#cons - idk ptsd trauma?

[moghedien]

it would be low key fucked up if Shadowheart was a werewolf and you romanced her as durge, because in the game, Shadowheart clearly is not aware of if she is a werewolf, and if she goes and asks her dad about it (which you can have her do even if you aren't playing her origin and she's just a companion btw, he'll give Shadowheart more info than the pc) he'll say she probably isn't if she hasn't had any symptoms by now, and he'll mention some symptoms, like being suddenly hairier and craving warm flesh

and so like, just imagine how fucked up it would be if like post-game, durge is redeemed and free of urges and isn't fantasizing about tearing people apart with their bare hands and bathing in their blood anymore and they're so relieved and just gonna live a quiet normal life with Shadowheart

and then like a few weeks after the game, Shadowheart starts fantasizing all the time about tearing flesh with her teeth and warm blood

[telesodalite]

With Krok now on my mind, it's reminded me of like, the whole deal of him coping with the loss of his squad by believing they'd just become separated? Because that bit is such a fascinating aspect of his character to me.

It's vague in a way that doesn't totally confirm whether he truly 100% deluded himself, or if he just kept telling himself that to try and distract from the truth and memories he didn't want to face.

(Which, for some reason this pisses Misfire off? Which implies something really interesting there about Misfire and his own coping mechanisms and issues that we don't get much of a peer into unfortunately.)

Anyway, I spent way too long thinking about it when I was reading through the comics. And it's like, did studying battles and strategy play a part in this delusion/lie?

Like, you're a being that lives for millions of years, in the middle of a war spanning those millions of years. So, at some point, surely those battles are going to start to blur together. So you've got that, and then you go and face a frankly horrifically traumatic fight that quite literally rips the people you cared about most, and felt responsible for, apart.

Presumably, Decepticons aren't the greatest at handling shell shock and other such side effects of war. So they just take this freshly traumatized mess of a dude, take him off the front lines and plant him on a warworld to aid the fight from a more comfortable distance.

With all this, the mind is bound to be fickle when faced with such sudden loss and change. But Krok obviously did his job there, or at least he was very knowledgeable on history and tactics beforehand.

Either way, he studied battle after battle, went through records of fight after fight, planned for what's next and reconsidered what had already happened. Hundreds of wins and losses.

So did it get jumbled there? In having a head full of battles, did some of them blur and mix with the one that took everything away from him? In trying to solve the failures of past battles, did he try and find where a victory could've been had against the wreckers that day? Did he find a solution that would've had his squad still whole and alive?

From there, did it slip into delusion, or a desperate lie to keep himself going?

I feel like his "mental health matters" moment was an interesting insight into it and possibly the average soldier's rough outlook on trauma. But it was still very surface level I think, but I guess going too deep into the why's and how's wouldn't have been important until maybe the Scavenger centric comics that uh, never happened :/

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

[notiddygothgf]

𝟎

★ pairings: suguru geto x satoru gojo, satosugu

★ synopsis: Suguru Geto struggles with letting people in after leaving a three-year-long abusive relationship. Enter Satoru Gojo, the boy who doesn't seem to take no for an answer.

★ c.w.: slow burn, mutual pining, explicit sexual content, dub con elements, implied/referenced rape/non-con, mahito is a real abusive asshole, past relationship(s), past abuse, recovery, hurt, comfort, vent fic, based on my shitty ex, my therapist told me it'd be a good idea idk, im a good writer I swear, brought to u by the bch who wrote best friend's brother!choso, sexual tension, new love, fluff, angst, smutt, graphic, psychological trauma, theres a happy ending in here I swear, angst with a happy ending, psychological trauma, PTSD, idiots in love, sexy smut I swear.

★ a/n: NGL I kinda hate how this turned out. but! it had to be done! I had to get it out of the way. the way I think this is gonna work is past flashbacks first, present time next. it's gonna prob alternative between the two for a while. comment your thoughts! let me hear u! feel free to slander mahito... he plays the shitty ex.

★ w.c.; 3.4k

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐔 𝐍 𝐅 𝐎 𝐑 𝐓 𝐔 𝐍 𝐀 𝐓 𝐄    𝐀 𝐈 𝐋 𝐌 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

PROLOGUE

2019. MONTH UNKNOWN.

I WAS ONLY 12 YEARS OLD the first time I tried to kill myself. In retrospect, I can’t possibly imagine what could have been so important to little me that he firmly believed he would rather die than live without it. I wish I could say that I had a difficult life. That simply was not the case. I grew up with two loving parents and a kind brother, in a small town where every friend I’d ever had was within a mile of me at any given point in time. We weren’t rich, but we most certainly weren’t poor. I had everything a child could ask for and so much more.

Again, I wish that I could say I had a difficult life, but that simply was not the case. 

It’s just that I’ve had these… thoughts for as long as I can remember. An unfortunate ailment, if you will. No matter what I did, there always seemed to be something missing. Something I felt I would spend my whole life searching for – or at least trying to supplement.

At 12 years old, I planned my first attempt.

It didn’t work.

So, now, faced with the unbearable burden of deciding what I was going to do for the rest of my life, I chose to pursue a childhood dream of mine. I wanted to go to school to become a doctor. I didn’t know what kind, per se, but I knew that I wanted to heal. 

Maybe I thought, I don’t know… that if I healed enough people, I may have been rid of the ailment – healed, myself.

So I left my small town, enrolling in an academy 30 minutes away from the house. I got into their Healthcare program. Again, what more could a kid want?

Yet the void inside of me only grew larger, more ravenous. I lost touch with all of my small town friends – one by one. I had no one.

But I was pursuing my passion, right? Why wasn’t it enough?

It was in that godforsaken academy that I met him.  

“Pick a card,” he asked me. His grey eyes were so sharp, even then. “Any card.”

I glanced down at the fanned-out deck in his pale hand, eyes crawling over the many different suits and shapes before eventually settling on an ace. I pulled the card out. 

Ace of spades. I tried to memorize it. I also, coincidentally, tried my best to ignore the incessant thrum of my racing heartbeat against my veins, my arteries, my chest. He was sitting so close to me.

It was just the two of us in the hallway. Just me and him and the infinite space between us, the small gap between my right shoulder and his left. 

I handed it back to him. “What are you doing?” I asked.

He slipped the card back into the deck without looking. He shuffled it once, twice, three times. Made a bridge with his hands and let the cards fall back into place. I watched with a remarkable sense of interest.

“Is this your card?” He tucked a stray blue hair behind his ear, producing a card.

I furrowed my brows, about to say something, when I noticed something off about the card. It was different. Where there once was a large blue spade, there now was a small, torn piece of lined paper taped to the surface. The gray lettering on the handwritten note read,

WILL U GO OUT W/ ME?

My eyes went as wide as saucers. My mouth lolled open, lips shaped around his cursed name, “Mahito, I…” 

I thought of my parents. I thought of my religious father. What would he say? What would he say if he found out his 14-year-old son was a homosexual?

I thought of my parents, and I bit my lip, “I don’t know if I can… I don’t know. What if my dad finds out?”

Mahito tucked the deck of cards neatly into the pocket of his black cargo pants. His hoodie was rolled up to his elbows, revealing intricate stick-and-poke linework over his forearms. He shrugged, humming, “Who says he has to?”

The tardy bell rang. We were late for first period.

My mouth opened by itself again. At fourteen, I wasn’t so sure I was ready to lie to my father about something so serious. Not yet.

Seemingly sensing my hesitance, Mahito laid a hand on my stiff shoulder. “Hey,” he muttered softly. “Think about it. Give me your answer after school, yeah? We’ll meet here at 3:30.”

And then he slipped away with a quiet, ‘See ya’.

Without confirmation.

In his absence, I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

2019 February.

Mahito ran away from home two weeks into our relationship. Ran away without so much as a notice or a warning. Ran away and left me there to assume the worst. He didn’t live in the best area. Perhaps he was staying with a friend? If not, was he dead in a ditch somewhere?

There was no way to tell.

He could have at least told me, I had thought. Then again, would I have tried to stop him? Undoubtedly.

They issued a missing persons alert the day after he didn’t show up. I remember seeing the poster all over my social media, all over the streetlights and posts. 

It didn’t seem real. Even as I held the missing poster in my trembling hand, I remember feeling numb. I remember feeling as if this were all some sort of cruel prank, that he would be back just in time for our after-school walk with a smile on his face.

 But there he was, smiling up at me from the page in my hand. 

MISSING PERSON: MAHITO 

Height: 5’8

Weight: 150

Eye color: gray

Hair color: blue

Remarkable features: tattoos on arms

Last seen: February 14th.

I crumpled the piece of paper up, tossing it across my messy bedroom with a sigh. I hadn’t slept last night, and I wouldn’t have slept tonight either.

I sunk into myself, curled into a ball on my twin-sized mattress – the same one I’d had for as long as I could remember – and cried. I was utterly inconsolable. I cried until my voice was hoarse, until there were no more tears left to cry.

Until my phone buzzed.

I assumed it was another homework notification. I didn’t check. What did it matter? In my eyes, my world had stopped spinning. It had stopped the moment he ran away.

But it buzzed again, and again.

It was then that I realized I was getting a call. Begrudgingly, I picked my phone up off of the bed. I turned it over. The screen was lit up with the words ‘NO CALLER ID’. 

I wanted to hang up. Desperately. Wanted to save myself a shred of peace and dignity and move on with my night – in hindsight, I probably should have just hung up when I had the chance. But, no, I felt something in my gut call out to me.

Against my better judgment, I answered, “Hello?”

The line crackled. “Suguru?”

Suguru. 

My heart leapt up into my throat. With wide eyes, I answered again, “Who’s this?”

“Suguru, it’s me, Mahito,” He sighed with relief, like he hadn’t expected me to pick up. Truth be told, I hadn’t expected it either. “I’m sorry I couldn’t call you sooner, my love. I’m calling you from a phone booth right now.”

My love. The nickname sounded like honey coming from his lips, but I knew it was laced with venom. Still, as would seem to be the trend, I was weak for it. 

My eyes began to water again, somehow. “Where are you?”

I knew better than to call him ‘baby’. Not when my father was sleeping in the room next to mine. 

“I can’t tell you that right now,” He answered. Of course, he couldn’t. There always seemed to be something he was hiding from me. I didn’t see it that way back then. “Look, I don’t have much time to talk, I–”

“I’ve been worried sick about you, Mahi,” I spoke again. I felt numb. So numb. “Please, just–”

“I stole ten grand from my mom,” He cut me off. “I’m running away from home. The abuse, it’s just– I can’t. I can’t, anymore.”

His mother was a real piece of shit. I knew that. She never wanted Mahito, not as a single mother. So she tried multiple times to be rid of him – beating him senseless with hangers and wires and even going so far as to attempt to poison him on his birthday. 

Still, ten grand was a lot of money.

Stolen.

“I’m on the run from the cops, I– I think they’re trying to find me,” He panted into the microphone. “You can’t tell anyone, okay? You gotta lie for me.”

I felt sick. Sick to my fucking stomach.

“I’m sorry, I…” I trailed off, holding back vomit. “Hold on.”

I ran to the bathroom and promptly emptied the contents of my stomach into the sink. I had just eaten mac and cheese an hour or so ago, and the vomit was tinted yellow. I could still see a few noodles here and there, only partially digested.

It made me want to hurl again.

“You okay?” he asked me.

“Am I– No, I’m not fucking okay, Mahito! First, you run away without–” I had to swallow bile a second time. I felt it burn as it slid back down my throat. “You could have fucking warned me , or something, and now you’re calling me at eleven at night to tell me you’re fleeing the fucking cops?”

He paused. “I know,” he said. “I know, I’m sorry. You know I love you.”

And immediately, like some sort of magic trick, I felt my exterior soften. I didn’t even care that we were only a few weeks into our relationship. He was my first. It was like he knew the effect he had on me. 

“Suguru,” he said again. “I love you.”

His words were like honey. I took a spoonful.

“I love you, too,” I sighed into the receiver. 

“You’ll keep quiet about this for me, right?”

I was weak for him, as always.

“Okay,” I said.

I found myself sitting at my desk in the middle of the day, struggling to concentrate on the lesson. The classmates at my table – more like a group of desks placed together – were talking about the missing boy.

My missing boy.

They were talking to me, actually, but I had long since tuned them out. It was all a blur for me – a blur of faces and voices and words I didn’t want to hear. 

“He’s a freak,” The boy across from me, Choso Kamo, remarked. “If I were you, I’d break things off before it’s too late.”

Choso’s critical words sent a sharp pang right through my rotten heart. 

“Exactly,” My friend, Shoko, chimed in. She was a pretty thing, about a few inches shorter than me with brown hair up to her chin. She always looked so tired . I wonder if she recognized that I felt the same. “He’s got some serious issues. Guys like that rarely make for healthy relationships.”

Choso leaned in, leaned over the desk to offer more of his thoughts, “You can’t just ignore the fact that more people are catchin’ on, either. What if your dad finds out? You know he thinks that… kind of stuff is wrong.”

Choso was Shoko’s friend. He wasn’t homophobic. A little misguided, but he had the spirit. Hell if he weren’t a raging heterosexual, I might have even gone for him instead. He had that look I liked – sleepy, downturned, dark eyes framed by messy bangs. He never wore colors. He was content to make a statement in black. Black eyeliner, black shirt, black doc martens, black hair done up into two messy pigtails. 

It was his signature look.

Our classmates didn’t take too kindly to ‘emos’ like him, though. He was an outcast. Hell, we all were. That’s why we sat together, after all.

The harsh opinions of my classmates threatened to erode my self assurance. I knew people were talking – people always talked. I knew the hushed whispers of my name as I walked past people and cliques in the mornings on my way to class weren’t a hallucination. 

I knew I had to stand by my boyfriend. I knew I had to stand by Mahito, but the weight of their disapproval put a strain on my shoulders. Does anyone want to hear that their friends don’t approve of their partner?

Admittedly, he wasn’t a very good partner. He had demonstrated that much in the first few weeks of our relationship. I knew he wasn’t good for me, but, fuck, I wanted to try. I wanted to make things work so badly that I ached for it. Everyone else knew he wasn’t good for me, too. 

But, fuck, was I naive to wish I could prove them all wrong?

In my eyes, he was only misunderstood. The ghosting, the red flags, the alarming behavior… I could see past it all because I loved him. My first love. No one understood him the way I did. How could I blame them for their concerns?

It didn’t matter how many voices I had in my ear telling me it was wrong. Soon, he would come home to me, and I would feel his skin against my cheek as I hugged him hello. That’s all that mattered.

How could that be wrong?

“It’s not wrong. How could it be?” I kept my gaze trained on my desk. My vision was blurry, unfocused. My mind felt numb and detached. I muttered. “I love him. He loves me, too. He told me he did.”

He did.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Choso and Shoko exchange a dubious look. 

They didn’t understand him the way I did.

“He told me he loved me,” I repeated the words like a mantra, like a reminder to myself that I was fighting for something. 

That as long as I was loved by him, I would be okay. 

He called again that night. Earlier, this time, at nine o’clock. 

I was in the shower at that time, curled up on the floor, sobbing into my arms. The water streamed past my shoulders, my arms, my nose. I glanced over at the screen through blurry eyes. 

NO CALLER ID.

I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.

Then, I let the call ring.

Current Day. 

[12:13 PM]

[Automated]: you have 3 new messages. Play back?

[USER] Selected:

[NO] ...

... [View Inbox]

...

[ Last 6 Years ].

[REPLAY>>] Message from 'Blocked Number'.

Transcription:

" Suguru, this is me, Mahito. I don’t know if you can hear me or not– I don’t know if anyone can hear you or not, so please use headphones, or something, I don’t know. I just wanted to call and make sure you’re okay. I’m gonna try and call you later. Right now you seem to not be answering your phone for some reason. Doesn’t matter, though. I’m not in a really good place, right now, I’m… surrounded by a lot of people. So, um.. I just wanted to say that I love you, and I’ll call you a little bit later, okay? Bye– kisses…….”  

[End of Transcription] 

[Automated]: Would you like to play the next message?

[ Yes. ]

“ Suguru, is this– this is me, Mahito. Um.. I just wanted to say that I’m okay. Nothing has happened to me yet. I’m perfectly safe. I’m in a laundromat somewhere. And, uh, I said I love you… I don’t know why you’re not answering my calls… You know that I always try to text you whenever I can– and try to… call you, but… I don’t know, maybe you’re too depressed, or some shit. Maybe you’re mad at me. I understand. I– what I did was wrong, I… What I did was idiotic, and what I did was stupid, and shitty… And I understand if you’re mad at me and you don’t wanna answer my calls. So, yeah, I gues… I’ll try to call you again tomorrow. 

If you’re hearing this voicemail, but you probably won’t, um… I just want you to know that I love you. And I’m trying to do my best just… to see you again. You like pizza, don’t you? How about we do a pizza date sometime, yeah? Somewhere around next week, maybe. Huh? How about that? Sounds cool, right? Yeah, yeah it does. Um, anyway, I… gotta… I gotta go. I have to… do some things. Uh… uh… at least I love you. 

And, I– I might not have brought much with me, but I have the little stuffie that you gave me. It’s in my book bag. Not gonna take it out because people are gonna know what my things look like. I’m always gonna keep these memories close to my heart. I don’t care what anybody says. Even if I go to prison, I’m taking this shit with me. Alright? Um, I guess that’s it. And… last thing? I love you. 

Please, answer me. If you’re calling, that means you actually care, but if you don’t, then… it’s fine. Don’t recall this number. I’m not gonna respond. This is just some random guy’s phone. Okay? Um… I love you, and please stay safe. Please don’t worry, I’m still alive. I miss you. Okay, bye, I love you.”

 [End of Voicemails Received on February 18th, 2019].

[Automated]: Would you like to replay the messages?

[ No. ]

[ Delete ] > [ All messages from {Blocked Number}] 

[Automated]: Are you sure?

[Yes]

[Automated]: Deleting all messages from {Blocked Number}.

THE WIND BLEW IN HEAVY from below, sending a plethora of leaves flying out in all directions. As I knelt down to test the current with my fingers, my boots sank deeper into the muddy riverside.

I sat on the bench in front of the riverbed. Wiping my fingers dry on the fabric of my denim jeans, I took a moment to take in my surroundings. The park was mostly empty, save for a few teenagers

The water always looked pretty this time of year. For a few moments, you stood there drinking in the sight of it.

In the present, I sat alone in front of the serene lake, surrounded by the picturesque beauty of nature. Lush green trees lined the shore, their leaves rustling in the gentle breeze. The scent of damp earth and the distant call of birds created a peaceful atmosphere, contrasting with the turmoil in my mind.

I watched as groups of carefree teenagers ran around, their laughter and joy a stark contrast to the heavy weight I carried in my heart. A deep sigh escaped my lips as I averted my gaze towards the shimmering water.

I wished for the water to possess the power to cleanse me, to wash away the burdens that weighed on my soul. 

The sound of the water rushing past was almost deafening, drowning out the laughter of the teenagers. It consumed my thoughts, leaving me with an overwhelming feeling of dread and isolation. I yearned for the water to offer solace, as if it held the key to absolution and a fresh start, but it remained an unsettling reminder of my own inner turmoil.

I had a vision every time I came here for some peace of mind. It was the same vision every single time. It plagued me every time I found myself in front of the water. It was an image of me, standing at the water's edge, and then, with a deep sense of despair, throwing myself into it, sinking into the abyss and drowning.

As I sat there, the scenery around me seemed to blur, and the vision of my drowning self played on a loop in my mind, a relentless nightmare that I couldn't escape. The lake, which should have been a source of tranquility, had become a symbol of my pain and a relentless reminder of my inner struggles.

It seemed to call to me. I could almost hear the wind carry my name.

Suguru.

The water always looked pretty this time of year. I sat there watching it for a moment too long, wondering what it would feel like to be enveloped by the cold current, to feel it wash me away. 

And, again, the sound of the current grew louder. Deafening. Consuming me.

a/n: l comment and lmk what u think pookiesss

comments + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

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[emptymasks]

so.. i sure feel like i invested a lot into a show just for them to not care in the end. and this isn't a 'wah they killed of my fave character so show bad'.

the pacing felt weird, right? i wonder if they wanted 10 episodes but the network only gave them 8? or maybe they just didn't know how to end the show. maybe they're scared they won't get a season 3 and so rushed the end of season 2?

but to build up izzy, to have him talk about belonging to something... only to have him die without anyone telling him they love him. yeah ed said they're family but like. the whole thing felt so sudden, from him being the one with richard to getting shot to dying and then to suddenly haha the silly guitar music is playing guys its funny joke time. like. ed was upset as izzy was dying but then it seemed at his burial that no one really cared. it would have been more impactful if his death had been the final scene of the season.

but wouldn't it have been much better to show izzy finding a family? to have him captain the revenge? to contrast with season 1 and how the crew hated him when he was in charge. to end season 2, end the show, with him captaining the crew and having their respect and their love?

because it really didn't feel like he died for the crew, for his family. because he push someone else out of the way to save them he just got outsmarted by richard (since when is izzy that stupid or not strong enough to hold onto a man?) and got shot. like idk you could have had him die protecting ed or stede or the crew. how on earth could izzy not hold onto a man who's physically weaker than him and how the hell did he let someone else grab his fucking gun. or wait im re-watching it looks like richard just.. grabbed a gun out of his own coat.. i.. did no one search this man and take his weapons off him.. what the fuck.. no im sorry there's no excuse that doesn't make sense for no one to have taken his weapons away that just seems like bad writing.

if you were going to kill him off he deserved a better death.

but he deserved a better ending than this. what's the point of him having this arc of finally caring about people if he dies and it seems no one really cared other than ed and fang?

omg i just read as i'm writing this that jenkins does have a plan for a season 3. okay so now it's only acceptable if con wanted to leave the show so they had to kill off izzy but they still should have done it better. have him fending off the english so the crew can escape. have him taking a bullet for ed. something that means something. omg.

and ed and stede... i don't feel like they're ready for this yet. the only way they should be living together is the end of the show. not the end of a season. they literally only just got back together they need time to grow together.

you really said its a show about people finding love and happiness and then killed off the queer disabled character who got to die while telling his abuser that he loved him. the ending feels like the show saying 'actually not everyone deserved love, if you were an izzy fan you were right to get hate' like. he deserved to be loved by the crew, to be told that they cared. but he didn't get that.

also um?? the crew dont love ed. he literally only just finished torturing them, some of them have ptsd and trauma from what he did to them, and even if they want to forgive him they certainly do not love him yet. they cared much more about you izzy than they did about ed.

and then to have him shot in the left side, the place that ed showed in season 1 was a 'safe place' to get injured i. what.

where the fuck was roach? just watching? not trying to help? does he either not care or not think it's worth trying to save him??

IM SORRY BUTTONS CAN TRANSFORM INTO A BIRD, AUNTIE CAN SURVIVE AN EXPLOSION, JACKIE AND SWEDE ARE IMMUNE TO POISON, BUT IZZY GETTING SHOT IN HIS LEFT SIDE UH OH THAT'S DEATH SORRY.

i love the crew, i love zheng. i like stede and ed's romance but they're never the reason i watched the show. but i found izzy's arc the most meaningful to me. and i. i really don't think i'm going to watch a season 3 if there is one. not just because izzy's not there, but that last episode just felt like they don't care or don't know how to write anymore in a way that i enjoy at least.

to see someone like izzy (who's backstory i thought we would get, at least who the ring belongs too that he wears around his neck but no okay) he disliked because he has to be, he doesn't know how to be soft and be loved or how to love others. to show that a person who has been hurt so much and built themself so hard and buried their real self so far below.. to see that person be able to find themself again, to love others, to let themself be loved, to others see who they are. that meant so much.

so much for this being a happy queer show. for a lot of people he felt like this representation of an older queer man who's just coming out of the closet, exploring himself, there's not another character like that. the disability representation with him this season i've seen has meant a lot of people. his arc isn't the same as any others and a lot of people have found something very personal to connect to in that and i think they have a right to be upset.

to say it makes sense for him to be killed off for the narrative because ed needed to let him go... sounds cruel? izzy is a person, he's not a narrative object to make ed feel better about himself. to have ed abuse izzy, physically abuse him, and then izzy's arc ending with him apologising as if it was his fault (yes he encouraged blackbeard, but please let's not victim blame, let's take male victims of abuse seriously) and saying he still loved ed i just..

to say it makes sense narratively for him to get killed off for other reasons i don't fully disagree, but i think it was too soon, and i think at least it should have been in a way that made sense like him protecting the crew, not allowing richard to STILL HAVE HIS GUN ON HIM DID NO ONE CONFISCATE HIS WEAPONS?? or did he take izzy's gun in which case HOW how would izzy allow richard to take his gun. he's smart and a capable fighter what is this.

i saw someone else say izzy's death had no meaning and no consequence. and they're right. the crew moved on straight away and forgot about him (apart from fang, shout out to fang), and seemed like they didn't care. they aren't seeking revenge. they aren't angry. so it's for.. ed and stede to get together? izzy deserves more than that. and they could have still gotten together anyway... if it's for ed to move on then fuck that. an abuser doesn't get to move on from the abuse he caused because his victim fucking died.

i'd been looking forward to this episode all week after i really terrible week and well. should have known nothing this week was going to plan.

[beevean]

Idk I think people objections to vivziepop is overblown, she's hard to work with? So was Yuji Naka, She drew problematic art? So did Miura Kentaro and Rebecca Sugar, she said bad things in the past? So did Seth MacFarlane, she didn't groom any minors or assaulted someone like the Rick and Morty guy or the Red and Stimpy guy

Fun fact, a friend and I today tried to read the "controversies" page on Vivziepop.

And it's. Bad. As in, I refuse to believe anyone older than 20 wrote it.

Some of the claims have sources. Not all of them, though. Case in point, this gem:

Grooming Allegations On January 19th XXXX, Vivziepop has been accused of grooming a 14-year-old. (Needs citation)

Or this one

It is also worth noting that Vivzie supports Zone Tan, who is infamous for being a child predator who used a real child's voice for his child porn. It was also shown that Vivziepop directly interacted with Zone.

(wow, that sounds like a serious accusation! source?)

(also please it's not child porn, it's CSEM if it involves a real child)

Other parts come off as edit wars:

The drama died down after a couple days when a decent number current of SpindleHorse members, such as Sam Haft, Monica Franco, HorrorFreak, and more talked about their positive experiences, and some were convinced that the accusations were exaggerated or lies.

Erin Frost returned yet again in November. At this point, many are sick of her continued attempts at showing what she considers proof of her mistreatment, especially since she shamed others who won't stand with her, calling them "spineless" and sharing private messages without their consent. To a large portion of people, Erin Frost is not the innocent victim she claims to be and is attempting to twist the situation so that she comes out looking more sympathetic than she actually is

And then we get the absolute petty shit:

Improper Representation of Sexual Assault In one of the episodes of Hazbin Hotel, there have been some criticism about how sexual assault has been treated, as one of the chatacters, Husk, would tell Angel Dust that the latter will "get over it", even though Angel Dust has experiences with being sexually assaulted by Valentino, which is one of the things you should never say to a person who suffers from PTSD/Trauma.

Not even touching the yet again misconception that Loser Baby is a victim blaming song... This is a lie. Husk never once utters the words "get over it". This should be edited out immediately. Checking the source, it was badly paraphrased by a Tumblr post badly paraphrasing it in bad faith.

It was then revealed that Vivziepop also supported a Twitter user named "Raphielle", who is an NSFW artist that actively makes art of non-con/rape of Valentino and Angel (in which Valentino is the abuser, and Angel Dust as a victim of Val), with Raphielle even supporting said ship despite it being toxic and very wrong.

"and very wrong", how old are you?

Also I don't see the issue? Valentino abusing Angel is canon. And if Raphielle animated Poison, kudos to them for such a raw portrayal of abuse.

What makes it worse that Raph romanticizes it as well, despite mentioning that he has dealt with being repressed and being controlled, which is not a good excuse of drawing rape porn, in which Raph constantly fetishizes it.

Now this has just turned into a Twitter thread.

Supporting of Proshipping Like said before, while she has supported Raphielle, who supports non-con/rape ship of Valentino and Angel Dust, Vivziepop has also be revealed to have sexualized Morty from an adult animated TV show called "Rick and Morty" (in which Morty is 14-years-old, mind you). Vivziepop would even go as far as to ship Morty with Rick Sanchez (who is Morty's 70-year-old Adoptive grandfather).

Perish the thought.

The source of Vivzie following "bad people" is exactly what you would expect: the main accusation is that she follows porn artists with a fat fetish. Tagged as "csa" to boot. You people wouldn't have survived a day on DeviantART ffs.

And this is the cherry on top:

"Hey maybe this page should be written in a professional manner."

"HOW DARE YOU DEFEND A SHIT PERSON"

yeah you sure a person I can trust with handling delicate information!

Basically, I can't take this seriously. Again, I checked some sources, mainly the transmisandry ones, and sadly they look legit. The complaints about HH are however asinine to the point that the whole page loses credibility.

I won't get into this matter because I don't want to get involved into this year-long discourse more than necessary. I won't respond to anything related to Vivziepop again. But I wanted to vent because I hate when people are accused of being pedophiles/child molesters/abusers because they follow people who draw Sonic porn or they support people with a non-fluffy ship. Get over yourselves, and stick to the actually harmful stuff.

[bizzyboys]

okay actual intro post time until I have the energy to make a carrd

Endo systems and supporters leave!!! Bye bye!! I am anti-endo slash anti-any other type of system origin that isn’t trauma!!

Romantic f/os under the cut, doubles please don’t interact 💔

Okay let’s start

hi!! im Melody!! If our entire profile theme changes randomly one day it’s probably because someone else took over and wanted to make it more comfortable for them to post here. Also I am 17!! (FINALLYYY)

I try not to post too much info about our system online because of the dangers of it and also just because it’s our personal life and experiences, so all you get is we are a diagnosed DID system and have been working with our current therapist for…maybe like 1-2 years? Idk time is wonky for us. Also diagnosed C-PTSD

I have a hard time remembering things so I like to keep receipts of things sometimes!!

We are always tired. Like always. Our mental problems drain us constantly to where we mainly sleep most of the day away unless we’re doing school (we do online school because public school doesn’t work for us) or going out. We try to be awake during the day, but if we die for a good while or don’t respond to you immediately just assume we’re sleeping lmao

Uhhh what else. Pronouns change constantly!! Please don’t use she/her unless we say it’s okay. It/They/He is normally a safe bet!! Also no fem terms unless we also say it’s okay!! you can call us a girlboss though because we get the gender good from that

Romantic F/os include: William Afton (since 2015 babyyyy), Boris Habit, Inspekta, Capochin, P/Patty, Mystery Burns, Alastor, Marvus, Whimsy+Angel, and more but those are the ones I think of right off the bat

I am currently most attached to Capochin, but I still get uncomfortable with other people who have the same romantic f/os interacting :[

Some of our interests include: The Glass Scientists, Doll-Eye, FNAF, DSAF, Dialtown, HTTYD, COTL, HLVRAI, Minecraft, Roblox (sometimes), POKEMON!!!!, Digimon, doodling, creating things (like cosplay props for when we go to cons), vocaloid, music in general, Smile for Me (beloved comfort game), Great God Grove, psychological horror, ARGs, creepypastas, Marble Hornets, Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, Madoka Magica, Sailor Moon, BATIM, Bee and Puppycat, Fiona and Cake, Homestuck, Hiveswap, Undertale, Deltarune, Hamsters/Proper hamster care, Hamtaro, Little Nightmares, and other things!! (Aka this list is getting too long and im tired and don’t want to keep adding to rn lmao)

Here’s some silly userboxes that we relate to!!

[ao3feed-ateez]

Nerve

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/VNHWRwz by sem_a_u Outbreak - Day 4,385 October 12, 2036 The animals are on edge these days Winter came early, food is scarce. “Will you stay with me, Captain?” The strange human looked up to meet Hongjoong’s tired gaze, his lips settled into a deep frown, fear evident in his eyes like he wasn’t even attempting to hide it. Hongjoong hated the way San resembled who he used to be—so vulnerable, so weak. Dependent. He hated it with every fiber of his being. No one saved Hongjoong back then. But maybe… Hongjoong could save San now. “I will. I promise.” - or the one where 10 years after the earth was ravaged by a zombie apocalypse, Hongjoong's sole focus is survival in a brutal world where humans often prove more dangerous than the undead. While guarding a dark secret—that he was bitten but never turned—surviving on his own proves to be a constant challenge. Still, Hongjoong is content to remain isolated, until he meets San and everything changes © All Rights Reserved 2024 | @sem_a_u Words: 8163, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: ATEEZ (Band) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Kim Hongjoong, Park Seonghwa, Jeong Yunho (ATEEZ), Kang Yeosang, Choi San (ATEEZ), Song Mingi (ATEEZ), Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ), Choi Jongho (ATEEZ) Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Choi San/Song Mingi (ATEEZ), Jeong Yunho/Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ), Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, End of the World, Temporary Character Death, Infected Characters, Refugees, Blood and Violence, Gore, Weapons, Past Suicide Attempts, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Survival Horror, Survival Training, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kim Hongjoong is Bad at Feelings, and needs a hug, Choi San Needs a Hug (ATEEZ), Jung Wooyoung is a Little Shit (ATEEZ), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Panic Attacks, Healing, Found Family, my first attempt at slow burn, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard, Enemies to Lovers, but not really, but yeah, Not Beta Read, Corruption, Exploitation, Near Death Experiences, Crimes & Criminals, Mentioned Other K-pop Artist(s), non-traditional zombies, Original Character(s), Hongjoong is soo whipped for San, he's mean to Seonghwa though, he's mean to everyone actually, except for Jongho, he's nice to Jongho but idk why, Hongjoong is a little shit honestly, rip San's poor nose read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/VNHWRwz

[bug-decal-kissing]

Hey friends!

Time Room Shenanigans + More, by DrakianDH, was updated today, with 13/? Chapters released! It has a rating of General Audiences and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff without Plot, Oneshot Prompts Challenge, One Shot Collection, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Angst and Feels, Alternate Universe - Human, Kinda, It's really just a big collection or random stuff I made for January's Writing challene, frick spelling btw, Prohibited wish - Freeform, PWish, No Plot/Plotless, Some Plot, Maybe - Freeform, idk - Freeform"

You can read it here:

NSFW works are below the cut :].

A new work, The Coercion and Compulsions of a Dark God by ikestm17, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters Released! It has a rating of Explicit and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, with additional tags "Prima/Scab, Rape/Non-con Elements, but I can assure you it is not non-con, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Roleplay, Sort Offan, fic within a fanfic, Scarab is actually pretty good at this whole fanfic thing, Enemies to Lovers, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Hair-pulling, Fighting As Foreplay, they’re two immortal beings stuck in a cube together forever, they’re going to fuck, grow up"

You can read it here:

A new work, In The Strangest Places by ineedlemonade, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Disordered Eating, Mental Health Issues, Angst and Feels, No Sex, No Smut, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, One-Sided Attractionpossibly, Overthinking, Crushes, Cussing, Not Beta Read, Suicidal Thoughts, just mildly, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Pity, Feeding, with arguable kink vibes, Complicated Relationships, Grief/Mourning"

You can read it here:

A new work, On Being Human by ineedlemonade, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and No Archive Warnings Apply, with additional tags "Not Beta Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Trans Male Character, Alternate Universe - Human, Condoms, Riding, Explicit Consent, Gentle Kissing, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Smut, Shameless Smut, Gay Sex, Affection, Nipple Play, Awkwardness, Making Out, Fingering, Sweet/Hot, No Angst, Light Masochism, Light Sadism"

You can read it here:

Timekiller, by MatrixDream, was updated today, with 6/16 Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, and Major Character Death, with additional tags "One-shots!, Angst, Loneliness, Isolation, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, (Tags will update as fic updates), Bug Scarab, Popcorn, Captured in a pickle jar, silliness, Physical Disability, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Scarab had his wings removed as punishment headcanon, Blood and Violence, Blood and Injury, Ableism, Chronic Pain, Self-Harm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Triggers, Whump, Monkey's Paw AU, Major character death - Freeform, Violence, Hurt No Comfort, major angst, mentions of gore, Revenge, Ambiguous/Open Ending, (But still hopeful), Let me know if I missed any tags/warnings!, Comedy, NSFW, Mummy Scarab, Chapters with a star asterisk has smut'

You can read it here:

[flowerslut]

without spoiling anything specific, plot or event-wise here’s the current full list of tags that I’ll be putting on AO3 for roots, starting with the major archive warnings and including every other TW/CW and (in case anyone thinks these are spoilery*? idk) 'regular' tags under the read more:

(*note that not everything listed below references a specific or relevant event/part of the story. I am choosing to over-tag instead of under-tag to keep everyone aware of the types of subjects they’ll be subjected to!)

Graphic Depictions of Violence

Major Character Death

Rape/Non-Con

Torture

Body Horror

Disfigurement

Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con

Attempted Rape/Non-Con

Implied/Referenced Self Harm

Psychological Trauma

Mental Breakdowns

Dissociation

Psychosis

Religious Cult

Religious Imagery and Symbolism

Cannibalism

PTSD

Non-Linear

Epistolary

Implied/Referenced Suicide

Anxiety Attacks

Everyone Has Issues

Southern Wars

Original Characters

Unreliable Narrators

POV Multiple

Alternate Universe - Post Canon

Post-Breaking Dawn

Canon Compliant

Post-Canon Fix-It

Dead Dove Do Not Eat

[ao3feed-sambucky]

cold air and spring sun and warming brick; and wishing i were never afraid

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/48194155

by jaguarsp0tted

There are four seasons, but only one Winter Soldier.

---

Bucky and Sam got together once everyone was resurrected from the Blip, and things have been going well, until Bucky realizes there are secrets he has to stop keeping.

Words: 14107, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con

Categories: M/M

Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Shuri (Marvel), Ayo (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Scott Lang, Frank Castle, Matt Murdock, Clint Barton, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Original Characters, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s)

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson

Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha James "Bucky" Barnes, Omega Sam Wilson, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Mentioned past sexual assault, mentioned past experimentation, mentioned past abuse, hydra sucks guys idk what else to tell you, Minor Frank Castle/Matt Murdock, discussions of trauma, PTSD, there's just a Lot happening here, steve stays in the future au, some sex here and there but it's not the focus, Original Characters - Freeform

read it on the AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/48194155

[rottingdotcom]

so I've had a few majorly traumatic experiences in my life

mainly three, two contributed to my c-ptsd and the other gave me regular single event PTSD

first one was the years of elementary school where I got locked in sensory deprivation in my public elementary school special needs room but whatever that ain't really what this is for

Uhhh the other was medical trauma in 2019 where an Anesthesiologist fucked up my foot

But the big thing I'm using this space for is meeting.. uhh imma call him by his ironically accurate username.. Doofus

We met at a con in May 2022, started going out together, and then I moved states in July 2022.. and then about a week into moving away he broke up with me in a very explosive way and sent his friends after me

His friends told me to kill myself, cut myself etc. and I guess he defended it idk I don't really remember at this point

I have screenshots of everything and all conversations related to the shit show

Well

I tried to move on from it but it was hella traumatizing so it fucked with my head for a while and blah blah therapist diagnosed me with PTSD and C-PTSD and all that

Well anyways I saw him again at the same con but in 2023 and I had a huge PTSD attack with a full shutdown and non verbal and all that mess lol

And then he found my group's insta and I realized oh wow this guy actually has a major following on tiktok and.. a lot of young teens really enjoy his content wowie

Oh what's that? He posts gore art and talks about weird shit on his Instagram where 1,000 of his 2,000 followers are minors??

Oh yeah? He also has been publicly flirting with a then 16 year old now 17 year nonbinary furry?? At age 18??

Oh and now that minor is following his private NSFW account?? Wowie that's a lot of weird shit my guy

Oh and then when I saw him again at a different con in the same place this year I didn't freeze but instead actually fucking talked to people in the group and had fun?? AND WAS OPEN ABOUT MY GENDER AND SEXUALITY INSTEAD OF HIDING IT??

Oh and then after that he starts PUBLICLY ROLEPLAYING A PREGNANCY WITH THAT MINOR FROM EARLIER??

Oh buddy that's a really weird thing to do, huh??

Oh AND THEN WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN AT THAT CON IN 2024

HE'S SCARED OF ME?? LIKE BRO??

Well anyways.. yeah he's just gotten weirder and weirder and he seems to be genuinely frightened of me now so that's epic awesomesauce I guess

So that's kinda my story lol

[sskk-ao3feed]

desensitised

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/nfTGD6p by Kouki (Spade_the_silly) idk if I can over share but lore Words: 1008, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Series: Part 1 of funky brain gunk Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Shall We Date?: Obey Me! (Video Game), 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Categories: Multi Characters: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oma Kokichi, Komaeda Nagito, Saihara Shuichi, Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Kaeya (Genshin Impact), Diluc (Genshin Impact) Relationships: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, Mild Gore, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Childhood Trauma, Autism, Original Character(s), Minor Original Character(s), Trans Male Character, Drug Use, Underage Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Chronic Pain, Chronic Illness, Grooming, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociation read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/nfTGD6p

[whatsnewalycat]

I hope it’s ok that I talk about this in a reblog on your post. If it’s not, that’s totally fine, I can delete just let me know! I was going to say like one related thing about my own experience in this subject aaaaaannnnnnd I got carried away, sorry.

TW: stuff about my personal experience as a CSA and incest survivor in relation to writing non-con and smut in general below the cut

Full disclosure, I’m going to get incredibly vulnerable in this public forum right now. If anyone comes for me I swear I’ll have a mental breakdown about it so maybe just fucking look in the mirror for a bit if that’s your knee-jerk reaction. Also this is just my personal experience, trauma manifests in different ways for different people and yadda yadda. ANYWAY

When I was a child, my grandma’s husband raped me. This is something I unearthed in therapy and I’m still working on it, although EMDR/ART has drastically reduced my ptsd symptoms related to this trauma.

As a result of what he did to me, I struggle with experiencing sexual pleasure. My trauma intertwined sexual pleasure and shame in such a way that makes it difficult for me to feel aroused without also feeling like i am scum for being aroused. My trauma is a liar that tells me I am broken for liking how it felt, for liking how arousal feels in my body even today.

So… writing a scenario where someone feels turned on and conflicted about it… idk. it helps me explore my own complicated feelings around arousal and consent in a space that I control. Writing smut in general allows me explore sex and sexuality in a non-threatening medium.

With this in mind, i wish people would consider how harmful it might be to publicly and anonymously announce that you think it’s fucked up to write or even like non-con/dub-con. I know for me personally, hearing the lies my trauma tells me from someone else’s mouth is damaging. Like… yeah, I am fucked up. You’re right, I shouldn’t like it, but I do because I’m broken. I also wish I did not think like this but thanks for making me feel worse about it, that definitely helps.

Idk. Whatever. Everyone has their prerogative when it comes to writing, and I find this particular subject matter to be liberating and therapeutic to explore sometimes. I tag my shit. I earnestly encourage people to use their best judgment when considering whether or not to read. But I am not in the wrong for writing about it.

Okay, let's talk about NC/Ra*e Kink

disclaimer: Thoughts are under a cut due to the sensitive nature of the topic.

disclaimer: This is not a post endorsing or condemning the kinks. It is simply a discussion about them.

Some kinks are more niche than others. Some kinks aren't widely accepted. Some kinks are very nuanced and will elicit contradictory or confusing feelings.

When I first came across non-consensual (NC) and rape kink fics, I was a little bit jarred. I couldn't understand why someone would want to write it or how someone could enjoy reading it. To me it was very triggering and upsetting, so I didn't interact with "dark fic" like that.

Still, I had a genuine curiosity as to why people were attracted to the kink even if I didn't enjoy it myself. Sexuality is a very broad spectrum, and I try to be open minded if not for just gaining the understanding of a different point of view.

I wanted to ask questions to readers and writers of the kink, but it's such an inflammatory subject in fandom that I couldn't figure out how to do it without it coming across like I was being rude or condemning. Eventually I was able to talk directly to people about it who knew I wasn't coming from a place of judgment. This was on top of looking into things on my own (like reading articles, think pieces, historical/social takes on it, etc.).

Here's a quick list of what I learned:

SURVIVORS: WRITERS — Many of the writers of the kink had been subjected to sexual violence. When you're writing, you can dictate the characters, the dialogue, the plot points, etc. You are in control of what happens. For some survivors, it is a therapeutic exercise in "rewriting" an experience where they had zero control into an experience where they control every facet of what happens.

SURVIVORS: READERS — Readers of the kink have the buffer of a fictional exploration of it and can choose to exit out of a story if they no longer enjoy it or it becomes too much for them, which was not an option in their actual lived trauma. There is also the distance between themselves and the story, which creates a safety buffer where they can engage with the sensitive topic in an indirect way if they so choose.

SEXUAL AUTONOMY — If you pick up any given romance novel, there's a decent chance the kidnapping trope is in there. This roughly entails some physically bigger/stronger man whisking a woman away against her will and then forcing her into a sexual situation where she ends up enjoying it despite it not being consensual. There might even be bits of "this isn't supposed to feel good" and "why do I feel like I'm enjoying this?" sprinkled into it. This trope is in large part due to the limited sexual freedom of women in the past (and present, but notably in the past). Because the woman wasn't initiating or even agreeing to the sexual act, she is relieved of the responsibility of said act. She didn't ask or choose for it to happen, so she does not have ownership of the sexual act. (I know this isn't reality because unfortunately many women are burdened with the "responsibility" for their assault, but please keep in mind I'm speaking on the fantasy/fantasizing aspect of this.) Because of historical and social expectations of chastity in women, one of the few ways that it was even "acceptable" to explore sexual acts was through means of coercion. The fantasy that you don't have to endure the societal repercussions of your sexual act because you didn't initiate it or execute it is sometimes the only way that women knew or felt comfortable in accepting a sexual experience.

SEXUAL DOMINATION — For some people, the idea of being completely sexually dominated and controlled is their biggest fantasy. There's a thrill to not knowing what will happen or when it will happen or how it will happen. Having zero control is akin to being able to turn their brain off and just exist and feel. This bleeds into consensual non-consent (CNC) kink and domination/submission kink as well with NC kink being the more "extreme end" of the spectrum imo.

These points do not exist in a vacuum, and it is not a comprehensive list of factors. Again, this is not an endorsement or a rejection of the kink. I am simply sharing my thoughts on what I have learned over time in the hopes that it can clarify things for others who maybe were curious like me but weren't sure how to learn or where to start.

[moldybits]

How often do you take breaks with weed? I'm new to it and I like it but I try to not do it very often cause I don't wanna condition myself into relying on substance for stress ya know

i really should take more and longer breaks but i’m bipolar so i’m kinda dependent on it for my mood lmao :’/ it doesnt make everything better but lol it keeps me alive

but my avg breaks are like 72 hours and that’s enough to just give me a moment away. if i’m able, i’ll try to go a week or longer. the longer the better.

i already have a naturally high tolerance too so breaks help keep me from doing an absurd amount a day. i usually do edibles so that’s usually the biggest part of my break. vaping doesn’t do a whole lot for me most the time.

def try to avoid becoming dependent on it because it is possible. maybe focus on using it only for “neutral or good times” if you can if you worry about dependency so your brain doesn’t associate it with stress

i’ll be real and say that i went into this knowing i would become at least somewhat dependent on it because i’m bipolar and have ptsd and other shit but the pros do outweigh the cons for me so. we all got our own vices.

but we were very depressed and suicidal last night and the weed got us out of the funk and ravenna took advantage it and did a bunch of system trauma stuff so idk i guess i’ll take weed dependency > suicide :’)

[unityrain24]

Revelations of the Sun (fic)

i do feel kind bad advertising my own writing, but here i am anyways. This long oneshot i wrote last autumn (sept? oct? nov? idk. fall of 2022), and i actually quite like it :)

I will be posting the link to its ao3, but it is also on wattpad (i dont like wattpad)

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Rape/Non-Con (referenced, not explicit)

Category: Gen

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Wanda Maximoff

Additional Tags: Panic Attacks, Implied/ Referenced Rape/Non-con, No Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Desert, Oasis, Magic, Nudity, non-sexual nudity, Heat Stroke, help they are running. out of water in a desert, The Black Order (Marvel)- Freeform, Loki Needs Therapy (Marvel), I wanted to make a Sherlock joke about Dr. Strange so bad, Jotunn Loki (Marvel)

Summary: Somehow, Loki, Stephen Strange, & Wanda Maximoff find themselves in a dessert. How they got here, they do not know. However, this strange place must be magic of some sort, because none of them have their powers. All they do know is that they are hot, powerless, and desperately need to get out of here. But to make matters worse, the sun’s heat leads to Wanda and Stephen finding some things out about Loki that they aren’t sure they were supposed to…