#A trivial boon is a small favor
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Would You Like To Play A Game?
I have so many ding-dang clutches this year that I made a SNINGO (Snake Bingo) game that you can join if you wanna.
Click or copy/paste the link below to get your randomly-generated Sningo card and save it or take a screenshot. We're looking at the game potentially going into September and I think these will only be available for 30 days or so.
https://mfbc.us/m/gv2ac8t
If that's not working you can pester me through chat or private message and I'll send you one.
There's no prize for winning, beyond the satisfaction of being Snake Bingo Champion. If you're the first to send me a screengrab or photo of your winning card I'll... uhhh... I dunno, I guess I could grant a Trivial Boon. Let's say ties are also allowed, since this might generate a few duplicate cards.
I'll announce each clutch ID as they hatch with the tag: "sningo 2023"
For those joining, we already have YR23 and HC23 hatched. Get out your Mecca daubers and mark 'em off!
#A trivial boon is a small favor#I could answer a question or help you with a low-risk problem#I have approximate knowledge of many things#I'm good at science and math and computers#and research#I'm good at looking stuff up#That could also be a discount on a snake if you want#I could record a voicemail message like they do on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me#I could tell your crush that you like them for you#Or I could break up with someone for you so you don't have to ghost#The options are extremely limited!#sningo 2023#sningo#snake bingo#snake adjacent#omg snakes
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Primal Inevitable, Safitsel
“Platinum Emperion” © Wizards of the Coast, by Chris Rahn. Accessed at InPrnt here
[Commissioned by @wyvernrider101. As far as I know, this is the first appearance of a stat block for a primal inevitable, which were a relatively late addition to PFRPG canon. The flavor text here is inspired by Concordance of Rivals, which states that most of the primal inevitables designed to fight in the Chaos War are dead, to the point that some of them represent concepts that are entirely lost to reality.]
Primal Inevitable, Safitsel CR 26 LN Outsider This humanoid titan appears as a gleaming statue of silvery metal, broad-shouldered and armor plated. A single eye glows in the center of its forehead, and a similar core is set in the center of its chest. It clutches a double weapon, with an axe head on one side and a spear point on the other.
Safitsel, the First Forged, Wardeneye Concerns defense, vigilance, fortifications Domains Law, Protection, Strength, War Subdomains Defense, Inevitable, Resolve, Tactics Worshipers architects, guardians, soldiers Minions inevitables, golems, lawful dragons Holy Symbol a single eye over a wall Favored Weapon dwarven urgrosh Obedience stand watch over your home, encampment or allies for 1 hour. Make a detailed report of everything you have seen, no matter how trivial. Gain a +4 sacred bonus on all Perception and Sense Motive checks. Boons 1: Bulwark of Defense (Sp) shield of faith 3/day, see invisibility 2/day or magic vestment 1/day 2: Hold the Line (Ex) The DC to successfully move past or through your square with Acrobatics increases by a number equal to your character level. You qualify for the Disruptive feat and other feats in that chain even if you are not a fighter. 3: Selective Interdiction (Su) As a swift action, you can radiate an aura in a 30 foot radius that blocks teleportation effects, as per a dimensional lock, except that you and your allies may ignore this effect. You may use this aura for 1 minute per character level, breaking up this duration in 1 minute increments as you see fit.
Legend states that Safitsel was the first inevitable ever constructed. As the forces of chaos made plans to seize Axis, the axiomites crafted a single giant of platinum and quintessence, who helped to construct an entire army of inevitable soldiers and build fortifications to defend the Eternal City. Although greater primal inevitables were created during the Chaos War, and many of them fell in battle, Safitsel continued to work in the background, shoring up defenses, securing tactical advantages and leading counterattacks.
Safitsel rarely battles mortals, instead turning their attentions to the constant incursions of proteans into Axis. Their presence disrupts teleportation and summoning only for hostile creatures, granting the inevitables precious seconds to mobilize and call reinforcements. They wield an immense urgrosh, and those dwarves that wield this weapon do so in homage to its efficacy on the battlegrounds of Law. They may also act as a siege weapon, firing a concentrated blast of crushing metal into the ranks of the enemy.
Safitsel has little interest in pomp or theatrics, and his cult among mortals is similarly no-nonsense. Their worshipers do not build dedicated temples, instead crafting small shrines in the temples of other lawful entities or academy settings. Most of their followers combine an interest in warfare with a keen intellect, and they are popular among engineers, architects and learned soldiers. Safistsel’s teaching is that the best offense is a good defense, and rarely considers proactive warfare a valid strategy. Some other divinities of war see their teachings as stogy and reactionary, but the truth of the matter is that Safitsel has endured while other powers have waxed and waned.
Safitsel CR 26 XP 2,457,600 LN Gargantuan outsider (extraplanar, inevitable, law) Init +20; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, Perception +53, true seeing Aura interdiction (60 ft.), shield of law (DC 27) Defense AC 45, touch 25, flat-footed 42 (-4 size, +4 Dex, +4 deflection, +12 insight, +19 natural) hp 615 (30d10+390 plus 60); regeneration 20 (chaotic and epic) Fort +34, Ref +20, Will +33 DR 20/lawful and epic; Resist acid 30, cold 30, electricity 30, fire 30, sonic 30; SR 37 Defensive Abilities constructed, freedom of movement, perfect prediction Offense Speed 50 ft., fly 70 ft. (perfect) Melee +3 defending keen dwarven urgrosh +46/+41/+36/+31 (4d6+22/19-20x3), +3 defending keen dwarven urgosh +46/+41/+36 (3d6+22/19-20x3) or 2 slams +45 (3d10+19) Ranged siege shot +30 (20d6+19 bludgeoning) Space 20 ft.; Reach 20 ft. Special Attacks supreme opportunist Spell-like Abilities CL 26th, concentration +35 Constant—detect chaos, freedom of movement, shield of law (self only), true seeing At will—banishment (DC 25), greater dispel magic, greater teleport, order’s wrath (DC 23), true form (DC 23), wall of iron (DC 24) 3/day—dictum (DC 26), quickened greater dispel magic, greater spell immunity, guards and wards (DC 25), move earth, summon inevitables, wall of force 1/day—freedom, imprisonment (DC 29), mass heal, shield of law (DC 27), wall of suppression Statistics Str 48, Dex 19, Con 38, Int 30, Wis 35, Cha 29 Base Atk +30; CMB +53 (+57 bull rush); CMD 71 (73 vs. bull rush) Feats Awesome Blow, Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Disruptive (B), Double Slice, Greater Bull Rush, Greater Two-Weapon Fighting, Improved Bull Rush, Improved Initiative, Improved Two-Weapon Fighting, Lightning Reflexes, Power Attack, Quicken SLA (greater dispel magic), Spellbreaker (B), Stand Still, Step Up, Two-Weapon Fighting Skills Diplomacy +42, Fly +39, Intimidate +42, Knowledge (dungeoneering, history, religion) +40, Knowledge (arcana, engineering, planes) +43, Linguistics +40, Perception +53, Profession (siege engineer) +, Sense Motive +53, Spellcraft +43, Stealth +25, Survival +53; Racial Modifiers +8 Perception, +8 Sense Motive Languages truespeech, telepathy 300 ft.SQ primal inevitable traits Ecology Environment any (Axis) Organization solitary (unique) Treasure double standard (+3 defending keen/+3 defending keen dwarven urgrosh, other treasure) Special Abilities Interdiction Aura (Su) This functions as a dimensional lock effect in a 60 foot radius of Safitsel, except that Safitsel and their allies may still teleport into and out of the effect. In addition, any enemy attempting to use a summoning spell or effect must succeed a DC 37 caster level check or the spell is lost. Perfect Prediction (Su) Safitsel adds their Wisdom modifier to their AC and initiative as an insight bonus. Primal Inevitable Traits (Ex/Su) Safitsel is a primal inevitable, a quasi-divine being of great power. As such, they gain the following traits
Safitsel can grant spells and has access to domains as per their divine entry above
Safitsel’s natural weapons, as well as any weapons they wield, count as lawful and epic for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction
Regeneration (Ex) Only epic and chaotic damage, or damage from a creature of greater or equal power (such as another quasi-deity) can overcome Safitsel’s regeneration
Resist 30 to acid, cold, electricity, fire and sonic damage
Summon inevitables (Sp) Three times per day as a swift action, Safistsel may summon any inevitable or combination of inevitables whose total combined CR is 20 or lower. This functions as the summon universal monster quality with a 100% chance of success, and counts as a 9th level spell effect.
Telepathy 300 ft.
Siege Shot (Ex) As a standard action, Safitsel may fire a chunk of metal at a single target. This is treated as a ranged attack with a range increment of 200 feet. A target struck takes 20d6+19 points of bludgeoning damage. All creatures and unattended objects in a 10 foot radius of the target take 10d6+9 bludgeoning damage (Ref DC 38 half). This 10 foot radius is considered to be difficult terrain due to the rubble left behind. The save DC is Constitution based. Supreme Opportunist (Ex) Safitsel uses their Wisdom modifier instead of their Dexterity modifier to determine how many attacks of opportunity they may make in a round. In addition, Safitsel deals double damage on any attack of opportunity it makes.
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Posturing
Summary: They find a moment after taking Eulmore, before giving chase at Mt. Gulg. Since they both know an end of sorts is near, the time has come to address a subject of burning curiosity. Emet-Selch/WoL
The Warrior of Light spies him in Eulmore, in the hours after Vauthry’s departure as Ryne works to return balance where she can.
Kholusia can't be a comfortable region for the Ascian. The skies have been ablaze here for a century and the Lightwarden responsible has gorged himself to greater excess than any of his fellows. Still, the desire to watch seems to override whatever inconvenience Emet-Selch suffers for it, as he leans against a pillar in his antiquated robes from a foreign world. His expression is difficult to pin down, though it is easy enough to track his focus. Sometimes only his eyes move, other times he���ll turn his whole head.
“You must be very bored,” she comments, approaching from behind. Although the Warrior does not hide her footsteps, it isn’t as if the city doesn’t bustle with identical strides at all times.
Emet-Selch doesn’t start, but cocks an ear toward her briefly before abandoning his pillar to turn. To face her. His eyebrows perch high as he does and from how his mouth gathers, he seems stuck between amused and exasperated.
“Aren’t you supposed to be playing fetch, hero?” he asks glibly. Inclining almost imperceptively toward her as his shoulders slide into place around him. “Run along.”
“In a moment,” she replies. Rocking back on her heels, it occurs to her that the Ascian—no. The Garlean form he prefers… he could very well be taller than she is. It’s only with him standing thus that she has to look down. Hardly novel for an elezen, and yet... “It’s been a trying day. Occasionally even your hero likes to gather her thoughts.”
A snort. A glance back to the aetheryte plaza, bustling with activity as it is. “You flatter yourself.”
She hums lightly, folds her hands at the base of her skull. Elbows raised to flank her face. “Hardly. You’re the only one who insists on bringing it up so often. It’s become rather particular to you… or don’t you know my name?”
A thin smile at that, and his shoulders slide further. It’s slight enough that were she not watching carefully, none might have noticed. “Did you have another question to try me with?”
The Warrior of Light lids her eyes, raises her own brows in-turn. “Not today, villain,” she replies in good humor. “But I would ask a boon of you.”
This appears to surprise him, and he returns the favor with a chuckle. “Being a villain I really should reject you out of hand.”
She rolls her eyes, grinning. “A loss to us both if you do. It might have been interesting.”
The look he retorts with withers, but seems to lack true frustration. “Oh, just be out with it.”
The grin doesn’t dissipate, but settles into a more relaxed smile. “There is a point,” she says, “that has been vexing me nigh since we’ve met. If you would indulge this pale imitation, I only ask you close your eyes a moment.”
It brings her near the edge of laughter herself to see how affronted he looks at that. “I beg your pardon?”
She flashes her teeth, winningly. “Gods, you’d think I asked for your firstborn.”
“You do recall,” he says, exasperated, “that you’re the woman responsible for killing Igeyorhm and Nabriales. Yes?”
The Warrior sighs. Takes a book—the book—from her belt. Presses it into her enemy’s hands.
“I’ll not be killing you,” she declares, “in the middle of a crowded marketplace. Let alone without this. Should you abscond with it I do have others, but if you would resist that temptation it might just earn my good grace.”
He furrows his brow. This, gradually, shifts into a smirk.
“What tired mischief do you hope to achieve here?”
She shrugs. “The kind of tired mischief at least one of us should appreciate.” Inclining her own head, she adds, “Really. This is nothing that might stoke the ire of an Ascian. It only occurs to me that I am running low on Lightwardens to fell, and these affairs never end quietly.”
This time, she looks away.
“…Circumstances being as they are, I’d like to share at least one trivial moment with you first. Heavens know heavier ones are inevitable.”
This time, he sighs. For several moments the only sound comes from a wounded city, murmuring and stumbling around them.
He says her name.
She turns, and Emet-Selch’s eyes are closed. Features unreadable.
The Warrior of Light finds the corners of her mouth quirking upward. Gingerly, gently, she comes to stand beside him. “No peeking,” she says, and brings one hand to rest lightly in the small of his back. He manages to comply, but it is immediately apparent this has, in fact caught him off-guard.
The second hand finds his chest
With the utmost care, she manages to nudge him into a proper standing position. “Now hold still.”
“You are,” he says, clearly amused now, “really pressing your luck.”
She beams, but does not deny this. Quickly checks herself against him with her hand.
“Sir,” she says, “if you want to confirm, you’ll find you do indeed have the advantage.”
Emet-Selch, surrounded by mortals and holding the favored weapon of his nemesis, only tilts his head back and laughs.
#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#emet selch#ascians#shadowbringers#I am doing a series that started as an experiment and turned into something I am invested in
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@leni-of-the-now replied to your post:
Wait what??
Oh yeah I have a ton of headcanons about the absolutely toxic environment that the last Exalt left behind as his legacy buckle in folks
So while I have some complicated headcanons regarding the Grimleal and the political situation in Plegia, I have an equally in-depth view of the situation in Ylisse. The game makes it very clear that there are rigid social strata observed in Ylisse: in order of decreasing power (and increasing size), you have the Exalted Lineage on top (including both the Branded and those they marry, who are considered part of the royal family), the noble houses, and the common folk at the very bottom. This is vividly painted in supports like Maribelle’s, where there’s a fairly radical difference between her interactions with Chrom or Lissa (who she shows utmost deference to), Ricken (who she treats as someone on equal standing), and Kellam or Vaike (who she criticizes and berates quite easily).
Now, these castes are built entirely on bloodlines. The Exalted Lineage traces its origins back to the pact with Naga, and the Brand that marks them has been present since that bond was forged. It stands as proof of their divine favor, and marks them as rightful rulers of Naga’s lands. By the same turn, nobles also use their lineage as the basis of their standing: each house has its origins somewhere in history (likely sometime not long after the first Exalt established the halidom of Ylisse) and has endured to the present day, amassing more wealth and power with every generation. The common folk, meanwhile, have no such lineage to fall back on: at best, they might have a business that has been run by the family for generations, but this does not afford them the same power or security that a noble house does.
Now, this kind of pyramidal complex relies on the masses being compliant with the established system. This is where the royal family has a tangible advantage: they have a literal mark that represents their ties to Ylisse’s divine dragon, and given that the halidom is also the land where Naga is worshiped as a goddess, the lower strata (including the commoners) have largely been willing to accept the Exalt’s rule as being divinely ordained. It’s kept the system working for a significant period of time, though there has undoubtedly been unrest at times (and some of it has likely resulted in the loss of a noble house or two over the centuries).
But this brings us to the reign of Emmeryn’s father. I have a lot of headcanons about him, and very few of them are good, I’ll be honest. His father was...weak-willed, to put it mildly, allowing the nobles and the Church of Naga to run about more or less unsupervised and exerting only a passing influence on his son’s upbringing. Though there were no outright conflicts during his time in power, his lax approach allowed the church to take a more active role in the crown prince’s upbringing -- and coupled with the Exalt’s disdain for Plegia on the whole, they readily cultivated a zealous loathing of the Grimleal in the boy as he grew.
Even before taking the throne, he was, by all estimations, a perfect example of chivalry and nobility: he was extremely handsome (I personally headcanon him with Chrom’s strong build and Emmeryn’s gold hair and grey-blue eyes), honorable to a fault, ostensibly living by the doctrines of Naga’s church; when his father died and he assumed rule, he was welcomed wholeheartedly, for the people (nobles and commoners alike) believed that he would usher in a golden age for them. Unfortunately, his glorious and noble presentation masked a shrewd mind and a violent temper that fueled his deep-rooted hatred for Plegia and her people. Within a few years of assuming the throne, he began to solidify his image and his power base: he enacted several writs that offered small benefits to the commoners, bolstering their loyalty to him; he attended church services with almost fanatic regularity, instilling the image of himself as a holy and pious man; and at last he took a wife from an extremely prominent noble house -- not for love, mind you, but for the wealth and power he could draw from the arrangement. And from there, he slowly began to spread poison through the halidom: he encouraged the church to preach more about the evils of Grima and the infidels across the western mountains, oversaw the dissemination of propaganda that painted the Plegians as savages, heathens, sub-human monsters corrupted by Grima’s evil and beyond salvation; and then he started turning the nobles against each other.
While he was, by all accounts, an absolutely horrific man, he was not a stupid one. He recognized the fact that he could not wage his war alone; but rather than ask outright for support and funding, he took a decidedly more insidious route. He started small, bringing up a rather trivial matter in need of financial support. Most of the nobles thought nothing of it...until one family offered to supply the funds for it -- and once it was completed, that family suddenly received an impressive property grant from the Exalt for their support. Realizing that they could increase their own holdings and power, soon other families were clamoring to support the Exalt as he brought additional matters before the court, some inconsequential...others decidedly not. Each family that supported the effort did, indeed, gain a significant boon for it -- but since those early opportunities only allowed support from one or perhaps two families, infighting among the families began as they vied for the opportunity. It began with debates, which descended into arguments, which finally devolved into absolutely vicious quarrels that drove wedges between whole houses. And the more toxic the court became, the more dangerous the Exalt’s proposals grew.
And it’s around here that Ricken’s family becomes important. Before things truly descended into the stuff of nightmares, back during the days when the debates were just starting to become heated, the Exalt turned his attention to Ricken’s family and asked them if they would support him in some effort or another, for they had been quiet in all previous matters. The head of Ricken’s house refused, saying simply that it was not their place to do so, for the wealth and property that the Exalt commands should be more than adequate for a matter for the benefit of the halidom -- effectively, they saw though his game and called him on it. And the Exalt did not like that in the least: it was a danger to his plans to have any question, let alone stand against him. So he retaliated -- by stripping Ricken’s family of a substantial part of their property and power, and granting it instead to the house that did assist in the matter he brought to the court.
The message was clear: play the game or pay dearly. And none of the other houses wanted to pay.
By the time the Exalt got around to bringing the war effort to the table, he had virtually every noble family clamoring for his attention and favor; most every house was willing to finance his ‘crusade,’ and in exchange, he pointedly skipped over the children of noble houses when he instituted his drafts for soldiers, choosing only from the common class. This, in particular, fed a great deal of unrest in the halidom as the war dragged on: farmers, tailors, merchants, innkeepers, all were pulled into the conflict with barely any training, sent out to fight and die for the Exalt’s cause, and without them to sustain the work force, Ylisse began to collapse: there were wide-spread food shortages, and desperate civilians increasingly turned to theft in order to simply survive. By the time the Exalt died (perhaps in battle, or perhaps of infirmity on the war front), the halidom’s peace was hanging by a thread; only Emmeryn’s immediate cessation of violence and withdrawal of troops kept a civil war from erupting within Ylisse’s borders...and even then, having seen what her father was like, the people of the halidom were understandably not thrilled with her ascension, believing she would follow in his footsteps.
Emmeryn suffered greatly for her father’s crimes. But she persevered, even still, and managed to bring peace to the people of Ylisse, focusing her every effort on soothing the wounds the common people had suffered through that long conflict. Unfortunately, it took her the better part of fifteen years to get that far; in that time, she had little time to sort through the nightmare of the noble court, let alone try to connect with their Plegian neighbors to discuss trade, diplomacy, or even reparations; the latter issue fueled Gangrel’s passionate hatred of Ylisse, for it left the impression that the halidom felt it had done no wrong in need of apology. As for the former, when Emmeryn martyrs herself and Chrom puts the conflict with Gangrel to rest, he’s left to sort out the mess with the noble court, fighting tooth and nail for every scrap of progress, because the aristocracy has too long enjoyed the power and influence they’ve been able to exert thanks to what Chrom’s father gave them; changing the system is a clear threat to them, and they are not about to take it lying down.
#replies#leni-of-the-now#fire emblem: awakening#headcanon#ylisse#emmeryn#chrom#future built upon the past#i mean technically it applies to most of my fanfics but#in particular with emmeryn's death and chrom's reign#future built is a key player in getting this worked out#the class conflict is going to become a big thing in this arc okay
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𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖌𝖊 * / 𝖎𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖉𝖊
001. describe your characters’ relationship with their mother or father, or both. minimum word count: 150.
tba.
002. what are your characters’ most prominent physical features? what is a feature that they are most insecure about? what are they proudest of?
it’s been long since isolde has regarded her body as something to revel ( or agonize over ). she likes the ambiguity of her features, how it tricks the general molding of the english, and ventures into marginal territories, burgundian, southern, traitorous. not insecure per se, since she inhabits all aspects of womanhood with ease, all but one: childbearing. she struggles against fertility, rather than towards it: the idea of giving birth has discomfited and unnerved her ever since she was young. it only increases tenfold with age, and so the duchess longs for the time when such worries will be rendered moot by nature’s course.
003. how vain is your character? do they find themselves attractive? what is their worst flaw, and are they aware of it?
she might have grown to be vain if she did not have isabel as a childhood companion. the other woman’s beauty was so stark, so undeniable, and it embodied so many characteristics of desire as well as distant grace, that isolde found herself to be a lukewarm contrast. it was not a comparison that bothered her in the least: isabel’s beauty was a thing to be mirrored at times, but not held over your entire life. it was, like all heavenly boon, a burden. to carry that beauty would’ve required a strength and a determination she did not possess.
004. what is your character’s ranking on the kinsey scale?
a three before her marriage with charles, as emotional bonds were always more readily established with women. she was very fond of all her fellow ladies in waiting when she belonged to the retinue of the old queen, and now she is even more invested in the lives of the younger women she must govern. after her union, it veers towards a two; the idea of becoming involved with someone who would serve no purpose to either isabel or to their duchy seems rather absurd.
005. describe your character’s happiest memory. minimum word count: 150.
tbd. ( i sense a pattern )
006. is there one event in your characters’ life that they would like to erase from their past? why? minimum word count: 200.
tbd.
007. let’s talk favourites! what is their favourite colour, food, and season? what, in a modern setting, would be your character’s favourite song?
she is very fond of cream-white, the nuance you would see, for example, on lacework embroidery and church veils, as opposed to the glacial white of gauze and diamond.
as anyone who spent their childhood winters at court, she is fond of all tastes that forged an unwitting association with the feast days: sweetmeats, sugared almonds, poached fruit.
anything by soccer mommy but with a tad less nostalgia.
008. can you define a turning point in your character’s life?
the first time she understood that it wasn’t only the king’s heart isabel wanted, but also the certainty such a love could secure. the risks she evaluated (and of which she’d been warned by members of their circle) and still deciding to help nonetheless. the acknowledgement that nothing can compare with proximity to a world on the bring of change, except perhaps the sworn devotion to what has still stayed the same.
009. is your character an early morning bird or a night owl? at what time do they get most of their work done?
devotedly a morning bird. even when she had to stay awake through the late, informal parties tat took place in the private quarters of richmond palace, observing and tailing the ends of conversations like licks of flame, she was still adamant on getting up as early as possible.
010 a. what other character, a npc or someone apart of the rp, is your character completely real with? who knows them best, has seen them at their most vulnerable, knows their innermost and basest fears? (b. if your character does not have this person, why? do they long for one?)
charles in recent years, but overall isabel. while her own brother kept to the sidelines and permitted isolde to associate with whoever she pleased, it was out of a lack of true understanding rather than a surplus of it. the older seymour never really did comprehend her; not that it would’ve been possible, when isabel had already taken that role for herself.
011. is your character a neat or messy person?
organized from the standpoint of mental information and daily responsibilities, and certainly preaching tidiness to the ladies she has under her wing, but sometimes erratic with trivial belongings (sheaves of materials, ribbons, letter kits).
012. does your character have any irrational fears or phobias?
nothing other than the common ladylike train of vermin, seasonal diseases creeping into the palace, statute ruin. unless you count childbirth as an irrational fear, in which case, yes.
013. does your character have an underlying passion or trait that influences all aspects of their life?
her need to preserve the status and privileges of those around her. they are inextricably linked with her own: there is no place where charles ends and she begins, no choices isabel makes that does not tug at her own strings. it is not sacrifice, it is not martyrdom. it the mutual egotism that sustains their love, separate and colluded, carnal and platonic.
014. what might your character’s ideal romantic person be?
certainly not charles lmao but she has stopped thinking about that ideal for so long that she no longer has any reliable memories. it might have been anyone: the isolde that concocted it, that breathed lifelikeness into its specter with her own desire, no longer exists. not because of some loss, of an identity shaken by something so great that it has no choice but to shift, but due to the normal workings of the world. the choices she made for herself (was allowed to make for herself) as a woman changed the wishes she’s safeguarded as a girl.
015. describe your character’s hands. are they small, long, calloused, smooth, stubby, dexterous or clumsy? do they wear any jewelry and would they wear polish in a modern setting?
in a modern setting they would wear clear nail polish with a top coat. the sort that almost escapes their glance and certainly the sort that’s easily maintained. as it is, her nails are cut short and kept clean, and her hands are small, powdered, entirely within the confines of the ordinary. they work mediocre well with tasks such as embroidery and are far more suited for cerebral purposes like signatures and different calligraphy styles.
016. how does your character smell? what is their favourite scent?
she is fond of heady, earthly smells, like wood and incense; fragrances that are strong but flowing, associated with the things around them rather than drawing attention for themselves.
017. how would your muse describe their religious beliefs?
pragmatic with a twist (some would call that consciousness, others weakness. she loves people from both those sides.)
018. what rules does your muse live by, if any?
see 013. and like half my bio lol (unbelievable i cbf to reiterate even for my own sake)
019. does your muse overshare, or are they more private?
she can easily give the impression of oversharing when she congresses with the ladies of the queen’s household. however, it rarely happens on its own, or with people from which she expects no reciprocating information. she made that mistake several times in the past with her own brother, and as endearing as the duke of somerset was, he was not one of them.
020. is your muse a gossiper? are they more likely to argue with their fists or tongue? what does their voice sound like?
gossiper druid class, rolls 20 on tongue attack.
021. is your muse a … pessimist or optimist … lover or fighter … believer in happy endings … believer in love at first sight?
she believes in people designing the type of love that’s easiest for them to bear. those who need the comfort of destiny, divinity, external pillars to lay their heads against, rely on love at first sight. some rely on the sanctity of marriage - undeceivable, unyielding. other find comfort in opposite corners: in the absence of love, the impermanence of happiness, the war waged against all things everlasting. she no longer concerns herself with which is true. perhaps she never had: charles and isabel have long settled such dilemmas for her.
022. what sense of humour does your character have?
optimal according to situation. she is not a great wit (think og anne boleyn) but nor is she ignorant to the subtrends and styles in courtly conversation. she is usually most comfortable when throwing back-and-forth remarks with charles or witnessing his sparring matches with isabel, and more often than not she finds things to contribute herself. but she would never try to replicate that sense of humor and intellectual acumen with most members of court.
023. what bad habits does your character have?
complacency, egotism, lack of desire to change perspective, often false certainty, duplicity, drawing out private information, outright lying, us against them mentality.
024. how does your character feel about growing old?
see 002. though she is plagued by conventional concerns such as her husband’s interest in her over the years (at no point in her life did isolde think her unorthodoxy exempts her from the woes of regular women) she finds the scales to be rather in her favor. the idea that she will not risk pregnancy, or an untimely death, is far more appealing than the risk of charles taking up five times more mistresses than decency allows. if she finds she has lost more than she has gained with old age, she will cross that bridge when it shows. she just usually doubts it will.
025. does your character prefer adventure to safety and security?
she married a man that wants to restructure at least 4 governing systems in europe and is mortally devoted to a woman that’s literally just been poisoned..... choose for yourself
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Spiritual Spotlight: The Lost Prince
True Neutral Eldest of Forgotten Things, Sadness, and Solitude
Domains: Knowledge, Madness, Nobility, Repose. Subdomains: Ancestors, Insanity, Martyr, Memory.
The First World: Realm of the Fae, pg. 26~27
Obedience: Write down a memory on a piece of paper and then burn it. This must be a memory you’ve never used for this purpose or told anyone about. Benefit: You gain a +4 sacred bonus to AC and CMD against attacks of opportunity provoked by moving out of a threatened space.
This is one of the most open-ended Obediences in the game, and one of the easiest to complete. It doesn’t say how long the memory must be, what kind of memory it has to be, how large the paper must be, or if you, personally have to start the fire that burns it. For the sake of being fair to other deities, we’ll say it takes at the least 30 minutes of writing to fill a page with enough memories to satisfy the Lost Prince. The easiest way to think about it would be to view it as a diary--in fact, a diary is perfect. Fill a page with what you did the previous day, tear it out, and then burn it. Once a day, every day, until you need a new book.
The god of the boastful, the Lost Prince is not. A character that brags about their accomplishments will quickly find themselves without any memories to sacrifice to the melancholy fae, forcing them to keep on the down-low if they wish to have enough memories for tomorrow’s ritual. With that small downside aside, though, the Lost Prince holds the trophy for having one of the easiest Obediences to both perform and keep a secret. Who would question the nervous loner’s tendency to scribble in their diary? Who would bat an eyelid at a writer apparently growing frustrated with their stories before tearing them out and throwing them into a fire? The Lost Prince’s Obedience is also notable for being doable just about anywhere that’s not underwater or in an airless vacuum. No matter how deep and dank the dungeon, so long as you have access to ink, paper, and flame, you can perform your service to your god.
The benefit is also fantastic. It’s somewhat boring, but +4 AC when scooting your potentially-fragile butt out of some horror’s melee range is a (literal) godsend for just about anyone not wanting to take extra bruises in melee. It’s especially good when you consider that it’s strictly better than a feat that already exists--Mobility--and it can be taken by anyone without needing the fiddly Dex and Dodge prerequisites that Mobility does.
As mentioned before, the Eldest do not possess the average Evangelist/Exalted/Sentinel spread, and use the Feysworn Prestige Class. The Feysworn Prestige Class can be entered at level 6; if taken as early as possible, you get the Boons at character level 8, 11, and 14 instead of 12, 16, and 20.
Boon 1: Knowledge of the Lost. Gain Identify 3/day, Locate Object 2/day, or Crushing Despair 1/day.
While Identify and Locate Object are both good spells when you’re on a quest for magical items, you’ll rarely need either of them more than once a day. That being said, have you recently found a forgotten hoard of treasure? Because if so, three Identifies will likely save your party a lot of pain (and cause the DM a little sadness) by sniffing curses out of the suspiciously attractive weapons, armor, and equipment. That being said, there’s also the potential to simply use Identify as a makeshift Detect Magic to spot magical traps or incoming enemy mages before the rest of the party sees them.
Locate Object is useful in situations where your party’s own belongings are stolen, though savvy enemies will likely place your goods in lead vaults, ruining the spell’s effectiveness. Against foes who don’t know about the spell, though, it makes tracking them trivial and turns you into something like the Terminator, carefully following behind them as you trace their every move.
Crushing Despair won’t win a combat by itself, but it can certainly get the odds more in your favor, especially with its lengthy duration (1 min/level). Since there’s no obvious evidence that you cast the spell yourself, hurling it into a crowded area to crush a whole crowd’s emotions at once during, say, an impassioned speech from someone you dislike, or during an enemy’s attempt to rally their troops, can do a lot more damage to morale than it would simply being cast in combat.
Boon 2: Forgetfulness. 3/day as a standard action, you may alter a target’s memory as if using Modify Memory. The casting time is always 1 standard action, regardless of how much or how little memory you alter. By expending 2 uses of this ability, you may alter up to 1 hour of the subject’s memory. By expending all three uses, you may alter up to 24 hours of the subject’s memory.
Now THIS is a power with some seriously sinister roleplaying potential! From 80 feet away (when you first get the power), in under six seconds you can simply rewrite the last five minutes of someone’s life if they fail the saving throw. Again, spell-likes have no obvious signs they’re being used, so someone having their brain scrambled has no idea where it’s coming from!
There are lots of uses for this power, both insidious and benign. Have you been barred from entering a plot location? No, you haven’t! Because the doorman clearly remembers you showing him your IDs saying you were allowed in! Embarrassed yourself in front of a party member? In front of an official you can’t afford to be embarrassed around? No, you didn’t! Because you’ve just erased whatever the awful moment was from their mind. Has an ally of yours experienced an event they wish they could forget? Well, you can help with that. Did you just kill everyone in a room and leave one of them alive? Well, thank god you just saved this person’s life from a horrible monster that slaughtered their comrades! Most combats are over in less than thirty seconds, after all.
And of course, note that you don’t have to erase their current memories. If you have an objective in mind, you can overwrite, edit, or erase VERY old memories in their heads, wiping out minutes from yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, or a decade ago. If the target is unwilling to have their mind tampered with, this power pairs well with any ability to delve into their thoughts, letting you sift through and cherrypick moments to edit... And this power becomes even scarier when you pour more juice into it, wiping out, editing, or blotting through hours or even a full day’s worth of memories at a time. Having the ability to steal an entire day from someone is a terrifying power to have, and easy to abuse once you’ve learned all the ins and outs of the ability... But if you’re Evil (or at least Chaotic), you probably don’t have to worry about that. Wipe away!
Boon 3: Absolute Solitude. Once per day, you may cast Imprisonment as a spell-like ability.
As I covered back with Shivaska, Imprisonment is an immensely powerful Save-or-Suck effect because only Freedom, another level 9 spell, can counter it. Anything else, even the otherwise all-solving Wish and Miracle, can’t undo it. Faesworn also get it at level 14, 2~3 levels before Wizards and Sorcerers can learn Freedom. The biggest downside to using this to instantly end an encounter is that someone who gets bopped below the earth takes all their gear with them. If the poor sap had an important item on them, trying to end an encounter quickly and easily may see you being forced to undertake a different questline entirely to undo the Imprisonment!
A handy spell, and extremely powerful, but one that must be used with caution. Erasing someone like this is tricky business, especially if they have interesting or important items on them. There are many, many ways to creatively combine this with Forgetfulness, though... Such as having the Evil Wizard Man’s #1 henchman suddenly recall that your party happens to be the Evil Wizard Man’s best friends, and that the Evil Wizard Man decided to teleport away to handle business on another world, beyond the reach of divination, never to be seen again and leaving his best friends in charge of everything.
It’s still scary how powerful overwriting someone’s memories can be, if you’re creative enough. It’s a hell of a get-out-of-jail free card, especially when the one person who resisted your spell mysteriously went missing...
You can read more about the Lost Prince here.
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@durativo liked for a starter
Vergil didn’t know how to act around Dante anymore. Actually, he hasn’t since they were children and even then he was prone to their usual misunderstandings. Nevertheless it didn’t change that since his...change of heart, so to speak, it was steadily becoming more and more painful to grow estranged with his twin despite being so close.
They had their moments, fleeting as they may have been, where Vergil was firmly reminded how dearly they enjoyed each others presence, but for every tender moment there was a some sort of fight.
A boundary crossed here and there, a disagreement about something trivial. Vergil would snap, Dante would lash out, tempers flared, and the delicate balance would tip against their favor once more. This wasn’t as simple as before where they would fight then go right back to playing after a night’s rest, no, forgiveness has become an expensive commodity in adulthood and Vergil found the price growing every passing day.
Like now. This silence should be a boon, but something beneath Vergil’s flesh cannot appreciate the quiet his brother was offering him while they sit in the office. It should be a perfect opportunity to finally read, but the air is stagnant with something and the elder demon cannot find it in himself to ignore it.
Somehow he’s become the needy twin and he hates it.
“So,” He speaks aloud, attempting to swim through this molasses of tension with small talk. God, he hates small talk. “Is business usually this slow or have you unplugged the phone again?”
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💕 for Keim x Lion (did you think you'd escape this)
Good grief, I’ve got a lot of screenshots for this ship.
Purple and Red… It’d certainly be an intriguing relationship. You, out of all, should’ve gotten a glimpse of what their relationship would look like at this point. Assuming they can get past those differences–mainly concerning monogamy and ‘side-deals’–it’d be quite interesting.
You were correct–if he took interest in the elusive Eel, he’d definitely court her first. Assuming you can pry him off of his ledgers, work books and pamphlets, you would find Lion try to gain her favor with various, small acts–subtle, and not-so-subtle–would he shower her with. For example… She’d get an odd invitation during his work-hours to visit the Company’s quarters, only to take her out for a midnight stroll through the beaches of the Mist. He would be most casually dressed, and would converse with her in a light, kind manner, genuinely listening to her interests, woes, and every-day trivialities. Eventually, he’d halt her at the threshold where foam-met-sand, smoothly slip an arm around her waist, and allow her to lean against him. This element would become the founding trait and virtue of their relationship–reliability.
Deeper into the relationship, he’d eventually relinquish his snarky, agitated attitude (providing work genuinely doesn’t pick at his nerves) and offer her his more chivalrous side of person. There’d be angst as well, mistake yourself not–dating Lion means dating the baggage he drags from his past, as well. Just admitting to her his deeds and misdeeds from eons past would unsettle him greatly. There’d also be the matter of him having to frequently depart for… Various missions, both of personal interest and Company endeavors all the same. So it would definitely be a relationship with both boons and flaws.
But how does real Lion differ from AU Lion?
Real Lion is a lot more down-to-earth. He’s not as snickery-snarky right off the bat, but he’s also far, far less childish and more stoic. He still retains his own taste for humor, much akin to the current one busy with AU Keim, and some aspects of their intimacy & privacy settings would also be subject to change.
He’d treat her with more respect, mainly. Not just as a girlfriend or wife… But as a person, in general. He’d offer her a lot of tiny details to spice up their life, teach her how to cook, take her out on a date with their chocobos involved at some green pasture, something like a picnic–but for all parties involved.
And… Ultimately, yes. They’d grow happily old together. He’d be incredibly doting the deeper they went into age by one another, and at times he’d struggle–at least early on–not to succumb to a need to proclaim his love, and later on, cement their relationship. Note that this, when I say ‘early on’, generally means 1-2 years into dating, not dropping the L or M bombs 2 months into their relationship.
As a byproduct of this, as you’ve skillfully hinted, would be a most fruitful relationship. The first herald of this would be their firstborn, full-blooded Sea Wolf son, Ganzfedar, yet his own fate would be quite difficult to discern, since he’d have to make a choice between following the lineage of his father’s side, or forge his own path as instructed by his mother. Essentially, a choice of freedom in two different variations–freedom of choosing, and the freedom of the two Seas, Sky and Water, unified under the banner of piracy.
Down the road, the cradle would only grow larger and larger. Lion, canonically, does possess a few genes that influence this–he comes from a line of Wolves in which the extreme rarity of twins is… Less rare, to put it plain. His grandfathers both had their twin bonds, and his own bond with younger Lion empathizes this. Alongside boys, there’d of course be a few lil’ gals as well.
A relationship, as it stands, might be just the only thing among a few that could ever hope to keep his footing in Eorzea, instead of sailing away once his own final arc, sans spoilers, is played in one particular story.
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Running a meter has definitely helped me confirm that in many scenarios, the staff tempests one meets via LFG don’t wind up pulling their weight as DPS roles, and proves that while tempest may have some of the highest peak DPS in many scenarios, it doesn’t hold up in practice in most cases.
I’d chalk this up to a number of factors: firstly, the mechanical skills that make tempest have good DPS are difficult. It’s just true. Hitting skills immediately as they come off cooldown is more difficult when they’re targeted, the rotation is honestly fairly complicated, the AoEs an enemy must stand in to get good damage are small, meteor shower has to be cast fully without moving, et cetera. Additionally, staff tempest’s bursty nature works well with a target that’s broken immediately and often, whether or not tempest defense is traited, and that’s not frequent in groups from LFG - especially when breaking on staff tempest is far from a trivial matter and it’s therefore uncommon that the tempest themself can do much to help. And of course, tempest is hard to survive on, and getting downed is a gigantic team DPS decrease.
But more importantly, I think people’s assumption that they must be doing good DPS because they’re a staff tempest and their complete lack of knowledge about why that would be the case and what they need to do to perform well is the issue. The typical narrative of “fire staff is OP, I must be doing so much damage, what else would I need to learn” is surprisingly (to me anyways) pervasive up to T4 fractals. In practice, I’ve seen a good number of staff tempests in proper ascended meta gear and traits in t4s, and I don’t think a single one has outdamaged the team’s warrior in the majority of any single fractal, and while I’m not the best at observing others’ gameplay while doing hard content it’s generally not difficult to see why: both because of poor gamepley, mechanics that aren’t favorable to stationary AoEs, and getting downed. Oh, and standing at too much range and not getting boons from the buff classes. D/wh usually fares a bit better.
I still support the side that says this game needs more data for players attempting to do instanced content well. Because you really can learn a lot by having realtime feedback for what’s going on as you play, rather than continuing to spread bad assumptions. Those anomalous results encourage people to ask questions and more deeply understand what they need to be doing to contribute more, and that makes them more capable of progressing to the harder stuff like raids.
(Also, less ridiculous arguments about optimal team composition when your supports deal more damage than your DPS would be awesome.)
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Episode 5: Propaganda
Post on Ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11432868
Part of my “Correct the For Want Of A Nail AU as we go along” Challenge
Synopsis: Go's thoughts after learning that he's going to be playing a role in the trivialization of the tragedy Hanoi seeks justice for.
This chapter is about 40% Hanoi AU, and 60% AU where the entire content of this post is true:
http://bluebeirry.tumblr.com/post/161592473590/vrains-arc-v-continuation
Apologies to anybody who wanted pure Vrains fanfic.
By some miracle, Go managed to get invited to the public ceremony hosted by the City on the very first March 28th after his debut on the dueling scene.
It wasn’t a big role - he was only to partake in one of the exhibition duels, then sit on the podium for the service. All they needed him to be was an entertaining duelist, and then just quiet window-dressing to show the people that the city’s method of mourning had its supporters.
He’ll play the part, of course. Go knows that doing anything that would get him labeled “subversive” when he’s only just starting to make a name for himself is more likely to hurt him than not. There’s enough “crazy celebrities” out there, and the people running magazines have plenty of experience in destroying careers and reputations.
Go is young, but he’s not stupid. He knows that one day he’ll have enough sway to say what he truly means, to share his knowledge with the world.
But there’s more than one type of fame. Even if he wins every duel, if the public thinks he’s a crackpot they’ll watch his battles and then smile and nod blankly when he tries to speak honestly. His entire mission, his entire purpose, completely redundant.
People are stupid, they don’t want to listen to anything they haven’t already heard.
Although Go knows it’s not that simple. It’s not that people are stupid, it’s that a person doesn’t have the time or the energy to pay attention to everything that’s important in life. Very few people can do the research and educate themselves fully on even a single issue in their lives.
They find an expert they trust to summarize the problem for them, putting their approach to life in the hands of a stranger.
Go has no intention of being “that person my favorite news caster mocks a lot.” Granted if he’s to make a stand that’s bound to happen sooner or later, but if the world has already formed its opinion of him then the detractors will have less ground to stand on. First impressions are crucial, and the trick is making sure as many people as possible think favorably of him before their other idols and icons begin telling them to hate him.
He knows that’s the way the world works. He knows life isn’t fair. Just being right won’t make people believe him.
And yet…
He knows it will be hard to sit there on the podium and listen to the speaker preach on and on about “remembering our losses” and then telling Den city to “forgive and forget.” As though the memory alone is enough. As though there aren’t thousands, millions of victims still suffering from their nightmares and losses.
It’s like the pacifists and the preachers don’t know about the civil wars still raging the world over. As though the Great Reboot didn’t leave millions of Fusionite war criminals running free, all four worlds pretending that peace equals absolution. Like they don’t live in a City-State surrounded by dozens of other City-states, allied but separated by geography and governing.
As though a full third of their population isn’t gone forever from starvation or radiation or any death that wasn’t directly caused by Solid Vision weapons.
First-hand experience takes precedence over second-hand knowledge, and yet despite remembering nothing of The Invasion Go knows in his gut that he understands the cost of that war better than most of those who lived through it. It makes him furious to think about it, to know that he’s going to have to stand by and watch as the “leaders” of Den city preach ignorance and passivity.
There’s a more optimistic side to Go that wonders if the speakers really mean anything they say, or if they’re just doing whatever they must to keep the representatives from Pendulum, Synchro and Fusion happy.
If it wasn’t so horrible it’d be hilarious that his world has taken help from the people who destroyed it, but what else could they do? Pendulum would withdraw its donations of food, supplies, and trained specialists to anyone who started refusing aid from Fusion. Keeping their hands clean while offering sadistic choices in the name of peace.
Most, if not all of the civilizations that stand now are only functional because of the aid they got from those dimensions.
SOL Technologies is as much of a boon as it is a threat. The only reason why Hanoi hasn’t thoroughly destroyed their chief opponent is because doing so would remove everything that makes the city independent. Becoming the largest producers and exporters of dueling equipment has made Den city strong enough to function without aid, but that doesn’t mean the cities they sell their goods to don’t still rely on donations for survival.
It’s a cruel, cruel world, where survival of atrocities is bought with silence.
That’s why Hanoi exists. That’s why Go has a job to do- to remind the people what they sacrificed in the name of survival. He knows that one day, in two, five, maybe ten years, he’ll be the one speaking at the podium. He’ll talk about recovery and healing, but not forgiveness. And he won’t pretend this whole world is recovering.
Oh, he won’t be too blunt. Even when the people trust you, they can still be frightened off by shows of passion. He’ll wear a normal nice outfit, just one red scarf of solidarity. He’ll smile for the cameras.
He’ll talk about how the world was hurt, for the small children with families unable or unwilling to speak of it, and to bring the memories forward in everyone else. Then he’ll talk about where they are now, how their city is alive and blossoming.
But Go will remind the people that they were the ones to make themselves strong- not Pendulum. That they, the Xyzians, fought alone for most of the war. That two weeks of a fragile, two-man alliance isn’t the same thing as a long-lasting history of mutual trust and respect.
Perhaps Go will be able to convince Kurosaki to come in person. He has always admired the man for refusing to support the dependence forced on Xyz, even if he
And that Den City has been lucky- regardless of the stupid and outright suicidal decisions Go knows SOL Technologies has made in regards to the Cyverse, he’s going to have to give them credit for protecting and strengthening their world as a whole.
Japan has a fairly strong infrastructure, but bands of raiders still terrorize Mumbai, New York is ruled by an ever-changing collection of warlords, and Seoul is almost always under siege from its neighbors. Their world has been raped, and the people of Den City have been told “Ignore it. You have food, your family has a home, why care about anything else?”
On the same day that an alien dimension invaded their home, Go wants the people to remember that their world wasn’t always enslaved by other dimensions.
He’ll stop there, but Go wants the people to hear his words and think. To realize that something is terribly wrong with the world. To realize that things can change, should change, must change. For all the resources Hanoi has been giving to the Ignis, Go is one of the few who keeps his mind on Hanoi’s true goal, the reason they existed, long before the Cyverse did.
Yusaku spends sleepless nights building digital traps, and Aoi rushes to VRAINS every time the Ignis shows up, but Go is the one who’s task will continue after the Cyverse is gone.
No matter how dangerous that thing may be, once it’s dead the threat will be gone. Go is trying to tackle a problem that’s much, much more complex than the one that the other five are so occupied with. Even if the stakes are lower, Go’s battle is infinitely fiercer.
#hanoi au#xyz dimension au#vrains fanfic#my fanfiction#ao3 link#introspection#introspective fic#yugioh#ygo#yugioh vrains#ygo vrains#unreliable pov character#fanfic
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Reblog for the morning crew
Would You Like To Play A Game?
I have so many ding-dang clutches this year that I made a SNINGO (Snake Bingo) game that you can join if you wanna.
Click or copy/paste the link below to get your randomly-generated Sningo card and save it or take a screenshot. We're looking at the game potentially going into September and I think these will only be available for 30 days or so.
https://mfbc.us/m/gv2ac8t
If that's not working you can pester me through chat or private message and I'll send you one.
There's no prize for winning, beyond the satisfaction of being Snake Bingo Champion. If you're the first to send me a screengrab or photo of your winning card I'll... uhhh... I dunno, I guess I could grant a Trivial Boon. Let's say ties are also allowed, since this might generate a few duplicate cards.
I'll announce each clutch ID as they hatch with the tag: "sningo 2023"
For those joining, we already have YR23 and HC23 hatched. Get out your Mecca daubers and mark 'em off!
#A trivial boon is a small favor#I could answer a question or help you with a low-risk problem#I have approximate knowledge of many things#I'm good at science and math and computers#and research#I'm good at looking stuff up#That could also be a discount on a snake if you want#I could record a voicemail message like they do on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me#I could tell your crush that you like them for you#Or I could break up with someone for you so you don't have to ghost#The options are extremely limited!#sningo 2023#sningo#snake bingo#snake adjacent#omg snakes
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