider that something weird is going on. Maybe it’s not bodysnatchers or changelings, okay, but something is strange! Jason Grace does not just decide to wear emo shit! Jason Grace once had a panic attack because the Aphrodite Cabin stole a pair of his jeans and cut them into shorts! This is a man who has a stricter sense of style than Nico, who, fucking hell, don’t even get Percy started on that. The yellow jacket has remained on all day and it’s haunting him.
Annabeth dips her thumbs into the top of her clay and does not respond.
Percy slumps down into the stool beside hers and huffs, more for himself than anything.
Change is okay. Change is fine. But change like this, with no reason, is the opposite of fine. Change like this is a low-blow stink bomb in an otherwise perfect Capture the Flag game, impossible to get out of his clothes and his skin and his hair. Change like this is how people die.
He claws his hands up into his hair and listens to the steady whir of the pottery wheel, the sound of wet clay being molded and shaped in different ways. There’s a lull of conversation from other campers in the class, kids from all different cabins, because to them this is any other day.
Maybe this should be any other day to him, too. No, not maybe. It should be. This should be a regular Tuesday, full of regular classes with his regular friends who are ordinary in whatever ways they can be, but instead, Percy’s brain has to go and mix up everything, make everything feel- out of control.
HIs next exhale shakes too hard for his liking. His shoulders are too tense.
Beside him, Annabeth keeps calmly shaping her pot. She dips her hands into the water every so often, probably executing some flawless plan of action she drafted the night before. She’s not always delicate with her hands, with art like this - Percy knows that’s something she’s self conscious about. She never thinks she can be good at finer things.
That’s normal. That’s normal for her. Ordinary, to think that Annabeth Chase would tackle arts and crafts in the same way she would a war strategy, devising the perfect approach for a flawless result. Executing it flawlessly.
She pinches too hard pulling up the walls of the pot. It crumples, then swings off the wheel entirely with the force of it’s motion, splattering wetly across Percy’s arms and the other campers at the bench.
Percy watches Annabeth glare at her failed creation. She sticks her hands in the dirty water to scrub the clay off, wipes her hands off on her shirt, and pulls on Percy’s sleeve.
“I hate pottery,” she mutters as they rise together.
Percy grins. “I think it knows that,” he teases, and follows as she stomps toward the exit.
When the answer slaps Percy in the face, it feels more like a gut punch in the way it makes him breathless and off-balance.
“You’re…huh?”
Annabeth clicks her tongue. “You two couldn’t think of a better way to do this?” she gestures between Nico and Jason, standing awkwardly side by side as if they don’t know what to do with themselves.
They’re still wearing the wrong jackets. Each other’s jackets.
Percy makes a face, then realizes that might not be the best response to his two friends telling him their dating, so he tries to make a different face.
The world’s not ending. They’re just…together. Sharing jackets, like couples do.
“We didn’t want to make it a big deal,” Jason says. He keeps glancing at Nico and chewing on the inside of his lip. Nico, with the golden sleeves of apparently-Jason’s-jacket pulled over his hands once more, looks stubborn. Like he’s ready to fight about something.
Percy wipes his sweaty hands off on his shirt and gestures, though he’s not sure at what. “But Nico’s wearing a color?”
He feels more than sees Annabeth’s disapproving glare at the side of his head. Jason draws himself up, then seems to falter. His head cocks to the side and he shakes his head.
“What?”
“That’s a big deal,” Percy reiterates. “Nico doesn’t wear colors.”
“Nico is standing right here, wearing a color,” Nico grumbles. He shoves his hands into the pocket of the sweatshirt and gives Percy a glare that is far more familiar than literally anything else happening right now. “I’m allowed to wear whatever I want to wear, for the record.”
“But you don’t!”
“Well I do now. If you have a fucking problem with it-”
“I never said I had a problem with it,” Percy snaps back, immediately on the defensive. “I was fucking worried about you, you little shit, I thought something was wrong. I thought- I don’t know what I thought! I thought you two were swapped with some other versions of yourself, I thought you’d been- I don’t know- abducted by aliens, or fairies, or something!” He throws his hands up in the air, then drops them back onto his head, staring sort of at the middle point between the two of them. “You can’t do that shit and not expect- I mean, because, come on, guys, you’re you, you two fucking freak out if someone so much as touches your clothes. What were we supposed to think?”
The hearth crackles. It’s too pleasant a sound for the sick Percy feels.
Annabeth takes his hand, at least, and squeezes. His face burns with the shame of yelling like this, over this, it just feels so fucking stupid all of a sudden. He feels so stupid. Annabeth tried to tell him it was nothing, and he let it all get away with him, he let that nasty part of his brain win and win and win, and now he’s taking his losses out on them.
“I’m happy for you two,” he makes himself say, when no one else speaks. “I think I just also need therapy.”
Finally, Annabeth snorts. It’s a noise Percy knows, one he can ground himself with, same as her palm hot in his, her weight tilting into his side as her head bonks into his chin.
The stress he’d held bundled up in his spine and his shoulders and his stomach all day releases in an instant. He slouches back in against her and laughs against the top of her head.
“Jesus Christ,” Nico mutters, when Percy can’t stop himself, dissolving into a fit of hysterics over his own bullshit. “This is why I said we should just tell them. He’s laughing at us.”
“I think he’s laughing at himself,” Jason says. He sounds uncertain.
Percy hugs Annabeth tight, and laughs himself hoarse.
EXTRA
Nico stares at himself in Jason’s mirror, with the sweater hanging halfway down his thighs, sleeves hanging off his hands, the peak of his collarbone through the freaking collar. He narrows his gaze into a glare.
“I look like a toddler,” he says derisively.
Jason, still getting dressed himself, laughs. When he appears in the mirror behind Nico, looking far more proportional in Nico’s sweatshirt (which is frankly fucking unfair), his grin softens into a smile that’s- something. Sweet.
Nico twitches his nose.
“I look like I’m six years old,” he says, grabbing the hem of the sweatshirt and yanking down. “Why are we doing this.”
“‘Cause it’s silly,” Jason says. He presses a kiss against the side of Nico’s head and hugs him loosely from behind. “You don’t look like a baby, either. You just look your age.”
Nico looks down at himself. Maybe there’s a point there, a point to be made about how he dresses for practicality, dresses to blend in, but never to express himself. Maybe there’s a point to be made about how his discomfort isn’t really for how he feels about this, but how he thinks others will feel about it.
He tugs at the hem again, and looks back up. Jason’s eyes in the mirror are bright, as if taking in the sight of Nico in his hoodie like this is something to savor.
Nico likes when Jason looks at him like that. He likes how it feels to be looked at like he’s attractive. He likes how it feels to be wanted.
“I guess,” Nico concedes, leaning further back into Jason’s chest. Immediately, Jason’s stance is more solid, sturdy, holding them both up as easy as breathing. He holds Nico like it’s a promise that he’ll never let go.
He looks at the pair of them in the mirror, a cohesive unit rather than two separate halves. Jason in black is definitely something Nico wants to see more of, especially with the way Nico’s clothes fit snug over him, just a little tight at the biceps and chest. He looks good, not that he doesn’t look good otherwise. Different.
With Nico his contrast in yellow…maybe it isn’t so bad. Maybe he likes being the counterbalance, even.
Jason squeezes him again. Those damn eyes in the mirror are making Nico too warm, like his stomach is full of hot jell-o.
“Okay, fine, let’s do this,” he huffs. The difference in his tone must be audible, though, because Jason perks up and grins, his eyebrows up, face aglow. Nico can’t look at him for too long. It’s still strange knowing he can make someone feel like that. He doesn’t know what to do when Jason turns the full puppy-love thing on. “And stop looking at me like that, you’re going to give me cavities.”
“Okay,” Jason says in a voice identical to his expression.
Nico grabs his hand and squeezes it twice.
Jason squeezes back, so tight it aches. Nico’s heart swells with bright affection.
Alright. Maybe yellow isn’t so bad, actually.
#jasicobingochallenge2024#boyfriend sweater#fanfiction#okay so this is mostly actually about Percy and Annabeth BUT BUT BUT. it's the Jasico that matters.#Jasico is the heart of it the crux of it.#so it still counts#I think Percy has a lot of trouble dealing with things that he doesn't perceive as normal from his friends#I think the switch really fucked with him in that regard#He feels like if all of a sudden the people he knows aren't doing the things he knows them to do then maybe he's losing his memory again#maybe something fucked up has happened and he hasn't realized it yet#maybe nico wearing yellow signifies he's grieving because the last time Nico's style drastically changed overnight was when his sister died#i think percy is also WAY too attuned to Nico in general when it comes to his own mental health#I think he immediately jumps the gun on ANYTHING NIco is involved with (hence him immediately arguing when Nico assumes wrong)#I think he and Nico have a fucked up weird friendship where they both hate that they need to know each other the way they do#idk. Annabeth and Jason are holding Percy and Nico's leashes while letting them meet in the most controlled of dog parks#Percy bites first but Nico bites harder kinda deal#ANYWAY#pjo#jason grace#nico di angelo#percy jackson#annabeth chase#jasico#percabeth#hoo
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It's so fucking isolating to hyperfixate for longer than most people do because it feels like after a few weeks everyone else has moved on from it and I'm just getting started. I'm planning out massive projects that will take months while the people around me are laughing and going "pfft, you still like that?" and it just makes me feel. Fucking stupid.
#andiv3r rambles#dunno how to tag this#andiv3r rambles about gravity falls#hyperfixation#hyperfixations#the hyperfixation in question is gravity falls#but this also happened with good omens‚ which i mistook as a special interest due to how long the hyperfixation lasted#has happened so many goddamn times throughout my life#like. i know it sounds weird because it sounds like i want to control what medias other people in my life are into#but y'all it makes me So fucking upset#it's like... who am i supposed to talk to about this now if all my friends aren't as into these things anymore... GAGHGHHH ☹️
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Hmmmm thinking about Agathario wenclair crossover fic happening after wednesday season 1 and canon divergence with the ending of aaa... i have many thoughs
#specially about rio passing as a botanical sciences teacher#and wednesday seeing through her bs because of course the addams would be “family” to death#billy studying on nevermore#agatha and rio being a old on crack and more scary version of wenclair who would still not be together#yoko being head over hils about the new “sucubbi” teacher because of course they would go with that#instead of explaining wtf kinda witch agatha is#agatha taking enid under her wing cause hello ostracized by her own mother for something beyond her control child#who is also conected to a blood moon and has certain questionable at best mood swings and actions now(imagine#under the guidance of someone even worse lmao)#agathario staying with the addams#they adopted billy kinda idc he's agatha's ward or something he's part of the package deal#rio annoying Wednesday about enid#agathario having way too much fun with all the murder mysteries while billy is crying in a corner#anyway wenclair being mirrored by two weird ass entities one of them bei g death herself#nevermore divided into amused beyond repair and terrified beyond compreension about wednesday and the new teacher being so alike#while having no fucking idea what the new teacher even is#like fuck it billy would be besties with enid too#maybe agatha would be for some miracle the new principal#or a history teacher being as old as she is lmao
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Villain Cass Arc bad, but I do think it's very cute that she is immediately like "I want Tim to be my partner. Surely he'll understand, he's brother shaped :)"
#look i'm grasping at straws here#i really love cass and tim's relationship so as fucking weird as this storyline is#i do appreciate that he's the one person she thought she could convince to join her#tim drake#cassandra cain#robin 1993#robin iii#batgirl ii#also this plot is driving me insane because i do think there's in interesting way to do it#but making it some bullshit about how she thought she was the only one cain ever loved#and that her being the only one he loved getting her through the day?#bullshit#cass did not hate her childhood#that's like a bit part about her#she only realized how fucked up it was after she killed someone#but like the point about Batman pulling strings and controlling them?#she is not totally wrong#so like focus more on that and maybe her becoming disillusioned with Bruce#like she still believes in Batman but she no longer things Bruce deserves the title or something#that could be a really interesting villain cass story#i read comics#(also I just finished Robin 150 so if this somehow develops into a weird crush/romantic obsession than I take this whole post back)#(I don't think it will nothing online suggests it will)#(but I do see how it could)
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↳ ꜰꜰxɪᴠ — ʀᴏᴜᴠᴀꜱᴛʀᴇ ᴅᴇ ʟᴇᴜᴠᴇᴄʜɪᴇʀ ⇄ ᴇꜱᴛᴇᴇᴍ
Today, tomorrow — forever on, from one war to the next. Have you ever wondered when our war ends? Does it even matter? Were we not meant to be nothing but weapons from the day we were born, our edges kept sharp and bloody when needed and hung up and set aside like good, obedient little soldiers when not?
(Steel Temper! Heavensbreaker! The Warrior of Light! Our Weapon of Light!)
Look in the mirror. Do you still feel him crawling up your spine, setting within your bone? Do you feel it gnawing at the edge of your soul? Feel the blood in your fingers again. Remember your purpose. Remember the grind of the bone beneath your fist. Remember. Remember. Remember. Stare into my eyes and REMEMBER.
(Even now, you continue to deny it. Well. Deny me all you want. You cannot deny what we have done.)
You feel it, don’t you? There’s no point to hiding it. I know you. Feel the furious pulse of hot blood in your head. Feel it in your teeth. Feel it in your throat. Feel it in your heart. Feel my hand on yours, cloak it in scale, and grind it deep into where it needs to be. Again, and then again. One broken shield exchanged for another. It’s never enough. It will never be enough.
(Or you could beat every single one of them to death with your bare hands. You would like that, wouldn’t you?)
But you know as well as we — that it was never the Eye.
(I knew you would.)
It was always just you.
#//flashing lights#ask to tag#FFXIV#FF14#Final Fantasy XIV#Final Fantasy 14#long post#spoilers#major spoilers#ffxivedit#Warrior of Light#WoL#oc: rouvastre#FFXIV Esteem#feels weird tagging them as Esteem when it's not the canon version but that's what they are so.#another loreset sorry but rouvy's weird fucked up Nid.hogg-adjacent DRG fray!!#the actual lore: rouvy's DRK questline takes place between SHB -> EW and thus it unfort. doesn't involve Sid.durgu#nor does their Esteem take Fray's form bc they never met!!!#Rouvy's Fray is based off the Azys Lla section in HW where Rouvy nearly fell to Nid.hogg and similar to Alb.eric saw directly into#Nid.hogg's soul and saw a mirror there. the incident really shook them and he's been denying that capacity for rage and violence exists#ever since. ShB forces Fray to the surface via a mixture of extreme loneliness (she doesn't have either of their emotional support dragons#in his head anymore) and slowly festering annoyance and frustration w/ being the WoL and how he's treated as such that was#building in the BG during StB + all her unexamined HW trauma. among other things.#as a result their Esteem takes the form of a weird fucked up DRG since they're based off the Nid.hogg incident he's been denying.#+ is also her emotional support imaginary friend to fill the spot in his braincase where there would normally be an emotional support drago#and spends most of their time trying to convince Rouvy to fuck this shit I'm out before the lightwarden thing kills them#the equivalent of Whitebrim is Fray controlling the meat suit to yell at the Scions. Mys.te's stuff happens during EW#and significantly affects his version of Ultima Thule#Esteem actually manifested on Azys Lla first but Rouvy's been Ignoring That:tm: for years until everything happens all at once#but Rouvy doesn't officially switch his tank spec to DRK until just after Dohn Mheg for reasons
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real talk rn the people acting like genyinely angry and upset over this feel a little selfish to me because like if you just watched the stream for a minute youd recognize like. All of the effort and prep put into this. rheyre doing so much work and you people are complaining about a series that ended 3 years agoz what happened to all the people saying not to be weird if its not hl2vrai. some of you guys need to realize you have a parasocial relationship w media and fictional characters and fandom shit or whatever. this should be a wake up call for yall #tbh ive actually never seen ANYTHING this ridiculous in my life. now gn
#i get that being autistic makes you more susceptible to parasocial relationships#i literally struggle w this. i get it#but like. its so so so important to recognize that behavior and rationalize your thiughts#just. take a step back and think about what ur upset about#think about why a fucking video series hold so much control over ur mental health#i promise this will help you#Pleaaase#my truth#hlvrai#also the bait and switch isnt ableist and pointing out how weird you people r being isnt ableist grow ip stop slinging around words like th
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Out of all of Wei Wuxian's traits, one of the ones that fascinates me the most is how incredibly casual and chummy he is with corpses. All the other cultivators are a bit desensitized to the dead by nature of their profession, yes, but Wei Wuxian in particular treats the dead very much the same as he treats living people, and I think it's simultaneously one of his best and most concerning attributes.
On the good side, the way Wei Wuxian treats the dead is absolutely an extension of his overall goodness and empathy. He stands on the side of those that are looked down on, and nobody faces more discrimination that the dead. He treats the dead like people because they are people, and they deserve to have their voices heard. That's what Empathy's for, and that's why he revives Wen Ning to stand as witness to his own murder. Wen Ning is not a thing! And even when Wei Wuxian is raising armies of dead Wens to fight on his behalf, we get illustrations of him giving a helping hand to a weak old corpse that can't stand on its own.
Wei Wuxian is painted in very deliberate contrast to Xue Yang, who treats the dead as tools and deprives them of agency. His closeness with them is a symbol of his kindness.
However, beyond treating the dead decently and like people, there is a point where his chumminess with them starts to get unsettling, and that's the point where it becomes a reflection of his loneliness and trauma. In particular, I'm thinking of his cuddliness with the ghosts he uses to torture Wen Chao and the corpse girls he's hanging out with when he invites Lan Zhan to drink with him. Because treating the dead with respect is a very different thing from having a corpse lay in your lap as you stroke its hair. And fierce corpses by definition do not have personalities (with Wen Ning as the exception that proves the rule), so treating them as companions to socialize with is rather concerning behavior.
So why is he like this? Isolation and trauma!
It's easy to understate the trauma of Wei Wuxian's three months in the Burial Mound, especially given that we don't see them play out but do get details about so many other horrible moments. But those three months? They Fucked Him Up. In particular, beyond the trauma of the near death experience (or presumably many many near death experiences in a row), he spent the better part of three months without seeing a single other living human. People are not meant to do that.
So what is a person gonna do when he spends three months in Worse Solitary Confinement? And when that solitude is spent on Fierce Corpse Mountain? He's gonna get really weird about corpses. He's gonna turn into the kind of man that would let a murderous ghost he's controlling lay in his lap as he strokes her hair, because for an extended period of time, that is the closest thing to human contact he's had access to.
And later, post-sunshot-campaign, Wei Wuxian does regain access to living humans and society, but he's still incredibly isolated. Just about everyone besides his siblings and Lan Zhan hates and/or is scared of him by the time we hit the scene of him and the fierce corpse girls throwing flowers, so it's no wonder he's hanging out with dead people. He already picked up the habit of replacing company with corpses once, so of course he doesn't see anything wrong with it. Maybe they're there as bodyguards, maybe he's just extremely lonely and doesn't have any human companions to drink with him, or maybe (probably) it's a mix of both. But in any case, it's a pretty clear expression of a horrifying degree of both past and present isolation.
That's why, though he doesn't lose his respect for the dead or his desensitization to touching corpses, we never see him just Hanging Out With Mindless Ghosts in his second life. It's a substitute for real companionship, not a healthy behavior, but lack of company is no longer an issue he has after being resurrected.
He doesn't need an entourage of corpse girls, because this time, when he wants company, he's always got Lan Zhan.
#see also: xy spending years with sl's fierce corpse as his only companion#his fierce corpse that he was controlling completely#respect for the dead is good#but Hanging Out With Corpses You're Controlling is pretty deeply unhealthy#and it's a good habit for wwx to have broken#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#mdzsposting#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#oh and this is why I'm so mad that the donghua cut out that creepy-ass scene of the Wen Chao torture#Wwx being a fucked up little guy with trauma that makes him Weird About Corpses is deeply important to me#and important to his character#and the donghua really nerfed his fucked up little guy levels#(and I'm guessing cql did as well. but I haven't actually watched it)#wei wuxian#wei wuxian my beloved#english major hours#long post
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