#completely different field yes but it's something that interests me and will likely get me a stable decently paid job afterwards so

[genderjester]

Sounds stupid but i am kinda excited to look for a different job in november

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 23: Regrets

Summary: Depression: a common mental health condition characterized by a low mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time. 

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 9,940

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, angst, mental illness, depression, very heavy emotionally, angst, Johnny gets his feelings hurt (but only for a moment), angst, everyone is having big emotions, Bella Swan-esque sad montage, angst, kissing, slight suggestive content, angst

A/N: Did I completely rewrite part of this during the editing process? Yes. Are you going to thank me for that? Also yes. I'm trying something a bit different with this chapter, so let me know what you think. It probably won't be a regular thing, but I just thought I'd give it a test and this chapter was the perfect time to do that.

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They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. 

They’re right. There’s a hole in your chest, an empty void. The squeaking of your shoes on the tiles sounds far away as you numbly walk back towards your room. 

“Ye alright, kitten?” Johnny asks cautiously as you pause in front of your door long enough to turn the handle.

You turn to look up at him, his brows pinched and his eyes shining with concern. “He's gone.” Your voice cracks and shakes, breaking over the words like you're speaking the finality of the situation. 

You are. 

“I know.” Johnny reaches out, his fingers wrapping around your arm. “I wish there had been more warning, but this is usually how his solo assignments go.” 

You swallow thickly. “He'll come back, right?”

Johnny grimaces. “Ye know I can't promise that. But, there's no one quite as capable in the field as him, except maybe Price.” Johnny squeezes your arm gently. “He’s been doing this for a long time, kitten. Have faith in that, and his skills.” 

Johnny’s words do nothing to help the turmoil inside you, the fear and anxiety. One split second mistake, one wrong decision and you know it could be over. Everything could be over before it even started. Why didn’t you confront him sooner? Why didn’t you pick up on his true feelings, his emotions as quickly as he seemed to decipher yours? It’s not fair that they can be taken from you so easily and so quickly. There’s no room for argument, no room for any begging or pleading for them to stay. They have a job, and they’ll always choose that job over you. 

“Ye gonna be alright?” Johnny asks, letting his hand fall from your arm as you push open your door, entering your room before closing it in immediately, clicking the lock into place. You lean against the door for a moment, biting your lip to try and stop the tears as you begin to shiver from the dampness of your clothes. 

You leave your shoes in a pile next to the door before you pad silently to your bathroom, stripping off your clothes once you hit the tile. You’re shivering, a cold chill starting to seep into your very bones as you start the tub, letting it fill with water. The tears blur your vision, dripping into the steaming water as you sink into the bath. You can’t stop the tears as you sit there, not caring how hot the water is, not caring how it makes your skin feel like it’s on fire. You’ll take the pain, the discomfort. Anything to ease the pain that’s ripping your chest wide open.

It hurts, he won’t lie, when you close the door in his face. Well, it wasn’t entirely in his face. He was a foot away from the door, but it still causes a little ache in his chest, a little upset in his mind that you just cut him off like that. The click of the lock is like a finality, the gavel falling on your decision to distance yourself for now. 

The rejection of his offer for comfort has his beta stirring uncomfortably in his mind. Tears fill his own eyes as he stares at the handle of your door, wishing he could reach out and grab it, fling it open and take you into his arms and hold you until you stop crying, until the pain of Simon’s sudden absence goes away. 

“Come on.” John says quietly, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “Give her some time.” 

He lets John lead him away from your door and back towards the rec room. He shouldn’t be so hurt by your abrupt dismissal. You were quite obviously upset, upset enough to run out into the rain after Simon. He saw you race out the door, his stomach clenching in worry, but thankfully the rain had forced most inside. There was little threat to you, not with Simon there, but he had been worried you might not be able to catch him, that you might run blindly into the rain to try and find him. 

He had spotted the tears trailing down your cheeks as you walked back to the barracks, mixing with the rain that soaked straight through you. He’s used to his alpha having to leave suddenly, the distance and the worry are second nature now thanks to their jobs, their lifestyles. You’ve never been through this before with him, though, and so soon after the two of you were finally beginning to give in. It’s like a curse. They begin to get close to you, and then suddenly they’re ripped away. 

He almost feels guilty, like he’s responsible for your pain. If he hadn’t forced it, if he hadn’t put you both in that position, maybe you wouldn’t be so upset. He couldn’t have known, though, that Simon would be called away like that. It could happen at any time, they all know that. They always have to be ready, always have to be prepared to be called out. Even on leave they can’t guarantee there won’t be an emergency. It’s just the nature of their job. 

It wouldn’t have bothered any of them before you. 

“She didn't take it well, did she?” Kyle says as John guides Johnny to sit on the couch next to him. 

“Christ, she's so upset.” Johnny says, leaning his head in his hands. “If I hadnae pushed them, then this wouldn't have happened.” 

“You couldn't have known this was going to happen.” Kyle says, squishing Johnny between him and John to try and comfort the upset beta. 

“We didn't even know until a couple of hours ago.” John says, draping his arm across the back of the couch.

“If she's this upset at one of us leaving...how upset was she when we all left?” Johnny says, his stomach churning at the thought. No wonder you were so shaken when they came back. 

“The best thing we can do right now is leave her alone and let her do what she needs to do.” John says, pulling Johnny so he's resting against his chest. “She'll come out when she's ready.” 

The afternoon comes and goes, the rain slowing to a light drizzle. You still haven’t left your room, sealed inside, secluded from them. Johnny casts the closed door a wistful look every time he walks down the hallway, half tempted to try the knob and see if it’s been unlocked, but he stops himself. The last thing you need is to be scared by someone trying to get in. John is right. You’ll come out when you’re ready. 

John knocks on your door as they get ready to head to dinner, waiting a moment for some type of response. “We’re going to dinner, sweetheart.” He says through the door when there’s no answer to his knock. “Do you want us to bring you something?” 

There’s a quiet noise from your room, some muffled response to John’s question.

“We’ll be back soon.” John says, somehow able to make out what it is you said. Or maybe his plan was to bring you something regardless of whether you agreed or not. 

It feels strange, just the three of them walking to the mess. It’s not the first time they’ve gone just the three of them, but it feels different this time. It’s not Simon’s missing presence that weighs so heavily, it’s yours. 

There’s a tenseness that’s settled over them as they sit at the table, avoiding eye contact with each other.  Simon’s empty space at the table wouldn’t have felt so much like an empty chasm if you had been there to fill some of it. 

They’re not sure what to do, the feeling similar to what they felt upon their return. They knew it would be bad, but they hadn’t expected you to be in shambles like you were. Their pack mate is hurting, their omega is hurting, and there’s nothing they can do. They don’t know what to do. Johnny wants to kick in your door, rush into your room and envelop you in a hug so tight you’ll complain that you can't breathe. He just wants to help you, but that’s not what you want, what you need right now. 

He knows it’s his beta instincts, his need to comfort and soothe and support. If Kyle is feeling the same way, which Johnny knows he has to be, he’s hiding it well. Though, perhaps that’s just for his sake and John’s. He can’t even imagine what John is going through, knowing his omega is suffering in such a way. 

All because Simon is gone. 

How easily one missing piece could tear the pack apart. If something happened to one of them, or god forbid something happened to you, they might not be able to recover. They had always assumed their training would win out, that they could move past it in the way they would had there been nothing but the bonds of camaraderie between them. 

How silly that idea had been. 

It’s no secret death disrupts pack stability, shakes the bonds that tie a pack together. He remembers how his Grannie’s death had shaken his family for weeks and it had taken months to return to what could be considered normal after a partially expected death of a member of the pack. What kind of damage would an unexpected and sudden death do to a pack? 

Johnny shakes the thought from his head. There was always a risk. They all knew that, they all agreed to that when they signed up. He knows Simon is highly skilled, well accustomed to working alone, to completing solo assignments successfully. The risk of something happening was always high, but he trusts Simon and puts faith in his skills. 

John goes back through the line once they finish, making a tray for you and piling it high as usual. It always makes him happy to see how well cared for you really are. Despite the circumstances of you being added to their pack, he knows it could have been so much worse. There’s worse packs, worse alphas out there. At least with them, you’re an equal. You’re their precious omega, and they’d make anyone who threatened you regret that decision. 

John is surprised the handle turns when he tries it. You’ve gotten up at least, but he’s not surprised to find you back in the same place you’ve likely been all day. He closes the door behind him before moving to your bed, setting the tray of food down on your nightstand. You squint as he flicks the lamp on, reaching up to rub your eyes. The bed dips as he sits on the edge, a quiet sigh leaving his lips. 

“I know this is hard for you.” He says softly, brushing his fingers across your bare arm. Your skin is warm, likely from being burrowed under the blankets. “I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now.” 

“He's gone.” You say quietly, your voice hoarse from crying. 

“Just for a while.” He says. “He’ll be back.” 

“But you can’t promise that.” You argue, pushing yourself up to sit. Your cheeks are still damp with tears, eyes red and lips still trembling. 

“There’s always a risk,” He says softly. “But you have to trust Simon. He’s not going down without a fight.” He sighs quietly as your gaze drops to your hands, your fingers picking at the skin around your fingers. He slips his hand into yours, stopping you from continuing. “What’s eating you?” 

“I should have told him.” You sniffle, your eyes on his hand as your fingers close around it. . 

“Told him what?” He prods gently, curiously. 

“That I love him.” You say, lifting your gaze to look at him. “I should have said it but I didn’t and now what if he doesn’t come back? I love all of you, and I don’t want you to leave, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.” The words end in a sob, tears sliding down your cheeks again. 

Your words take him by surprise. It’s no secret how they feel about you, how their feelings have grown from curiosity to companionship to attraction and now to love. All of them have come to love you in their own ways, even Simon in his resistance wasn’t immune to his feelings, to their shared feelings towards you. 

“Look at me.” He cups your face gently, his thumbs wiping the falling tears. “I wish things didn’t have to be this way, I wish they hadn't picked us to be first for this. It's not fair to you, it's not fair to put you through this. I wouldn't change having you as my omega, but forcing you to live like this, to be left behind with the worry over something none of us can control.” He shakes his head. “It was a selfish decision by those who created the initiative.” 

“What...what happens if the initiative fails?” You ask softly. 

“We’re not giving you up.” He says, holding your gaze. “We wouldn’t want to, and we wouldn’t let it happen. You’ve been part of this pack since the day you stepped foot on this base. We wouldn’t have let you go then, and we sure as hell won’t now.” 

Your breathing is shaky as you stare at him, and he can see the wheels turning in your head, the hesitation as you debate whether you want to speak. He hates that you still feel this way, that you have to hide your thoughts from them out of fear or worry that they might be angered by them. He’s not sure there’s anything you could say that would anger him. 

“Would you ever leave for me?” You speak the words slowly, hesitantly, like they might bite you if you're not careful. 

He's not expecting it, though he has wondered if you'd ever ask it of them. If it might come to be too much and it leaves you no choice but to ask, to give them the ultimatum. He lets out a breath, all the answers he'd thought up in response gone as he sits face to face with you, as he faces this question out in the open for the first time. Tears are gathering in your eyes as you stare at him, taking his silence as second thoughts, as possible rejection. 

“Please be honest with me.” You whisper shakily, a tear slipping down your cheek. 

He watches its path as it slides down your cheek, pausing at the line of your jaw before it drips down onto your shirt. He lifts his gaze back to yours, the pain in them stabbing straight into his heart. He wants to say yes, that he'd leave in a heartbeat, give up what he'd worked his whole life to achieve, all for an omega. His omega. 

He wouldn't be able to sleep at night, knowing the kind of evils that exist in the world, the kinds of threats that linger in the dark. The evils that may pose a threat to you and his pack. You’ll never be truly safe, not so long as there’s others who know of your existence. Very few of them he’d truly trust with the knowledge that you pose a threat to their efficiency as a team, a weakness that could be exploited. 

What bloody fucking fools they were, leaving you alone like that. 

“Part of me wants to say no,” He admits honestly, ignoring the flash of pain in your eyes. “But it would depend on the situation. If your life was ever in danger because of us, then without question. If the initiative fails, if we can't adjust, then we may have no other choice.”

“The job comes first.” You say quietly, sounding defeated. 

“But there may come a time when it doesn't.” He says, trying to reassure you. “Don't worry about that too much right now.” He brushes a hand over your hair. “If a situation arises, then we'll talk about it further.” 

He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You lean into him, letting out a quiet breath. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly. 

“I love you too.” He says, his lips brushing the top of your head. “And Simon knows how you feel.” 

You shift in his arms, pulling back just slightly to stare up at him. Your brows are pinched as you stare at him. “What do you mean?”

“Simon is very good at reading people. Their scents, their emotions, their body language. Years of training paired with his own natural abilities.” He smiles softly at you. “He knows how you feel.” 

“Oh,” You say, shrinking into yourself. 

“He'll likely convince himself it's not true, knowing him and how he thinks. You'll have to tell him to make him believe it.” He pats your leg under the blankets. “Don't worry too much about him. He'll be back before you know it.” He pushes himself up to stand. “Eat your dinner. We'll be around if you need anything.” 

“John?” You ask, stopping him before he can leave. 

He turns back around to face you. “Yes?”

“Thank you.” You say. “For everything.”

A small smile pulls at his lips. “Of course.”

You're just stepping out of the bathroom when the knock sounds on your door. You had gotten up to rinse your face with cold water, your skin starting to feel tight and itchy after nearly an entire day of uncontrollable tears. You freeze at the sound of knuckles tapping on the wood, your heart leaping into your chest. Is it one of the guys coming to tell you bad news? Has something happened to Simon? 

Or is he coming back already? 

You’re half scared, half hopeful as you make the short journey across your room to the door. You feel like you’re moving in slow motion as your fingers close around the handle, slowly pulling it open. 

Johnny is standing on the other side, his face a mix of worry and sadness. It doesn’t help the despair already starting to manifest in you. Something must have happened to Simon. Something’s gone wrong. He’s not coming back, or they’ll have to leave to help him. 

“Ye doin’ alright, kitten?” Johnny asks, his brows furrowing as he stares at you. 

“Yeah.” You can’t help but wince at the way your voice cracks around the word. You sniffle, wiping at your nose with your sleeve. 

“I have somethin’ for ye.” He says, his hands fiddling with the fabric he’s holding. You hadn't noticed it before now. “I was gonnae do Simon’s laundry, but I thought ye might want this.” 

It’s one of Simon’s shirts he’s holding out to you, one of the black standard cotton t-shirts he often sports. Your fingers tremble as you take it, bringing the fabric to your nose. You don’t care that it’s dirty, having likely been soaked in sweat at one point. You inhale deeply, nose pressed into the fabric. It smells of soap and deodorant and him. Tears well in your eyes as you take in the scent, almost as if you’re getting it directly from the source. 

You’re moving before you realize it, your arms wrapping around Johnny’s middle. He seems almost surprised by your action, his body tensing for a second before it relaxes, his arms wrapping around you. 

“Thank you.” You murmur against his chest, a couple tears slipping from your eyes. You’re so tired of crying, but you can’t stop. 

“Yer welcome, kitten.” He says, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. “Ye need anythin’...” 

He leaves the other half unsaid, but you know what he means. You’re hesitant to pull away from him, wanting to just stand there and cling to him until Simon returns, but you know he’s busy. Eventually he’ll have to leave you too. You’re not sure you could handle watching him leave your nest, close your door behind him as he’s forced away to do his job. 

Your door clicks as you shut it, holding Simon’s shirt to your chest. You’re tempted to wear it, to slip it over your head and bathe yourself in your scent, but you know if you do that, his scent will just fade faster and become overwhelmed by your own. The desire to bury yourself in it is strong, let his scent sink into your body and overwhelm your own. 

Your eyes pass over the giant bear sitting in your desk chair before snapping back to look at it. An idea begins to form in your head as you set the shirt on your bed. 

You grab the bear, hauling it to your bed and sitting it on the edge. You pull the shirt over its head, stretching the neckline slightly. The shirt is slightly baggy on the bear, but you don’t care as you maneuver it so it’s laying on the bed, trying to picture Simon in its place. It would be a tight squeeze, but then again it always is with any member of your pack. Their bodies don’t leave much space on the narrow mattresses by themselves, much less with you curled up with them. You can’t help the stirring in your chest, the yearning for more space, for a bed big enough to fit all of you at the same time. Big enough for Johnny to starfish himself comfortably, for you to escape the inescapable suffocating heat of their bodies that will build up inevitably. 

Tears burn behind your eyes as you crawl onto the mattress, draping yourself across the giant bear. Simon’s scent wafts up around you as you press your face into the shirt, pretending it’s Simon you’re laying against. You can almost feel his arms wrap around you, holding onto you like you might disappear if he lets go. You squeeze your arms tighter around the bear, letting Simon’s scent seep into your mind and take away your fear and your worry and your pain for a little while. 

It’s two days later when you finally leave your room. You’ve managed to stop the onslaught of tears, calming down enough to exist without being a weepy mess. There’s still an ache in your chest, though, the gaping hole that won’t close. A piece of you is missing, a piece you hadn’t even noticed was there until it was ripped out of you suddenly and violently. Your hug with Johnny had been the first time it had felt less intense, the aching abating just slightly. 

They’ve just returned from their afternoon training, earlier than usual meaning they have some downtime before dinner. You can almost tell where he is before you leave your room, following the sounds of the TV. Your steps are slow and quiet, the cold tile biting into your bare feet as you approach the rec room. 

He’s seated on the couch, spread out as usual. His eyes flicker to you as you hesitate in the doorway, tugging at the hem of the baggy shirt you’re wearing. You’ve long forgotten whose it is, the name on the tag worn off and all hints of scent erased by the many times you’ve worn and washed it. The thought tugs at the hole in your chest. Eventually Simon’s shirt won’t smell like him anymore, faded and rubbed away by time and your own scent. 

“Hi kitten,” He says, breaking the silence between you. 

You let out a shaky breath before entering the rec room, approaching him. You can tell he’s expecting you to sit next to him, to curl up against his side by the way he moves his arm, but instead you straddle his lap, all but throwing yourself against his chest. He grunts quietly in surprise, his arm instinctively wrapping around your back. You lay your head on his shoulder, going limp in his hold. 

It doesn’t fix the hole, doesn’t remove the ache entirely, but you can feel it start to lessen as you sit there, getting as close to Simon as you possibly can through his beta. You wrap your arms around his neck, fingers twisting the fabric of his shirt. He wraps his other arm around you, holding you tightly as his scent begins to project around you. Nothing is said, but nothing has to be. He knows what you need, and he doesn’t even have to use his instincts to figure it out. 

A week goes by without a word from Simon or even about him and how he’s doing. You return to your normal routine in a numb, almost dazed state. You follow the rest of your pack around like a lost puppy, going to meals and following them to training when John allows, withdrawing back to your room like a recluse when you can’t. You sit in the rec room with them in the evenings, but you feel far away, distant from them and reality. You stare at the TV, but all you can see are blurry moving shapes. You can’t even read, often finding yourself staring at the cover until the words mesh and blur into something else. 

You never thought the distance could feel like this. You almost miss the fear of them all being gone. At least that had made you feel something. 

You see Dr. Keller twice as usual, both appointments unproductive as you fight to force some kind of life into yourself to drown out the numbness that’s settled. You’re far away, distracted from everything. Even food tastes different, more mushy and flavorless than usual. 

They’re worried about you. Even in your numb state you can tell that. John hovers closer, allowing you to follow them more than he probably should. It’s not like you’re paying much attention to what they’re doing, seated far away from anything that might put you at risk as you stare up at the sky, or off at the trees in the distance. Even when you’re inside, your gaze is far away, never quite focusing on anything. 

Johnny and Kyle keep you close as much as they can, squishing you between them on the couch or when you walk to meals. They’re always touching you, holding your hands, brushing your skin, wrapping their arms around you. They’re trying to comfort you, and it works for a little bit, not even your numbness impervious to a beta’s soothing presence. They hold onto you like they’re trying to keep you grounded to the earth, like you might float off and disappear into space if they don’t. 

You don’t sleep well, electing to sleep in your room every night. It’s a vast difference to what you had been doing, avoiding your room as much as possible. You’re seeking out the safety of your nest, a comfort only it can provide despite everything that’s happened. You feel bad for pushing them away, keeping them at a distance, but at the same time, you don’t care. 

You just want Simon back. 

“I’m worried.” 

“I know. I’m surprised you didn’t come here sooner.” 

He feels strange, sitting in Dr. Keller’s office alone. It’s not the first time he’s been here, spoken to her about you. After their return from their first assignment, he had sat with Dr. Keller and gone over everything that had happened during their absence, or at least as much as she could tell him. Anything you talked about was considered confidential, but at least she could tell him if there were any issues or incidents. 

“She’s depressed.” Dr. Keller answers before he can even ask. “It’s not uncommon for omegas to become depressed after separation. Even when there’s necessary splitting of a pack into a satellite, there’s a risk for all omegas to develop depression because of it.”

He should have known. He’s seen it happen to soldiers, when the blood staining their hands grows to be too much and they begin to recluse in their own bodies, becoming empty shells of who they were before. You’ve become a shell, a body simply existing out of necessity. 

“What can we do?” He asks, unable to keep the mask up, to hide his concern and fear. 

“Not much more than you have been.” She says. “Keep supporting her, reminding her that you’re there. There’s an adjustment when a bond begins to weaken. Omegas are especially susceptible to it, and with how strongly connected and aware of her instincts and emotions she is, it’s going to affect her more.” Dr. Keller sighs, leaning her arms on her desk. “I don’t think anyone has ever taught her how to balance or even use those purebred instincts. Institutes are supposed to, but from what we know, they teach subservience over anything.” 

John shifts in his seat. Of course no one would have cultivated those abilities. It would have made you too aware, made the risk of you being able to manipulate them too high. Your job was to serve them above all else, so why would those teaching you want to give you that ability? Those instincts would have made you a perfect omega, able to pick up on the slightest changes, the needs of your pack. Yet, if you became too aware of your own abilities, it would give you too much power over them. That’s the one thing institutes don’t want...an omega that knows how powerful they are. 

“How do we teach her?” He asks. 

“I can help her with balancing those instincts and emotions, but only someone who knows can really teach her how to be successful at using them.” 

“Simon.” He says, the pieces beginning to come together. 

“If he didn’t know how before, his military training would have cultivated those instincts. That’s why purebreds are so sought after by militaries. Of course, it’s a bit different for alphas and omegas, but you are two sides of the same coin.” Dr. Keller smiles. “She’s smart. She’ll begin to figure it out on her own once she’s aware she can do it. In the meantime, just keep doing what you’re doing. If there’s some way she can talk to him or get in contact with him, that may help alleviate some of the depression.” 

He knows it won’t be likely, but if it will help you, he’s willing to take that risk. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

He stands outside your door, staring at the knob. It’s late, his eyes burning from exhaustion. He’s stressed, not just from the day to day stressors of his job, but your obvious pain and discomfort has been affecting him. It’s affecting all of them. Kyle and Johnny’s times on the course have slowed, their aim is off, and he knows they’re not sleeping well either. 

Even with you beginning to return to your normal routine, your distance from them has proven to affect them more than your presence. Even with you around them, your numbed, absent state has disrupted their abilities to function, to exist as a normal pack. He’s relayed the sudden change to Kate in an attempt to prove his decision not to leave you alone is the right one, and it will help his case should they decide to try and separate you from the pack. 

He can’t think of a reason why they would now. The bonds are too strong. The separation of just one of them has proven to disrupt the bonds between all five of you. He can only imagine how Simon is feeling, being apart from everyone. It’s never bothered him before, but that had been before your presence. If Simon was incapable of fulfilling his duties and performing the task he had been assigned, they would have forced him out of the field and sent him back by now. 

Perhaps your fears were right and Simon isn’t as in love as John thought he was. 

He shakes the thought from his head. He’s seen the way Simon looks at you, the obvious change in his demeanor since your trip to town, the changes that have happened in your demeanor around him. Simon cares for you deeply, more than just as an alpha in your pack. 

He tries the handle of your door, surprised again when it opens. He might have thought you’d start locking it at night again with how much you’ve regressed. Maybe this was your silent plea for help, for comfort, for something other than the emptiness inside you. He slips into the room, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light of your nightlight in the corner. He can’t see you except for your arm tossed around the giant bear. It’s wearing a black shirt, likely the one Johnny had given you. It was a good decision, offering you at least an extension of the missing alpha. 

He approaches the bed quietly, not wanting to startle you. He doesn’t want to climb over you either, but he knows moving the bear will wake you. Perhaps you’re exhausted and sleeping hard enough he won’t disturb you. 

He picks the lesser of two evils, lifting the bear. He curses silently when your body shoots up as soon as the bear slips from your grasp. 

“No!” You shout, almost like an angry child having their toy taken away. It’s a desperate sound, a shocking one, ringing loud in the silence. You’re reaching for the bear, trying to tug it from his hands. 

“Easy, easy.” He says, putting his hand on your arm, your movements slowing to a stop as his touch brings back to reality. “I’m just moving him.” He shifts the bear to your other side, your body rolling to follow it. 

He climbs into the bed, barely managing to fit on the mattress. It’s a tight squeeze with the two of you and the bear, but he’ll manage it. He’s slept in tighter places. He slips an arm under you, the other reaching across you to settle on the bear. 

“Tight squeeze with the three of us.” He says quietly, trying to ease some of the tension. 

“Need bigger beds.” You murmur, voice slightly muffled from where your face is pressed against the bear. 

He chuckles quietly. “I won’t argue with that. Perhaps someday.” 

You shift slightly at his words, obviously not expecting him to continue your conversation from earlier this week. He normally tried to avoid thinking too far into the future. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up for something he might never get to have. Or, at least he used to feel that way. 

Things have changed. 

“I used to think this job would be all I did.” He continues, speaking almost to himself. “I’d never grow old enough to retire. Someday I’d die in the field and that was good enough for me. Then, of course, things changed. Had those three other muppets to worry about.” He slips his arm from the bear to wrap around your stomach. “Then another little muppet got added. Now I’m thinking about a nice little cottage by the sea, big enough for five, with a nice flower garden in the front. Just a short walk to the beach, where we can sit and watch the sun set.” 

“White picket fence dreams.” You say quietly. 

“Or at least the British equivalent of that.” He says, a smile tugging at his lips. 

You shift slightly in his arms, pressing back against his chest as you turn as far as you can. “You mean it?” 

“Of course.” He says, his thumb gently rubbing your stomach through your shirt. “Things have changed. Priorities have shifted, and not just for me.” 

He presses his forehead against the side of your head, breathing in the soft scent of your strawberry body wash and the new vanilla scented shampoo Johnny had gotten you. There’s a faint hint of leather beneath your scent, the smell rubbing off from Simon’s shirt you dressed the bear in. He can almost imagine Simon in place of the bear, both of their arms tangling around you as they surround you and keep you safe from the outside world. Just a moment of peace in the hectic violence and chaos of their lives. 

“John?” You say quietly, pulling him from the edge of sleep that had settled in his mind. 

He hums quietly in response, forcing himself back to consciousness again. 

There’s a moment’s pause, a second of silence, and for a moment he wonders if you’re going to speak at all. “Don’t let go.” You finally say, your voice quiet and broken in the silence. 

“Never.” He says, tightening his hold around you. 

John's phone ringing drags you from the light sleep you had managed to slip into. It hasn't been long since you drifted off you think, but then again, it's hard to tell. It's still dark out, and you're still in the same position. John lets go of you to reach for his phone on your nightstand barely managing to grab it at the awkward angle he’s at. 

His voice is rough with sleep as he answers. “Hello?” 

It's quiet for a moment. You can't hear much aside from a male voice on the other side. You can't tell who it is or what they're saying. 

“Good to hear.” He says, slipping into the Captain again. 

Something stirs in your stomach as you try to listen, try to catch who it is. Just one word, just one hint. 

“I'm sure.” There’s another pause, this one feeling like a lifetime. “I have someone here next to me that would like to talk to you too.”

You nearly elbow John in the stomach in your frantic attempt to turn over. You yank the offered phone from his hand as you lean the top half of your body on his stomach. “Hello?” Your voice wavers as you say it, the emotions beginning to stir within you again. 

There's a second delay before you hear it. “Hello, love.” 

You nearly cry at finally hearing his voice again, the pet name causing a fluttering in your stomach. You've never heard him call you that before. “I missed you.” You finally say, managing to get the words out. 

“That's what I'm hearing.” He says, and you can imagine the lifting of his cheeks under the mask, the slight crinkle of his eyes as he smiles. 

“When will you be back?” You ask. 

“Soon. Won't be much longer.” He says. 

“Be careful.” You say, your breathing shaky. “You better not come back hurt.” You're not sure you could handle it if he came back on a stretcher, or even with a single bandaid. 

“Yes ma'am.” He says seriously, but you can hear the humor in his tone. “I'll try my best.” 

“Good.” You say, wanting to lay there, to listen to him breathing for a while, just so that you know he’s really there, he’s really alright. You know you can’t though, your fingers shaking as you pass the phone back to John. 

He speaks to Simon for a couple more minutes while you lay across his stomach, listening to the rumble of his voice in your ear. Relief is flooding through you after hearing Simon's voice. He's really alright, he's fine, he's coming home. 

“You alright, sweetheart?” John asks after hanging up, his hand coming to rest on your back. 

A thousand words want to come out of your mouth, but you can't get them up past the lump in your throat. “He called me love.” You finally say, replaying the pet name over and over in your head. 

“Did he?” John asks, and you can picture the way his lips turn up in a smile. 

“He's never called me that before.” You say. 

“Well then I'm sure he meant it.” John says. 

You sure hope so. 

It's a week later when you get to stand on the tarmac again, waiting for a plane to land. It's early, the sky clear and the sun just starting to rise over the trees, casting everything in a golden light. It’s so vastly different from how the world had looked when he left, the weather seeming to convey your inner feelings. The rain and darkness a perfect symbol of the dread and pain of him leaving. Now that he’s returning the sun is out and the sky is clear, conveying your relief. You’re beginning to feel again, the ache in your chest beginning to lessen. It’s the most alive you’ve felt since he left. 

You're in a dress today, the yellow sundress that Johnny had bought you. You wonder if he’d done it on purpose, perhaps knowing something you don’t. Despite the sun rising, there’s still a chill in the air, and you had quickly stolen his sweatshirt to cover your bare shoulders. 

You squeeze John's hand as the plane comes in to land, watching it approach in eager anticipation. You're going to hug him tightly, throw your arms around him and refuse to let go until you have no choice. You're going to give him the greeting he deserved weeks ago when they all came back. 

He's like a magnet, halfway down the ramp when you start approaching, moving without even thinking. He's in his full mask, the one with the half skull sewed to it. He looks dangerous and deadly, the true visage of a Ghost, but you approach without fear, without hesitation. Underneath all of it you know there’s Simon, the man you’ve quickly fallen in love with. 

You're ready to hug him, to feel him again, to wrap yourself around him like you could sink right into his body. 

You're not prepared for what he does next. 

One of his hands reaches up, the fabric of his gloves rough on your skin as he grips your chin, his thumb on one side, digging into your jaw, the other four fingers on the other side holding your head still. His other hand pulls his mask up over his mouth, giving you a glimpse of his stubble and chapped lips. 

You don't get to look long as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. 

It's like time freezes as he kisses you, your skin erupting in goosebumps, and it's not from the cold air. You weren't expecting this, your brain trying to catch up, to process that this is really happening, that this is real. 

He tilts your head to the side, deepening the kiss as he leans closer into you. Your hands reach up, closing around the sleeves of his jacket. He's real, he's really here, and he's kissing you. 

The moment likely doesn't last more than 30 seconds, but it feels like forever as his lips move against yours. It might be cliche to say fireworks are going off, but that may have just been the engines of the plane shutting down.  

He finally pulls away from you, his hand still gripping your jaw. You could melt into a puddle right there, his eyes speaking volumes of what's going on in his head. He's done a lot of thinking in his time away. You wonder how many thoughts you've shared over the last two weeks. 

“Should have done that before I left.” He says, his voice rough, but just as you remember. 

Tears prick behind your eyes as you stare up at him. His fingers are digging into your jaw, but you don’t care. He’s here, he’s back, he’s safe, and he just kissed you like you’d wanted to before he left. 

“I wish you had.” You say, as he slowly releases your jaw, his hand brushing your throat before it drops to his side. You let out a shaky breath before throwing your arms around him, holding onto him tightly. 

“What are you doing?” He says, taking you back all those weeks ago to when you hugged him the first time. There’s no confusion in his tone now though, instead there’s an amused lilt to it. 

“Giving you the hug you deserve so you don't get mad at me.” You say, your voice slightly muffled from your face being squished against his chest.

“You think I'd get mad about not getting a hug after kissing you?” He asks, patting your back. 

“Just making sure.” You say, his chuckle reverberating in your ear. 

You don’t release him as he begins to walk to where the others are, keeping your arms wrapped around him tightly. He greets the others, Johnny squishing you between them as he hugs his alpha. You don't care as Ghost's armor digs into your body, it's just a reminder that this is real. He's really here. This isn’t a dream. 

He's really back. 

You sit between Simon and Johnny in the back seat of the car. It's a tight squeeze between the two, but you don't care one bit. Johnny's hand rests on your thigh as John drives back to the barracks. Perhaps you’re still reeling a bit from the kiss, or perhaps it’s Simon’s scent, but you want to push Johnny’s hand higher, hike up your dress and hope Simon gets a peek at what's waiting underneath. You won’t though. You want him to be comfortable. You want your first moments of intimacy to be just the two of you, something special. 

Dread begins to fill you again as the car rolls to a stop outside the barracks. You know what to expect now, having gone through it once before. He’s not truly back, he still has to leave you again. At least this time, you have the others. 

“I'll see you soon.” Simon says, squeezing your arm. 

“Hurry back?” You stare up at him. 

“As fast as I can.” He says, the corners of his eyes crinkling. 

You're tempted to kiss him again, but you don't want to push his boundaries. Sure, he had kissed you, but it could have been a fluke, a one time thing born out of desire and time spent apart. 

You won't care if he never kisses you again. At least you know what it feels like. 

Thankfully he makes the decision for you as he turns his body slightly towards you, as much as he can in the tight space. He lifts the bottom of his mask, leaning down to kiss you again. You purr against his lips, your scent exploding in the car like a smoke bomb. 

Johnny lets out an extensive curse as he fumbles for the door handle, forcing it open in an attempt to escape the sudden onslaught. Kyle is quick to follow, allowing more air in to disperse the intensity of your scent in the confined space. John rolls his window down, lighting a cigar, trying to do anything to keep your scent from going straight to his head. 

You feel giddy and almost proud as Simon places one last soft peck against your lips. You don’t want to let him go, but you know you have to. He’s not quite yours yet. He still has more of his job to do before then. 

Always the job first. 

Your lips are still tingling as you walk into the barracks, your heart still fluttering in your chest. Johnny is staring at you, almost walking sideways. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, your face warming. 

“What?” You ask, finally looking at him. He’s wearing that stupid, smug grin on his face again.

“Been a long time since I've seen him like that” He says, squeezing your arm gently. “Not since his first romp with Kyle.” 

You turn to look at the other beta behind you who simply shrugs. “What can I say? No one's immune to my charm.” He gives you a dazzling smile. He’s not wrong, his smile causing butterflies to flutter in your stomach. 

“Cannae wait to see him glowin’ after his first taste of our sweet omega.” Johnny says, backing you against the wall. 

“Yeah, well, you might be waiting forever for that.” You say, stopping his approach with a hand on his chest. 

He tilts his head at you, his brows furrowing. “What do ye mean, kitten?” 

“I'm not even sure he's going to want that, much less if he'll do it.” You shrug. The thought has been going through your mind despite the kiss in the car. Though he’s kissed you twice, that’s a big leap to make, a leap you might never make. 

Johnny snorts at your response. “Kitten, he's been holdin’ himself back for weeks. He's just worried he may...be too much for ye.”

You give Johnny a look. “I can handle you, can't I?”

Johnny grins. “Aye, but this is...different. He's not gonnae make the first move. If ye want it,” He leans in closer. “Yer gonnae have to do it yourself.”

“Well,” You slip under his arm, nearly making him faceplant on the wall. “Then I best save my stamina for him, then.” 

Kyle laughs, patting Johnny's back. “Set yourself up for that one, mate.”

You peel off Johnny's sweatshirt, adjusting the top of your dress before tossing his sweatshirt to him. “I'll see you both later.” You give them a smirk before turning on your toes, heading back to your room. 

Johnny curses quietly behind you, and you just know his eyes are glued to your ass. 

Johnny’s words replay over and over in your head as you go through your day as usual. Simon had returned to the barracks, going straight to his room to shower. You had been tempted to step into the hallway, to wait for him, but you know he’s not free yet. He still has paperwork to do, which you know from experience that could take a long time. 

Thankfully, that gives you plenty of time to think about what you’re going to do. You're going to have to make the first move, but what if you move too fast? How do you even broach the subject? 

“Hey Simon, welcome back. Would you like to rearrange my guts?” 

“I cried the whole time you were gone, would you like to make me cry for a different reason?”

“Bend me over and fuck me like a real alpha.”

You facepalm at your own thoughts. You could just slowly initiate it. Start with touches, getting closer, more kisses. Leave yourself open to him in hopes he gets the message, that he pushes past that boundary and finally fucks you like he wants to. 

Heat blooms in your stomach, sinking between your legs. You're all worked up and he’s only kissed you twice. Johnny’s words don’t help the fantasies in your mind. He’s scared you won’t be able to handle him. A shiver runs down your spine at the thought. He’s a big man. You know, you’ve felt it before. It’s hard not to, with some of the positions he’s put you in during your training, nothing but those grey sweatpants and his underwear as a barrier. 

You wonder how he'll do it. Bend you over so you won't see his face? Keep the mask on and put you on your back so you can hold eye contact with him? Or will he finally take the mask off, finally let you see his face? 

You assume the others have seen it, so when will it be your turn? 

It’s not until after dinner when you hear footsteps down the hall. Johnny had gotten food for Simon who was still deep in his paperwork when you left for the mess. Despite his absence at the table still, it had felt less gaping, less like a black hole threatening to suck you all in. He’s back, he’s here. Soon he’ll fill that empty space again. 

You try to stop yourself from running out of your room when the steps get closer. You’re not even sure it’s him. You don’t want to disappoint the others if you leave your room so excitedly in the hopes that they’re Simon. So instead, you stay seated on the edge of your bed, staring at your unlocked door. You want him to open it, to step into your room, but you know he won’t. He’s never been in your room. The furthest he’s entered is your doorway. 

You’ll have to make the first move. 

Your stomach nearly leaps out of your body as the boots stop in front of your door. You hold your breath in anticipation, too scared to move, too scared to throw open the door and risk your excitement being too much. You might push him away in your eagerness, but you’re not sure you can hide it much longer. You’d let him bend you over with the door open, hell, you’d let him take you in the hallway. 

One step at a time. One step at a time. 

You repeat it over and over in your head as you push yourself off your bed, moving to the door. He’s not going to knock, he’s going to wait for you to open it, for you to remove that barrier between you. He’s giving you the chance to change your mind, to go back, to call the two kisses enough and draw the line where you want it. 

The doorknob is cold in your sweaty hand as you grasp it, turning it slowly. The gavel is falling, the slow opening of the door marks the finality, the crumbling of the final barrier. There’s no going back. The bond is too strong, the line has been removed completely. 

You stare up at Simon as the door swings as far as it will open. His eye black is gone, washed off in the shower revealing the pale skin underneath. He smells good, cleaner than he had on the tarmac. You can smell it despite the space between you. Under the smell of his generic soap you can pick up his natural scent. Leather and eucalyptus and the musk of alpha. You want to drown yourself in it, rub it all over your skin until your own scent is gone. 

“Hi.” You say, goosebumps forming across your skin from the intensity of his gaze. You’d forgotten how sharp it is, how easily he can peel away your layers as he stares at you. 

“Hi.” He says, his voice rumbling deep in his chest. You’d forgotten how deep it really is, the roughness around the edges harsher than usual, but you expected that. They had all been a bit hoarse after returning from their group deployment. 

You continue to stare at him, lost in his earthy gaze. The hole in your chest has lessened to almost nothing, slowly the bond repairing itself just from the knowledge he's here, he’s standing in front of you. He’s real. 

You clear your throat, smoothing your hands over your dress. His eyes drop, following the movement. “I thought you'd want to rest.” It's the first thing you can think of to say, speechless in his presence. He must be tired. 

“I slept on the plane.” He shrugs. 

“Yeah, but surely a real bed is a relief.” You say. You’d half expected him to retreat to his room, seeking out a comfortable bed. They’re not all that comfortable, but compared to what he probably was sleeping on these last couple weeks, it must feel like heaven. 

“Probably is.” He says, his gaze shifting back to your face. 

You sink your teeth into your lip as you stare up at him. You’re testing the waters, pushing into new territory as the last walls of the barrier crumble around you. “You could go rest.” You say, shifting on your feet, giving him the option to turn away, to change his mind. “I’m sure you missed your bed.” 

He’s still as a statue as he looms in your doorway, his frame filling it easily, making you feel small. “I'd rather relax in yours.”

Your face warms at his words, not expecting him to say that. The warmth pooling in your stomach intensifies, your heart fluttering in your chest. You’re not sure what happened during his assignment, what caused such a drastic change. You want to know what went through his head, what he was thinking about. Did he picture you at night when he got a moment to rest? Was he imagining you there with him, curled up against him? Or was he picturing you in other positions? 

You might never know, just another secret hidden between you. 

A shudder runs through him. You can see it, the slight twitch in his body, his hands closing into fists. He’s responding to you, to your scent. Such power you could hold over him if you were brave enough to try. 

Such power he could hold over you, if he wanted to. 

“You could come in.” You say, taking half a step back in invitation. 

He doesn’t move, still frozen there like a statue. You wonder how he stays so still, but that was probably part of his training. Be as steady as possible while shooting, how to be invisible even in broad daylight. “You're sure?” He finally rumbles out, his foot shifting just a centimeter, but you catch it. 

You shrug. “Why not? You are part of this pack. You could have entered sooner, if you wanted to. I wouldn’t have minded.” 

He hesitates for just a second before moving his foot from the tile and into your room. He pauses there for a moment, watching you, waiting for a reaction. It’s your turn to stay still, staring up at him as he makes the slow transition into your room, venturing into your sacred space, a place he’s never been in before. 

He moves the other foot, taking the first step over that line, pushing himself past that barrier, leaving it crumbling behind him. 

There’s no going back. 

Something shifts inside you as he enters your room, a weight you hadn’t even realized was there lifting off your shoulders. The hole in your chest is gone, the missing piece back in place. All the tumultuous emotions, all the stress and the fear and the anguish is gone. Your room is safe again, complete again with him in it. Tears prick at your eyes as relief floods through you. No one is getting in, no one can get in now, not with him here. You want to hug him, to kiss him again, drag him onto the bed and make him hold you for a while. 

You don’t. You stay still as he takes in your space, his eyes scanning your belongings and your decorations. He’s never truly seen it in the light. The only time he’d stared into it was that morning when you thought maybe someone had broken in, when your fear had fucked with your emotions enough to think they’d truly let someone enter without their knowledge. 

How silly that thought had been. 

His eyes move to your bed, landing on the giant bear wearing his black shirt. Your teeth sink into your lip as you stare at it as well, suddenly thinking you should have removed the shirt, shoving it into your laundry and moving the bear back to your desk. Yet, you want him to see it, want him to see that you tried to comfort yourself in his absence, tried to make a placeholder for him. You won’t need it now, though. Not with the real thing standing in your space. 

He shakes his head as he stares at it, rolling his eyes as he lets out a sigh. “Fucking hell.”

NEXT ->

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[zeawesomebirdie]

Superbat Fake Dating + Identity Porn Rec List

Thanks to @jourquet for asking for this!! I hope you find something here to read!! (And paging @steine-druff as promised!)

These are in no particular order, but generally organised by trope. I tend to read longfic as a general rule, so these recs will reflect that :) the titles contain links to each fic.

Fake Dating

1. A Common Misconception by rotasha; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 91,114 words; 21 chapters; complete

Summary:

When Bruce Wayne comes out, he accidentally becomes the poster child of bisexuality and realizes his lifestyle of sleeping around needs to come to an end. Clark, being the supportive friend that he is, volunteers to pretend to date him for a year.

You know the rest.

This fic has everything that one could want in fake dating: idiots in love, mutual pining, one bed, fake vacations, miscommunication. It also really captures the superbat dynamic of trusting and yes and-ing each other, even when they probably didn't need to be!

(And if you like this fic, any of rotasha's other works are just as good! I've got a few more of them in this list too)

2. over this threshold by orphean; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 59,283 words; 7 chapters; complete

Summary:

'I don't understand how tax evasion relates to you going on a date with, do I need to remind you, Bruce Wayne.'

Clark bit his tongue.

'We're going to get married. It's a tax break, not tax evasion.'

'Are you kidding me.' Lois stared. 'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.'

———

Bruce asks Clark to marry him for tax reasons. Clark, against his better judgment, agrees.

Exactly what it says on the tin. Some highlights include Bruce buying Clark ridiculously expensive suits, Clark taking forever to tell his mom what's going on, and of course the wedding itself which was just delightful, with speeches from Lois, Alfred, and Dick that had me crying.

3. A Rich Man's Game by malicegreres; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 63,942 words; 13 chapters; complete

Summary:

The editorial staff of the Daily Planet, currently owned by Bruce Wayne, is trying to organize a labor union. Clark can't explain to his coworkers why he can't participate without jeopardizing the campaign—or tell Batman why he's been so cagey around him lately. When Bruce finds out what's been going on, Clark recruits him to resolve his conflict of interest in the only way Clark can think of: by pretending to date him.

This fic is truly glorius. Of all the ways Clark could have solved this problem, he chose the most convoluted. And surprise surprise, it works!

4. mission parameters by shipyrds; rated E; no archive warnings apply; 33,394 words; 6 chapters; complete

Summary:

"Bruce." Clark turns towards him, leaning back against a bank of consoles. "We're not actually going undercover. We don't need an elaborate backstory– if anything, it'll be harder to keep straight. It doesn't have to be complicated." He spreads his hands. "Here's a story: we're members of the same elite fighting force. After years of saving each other's lives in the field, we fell in love. That's it."

Bruce swallows past the almost-truth of it. In Clark's warm smooth radio voice, it sounds plausible. It sounds like something that could happen.

—

Bruce and Clark pretend to be married for diplomatic reasons. When they return to Earth, things are a little different.

Of all the things that normally Bruce says, Clark is the one to insist on a simple coverstory. And of course, from such simple things spirals out a whole entire adventure that doesn't stop just because the mission is over! This fic features a domesticity that neither of them knew they needed until they had it

5. tell all the truth (but tell it slant) by susiecarter [@susiecarter on tumblr]; rated M; no archive warnings apply; 33,007 words; 1 chapter; complete

Summary:

It takes a while for Batman and Superman to work things out, once Clark comes back from the dead. Pretending to date each other in order to explain why Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent are in the same place so often? Doesn't help as much as you might think.

*slapping this fic like that one meme with the car* this fic can fit so much miscommunication into it, it's truly delightful to read!! Also, yet another fic where Clark fails to mention what's going on to his mother. And of course the constant worrying about each other without actually expressing it, which is truly such a golden trope when it comes to these two!

I'm adding a cut here because this is already very long and we are still only just starting, so click the read more to see the rest ^.^

6. there ain't no star that shines by amosangius [@amosanguis on tumblr]; rated E; no archive warnings apply; 11,713 words; 1 chapter; complete

Summary:

“I'm not the same person I was back in high school,” Clark says, “and I doubt they all are, either. What would be the point?”

“Oh, Clark,” Bruce is suddenly holding Clark's face with both of his hands, “the point is that I'm going to land us in a helicopter somewhere for all your classmates to see.”

Clark sighs and closes his eyes.

“Say 'yes', Clark,” Bruce orders.

Clark doesn't open his eyes, just says, “Yes, Clark.”

If you thought Bruce buying Clark expensive suits just for their fake dates was excessive, you ain't seen nothing yet!! This fic also features casual bed sharing (and so many references to casual intimacy oh my goodness it's lovely), Bruce Wayne being Rich As Fuck, and Bruce casually being overprotective of Clark in social situations

7. my heart is an open wound by yukla [@yuebings on tumblr]; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 13,367 words; 1 chapter; complete

“—I’ll see you kneel again,” Luthor is hissing, eyes hungry, and Clark is swaying back in discomfort—and as Lois checks their surroundings again, she notices that Wayne is still standing across the room, staring uselessly, as though he believes the sheer force of his murderous gaze would be enough to laser-blast Luthor into oblivion.

Jesus Christ, Lois thinks. I have to do everything around here.

5 times a Daily Planet employee protects Clark Kent, and 1 time Clark Kent protects the Daily Planet.

Or: Clark's coworkers watch as he fake-dates his crush with limited success.

It is probably obvious by now that miscommunication and Bruce's emotions getting in the way of everything are two of my favourite things to read. All of Clark's coworkers are the best, and once again Clark is a self-sacrificing idiot (affectionate)

8. flash in the pan by shipyrds; rated E; no archive warnings apply; 15,951 words; 3 chapters; complete

Summary:

Here’s the thing. Clark does understand. Superman and Batman are fucking. Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne are not. Clark can handle this. He keeps parts of his life separate all the time.

It’s possible, Clark thinks, as he glares at a lurid tabloid cover of Bruce’s latest scandalous yacht party in the grocery store checkout aisle, that he can’t handle this.

—

At the Wayne Foundation's annual holiday party, things come to a head.

Okay there is so much I want to say about this fic and yet there are no words that could possibly express just how incredible it is. Bruce coming up with the worst case scenario for literally everything? Check. Clark agreeing to fake date even though he's majorly head over heels and this will likely end in flames? Check. Ma Kent giving the best relationship advice ever? Check. Dick yelling at Bruce when he tries to self sabotage again? Check. Truly one of the best fucking-but-still-pining fics I've ever read!

9. Operation Sponsalia by Brenda [@brendaonao3 on tumblr]; rated E; no archive warnings apply; 13,610 words; 1 chapter; complete

Summary:

"When did you first realize you were in love with me?"

Bruce coughs up his wine.

"I mean, in this...whatever this is," Clark clarifies, blushing to the roots of his hair. "I don't think you're really — I mean, I know this isn't —"

"It's alright." Bruce's voice is raspy, but steady. "I know what you mean."

Clark's glad one of them does.

Or: Bruce and Clark have to fake an engagement for ~reasons — featuring a metric ton of very romantic dates, enough floral arrangements to start a flower shop, SO MANY puns, and Clark finally getting to know the real Bruce. :D

Clark doesn't find out that Bruce said to the press that they had been dating long enough to be teasing enagagements until after it's already been said. Was there a better way to explain why Bruce just happened to help save the Kent family farm? Absolutely. And yet they follow through on it anyway, and I love it for them

10. Sham-pagne by ChrisLeon; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 8,248 words; 1 chapter; complete

Summary:

Superman is spotted visiting Wayne Manor, prompting speculation about how exactly he knows Bruce Wayne. To protect their secret identities, they need a plausible explanation and it seems easy enough to go along with the tabloid theory that they’re sleeping together. All they have to do is pretend to be in a relationship until the speculation dies down and then they can break up move on.

Or: Superman fake-dates Bruce Wayne, we all know how this ends.

This one was fascinating to me because instead of Clark and Bruce dating, it's Superman and Bruce dating, and let me just say I'm so incredibly hinged about it!! I think there is so much potential in that particular version of their dynamic, and this fic was such a beautiful exploration of it!

11. Speaking in Code by Mithen; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 7,459 words; 1 chapter; complete

Summary:

Clark and Bruce must go undercover at a newlywed resort to try and stop an assassination attempt. Hijinks, UST, and reluctant making out ensue.

First of all, Mithen is a superbat master. Pick any fic of theirs and it will be delightful. Second of all, I could write an entire essay about how much I adore the way they go from irritable about this mission to incredibly enthuasiastic over the course of their two days at the resort, but then we'd be here all day so: if you like banter, one bed, and a case fic this is a brilliant read

12. Kind Truths by Mawiiish [@superbattrash on tumblr]; rated G; creator chose not to use archive warnings; 6,478 words; 1 chapter; complete

Summary:

Bruce needs help with an undercover mission. Clark can never say no to him even though he probably should before he does something stupid. Like tell Bruce he's in love with him.

--

“Why me?” Clark can’t help but ask. He tries his very best to keep his voice level, to not sound as desperate as he feels.

“Because I need someone there to watch my back,” Bruce says, a little exasperated. He really shouldn’t have to explain this to Clark of all people, it’s not like they haven’t been on missions together before.

“I get that, but what about Diana? Shayera?” Anyone who doesn’t have a big fat crush on Bruce would do.

Is it obvious I have a thing for Clark agreeing to fake dating despite his big crush on Bruce? This fic is glorious, and features delights such as Bruce metaphorically putting his foot in his mouth, Clark wanting nothing more than to defend Bruce's honor, and one of the most beautiful confession scenes I've ever had the pleasure of reading

13. where i come from by soetry [@soetrys on tumblr]; E; no archive warnings apply; 52,494 words; 11 chapters; complete

Summary:

Bruce doesn’t have a soulmark, and Clark doesn’t have a soulmark, on an Earth where everyone has a soulmark. Somewhere in there is a simple solution. Somewhere to that solution is an overcomplicated journey. Surely two of the world’s leading superheroes will not take the overcomplicated route?

Surely not?

This one is a little bit of both. The identity porn in this was really well done - Dick is a massive Superman fan, Bruce is unimpressed with both Superman and Clark Kent, and it all goes downhill from there (affectionate). Highlights also include Bruce using a dubiously legal site to crossreference soulmarks, him getting the Superman crest tattooed on his wrist using Kyrptonian tech, and Clark being a self-sacrificing idiot. This is also one of the best soulmate AUs I've ever read!!

Identity Porn

1. Get Over It by rotasha; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 32,378 words; 3 chapters; complete

Summary:

Bruce needs to get over his inconvenient feelings for Superman and he meets an attractive reporter who he thinks can help him do just that. Little does he know...

Of all the identity porn I've read, this is one of the best! Bruce dating Clark to get over Superman is one of the best things ever and this fic really does a good job of their dynamic!

2. Lost Time Without You by rotasha; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 68,792 words; 21 chapters; complete

Summary:

In a universe where your soulmate’s injuries show up on your skin, Bruce is convinced he doesn’t have a soulmate, and Clark is seriously concerned for his soulmate’s well-being.

This was my introduction to soulmate!AUs and oh my goodness it was spectacular! The build up to the reveal of their identities was brilliantly done, and the chance encounters that pepper through the lead up to that point were captivating. This fic also features Bruce being a good parent and I really love that for him

3. the cost of being a good dad by Mawiiish [@superbattrash on tumblr]; rated T; creator chose not to use archive warnings; 95,533 words; 10 chapters; complete

Summary:

Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian are all tired of watching Bruce struggle with the stress of trying to handle the newly formed Justice League. He needs an outlet, he needs to relax, he needs to get out of the house, he needs... he needs to start dating. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

--

“Excuse me, I don’t know who you think I am, but I think there’s been a mistake.”

“Bruce, right?” the guy says, albeit less confidently this time. He looks slightly concerned and if Bruce is not mistaken… a tad embarrassed. “Bruce Wayne? You look just like your pictures.”

“My pictures?” Something finally clicks in Bruce’s mind, and he takes a small step back and plasters a smile on his face as to not rouse suspicion. Stalker. “Ah, of course, I’m sorry but I’m late for an appointment.”

This fic features the batkids catfishing Clark on Bruce's behalf, Bruce being a good parent, and the utter chaos of miscommunication that can only come from these two being idiots! It was a delightful read, and of course the batfam in action is always a joy!

4. ship-to-ship combat by pomeloquat; rated M; no archive warnings apply; 62,737 words; 12/13 chapters; incomplete

Summary:

"Clark. What the hell is this," Lois asks, staring at Clark's Bruceman WIP folder. Clark's first instinct is to fly away, but that would still leave his fic on display for her to see. His second instinct is to blast a hole straight through his laptop screen with his heat vision, which isn't much better.

Clark, in an attempt to make some spare cash, unintentionally stumbles into the world of superhero fanfiction, becomes a prolific writer for Gotham's OTP, and tries his best to fend off rival fans who want him to convert to superbat instead.

Oh my goodness okay. Where to start with this fic. First of all, Clark writing Batman/Bruce Wayne fanfiction is such a brilliant concept. Then add to that the fact that Clark is secretly crushing on Batman at the same time, and the entire comedy of a trainwreck is a delight to witness!

5. I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am by Mardiaz173; rated T; no archive warnings apply; 12,920 words; 3 chapters; complete

It was like living in the Twilight Zone. Everyone else believed fervently in Bruce Wayne’s reputation. He was a flirty, stupid, and entitled drunk whose only redeeming quality was his bleeding heart. And yet every time Clark spoke with Wayne, the man was clever, mischievous, and sober with an indecipherable ulterior motive.

And no one believed Clark. Not Lois, not his parents, not even Batman.

Clark insisting upon defending Bruce to everyone much to everyone's dismay is one of my favourite superbat tropes ever, and this fic really does it well! And of course, this fic also features Batman shit talking Bruce, which is always a joy to see!

6. Don't Quote Me by metropolisjournal [@metropolisjournal on tumblr]; rated E; no archive warnings apply; 77,131 words; 20/21 chapters; incomplete

Summary:

Bruce Wayne has weathered scandal before, and Wayne Enterprises can handle another publicity crisis. What Bruce can’t handle is one crashing up against his plans to infiltrate Lex’s estate. Set during Batman v. Superman.

This was the fix-it for Batman vs Superman that I didn't know I needed until I read it. The identity reveal was so incredibly well written, and the whole fic was stupendous from the very first chapter!

And that's all for now! I hope you find something in here to read, may you enjoy!!

[upswnel]

FRENCH AS IN...?

— gojo satoru x afab!reader, mutual pining, academic rivalish friends?, suggestive, collage au!

the evening found satoru and her lounging side by side in his apartment, having just wrapped up a grueling assignment.

the soft strains of françoise hardy's music filled the room, emanating from her phone, while he was engrossed in an intense online chess match.

as the song played on, she suddenly broke the silence. “hey, satoru, do you know french?”

he paused, momentarily confused. his attention had been so absorbed in the game that he hadn’t registered the music’s language, he was completely out of context. assuming she meant something different, he interpreted her question in a more... personal way.

what now, after insulting him non-stop and annoying him by saying no one will ever put up with his narcissistic, egoistic, insufferable, stupid character and how he'll probably die alone with his cat snow; she was suddenly interested in his personal life?

after a brief hesitation, he turned to face her, a confused look on his face. “uh, why do you ask?”

she shrugged, her gaze a little annoyed. she has always been jelaous of how well-rounded he was. he was not only the star player of the soccer team but the way he pulled off every single electric guitar solo she swooned over, the way he competed against her in one of the only fields she was assertive in, playing the piano. as if all these weren't enough, he still managed to keep her on her toes, threatening the academic throne she worked so hard to keep to herself.

“well, since there’s nothing you can’t do well and nothing you don’t know about, i just wondered if you know it too.” she admitted begrudgingly, the playful roll of her eyes made him question the whole ordeal even further.

but still assuming she was referring to something more intimate, he gave her a nonchalant shrug. “yeah, i know it.” he wasn’t quite sure why she was asking, but he figured he might as well answer.

her eyes lit up with excitement, and she leaned in closer. “really? could you tutor me? i’ve been dying to learn french! there were a couple of times i tried to finally give it a go but it always scared me off a little, you know?”

wow, okay.

satoru’s mind went blank. her request for a “french tutor” threw him off completely. he was momentarily distracted as his chess match ended with his opponent’s victory. shaking off his confusion, he turned back to her, processing the situation. “you want me to... teach you?”

she nodded, oblivious to the misunderstanding. “yeah! i’ve always wanted to learn. why do you look so surprised?” she let out a nervous chuckle.

satoru slowly leaned in closer, his heart racing. “are you sure about this?” she was taken aback by the sudden proximity, her cheeks flushing. “yes...?” she managed to reply. though, through her voice it was obvious she was slightly confused.

he reached for the water bottle beside him. "why do you wanna learn it anyway?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. he kept eye contact as the water flowed down his throat, cooling his senses a bit. why would someone want to learn it and ask for it? you get the hang of it when you... just do it with someone you want to... kiss, right? that's not something to ask of your... well certainly not someone you can't even name your relation with.

she pondered for a second. "well... it is very useful in some areas and i kinda like the way it sounds."

he almost choked. coughing as she patted on his back worriedly. "h- hey! are you okay? god, you can't even drink water properly."

he composed himself, clearing his throat before taking a glance at her out the corner of his eye.

well, she was certainly not the type to bring up this kind of topic, especially with him. his gaze lingered on her for a few seconds, the way she looked at him with those both despising and amused eyes; her lips forming a slight smirk as her hand still rested on his back.

he's gotta be honest. he really wondered how it would be like to kiss her. always so aloof and teasing, enjoying to have the upper-hand, nagging at him and making fun of him every chance she gets. the desire to have her putty in his hands made the adrenalin surge through his veins. she doesn't seem like the type to melt in his arms as his lips moved against hers though. but since she wants to learn it, does this mean she's completely inexperienced?

the imagary of her with burning cheeks and laboured breath made something snap in him. having her arms wrapped around his neck as he felt her heart pounding against his chest, the way she would feel so desperate to have his flushed lips on hers again, minds hazy with the dance of their tongues seconds ago but she just can't seem to get enough of his addicting taste you know? oh and the way his hands would slide up her sh-

hey! get a grip, man!

he shut his eyes and rubbed his temples before turning to face her. they just sat in silence for a few moments before he sighed and leaned in. "you want to... you sure?"

her hands found their place on his chest to make him keep his distance. was he acting weird or was it her? she couldn't quite understand his strange behaviour but she let out a hesitant 'yes'.

with that confirmation, he closed the gap between them, capturing her lips in a sweet, gentle kiss. his large hands on both sides of her face, his thumb caressing her cheek bones.

he wasn't even sure what he was doing. his mind was spinning with both perplexity and desire. why was he doing this? he just momentarily craved her touch but kissing her was like they had crossed a boundary they hadn’t intended to.

the initial contact was tender, but as he deepened the kiss, it grew more passionate, his tongue lightly brushing against hers. her eyes widened in shock, and she pulled away, her face burning bright red. “what- what are you doing?” she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.

satoru looked just as flustered, his own cheeks tinged pink. “well, didn’t you ask me to teach you french kissing?”

she was mortified, her mind racing as she realized the mix-up. “no, I meant french as in the language! i didn’t mean... that!” she hated how her stomach twisted and how something in her chest fluttered.

the room fell into a stunned silence. her gulps were audible though. neither of them could muster the words to comment on what had just happened. the unexpected kiss, combined with the misunderstanding, left them both too embarrassed to even tease each other.

satoru cleared his throat, his usual confident demeanor completely absent. “so, uh, we... we should probably just forget about this.”

she nodded quickly, still blushing furiously. “yes, definitely. i... i didn’t mean for any of that to happen.”

the air was thick with awkwardness, and despite the lingering embarrassment, there was a shared understanding that the situation was more than just a simple mix-up. and now, both were grappling with the newfound complexity of their feelings.

with a final awkward glance, they turned back to their respective tasks, the playful and teasing dynamic they once shared replaced with an uncertain, lingering tension. they had literally kissed, and the implications of that were far beyond their usual banter.

—

let me know if you want a steamier part two! ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

[cecilysass]

The Penultimate Partner Episode: Analyzing the Second-to-Last Episodes of Seasons 3-7

So I was thinking about the show’s tendency to do an episode that is explicitly about the Partnership—about the deep abiding bonds between Mulder and Scully—right before the season finale.

This doesn’t seem to happen in season 1 and 2 (the penultimate episodes are Roland and Our Town, respectively, which don’t seem to play the same role). And something different is happening in season 8 and 9, so I don't think they fit as well.

But during the show’s peak popularity, seasons 3-7, the second-to-last episode seems to be setting up baseline emotional stakes for whatever plotline is about to hit. These episodes are giving us the state of the partnership, reminding us how devoted they are to one another. They also tend to have to do with one or both partners having a distorted perception on reality that requires the other partner's intervention in some way. I’m calling them the Penultimate Partner episodes.

So can we look at the themes of each of these Partnership episodes and see development over time? I think yes. It’s gonna be long. I rewatched them all, so buckle up.

Season 3: Wetwired - partnership as trust Season 4: Demons - partnership as loyalty Season 5: Folie a Deux - partnership as shared madness Season 6: Field Trip - partnership as touchstones Season 7: Je Souhaite - partnership as happiness

Season 3: Wetwired  (right before Talitha Cumi)

This episode, like several in the Penultimate Partner episode category, involves a X-file that distorts perception. Because Scully can’t trust her own senses due to the mind control, she also can’t trust Mulder, calling into question the key tenet of their partnership. (And by season three, they have definitely established trust as the bedrock.)

Her gradual mistrust of Mulder in this episode is tense and painful; you can see on her face how much she argues with herself about it even as her mind is tricking her. Others who fall victim to this mind control phenomenon wind up murdering their romantic partner, but in the end of the episode, when they’re discussing what happened in the hospital, they both seem pretty unsurprised that Scully’s paranoia focused on Mulder. They both know, late season three, how crucial trust is between them. They understand that it’s Scully’s worst fear that Mulder would betray her. It’s not even news to them.

What Mulder’s worst fear might be is also hinted at, although it’s unsaid. He’s furious that her life is put at risk by the mysterious informant. When Mulder believes Scully may be dead and he’s going to identify her body, his reaction is chilling. He seems to completely shut down emotionally, not even showing any reaction to the Gunmen. Tellingly, when he is offered a choice between getting answers and going to ID Scully’s body, he doesn’t hesitate—he chooses Scully. (Sometimes people claim Mulder doesn’t show this kind of commitment to her until much later, even until Home Again in season 10, so it’s interesting to see it so unequivocal here.)   

I want to say that Scully’s anxiety about trusting Mulder in this episode is foreshadowing aspects of the cancer arc in the next season, but I don’t think that’s really what’s happening. This episode seems more like an entirely season 3 cap to the Anasazi / Blessing Way / Paperclip storyline, especially the murder of Melissa. Scully’s paranoia calls back Mulder’s in Anasazi, and Scully explicitly blames Mulder for her sister’s murder when she’s drawn a gun on him. Even just the fact that we're there with Maggie, who has a picture of Melissa displayed prominently, tells me that loss is supposed to be on both partners' minds. (Actually, the interaction between Mulder, Scully and Maggie is pretty amazing in this scene; they’re an emotionally complex trio who seem to be communicating on some other level. I love how when Mulder and Maggie are talking to freaked-out Scully they almost sound strangely unreal, almost like they really are speaking falsely. It allows us to imagine the scene as it looks from Scully’s point-of-view, as a massive betrayal.)

Wetwired is, technically, a mytharc episode, as this whole mind control thing seems to tie back into X and the Syndicate. Personally I think the episode’s ending, emphasizing the mytharc-related plot and X’s involvement and whatever tf was happening there, was a little misguided. For my tastes they would have done better to play up the more personal, character-based themes a little more. But I also think this episode was the first real Penultimate Partner episode, and it was setting some patterns that were going to be expanded on.

Season 4: Demons (before Gethsemane)

From the cold open, we can already tell this is already a more personal episode than Wetwired. Mulder is the one having perception problems now; he wakes from a disturbing dream, covered in blood, muddled memory. This is also technically a mytharc episode, but much more concerned with direct impact on character than Wetwired was. 

Scully instantly rushes to Mulder’s aid—walks right into his shower, for heaven’s sake—and absolutely never wavers in loyalty to him, even when he looks real, real guilty and a "rational" person would be suspicious. She is in fierce, must-protect-Mulder mode throughout this entire episode, from the moment she shows up palpating his head with her hands to her back-off behavior with the cops to her badass cold “I know what you do” comment to Dr. Goldstein. She also helps Mulder see through his distorted perception, telling him "this is not the way to the truth" as he holds a gun on her.

In this Penultimate Partner episode, we see something more than simple trust going on, although there’s trust, too. Maybe the word is loyalty or devotion. We see Mulder coming apart and Scully completely and utterly devoted to him. It’s actually very clear foreshadowing for the following week’s episode, Gethsemane. Mulder isn’t stable, and he needs Scully to keep him from “los[ing] his course,” as she says in Demons’ end narration. Gethsemane will follow up on the Mulder losing-his-course idea, and also will explore the idea that Scully’s bottomless support of Mulder isn’t always good for her. (This idea is voiced especially by Bill.) 

There are some ways in which this episode is a neat little bookend to Wetwired. In Wetwired, Scully flees to her mother’s house, desperate and paranoid; in Demons, Mulder, similarly unhinged, seeks out his mother at her house. In Wetwired, Scully sees things that aren’t there, and in Demons, it’s definitely implied that Mulder may be seeing things in his past that weren’t actually there. In Wetwired, Scully pulls a gun on Mulder, and in Demons, Mulder pulls one on Scully. 

I adore this episode, even though it’s definitely vulnerable to the critique that Mulder acts like a self-obsessed loon and Scully a hopeless enabler lol. Especially because it comes before the Gethsemane / Redux three parter, I wish the episode would have explicitly connected his behavior to the cancer arc, as I feel like that would have made his wild choices seem more understandable. If he felt like he needed to find answers faster because he knew Scully’s time was running out and he saw it all tied together with her fate, then we would get why he was acting so rashly. It would also tie more nicely into Gethsemane, which misleads the audience into thinking Mulder has killed himself, in part, because he believes she’s been given cancer to make him believe. But again, I love this episode. Scully showing up and putting that blanket around Mulder when he’s shaking. Her hugging him at the end when he’s desolate on the floor. This shows a partnership that’s been through Paper Hearts and Memento Mori—that’s moved beyond trust alone.

Season 5: Folie a Deux (before The End)

This is another episode about perception—about one partner seeing things the other can’t. Unlike in Wetwired or Demons, however, in this episode the altered perception actually represents the real truth, something everyone else fails to understand. The episode plays around with the tropes of earlier episodes like Wetwired, at first encouraging us to think that it's a delusion that Pincus is a monster, but then convincing us, through Mulder’s eyes, that the delusion is actually reality.  

As other people have observed, this episode ends up being a nice little metaphor for the whole show: Mulder knowing what no one else does, being ostracized and considered insane, asking Scully to find evidence to corroborate him and ultimately convincing her to believe him and see what he sees. Their partnership is, quite precisely, a madness shared by two. 

It’s a monster of the week, not a mytharc, so there’s no distraction of elaborate mytharc plot, just characters and monster. And this is a Vince Gilligan operation, so our focus is definitely on character. From the first scene with Mulder and Scully, we sense that we’re going to be talking about the partnership. Skinner gives them an assignment in Chicago that Mulder doesn’t think is worth it, and he complains in a particularly self-centered way to Scully, which she observes (“You’re saying I a lot.”) The episode is going to be very explicit that while Mulder might be monster boy, they are in this unhinged partnership situation together. Another important moment comes later, when Scully is calling the perp crazy for thinking he saw a monster, and Mulder says, “Well, I saw it, too.” Scully’s careful about-face after that, her delicate avoidance of implying she thinks Mulder is actually crazy, is part of the dance they’re doing at this late season five stage of their partnership. She doesn’t quite believe him, but she doesn’t knee-jerk not believe him either. 

And the foreshadowing of what’s to come in this one, whoo boy. Most obviously, we must acknowledge that 1013 knew exactly what they were doing when Mulder tells Scully “you’re my one in five billion.” A mere seven days from now, a mysterious beautiful ex who believes his theories is going to show up to immediately cast doubt on that claim. And this episode is also toying with the question of whether Scully actually does always back Mulder up when it’s important, when she has to accept she saw something illogical. At the end, does she tell Skinner she actually saw a giant bug in Mulder’s hospital room? We don’t know, but I think it’s implied she doesn’t. That’s all presaging what will happen in The Beginning coming off of Fight the Future. It’s Scully’s little way of resisting the madness, but it also hurts Mulder and damages the partnership, which will be a problem in season six. 

Season 6: Field Trip (before Biogenesis)

Full disclosure: this is my favorite episode. So I’m going to make some big claims about it. This is the ultimate Penultimate Partner episode—the one that best knits together what it wants to say about their partnership and what it wants to establish for the finale. It's a monster-of-the-week episode (another Vince Gilligan ep, with John Shiban) but refers to the mytharc often. It’s also one of the best episodes about their partnership, period. 

This is yet another episode about distorted perception. This time, however, under the influence of a giant mushroom, both partners are unable to perceive clearly, to determine what is real and what is a lie. And when they’re confused, they critically turn to one another to help them see what the truth is.

Coming off of season six, the partnership is rocky. Mulder is frustrated that after so many theories of his have borne out, he still can’t get the benefit of the doubt from Scully, something he explicitly says in the dialogue here. Scully has felt like she’s not been trusted or heard, like Mulder has turned to others (Diana Fowley, for example) rather than his partner.

This is an episode about how they absolutely need one another to be able to make sense of the world—that individually each of their points-of-view are not enough. In Mulder’s hallucination, Scully accepts his claims about alien life forms too completely, not applying enough skepticism, not pushing back against him. In Scully’s hallucination, a world without Mulder, everyone is unacceptably unquestioning of the status quo, refusing to dig deeper, lacking Mulder’s critical acumen and drive. Neither partner likes the feeling of being unopposed, and it makes both of them suspicious about the hallucination’s reality. They may think they want their own view to prevail, but they need one another to be a whole person.

The theme of what’s real and what’s not – and needing one another to discern the truth–is exactly what is picked up and developed further in the Biogenesis-Sixth Extinction-Amor Fati arc that follows this. Scully’s skepticism has to stretch to incorporate more of Mulder’s worldview to make sense of what she sees in the Ivory Coast, and of course, Mulder calls on Scully’s worldview to see through his misleading dream world in Amor Fati. In fact, you could argue Field Trip is really about the idea that Mulder and Scully are one another’s touchstones—the people they need to know what’s right and real. 

Incidentally, this episode also plays around with some of season 6’s other subtextual throughlines: Mulder and Scully’s anxieties about possibly entering a non-platonic relationship, their unease about what a normal, domestic life might even be for them. For the entire episode they’re directly compared and juxtaposed with the Schiffs, a young married couple who died on Brown Mountain. The Schiffs are a tall man and a redheaded woman. They even die hallucinating lying together on a hotel bed after she asked him to “hold her” (although I do seriously doubt 1013 was intentionally foreshadowing a full year ahead). The last shot is of Mulder reaching out to take Scully’s hand across the ambulance, suggesting a kind of partnership beyond just, you know, partnership. Which takes us to the next season.  

Season 7: Je Souhaite (before Requiem)

Truthfully, I don’t think this episode fits quite as well in the Penultimate Partner category. It doesn’t share some of the same traits as these other episodes—it’s not quite as notably about perception, for instance—and it’s not fundamentally about the partnership in the same way. But it does end up commenting on their partnership (even their relationship, really) as part of its theme, so I think we can include it—especially because its position right before Requiem ends up being important. 

Je Souhaite (btw, written and directed by Vince Gilligan) has a bit of an unsettled feeling to it because it was kind of treading water, waiting to see what happened with DD and the series. Nothing too monumental could happen with the partnership or the plot because it wasn’t clear to anyone what would happen next with the show: whether it would end or continue, whether DD would be involved or not.

So we have a story about Mulder and Scully making peace with not having a significant impact on the world—e.g. not bringing about world peace, not introducing invisible bodies to science. Instead, they are content to delightfully share a beer and comment that they have made one another “pretty happy” (as Scully says about Mulder). Through the jinni character, they seem to take the lesson that they can enjoy being with one another, accept the simple happiness that their relationship brings them. Rather than wish for success that comes too easily, they take joy in the little things with one another.

Comparing this episode to the Penultimate Partner episodes that come before, we can really see how Mulder and Scully’s dynamic has evolved by season seven. We have a Scully who is much more open to supernatural phenomena, for example, and whose skepticism seems more like a reflex or a defense mechanism now. Scully’s move towards belief is partially reflected in the plot of the episode: the X-file here really isn’t even science fiction. It is just straight up fantasy or magical realism. Aside from Scully's brief mention of a disease to explain what happened to the mouthless man in the cold open, no plausible scientific explanation for the jinni's long life or wishes is really even floated.

Scully is delighted by the discovery of the invisible body, and Mulder is visibly delighted by her delight. He’s also frustrated by her retreat into doubt when the body disappears, of course. But even the reversal into her old skepticism is half-hearted, as she soon after she's engaging in discussion with Mulder about what his final wish was. This is consistent with the overall blurring of the old hardline believer-skeptic dynamic we see in season 7. It’s also peeking ahead to Scully’s coming role as resident basement believer in season 8. 

The last scene, with the beers and Caddyshack, is meant to be a callback to djinni Jenn’s comment that she wishes she could “live my life moment by moment... enjoying it for what it is instead of... instead of worrying about what it isn't.” Mulder, we see, is taking a cue from her. (And good for him, as we almost never see these characters do this. Except on rare baseball-related occasions.)

However, this episode’s position right before Requiem—and right before the events of season 8—ends up giving this scene a real bittersweet bite. We know, after Requiem, that they were probably a romantic couple at this time. We know, after Requiem, that this time is going to be their last happy time together for a long while. Later in season 8, we learn that one lingering wish of Scully’s in season 7 is that she wanted to conceive a child with Mulder. And of course we know, after Requiem, that she gets her wish—but with a vicious catch, with a terrible side effect, much like what happens with the jinni’s wishes. 

So that’s my academic thesis on that. I know others have pointed out the existence of this type of episode before. What did I miss? Do you think I am wrong to leave out seasons 1, 2, 8, and 9? Why do we think these episodes focus so much on distorted perception? Interested to hear others’ thoughts (if they make it through this lol).

[corroded-hellfire]

Eddie with shy(or autistic doesn't matter)!reader where when they're overwhelmed/don't want to speak they use sign language

This was such a sweet request. I didn’t specify if reader is autistic, shy, has anxiety, or other so that you can fill in those blanks any way you’d like. I hope you enjoy 🧡

Words: 600

Most people don’t understand how it feels when you get overwhelmed. It’s something that happens to everyone, but you react to it in a way that is foreign to a lot of people. Words become hard, speaking seems difficult. When you first met Eddie, it didn’t take him long to catch onto this. For many people, sitting in silence can be awkward. With Eddie, it always felt companionable. Comfortable. It was one of the reasons you started to fall for him. He never made you feel weird or different just for not wanting or being able to talk at times. Oftentimes, Eddie knew when you were feeling anxious or overwhelmed even before you stopped speaking. The first time he communicated with you in sign language, your jaw dropped.

You know how to sign? you’d signed.

Eddie gave you a small smile and had to think for a moment before giving you his response. I’m learning.

Why?

For you.

Tears flooded your eyes and Eddie was immediately concerned. His eyes widened and he stepped towards you, but you just shook your head at him.

It’s just so nice. You’re so sweet.

Eddie practiced his signing for weeks, wanting to perfect one question in particular before asking it. He was aware that he could always ask the question verbally, but he thought the question might overwhelm you and you would move to signing anyway. So, why not just ask the question that way?

The two of you are sitting on the empty bleachers out by the football field when you notice him fidgeting more than usual. As well as Eddie had learned to read you, you’d learned him just as well. 

“Are you okay?” you ask.

“Oh, um, yeah,” Eddie answers, giving you a shaky smile. You weren’t buying it, but you weren’t going to push him either. He waves at you, catching your attention as you look back to your book. 

I have a question for you, he signs.

Eddie usually only initiated the signing if he knew you were getting overwhelmed, but you’re clearly fine right now. It confuses you, but you go with it.

What?

You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Eddie this nervous before. Nerves weren’t really his thing. This is the man who could make a stage out of a table any day or give an impromptu speech in class when he forgot he was supposed to prepare one the night before. 

His fingers twitch before he begins to sign his question. Will you go out on a date with me?

The question takes you completely by surprise. You’d dreamed that Eddie would ask you out, but never once thought it would actually happen. He’s so loud and outgoing, you just assumed he wouldn’t be interested in someone as quiet and reserved as you. Suddenly, it occurs to you that Eddie may not understand what he just asked. He’s fairly new to signing and mistakes are common.

You want to go out with me? On a date?

Yes.

Your heart begins to thud against your ribs and a shy smile curls on your lips.

I would love that.

Now it’s Eddie’s turn to look surprised. Really?

Yes!

Eddie slides himself closer to you on the bench and holds his hand out. Slowly, you reach up and place your hand in his. He wraps his fingers around yours and gives your hand a squeeze.

“Dinner and the bookstore?” Eddie asks, breaking the silence.

“I can’t think of anything better,” you answer.

[hina-hina]

König and his s/o that's like always super nice and kind to everyone but then the moment they step onto the field they turn horrifying? Like deathly silent would prolly snap your neck in half with their bare hands type

Such an interesting request, friend! Thank you so much for requesting, I hope you enjoy!! (～￣▽￣)～

Wow so this turned into something completely different, but I still hope you like it!

This work is not beta-read!

→ COD Masterlist

|| König With a Nice but Scary S/O ||

Tags: Fluff, Scary!Reader, Established Relationship, Soft, Cleaning each others wounds, Kinda Sad, Comfort, Caretaking, König is Babygirl, Short.

Warnings: vague mention of blood and violence

Gender-Neutral!Reader // Romantic

I sort of thing he would be the same in a way

I think he can get quite scary when he is out on the field, in the heat of battle

But, while he is like this on the battlefield, I imagine your scariness would be unpredictable

Like, one minute you can be the nicest person on the planet and then someone gets on your bad side and it's downhill from there

I also imagine you being really protective of König

Like, if a rookie comes in thinking they can poke fun at him due to his quite, anxious nature, you immediately step in

They start warning each other not to say anything mean to König, then the rookies get surprised when they say he isn't the one they should be scared of

Because, yes König could easily handle himself, he isn't a big fan of confrontational and he doesn't like to be seen as scary

You, on the other mind don't mind at all

I can also see you not really knowing that other people see you as scary

Like, König is just like "Maus, you need to stop scaring the new guys."

And you're just like, me? Scary?

Because in reality you aren't really and you are actually quite kind to everyone,

König tells them that you just value respect and if they act with respect you will in turn

They are even more concerned with how you act on the field

If you were scary before, you are down-right feral in the field

You go silent with this look in your eye that begs anyone to mess with you

You and König work as a power-couple together

You are like unsuspecting silently feral type, he is a loud and unabashed feral type

the two of you often have to be reeled in after an op, the both of you wildly blood thirsty

But then imagine the two of you, wrapped up in each others arms as you come down from the adrenaline

The two of you gently cleaning each others wounds and exchanging soft kisses

After the adrenaline wears off your both bone tired and in need of a good nap

Your hands were laid across his shoulders, slowly sliding down to unclip the latches on his tactical vest. He hums lightly, lifting one of his large hands to your face, a damp washcloth secured in it to wipe at the blood splatters across your cheeks. The heavy vest drops with a thump, neither of you caring about where your gear ends up in that moment.

Your hand comes up and covers his, laying a gentle kiss on his knuckles. You gently take the cloth from his hand, moving your other hand up to remove his veil. You wait for his small nod of approval before you lift it off, throwing it over the dresser in the corner. König flattens his hand across your cheek, the rough pad of his thumb moving along it. Your smile while looking at his face, pushing some of his long fringe back from his eyes before beginning to wipe at the eye-black that rims them. His eyes flutter shut as he leans into your touch, his other hand rubbing up and down on your outstretched arm.

When you seem satisfied with his newly cleaned face, you throw your cloth down onto the bedside table to be dealt with later. König moves in, placing the softest kiss to your lips before pulling back just enough to mutter, "Let's go to sleep, Maus" against your lips. With a gentle tug, he slumps down onto his too-small cot and pulls you across his chest. The cot was barely enough to fit just him but even with the two of you, it didn't feel too small.

It was jarring to you, that two people so intimately capable of violence were allowed such softness. That two monsters, as you were often called, were allowed moments like this. Maybe you were monsters. You didn't really mind as long as you could be a monster with him.

Thanks for reading!

⇣Taglist⇣ @scarlettproof @unabashednightmarepizza @kk00789 @cl0udii-m00n @polar2oidsworld @meepsters-world @uwu-i-purple-you @punziesworld @heaven-angels-world @crystalliebling @southernbluebellereader @nptnewr @blueoorchid

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

YEAH YANDERE XMEN LET'S GOOO

Anyways, I will look forward for any of your yan!x-men works. And I kinda hope for platonic mentor Scott Summers or Gambit(even if I don't see Gambit as a yandere it would be interesting to read about it)

𝐈 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐘𝐄𝐒…

!!! GN reader, dual-wielding yandere mentors, strict Scott, power abuse, manipulation, stalker Remy, no respect of privacy, the slightest bit of infantilism, I’m probably forgetting a lot cuz I’m really bad at warnings, pretty mild.

*Clutches my head like I’m taking psychic damage* AHHHHHHHH, THE VOICES!!! THE VOICES!!!! THEY’RE GIVING ME IDEAS!!!!

First off, you basically predicted one of my WIPs. Something about Scott’s base character just screams platonic yandere to me, and I probably couldn’t write a non-yandere fic about him if I tried. So!! Because I’ve already got a little something cooking with solo Scott, lemme give you the best of both worlds of your asks; yandere mentor Scott and Remy.

A dynamic like this would be completely uncoordinated. Their mentoring styles are polar opposites, and it doesn’t help that they can’t see eye to eye with each other on most things. So expect this to be a tug of war between what is essentially a strict dad and chill uncle. Scott will get done lecturing you about staying out late (he doesn’t want you dozing off and getting lazy during missions, that’s all!!), only for Remy to whisk you away on a late night patrol (with ice cream as a treat!!).

To fully understand what you’re dealing with here, let’s do a quick rundown on both of them on an individual level.

Scott: Overbearing as fuck. He might start off as harsh and borderline brutal, constantly singling you out and critiquing everything you do. Should anyone raise concerns over this, he’d be genuinely confused. He’s not treating you differently from the other X-Men!! You just need a little more tough love, that’s all!! He sees your potential and wants to bring it out of you so you’re ready for anything and everything!!

It would probably take a near-death experience on your end for him to finally soften up on you. He’s still strict as hell, don’t get me wrong, but at least he’s more encouraging than berating!! But now he keeps you glued to his side during missions. And doesn’t let you go on missions he’s not on. And only allows you to train with him. And starts getting more involved with your personal life. And basically keeps you on a tight leash with everything.

He definitely abuses his authority as field commander to get you to behave. Don’t wanna listen to him? Fine, you’re sitting out for the next couple of missions. What’s this? You think it’s unfair? If you won’t listen to him now, then what good are you in the field, huh? He’s only doing this to make you a better team player!! Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

Remy: Extremely hands off. The word “mentor” is used loosely when describing him, as he really doesn’t see himself as such. All he does is makes sure you don’t die on missions, gives you profound life lessons, then goes on to contradict that life lesson with some reckless move (text book example of a do as I say, not as I do kind of teacher). His laidback nature makes it easy to confide in him, and he’s always happy to lend an ear to his petit!

Meanwhile, his yandere side kind of runs counter to this. Yes, he’s extremely lax with you, but only because he knows where you are 24/7. There are trackers in all of your clothes so he can check in on you periodically. Not because he doesn’t trust you!! He really doesn’t give a shit what you’re up to as long as you’re not doing drugs or whatever. There’s just this nagging fear in the back of his mind that you could be in danger, and he wants to make sure he can save you in time. He also has a habit of snooping through your things; again, not because he doesn’t trust you, he’s just curious and has no sense of privacy when it comes to you (and also because he likes to leave behind little trinkets for you to find later).

While I don’t see very many situations where he resorts to this, it’s best to keep in mind that Remy’s a master manipulator. If you’re up to something he doesn’t particularly like — maybe you have a crush on someone he doesn’t deem worthy… which is just about everyone — he’ll easily talk you out of it, playing whatever card he feels necessary. There may be the slightest bit of infantilism (“you’re too young for mushy romance, petit!”), but nothing too heavy handed; he mostly does it to tease.

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s get back to their dynamic.

As said before, they don’t really work in tandem with each other. They just kinda coexist as your two mentors that constantly butt heads with each other. Scott sees Remy as a bad influence on you, and Remy basically does everything in his power to spite Scott. What’s this? Did mean ol’ Cyke lock you in your room? Good thing Gambit’s next lesson is to teach you how to pick locks (but that does not mean you can sneak out and do your own thing. Stay where Gambit can see you, damnit). It pisses Scott off to no end and Remy thinks it’s hilarious.

Now, there’s a very slim chance that they come to some sort of understanding. Sure, Scott has a stick up his ass and Remy is a bit reckless, but they at least share a common goal of keeping you safe. This is when they start (begrudgingly) working together, with Remy turning a blind eye whenever Scott oversteps his leadership role while Scott checks in with Remy for your current location. They’re absolutely not best buds with this setup, but they’ll at least tolerate each other for your own good.

They’re kinda like your divorced parents in this set up.

But, again, the chances of this happening are very slim. Scott will do everything in his power to keep you away from Remy’s influence, and Remy doesn’t trust Scott enough to agree to “sharing.” It would probably take a dire situation for them to work together. Just as a one time thing; it wouldn’t be permanent.

Overall, I love this dynamic. It helped me visualize a yandere Gambit better (despite him being my favorite, I wasn’t sure if I could hit him with my yanderefication beam), and of course I’m gonna write the X-Men’s resident yan-dad. I wanna write more so bad.

[lewkwoodnco]

Hii I wanted to request Anthony Lockwood×fem!reader with the song London Boy. Where the reader is from Europe, and she just moved to London to become a better ghost hunter, but she gets rejected at Fittes and other agencies. Then she finds out about Lockwood&Co. and goes to a job interview and gets hired. Since she's from Europe, she has an accent, and like she doesn't always pronounce words right, Lockwood loves it and finds it adorable. As she lives with all of them, they start becoming closer. She and Lucy become like best friends. And from the whole start, when she met Anthony, she was crushing on him and he would often call her darling and love, because for him it's normal, but she would literally be running laps in her head. Lucy notices all of this and teases them about it. Happy ending with them confessing and kissing? As always, you can change it so it suits the song more, I really love your writing, and it never disappoints!!

Lockwood x Reader - London Boy

A/N: While I was researching possible words to mispronounce whyy did I find out that I was pronouncing one of them wrong this wholeee time AHHH also why was it so hard to find a gif where he's smiling. Netflix pls renew the series to give him more screentime where he doesn't look like he wants to dies plzzz. also this starts with a letter written by the reader to her sister a week after moving to London, 3.1k, enjoy!!

Dear Elizabeth,

I hope things are fine over there. London is...interesting. It's very cold and wet, for one. I always feel like I'm one gust of wind away from catching a cold, but a friend took me shopping a few days back, and I've got a much warmer coat now. You'd love Lucy, she's got your sense of humour and everything.

Things didn't work out so well at Fittes. Or Rotwell. Or any of the other agencies I had shortlisted. I'm at a small independent, Lockwood & Co. There's only four of us and Mr. Lockwood's only a year older than me (a misnomer if I ever saw one, I thought he'd be closer to eighty than eighteen), but they get by just fine and I'm learning loads.

Part of me still wonders if I made the right choice by leaving. I wish I was home; warm, dry and safe. I miss the fields, the bonfires, the cheap juice boxes... miss you and mum to bits. Give her all my love.

"Writing a letter?"

She slammed a hand over her postcard with an aggressiveness that shocked her as much as him. She was sitting at the kitchen table, opting for a change of scenery while she drafter her note. It was morning, and from the shuffling sounds outside, George and Lucy seemed to also be awake, but only Lockwood was in the kitchen with her. And the thing about Lockwood was - well, he made her a little skittish.

She panicked at his slightly taken aback expression, rushing to make amends. "No! I mean, yes, I am writing a letter. It's for my sister, Elizabeth."

"I'm sorry I startled you, I don't mean to pry."

"You weren't." God, did she completely forget how to hold a normal conversation? It was mind-numbingly difficult to generate coherent words or even thoughts with his buttery smooth posh accent washing over her. "I just - we keep odd hours and with the time zone difference I haven't had the time to talk to them on the phone."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

She looked down into her tea, suddenly shy. Keeping eye contact with him was difficult enough when they were all in the room, but his undivided attention was simply unbearable. There was something so intentional in his gaze that made her too nervous to think too much about it. So that just left a knot in her chest that would throb and set her ablaze any time he got too close. That, coupled with their extremely embarrassing first meeting, made her especially prone to stuttering or leaving the room whenever Lockwood was around.

Ironically, he was away handling a mild Type One case in Sidcup, for which the prestigious clientele warranted the inconvenient travel, during her interview. Which was just as well, because she was sure she wouldn't have been able to force anything out with him watching her as closely as George had. She had seen the newspaper clippings on the wall, but the dates had been cut off, so it hadn't been immediately obvious to her that he was a teenager like the rest of them. Besides, who had heard of an agency run by three teenagers and no adults?

Which was why she nearly fell out of her armchair the following morning when the front door opened to the sound of unfamiliar yet boyish laughter. The briefcase carelessly left by the entry way to the living room caught her eye first, followed by his crisp suit, his straight tie, and finally, the man himself.

She wasn’t one to believe in love at first sight, but as he grinned with his dimples mischievously winking at her, she felt that if anyone could change her mind, it just might be him. She felt the palms resting on her book grow clammy as her heart thudded dangerously, And this was all before he had even spoken or looked at her. As soon he opened his mouth, she was a goner.

"You guys have to read this: 'Lockwood & Co. - the answer to the Problem? For an independent agency with less resources yet arguably more success than the big two, could they be the key to ridding our world of visitors? Read more on pa-' Page six? So much of that trouble, all for a page six?"

"Now look what you've done, Lockwood. You've scared our newest member mute with that demented laugh of yours."

"How could I forget? Y/N L/N, the one agent with enough talent to, and I quote, 'somewhat-kind-of satisfy' George Karim. I was positively racing home to meet you. Forgive my, hmm, associates. I hope they didn’t give you too rough of a time."

"You make it sound like we're degenerates!"

"They can be quite bothersome when they want to be. I'm Anthony Lockwood, of Lockwood & Co."

He stuck out a hand, and she blinked at him. She felt a bubble of nervous laughter lodged in her throat, almost half-inclined to believe that this was all a bit; he really was that ridiculously attractive. His dazzling smile faltered, morphing into one of concern, until Lucy knocked enough sense back into her to respond. She shook his hand, embarrassed, mumbling a greeting. He walked away, loosening his tie, and she buried her nose deeper into the paper, wishing it would just swallow her whole.

They had been terribly busy the past week, and during the day she would mostly tag along with Lucy, so their paths rarely crossed. There was this one time when he had just been coming down the stairs as she and Lucy were returning from their shopping trip. She froze halfway in the motion of taking her coat off, then shrugged it back on. He looked mildly confused. She was desperately confused. She didn't appreciate Lucy's snicker.

"New coat."

"Yeah. It's real warm."

"I can see that." Her coat looked not all that much bulkier than Lucy's, but she could still hear the smile in his voice as she pulled her gloves off. Somehow, she managed to coordinate her limbs enough to take the coat off and hang it like a normal person, before briskly walking up to the attic, the side of her face burning from when she passed Lockwood.

"It's real warm." Lucy wasted no time teasing her as soon as they were in the attic. She groaned.

"What else was I supposed to say?"

"You were really excited about the pockets at the shop."

"They're-"

"Faux fur-lined, yes, you've told me a thousand times." She gave a knowing half-smile. "Couldn't manage telling him once?"

"He'd think they were stupid. He'd think I was stupid." Even more stupid that he already thinks, she wanted to say. But who could blame him? For all he knew, she didn't have enough brain cells to string three coherent words together.

Their cases were tiring, but the routine was still so new that more often than not, she would be too wired to peacefully knock out in the attic with Lucy after their cases. She'd open the door to the attic just a crack, and listen to the soothing sounds of paperwork rustling in the library, watching the barely visible soft shadows of Lockwood moving about. She could glean that they were a little burdened by the absence of a pair of hands, and she had tried to offer her help, but all she got was distracted pats on the forehead as her words went in one ear and out the other. She couldn't blame them; they really did look stretched thin, which made her especially thankful for Lucy's company even at their busiest.

Still, that didn't stop her from carrying her blankets down to the door to the attic in the dead of the night, leaning her head against the banister. If she were lucky, she'd catch a faint strain of Lockwood humming. As cheery and disarming as he was, picturing him humming felt too intimate. The little that she could hear reverberated through her skull, the notes knocking into her other drifting thoughts about him, his British smile and his stormy London eyes. But the Lockwood she curiously dreamt of at night never reconciled with the Lockwood she saw walking and talking during the day, and so their relationship had come to a sort of standstill, where he would smile at her and she would take the first socially-acceptable chance to flee the room. Only, it was a bit harder to escape early in the morning when they were the only ones in the kitchen.

Fortunately, the others soon came, and the tension eased. Lucy came in, sleepily trying to scrounge up some tea while George went off on Lockwood about his sleep schedule, or lack thereof, while Lockwood tried to stuff his face and busy himself in gathering his documents to keep from answering. She took advantage of the bustle to discreetly sift through the drawers. Lucy had mentioned that they had a postage drawer somewhere, but she didn't want to be too much of a burden by asking again.

"George, lay off me, I've got to get to DEPRAC. Luce and I will meet you at the Archives and - oh, darling, we keep the stamps here." Lockwood paused his hunt for some brown, non-descript envelope to pull open a drawer between the two of them. She could feel her face starting to warm, but only because of the embarrassment, not the nickname. "Mailman should be coming around soon, so you might want to hurry. Luce, yesterday's client should be coming around near 5 and you promised Holly you'd do the invoices while she was away. Oh, what now George?" She ducked her head, muttering some thanks that went unheard as George tried to force out how many hours Lockwood had slept, practically chasing him out of the house. Lucy raised her eyebrows suggestively, which she pointedly ignored.

That day was the most dull one yet, where she rolled around the house like a lost penny, trying to occupy herself. A letter arrived some time in the late morning, and she took the liberty of starting its case report file. Lockwood was the first one free, arriving home a little after lunch. She told him as soon as she saw him, while he was still taking his coat off, forcing the words out before she lost her nerve.

"We got a new case while you were gone. I started its file."

"Wonderful. Thanks, love." He rolled up his sleeves, putting on the kettle, while she surreptitiously leaned against the wall for support, trying not to think about how effortlessly pet names dripped off his tongue, like honey, before she got too shaky in the knees. She pressed on.

"It was from a Lew-tenant Smith."

"Who?"

"Lew-tenant Smi..." her voice trailed off. No, that didn't sound right. She couldn't imagine any of them saying it like that. Lockwood briefly leaned over her shoulder, a faint smell of soap lingering around him, before his eyebrows unfurrowed and he returned to his tea.

"Oh, I see. We pronounce it as 'left-tenant.' Now, where's he staying?"

Oh dear. She wasn't entirely sure. "Erm, Ald-wykh?"

"Ald-wich, we call it."

"Ah." Some part of her wanted to apologise, but he was looking at her with a strange twist to his lips and a certain fondness was shining in her eyes that, once again, she was rendered speechless. A silence followed, and for once, she willed herself to bear it.

"You haven't been stuck at home all day, have you? Have you been outside during the day any time this week?"

"I, er-"

"Luce, what kind of a friend are you?" Lockwood spun around to accost Lucy, who had wandered into the living room to see the commotion, bleary-eyed from whatever lair she had retired to to iron out the paperwork. "Y/N must be feeling cooped up. We should make a day trip of it. We'll get a break one of these days, and we'll take you around London, do all of it: high tea, the West End, go to a pub, watch some rugby- how are you with heights? Interested in the London Eye?"

Lucy groaned, stealing Lockwood's tea. "I don't know how Holly does it."

"Well, for one, I don't think she lets it pile up like you do."

Lucy shot Lockwood a dirty look, taking his biscuit too before turning back apologetically. "I'm sorry, Y/N, but how about next week?"

She laughed, pulling a weak smile from Lucy. "Don't sweat it. Hopefully, I'll still be around then." Lucy waved goodbye, retiring to her mountains of paperwork.

"Well, there goes my tea. Would you like some...?"

"Tea? Oh, um, sure."

"Brilliant. See you outside in five minutes." With that, he left the kitchen. Once she had caught up to what had just happened, she slipped her coat on, joining him outside just as he hailed a cab.

Surprisingly, he hadn't been exaggerating: Lockwood was fully prepared to take her to each and every one of those attractions, no matter how long it took. In the end, they narrowed it down to a rainy cab ride to a play at the West End, with high tea afterwards, though they did get around to the rest in the coming weeks. Oddly enough, they never planned it beforehand. The occasional lull in cases would sneak up on them, Lockwood would wander into the living room where she would be fused to an armchair, and suddenly it would be time for yet another trip around London.

But now they were at high tea, tucking in to the fading sunlight and excitedly discussing the play. A wind blew through one of the open windows, and she shivered.

"Everything okay, love?"

"I'm fine. It's just a little draughty, don't you think?"

"A little what?"

"Dra - erm, like, it's windy?"

"Drafty."

"Oh, come now, that sounds nothing like how it's spelt. How was I supposed to know that?" He chuckled, shaking his head slightly, as he polished off his food. But she was feeling bold enough to not let it drop this time.

"You keep doing that! You smile and turn away or you laugh and it makes me feel like I've put my foot in something - "

"No, no, dear god, no." There he was, laughing again. She hoped he would choke; but not too hard, just enough to shock some sense into him. "You don't - it's not your fault; believe me, I'm just an awful person. It's just...you really try your very best at...everything, really." His eyes fixed on hers and she found herself wanting to never look away. "It's...endearing."

"I’m sorry. I know my accent isn’t the clearest-"

“No, it’s fine. I like it. It’s very unique, and…beautiful. I’d pick your voice out of a crowd.” She felt this warmth wash over, and then chills run down her spine. He made her all nervous and giggly on the inside in a way that made her want to lounge around London, indulging herself in useless thoughts of ridiculous London boys with addictive smiles and silver tongues.

But like all good things, their excursion came to an end. She found herself dragging her feet to the front door with a boy with whom she was too scared to be alone with just 12 hours ago.

"I hope you had fun today. Not feeling too homesick, are you?"

She thought back to the green meadows and lightning bugs that she had dreamed about in the early hours of that morning. That life still seemed so precious, so sacred, but now it was oddly distant, no longer something she yearned for.

"I don't think so. You know what they say, 'home is where the heart is,'" she looked up at him, unable to resist the smile tugging at her lips, her voice dropping to a whisper. "But I think the English aren't half-bad either."

"Not half-bad?" They were so close now, she could feel his breath tickling her forehead. Her heart stuttered. "I took you out to the West End, and you call it 'not half-bad.'"

"Well, there are certain exceptions."

"Like what?"

Her stomach threatened to explode with giddiness. She was having a hard time regulating her breathing and looking at him at the same time. God, she was never beating the 'stupid' allegations. "I don't know," she fibbed in a flimsy attempt to seem cool. "Like...like you."

In the end, it was his eyes that pulled her in, pulled her under, because one moment she was teetering on the precipice of something new and terrifying, and the next there was soft skin brushing her frozen face, warm lips on her chapped ones. He tasted like summer in this cold, dead winter, breathing life and wonder back into her. It was dizzying, exhilarating, heart-palpitations-inducing...it was Lockwood, surrounding and consuming all her senses.

He pulled away, and all she stared at him blankly, as if he had stolen the words at the tip of her tongue. He gave a half-smile, and she grinned at him. He opened the door for her, murmuring in her ear in a way that filled her brain with pleasant static. "After you, darling." She rolled her eyes reflexively as a defense mechanism, but still her heart fluttered. They walked in to find George sorting the mail, mildly peeved, mildly concerned.

"Ah, so you two finally decide to show up. You could've been dead in a ditch for all we know. Your dinner's gone cold, you know."

Lucy had skipped down the stairs once the front door opened, a little too immediately for her liking and now her eyes narrowed teasingly. All of a sudden, she had the embarrassing realisation how visible the front porch was from the attic. There was colour in Lucy's cheeks, which probably meant that she had somehow managed to work through all that paperwork. Drat. "I dunno. I think Mr. and Mrs. 'Darling' are- "

"Luce! Have I...told you about my coat pockets?"

Lucy rolled her eyes, heading back to the attic, while George shook his head and handed her a postcard. Lockwood's fingers lingered briefly on her wrist as he walked away, leaving her and her mind all topsy-turvy. With a start, she pulled herself away from delicious thoughts of Lockwood to the postcard in her hand. She scanned it eagerly, lips twitching as she reached the end of it. Her sister could be just as ridiculous and delusional as her sometimes, and she wasn't even in the same country.

Y/N -

Can't say much, haven't got the time. All's well here and we miss you dearly too. The house is just too quiet, but mum seems to be adjusting. We saw a picture of your boss in the paper the other day.

London boys truly are a different breed, aren't they?

Love, Lizzie.

[wolfjackle-creates]

Ghost!Robin Part 4

Here's your next part of the Ghost!Robin fic for WIP Wednesday. I'm gonna start putting fic designation in the title field rather than WIP Wednesday because I think it makes it easier to read.

Also, everyone came out in numbers for last week's segment! Damn! Thank you and I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this little fic of mine. We'll probably get one more week of this before I go back to Bring Me Home, but it'll depend what I feel like. I want to rework some of what I have written next.

First, Previous

1.1k words + a 464 word Omake (cut scene)

----------

Tim asked more details on the specs of the PDA which Danny happily answered. The things he built with Tucker were always his favorite inventions.

“So are you in school to become an engineer or something?” asked Dick who’d gotten Damian calmed down and sitting. The boy had gotten his knife back and was spinning it in his hands. Bruce seemed to be fondly exacerbated by the scene. Robin had pulled out a ghostly weapon and was trying to copy Damian’s movements, though he wasn’t quite as adept.

Danny shook his head to Dick’s question. “Nah. Hard to get into engineering school when you fail high school.” Danny narrowed his eyes as Damian’s mouth opened, but Dick whispered in his ear again and the boy didn’t say anything.

“I ended up dropping out of high school and getting a GED,” said Tim. “It can work just as well.”

Robin was nodding along and pointing at himself, too. Had he died before he could complete his schooling, too?

“I’m sure. It’s just not a priority for me right now. I don’t need one for my job and I can’t become an astronaut because of my accident when I was fourteen.”

Dick was nodding, but Tim looked confused and asked, “Fourteen? I thought you had your accident when you were older?”

“Why would you think that?” Had he or Jazz made any reference to when his accident was? “No, it happened when I was fourteen. A few weeks before I started my freshman year of high school.

Before Tim could ask anything else, Steph called out from the other side of the room. “Did you say you wanted to be an astronaut? Totally awesome. What made you pick that?”

“I honestly don’t know why everyone doesn’t want to be astronauts! Space is so cool. We can learn so much about the universe by studying it in closer detail. And with how many aliens are now living at least part time on Earth, it only makes sense to explore and see what else might be out there.”

Bruce nodded at him. “I am sorry you aren’t able to become one.”

Danny just waved a hand in the air. “I came to terms with it a long time ago. And my current job is fine. Might not be what I would’ve chosen, but I’ve made it work for me.” Deciding he should change the subject before someone had the brilliant idea to ask more about his accident or job, he asked, “So what is for dinner, anyway? You’ve all talked about how amazing the food is, but what are we having?”

Someone tried to speak up, but Jason held up a hand. “I’m the one who helped Alfie cook. Demon-brat is vegetarian so we have a vegetarian curry. If you like meat, there’s a prime rib roast. Then a half dozen different sides—vegetables, rice, potatoes. Huge salad with all the fixings and a dozen different dressings to choose from. And dessert after.”

“Damn, that sounds amazing. I haven’t had a good home cooked meal in ages, so I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“Has your Grandpa been keeping you that busy?” asked Jazz.

“That, but also getting things in order to take this evening off. There’s just been a lot. I’m spending the night at yours, by the way.”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

Danny knew he could rely on Jazz.

“Ooh, do you have any good stories about Jazz as a kid?” asked Jason.

Laughing, Danny said, “So many! But I don’t think we’ll be able to get to those tonight. I’ve a feeling you’ll be interested in other things by that point.” At his words, Robin grinned and pointed at himself. Danny gave him a slight nod to confirm that yes, they’d be talking about him.

Before Jason could ask for clarification, Alfred came in to announce dinner was ready.

Robin cheered and flew over to sit on Alfred’s shoulders, hand extended, to lead the way to the dinning room. Danny couldn’t hold back the chuckle and Jazz shot him a look which he ignored.

“There better be a place setting for you, Alfie!” called Jason as they followed.

“You made your opinion quite clear, Master Jason. And as I wish to meet your young lady and her brother as well, I have set myself a plate at the main table.”

Tim leaned over to whisper to Danny. “Alfred considers his role as butler very important. He rarely eats with the rest of us unless we join him in the kitchen.”

Danny nodded to show he understood, but had no idea how to actually reply to that. It seemed needlessly complicated.

Once they made it to the dining room, Danny grinned as Robin did a flip off of Alfred’s shoulders and landed sitting down on one of the place settings facing the associated chair. He bit his cheek to keep from laughing as Jason sat down at that same place. Jazz took a seat next to him and Danny sat to her other side. Dick ended up sitting next to him.

The scents of all the food wafting off the table made his mouth water and he closed his eyes just to breathe it in. “This smells amazing. Thanks Alfred. And Jason.”

Even Robin had moved to look over every dish, reaching out a hand to try and take something and sighing when he just phased through it.

Even Jazz looked a bit overwhelmed at the quantity of food. “This is so much effort. You didn’t have to do all this just for Danny and me.”

Bruce smiled at her. “It is so rare for all of us to be together for dinner so we make a spectacle of it any time it happens. And this is the first time Jason has ever brought anyone with him which makes it an even bigger event.”

Danny nudged her. “So, Jazz, what’s it like living with someone who can cook?”

Jason laughed. “Jazz isn’t allowed in the kitchen. You know, I caught her grabbing my chef’s knife before going into the fridge the other day!”

Danny furrowed his brow. “Of course she did. It’s a fridge.”

“Wait, is that a family trait? Why do you grab a knife to open the fridge? There’s gotta be a good story behind that.”

Before Danny could make the obvious statement regarding attacking food, Jazz elbowed him. “We’ll tell you later. It has to do with our parents and that’s a large topic and not one we should get into now.”

Before Danny could ask any questions about what the big deal was, Dick nudged him. “Which do you want—curry or beef?”

---------

Omake

Ignoring all of it, Danny shook his head and answered Dick. “Nah. Hard to get into college when you fail high school and are legally dead.”

Multiple people, including Jason, exclaimed at that statement and he looked to Jazz.

“Did Jazz not tell you about that? Our parents swear they saw my ghost and had me declared legally dead. I was missing at the time so the coroner agreed. Sighting the ghost of a missing person is all you need to confirm death in Amity.”

Under her breath, Jazz added, “You were only missing because they had you.”

Danny elbowed her and quietly chirped a Safe now.

Bruce was no longer smiling and was looking at Danny with narrowed eyes. “Your parents had you declared dead.”

“Yeah. It’s fine, though. I’ve an amazing doctor if I get into trouble. My grandfather is watching out for me. I’m financially stable. My partners are able to rent an apartment large enough for all three of us. I have other places to stay when I’m traveling. Honestly, it doesn’t impact my life all that much. Just means I’m not gonna go to college. And only reason I wanted to go to college was to be an astronaut, but my health makes that impossible.”

“Hn…” Bruce hummed.

And Danny had no idea what that meant, but Robin was now laughing, and Dick was exchanging grins with Tim, and Steph and Cass were whispering together. Damian was glaring at him even harder, blade hilt gripped in his hand. These people were strange.

Danny looked over at Jazz who shrugged. Jason was glaring at Bruce and said, “Don’t you dare.”

“Look, it’s really not a big deal. I know it’s kinda a messed up situation, but ghosts are generally treated really well in Amity. As well as any living human, at least. So long as you avoid the Guys in White and my parents that is. So outside of interactions with them, nothing has changed.”

“If you are ever in need of a place to stay or a meal or anything, you’ll have a room here,” offered Bruce.

Robin landed on Danny’s shoulders and was sending out happy-celebrate feelings. Steph handed Cass a few bills. Tim and Dick mimed giving each other fist bumps. Jason put his head in his hands and groaned. Duke was grinning at them all.

Damian half stood and said, “Father—!”

But Dick was at his side and pulling him back down to the couch with an arm around his shoulders, hand over his mouth, and whispering into his ear before he could do more than say the one word.

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal.” Trying to think of anyway to change the subject, he asked, “So what’s for dinner, anyway?”

And for the Tag List! (Which absolutely exploded this week. Holy shit.)

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Next

@addie-lover-of-stories, @justwannabecat, @gin2212, @amercurio, @regonold, @overtherose, @readerzj, @sjrose1216, @echoednonny, @deeterzz, @blu-lilac, @number-one-jew, @rowanaway-fromthisbs, @vythika96, @tired-yet-awaken, @themirrorghost, @all-mights-asscheeks, @darkhinauniverse, @blep-23, @phandomhyperfixationblog, @larkcoe1, @thegatorsgoose, @job-ross-the-second, @britcision, @lenacraft, @bubblemixer, @androgynouslordofescapism, @purefrickingspite, @leftmiraclechaos, @lizisipancardo, @starlight-sparks, @miraculousandmore, @gildedphoenix, @sometimesthingsfallapart, @letmesayfuxk, @phoenixcatch7, @skulld3mort-1fan, @abaowo, @dhampir-princess, @idkmrpianoman, @sarina-elais, @ballzfrog-blog, @undead-essence, @spookytragedyshark, @emeraldcorpral

The celebration post for 100 followers will be going out in another day or two! I've just had a really busy few weeks and didn't do as much writing as I was hoping for. But I hope to finish writing today and then I'll just take a few hours to edit.

[graneymar]

Hello ✨ 

Can I have Neymar x Reader that the reader is Davi's mother, but they both broke up (like Carol and Ney), but the reader still loves Ney, and when he gets hurt (2014 World Cup), the reader is with him and takes care of him all the time, making Ney realize that the person who really loves him is the reader, in the end they are back as a family again 

your writing is very good, I love it! 💗 Sorry, English is not my primary language.

#12. NEYMAR: BACK TO YOU

SUMMARY: above

WARNINGS: none

PAIRING: Neymar x fem!reader

"Look Davi, who's there?", I said smiling, pointing at Neymar. "Papai!", Davi exclaimed happily. Neymar immediately noticed us and blew his son a kiss.

The Brazilian national team was warming up for their match against Colombia that was going to start in 30 minutes.

"Oh, hey Y/N", Rafaella greeted me, giving me a short hug. She instantly took Davi out of my arms and smooched him a hundreds of times. "I didn’t expect you to come", she continued, her focus still on her nephew. I shrugged, "I felt like I needed to finally show my support as well now that they’re in the quarterfinals. It was about damn time I attend a match."

Rafa nodded, "Yeah, we've been waiting to finally see you again." She pointed at her parents that sat down right behind us. I greeted them politely before turning around to watch Neymar and his teammates.

Actually, I tried to avoid Neymar and spend as little time with him as possible. We broke up three years ago, right after I gave birth to our son. It was his decision and I still wasn’t completely fine with it if I was being honest. I tried to get over him a million times, but every time he called, even if it was only to hear his sons voice, or came over to pick up Davi, my heart still was racing; I still felt those butterflies in my stomach. We could’ve been a match made in heaven, in my opinion at least, but Neymar seemed to look at it differently. He jumped from one relationship to another, letting me think it was easy to forget about me. Yes, he hurt me, but I couldn’t even blame him. Just because I was unable to become interested in someone else than him, didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to find love and happiness.

Rafaella and I always remained good friends though. She also was the only one who knew about my feelings for Neymar. When we got drunk one time, I accidentally told her, crying my heart out.

——————————————————————————

We were all cheering for Brazil, until only ten minutes before the end of the match, Colombia had a penalty - and scored. It didn’t mean much to me since Brazil was still about to win with two goals, but I noticed the match getting wilder, the Colombians seemed to feel pressured and became more aggressive.

There were only three minutes left when I saw Neymar laying on the ground - again. He has been fouled countless times throughout the match, but I realised something was off the moment Marcelo called the doctors to come. Neymar wouldn’t stop screaming and crying, it looked like he was even unable to move. I watched the staff carrying him off the field and started panicking. Whatever just happened was far from an 'ordinary' injury, I have never seen Neymar like this before. Tears started forming in my eyes, my whole body shivered. I quickly gave Davi to Rafaella and ran down the stairs, heading right into the building. I followed Neymars screams and shouts as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "Neymar!", I shouted out when I finally found him. Staff and doctors were surrounding him. One of them tried to move Neymars leg, which had to be incredibly painful according to how he cried out. "Y/N", he mumbled a few seconds later, just now noticing I was standing beside him, "Are you crying?" Seeing him in pain, not knowing what was going on, I couldn’t hold myself back from bursting out into tears. "Bebê, não chora. Estou bem. [Baby, don't cry. I'm good]" He tried to fake a smile but the pain was clearly visible in his eyes. He got carried away again, while all I did was silently pray that he'd be okay.

——————————————————————————

"Let me help you with your stuff", Neymar said as I entered his apartment with three bags and Davi on my arm. I looked at him in disbelief. "Boy, you're in a fucking wheelchair. You won’t touch a thing, understood?" He rolled his eyes. Obviously he was annoyed at how he couldn’t help with anything, but thinking of the fact that he almost got paralysed, I preferred him being mad at me than see him hurt again. "You really don’t have to do all of this, Y/N. I would’ve called my mom or sister if I needed something", he insisted.

"Mhm, okay, and who will clean the house, who will make sure you don’t slip while showering, who will stop you from doing shit you’re not supposed to do?", I asked raising my eyebrows. Davi already found his way to his fathers lap. "Ahh, you want to shower with me?", Neymar smirked. I held back a laugh, but couldn’t stop myself from grinning widely, "No idiot, I'm just making sure you do not slip, fall and break your neck."

Now that Neymar was finally home after being in the hospital for days, I decided Davi and I would stay at his place so I could take care of him until he got better. Of course his family tried to support him too, but Neymar has always been too stubborn. He was convinced he could do everything on his own. This way, he would’ve pushed his friends and family away sooner or later. I wouldn’t allow him to do me like that, so he knew he had no other choice than let me help him.

The first week passed. I tried my best to keep the house clean, we cooked together, watched a lot of movies and played around with Davi, who was the happiest to finally have both of his parents around. Even the bond between Neymar and me became much better again. We were finally able to talk to each other and hang out without making it somehow awkward. Whenever Davi was already asleep, we would drink one or two glasses of wine, play video games or simply talk for hours. This made me realise how much I missed his presence, but also how much love I actually had left for him. And it was a whole lot.

It was in the middle of the night when I heard a loud noise. "Shit", I murmured to myself. I quickly jumped out of the bed, still tried to be as quiet as possible to not wake Davi up. Getting out of the room, I saw the bathroom lights shine from under the door. I heard Neymar inaudibly cursing himself out. "Hey there, are you okay?", I asked as I softly knocked on the door. "I'm fine", he coldly answered. I rolled my eyes at the mister showing off his attitude again. "Can I come in?"

"Y/N, I said I'm fine. Go sleep or do whatever you want", he replied in a kind of mad tone. I took a deep breath and decided to wait for him to come out, so I could check if he was actually alright.

Only a few seconds later I heard some banging again. "Okay whether you want me to or not, I'm coming in now", I warned him before swinging the door open. There he was, sitting on the floor, looking up at me in frustration and disappointment. "Where’s your wheelchair?"

"I tried to walk on crutches", he said pointing at them laying on the floor. "Ney", I started as I sat down next to him, "You know you're too weak yet. The doctor said you need to use the wheelchair for at least another week." He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. "It would’ve been fine if there wasn’t any water on the floor. I slipped, just like you predicted it would happen", he said, a small grin formed in his face at the last part. "Are you okay though? Does anything hurt?" He shook his head left and right, his eyes wandering to the floor. "Y/N, why are you doing all of this?" My brows furrowed at his question. "You do not owe me anything, we’ve been barely talking lately and yet you are the one who’s really there for me. I'm just trying to understand where this is coming from", he explained. I softly smiled. "Remember how I said you could always count on me, no matter what? I promised you - good times, bad times, whatever might happen between us, I would always be there for you. And you know I'm not one to break promises." He chuckled, but his facial expression again turned serious in a matter of second. "But that was before I hurt you." I nodded as I got flashbacks of how broken I was after he called it quits. "To be honest, I often think back and regret it. Leaving you was probably the dumbest decision I've ever made. We could’ve been a happy family now", he said, breaking the silence. "No, it wasn’t stupid of you. There’s no reason to stick around when the love is gone. You've been honest with me and looking back, I can finally say I appreciate and respect you for it. It would‘ve been worse if you played pretend instead", I answered.

"But… but what if… what if the love was never gone?", he suddenly said. My eyes widened. What the hell was he talking about? "I broke up with you because I was naive and egoistic, not because I didn’t love you. I wanted to see what life has to offer, thought I could do better - but I couldn’t. The last days I realised that everything I was looking for the last years was what I left behind… and I'm afraid I'm not getting the chance to get it back." I swallowed hard at his words. There were only two options to what would happen now: Either I was about to become the happiest woman on Earth or this would be the biggest disappointment I experienced in a long time. "Can you please say something?", he interrupted my thoughts. "What do you want me to say Neymar? I'm confused, I'm not sure what you’re on about."

"Do you think that there’s a possibility of us getting back together?" After hesitating for a short moment, I nodded in response. His lips formed a sweet smile and his eyes lit up, "Really?"

"I've been thinking the same, I just didn’t expect you to feel this way", I told him. My heart was racing, I got absolutely weak in the knees. "I didn’t start feeling this way just now, it’s been quite a while", he admit. We simply sat there, looking deeply into each others eyes, both of us grinning like crazy. Neymar was slowly leaning for a kiss that I was about to return, when we heard some weird noises. Turning our heads to the bathroom door, we saw our toddler staying there, expressing his disgust by acting like he’s puking. "Baby, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you sleeping?", I asked, trying to hide the fact that I was slightly blushing. Davi babbled something that I was unable to understand until Neymar replied to him. "Sim", he laughed, "Mommy and Daddy like each other a lot." Davi again crinkled his nose in disgust and walked out of the room. "Get used to it, meu filho [my son]", Neymar shouted after him. I slightly slapped his shoulder, both of us bursted out into laughter.

"Where did we stop again?", he smirked before finally crashing his lips onto mine. "Another one", he whispered after we pulled away from each other.

[myobsessionsspace]

Hi! This is a reply to the anon asking about Jungkook and his songwriting process. I work in a creative field and have many friends who work in creative fields so that has a big influence on how I view this topic.

The first thing I want to talk about is how every person has a completely different creative process. But one thing I have noticed is that contrary to popular belief most people do not get inspiration from hard times or going through difficult experiences. For most people the inspiration comes from having grown as a person, the conversations and things that helped them during those times or from totally different things. Most of the time feeling bad can block you from feeling inspiration or being creative alltogether. And I believe this is also true for Jungkook. I don't think he is a person who gets inspired by difficult life experiences.

Another thing is that from what I have seen he seems to get a lot of inspiration and joy from the process of making itself. This is how inspiration works for a lot of people. People get ideas by working very hard, doing other parts of the project and practicing a lot. Inspiration is not something that just happens most of the time, it's something that you work on. It's not as romantic as getting inspired by big life events or getting struck by an idea but it is very fun.

It makes complete sense to me how he talked about wanting to focus on how to use his voice and the more technical aspects of making music. I also think he is not someone who is creative in a language focussed way. I don't think he is a storyteller like RM. RM likes to make people think and get them engaged in thinking about life, society and other big topics.

I think the thing that Jungkook enjoys the most is how he can make people feel and that he can make them forget about everything for a while and help them really be in the moment. That makes him have different goals in his songwriting and creative process. Lyrics and what the song is about are not his main focus and he is comfortable letting other people do that part for him. His focus is more on how he can express the feelings of the song in the best way (using his voice, instruments, tempo etc.). And also I think that he is most interested in and talented at the parts that are seen as less interesting by a lot of people. Or that are more behind the scenes and less visible to the average person.

He is very good in expressing himself in other ways than language. The most important ways being visual (think about his editing and photography), through dance and through sound. He loves singing and playing around with his voice and he loves dancing and performing.

And he does express himself alot. He shows his feelings on his face and with his whole body and he seems to really be himself in every situation. But I think he is someone who really lives in the moment and he doesn't dwell on his feelings once he is done feeling them. I don't think he is someone who processes their feelings through language or talking. And I would not be surprised if it takes him a very long time to process his feelings. He probably does it on his own when he is somewhere he feels safe and comfortable. So deep conversations about his feelings and thoughts is probably something we will never see from him.

Maybe it's because I am very similar to him in a lot of ways but to me he doesn't seem hard to understand at all. Everything he says and does makes so much sense to me. I have the easiest time understanding him out of all the members. Hope that helps!

in reference to this ask

Yes, yes, yes!⬆️⬆️⬆️

Thank you lovely for your thoughts and insights.

I was also thinking about the creative that Jungkook is and how he also uses film, photography, art of different mediums to express himself too.

There’s so much that we can add, and I appreciate you and anyone else adding to this conversation.

Thank you 💜

[intrulogical]

shakes you. YOU DON'T GET IT GUYS!!! working through intrusive thoughts is one of the best sasi episodes for how much it reveals about logan and remus and yes i am biased to intrulogical but there is!!!! a reason!!!!

obviously beforehand we just acknowledged remus as one of the people logan debated against throughout the series but no THIS time we have to acknowledge how they're two sides of the same coin!! they r the same kind of character!! there's an implied deeper narrative connection between these two by how much remus KNOWS about logan's vulnerabilities and actively pushes his buttons more than any other side does to get him to snap!!!

to explain, one of the reasons this episode is so important is because we gain the opportunity to learn more about remus as a character. in dwit, we're just introduced to his personality— gruesome, random LOL humor, a bother. but what wtit establishes is how he perceives being viewed as a bother AND how his "random LOL" personality is actually more deliberate than what we thought it is.

one— remus is bothered by being ignored. "you're going to pretend i don't exist so i'm gonna pretend you don't exist" is the BIGGEST evidence of that, coupled with the fact that this sentence exactly mirrors what apparition!nico said to thomas. in fact, the fact that these two match completely proves that what remus is projecting onto thomas through nico isn't just thomas' insecurities but some of remus' as well. this is my first talking point on why i think remus and logan are different sides of the same coin. they are suppressed!!! they are LITERALLY fighting for thomas' attention in the episode.

and they both lose. holy shit guys. they r literally the sides thomas hate the most and they literally both lose and thomas doesn't listen to them and!!! ARE YOU HEARING ME THEY R NARRATIVE MIRRORS!!!!!

and second— i'd love to add that remus is proven to be extremely deliberate. people like to write remus as someone "who does anything he wants for no reason" but that's not the entire story. think of it this way: remus HAS left-field goals and aspirations, but he is extremely committed to fulfilling them, which makes him deliberate. his entire thing in wtit is to bother thomas as much as possible, and he stays COMMITTED to that. he has plans and he thinks and he's smarter than what most people believe. why do you think he had a notepad w all his plans written on it????

again, he IS a mirror to logan, not only in methodology but end goals??? like do you ever wonder what role remus serves as a side. and i mean obviously he's intrusive thoughts and we all hate intrusive thoughts, but in essence, each side believes they are benefiting thomas whether you agree with their methods or not. remus imposes his ideas onto thomas because he believes them to be beneficial. in this situation where thomas is at his lowest, remus actually serves an interesting role of being thomas' alarm clock.

what do i mean by that? what i mean is, so much of the series shows the sides seemingly finding a perfect solution for each predicament they go through. but in reality, thomas going through issues by himself is SUPER unhealthy and unrealistic. remus serves as a reality checker to thomas. the more intrusive thoughts thomas receives in uncontrollable amounts, the more thomas would realize that hey, maybe i SHOULD go see a therapist for my problems.

AGAIN, ANOTHER MIRROR TO LOGAN BC I CAN'T GET ENOUGH. logan is the one who imposes the alarms in wtit to remind thomas to do certain chores. these two are basically cues for thomas to actually RESPOND to his mental health issues, but logan is more solution-based while remus is more emotion-based.

AND THEY R WHAT, STILL NOT LISTENED TO! but the important thing to realize is that, w so many implications about them being mirrors, something is Bound to happen, specifically to logan, that would eventually reach thomas and slap him into reality. remus and logan share the same goal, after all— to be listened to and for thomas to recognize his mental health issues. when remus says "gee logan now you're speaking my language" after logan got mad at him, remus is saying "now you understand why i use emotion as a means of getting other people's attention (and i hope you know who to use that against next time)" AND THAT MAKES ME INSANE. REMUS AND LOGAN R INSANE. they r scary powerful as a tandem and may change the course of thomas' life in the future and PLEASE SEE MY VISION Y'ALL THEY R MIRRORS

[overgrownmoon]

ok i wanna talk about “fixing minecraft” in the same way the post i just reblogged did but in a different way so i’m making my own post instead

things i agree with: yes minecraft is a sandbox!!! there is no one right or wrong way to play and enjoy it!! the beauty of how and why it’s still so popular is bc of that freedom! if ur bored after speedrunning netherite and the end man that’s ur problem go find more stuff to do, get mods, etc. it’s not the games purpose to give you goals, you have to make them for yourself.

however

my personal frustration with the game is how disconnected the new features feel from the rest of the game. i feel like mojang has been putting all of their effort into making NEW mechanics with NEW mobs and NEW items and have completely ignored the possibility of returning to old items and mechanics and giving them a chance to shine again. horses are fun and whimsical, but they haven’t been touched in ages; furnace minecarts are still functionally useless; and glow squids don’t do jack shit, man, i legit don’t see the appeal of making your item frame shiner?

what i want is for mojang to go back to these old features and give them some new life. it’s impossible to keep every feature relevant, but it is possible to take some of these old features and connect them to new updates or just give them more stuff they can do. i’m pissed that chains don’t connect minecarts together into trains! i would love to see buggies that you could stick onto your horse or llama pack to haul your stuff for you! what if putting glowberries and glowsacks in a crafting table made glowsticks? what about dying redstone lamps different colors? put a dispenser on a boat to make a cannon? copper pipes to transport water or copper wires that let redstone signals travel vertically or underwater?

it’s these kinds of ideas i want - just some way to show us that they haven’t forgotten about these old features and are interested in doing something with them instead of just letting them fall to the wayside and rot. there is so much potential being wasted here. it makes me sad. not every feature has to cater to every player, but i miss the older minecraft design of finding something new and wondering “wow, what can i do with this?” and messing around, combining it with different things in different ways until it works. nowadays i feel like i need a field guide for everything. maybe it’s because i’ve been playing the game for so many years… but i miss that feeling of discovery.

[matan4il]

Buddie 602 meta

I mentioned with this gif that Buck and Eddie really were more than battlefield boyfriends in this ep, they were work husbands. Yes, they did their thing where they turned around in sync shortly after they arrived at the “lust tunnel” call, but even after they were back at the station, they observed a sleeping Hen together, somewhere between worried about her and poking fun at her. See, the show could have had Chim there for this bit as well. It did have him there when the guys later spill popcorn over Hen. But no, we get a tiny reminder that the only ones who are truly attached at the hip, who naturally turn to each other, who choose to be that joined together every chance they get, on and off the field, are Buck and Eddie. ~ ~

Remember back in ep 102, Buck talked about how, unlike with the Navy SEALS, what he loved about being a firefighter is that he got to be the tough guy, but also to help people (without becoming a machine)? I was hit by how much this parallels Eddie, who also had emotional issues due to his service in the army, but on calls like the “love tunnel” one, he still gets to be the tough guy, binding the hands of an attempted murderer, while serving as a peace officer. I just love how much the show stresses that Buddie will always get each other better than anyone else will, because they’re just so similar when it comes to the most important things in life in terms of who they are and what they need. They’re essentially made for each other. ~ ~

Buck resorting to a self help book reminded me of him in 406, reading about the different love languages. I thought it was an interesting link (even visually) to remind us that while his journey is leading him to currently choose being single, it is ultimately connected to his desire for romantic love as well. Not because every self-discovery search has to, but we’re reminded that for him personally, that’s something that he deeply craves. His journey will be complete when in addition to himself, he’ll find and get to enjoy this love that he’s been dreaming of for so long. ~ ~

Allow me to go wild (and geeky) for a second. The guy that they treat (and fail to save) at the happiness convention? His name is Lev. I might have mentioned in the past that I’m a name geek (I even once contemplated making a resource post for fans and creators in the 911 fandom about the meaning and origin of characters’ names on the show), so right away, my ears pricked up. I know that it’s revealed the patient’s name is ‘Nathan Levinson.’ But it’s a late reveal, towards the very end of the ep. For most of that call, they refer to him as ‘Lev,’ which is actually a first name as well. It has two possible meanings, depending on its origin. One is that it comes from Russian and means lion. Which might be a play on the name of the actor portraying Lev. He’s called Arye, and his name in Hebrew means lion. If this is what the show was going for, it would be pretty cool, and it would def indicate that they pay attention to an actor’s real life background. But then consider the other option. ‘Lev’ is also a Hebrew name, which means ‘heart.’ Arye Gross, the character’s actor, is Jewish himself, and ‘Levinson’ is a Jewish last name, which seems to suggest that the Hebrew interpretation for Lev’s name is the right one. This would mean that the patient who Buck related so deeply to and who Eddie noticed was really close for a very long time with his friends -  they’re all literally call him ‘heart.’ To top that all off, playing on the meaning of the word heart in a romantic context is brought up in this very ep, between Hen and Karen. So when we add all that to the fact that, as I’ve mentioned in previous weekly meta posts, we have had an ongoing heart theme with Buck and Eddie for a while now, you hopefully get why I feel there’s significance to this name choice. ~ ~

Lev obviously is meant to be another Red (from ep 316) for Buck. Unlike Red, Lev’s not a firefighter, he’s “just” a patient they lost, but because of where Buck is at this moment in his life, the encounter’s enough to shake him up. Just like Red basically came along and showed Buck that work isn’t everything, and that it doesn’t matter how much you give it your all, you still might end up lonely, Lev showed him that in every walk of “normative” life (career, wife, kids, possessions) you might do the same and still end up sad. Obviously, this is going to leave Buck feeling like he needs to try out new things, find a new direction that might lead him to that being at ease and happy that he’s been looking for (especially as the people he usually looks up to for answers can’t provide them right now: Bobby’s away dealing with his own family crisis, while Hen is a little lost herself). But I find it interesting, ‘coz this ep actually gave us an indication of what Lev might have ended up with. He doesn’t figure out the meaning to life and happiness when he’s injured, or during the following talk. He appears to find it after he chooses to make a sacrifice in order to save another person’s life and learns that was successful. I just find it very curious that at the end of the day, it’s implied the answer he found is what Buck already has, saving others. So I suspect (sorry to be drifting a bit into speculation territory) that this is the conclusion that Buck will eventually get to as well, that he’s had what he needs to be happy all along. And if you remember my meta for 601, that seemed to be the implied conclusion there as well, with the moving of the armchair. That Buck will eventually realize what makes him happiest, is what he already has, he just needs to redefine things a little. So all of this together feels like it’s further strengthening the idea that eventually, as part of his quest for self-realization and happiness, Buck is also going to figure out he already has the love he’s been searching for... ~ ~

Thank you so much for reading and for any and all support, like unbelievably kind tags in reblogs! Thank you also for the amazing gifs to the incredible @whosoldherout​​, who just knocks it outta the park. You can also find more of my Buddie fics, gifs and meta, if you’re interested. Thank you again! xoxox

[skylarmoon71]

Miguel O'Hara (Across The Spiderverse) - Chapter 2

If he thought he could get out of it, that was almost impossible now with how ecstatic Lyla got.

 Typing in the coordinates, he was already jumping through the spiraling portal. His feet landed on a rooftop and he straightened, looking over the city.

“Lyla, pull up her file.”

“You betcha.”

The golden icon of a folder popped up and a number of sheets opened. Miguel’s eyes ran over all that he could, settling on one particular piece of information.

“She’s a counselor at Alchemax.” He muttered.

Lyla nodded.

“Your watch has aligned with the time zone, so she should be getting out in about twenty minutes. Maybe you can catch her.” She snapped away the documents and Miguel pushed ahead to the coordinates. The lab was at least twenty minutes away, so he would cut it close.

Feet hitting each hard surface, he swung, jumped and dodged until he arrived at his destination. When he landed on the building adjacent to Alchemax, he stopped. His gaze dropped down and maybe two minutes later you were walking out the building, ID card hanging off your neck, business suit neat, surprisingly so.

“There she is!!” Lyla pointed excitedly, expecting Miguel to just drop in but he didn’t make a move. He just watched you walk down the street.

“Are we waiting for something?” Lyla asked, confused.

“Yes, we are.”

You stopped at the crosswalk, and his eyes narrowed. Just as the light changed you crossed the road and he was stunned.

“I’m not sure if you understand the concept of a pep talk. You actually have to speak to the person.”

Miguel’s blank expression spoke for itself. Taking off, he was careful, staying at just the right distance that he could see you without making his presence known.

“Are we looking for something?”

“We are. It’s been at least three minutes and she hasn’t crashed into everything in sight.”

Lyla placed a hand under her chin.

“You're right. That’s strange.”

It was. He couldn’t fathom why you seemed almost like a different person here. That’s why he tracked you all the way to what looked like an orphanage. His feet stopped, and this time he dove on a smaller building that was directly next to the building. You seemed completely oblivious to his presence.

His eyes watched you walk right through the gate and the second the children playing outside spotted you, they were laughing and sprinting in your direction. The many bodies crashed right into you and you fell with a laugh of your own as they tackled you in hugs.

His eyes softened at the sight.

“Ms. Reilly, look I grew two inches!” The child exclaimed standing upright.

You finally got to your feet, staring in astonishment.

“Are you kidding me! I’ve only been gone for a week. If you get any bigger you'd be taller than me.” The girl looked proud and you gestured for them to gather over the porch. They all flocked around in a circle as you took a seat, pulling out a book from your handbag.

“What are we reading today?” You asked. You held out the book and the smallest lifted her hand as she read the text.

“I-It says psychology.”

“Very good Anne.” You praise.

She looked proud and the others smiled in her direction with little giggles. You settled back in.

“This is for beginners, it’s a tough read but you guys kept asking so I had to. This is actually the one I started with when I got into my field. Back then I was pretty inexperienced. I made a lot of mistakes as an intern.”

“What, that’s crazy, you’re the best!” You smiled.

“I’m better now, but even adults like me struggle sometimes. Actually I’ve recently joined a club and it’s not going so well. I might have made my boss mad.”

“What did you do?” Another child urged.

“I sort of knocked out one of his colleagues during training. Then I broke some of his tech and lost his really special watch.”

Some of them were laughing, because they were somewhat aware of your clumsy nature.

Miguel couldn’t truly get himself to say much. Lyla was watching with the same level of interest.

“It’s okay, I’m sure he knows you’re just nervous. We still love you even if you’re clumsy Ms. Reilly!”

The statement earned nods of agreement and your lower lip quivered.

“G-Group hug!!” You yelled.

In a matter of seconds they were all rushing and you were once again playfully crushed under them. Miguel’s head turned at the sounds of their laughter.

“Wow, you’re a monster.” Lyla commented.

“How is this my fault!!”

She shrugged, and Miguel’s annoyed expression was planted on his face the entire trip back.

The situation was eye opening. If he felt bad before, he feels worse now. That’s why he’d sent a message for you to check in. He fully expected you to walk into the room suited up, but when he turned you were dressed in sweats and a hoodie.

“I’d like to quit.”

That’s not what he expected at all. He straightened in his spot, now focused. He could see the conflict in your eyes. This was obviously something you’d been thinking about for a while.

“I’m not really cut out for this hero stuff. That day on the bridge was just a fluke. I’m really glad Peter introduced me to everyone but I think it’s better if I stay away from all things hero. It’s only a matter of time before I accidentally do some real damage. If I end up hurting someone I..”

You gulp.

“I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

You’d already come to terms with it. This whole thing must have been a mistake. These abilities, it’s clear they weren’t meant for you. Being a hero was the last thing you should be attempting. You’re just disappointed that it took you so long to see it.

“I’ll drop my watch off in the lab.”

You didn’t want to see anymore of his looks of disappointment. You’d already had your full quota in the last month.

Turning, you walk away.

“So you’re giving up.”

His words caused you to halt in place.

“It didn’t go the way you wanted, so you’re done. If that’s all it takes then you’re probably right, you don’t belong here.”

Spinning around, you’re a bit angry. You couldn’t believe he was saying that after you’d spent the better part of those four weeks getting pummeled just trying to prove yourself.

“I-I’m not giving up because I want to!”

“Another excuse.”

“W-What the hell do you want from me!!”

“I want you to prove to me that this wasn’t a mistake. Every person that has ever come in here was brought here by fate. Those gifts you have could have been given to anyone, but you got it. There’s a reason you did. If you just walk away, then you’re saying that I’m wrong. I’m basically a genius, are you really trying to tell me that I’m wrong.”

His logic didn’t make much sense and he looks pretty pissed, but you can’t help but feel a bit of comfort. He could have just as easily let you walk out, but he’s actually trying to encourage you.

The very same person who lacked faith in you the moment you walked through those doors. You’re not sure if it’s pity, or if he truly believes that you might have potential, but you actually smile, despite the tears that had been threatening to spill. You sniffle, wiping the one that does slip out.

With a nod, you straighten your form as you march right back over to him. Stopping right in front of him, you hold out your hand.

“T-Thank you Mr. O’ Hara, I won’t let you down!”

Your confidence has returned and his expression doesn’t truly change, but he reaches over and takes your hand.

“You better not.”

You’re nodding frantically. You mean to pull back your hand, but you apparently forget to open your palm and Miguel is startled at the force applied as his body is yanked and crashes right into your own. You both hit the ground with a groan. Your eyes are closed due to the harsh impact, and when they finally open you practically gape.

Your eyes are wide and Miguel is staring right back at you in shock. His lips are pressed to your own. For a moment neither of you move. Not until he processes the position. He pulls back with a gasp and you look down when you feel pressure on your chest. His large palm is laying on your right boob. You stammer, cheeks immediately turning red.

“Mierda..”

He curses under his breath and instantly he’s upright, clearly at a loss for words. You’re not much better.

“I-I’m sorry!!” You yell.

Another disaster that you’ve caused.

You rush to your feet sprinting out the room. Once you’re gone, Miguel merely stares at his palm, then his hand slowly moves to his lips, licking them experimentally.

“Do you need a minute?”

Lyla’s sudden appearance makes him growl.

“Cállate!”

She just smiles.