#completely and utterly insane tbh

[theprinceandthewitch]

The fact Gus and Willow don't get hit with the sibling bullshit nearly as much as Hunter does is actually really obvious that people are aware of Luz's thing for princes, [how can you not be when its literally in the second episode of the series and in SAI] but they're biphobic and enjoy gaslighting people into thinking Luz is a lesbian.

[technicolorxsn]

okay so far the vibe I'm getting from Gideon the ninth is that the whole novel is "let's torture this lesbian"

[dangermousie]

Top Dozen cdramas - 2024

This can obviously change but nothing truly exciting looks to air for the rest of the year so that's unlikely. My Top Dozen for the year are likely be set in stone.

It's a very idiosyncratic list which has two mini dramas, three moderns (!!! for me that's insane) and a lot of vibes dramas.

12 Hard to Find - all vibes all the times. A tragic romance that feels like a Gothic fairytale, this is what minidramas could be.

11 Love In the Desert - out of all the dramas on this list, this is the one that screams most "a good time." It's a romance and visual feast and webnovel madness and sexy good time and it made me cry.

10 Fortune Writer - a mini that is so smart and meta and fun about narratives and fate and villainy and fighting the story itself. So clever.

9 Derailment - a puzzle and a love story, telling most anything about it would be a spoiler but this story about a rich girl from 2025 who seemingly wakes up in a parallel universe in 2023 in body of a poor doppelganger, and the young man who was in love with the original has everything including addressing what it must feel to people to have a transmigrator possess a loved one.

8 Tender Light - the ending was just - it's the reason it's not n1. But the rest of this drama about an abused wife and an idealistic young man refusing to bow to societal pressure was just exquisite. It addresses morality and loneliness and complicity and sacrifice. Just incredible. Poetry in motion.

7 Will Love In Spring - a modern romance cdrama? In my list? Is the world ending? But seriously, this is such a gorgeous, realistic yet intense exploration of love and loss and trauma. It made me utterly reevaluate Li Xian to boot.

6 Snowfall - this is such a fever dream of a mood piece of a vampire romance, with seriously BDSM and gay vibes, as well as utterly incredible canon age gap ride or die OTP with Ouyang Nana bothering to act for the first time in her life and Vengo Gao embodying a gentleman vampire to perfection. Li Muge remains one of my favorite directors for a reason.

5 Heroes - the story of three very different men all consigned to the dustheap of history by changing times (the best swordsman in the era of guns, a former imperial guard of a regime about to be overthrown, a constable obedient to obsolete code who studied for imperial exams which got abolished) as the Qing dynasty is about to fall, this has fights, humor, three (!) separate love stories, philosophy and utter and complete heartbreak. The performances, the ideas, the filming and the writing all combine to make a bleak masterpiece with a 99% death rate (I am not kidding, only tertiaries make it out.) If I were in charge, it would get all the awards.

4 The Legend of Shen Li - the one truly mainstream idol costume hit on the list. It's an adult, passionate xianxia that reunites Zhao Liying and Lin Gengxin as deities and battle powerhouses in a love story that is so full of yearning and passion and intensity I feel like peeking through my fingers. This is everything xianxia romance tries to be and almost never is. This just might be my favorite xianxia of all time, tbh.

3 Eternal Brotherhood - a dark horse whose existence I didn't even know about before it aired. Visually stunning despite its tiny budget, this narrative about three sworn brothers in a kingdom and world in crisis, is pitch perfect in its humor, its intensity, its tragedy and its themes (also THREE!!!! amazing love stories despite not being a romance-centric show.) The battles, the friendships, the traumas, the darkness at the heart of it all!

2 Fangs of Fortune - the sole drama that can rival JoL2 for me (only caveat is it's still airing), this is visually the most jaw dropping drama I've ever seen, but it's also high fantasy the way it should be - making me feel so immersed that stopping feels like coming up from a deep dive or waking up from a hypervivid dream. It has impeccable performances (many from actors who I don't normally even like), and its plot and relationships and themes - fate and sacrifice and choice and found family bonds and trauma and so many other things - make it feel as if it was made just for me.

1 Joy of Life 2 - THE drama of 2024 for me. It's somehow better than the incredible first installment. It's funny, it's heartbreaking, it has insane performances, a narrative that hits all my personally favorite themes (a person trying to remain human in an inhuman world, righteousness not being weak), a large cast of fascinating characters who feel like they live in front of me (there are no throwaway roles in this), my favorite ship of the year (though it's not even a ship-centric show) and above all, Zhang Ruoyun's live wire of a performance as Fan Xian, arguably my favorite cdrama character of all time. It should not work yet it does. Brilliantly.

[bitbugbites-re]

𝚅𝚒𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 | 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰

headcanons on how different RE men would take your virginity !

tumblr exclusive!

characters: Albert Wesker, Carlos Oliveira, Chris Redfield, Ethan Winters, Leon S. Kennedy

gender: gn! reader

cw: NSFW, FLUFF // virginity // ktober

a/n: to everyone reading this, i hope you have/had a good day today! <3

𝕬𝖑𝖇𝖊𝖗𝖙 𝖂𝖊𝖘𝖐𝖊𝖗 (any rendition)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

No, it wouldn't be important to Wesker if you were in a relationship or not first. He doesn't come off as the type of guy to believe the notion that first times are sacred

Who initiates?

Probably you. I can't see him being too pushy/eager to have sex, as he seems like he would have a fairly tame-to-low sex drive tbh

Although, that doesn't mean he's against it or other displays of affection. He's just not horny 24/7 (for some reason, despite all of the smut that i've written, i am utterly and completely intimidated by the word "horny." this word is my achilles heel. i fear that i will never escape it's incredible power to make me want to fall to the floor and sob at its horrific-ness. however, today, i have powered through it for you, with only a few tears and trembles involved).

What kind of foreplay?

I feel like his go-to foreplay in this situation would be kissing and fingering, honestly. Very basic foreplay, nothing too insane.

He'd probably make eye contact with you the entire time he fingered you, too.

How long does it last?

The entire ordeal, from foreplay to finishing, would probably last less than 30 mins. I feel like he'd be skilled at both foreplay and penetration itself, and would get straight to the point.

I also feel like he would be a little nicer and more sweet during your first as compared to any other time

I doubt he would drag things out/tease you too much for your first time, unless you wanted him to

Is it good?

Yeah, it'd be good sex. Although, if you're a romantic, it might be a little disappointing if you have an idealized "first time" in mind

Overall? Probably a 7/10. Somewhere between average to pretty decent sex

𝕮𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖔𝖘 𝕺𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖎𝖗𝖆 (re3r)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

If he knows you're a virgin? Yeah. If he doesn't know? Nope!

Tbh I feel like he would forget to ask, and would just automatically assume you've done-the-deed before. Although, he'd probably figure out at some point building up to penetration, in which case, he'd most likely pull back and offer to get to know you better first

Who initiates?

Could go either way. I can see him respecting that first times are important, and thus not bringing it up until you mention it or get overly touchy. However, he likely would try to gently tip-toe around the topic -- he'd make a lot of jokes about it, get a little touchy, put himself out there more by dressing or smelling nice -- all to gauge where you're at or to put the idea in your head

What kind of foreplay?

Anything. Everything. Whatever you want -- getting oral, being fingered, sucking him off or fingering him (if you're into that) -- he'd do it.

HOWEVER. There would be some limits -- I don't think he'd do anything too crazy. He would try to keep it fairly vanilla for your first time. He'd tell you that he'd be willing to do whatever in the future (WITHIN BOUNDS...), but your first time should be like a 'trial period' or something like that

How long does it last?

I feel like out of every other character on this list, sex with Carlos would take the longest. And most of it would probably be foreplay

I'd also bet that he'd be able to last a good amount of time during penetration as well. He knows his limits, and if he starts getting close, he'll change positions or use some other method to prolong intercourse.

Is it good?

YES. I feel like if you like passionate, whirlwind-like displays of affection, then Carlos would be the best one for you out of all the other characters on this list. He knows what he's doing, and he knows where to touch in order to make you feel good

Overall? Around an 8 or 9/10. He would not fail to sweep you off your feet

𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘 𝕽𝖊𝖉𝖋𝖎𝖊𝖑𝖉 (re8)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

For RE8 Chris? No, probably not. If you want to go, he's ready -- relationship or not.

Who initiates?

In a lot of scenarios, most likely Chris. I see it being a very, "Are you ready yet? How about now?" kind of thing (dude's got a high sex drive lmao)

What kind of foreplay?

He'd probably prefer having you give him oral. If you wanted something too, though, he'd be willing to do it -- fingering, oral, etc.

Not too into kissing -- he'd rather make eye contact with you while playing with you or touching you in general

I don't think he'd make a big deal out of it if you wanted to do kinkier stuff for your first time. He'd likely go along with it, thinking that since it's your first time, and you asked, it'd be fine (he'd also probably be impressed that you wanted to ramp it up lol)

How long does it last?

An average amount of time. Not too long, not too short.

Same goes for how long he lasts during penetration. He doesn't seem like he would try to hold his orgasm back, so when it comes, it comes. Although, again, it wouldn't be quick, either

Is it good?

Yeah, it's not bad. If you're looking for someone to be a little more rough with you for your first time (not recommended LOL) then Chris is your guy

Overall, it's a solid 6 or 7/10. Very average sex -- and if you do it again in the future, it's going to be fairly the same. Little to no special treatment for your first time :p

𝕰𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖓 𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘 (re7, re8)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

Yep -- partially because Ethan views first times as special, but also because he isn't the type to sleep around. He'd require a relationship first for both your and his sake

Who initiates?

Ethan, and it's planned. I doubt he'd spring it on you, either -- the two of you would talk it out first, plan a date beforehand, and then after the date...well, you know (yes, I would like to preorder one sex please!)

What kind of foreplay?

Very romantic, sensual foreplay. Kissing, soft touching, etc.

I feel like he'd be open to the basics -- oral for either person (although he'd ensure you it's about you and he doesn't need it), fingering, etc.

How long does it last?

Anywhere from a normal amount of time to slightly more than what's to be expected. I feel like he would really take his time with foreplay, as well as go slow during penetration

Is it good?

Yes! If you're a romantic at heart, Ethan's going to give you the best first time -- he's going to make sure he does everything right

Overall, probably an 8 or 9/10. This dude's got it DOWN for deflowering mfs

𝕷𝖊𝖔𝖓 𝕾. 𝕶𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖉𝖞 (re2r)

Do you need to be in a relationship first?

...maybe. I'm gonna say yeah, just because I feel like he'd be a virgin at this point of time too, LOL. He seems like he'd value romantics and wouldn't really sleep around outside of a relationship unless he had very strong feelings for you

Who initiates?

If you're in a relationship and it's been a decent amount of time since you started dating, probably him. He'd ask you about it and then...yeah.

However, if you're not in a relationship (and he likes you a lot), or you just recently started dating, it'll have to be you who initiates. He's a little reserved, so in either of these scenarios, he won't be the one to ask first

What kind of foreplay?

Lots of kissing, gentle touching, neck kissing

Would be fine with oral and fingering on either sides. Out of all the options, though, his preferred pick would be going down on you. Not just for you, but also because he seems like the kind of guy who gets off by seeing his partner get off

How long does it last?

...oh brother. Anywhere from short to long

Long because it'd probably take the two of you a while to figure out wtf you were both doing...

...and short because that man probably is not going to last long penetration-wise (LMAO im so sorry)

He'd offer to go another round to make up for it though??? Dw, one way or another, he'd make sure you still got off

Is it good?

...it would GET good. But at the beginning? It's gonna be awkward and clumsy (don't worry, he's a fast learner -- in fact, it likely wouldn't take long in your relationship for him to get the hang of it)

Overall...I'm going to have to give the man a 6/10. I'M SO SORRY. He gets an A for effort, but buddy 'ol pal, that man is not gonna know how to wield the friend in his pants right off the bat !!!

For the official and original Kinktober 23 prompts, check here. Credits to @kinktober2023 for the ideas!

[raelle-writing]

Hey 👋

What do you think about tee's character?! This character is so confusing he cares for white a lot and protects him but he did worse things to non. We know he also needed money for his father. What do you think about him and how white and tee met and fell in love. Tee only listens to white and also what you think about white ? Is he only related to the group because he's tee's boyfriend. Tbh I'm loving their couple,their chemistry is so good. 🫠

Thank you so much for this question!!! I actually find Tee's character entirely fascinating tbh - he's a bully but he shows these moments of complete and utter humanity that I find really sympathetic and compelling.

Like I'll never justify what he does to Non - framing him for breaking the camera and then using that debt that he manufactured to pull Non into money laundering isn't exactly excusable. But I find it so interesting that while we see Tee doing all of these insane things, we also see these little moment of humanity throughout. Like when it's made clear that Tee is mostly working with his shady uncle to help get money for his dad - we don't know what kind of medical treatment his dad is undergoing, but clearly something severe that costs a lot to treat.

Tee is in arguably just as desperate a position as Non (if not more desperate). He's stuck needing money, dragged into illegal activity by his uncle, in too deep to get out. Does that excuse him being a manipulative bully? Of course not. But it's fascinating to me because it would've been SO easy to make Tee a non-sympathetic character, and yet we see all of this depth to him.

We're also shown that he didn't want to get any of his friends involved in the money laundering, including Non. He knew it was bad and illegal, and he didn't do it until he was completely and utterly backed into a corner, until he'd exhausted literally every other alternative and his uncle gave him an ultimatum.

Which is interesting because you think he wouldn't hesitate to pull in Non even before that, since he doesn't like Non. But he does hesitate. It shows that he has some ethics, and some sense that what he's doing has the potential to ruin whoever is involved. And he doesn't want to ruin Non, despite disliking him and picking on him at school.

Of course, he reverses this action by proceeding to get Non involved. And then, when Non goes to get the rest of their friend group involved, he backs Non up. But not because he's greedy, but because his uncle is shorting him left and right and he still doesn't have the money for his father's medication OR to pay Non.

Tee's position is parallel to Non's. He needs the money. He's into illegal shit he doesn't want to be in, but is forced in deeper every day by the people pulling the strings. And he, like Non, is just a kid. He shouldn't have to be discussing money laundering with his uncle at 17 years old to help pay for his father's medical bills.

And even though Tee continues being a dick to Non throughout the past (even going so far as to help his uncle make Non disappear), he shows hesitance at every turn when his uncle demands things of him, and he tries (weakly) to defend Non when his uncle starts saying Non is a police spy.

And after he brings Non to his uncle and Non "disappears," Tee can't stop himself from asking what happened to Non. Tee doesn't even like Non, and yet he still shows clear signs of fear and upset at the thought that Non might be dead. Because he knows he'd be complicit? Maybe. But he's also a teenage kid caught up in illegal things against his will. He might genuinely feel bad about it. His expression certainly conveys more than just guilt...

Does any of this balance out the bad things he does throughout the past? Of course not. He's still a shitty person and should be in jail for the part he played in Non's disappearance. But he's also fascinatingly sympathetic in the way he's forced into all of these actions. He clearly doesn't want to be doing any of the things he's done, but feels as though he has no choice. Either because his uncle will hang him out to dry for the police, or because he still needs the money for his father's treatment.

That said, I don't find Tee's treatment of White in the present dissonant to his character in the slightest. To me, it's clear that Tee is the type of person who cares deeply about those close to him, he just doesn't let a lot of people get close because he's experienced far too much pain and manipulation at the hands of his family. Tee is soft with White, but more than that, he's devastated when he learns that Por has died.

Tee cares. He cares a lot. He cares about White, he cares about Por. He arguably cares more about himself since he often abandons White during stressful situations, and is more concerned about what White will think of what they did to Non than he is about what he actually did to Non. But I think that he knows he had no choice (or at least, in his eyes he had no choice) in what happened to Non.

Anyway, this got long ahahaha I just find Tee's characterization to be so interestingly done. He's one of the most deeply complex characters in the entire show, and shout out to JJay for conveying all of his complexities so well, he's an amazing actor.

As for White... well. White is still a question mark for me personally. I wrote a theory previously that White could be Non's brother New, and I still think that's a possibility. I've also seen a wild theory floating around that White is actually Non himself, he's just gotten plastic surgery.

It's possible that White is exactly what he appears to be, a mostly-innocent bystander. Especially since White defends Tee when the others talk about thinking Tee did something bad to Non, and shows clear horror when Tee talks about burning Dang's corpse.

I'm not sure exactly how Tee and White met, but I think they're pretty compatible. White wants someone to take care of him, and Tee likes having someone look up to him. Tee also has a lot of love and care to show, he just doesn't/can't do it easily because of his history.

Because I find Tee sympathetic, I kind of hope that White isn't using Tee as part of the revenge plan (though I know a lot of people want that) because I find the idea of the one person Tee has opened up to turning around to betray him that way completely heartbreaking. But I also know that within the narrative, Tee is the villain. He's the main catalyst to everything bad that happened to Non, so it wouldn't surprise me if the story has set up exactly some twist like that happening to him for revenge. We'll have to see where the story takes us but personally, I think they're cute together right now!

[suohenki]

on my second playthrough of veilguard (for some reason). this is the insane person's ramblings about lore/writing unlike my last post

this is the first time i've been so utterly bored of a second playthrough. never has an rpg given me this feeling.

like there are no quests i look forward to tbh, every main quest is a long combat sequence. even inquisition had the orlesian ball that you had to resolve with some actual noncombat solutions. (get behind me inquisition i will defend you from the fandom)

made a qunari this time to see if it affects anything, no, really doesn't. there's barely any qunari dialogue options.

picked the crows origin, it is truly astonishing the way they treat them in this game. they seem completely shy about the crows being contract killers? it's not even that they don't talk about the things Zevran talks about, but they fully try to ignore the murder part. Mfrs are freedom fighters now apparently.

and the "twist" villains in the crows storyline are so comically obvious i hoped they were both red herrings. the butcher is so underdeveloped too. the way the illario/blood magic twist is written is confusing, rook sees it all with his damn eyes and then never says a word about it. Yes i think illario is the bad guy here, Rook, i know you heard the "amatus". What. (swear to god the dark brotherhood is more deep than this. i never thought i'd say TES has better writing than DA.)

By the end they never address the fucked up things the crows do, outside of Rook's one throwaway line of "yeah my training was hell lmao." Is it just Aranai that's fucked or what kind of hellish training are we talking about? Rook also mentions having been an orphan... so the crows are as usual but we just won't talk about it. The lore and characters have never been this confusing and woobified. The positivity of Rook rly feels off when they are a trained assassin... no one reacts negatively to it, everyone even goes "Omg lucanis is a killer. Oh, not you Rook, you're better :)" no i don't think he is? Both killers.

Similarly they are so scared of the (elven) slavery in Tevinter. If you hadn't played the previous games you'd be forgiven for thinking Tevinter had no slavery because you missed the 3 sentences that mention it. We are in the slavery capital of Thedas and we are being shy about it. I guess Dorian's and Fenris's stories are too "problematic"... It's frankly gross how they brush it off after how serious it was in previous games. Also crazy how religion never comes up. In the country of the "black divine", you'd think Harding would have something to say at least. It really only now hit me how hard they avoided bringing up non-elven religion when it's been such a big part of the lore...

Neve's storyline just begs to be about the actual known issues of Tevinter instead of whatever it was about, all of it went from one ear, out the other. To me, her and Lucanis are the weakest companions on replay. Neve's voice acting is so strange and flat it's really difficult for me to be endeared by her. (this is coming from a cassandra pentaghast enjoyer)

Even if I think Harding's scenes could be better at least i get what she is about. Tho all the titan stuff feels like it's not treated with the gravity it should be. I do like Taash and Bellara, i just wish Taash wasn't written so immaturely. i never found Sera immature in this way, she's abrasive and yes, "immature" with the pranks etc., but Taash is written like a stereotypical teen, Sera just felt like a weirdo adult. And you can tell Alistair to suck it up lmao, it's really not even comparable. And the Isabela scene with the push-ups.... talk about making it all about yourself. Taash should have just been nonbinary from the start if they were going to make the representation this awkward.

I wish Bellara's quest had more drama. You don't get to save her brother but you also have no scene where, for example, Bellara endangers Rook or lets Anaris escape because she is actually conflicted about her brother... Rook and her just kinda let them go. Bellara is okay with killing her brother with barely any convincing lol.

Emmrich and Davrin are still my favorites, I think Davrin just works, and i like that we get to see more of his background. He's not terribly ~deep~ but he doesn't have to be, saving the griffons is an understandable goal, one that would be devastating to fail. Just a charismatic man that has things he cares about with conviction.

Emmrich is an interesting portrayal of necromancy which is something i'm always receptive to, i'd play a DA game set entirely in Nevarra. His quest has wild tonal shifts but at least the set dressing kept me interested. I do wish we didn't decide for him if he became a lich tho.

I wish with all the companions the way it worked was they decide based on previous dialogues. If you keep encouraging emmrich to pursue lichdom and face his fear then he does, if not, the opposite happens. i'm just not a fan of the "here's the moment where rook decides another person's fate!!!" like why am i deciding. it's their life.

i romanced Lucanis this time to try to see why people like him so much but man, i just think his whole story is a mess. they love to imply all the trauma Lucanis has but don't truly convey any of it. you don't even talk about being a crow with Lucanis like you talk about being a watcher with Emmrich. I guess it's my bad for expecting an assassin that has been tortured and forced into an abomination to be more of an interesting character.

i'm gonna need to know more about a companion than he has trauma, he likes coffee and he cooks, to be invested. The coffee thing feels like flanderization before i even know the man, put the damn cup down. First time i felt this disconnected with a romance.

i felt like they really squandered Spite too. You'd think a demon possessing a companion would cause more trouble than 1 escape attempt. Lucanis missing the first stab attempt barely registers as Spite's fault. Spite doesn't get any sort of pay off or drama.

I could forgive a lot more if the writing was better but the bad writing stands out so much more on a second playthrough. The basic dialogue, the spoon-feeding of info, the marvel-quips, the uninteresting side quests. Can't believe that i had to find out from fucking tumblr that the time Rook spent in the fade was WEEKS, you'd think that would be an impactful detail. Legit thought they got him out in a day lmao. Explains the dagger coming out of nowhere.

They try so hard to make the team cute and wholesome, it cemented my dislike of the found family trope. It comes across as so unearned. The game is like half competent writing, half DA fanfiction. Everything to do with Solas is okay. But everything else is so off. At least they managed to make Solas a love-to-hate type character for those like me who did not care about him in DA:I. The reason i'm not talking too much about the overall plot is it was okay, i just don't care that much about the evanuris. weird choice to try to blame it all on the elves tho. Like i love you but stfu Bellara, you do not have to take on the sins of the father. Have the elves not been through enough?

[beanghostprincess]

Got an odd vision about Shanks and Buggy fighting and Buggy repeating his „Shanks shone so brightly„ thing in a very „I couldn’t compare to you!! You were like the sun and where would that leave me?!“ type of way and Shanks snapping and going „OKAY? Maybe you were my earth? Maybe you were the thing I wanted to keep save and warm and alive and shine for! Maybe I would have just loved to have you with me instead of you just fucking off to a completely different solar system - I- you- fucking clown- What use is a sun that doesn’t help things grow and live and - shit- Maybe I wanted to keep revolving around you! Maybe you were the one person I loved and wanted with me and- Ugh- Fucking FANTASTIC!“

And Shanks just sort of droops in on himself bereft of all energy while Buggy stares at him completly aghast, mouth hanging open because did THE red haired Shanks just confess to him in an utterly insane rant of all things? And he swallows. And tries to catch himself. And can’t help himself because he is still BUGGY but when his voice comes out it’s much smaller and softer than usual, even if he tries his best to sound dismissive and haughty „The sun…. Doesn’t revolve around the earth… you absolute moron.“ Shanks just huffs. „Well… this one does.“

Y'all be sending me the most beautiful things here out of nowhere and expect me to react like a normal person about them--

This is literally them. The thing is-- Buggy sees Shanks as the sun because he has always lived in his shadow and tbh he isn't even bothered that much by that. He's just angry Shanks seemed to give up his dream when he was the one shining so brightly. But he doesn't take into consideration that maybe Shanks doesn't want to be the sun? Maybe Shanks saw Buggy just as brightly? Or something even more beautiful, like the earth. The sun might shine but the earth gives life. And Shanks is just so head over heels for him that he'd definitely say the whole "revolving around earth" thing. Inaccurately and extremely not true. But he doesn't care because that's just how they go. Kind of like a "who's gonna correct everything I say if you aren't here?" type of thing.

[cluescorner]

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH KAEYA AND VENTI?? Like, of all the relationships I want explored in genshin theirs is the most fascinating to me. Do they know who the other is in relation to their origins? Are they both in the dark? Does one know and the other doesn’t? What are their real feelings towards the other person, not just the expressed ones based around their personas? Why was Kaeya left in Mondstadt specifically and does Venti have any thoughts on the matter? Are we gonna get a big reveal scene where Venti shows himself as Barbatos and Kaeya is like ‘AYO WHAT THE FUCK’? Are we gonna get one where it’s vice-versa and Venti loses it onscreen? 

Does Kaeya know that Venti is Barbatos and is friendly with him regardless? Or is it to get more info on the Archon? Or is it to perhaps ingratiate himself to Venti in hopes of not fucking dying like literally almost everyone else? Is he completely unaware and if Venti admits his identity to Kaeya that will be yet another instance where Kaeya’s trust has been broken by someone close to him? Or will he lash out at Venti because it is heavily implied that the Abyss Order/Fatui/tbh everybody related to Khaenri’ah in some way hates Barbatos in particular for some reason? Or will he just go on as normal in hopes that Venti doesn’t recognize Kaeya as Khaenri’an? Or will he have a fucking panic attack immediately because bro I would too if one of the people who killed-or-worsed literally my entire nation just showed up and oh no he was my fucking drinking buddy? 

Does Venti know that Kaeya is an Alberich and simply not care? Or is he pitiful of the man whose freedom was restricted at a very young age? Or does he feel intense guilt stemming from whatever the fuck he did in Khaenri’ah because SERIOUSLY WHY DO KHAENRI’AH-RELATED GROUPS SEEM TO HATE BARBATOS IN PARTICULAR? Or is he perhaps afraid of what Kaeya might do to his nation and hopes to get as close to Kaeya as he can to prevent anything from happening? Did Venti always know that Kaeya was there even during his sleep? Did he wake up and wander into the city and suddenly BOOM, DESCENDENT OF THE ABYSS ORDER IS YOUR CAVALRY CAPTAIN AND YOU CANNOT DO SHIT ABOUT IT? Does Venti not know that Kaeya is an Alberich/Khaenri’an and are we going to get a big reveal wherein Venti will once again be placed in a position where he might have to compromise his identity in order to protect the greater good? Or will he try to kill Kaeya because honestly if I took part in the mass-destruction of an entire civilization I would assume that if somebody reveals themself as a part of that civilization that they’re here for revenge? Or will he treat it like it’s no big deal because he already knew/doesn’t care because Kaeya has made it clear that he’s loyal to Mondstadt? Or will he collapse into a big puddle of guilt and beg forgiveness for everything that’s happened because, when you really think about it, none of Kaeya’s suffering would have ever occurred if Celestia hadn’t nuked Khaenri’ah? Even outside of the other bullshit, Kaeya’s freedom was restricted at a very young age due to the actions of Celestia which Venti played a direct part in. Does Venti feel guilty for this or like he’s wound up betraying his own value? Does KAEYA feel that way? 

THEY DO NOT HAVE VOICELINES ABOUT EACH OTHER! Kaeya and Venti get them for such a menagerie of Mondstadt characters (including ones they never even interact with) that the fact they don’t have them for each other drives me insane. That HAS to be intentional, why the fuck do y’all not talk about each other when you should probably have THE MOST AMOUNT OF THINGS TO SAY ABOUT EACH OTHER?! They are making me crazy. LET THEM INTERACT AND BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER! WHERE ARE THE FICS WHERE THEY REVEAL THEIR IDENTITIES/LITERALLY ANYTHING RELATED TO THEIR HIDDEN IDENTITIES HAPPEN AND THE OTHER REACTS TO IT?? WHERE ARE THEY?? They are easily the most fascinating yet utterly unexplored dynamic in Genshin. I see more fics about Childe and Kaeya interacting than Venti and Kaeya and I get it and no hate BUT WHAT THE HELL MAN?!

[itsseohannbin]

soft changbin thoughts || cuddling

this was a completely self-indulgent idea i wrote at 3am after waking up from a dream of exactly this. I'm so down bad for this man it's insane. lowercase intended. not edited.

i truly believe this man loves (and i mean LOVES) to cuddle. absolutely adores it. specifically spooning tbh. i mean, look at him. he's just one big giant teddy bear practically begging to let him spoon you. when he comes home super late from working in the studio with chan and hannie to find you already passed out, snuggled deep into the soft mattress of your shared bed, nothing but a pair of sleep shorts and his favorite shirt hugging your body, he's an absolute goner... he'd come into the room, get one look at your sleeping figure, and his knees would buckle and he'd nearly fall to them because my god you're all his.

sure, he loves to have you spread across his chest, head tucked into the curve of where his shoulder and neck meet, hands splayed across his heart, legs thrown over his waist, pinning him to the mattress like an anxiety blanket, but there's something beautifully unique about holding you from behind and inhaling your scent as he drifts off to sleep.

he'd slip off his shirt and pants and slide under the covers behind your sleeping figure, wrapping his big arms around your soft body and pulling you tight against his plush chest, holding you close like he could protect you from everything bad in the world. and he'd be so warm. like, even if he trudged in through the snow, small droplets of water hanging off the ends of his curly hair, frost-bitten nose that's running slightly and hands as cold as ice, he'd be so SO warm against your back. so warm and intoxicating that, despite being dead to the world asleep, your body would automatically push against his when he pulls you closer, almost like you're trying to absorb him even in the deepest of sleeps. and he absolutely adores it. loves the way you bend and keen to his every touch, the slight frown that would spread across your lips when his cold hands first touch the bare skin of your stomach. man loves it.

and those nights when he comes home so incredibly stressed out about work, whether it be from the chords of the next song not quite sounding right, or the choreo he can't seem to nail, he's stressed, and when he climbs into bed, he doesn't immediately curl himself around your sleeping figure. instead, he hovers at the edge of the bed, back facing you, hands curled under his pillow, eyes squeezed shut to prevent the stress-induced tears from falling down his cheeks. but when he inevitably opens his eyes, they do. they fall silently and it makes him more frustrated. his shoulders shake slightly from the force of his distressed cries, and when he feels a shift in the bed behind him, he freezes, hoping to god you're just turning over and he didn't wake you up. and then, a second later, when your arm curls around his waist and you pull him closer to your small body, he falls apart. he loves to spoon you, but fuck, there's just something about being the little spoon that really makes him melt. his heart will flutter like he's sixteen years old again experiencing his first crush, his tears will stop abruptly, his frown will slowly curve upwards into the softest smile. because he's being engulfed by you. your scent, the feeling of your arm hanging loosely over his hip, the heat of your breath ticking the skin of his back. he adores being taken care of in moments like this, and it's the intimate moments like this that make him all the more aware of how much he utterly adores you. when your thumb starts to slowly draw circles just above his belly button in a soothing manner and your leg pushes to rest in between his intimately, signaling you're more awake than he initially thought, he can't help but murmur the softest "i love you" as you help bring him back down to the present. help lower his heart rate, help the stress leave his body enough to allow him to relax. he always seems to have the best of sleeps when you're laying next to him in bed, but when you're holding him this way, protecting him from all the worries of the world, he feels like he could sleep peacefully for eternity

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i just wanna hold him so bad it makes my heart ache :(

Taglist || @moonlightndaydreams @channieandhisgoonsquad @newhope8 @noellllslut @queenmea604 @bethanysnow @yxnjinsduality

[acaplaya-musings]

Geoff Castellucci 2024 Recap

Hello fam and welcome to my 2024 recap post for what Geoff has been up to on his solo channel this year! (This will be followed up with a VoicePlay 2024 recap in a day or two, don't you worry). This year was my first full year of being "fully down the rabbithole", and I started this sideblog back in late January, so basically this is just a "quick" (hah!) summary of stuff that I've more or less already covered on this blog, because it's just a bit of fun!

Right, before we get to the full-length stuff, I gotta of course give a shout-out to the shorts! Geoff uploaded seven shorts this year: Texas Hold 'Em, Trust In Me, I'm On Fire, The Rainbow Connection, Rawhide, Friends On The Other Side, and Loch Ness Monster. I would love to be able to pick a favourite or two, but I can't! Trust In Me and Rainbow Connection have both gone onto my "Last Resort Sleep Playlist" (a collection of Geoff narrations and music tracks), Texas Hold Em is a vibe, Rawhide is a catchy banger, Loch Ness Monster is fun, Friends On The Other Side is *brilliant*, and I'm On Fire is nice too!

But now that's out of the way, onto the main part of the post, where I get to revisit every single song from this year! :D

Wicked Game - released February 9th

On my personal Discord server, early in February, I was like "y'know it's entirely possible that Geoff's first song of 2024 could kinda sorta be a song for Valentine's Day?" and well, it kinda went in the exact opposite direction! But hey I'm calling that a Nat 10 for the album art alone. Geoff continued the trend of having his first release of the year be one involving a piano, and this kinda had bits and pieces of his previous piano covers to it as well! The initial "grizzly bear singing a lullaby" (not my phrasing) vocal tone/timbre, like in Till Then, the utterly haunting soundscape kinda similar to Sound Of Silence, and the visual vibe of High And Dry (I actually did a mini two-picture comparison between High And Dry and Wicked Game which you can go find HERE). But also like High And Dry was the way Geoff went higher with every chorus bit, but then brought it all back down at the end! And you can go find my initial thoughts post I made about it HERE

Favourite music moment: When he goes highest on the final chorus and does that vocal run thing on "No IIIIIIIII..."

Favourite visual moment: The brief cut to black followed immediately by a front close shot of Geoff. Either that or just the way the video holds on Geoff sitting at the piano in silence for a few moments right at the end - very impactful!

Unshaken - released March 9th

And Now For Something Completely Different To What Came Before! Y'know when the video premiere showed up on YouTube and I saw in the video description that Geoff said about "the perfect opportunity to bring the riders back", I was like "Lol could you imagine if this video was kinda sorta a "prequel" to Ghost Riders In The Sky? Like with Jeff, Goff, Jeoph, and Daryl being regular human cowboys before they became ghost riders/ghost cowboys? Haha just kidding unless?" AND THEN GUESS WHAT! (Still sad that I didn't find any reactors who made that connection in their videos tbh). I also made a photo compilation thing comparing each of the "Riders" in this to how they look as "Ghost Riders" in Ghost Riders In The Sky! (link to post)

This quickly became my favourite Geoff release of 2024 for a while, and at the very least I'd still say it's my favourite video of his of the year (and only one of two 2024 videos that I did Voiceplay-adjacent Visuals for, which you can find HERE). Also Jeoph has no business looking that good in that handlebar moustache, like it gives me a crisis! That's not the kind of look that I'm usually attracted to! The moustache isn't even real! Why do you look so good like that?!!?

Favourite music moment: the eardrum-shaking D1 sub and the awesome G4 chest/mixed note, alongside the absolutely insane amount of G1s!!

Favourite visual moment: Of course I love that final silhouette shot of Goff, Daryl, Jeoph, and Jeff, but I also gotta give a shoutout to something that's not part of this video: there's no gramophone logo at the end! Which I choose to believe was a subtle nod to the fact that "regular Geoff" isn't in this one! It's just the clones!

You Don't Mess Around With Jim - released May 10th

This is actually the only full-length video of 2024 to feature Geoff being fully sleeveless! (This includes VoicePlay videos, but not counting the Minis and stuff). Quite a difference to the amount of sleeveless-ness(?) we got last year, but honestly, when you have five Geoffs in black tank tops staring down the camera and looking like that, well I think we absolutely still certainly got our fill! (One of the commenters said that this video was "like if the guys from Sixteen Tons grew up and got scarier" and they're kinda not wrong!)

Apparently there are a few people who think that certain reactors are "too over the top" or "must be faking it" but they clearly haven't met me because like I didn't even get to the first line of this song before I had to pause and rewind! The immediate start with the stomps and the claps and the humming had me being like "waitwaitwait I wasn't ready hang on a minute!" and genuinely the moment of "you don't - into the wind" with what sounded like glass shattering almost gave me half a heart attack the first time! Definitely a catchy tune, though!

Favourite music moment: I quite enjoyed the part sung by "Slim" (always nice to hear Geoff singing in a bit of upper register!) but also I of course have to also give love to the bit of scatting at the end! Is there anything he can't do?

Favourite visual moment: When Geoff hits that E1 subharmonic at the end and the other "Geoffs" either side of him start stomping and clapping again while "Lead Geoff" stands relatively motionless. It just works!

Big Iron - released July 12th

This one is definitely a bit special to me. Not only is it Geoff's 30th full-length song cover on his channel, but also it's the first full cover I got early access to since joining Geoff's Patreon, and to top it all off, it's another with original lyrics in it! I was looking up the lyrics after I had watched Geoff's cover, and I was like "wait, this doesn't have a chorus? But Geoff's definitely had a chorus, right?" and then I rewatched Geoff's video on my laptop while having the original lyrics up on my phone and was like "yeah hang on a minute!" (He didn't even confirm it for us Patrons! Just left it for us to figure out before the public premiere!)

Usually I'm partial to interesting visual/video stuff, but the song arrangement of this alone was so dang good that I was like "dang does this overtake Unshaken as my favourite Geoff release of the year?" Ultimately I determined that Unshaken was my favourite video, and Big Iron was my favourite song. (Also I found it amusing/interesting how the narrative of this song actually had a fair bit of similarities to Geoff's previous cover of YDMAWJ, and so I made a comparison post thing, which you can find HERE)

Favourite music moment: I love the way he turned one of the verses into a sort of bridge section (the "wasn't long before the story was relayed to Texas Red..." bit up to the "twenty-one would be the ranger with a big iron on his hip" line), but I really love the line "riding hell for leather, midnight to the dawn...", both because it's a very cool Geoff Original lyric, and also because of the harmonised vocal run thing on the word 'dawn'!

Favourite visual moment: Not a lot of "action" to pick out of this one, but I will give kudos to the attention to detail of Lead Geoff having just his watch on his left wrist and then a thin leather bracelet thing on the right wrist, while the Clones are wearing both of those things on their left wrists, while having additional different leather bracelet things on their right wrists! Just a nice little touch of differentiation!

Imagine - released August 9th

Y'know in late July I literally made a post being like "man I love it when Geoff plays the piano!" and I half-joked about making a photo compilation of all the times he's played piano in videos (and a couple of y'all were like "yes do it") and then like only a few days later he posted a teaser image for his next video, featuring him playing piano!!!

I know there are people with Strong Feelings about this song (as Geoff said in his video description), whether positive or negative, but personally I'm more or less neutral on the original, so I was certainly going in open-minded to this, and man Geoff never disappoints! This definitely left me with a massive smile on my face, and if you wanna see the initial thoughts I had about the song/video, you can find them HERE!

Favourite music moment: the sudden switch to layered vocals and a "higher energy" performance was amazing, and there was some fantastic belting in this, too!

Favourite visual moment: when Geoff sings "imagine all the people, sharing all the world, you...", I love the hand/arm lifting motion he does on the word "you", like he's really getting into it and connecting with the performance! Oh and also on the final "and the world will be as one" at the end of the video, right at the start of that line there's a brief moment where he actually looks directly at the camera (or at least seems to), and honestly I feel like it adds just that little extra bit of impact.

Song Of Durin - released September 22nd

Talk about a song that I really didn't expect to love so dang much!

Like okay, of course I knew I would enjoy the song/video - it's Geoff, after all, but like I'm not a Tolkien fan! (Not that I dislike the Middle Earth stuff, I just haven't read any of the books or seen any of the films). And this one doesn't necessarily have any one particular "thing" that I can point to and be like "yes that's the reason I love this", it's just really good as whole, and somehow it managed to sink its claws into me and kept pulling me back to it again and agin!

When I did my initial thoughts/commentary post for this (LINK), I was like "I'm not sure if this beats I See Fire for me or whether it's just equal", but I did finally decide that this one does, in fact, beat I See Fire for me! (Though all the "dwarf songs" are great in their own ways of course.) But whether it beats Big Iron? Honestly I haven't even bothered comparing them. But this has become a comfort/relaxation song for me and I love it. (And apparently so do a lot of other folk, as it became Geoff's first cover of 2024 to hit a million views! Let's go!)

(Also here's a link to a comparison post for Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Thorin across the 3 Geoff videos they've been in, and here's another link to the Voiceplay-Adjacent Visuals I did for this video!)

Favourite music moment: When Bofur sings "but still the sunken stars appear, in dark and windless Mirrormere" in that high voice like dang that's so pretty! (But also I kinda just wanna say "all of it")

Favourite visual moment: The decision to have Fili, Thorin, Kili, and Bofur be ghosts/spectres/spirits was quite clever from a narrative perspective, as they lived many many years before Gimli (lead singer here), with The Hobbit being a prequel to The Lord Of The Rings and all. And Eli always does a fantastic job with lighting design, whether for VoicePlay or whether he's helping Geoff, but man I definitely loved all the lighting choices here!

Carol Of The Bells - released December 6th

I had a few ideas/hopes/predictions about what Geoff might do for his Christmas video this year, but I never would have even considered putting this song on my predictions list! Just like often with Geoff (and VoicePlay), it's a cover I didn't know I needed in my life until I got it! Goddang!

This is basically the spiritual successor to Geoff's cover of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and I LOVE IT! If you missed my recent thoughts/commentary about the cover, you can find that HERE, but basically from that first piano note I was intrigued, and then from that "merry ChristMAAAAAA..." my jaw dropped and basically stayed dropped the whole way through.

Favourite music moment: I mean like that 14-second subharmonic thing with the distortion and the backing vocals like hello? And apparently it's not even a single held note, but a movement going G1-Eb1-F1-D1? Dang! And then very quickly afterwards we get the most gorgeous "throw cares awayyyy" tenor line, like come on my dude!

Favourite visual moment: Can't go wrong with a bit of a camera shake effect for ground-quaking low notes! But also I love how that final bell sound right at the end is perfectly timed to the appearance of the gramophone logo! Chefs kiss!

And that's my summary done for Geoff's channel! My VoicePlay 2024 recap will be coming the day after tomorrow, and it's going to be an even longer post than this! (Y'know, since they ended up with 11 full-length releases this year compared to Geoff's 7). See y'all soon!

[cookinguptales]

nandorisms said: I don't think it was ever going to work in the first place. Freddie was a bandaid. A last-ditch effort at trying to have a normal life outside of Nandor and his clusterfuck of a found family. But he isn't normal and hasn't been for years. Freddie was Guillermo trying to convince himself that he could move on, and Marwa was Nandor's effort to convince Guillermo to stay.

----------

tbh, I agree.

I think that Freddie very much was an "I don't need them, I don't need any of them" solution for Guillermo while he was in London.

Like... Guillermo was at his most loyal in s3. Like distressingly loyal sometimes. And what did that get him? At his absolute highest moment of happiness, he's shoved in a fucking box and mailed across the ocean. No one comes to save him, no one is there to comfort him. He has a moment in that box where he truly fears death, and he is despondent. He realizes that he has dedicated his entire life to people who (he believes) would not do the same for him, and he has in the process alienated his family and all the other humans who might have loved him.

Then he does live but he is utterly alone. He's away from the house and the very meager support system he'd created for himself, Nandor does not come for him, and Nadja seems to have largely abandoned him to his own devices while she did Council stuff.

So he's alone for the first time in his life, both physically and emotionally, and he meets this guy. And this guy talks to him and says nice things to him and doesn't actively abuse him, which puts him miles above most people he knows. So Freddie becomes really, really easy for Guillermo to romanticize. He's another option to the insanity his life has become, and one that is at that moment very attractive.

I think at that point, Freddie really comes to symbolize all the things Guillermo can have if he chooses to be human. This is a human man who thinks that Guillermo is normal and likes the "normal" version of Guillermo. Guillermo can go on daytime dates with this guy. He doesn't have to worry about being killed when he goes out with him. Freddie treats him like a normal human would -- which doesn't quite have the highs that Guillermo has come to expect, but not the lows, either.

Freddie is a guy that Guillermo could bring home to his family, which is another thing that Guillermo is strongly prioritizing in s4 after his experience in London. Which is one reason why it's so fascinating that even after he successfully came out to his family, it doesn't appear that he ever told them about Freddie. Was he just waiting for the right time? Or was there something subconsciously holding him back...

Because the thing is... when Guillermo finally makes it back to Staten Island, he realizes he was wrong. Nandor never meant to abandon him; if anything, Nandor believes that Guillermo abandoned him. Nandor immediately offers him this place of honor at his side, and it's something new. It's not professional and it's not romantic and Guillermo allows himself to throw himself into it because it doesn't upset the very delicate balancing act he currently has in his head.

And then... the others follow suit. Baby Colin comes to love his caretakers, and Guillermo clearly cares about him back. His sniping with Laszlo eventually calms down to a place of mutual respect, as far as childrearing goes. Nadja finally comes to trust him enough to help her manage the club (a bad choice, considering they are very similar in all the worst ways) and they have that really lovely bonding moment over family.

Guillermo, in other words, is being presented with a third option. Not the dismissive vampires from before and not the allure of normalcy, but a vampiric world in which he is ultimately respected, if not completely accepted as one of their own.

But Guillermo is loyal to a fault and he couldn't give up this fantasy of what Freddie could be to him -- someone who loved him, someone who he could be normal with, someone he wouldn't have to sacrifice his family for, someone who would finally, finally put him first. Until it becomes painfully obvious that Freddie would never be that person and Guillermo was only ever romanticizing a relationship just as toxic as all the ones he'd had previously.

And I think that that point Guillermo really had to come to terms with what he wanted and what he was capable of. I do really wish that the show had followed that character arc a little closer (Guillermo realizing that his human parts and his supernatural parts were at odds with each other and he was going to have to make some hard choices) but I think you can see that in his final choice.

Guillermo, to put a long story short, chooses a fourth option. He's given up on Freddie handing him his happiness and he's given up on Nandor handing him his happiness. He's finally chosen to throw himself bodily into the world of vampirism, giving up on his human potential and demanding full vampiric acceptance, and he's going to make that life himself.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We'll see if it works.

And god, Marwa is a whole different post. I have a lot of thoughts about the way that Nandor thinks of his wives (and Guillermo, to a lesser extent) as extensions of himself, his to control, possess, and manipulate -- but how the thing that he's really most attracted to is rebellion and the ability to think for oneself. And how that also tied in with how he saw Freddie as an extension of Guillermo and therefore something that he needed to possess as well.

lmao they're both so bad at this.

[joannerowling]

I'm in the process of rereading OOtP and gods, I forgot how <i>funny</i> it is. I mean, sure, the book is really dark and full of emotions, but despite that there is still so much humour(just like the other 6, but here I feel like it's much more needed given all the darkness-and speaking of that, honestly I think it's the darkest in the series, I know people often say DH is the darkest, but tbh I'd say OOtP is darker but that's a story for another day lol)

Also I'd say it's the best in the series, although my personal favourite is HBP.

I agree with your analysis, DH is dark but it ends on a high note and is pretty action packed, and has a general feeling of being a spiritual journey against a specific enemy who represents "evil"; meanwhile the despair in OotP feels much more real and raw, all-encompassing and harder to beat because it's a fight against the stupidity and casual cruelty of ordinary people who refuse to listen to what Harry's saying because it's uncomfortable, despite all he's done to prove himself (saving the school like three times at this point!!). And what Harry gains - people finally accepting that Voldemort is back and he's not a compulsive liar - pales in comparaison to what he's lost to get there. Plus the fact that Harry's still a kid and he's so insecure and guilt-ridden by the end, whereas Harry in DH feels like a near-adult who has a lot more confidence.

Which means, yeah, the humour is especially sharp in OotP because it comes a lot from the narration or characters themselves highlighting how ineffectual the Ministry is acting. Like, Fudge being utterly convinced that Dumbledore is out to get his job - infuriating, but also pretty funny! Similarly, the extremes to which Umbridge is willing to go to in order to stop the DA makes her look completely insane. And how the whole school (including maybe the building?) basically becomes The Résistance™ via quiet support or malicious compliance.

Then there are all the characters who have a more detached or pragmatic approach to the situation and bring a bit of levity to it, like Mundingus, or Phineas. Or the weird allyships of circumstances. I love the moment where Hermione asks Harry to meet her with Skeeter and Luna and he's like "what the hell is going on right now??" (I think Hermione's insanity ramping up in OotP deserves its own post tbh she's absolutely hilarious and brillant in this one.)

Also this gem after the boys fail their Divination exam:

RIP the running gag of Harry and Ron trying to figure out the mysteries of the future.

[wickedlyqueer]

favorite Wicked actresses? Both in terms of individual performance as well as pairings with great gelphie dynamics

i mean having a good gelphie dynamic is one of the requirements for being a fav of mine. uhh anyway...

Glinda

Katie Rose Clarke

Megan Hilty, Kara Lindsay Ginna Claire Mason

I'm sure I've forgotten a few tbh I haven't watched a bootleg show in ages. All is to say, I'm very particular about my Glinda's. Top spot has forever been KRC for me and I doubt that'll ever change soon. She just got Glinda. She just got her and the role so fucking well.

Elphaba

Far less picky tbh, bc the role is so multi-interpretable and it still makes sense. But top favorites are (in no particular order):

Willemijn Verkaik (🇳🇱-pride), Rachel Tucker, Eden Espinosa, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Jennifer DiNoia, Lindsay Mendez.

I saw Alexia Khadime this summer (live!) and she murdered No Good Deed, absolutely obliterated it. And if it's one thing that makes you instantly go on top of my Elphie list, it's killing NGD.

I want that song to be as imperfectly perfect as you can possibly make it. Go absolutely insane over it. Show me how fucked up Elphie's mental state is right now!! I want an Elphie who truly and utterly believes she's a villain now.

Uhhhh anyway, before i go completely into my NGD-rant... it takes a lot to make me dislike / not appreciate an Elphaba tbh. :)

[dangermousie]

I have speedrun finished my rewatch of Princess Agents. It is a very very uneven drama but when it's good, it's so good. And it's genuinely dark and with horrifying stakes and arcs newer dramas do not do.

My two favorite characters on this rewatch actually ended up being Yan Xun and Chun'er. Both have somewhat similar arcs, don't they? They both start as loved and loving darlings and then the world breaks and breaks them and they end the drama as monsters who lost everyone who loved them and who they loved and it's tragic and you completely get why they became what they became.

Also, the moment Yan Xun declares his rebellion (pushed into that timeline by the emperor who plans to use his wedding to Chun'er as a trap to murder him) is still just BLOOD PUMPING!!!

When I first watched this when it aired back in 2017, I was hardcore Chu Xiao x Yuwen Yue but i found myself not only utterly switching ships this time around, I also genuinely don't like YY as a person. LGX is wonderful in the role and he and ZLY have genuinely insane chemistry but YY is just...privileged and smug with it. Let me put it this way - he can talk about morals and what not, but he's one main character who's never been tormented and taken apart - the way Chu Xiao, Yan Xun, Chun'er, Chun'er's brother etc ever were. It is so easy of him to sit there and pronounce judgment when it's his action and inaction that led to so much of it. When CX accuses him of being a bystander and thus guilty, she is not wrong.

By the end, it is very clear that Yan Xun and CX can never be - their morals and paths diverged too much (his trauma has driven him into a different kind of hell than he was in Chang'an and she won't follow him into it, rightly.) In fact, in a different story, I'd love to see him and Chun'er actually end up together and find fucked up and fitting love. And I get why she chooses YY but but BUT - I am actually content with the ending of the drama i.e., her getting neither. It's a really fitting dark ending for every character, tbh.

Side note - I have nothing against gorgeous elegant fragile looking recent cdrama MLs. They are works of art. But I miss the era when generals looked like generals. LGX and Shawn Dou and the rest of them look like they can actually lift a spear without keeling over.

[antiadvil]

thank u for being the migraine advocate around here it’s nice to see someone giving context to what phil and other migraine sufferers (like me!) deal with. i have recently started actually doing something more about my head issues than just taking utterly useless NSAIDs as needed so i dont know a lot of things yet and i didn’t know there was a word for that extreme touch sensitivity! its been especially tough since i have been dealing with 2 slow-healing ear piercings that are still pretty sensitive so i cant really have my hair down but then it also hurts to put it up 🙄 so frustrating!! anyway yeah phil is insane for the hat thing id rather die than have anything wrapped around my head like that

ahhh that means a lot to hear :') this quote is probably garbled bc it's like third or fourthhand by now but someone once told someone else that part of everyone's migraine treatment plan should be activism and somehow that quote made its way to me and i thought it was kind of silly at first but i get it now. i was like how is raising migraine awareness going to help me?? i am already aware of my migraines?? and then i realized that a big part of how i got this bad was a complete lack of understanding about my condition on so many levels and i was like oh. ohhhhhhhhh. it's too late for early intervention for me but i hope that by sharing my experiences ppl can learn from my mistakes. my migraines are super genetic, both sides of the family get bad headaches and my younger siblings have really similar headache patterns to me when i was their age, so it brings me a lot of comfort to know that whatever happens with my headaches, my siblings are better positioned to deal with theirs because of what we've learned from my experiences.

i'm glad to hear you're doing something more about your migraines!! i hope things go well for you. migraine treatment can be such a painful slog sometimes but i hope you find something that helps quickly and with minimal side effects. i love to see ppl discover treatment options other than ibuprofen bc i used to think that normal pain meds were the only way to treat headaches and i was like well no one's going to give me opioids so if ibuprofen doesn't work i should just go die i guess :') and i was right that no one was going to give me opioids lmao but i didn't realize that there were migraine-specific options. i also didn't realize that i was getting migraines but you know! that's a whole separate thing.

and the earring thing sounds super annoying! that's another downside to getting a daith piercing that i didn't consider lmao. tbh one of the reasons i'm cutting my hair (it's pretty long right now) is it's difficult to take care of when i can't put it up. i never realized how often i need to put my hair in a ponytail until it started hurting lol.

also, migraines are soooo complicated and can have so many weird symptoms, i was really lucky that the doctor who did my neurology intake was super thorough when taking a history and explained that a lot of problems i had been dealing with were actually migraine related. i'd been dealing with some weird low-level but constant congestion for a while and my neck was always stiff and achy and i thought it was maybe allergies or something wrong with my pillow but OOPS turns out those are just migraine symptoms. and there's a lot of terminology that i didn't know either, i still cringe at my misuse of the word aura for a few months (i thought it was just any migraine symptom that wasn't a headache 😭) and i also did not know what chronic migraines meant lmao. i was correct when i said i had chronic migraines but only on accident (i thought it was like, chronic if you kept getting them for months/years, bc usually chronic just means a long lasting condition but for migraines it refers to a specific number of headache/migraine days per month). and like it's just words and i don't want to place too much importance on words but it's nice to know that other people experience the same symptom and knowing medical words makes research and dealing with doctors easier. i have probably gone a little bit insane and definitely do not need to know as much about migraines as i do but oh well :') i've always felt the need to understand my treatment options and the medications i'm taking, and i am proud of the amount that i know about migraines and migraine medication and my medication specifically.

unfortunately, the wad hat remains a medical mystery, lmao, phil said it helped with migraines from his phone so i thought maybe it was a light thing?? but he seemed to think it was the pressure helping, and i do get why that helps some people when they already have a headache (even though it doesn't work out very well for me), so maybe it's just like, light sensitivity causing a headache but the headache usually goes away when he stops looking at the light? i get headaches like that sometimes, where they go away when the light source/other trigger goes away, the thing is, i always have some level of a migraine, and phil's said he doesn't get the painful ones continuously (which is what i have lmfao). but i've heard of some people with chronic migraine dealing with symptoms like photophobia during the interictal phase (and idk if he's still dealing with continuous vestibular symptoms in which case it's not really interictal anyways), so maybe it's something like that? i need someone to study phil's wad cap under a microscope. i don't expect like, broadly applicable results from this study, i just need to know.

[pernesophe]

28 and Feeling Great*

*it's been a crazy year and I've gone through a lot of changes. Mostly changes with my body. I've developed psoriasis in the past few years, as well as a heart condition, and I'm underweight. I'm just not as strong or capable as I once was. I spent a lot of this year feeling sucky about it and beating myself up for not being able to do what I used to be able to do. I think I've been going through the 'denial' part of grieving the body and independence I once had.

There've been a lot of times this year where I've felt too skinny (kind of malnourished looking tbh), and a lot of people in my life have complimented me for my weight and being healthy (when I'm not). It's created this weird frustrating space where I feel ashamed of my body, and also angry that I'm being praised for it.

My body has been used a lot as a comparison, or maybe 'the goal' for others and that hasn't helped my overall feelings about it either. Because no one likes hearing that their goal weight or body type isn't healthy, and by extension may not be good. But if I'm being completely honest, rarely am I apart of those conversations in any way other than being the example.

And I'm sure there's a ton of variables in my life that led to this, but being used an example (and that being really the only time anyone talked to me about my body) has never really made me feel desirable. It also never addressed my own insecurities. I often felt used, passed over, and just unheard when it happened.

To avoid these awkward comparisons and feelings, I have built up a wardrobe of baggy clothes that do not show my body. I don't go out of my way to show myself off. More often than not, I am a wallflower.

I think I've been focused on avoiding the uncomfortable feelings - turning away from the mirror before I see my own reflection - because I "don't want to be perceived" or because I "don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable".

But I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling bad about my body, or wishing that I could put on more weight so I can feel better about it. This year I didn't lose weight, which is really awesome when it's been an uphill battle just to maintain what I have and just to simply have an appetite.

(There's still a lot of room for improvement, and I'm excited to take those steps later this year with medical intervention)

Mr Pern helps me take photos like these sometimes, because I don't want to be 60, 70, 80+ years old and that's when I start appreciating my body.

So I'm appreciating my body now. It's strong, and has persistently worked round the clock to keep me alive. It's given me 28 years, and I hope it will be willing and able to give me a lifetime.

Of course there are still parts I feel embarrassed about, but I'm happy that this year (finally) I can say "I'm attractive" without cringing or seeking out a flaw before someone else can. Today I can look at these photos without feeling utterly embarrassed, and I can actually find parts of myself that I like.

My favorite parts in these photos are my legs and my shoulders, which is insane to me. I used to think my thighs were too wide and my shoulders too broad, but I don't see myself that way anymore. Now, I find myself looking at those parts the most, but only because I really like them.

This was a difficult year in a lot of ways, and I'll say that I wasn't trying to do a lot of deliberate work towards bettering my body image. I cut out a lot of social media that even passively contained negative body talk, and I did a lot of internal work (mostly through my private writing).

I'm hoping, that with a little more deliberate thoughts and actions, that I'll be in an even better place next year. Hopefully there will be more parts of myself that I can find to appreciate at 29 too <3