#considering they wasted her entire potential in the movie

[steverogerscanyounot]

Captain Carter concept art from The Art of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

[itslouisan]

Some of my Rick Prime headcannons!:

btw shout-out to @darkforze and @imaginary-grandpa that inspired some of my hcs!!

Bigger/major headcannons:

- I like to think Prime wasn't ALWAYS what you'd consider a bad person, while I do think a "toxic Prime" might be real, I like to think perhaps some event in his life or even timeline in general was so major and big it impacted him and his view on others as a whole, perhaps maybe HIS Diane didn't love him as much as other Diane's? Perhaps their relationship was strained and close to an end? Idk maybe it wasn't even related to Diane nor Beth but something else entirely? Anyway I just think he wouldn't be BORN "evil", cause in my opinion that'd just make it so bland and flavorless, wasting potential Prime has as a character

- He definitely ISN'T DEAD (shhh I'm not abusing copium here) cause let's be real, dying so easily and barely having that much screentime despite being SO IMPORTANT to the plot of the show? Cause yeah Prime isn't *that* important to the WORLD of Rick and Morty (even though he did invent portal travel, showed it around to other Ricks and yara yara) but to C-137 mainly, but you can't just deny he could be a big plot point, anyway, in my hc he is alive somewhere outside the curve maybe? Or in a total forgotten reality just doing his thing and ignoring everything and everyone, maybe even with a Morty just to see what the appeal was?

- In my opinion if he did interact with our Morty aka HIS grandson, he'd be SO DISAPPOINTED with how Morty is, probably thinking he is a waste of time and resources, a failure, a disgrace to his genes and blood running in him, honestly I think he'd consider if he won against EMorty and C-137 to just spare Morty and make come with him to see if he could "fix" his grandson

- I like to imagine his favorite thing to do is to dissect ANYTHING, probably for Prime the innards and insides are the most interesting part of any creature and he probably dissects and dismembers other Ricks for the sake of satisfaction since they are so "inferior to him" that the only thing they have the SLIGHT semblance is their insides and guts.

- Probably bumped with Unity once and was a TERRIBLE experience for the hive-mind, probably Prime sees a hive-mind as something trivial but also useful, something that he could break and manipulate, which hey after a troublesome meeting with Uni they're not the biggest fan of Prime and get C-137 hatred in a way

- Views his daughter's job as a waste of talent and skill, Beth clearly is smart as FUCK but to Prime her choice of career would only prove to him how much of a "waste" of sperm she truly was, he disconnected himself from his family and original reality he probably wouldn't even CARE that his Beth died, I mean, he probably thought that he could just replace her, if he even cared enough to think that, though a part of me also hcs he did feel something considering that's his real daughter and in a way, a small link he still had to that dimension

Small/silly hcs:

- definitely an MSI fan (his fav songs would be lights out, shut me up and faggots)

- his favorite movie is definitely human centipede.

- 100% haunts C-137 with a hologram of sorts just to rile him up and create issues and conflict between C-137 and others

- a part of me thinks he has a cannibal vibe but more in the type of drinking blood since we SAW that C-137 does have a little cannibal tendency, just imagine Prime mixing wine and blood for a drink

- def hit C-137 with the "why are you so obssesed with me?" Card in one of his traps

- Danganronpa fan 100%, loves to imagine executions.

- in my opinion his fav alcoholic drinks would be Negrone, lime caipirinha and blood Mary

[psychic-refugee]

Got a question for you. About these rumors of Jenna removing her name from executive producer of WSSF. Thoughts on that?

From my research it’s mixed results. Wiki still has her listed as an EP but IMDB does not list her as EP for WSSF, but does for Wednesday. In all honesty, I don’t ever recall if it was ever on IMDB. So, I can’t say for sure if it not being on IMDB means anything.

I do not see any news outlets reporting that she has been removed as EP.

So overall I don’t think much because I don’t know much. lol

My first questions are where do the rumors originate? Are they from a credible source and/or are we corroborating it with IMDB? Are we simply inferring it because of IMDB? Or is this just speculation from her fans who seem to be obsessed with this narrative that she hates certain people and loves certain others?

Entertainment law is not my subject matter expertise, but I can speculate as a fan.

I think some context to the history of WSSF is needed for context/basis of my speculation.

WSSF is a small indie movie that has gone through delays because of Jenna and Percy’s commitments to Wednesday promo, COVID, and a very lengthy strike.

Jenna is also a much bigger star than when she first signed onto the movie and became EP.

My understanding (which admittedly is very little) of an EP, besides investing money, the title can come with certain responsibilities/commitments beyond being the star. This can include post-production responsibilities such as sales, marketing, and distribution. (Last visited 29/9/24 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Film_producer)

To try to cut off some less than flattering accusations towards Jenna or her costar:

She can’t divorce herself from the movie entirely. Even with removing herself as EP, she’s still the star. Her name is all over it. Her face is all over it. There is no getting around the fact she was part of it. If she is removing herself as EP, I do not believe distancing herself from the film itself is the reason. It would be a waste of money to break a contract if that was the reason because it’d be pointless.

Her invested money in it is already spent. The movie has been made and it’s premiered. There is no recouping it if she takes her name off it via EP. I do not believe it’s a money issue.

It really depends on what her actual contract says, but two things that are left as an EP are residuals and responsibilities. She still has the possibility to make money from streaming residuals. More so as an EP and a star than just the star.

My gut instinct says she would break the EP agreement because she doesn’t have the bandwidth to honor her responsibilities as EP and doesn’t believe any possible residuals is worth her time any longer.

Besides Wednesday and BJBJ taking obvious precedent over WSSF, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had other things in the works. I would totally believe that she has other big-ticket projects in the works that could easily pay to break her EP contract to get her out of it as part of her compensation package. If not, then she has certainly made several pretty pennies in the last two years that I think she could afford to break the contract herself. Again, WSSF is an indie movie and I'd be surprised if it had severe harsh monetary penalties.

Besides COVID and the strike, her co-star had unfortunate, baseless rumours spread about him. While I don’t think it’s the sole reason Jenna considered while de-prioritizing WSSF, it would be naive of me to think it wasn’t considered at all. This is another thing that works against potential residual numbers.

All of it together has really worked against the success of the film, and I think Jenna just doesn’t think it’s a worthwhile endeavor any longer. At least not to spend time and effort promoting a movie that basically missed its chance due to issues outside of its control.

It sucks, but from a completely business view, I totally get it and support it.

Lets also be honest, her fans, especially the Wenclairs, aren’t exactly tethered to reality. They do not support her projects where she is heterosexual. They constantly criticize her acting and her male leads when she has to portray a heterosexual.

Her fans are so bad that she feels she can’t debut ANY relationship in real life. (Vanity Fair, 6 August 2024).

I don’t think her “fans” understand when they keep harping on her “girl kisser energy” or “she has no chemistry with men” is a criticism of her acting and does not make it seem they think she’s a good actress. From their rancid behaviour, its clear they are more attracted to her physically than they admire her acting skills.

It’s really insulting, but they’re too narcissistic to ever actual think on their behaviour.

At bottom, I think Jenna sees the writing on the wall that WSSF for many reasons not her or anyone who worked on the film’s fault, missed its chance.

If she does remove herself as EP, then I think she will do it with the utmost respect and professionalism that she can. I don’t think she will ever speak poorly of the film or anyone who worked on the film.

All we will be able to do is speculate, but only Jenna and those she’s working with, will ever know the truth.

[lifewithchronicpain]

I have been watching the Curious Case of Natalia Grace, mainly for the second season where Natalia actually gets to speak for herself. It is so beyond upsetting, do not watch unless you're ready to rage.

There is a Lot to the story but I will sum it up as best I can. Natalia is a Ukrainian orphan with dwarfism, specifically Spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita. Because of her disability she would need many surgeries for her feet, and money concerns related to this is considered one potential cause for what was to happen. After being passed around, a family called the Barnett's adopted her.

According them, Natalia was really an adult that was secretly trying to kill them. If it sounds familiar it's because it's the plot of the movie Orphan. This poor girl wound up with an incredibly abusive family that eventually decided they didn't want her but because the mother was so concerned with her image, she couldn't be seen as getting rid of a disabled child. So she tried to pass Natalia off as an adult pretending to be kid, and after lies and faked drama the Barnett's actually got Natalia legally re-aged to 22.

Natalia was actually about 8 years old. Dental records, DNA tests, doctor's records, her own biological mother, who gave her up because she couldn't care for a disabled child, all say she was born in 2003 and was a child at the time of these events.

So Natalia was put in an apt at age 8, and Mrs Barnett forced her to tell people she was 22. Ableism and ignorance of little people plays a huge part here, otherwise no one would have believed her age was 22 nor would it have been legally changed. Even though neighbors thought she was young, they went with the lie and proceeded to view entirely childish behavior as weird and annoying. Because she lacked the fucking boundaries and sense of stranger danger of a typical 8 year old!!!!! They also said she said a lot of sexually stuff, and I don't know why I should need to explain to you what 8 year olds do when they hear things!!! An 8 year old with no adult, looking to anyone for company and just help. It's beyond upsetting to think of what it must have been like for her during this time.

Natalia was evicted after a year and moved to another apartment. Not too long after being there she met a family that recognized she was a fucking child, took her in, and called the goddamn cops. First people in Natalia's poor life to do something for her. She is still with them to this day, with what looks like a beautiful loving family.

The Barnett's were charged, the husband was ables to get acquitted in part because the judge decided her Legal age would stand, and he could only be accused of abandoning a disabled person and not a minor. Meanwhile no one could let the jury know she was really a minor when this happened. Huge miscarriage of justice and the wife was never taken to trial.

It's a hard documentary to watch, especially when you get a lot of the Barnett's story first without much dissecting of the facts. But then you do get Natalia's side, and the Barnett's lies are laid to waste. One of them being that Natalia had pubic hair and a period. She never did, the wife made her say it to the husband. I mean, there's a lot of fucked up shit that happened to Natalia that I have not mentioned. I'm also not getting into the drama within the Barnett family except to say the husband tried to blame it all on the wife, claims he was abuse and avoids accountability, and is the most pathetic excuse for a human being, honestly. The wife is no better, she's just a monster.

The thing that pisses me off so much though are the attorneys, especially this one guy that Knows Natalia was a child and acts like she has to take accountability for being a troubled child. Of course he offers up all excuses for his client.

And that's the rub, Natalia had her childhood robbed from her, then and now. She's not ever granted the view of her behavior as mitigated by being a child. They even showed one of her neighbors refuses to accept she was 8 and not 22, and she knows for sure because she was hussy and just knows how to put on an act. It just amazes me how quick we are to jump to the most negative explanation for something and ignore any evidence to the contrary.

I'm just glad Natalia was able to have a voice in this drama, and that she finally has the family she had always wanted.

[aurik-kal-durin]

My final Hilda episode ranking for all seasons, plus the movie.

S Tier: Most of these should be self-explanatory. The standouts I feel I must explain are The Nightmare Spirit, The Windmill, and The Yule Lads.

The Nightmare Spirit is one of my favorite episodes in the entire series because it introduces the Marra, and has some absolutely spellbinding folklore behind it, as well as some great character development for Hilda and David. I couldn't NOT put it in S tier.

The Windmill and The Yule Lads I feel are two of the more underrated episodes; the former is a superb David centric episode where he ends up being the unlikely hero, and the latter just has some really good folklore behind, and is a unique take on the Christmas special. It also has a very sweet moment between Hilda and David at the end, which makes it even better in my book.

A Tier: These episodes are not as good as S tier, but are still brimming with charm, and thus are a joy to watch. Whether they have some fascinating folklore behind them, some good character development, or some just some funny or otherwise iconic moments (like David standing up to the Marra, or telling off Frida) these episodes are just as infinitely rewatchable as S tier most of the time.

These episodes formed the backbone of the series and kept me watching from beginning to end. They form a key element that is missing from most other cartoons, and made the difference between keeping me entertained... and feeling like the series was being padded out with unnecessary filler, as has been the case with the majority of shows I've watched in the last 15 years.

B Tier: This is more of a matter of personal preference, but episodes in this tier I just found were a bit of a chore to get through.

The Black Hound, I felt, was a lackluster ending to an otherwise amazing first season.

The Draugen wasn't bad, but I always found it to be pretty "meh" compared to the episodes I have in higher tiers.

C Tier: The House in the Woods was just kind of a boring episode, and I have mixed feelings about The Mountain King. My biggest issue with the movie is with Trylla, the mother troll, her warped justification for kidnapping Hilda, and the fact that she almost got Johanna KILLED while hiding the truth from Hilda. Sorry, but I cannot overlook that.

D Tier: Episodes in this tier all had something that held them back, but weren't so bad that I had a hard time watching them from start to finish.

The Troll Circle was a bland and meandering opening to the second season, and it introduced us to Ahlberg, who was at his most annoying in that episode.

The Beast of Cauldron Island had a lot of things I didn't like, such as the continuation of Frida's awful character arc for Season 2, and David being reduced to a useless coward yet again.

Strange Frequencies made all of the characters unlikeable and OOC while focusing too much on the nisse, when it should've focused on Hilda's dad.

F Tier: These are the few episodes in all of Hilda that I consider to be genuinely bad to the point where they're unwatchable.

The Witch kickstarts Frida's awful character arc for Season 2, dumbs down Hilda to make Frida look smarter, strips the Librarian of her mystique from Season 1, and introduces some unlikable and annoying new characters in the form of the Committee of Three.

The Eternal Warriors uses all of it's runtime to make fun of David, reducing him to a useless coward, and giving us some really cringe-inducing scenes when he becomes fearless.

The Jorts Incident is the single worst episode of the entire series, wasting the potential of the tide mice on a forgettable side character and a lazy Ghostbusters homage... while also reducing David to a useless coward yet again!

The Giantslayer is a pointless time travel side quest that portrays the giants as victims even as they're carelessly stepping on people's houses and ruining their entire lives.

[rosylights]

Unexpected

synopsis: Scarlett attends a party which turns entirely opposite to what she expected, however, a party that does not match her vibe is not the only unexpected thing that happens to her.. author's note: the entire plot is a first-person pov of Scarlett; the characters are non-fictional, i.e., they do not represent a face of a movie/anime/series/show. content warning: ꒰Vince x Scarlett꒱, series contains smut word count: 1.6k

I have always been a person who loves to get drunk and dance the night away when it comes to parties. My friends, my friends’ friends and even their friends are well aware that if someone hosts a party, Scarlett Aston would be holding the champagne bottle.

To my utter disappointment, the party that I agreed to join neither had any champagne bottle nor any vibes.

“Scar!” As I was done setting up the giant table overpowered by the weight of tacos and nachos, Emily, the party host, called me out from the tent.

Suppressing a groan and pasting a smile, I approached her bright squealing figure.

She held my arm, her voice higher than an octave. “Thank you thank you thank you! I didn’t get to say this earlier, but I never expected you to come to my party.”

Neither did I.

“But because of you,” Emily’s friend and co-host, Jackson adjusted his glass and squinted his eyes at his tablet, “Almost 250 people booked their free pass for our ‘Get-To-Know-Each-Other with Tacos-Nachos-On-The-Table Party’!”

I blinked, a slow awkward chuckle making its way as I scratched my neck. “The name of the party is sure better than it was earlier. I didn’t know we had this feature on the Fiesta app.”

People say don’t judge a book by its cover. I said, 'fuck what people say’, judged this book by its cover and took my entire caravan to the middle of the forest where, somehow, an amusement park stands tall with less than 50 customers gracing its rides on a daily basis.

The owner better thank me for increasing his sale.

“I know right!” Emily giggled, “I told Jackson, ‘Champagne and Tequila’ is too boring, considering it's a no-heavy-alcohol party. Also, it’s not a feature available to everyone.”

My brows furrowed as she waved her hand to whisper in my ear. “My uncle is the co-owner of the Fiesta app.”

My eyes shut, as if holding back the urge to throw that damn table of tacos and nachos upside down and run away from here.

Fiesta is a popular application that lets you throw parties and invite a huge crowd. And the fact that this girl’s uncle holds the rights to that application that was my only source of fun, something in me screams to say. ‘Emily. You have potential. Don’t waste it.’ and then, for the nth time, flip that goddamn table I took 1 hour to set and run away.

“Hey,” before either of us could continue, Jackson pointed at the grand iron gate of the park. “I think it’s time.”

I looked at my watch. It was 4 in the evening.

“They are half an hour earlier,” I gaped at the crowd. A huge crowd.

I was mentally ready to get thrown over by this huge crowd.

“Alright,” I deadpanned, “maybe I was exaggerating when I said that this location is in the middle of nowhere, but, I know for sure this is going to be the shittiest party you guys will ever be in.”

My friends, along with their friends and them along with their friends, laughed in unison.

“Look, I’m not shitting on this party,” I turned my chair around and cradled it, resting my arms over its head as every pair of eyes were fixed on me, “But this kinda party isn’t my vibe. Like ‘get-to-know-each-other’? No, fuck, I’m fine without knowing anyone.”

“Says the girl who knows the entire town.” Vera, one of my close friends, rolled her eyes. I scoffed when someone said, “Town is an understatement.”

“Bub, it’s fine. You have us. You have so many people. It won’t be as boring as you assume it to be.” Dynna handed me the glass of mojito. 

“Look at Emily’s face, she’s so happy that so many people joined! Plus, getting to know each other isn’t a bad idea.” Tom sipped on his Coca-Cola.

“It is definitely not a bad idea.” Maria choked on her drink, but she did not seem to mind at all for her eyes were fixated somewhere, gawking at someone. “Who the holy-fucking-fuck is he?”

We all looked at the person she was staring at. A tall black-haired guy, a pair of black jeans, a loose T-shirt and a jacket thrown messily over his shoulder.

“Oh Scar, you really attracted some hot meat,” Bee drooled, “This party should be renamed as ‘get-to-know-each-other-and-fuck.’”

“Absolutely, you can go and fuck on the merry-go-round or in the bushes ‘cause unfortunately there are no rooms here,” I tossed my finished glass into the bin kept nearby and groaned lazily. “I am so fucking bored.”

Tayler, one of the guy friends of Vera, gave me his hand. But before he could say something, my frown deepened at the sudden bass and the beginning of a Spanish song.

The man standing in front of me grinned widely, “Scarlett. Wanna dance?”

A white tank top and beige cargo. I shrugged and got off the chair. Better than rotting in boredom.

He held my hand and pulled me to where the rest of the crowd was. If I admit, there were at least a hundred people whom I had never met.

As we made it to the centre, many unknown faces waved at me, winked at me, or whispered a “Shall I be next?” in my ear.

A smile formed on my lips. A little vibey now.

Tayler began, and with his very first step, it was pretty evident he knew nothing about dance. Not wanting to break the boy’s enthusiasm, I continued, my each step precise and perfect.

Yes, that’s how I do it.

As the tempo increased, partners changed. 

A solid arm sneaked around my waist, holding me close as I looked at the face. I burst into laughter, it was Tom.

“Am I better than that man, senorita?” He wiggled his eyebrows and I nodded with a grin.

“Oh fuck you are!” 

But before he could take me for a spin, partners changed again.

“Scarlett!” The tight hold on me had softened; and became more gentle. I looked at the glowing face, and my lips turned into a soft smile.

“Hi, Emily.” 

She giggled as I took her for a spin.

“It was a pleasure serving you, my lady.” She looked around, aware that the partners are going to change soon. It looked like she wanted to say more, but bit her tongue.

“The pleasure is all mine,” I kissed the back of her hand as the circle kept moving with the beat. 

Partners changed again. 

No contact. No touch. My palm landed on the broad shoulder, and I looked up in confusion.

It was the guy who Maria pointed at. The one with black jeans. My scowl deepened when he moved with my steps effortlessly, but his arm hung in the air, just an inch away from my waist.

It kinda pissed me off.

“Being respectful?” A smirk took over my face at his features. With my right hand, I held his palm that was right behind it and pulled it tightly. He was tall. His bare arm now snaked perfectly around me.

He simply looked at me, my breath hitching when he pulled me closer. “Is this how you want it?”

Okay.

I gulped and involuntarily averted my gaze. Did he just make me nervous?

“Hi.” His hard features broke into a smile, and my eyes refused to look away this time. “Vince.”

Maybe I was lost staring at him because I was silent for a whole two minutes.

“Scarlett. Hi.” I cleared my throat and flashed a smile in response. “Welcome to the party world, lil’ boy.” I gave his chest a light push with a head-tilt, the smile still lingering on my lips as the song stopped.

Turning around, I saw my friends gawking at me. Before I could scream at what just happened right now, a guy blocked my way.

“Hi, uh, Scarlett, you don’t know me but, can I get your num-”

“She’s already occupied.” Tom’s voice echoed in my ear as he threw his arm around me and dragged me out of there.

I sighed, “Can you speak a little softer next time?”

“Like this, my lady?” He whispered on my neck and I smacked his head with a glare.

He laughed and slumped over the chair. “Chill, mama.”

I flipped him off while taking my spot, cradling the chair again.

“That was one hell of a dance,” Bee muttered, her head hung low.

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

“That guy,” She sniffled, and I straightened up. 

“What did he do?” I dragged my chair near her and rubbed her back gently.

She looked at me with teary eyes. “He joined the dance in the last round, and I didn’t get a chance with him.”

A huge groan in unison. 

“It’s okay baby girl,” I clicked my tongue and pointed at the drinks table. “You’ll find hotter guys than him.”

“But Vince is the hottest guy around, Scarlett! No one’s hotter than him!”

I physically cringed, gagged and rolled my eyes. She was talking like a high-schooler who had her first crush.

“Oh please,” I scoffed, getting off my chair and turning around to bring some more drinks, “He is an A.”

“A is good, though. Especially when it comes to you.” Tom called out, and I faced them, walking backwards with a grin. 

There were still 2 steps away, but I decided to shout it out for them. “A stands for average!-”

“Fuck,” I cursed, feeling the ice-cold liquid trailing down my checkered shirt’s sleeve.

Vera’s eyes widened and she gave me ‘the look’.

I don’t know what’s ‘the look’ either.

Bee hissed. “Pineapple!”

The feeling of the drink creeping down my arm was gross enough for me not to pay attention to what they were saying. “Not pineapple, dumbass. Average!”

I turned around, wondering where the apology for spoiling my clothes was. As I was about to look at the culprit, the culprit’s voice thumped in my chest.

“Average?”

[airasora]

Ok ok ok I came across one of your older posts about Odette, where you mentioned that she had tomboyish traits and hobbies considered traditionally masculine and then she's a prim and proper lady. And that she must have been educated that way. And i fully agree but it also awakened a rant I've been thinking about for YEARS and given what you wrote i thought you may agree.

Because Derek being a terrible boyfriend has been discussed to death, correct. But can we please talk about their PARENTS? Both of them!

These two arranged a marriage when one was a toddler and the other a literal newborn. Not only without input from their children, but as the years pass, very obviously against what they want. They talk about their own children like a business transaction MULTIPLE times ('parenting and politics' referring to the wedding as a 'merger' and so on. In the Spanish version, which is the one I watched as a child, Uberta goes as far as calling it 'a wedding and a transaction'). They keep writing to each other about forcing their children to get married. Everyone and their dog could see Odette and Derek didn't want it, see chorus going 'the only point in which they didn't disagree was that the very thought of summertime was dreaded', but William and Uberta don't care. It's pretty obvious to me that William did indeed 'educate' those traits and hobbies out of Odette, and then jumps on the bandwagon of asshole toxic masculinity even further by scolding his daughter about the whole 'you're beautiful' incident with a truly callous 'what else did you want Derek to say to you?'

Uberta is passive-agressive and manipulative to a fault, and at times a downright liar, like with the whole beauty pageant and trying to trap Derek with another bride. When her son publicly offends Odette and she leaves, the only thing she bemoans is 'so many years of planning, wasted!' so she evidently also doesn't give a shit about Odette as a human being. She doesn't mourn William, who was supposedly her friend, and is annoyed and or dismissive about the ONE thing Derek is doing right, which is looking for Odette until he finds her or her body, and trying to figure out who or what killed William and his men, in so many instances i can't even quote them all. ('yes, yes, the fat animal or whatever') and insisting Derek will stop his own mourning and search (again, the ONE thing he does right) as soon as a sufficiently beautiful potential bride is put in front of him.

No bloody wonder Derek turned out like he did with role models like that! I'm surprised Odette didn't!

(also can we talk about the impressively alarming implications of Odette claiming 'I've got bruises with their fingerprints' while her father is bodily dragging her toward the carriage?!)

I absolutely 100% agree with you!

So, as a kid and a teen, I kinda just judged everyone in this movie; Odette and Derek for only falling in love when their hormones deemed each other a fine piece of ass, and William and Uberta for forcing this marriage on their children who fought against it their entire lives and then had the AUDACITY to get mad when it "didn't work out" in their favor.

Speaking of, why the hell didn't THEY get married??? Odette's mother and Derek's father are NEVER even mentioned, why didn't William and Uberta just get married? They'd get what they wanted, but I GUESS you could argue that their fellow reign wouldn't last long and they wouldn't be able to make an heir, but even then they would still have Derek and Odette and, given the time, Derek would probably become king and marry some woman and make her queen and Odette would be... I don't know, a princess?

Either way, William and Uberta could have gotten married and they would have gotten what they wanted anyway, but movie's gotta movie I guess.

I do think both Uberta and William love their children, they are just... way too far into their own goals and dreams and are forcing those on their children. I think Uberta is a little better, because even she was horrified when Derek couldn't think of anything to say about Odette except she was beautiful. You could argue she was horrified that he was ruining the potential marriage, but I'd like to think she's at the very least aware that the outcome was HER son's fault, and not Odette's.

William does try to understand Odette when they're on the carriage on their way home, but - and this is gonna sound sexist - he's a stupid man and doesn't see why being called beautiful isn't enough x'D

Sidenote: One of my favorite lines in any cartoon ever is Rogers saying: "You should write a book; how to offend women in five syllables or less." Also, when Derek loses the queen in chess and he says: "That's twice in one day." The movie is horrendously flawed, but damn does it has some funny lines every now and then xD

And yes, Odette was 100% "designed" to be a proper lady so she could become more likeable to Derek and be what society deemed a good woman. I like that the only hobby we really see her have once she's grown a bit is that she reads, but... that book could be anything. Let's say it's one she's reading for fun though; then that begs the question WHY is reading the hobby she latches onto as a teenager?

A lot of people who loves to read (I'm one of them) say that one of the reasons they love reading books is that they can transport you somewhere else and forget your own worries for a while. I could see that being Odette's reason for reading. Not only is it "calm" and not too tomboyish, but it also gives her an escape from reality. Kinda like Belle, we all know she needed an escape badly as well.

Reading though, also, wasn't considered ladylike. Or rather, why would a woman need to read? Why would she have to be intelligent? That wasn't what a woman's purpose was! So I think you could argue that MAYBE William allowed this one hobby as it was something that could be "hidden". Meaning, let's say she climbed a lot of trees as a kid. We see her running around and fighting a lot, but this would not only make her seem unladylike, it would also be a visual bother. Reading, despite it being "a waste of time", does not make her look less beautiful and composed. It's not a downright bad thing that she's reading, it's just useless for William's plans for his daughter.

Also... YES!

"I got bruises with their finger prints."

Someone WROTE THAT and was like: Yeah, let's put that in a kids movie 🤪

[transfem-octopus]

I finslly watched Rebel Moon and…

* sigh * I really wanted to like that movie… but it’s bad. I was expecting it to be bad in an entertaining way but no it’s just bad in the boring way.

I’m going to talk about this movie so this will be your one and only spoiler warning. If for some reason you want to watch this turd well consider yourself warned.

Before I even get into the movie there is something I want to say first. This movie includes two tasteless depictions of sexual assault. Reader discretion is advised.

At the beginning of the movie a group of soldiers attack a teenage girl and prepare to gang rape her before they are all killed by Kora. Later in the movie in Mos Eisley Cantina knock off Gunnar the male lead and love interest for Kora is sexually assaulted by an alien pig man who gropes his genitals.

These depictions of sexual violence are tasteless and gross and I could not in good conscience talk about the movie without talking about this shit. In the former scene sexual violence is used to motivate Kora to stay and fight for the villagers. The later scene exists only to instigate a fight scene and the fact that the only explicitly LGBT character in the movie is a rapist pigman who sexually assaults the male lead is incredibly homophobic.

With that said Rebel Moon

Rebel Moon – Part One: A Child of Fire is really the perfect name for this movie because it’s a bloated mess of a name that should have been edited down just like the movie itself. The plot of the movie is essentially the first 30 minutes of the Magnificent Seven stretched out over 2 hours. Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire is not a movie it is the bloated first act of a movie that should have been edited down but was instead just cut into a movie.

The movie is extreme derivative in both plot and esthetic. Imagine if one were to put Dune, Star Wars, and Warhammer 40k into a blender and set it to pure and then poured the ensuing sludge over the plot of the Seven Samurai. That is what Rebel Moon is. Now the fact that Rebel Moon is derivative is not in and of itself a bad thing. I will say there is a lot about the movie that is conceptually interesting. The problem is the movie largely squanders those conceptually interesting ideas; and just feels kind of bland all around.

The main antagonist of the film is Admiral Nobel who I described in my notes as a “WH40k-ass commissar looking Admiral.”

He is an admiral for The Imperium which is based on The Motherworld in service to The Slain King. And yes those are the only names we’re given. The formal name for the capital of the Imperium is never given in the movie. Nor is the Imperium ever called such in the movie. I learned it was called the Imperium from the Wiki and TV Tropes. But maybe I just missed a reference to it in the movie.

Nobel is the Admiral Hux of the movie in that he is a one dimensional fascist who serves as the underling for the more interesting villain which is Regent Balisarius (more on him later). For the record I don’t mind that he’s a one note fascist; because he doesn’t need to have any kind of depth and he is genuinely menacing.

Our Protagonists (since there are no Heroes “just rebels”). Is Kora aka Arthelais aka Scargiver.

She is yet another conceptually interesting character whose potential is wasted by bad writing, a poor performance, and the fact that there’s not enough female characters in the story for me to ship her with. (Nemesis barely interacts with her and Sam is a child).

She was a soldier of the Imperium but was also a victim of the Imperium. Her entire planet was destroyed by the Imperium in a genocide waged by her “adoptive” “Father” Regent Balisarius prior to his rise to power. After abducting her he groomed her to become a soldier of the Imperium and eventually rose to become the Bodyguard of the Royal Family who she definitely killed or at the very least was scapegoated for their deaths.

Now the movie itself doesn’t tell us that but it’s painfully obvious that Kora played some role in their deaths. She’s the most wanted person in the galaxy; her “Father” is now the Regent of the Empire; and there’s a flashback of her with the dead princess playing with a dog and the dog who had the exact same color pallet as her brings the Princess a dead bird.

It’s so obvious that the final movie is going to reveal Kora played some role witting or unwittingly in their deaths I literally screamed “SYMBOLISM” at my TV when the dog with the same color pallet as Arthalais brought the dead bird to Princess Issa.

And it’s going to be just as obvious a “twist” as when it’s revealed that Sam: the blond haired teenager who befriends the war robot Jimmy who directly compares her to the princess and later inspires him to take up arms to defend her after having lost the will to fight following the death of the princess is in fact the reincarnation of the Princess.

(I’m really going to look foolish if it turns out this prediction is wrong)

The actual plot of the movie is Kora and her Male Love interest Gunnar traveling from planet to planet gathering mercenaries to fight the Imperial Warship that is threatening their world and demanding grain from them.

For most of the movie it’s just Kora and Gunnar traveling from planet to planet to recruit warriors. The warriors get a scene where they show off their skills and their personalities that goes on too long. Then they join the heroes because the plot says so. Wash rinse repeat for an hour and a half.

Our heroes are assisted in their quest by Kai the Han Solo of the movie who is introduced selling out Rebels to the Imperium.

Kai is a lot like Micah Bell; in that the fact that his betryal the heroes to save his own skin shouldn’t be a surprise but it is. The difference is that you don’t expect Micah’s betrayal because he can be superficially charming and you kind of expect that he has more going on deep down.

Kai’s betrayal is surprising because after two hours of enduring Rebel Moon the character introduced selling out Rebels to the Empire betraying the heroes to the Empire is such competent and consistent writing you don’t expect it.

When the Kai tells the protagonists and the audience he sold out the rebels because he’s a rank opportunist while looting the corpses of some people they just killed you fully accept that he’s a hero now because that’s the kind of writing you expect from this profoundly stupid movie. People just do things in this movie for no explicable reasons so you’re surprised to learn a character wasn’t just poorly written it’s just our heroes were chumps who trusted an obviously untrustworthy character.

Nor do you expect his character to foil with Kora’s. As he reveals that like Kora he is the survivor of a genocide committed against his planet by the Imperium. But unlike Kora the lesson he learned is “don’t be on the wrong side of history.” Had the movie just kept Kora and Gunnar in the dark about his dealings with Imperial Bounty Hunters I would be able to say this was good writing.

But this movie was garbage and utterly pointless.

The only thing that actually happens by the end of the movie is the heroes assemble and kill Admiral Nobel but not really because he miraculously survives being stabbed in the gut and falling to his doom and is resuscitated by the weird Alien priests who follow the Imperium everywhere they go.

Seriously this movie is 70% filler that a competent editor would have cut down by condensing unnecessary characters and trimming down pointless scenes. The opening narration could have been cut from the movie entirely because the exact same information is relayed to the audience by characters in universe.

The movie feels like an unedited first draft right down to freaking continuity errors. Towards the beginning of the movie she confides with the village chief that she doesn’t feel worthy of love because “they” taught her that love makes you weak. Later in the movie she tells Gunnar that the Empire encouraged soldiers to take lovers Sacred Band of Thebes style as she is shown kissing a man.

And the choreography is just terrible; the violence is bloodless and weightless despite the fact the movie is not even remotely interested in being family friendly; and the slow motion is over used to the point there’s slow motion shots within the slow motion slots. Making every fight scene seem boringz

All and all this is movie is 4/10 and even that feels like a generous score.

This movie is an argument against the directors cut l; and I am dreading the inevitable Snyder’s cut of Rebel Moon and the bloated vanity project that will be.

[clutchpowers]

Did you like how Clutch was in Ninjago? If not, what would you change?

You Just opened a fucking can of worms my guy oh my god I cannot stress how much I both love and downright hate what they did to him.

LONG ASS ESSAY UNDER THE READMORE but here’s the TLDR

The love is easy because truthfully there is nothing that says that this clutch is the same as the movie and even if he’s not he’s fine. I like to think he’s one where the movie didn’t happen and he just ran off to ninjago for god knows why but ANYWAY it’s a take on a character that was referenced all the way in S1 and has been out of the public eye for 10 years and just. Appears out of fucking no where. He’s just there and that is the funniest fucking think in the world to me. ALSO THE WAY HE IS JUST A PUNCHING BAG FOR THR WRITERS he’s constantly killed, exploded, thrown around, made a joke etc is so. Goddamn funny to me. They hate him for no reason and it’s so funny. And surprise! That’s also why I hate him!

Maybe I’m reading too much into what they “”wanted to do with him” but I see him as a ronin replacement. Ronins been MIA for 70 years so they want another character to essentially take his place. that might be a stretch but in crystallized Ronin very much takes over while clutch powers is tossed to the side. After it’s revealed that ronin is the one who’s been stealing from the islanders clutch magically just vanishes.(SPOILERS) He doesn’t even have a speaking line AT ALL during crystallized, he isn’t at the monestary helping OR is shown in the crowd when Dareth brings to help. You know who is tho? That fucking sheriff that came out of no where that looks like him. which fine clutch isn’t a major character anyway but neither is that stupid ass sheriff why is he even helping at the monastery IT BAFFLES ME (END SPOILERS)

While I think the way they treat him is funny I also hate it. If crystallized is supposed to be the end think about what they did with him. He was brought into ninjago to barely be used, forgot he was an explorer before they throw in a line that he claims to be one for people complaining (me), and adventure he’s been on he does. Nothing, the only Plot importance he had was stealing the storm gem or whatever it was but it gets taken from him so he looses that, and in crystallized (SPOILERS) I genuinely thought the Zane disguise malfunction was the last time we were going to see him. And even tho it wasn’t I would have laughed out of rage because come on that would have been so fucking funny. He’s also in the resistance camp NOT DOING ANYTHING like not even have him fight with misako and wu over that stupid paper LIKE THEY CANT IMPLY HE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO FIND THAT PLACE WHERE VANIA LIVES, THE SCROLL PLACE IN THE SKY, AND THE FANG BLADE, AND THEN HAVE HIM JUST. NOT DO ANYTHING IN THE SHOW. (END SPOILERS) I swear to god for like 3-4 seasons straight THEY START WITH HIM GETTING “”KILLED”” ITS LIKE come on. Why do you hate him. Why bring him in if you’re just going to throw him around like a rag doll and do nothing??

Don’t even get me started on the wasted potential regardless of whether they wanted this to be the movie version or a new version entirely he does nothing. He is just there. Why even lump him in with the villains that are allowed to be summon by unagami if he can’t even be considered one and that’s another thing too he can’t really be considered anything other than a side character that’s just There. That’s why I wish he was evil, or just playing stupid for the attention, ANYTHING would have been better than him just being tossed aside. for example they say vania is a fan right? Have him exiting the palace while the ninja enter and have her geeking out. Instead of clutch cowardly showing the amulet of protection to asphera SOMETHING THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH BTW have him proclaim that he was trying to get them out of the way so HE could get the treasure. Then in the hospital have the nurses gawking over him while the ninja are in there because even though they all realize that he was just trying to get them killed for treasure, no one believes them because clutch is too well liked by fans who “”know him”” and it allows him to get away with things instead of being a Fucking Coward. Have him trying to keep his image in check, he should be treated as a micro celeb with a STRONG fan base so that something like that could be played out!!! The amulet could have been something, the djin lamp could have been something OTHER than him wishing for a movie haha reference get it. Do you have any idea how funny it would have been if during the fight in the video game instead of having Lloyd v harumi unagami picks clutch and Lloyd downplays him so bad thinking he can’t fight, only to be faced with a clutch powers who’s AI can and will beat the shit out of him? Obviously that takes away from the harumi and Lloyd scene but tbh we didn’t need that!!!!!!!!!

But you know what I did get the clutch powers short with the spiderverse inspired style and a physical official minifig so I will always be a winner!!! I won!!!! I’m his biggest fucking fan and I won!!!!!!!!! I’m not aggressively huffing copium!!!!!!!!!! my evil AU is not copium!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It doesnt matter anyway the entire fanbase fucking hates him people who are fans of the movie hate him everyone hates him 😭😭😭 they are so right to hate him tho I don’t blame the people they do because what the fuck man 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[void-dust-muffin]

called out by @egg-exe to list my favorite character from 10 different fandoms.

I. Do not remember names. And I refuse to look anything up. we'll see how this goes.

1) Kal'Tsit from arknights. I've been low key obsessing over the game for a while now, and Kal is definitely one of the coolest characters. Storied past, cold demeanor belying genuine care and kindness for everyone under her, Mon3tr, the team that made her did a good job and she really just exemplifies the strength of the game in general. But I can talk to the moon and back about how stupid good the writing for arknights is, especially considering it's a gacha mobile game, so ill move on

2) Neopolitan from rwby. I fell in love with rwby's setting all the way back when I first watched it. Its unique mix of fantasy and technopunk drew me in and its character concepts have kept me there ever since. Neo probably the most. A mute character being the wisecracking villain's muscle and making her shorter than literally the rest of the cast? Peak. If only they made a character to go with the cool moves.

3) Princess Zelda in Breath of the Wild. Sweetheart's trying her best and facing frustration at every turn. Somebody hug her I'm begging you. (it's me, the sweetheart is her but also me)

4) Jafar Fire Emblem 7. Played the game years ago, loved his character design and his class(crits go brrrrr), but his story is the real selling point. The way he interacts with Nino is so sweet and I have such a soft spot for both of them(technically illegal two faves from one fandom oops).

I had the next one and then I lost it uhhhhh not the one I had but we'll go with

5) I was going to say a different character from portal but then I remembered the boy: Space Core.

6) Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist. Her relationship with the major is so heartfelt and the writer did them so well. If you've never watched it go and do that cuz it's just so well put together.

7) Padparadsha from Houseki no Kuni. God that manga is a train wreck. Phos you walking disaster. I love it. Anywho, pad is an interesting character in an already very interesting cast of characters. Their entire existence, teetering between waking and immobility is an exploration of how much of the gem is required for them to function. how much them can be removed before they just. cease.

8) Waymond from Everything Everywhere All At Once. First off, if you haven't watched the movie, go see it. Second, damn I didn't think anyone would actually read this far. Waymond is such a wholesome man he changes the way the woman going through the infinite possibilities of the multiverse thinks. He finds joy in everything he does and shares it with everyone around him. Not because he's ignorant of the struggles of life, because with happiness they become easier. And the man that played him is just as sweet. At the Oscar's when it was announced as best picture he went up on stage too and was hugging everyone. I would die for him.

9) Finn from the star wars sequel trilogy. As bad as they were, when the force awakens came out I remember seeing it and being excited to see what they would do with a stormtrooper main character. And then they didn't do anything, wasting all of his potential. But if there's one thing I learned from rwby, it's that someone else was just as disappointed and wrote a fanfiction exploring what canon didn't.

And now time for the niche reach.

10) Maven from the web novel Save the Demon King. Maven is the eponymous demon king, a near mythical figure in setting and the last demon alive. He is such a fun character in a fun setting that is very well written. I refuse to say more except for go read it. It's free on tapas and very good.

Honorable Mention:

I did think of Hades the game as a possible fandom but everyone in it is too good. I can't choose. the short list is half the hub area characters and at least three of the gods on top of that

fuckin hell theres an hour down the drain. gotta keep the chain going so uhhhhh @krindenium you're the only other human that I know on this site.

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Darkest Minds (2018)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Released in 2018, The Darkest Minds was way too late arriving at the party. This film doesn’t even remind you of The Hunger Games so much as it does The Fifth Wave. It's the clone of a clone of a clone and boy, the DNA degenerated sharply with each copy. Even if this picture could somehow get sent back to 2009 when it would’ve been fresh, it would've still been rejected. You can foresee every plot point way ahead of time, the characters are shallow and everything you could consider good has been done before.

After a crippling disease kills 90% of all children and leaves the survivors with superhuman abilities, the world falls to pieces. Placed in an internment camp with the other remaining teens, Ruby Daly (Amandla Stenberg) has used her powers to alter people’s thoughts/memories and avoid the fate of all level “Orange” children: execution. Escaping one night and joining forces with Zu (Miya Cech), who can manipulate electricity, brainiac Chubs (Skylan Brooks) and their leader, a hunk who can move objects with his mind named Liam (Harris Dickinson), they search for sanctuary in a world that hates and fears them.

The first time I saw trailers for The Darkest Minds, I thought it was a sneak peak at The New Mutants (2020) because… yeah, this is just The X-Men run through the YA dystopian novel adaptation process. You know what that means? Teenage angst in the middle of much bigger things first and foremost. The instant Ruby and Liam see each other, you know they’ll end up romantically involved. The dude’s handsome and he’s the leader - despite not being the smartest in the van - so of course while the fate of the world is at stake… these teens are busy making googly eyes at each other.

This is one poorly-written story. Ruby is in constant fear of being discovered. Both by country-roaming bounty hunters and her fellow teens. You think being able to throw bricks and logs with a thought is powerful? Ruby can alter minds with a touch and force anyone to do anything with a look. She’s so powerful… it makes the movie lame. Once she’s out of the camp, you never really feel as though anything or anyone should pose a threat to her. When she is in danger it’s because she’s not smart enough to use her abilities to their full potential.

The rule of thumb here is that your first impression is always correct. The antagonists are so flat and uninteresting the lame prom-like dance, the drama as Liam reflects on the way he was “forced to be turned into a weapon” by freedom fighters and the huge lapses in logic feel like a breath of fresh air. Before escaping the camp, Ruby was being forced polish boots. That seems like a bit of a waste. If I heard my son or daughter was sent to a rehabilitation camp for juvenile would-be superheroes and they were responsible for menial tasks, I’d be mad as hell. In fact, where are the parents? I know the kids are dangerous but you can’t tell me some of the couples aren’t thrilled to have a kid whose IQ skyrocketed overnight.

While we're asking questions, I have a few more. I know the world’s fallen to pieces, but why? I know children are the future but it’s not like adults stopped existing and now that I think about it, the film begins SIX YEARS after the plague began. Has no one been born since then? There’d be less people, sure, but the people left would still be there to make more? I know we’re not supposed to think too much about the backend of this story but you can’t help it. What’s in front is so dumb, so flat and predictable you’ve got to asks questions to keep yourself from completely losing interest in what’s on-screen.

Director Jennifer Yuh Nelson steals entire scenes from the X-Men films - notably one of the final moments from X-Men Origins: Wolverine (bad call). Everything about The Darkest Minds screams "forgettable" and its “see you next time” ending will make you laugh out loud. I suppose miracles do happen but I think everyone watching will know this is the first and last time we see this world. (On Blu-ray, May 3, 2019)

[seikotakai]

The Uzumaki Anime Adaptation Tragedy (alternative title: modern wb needs to be stopped)

I remember seeing the trailers for adult swim/Toonami's anime adaptation for Uzumaki (the iconic Junji Ito horror manga, not Naruto's clan who is sadly wasted potential like the Kazama clan from Tekken). I was hype (albeit cautiously hype considering disappointing anime adaptations like Berserk 2016/2017 and how the Naruto anime by Studio Pierrot butchered some characters like Sakura Haruno). I never actually got to watch the anime because I was playing Street Fighter 6, watching bleach tybw cour 3, and also life got a little busy sometimes. Then I saw a news article on Anime News Network saying the Uzumaki anime was a disaster and I just had to look online to see what happened to the Uzumaki anime. Why after so many years of development hell, did it just end up being another disappointment like Duke Nukem Forever or Shenmue III. I saw one video and there was a name and a company i did not expect to see. Fucking W**NER B*OS and D*vid Z*slav. Now everything makes perfect sense. For those of you who don't know, W**ner B*os in recent years has pissed off pretty much everyone. First back in 2019 W**ner B*os pissed off the entire FGC/Fighting Game Community by retconning fan favorite Mortal Kombat character Sindel's entire personality and story hence the tag #NotMySindel. Thankfully, in MK1 they backpedal that awful decision and Sindel is back to her true self (hell we even get an entire scene of Sindel reacting to her shitty MK11 ending and being upset). Next in 2022 W**ner B*os pissed off pretty much so many fans of cartoons with the now infamous HBO Max disaster where they got rid of a bunch of beloved animated TV shows with good reviews because they don't make bank like the soulless shitty reality tv shows Z*slav loves so much. Oh, and then they also slapped the shitty Velma TV series onto HBO max which is a complete and utter disgrace to the Scooby Doo franchise. Then they cancelled many movies which were basically complete like Batgirl and Coyote Vs Acme (although I heard Batgirl wasn't going to be good. Coyote Vs Acme on the other hand deserved better). Now they pissed off anime/manga fans. Episode 1 of Uzumaki was amazing from what I have heard. Then it all went downhill from episode 2 onwards when they got rid of the original animation studio and replaced them with a new one. I get critical towards Katsuhiro Harada at times (ex. his extreme favoritism for his favorite character Heihachi ever since Tekken 6/7 and how he lies to fans sometimes), but at least he can still make decent/good games. D*vid Z**lav actually needs to be fired. Uzumaki deserved so much better too, we were SO CLOSE to a perfect/at least decent adaptation of the Uzumaki manga by Junji Ito. anyways, rant over. going to go back to playing sf6 for a bit.

[hooligans-holiday]

About that, I came out of the cinema thinking that we're supposed to see the entire story as a legend, so it's not as much of a plot hole as it is a stylistic choice to tell her story like that. And it makes sense, because she's become a legendary figure, a goddess, a savior. It makes sense that her story would slowly turn into a myth.

(TW: if you watched the movies you know what to expect)

The way I see it (and it would make way more sense with the way she acts in Fury Road), Furiosa actually stayed in the vault long enough for Joe to try to have a baby with her. For her to be sent among the mechanics, it means that Joe found out she couldn't have children and couldn't produce milk (technically, we could make the situation slightly less unpleasant if we say that maybe the Organic Mechanic noticed that she wasn't getting her period and told Joe that she was infertile before he could have his way with her). So, instead of wasting a full life, she ended up with the black thumbs.

So...I think that the fact that nobody looked for her when she escapes should be seen as a metaphor for the fact that nobody cared anymore. Joe cares about his wives as long as they have the ability to produce a healthy son, so I'm quite sure he'd forget about what he did to Furiosa as soon as he discarded her. And Jack was probably the only one who saw potential in her, even if maybe in reality their relationship was never romantic.

So, in the end, I think we should see this movie the same way we consider myths. We don't expect them to be consistent, because they represent what people expect of their gods, rather than a real story.

Okay, okay. I love the Furiosa movie. Not as much as Fury Road but I love it for what it is.

However, there is one really odd plot hole I can’t get over that sort of ruined the undercurrent theme/threat of female enslavement in Immortan Joe’s male dominated dystopian cult.

Spoiler-ish comment rant below?

Furiosa gets tossed into the big ole Wife Vault for a hot minute. She escapes and…no one notices? No one cares? Okay, she’s new, I guess I can ignore it.

The big one that I cannot understand at all: She joins up with Praetorian Jack and returns to the Citadel, long ass gorgeous hair, looking fine as hell. Clearly a woman!

How, someone tell me how Immortan Joe didn’t snap her up and toss her ass back in the Vault to see if she’s not barren? How did this not occur?

Literally all full-life women in this place are placed in chains. That’s…that’s like Immortan Joe’s thing.

You can’t tell me this Bad Man felt so generous that he’d just let Praetorian Jack keep her on his crew. I’m just. Ugh.

It sort of ruined the threat aspect of being a woman in this hard, terrible dystopia where women have no rights (they are valued only for breeding perfect specimens or providing milk). How did this NOT APPLY to Furiosa?

Was Joe like, “oh she fights, I guess she doesn’t need to do the most important duty that only a few women in this Citadel can perform”?

Like, if Splendid Angharad was a fighting bad ass, Joe still would have thrown her ass in the Vault. No questions asked. Nah girl, I have men to fight for me. What do I not have? I don’t have men pushing out perfect babies!

The whole misogynist world in the Citadel got reduced by this plot hole not being explained. Furiosa spends all this time hiding as a Boy, but then freely shows herself? Doesn’t make sense, I can’t make it make sense.

A scene could have fixed this, but instead we got a massive time jump where we just have to accept that Furiosa is somehow driving the War Rig?

😭

Side note, the scene of her sleeping in a room full of War Boys also gave me the yikes because there are so many things that could just…go wrong…in that situation…

[myimaginarywonderland]

Some of my unpopular scream opinions:

The best Ghostface writing wise was hands down Roman.

The best movies are the first two. One genuinely is written wonderfully and two has the most intriguing follow up. Two does not deserve the hate it gets because it shows a traumatized Sidney opening up again and getting hurt in the process while openly still being paranoid. It shows the effect of grief in all forms. It portrays a fascinating deranged character that feels no remorse and has somehow been killing without getting caught even before becoming ghost face as well as a lost mother.

I don't like Scream 4 and I strongly dislike Jill. This might be because of the way I hate the whole discourse and see wasted potential or because I just don't like Emma Roberts. It could also be because I think Jill just has a boring motive that isn't fun to explore because it feels so unrelatable.

I think 5 and 6 are bad movies and wouldn't be considered okay if it wasn't for the Scream name. Mostly 5 more so then 6.

I think Charlie was severely underused as a Ghost Face and underdeveloped as a character.

I absolutely despise the Sam/Billy related storyline because it doesn't make sense timewise or logically. We know at least 20 years have passed by Scream 4 because of Jill and Sidney's age, so Sam being what 18-20 in Scream 5 is ridiculous. Also Billy would have never risked the relationship to Sidney by screwing another girl at that time. His whole plan was build on that and I just hate the writing decision especially when the most obvious choice would have been to make someone related to Stu and open up the possibility of him coming back.

I also think Tara just adds nothing as a character really and feels flat. I feel like besides having her be Sam's obvious reasons for decisions there is nothing else her character gives the story other than standing in for purposes.

Chad is by far the most interesting character of the core 4 and it would have been so cool had they showed his connection to Ethan more or even developed him as a character but alas. Also stop with the plot armor. I would have loved more focus and then if he was genuinely killed off, that would have felt better than the whole he survives being ambushed and stabbed 50× twice card.

Going off that, I truly feel like the characters of Scream 5/6 feel more like plot devices than actual people. They just stand in for situation in the story rather than feeling like part of the whole story.

Scream 4 was a wasted opportunity of setting up a universe where Kirby and Robbie both survive and the newer movies focus on them. Kirby was the most connected to both killers and Robbie was clearly a Randy character that should have gotten another movie, maybe two. Besides Kirby/Jill, Robbie and Charlie was the most focus we had on a friendship and it felt like a waste to kill him off the way they did. Imagine them with Deputy Hicks as the focus in 5/6, with the Deputy being killed off the reason why they come back maybe, thinking someone is going after the survivors.

Roman should have lived more than any other Ghostface because he had the most potential. If we would have gotten Scream 3 end with Sidney believe he is dead but even the smallest hint that he wasn't that could have set up such a fascinating storyline were their relationship and characters could have been explored more. There was so much wasted potential there, I am so annoyed.

I feel like Scream 5 was less enjoyable because the killers were even more obvious than Scream 1. At least with Billy and Stu there was the suspense of only believing in on killer and seeing one of them as a red herring, hell even both of them, but 5 basically dropped and explained itself on the way. While I understand the parody of horror films is what made Scream so good, this entire movie felt so on the nose it was hard to enjoy the actual insane characters.

I don't think Tatum should have lived. Dewey and Sidney both losing her set up their future connection, it helped bring them closer and I wouldn't have it any other way. Dewey was a far more entertaining character that genuinely gave such a fun aspect to the storyline, I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on that.

On the same note, I wish they had killed Gale or at least stopped using her character. Didn't like her in Scream 1, didn't like her in Scream 2, didn't like her in Scream 3 and hate her and Deweys storyline in Scream 4. She just felt so stuck, no development and all that did happen was immediately thrown out in the next movie which I get (some people can't change) but she really just felt flat after the third movie and I wished they would have stopped using her or any of the older cast because those characters were treated with a lack of love.

Randy would have been great in Scream 3 as well as the final act of Scream 2. Imagine him and Mickey having a showdown. Imagine him when the Roman plot was revealed. So much wasted potential. Also he already had a much more interesting relationship to both Sidney and Dewey than Gale by only Scream 2.

I like that Scream 6 tried to do something new but I feel like the family thing was obvious. What I would have loved is if Wayne became bad and had been the killer later after genuinely losing Quinn and blaming the core 4 for it. Ethan would have been a much more interesting killer on his own or with an unexpected partner like Chad than he was in a family dynamic same as everyone else. Hell, even do the storyline but just with one less killer because 3 was too much for a showdown when we rarely had time to connect to the characters. I think Ethan is more interesting but I also would have loved if Wayne did it solo because he lost his son or if he and Quinn did it together but it just would have felt repetitive either way. Ethan with a core 4 member though that would have been so cool or even Quinn with a core 4 member/Annika would have been more interesting.

I truly think the best female Ghostface was Nancy because of how realistic it was. She had a goal that she somewhat accomplished or would have and she felt like a person rather than a prop. Even a bad mom sometimes steps up when their children are hurt and in that twisted family Sidney and her dad have been blamed for Sidney's mothers actions so much that her snapping just makes sense. Hiring someone to be the muscle? So smart and Mickey is obviously crazy enough to really not care. Her anger is limited as in comparison to what we see mostly as an untroubled rage or murder Lust. She kills to make right what she thinks has been done wrong and it just makes her almost relatable because she truly doesn't see how her actions are not justice or repairing of damage. To her she is doing what needs to be done and maybe even repairing her own broken heart in the process who knows.

[always-andromeda]

I'm Not Looking at Your Junk | Timothy Klitz x fem!Reader

Timothy Klitz x fem!Reader

Word Count | 6,206

Summary | Despite being an infamous prude, Timothy Klitz wasn't expecting it when you said you hadn't watched the sex ed tape he and his friends made during senior year. Little does he know, however, college has given you a chance to become a bit more experienced.

Author's Note | The way I love and hate this so much is ridiculous. I had to get this idea out of my head because it was just clawing at the inside of my skull!! Also, I called him Tim the entire time because I definitely would've been hella uncomfy in high school calling him Klitz all the time if this was an irl man??? I hope I did my man Klitzy justice because I love him so much. I am so nervous about posting this but fuck it!!!

Warnings | smut, (protected!) sex, loss of virginity, fingering, mentions of masturbation, mdni, please let me know if I need to add anything else!

You sighed as you flopped down on Timothy Klitz's couch. The cushions had flattened so much that you were only raised inches from the ground. Even though he was going to Yale, Tim and his two other roommates were set on spending the least amount of money possible to furnish the place. So when one of the guys found the couch free for the taking on the side of the road, of course he picked it up and had it hauled up the apartment stairs.

Tim didn't even know the guys that well. They were nice enough but obviously weren't his type of people. He was sure they'd drop out before the end of the year. But the two brothers were holding their own. Sent there with daddy's money, they'd refused to stay in the dorms where the campus security could bust them for underage drinking and the litany of drugs they were using. When Tim had found out that there weren't any dorm spaces left, he outsourced. The brothers wanted a third person to get in on the rent so they could spend more on supplies for their weekly parties. And with the meager pay Tim was making at his internship, their range met his budget.

On the bright side, their absences made it possible for you to visit more often.

You had your own dorm room but both of your roommates had boyfriends. Most nights you were stuck in your room listening to the sounds of intense lovemaking on the other side of one or two of your walls. That being said, Tim's sparsely decorated apartment with cracks in the drywall was clearly the better option to hang out in.

Tim wasn't complaining about it either. He'd known you since freshman year of high school and considered you one of his closest friends. Having Eli and Matt at his side made it a bit difficult to spend alone time with you. Any time Tim would tell Eli that he had to get off the phone because you were on your way over to his house, Eli would be wailing at the other end: Klitz, you better bang her. Or else I really might kill myself this time. In Eli's eyes, Tim was wasting a situation that was just dripping with erotic potential. She adores you, man. You could slap her ass in the middle of class and she'd thank you! Eli was so sure of himself.

Tim would never do that though. Sure, he liked you, but he couldn't imagine you seeing him in any similar way. You weren’t really the type to just hook up with some guy like it was nothing, especially if some guy was your nerd of a best friend. So just like every other weekend before, he shoved the video tape into the VCR and settled on the uncomfortable couch alongside you.

He'd found some horror flick at Blockbuster a few days before that he thought you’d get a kick out of. As terrible as the effects were in movies like this, the sight of even fake blood freaked him out. You made enough jokes to compensate for the moments where he got too queasy, but this one might be the death of him.

The dramatic title card flew towards the screen: Return of the Bloody Boogeyman!

Your face lit up at the text, already excited for what the night would bring. "You gonna tap out on me for this one?" you spoke teasingly.

He shook his head, brown hair flipping with the action, "You know, I am insulted you'd think I'm that much of a chicken." You laughed with a nefarious anticipation. You couldn't wait for when he would break and start gagging at the low budget visuals.

Of course it started with a completely clothed sex scene. Two teenagers packed into the back of a Cadillac convertible, gasping and moaning exaggeratedly. The black and white filter made it difficult to scrutinize what was going on in the darkly lit scene but the point was made very clear.

"God, it must have sucked having sex back then." you mused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's not like people were casually hooking up all the time. You had to wait until you were married to some guy and even then, they'd probably be super disappointing in bed. But by the time you figured that out, you're locked in." You were talking with your hands now.

Tim wasn’t really used to talking about the topic of sex with you. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond. "Yeah, that probably sucked." Agreeing would probably be his best bet, he decided.

"Now, we have whole instruction manuals to show us the way." You poked at his side. You occasionally teased him about the sex ed tape he and his friends had made on prom night. Though you'd been there that night, watching doors with Tim while Eli and his actors were filming, you had tried not to get too involved with the actual crew. The whole prospect was way too awkward.

It's kind of weird, isn't it? You had said to Tim as you two stood outside a classroom door, guarding it. Your voice was hushed with a tinge of anxiety behind it.

What's weird?  He said vaguely. 

I dunno, it's weird that right behind us are two pornstars just...hanging out in our English class... Tim had let out a stifled snicker. You all would've done anything to help Matt and Danielle out. But that didn't mean it wasn't super uncomfortable.

"Oh yeah, like that taught you some actual techniques." Everyone knew how reserved you'd been in high school. No matter how informative the video was, you were set on being as prudish as possible. 

"That tape didn't teach me jack shit." You spat.

Tim scrunched up his face and shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't think it was that bad. It wouldn't be selling so well if it was complete nonsense, right?"

"I wouldn't know how much of it is or isn't nonsense." You mumbled, finally having gotten to the end of your teasing. And Tim now got what you were hinting at.

He scoffed and looked at you with a cheeky grin, “You haven’t watched the video?”

“Why would I?”

“I dunno, I thought you’d have seen it by now. Everyone has.”

“I’m not everyone.” You gave him a pointed look that kept him quietly fiddling with his fingers for a few seconds, deliberating on if the matter was worth questioning further.

His curiosity got the better of him, “Why haven’t you seen it?”

“Oh my god, Tim, why do you even care?” You exclaimed.

“Nothing, I was just wondering why you wouldn’t have watched it. You were there when we filmed it.”

“I left the room for a reason.” You said indignantly. Tim stared, brow furrowed. Your exit from the library on prom night had been quite dramatic. You had watched April's manicured nails run down Tim's bare thigh and heard her comment on how cute he was. You saw the ecstatic smile that crept across his face. The nervous little blush that grew just beneath where his oval glasses perched on his pert nose.

Before that moment, you hadn't considered yourself possessive over him. But the way his eyes lit up at the comment made you feel sick to your stomach. It made you wanted to storm across the room and kiss him right on his stupid lips. But you weren't that girl then. What chance did you stand with him when he could easily land a pornstar? So you spun on your heel and left the room, grumbling something about checking the hall for chaperones from the prom. You didn't even get back in the limo with the rest of them at the end of the night, instead opting to go home with one of your other friends from homeroom. Then you never talked about that night again.

Though you most certainly were the type of girl who would angrily kiss him just to prove a point now, the memory made you feel that same seed of insecurity and inadequacy fester inside you. But Tim was still staring expectantly, waiting for you to explain yourself.

“Because I’m not looking at your junk, Tim.” You couldn’t bear to let your eyes meet his.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” You hoped that would end the line of questions he was throwing at you.

A few beats of silence passed. The movie still played but neither of you were paying too much attention to it anymore. How had the conversation turned to this? He was suddenly wondering if he was so repulsive to you that just the thought of him being naked could throw off your usual teasing mood entirely.

He spoke again. “Why? Is there something wrong with it?”

You were annoyed now. If Tim knew what was good for him, he would've let the matter go entirely. “If I’ve never seen it, how could I think that there’s something wrong with it?” You said matter of factly through gritted teeth.

For a guy who was so smart, Timothy Klitz got in his own way quite often in these situations. He still wasn’t sure how to navigate a discussion like this. At some point, he’d have to stop feeling those butterflies in his stomach whenever sex or genitals were mentioned. But sometimes he still felt like he had about the same level of maturity as a pervy thirteen year old.

“Everybody says it’s big. Is that scary to some girls?” He wasn't trying to brag about it, honestly. But if there was something wrong with his size, he was sure you'd tell him about it. You typically weren’t afraid to be blunt about things.

“Oh, fuck off.” You didn’t need to be reminded of what people said about him. You being one of the handful of people who knew that it was his dick being described as “The Meat Rocket 3000” was life ruining. Of course you’d had a crush on Tim for years. Ever since the moment he’d nervously asked if you had a spare pencil during Algebra class in freshman year, you were head over heels for the gangly little nerd. He had a way of awkwardly nudging his way to your heart. Having any sort of awareness or perception of his dick made being his friend absolutely miserable. It was so much easier when you were pretending he was a featureless Ken doll down there.

“What?”

“You’re such an asshole.” You rolled your eyes and began to shake your leg, the anxiety setting in. This conversation was getting too personal for your liking.

“I’m just stating a fact!” He threw his hands up in defense.

An idea popped into your head. Maybe now he would shut up. “Think about it this way: imagine if you were watching a tape where someone was groping my tits. You’d never be able to look at me the same way.”

He absolutely could not think about it that way. Because the idea made him almost painfully hard. Fuck, he’d thought about groping your tits (and all your other parts) many times over. Mostly while he was jerking off or if you sat too close to him on a movie night or if you looked up at him through your lashes. Almost anything could get him going, if he thought about it for too long. He tried to casually hide his erection with the pillow under his arm, hoping and praying to every deity possible that you hadn’t noticed it.

The room had gone deadly silent and you beat yourself up internally. Even as the movie's monster, dripping with thick, sticky blood engulfed the couple in the car, Tim was all clammed up. No theatrical gagging or jokes. You shouldn’t have even said it. Now he was picturing your tits and it made things too weird. You guys had been friends for so long that he probably saw you as an annoying sister at this point. And no one wants to imagine their sister's tits no matter how big and squishy they might be.

“Tim?” You asked.

“Huh?” His voice cracked like he was going through puberty again.

“You got really quiet...” Crickets. “I didn’t make it weird, did I?”

“No! Of course not. It’s not weird at all.”

“Then why does your face look like that?” His eyes were fixed straight ahead of him and his lips formed a thin line. He looked like he wanted the couch to engulf him entirely. But it was the crimson blush that had spread over his almost pained expression that sent red flags up in your mind. 

He cleared his throat and straightened his posture, “This is how my face always is.”

“Shut up, I know what your stupid face normally looks like.” You quipped back.

“Your face is stupid…” He muttered.

“You’re gonna make fun of me now?” You needed a way to escape the awkward conversation and loosen him up again. You needed to convince yourself that Timothy Klitz was just your friend and would always be just that.

“You started it!” His voice raised a little, sensing the challenge laced into the edge of your words. You both picked on each other like this. It kept up the illusion that you two weren't hilariously and tragically in love with each other.

“Oh, I’ll start something.” You pounced at Tim’s side where you knew he was most ticklish.

Tim’s eyes went wide. He couldn’t even let himself laugh when you nearly tackled him flat on his back. With your knees planted on either side of his thighs, he was on the edge of hyperventilating knowing that the impact was imminent. If you moved any closer, his hard dick was going to be touching your crotch and everything was going to be a fucking mess. And before he could push you off, it was happening.

“Whoa, what the fuck?” You flew back as if he had the plague and pressed against the armrest on the other side of the couch. He sat up quickly and covered himself with his arms. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” His voice went high pitched. God, you were going to hate him forever.

“Oh my god. How long have you had that going on?” You tried to let out a laugh but it came awkwardly.

“A minute or so…”

You replayed the past few minutes over. Maybe it was the movie? The kissing couldn't have been that suggestive. You couldn't even see anything that well. Besides, that was a while ago. It couldn't be...was it? Your eyes went wide, realizing what got him so worked up. And his avoidant gaze only confirmed your suspicion. He had gotten hard thinking about you. The thought excited you more than you could’ve dreamed.

He felt so guilty. Not even the humiliation rushing through him could make the erection go away; at the worst possible moment of his life, it was proving to stand the test of time. You were going to think he was such a freak now. You’d stop going to his dorm and you’d never look back. Who wanted a friend who imagined them naked and popped boners at the thought? But against his judgment, you were creeping forward again and making a home between his legs. He watched as your hand extended towards one of his, currently shielding you from the single most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him.

“What are you doing?” He questioned.

“Just give me your hand.” Your voice was hushed and a little shaky.

Tim stalled. What you had planned for him he couldn't have predicted. You couldn't have possibly been enjoying this. Your worried expression indicated to him that you would rather be anywhere else.

You started over with a slow breath. He was overwhelmed, obviously. But you had to at least try to keep going. “You trust me, right?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“Then give me your hand, please,” He couldn’t tell if you were annoyed at him or…begging?

His hand shook a little as you took it and gently moved it towards your lower half. You guided him until his hand disappeared beneath your skirt and the pads of his fingers were pressed against your underwear. Your underwear, already soaked with slick. The groan he let out made his own cheeks go red hot. You continued to brush his fingers back and forth against your clothed heat and took sharp breaths, your eyes fluttered closed. He was losing his mind seeing how you were using him like this. This couldn't be real. Call the coroner, because he must have died and gone to heaven. Here lies Timothy Klitz, he couldn’t handle touching a vagina.

Your voice was a little higher now. “That’s why I didn’t wanna look at your junk.”

“Oh, shit.” He moaned.

“Yeah. Shit.” You gasped a little as he absentmindedly kept his hand against you.

“What do we do now?”

“I mean…I got you started…I’m sure we could figure it out.” Your finger teased the edge of the collar on his button up shirt. Your face had gotten so much closer to his. Your warm breath was fanning across his cheek and before he could fully process it, you were peppering small kisses along his jaw. When did you get this alluring? Tim could feel himself practically melting at your needy touch. But he had to have more.

Tim turned his head to the side to capture your lips with his. It started sweet with his glasses slightly fogging up. The kiss quickly became feverish when you mounted his hips once more, hovering over his bulge. When your tongue entered his mouth, he knew for sure he was a goner. This time he was desperate for you to touch him again. He whined into your mouth, clearly frustrated over the contact that you were just dangling in front of him. 

In a brave move, he laid his hands on either side of your thighs and pushed you down onto his lap. Immediately and with a soft gasp of your own, you ground into him and began unbuttoning his shirt quickly. His pale chest now exposed, you ran a tentative hand along one of his pebbled nipples. He laid his head back and you went for the kill, sucking on his bobbing Adam’s apple and leaving more kisses along his long neck. This was the sort of moment you had been stopping yourself from picturing for years. 

“God, Tim, you’re so pretty.” You whispered against his skin. That snapped him out of his daze pretty quickly.

“Can I touch your boobs?” He asked in the most nonchalant inflection he could muster.

You almost laughed at his tone. His hardening length proved he was anything but uninterested in this position. In your first few months of college you'd already become acquainted with a handful of college guys who didn't ask what they could do. They just did it in the heat of the moment while pressing you against a wall in some dorm hallway. But Tim had always been faint of heart, only diving into something headfirst if his friends were doing it too. Then again, you'd both changed a lot since starting college.

"You can do anything that you want to me." You finally replied.

He was certain he was dreaming now. You had been such a puritan and now you were letting him do whatever his filthy heart desired? He decided that if there was a god, they must really be looking out for him. 

Your oversized t-shirt had hidden your chest's true form, but now that Tim was tugging it over your head and tossing it away, he couldn't ignore how pretty they were. Your tits hung just perfectly on you, soft and waiting to be played with by him. He cupped one gently, circling the nipple with his long finger. It wasn't the first time he'd felt a boob, but this was different. 

Right behind that boob was your heart. And yours was a heart that he had fallen so hard for. You were so smart and knew just how to make him laugh. You watched every dumb documentary he wanted to watch with him. Even back in high school you would be in his room, sticking out the late study nights, determined to get into the same school together. Through everything, you'd been right there making him feel like he was cool enough to be around a girl like you.

He couldn't keep his cool anymore. "Fuck, I like you so much." He sobbed as he kneaded your tit in his hand.

You smiled and tilted your head, "You do?"

With his eyebrows pinched together, he was practically glowing, finally being able to say it to you, "Of fucking course I do. You're so cool that I can't believe you'd pay any attention to me. I-I'm just some guy."

Your heart was soaring. You'd always kind of hated the idea of him seeing you in a purely sexual light. With the way Eli watched porn like they were Sunday morning cartoons, you figured that mentality had to have leaked into Tim's own mind. Despite being good friends with Tim, Eli, and Matt, there was always a layer of removal between them and you. And you liked it that way.

As the token girl of the group, you had heard plenty of your old classmates gossip over which one of your nerdy friends was going to end up banging you. You were a tough nut to crack and wouldn't fold to any guy who would give you the time of day. So the school populace decided that the nerds you hung out with on a daily basis were the most likely to bag you before graduation. But you made sure to prove all of their bets wrong.

"You're not just some guy.” You cradled the back of his head in your hands, combing your fingers through his long, fluffy hair, “Besides, you're my guy." Your words were pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He was flabbergasted that he hadn't cum yet. Not even when your hand went down to start undoing his khaki pants. But, fuck, his end was too close for comfort.

"Wait, I'm gonna cum." He stopped you quickly.

"Already?" This was so wickedly delightful. "I haven't even done anything."

"I know. But I haven't ever..." He trailed off. Despite you being not even an inch away from his dick, he wasn't quite sure how to tell you he hadn't had sex. Luckily, he didn't have to explain it.

You stopped dead in your tracks. "You're a virgin? I thought you lost it on prom night?"

"Oh, uhhh...no..." That was the second most embarrassing night of his life. April had told him he was cute. So of course he'd taken her home. Before now, that was the most attention he'd ever gotten from a girl. 

But when they actually got inside, it took about twenty seconds into her giving him a hand job before he came. April explained that it was natural, especially for a guy so new to the whole game. And while he appreciated her reassuring personality, he was so crushed that it killed any arousal he'd had left in him. He didn't think he'd be a sex god, but with how often he jerked off he thought he'd be able to last longer than that.

Aside from all of that, you had looked so gorgeous that night in your glittery, floor length prom dress. The excessive eyeliner lining your waterline and eyelid was a little intense but quickly became more sultry when you were standing under the dim lights of the high school halls. He even found himself swooning when you kept tripping over your heels. It gave him an excuse to keep his palm on your hip the majority of the night. He concluded that night that that was as far as things would ever go. You'd both go off to college together and find different people and any idea of being with you would be long gone. But there you both were, at the precipice of a new chapter of your relationship.

"You're a virgin too, right?" he asked suddenly, sure that you would say yes and quell his nerves.

"Not exactly," You pursed your glossy lips.

"Shit, really?" You were pretty, yeah, and any guy would be stupid to not want you. But Tim hadn't expected you to have gotten around so quickly. Part of him still saw you as the girl who would shy away from allusions to sexuality.

You rolled your eyes. "It didn't really mean anything. Like my first few times were with Jason from Intro to Philosophy. But he never made me...finish?" Those had been disappointing times. You’d spent all of high school telling yourself you’d wait until college before letting a guy touch you. You were confident for some reason that college guys would be so much more mature about sex than any of your high school classmates. By now, you knew that you were very wrong.

Tim vaguely remembered you talking about a cute guy with that name. He'd been insanely jealous but had ignored the ugly feeling, convinced that nothing would come of your comments about him. You'd never pursued a guy like that before so why would you now? He wouldn't have guessed that the few nights you'd skipped out on movie night had been because Jason had been failing to make you cum. But of course Jason was just a clueless meathead who didn't think about your pleasure.

"I can try to make you finish." He said quickly, trying not to trip over the proposal.

"Tim, if it's gonna be your first time then I doubt you're going to make me-"

"I want to try. If I don't try, what kind of guy does that make me?"

You admired his sense of chivalry. What would be the harm in trying?

With your gentle, encouraging smile, Tim felt confident enough to let you keep undressing him. Butt naked on his own couch, he had never been more grateful that his roommates were party guys. There was no chance they'd be walking in on this. More exposed than ever, he was rock solid, cock bobbing against his abdomen.

The sight of him had your stomach doing backflips. You were so glad that this was his debut for you. His face had been covered in the tape. His throbbing cock paired much better with you being able to see his ruined expression, swollen lips parted in preparation. You grabbed a condom from your bag on the floor and ripped it open quickly. Tim was over the moon that it was you putting the condom on him this time.

When you pulled your panties aside and lowered onto him, the startling stretch made you hiss through your gritted teeth. You were sure he could split you in half just sitting there. Tim was right there with you, buried completely inside you, surrounded by your slick, silky walls. He wanted to move so badly but he knew he had to wait for you. You bounced once, testing the waters, your tits moving with you. When you landed again, you had to hold on tight to his button up shirt, still hanging off his shoulders.

Tim couldn't stay put, his hips were bucking up sloppily, thrusting impossibly deeper up into you. You got the hint and began to match his pace. You also came to learn very quickly that Tim was loud. He muttered a string of curses between low groans that bubbled in his throat. When the two of you were moving in harmony, he was seeing stars. For all of ten seconds after that, Tim was euphoric. Sweat dripped down his forehead under his bangs and it was just beginning to form on his upper lip too. Before he knew it, his climax culminated in a massive shudder of pleasure that coursed throughout his whole body, making him hold onto your hips for dear life. The last of his energy was spent cumming inside of you.

As soon as he went still, the arousal that had been building in your abdomen withered away. You couldn't say you were disappointed in him. If anything, it made you kind of proud of yourself. After a few seconds of listening to him groaning, coming down from the high, you dismounted him and dropped back on the couch next to him. Your skirt had ridden up during the experience so you adjusted it and rested your head on his bare shoulder, a small smirk playing on your face.

"That was fucking great." He breathed out.

"I'm glad." You looked up at the side of his face and placed a quaint, loving kiss on his freckled shoulder.

He was silent for a little while longer until he looked over at you, "You came, right?"

You giggled, "No, silly. But it's fine, I didn't expect you to make me come our first time."

Tim shook his head quickly, "No, it's not fine. It's not." He wanted to be good at this. 

Theoretically, he had all the equipment needed to get the job done. His technique was...less than ideal. He didn't want to be like that flake, Jason, leaving you all high and dry. 

"Hey, you don't need to beat yourself up." You said reassuringly and massaged his shoulder. You were leaning down to pick up your discarded shirt when Tim started to kiss up your shoulder to the back of your neck.

"Put that down," He spoke huskily, taking the shirt from your hands, "You don't need that yet."

You reclined back and Tim refocused his attention to your collarbone, "What are you doing?" You asked breathily. His hands roamed greedily up your sides, feeling up every inch that he possibly could.

"I said I wanted to make you cum." He whispered into the crook of your neck, "I just might need your help doing that, though." As assertive as he sounded, you detected his lack of experience and the nerves behind the words.

"Okay," You replied quietly. 

Tim adjusted so his back was against the arm of the couch. He nodded towards your bottom half, "Can you take those off for me?" So you stood, sliding your panties and skirt down in one slow motion, the garments pooling on the carpet as you stared into his eyes. Tim just stared and swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

When you were done, he was motioning for you to sit between his legs. You followed his directions. Half hard again, you felt him press against your back. The sensation made you shiver a little. His mouth was giving light kisses on your shoulder and his long hair tickled the back of your neck.

"So, what do you want me to do?" He asked earnestly. He hoped that in your sexually active months on campus, you'd already discovered what you liked because he sure as hell didn't know what he was doing.

You thought back to his hand pressed against your heat and how divine his fingers had felt down there and blurted out, "Your hand. I want you to use your fingers” And then quickly tacked on, “Please."

He brought his hand around to your front, taking his time running his fingers down your abdomen until they were hovering over your cunt. You were on edge, just waiting for him to work some sort of magic on you. But you had to stay patient. You had to show him the ropes a bit. He was a novice in this area. So you placed your hand on top of his again, eager to be his guide to bringing you to your peak. You brought him to your folds, made him drag his fingers across them. 

You stopped right at the nub near the top, "Do you know what that is?" You asked faintly through a gasp.

Through his own volition, he flicked a fingertip over the bundle of nerves with the tips of his fingers, making you twitch a little in his arms. Making that sex ed tape had taught him just enough. 

"The clitoris?" He answered, all too happy knowing that he was right. He felt you nod against his shoulder.

"Then that means..." He trailed off and separated from your grasp, bringing his fingers back to your folds. He slipped one between them, covering it in your slick. The muscles in your cunt quivered, looking to clench around something substantial. Before any arousal could blossom there, he pulled his finger out and looked at the digit, glistening in the light.

"Oh, fuck yeah," he said under his breath with the smallest smile forming across his face.

Your frustrated voice broke his fascination. "Tim, baby, I know you're having fun right now but I really need you to do something now." The desperation dripping from the sentence made him more proud of himself than apologetic.

"Oh, yeah, shit. Sorry." He muttered. You managed a little giggle despite how exasperated he was making you. It was kind of cute, especially when you compared it to your other sexual encounters. He was such a dork. But he's your dork now.

You couldn't have imagined his long, thin fingers feeling so comforting. You hummed contently as you felt the flame deep within you begin to grow. When he got two fingers in, it wasn't quite as filling as his impressive length. But it would still work. As long as he kept pumping steadily the way he was, you had a one way ticket to cumming all over his fingers.

"Faster, please," You requested, your hips bucked into his movements, trying to get him deeper as his fingers barely brushed against your g-spot. He willingly obliged, quickening his pace, taking your whines to mean he was doing something right. But he still felt something was missing. He swallowed hard, hoping he wouldn't fuck up his rhythm as he took his thumb and started to rub rough circles around your clit. To his surprise, the contact made you throw your head back onto his shoulder and arch against his chest.

You gasped, "Oh, Klitzy, fuck, right there," For years you'd refused to call him by his last name like all his friends did. At one point, the nickname left you feeling uneasy, almost a mockery of how you felt about him. But now it seemed fitting. After all, that was the spot he was hitting with his thumb right then.

A shameless grin had formed on Tim’s flushed face as you sputtered bits of praise and curses at him. He was sure you were close when your voice broke. Never in all his life did he think he could have this sort of effect on someone. But, god, it left him knowing that it was you in his lap.

Your impending orgasm had your vision going white and fuzzy at the edges. You clenched your jaw, working through the intense impact that had your hips spasming against Tim’s thighs. You loved him. As you let out a final cry, you realized it fully.

All Tim could think about was how much he was enjoying all this. The scent of your perfume on your neck and sweat forming on your heated figure. The sight of your mouth gaping open, unable to hold back the strangled sounds of your pleasure. The filthy sound of his fingers moving in and out with that undeniable squelch. The feeling of your legs jittering against his and your cunt squeezing around his fingers as you released all the pent up friction. He would gladly do this all day if you would let him.

He slowly worked you through the aftershocks of your climax by languidly massaging your slit with his slick fingers. You were humming quietly, now sunken into the lazy tranquility of Tim's presence, occasionally jolting when he stimulated you too much. You felt boneless in his arms. This was paradise, you were convinced.

"Did I do good?" The question was quiet but brimming with delight in your ear. Like he knew the answer but was hesitant to let himself believe it.

You tipped your head a little further, realizing how much you'd slunk down in his grasp. "You've got to be kidding me." You exhaled heavily and shook your head.

"What?"

"You just want me to say you did good?" Your nose scrunched up.

"It would be nice to hear." He said hopefully.

You turned around to face him, resting shakily on your knees. "Tim, you did better than I ever could've imagined."

"Your imagination must be pretty boring then." He snickered.

"You idiot, just take the compliment." You cupped his cheeks with your hands and kissed him tenderly before he could give another smart ass response.

"Sorry I couldn't make you cum the first time." He apologized when you parted from him.

You simply laughed and bit your lip teasingly. "Maybe next time, Meat Rocket 3000."

[woomycritiques543]

Stella’s evil just because-

Which is cool for a villain and all, but it should still make sense in the story and in a cartoon about “depth” (only for men apparently though.) should have a reward that makes sense with the character!

That bully from Barnyard wanted to tip a cow to be a jerk, but we got why and what reward he got from it: The cow getting tipped over!

The coyotes in the movie, wanted to eat the chickens because they were hungry! There, evil for the sake of the plot, but makes sense as we are seen this from the perspective of the prey who see them as “evil” for wanting to eat their freinds and family!

So even “evil just because” needs a “reward” for what they do- but that just means that there still needs a motivation involved for your character to be more than a plot device who just forces conflict for no reason other than for there to be conflict! Which could be "fine", if Stella had a actual personality and not just "Bird Karen!" and said conflict had a reason to exist that made sense.

But that would still need a motivation of sorts!

What’s Stella’s motivation here?

She’s mad at him for cheating, but how is she “evil” for that? She’s a racist, but clearly wants nothing to do with Stolas and constantly ranted about how she wanted to leave him?

Is it for money, power, is the cheating a cover up for her real motivations? If so, why not imply that from the very beginning instead of wasting our time over ship fuel? Why not make the female characters actual characters with end goals and personalities instead of plot tools who are only meant to be randomly mad at the main characters with no personality other than “spiteful”, “murderous”? “suck ups to men” or “slutty” ?

It’s such wasted potential for a potentially good villain! The most we got for a girl was a goddamn parking space, but she’s a celebrity, why not go VIP and go somewhere else where she doesn’t have to deal with her shitty ex boyfriend? The don’t even show the situation as desperate either, there are likely millions of parking spaces in somewhere as multi layered as Hell! For the coyotes in Barnyard, they were called “desperate” heavily implying that food was hard to find in the area and they needed food since they’re so skinny (yes, a character that’s extremely skinny but it makes sense with the story rather than to be fetish fuel.)

Now that I think about it… if Stolas was “trying” and Season Two wasn’t his fault, how did Octavia escape? Hell- if he has a “excellent memory” how come he only remembered a single spell despite being in his thirties? How come the episode never addresses the fact that he wasnt watching over her and despite “trying” like Loona, someone who’s never even met him before and hates her own Dad said and does not consider her own Dad outside of getting what she wants out of him and other people (she cared about Millie once, but that was just for plot convenience to make her inconsistent to make everything else look "better" than it actually is.) The “uwu she just doesn’t know how to love!” isnt an excuse since the people defending her interpretation dont even want her to change anyway, neither do the writers since they laugh at her “grateful” abuse of her “trying” father and dont care about how the situation ends up since they’re going to treat the abuse “as” the joke the entire time till she randomly develops for plot convenience-

Yet Octavia “cant” be mad at her own dad (because “lol being mad is only justified if its abuse, especially from a man!” to this show for some reason) while in the actual episode, Stolas was not “trying” but just yelling at Stella and neglecting Via’s emotional needs like he did in Ep 2 and wasted hours getting off to Blitz again, and AGAIN only used his daughter to manipulate Blitz into letting him sexually exploit him- AGAIN! Proving again that theres no character growth in this show since it keeps backpeddling on itself since the writers dont actually care and- WAIT!

How did they even make another portal to Earth, there’s no book and Stolas said that he doesnt remember his spells without it besides transformation? For himself? Despite having an “excellent memory?” and remembering something from over 30 years ago despite the “phone number” point (which is actually a really gross “Joke” if you remember that Blitz is clearly ADHD coded.) If they can just teleport without the book- what was even the point of episode two of Season Two and wanting to find the book and why cant Stolas just teleport to Octavia like he did with Blitz in ep 6- Hell! Since he was able to see that Blitz was in trouble in Ep 6 why cant he see where Octavia is with ease since he’s the same Goetia that can freeze people and multiple spells without the book so why does he happened not have those spellls specifically for this situation and what’s point of the Striker episode if he has all his powers back now and-

WHAT??? HUH?????? HOW????

It makes Stolas come off as exploitive, hypocritical, and lazy (-when his own daughter is in danger! Cant he ask another family member? He’s clearly not the only one with magic here!) if anything.

But back to what I was saying-

Verosika was just there to be a jerk for something she could never get anything out of as a millionaire celebrity. All over a parking space she could have easily moved away from or killed someone else to get another parkint space since she’s in goddamn Hell- Why would a demon like her care about playing things “fair” anyway, especially in a world where murder is legal and almost no one cares if some stranger dies in their world?

Stella’s getting nothing out of it. What happens if she wins? Stolas dies and she just casually walks off into the background as if Stolas never existed? No money, no fame, no motivation- how boring is that?! She's just a mindless drone meant to kill Stolas and be a jerk for plot convience. That's the problem with Stella's character- not that she doesnt "have a reason" but that she HAS NO CHARACTER outside of just wanting to kill Stolas and hate on him.

So really, in anything where there’s a ongoing plot, you still need a character motivation for your villain and not just “evil to be evil to ______ just because” or some kind of end goal or your plot falls apart at the seams.

That’s the issue with Helluva Boss.

The story? There is none, its just random things happening with no actual conclusion or development from anyone.

The characters? Don’t develop, and the creators don’t actually want them to either as they like the way they are now!

It’s a “nothing” story just there to fill the gaps for the walking sex joke caricatures of the show to give the illusion of depth by giving them random “sad backstories!” or having some random “sad” things happen with no end goal or character development since everything goes back to the beginning besides there being new characters. Its ground hog day but with demons and no Spring.

“Things sure do happen!” Ok Viv, but why waste your time by shoving in these random backstories? Why not make it a “office based” office comedy? -and if you wanted characters you could own- why green-light Hazbin instead of making it independent and save Helluva Boss for later so you dont put too much work on yourself for a show with no actual story to tell besides “plot filled” episodes that go nowhere since no one there grows and is just there to shove in all your fetishes with the illusion of a “plot” by shoving in random backstories, stories and lore with little sense behind it but isn’t confident enough in itself to actually be pornagraphy because “fuck forbid!” that porn receives any respect from the mainstream public and actually has a story- when there are many porns with much more story and character motivation than this ever will and you just wanted a vanity project to rub your own ego to critics and have your “character” cake without going any deeper than the frosting!

There’s no- POINT! To anything here!

Helluva Boss is just softcore fetish porn with incredilbly vague theory bait on it as nothing really happensy since everything reverses whenever the conflict is solved with no development or true resolution and it makes it feel so pointless story wise. -and damn does it make me a bit worried about how Hazbin will turn out.

a

Seen the few sneak peaks of some upcoming episodes of HB. We might meet Moxxie’s family (mainly his father). Sorry if I’m being nitpicky, but I was kinda expecting his father to be a little bit different from his son, as well as have a different voice. It’s like he’s a literal clone of Moxxie but slightly taller with a deeper and cunning tone in his voice. And from what I’ve heard, he’s supposed to be a mobster or just apart of some kind of dangerous gang (correct me if I’m wrong). So yeah, I think his appearance should be a little bit different, more tough if anything.

Blitzo stays an a**hole to his co-workers I see. Even after that DeEp and HeArTwArMiNg conversation, he had with Moxxie back in season 1 ep 6 (Which didn’t hit deep at all). You think that after he humiliated himself in episode 7, he’d dial it back with his behavior. But I guess Viv can’t have a comedy without someone unnecessarily being a jerk.

We finally get to hear Andre’s voice. He actually sounded exactly how I imagined; almost deep and haughty. I guess it’s made clear that he and Stella have a good relationship. I’ve seen some comics that show that Andre was possibly very mean to Stella during her childhood which probably would explain her behavior and why she acts so cynically. 

He and Stella are having a discussion with Stolas, and Andre brings up that Stella deserves something since Stolas cheated on her?? Which makes no sense to me?? Cuz, yes, Stolas did cheat, but why would Stella even care?!! The show already made it clear that she never even liked Stolas from the start. She didn’t even like being married to him and was only throwing fits and getting him killed simply because she was petty and liked tormenting him. What exactly does Andre and Stella hope to gain from this anyway? Neither of these two even out-rank Stolas. And what exactly has the divorce done that caused any harm to the Goetia’s. When Stella confronted Stolas, she made it seem like the divorce was gonna be a huge issue, but as far as I know… it did nothing. And they already had Octavia who’s in her late-teens, so what’s the threat here??

If they’re gonna keep bringing up the cheating, then maybe they shouldn’t have retconned Stella as a character and kept it to where she is only pissed about the affair. Maybe not have her be an evil b*tch since birth and hate Stolas for whatever reason?

Idk man!! Make it make sense!!!

We also finally get to see Barbie, Blitzo’s sister. I thought those two had a decent sibling relationship as most of us did, but it turns out… those two had a falling out as well. Barbie says, and I quote “Come on, Blitzo! Haven’t you f*cked up my life enough already??”

Jeezus!! Another one?? 

First, it was Fizz, then Verosika, and now his own sister!!? I mean, it’s expected, cuz Blitzo is an a** and he definitely deserves it, but is he seriously that much of a bad influence he screwed up his own sister’s life? Like, is she just over-exaggerating it?? What did he do that was so screwed up, she started to despise him? Hopefully, she won’t be like Verosika or even Stella; just straight-up petty and b*tchy for no reason. I know I’m wrong though.

Also, I see that she and Moxxie are fighting… wonder what that’s about. Probably something dumb.

And I also see that Blitzo and Fizz are having a talk. Not sure what it’s about. It was only a few seconds of Fizz talking. But from what I can assume, they might be discussing their relationship as friends (or ex-friends), maybe having a slight argument? Don’t know if those two are ever gonna reconcile in the end. All I know is that this kind of arc should’ve been explored way before we got into Stolas’s backstory with Blitzo (which we clearly don’t give the slightest sh*t about.) What happened with Fizz and Blitzo that caused the two to split up seems way more interesting than how Stolas and Blitzo met.

Here’s another thing that caught my eye (and y’all this one’s my favorite to laugh at). Stolas is shown being kidnapped by Striker, tied up n all, and even stabbed with a dagger!?

…….

I’m sorry, but are we just gonna forget that Stolas is a POWERFUL FREAKIN’ DEMON??? The same guy that can do this -

And this -

And even turn into THIS -

….. Like, are we sure he’s more powerful than Alastor??? What’s the point of him being a powerful demon prince if all he’s useful for is being a damsel in distress??? Less than 3 times Stolas is shown to be powerful when the plot says so, which is almost NEVER!!! It’s irritating!

Ugh! I just know I’m gonna go through hell watching this (no pun intended). And I’ve already seen the last few recent leaks to these episodes. This just adds on to the ridiculous bull.