#compared to the original where hes supposed to be 34 (but played by a 29\30yr old) aand betty was supposed to be 25 going on 26

[ladysophiebeckett]

im also surprised that ‘betty in ny’ is only 122 eps. thats....very short. looking at ep descriptions and it looks like everything happens really fast. all smooshed together. 

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE BLOOD Vol.5: Mukami Yuma [Track 1+2]

Original title: 拉致 & 無神ユーマ

Source: Diabolik Lovers More, Blood Vol. 5: Mukami Yuma [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here (00:00 ~ 8:29)

Seiyuu: Tatsuhisa Suzuki

Translator’s note: Oh boy. Going back to the MB CDs after focusing on the recent ones is a huge culture shock. Just like with the Do-S Kyuuketsu CDs, the M boys are so much more intense and aggressive in these, even compared to their MB routes. Yuma is my favorite out of the four, but I can’t say I condone some of the stuff he does in this CD. I genuinely feel bad for the MC and fear for her life by the end of this wild ride...

Track 1+2 ll Track 3+4 ll Track 5+6 ll Track 7+8 ll Track 9+10

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 1: Abducted

You are walking as Yuma trails behind you.

[00:09] “...What’s good, girl? ...Hey, I’m talkin’ to ya! The one walkin’ in front of me!”

You frown but continue walking.

“Yeah, you!”

You choose to ignore him and continue walking along.

“Oi, I greeted ya! Are ya even listenin’? ...Che...What a fuckin’ drag...Who in their right mind would bother with this Sow if it weren’t under someone’s order?”

You speed up your pace.

“ーー At least bother answerin’ my call...!”

He catches up to you grabs hold of your arm.

*Rustle*

“...Don’t be causin’ me extra trouble!”

You seem surprised.

[00:50] “The fuck’s that dumb look on yer face? ...Haah...Honestly, the more I look at that face of yers, the shittier it looks.”

You ask for his name.

“...Aah? Ya wanna know who I am? Who gives a damn!? Shut up...!!”

Yuma picks you up.

*Rustle rustle*

[01:09] “...Woah, you’re hella light! I was kinda hopin’ there’d be a lil’ more to ya (1) on the inside to make up for those disappointin’ looks, but you’re lackin’ both in and out. ...Borin’!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Oi, oi...Don’t make too much of a fuss, ‘kay?”

*Thud*

“...Do ya want me to push ya off the edge, huh?”

You flinch.

[01:32] “Exactly! Who would want that? ...Then stop resistin’. I’m sure ya can tell it’s pointless anyway by takin’ a quick look at me. Guess ya could say the difference in power is too much? Ya don’t stand a chance ‘gainst me.”

*Rustle*

“Phew...~ Now that was a piece of cake.”

Yuma starts munching on some sugar cubes.

*Crunch crunch*

[02:01] “Mmh! I can munch on some sugar while carryin’ ya! Geezー I wonder why I had to make an appearance to catch a weaklin’ like ya? I don’t get it. ...You’re special, aren’t ya? Ruki filled me in on most of the details but it doesn’t really click with me. Are ya hidin’ it somewhere I can’t see, haah...?”

You frown.

“Well, anyway, better quickly hand ya over to Ruki before those darn pests come to take ya back. ...Haah...?”

*Sniff*

“...The fuck’s this scent?”

He takes in the air.

“...Is it comin’ from ya?”

You flinch.

“Heeh...Guess this would count as special. ...It smells nice, like there’s somethin’ more to it...”

*Rustle rustle*

[03:10] “I changed my mind! I was gonna drop ya off real quick, but I think I’ll do some taste testin’ myself first. I was just feelin’ kinda hungry as well.”

*Rustle*

“Some sugarcubes just don’t cut it.”

*Crunch*

[03:32] “Haah...? Ya wanna know what I mean with taste testin’? ...Oi, oi, now don’t feign ignorance. Heh. They’ve had their way with ya plenty of times, right? We all know you’ve had yer blood sucked left and right. You’re the literal definition of shameless so no point in hidin’ it. ...So it really doesn’t matter if I have a lil’ sip as well, right? At this point, at least.”

*Rustle*

“That bein’ said, I can’t relax up here. Guess we can drop by my hideout.”

He turns around.

“Hehe...It’s a great place. I’m sure...you’ll love it as well.”

TRACK 2: Mukami Yuma

Yuma throws you down on the floor.

“There ya go...!”

*THUD*

“...We’re here!”

He makes himself comfortable.

*Rustle rustle*

[00:07] “Ah~ This place really makes me feel at ease. At home there’s just a bunch of annoyin’ pests crawlin’ ‘round...and that guy keeps on makin’ me do all these stupid chores.”

You protest.

“...Aah!? The fuck did ya just say? ‘Don’t throw me ‘round’? ...Shut up!!”

You ask Yuma about your whereabouts.

“Ah? Ya wanna know where ya are? You’re really annoyin’ with all these darn questions, aren’t ya? Can’t ya tell by takin’ a look ‘round? ...This is my hideout.”

*Crunch crunch*

[00:42] “I’ve got a generous amount of my Sugar-chan stashed away over here as well. ...Hah? Why I’m munchin’ on sugar cubes, ya ask? I mean, ‘cause I like this stuff, duh? ...Ya want some too?”

*Rustle*

“Open yer mouth. It’s good.”

You hesitate.

[01:03] “...Che! Oi, you’re the one who brought it up, remember!? Now open up yer darn mouth already! I’m offerin’ to share my precious Sugar-chan with ya!”

*Rustle*

“Come on, part those lips!”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Oi, here. ...You little...Don’t try and spit it back out...Oi! Don’t waste the good shit!”

You continue to fight back but eventually have to give in.

*Rustle rustle*

“...Heh, see? It’s good, right?”

You give your impressions.

[01:34] “Hah? I mean, it’s plain sugar so ‘course it’s gonna taste sweet. What didya think it was? ...Ah? Did ya think it was some kind of dirty drug or somethin’? Hehehe~ ...Too bad~ This is just regular old sugar. It’s not the kind of lewd drug ya had in mind. But wellー I suppose ya could say this stuff works in a similar way to me, heh. ...So you’re not entirely wrong.

[02:19] Besides, I wouldn’t waste my time druggin’ someone like ya. I bet I can make ya bend to my will in no time, isn’t that right? I can imagine those dudes would be into a chick like that. Hehehe...”

You try and defend yourself.

“Haah? Ya wanna prove me wrong? It’s not like that? Then what are these, huh!?”

He rips open your uniform.

*RIIIIIP*

[02:54] “Ah-aaah...You’ve got their greedy marks littered all across yer body. Heh. Don’t try and play innocent. Ya begged for these, didn’t ya?”

You shake your head.

“You’re gravely mistaken if ya think ya can fool me by feignin’ ignorance. These marks don’t lie. I’m a...Vampire after all. ...Hehe.”

Your eyes widen in shock.

“I’m sure ya had a faint suspicion, didn’t ya? Well...That bein’ said, I’m a lil’ different from the Vampires you’re oh-so familiar with. ...I’m Mukami Yuma. Remember that well.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) Literally he says that he thought that perhaps she was more ‘closely packed’ on the inside, which may refer to the possibility of her not being very good-looking, but at least having some intelligence to back her up. Don’t quote me on this though since this line was rather confusing to me.

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[helgaw321]

Takeru’s 155 Q&A

To start off things, let me share (again) one of my most satisfying works from last year, that is Takeru’s Q&A section from his 30th birthday anniversary book. Looking back, I think I worked on this one for almost one week, and It felt really satisfying to finish it on Takeru’s 31th birthday ❤️

Once again, enjoy!

(Disclaimer: All translations are done by myself, pls don’t repost without permission, thank you!)

===========

These are the questions sent by fans through Takeru's official LINE account. Thank you for all of your participation!!

1. Is there anything you would like to do or achieve in 2019? I'd like to do anything good for my body

2. If there is one day you're not Satou Takeru anymore, what will you do? Go to sauna

3. If there is one day you become a girl, what will you do? Sing Sheena Ringo's songs in the original key

4. If you can travel back in time, when would you go? Middle high school

5. If you are being reborn, do you want to be yourself again? Not really

6. If there is an "Anywhere Door", where would you like to go? The world's best views

7. Do you think aliens exist? Not in this solar system I think

8. 10 years from now, what kind of father do you want to be? I want to avoid using weird emoji

9. If you move abroad, which country would you choose? Maybe America or Canada

10. If you got the chance to direct a film, what kind of film and who are the casts? Horror. Because it seems difficult to explain, I'll do it myself.

11. If you have to become one of the characters you've played before, who will you choose? Shishigami Hiro

12. Among of the movies created in the past, is there any movie you like to have acted in? (Anything from) Ghibli

13. Who would you like to meet the most right now? And what will you ask him/her? Hanyu (Yuzuru)-kun. "Do you want to join Amuse (Takeru's agency)?"

14. Anything you want to overcome in this year? Coughing out when sleeping

15. If you can go with your mom on a trip, where would you like to go? I don't know. I'll go where she would want to go

16. When you see food with the name you see for the first time, do you dare try? Or you tend to play safe? I tend to take the challenge.

17. If you can meet your 20-year-old self, what would you like to say? Nothing in particular

18. What kind of present you would like to receive in last year of Heisei-era? Speakers that can be used in bathroom

19. Where would you like to go on honeymoon? The world's best views

20. What would you like to do in your last day of your life? I don't want to know that day is the end of my life

21. If you can take a long holiday, what would you like to do? Watch movies. Escape room games.

22. I love Takeru-kun's singing voice. If someday you get to sing in your next project, do you want to do it? I don't mind

23. If you weren't in the entertainment world, what would you do? I imagined myself to study something related to science-field in university, but I don't know what to do next

24. What else you like in sushi other than Kohada (gizzard shad)? Between tuna and salmon, which one do you like? Tuna. I also like squid and uni (sea urchin). And also button shrimp

25. If you become an invisible person, what would you want to do? State secrets investigation

26. Favorite movie? Kimi no Na wa (Your name)

27. Do you like sweets? I like it but I rarely snacking

28. Favorite smell? Morning forest

29. What do you like in osechi (traditional Japanese new year food)? Kamaboko (fish cake)

30. Favorite manga? Tenshi na Konamaiki (Cheeky Angel) (note: he said in Yakai before that his first love is the heroine from this manga XD)

31. Do you like to go to onsen? Yes

32. If you have your own favorite/most disliked body parts, please tell us! I won't say because it's embarassing

33. Favorite color? Navy blue

34. Favorite kind of noodles? Cold soba

35. Favorite season? Winter

36. Do you like horumon (cuisine made from pork or beef offal)? I like it more than average people

37. You went to lots of places during filming or doing promotion for movies, do you have favorite region? Also please tell us if you have a must-eat food there! Hitsumabushi in Nagoya

38. If i remembered correctly, you've said that you like your home, is there any other place you like? I also like hotel

39. Any recommendation for foreign drama? Friends

40. Favorite novel? Shigatsu ni nareba Kanojo wa (also titled April Girlfriend - by Kawamura Genki)

41. What do you usually add when you eat medamayaki (fried egg)? Salt and pepper or Shoyu

42. What do you usually add when you eat freshly cooked white rice? Karashi (spicy) mentaiko

43. Please tell us your order of eating sushi! Omakase (literally meaning "I'll leave it up to you", a special course when the customer leaves it up to the chef to serve)

44. What are your memories of doing Kamen Rider? Commuting in a crowded train

45. Please tell us a happy episode from filming Den-O! We sometimes would go to Jojoen near Oizumi Studio

46. Who is your favorite Imajin from Den-O? Ura(taros)

47. If you act as (Nogami) Ryoutarou right now, what kind of person you think he will be? I think people will not change that much

48. If you have a child, what name will you give him/her? I think 2 letters would be nice

49. Among the actors-actresses you haven't co-starred with, who would you want to work together with? Fukatsu (Eri)-san

50. Among all of your projects, which role is the most fun/memorable? Rookies was fun

51. Do you still continue to learn English? Yes

52. Among all of roles you've played, was there a moment when you think it resembles yourself? Probably no

53. Is there any place inside Japan you want to go? Never-visited islands

54. Is there anything you want to learn right now? I want to learn to dance

55. When you first meet a person, what is the first thing you will look at? I got this question a lot and until now I don't know the answer. I wonder what I will look at first

56. What role you want to try this year? As a runaway child

57. Among all of your projects, is there anything you wouldn't want to watch? Basically I don't want to watch it. I don't watch most of it.

58. If you can do a sequel, is there a work you want to do? Rurouni, Kanouso, Gibomusu

59. Is there any villain role from movie/drama/manga/novel that you want to do? I'd like to if there's any (interesting roles)

60. Before you do a crying scene, how do you usually spend your time? Depends on the scene

61. What is your description of "Kakkoii"? Taking the initiative in what people hate, and don't show off your action

62. You said that you didn't like saba no misoni (mackerel with miso), was it because you didn't like mackerel itself? When I saw "saba no misoni" in school lunch menu, I would be very dissapointed. I like mackarel though.

63. If you got an offer for main cast in Taiga drama, will you take it? I like that kind of question where you don't think "If it's the main cast for Taiga I'll definitely do it"

64. Something to do to keep you healthy? Sleep 12 hours

65. Do you have any actor friends? Everyone that gave their comments in this book

66. How do you feel when you work in Rurouni Kenshin kiri (` ・ω・‘) (note: this is the actual answer (i only changed hiragana to romaji/alphabet), kiri/kiru is to cut/slash in japanese, so maybe he just felt like slashing ppl all the time XDD)

67. Something that makes you feel "I can die peacefully after doing this"? Become Ajin

68. What is the scariest thing in the world? Please see video original version of "Ju-on"

69. Have you seen Aurora? No

70. When you take a bath, what part of the body you washed first? Head

71. In what moment do you usually can be yourself the most? I am myself mostly everytime

72. If fans reach out to you in your private time, how far can we go e.g handshake/photograph? It'll be embarassing to take a photo, so only handshake is good

73. We always see Takeru-san in the acting side, do you ever think of creating a movie? If I create a movie, I also want to act in that movie

74. You showed us for a short moment in Horoyoi ads, but I want to hear more of your singing voice! Recently, is there any song that you will definitely sing in karaoke? Marigold, no I'm lying. I don't have such song.

75. You always give your best during promotions for dramas/movies, but was there any tough times? Ehh you're so kind.

76. You said that you want to take a break in this year because you've worked hard in last year, did that feeling change? It's not like I want to take break, but I think my exposure level is decreasing compared to last year

77. In Kanouso, during the moment when you weren't supposed to cry but tears suddenly fell down, how to control such emotion? I looked at her (Riko) face

78. Is there any actor/actress you admire? If I tell you, you will be more aware of that person, so because I don't want you to have such thought, I won't tell you.

79. How did you spend your time during 2019 new year? I watched Unnatural with my family at home

80. What is your special skill? Othello

81. Do you use perfume? I don't usually use it but because we're making it (as anniversary goods) this time so I'm using that.

82. When thinking about Takeru-kun, your image is strongly tied with solving riddles, how did you get into it? Also how much time did you spend in 1 day? My first time was when my friends invited me to play escape games. As long as time allows me to do it, I can do it all day.

83. Among all of Hanbun, Aoi cast, who is your best friend? Kan-chan (Suzume's daughter)

84. If you meet a person that you want to befriend, are you the type who reach out to him/her, or wait? Reach out

85. Regardless of gender, what kind of person you're not good at? People who makes mistakes

86. What is your decisive factor when choosing a project? Whether I want or I don't want to do it

87. By any chance, is Takeru-san the type of genius person with photographic memory? I'm not that kind of person

88. What do you sing when you go to karaoke? Radwimps

89. Do you do any muscle training? I do but depends on the timing

90. When you go out with somebody you like on a date, in what situation do you like? Autumn leaves

91. Has anybody said to you that you resemble someone (in entertainment world)? Shouhei's wife (Kiritani Mirei) (note: why he won't say her name directly XDD)

92. Do you have any age restriction for marriage? I'd like to do it in my 30s if I can

93. Why do you become "a man lost in love"? What a good word to express it. Love is not something you experience several times, isn't it?

94. What kind of hair type do you like for girl? I like natural, not shaped ones

95. In what moment do you think girls are cute? When you see they are excited when I choose her in SUGAR

96. When you found a girl you like, do you actively "attack" her? Of course if I like her

97. Do you like a woman who will casually do body touch, doing upward gaze, and sort of the aggresive type? I don't like it at all

98. In what moment you think you can't help but liking a girl? When she casually do body touch, do upward gaze (note: so which one do you actually like LOL -- refer to Q97)

99. Between older and younger woman, which one do you like? I like both

100. What kind of girl do you like? Girls with narrow "strike zone"

101. What is the minimum requirement for your partner to marry you? I no longer have such requirement

102. As a man, what do you think of a man who keeps looking at his phone, keeps looking at the clock when dating a woman? It's not a good thing to do, it's like he doesn't care about his partner.

103. What do you think about a fun and easygoing girl? Girls with good sense of humor are good

104. When you have a girlfriend, what kind of homemade food will you make for her? Miso soup

105. What kind of make up do you like for girls? As long as she doesn't overdo it

106. I have a person I can't forget even after so many years, Does Takeru-kun have that kind of experience? Yes for a few years, but I don't know what will happen for 10+ years

107. I called my nephews and nieces with nicknames. Does Takeru-kun have any nicknames you want to be called with? I like Takeru-san rather than Takeru-kun

108. What sound do you use as your alarm ringtone? Default settings

109. You have a really beautiful skin. Do you have any advice for it? Moisturizing

110. Any activities you've been into lately? Alternate baths (also called contrast bath therapy) (note: a kind of bath therapy where you alternate between hot and cold baths.)

111. Where do you usually go? Most recent is gym

112. Do you still hate caterpillars? Sorry, but yes

113. Do you cook? Do you have any specialities? Nope

114. Where and how you usually memorize your script? I usually memorize it with my costars moments before shooting in the set

115. For Takeru-san who loves reading, how do you usually choose books to read? I'd usually pick friends' recommendation

116. When you sleep do you prefer to turn on or off the lights? Turn off. I can't stand even the lights from humidifier

117. In what moment do you think it's nice being an actor? When people are being nice to you

118. Things like clothes, bags, shoes, is there anything that you have to make sure it's in good quality before you buy? Towel

119. If you have one full day with your beloved cats, what will you do? Cuddling its cheek

120. If you are being reborn as a cat, who do you want to take care of you? Do you want to play together with Kochirou and Puchirou in Satou's family house? Yes. (note: Kochirou and Puchirou are his beloved cats currently living in his parents' house)

121. If you can have one more cat, what name will you give? At least not names in katakana

122. Are you a dog person? Cat person? Cat

123. As a cat-lover, which part of a cat do you like? Face

124. What is your favorite Kochirou and Puchirou's pose? When they become rounded like a ball

125. If you can have a dog, what kind of dog do you like? Shiba-inu

126. Beside cat, do you have any other animals you'd like to have? Dolphin

127. Where do you want to live? Shiodome maybe

128. Have you give your mom presents from home bakery? Yes. I think you can also make mochi with those

129. If you're doing a solo trip, where will you go? Canada

130. How do you get along with Nobu-san (from Chidori)? We were working together in a variety show and I ask for his phone number

131. You were famous among the older people from long ago, what do you think about that? I don't really care about the age as long as I still got the "waa" and "kyaa"

132. In what moment do you feel happy? When I solved a riddle

133. What is your favorite song from Takahashi Yuu-kun? Hachigatsu Muika (August 6) (note: he sang this song in his 30th birthday event)

134. If you have to give a score for your acting career up until now, how many points out of 100? 60

135. In the future, can you create an event where fans can meet you directly? Yes

136. You've said before that because you can't tidy your room up so your mom had to visit your house to tidy things up, is it still the same now? I've become independent now

137. I'm still a kid, an elementary school student. When I talk about Kamen Rider, there are some kids who get along with me, but there also kids who call me weird. Is it alright that I still love Kamen Rider? Please tell me. I was also called weird by my friends in my school days so it will be alright

138. Do you plan to go to Kyoto in this year? I already go there few times

139. In what moment do you feel the happiest? I can't decide between the moment when I saw at Ruroken's (sales) performance or when I managed to clear an escape game challenge, or when I was in elementary school when I got into Yu-Gi-Oh, I got Summoned Skull from a booster pack.

140. Was there a moment when you cried while watching a movie? Usually I cried watching touching movies

141. Between the roles you've played almost simultaneously, such as Ritsu in Hanbun, Aoi, Mugita in Gibomusu, and Kazuo in Oku Otoko, which one is the most difficult to play? Kazuo

142. Recently, is there a moment when you laughed so hard? I was hitting my knees laughing while watching Aiseki Shokudou (Chidori's show) at home

143. Please tell us an episode from Kouhaku! When I hesitated to wave my penlight, but then I saw Nomura Mansai-san was waving his so I decided to follow

144. Please tell us your recommended places to visit from "Rurouni-hon Kumamoto e". Nature is always recommended. Negative ions are good for the body. (note: "Rurouni-hon Kumamoto e" was a book about Takeru doing a trip in Kumamoto, promoting places especially those which were affected by Kumamoto earthquake. A portion of the sales were donated to support Kumamoto recovery)

145. You said in the past that you couldn't sleep for a long time, how is it now? Hm it's complex but I think my internal body clock feels off

146. When telling our thoughts about your movies/dramas, do you have any preferred ways that makes you happy? When you shared it in the internet

147. My son is telling me that he wants to be a voice actor and wants to go to a vocational school. As a parent, should I support him? Did Takeru-kun get your parents' support when you want to be an actor? My parents had no objection at that time. It didn't cost me any money. By the way, do professional voice actors learn in vocational schools? I support him to become a voice actor, but I'm not sure if it's the right decision to enroll in a vocational school to become a voice actor.

148. Among all the places you've visited during your work or private trips, do you have any recommendation for us? Salar de Uyuni (note: he went to this place for X photobook)

149. When you watch a movie, do you prefer to read the original story first or straight to the movie? If I want to enjoy the movie, I'd watch the movie first. If I want to enjoy the book, I'd read the book first.

150. Can I hug you when I meet you? Maybe no

151. Do you use washing machine for drying your clothes? What will happen to your clothes after that? Wrinkled

152. What is the most important thing or person to you? People who put their faith in me

153. Are you looking forward to expand your career overseas? Rather than wanting to work in a Hollywood movie, I prefer to think more on how to make Japanese movies more visible to the world.

154. Is there anything you'd like to do in your 30s, any target or resolution? I have a few in mind, but I'll tell you when I manage to accomplish them

155. Please tell us about your vision of living your life from now on! I hope I can do more of what I want to do.

(pic: https://satohtakeru.amuseblog.jp/blog/2019/03/30th-anniversar-1c47.html)

[bobasheebaby]

Amy Farrah Fowler Prompts

1 “I gave you one job! Keep an eye on him/her. How hard is that?”

2 “Thank you for understanding.” “Of course I understand. NAME, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just. I want you to know you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates —“ “I love you, too.” “You said it.”

3 “NAME does not get lucky.” “You and me both, brother.”

4 “Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock knock joke that starts ‘Knock Knock Knock, NAME. Knock Knock Knock, NAME. Knock Knock Knock, NAME’?”

5 “It's too late. He's/She’s been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic NAME murder mystery dinner.” “I'm leaving.”

6 [knocks three times] NAME 1, NAME 2, NAME 3. [repeats three times] “He's/She’s never going to stop doing that, is he/she?” “I don't mind. I'm hoping to put his/her love of repetition to good use someday.”

7 “Do I really force you to do things you don't want to?” “Yeah, but it's okay.” “How is it okay?” “I promised myself if I ever got friends I'd do whatever they said. Really, I'm lucky you found me before a cult did.”

8 “You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is symptomatic of obsessive-compulsive disorder?” “Is not. Is not. Is not.” “Denial. Denial. Denial.”

9 “What is your problem?” “It's Valentine's day. We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend.” “Oh, really? 'cause I remember you saying this trip was going to be something we could both enjoy. Did you mean that or were you just trying to trick me?” “Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen.”

10 “Well, wait. What if, just this once, we suspend the date night parameters and you stay later?” “Well, as long as we're suspending the parameters. I could stay really late and we could have our first sleepover.” “That's a big step.” “It's a big fort.”

11 “NAME, that was beautiful.” “If you didn't press record —“ “I pressed it!”

12 “Hi, NAME.” “Hello.” “Are you feeling any better?” “Physically, yes, but I'm upset because everyone's mad at me for no good reason.” “Why don't you tell me what happened, and in a gentle, loving way, I'll explain to you why you're wrong.”

13 “How's your life?” “Like everybody else's, subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking.”

14 “Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Which brings me to our next order of business.” [Kisses them] “Fascinating.” “I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did.” [Runs to bathroom and vomits]

15 “You know, its a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey.” “You want to spank me?”

16 “I don't have (Valentine's) plans, which is why I booked time on the big telescope that night.” “An evening looking at the stars, that's still kinda romantic.” “Except I'd be alone.” “I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.”

17 “I have a sorta kinda boyfriend/girlfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.”

18 “You better watch that attitude, buddy. You're dating the popular boy/girl now.”

19 “I'll let you in on a little secret. Originally, we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.” “Yeah, good call.” “But, if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.” “You're talking about the painting, right?” “Sure.”

20 “NAME 1, I think you might find the support you're looking for if you realize relationships are a give and take. He/She can only be there for you as much as you are for him/her.” “Thank you, NAME 3.” “And NAME 2, you need to be patient with NAME 1 and stop pressuring him/her into accepting intimacy on your terms.” “You should probably go.”

21 “You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.” “Little early for alcohol, isn't it?” [On the radio] “You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel.” [Yodelling] “I'll get the vodka.”

22 “And action.” “And cut! You realize I'm doing this for free, right?” “Yes, and so far we're still not getting our money's worth.”

23 “Stop it! Today is not about you, it's about NAME and NAME, and me!”

24 “Where are the kids?” “Oh, NAME’s helping NAME give them a bath.” “Hmm. So you really think you can trick NAME into liking babies?” “I slept with him/her. I married him/her. You want to bet against me?”

25 “Coming. Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles.” [Answers the door] “Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few.” “You heard what I did?” “I heard who you did.”

26 “I don't want five dollars, I want my dignity.” “So, what are we talking, like ten bucks?”

27 “Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink.” “No more than NAME.” “That's what I'm saying.”

28 “How could you do that?” “I'm sorry, but you know what it's like when you're with your man/woman and one thing leads to another.” “I do know what that's like. I really do.”

29 “Is that book called ‘Lies I tell to get sex’?” “Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.” “Can I borrow it when you're done?”

30 “Then I met NAME and look at where we are now.” “You've kissed like once in three years.” “That's true. Do whatever you want.”

31 “Are you sure your moth-like personality won't be drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?” “More and more sure.”

32 “Your husband's weird and his clothes are ridiculous.”

33 “Did he/she say she didn't like you?” “Of course not. Nobody ever says they don't like you straight to your face.” “Heh, we have led different lives!”

34 “You know there was a time when I was alone and had no friends. I'm starting to miss that.”

35 “You're acting odd. Why?” “I'm odd all the time. Everyone knows that. Just last night, I tried to see how many Fava beans I could fit in my mouth.” “Tell me the truth.” “28.” “Come on.” “56.”

36 “Uh-oh.” “What?” “I left the food out.” “You afraid it's gonna go good?”

37 “You know how, when you're sick, you're allowed to be cranky and say whatever you want and other people's feelings don't matter?” “Ooh. Gentle and loving. This is gonna be tricky.”

38 “Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?” “I can honestly say NAME.” “Aww, then I choose a janitor, because I'm about to throw up.”

39 “Please pass the butter!”

40 “Why can't there just be one week each month for famous people to die?” “Well, they've already arranged to die in threes. What more do you want from them?”

41 “I miss this.” “How can you miss a game you've never played before, silly?” “I guess sometimes I'm silly.”

42 “You don't know what it's like to feel completely frustrated. To have a desire build up within you and be denied any opportunity for release.” “Yeah, sounds like a drag.”

43 “Look, I know this is your wedding, and you can do whatever you want, but if you think anyone but me is gonna be your maid of honor, then you're an idiot because you are my best friend.” “Too late, NAM—” [pushes person b out of the way, rushes to hug persona a] “Bestie!”

44 “You and I never hang out like this. Why is that?” “I know, it's weird, right?” “Yeah, we should do it more often.” “Oh, no. I mean this is weird right now.”

45 “It actually was kinda fun.” “You're just saying that.” “Yeah.”

46 “If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?” “Okay, if you are going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.”

47 “I made your favorite oatmeal — plain.”

48 “Hi, NAME. What's new?” “Our friends are jerks, and I'm mad at all of them.” “I said, ‘What's new?’ but sure.”

49 “FYI, I had a donut for breakfast, you jerk.”

50 “Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.” “I can hear your face talking, so we're even.”

[unlimitedskyeproductions]

100 Random Things About Daisuke Okana

1: goes by the name of Daisuke Okana 2: 21 years old 3: born on a Wednesday at 8:47 AM on February 29th 4: works as a detective 5: always has a way of fucking things up (and thus gained the nickname "Ohno" - used in the context of  "Oh no, Daisuke!") 6: generally pretty chill and laid back about shit 7: always the calm one 8: despite this he gets really excited way too easily over the stupidest, simplest shit 9: smooth-talking charmer who's also kind of an airhead 10: knows he has a tendency to fuck shit up so he always goes out of his way to do better - though he usually just fucks up even worse than before 11: really great stamina 12: doesn't really care for material stuff  at all, but when someone gives him a materialistic gift he cherishes that item like it's some kind of blessed artifact 13: spends about 10 hours a day just snacking or eating 14: generally whenever you see him there's a 70% chance he'll be eating something 15: sweet but very very clumsy 16: can't seem to get his shit together 17: the only kinds of music he ever listens to is either hardcore dubstep or really shitty pop music (Skrillex and Britney Spears come to mind) 18: lovES CATS 19: dedicated smoker and has been for 7 years 20: bisexual as hell 21: has a lot of really unusual quirks 22: his social cues are kinda fucked sometimes 23: he's either really great at reading people's emotions or absolutely hopeless at it, just depends on how his day's been so far 24: never goes anywhere without his lucky penny tucked safely into his coat pocket 25: he's a super sweet guy and he absolutely Can Not take it when people are upset with him because he feels so damn guilty about it 26: really fucking smart despite being such an airhead (university graduate with honors) 27: possibly might have some level of high-functioning autism but nobody's really sure 28: hates memes but at the same time is a total memelord 29: he has a really bad habit of using the office computer to send  funny cat videos to his coworkers 30: His Voice Is Like Fucking Silk 31: if he hears one of his favorite songs on the radio he'll immediately start singing along no matter where he is 32: instantly becomes Illiterate without his reading glasses 33: manscaping expert (seriously this guy's entire body is fucking  h a i r l e s s) 34: MASTER OF MARIOKART AND STREET FIGHTER 35: loves zombie horror movies (his favorite movie of all time is Shaun of the Dead) 36: afraid of thunderstorms and the dark (but shhhhhh that's a secret) 37: owns three cats - Mr. Pickles, Bowtie and Whiskey (whom was supposed to be named Whiskers but his phone changed it and it sort of stuck) 38: always seems to have exactly what you need at that exact moment - need a pair of scissors? he has em. need an extra sock? he has that too. also snacks 39: here's a secret - he has no idea how to tie a tie (all his ties are clip-ons) 40: here's another secret - he has a three year old daughter (the marriage didn't work out and now he's only allowed to see her three times a week because his ex is a spiteful bitch) 41: he's a very good daddy tho and his daughter practically worships him 42: can't cook whatsofuckingever 43: loves the wintertime because then he gets to run around in the snow 44: airheaded man-child 45: has a scar on his left shoulder from that one time he casually took a bullet 46: actually kind of artistic and doodles a lot 47: one time his neighbors called the cops on him because they heard him screaming and stuff getting broken and they thought he was being murdered - in reality a bat had flown in and he was having a very difficult time getting rid of it (the cops helped him out with that tho) 48: LOVES pulling stupid pranks on his coworkers, especially his partner 49: his partner kinda hates him apparently so he's always doing dumb shit to try and make him smile - often fails 50: collects socks (only the cool kinds with awesome patterns though) 51: he'll generally dress however you tell him to but you're in for one hell of a struggle if you tell him he can't wear his favorite coat and his favorite pair of fluorescent green glow in the dark socks 52: he'll get really aggressive when he's protecting his loved ones but most of the time he's just a gigantic marshmallow 53: he hates when he makes people upset with him and he'll pull out all the stops to get that person to forgive him 54: he watches a lot of cartoons with his daughter and long story short he's memorized every single fucking episode of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic (unintentionally, of course. dude ain't no brony.) 55: LOVES BOARD GAMES 56: super athletic and goes to the gym every night after work 57: will not hesitate to go on a 45 minute rant about why the best television show in history was Doctor Who 58: a bit of a slacker but dependable as fuck when it matters most 59: hates spiders 60: his hair is suuuuuuuuuper fluffy and soft 61: he'll let his daughter give him makeovers and dress him up like a princess 62: he doesn't mind this at all and the only thing that matters is seeing her smile 63: one time after a visit with his daughter he came to work he next day and completely forgot the fact he had a bunch of brightly colored hairpins in his hair and a Hello Kitty headband on (he was pretty chill about it when people told him this information) 64: his number one weakness is food 65: loves ramen noodles oh my fUCKING GOD he loves rame noodles 66: he loves getting praise and compliments from people because he knows he always messes things up so when he gets praised it makes him feel extra special 67: he'll usually let you say whatever you want to him and tease him to your heart's content - he generally just does not care if you're poking fun at him because he only wants to make people smile. and if you're at your happiest when you're making fun of him, well, he'll let it continue 68: 100% cannot function properly in his daily life without his morning cup of coffee (with whiskey added, obviously) 69: despite having an ex-wife and a kid he HAS actually been with dudes in the past (that's actually part of the reason why his wife left him) 70: WILL FUCKING NOT let people mistreat his loved ones 71: cancer survivor 72: generally lives off of McDonald's, rice, and ramen noodles 73: he'll go grocery shopping like a normal but usually not unless it's the day before his daughter gets dropped off (he's fine living off the bare minimum, but he'll be fucking DAMNED if he lets his daughter eat fucking ramen noodles for lunch) 74: he's actually SUPER ticklish 75: an expert at guns and shit 76: very knowledgeable about cheese????? for some weird reason????? 77: he can literally rant for two hours on all the types of cheese and how good or bad they are compare to others 78: recently he had to buy a new phone because he couldn't turn off the capslock and there was a whole week whrere he was just scREAMING AT HIS COWORKERS THROUGH TEXT and it was very awkward 79: he can and will fall asleep literally fucking anywhere 80: despite being a dedicated smoker he NEVER smokes around his daughter EVER 81: when he's not working a case he'll spend every second of his free time either working to get full custody of his daughter or trying to get his partner to open up more and be more sociable 82: loves singing and playing this prized  guitar and he'll often do karaoke night at the bar on weekends 83: not an alcoholic but he will go to his favorite bar at least three nights a week because he's super great friends with the bartender (who also happens to be his best friend from high school) 84: he won't get drunk on those nights and while he may have a drink or two, but generally he just drinks water since he's there to socialize, not get wasted 85: loves sweet foods and desserts 86: juuuuuuuuust a little bit vain 87: also sort of flirtatious 88: just a little bit tho 89: always VERY enthusiastic about the smallest things (you could tell him to meet you at a fancy hotel and he'd literally just stand in front of the room's door for three minutes just staring at the doorknob like "check out this awesome doorknob! it's so shiny! i can see my reflection in it!") 90: just a big gigantic soft fluffy marshmallow up to 98% of the time 91: he loves showering his loved ones in compliments and random yet VERY EXPENSIVE BORDERLINE BANKRUPTING gifts 92: approximately 6-something-ish feet in height 93: really bad at swimming 94: master at playing pool 95: LOVES hugs and physical affection 96: has a secret manga collection but nobody knows this 97: sort of a dork 98: loves stupid comedy movies and silly tv shows 99: cannot ever resist the opportunity to make a cheesy joke or a pun 100: only true anime fans will get this but generally his ENTIRE character is a cross between Kotetsu Kaburagi, Dazai Osamu and Lockon Stratos (yes, I know, I'm VERY original here)

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/03/2021 (Central Cee, KSI/YUNGBLUD/Polo G)

On the tenth week that a song appears on the UK Singles Chart, it becomes likely that it has a cut to its streaming numbers by the Official Charts Company, particularly if it’s still in the top 10 and especially if it’s #1. So, the streaming and sales do not change, but the Official Charts Company just weighs them differently. This means that it’s often that songs reliant on streaming – read: most of the chart given that the UK doesn’t factor in radio – drop intensely on that particular week. Therefore, we switched out our Pokémon and “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo has been replaced at #1 after nine weeks by “Wellerman”, an 1800s sea shanty from New Zealand covered by Nathan Evans and remixed as a pop-house song by 220 KID and Billen Ted. Of course. I don’t know all of the complexities behind this rule but I do know it shakes up the chart at the cost of it being ridiculously inaccurate – I do think “drivers license” is probably still the biggest song in the country. “drivers license” is at #18 now, by the way. Yikes. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

We have a pretty interesting week, to say the least, but before all that, we can get through this brief rundown as always as we cover the UK Top 75 and all of what’s happening over there, since that’s what I cover. First of all, we do have some big drop-outs, like #1 hits “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek that seemingly had its second wind pummelled this week, and “positions” by Ariana Grande leaving somewhat prematurely. We also have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers retreating to the other 25 slots I don’t cover because, well, of course, as well as “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus and sadly, “Be the One” by Rudimental featuring MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D, but that’s all for the notable drops out of the chart. Still falling within the chart other than the aforementioned “drivers license” are... basically all of the Drake songs from last week falling behind the top 10 and even the top 20, and two of them being behind “Leave the Door Open” now – thankfully. “What’s Next” is at #20, “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” featuring Rick Ross is at #25 and “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby is at #28. We also have a handful of other notable fallers like “WITHOUT YOU” by the Kid LAROI at #27, “Hold On” by Justin Bieber off of the debut at #31 (could rebound next week when the album makes its impact), “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #35, “Anxious” by AJ Tracey off of the debut to #45, “Anyone” by Justin Bieber at #49, “Medicine” by James Arthur at #54, “Bluuwuu” by Digga D at #57, “34+35” by Ariana Grande at #58, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I at #60, “Toxic” by Digga D at #61, “Good Days” by SZA at #64, “Whoopty” by CJ at #65, “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus featuring Dua Lipa at #66, “Afterglow” by Ed Sheeran at #68, “Regardless” by RAYE and Rudimental at #69, “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #71 and finally, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #75. I hope that next week is the last time I need to say “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV, not because the song is bad but that is a convoluted credit if I’ve ever seen one. In terms of gains and returning entries, it does get interesting. The only return is for “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles at #67, but our gains include “Didn’t Know” by Tom Zanetti at #56, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Given at #42 thanks to the video, “Ferrari Horses” by D-Block Europe featuring RAYE at #36 off of the debut, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #32, “All You Ever Wanted” by Rag’n’Bone Man at #29, “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf at #24, “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #21, “Little Bit of Love” also by Grennan at #13, “Streets” by Doja Cat at #12 thanks to the video and three songs making their first entry into the top 10 after picking up the pace on the charts recently: “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #9 thanks to his album, “BED” by Joel Corry, RAYE and David Guetta at #8 and finally, to my dismay, “Latest Trends” by A1 x J1 at #2 thanks to a remix featuring Aitch. Sigh, okay, well, we have a... curious selection of new arrivals so let’s start with that.

NEW ARRIVALS

#73 – “You’ve Done Enough” – Gorgon City and DRAMA

Produced by Gorgon City and DRAMA

Gorgon City are a British EDM duo who were particularly big back in 2014 or so when they had their top 10 hits, particularly “Ready for Your Love”, which peaked at #4, but they haven’t really had much success since in the UK or Europe in general. This time, however, they’ve clinched a spot in the top 75 by collaborating with DRAMA, another electronic duo except they’re from Chicago instead of north London and the vocalist here, Via Rosa, is actually from DRAMA and not some uncredited session vocalist or a sample, which surprised me because the vocals here are genuinely great and remind me a lot of these booming diva voices used so commonly in 90s house. In fact, I think this whole song is genuinely great, relying on a house groove that is pretty damn funky and some subtle keys making the foundation for a bouncy four-on-the-floor beat, with the shaky percussion just adding the spice on top of it. It helps that this chorus is pretty ethereal, with Rosa’s vocals booming over this angelic synth blend before a pretty ugly-sounding drop but that is absolutely on purpose, as the content here is about that struggle between trying to find someone and trying to better yourself so you feel like you’d be worthwhile to anyone you end up meeting, which is kind of a depressing cycle in many ways... not that I’ve experienced that, but it sounds like it warrants the DRAMA here. There are tons of intricacies in the productions here too that make the song a lot more complete, particularly in the vocal production and all the intrusive bass wobbles by the second chorus and drop, so, yeah, for once, the generic house tune debuting low on the chart is a pretty great one. I wish it went somewhere further so it sounded like an actual song but as is, without a real bridge, this is still a good, almost anthemic dance track.

#70 – “Rasputin” – Majestic and Boney M.

Produced by Majestic and Frank Farian

Boney M. are a pretty legendary disco group collected by producer Frank Farian of several Caribbean singers to make some of the most fun pop music of the 70s. One of the most interesting things about this band were the fact that they were immensely popular in the Soviet Union back when that existed, and some Soviet films even show their songs playing during high-ranking Soviet government meetings, which sounds like pure comedy. Funnily enough, “Rasputin” was the only song Boney M. were forbidden to play in the USSR, even though it was still a big hit there. The 1978 song, a #2 hit for the band in the UK, basically retells the story that led to infamous and fascinating Tsarist Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin being assassinated, with most claims in the song itself being true or at least as far as we know, although the song does mostly focus on how much of a womaniser he was. The original hit is equally fascinating as the guy himself, with a great typical disco sound, those iconic strings and the use of Russian instrument balalaikas in its mix just furthering that intrigue. Now, in 2021, the song became a hit on TikTok because... of course, and now this remix by a DJ and producer called Majestic, is charting on the UK Singles Chart. Why this remix and not the original song? Well, this is basically a French house remix of the song, using those house patterns not too dissimilar to Daft Punk or Stardust-type stuff, which makes perfect sense to remix a classic disco tune. I do prefer the original track about “Russia’s greatest love machine”, because it’s a lot more natural and the remix is kind of poorly done in some places if I’m being honest, but if this is how kids decide to experience this type of classic disco, I’m not going to complain. It’s a good song; I’m interested to see how this second chart run goes.

#53 – “DAYWALKER!” – Machine Gun Kelly featuring CORPSE

Produced by BaseXX, Machine Gun Kelly and SlimXX

Nope. No, no, no. I refuse. I’m completely fine with bringing pop-punk and post-hardcore stuff back, but if the ringleader is Machine Gun Kelly and he’s bringing out Corpse Husband to help him on this trap-metal garbage, I’m not even going to acknowledge it further than the fact that it exists and it’s probably not in MGK’s best interests to compare himself to Capitol Hill rioters. Otherwise, absolutely not. Nope. Not even going to give this the time of day.

#46 – “Addicted” – Jorja Smith

Produced by Compass

In stark contrast, here we have Jorja Smith’s new single to add to that confusing sophomore album roll-out that I feel has been delaying itself for two years now. This new song is about giving your all to a relationship and not having it reciprocated, but she paints this in a very odd way, painting herself as “too selfless” to leave and that her partner should be “addicted” to her, which seems like the wrong way to go about writing this entirely, especially if this instrumental is going to be the dullest blend of checked-out live percussion and a boring electric guitar loop, and Jorja Smith’s not going to sell this in a different way to how she sells her other songs, going for a subtle croon that just doesn’t make sense for a song where we’re clearly not supposed to think Jorja’s in the right for being this obsessive and somewhat hyperbolic about this relationship not going the way she planned. I could see this being done really well but the song is too weak and flimsy as is to grasp how to handle the content and I’m sorry but it just does not work for me.

#44 – “Day in the Life” – Central Cee

Produced by Frosty Beats

Central Cee released his debut mixtape, Wild West and, listen, there was a point to me not saying much about “DAYWALKER!” so I think Central Cee existing and giving me so little to work with will weaken that point even further. To be fair, I like the choir sample in this beat, even if the drop is going to be really awkwardly staggered by a loose 808 for no reason, and this drill beat never really feels like it keeps up with itself, especially because Central Cee might be the least interesting rapper in a crop of already desperate British rappers. He also says that rappers that use Auto-Tune don’t “really rap” or “really trap”, which is awkward considering some of this guy’s back catalogue, and also incredibly untrue. He also disses D-Block Europe pretty directly which, regardless of who it’s from or how famous DBE continue to get, always feels like punting down, so, yeah, this is worthless.

#43 – “On the Ground” – ROSÉ

Produced by 24, Jon Bellion, Ojivolta and Jordgen Odegard

This is the debut solo single from ROSÉ, one of the singers from K-pop group BLACKPINK, which explains my initial confusion to why this was so high. The label has enlisted Jon Bellion of all people to produce as they intend to push ROSÉ as a global hit-maker in her own right, given that this is part of a two-track EP so that if one track doesn’t do as well, fans could gravitate to another and that becomes the hit. See “Havana” or, really, how Drake releases his singles nowadays. Looking at some of her television appearances and the language surrounding that, it seems like they’ve been trying to push her as a soloist for a while, and given that she broke PSY’s record for most-viewed solo South Korean video in 24 hours with this song, I think it’s a success. Is the song itself any good? Well, to my surprise, it’s all in English. It now sits at 100 million views and really, there’s no way to distinguish that this is from Korea... which isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, because the song is great, relying on this slick electric guitar pluck and ROSÉ’s vocals which, despite being drenched in reverb, sound really great, before the whole song is abruptly plunged into this distorted, bassy electro-pop void which is just a fascinating and kind of avant-garde choice for a pop song like this. The song doesn’t really develop further than that, pretty much repeating its own structure, but that drop with all the spliced-in backing vocals, is such an interesting catharsis itself that I think it makes up for that. The final drop does a lot different as well, going for a lead synth melody on the top of the mix that again sounds really great when paired with that mix and then the rising strings. I was tempted to write this song’s quirks off as shoddy K-pop songwriting but given the credits, especially Jon Bellion, I’m confident all of this nonsense is absolutely on purpose, and I love it. Check it out, I hope this becomes a hit outside of this debut week, although I really don’t think that’ll happen given it’s (ostensibly) a K-pop song and their western success is largely dominant on sales from fans. Regardless, I’m glad it debuted here in the first place as I wouldn’t have heard it otherwise.

#16 – “6 for 6” – Central Cee

Produced by Okami202, Sevon and Young Chencs

This is Cee’s sixth song to hit the chart, and hence he’s going “six for six”, even though only two of those singles were actually poised to stick around in any shape or form. He does seem to be going somewhere with this, particularly the direction I thought “Loading” would be going, as it uses a choir sample as the background to this janky UK drill beat... but it’s soon drowned-out and Cee himself is such a non-presence that it’s not worth paying attention to the guy’s content, let alone his lyrics which seem to try and be somewhat introspective about his drug-dealing and gang violence, but end up being incredibly shallow and not really saying anything, about as shallow as this instrumental. The outro would be a pretty nice piano interlude if it didn’t stop so abruptly and I’ve only got to hope that leads into a track on the album and isn’t just a mistake, because I’m not listening to that mixtape if my life depended on it. Another snooze from Central Cee, what a surprise.

#3 – “Patience” – KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G

Produced by Matt Schwartz

Remember when I said we had three songs making their first entry into the top 10? Yeah, turns out that I’m a compulsive liar since we actually have a fourth at #3, and I’m tempted to nope my way out of this one as well. What’s with this week and whiny, wannabe pop-punk singers collaborating with obnoxious YouTubers? I feel like I’m too old to cover this stuff every other week, and that’s saying something considering KSI himself is pushing 30 at this point, but regardless, I have to check out the song and to my surprise, it’s actually kind of decent. It goes for an 80s synth-rock vibe, with massive guitar tones and obviously not live drums that kind of undercut the pretty great bass groove here, but man, Polo G sounds surprisingly good on this production. His verse is pretty infectious, even if it ends up crushed at the end by YUNGBLUD’s hook, which sounds the least insufferable this guy has ever been, probably because of how the vocal production keeps him slightly in check. KSI himself might be the weakest link as he cannot sing at all, and the Auto-Tune in his verse is not helping, but I do like his David Bowie-interpolating ad-libs on the choruses (Yes, seriously). The bridge is a pathetic excuse of a bridge and the song’s mostly chorus – I’m kind of worried about KSI as a hit-maker going forward if he’s going to consistently contribute so little to his own singles, most of which have two other people on. I mean, it works as a short, inoffensive pop-rock song and not much else. I really wish this was Polo G’s song, actually, I think he deserves a second verse here.

Conclusion

Well, that week happened, that’s for sure. I’m going to give Best of the Week to the obvious outlier here, “On the Ground” by ROSÉ, but not without an Honourable Mention to Gorgon City and DRAMA for “You’ve Done Enough”. Worst of the Week is also going to the obvious outlier, “DAYWALKER!” by Machine Gun Kelly featuring Corpse Husband. Can I give a song I literally refused to review Worst of the Week? Yes, yes, I can. For Dishonourable Mention, just pick your Central Cee-flavoured poison. Here’s this week’s top 10:

I’ll see you next week for... Justin Bieber and Lana Del Rey. Damn, maybe I won’t see you next week.

[sirtravisjacksonoftexas]

Was there animal death before the Fall? Were Adam and Eve hunters? Um, let’s find out…

The story of Adam and Eve is one of a short-lived golden age, where humans were sinless and at peace with both God and nature. The first man and first woman initially lived without the cares of a fallen world, without the ever-present threat of predatory animals and human depravity. They tended a garden, ate only fruits and went around in the nude (yes, they were not only the first humans; they were also the first nudists!). There was no violence, no bloodshed, all was peaceful and idyllic.

Or was it?

Recently, there have been some biblical scholars who have questioned this version of the Adam and Eve tale. Some now believe that the first humans were actually allowed to hunt, kill and eat animals. This seems to contradict Genesis 1:29-30 and 9:2-4, which together state that mankind wasn’t allowed to eat meat until after Noah’s Flood.  

So...why do they believe this?

If you look at Genesis 1:28, the passage that occurs before the command to eat only vegetation, you find something intriguing:

“And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Now, in Hebrew, the terms for “subdue” and “have dominion“ are pretty savage. As the Hebrew scholar Ben S states:

“But the reality is, in Hebrew these verbs are shockingly harsh, even militant with a connotation of violent force.”

Ben S made a video on the subject. In it, he also points out that the Hebrew word for subdue (Kabas) is used 13 other times in the Hebrew Bible, and in 6 of these it is used for war conquest. 5 other uses of the word denote enslavement. Both of these uses fit, for the Hebrew word itself means “to subdue, overcome, enslave.”. In Esther 7:8 it is used in the following way:

“And the king returned from the palace garden to the place where they were drinking wine, as Haman was falling on the couch where Esther was. And the king said, “Will he even assault the queen in my presence, in my own house?” As the word left the mouth of the king, they covered Haman’s face.”

 In the previous verse, Haman is begging Esther for his life. Since he is falling on the couch where Esther was, it’s quite possible that he is still pleading for his life, only for his actions to be mistaken by the King as an assault. Others think he was actually attacking her, and some believe that a rape is occurring here (remember this point).

Mica 7:19 uses it to show how God will “tread our iniquities underfoot.”

The other Hebrew verb used here, translated as “dominion” or “rule” in Genesis 1:26 and 28 (“Rada” or “Radah”) is, according to those who believe this theory, not meant to convey the idea of a person ruling over his own people unless he’s doing so in a negative manner. The term is not meant to show bureaucratic of administrative ideas, but simply rule. By itself it can convey injustice and harshness. Robert Alter, a Professor of Hebrew at Berkley University, wrote about this in his commentary on the passage:

“The Verb radah is not the normal Hebrew verb for “rule” (the latter is reflected in “dominion” of verse 16), and in most of the contexts in which it occurs it seems to suggest an absolute or even fierce exercise of mastery.”

Though Robert Alter doesn’t agree that humans were originally allowed to eat meat (as can be seen in his commentary on Genesis 9:2-4 in his Pentateuch Translation), he nevertheless agrees that Radah has a negative power connotation.

Its interesting to note that we see a similar use of violent language in relation to man’s dominion over animals in Genesis 9:2:

 “The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon every bird of the heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea. Into your hand they are delivered.”

 “Into your hand they are delivered” is definitely military-style combat language (compare with Joshua 10:8, Judges 3:8, 7:9,  2 Samuel 5:19, 1 Chronicles 14:10,  Psalm 31:15, Jeremiah 46:26).

Another reason why these scholars believe that humans ate meat before the Flood is the similarity between Genesis 9:2-4 and other dietary laws in the bible that share the same structure. These latter laws state that the Hebrews could eat certain animals, but then give restrictions, saying that there are animals they cannot eat (Leviticus 11:1-12, Deuteronomy 14:6-12). They were already allowed to eat meat, but God, through Moses’ command, was giving them restrictions that mankind never had before. A similar restriction is found in Genesis 9:4;

“But you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood.”

Both Genesis 9:2-4 and the later dietary law passages in Leviticus and Deuteronomy are using the same Hebraic prohibitive formula. Therefore, just as the Mosaic dietary laws were about eating meat, something that they were already allowed to do, so Genesis 9:2-4 is likewise about meat eating which, according to the theory, is something they were already allowed to do. Only the restrictions were new. The fact that Genesis 9:2-4 shares the same Hebraic prohibitive formula with these later dietary laws is seen as evidence that mankind ate meat before the Flood. 

Combined with Genesis 1:28-30, it leads people who hold to this theory to conclude that humans ate meat form the beginning. 

 One is left with conclusions that goes far beyond Adam and Eve hunting game.

 Mankind was not meant to be nature’s stewards.

We were meant to be its conquerors and dictators.

We were meant to master and crush nature under our sandals.

  Such an idea finds some similarities with how the ancient Greeks viewed nature. Indeed, the mark of a great hero in Greek myth was the ability to dominate nature. Hercules’ 12 labors were the biggest examples of this belief. Nature wasn’t seen in a positive light.  As David George, professor of Classics at Saint Anselm College, once stated (Edited version):

“The ancient Greeks viewed nature as a scary place. They wanted to live in harmony with nature, but nature was a (insert cuss word that rhymes with “witch” here) that if you didn’t watch would kill you, and that was their view. They did not have a romantic view of nature.”

Were the Hebrews the same way?

One would think that they would have had a somewhat similar view of nature to the Greeks. Indeed, we see echoes of this in the stories of Samson and David, both of whom killed wild animals (David killed a lion and a bear with his weapons (1 Samuel 17:34-37) while Samson tore a lion to pieces with nothing more than his bare hands (Judges 14:5-7). Jesus himself calmed a storm (Matthew 8:23-27). All of these would be examples of great heroes overcoming nature, bending it to their will.

Given this, is Genesis really teaching that we are to be stern conquerors of the animal kingdom? That we are not to be nature’s stewards? That we are to rape the earth the way Haman supposedly tried to rape Esther?

I can almost hear someone who takes this idea to the extreme:

“Don’t worry about Giant Pandas, we’re not to administer them; we’re to rule, and if they die out, too bad! If they get in our way of building a shopping mall, too bad! Casualties in war! Our world! Our world! Our world!”

Or perhaps...

“God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, “Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.” (this second statement was actually said by the conservative media pundit Anne Coulter).

But is this theory right?

Did Adam and Eve hunt?

Did they eat meat?

Is man not to be nature’s stewards, not to take care of the animals and the earth?

Well…not quite... 

 1. If humans are supposed to hunt and kill animals for food…why does God only allow Adam to eat fruit in the Garden of Eden?

Genesis 2:15-17 states:

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

If Adam was supposed to be the ultimate forbear of a species intended to cause mass worldwide bloodshed of animal life in order to eat them…why isn’t he given a spear (or told to make one) and commanded to hunt in Genesis 2 or even 3? Why is he seemingly allowed only to eat fruit in the Garden? If Genesis 1:28 is really speaking of humans hunting animals, and since that passage occurs before the vegetarian dietary laws in the next two verses, don’t you think that Adam would have been both initially and primarily a hunter, instead of a garden worker? Don’t you think that he would be shown to hunt in Genesis 2 or 3, if he was commanded to hunt and kill animals in Genesis 1:28? Course, the command of Genesis 1:28, if you look at it closely, had to occur after Eve was made (a man and a woman are in the passage. See verse 27), but even after Eve IS made...they are not shown to be hunting game. They are not shown to make spears or chase after animals. They are shown tending a garden, and the dietary law of Genesis 2:15-17 is still in play (Genesis 3:2-3). Thus, we’re back to square 1. 

Now, some may protest, saying that if we went this far, then the Israelites only ate meat, as the dietary laws in places like Leviticus 11 only mention meat. However, not only do the contexts of those passages indicate that meat consumption alone was being restricted, not all forms of food, but we also have evidence that vegetation was also eaten by the Israelites (check out the menu for the Passover meal, for example (Exodus 12). We also have to remember that meat was not a common food item in the ancient world. Animals were more valuable as providers of wool, milk and cheese and hair than meat. If an animal died or was sacrificed, then its fair game, but otherwise, it was better to let livestock live a long time and provide milk and other goodies instead of killing it solely for meat. Indeed, this way of thinking about livestock continued into later times, such as the Dark Ages.

One could also make the objection that just because God said that Adam was to eat fruit in the Garden doesn’t mean that he wasn’t allowed to eat other things. After all, if your father told you as a kid “you can eat cookies, but don’t eat my oatmeal cookies, or you’re so grounded!”, this doesn’t mean that you have to eat only cookies and no other food item in the house. Some people may also object by stating that the fruit restriction doesn’t mean that Adam couldn’t have a wider menu if he occasionally left the Garden (the dietary laws of Genesis 1:29-30 are far less strict that the dietary law of Genesis 2:16-17). If This strictness may have been due to the spiritual significance of the garden (when Adam was assigned Garden duty in Genesis 2:15, priestly instead of royal terms are used. Later Israelite priests maintained the status of sacred spaces). Plus, the Garden of Eden has many similarities to ancient palace gardens, which were in turn quite similar to modern public parks. There would have been paths among both shade and fruit trees, watercourses, pools and landscaping. Sometimes these gardens had many different kinds of animals put in them, just like the Garden of Eden. It would not have been very likely for a gardener in such a palace garden to hunt animals that a king or queen put there to make it look more exotic, but they could kill pests inside it, as well as hunt outside the palace garden. Why not here in Genesis? Admittedly, these are all good points, but we have no indication from the text that Adam ate anything else while in the Garden, or went outside of it until after the Fall. Still, these are possibilities. However, even if some of these ideas were the case, it doesn’t therefore show that Adam and Eve therefore ate meat (Just because they may have been allowed to eat more outside the Garden doesn’t mean that they hunted and ate meat if they did venture outside it before the Fall. Just because some gardeners would have hunted outside a garden doesn’t mean that Adam and Eve did likewise). Also, we see a very peaceful setting and atmosphere conveyed in these passages, which clashes with the interpretation of Genesis 1:26-28 as a command to do to the natural world what Ronda Rousey did to Miesha Tate (see image below).

 Plus, even if God did command humans to eat meat and storm the earth in Genesis 1:28, don’t you think it’s kind of odd that Adam is not portrayed here as doing so? Isn’t it odd that he is not seemingly obeying God’s commandment?  He’s not shown to be God’s huntsman, but his gardener.  

 2. If Adam and Eve are supposed to go total blitzkrieg on the animal kingdom…why don’t they do so in Genesis 2 and 3?

Here is Adam, the first man ever made, the one whom God told to “subdue” and “have dominion” over the animals, the one whom God supposedly told to conquer the animal kingdom in a military fashion, the man who’s going to spear any critter he sees fit, the one whose going to unleash bloodshed against his animal enemies, and what does he do?

He…tends a garden (Genesis 2:15).

That doesn’t sound like a prehistoric version of Ernest Hemingway.

Oh, but of course, when he encounters animals for the first time, he’ll conquer them in a great hunt, sparring and slashing them until the Garden of Eden flows red with blood! That’s what he does next…right?

Um, no…he names the animals instead.

If he was supposed to be hunting and slaughtering animals for food, shouldn’t he be shown to be going outside the Garden to do so?

Indeed, God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, that he would make a helper for him (Genesis 2:18).  God brings animals to him (Genesis 2:19). Adam named them all, yet found none that would be a “suitable helper” for him (Gen 2:19-20).

If animals were the “enemy”, the creatures he was going to enslave, kill or exterminate…why were they being described as “potential helpers”?

Remember, it’s not like only livestock animals are being brought to him; wild animals are as well (Genesis 2:19-20).

Indeed, names were thought to have power, and to name someone or something could signify power over them. God changed Abram and Sarai’s names to Abraham and Sarah (Genesis 17:5), changed Jacob’s name to Israel (Gem 32:22-30) and, after making him King of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar renamed Mattaniah “Zedekiah” (2 Kings 24:15-17). Name changing was a way to exert authority over an individual, but one could show their mastery over another by giving them a name, period. Adam did just that for the animals (though its possible that he actually renamed them; angels no doubt studied animals and had their own names for these creatures in their tongue). Heck, why do parents name their children when they are born? Because that is their child. If you name a child after she or he is born, it’s a good bet that it is your child, and ancient parents named their children like modern parents do.

Thus, Adam is exercising his “cruel, horrifying no-prisoners” worldwide dictatorship over the poor animals…by giving them names.

Repeat, by giving them…names.

He’s establishing his dominion without throwing a single javelin in order to assert his authority over the beasts.

Well, this has to change when God creates Eve, right? I mean, maybe Eve is the real hunter and Adam is the gatherer (the total opposite of prehistoric homo sapiens culture). That has to be it! Score for Women’s Lib, right?

Um…she’s never shown to be a hunter, either (see also chapters 3 and 4).

Indeed, she helps him tend the Garden.

Oh yeah, they’re really big game hunters.

Now, some may say “So what? Hunting and meat eating are mentioned in Genesis 9:2-4, and yet Noah isn’t shown to be hunting, but tending a vineyard (Genesis 9:20). Well, if one ascribes to the theory that Genesis 1:28 is also about meat eating, then we have a problem, because, if that is the case, then it is a command, while Genesis 9:2-4 is an allowance. Noah wasn’t commanded to hunt and kill; he was given permission. This doesn’t mean that he would. Meanwhile, Adam and Eve, who were supposedly told by God to hunt and kill animals...are tending a garden, eating fruit.

Some may say “Well, just because Noah isn’t shown to hunt, doesn’t mean that he never did so. It can be the same for Adam and Eve!” 

Well, this kind of objection was already answered earlier, but let’s give it again with different details. The objection above obviously goes against the peaceful setting conveyed in Genesis 1-2. One doesn’t get that peaceful vibe in the world after the Flood. Its nowhere near as idyllic, and if you read the passage about Noah in full, you’ll see that sin is in the picture, while sin doesn’t enter Adam and Eve’s story until the serpent arrives. Before then, its a peaceful existence of tending a garden, a peaceful existence between God and man and between man and beast. 

Once again...If Adam and Eve are commanded by God to hunt and kill in Genesis 1:28...why are they not shown to be doing so?

 3. If mankind is not to be nature’s steward but its strict, harsh master and conqueror, If mankind can ravage the earth…why aren’t Adam and Eve shown to be doing so in the passage?

There is a big difference between destroying a rain forest, draining the Aral Sea, causing climate change and…tending a Garden. 

How is tending a Garden showing God-approved environmental negligence? We don’t even see God telling Adam and Eve to spread the Garden over the whole earth and destroy ecosystems while doing so.

No, they are just tending a Garden.

Doesn’t that speak volumes to you about the idea that mankind is supposed to rape the natural world, like Haman was supposed to have raped Esther?

Indeed, God himself commanded the Israelites to have a Sabbath year in Leviticus 25:1-7. After every 6 years, the Israelites were to let their land rest from farming for a single year. Though there were religious reasons for this (the sabbath day of rest), there was also an environmental reason as well. You see, irrigation can lead to salinization of the soil. If its done for too long, the soil can become too salty for farming use.  Many Mesopotamian farmlands were abandoned because irrigation made them fallow. By instituting the Sabbath year (as well as the year of Jubilee, which was a year of rest that occurred 1 every 50 years), the environment could be kept secure for farming. In other words, it kept the Israelites from polluting the ground.

Does that sound like “The Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It’s yours.” theology?

This isn’t humans destroying the environment in order to establish their God-given right to exercise harsh rule over the earth.

This is God commanding Israel to take care of the land he was to give them, a land that HE would always be the ultimate owner of, with the Israelites his subjects (Leviticus 25:23).

This is nature stewardship.

Just like Adam and Eve, who were also made in God’s image (more on that later) and who seemed to represent God in a priestly function, tended a garden as his stewards.

And yet…Genesis 1:28 teaches that we are not to be nature’s stewards????

I don’t think so, Tim.

Indeed, if Adam and Eve were supposed to go gung-ho on animals, and the Israelites knew the story of Adam and Eve well, then why weren’t they going gung-ho on the animals in the land flowing with milk and honey, mass slaughtering critters like the Khans of the Mongol Empire did? Do we read anywhere in scripture where the Israelites exterminated wildlife, or wiped out bears and lions? These latter two animals were well feared competitors (Bears in particular were more feared than lions (Amos 5:19), and if any animals were to be slaughtered by humans bent on the conquest of the animal kingdom, one would think it would be these animals. Heck, one might expect the to wipe them out! And yet, lions didn’t disappear from the Holy Land until the 13 century AD, and brown bears didn’t vanish from the Holy Land until right before WW2. This doesn’t mean that Israelites didn’t kill these animals occasionally (1 Samuel 17:34-37), or that they didn’t hunt down and kill individual lions or bears that were known to have killed a human being (Genesis 9:5-6), but they nevertheless allowed these animals to exist in the land. Some may object, saying that often the Israelites weren’t following God and thus might not have attempted to exterminate certain animals then. However, the Israelites were also often devout, going through cycles of wickedness and then repentance (as the books of Judges, 1 and 2 Kings and 1 and 2 Chronicles show). Indeed, before they were to enter the land, they were not told to exterminate bears and lions, but Canaanites and other inhabitants (though that language was actually hyperbolic, not intended as a literal genocide. See “Is God a Moral Monster” by Paul Copan, pages 158-85). We never see God or any of his prophets condemning Israel for continuing to allow bears, lions, wolves, hyenas, honey badgers, etc to exist, never see them criticizing the Israelites for their seeming “live and let live” mentality.

After all, if Genesis 1:28 is military language, and if lions and bears were raiding livestock and at times killing people, wouldn’t they be a military threat to be engaged with by utmost force? Shouldn’t they have been slaughtered if not rendered extinct by men who should have been the Hebraic equivalents of Nimrod, who was called “a mighty hunter before the Lord” (Gen 10:9)?

Um, guess not.

  3. If the similarity between Genesis 9:2-4 to the later Mosaic dietary laws of Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14 means that humans were eating meat with God’s approval long before the Flood, then Adam was eating from the Tree of Life before the Fall!

 Did you notice what Genesis 2:15-16 stated?

Let’s look at it again:

“The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

Do you notice how similar that statement is to the dietary laws of Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14? How similar it is to Genesis 9:2-4?

All of them have the same Hebraic prohibitive formula, stating what people can eat and then giving a restriction.

In this case, the restriction is the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

However, every other fruit tree is fair game…including the Tree of Life.

Keep in mind, Adam had just been created and then taken to the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:7-8). He had not eaten anything before this happened.

And yet if we go by the reasoning of those who follow the theory about animals dying before the Fall…then we would have to conclude that Adam had somehow eaten of several fruit trees, including the Tree of Life, before he got to the Garden of Eden!

Sound’s as likely as a Hippo singing “It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones.

Or Hillary Clinton wearing a MAGA hat...

This is especially the case, considering that the fruit of the Tree of Life gave one immortality, and God didn’t want Adam and Eve to partake of that fruit and live forever after the Fall (Genesis 4:22). That’s why he put a flaming sword and two Cherubim angels (which were depicted in ancient art often as winged human-headed bulls or winged sphinxes) to guard the Tree of life (see verse 24). This is a BIG indicator that neither Adam or Eve ever ate from that tree (it was one of those “get around to it” kind of things I guess). Adam never ate it, either before he reached the Garden of Eden, nor after he got there. Indeed, the text shows no great amount of time between his creation and his entrance into the Garden, and no indication that he got even a small snack before his journey to Eden.

This totally debunks the notion that the Hebraic prohibitive formula of Genesis 9:2-4 indicates that humans ate meat before the flood.

  4. If Genesis 1:28 and 9:2-4 show that mankind was allowed to eat meat, then why don’t most biblical scholars recognize this?

One article that serves as a major basis for the idea that animal death occurred before the Fall is “Death and the Garden: An Examination of Original Immortality, Vegetarianism, and Animal Peace in the Hebrew Bible and Mesopotamia” by Joshua John Van Ee. His thesis is very revealing, yet in a way that people who accept the theory of animal death before the Fall might not realize.

On the 250th page of his thesis, he states:

“Nevertheless, if 9:3 is a clarification, what is the purpose for the

comparison with plants? Doesn't it imply that meat-eating is new, that plants

were given first in Gen 1 and meat later in Gen 9? Most commentators

assume such a temporal element in verse 3: "As (I previously gave you) green

plants, I (now) give you all (animals)." This assumption needs to be

questioned.

‘A few commentators confront this majority opinion but with limited

success. “

In other words, his view is not in agreement with the consensus view among biblical scholars on this issue.

This alone should have use question any claims that the Hebrew syntax in the Genesis dietary passages shows that meat eating was allowed at the beginning. If this was the case…then why don’t most biblical scholars know it? Are most of them ignorant of the Hebrew texts? Do most not even know Hebrew?

  5. Genesis 9:24 makes no sense if meat eating was allowed (Or allowed a lot) before the Flood.

Let’s look at it again:

“The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon every bird of the heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea. Into your hand they are delivered. Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything. But you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood.”

 Notice how it says “The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon every bird of the heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish of the sea”?

Why are the animals so scared?

“Into your hand they are delivered. Every moving thins that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave the green plants, I give you everything.”

Sounds pretty straightforward, if man was only allowed to eat plants before then (or ate far less meat than in later human history. Keep reading…)

Look at verse 4 again.

 “But you shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood.”

If we conclude that meat eating was allowed in abundance before the Flood, then why would animals be spooked about being drained of blood first before being eaten?

Um, I’m telling you right now; if a bear is chasing me, I’m not going to need a new clean pair of shorts because it intends to drain my body of blood before it eats me.

I’m going to need a new clean pair of shorts because the bear intends to eat me, period.

Maybe the next passage can help enlighten things? Let’s look at Genesis 9:5;

 “And for your lifeblood I will require a reckoning: from every beast I will require it and from man. From his fellow man I will require a reckoning for the life of man.”

 Well, that’s one extra reason why animals would fear man, but if you look at 9:2-4 and then 5, you can see that the reason animals will be afraid of man…is because humans will be hunting them. That’s the reason why the fear and dread of humans will be upon the animals.

Notice, the passage doesn’t state “The fear and dread of you has been on the animals.” Instead, it states it will be on them. This denotes a future event.

If humans were not only hunting animals at the beginning of history, but hunting them with a savage zeal fit enough for militaristic Hebrew verbs…then why are animals only afraid of us after the Flood?

Now, to be fair, one can imagine animals having some fear of man before the Flood (especially during the violence of the pre-flood era), but…this amount of fear? If animals feared humans before the Flood, they certainly fear humans even more after it. It sounds like something seriously has changed, that something frightening has emerged in humanity that will scare critters silly.

Something like…eating meat?

Or perhaps…eating a lot more meat (keep reading).

  6. If Radah does not convey bureaucratic or administrative duties, then why is it translated as “officials” twice in scripture?

1 Kings 9:10-28 records Solomon’s many building projects, including the Jewish Temple. Solomon did conscript non-Israelites to work on his projects, but notice what it states in verses 22-23:

“But Solomon did not make slaves of any of the Israelites; they were his fighting men, his government officials, his officers, his captains, and the commanders of his chariots and charioteers. They were also the chief officials in charge of Solomon's projects--550 officials supervising those who did the work.”

And do you know what Hebrew word is translated as “officials”?

Radah.

Now, at first, this idea seems to support the idea of cruel overlordship of animals and the natural world, because the language here is one of slavery, thus cruelty and oppression(and remember, Remember, Radah is not supposed to have bureaucratic or administrative aspects, like what we would associate with a steward. It’s supposed to have negative connotations). Indeed, slaves were considered property like livestock…right? However, not only were Israelite slave laws far more humane than those of their surrounding cultures, the word “Radah” here is being used for…officials.

What do officials do?

What are they doing in the passage?

They are supervising the slaves.

How does one define “supervisor”?

Merriam-Webster gives us a hint:

“one that supervises especially: an administrative officer in charge of a business, government, or school unit or operation”

What is the definition of Bureaucracy?

“a body of nonelected government officials”

And what is a bureaucrat?

“a member of a bureaucracy”

These slave officials were supervisors, doing administrative duties, and, not being elected (they were chosen by King Solomon), are bureaucrats.

And yet the Hebrew word Radah doesn’t have administrative or bureaucratic aspects?

BTW: this same story is repeated in 2 Chronicles chapter 8. Those same officials are mentioned in verse 10.

Radah is likewise used.

Thus, Radah can have administrative and bureaucratic aspects.

  5. Just because violent language is used in Genesis 1:28 doesn’t mean that humans were killing or eating animals.

 There was a movie back in the 80’s called “D.A.R.Y.L.”, about a boy who has a computer for a brain. After he is adopted, his new father (who coaches a little league team) sees if his new son can play baseball. Daryl, who has never played baseball before, hits the ball every time. Each hit is a home run. The Father then has Daryl and another boy named Turtle to come over to him, where he says that Daryl will be his secret weapon. When Turtle mentions the name of a team they will soon play against (the Warriors), Daryl’s father says “We’re going to murder them!”

Haven’t we heard many coaches in real life say something like that? Haven’t we said after a seriously 1-sided game that “That was a slaughter!”?  Haven’t we heard players say “We’re going to war!”? Back in the 80’s, my older brother Justin played a high school football game against a team whose players were HUGE. They were on average much larger than the Liberty Panthers (My brother’s team).  After some excruciating plays my brother say down next to another player who was injured. He looked at my brother and said “Medic!”

Medics are used in military combat, right?

And how many times have we heard statements like “The War on Poverty”, or “The War on Science”, or the “War on Christmas”, or the “War on Christian values”, or the “War on obesity”?

Do any of these “wars” involve tanks, missiles, fighter jets and battlecruisers?

Did they involve guns, knives and hand to hand combat?

What about “Price wars”? Are those armed conflicts?

What about the “Monday Night Wars” between WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) and the now defunct WCW (World Championship Wrestling)? That was a “ratings war” between these wrestling companies that centered on their Monday night shows (WCW had “Monday Nitro” while WWE had “Monday Night RAW”). Both aired at the same time, competing against each other for viewers. On one occasion, DX (Degeneration X), a wrestling stable or team that was led by the famed wrestler Triple H, dressed up in military clothing and rode a “Tank” toward the stadium where WCW was having a Monday Nitro event. 

DX even had bullets and guns! Obviously, THIS was a war, right?

Um, sorry, it wasn’t.

Notice how many times we use pretty violent language today, for things that are not violent at all? Even pro wrestling isn’t real fighting, but choreographed. None of these “wars” were real wars. None of these games had military-style violence and KIAs.

Why wouldn’t the ancient world be any different?

Indeed, it wasn’t different.

Consider, for example, Psalm 74:13-17:

 “You divided the sea by your might; you broke the heads of the sea monsters on the waters. You crushed the heads of Leviathan; you gave him as food for the creatures of the wilderness. You split open springs and brooks; you dried up ever-flowing streams. Yours is the day, yours also the night; you have established the heavenly lights and the sun. You have fixed all the boundaries of the earth; you have made summer and winter.”

 If you know ancient near eastern literature, you can understand right away what is going on here. Leviathan was known in the ancient city of Ugarit as “Litan” or “Litanu”, and like the Hebrews, they thought it was also multi-headed (specifically 7 heads). In Ugaritic literature, it is depicted as the personification of the sea, as well as the god of the sea (similar to how the goddess Nyx or Night was the personification of the night as well as a goddess of the night in Greek myth). It was viewed as being overcome by the Canaanite god Baal. Likewise, the ancient near east was home to creation myths that dealt with violence, with gods battling dragons. Marduk, Babylon’s chief god, battled the sea dragon Tiamat in the Enuma Elish. After he killed her, Marduk used her body to make the earth. Dragons served as chaos language, representing the forces of watery chaos at the beginning of creation, and the biblical writers did the same thing here. However, unlike their pagan neighbors, they were doing so only in a figurative sense, not being literal. The reason for this is that there is no violence in the Biblical creation tale (Genesis 1-2). Leviathan is used as a metaphorical personification of the sea. Whenever the Biblical authors wrote of Leviathan, they were most often using it as a metaphor for the sea, or the watery chaos that God controlled or subdued in Genesis 1.  

 In other words, they were using violent language to describe a non-violent event.

 Just like we do today.

 Here are some other biblical examples:

 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10:3-5

 "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Eph 6:11-17

 “In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Rom 8:37

 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Matt 10:34 (see also verses 35-37)

 True, Genesis 9:2-4 also has violent language, and it does refer to eating meat, but the context of that passage (especially when combined with numerous later passages that describe hunters and meat eating) indicates humans hunting animals, while the context of Genesis 1:28-30 (when compared to chapters 2 and 3) does not. Indeed, Genesis 9:2-4 doesn’t mean that we are to treat animals the way the Israelites treated Philistines in warfare; it means they are to be hunted. The term “into your hand they are delivered” could be used poetically or perhaps in a hyperbolic fashion, or the term may have been used by the Israelites in other contexts other than warfare (and thus wouldn’t be military-style combat language). 

Course, the peaceful setting of Genesis 1-2 could potentially allow some level of violence (including human “violence” towards some animals, though not hunting-level violence). 

Indeed, as we will see...it actually does (keep reading...). 

  6. The fact that we are made in the image of God means that we are stewards of the earth.

 What does “Image of God mean”?

What did God mean when he said “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…” (Genesis 1:26)?

In the ancient near east, kings were often said to be the image of a certain god, and therefore they had a divine right to rule. They claimed to represent a god to the people. Why did they have this belief? Because these kings were often also high priests (sound familiar? Gen 14:18, Hebrews 5:10, all of chapter 7, and Rev 19:16), and were thus thought of as having a connection with the divine. There was even a Sumerian proverb at the time that stated “Man is the shadow of god, but the king is god’s reflection.”  

A king was to rule his people, not exterminate or hunt them for food. He was to take care of them, not wipe them out so he can build a strip mall. He is to rule the people, not having any of them killed unless it is necessary (such as a murderer who is to be executed). And the King ruled as a representative of divine authority, the true power behind his throne. He was subservient to the god as the people were to him. The god was the one who truly had absolute authority, the king being his steward.

And what is a steward?

A person hired to run a household or estate.

As stewards represented their authority of the head of the household, so did ancient near eastern kings represent the authority of their gods.

Likewise, man is made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26), and we are to have dominion over the animals (Genesis 1:26-28).

This stewardship is likewise seen in the Israelites relationship to the land. As mentioned previously, though God gave Israelites the land, he let them know that it belonged to him, and that they were to take care of it, not destroy it (Leviticus 25:23-25).

We are indeed to be stewards of the earth, not its demolishers.  

 The idea that mankind was initially to have a blood-fest, and that we were not to take care of the earth and its animals, is thoroughly debunked by the Biblical, linguistic and cultural/historical background evidence that shows otherwise. Mankind is to be God’s steward, ruling with his authority, ruling as kings and queens of the earth, his representatives to nature. We are to run the earth in the name of the Lord, and the animals are our subjects. True, military-style language is used in Genesis 9:2-4 with animals being delivered into human hands, but this doesn’t mean that humans are to wipe out animal species (remember Noah’s Ark?) or destroy the Biosphere, only that human diet was going to change. This is fact, not fantasy.

Just as it Is fact that humans didn’t eat meat until after the Flood, right?

Um…not so fast. 

For one, did you notice that sea animals are not listed in the dietary laws of Genesis 1:29-30? The beast of the field, the birds of the air, the creeping thing, everything that has the breath of life is given vegetation for food. And yet…sea life is not mentioned in the dietary law. Their creation is mentioned earlier (verses 20-21), as well as humanity’s dominion over them (verse 26), but they are not mentioned in verses 29-30 as being given vegetation to eat.

This begs the question…what were they eating?

They have to be eating something.

One could therefore be open to the possibility that some marine animals were eating meat.

And where does God allow mankind to eat salt (a mineral) or cheese in these passages? Does God’s food laws here forbid humans from eating these things, or are they not as strict as they seem? God never tells Noah “You can now eat cheese and salt”, and yet these things were eaten later. Most likely, they were probably eaten before the Flood as well. 

Another thing we have to remember about Genesis chapter 1 is that God telling people about creation in a way they can understand, and this can be key to understanding the dietary laws of Genesis 1:29-30.

For example; have you ever wondered why light appears on day 1, while the sun appears on day 4 (compare Genesis 1:3-5 to verses 14-19)? Have you ever wondered why there were evenings and mornings without a sun for 3 days until the sun was created? This may come as a shock to you, but…the ancients didn’t believe that all daylight came from the sun. Repeat; they didn’t believe that all daylight came from the sun. Why is this? Because they didn’t have modern science; they lived in the ancient world, while at the same time understanding their universe through their own observations and culture. And considering their ignorance of modern science, it’s easy to understand why they thought that not all daylight came form the sun; there is some daylight in the morning before sunrise, and some shortly after sunset. Even total eclipses don’t remove all sunlight. Likewise, whenever a cloud that blocked the sun, or indeed an overcast, sunlight was still there. Thus, the ancients didn’t think that all daylight came from the sun, and thus wouldn’t have a problem with the idea of mornings, evenings and light before the sun was made.

Now, to be fair, some point out that the verb and tense usage in the passage on day four, when compared to Genesis 1:1, indicates that the sun and moon came into view, and thus were previously created. Thus, they could have been made in any of the earlier days, if not before. However, the text doesn’t state what day that occurred. It could have been day 1, day 2, day 3…we just don’t know. One can lean on this factor for an old earth interpretation of the Genesis creation story, but the startling truth remains that if the sun had been made on day 2 , 3 or 4 (after the first day, when evening, morning and light first appear), the Israelites wouldn’t have had a problem, and the ambiguity of the text leaves open the possibility that the sun and moon were still made after the 1rst day.  

Likewise, the ancient Israelites also thought the moon glowed, not simply reflecting sunlight (it’s called “the Lesser light” in the passage).

Also, have you ever looked closely at Genesis 1:6-9?

 “And God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” And God made the expanse and separated the waters that were under the expanse from the waters that were above the expanse. And it was so. And God called the expanse Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, the second day. And God said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.” And it was so.”

 Why is the sky called an “expanse” (in some translations a “vault”), and why is water being described as both above it and below it?

Because the ancients believed that there was an ocean above as well as below the sky.

They also though it was solid, not gaseous like the air below it.

This upper ocean was thought to be where rainwater came from, courtesy of the “floodgates” or the “Windows of Heaven” in the expanse that at times opened to let it through (Genesis 7:11, 8:2).

This was the view of not only of both ancient Jewish and pagan writers, but the early Church fathers as well.  

Now, we know that all daylight actually comes from the Sun, that the Moon doesn’t glow, that the sky is not solid or blocking a celestial ocean, and that it doesn’t have windows that let’s rainwater come down. Nevertheless, these things were written into the creation account of Genesis, by a God who knew how the universe was not like that.

Why?

Probably because God was talking to ancient humans in a way they could understand, just as you’d talk to a child in a way they could understand. For example, if a child asks you where babies come from, would you give them explicit sexual details? Of course not! No, instead you might say “They come from God.” Its not an inaccurate thing to say, for though we understand the science behind conception, we also understand that its ultimately God’s will if a conception occurs (Genesis 30:1-2), though the explanation leaves out the scientific facts. Thus, you are telling them about their origin in a way that they can understand, in a way that won’t go over their heads (and scar them for life!). You may instead decide to tell them about the stork (which, curiously enough, has sexual imagery, which a child wouldn’t get...until they grow up and understand it, probably with shock like I did. This will be the subject of a later article).  Likewise, God was talking to the ancients about creation in a way that they could understand, getting down to their level. He wasn’t giving a science or history lesson; he was telling the ancients about creation in a way they could get. He was telling the ancients about himself, his relation to creation and to man, as well as man’s role in creation.

So, if God wasn’t intending for Genesis 1 to be scientific…shouldn’t we think twice before considering it as literal history as well? Shouldn’t we instead look for the deeper meanings being conveyed in the passage, like we do with the Book of Revelation? Shouldn’t we instead read between the lines?

If Genesis 1 mentions glowing moons, a hard firmament and potentially daylight that came from sources other than the Sun…then why would we believe that all animals and humans, at one point, were entirely herbivorous?

Another thing we need to remember is the poetic language. Unlike the rest of Genesis, Genesis 1 isn’t narrative in form, but poetic. Given this, we need to consider that the idea of man and animals eating only plants in Genesis 1:28-30 may not be meant to be taken literally. Indeed, it could be hyperbolic, to reflect the fact that not only did humans eat far more vegetables and fruit than meat in the ancient world, but that there are more herbivorous animals than carnivorous animals, the latter a fact that the ancients could tell by studying nature. If predators outnumbered prey, then soon the former’s food supply would run out and they would face extinction. However, if it’s the opposite, then predators could have a sustainable food source. The ancients could tell by being in the wilderness than prey animals far outnumbered predators. Could this be the reason why humans and animals are said to eat “only” vegetation in the passage? Is this poetic hyperbolic language? Is this why mankind was “allowed” to eat meat in Genesis 9:3-4 and yet animals are never seemingly given this same permission from God in the passage (or anywhere else in scripture)? Maybe the reason why is because they will keep eating like normal…while humans will be eating more (perhaps far more) meat in their diet than normal.

True, Gen 9:2-4 is used in a connective manner to Gen 1:29-30, but this could be comparable to Exodus 20:8-11’s comparison of the Israelite’s work week and sabbath to God’s creation work week and day of rest in Genesis 1. This has been taken by some to mean that both the Israelite work week and the Genesis work week are identical, but those who believe this forget two things; both work weeks involve far different working methods (How many farmers you know that can make crops grow by saying “Let there be crops!”, or bring rain for them by saying “Let there be rain”?), and the creation work week is a cosmic week, a metaphor for a long period of time. We see this in the creation tales of some cultures. The Pit River tribe of Utah, for example, have a creation story that states that the universe was created in 10 “summers” and 10 “winters” (cosmic seasons). Uncle Ramsey, a Pit River tribal elder, revealed that these seasons were meant to convey 10 billion years. The Zuni and Navajo creation stories likewise indicate a truly astonishing old age for the universe, and these stories were circulating long before western science discovered the correct age of the earth and the universe.

 Likewise, the Genesis week is nothing more than a metaphor for eons, for deep time. Thus, in both work and length, God’s work week is not the same as a human work week. Likewise, the dietary law in Genesis 1:29-30 is not going to be on par with Genesis 9:3-4 (indeed, the former doesn’t even follow the same Hebrew prohibitive formula). One can see both, however, being used in a hyperbolic fashion (Hyperbole is found in Hebrew Biblical narratives, particularly with war rhetoric (See “is God a Moral Monster” by Paul Copan mentioned earlier).

Course, this once again brings up a problem; where does the Bible show Adam and Eve eating meat? Where are they shown to be hunting in Genesis? Heck, they’re never shown to be hunters, only gardeners!

Well, if Adam or Eve bit into a fruit that doesn’t need to be peeled (like a cherry or apple)…then they’d be swallowing bacteria that will be on it (bacteria are found on fruit). Thus, whenever they ate such fruit (and fruit that didn’t have to be peeled first did exist in the garden; neither Adam nor Eve are shown to peel the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil), they’d be eating the bacteria with it. If they licked their lips after eating such fruit, they’ll be ingesting bacteria that might have been on their hands. Likewise, if Adam, Eve or later pre-flood humans ever ate moss (some moss is edible), then they would be consuming not only the Moss, but the tardigrades (aka “water bears”) that live on them. These fat microscopic little critters are not bacteria or viruses, but tiny invertebrates that are found all over the world. If you eat moss (such as in a situation involving starvation, or out of just sheer curiosity), you’ll be not only eating moss…you’ll be eating tardigrades. 

But were they eating anything else?

One cannot make Adam and Eve hunters, considering that they are shown to be at peace with the animals.

Well…not all animals.

You notice…no fish are presented by God to Adam as a potential helper…!

You’ll also notice how, though fishing does involve animal death, the act of fishing is far less violent (and generally far less dangerous) than hunting animals. Indeed, fishing is a far, far more peaceful pursuit.  Though Adam is told to eat only fruit in the garden, one could imagine him wading into a river or lake bordering the garden and fishing. One could imagine him eating it outside the Garden. One could imagine fishing continuing after the Fall. One could also imagine hunting being invented later, but it being done rarely. Hence, why animals are afraid after the flood, now that humans will “eat meat” (i.e. hyperbolic indication that they will eat more meat). 

Course, the fishing idea is not proven, and only fruit is mentioned as being food for Adam and Eve in the passage. Then again, however, tardigrades and other microscopic organisms are not listed on the Genesis menu either (the Israelites didn’t know about them), and yet Adam and Eve unknowingly ate at least some of them as well. Indeed, if the Israelites had somehow learned about the existence of tardigrades and bacteria (they didn’t), then they would have classified them as “creeping things”. Thus, they would recognize that Adam and Eve were eating “meat”.

And if they ate those critters, perhaps they ate others, like fish.

However, there is one important biblical objection to consider here:

How can there have been animal death before the Fall when the Fall is what brought death into the world?

At first it seems like the Fall brought death, if we compare Genesis 2:17 and 3:2-4 with 1 Corinthians 15:20-21 and Romans 5:12.

However, if you look at these passages, you’ll see that these verses, along with their context, are relating humans with death, not all living things with death.

Indeed, if Adam and Eve were to die if they ate of the forbidden fruit, at the very moment that they ate it (Genesis 2:17), then why didn’t they immediately die after eating it? Why did they live on after the Garden? Why did Adam go on to live 930 years (Genesis 5:5)?

This sounds more like spiritual death than biological death.

Also, if mankind was originally created to be immortal, and if death didn’t exist until the forbidden fruit was eaten, then why was God worried about Adam and Eve eating the fruit of the tree of life…and becoming immortal? Indeed, why would the Tree of Life even be there, with fruit that could make one immortal, if Adam, Eve and all the animals were already immortal? If one wants to make the argument that they lost their physical immortality the moment they ate the forbidden fruit, and could only get it back again by eating of the Tree of Life, then they need to explain why the Bible doesn’t state that is the case. It seems most likely that they were not made immortal initially, and that the Tree of Life offered immortality, while the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil offered both forbidden knowledge and a loss of innocence.

They chose to eat from the latter.

They chose to learn something that was damaging, chose to disobey God, instead of choosing…life.

Indeed, they chose temporary sin…instead of eternal life.

That’s some rich symbolism right there.

That symbolism wouldn’t be anywhere near as strong if the Tree of Life didn’t offer eternal life before Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, choosing to consume its fruit instead. Indeed, it would be practically non-existent.

Plus, if you notice Genesis 3:22-24, it indicates that Adam and Eve were not immortal, not that they had just lost immortality. They never had immortality to begin with.

Thus, if they had not sinned, but had not eaten of the Tree of Life in the Garden, they would have eventually…died.

Just like the other animals in the world that didn’t have access to the Tree of Life.

Now, some may object, stating that surely a loving God would not allow animals to suffer and die for eons and eons, that God is too good to allow innocent, sinless creatures to suffer from predation, illness and other calamities over billions of years. Surely, God is not like that!

Well, let’s think about that for a minute.

God allowing innocent, sinless animals to die…

Dying so that predators and their offspring could live…

Dying the world over, so that the living world could continue, perhaps even for…ever….

Doesn’t that sound like a Rabbi carpenter that we know?

You know, the “Lamb of God”, the “Lion of the Tribe of Judah”, who died so that those who nailed him to the cross, and every other sinner (whose sins likewise nailed him to that very cross), could truly live forever?

One can understand that, just as God chose some animals (all of which are sinless) to die horribly so that predators and scavengers would be spared starvation, God chose Jesus  (who is likewise sinless, the source of all purity) to die horribly so that sinners (including those who actually killed him) would be spared…damnation.

Just as God chose some animals to die so that life on earth could continue, God chose Jesus his Son to die, so that life could continue into the New Heavens and the New Earth to come.

Just as God chose some animals to die so that life could go on, potentially forever, so did he choose Jesus to die so that we could have everlasting life!

Just as God had innocent animals to be sacrificed in the Old Testament so that the Israelites could be ritually forgiven, so God likewise chose Jesus, King of Innocence, to be sacrificed on Golgotha, so that we could be spiritually forgiven.

We often see similarities between Old Testament and New Testament stories. We call these old testament similarities “typologies”, a sign of things to come in the New Testament.

Why can’t we see the same in nature?

Why can’t we see natural typologies?

God did make nature, and he does teach us things through nature (Romans 1:20), right?

Why can’t we see him using the natural world to teach us about Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God?

Why can’t we even see these eons of innocent death and suffering as pointing towards the innocent death and suffering of Jesus Christ?

 Folks, the Bible teaches that we are to rule the earth as representatives of God. We are to take care of it, not destroy or ravage it. We are to be kings and queens of nature, and animals are to be our subjects, not victims of mass slaughter. We can hunt them and eat them, but we are not to exterminate them from the world.

If God put them here, why should we remove them?

If God didn’t wipe them out in the Flood (remember Noah’s Ark), then why would he want us to wipe them out?

And yet, mankind has eaten other living things besides plants since the beginning. We ate more of the latter after the Great Flood, which is why animals fear us.

As Christians, let us remember to challenge new theological beliefs with study, research and inspection. Let us be ready to dissect such ideas to see if they have any merit, or none at all. Let us be ready to spot unsound doctrine, and let us study the word, know the word, meditate on the word and pray for God’s illumination on his word, so we can better defend God’s word.

 Sources:

“IVP Bible Background Commentary: Old Testament” by John H. Walton, Victor H. Matthews and Mark W. Chavalas, 28-29, 39, 49, 65, 411, 510-11, 540

“Archeological Study Bible” (NIV), 127

“Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible” (NIV, 4-7, 11, 22, 952-54)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h33TyJkzwQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsK1gcCI618&t=683s

“The Hebrew Bible: A Translation with Commentary; The Five Books of Moses” by Robert Alter, 11-12, 32

“Zondervan NIV Exhaustive Concordance: Second Edition” by Edward W. Goodrick and John R, Kohlenberger III, 819, 969, 1104,  3870, 8080.

“Origins” by Paul Copan and Douglas Jacoby, 109-110

“Clash of the Gods” Documentary series, “Hercules” episode.

“Fossil Legends of the First Americans” by Adrienne Mayor, 149-51  

“How it works Book of Incredible History” by April Madden (Editor) and Jon White (Editor-In-Chief), 15

“The Jewish Study Bible” (Jewish Publication Society Tanakh Translation)” by Adele Berlin, Marcf Zvi Brettler (editors) and Michael Fishbane (Consulting Editor), 14  

“Science: Was the Bible Ahead of its Time?” by Ralph O. Muncaster, 22

“Dinosaurs and the Bible” by Ralph O. Muncaster, 28-29

“Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary: Completely Revised, Updated and Expanded” by Chad Brand, Charles Draper and Archie England (General Editors), 177-78, 1042.

https://escholarship.org/content/qt0qm3n0mt/qt0qm3n0mt.pdf?t=o4ho0y

http://www.joeledmundanderson.com/making-sense-of-genesis-1-the-fundamental-biblical-worldview/

“The Time Traveler’s Guide to Medieval England” by Ian Mortimer, 172-73

“Ultimate Encyclopedia of Mythology” by Arthur Cotterell and Rachel Storm, 287, 293, 297, 326

“Smithsonian Institution: Animal” by David Burnie and Don E. Wilson (Editors in Chief), 537.

https://www.mercurynews.com/2017/04/21/what-is-ann-coulter-saying-thats-got-everyone-so-worked-up/

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/supervisor

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bureaucracy

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bureaucrat

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/steward

https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2020/02/what-type-of-bacteria-lives-on-your-fruit-and-vegies/

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/03/130327190542.htm

https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/Genesis_texts.html

https://www.livescience.com/53452-herbivores.html

https://www.primalsurvivor.net/edible-lichen/

https://microcosmos.foldscope.com/?p=17901 

“The Monday Night War: WWE vs. WCW” documentary series

https://www.wwe.com/classics/dx-invasion-wcw-nitro  

https://www.ancient.eu/article/1458/the-nerge-hunting-in-the-mongol-empire/  

https://www.theoi.com/Protogenos/Nyx.html 

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #185 - The Princess Diaries

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: I think so.

Do I remember it: I remember that it exists and that I saw it.

Did I see it in theaters: No

Format: Blu-ray

This film was nominated by @princessofsunnydale for my first Epic Movie (Re)Watch poll, so it only feels right that I should dedicate it to her.

1) I have not watched this film in AT LEAST 10 years. It’s probably closer to 12 or 13 (although I do remember the soundtrack well because I own it). So in a lot of ways this like a first viewing.

2) There’s a nice sense of place which is immediately established around Mia’s home. It helps establish the character of both her and her mother with their eccentricities and charm.

3) Wait? This was produced by Whitney Houston? Huh.

4) Sandra Oh is in this?

Wow, the things you don’t notice as a child.

5) This is very telling of Mia’s experience at high school.

Mia: “Someone sat on me again.”

6) Anne Hathaway as Mia.

Immediately Hathaway is able to show off and incredible honesty when portraying Mia. You see her shyness and clumsiness wonderfully. But she’s not JUST the stereotypical of an awkward teenage girl. You see where Mia is comfortable, where she’s not, and that’s nice. Hathaway plays all facets of Mia’s personality wonderfully well, bringing a wonderful inquisitiveness and hart to what is the strong base of the film.

7) Ugh, this crap.

Queen Clarisse [upon seeing Mia for the first time]: “You look so [pause as she tries to find a compliment for her appearance] young.”

The trope of, “girl who is not traditionally beautiful absolutely NEEDS a makeover so her outer beauty matches her inner beauty,” can die a horrible and painful death. What the heck is wrong with Mia? She wars glasses, she has big hair, and eyebrows which are compared to Brooke Burke’s. What the heck is wrong with Brooke Burke? I’m tired of films making it seem like this isn’t attractive. I think Mia is GORGEOUS even before her transformation.

8) If this line isn’t iconic for my generation I don’t know what is.

(GIFs originally posted by @animations-daily​)

9) I like that Mia loses her shit instead of being like, “Oh, I’m a princess! My life is a fairytale!” She realizes the real world implications of this and the pressure it puts on her.

Mia: “Just in case I’m not enough of a freak already, let’s add a tiara!”

10) According to IMDb:

Mia's cat, Fat Louie, was Anne Hathaway's pet in real-life. Four different cats played the role. One who allowed people to carry it, one who could sit still, another who would jump, and the last one, who sits on the envelope at the end of the movie.

11) Julie Andrews as Queen Clarisse.

Julie Andrews is a legend of cinema and brings the same kind of focus to her role as Queen Clarisse as she would to Mary Poppins. Clarisse is good at being a formal stuck in the mud while also being warm and sympathetic. You can see her heart, the empathy she has, and it is not that much of a stretch for her relationship with Mia to grow into another strong fundamental of this movie. It’s a stand out performance in the film and a nice addition to the veteran actresses’ resumé.

12) Um…what!?

Queen Clarisse: “You have a cousin who’s a Contessa. Formerly known as Bartholomew. Actually we call him Pookie.”

I had to google this to make sure a Contessa is always a woman and they are. And this might not be a big deal NOW but I am pleasantly surprised to see that they referenced the fact Mia has a transgender cousin in a 2001 Disney film (even if there was a pronoun slip).

13) Hector Elizondo as Joe.

Elizondo is director Garry Marshall’s lucky charm and features in nearly all of the director’s films. He’s pretty amazing in this, able to play Joe as someone who is intimidating and professional but WILDLY sympathetic to Mia. You can tell he cares for her and Queen Clarisse deeply even if he’s not showing it in the most massive of ways. It’s quiet but deep and at times very moving. Also he’s a badass.

Lily: “You know you look like Shaft?”

Joe: “Yes.”

14) This is an interesting visual I wish had been explored a bit more. Why is this guy so obsessed with M&M’s?

15) If I haven’t said it before, Mia is pretty cool. She knows cars, art, has a wonderful sense of humor, is a rock climber, and just a wonderfully well rounded/full breathing character.

16) One of the most underrated small characters in this film is Mia’s gym teacher.

Mia [playing soccer]: “I can’t do this, I’m a girl.”

Gym Teacher Harbula: “What am I, a duck!?”

17) I have a fundamental philosophical issue with putting such emphasis on being “proper” and all that crap. Who determines what is “proper” and why is looking a certain way, standing a certain way, and sitting a certain way so much more important than treating people well? I hate that.

18) The relationship Joe has with Clarisse is VERY nice, but according to IMDb:

The on-screen relationship between Queen Clarisse Renaldi (Julie Andrews) and Joseph (Hector Elizondo) was not scripted. The dance scene, and the underlying affection was added by the two. According to Hector Elizondo, "We felt that a romance after fifty was important to tell, and it can be sensual and sexy while keeping your clothes on."

19) Larry Miller as Paolo.

Miller is another frequent collaborator with director Garry Marshall and an incredible character actor, stealing the entire film with his scene as Paolo. Committed absolutely to his character, Miller has a lot of fun in an absolutely hysterical role. I don’t remember most of the fine details of this film but I remember Paolo.

20) The makeover scene - while key and possibly iconic to a lot of people - ties into what I talked about in note #7.

Paolo: “You will be beautiful!”

She already IS beautiful you jerk! Why are glasses ugly? Why is her bushy hair ugly? And of course, this crap!

Queen Clarisse [after Mia’s makeover]: “Better, much better.”

NO! NOT BETTER! DIFFERENT! NOT WORSE, BUT WHY IS THIS BETTER!? IT’S JUST DIFFERENT!

21) Similarly, Lily giving Mia crap for her new look is really crummy behavior from a best friend.

Lily: “Oi. Who destroyed you.”

Lily is a fundamentally bad friend in these moments. She shouldn’t judge Mia for her makeover anymore than Queen Clarisse should judge Mia for her pre-makeover look. Basically: don’t judge people for their appearance, whether they meet traditional standards of beauty or not. Let them look however the heck they want to look.

(GIF originally posted by @marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer)

22) I love this line.

23) One thing I love in films is when they embrace the visual medium. We see Mia talking to Lily, we don’t hear what she says, but we KNOW. We don’t need to hear. The message is: Lily knows everything the audience does now and she’s excited!

24) I kinda get high school bullies, but also not really. Is your self esteem so low that you really need to consistently make other people miserable/get them in trouble to feel better about yourself? For example: why does Mandy Moore so passionately call Mia out for wearing a hat JUST to get her in trouble. Mia is not hurting anyone and if the teacher cared enough he’d have already asked her not to wear it. It’s just stupid.

25) The biggest problem with this film I would say is the pacing. There are a number of scenes - specifically, princess lesson scenes - which are fun but don’t add to any of the characters or plot. They’re a little self indulgent. HOWEVER, they are also the most memorable scenes in the movie so cutting them would be a mistake. So I’m not sure what to say, actually. I’m just going to move on.

26) Wow. These films are so gay (not in a derogatory sense but in an actual homosexual sense).

Paolo [after the press learns Mia is a princess]: “I outed you! So to speak. I don’t mean to imply -”

FYI: I’d be so okay if Mia were gay or bi or anything. I need more representation in my life.

27) Things you don’t pick up on as a child.

Teacher Over PA: “Will the feng shui club please stop rearranging the tables on the front lawn?”

28) This was NOT scripted but instead a mistake made by Anne Hathaway that she rolled with.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

29) Man, Joe just has a ton of great advice.

Joe [after Mia asks if she should quite being a princess]: “No one can really quite being who they are.”

30) According to IMDb:

When Mia accidentally sets the man's arm on fire, the flames were supposed to go out when he puts his arm in the ice bucket, but they didn't. Anne Hathaway panicked and threw the glass of water on it, which was not scripted.

31) Okay, throughout this film and its sequel I find that I am constantly impressed with how supportive the Prime Minister of Genovia is of Mia.

Prime Minister’s Wife [after Mia eats too much of the frozen cream]: “She didn’t realize it was frozen!”

Prime Minister: “Well what should we do?”

Prime Minister’s Wife: “We should do the same!”

[The eat as much frozen cream as Mia and begin to imitate her.]

32) The day out Mia and Clarisse have together is loads of fun. It really shows the development of their relationship and just how deep a connection they have. How Clarisse is able to forget being proper now and then because Mia comes first as her granddaughter. It’s a truly wonderful sequence.

33) Also, major props to the amount of BS-ing Clarisse pulled to get Mia out of trouble with the police. SHE MAKES UP A KNIGHTHOOD ON THE SPOT AND THEY’RE SO FLATTERED THEY LET MIA BE!!! I love that.

34) Oh Mia…

Josh: “I hate phony publicity seekers.”

Don’t fall for that Mia! The guy didn’t even pay attention to Mia before she was a princess and now he’s all over her. Mia’s mom even observes that he was never nice to her! And I know this is a film and this creates conflict, but ugh it just hurts.

35) I DO remember the foot pop! It’s like the thing I remember the most!

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

36) Okay, let’s recap. Mia goes to the beach with a guy who she thinks likes her. Mia is used by the guy to get famous. Mia is harassed and stalked by paparazzi. Mia tries to take shelter in a changing booth. Mandy Moore exposes Mia’s naked body to the paparazzi who again further harass her. AND MIA IS THE ONE IN TROUBLE!?!??!?!?!?!?!

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

The only thing she did wrong was not tell Lily she wouldn’t be on the show. She even told Lily’s brother to make sure she didn’t just ditch him! But no, it’s, “I’m giving up the crown because I messed up.” Forget that!

37) God bless Joe.

Clarisse [about Mia’s being manipulated]: “Why didn’t she have enough common sense to deal with this?”

Joe: “She’s only fifteen.”

38) I just realized how I have yet to talk about how awesome Heather Matarazzo is in this film.

She plays Mia’s best friend Lily with wonderful enthusiasm, stealing a number of great scenes from the film. She’s funny, able to show her vulnerability, makes her honest, and has a wonderful chemistry/relationship with Hathaway/Mia. It’s just another part of what makes the film fun.

39) I really appreciate that Michael is not Nice Guy™. He doesn’t whine about “the friend zone” and he doesn’t go out of his way to make Mia feel guilty for not liking him back. He’s a bit of a tool when she asks him out but he’s hurt in that moment and doesn’t necessarily want to open himself back up. He could go on and on about how he’s always been there for her and Mia’s given him nothing or some bullshit like that. I like it.

40) Get wrecked, Mandy Moore’s character (I don’t remember her name)!

(GIF originally posted by @stydixa)

41) It took me until almost the end to finally put to words that this film isn’t about Mia being pretty or even about her being a princess. It’s about her gaining some agency in her life, a little confidence, and actually taking control of things. That’s WAY more interesting than, “Oh, you were born a princess. Let’s do only princessy things from now on!”

42) Wow, I did not expect something this deep in The Princess Diaries.

Mia’s Father [via letter]: “Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something is more important than fear.”

43) Mia showing up as she does to the ball removes the support of “proper” appearance. She is a mess right now, all she has is her words and her decision to convince these people she should be queen. And she rocks it.

44) Honestly I’m more invested in Joe & Clarisse’s relationship than Mia & Michael’s, but at least she got her foot pop.

The Princess Diaries held up much better than I was expecting. Hathaway is pretty freaking great, as is Julie Andrews, and the film just has this incredible beating heart and message of confidence to it. Sure, it falls victim to some tropes of the genre (the makeover stuff will forever bother me in all movies), but it transcends others (Mia’s boyfriend at the end is not a Nice Guy™). If you don’t have a taste for film’s which wear their hearts on their sleeves, then maybe you should avoid this. But the rest of you? You may find that you like it more than you first expected to.

[somer-joure]

That New DuckTales Episode

Some thoughts, because I am an old woman (in her late twenties) who refuses to learn that cartoons are for kids: 1. I love the style for this show so much. 2. That seagull looked so happy and cute up there on the mast(?) before the shouting started. 3. Donald Duck is basically an over-protective single dad to his nephews and it's precious. 4. Huey, Dewey, and Louie manage to have more character in a minute than they did in one-hundred episodes of the original show. 5. Vulture capitalists oh my gosh. 6. David Tennant isn't Alan Young, but he's perfect for this version of Scrooge. 7. Launchpad's introduction as Scrooge's chauffeur is great and also HELLO THERE, JIGEN, WHAT ARE YOU AND LUPIN DOING HERE? 8. The gag with Huey messing with the radio to play dramatic music while he and the boys talk Scrooge up was actually pretty funny. 9. Donald is one-million percent done with his uncle, as he should be. 10. "Are you still a trillionaire?" *cue peacock* 11. Having Donald and Scrooge shout at each other all the way through their first meeting was great, even if I had to turn the subtitles on to catch a couple of Donald's lines. 12. "Do children still like marbles?" Aha yes I see what you did there. 13. "HOW OLD ARE YOU?" 14. No, seriously. How old is Scrooge supposed to be in this version? If this series takes place in the 2010's and they're still going to dive into his backstory and have him live through the Klondike Gold Rush, as seems to be the case, then that makes him ancient by any standards. 15. There's some nice, classic Donald Duck physical comedy. 16. And so many call backs to classic Disney shorts, Ducks comics, and the original show that manage to be there but not in an obnoxious fan-servicey way. 17. No Duckworth so far, but Beakley seems to be doing his job. I am okay with this. 18. I, for one, welcome the new Webby. 19. No, I really like the new Webby. I've seen a lot of people comparing her to Mabel from Gravity Falls, but apart from the voice and the grappling hook, they're not really all that similar. In fact, if there's any Gravity Falls character Webby is like given her social awkwardness, desparation for friends, obsessiveness, nerdiness, and interest in strange artifacts of mysterious origin, it's Dipper, or maybe a nine-year old Ford. 20. Jumping off of that last point, this show does give off a little bit of a Gravity Falls vibe. But, to be fair, the old show does, too. No, really. About a year ago I watched a good chunk of the original DuckTales (It's pretty good! Just know that it's obviously written for kids and there are more than a few, well, offensive ethnic stereotypes.) and started to have a bit of an out of body experience when Gravity Falls-like things started happening in the first five episodes. ("We missed ya, Uncle Scrooge!" "Missed me? What did ya throw at me?") This new series also gives off a strong Indiana Jones vibe. But, given that Indiana Jones was partially influenced by the old Donald Duck and Uncle Scrooge comics, that's more than welcome. 21. I maaay have paused the episode to stare at Webby's giant McDuck Conspiracy Board. 22. Matilda and Hortense exist! 23. Scrooge is more badass and more of a jerk than he was in the original show. I am more than okay with both of these facts. 24. Everyone's reaction to the headless man-horse. Oh gosh. 25. Scrooge's reaction when Dewey called him out on the "family is nothing but trouble" line was...interesting. Also slightly scary. I sense some feels around the corner. 26. "TO YOUR ROOOOMS!!" 27. Launchpad is, in fact, a pilot. 28. Someone please get Webby a hamburger. 29. Huey's so adorable with his travel bingo and his sea shanty playlist. 30. "I'm wearing a kilt, Mcduck! A KKIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLTTT!!!!" 31. Crack theory about Glomgold: He's not actually Scottish. He's just taking the idea of the Scottish billionaire from Scrooge and making it cheaper and more showy. 32. Good thing Donald was there to save Dewey from the flame throwers since Dewey DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO AVOID THOSE LASERS. 33. Shandra Jimenez is now a duck. Listen to the green duck reporter at the end. It's got to be the same voice actress. 34. Scrooge and Donald bonding. Good. 35. "Mom?" 36. DDDDEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAA!!?? 37. Spear of Selene? Where's Della? Is she dead? Is she on the moon? Is her absence related to the Spear of Selene or not? What did Scrooge and Donald do to each other that they're so angry? Where's Matilda? Where's Webby's parents? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS oh no I'm INVESTED. 38. Also, the kids' reaction when they found out Scrooge is their great-uncle. That was good.

[thathivemindgroup-blog]

Item #: SCP-2562

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2562-A and -B are contained in Type 2 Humanoid Containment Cells at Site-17. They are permitted one hour of visiting time daily; otherwise, standard amenities and precautions associated with T2HCC are in place. SCP-2562-A has no special medical, dietary, or psychological requirements, and has a Standard Risk Rating of 02/05/00. SCP-2562-B has a Standard Risk Rating of 02/05/03, and is undergoing treatment for type 2 diabetes.

Material altered by SCP-2562-B is kept in Document Storage Cabinet 32C-E.

Description: SCP-2562 is the collective designation for two genetically identical human males designated SCP-2562-A and SCP-2562-B. SCP-2562-A possesses a tattoo on its right palm reading "Mr. Top Text, by Gamers Against Weed"; SCP-2562-B possesses a tattoo on its left palm reading "Mr. Bottom Text, by Gamers Against Weed".

SCP-2562 possess the ability to alter text by placing an index finger within several centimeters of it and deliberately effecting the change. Depending on the medium, this may entail the addition or deletion of ink, data, etc. or alteration of physical objects that represent the text. SCP-2562 do not need to understand the material, or identify it as writing, to effect these changes, and claim to possess no control over the particular nature of the alterations.

SCP-2562-A alters texts by the addition of additional content near the beginning of the text in question, with no alterations being made more than 30% through the text or extending the total length of the text by more than 15%. The additional content takes the form of elaborations upon existing content, typically making implicit content explicit and deriving inferences from it, in a style consistent with the original text. In the case of constrained forms of writing, such as sonnets, additional text may instead manifest as annotations presented as a supplement to the text.

SCP-2562-B alters texts by replacing content from the end of the text with the phrase "BOTTOM TEXT".1 Up to 13% of the original material is removed in this process. Texts altered by SCP-2562-B retain the ability to convey their entire meaning; readers will understand and respond to SCP-2562-B the same way they would the original text, with the exception that subjects cannot recall the wording of content excised by SCP-2562-B.

SCP-2562-A is generally cooperative with Foundation staff, and has used its abilities to assist Foundation cryptanalysis efforts on occasion. SCP-2562-B will typically refuse to cooperate with any request except under duress or when offered a substantial reward.

Document 2562-602

SCP-2562-A and -B were both instructed to use their anomalous properties by altering the text of the poem Ozymandias, by Percy Bysshe Shelley. Text added by SCP-2562-A has been colored pink, while text added by SCP-2562-B was colored green.

I met a traveller from an antique land1 Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, BOTTOM TEXT

1 Diminish Ozymandias; let his pow'r Be heard through traveller's gossip, and no more.

Document 2562-618

SCP-2562-A and -B both possessed identical copies of this document at time of recovery. It is reproduced below in its entirety.

Holy Heck! You've just found yourself your very own Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Textby Gamers Against Weed! Has cool powers and a twin brother to hang out with / BOTTOM TEXT. Who is Dr. Wondertainment?

Collect them all and become Mr. Gamer!

01. Mr. Literal Serial Killer 02. Mr. Normie 03. Mr. Bernie Sanders 04. Mr. Get Anything For Free In Any Shop 20. Mr. Sex Number 21. Mr. Heavenly Virtues 22. Mr. Deadly Sins 23. Mr. Original Character 24. Mr. D.A.R.E. 25. Mr. Gentrification 26. Ms. Mad About Video Games 27. Mr. Meme 28. Mr. Ominous (discontinued) 29. Mr. Destiny 30. Mr. Monty Python And The Holy Grail 31. Ms. Zapatista 32. Mr. Hax 33. Mr. Just Has The Tattoo 34. Mr. Top Text and Mr. Bottom Text ✔ 35. Mr. Finale

Interview Logs

Several interviews with SCP-2562 were performed by Dr. Steele. Excerpts from two have been selected to accompany this document.

Dr. Steele: How did you first meet Mr. Bottom Text?

SCP-2562-A: He was the first thing I saw. The very first thing I remember — and that he remembers — is browsing through the science fiction section at the ██████ Public Library. We took a minute to touch base, decided we were twin brothers, and went right back to it.

Dr. Steele: Your situation didn't strike you as odd?

SCP-2562-A: Compared to what? I knew that most people didn't appear out of nowhere like that, but I also knew we weren't most people — we knew right from the start how our abilities worked. It didn't bother me all that much… really, I was more interested in seeing their collection of Asimovs than anything.

Dr. Steele: That makes sense. And at some point, you started using them on the books at the library.2

SCP-2562-A: That we did. Mr. Bottom Text would go around touching everyone's books, said he was doing them a favor. And of course, I had to go after him and try to make up for it with my own effect.

Dr. Steele: You had to?

SCP-2562-A: He was depriving them of the joy of reading. Sure, he could cram all of that meaning into two words, which is nice if you're in a hurry I suppose, but good writing is more than just getting the point across. The words matter.

Dr. Steele: But your own properties can interrupt the pacing and flow of the writing, even when it's stylistically consistent with the original.

<SCP-2562-A appears uncomfortable, sighing and breaking eye contact.>

SCP-2562-A: I guess. But when the writing isn't that good, when it leaves things out… I know some people aren't all that good at reading, and they could use a bit of a hand there. It's useful for that, at least. Does that make sense?

Dr. Steele: Yes, it does. You've clearly given this topic a lot of thought. Did you… start off like that, or did you have to grow into it?

SCP-2562-A: I've always cared — he does too, he just won't show it. I had the time to develop some opinions on it, in the two days before you people took us in.

Dr. Steele: I see. How's your relationship with Mr. Bottom Text?

SCP-2562-A: <Shrugs> What can I say? We get on each other's nerves, but… he's my brother.

SCP-2562-B: He's all like, oh, you're depriving the joy of reading, bluh bluh bluh. You know what people can do with the time I save them? Read more stuff.

Dr. Steele: I asked you about the first time you met.

SCP-2562-B: I bet he literally said "he deprives them of the joy of reading". He's so predictable.

Dr. Steele: Care to comment?

SCP-2562-B: I… no, I don't care. I thought that was obvious.

Dr. Steele: Fine. How do you feel about him personally?

SCP-2562-B: Actually, I want to talk about video games. I finished talking about Mr. Top Text. You ever play Super Smash Bros. Brawl?

Dr. Steele: <Sighs> No, I haven't.

SCP-2562-B: It sucks. I get like, two hours a day with that Wii, and I waste it on Super Shit Brothers. Anyways, you were asking about my brother?

Dr. Steele: Probably.

SCP-2562-B: Cool, 'cause I'm going to talk about him. Like I give him shit, because he deserves it, but I can kinda see where his thing is coming from, it can be nice to have things spelled out. Don't tell him I said that, I'll never hear the end of it.

Dr. Steele: I'll do my best.

SCP-2562-B: He's a sell-out, though. Told me he was helping you guys break codes, and I'm thinking, what's he get out of it? He's actually not even a sell-out, because he ISN'T getting anything out of it. Like are the codes any of your business? He's so nosy, I bet that's what he gets out of it.

Dr. Steele: I can't comment on that.

SCP-2562-B: Oh, well then I'm bored. Conversation's over. Bottom text.

Dr. Steele: You can't skip real-life conversations by saying "bottom text".

SCP-2562-B: Bottom text.

Footnotes

1

. This exact phrase will appear regardless of the original language and style of the text.

2

. Complaints about materials altered by SCP-2562 at the ██████ Public Library alerted the Foundation to SCP-2562's existence.

[thealpacalypse-archive]

1-50 #notevensorry #ily

oh wow, so much for going to bed early today^^

1. what’s your favorite musical?

ALL OF THEM

but my top faves over the years have been Elisabeth, 3 Musketiers, Into The Woods, RENT, Jesus Christ Superstar, Book of Mormon, Hamilton, and most recently, Dear Evan Hansen

2. favorite character in your favorite musical?

Robert from Company, Elphaba, The Witch from Into The Woods, Angel from RENT

3. what’s your favorite play?

bruh, SO MANY. recently i’m really into chekhov again, I recently saw an amazing Ivanov. other than that, I’m absolutely into Shakespeare, and I have a weakness for Schillers Die Räuber. Oh, and Andorra by Max Frisch.4. favorite character in your favorite play?

Viola from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night maybe?? I love her.

5. what’s your dream role?

macbeth. andri in Andorra. Robert in Company. Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet. Antigone.

6. what’s a role you’d like to play that you’d never be able to?

I’m probably never able to play any of the roles I just mentioned, so…

7. do you prefer being behind the scenes or in the spotlight?

i mean going into dramaturgy, I will have to be happy with staying behind the scenes, but my heart will always bleed because I’m not on stage

8. do you like hamilton?

IT’S MY JAM I LOVE IT SO MUCH I CRY

9. have you seen hamilton?

AND I CRY SOME MOREmaybe one day, now that it’s coming to London

10. how do you feel about hyped up shows like hamilton, les mis, and rent?

Honestly, I couldn’t care less about how hyped they are. I love all my faves equally, doesn’t matter if it’s Wicked or some obsure 40’s book musical no one has played for decades. the good thing about hyped shows is: better cast recordings, better bootlegs, movie versions, all that nice stuff.

11. did you like this year’s tony awards?

didn’t watch the last tonys tbh. i don’t even know why, there wasn’t any particular reason

12. what award should there be that isn’t?

huh, don’t know, maybe one that specifically honours female writers and composers?

13. what shows have you been in/helped with?

mostly plays: my first one was Andorra, then a Shakespeare mashup thingie, then an original play about a teen with Aids, then an awesome one that was called The Trojan War Will Not Take Place, then Pension Schöller, then I was singing Carmina Burana, then Andorra again, and then a revue kinda thingie where we did various songs from musicals, operetta, opera, some choreographies, some other stuff… I probably forgot a few things, but oh well.

14. have you ever been paid to act onstage or on camera?

haha nope

15. do you prefer broadway or west end shows?

well I’ve never been to broadway. I’ve seen a couple of shows on west end tho. but one day I will go to Broadway and watch all the shows. have to get awfully rich first though

16. favorite stage actress?

Pia Douwes was one of my first stage crushes. of the german speaking ones, I also really love Sabrina Weckerlin, Annemieke van Dam, Lucy Scherer, Isabel Dörfler and Kerstin Ibald. Internationally, i have a huge crush on Kelli O'Hara, Phillipa Soo, and Alexia Khadime.

17. favorite stage actor?

Carl van Wegberg was my first crush, 12 years ago in Elisabeth. Rasmus Borkowski tho. And Oliver Arno and Serkan Kaya and Ben Platt and Nic Rouleau and tbh I have a bit of a thing for Aaron Tveit. Neil Patrick Harris, I know, I know, but DAMN i’m still not over his “Being Alive” and never will be.

18. favorite show currently or recently running?

Might be Dear Evan Hansen. I don’t know it well enough yet to say for certain, but damn, I love it!!!!

19. what’s your dream #ham4ham (even if you don’t like hamilton)?

my favorite one? obviously the schuyler georges. and the one where they got various people to do guns and ships. or is the question, who would I want to be at a ham4ham? Then my answer is Dame Julie Andrews of course. damn, forgot to mention her at my fave actresses.

20. who should host the tony’s next year?

LMM? With Dwayne The Rock Johnson as a co-host.

21. do you watch broadwaycom backstage vlogs?

from time to time. though it’s been ages since i last did that.

22. what’s your opinion on movies turned into musicals?

well, everything is turned into musicals these days. I don’t care so much what the source material is, as long as the music is good and the characters are great and it works with the plot. i mean, generalizing doesn’t really work, because you got stuff like Heathers, and then something like the Spiderman musical, so…

23. do you prefer musical movies or live musicals?

i love both, for very different reasons. i mean live theatre though. i have yet to find anything in this world that compares to it.

24. do you have an opinion on american psycho?

haven’t seen it. don’t care about it.

25. what movie would you want to be turned into a musical?

hmm. something gay. Imagine Me And You maybe? Or, wait, hold on, holy shit. PRIDE THE MUSICAL.

26. what role would you like to see your favorite actor play?

umm…. Ben Platt should go places, and get the parts he wants to have, and get to create new parts, because he’s amazing and he deserves it and I would probably watch him play a banana peel for two hours straight because he’d be amazing at that as well.

27. do you prefer musicals, plays, or operas?

I LOVE ALL OF IT???? DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE THAT’S SO RUDE

28. dramatic plays or comedies?

again, cannot choose. both is good.

29. andrew lloyd webber or stephen sondheim?

Sondheim, always. I love JCS and I will fight anyone for the trash show that is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, but that’s about it with Webber. Sondheim hasn’t done anything wrong in his life, ever, and I know this, and I love him.

30. neil patrick harris or james corden?

i mean, I love James Corden, but I mentioned it before, NPH in Company. BRUH.

31. did james corden do a good job hosting the tony’s (in your opinion)?

don’t know, didn’t see it

32. create a show mash-up and explain the plot (ex: legally todd = sweeney todd + legally blonde)

umm???? okay I’m tired and not very clever anymore, so the only thing I can come up with is

hamilrent - a couple of angry twenty- and thirtysomethings trying to make a change in american politics while being broke af

33. what song always makes you cry?

“Being Alive”. Isn’t it boring that I keep on bringing this up over and over again? I know. I still cry. Also ��Children Will Listen” from Into The Woods. And “Wo ist der Sommer” from 3 Musketiers. And so far, “You Will Be Found” from Dear Evan Hansen.

34. how do you feel about musicals using other artists’ music?

like in jukebox musicals? I’m mostly trash for it tbh. We Will Rock You is such a trash fest but I love it, and I will always fight anyone on Mamma Mia.

35. what celebrity would you like to see on broadway next?

idk amandla stenberg?

36. favorite show you’ve been in?

we did a huge medley of “Im Weißen Rössl” once and tbh i love this operetta. it’s cheesy af but who cares.

37. would you like to act professionally?

i would. i gave that up a while ago though, when I realized I was too disabled to be accepted into acting schools.

38. television or stage acting?

i would personally always choose the stage over television acting, but I don’t necessarily think one is better than the other

39. what disney movie should be a musical that isn’t?

not sure if moana could work on stage but damn i love that music

40. if you could see one show on broadway or west end, what would it be?

i really miss book of mormon and I want to see it again, but hamilton or dear evan hansen would be first i guess. or fun home.

41. what musical should be revived next?

i’m so glad miss saigon is coming back, i love it. how about we bring back Into The Woods?

42. are musical sequels okay?

i personally don’t care much for them, but i don’t condemn them. like, i dislike theatre that’s made solely for the purpose of making money, which is something sequels are usually about. but that doesn’t mean that sequels are always and will always be a bad thing.

43. what musical sequel would you like there to be that isn’t?

umm???? well it would make sense for there to be a wicked sequel, since the book has a sequel as well? or, maybe not exactly a sequel, but more history musicals in the style of hamilton? that’d be rad.

44. have you ever had a crush on a character from a show?

umm. … no? *sweats nervously* why would you ask that…….? … never

45. how do you feel about musicals being done live on tv now?

i think it’s a cool idea in general, making musicals more accessible to a wider audience, in a way that’s closer to live theatre. i just think the format is still too new and it needs a lot more practice until it’s going to work.

46. did you like grease live?

haven’t seen it

47. are you excited for hairspray live?

i was really excited beforehand, and then i was absolutely disappointed because it was more racist, more sexist, more ableist, and generally worse than the movie version, and while the cast was good, it wasn’t good enough to save bad directing.

48. what show do you desperately want your school/community to do?

well, I want RENT to be back in Germany, and not in the horrible German translation please. Maybe my current employer could get on that? they’re known for excellent stagings of musicals, and they also did Anything Goes in the english original.

49. are you a stronger singer or dancer?

i’m not great at either but I love doing both. since my body is a bit shit though, I suppose i have a slight advantage for my singing.

50. would you rather design the set, direct the show, or help with effects?

i already helped with video and audio effects once, that was fun. i’m no good at set design, and directing doesn’t sound too bad, but I’m not into the creative pressure that comes along with directing. i think I’ll just stick to my dramaturgy. :P

thanks love, for all the questions!