#completely unprompted i have no idea why i remembered that

[iamyounicorn]

JUST realized I would not be able to go to my friend's wedding even if the money to fly there and back miraculously manifested in my bank account. Because I don't have a fucking passport

[nocreativityfornames]

I like the idea that demons and angels don't need water to survive and most of the cast was deeply confused by MC drinking it so often because "it didn't taste good" and they couldn't wrap their heads around why MC was so "obsessed" with it.

And then they found out that water is crucial for a human's health and humans DIE if they go for a few days without it and suddenly a whole new fridge was installed in the kitchen filled with just water bottles, MC started getting "h2o deliveries" completely unprompted throughout the day, texts from all of them reminding them to hydrate, etc

"MC, here's your water."

“Oi, have you had yer life juice yet?”

"Remember to hydrate."

"I still can't believe you humans depend on this to survive. How stupid is that?"

"MC, do you need some water?"

[upon-a-starry-night]

Number Neighbors Pt. 14

Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader

Natasha Masterlist Series Masterlist

Word Count: 1k

Summary:  When you catch sight of the newest trend going around you know you’re all but bound to at least try it, it was harmless anyway. What could possibly stem from something so little?

----

(This chapter takes place a little before last chapter of Nat’s pov)

The taste of the dessert was still simmering on your tongue as you walked home from your date. The thought that Nat had maybe seen you hadn’t left your brain since you got that note. The one you were still desperately clutching in your hand, rereading it over and over again and imagining Nat writing it. Her handwriting fits her personality so much. You wondered if she would be open to the idea of becoming pen pals. 

The second you’d read the note you’d scrambled out of your seat to catch the waiter and ask if she was still there but he only shook his head and gave you a pitying smile.

“Can you at least tell me what she looked like?” You didn’t know if you were breaking some unspoken rule of whatever game you were playing with Nat but you had to know. More than anything you had to know.

The waiter picked up a few glasses and plates and put them on his tray before turning to you

“I couldn’t see much, she was wearing a hoodie and sunglasses. You’d think she was a celebrity or something. Is she… your stalker?” 

Before he could get the wrong idea you quickly shook your head no at his accusation

“She’s… a friend?” you don’t know why it sounded so much like a question, both of you had agreed you were beyond strangers now but… what you felt towards Nat didn’t always feel like friendship. It felt like those moments when time stood still;

Like when you feel a cool breeze on the hottest day of the summer,

Or when you snuggle under warm blankets in the winter,

Or settling down somewhere with a cup of something warm and a good book.

She felt like all the little moments you loved about life combined into a person.

Your mother would probably call you naive for feeling so strongly about someone you’d never even met but she’d technically already approved of Nat anyway.

“Is there nothing you can remember about her?” you tried to keep up with the guy as he walked to pick up after another table

You felt a few expensive-looking people look your way but you didn’t pay them any mind.

The waiter huffed and stopped in his tracks, turning to you with the patience only a person who works in customer service could have.

“Look- a bit of her hair was sticking out from under her hoodie, it seemed- brownish? Maybe more of an auburn? I don’t really know I wasn’t paying attention. But if you really need to know so badly we have a tech guy coming up in a few weeks, I could have him send you the alley surveillance footage?” You could tell this guy was over you asking a million questions so you nodded your head enthusiastically. Glad to have at least that much. As you scribbled down your email you thought of your number neighbor with brownish-auburn hair. Somehow, you felt like you already knew her hair would be darker.

~

As you were rounding the corner onto your block your phone pinged with a notification and you were surprised to see Nat’s contact on your screen.

‘It’s about time’ you thought to yourself as you realized this was the first time Nat had texted you first, completely unprompted.

You swiped open the message with a satisfied smile on your face.

         Nat🔪:

Nat🔪:

Enjoy your dinner?

Y/n🍦:

It was okay.

The dessert was the best part.

Nat🔪:

Oh yeah?

Y/n🍦:

Definitely.

Putting your phone away, you unlocked the door to your apartment, entered the flat, and locked the door again before making a B-line for your fridge. You snatched an old grocery list off and replaced it with the napkin. It settled nicely under your baguette-shaped magnet.

You started at the note for a few minutes, unsure how to go about addressing what had transpired.

If you even should address it.

What if it made her run again? You wouldn’t be able to handle her silence like last time. You’d grown too attached. 

Shaking your head you decide to just go for it, rip the band-aid right off. If she disappeared again then it was her loss.

But if she was confident enough to text you first this time then maybe things would be different?

         Nat🔪:

Y/n🍦:

You were there

The reply took a few seconds and you tried your best to channel your inner monk for some patience

Nat🔪:

I stopped by

Y/n🍦:

You were there.

Again the three little typing bubbles taunted you and you wanted to pull them out of your phone and throw them in a blender but you knew it just meant she was second-guessing every answer she could give you. You’d gotten used to her texting habits.

Nat🔪:

…

I was.

Y/n🍦:

Did you… see me?

Nat🔪:

No.

You don’t know why you breathe out a sigh of relief. Part of you thinks it’s because you want your first meeting to be mutual. To see each other for the first time at the same time. So you can know what she thinks of you by just the look in her eyes.

At least if she had seen you and she was lying you could know that she thought you were pretty enough to continue texting.

Nat🔪:

I never even stepped foot in the restaurant

That much you knew from the waiter, but it still felt good that she was telling you. Like she was validating your unspecified want of seeing each other for the first time together. It always felt like she just knew things about you without you ever telling her. Maybe she was a long-distance mind reader. If that were the case she should really get hired by The Avengers.

The thought makes you huff out a light laugh and reminds you of when the two of you first started talking. It felt like so long ago now. You’d come a long way since then.

Y/n🍦:

Thank you.

It was delicious

It made my night honestly

Nat🔪:

Anytime, Y/n.

I’m glad.

You didn’t know what Nat was doing on her side of the city but you wondered if maybe she was grinning at her screen like a fool the same way you were.

You changed the topic of your conversation with Nat as you began getting ready for bed and not once did it occur to you that you hadn’t thought of your actual date the entire night.

Pt 15

A/n: Y/n learns a little about what Nat looks like!!

I meant it when I said slow burn guys but don't worry this story won't be too long!!~ Starry

---Taglist--

@marvelwomen-simp @cd-4848 @wandanatlov3r @rebeltombraider @ctrlamira @fxckmiup @aliherreraaa @natsxwife @la-douler-ne-finite-jamais @romanoffsgal @moistblobfish @natashaswife4125 @elenimoris @how-to-disappearrr @screechcat @toouncreativeforausername @ordelixx @autorasexy @blacklightsposts

[djarinova]

nail colours they like on you

characters - jean, levi, eren, connie, armin, erwin

a/n - I was thinking about what colours would make jean drop to his knees and then suddenly I was thinking about everyone else too....

jean - RED !!! He loves red nails on you so much, any dark shade of red will literally have him on his knees, he thinks it's so so hot. I have no idea why but I'm so obsessed with the idea of Jean asking you to get red nails the next time you get them done. And he does it weeks before your appointment too. He doesn't even wait for you to ask him what he thinks you should get, he tells you, completely unprompted, when the two of you are lying together on the couch, huddled up watching a movie. He has been completely checked out of the movie, too focused on trying to find the words to bring up your nail appointment and he just whispers in your ear out of the blue.

“babeeee, I know you're getting your nails done soon…I was just thinking that you'd look extra hot with red nails, maybe a maroon shade? or something similar to that? a dark shade, what do you think?”

levi - black. I'm sorry if you feel like this is a basic answer but I can't see levi caring too much about any particular colours, he will always compliment your nails no matter the colour, of course, but if you straight up ask him what he thinks you should get he will always say black. No matter if he's said in the past that a different colour looks amazing on you, or that a different colour suits you the best. He will say black. He thinks it's sexy, and it looks sleek and doesn't stand out too much and I think it's very him.

“tch—you know you don't need to spend your money on that shit. But if you insist on getting them done then at least let me pay—What colour do I think you should get? Black, obviously.”

eren - multi coloured. Eren loves when you get multiple different colours on your nails. His favourite is when you get a different colour on every finger, and he loves when your two hands match each other—the same coloured nails mirrored on each hand. He's never too bothered by the actual specific colours you choose, sometimes he'll suggest a particular colour palette or a specific colour and you'll get 5 different shades of one colour, but generally I think he just likes the variety.

“Yeah, baby? You're getting your nails done soon? Hmm… How about different shades of blue this time? Yk how much I love blue. You could start with a lighter shade on your pinky and then work towards a darker shade like midnight blue, or sapphire on your thumb?”

connie - yellow/gold. This one just makes sense to me and I have no idea why. I think that Connie latched onto this colour after you mentioned one night that you could match your nails to his eye colour, and he just hasn't let go ever since. It made him feel so cutesy and shy when you suggested that, and whenever he sees you in any shade of yellow/gold it makes him blush like crazy. Even though his eyes are more of a hazel colour, he's definitely been told his eyes are quite yellowy/gold before, and it used to make him feel embarrassed but ever since the first time you mentioned wanting to match your nails to his eyes he's been so happy and proud about the colour.

“baby you already know what I'm gonna sayyyy, just look right into my eyes and you'll see the perfect colour for your nails, trust me. And you know I think you look so sexy with your nails done, so if we matched I think I would just about die every time I looked at ya.”

armin - baby blue. It just screams Armin and I can't even explain why. He thinks it's the cutest thing ever, and he remembers when it was a trend online to ask your boyfriend what colour you should get your nails done and he remembers that the “correct” answer was baby blue. You asked him this when it was trending and he couldn't give you a straight answer, just saying that all colours looked pretty on you. He remembers when you teased him and explained that baby blue meant that you were taken/in a relationship and so that has always been his answer ever since. And it doesn't hurt that the colour looks so good on you as well…

“you're getting your nails done again soon, bubba? hmm… I think you'd look amazing with the baby blue nails—the ones you had on our anniversary this year, they were so cute!”

erwin - pink. Again, I have no explanation for this one, I just know it's true. He doesn't mind what shade of pink you choose, although his favourite is one of the brighter pinks—think Barbie or hot pink—he loves these types of shades during summer, or when you're getting your nails done for a party. But he'll never complain about any shade you choose, he just likes to point you towards pink as a general colour, he'll always let you choose the specific shade.

“How about pink, sweetheart? Would you like a more muted shade this time? I think that'd be lovely. A pastel, or maybe even a salmon shade, would look beautiful on you."

[dracoroma]

As a polytheist (hellenic, norse and hoping to add celtic in the future), I feel like I should adress why Bell's Hells as a storyline, and parts of the community, have been affecting me so much.

I applaud Matt in a recent 4SD saying that he's not trying to make a commentary on actual religion. I applaud Brennan in Downfall taking such a nuanced approach and showing how hard is to be good when you have thay much power (part of the thesis of that miniseries is basically Superman's "world of cardboard speach).

But a lot of that means little when Ludanis and the vanguard are constantly calling on real world antitheist (read: redit aetheist, but I' using a more serious term because I'm talking seriously) rhetoric. There's a lot of blame placed on the gods from the actions of their followers (Ajudicators, Hearthdell, that first vanguard member they read the mind of).

In fact, the argument that the gods control mortals seems to be based on "oh, God has a plan" which is a uniquely christian concept. And this idea most likely only arose in our world as a way to explain why an omniscient, omnipotent, omnibanevolent deity would allow bad things to happen (instead of saying we have free will and are allowed to choose, but I digress). But this doesn't apply in exandria. Half the primes are neural alignment, and the Matron is the only one concerned with fate.

And how are the gods actually preventing mortals from being free? Brennan discussed the destruction of Aeor as "what does it mean that mortals cannot even have the capability to challenge the gods", but that's a shallow reading in my opinion. Because someone, sometime in Aeor would fire the Maleus Factorum, all it takes is one person. These arguments feel hollow given that we have seen of Exandria, and doesn't even match up how people see the cosmology.

I recognize how much religious trauma sucks, and how that affects how you see religion. I understand for some people, faith in a religion is just something you don't need, or you find it doesn't align with how you see the world. But demonizing religion is not freedom.

Let's remember that when FCG started following the changebringer, Ashton kept trying to get them to stop. Let's remember the kid in Hearthdell who was pressured to cinvert back to worshiping the Eidolons. Let's remember how Ludanis and Ashton scoff at how anyone who finds meaning in a relationship with the gods. They don't care if they're taking something important away from people, if they're taking something important away from people.

I've been getting recommended more and more antitheist videos over this last year. People who are, unprompted, trying to debunk Religion as a concept. They deconstruct any meaning it could have for people. They mock it at it's basic components, calling gods "imaginary friends", and people's relationships with them "imaginationships". They talk about how it's irrational.

How is this preaching any different from the evangelists we're all tired of? How is denying and mocking and "debunking" something people find meaning in okay? And, overall, how is it okay to bother people who are quiet and personal about their religion with this? How is me giving faith and tribute to Athena and Odin and the muses a threat to you that needs to be eliminated?

If you are someone who agrees with Ludanis and Ashton solely within the realms of the campaign, and outside of it, you're completely cool with religions, I'm sorry for dragging you into this. But I feel like I need to say this because every time Ludanis opens his mouth, it's the same bullshit I have to deal with in real life. And I'm so tired of it.

Storylines that handle killing gods usually do it better because the god of the story is a metaphor. They're not intentionally or unintentionally commenting on religion. The problem with Bell's Hells is that all of the anti-god arguments feel so much like the tired things that people are saying in real life, that gods and religion are bad.

[blazehedgehog]

Even if there's genuine love behind this Shadow renaissance, what difference does it make? Creators and fans love all sorts of things that I think suck, but their love doesn't negate my initial negative impression. I understand how enthusiasm can make good things better, but if you're starting out with something that's bad and unenjoyable to begin with it doesn't really move the needle. I agree that Shadow is redundant and tonally wrong for the series, so why celebrate an attempt to salvage him?

Because they don't salvage anything in this franchise. Ever. Good ideas, bad ideas, it doesn't matter. There's no growth, no learning, no improving.

When something works, they copy it forward whole sale.

The final boss of Sonic Colors. The final boss of Sonic Lost World. The final boss of Sonic Forces. You could probably lump the first boss of Sonic & The Secret Rings in here, too, as the prototype for this concept.

A routine repeated until people get sick of it. When it doesn't work, they pave over it with something completely different. Which they sometimes do anyway, completely unprompted. Remember what happened with Sonic Generations? Literally one of the most celebrated 3D Sonic games ever made. What was their next step? Throw it out and give us Sonic Lost World, a game which started over from scratch conceptually and barely had anything to do with any Sonic game to come before it.

When that didn't work, they gave us Sonic Forces, the most aggressively bland, unadventurous, circumspect Sonic game ever made. Something that was only made to please the concept of a focus group.

And then that was paved over with Sonic Frontiers.

For the first ten years of 3D Sonic games, it was always really easy to see that most of them had a spark of something special. They might have been buggy or unfinished or whatever, but there was a core idea that was both highly creative and very interesting. Which is why it was so frustrating when they'd throw the baby out with the bathwater every one or two games.

Shadow Generations represents something they never do: reexamine a past failure, pick out what worked, and improve what didn't. That's growth, and this series very rarely shows growth.

Like that's part of what seemed so initially exciting about Sonic 06 all those years ago, right? They were pitching it as a soft reboot. A do-over. A chance to take the concepts of Sonic Adventure 1, and not only do them with new technology, but do them right.

Because to reiterate for my younger readers once again: Sonic's reputation was already in the pits before Sonic 06 came out. Sonic 06 was going to fix that. And, well, it was a nuclear disaster.

But the idea was sound. It's just the execution that was the problem.

Of course I am going to celebrate growth if it's so rare.

When I put "Nothing matters, Embrace Nihilism" in my Sonic Frontiers video, that was a joke.

[aversiteespabilas]

Do you know how I can get out of an artistic block? I've been like this for two months

Oh boy, I've been there too, I get you. I don't have a definitive solution for this, but I think the nature of art block can be very different for different people at different times, so a good first step would be to try and do some introspection on what exactly you're feeling whenever you think of doing art. However, here are some things that tend to work for me:

Take this time of inactivity to really look at and enjoy other people's art. Sometimes your artistic journey will just include breaks, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you aren't learning, though. If you really enjoy someone else's work, take this time to study it, make sense of it, try to discover what exactly you enjoy so much about it and why. Maybe think of ways you could emulate that yourself. I often find that the coolest looking art starts with the simplest shapes. Try to imagine which tiny little steps the artist could have taken to achieve that look. This gets my art cogs turning every time.

When I'm feeling frustrated about my own ability, feeling like I'm not good enough, sometimes I'll just make a point of drawing something that's complete garbage. Like the ugliest scribbles ever. Go "I'm gonna draw something SO HIDEOUS". I do that until I start to just have fun with the act of scribbling itself, not the result. If you feel comfortable and happy holding your pen, you're on the right track. You don't need to do anything else. You don't need to show it to anyone, you don't need to post it, you don't even need to keep it. It's just your time of Hold Pen, and you've been doing art. Congratulations!

Sometimes I get this feeling that there's a particular piece I'm scared of doing, normally because I feel it's too difficult or I don't have the "required skill level" to do it, even though the ideas are overflowing and my mind's eye is working full speed and my fingers are itching to create; the worst part of it is when this fear gets me to freeze up, like I just can't do anything. Well, I've recently found the secret for this one, and it's not pretty. You just gotta do it. Seriously, if you think it's fear or insecurity holding yourself back, then you just really need to grab yourself by the collar, slam yourself on the desk and get yourself working. It's gonna feel awful at first, it's gonna feel like a task, maybe even boring, and like what you're doing is pointless, but by then you'll be doing it. That's the truth of self care, most of the time it involves doing things you reeeeaaally don't feel like doing. If the alternative to doing art is just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, then remember: the time will pass anyways, might as well just do it.

This one may not always work, but if it's a broad motivation/excitement issue, I often find that making art gifts for my friends/loved ones helps a lot. First, it's a gift, it's free and unprompted, so there's no real pressure for it to be a masterpiece or anything. Second, you're setting a clear objective for yourself that you can get excited about, and third, you're sure to get a validation boost from it! In my experience, collaborating with a friend on a larger art project has kept my motivation cycle going strong. Run from the lonely artist archetype, it's your biggest enemy. Art likes friends!

Otherwise, there are various ways you could try and hype yourself up. I am a very calculating person so I get really motivated when things are planned and organized in lists. Since I started noting down my ideas in a To Draw list, I always have something to do, I'm never out of exciting ideas and art block very rarely rears its ugly head. For some people it may be the opposite tho! I know for a fact many people find lists and schedules to be draining for their creativity, so find out what would make you most excited! Maybe trying new brushes or materials is your jam! Maybe your current hyperfixation or fandom can offer motivation. You need your art process to work for you, not against you, but in order to do that, you need to understand what exactly is it that makes your brain most excited. It's self-discovery baybee!

I hope some of these work for you! At the very least, it can't hurt to try. Good luck, soldier!

[skitskatdacat63]

So in the boy king au, we know nando falling in love is a... process. but how long and why does seb fall in love with nando?

Aaaaaagh great question!!!!

Seb is pretty infatuated with Nando from the start, well at least the idea of him. His council does *not* want this marriage to work out(they'd rather get into a war and completely rule Spain, then having to barter for it through marriage like this.) Seb knows this, and he's a little brat who always gets anything he wants, right? So of course when he hears of this, he's now like, *I must have him,* and gets obsessed and fascinated with the idea of Fernando. And he also already remembers Fernando as this older boy he had a silly childish crush on when he was a kid, so that adds to his desire.

I think he definitely also takes to fall genuinely in love with him. That's why there's all that stuff about Fernando just being his "kept wife." Because I think they both have trouble viewing each other as real people, rather than just larger-than-life figures/caricatures. Seb originally just views Fernando as something to be won, something to gain, like obtaining a fancy horse or property, or new title(wink.) And Fernando can't help but just see Seb as a kid playing dress up and pretending to be a ruler, undeserving of everything he has.

I think the way they fall in love is gradually just understanding the humanity of the other. They realize they can both learn valuable things from the other. And that they're more similar than they think, and that they have a lot more in common then they ever would be comfortable admitting. It's hard to put an amount of time duration on it thought, its a gradual thing, y'know? I think though probably they have some outside opposition at some point, and end up defending each other unprompted. Ex:

Someone says Fernando shouldn't be the King of Spain. Seb gets *super* offended and lists a bunch of reasons about why Fernando is fit to be King. It's funny because he wouldn't admit this to Fernando even under duress, but then he willingly defends Fernando in front of the entire court, even though it undermines his own position(bcs he's basically admitting that he has no right to that throne and Fernando always was the rightful ruler.)

Someone accuses Seb of being an immature ruler and not being suited for the position of Emperor. Fernando gets sooooo pissed and is all like "you think my husband isn't suited?? You think I would agree to marry a man who isn't suited to be emperor?? You think I'd willingly demean myself in that way!?" Even though he constantly calls Seb immature and unsuitable to his face. But absolutely God forbid someone else imply that. It's so offense to him because he eventually considers Seb to be an extension of himself, so it's like he's being insulted as well.

[officialpenisenvy]

gio this is the guy who had the sex dream and bled again. Not many material changes but funny things that happened: I’ve restricted myself to only jerking off about it in the shower so I feel a little less weird. Takes about five minutes every time and that’s being generous and that’s Not my normal time for that type of thing so that tells you something. Honestly sometimes I prefer to fantasise about my incest trauma cause it makes me feel less guilty than jerking off over this guy.

Also: I think God is making fun of me. I was drunk as fuck sitting next to the guy and he tells me, fully tells me, that he fingers his ass. I think I must have been silent for 35 minutes after that, like looking into the distance. I didn’t even know he liked it up his ass. I mean I HOPED! But I didn’t know. And he said it completely innocently as well, he has absolutely no idea that it made me want to jump out of my window. He’s bad with eye contact and sometimes his eyes go to my legs or my chest and I like believing he is checking me out, but it isn’t likely, I have no idea. I hope he can’t tell what I’m thinking about when I look at him cause I’m humiliated. I don’t even think I like him, there’s just this weird sexual attraction I have for the guy.

SEX DREAM BLEEDING GUY i remember you like it was yesterday omg. love that you've had to impose jerkoff restrictions on yourself over this fuckass guy it's so funny. but also why would he say that unprompted to someone he doesn't even like...... i would've said some shit like do you want me to help you with that or what

[deathfavor]

@kisumshi said: ❛ what, am i not allowed to look at you? ❜ dorahan ofc

soft & sweet sentence starters

Hanma hadn't been able to stop the defensive sounding what? from leaving his lips when he saw Draken staring at him. Not that Hanma cared about being stared at. He didn't, and certainly not by Draken. But people didn't look at Hanma like that. It's hard for Hanma to name exactly what that look was despite the fact he knows that he knows the word for it. He knows how Draken looks at him for some things, and the hair down like he wears now usually provokes a few, but it's not any of the regular looks he's used to getting. It's disarming and he doesn't quite know what to do about it.

" No- I mean yes. Wait." It's not often that reaper stumbles over his words even when drunk let alone when he's completely sober. " Shut up. " He gets out defensively before Draken can laugh at him. " You are allowed. " He grumbles, finally getting his point out clearly with that remark.

Like he cares. The realization of what that look was like comes to Hanma when he turns his gaze away to avoided Draken's stare. He's happy to look at the frost covered trees or warm glow of the street lights - basically anything else while the realization settles like led. Draken had looked at him like he cared and that had rattled Hanma. People don't care about him. He's either useful, an enemy, or a fun time. It isn't about caring beyond a useful pawn. The closest to a caring look he might get are the times he offers painkillers for a hangover or shit like that.

He doesn't get caring looks unprompted. Certainly not while Hanma was just walking beside Draken after a night out and had done nothing in particular to earn that look that Draken was content or cared. Gold eyes flick to Draken from the corner of his eye and then away. It's....not the first time he supposes. He still remembers Draken had tried to offer him a hug to comfort and how he'd recoiled like someone was trying to muzzle him. Draken's softness is almost as visible as the man himself when he's not in a brawl. Hanma's only comes out behind closed doors and often in the dark or early morning hours where reality and sleep blended together and became hard to distinguish. Otherwise it came in smaller gestures that Hanma had no idea if they were understood or not - cooking despite his dislike, actually bothering to answer texts, lowering his guard somewhere that wasn't his own space.

It really isn't something Hanma has ever put much thought towards before. Now he does and he isn't quite sure what to do with it. What the hell does Draken even think about this? Whatever they're doing? Hanma? He's never asked. He doesn't plan to either. But there's an oddly unpleasant sensation at the thought that - well, he's not quite sure himself what the thought is or why it's there. That he's hot and cold towards Draken? Something like that, when it's not really true. Life has already severed one of the few bonds Hanma did have.

Hanma's feet slow, and he watches Draken stride ahead a few steps before realizing something is wrong and come closer. It makes one step easier for Hanma. His hands lift to catch Draken's face before he bends down a fraction to press a kiss to his lips. It's not the first time - he's kissed him at isolated spots, or in the heat of the club. But there's no teeth that show his hunger or violence. No force that demands an equal response, no seeking or provoking or urging. Just warmth where their lips meet, soft in the way Hanma usually gives before sleep settles in. This time though its in the full hours of the evening while people brush past, paying little mind to the two of them figures on the side of the sidewalk. It's slower and unhurried, seeking nothing. He pulls back after a few moments with a small grin, hands still remaining on his cheeks.

" What, am i not allowed to kiss you now? " Hanma asks playfully, mimicking Draken's question despite the fact his voice has dropped in tone to something closer to his actual voice. His hands fall away from Draken and he offers up no explanation. ( He's not sure he'd have one even if asked. ) " So, are we wandering or did you have a destination in mind? " Hanma asks, as if he hadn't done anything out of character just now.

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

I Remember (M)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Fluff, eventual smut, a sprinkle of angst

Word count: 16k (this is probably going to end up being novel length lol)

Warnings: Memory loss, mentions of death and grief, reader is depressed in the beginning :(

(A/N): Been working on this since 2020 and now I’ve written enough that I can start posting parts! This is part 1 and I think it’ll have 3 or 4 parts depending on how long they are so please leave feedback and your ideas might be featured in coming parts!

“Remember how it was with you? Remember how you pulled me through? 

I remember.” -Deadmau5

TAG: @13-manggaetteok (please let me know if anyone else would like to be added to the tag list)

Part 2

Sighing, you take another sip from your wine glass. Your date continues to speak as you sit in the dimly lit restaurant, your plates as empty as your mind as you listen to him with faux interest. He isn’t droning on about some self-absorbed, unprompted story like so many other guys you have dated, you actually asked him to tell you this one, and you are sure it would be completely riveting if you could focus on any of the words he’s saying. This is your fifth date with him and he checks all of your boxes: he’s handsome, funny, highly intelligent (including emotional intelligence), and he’s a good listener. On top of that, he seems to be really attracted to you— something he told you after the first date, but you ignored him because you were still virtual strangers at that point. But he’s stayed consistent these past few weeks and he is one of the best guys you’ve ever met. Which is why you hate your heart for not liking him the way you should.

You’re staring at his hands as they move around during his story, forcing out a chuckle here and there whenever he laughs, and it’s amazing to you how he hasn’t realized by now how one-sided this interaction has become. Your focus only snaps back when he says your name at some point, and it is then that you look him in the face for the first time in several minutes. Though, he still hasn’t noticed. You can’t help the sting in your heart when you think of the person who always noticed everything about you, sometimes even before you realized them yourself. His face creeps to the forefront of your mind and you immediately shove it away, blinking quickly and re-centering yourself in your seat. 

“Are you okay?” Your date asks finally, concern stitched into his eyebrows when you meet his eyes. 

You offer him a tired smile and answer blandly. “Today’s just been a bad day.” When he asks you to elaborate, there’s nothing much you can really say. Everyday has been a bad day for the past few years. You don’t remember what it feels like to have a good day. So you simply shrug, not even attempting to come up with an excuse. Thankfully, he doesn’t question you further, suggesting that you call it a night and driving you home after picking up the bill. 

You’re glad he doesn’t pressure you for more than the dry hug and kiss on the cheek you give him once he drops you off at your door. You told him you wanted to take things slow when he first took interest in you, and so far he’s been true to his word. He really is a great guy. 

Tonight was going to be like any other night, you could feel it. Your shoes kicked off at the door, dress thrown into the hamper on your way into the shower, your sheets still a mess on your bed from this morning when you slowly climb back into them. What the hell were you even doing? Staring up at your ceiling, you feel your face droop. It’s been so long, you should really try to move on. Well, you were trying, but you needed to try harder. Everything shouldn’t be moving this slowly, the world should not have stopped for one man; but your world has stopped spinning it feels, and no matter how hard you try to push ahead you just can’t get it back on its axis. 

Sleep doesn’t find you tonight. You know from experience that your vibrator is a kind friend that helps you sleep on lonely nights, but you’re lonely by choice and you feel that you don’t deserve to find pleasure tonight. Your date would have been more than happy to help you, but you chose to end your night in solitude, so you decide that you should suffer. The darkness drags on as you watch your walls, but even worse than the darkness is the ever brightening pale light that starts to color your room all too soon.

——

Blazing white shines through your window and angles right into your already open eyes, your alarm clock serving no purpose whatsoever except to spike your heart rate and start your morning off with a headache. One cup of coffee, two sugars and lots of creamer is adequate enough to serve as your breakfast. And maybe an apple. You brush the flavors out of your mouth, wash the sleep from your face, and head to your closet to pick out your plain work attire, slipping on whatever was most comfortable to avoid any unnecessary irritation later in the day. 

When it comes time for accessories, you fumble with the hook on your thin necklace, find the first pair of matching earrings and put them on, and slip on a sleek watch. Your eyes roll over your organized jewelry box until they land on the velvet box that sits neatly in its corner, untouched and getting dusty. You reach out your hand to grab it, but it stops on its own, your fingers twitching slightly before they ball into a fist and your arm retracts. Finishing your look with a simple coat of lipstick, you don’t bother with any other makeup and hurry out of the door even though you are 15 minutes ahead of schedule.

Work is uneventful as always, but the promise of your plans later in the day keep you going. Your friends had scheduled an evening at the spa together to unwind and catch up with each other. You much prefer this to the original plan of shopping in the strip mall at all of the stores you have been to a million times already. A spa day would be great for you physically, and catching up with your girls would do wonders for your mental health, you’ve felt awfully lonesome in the past few weeks and you needed people to talk to other than your narcissistic coworkers. 

You think this as you drive through a town center straight after work, humming to your favorite songs and enjoying the weather with the windows down. Today the weather is perfect, sparse clouds and sunny skies make for warm temperatures and a nice breeze that comforts your soul. It’s a somewhat busy day, people walking in and out of stores and restaurants or sitting on benches, just enjoying life. You don’t often people watch, but out of curiosity you look into the crowd as you drive past, screeching to a sudden halt as your foot slams on the brakes. The horrendous noise draws the attention of several people, and the person behind you honks and curses as he swerves around your vehicle, yet you don’t hear any of it. You freeze at the familiar face you see standing on the sidewalk, your heart all but stopping in hope, fear, and worry. 

Maybe you were hallucinating. 

Maybe this was all some kind of messed up daydream you’re having because you didn’t get enough sleep last night and you fell asleep with your eyes open at the wheel. 

Yeah, that has to be it. However, you still speed to reach the entrance of the parking lot and hop out of your car without even locking the doors. The jog over to that place is short and you pray that he’s still there when you get there. If he was even real in the first place. Those thoughts don’t last long, though, because once you turn the corner you spot him; that face that has been burned into your every thought— your every breath— for three whole years now. He looks confused, craning his neck backwards to see the names plastered on each store front, and you could almost think he’s lost.

Before you could stop yourself, your lips are moving, your voice coming out as a choked out gasp once your brain allows you to accept the reality. “Jimin!” That’s him. That is unmistakably him. 

He turns to you and you lock eyes, jump starting your feet into action as you stride over to him. His eyes widen at your approach in what you assume to be recognition, and your eyes well up with tears. Once you are in front of him, you look at him up close, the crease in your forehead growing with the flood of emotions rushing through you. He continues to stare at you wide eyed, almost afraid, and you want to laugh and cry at the same time because you just can’t believe this is real. 

“Jimin?” Reverently, you lift your hand to touch his cheek, the skin there immediately flushing with color, and once you confirm that this is not a visual hallucination, you crumble. Something in the back of your mind tells you not to hug him, but you loop your arms around him regardless and let the tears flow, his scent overtaking you. He can feel you shaking as he returns the hug, and you don’t notice how loose and hesitant his arms feel until you pull away to look at him again. His face does not mirror yours, however, and you frown. 

“I-“ He swallows, a guilt written on his face that you cannot yet decipher. “I’m sorry, but who are you? Am I supposed to know you?” 

The words come out slowly, but they shatter you all the same. At first, you’re baffled, wiping your eyes to get another clear view of him as you look him up and down meticulously. Aside from his usually dark hair, which is now dyed a dirty blonde, everything about him is exactly the same as you remember. It is impossible for you to have messed this one up. Maybe you were going crazy. The thought of him being a doppelgänger crosses your mind, but you dismiss that idea immediately because there is no way someone could coincidentally mimic Jimin this perfectly, even down to the moles on his neck. 

“What- what do you mean?” You whisper, and for the first time, his face shares the same emotion as yours: mortification. You, because you’re now convinced that you have the wrong person despite every one of your senses telling you that he is exactly who you think he is. Him, because he’s drawing a blank on everything about you and it is clear to him that he 100% does not know who you are, even though it is apparent that he should know you and that you were most likely very close at one point. It’s silent for only a second.

“I don’t... know you.” This time he sounds unsure, cringing at himself as he hears just how bad that sounds. It’s almost as if he can see your heart breaking in your chest. “I, um, you’ll have to excuse me, I got into an accident and have severe amnesia. If it makes you feel any better, you probably aren’t the only person I forgot.” The smile he offers you is apologetic and you don’t have the strength to be angry. You’re just confused. 

“No, it’s- it’s okay.” You stutter, shutting your eyes to try to process his words. He’s forgotten about you. You wonder what else he’s forgotten about. 

“I just got here and I’m supposed to meet with my family, but I can’t find the building. Everything looks different from what I remember. Will you help me?” Jimin continues on as if your entire awkward exchange didn’t happen, as if he’s a tourist visiting a new city for the first time and is asking for directions. As if he hasn’t lived here his whole life. He shows you the name of the meeting place on his phone and you feel knives sink into your heart. It’s his favorite place in your town, a bar and grille with a lovely view of the outside scenery, and you haven’t been there in a few years but you can still picture it vividly. He took you there for your first date and it quickly became Your Spot. You spent every night there for more than a week when Jimin first disappeared, sitting and drinking, dazed and crying, spending hours there until it closed and they were forced to kick you out.

“Yeah,” You hear yourself say. “I’ll walk you there, it’s not far.” The two of you stand there for a second more, just looking at each other, until you realize that you are the one who is supposed to lead. He follows in silence, looking around at the buildings with curiosity and pouting his lips, which you guess is because he doesn’t recall any of this. But you remember. You remember how you would spend hours kissing those same lips and how beautiful they look whenever they’re stretched into a smile. 

Stopping at the restaurant, you turn toward him again, nerves slicking your fingertips at the thought of him leaving you again. For a second you contemplate going in with him, seeing his family again and experiencing the reunion to the fullest because they, too, considered you as family. But you decide against it, giving him directions to his favorite table in case he gets lost inside. You expect him to thank you and walk away, but he just stands there blushing at you.

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, biting his lip and pushing his hair back like he always used to do when he was frustrated. It’s nice to see that he still has the same habits. “I know this is probably really hard for you. I haven’t met with anyone else here, so I’m not sure how to respond to people from my past yet, but I appreciate this.” 

“It’s no problem, really.” You can’t meet his eyes anymore, dropping them down to the pavement below you. You don’t know what else to say to him.

“We should meet up sometime to talk. I’m sure you have a lot of questions and-“ He’s back to biting his lip, the color on his cheeks darkening. “And I would really like to get to know you again, if you’ll let me.” This brings your gaze back to his face to see how red he’s gotten, one of his hands coming up to scratch at the back of his neck. You never thought you’d see Jimin get shy in front of you again, but here he is, just as modest as the first time you met. Well, for him this is the first time. It’s cute.

“Yeah, that would be really nice.” You smile. His eyes widen just slightly when your face brightens, and he hides his reaction by clumsily handing you his phone to enter your name and number. He forgot to unlock it for you and realizes this after it’s already out of his hands, but you enter his passcode without missing a beat, surprised when you find that it is the same as it was 3 years ago. It’s a new phone and none of his contacts are there, but he is still the same person he was before, which is a relief. “My name is (Y/n), by the way.” You say as you hand him back his device.

He reads your name on the screen then repeats it out loud, the sound of your name coming from his mouth doing something to your heart and body that you never thought you’d feel again. He can most likely see the shiver that runs through you, but he ignores it, sticking out his hand for you to shake instead.

“It was nice to meet you... again, (Yn).” You laugh lightheartedly and take his hand, the contact far too brief for your liking, but you don’t want to encroach upon his personal boundaries because he doesn’t know you anymore. Watching him walk in, you stand at the door and observe the explosion of emotions that cross his family’s face when they spot him, all of them jumping up to give him a giant group hug, which he accepts easily. It appears that he remembers all of them and you’re suddenly very glad that you didn’t intrude, letting them have their moments with him. 

Once you’re back in your car, you pause to think about what just happened. Was that real? Jimin is back home, alive, but he has amnesia and doesn’t remember you at all. Amnesia. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think this was all some sort of cringy cliche written at 3am by some sleep deprived lunatic. But that’s a rollercoaster of emotions that you do not have the energy to work through at the moment, so you focus on being clearheaded enough to drive back to your home, playing the music a little louder than normal to drown out the swarming thoughts.

——

Steam rises from the heated rocks as you pour more water onto them. The room is hot and foggy, humid in a way that labors your lungs and frees your pores. You sit alongside your friends Mina and Joy in the sauna after your massages, your body successfully relaxed, but your mind is anything but. It’s been a few hours since your encounter at the town center, and the soothing atmosphere of this spa has given you enough time to let everything sink in. So as your friends talk amongst themselves cheerfully, you sit in silence and try to figure out exactly how you should be feeling right now.

“And what’s with (Y/n)?” Joy pouts, catching your attention as she looks over her nose at you. 

“Yeah, you’ve been quiet this entire time, what’s on your mind?” Mina prompts, spreading her legs as she slumps against the wooden walls, her towel thankfully long enough to cover her. She’s always so brazen, never afraid to say what she thinks or drop her etiquette as soon as she gets comfortable. You didn’t know you needed a friend like that until you met her, and you’ve been pretty much attached at the hip ever since. She is also very perceptive when it comes to you, where others tend to find you hard to read.

You take a deep breath and shift your eyes back and forth between their faces, unsure if they would think you were crazy or not for what you were about to say. Pondering how you would phrase this, you take a moment to sort your thoughts before throwing caution to the wind and letting them into your head.

“I saw Jimin today...” Silence. “This is not a ‘I’m having a psychotic break and now I see ghosts’ thing— I actually saw him and spoke to him today. And I touched him and he seemed pretty damn real.” More silence.

Mina looks pale and is in absolute shock, her mouth parted open and her eyes wide as saucers. You fully expected this reaction. Both of them had been there for you when you fell into a depression 3 years ago after Jimin disappeared. They saw all of the stages of your grief, helped to take care of you when you stopped taking care of yourself, and they contributed to most of your recovery in the aftermath. So to hear such startling news from you is probably something they would have never expected, especially since you said it so casually. Mina is rightfully speechless. Joy, on the other hand, looks as though she had just been reminded of something and taps her fingers on her seat excitedly as if she were trying to remember more details in order to recite it to you.

“Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell you!” She gasps, nearly jumping from her seat. “I heard a rumor from Taehyung late last night that Jimin was alive and well and had contacted his family. I guess he came back to visit them.” 

“He came to visit? So he’s been alive this whole time and hasn’t reached out to anyone, but all of a sudden he wants to come to visit?” After fully accepting the situation, Mina appears to be angry, a stance you would have also taken if it had not been for your recent encounter. But you can only feel irritation as something else becomes apparent.

“Wait, Taehyung told you this last night and he didn’t think to tell me?” Kim Taehyung, Park Jimin’s best friend, who promised to keep in touch after his friend disappeared, then stopped returning your calls and messages about 6 months ago. But despite that, he should have at least thought to tell you such important information as soon as he found it out— and what’s more is that you still haven’t heard from him and it’s been almost 24 hours since Joy got the message. You understand if Jimin’s family didn’t think to tell you immediately, there must’ve been a million other things on their minds, but if Taehyung had the time to tell Joy, he certainly could have sent a message to you too.

“Actually, he announced it in a small group text he sent last night, but knowing you, you probably ignored it.” Joy explains, nervous for your reaction. It’s true, you don’t often look at messages and you’ve basically logged off from other forms of social media, so it’s pretty difficult to get in contact with you unless it’s a direct message. You’ve muted all of your chats, so it’s likely that you refused to look at the messages altogether. 

“Yeah…” It’s silent for a few seconds as they watch you, but when it seems that you won’t say much else, Mina continues.

“So, what happened when you saw Jimin today? What did he say?”

“He didn’t know who I was, said he had amnesia from an accident. He asked me-“ You let out a half chuckle, thinking about how ridiculous and unfortunate the circumstances were. “He asked me how to get to Full Moon.”

“Full Moon? His favorite place in probably the entire world?” Joy gapes in disbelief.

“If he doesn’t know how to get there, then his amnesia must be really serious. It’s no wonder he didn’t know who you were.” Shaking her head, Mina makes a sound of sympathy that does nothing to console you. “How did you feel about it?”

“How else am I supposed to feel about it? I was hurt that he couldn’t even recognize my face. He looked me right in the eye and I could tell that there was nothing, not an ounce of familiarity when he saw me.” Your voice cracks, emotion choking up in your throat.

“But?”

“But I was so, so relieved. Like, I don’t know, a weight had been lifted from my chest or something. I can’t even begin to describe how it felt to see him— to know that he was okay— when I had resigned myself to the thought that I would never see him again.” Tears leak onto your cheeks as you finally allow yourself to feel the emotions you had been holding in since that moment, the boldest and deepest layer of yourself finally surfacing. You don’t know if they can see your tears through the rest of the moisture that drips down your face due to the heat, but they each lean forward and offer a comforting pat on the knee anyway.

“So, are you going to see him again? I’m sure you didn’t just let him walk away without arranging something.” Joy asks hopefully.

“I gave him my number and he said he wanted to meet up. I think… I think he likes me.” You giggle incredulously while wiping your face, earning a scoff from Mina.

“He better like you. True feelings don’t just disappear when you lose your memory, if he really loved you before then he’ll be back in your arms in no time.”

“She’s right.” Joy smiles. “The heart wants what the heart wants. And it doesn’t forget.” These words make your own heart race, recalling that suffocating feeling you ignored when you first saw him, the one that came with the overwhelming recognition of his ethereal beauty that your memory could not entirely replicate in his absence. It’s as if no time had passed at all for your heart, and all of those feelings came flooding back in almost instantly. All you can do is conceal a smile from them, bashfully shifting your eyes to the floor. “Which brings me to my next question; are you going to tell him about your relationship?”

This is something you’ve also been thinking about for the past couple of hours, yet you’re still in a stalemate with yourself. “I’m not sure yet.” 

“Well, to me it’s obvious: of course you have to tell him. He has to know who you are to him— or who you were to him before this— if you’re going to make any progress at all. He’ll probably ask you about it anyway.” Mina presents this easily as if there was no real issue here. Objectively, it seems like telling him would be the next and only step forward if you were to rebuild anything with him or jog his memory. But you see several problems with this, which you try to explain.

“But telling him won’t be as easy as that. Jimin doesn’t remember anything about me, today was technically the first time we met, at least to him. He might feel uncomfortable or pressured when he hears that we were a couple since I’m literally a stranger now. Plus, I have all my memories of him, so it may be awkward for him to get to know me again when he realizes just how close we were. No, knowing him, he’ll probably be extremely embarrassed because I know everything about him and now it’s a one sided relationship because he knows nothing about me. He gets upset with himself when he sees an old friend after a long time and can’t remember their name after they called his, imagine how he’ll be when he learns about me.”

“Okay, so what’s your game plan? You have to meet with him eventually, you can’t keep it a secret forever.” Frowning, Mina tries not to say anything too crude because your voice is turning whiny and tears line your eyes again.

“That is, assuming no one tells him before then.” Joy adds.

“I,” It’s a tough situation that you think hard about, the steam clearing enough that you can clearly see how closely they inspect you, awaiting your answer. “I guess I’ll have to limit the information I give him. I’ll tell him we were dating, but I won’t tell him how long I’ve known him or many more details unless he asks.” That sounds somewhat doable. Though, you were never good at hiding things from him.

“You know he will.” Mina comments, knowing just how curious Jimin could be.

“Then, I’ll have the censor and deflect. It’s too soon for him to know.”

——

Hazy white shines through your window and bounces off the edges of your room, your alarm clock waking you with a start from your confusing dream, heart racing from the suddenness. One cup of coffee, two sugars and lots of cream sits on your counter as you munch on a lightly toasted waffle and a banana. You brush the flavors out of your mouth, rinse the sleep from your face, and head to your closet to pick out a sundress, slipping it on and checking yourself out in the mirror to make sure it wasn’t too dressy. 

Eye makeup and lipstick complete, you move on to accessories. You reach for a pair of nice stud earrings, clasp a dangling necklace around your neck, and slip on a matching bracelet. Your eyes scan your organized jewelry box until they land on that familiar velvet box, its appearance seeming slightly more prominent among the other shimmering jewelry. It’s like Pandora’s box, calling for you to open it, but you know that if you do you’ll be flooded with memories and thoughts powerful enough to topple over your already unstable world. You walk away before you are tempted any further. 

Joy was right, you have several messages from the group chat Taehyung created, and upon opening the messages, you see that he had indeed notified you of Jimin’s return. Aside from Joy, the other person in the group was Jungkook, who had been friends with Jimin since they were children and therefore has known him the longest. Most of the messages are from him, asking questions of his whereabouts and badgering Taehyung about the source of this information. Jungkook seemed pretty skeptical about the whole thing, rightfully so, and he was almost in denial— according to his frantic questioning. It’s true that Taehyung was Jimin’s current best friend, but Jungkook was his best friend first. And even after Jimin became impossibly close with Taehyung in his high school years, Jimin still remained shy Jungkook’s best and most reliable friend. In fact, they were practically like brothers. So his disappearance had affected the young man greatly. You’d reached out to Jungkook a few times and he was kinder to you than Taehyung had been, but you soon found that your presence did little to help either of you, so you both agreed that it would be okay to stop contacting each other. You do still check in with him occasionally, but it’s been pretty awkward as of late.

Recent messages in the chat reveal that both he and Taehyung met with Jimin this morning. Taehyung complains that Jimin hardly remembers anything, warning you to be prepared if you were going to meet with him, even though he probably isn’t sure you’ll look at the messages at all. Joy answers by informing him that you had run into Jimin 4 days ago, so you already know about his amnesia, but both of the men warn you anyway. You consider responding, but decide against it. 

Instead, you open the unread messages from your love interest, Jaebeom, asking you to a sixth date sometime next week. He originally asked if you could meet today, but you told him that you already had plans, so he generously allowed you to pick a day anytime next week. When you saw him just 5 days ago, you told him that you’d love for him to take you out again soon, especially since you felt bad for ending your date early, but now you’re beginning to regret saying that. Of course, he hadn’t done anything wrong, but seeing Jimin changed things for you and you aren’t sure you could be with another man after finding out that your past lover had returned. You and Jimin never broke up, so was this technically cheating? Even though he doesn’t remember you? These are tough thoughts to grapple and you find yourself stuck between moving on and trying to rekindle a past flame, despite the risk that his flame no longer exists for you. 

You ignore the messages for now, convinced that you’ll be able to come to a decision about your response to him after you see Jimin again. Hoping that speaking to him will sway you in a clear direction. You’ve been texting him all week, but your conversations haven’t been very deep so far. He still has no idea who you are to him, but at least now he knows your general information. You’ll save the rest for when you see him in person.

The restaurant is fairly empty this time of day, allowing you to spot Jimin as soon as you walk through the doors. He sits casually at your usual booth in his usual spot, facing the front doors and staring out of the window at the outside scenery. Just seeing him there brings you back to your first date, like you’ve just hopped in a time machine and are now reliving that unforgettable day. But despite the nostalgia you feel, you remind yourself that this is vastly different from your first date, and a new wave of nerves hits you. Your steps are slow as they walk through the restaurant, dragging out the seconds as your mind races. He hasn’t spotted you yet, it isn’t too late to turn around and walk back out to regroup. 

Will you be able to withhold information from him like you planned? Does keeping that information from him— information about himself that he is entitled to know— make you a bad person? Will you even be able to hold your tongue once you start talking to him? You aren’t sure you’ll be able to tell your lies of omission straight to his face once he asks in his soft voice and looks at you with those beautiful, sincere eyes- 

Oh shit, he’s looking at you!

You didn’t even realize you were this close to the table already, and in three more steps, you find yourself sliding into the booth across from him with a smile more timid than his. He stares at you unabashedly, looking you over thoroughly, emboldened by the assumption that you are already quite acquainted so this shouldn’t be awkward. But it is. For you, at least. You want to hide your face from his gaze, yet you can’t tear your eyes from him either. It’s like your brain didn’t believe your eyes the first time they saw him the other day, and now that he is right in front of you, it can take the time to fully process what is happening. Jimin is sitting across from you in his favorite booth, dressed handsomely and eyeing you with that adorable pink tint on his cheeks. 

“Hi, (Y/n)!”

“Hi.”

“I’m glad you could make it!” Jimin greets, never looking away from your face. You are the one who breaks eye contact first, thinking quickly of something to say to him.

“Yeah, sorry I‘m a little late.” You answer sheepishly, not mentioning how you came twenty minutes early but sat in the car giving yourself a pep talk and working up the nerve to go inside for twenty-five. The last time you sat in this spot you got lost staring straight ahead of you for hours, trying to imagine how he would look if he were there with you. And now you have exactly what you wished for, his empty seat filled so you no longer have to stare at a wall. It’s hard to grasp completely. This whole thing feels surreal and you’re waiting for the moment that you wake up from this dream and go back to the miserable life you had before today. “But I’m glad you could make it, too. I imagine you’ve been pretty busy these past few days?”

“Not really, no.” He breathes a laugh, finally looking away from you. “I spent most of my time catching up with my family at home. I had to move back in with my parents since I don’t have anywhere else to stay.” A lump forms in your throat when you think of the cold side of your bed that he used to warm. “I met with Taehyung and Jungkook this morning, though. It’s the first time I’ve been outside since I got back.” 

“How did it go?” You know very little of their encounter and you’re curious about how much he remembers about them, if anything at all. Surely he doesn’t know them either, right? It’s terrible, but you almost hope that’s the case. You don’t want to be the only person he’s forgotten about.

“I think it went well! I remembered them,” Damn. “But I guess I forgot a lot of important things about them.” Oh?

“Like what?”

“Well, for starters, I don’t remember being that close to Taehyung.”

“What?!” You almost laugh, not expecting him to say something like that. Hearing him say that is almost as ridiculous as if he said he owned a 6-legged pet dragon. “Taehyung? Your best friend in the whole entire world?” 

He laughs at this, eyes scrunching in that cute way that you adore so much. Seeing it again is enough to make you temporarily forget what you were complaining about. “It’s funny, he said the exact same thing.” 

“Of course he did, that’s the title you gave him in high school. ‘Kim Taehyung, My Best Friend in the Whole Entire World™’.” That’s how Jimin had introduced you to him all those years ago and you thought it was the cutest thing ever. “What do you mean you didn’t know you were that close? What do you remember?” Jimin had previously told you that asking about what he remembers isn’t at all offensive and that he welcomes hearing stories of his past, so you don’t hold back. 

“I remember being really shy in high school my first year, and he was one of the first people to talk to me. And I remember that he was my friend, but they told me that we were practically attached at the hip and that I was better friends with him than I was with Jungkook.” He seems perplexed at this, working it out in his head, and you feel like they didn’t explain this well enough to him.

“It’s true.” You nod.

“But, Jungkook is like my little brother, I’ve known him my whole life.”

“Yes, Jungkook is like family to you, but Taehyung is your soulmate. He helped you through some really tough times in high school and you guys bonded like glue after that. Plus, it’s been over 10 years, so you’ve only gotten closer over time.” You smile, thinking back to how fondly Jimin first spoke of Taehyung after you first met him. You’re simply repeating his own words back to him, but he hangs onto everything you say. 

He sighs. “He seemed pretty hurt when he realized I didn’t remember any of that. I felt terrible. They said it’s been almost 14 years since the last thing I remember. I’m missing so many important memories, it’s like I lost most of my life.” The sag of his shoulders falls deeper, darkness casting over his soft features. You’re both 28 now, so if he’s forgotten 14 years then he literally has missed half of his life. You can’t even begin to comprehend what it would be like to have your memories of your entire teenage and young adult life up until this point vanish. It must be scary for him.

“Can you-“ You start gently, reading his expression. He looks up at you innocently. “Could you maybe tell me about how you lost your memory?” Afraid that your question might be too invasive too soon, you quickly reassure him. “You don’t have to if you aren’t comfortable, we could talk about it another day if you need time to-“

“No, it’s okay,” Now he’s the one reassuring you, and your cheeks flame at your awkwardness. You’ve never really been this nervous around him, this is new for you. “I’ll tell you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s not too upsetting for me or anything. Honestly, not remembering things is worse to think about than the accident.” He laughs as a coping mechanism, but you can sense the underlying pain in him. You want to take his hands, but you hold yourself back. “Three years ago, I was in a plane crash while traveling overseas for work. They think a bird or something flew into one of the engines, and we made a crash landing somewhere off course. Apparently, I was one of the few people still alive when they found us, and I was in pretty bad shape. The nearest hospital was almost 80 miles away from the crash site and I flatlined 2 times on the helicopter ride there— or so I’ve been told— and once we reached the hospital, I had to go in immediately for surgery. The trauma to my head was so bad that my brain started to swell, and the doctors think that’s what caused the memory lost. But, they got it under control and I went through 3 more surgeries before I was completely stable. Afterwards, I was in a coma for a year.” 

You gasp, images flashing through your mind of him laying in a hospital bed in a foreign country, all alone. And while he was suffering through this, you were at home completely unaware of his suffering as you wallowed in your own. You remember the night before he left, that odd feeling in your gut when you asked him if he could skip this trip and stay home with you instead. He’d laughed at your cuteness, kissing you until your nerves were eased, reassuring you that the worst wouldn’t happen. And even when your fears had become a reality, you did nothing to look for him, never thinking of the “what if’s” that might have lead you to be reunited with him sooner. The way he simply rattles all of this information off so quickly only adds to your shock, he must’ve had to explain this many times already.

“Don’t give me that look, the coma wasn’t too bad. It went by in a flash.” He jokes to lighten the mood, but you can’t even force a fake smile to offer him. “Since everything was destroyed in the crash, they had no way of identifying me; plus, my face was horribly bruised and disfigured, so they couldn’t use photo recognition. I know you’re probably thinking that you wish you could have been there for me, but trust me, I saw the pictures and I did not look pretty.”

You want to tell him that you wouldn’t have cared what he looked like if it mean you got to see him alive, but your mouth won’t move. You wish you could tell him the guilt you feel, but you can’t. Because that would raise too many questions from him that you swore you wouldn’t answer just yet. 

“Anyway, when I woke up, I couldn’t really remember much of anything. Aside from being generally disoriented, they were speaking a language I couldn’t understand, so I didn’t know the true extent of my injuries or how long I’d been out. By the time they finally got someone who could translate, I was hysterical, trying to get out of bed and yelling about going home to see someone who was waiting for me.” At this your heart leaps. Could he have been talking about you? Were you the first person he thought about after waking up? You hope so, but since you’ll never know for sure, you just imagine that you were. “I had my memories for about two days while I threw tantrums— this I remember clearly. Not my memories, obviously, but the fits I threw. I refused to rest and fought the nurses who tried to help me with what little strength I had. I think I was mostly angry that I couldn’t do anything on my own. Maybe my tantrums are what caused this... I don’t know.” He looks down at the table for a moment, regathering his thoughts. “After those two days, I settled down considerably and forgot most of my identity. It took another week before I could remember myself again, and that’s when the doctors did tests. They diagnosed me with retrograde amnesia and determined that I lost about 10 years of my memory, but since some of my memories came back during that week, they were hopeful that everything would be back in a few months. But, after 2 years of mental training and physical therapy, I’m still stuck like this.”

It’s here that you lose your cool, tears falling from your burning eyes as you stare woefully at him. You wipe them away but they keep coming, so you apologize and turn your face from him to control the leakage. He questions this, tilting his head in confusion because of your reaction.

“It’s just,” You choke out, taking a shaky breath before meeting his eyes again. “I thought you were dead for 3 years. I went through all 5 stages of grief. We had a memorial service for you last year after everyone finally came to terms with your “death”, but no one knew what you had to go through all by yourself. You were alive the whole time and went through so many struggles, and we were over here forcing ourselves to move on with our lives.” The quiver of your lips after your tears slow gives away your guilt, and you are surprised by how easily he can still read you.

“Don’t feel guilty, there’s no way you could have known.” His hand lifts off the table slightly, as though to reach for yours, but it pauses and instead moves to grab a napkin to hand to you. 

“How did you manage to get back home?” You finally ask once you wipe your eyes. 

“I still remember where I live and some of my parents’ contact information, so as soon as I was well enough, I contacted them. They didn’t believe it was me at first, I guess because everyone thought I was dead, so I had to send them some pictures to fully convince them. It took them 2 days to respond, but when they did, they had booked me a flight home and sent my ticket. That’s how I ended up here.”

“And you remember all of them?” The answer is obviously yes, but you think it’s still an appropriate question.

“Yeah, mostly.” He grins. “My younger brother is an adult now and it felt a little weird talking to him, admittedly.” You chuckle with him. “Overall, my “death” seemed to bring everyone together, I was surprised to find everyone getting along so well.”

“Or, that could have been an act so they don’t stress you out on your first days back home.” You suggest playfully, sharing your first full laugh with him in what feels like forever. He seems comfortable talking to you, and you wonder why you were ever nervous in the first place.

“That’s also a possibility.” He smiles. “But enough about me, we came here so I can get to know more about you. And no more surface level stuff, I want to know who you really are.” Oh, that’s why.

“You’re going to have to be more specific.” You try to keep your voice steady so your sudden uneasiness remains undetectable. The last thing you needed was for him to think you were hiding something. 

“Firstly, what was our relationship?” He says the words cautiously, as if testing them out, imploring gaze piercing your heart. Omit. Omit. Omit.

“We... we dated.” You leave it at that for now. 

“Oh.” He seems… surprised? Bordering relieved. “I figured. How long were we together?”

Nonono, he’s going in the wrong direction. How can you avoid telling him the truth when he asks such a direct question? You don’t want him to know too much just yet, but you can’t keep being so vague. “We dated for a few years.”

“How many years?”

“Four.” That is the truth. He doesn’t need to know any more than that. Yet. 

“That’s-“ His face falls slightly and you watch him closely. “That’s a long time.” Just as you had predicted, Jimin feels guilty and embarrassed. He looks sadder about this than he did about the Taehyung ordeal, probably because he could at least remember Tae a little, but he has no idea who you are. And you probably know everything about him. Well, this is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. “I’m sorry, now I feel like an asshole.” 

“No, it’s not your fault!” You say maybe a little too excitedly. “None of this is your fault.”

“I know, but I still feel bad.” He frowns. “...At least I feel a little better about how I felt when I first saw you, though.” His face colors and yours lifts with interest. “When I first met you the other day,” You frown internally. “I couldn’t believe you were talking to me. I’m sorry if I looked frozen, but you have to understand, it’s a little intimidating to have someone as beautiful as you randomly walk up to me on the street— and then touch my face and hug me.” 

“Oh my gosh,” You hide your face in your hands, embarrassed by your impulsive decision the other day and because your insides are melting from his simple confession. Hearing Jimin call you beautiful is something you hadn’t expected to hear today and you were completely unprepared to be this flustered. He giggles at your reaction, not even trying to hide his own blush. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Neither was I. I didn’t mean to come off so rude when I said I didn’t know who you were, I just didn’t know how else to break the news.”

“Stop apologizing to me, bab-“ You barely catch yourself before you let the word slip, replacing it with a sharp inhale. He doesn’t catch it. “Nothing you’ve done is wrong, I’m just glad you’re back, memory or not.” 

They say the eyes are the windows to a person’s soul. Well, you hope he can see yours. You stare into each other’s eyes for a long time in silence, connecting wordlessly without realizing it. You don’t know what swims in your eyes, but you see comfort swimming in his. 

“It’s really hard to explain, but you’re so easy to talk to. You’re... comfortable. Not you, but you make me comfortable.” He’s said this before, these exact words, and it stops you in your tracks. Like déjà vu, you relive this moment from your first date, and it almost makes you miss the rest of what he’s saying. “I’m nervous to talk to you because my heart keeps doing flips, yet at the same time, I’m the most relaxed I’ve been in days. You’re so familiar to me but I can’t remember. It’s so frustrating, like having a word on the tip of your tongue but you just can’t get to it.” His hand threads through his hair in that habit of his, and you let the action bring you to the present.

You want to tell him that he doesn’t need to remember you, that it’s okay if he doesn’t and that you won’t be hurt by it— and this is true— but you really hope that he does remember something. Feeling familiar is a good sign, right? Although you hate getting your hopes up, you allow it just this once.

“Maybe your memories are still there? They might just be hiding somewhere deep in your brain and you have to work to find them?” Jimin finds the look in your eyes cute when you say this, bright and positive, something else that feels oh-so-familiar.

“Maybe...” He chews on his lip as if he were in deep thought, the action concealing how he takes the time to once again look you over. You are quite beautiful, he wonders how he got you originally, and if you were still dating when he had his accident. But those are questions he hasn’t worked up the nerve to ask yet, so he saves them for later.

“Do you think you’ll remember something if we spend more time together? I could show you around town if that will help?”

“Is that your way of asking me on a date?” He asks smugly, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth teasingly. It gets a reaction out of you and you smile brighter than he’s seen, rolling your eyes because that wasn’t your original intention but you guess he’s right. 

“Depends. Is your answer ‘yes’?” 

“I guess...” He tries to play it cool, but his heart is doing somersaults in his chest, so much so that he has to look away from you for a bit to calm himself. He hasn’t felt this much excitement since he was finally able to walk on his own in physical therapy. 

“Something you might learn about me is that I can be quite flirty.” You wink, earning a giggle from him. You aren’t nearly as flirty as he is, however, and you’re almost eager to find out if that part of him is still the same. 

“That’s great and all, but it’s still surface level. I want to know more than just one sentence summaries of you.” His head tilts to the side and you flounder a bit, trying to think of something to say.

“I don’t know what to say about myself.” You finally relent, scratching the back of your head. 

“Hm. How about you tell me some stories? They don’t have to be about anything exciting, I just want to know what kind of person you are and what experiences you’ve had.” Of all the stories you have readily available in the forefront of your mind, Jimin is in 90% of them. Picking through the assortment, you choose one that involves the two of you, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Mina. 

And that’s how the second part of your date(?) goes. The stories flow from you like a free tap at a bar, and Jimin enjoys every second of it. You order some food when your stomachs start growling, and you’re pleased to know that he has the same taste as before, showing interest in his usual order as he looks over the menu for the “first time”, and you snicker when he takes his first bite and you see his mind get blown all over again. This feeling, the comfort he was talking about earlier, it takes over the atmosphere and it almost feels normal again. For at least a few hours, you get to be the person you once were a long time ago: cheerful, bubbly, and full of enthusiasm. The residual gloom you’ve felt for the past 3 years seems to dissipate into thin air.

——

You have a headache. It pounds at your temples like a bass drum in a marching band, throbbing in time with your heart. Popping two aspirin, you drag your feet through your home with a yawn and click on the stove to start breakfast. 

Saturday was amazing. It far exceeded your expectations in every aspect, mainly because you didn’t expect for it to be so easy to talk to Jimin. For some reason, you thought he would be different, that it would be awkward to talk about yourself because you felt that he already knew all of it. But no. He’s exactly the same, and it was almost refreshing to start over like that. You’d never forget anything about him, but getting to ease back into things was definitely helpful. 

But that’s precisely the problem. What does “things” entail? Did you expect to get back together with him? Was that your intention? As you had predicted, your feelings have not changed for him, but it most likely will not be the same for him. Plus, you have another person to worry about, the man that you promised to go on a date with today, Jaebeom. He had been so sweet when you apologized for not messaging him all weekend, having almost completely forgotten about him after spending time with Jimin. You were texting Jimin practically nonstop to continue whatever you didn’t get to finish saying in person, and the other man never crossed your mind during that time. When you finally got back to him on Sunday night, you agreed to go out with him on Wednesday, thinking you would have at least some of your feelings figured out by then. 

You were wrong. 

It’s Wednesday and nothing has been figured out or resolved, and it’s giving you a headache from how much you’ve been thinking about it. Jaebeom doesn’t even know you’re having second thoughts about him yet and it only makes you feel worse. As far as he knows, he is the only person you’ve shown interest in in several years, and as far as he can tell, you’re pretty into him. Taking it slow doesn’t seem to bother him one bit, and you’re beginning to wonder just how much he actually likes you. Dragging this out wouldn’t be fair to him, but you aren’t really in the position to cut him off just yet because you have no idea what you want to do. He is an option— a very good option— but could you keep seeing him while you’re still figuring out what’s going to happen with you and Jimin? That might be awkward for both parties. Knowing you, you won’t be able to keep them from knowing about each other for long, but neither of them are your boyfriend at the moment, so it’s okay, right? You need time to decide what will happen between you and Jimin, but the question is, will Jaebeom be willing to wait for you? Another hard pound in your skull has you wincing. Maybe things will be a little easier to work through once you see him. 

Jaebeom decided on an outdoor date this time, choosing a park to walk around with you. Exercise always clears your head, so you were excited, but that excitement wanes when you are hit with a flashback. It must be the smell of the trees that has you leaping back in time to when Jimin took you on a walk through a trail nearby one sunny afternoon, and you shared your first kiss by the creek under the cover of the leaves. You shake away the flash of heat that washes over you, stretching your calf muscles against the curb as Jaebeom locks the car. 

“Are you going to wear that jacket? You might get pretty warm once we start walking.” You look down at yourself at his question, thinking about it for a moment. “We’re here for exercise, this won’t be a walk in the park.” He grins at his own joke and you click your tongue, unable to help the chuckle that leaves your lips. 

“This is, in fact, a walk in the park but I guess you’re right.” You throw the jacket into his back seat before he locks the door again and you head out on your path.

The material of your leggings shields you from the small bugs that jump up from the grass with each of your steps. The morning dew has not yet evaporated, wetting the toes of your tennis shoes on your short walk to the start of the path. For the first few minutes the only sound is the crunch of dry dirt beneath your feet and the birds chirping in the trees around you. You tell yourself that it isn’t uncomfortable, but your mind is racing in an attempt to produce something interesting to talk about. Jaebeom doesn’t seem bothered by the quiet, taking a deep breath of the fresh air with a smile on his face as he sets a fast walking pace. It’s almost 10 minutes in before your first words are exchanged. It starts as small talk, comments about the surrounding nature shifting into deeper conversations about anything that comes to mind after the ice is broken. 

Unlike with Jimin, Jaebeom keeps you on your toes. Yes, he is easy to talk to and knows how to hold your interest, but you never get the chance to get completely relaxed around him. He throws in curveballs that make you flush and stutter around your responses, changes topics quickly and asks questions you’ve never even thought of before. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and has the humor of a 45 year old dad, throwing in jokes when you least expect it. He’s also very intelligent (not that Jimin isn’t just as smart), rattling off facts about the animals or plants you spot as you trek deeper into the trail. It’s hard to keep up— both conversationally and physically as he maintains his pace with his long legs— but you are thoroughly enjoying yourself. Until you pass this one spot.

“Looks like you can get to the bank of the creek from there.” He points to a narrow clearing through the trees and grass that leads straight to the water that runs beside your walking path. The bank is muddy but the water is somewhat clear, rushing over smooth rocks and stones. 

Just seeing the area reignites something within you. That date with Jimin where he pulled you off the path and through the narrow clearing to the water. He taught you how to skip rocks and laughed when you threw the first stone straight down and it splashed back up into your face. You sat on the dry part of the bank where the grass grew and looked up at the clouds together, somehow ending up with your faces just a centimeter apart, and it was there that you kissed for the first time. You don’t even remember who leaned in first, just that you never wanted it to end, and when it did you couldn’t stop thinking about it. The feeling lingers on your lips even still.

Attempting to avert your attention from the place that now gets further behind you as you stride on, you stare at Jaebeom. He’s speaking and even though you are literally watching his mouth form the words, you don’t catch a single thing he’s saying. It’s your unfocused staring that causes you to trip, your foot skidding and rolling over a loose rock, the side of your foot making contact with the ground instead of your sole. Your left leg catches your weight, but the moment you place your right foot down again, pain shoots up your leg. You must have made a noise because your date snaps his head toward you and in an instant he’s reaching out to balance you as you hop on your good foot. 

“Did you roll your ankle?” He asks as he helps you over to a nearby bench. Concern laces his voice and covers his face, and you suddenly feel bad. You nod quietly. “Let me look at it.” Kneeling in front of you, Jaebeom gingerly takes your foot in his hand, inspecting it and pushing lightly around your ankle. When you wince he apologizes, moving on to pushing at the bottom of your foot with the palm of his hand to check it’s motion.

“You seem to know a little bit of everything, don’t tell me you’re a doctor too?” You grin, your face twitching when he turns your ankle to the side. He nods thoughtfully at your reaction before answering.

“I used to coach on some recreational sports teams for kids, I’ve seen my fair share of injuries.” He places your foot back on the ground softly and sighs. “I don’t think it’s sprained. Though, I’m not at all qualified to make that diagnosis, so you should probably get it checked out by someone when we get back.” 

“Eh, I don’t think I need to, it isn’t that bad.” You shrug, testing out its mobility from your seat. He looks unsure.

“Can you walk back, or do you need me to carry you?”

“We’re pretty far out, do you think you’d be able to carry me that far?” It isn’t an insult, this he knows, but he still chooses to tease you about it.

“You don’t think I can?” He challenges, albeit playfully, standing boldly in front of you. A laugh bubbles from your throat as you stand as well.

“I never said that. I was asking a question.” 

“We won’t know unless we find out. Hop on.” Jaebeom doesn’t give you time to reject his offer before he’s crouching down and grabbing you behind the knees, making you fall onto his back with a surprised yelp and instinctively wrap your arms around his neck. Once he stands, he adjusts you with a hop.

“Good?” He smiles at your pout.

“Good.” You respond, rolling your eyes when he starts to walk. 

Seeing from this perspective up high, you get the chance to look back down at the bank when you pass it again, biting the inside of your cheek in thought. Those times you had with Jimin feel like a lifetime ago, yet you can envision them so clearly. You feel horrible for thinking about this while on the back of another man. Jaebeom is so caring and sweet, checking in with you to make sure you are comfortable and keeping your spirits up with corny jokes that make you laugh out loud. You’re embarrassed by the looks people give the two of you when you pass them, but he seems proud. He’s a perfect match for you, someone you could move forward with and welcome into your future, but you keep finding yourself stuck in the past. Unable to let go of the memories. You can’t ignore the butterflies you feel, however, whenever Jaebeom slips sly compliments into his commentary or whenever you feel his muscles flex when he readjusts you. Your heart is as fickle as a seesaw.

You’re sure he’s dead set on proving to you that he can walk the whole way, but you can tell he’s fatigued by his heavy panting and increased sweating. “You can put me down now, I think I can walk the rest of the way.” 

“No, we’re not that far, I can make it.” He huffs, eyes trained straight ahead.

“Jaebeom, really, I can walk. My ankle doesn’t even hurt that bad anymore, see.” To show him, you stick your leg out and move your ankle around in all directions, the pain now dull enough to ignore. He stops, sighs, and places you down begrudgingly. 

“Okay, but at least let me help you.” As soon as he offers his arm to you, you take it, leaning some of your weight on him since he’s too tall for you to sling your arm across his shoulders. You hobble awkwardly for a few steps before evening out, trying not to limp as much as possible so you don’t accidentally hurt the other leg. Jaebeom talks the rest of the way back to the car and it’s an amazing distraction, and before you know it he’s unlocking the door and helping you inside before sliding into the driver’s seat next to you.

He pauses once the key is in the ignition, hesitating. There’s an apologetic look on his face when he turns to you, as if he had done something wrong. You question it.

“What’s with the sad look?”

“I just feel bad that you got hurt on our date. I wanted to do something different this time, but it backfired.” He sighs, glancing down at your leg.

“Don’t feel bad, it’s my fault for being clumsy.” And for thinking about someone else while on a date with you, You think. “Since we had to cut our walk short, do you want to hang at my place for a while?” For some reason, you’re blushing. The heat on your cheeks rises as you bite your lip, hoping your offer didn’t come off the wrong way. He seems surprised, searching your eyes to confirm that you are serious, before a wide smile finds its way to his lips.

“I would love to.” His guilt is resolved quickly as he turns the key to start up his car.

A gust of cool air blows in your face when you open the front door of your house, the air conditioning on blast to dispel the rising temperatures outside. You hold the door for Jaebeom and shut it behind him, watching as he takes in your decor. This is the first time he’s actually been inside your home. It feels odd to let a man into your living space, but at the same time, it’s nice to have the space filled by someone other than yourself. Both of your shoes are left at the door as you walk deeper into the cool building, the removal of your shoe making the heat of your swollen foot more noticeable.

“This place is pretty big for just you.” He comments, following you into the kitchen. You spare him a glance as your hand reaches for the cold metal of your refrigerator door, pulling the handle and retrieving two water bottles. 

“That’s because it wasn’t always just me.” You toss a bottle in his direction before opening the freezer for an ice pack. 

“Uh-oh. Do I sense a tragic backstory coming?” He jokes, wiggling his eyebrows. But when he sees the semi-serious look on your face, the humor drops from his. “Wait, really?”

You didn’t expect to tell him about this just yet, especially because you haven’t fully figured out what Jimin’s role in your life would be moving forward. There’s no reason to lie to him about it, the past is in the past and the facts are what they are, you just hope it doesn’t make things uncomfortable between you. Jaebeom is curious now, waiting for you to explain and giving you all the time you need to prepare yourself. You decide to take this time to situate yourself on the couch in your living room. Sitting sideways on the cushions, you lay your injured leg in front of you and place the ice pack onto the throbbing side of your foot.

“You shouldn’t apply cold to your bare skin,” He advises, returning to your kitchen briefly and bringing back a paper towel to wrap the pack in. “Also, it would help to elevate it to reduce the swelling.” In an instant, he is maneuvering your legs to sit under them, placing a pillow on his lap before gently resting your foot atop it. The ice sits on the swollen part of your ankle, and you sigh at the much more bearable cold. 

“Thank you.” A shy smile isn’t enough to show how grateful you are for his help. He doesn’t ask you again, but you know his earlier inquiry still lingers in the air around you, so you decide to face it head on. “I bought this house with someone else about 4 years ago.”

“An ex?”

You look down, unsure of how to answer that. Was Jimin your ex? You choose to avoid his question. “We lived together for about a year before he was in a plane crash and disappeared. I decided to keep living here because I didn’t feel like moving again, so that’s why I’m still here.” 

“He was in a plane crash? That’s horrible! Did they ever find his body?” You almost laugh at this, cracking a smirk that you couldn’t hide fast enough. It’s funny in an ironic way, because who the hell would have expected him to return from the dead after 3 years? That’s a plot twist you’ve only seen in movies, and it’s still hard to wrap your mind around.

“Actually, he isn’t dead. He just returned to our town last week.” The look on Jaebeom’s face is priceless, and you would laugh at that too if it wasn’t for the slight disappointment in his eyes. Of course he wouldn’t ever wish for anyone to be dead, but there’s an underlying worry that you won’t be able to reassure out of him. “He has amnesia, so he doesn’t remember me at all, so I met with him on Saturday to reintroduce myself. Though, it was mostly just to convince myself that he was really alive.” You confess.

“Is that where you were this weekend?” Not an ounce of jealousy or bitterness is in his voice. For that, you are thankful.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you earlier, I was going through some things.” You look away from him again in embarrassment, but from what, you don’t know. This shouldn’t be embarrassing. He is one of the most understanding and forgiving people you have ever met, and this is a primary example of that.

“I told you, it’s fine. We’re both adults, it’s okay if you can’t respond to a text for a few days because something important came up. If I was in your place, I would do the same thing.” He smiles. “How did it go?”

The question catches you off guard. You didn’t think he would want to hear about it, but you’re glad he’s extended an invitation for you to talk about it because you haven’t gotten the chance to yet. Well, Joy and Mina have been badgering you for details over text all week, but you weren’t able to communicate your true feelings in writing. And although he might not be the best person to talk to about this topic, you’re dying to get some things off your chest.

“It went well, I think. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it turned out okay. Have you ever met someone who has amnesia?” He shakes his head. “It’s the weirdest feeling ever. It’s like when you accidentally mistake someone for someone else, so you go up to them and start a conversation like you’re close friends, and then that person looks at you funny and breaks the news that they aren’t who you think they are and that they, in fact, have never even met you before. But the weird part is that you do know them, they just don’t know you.”

“I couldn’t imagine what that must be like.” It looks like he’s actually trying to envision himself in that situation, and you feel your chest warm up. When you open your mouth to speak again, he glances at the clock and removes the ice pack from your leg, replacing it with his hand, rubbing over the frigid flesh lightly. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but is it okay if I massage this a bit? It’ll help it heal.” Your mouth parts dumbly at the way his fingers dance over you, but you pull yourself together enough to nod. “Please, continue.”

“A-Anyway, he could barely remember his own best friend, so I spent most of the time telling him stories about them and things we all experienced together with our other friends.” Your voice starts again softly, still watching his hands. “It was an odd mix of emotions. I could finally reminisce old times with someone, but I hated that he didn’t share the same nostalgic feeling that I had when I thought back to those days.”

“Did you talk to him about your relationship?” Is his next inquiry, causing your nose to wrinkle.

“Not completely...” You scratch at the back of your neck when he looks at you. “I didn’t want to overload him with information on the first day, I figured I should take it slow.” Take it slow. That’s the exact same thing you had told Jaebeom when you first started seeing each other. It’s what you keep reminding him of whenever he gets too close or comfortable. You can tell the words strike something within him by the way his mouth sets in a frown for a split second before bouncing back to its neutral line. Did he think you meant romantically? That’s not at all what you intended, but it could be interpreted that way. He doesn’t comment on it, so you quickly try to explain. “I mean, eventually I will tell him, but we’re both on different paths now so I don’t feel the need to rush into telling him the details.”

You swallow as his fingers feel at the muscles running along the side of your leg, the light pressure and warmth of his hand sending a tingle through you that you haven’t felt in a while. It’s quiet for a beat, both your eyes trained on your leg as he works. 

“Do you think he’ll ever get his memories back?” He looks at you deeply, the question genuine, and you can’t determine a motive for it except that he’s trying to determine if he should consider Jimin competition or not.

“I’m not sure.”

“Do you want him to get his memories back?” This one’s a bit trickier, and you force out an answer before you give yourself time to think about it.

“Yes and no. I want him to remember out of sympathy because he’s missing memories from half of his life, and that must be terrible— especially since the past decade of our lives were where we defined our identities and personalities. But at the same time, I don’t want him to remember because it might complicate things. I want closure so I can move on, possibly with you.” It’s a lot easier to say this when Jimin isn’t here, sitting in front of you. It’s easier to spew this nonsense to appease the man in front of you for now while you try to determine whether or not what you’ve just said is true. Honestly, you have no idea if you’ll be able to move on once you get used to having Jimin around again. You don’t know if you’ll even want to move on if he somehow gets his memories back or falls in love with you again. Because the truth is that you’re still in love with him and you never stopped loving him, that’s the reason your life has been a living Hell up until last week, and it will most likely take an incredible amount of willpower and strength to ignore those feelings the closer you get to Jimin. But in this moment, moving on seems like a very possible goal. 

Jaebeom is pleased with your response, breaking into a smile at the implication of you having a relationship with him in the future. “Closure.” He repeats, tasting the word. “Is that why you told me you were emotionally unavailable when I first asked you out? Because of him?”

“Yes.” Not that it was his fault. You find yourself defending Jimin in your head, rolling your eyes at yourself mentally.

“I think closure will be good for you. Not everyone gets to see their lost loved ones again and heal their trauma, you should take advantage of this. Plus, this is the happiest I’ve seen you since we first met,” Soft eyes land on you as he looks you over and chills travel your body with his gaze.

“Really?” You hadn’t noticed your change in mood over the past few days because of the tornado of emotions inside your head, but he’s right. You can safely say that since seeing Jimin this weekend, you’ve had more than a few good days, something you haven’t experienced since before he went missing. 

“Yeah, and I must say, happy looks good on you. I thought you were beautiful before, but now you’re absolutely stunning with the extra brightness in your attitude. You look... alive.” It might be a weird compliment for some, but hearing him say that you look livelier than before is touching. Most of the time, you have to force yourself to look that way, remind yourself to smile at people that you actually want to see, force energy into your deadpanned words when speaking. You’ve tried makeup and brighter clothes to offset the gloominess in your eyes and heart, but clearly that hasn’t worked. To hear him say that you look happy again— like your old self that he never knew— without trying, is beyond uplifting. His more obvious compliment is not lost on you either. “I know you haven’t been happy lately and that you need time to work out everything with him, but I would like to try and fill that hole that he left in you and make you happy in my own way. I really like you, (Y/n), and I want to be here for you.”

You blush, feeling heat rise up your chest and face at the attention he’s giving you now. His hands continue to rub at your leg, moving higher until he reaches your knee, and goosebumps break out on your skin from the contact. It’s been so long since you’ve been touched by someone, even in a non-sexual context, and just the feeling of his hand creeping up your leg is enough to wind you up. He notices instantly and hides his smirk. His eyes stare into yours in an attempt to read you, frozen until you make the first move or push his hand away. When it becomes clear that you are also waiting for him to do something, he slides his hand back down to your foot again, pressing his fingers into your muscle gently on the way down, and you take in a sharp inhale.

“I’m sorry, did that hurt?” He says quickly, removing his hand from you in fear that his actions have hurt you, but instead of replying you move your body until you are kneeling right next to him on the couch. Your faces are a breath away as you look at each other. What were you about to do? 

For some reason, you felt the urge to kiss him. After just talking about Jimin and your unresolved trauma, your brain felt that the next logical step was to kiss Jaebeom. Maybe it’s because you have opened up to him in a way that hasn’t happened between you before. Or maybe it’s because he confessed his feelings in words to you. He is the first man who has shown genuine care for you in years and you don’t know what to do with that. You’ve just told him the cause of your brokenness and he didn’t run away, so maybe that’s why your heart is pounding so hard as you blink back at him. Whatever it is, this probably isn’t the best idea. You do it anyway.

Just before he can open his mouth to say something, you close the space between you, connecting your lips in one swift move. He responds gracefully, however, his hands ghosting your back with uncertainty until you shift to straddle his lap. You hate how you fumble at first like it’s your first time, nearly falling over in your eagerness to sit atop him. His lips feel so good on you that you almost moan once you fall into rhythm, your disposition no longer shy as you place your hands on his shoulders and deepen the kiss. Now, his hands find their way to your waist, squeezing with affection and reverence, surely feeling lucky that you have finally let down a wall and allowed him to hold you like this. He uses this as an opportunity to explore your midsection, mindful of your chest because that’s a boundary you haven’t given him consent to cross yet, but his touch still ignites a burning in your lower stomach. His tongue swipes at your bottom lip, asking for entrance before snaking it’s way in, and your fingers tighten on the fabric of his shirt as you give in to the sensations of him.

At some point, his hands reach your ass, and once you arch into him, he pulls you closer. Just a little higher on his lap, but you take it upon yourself to scoot the rest of the way up until you sit directly above his bulge. You feel the way he gasps into your mouth, and just when your hips begin to roll he pulls away. He pushes your hips back just far enough so you can’t feel how he’s starting to harden, and your mind starts to clear instantly. 

“We should... take it slow.” He pants, blinking a few times to clear his own head. 

The reminder of your own words is what makes you stop and think. What the hell were you doing? This is by far the most impulsive thing you have done in a long while, yet you can’t say that it didn’t feel good not to overthink. You’ll leave that for later, but for now, you won’t let him see how badly you’ve just messed up. It’ll only make him feel bad.

“Y-Yeah, I should slow down.” You slouch a little, still on his lap with your hands on his broad shoulders. He’s an amazing kisser, you almost lose your train of thought just looking at his lips again. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He reassures, pushing a flyaway strand of hair back up to your ponytail. “Let’s take baby steps. We just had an emotionally vulnerable conversation, I don’t think now is the time to take leaps and bounds into anything. I wouldn’t want you doing something you aren’t ready for. Or something you’ll regret.”

But it’s too late for that. You don’t know if you regret kissing him, but that definitely wasn’t the right move. All it’s really done is confuse you further about your feelings because you really like him, but until you decide what you want to happen in regards to your relationship with Jimin, it wouldn’t be smart to lead him on into anything that you aren’t willing to finish. The last thing you want is to give Jaebeom a false sense of the situation, to think that he has your heart exclusively when you are actually torn between two men. What you’ve actually done is reassure him of that false hope by kissing him and losing your self control, which is the opposite of what you should have done.

“Thank you,” You sigh, finally moving off of him. “For not taking advantage of me. You really are a great guy.”

You aren’t doing anything, but Jaebeom soon finds that he continues to harden in his pants the longer he stares at you, so, reluctantly, he stands. You try to ignore the way he adjusts himself in his pants, a blush cloaking both of your faces. “I’m just trying to be a decent person,” He scratches his head bashfully. “I think I should go.”

You nod as you walk him to the door, the soreness of your ankle just a little bit less than it was before. Slipping on his shoes, he stands with his hand on the doorknob.

“Sorry about our date.” He motions to your foot and you shake your head.

“No, I had fun, don’t apologize.”

“Really?” You hum an assurance. Hope returns to his eyes and you feel your heart flutter. When you think about it later, you know you’ll hate yourself for complicating things by kissing him, but right now you want nothing more than to do it again. This could be a blossoming new romance for you, and it’s frightening. As he stands here, you try to convince yourself that you’re ready for it. “I had a good time, too. But I still want to do better for our next date, so I have some planning to do. I’ll text you!” 

Turning the knob, he opens the front door, but pauses before stepping out. You realize after a second that he’s waiting for a goodbye from you. Should you kiss him on the cheek like usual? Or should you give him a real kiss this time? You don’t know if you’ll be able to stop yourself again if you kiss him fully again, so you settle for a small peck to his lips, pulling away far too quickly and sending him on his way. You barely wait for his car to pull out of your driveway before you slam the door shut, letting your forehead rest on the wood before walking back into your living room.

——

Foggy blue streaks through your curtains in typical sleepy morning fashion. But you’re wide awake, jittery muscles causing you to toss and turn in bed until you sit up and decide to start your day. You pour one cup of coffee, black to shock your system enough to wake you fully, taking the extra time to cook an actual breakfast. It’s bright outside by the time you finish eating, flying through your bathroom routine in record time. The extra time is wasted on picking an outfit, checking the weather multiple times to determine whether or not you should wear the new flowy top you bought last week. You eventually do choose the top but decide to go with a pair of worn jean shorts to look as casual as possible.

No accessories today— well, maybe a bracelet and some earrings. This isn’t a date by any means, but you figure you should still try to look nice today. That velvet box is still tucked in its corner, never going unnoticed but purposely ignored as you check the time on your phone and walk towards the front door.

Jimin insisted that you and Taehyung both show him around your town, stating that he wanted it to feel like the old times you told him about where the three of you would get into all sorts of trouble together. You insisted that he didn’t have to force anything if it made him uncomfortable, but he simply laughed and told you not to worry. And Taehyung insisted on driving. Truth be told, you were nervous to see Taehyung again after the radio silence between the two of you for the past 6 months. Of course there wasn’t any hostility or anything between you, but you weren’t sure how you would feel when you got to see him in person. Trying not to think too hard about it, you’re just about to text said man when the doorbell rings.

With a deep breath you open the door, only to be faced with a broad chest, defined collarbones, and a chiseled jawline. Taehyung always stands too close to people, which is something you’ve complained to him about many times over, and it seems he still hasn’t changed. But it’s… refreshing.

“Hey.” He greets in his deep voice, the familiarity soothing your nerves. 

Yeah. That’s right. This is Kim Taehyung, a man you’ve known since senior year of high school, someone you’ve grown close to over the years and have shared many laughs with. The man who treated you like his sister when you finally went official with Jimin and took your side in arguments when his best friend was being unreasonable. The first person you invited to all your gatherings. The person you clung to at the memorial service when you were too weak to stand on your own and crying your heart out. How could you forget? How could you ever be anxious about this reunion?

“Hi, Tae.” You choke out, getting a good look at him once he finally takes a step back. He’s aged a bit since you last saw him, stress having painted lines on his forehead and dimmed the brightness in his eyes just slightly. But he looks healthy, something you’re glad to see. “You ghosted me.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just couldn’t-“ He sighs and you know exactly what he means.

“You promised to keep in touch with me.” Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you try to keep your face as unreadable as his.

“I know.”

“…I missed you.” 

“I missed you, too.” He reaches for a hug that you openly accept and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your chest. You’ve always communicated with him like this, blunt and straightforward, completely honest with each other. He’s the type of person that brings that out of people, which is one of the reasons Jimin chose him as his best friend, but sometimes you find yourself saying to him things you didn’t even know you were thinking. And it isn’t until you say it out loud that you realize how you actually feel— that you did miss him. Neither of you had expected to lose another friend on top of losing Jimin, and you guess you ignored that pain until now.

“You and I are friends too, so don’t go disappearing on me again, okay?” You muffle into his chest, and Taehyung nods as he pulls back from the hug, smiling that boxy grin of his.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do better.” He gives a noncommittal shrug and you can only shake your head at his antics. 

“Where’s Jimin?”

“In the car. I told him to give me a minute with you. Thought you’d be mad at me.”

“I am mad at you.” You roll your eyes.

“Well you better get over it because we have a full day ahead of us and no time for pouting.” Intrigued, you tilt your head in curiosity.

“Oh yeah? What do you have planned?”

“Jimin doesn’t remember anything that’s happened in the last 10 years and this place has changed a lot since then. I figured we could give him the tour of everything instead of trying to look for the places he doesn’t remember.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

“Sheesh, that’s gonna take forever.”

“I know, that’s why I said we have a long day ahead of us! I really want him to get a feel for this place since it must be weird for him to be back and not recognize much of anything. If we can knock this tour out in one day then hopefully he’ll feel a bit more comfortable moving forward and won’t be as confused all the time. Also, he’s really been looking forward to this day with us, so I want to make the most of it.” Taehyung rubs his arm almost bashfully, pulling a smile from you. Despite not being the most outwardly affectionate person, Tae always worries about Jimin and looks out for him; and if seeing Jimin uncomfortable and disoriented in his hometown is hard for you to watch, you can’t imagine how it’s affecting Taehyung. 

As soon as you enter the car, you’re met with the beam of sunshine named Park Jimin. He’s almost bouncing with excitement, asking if the two of you made up and gushing about getting to spend time as a trio once again. You guess Tae was right, he really was looking forward to this. 

The day goes by in a flash, the three of you starting off at the very edge of town and working your way to the center, and you’re almost surprised by how thought out Tae’s plans for the day are. You feel like a tourist in your own town, like seeing it for the first time in years as he takes you on the scenic route down memory lane. Flashes of your old (well, younger) selves appear throughout the town and neighborhoods that you grew up in, running around, goofing off and enjoying the youth you once basked in together. You see in Taehyung’s eyes that he’s seeing the same thing, but Jimin’s eyes are fresh and new, only vague remembrance in them. Jimin is having so much fun, but the original trio doesn’t feel the same. It’s almost like having 2 and a half people instead of 3, Jimin being physically the same for the most part, but not mentally on the same page as you two. 

“What’s that look for?” Taehyung approaches as you both wait for Jimin to buy a snack at a small food stall, the two of you looking on as if watching over your child. 

“I don’t know, things just feel different.” You mumble, not really wanting to say it out loud. “It’s hard to reminisce when he doesn’t remember what we’re talking about, and every time I think back, all I feel is sadness. Like that Jimin is gone forever.” You can remember snippets of days you spent exploring the area with you lover, growing deeper bonds with him outside of when Taehyung was there with you, and to think all of that is gone, that you have to start over, is hurting you more than you thought. 

“Well, just because he’s starting over doesn’t mean he’s not the same person. He’s still Jimin, not some alien that l took over his body. He’s got the same sense of humor and makes the same jokes he used to, and he’s just as happy to spend time with us as he used to be. So what if he can’t remember, we can start fresh and make new memories instead of trying to relive the old ones.” Pushing off the wall that he was leaning on, Tae turns to face you. The brick still digs into your exposed shoulder as you continue to lean on the worn wall. “Look, even if we can remember those times, they’re never coming back. The past is the past and all we can do is keep living in the present— which means we have to be present for the Jimin that’s here now. We already mourned the old Jimin, the one we made all those memories with, the one that knew us, but this is a chance for us to let him get to know who we are now and to rebuild his image of us and our friendship. The best thing we can do for him is to start over and regain his trust and friendship instead of dwelling on the past. So wipe that look off your face and have fun, dammit!” He doesn’t say the last sentence with any anger and even chuckles afterwards, but you still feel a small ache in your heart. You haven’t been having fun this entire time, you’ve been too busy worrying and being stuck in your head, stuck in the past. Man, Taehyung really knows how to talk some sense into you when he needs to, despite saying nonsense most of the time. “And don’t forget to smile. He went on and on earlier about how nice your smile is, yet you haven’t shown it off once today.”

Jimin returns with his snack just as he says this, the slightly older of the men looking confused by how flustered you now look. The day continues and you take on a new perspective for the second half of the tour. 

You watch Jimin the entire time, looking on fondly at his awe and excitement, and you realize that you haven’t truly been able to appreciate where you live in a long time. Everything has been covered in a thick fog since you lost Jimin and you haven’t been truly seeing anything around you. The way he and Taehyung point out the things you haven’t noticed makes you see that there is beauty all around you. There was a time that you hated the monotony of your town, hated how ugly the mix of old and new seemed as everyone moved on around you, forgetting about the one person they had lost. It felt as if they had all wanted to change, renovate, as soon as Jimin disappeared, but now you realize that you were the only one standing still. Even Tae had adopted a new outlook on life, and that is why he is so prepared to handle Jimin as he is now. That speech he gave you resonated, and it’s as if the world has gained its color back, a smile stretching over your lips.

“You have a really pretty smile.” Jimin says to you, smiling sheepishly himself. Tae gives you a look as if to say “told ya so”. 

By the end of the day, you feel like you can breathe again. And this feeling carries on into the night, leading to the most restful sleep you’ve had in 3 years.

[hot-take-tournament]

my mother insists that they got it right the first year and then just mandela effected themselves about it later or smth. but my grandmother says that she remembers for a few years insisting that it was actually the 30th and nobody believing her.

my parents say they didn't take the birth certificates out often to check bc apparently they didn't want to lose it or smth? and didn't actually look at it when they were copying mine and my sisters' for that school.

a lot of forms don't require proof of date of birth bc they assume that the parents, yknow, know when their kid was born. and the medical record that kept being referenced was the shot record, so until age 12, my doctor's records and ID and everything said the 29th, and after we figured it out, everything had to be changed

anyway, I sort of get my mother forgetting, bc she was drugged to hell and back (which is the same reason i was dropped p soon after i was born), but my dad's got no excuse

yeah, i mean i get how you'd forget - i legitimately once missed my own birthday because i got the month wrong

and i know that you fill out a lot of forms yourself, so i can see how all that information could be wrong if your parents were totally convinced that they were right - that makes sense, especially to a terminal airhead like me

but what i don't understand is how it was right on the birth certificate, but wrong on everything else, and especially your ID

if your parents made the mistake when they registered your birth, that's one thing - but if it was right on the certificate, it would have to be right on your ID as well????

(long boring ass explanation under the cut - i'm just trying to figure out how this is even possible)

if it's legally valid ID, it would have the same information as your birth certificate - you can't get a second form of valid ID without providing an already valid form of ID to confirm the information is correct

here's an example:

when you're a baby, your birth certificate is your only legally valid form of ID

(there are other options if you don't have one, like an adoption certificate for example, but let's ignore that for now since it doesn't apply here)

so, when you eventually want your second valid form of ID - let's say it's a passport - you have to present a form of ID to confirm the information is correct, and that would have to be your birth certificate, because you don't have anything else

so the information on your passport is guaranteed to be the same as your birth certificate, which is why it's an acceptable form of ID

and then, if you want a third form of ID, like a driver's license for example, you can present either your birth certificate or your passport, because they are guaranteed to both have the correct information

and then your driver's license would also have that same information, and now you have three forms of ID, and when you get your fourth ID - well, you get the idea.

that's how the system works - it's meant to ensure that your information is at least consistent on all your legal forms of ID, even if you or somebody else makes mistakes on other forms

i know you were only 12 so you probably didn't have many forms of ID, but the ones you did have should be correct

if your ID has the wrong date of birth on it - even by one day - it's a fake ID. if it's a passport, it isn't valid, so you gotta get those details fixed before you try to leave the country - it happens all the time, so it's not as if you're going to get in trouble for it, especially since it's only one day

(unless you're somehow mind-bogglingly stupid enough to say, completely unprompted, that you did it deliberately - and if that's you, you probably shouldn't run with scissors)

and there's no way your actual medical records would use your shot record of all things to confirm your age - that's such a randomly specific form for your entire medical history to be based on, and not everyone even has one; a hospital would always use your birth certificate, because a) everyone actually has one, and b) they know that it's got your correct information on it, which is pretty important for a hospital

in fact, i'm 90% sure that when you register with a doctor you need to give them a birth certificate, and that's the same for when you register at a school - like you said, you had to send them a copy, and they then used that for the standardised test to confirm your identity when they recorded your results

so, tl;dr - any record kept by or accepted as valid by the government - your legal ID, your educational qualifications, your criminal record if you have one, etc. - should have the same information as what's on your birth certificate

the reason they need safeguards like this is specifically because of situations like yours

so if all those records are correct, i don't see how something like this can happen for 12 years without anyone noticing at any point??

and if your legal/medical records aren't correct, since your parents were right for the first year of your life i have no idea when this all fell apart to the point where they had to go back and change everything - there's no way that was because of a shot record, even if that was what caused the mandela effect for your parents

also, they were right for an entire year but then convinced themselves they were wrong because of the shot record, which I think starts on the same day as the birth, or at least like 7-10 days later?? that makes this story weirder somehow

anyway, i tried to make this concise, but this story is so baffling that i literally can't wrap my head around it, so sorry this was really long

and this is just my understanding of it, and if i got something wrong, let me know - i'm not an expert by any means

(also, side note - your grandma was not correct; she mandela-affected herself into believing she was right the entire time, as all grandparents do. my advice would be to start fully agreeing with her, and you'll become her favourite grandchild)

[amplifyme]

I have an update on Acquainted With the Night! :DDD

Finished Part I (of III); and Nan's writing is stunning. Only watched the Pilot episode of the show (will watch more when I get my hands on the series), but she nails the atmosphere and ALL of the character voices and motivations and is so beautifully, intelligently capable of so many things on so many levels. Incredible. (Glad you sent me the wikipedia link to catch up-- never would have seen those plot twists and turns coming from a mile away.)

I love Diana, love her to death. It's interesting approaching her character through a (I presume) post-series lens as opposed to seeing and growing attached to Catherine's love story. She's already firmly attached to Vincent; but the love really blooms after slowly getting used to his life Below. And him and sunlight...???? Beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful, uhhh.

I love the quiet, the dark, theatrical fairytale mixed with the brash-in-check, empathetic street smarts of an on-the-ground, workaholic cop. Mouse's backstory (I understand now why you love his character so much), Vincent's teen years (Winslow and Pascal-- Nan's writing made me remember their character names within paragraphs of meeting them) Diana's loft, the computer, the fire, the roses, the danger and injuries, the tunnels, the wedding, the Bowry... but most of all, Vincent and Diana's completely in-sync communication that doesn't require them to "speak" the same and yet understand each other's language: ex. she calls him babe and yet he never asks why until halfway through; she defines rape and sits, watching him come to his own conclusions for over an hour; she cops out his motives yet misses the nuances, but understands his flowery interpretations and translates them with her playful and crudely simple analogies; etc. His trauma and gradual acceptance of and outreach for touch was... touching (heh.)

I'm so hooked on this series. Aaaaaaaaaaand I found "To every craft, its proper mystery"! What a surprise~~~~. (I tried to type the phrase into my search engine to see if it was a quote from somewhere else, too; and thus far nothing-- the only search results that come up are your blog, unprompted, and a few other assorted sites.) There are so many quotable lines that happen every other sentence... and all of them are beautiful.

Again, I am delighted that you posted the excerpts you did; otherwise, I would have missed out on a brilliant, brilliant story.

Responding under the cut...

You have no idea how happy this makes me! One of my favorite things in the world is being able to share this magical world of BATB and Nan's AWTN series. I've long considered it one of the best pieces of fiction ever written - fan or otherwise. I have to pull out the zines every couple years or so for a re-read, just because it's that good. I just wish there were scans of the zines themselves so you could experience all the fan art, too.

Your presumption is right: this is written through a post-series lens, often referred to as 4th Season fanfic. I love that you loved Mouse's origin story! Cat and Mouse is one of my very favorites in the series.

Oh, I was gonna warn you about You, Darkness, since it's a rather dark (but truthful) portrayal of Vincent's otherness and drives home the fact that he's not just a man who looks like a lion, he is a beast, too. So many of the Classic fans (those who ignore or deny the 3rd season and only accept Vincent with Catherine) prefer to overlook that beastly aspect of Vincent and don't seem to understand the terrible toll all the killings he committed in Cathy's defense had on the part of him that is a man. In the episode The Outsiders, Cathy tells him that there are dark places in all of us. His response sums it up well: "But part of me feeds in that darkness, and I am lost in it."

The S2 ending trilogy of What Rough Beast, Ceremony of Innocence and The Rest Is Silence examines the damage that darkness did to Vincent. Nan novelized those eps in the official book Beyond Words, Beyond Silence, which is my second favorite of her works. It's on the web page I linked you to and well worth reading to get a better understanding of Vincent. One of my favorites in AWTN 1 is Dialogues, because it really drives home how damaged he is post-Catherine. It also explains why I came to love Diana so. She never wanted a watchdog or Vincent's protection. All she ever wanted was him, in all his aspects, no apologies, no excuses.

The entire 3rd season is set up as a sort of flip-side to the V & C story. In it, Diana is the one to find an injured V and bring him to her home to heal and grow stronger. She's his protector. And I love that about her.

"To every craft, its proper mystery." ❤️ That's the single line of Nan's that's stuck with me all these years. It just really struck a chord with me. Such a short phrase, but it packs a punch.

Anyway, I'll stop before this becomes novel-length. Enjoy your journey, and keep me updated. You get to meet Devin, Vincent's brother, in AWTN 2. Oh, and As On a Darkling Plain is so, so good! I'll give you the backstory on that one once you get through it. I sure hope you're able to find a way to watch the entire series soon!

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Feel free to skip past these requests! Yeah... I have two but you don't have to to them both, if any. They're both for your Marvin in the swap au... I've been seeing him requested a lot, he's a pretty cool character! But does Marvin from your swap au have a leg injury? If so can we get a whump fic of it hurting him real bad (I know what that's like) or, for another idea. He got really sick as a kid, right? Could we get a fic of young Marv battling with the illness? Thank you!

(It's funny that you say he's been requested "a lot," because the last request I got was the first one I had in, like, a year or more. And the first one I got that was completely unprompted. XD Not that I mind! I love getting requests—though if I get too many in the future I might get overwhelmed. Right now, though, I love it :D)

(Anyway, Switch!Marvin doesn't have a leg injury. I mean, he does get one in the main story, but he there wasn't an injury that led to his trouble walking. That was entirely caused by the sickness, which left him with constant fatigue and muscle weakness. So that's the request I'll be fulfilling ^-^ )

(Since he's a kid in this prompt, warning for suffering of a child, as well as hospitalization. He did not have a good time :( )

The lady in white told him that he was lucky, but Marvin really didn’t feel lucky. He didn’t feel anything except terrible. His head hurt, his stomach hurt, and he was really tired but he couldn’t get to sleep. He didn’t like this hospital place. The long room was open, and the other kids and grown-ups in the beds around him scared him every time they coughed or spoke without warning.

“When can I go home?” he asked one of the ladies in white who often walked around the hospital. He thought maybe they were nuns, but weren’t nuns supposed to wear black, not white?

She didn’t answer at first, just looked at him. Then she sighed. “In a few days, lad,” she said. “Maybe a week at most.”

“Oh.” Marvin grabbed the edge of the blanket, twisting it in his hands. “C-can I... can I go home now?”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re still ill.”

He knew that. But he didn’t understand why he couldn’t go home and have the doctor come see him. It was so loud and big here. At home, he could be alone, with Mammy and Daddy and no one else. He could sleep in a bed with blankets that didn’t make his skin crawl, in a room where there wouldn’t be any bright lights on all the time.

Maybe he was just too sick. Maybe it would be too hard for Mammy and Daddy, who were sick, too. They hadn’t left their room in a couple days, not answering his calls. He wanted so badly to go get them, but it was hard to move. His body wouldn’t listen to what his thoughts were saying. He remembered sitting up a little, but not being able to stand. He remembered falling out of bed onto the hard wooden floor and trying desperately to pull himself up, shouting for his parents to come help. They didn’t, though. There wasn’t even a shout from their bedroom across the hall. He remembered struggling to get into bed and crying, screaming for them to at least answer.

In the end, it wasn’t his parents who came for him. It was Granmam, who’d been coming down for a visit, worried about the family’s health. She sat with him, hushed him, told him it was all going to be alright. He just kept crying. The sobs hurt his throat, but he couldn’t stop. Granmam told him she would check on his parents. She went off, and didn’t come back for a while. When she returned, she looked really pale. And again, she told him it was going to be alright, but in a different sort of voice now.

Marvin didn’t understand what that was all about, but Granmam promised him he was going to get better. He would just have to stay in the hospital for a while. That was a few days ago. He couldn’t remember how many exactly.

“Where’s my mam and dad?” he asked the lady in white next time she came around.

“Your... oh.” The lady in white looked shocked. “Well, I t’ink you should ask your grandmother about t’at.”

“T’en where—” A bout of coughing interrupted him. Marvin rolled over to his side, waiting for it to stop. Each cough felt like he was hacking up his inside parts, and they just kept coming.

The lady in white waited patiently for him to stop. “Here.” She handed him a handkerchief. “You shoul' cover your mouth when you cough. T’ey say it will stop other people from getting sick.”

Marvin immediately pressed the handkerchief to his mouth. It felt like more coughs were rattling around in his chest, but they didn’t fly up his throat. “Where’s Granmam?” he asked, voice slightly muffled.

“You’ll be able t’see her when ye can leave the hospital,” the lady said patiently.

“Can I leave now?”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re still very unwell.”

Marvin nodded. He knew that. He knew that. But he wanted to go home. Tears welled up in his eyes.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” the lady said gently. “It’ll all be alrigh’, I promise.”

Everyone kept saying that. But it didn’t feel alright. It didn’t feel like it was anything but terrible.

[moonchild-things]

Chapter Seven: How Shady! Dark Reunion!

Summary: Being a psychic is not an ideal life, at least for Saiki Kusuo. Didn’t you read/watch The Disastrous Life of Saiki K to know that? Still, this isn’t about him, not really. Instead, let’s focus on his one and only friend, Akari Watanabe, who is also quite abnormal. You might not believe that Saiki would actually have a friend, but that’s what fanfictions are about, right?  

Word Count: 2836

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AKARI SIGHED CONTENTLY AS SHE FOLLOWED KUSUO to their class for the day. The day had started out relatively all right, for her at least. Her brother hadn't woken her up as abruptly as he usually does, her dad made her favorite breakfast, and her mom had enough time to see them off to school for once. The day was actually turning out to have a good start for once. She wasn't in her usual slightly grumpy mood or had an urge to hide in the shadows like every other morning. Instead, she was completely content with how her day started out. She had a feeling that things would be quite all right today.

Just as the superpower duo was going to enter their classroom, the blue-haired boy that associated himself with them came over. He seemed to be quite jittery about something. Unprompted he turned and spoke to them,  "You see, I've been summoned. I can't say more right now, but it's going to rock the world. I'll explain when the time comes." With that, he then turned and waddled away from them.

They watched him go in confusion, 'What?' Kusuo wondered, 'Did he make a friend or something?'

'Should we look into that or...?' Akari's eyes trailed after him before turning to her pink-haired friend with a little bit of worry swarming in her eyes. She knew how Kaidou could get himself hurt extremely easily, so she could help but want to look out for him. 

'Probably not.'

Akari's eyes rolled at his blatant uninterest in the mystery that is Kaido. Then again, she should have suspected that he wouldn't care. He barely cares about anyone besides himself, so it shouldn't be surprising to her. Come on, Akari, don't you remember who you're dealing with? 'What if it's something bad?'

Kusuo turned his bored eyes down to her, 'Do you really care?'

'Maybe a little...' Akari shrunk under his intense stare and looked away, 'I mean, he's a moron, you and I both know he could get hurt easily and by just about anything.' So what if she was looking out for him. Sure, she didn't get involved with people because she didn't want to gain attention, however, Kaido was a bit different. She was one of the only few people she considered to be at least an acquaintance. She even believed that Kusuo would think of the blue-haired boy as the same. That being said, she at least wanted to make sure that he was safe. God forbid he was going to end up getting himself into a situation where he was going to get hurt and Akari could have done something to stop it from happening, she would be disheartened. Akari hated dealing with people. However, the few that she did find endearing or tolerable were the ones she did not want to end up hurt in any way. So sue her if she wanted to keep an eye out for him. She was just being a decent human being.

Kusuo stared at her blankly for a long moment before mentally grumbling, 'You have a soft spot for him.'

'Not really.' Akari said and tilted her head in thought while placing a hand on her chin, 'He's kind of like a puppy, I guess.'

The two stood in silence for a moment as Kusuo contemplated slightly over it. Though from the corner of his eye he could see the expression on Akari's pale face. She obviously was trying to convince him with the pleading spark in her eyes. Most of the time he can say no to her, as he's done in the past many, many times. Yet as of recently, he's found that he's had a bit of a harder time saying 'no' to her. He had no idea why, and he didn't question it all that much. There was a small huff that came from him in annoyance, 'If this is just a waste of time, I'm blaming you.'

'You blame me for everything!' Akari whined like a child with a pouty lip.

Kusuo barely spared her a glance while walking away from her, as if he were superior to her. Which he most certainly believed. 'Because it's usually your fault.'

'Ku-kun!'

Kaido walked down the hallway by himself. Every once in a while he would look over his shoulder as if making sure that no one was following him. Though who would want to follow him around? All they'd see is him running around going on about his Jet-Black Wings persona, which wasn't that special. Though he was being followed, he just couldn't see Kusuo or Akari thanks to the shadow manipulator using the darkness to hide them. So maybe he did have a right to be paranoid since he was actually being followed around. 

Eventually, Kaido crept over to a door in an abandoned hallway. School was already over, so just about everyone should be headed home now. Unfortunately, Kusuo and Akari were not apart of the lucky group who got to go home since they were checking out what Kaido was doing. They watched as Kaido knocked on the door.

"Thurisaz, isaz, hagalaz," a voice asked from within the room.

Kaido answered back in the strange language, "Sowilo, gebo, fehu."

Once again there was a reply, "Ehwaz." Kaido then opened up the door and entered the small room with a table and empty chairs. Though at the head of the table sat a student wearing glasses, a hood over his head, and a bandana around his mouth and nose. Just before the door shut, a shadow slipped through the door just before it closed. The yellow eyes watch the scene from the corner of the room trying to figure out what was happening. The disguised student continued to speak, "You're here. You weren't followed, were you... Jet-Black Wings?"

So there was another kid who was willing to play around in Kaido's fantasy? Maybe Kusuo was right, Akari thought, maybe Kaido did somehow make a new friend...

"It's all right, Jade eyes." The bandaged boy greeted the boy at the head of the table, "I checked."

"Wait!" The other student, Jade eyes, exclaimed, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Kaido gasped, "Oh, right. There's a sacred Barrier around this room. If you don't perform the Chalice Ritual within 66 seconds, you'll be destroyed."

"That's right," Jade eyes nodded, taking this just as seriously as Kaido.

Kaido then hit a few strange poses before clapping twice, "Laguz!"

The atmosphere once again became extremely serious as Kaido sat down at the other end of the table. Akari watched from the corner of the room with her eyes dully glowing. Her shadowy form tilted her head while watching them in confusion. Jade eyes quirked an eyebrow, "Well? Are you still confused?"

"It's not that simple! It's like I'm stuck in a bad dream." Kaido exclaimed, "I was once an A-level soldier in the Dark Reunion. I discovered their true goal, the Human Sorting Plan. I stole the stone of destruction, Panalyze, and escaped. They came after me, but I used the forbidden secret technique to become a phantom, and entered my own body before I was even born. For crying out loud!" Akari blinked at his long explanation. 

Jade eyes deadpanned, "You look pleased."

"I'm not!" Kaido tried to deny though his voice showed how excited he was about this.

The other boy shook his head, "Anyway, it sounds like you've come to believe it." Was there any doubt that Kaido would believe that?

"I always knew I was different from other people," Kaido Shun -- Breed: Different.

Jade eyes continued on with their important meeting, "We need your power in order to destroy the Dark Reunion. We will assist you in recovering your memories."

Kaido tilted his head, "We? What do you mean? What are you saying?"

"There are four more here. All of them are phantoms." Jade eyes explained as if it were the most obvious thing ever. "Don't tell me you can't see them. If you can't, we're done here."

"Of course, I can!" Kaido frantically explained, "I was asking about their bodies."

"I see," the boy said with a small bit of skepticism in his voice, "That's right. Their bodies aren't here. The other members don't trust you yet."

"Really?"

"Speaking of which," Jade eyes spoke up, "did you perform the Sworn Friendship Purification?”

"I sure did," Kaido held up a notebook and handed it over to the other boy. Akari tried to get a peek into the book to see what was in it. Though it was kept close to their chests so she didn't even get to see once glance as to what was in it.

Jade eyes flipped through the pages of the book with wide eyes, "These answers are excellent. As expected for the Jet-Black Wings." Kaido puffed up in confidence, now that Jade eyes had built up his ego just a bit more. "They will surely accept you into their circle."

"Really? I'll do anything..."

"Get down!" Jade eyes suddenly shouted before making some hand signal, "Mannaz, ingwaz, wunjo!"

Kaido blinked in confusion, "What happened?"

The bandana-wearing boy turned to him dramatically, "The Dark Reunion sniffed out this place. We just got attacked."

"Attacked?" Kaido shouted out in alarm at the fantasy-level threat. Of course, there was no real threat that Akari or Kusuo could see. The only threat was how easily Kaido was falling for this. We love this boi, but he really is a moron sometimes.

"They got all four members," Jade eyes exclaimed.

Kaido gasped, "Even though they were phantoms?"

"Even though they were phantoms!" Jade eyes nodded, "We're in danger now. Help me make a stronger sacred barrier."

Kaido nodded his head, more than ready to help keep Dark Reunion away from their secret meeting. "Okay. What should I do?"

Jade eyes threw a bag onto the table, "Metal interferes with the sacred barrier. Take any metal you have on you, and put it in that bag made from a special cloth."

Without any question, Kaido started to do as instructed. Akari could already tell that this was nothing but a scam. She felt so bad that Kaido couldn't see it. His eighth-grade syndrome was so severe, that he couldn't even see what he was being played, how unfortunate. "Coins too?"

"Of course." Jade eyes said as Kaido pulled out any metal objects in his pocket. For some reason he had a harmonica and brass knuckles in his pocket... why? Jade eyes then exclaimed, "There's no time! Just put your whole wallet in there." Once Kaido's pockets were thoroughly empty of everything that was valuable, Jade eyes then walked over to him, "Okay! Now do what I do."

Kaido nodded his head, "Got it."

"Ansuz, jera!" Jade eyes shouted while hitting a pose that honestly reminded Akari of a k-pop band that she saw a while ago.

Kaido repeated, "Ansuz, jera."

Jade eyes hit another pose, "Ehwaz."

"Ehwaz."

It was silent for a moment. Nothing happened while Akari and Kusuo stared at the two bordley. For a moment, they shared a look with one another at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

The two then let out a sigh of relief, "Looks like we managed to do it."

"That was close," Kaido wiped his brow as if that was exhausting. 

"You should go now."

Kaido was more than happy to have the Jet-Black Wings help a comrade with defeating Dark Reunion. Though he did need his things back, "Okay. Can I have my money back?"

Jade eyes shook his head, "No can do. The sacred barrier is unstable. It's too dangerous."

Kaidou deflated, "But my wallet and my pass..."

"Thanks for your help. I could have died without you." Jade eyes cut him off, "That's our Jet-Black Wings. You're our savior."

"It wasn't a big deal," this Jade Eyes kid really knew how to stroke Kaidou's ego. One mention of the Jet-Black Wings helping save someone, playing right into his fantasy, and Kaidou would do just about anything to gain that validation again. It was kind of sad how this guy was playing Kaido so easily.

Jade eyes then pushed Kaido out the door, "Come again this time tomorrow." He shut the door in the blue-haired boy's face, "And don't forget the Sworn Friendship Purification."

"Sure," Kaido nodded his head before waddling off into the distance. Even while still in the room, Akari could tell that Kaido was more than elated with having someone else to play along with his fantasy as he most likely had a bit of pep in his step.

Now alone, or at least he thought so, "Jade eyes" pulled off his disguise with a hearty laugh, "Talk about delusions of grandeur!" He laughed, "This is just a book for homework. All I had to do was play along with him. He even handed over his wallet." While his plan was full-proof, he didn't even account for the super-powered teens who would be annoyed that he had played a trick on their... acquaintance.

'That's just straight-up mean.' Akari thought darkly as she and Kusuo continued to hide in the room while listening to the boy. Kusuo stuck himself on the ceiling out of sight while Akari stuck to the wall in her shadowy form. All this guy had done was play along with Kaido's fantasy to get what he wanted from him. How horrible did you have to be to do such a thing? Of course, Kaido fell for it so easily, all he really wanted was a friend to play along with him! So his moronic nature was susceptible to being taken advantage of by those who were willing to play him.

"The Dark Reunion? Good luck working on my homework!" The boy cackled in delight. His obvious enjoyment with having deceived Kaido was certainly pissing Akari off so much. She doesn't usually get involved with things like this since she had barely any friends. However, to know that someone as stupid and naive as Kaidou was being taken advantage of was rightfully making her angry. His joyous emotion disappointed once the lights suddenly turned off on him. "Did the power just go out?"

'No.' Kusuo said mentally as he suddenly appeared behind the imposter, 'It's Dark Reunion.' The shadows in the room seemed to grow thicker, like oil, and spilled across the floor as if it were paint. It slowly inched closer and closer to the deceiving teen as a pair of glowing yellow eyes glared down at him from within the inky darkness. The boy then screamed in terror.

The next day, Kaido made it his mission to find Kusuo as soon as he could. He was more than excited to bring his friend to the meeting, which was obvious from how his thoughts were only thinking about the meeting. Eventually, Kaido was able to corner Kusuo, "Saiki, you're coming with me to our secret meeting?!"

Kusuo grimaced through just followed after the other boy. 'I'd rather not.' He could already tell that Akari would want to go, so he'd have no choice. That and if he didn't, she may end up taking his coffee jelly privileges from him. He would certainly not sacrifices getting to eat the Watanabe coffee jelly. It was one of the best coffee jellies he's ever had. Though don't tell Akari that, she might just tease him for it. 

Speaking of the shadow manipulator, she suddenly appeared at Kusuo's side. Well, to Kaido it looked as though she suddenly materialized out of nowhere, but she's been there the entire time. "Can I come as well, Kaido-san?"

Kaido jumped and started to stutter. "A-Ah, Watanabe-chan!"  Even in her presence, his cheeks were starting to turn just a light shade of pink. While Akari was quite a cute girl, she wasn't necessarily on the level of goddess-like beauty as Teruhashi, though that didn't mean she couldn't affect people to some extent. Akari was at least somewhat aware of how she could fluster some people just by looking at them, but she didn't care enough to exploit that or anything. Besides, it rarely happened because she never really grabbed attention because of her power. "O-O-Of course you can come with! I would be b-best to show you to k-keep you safe from Dark Reunion!"

Akari nodded her head as Kaido started to lead the pair down the hallway towards the room that he had been in the other day. "Don't tell anyone yet. This affects the whole world.” They approached the door and found that it was slightly ajar, “What? It's open.” The teens entered the room and found that the room was trashed with the table overturned and curtains torn. “What's going on?” A certain marking on the wall then caught Kaido’s attention causing him to gasp, “That's the mark of the Dark Reunion. Are they following me even now?"

Behind him, Akari and Kusuo shared a look with each other, "Correct."

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[maniculum]

The College of Grotesque Arts -- Week Four and a Half

For new people, I'm doing the Dungeon23 megadungeon project, basing each room on the marginalia of a different page in the 14th-century Luttrell Psalter. Previous entries in this project can be found here.

Posting this one separately since it’s the end of the month. So this post is finishing Level One, and Week Five will be the start of Level Two. Since the level is being completed, I’ll also be appending a random encounter table. (And that doors table I mentioned a while ago.)

Content below the cut.

Room 1.29: f.27r

This room also has a lot of bones in it, but unlike the leopard and lion rooms, these bones aren’t just here as leftovers — they’re enrichment. Like a meat pumpkin. The Caretakers actually occasionally move bones from other rooms into this one. They’re piled up all around the walls. There’s a noticeable overabundance of human skulls; in fact, if I ever go back and edit this whole mess, I’ll be sure to note that all the dead explorers on this level are missing theirs because they’re here. Why? Well.

Meet the banspreck. You might think this is another case of Bonus Face Syndrome, but in fact the red face on top is the only one it has. The brown thing on the left is a human skull. The banspreck has two legs, a tail, and a long tentacle that it uses to manipulate bones. Skulls, by preference. When the banspreck inserts its tentacle into a skull, it is able to use its innate necromancy to cause the skull to animate and speak. 

Superficially, this appears to function something like speak with dead, but… chattier. The skull will talk about its life experiences and opinions at length, unprompted, and respond to questions as if it contained the soul it had in life. This is a ruse. The magical effect is just faking human speech, and if you hold a long enough conversation with it, you’ll notice it starting to contradict itself because it doesn’t actually remember what it said before. A bit like talking to an AI. The only consistency is that it seems to have a positive attitude, especially towards the banspreck — it attempts to give the impression that the banspreck is something like a harmless pet and the skull is the one in charge. (It doesn’t hide the fact that the banspreck’s necromantic ability is what makes the skull move, but instead suggests that the banspreck takes direction from the skulls it animates rather than the other way around.)

Possible narrative to be pitched by the skull: So this critter here was made by the wizards as a possible way of escaping death, and has some inherent necromantic talent. But since it couldn’t find the wizards’ remains, it ended up just grabbing my skull when the Caretakers brought some bones in here for enrichment. Recognized it as a wizard’s skull, just not the right wizard’s skull. So now I’m kind of riding this thing around as a disembodied skull, which isn’t super convenient, but better than being dead, right? If you could help me get out of here and figure out a better option, I did leave some estates behind and I bet at least some of it’s still around…

The idea is that this curious situation will prompt anyone entering the room to drop their guard and approach the skull to speak with it & figure out what exactly is going on. (The skull will try and encourage this by taking on a friendly attitude and seeming vaguely uncomfortable about any weapons the PCs have out.) If the PCs can be maneuvered into the right tactical situation, they will discover that this whole puppet show is a hunting behavior. 

Another of the banspreck’s innate necromantic talents is the ability to animate nearby bones without the use of material components; it uses this to stock its lair with minions. When it feels the time is right, the bones around the walls will spring into action to ambush the PCs and block the exits. (Use any skeletal undead for this purpose, of a number and CR sufficient to be a genuine threat or possible TPK.) The PCs may have encountered these before; the banspreck occasionally sends them out to scout for food when it’s feeling peckish. These scout skeletons usually ignore the other critters in the dungeon; the banspreck is adapted to and prefers the meat of sapient humanoids. The feedings it receives from the Caretakers are enough to sustain it, but do not satisfy its hunger for humanoid flesh. Here are some stats — the banspreck is the most dangerous beaſt on this level (Caretakers excepted), so if the others have been a real threat to the PCs you might want to tone this one down.

Banspreck: CR 7, XP 3200; Medium Aberration; Init +1; Senses Darkvision 60ft; Perception +3; Auras Desecrating Aura

DEFENSE: AC 20, touch 11, flat-footed 19 (+1 Dex, +9 natural); hp 122 (9d8+81); Saves Fort +12, Ref +6, Will +11 Defensive Abilities Channel Resistance +2 DR 5/- SR 22 Immunities Aging

OFFENSE: Speed 30 ft.; Melee kick +8/+3 (1d3+2)

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 9; Save DC 15 + spell level) At Will: Ray of Enfeeblement, False Life, Ghoul Touch; 3/day: Vampiric Touch, Bestow Curse, Enervation; 1/day: Animate Dead, Waves of Fatigue, Create Undead. Special Attacks Channel Negative Energy (5d6, DC 17/23)

STATISTICS: Str 10, Dex 12, Con 20, Int 4, Wis 16, Cha 21; Base Atk +6; CMB +6; CMD 17; Feats Extra Channel (x3), Improved Channel, Selective Channeling; Skills Bluff +14 (skull only); Special Qualities Aberration Traits

SPECIAL ABILITIES:

Channel Negative Energy (Su): A Banspreck can release a wave of negative energy.  This energy can be used to heal undead or cause damage to living creatures (but not both).  A Banspreck heals or causes 5d6 damage to each creature of the type selected in a 30-foot radius centered on the Banspreck.  A Banspreck can channel energy 10 times per day.  Creatures damaged by the energy gain a will save (DC 17, or 23 inside Desecration) for half damage.  This is a standard action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

Desecrating Aura (Su): A Banspreck has a 30-foot radius desecration spell in effect which functions as if centered on a shrine of evil power.  Undead within this radius (including the Banspreck) gain a +2 profane bonus on attack and damage rolls and saving throws, as well as +2 hit points per die, and the save DC of channeled negative energy is increased by 6 (these adjustments are already included in a Banspreck's statistics block). This aura can be negated by dispel evil, but the Banspreck can reactivate it on its turn as a free action.  A desecrating aura suppresses and is suppressed by consecrate or hallow; both effects are negated within any overlapping area of effect.

Manipulate Skull (Su): A Banspreck can manipulate a skull in such a way that it appears to speak as though its soul has been called back into it. Its Bluff skill represents its ability to make this speech convincing through instinctual use of magic.

In a fight, the banspreck will rely on its skeletal minions at first and stay out of range of the PCs. It may take this time to cast false life — repeatedly, if it doesn’t think it’s needed in the actual fight. If the PCs seem able to resist the skeletons, it will start to use its ability to channel negative energy to heal its minions — or, occasionally, to hurt the PCs. If the PCs continue to put up a fight, it will bring its spell-like abilities into the fight. It only resorts to its actual physical attacks if absolutely necessary. If the banspreck is killed, the undead all de-animate.

If the PCs manage to escape, the undead will pursue them for a short while, but if it doesn’t appear that the PCs can be cornered or trapped, they will eventually give up and return to the banspreck’s lair.

The banspreck is a unique creature — i.e., it doesn’t reproduce and its necromantic talents keep it from aging, so there’s only the one. If it’s slain (which it has been a few times, by previous explorers), then a week later, one of the skulls it manipulated while alive will hatch like an egg and a juvenile banspreck will emerge, growing to adulthood over the course of a few years. Kind of like a combination between a lich and a phoenix.

Room 1.30: f.27v

This high-ceilinged room is inhabited by a flock of naddermice.

Snake bodies, mouse heads, bat wings. You may as well just treat them as odd-looking bats, though they can be Part Plant if you want. If you want them to be dangerous, perhaps they bite, and that bite could be a vector for disease. Or maybe they’re just chill. I dunno man, I’ve had a rough day and this page is giving me nothing.

Room 1.31: f.28r

Okay, that’s better. This page has plenty of stuff, but most of it is ruled out by my avoid-human-faces policy. Check this guy out, though:

Wild, right? He’s not here.

Anyway, the actual room. It’s large, with an unfinished dirt floor.

Burrowed into the floor are dozens of aesolls. An aesoll looks like a distorted, front-heavy, blue worm with a wide mouth. Kind of like a short, land-bound gulper eel. (Or “pelican eel”, as Wikipedia informs me I am meant to call them.) Folded up inside that “mouth”, however, are three appendages: two little grabby hands and a serpentine neck topped with a donkey-like head. When they are in their burrows, as they probably will be when the PCs enter, the worm-like body is entirely hidden, and the only thing visible to an observer is the occasional head or arm poking out to check on things.

This species has escaped to the world outside the dungeon (by, you know, burrowing), so a PC with Knowledge(nature) will recognize them. They’re considered pests in Ller Tul, as they consume plants fairly ravenously, and have a very inconvenient habit of using those little hands to grab at anything that passes by their burrows. In inhabited areas, they often breed in garbage dumps: they’re thoroughly omnivorous and eat pretty much any organic matter they can get their hands on. Like raccoons. They’re not hugely likely to try and eat a person, but they would if they could. 

Aesoll: CR 1, XP 400; N Diminutive Animal; Init +0; Senses Low-Light Vision; Perception +7

DEFENSE: AC 14, touch 14, flat-footed 14 (+4 size); hp 9 (2d8+0); Saves Fort +3, Ref +3, Will +0

OFFENSE: Speed 10 ft., burrow 10 ft.; Melee bite +3 (1d2-2) , 2 claws -2 (1d1-2); Space 2-1/2 ft.; Reach 2-1/2 ft.

STATISTICS: Str 6, Dex 10, Con 11, Int 2, Wis 10, Cha 8; Base Atk +1; CMB -5; CMD 5; Feats Alertness; Skills Perception +7

Tables

I can't figure out how to insert a table on Tumblr, so these are going to have to be in image form unless someone can tell me how to do it better.

Doors

The Doors table is pretty basic. If you have access to one you prefer, I suggest using that instead. This is just a bare-bones thing so I don’t have to pontificate on the nature of every friggin’ door in the dungeon. Note: if a door is specified as having a trap or other effect attached, you should assume that door is intact, and reroll if you get “absent”.

Random Encounters

Here’s the random encounter table for Level One. I recommend rolling on it frequently; since most of the results are more flavor than threat, using it often should help make the dungeon feel alive without making every moment a danger. It’s intended that you roll on it when your party enters a new passage, or the passage turns and a new section becomes visible, or if they stay in the same location for an extended period.

Note that if the PCs camp in the dungeon at night, they have a 100% chance of encountering the Caretakers doing their rounds.

Map

Here’s the map for the whole level, done digitally to clean it up a bit. I thought of using one of those dungeon-tile sets, but wasn’t sure which would be the best choice, so I just… didn’t. If anyone has recommendations for what to use, let me know! I’d love a recommendation.

And there’s the first level. Isn’t it nice? Yes it is. It’s also 44 pages long, not counting the images and tables because I don’t put them in until I copy/paste onto the blog. Also not counting the stuff on the surface, because when this started getting long I decided each level was getting its own document to keep the word processor from lagging later in the year when, if trends continue, this thing will be the size of a friggin’ book. I have a problem.