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hannahssimblr · 1 year ago

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Chapter Twelve

I don’t eat very well for the next week, because everything makes me nauseous. It starts off with a plate of chicken strips at a restaurant on Sunday which for some reason repulses me so much upon taking a bite out of them that I’m sure I’m about to start heaving. I have the waiter box them up for me but they sit sadly in the fridge for days, and then eventually hidden behind the jars so that I don’t have to look at them. Claire eventually throws them in the bin, but it only gets worse from there. By Wednesday breakfast is off the table, even cereal proving too much for me, and as I’m eating it I have to stop, lips quivering with the spoon halfway to my mouth and push the bowl across the table.

“You have to calm down.” Claire says as I stand up from my seat and start pacing the kitchen with my hand grabbing fistfuls of the hair at the back of my head as I try to fight my gag reflex. “I’m not sure this is a typical reaction.”

“Oh really?” I say sarcastically. “I thought everyone threw up when they got anxious about really tiny, stupid things.”

“You haven’t thrown up yet.” She points out. “But if you really don’t want to see Jude I’ll just tell him you don’t want him there.”

“Don’t do that. I do want to see him.”

She eyes me cynically. “Yeah it really seems like it.”

“I’ll be fine when… when he arrives, it’s just the not-knowing part that’s stressing me out. What’s he going to be like?”

“Probably very normal, Evie.”

“God, this is so weird. I’ve never felt this anxious before.”

“Pet.” She says with sympathy. “You do not have to put yourself through something if it’s too upsetting. I hate to see you skipping meals like this. Your body has just gone into proper survival mode.”

“I just can’t eat anything, everything is repulsive at the moment. It’s like my body is putting all of its energy into creating stress hormones.” I put my hand on my chest where I can feel my heart thrumming in a rhythm that’s faster than it should be but it hasn’t slowed down much more than this in several days. “There’s something wrong with me.”

“You’re just afraid of what you don’t know, but you’re going to be alright.” She says as she picks up her phone and starts scrolling. We’ve had this exact exchange every day since last weekend and she’s used to it. I watch her pick up a slice of buttered toast and take a bite, and a fresh wave of nausea washes over me. I have to squeeze my eyes tight. “Get out of here.” She says with her mouth full. “Get fresh air, you’ll feel better on your walk to college.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” I say and I take my coat off the hanger before heading out onto the freezing streets. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yep. Come back cured.” She says over her shoulder.

The weather has been spectacularly bad this week. At the moment that our collective positivity had begun to rise, the dawn chorus began again and the flowers shot their way through the soil in announcement of spring, a freak weather event brought actual snow to Dublin. There is never snow in Dublin, but there is this week, the week where February becomes March and usually the temperature reaches a tropical thirteen degrees. It’s been sub zero and everything bar the trains have ground to a halt.

I watch the news from the airport carefully, keenly tuned in as they cancel flights one after another, a big part of me wishing that they’ll cease operations on Friday, but another part knowing I would probably despair a bit if they did. My mindset is so weird, it’s like I don’t know myself anymore. Usually it’s easy to look inwardly and discover what it is that I really want from a situation, but now I want two things in equal measure. There are competing desires within me, each matched in intensity with the other. Seeing him and not seeing him are equally devastating outcomes and it’s like I won’t win and I won’t be happy no matter which comes true, so my body has become some machine in overdrive, glitching out, overheating, unable to compute.

On Friday I hear definitively that they haven’t cancelled any flights, so I start dry heaving in my room.

On Saturday night I put on the dress that Claire bought for me, a tight, black number with one sleeve and a big peekaboo hole in the side of it. It clings to every part of me. I felt a lot better about it when I tried it on in the shop but now it looks wrong. I despair at the soft flesh of my upper arms, the dips where my hips meet my thighs, the little pooch at my lower stomach, all parts of me that used to be flat and tight when I was still keeping myself fit, but now are soft and pliable. I don’t feel as pretty when Claire’s not behind me in the mirror hyping me up. I pinch my face, looking drawn and pale with great big shadows under my eyes, hollows in my cheeks, nothing that makeup can’t fix, but my hands are shaking as I bring a brush to my face. I take a bottle of whiskey out of my bedside table and twist off the cap, taking a gulp from it to steady my nerves.

I had a dream last night that I was at a table across from Jude and he didn’t have a face, but this vast expanse of horrible smooth flesh. He didn’t move, just sat there looking at me without any eyes, and then features started to roll across his face like slot symbols in a casino, stopping only for a second to reveal these weird, incoherent faces, eyes and noses and lips like they’ve been cut from a magazine and taped in place, misshapen and mismatched and wrong. None of them are him, but I can’t conjure up what him is either. I wake up feeling disturbed and I don’t go back to sleep again after that.

Snow starts falling again as I finish my makeup and do something to my hair, and by the time it’s time to leave it’s already ankle-deep, so instead of suffering through a walk I order a taxi through an app. When I’m waiting I decide to have another shot of whiskey so I unscrew the lid and swallow a mouthful, feeling it burn all the way down to my empty stomach. I consider decanting some of it into an empty water bottle so I won’t have to spend any more money on alcohol tonight but the moment I have that thought my phone buzzes to let me know my taxi driver is outside. I shove it into the cupboard under the sink.

When I’m sitting in the car he goes on about the government and how they’re a shower of clowns and I stop humouring him eventually with “yeah”s and “mm”s and just stare out the window and imagine what course Claire and the others are having now. Maybe they’re only getting their main courses, which means they’ll be another half an hour at least. Unless they decide to get dessert. Or even coffee. I know that Claire always gets a cup of tea after her dinner. Maybe they’ll sit talking for a while?

“Here you are, love.” The driver says as he pulls up outside the bar. “Have a good night, yeah?”

“Thank you.” I say, handing him a tenner. The trip costs €9.70 but I wait for him to give me back the thirty cents in change anyway, which seems to perturb him, and he changes his tone then, giving me a very gruff “‘night” as he pulls away from the curb.

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#sims #sims 4 #ts4 #simlit #sims 4 story #sims story #writing #fiction #romance #sims 4 storytelling #sims4 storytelling #sims storytelling #lucky girl part 2

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gaybestie01 · 2 years ago

Conversation

HoO meme dump bc i say so

Leo: *crying softly(

Piper: Leo, what's wrong

Leo: i just realized we can never know if a T-Rex is happy cause bc they can't clap there hands

Piper: *facepalms*

Leo: *singing if your happy and you know it softly*

Annabeth: Whats the worst thing you guys have done?

Piper: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade

Percy: Kicked Jason in the shin-

Jason: -so I kicked Percy in between the legs

Leo: I burned a town down

Annabeth: What?!?

Hazel: what the hell is wrong with you?

Leo: alot of things

Frank: well no shit

When it's cold on the Argo II they just sit in a circle and Leo is and makes Leo sit in the middle bc he emits heat therefore he is a furnace

Jason: *going wolf-boy feral and tearing the absolute shit out a some monster*

Leo and Piper in the background cheering and hyping him up: GO, WHITE BOY, GO

Hazel: who the fuck added me to this group chat

Frank: Language!

Leo: yeah, watch your fucking language

Percy: OK WHO TAUGHT HAZEL THE FUCK WORD

Annabeth: "the fuck word"?

Jason: are you stupid? you guys use the f word all the time

Piper: oh my gosh he censored it

Leo: say fuck, Jason

Percy: do it, Jason, say fuck

Piper: I saw Leo spill his coffee

Piper: it's been 30 minutes but he's just staring at the puddle int silence, with ears streaming down his face

Piper: at this point I'm afraid to help

Jason:

Reyna: we can't tell you bc you're not a member of the club

Leo: what club?

Frank: the hating Leo club

Leo: ...The fuck? I should be the leader of that club!

The seven + nico, will and reyna on a airplane

Percy: doesn't fly but if he does he is freaking the heck out

Annabeth: works on her computer the whole time

Piper: charmspeaks the flight attendants into giveing her free snacks and drinks

Leo: the kid who kicks the backs of your seat, can’t sit still, and just walks around the cabin

Jason: sits there is a smug look on his face because he can control the whole plane with the wind

Frank: sleeps the whole time

Hazel: in the bathroom throwing up and just motion sick the whole way, poor thing

Nico: the one person who has their music too loud you can hear through his headphones

Will: watches love drama tv shows on his phone and bothers Nico

Reyna: rather be any where else

To Percy- Fav song?

Percy: Under the Sea

Annabeth: percy your 17

Percy- i saved the world i should be able to pick my fav song

Annabeth: whatever Seaweed brain, anyway mine is-

Leo: *barges in through the door*

Leo: you guys know what mine is

Piper: no leo this question wasn’t for you

Leo: too bad *sets hand on fire*

Leo, off key: this girl is on fire

Annabeth: Leo no!!

Percy: SHE GOT HER HEAD IN THE CLOUDS

Leo: AND SHES NOT BACKING DOWN

Percy and Leo off key: THIS GIRL IS ON FIIIRRREEEE

Annabeth and Calypso:

Thalia: it's never too late to join the Hunt

Leo: what's the difference from snowmen and snowomen

Annabeth: don't

Leo: snow balls

Annabeth: percy, please bring me my dagger

Percy: look, I have a sister now i'm not risking it

Nico: are you saying my life matters less because i don't conform societies heteronormative, child-centric ideals

Percy: are you really playing the gay card right now?!?

Nico, in a monotone voice: Yaass queen

Nico: looking right because you left

Percy: looking left because you don’t treat me right

Will: looking up because you let me down

Leo: looking down because you messed up

Frank: what is wrong with you guys

Will: *shoves nico onto a chair*

Will: sit you need to rest and you lost a lot of blood

Nico: im fine

Will: no ur not you need blood, what's your type

Nico: what

Will: what is your blood type

Percy, from the halfway across camp: WELL IT AIN'T ME

Nico: *face palms*

Percy: I hate Octavin

Reyna: hate is a strong word

Reyna: in this case not strong enough

Baby Artemis: dad how long can a person breath in a washer machine while its one

Zeus, chuckles: well why would you want do know that

Zeus:

Zeus: wait where's Apollo!!!

Me: *standing outside of a burning school*

Me: someone said they hated Percy Jackson

Me: so i called leo

To Annabeth: can you talk to olives?

Annabeth: PERCY CAN CONTROL WATER

Annabeth: JASON CAN FLY AND MAKE IT STORM

Annabeth: PIPER CAN CHARMSPEAK AND TALK FRENCH

Annabeth: FRANK CAN TURN TO ANY ANIMAL

Annabeth: HAZEL CAN EARTHBEND AND SUMMON PRECIOUS MEDALS FROM THE GROUND

Annabeth: NICO CAN FREAKING RAISE THE DEAD AND CONTROL IT

Annabeth: LEO CAN BURST INTO FLAMES AND BUILD WAR SHIPS

Annabeth: WILL CAN HEAL ANYBODY AND CONTROL LIGHT

Annabeth: AND YOUR ASKING IF I CAN TALK TO OLIVES!!!

Annabeth:

Annabeth: yes, yes i can

Nico: *shutting Snow White *

Nico: the moral of the story is that apples are bad for you and you should only eat McDonalds ice cream

Will: nico nO-

Police Officer: ok where do you live

Percy: with my mom

Police Officer: where does your mom live

Percy: with me

Police Officer: where do you guys live by

Percy: by my neighbors

Police Officer: where does your neighbor live

Percy: you're not going to believe me

Police Officer: tell me

Percy: by me

#pjo memes #i have so many imma do a pt 2 #percy jackson #argo two #the seven from pjo

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nobodywritingao3 · 1 year ago

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Hiiii!!!

I saw your post of frantically or hyperfixating on your writing, even though your computer or google docs failed you XD. Hope you came out of that fight ok.

But!! It ignited some questions for about shameful company after going through your tag again.

Far in the future where Tommy and Wilbur had there forgiveness arc after yet to be SPOILER. To the rest of the sbi enter the picture at some point. I can imagine Tommy freaking out with a dragon XD

Does Tommy and Wilbur go on a journey to see stuff outside of the walls like the sea or snow or jungle things, since Tommy was stuck seeing the same things for his entire life :'(.

DO shenanigans occur once they get comfortable with each other, maybe some fluff domestic life.

just please imagine the question marks after them, its not working on my keyboard for some reason XDD

aksjdhaj I am always victorious

tommy would definitely lose his mind with Tecnho but after adjusting to Wilbur and growing up without love he'd appreciate the affection and totally love techno as a big brother

neither Wilbur nor tommy have ever actually been exploring outside the environments they grew up in, although Tommy's was definitely more restrictive. it would be kind of like a shock to the system for those two to travel around the world, but they would definitely take a lot of trips together after growing up as weird forest dwelling hermits. Wilbur goes to the beach for the first time and shovels sand into his mouth <3 he assumes its a naga thing so he calls the others racists for making fun of him and then they find out that no naga ever has eaten sand before meaning Wilbur is just a strange fellow. tommy cries the first time techno takes him to his mountain lair because hes never seen anything so beautiful. after that techno regularly drags both of them around various natural environments

they definitely have shenanigans. there will always and forever be shenanigans. if life has no shenanigans then it simply wouldn't be worth living and after everything they've been through they deserve some shenanigans <3 love and peace and shenanigans on planet earth

big cuddling. lots of giant Wilbur cuddling tiny tommy. tag but it's your *big* brother. fluffy domestic bliss

#rose answers #shameful company (fanfic)

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sencire · 3 years ago

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Sugar Rush

Sunday walks are her favorite. Slowing her steps to an almost stop, Lexa inhales deeply. The air is cold and crisp, the snow crunches underneath her shoes but the sun warms her face as she lifts her head and closes her eyes. It’s quiet here. Most people take the route along the busier main arm of the river but Lexa likes to come to the small side arm that has no real boat traffic. People live here on their houseboats. It seems like a place that has fallen out of time, enchanted in its quietness and it always makes Lexa feel at peace.

Sunday walks are also her least favorite. Just a few hours left before she needs to step back into “the life”. Phones, computers, numbers, people in general, too many of them for way too long. Sunday walks make her sad. Returning home means even less time before it all starts again. There’s never enough time in a weekend. How wonderful it must be to live on a boat and not care much for the busy lifestyle.

Lexa smiles as she approaches a particularly colorful boat. This one is not only a home. This is Mr Warner’s candy shop. She has never had a sweet tooth but she knows the friendly old man, always smiling happily, chatting with people and selling them candy.

It’s not Mr Warner though that she sees inside the shop. The store is closed and in the window below the shutters, she can see that half the jars holding the candy are gone. Lexa leans down a little to peek inside. Her searching gaze is met by the surprised blue eyes of a young blonde woman and Lexa freezes. She suppresses the urge to jump up and run, thinking that would be silly. You don’t just stare into someone’s home and run when you get caught. She’s not five years old. So she lifts her hand and waves gingerly, putting on a little smile. The woman inside smiles back and Lexa can’t help but smile wider. She points at the candy jar the woman is holding. She must have just removed it from the display. Moving her hand up to her mouth, Lexa silently asks the woman if she’s going to eat all the candy by herself. It gets her a raised eyebrow and a wink but then the woman moves and disappears from her view.

Okay. That went really well. For almost a minute, nothing happens. Lexa is just about to walk off when the shutters creak open and with a thud, the woman drops the candy jar onto the counter.

“Would you like some?”

“Ah … umm … no, thank you,” Lexa replies with a chuckle. “You can have it all to yourself.”

“And end up rolling off the boat, huh?” the woman says, holding Lexa’s gaze. She’s so pretty. Lexa bites her lips. There’s something about those blue eyes that makes it very hard for Lexa to detach her gaze from them. Long seconds pass until Lexa finally clears her throat and takes a step back.

The woman smiles quietly and looks down, picking up the jar to hug it.

“You’re not Mr Warner,” Lexa states. “Is he okay?”

Sadness clouds the woman’s face and she shakes her head slowly. Lexa regrets her question right away.

“My grandfather,” the woman says, holding the jar tighter. “He’s not well and won’t be back.”

“Oh,” Lexa looks for words. She doesn’t really know the old man but he had once told her something she thinks about often. I love my job, he had said one summer, a couple of years back. Everyone smiles at me. Selling candy is the best thing ever.

“He loves his job,” Lexa says, instantly wondering why that is the only thing she can think of. “I hope he is well.”

The woman looks up, the hint of a smile tugging at her lips again.

“He does,” she agrees, putting her hand on the lid of the jar to unscrew it. “I’m cleaning out the store. We might sell the boat. Or maybe I will live on it. It’s nice.”

She takes off the lid and reaches inside.

“Did you know him?”

“Not really. Just from passing by here. I don’t eat candy. But he was always happy and I loved that.”

The woman smiles. She looks down at the two pieces of candy in her hand and holds it out to Lexa.

“Have one on him. I’m Clarke.”

“Lexa.”

Declining would be rude so Lexa steps closer again and carefully takes the piece of candy from Clarke’s hand.

“These are special,” the blonde tells her, putting down the jar for good to unwrap her piece.

“They’re -,” she pauses to look at Lexa. “They will warm you up.”

“Will they? That’s good, because I’m cold.”

Lexa unwraps her piece and taking it between two fingers, she drops it into her mouth.

Clarke watches her with an amused expression. Lexa sucks on the candy for a moment, trying to figure out what the taste is. Her eyes widen when her mouth unexpectedly bursts into flames.

Clarke chuckles.

“Chili.”

“Chili?”

Clarke nods, popping the candy into her mouth at last. She closes her eyes, tasting.

“He always kept this jar on the lowest shelf. Said it’s magic the way it makes people horny.” She winks at Lexa.

Lexa chokes on her candy, coughing a few times, and her eyes start to water. Not because of the chili but because of the blunt statement. Somehow it’s really hard to imagine sweet Mr Warner saying that.

“Strawberry and chili, a natural aphrodisiac.” Clarke continues, slowly sucking on her candy. She licks her lips, lowering her eyes to Lexa’s mouth. Lexa laughs because it’s the only thing she can think of right now. She doesn’t feel one bit horny but thinking about the magic in this candy sure has made her feel warmer.

“So what is going to happen now?”

“I don’t know. What would you like to happen?”

Or is she beginning to feel aroused? Her brain is trying to process the tastes in her mouth. The sugary sweetness, the spicy chili, not quite strong enough to mask the fruitiness. She can feel her brain flashing questions through her body, making her skin tingle. Her lips feel swollen and the more she licks at them, the more they burn.

What is happening to her? Her body is sending signals back up to her brain. Signals of how it wants to be touched. Lexa clearly feels her nipples harden and she looks up quickly to see if Clarke has caught it. It doesn’t make her feel uncomfortable at all. In fact, it’s very pleasant. Heat flushes her body, even making her sweat a little. She unzips her jacket.

“Are you trying to seduce me with a piece of candy?”

“Would you mind if I did?”

Suddenly, Lexa wonders what Clarke looks like without her clothes. She gulps, making sure to keep the candy between her tongue and the roof of her mouth.

“You’re so freaking cute,” Clarke continues, her eyes never letting go of Lexa. “And so shy. I bet you’re a good kisser.”

“I’m not shy,” Lexa retorts. “Not at all.”

Clarke leans onto the counter, biting her lower lip.

“Well then, tell me what you are. Are you hot? Does it heat up your core?”

Lexa is faintly aware of her hand coming up to tug at her scarf. She has trouble breathing because it’s getting really hot. She takes another step closer, leaning against the boat. Clarke leans in, grabbing Lexa’s scarf to pull her close and licks across Lexa’s lips. Lexa is too stunned to move but oh, the heat is becoming unbearable.

“Are you getting wet?”

Lexa manages to nod. She is one step away from jumping over the counter.

“Clarke,” she says, looking over her shoulder to see if anyone is near. They’re alone. “Let me come inside and I’ll show you.”

“Tell me. Would you like me to fuck you?”

Lexa can feel it between her legs. Sticky warmth has spread there. And all she can think about is Clarke’s tongue lapping it up gently. Her fingers deep inside of her, pushing in, pulling out, picking up the pace until ...

She lowers her voice, watching Clarke’s eyes drop to her lips.

“Yes. I would.”

“What?”

“Like you to fuck me.”

Clarke smiles at that, letting go of Lexa’s scarf. She motions for Lexa to step away from the boat and closes the shutters. With a few quick steps Lexa has crossed the small bridge onto the boat and waits in front of the door leading inside the main cabin. She hears a key being turned in the lock, then the door opens.

“Oh, there you are,” Clarke says pulling Lexa inside and closing the door behind her, pressing her up against it. A heated kiss follows, all tongues and little moans, barely disguised need. Lexa pushes forward, one hand on Clarke’s back to steady her, the other moving to the front to squeeze her breast. They’re moving blindly, never breaking the kiss for more than a quick breath, towards the tiny cabin on the side that holds the bed. Lexa’s jacket drops to the floor, followed by her scarf and she has to let go of Clarke to lean down and take off of her boots.

She looks up when she hears Clarke laugh.

“You want me bad, huh?”

“So bad,” Lexa breathes, lifting the woolen sweater over Clarke’s head as she comes up to reveal only a bra underneath. She hooks her fingers into the waistband of Clarke’s pants and pulls, crashing their hips together.

“I can feel a sugar rush coming on,” Lexa growls, kissing Clarke deeply and enjoying more of those little moans from deep inside the other woman.

“And I need you to taste it.”

“About time,” the blonde mumbles into the kiss, the tone of her voice sending warm waves of shivers down Lexa’s spine. Clarke pushes her onto the bed, climbing on top.

---

It smells of sex inside the small cabin. Lexa rolls onto her back, feeling comfortably sore and deeply satisfied.

“Clarke?”

“Hmm?”

“What did you do to Mr Warner?”

“He’s fine, enjoying a weekend at a cozy hotel in the countryside with his wife.” Clarke reaches for the blanket to cover them.

“Does he know what you were getting up to?”

“No, and he better never finds out. I kind of like seducing you with candy. We may have to do this one again.”

They start to giggle, like they always do after one of their little adventures. They don’t do this often, but on occasion, Lexa enjoys her blood pressure raised like this, away from their bed at home, especially with Clarke being so creative.

“You have a way of sweetening up my Sundays,” Lexa says, snuggling up to her girlfriend, moving her hand between Clarke’s legs once more.

“Now where is that candy jar?”

#a lttle something from the archives #clexa fic #clexa #clexa fanfic #clarke x lexa

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tsukikoayanosuke · 4 years ago

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(Temporary) Final Thoughts of Pomefiore Arc

Since this is my official first-time experience of playing this 'live', I haven't read the translation fully. So, I'll probably re-doing this after reading/watching everything.

Essentially what I like and what I'm mixed with.

I will first address something that has been bugging me since early update. And that's about the delay. Now, I'm not going to talk about the actual delay, but the reaction. Lots of people complaining and blaming the staff and just... Guys, give them some slack. Do you know what happens when you rush production? You'll get something like Frozen 2, where they had to edit so much stuff in just 6 months before the release date because of the failed test screening. As someone who once made an RPG, coding is hard, especially something massive like Twisted-Wonderland. Sitting in front of your computer for six hours straight, coding and beta testing over and over, making the OST, scripting, voice acting. This is a massive group project and it can't be rushed even if you want to unless you want it to be glitching so bad like the Ghost Marriage incident (or was it Fairy Gala?)

Especially during this pandemic and all its protocol. My parents are professors and even they don't go to campus every day, instead, they use zoom to teach and for work meetings. I barely go out from my own house except for physical therapy and volunteer work, which usually once in two weeks because we take turns. Are you saying the staff must risk their health just for a gacha game? Guys, they might be a professional, but they are still human. Cut some slacks. Be grateful we haven't gone into absolute development hell. Yes, the Halloween event was big, but Pomefiore Arc is part of the Main Story, of course, they will give extra care compare to filler event (which might be created in the first place to give them more time in Pomefiore Arc development, which is why we don't get any Christmas event)

On to the story, I don't know how to rate the scale, but it might be slightly lower than Scarabia Arc. Can you really compare a school talent show to a rebellion? Also, in paper, this should be more light-hearted than the four arcs before it.

However, the lack of stake didn't reduce the content quality. From what I remember, there is not a single chapter that can be count as filler, from Yuu's befriending Mickey, the understandably training arc, Vil's unique magic, Deuce and Epel bonding, and the actual VDC (but I do think the tour around the campus with Riddle and Trey was a bit boring)

Also, slight worldbuilding. We finally see Sage Island in its full glory and found out RSA is a freaking Disney Castle and on the same island!

This also gives us possibly the longest rhythm game, plus chibi Jamil rapping. There's just a lot of singing in this episode, which is understandable.

I appreciate Yuu finally taking notice of the Great Seven dreams, which I hope we can get more of this and actually do something with this and not just Disney Movie references, which later in the Episode shows Yuu sort of connecting their dream and Vil's poisoning attempt.

Speaking of Vil, he's a fantastic character. Okay, I aware that we can't like all characters, there will be haters anywhere. But it seems like Vil is hated a lot because he's 'arrogant' and 'only care about beauty'. Guys, he's not Jeffery Star. This Episode shows Vil as someone much more: a hard worker, passionate in acting, and a great teacher. I always see Vil as the more mature of the cast, the mentor. And he's also basically bullied when he was a child. "TV told me how to feel" as they would say, and children believe everything they saw on TV, so of course they would see Vil as the villain. It's also interesting, as someone mentioned earlier, how Vil is a foil to Leona, where Leona just gave up, Vil doesn't stop and keep striving, and that's an admirable trait. He just wants to get the protagonist role for once and break the norm.

Another character that I like is the new combo, DeuPel (Deuce and Epel). I should've known that they will be bad boy buddies with one trying to get away from the past, while the other wants to embrace it but can't at the moment. The shouting moment at the beach is wonderful despite I haven't read the full translation. Separately, Deuce shines so much with his willingness to learn. Meanwhile, Epel finally respecting Vil and all the training is probably one of the best character development so far.

Why one of the best? Because Kalim has great character development. How he grows to be more mature in this Episode really warms my heart. Again, I need to read/watch the translation to appreciate this more. The way he reassures Jamil to take the part as the main singer, but at the same time work hard to maybe get a spot as well is great.

Sadly, because Epel taking the spotlight as Deuce's partner, Ace was sort of underused. Same as Jamil, but sort of worse since he overblotted in the last chapter but has less development than Kalim. Rook also might seem doesn't do much, but he's more as Vil's support, which is why I kinda forgive him.

But, the highlight of this is probably our very own Snow White, Neige Blanche. Can I just say how much I appreciate that Niege doesn't have a dark side? He's a sweet boy and I just really appreciate that considering we're surrounded by a cast of not so great people, it's kinda refreshing to see someone just pure. The dwarves' design are also adorable, can't really say more since we haven't seen them in depth.

And since this is a School Festival Arc, all 22 students have a cameo. I know some people who are thrilled to finally Idia in the main story and to meed Che'nya again since Episode 1.

Unfortunately, Crowley proved to be useless again. When he finally appears in this final update I screamed: "SIR! Where were you?!"

Let's go back with Rook. What he did in the last update was definitely shocking. I knew something is wrong when he smiles after Vil's monologing. So this is the only time through the update I read the translation. And I sort of get it.

So, Rook and Vil's relationship should mirror how the Evil Queen and the huntsman. I mentioned above that Rook is Vil's support and I mean that. Rook and Vil's relationship is another level of prefect and their vice. It's just fascinating. Rook is just as reliable as Jade, but also not afraid to against his perfect like Jamil, also is not afraid to say something against his perfect, unlike Trey.

And it shows in this finale. Rook is always praising the beauty of things and Vil's hard works is truly a sight, but the way Vil unable to believe in himself, it clouded what is supposed to be something truly beautiful. Compare to Neige who is basically Snow White, the purest Disney Princess, there's just no way Rook would not pick RSA. I admit, I was pissed when RSA win, but when Rook started talking, I knew there was something more. And I finally found it. Rook's message is basically "believe in yourself", the most Disney-thing ever.

Saving the best (or worst) for last, I was terrified when Grim happened. We already guess that Grim is the same monster in the prologue, but I never thought it will happen so soon. The flashed of the monster and Yuu's carriage is also a point, but we have so little info that he can't pull a conclusion yet. Is this a timeloop? Is this a vision? This is the darkest ending we've gotten and I'm scared of what will happen.

Overall, Pomefiore Arc is an enjoyable Episode, definitely a step up emotionally. The cast are wonderful as always, the theme of hard work and believing in yourself are spot on, Vil's hero journey is great (I'll give more explanation soon). Great job, team.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #epel felmier #twst spoilers #twisted wonderland spoiler

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lonelyreputation · 5 years ago

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Trouble in Canada

a/n: hey hi hello!! tis been a while :’) but I'm back bc quarantine got me feeling nostalgic of writing! My computer crashed in September 2019 and all of my writing was no more :( but miraculously, TiC was the only writing saved to my cloud and it only felt fitting to repost it with some ~minor tweaks! Whether you read TiC when it first came out a few years ago, or it’s your first time, I hope you enjoy :) Hoping everyone is staying happy, healthy, and sane during this time!! Happy reading!! Come chat!! It’s been a while!!

WORD COUNT: 4,632 | ANGST | PART 2

“I’ll see you at the next session?”

You picked your head up from rummaging in your bag and smiled at Ethan, the cooking class instructor, “My husband should be back in town, but I’ll see.”

Ethan nodded his head steadily. He held your gaze for a few moments, but after a while of looking at each other, you diverted your gaze down towards the wooden table. Slowly, you saw his tapping fingers inch closer to your hand that rested on the table.

Quickly, you moved your hand, and placed your engagement and wedding ring back on your ring finger. You didn’t like cooking with your rings on, in fear that they could fall down the drain, “Uh,” you cleared your throat, “thanks for the lesson, see you later.”

He lifted his head up from staring at your left hand with sad eyes, “See you next week, Mrs. Mendes.” The last part was said with a hint of distaste that he didn’t care to hide.

As fast as you could, you scurried out the door and saw your friend, Jessie, waiting for you outside. She saw your flustered expression and smirked, “Looks like the teacher has a crush on the student.”

You rolled your eyes, “Married,” You held up your left hand and showed off the rings that you proudly wore every day out of love to your husband. Jessie let out a small laugh as the two of you walked down the streets of Toronto.

Since Shawn had left for tour about three months ago, Jessie stepped up her best friend role by keeping you occupied whenever Shawn was away. Out of the three months he’d been touring, Shawn had been home for four days. It got lonely around the house with no one there, especially since this was the first time Shawn was away for a substantial amount of time since you had been married.

You missed rolling over in bed and reaching a hand out to lay on your husband’s chest when you were both too lazy to get up. You missed playfully kicking his feet underneath the table during dinner, even when it was just you two in your apartment. And most importantly, you missed it when he would come back with coffees and bakery items from the coffee shop down the street from his gym early in the mornings.

To fill up the gaping holes of the time you normally spent with Shawn, Jessie suggested that the two of you take cooking lessons at a place in down town Toronto. You thought it was a wonderful idea, seeing as you couldn’t even cook pasta correctly, and Shawn got a kick out of the idea of you being in a kitchen setting.

A little bell dinged over your head when you opened the door to a coffee shop that was a block down from where you and Jessie took your kitchen lessons. The two of you stood in line to order your drinks in silence. Once it was your turn to order, you asked for an iced latte, even though it was February and snow was on the ground. After Jessie ordered her decaf coffee, the two of you found a seat by the window.

“Ethan knows you’re married, right?”

You nodded your head as you crossed your right leg over your left, “Called me Mrs. Mendes as I left today after he tried to make a move.”

Jessie scrunched her nose up, “Like, I can see the appeal to having a little crush on someone who’s married––they’re unattainable in a sense––but dude,” Jessie paused her words when a server brought your drinks over to the table, “Keep it to yourself and don’t be a home wrecker.”

You took a sip of your cold drink and stifled a laugh, “I honestly think he doesn’t care, and it kinda freaks me out?” Your mind couldn’t properly put together why Ethan would try anything out on a married woman, “Like when he was trying to show me the correct way to cut whatever it was and he came around from behind—almost like the boy trying to teach the girl how to swing a golf club,” Jessie nodded, “I just feel weird.”

Peering over her coffee cup Jessie’s eyes were curious, “Do you want to get a different teacher?”

You shook your head, “I’m sure it’ll calm down.”

It was a Tuesday night, and instead of it being spent in your bed reading a good book, you were pacing your room on the phone with your husband. You understood that the life he led was full of uncertainty and things popping up last minute, and even after years of dealing with it, the feeling of being let down grew more and more familiar.

“Andrew won’t let you do it earlier?” You crossed your arms as you paced around the bedroom.

You heard Shawn sigh on the other end, “I already asked.”

Shawn was currently in Cape Town, South Africa, so while you were ending your day, he was just beginning his. He was supposed to come home Thursday for five days and then get back on the road. But now it seemed as though the plans had changed. Shawn was to be in Cape Town for an extra two days. So, with the added days on to his schedule, and the travel days, he would essentially not be home at all.

“Should you even bother coming home?” You questioned him as you went over to the bay area window of your apartment. The twinkling lights of the city and the sound of traffic below made the lonely nights bearable, “I know you don’t do well with traveling, and I don’t want to disrupt your tour schedule––“

“Y/n,” Shawn spoke assertively into the phone, “You’re my wife, of course I still want to come home to you.”

Even with no one around, you felt yourself trying to hide the blush that was making its way onto your cheeks, “I don’t want you to work yourself too hard––“

“You’re sounding like you don’t want me to come home,” There was a pause before Shawn spoke hesitantly into the phone, “Is something going on?”

Your eyes widened and you felt your previous warmth shift into nerves in your stomach. You weren’t hiding anything from him, but your mind drifted over to Ethan and how odd he’d been acting lately, his confidence growing more and more with each class. Of course you had no further interaction with him other than him teaching you how to cook, but you didn’t want Shawn to find out that the teacher had been flirting with you.

“Of course I want you home,” You looked down at your left hand and twirled your engagement ring as you smiled and softly whispered, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Shawn instantly replied back with a sigh. It was silent for a moment until you heard his voice pipe up, “Are you sure I don’t need to worry about anything?”

Your mind drifted to thinking that it might be in your best interest to inform your husband about the handsy cooking instructor. Surely he would understand that it made you uncomfortable and that you didn’t reciprocate any of the feelings. It seemed trivial to explain everything to him, he knew you loved him, you took a vow to love Shawn for the rest of your life.

With the little debate you had in your head, you came to the conclusion that it wasn’t important to tell him. The class would be over soon and you wouldn’t have to worry about Ethan again. And you knew that Shawn trusted you with his life, so he would know that nothing would come of it, so you shook your head, “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m your husband,” Shawn let out a small laugh, “It’s my job.” You let out a small laugh as well, but your thoughts kept drifting back to the not so subtle advances Ethan has tried on you. They made you uncomfortable, and maybe it was in your bet interest to confided in your husband, but just as you briefly opened your mouth, Shawn spoke up, “I have to go, but text me throughout the day? I’m not sure when I’ll be able to pick up the phone and actually talk.”

“Yeah,” You answered him dismally, “I can do that.”

“I love you.” Shawn’s words were spoken in unwavering confidence into the phone.

With a stinging feeling pricking behind your eyes, you let out a breathy laugh to cover up your heavy heart of not being able to see your husband as soon as you thought, “I love you too.”

You hung up the phone and let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding in. Of course supporting Shawn was something you would do no matter what, but with him constantly being away, it was beginning to take a toll on you. You thought that it would be better once you got married, but that wasn’t the case.

Then thoughts that never once crossed your mind in all of the years you and Shawn had been together; what would it be like to be with someone, to have dated or be married to, that wasn’t him? To have someone who wasn’t constantly traveling the world. What would it be like to be married to someone who spent more time with their wife than a tour bus?

––––

Trouble in Canada?

Newlyweds Shawn and Y/n Mendes are no stranger to the media, especially when it comes with rumors circulating their marriage. Just a few months shy of their first wedding anniversary, the couple has been caught in the middle of a few fiascos.

If we’re being quite honest with ourselves, keeping up with the Kardashians is easier than these two.

Shawn is currently on his world tour and about to start the European leg. Earlier in the week, Shawn was supposed to be traveling home to spend a short break with the Misses before the European part of his tour officially kicked off. But according to a source close to Mr. Mendes, he had to stay in Cape Town, South Africa for a few more days.

“He tried everything he could to get out of staying,” The source close to Shawn said. “He misses Y/n, but even with the amount of times they call each other or FaceTime in a day, it’s not the same as talking to each other face to face.”

But as Shawn slips into a land of everlasting bliss between he and his wife, it looks like Y/n has been spending her time with someone else as of late. Below, pictures of Y/n and a mystery man have appeared over the course of a few weeks, starting just after Shawn left home.

“There’s been a noticeable change in him,” the source said, who has requested to remain anonymous, added in, “Everyone around him knows how much he loves his wife, so when he saw pictures of her with another man in that room, it really hit him.”

Since pictures emerged of Y/n and the mystery man, people have commented that Shawn has been distant and more quiet than usual.

“It’s another reason why he wants to get back to Toronto so bad, he wants to settle things with Y/n. He’s tried to convince himself that it’s just a misunderstanding, but everyone around him knows how it’s already going to play out–and it’s not going to end well. It seems like he’s catching on. Those pictures leave no room for questioning what’s going on between his wife and someone that isn’t him.”

Have Shawn and Y/n Mendes followed in the steps of many other famous couples, and not been able to handle their marriage in the spot light? We were banking on the couple hitting the five-year marriage mark before anything like this happened.

What do you all think? Leave your comments in the section below.

––––

“Hey, Shawn,” You sighed into the phone. It was the fourth time he had missed your call, “It’s uh––me, again.” Pacing around your room, you didn’t know what was going on with him that made him miss your calls multiple times. Usually, he wouldn’t ever miss one, and if he did, he would call you back ten minutes later profusely apologizing.

You had enough with pacing around your room, so you took a seat at the edge of your bed. It didn’t stop the nerves though as your leg began to bounce, “I’m just calling to check up, it’s uh,” You looked over at the clock on your wall, “It’s almost midnight here, and I don’t know where you are,” Your voice dwindled off at the end as you held back a small cry, “I hope you’re having a great day, or that you’re getting a good rest because you work yourself too hard doing what you love,” You tried to lighten your own mood by letting out a laugh, “Just call me back, I love you and can’t wait to see you when you get home.”

Quickly, you hung up the phone and dropped your head to rest between your knees. Your whole body felt off, there was a reason why Shawn wasn’t calling you back and you couldn’t think of anything. The thought of him purposefully ignoring you felt like being stabbed in the chest with the knife twisting. Your head started to pound, and you couldn’t help but start to chew the inside of your lip.

You made your way up to your pillows on the bed and slowly made your way under the covers. You brought the white sheets up to where they were tucked under your chin and curled up. With a constant sharp pounding in your head, and uneven breathing, you realized that you had begun to cry without realizing it until you sat up and saw tear stains on the pillow. You brought both hands up to your eyes to wipe away the tears, but it was useless.

Your husband was dodging your calls. You knew he had been on his phone because he seemed to be constantly Tweeting more than usual. So he had to have seen your calls. Then the thought struck you that this was the first time you didn’t know where in the world your husband was.

––––

“I haven’t heard from him in a few days,” You spoke to Jessie as the two of you walked into the building for your weekly cooking class, “Not even a––“

“Y/n,” You were cut off when you heard a familiar voice call your name, you cringed a bit, and turned to the right to see Ethan, “Thought you weren’t going to make it in for this lesson?”

You cleared your throat, “Uh, yeah, I wasn’t supposed to because my hus–––“

“I’m glad you could join,” He cut you off, with a gleaming smile, before the word husband could make its past your lips. The way he was looking at you made you slightly uncomfortable so you awkwardly smiled and looked the other direction without a reply.

With a nod of your head, you gave Jessie an odd look that she returned with a shrug. The two of you made your way over to a little a cooking station and placed your bags under the table. Jessie and you chatted as other people strolled into the class area and set up in their usual position as Ethan made small talk with the people around him.

Once the time came to start the class, Ethan clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention, “We’ll be learning how to make a steak dinner,” He looked over and into your eyes, “For two.”

Jessie leaned over to you and whispered, “I think I threw up a little.” You stifled a laugh because you shared the same reaction.

First, you and Jessie both successfully made the creamy scalloped potatoes and the little side Caesar salad to go along with the steak. You then seasoned the steak, put the steak to bake in the oven for a few minutes, and then turned on the gas burner on the stove. You put canola oil in the pan, butter, garlic, rosemary and thyme as you took the steak out of the oven. As you pulled the oven pan out, you bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry––“

“You’re fine,” Ethan’s voice filled the air. You scrunched your nose up as he took a step closer to you from behind and, along with your hand, he took hold of the oven pan and settled it on the counter top. Jessie side glanced over as she cooked her steak, and all you could do was widen your eyes and beg for help.

Ethan then took a pair of tongs and placed the steak in the sizzling pan, “So, now what you do––“

“I can help her cooking the steak,” Jessie cut him off. She sensed how uncomfortable you were, and it even made her feel weird seeing how close Ethan pressed himself up against you. She didn’t like how he was treating you and thought the behavior was inappropriate.

Ethan shook his head, “I’ve got it. I should help my students out.”

You cleared your throat, “I can handle it, someone else may need your help––”

“What am I getting paid to do if I don’t help you out?” Ethan raised an eyebrow.

But you weren’t backing down easily. He’d made other advances on you during other lessons and this was your time to put your foot down, “I’m fine––“

“Mrs. Mendes––“

“Yes, Mrs. Mendes,” You stumbled over your words and began to talk faster than the speed of light. Whenever you got extremely nervous, you always seemed to talk with your hands, “That’s my name, the one and only, and the prefix indicates that I’m married––“

It seemed like Ethan didn’t like you mentioning how you were married and very much not looking for a relationship. His eyes narrowed at yours and he took hold of your wrists. His grip was too strong for your liking, and you looked up at him in shock. The glowering possessiveness in his eyes frightened you.

Ethan gripped your wrists tighter, “Moving your hands and having them fly around while other people are cooking isn’t safe––“

“Hey,” Jessie turned off her stove, “You probably shouldn’t touch her––“

You didn’t let Jessie finish her sentence before you ripped your wrists out from his hold. Part of you was shocked that a teacher would take hold of his student in such a rough manner, and the other half of your brain couldn’t process what was happening because with pulling your wrist back, you brought your elbow down and it collided with the handle of the searing pan that the steak was cooking in.

You felt the sting of hot oils run down your back, and in response, you jumped forward, and Ethan was the person in front of you who caught you. He looked at you with concern in his eyes, “Don’t move, you could be burned––“

“Stop!” Your voice was high and scratchy as you raised your voice at him. It was then you realized that everyone had stopped their cooking and turned their attention toward the two of you. Embarrassment flooded your whole body. And you felt yourself heat up in a mix of anger, embarrassment, and fear. You grabbed your bag from under the table and rushed to put your coat on, not wanting anyone outside of the cooking studio to see the oil stains on you.

“Y/n–”

You didn’t want to make any more of a scene, so while biting the inside of your lip to keep yourself from crying, you shook your head, “Thank you for a wonderful lesson today, but I don’t think I’ll be returning ever again.”

And before he could reply, or try and put his hands on you again, you swiftly turned on your heel and sped walked out of the kitchen studio.

––––

Sitting at the little breakfast nook in your apartment with a cup of tea would be more relaxing if your husband hadn’t blatantly been ignoring you for a few days. You knew he was coming home today, but you were clueless as to where he was flying from or what time his flight was getting in.

You were sipping on your tea, watching the Toronto traffic from your window, when your phone buzzed. You looked down and saw Shawn’s name popped up. You had to look at it again because after all the voicemails you left him, his first contact to you was a text message.

Just landed in Toronto.

You stared at the blue text bubble in confusion. Every time he was about to get on a plane, he would always text you, no matter what time it was. He knew that you liked to know his travel schedule. But this was the first time he hadn’t told you his travel information. It made your stomach churn because now you definitely knew that something was wrong.

So you sent him a text back; Do you want me to pick you up?

Almost instantly, he replied, No.

Your heart sank just a little when you read his message. And then you started to feel it break piece by piece as you read the one word, one syllable, answer that held more negative. emotion than it should have. With tears threatening to fall from your eyes at any time, you felt your phone buzz once more with a text from him; Andrew is driving me back.

You nodded to yourself as you typed back a simple; Ok.

Neither one of you said how excited you were to see one another. Which was odd because you and Shawn would always count down the days until you could see each other again, but this time, the two of you hadn’t talked in what seemed like forever.

With the stress about not knowing what was wrong with Shawn and what happened yesterday at the cooking class, your heart was racing and you felt jittery until you saw a familiar car pull up to the side walk down below. You peered out the window and saw your husband for the first time in a few months. Even though there were tons of unsettled questions between the two of you, you still felt your heart pick up speed at the sight of him like it had on your first date.

He pulled out a little over the shoulder bag from inside the car and then you saw Andrew come around with a larger suitcase. You saw the two of them exchange some words, but since you were so high up and looking down at them through the window, you couldn’t hear what either of them were saying.

But a few moments later, Andrew and Shawn hugged, and then Shawn walked towards the building and Andrew got into his car and drove away. Shawn didn’t even send you a text that he was close to your apartment, like he would normally do so you would be waiting in the lobby to greet him. It looked like he didn’t want you to greet him in the lobby. Or see you at all.

He didn’t want you––his wife––he one who promised to love him forever no matter what, to be the first person to greet him when he came back from a long month or so from traveling. Your daunting thoughts kept themselves on a loop in your mind that you didn’t even hear the door open.

It was the sound of a suitcase rolling and a bag dropping on the floor that made you look up from the window. For the first time in months, your husband was standing right in front of you and you didn’t have the need to run up and hug him. Seeing him made your blood boil because of how unreliable he had been recently.

You sat in the little nook and took a sip of your tea, “Have a nice flight?” You kept your voice monotone. You didn’t want him to know that your past few nights had been hell with him ignoring you, and that you were getting no sleep, imagining what your reunion would be like after radio silence from him. And here you were, after every scenario you created in your mind, it did not turn out how you thought.

His hair was disheveled, t-shirt wrinkled in every place, and his left sock was raised higher than the left. It looked like he had the same problem as you––not being able to sleep for the past few days. All you wanted to do was reach out to him and feel his arms wrap tight around you. You missed his familiar smell, the one that his pillow still smelled like, even after countless washes. You slept on that pillow every night he had been on tour.

In your mind, you imagined Shawn either apologizing for his silence, or having his face turn red as he yelled at you for something you had no idea about. But it wasn’t either of those options. It was just like how he had been treating you for the past few days; silence.

His eyes held no emotion, the exhaustion evident in his face. Shawn was silent, something that was worse than blowing up at you. You imagined anything but him being mute about his feelings because Shawn was always a vocal person.

It was the most deafening silence you had ever heard.

You were waiting for a response to your seemingly innocent question. But as he didn’t respond, you began searching for any facial clues as to any answer you could possibly find. You were growing frustrated. His face was kept with a neutral look; no creases in the eyebrows and not a scrunch of distaste with his nose.

Then you began to search for any other signs that would give away his answer. He wasn’t tapping his foot, he wasn’t swaying from side to side, and he wasn’t twiddling his hands out of nervousness.

His hands.

It was tiny, a detail that wouldn’t be caught by many. But with being married to a man for almost a year, you began to notice every little thing about them. There were certain things that you knew Shawn would always keep on him, and as a married man, you knew he always wore his wedding band. But as you looked at his left hand, you noticed that there was a small sliver of his skin that was lighter shade than the rest.

His ring finger.

You looked down at your left hand, your engagement and wedding ring were in their place, and you quickly looked back at Shawn’s left hand to see if your mind had been playing tricks on you.

Shawn wasn’t wearing his ring, the symbol of marriage that brought two people, who loved each other more than life itself, together.

Your heart stopped and you felt as if you were about to throw up at any minute, a feeling of doom weighed down your chest with every moment of silence passing. Biting the inside of your lip, you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The silence that surrounded the two of you stole your voice. You looked up at him, wanting to ask him why he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, but with silence stealing your voice, he gave it to Shawn who spoke without hesitation in his voice.

“We need to talk.”

#hello hello!!!#feels good to be back and ~editing haha promise I'll get more into writing #since ya know…my laptop crashed and was erased rip cried for so long about that #but ANYWAY #here's Trouble in Canada :)#only made some ~minor tweaks #let me know what you thought of it!! I loved chatting about it with you all and still would love to chat about it now!!#hopefully you're having/had a lovely day or night!!#and let me know what you want to read!!#requests are open obvs #Shawn Mendes fic #Shawn Mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes fan fiction #Shawn Mendes fanfictoin #Shawn Mendes x y/n #Shawn Mendes x yn #Shawn x yn #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes blurb #Shawn Mendes angst #Shawn Mendes x you #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fanfiction #Shawn mendes fic #Shawn Mendes writing #hope you all enjoyed it!!!#Shawn Mendes oneshot #Shawn Mendes x reader #Shawn Mendes writing

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sams-sass · 5 years ago

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Within The Evergreens

This is one of my favorite story lines so I decided to write one of my own.

GIF not mine

Summary: You and Sam play along during a case.

Characters: You, Dean, Sam

Pairings: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Fluffy and sweet. It’s long, I got carried away.

You walked out of your room and into the library where you saw Sam looking at his laptop.

“Please tell me you found us a case.” You said to him coming around to lean on the table in front of him. He looked at you and sat up a little straighter clearing his throat. “Come on, Sam. If I don’t get out of this bunker soon, I may lose my mind.” You said letting your arms spread further down the table as your back twisted slightly. Sam’s eyes lingered on you for a little longer than usual and he licked his lips.

“Uh yeah, yeah. I found one not too far from here. I don’t know if your going to like it though.” He said rubbing the back of his neck slightly as your back straightened and you stood taller, your hands sliding across the cool wood.

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” You asked walking over to look at the computer behind him. You let one hand sling across one shoulder as you brought your chin to rest on the other one. Sam stiffened under your touch and cleared his throat again. God, he smelt good.

“Couples.” He said gesturing towards the computer. “Whatever it is, its going after couples staying at this new all inclusive spa hotel about five hours from here.” You looked over the article talking about how multiple husbands of newly wed couples were found killed, wives taken into custody.

“Ghost possession?” You asked standing up letting Sam relax.

“Possibility.” Sam answered nodding. Dean walked in with a cup of coffee.

“Hey, got us a case?” He asked.

“Yeah, newly wed couples. Husbands being killed, wives going to jail for it. Nice spa hotel about 5 hours from here.” Sam explained.

“Awesome.” Said Dean. “How do you want to play it? FBI? Exterminators? Or would you like to lean how to give massages and get all touchy feely?” Dean asked raising his eyebrows and smiling, wiggling his fingers.

“Ew.” Was all you said back, arms crossed over your chest.

“I was actually thinking undercover.” Sam said looking at Dean, refusing to look at you.

“How would we even?....” You asked letting your voice trail off. “Oh.” You said as realization hit you.

“Hell yes.” Dean said winking at you.

“Again, ew.” You laughed, Dean chuckling with you.

“I’ll go pack.” Dean said walking with an extra pep in his step. You looked at Sam, not really sure what to say. He stood up and faced you, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Well, I guess I gotta wife up.” You said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I’ll pack too.” He said laughing with you. “Oh! Y/N, they have some dinner or something every Friday night that all the couples went to the night the husband died.”

“I’ve got just the dress.” You said with a smile as you walked out of the library and into your room. You started to look through your clothes for appropriate outfits. Taking out a duffel you threw everything in, keeping your hands preoccupied but letting your mind wander. You thought about how you were going to pull this off. You loved both boys, but Sam meant something else to you entirely. You were madly in love with him, and had been for years. He was always so sweet, kind, and caring you fell and couldn’t help it. You tried to throw hints his way, but he always seemed to not catch on or do anything to get out of the situation. You couldn’t pretend to be married to him, but god you wanted to. You also didn’t want to pretend to be married to Dean, you didn’t want Sam to think anything was going on. What if you and Dean went in as a married couple and Sam thought that’s what you wanted. You wanted Sam so much you couldn’t stand it, you wouldn’t want him to think you liked his brother. Your whole body was buzzing as you slipped on a sweater dress, tights, and knee high boots. You ran your fingers through your hair and painted your nails a dark red.

Dean was in his room putting a bunch of stuff into his duffel, he had a plan. He was finally going to let Sammy and Y/N play out being together so they could finally see they were meant for each other. If Dean had to watch Y/N get all giddy and Sam stare at her for WAY too long again, Dean was going to lose his mind. He knew Sammy was hopeless, he was in love with her and it was clear to every one but Y/N. Y/N was beautiful, smart, and man she could kick ass. Dean was ready for them to be together so the annoying mutual pining would be done, but also because he wanted them to be happy. Dean grabbed his stuff and headed towards the war room.

You walked down the hallway into the war room, both boys already there. You leaned against the door frame on your elbow, placing your other hand on your hip and running your hand through your hair slightly to hold your head.

“So! Who is lucky enough to receive my hand in marriage?” You said as both boys turned to look at you. Dean quickly pushed Sam forward and clasped him on the shoulder.

“Sammy here will have the honors.” Dean said with a smile. Sam looked at his brother and then looked at you and nodded a small nervous nod. Your heart raced as you looked at them, a blush covering your cheeks no doubt. This was happening, you were going to have to pretend to love Sam like a husband. Two problems, 1) could you let it go when the case was over? 2) how were you going to pretend without showing how you really felt? You smiled and walked over to them both, Sam quickly grabbed your duffel and made eye contact with you.

“I understand if you don’t-.” Sam started.

“Sam, if there was anyone I would want to be fake married to, it would be a gentleman like you.” You said with a smile, cutting him off before he could stop this from happening. Sam looked at you and gave you a wide grin, showing off his dimples and brightening his whole face. The three of you walked out the door and got into the impala. About an hour into your drive you put your elbows up on the back of the front seat and poked your head in between the two boys.

“We need to stop somewhere.” You said, glancing at Dean.

“Why?”

“Sammy and I need rings.” You said, looking between both of them.

“Right, ok we’ll find something.” Dean nodded as you sunk into the backseat again. About an hour later the three of you stopped by a town for lunch. You all sat down in the diner and ate your food with small talk, talking about the case, and different opinions on what it could be. You then all went to a pawn shop where you and Sam bought rings. The rest of the drive was covered by classic rock and Dean tossing a few jokes Sam’s way about how to be a good husband. You pulled up to the hotel and Dean let out a long whistle, it was absolutely beautiful. It was a tall, large, Victorian building that sat nestled in a dense forest. A dusting of snow was covering the ground and the tall evergreens surrounding the hotel. Twilight was descending, darkening the sky slightly making the lights of the hotel cast a glow in the otherwise quiet area. Sam touched the small of your back lightly and glanced down at you.

“Ready?” He said raising his eyebrows and giving you a hopeful grin.

“Of course! Let’s go, husband.” You said with a smile of your own as you slipped on your new wedding band. As you walked in you and Sam made your story: married a month, October 22nd was your wedding day, met through a mutual friend, waiting to take your honeymoon until the warmer months, thinking about Italy, needed a long weekend to celebrate. The secretary took your information and gave you your room key as your bags were taken by a bellhop and escorted upstairs. You and Sam exchanged looks and walked up the stairs to your room. Opening the door you gasped and Sam’s face fell slightly. The room was gorgeous, it was a mix of warm nude tones, dark wood, and burgundy and gold accents. There was a fireplace with an already lit fire. The bed was large and looked incredibly comfortable. On either side of the bed sat French doors leading out to a balcony that overlooked a lake surrounded by evergreens and a path of lanterns. The two of you walked in and slowly walked around the room, your luggage was already there so there wasn’t anything for you to do. You walked into the bathroom, it was large, clean, and gorgeous. Marble tile covered the entire room, floor to ceiling. A mirror in a flaking gold frame sat perched against the wall, double sinks rested in an antique dresser. You ran your fingers along the entire thing until you saw the shower. It was basically a room in itself, a large showerhead hung from the ceiling pointing directly down, there were three other showerheads that came in from the sides. It was like a freaking car wash.

“Sam!” You called to him. “Come look at this shower!” Sam came into the room and immediately raised his eyebrows at the entire bathroom.

“That’s huge!” He said with a boyish grin.

“I know right!” You agreed chuckling. You both turned to look at the tub, marble tile lined stars leading into it. There was a half circle of windows that the large tub was fitted into, jets were on all sides and bottom. The tub was surrounded by different scents, dried flowers, and plush towels.

“If you ever cant find me, I’ll be in there.” You joked.

“Noted.” Sam said laughing. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?” He asked placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Of course.” You said nerves eating away at your stomach. The two of you walked back into the room and sat on the bed.

“I know we have to play husband and wife for a bit, and we are newly weds so we will probably be really in love.” Sam started.

“Ok.” You said nodding, trying to get it out of him.

“Basically I just wanted ask you if it was ok for me to be like…touching you a lot and holding your hand, calling you pet names, showing you affection essentially. I just wanted to know if you were ok with that.” He said looking at his hands, clearly petrified of what you might do if he touched you without warning. Your heart jumped at the idea. Sam loving you, holding you, kissing you. Your breathing stopped and it took everything in you not to smile and blurt out that you have only been dreaming about this.

“I know, Sam. It’s all ok, I know you respect me and would never cross a line unless you knew I was cool with it.” You said putting your hand on his, feeling the warmth of his skin. You both smiled at each other as you made eye contact. It was held for a little longer than normal and you could swear you saw him lean forward slightly. A knock sounded at your door, making you jump and take your hand off of Sam’s. Sam cleared his throat and opened the door, letting Dean in. He looked around the room, in awe just as you and Sam had. He was dressed in a janitors uniform, also undercover.

“Nice digs.” He said nodding his head excitedly and walking around the room.

“I know right, did you see the tub? Like damn.” You said with a chuckle, Dean laughing with you. “So, what’s up?” You asked Dean.

“Right, so the couples were all in love, like Swayze and Moore in love.”

“Are you talking about ‘Ghost’?” You asked him, sending Sam an amused look.

“Yes. Yes I am.” Dean said looking at you like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Anyway, they attended this fancy dinner thing they host on Fridays, tonight, and the next mornings the husbands were found with their hearts torn out.” Dean explained.

“Like werewolf ripped out?” Sam asked.

“Dunno, gotta go to the coroner tomorrow to see.” Dean said. “Well, you have got to get ready for this dinner tonight. I’ll see you guys later.” Dean left the room, leaving you and Sam alone again.

“I’m going to get ready, let me know if you need the bathroom.” You said grabbing your bag and walking into the bathroom.

“Will do.” Sam said with a polite smile. You took the dress out of your bag and hug it up on the door, stripping out of your clothes and pulling your hair up you took a quick shower. The shower was absolutely incredible, even shaving felt amazing. You got out of the shower and wrapped yourself in one of the lavish towels and stood in front of the mirror. Putting one leg on the counter at a time to rub lotion all over your skin felt so good. You hadn’t pampered yourself like this in a long time. You put on modest makeup that flaunted your natural face, except for the bold red you put on your lips. You put a little spray in your hair to give it a little bounce and your favorite perfume. Lastly you pulled on the dress, black with a low cut neckline. It hugged your curves the right way and showed off what you wanted it to show off. You opened the bathroom door and faced Sam.

“Oh. My. God. Sam you have to-.” Sam was staring at you, not just staring, he was practically drooling. His face was blank and his eyes were dark. You watched his chest rise and fall in large, heavy breaths. Your core tightened as he looked at you and you rubbed your thighs together.

“You…you look stunning.” He said stumbling over his words slightly. He walked towards you and rubbed your arm with his hand. “I mean it, really beautiful.”

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” You said back, and he did. You had seen Sam in his suit when you were all being an FBI agent many times, but this time it was different. This time it was for you. Sam laughed slightly at your compliment.

“Thank you, shall we?” He said raising a hand towards the door.

“Yes, I’m starving.” You both walked into the main dining room and were once again halted in place by its beauty. The theme of dark wood accented by burgundy and gold carried into this room, but there were lights everywhere. Almost every surface was donned with a candle. A chandelier hung in the middle of the room and there was an old bar in the corner. The hostess showed you two to a table, Sam pulled out your chair for you and then sat across from you and smiled. Here we go, this was it. He was beginning to act like a man in love. You both looked at the menu a little, a man came over to your table for you to order a drink. Sam ordered a beer and you ordered a whiskey sour.

“Do you know what your getting?” He asked you.

“I don’t know yet, I think the filet mignon sounds delightful.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” He said, he then placed his hand on the table and waited. You lifted your hand off your lap and put it in his. His hand closed around yours and his thumb made lazy circles over your skin. He was looking at the menu and the act of you two holding hands looked so natural you almost believed it yourself. The waiter came back with your drinks and you both ordered the filet, he left and the two of you were alone again. Sam raised your hand to his mouth and left a small kiss on the underside of your wrist. You licked your lips and gave him your best smile. You leaned forward, placing your elbow on the table and took a long pull from your drink.

“So, tell me something about you I don’t know.” You said running your finger around the brim of your water glass looking up at him from under your lashes. Sam gave you a crooked smile and looked away from you for a moment.

“I don’t know.” He said giving a small chuckle.

“I’ll go first, I took ice skating and horse back riding lessons as a kid.” You said.

“You took ice skating? I would have loved to see that.” He joked with you.

“Why?” You laughed with him. “I bet it’s the short, tight dresses.” You said leaning even closer.

“Based on how you look tonight, I would say that’s a yes.” He said giving your hand a squeeze and letting his eyes lower slowly tracking their way back up you until they met your eyes. Your breathing quickened and your lips parted slightly. Your food came and you realized you had totally forgotten about your hunger. The two of your ate your food with small talk and one more drink. When you were done the two of you moved to the bar. Sam sat on a stool, there was a stool next to him, but seeing how things went at dinner you decided to be brave. You laid one hand on Sam’s shoulder and the other on his opposite thigh. You stood in between his legs and leaned against him. He reached up and ran his fingers slightly through your hair, placing it behind your ear. Your heart was racing so hard, you were sure Sam could hear it. He leaned forward again and placed his forehead against your temple.

“I don’t see anyone acting weirdly.” He said into your hair.

“I don’t smell anything, and I’ve seen a few people touch silver and not flinch.” You said running your hand down his back.

“Narrows it down a bit.” Sam agreed looking at you. Because he was sitting and you were standing, you two were at eye level. Sam’s pupils looked dilated, ‘was this something more than acting?’ you thought to yourself. The rest of the night passed with nothing happening. The two of you made your way up to your room without touching each other more than usual. You already missed his skin on yours.

“I can sleep on the floor.” He said with a shrug.

“It’s ok, Sam. We don’t want anyone to think we aren’t what we say we are.” You assured him, he only nodded back.

“I’m going to wash up, need the bathroom?” You asked getting your PJ’s out of your bag.

“Nah, go ahead.” Washing up was longer than expected as you couldn’t shake your thoughts away. That was so personal, he was so sincere. Unless he’s an amazing actor, you couldn’t see how it was all fake. Taking a deep breath you opened the door and saw Sam was already asleep. Climbing into bed you almost fell into Sam’s body and let yourself fall into his heat and warm scent. You stopped, telling yourself there was nothing there and made your body lay on the cold side of the mattress. You couldn’t fall asleep and after about an hour of trying, you decided to stop tossing and turning. You got out of bed, pulling on one of the plush and warm robes supplied by the hotel and stepped onto the balcony. You were completely mesmerized at the scene in front of you. Snow was falling lightly, the trees catching it with their long branches. Lanterns lined a path around the lake, emitting an amber light that showed the snow dancing to the ground. You loved snow, there was a silence and stillness to the earth during and after a snowfall that you couldn’t stop looking at. White snowflakes cascading down in their peaceful fall against a black sky was so beautiful, you didn’t think you could ever grow accustomed to it. You were so lost in looking at the sky and all the thoughts of Sam running through your mind that you hadn’t realized he was now standing in the doorway of the balcony. His eyes were on your face as you breathed the clean, cold air into your lungs and let your eyes fall closed. Sam felt his chest tighten as he looked at you, your body was curled into itself, your eyes were closed and your face looked completely at peace. He didn’t want to disturb you, but he didn’t want you to catch him staring either. He walked over to you and knelt in front of you, placing a hand on yours.

“Y/N?” He said your name so softly it was just above a whisper. Your eyes opened and looked directly into his. It took everything he had to contain himself when you did that. When you looked so deep in his eyes, like you were looking for the meaning of life.

“Sam.” You said back placing your other hand over his. Your hand was freezing and Sam quickly gathered both your hands into his large ones, trying to warm them up. He pulled your grasped hands up to his lips and blew hot air onto your hands. His eyes were still connected to yours as your fingers were pressed against his lips. This was easily the most intimate moment you had had together and your heart was racing as you looked into Sam’s eyes. There was such a strong tension between you two it made your stomach flip and your chest burn. Suddenly, a scream filled the air, it was a woman, pained. You both stood up and raced out of the room running down the hall. Dean ran toward you from the other direction, you all ran in the direction the scream came from. People were poking their heads out of their rooms, but no one was in the hallway with you. You rounded a corner and heard crying coming from one of the rooms. Dean opened the door with his master key and the three of you burst in the room. A woman was kneeling over a man crying heavily. You watched her chest rise and fall as her shoulders shook.

“No!” She wailed. “What have I done? What have I done? I love you, no please I love you so much.” Your heart was aching for this woman. You couldn’t begin to understand what she was going through. You walked over to her and placed you hand on her shoulder. Her head lifted and her eyes looked in yours with so much pain you almost started to cry. By now, hotel employees were filing into the room, the police had been called and there was nothing else you could do. You saw her hands were covered in blood and that the mans chest had a hole in it, right where his heart should be. You looked him over further and saw that his throat was also slit, interesting. “I don’t know what happened, one minute we were talking over a glass of wine and the next he’s dead and I’m holding his heart.” She had ectoplasm running down her face. You looked up at Dean and Sam. You all quickly left, you didn’t want to leave her but the police were already on their way and multiple other people had seen what you did. It broke your heart to leave her there, knowing she would be punished for something she didn’t do, but you had to solve this case. The three of you entered the room you and Sam were staying in.

“It’s definitely a ghost possession, she had ectoplasm on her face. She tore his heart out of his chest, I think we are looking for one seriously pissed off woman.” You said once the door was closed and it was clear no one had followed the three of you.

“This hotel, its been freshly renovated, but its old. I think this was someone’s house at one point.” Sam said looking for his laptop in his bag.

“Yeah, probably.” Dean said salting the doorway. Sam was typing and Dean was salting every entrance.

“Got something!” Sam said from the table. “Bethany Saunders formerly Bethany Hardwick. She was married to Jacob Saunders and a month after their wedding Bethany was found dead, throat slit. Her husband, Jacob was then married to Bethany’s sister, Victoria, two days later.”

“Well, he’s an ass.” You said looking over Sam’s shoulder at the article.

“Yeah, major dick.” Dean agreed with you. “Say where she’s buried?” Dean asked.

“Heathcliff Cemetery, about a mile from here.” Sam said showing Dean on the map.

“Got it, I’ll go do the salt and burn, you two stay here and keep these people safe.” Dean said flinging the door open, Bethany stood right there. She grabbed Dean by the throat and tossed him aside, you took out your iron crowbar and slid it through her.

“Dean, go. Sam and I got this!” You called to him. He got to his feet and ran out the door. You grabbed the salt and made a circle of salt as Sam closed the door and waited by it with another can of salt. “What are you doing?” You asked him.

“I’m waiting for her to come back in here, then salt the door so she can’t hurt anyone else.”

“Oh, good thinking.” You said finishing your circle. Minuets ticked by and you knew Dean was already digging up her grave. It was going to take a while for him to dig it by himself, you were going to have to keep this ghost entertained for a while. It was almost 10 minuets by the time something happened.

“Y/N!” Sam called, you turned and Bethany was right in front of you. You swiped at her with your crowbar and she disappeared for a moment. Sam sprinkled the salt on the doorway once again and ran into the circle with you. You two stood back to back, weapons ready. She appeared a few more times as you and Sam swiped your weapons through her. Suddenly a window opened and the salt all blew away. She was walking towards you and you tried to get away. Sam jumped in front of you, shielding you from her when suddenly she burned up in flames. You and Sam looked at each other, heavy breaths and beating hearts. Dean burst through the door, covered in dirt.

“Good, glad you guys are ok.” He said, you didn’t hear him, Sam was still staring at you. He took one step towards you and ran his fingers through your hair. Dean smiled and left you two alone.

“Thank you.” You said to him as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“At dinner you asked me to tell you something you don’t know about me.”

“Yes.” You said nodding.

“I love you Y/F/N Y/L/N, I love you so much.” Sam said with a smile.

“I love you too, Sam Winchester.” You said as he closed the space between you too. His mouth opened as the kiss deepened. You let out a small moan and Sam’s hands traveled down your body pulling you closer to him. This was everything you wanted. Everything you needed. Your fingers tugged lightly on his hair, pulling a moan from Sam. The two of you fell into passion that was missed for years. Built up emotions making the world drop from around you.

One Year and One Month Later

“Can you please tell me where we are going!” You said touching the blindfold around your eyes.

“No.” Sam said laughing at you.

“Are you sure Dean and Cas are going to be alright with Bobby? He’s so little.” You asked. Yeah, Sam had gotten you on the first try.

“Baby, it will all be ok. Try and have fun. I gave them written instructions and if anything goes wrong they have our phone numbers. Plus, Bobby is such a good baby, he hardly ever makes a fuss.” He said taking your hand in his. The car slowed and Sam came to your side of the car to open the door. He took your hand again and helped you out of the car. He stepped behind you and took your blindfold off. You were back at the same hotel where you solved that case a year ago.

“Sam.” You said turning to face him.

“We didn’t get to really enjoy this place ad now that there is no more ghost I think we should enjoy it.” He said massaging your shoulders and kissing your neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” And you two walked in the hotel for the weekend you deserved a year ago.

#sam x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sammy love #supernatural #spn #spn insert #supernatural fandom #spn fandom #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction

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rainandhotchocolate · 5 years ago

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Coffee and Books

A/N it’s day TWO FOLKS - this is a coffee shop au kind of thing, super fluffy, literally just fluff. and fluff. anyway enjoy the fluff xx

Sirius watched as Y/N heaved the large packaged box through the front door of Grub Street Books as he absentmindedly washed a large glass over and over again in his hands.

“Stop staring you freak,” James elbowed him, grinning as Sirius had to stumble forwards to avoid breaking the glass in his hands.

“I wasn’t staring,” He grumbled, giving another quick glance out the window and across to where Y/N had been standing. She was gone. Sirius looked away quickly, trying to look busy stacking up the rest of the glasses on top of the coffee machine before the 6am rush. James was babbling behind him about his latest attempt to get one of their regulars, Lily, a pretty redhead who ordered 3 shots of coffee and sat working on her computer furiously for hours on end. He nodded along slowly, ducking under the counter to grab more glasses.

“Uh hello?”

A voice came from above the counter, making Sirius jump and bang his head on the shelf.

“Oh hi, hello, oh hey!” Sirius brushed his hair out of his face, surprised to see Y/N standing in front of him, smiling expectantly.

They both spoke simultaneously.

“You’re not usually in this early.”

“Could I grab a strong three-quarter latte?”

“Oh sorry, of course, I normally prepare regulars orders in advance so it will just take a few minutes.” Sirius backtracked, feeling his cheeks flush as he spoke over her again.

“Oh, we are trialling opening earlier to get people walking to work,” Y/N laughed loudly, a throaty sound that made her whole-body shake. Sirius had a pang in his chest as he heard it and struggled to not lean on his forearm and watch her.

“Ok so mornings don’t suit either of us then,” Y/N breathed out a final laugh, smiling brightly at him. Sirius was desperately trying to calm his heart doing acrobatics in his chest.

“Yeah,” He smiled back at her, “You’d think I’d be much better since I do this every day.”

“Perhaps you need some coffee,” She winked and moved to the other side of the counter where patrons usually waited for food. Sirius went to reply but instead opened and closed his mouth before moving towards the coffee machine, cursing internally. James sniggered from behind him as he poured out a double shot and tried to ignore him.

“Oh, shut up, you can’t get a date to save your life,” He hissed in response, but instead of putting James out, his grin grew wider.

“Just you wait, you’ll be at our wedding,” James replied, pushing Sirius forwards and towards where Y/N was walking, “Talk to her.”

“What do I say?”

“Anything!”

“Did you get your haircut?” Sirius called towards Y/N who had turned around to wave goodbye and stopped clumsily to hear him.

“Oh,” She reached out and felt the edge of her hair, “Yeah, I put some colour in it.”

“It’s…nice.”

“Thanks, it was due for a change,” She smiled at him, still twirling her finger through her hair, “uh, so see you.”

“Yeah,” Sirius waved at her, turning to face the counter and putting his head directly onto it.

“That was not smooth,” Sirius raised his head to see Lily standing in front of him, a smirk playing on her lips as she pulled off her large winter coat.

“Shut up, Miss workaholic, I’m yet to see you make conversation with any potential dates,” Sirius glared at her, placing a glass underneath the coffee machine where James had begun making her order but became periodically distracted with her dark green, figure hugging sweater.

“You have yet to see me outside this café, I do well enough thanks,” Lily winked at Sirius, taking the glass of triple expresso and taking her regular spot at the counter. At first, Sirius had wondered why she bothered sitting at the counter when she seemed to seethe at James’ general existence and constant attempts to ask her out on a date, but he’d soon seen the soft smiles she gave when James wasn’t looking, mostly when the next door neighbours kids came in and he gave them all babycinos with different little pictures in the milk and chatted with them as they stared up at him with awe.

“She is right, that was awful.”

“Yeah thanks mate, that definitely needed to be said,” Sirius grumbled, turning on his hospitality smile, the one that always got him extra tips, and facing the queue of early morning customers who had begun to trek into the café, leaving a trail of wet snow and rain at the entrance.

The day was a long one, it always seemed to get significantly busier when the holidays began, customers wanting a warm drink and to stare at the cold weather from the large glass windows. Sirius was happy for the distraction, wanting to completely forget he ever spoke to Y/N like an absolute prat and focus on the regulars instead. Lily stayed later than usual, still tapping away loudly at her computer when James and Sirius had begun closing up, James humming jingle bells (which had been blasting through the speakers all afternoon) as he mopped the floors.

“I’ve seen you with other customers,” Lily said suddenly, not looking up at Sirius. Sirius had semi-forgotten she was there as he cleaned out the coffee machine and turned to her in surprise.

“What?”

“I’ve seen you chatting to other customers, girls who come through, you could flirt the panties off an old lady.”

“Did I ever tell you how charming you are?” Sirius rolled his eyes, deflecting her insinuation. He knew he was a bit of a flirt; it was something he’d learnt from his parents. Dress well, compliment something specific, plaster a shit-eating grin on your face, and people will trust you. It was automatic at this point, having worked in hospitality for the last 5 years it was ingrained into his system, and as much as he’d rather not thank is parents for anything, it had definitely gotten him a few good nights.

Lily sighed at him, finally closing her laptop and leaning over the counter. Her bright green eyes were a little mesmerising as she glared up at him. Sirius had the sudden thought that perhaps James made her mad just to see this look.

“You get at least one phone number a day, and you can’t even have a fucking conversation with this girl? What’s the deal?”

Sirius continued cleaning the coffee machine, ignoring her continued stare and irritating silence. He groaned, putting down the large bottle of detergent.

“I actually like her, ok? Its like my whole body shuts down when she’s around and I become this… blithering idiot of a human being.”

Lily suddenly broke into a huge smile. Sirius gave her a suspicious look.

“What…”

“Sirius is in love!” Lily cried, her smile somehow getting wider, eyes twinkling up at him. The noise caught the attention of James who was still humming the same three lines of jingle bells. He skipped up to the counter, leaning against it and looking similarly up at Sirius.

“I’m sorry, do repeat that for me, would you?” James put his hands under his chin and crooked his head. Sirius wanted to swipe out a hand and make his hands fall out from underneath him.

“This little immature boy is in love!” Lily said again, without a hint of sarcasm towards James, still grinning. It took James a second to realise that she wasn’t making a snipe at him.

“I -uh, oh!” James’ eyes flickered between Lily and Sirius, hiding his confusion terribly. Lily ignored him regardless, beginning to pack her things back into her large tote bag.

“Just talk to her, pick a subject to ask her about or something, it’s sad seeing you so… well desperate,” Lily gave him a slightly apologetic look before standing up, “Alright, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.

James watched her as she walked out of the café, already on her phone.

“Ok, she’s in love with me,” James lifted his arms up, fists clenched, a look of triumph plastered on his face.

“She was nice to you one time, and that’s your conclusion?”

“You’ve got to have hope, my poor lost in love friend,” James patted his shoulder sagely. Sirius twisted around and pushed him off playfully.

“I’ll kill you,” Sirius grabbed his oversized trench coat and gloves, starting to turn off all the lights as James followed suit.

“You couldn’t live without me,” James made kissing noises, dodging out of the way as Sirius swung towards his ribs.

They locked up and began walking towards their apartment three streets over. The wind was howling now, making the trees lined up across the street sway dangerously over the power lines. Sirius pulled his coat tighter around him, forcing himself to keep looking forwards instead of flicking his eyes back to see if the light was still on in Y/N’s store. I wonder if she is by herself-

“You’ve got the keys, mate,” James nudged him, looking expectantly at the front door they were now standing in front of, pulling Sirius out of his thoughts.

“Right, right,” He replied absent-mindedly, pulling out the large set of keys he kept on hand and finding the right one to bring them into the warmth of their home. They’d lived together ever since school finished, even though James’ parents lived two suburbs over in a huge terrace house near Hyde Park. Whilst James was one of the messiest people Sirius’ had ever come across, and possibly had no idea how to cook anything other than omelettes and stir-fry’s, they’d yet to get into a proper argument that wasn’t just about Sirius distracting James when they were playing FIFA. Which is likely why Sirius’ cranky mood sparked James’ interest.

“What is wrong,” He elongated each vowel, trailing after Sirius who had thrown his coat across the couch and began thumping his way into his bedroom, “Is it just about this girl? What’s her name, Y/N? You really weren’t that bad this morning.”

“Can you just, please, leave me alone for a minute,” Sirius kept his voice calm, not wanting James to start prodding him with his bony fingers.

“Alright, alright,” He put his hands up in defeat, “I’m ordering Indian if you want some.”

Sirius grunted a yes, kicking off his boots outside his room and laying face forward on the bed. Idiot idiot idiot.

Y/N had started working at the shop next door a nearly a year ago now, replacing the previous manager who had come into Sirius & James’ café every morning and complained that their service was too slow. She’d come in and introduced herself, and Sirius dropped a whole tray of saltshakers across the floor. He wasn’t quite sure what it was that made him so nervous. Maybe it was way her smile took over her whole face, crinkling her nose and making her eyes close-up slightly and her dimples show. Or the parade of brightly coloured coats she seemed to own that seemed to both clash and go with what she was wearing all at once. Or when he’d asked her about her favourite books and her eyes lit up like a child and her voice got louder and louder when she spoke about her favourite characters. Or perhaps it was because she was god damned pretty.

Sirius groaned into his pillow as James called out that food had arrived, joining him on the couch in silence. After a moment, James turned to face Sirius, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Do you… do you think that Lily actually likes me… just like, as a person?” James said earnestly.

“I…” Sirius was thrown a little of guard, a spoonful of dahl still in his mouth. He swallowed quickly, “I mean, yeah, I think so. I think she just doesn’t really like when you act like a twat around her.”

“Mm,” James turned back to his food, looking pensive. Sirius thumbed the spoon he was holding a little awkwardly.

“You just need to stop harassing her, act like a normal human being. She always watches you with other customers, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, I’m not going to make shit up to make you feel better,” Sirius gave him a smile, shoving him slightly.

“Y/N watches you too you know. When you’re making her coffee, she basically can’t take her eyes off you.”

“Mm,” Sirius kept his face neutral but could feel his heart rate spiking.

“Anyway, want to play FIFA?”

The next morning snow had begun to fall heavily, wind banging against the windows of James and Sirius’ apartment. James was huddled around a bowl of hot porridge as Sirius came into the kitchen to grab some breakfast before they made their way to the café.

“Are people even going to come today, it’s so bloody cold,” James groaned, watching the snow fall outside the window.

“You know it will be stupidly busy,” Sirius muttered, rubbing his eyes. He felt like he’d barely slept, going over what he could have said, should have said, to Y/N. James groaned again, leaning back into their large brown armchair.

The snow had become slush, and made what was normally a 5-minute walk, 15. Reaching the corner of the street Sirius noticed a small figure huddled out the front of the café, wrapped in a large deep red coat, head dipped to avoid the wind. When the figure noticed the two boys, they looked up, giving them a warm smile and making Sirius want to melt into the pavement once he realised it was Y/N.

“Hey!” She called out, standing up and brushing the snowflakes off her shoulders. James pushed Sirius in front of him as they reached the front door.

“Uh, hey! What are you doing here? I mean, not in a bad way, it’s great that you’re here, but like it’s cold a-“Sirius shut up with another kick from James.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve been locked out,” she grimaced, dancing on the spot a little to keep warm as James unlocked the door. Sirius had the urge to wrap his arms around her. James pushed the door open and let her in with a smile, turning into a go and fucking talk to her glare when Sirius reached the doorway.

“What happened?” Sirius gave James a scowl in response and followed Y/N into the café.

“The lovely owner decided to change all the locks last night. She said there would be a spare key in the letterbox but there is nothing,” Y/N huffed, pulling off her coat and gloves, rubbing her hands together to warm them up, “I’m so glad you guys are here early, I have to wait for her to come in and knowing her it will be at least another hour.”

“You’re lucky it’s snowing out, we normally leave a lot later,” James grinned at her, pushing Sirius over from the coffee machine so that he could make her coffee and force Sirius into talking instead.

“That’s why I’m here early too, anticipated falling over at least 4 times on the way over,” Y/N turned her smile on Sirius, her y/e/c eyes gazing into his.

“So, you, uh, live near here as well then?”

“Yeah! Just around the corner, moved closer when I got the job. Where do you live?”

“About three blocks away, with James.”

“Oh wow, what’s it like working and living together?” Y/N laughed, and Sirius’ stomach jolted.

“Haven’t killed him yet, so not awful,” Sirius grinned back at her, leaning against the counter.

“I just moved into a place by myself, I’m still not sure if I like having no roommates or not, but at least I’m not cleaning every fucking afternoon,” She shook her head, turning her smile on James as he handed her the mug of coffee.

“You’re telling me! This one doesn’t know how to do his own laundry,” Sirius pointed at James who looked affronted.

“What! How old are you? How can you not know how to do laundry!” Y/N’s smile grew wider as they fell into easy conversation about James’ lack of ability to function without his family.

A loud alarm went off on Sirius’ phone, making both Sirius and Y/N jump.

“Oh shit, we need to open shop,” Sirius swore, rushing to grab the coffee from the storeroom as James finished setting up each table and swung around the open sign.

Lily was the first through the door, grumbling about being stuck in the cold for an extra 2 minutes than she’d planned this morning. She stopped short when she saw Y/N sitting on the counter, a smirk playing on her lips.

“Hello there,” Lily dropped her bag next to Y/N and held out a hand, “I’m Lily.”

“Oh, Y/N. Are you a regular here?” Y/N glanced at Sirius who had stared on Lily’s order and nodded.

“You could say that, so you’re the Y/N who works across the road yes? At the bookstore?”

“Uh, yes,” Y/N breathed out a laugh, “Have you been in before?”

“Once or twice,” Lily gave Sirius a mischievous smile, ignoring his eyes flashing at her.

Sirius went to interrupt them but a line had formed behind the counter and the first customer had begun tapping obnoxiously on the linoleum floors.

“Sorry, been a bit of a mess this morning, what can I get for you?”

The morning rush, as Sirius predicted, was worse than usual, with many people using their café as an excuse to get out of the cold for a few minutes. Sirius watched out of the corner of his eye Y/N and Lily continue to chat, giggling to each other every few minutes. He felt sick, what was she telling her.

Finally, the crowd eased, and Sirius turned back to where Y/N and Lily had been sitting to find some excuse to steal Y/N away, but she was gone. He stared at the spot momentarily, Lily having already pulled out her laptop and was tapping away aggressively, before he heard a small cough in front of him.

“Sirius?” Y/N had pulled on her coat and was standing in front of him.

“Oh hey, I thought you’d left-“But Y/N interrupted before Sirius could embarrass himself further.

“Lily was telling me that you were having trouble finding a new book to read, you should come by after work, I’ll grab you some new books,” Y/N smiled brightly, grabbing her coat and waving goodbye to James.

“Oh, yeah, that sounds good,” Sirius beamed, waving her off into the snow. His heart was in his throat. What just happened?

“Success!” Lily looked over her laptop, having obviously just eaves dropped on their entire conversation, grinning at him.

“What did you do?”

“Exactly what she said, that you were looking for a good read,” Lily shrugged, “It’s really not that hard when she’s so clearly into you.”

Sirius scowled at her but couldn’t help feeling a slightly bit grateful for her intervention.

“Also, where’s James today? He hasn’t annoyed me once, I was worried he might have died,” Lily returned to her laptop, but Sirius was sure he didn’t miss the flush that hit her cheeks.

“Oh, he’s around, perhaps he’s realised you’re not interested,” Sirius winked at her.

The rest of the day seemed to drag, each minute to 6pm ticking along so slowly Sirius swore that the clocks had stopped multiple times throughout the day. Finally, the last customer had left, and Sirius had begun biting his nails whilst he wiped the counter down again.

“Oh my god, go Sirius, before you go insane,” James grabbed the towel from his hands and swapped it with his trenchcoat, “Come on.”

“Alright, alright,” Sirius swatted him away, pulling on the coat, pausing when he reached the door, “Are you sure you can close down everything by yourself?”

“Stop stalling you freak, go.”

Sirius gave him a grimace as James gave him the finger and indicated for him to leave again. Wrapping the Trenchcoat around himself he stepped into the bracing wind, watching carefully for cars before running across the road to Grub Street Books. The lights were still on, but Y/N had turned the open sign around to deter any customers. He knocked on the door, feeling supremely awkward about knocking on the door of a store, watching as Y/N looked up from what she was reading and smiled, bounding down from the sales desk to meet him.

“You came!” She ushered him in, closing the door quickly to keep out the cold.

“Well you know, can’t turn down free books,” Sirius breathed out a laugh watching her move back to the desk.

“Who said they were free?”

“Oh, I’m sorry I just presumed, I – “

“I’m kidding,” Y/N laughed, and Sirius felt himself let go of the breath he was holding. Get a grip, Black.

“Sorry, I’m a bit all over the place today,” He met her at the desk, “So what books can you recommend me?”

“Well I might need a bit of help on your end, given there’s about 20 billion books out there. What are you into?”

“Thrillers, mostly. A bit of sci-fi?” Sirius pulled a hand through his hair, enjoying watching Y/N’s eyes trail his hands before meeting his.

“Ok, I can work with that, give me a second,” She slipped away towards the bookshelves, humming something Sirius couldn’t quite make out. Sirius leaned against the counter, trying to avoid biting his nails. The store was small, but in a quaint way that felt like you could sit in the corner and read for hours without realising it. Sirius had only been in a few times, given that the previous manager was a dick, and his working hours usually overlapped, but he noticed that Y/N had put up a couple of large posters of classic rock bands along the walls.

“So, there’s three I can think of right now that I reckon, you’ll like,” Y/N came out of the shadows holding three, very large books.

“Three is plenty, I’m a very slow reader,” Sirius grinned as she came and displayed them in front of him, standing by his side. Sirius couldn’t help but wonder how easy it would be to just slip his hand on the small of her back, or into her fingers. He could feel her body heat radiating into his shoulder, her hair inches away from his.

“Well I’ve read this one,” She pointed to the largest, a book called Dune with a sunset colour across the front cover, “it is quite long because it’s like multiple books in one? But definitely worth the read.”

She turned to gauge his reaction, her face suddenly inches from his. Sirius swallowed hard, desperately trying to avoid glancing down at her perfectly shaped, soft pink lips…

“Uh, yeah… that one sounds… good,” Sirius breathed out slowly, still watching her closely. Y/N hadn’t moved either, keeping her eyes latched on his. Fuck it.

He leaned slightly closer, his heartbeat getting louder and louder in his chest as he breathed in the smell of her shampoo and watched her inch close to him as well. His hand crept around her hips and pulled her in suddenly, pressing his lips softly against hers. She leaned into him, placing her arms around his neck as they moved slowly together.

Sirius pulled away first, feeling exceedingly giddy, looking down at her with a goofy smile.

“I was sort of hoping you would do that,” She breathed out, smiling up at him as well.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I was worried I’d have to get out the mistletoe,” Y/N smirked, still leaning in close to his chest.

“I actually have something else I wanted to ask you,” Sirius murmured, loving the feeling of her stomach pressed up against him, his arms around her waist.

“Is that so?”

“Did you want to get dinner sometime?”

“No.”

“Oh, I- “

“Not some time, what about tonight,” Y/N bit her lip, still smirking at him.

“Give me a heart attack why don’t you,” Sirius closed his eyes, shaking his head at her as he barked out a laugh.

“So, you free?”

“As a bird.”

“You definitely need to read more if that’s what you’re going with,” Y/N laughed again, a little nervously. Sirius wanted to revel in it, the slight hitch in her breathing as she looked up at him.

“You’re probably right.” Sirius wasn’t smiling now, but watching her, standing in front of him.

“What?”

“Nothing, you’re just… very beautiful.”

Y/N flushed a bright red.

“Well that’s a bit better,” She ducked her head, but Sirius lifted up again with his hand and leaned in to kiss her once more.

“So, dinner?” He said softer now, his forehead leaning against hers.

“Dinner.”

Taglist: @averytruerayofsunshine @siriuslyjanhvi @blushingskywalker @blackpinkdolan @thebabblingbookworm @cherrie511 @imlukesnirvana @avengersassemblee @maraudersandco @sly-vixen-up2nogood @katbernoulli @sirius-lysad @evyiione @minerva26love @aikeia @gollyderek @greatwombatblaze @songforhema @your-typical-giggle @myownviperroom

Advent taglist: @maraudersandco @gollyderek

#rainandhotchocolate #sirius x reader #sirius fanfiction #sirius black x reader #sirius imagine #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfiction #marauders #james potter #marauders imagine #marauders x reader

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

#lovely anon #<333 #okay its so late now i dont wanna post it now in case i‘m too tired to notice losds of mistakes #but i also wanna post it now so.#*loads #i‘m posting it #and i absolutely do not mind if you answer like this!!!! but if you ever do feel like it‘s too much or you uust want to respond to one thing #in particular sooner then pls go ahead! <3

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

#survey #surveys #questions

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soulmeetsbodyy · 4 years ago

Text

Stuck in the shit

I went for a walk today... its been a hot minute since ive done that. Daisy and I went tromping out into the meadow. She of course heard the train and immediately ran back to the car. I said fuck it and kept walking. I needed some time with myself. I had my RAD radio app going but as I started to gaze (yes gaze) at the clouds reflection in a stream I wanted to take a moment. That moment lasted the entire walk back while I talked my way through my feelings and thoughts.

Its been a really fucking rough few years. A couple years? A few years? I’m honestly not totally sure. But lately things have been harder…. Hence talking to myself out in the middle of a meadow. As I trotted along out there totally digging the things that I was saying to myself I stepped through some snow/ice and my right boot went deep into some cow shit and mud.

And got stuck.

My boot got stuck in shit.

It took me about 30 seconds to realize that just tugging and pulling wasn’t going to get it out. So here I was pondering my decisions, trying to decide what might be the next appropriate move. I chose to pull my foot out of my boot, carefully balance on ice on the other foot and tug on my stuck boot with my hands until it finally broke loose. It was hilarious! And what a freaking profound moment. So appropriate.

Sometimes we get stuck in the shit. Sometimes it takes us a while to get unstuck from the shit… sometimes it takes a HELL of a long time (like in my instance… years). But if you slow down, consider your options, try one tactic and fail then try another… eventually you’ll get there. Eventually you’ll get unstuck.

Oh but don’t worry… you’ll get stuck again.. But maybe that time around you’ll have the tools and the mindset to make the unsticking process a little more seamless.

That has been my life for the last few years. Lessons after lessons after lessons. Mistakes after mistakes after mistakes. Don’t get me wrong.. I like learning and growing and getting better but JESUS CHRIST.. do we ever get a break. Like a long break? I’m not sure that we do. I think life is full of up’s and down’s and at least for me even the up’s feel complicated. What I would like to learn is how to be ok with things being complicated and be ok with life being messy. Nothing is ever perfect. I’m certainly far from it which makes being a perfectionist a bit of an issue.

Writing all of this is a bit odd. I blogged for years when I was in my mid 20’s but it was all superficial and I never wrote about anything real. I want to write about the shitty shit. I wan’t to relate to other human beings. I want to help others through the messiness. Were all not so different. Were all sad, happy, emotional, trainwrecks. Most of us try pretty damn hard to live the life we think we are supposed to live. I did that for a long time. I’m still doing it! Because I don’t know any other way.

All I know is that I hope putting things down on paper (or rather typing on a cheap computer I just bought myself) will help me understand me better. Will help me love myself more and better and will bring some sort of light to someone else.

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askjoshuafreeman · 4 years ago

Text

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

#jfreeman #coding b #allen.host #act 3: l'appel du vide #ampd.host #ask #anon

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sincerelymarinette · 5 years ago

Text

A Recorded Life (38/50) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words: 1110 Chapter Summary: With only a little time left before the gala, Marinette does a live stream to work on her design. Alya and Adrien accompany, and the fans find a specific gossip article that outs the heroes. Author's Note: I hope everyone is staying safe out there! Sorry for no update last week, it was a crazy and stressful week and I needed the weekend for a break. But we're back! I'm really excited for the upcoming chapters and I still love writing the fan comments so much.

Prev / Next / Masterlist

Live Gossip

---

Marinette had a camera set up facing her mannequin, which was in front of her chaise lounge. On the chaise lounge were Alya and Adrien, so Marinette had backup while she worked on her dress for the gala. She needed backup, mainly for the reason that it was the first time she had ever live-streamed creating a design.

Sure, she had posted so many design videos and tutorials she couldn't even keep track of it anymore. But she had never been live while working on anything, only the occasional one with Alya for a question and answer game.

Adrien and Alya were eating the snacks as Alya watched the comments on Marinette's YouTube live-stream. She was reading off comments, compliments, and most questions that came up to keep the commentary entertaining. Of course, the banter between the three of them was just as entertaining as well.

"This person asked what you're making this dress for," Alya asked. "I think you explained it at the beginning, but a lot more people have joined now."

"Oh!" Marinette said and turned to the camera. "Well, Adrien invited me to go to the Agreste Gala in about two weeks because he knows how much I love fashion. So, I have to make my own gown." She explained. "It's going to be a really fun event, and I'm excited."

Alya groaned. "I can't believe I couldn't get a press pass. It's unfair!"

"Yeah, but trust me, it wouldn't have been your scene," Adrien shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?" Alya asked. "Any place I can get a good story is my scene. Besides, you do know who helps Marinette with her fashion channel, right?" Alya smirked.

Adrien awkwardly chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. "Ah, I guess you have a point there. Can...we go back to questions?"

"Sure, this one is for you!" Alya said. "Have you been modeling less lately?"

Adrien shrugged. "Well, I guess I should probably address it. I guess I've kind of taken a break. You know, I don't want to endanger anyone by being out and doing photoshoots. I still do some, sometimes, but I haven't been living at home recently, so planning them is kind of hard. I'm still doing fencing, though!" Adrien explained. "Hey, Mari, want me to model your dress?"

Marinette giggled. "I think I can handle this one."

"Next question is asking if you guys have planned anything for Adrien vs. Jobs?" Alya asked. "For the record, I better be invited to some of those. They'll be fun."

"Oh yeah!" Adrien started. "We're going to be doing the first one soon. I don't know if we should spoil anything, but I'm really excited," Adrien said.

Marinette stepped back to look at her work in progress. "Yes, it's going to be so much fun!"

Adrien kept seeing his name appear in the chat, and he read as fast as he could to try to understand why the fans were freaking out.

Adrien you're not living at home?? are you ok?

what happened to adrien?

Adrien where are you staying if you're not staying at home

did gabriel do something because I will fly to paris right now and fight him myself

why aren't you living at home?

omg are you staying with marinette because i SHIP IT

adrien, are you okay? I get not modeling and stuff, but what happened at home?

Adrien pointed at the comments and Alya read along. "Guys, don't worry. I'm okay, and it's just better for Marinette and me to stay together. Plus, getting muffins for breakfast is the best part of it all," Adrien said.

"It's been fun. He's been helping my parents with dinners, and we play a lot of video games," Marinette smiled at the camera and stepped back to admire her piece. "It's getting there. What do you guys think?"

While the comments flooded with praise to Marinette, there were a few critiques and others demanding pictures of her and Adrien at the gala. Her fans loved seeing her work and also listen to her and her friend's bicker, but then all of a sudden, a link was being spammed in the comments.

"Hmm, what's this?" Alya asked and clicked on the link as all three of them gathered around the screen. Marinette gasped loudly when she saw the picture come on the screen with the headline "LADYBUG KISSES CHAT NOIR AFTER AKUMA ATTACK? WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?" from an American gossip blog.

Marinette composed herself and took a deep breath. "You guys know how I feel about talking about my superhero side. Let's just get back to the dress and talking."

Adrien shared a concerned look with Alya as they reset and went back to normal. "Uh, Mari, the chat is kind of going crazy."

Marinette sighed and went over to the computer again to read what everyone was saying. Adrien knew it was best if he stayed quiet, he didn't want to say anything he would regret or make Alya or Marinette mad, or even make the whole situation worse. Being quiet was the best choice.

OMGRNJAWKDNWJ THE K I S S THEY'RE TOGETHER THEY'RE TOGETHER

THE SHIIIIIIIIPPPPPP

OHMYGOSH THEY ARE SO TOGETHER? I MEAN, ADRIEN LIVING WITH MARINETTE, HER PARENTS LOVING HIM, HIM MAKING DINNER, THEM GOING ON DATES AS VIDEOS, ITS BEEN A THING FOREVER!

i love them so much im so happy theyre finally together

omg!!! couples tag!! with alya and nino!!

the picture is SO CUTE! when did you guys start dating??

Marinette stood back in front of the camera. "All right guys, we've got to get going. Thanks so much for tuning into the live stream to see me work on my gala dress! I'll be sure to show you guys the finished product, too. Make sure to check us all out on social media to keep updated, and I'll see you in the next video!" Marinette ended, and Alya shut off the live stream.

Marinette sighed loudly as she sat on the chaise lounge next to Adrien. "Well," Alya said, "At least you guys have talked about it, so it's not as awkward," She tried to help.

"She has a point," Adrien said, "People were bound to find it sooner or later. Might as well address it now," Adrien added.

"I guess so," Marinette shrugged. "So much for keeping it a secret," She giggled and grabbed her phone.

"What are you going to do?" Alya asked.

With a smirk, Marinette scrolled through her tweets until she found the one from a few months back.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng @MarinetteDC I am dating Adrien Agreste. I am dating Chat Noir. I know Chat Noir's identity.

Alya Césaire @alyacesaire @MarinetteDC WE STAN A CONSISTENT QUEEEEEEN

Adrien @AdrienAgreste retweeted @MarinetteDC

And the fans went crazy.

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries

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undergroundkid · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 1: Dazzling welcome

- Y/N, hey! I thought you were free today?

You hanged your coat and ruffled hands through your hair to get rid of remaining snowflakes from the storm outside. Seriously, winter sucks. No snow for Christmas, but of course February is a perfect time for Mother Nature to bury whole humankind in white disaster.

- New chick needed day off, so I offered. Is that a problem? - Not at all! – your manager smiled sweetly in your direction and started to gather papers for your shift.

Of course it wasn’t like somebody cared about your eighth day in the row here. Or ninth.

Your parents thought it was normal for you to spent all your time working, because what else could you do? Job held you in place and organised your time properly, at least. Without it you would loose yourself, or became some kind of antisocial freak. Too easily to drop into a shameless life of God knows what – parties, alcohol and drugs, surely. Like the daughter of the neighbours, did you see her coming back home at 3 AM with another stranger? Our Y/N isn’t like that, she works hard and behave properly.

Of course she behaves, because she has nothing else to do. You work almost everyday, sell smiles to hotel guests and offer all the help you can, even if their wishes are absurd sometimes.

Being raised the way you are, you work hard, often making sacrifices of barely existing free time. Your hobbies also started to disappear, since every time you get some moment for yourself, all you could think about was jumping into bed and how to minimaze chances of getting out of comfy sheets. Work, sleep, occasional Netflix – pretty much sums up your life.

No wonder your boyfriend dumped you for some random chick.

- Okay Y/N, all the documents must be ready for morning – thankfully or not, your manager didn’t hear your inner discussion:- Good night!

When he told you he wanted to break up, you were a little surprised and confused – what, why he all of a sudden ..? – but above all, you were unaffected. Few seconds of shock passed and.. your heart still beat all the same. Today, you started to understand his decision – your life was a constant work or dozing off after ten minutes of a tv show. Hella boring for people your age – especially when you compare your life to his present one. His instagram feed was rich with parties and various, attractive girls.

Well, maybe your heart wasn’t all „whatever”. It still stinged a little. Why he didn’t tell you that wasn’t what he wanted? Wait, he was the one who insisted you got a job - so you got one. A tough one, but you managed and you’re known for high job ethic here.

Why do I keep making it sound like it’s the job of my dream? It’s only freaking hotel reception. I’m not even getting paid enough for dealing with such a mess. I’m just stuck here because I’m good enough for management and I probably won’t get any better work than this.

- Good evening, madam.

You moved the documents away along with your moody musings and shifted to smile in the direction of a voice.

Usual greetings died on your tongue though.

You’re used to seeing random guests here, some more modest, some less. Ladies in extra jewelery, quiet men with perfectly tailored suits, fashionable couples clinging to each other – seriously, you saw it all.

But the man standing before you was extraordinary; tall, in slim, striped suit. He was very elegant, even if he was fairly young – maybe your age. He had long, beautiful face and his smile was probably breathtaking because of his plump lips. Sadly, he didn’t smile; big, dark eyes didn’t spoil any secrets.

Maybe he was a model? But hey, you’re sure you would remember him..

- Do you have free rooms? – he asked, not affected by your staring. Probably used to it everyday.

- Ah, y-yes, of course – you stuttered, still a little dizzy from his beauty:- Do you wish to make a reservation, sir?

- Very much so – he sighed, leaning on his elbows; it was when you saw he was holding an umbrella. Dry one. How is that possible in snowstorm outside?

- Alright, just for one or double? – you easily slipped into your work mode, trying to composure yourself.

He shook his head.

- Not exactly. You have apartments here?

- Yes, of course. On the top floor.

- How many?

- Seven doubles, we can move in extra beds if there’s a need.

- No, it’s perfect – he decided without hesitation:- I take all of them. Please arrange it for single guests.

- Oh, all right – you tapped a few commands into computer:- Until when do you wish to make this reservation?

He sighed again, looking at the ceiling in contemplation. His swan like neck made him look even more aristocratic.

- Make it a month for now.

You quickly wrote the date in system; damn. Your manager will go crazy. That amount of money will easily fulfill this month’s budget.

- Alright, we will need advance payment for this one – you informed the mysterious man:- Also the personal data of other guests. And your ID, of course.

- Yes, here it is – he took white envelope out of his jacket and slide it onto the reception’s countertop:- Here’s all the payment. As for the other guests..

You carefully took the envelope, which was heavier than you first thought. Quick look inside suggested it was even more than necessary for his request. You started to question the situation – is he from mafia? Who carry around that amount of cash? Maybe you should check if it’s not counterfeit. What if you just booked whole floor for some damn cartel?

- I’m not quite sure who will arrive or even when, but let them check in by my name – he handed you black card with golden writing. No address, no phone number, just name and minimal drawing of a clock.

- Well, look like it’s time for me to leave – enigmatic gentleman looked at his wristwatch. You barely caught different clock faces on its surface before he straightened his tie and turned around to the exit.

- B-but sir! We need your docu..

- Goodnight, miss Y/L/N – young man gave you last look, already holding the door knob and bowed his head slightly in your direction:- We will meet soon, hopefully.

He didn’t wait for you explanation about how it’s not the way you book rooms here; he disappeared behind the doors. What were you supposed to do? His actions were rather shady. All your thoughts were rational and you can’t deny, whole situation spread suspicious vibes.

But were you intrigued ..?

- Who was it? New guest? – suddenly there was Yoonho next to your desk, dressed in his neatly cleaned uniform:- He looked very young.. Y/N?

You looked at the card in your hand; Chae Hyungwon.

.. Damn right you were.

thank you for reading

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#My writing #shangri-la fc #monsta x fanfic #monsta x reader #monsta x imagines #kpop fanfic

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xxgoblin-dumplingxx · 5 years ago

Text

Theoretical Knowledge

“Remember kids,” you say sitting on the desk, feet folded as you cradle a cup of coffee, “A theory is JUST a framework for understanding. So. As we discuss Marxist, Feminist, and Queer Theories, no. I am not telling you that you HAVE to use only those theories and you HAVE to see the world that way. So please. Please keep the tweetstorms to a minimum in class. Just remember. If you don’t understand the theories, you can’t argue against them effectively.”

You smile and set your coffee cup down. “That said, Tuesday, we’ll be starting with Feminist Theory. Please read the chapter before class and come prepared to engage in our preliminary discussion.”

College kids, mostly freshmen start to trickle out, gathering their things and clustering up a few at a time. You alternately loved and hated teaching lower-level courses. The amount of handholding that they needed to be housebroken for their upper-level courses got a little more astounding every semester but... Still. There was something lovely about helping them build a solid foundation for the rest of their careers.

You pause to answer a few questions. Careful to help them find the correct information. People for the next class were queuing up just beyond your periphery and you direct the stragglers to you office hours. You can feel the grumpy glare of Barnes, the mathematics professor and you cringe internally. You were willing to bet that you were going to have a shitty email waiting on you this evening. Some tripe about respecting other people’s time. Like it was your fault they’d shoehorned your 100 level classes into the Mathematics building. It was all the way across campus and there wasn’t decent coffee to be found anywhere on any floor. It was a miserable utilitarian clusterfuck of a building. Still. On some level it was super fun to get under his skin. The grump ass.

But, you were a good girl. You ignored his impatient harrumphs and tried not to glare at him when he slammed his stuff down and startled you. You erased the board carefully and quietly gathered your things as he sent an attendance sheet around the room, starting his droning on about Proofs or whatever the fuck. You even smiled, just a little when you caught his eye.

Numbers left you cold.

They reminded you of sitting on the floor in the hallway. Flecks of mica winking mockingly at you as you try to finish the times table drill through the tremors in your hands and the tears that are threatening to spill.

They reminded you of desperation. Frantically searching couch cushions for change. Just 80 cents so that you could at least get some fries at lunch. You’’re sick. Too sick to go to school but you can’t miss Algebra and there’s no food in the house.

Numbers are an immutable fact. You can’t change them. No amount of new information will change that 2+2 is 4. Or change the fact that when you run the numbers, you come up wanting. So you try, very hard not to think about how irritating Barnes is. How you hate the aloofness in his face and how badly you’d like to see him smile to see if it made his eyes look less... Less frozen.

As you strode across campus, anxious to get out of the cutting wind and stinging snow, back to your warm office and good coffee. Back on what felt like Terra Firma where you could discuss Russian Literature, and Freud’s Bullshit, and witchcraft, and stupid tv. Things you understood. Things you’d studied just for the sake of knowing. Things that had lead you here. You pushed the thoughts of Professor James Barnes out of your mind. He was as he was, and with any luck, it would only be for a semester that your existence would cause him any more irritation. Still. As you unlocked your door and settled behind your desk... There had to be something to be done about him. Something to chill him out just a little bit. You were just considering texting your usual gang of miscreants and rogue academics. You weren’t sure if it was for a war council or just for a drink. But you were saved having to figure it out when a familiar red head hurled herself dramatically across your desk.

“Please. I’m dying. Tinder sucks. Can we please. Please. Pretty fucking please go out. I miss out,” she says.

“Tasha,” you laugh, petting her hair absently, not looking up from your email, but pausing long enough to pat her hair, “You’re the one that said we couldn’t go out anymore.”

“And I was wrong. So. Very Wrong.”

“Well I’m not opposed but you know that if we don’t invite the boys they’ll be sad.”

“Tap room?”

“Sounds great,” you say absently, glaring at the missive that had just popped up.

Natasha arranged herself in a more dignified position in you guest chair and helped herself to a coffee and a snack, “Your face is making a face,” she frowns.

“It’s just my best Buddy over in the Mathematics department,” you sigh rolling your eyes.

“Barnes right?” she says taking a sip of coffee.

You nod and turn the screen so she can read it.

You watch her eyes scan the monitor and watch the frown lines materialize, “What the fuck. Like dude. It’s just flavored coffee.”

“Right?”

“Control freak.”

“For fucking real. Like. Ew.”

You roll your eyes and she picks up her phone, “Maybe one of the Boys will know something.”

“Maybe,” you shrug, refusing to respond with apologies.

________

“Bucky!” Steve said leaning on the door frame, “Come on. We’re going out.”

“No thank you,” Bucky said snorting, “I really don’t want to have to carry your drunk ass home. Or listen to you spout Poli-sci bullshit to try and get girls.”

“Well the girls we’re going with are gonna be completely unavailable and uninterested. We’re gonna hit the tap room and watch the game.” Steve frowned at his friend who kept glancing at his laptop like he was waiting on something.

“What did you do, Bucky?” he asked folding his arms.

“Nothing,” he huffed.

“Well if you scowl at your computer any harder it’s gonna burst into flames.”

“I’m just waiting on an email,” he said feeling uncomfortable under Steve’s scrutiny. Squirming slightly in his chair.

“Who are you picking a fight with now?” Steve scolded.

“I’m not.”

“James.”

“I don’t know what she teaches. Some social science thing. But she leaves the lecture hall a mess and reeking of flavored coffee.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” he snapped.

“Missing Yelena and taking it out on some random girl that’s just slightly messy.”

“I’m not.” he said petulantly, “It’s unprofessional to take up my time.”

Steve restrained an eyeroll with effort, “C’mon, ya grumpy fuck. You like Nat fine. And Sam is coming. You can’t just rot in your house and forget how to live forever.”

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Steve said dismissively, “Pick you up at 7.” And he was gone before Bucky had a chance to formulate a reply.

The truth was complicated. Bucky knew exactly what you taught. The Anthropology of Religion. Folklore. Witchcraft. He’d read everything you had ever written. He followed your Twitter. He just. He didn’t understand you. You had a mind suited for numbers. Logical. Straight forward. Applying science and advocating for greater understanding with reckless abandon.

But all you studied was... Stories. None of it was real. it was smoke and shadows. Illusions. He could only assume you were the same way. An illusion. You were pretty enough. Funny. But there had to be something... broken inside you. Something that you were hiding. Something to be wary of. He just didn’t know how to explain that to Steve.

Numbers he understood. They were what they were regardless. If there was a mistake, he made it. There was no one else to blame with numbers. They sang to him like nothing else did. They spoke to him and whispered secrets.

They made him think of being warm in bed with a book of number puzzles and a cup of hot chocolate on a snow day. The joy of solving a problem he’d been teasing at for days. It was happiness in its purest form. Accomplishment. Order from chaos.

You were chaos to which he saw no order. He couldn’t find a pattern to you. A nimbus of coffee and lost trains of thought. Bucky did not understand you and as he stared at his laptop, waiting for a reply, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

He decidedly didn’t want to. And he couldn’t wait for the semester to be over.

Tags: @lancsnerd @blameitonthecauseway @thorfanficwriter @stevieang @etherealwaifgoddess

#Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #natasha romanoff #Platonic nat x reader #asshole!Bucky #Yelena #bucky x reader #fussy academics

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