#completely altered my brain chemistry i fear :(

[poguelandia]

And what if I lose everything? You’ll still have me.

[mcl-mia]

//zeus week day 6 - offering

to offer one's body and soul - is that not the highest form of loyalty?

[roeiswriting]

BCC truly taking on the roles of manipulative parental figures has altered my brain chemistry.

The moment Claudio opened his mouth to say he was disappointed in Yuta after everything they’ve been through, going as far to say “I thought I taught you better” and “you’re old enough to make your own decisions” really reinforcing that idea of a broken family. Their bond being the most prevalent on screen for some time, the silly things they do just because it’s them like the crab dance, now he’s evoking this pure feeling of how can he have the audacity to say these things?

Then Mox saying he believes Yuta has the “strength” to “do the right thing” saying it’s all his choice and that he’s “free to leave” he’s “not trapped” it’s his “choice” when they were the ones who have put him in this situation, not only by doing what they did to Bryan but by purposefully leaving yuta in the dark then expecting him to fight alongside them. They have trapped him but they’re relying on the strong connection and emotions they know Yuta has tied to them.

Shaking their heads looking around at eachother saying Yuta is the one who has to look himself in the mirror each day, the fear of disappointing a mentor or parental figure being one most know well.

With Yuta himself he’s completely distraught, he doesn’t know what day it is, he’s forgetting things & he’s struggling because these past few years he’s been given that direction by the exact men trying to use his own emotional state against him… yet the one thing he is doing is guiding himself using the words of the dragon.

What a perfect direction to take this story, what a perfect way to elevate Yuta and make people care so deeply about what happens to him and what he decides to do.

[pretzel-box]

wait. WAIT.. THE REVERSE AU DID SMTHN TO MY BRAIN. I HAVE A REQUEST..

please hear me out; reverse au seb x reader, and the reader saves him from dying to something (probably a wall dweller or perhaps (door 30.) pandemonium) because that'd be funny i feel.....

i really liked the jacket one. it has. altered my brain chemistry.

SEQUEL TO PAYMENT RECIEVED

words: 1,5k

tags: Reversed AU, human sebastian, experiment reader, gn reader, fluff at the end

Sebastian muttered under his breath as he continued his exploration, frustration evident in his every move. “I swear, if I ever see the Urbanshade staff members in person again, I’m stuffing them into one of those lockers too.” His voice was rough with anger as he yanked open a locker door, only to slam it shut with a force that made it bounce back slightly. The sight of the locker door refusing to stay closed sent a fresh wave of irritation through him, and without thinking, he kicked the locker. Pain shot through his foot, and he hissed, biting back a curse.

His day was going from bad to worse. As if on cue, his flashlight began to flicker, the weak beam of light stuttering before fading completely, leaving him shrouded in darkness. “Great, just great,” he muttered, the sound of his voice swallowed by the pitch-black room. This was the worst moment since he’d arrived here—he was sure of it. The Navipath had shown Door 28 right before the electricity cut out, leaving him stumbling through the dark, colliding with abandoned furniture and debris as he felt his way to the next door.

Room 29 was a welcome change. The lights were still on, casting a soft glow over neat office desks. Stacks of papers were scattered around, and a large, faded poster with the title “Pretzel Box was here” hung on the wall. The sight of the ordinary office supplies gave the room a strangely peaceful atmosphere, a stark contrast to the chaos outside. Sebastian allowed himself a moment to breathe, moving toward the nearest desk to check the drawers. The first drawer he opened contained a keycard, which he pocketed immediately. He didn’t know what it was for yet, but he had learned to grab anything that looked remotely useful.

The other drawers held mostly junk, but he managed to find a few valuable items that he knew would interest you, the shopkeeper he’d met down the halls. The thought of you brought a small smile to his lips; he could already imagine your bright smile when he showed up at your shop with a handful of treasures. But first, he had to make it there in one piece.

Suddenly, the room’s lights began to flicker once he opened the Door Nr.30. Sebastian’s smile vanished, replaced by a cold dread that settled in his stomach. His heart rate spiked as the familiar, chilling sensation of impending danger washed over him. The fluorescent bulbs flickered faster, casting erratic shadows that danced across the walls. He heard it then—a distant, inhuman scream that sent shivers down his spine.

“Pandemonium,” he whispered, fear gripping him. He’d heard the stories, seen the aftermath, but he had never faced it directly. Not until now.

Instinct kicked in. Sebastian darted to the nearest locker, yanking it open and squeezing inside. He tried to control his breathing, forcing himself to stay quiet, his heart pounding so loudly he was sure it would give him away. The room fell into an eerie silence, broken only by the distant sound of something approaching growing louder, closer.

The door to the room slammed open, and Sebastian held his breath, every muscle in his body tense. He heard the heavy, wet sound of something dragging itself across the floor, and then the unmistakable sound of a body slamming against the locker he was in. The locker door he was hiding in rattled as Pandemonium slammed into it, trying to pry it open. Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut, panic surging through him. He was out of time.

Just as Pandemonium smashed against the locker again, a sudden noise from outside the room made it pause. The creature let out a frustrated snarl, turning its attention toward the new sound. Sebastian dared to peek through the small slits in the locker door, his heart still hammering in his chest.

And then he saw you.

You stood in the doorway, your hybrid form barely visible in the dim light. Your eyes glowed faintly, reflecting the flickering lights, and your claws were extended, ready for a fight. “Hey, ugly!” you shouted, your voice echoing through the room. “Looking for someone?” The bright light of a flash beacon in your hand blinded the creature badly.

Pandemonium let out a furious roar and lunged toward you, abandoning the locker that hid Sebastian. You moved with inhuman speed, dodging its attack, your tail flicking behind you as you sidestepped its lumbering form. You slashed at it with your claws, your movements fluid and deadly.

“Get out of here, Sebastian!” you shouted over your shoulder, still keeping your eyes on the creature. “Go! Now!”

Sebastian didn’t need to be told twice. He pushed the locker door open and stumbled out, his body shaking with adrenaline. He risked a glance back at you, watching as you fought off the creature with a fierce determination. He wanted to help, to stay and fight, but he knew he would only be a liability.

He turned and bolted for the exit, sprinting down the hall as fast as his legs would carry him. He could hear the sounds of the battle behind him, the roars of Pandemonium and the sharp, angry snarls of your voice. He didn’t stop running until he was far away, collapsing against a wall to catch his breath.

He waited, chest heaving, listening for any sound of pursuit. But the only sound he heard was the pounding of his own heart. After what felt like an eternity, he forced himself to his feet and started moving again, heading toward the familiar path that would lead him back to your shop.

Sebastian stumbled back into your shop, chest still heaving from the adrenaline. He looked around, waiting for you to return. His mind was racing with thoughts of what had just happened, and how close he had come to being torn apart by Pandemonium. The shop felt like a sanctuary, a place where he could finally catch his breath.

After what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes, he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. His heart leaped as he saw you step into the shop, looking a bit battered but very much alive. You had a few scratches and bruises on your arms, but your eyes were bright and filled with that familiar spark of mischief.

“You look like you’ve been through a blender,” you teased, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. “Let me guess—you tried to pet Pandemonium?”

Sebastian chuckled, a relieved grin spreading across his face despite his exhaustion. “Yeah, well, I thought it could use a hug. Turns out, not a fan.”

You rolled your eyes, walking over to him and giving him a playful shove on the shoulder. “Idiot. I told you to keep your distance from the big, scary monsters, didn’t I?”

Sebastian shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but failing. “Yeah, yeah, but where’s the fun in that?”

“Oh, so getting mauled by a creature from your worst nightmares is your idea of fun?” you shot back, your tone dripping with sarcasm. “Good to know. I’ll make sure to schedule more near-death experiences for you.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Thanks for saving my ass back there. I thought I was done for.”

You folded your arms, giving him a once-over. “You’re lucky I was in the neighborhood. Otherwise, you’d be a very pretty smear on the floor right now.”

“Pretty, huh?” Sebastian grinned, leaning against the wall as he caught his breath. “So, you think I’m pretty?”

You snorted, rolling your eyes again but failing to hide your smile. “I said ‘pretty smear,’ not pretty face. Don’t let it go to your head, Solace.”

Sebastian laughed again, feeling a warmth spread through his chest at your teasing. Despite the danger, the fear, and the madness of this place, moments like this made it all a bit more bearable. “You know,” he said, a bit more seriously now, “I’ve never met anyone quite like you.”

“Damn right you haven’t,” you replied, still sassy but with a hint of softness in your voice. “I’m one of a kind. And don’t you forget it.”

“I don’t think I could if I tried,” Sebastian said quietly, his eyes meeting yours. For a moment, the two of you just stood there, the playful banter giving way to a deeper connection.

You broke the silence with a mock sigh, dramatically placing a hand over your heart. “Careful, Solace. Keep talking like that, and I might think you’re actually starting to like me.”

He chuckled, pushing off the wall and taking a step closer to you. “Maybe I am,” he admitted, his voice soft. “Maybe more than a little.”

You blinked, momentarily caught off guard by his honesty. But then, your lips curled into a grin. “Well, you better hold onto that thought, because if you pull another stunt like today, I’m letting Pandemonium have you for lunch.”

Sebastian laughed, the sound filling the small shop. “Deal,” he said, smiling. “No more stunts. Just… maybe stick around a bit longer?”

You nodded, your playful demeanor softening as you looked at him. “Yeah, I think I can do that,” you said softly. “Just try not to get yourself killed, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” Sebastian replied, his smile widening. For the first time in a long time, he felt a glimmer of hope, a sense of belonging in this strange, dangerous place. And it was all because of you.

[sufferingink]

the way that TMA has altered my brain chemistry is unreal so here's 911 characters and their fear alignments (without having watched past season four):

Buck: I don't think his would actually be The Lonely. while that's certainly part of it, I think too much of his fear comes from the idea that he's replaceable and filling too much space and needs to hide parts of himself to be loved and if that's not The Stranger, I'm not sure what is.

(I think you could probably make a case for all of them EXCEPT the corruption. when faced with a decomposing dead body he stabs it without gloves to manually drain fluids. when faced with a maggot that had crawled from somewhere I'd prefer not to think about, he goes "maggot :D!" he's kinda chill around killer bees apparently?? I've not gotten that far. but he's not afraid of bugs or sickness or anything so long as it doesn't keep him from his people. tldr: Buck loves bugs too much to be a corruption avatar)

Eddie: that's The Desolation babey. Is terrified of losing everything, so blows up his life before anyone else can. routinely loses things, relationships, people in a dramatic fashion, usually descending into guilt spirals that makes everything so much worse. has yet to end a relationship on even remotely good terms, I think it's fair to say they'd all be better to not have been with him at all

Bobby: I'm actually not too sure about this one but I'll go with The Eye. After the fire that killed his family he talks about how he should have known better, both in doing drugs and in the building's many safety violations. He's a fire captain that takes the injuries of his people very seriously because they happened under his watch and he should have kept a closer eye on them. he's got religious guilt. he even immediately gets sucked into spying on people "just in case" just like one Jonathan Sims circa Magnus Archives season 2

Maddie: The Hunt. do I need to explain this one? her abusive husband LITERALLY HUNTED HER through the woods. not to mention her relationship with her parents. The Hunt is also the fear that the people closest to you would turn on you, and I think trying to erase your brother from existence, leaving you (a ten year old) to raise your OTHER brother, then completely ABANDONING YOU when you get into previously mentioned abusive marriage qualifies as a betrayal, one that has broken her trust in others to help her (Buckley parents when I find you-)

Chim: The Lonely. his mother died when he was young, his father barely speaks to him, one of his brothers died BECAUSE OF HIM (in his mind anyway), he refuses to admit he thinks of his found family as more his family than his blood relatives till his late thirties, and I haven't got to where Tommy gets reintroduced, but Chim's origin episode I'm sorry but he's trying a LOT, TOO MUCH to become friends with someone that's been exclusively a jerk to him, he strikes me as a lonely guy

Athena: The Hunt as well, and I'm not just saying that because she's a cop! that's only part of it- but she's also a black woman working in a police department. she's aware of how easy it is for officers to get away with basically anything, even aware of exactly how unsafe her OWN family is, yet insists on staying and insists that there are more good cops than bad. you can't tell me she doesn't doubt that every single day, and what if they prove her wrong? (remember what I said about the fear of being turned on?)

Hen: I'm feeling The End, but less in a Death™ way and more of "there's nowhere to go from here." Hen prides herself on her ability to learn and grow so naturally that hard stop, you will be exactly as you are now forever, scares her. also people keep telling me she's the only one yet to get a major near death experience soooo

Ravi: Buck

[mori-does-sw]

Of Hell May Smile

PAIRING(S) \ Vampire!Marshall Commander Fox x GN!Reader SYNOPSIS \ You've got an agreement with the Coruscant Guard, an agreement that Fox is looking to cash out on for the usual reasons as well as some more... personal ones. WARNING(S) \ Very brief horror, detailed descriptions of blood and blood drinking, minor injury, description of altered mental states (vampire spit is drugs), some very minor suggestive content A/N \ I saw a vampire Fox post once and I think it changed my brain chemistry. This man has me by the throat at All Times and I am unashamed of that fact lmao. So, anyways, here's exactly 1500 words of my own spin on that idea in honor of spooky month!

It’s when they start turning out the lights for the night that the Senate archives, usually a place of refuge from sneering politicians and throngs of reporters, becomes ominous. You always feel on-edge, walking through the darkened halls with only the flashlight on your datapad and the sound of your own footsteps for company.

But you aren’t a child anymore, you tell yourself; There aren’t any monsters going to jump out of the nearest shadow to get you. You aren’t still afraid of the dark. That would be ridiculous.

That’s why, when a shadow detaches from the wall, you’re primed and ready to send the datapad on hand flying in its direction. It misses, and faster than you can open your mouth to voice your terror, they slap a hand over your lips and start dragging you back into their hiding spot.

Instinctively, you claw at your attacker’s shoulders only for your nails to slide harmlessly down smooth, cool plastoid. A stab of startling clarity, and your eyes are darting to the sword-and-cog insignia emblazoned in red across his pauldron. Higher up, to a familiar helmet with a familiar color scheme—Fox.

The fight leaves you so quickly you sag in his grip, a moment of weakness he readily abuses to drag you further into the alcove. You register your shoulders hitting the wall, then your back, until the bulk of his armor is pressing you deep into the shadows.

“Can I help you, commander?” you finally work up the courage to ask, unable to soften the bite from your words. His silence makes it hard to calm your racing nerves, to pull your thoughts together, to think at all.

Your quickened breathing is loud in the small space between you. The pop of his helmet’s airtight seal is louder. You flinch at the sudden noise, but go still when one of his hands starts to rub soothing circles into your hip bone. With the other, he lifts his helmet off and lets it fall to the ground, clattering loudly and then rolling into your ankle.

There’s a long pause, and then: “I’m hungry.”

“... Ah.”

Fox has always taken great care to maintain the facade of the infallible commander of the guard, the model clone trooper complete with a regulation haircut and the emotional range of wet cardboard. The headlines call him steadfast, the citizens, cold-blooded; His quarry can only say he’s terrifying.

In this moment, he’s desperate. Vulnerable. Any anger beginning to brew from his rude surprise cools at the sight.

His whole body is trembling, almost vibrating, and his eyes are so far blown that they’re almost totally black. His skin has turned colorless and ashy, corpse-like, and its frigidity can be felt through the thick fabric of his gloves. 

Fox’s mouth is slightly parted, the distended tips of his fangs pressing into his bottom lip. You can’t tear yourself away from the sight, darkly fascinated by the way they gleam wetly with saliva. You can feel the blood rushing through your body, drumming in the places where your veins lay beneath your skin. Where you know he’ll sink his teeth.

You swallow heavily, your fear replaced by a not dissimilar, but altogether different thrill.

The clones of the Coruscant Guard have been on the receiving end of the public’s… curiosity. Whispers abound, they say that the guards never take off their helmets. That the workload is too heavy for their number, that they must go days without sleeping to keep up; Some claim that they don’t breathe.

Even before you knew what, exactly, made them the way they are, you agreed with the general sentiment: There is something incredibly eerie about the Coruscant Guard.

The chill of Fox’s skin makes you shiver as his nose bumps against your jaw. He inhales raggedly, his breastplate digging more firmly into your skin with the motion.

“Your heart is beating very fast.” He sounds off, dazed like he’s already half-drunk with blood. Your pulse kicks up even higher when he presses his mouth to that soft spot under your jaw to feel it.

You must make some noise, because after a moment he pulls away. The heat of Fox’s gaze bores into you even when you can’t meet his eyes.

“Am I scaring you?”

“... No.”

For all that you’d been doing this for several months you’d never been approached by Fox in the same way as his vode. Others who’d taken the agreement—credits for your blood and discretion—had offered and been turned down. If the shinies who stayed back to chat were to be believed, he only fed from his closest compatriots.

That doesn’t mean you haven’t noticed the weight of Fox’s gaze on you, observing you like he can’t help himself. You haven’t wondered what his bite would feel like, if he’d be as sweet and apologetic as some of the younger Corries, or whip-fast and to-the-point like Commander Stone. You haven’t considered if he’d want you to feel just as good as him.

It feels like you’ve swallowed sand, with how dry your mouth is. Every inhale whistles through your esophagus, which, in the meantime, feels like it’s been scraped raw. Your face is uncomfortably hot. Fox’s thumb is still swirling hypnotic, utterly damning circles against your hip.

Licking your lips, you try to smile. “I can handle it, if you promise to be gentle.”

The first prick of his fangs stills you; You’re biting your lip to keep quiet. But as Fox continues to sink his teeth into the column of your neck, you can’t help the soft whine that escapes your lips. He hums low in his throat, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of your head. He tilts it gently away from where he’s fixed, lessening some of the pressure.

Being held my him doesn’t hurt. It’s barely uncomfortable. And after a moment, the bite stops being painful too—ebbing away as a heated flush slowly spreads through your body.

You can feel blood pooling around the punctures and sliding down your neck. Fox laps it up hungrily. Much like the rest of him, his tongue is cold, and it feels odd passing over your skin.

The longer he feeds, the more pronounced the effects it has on you become. Your memory of Thire’s explanation escapes you, something about sedatives and happy chemicals that keep their prey pliant. It feels like your brain is melting, thoughts slipping from your grasp like water dripping through a sieve. You blink multiple times, hard, and distantly note how your vision has gone fuzzy at the edges. 

You think you should be frightened by this, but you can’t figure out why. Fox has you; You’re warm, safe, and perfectly content to go boneless in his hold for as long as he wants you there.

After an indeterminable amount of time, you’re roused by a strange sensation reverberating through your chest. It takes an embarrassing amount of time for you to realize that Fox is purring.

Many times you’ve done this, and not once has a Corrie purred like they’re shaking apart, trying to fit you inside their ribcage and keep you there. 

“Oooh, the big bad commander is getting soft,” You giggle drunkenly. 

“Pipe down. You’re just—warm,” he mutters, brusque tone belying the way he fists the back of your uniform in his attempt to press closer. Seeing as he’s already pinned you bodily down, Fox isn’t very successful. Nevertheless, his satisfaction is clear when he starts purring louder.

“That’s just because your body sucks.”

A pang of disappointment shoots through you when Fox finally pulls back. His breathing is slow, but heavy, and he’s still curled into you like gravity is pulling him in. Your brain is still too addled to control the pathetic whimper that slips out at the loss of proximity. 

Fox chuckles raspily, moving to dot kisses like freckles across your cheeks. Your legs are wobbling, fawn-like, and when he steps back you have to grab him again, lest you keel over and onto the duracrete floor.

Fox is looking much better. There’s a healthy flush to his face that speaks to the new blood flowing through his system, and his eyes have returned to their normal brown. The relaxed set of his mouth, however, dips down into a frown as he surveys you.

“... I got greedy, took more than I needed. My apologies.”

“It’s okay,” you sigh, “You needed it.”

Your eyes keep sliding closed without your permission, but, more lucid now, you manage to prop one eye open and fix him with a coy look. “However, I wouldn’t mind someone taking responsibility for his actions and helping me back to my flat.”

“Yeah,” Fox murmurs, pressing a coppery kiss beside his weeping bite mark. You can feel him smirking against your tender, abused flesh, and shiver. “I can take care of you.”

When the lights finally click off and plunge you into pitch-black darkness, Fox silences your startled shout with his own mouth.

[ash-and-starlight]

Books of 2023

the list nobody asked for <3

My reading habits had gone a bit stagnant in the past couple of years so this year i made the effort to engage in reading again and wow books really are good!! who would have thought! Sharing this year's book log with the small reviews i did while reading yeah i am That kind of list lover if u feel like being nosy, (and maybe even help mi crowdsource reading recs based on my likes 👀🤲?)

The left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula i Need to know your thoughts on omegaver- [gunshot] THAT ASIDE yeah. mrs Le Guin you've done it again. I can see why everyone got their brain chemistry altered by this book.

The Membranes - Chi Ta-Wei another brain chemistry altering book. would love to discuss it with a gender studies major lmao

Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie its a v atmospheric and poignant story, I know I would have loved it more if I was familiar with the rich religious/cultural background it draws from

The Masquerade Series - Seth Dickinson Crazy insane in the membrane about this series. one of the most compelling worldbuildings I've ever seen, and most importantly it features one of the most crazy wet pathetic scrunkly meow meow protagonists i've ever had the pleasure of reading about.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides i liked the writing style of this book a lot! idk how well it holds up re: intersexuality topic, but its a very engaging read.

Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers: Monstrosity, Patriarchy, and the Fear of Female Power - Jude Ellison, Sady Doyle The title says it all honestly, its a beautiful, thought provoking and engaging essay, spanning eras, pop culture phenomenons, and real life events on the topic of women and horror.

The cat who saved books - Sōsuke Natsukawa this was so cute and heartfelt, it will really make you go Ah Yes, this is Why we Love Books <333

The Locked Tomb Series - Tamsyn Muir now when people say there is a girl who is the cursed sacrifice of 2000 infants who falls in love with the sleeping embodiment of the soul of the Earth (barbie) and also another girl who is the only survivor of the aforementioned sacrifice and is. a Jesus metaphor? and also the two girls become one at some point. and every book is a different genre. and god is bisexual. and memes survived the nuclear apocalypse. I can just nod and say so true.

The Area X Trilogy - Jeff VanderMeer Rotating this series in the microwave of my mind at the speed of light it's soSO GOOD!! the movie doesn't even come close honestly u NEED to read the books. and then go touch grass and be aware of every strand in a completely new way.

The Dawn of Yangchen - F. C. Yee nice read! I was more invested in the worldbuilding crumbs than in the actual story lmao, I will forever think about the HEATED airball rivalry between the air temples and about the swt greetings / bethrotal armbands.

Inuit Stories of Being and Rebirth: Gender, Shamanism, and the Third Sex - Bernard Saladin d'Anglure starting w a disclaimer bc I feel like the topic of native colonization was ignored when it should have been way more prominent when talking about the context of where and when these testimonies were collected?? That aside it was very interesting and well put together, with first account testimonies of Inuit elders about their myths, lifestyles and beliefs.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee i read the book after having seen the tv series (which i also rlly recommend). Very moving story about a family and its generations, from Korea under Japanese colonization to modern day America.

Her body and other parties - Carmen Maria Marchado sometimes I go about my day then I remember this book exists and stare at the wall for 30 minutes.

Dictionnaire de l'impossible - Didier Van Cauwelaert big miss. this collection of articles about "strange impossible phenomenons" sounded so quirky and interesting but i sure would have loved if the author hadnt so clearly picked a side. and also way too much church for my tastes.

He who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker Chan Im not even gonna speak about this one if you've followed me since july you know what pits of insanity and despair i'm in

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin Sometimes!! the book with pretty covers put in the "famous on socials" bookstore section!! are good!! It's about being othered it's about connection it's about diaspora it's about love and friendship and most of all it's about viddy games.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel reading this post-covid and learning it was written in 2017 was A TRIP. Psychic damage at every page. still feeling very normla.

The Mask of Apollo - Mary Renault Ugh i desperately wanted to like this book because the setup is so interesting and full of potential, but the end result was just. flat. flat story flat characters the plot focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times i was so DONE when i reached the end otz.

Babel - R. F. Kuang LOVED the worldbuilding in this, the "lost in translation" system of magic is one of the most interesting things ive ever read. I think theres something about the writing in general that didn't win me over completely?? but all in all a very good

Red Ocean - Han Song This sure is a Book. That i've Read. its so profundly strange and unlike anything ive come across that i dont even know what to feel about it. i think 90% of my confusion comes from Not Getting Cultural References so if someone has a "red ocean explained" essay plz send it my way bc i couldnt find one.

[pinkpastels113]

do you read books? if yes, do you have any recs? hope ur having a good week !

yesss and mostly romance books lmfao so look out:

she gets the girl- rachel lippincott and alyson derrick

wlw young adult romance where one helps the other be less awkward and nervous in talking to their crush but ends up falling for her instead while "helping," gasp v cutesy and scandalous and adorably cliche no?!

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo- taylor jenkins reid

need i explain further??! it's a modern staple in the wlw community and i am still losing my mind over the plot twist at the end of book and how she was so in love with celia hhhhhhh and ive only read it once so far!! i think i consumed it in like the span of three or four days lmfao bc it was THAT good. i was HOOKTH. the scenes are starting to fade away in clarity in my mind tho (im a very visual reader as in, i visualize and picture scenes in my mind when i fully immerse myself in a book or fanfic) in contrast with the way the book is collecting dust in my bookshelf/nightstand rn AHHAHHA i will need to reread it again soon (and lose my psyche over it!! again!!)

scrappy little nobody- anna kendrick

reaffirmed my love for anna kendrick bc it was very entertaining, amusing, and revelatory for me to read a memoir that was entirely in her voice; it felt as if she was speaking directly to me, yknow?? she was hilarious in her choice of wording and stories and i didn't even realize that i had finished the book until it was the last page <33 she is one of those actresses that actually make you feel like you are on the same earth as them bc they are human too (unlike taylor for me sometimes adfshjhk)

heartless- marissa meyer

slowly making my way through this book rn (amidst work, writing, reading fanfic, being addicted to tumblr, playing wild rift, etc etc) and so far so good! a spin on how the queen of hearts of wonderland came to be (and yes i bought the book after watching descendants ror lolololol bc i became SUPER obsessed with the qoh and her daughter in that universe <33); how she was supposed to marry the king but wasnt really interested in him bc she just wanted an ordinary life aspiring to be a baker and how she secretly fell in love with someone else instead gasp!! forbidden affairs who??! gregory maguire, the author of wicked, had good things to say ab it too so im confident in my rec!

percy jackson and the olympians series- rick riordan

no words needed; one of the first fandoms i got into and still obsessed with percabeth to this day!! i aspire to find my own annabeth chase one day <33

the divergent triology- veronica roth

even tho i spoiled myself with the ending of allegiant this young adult book series CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY IN MIDDLE SCHOOL I TELL YOU. CHANGED. ALTERED. COMPLETELY DISMANTLED AND RECONFIGURED IT. highly recommend (the movies dont do it justice smh)

after the kiss- lauren layne

ummm so yea im embarrassed to say that i bought the ENTIRE series on kindle as well as the spinoff bc like fuckk i became too engrossed with the characters, the relationships, and their world i fear, a couple years back, and i was lapping up every single morsel of interaction btw them when the author would write them in in other books in the franchise. ever heard of how to lose a guy in 10 days?? wellll this first book in the series is basically exactly like that movie but with the roles reversed, with the guy trying to shake the girl off and the girl desperately clinging onto the relationship bc of/for an article. just with.... smut ADFDJHGHJK (i remember literally trying to search for fanfiction for the franchise bc like how can there not adafhjk. and another thing ab the smut!! it's like... actually really well written?? very emotional and not super duper explicit while still being hot, iirc, at least compared to some of the other stuff that ive read sdfshjk. like there's actually feelings involved separately and bc of the boombayah yknow? i actually wish some of the smut that i come across in fanfic sometimes can incorporate that soft/romantic/angsty aspect too haha)

what else what else hmmm

i never got to finish the fault in our stars but that is a rec too, twilight (if only it's bc it's like a huge cultural phenomenon LOLLLL; from what i have read so far it's... decent?? if a bit cringey), sense and sensibility is decent so far as well; and i just got ahold of my copy of wicked and the wednesday novel soooo yall might (ie definitely will) hear from me regarding those soon tooooo

[mintys-musings]

i remembered the idea of Alpha!Mayoi Ayase and the gears are turning. so ig i am writing something for his day v quickly- just some ramble about him in a rut and a gn!reader finding him

NSFW under cut~!

ik ik the logical idea would be to have omega!mayoi but really consider him being an alpha~ :3

if he's in a rut, he's avoiding everyone more than he usually is. he's so fucking ashamed of himself. the shame eats at him and swallows him whole that any rational thought is thrown out in favour of hiding so he can deal with the problem himself.

hell thats even assuming he leaves his room- well actually- he might leave his room in order to go to the most secluded spots of ES that he can think of

100% is crying as he tries to jack himself off. crying- whimpering- moaning in that way he usually does but now it is actually because of something sexual- the whole 9 yards

poor baby if you find him- he would be groveling at your feet apologising. he's so disgusting for revealing his true nature to you like this (he didn't do anything. you just found him like this) he has held your kindness too close to his heart and now he fears you'll despise him for the wretched being he is (he moaned your name a couple times)

if you offer to help him out during his rut, he's going to have an internal struggle. he would nearly pounce on you before his anxiety kicks in and he starts clutching at your legs and asking if it's truly okay

it takes some convincing, but less than normal because his rut is altering his brain chemistry.

would hold off as long as he can to prep you, but foreplay is very sloppy and quick. he needs to be in you. he's begging to be in you.

the minute his dick is in your hole, any self control is out the window. he is ROUGH and FAST. lord help you.

so so vocal. mostly apologising and praising/thanking you between moans and whimpers. he describes everything he's feeling in such detail it's almost like you could feel it too.

drools. drools and bites. he is also apologising for all the mess. he is a very messy person when in a rut. if you let him claim you fully, he's- well first he's gonna cry- second he's gonna mark you up completely. lets you return the favour after because "I'm yours as much as you are mine, darling~ Maybe even more so~"

once his knot pops into place, he's holding you as tight as he can without hurting you and laying down. whispers more thanks and apologies into your hair and kisses your face all over. he's so grateful that he might start up again even before his knot fully relaxes. just humping into your hole until you're both too overstimulated to talk

after everything, is treating you like a precious glass sculpture. absolutely spoils you with care and affection. goes into the following week even in subtle ways like everything you need/thought you loss appearing. sometimes he leaves sticky notes with love hearts so you know exactly who it's from. sweetheart mayoi my beloved scrungly forever mwuah mwuah 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

[sadboytournament]

ROUND ONE

Propaganda

Adriane Tepes/Alucard: Bro's mom got murdered and his dad went insane and tried to wipe out humanity, and Adrian had to kill him to save everyone. AND THEN he had to deal with people trying to revive his dad to cause even more deaths! Also he's immortal so he's outlived everyone he's ever cared about 😭

Jason Todd: (tw: sexual assault mention) the second robin, gets taken in by bruce after his abusive dad walks out and his mum dies of an overdose (and he also steals the wheels of the batmobile, king). bruce trains him to be robin and for his original run he was a pretty cute kid (with the occasional Angst Arcs that are pretty common w robin - special shoutout to jason finding out his dad was actually killed by two face and he just didnt know, and an arc where a woman that reminds him of his mum gets raped by a guy that iirc has diplomatic immunity i think?? or enough power to get away with it? anyway jason fucking kills him so not that immune ig) then death in the family happened and jason found out his mum isnt his biological mum so he sets off trying to find his bio mum, and eventually he meets her, but shes working for the joker and sells jason out to him. the joker then proceeds to beat jason with a crowbar and blows the building hes in up with his mum also inside it, killing them both. dc then does a fun thing for the next 20 years where they start treating jason like the '"""troubled""" """angry""" robin who was too reckless and was always going to end up dead. eventually dc brings jason back (as dc is wont to do), by having him wake up inside his coffin years after dying, dig his way out with his bare hands, and walk half-dead in the general direction of wayne manor until he's hit by a car and taken to the hospital (where all his says is 'bruce' over and over, and when asked who bruce is he responds 'my dad' and passes out) eventually he ends up in talia al ghul's care and is dunked in a lazarus pit to revive him completely, and he finds out not only is the joker still alive, but batmans also replaced him as robin. jason returns to gotham as red hood and has an honestly pretty slay arc where he taunts bruce by doing a better job of cleaning up gotham than him ngl. eventually it all culminates with him luring batman to a building where hes keeping the joker and telling b that his no kill rule is bullshit, and he shouldve killed the joker for taking jason away from him. he gives bruce an ultimatum thats basically if you dont kill me ill kill the joker, you gotta pick' and bruce chooses to instead disarm jason and save them both, and jason escapes. what follows is a lot of ups and downs for red hood comics (mostly due to the "angry robin" narrative dc writers have spun, making a lot of jasons appearances wildly ooc fights, lots of weird (tragically in character) cringefail behaviour, and this odd period where hes a natural redhead and his helmet is this ugly dome). itd be too long to list every jason todd sadboy moment from the last 20 years here but i do want to give a special shoutout to a currect story arc where bruce (who thinks hes being controlled by a 'perfect batman' hes got in his head) gets sick of jason's """reckless behaviour""" and fucking alters jasons brain chemistry so that whenever his adrenaline rises, he'll have a panic attack so severe hes basically incapacitated and can barely speak through his fear (the instant he escapes bruce's captivity he jumps into a burning building to save a little girl im SOFT for him!!). also second special shoutout to the jason todd in the arkham games who didnt even have the luxury of dying at the jokers hand, and was instead tortured for like 3 years, branded, beaten by p much everyone in batmans rogues gallery (and some of jokers goons dressed as batman), eventually jason breaks himself out only to find out that NOT ONLY has bruce replaced him, but it took the man like. a month. like jason wouldnt be thought dead for a long time, he was missing and bruce just went 'ill let this new kid adopt himself' ig? also theres a vr game in the arkham series where you can go into arkham asylum and hear jason screaming 🙃

[summercourtship]

hi! this is probably really random but i just finished reading stay to burn (only to drown instead) and i just... have so much to say. its been two days since i found this and i finished it in the past two nights, staying up till 8 am and reading it with the biggest smile on my face. ive been unbelievably invested. and the first thing i want to mention is the way you wrote jonathan crane.. being an avid nolanverse crane fan (because cillian murphy is papa) i rarely see any fics about him which had me so heartbroken, until i came across this while seeking out battinson fics. and it completely changed my life. i believe no one can write him the way you do, the completely chilling, toxic, manupulative, obsessive, possessive, insane way you wrote him was so unbelievably realistic. i know ill sound a little dramatic but i genuinely have tears in my eyes just writing this review because that whole 16 chaptered masterpiece means so much to me. you have changed my life for the better in a way, i know this is dramatic but im so serious. ive been so happy just reading this (does that sound insane) because you write him so so insanely beautifully, that i am kind of sad because i dont think any other way hes written will ever live up to it. the way you portrayed battinson and edward also had me hooked. it was so brilliant, the relationships were so wonderfully crafted. and the smut was INCREDIBLE. everytime there was a chilling scene with crane i would go back and reread it over and over again. (may i add, the little spit kink and slap part blew me away. thank you for that) especially really loved him being a psychology professor. and scarily dominant and so eerily calm. your writing brought back my love for him, made me want to rewatch his scenes over and over again so i could fantasize about him instead of doing homework or something. the last part about his fear toxin sticking with you, a part of him instilled within the reader, the way he said she belonged to him— how calmly he challenges her, tries to gain control over her life, a mix of tropes that are my absolute favourites strung together in your brilliant work. i wish i could read it for the first time again, i wish there were 10 more parts of it. i started the fic because im obsessed with battinson, but i immediately got invested into crane and reader's toxic relationship which was so beautifully written. and even though its unhealthy it made me crave something like it. (can you tell i have father issues) im so so sorry for writing so much but i just finished the fic and its almost 5 am here and i had to send in my appreciation. every single part about the fic was perfect— the way you wrote bruce, and edward had me fucking terrified but it was so good. another thing i adored was the way you portrayed reader— i could reflect myself in her. i could feel like i was there. the settings, the themes, the way you portrayed arkham— everything was wonderfully crafted. im kinda running out of adjectives omg because im just.. i just loved it so so so much. thank you for writing this. and especially for altering my brain chemistry forever with how you wrote crane. especially the fear aspects. everything. literally everything. he's perfect.

and i beg you, if you ever plan to write for him again, i cant wait to read it. im begging you to please do it. no pressure, of course. im just kind of upset because i feel like any other jonathan fic i read will seem pale because i would keep comparing it to your way of writing him. you're amazing. your writing is everything and i hope you never stop. i just want you to know that you will forever have an avid, enthusiastic reader no matter what. thank you so much. 🎀

(oh my god i went off the rails here... my bad.)

first off: i love getting long messages, never apologize!!

secondly: thank you so much!! I'm honored that this fic means so much to you, it was really a labor of love and I'm so happy that people are still reading it and connecting with it even though it's been a few months since it was completed! I get having a fic kinda change your life- I have a few of those myself! Stories are stories and even if the medium seems lame, they can and will change you if you let it.

The lack of nolan!verse Crane fics was what really inspired me to start working on STBOTDI- I wanted a nice long fic and couldn't find any, which is a true shame! Jonathan was really fun to write, because he's essentially a walking red flag that the reader willing ignores bc she's horny curious.

Not many people have talked about their last conversation in Arkham but I really liked it! I think it is a conversation where they are at their most honest with one another. (Also the bit about the fear toxin lasting in her is kinda hot ngl.)

ALSO I am so happy you connected with the reader! It's always a gamble with reader characters to make them have agency and a personality while hopefully still being somewhat relatable for the actual reader.

I have plans for a multi-fic sequel!! I don't know how much of each relationship will actually be in it, but all of the characters will be there and will be vying for the reader's attention/control over her again. I'm still in the early planning stages of that but I'm hoping to really get it going sometime early next year.

<3

[episodeoftv]

Round 2 of 8, Group 4 of 4

propaganda and summaries are under the cut (May include spoilers)

Kamen Rider Saber: 1.26 Deep Darkness, With a Sword

Calibur's identity turned out to be Kento, who should have died. Despite this revelation however, Kento suddenly leaves telling them he will seal all the Seikens to save the world from destruction. Believing that they can fight together again, Touma and his friends try to engage Primitive Dragon who has caused Touma to go berserk more than once. Meanwhile, Ren is glad to hear that Kento has resurrected, but is told by Reika that he is an enemy of the guild. So just what happened to Kento? This is the beginning of the battle over the Almighty Book, Yuri tells them, being the first owner and keeper of the power of the Sword of Shadows. Yuri confronts Kento alone, but it eventually drags him into a battle against him. Just then, he starts to make his move.

Altered my brain chemistry. A character thought to be dead returns, and turns on his friends. It's gut wrenching as we see how he experienced numerous visions of the future, nearly all including the death of his childhood friend who he cares for deeply. All of these visions are so real to him and bring him to the brink of complete despair. He turns on them, as saving the world side-by-side can only lead to failure and death. You can feel the characters' hearts break as they see their friend is not the same as he once was. But he can't let his friend die, he rather sacrifice himself then let him die. There's a lot of sadness, anxiety, and fear and it's felt by the audience.

The Little House on the Prairie: 1.18 Plague

With the sudden intensity of a prairie storm, typhus is unleashed on an unsuspecting Walnut Grove, teaming Charles with Doc Baker and Reverend Alden, who work together to the point of exhaustion tending to the community's sick and dying; but when new victims begin to pour in from the surrounding countryside the desperate men know they must find the source of the plague if they expect to stop the deadly epidemic.

it's got to be the first full episode I saw of The Little House On the Prairie and man it TRAUMATIZED me like everyone is dying and there are rats.

[celestie0]

Hey Ellie! Is it just me or is it normal to start reading a story with a fear that the author might abandon it?

hi my dear!! i hope this isn't referring to any of my fics LMFAOO pls have faith in me pookie

but no i think that's totally valid haha. omgg back when i was a kpop stan there was this one fic that me n my friend were obsessed w like it literally devastated us and tbh permanently altered my brain chemistry and changed the trajectory of our lives but then the author never updated again DSKJFHSKDHF can u believe that to this day i still check for updates occasionally?? :''') it's been...nine years i think hahah.

i think that's a valid fear! but obv it's up to you. i just prefer to read series over oneshots, so i'm okay with taking the L of a series not being completed bc i'd still rather read a series over something shorter. but if you're struggling w that fear, then maybe sticking to more oneshot or limited series type content might be better? sometimes never starting a fic n living in blissful ignorance is better than starting it and being obsessed w it and then the author never finishes it. me personally i like to live life on the edge (jk im like the safest person you'll ever meet) BUT i'd still take my chances w a fic if i found it enticing

[rocketslacker]

I got tagged by @soul-cairn in like December and then forgor 💀But! Here's my top albums for last year! On the top we have albums that are "newer" additions to my ever-growing hoard of music. Most I knew already but hadn't gotten brainrot about.

Good Kid 3 by Good Kid - Easy pick and #1 in Last.FM just in general. A lot of my scheming this year has been w this one, my enjoyment of it skyrocketed much more in November but. Still. Fave here is probably First Rate Town, but it's very hard to choose. Mimi's Delivery Service and No Time To Explain are also great. They all go hard. In A Million Years by Last Dinosaurs - Last Dinosaurs in general has been very present in my playlists this year, the vibes are immaculate. Fave her is probably Zoom right now, but it zooms between that, Andy, and Sunday Night. Ground - I'm cheating w this one since it's technically a single rn, but it just genuinely changed my brain chemistry like nothing else had done in a few years. Banger. Middle is albums that have just been here year after year. Centésimo Humano by Mad Tree - Akaiitori tagged below introduced me to these guys and I haven't been safe ever since. Alquimia will always reign supreme, but I listened to a lot of La Ciudad Y El Humo and Rubí this year. Fear Is Fleeting by Puppet - MY BELOVED !!! Much like Ground altered my brain chemistry, this completely rewired my braincells. Like this just goes so hard, this is my EP, this is my everything. Fave here is Killing Giants by Puppet & Murtagh ft Richard Caddock !!! But also listened to a lot of Listen to the Storm. Immersion by Pendulum - There's always a lot of Pendulum, but I was surprised it was higher up than In Silico this year. I did listen to a lot of Encoder and Watercolour.

Last but not least, bottom three are albums that have been in my radar and I have been listening to for a while, but didn't get attached to until 2023. Danger Days by My Chemical Romance - A classic. Listened to it so much while working on stuff, I still can't name much of the songs from it since I was often away from the screen, but Planetary Go remained stuck in my head for a long time. I Know You Know Who I Am by Puppet - I'm still not too attached to a lot of the songs here, but it still broke through to my top 10. Here, my favourite would be Good Day, and My Own Thing. Yokohama always holds a special place in my heart. No Mal Que Dure Una Vida by Lika Nova - Also got introduced by Akaiitori, i got super bad brainrot during the summer with Manos Al Fuego and No Me Dejes Caer.

Tagging: @akaiitori @foolish-spectre @ovytia @incorrigiblyindecent @literalfuckingdragon @ayahoes AND everyone else who wants to do it!

[darcyolsson]

literally living for ur tmi reread updates the last time i reread tmi was quarantine i think so i’m getting a lot of nostalgia from this 😭 have u ever watched the movie because i never have but robert sheehan’s simon is who i picture whenever i think about him..anyway jimon is real 🩷

YES the movie is such a cinematic masterpiece i rewatch it every few years. completely altered my brain chemistry fear i still have a weakness for jamie campbell bower to this day. he was my babygirl before I even knew that that was.

robert was SO perfectly cast I still think of his face whenever I think of simon too!!! literally like they created him in a lab to play simon.... also it's so funny to me that all 3 main leads have succesful netflix careers now bc theyre starring in these multi million dollar franchises and im just like "clary from the mortal instruments movie?????"

anyway so true jimon endgame. theyre really kind of thriving rn bc jace and clary are on the verge of a breakup as always but jimon just moved in together #truelove ❤️

[wherewordsare]

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? so i've never actually used Wattpad for it's intended purposes, but I use it to draft things because it has better organization features than google docs and I have a chromebook so my options are pretty limited (if anyone has a better free writing website I would love recommendations). because of that I have to use the default, but when I got to google docs for formatting it's times new roman or i'm going to freak out

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil? there were a couple months where I didn't have a laptop so I had to write by hand and I will only use the precise v5 rolling ball pen (ideally the clicky one not the capped one)

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed? i've recently buckled down because i've decided that I do want to pursue writing as a career and my way of doing that is that I completely drafted out a detailed chapter by chapter outline of the book that i'm writing and am forcing myself to write it completely linear so I have to push through the boring parts and to minimize the possibility of continuity issues

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? feral good or feral bad? I have to force myself not to add 'perhaps' to every sentence because I love a little intrigue, but if you ever catch me using 'growled' in a way that's supposed to be sexy just know that i've been replaced with a doppelganger

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true? no

6. What is your darkest fear about writing? that i'm cringe

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? the whole thing! I've been telling stories quite literally since I learned how to talk (according to my mom) and it just feels like this innate part of my existence. if i'm not writing I feel incomplete

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? action. one of my biggest struggles is keeping things interesting so honestly this would be a breeze for me lmao

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know. I think so yeah

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? someday i'm going to write an adult contemporary psychological horror based on this incredibly disturbing dream I had, but it is literally the most draining and unpleasant thing i've ever written and yet I feel so compelled to put it to paper

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve? sort of? I actually don't really believe in having 'darlings' at all to avoid falling into pitfalls of creating characters that are too good or too cool (the anti mary sue discourse of the early 2010s permanently altered my brain chemistry). if I find myself getting too attached to a character I pull back and assess what i've written and go from there

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules. 10 million dollars, guaranteed success for both my partner and I, and for our dog to be young and healthy until she's 50 years old

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? TW: the aforementioned book that haunts me is filled with a lot of doom and gloom and metaphors for r*pe which is just extremely unpleasant, but at times cathartic. as for what's easy the answer is lesbians and women in general

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back? I don't usually lend things out just because, while i'm a writer, I don't really talk much about what I read with other people who aren't my partner and we live together so it's not like they're leaving out apartment

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? yes lmao

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? tbh I feel like if I were to tell the truth I could get in trouble on Tumblr so just do what you will with that information

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. witches are always born afab, but they can absolutely be trans men (wizards) or non-binary (sorcerers maybe?). there's really only one witch who's an actual character so we're probably not gonna get into that

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. so i'm gonna chose an out of context passage that is subject to change because i'm still pretty early in my linear writing journey. Also this might be a tad spoilery, but it's only a little past the halfway point of book 1 and I plan for this to be a trilogy. "Castle Killmaera had always been on the horizon of her childhood, standing forlornly on the hill its crumbling towers a pale shadow of their former glory, however Joan had never set foot within its blacked walls. Her father had always told her that it was no place for children; that it was dangerous and she could get herself killed by falling rubble or rotting floorboards. She remembered asking him from time to time about the stories of old that his grandfather had told him, but he was tight-lipped and loath to tell her anything more than the simplest legends of their homeland's former glory. Her great-grandfather had been young when his kingdom fell, barely older than she was now, and her own grandfather only four years old still, young as he had been, he remembered it well. He had spoken of that day to her only once just months after her father's death and shortly before she had left to the capital to begin her training. Looking back on it she wondered now if he had told her the story to dissuade her from making that choice, but the meaning had been lost on her young mind." context: Joan is a knight who serves our main kingdom, however she is also the great-granddaughter of the last king of a kingdom that was concord by said main kingdom. her father instilled within her the belief that they owed main kingdom their service and gratitude because their lives were spared and they were even allowed to join the ranks of the other noble families, however at this point she has begun to question his philosophy concept: this point is basically what kicks off the main plot which has a lot of themes of colonization and subjugation. this particular example is heavily based on and inspired by the occupation of the rest of the British Isles by England

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going? i've been writing as long as I can remember and I fully intend on trying to get published and making a career as an author

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch. what if i've already found happiness with my soulmate? I'd chose them obviously

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not? no and I would never want to

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud? I think I mentioned this in the first question, but I use wattpad's writing tool since my chromebook's abilities are pretty limited and it serves me just fine. I like to make bulleted outlines for everything so I can assess the pacing and move things around or cut them out entirely if they mess with the flow too much

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture. currently i'm sitting on the old brown sectional we have in the middle of our small living room. Baby Einstein is playing on the TV since our 11 month old refuses to allow our dog to eat when he's not in his playpen and today he was hardly enthused about being contained. i'm drinking my coffee which went cold an hour ago and my partner is sleeping in since our son is teething and they were up late comforting him.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it? I like to set up a strong foundation and if it's fantasy i'll make a map of the world, but as I write sometimes things change and yes I do enjoy it quite a bit

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? two side characters in book 2 are having an affair, but i won't say who

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? I know this is kind of a bad answer, but I kind of just do? I think I write in a way that's a little more detached (this particular story is third person limited told from two POVs) so it's less like getting into character for me and more like getting to know the characters as separate people and judging their actions accordingly

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? the main character from the psychological horror I keep having to put down. she's just an extremely tortured and miserable person and it brings me down

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? tbh I have no idea

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry? good ol' pinterest. I have boards for all my works and it's honestly kind of funny how many plot points have been inspired by random images

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up? as previously mentioned the psychological horror novel is based on a dream I had

31. Write a short love letter to your readers. what is up my fellow queer women

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you? oooo! I read the great Gatsby for the first time when I was like 13 and this quote hit me like a gut punch. “I hope she'll be a fool -- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate? I do a little drawing and sometimes draw characters from my works since it's good to get a visual. I also do music, but that's its own thing

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go: perfectly fine, but can easily be overused which gets annoying

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens? contractions in prose. I don't use them for the fantasy series i'm working on, but when it comes to contemporary it can really add to the pov character's voice

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know? not much

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you? probably that I was a queer woman (I physically cannot bring myself to write men as anything more than side characters i'm being so fr about this)

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? I mean my writing process is that I just sit down and do it, but based on these questions that might be weird in and of itself?

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? the desire to not have to get up and go to work five days a week

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it. completely unironically this might be my favorite poem of all time

i stole this from @chdarling cause I was feeling bored