#consider that interpretation flawed? yep

[jacksprostate]

the prototypical child and or grown man who greatly misinterprets fight club has a preternatural hold on most tumblr fight clubber's minds and i think it's time we all let it go... firstly if you're imagining a 13 year old please realize that dunking on 13 year olds because they have bad critical reading skills is more and more pathetic the older you get. secondly even if these people exist they're not on tumblr and will not be disturbed by your actions because they'll never see them. thirdly, defining yourself and your interpretation in Opposition to another without taking care to understand why that interpretation developed beyond 'well they're just evil' will only leave you cut off from people. it is better even, to understand exactly why they think terrible things, what leads them to it, than to just dismiss it and position yourself as the good to their bad guy, defined by doing whatever you consider opposite. fourthly? fourth? using 'this movie is GAY and or liked by women actually, ooga booga, you're gonna HATE that hahaha' as an argument reinforces the idea that these things are stigmatized and things they should hate, and even contributes to the (very flawed) perception that these things are 'stealing' from them, and once again reinforces negativity. it's pointless. certainly, write your analyses and reference the interpretation, even analyze it, but take care to consider whether you're acting on solid ground or performing against an unpresent bogeyman for the cheers of your peers, and consider whether you want to gain cred by shitting on others, even if it's the conceptual ghost of a shit person.

[datwheatleyboi]

Orbo in Nirmata

Oh yep gotta make this a thing now because I thought it would be an interesting topic to look into. I wanted to address right away that I am a big Orbo enjoyer. I love the character and do not consider him an antagonist towards Scarab or anyone. PLUS this is also an excuse to talk about how much I loved writing and exploring each character in Nirmata. For now I will bring 3 major points in understanding Orbo's role in Nirmata. A quick warning I will be spoiling chapter 1, 2, 4, 8, 9 of Nirmata, so read at your own risk.

As I said in one of my earlier replies, no character in Nirmata is good or bad. There is no antagonist in the books and I hope this can be clearly seen these many chapters deep into the fanfic. Every character is flawed at their core. Some are more flawed than others but that's what makes the story even more interesting. I want to uncover the truth behind Orbo just because he is a character that has less screentime in Nirmata, therefore his character is hard to be deduced from his actions. 1. Nirmata is mostly a Scarab POV story.

Scarab is undoubtably the main character of the story. We experience Nirmta mostly through his perspective, therefore it is important to understand that Scarab's perspective towards Orbo can be extremely biased, especially from his view of the world and constant victimizing of himself in each situation. The periods where we receive a different POV Orbo was never referred to as a bad boss or bad character. The only thing he is to blame for is the wings and antenna incident. One of example's of Scarab's bias in perception of the situation is in this scene in chapter 4 (here's a snippet from it):

Scarab looks at the attached clocks to his and Prismo's wrists and thinks of them as a threat. As a doomsday watch leading to his and Prismo's downfall. It is constantly emphasized throughout the story that Scarab clearly takes this situation too seriously. He thinks of the watch not just as a helpful tool in understanding the passage of time with the Time Giants being destroyed, but also as a ticking timebomb. This is Scarab's POV and analysis of the situation. Keep an eye on what Orbo says in chapter 2 about the watches:

This is just the first analogy about Scarab's biased POV that we see throughout the fanfic. There are many more examples of how his interpretation of a situation contradicts to what is actually happening but if we're talking about Orbo in this post, than here is an example with my big boy. I think of Nirmata as a story, where you have to pay close attention to what the characters say, rather than deduce their motivations from Scarab's POV. 2. Orbo is also a living being.

Imagine you're the right hand of the Boss, just hanging around, doing your job, when suddenly time stops existing. And then BOOM! all the multiverse starts getting consumed by a supermassive blackhole. Anyone will be scared from that and Orbo is no exception. He stabilizes the multiverse knowing that he won't be able to hold it together for a longer period of time. This makes him stressed out and more on his nerves and Orbo acts accordingly. His actions, his words, his overall attitude and behavior. The poor guy has so much pressure on his shoulders that he even confronts Prismo for being incompetent in preserving the Time Core from potential nasty guys. And no threats or pressure solely towards Scarab. Here are several examples of showing signs of this clearly stressed behavior:

Despite being referred to as the right hand of the Boss in the fanfic, his reaction to the situation can be understandable. Despite the whole future of the multiverse being questioned, Orbo does not let the emotions get the best of him. He listens to Scarab's suggestion and agrees with it, regardless of this duo not being the most effective when put together. 3. Orbo is an understanding being. As I said in the end of my last point, Orbo offered Prismo and Scarab a chance to redeem themselves and gave them 3 days to find the hammer despite the multiverse clearly barely keeping itself together. He entrusted Scarab and Prismo with the most important mission ever, while literally seeing them claw at each other's throats 5 minutes ago. That is some insane level of faith my guy got. Or probably because he just doesn't want them to be fired from their positions. Here's him accepting Scarab's suggestion, while still having his doubts about the successful completion of this mission:

Also, later he provides the two cosmic entities with even more information in regards to the ongoing search for Betty and the Hammer, despite not being obligated to do so. He really wanted our favorite roommates to succeed in their mission and, if it weren't for Betty's interference with the order of her world, they would have received even more tips and reports of the alterations in the fabric of space and time. This is emphasized in chapter 9 when instead of receiving threats about the couples and the Hammer's whereabouts, Orbo just provided Scarab the coordinates of 2 other signals of reality altercation. Although it was never specifically stated that my bro Orbo was the one who sent the messages about the signals, it is heavily implied throughout the plot that Scarab has no way of locating new signals without "multiversal interference". 4. The Wings. But what about Scarab's wings and antennas? Didn't Orbo rip them out of him? Yes, but it was done a very-very long time ago when the poor guy still was learning about his capabilities and limits to his powers, and Orbo clearly experiences guilt from committing such a terrible act on one of his most productive workers. This is seen in Prismo's speech in chapter 9 and given that he and Orbo are good friends, this is probably true and not an attempt at trying to justify Orbo's evil nature:

To further prove the point of Orbo ripping Scarab's wings not out of pure hatred towards the bug, it was hinted way back in chapter 1. We know that from reading chapter 8, Orbo was terrified of someone betraying the company or starting a revolution. He had a hard time understanding how to properly run a company, so it was logical he would be on the verge of panic when a strange moth decided to nuke a great chunk of the multiverse and resided in one of the destroyed worlds. Yes, it was never implied that Maura was a real being and not always a disguised fire elemental, but back in my analysis for chapter 8 I did hint at this being the case.

Anyways, this is the end of my character analysis of Orbo. Since this is a hot topic in the pwish fanfic community, I wanted to toss my own interpretation of Orbo's character in Nirmata. I might have left out some key points since I am still very sick, but I hope this makes sense. I'm always open for your ideas and speculations on Orbo's character but otherwise...

As a famous thinker once said:

leaves some crumbs and runs away

[corgibardballads]

I absolutely love our dragon dad. I loved him the second we met him. But the lore between us and Midgardsormr is also interesting because it has changed context over time but also is so vague that I think we can interpret things the way we want until the writers fully figure out what they want to do. But I really hope he isn't gone gone. Every time we get any dragon lore I always expect to see a tiny Midgardsormr pop up again and sit on our shoulder just like old times. Replaying our first meeting is interesting because I feel like a lot of it has either changed or perhaps been given knew meaning over time.

I appreciate that dragons are almost eternal, super powerful, and depicted as flawed as the Greek gods because lets be honest... this is the worst take possible lol. Even Ysayle shares this take which is so interesting. Punishing the son for the sins of the father is 0/10. "This man just killed someone! He also has a one year old son. Clearly he is equally guilty and must also be killed!"

This is kinda interesting these days because it's kinda both? On the one hand we are the shard of Azem and we learned in Shb and EW that Hydaelyn's blessing only affects protecting your aether but has nothing to do with our inherent strength and unique abilities. So presumably we can attribute our uniqueness to being a shard rather than Hydaelyn's blessing. On top of that we learn in the EW quest where we inhabit another soldier's body that our ability to find things in the right place at the right time is also inherent to us (it seemed to imply we are unique as a whole rather than just our soul specifically). On the other hand we were technically chosen by Hydaelyn because meeting Venat in Elpis let her know which incarnation of us to specifically look out for and guide us. Anyway, just a cool continuation of how the lore grows.

So I kinda wonder about this... Venat says her magic simply guards one's aether from being altered or corrupted. Midgardsormr wouldn't have that power when he entered into his covenant with us and blocked our connection to Hydaelyn. So the primals we fought should have been a threat to us, but they weren't. I surmise that we may inherently have aether protection independent of Venat's magic. Considering what we know about Azem's role, or I guess how little we know, it seems logical to me that with everything they would be exposed too it's likely all Azems develop some sort of magic to protect their aether. And from that I would infer that we inherit it as a trait rather than being reliant on Hydaelyn's magic and that our connection to Hydaelyn is mostly about guidance to prevent Ascian plots. Granted this is speculation, but I feel it seems logical given what very little information we have.

As a dragoon this was written for me specifically to enjoy. But really I always felt that our LB3 was just momentarily fusing our aether with Midgardsormrs to abso-fucking-lutely wreck someone.

I was wondering about this bit too. If he fedon Hydaelyn's essence to regenerate and she is gone. It's possible that Midgardsormr's only connection to this world now if our covenant with him. It's possible that when we die, if he isn't able to regenerate enough to at least have his tiny form, he could just straight up die with us. Now they could change this later, but I think it's kinda cool if it stays that way.

Haha yeah. Yep crazy. Hey can we keep a little bird perch in here? Like no reason homie, just in case a lil guy wants to have a lil sit.

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

So are you still a rose quartz apologist now that it's CANON that she was abusive to her pearl, and used classic abuser excuses such as 'oh she didn't mean to' 'I was just standing too close it's my fault'

I want to know why y’all are SO invested in absolutes. Is this kindergarten? Are Disney Villains the only concept of morality we have now? Have none of us passed the Theory of Mind test? 

Is there no median to how you interpret characters? 

You either LOVE LOVE LOVE a character and excuse their every flaw and are completely blind to any bad thing they’ve done

or

You HATE HATE HATE a character, think they’re undeserving of any sympathy (or analysis) and need to be trash-talked at every opportunity. 

Why am I ‘an apologist’ for still liking Pink’s character for its complexity and moral greyness? Are we not allowed to interact with anything that isn’t ‘pure’ anymore? Are we now monsters for not openly and constantly condemning every part of her during our free time? 

I have news for you:

People do bad things, and they can still be interesting characters/worth considering. And there’s nothing you can do about it - and nothing you can do to make EVERYONE hate the character you hate. 

And you shouldn’t try, because it’s none of your fucking business how others view that character. Stop trying to make everyone agree on an analysis that personally satisfies your needs.

Here’s MY analysis:

Pink was absolutely NOT a healthy relationship for Pink Pearl. She hurt her, Pink still has trauma from what she’s done, etc. You can definitely call it abusive (though as someone who was RAISED in an abusive environment - with an abusive parent - I have hated how easily that word is thrown around. Abuse is a pattern of repetitive harmful behaviors. Pink appears to have only hurt her Pearl once. Was it a case of abuse? Yes, indirectly.)

And is Pink still a character I enjoy thinking about the origins of? Is Pink still a character I like to talk about, and a character I can sympathise with? 

YEP. 

Because guess what? I find her growth relatable, and I think it’s one of the best-portrayed, non-linear, non-fairytale-happy-ending growths out there. 

AND THAT’S A VALID THING TO LIKE ABOUT A CHARACTER.

Most of the people that hate Pink are analysing not her - but her victims. And that’s fine! You can focus on that and hate Pink. If that’s what you need, emotionally - if you’ve had personal experiences that make it impossible for you to forgive Pink and relate to her - THAT’S FINE! tHAT’S WHAT YOU NEED. AND THAT’S COOL.

But even if YOU personally don’t care WHY or HOW Pink Diamond began to act this way, even if YOU personally don’t give a shit about how she attempted to change for the better (and overshot and ended up with another whole set of issues, welp, that’s life for ya, that’s actually very realistic) - OTHER PEOPLE ARE STILL ALLOWED TO CARE ABOUT IT AND TALK ABOUT IT. 

And you know what? YOU DON’T NEED TO BE A PART OF THAT CONVERSATION.

But here’s the thing - SOME PEOPLE DO. 

Some people - and I know this is gonna blow some minds - NEED THAT. 

I NEED THAT. I grew up with a family dynamic that strongly resembles Pink’s. I grew up with unhealthy coping mechanisms. I grew up and learned some very unhealthy shit. And now I have OTHER coping mechanisms. And guess what? I am allowed to have characters that are complex and similar to me who have fucked up and who did some bad things. 

I know it’s WILD but here’s the thing:

You will hurt people in your life. That’s a fact. 

Someday, YOU might be Pink Diamond. 

You will not realise it. You will not know it at the time. But you will be an unhealthy influence on someone. You will cause undue harm to your friends. You will over-react emotionally and use some bad coping habits and end up making things WORSE instead of better.

And when - not if, but when - you do, I hope you have enough mental flexibility to view yourself as a whole person capable of change and growth instead of slam-dunking yourself into the trash without any further analysis because you can’t cope with the idea of thinking about people being capable of both good and bad deeds. 

Because when you say ‘I don’t care about how she tried to change, that doesn’t matter to her victims’ - you’re right! From the victim’s point of view, that doesn’t matter. Victims don’t need to care about their abusers or what they’re doing or not doing. They need to focus on healing, getting better, etc. 

But you won’t be a victim for your whole life. 

Someday, you’ll fuck up and you’ll be the unhealthy one in the equation - perhaps even someone who takes the role of an abuser - and you will need to be capable of thinking about what you’ve done, instead of only what was done to you. And you’ll need to be able to think about it and reason through it.

And that’s why Pink’s character is important and useful and why we need to stop throwing her away after just dismissing her as ‘bad’. She isn’t meant to be easily consumable. But she’s just as important as anyone else. 

So stop being angry at people who need her and need to relate to her. 

Talking about how she tried to be better is not ‘redeeming’ her character. It’s not erasing anything she’s done. Facing all those bad things and saying ‘I can move on and change’ is literally a part of bettering yourself. It’s the first step. 

So unless you want your world to be full of people who only see characters in unmoving black-and-white and good-or-bad dichotomies 

LET PEOPLE LIKE CHARACTERS THAT REFLECT DIFFERENT STAGES IN THEIR LIFE. 

[polyhexianchicken]

1,11,19,20,21

I have so many questions about the giant chicken.

1) What made you pick up this character?

This is gonna sound odd considering those that know me closer will know me by my bright and positive personality, and my answer may be morbid buut:

I found his complexity of a character fascinating. When I first saw him, I didn't know he had Empurata, or what that even was. At first he also annoyed me a little bit with his selfishness, but once I actually got through the two comic series, I was completely enamoured of this product of neglect. Small tidbits in the comic made me go 👀, like Rung dismissing his self harming, the entire crew bar Rodimus wanting to punch him, the only reason they even took him being that he was too dangerous to leave anywhere else; after a while, all I saw in him was a lonely, broken mech completely engulfed in rage of the absoloute unfairness life had given him, all for wanting to make clocks.

I personally believe he was a different mech before Empurata, as the brash and violent Whirl we know in the comics wouldn't have been able to make a name of himself as a chronosmith with that behaviour. And it's just, really interesting to see how he interacts with others?

He tried to kill himself multiple times, and had a rather soft/uncharacteristic reaction to Cyclonus' self harming tendencies, to a depressed Trailcutter, even encouraging Rodimus, helping Chromedome with Rewind-

All, small blink or miss moments where you realise that this mech absoloutly cares about this crew, despite choosing most of his waking moments to cause harm.

But still, he keeps going. He's still trying to make clocks despite being unhappy with the results everytime, but he just. keeps. going. He has nothing left to loose yet he's still kicking despite being suicidal as all hell.

What made me actually of course want to write him, was that he was fun. He's unapolagetic, he's out there, he is impulsive and chaotic and I wanted to write a fun character.

Originally.

It then morphed to me wanting to explore how someone would behave if society absoloutly had hated this guy's guts since the beginning, and how a guy like that would react to genuine care he has not felt his entire life- how would that affect his psyche, his behaviours?

I find him incredidbly fun and interesting to write because he's so darknmorally gray. He does what he thinks is right, no matter if its a terrible choice or not. And hell, he's smart and strong. He cares about others, but being shunned by society has made him clumsy and unaware of his behaviour to others, so he may be saying something out of kindness but really it's hurtful.

He's absoloutly chaotic which is so fun to write because I finally have an excuse to be gremlin :3

11) Are there some things you dislike about how the show/series/etc. portray the character you have picked up? If so, what?

I am very biased because the writing he got was made me love him, flaws and all. I dislike that he's such an underused character, I really wish there were more morally gray autobots being given showtimes or deeper lore dive ins. I want to see more of him :<

I must say I do notice a trend in fanon where he's just portrayed as a mech who only knows violence and absoloutly nothing else, which is a pity because he is a well rounded character. Each one to themselves of course, everyone has their own interpretations :D!

19) Should people get into the franchise your writing from, yes or no?

YEP. It's wild, it's longwinded, yes, but oh my god do you get amazing insight to social structures, to CANON interpersonal relationships, immense history deepdive and a different light on the Autobot/Decepticon mecha. IDW More than meets the Eye and Lost Light are such good series to read I honestly can recommend.

20) If you could sum up your character with one sentence, what would it be?

He's an angry, violent, broken and distrusting mech with so much care still about others.

21) Which song do you feel describes your character the most and why?

AGHH there's so MANYYY I have!!!

I'll have to go with this one for now:

as the lyrics remind me of what I said before: He's been mutilated, violated and shunned by everyone around him, but he's still here.

Since I rarely find myself being able to talk about this Lemme ramble about the lyrics real quick:

I was born in a thunderstorm

I grew up overnight

I played alone

I played on my own

I survived

Now this is the first verses and already it reminds me of him being from a higher caste but finding himself not wanting to be what he was, and never, (I believe at least) having any actual support from anyone but himself. He's only ever had himself to rely on and he's come through it all.

I wanted everything I never had

Like the love that comes with light

I wore envy and I hated that

But I survived

The next ones remind me of his anger and violence after Empurata, and wanting everything he never had (he lost his home and ability to craft, alongside his body)

But he's still here.

I have made every single mistake

That you could ever possibly make

I took and I took and I took what you gave

But you never noticed that I was in pain

I knew what I wanted, I went in and got it

Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't

I told you that I would never be forgotten

And all in spite of you

And I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing

I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing

I'm alive (You took it all, but I'm still breathing)

These lyrics hit home so hard because yeah often he wonders if it was really worth it doing all of these things, he often believes he's made every wrong choice possible in his life, nobody notices or cares that he's hurting (in his optics and actually proved by others behaviour in the comics), but DESPITE all of that.

He's still alive.

[inkykeiji]

i think i have a couple lana songs that fits into ur fics. IM A HUGE LANA STAN 😭

religion (tomura and reader’s relationship dynamic in bmb isnt very natural? like the song is like comparing a loved one to a religion? almost like devoted in a way like to a god or something and i see that in their relationship where tomura doesnt really treat reader as a lover, more like a prized possession and stuff)

you can be the boss (reminds me of dabi, maybe in tag you’re it. the way keigo and reader both know that dabi is kind of dangerous but she’s still with him and how she cant get enough of him in a way? and especially in the part where lana sings about receiving a cigarette from the guy w his number on it, its such a dabi thing to do 😫. some parts kind of give off bmb tomura vibes so it could be interpreted as that too)

million dollar man (i think this one would suit tomura so well, i think tomura is rich in bmb? yeah he’s rich and hes bad and broken. although lana’s goal with being with this man is the money, reader feels something for tomura and that’s the difference but it still suits him pretty well)

burning desire (i think it suits tag you’re it dabi and maybe bright light city dabi too, the way they live the fast life and its rlly cool 😫 idk much to say ab this though but its rlly nice and i love how most lana songs kinda fit dabi) (fun fact: i got into lana cuz i heard a headcanon that dabi would probably listen to her cuz shes hot)

off to the races (i think it suits bmb tomura and bright light city dabi? the way they live kind of a luxurious kinda life and idk i love it all) 😫 it’d be cool if u check them out i love reading ur works while listening to these songs - 🧚🏻‍♀️

FAAAAAIRY MY BB <33333 i love lana so much!!! i actually have the majority of these on at least one of my fic playlists!!

religion: FAIRY MY SWEETPEA I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS BUT OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO RIGHT AAAAAH (this also gives me slight touya-nii vibes, because touya-nii is also obsessed with his reader, but to a lesser extent yk what i mean??) BUT OH MY GOD ADDING THIS TO BMB TOMURA’S PLAYLIST IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

you can be the boss: this one i actually listen to when i write bmb!tomura!!! but it definitely has tag you’re it dabi vibes, yes yes yes!!! i listened to lolita and be my daddy while writing little bit of poison in me!!! i feel like they’re quite playful and that reader in the tag you’re it series has that type of cheeky playfulness to her especially after she gets over her shyness pertaining to dabi. not to mention her eagerness to help him with his work, you know???

million dollar man: YEP THIS ONE’S ON MY BMB TOMURA PLAYLIST AS WELL!!! i feel the exact same way; it has daddy tomura vibes even if the lyrics don’t 100% match. i really love the ‘someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you’ aaaaah <33 but also the whole idea of following this man without question, almost like blind faith, yk?? also the ‘how did you get that way? i don’t know’ and the ‘if you’re going crazy, just grab me and take me’ really really really remind me of tomura ESPECIALLY in part three!!

burning desire: HOLY FUCK FAIRY ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY BOTH OF THEM YES OH MY GOD YES!!!!! i’m adding this to my tag you’re it playlist aaaaah yes oh my god (also, you’re right!! so many of her songs fit him so well eee i just really love her sm like her whole vibe and all of her lyrics and her beautiful voice i just <333 omg did you!? i love that so much hahahah that’s so cool! i got into her because i’ve had a daddy kink for uh a really, really long time and she was one of the only people when i was a teenager that sung about and embraced this so!!!)

off to the races: this one i consider bmb!tomura’s theme song and it’s on his playlist!! i listened to it while writing bright light city as well though, so yes aaah absolutely FAIRY THIS IS SO COOL like first of all, i’m so flattered that you can connect my work to hers, and it’s SO interesting to see which songs remind you of what!!!! SECONDLY MY SWEET FAIRY it is so so so lovely and thoughtful that you did this for me and sent me such an incredible ask <333 i appreciate it and YOU so much!!!!!

[cheeriosandwine]

Fic Writer Tag

Thanks @infinitevariety for the tag! And @tastymoves too, sorry I forgot to do this before!

How many works do you have on AO3?

19

What’s your total AO3 word count?

48389

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Good Omens and Spider-Man on here

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

We Made a Garden of the Love We Found - 262

The Light Slipping Through - 249

Empty (More) - 199

Milkshake - 199

Yours Is the First Face That I Saw - 172

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! I love getting comments and I try to show my appreciation by responding. Sometimes I'm very slow to get back to people though 😬

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I mostly avoid angst, especially angsty endings, especially especially for Good Omens. I guess the ending to my Doc Ock/Spider-Man fic (Pinned) could be seen as angsty but I purposefully left that story and its ending open to multiple interpretations

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Never done any and I don't know if I ever will. If an idea hits me hard enough I could give it a try

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've gotten some rude comments but they were mild compared to what I've seen some others get. I just deleted them. I don't have time for people being assholes on stories I'm writing and sharing for free with my limited energy

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Lmao yep, nearly all my fics are smut! I think I tend to write pretty fluffy smut, combined with a lot of kinky stuff. I really love writing aftercare

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No not that I'm aware of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope not yet

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Sway @tastymoves and I wrote You Spin Me Right Round. It was so much fun to collab, I'd love to do it again!

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ineffable Partners 😌

Actually my favorite interpretation of them is as queerplatonic partners but I rarely write that because it feels more difficult to write the thing I care about most. There's a level of disconnect for me as an aspec person writing romantic+sexual relationships that makes it easier somehow to be able to put words down. Within the context of fic, it feels like I'm playing games with these characters and very few of the fics I write reflect my "true" headcanons (or they do, but only pieces)

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The one about Aziraphale recovering from trauma from Heaven. That one's a little too real :/ Maybe someday I'll feel able to pick it up again

What are your writing strengths?

Oof here comes the interview questions.

I've been told I wrote hot smut which is incredibly gratifying. I think I'm also good at combining humor and smut. It's too much fun taking something ridiculous and treating it a little too seriously.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't use a lot of description because it often doesn't occur to me to describe surroundings. A lot of the time I forget to describe clothing and then if I need to talk about clothes at some point in the fic, I have to read back through and see if I need to add any other details about how they're dressed earlier on. I think it's because I have a pretty vague/blurry visual imagination and most of the time when I'm reading or writing I'm paying most attention to dialogue + emotions + movement. But I could probably do a better job of giving characters a background/setting to interact with

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've never done it. If I come across it in other stories I don't usually look up translations, so I appreciate if authors include translations. Sometimes I'm able to make an educated guess at what they're saying based on context and/or how common those words are and if I have a little familiarity with the language to recognize some vocab

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Good Omens!

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Nooo I can't pick a favorite! My fics are all special to me in different ways and I have different memories and emotions attached to each of them. Does the deep nostalgia I feel for one outweigh the laughter another brings me? Do I say that I love one fic more than another because it reflects more of me, or because a friend said some very nice things about that one, or because I think I accomplished what I set out to do with this one?

Seriously don't ask me to pick favorites of almost anything, I'm just Like This, I have very few definitively favorite things in most categories. I do have a favorite food though.

(Also please don't interpret the above as me saying that I think I'm some perfect writer and have no flaws. I try to be deliberate about not openly disparaging my work or being negative about the things I create. I have to fight that impulse all the time and it's very important for my mental health that I make an effort to believe my creative efforts are worthwhile even if they're filled with errors or I didn't convey something the way I'd hoped to in my head. It still matters that I took the time to do it. And I'm not gonna apologize for saying that I love every single fic I've written and they are all significant to me in different ways.)

Tagging

I'm not sure who all has been tagged and done this by now, I know I've seen this game shared around several times but I can't keep track of the way it's spiderwebbed across here. So if you haven't been tagged yet and want to be, consider this me tagging you :)

[strxnged]

elek!! congrats again on reaching 600 🥳✨

may i request a matchup for your event? my pronouns are she/her and i'm straight. i'm a p creative person, but i don't rlly like to admit that i'm wrong oops 🤧 my hobbies are reading, writing, baking, and anything to do w music (i sing + play the piano, and am cr learning the guitar!!) 3 things i look for in a relationship: loyalty, a good listener and most importantly someone who accepts me flaws and all. aaand cr fav song's greek tragedy by the wombats <3

ƚԋαɳƙ ყσυ ϝσɾ ʂҽҽƙιɳɠ ყσυɾ ϝαƚҽ. the stars are alligning...

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

you have been matched with...

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

— -> Ushijima Wakatoshi was the captain and ace of Shiritorizawa, known to be stone-faced and quiet and often quite blunt. He's very earnest and means everything he says, wasting no time on hinting or lying or decieving. However, his honesty and bluntness do not make for the greatest social skills.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

✧ ushijima is good at communication but not so good at interpreting feelings, but he gets better at it thanks to you. you show him what unconditional love is and he returns it wholeheartedly. you've struck awe in him, a rare feeling for him.

✧ he knows your special so he treats you like it, or at least, he does his best to. he doesn't know much of what you expect from him (which is probably far less than he's trying to do) but in the end he'll always be there for you and he'll figure out sooner or later that that's the important part.

✧ ushijima's heart flutters when he sees you do things you love. when you sing he always smiles at you, seeing you excited about a story gets him excited, and he always wants to help you bake to be around you. mans just. loves u a lot.

runner-ups: HINATA SHOYO, SAKUSA KIYOOMI

notes: hELP I SPENT SO LONG TRYING TO DECIDE BUT WHEN I CONSIDERED USHIJIMA IT HIT ME AND THE HEADCANONS CAME AND I WAS LIKE YEP MHM WRITTEN IN THE STARS.

600 EVENT (CLOSED!) // NAVIGATION

[rickyriddle]

AnR theory: Is Irina still alive?

Hey there! Time for a AnR theory. Yep, you read right. Is Irina, Kouko’s senpai, still alive? 

Now if we go by anime canon, it seemed impossible. After all, she go blown out when a car exploded right next to her face, and we did see her corpse. But if you’re familiar with my opinion, you know that I usually go by manga canon first and only acknowledge anime canon if it doesn’t contradict the manga. So this theory will mainly be based on the manga.

Irina’s death happened off-page in the manga and is never showed, only reference by one of the nuns to Kouko, saying that the necklace is all that was left from Irina. So I assumed there was nothing left of her body and thus, no actual corpse was found. Kouko never witnessed Irina’s death and it seemed that nobody did. But still, she was killed in an explosion, so it’s not that weird that her entire body could have been obliterated. But, if the explosion was strong enough to completely annihilate her body, would her necklace also be totally destroyed?

Yes, it should. Yet, it’s perfectly intact.

So now tell me, how a bomb can destroy and entire human body yet leave a necklace totally intact? I have a quite simple answer to that.

Irina faked her death.

Yes, you heard me folk. Irina staged her own death. But you must be wondering, why? Well, I think Irina would have a pretty valid reason why she would want people to think she’s dead.

Simple. Irina is a kind person who clearly said that it’s best to not be skilled as an assassin. Given that Kouko calls her “senpai” instead of “sensei” I’m lead to believe that Irina was once an orphan too raised and train by the orphanage to be an assassin. So therefore, just like Kouko, Irina didn’t choose to become an assassin, it was something that was imposed to her. But unlike Kouko, she was skilled. Something that she might resent, because she feels bad about killing. Maybe that’s why she sent “death isn’t the end of life, death is the completion of life” to her target, as a way to alleviate her guilt. So, incapable of being an assassin anymore and teach other unwilling kids to become killers, Irina decided to leave, but she knew very well that it wasn’t authorized. So she staged her own death to get free.

That may sound far-fetched, but I have other proof to prove my points. In KnR 7, it’s revealed that there was a secret message hidden in Irina’s necklace, addressed to Kouko: “To Kouko, follow my path and become a hope for everyone”.

This message is what give Kouko the courage to finally escape the orphanage. Irina wanted Kouko to leave and have a normal life because she knows the pain of being forced to be an assassin and couldn’t bear to see Kouko follow this path. So she left this note in her necklace in hope that Kouko would see it and finally have the courage to leave.

But why Irina didn’t just tell Kouko instead of keeping it in her necklace and how did she knew Kouko would eventually came into possession of say necklace? Well my friends, the answer is simple. Irina always meant to leave her necklace as a heritage to Kouko. The “follow my path” meant “escape from Clover Home”, implying that Irina didn’t actually died but escape.

So this is what happened. Kouko didn’t made a mistake with the bomb, Irina took advantage of Kouko’s known clumsiness to stage her death. Given Kouko’s reputation, it wouldn’t be suspicious that her bomb accidentally killed her. People were even joking about Kouko being dangerous. So, Irena left her necklace with the secret message to Kouko in wherever the bomb was and left before it exploded. She could have tempered with the bomb to make it explode earlier than it should, thus given the illusion that she was killed in the explosion, thus faking her death and successfully escape the orphanage.

The major flaw in this theory is that Irina does deeply care about Kouko and it would be unthinkable that she would have cause her such pain. Unless something didn’t go according to plan. I think Irina thought that as soon as she saw the message, Kouko would understand that she’s still alive, given the “follow my path” part. But it seems that it took longer than expected to Kouko to find the message. It doesn’t seem like Kouko interpret it as “I’m still alive and escape and you should do the same and show the others that it’s possible to leave”. Perhaps it has been too long since Irina’s “death” and the thought that she might still be alive seems too improbable for Kouko to even consider it. She probably herself would think that her dear senpai wouldn’t have cause her such pain or that she would come back for her. Perhaps that something happened to Irina after she presumably escape and prevented her from seeing Kouko again.

It’s also possible that Irina actually committed suicide and planned to leave her necklace as a legacy to Kouko with the secret messages, tho that wouldn’t explain the “follow my path” part nor why the necklace is perfectly intact.

Regarding the anime, I don’t really know how she could have faked her death, thought from someone who got blown up by a car her body seems surprisingly intact. 

Well, that’s just a theory, a MANGA THEORY! Don’t hesitate to let me know what you think! Seeya!

[kevinbingham]

“Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines”

https://www.facebook.com/thethinker42/posts/10155931022478700

Lori Gallagher Witt

January 7, 2018

An open letter to friends and family who are/were shocked to discover I'm a liberal...

This is going to be VERY long, so: TL;DR: I'm a liberal, I've always been a liberal, but that doesn't mean what a lot of you apparently think it does.

Some of you suspected. Some of you were shocked. Many of you have known me for years, even the majority of my life. We either steadfastly avoided political topics, or I carefully steered conversations away from the more incendiary subjects in the name of keeping the peace. "I'm a liberal" isn't really something you broadcast in social circles where "the liberals" can't be said without wrinkling one's nose.

But then the 2016 election happened, and staying quiet wasn't an option anymore. Since then, I've received no shortage of emails and comments from people who were shocked, horrified, disappointed, disgusted, or otherwise displeased to realize I am *wrinkles nose* a liberal. Yep. I'm one of those bleeding heart commies who hates anyone who's white, straight, or conservative, and who wants the government to dictate everything you do while taking your money and giving it to people who don't work.

Or am I?

Let's break it down, shall we? Because quite frankly, I'm getting a little tired of being told what I believe and what I stand for. Spoiler alert: Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines.

1. I believe a country should take care of its weakest members. A country cannot call itself civilized when its children, disabled, sick, and elderly are neglected. Period.

2. I believe healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Somehow that's interpreted as "I believe Obamacare is the end-all, be-all." This is not the case. I'm fully aware that the ACA has problems, that a national healthcare system would require everyone to chip in, and that it's impossible to create one that is devoid of flaws, but I have yet to hear an argument against it that makes "let people die because they can't afford healthcare" a better alternative. I believe healthcare should be far cheaper than it is, and that everyone should have access to it. And no, I'm not opposed to paying higher taxes in the name of making that happen.

3. I believe education should be affordable and accessible to everyone. It doesn't necessarily have to be free (though it works in other countries so I'm mystified as to why it can't work in the US), but at the end of the day, there is no excuse for students graduating college saddled with five- or six-figure debt.

4. I don't believe your money should be taken from you and given to people who don't want to work. I have literally never encountered anyone who believes this. Ever. I just have a massive moral problem with a society where a handful of people can possess the majority of the wealth while there are people literally starving to death, freezing to death, or dying because they can't afford to go to the doctor. Fair wages, lower housing costs, universal healthcare, affordable education, and the wealthy actually paying their share would go a long way toward alleviating this. Somehow believing that makes me a communist.

5. I don't throw around "I'm willing to pay higher taxes" lightly. I'm self-employed, so I already pay a shitload of taxes. If I'm suggesting something that involves paying more, that means increasing my already eye-watering tax bill. I'm fine with paying my share as long as it's actually going to something besides lining corporate pockets or bombing other countries while Americans die without healthcare.

6. I believe companies should be required to pay their employees a decent, livable wage. Somehow this is always interpreted as me wanting burger flippers to be able to afford a penthouse apartment and a Mercedes. What it actually means is that no one should have to work three full-time jobs just to keep their head above water. Restaurant servers should not have to rely on tips, multibillion dollar companies should not have employees on food stamps, workers shouldn't have to work themselves into the ground just to barely make ends meet, and minimum wage should be enough for someone to work 40 hours and live.

7. I am not anti-Christian. I have no desire to stop Christians from being Christians, to close churches, to ban the Bible, to forbid prayer in school, etc. (BTW, prayer in school is NOT illegal; *compulsory* prayer in school is - and should be - illegal) All I ask is that Christians recognize *my* right to live according to *my* beliefs. When I get pissed off that a politician is trying to legislate Scripture into law, I'm not "offended by Christianity" -- I'm offended that you're trying to force me to live by your religion's rules. You know how you get really upset at the thought of Muslims imposing Sharia on you? That's how I feel about Christians trying to impose biblical law on me. Be a Christian. Do your thing. Just don't force it on me or mine.

8. I don't believe LGBT people should have more rights than you. I just believe we should have the *same* rights as you.

9. I don't believe illegal immigrants should come to America and have the world at their feet, especially since THIS ISN'T WHAT THEY DO (spoiler: undocumented immigrants are ineligible for all those programs they're supposed to be abusing, and if they're "stealing" your job it's because your employer is hiring illegally.). I'm not opposed to deporting people who are here illegally, but I believe there are far more humane ways to handle undocumented immigration than our current practices (i.e., detaining children, splitting up families, ending DACA, etc).

10. I believe we should take in refugees, or at the very least not turn them away without due consideration. Turning thousands of people away because a terrorist might slip through is inhumane, especially when we consider what has happened historically to refugees who were turned away (see: MS St. Louis). If we're so opposed to taking in refugees, maybe we should consider not causing them to become refugees in the first place. Because we're fooling ourselves if we think that somewhere in the chain of events leading to these people becoming refugees, there isn't a line describing something the US did.

11. I don't believe the government should regulate everything, but since greed is such a driving force in our country, we NEED regulations to prevent cut corners, environmental destruction, tainted food/water, unsafe materials in consumable goods or medical equipment, etc. It's not that I want the government's hands in everything -- I just don't trust people trying to make money to ensure that their products/practices/etc are actually SAFE. Is the government devoid of shadiness? Of course not. But with those regulations in place, consumers have recourse if they're harmed and companies are liable for medical bills, environmental cleanup, etc. Just kind of seems like common sense when the alternative to government regulation is letting companies bring their bottom line into the equation.

12. I believe our current administration is fascist. Not because I dislike them or because I'm butthurt over an election, but because I've spent too many years reading and learning about the Third Reich to miss the similarities. Not because any administration I dislike must be Nazis, but because things are actually mirroring authoritarian and fascist regimes of the past.

13. I believe the systemic racism and misogyny in our society is much worse than many people think, and desperately needs to be addressed. Which means those with privilege -- white, straight, male, economic, etc -- need to start listening, even if you don't like what you're hearing, so we can start dismantling everything that's causing people to be marginalized.

14. I believe in so-called political correctness. Not because everyone is a delicate snowflake, but because as Maya Angelou put it, when we know better, we do better. When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you're using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person? Your refusal to adjust your vocabulary in the name of not being an asshole kind of makes YOU the snowflake.

15. I believe in funding sustainable energy, including offering education to people currently working in coal or oil so they can change jobs. There are too many sustainable options available for us to continue with coal and oil. Sorry, billionaires. Maybe try investing in something else.

I think that about covers it. Bottom line is that I'm a liberal because I think we should take care of each other. That doesn't mean you should work 80 hours a week so your lazy neighbor can get all your money. It just means I don't believe there is any scenario in which preventable suffering is an acceptable outcome as long as money is saved.

So, I'm a liberal.

(c) 2018 Lori Gallagher Witt. Feel free to share, but please give me credit, and if you add or change anything, please note accordingly.

[qqueenofhades]

Do you think society as a whole understands and values history? I don’t think they do. And I don’t understand why.

HoooooWEEEEEE, anon. What follows is a good old Hilary History Rant ™, but let me hasten to assure you that none of it is directed at you. It just means that this is a topic on which I have many feelings, and a lot of frustration, and it gets at the heart of many things which are wrong with our society, and the way in which I try to deal with this as an academic and a teacher. So…. yeah.

In short: you’re absolutely right. Society as a whole could give exactly dick about understanding and valuing history, especially right now. Though let me rephrase that: they could give exactly dick about understanding and valuing any history that does not reinforce and pander to their preferred worldview, belief system, or conception of reality. The human race has always had an amazing ability to not give a shit about huge problems as long as they won’t kill us right now (see: climate change) and in one sense, that has allowed us to survive and evolve and become an advanced species. You have to compartmentalize and solve one problem at a time rather than get stuck in abstracts, so in that way, it is a positive trait. However, we are faced with a 21st century where the planet is actively burning alive, late-stage capitalism has become so functionally embedded in every facet of our society that our public values, civic religion, and moral compass (or lack thereof) is structured around consumerism and who it benefits (the 1% of billionaire CEOs), and any comfortable myths of historical progress have been blown apart by the worldwide backslide into right-wing authoritarianism, xenophobia, nationalism, racism, and other such things. In a way, this was a reaction to 9/11, which changed the complacent late-20th century mindset of the West in ways that we really cannot fathom or overstate. But it’s also a clarion call that something is very, very wrong here, and the structural and systemic explanations that historians provide for these kinds of events are never what anyone wants to hear.

Think about it this way. The world is currently, objectively speaking, producing more material resources, wealth, food, etc than at any point before, thanks to the effects of globalism, the industrial and information revolutions, mass mechanizing, and so on. There really isn’t a “shortage” of things. Except for the fact that the distribution of these resources is so insanely unequal, and wildly disproportionate amounts of wealth have been concentrated in a few private hands, which then use the law (and the law is a tool of the powerful to protect power) to make sure that it’s never redistributed. This is why Reaganism and “supply-side”, aka “trickle-down” economics, is such bullshit: it presupposes that billionaires will, if you enable them to make as many billions as possible without regulation, altruistically sow that largess among the working class. This never happens, because obviously. (Sidenote: remember those extravagant pledges of billions of euros to repair Notre Dame from like 3 or 4 French billionaires? Apparently they have paid… exactly not one cent toward renovations, and the money has come instead from the Friends of Notre Dame funded by private individuals. Yep, not even for the goddamn cause célèbre of the “we don’t give a shit about history” architectural casualties could they actually pay up. Eat! The! Rich!…. anyway.)

However, the fact is that you need to produce narratives to justify this kind of exploitation and inequality, and make them convincing enough that the people who are being fucked over will actively repeat and promote these narratives and be fiercely vested in their protection. Think of the way white American working-class voters will happily blame minorities, immigrants, Non-Murkan People, etc for their struggles, rather than the fact of said rampant economic cronyism and oligarchy. These working-class voters will love the politicians who give them someone to blame (see: Trump), especially when that someone is an Other around whom collective systems of discrimination and oppression have historically operated. Women, people of color, religious minorities/non-Western religions, LGBT people, immigrants, etc, etc…. all these have historically not had such a great time in the capitalist Christian West, which is the predominant paradigm organizing society today. You can’t understand why society doesn’t value history until you realize that the people who benefit from this system aren’t keen on having its flaws pointed out. They don’t want the masses to have a historical education if that historical education is going to actually be used. They would rather teach them the simplistic rah-rah quasi-fictional narrative of the past that makes everyone feel good, and call it a day. 

The classic liberal belief has always been that if you can just teach someone that their facts are wrong, or supply them with better facts, they’ll change their mind. This is not how it works and never has, and that is why in an age with, again, more knowledge of science than ever before and the collected wisdom of humanity available via your smartphone, we have substantial portions of people who believe that vaccines are evil, the Earth is flat, and climate change (and 87 million other things) are fake and/or government conspiracies. As a medievalist, I get really tetchy when the idiocy of modern people is blamed on the stereotypical “Dark Ages!” medieval era (I have written many posts ranting about that, so we’ll keep it to a minimum here), or when everything bad, backward, or wrong is considered to be “medieval” in nature. Trust me, on several things, they were doing a lot better than we are. Other things are not nearly as wildly caricatured as they have been made out to be. Because once again, history is complicated and people are flawed in any era, do good and bad things, but that isn’t as useful as a narrative that flattens out into simplistic black and white.

Basically, people don’t want their identities, comfortable notions, and other ideas about the past challenged, especially since that is directly relevant to how they perceive themselves (and everyone else) in the present. The thing about history, obviously, is that it’s past, it’s done, and until we invent a time machine, which pray God we never fucking do, within a few generations, the entire population of the earth has been replaced. That means it’s awfully fragile as a concept. Before the modern era and the invention of technology and the countless mediums (book, TV, radio, newspaper, internet, etc etc) that serve as sources, it’s only available in a relatively limited corpus of documents. History does not speak for itself. That’s where you get into historiography, or writing history. Even if you have a book or document that serves as a primary source material, you have to do a shit-ton of things with it to turn it into recognizable scholarship. You have to learn the language it’s in. You have to understand the context in which it was produced. You have to figure out what it ignores, forgets, omits, or simply does not know as well as what it does, and recognize it as a limited text produced from a certain perspective or for a social reason that may or may not be explicitly articulated. The training of a historian is to teach you how to do this accurately and more or less fairly, but that is up to the personal ethic of the historian to ensure. When you’re reading a history book, you’re not reading an unmediated, Pure, This Was Definitely How Things Happened The End information download. You are reading something by someone who has made their best guess and has been equipped with the interpretive tools to be reasonably confident in their analysis, but sometimes just doesn’t know, sometimes has an agenda in pushing one opinion over another, or anything else.

History, in other words, is a system of flawed and self-serving collective memory, and power wants only the memory that ensures its survival and replication. You’ve heard of the “history is written by the winners” quote, which basically encapsulates the fact that what we learn and what we take as fact is largely or entirely structured by the narrative of those who can control it. If you’ve heard of the 1970s French philosopher Michel Foucault, his work is basically foundational in understanding how power produces knowledge in each era (what he calls epistemes) and the way in which historical “fact” is subject to the needs of these eras. Foucault has a lot of critics and his work particularly in the history of sexuality has now become dated (plus he can be a slog to read), but I do suggest familiarizing yourself with some of his ideas. 

This is also present in the constant refrain heard by anybody who has ever studied the arts and humanities: “oh, don’t do liberal arts, you’ll never get a job, study something worthwhile,” etc. It’s funny how the “worthwhile” subjects always seem to be science and engineering/software/anything that can support the capitalist military industrial complex, while science is otherwise completely useless to them. It’s also always funny how the humanities are relentlessly de- or under- funded. By labeling these subjects as “worthless,” when they often focus on deep investigation of varied topics, independent critical thought, complex analysis, and otherwise teaching you to think for yourself, we therefore decrease the amount of people who feel compelled to go into them. Since (see again, late-stage capitalism is a nightmare) most people are going to prefer some kind of paycheck to stringing it along on a miniscule arts budget, they will leave those fields and their inherent social criticism behind. Of course, we do have some people – academics, social scientists, artists, creatives, activists, etc – who do this kind of work and dedicate themselves to it, but we (and I include myself in this group) have not reached critical mass and do not have the power to effect actual drastic change on this unfair system. I can guarantee that they will ensure we never will, and the deliberate and chronic underfunding of the humanities is just one of the mechanisms by which late-stage capitalism replicates and protects itself.

I realize that I sound like an old man yelling at a cloud/going off on my paranoid rant, but…. this is just the way we’ve all gotten used to living, and it’s both amazing and horrifying. As long as the underclasses are all beholden to their own Ideas of History, and as long as most people are content to exist within the current ludicrous ideas that we have received down the ages as inherited wisdom and enforced on ourselves and others, there’s not much we can do about it. You are never going to reach agreement on some sweeping Platonic ideal of universal history, since my point throughout this whole screed has always been that history is particular, localized, conditioned by specific factors, and produced to suit the purposes of a very particular set of goals. History doesn’t repeat itself, per se (though it can be Very Fucking Close), but as long as access to a specific set of resources, i.e. power, money, sex, food, land, technology, jobs, etc are at stake, the inherent nature of human beings means that they will always be choosing from within a similar matrix of actions, producing the same kind of justifications for those actions, and transmitting it to the next generation in a way that relatively few people learn how to challenge. We have not figured out how to break that cycle yet. We are an advanced species beyond any doubt, but we’re also still hairless apes on a spinning blue ball on the outer arm of a rural galaxy, and oftentimes we act like it.

I don’t know. I think it’s obvious why society doesn’t understand and value history, because historians are so often the ones pointing out the previous pattern of mistakes and how well that went last time. Power does not want to be dismantled or criticized, and has no interest in empowering the citizens to consider the mechanisms by which they collaborate in its perpetuation. White supremacists don’t want to be educated into an “actual” version of history, even if their view of things is, objectively speaking, wildly inaccurate. They want the version of history which upholds their beliefs and their way of life. Even non-insane people tend to prefer history that validates what they think they already know, and especially in the West, a certain mindset and system of belief is already so well ingrained that it has become almost omniscient. Acquiring the tools to work with this is, as noted, blocked by social disapproval and financial shortfall. Plus it’s a lot of goddamn work. I’m 30 years old and just finished my PhD, representing 12 years of higher education, thousands of dollars, countless hours of work, and so on. This is also why they’ve jacked the price of college through the roof and made it so inaccessible for people who just cannot make that kind of commitment. I’ve worked my ass off, for sure, but I also had support systems that not everyone does. I can’t say I got here All On My Own ™, that enduring myth of pulling yourselves up by your bootstraps. I know I didn’t. I had a lot of help, and again, a lot of people don’t. The academy is weird and cliquish and underpaid as a career. Why would you do that?

I wish I had more overall answers for you about how to fix this. I think about this a lot. I’ll just have to go back to doing what I can, as should we all, since that is really all that is ultimately in our control.

[praphiteyes]

Doctrine made simple (I hope:)

HI! :)

This will be a quick overview of what I believe to be the basics of Christianity. I say this while also acknowledging that there are many ways to view one’s path with Christ. I am not saying that this is the only way to view it, but if someone wants to know what my personal (Praphit Productions) views on the matter are, or if you'd like a clear start for your own beginning with Christ, here it will be, plainly laid-out for you:

Two parts! #1 Belief and #2 carrying it out.

We'll start with "Belief" as if it were a book, and roll with chapter one (of 4) - "God, baby!"

Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Hebrews 11:6 -

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Everything starts with faith. No matter what it is that you believe, it starts there. Obviously, when dealing with religion, we're talking about the very foundation of your motivation for life.

God --- Belief -

1) The Trinity - there are plenty of scriptures referencing the Godhead. Jesus refers to "The Father" as well as "The Spirit" within the gospels. Understand that we can not understand this, we can only continue to gain understanding on this subject. I'm simplifying (perhaps even oversimplifying) in order to keep this as quick as possible, plus it's better for you to study for yourself.

FATHER = The Plan SON = the words of that plan SPIRIT = the power behind that plan

Yep, definitely oversimplifying:) As you walk with the Lord, you will understand what I’m talking about.

All three are "God" - the holy one, the creator of all, the ruler of all, the alpha, the omega, love itself, our joy, our wisdom, our peace, healing, Savior, King, righteousness, wrath, judgment, forgiveness, grace, mercy, the almighty, I could go on and on and on throughout eternity, if what's swells up within me as I think of God could be expressed in words.

They are one and yet different, as we are to be ("made in His image").

This life thing is God's house. The earth, the universe, the multiverse (if you'd like to take it there:) EVERYTHING! All people, the laws of life, the fabric of life, EVERYTHING IS BY HIM, THROUGH HIM, AND FOR HIM.

He shouldn't even really be seen as "he" as we think of a "he". Doing so actually tarnishes the "He". God is not a gender. God is not a race. God is light.

In the story of EVERYTHING, God is the main character. This is all about Him; I can't stress that enough:)

Sin --- Belief - 

2) Sin is damning.

I can remember talking with an atheist about sin. He told me that he does not believe in sin. I retorted with "What do you call all of this nonsense we see in the news everyday?" He replied "That's just people being evil." I said "Yeah, sin." We all know what sin is, no matter how we choose to say it. Sin is not only "evil" actions, but on a spiritual level, it's like a prison. For example, lying will always lead to more lying. 

Sin can also be psychological, and lead to destructive, generational patterns. Sin is erring from God's purpose for our lives. If you turn to Genesis, in the bible (Adam & Eve), you can read all about sin and the effects thereof, and you can see how it damages our relationships. You can see how it'll have us hiding from God, ourselves, and each other. You can see the curse that it brings. Call it what you will, but sin is a virus that we're all susceptible to. It's all over the place, and it's sticky, smelly, and nasty.

Blood --- Belief - 

3) What does the blood of Jesus mean for us?

Before I can answer this question, I must remind you that the belief in God and in the concept of sin are foundational. This is literally God's world, and to sin is when we act contrary to His plan and the rules of His world - with this in mind, let us look at that famous scripture John 3:16

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Let's break down this statement:

1) “God” - Think of what we covered in the section about God.

2) 'loved the world' - Don't think of 'love' as you have experienced it, because that's probably screwed up. I don't say that as anything against you; it's screwed up for most of us. Few people (or no one) live (and have always lived) in a community, where ALL of the people  are all in on you; exhibiting the natures of this scripture  - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8  

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails."

Even our view of what we'd like love to be is flawed, because we haven't always been covered in a powerful, nurturing, and guiding environment. I'm not even talking about some fanciful, never-ending fountain of good vibes either. Our God, our Father, our Friend is also our King. I used the word "guiding" above. This word comes with it discipline and sometimes, unpleasantness.

I've given you enough here on God's love to help you begin to see the surface of His love. If I try to frame it for you more than that at this time, it would be a disservice.

Now take the word "world" from that scripture and think of us - ALL OF US, no matter our backgrounds or where we come from.

3) 'He gave His one and only Son'

This is sacrifice (what true love is) from God the Father and God the Son. It is spoken this way in scripture for the benefit of our understanding. We can grasp sacrificing for those we love. The "only" is also important for us to capture the tone of this event on the cross.

4) Now the Blood - "that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

We choose to believe in what Jesus was/is about or not. The prerequisite of following God is His sacrifice, which is His blood poured out for us at the cross. This being God's world, He calls for offerings in repentance of sin (which included the blood of animals for quite some time). This is also a glimpse into how God views life in general (blood being a God-given life force). The blood of approved animals was good enough only to delay the wrath/effects of sin. There needed to be a pure offering - not from animals or even humans, but from God Himself. There's a lot to believe there, which is why you must first believe in God and sin.

But, I think it is logical to believe in God. Even if you go with the Big Bang theory, there are still unanswered questions as to where everything came from and why. There are still things that scientists argue over and still have questions over. We'll acknowledge that there are wonders of the world (or universes) that we haven't even began to look into. Science itself is based off of what can be proven. If you are to live only by what is proven, then scientifically speaking, you must accept that there are things not yet proven. Therefore, God should at least be considered a possibility. Which is more silly - to believe in God or to believe that everything just kinda formed on its own with no real reason why?

All of the human elements to how the bible was formed, how we interpret it, and a whole lot of things going on with the Church are very much flawed - agreed. But, if we separate all of that mess from the notion of God, it's quite believable, I think.

And as for "sin", we may use different names for it, but the evil going on in this world is very real.

This step is simply believing that God would make a way for us to follow Him. Or at least... this is half of the step to following Him - believing in His ways and what Jesus did on the cross for us. The second half is what we'll cover next - The Resurrection.

4) Resurrection --- Belief - 

Some may say that believing a person can be raised from the dead is crazy. Again, without taking into consideration of the beliefs above, I'd understand them saying that. But, if we're already believing in the powerful creator who fuels life as we know it, then all of the rules of logic change.

Jesus' resurrection is a banner of victory - against our sin (that put Him in the grave), against the curses of sin (which includes physical death), and against Satan (who if you read through the scriptures, has been manipulating things behind the scenes). No, the devil never makes you do anything, but he's certainly cheering you on towards all of the wrong directions.

The resurrection is the second half of following Christ, because this victory that I'm speaking of is the new life for the believer.

A life with hope to leave your past (and the effects thereof). A life of hope to live with power (by the Holy Spirit's guidance) over sin, curse, and the devil. A life with a relationship with God, and an eventual home with Him for eternity.

I know, that's all very spiritual, so allow me to explain in broader terms (stay with me:)

We believe that God is the pure form of things like love, joy, peace, wisdom, etc. A belief to walk in those traits/ideals is enough to lead many out of their own darkness. Many people feel a sense of condemnation/shame/insecurity in their place in life. A belief in this new life with God can lead one away from the effects from that type of negativity (and the cycle of destruction that it can bring) and lead to transformation into those pure qualities. Like I said earlier, people are flawed, so churches can use this in all kinds of cultish ways, but that doesn't make what I'm saying any less pure. I'll get into how to avoid those cultish dangers later.

The cross/blood offers forgiveness and redemption and a power to look ahead, and the resurrection/our belief and new life with God offers power. A power of all of those pure Godly qualities being poured over your life, and hopefully into the lives of those that you encounter.

But, it's all a matter of belief (going back to John 3:16 - "those who believe in Him"). Believing in the ways/ministry of Christ, believing in His sacrifice at the cross (and its effects), and believing that He rose again, ascended into Heaven (not being covered in this post - you'll have to do some reading:), and that by His victory we have access to a relationship with Him (through the Holy Spirit) - a life of power, love, and hope.

The simplest way I can put the Holy Spirit's involvement is that He's our connection. He's like our WiFi to the goodness of God.

I know all of this is a lot. I'll speak in more practical terms in the next part, but this is all foundational. Think of it like that movie "The Matrix". You have a choice to believe and go as far down the rabbit hole as you'd like, or the choice to ignore everything I'm saying, and continue on with your life as usual.

Now, onto some practical principles to end this post - this stuff is also crucial for a productive Christian walk...  and so that the Christian doesn't become a bigot or flat out weirdo:)

5 Keys to church action (”:carrying it out”)

1 - WORD

Jesus is The Word of God. If you want to hang out with Jesus, just hang out with the Bible. I think that the problem that Christians run into is relying solely on knowledge of God; and honestly, we don't believe that we need too much of that either. Walking with God is very much like getting to know any of person. Yes, you require knowledge to know them, but doing life with them to gain an understanding of them is crucial. There are those who have been married for decades, and will still tell others that they're still trying to get to know their spouse. Imagine trying to get to know God. But, there are two extremes (and most are somewhere in-between):

Those who believe knowledge alone is enough, and those who only rely on a little bit of knowledge to make their judgment. Again, let's go back to getting to know a person. I could read about many people, but that wouldn’t mean that I know them. The information that I read is limited, and there's a lot of interpretation to merely hope that you'd get right. And if you're not even willing to go the mile for the knowledge, then there's really no hope that you'll ever know the person, right??

A lot of Christians that I meet are not truly hungry for knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of God. They'll be content with having the Sunday preacher feed them a little bit, once a week; this makes another point, that The Word is our food. How healthy do you think you'd be if you only ate once a week??

Lastly, as if with any type of book club (church is more than a book club, but in this context it works), everyone gets a chance to add their two cents. Everyone gets to participate in the conversation of understanding what they've all been reading.

Where a lot of churches mess up, is not allowing certain topics to come up, not allowing certain stances to be challenged or at least disagreed with, and not allowing for different perspectives.

When churches shutdown conversation (or limit it), then it can easily become a cult; it can easily become a place of discrimination. The Church can and should know where it stands on certain issues, but disagreements and different perspectives are paramount for our development as a whole. Talking things out is what human beings do in communities. Shutting down and limiting conversation is unnatural; that's how you end up with Christians who feel like robots.

Now, if someone is saying something totally crazy or harmful, then yes, of course, that gets shut down. People also need a sense of authority. But, it has to be an authority who cares for the people, and the people need to feel as though they may freely express themselves.

Three things:

a) We are all called to be students of The Word.

b) Daily meals of the Word will keep us healthy, as Christians.

c) Creating a culture of open, safe, non-judgmental conversation in a church should be seen as foundational.

2 - WORSHIP

When I use the word "worship", I do not mean simply singing songs together or the latest gospel album that was just released. Music is obviously part of worship, but the true meaning of worship is that we are lifting up every aspect of our lives to Christ. It all comes down to what our motivations are as individuals and definitely as a congregation.

You can usually get a sense of a church's motivation by watching what's happening on the stage, on Sunday mornings.

There's a whole lot of false purity going on, on the stage. Sometimes, people are motivated by pride, or greed, or insecurity, or power, etc. If incorrect motives of worship are in the leadership, then those same motives will creep into the congregation as well.

The leadership should all being living lives that lift up Christ (leaving room for grace, of course). The leadership should be producing a congregation that lifts up Christ. And the time of worship/word (even in the events and small groups through the week) should be all about lifting up Christ. Remember what I said about God - it's all about Him. He's really the only One who should be elevated on that stage.

Now, there's a dangerous flip side to what I am saying. What a life of worship looks like can become a mold in the congregation. This mold can be used for self-righteousness, condemnation towards others, and insecurity for others. This mold can be used to manipulate. But, again, what's the motivation in the church. The motivation shouldn't be to create a place that makes any one people group feel comfortable. The motivation shouldn't be to get everyone acting and thinking exactly the same (not in this context - in this context that's a cult). God created all of us differently, and these differences should be celebrated and honored. Within worship there is love. There's love for God, love for what He has called us to do, love for life, and love for each other. If any of that love is lacking, then I question if there's any pure worship going on.

3 - Evangelism -

Wow, that's an old-timey word, that could not be more Christianese. What I, personally mean by that word is broadcasting the goodness of God; this can be done in a variety of ways (here are only some):

a) faithfully performing the job/career that you believe God has called you to b) preaching the Word c) raising a family in the Word and in the way you believe God has called you to d) enduring trials of life in a Godly manner e) discipleship (which I'll talk about next) f) encouraging other believers in faith g) serving the needs of the community h) praying for others i) sharing your stories of faith with others

and so many more.

It used to be believed by many, that you must beat people over the head with the bible in order to be considered to be one who evangelizes, but to keep it simple, it's just sharing with others what God has blessed you with.

4 - Discipleship -

Here is another churchy word (and we've got one more after this to cover). This word simply means “to train”. Back in the day, it was a training that came along with living life with a teacher for a period of time. We are used to going to a scheduled class and then going back to our lives, where we'll study hard or not (probably "not" right??). But, discipleship, back then, was more like consuming a certain subject. In the religious realm, it was seeing the teachings lived-out firsthand. The 12 disciples (and other students of Jesus) got to follow Jesus around and experience not only His teachings, but His life for 3 years.

We obviously live in too busy of times to disciple people like that now. Discipleship, today, looks more like a community of people pouring out their life experiences into one another. At any church, you've got people who have great experience in all kinds of helpful areas - from the bible to stuff around the house to mechanics to economics to science to arts - there is so much that we can learn from one another.

Being a Christian is not simply staying in your room praying, reading your bible, and singing songs. Being a Christian is about living the life that God has designed us to live. I know that statement can rub people the wrong way, but that's because we are so used to corruption. Our default is cynicism. We can't fathom someone completely having our best interest in mind. We can't comprehend going in, fully in servitude to anyone, because we know people in general to be jerks. We assume that following God means that we have to give up our dreams and desires (which is not true btw) So, we're taking all of that skepticism, fear, insecurity, and resentment, and pointing them in the direction of God. It's ok to question the motives of people. It's ok to work towards trust when it comes towards people. And it's also very human to work our way towards trust in God.

The difference between building up trust in people and trust in God is that people are always going to let us down; even people who love us dearly will let us down. God will never let us down. God has literally designed us, so following God will never be a let down; difficult for sure, but not a let down in certainty.

For example, I am a creative person. I believe God wants me using my creative ability in every day life to serve and nurture people. I do this and I feel fulfilled. It's not a burden for me to be creative. Now, to be clear, my overall path with God will definitely lead me down some areas of discomfort and trials and tragedy. But, those things come mainly from living in this screwed up world we have, and not due to doing the things God has designed me to do.

Discipleship is being open to receive training as well as offer it to those in need. We all have areas in which we're strong and areas in which we are weak. The way that discipleship is supposed to work is that we all feed each other, and so all are fed.

5 - Fellowship -

All that this fancy word means is to build community. I put emphasis on the word "build", because as you should know, relationships take work. Think of the amount of work, energy, and even money that go into keeping your family together, healthy (in all ways), and focused. How much more effort do you think it should take to build and keep a whole community; that's what fellowship means - that effort put in.

You won't see any thoughts on typical church arguments written about in this post:

homosexuality, abortion, sex before marriage, drugs, music, money, etc.

I view most of these as secondary to one's walk with Christ and with each other. A lot of these issues, and others come down to how one interprets scripture. We argue over context, intent, translations, and Lord knows what else, and all the while people (and their needs) in congregations and communities are going unnoticed. True worship, in the midst of our nonsense does not happen. People aren't properly fed the word. People aren't properly trained in Christ. Religion can become a lot like politics, where we fight each other while a larger enemy is destroying us all. Like I said earlier, a healthy church is one that is open to talking about all of the important issues, viewing all different perspectives, and seeking to grow in understanding.

Regardless on how all of that shakes out (if it's happening at all), our main mission as a church is to love. We love God, which is to consume His word, obey as best we can (in grace of course), and continue to grow in the knowledge of Him. And to love one another is to truly pursue to serve, honor and get to know one another; that we would put the effort in to building and sustaining our communities.

[thoughtfulfangirling]

3 fixes for Utena

Look. It’s not as tho Utena is the most perfect of perfect shows. But… you know… it’s kinda close considering nothing is perfect. So… yeah. This question is rude. 

It’s further rude given that any change I make, I’ll worry would underscore the overall message of the show just because of how everything is so closely linked together. But… let’s give it a try! 

1. Mitsuru Tswuwabuki almost certainly is saying important things about childhood and the innocence and susceptibility of youth, and he’s also probably important to Nanami’s arc and I desperately need to preserve Nanami’s arc! But still… he bothers me most of the time. We can get rid of him. I’m sure there is something else the writers could come up with to fill the gaps and maybe this is where I’m supposed to do just that but I can’t be bothered to care enough about him and his place in it all. Yep yep. 

2. I know Ikuhara likes to be really hands off about pushing anything that makes what was being done too clear so that things are up for interpretation, but coming down harder on a few points where things are not to be endorsed but rather things happened because characters are flawed. It’s certainly a more realistic way to portray things, not making points to your audience outright, but I think there are a few points where it would have really benefited from conveying to the audience one way or another that while this character keeps saying/doing this thing, the point is that they’re flawed. Given the scope of the flaws in the characters in the show, I think it’s reasonable that sometimes things are lost in ‘is this character flaw or is this making a point about our/the character’s skewed perceptions about healthy relationships/gender roles/etc.’ 

3. Juri declares“I’m a lesbian!” at some point in the show. I don’t care when or where. I just need her dramatically declaring herself. She’s not the type to yell that sort of thing so okay, it doesn’t need to be like that. But come on, a line of heavy emphasis, a brooding tone, maybe in the rain. GIVE IT TO ME IKUHARA! 

THERE! ARE YOU SATISFIED MOON XD

[nth-generation-kpop]

So Nothing’s Left Unturned

Word count: ~1800 Chapter 2/? AU Summary: Bang Chan is dense, Kim Woojin is soft, and Han Jisung Knows. What's. Up.

Chapter II: Flaws

At first he was clueless.

Chan’s arms were wrapped around Woojin, his face buried in Woojin’s shoulder as the other boy laughed. “Channie, that's so great! Now some poor bastard is gonna be sent over here to bring you coffee instead.”

“God, I don’t ever have to balance 12 cups of coffee at once again. Or kick the elevator button because my hands are full. Or bring that idiot Park a croissant because ‘he switched to tea.’” Woojin rubbed his back and Chan let his eyes fall closed for a second. He felt such an incredible sense of relief.

“Slow down there, you've still got 2 months of summer left,” Woojin cautioned, pulling away and causing Chan to take a step back and realize he was full on koala bear-ing the poor guy.

“Yeah, they said they'd start training me on some stuff early though. Ease me in, let me do some shadowing. Plus I'll be training the new guys!”

He must have looked… mischievous, because Woojin’s expression turned disapproving. “You know if those kids show up and talk about what an asshole Bang Chan is I'm gonna get the dirt and then tell them all the embarrassing stories about you.”

“Fiiine, I'll be nice,” Chan said, winking.

Woojin paused. “Hey, so you should let me take you out for coffee sometime. To celebrate.”

Chan wrinkled his nose. “Don’t you get tired of coffee?”

Woojin smirked. “Well, I could take you to dinner instead, if you'd prefer?”

“No, no no no,” Chan replied quickly, shaking his head. “That’s too much, I was just teasing. Here, or…?”

“Not here, no the guys would never let me live that down. How about that place on 6th Avenue, by the College of Pharmacy building?”

“Yeah, okay!” Chan looked down at his phone, noting the time. “I've gotta get back, but text me about the time and stuff. Thursday’s your day off right?”

“Yep, does that work?”

It was Chan’s turn to flash a suave smile. “I can make it work. I'll see you Thursday.”

If Chan would have been paying attention, if he wasn't dense and perhaps a touch sleep deprived, he might have noticed the pink in Woojin’s cheeks.

He didn't.

~~~~~

Over the next week. Chan found himself looking forward to Thursday. Thinking about Thursday. Planning out Thursday. Just generally being excited about Thursday.

He'd have to go into work a little early and stay later than normal, but his bosses gladly granted him two hours off in the afternoon. To be honest he hadn't spent much one-on-one time with Woojin-- he was a little nervous. It was easy being in the cafe together because they were always caught up in the banter and the joking and the laughing that was almost constant with all the other boys-- Woojin was going to realize that Chan was actually pretty shy and not very funny. His horrible dad jokes and innuendos would come off abrasive and uncomfortable if they were alone. It's not that Chan wasn't a genuine person, he was just... anxious. In fact the more he thought about Thursday the more anxious he got-- partially the fear of messing things up and partially the fear of being truly himself around someone he admired. Thursday began to loom ominously ahead of him.

Chan’s closest friends tended to be his oldest friends. He didn’t make friends easily and he simply couldn’t bring himself trust new people. He got himself so worked up about things that he’d said, things they said, and his mind would take over. He would replay conversations in his head only to think up ways they could have been better, things he could have said that would be smoother or less embarrassing or more interesting. With his longtime friends he had overtime been able to take most of the pressure off, mostly by reinforcing over and over again how he didn’t have to be interesting and smooth and not embarrassing around them. And when he did backslide, they’d freely offer the sort of validation that was exactly what he needed.

But new people were hard, and Woojin was new, and that made everything messy. Chan really liked him, really really liked him. It would have been much easier if Woojin was just a cute, funny barista; but he was sweet and kind and caring as well. He asked Chan about his day, fussed over him a bit on extra stressful days, and genuinely tried to take care of Chan where he could. It was a strange feeling, being taken care of by a friend, as Chan was the friend who took care of everybody. Sometimes he felt like he held the weight of them all on his shoulders, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything-- in turn, they held him up as well. Kim Woojin was refreshing in a way that Chan hadn’t experienced before, and he was terrified of fucking it up.

That’s why he latched on to none other than Han Jisung on Thursday.

“Hey, I haven’t told you. Uh, if you need me this afternoon I’ll have my phone on me, but I have to be out of here at 11:50 until about 2. I’m meeting a friend or coffee,” Chan told Jisung, sitting on the empty desk beside the high schooler.

“Oooh, a boyfriend?” Jisung replied, wiggling his eyebrows as he sorted through a giant stack of papers. Ahh, the joys of internship clerical duties.

“Haha, no.” Chan deadpanned. “Just a friend. You might have met him if they’ve sent you to get coffee over at Rosetta? Kim Woojin?”

Jisung smirked. “They don’t send me to get coffee anymore. One time I dropped an entire tray in the BYG lobby. Right on someone’s expensive fancy leather shoes. He kicked up a fuss and so… yeah I sort papers now when I’m not shadowing.”

“How… how did I not hear about that?” Chan demanded.

“I may have told you I spilled one coffee… at the time. Shut up, I was embarrassed. I do know a Kim Woojin who goes here. A writer? Blonde, about yea high” Jisung gestured vaguely.

“Yeah, that sounds like my Woojin. You met him at the coffee shop?”

Jisung frowned. “No, I’ve never actually seen him there. We met last summer in a writing class, he was kind of a mentor.”

“Thursdays are his days off so I guess that makes sense.”

“It’s too bad, I really liked him. We lost touch after the class, but we used to just sit around and write together. He’s fun.”

“Do you, uh, want to come? Get coffee with us? We’re celebrating, I got the internship position for next year so I’ll be actually making music and learning from the people here.”

“Chan, that’s so great! Yeah, I’d love to come! Do you think he’ll mind?”

Chan considered it for a moment before shaking his head. Woojin was pretty easy going, Chan figured he’d actually be happy to see the high schooler once again. Woojin was just...  like that. Plus, Jisung would keep the mood lighter. Chan wouldn’t have to worry about one-on-one time or making a fool of himself because Jisung had the habit of playing everything off as a joke. He was like the other baristas-- yes, Jisung is exactly what he needed. The anxiety in his stomach dissipated a bit; and while he knew he would still replay all the conversations in his head and mentally smack himself for this or that, he’d be more calm in the moment. Less panic meant less embarrassment which meant less retrospective horror. This was good.

He grabbed Jisung before he left and they headed around the corner to the cafe they were meeting Woojin at. Jisung asked why they wouldn’t just go to Rosetta and Chan brushed the comment off, saying Woojin probably just wanted a change in scenery. When they arrived, the genuine surprise in Woojin’s eyes made Chan smile. He was totally caught off guard, and after shooting a confused look at Chan, his normal smile fell back into place and he pulled Jisung in for a warm hug. Everything went so smooth, and having Jisung around kept a lot of the attention off him. The mixture of celebrating, Woojin and Jisung catching up, and them all exchanging stories was easy and comfortable and perfect.

By the time Jisung left, Chan was confident and calm enough that he only felt little flutters in his stomach-- no shaking hands, no racing mind. It was a good sign. Maybe Woojin’s smile was a little more tight-lipped than normal, and maybe Jisung jokingly texted him ‘dude did you invite me on your date????’ and a bunch of laughing emojis; but Chan put that all out of his mind and considered it a success. It definitely wasn’t a date, that’s for sure. His social anxiety gave him a one-up on other people, and usually he was the one over interpreting social cues. Still, he went to sleep that night thinking yeah, it might be nice to date Kim Woojin one day. Maybe that was in the cards for him.

~~~~~

Kim Woojin 4:21pm … You didn’t crash anything per say, I really enjoyed seeing you But yes, you kinda did crash our date which means he didn’t think it was a date. Which is awkward.

Han Jisung 4:22pm :( sorry hyung…. but maybe u should ask him point blank if he likes u?

Kim Woojin 4:24pm You’re cute, it’s okay if he doesn’t like me! I’m fine with it, we’ll just be friends. 

Han Jisung 4:24pm BUT WHAT IF HE DOES LIKE U AND HES JUST DENSE

Kim Woojin 4:25pm He doesn’t, you know he doesn’t. You were there on our not-date. He’s not interested and that’s okay

Han Jisung 4:25pm But… :(

Kim Woojin 4:25pm There’s other fish in the sea. They may not have those dimples but I’m gonna have to settle Seriously, it was really good seeing you kid. Let me know when you’re going to be here again

Han Jisung 4:27pm Okay hyung, if you insist ;) I missed you, it felt like old times 

Kim Woojin 4:27pm You’re the silver lining for the train wreck that was today Can you… not tell anybody about it? I’m a little embarrassed… 

Han Jisung 4:28pm My lips are sealed!! 

Kim Woojin 4:29pm Thanks, have a good train ride home, text me when you get there safe

Han Jisung 4:30pm <3<3<3

Read on AO3

[trickstercaptain]

I agree with everything you said. Jack’s relationship with both women showed how he had changed during those five years of working for EITC. but I think it would have been better if the one with Esmeralda were for the past and flashbacks, like it could show that they broke things not because something sad happened between them but because they accepted the fact that they had different paths and wanted different things in life. (kind of like Han Solo and Qi’ra in Solo movie.tho I don’t know if you’re a starwars fan!) It could show in the main timeline that they still cared and adored each other even just as friends. it felt weird that he would jump from Esm to Ayisha and then back with Esm Like it was a mere play for him even if the women didn’t really care.

cont.  But damn do I want to see an interaction between Esmeralda and Angelica! They’re like long lost sisters!

yep anon I 100% agree with that last part, I do think that Crispin should have stuck with the one love interest, whether that was Esmeralda or Amenirdis/Ayisha, because while it does kinda get explained away as Jack’s ‘nature’ in the conversation that both ladies have, it still feeds into that wider fandom perception of Jack being a womaniser ---- which is a completely valid assumption to make from textual evidence, if a reductive one that I actively try to steer away from in my own interpretation of his character. 

but also I think it’s partly the fault of not getting any insight from Jack’s perspective as to his feelings about both women and how he reconciles the fact that he’s interested in both of them at the same time ( if I remember correctly, the only thing we get is when he catches both of them laughing about him after their chat and has this inner ??? moment lmao ). admittedly Jack not reconciling it is also evidence of how in his mind it’s not even an issue to be considered, because unless you delve into the context that a) Jack did not have a traditional upbringing/was brought up around sex workers and sailors with a very different attitude towards relationships and sex, therefore monogamy is likely not viewed by him in the same way as his more civilised contemporaries and by us as readers/an audience, and b) that by the nature of their lives at sea and separation, Jack and Esmeralda probably have an unspoken agreement that their relationship is not exclusive or monogamous, you wouldn’t infer this easily just by reading TPOF. 

so it’s definitely a flaw, and something that can be explained but honestly it would have been a lot easier to just stick with the one --- however I personally think the reason why two made the cut is because Crispin was first asked by Disney to write her prequel book about Barbossa’s mutiny ( and it saddens me that no manuscripts or plot details from that have ever surfaced ), and then she was asked to change it to the Beckett stuff which is what it became. considering Esmeralda has an Aztec tattoo that she shows to Jack, my feeling is that she was one of the few surviving concepts from the mutiny story, and Amenirdis was obviously introduced later alongside the Zerzura plot

[anneapocalypse]

Carolina and the Sarcophagus Mission

Or, everything Carolina did on the Sarcophagus mission was appropriate in the context of a military setting and her position in Project Freelancer.

Yeah, I said that.

Buckle in, kids. We’re going for a ride.

Disclaimer: This is not a “Carolina has done nothing wrong, ever, in her life” post. I have many posts in which I have discussed her flaws, her weaknesses, and her mistakes, and that’s going to happen in this post as well. This is not about putting forth Carolina as a flawless person or a perfect leader. 

What I do intend to do here is place Carolina’s actions on one particular mission in their proper context: the context of the military generally and Project Freelancer specifically. In doing so, I mean to demonstrate that her actions, in that context, were not inappropriate.

As always, these are my personal opinions based on my best interpretation of canon. You can disagree with me and I welcome discussion but I ask that you at least meet me halfway and provide examples from the text, as I have done.

Let’s start from the beginning: the briefing.

Now, some fans love to lay any issues with the team assignments on Carolina, which I find rather odd, as it is already established that it is Alpha who is determining deployments, and some of the tactics as well. When the Counselor questions the team deployed to the Bjørndal facility in the very beginning of season 9, the Director says, “The system will determine what is best, Counselor; the system will determine the order.” Before Carolina gives her team the briefing for the Sarcophagus mission, we see the Director discussing the mission plans, not with Carolina, but with Alpha. From these two scenes, it seems pretty clear that Alpha was making some decisions, and Carolina was working within certain parameters that she was given.

I would also like to note that Carolina is still number one at this time. Just so there’s no confusion whatsoever, the Director himself says to the entire squad, “As our number one, Carolina will be leading from the field.”

You know who isn’t on the board at all at this time? Agent Texas.

You know who isn’t at the briefing? Agent Texas.

You know who isn’t on Carolina’s mission roster, never mind assigned to a team and given a task that Carolina even knows about? Agent Texas.

Put a pin in that. We’ll get to that later.

I’ve occasionally seen criticism of Carolina’s decision to let York join them on the mission, but even given York’s difficulties with the lock, I have a hard time seeing that as a bad call considering how much York contributes to the success of the mission. As for the lockpicking itself--given Wash’s dubious response to being assigned as backup, it’s highly probable that York at only 50% of his best is still a better lockpick than Wash, especially given that the holographic lock was a surprise even to York. York trips the alarm, but he does get them in. We can’t know whether Wash would’ve been able to accomplish even that; he’s a highly skilled soldier, but lockpicking isn’t his specialty.

The alarm is the first hitch in the mission, and Team A handles that deftly enough. It’s Carolina’s quick and creative thinking that finds a solution to get the crate to the roof, and as she does so, she uses each member of her team appropriately, with a clear awareness of their differing skill sets. York arguably seems to be a bit distracted working near Carolina, so she sends him to set trackers and find an exit; thus, York is able to alert them to approaching enemies and then finds the window-washing rig on the roof. Maine’s, ah, physical advantages allow them to use the rig to move the crate. Wash, Carolina keeps at her side because he is almost certainly the best mid-range marksman on the team and thus the best one to help hold their position while they move the crate. You can pick on the lineup of Team B all you want, but Team A seems to have been designed for success. Everyone on that team has a unique skill set and serves a vital role.

And yes, Carolina does show off some fancy moves during the battle in the vault. But she does not do so to the detriment of the mission or any of her teammates. She knows her team well enough to effectively utilize each of their strengths, as well as her own--and what she does works.

It’s on the roof that the first real wrench is thrown in the mission, when Team A runs into Agent Texas.

I don’t think they were supposed to run into Tex here. It’s possible that, as with the oil platform, they weren’t supposed to know Tex was deployed at all, and that’s why Tex remains silent, refusing to answer any of Carolina’s questions. Carolina starts putting the pieces together pretty quickly anyway; she remembers being dropped in on other missions as backup, and if the Bjørndal mission is representative, she would intervene only as a last resort. So why is Tex here? When the team find themselves surrounded by enemy soldiers on the roof, it’s Carolina and York who get them out of it, York successfully distracting the leader while Carolina slips into camo. Tex clearly is not there to rescue them, because she doesn’t do that. She joins in once Carolina starts taking out enemy soldiers, and she’s the one to kick the sarcophagus off the roof, but at no point does she check to make sure Team A is all right, just grabs a jetpack for herself and leaps. It’s pretty clear that “Help the team” was not in Tex’s orders.

And, you know, the Director fires (what is probably) a MAC round from orbit at the building where his daughter and several of his top agents are--and I’m not joking when I say I’ve seen people blame Carolina and the other Freelancers for that orbital bombing, even though it’s made very clear that none of them knew the Director was going to do this, and in fact Carolina’s “Is that a bomb?” when she spots the transmitter sounds just short of horrified.

Luckily, the Freelancers have a great pilot with a damn near magical ability to be in the right place at the right time, and that ability seems to have rubbed off on the team heavy. Also, this planet apparently has pretty weak gravity. 

Anyway, what’s the first thing Carolina does when they’re back on solid ground? She radios North, the leader of Team B, to check their status. That’s when she learns that Team B has utterly failed their objective and are pinned down, wounded, and taking fire.

And Carolina, who is of course so hyper-competitive, selfish, and tunnel-visioned that she places the objective above the welfare of her squad, heads straight for Team B’s objective to take advantage of their failure for her own personal glory, and--

Oh. Wait.

That’s not what happens. 

That’s not what happens at all.

Carolina says, “We’ll be right there.”

Yep. She knows exactly how important this mission is, she knows exactly how critical the timing is, she knows that a wild card has been dropped into this mission in the form of the mysterious new agent who is not on the leaderboard and about whom she knows next to nothing--

and her first priority is still getting to Team B and making sure they’re okay.

It is North who objects, saying, “Negative! Get the package! Get it out of the city.”

And only then does Carolina roger that and direct her team to the secondary objective, trusting North’s judgment and his ability to get his team out alive. Only after hearing it from North himself.

So Team A (minus Wash, who’s already been picked up by Niner) rushes to head the car off at the pass (”Head ‘em off at the pass? I hate that cliche.”) and Maine finishes the job quick and dirty. 

Now they just need to make it to extraction. And this is where things get messy: that freeway sequence. At this point, their enemies are in pursuit and holding the briefcase becomes the main concern.

This is where Tex intervenes--and this was clearly planned. Tex radios the ship and has the Director fire an ordnance pod to her location--a pod that contains a motorcycle, and which had to have been prepared ahead of time. Tex went into this mission prepared to intervene on the freeway if needed. Somebody--and whether it’s Tex or the Director is really left up to interpretation but I lean heavily toward the latter--decided that it was necessary.

All of which is fine, except for one major problem:

The Director never tells Carolina this.

At no point does the Director, Carolina’s command, tell her that Tex has been deployed on this mission at all, never mind give her an order to stand down. The person who tells Carolina to stand down is Tex--and here’s where we come back to that rank problem.

Tex is not on the leaderboard.

Tex has no rank.

Tex has no authority over Carolina. Not by standard military protocol, and not by the unique ranking system used within Project Freelancer.

Carolina is still number one, and thus, the ranking leader on this mission, and the only person from whom Carolina is obliged to take orders is the Director. There is absolutely no reason for Carolina to defer to this newcomer with no rank, no authority, who has not even been briefed with her team, or worked with them at all.

Carolina is responsible for this mission. If the mission fails, it is her fault, because she is the ranking leader and that’s how the military works.

And here’s where we need to look past the framing to understand what’s actually happening: we, the viewers, know that Tex is capable of achieving the objective because we know who Tex is. We’re inclined to be sympathetic to Tex and her demand that Carolina stand down because we know Tex, and we know that at least as far as completing a mission, she can be trusted.

Carolina does not know this, and even if she did, she still has no reason to disregard the chain of command. In fact, it would be highly irregular for her to do so.

Yet the dialogue between Carolina and York places the emphasis on Carolina’s personality rather than on the context of military protocol. “Don’t let her grab it first!” “Who cares who gets it first?” “I do.” It’s worth noting, too, that prior to Tex’s interference, Carolina appears unconcerned with who on her team has the objective physically in hand; it’s Maine that she allows to both acquire and protect the briefcase, until he is wounded. In fact the only reason their opponents get the case back in the first place is because Maine bodily blocks a sniper shot from taking out Carolina, and is briefly knocked out--and Carolina responds in kind by defending him later in the same scene as they fight together on the flatbed. Right up until the end chase sequence, everything that Carolina does on this mission is with a team mentality.

But because of that brief exchange of dialogue with York, it is Carolina’s competitiveness that the audience remembers at the end of this sequence, rather than what actually happened. (The Freelancer seasons do this a lot, framing Carolina by what York says about her, even when it’s at odds with the context of her actions, and if you’re not interesting in looking at Carolina through the York Lens at all times, it’s really annoying.)*

Carolina undertakes an extremely high-risk chase to secure the secondary objective. She does this herself, rather than asking any of her team to do it, both because she wants to win and because she is the only one left on her team who can. Wash and Maine have already been extracted; the only person Carolina even has left is York, and York has a bad eye, no speed unit and no grappling gun. There’s no conceivable way that York could’ve followed Carolina through the chase that ensues, where she’s not only moving at super speed but swinging between buildings by her grappling hook.

Tactically, going solo here is the right call. It’s the only call.

And had Tex not interfered, it’s entirely possible Carolina would have succeeded in re-acquiring the objective on her own. Given the moves she pulls off in this end sequence, it’s not at all implausible to say she would’ve found a way to bring down that Hornet.

Am I saying that Carolina’s motives were pure and selfless? No, of course not. She is extremely competitive and she wants not just to carry out the mission but to maintain her position as the leader (and the effects of basing squad leadership on a system so tenuous it can shift at any moment at the whims of the Director and forcing teammates to essentially fight each other for that position such that even a difficult training match could cause a squad member to lose rank could be an essay in itself). She’s understandably not real keen on the prospect of Tex swooping in and stealing her victory out from under her. 

And that’s exactly what Tex does. As @seekerwing4​ recently pointed out, Carolina and her team do the vast majority of the work to complete this mission, and they take the beating for it too--both Team A and Team B have wounded, including Carolina herself. But because it is Tex who picks up the briefcase at the end, leaving Carolina limping across the freeway without so much as an offer of help, Tex receives the credit, and the reward: the number one spot.

The Sarcophagus mission shows us the beginning of Carolina’s downward spiral in the Freelancer seasons, but I think many viewers misunderstand just what happens to Carolina on this mission. Yes, she is competitive. You can criticize her motives for not being pure and wholesome and selfless, if you must. But that doesn’t mean that her actions were wrong. Carolina did everything she was supposed to do on this mission. She made sure that both objectives were completed, while looking out for the welfare of her team. The mission was a success. Everyone came home alive.

It’s Tex who acted outside the chain of command, outside the rules and protocols that would have been second nature for anyone in the military.

And Tex is rewarded for that.

And that, I would argue, is what begins Carolina’s spiral. Not simply the inception of their rivalry, not simply being bumped down the board, but the lesson the Director taught Carolina when he deliberately undermined her leadership, and rewarded Tex for openly challenging her in the field.

And let me be clear: I don’t blame Tex for any of this. I’m of the view that Tex initially believed her rivalry with Carolina was a friendly one, and I also think the Director isolated her from the squad to a degree that she didn’t fully understand how she came across to them. I also think her later frustration with Carolina, from her perspective, is justified. 

None of this is Tex’s fault or Carolina’s. It’s entirely the Director’s.

Imagine how much more smoothly things might have gone if Tex had only been allowed to train with the rest of the squad, to be briefed with them, to work with them rather than against them.

Instead, in what we can only assume is a deliberate choice by the Director, Carolina and Tex are pitted against each other, and this lack of communication from above arguably does far more to jeopardize the mission and the squad’s safety than anything Carolina does individually.

Furthermore, by his actions, the Director tells Carolina that the rules are to be broken, and that he intends to reward not strong leadership and teamwork, but lone-wolfing and going off the books.

Carolina does exactly that throughout the latter half of season 10, because that is what she has been told will be rewarded. That is what she has been shown, again and again, that her command wants.

There is no such thing as a purely objective reading of anything. We all bring our own experiences and biases to the table, myself included. But taking the framing at face value without considering whether it lines up with the rest of the text is not a neutral reading, either. It’s simply accepting the biases inherent in the framing, rather than questioning them. And that’s why, when I’m analyzing characters, I try as much as possible to cut through the framing and get to the raw text of the canon material, and build my interpretations from there.

I’m not saying my interpretation is gospel. I’m simply asking viewers to try and cut through the often-skewed framing and our own unexamined biases (such as that contempt and revulsion response many of us are conditioned to have toward women who are ambitious and not outwardly warm or nurturing), and to look at what is actually happening on the screen. To look at characters’ actions for what they are, not as they are framed.

And if you still believe that Carolina acted wrongly on this mission, that’s your prerogative. I would only ask you, if you’re going to argue the point, to consider what, exactly, she did wrong, what she should have done differently, and how she should have known to act differently based on the information she currently had. I would ask you to consider actions, not abstract personality traits that you personally find distasteful. (You might even consider whether you feel similarly toward male characters who take similar actions, or whether you find those personality traits equally distasteful in male characters.)

In conclusion: in the context of the military and of Project Freelancer, and in giving the text of the show the closest and most accurate reading I can, I see no evidence that Carolina acted wrongly or inappropriately on this particular mission. She did exactly what she had every reason to believe was expected of her. It was the unspoken shift in those expectations, and her struggle to keep up with them, that would ultimately come close to destroying her. 

*For more on framing and how it tends to override the rest of the text in visual media, I highly recommend watching Lindsay Ellis’s video essay on Mikaela Banes in the Transformers movies; it’s an excellent introduction to the topic.

EDITED TO ADD: @falling-towards-the-sky was kind enough to edit together this supercut of the Sarcophagus mission with the “Who cares who gets it first?” dialogue removed. If you’re interested in looking at this topic further I highly recommend giving it a full watch, but if you’re in a hurry you can start at the 17 minute mark to see the re-framing of the end chase sequence specifically. Consider how the removal of that dialogue changes how Carolina’s actions appear--notably, that her order for York to bail out closely follows Maine being wounded while trying to protect the briefcase and her.