#complete shitpost of no value

[stari-hun]

Limbus Maxxing

My live rambles on limbus company as I play (I like Mili so imma play for them).

Prologue rambles under the cut

TRUCK KUN?!

Ok Kaalaa Baunaa ass

Oh great so our name is Dante and we just made a pact with some unknown entities who are vaguely ominous and homosexual

-

Faust: Wassup dawg ur now leader of the squad

MC: what squad??? WHO ARE YOU???

Faust: Not the people killing you

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OH GOD WHY DOES THE BATTLE MECHANIC LOOK SO SCARY-

Oh god I’m not understanding shit. Can’t wait to overlevel and just be op

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Panther: 0 stars on Yelp, shit theatre kid performance, will not be going back

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Ah yes a clock with a time gimmick very unexpected much wow very woah

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The CG art is so cool, fully how it’s different than the sprites

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MC is fr deciding trust purely off vibe checking people

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MC: why is everyone calling me Dante?

Faust: It’s your name

MC: Nuh uh

Faust, ignoring MC: You’ll get used to it

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Gregor: ay Buddy just to start off with, I’m not judging with anyone’s representation and what they decide to do with their head yk? Your body ur choice

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Mmm delicious immoral actions and expectations from a higher organization in control the group is forced to rely on. I eat it up every time. Constantine would thrive in this world

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Ishmael: All of your introductions are disappointing as hell. You do know this is us introducing ourselves to a superior right? We’re working right now.

Also Ishmael: I’m Ishmael

LIKE LMAOO????? All that and she also gives an informal introduction. Also the similarities in the way the intro cards treat Sinners and how Arcanists are treated in hit game Reverse 1999

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Heathcliff: Yeah I don’t care about trying to please you or fitting in (proceeds to give one of the only proper self introductions)

HELLOOOO???? If he gets angry we contact HR lmaoooo

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Ok Tsukasa move it on

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Ah yes, the token autistic member, I see you Hong Lu

Ignoring that lady-

Ah another autistic, this time one with an unfortunate but definitely gendered name. Love me a character who just wants to do their job then clock out

Oh ew Dante is French /silly

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MC: wow Meursault you’re really one of the polite people here :)

Meursault: This is the normal reaction for this situation

MC: :)

MC’s thoughts: Something’s deeply wrong with him.

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Outis going on this long chuunibiyou like rant to MC while they have no clue what’s going on still

Outis: I vow to serve you with unrivaled devotion, Executive Manager. My blade is yours to wield.

MC: here I thought you’d be one of the normal ones….

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MC: I mean I want my head back but eh….. eH

Vergilius: smh, I tell you to go to hell and you hesitate? Smh.

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Imagine losing ur head and memories and non-binary company takes you, dies, gets revived, and tells you to literally go to hell

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Faust: Ur strategy game is clearly shit so let me tell you how to improve

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Vergilius: enough useless chatter

No???? Knowing how to revive people is actually incredibly useful?? I need to know how to be doing that

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WE HAVE A FUCKING SANITY BAR??? NOOOOOOOOOOO

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Oh god the designated driver is a speed demon-

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Yeah Kagamine Rin, speak ur truth

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Vergilius is such an antiyapper. Get bro some noise cancelling headphones with the way he hates background dialogue

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Charon: Damn. A missed chance to run someone over.

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AYYYYYYY MILI SONGGG WRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Oh damn it really is a bus and not a train- though to be fair it is like the outer look of a train just compressed into one car

[zorosdimples]

me to myself: the internet will be okay if you don’t post every single thought you have about The Character

also me:

[bookwyrminspiration]

opened a random email in high school now I get college paid for and 2k a semester for being hispanic. I didn’t even do it on purpose

[seenbyeveryone]

Hey so - I know this is a strange ask but I am curious!!

If you're comfy with answering, why did you originally use 4Chan? Is Tumblr better than it? Is there any funny stories you remember about it?

4Chan is very, very interesting to me but I dare not step foot in the land of acid - I like learning about how/why people use/used it and the general mental toll it takes!

I first used 4chan in 2011. Like many internet set pieces, I was there for the memes. The lulz. The lols. The hahas. The whimsical chaos and insanity of 4chan in unmatched. Is Tumblr better than 4chan, though? Can I get back to that question in a second? There are so many funny stories about 4chan experiences I have had, that I could never fit them all in here. That said, I assign much more value to other things that haven't been neccesarily funny. There have been multiple births of internet memes that I was accidentally present for, which was nice. More importantly, I have chatted with people from completely different walks of life than I, and for me personally, that always will hold value. I like variety. There have been individual things that anons on 4chan have told me that became parts of my worldview. For example, one time I saw an anon say...

"Try not to write individuals off as being 'useless'. This is intellectual violence and this will plant the seeds of darkness in your soul. There are no useless humans. Please remember this." That changed my worldview permanently. And yes, it was a 4chan user who said it. Think about that. For how freaking bad the reputation of that site is, there are some beautiful minds that inhabit it. What made me stop using 4chan was going to EMT school last year. I was flipping through my textbook a few days before classes began and my book said something like "Medical professionals must be oceans of empathy. Do not cast judgements of any kind onto your patients." Something tells me I don't need to elaborate, but I am going to, anyway. After reading that I knew I had to axe 4chan. This was immediate. To be honest, quitting 4chan had been on the to-do list for 7 years. (The mood of the site changed a ton when Trump entered the political stage.) I know I just said NICE things about the site, but yeah, as you may have heard, for every beautiful mind there is on 4chan, there seems to be two troubled minds. I try my very best to resist succumbing to internet hive minds, but sometimes, things fall through the cracks. There were hateful thoughts I would think about other humans, and I knew the crack that these thoughts were leaking in from. It was 4chan. For one example, when you're constantly bombarded with anti-trans content, by sheer osmosis, these opinions can leak into your mind without you knowing about it. Who wants that? Who WANTS to be a hater? Sure, like anybody else, I still think my hater stuff sometimes. But hey, I'm trying out here. Also, it's been getting harder and harder to see funny/interesting stuff on 4chan. Look, I like laughing at stupid shit on the internet. That's originally why I started using the site. It's become increasingly common for threads to devolve into political rambling and conservative rhetoric. It gets boring after a while. If you tell me there will be shitposting at your party, it better be there.

I think what kept me from quitting for so long was the lack of viable alternatives 4chan (or so I thought). I had tried to quit 4chan numerous times and I would usually try to get my meme/shitpost fix on reddit. Just yuck. Have you ever tried to use reddit? I don't know how YOU feel about reddit, but I sure do know how I feel about it. That site is just the worst and it is SO. NOT. a viable alternative. I would use reddit for like a minute or two and think "Oh yeah, now I remember why I never come here.", and back to 4chan I would go. So after I read what I read in my textbook, I quit 4chan cold turkey. I experienced what felt like meme withdrawals, but I was resolute in not going back. I refuse to be a medical professional that uses 4chan. It just feels off to me. I also knew that I didn't want to use reddit, either. Then I recalled what I have been shown of Tumblr in the past. This was a lightbulb moment. Most of the content I have seen on tumblr I have thoroughly enjoyed, but I simply never used the website all that often. There have been some blogs I check out regularly, but as for daily use? No. I had tried in that past, but it never stuck. I'm not 100% sure why. Was it because 4chan users are told that Tumblr is an awful website? Maybe that was a big part of it. Anyways, I just sort of made a rule with myself that if I wanted to look at stupid shit on the internet, it must be through Tumblr. This decision also coincided with my desire to focus on mental health/become more mentalls stable. I feel happier after not using 4chan anymore, to boot.

And you know what? It did become my favorite site. Not only is the quality of content just as good than the quality of content on 4chan, the quality is more consistent. The content is also more innocent, good-natured, positive, polite, and...FUN. Every day, I see stuff on this site that KILLS ME. None of the whimsical weirdness of 4chan that I was attracted to is lost, either. People on this site are so goofy and the users here have an excellent grasp of comedy and shitposting. I love Tumblr, and I never imagined that I would love Tumblr. Wanna know the best part? Tumblr is curated! I used to think Tumblr is a hive mind website that molds its users into thinking a certain way. It really isn't. I was wrong.

Did you know that Tumblr and 4chan are two different sides of the same coin? I am serious. Both sites highly value original content, weirdness, authenticity, and not being a normie. For how much hate 4chan users feel toward Tumblr, it's amusing how right up their alley the content on Tumblr actually is. It's difficult to describe.

My time spent on 4chan was not useless. Writing people off as useless is intellectual violence. That site molded me into who I am today, for better and for worse, but it was simply time to stop. I don't want that kind of negativity knocking around in my head all day. Medical profesionals should avoid being haters at any and all costs.

I am so glad you asked, by the way. Thank you, and sorry if I rambled.

[secretmellowblog]

I hope tumblr doesn’t die because No other social media site is as good for long, thoughtful, nuanced analyses of media. Yeah tumblr is also full of dumb shallow hot takes and shitposts, but you can make dumb shallow hot takes and shitposts anywhere —-there are no other popular social media sites that let you easily format and share long essays on the media you enjoy, and then have conversations around those long essays.

Fandom on all the other big social websites just seems so utterly …shallow. And it’s not because people on other websites aren’t thoughtful or don’t have deep things to say, but because these sites’ formats do not allow for any kind of long nuanced conversations.

Tiktok? Things have to be crammed into a super short video with an attention grabbing headline, and you can’t hyperlink sources. Instagram? Everything has to be in an image format with strict limits on length, and nothing will be shown to your followers anyway because of how Instagram’s algorithm works, and also no hyperlinks. Twitter? Strict character limits, and if you split it into threads it means someone can retweet a part of your essay completely out of context, and also very little freedom with formatting.

It frustrates me so much. If I go into the Tumblr Les Mis fandom I’ll find really compelling long essays on the original novel (including essays being written for the ongoing book club) on the story’s historical context, or the parallels between different characters and their narrative foils, or the way the politics were defanged for certain adaptations, or the way Victor Hugo’s personal life and failings affected the novel. But on tiktok I’ll get the same five shallow stale jokes from 2013 over and over, or maybe the same “DID U KNO THAT IN THE MUSICAL JAVERT AND VALJEAN SING THE SAME LEITMOTIF” style of basic Intro To Les Mis 101 For Babies media analysis (which is what Tiktok considers deep media analysis), or stale “LOL JAVERT ACTS GAY” style jokes as if we’re living in the early 2000s and calling a character gay is still a funny punchline. And it’s impossible to have any kind of deeper thoughtful discussions than “DID U KNOW <x Kool Fact>” or “lol <shallow observational joke>” on tiktok because the platform just isn’t built for building niche communities around in depth conversations. it’s built to churn out bland generic content for as wide an audience as possible, which means pointing out a small detail like an Easter egg and calling it “cool” is deep media analysis, because you cant have longer more in depth conversations without alienating people. And I hate it. Bc like, it’s not because there aren’t smart clever thoughtful people on Tiktok— there are—it’s because Tiktok isn’t built for these conversations, and anyone who wants to have them has to really fight against the things the website encourages or prioritizes!

Or like, if I go into the LOTR fandom on Tumblr, I’ll find tons of extremely long analysis and fanfic, and analysis of queer readings of the story. On Instagram people will still shriek in terror if you suggest the characters are gay, and most of the popular lotr posts are stale memes recycled from like 2007. There’s really no room for thoughtful media analysis, and even if you did create it, instagram’s algorithm would make sure no one saw your post anyway.

And everyone’s going to say “the algorithm shows you what you’ve seen before so maybe it’s your fault ~” or whatever but i do look for things I want! I do! “The algorithm” doesn’t know me or what I want or value or care about beyond this meaningless surface level.

The only thing that was worthwhile about these sites was the great visual art people were creating, but now the websites are overwhelmed with meaningless soulless machine-generated AI glurge, and it sucks. It just really, really sucks.

I’m honestly confused about why people don’t use tumblr….There’s no character limits! You have freedom with post formatting, and can insert images throughout textposts to illustrate specific points you’re making beneath the paragraphs where they’re necessary! You can add hyperlinks, linking to your sources! People can reblog your entire essay and share it, and then add on with commentary that then becomes part of a larger conversation! People can find your stuff through the tagging system! Reblogging means posts stay in circulation for years instead of being dead 30 minutes after they’re uploaded! If you want to have genuinely interesting text conversations about a piece of media, there really isn’t a better social media website for it anywhere.

To be clear, I’m definitely not saying Tumblr media analysis is *always* clever and thoughtful or etc etc. there are shitposts and nonsense here too (plenty of which I’ve created lol.) I’m saying that Tumblr gives people the tools for in-depth insightful analysis to happen. Whether people choose to do it or not is their own decision XD. But the reason lengthy in-depth conversations and book clubs are even possible here is because Tumblr is built for allowing these conversations to happen, in a way other sites simply aren’t.

It’d really suck if it died, because it’d be a huge blow to…being able to easily find long insightful in-depth media analysis written by fans. I currently don’t think there’s anything that could replace it.

[parasite-the-symbiote]

“Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? Embodies its nature? When that nature is created by those that revile it?” The Magnus Archives, Episode 101: Another Twist.

INTRODUCTION POST

Rules

- No adult requests! Character is canonically asexual and the person who runs this blog is uncomfortable with it!

- Please just. You know. Have normal human decency? Don’t just be an ass to me? I’m a little new to this.

- Don’t spam flood my request/ask inbox! It may take a bit for me to get to your requests, but that’s fine!

- Anyone can make an RP starter or an ask, as long as it follows the rules! Don’t stress too much if it’s your first time interacting!

- Horror is allowed! Just don’t like, go too overboard with it or anything.

- No misogynistic things! No ableism, no homophobia, no sexism, no racism, etc etc.

- No questions or roleplays involving the friends of humanity, please! As someone who has been targeted for being disabled, it is a bit too close to comfort for me and can be a bit triggering.

Character Info

(Sorry if this is a bit shit, writing this in the middle of the night so I’ll probably go back and edit this later)

Old/Previous Tags: #parasite shitposting, #parasite rp thread, #ask-parasite, #parasite rp starter

Current Tags: #parasite the symbiote, #parasite rp, #ask parasite, #parasite talks

Name: Parasite

Pronouns: They/It

Species: Symbiote

Vc/voice claim: Micheal Distortion (The Magnus Archives)

Theme Song: Under My Skin (Jukebox the Ghost)

Description: In full form, they appear black with oil-like blue iridescent patterning and white spikes that extend from their back down to the tip of their tail. They have a slightly more animalistic appearance, with a head resembling a snakes, and a more hunched over stance. However, they can take a humanoid form of their host (though they never stay with one host for long). During this form, while appearing human at first glance, they tend to act odd, almost possessed, with all the wrong movements and all the wrong expressions, and just all around appearing generally uncanny to any outsiders.

Values: Parasite, above all else, values finding a host they can form a full and complete bond with. Most of their hosts die within the first couple of days of bonding to them, much less form perfect symbiosis with them. Due to this, Parasite usually just tends to operate the dead bodies to their full extent, before jumping to another host that will be sure to die or leave within a couple of days in a desperate search for another like them. All they care about is finding a new host and completing perfect symbiosis, no matter the cost, no matter how many die to achieve it, even if there may not even exist a completely perfect host for them out there.

Personality: Parasite is (due to their lack of social skills), absolutely horrible at disguising how inhuman they are to others. They do not fully understand human emotions or behavior, simply making horrid attempts to understand and copy their behavior in a way that ends up being uncanny. It also doesn’t tend to help that they’ll almost always stalk someone for a couple of days straight before confronting them first (which doesn’t tend to give the first impression). Parasite is very curious though, being intrigued by human culture and wanting to learn more.

Despite their violent tendencies, if one manages to be careful enough (and not try to fight or flee) around the symbiote and keep their distance, Parasite can be very friendly and helpful. Parasite is mostly just lonely and desperate for attention and affection.

Backstory: Not many people know too much about Parasite’s origin, all anyone knows is that they did not originate from Venom, and that they were taken from/left Klyntar from a very young age.

[urprofsqueermenace]

was tagged by @blueberry-beanie (thanks!) So let's do this during my lunch break :)

Last song: Pair of Wings by Frankie Rose, a song from the Hilda (my favourite cartoon!!) soundtrack

Last book: Finally finished reading 'The Global Fight Against LGBTI Rights' by Phillip M. Ayoub & Kristina Stoeckl. I recommended it to a random university librarian before I even read it, but I don't regret doing that haha

Last movie: honestly no idea...does this documentary about the G20 Hamburg summit count?

Last TV show: I really enjoyed watching Moritz Neumeier's comedy programme Kollaps yesterday evening

Sweet/spicy/savoury: I'm a massive sweet tooth but also like the combination of sweet and savoury haha

Relationship status: I love my friends :) (I'm aroace and not interested in a relationship)

Last thing googled: "python filter by column value" - I am currently learning Python so I'm not limited to R for computational text analysis stuff

Current obsession: I think I'm moving away from being obsessed about die Anstalt (after rewatching kinda all episodes and posting some Neffton art that you can find if you want on his tagged pics on insta a cringe shitpost) and towards comedy in general? One coping strategy for the US election was watching Till Reiners 'Flamingos am Kotti' and I think watching comedy really helps me endure the current political✨️circumstances ✨️

Looking forward to: I just want my sprained toe to be completely healed like it already got way better and I went on a walk on the weekend! But I really want to go on walks more often...and run...and do muay thai again...but hey my assisted chin ups are getting more lol

I once again don't know who to tag...maybe @morallygaymwah again :)

[casuallyferal]

It's been announced that Elon is reflecting on making X membership exclusive, ie where you pay to have an X membership.

With the upcoming death of X, I find myself having meta thoughts about my fandoms, the art community, and where they intersect; and, how much those things radically-and-completely changed after the death of Tumblr -- and still haven't recovered.

(this does relate to Cross!Sans' recent win I prommy just give me a minute)

...

To start off with an example:

Some folks still remember the mass death of Tumblr.

It's hard to describe it to people who didn't see it.

There were actual casualties. Y'all remember that, too? The deaths?

Most of them were because for many people, their ~5-10 years of portfolio disappeared overnight with no recovery. Even for folks who had backups, the little things that mattered most, like reblog-chains, had been compromised. I remember reading a vent post that stuck w/ me of a college applicant sobbing because their blog was going to be their portfolio to apply, and the needed morning, it was gone. They lived through an abusive home and lost their out. They stopped posting after that.

There are keystone works that now only exist in our minds.

Cornerstones of both fandom and people's real lives were erased by a mega corp afraid of organic Human sensuality, the artist's familiar muse. A kiss, a shirtless photo, a man lounging in the sun, didn't matter. Gone with no explanatory messages. Everything was very unstable about the rules for a disturbingly long time with ghost-edits to the sitewide rules, and vague lettering. If you posted a single dangly bit, you're out. If you posted male or female nypples at any point, you're out. The rules now aren't the rules that were for a little while, long enough to carve up careers and sink fandoms.

As a case study:

Try to understand that if you're a new arrival into an old fandom from the Before Times, like say Undertale,

... you arrived into a fandom carved into quarters.

Everything we cared about and definitive blogs & art pieces vanished. I was temporarily surprised that Cross!Sans won the AU contest instead of the longtime fandom favorites like G!Sans.

For years, he was our fandom mascot.

I had a harrowing realization and began doomscrolling to confirm that nobody can find 👌the showstopping sensuality 👌😩 of G!Sans. It's gone.

G-o-n-e gone, can't find it anywhere, like that mfker into his smoke.

Our fandom values and cultural pillars that we built ourselves were deleted off-site by some Suits.

Everything the young people inherited was bleached-out and fucking sanitized by a corporation. We had no choice but to tolerate that, even as self aware as we were about it.

...this cultural-drift was not because of natural evolution, but because we weren't sterile enough to "make the cut;" and now, it's definitive with a clear before/after gap.

...

I'm of the opinion that the online art community has never really recovered from these repeat events.

It's never been the same:

I see a lot less WIPs unless it's teasing a piece.

I see less reckless abbandon in artwork. There's less scribbles.

There's less breath on the canvas.

People tightened their shit up into hyper polished presentation-pieces.

There's less shitposting in general. People used to post doodles and silly faces and polished pieces were in between.

I think this new media relationship comes from a place of collective hurt. I think many of us realized all society gives a fuck about is money money money money for something that for many of us is a necessary biproduct of being alive. The people who couldn't handle that never came back. They Told Us So when they left, and coincidentally, never came back -- or came back different.

❕ (brief cw cp)

As necessary aside, I'm not lumping in the CP -- it's that every platform has CP, and addressing CP head-on on a platform like Tumblr also meant having regulations that corporate with legal, consensual sensuality, and that's not feasible without endorsing that exists... AND, is deeply influential to many artists. Tumblr wasn't willing to do that.

Tumblr wasn't willing to accept ads from orgs that are okay with that, either.

❕ (cw over)

I feel like this keeps happening... Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter/X... because it comes from a cultural climate of fear towards the veritable Human qualities, some raw, beastial, or even vestigial, of which is the Creative's foundational wellspring. What inspires is often transgressive, and there's no room for such things on a corporate level due to the sterile inhumanity of present day economics. If it's not palettable enough that it can be sold to stockholders with polished floors and dry-cleaned suits, we're a weed between the concrete.

Get too tall and we're seen as a disordered presentation of society instead of just... just, Human. Raw, beastial, vestigially Human.

...

At the end of the day,

our inherently-self-expressive Human potential keeps getting butchered alive by fear of sex & sensuality and love, and the bitter taste of culturally dominant hatespeech; to really spit on the situation, the biggest driver behind both of those is economic. There's a desire knit into the social fabric to squeeeeeeze every fkn penny possible out of an inherently involuntary part of the Creative's experience.

For many, creating freely is a necessary part of a Creative's self-regulation, regardless of whether it's just a hobby or a career path. Creatives create things. We have to or we wilt. It is counter-intuitive to the nature of Wall Street, as it stands, and so it will never favor us -- let alone begin to understand that, without overhaul.

For me, painting is like breathing, I have to do it or I become ill.

...

...It's like... they bottled our air.

Dammed our wellsprings and sell our own work back to us in plastic jugs. Elusive, ominous "they," vague because it's a lottery for whoever plays "them" next; executioner with hanging-rope in hand to strange the creative experience.

There's nothing sacred left when it's all about making money.

...so, where's next?

(: Might as well grit our teeth about it and stay organized. Mastodon, I think? Dreamwidth also? Misskey? Where have you heard? Where do I go, now?

I miss the reblog-artfights and having Tumblr friends before it was deleted by a suit, and I don't want to lose that.

[toyhou-se-drama]

Am I seriously one of like 3 people that realize that Mod Jesus' retirement post is a shitpost and they're not actually dead?

I think it's pretty obvious based on the language used and the way it's structured (though if you have something like autism I could see not completely getting it) that it's fake. It's kinda scary how many people in the replies think it's completely serious and the mod is actually dead because these are the same people reading actual PSAs and taking them completely seriously at face-value. If they can't see through an obvious shitpost, how are they going to tell if a PSA poster is full of shit?

Have y'all learned NOTHING from the mod in these past years?

🦫

[yinyuedijun]

actually i have more to say abt tokyo vice, particularly the nirei mention

it's really interesting to me that nirei's decided to completely steer clear, bc nirei's current arc in canon revolves so heavily around suo. his self-actualization seems to hinge on his determination to be able to stick out the messes that sakura gets himself into, and suo functions as a vehicle in which he achieves that goal. it's hard to believe That Nirei would refuse to hang around and keep in contact with reader for her safety.

but maybe in this au, bc suo goes off the rails, he also incidentally derails nirei's character development. if so, i have to give you props on being able to ground this au in the context of the existing canon and being able to extrapolate that far.

OR maybe because nirei is self actualized, he's able to put his foor down and draw a boundary that protects himself (and his current loved ones i imagine). in which case, suo has himself to thank for losing nirei. then i feel bad for him again, because he's clearly self-aware enough to understand how that series of events played out. i know he's like Icky and Evil but after that final confession scene i'll pretty much let him slide unforch

am i overthinking? yes.

i just feel like i don't see enough people acknowledge suo and nirei's special little weird thing (imho, its equally if not more strange than whatever sakura and suo have going on)

ps: sorry for blowing up your notifications i think i've just caught suo flu from you :p

HI FERN omg don't apologize, I love this ask and I love that I gave you suo flu <33 YOU ALSO AREN'T OVERTHINKING AT ALL !! I actually did think long and hard about Nirei's place in this universe, because his and Suo's relationship is probably the most important to Suo's canon characterization. (you are so right about it being a special weird little thing LOL)

can I just say I loved your Nirei analysis also?? it's so spot on about the Suo/Nirei relationship. you're right that Suo is a catalyst for Nirei's development, and also, Nirei is the character who reveals the most about Suo! It always did strike me how unnecessarily violent Suo got when Nirei got injured - that's when I was like oh this boy has yandere potential HRGFSLDHSKSH

in terms of your speculation, it's actually the latter scenario that happened in this universe! due to Suo's support, Nirei grew to the point where he can protect himself & his loved ones and also confidently uphold his values, which include a strong sense of justice. Suo taught him to "stand on his own two feet", so to speak. but because Nirei can now do this, he can't abide by Suo becoming the person he has become - which is, at the end of a day, a violent criminal who perpetuates destructive behaviour. (and you're right lol it does torture Suo a lot. he can't help but feel happy about how Nirei has grown, but he is also so lonely and it's his own fault 💔)

I rambled a little bit about this in my shitpost, but I think Nirei did really well at university and became either an investigative journalist or a detective. putting that analytical mind & strong sense of justice to good use, essentially. he was actually the first person from Furin to figure out that Suo had become such a vicious criminal (this is how Sakura knows Suo's identity, because Nirei told him). he has basically been entangled in a homoerotic game of cat and mouse with Suo, where he's been trying to investigate/catch Suo and Suo has been evading him. so he is indeed afraid of Suo now, but the way he handles his fear is actually confrontation with Suo, rather than avoidance (just as how in canon, he confronts people even when he has reason to be afraid). however, this has led to an estranged relationship between them since Nirei is so serious about it.

your point about Nirei & the reader is a really good one!! he actually does keep in touch with the reader, but he can't be heavily involved in their lives anymore because of the homoerotic cat and mouse game. I think he understands also that he can't make the reader leave Suo - the best way to break them up is to actually make Suo face legal consequences for his actions. I think he and Sakura actually had a bit of an intervention with the reader when they were younger (sometime between the ages of 19-22). they basically tried to get her to leave Suo, because they realised that she was at serious risk of being abused by him, but she reacted so badly that neither of them have brought it up since. so Sakura tries his best to stay close to her and help her in-person, whereas Nirei is trying to help her from afar :')

ANYWAY IM SO SORRY ABT HOW MUCH I TALKED LMFOAJDJS my delusions are too powerful 😔 thank you for this ask and for your Nirei takes!! I'm so happy that you're thinking so much about this little AU, and I love reading all your thoughts about it ♥️

[mindibindi]

Was it Perfect? No. Was it Joyous? Yes.

Okay, I did a bunch of shitposting yesterday but now it's time to collect some coherent thoughts on what I liked and didn't about "The Giggle", the Doctors' bi-generation and RTD's HEA.

───── ⋆⋅*ੈ⋆｡✶.ೃ࿔𖦹 ✩₊˚⋆ ─────

Donna: I would’ve liked Donna to have a little more to do in the final ep. She just worked out the arpeggio thing and followed the Doctor round trying to have earnest conversations with him. When she was sat with the Doctor and the Toymaker, I kept thinking she was gonna insert herself into the game and insist she be dealt in too. Instead, it became another case of supernatural male genius vs supernatural male genius. Maybe this is me being greedy though. Because the last ep was ALL DT and CT and the whole anniversary season has been very focused on Donna and the Doctor. They had to make room somewhere for a fabulous villain (which he was), a new Doctor (also fab) and the UNIT ensemble (fab-est of all), so I guess that meant a little less Donna.

Donna did have some great moments, including annihilating those creepy puppets (which made me lol), meeting Mel and refusing to let the Doctor die alone. I do think Donna should’ve been the one to lust after 15 (much like she did when meeting Captain Jack), but maybe this older, settled version of Donna is less thirsty. As for UNIT, no doubt she will be fired regularly but then promptly rehired because she’s so indispensable (and beloved). Best of all, I love the idea of her, Shirley, Mel and Kate going out for post-work drinks while Donna’s two husbands wait at home, tapping their watches and wondering where their ginger chatterbox has gotten to.

Male Parthenogenesis: Now, RTD knows his DW lore far better than I do and apparently there is some precedent for this. But I still say the metacrisis from ep 1 could have been used to better effect in this episode, with Donna essentially healing the Doctor with her excess regeneration energy and Rose creating the new Doctor with her share of the metacrisis/regeneration energy. Because, modern understandings of gender and deep-dive fan knowledge aside, Doctor Who pretty much revolves around the idea of male parthenogenesis, man birthing man, passing on history, tradition, power, experience and greatness. Socioculturally, asexuality is fairly unfamiliar to us, but we are all indoctrinated with patriarchal, heteronormative narratives from birth. And historically, men have expressed their fear and envy of the power and potential of women/pregnant people by attempting to steal it for themselves, control creation myths and birth male gods and monsters. All the while, they completely disavowed (even denigrated) the role women/pregnant people have played in birthing this world. Through the lens of heteronormativity, regeneration offers men and boys eternal power and godlike creativity. So yeah, I would’ve liked a grown woman/mother and a trans girl just coming into her power as a woman to get a little of that regeneration action that usually belongs to the boys (with the exception of 13). Not because women and birth parents are defined by this biological function but because the male urge to own and control birth, creation and reproduction still has very real-world impacts for girls, women, enbys and trans people.  

Bi-generation: So. The big question is: Does bi-generation diffuse the power and pathos of THE Doctor? Yes. Does it follow that this is a bad thing? No. Not necessarily, not in my mind. I am not a fan of showrunners rewriting known history for shock value or fan service, but I’m not sure this is either. I understand the argument that there is power and meaning in the idea of death and rebirth, letting go and moving on, changing and learning with experience. But for all of that to be owned and embodied by one usually male/male presenting person and played by a popular, powerful cis-het male actor is a problem embedded in this show from the get. NuWho has consistently made an effort to alleviate the inherent power imbalance built into the format, distributing the incredible power of the Doctor amongst a community of extra/ordinary human beings. Some showrunners have been able to do this better than others. That said, we’ve also had a good long stint of the Doctor being a singular, tortured genius who no one quite understands, no one can ever really equal. Whatever gifts companions and their families bring, the Doctor will always be bigger, older, wiser, eternal. But, through the magic of bi-generation, his power can be shared, his centrality dispersed, his reach limited, his experience idiosyncratic, and his knowledge discrete.

Over the years, the Doctor has accrued a lot of trauma and tragedy and suffering and longing, all by virtue of this incredible power. This burden was never been more wetly portrayed than by DT so it’s fitting that he be the one to release both the power and the burden of the sad, wet, lonely Timelord by SHARING IT, by becoming plural rather than singular. It may not feel satisfying, partially because it feels unfamiliar. The trope of the lone tortured genius is recognisable and relatable. We know it well, from so many narratives. Personally, I can’t imagine Ncuti Gatwa as a lone tortured genius. I want him to have a new joyous start. And hey, if you miss the tortured Doctor then 15 has all of time and space in which to once again start accruing trauma and tragedy. But I think it’s good, and time, for 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14 to drop their load and come down to earth. No longer a god, an avenging angel, an objective overseer, but essentially, a human being. Which is kinda what he/she/they wanted to be all along. This IS the death of one version of this show, one version of this character, but it isn’t being offered without regeneration and rebirth right there on the horizon.                   

Happily Ever After: RTD is not like other showrunners. He’s a bold and marvellous beast who isn’t afraid to change things up, especially when they’re not working or have outlived their usefulness. We’re often told that happy endings are trite, trivial, insignificant, unrealistic. Drama, tragedy, sorrow and suffering: that’s where all the weight and meaning of life lies. And look, RTD can write tragedy and pathos as well if not better than the best of them. He could have given us “Journey’s End” or “The End of Time” redux. He could have given twisted and complicated and harrowing. He chose not to. Because, unlike SO MANY SHOWRUNNERS, RTD knows when to write an ending, when to resolve tension, when to heal wounds. It’s common practice, especially in the American television industry, to just…never end, never resolve, never stop, never state, never land. To just flog a creative horse until it drops dead. (At least, this was the television I grew up with; streaming services have altered this model somewhat.)

Doctor Who is exactly the kind of intellectual property that could’ve (and could still under Disney) fall victim to the capitalistic urge for moremoremoremoremoremoremore, despite the fact that such endlessness eventually exhausts creativity and, with it, audience interest. A capitalist never wants the revenue stream to end. But a real writer, a true creator is bold enough to know where to place a well-timed full-stop. In my opinion, RTD read the room and wrote an ending. An ending that the show and the world needed. An ending that shared power. An ending that celebrated ordinary humanity. An ending that healed trauma and prioritised love. An ending that still allows for new life, new potential, new discoveries, new structures, new understandings, and new joy. All of that is totally on-brand for RTD. Those themes of multiplicity, humanity, healing, love and possibility pervade the 60th anniversary specials from beginning to end. They were built into the fabric of each episode. And they’re also the very essence of Doctor Who.     

[bucksbeagle]

I think the bucktommy shippers have internalized the negativity towards bt/tommy so much that they think any sort of not super positive or pro bt/tommy post is somehow an attack on them and not just, y'know, ordinary fandom behavior. like there's always gonna be a character and/or ship that will just rub a section of the fandom wrong, this isn't new stuff, it's happened thousands of times before. but they're so wrapped up in their 'must protect tommy/bt from the evil antis at all cost' crusade that they're so unwilling to understand jokes and things said in jest or hyperbole or what have you. they take EVERYTHING at face value and like it's been said in complete earnestness instead of being like 'is this serious or is it a shitpost/someone just joking around?' and their refusal to do so is their own downfall, they're just fighting everyone and lashing out and making themselves miserable by hyperfocusing on it instead of ignoring it or realizing it's just all of us playing around in the sandbox.

yeah exactly and it just makes the experience for themselves bad

[yutzen]

The Mandatory(?) Masterpost

Welcome to my page! ...again. Website shutdowns aren't going to stop my sinful hands, but hopefully that won't be a problem.

Expect stories about weird underground creatures and their troubles most of all, but there will be other tales to be told here (and possibly actual illustrations in the future, but that's gonna take a while). A lot of this started as prompt stories spun completely out of control (this will be a recurring theme), so be warned about that one. I'll be outlining what I have under the break to browse more easily if you want to see more, as well as providing a couple extra links if you want to read my work in other sites (or just follow me elsewhere too). Here goes!

First things first: Other accounts to track me in

Archive Of Our Own (I'll probably link to it for cross-posts. Also contains stories that are either too 18+, too fanfic or too personal for me to toss out here)

DreamWidth (May be easier to read)

BlueSky (Maybe you want to be updated easier, but obviously I can't post whole stories there)

Next up: Tags to keep track of when it comes to my stuff. This will probably be the main way for me to sort these things out, since I got used to it back on Cohost and still know the value of proper tagging. Much as there's a few other things I don't know.

#yut-fiction - Any story I actually write will be going under this, no matter the origin

#yut-musings - This one's gonna be stray thoughts and occasional shitposts probably.

#subterraneum (yut) - Subterraneum stories, no matter who they follow and where they're set

#subterraneum: lightless road - Subterraneum stories following what I call the main crew.

I also keep individual characters diligently tagged whenever they recur (or I think they may recur), if that helps!

Finally: Stories so far! I will try to keep this updated but feel free to hit me with a question or comment if I forget anything in the future.

The Subterraneum: Lightless Road - Days in the life of an outlaw gang, plying their trade across the seemingly caverns that form the Subterraneum, the world beneath worlds

A White-Knuckle Climb

The Hard Way

Where the Thrills Lie

Left in the Cold

Reminiscing by Candlelight

Trial by Fire

Of Silk and Fangs

Where the Heart Is

Off the Beaten Path

Behind Every Scar (Part 1)

Behind Every Scar (Part 2)

The Subterraneum: Restless Compendium - The caverns are grand, and full of mysteries, and with mysteries come those eager to figure them out for the world to see. Here are fragments from the work of one such individual, one only known by the title of "Ever-Restless Nirrhamidh"

A Quick Biological Primer on Subterraneum Citizens (not in character)

Rock Bottom: The Subterraneum and its Known Exits

The Last Time Around

The Tree and the Worm

Perfect Echoes

Until the Rains Come

Castles in a Black Sky

From Dust to Dust

Tak-Fizun, the Chained City

The Subterraneum: Other Tales - Day-to-day life in the caverns can be quite a thing. Here, a smattering of tales about other individuals, away from smuggler and scholar alike.

Rainbows in the Dark

Party-Crasher

Just Prime

The Events of Windchime Hill

What's in a Name?

A Raven's Rambles - Just because you're a grand necromancer hungry for conquest and treasure doesn't mean you can't have off days. Here, a few less serious stories about Raven Lord Kaspar Swartrabe and his faithful shrike, Al-Kaud.

Animal-Proofing

Cramped, or Cozy?

Written in Blood(?)

A Root That Wouldn't Square - What was meant to be a quick oneshot fanfic of Arcen Games' Heart of the Machine, quickly spiralled out of control, into the tale of an artificial intelligence using some spare cycles to introspect, and write it all down...

Germination - In which the journey has begun, and an intelligence can finally ask itself who it is.

Desert Bloom - In which an internal monologue becomes an internal dialog, and a fall is turned into a rise to unfathomable heights.

Other stories - One-shots unrelated to any of the above. For now; just about everything before this point started as a one-shot too, once.

The Silver Revolution - In which a dragon finds himself involved in politics just for doing what he always did

More Times than You Could Count - In which an ever-stretching series of time loops is finally put to an end

The Rise and Fall of the Emporium - In which the idea of mid-dungeon shops is given a closer look

Where No One Calls Your Name - In which an angel of Diligence outlines unexpected complications brought about by how little some understand mortals

[kitkatcadillac]

i'm thinking about one of my family members who i love with all my heart because he's a real and true troll through and through. which is something i seriously think the general online culture kind of lost sight of.

it's not the same as dumb ragebaits and whatever because i sincerely think a big amount of those are advertising campaigns of some kind. a troll loves the bit for the bit, not because it does anything for them.

but they argue. they exhaust people who are so serious and just Want to argue and be right, not actually have any substance or discussion or exchange. they want to shut up opposition and raze everything Interesting into falling into their own views and i'm so serious when i say a real bonafide Troll is so critical to the online ecosystem, not someone who actually opposes that opinion but shares the same attitude- arguing and beating someone down until they submit.

and i know that's what he's doing because he really straight up calls me to ask me my thoughts and views on things sincerely when he knows my perspective might give me a little more insight onto certain topics. he asked me what i thought on some transphobic documentaries were, literally because he told me anyone he tried to even ASK about it would yell at him that he was transphobic, or would be COMPLETELY on the other side of the line and be MEGA transphobic. and he was like, i dunno that that's right.

and i know he's telling the truth not only because we're close and he's honest with me, but YEARS ago when i was still in school and a dumb teenager that was just learning what lesbian, gay, and bi were, i asked A FRIEND of mine if they could explain what transgenderism was because i didn't understand and the fucking asshole said that wasn't okay for me to not know, blocked me and never spoke to me again.

that was like. 2010? and things feel like they've gotten Worse in the sphere of genuine communication with people. it's all fast paced black and white exchange and you pick a side, the RIGHT side, or you're going to burn in hell. regardless of what side that is, which is off the shits, in case anyone wasn't aware.

every day i'm alive, i value more and more the people who resist the erosion of patience for the sake of genuine connectivity with people around them. i try very hard to keep that patience myself with people who have views directly hurtful to me when they are willing and ready to be open with me when they tell me they don't get it or were raised a certain way, but love me and will take the time to have difficult conversations with me and exchange understandings. because i DO want to know where they come from when they have those opinions and understand why they might feel that way, rather than fucking telling them to their face that them and everyone who has raised them are stupid fucks, even if maybe sometimes on the inside i feel that way.

i don't want to be right!!! i don't think everyone always has to be Right about everything, i want to be honest and be good for the world around me, and i want a world where that attitude can be fostered. i want everyone else to realize "right" means something different to everyone and is a bad straight metric to base Anything on. be rootin, be tootin, but by god be kind and all that- shitpost or not i'm sooo serious i think that's what that means.

[candycanedaddy]

✨💋🐾💕~• m30w •~💕🐾💋✨

✨😈~• Make It Fucking Personal •~😈✨

✨🌹💕💋✨🌹💕💋✨🌹💕💋

😈Goal: 2,131 Calories Burned😈

💋BMR: 1,131 Calories💋

😤Macro Breakdown: 40% Protein, 30% carbs, 30% fats😤

🔥Goal: 30K steps daily🔥

🔥Let’s throw this fucking party ;3 Don’t let ‘em fuck with you🔥

✨🌹💕💋✨🌹💕💋✨🌹💕✨

✨💋~•Workout/ Journal Entries•~💋✨

✨~•2/1/25•~✨

Rest day, will resume my workouts on Monday ;3 Have to stay safe with it and not over strain the body. But I’m really looking forward to making you eat shit. Shouldn’t have fucked with me, because now you’ll understand why you should fear the version of me that enjoys making you beg & scream for more.

✨~•2/2/25•~✨

It’s Sunday & I’m shitposting in between cleaning the house. This summer is going to be amazing, I’m manifesting this villain arc of mine. Shhh, Homelander is a little bit of inspo.

Now whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise.

I’m unbothered by being single because I’m not the problem. I’m working on myself & my goals, completely comfortable with walking this path alone and untouched for however many years it takes to find the right person. When you value your mind, your time, and your body— not just anyone will do. I’m extremely selective with who I choose to be in a relationship with/fuck. I wouldn’t even care if it was 10 years or longer, taking one year at a time to process the 8 years that I belonged to him & him alone. It’s actually really pathetic to me & beneath me to allow just anyone to touch me. It’ll be 2 years November 2025 since I’ve been fucked/done anything sexual because it was just with him for the last 8 years. Now that he’s gone, the best way to live is for myself and to be healthy in mind/body/soul.

Fucking insane to think my entire ending of being a teenager, and my entire 20’s were given to two separate men that never loved me in the first place but I stayed because BPD/abandonment issues/daddy issues/mommy issues— and somehow thinking that if they didn’t love me then I must not be worthy of love and I’ll do whatever it takes to make them love me even if that means destroying myself in the process until I don’t know who I am anymore just as long as they don’t leave and continue to have wandering eyes… lusting and cheating on me when they’re bored…

✨🔥💋🔪~• Don’t fall in love with me because I’ll love you so deeply that you’ll resent me for it, then cheat on me just to discard me because I reveal the darkest parts of yourself that you’re incapable of fixing due to your inability to sit alone in the darkness. •~🔪💋🔥✨

✨🔥💋🔪~• They know I won’t leave until they shatter my heart and soul completely. •~🔪💋🔥✨

✨~•2/3/25•~✨

M33p M33p bitch— did steppy.

✨~•2/4/25•~✨

M33p M33p time to become more of a menace. Got my steppy steps in <33

✨~•2/5/25•~✨

Got my steppy steps in <33

✨~•2/6/25•~✨

Got my steppy steps in!

✨~•2/7/25-2/9/25•~✨

Celebrating my birthday weekend, for 3 days because I’m a baller

✨~•2/10/25•~✨

Got my steppy steps in!

✨~•2/11/25•~✨

Got my steppy steps in!(:

✨~•2/12/25•~✨

Beginning together bored of my latest hyperfixations with both my meme accounts.

Thinking about deleting the accounts again mainly because I hate how my BPD behaves if I’m invested in something and then I start getting ignored.

I don’t know what it is about being ignored that sets my BPD off— but I’m like fuck it, if you wanna ignore me when you’re blessed to even be in my presence receiving my attention— I’ll just remove your ability to ever speak to me again.

Apparently I have zero compatibility with the majority of people, because I’m a mirror and I match energy, if they’re not toxic they quickly lose interest in me. If you’re not a very interesting person, the energy isn’t going to be matching.

This is why I hate BPD because why the fuck does it matter to me when people I find interesting ignore me?

Time to detach again. Silly me for thinking anyone could actually be a friend to me.

The only attention that should matter is the attention I give to myself, since not very many people stick around anyway and usually they just wanna be a temporary friend to me. I would like to stop finding false friends and actually find people that don’t lose interest in talking to me after a day.

!!Got my steppy steps in!!

✨~•2/13/25•~✨

Getting the items for my soup today when I’m back home, trying to reset my BPD today from aggressively giving a fuck yesterday. Aha.

It’s raining outside, there’s a lot of birds chattering outside & im about a week out from my period so my mood really is mooding today.

Still kinda bored of both my meme accounts, and was considering completely deleting my Reddit account.

I don’t think people actually understand the level of psychotic and irritable BPD can be. They think it’s some romanticized version of the chick from Scott Pilgrim VS The World when it’s actually not funny at all to have an incurable mental illness where it’s one of the highest suicide completion rates besides schizophrenia.

It makes me irrationally idolize people that aren’t very good for me, but something about the way they mistreat me feels like all I do is repeat the pattern of finding people that just want me to worship them entirely filling their cup while mine is left empty.

This is why I’m better off alone because when I truly love someone I belong entirely to them and then I idolize them, and that gives them the opportunity to eat me alive from the inside out until I no longer know who I am because I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be loved in the same way that I love someone so deeply that I would die for them.

I don’t like people that close to me. I don’t plan on falling in love with anyone, dating anyone, or fucking anyone for a very long time because this heart of mine is too precious to be trampled on one more time.

It’s raining and I’m being hella emo 🖤 on my blog but if I don’t get it out I think I’m going to be dysfunctional for the day and I can’t have that. The show must go on.

Edit: it’s 1:02pm and I’m drinking coffee outside in the cold wet rain. It’s good again.

I got my steppy steps in <33

✨~•2/14/25•~✨

It’s Valentine’s Day & I don’t care that I’m single because it’s better to be single and alone than second best to some thot & getting cheated on.

I’m not as upset as I was yesterday, I think it’s just hormones starting to spike as I get closer to my period I’m just a moody clingy bitch

For Valentine’s Day I’m cooking myself some bomb ass soup in the crockpot, and having a self care weekend.

Just gonna start straight up blocking bitches that waste my time. Like bro, we get it you think you’re special but building the foundation of friendship means you actually have to interact with the person. It’s never a one sided thing between friends, or any type of relationship. The minute I feel like I’m being made into a joke again I say fuck it.

If you don’t respond by Sunday 2/16/25 11:59pm I’m going to assume all you want from me is the high you get when I’m paying attention & not a real friendship. & I’m done playing these little ass games with people that apparently aren’t mature

✨~•2/15/25•~✨

Nevermind, told the person that it’s not worth messing with my mental health to invest in that friendship due to it feeling very one sided and starting to engage with my BPD. Because I feel things more strongly than most people, it’s devastating to me to waste any energy on hoping people will be there for me as much as I’m there for them. I said it respectfully and I don’t wish anything negative against the person, I just respect the peace I’ve been building than to feel that way about being ignored. I respect other people’s time and peace, and don’t think they need to see that side of me so if someone’s causing symptoms to appear they have to go.

My titties are so sensitive because my period is happening in a few days.

✨~•2/16/25•~✨

Sleepy today. Got to season 4 of Banshee— hella into it obviously. Antony Starr is great as Hood.

This upcoming week there’s going to be a few hotter days in the 80s and it’s only February so that means it’s going to be completely fucked for the summer.

The person hasn’t responded still, leading me to further believe it was my ex boyfriend pretending to be some dude to talk to me. I need to reverse image search the images the person sent me, because he spoke of one too many things that seemed like a coincidence to not be.

But that’s okay, because it still stands that I’m completely uninterested in sex/relationships. So whatever, I was always meant to be the lone wolf considering it’s apparently just too damn hard to be my friend.

I literally want nothing from anyone, besides someone to talk to and build a friendship with and that seems nearly impossible because I attract narcissists that just want to try to break my heart.

✨~•2/17/25•~✨

Did steppy steps

✨~•2/18/25•~✨

Now we are getting serious about things because feeling like shit isn’t very cool anymore for me nor is wallowing in self hatred and self pity.

I’m disgusted in myself, the temporary dopamine that comes from proving a point to myself that I could have anyone I wanted to with minimal effort because they come to me isn’t that satisfying and left me more drained than anything.

Even if I hadn’t seen any of these people in person, and it was communication trying to make friends online, it was draining and while satisfying — it won’t be entirely satisfying until I’m at my ideal version which I can’t be doing if I’m so wrapped up in the past.

Focusing on the now and today is what’s going to break this foggy mindset where it seems a bit dull and I’m not taking care of my body the way I should be.

I haven’t drank alcohol in 293 Days, So almost a full year so that’s something to be proud of.

Overall I just feel like meh today

But we are finishing the very last episode of Banshee— ever! :c

✨~•2/19/25•~✨

I haven’t been taking this as seriously as I could be, and I’d like to change that because my depression and self hatred isn’t going to improve until I break away from my online persona until I’m healthy again. I just need to spend less time on my phone.

It’s ballet time, and when I get home I’m using the stair stepper. For the first time in like ever since making sure it worked.

Then it’ll be time to clean the house.

Ballet is done, and while my strength is improving it could be so much better in form if the majority of my problems weren’t my lower half

✨~•2/20/25•~✨

Did steppy steps for the day, got my final HPV Vaccine, my updated COVID/Flu vaccine

✨~•2/21/25•~✨

Working on sound design projects, due by 2:30pm today and it’s 8:30am lmao

I’m talking to that person again that I thought was playing games with me by getting an ego boost off of my attention but not truly wanting to invest in a friendship. I seriously only want a bunch of emo/scene friends— that’s it.

I’m not looking for sex/relationships.

I just want to take cool photos again and feel good about myself without thinking that I just must be so ugly if I get cheated on in every relationship I have ever chosen.

Sunday’s I’m taking body check photos to start my fitness progress and stop actually feeling sorry for myself for something I’m doing to myself because I’m just lazy.

So fucking annoying that as I’m coming out of a depressive spell there’s tiny details of assignments that I got wrong because I was sad and didn’t read the document throughly

I have uploaded 6,453 items to my computer involving the abuse/cheating/the police documents for my abuser — everything is now backed up to my computer so I’ll always remember what happened and I can’t push it to the back of my mind that someone I knew for 14 years & dated for 8 years would ever dream of physically assaulting me— cheating on me— strangling me… putting my body and my preexisting kidney disease/immunocompromised system at risk because I wasn’t enough and his addiction to porn/cheating/sexual escapades was more important than my consent.

🧁🐖 OINK, OINK— Do you ever put down the fork? OINK, OINK— You live to eat, miss I-look-like-I’m-Well-On-My-Way-To-My-600-Pound-Life? 🐖🧁

He can enjoy rolling in the pig pen with Miss Piggy all he wants to because I’m never coming back. If you’re going to have a rebound make sure she’s hotter than your ex, not a complete downgrade worse than TEMU/WISH.COM/SHEIN 300+ pounds heavier version. It’s laughable how she’s looks like the president of The Muffin Man’s Fan Club, and how she sucks dick because it reminds her of sausages with her gluttonous ten ton lookin’ ass.

Do better, because there’s no God up here besides me— I am the greatest that has ever lived— and I’m undefeated in looks/talent/personality. I have the body of a God

Did my steppy steps for the day and I’ve been watching The Children’s Hour

✨~•2/22/25•~✨

Big chillin today, got my steppy steps, finally coming out of a depressive episode and putting my life together. All is well.