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disco-self-ships · 2 years ago

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I'm so curious about Tuco's hacker lapdog plsss tell me about him 🤲

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL REVEAL MY HALF-BAKED BACKSTORY (<- guy who writes smut and poetry, not plot.)

This ended up... so long somehow. I was worried that I wouldn't have much to say, but it just started pouring out of me as soon as I started typing (much of it made up on the spot 👍🏻)

Tw for violence, abuse, dubcon, and drugs (obviously lol.) I can have a dark self ship. As a treat.

I'm tentatively trying out giving my S/I a name that isn't my irl one. For whatever reason I just cannot use a name that doesn't have some connection to my irl one, so it had to start with a T at least, and hopefully this isn't weird but I wanted it to have a similar meaning to Rivera (ignore me feeding our red string of fate into our self ship canon) so I ended up on Trent!

I haven't really landed on a surname for him but I'll probably just go with something common and simple. I like how Trent Adams sounds.

Trent was born in WA in 1980, making him 22 at the beginning of B/CS and 28 at the beginning of B/rBa, although he didn't start working for Tuco until 2003 when he was 23.

Growing up, he was fascinated by media depictions of hacking, and when he was a teenager an older friend-of-a-friend (Doug) took him under his wing and taught him coding/hacking.

As an adult, Trent had trouble keeping a job and as a result borrowed quite a bit of money from Doug over the years. His debt piled up but Doug accepted small payments and Trent working odd jobs for him. Doug moved to NM in 2002 for a mysterious "job opportunity" that he wouldn't tell Trent about.

In early 2003, Doug called Trent and begged him to let him bring him to ABQ and do some work for his boss. As it turned out, Doug had been dealing for Tuco Salamanca while he'd been living in NM and he fucked up bad by getting mugged while carrying a huge amount of cash. He didn't have any way to pay Tuco back quickly enough, so in a fit of desperation he offered up Trent's services, as Trent still owed him a lot of money, so both of their debts could be squared off at once.

Tuco initially had no interest in some random guy who had no experience in the business, but Doug talked up the usefulness of having someone with hacking experience. Now, we know that Tuco can be swayed it you know how to talk to him, so he got into the idea of having his own personal hacker (not that he knew what that really means or entails as he's pretty much computer illiterate, but he likes stuff that sounds cool) and accepted Doug's offer of having Trent come work for him for free.

Doug drove all the way to WA to pick Trent up and gave him the rundown (much to his horror) during the drive back to ABQ about who Tuco is and what kind of business he deals in. He advised Trent to keep his mouth shut as much as possible and stay out of the way when Tuco's temper flared up. Naturally, Trent wanted to back out of the whole thing, but he didn't want his friend (who had helped him so much over the years) to get hurt, or potentially killed, plus the idea of squaring his debt was appealing, so he went along with it.

When Tuco and Trent met for the first time, Tuco literally laughed in his face and made fun of his stature and appearance. He obviously didn't take Trent seriously at all. Trent was offended, but too intimidated to say anything (<- which of course is a good thing as there's a good chance that Tuco would have just killed him.)

Doug put Trent up in a motel (as this whole thing was supposed to be a temporary arrangement), but Trent ended up at Tuco's place pretty much every day, as he needed a computer to work on, which Tuco provided. This had the added benefit (for Tuco at least) of letting him keep on eye on Trent.

Tuco started making passes as Trent pretty quickly, but Trent isn't great at reading social cues (he also assumed that Tuco was straight) so he kept brushing it off (but not actually turning Tuco down as he didn't realize there was an offer in the first place.) This pissed Tuco off as he felt as if he was being teased or possibly made fun of and in true Tuco fashion he flipped out. After shoving Trent into a wall, putting his knife to his throat, and accusing him of fucking with him, Tuco realized that Trent was genuinely unaware of how he'd been coming across. He found it pretty funny, and made his advances much more obvious and aggressive after that.

The beginning of their sexual relationship's consensuality was... questionable at best. Trent of course was terrified of Tuco, was his direct subordinate, and had gotten a sense of "no one says no to a Salamanca." He did find Tuco physically attractive from the first day they met, but he never had any intention of pursuing anything past a professional relationship (and he didn't even really choose that.)

Nacho got a sense of what was going on between Tuco and Trent pretty much immediately and took pity on Trent. He told him that it was for the best, as the more Tuco liked him the safer he'd be from his random violent outbursts, and the more protection he'd have from outside parties (this might seem like a cold way to comfort someone, but this was before they became friends, when Nacho viewed Trent as just another person he had to corral to keep business running smooth.)

Tuco saw Trent's presence and work very much as just a novelty for the first couple of months. Only after Trent crashed the fledgling computer network of a major competitor did Tuco realize that Trent could actually be useful to his business. This made him like Trent on a more serious level and start to want to get to know him for real. This and another incident where Tuco almost killed him (beat and strangled him while high, Tuco felt guilty about it when he sobered up) made him realize that he was actually becoming genuinely fond of him and he ended up going to Nacho for advice on how to make Trent less scared of him.

Somewhere around that time, (do I have an actual timeline worked out to make this story more clear? Hell no!) Tuco moved Trent into his house (under the guise of "keeping an eye on him", when in actuality he was beginning to feel deeply possessive over him, and let's be real, he wanted easy sexual access.)

Their relationship is (and was to an even higher extent during the beginning) closer to owner-and-pet than an equal romantic partnership. Tuco views Trent as more of a thing that he owns than a person who works for him. Tuco was, and is, extremely possessive and jealous over Trent. He's frustrated by his inability to publicly "claim" Trent due to being unable to be openly bi and struggles with letting Trent be alone with other men (Nacho and his cousins are the exception to this.)

Over time their relationship became sort of an open secret as Tuco insists on keeping Trent close even when there's no business-related reason for it, dressing Trent up how he likes (very expensive and gaudy, the complete opposite of how Trent naturally dresses), and becoming enraged any time someone insults or snubs Trent in any way. The people around them started catching on pretty quickly, but generally know better than to bring it up.

Tuco was/is very afraid of Trent betraying him (whether it be cheating on him or something to do with business) and once Lalo entered the picture, he asked him to keep an eye on Trent and report back anything suspicious.

Tuco made it crystal clear from the beginning that he would kill Trent if he tried to run or betray him, so Trent really has no intention of doing so. That doesn't stop Tuco from making him swear that he'll never betray him and that he belongs totally to him pretty much every day. No one has ever claimed that Tuco isn't exhausted to deal with, least of all Trent :^P

Alright, this is way too long. I could talk about Trent and Tuco's fucked up relationship for a year straight if you let me :^P And that's not even getting into his relatively normal friendships with Nacho, Domingo, and Rivera, and his mutually suspicious, tentative friendship/cousin-in-law-ish-thing with Lalo and the twins.

#THERE WE GO. PROPER AND FLESHED OUT S/I. SORT OF.#the usefulness of hacking in canon is. extremely questionable. as well as my knowledge of early 2000s computers and hacking practices :^P #BUT I find the thought of a bunch of rival meth dealers getting fucked over by some rando with a computer really funny. so here we are.#🥊🚬#asks

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 2 months ago

Text

Gravity Part One

Part Two

Pairing: Jack Abbot x Reader

Notes: Welcome back to another accidental three-parter. Not beta-read.

Rating: M

Length: 5.6K

Warnings: Yearning (a frickin lot); slow burn; coworkers to friends to lovers; angst; fluff; canon-typical medical chat; fluff; POV switches a couple of times; Reader is roommates with Ellis; Jack 'Prolonged Eye Contact' Abbot

Summary: Abbot didn’t make you uncomfortable, per se. But the nerves that had welled around him during your first few weeks at the Pitt had never really gone away. If you were hard-pressed to examine and classify your feelings, you would (grudgingly) sort them into the mild to moderately romantic category. You blamed him for that entirely.

It wasn't fair, of course. He was handsome, knowledgeable, charming when he wanted to be. He was an amazing physician, an excellent teacher. And it wasn't his fault you had a bit of competency kink. Abbot had never made you feel anything but valued—and nervous.

Besides, it was embarrassing to admit that you had a crush on a man that you’d hardly looked in the eye for the last few years.

It started when she was an intern.

Jack was fully aware of his tendency toward strong eye contact. It helped him make sure he was fully getting a point across when he was guiding residents in the ER—so long as their focus wasn't meant to be elsewhere.

He managed to meet her eye fully exactly twice—and maybe it was odd, but Jack could remember both times clear as day.

The first one was her first day at the Pitt, when she’d shook his hand, introduced herself with a nervous tremor in her voice. Her palm had been a little sweaty, and cold, but her eyes had held his.

The second had been a week or so later, the first time she’d lost a patient. He’d clapped her on the shoulder, reassured her that there was nothing more she could’ve done. He’d tacked on, “Don’t let it happen again,” and he’d been kidding—but she had balked, ducked her head, apologized, and hurried away.

She had rarely met his eye since then.

At first, he’d figured that she was shy, and that she’d grow out of it. Then, he’d thought that maybe she was more reserved at work—some people simply kept their personal and professional lives separate.

But those notions had been disproven time and time and time again: when she palled around with her fellow residents; when she watched and communicated with Walsh attentively; when the senior resident that was clearly hitting on her leaned just a little too close for Jack’s liking in the staff room.

She hadn’t backed down from a single one, hardly batted a damn eyelash.

But any time she spotted Jack, her eyes would lower or dart away—to the floor, to her hands, to a chart, to the sandwich cart, to a counter.

Now, Jack was not a man to take these things personally, but after all these years, it stuck in his craw. He didn’t think about it most days, had learned to take it in stride, found ways to work with it. It had never caused a hold up during a procedure, or in the event of an emergency. She was always active in communicating with him, she just…Never looked at him.

“You’re going to burn a hole through her head.”

Jack hadn’t realized he was staring until Lena said so. He glanced toward the nurse, eyed her knowing smile, and redirected his focus to the computer in front of him.

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

Lena snorted, turning back to the desk as someone approached to ask her a question.

Jack only half-listened, unable to help his eyes drifting toward her again. She was hunched over her own computer, and seemed to be fighting back a smile at something Shen was saying. Another comment or two from Shen, and then her chin was tipping up, a bright smile on her lips as she held Shen’s eye.

Jack huffed a soft laugh through his nose at the sound of Shen’s cackling laugh, and it was like watching ripples in a pond—her head tipped, her brow furrowed, and her eyes darted in Jack’s direction. The smile flattened when she caught him looking, her focus lowering to her keyboard as she hurriedly straightened. She seemed to point to the charge board, mutter something, and turned on her heel, striding away with purpose.

Jack couldn’t help a swell of petty disappointment. What the hell was that? There was no way she’d heard him laugh. It was like she’d sensed a disturbance in the force. Jack shook his head, trying to refocus on the chart.

Did she panic because he had been smiling? Had he been staring at her as long as Lena implied? Did he look like some dirty old man?

Jack pushed off of the desk, eyeing the charge board with purpose. Whatever it was that made her skitter away like that—well. He’d forget it by tomorrow.

“Hey. You headed in?”

You glanced back, doing a double-take at the site of Ellis standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Uh—Yeah, just packin’ a few snacks. You need anything?”

“I got something to ask you.”

“Sure, what’s up?” You turned to face her, folding your arms expectantly. In the entire time you and Ellis had been roommates, you’d never seen her look concerned like this—and she usually didn’t bother trying to be delicate when broaching a difficult subject.

“Parker, what is it?” You pressed.

“Is something going on between you and Abbot?”

Your brow furrowed, mouth falling open as if to answer—but what the hell kind of question was that?

“Excuse me?”

“You and Abbot, what’s going on?”

“There’s nothing going on.”

“You sure?”

“I think I’d know if something was happening between us, El. Where the hell did this come from, anyway?”

“Shen said the two of you were weird yesterday, that Abbot looked at you and you bolted. And—” She shrugged, “You kinda always seem like that. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened yesterday! I realized I needed to go check on a patient, I’d just gotten their results back.”

“And all the other times?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Ellis gave you a long look before she relented, holding her hands up in surrender with a mutter of, “Alright.”

“Great.”

“If you insist—”

“I do insist.”

“But you know what they say about people who protest too much.”

“Cap it, Hamlet. You on tonight?”

“Yep,” Ellis nodded.

“See you in there.”

“If you wanna wait, I’ll drive you.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” You shifted your bag onto your shoulder. “The walk is good for me.”

“We’re gonna be on our feet for the next twelve hours.”

“I like a warm-up,” You insisted. “See you in there.”

Slow and steady, that was how you left the apartment—even steps, a measured pocket-pat-down at the door to make sure you had your phone, keys, wallet, ID badge…And then you were out the door.

Out the door, and down the stairs, and cursing under your breath as you stepped out onto the street. Where the hell did Ellis get off, asking something like that? Implying that something could be going on between you and Abbot? You hardly spoke to the guy. Hell—you felt like you barely said more than two words to the man that didn’t have anything to do with work. The implication that the two of you had something going on was categorically insane—and it twisted your gut up in a knot.

The closer you got to the Pitt, the worse the feeling got, until it was bordering on nausea. You stopped a block away, drawing in a deep breath and puffing it out between your lips, trying to shake yourself of the feeling. Damnit, why’d you let Ellis get in your head that way?

You drew in another steadying breath as you started forward again, trying to shake the nerves out of your hands. This shift was going to be fine—as seamless as the ones before it.

“You doin’ okay?”

It was a fair question asked by the last person you wanted to hear it from. The shift had been hell. Patient after patient seemed to have some hitch. You were slower to respond when Abbot asked you questions, prompted you. It was only made worse by the feeling of Ellis and Shen watching every goddamn interaction.

Now, the test results were back for the patient you were least looking forward to seeing. The patient herself was sweet, but you were getting nowhere with her overbearing husband answering nearly every question for her.

You pushed yourself to straighten up.

“Fine,” You insisted flatly. “Thanks.” You straightened fully, hesitating as you heard him take a step away. “Actually—”

It was out of your mouth before you could stop it. You saw Abbot go still in your periphery, and your hands flexed around the iPad in your hands.

“I’m having trouble getting answers from a patient—a woman with a head injury. She said she slipped and whacked it, but based on where the cut is...I don't think it's possible. And her husband’s an overbearing ass. I’ve got a bad feeling about him.”

“Abusive?”

“I think so. Could you run interference?”

“Sure. You have one of those pens, one of the—”

“I always keep a couple in my pocket.”

She steeled herself before she went into the examination bay. Jack had seen her do it time and time again when she could. He wondered how it steadied her, savored the way that she closed her eyes for a split-second, drew in a deep breath, and then slapped a smile on before pulling the curtain back.

"How are we doing in here?"

Her chipper tone did nothing to reveal the concern that she'd shared with him moments ago. Abbot followed close behind, taking in the young woman laying in a hospital gown on the bed, and the man standing just beside her at the head. Abbot took another step toward the bed, then stopped as the woman seemed seemed to shrink back, attempting to make herself smaller.

"She's fine." The man's voice was gruff in his insistence, his hand curled into a fist just by his wife's head. Abbot's eyes skated across the bruises and scrapes to the knuckles there, his own hands wringing behind his back as he took another step closer.

Jack saw her glance back toward him before she gestured, "Dr. Abbot, this is Nick and Amanda Alpers. Mr. and Mrs. Alpers, this is Dr. Abbot. He's the ER's foremost expert on head injuries." An easy fib, and it seemed to be a necessary one.

"Aren't you all trained on the same shit?" Nick grumbled. Abbot took a couple of steps closer, taking in the slight matting of hair on the wife's head, the dark clotting of blood.

"We all have our own experiences that inform how we practice," Abbot passed easily, taking one more step. "Mrs. Alpers, would it be alright if I examined the—"

"It's just a scrape, really!" The insistence was hurried, and left the poor woman in a squeak. Abbot forced a small smile, giving a conceding nod.

"May I examine the scrape?" He conceded.

Amanda's eyes seemed to dart to Nick for permission, and only after a hefty sigh did Nick wave Abbot closer.

He couldn't help but note the way his fellow doctor rounded the bed, caught on the slight flurry of her questions as he gloved up.

"Are you feeling any pressure?" He asked, gently parting the hair to get a better look at the bloody, raised bump on her head.

"N-no. No more than usual—I mean! No more than anyone ever usually feels," Amanda hurried to answer. Abbot's eyes lifted to the doctor on the opposite side of the bed just in time to see her fingers tightening around her iPad.

"Any sensitivity to light, sound...?" Abbot went on, drawing his penlight out of his pocket and shining it from one eye to the next.

"Nn-nn."

"Hm."

"If that's all, can we go?" Nick groused. "Already been a waste of a night."

Abbot straightened, sizing Nick up. He waited for his fellow physician to say something, but—Nothing. He looked at her, certain she was eyeing the chart, but realized immediately that it was a mistake. Her eyes were right on his, widening pointedly as they darted to the creep beside her. Abbot cleared his throat, doing his best to focus on the patient—though he knew he'd be tucking that look away for himself.

"Nick, can I have a word?" He asked, gesturing toward the nurse's station.

"What for?"

Abbot pushed a short breath out through his nose as he rounded the bed, taking even steps so as not to raise the brute's hackles.

"There are some things that I'd like to discuss with you. Things that, you know," He nodded, "Women shouldn't hear."

Watching understanding wash over Nick's face made his stomach turn. It was a wonder the man had brought his wife to the ER at all if that was the attitude he held.

"We won't go far?" Nick pressed, though he was already moving.

"No, no," Jack insisted, following him out, "Just a few feet." He gave her one last look, and a quick nod before tugging the observation curtain closed behind them.

The knot that had formed in your stomach only tightened, but it wasn’t for your own nerves or panic anymore. You didn't like letting her go, hated seeing her leave with him. Abbot came to a stop beside you, and for a moment, the two of you just watched Nick steer Amanda out of the ER.

"What'd you say to him?" You asked.

"Distracted him with football."

"I didn't know you watched."

“Sometimes. She take the pen?” He asked.

“...Yeah.”

“It’s a start.”

“Might be too little, too late.”

“She’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

“You think so?”

“Sure.”

“...I gave her my number, too.”

You saw Abbot’s head turn toward you, and you froze, biting the inside of your cheek.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” It should’ve been more of a scold, but you could’ve sworn his tone was tinged with admiration.

“I know.”

“What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” You turned away from Abbot. “Thanks again for distracting him.”

“...No problem. Will you tell me if she calls?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, turning to look at the board. “Hope she does—and soon.”

“Was that all that was bothering you?”

“What?”

“You seemed a little off earlier. Just making sure everything’s okay.”

Well, Abbot always was the observant type. It was one of the things that made him such a good doctor. You shouldn’t have been offended by his question, but in that moment, his concern was as unwelcome as Ellis probing had been just a few hours before.

“Just one of those days—nights,” You corrected, “You know.”

“Take a couple minutes, get some air.”

“I’m alright.” And before you could stop yourself, you gave him a grateful smile before turning away. In truth, you weren't entirely sure where you were headed to—you’re more distracted by the fact that you’d met the guy’s eye more in the last twenty minutes than you probably had in the last two years.

“Here.”

“Thanks,” You took your beer as Ellis set it down and settled into the seat across from you. “John on his way?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, “And uh…Don’t kill me, but he’s bringing someone.”

You frowned, shaking your head as you waited for her to explain. Ellis didn’t elaborate, merely tipped her brows up. It only took a second for you to put the pieces together, and you groaned, sliding down in your chair as nerves flooded your stomach.

“Parker—”

“It’s just a coincidence!” She took in your unimpressed glare, corrected, “Mostly a coincidence. We always ask, he almost never says yes. It’s as hard to talk him into coming out as it is to talk you into it. Besides, it’ll help!”

“There’s nothing here that needs helping.”

“It’s slowing things down—”

“When has it ever slowed anything down?”

“Last few shifts, he’s waited for you to look at him when you answer and nothing. It’s making shit weird. We leave that messy personal bull for the day shift.”

“I’m not—This isn’t messy, it’s just—”

“You barely look at the guy. We all notice it.”

“He’s so big on frickin’ eye contact, like,” You glanced around the bar, “It’s intimidating.”

“Intimidating?”

“Yeah.”

“Intimidating.”

“Yes! I barely even like making eye contact with you, but I live with you, so it’s mostly unavoidable.”

“You love it.”

“Sure. Who wouldn’t want to be adopted by the meanest lesbian in the ER?”

“I thought that was Garcia.”

“No, she’s the meanest lesbian in surgery.”

Ellis’ smile widened before she perked up, waving at someone behind you before she leaned in just a touch.

“Just be yourself, be cool.”

“Pick one.”

“You know, I bet he thinks you hate him.”

“What?” You hissed, “Why would he think that? And—Why would he give a shit, plenty of people hate their boss. Not that I hate him, I don’t, just—”

“Hey!” Shen’s voice cut over your nervous chatter, and you couldn’t stop your knee-jerk reaction of turning to look at him—and spotting Abbot just a couple of steps behind. Shen patted you on the shoulder, settling down beside you as Abbot rounded the table. Your eyes glued to your beer instinctively as he shrugged out of his jacket, sitting down beside Ellis. And you thought you’d just managed to be subtle enough—until both Shen and Ellis kicked you lightly under the table. It took everything in you not to kick back, instead lifting your head to meet Abbot’s eye, plastering a small smile on your lips.

“Hi.”

“Hello.” There was a little lean to his lo, a friendly tease that you felt like you hadn’t earned. And there was eye contact—heavy, steady eye contact as he folded his arms on the table. You tried to ignore the traitorous little flip in your stomach as you hurriedly lowered your eyes to the table, picking your beer up and taking a swig to try and drown the flurrying butterflies.

“We miss anything good?” Shen plied. Ellis shook her head.

“We were just talking about renewing our lease.”

“I forgot you two were roommates,” Abbot commented. Ellis must’ve told him, and you couldn’t fathom why he’d remember.

“What’s the verdict?” Shen asked.

“We’re gonna stick,” You reported as you looked at him. “Rent is going up, but, like, barely…Barely.”

“And the location is too good,” Ellis tacked on. “Half an hour to the Pitt walking, fifteen minutes by car—utilities don’t suck, either.”

“Decent space,” You added, “And allows dogs—if this one goes through with getting a dog.”

“I’m still in research and development.”

“Aren’t you allergic?” Shen nudged your arm.

“Yeah, but not deathly. And if she picks a breed that doesn’t shed much and has a low can f 1 gene—”

“I want to adopt from a shelter—”

“So I’ll probably be moving out as soon as that happens,” You teased, “Because god knows she’ll wind up with a mutt.”

“And sublet?”

“Sure, John. You can move into my room, I’ll move into your place. Even trade.”

“I don’t know about that—”

“Better rent, better location.”

“You won’t mind being further from the Pitt?”

“Nah,” You shrugged, “I like a long walk.”

“Sure does,” Ellis rolled her eyes, “I don’t know anyone that spends more time just wandering around on their days off.”

“Is it a crime to enjoy being outside when the sun is up?”

“You ever think of switching to day shift?”

Abbot’s question caught you off-guard—it was like you’d fallen into such an easy rhythm with Ellis and Shen that you'd almost managed to forget that he was there. Your fingers tightened around your beer as you forced yourself to meet Abbot’s eye again.

“Not once.”

It was the truth, and it made Abbot’s smile widen in a way that felt dangerously vindicating. Unnerving quiet wrapped around your shared gaze, and Ellis clearing her throat was what finally snapped you out of looking at him.

“So, hey,” Shen jumped in, “Did I tell you guys about my latest acquisition?”

“Jesus fucking christ,” You muttered over Ellis’ low whistle.

“Another ebay war?” She asked.

“Not a war, an easy buy,” Shen insisted, “You know, for—”

“Yeah, your shank bank, we remember,” You insisted, smile pulling wide as both Abbot and Ellis’ laughter catches from that side of the table. “That weird-ass collection of antique medical equipment—fucking medical history nerd.”

“I keep them as a display!”

“Must really get ‘em going on a date night. Nothing hotter to a woman than rusty scalpels,” You batted back, nudging Shen’s shoulder with yours. You didn’t mean to catch Abbot’s eye on your way back to looking at Ellis again. And this look didn’t hold for as long as the one before it—but it was just long enough to reawaken the butterflies, even as Shen insisted,

“This one isn’t even rusty!”

As you turned in for the night, Ellis teased you, insisted, “See, it wasn’t that bad.”

You didn’t argue, because she wasn't wrong—it wasn’t the worst way to spend an afternoon out. But it was…Different.

Your aversion to Dr. Abbot’s attention had started your first week at the Pitt, when he’d stuck close during an intubation. He hadn’t been breathing down your neck, but his steady focus had made you so damn nervous. You were used to your attendings being just a little scattered, torn in six different directions. And other matters had vied for Abbot’s attention, sure, but he hadn’t heeded them until the patient was in the clear.

You’d started to avoid his gaze after that, and it had just become second nature. Avoiding eye contact turned into avoiding him during the quiet moments of your shifts, which turned into a patient-treatment-only conversational focus. Abbot consulted on your cases, made recommendations, listened to your rationalizations.

When he did insist on meeting your eye, you gave him just a long enough look to show that you’d heard him, but never anything more. You’d avoided palling around with him, even though you palled around with your fellow residents, and with other attendings—but you were comfortable with them.

And Abbot didn’t make you uncomfortable, per se. But the nerves that had welled around him during your first few weeks at the Pitt had never really gone away. If you were hard-pressed to examine and classify your feelings, you would (grudgingly) sort them into the mild to moderately romantic category. You blamed him for that entirely.

Besides, it was embarrassing to admit that you had a crush on a man that you’d hardly looked in the eye for the last few years.

You could understand how Abbot may’ve thought you didn’t like him—if he really thought that. But he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who needed everyone to like him. It probably helped, sure, but you were positive that your countenance had never caused a slow-down or a hitch in the ER, no matter what Ellis said. You were just focused—and since when was that a bad thing?

Either way, today had been kinda…okay. You’d made nice with Abbot, made eye contact multiple times without Ellis or Shen kicking you in the shins again. Whatever wound up happening, you’d tried, and they couldn’t take that away from you, right?

You settled in bed, letting your eyes slip closed, drawing in a deep breath to relax yourself.

For all your initial irritation, Ellis was right—it wasn’t that bad.

But it didn’t stop Abbot’s warm gaze from lingering behind your eyelids when you closed them, and it couldn’t keep the mirthful roll of his chuckle from playing through your mind as you tried to drift off.

You decided to make it a little experiment, approach it as something that you could train yourself out of. Seeing him over drinks had laid the groundwork—and you had managed to look at him twice a few shifts ago, hadn’t you?

You went into your next shift determined to look Abbot in the eye three times.

You only managed it once when you passed him by the board—a glance and a small wave.

The smile that he returned flustered you so much that you nearly walked into the sandwich cart, and it scared you out of looking at him for the rest of the night. As a matter of fact, it scared you out of it the next shift, and the one after that.

You talked yourself out of the whole foolish endeavor. You’d managed to work with Abbot perfectly well before, why change things now? Especially when looking at him seemed to awaken something girlish and fluttering inside of you—and you couldn’t afford to be girlish and fluttering at work.

She was doing it again.

Jack had thought they had turned a corner after Shen and Ellis had invited them all out together, but things seemed to be moving in reverse. It had gone beyond sticking in his craw—it was almost nagging at him now, and worse now that he knew what the full force of her focus was like. It was easy to brush off before, but these days Jack was hard-pressed to admit that he felt something in him wilt whenever she avoided his eye.

She was making a meal of it now, focused stalwartly as she instructed Javadi on setting a bone. He’d seen her head tip in his direction a couple of times, but she’d always given her head a little shake before refocusing. Was the shake for Javadi? For him?

“...You didn’t hear me, did you,” Ellis asked, forcing him to refocus. He had heard her—and he could feign that his silence had been fueled by contemplation. He turned away from the treatment bay, arms folded across his chest.

“See if the OR can take Mr. Tosches yet," He instructed. "I don’t want him down here too long. You follow up with the raccoon kid?”

“That’s my next stop.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

“Sure—Hey, are you coming by this weekend?”

That weekend. He’d been dodging giving Ellis an answer for the last couple of weeks. She’d invited him to the last four get-togethers at the apartment, but he’d never made it to one, either because he was working, or because he just wasn’t in the mood to socialize.

He wasn’t sure he was in the mood now, but…A fleeting smile flashed through his mind. They’d seemed to come easier to her when they were away from the hospital. And his therapist had been nagging him about leaving the house more…

“Yeah,” He nodded. “Yeah, I can make it.”

Ellis didn’t cover her surprise well, but her, “kay, sweet. I’ll text you the address," Told him that she was just as surprised by his answer as he was.

Abbot nodded, casting another glance toward the treatment bay before turning away fully. It was just an experiment, he told himself. He would see if her smiles for him came easier outside of work, or not at all.

If it was not at all, he’d let it go, once and for all.

“Is there any coffee?”

The question made you freeze in front of your cabinet. Your eyes darted through its contents, but you didn’t take in a damn thing. He was in your kitchen. He never came to these things, why the hell did he come to this one?

“Uh—” You turned, looking around your kitchen as though you’d never been there before. “It’s um—Yeah. Right there. It might not be hot, though. I can turn the pot back on.”

“I’ve got it.”

“You're on shift tonight?”

“Mhm.”

You nodded, turning back to the cabinet. Hell, what did you open it for? Goddamn, but you came in here looking for something—You huffed, shoving the cabinet door closed as you scrubbed your hand across your forehead. He wasn’t allowed to do this, he wasn’t allowed to make you feel this out of sorts in your own damn kitchen.

“Everything alright?”

“You know, I feel like half the time you talk to me, you’re asking if I’m okay.” It was out of your mouth before you could stop it, and embarrassment sprang up the second it did. “I should, um—You need a mug, don’t you,” You muttered, turning to the other cabinet, and glancing back toward the living room when you heard a swell of laughter. Damnit, but Ellis sent you into the kitchen for what? Napkins? Napkins would be in the cabinet.

“Well forgive me for being concerned when one of my best residents seems to spend half of her shifts avoiding me.”

You whirled around, too stunned to do anything but meet Jack’s eye. The steady contact seemed to catch the both of you off-guard. Your mouth worked wordlessly for a moment as your mind reeled. What the hell could you say to that? Well—what would you say if you were talking to Ellis or Shen?

“...Just one of your best residents?”

Abbot’s brows lifted, his lips quirk with a smile, and your stomach filled with that girlish fluttering again.

“You’re certainly not avoiding me now.”

You press your mouth together, gaze instinctively dropping to the floor.

“I don’t avoid you at work, either. I’m just—” You turned back to the cabinet, reaching into it for a mug. “I’m focused when I'm at the Pitt.”

“Seem to be focused right now, too.”

“Do you want a mug for your coffee or not?”

“Oh, that old excuse.”

“Fine, drink it from the pot. That’s Parker’s machine, anyway. She’ll kill you.”

“She wouldn’t. We’re short-staffed as it is.”

“Well, that’s true.” You crossed the kitchen, holding the mug out. And, though you knew the answer, you asked, “Do you need milk or sugar?”

“No.”

“Alright.” You turned, reaching for the cabinet by the coffee machine. Maybe it was something in there.

“...You don’t really think I avoid you," You plied, unable to stop yourself.

“Certainly avoid looking at me.”

“Focused.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re fine to look at.”

“Oh?”

“Good—Good to—” No, nothing in that cabinet. Check the next one. At least, you needed to get a few feet away from Abbot before you said anything else stupid. “You’re fine.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure.”

“...Look at me.”

It was so firm that you went still in front of your cabinet again, hands on the knobs, doors half-open as your heart leaps into your throat.

“Excuse me?”

“We’re not at work, you can’t need to be that focused. If I’m so fine to look at, look at me.”

Your fingers flexed around the knobs, palms growing sweaty.

“Ellis asked me to grab something for her and you’ve already distracted me enough.”

“Is that so.”

“You can be very distracting sometimes.” For fucksake. What was it about being alone with this man that had your head so horribly scrambled?

“I suddenly feel like I oughta apologize,” He commented.

“I feel like you’re making fun of me.”

“A little.”

You scoffed out a laugh, your nerves only worsening when you heard Jack take a few steps closer, saw him lower his coffee onto the counter beside you.

“It won’t take long,” He reassured, raising his hand to close one of the cabinet doors. “One quick look.”

You drew in a deep breath, planting your hand on the counter and turning to face Jack with wide eyes. You were prepared to stare at him pointedly—but you faltered at the look on his face. His eyes were softer than they had any right being. They searched your expression, sweeping over your nose, across your cheeks, to your lips, and up again—as if he was seeing you for the first time.

“...See?” He murmured. “This isn’t so bad.”

You struggled to swallow, throat dry; your face was flooding with heat. If this was a cartoon, you were certain that your heart would be beating out of your chest.

“No,” You finally managed, shaking your head a little, unable to tear your eyes from his, “No, it isn’t.”

Jack’s smile widened as he leaned against the counter a touch, fingers skimming against yours. And you knew that you ought to look away, go ask Ellis what she sent you into the damn kitchen for in the first place, but you couldn't bring yourself to move.

“You just gonna keep staring at me, Jack?” You murmured. His brows jumped slightly at the use of his first name, lips quirking with a smirk.

“You’re staring, too.”

“Making up for apparently avoiding you.”

“Very kind of you.”

“Do what I can.”

Maybe it was better that he was looking at your face, anyway—if he looked down, he might see the goosebumps sweeping up your arm from the gentle sweep of his fingertips against yours. It felt pathetic to get so worked up from such a simple touch. Goddamn, did he look at everyone like this? Did everyone feel like this when he looked at them? There was no way—if it was, nothing would ever get done at the Pitt.

“Hey, did you find the Triscuits?”

Ellis bottle snapped you out of the trance-like stare, and you whirled away from Jack like he was trying to set you on fire. The Triscuits, son of a bitch, that was what you were sent to look for.

“I just—I just saw them,” You fumbled, pulling the cabinet open again.

“My fault,” Abbot spoke up. “I asked for some coffee.”

“You’re on tonight?” Ellis frowned, and you were relieved to hear her come deeper into the kitchen. “I thought you were taking the day.”

“We had two call outs. Matter of fact, I should get going.”

You glanced doggedly back toward Jack, watching him pick his mug up and take a deep swig. You busied yourself with poking through the drawer beneath the cupboard, vaguely catching Abbot saying his goodbyes to Ellis in the background. Jeez, did the Trisuits fucking evaporate?

You glanced toward the mug as Jack set it down in the sink, and, against your better judgement, met Jack’s eye when he turned to look at you.

“Thanks for the coffee.”

“Sure,” You nodded. “Have a good shift.”

“Good luck finding those, uh…” He glanced toward Ellis. “Triscuits?”

“Uh-huh,” She nodded. “Thanks for coming, man.”

“Have a good night.”

You listened to his retreating footsteps, marked the opening and closing of the door…And tried not to die from complete mortification when Ellis tapped your shoulder, then pointed out the box of Triscuits where it was sitting on the counter.

Next Part

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