#considering i dont really drink anymore those spaces feel different to me now and im more anxious

[emergingghost]

i want to try going to punk etc. shows but the only places in my town that do live music give me the creeps a bit. like there are some bars and venues that do local and touring live music and its sort of an 'alt' scene but theyre very drug heavy spaces and i feel ~~unsafe~~ whenever i've been

[emmanessance]

send me a fruit peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos? yeah i have a tattoo of saturn. its blue & i was gonna add red to make it old-school 3d but it hurt too badly since it was a stick n poke. i dont love it but i dont dislike it raspberry: favorite flower? um like all of them lol. im really fond of wildflowers right now like poppies & forget-me-nots. but also i love catmint bc i have a bunch of those and there are ALWAYS bees & other insects on them lemon: do you have any pets? what are their names? yeah i have a dog named sampson, a cat named sophie, a hamster named Rufus T. Barleysheath and a horse name Winchester (i hate that name so we call him chester for short). also this hurt to type bc we're at a very low number of pets right now & its really sad :(( also we just had to put my bunny down so it was weird not including him :// but his name was bongo mango: what is your trademark? idk what this really means but assuming its what i say often it would be "amazing" but it has a specific inflection that i cant describe online lol passion fruit: how would you describe your style? uh right now its changing but before it was lots of anthropologie & some uo?? idk i just had a very bold & expensive style ig lol. now its becoming slightly more instagoth & im buying more uo items & thrifting a little more often pineapple: sexual orientation? agh idk anymore i identified as pan for years up until like a week ago but now i guess im questioning again strawberry: favorite desserts? ice cream cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing? yeah i can play the piano, trombone, & ukulele, but im really not a fan of playing instruments & i dont really play them anymore grape: if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go? right now i'd love to go to sweden, scotland, ireland, australia, somewhere in africa idk where, russia, or the north pole lmaooo. if i had to chose one place though id probably pick australia bc i wanna see the great reef before it dies completely banana: favorite horror movies? i just saw scream & really enjoyed it. idk though i find most horror movies are really bad & not scary in the slightest :// blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama? uh whats the one where the main character is constantly confused & has a lot of unaddressed problems but is trying her best to work towards a bright future pomegranate: when do you feel the most confident? when im dressed to go out cantaloupe: what are your parents' names? andrew & jill guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup? um natural makeup but im trying to get into bright & creative makeup tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be? a mermaid lmao i always wanted to be one as a child plum: favorite clothing brands? anthropologie, american apparel (rip), & urban outfitters coconut: favorite perfume? happ & stahns, whatever their pink bottle is lychee: satin or lace? lace blueberry: what do you want to dress up as for halloween? im thinkin i wanna go back to one ive done like a witch. or maybe ill try somethin new and be a watermelon. but also im not a fan of dressing up as something for halloween apple: what do you use more, tumblr or twitter? tumblr kiwi: what's something that fascinates you? planes & bees & biology & memory & the human brain & just humans themselves actually watermelon: do you have a job? if so, what is your job title? no job :// i want one, but im very picky & also im only 15 so i cant get one for another 3 (?) weeks papaya: what song describes your aesthetic? this is really hard but im probably gonna have to say space song by beach house cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night? dusk for sure bitchhhh god i fuckin love it nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person? no, just an emotionally confused person lol orange: do you have long eyelashes? nah theyre average, not short though apricot: what do you do when you're sad? if its depressed sad i go to my room & surf the internet & listen to music or watch tv & sometimes paint or journal & also i drown myself in dr pepper & starve myself & stay up all night. if its a different kind of sad then idk ig i just get over it really fast star fruit: favorite sea creature? those little tiny crab things that wash up on the beach & bury themselves in the sand really fast so you cant grab them. i forgot what theyre called but i think it starts with an M & also their shells are all over the beach dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol? yeah

[charmerofbees]

im bored at lunch and doing this bye

WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Elaine ******* ********* who tf puts their whole name on the internet??

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Laine, Lainey, Eli

3. BIRTHDAY? Feb 27

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES?  Um Lady of the rivers/white queen/red queen/white princess by phillipa gregory

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? both absolutely

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? tom robbins and david sedaris and toni morrison. a lot more but those are top three that are drastically different

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? the only one i listen to is a local alt rock, other than that i listen to my own perfectly curated spotify playlists 

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? uhhh lavender or salt n vinegar lmao

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? abso fab

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? deadcrush by alt j

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? reveille

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? cornflake girl - florence and the machine cover

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH?

MAD MEN even tho matthew weiner die, schitts creek, the office only bc you wont get any memes if you dont, SHARP OBJECTS SHARP OBJECTS SHARP OBJECTS and also the sinner season 1

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN?  when harry met sally

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? just the sims and when im with my friends ill play what they play

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? a stranger breaking in to my house or like a ghost idk

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i dont judge anyone bc i just dont care what other people do as long as its not harming others. so ive been told im a good person to confide in

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? for sureeeee my need to be right at all times

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? my cat is the best living creature, but other than him, dogs

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer i need to feel the sun radiating my bones to feel alive

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? abso not

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? my childood dog and no bills

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? her name is hailey, my sister and i met her when i was 5 and they were 6 and we’ve been inseparable ever since

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? ash blonde

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my sister

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my sister and all of my friends

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my 12 year old half brother

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? get to go to baltimore this weekend for a museum trip

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? honestly rn sims 4...its like therapy for me lmao. and my cat. 

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? i barely watched tv as a child....probs the wild thornberries

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my other best friends john and tyler. we’ve been friends for 16 years 

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? yeah catch me practicing all safeguards 

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? misophobia/phonia

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? either idc

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? not really a hobbie but im v passionate about tarot cards. and i do yoga every morning

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? their eyes were watching god

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? when harry met sally 

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? used to play piano but i stopped in high school

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? dogs

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? thestateonmtv, theocseason4, thehauntedmansion2003....idk any more i check those 3 a lot bc theyre good comic relief

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? invisibility

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? i loooove my room. also a small abandoned beach called claiborne.

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? anything my idiot cat does, tv shows, when i mreally depressed i listen to my brother my brother and me because its mindless

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i mean i played volleyball for 3 years BUT i did ballet and modern dance (w some jazz sometimes) for 16 years so that took up almost all of my free time

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? water, green apple kombucha, an oatmilk latte

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? today on a birthday card

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? a little

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? when ppl chew loud it makes me wanna die. 

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? omg tons are you for real lmao

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? uhhh a weird mix of no dairy and no meat but i eat seafood? bc im on the east coast in maryland so you basically have to here

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a lot of things

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? shiiiit idk

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? the future

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? yep

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yes but im not great at it despite having like 10 years training lmao

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? in high school i skipped like 50 days a year lmao. in college i was better but def used all of my sick days

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? the beach, or st andrews by the sea in new brunswick

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? summer in st andrews by the sea, somewhere warm and beachy the rest of the time

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? my cat, and at my moms house another cat and a dog, my dad has a dog a horse and a raccoon (?) but i dont go there alot

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? i guess early bird but i love sleep

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? yes 

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? for six years i hated my life

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? alternative and classic rock. also i love jazz and blues

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? i dont have one

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? i loved the archie comics as a child...thats why i unabashadly love riverdale

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? close minded people

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? a real book

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? art history in college, english in high school

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? 2 step brothers, 2 ex step brothers (Were still close), a full sister, and a half brother

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? a latte maker and hair dye

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5’ 9″

75. CAN YOU COOK? yes but i hate cleaning pots

76. WHAT ARE THREE FOUR THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? my cat, lattes, music, my bed

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? uhhhh idk 

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? almost an even split

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i dont really label myself but its definitely fluid

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? maryland

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? one of my group chats

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? ugh on monday in therapy

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? i dont really have one

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? almost never

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? uhhh instagram and huji

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? yikes lets not lol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? mmmm spanish or like...portugese

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? mykonos 

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 86

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? no

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? no

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? deep ocean bc its like... right there

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? for like 2 years i would accept any dare anyone gave me....until i jumped off a bridge and cracked my ankle. so not anymore haha

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? an ingredient in contacts and pink eye medication

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? no

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? no

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? if im actually wrong i will

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Beach

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? no one is thinking about/judging you as much as you think they are

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? yes but i dont use it often

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? uh idk or care tbh 

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? very infrequently

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? god the most introverted

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? i loosely keep a tarot journal

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends on the situation but almost always, no

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? return it

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? sure

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? yes

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yeah its so weird to me that some people have been haha

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? SO when i turned 18 i got lik 7 extra piercings on my ears...they all closed up so now i have my OG two

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? anna karenina i think wed be friends

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? staying home for a year and going to community college when my step dad was dying

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes totally

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? yes 3 girls

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my friend kenna

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? why the fuck would i say it here

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yes bc of anxiety

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? love ‘em

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? yes 

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 23

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE?  “unable to perceive the shape of you, i find you all around me. your presence fills my eyes with your love. it humbles my heart, for you are everywhere” from the shape of water

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory but i love a good fruit

[in-paradox-space]

i didnt really spell or read through this

i just typed what i was thinking

and maybe ill read it again in a few years

you dont have to. 

you wont really get anything out of it

so this is my blog and i just wanted to post this somewhere

i met a girl last night

and I quite like her

i feel an infatuation for her, even now

she left at 8am, i didnt hug her before she left i mumbled a goodbye

it was pretty shallow

its been 15 hours since then.

its sad to think ill eventually move on.

i dont know why, i didnt expect I would, but i do really like her

and these are really basic feelings

a scenario everybody is in

i feel like i should acknowledge this should be embarrassing for me

to feel such basic mainstream feelings

but why should that be embarrassing 

am I above anybody else who feels basic feelings for situations we all end up in?

these feelings have been let out countless times, every single day, by countless masses

why should I bother to say the same things as everybody else in slightly different words?

I can’t stop thinking about her

I think she already has somebody

I don’t think she’s into me

far from it

she did some coce but I dont really touch it 

I feel like if I do it once the seal will be broken 

and I’ll end up throwing my money away and buying coce for everybody to share

I don’t even feel like it should be spelled that way. ‘Coke’ feels more natural. 

I’d really like it if she liked me. 

but I’ve felt that way about girls before

when I realize they do like me, I kind of back off and avoid them

this is probably the best relationship we will ever have

me seeing her maybe once every now and then whenever I destroy my brain cells with friends

just affectionately toying with the idea of me and her getting along

when im high with my friends, I can tell them all I love them and hug them 

and its cool

thats just what we all do, and we know its because were really high

but I couldnt do that with her

although I did only just meet her that night

I was very self aware around her

it would be nice if she didnt already have a boyfriend

and idk 

its not like i would want a relationship though

I know i would feel trapped within days

so why do I believe I want that before I get stuck into it?

shes depressed man

that will get annoying to me after a while

and she talks a lot

when the pedestal gets lower 

I will eventually be less and less interested in what she has to say

she will get clingy

and need more and more love 

I will have less and less to give

this is really fucking shallow

it will ultimately be bad

this is currently the best it will ever be

feeling affection from afar

unable to clear my mind of her

just hoping to be around her more

it feels much more warm and hopeful to want to be with her

if she expressed any interest in me, I’d lose my interest in her.

why is that?

Do I think of her as prey?

she shows flaws, but 

I want to say i dont see them as flaws

but what if I do 

im overthinking it too much

I told her to do some more ecstasy 

she didnt do much

she didnt want to and she was already doing coke

my other friend was doing everything, but hes just a machine

some organic mechanism which filters lethal drugs into nourishment

he never drinks water and eats maybe 4 slices of toast a day

i dont know how he does it but his skin is always glowing and he looks great

his health is pretty bad but hes been living this way for maybe 2 years

hes achieved unhuman things.

he also fucked her once

which may or may not have been in the air

and i think she didnt want to do any more ecstasy because she didnt want to be vulnerable 

and i think a part of me wanted her to be more susceptible 

it isnt really something I wanted to admit

I know that its really really easy to find this blog

not for friends and family

but it is generally easy to find it, and anybody can find it

but im not going to branch off into that

this is just where I try to be honest

and admit the things people would otherwise try not to admit to themselves

i cant remember how to describe it

but im working my way on a path to detach myself from my ego

i dont know if detatch or dissociate is the right word

im aware why i should still have an ego

but i just dont want my ego to take over who i am

i feel, if i have more control over my ego, i wont be as held back by self awareness and fear associated with my sense of self

this way there will be less things holding me back

because I look deep down at the source of a lot of my problems

and fear(or anxiety, which comes under fear anyway) is one of the sources of most or all of them

i dont have examples to mind right now

but being honest has generally helped me in many ways

now im trying to be more honest

to myself and to others, about myself

my true intentions for doing things

looking deep within and questioning if im really being honest with myself

how i truly feel

because really, ive realized, im trying to prove things even to myself

on a level of thought

its nice

different points in time are connected with different points in time and the spaces i was in in that time

and other components of the universe which are connected to those times

i dont know what those components are

subatomic thought and vibrations type shit

i should also point out i dont erase the things I type, as I type them

I just leave them there.

for authenticity or something along those lines

for the whole ego thing

and I feel a little better after letting this out here

because i no longer feel like im avoiding the thoughts of her

and ive said these things somewhere

so when im dead and gone, it will always be possible for humanity to know I thought these thoughts at some point

why is that comforting? 

I will be fine if we dont get together

i do hope there will be less awkward tension though

my friends, who invited her over, made it out like she was trying to get us together 

and that made me sort of nervous 

and then i think somewhere along the way, she didnt want that

and why would she? she has no idea who i am 

and idk man, shits awkward

they told her i said she was cute, when they was inviting her

but like, I never saw her until i met her

so that was a lie

and  i think that just added to the tension

and i think they suggested we hookup as a one night stand 

and i think we was both really uncomfortable with that idea

and worrying about if the other person wanted that or really didnt want that

fuckin

it is awkward

but i dont really mind right now 

as she came down from the coke

we lay in bed at 7am

very sleepily talking about anything

we watched a show 

its very irrational, i think it stems from paranoia but im not going to mention the specific shows and shit

it also doesnt feel irrational in my head

its not worth questioning anymore

i was slowly starting to hear the pleasant voices and feel the regret accompanied with ecstasy comedowns

we spoke about music 

jazz

i dont know a fucking thing about jazz but i do like it

because i know how much it influences other genres

the same way hiphop and rock influence other genres

and i like how its less about the specific timings and keys

more about feeling as you play

it could be an illusion but i think you can feel that in a lot of similar music

and she was edging towards doing another key

but she had to be sober for something later that day

its still unbelievable people spend that much on coke

is it worth it? 

its hard to tell

it lasted quite long considering there was 3 using it and how much they spent

but if they did it regularly it probably wouldnt have been so great

and she seemed to feel worse and worse

more, just unhappy as the morning went on 

and there was some awkwardness between us 

but it still felt nice to be around her

and again

this is really fucking shallow

it would be nice if they didnt try to set us up with each other

i think we couldve chilled with less tension

and MD makes me very paranoid

whenever im in another room i feel like theyre saying my name when theyre talking to each other

and its unlikely they are

but what if they 

theres always that chance

i think it will be nice to see her again, but start the night at the same time

without being fuckfaced

and know each other as friends

and just be able to hang out

and yeah, whether i do or dont lose interest

both ways will work out fine if we can get along

because she was pretty chill 

and when im high, or coming down and irritable

i think ill happily listen to her talk for hours and hours

we can play more games together

i can see how everything goes with her

maybe we will talk about this one night

and finally know what we was both thinking

i do care what she was thinking

i dont know if she was interested in what i was thinking

she did have some flaws

so does everyone

those flaws would eventually make me unhappy in a relationship 

id eventually be unhappy in a relationship with anybody

but maybe when were high we can do some regretful shit

if she did have a boyfriend

i think i heard she did at one point but it wasnt really confirmed

i hope that shit goes well

theyre probably more suited for each other

and i dont know what this is

or why at all im interested in her

i just never never ever ever am around girls now that i think about it

the last time I was around a girl was stupidly long ago

I dont even think it was 2017

and that day i didnt spend the whole day alone with her

ive basically been with guys this whole time

or just nobody

ive spent stupidly long amounts of times just alone, or with my dad

because i moved to the middle of nowhere for a while

i was only with my dad and his thot gf

i genuinely dont remember the last time i spent a day alone with a female

wow 

I guess there was one girl

i dont remember if it was 2015 or 16

she was ginger

and she was into gingers

and we did rly like each other

i made myself pathetic around her 

almost to suggest thats a desirable trait

and the moment we eventually kissed

it was awkward

and was not enjoyable

and we both lost interest in each other at that point

i think it was late 2015, i remember it being cold

but i was with blake late 2015

so it mustve been early 2015

wow 

ive been around girls after then

but it was just with other friends

and i have wanted to fuck them

but ive not really felt like this

i didnt want to fuck

i just wanted to stare at her tattoos

and her hair

and talk

and i just hope to spend another day with her

even if i dont

it doesnt matter

the world will keep spinning

i will keep living

until i die

and she will be happy with her boyfriend or she will find someone else

and do something else

and eventually die

and humanity will eventually die

and the world will keep spinning

until something big enough to stop it from spinning crosses paths with it

and the universe will eventually entropy into a complete balance

and everything that was done would have been done

and it will be final

its really shallow

but i like thinking about her anyway

and i like this feeling

and its like i dont want to stop typing this

because then im choosing not to feel like this

and i might miss a detail

and i will eventually forget that detail

and i want to read this back in years and remember everything

i hope she is doing okay in those years to come

and it will be nice if we still get along in those years to come

and if we are both healthy

and doing well

it would be nice

and again, its really fucking shallow.

but i am human

i am designed this way

and its nice to think about her

and knowing there is a good chance i will see her again

and be able to play games with her again

and get high with her again

and listen to her music again

it gives me something to look forward to

and im gonna leave you with that

[deeeknows]

HOHOHHOOOHOHO you returned hello friends! Same rules as always i provided the Important partS for the skimmers but im also not apologizing for the length anymore. Let me hear you thoughts ON THE BLOG AND NOT IM MY MESSAGE INBOX XD.

June 21

the longest day in the year came and it sure felt like it. most of my day i was frustrated so that tells me a thing or two about myself. but my day started with the talk about picking weeds but that didnt happen instead we did pictures for the children all day. then i came back home and the lesson came. i listened to J. Coles verse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6atNwE-uOfE&t=7m14s on the documentary and had a great discussion about this with the baby fathers chat…. no we is not baby fathers. And no we are not plotting on you young women in the chat. they helped me work through alot of what he was saying in that we listen to the music differently just being christians. Important part people can be lead astray if they aren’t developed christians and founded in the truth. their idea of what christianity is looks like a temporary thing and not needed in the long term but instead helped the people in the days of old but now we might need something new to help the people who are having a struggle understanding the intentions of what the bible is trying to communicate. in addition its frustrating because i knew this was coming from the talks of the 2 Timothy 3. This has been a new way for me to think about music in general since its such an integral part of my life. The thats going to be my next personal study. in addition i was completely frustrated at VBS not because it was a bad day or the kids did a bad job but it started with the parents. And how they could teach their children to hate and be complete unashamed and not give a second thought the view of certain people was not only disgusting but almost pushed me over the edge. Important part i want to stay this fired up at injustice but need to find a way to convert my passion to love and not anger. I also made a resume and cover letter shout out Kalane.

June 22

while every day this week i felt like i knew when God was going to pull out the sunday school crafts and make me learn something this thursday was not the same. I was so ready to talk to take notes when we rode in brother Jeff’s car today because those cross the city rides i really have been known to catch a gem riding with my hand out the window. but it wasnt until Kenny made his way into our car at 3 an hour before we got “off”. Kenny gets in the car heated about whats going on in his community and how things arent going right. Kenny works closely with Brother Jeff in 10:12 sports with the kids but stays in the projects right across the street from a “newly opened” rec center. the frustration came from the communities exclusion from what they thought was a glimmer of light for them. the center technically opened monday but only is available to the children below the age of 5 who are enrolled in the summer camp there. Important part what was supposed to give the community an outlet for jobs, support for kids, and escape from a depressing reality at home is being forfeited because many of the kids are “two old” and too far down the path at this point so they are throwing out the whole bunch. to think the problem area in these communities were the ages 13-21 and to hear that the city is going to give them a way out. so you pull out you political boots and start getting about 6500 community petition signatures and they actually build the thing. just to find out the community wont be getting access to it in the heat of the summer and talking to the mayor of the city just to hear them tell you they “will see”, or that “they will look into it, send me an email” is extremely disheartening. especially for kenny who was out there preaching hope to these youth and their parents just to be told later. the exploitation and lack of urgency pains me and the city. the longer these kids are stuck in these pissy stairwells the faster their will for “a future” deteriorates. but after we go back to take him home and the kids all run out to greet him i can see the power 1 man has who refuses to let his light be put out even the darkness is all so much easier to live in.

then i went to dinner with my family group and we talked about understanding poverty and what different types looked like. keep your eyes peeled for the rules of operation because what doesnt seem like anything to you can actually cost you more than a black eye. Important part dont forget the only way to address these generational curses of poverty and situational poverty alike is through relationships. people need to know that you care. they dont need solutions. the reason they are telling you is not for you meet their need. do them the justice of addressing their spirit not just their need. my favorite quote from dinner was that the only way you will not be in poverty any of these resource areas is when you have a community like the church in acts freely giving and supporting one another.

June 23

And then it was Friday. I was so anxious for today before it even started I was ready to get it jumping. Every morning we have prayer I haven’t been talking that much about but don’t get me wrong it’s not a waste of my time at all. I still have my reservations about the group aspect but Important part there hasn’t been a bad morning and or day yet because I believe in the power of setting time aside to do God before getting into anything else that I might consider important. But I was geeked to get up and go to Red Emma’s after brother Jeff, Leslie, and I rode past it yesterday. but when i get in there my brain starts racing. not only is it a place of love but its a place right off north Ave and right in the middle of the art district. this was an area many people dedicated to a no judgement zone and a place where all are welcome. but what i wanted to study is what a christian environment would look like under this philosophy. they served the community and provided a space where the thirsty are given free drink and the hungry are fed. a space where all are welcome and given the liberty to be who they want to be. Important part but what i cant figure out is if that would be a good space for a church. to let people walk all over it and do whatever inside its walls. i want to say yes but i also hold such a high standard to how a church should be maintained. with their single open door bathroom policy and allowing people to “loiter” as they wait for the bus gave me a hope and a vision maybe that id have a service like that one day. where id host community outreach meetings. sell books in our library. sell food and drink and if we’re lucky and it’s on a corner as busy as red emmas ill call it sabbath or something corny. where id anoint the chairs every morning and id hire the homeless to assist me in being my prayer warriors of the city. but who knows maybe this is all just a fantasy to me. June 24 my day started like 3 times before i got fed up and time stopped moving backwards so i went on my first run. I didnt get dropped off because I ran by myself so no one could leave me in the dust and my tears. After we got back around to the city we started our bible study which slightly aggravated the kid because we went backwards to study Nehemiah again. but this time we looked at it from a different lens. Important part what i couldnt get over was how passionate he was and prideful about a people group he knew he belonged to but had never been to visit, see, or experience. but he was not only upset at their state of living up also prayed and fasted when he heard the news of the shameful city. but it didnt stop there. this man dropped everything he was doing because he saw a life better for them then the one they were living. keeping this simple we wanted to come into baltimore the way he did, not looking to turn the city from jerusalem to nehemiahville. but to empower those living and working there. the jews, nobles, priest, and everyone in between. it seemed like he also wanted something from them before he could give them what he wanted to give them. he wanted their help as well as their knowledge. literally this man has never built a wall before and someone is going to have to help him out. Important part thats how i want to be always seeking to learn the culture of the place im visiting and getting into. i never wanna feel like i have it right and others need to be like me. when infact thats not the case on this side at all. things were good after that. then I went to latino fest. and it was people watching central. la musica y la cultura fue incredible. i really felt bad because all i wanted to do was walk back and forth between the stages and listen to the live bands play and watch the folks dance but it seemed i was more interested than my counter parts. its okay tho they i halfway like doing life alone better. i videotaped some strangers for the road and spent hours trying to differentiate between which dances were salsa, bachata, and Merengue but i might need a little more help with that later. On the bus ride home my friends all decided they wanted to ditch Darius and make him walk home alone while they went to get frozen cups. One day they will like me. June 25

im getting used to starting my sunday with the farmers market. i dont know what ima do once i get home. mannnnn plus its only been my second sunday here. i walked less and knew exactly how i wanted to spend my morning, with a chocolate chip cookie. I pulled out my book as i sat right down and started doing what i do best, reading both folks and pages. i read through The Reason for God i wanted to give the people what i have and things are starting to look forward. then i went to service and we spoke about the person who was missing. in our spaces and even from the church. how what we look like and imagine heaven to be isnt what God has planned. there are going to be folks who we would have never placed there and how we can do that even in our church spaces. just to make things more bareable to the people we want to worship our God with . Important part we can say and do things to shape Gods people into our will and that is dangerous. People are made in Gods image and do not need correcting. to end my day i spent big time talking to Nao and in the park. Sabbath was a time for rest but while i was resting the city was hurting as well. i witnessed a man be almost stabbed in the street so there is still work left to be done in baltimore. im just glad God is here using me to provide a safe space for those around me.

June 26

I feel like my day took forever to get started but once it did I was cool. Editing photos for hours on end sucked the first 8 hours down the drain then it was time for the neighborhood association meeting. 6 o clock came whether I was ready or not. I actually never thought I’d end up at once of these community neighborhood watch association meetings especially after seeing them on tv and the boondocks and laughing along about how comical the whole situation is. But that was far from the case or intention of this meeting. The councilmen came and heard the immediate needs of the people and pretty much told everyone be patient and send me an email and I’ll get back to you. Between this man and the police officer they grilled I honestly Marvel at how they spun the same response with such patience with these people bringing systemic issues to their neighborhood officer from squatters, to prostitution, to education reform this man was supposed to answer them all. But this is really why I could never find myself at one of these meetings. After pouring out their hearts to the councilmen and him orchestrating who to contact to get the needs met he leaves and the meeting should be over here. Instead they continue to address their concerns with the officer asking his opinion on how to communicate with the kids and how to avoid getting robbed for the next hour and change. This isn’t a bad thing to get advice but the officer in my opinion made it very clear that he didn’t have answers that they were looking for, And that by playing his part and communicating with the association that the job would get done. But they weren’t taking this answer. They needed more. His “solution” was not going to help them stop the terrorizing happening on their streets and right in front of their homes. The desperation in the voices was heart breaking because as a spectator of this meeting and a spectator of this community I know that exactly the kind of searching for protection they were doing can only be provided by our Lord and Savior. Important part By trying to fill the God sized void in Baltimore with the agents of change that knew they were inadequate to grant change burned me on the inside. I was stuck between standing up and screaming yah gotta stop going around in circles what you’re doing is wrong is clearly fundamentally wrong. The answer is Jesus. But that couldn’t be received from me and I can’t tell if it’s because I wanted to use the cop out of “I want to just pray for the community and that’ll be doing enough” or if I was too selfish to put myself out there as an unashamed disciple of the gospel. I don’t know and it is always easy to see from your perspective but it’s harder to watch.

June 27

And it started my day with more photos and edits but then we made a trip to MND. Where we worked as a volunteer to help the guests with their resumes and things. After our trip back I saw the city and went through west Baltimore. Accidentally. My younger brother Lestle wanted to go for a trip and so we missed our stop and went for a nice little trip. The navy line took us all the way to Mondawmin mall. Which if you don’t know was one of the inciting points of the Baltimore riots in 2015. Reliving for a short time before heading home helped to really put what the community was feeling into perspective. Between the school Douglas, the mall, and the poor communities around it hurts to see what’s “the machine” distrust can do to a group of people. As relationships aren’t getting much better in these neighborhoods there is hope for others to possibly move in and change the climates of these areas. But who would want to move right next to a mall and bus depot and one of the underperforming high schools in Baltimore. Doesn’t sound too appealing at first glance. Or ever. Important part But what I see is a people in need for God and who are crying out for help. How much longer will we allow our pride and self righteousness prohibit us from being Gods instruments of change. What I noticed from the ride actually the neighborhoods leading up to mindoman mall are growing communities and not just hoods. There is hope. Some have caught to Gods vision while others are still working to it . now we just need some labors to get it off the ground

Yeah so i made it 2 weeks and im sad because it almost over and i feel like i havent learned enough. And im getting one of those feeling when God is about to tell me something i dont wanna hear so maybe we just pause this whole BUP thing until i have time to learn everything and then do what Jesus will have me do with the rest of my life. XD. you knew this blog needed at least one. Important part My last impressions would be this learning is not an arrived place and anyone can learn from a teacher, but what can you learn from a boarded up home? My challenge would be to tell you mother twice a day with at least 3 hours in between that you love her! And im thankful for all the responses to my last question you guys are smarter than me. This question would i need an answer ASAP. the city smells in some places. What can i do to make these city streets more enjoyable for everyone walking them?

[tattoosandporcelain-blog]

Coree Marx "Tree hugger."

Roman Kruger "I prefer the term 'tree enthusiast,’” he chuckles.

Coree Marx "Yeah... I'm still calling you a tree hugger. You are officially the tree hugger. Like the only one. You cool with that, right?"

Roman Kruger "Eh" he shrugs chuckling “I’ll take it, but my name is actually Roman,” he says with a wink.

Coree Marx "Nice to meet you, Roman the tree hugger. I'm Coree." Offers her hand in a formal gesture.

Roman Kruger Accepts her handshake "Pleasure to meet you Coree"

Coree Marx Withdraws her hand a moment later. "So aside from being a serial tree hugger... what else do you do?"

Roman Kruger "Im a consultant with the FBI" he smiles "And you Miss Coree?"

Coree Marx "Ahh," she offered, a nod of her head. "I'm in the music business, I suppose you could say." She shrugs, as she wouldn't consider herself truly /in/ the business quite yet, but definitely working towards it. "I've written a few songs here and there and I'm working on recording my first album," she ultimately confessed.

Roman Kruger "Wow, thats way more impressive than an FBI consultant" he says with total seriousness "i could lie and give myself a badass backstory, but alas i have amnesia" he shrugs feigning dramatic

Coree Marx "No way," she argued, shaking her head. "Putting a few words together while strumming a guitar has nothing on what you're doing," she added, having a firm grip on what was important in the world. Pauses. "Do you really have amnesia?"

Roman Kruger "Yep, my psychopathic adoptive mother drugged me with ZIP, she did it to my sister Jane 2 years ago, and now me." He says with a shrug, the memories come few and far between. The few he remembers are awful from his childhood in the orphanage. "I remember a few things from my past. My sister is my main starting point."

Coree Marx Thinking he had only been joking, she couldn't imagine, although she didn't doubt his story either. "Shit," she whispered, trying to find something more than that to say, but finding herself lacking in the word department. "I don't even know what to say," she confessed, finding herself to be as awkward as she normally did, though in this case she wished it weren't so. "How far back can you remember?"

Roman Kruger He scratches his beard "well, consistently only a few months back" he shoves his fists in his pockets "a few memories of me and my sister where we sorta grew up" he scoffs at the aspect of growing up in the orphanage "we grew up in an ophanage in Pretoria, Africa"

Coree Marx Eyeing the man as he spoke of what he could remember, she drew a slow breath, feeling the weight of every word he said, committing it to memory as she'd never want to make a conversational mistake with him considering. "This might sound completely naive of me, but how do you do your job if you don't remember beyond a few months back?"

Roman Kruger "Thats a fair question" he says shifting his wait from one foot to the other "well, i still have the abilities i had before, foreign laguage knowledge, marital art skills, stuff like that i still have i just have to remember i know it" he chuckles. The questions dont bother him any. Nothing really bothers him anymore other than his scar. " i mainly follow Assistant Director Wellers lead, or Agents Zapata, Reade, or Pattersons directions, and my sister of course." He smiles genuinely at her. "But, youre questions arent naive, they're cair questions"

Coree Marx Listening to what the man had to say, she was definitely in awe of his resolve to not give up as she couldn't imagine losing everything she knew the way he had and then having to remember that she knew it to begin with. She shook her head softly as he was giving her too much credit. "I just know there's a lot in the world I don't know, so I ask. It's probably more a lack of world exposure than it is true care, if I'm honest," she confessed, not struggling to be truthful in the slightest as she was that to the very core. "So was tree hugging something you've always done?"

Roman Kruger "Im not entirely sure, to be honest" he states with a chuckle "its honestly more for my sister, she loves the holidays from what little i can remember, so i figured shed enjoy this to decorate" he smiles, he didnt mind the holidays much, he doesnt remember much about them let alone if he ever celebrated them. "So what made yoh decide to be a singer/songwriter?"

Coree Marx "I think you definitely were," she decided conclusively, thinking it made for a good story if nothing else. Hearing him ask about her, she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't think I ever really chose song writing. It kinda chose me? Been at it since I was a kid, really. As for singing... that's another story all in itself. I can do it just fine in the studio, but put me up in front of a crowd and I freeze. Not quite sure this is gonna pan out, so we'll see. Might just need to stick to what I'm good at."

Roman Kruger He nodded processing what he was just told. "Well, i suppose the aspect of crowds could be simple. If youre able to walk up and make conversation with a total stranger..." he begins and points to himself "then you singing to a crowd if kinda the same on a larger scale, just walking up to a whole bunch of strangers and talking, well singing.." he corrects himself "but im not sure, ive never tried so i wouldnt know" he said with finality to his explanation

Coree Marx Hearing him out as he did have a point and she had approached the tree hugger randomly, she nodded her head. "But I didn't walk up to you exposing something of myself. I didn't put something out and say 'here, I hope you like it'. I didn't show you myself without any guard up at all," she reminded him as her written words were so much deeper than anything she could ever say in casual conversation. "Although I will confess, my producer encourages my random interactions with people for the exact reason you just stated, so you're probably not too far off."

Roman Kruger He smoothes his beard out "well you kind of did expose yourself a bit. Saying that you were a singer/songwriter and all" he shakes his head "but youre right, it isnt the same i guess" he says with a shrug. The farthest hed gone with singing was with his sister once at a kareoke bar. While from what he could remember he was told he was good, but he didnt believe it much "well, im sure you could rock it in a arena singing" he said with total honesty "start small i guess, kareoke bars and such"

Coree Marx "I do alright on open mic nights in bars. It's intimate and there's not that many people. The lighting sucks and I can't actually see anyone and everyone stays so quiet. It's those bigger venues that terrify me. All in good time, maybe. The boyfriend says I need blinders like what a horse wears, but we haven't quite found a way to do that yet," she confessed with a soft laugh.

Roman Kruger "Ive been told the spotlights on a stage kind of blind you from seeing the crowd." He says with a shrug "well id love to hear you sing sometime, ive only sang to a room of drunk bikers." He said with a laugh and wag of the eyebrow. He was being totally honest but making himself a joke as well, like usual. "But, hey, they said i was pretty good" he said laughing at himself once more

Coree Marx "Well, I'd love to hear you sing sometime," she offered with a genuine smile to her features finding an even trade of singing to be something worth basing it all off of. "I'll let you hear me sometime. Promise. Next time I'm going to attempt something, I'll get you the information so you can come if you'd like. Just promise me if I freeze, you won't give me a hard time for it and instead, it will be met with vodka. Lots and lots of vodka."

Roman Kruger He smiles with a small chuckle "Well, that may take a couple drinks, i suppose im a hypocrite because i havent sung sober in front of other people." he shrugs "But i am definately looking forward to hearing you" he said with sincerity "I dont think youll freeze, but if you do ill cheer no matter what." he smiled "But im going to aformentioned biker bar tonight and its kareoke night again, so if youd like to join me id be honored" he says bowing dramatically but goofily

Coree Marx Hearing his invitation, she clenched her teeth together in what could only be described as a nervous smile as a biker bar was definitely not a place the blonde would normally be caught within. Hearing it was karaoke night though, her agent would kill her if she didn't take any and all opportunities to get in front of people and perform to her best ability as every little bit would help. "You know what, give me the address and I might just see you there," she suggested, knowing she'd want to run it by her boyfriend to see if he'd like to join, but thinking it might be a good idea for a different crowd in a different space just to see how it went.

Roman Kruger Noticing the clench of her jaw at the aspect of a biker bar "You don't have to come if you aren't comfortable with the atmosphere." he smiled reassuringly "But it isn't as crazy or dangerous as you may expect, yes they do all have guns, but its pretty fun" he scratches his beard "If you do decide to come the bar is called The Nest"

Coree Marx Nodding her head as it was out of her comfort zone, though most everything outside of her apartment was out of her comfort zone to be honest. "I will," she seemed to promise stating that she'd be there one way or another. Whether or not she'd actually sing that night would be another story entirely, but she'd at least give it a chance. "Would it be cool if my boyfriend comes along with me? I don't know if he'll be able to, to be honest. He's in college and it keeps him crazy swamped, but if he's down, would you like to meet him?"

Roman Kruger "Bring anyone you want Coree" he smiled "id love to meet him, my sister and team will be coming as well" he said nodding "i know if you feel uncomfortable so i wont be upset or anything if you change your mind on coming" he said with genuine sincerity. He didnt want to make her uncomfortable by inviting her somewhere unsafe in her mind. "It will be safe, due to the fact of a few FBI agents being there, including the Assistant Director."

Coree Marx She wasn't overly concerned with safety in reality, she was just a bit of a homebody and knew her boyfriend to be the same, though both did their best to overcome it at every opportunity. It was different for Barron than it was for her, but the cores would remain the same. "Count me in, Roman," she committed, not yet sure if Barron would come or if she'd wind up bringing another friend instead, but she'd at least promise to be there. "What time should I plan to be there?" she asked, revealing a bit more of herself to him as she always had a plan and was never late as he'd soon find out.

Roman Kruger "8 o'clock good for you?" He asked "My team and i will be there about then barring no case comes up." He smiles genuinely at her. "Im glad youre coming Coree." He enjoyed making new friends, it made him feel as normal as an amnesic can possibly feel

Coree Marx "8 o'clock it is," she stated, easily agreeing to the offered time as it would give her plenty of time to figure out exactly what she was doing and to see if Barron would like to join her or if she'd be dragging another friend along with her instead. "I'm really glad you invited me," she confessed as friendships were quite important to the young woman in a concrete jungle such as New York where everything felt so cold all too often and it was nice to meet someone willing to extend the arm of friendship without much reservation. "I'll see you then," she promised, giving up a nod of her head before she turned to go her own way, turning one last time first, flashing him a warm smile. "Tree hugger."

Roman Kruger He winked at her "see you then Cor,” he said as he turned the opposite way towards a small coffee shop “I’ll think of a nickname for you eventually,” he said over his shoulder

-March 10, 2017

[oceanicdaniel]

I’m answering these because I’m bored and in study hall where I have no homework, questions from skylerwritestoomuchphansmut

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? 5′3″ 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)  another dog 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? the most depressing look i can achieve with really tight jeans 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? tekken 2 and frogger on the playstation 1, frogger on the atari, and mortal kombat on the nintendo 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: sleeping, eating, and why i couldn’t be older so i could’ve graduated already 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? warning: says too many swear words, extremely awkward and polite. approach at your own risk 7: What is your opinion on [insert thing here]? i love science sm it’s my fav subject tbh  8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] i don’t know, i’m too lazy to google these 9: Are you ticklish? extremely, sadly 10: Are you allergic to anything? no, but i have hayfever (so fun) 11: What’s your sexuality? the most extreme rainbow out there (i’m pansexual but i make gay jokes too often) 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Hot Chocolate (cocoa and hot chocolate are different things you can fight me on this) 13: Are you a cat or dog person? dog 100% but i like both, i’m just saying if i had to choose what to adopt one 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? subscribe to AmazingPhil on YouTube. 16: How tall are you? 5′7″ and a half 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? My name is already Jesse but my birthname is way too feminine for my agender ass 18: How much do you weigh? i don’t know i lost a lot of weight recently bc i was sick and couldn’t eat 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? yeah i guess 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? space!!!! (i’m sorry i’m an astronomy nerd) 21: Are you religious? i don’t think jesus would appreciate it if i was 22: Pet peeves? loud chewing, smacking gum (oh my god do not do this around me), chewing with your mouth open are the mains  23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? i already am nocturnal 24: Favorite constellation? too many to choose 25: Favorite star? i don’t really have favorite stars 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? what  27: Any phobias or fears? hecking yes, the dark (depends on the situation though), tight spaces, crowds sometimes (again depends)  28: Do you think global warming is real? um yes??? the world will get warmer then fix itself and get colder?? the world will end with the icecaps melting then they will freeze??? 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? not really 30: Favorite movie? holy heck!! i don’t know!! maybe return of the jedi 31: Do you get scared easily? nah 32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? 4 33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] YEET i’ll just rate my blog -10/10 34: What is a color that calms you? black or blue 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? i would absolutely love to go to Key West again!! 36: Where were you born? in Mediapolis, Iowa (techincally west burlington but you know what) 37: What is your eye color? one eye is bluer and one eye is greener but technically blue 38: Introvert or extrovert? both i guess 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? yes i love astrology but not horoscopes  40: Hugs or kisses? hugs!!! 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? i would love to go see AmazingPhil who you should subscribe to on youtube 42: Who is someone you love deeply? my best friend and my dogs 43: Any piercings you want? 6 in each ear 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes! 45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? i don’t but i’ve tried a cigarette before (nasty dont do it) 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! he’s tall-ish, has really beautiful hair, nice green eyes, this rlly cute face freckle thing, and he’s really funny 47: What is a sound you really hate? scratching nails against paper or a window 48: A sound you really love? piano and uke 49: Can you do a backflip? on a trampoline yeah but i haven’t ever tried on the floor 50: Can you do the splits? yepp 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Jennifer Lawerence  52: Favorite movie? this was already asked but Return of The Jedi or The Revenge of the Sith 53: How are you feeling right now? Tired  54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? black or rlly dark brown 55: When did you feel happiest? when i am asleep 56: Something that calms you down? reading 57: Have any mental disorders? depression, social anxiety, and ADHD 58: What does your URL mean? the ocean is pretty and so is dan howell 59: What three words describe you the most? emo, nc-17 (inside joke), hungry 60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah  61: What makes you unfollow a blog? if they turn into a different fandom blog that i’m not in 62: What makes you follow a blog? i like their content 63: Favorite kind of person: funny and sarcastic and polite/nice 64: Favorite animal(s): dogs!! 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @Amazingphil and idk the other two i’ll look later 66: Favorite emoticon: i don’t use them that often and i mainly only use like four 67: Favorite meme: spongebob  68: What is your MBTI personality type? oh man i don’t want to take another quiz 69: What is your star sign? Aquarius  70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? nope haven’t taught him that yet 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? jeans, sweatshirt, and vans 72: Post a selfie or two? no thanks 73: Do you have platform shoes? platform heels, yeah 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?  75: Can you do a front flip? yep 76: Do you like birds? yeah 77: Do you like to swim? yep, i do it competitively actually 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? ice skating 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: homework 80: Some thing you wish did exist: the ability to drive golf carts in the street in my state 81: Piercings you have? zero 82: Something you really enjoy doing: reading 83: Favorite person to talk to: my best friend 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? i don’t remember i’ve had it for the longest time 85: How many followers do you have? idk i can’t open another tumblr tab im on my school computer 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? yep, i used to be a long distant runner in track 87: Do your socks always match? heck no 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yep 89: What are your birthstones? Amethyst  90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? hopefully a dog 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? black rose (bc i’m emo af) 92: A store you hate? JUSTICE or abecrombie & fitch (oh lord) 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? none but i drink like 200 hundread cups of  mountain dew a day 94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? fly tf 95: Do you like to wear camo? who wears camo anymore you know besides rednecks 96: Winter or summer? Summer 97: How long can you hold your breath for? too long to be considered human 98: Least favorite person? everyone in my grade except for my best friends 99: Someone you look up to: adults bc they’re usually taller than me 100: A store you love? barnes and noble 101: Favorite type of shoes: vans or converse 102: Where do you live? some cornfield in iowa 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? i don’t live in the correct family to be either of those, we eat hamburgers every friday and steak every sunday 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? sapphire 105: Do you drink milk? yeah but i’m lactose intolerant  106: Do you like bugs? as long as they don’t attack me (except i always hate moths) 107: Do you like spiders? if they aren’t crawling on me 108: Something you get paranoid about? when i come home alone late at night and al the lights in my house are off 109: Can you draw: not well but yeahhh i’m a trashy artist 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? “is that a thong on your bathroom floor?” it wasn’t, it was a bikini top 111: A question you hate being asked? “when’s your sex reassignment surgery?” no joke a kid asks me this everyday 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? yep 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? heck yeah i do 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny 115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: i’d very much like to cuddle dan, his tummy chub is sososososo cute 116: Favorite cloud type: Stratus and Stratocumulus  117: What color do you wish the sky was? i like the current color 118: Do you have freckles? no but i wish i did  119: Favorite thing about a person: eyes or shoulders (idk why?? strong shoulders just wow) and dimples (if they have some) i love to poke peoples dimples sm 120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit 121: Something you want to do right now: go to the bathroom and eat cookies 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? the night sky is gorgeous  123: Sweet or sour foods? both 124: Bright or dim lights? dim 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? tf no, no matter how much i love harry potter, magic doesn’t exist 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: how much people steal pictures 127: Something you love about Tumblr: a way to express myself since i can’t in my house 128: What do you think about the least? what people think of my sexuality 129: What would you want written on your tombstone? “ 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? this kid in my class who won’t stop calling me dyke 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my hair 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? yeah (even though they’re ugly af) 133: Computer or TV? yes 134: Do you like roller coasters? hECK YES if i get taken to a theme park for a date i am marrying that person right away 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? nope 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached 137: Do you believe in karma? nope 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -10 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? jay, jj, dad, (and some stuff with my birthname) 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? no 141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? yep 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? bad in some situations, good in others 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? i don’t know both ig 144: What makes you angry? school 145: How many languages do you speak fluently? one 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? yes 147: Are you androgynous? yeahhh 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: nothing 149: Favorite thing about your personality: my humor 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person: dan, phil, and amandaschronicles 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? ancient greece 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? i like the ladylike series 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] n/a 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes! 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? no i like when they play with my hair 156: What embarrasses you? if you point me out in a crowd oh nelly 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: i have social anxiety so a lot of things 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: idk 159: How many people are you following? 37 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? idk a lot 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 1 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 92 (i just reblog everything i like) 163: Last time you cried and why: last night, my mom was trying to force me to take a 14 hour class that i didn’t want to do and i got so frustrated i cried 164: Do you have long or short hair? short 165: Longest your hair has ever been: to the bottom of my ribs when it was straight 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? dislike because i don’t believe jesus or god exist  167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? yeah i’m a science nerd as i said 168: Do you like to wear makeup? god no 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? yeah 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes mom