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gracewritesfics · 1 year ago

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You post thirst traps on social media hiding your face, and sext strangers, and he views it all from his anonymous account. But what you both didn't know was you were in the same college. Suddenly, he realises it as he notices details about you. And he recognises you and is totally shocked.

Y/n's pov;

I've been single for a long time now. Dating is so complicated. The last time I dated a guy was three years ago. It was a year long relationship that ended in nothing but a heartache and tears. I was done with dating. I didn't want another complicated relationship. I had developed commitment issues because of my past relationships. So, I decided on not dating anyone.

Anyway, I still wanted attention. I will not lie. I felt the need. So I created an account on instagram. It had a weird username so none of my in real life people recognise me. I posted a picture without my face, wearing a sexy top, that hugged me tight, showing off my curves. A few people followed me, mostly creepy guys. You know how it is. They go crazy. And start dming you all at once.

I saw my message requests as they were bombarded with texts with just a few pictures that I had posted. I replied to ones I found a little appropriate, not creepy. But then they asked for more, they asked to meet me and my information like my contact number. So I blocked them or ghosted them.

I did not want to have sex, not with some random guy from my social media. I did all of it for attention. I was loving it. I posted a picture with my red lace bra and my dms were flooded. I talked a little to a few guys. I had this pattern, I ghosted them as soon as they began to sound like a creep.

No one knows about this. This side of me. Not my besties. None of my friends. The day they get to know about it, it's over for me. Because in reality, I'm a really shy girl. Introvert. I had this image. But the pictures I had posted on that account, were questionable for someone like me. I was shameless there. Like for public entertainment. But I got what I wanted. Attention. And I got to show off my body. It was too sexy to keep it disguised. At least some guys could see and jerk off and sleep peacefully at night because of me. Right? I was just doing social work.

One night, it was insufferable. I needed someone to talk. But most guys in my dms were creeps. I didn't want to talk to them. I went a little too far as I tried to click a perfect semi nude. I wore panties that barely covered my ass. And I slid off the straps of my bra, it showed the most of my cleavage. And I clicked pictures, showing off my ass and then my cleavage. I pressed my boobs from the side of my arms to make them look more perfect and show off the cleavage more. And then I posted it on my story.

I was hopeless. There were only creeps. I checked every other dm, disappointed. Then, there was this anonymous account, it said, "Your body is beautiful." I looked at it and smiled. "Don't flatter me. There's no need." I replied. "I'm not flattering you, it's the truth. I think women's bodies are a piece of art crafted by god and yours is one of the perfect ones." The text read.

"Woah, woah. What do you want? Nudes? Sex?" I asked. "No. I don't want any of that, unless of course, you are comfortable." He texted. "Are you for real? Are you a guy?" "Yep, I'm a real person, a guy."

"Can you please... help me. I need someone." I said finally out of desperation. "Tell me." He said. "Send me your video, while masturbating" "Are you sure?" He asked. "Yes" I replied. I took off my bra and clicked a picture of my boobs while holding them with one arm and sent it to him after contemplating. "Damn, they're gorgeous." He texted.

His choice of words swooned me. Even if it was a facade. Maybe he's trying to impress me so he can fuck me in real. But it made me feel things. I was fucking wet already and then he sent me a video. His veiny hands, holding his dick, jerking it then going faster. I imagined it inside of me with every thrust he made by his own hand. His dick was leaking precum. And I was so wet. I shoved my finger inside me and paced it back and forth to get some satisfaction.

I felt a wave of tremble and my fingers were sticky with all the release. "Did it help?" He asked. "It did" I said but I needed him so badly. I needed that dick inside me. "Then sleep well, beautiful <3." He texted. My eyes were widened. It was sweet but, why would he text me like I'm his girlfriend. I was just a random stranger.

I logged off my account and decided I'd not open it. But a couple nights later again, I felt irritated with all the tension. I wanted a release. So I logged in. I tried not to text that guy. But everyone else was stupid, creep, asshole. "Hey" I texted. After a few minutes, he texted back, "Hi! How are you?" I told him I'm fine. "Can I help you with something?" "You already know." I replied. And then he understood.

Sexting with him was, so satisfying. He knew exactly what to say. It made me turn on even more. "I'll trail kisses from your neck to your shoulders. I'll paint you like a canvas with my tongue." He sexted in poetry, I was amazed.

Jimin's pov;

As I was pacing through the campus to reach the hallway, I bumped into a girl. All her pages fell down and got scattered on the ground. "I'm sorry." "It's okay," she said and began to pick it up. I bent on my knees to help her too. She was really polite, someone else would be arguing with me that I was running around..

For a brief moment my hand touched with hers... And I viewed it closely. I felt like I had seen those hands somewhere. I looked at her face, but I didn't know her. She looked into my eyes and then said, "Thank you."

"What for?" I asked. "For helping me, in picking all this mess up." "Oh, no worries, it was my fault anyway." I said. "It's okay." She said again and then went on her way. I looked at her from behind. Shoulder length hair. She wore a top and a skin fit jeans. She walked away and I went my way.

"Hey" she had texted. The girl from that account. "Can I help you with something?" I asked. "You already know."

I had controlled myself for a long time. Once, when I was in high school, I dated a lot of girls. They'd also get into bed with me and have sex. But as soon as they got a guy better than me, they'd leave. I don't usually say this for women, but some of my exes were bitches. Especially the last one, she took me to bed herself and later blamed me that I manipulated her into sex. She did so when I caught her cheating with someone else.

I had this anonymous account because I wanted to have zero social media presence. I did not want to add some stupid people to see what's going on in my life. When I came across this account of a girl, she posted her thirst traps. I was really intrigued. Although she intentionally posted pictures where she showed her curves and her cleavage but I couldn't help but notice every detail. The little moles she had. One on her collarbone. It was beautiful. She had a scar, on her left thigh, did she hurt herself?! I did not ask, it would be too personal.

I had texted her earlier complimenting her body because I couldn't hold back. Sure, I was jerking off every other night seeing her pictures. I was curious, how beautiful would she be in real. How her face would look like? If her body was so beautiful. I wanted to hear her moans. How would it be to fuck her?

...

I was climbing the stairs of college one day as a girl was descending and suddenly on the last step she lost balance and she fell down. If I had stood close enough I would have held her. But she fell and her skirt slid up her thighs. I'm not the one to peep like a shameless creepy guy. But what caught my attention was the scar on her thighs. I shook my head to come to my senses and held out a hand to her.

Her hand felt so soft, like a touch of a blanket in winter. She got up and straightened her skirt. "Thank you.. I.." she hesitated feeling embarrassed. "It's okay, it happens, don't be so worried. No one else saw!" I assured her. Then she smiled hesitatingly and went away. I looked at her as she walked away. Was she..? No, she is so shy and quiet. She can't be her. Its paradoxical.

...

"I want to ride you. Fucked by you from behind. I want you to fuck me so hard I can't walk." She was wilding. Our sexting had reached another level. Whenever she felt the need, she texted me and I was there for her. We imagined the filthiest scenarios and our imaginations were wild. We sometimes even got close. I asked her when she sent the picture of her ass, she told me she had those scars from harming herself. She told me her ex used her to get nudes and sex and then left her. I shared with her my story. We practically knew each other's worse secrets. But we did not know each other.

...

One day, as everyone was preparing for the college fest, students were gathered. It was a compulsion to take part in one thing or the other. So, I took part in a dance. It was supposed to be a pair dance with 5 pairs. There were other girls too, so we were told to choose a partner from participants. There was this girl I knew. We had bumped into each other twice. I chose her as my dance partner. We began to practice as the dance instructor told us to do.

I held her waist for a step and she rested her hand on my shoulder. She wore a top and it revealed a little bit of her collarbone. I saw a ... mole. What the fuck?! "What's your name?" I asked casually, smiling. "y/n, and you.." "Jimin Park." I told. I shouldn't do this. But I peeked through the gap on the neck of her top, and noticed another freckle on her cleavage, at the exact same spot. I moved away my gaze instantly. She. Is. Her.

The girl I've been sexting with. It's her. I noticed her face. More beautiful than I ever imagined. Her voice sweet like honey. I imagined her completely. From the pictures she had sent me. I imagined her under me, moaning in that sweet voice of hers. I controlled myself. As I still danced with her.

"Can you say my name?" I asked. "What?" "I want to see if you pronounce it correctly." I said. "Umm.. Jimin, right? Jimin!" She said. I wanted her to scream it louder. "Right!" I said.

...

I held myself back too much, knowing it was her, everyday we practiced dance and every night she'd say filthy things to me in the chat. She wanted to be fucked so badly yet in real she hid behind that mask of innocence. I'm not saying she wasn't innocent. But I knew her behind that shy girl demeanor. She was wild.

The fest happened. The dance practice sessions were over. We did not meet much in college after the fest. Not like we used to while practicing dance. When I placed my hands on her waist and imagined her naked in front of me like in her pictures. I knew every detail of her body. Her freckles, her marks, her curves, everything.

One night, after a couple days, as she was busy with exams, she texted. "I'm sorry I was MIA for a while." She texted at midnight. "That's alright, you must be busy." I said. "Yes." She said. "Exams over?" I asked, unconsciously. "How do you know about my exams?" She asked back. Fuck. "Who are you??" She asked. "Do you know me?" A series of texts.

"I know you pretty well, you've shared a lot about yourself." I said. "No, I did not tell you about my exams. Who are you?" She texts. "I'm someone, who knows you. In real and virtual. From your shy personality to your wildest dreams."

She freaked out. She stopped texting. And a few moments later, I was blocked. What the fuck? We had talked so much, and sexted so many times, now that I tell her I exist in reality, she blocked me. I had her pictures saved. I saw them for a while. Then in frustration I threw my phone on the side of bed.

...

I paced my steps, looking for her all around the campus. I searched so many places but she wasn't there. Finally I saw her in a classroom. Putting her head down. I went inside the class and sat near her. "y/n?" I asked. She jerked up. Her eyes widened and she was terrified. But as she saw me her expressions calmed. "Oh, Jimin. You." She said.

"Yes, me." I said. "I thought it was someone else." She said. "Who could it be?" "Um.. no one." "Then why are you so scared and terrified?"

"I-" She was going to say something when I placed my finger on her lips. "Do you not recognise me?" I asked. "What?" She looked confused. I showed her my other hand, flexing it. "This hand, do you recognise it?" I asked. Her eyes widened with each breath as she noticed my veiny hands.

"You dream of it every night, these fingers, you dream of them inside of you..." She heaved, her heartbeats heavy. She couldn't breathe. She got up and hurried out of the class. I followed her. Calling out her name in the hallways. She dashed across the campus. I ran up to her and held her wrists and pinned her against the wall of the auditorium. Our voices faintly echoed as we spoke because of the huge space.

"Why are you running away from me? Didn't you say that you want me?" I asked. "I..I.. never imagined, you were.. really."

"You have driven me crazy with your fantasies. And I want to fulfill each one of them, darling." I said. "Wh.. I ... Jimin."

"Stop the act. I know who you are. I have seen you behind this facade." I said.

"Jimin, I'm not the kind of girl... that's not me." She mumbled.

"Babygirl, don't be ashamed of your desires. It's not a bad thing. I know you. I know about your scars, your freckles, each line of your body. And I know you want this. Just tell me once. I'll give you everything you want. In every way you like it. Don't hold yourself back anymore." I said, cupping her face as she looked into my eyes.

"I.. want you to-" she was about to say when I crashed my lips with hers and began kissing her, biting her lips, shoving my tongue in her mouth. "Wa-..wait.. is this the right place?" She asked.

"How about, I take you to my mansion? There's no one else there, my mom dad have gone for a trip." I said. "your mansion?" Confusion etched on her face in indecisiveness. "Do you trust me?" I asked "Y..Yes. I trust you." She said. I grabbed her hand and dragged her to my car.

...

As she sat in the passenger seat I drove off the campus and I drove in speed. "Slow down, baby." She said. "I thought you liked it fast" I joked. She hit me playfully. As I parked my car outside my mansion. I looked at her finally, biting my lower lip in anticipation. Weeks and months of just imagining and dreaming.

Her gaze met mine and then dipped to my lips. I instantly grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss. Devouring her, like her lips were my favourite ice cream. I licked her, sucked her lips. She gasped as she tried to kiss me the same way. She moved her velvety lips against mine and I melted.

"Are we gonna do it in the car?"she asked.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hold myself back!" I said and she chuckled lightly which made my heart tickle. I got out of the car and pulled her out of the seat and into my arms. Slamming the door with my feet as I kicked it. I held her up in my arms. And rushed to my bedroom which was luckily downstairs. I rushed across the hall into my bedroom, I dropped her on the fluffy mattress of my bed and locked the door. No one was home, but just in case.

I want back to her after locking the door. She looked straight at me, laying down as I had placed her, hands on the sides. She put her legs close together joining them.

She wore a skirt, black stockings, and a shirt on top. It was sexy. But it needed to go. I held both her knees as she had her legs joined, and did them apart. Spreading her legs open. I yanked up her skirt, and put my hand over the thin fabric of her panties. I laid on top of her, kissing her, mixing her saliva with mine. My tongue practically fucked her mouth.

She fought for dominance but I kissed her hard. Then I moved down to her neck. Unbuttoning her shirt all the way down, I removed it from her taking off it's sleeves. She wore her red lace bra. "This is my favourite." I said as I kissed over her cleavage. Biting her nipples from over the fabric of her bra. While I made circular motion with my fingers on her clit and she was dripping wet already. She moaned and gasped as I moved my fingers slowly and then I slid down her panties and shoved my fingers in her pretty little cunt. I stroked her with my fingers as she moaned.

I paced them back and forth inside of her until they were soaking in her juices. I licked my fingers to taste her. And then put them in her mouth. "you're delicious, I can have you for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert." I said. And went down on her as I put my thumb in her mouth. And undoing her bra from the other hand in a second. She gasped. "Are you impressed with my skills, love?" "Hmphh!" She said with my thumb inside her mouth.

I licked her pussy moving my tongue and trying to devour her, putting it in as long as it can go, I tasted her. Her reactions drove me crazy as she moaned and breathed heavily. She shrieked when I put her clit between my teeth gently.

I went back up and kissed her hard. "Taste yourself, you filthy little girl." She chuckled. "How do you want it?" I asked. "Do I have to tell you?" She arched an eyebrow.

I scoffed. I knew her wildest fantasies. I knew how she liked it. I undid my jeans and she gazed at my dick shamelessly. I took her hand and placed it on my dick. "Feel it. How you said you wanted to hold it and do the things to me as I sent you the video?" I teased. She moved her hand and lashed it against my dick. I moved her hand and laid on top of her grazing her thighs with my dick. "Just... fuck me!" She said.

And I put it inside her. Slowly moving it at first and then increase the pace. I held her wrists to the sides. I watched her face, burning red, so flushed like a cherry. She was a smoking mess that I had created. I stroked back and forth faster, each time earning a moan from her.

"Say my name, love!" I said.

"Jimin! Jimin..Jim- Ahh!" I chuckled.. I couldn't help. It was so hot as she said, my name sounded like a melody.

"Do you want to ride?" I asked. She nodded with half lidded eyes. Sweating all over her neck and forehead. I laid down, and held her so she could get on top of me. I had wrecked her so bad. She got on top of me, I held her waist and she put her hands back on my thighs as I lifted them a little for her. She rode my dick, moving up and down as it pierced the insides of her. She moaned loudly. If I had neighbours, they'd surely enjoy.

"Jimin.." She mumbled and she brought her face down over mine. "I... I have fallen. In love. With you. I want you."

"I love you. Y/n. I want you all to myself. You are mine. You don't have to ask, I'll fulfill all your wildest fantasies. And no other man, could touch you like I do. They'll not see you like this. You're mine to fuck, mine to ruin and mine to love. All your scars, all your freckles, all your curves, mine to kiss and to touch."

"I love you baby. I promise. I'm all yours. Every inch of me. I belong to you. Take me as you want. I'm shameless. I'll be on my knees for you. I'll scream your name while you take me. Take me, completely."

#writrblr #fanfic #bts #fanfic bts #romantic #bts army #romance #bts fanfic #bts icons #fandom #bts jimin

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child-of-the-new-contagion · 2 years ago

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really gratuitous grace

12:38am: well, talk about gratuitous grace… I'm doing it again, half a week later - twelve r30s this time, I'm being "moderate" cause I'm not going for a new record dose, just another demi-god trip, where I will probably feel like god again, but a lonely god still rubbing up against His own Grain, the infinite cosmos of limitations based on this little personality I am most of the time, like those weaponized changeling virii that cut off their hand to morph into sentient goo that projects itself as an angry voice that wants, that controls, that demands.

well, well, well well well well well well, there's 5 wells in this instance going back to the well well there's an eleven angstrom shell of heaven between the living void and hell well, look what we have here i guess i'm really trying to re-live the glory days, and yet have high high hopes for making something new as well… dosed about 12:35 - the idea was, don't worry about it so damn much, how bout a spontaneous trip with good vibes, a gratuitous grace, at a point where no reasonable algorithm would dare think i would even consider doing this on this date, considering past behavior - or maybe the cleverest algo behind the clever one would

i'm thinking maybe i'll go watch something and see if i can get into the watching movie trip, and see how that works - integrate more, get casual and spiritual at the same time, some profane fusion - maybe keep it thc free, see how that is - see if it's maybe like a couple of great times where i was trying to follow a trippy m night shayama lambda delta movie on ketamine on creek street - lady in the water, lol, that will always be an A movie for me because of the enhancement, you kinda had to be there, you know? yk?

i think i might try watching that star wars series, andor… we'll see how that does me

1:18 pretty sure I'm starting to feel it. Can I try not to be so lazy in the swoon? Also there's the need to pee, strong. Midsection issues…

Scots evolution… in this disconnected watching of episode 1 of andor, strange vibe, not really following, but seems vaguely profound, in a different way than weed makes things seem profound, less vague in that case

I'm profanizing… Connecting to pasts though, magic on its own…

1:30 look at them, those forest people characters They're all so young. This feeling is getting familiar… Why is there such a need to pee? Lol.

The guy that did that thing

No cats to worry about as I wobble desperately...

1:55 i'm plugging things into other things, getting really complicated. fugal. comp crashed… seems to demand metaphors…. ok, we gotta work up a lather here… it's so strange that i find T in this place, and C, and where is my E? the best of all? can't mix though.

Carry over a gratuity… How are we solving the world's problems now? Is this like when we tried to Knext? Should I invite M? Should I start a religion? We can do what we want from this corner! We demand that we do it E style. It's silly, it's lovely, it's an old doiley, but what was old is young again! We could even have B back, and D too, I remember her, and the bonding of elements to women i loved [I can edit whenever I want, remember, I can interpolate, there's meta-cognition going on now, so I can pass through one state and into another, time-travel even, in the telepathetic field]

not being recorded, except experientially… what the mckenna boys could do with sound

i'm not very real, really? am i? is this some fucking captured not that important crumble?

like those ol dabbley immorality players of oldes… hmmm, trying to raise a second sequel over here….

it all gets streeeetched, including cancer drugs… gettin a little personal here…. oh, the songs and tones of deadly politics… Fuck. Wow. No,.

How can we make words have power again. Assign value. How do we make things valuable again, oh, i feel like i figured it out cause i'm not in a music video….

this case

that case

in any case

crossfire

as long as the series of tubes and weird hand flanges…

shubling…

let us just integrate everything and see what happens [prollly nothing good] it's too dense right now….

the voices are arguing with each other thank you for taking it seriously thank you for laughing, thank you thank you

the heat feels good

M, my friend, join us….

omg, 9-

#dxm #dextromethorphan #dr0gs

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untothisstormarchived · 7 years ago

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// yet again i have the urge to add ekaterina here...kjadkfhdsjf

#mun speaks #my lovely catherine the great!! also empress elizabeth was cool too #complicated women make me swoon

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boldlyvoid · 2 years ago

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Breakable Heaven | Chapter Four: BLUE

18+

Summary: the shape of his body, the colour they paint her brother's bedroom wall, the colour of the car he picks her up in, and the colour of the sky when she tries to sneak back in the next morning... it's all blue.

Warnings: phone sex, mutual masturbation, teasing, mentions of overstimulation and handcuffs, swearing. Mentions of spencers moms schizophrenia and his autism, hints at how Andy lost her own mother, sneaking out, heartfelt conversations

Word Count: 7.7k

Masterlist

Even when he was in a hotel with Derek while on a case, Spencer still found a way to call her to say goodnight.

It was a sweet little tradition that made her heart scream with joy. He was so unbelievably sweet, it was a shock that no one in his hometown liked him like this… how was he not drowning in women at Cal-Tech??

She went to bed, every night since meeting him, thinking about all the possible conversations they could have, imagining how he’d ask her out on more dates and how much fun they could have until she fell asleep. If she was lucky, he was in her dreams taking her on little dates or rocking her world… she liked those dreams the most.

He was her first thought in the mornings, too.

She saw him in every suit in every store window, she noticed things he’d like, she picked up on little stories happening in the world that he’d like to hear about later during their calls. Her life felt a lot more interesting when she was able to share it with someone so intimately. She’s never shared this much with someone, it’s normally terrifying to be so open, but she loves talking to him.

She’s concerned that she loves him… but she shakes that thought away whenever it shows up. She’s been thinking about him so much that any and all parts of him that she “loves” are made up from her mind and she shouldn’t rely on that. If she feels the same in a few months, then maybe it’s real… but she’s felt like this way too often about too many people to trust it.

She’s had crushes that felt this intense, but mostly on fake men… like Xander on Buffy, Paul Rudd in Clueless and her absolute favourite, Shawn on Boy Meets World. That boy was the yummiest, but thinking back to it, she always appreciated Cory’s sweetness above all else, she can see a lot of Spencer in Cory. She felt like his Topanga.

There’s no rules for this thing between them. It’s not like they’re just friends with benefits, it’s not like actually dating him would be the worst thing in the world… she just didn’t want the complications a label put on things.

Even without rules, he could still break her heart.

When her phone rings, she answers with a smile, “Hey there.”

“Hi,” his voice groggy and barely there. It was her favourite thing to hear.

“Did you have a long day?”

“No, we’ll, yeah but I also fell asleep, but I had an alarm set so I wouldn’t forget to say goodnight to you…”

She swoons, “seriously?”

“Yep.” He says with a hard P.

“You can go back to sleep, cutie, it’s okay.”

“Nooo,” he whines. “Tell me about your day? How’s Jas? Did your last exam go okay?”

She gives in with a sigh. She leans back against her pillow and gets comfortable under the covers, “if I start telling you and you fall asleep, I’m not going to be mad.”

“I won’t fall asleep again, I promise.”

“Okay then,” she gives in with a sweet smile. “My exam went well, I think? I never know with biology. Um, and Jas is good… I haven’t seen her since yesterday. She found a boyfriend for the summer.”

“She’s given up on the experiment?” Spencer fakes a gasp, making Andy laugh.

“Yeah, but it’s a good thing. She had enough data on sex anyway, it’s about damn time she started getting some love in there too.”

“Equal parts of sex and love do make a great relationship,” he agrees. “Am I ever going to get to meet her?”

“Probably” she shrugs, “she’s getting an apartment downtown, near Joe’s actually. So, I can tell my dad I’m at her place and go to yours instead…”

“Naughty.”

She can hear his smile. “What? Don’t tell me you aren’t also trying to figure out how to get me back over there?”

“It’ll happen when it happens,” he doesn’t seem too rushed by it. “Speaking of which, did you still want me to come and help you paint this weekend?”

“Yes, please,” she’s extra sweet. “Dad and Derek are going to build the crib and all the other baby stuff. Which also means Penelope and JJ will probably stop in to see them, so it won’t be too weird to have you there too.”

“I'm excited to finally see the Hotchner house,” he teases. “I’ve heard it’s basically a mansion.”

“It’s pretty big… I mean, we have a gate with a code and a rose garden with yard people, so yeah, it's basically a mansion.”

It makes him laugh, “And maybe now you can show me how you sneak out of your window…”

“I could,” she feels her cheeks start to burn. “You have a car, right?”

“It’s old. And loud.”

“Shit,” she bites her lip to think. “What if you parked at the end of the street and I met you down there?”

“Do you not need help getting down from the window?” He’s overly concerned. “Cause I already had a plan to just leave the car at the new build in your neighbourhood and walk over… I might have to climb the gate or jump the fence, but I was going to help you down.”

“My hair isn’t long enough to play rapunzel,” she teases him.

“Am I not a Romeo?”

“Older than me, check, my dad doesn’t particularly like you, check… you just better not stab yourself,” she tries to tease him but she just hears his bedsheets ruffle as he sits up.

“He doesn’t like me?”

“No, I mean, yes! Yes, he likes you, I just meant he wouldn’t like you if I showed interest in you, like marriage at 13 interest. He said he really likes you, you’re an asset to the team…”

“But?”

“But you can’t shoot for shit…”

“Great,” he smacks himself in the forehead, causing the slap to ring through the phone. “That’s just fantastic. I didn’t want you to know that! I have my qualification in a month. A month, okay!”

“Spence,” she softens her voice. “I’m not judging you. You’re a new agent, and you’re in a team that doesn’t require you to carry. It’s perfectly fine and normal to not be qualified yet.”

“Just because you know what to say to me doesn’t mean it’s true,” he mumbles.

“What was that?”

“It’s just,” he lets out an exasperated sigh and flops back down against his pillow. “You’re studying the human brain, you could be a psychologist if you wanted to… and you have the Hotchner gene of just knowing everything like you can read minds. But, just because you have a reason for it, it doesn’t stop my mind from being anxious.”

“I know that,” she sympathizes. “Does it help at all when I attempt to rationalize or would you like to ramble and search for an answer with my help?”

“You’d do that?”

She’d do anything for him.

“Absolutely, Spence. If there’s a way I can help you ease your mind, I’m going to help.”

“Why?”

“Well…”

Because I love you.

“Um, cause I like being your friend and I feel like you don’t have a friend who you can really talk to.”

It’s convincing enough.

“Okay,” he believes her. “You just have to promise me to do the same. Please talk to me. I uh, I have a hard time understanding meaning in people’s words and actions sometimes, and I’d hate to lose you— you know, as a friend and all, just because I couldn’t read something in you.”

“Well, luckily for you, I also come in audiobook,” she teases, “I can tell you for certain that I like you, Spencer. I enjoy our time together, and in my eyes, you’re really cool.”

“Really?”

“Really, really,” she giggles. “And, luckily for you, I have shooting experience… I’ve gone to the gun range with my dad a few times, I can teach you some things if you want?”

“Are you going to make me feel stupid like your dad does?”

“If you ever feel that way with me, shoot me,” she’s completely serious. “I’d never want to make you feel like that.”

“You never have,” he admits. “I can admit I also really like you. I think a bit more than a friend should…”

“Good,” she encourages it. “Cause there’s no rules to what this is, you know that right? We’re not dating, but we’re really good friends… sex with you is going to be great but I also really love these phone calls before bed. Sharing feelings and being open and honest and having fun without a label, just for the summer, is going to be fun.”

“So if I asked you to be my girlfriend in September, you’d say yes?”

“Maybe,” she teases him again, but inside she’s screaming at all the possibilities she’s going to have with him.

“Cat and mouse, that’s what we’re playing,” he can’t help but laugh. “but I’ll get you.”

“You’re the mouse,” she points out. “You’re the timid one, I’m kind of an asshole, so I’m a cat. It’s obvious.”

“I haven’t been called a pussy my whole life for this kind of treatment!” He jokingly calls back.

“Let me be the cat and you can have mine,” she changes her tone and hears him gasp in response. “See. I’m the cat.”

“Fine,” he gives in with a giggle, probably shaking his head with a cute little smile.

She never wanted to stop talking to him.

—

When he woke up from his nap to call her before bed, this was the last place he expected the conversation to go.

“No, you hang up,” she whispers through the phone, “you have to get up in 5 hours…”

He sighs, looking at the clock to see it's indeed 1 am. “I miss you too much in my sleep.”

“Oh yeah?” She teases. “Does it not carry into your dreams?”

He blushes, trying not to give anything away about the flight that shall not be mentioned. He still can’t believe he had such a dirty dream about her in such a public place. She was his boss's daughter, his best friend… the only girl he’s ever liked this much.

“So that’s a yes,” she answers for him with a laugh.

“No,” he panics, also laughing, “I mean, yeah… but they’re totally normal dreams, so…”

“That’s a lie,” she can see right through him. “I know because I’ve been having some good dreams about you too.”

“I doubt they're like mine,” he mumbles. “You have this crazy effect on me, my body and my soul.”

“Spence…?” her voice gets even lower.

“Yeah?”

“My roommate still isn’t back.”

“Is she supposed to be?” He worries for her, knowing how much Jasmine means to her.

“She’s out with her new boyfriend, probably getting fucked, so no one is here to hear us,” she spells it all out for him. “If you wanted to tell me what we do in those dreams of yours?”

A little moan makes its way past his vocal cords and out in a sigh, “you’re serious?”

Of course, she was. She was his perfect woman sent from heaven just for him. He’s never believed in God, he’s never understood worshiping someone so intensely… now he’d do anything to get on his knees for her. He’d worship her to the fullest extent.

“Come on,” she tries to entice him, not knowing he was already growing hard, willing to do anything with her as long as it was with her. “After asking me if I’ve had an orgasm, I’m sure you’d like to hear me have one?”

“Fuck,” heat rushes through his body at the thought. She was so sexy, he wanted more than ever to be the one to make her cum, but hearing it would suffice for now.

“Mmm, are you getting hard for me, baby?”

“Been hard a while now,” he’s honest with her. “You have that effect on me.”

“If only I was there with you again—

“We’d be picking up where we left off,” he insists. “If my pager hadn’t gone off, I would have devoured your pussy.”

She lets out a startled laugh, not used to him using that language or being so forthcoming. “Really?”

“Mhm,” he closes his eyes, thinking about it in depth. “I bet you taste delicious, fuck, I can’t stop thinking about how pretty you’d be on my fingers… my face even.”

Her breathing is heavy but she’s silent, “do you like how that sounds?” He teases.

“Yeah…”

“Good,” he’s never been this way with anyone before, but it suddenly felt right. “I need to thank you for taking such good care of me… my hand will never feel as good as yours did.”

“Are you touching yourself now?”

He wasn’t yet, but he takes the opportunity to free his cock from his boxers, “better question, are you going to touch yourself?”

“Can I?” She acts extra innocent. “Please?”

“Do you have any toys?” He wonders, hoping it’s not too much to ask.

“I do,” she whispers back, “when my roommate found out that Brad couldn’t get me off, she bought me one to make up for it.”

“That’s nice of her,” he can’t help his mind from thinking about her and her friend together. They seemed very close, it was only natural for people to experiment in college, he wouldn’t blame her if she did. “Can I ask you something really dirty?”

“Sure?” He can hear her open a drawer and dig around for something.

“Do you ever get off with her in the room?”

She laughs, “no, I’ve thought about it… but no. She’s had sex while I’ve been asleep though, I know that’s happened.”

“Huh,” that must’ve been uncomfortable for her.

“Why? Did you think we’d get off together?” She teases him. “Is that exciting for you to think about?”

“Well…”

“Spence—” she laughs at his honesty. “You know, last week also Haley asked if I was into women… apparently me being quiet means I’m gay.”

“There are rumours that you’re gay going around campus,” Spencer doesn’t hold anything back from her. “I’ve heard guys say that to cope with the fact you won’t date them.”

She scoffs, “of course, they would.”

“I ruined the mood,” he worries, scolding himself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, you didn’t,” she soothes him, “I mean, it sucks that they talk about me like that but I don’t care. And all you should care about is the fact that out of every agent there is, I broke my own rules for you.”

His brain malfunctions at the realization that she did, in fact, pick him out of everyone in the whole FBI. There were rumours spread about her, she was well desired with many options and yet she picked him. “You did…”

“Cause I like you,” she whispers. “Is it cool that I said all that…”

“Yeah?” He doesn’t know where the sudden lack of confidence in her voice came from. “I like you too, remember? I know you think this is really delicate, or you think I am… but without rules to break, we don’t have to be that delicate.”

“God, I wish you were here with me right now,” she whines.

“I would be delicate, with you at least, to savour it all.”

“Spence,” his name sounds wonderful on her lips in the dark. “Tell me more.”

“Okay,” he tries to stay calm, breathing steadily so he doesn’t give away how thoroughly turned on he is.

And then he hears the hum of her vibrator as she turns it on and a simple sigh of relief from her.

“Being the first guy to make you finish is something I’m going to hang onto with pride. But I’m not just going to stop at one. I could happily live between your legs, you’ll have to physically pull me off.”

“Shit,” a moan slips from her throat. “I’ve never been overstimulated before…”

“No?” He relishes the thought. “What if I cuffed you and used that toy on you till you were crying from it?”

She laughs, startled by this side of him. “Fuck me, please, oh my god?”

He grips his cock at the base, trying not to cum from just her sounds alone. “I wish I was, angel. Fuck,” he strokes himself lightly, thumbing the precum and gliding it along his cock for support. “I wish I was the one making you sound like that right now.”

“I bet if you fucked me, you’d see that little bulge in my stomach…”

He groans, gritting his teeth and breathing through his nose, he’s never been this fucking close and denied release before.

“I’m so close,” she barely whispers, panting as her orgasm catches up to her, he can only imagine how angelic she looks like that: right there on the edge, filled with every good hormone and endorphin known to man, completely blissful.

“Cum for me,” he instructs, almost forgetting the most important part. “Angel.”

He listens intently after that as the humming gets more intense, she goes up a level and moans as she ruts against the vibrator. “Spence, Spence,” she starts to unravel.

She makes his name sound like gospel. Her moans like prayer, repeated and affirming just how much she worships him back.

“I wish I could feel you cum in me,” she adds, unexpectedly.

He gasps, his hand stills and his heart almost beats out of his chest as it's covered in his own cum. He’s breathless like he just fell 3 stories and landed on his back, winded and speechless.

“Are you alive?” She teases him with a giggle.

“Uh-huh,” he smiles to himself. “a mess, but here, nonetheless.”

She lets out a long sigh, “do I hang up here or take you to the bathroom with me?”

“Mute yourself while you pee if you’re embarrassed,” he rationalizes. “I’ve gotta clean up too.”

“Okay, I’ll be back,” she warns and then the line goes silent.

He forgets that muting herself means that she can still hear him. This means she now knows he talks to himself while he does little tasks, and he holds himself sometimes too.

He huffs as he gets out of bed, ‘Jesus, could you have made a bigger mess at 1 in the morning?’ He mumbles to himself. He takes a few tissues from the box and attempts to wipe himself off before stripping the sheets.

‘Perfect, just fucking perfect,” he throws them into the hamper and opens his drawer in search of a new pair of boxers.

“I can hear you, you know,” he laughs as she picks back up. “I made just as big of a mess, it’s not that bad for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I move home tomorrow so all my other sheets are packed away, I’m going to have to sleep on a wet spot.”

“Don’t get me hard again,” he’s completely serious, but she still laughs. “I’m probably not going to get to sleep tonight…”

“A nap and an orgasm… might as well’ve had coffee when you called me,” she teases. “If you make yourself yawn you’ll be able to sleep, I promise.”

He yawns almost as if she put a spell on him, “hey!”

“I know how the brain works,” she squeals back. “Do you want to sleep or not?”

“Preferably with you,” he admits, “but if I’m going to get any sleep tonight, I’m going to have to say goodnight and finish changing my sheets.”

“Okay, goodnight Spencer. Text me in the morning?”

“Of course, angel,” he wouldn’t ever forget. “I’ll see you in 2 days, good luck tomorrow.”

“Thank you, night.”

“Night,” he hangs up right after her.

There’s a silence that feels like something is missing.

“Love you...” He whispers into the empty room and then sighs. “Too much for my own good.”

—

Jas sits on the edge of Andy’s bed, causing her to stir, “wake up sleepy head, it’s moving day.”

She groans and rolls into her pillow, “noooo.”

“Come on, I brought you coffee and breakfast,” she entices her.

Andy sits up with a sigh, she rubs her eyes and moves her long blond hair out of her face, “I’m exhausted…”

“How late were you up?” Jas is automatically confused because she never stays up too late.

“Like 3?”

“Why?”

“Spencer and I were on the phone,” she can’t hide her smirk, “we kinda, you know… got off together?”

Jas basically jumps for joy, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her as she cheers, “oh my god!! You’re growing up so fast!”

“And I get to see him on Saturday,” she adds, reaching for the iced coffee on her night table that Jas so kindly brought. “How was your night?”

She shrugs, “we watched America’s next top model in his living room and cuddled, we made dinner together and we had sex before going to sleep at 11:30… it was like we’ve been married for 10 years, it was so routine?”

“So you feel safe with him?” Andy smiles at her with hope, it was such a wonderful feeling, being in love.

She nods, pressing her lips together in an awkward smile, not wanting to give too much away, she gets bashful. “I think I love him?”

Andy squeals, bouncing on her bed a bit, “I can’t believe you finally did it!!”

“Oh, shut up,” she pretends it’s not a big deal. “I haven’t told him yet, I don’t want to scare him off.”

“It doesn’t matter if he knows! You’re growing up too!” Andy teases her right back, “I’m so happy for you.”

“You just better spill everything when you fall in love with Stephen Hawking Jr,” she pokes Andy in the side before hugging her.

Andy rests her chin on Jasmine's shoulder, holding her with her free hand, “I will… I told him I just want to have fun this summer and so he asked if he could ask me out in September when all is said and done and life goes back to normal.”

“And you said?” She wants every detail STAT!

“I said we’ll see,” she can’t help but lead her on, “I honestly don’t know how this’ll go, I’m just letting it happen. Who knows, he could change his mind or run away when my dad gets on his case… you know how it goes.”

“You’re going to end up marrying this kid, I can feel it,” she gets up from Andy’s bed and wanders over to her own. “And we’ll look back on the days we had here, reminiscing about how we weren’t going to date agents and then did that exact thing.”

“So it’s official, Henderson’s your boyfriend?”

She nods, “he asked me this morning before I left, he said he didn’t want to see me go without me knowing I meant everything to him…”

“Oh,” she swoons, “okay, I like him too, that’s so sweet. I’m so happy for you!”

“I’m happy for you too,” she smiles at her from across the room. “What time do your parents get here?”

“Move out is at 11, so like 10:30 knowing them,” she laughs, “it’s my dad and aunt Jess coming, Haley’s not walking up all these stairs to help me leave when they’re trying to prevent Jack from exiting early.”

“It’s going to be weird not living together,” Jas gets emotional.

Andy’s head tilts to the side while she pouts, “Jas, I’m going to miss you!”

“You have to come to my apartment sometime this summer?” She makes Andy promise.

She nods enthusiastically, “of course! Maybe I can bring Spencer and our guys can bond too?”

“That would be perfect.”

“You’re not losing me that easy,” she gets up from bed and heads over to wrap Jas up in a hug. “I love you, bestie.”

“I love you more.”

—

Pulling up to his boss's house on a Saturday morning was weird. He could admit that.

Before he can even roll his window down and buzz for the front gate to open, it’s opening on its own. He drives in and the first thing he see’s is Andy, standing in the driveway with a big smile as she waves.

He carefully parks his car behind her dad's and she’s opening his door before the car is even turned off. “Hi!”

“Hey, Angel,” he keeps his voice low as he gets out and wraps his arms around her for a quick hug. “How are you?”

“Amazing now,” she smiles with a sweet blush. Her make ups done, her hair is curled and braided, and she looks beautiful for just wanting to paint a room with him. “Blue jeans and Nikes?” She teases him. “Who are you and where is Spencer Reid?”

“Yes, I own jeans,” he shoves her lightly, “I didn’t want to ruin anything nice.”

“Smart, and you look good,” she smirks, raising her brows a bit. “Um, did you want a tour?”

He nods, “sure,” not realizing what she meant by tour.

She drags him around to the garden, hidden behind a rose bush, she pushes him up against the house and kisses him suddenly. He lets out a shocked gasp before giving in, closing his eyes and relaxing against the wall. She presses against him, leaving him no choice but to wrap his arms around her and hold her close as her tongue explores his mouth.

He almost forgets they’re just outside her father's house, his boss could literally come around that corner and murder him if he found them, but Andy didn’t care.

When she pulls back, he feels like she kissed all the smarts from him. He looks at her like an idiot, blinking a few times, “wow.”

“It’s been a long week,” she teases, “I missed you.”

“You shouldn’t have kissed me,” he teases, his hands lowering over her butt and he pulls her in flush against his chest. “I’m not going to be able to think about anything else for the rest of the day.”

She smirks, moving her hands from where they rested on his shoulders to cup his face. She soothes her thumbs over his cheeks, staring at him contently, “I know, but we get some alone time later…”

He nods, “and you can steal as many kisses as you you want throughout the day.” He adds with a smirk before leaning in and doing just that.

She gets caught up in him again, so much so that she lifts one of her legs to get closer to him. He can’t get enough of her as he palms her ass and thigh, she moans into his mouth and then has to pull herself back, hands resting on his chest, “uh-uh, calm down there, cowboy.”

“Cowboy?” He laughs, “how’d you know thats what I wanted to be when I grew up?”

“Hotchner’s know everything,” she reminds him. “Now you better be good or else my dad will figure this out.”

He nods, “I’ll be on my best behaviour, mom,” he teases her. As if he would act out in her father's home. Especially when he knew there were at least 3 guns available to him at all times. He was a scary dude, Spencer wasn’t going to fuck with that.

“Hm, he was right,” she mumbles, tilting her head with a raised brow quickly.

“Who was?”

She sighs, “my dad said you’ve got mommy issues, so I figured it would translate into the bedroom.”

He laughs, but the longer he thinks about it the less funny it gets, “huh…”

“See,” she smirks, “but I don’t mind, I do too.”

He nods, “maybe we can talk about it sometime?”

She gives him a sweet smile, “yeah, I’d love to get to know you a bit better.”

“Likewise,” he squeezes her butt one last time and then lets her free, “should we go start painting?”

She kisses him one last time but Spencer continues to push her along, slapping her butt as she skips off in front of him. “Hey!” She laughs, continuing around the bush and back towards the front of the house, the two of them giggle together all the way, they almost miss Derek in the driveway.

“What’s going on here?” He points between them, already skeptical of what their answer could be. He takes his sunglasses off and stares them down.

“Oh, I was just showing Spencer the garden and he pointed at the hoe and said, ‘oh, I didn’t know Derek was already here?’ and look who showed up,” she lies easily, making Spencer smile.

“I see how it is,” Derek glares at him, “what are you even doing here?”

“Helping Andy paint the baby’s room,” it’s a rather simple answer, seeing as it’s the truth. “I’m tall and take orders well, and she doesn’t have to pay me.”

“Exactly,” Andy agrees. “Speaking of, we still need to tape around the ceiling, did you want to help?”

“Nope,” Derek shakes his head, “I’m going to build a crib and eat whatever Penelope brings.”

“Save a sprinkled donut for me,” Spencer requests.

He gives him a thumbs up before walking off and towards the front door. He quickly runs up the stairs and heads inside without knocking, “that was close.”

“He won’t figure it out,” she sounds so sure of herself.

Spencer doesn’t know how to take that, so he just keeps walking towards the house and she follows quickly behind. “Have you ever been here before?”

He shakes his head, letting her go inside first before him.

Up the staircase and down the hall, she heads right to Jack's room. “So 3 walls are going to be light blue, but this main wall here where the crib will go is going to have a darker blue and I’m going to add clouds later.”

“Sounds cute,” Spencer agrees, tucking his shirt into his pants before he kneels down to open a paint can. “Do you want to start taking off the outlet covers?”

She nods, “yeah, I have to go find a screwdriver first.” And then she’s gone, leaving him all alone.

He takes a look around and looks out the window which faces the wide-open backyard they had surrounded by forest. The closet is already stocked with diapers and baby clothes, there are toys at the bottom and boxes of compacted furniture in the hallway. They were really ready for this baby to join their family.

“Why are you here?” Aaron stops at the doorway, puzzled to see him.

“Oh, Andrea asked me if I’d help her paint, cause I’m tall and she wouldn’t have to pay me,” he repeats what he told Derek earlier.

He purses his lips and nods, “okay, well, thank you, uh, I’m going to put some coffee on. Did you want some?”

“No thank you, I had some before I got here,” he can’t help but feel awkward.

Aaron just nods and keeps heading down the stairs, passing Andy on her way back up, who just says: “morning, gotta paint,” and keeps running.

She closes the door when she returns, resting against it with a sigh, “fuck,” she catches her breath hastily, “I hate those stairs.”

“You’re not supposed to run up them 2 at a time,” he teases.

“How did you know?”

“Based on the sounds of your feet,” he shrugs, it’s how his brain works. “There are 16 steps and you made 8 stomps.”

She smiles as she shakes her head with such fondness for him, that it’s just overflowing into the room. For the first time, he knows.

This is infatuation, this is longing and yearning and everything ever described in a love song… this was where he had to catch her as she fell for him.

This was everything he waited his whole life for.

“What?” He smiles back, feeling just as giddy.

“Nothing,” she pretends she isn’t overwhelmed with feelings for him. “Um, the tape is there,” she points to the materials, “if you want to start with the ceiling?”

He nods, quickly snapping back into reality and getting to work.

They have small talk the same way they would on the phone at night, it flows normally and somehow always ends up with them somehow talking about the meaning of life, philosophy, world religions, aliens, you name it. They didn’t have a limit on what they could talk about with each other, and she actually liked to listen to all his answers, no matter how long and contrived they are.

They talked all through the paint prep, through the first coat on the main walls and even during their lunch break. Haley ordered them all pizza for a job well done, she was extremely grateful for not having to lift a finger.

“How do you know so much?” She asks with a twinkle in her eye, adoring him more and more each time he went on a rant about something.

He normally just shrugs and shakes his head, but this time he stops to really think about it, “when I was a kid I spent a lot of time with my mom, she was a literature professor, so I’ve always been drawn to learning more and reading as much as I could, and I guess all the information is just stuck in here now.”

“That’s so cool, did you go to class with her a lot?” Andy wants to know more, even though she already knows more than anyone else in Spencer's life.

He simply nods, “until she couldn’t work anymore.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she assumes the worst. “I lost my mom when I was 3.”

“I’m not sure when I lost my mom,” he admits, biting the inside of his lip and turning away from her, he wasn’t normally an emotional person when in front of others. “She has schizophrenia.”

“Is she on medications?”

“Yeah,” he’s quiet, he dips his paintbrush in the deeper blue and begins the outline on the main wall to distract himself. “It’s just hard, being more of a caretaker than a child… as well as her emotional support person, her punching bag and a full-time student.”

Andy takes the paintbrush from him and puts it down, she pulls him into a hug and holds him close, letting him rest his chin on her shoulder while she snuggled into his. “I know this doesn’t make up for it all, but I wish I knew you growing up so I could’ve given you more hugs all the time.”

“They say 8 hugs a day keeps your nervous system regulated,” he explains softly without letting her go.

“So only like 6 more left to give… unless this counts as 2?” She doesn’t let go either. “What’s the appropriate amount of time for a hug.”

He shrugs with her still in his embrace, “don’t care. I like this one too much.”

“You know, I really thought we’d end up covered in paint and arguing the whole time,” she admits, not yet letting go.

“Why?” He laughs, pulling back to look at her.

“Because I’ve seen too many movies where someone takes charge and the other gets mad so they splash paint on them and then it becomes a paint fight and before you know it, they’re on the floor kissing and covered in paint,” she explains.

“Like in 10 things I hate about you when they go to the paint place… it’s like paintball but they use water balloons?”

“How do you know that movie?” She’s genuinely shocked.

“I spend a lot of my time in hotels,” he reminds her and then does the unthinkable.

He grabs the paintbrush from the paint tray and brushes it along her bicep, “oh no, how did that happen?”

She gasps, “you did not…”

He nods, lips pressed together, “but I did?”

“We can’t make the floor blue,” she scolds him but then dips her finger in the paint and boops him on the nose, “there, now we’re even.”

He pulls her in close and kisses her, smearing the blue paint against her nose and cheek. She rests her hand on his cheek, getting more paint on his face and neck, and then the door opens and they have to break apart in a flurry.

“Jesus, Marble,” Andy knows right away that it’s just their dog and not her dad. She picks up the cute little Corgi and brings him over, “Spence, this is Marble.”

He pets his head, scratching behind his ear, “Hi Marble. You’re so nice, and quiet? Most dogs bark at me like I’m a danger to them.”

Andy laughs, “he’s so chill, he’s a Hotchner.”

“I didn’t know you had a dog?”

She nods, “he was my uncle Seans, but when he went into rehab the first time Marble came to live with us and now he doesn’t have a dog-friendly apartment.”

Spencer spends a few more moments petting Marble, taking to him sweetly without noticing how Andy watches him. “You’re going to be good with Jack when he’s born.”

“You think?” His eyes gleam.

She nods, “you’re gentile and you radiate a calmness that I think us Hotchner's gravitate towards.”

He just laughs to himself, shaking his head in absolute disbelief. “I can’t believe you actually like me?”

She sets Marble back down before looking up into Spencer’s eyes, she cups his face in her hands, “start believing it, pretty boy.”

“You’ll just have to show me how much later,” he teases, “I still don’t know how you sneak out…”

“Come with me,” she takes his hand and drags him to the door, looking out into the hall to make sure the coast is clear.

She continues down the hallway to her room, dragging Spencer inside, hearing Marble's little nails click on the hardwood as he follows with a pep in his step.

She grabs a makeup wipe and carefully takes the paint off Spencer's nose. “My turn,” he takes it from her and wipes the paint off her face too, he’s extra gentle with her, he uses this moment to study her face. There's a gold fleck in her brown eyes, she has so many freckles on her cheeks, she’s everything to him.

“I can’t wait to be alone with you,” she whispers, “like, really alone.”

“Me either,” his eyes flick between her lips and back to her eyes, all he’s thinking about is kissing her until he has to leave again.

But she breaks away, showing him the window, “my window leads to the roof, then I climb down the vines there, it’s not that hard.”

“Okay, he nods along, “your dad made it seem like you’re some Houdini who can sneak out of anything…”

“He’s overdramatic,” she laughs. “You should know that by now.”

“He’s only ever serious at work,” Spencer explains, “at least, I think so… I’m not sure. I’ve always had a hard time reading most people.”

“I figured,” she tilts her head slightly like she’s been studying him for a while and just found the hypothesis. “You said your mom has schizophrenia?”

He nods.

“Have you been checked for Autism?”

He nods again, “how did you know?”

“There’s a link between women with schizophrenia and having children with Autism,” she explains, “and most people with autism don't develop schizophrenia.”

“Really?” His heart stops, that’s the one fear he’s had his whole life. He never wanted to become like his mom. He wanted to grow up and have a family and provide the way he was supposed to. He wanted to be a good dad and marry a good woman to be a good mom to their kids who would only ever know a happy family.

Andy nods, stepping closer to him, she places a hand on his cheek and brings him in closer to her. She rests her forehead against his, “no matter what, I think you’re wonderful and sweet, and smart… you’re going to lead such a wonderful life, Spencer Reid.”

“I just hope you’re in it for a while,” he whispers. “A long while.”

“I hope so too.”

—

She told him where to park, how to jump the fence and where to wait outside her house, only for him to show up early to throw rocks at her window.

She opens it with a smirk, “I’m surprised you could hit it,” she whispers, teasing him for his typically bad aim. “Hold on a sec.”

He nods, not wanting to make too much sound outside, her dad could still hear them and wonder if it’s an intruder… he didn’t need to get shot just to take her on a date.

She grabs a jacket and a couple throw blankets before climbing out her window and onto the roof, her room was on top of the garage, so it wasn’t like her dad could hear her walking on the shingles. She tosses him the blankets and motions for him to step back while she grabs onto the trellis and shakes it a bit to check if it’s still as sturdy as it once was. She finds her footing, she climbs down carefully and before she knows it, she’s face to face with him in the garden again.

“Hi,” she whispers, getting closer to his face and brushing her nose against his.

“Hi,” he whispers back before stealing a quick kiss, he tosses the blankets under one arm and takes her hand in his, “let’s go.”

It’s so hard not to giggle as they run, Spencer is like a newborn giraffe with his shaky limbs and large strides. They sneak through the bushes, past the trees and over the little stone fence that mapped the perimeter.

His car is parked just down the street, “I hope you don’t mind, my car is ancient.”

“It’s cute,” she’s pleasantly surprised by it.

He walks her to the passenger side and opens the door for her, letting her get settled in before he closes it too. He rushes around to his side and quickly turns the car on.

“What did you have planned for tonight?”

“Well,” he smirks as he drives off, “Gideon is at his cabin this weekend which means the lake access near his house is vacant and now one can see us…”

“Ooh,” she likes the sound of that. “You sure he won’t mind us breaking in?”

He shakes his head, “I asked in advance if I could bring a girl over when he was out of town, so we can watch the stars and stuff… he laughed and told me to knock myself out.”

“That’s mean,” her brows furrow, giving him a similar upset look that her father carried around on a daily basis. “I seriously don’t understand why they think you’re some nerd virgin?”

“Cause I am?” He reminds her with a laugh, “I don’t mind. It’s nice that they don’t think I can have something like this because then they aren’t asking me questions, that would be the hard part.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because if I had the chance to talk about this with them, I’d never be able to shut up,” he admits, turning the same colour as the streetlight they stopped at. “I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret if they knew I was seeing someone.”

“Does it bother you that I don’t want anyone to know?” She has been wondering that all week, hoping he didn’t think the worst. “I’m not ashamed to be with you, I don’t think you’re weird or anything, I just don’t want my dad to do to you what he did to Peter.”

“I heard about that, and just so you know, it wouldn’t phase me, I’m a doctor,” he teases.

“Funny,” she smacks his arm but then takes his hand in hers. “Seriously, I just want you to get to know me on my terms, not the version I am for my father or the reputation I have at school because of him, I want you to like me for me.”

“Do you want me to be honest?” He suggests, turning down a dimply lit back road where all his attention stays.

“Please do.”

“When I joined the team, your dad was celebrating you getting your GED and getting into Georgetown, he showed me all the photos in his office with you in them, I saw your softball championship and your grade 8 graduation, I heard all about how wonderful, talented and cool you were from him and that’s how I think of you,” he explains and her heart swells. “I know how mean kids can be at school, so what they say doesn’t matter. And frankly, from the moment I met you, I knew I wanted to know all of you, not just the bits of gossip I’ve heard from all over.”

“My dad said you were a genius, Haley said you were awkward and had a thing for blondes, that’s all I knew going into this,” she admits right back. “I flirted with you at the banquet because I thought it would be fun to make you blush, and then that shade of red became my favourite colour.”

“I am driving,” he reminds her, overwhelmed with feelings from her confession.

“Sorry,” she shakes the emotions out. “I’m just excited to be with you, that’s all.”

“I’m excited to be with you, too,” he admits. “And for what I have planned tonight, how would you feel about me setting up a little picnic and my telescope and we can look at the stars together?”

“I’d love that?” She can’t believe that’s what he planned. “Really?”

“It’s all in the trunk, and I’m glad you brought more blankets cause it’s colder than I expected,” he pretends to shiver.

“It’s the breeze off the lake,” she explains, “too bad I didn’t bring my bathing suit.”

“I’m not a good swimmer,” he admits. “I never really learned.”

“So now there are 3 things I get to teach you,” she teases him, so infatuated she could burst.

“What?”

“Shooting, sex and swimming.”

“Fuck you,” he can’t help but laugh, he just shakes his head and turns down Gideons street.

“I’m trying to get you to!” At least she’s honest.

“Soon.”

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inexplicifics · 3 years ago

Note

I'm rereading Only Love Proudly and there is this one line which Milena says about Lambert 'He volunteered to carry me down the mountain, you know'.

And now I can't help myself but imagine how exactly did that happen? Why Milena of all the ladies? How did he ask? Did he enjoy helping her? Did she still smell of fear then?

Would you ever make a ficlet about it? Because it had to be so adorable 💜.

Lambert realizes how fucking stupid it was to volunteer to go along on the "hunting trip" about ten minutes into it, which purely coincidentally is also when that bitch Agata starts whining about her shoes, or something like that. Unfortunately, Buttercup would probably object if Lambert shoved her off a cliff. It would be undiplomatic, and they're supposed to be at least pretending they don't think all of these idiots are wasting their time trying to win Geralt's favor. As if Geralt's ever going to pick anyone but Buttercup, seriously. Even if they can't smell worth a damn, they should be able to see that easily enough.

Once Agata starts complaining, apparently all the other noble bints think they can chime in, and Lambert grits his teeth and runs through every Gnomish swear word he can think of and then tries to translate them into Nilfgaardian, which is complicated enough that he can almost ignore the shrill sounds of the women's voices.

He has to keep an eye on them, though, because if one of them falls over a cliff her own damn self Buttercup will still be disappointed, and he notices after a few minutes that one of them isn't whining at all. She has her jaw clenched like she's biting back pain, but her back is straight and her head is high and she seems determined not to let on that she's unhappy.

It's the pretty little noblewoman who talked to them at that stupid fucking feast in Tretogor. Milena, that was her name.

Huh.

They keep going uphill for another few minutes, and then Geralt, the ass, raises his head like a hunting hound pricking up his ears and then goes haring off into the underbrush. The noblewomen gasp in shock, the other Witchers cluster in around them just in case what Geralt spotted was a wyvern - unlikely but not fucking impossible, wyverns are just barely stupid enough to attack a large group of Witchers if they think there's a chance at easy prey - and then of course Geralt comes out of the underbrush again chasing a damned elk.

He brings it down with his belt knife, because of course he does. Half the noblewomen swoon in horror, and are very surprised when the Witchers don't catch them. One of them tries to catch herself, stumbles sideways, and yelps as she turns her ankle.

Ah, shit.

One of the Griffins offers to carry the injured woman down the mountain, and she has to agree - there's no way she's going back down herself, not on a twisted ankle - but she smells bitterly of fear as he picks her up. And they are supposed to be encouraging these women to want to leave, so Lambert's not surprised when several Vipers and Cats step forward to offer the same "courtesy" to the other noblewomen.

Milena is closest to him, and she...doesn't actually smell afraid. She does smell like she's in a fair little bit of pain, though. Her pretty boots are clearly not meant for actual hiking.

Lambert looks down at her, grimaces, and says, knowing he's probably going to regret this, "Want a lift down to the keep?"

"Oh!" she says, blinking up at him in surprise. "That...would be very kind of you - Lambert, is it not?"

"Yeah," he says, a little surprised she remembers his name. He picks her up carefully, like he's lifting the cub - she doesn't weigh all that much more, really.

All of the other women are sitting very still in the Witchers' arms, looking deeply uncomfortable and smelling miserably and terrified. Milena is tense for a moment, and then, slowly, relaxes, curving more securely into his hold.

"Thank you," she says quietly, and then, with an actual little smile, "Do I weigh anything to you?"

"You really don't," Lambert says, starting down the mountain after the rest of the party. "Like -" he tries to think of a comparison based on what he's seen the servants in Kaer Morhen carrying. "A basket of bread, maybe?"

Milena giggles.

It's...a really sweet sound.

Oh...fuck.

#questions answered #accidental warlord au

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doobnnoob-tf2 · 3 years ago

Note

Different guy here but I beg of you to rant about Spy’s sexuality if ya don’t mind ^-^

Feel free to ignore and have a lovely day!!!

okay so, I actually go back and forth about his sexuality a lot, he’s either bi or gay to me, just kinda depends on the context

bi is self-explanatory, most people see Spy as bi

..now before you come at me with “wait but what about Scout, he can’t be gay!”, I have my reasons

Spy loves Ma, dearly, truly. he would do absolutely anything for that woman if she asked him to and wouldn’t give it a second thought, she’s a very dear friend to him (even in my version of him being Bi and them being together, they’re always very close friends first and foremost)

but he was never IN love with her

Spy admits in his confession to Scout that he was young when Scout was conceived. he met a woman who swooned HIM in ways he didn’t really comprehend and he mistook loving her as being in love with her. he met a woman who managed to sweet talk HIM after he’d been used to having to sweet talk other people in order to con them. not that she did it maliciously, she was just a confident, gorgeous woman who knew how to read people and what to say to them

and things were confusing and complicated and he got scared and he left, but he never left her because no matter what he loved her. it probably took years before they got together in private and had a real talk about what happened and they stayed very close to each other

they never cut contact, even before their talk and Spy opened up to her about his feelings he always made sure to check in with her as often as he could, and she always supported him. they love and care for each other and nothing was ever gonna change that

she will however still tease the shit outta him when they discuss their tastes in men together (*cough*Sniper*cough*)

my experience on the matter is under the cut

I am a gay man, who for many years identified as pan, I have in the past dated a couple fem-aligned people. it does not make me any less of a gay man. I came to realize after having a long conversation with a friend of mine about their identity that I was gay. I realized that I had no attraction to women, but rather I was attracted to the idea of wanting to be friends with certain women.

I didn’t come out as trans until after I was an adult because I missed all the signs. I look back now and I see them, and I also see that I was very much masking my complicated feelings for my gender by telling myself I was attracted to women. I was over compensating in a way, I only felt the way I did because I was also attracted to women. I can’t explain how or why that’s where my mind went, but it did. and I spent a lot of years very confused and it took me a long time to get to how I identify today and for once actually feel comfortable with myself.

my interpretation of Spy being gay comes from that. (minus the trans part because I personally don’t headcanon him as trans but you get my point.)

there’s no evidence whatsoever to support my headcanon, but I don’t really care about that, it’s mine and I’m sticking to it

also I’m not tagging this one bc I don’t expect it to be a very popular headcanon and I don’t know how people will react and I’d rather just avoid dealing with anyone who wants to come at me over it, I’m totally okay with reblogs I just don’t really feel like tagging this

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when-i-was-your-angel · 3 years ago

Text

Just For Tonight

Pairing: 40's Bucky Barnes x Reader

AU: Singer!Bucky Barnes x Bar Owner!Reader

Word Count: 6,157

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Smut, minor dumbification, dirty talk, Bucky has a filthy mouth, petnames, princess, doll, peaches, honey, sweets, sweetness, all the petnames because I'm a self indulgent motherfucker, drinking, alcohol use, cursing, implied minor sexual assault, implied violence, major character death, Steve Rogers makes an appearance

Summary: Bucky's been singing at Y/N's bar for two years now. When he gets his papers, will they confess the feelings that have been bubbling up between them all this time?

Smooth vocals filled the air as he sang. Low harmonies, high vibratos. Y/N wasn’t the most learned of women, at least musically, but she could spot a good voice when she heard it. And, boy, had she heard it.

Bucky Barnes had been her iceman for a year before she heard him sing. His lovely tunes came soaring in from her freezer room as she swept up the floor of her nightclub. Well, it was really more of a speakeasy, but don’t let the coppers in on that tidbit. She’d nearly dropped her mop when she heard the mind-numbing lullaby he was crooning. She’d hired him as a singer that very day.

It took him hardly five minutes to adjust to the spotlight, getting up there and singing his heart out. All the ladies swooned, of course. Emptying their pockets for the handsome bachelor. Soon enough, he was her main event. “James Barnes, Every Friday Night” in bright yellow paint on the brick of Y/N’s Clubhouse. People came for Bucky, but they stayed for the drinks. Half price shots for every patron that left a tip in Bucky’s box.

Tonight, though, he was singing especially beautifully. For what reason, Y/N wasn’t sure. All she knew was the ladies were about to faint, and the men bought drinks for the women about to faint. Business for Bucky meant business for Y/N, so who was she to complain?

Having James around was also a nice comfort for Y/N. Some of the men could get a bit handsy with her, seeing as she was a single woman running a nightclub. They assumed she was for sale along with her drinks. Bucky would remind them that she most certainly was not. A fist here, a well-placed kick there, and boom. No more hassle.

It also didn’t hurt that he was a hell of a charmer. He’d flash a smile and all the girls would go wild. A few guys too. He flirted with everyone, sure. It was part of the allure. A charming young bachelor with a voice that’d make even the angels green with envy. Still, he always managed to make one feel like they were the only person he had eyes for. This was especially true for Y/N. Her heart soared everytime he looked her way. But, she kept it under control. Emotions complicate things. She wouldn’t let emotions get in the way of the best business deal she’d had in… ever.

But tonight, as Bucky stood on that stage, sweat shining on his forehead, his white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his black suspenders exposed… Y/N didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to hold out.

Towards the end of the night, as the partygoers filtered away and left them with just the regulars, Bucky slowed his songs down. Gone were the upbeat rock and roll radio hits, traded out for songs that Bucky had written himself. Usually, he’d go for covers of whatever was on the radio at the moment. At times like these, however, his voice would turn slow. Melancholy, one might say. His blue eyes would sparkle with unshed tears as he sang his heart out. Something had made him especially emotional tonight, his voice cracking on a high note due to the thickness in his throat.

“Just for tonight.

Let me believe that you love me.

Just for tonight.

Let me believe that I’ll be yours.

Just for tonight.

Let me stay here by your side.

Just for tonight.”

Bucky’s last song of the night faded out, a quiet round of applause coming from the regulars. Just For Tonight was a favorite among this crowd, and Bucky knew it’d be getting him some extra tips. Even if it did make his heart sink to sing it.

Y/N turned the chairs over around closing time, signaling the patrons that it was time to go. They left their last minute tips in Bucky’s box and closed out their tabs, waving goodbye to Y/N and telling Bucky what a great set he’d had. As was the norm, Bucky stuck around to help her clean up. She’d insisted time and time again that he needn’t do such things, but he insisted right back that he was a gentleman, and to leave a lady working alone would be a mark on his conscience.

So, after the chairs had been stacked and the tables wiped down, Y/N returned to her place behind the bar to pour Bucky his normal two fingers of whiskey. She had a bottle saved just for him, a top shelf brand that was affectionately nicknamed “Bucky’s Booze”. He took a seat at the bar with a sigh.

“Make it a double.” He said, voice low and raspy from overuse. Eyebrows creased in concern, she obliged. Four fingers of whiskey were poured and slid to Bucky across the polished wood of the bar.

“Wanna talk ‘bout it?” Y/N responded. She told herself this was nothing more than checking on her investment. Ensuring her business was going to remain steady. The way her heart fluttered when his blue eyes met her hazel ones said otherwise.

“I’m alright, peaches. Thanks, though.” He hummed, taking a sip of his whiskey and letting out a satisfied sigh at the burn.

Y/N’s cheeks flushed at the name, as they always did. He’d started calling her peaches a long time ago after some long since forgotten joke. That’s all it was, really. A joke that ran too long. But the way her stomach flipped and her ears stained red proved it was much more than a joke to her. She took in a long breath and nodded, pouring herself a glass of cherry wine. The small of her back was pressed to the counter as she leaned against it, closing her eyes and sipping from her glass.

“You okay there, hon? Somethin’ botherin’ ya?” His low tone never failed to make her weak in the knees, the rasp of his voice only amplifying the feeling.

She hummed in response, shaking her head softly. “Nah. Jus’ feelin’ a little melancholy after that set tonight. What’s got you so sad, sugar? Any gals I need’ta be teachin’ a lesson?” Y/N’s lips curled into a half smile, attempting to cheer up the man before her. It failed, though. His eyes remained sad, trained on the brown liquid in his glass.

“‘M sorry. I wish- God, I wish I’d done this differently.” Bucky said. Y/N was confused, as he seemed to be talking more to himself than to her.

“What d’you mean, Buck? Done what differently?”

He didn’t give a verbal response, only pulled a folded piece of cream colored paper from his pocket. He didn’t have to tell her what it was. She knew. Her brothers had received papers just like it.

“When?” Y/N said, voice lethally sharp.

“Peaches, I-” Bucky started, apologetic. He never got the chance to finish his sentence, as Y/N cut him off.

“When?” She said again.

“Three days ago.” He admitted, casting his gaze downward in shame.

Y/N couldn’t speak. She could hardly breathe. Her mind roared with anger, sadness, disgust, confusion, and betrayal. The strongest of the emotions whirling in her mind though, was fear. She was utterly terrified to her core. He was leaving.

‘“When do you leave?” Her voice was broken, but not nearly as much as her heart. She hated how meek she sounded, like a kitchen mouse.

Bucky’s shoulders slumped and his cheeks reddened in shame. He bit his bottom lip to keep from crying.

“Tomorrow.”

Silence.

Silence was all Y/N could hear as she observed the man before her. She felt light-headed. Her knees were weak and her stomach flipped and it was all the things Bucky had made her feel but now it was wrong. It was tainted by this deep, gut-wrenching fear. It flooded every sense, all she knew was fear. All she knew was terror.

“I'm sorry.” Bucky said, and suddenly everything came rushing back. She remembered she could speak, so she did.

“Why’re you apologizing?” Y/N said, her tone too aggressive for her liking. She knew exactly why he was apologizing. For leaving her alone. They had yet to act on it, but Bucky and Y/N had been far more than business partners, far more than friends, for a long time. She showed it in the way his drinks were always on the house, and the way he was the only one she’d let call her peaches. He showed it in the way he always helped her clean up, and the way he slipped some of his tip money into her jar at the end of the night.

“You know why.” He responded simply. That was all he needed to say. She knew. He knew. They always knew, deep down.

Y/N nodded, unable to meet his eyes, knowing he’d see the tears there. She knew she’d been caught when a loud screeching noise met her ears. Bucky’s barstool pushed across the wooden floor and then he was in front of her. His large hands cupped her face, his thumbs brushing over her cheekbones.

“Oh, peaches. Don’t cry. Don’t shed any tears for me.” He murmured, trying to comfort her.

Her eyes met his. Hazel met blue, and everything was wrong. This wasn’t a tender meeting of the eyes, this was fear. This was a last ditch attempt to reconcile for the past two years. This was goodbye.

Then her lips met his, and everything was right. He kissed her as an apology. She kissed him as a promise. A promise of tomorrow. Every brush of his lips on hers was as good as him swearing on his ma’s grave. “I’ll come back.” He said non-verbally. “I’ll come back to you. I’ll come back to us.”

Bucky broke the kiss first, apologies already spilling from his lips.

“Oh, gosh, doll. ‘m so sorry. I- I shouldn’t have-” He was cut off by another kiss, Y/N’s lips desperately searching for his; and, well, Bucky was a gentleman. Who was he to deny a lady?

Their height difference became cumbersome after a while, and Bucky decided that leaning over to kiss his girl just wouldn’t do. His hands found the back of her thighs, lifting her onto the counter like she weighed nothing at all. Y/N broke the kiss to catch her breath, his actions taking the wind right out of her. Bucky took the opportunity to drag his lips down to her neck, kissing and nipping and sucking at every available inch of skin.

The small whimpers leaving Y/N sounded like absolute heaven to Bucky, and in that moment he understood what people meant when they said his voice moved them to tears. Y/N’s hands tangled in Bucky’s hair, pulling him close to her heated skin. A moan tore from her painted lips as Bucky nipped at a sensitive spot below her jaw. He let out a noise not unlike a growl as he forced himself to stop his actions, resting his forehead on her shoulder instead.

“Why’d you stop?” Y/N panted, tugging lightly on his hair to encourage him.

Bucky groaned, pulling back to look at her. “Peaches, if I don’t stop now, I dunno that I’ll be able to stop at all.”

Y/N noticed how Bucky’s eyes were hazy with lust, a look she knew was reflected in her own eyes.

“I don’t want you to stop.”

That was all it took to break Bucky’s resolve as he crashed his lips to hers yet again. Years of stolen glances and forbidden touches boiled over in a culmination of wet kisses and wandering hands.

Cool flesh met Y/N’s knees, the fabric of Y/N’s dress being pushed slowly aside. Her head tilted back in a gasp, her virgin skin alight with every sensation he provided. With a questioning look and a resounding nod, Bucky had permission to go further.

His heart thudded in his throat, aching to please her and hear those delicious noises again. Bucky’s hands parted her thighs with ease as Y/N was just as eager as he was. The thought reinvigorated Bucky, his hands moving quicker to their goal. A well-placed thumb brushed over the fabric of Y/N’s underwear, applying pressure to that sweet bundle of nerves he’d found in other women over the years.

“Bucky…” She whimpered, hips bucking into his hand. Her eyes fluttered closed, her lips parting in a delicate ‘o’ shape as she moved her hips against his stiff digit. Bucky swore he might’ve passed out if not for the liquid courage in his veins. The woman he loved, even if he had yet to admit it to her, was taking her own pleasure from his hand.

“Fuck, honey. Can I- Please-” He muttered, unsure of what he was even asking for. He was immediately answered with a chorus of “Yes, yes. Please, yes. Of course, just, please.”

Strong hands wrapped her thighs around his waist, anchoring her to his body as he carried her up the stairs of her clubhouse and up to her apartment. His lips never left her neck, his eyes open to see where he was going.

The couple reached her bedroom soon enough, and Y/N was quickly deposited on her bed. Bucky laid over her, moving his head to kiss her lips again rather than her neck. Y/N’s hands wandered, unbuttoning his shirt with deft hands. The man stopped her, placing his hand over hers.

“Doll, are you sure? I don’t- Gosh, I don’t want to do this then leave you-” He was cut off by a sweet kiss. Y/N fell back against her pillows after a moment, her hair spreading in a halo around her. Her smaller hand cupped Bucky’s jaw, her thumb brushing his cheekbone.

“I’m sure, Bucky. Just… let me forget. Let’s live tonight, and maybe we can both die tomorrow.” She smiled softly, staring into his eyes.

Bucky was speechless. She knew he’d be leaving tomorrow, knew she might end up broken hearted in all this mess, and she wanted him anyway. His heart swelled, his pupils dilating with the pure, undying love he had for her. His voice finally seemed to kick in, a slow smile spreading on his face as a single reminiscent sentence left his kiss reddened lips.

“Just for tonight.”

Quick but shaky fingers unbuttoned Y/N’s dress, each half of the fabric being pulled apart slowly. Bucky felt like a kid on Christmas morning, the way every inch of skin was exposed to him like a present being unwrapped. Bucky kissed the inside of her knee as he slid her black kitten heels off her feet, doing the same with her stockings soon after. He wished and prayed for the sight to be burnt into his memory, hoping for her image to keep him company when her body couldn’t.

His lips poured over her skin like syrup on Sunday morning pancakes, lighting Y/N on fire from the outside in.

“Bucky…”

Blue eyes met hazel.

“Yeah, sweets?”

“Faster.”

Not a request. A command. A low groan resounded from somewhere deep in Bucky’s chest and he nodded, crashing his lips to hers in a sloppy dance of tongue and teeth.

Y/N’s dress was discarded and Bucky’s lips kissed down her velvety soft skin. He got a whiff of the arousal that had made a wet spot on Y/N’s baby blue underwear, a full fledged whimper leaving his lips at the sight and smell. His fingers hooked in her waistband, his eyes meeting hers.

“This okay, babydoll?” His deep, lust-driven voice echoed through the air.

“Yes. God, yes. Bucky, please.” She begged, back arching off the bed as her deft fingers undid the clasp of her brassiere. The thin material was tossed aside, Y/N’s breasts revealed in the low light of her bedroom.

Bucky bit hard on his bottom lip.

“How am I s’posed to get to work down here when you’re lookin’ like that up there?” He taunted. Y/N didn’t have a chance to respond before Bucky’s lips sealed around her right nipple. He laved his tongue across the supple pink flesh, letting out a pleased hum when it pebbled beneath his touch. Low whimpers left Y/N’s swollen lips, a hand tangling in his hair as she arched into his touch.

“Bucky, please. ‘m achin’ for you, baby.” Her voice was utterly wrecked, a fact that didn’t escape Bucky. His lips curled into a smirk as he left her nipple with a pop.

“Nuh-uh, sugar. I ain’t done with these pretty tits’a yours yet.” That was seemingly the truth as his lips moved to her other breast, sucking the smooth skin into his mouth. He nipped and licked all over the mound, not letting a single inch of her skin go untouched.

When Y/N’s delicious moans proved too much for Bucky, he pulled away from her breasts. He left soft kisses down her abdomen, sucking gentle bruises on her hip bones and smirking as the skin stained red.

Her mind spun as Bucky pulled her panties down, the blue fabric tickling the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Bucky let out an obscene groan at the sight of her cunt. The glistening coiled hairs covering her mound proved a mouthwatering sight.

“God, baby. Fuckin’ soaked,” was all the warning Bucky gave Y/N before his mouth was on her core. Her resounding gasp and the moan of pleasure that followed had Bucky rutting his hips into her mattress. Determined to taste her sweet release, his tongue worked her over furiously.

His plump lips closed around Y/N’s clit, sucking with a grace that came only with practice. Bucky maneuvered her thighs over his shoulders, anchoring her to his face with a bruising grip on her hips. He ate her cunt like it was his last meal, because to him, it was. The only meal that mattered.

Y/N’s whines and low murmurs of praise met his ears, spurring him on. He moved down an inch, his tongue prodding at her dripping entrance. A cry of pleasure echoed through the apartment, quickly being covered by Y/N’s hand over her lips. Bucky growled, a clear sign of his displeasure. He pulled away from her for hardly a second to speak.

“Lemme hear you, baby. Gimme somethin’ to dream about when I’m over there, sweets.” Then his mouth was back on her, kissing and sucking at her folds. Y/N hesitantly removed her hand, choosing to rake her nails through Bucky’s thick chestnut locks instead. She squirmed in his grip, hips bucking against his face as he drove her closer to her peak. More cries of pleasure left her lips, along with warnings.

“Bucky, I- Fuck, baby. I’m gonna- I’m…” Her words trailed off, her mind far too gone in bliss to focus on something as trivial as words.

“Go on, angel. Mark me as yours.” Bucky pushed a single finger into her warm walls as his lips wrapped around her clit again, and Y/N was flying.

Her vision went white, her blood roaring in her ears and her heart thumping in her throat. A rush of slick covered Bucky’s finger, her syrupy release thick on his hand. Bucky worked Y/N through her high, pulsing his finger slowly before pulling it out. He didn’t miss a beat, sucking the digit into his mouth. Bucky flat out moaned at the taste of her, and Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight. His chin was covered in her slick, his fingers dripping with her essence. His fingers left his mouth with a thigh-clenching pop and he turned to her.

“Think I have a new reason to call you peaches.” He said, voice thick with palpable tension and lust.

“Christ, Bucky, jus’ fuck me already.” Y/N panted, desperate for him.

Bucky smirked, unbuttoning his pants at a torturously slow pace. “What’s the magic word, peaches?” His shoes were toed off, kicked aside.

Y/N licked the inside of her cheek, huffing a laugh at his insufferable smugness. “Now?”

He chuckled, pushing his black slacks down and nodding. “That’ll do, sugar.” He flung his trousers elsewhere, palming himself through his boxers. “Condom?”

Her eyes widened in response. “I- I don’t have one…”

Bucky chuckled, kissing her knee as he knelt down to rifle through his trousers. “I got it, sweets.” He stood up with his wallet in hand, flipping it open and pulling out a square of paper. He looked back to Y/N with questioning eyes.

“You sure about this, baby?”

Y/N gave an eager nod, biting her lip softly. “I’m sure. Please.”

He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Alright, doll. Gimme just a second, alright?” Bucky tugged off his boxers, his half hard cock bouncing free.

“Wait-” Y/N started, sitting up in bed. “I- I wanna make you feel good too.” She said softly.

Bucky chuckled, finding her naivety amusing. “You will, doll. Don’t worry about-”

“No, I- I wanna make you feel good with my mouth.” She looked at Bucky with wide eyes.

His own eyes darkened, his pink tongue darting out to wet his lips. “You do?”

She nodded.

“Shit, baby. Alright.” Bucky kicked off his boxers, laying down on his back in the middle of the bed. His cock had grown at her sultry words and innocent eyes, bobbing softly against his stomach. Y/N looked confused, unsure of what to do.

“Want me ta teach you?” He asked softly.

She nodded again. “Please.”

Bucky swore under his breath, her eagerness to please him sending shivers down his spine.

“Spit in your hand for me, baby.” Bucky commanded, biting his lip as he watched her follow his orders. “Now wrap your- Oh, fuck.” His hips lurched, jutting into her hand as she took the initiative herself. Y/N’s smaller hand wrapped around his cock and pumped him slowly.

“Like this, Buck?” Y/N questioned.

“Ju-Just like that, doll, fuck.” He whimpered in response.

Y/N looked up at him and knew right then that this was her new favorite thing. Bucky had his bottom lip worked between his teeth, his eyes half-lidded in pleasure. His cheeks were stained a pretty pink, his hair mussed from the way she’d pulled it as he worked her through her peak.

“So pretty, Bucky.” She said softly, leaning over and pressing a gentle kiss to his red tip.

Bucky, not having expected the contact, jutted his hips up into her mouth. His tip slid past her lips, grazing across her tongue. The motion elicited a moan from both of them. Bucky’s eyes widened at the sound that spilled from her lips, and the way she didn’t pull away.

“Shit, you like that, doll?” He asked, voice low and raspy with lust.

Y/N only nodded in response, sucking softly on his tip.

A resounding groan was Bucky’s answer, his hands tangling in her hair. “You tap my thigh if I need’ta stop, alright?”

She hummed.

“Good girl.” Bucky started thrusting into Y/N’s mouth, his ass lifting off the bed as his cock impaled her mouth. Y/N moaned softly at the feeling, sending vibrations up his cock.

“Oh, fuck- Do that again, baby.” Bucky begged, his hips stuttering in her mouth.

Y/N obliged, humming around his girthy length. Bucky let out an obscene moan, pulling Y/N off his cock by her hair. She pouted, looking up at him with confused eyes.

“If you kept goin’, I wouldn’t get to fuck you, sweetness.” He said with no shortage of smug confidence on his face.

“I- Oh-” Y/N stuttered over her words, blushing like mad. This only spurred Bucky on, his smirk deepening and voice lowering as he moved closer to her.

“You still do want me to fuck you, don’t you, baby?” He whispered, breath hot on her ear.

She whimpered, a high noise that was like music to Bucky’s ears. “Please.” Y/N whispered back.

Bucky groaned, swearing under his breath. She was perfect. “Alright, peaches. Get on your back for me, yeah?”

Y/N quickly obeyed, getting on her back in the middle of the bed. She worked her red bottom lip between her teeth as she watched him, eagerly awaiting whatever came next.

“Spread your legs, honey. Lemme see you.” Bucky said, standing on his knees in front of her.

Again, Y/N obeyed. She spread her thighs apart, letting Bucky see the dripping state of her folds. He sighed at the sight, wrapping a hand around his aching cock and pumping it slowly.

“You want me to fuck you, peaches?”

An eager nod from Y/N, her hair jostling with the quick movement.

“Say it.” He commanded, his thumb swiping the precum from his tip before rolling the condom on.

“I want you to fuck me, Bucky.” Y/N whimpered with wide eyes.

He smirked, pleased with her state of desperation. “Who am I to deny my girl?” Half a second later, Bucky’s lips were on Y/N’s again.

Bucky knew he didn’t have long with her, Y/N knew they were on borrowed time. They both silently decided they had to do this before he left. Had to know what it was like to belong to the other, before they were both lost forever.

Her breath hitched as his cock brushed her hip bone, the hardness of it making her wet cunt throb with need. Y/N broke the kiss to speak, Bucky’s lips travelling to her neck by instinct.

“Bucky, please.” She pleaded, her hips spasming beneath him in search of any kind of friction.

He chuckled, smiling widely against the supple skin of the woman’s neck. “You’re eager, aren’t you, dollface?” Her answering whine was enough to break Bucky’s resolve. “Alright, alright. Bossy.” He teased, kissing her neck before resting his forehead against her collarbone. Bucky’s hand stroked his cock a few times, running the covered shaft through Y/N’s folds.

“You ready, peaches?” He whispered.

“Fuck, yes. Please, Bucky.” Y/N whispered back, voice thick with lust and wanting. Years of pining had led to this moment, and she wanted to remember every second of it.

His lips peppered gentle kisses across her neck as he pushed his tip in.

Y/N’s lips parted in a gasp, her eyebrows furrowing at the sensation. It wasn’t painful, just… odd. She’d never experienced a sensation quite like it. Never been so full before. She didn’t realize it, but her walls were fluttering rapidly around Bucky’s thick cock. Bucky had realized it, though, and it was taking all his willpower to not jack rabbit into her.

“Fuck, baby. Can- Can you take more? ‘m dyin’ here.” His voice was tonal, as if his moans were threatening to break through at any second.

It took a long moment for Y/N’s pleasure-addled mind to recognize that Bucky had asked her a question, but her answer was immediate once she did. “Yes, yes. Please. Bucky, just- Take me.”

Bucky thought he’d died and gone to heaven. The most beautiful woman in the world, beneath him and begging for him to take her. “Yes, ma’am.” He muttered, slowly pushing in the rest of the way.

Every nerve in Y/N’s body was on edge, every neuron firing synapses of every color of the rainbow as Bucky seated himself inside her. Neural pathways formed in her mind as he took her innocence, telling her; ‘Yes. This is what you’re supposed to do. You’re complete.’

“Oh,” was all she could manage. “Oh.”

“Oh? Tha’s it?” Bucky chuckled, trying to relax her because damn she was still squeezing the life out of him.

Y/N huffed a laugh, her hardened nipples brushing Bucky’s chest as she did. “You ain’t started movin’ yet, sugar. We’ll see if you earn more than ‘oh’ soon enough.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her newfound smugness, finding it amusing that she’d changed her tune so quickly seeing as she was begging for him mere moments ago.

“That so, babydoll?” He leaned down, lowering his voice to a near growl. “I’ll earn much more than ‘oh’. And you better give me what I deserve, peaches.” A soft pinch of his teeth on her earlobe was the only warning he gave before he started thrusting.

His hips pulled away from hers a few inches, the most her tight walls would allow, before slamming back in. Bucky made sure to read Y/N’s expression, not wanting to hurt his girl. At least, not the first time. Her face contorted in pleasure, her eyes half-lidded with lust and her lips parted in a silent scream.

“How’s that, honey? This dick treatin’ you right?” He murmured, pride swelling in his chest at the way Y/N couldn’t even respond verbally. She only nodded, her lips parting and closing as if struggling to find the words. Bucky smirked at the sight.

“Aw. Pretty babydoll. Where’s those smart words now, hm? Got you too drunk on my cock, you can’t even speak, ‘s that it?” Bucky cooed in a mocking tone, his ego inflating with every second that passed that Y/N couldn’t answer.

“S-So good,” was what she eventually managed to stutter out, her voice strained from the moans she’d been holding back.

The praise made Bucky’s mind spin, glad he was pleasuring his girl. Low grunts and groans fell from his kiss-reddened lips as he picked up the pace, starting to thrust faster. His large hands hooked under Y/N’s knees, pushing her thighs to her chests and moaning as his cock slipped deeper inside her.

“Fuck, baby. Takin’ me so well. Feels fuckin’ heavenly.” Bucky murmured, thrusting at a steady pace. He rested her ankles on his shoulders and Y/N yelped, her body shaking for a few moments.

“Right- Fuck, Bucky. Right fuckin’ there.” Y/N groaned, eyes rolling back in pleasure.

“Yeah? My cock hittin’ your sweet spot, peaches?” Bucky smirked, pressing a kiss to her ankle as he angled his hips for that spot again and again.

She nodded frantically in response, bringing her hands up to cup her breasts. Y/N’s fingers pinched and pulled at her sensitive nipples, the pink nubs pebbling under her touch.

Bucky bit hard on his bottom lip at the sight, concentrating on not blowing his load right then. She was pleasuring herself while he fucked her stupid on his cock. A wet dream come true.

“You gettin’ close, sugar? Want you to cum for me. Want you to soak this dick like you soaked my face.” Bucky gasped his words, the pleasure in his abdomen becoming impossible to ignore.

“Y-Yes. God, yes. Touch me, Bucky, please.” She begged, her back arching and breasts bouncing with the force of his thrusts. Bucky eagerly obeyed, wanting nothing more than to see his girl cream on his cock. His right hand rested on her hip, his thumb stretching to brush her clit.

A half dozen more thrusts and Y/N was shouting, her hands fisting in the sheets in a desperate attempt to ground her floating body. Every muscle in her body tensed and every muscle released, a flood of her arousal coating his shaft. She clenched hard around him as her release swept over her in waves, ecstasy soaring through her very being.

He grunted her praises, jack rabbiting into her and using her to reach his own orgasm. Bucky wasn’t sure where her moans ended and his began, only able to hear her sweet noises of pure bliss as he tumbled off the edge. Y/N’s legs slipped from his shoulders, falling around his waist. Bucky soon fell as well, barely able to keep from crushing her by holding himself up on his elbows. He kissed her neck and murmured sweet nothings, pulling away to look at her face.

Bucky’s lips curled into a pleased smile at the sight before him. Y/N’s neck was marked with purples and reds, his doing. Her face was relaxed in post-orgasmic bliss, his doing. Something territorial in Bucky awoke, and he almost regretted wearing the condom. He thought about how pretty she might be some day, full and swollen with his child.

Y/N’s gaze met his as he stared at her lovingly. She searched his blue eyes, finding nothing but adoration and lust there.

“You alright?” She asked softly, her voice croaky. Bucky chuckled at the sound.

“Fuckin’ fantastic, doll. You?”

She hummed. “Same.”

Bucky smiled, kissing her lips gently. Y/N’s hands came up to cup his face, her thumbs brushing over his cheekbones. He reluctantly broke the kiss after a few moments.

“I gotta pull out now, babydoll.” He murmured, lips brushing hers as he spoke.

She whined in response, eliciting a soft chuckle from Bucky. “I know, girlie. I know. I wanna stay too, believe me. Can’t be havin’ the condom breakin’ though, can we?”

Y/N huffed, admitting defeat. “Fine, fine.” She kissed him briefly. “Go on then.”

Bucky nodded, kissing her as a distraction as he pulled his covered shaft out of her warm depths. He groaned at the feeling, wanting nothing more than to stay buried in her until the sun rose and set and rose again.

“Let me go deal with this, and I’ll be back to clean you up. Alright, princess?” He whispered, peppering kisses over her face and eliciting a giggle from his girl.

“Yeah, yeah. Go on, ya sap.” She rolled onto her stomach, her ass sticking up in the air. Bucky let out a groan, smacking her ass playfully before darting off to the bathroom. He discarded the condom, wiping his cum covered cock up with toilet paper and washing his face and hands before coming back to Y/N.

Bucky curled into bed beside her, laying on his side and brushing his knuckles over her cheek. She had her eyes closed, her breathing steady.

“Bucky?” She asked, speaking barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, doll?”

“What time d’you have’ta go tomorrow?”

The question made his breath hitch and his heart ache. He was thankful her eyes were still closed, unsure if he’d start crying if forced to see the heartbreak in her pretty eyes when he told her.

“Sunrise.” He whispered, his voice cracking on the simple word. Her eyes opened.

“You’re gonna come back to me, right? You’re gonna come home?” She whispered back, almost as if she was afraid Hitler would hear her way across the sea and send a squadron out to make sure he didn’t.

“‘Course I will. Can’t leave my best girl here by herself, now can I?” Bucky didn’t believe the words he said. Something in him told him he wouldn’t make it home. But the way her eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed eased the guilt he felt for lying.

“You better. Dunno what I’ll do without my star.” She curled into him, resting her forehead against his chest. Y/N’s small breaths hit his skin and Bucky sighed. She was here for now. He was here for now. They were together for now.

“Well, you don’t have’ta worry about it. ‘Cause I’m comin’ back.” He murmured, squeezing Y/N tight to his chest.

“You promise?” Y/N whispered, her lips ghosting his supple skin.

“I promise, peaches. I promise.”

Tomorrow was uncertain, but tonight was sure. Bucky belonged to Y/N, and Y/N belonged to Bucky. It was truth to them. A fact just like gravity.

Y/N fell asleep soon after. Bucky just held her, running his soft hands over her skin. He wondered how stained and rough his hands would be when he came back. If he came back. Would they be calloused from holding a gun all day? Stained with blood and scars? The thought horrified Bucky. He’d never held a gun in his life. If Bucky Barnes was anything in that moment, he was scared. Truly, and to his core. Terrified. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He just wanted to sing. To stay in the arms of the girl he loved, to keep her safe.

Keep Y/N safe.

That’s the thought that struck a chord.

If Bucky didn’t fight in this war, she might have to.

That’s the thought that got Bucky Barnes out of bed before sunrise. The thought that got him dressed, got him out the door, and on the ship to England.

Bucky didn’t say goodbye.

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->

The war ended.

The men came home.

Y/N stood anxiously at the docks everyday, waiting for him.

For brown hair and a bright smile.

It never came.

Blonde hair and blue eyes did, though.

Steve Rogers, he said his name was.

He held two pieces of paper and a chain.

Dog tags.

“No.”

“No, he’s not.”

Steve reached a hand out, showing what else he held.

A picture of her, her name and address on the back.

A death certificate, his name and address on the front.

Y/N’s heart broke.

Her knees hit the wooden dock below her.

Her star was gone.

“He promised.” She said.

“He promised,” she repeated again, clutching to Steve like a lifeline as his arms wrapped around her.

Tears fell on her shoulder.

“I know.” Steve whispered in her ear. “He promised me too.”

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #fanfiction #marvel #steve rogers #the winter soldier x reader #the winter solider smut #40s bucky #james buchanan barnes #the first avenger #bucky #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers x bucky barnes

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gashinabts · 4 years ago

Text

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties.

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him.

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex.

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag.

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin.

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung.

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes.

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach.

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out.

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?”

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin.

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic.

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts.

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor.

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you.

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.”

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?”

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.”

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you.

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table.

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?”

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?”

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes.

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet.

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…”

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards.

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes.

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?”

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door.

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back.

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water.

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes.

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago.

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it.

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him.

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers.

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair.

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work.

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back.

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you.

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace. “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head.

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you.

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!”

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help.

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties.

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation.

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?”

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary.

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay. “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away.

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument.

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry.

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs.

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug.

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car.

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination.

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-”

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child.

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them.

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.

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