#congrats. that's how we live our whole fucking lives because of you. im always thinking about what he's gonna get pissed off at next

[natjennie]

does anyone out here have a dad that isnt an asshole all the fucking time. like is it even possible.

[serendipitous-mage]

actually no you know what i am major league pissed at about 10 other irl things rn so you have Unlocked something congrats anon.

firstly: fuck you. you have zero right to try and tell me i am 'quite wrong' in knowing i would not be a suitable parent. you "know" that i supposedly am .... how? have you installed cameras inside everywhere i've ever been and listened in on private conversations and know the inner workings of my mind and disabilities even better than i do? because oh boy howdy—

i'm poor as shit, second of all. always have been probably always will be. we somehow never quite hit homelessness, but i had sleep for dinner many of my elementary/early school days, i was always the kid who thought disneyland was as much a fantasy as the worlds in the movies it was so out of our league, any field trips that werent cost covered were Extremely unlikely to happen, and i was always on either the free or reduced lunch programs when they were available. a few years, the collections that they do at schools for canned foods and things to donate, we were given one of those boxes. i would not ever want to bring a child into the world knowing they would grow up the same way (or worse, more than likely, considering the minimum wage-inflation bullshit and my jobs).

C: even if i had plenty of money to be certain i could support a child via having a living space large enough, heat and hot water and electricity, consistently having plenty of food and basic care products, transportation, and—because fuck you 'surviving' is not the bare minimum existence should be—toys and treats and clothes and trips and fun things ... i can't even take care of myself well rn. i've been in a rollercoaster spiral of ptsd and anxiety/depression among who knows what else for over a decade now, and due to a myriad of personal reasons, thats not changing any time soon. i am perpetually exhaused and cannot get enough sleep as it is, and having helped raise infants before im well aware of just how much less i would be getting with one around. i am not in a mental or emotional space to raise a child, and more people need to think about that before diving in just because It's Expected and they want a little human who is bound to them for 18 years and cant up and leave when they pull bullshit that would end any other relationship.

fourth: i have the unfortunate privilege of living in the united states. you probably arent aware, anon, but we have ... an INSANE gun problem. i would be TERRIFIED to have a child and then send them off to school knowing there is a decent chance their building will get shot up by a little white boy who has a military grade weapon because the people in power here value dead/fictional people more than the living breathing ones in front of them. i have lost too many people i care about to go asking for another like that.

#5: pregnancy is traumatizing. assume firstly that i a) am not asexual, b) have someone that would be a possibility to do that with, c) have someone i Trust and would Want to raise a child with—because i would not ever want one with someone i wasnt 100% sure would help provide a safe, secure, and loving environment for them to grow up in, which again is something more people need to think about before getting frisky—and d) am physically capable of carrying to term ... ow. no thanks. nor do i want to risk getting whatever health issues the other party has. i also have personal trauma that going through the whole parenting thing would be wildly triggering on a number of reasons so, no fuckin thanks.

also brotato chip. famalicious. cuddling anyone you care about can release oxytocin.

also??? don't try to suggest our parental relationships are fucked just because of skin contact. they're fucked because:

rampant lack of sex education and disdain/shaming of sex work and sexual tendencies in individuals despite it being one of THE defining nonsenses behind gender norms/societal roles makes it harder or impossible for young people to know their limits, know their boundaries, feel like they CAN say no,

extreme misogyny/racism/homophobia/etc bigotry forcing people to not be able to consider being with individuals who would make them happy and instead having to conform to the "normal" nuclear family, and causing immense fear and extra stress/medical bills/early deaths in families that do

pressure from everything from billboards and tv shows to the toys we grew up with as kids and every adult we ever met is grooming and leading us to think that it Has to be this way. living life is: school, college or entry jobs, work, kids, family, and retirement. we are human beings, there is no cookie cutter way of living that can tell us the steps of our lives and there never should be. none of those steps are actual requirements, any or all of them can be important to certain people, or be the farthest from desired to others

consistent country or worldwide Events are keeping everyone in survival mode and scared and it does not help tempers or decision making

the state of wages and living costs are obscene right now, making it harder to live which makes it harder to live happily

it is still a debate whether or not climate change is real

it is still a debate whether drumpf is a horrible human being

it is still a debate if poc, and queers, and jews, and muslims, are people exactly the same as we are or if they are evil and lesser

it is still a debate whether wearing slutty clothes means you deserved it

it is still a debate whether abuse from a spouse is acceptable if you were 'crazy' enough or the abusing party is popular enough

it is still a debate if i should be legally allowed to abort a fetus that is already dead

it is still a debate if i would deserve food stamps or monetary help to raise a child if i was unemployed or injured

it is still a debate if my body is my own property

i could go on, anon. i could do this all day. because unfortunately with the way the world and this country in particular are, there is no shortage of reasons to not want to raise a child, even in general terms. (all the power to people who want and have them, i hope you have better luck than i would ever expect for mine, but any one of these reasons would be enough for me to be able to tell that: no, i would not be a suitable parent)

maybe get off your high horse about it and check your opinions against what's actually happening to the human beings around you

Do you know that new mothers secrete oxytocin when they are cuddling their newborn skin-to-skin? And even more so when they breastfeed? That creates the nurturing bond. We are mammals, after all. So saying that you know you would not be a suitable parent is quite wrong, since you have no idea how your body would adapt to such a primal bond. Most people do not put their newborns directly to their skin and 90% of mothers in western societies do not breastfeed their babies, therefore never establishing that bond in the first place. No wonder we as a society are so disconnected from our kids / parents.

you could buy me dinner first

[firstkokon0is]

wedding booth

chifuyu x reader

summary: where toman enjoys the day of school fair and yet they still wont make this a normal day for everyone— someone’s gotta experience the school fair at its finest

cw: none? maybe i should include the grammatical error.

school fair is finally happenin, everyone is been waiting for this day and have their freedom

there’s booths everywhere, food stalls, confettis on the floor and cue the dumb people who just dump their trash everywhere but the trashcan— and especially the students in all levels enjoying their life

and just because no one will literally care and its freedom day anyways mikey brought his toman in the school fair, the captains and vice captains and hina and yuzuha . you know, to add more fun.

most of the booths are located into the senior’s building— you guys grouped into 4, you got chifuyu, baji and emma on your team and after the groupings you guys separated ways, the others are not really into the booths special mention to sanzu and mucho— and some are heading to the food stalls.

chifuyu want to eat first but baji is already dragging the 3 of you to the booths and even decided for the team to take the horror booth first.

and lets just say the two boys are more vocal than you and emma, baji even slapped the masked guy who is just doing his job to scare people— chifuyu and emma holding fistful of your shirt almost ripping it off because of how tight they’re holding— good thing baji randomly flew to the air for unknown reason that knocked chifuyu into the corner— its kinda dark and hard to see so you didnt know where chifuyu flew after baji‘s impact

“what the fuck was that— who’s fhat??? who flew?” chifuyu exclaimed ”sorry man i didnt know that happened” baji apologize and with that the time is up, the door finally opened— finally a light to see, you guys got out of there and for a good 3 minutes its the whole topic, while heading into the food stalls to get something to bite

but that didn’t actually happened, because yuzuha and hakkai came to get ”you” and “chifuyu“ for something they said— “what kind of show is this again huh? hakkai- oh my god” chifuyu rolled his eyes when he met mitsuya’s gaze— knowing what’s about to go down, “sorry man, i was just ordered around to get both of you”

“huh?? for what?” your voice pitched up as you asked, “you guys are getting married” mitsuya answered “—baji and mikey listed down your names in the wedding booth so you guys are getting married today” he added

you and chifuyu looked back at baji—while you guys are still seized by yuzuha and hakkai— that idiot baji just smiled “oh cmon dont act like you guys dont want this, chifuyu have been struggling to ask you out so why dont we advance to the wedding already im sure you guys will make it official anyways” baji said followed by a smile— more like showing his annoying smile.

you and chifuyu shared looks and giggled just like how it is between you, you guys aren’t a couple yet, but its more than friends.

yuzuha and hakkai lead you guys to the open park where there’s really like a wedding ceremony, there’s a red carpet on the floor and white chairs and a??? fake pastor lmao its mitsuya.

of course toman is there to cheer on and some other people too who cared enough to actually watch the “wedding”

“love birds please step on the front” mitsuya said with his stupid mic, giving you guys spare rings to put on each other— he also gave you guys mics so your vows can be heard by many, chifuyu couldn’t even look at you straight he is burning, he’s all red hiding his face with his hand.

mitsuya is picking vows card on his hands, making sure to give you guys the best scrip— he handed one to you and chifuyu— he threatened to punch chifuyu if he didnt take this seriously and who said he’s not taking this seriously??

he got his vow on his hand as he started , “y/n, i love you and thank the lord for bringing you into my life, as we enter the matrimony i promise to always love you in sickness as in health, in poverty and wealth, iin sorrow and in joy and to be faithful to you, my y/n…..as long as we both shall live” he looks at you sincerely into your eyes right after the few last words— as he took your hand and placed the ring on your forth finger.

now you’re getting all emotional , its not even a real wedding but they way he looks at you and the way his words are perfectly said— but now its you turn, its your turn to let him know

”Chifuyu Matsuno, you’re the guy that i loved, you were my best friend first until you made me realize that you’re the one……” you let your words came out of your mouth, that wasn’t even in the script you just said it

“that….my commitment to you is one if give willingly, absolutely and without hesitation— im yours utterly and have been since the moment we met” you read the card out loud still looking at chifuyu every second— but you felt like you dont need the card anymore so you put it down to the near table and took his hand

positioning the ring on his forth finger but before that

”we were married before this day and will always be, chifuyu” looking deep at his ocean eyes, you feel like drowning in it if it wasn’t on the tears falling out of it, you pushed the ring in his finger and it makes you happy how the ring perfectly fit on his finger

“KISS THE BRIDE” baji shouted from the audience

“WHAT” you and chifuyu said in unison “we still need to do that??” chifuyu again hides his face

”its doesn’t have to be on the lips” mitsuya said which actually make sense

chifuyu just giggled and i guess he gotta do it “c’mere my wife” he softly pulled you closer and kissed you on the cheek— dangerously close to the lips

and that’s it, toman went wild and so the people around you “CONGRATS” smiley snaked his arms around chifuyu and teaed him non stop as the other toman went up to the front to say their congratulation.

hina and emma started bawling their eyes and saying how real it was.

”hey y/n…….chifuyu” mikey called, you all twisted your head to look at mikey “you guys promise me to make this happen in the future— where its going to be real okay??” mikey just had the softest smile on his face that made everyone almost shed a tear

after the very sweet friendship moment, our forgotten baji from the audience have a spare video of y’all sharing vows and probably shared it on his snapchat.

and with that, the school fair ended, one of the happiest day in your life— at first you didnt think stuff like this can happen, you thought you’re just gnna have a normal fun and nothing more— but what do you expect being in toman? you’ll be the happiest.

and i hope one day, mikey’s wishes for both of you will be granted…..him and baji was the reason of this beautiful mess anyway

[hitozy]

have you ever ‹ masterlist › denouement

tw! manipulation, mentioned underage sex, dubious consent, cheating. i also want to point out that reader is around 2-3 years younger than Iwaizumi, while Jae and Iwa are the same age. ps. this is a long chp :)

𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞

Iwaizumi has no idea of what has possessed him tonight. He doesn't know why he's walking around the city in the middle of the night a day before he should be on his way home.

He doesn't know why after the celebration he didn't follow his teammates. He doesn't know why he has barely answered your texts since after the game.

He also doesn't know why he agreed to go and see Jae, to hear her out.

He's been doing fine so far, seven months Jae clean and while the first three were bumpy; your company had made it easier to deal with. Your cheerfulness, your happiness, the adventures you've both have been planning have taken his mind off the broken heart he was nursing.

She continued to contact him, even when he begged her not to and blocking her phone was no use, she just got a new one and tried again and again. His resolve was diluted and he knew it would be a matter of time before he fell into his old habits.

lil jae: congrats on the win haji! let me invite you to a drink, im in town.

-

Iwaizumi recalls an old memory from back in high school, a few weeks before moving to California, you were sitting on his bed helping him organize his suitcase with 'essentials'. His clothes all over the place but as always, you showed enthusiasm at helping him out.

He remembers you giggling and calling him a dork while folding his Godzilla themed underwear and placing it inside his suitcase. He remembers the way you hummed some songs that you had just placed on your shared playlist because 'it's kinda your style' and it kinda is. He even remembers what you were wearing, a pair of black running shorts and a blue tank top. When you reached over the edge of his bed for his fallen socks, your cleavage was visible to his eyes, 'If a man ever peers down his shirt', he thought, 'I'll kill him without hesitating.'

But what he remembers the most is you pulling out an old shoe box from under said bed, a shoe box that held his most treasured things. Pictures from his childhood that matched the ones on your bedroom wall, doddles from your hand, your favorite flowers pressed inside a copy of your favorite book, short stories and poems, snippets of stories never finished from you. He'll never forget your teary eyes and happy smile when he took the box from you, emptying the contents carefully inside his backpack. The hug you gave him afterward still sets his heart on fire, nothing has ever been more lovely than you and your happy smile.

He also remembers Jae coming into his room right during your hug, wearing an empty smile on her face, her eyes red and raging. He's only ever seen her this mad whenever he's with you and he still doesn't get it.

She stay's to "help" when in reality all she does is glare at yn the whole time. It helps that you don't even mind the glares or the bad mood, joking that 'Jae's grumpy because we couldn't go to the movies today'.

It was late afternoon when you left, Iwaizumi had given you a bag filled with some of his stuff - things he knew you loved and adored, things he couldn't take. He watched you get inside your parents car and wave him goodbye, even though you both knew he'd be coming through your window in a few hours for movie night.

He remembers when he came back inside to find Jae naked on his bed. How angry she was and how she took it out on sex, the tension so palpable he could taste it. Once it was over, she walked towards his backpack and pulled out all of YN's things and that's when it clicked. She was mad because he was taking stuff about YN and not her, she made it clear when Jae told him, 'What the fuck is this.'

-

He remembers that hours later, he finds himself in your room squeaky clean and wearing nothing but his sweatpants and socks, his back against your front with his head against your breasts. He hadn't told you that Jae broke up with him, but he knew you had figured out he was sad because your arms cradled him since he got situated there and had not moved since.

How Jae said she wouldn't move with him in the end. How she had decided to stay in Japan and have him go to California all alone in the end, just because she wanted him to. How he begged her to come, to stay with him, to not leave him and how he watched her get dressed to go home. How she winked at him as she left with a, "Call me once you're in Cali."

How she only wants to go out when she knows he has plans with you. How she only cares about him when you're around or how messed up and used he feels ever since she took his virginity during your 14th birthday party.

He feels disgusting sometimes after sex with Jae, disgusted with himself on how wrong it is but how much he loves her still.

He didn't have to say any of that to you, the kiss on the forehead you just gave him eased it all away anyway.

-

He remembers all of this while he's kissing Jae in her hotel room, her dress and underwear discarded somewhere in the room, his cock buried deep inside of her like a starved man, Her nails racking down his chest from his unbuttoned shirt as she moaned at the feeling.

When Jae separates herself from him with half lidded eyes, she smirks, "I bet my little cousin can't even kiss right, the little virgin." She kisses the column of his neck, grazing her teeth against the skin, getting ready to mark him as hers and even though he doesn't agree with her, he stays quiet.

A memory burst through his mind as he pounds into Jae. The way your sighed his name when he settled himself inside of you, the way your nails scratched his back when he hit your G-spot, the way you moaned when his thumb circled your clit; your gummy, tight walls griped him as you came, with his name on your lips. Your soft, pillow lips that have only been his, only kissed him.

"Be safe out there, Hajime! I'll be waiting for you!" She smiled as she kissed him goodbye by the front door.

He turned to deepen the kiss, pulling her closer to him like a starved man, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna runaway, mochi."

As he walked down the steps of his house, he heard her say "I miss you already."

It's then that Iwaizumi snaps out of it.

He pushes her off of him and steps back until his back is against the wall, feeling disgusted with himself in a way he hasn't since they broke up.

"I can't do this, I won't do this, I-" he pushes himself off the wall, tucking himself in and picking up his stuff, "Never again, Jae."

Jae watches him leave, a sinister smile spreading across her face. Her gaze steady as his figure disappears into the night, "If you think you can just up and go, Haji, you are very mistaken."

She walks to where she hid her phone and chuckles as she presses send, "Lets see what my little cousin has to say, hmm?"

-

Iwaizumi was worried, it wasn't normal for you to not answer his calls or texts. He was on the road back home with the team, their ruckus would usually give him a headache, but right now? Right now he can't focus on anything except the little 'unread' mark at the bottom of his last text to you.

my one: mochi? r u ok? im on my way back home

-

He didn't expect to come back home and find you in the living room in silence. Your eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying, you didn't have to say anything for him to know what had happened.

Jae told you.

He wish he could be surprised, but Jae had been nothing but a devil all this time and he can't believe he never saw it until now. Until he married you, an angel.

"Mochi, I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, please talk to me." He knelt at your feet, his hands on your knees trying to get you to look at him. His guilt crashing down brick by brick, he should have never gone out to see her.

"I know this means nothing to you, mochi. But I'll never see her again, only when its a family reunion or you're with me."

Silence.

"There is no excuse, but yn, please, look at me, let me explain."

She pushes him off a bit, without much force as if her sadness took away all her strength and his heart clenched. How could he do this to his best friend? Lie and lie, again and again and again.

YN-”

“No, STOP! You- you got your say, now it’s my turn.” She's shaking and her breaths are short. She's starting to have a panic attack.

I get up and advance towards her slowly, “YN you need to calm down. Here,” I place my hand on her back, “let me-”

She pushes me off, her back towards me, “Please, don’t touch me. Please, please, please.” She's sobbing and its hurts so so much.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

“Remember your breathing exercises, mochi. In and out. In…”

Eventually her breathing normalizes but she still won't look at me and it takes all of my strength to not touch her.

“All I ever wanted was for you to love me, Hajime.”

Whoever said words can never hurt someone, has never been in my place. She just stabbed me without a knife and its more painful than I ever imagined.

“I wanted you to love me, to see me as your wife, as a woman but you didn’t. You don’t and I- it hurts so much.”

“But, mochi, you said you would marry me so we didn’t end up with strangers.”

“I know.”

“Then why-”

“I lied. I’ve loved you since the moment you came into my life. I’ve loved you for years, even before Jae came into the picture. I’ve loved you so so so much, I love you so much.”

“… you know about Jae? Since when?!” I made the mistake of reaching out for her, she pushed me back and said nothing. The dread of her knowing, of her finding out before today makes me sick.

“If you knew then why did you marry me!? Did you think I would change? That my feelings would change? You know I’m not like that.”

“I do know. I- thought that maybe-, but then it was clear that nothing would change but, I made a promise to you and I said it in our vows.”

“YN-”

“I know the mistake is mine. I know what all the blame is mine to take, I know it and I accept it. I’m sorry, Hajime, that’s me that you have to stay with.”

She finally turns to look at me, but I wish she hadn't. The tears are flowing steadily down her cheeks to her neck. I did this to her, I hurt her again and again, without thinking. No, without watching. Because if I had paid attention to her like Jae did, I might have seen it sooner.

“We could get a divorce, you know. That way you can stop getting hurt. Stop your heart from breaking. You don’t deserve this.”

“It’s okay. I- I give you permission to do it, to break my heart forever.”

“…What?”

She takes my hand, and in-between the tears she smiles at me as if her heart wasn't breaking in two. As if I didn't shatter her dreams for a few sloppy seconds, “It’s okay, I know what I signed up for, I knew it from the beginning. I guess I just didn’t want to accept it. So go ahead, break my heart, break it into a million pieces! I give you permission, Iwaizumi Hajime, please just - don’t leave me.”

I can't say anything, what am I supposed to say? My sweet, sweet girl is hurt and damaged and all she wants is for me to stay. I feel disgusted in a way I never did with Jae, because instead of being used, I am using her.

I bring her into my arms, and say the only words that have actual meaning between us, "I love you, mochi."

"I- I'll do better, I promise. Please YN," He gripped her shoulders tightly, "Please forgive me, I'll do whatever just, I'm so sorry, baby."

He can feel the tears spilling onto his shirt, a scorching pain expanding through his chest at the consequences of his actions. He hurt the one person who didn't deserve it, who he promised to keep safe and happy.

"Hajime, please take a bath, I wanna sleep without the smell of Jae."

His heart dropped at her words, he forgot that he had just upped and left from Jae's, only changing his clothes for comfort. His skin still smelled like her. As he separated from her, he kissed her forehead, "Join me?"

-

He laid on the bed with her hours later, her head on his chest where he could see her puffy eyes. She had washed him thoroughly to the point were he thought she had scrubbed him raw, and he couldn't blame her - he wanted to do the same since the beginning.

He pulled her closer, practically on top of him and felt her heartbeat against his own. He had done something terrible and he needed to fix it, fix this. So he needed to take the first step.

to lil jae: for someone who says they love me, u sure like to make me miserable. i don't know why u hate yn so much and tbh i don't care anymore. i don't want to see u or talk to u ever again. if u contact me, i'm gonna get a restraining order, jae. i can't do this anymore.

to lil jae: goodbye jae.

do you wish to block this number?

yes.

Remorse is memory awake, Her companies astir,— A presence of departed acts At window and at door.

Its past set down before the soul,         And lighted with a match, Perusal to facilitate Of its condensed despatch.

Remorse is cureless,—the disease Not even God can heal;         For ’t is His institution,— The complement of hell.

Remorse is memory awake - Emily Dickinson

taglist ! @daphnxy @zukoslosthishonor​ @i-am-a-hoe-for-shinya @mrsdoradominguez-barnes @anejuuuuoy

a/n! *hands you all this and runs* i'll see you soon for chp11~

but in all seriousness, i wrote this chapter with my heart on my sleeve. love is truly the strongest curse and for it to be unrequired? imagine it.

now, i'm off to write the next part! and i am sorry :) ♥

[takoyakitenchou]

masquerade ch.8

7? idk but this one isn’t on ff or ao3 yet i think

12:58 PM Nakiri Erina: Hi, it’s been a while. Are you free the day after tomorrow?

1:03 PM Yukihira Souma: how’d u get this #?

1:04 PM Nakiri Erina: Alice gave it to me. 

1:04 PM Yukihira Souma: sup

1:05 PM Nakiri Erina: I’m opening Kiralyno Haza. It’s not like I want you to show up or anything.

message opened

1:37 PM Nakiri Erina: Hello?

2:40 PM Yukihira Souma: hey sorry i just got on break. congrats nakiri!

2:41 PM Nakiri Erina: It was expected.

2:41 PM Yukihira Souma: surprised it took you so long to open. hurry up and get your 3 stars bubs then we’ll really see who’s the better chef

2:41 PM Yukihira Souma: and did you get tired of shinomiya or did he get tired of you?

2:42 PM Nakiri Erina: I got tired of him. Duh. Are you not coming?

2:42 PM Yukihira Souma: save 4 seats for me. i’ll be a balloon by the time im done w your food also i hope you have enough ingredients for a shokugeki after

“Ugh. You’re as shit at texting as ever,” Erina groaned, throwing down her phone, but then she picked it up again to stare at those four particular characters. Bubs. God, it had been so long since she’d seen that in her messages.

(under the cut to see souma and erina start to get their shit together lol)

To think that she had been the one to break the radio silence between them — good lord, that was fucking annoying. It was weird to think about. There had been plenty of opportunities for them to talk again, and yet they’d somehow managed to evade each other since they’d run into each other at Nakiri Mansion. Whether this was coincidence she had no idea, but Souma hadn’t been at the official Totsuki-sponsored 92nd gen alumni reunion, and Shinomiya had dragged Erina to some culinary conference that made her miss the freshman training camp where Souma threatened the living shits out of the poor first years but ended up not cutting anybody from the roster.

Erina had done her best not to linger on the fact that she had had to ask Alice for Souma’s new number, but goddamn would that remain at the forefront of her mind for the week following Kiralyno Haza’s debut until she got frustrated enough to the point where she damn near chucked her own phone out the window.

It was thanks to Alice that her condo was still in one piece.

The COO of the Nakiri-Totsuki Group was sitting next to her at a bar in Budapest, helping herself to her third shot of tequila, a few empty glasses and a growing tab between them. “Yukihira’s coming?”

Erina nodded, smiling despite herself. “Yeah. I guess he is.”

Taking sudden interest in her drink, Alice remained silent for a thoughtful moment before she said, “I haven’t seen you this happy since you two broke up.”

With a half-hearted huff, Erina scoffed, “Yeah, right.”

Alice gave her a long look. “I’m not kidding, Erina. Who was that other guy you were seeing? Darren?”

“Aaron. Darren was before him.”

“Doesn’t he have a 3000-seater concert hall named after him?”

“I couldn’t care less.” Erina said, and Alice knew it was 593% true. 

Whenever tolerating a guy got tedious, Erina had extinguished whatever spark he thought he had ignited, pretended to be hung up on it, and started over, systematically breaking hearts left and right, all the while building titanium defenses around her own.

And then, a year and half ago, she’d seen Yukihira Souma at Nakiri Mansion, and everything had changed. 

So. Much. Pining. Alice was more than a few years past sick of how long those two idiots were dragging their shit out.

Erina picked up her belongings. “We should probably stop day-drinking.”

“Sure,” Alice said, paying the tab before Erina could get her wallet out.

“I’ll pay you back for that,” Erina promised as they left the bar.

Alice put a hand on Erina’s shoulder. “You can pay me back by not fucking up your confession again.”

At this, Erina frowned. A withering counter should’ve been second nature, but she found herself incapable. She wanted to believe that whatever piece of her heart that had clung to the hope that Yukihira Souma would come back to her was nothing more than a memory. More than anything, she wished the voice at the back of her head telling her to move on and forget him and their past would finally win out, because there were people in her present waiting for her, and it would be a sin to ignore that.

But she couldn’t say the words; her heart belonged to Yukihira Souma — would always belong to him — and all broken promises and relationships notwithstanding, that was something she could not deny.

-

Although Souma technically hadn’t been invited to the kitchen for shift drinks when the front doors closed, he had taken the liberty of bringing a bottle of cab sauv that he and Erina finished in like ten seconds flat, to hell with sharing with staff, family, and friends.

The second she felt the words wanna come over? slip out of her atmosphere-drunk mouth, she knew it was going to take more self-control than she had not to demand he stay with her forever. 

“So, Yukihira,” she said like they hadn’t been catching up for the last two hours when they were sitting on the couch in her living room with pinot noir. “How’ve you been?”

The corners of Souma’s lips twitched. “Not bad,” he replied. “Mostly cooking. A few interviews and shit. I’ve been keeping up with all your stuff, by the way. Three tastings in twelve hours next Monday seems like too much, Nakiri.”

Erina frowned. “Even if you were as talented a stalker as Mimasaka Subaru, how the fuck would you know that?”

He held up his phone. “You were signed into my calendar app when I last downloaded a backup copy four years ago. So every time I get a new phone, I transfer all the old data.”

Erina stared at him, horrified. “Holy shit. You’ve seen everything?”

Shrugging, Souma said, “Not everything. Just… your dates with Darren. And Aaron. Also, I knew about Kiralyno opening before you texted me so I’d already cleared out my schedule by then.”

Erina had stopped listening halfway through. “Wait, Yukihira…”

“It’s okay, Nakiri.” Souma waved it off. “You’re here with me now. All that matters. Let’s not look too far into our past, yeah?”

“Don’t look into my future either, idiot! Sign out of my Google calendar right now!”

Souma shook his head seriously. “Sorry, Nakiri, I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Why the fuck not?”

He gazed at her intently and rested his chin on his fist. “I need to make sure I’ll still be in it.”

Erina rolled her eyes. “Don’t say sappy shit like that. It doesn’t suit you.”

“What if I just stayed?” he asked.

She sighed. “I think the question is, would I even let you? I thought we’re putting the past behind us? Don’t you want this back?” She pointed at the white cloth she was wearing on her wrist. His white cloth.

Souma ignored the second question and pulled Erina to him by her waist, close enough that she could feel his warm breath as he spoke, forehead brushing hers. “Another thing we both know is that you and I could never be just friends.”

“Take your hands off me or I swear I’m either going to spill my wine or kiss you, and I seriously do not care which.”

He leaned back with a sad smile. “You wouldn’t let me stay, would you, Nakiri?”

“I couldn’t,” she said helplessly. “We don’t even know where our lines are.”

“Do we need lines?” Souma asked, finishing his glass and balancing it on his knee. “You and I are beyond this dimension.”

Erina stared at him, memorizing every last square centimeter of his features — the way his hair seemed to get shorter every time they met until he somewhat resembled someone of his culinary pedigree; the way the creases formed on his sleeves along the contours of his toned arms.

“You know, Nakiri, if you let me stay, you wouldn’t have to stare so much.”

She tore her gaze from his collarbone, her whole face turning red. In all her twenty-one years, that had to be the most embarrassing moment of her life. “Shut up! I’m not staring!”

He was watching her with wistful eyes. ���I wouldn’t mind if you were…” 

And they both heard it.

I wouldn’t mind if you were mine.

[what-kinda-fuckery]

Hey so, I was one of the star struck falsettos stans that spent the forty dollars for the webinar, and I took notes (like a weirdo). So I decided I would share my funny moments and updates from the cast here!

- Host: Everyone should be keeping their audio off.

Christian: Oh alright!

Host: nO Christian not you

- Christians in Manhattan and his hair is back and he’s wearing a Superman t-shirt.

- Brandon is with his parents in NJ

- Stephanie and Brandon still love each other

- Brandon: Meat should be cooked just right

- Betsy: Stephanie are you in maple wood?

Stephanie: Well thank you for telling everyone where I am (she’s in NJ)

- Stephanie: Are you fucking kidding meee!!!

- Tracie is in LA, she looks like she’s in Costa Rica and I love her dog.

- Anthony’s VOICE IS LOW EVERYONES FREAKING OUT

they’re all talking about Anthony’s clear skin

- Andy Randy is in LA with a fresh haircut his boyfriend did it and he’s watching too much TV

Andrew: I’m watching this is America

Stephanie: SO GOOD

Andrew: SO GOOD

- Everyone’s having hard days

- Christian is acting out tracies dog’s pathetic bark and everyone’s like WHAT are you doing bc it looks like he’s about to throw up

- BETSY IS A WEEK AWAY FROM HAVINGA WHOLE CHILD

Betsy: What else do you do during a pandemic? Have a baby!

Andrew: Can I toss out another baby name? Celery.

Literally everyone: Goodnight Andrew goodbye!

- Christian is living with a girl (?) and playing board games instead of watching television

HE COOKS NOW EVERYONES PROUD OF HIM

Christian: yesterday I made pork filet en croute

Stephanie: I MADE PORK WITH SAGE AND APPLES ON WEDNESDAY

Stephanie: In mean girls they wear pink on wednesdays. In falsettos they make pork.

- I can’t get over Anthony’s voice

Again everyone returning to his literally perfect skin

- Stephanie: When watching four jews in a room in the beginning who’s in China?? I know the answer I just want to hear someone say it.

Andrew, with a thick accent: It was Bryna, in China, with a torn miniscus

- Christian: Did anything interesting make it on to the telecast between me and you? Andrew? Actually I dont remember I need to do my research.

Andrew: There’s been some strange comments about Christian and I- (AT THIS POINT IM WHEEZING)

HE MENTIONED THE TONY BONY

HE SAID IT WASNT A THING

HE DIDNT HAVE ONE

Andrew: No that’s not a thing that happened

Brandon: Andrew i want you to know that it’s okay if it was. It’s a safe space just the seven of us. (Lol)

- Bill Finn would take two steps into the room: “WROONG”

Stephanie: he wanted me to sing the end of I’m breaking down up the octave and I said #notmytrina

Brandon: #NOTMYTRINA

- Tracie what did you do during act 1

Tracie: Betsy and I sat in that dressing room for like an hour and a half

Andrew: You SANG the WHOLE SHOW TRACIE

- Betsy watched parts of the first act to feel like she was there

- Betsy sprained both her ankles at one point during the run and was a trooper anyways

Brandon reenacting Betsy limping during look look look look

Everyone dies laughing

Christians LAUGH makes me SO HAPPY

- Betsys screen is frozen like this: 🤨

Andrew: What if she went into labor??? (This is a common thread throughout the zoom)

- Anthony: I’m getting a lot of glitching so Stephanie is just like “HUH UH UH UH”

- Betsy comes back and everyone is like

YOU GUYS ITS COMING!!!

- They bought Andrew an ice cream for his birthday from the vending machine at rehearsal

- Andrew: The Hawaii crop top

Betsy: I would give anything to have that

- Tracie: it was very hard. Very precise bringing the blocks together

Brandon: Trying to be like oh my god we’re going to a funeral

Andrew: MY DEATH IT WAS MY DEATH

- fan question: What did the blocks weigh?

Stephanie: They were like thick yoga blocks. Not heavy but awkward shaped

Andrew: Significantly heavier when Anthony sat on them

Anthony: I just realized how much I got thrown around

Stephanie: Anthony were you proud of yourself? #proudofyou

Anthony: The one moment I was cringing was father and son

Christian: HERE WE GO *SLAPS TABLE*

Betsy: Anthony’s like BLAH BLAH BLAH blah my line BLAH BLAH BLAH my line BLAH BLAH

Christian: I LEAVE THE PAUSE IF YOU CANT GET IN THATS ON YOU

Anthony: I was blinking in that number like constantly

Christian: THE WHOLE THING LIKE A SALAMANDER

Oh Anthony.

- Andrew: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT CHRISTIAN BORLE. Tech for what more can i say. He was laying on me. We were shirtless in underpants under the blankets.

Christian: SLOWER

Andrew: he leaned over; He sniffed his armpit and said “I hope you like France”

EVERYONE DIES LAUGHING INCLUDING ME

Christian: i haven’t worn deodorant in 10 years true story

- Christian: i seem to remember holding our pillows and blankets pretending like we were partying on fyre island and Andrew said:

Andrew: WHATS YOUR NAME???

Christian: No no it was something like:

WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN??

Andrew: WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN???

Betsy: James lupine I feel like we’re ruining this show

- Andrew: The shenanigans were real but so was the sadness

Stephanie: We’re real and we’re funny what you gonna do

- Andrew talking about how hard the show was to do: Finding some liberty, It’s a hard world to live in all the time. It was a hard time especially for Christian. I would sometimes go home and cry for no reason

Brandon: Building up emotion with nowhere to put it

Betsy: then Lesbians come in and provide all the levity

Stephanie: Although Dr. Charlotte brings in horrible news

Tracie: Everything’s beautiful at what more can i say and I’m like not so fast

- Tracie always had a funny thing to say

- Who broke character the most on stage?

Anthony Stephanie and Christian

Anthony: it was when I said “I don’t want a bar mitzvah” and I spit in your face a lot and you went like *puts arms up* and someone at stage door was like very condescending like it’s not professional

Christian: Oh my bad we’re people sorry

- Stephanie wrote a line in the show “YOU HAVE PAINTINGS OF DICKS”

- James wanted her to cut off her finger during I’m breaking down

And turn around with a bandaged bloody finger

- Betsy’s nose bleeding during something bad is happening

And Tracie was like something BAD IS HAPPENING

Tracie: Christians throwing up right now

Betsy: Bloody Kleenex up the nose THE SHOW MUST GO ON

- Fan question: Stephanie how do you belt with a banana in your mouth

Christian: Practice practice practice

Stephanie: just shove it in your cheek. But Really that wasn’t supposed to happen

Anthony’s nickname in the rehearsal room was little bananas because he had to gather up all the pieces of stuff after Stephanie shoved the table over with her rear. Sometimes he didn’t have enough time to put it somewhere so he would just put the pieces of banana in his mouth and that’s where it came from

That’s why

- Andrew: Stephanie your glasses are very chic

Stephanie: Oh my gosh thank you *shocked*

- Betsy: Bill was like I’d rather DIE than change lyrics for the pbs special

FLaT aS a LaKe

- Cue everyone accidentally talking over each other and saying what at each other for 30 seconds

Christian: what? what? what?

Who is it?

What’s going on?

- If you could play anyone else in the show who would it be

Anthony said Mendel

Tracie said Mendel

Brandon said Trina

Andrew said marvin

Betsy said whizzer

Stephanie said Mendel

And I honestly couldn’t hear if Christian said anything whoops

- Brandon: If someone could at some point explain to me the Mendel eats dirt meme? People have been Asking me if Mendel eats dirt? I don’t think it’s about Trina Trina is not the dirt. I was overwhelmed. Can someone in the Q&A explain this? *A few seconds later* oh It was from a meme generator?

Christian: Greaat.

Brandon: It’s a fan fiction about Mendel eating dirt and getting aroused by it

Everyone: WHAT

- They still get fan art

Someone recreated the whole soundtrack 8bit and also with KAZOOS

- Brandon: CONGRATS CHRISTIAN ON LULOS WIN FOR LITTLE SHOP. If you haven’t seen Christian in little shop it’s revelatory I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass I have not laughed that hard in a while at the theatre

- Christian talking about little shop

Christian has a 12 inch Batman toy in his dressing room and he misses it

- Ticket prices were getting out of control before corona everyones hoping this will make a difference

Brandon and everyone think it should get more accessible

- Brandon: Hear hear I need a refill

- Stephanie: Your hair looks incredible Brandon (it did)

Christian: She’s been waiting to talk about it for 53 minutes

- Andrew: Well Betsy what I’m wondering is have you crowned yet??

Proceed everyone dying

Brandon, taking a picture of the screen: This moment will go down in history as When Betsy was asked if she was crowning

- Everyone mimicking zoom freezing by starting a sentence and freezing halfway through

- Christian: What new Steven sondheim musical are you excited about Anthony *devilish grin*

Anthony having no idea what Christian is talking about

Christian: Come on Anthony you know the answer. Ugh. The minds of the young. You’re smoking pot now aren’t you??

Christian: We have a lot of fun

- Andrew: I’m trying to get people to pay attention to me

- Christians pretending to be frozen

Cue a lot of yelling: Stephanie BRANDON STEPHANIE

NO CHRISTIAN

Everyone accusing each other of being frozen

NO YOURE FROZEN

- Andrew: Let’s all act like we’re frozen

Steph: I see Andrew acting like hes frozen

Betsy: Watching you do that is killing me

- Listening to the cast recording for the first time together

Stephanie: Why was I the a-hole that couldn’t be there???

Christian: That’s a question only you can answer

- Betsys husband came in everyones like BETSY LOOK OUT

Christian: that scared the shit out of me

- What is marvins last name and what was his line of work

Christian: we definitely said it at some point right? (They didnt) but he was in advertising. What was the last name? Gardens? O’Malley?

- Andrew: Betsys gone oh no

Betsy: I’m right here!!!

Andrew: She’s giving birth (again)

Stephanie: Betsy Wolfe is a ceiling

- Brandon: Welcome back Anthony. You’re here now.

Anthony singing merrily we roll along over Betsy trying to tell a story

Christian: STOP SMOKING POT IN YOUR BEDROOM ANTHONY

- Betsy: Steve (Steven Sondheim) comes to the door I call him steve

Into the woods is the reason Betsy is in theatre

- Betsy: Andrew was nervous singing at the tonys for Book of Mormon and he got dry mouth he sang like 😬I BELIEVE and he licked his lips so much during the song.

Brandon: Did you have a boner then too?

Andrew: GUYS DONT BE DICKS

Stephanie: It’ll be like dry mouth, boner

Andrew: BETSY YOU FUCKIN BITCH ITS ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD

Stephanie: Bets maybe we should wrap it up

- Brandon sings MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

EVERYONE TELLING HIM TO STOP SINGING I took a video it was beautiful might post that later

- “Tracie Thomas from Lent!”

Tracie having stage fright

Tracie: Billy porter said “oh child we all forget the words” and walked away

- Anthony said WHO SHAT THE BED in four jews once

Anthony: That’s my contribution. Steph got her line, I got who shat the bed

- Steph: We lost andrew oh no

Christian: Um, we lost andrew ten minutes ago. Yeah when Brandon started singing

- Then Betsy sang a song by Bill Finn beautiful

- Steph: Wear your masks and eat pork on wednesdays

That was it!! I hope you enjoyed and people who were there if I got anything wrong that’s my human error it was hard to note everything I wanted to. Smooches! Byee

[heizerux]

IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW— Hero :3

My ML NY Special review/thoughts

First things first, I love this whole intro sequence they had going for the special. Really takes me in for the ride that they’re going International. Anywhoosies, the following are majority of my thoughts as I chronologically had them as I watched the special.

Starting off: SPACE POWERS SPACE POWER SPACE POWERS :o

I know they’re just friends, but im just saying Chat, not everyone goes out of their way to research rose colors to give to their “friends” ;3

CONGRATS ON THE BABY MS. BUSTIER!!!!!!!! May we meet your baby in ANY of the next two seasons. :3

Sock Washington Adrien and Marinette’s growth :’3 I love the analogies for her good FRIEND she uses.

Nathalie in bed rest from the peacock miraculous low key makes me wonder if Emílie started there first before. . . Well, ending up out.

I LOVE that this is an ACTUAL post S3 film. Most special films are made with that “description” to be inserted in any season, but they always feel off with continuity in the main series. Here we carry on that that although Adrigami and Lukanette are in the steps of “building” towards something from S3. . . We see that Adrienette/Ladynoir is just . . . Not going away anytime soon :3

The Ladybug kitty beeper 🥺 I want one. Gimme

Plagg: See any supervillains around??

(Idk. Try below the house 😬)

I love to see Kagami. I see she’s supportive of Adrien and his feelings with toughness lol.

Not gonna lie I low key actually think it’s sweet that Luka is so supportive of Marinette in general? He’s such a secure and good guy. I really could never (I actually forgot about the salt and comments about how he’s bland while watching him in this minute he had lol) He wasn’t bad. He was just here.

Marinette lights up Adrien’s thoughts/problems and he doesn’t even know it lol Boy can go from “Oh no, Ladybug is gonna be so pissed” to “OMG Marinette is here :D”

In regards to Alya: I didn’t know NYC was a “romantic” city. I just thought it was “flashy” lol

The SUNSETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT VIEWEWWWW and the HUGHGGGGGGGGKVDXHHXHXEEEEEEEERRDUURUTXITCTICTCITUTXOCOHVURSUZIFDIEURJJUSDIFIAWEKVMMVVFJHSHTYETIFJCHgshjfjdufii—

Nino FINALLY said it 👁👄👁 “Adrien is a baby chick coming out of his shell”. He straight up called out his own bro on his absentness. . . #wokenino

Ok, Majestia’s badass. I like her in this a lot and she’s a MOTHERRERFVHDYSYHFJYSIRKG GC DFUKGJG—

Sorry. Better luck next year, Domacles 🥺

“IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW MAN!!!”

Alya’s pointing XD . . . Annnnd Adrien missing the sign U_U

“The croissants are en route” BITCH I—

But Adrien, dear, PLEASE catch a hint :’3

No, Chloe! Don’t throw the mini Lafayette D:

I LOVE the new girls, Jess and Aeon so much

💕Sabrina x American Boy💕 that’s all. This matters to me

Kim found a buff friend to do buff things with🥺

We need a Hot Dog Dave in our real lives. A hero that brings free food. Hmmmm

Flying Adrienette . . . Dancing, together 🥺 UGH THEYRE SO IN LOVEEEEEEEE

Marinette AND Adrien’s Worst Continous ENEMY: Automatic Doors still

I’m trying SO HARD not to make anymore Hamilton references in this special 👁👄👁

American villains have the “common sense” Hawkmoth lacks. Technopirate:“Why do you want jewels? Don’t you want a bomb? No? Umm, okay?”

Chat Noir blowing his cover because Marichat!!!!!! Not gonna lie I found myself yelling a lot in excitement

. . . And THEN I found myself crying because seeing Ladybug being ACTUALLY LEVEL 9,000 mad at Chat Noir made my heart hurt. Ladybug chill 🥺

Lafayette was an American miraculous holder!!! 👁👄👁

These entire scenes. . . I don’t EVER wanna see them like hurt this again.

Oh yeah, Hawkmoth does stuff. The girls work to seek LB and CN as all adult heroes are going mad.

And the reunion 💕💕💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺💕💕

I just really love to see that even though they’re both “moved on” from their “love”, they keep coming back to and caring for each other. . . Those fist bumps are now equal to passionate Ladynoir kisses to me 🥺

LOOK AT THE AMERICAN HOLDER!!!!!!! I didn’t see this coming at alll and I’m fucking PLEASED with what we got. A Native American girl being a holder. *chefs kiss* I’m so freaking happy guys.

(Rip Paris but NY has bigger problems lol)

Omg Justicia and Knight Owl are together💕 I’m pretty sure that’s canon if you catch my drift 👀

Kind of an afterthought but I was a bit surprised to see the space powers shown kind of secondhand in this. I still hope to se them more in action within the show. Chat’s space costume looks gorgeous mimicking a night sky.

This special brought loves square fluff, hurt, super gays, more people of color, good insight on what the US is doing with their heroes, and a posible birth of more American holders? This isn’t even past the tip of the iceberg but this episode brought good stuff!!!!

10/10!!!!

[shannygoatgruff]

Grown & SeXY - Chapter 2

Header made by the talented @flowers-in-your-hayr​

For @youbloodymadgenius​​ for your 400 Followers Writing Challenge.  Congrats on your success!

Genre:  Romance/Comedy

Pairing:  Modern Ivar x Mature OC

Warning: Language/mild angst/Sexual content

Rating: M

Summary: A relationship between Generations X & Y will help this XX & XY learn a lot about themselves, each other, and love.  Cougar/cub relationships aren’t always just about a midlife crisis and arm candy.

A/N:  I got the concept for this story from a conversation I was having with @youbloodymadgenius​​.  I hope I do it justice.  This story is for you!

Chapter 2

Biiiiiitch!  Where have you been?  I’ve been IMing you but you been ducking me like I’m the IRS. Shit, I’m surprised we talking now - you mad at me or something?  Did somebody tell you that they heard some shit about you from me?  Because they were fucking lying. I wouldn’t do that. You know I don’t like all that gossip shit and I'm not one to put all people's business out on Front Street, like that.

So, girl, I need to holler at you about something right quick. What the hell is up with the non-disclosure agreement I sent you? Cause I damn sure didn’t get a signed copy back in my mailbox. Now, maybe I’m the slow bitch in the class, but it seems to me that there are a few more people in on our private meeting than just us, like we had previously discussed. 

Now, I’m not saying that you said something, but I know I sure as hell didn’t. So, if I was over here keeping my sexy ass mouth shut  (cause that how a bitch do) and you haven't said shit either, then who the fuck else is talking? You know, I bet it was probably those same bitches that were running around saying that they heard that I was talking shit about you. I tell you, people today ain't about shit. Well, fuck them.

Just so you know, I didn't call you to try to check you or anything. I called to try to catch you up on this grown and sexy shit cause bitch you are hella behind. Okay...I told you about how Marisol was at the club and met this fine ass little young boy at the bar, who turned out to be her high school BFF’s little brother, right? Did I tell you about how Marisol’s son and King Ding-A-Ling hate each other or how they met up at a party at his daddy’s house? Shit bitch, what do you know? I feel like I’m starting this shit all over at the beginning, again! Seriously hooker, keep up because before I can get into this shit, I have to set the scene. 

So, you need all the dirt on Ivar’s family so moving forward you know what the fuck I’m talking about when I just start dropping shit on you like Pearl Harbor.  Believe me, hon-ty when I tell you, these motherfuckers got some Telenovela, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal type shit with them. 

Alright now, let me start with his parents. You ever see a really attractive man and you figure, his daddy must have been cute when he was younger? Well, that’s Ivar’s daddy, Mr. Ragnar Lothbrok – or as I like to call him, Dick Daddy Yo.  

Now, child, Dick Daddy is fine as a motherfucker. And, I’m not talking regular run-of-the-mill attractive for a man in his late 50s – early 60s, who was probably knocking down everything back in the day, type of fine, either. No Queen - I’m talking, this motherfucker could get it TODAY, immediately, right now, if he asked for it. Shit, bitch, quiet as kept, he wouldn’t even have to ask. All he would have to do is set those baby blue eyes in my direction, and I would hand him the drawers.

So, back in the day, when they still lived in Norway, Dick Daddy married this total dime piece named Lagertha. When I tell you she was a bad bitch, I mean she was a Bad Bitch!  Shit, she still bad to this day thirty-some years later.  She was built, blond and beautiful, plus that bitch could box. I don’t know what kind of thug shit they taught her over there in the old country where they came from, but this broad was like Ronda Rousey out there in those Kattegat streets.  

Anyhoo, when Lagertha and Ragnar got married, she found out that Ragnar had that Super D and she knew she wasn't going to be able to keep all that good dick to herself because he liked to sling it all over town. So she told him to go do his dirt, but he better brings his fine ass home to her every night. Of course, he was all like, cool, he could have a dime piece at home and get cutty on the side…alright, bet!  

Well, honey, next thing you know, he gets hooked up with this fatal attraction type, funny looking broad named, Aslaug. Girl, Aslaug gets dickmatized and follows Ragnar around like a puppy, and the next thing you know he had to figure out how to bring a whole ass side-chick home to his dime piece wife. He must of came back with some shit like, “Baby, you know that girl Aslaug can cook and she’ll do that thing that you don’t like to do…you know cause she a freak…so really, it’s a win-win for us both.”  

So, I figure dude’s dick must have been dipped in platinum, because Lagertha was like, “Whatever, Dick Daddy,” cause the next thing you know all three of them are living together and these two bitches were sister-wives.  

Chile! But, here’s where the shit gets juicy!  Ooh, girl! The whole time Ragnar was out there in them streets, Lagertha’s sexy ass was knocking over his brother, Rollo, and word around the campfire is, one of them kids ain’t really Ragnar’s…biiiiiitttttttch! I can't make this shit up!

So anyway, by the time all those damn babies came all 50/11 of them moved here to that big blue house at the end of Greenwich, you know the one with the big ass fence front and the nice pool? The one that the young people always have all the parties at...yeah, that one well, that’s where they still live.  

Now onto the kids. Honey, Ragnar has five maybe six kids that he’s claiming. I'm sure it's more out there, but I'm telling you about the ones I know about. First, you got the two he has with Lagertha; that’s Bjorn, and Gyda (that’s if don’t think Bjorn is Rollo’s son).  But what the hell, I’ll take “Let’s Pretend That Bjorn Is Ragnar’s Kid” for $200, Alex…  

So, Bjorn is the oldest of all of the kids. And what can I say about BJ?  BJ is fucking…girl, he’s just fucking. He’s fucking any and everything. That man. Jesus jumped up.  He’s about 6’3”, 250lbs, muscular, blond, these piercing blue eyes. This smile…strong jawline. He has these hands, right? These hands that you know could just grip you right up under your ass cheeks and hold you up against a wall, and these arms…gurl, make me want to faint like a white woman! Hmm.  

BJ reminds me of Ragnar. Hell, all those kids remind me of him in some way, but Bjorn oozes sex like Ragnar. I don’t know what it is, but watch your uterus around him. If you stand too close to BJ, your pussy is liable to jump in his back pocket and you won’t even notice that it’s gone.  

BJ has a shit-ton of kids though and has been married like 150 times. I don’t know what it is, but he finds these blonde women, fucks them, marries them, has 20 babies with, and then gets divorced. He’s a shitty husband, but I bet you he’s a fire ass lay. 

Then there’s Gyda, we call her Da-Da. She’s just beautiful. Whew. She got those looks from both of her parents.  It is honestly painful to look at her. She’s the charming side of Ragnar. The side that’ll have you naked and buying her ass a house and a car before the waiter finishes taking your order on the first date.  It’s a good thing she’s a nice person because if she was an evil bitch, there’s no telling what she would be up to. She’s another tall one, with blonde hair and blue eyes. But, she’s built like her mother. This bitch looks like she needs to be holding a fundraiser where she’s wearing clear heels, in a strip club, called Twerking For Jesus or some shit.

Now, if those two gorgeous kids weren’t enough to make everyone else in the world jealous of how good the D and the seed were from Ragnar, he had to go and spread it around some more with that weird bitch, Aslaug. They have four boys; Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar. I don’t know how those boys ended up being so fine because Aslaug’s ass is not what I would call attractive. But, they got Ragnar’s genes and miracles never cease to amaze me.  

All, but one, of them can get it any day.    

Let’s start with Ubbe. It’s a long story, I don’t remember the particulars, but he’s known around the way as, Weebae. I can’t remember if it’s because he was small when as a baby, or because he used to cry all the damn time.  But, whatever the case, if you hear a motherfucker asking for Weebae, they talking about Ubbe. Anyway, Wee is Ragnar’s twin. That child looks like Ragnar just spit him out on the street, only I don’t know where in the fuck he got his personality, cause Ragnar ain’t that fucking nice and Aslaug is a fucking cunt.  

Have you ever met somebody that’s so damn nice, that they seem like a bitch ass?  Like they are just softer than a motherfucker? Somebody that constantly lets people run over the top of him all the damn time and you just want to be like, yo you’s a giant whore! Well, that’s Wee. If he wasn’t so damn sexy, I would be like you soft, brah…get your punk ass away from me. But seeing as how fine he is, I’m like…bring your sensitive ass over here and let me make it all better, with your sexy self. Cause, you know, Mama loves the sensitive ones.

Who’s next? Oh, yeah, the next one is Hvitserk. I know it’s a fucked up name, but no one calls him that. They call him Boobie. Why do you ask? Because Boobie loves titties. I swear that boy was trying to get everybody to breastfeed him since he was born. The bigger a woman's boobs, the more Boobie is into her. But he's such a freaking cutie pie! He doesn’t look like Ragnar to me, but he reminds me of him in that way where as long as he can fuck and eat, he doesn’t give a fuck about much else. He’s the type that never has the same job or girlfriend for too long. He just goes with the flow and stays around until he gets bored.  

Now Boobie favors Ragnar but not as much as some of the other kids.  He’s got this cute baby face, with this sandy blonde hair and these pretty green eyes, like Aslaug.  When you see him, you just want to pinch his cheeks on his face and his ass.  And because he seems like such a little lost puppy, you just want to take him home, and take care of him…maybe tie him up to your bed and ride his ass like he’s Budweiser Clysdale in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, too.     

Then there’s Sigurd…oh, Siggy. I call him, Brother Useless. He got all of Aslaug’s genes. It must be hard to look like Sigurd when you are born into that family. To be below average looking when you have extraordinarily attractive siblings, how does one go one with life?  By being a giant dick, that’s how.  Siggy fucking sucks donkey balls. He irks my fucking life. Siggy and I have history, outside of this little tale, and believe me he’s a dick in those stories, too.  

Anyway, he looks just like his mama with facial hair.  It’s really quite unfortunate. He reminds me of one of those Muppets off of the Dark Crystal. When I first found out that he was one of Ragnar’s sons, my first response was, I know you fucking lying! They should have just thrown the whole damn child away. See, Ragnar, that’s what happens when you go slumming with a funny looking chick…you get a funny looking kid with a fucked up personality.  God don't like ugly...

But He redeemed your good name with Lil' Man. Oh, my sweet Ivar.  This boy looks nothing like either of his parents but is the total embodiment of his father. Ivar is sexy. No, let me rephrase that for the bitches in the back...I said, IVAR IS SEXY. Bitch, I don’t know if there is even a word to describe the level of attractiveness this little bastard has. I don’t know if it’s that life-altering smile, or the dark hair and pale blue eyes. Shit, it could be that intense stare he has or those arms…or it could be that chest or maybe it’s that ass that you just want to bite and those lips that make you just want to sit on his face. Whatever it is about him, that boy makes you tingle in the most unladylike of places.  

Now, when Ivar was born, something was wrong with him and he needed an operation. He was fine afterward, but Aslaug’s dramatical ass was acting like he was on his damn death bed and treated him like he was Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable. So, naturally, he grew up spoiled as shit. So now, this child don’t know how to do shit. He thinks everybody supposed to hand him everything, just because he’s cute.  

Honey, short of my number and panties, he gonna have to work for everything else like everybody else.  But see, you can’t tell fine, muscular, spoiled ass, motherfuckers, with beautiful eyes, killer smiles, nice hair, and that smell good all the fucking time that they’re not special. Oh, no, because they will try to prove you wrong. At least he finished college and doesn’t have any kids. But if his ass would get a job…Sorry, I’m skipping ahead.  

Okay, so you have the background on the family.  Now check out how this shit went down...

Being in the Lothbrok house brought back a ton of memories for Soli. She had spent a good part of her adolescence there with her best friend, Gyda.  The two of them had countless sleepovers, movie marathons, and of course their love of all the teenage heartthrobs of the 80s and 90s. Teen Bop, Tiger Beat, and 17 Magazines fed their obsessions for Kirk Cameron, Corey Haim, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and Mario Lopez. I was always a Joey Lawerence girl myself, but that’s neither here nor there.

That was until that one time the two of them got into this huge fight over who was going to marry Justin Timberlake. But then Bjorn told them that he thought Ryan Philippe was the same person and the girls realized that they did look a lot alike. So, Soli took JT and Gyda took Ryan, and they all lived happily ever after.  

As she accepted the glass of champagne from the tray, Soli looked around the hallway leading out to the patio. It was amazing how different the house looked now. Since the remodel nothing was where she had remembered. The living room used to be to the left of the hallway, and there had been a large formal dining room to the right. They also used to have a huge kitchen right behind the dining room and then the family room sat just behind there, with the entrance to the back yard. It was always a good-sized house, but the way it was cut up, with these weird doorways and walls in the most awkward of places, it always felt cramped, especially with so many people living there.  

But this? The open concept floor plan, no walls to obstruct the view...spacious, huge windows, lots of sunlight...it was gorgeous! Lothbrok Designs, LLC did one hell of a job. Everything from the floor plan to the decor was beautiful. Maybe Soli could get them to hook her up discount and do some work around her house.

“Hey there! I thought I saw you,” Gyda smiled walking over to Marisol with her arms out. “Oh Sonni, you look so good! I still can’t get over how you haven’t aged a bit. And girl, that body!”  

Soli spun around in a circle to give her friend the full view. Even she had to admit, the off the shoulder, floral printed, Boho, maxi-dress looked damn good on her. Especially the way the soft pink color played with the beautiful warm tones in her toffee-colored skin. And honey, she was rocking this split that came all the up the front of the dress to the bodice, that would have been showing all of the church's business if it wasn't for that little white chiffon underdress thing. Honey...forty where? She was a banger and she knew it. “Well, you know forty is new twenty. I didn’t get to do my twenties right because I had Mani, but now I'm single and I'm ready to mingle! And you, Diva…”

“Well, thanks. You know...I get it from my Mama." Gyda did a little shimmy and laughed. "Thank you so much for coming. It’s so good to have you back in town. I know my parents are excited to see you again.” She looked around the room and waved at a guest who was walking by, “Everyone was excited that you said you were coming.”  

Everyone? Why did Gyda say it like that? Soli was excited to catch up with the family, too, but damn. Soli knew that little cutie Ivar was going to be there, but that was nothing. A little innocent eye flirting at the bar a couple of weeks ago didn't mean anything. She hadn't seen or thought of that boy since. And she wasn't thinking about him today...well, not that much, anyway.

“Da-Da,” A gorgeous older blond man came up to Gyda and placed a soft kiss on the side of her head, before turning his attention to Soli. “No, you can’t be…Marisol Peña? The young lady I saw as much as my daughter growing up?” Ragnar walked over to Soli and wrapped her in a warm hug.

Soli chuckled and shook her head when she felt his hands linger at her waist a second longer than they should have. “Oh, Mr. Lothbrok,” Soli she patted him lightly on the chest taking a half step back to take in that beautiful smile, “Oh, it’s been too long. You still look good.” She smiled, feeling his hands slowly move down her side to now rest on her hips.

“And you still are as beautiful as ever,” he said leaning in toward her to talk to her. He had always had this strange way articulating certain words and sometimes he would get uncomfortably close when he would talk to people. Gyda used to get embarrassed because her father would get all up on her friends when he spoke to them, but Marisol always thought it was kind of sexy the way he would breathe on her when he talked.  

She felt herself being hypnotized momentarily by all that sexy, but she quickly regained her senses. “Mr. Lothbrok,” she tutted keeping a careful eye on him as he slowly walked around her in a circle with a sly grin on his face, “I see you're still as smooth as ever.” 

It was fluid the way Ragnar brushed his face next to Soli’s ear to whisper in his sexy accent, making the tendrils of hair tickle her neck, “Ragnar.”  

"Ragnar," she giggled. He was still a DILF, even after all these years.

“Ragnar?”  A feminine voice called causing everyone to turn toward a tall strawberry-blonde in flowing green empire dress standing at the patio door, “Come, lunch is ready and we will have cake.” For as tall and thin as she was the dress did nothing for her. A hottie like Lagertha could have pulled it off, but not her. Although, the navy blue and dark green embroidery did accentuate the red in her hair and her green eyes.    

Soli’s eyes widened as she turned to Gyda, devastated. “Is that Aslaug?” she whispered.  As they all began walking through the house toward the backyard she found herself laughing at the expression on Gyda's face. “Bitch, shut up.” Oh, they had so much to catch up on. 

Judging by how good Aslaug looked, she had had some work done. She was still funny looking, but she looked a whole hell of a lot better than she did when Soli knew her.  

Time seemed to fly by for Soli as she sat in backyard eating, laughing, and drinking with her childhood friend. She had forgotten how much she missed Gyda. But being with her and the family, it felt like they never missed a beat.  She even sat at the table reserved for Ragnar's kids and had no problem catching up with each one of them. Oh, the gossip she found out about sitting there.

For example, Weebae was married to BJ's ex-wife, Torvi, who left BJ with four children and is now having a baby with Bae. And you know the crazy thing is all of them are still talking like nothing ever happened? Or how about this, apparently something happened between Siggy and Ivar - no one is talking about what it is yet, but the two of them don't talk. They can be sitting at the same table and won't utter two words to each other. And did you know that none of the brothers knew why Soli and Gyda fell out all those years ago? I know, but that ain’t my place to say, so done tucked that one way down deep in my bra, honey. All I know is I could write a whole other story about this damn family’s shenanigans alone!  

“Man, I wish I could remember that!” Siggy laughed throwing his napkin on his plate.  “I would have loved to see the look on Bae’s face!” He gently nudged his brother’s arm as he continued to make fun of him.  

Ubbe shook his head and lowered his eyes as the stain of blush colored his cheeks, “I can’t believe that was you,” he said to Soli, “I remember running through the house naked, but I never remembered why.”  

Soli smiled around her glass of wine, trying her best to ignore the incredibly attractive younger man sitting next to her. "I remember why. I remember that little birthmark on your ass, too."

Gyda laughed putting the last of her spoonful of cake in her mouth. “Oooh, Beege, do you remember that time we were playing Van Damme and you ended up in the emergency room?” 

Bjorn rolled his eyes and tried to cover his brow with his hand, “Of course I remember!  How could I forget?” He started rubbing his inner thigh at the memory.  He looked around the table at all of his brothers’ faces who were rapted with excitement, smiles already plastered on their faces, dying to hear the story.  “So, I might have been about 13, Da-Da and Soli might have been around 11 or so. Anyway, we used to always watch Daddy's Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. I was obsessed - he was a total bad-ass to me. We had no business watching them because they were rated R and too violent for us to be watching, but we didn't care. And after the movies, we always would play Van Damme and act out our own scenes but do all the karate moves we just saw.”

“But, he always thought he automatically got to be Van Damme because he was a boy, and he always tried to make me the stupid female sidekick. I wanted to be the badass female Van Damme, ya know?" Soli said rolling her eyes.

“Wait, where was Da-Da?”  Ubbe asked.

“I always wanted to be the bad guy,” Gyda shrugged, “What? It was fun.”  

"Yeah, we used to whip her ass, "Soli laughed, “So, this one day BJ and I got in this big argument about who should get to be Van Damme in our reenactment. Of course, he thought he should be because he’s a boy, and I said that I should be because I could do the split. You remember the splits he used to do, right?” She looked around the table and watched everyone nod.

That is, all except one, “No…he’s the guy with that show on HULU now, right?” Ivar asked, turning in his chair so that his outstretch leg brushed Soli’s shin under the table. “He used to do action movies?”

Rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the question, Soli reached into her small clutch bag and pulled out her phone. “I keep forgetting you’re a child. Of course, you don’t know anything about Jean-Claude Van Damme.  When were you born, like 6 months ago?” She quickly found a picture of the Van Damme split online and handed her phone to Ivar. 

“So, in the movie Double Impact, he did the split when he had his legs on these chairs and his pelvis was suspended between them…I knew I could do it. I had been taking gymnastics since I was six. But BJ, thought because he was a boy he was naturally superior.”

“Oh God, Beege…what happened?” Hvitserk asked popping open another beer.

“The chairs moved, man.” Bjorn said sadly, “Daddy had to take me to the hospital.  My nuts twisted; sprained my dick.” He tried to hold back his laugh but listening to how funny his brothers found his childhood misfortune made Bjorn laugh, too. “Never played Van Damme again.”

“And you never bet against me again, that’s for sure.” Soli felt Ivar’s hand brush against the side of hers and when she turned to face him he was handing back her phone. She noticed that when he leaned over toward her that the first two buttons of his classic white button-down shirt were undone, exposing his thick neck, and collarbone to her. Would it be rude if she tried to get a peek down his shirt? She didn't think so. What was rude was him smelling like a clean ocean breeze or wearing that damn white shirt against his tanned skin. 

Ivar put the phone in her open palm and closed his hand around hers. The hint of a smile started with one corner of his mouth and as his tongue darted out of his mouth and started worrying the bottom corner of the lip. 

“So, um…you can do that split, huh?” There it was. That come sit on my face smile. She had to watch out for this little bastard.

“Yep and  I can do it on a handstand,” she whispered back, and winked at him, pursing her lips to keep herself from smiling. God, this kid was so damn cute, but she shouldn't be flirting with him, even if it was who she was by nature. He was too young. It was too wrong. He was too sexy. She hadn’t had sex in a very long time.  This was tricky. She knew the family.  He had muscles. “Close your mouth there, Baby Ivey.” She patted his shoulder feeling the striations under her fingertips. That was another thing, she had to stop touching him!

“Hey Mom,” Soli’s son, Mani walked over to the table she was sitting at wearing a nice pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She had made him promise to drop by for a minute, just to say hi to some of her childhood friends before he went to a party of his own. The things he did for that woman.  

“There’s my Baby Boy!” Soli said, standing up. “Mani, I want you to meet my second family when I was growing up. This was my best friend, Gyda, and her brothers Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar.” She gestured her hand to each person as she said their names. “Everyone, this is my son, Miguel.”  

Ivar smiled and stood up, offering his hand to shake, “I remember you from school. Cartoon Boy, right?”

Mani’s posture stiffened and his warm brown eyes hardened almost instantly, “I don’t remember Jock Strap.” Mani had hated Ivar since they were in high school. Even as a teenager he thought Ivar Raganarsson was a dick. He was an entitled asshole who thought the world owed him something. He had walked around that school like he was the shit and because Mani was younger, smaller and didn’t play sports, Ivar just fucking sucked toward him. He never bullied him, but he always acted like Mani was beneath him.  

Well, fuck Ivar and his big ass beaver teeth smile…got on his fucking nerves. Mani turned his attention to the rest of the table. “It was nice to meet all of you, but I have another engagement. I just stopped by to drop something off to my mom.” 

“Excuse me,” Soli said getting up from the table. She was ready to punch Mani in the throat. She had specifically told him that when he came to the house not to say anything insulting to Ivar. And if she had to listen to one more minute of how much Mani hated Ivar she was going to scream. Since she told him about that first time seeing him at the bar all she had heard was how much of an asshole Ivar had been in high school and how he stole the lead in the school play Mani’s sophomore year. Did she care? Not at all. Mani was 22 years old now and he was still holding a grudge about something that happened when he was 15.  

She walked back into the house with her son following him to the front door. The fake she was forcing was hurting her face. “What the fuck was that, Mani?”

“You see him with that Fuck Boy Ricky hairstyle? I swear Mom, he’s a total Dickbag.” Mani rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “And you're friends with his people? That's a whole new level of douchery, even for you, Mom.”  

“Oh my, God…I’m not. Not right now.” She got on her tiptoes to kiss her son on the cheek. “Have fun tonight. I love you.”

“I’m telling you, watch that fucktard.”

"Get out," Soli pushed her son out of the door and sighed. This was reason number 4,037 why she never dated. Mani hated and had something to say about everyone. Not saying that she wanted to date Ivar or anything, but just saying that Mani had a problem with every male that she was even friendly with. It was hopeless. Her ex-husband was going to be the last man she’d ever have sex with.  Oh, the humanity of it all...

Soli walked back to the family table with a fresh glass of wine and sat back with a smile as she watched the siblings pose for their family photos.  The pictures were going to be gorgeous - they were a beautiful family. There were so many photos being taken, too. There were poses of Ragnar, both his wives, all of his children, and grandchildren. Even the photos of the divisions of the families were beautiful. But the most captivating thing to Soli was that Ivar was the photographer.  

He was so patient and genuinely seemed to be having a good time doing it.  He was a natural. He laughed as he directed his family and smiled a huge, smile with every picture he took. He was engaging and extremely creative. Looking at him, she would have never have guessed he had an artistic side to him. When Soli realized that she had a full-blown smile on her face watching Ivar and not the family she shook her head and grabbed her phone for a distraction. 

Taking a sip of wine, she checked her text messages and almost choked. There as only one missed message and it was from a number that she didn't recognize. He must have called himself on her phone to get her number. 

She couldn't stop the big ass smile from spreading across her face as she read:

‘Splits and handstands?  I💓 gymnastics! ~ Baby Ivey’

So, girl, that’s what happened with that. Don’t worry, we are about to get into the good shit, I promise. I'm telling this story honey and bitch I'm building suspense.  

I'll talk to you later girl. And next time, I ping you, answer your girl. Don’t be screening me like I’m that dude at the club that you trying to get rid of.  

Chapter 1

Tags:  @youbloodymadgenius​​ @idea-garden @kol--mikaelson​​ @mooniemouse​​ @didiintheblog​​ @waiting4inspiration​​ @tempt-ress​ @where-beauty-goes-to-die @crazyaboutmotleycrue​​ @oddsnendsfanfics​​ @geekandbooknerd​​ @ivarthebloodyking​​ @honestsycrets​​   @xbellaxcarolinax​​  @zuxiezendler​​ @inforapound​​​  @a-mess-of-fandoms​​

[justmikerrss]

to all the boys that will *never* love me:

Dear christian, stephen, mikio, oscar, royce, pat, manny, derrick, mars, gill, rex, max, kevin, and nick -- whether y’all were a crush or someone i saw myself being in a relationship with get ready bc i’m going IN. I’m gonna use this time to rank these catastrophes from level 1 to level 5. level 1 being a crush yenno not so bad or scarring, and level 5 being sad machine playing while the world is burning to pieces like bish you left a MARK on my heart. if you know me i think you know who that person is hahaha

*alexa, please play truth hurts by lizzo*

christian - level 1. lol let’s take a trip down memory lane to my first crush ever!! my gosh i remember being so kilig over this boy in elementary school at st. leander lol it was so obvious. hahaha. your spikey hair and like goofy ass smile i don’t know i was such a sucker for that. the first filipino boy i ever crushed on waow <3 but then I left st. leander and never spoke to you again. you went to o’dowd, i went to sjnd and that was it really. you went to sfsu i went to usf. idk how we ever found each other on insta, but it is so cute to see posts of you and jasmine haha a USF don as well!! the last “convo” (i wouldn’t even call it that) was when i commented on your graduation post and you commented back thanking me and saying congrats too. so happy that your trillest brand is killing it and you know nothing about me anymore but what a great time it was to know you were my first crush ever lol. thanks for this <3

stephen - level 1. lol i left st. leander and moved to sjes and was like ok, who am i gonna crush on now?? hello stephen, my first white boi lol. i knew fosho that you thought i was weird in elementary school like there is a particular time where in church i sat next to you and during the our father you did not want to hold my hand LMAO and that’s when i knew. i stood from afar. touched your thumb for heads up 7 up HAHAHA gosh you were so out of my league and such an asshole tbh. you and nick, forever making fun of me for liking mikio lmfao hate y’all forever. you went to lmu and that was history. lmao you were so mean to me. but all well. you were like not a good person i think i just liked you because of your looks? lol hahaha

mikio - level 2.5. oh my god the epitome of my boy problems in high school lmfao fuck you. jk. but high school mika wouldn’t take that back. oh myyyyy what a FLIRT were you. i had so many fantasies thinking we’d be together, we’d be m&m HAHAH BARF wow, and then you dated mel and it was just like??? then you were my escort but then i was like nope and switched you with ryann LOL suuuuper crazy like I don’t really remember the details of everything but i knew in high school being so kawawa over not being noticed by you. but then you went to davis, slo, and now in sl?? idk where you are now but you had my heart back then (barf) but that was such a long time ago that honestly it doesn’t phase me anymore!! a feeling high school mika wouldn’t have thought was possible. so thank you. i liked you because you gave me little glimmers of hope of like maybe we could be together -- you were nice, flirtatious, close to your family... not afraid to make a fool of yourself for the one you’re interested in. which wasn’t me but again that’s okay! I wrote a letter to you didn’t i? idk what i was doing why was i so dramatic tbh. you did things that honestly weren’t in my control so i can’t hate you really. again realizing that you fit my type so it just, idk

oscar -- level 1. when mikio was being a butt i knew i could crush on you. LOL the hugs, the convos, being able to laugh at anything when you were in the room what a time SJND was when you were there. now you’re in boston with your boo and i’m still really regretful over not being able to see you when i was in boston last year but it’s okay. happy that you’re happy out there :-)

royce and pat -- level 1.5. ah. USF college times man. these two were literally a duo. RA’s of the 4th floor (share yall are silly for assigning that haha) and damn, what a trip it was to crush on you. royce you were a dj so thats how i knew my thing for dj’s came. you both did your jobs at ra’s, pat you were on eboard so i saw your hustle there which i super appreciated. and this is also how i knew filipinos were my type? lol. EVEN THO YALL WERE LIKE WITH BOOS lol i am cursed but yall had hustle, swagger, passion for what you love, and still made time for partying it up and studying. and now i see royce at parties sometimes n i would awk hug him (rip at the phoenix hotel party) and i havent seen pat since he graduated but hes so happy with becca!! so cute. and its cute (and weird) how kierst is happy with royce.

****DJ SPARKY/AGANA/YURI -- level 1. yall are dj’s who i will always cringe at bc of how naive i was at shooting my shot... BUT IM GLAD YOU ALL ARE THRIVING OK LETS DISMISS THOSE BOIZ NOW 

manny -- level 2.5. ahhhhh manny manny manny. my first trip towards using dating apps and matching with someone on TINDER!!! LOL!!!! ok anywho i met up with you for a few times and it was just like... a lot of question marks bc i didn’t really know where my standards were when it came to online dating. we went on dates? but the first time i paid, and the second time you “forgot your card” so i paid again?? and then you walked me to my dorm and kissed me on the forehead?? red alert!! then you kept wanting like a second chance, to prove me wrong and i kept ignoring you bc wtf lmao... then i was foolish to let you into my life again and realized that was a mistake and blocked you again. and now you’re like a bonafide dj living your edm dreams. i saw you at audio TWICE omg rip. i liked you because lol ur filipino, a dj, buttered me up a whole ton which again problematic bc i didn’t see any of it within myself... but its okay mika is better now. better to not be talking to you. but thank you for being my stepping stone into dating apps.

derrick -- level 1. omg at times i forget about you! which i don’t know is a good or bad thing but i don’t think i ever told anyone about you lol. we met on okc, this filipino boi (lol a trend) andddd i went on like two dates with him? one, i met up with him at that one coffee spot near golden gate park. then we walked over to ggp and we just talked and thinking about it now it was very ideal for me to be myself fully, in public if that makes sense. you were so nice and genuine omg. we went to sweet maple the second time around and you paid for the food which was like wow!! diff than manny!! and i remember talking to you about kh and you loving it as much as me. but i got scared because you were like 26 or somn? i was still 20 i think and i was like this dude might be asking a lot out of me...so i told him the “this is on me i don’t feel ready and not sure how i feel” spiel. and that was history. i honestly don’t know what he is doing now but he was really nice. i felt no malicious intentions from me, i just wasn’t ready to move forward w him. the first nice guy i ever let down bruh. ugh.i hope you’re doing well now though.  

mars -- LEVEL 5. fuck me i hate this chapter SO MUCH lmao. so many drunk cries and just cries in general post this whole... like chapter. but lets start off with why i liked you: handsome as hell, close to your family, athletic, hustled, SO MF KIND EVEN WHEN I WAS BEING CRAZY, a great homie and bf quality, gave me the false hope of like “yeah ill see if i can come through” “ill let you know when i listen to this” the forever ILL LET YOU KNOWS but still views my stories and still doesn’t let me know mentality.... you never initiated any of our convos. i was STRAIGHT pursuing you even though i didn’t believe that you’d change your mind about just seeing me as a friend. you made that clear to me from the start but i didn’t take that as an answer LOL which is why i was so crazy to keep hanging out with you... even tho you were super busy and i felt like a burden you STILL made time with me, whether that was peruvian food, or thursday nightlife followed by dancing at a bar together (which i ruined when you took me home and asked you about your love language lmao), souvla, and then our final time of seeing each other: san tung and tpumps. what a fucking few months that was...only to come out of it with another girlfriend with the same name as me. LIKE WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS. i still can’t believe it till this day. my gosh you were so nice to me mars. such a great homie. and i wasnt empathetic or smart enough to make diff decisions to retain what we had...but im happy that you’re happy with mika. other mika. yeah. man i never felt so in the dark when going through this time, this was so rough. i wasn’t eating, i’d cry in bed for days, it was so bad. i’d like to say that I’m healed from that though. lol to burning the shirt which honestly i should have kept bc it was a cute shirt.. but yeah. thank you.

gill -- level 1. lol you were dumb to think i was attractive enough to dance with at the soulection event. we exchange numbers and i think because i told you i was 21, you backed off. lol guess i was a fetus then. still am. lmao. we text for a bit but then i find out you tried to get into arcilla’s pants?? lMAO. oh and then i see you at that pool party, saw you talking to other girls and i broke DOWN bc i was crossed as hell LOL sorry ate kayla that you had to take me home that day LOL ugh i hate myself for that night. and then i see you right in front of me at OSL. in 2019?? for childish?? that was such weird weird fate. thank god you didn’t recognize me (i had long black hair there, you remembered me with short brown hair plus it was dark). i just thought it was crazy. uhm you had the fuckboy vibe and look on point.. knew everything about soulection. family oriented. but it just fizzled bc i blocked you and then just stopped talking to you lol.

*****chris l/frankie -- level 1. again i cringe at how dramatic i pursued yall sorta as crushes but for sure bc yall were soulcycle and about fitness YES bodies 10/10 and you understood soul. but omg chris pls get ur life together (which is what it seems like ur doing??) and frankie well you’ve been having your life together being married and all so0o0o0 im trash for crushing lmao BUT IM GLAD THATS ALL IN THE PAST AND THAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN i think lmao

rex -- level 0.5. lmfao you were dumb you’re gonna keep looking at me and emily only for me to make the move in letting you know i was interested, follow you on ig, and then you block me?? weirdo. bye.

MY HINGE BOYS </3 

Max -- level 3. oh maximus lmao. we talked for a whole month and what a pleasure it was to text you every day, receive and send memes, curate playlists, be w/ each other at different events... only for it to end after we netflix party/facetime where i don’t feel the kilig i’d feel when texting you. so i told you i wanted to be friends. and then i try to still reach out and be friends, but i got delayed responses to no responses. and now you just, look at my stories? lmao i know it don’t mean shit to look and you recently liked my post, but i feel like i invested a lot into our quarantine reality. you had GREAT music taste (even tho ur playlist was a lil questionable), for all i know you were just telling me things to like get you on my good side, motivated, privileged......... yeah. i hope you find your 5′0 qt rave queen that can go to events with u

KEVIN -- level 1. lmfao honestly you SUCK hahaha even with the benefit of the doubt, it does not take 10 hours to reply...even if you are busy at work NICK AND MAX WERE ABLE TO!!! you were spotty to begin with but then we netflix party and then you dont talk to me anymore after i ask if we could exchange music playlists? i didnt even ask u to be my boyfriend its a fucking playlist.... we talked about music so much. ugh BOYS ARE SO DUMB LIKE SERIOUSLY. hope amazon treats ya right

NICK -- level 4. ugh. ughguhgughgh. i liked you because your profile/resume was all my criteria: music taste A1 bc of bryson, i hated mint chip, i loved spongebob (even tho you NEVER sent me spongebob memes fuck u), you were hapa (he he but fuck u) (i laugh while typing this i am so dum), uhm. yeah. we talked everyday consistently for two weeks. you were such a joy to text bc you were funny (i was funny too), even tho it was hard to keep the convo going w you at times in the beginning because you never inquired about me at times. max did. its like you were better than mars, but not like A+ in replying like max was. you never really flirted with me? lmao i mean even those attempts of me tryna bait you, i always got... friend vibes. benefit of the doubt maybe you just didn’t know how to flirt but you had posts of your past relationship up on your feed so you cant tell me that that exp did not have you pursue a girl and flirt her up. to me, there was no initiative from you. i was chasing you for sure. this dating life is a two way street -- life doesn’t work where one pursues you only otherwise like no. bet if i went the fuckboi approach, gave you lame responds would you have kept the convo going? prolly not bc ur a cancer and want to feel needed. the only thing ill commend you on is when you’d apologize for delays in text messages but then you kinda stopped that. like understand i should also feel like i should be pursued and never did i feel that i felt like you just responded just to respond... like you’re a cancer its in your nature to dive deep and ask deep questions but you never did, you were the type to play video games with your pals LMAO and like/????/? me understanding gamer life i was like YES this boy gets me but like CMON. lol so many things. ok maybe i am reading too into this but this is the freshest heartache :/ you never like told me i was cute or anything like... max made remarks about my looks and you never did. i mean cool maybe you were just vibing off my energy but i just now question if you were actually interested in me? bc i was trying so hard to make you like me. every meme, was a move. you didnt play your cards right!! its like i kept hitting you with plus fours, and then all you’d put down is the same color number card. where was the fun in that? it was super effortless but anxiety filling for me at the same time bc i was convinced that you were the one. :’/ super good news to hear that you wanted to meet virtually literally NO EXPECTATIONS but then monday rolls around, you dont text me the whole day, i check in at 530, you tell me you go to costco instead and want to reschedule bc you thought i was ghosting you????? wtf did u just like expect me to just call u right at 7 and expect u to be ready?? max texted me after work and was like “we still on right?” so i was high key expecting that from you bc 1. show interest and 2. take initiative but you DIDN’T!! so i was honest in telling you how i felt but kept it light and asked to reschedule. you take forever to reply, but when you do you tell me it was silly OF ME to think you were supposed to confirm it which i get i initiated it i shoulda texted you earlier (but what if i had the worst day ever and couldn’t text you??? would you have just let it be and not text me anymore bc you assumed i ghosted you???) you also said that you thought maybe it was too quick to assume that i ghosted you which is YES tru. however i was not going to apologize for not texting you earlier and waiting for you to reply bc boy, that was on you to make a move to double check. if i was in your shoes i woulda texted. that would indicate to me that oh wow this boy is making sure we are meeting and confirming! even drop a hey hows your day you excited for tonight? i made it obvious to hype you up on your photos and everything, you just were like wow your photos are so good! wow i hope you posted that picture! like idk. i kept it light bc i still really wanted to meet you, and just wanted to attribute this small ass thing as a misunderstanding between the two of us but after long hours of making me wait, you decide you don’t want to reschedule because you were unsure of how you were feeling and that you couldn't put your all in and said sorry. no sentiment towards wanting to be friends just a straight goodbye which basically meant, in harsher terms im prolly not as down as you are for me and maybe i am nervous to meet u (idk ill never know if you were) anddd im not interested anymore bc you’re crazy and ME being the womyn that i am ended up being the mature one and said the goodbye hope you have a good life without me text and then our lovestory ended lololol what a great two weeks am i right? honestly maybe you still need to do some growing buddy but relationships are not easy going they are a two way street but also ill never know maybe you were just texting me just to text me and you still wanted to be the nice guy bc you were scared of how invested things would be post call so you call it off and it was just in the moment for you to be down but then have it change on another day.... i woke up in a better headpsace today about how this turned out but like god fucking dammit i had high hopes for you you infj CANCER. *squidward voice* so thanks. thanks for NOTHING (this is when you start your spongebob dialogue of all how to get everyone on board for practicing for the bubble bowl and sing sweet victory)

so, the end LOL basically. to all the boys who will never love me, ultimately thank you for being a part of my life. thank you srsly. thank you for making me exp the pain, the kilig, the uh everything. growing pains these are, but at the end of the day, i hope you have a good life. whether or not we cross paths again this gives me clarity as to what i’m looking for and what i deserve. this goalgetting, resilient, funny, hardworking, awkward but in the best way pinay is a force to be reckoned with!!! she has the best support system out there!!! she has so much to live for because she is determined to not let down anyone counting on her!!!! so fuck u for missing out on that!!!

k. my ideal man list is coming soon. until then... see ya later.

xoxo,

Mika (allison to some)

[kinktae]

holy crap!! I just noticed y/n’s family in bitchin is like stranger things !!!! I love that sm omg love it so far btw ♡

YESSSS thank u for noticing!! I have a lot of fun with writing bitchin i do hehe

(warning: literal 80 asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: not @ me reading bitchin’ during math literally SLAMMING YHE DESK

crystalsnowd said: I LOVED BITCHINNNN OMG UR SO TALENTED I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART

Anonymous said: I was going to stay up to wait for Bitchin but I went to sleep instead because today is my first day of school (second year of university) so I decided to get sleep while I still could. Also I read the update on the train sitting next to a random lady and I really hope she didn’t look over at my phone lol. I loved the update and I can’t wait for the rest of the series!!!

Anonymous said: OMG BITCHIN WAS SO GOOD! You're such an amazing writer!!!

jun-sohyunnie-dotnet said: Just an fyi, bitchin' jk is my FAVORITE jk I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Ever. He could stomp all over me and I'd thank him profusely. (And you're writing is absolutely captivating 🥺💕💕)

sugarkinky said: Bitchin just wrecked me for real, U ARE AWESOME ROSE mierda que te amo chica ¿cómo consigues escribir así? Eres perfecta ❤

Anonymous said: Bruh bitchin was everything I wanted and more thank u baby

Anonymous said: Bitchin’ is amazing! I have so many feelings ahhhh!!! I love you and your work 🥺

awkwardaegyo said: YOU HAVE GOT ME SO THIRSTY FOR JUNGKOOK FUCKIN PARCHED D-HYDRATED IF YOU WILL BITCHIN HAS GOT ME FUCKEC UP!!!!!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' is literally my favourite fic right now, it's so good! 😍 Can't wait for the next part!!

gardenofrosesx said: Im in love with bitchin 🥺💗 I think that the song that represent it so well is Wait a minute by Willow Smith, every time a hear it I imagine this fic💗 I send you thousands of good vibes and love and peace to your side! Keep going 💗

Anonymous said: Ahhhh I just wanted to say bitchin is absolutely amazing and is so well written and I’m just completely hooked!!! YOU DID AMAZING!!! Also is there gonna be angst in future chapters BECAUSE IM REALLY NOT READY IF BOTH JUNGKOOK AND OC DENY THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER

Anonymous said: girl, I finally got around to reading bitchin' and I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T READ IT SOONER. it's been a while since I've found a chaptered fic that kept my interests but I was hooked with pt 1!!! I love your spin on tatbilb, and I love the characters you created. I have to honestly say, I'm also absolutely in love with the way you write. your descriptions and dialogue hit me in all the right places. I can't wait to see where this story takes me. thank you for doing what you do!

Anonymous said: Love Bitchin so far!

Anonymous said: i keep rereading bitchin pt. 5😭😭 love it so much

Anonymous said: hi!! I just wanted to leave an ask and let you know that you’re one of my absolute favorite authors and your work is incredible!! the concept behind your rewind series is so unique and interesting and all of the stories have been wonderful so far. I’m so looking forward to the rest of bitchin’ because it has been so so so good and I love the way that you’re developing the characters and the plot. I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Anonymous said: just finished bitchin 5 and ................ i cant believe how ure able to write jungkook to Life and characterize him in such an attractive way it makes it so artistic and aknejdjdj it’s art it’s everything

Anonymous said: Argh the grind is real! I’m about to start my exams too so we can both be working our asses off! Also Bitchin is such a great series and I wanted to let you know you’re an amazing writer!!! The series made me so emotionally invested in the characters and I can’t get enough of it!! ITS SO GOOODDD THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH A MASTERPIECE

sanniinnas said: Hiii! Love your writings soo much! You have such a talent with words! You inspire me as a writer and make me want to learn writing and English better.

Anonymous said: I am seriously laughing from the asks that have been send to you and i cannot wait to read the ff because now i am busy :( also random fact, my biology teacher told us aboit Rosa Franklin and i already knew about her, and all i could keep thinking was bitchin pt5 and i started laughing. They thought i was a maniac 😎🤙

Anonymous said: just wanted to say bitchin’ is *chefs kiss* and i can’t wait for part 7 🥺 i’m not trynna rush you i’m just excited 🥺

nochusbutt said: okay but FIRST OF ALL, YES BITCHIN’ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. secondly, my name is Rose too I’m so, what? omg yes I literally share a name with a legend. quote me!! 🥰☺️🤪

Anonymous said: Ahhh I am so excited for Bitchin Pt 6!!! No exaggeration this is my all time favorite fic, I think ab it a lot honestly. Whenever I see 80s aesthetic BTS edits I think of Bitchin and lots of love songs make me think of this fic too. I’m not a huge fan of smut but this fic is just so good. The OCs and Jks interactions are precious and I’m obsessed with the 80s theme! I am a huge fan of angst so I am ready to cry my eyes out. Thank you for writing this amazing fic

Anonymous said: aight...time to go re-read bitchin again ....[insert /ah shit, here we go again/ video]

Anonymous said: I CANT WAIT FOR BITCHIN

hear-me-growl said: Wait! Bitchin' is not done?! It's one of my favourite fics ever! I love the whole cliche college vibe, the dialogues are sooo good and the chemistry between Jk and the girl it's just perfect, really. And now you tell me it's not finished.😱 I AM SO EXCITED! you've made my day! Keep up the good work, you are amazing 😍

Anonymous said: AAAAAAAA THE BITCHIN UPDATE WAS SO GOOD !!!!! but also Kiri that bItCh y/n don’t fall for it 🤡😩

Anonymous said: i want sleep but BITCHIN

Anonymous said: IM PUMPED FOR BITCHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Anonymous said: Thankyou for updating bitchin sis!!!! But im so sad because this is their first fight(?) i hope they can talk about it and hoping kiri doesnt talk nonsense tp y/n ok :( but I AM GLAD JUNGKOOK REALIZE HE LIKES OC OKEY OKEY! 💜💜💜 sending 💜💜💜💜 to you because you deserve it👏🏼

diortae said: rose I have class in a few minutes and all I can think about is how much I want bitchin jk to raw me what have u DONE

Anonymous said: BITCHIN WAS GREATTTT 🥰 RLLY CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTT 🥺🥺

sunnyoongles said: bitchin is literally so good*chefs kiss* i love angst*chefs kiss* i love drama*chefs kiss* i just love the whole rewind series*chefs kiss*

Anonymous said: BITCHIN’ PART 6 EXCUSE ME STOP TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST

ppampin said: so yesterday i read bitchin pt. 6 three times in a row because it was just so good and now i can't wait to pt. 7 to come out

Anonymous said: Finally got to read bitchin 6, WTF IS GOING ON!? I’m so confused!! Do I trust my so called boyfriend or do I trust “girl code” by my boo’s ex who tried to scare me away from my boo the first time we met ??!!?

Anonymous said: i really need to know something about bitchin 🤔 is kiri a bitch or we don't have feminine rivalry here? help me out rose

Anonymous said: It is almost 1 am in here and I have a morning class but guess who is gonna binge re read all the Bitchin because the last chapter was so good?? 🤔

Anonymous said: I’m so ready for you to break our hearts in bitchin. I live for the angst 😭😭😪

Anonymous said: Rose you are KILLING ME with this story like I'm not even caught up on my favorite TV shows this week but goddammit I still made time for Bitchin' 💕💕💕

cheeky-kookie said: Girl I am sooooo fucking happy with Bitchin' 6. Like I love the small progressions Jungkook is having coming to terms with his actual feelings with Y/N. Also btw, loving the whole Yara/Tae moments going on ;) As always, I'm in love. Thank you for blessing us with this masterpiece

Anonymous said: Rosie !! I just read Bitchin’ and BIIIIITCH you have my feelings on a rollercoaster !!!!!! I’ve never been so invested in a fanfic like this and imma tell you how much I appreciate you for putting your work out on the internet. Especially for free like wtf ! Your writings are some quaLITY shit that I would purchase without hesitation 👌🏽👏🏽 I was wondering if you ever considered going into the writing career ? Anyways have a lovely day 💛💛 -MC

Anonymous said: This ch 6 getting all the attention away from my precious zombie Jungkook 😤 But who am I to say I love Bitchin😂😍 This Kiri better not be playing dirty games we are already not in good terms with her 🧐 And why is nobody talking about the fact that Y/N finally got her event she dreamed of?? Congrats girlll 🎊🎉🥳👌👏

Anonymous said: EXCUSE ME DID I READ THAT U SAID BITCHIN WILL BE ANGSTY FROM HERE ON OUT WBAT MY HEART I CANG FJSHSHDJS

sapphireprinces5 said: I am 1000% not ready for angst between the precious y/n and Jungkook in Bitchin’ omfg i’m honestly terrified and going to buy some tissues from the cvs across the street

Anonymous said: I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN 6 AND JUNGKOOK PLS TELL ME THAT JUNGKOOK IS OVER KIRI )))): he couldn’t have been lying about the way he felt for y/n even though it was reheated, right??? I’m SADD. But Rose, you are so beyond talented!!! I love reading your works!!!

Anonymous said: Ok, Rose you gotta let me know if Bitchin’ will have a happy ending, because I don’t know if my emotions can handle an upseti spaghetti ending. Anywho I love you and your writing, everything is chefs kiss. 💗

Anonymous said: bitchin will have 10 parts?????? ma'am u got the power

Anonymous said: OKAY SO BITCHIN’ IS AMAZING AND LIKE— I LOVE (1) DUMB “”””COUPLE”””” Your writing is amazing omg

Anonymous said: Me: already read bitchin completely You: reblogs pt.6 Me: a little refresher wouldn’t hurt 👀

Anonymous said: I wish u the best during your hiatus!!! Take lots of care bby :3 Just wanted to tell you how much I love the 'Bitchin' series, I'm shooketa at how well written it is. Y/N is a really refreshing character, especially as an STEM major myself, it's so relatable to some extent, especially when it comes to appreciating compliments about your inteligence, that really got me, since it's kinda unsual. I hope I found a Jungkook one day then :') jk, but really, I absolutely loved it, you're the best!!!

Anonymous said: hi just so u r aware if u make the end of bitchin’ sad i will cry. that will be on u. my tears will be UR fault.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to say thank you. when bitchin’ came out, there was a part where y/n talks about why she hated her twin sisters. it was comforting to know that i wasn’t alone in feeling uncool or boring. i never brought up my brother because i thought people would see how uncool i was and so i put my effort into school instead. thanks for bringing me comfort and for pushing me to love myself more and to change my viewpoints on the parts of myself i view as boring!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛🌼

this made me :’))) i love knowing that you can find comfort in my characters!!! there is a little piece of me in all my characters but I do try to make them all somewhat different so that other people can relate. best of luck lovely!!

purplealiensblog said: Yo ily and cant wait for the next chapter of bitchin but i have to share: i got a notif on a new chapter and was all excited and then i discover its tumblr being glitchy again and notifying me on the last one :( i hope you will find time soon to write the rest and thank you for writing i love your work🥰♥️

Anonymous said: BITCH I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN IN JUST ONE DAY AND NOW I’M CRYING BECAUSE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME!!!.!.!.! (also sorry my bad englisheu i’m not native lmao)

Anonymous said: HELLO LOVELY AAAAAAAA IM HAPPY YOURE BACK 😩 are u reallyback tho? Hehe im so shookt with the new chapter of bitchin’ has me yearning for more😭 im def a proud bitchinator😔👏 tHANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS😃 WE LOVE U!!!!💜 we MISSED YOU!! 💜 i hope u are loved and happy and cared for! 💜K

Anonymous said: Hi there !!I hope your doing well ! Taking your time to recover and work on yourself I literally just finshed bitchin to the last update and oof I just gotta tell you what the f How do you write the characters so well... I love me some good characterization like oof ICANNOT JJK IS SO I WANNA SMOOSH HIM IN MY ARMS LIKE PLEASE THE STORY IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HAHA I HOPE IM NOT SCARING YOU WITHMY CAPSLOCK I just wish to sincerely get my excitement across hahaha I love you boo take care x

nonecesitodenadie said: I rarely send asks but... I'm reading bitchin and I'M LOVING IT, really it's amazing i hope that you can continue it, i send you much love and thanks for your work you're so talented 🥺❤️

Anonymous said: can i just say bitchin' is honest to god such a good good good fic like i'm so in l*ve with it 😩 i've probably reread it thrice waiting for a new update ): i also happen to love your other works so much as well!!

sydney--chan said: Okay so no cap yesterday I was talking to my friend (who also reads your work) about me and my bf n she was like "he loves you the way Bitchin' jk loves Y/N aND I SOBBED ROSE IT MADE ME CRY FOR HOURS

usagionthem00n said: Lol I know you’ve been kinda quiet on here BUT IM HERE TO PLATONICALLY HARASS U???(tbh idk I’m just trying to find a reason to bother you) I-I miss u 👉👈 HOPE THIS POST MADE U SMILE ILL BE BACK BITCH (Um speaking of bitches I still need to join the bitchinators :/) I PROMISE ILL GET TO IT!!!

Anonymous said: HIIII! so, one night I spent about two hours trying to find another great Jungkook story... I was losing hope in finding one BUT THEN I FOUND “BITCHIN” and omg it’s amazing, I absolutely love it!!!!! take care always, have a great day!! thank you for creating such a beautiful story.

Anonymous said: Can I just say.... bitchin is so good! like it’s been so long since I’ve liked a fic as much as bitchin??!!? Everything about it has me like :)))) so yes just wanted to let u know hehe

Anonymous said: IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED W THE “BITCHIN” SERIES YOU DONT EVEN KNOW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺����🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

SO MANY OF U LOVIN ON BITCHIN!! MAYHAPS IM OVERWHELMED (in the best way possible). Thank u everyone who sent an ask in, i am the happiest bean in bed rn reading all these asks C:

[tommyquackson]

Love Shouldn’t Hurt | p. parker |

summary: love is gentle, patient and kind. but what do you do when it’s not?

warnings: angst, so much, domestic abuse, abusive relationship, lil bit of blood, fluff at the end

note: this is a pretty serious topic, and it could trigger some people so please be careful reading it....also i love you all and if you ever need to talk i’m here

Love was supposed to be gentle and kind and patient and trusting but most importantly, love should never leave you hurt and questioning why. Sure, it hurt when you would break up with old boyfriend you thought you loved but this wasn’t the same. This was yellow and purple bruises covered in jean jackets and leggings, this was deep bags from not sleeping covered in concealer and setting powder. This was weight going down from strict dieting in an attempt to be whatever he wants. This was not love, but you’d realized that far too late. That’s how it always happens though isn’t it? Too late.

You’d tried to tell him, maybe he’d let up on the swings he was always so ready to give, maybe he’d change, you needed him to change.

But it doesn’t seem like he will, you don’t see it, but you hear it. Blunt force and a groan, the second you do see it, it almost makes you sick. Blood and a hole in the wall, not the first nor the last. You beg to help, but it ends in refusal and a shove backwards. You only breathe when the door is slammed. This is no way to live, no way to be. You can’t continue on like this, not with him.

Your phone rings, you look down and it’s your best friend, he’s gotten you in trouble many times before and you know only more trouble will come.

“Hey Pete”

“Hey y/n/n, wanna come hang out with me, ned and Mj. We’re having a minecraft game night, we all miss you.”

“Umm, i think i was supposed to make dinner for Nate, but i’ll ask and text you okay?”

“Yep, take your time. See ya”

You breathe out again, now how were you going to get to your best friends. You haven’t seen them in a while, you missed them and you desperately needed to tell them. You decide a lie is the best way around, you’ll deal with the consequences later, your friends are worth it.

hey babe, my sister needs me to babysit tonight, i’ll have your dinner in the fridge but i’ll probably be gone by the time you get back. i love you and i’ll see you in the morning.

You send the text and begin making Nate’s food. Once it’s done, you rush to your room to get ready, leggings and a t-shirt with a jean jacket over it. You put on some concealer and lipgloss.

You grab your keys and begin the drive to peter and ned’s apartment. You walk up and knock on the door. You open it and see Mj in her pajama shorts and t-shirt.

“Y/n!” She pulls you into a tight hug and you do your best to hide your pain.

She pulls you inside and sits you on the couch. It all feels so highschool. You were just happy your friends weren’t too busy to be teenagers again. You talk with everyone for a while, setting up the game to play and make sure everyone’s got snacks.

“I-uh I really need to talk to you guys. It’s um- a couple things actually”

“What’s up? You can tell us anything” Peter says placing a hand on your knee. Your face heats up and your beats a little faster.

“First thing, i’m uh- me and Nate, he doesn’t know yet and i’m not even sure if i’m gonna tell him cause i don’t know what i’m gonna do but, um. I’m pregnant” You whisper the last part. your stomach tightens at the silence in the room. You can practically feel everyone’s emotions waving around.

“Congrats y/n, but why don’t you seem excited” Mj speaks first.

“Nate, he likes to be in control and he doesn’t really know how to calm down when he doesn’t get his way-“

“Y/n, does he hit you?” Ned interrupts

All eyes are trained on you in anger and hope.

“Take your jacket off” Peter demands

“Pete, please I”

“Y/n, please take your jacket off” He speaks in the same calm, stern demeanor

You slowly and shakily shed the jacket off of you and focus on folding it, painfully aware of everyone staring the bruises on your wrists and arms.

Peter says nothing but pulls your head into his chest and wraps his arms around you. Mj hugs you from behind and puts he head on your back. Ned comes from the side and pulls everyone together.

Your resolve chips away until your balling on peters shirt. Crying and begging for their forgiveness.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, you’re gonna stay here with us. Or with Mj, i’ll get your things back tomorrow. You’re safe here. We can figure out the baby tomorrow but tonight, you’re our best friend and we’re gonna play the hell out of minecraft.” Peter says holding your face.

You nod and wipe away the tears, grabbing a controller and begin collecting materials to build a house.

For a few hours, you forgot about your situation, forgot that there’s was a 200 pound wall of anger at your house, waiting. But once everyone falls asleep, you remember. You decide to call, he read your text but never answered

“hey baby, you okay?” The first thing you hear when you pick up the phone. You smile, this is why you stay, he loves you, you just know it.

“Yea im okay, i just wanted to call, and um I wanted to wait to tell you but i’m so excited. We’re gonna have a baby.” You gush walking into the bathroom.

It’s silence on the other side of the line.

“You sure? You’re pregnant?”

“Well I took 4 tests and they all said positive so-“

“No, I don’t want it.”

Your world stops, the world where Nate loves you, where he’s soft and caring, it stops and falls out of the sky.

“Nate, it’s-“

“I said I don’t fucking want it. Just- get home, I don’t wanna talk about this over the phone.” He hangs up and now you can’t breathe. You had to be home. Your stomach lurches and you heave into the toilet and throw up your snacks. You stand up and rinse your mouth.

You walk back to where everyone is sleeping.

“Pete?” You whisper, nudging your best friend. He groans and turns towards you.

“I- I have to go home. Can you come with me?” You whisper, looking down at your nails.

“Of course, Is he home?” He asks sitting up. You nod a little bit and look at him.

“He doesn’t want it, the baby.”

“Then you can’t go alone!” Mj shoots up, you forgot she’s a light sleeper.

“You can come with me, but stay in the car. I told him i was at my sisters” You stand up as Peter wakes up Ned.

You all pile into your small car and begin the drive home. You unbuckle, and call MJ so that everyone will be able to hear everything and can come inside if you need them.

You unlock the door and step inside, Nate on the couch with a beer.

“Hey babe-“

“How long have you known?”

“What? Oh I found out yesterday” You walk around and sit near him on the couch.

“Tomorrow will go see about an abortion.” He looks in your eyes and clenches his jaw.

“Babe, can we talk about this? I wanna have this baby, sure it’s not the best circumstances but I think-“

“What makes you think I wanna have kids with you? You really think you’d be a good mother? You can’t even do what I ask.” He growls at you, slamming his bottle down.

“Nate-“

“This is not a debate y/n. For fucks sake, do you ever shut up?”

“It’s my baby Nate” A mistake, saying that was a big ol mistake but you need to stick up for yourself.

He grabs your jaw and pinches your face tight.

“You’re mine, do you fucking understand that, you don’t so much as fucking breathe unless I say you can”

“Nate please, you’re hurting me” You whimper

He laughs and shoved your face away from his.

“How did we get like this nate? I don’t even know you anymore. Do you remember when we first started dating? You brought me flowers all the time-“

“Shut up”

“You cuddled me and told me you loved me, brought me on cute dates and-“

“I said shut the hell up y/n”

“When we were at crowded parties, you would point out all the things I was much more beautiful than, even the stars-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” He throws his beer bottle and grabs your forearm. He pushes you against the wall.

“I CHANGED BECAUSE I RELAIZED HOW PATHETIC YOU REALLY ARE! Look at you, i bet you’re still waiting for some prince charming to save you, get over yourself bitch. This is life, real fucking life. The only way you’re getting out of here is in a fucking body bag.” He spits at you and pushes you back into the wall again.

“Nate please”

He punches you in the jaw and you scream.

“You’re not the same Nate, i thought i knew you” You cry out.

The door slams open and Peter, Ned and Mj are standing there. Mj runs over to you and holds you close to her.

“Don’t fucking touch her” Peter says lowly

“Really y/n? What you’ve been cheating on me, fucking slut” He spits at you.

Peter punches him in his jaw and sends him through the wall. You always forget Peter has super human strength.

“Where are your things y/n?” Ned asks as Peter drags Nate outside in the front porch and Mj dials 911.

“Upstairs, second door on the left.” You whimper out. MJ helps you stand and walks you upstairs. You all begin packing your things when you hear sirens. Peter rushes up.

“They’ve got him, you’re gonna have to go to the police station to give a statement but we’ll be there the whole time.” He grabs your face and kisses your forehead.

You nod and finish packing all your things. Ned and Mj carry them to your car, while you and Peter go with an officer to the police station.

9 months, 2 court dates, and several therapy and doctor appointments, you’re almost happy again. You feel so much better, but you know there’s still a long way to go.

You currently lived with Peter and would continue living with him. He made you happy, he always made you feel loved and comfortable. His love his patient and kind and true and gentle.

Your baby could come any minute now, seeing as you’re in the hospital 6cm dilated. You’re surrounded by your best friends and family.

Once the baby is delivered, you get to hold it.

“Congratulations, it’s a healthy baby boy” Your midwife says handing him to you. You wipe your tears so you can see your son clearly.

“Hey little man, I’m your mommy. And that’s your daddy. That’s your god mom Mj, your uncle Ned, that’s your grandma and that’s your auntie. You are so loved baby, you will never have to worry about if you’re ever loved okay? We’ve got you.” You hold him to your chest and coo at him. You allow Mj to hold him while the doctors come in.

“Alright, time for the Birth Certificate. What’s our babies name?”

“Benji Oliver Parker”

“Beautiful, and do we have a father to sign for him?”

“Peter, do you uh, you wanna sign?” You ask, peters head shoots up. He nods and wipes his tears and his sweaty palms.

Peter was just excited as you to raise this child, you’re forever grateful for his love and care.

“Perfect, I’m gonna take the baby to get some tests done. nothing scary. He’ll be back in about an hour. So feel free to get food, Mama get some rest and i’ll check in soon.” A nurse says placing Benji in his carrier and rolling him out.

It was quite amazing how your life can change so drastically in just a few months.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Secrets part 2

Fandom: IT Characters: Reg, Vic, Henry, Patrick Relationship: Reg/reader Request: Awwww, this was cute. Stupid (reg, you're an idiot) but cute. A couple spelling/grammar issues but not enough to really RUIN the flow, just a couple hiccups. I'd love a "part two" where we actually see them walk into school holding hands+reg introducing you to the group. Oooooo... I kinda, also, wanna see how it all went down too! Like, the boys showed up and reader got shoved out the back. Reg said that Patrick went upstairs and discovered reader's clothes. I kinda wanna see Reg's thoughts from the kitchen scene onwards. Like he realizes the boys are here, kicks her out the back, he thinks everything's good, then Patrick goes upstairs and finds her underwear, Reg mentally freaks out before he explains, then the boys all "congratulate him on getting laid" and tell him they wanna meet her xP ... I just got waaaay too into this xD AN: part 1: http://littlebitoffanfic.tumblr.com/post/183504437734/secrets “You’re beautiful. “ He mumbled as he buried his face into your neck, enjoying the smell mixture of sex and him on your skin. The soft giggle that left your lips made his heart race. Not matter how many times he managed to make you laugh, he still took some form of pride in it. When you twisted in his arms to kiss him, it made his whole body tense up. He couldn’t even begin to count how many times you had kiss him but he cherished every one. Forcing himself to relax so he could kiss you back, enjoying how the kiss seemed to be a little more lazy and laid back than normal. It was normally a good sign that you were satisfied and happy. IN a moment, his world was perfect. But then he heard them. He snapped back from the kiss. They had never been quiet people. He could heard Patricks cracking from a mile away. Shit. His mind began to race as he froze up. He fought so hard to keep you away from the guys, but he never thought they would come to his house tonight. He didn’t tell them his mother was away and it was late. There was no real reason for them to come for him. He knew there was no point try to figure out why they were here when he heard your voice, pulling him back into the room. “Baby?” but then you froze, hearing what he had heard. Reg’s eyes fell on your appearance. Your flushed cheeks, the soft bite marks on your neck and shoulders that would have been gone by school, his shirt which draped off your shoulder and only really covered the bare minimum. He needed to get you out of here. Henry and Vic would be bad enough, but Patrick was something completely different. If they came in, saw you and even if they left straight away, he was sure the news would get around the school quickly. Sure, he would be fine, just getting a pat on the back, but you would probably be branded a slut. It was the way things worked at school. The guys gets the glory and the girls gets degraded unless theres already a relationship there and everyone knew about it. You were sweet and soft, popular to the point that you slipped under the radar of the gang for not being a loser but not popular enough for everyone to pay attention to you. And that’s how you liked it. He didn’t want to cause you any issues or to hurt your reputation. Reg did the only thing he could think off as he moved across the kitchen, away from you to grab some clothes. “You have to go.” Reg told you, not meaning to snap but he couldn’t take it back now. “w-what?” You gasped at him and he felt your eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. “Its dark and the middle of winter. It was fucking snowing yesterday. And im only wearing this!” You gestured to the top you wore as Reg started to pull on some of the clothes. “im sorry, I really am. But-“ He was cut off when the sound of the front door opening and Patrick called into the house. “Belch!” Fear flooded through Regs body as he did the only thing that made any sense in that moment. He moved quickly to you, grabbed your wrists and shoved you out the back door. Guilt flooded through his body when he saw the shocked and hurt in your eyes. he couldn’t take it, pulling the curtain across the door. It was partly so the guys wouldn’t see you, but also so he couldn’t. Maybe, if he had had more time, he might have been able to devise a better plan. But this was the best he could do. Before he could give any more thought to it, Patrick, Henry and Vic came into the kitchen. “We shouted on you.” Henry partly scolded but Reg understood why they were here. Henry had a new and particularly nasty bruise on his forehead and leading down to his eye which was blackened. His father had kicked him out again. “You want some ice?” Reg offered and Henry gave a single nod. If anyone else had been around, henry would have refused. Reg went to his freezer and pulled out a bag of ice. He grabbed a clean towel and took a handful of the ice, placing it in the centre of the towel. He wrapped it up and gave the cold bundle to Henry. He took it with a small nod of appreciation. “You’re mom not in?” Vic asked, glancing around. “No, she had to go away.” Reg shook his head. There was no point in lying. They would have seen her car wasn’t in the driveway. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Patrick whined, looking for any excuse to throw a house party even if it wasn’t his house. “She only decided to go today.” Reg lied. They didn’t need to know that he had known for a little over a week. “well then, I’ll go take a slash in the fancy toilet.” Patrick smirked, head to the stairs as Reg rolled his eyes. The downstairs toilet was small, having been fitted in an old cupboard. The upstairs bathroom, however, was big with both a walk in shower and a bath. Regs mom didn’t like people going to the upstairs one if she was in simply because it was right by the bedrooms and she didn’t want them sticking their heads in to her room. Reg leaned against the side while Vic told him about how Henry had nearly broken his window throwing stones to get his attention. the story caused some laugher from both Reg and Henry but then Reg heard that soft cackle from Patrick which he had learned to hate. Looking at the door to the kitchen, he saw Patrick was back with his hands behind his back. “You’ll never guess what I found?” Patrick looked at Henry and Vic with a raised eyebrow and smirk on his lips. “Belch’s mums pants?” Henry smirked as he joked. Reg rolled his eyes, flipping Henry off. It was a common thing between the group. no matter whos house they were at, it was vics mums dildo, Patricks mums vibrator ect. It was just a joke. “Well, I don’t think they are his moms.” Patrick pulled your pink, lace underwear and matching bra from behind his back. Regs face fell as he felt his heart sink. Patrick was right, they couldn’t possibly be his moms because you were so much smaller than his mom. They had also been on the floor in his room. The kitchen fell silent as all eyes moved to Reg. “Holy shit, dude.” Vic exclaimed, his voice showing shock and admiration. “Who is she?” “Fuck who she is. Where is she?” Henry asked, raising an eyebrow as his eyes darted to the kitchen table. “She left.” Reg chocked out, only because he knew they would tear the house apart to find you. “Without her clothes?” Patrick winked at him and Reg frowned. “No, she had a spare. Had to leave for an emergency.” Reg growled a little, angry and frustrated with Patrick who instantly picked up on it. “I just walked past your room and saw her clothes thrown on the floor. Not my fault you left the door open.” Patrick shrugged and Reg moved from the side to grab your underwear out of Patricks hands. “Congrats on getting laid!” Vic playfully punches Reg in the arm with a smile. “yeah, especially by whoever wears those.” Henry smirks, bringing the pack away from his eye to look at the underwear in his hand. “Thanks.” Reg couldn’t help but smile a little, however wrong it was. He was suddenly bombarded with questions from the group. “Who is she?” “Do we know her?” “Does she go to our school?” “Have you fucked her before?” “was she any good?” “When will you see her again?” “Can we meet her?” “Stop!” Reg demanded as he walked into the living room. They followed him and saw the small bag that was sitting beside the sofa. You had left it there when you had dragged Reg upstairs. He pushed the pieces of clothing into the bag and made a mental note to get the clothes you had left upstairs as well. When he straightened up, he knew he had to answer some of their questions. He considered lying, but then he remembered the day before. you had asked him if he would ever tell his friends about you. You wanted people to know you were dating him because you were proud of the relationship. You didn’t mind sneak about, but it would be nice to go into town together and go to the movies without having to go in separate. He knew you would be angry, but he decided that it would be easier to tell them now. “You know [y/n] from school?” Reg asks, glancing over his shoulder at his friends before turning to them. “the [h/c] girl? The one in your history class?” Vic asks, surprising Reg a little. Vic had always been the most perceptive of the group. “Yeah, its her.” Reg tell him, hoping the others knew who Vic was going on about. “Wait, [y/n]? Shes sleeping with you?” Henry raises an eyebrow and Reg understands what he means. You were hot, and no one would have put you and Reg together. You were the type that would end up with the football players. “Yeah, for a while now.” Reg nodded. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Vic protested, seeming insulted. “Because I know what you guys are like. Shes real sweet and I didn’t want you guys to scare her off.” Reg tell them and Vic give a few nods, apparently agreeing with him. “Well, can we meet her now?” Vic asks. “Shes not here.” Reg frowns, thinking Vic has missed the moments in the kitchen. “No, at school? She can start hanging out with us, if you’s two are a thing.” Vic looks to Henry and Patrick who nod a little. Reg didn’t like the smile that Patrick had, but he knew the others were genuine and would want to meet you. “I don’t know. If things are fine between me and her, sure.” He nods, and the group seems to know that whatever he meant, they probably wouldn’t find out tonight. He would go round to yours in the morning, try and sort things out. He just hoped you would be able to forgive him. -----------time skip (after part 1) --------------- Everyone’s eyes fell on the girl who had stepped out of Regs car. It was almost like you were some celebrity who had just stepped foot in the school. Many of the students knew you, but never would have expected this. Reg walked round the car, a soft smile on his lips. “You okay?” He asks, still unsure if you should be back at school just yet, but you nodded. “Yeah, never better.” You smile. News got around that you had been sick, but no one had put your sickness and Regs absents together. Until they saw you walking hand in hand with Reg into the school. Your heart was hammering in your chest and eyes followed you in shock. But as you looked up at Reg, you noticed he had a new sense of pride in the way he walked iwhrt you by his side. before you even knew what was happening, Reg stopped in front of a group. It took you a moment to realize you were standing in front of the infamous Bowers gang. You had walked past them many times, but normally your eyes were drawn to Reg who would smile a little when he saw you. You never really had to look at the rest of them. now you felt like you were standing in front of the firing squad. “This is [y/n].” Reg took charge of the introduction which you were more than grateful for. “[y/n], that’s Henry, Patrick and Vic.” He pointed to each one respectively as he spoke. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of you then.” Vic smiles at you with a nod. “I mean, you guys saw my underwear. There isn’t much more to see.” You shrug, glancing over your shoulder just to make sure no one was listening too closely. But you were drawn back when the group laughed, finding your sarcasm humorous. You took a spot between Vic and Reg and slipped into the group with ease after that with no more secrets.

[bangtaniess]

exam results come out tonight and I just need to express my emotions 

im so scared. im so scared that I'm going to fail. based on my grades I know theres a very small chance that I will and a much bigger chance that I pass and I keep telling myself that but I can’t help it and its terrible. I hate that I keep worrying about this because its been eating me up inside. I’m just really worried about my bio exam because if I failed that, and I would have had to really done badly in it, then I fail the whole of ib and that means that I can’t go to my first choice of uni. my second choice of uni is okay too and I got a sort of scholarship there so its not as bad, its actually great and those two schools are sort of rivals I guess but im not so bothered about that. I'm not bothered by the fact of having to go to my second choice. its okay too. what I'm most worried about is letting my parents down and most importantly myself. my mom already told me that its okay if I failed, just as long as she knows that I tried hard, which I did. but even if I did fail and she said it was okay, she's still going to be disappointed. before the exams, she was worried for my grades in math and bio, so I got a tutor for math, who helped me a lot - so much that I'm not worried about it anymore. I tried to get one for bio, but I couldn’t and im so fucking angry about this actually. 

if anyone is even reading this im now going to complain about my bio teachers. in the first year of ib, we had the worst bio teacher ever. he did absolutely nothing in class. he would teach us for like 6 minutes and then let us do our own learning for the rest of the lesson. he left the school that year because that dumbass teacher was always drunk and the school found out. he would have like vodka or something in his coffee, which I found out about the following year, which makes a lot of sense now because he was such a crappy teacher. so in the second year, we were totally behind and we knew absolutely nothing. and I don’t do very well with science, especially biology - I regret choosing biology, let alone doing it in hl ffs. our new teacher in the second year was a lot better, she was stricter, which was okay because it pushed us to learn and she actually taught us stuff. due to our last teacher, she was forced to teach us faster and made things more simple in order to teach everything in the syllabus, which I understand but this teacher was always in and out because she was sick most of the time. and she was very forgetful and made us somehow feel guilty for things that she did??!?!! she also complained about us taking up too much of her time, but we were giving up our free time to do extra learning??!??!?! so that doesn't make any sense and it made us scared to approach her. when I needed a tutor, I asked her if she knew of anyone and she said she would ask around and tell me when she found one for me. after a week or so, I followed up, because she still didn’t update me on it, and she said she’ll go ask the other teachers. she said one of the teachers knew of one and she would give me their contact once she receives them but she never did, so I never got a tutor. im so annoyed that she didn’t prioritise that because she said my year (since we were the seniors and needed the most help) were her priority, so I assumed she would do anything to help us out. but im also annoyed that I didn’t keep pestering her about it, because then I would've got what I wanted. without the tutor, I decided to just study harder by myself. near the exam time, she said that she was going to give us all the resources used during class, but guess what she never sent them and I asked her about it a few days before the bio exam. no reply. I go to her on the MORNING of the exam, and she acts like she knows nothing and I know she totally forgot about it, so I ask her again for the resources and also for some help with things I don't understand. she says she will send it, she never does and we do the the exam. the bio exam was my last exam of all exams. I went home from my other exams feeling relieved, but I left that one feeling regretful because I knew there was so much I could have done to make myself more ready for the exam. and I was so upset about it. but I couldn’t let myself be sad about it for the whole month until results, so I forgot about it until the week before results. and now I am here, writing this. and I feel much better just letting my feelings out.

 I don’t like to blame but i really just blame my first teacher, because if we were taught properly from the start, it would have been so much easier to understand things, instead of rushing through content. we were forced in this situation because he didn’t have his shit put together in his personal life, and his lack of care for his job led to our suffering basically. the past two years were going to be a very important time in our high school years obviously because our futures depend highly on our grades and I fucking wish it wasn’t like that. especially for the school that I want to get into. I was already accepted but on the condition that I pass ib. so if I fail ib just because I failed biology I blame mr fucking chad. fuck u for ruining my future because u didn't do your job. my parents didn't pay you to do absolutely fucking nothing anyway my point is, im not even doing something related to biology for my career so I don't understand why its going to have such a big impact on whether I get into my school or not and its just so annoying. 

I had another point earlier where I said that I didn’t want to disappoint myself. I don’t think my parents would be as bothered as I am if I fail, and honestly im glad that as an asian person my parents aren't strict about grades. but I have expectations for myself. my parents are my role models and I want to be as hardworking and successful as them, and thinking about it now, my grades don’t really matter but if they’re not good, they won’t show how hardworking I am, which means I won’t be able to live up to my own standards. does that make sense? I really struggled with biology and I really tried my best and if I fail it means I didn’t work hard enough. im really not passionate about it either which made it harder for me. I just don’t want one class to make me think so badly about everything. I actually am a hard worker because I've been told I was by my teachers and I don’t slack off on work, at least not all the time, so now im just annoyed that I keep thinking about this ugh

in conclusion (lmao), I had and still have many negative thoughts, but I should be thinking positively. in my mock exams I barely studied for bio and got a decent grade which won't make me fail ib, so it should actually be okay. I keep telling myself every once in a while that I will pass, because I worked hard and I did my best, and I honestly don’t think I did that bad, im just paranoid. and even if I do fail, I can work harder and retake my exams. I'll go to my second choice of school, which isn’t that bad, because I thought I was gonna go there anyway because I didn't think I would be accepted into my first choice of school, and I was excited about it nonetheless. and I will get over everything eventually. 

if anyone read this, congrats for reading everything. thanks for reading I guess, I just needed a place to rant. 

[softevan]

We’re Not Who We Used To Be (SOFT Mini Series)

A/N: So I have decided to make a series of scenarios based on specific lyrics from Harry’s songs which I’m so excited about because i’ve been writing all day. Some of them will be smutty, some wont, but ill put the warnings before hand. I want to thank a lot of you who have been supporting of me and my writing. If you have any lyrics requests please don’t hesitate to let me know. But I really hope you like this one, enjoy! -K

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 4K

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Y/N’S POV

This week is the ARIA awards in Australia and Harry has been scheduled to perform. Because he has been on tour and constantly traveling I just think that he needs a few days off instead of going to an awards show. His manager Tommy had insisted on him declining the invitation to the show and have a non hectic couple of days, especially to spend time with me. But of course Harry being Harry he didn’t want to let anyone down and he decided that he wanted to go.

Harry always wanted me to come with him on tour, which is something I would be so happy to do. But my job is always my main priority. Through out our relationship, we had seen that we had been focusing too much on our carers, and neglecting our relationship. With both of our singing carers it was hard. But now with my tour over I’ve decided to take some time off to be with Harry and actually try to be here for him. Its his very first tour with just him and his band and of course he needed me to be there with him. Its not easy being on the stage by yourself, its very intimidating to say the least. But with me travelling with Harry I get to see and experience new things with him, and write new songs along the way. Knowing that Harry feels more at home with me being here for him, and knowing that I give him comfort when he sees me standing at the side singing along to his songs means everything to me. It just makes my heart swell at the thought.

“Babe, its either going to be the Gucci or the Alexander McQueen outfit, just pick one?” Harry came out of the hotels wardrobe with both his hands filled with these unusual coloured suits, with a puzzled look on his face, scrunched eyebrows waiting for my reply. “H you always go for Gucci so wear something different” I looked up at Harry, dragging my concentration from my novel in my hands to him then back to my book. “Okay sold” His cheeky grin spread across his face and put down the suits of the side of the bed, then making his way over to me. “Babe?” His hands sprung up to my book and pulled it away so my attention was on him. “H” I looked up and his face which still had the cheekiest grin on it. “Do you wanna grab something to eat?” “Yeah sure, I actually am quite hungry” “Okay cool” He knelt over me to grab the hotel phone to order in. I yanked the phone out of his hand and put it back to the server. “Do you not want anything?” The confusion setting into his face, I grabbed his chin to pull the smile back and I pushed my fingers into his dimples which I know he loved. “How about we go downstairs to the restaurant and eat? We can look cute and go out for a romantic meal?” “Sweetie I am so washed I cant be bothered going anywhere tonight” He pulled himself onto the side of the bed beside me with a sigh leaving his lips. “Harry its just for an hour or so, we haven’t had dinner together in a while” I looked back around at his face, still with a awkward look to it. “We had dinner yesterday” “Yeah, a salad in the dressing room” I sighed and pushed my body to lay on his chest with my arms wrapped around his waist facing him. “Im sorry it was just a thought, I know your really tired” “Im sorry baby ill make It up to you, when I have a day off we can do whatever you want, I promise” He pulled my forearms up so he could kiss me ever so gently on the lips then across my cheeks to my temples. “So do you want Chinese takeout or Indian?”

The next morning was the rehearsal for the awards show which was tonight, and as usual the preparation is crazy. People running around grabbing the lights, seating arrangements, the routine of the awards, scheduled performances, and of course the celebrities that are there to rehearse. I sat in one of the seats in the audience waiting for to watch Harry’s sound check for tonight when I seen him walking out with six people running after him. He immediately was looking for me in the room and his eyes landed straight on me. I gave a wave and made my way to the front of the stage where the cameras sit. “Hey baby girl” He crouched down kissing me and sat back up. “Hey H, you excited for tonight?” “Yeah I am, ill be fine once the performance is over and I get to sit beside you” I could feel my cheeks burning as if the lights were glaring down heat onto my skin. “I love the way I can still make you blush” “Shut up Harry and get up there” I giggled as I swatted at his shoe giving a smile his way. “Your going to be here right?” “Where else would I be?” He kissed my hand and got up to the band to organise the performance for tonight. “Y/N” I heard a shout from the left of me. I turn around and see Ella, or as most people know her, Lorde, came running to me and greeted me with a hug. “Oh my gosh hey girl no time no see” I screamed when we hugged for more than too long, but not seeing her for ages it made up for lost time. Me and Ella were really good friends when we first got into the industry. We are both signed on the same label and we kind of grew together. But over time obviously with our different lives and fame we kind of grew apart, but of course we still are good friends. “Congrats on the big tour chick” “Aw thank you, I’m just glad that I now have time to see and spend time with Harry, he’s having so much fun and I’m so happy to see him happy” I giggled at her. Her face didn’t rocipacate. “Are you happy though?” “Of course I am why wouldn’t I be?” She pulled her arm out, initiating to take a seat beside her. “Look Y/N I know when your not happy about something, is it Harry?” “No no its not Harry at all” “Then what is it?” I took a deep breath, and just let it out to her. “I don’t know, I just feel like recently we haven’t been as close as what we were before he released his music. Dont get me wrong we are still close, but I mean, I hate to say this, but- I kinda feel like we are growing apart a little” She looked down at my hands that were clawing down my jeans, which might as well have holes in them at this point. “If that’s the way you feel then maybe you should talk to him about it” “Yeah” I look over to Harry that was talking to one of the guitar players in the band, showing him the certain chords on the guitar he wanted played. Looking at him I know I couldn’t do it to him, not here and not when the whole tour is happening. It was crush him. “No, I cant bring it up now, its just, theres too much going on right now” “Well, I do think you need to talk eventually” My gaze went straight back to Lorde, which she had a sympathetic smile to it. She does have a point, but right now, it needs to be shot to the back of my head. My main concern right now s supporting Harry tonight. The chords from Kiwi came on and my full attention went straight to him with the music going straight through my body.

A few hours later I was finally finished hair and makeup when I hear him coming into the room with a few other people talking about the show tonight. I looked at Lou that was telling me a story about Lux and how she has started to take an interest in makeup. “And I said to her no yeh cant use nail polish for eyeshadow, I nearly had a heart attack then” Her accent strong like Harry’s always made me feel more comforted, I’m not sure why. Was probably the accent, which is stupid, but its always the small things for me. “Baby you look beautiful” Harry came over with food in hand and pushed a kiss to my head while Lou was still trying to perfect it. “Harold get away, glam squad here, no boys aloud innit” My face srunched up with laughter seeing Harry’s reaction. “Fine Im leaving, in a huff” He flicked his imaginary hair and walked off to the door. “As long as your huffs over in an hour to come back so I can do your hair you can huff to your hearts content pet” The laughter coming out of me was nearly the worst laugh in history, but the way they get along just makes you want to piss your pants. “You guys are so funny together Lou” “I mean its a pure comical show so yeh cant really get it anywhere else can yeh?” We both giggled and I got up to make my way into get changed.

When we were close to the red carpet of the ARIA’s I start to see Harry tense up a litte beside me, which made my hand glide up his thigh. “Hey youll be fine” “I know love, just not a huge fan of the red carpet bit” “I know, that’s what I’m here for, remember?” My eyes looked up into his nervous ones, reading him is so easy, you just know what he is feeling just by looking at him. “Just keep your eyes on me, right?” “Right” I felt a small kiss to my cheek as I looked back to the window of the car. I sometimes think to myself how can I make him feel better, he should be used to this kind of stuff. He has been doing it longer than what I have been. But then again everyone doesn’t like any of their job do they?

The night went smoothly, no humps or hiccups with the whole night. His performance was outstanding as normal, and on top of that he won best international artist which is amazing. He never gives himself credit for what he has done and want he can do. But then again when I think of myself being an artist I never think that I’m perfect. “I’m so glad to be home, well, back to the hotel I guess” He chuckled as I went to set my bag down on the kitchen table and he look off his blazer. “Babe I have to say, if that skirt was any shorter, I could of easily slipped inside of you when you were sitting on my lap after the show, fuck you looked so hot tonight” His hands automatically went straight to the back of my thighs and rubbed there way up underneath my skirt, clutching my bum. I quickly turned around so his hands couldn’t get where they wanted to. I knew where this was going. “Oh so you want to do it now?” His breathes got deeper as his eyes trailed around my body, eyeing me up like a piece of candy. “Of course, love, I just wanna bend you over this table” His ring covered hands found their spot again straight to my bum, clutching it in his palms, giving me a good squeeze. “Baby you torture me” His eyes reverted back to mine, trying to read me. I wasn’t really feeling the whole atmosphere. Since I talked to Lorde it really got me thinking about us and this whole ‘problem’ if that’s what I even wanna call it. I need to bring this up now before its too late. “Harry, every time I wanna have sex you say your too tired, now you want to?” “Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I?” His eyes gave out confusion that set to my lips then back to my eyes. “Look Harry, I really need to talk to you” I pulled his hands away from my bum and pushed him away to I could look at him properly. “Y/N, are you okay love?” He leaned on the chair that was sitting in front of him, waiting for me to make a coherent sentence that didn’t seem too stupid. How can I even start this conversation. “Harry, I feel like recently, this between us, well, they aren’t the way they used to be before” His face grew puzzled at my statement, never taking his eyes off of me. “I feel like somethings not right here, with us, is there something wrong with us?” “Of course there isn’t baby girl, I mean all couples kinda go through this I guess, but there is nothing wrong with us” He started to make his way back to me and I pulled myself back to the same distance that we were in before. I didn’t want him thinking that this conversation was over when it was just getting started. I didn’t want to brush off this conversation for the sake of not getting into a fight. I hate confrontation but this just needs to be said to him. “Harry I’m not happy. Im not happy that the fact that when I bring up something to do or something that I want to do that you always brush it off to the side and not make it a big deal. Like the few times that ive asked you to come with me and have a romantic meal or go for a walk, or even just to get coffee and spend some alone time together before you have a show. Look I know that you have the tour and I know that it can be stressful. But I’m here too, I know that I’m here for you to support you but I’m here, I need some Harry time to myself, and not with other people around shouting at you one million things.” His face just sat there, emotionless. He had no vibes coming from him, which is never a good thing when it comes to Harry. Not being able to ready him makes me think did I do the right thing and even bring this up?

“We do have alone time, when I come home from a show and we cuddle in bed with a dvd” “Harry that’s not spending time with someone, that’s just laying down before bed. We aren’t talking, we are just laying there until we fall asleep. That’s not being with each other” “Well in my eyes that counts for something” “Well in my eyes it doesn’t” The air in the room gets thicker and the tension starts to rise. “I feel like your not trying anymore H. I gave up my whole life to be here with you when I could have been at home right now” “Oh please, don’t give me this guilt bullshit” “I could have been writing songs for another album, and gee I don’t know, spending time with my family?” “So to get your own way in this fight you want to make me feel bad about you coming out here with me and throwing that back in my face?” “Oh so now its an arugment?” “Did you really think that this was going to be a good and smooth conversation Y/N?” His voice raised to a scary tone as he started to walk across to the other side of the kitchen. “I don’t know what you want me to do Y/N, just say to everyone ‘hey I wanna spend time with my girlfriend so I’m going to cancel a few shows here and there. Its not like that you know, I cant just take time off when I want it. This is my job. I am exhausted” “Harry I’m not asking you to give up tour dates for me, I’m asking you to make an hour just for us. Im not asking for a whole day. Even just a dinner, or something. But your not even trying, I feel like I’m the one that’s only trying here” I walked to the side of the sofa and sat down on it, looking down at my hands as the tears streamed down my face. “I feel as if you don’t love me anymore Harry” “What the fuck kind of statement is that? If I didn’t love you anymore, I wouldn’t care where you would go, I wouldn’t care if you were here or not, I wouldn’t give two fucks about you” My blood started to boil again and I got up to face his red complextion. “If you even fucking cared about me and our relationship we shouldn’t be even having this conversation. Im only asking for one fucking hour of your time, to actually spend time with your 4 year long girlfriend. Thats not a lot I’m asking here since your the one that’s asking for my full 24 hour time. You asked me to come with you not me” “And you said yes, you didn’t have to say yes, you could have easily said that you wanted to spend time with your family because I would have understood” “No Harry I wanted to come with you because I thought that it would have been an experience that I wouldn’t ever want to forget, to be with my boyfriend and to travel the world and see things that I didn’t see when I was alone” A small silence stilled as we took in what was said in the space of ten minutes. “I was thinking of the things that we could have been doing, as a couple. Making our relationship stronger” His face never left the ground, with his hands clasped around the sides of the marble designed island made me see that this was getting to him. I never thought that this conversation would have gotten this far. But it goes to show that he really didn’t think about it. I walked up to him and stood right in front of him and forced him to look at me. “How many times did you come out to see me when I was touring and you were away making your album?” “Dont pull this bullsh-“ “How many times did you come out to see me when I was touring and you were away making your album?” I repeated with a more stern tone to it. I needed to get him to see what was really going on, but it still wasn’t clicking. “Once” He mumbled with his face hung to the ground; keeping his face away from mine. “How many times?” I asked him to repeated it. “Once” His voice raised as he looked up at me. “Yeah, once out of 32 shows. That just proves my point, I’m done with this conversation” I started to walk away from him and he grabbed my arm with great force to stop me in my tracks. “Dont just walk away from this when you think your done, its not done here” “Right okay, lets keep fighting the same fight. If that’s what will get you to see it then please ill be happy to” I pulled my arms away from his grasp and folded my arms looking directly at him. “Y/N, if you really think that I don’t care, and brought you out here to waste your time, or just use you for comfort from home, then maybe you should leave and go home. Because to the quite honest with you, this attitude, is really getting on my last nerve” The attitude that was streaming from his body language was something I never thought I would see coming from him. He started to walk away into the kitchen when of course I followed him, with a lot more coming into mind. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget anything that I had planned to say in my head. “I try so much for you Harry and your the one that throws it in my face. You really think that I’m giving you attitude? Yeah actually, maybe I am, because its the only way to get it through your thick skull that is whole thing is ruining our relationship” “Eh no actually Y/N because this whole relationship was fine until tonight” “You thought that it was a fine relationship” Once again a silence broke through the room waiting for someone to say something. I knew if I needed to explain more to him about us then it wasn’t even worth trying anymore. “Harry I shouldn’t have to explain to you if I’m happy. You should know that. You cant be this great guy int he public eye and then be a complete dick behind closed doors. Your either one person or the other, which is it? I fell in love with the nice charming guy that would do anything to be with me, and treat me with respect and treat me like no other guy would treat me. But that guy isn’t there anymore. I cant wait for him” I couldn’t keep my tears back looking at him. I was standing there pouring my heart out to him and he just stood there, facing me, watching me, looking right through me. Maybe I’m starting to break him. “I love you Harry. Not the guy that’s standing in front of me right now, but the guy that I met 4 years ago” I started to walk into the bedroom across the hall and slammed the door shut behind me. Thats when I broke, so hard. I held it in for so long trying to be strong to get everything out, and now that its out in the open, I kinda feel glad that I said it, but also regret it. Im thinking back to an hour ago and just thinking I should have just had sex with him and it would have been a good night. But it would ave just been me prolonging the enevitable.

Once I calmed myself down I decided to get myself back to our house in London to give us some space because at this point I think that’s all we need. I made sure that all of my stuff from travelling around was in my suitcase and zipped it up. I looked around the room and to Harry’s suitcase. Just knowing that I cant look for one of his graphic t shirts to wear to bed just made my heart break, but I know that doing this will help make him see that I’m serious about this.

I made my way down the halls trailing my suitcases at hand with the phone to my ear talking to the driver, and I seen Harry sitting on the sofa looking straight my direction. “Okay thank you, ill see you in 5” I hung up the phone and tried to ignore the fact that Harry was sitting watching me as I made my way to the door. “Y/N” He jumped up off of the sofa and hit his hand off of the door so I couldn’t open it. “Why are you doing this, why are you leaving?” “If you cant see that this is our main problem, I cant help you. We both need time to think about this” I grab the door handle and harry pulled it away. “Need time to think about what? Y/N we can talk about this and we can figure this out” His eyes began to fill up with tears. “Harry I cant sit here and pretend that everything’s okay when its not. I cant do this relationship if its one sided, its either we work 50/50 or I’m done” I pulled his hand away from the door handle and walked out the door with my suitcases. As I walk down the hallway I hear the faint noises of a scream and a loud smash coming from our room; hearing what this is doing to him just is breaking me into two, making me think that is this the right thing I’m doing. But what is breaking my heart each time I took a step, he wasn’t chasing me.

[pinksausageduo]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K+

IM SCREAMING WTF YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING genuinely can’t believe i have more than 1000 of you actually liking my blog to the point of following me??!!! I have really bad updates LIKE REALLY BAD like for 2 and half months i’ve been on tumblr i’ve probably only been posting for 1 month and a bit. AND THE FACT YOU STILL ALL LIKE MY WRITINGS AND FOLLOW ME IS CRAZY!! i seriously mean it when i absolutely adore each and everyone of you following my blog like i love you guys so so much. and please don’t be afraid to ever talk to me whether it’s on anon or message whether it’s about how annoying your life is, ranting, my writing, advice, questions, literally anything. i just love you guys sooooo much like wow i never even expected more than 100 followers like i’m mind blown.

so since it is a milestone and usually most blogs do something, i did prepare a present for my followers and another one for my mutuals because i love you all.

FOR MY FOLLOWERS: A NEW SERIES!!!!!

i know i have still my enemies to lovers series that i need to complete and i will do that but there will be a new series and YOU GUYS GET TO CHOOSE which one I write first either;

Heirs 

located in an expensive private school, wanna one is known as the Heirs. they’re all extremely rich, good looking, talented and basically the kings of the school. each guy will have a girl that catches their eye, those girls will be you! from the quick witted and sassy scholarship student to the extremely rich ice princess who no one wants to even approach to the shy sweet nobody, one member will fall for you. choose to find out!

so will you choose the heirs??

Bodyguards

wanna one is a team of bodyguards assigned to people who need protection. over the years each and every one of them finds themselves falling for someone on the job. but falling in love isn’t part of the job or is it? they’ll fall for you! from the president’s daughter to another intelligence agency’s spy to even a princess, one member will fall for you. choose to find out!

so will you choose the bodyguards??

HOW TO CHOOSE

message me by kkt or tumblr

comment below

reblog with which one

choose in poll : https://goo.gl/forms/G4GrlZEfOPL30jnP2

CHOOSING WILL CLOSE IN AROUND 2 WEEKS ON 11/11/17 

please vote!!! i’ll love you all forever if you do!!!! 

FOR MY MUTUALS/PEOPLE I ADMIRE & FOLLOW: FOLLOW FOREVER/RECS/DESCRIPTION

WANT TO GIVE OUT A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MY MUTUALS AS WELL AND IT’LL BE KINDA A FOLLOW FOREVER/RECS (it’ll be long asf (like REALLY long) so i’ll put it under keep reading) this will be in all three person sorry :( 

EVERYONG: i love y'all sm we all so so crazy and we occasionally talk about writing but eh it’s really just a mess but making our gc was one of the best decisions i made on tumblr AND IM SO SORRY if i don’t have you down below but i’m giving you all my love and appreciation rn here!!! BUT JUST LOVE YOU ALL!!

FIRST OF ALL SHOUTOUT TO DIAMOND @woojiniee FOR ENCOURAGING ME TO START THIS BLOG I WOULDN’T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU. lol it’s weird how my blog started from helping you w your english homework on harry potter lmao. i genuinely love you so so much and i admire you, your works and your blog and just thank you for everything!

ALSO A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO JAS @perkwoojin!!!! MY ABSOLUTE LOVE AND MY BEST FRIEND!! jas you’ve been here for me whether it’s irl problems or tumblr problems and you’ve never judged me for anything i’ve done. you are so so so special to me and i just love you soooo much i genuinely can’t imagine not meeting you on tumblr. we hit it off right from the start and we’ve only gotten closer. while the time difference may be annoying we still talk often and just thank you so much for always being there for me, love you loads!!!

MY SENPAIS (the people who inspired me to write and start this blog, i would literally check your blog for updates everyday before starting this blog) :

@imagineproduce101 genuinely think carina is the queen of writing in the pd101/wanna one fandom, she’s blessed us with so many fics on such a regular basis i’ve never talked to you personally and you probs have no idea who i am but just want to say thank you so much for inspiring me to write, your fics always made me feel so soft and fluffy i wanted to make other people feel that way so thank you!!! 

fic recs: rivals (pleaseee do pt 2), what are you waiting for, let me love you, banana milk love, red bull, new beginnings, all of mafia aus, all of hp aus, all of vampire aus 

@woojiniee i’ve already mentioned diamond^ but gonna mention her again cause she is one of my senpais LITERALLY SOOOO GOOD WRITING LIKE WTH PLEASE LET ME LIVE she’s less busy now so IM WAITING FOR UPDATES GIRLL but seriously check out all of her fics will not be disappointed

fic recs: alpaca boy saves the day, crushing on you, jaehwan soulmate au, dating a park at a park

@wanna-request-one​ such great paragraph writings mine will never live up to theirs writing is so amazing just so great if you want detailed long writing the best blog to go to all of them are AMAZING WRITERS congrats on 1.8K!!

fic recs: seongwoo soulmate, seongwoo brother’s best friend, jaehwan college, I HATE YOU IM YOUNGMIN (literally so in love w this fic)

@wanna-one-scenarios amazing writer!!! so so so niceeee she’s starting college rn so v busy i miss youuu we never get to chat but its okayyy BUT LIKE SHIT WRITING IS SOOOO ON POINT LIKE WTH just go through her whole master list won’t regret it

fic recs: DANIEL PRINCE AU!!! (like if y’all haven’t read this missing out on sm), jongyun father au, sewoon enemies to lovers au

@wannaonestars love reading her writing such great bullet points and really good ideas ALSO SO JEALOUS that like short bullet points BUT CAN MAKE ME FEEL SO FLUFF like that is a skill ppl 

fic recs: all of boyfriend series (like so fluff) ESPECIALLY SEONGWOO’S, jihoon soulmate, minhyun office au

@jsioos (was heochannies) MEIKE IS SO PRETTY AND NICE AND AN AMAZING WRITER LIKE WHAT HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLESSED has such a diverse range of works from scenarios to mtls to reactions so genuinely impressed with her blog like goals

fic recs: all of boyfriend series FOR EVERY SINGLE GROUP like she’s amazing at those, and movie night with seongwoo

@ukulelewrites ALSO LONG ASS FICS AMAZING BLOG seriously such amazing writing love so many fics of hers DESERVES MORE ATTENTION AND FOLLOWERS and super sweet as well 

fic recs: cherry picker’s club, a fanta-sea, homerun and ephiany (it’s nct ten BUT SUCH AN AMAZING FIC NEED TO PUT IT ON HERE)

@kanggdaniell STEPH IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO NICE AND RLY BUSY AS WELL but amazing writer just love her writing so much she isn’t as active as before but still should definitely check out master list cause so many amazing scenarios

fic recs: TSUNDERE (FUCK FUCK READ IT RN BEST SERIES FOR ME ON TUMBLR WOOJIN STANS COLLECT YOUR BOI), always in my heart, all of breakup scenarios, all of bad boy scenarios

ANOTHER SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO IRIS AKA @alliwannado-w1 LITERALLY RELATES W ALL MY WRITING PROBLEMS ON A PERSONAL LEVEL IS THE ABSOLUTE SWEETEST CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HER WORKS, BLOG AND FOLLOWERS I LOVE HER WRITING AND ADMIRE HOW DEDICATED SHE IS TO POST SO REGULARLY just i rly should stop writing in caps but like just genuinely she is the princess of writing in the pd101/wanna one fandom and she’s just so so amazing and all her writings are always so much fun to read like i love her so much but like no offence iris but you’re fucking crazy in the best way possible like to have so many wips like GIRL YOU NEED A BREAK 

fic recs: FUCKBOY SERIES (iris got all her fame from here lol jk), daniel werewolf au, jihoon soulmate au, jihoon vampire au, woojin youtuber au, woojin policeman au, jinyoung barista au, sewoon soulmate au, youngmin youtuber au gonna stop there cause i’ll be listing her whole master list soon ;)

AMAZING WRITERS (just to give heads up have liked these recommended fics on another private account so if you like look at the likes and i’m not there that’s the reason):

@daehwifi​​ GENUINELY LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH AND THEY’RE BOTH RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED and hella sweet like cutest married couple ik TIFFY thank youuu for always making me smile and MAE for being the sweetest angel but YOUR WRITING IS ALSO HELLA GOOD like great bullet point fics and regular updates 

fic recs: bandaid guanlin scenario, movies ongniel scenario, skype calls jinyoung scenario 

@deepdickdaniel​​ ARIANE EVERYONG GC MOTHER (aurora’s dad now) and the ultimate HOE for daniel but got guys chasing after her constantly SMH and all our gc is beautiful because of your genes ANYWAYS you’re also a good ass writer and if anyone wants bomb ass daniel fics FOLLOW ARIANES BLOG YALL

fic recs: doormat, all her soulmate aus especially taste, hiking w daniel

@dong-hyucks​ oKAY so jade has only like one fic on wanna one BUT SHE’S SUPER TALENTED AND SHE DOES SO MANY GROUPS like mutlifandom ASF AND I LOVE HER ALOT 

fic recs: daniel soulmate au, na jaemin spy au, i’m with you taeyong

@donghyxns​​​ IF YALL WANT MXM SCENARIOS/CONTENT THIS SHIT IS RIGHT HERE also has a lot of wanna one scenarios but maddie is the biggest donghyun fan ik and super sweet even though we haven’t talked much!

fic recs: royalty au donghyun, actually all the royalty aus,  TIC TOK WOOJIN SOULMATE AU, youngmin as your boyfriend

@ennergetics​​ RAE my favourite drunk aunt ever like super funny and nice and talking about bts is always great with you RAE YOU ALSO LIKE AN AMAZING WRITER and make me feel all sorts of stuff when i read your works

edit: fuck me im so sorry rae lmao idk if it was the fact i wrote this at 3am or I'm terrible speller originally or it was auto correct IDEK BUT ILYSM DONT HATE MEEEEE

fic recs: bad first dates, prince aus, woojin college/barista au

@fromwannaone​​ ANNIE A COMPLETE UTTER SWEETHEART WITH WRITING SKILLS which put me to shame and fic ideas are always sooo good too just fuck meeeee i love youuu and your writing 

fic recs: ALL HER SCHOOL SERIES which is like all members basically sooo, on rainy days, sweet like candy

@hiyawoojin​​ RISSAAAA MY BABY MY PRECIOUSSSS I WANT TO PROTECT YOU AND HUG YOU AND LOVE YOU FOREVER but genuinely rissa is the sweetest person ik on tumblr and her sweetness is as equal to her writing BUT SINCE SHE’S A NEWBIE EVERYONE GIVE HER LOVE

fic recs: ALL OF THEM since there’s about 4 but i like the woojin and the minhyun in particular hehehe

@hwinkinghwi​​ XUAN WE BONDED INSTANTLY YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH and we talk about the weirdest things but it’s still heaps of fun and xuan has short sweet bullet point fics which will warm your heart

fic series: both baejin fics: chicken first cuddles later, florist jinyoung, baker woojin, ___ as your boyfriend (all of them)

@jeonjeonggukks​​ I LOVE ALEX SM SERIOUSLY SO SO SO FUNNY LIKE WTH and sooooo easy to slander BUT SHE IS MY MOTHER (well one of them) AND I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH AND SHE’S ALSO AN AMAZING ASS WRITER so y’all should read her writings

fic recs: shipped jonghyun scenario, our necklaces sungwoon soulmate au, why her why him woojin

@jihoonslattee​​ AHHH WE JUST STARTED TALKING CHI BUT I ALREADY LOVE YOU AND JUST WOW YOUR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE WISH I COULD BE YOU AND HAS SOOOO MANY FICS DONE LIKE IM SO IMPRESSED wow i did that in all caps but like JIHOON STANS WHO WANT JIHOON FICS like chi’s blog like 100% recommend also does reactions SO CHECK HER OUT 

fic recs: jihoon prince au (this was sooo good), daniel CEO both parts, seongwoo boyfriend au, jihoon soulmate au

@mongniel​​ AURORA OUR SALTY ASS MOTHER/FATHER who leaves us regularly and is a daniel seongwoo stan (she says so at least) BUT LIKE GOTTA APPRECIATE HER ABILITY TO MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH SHIT WITH HER ANGST also if y'all love angst daniel fics AURORA’S BLOG IS THE ONE FOR YOU

fic recs: BROKEN RECORD (heart BREAKING), no chance no way, in his dreams, no answer

@peachiejihoonie​​ SAYS IN DESCRIPTION SHE’S BAD AT WRITING BUT THAT’S RIDICULOUS her writing is sooooo good like not too many fics up BUT ALL OF THEM ARE AMAZING like what??

fic recs: demigod series, daniel fuckboy 

@perkwoojin​​ IVE ALREADY MENTIONED JAS CAUSE SHES MY ONE ETERNAL LOVE but genuinely wtf so talented I AM SHOOK she does EVERYTHING like gifs, reactions, scenarios AND SHE HAS TWO OTHER BLOGS for the boyz and stray kids fans CHECK THOSE BLOGS OUT TOO

fic recs: basically everything but in particular wanna one as prom dates, wanna one reacting to you how to solve a rubix cube, and all her series which include: boyfriend, fallen angel, AND check out woojin badboy pt 1 & 2 and now ive literally listed her whole master list whoopss

@playfuldisaster​​ CHRISTINE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART LIKE WOW genuinely like an angel AND I LOVE TALKING TO HER but she also has so many works up! WHICH NEED MORE ATTENTION cause they’re so good

fic recs: and i’m here seongwoo, attention baejin, my boy lollipop baejin, sorry kang daniel

@producedwannaone​​ SO UNDERRATED LIKE WHAT HOW EVERYONE WAKE UP also honey I NEED A MASTERLIST like need to stalk your blog easily yooo but seriously such a great writer and a sweetheart x 

fic recs: wanna one seeing their donsaeng in their t shirt, naps with guanlin

@starrywinters​​ SHEENA YOU HAVE SHARED MY PAIN OF HAVING SEONGWOO AS A BIAS WRECKER but like other than that you mean so so much to me you are positively brilliant in every single way AND DON’T TELL YOURSELF OTHERWISE seriously AND IT INCLUDES YOUR WRITING SKILLS 

fic recs: cute bandaids, minhyun college au, 7 minutes in heaven jihoon, hugs woojin, guanlin soulmate/vampire au

@wannabeone​​ just dammnnnn girl your writing is SO GOOD LIKE WHAT?? always makes me feel all nice inside just love reading your works fic recs: all of best friend lovers (like you will not be disappointed), kissing cuddling hugging wanna one

@wannamoon​​ JUJU IK YOU’RE ON HIATUS AND YOU HAVEN’T REPLIED TO MY MESSAGES CRI but i miss your baejin fangirl squealing and your posts which will be filled with sadness cause it’s you lmao BUT COME BACK SOON I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU but juju has such a good mix of fluff and angst fics and super unique and heart warming ideas

fic recs: crumble both parts guanlin, ALL HER LIFE AUS LIKE FUCK SUCH GOOD FLUFF, halcyon seongwoo, jihoon soulmate au

@wannaonescenarios​ SERIOUSLY SUCH GREAT SHORT FLUFF WRITINGS LIKE WHAT HOW I WISH and has a long ass masterlist WHICH IS AMAZING TO GO THROUGH just like go right now to her blog amazing writings IS AVAILABLE

fic recs: SOULMATE AU SERIES, dating series, college series (even tho it’s only youngmin), daniel cat cafe owner 

@wannasoftimagine​​ OMG SUCH AMAZING FICS BUT DOES ANYONE KNOW PHI WENT?? like she hasn’t updated in 2 weeks? or replied to messages? like does anyone know?? but if she’s on an hiatus without mentioning well idrk but phi’s works make me feel so so soft like super duper fluffy and always read them for a cheer up 

fic recs: ALL SOULMATE SERIES, classmate woojin, boyfriend woojin, and all of wanna one _____

@wannasseu​​ CYN CYN OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE CYN IS THE QUEEN OF ANGST if anyone says otherwise FITE ME drown in my tears whenever i read one of her angsts WHICH IS LIKE ALL THE TIME ugh cyn what are you doing to me BUT CONTRARY TO THE ANGSTY FICS SHE WRITES cyn is such a FLUFFY person 

fic recs: ALL HER EX BOYFRIEND SERIES especially seongwoo’s (i ranted to cyn for a straight hour about that fic lol), custard kisses, arranged marriage 

@wannatales​​ GREAT SHORT FLUFFS THAT YALL WANNA READ RECOMMENDING FOR STANS OF MAKNAE LINE since writings are only maknae line works always makes me feel all fluffy and gooey insideeee

fic recs: JACKET GUANLIN (fuck such a cute scenarios can’t deal), fool woojin, milk jihoon

@wannawrite​​ SO MANY FICS FOR SO MANY FANDOMS but like the wanna one master list IS HELLA LONG haven’t ever talked to admin N BUT I LOVE YOUUUUU LAETITA DATITA RISEEEE (is that how to spell it i can’t even remember) BUT ANYWAYS soooooo good fics like always love reading them just genuinely great writings 100% of the time

fic recs: FLOWER BOY SERIES LIKE YESSS, vamp series, i latte you very much minhyun, bffs to bf daniel, colourless soulmate au woojin, this isn’t part of the plot guanlin

@wanna-17​​ CATH OMG MY OLDER FUTURE TWIN IDEK i love you so so much and chatting you is always fun BUT you have so many mtls like wow I'm mind blown BUT YOUR FICS ARE ALSO SUPER GOOD 

fic recs: wanna one first meeting series, and any of the mtls you want to know about

@whatabrightplace​​ AHHH TINA PLEASE PLEASE WRITE FOR WANNA ONE YOUR WRITING IS ALREADY AMAZING AND DON’T BE SCARED JUST TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH wow I'm being rly dramatic but idc i want to see you produce wanna one writing content (did you see what i did there ;) ) ANYWAYS i also wanted to tell you i love youuuu

fic recs: HER RECENT DANIEL SCENARIO FUCK stars + you for our precious mother ariane and basically everything on her masterlist even tho it isn’t wanna one or pd101

@101scenes​​ JUST CUTE ASF SCENARIOS (at least the ones i’ve read) got me squealing and SOFT like such great writing 

fic recs: LATTE ART daniel scenario, guanlin soulmate au, ceo jihoon

TEXT BLOGS (not gonna do fic recommendations cause they’re texts and it’s harder to choose specific ones):

@laignlin​​ LILY I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU MORE LIKE TIME DIFFERENCE AND SCHOOL SUCKS but our chats are always the best and it’s always hella nice talking to you BUT YOU’RE ALSO A GREAT WRITER AND AMAZING TEXT MAKER so i ended up putting you in text author lol also IM STILL YOUR PROM DATE but everyone just read through all of lily’s texts and scenarios cause they’re all on point asf

@pwjins​ I GENUINELY ADORE ALLISON BUT SHE HATES ME AND WE HAVE THIS BITCH FEUD THING GOING ON BUT WHATEVER I LOVE HER ALOT AND IK YOU GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME AND NEED A BREAK BUT LIKE I’M HERE FOR YOU TUMBLR HERE’S FOR YOU but i love allison’s texts they always make me smile and laugh and like my heart literally warms SHE ALSO WRITES occasionally so check those out and i don’t have any in particular but like the gc texts are always good and the CHANGING THE NAME LIKE LMAO that’s also amazing just check it all out BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ALLISON 

@texts101 YOUR TEXTS ARE SOOOO GOOD JUST THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR MAKING THEM like they never disappoint I LOVE the best friend, boyfriend, gc and name switch texts the most BUT LITERALLY ALL OF YOUR TEXTS ARE AMAZING and ik you taking a hiatus now SO PLEASE TAKE A GOOD REST AND FOCUS ON SCHOOL and don’t stress at all cause all your followers will still be here and ready for your return

@w1talks ANGELA IK YOU DO SCENARIOS AND TEXTS but the scenario list was getting WAYYY TOO LONG to put you there anyways I LOVE YOUR TEXTS AND YOUR SCENARIOS your writing is amazing but your texts are also great LIKE MULTI TALENTED MUCH and I ABSOLUTELY ADORED wanna one finding you went on a date with jinyoung BUT I ALSO ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUUU

INCORRECT QUOTES BLOGS (not gonna do fic recommendations cause they’re quotes and there are hundreds):

@incorrect-produce101-quotes​ SUPER DUPER FUNNY and like totally could imagine your quotes being said by the guys and love how there’s a lot of the pd101 guys as welll 

@incorrect-wanna-one-quotes​ you were one of the first blogs i followed and your quotes NEVER fail to make me at least smile like i have properly cracked up laughing on multiple occasions because of your quotes and i just feel like my day becomes a little brighter when i see you on my dash

TALENTED ASF GIF MAKERS:

@daewi​ just really nice and cute gifs which are soooo aesthetically pleasing together also all your reblogs are just great AND I ADORE YOUR HS YEARBOOK AWARD THEMES 

@defsouldanik​ LITERALLY IM IN SUCH AWE OF YOU LIKE THE GIFS YOU MAKE IS ALWAYS LIKE THE MOMENTS I WANT GIFFED?? and like all your got7 content makes me happy as well and just THE QUALITY IS SOOO GOOD AS WELL

@kimsjaehwan​ ONE OF MY ULT FAV GIF MAKERS always gifs are so nice and the gifs are always hella good quality just always makes me smile when i see them 

@kngniel​ YOU WANT BASICALLY PERFECT GIFS OF DANIEL HERE IS THE BLOG FOR YOU genuinely so many gifs you’ve made of him smiling and just MAKES ME FEEL SOFTTT 

@ongeuigeon​ SUCH AMAZING GIFS WTF like the gifs in a set always match perfectly with each other in every way AND I LOVE IT WHEN YOU ADD YOUR OWN LITTLE COMMENTS IN it always make the gif that much better 

@parkswoojin REALLY NICE GIFS and like you regularly make new ones so thank youuu for that and just really nice quality AND IN GENERAL A GREAT GIF BLOG TO FOLLOW

@park-woojin​ I LOVE YOU JUST FOR EXISTING AND MAKING WOOJIN GIFS LIKE all of your gifs are so nice and clean and great ass quality AND SINCE ITS WOOJIN i always smile my ass off whenever i see any of your gifs 

@rosybaejin AMAZING ASS GIFS LIKE WOWOOWOWOWOW mind fucking blown y'all AND also in general amazing blog to follow great baejin content

@sungwhoon really pretty high quality edits and gifs AND LIKE THE COLOURS ALWAYS LOOK AMAZING just so nice to look at your gifs

@woojinnies WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU IN THIS FANDOM genuinely believe you are a staple piece of creating gifs in this fandom YOUVE MADE SOOOO MANY AND THEY’RE ALL SOOO GOOD like you have A GIFT just thank youuuu for making your gifs 

OTHER GREAT BLOGS:

@boo-jinyoung​​​ summer you’re an amazing ass dancer like woah and totally a baejin stan even tho you deny it CONSTANTLY and you are a  complete sweetheart everyone follow for HELLA GOOD jinyoung and guanlin content 

@crystalkpop​ I LOVE YOUUU THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR BEING ONE OF MY BIGGEST SUPPORTERS AND LIKING/COMMENTING MY WORKS JUST I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH

@dearlydaehwi AMAZING DAEHWI CONTENT LIKE DAMN like i love seeing the smol soft bean and you DELIVER like all daehwi stand should follow you just daehwi overload in the absolute best way possible

@extraongdinary LITERALLY PROVIDES ALL THE SEONGWOO CONTENT I NEED and reblogs good ass content SO HAPPY ASF leah ily even tho we’ve never talked you just ultra great 

@fywannaone​ JUST THANK THE LORDS FOR YOU best updates such great pictures literally don’t need to follow any other blogs cause like SO FAST just constantly blessing me with wanna one content SO THANK YOU 

@ricepot-jisung​ I KNOW YOURE A WRITER BUT I HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO READ YOUR WORKS which i bet are amazing AND TBH JUST FOLLOWED YOU BECAUSE YOU REPOSTED GOOD ASS CONTENT AND SEEMED SUPER NICE AND PERSONAL POSTS WERE RELATABLE ASF (whoops wrote all that in caps) 

@soft-baejin BRI we’ve barely talked since i’m never on the gc but you’re super duper sweet and nice and also have a really nice blog and you reblog really good jinyoung content and great content in general 

@wooh00jin SUPER SWEET and adores woojin great ships and i bet you have so many flooding in when ships are open cause you put so much detail into them and GREAT WOOJIN CONTENT  

@asongofmagicandtime | @sewnho | @lai-panlin | thank you for always being nice to me on the gc and I'm sad its not as active as before but all three of you are SUCH SWEETHEARTS and have GREAT ASS CONTENT on your blogs

MY FAVOURITE MUTUALS/CLOSE FRIENDS (which have not been mentioned above or i just felt like putting you here lmao):

@danielsoftgf​ DIAN YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME NO MORE SENDING GIFS OF KOOKIE TAE N WOOJIN LIKE YOU RLY WANNA KILL ME but you so so soft for daniel it’s sweet but also so easy to exploit hehehe but i can see seongwoo just around the corner ;) but genuinely love your blog it’s so so so nice and chatting with you is the best I LOVE YOUUUU

@hyuckland​ OKAY IK WE JUST STARTED TALKING TINA AND I HAVEN’T GOT THE CHANCE TO STALK YOUR BLOG YET so i can’t really properly comment on anything BUT ONE THING I CAN is that you’re an absolute sweetheart and you made me feel SO MUCH BETTER with your messages BUT IK WE’RE GONNA BECOME HELLA CLOSE 

@jaehwansspookywife LUCY LUCY LUCY you are the funniest person ever you are so nice and sweet and hilarious and conversations never get boring w you we don’t talk THAT often but when we do i always genuinely enjoy it love youuuuu ALSO OBSESSED W JAEHWAN DON’T LET HER i don’t think he’s cute FOOL YOU

@kpopsincejune07​ JEN I LOVE YOU you were one of my first fans and you’ve been a huge supporter ever since AND WE BECAME CLOSER and talk when our stupid time zones all us lol and please don’t stress about work and take care of yourself also thank you for always reposting great fics BUT IM WAITING ON YOURSSS PLEASE PLEASE POST YOUR FIC i am waiting till this day for it ily

@ongsecngwoo​ GINNY MY LOVEEEEE i always love talking with you our conversations are always good and hella fun even tho we end up replying hours/days after EH ITS TIMEZONES but also i love your blog it’s so pretty AND THE CONTENT YOU REBLOG just yes yes yes also DONT STRESS ABOUT SCHOOL TOO MUCH AND YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF but also you haven’t replied to my messages in ages so i hope everything’s okay?? i just love you loads :)))

@parkkwoojin ace we don’t talk as much as before but I STILL CARE AND LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH you’re soon easy to slander but since i promised to be sweet i’m being sweet hehehe BUT GENUINELY YOU POST BOMB ASS GIFS AND ALWAYS IMPRESSED BY THEM and your gifs of woojin OOFT MY HEART DIESSSS just thank you for existing

@porkjeojang SUMMER OMG SUMMER YOU ARE SUCH A SOFT SWEETHEART WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH but you can also be one HELL OF A BITCH sometimes ya know?? also she says she’s loyal to jihoon but IVE SEEN HER EYEING DANIEL UP but she super multi talented making pixels, gifs, mood boards and writing scenarios LIKE TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS but i love you so much and without you my dashboard wouldn’t be complete

@spooky-jihoon NAIA IK WE AIN’T THAT CLOSE BUT YOU WERE ONE OF MY FIRST MUTUALS I TALKED TO sooo i put you here hope you don’t mind I MISS YOU A LOT you’re a literal angel AND PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOTED JIHOON FAN I KNOW like jihoon content right here ppl right here and ik you won’t see this after your hiatus BUT I LOVE YOUU 

@wannabl​ okay hana we haven’t talked in fucking ages cause i felt like you just didn’t really want to chat ya know? especially cause you’re so so busy w irl stuff but like i do really really miss you and i’ve actually sent a few anons saying that i do miss you and wanting to see how you’ll react never got a reply :( but genuinely in awe of how easily you make friends and that you have so many different types of works and i’m so glad you have so many people that recognise that like your anons (and i’m sorry if i was too overly jokingly bitchy) and everyone just go through her master list or just check out her blog cause genuinely such a funny person and has amazing content on there

@wanna-one MERVE you’re my sister/protecter from all things bad (like makeout scenes lmao) but even though you “hate” daniel you have your sweet ASF moments about him you basically confess you love everything about him AND SO MUCH DANIEL CONTENT ON YOUR BLUG BUT you’re always tired and stressed and i wish you were decently okay and happy but remember you’re so sweet ridiculously smart AND i still need to see a photo of you anyways i love you sooooo much and so does daniel ;)

@woojinstinygf OMG KITTY YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART AND PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOTED WOOJIN FAN IK (sorry all those woojin stans out there but like kitty takes it to ANOTHER LEVEL) i always love chatting w you and you always make feel so soft and happy ANYONE WANTS WOOJIN CONTENT OR SWEET WORDS OR ANYTHING ABOUT WOOJIN OR STRAY KIDS LMAO FOLLOW N MESSAGE KITTY (not actually her irl name but she tells ppl to call her that soooo ya)

IM SORRY IF I MISSED YOU PLEASE PLEASE MESSAGE ME SO I CAN ADD YOU ONTO THE LIST 

I LOVE YOU ALL BUT AGAIN VOTE!!!! MAGU MAGUUUUUU!!!!

[survivorathena-allstars]

Rites of Passage

It is time for the Rites of Passage. Take this time to reflect on your journey in this game as well as the people who left for you four to be where you are now. 

Please play the audio and enjoy your experience. 

fuck my tribe ! 

Ali Unfortunately, you were the only player this season I never got to play with, which is a real shame! I think you are one of the iconic faces of the Athena series, so it was only fitting that you went out in the blaze of glory your tribal sounded like it was! I hope to see you around in a VL or something and get the chance to know you!   

Dana So sorry you were the first to go girl!

Kevin I love the W I N N E R of Motu Maha!! I'm sad you died so early on bc we needed a redemption arc. But at least I didn't betray you so wink

Zach Despite us never being on a tribe together, I was really looking forward to getting the chance to play with you!! I’m sorry that OG Elaenia did you that dirty. I love you and Cookie to the moon; the most iconic duo truly (:

Even tho im second boot yall still ugly

Ali Ahhhh Julia, I’m trying to speak very carefully, as I don’t want to unwittingly curse myself more than we were all already cursed by you! I am genuinely sorry you went so early, especially listening to you on tribe calls and such, you seemed like a wild, iconic personality that it was a shame for the season that you went so soon. I actually was quite intimidated by you and the stories you would tell on calls, but it made the early stages of the game a very fun experience  

Dana We never played together, but I hope you enjoyed your time in this game!

Zach Julia… I can’t even begin to apologize for how sorry I am. I was really fake with you, and i’m sorry. You are a great person and absolutely so funny and adorable and I love you sooo much!! I hope nothing in this game was taken personally, and that we can continue being friends outside the game <3

Was so happy to be back for the short time that I was around. Needless to say, I finally wore a shirt and went premerge? Never again.

Ali UGHH. Time for my first soppy paragraph of the Rites of Passage. It's been a real pleasure to play with you twice. You always bring this energy of positive and light to games, that makes you such a fun personality and presence to be around. Our whole tribe just sat on call saying how lovely you were, after the tribal when you went home and for good reason. It's been my pleasure to get to know you, and I hope you’ll be sticking around in the community so we can actually talk outside of these games for once, because you seem like a lovely person.  

Dana My friend from Kiribati! I’m sad we never got to play together.

Zach Definitely one of the most fun people on OG Vireao!! You’re honestly adorable and genuinely a sweet soul and I really did enjoy getting to know you and chat with you about swimming and everything!! :] Your vote was actually such a hard one, and I remember the Vireao tribe was just on call afterwards like… talking about how awful we felt and EVERYTHING and awh. Robbed legend, truly.

I had an amazing (short) time in this game. I’m so honored to have been chosen to play in the first place. I just wish I wouldn’t have been voted out by a lot of people who never bothered to talk to me in the first place hehe. I’M NOT BITTER ANYMORE THOUGH I really did love my experience and everyone I met in the game.

Ali Madison, since I doubt you ever got a true explanation, I just want something to be super clear. Like I said in my voting confessional, I really don’t want you to take the number of votes you received that night as a personal thing. For someone so new to the community, you have already built up a reputation for yourself, that I’m kind of simultaneously both jealous and terrified of? You have such a way in these games with words, and its one that makes you a very scary person indeed! As someone that’s also hosted you, it's really exciting to see you go on and play other games and evolve as a player, and I’m absolutely sure that when you return to Athena, you are going to have found the balance and will destroy everyone! Till then, its been my pleasure to get to know you and I’m looking forward to talking to you again soon!  

Dana A true robbery. So sorry that one world did THAT.

Kevin I initially wanted to work with you because we were both infants in Elaenia and you seemed really fun but then after the first tribal I um honestly did not trust you! Love you!! 

Zach MADISON!! Okay genuinely this was such a crappy vote, because for gamewise I felt like it was the strongest move that could’ve been executed with the given circumstance, but genuinely it was hard and that was the day I started talking to you so much because I entered Kalos and I was so excited and ARGH SDMGKLSD. You’re absolutely hilarious and quirky and I love you so much and I wish we got to spend more time together in this game because you’re a great person at heart and one of the funniest people I know.

Ali Ahhhhh Jack, we never really got to talk all that much which is a real shame! I’m really sorry you went so early this time, as one of the mega four time athena players. You seem like a really fun and genuine person, so I’m hoping especially post-season we can become friends!  

Dana I’m so sorry about the way you went out, it felt really bad afterward, but I had a really great time getting to actually meet you during this game.

Kevin MY SON. I love you so much I'm sorry for being fake with you at times skdkd 

Zach Aside from the one world phase, we never really got to talk. I think you’re an interesting character and I enjoyed those two days that we talked together, and I actually was sad to see the tribal where you got voted off :( I was wanting you to move forward because I felt like there was a significant chance of us working together, but unfortunately people are RUDE! Also this was karma for that one EM game :/ just kidding though jasfdkgf i’m sorry about the tragic tribal <3

There’s not much I can say about this game, it was the first time that I haven’t made jury, EVER! But it just shows that people came to play, I’m glad that I was able to be apart of it, bummed that I was out so fast. Jumanji will forever be the reason that I lost this game but still worth it cus it was a great movie :)

Ali “My F2, my ride or die. I was so crushed to see you go last tribal. We’ve had quite the bumpy newbie ride this season. You were the one I trusted most, that I talked all about strategy with, that I would joke with and I almost wish you were here at F4 instead of me. It’s been a distinct pleasure to play with you this season and I hope we can stay friends in this game and beyond.”

This was my Rites of Passage for you in Emathia, and I so truly stand by it. It's been my pleasure to play with you twice now. We begun the wild tumblr survivor ride together a year ago next month (which… its already been a year which is SO wild). Seeing you evolve from someone who had such consistently good gut instincts in Emathia to someone who is so aggressively strategic is really… nice to see? Like I love the conviction in yourself, you now have. I was really sad when I heard you were voted out, because you are such a fun person to play with and as my original friend in the ORG community, I was really sad for you. I’m looking forward to talking in the Reunion and continuing to being friends!

Dana Crackedt queen! We never got to play together, I hope you enjoyed playing!

Kevin Cracked queen!! Your boot tribal was such a mess god. I wish we had talked more and had an opportunity to work together :(  Then again you also voted for me but we all make mistakes ;)

Zach I felt so awful with this vote. JD… you’re a great person. I absolutely adore you and I think you’re so funny and genuinely a pure soul. Unfortunately though, for my game, you weren’t a benefit. From multiple rumours and ideas of what happened MAINLY during the one world phase, it seemed as if your loyalties weren’t with me whatsoever, and so your vote was strategically great for my game. It still felt awful on a personal level, especially since you went on a date that night and had you not it could’ve been so different but overall i’m apologetic for your vote; I wish I handled it better and I hope we can be friends once the game is over. You’re a legend forever and always.

Always robbed, never a robber haha. Good luck Lorohna!

Ali Why hello to the winner of Crossroads aka Autumn! I was also really sad to see you go! You were such a fighter this season, being targeted from day one and it was my pleasure to get to know you in our very limited time in the game together! You have such a fun and bubbly energy that's infectious, and your enthusiasm for the game is something I really love. I am hoping we can be friends after the season because you seem like a really great person… and being associated with a winner of a main season will give me some major street cred ahskdjfhajldsf  

Dana MY QUEEN!! I was so happy to meet someone who is literally living the same #postgradstruggle as me right now. It’s really rare that I find someone in games that I relate to so much and I’m so excited to keep being friends and hopefully meet up when you move to NYC! Also WOOO CONGRATS THE CROSSROADS WINNER WE DESERVE!!!!

Kevin CRACKED QUEEN PART TWO. God our relationship was kinda messy bc I tried voting you out at the first tribal, and then we made up, but after JD's boot it was p evident how much of a threat you were... As I said, messy!!!

Zach A queen. I think you’re such a fun person to just sit there and talk with, and I can see why everyone likes you!! For real though, you were one of the people I really wanted to work with going forward once the swap occurred, but just… it felt too difficult. You were such a good player that you forced a tie that should’ve been 4-3 had JD not had the one dinner date. You were so good at utilizing information you’ve received from people to orchestrate movement in whatever direction you so desired. So on a personal level, I felt really bad cause I thought you were such a cutie and all, but I knew on a game level that was probably the most beneficial vote since you proved yourself to be capable of so much. So, i’m sorry about your vote, girlie <3 gl in your future endeavours (and congrats on crossroads, love)!! 

Coming into this game, I thought I knew exactly what I was signing up for. But you know, expectations vs reality don’t always play out the way you’d think. I happily flopped down on the grenade for the Loronha tribe because they were pure beans who deserved the best.  It’s been a pleasure to play in the Athena series and I can’t wait to see who wins.

Ali A QUEEN.Honestly, when I saw you cast on this season, I was like…. Ooop well I guess Charlotte is winning and I almost didn’t have a problem with that? Like you are probably the most all stariest all star in this entire cast, such a fun personality, so social and nice and a great person to be around. I HATED seeing you get voted out, even though you volunteered, because you were so gracious and just…… so just the best. It was really a mess. I am SO HAPPY you made jury, just because I think you really deserve it. You are just an icon, and I’m kinda gushing because you didn’t really go out for game reasons, so I can only really talk on a personal level, and on a personal level I have so much time and respect for you.  

Dana Love you queen! Honestly voting you out made me so sad, because I was looking forward to playing with you after hosting you and watching you slay. I’m sure our time will come, but thank you for giving me and the rest of our swap tribe the opportunity to do you proud in the merge phase of the game. Marshall would be proud tbh!

Kevin MY LEGITIMATE BIRTH MOTHER. I'm so upset that we only played one round together like when I saw you were on Viraeo I was dying to get swapped with you or something. Playing with you would've made the game much much more worth it ;) 

Zach I think it’s criminal that we weren’t even on the same swap tribe! You were definitely one of my closest allies before the swap, and I was rooting for you so hard to reach merge because I think you’re such a fun person to work with from past experience, and I was hoping we could reinvent CB but… not let me get idolled out AJSKDG. However, given your scenario, i’m sorry you did leave (even though it was unanimous), it still is a robbery and i’m glad you got voted “prejuror that deserves to still be in the gamer” in touchy subjects :’) and also, by default, you made jury which i’m so happy for you about!! Ultimately, I hope everything ongoing is great, and that we can surely one day down the road play again!! Also we need to pm about HTGAWM soon!!!!!!

Ali Lily, I’m sorry that we… basically never spoke. Watching your dynamic with Emily, it's clear you are a great and loyal friend, so I’m hoping if you do plan on returning to the community and staying in the reunion that we can actually talk and become friends. You seem like someone who really values loyalty in a person,so while we couldn’t really build that up during the season, I’m hoping we can post-season?  You seem like a really passionate and fun person, so I am very sorry how much the way you went home upset you.. I’m looking forward to hopefully playing some more games with you in the future, maybe if I stop being a baby not knowing what anything means some cards against humanity or something else fun like that..  

Dana We hardly spoke during the game, but I hope you had a great time playing and come back soon.

Kevin My third Taveuni child!! One of my favorite parts of this game was CAH games with you. Like with Jack I was sad that we didn't make it farther together. Maybe someday!!

Zach I’m sorry overall about the tragic events that took place in this game. For those times that we talked, I enjoyed getting to know you and establishing a friendship with you. You gave off such vibes that you were a powerful force to be reckoned with, and I think because of that as well as other factors made you the initial merge target. Though I didn’t vote you, I am sorry and I truly think you’re adorable and I loved your pinocchio in the All Star music videos and AHHH!! I hope everything is great and that you don’t take anything super personally from this game because i’m sure it's a relative feeling amongst most that you’re great and that your vote was purely strategic, opposed to personal.

I just wanted to thank the hosts for bringing me back, it was an honor. And although i may hate you all right now its been so much fun getting to play with you all! I’m so happy to have made so many new friends! And I still get to keep the crown for most days played and the queen stays queen, adiós! 

Ali Duncan :( it's time for personal o’clock. I have SO much love and respect for you Duncan. You have been someone that has always supported me since Emathia, joining VLs and watching me flop at Big Brother, and just…. being the nicest. You have just such a fun energy, and you are so amazing with supporting your friends and one of my biggest hopes is I can be as good of a friend to you, as you are to me. I remember when you did a video confessional with Amanda for Azores and you were just…. so 100% focused on being there for Amanda and being a friend, and you truly deserve the best, as you give the best to everyone else. I just think you are so sweet and great, and it's been my pleasure to be able to call you a friend. I’m a Dunstan forever.  

Dana I was SO excited to finally get to meet you playing this game after seeing you around in the community. You are hysterically funny and such an honest player, which is something I admire and respect. Unfortunately, I knew I wasn’t your priority in this game, but I absolutely loved spilling tea and talking shit with you-  definitely some of my favorite memories from this game! I hope there is more to come for us both inside and outside of games!

Kevin I can't believe we were robbed from working together ;( Your boot left me the most shook because like...what the fuck, you deserved better. But yeah, I really wish we had gotten to play the game together bc like? We've never actually gotten to work together??

Zach My… showmance… AJSGKD. Duncan you are genuinely one of the most purest souls i’ve met throughout this game. From our time on Vireao to then merge, I just… we connected quite a bit early on and maybe some of that was lost at merge, but it was still somewhat there?? It’s hard to explain really. I think you’re an adorable person though, and your vote was honestly so difficult. But with the lack of information being swapped between us, and how you apparently had advantages but we were a showmance… it just felt too difficult to form that trusting relationship, and due to your threat status, your vote occurred. I really hope you didn’t take anything personally because like… you were a threat, it was strategic. No one had ONE bad thing to say about you as a person or even gamewise. It was literally all love, love, love. But yeah, you’re so cute and loveable and I genuinely enjoyed taking the time to talk to you, and I wish things could’ve worked out differently and i’m sorry about anything that happened in this game. I hope to continue talking with you outside this game, love <3

This game was wild from start to finish for me, it was honestly the most fun I’ve had in a game so far considering I didn’t even think I deserved to come back as an All Star. I had a great time, wouldn’t really change anything I did except probably would’ve given fewer people my snapchat and facebook info…oh well! 

Ali Right. This one is potentially going to be my longest RoP and I assume you aren’t going to read this, judging by how much you seemed to hate me after you were voted out. I’m not going to try and bactrack and say I regret my decision on a game level, because I don’t. You were winning this game…. Like 100%. You could do anything and everything and literally were. But, what I do regret is how much being voted out upset you. You are my friend outside of this game, and I cried like… real tears (I love emotional stability) when you said you didn’t want to talk to me again. Like, I would hate for a game to ruin our friendship. I would really really hate that. I also was sad in that as you know from when we have talked, I am SUCH a will warrior and have always been a supporter of you, as you know. I’d hate for you to take me voting you out as a personal attack, as that’s truly the last thing I want? I know it might not come across that way, but me voting you out was almost a compliment? I never would’ve so aggressively blindsided you if you weren't SUCH a big threat.I just really love you on a personal level and would hate for this to affect that?

I also have something else to say to you, that I’m not entirely sure if you are going to want to hear. I will be really disappointed on a personal level if you try and poison the jury against people? Like on a game-level, that's your prerogative as a juror to do what you want and like you are totally allowed to get the jury to vote or not vote anyone you want, and if its against me it's not like I’m going to hold it against you. With that said, as someone that was so disappointed in a jury being turned against you in Azores, I’d… be disappointed if you tried to recreate that as a form of revenge? Like if you want to try and tank people’s games in the minds of a jury, you are 100% more than welcome to as a juror, I’d just be sad on a personal level that you would want to do that after it upset you so much in Azores? With that said, if you wanna get nobody to vote me like you said, like I say you are more than welcome to and I wouldn’t hold it against you.  I don’t know, this is probably not something to say in RoP, but since you said you never want to talk to me again, I want to just like…. put it out there, in case this is my only chance. Honestly (provided I get there), if it takes you dragging me to hell and back at FTC to be friends again, please do. I just want to be friends again. THIS WAS LONG and I apologise for making you read all this (even though I feel like you could very easily still be mad at me and just not read this)  

Dana My closest ally and one of my best friends in this game! Watching you get voted out was one of the hardest nights of this game for me, and forced me to play a very different game than the one I had anticipated. I’m so sorry you had to die for me to rise, but you taught me how to be a better strategic and forward- thinking player and I’m incredibly grateful for that! Love you!

Kevin Whew what a round your boot was!! Your boot wasn't anything personal, it was just who we all could agree to vote for. Like with some others we never really worked closely together ://

Zach This vote is probably the definition of bitter-sweet. Will, let’s start with… i’m sorry about being such a freak and weirdo to you in pms that you probably thought I was unstable and a dork. I really should’ve been slightly… less that and more different but that’s just my quirky personality. I love you and I think you’re a great person at heart, and you were someone I genuinely connected with first at the one world phase, and then later during the merge portion, and I hope that was reciprocated. From those times that we talked about snow to pizza to literally… me sending the first few pokemon and pictures at 4AM to you… just… it was so fun and I really hope we still talk once this game is over because I literally adore you so much. I’ll explain the bitter sweet aspect. It was bitter because I literally didn’t want you out, and I felt so bad especially after that call that me/you/Dana had just minutes before. You wanted to play so badly and I admired u and wanted u to literally win like i was ready for you to run me over w ur car and then I thank you for it. The only sweet aspect about it is that you’re such a phenomenal player, and I predicted you to win this game just because of how charming you are. I wouldn’t have voted you out anytime soon but like… idk. You’re great. I’m sorry about that night because it was truly tragic and I hate that I had to play this game so many more days without getting the chance to be weird to you. Love uu, you’re a legend <3 <3 

I had a fantastic time, this season was filled with All Stars and no one disappointed.  It’s been a wild ride and it will be hard to see it end.  

Ali My cracked Disney queen. We unfortunately didn’t connect as much in this game as we have in others, which was a shame because you are SO MUCH FUN TO GOSH DARN WORK WITH. Soooo much fun. I always admire your like… reputation in the community? You are just the queen of positivity, and everyone loves you for a *reason*. And that reason is because you are the best.I have played four games, with you for three of them, and it's truly been a pleasure every time.  

Dana Though we didn’t talk much in this game, you are such a sweet girl and one of the genuinely nicest and most cheerful people I’ve gotten to know. I’m sad we were in such a difficult position that resulted in you getting voted out, but you were so understanding and happy despite everything.

Kevin Hunt You Down came on as I was writing this and I thought of your iconic intro vid... Anyways um...third time was the charm I guess. I initially did wanna work with you because you seemed super nice but the way the game shook out it didn't happen obviously.

Zach RUTHIE!!! I hate that you weren’t around much, but nonetheless I still adore you with my entire heart and I love love LOVE you. I felt like we worked good, hand in hand, and i’m sorry that you were voted out. You’re honestly the definition of genuine and a sweetheart, and I was just… so excited to play with you again and i’m glad we got to be on our OG tribes together, then again at the merge. I just remembered something really funny and I know it’s not going to be like professional but like I wanted to apologize again for that one time that I ignored you about the vote because I was getting… a lil turnt or something and MSDLKGMSD ugh that was so funny when you called me out in the tribe chat like FRICK. I really wish you could’ve stayed, and maybe your vote put me in a better position because it made me less targeted, I still love you and adore you and I would’ve loved had you been given the chance to continue fighting in this game. I hope ponderosa is treating you well girlie <3 you deserve the best.

my time in the game was an absolute roller coaster. sorry to use such an overused metaphor. anyways. i am so thankful to have met everyone in this game and to have even been considered an all star in the first place. looking back at my game, there’s a lot of things i would have changed. i made a lot of mistakes and i can’t really explain everything i did and i am quite surprised i made it as far as i did. i’m so thankful for the hosts for a great game and everyone for being so nice to me even when i was ANNOYING!

Ali TIME FOR A SOPPY PARAGRAPH, lets get hecked. Emily, as one of two people to like… bring you in the community, it's been such a pleasure to see you grow. You have this energy of self belief, that is honestly…. so great to see? While it meant you were terrifying to play with, I was so proud of you almost for being arguably the biggest threat in the entire cast.You were always a good player, even in Azores for your first game, but I think you have the self belief now in what you are doing that makes you such a force to be reckoned with?  Like Duncan, it's my pleasure to call you a friend before the season and I’m looking forward to continuing to be friends, thankfully without needing to talk game! I don’t want to get gushy, but I’m just…. such an Emily fan? Like you just have this really just universal effect on people where everyone wants to be your friend? You are just super fun, and have this confidence that makes you just such a well rounded person? Enough mush, I just wanted to say how proud I am of you on a personal level, and that it was such fun to play together and reinforce our friendship!  

Dana Ahh what do I even say! I spent so much of this game thinking about you, and talking about you, and wondering how I was possibly going to work with you when you are so nice, endearing, and friendly—exactly the opposite of who I am (rip). Honestly, I was a little intimidated by you, but despite us not working together and rarely talking about the game, my fear was always met with kindness on your end. You’re a great player, your mist is STRONG, and your strength at this game really challenged me to have to work harder and smarter in order to be sitting where I am, so thank you!

Kevin QUEEN!!! Queen of Survivor, queen of Panera, queen of small North Carolina towns. I was shook that I like...got to even work with you in this game if that makes sense? Does it??? Idk! You're an amazing beautiful iconic person and I'm so glad I got to work with you in this game and get to know you ajsjd

Zach Not miss Emily! Shoutout to Emily via insta @emilysledgee wooh! Okay now for the other stuff… where do I even begin. You were probably one of my closest allies as a whole throughout this game. I knew of you before the game started, and I just felt like you hated me because i’m paranoid and then instantly I felt like we connected. Then luckily, for me at least and i’m sorry this might not be good for you, we got to play on the same tribe the entire game and I genuinely was so happy because you were on of my favourite people to message and talk to and everything. We called quite a bit and I vented to you and you’d vent to me and ugh it was just… I really like you Emily. Like, game aside, you’re a phenomenal individual and, well, incorporating game, you’re such a great game player. I think the most fond memory I have with you (and this is going to be an upset MSDGKSD) was when my instagram was glitching - well, it still is - and you went off private because you wanted me to follow you and it let EVERY. SINGLE. REQUEST. Follow you and it didn’t even LET ME FOLLOW you ASKGDHFL. I had so many great times with you and… i’m sorry it was spoiled during your vote. You were just such a threat, playing so well, having the advantage that you didn’t tell me about :/ and… i felt like your vote was necessary moving forward in this game. I really hope you weren’t too upset or anything because it was all strategy and I absolutely love you to the moon and back and to the moon again and back again and… ugh. You’re great, emily, you really are, and I hope we can definitely talk once this is over because I enjoyed every minute I spent with you. And P.S., I won’t play a great soundtrack and bring you to exile with me,,, love u!!

Hello everyone and its the winner of All Stars 7th place Cameron! I’m writing this when I’m very sad so like.. that’s all I gotta say. This game was awesome and I’m proud of how all of us played! Good job everyone! 

Ali I am what I am, and what I am is a Cam stan. I could go into gamey stuff and explain why I voted you out, but I think you know…. It's because you were literally winning. You had glown UP this season as a player, i remember when we called on the night of the one world and I was like…. whomst is this person and what have they done with Cameron, you just had such self confidence and sense of self worth, that I’m really hoping you translate into your real life, because you are always so down on yourself and really shouldn’t be because you are truly the best. And now that I’ve kind of loosely touched on game, it's time for a “why I love Cameron speech”. RoP is kind of a weird place to do this, but you are someone that sometimes doesn’t realise how much they are LOVED by so SO many people, so  I’m hoping you can use this as a pick-me-up when you feel down.

Cameron, you are one of my favourite people ever and it's my genuine PLEASURE to call you one of my best (or beest) friends. What I value in you most is your…. Loyalty? You will fight to the death for your friends, and I really hope I am as a good of a friend to you as you are to me. Whether you are having a down day or not, you will swoop in and make sure everyone is okay, and I think that’s a really really great characteristic to have. Also, you are so funny, like I think there are few people in this game who can make me laugh as much as you do? You just have this infectious joyful energy that means people can’t help but love being around you (the non-problematic people anyway). You are one of my favourite people ever, and I just wish sometimes you knew just how great you really are.  

Dana Cam the ham.  My favorite upsetting (in training) bb. Going from having you host my first Athena game to getting to play our first game together, our relationship has come a long way and is one that is so important to me. I’m sorry I robbed you in this game, but I knew I had no chance of making it to this point in the game with you despite how much I enjoyed every minute of us working together, and I think you knew the same. I’m so glad we got so close and that you’ve been such an accepting friend, because let’s be honest, I’m cracked and A LOT, but you always listen when I’m being crazy, which I love. Watching you play such a strong game is something I am so proud of you for. Love you Ham-eron!!

Kevin We've been over this but... I wanted to work with you, because the brief moments when we did work together were great, but in this game there came a point where there was a lack of any trust. You're a super lovely person which made it hurt the most and I'm sorry if this sounds fake and like I'm just kissing ass skskd, I truly love you

Zach Cameron… I just don’t know where to start with any of these ROPs. Okay. I felt like premerge we didn’t have a connection obviously because… we never were together. The first time we were on the same tribe was literally merge (well, one world, but that was for 2 days), which is somewhat shocking. I did enjoy working with you, i’ll admit. After we all came together post-Will vote and started planning together, I was really happy because we’d call quite a bit and just… laugh and talk about anything and everything. Whether it was going to have Dana play that fake dog idol or just talking about game purely, it was so much fun and I don’t regret one second of it. The reason for your vote, at least to me, was that you were clearly in a similar mindset with me. Like, we knew our interests didn’t align. And keep in mind, that’s literally ignoring the fact that you played this game so hard and so good, helping spearhead multiple votes directly and just… you played phenomenally. So just with all this information combined, you were my biggest threat at the time and I think your vote was critical to determining how this game would result. Also, let me say that I was genuinely ready for you to swipe the merge idol out of your pocket and just be like “thought you seen the last of me? Surprise!!” like… i was on EDGE that entire night. In the end, I wish I could’ve been slightly more honest about me voting you but just with paranoia and how you weren’t honest with me, it felt necessary. You’re a great person at heart and everything, and I really hope we can continue talking post game because I love you and you know that, and you know I wouldn’t do anything based on personal feelings, but rather game related issues. I hope to see you soon, love <3 :]

This was such a wonderful and unique experience and it was amazing playing a cast filled with true all stars. I can really say that I’ve become a lot closer with a lot of you through this

Ali Hey Ashvika! You were one of the few people I didn’t actually really have any connection to pre-season, and it's been SO GREAT getting to know you. You are just such a nice and pleasant person to talk to, that I can see why you won last season! We were on the same tribe together for our entire game, and it's been really great to ride the all stars wave with you. I’m sorry you got voted out in such a like…. wild way, but an unprecedented exit like that is only fit for an icon like yourself. You have been such a joy to play with, whether things were going your way or not, you would take it in your stride and just keep going.  

Dana Things just never seem to work out for us in games do they!? I love you so much despite our flop at working together, but I’m glad I got to know you better this time around!  You put a lot of trust in me at a few points during this game and I’m really thankful that you trusted me enough to do that.  I learned a lot about being dedicated from you in this game. You always give your 100% effort and are so passionate about playing, which was really refreshing!

Kevin you didn't deserve that!! i'm so upset you had to go, the instant tribal twist really robbed you :( we didn't get to work together/talk game until the merge and i feel like i got to trust you more and more, sad it happened like it did :(

Zach ASHVIKA! It’s ugly that we never really talked substantially until merge, but even on OG Vireao we connected slightly. I love you and I genuinely was so excited seeing you cast because I heard so much about you and I saw you in Unova and everything was so satisfying. We talked and I love that we had similar courses and we literally live close to each other and maybe we could meet up soon?? Wig?!!! But yeah. In the game i really enjoyed our mini conversations, and I hate that we only started talking a significant amount near the end of your journey :(... i feel bad that a lot of things went down during your trip, but in the end it probably was for the best because tbh that tribal was not only deadly, but… stressful as heck. Now for game. I think you played such a likeable game and that’s what was most threatening about you, like… I had so many conversations with people and when your name got brought up, it was the idea of “oh my gosh, she’s won her season unanimously” which just made you seem like a phenomenal player, and I definitely see that myself. I really wish there wasn’t a live tribal that night because had there not been, we would’ve gotten at LEAST two more days to talk and it would’ve been so fun because you were someone I talked to the most, especially during that phase of the game. Of course though, I love you greatly and I think you’re a peach, and I hope to continue our friendship once this game is over, and I really hope to get to play another game with you sometime soon :’) <3 love you queen. 

I’m incredibly grateful I got the chance to come back and be a big snake again. I loved playing with so many new people and I genuinely hope we can all be friends woooo!

Ali Owen, I am SO blessed to know you. Like again, game aside because aside from when I got sad, I did send you an explanation for voting you out, but I just wanna… ramble about how great you are. This is my third game of only four that I’ve played, that I played with you and every time is just a genuine blast. You are just such a fun-loving person, and you are just such a great friend to me, especially in this game. I’ve tried to play differently this season and actually made moves, and I don’t think I could’ve done it without the emotional support that on a personal level you provided me with? Like it's kind of unfair to have lumbered a lot of that on you, but the reason I did is because I have such trust in you as a friend. I just think you are just… such a great person. I am also INCREDIBLY honoured that the first person to vote for me in any game ever was you, like in a weird way that’s just… really amazing, to have _the_ Owen vote for me. I just… I really think you are such an amazing person and like a real role model, both as a player (because oh my god you are always so scary to play with) and just as a person? Like I just think you are such a good person through and through, and I’m so glad to know you.  

Dana My snake husband! I’ll forever feel guilty for robbing you of final tribal in this game, but just know that I wouldn’t have had to do it if I didn’t think you were one of the most intelligent and brilliant players I have gotten the opportunity to play with. I’m so glad we finally got redemption from our “alliance” in Festive and actually became good friends. Without you I am certain I wouldn’t be where I am in this game right now, so I am immensely appreciative of our relationship in this game. See u soon my new upsetting pal, sending u love from ur favorite arteest.

Kevin Legend :(( Like I said to you you probably could've beaten any of us from how well you played, you were just a smart, insightful, strategic player. I hated having to be part of the swing vote for it sjdjdj. ps: please tell your mother she's iconic and an all-star

Zach bye bye. This is going to be so hard to write and i’m already feeling anxious and sad again. The first time in this game we got to play together was during the swap phase of the game. I felt like we connected, and it was different than our time in Festive. It felt more genuine, it really did. We’d call sometimes too and just, I don’t know. I loved that alliance of you/me/emily that was made, and I just was so excited to play with you again, and hopefully together this time. You were someone I trusted a lot, and you never broke that, and I want to say thank you for that right now before I get into anything else. So, thank you. During merge, I still felt like we had a connection, but I think it was mostly during round two (of merge) when we started talking a lot. I’m struggling to pick out one single memory because I laughed too many times and too hard at so many of our conversations and I don’t even know where to go from here. Just the call about “mario” to making a group text chat and being upsetting to just about anything, or even that time when we called and i lied just for dana to tell you the truth 2 minutes later and then me apologize in the broken language i spoke in and just SMDGLKSD ugh there’s too much. There literally is too much to talk about. From the game standpoint, I think it’s obvious. You hands down played one of the best games this season, and you not only helped orchestrate many moves but you were just a social goddess to the point where I like… was on the verge of tears about having to vote you out. I didn’t even want to attend tribal because it was so awful and I just couldn’t speak without choking up and ugh. You’re a great person Owen and I really hope we can continue talking after this game and that we are able to play a game again because you made me such a wario/waluigi STAN and I never had one dull moment with you and argh. Dana and I would just talk about how amazing you were, and this is getting too long I need to STOP. I love you and I hope you know that I only did what I thought was best, and I really hope you’re willing to wear steel toed boots and kick my jaw because that’s what I deserve for committing the robbery that the four of us did. Love u lots O N, bye bye <3 :]