#compared to the majority of people who have big families in order to more equally distribute the labor needed to sustain themselves

[beroidae]

like ok i get with economics especially environmental economics overexploitation of finite resources is a huge and legitimate concern, but idk man proposing that people should 'have a conscience' and 'stop/slow down breeding' in order to preserve those resources seems pretty textbook eugenics rhetoric to me

[blushcoloreddreams]

Feminism is bad for you

You might identify with it because of their beautiful ideals, or because it says it takes care of your pains in a different way, but you can know a tree by it’s fruits

Observe what feminism do to women… they get uglier, they tend to fight more with their father, mother, relatives, friends and husband, they can’t have a normal conversation without it becoming a fight…

they become the worst version of themselves without realizing that the ideal of feminism is not the wellbeing of women, it’s political control

I know you will say that feminism is necessary to fight for equality, that I can only make this post because of feminism, that I can only vote, study or work because of feminism

And I know you will say that feminism is necessary to fight for equality, That I can only make this post today because of feminism, That I can only vote and study because of feminism... But... what if this is all a big lie they told you?

If you study other sources that are not feminist - because yes, believe me - there are other sources... you will see that the story is not exactly what the films portray...

When feminists asked Celina Guimarães, the first woman to vote in Brazil, how she had achieved something so important and representative, she said: "I didn't do anything! I'm grateful and I owe all of this exclusively to my late husband, who was excited about women's participation in Brazilian politics”

You constantly see celebrities telling some lies like that - that women couldn't study and everything, but no one asks exactly why...

The truth is that ancient schools aimed to prepare men for military service, which is why boys were degraded and beaten, often deprived of food to prepare them for war, while girls were educated by their mothers at home or by the Catholic church in order to spare them from rigid male training.

Another lie is that women gained the right to work... but women have always worked, working has always been a question of survival... Traditionally women always were midwives, healers, weavers and overall helped their families with agriculture, trading and crafting. Not needing to work has ALWAYS been a privilege exclusive to upper class women contrary to what feminists tell you. But when men went to war they were forced to work outside, not as a matter of choice, but because it was work or die.

In truth, for most of history the majority of men were illiterate and didn’t have access to education either. In England, for example, education only became compulsory in 1880. Voting and politics also weren’t rights given freely to all men. In Ancient Athens democracy only a small amount of people (only free men whose parents were both Athenian could vote - all that expecting military participation in exchange). In post independence United States only white landowners could vote, in Brazil only after 1985 adults who were illiterate won the right to vote. The main point is, it’s easy to say that women throughout history were abused and discriminated soon if you always compare them to the top 1% instead of the average male when in reality they have been mostly dealing with the same issues and treatment

By believing things like taking care of children and educating them, preparing food and taking care of the house is not work you are just conforming to the paradox of seeing these tasks as lesser things while agreeing to pay thousands to outsource these tasks.

There have always been abusive relationships at any time - but they are not the majority. This image you have that women all suffered at the hands of men is an image distorted by history books after the Communist revolution and promoted by the media to influence and dominate the minds of the masses. When you believe this you will slowly make choices that destroy your life and make you an irresponsible victim dependent on the State. You don't need to believe me, look around you - a tree is known by its fruit

[shesalittlelost]

I've noticed this that most Nesta stans treat Nesta less like a character and more like a vehicle that they can use to be as misogynistic as possible and live their own mean girl fantasy on the internet. And the saddest thing is that it's not just her fans who do it, the author did the same to her so I'm gonna talk to about the latter first.

Nesta in ACOTAR wanted to go out and carve her life on her own because the realisation that she still hadn't found a purpose for herself while her sister already did and that she owed her whole life to her chafed at her. That's why their reunion in the first book was so touching. I was so looking forward to see what Nesta does with her journey but she isn't allowed that. Fast forward to ACOMAF, she's just... a mean girl, unnecessarily poking at her sister for no reason at all. This scene is used as a way to start Nesta and Cassian's “banter” and “romance” (lol) and in order to do that SJM basically walks back and kills whatever little but extremely significant development Nesta had in book 1. Her concern for her sister that made her risk her own life is forgotten and instead she's made to be petty, antagonistic and stupid and incredibly shortsighted even (when in book 1 she was the only one in the family who listened to Feyre & understood the threat Fae posed to the humans) to Feyre for no reason other than to clash her with Cassian. And since then it's been like this. SJM keeps obliterating everything that made Nesta, Nesta. Her ability to resist glamour? forgotten. Her not wanting to become a warrior? LOL her whole personality is just being fandom's cookie cutter sword and armour girl now. Her being averse to casual sex? Well.... you see... she lavvvvsss sex so muchhh that she starts daydreaming about having a threesome with her bf and his brother to a point that her brother-in-law can tell that from her face and gets awkward (🤮). Her wishing to explore this world on her own? Yeah lol that's not happening. Like ever.

This girl really just got moulded into someone that Miss Maas can conveniently use to live her own fantasy in the ACOTAR world. Maas is known to not get along well with other women in the field who are as popular and successful (if not more) than her and allegedly called one an ableist slur. It's public knowledge that she was horrible to her other author friends until they cut her off. She now lives in her own bubble and picks some two or three new people, less popular than her to befriend, who just hype her up. Sounds familiar? Yeah. Nesta too can't ever get along with any other major female character who is as equally relevant in the story as her. Elain was her best buddy until she stopped being Nesta's side chick. Feyre, she was always jealous with, in her own words. She looks down at Mor for not being dressed modestly causing the men to laugh at that insult (Sara, you're very obvious). That scene where Rhys aka SJM gasses her up by calling her an illyrian (warrior) as a compliment while comparing her to Elain and implying Elain doesn't count coz she just isn't one. Like there is such a big “she's not like the other girls! she is ✨different✨” energy going on with the way she's written, especially her relationship with every other women in the story, except for the two girls who are written solely to be her hype girls, that I literally can't stand it.

It starts to make sense why she appeals to a certain kind of fans here who also suffer from the “i'm not like the other girls” syndrome. A lot of these people don't even like or care about Nesta's character or story that much no, they just latch onto her to hate on every other character, especially the female ones, that they can't self insert as. Calling Feyre the nastiest things, hating on Elain for apparently being a “selfish bitch” and Mor for idek what. Like these people are physically incapable of talking about her or praising her without comparing her with or bringing down other women in the series and it's genuinely nasty how they talk about every woman who isn't her or the ones who suck up to her. I wonder if they realize how crazy they look to others coz they are very transparent.

[theabstruseone]

Hey, something that hits my personal interest areas of cooking, the folk history of the Olden Days of the internet I grew up in, and copyright law with implications for tabletop roleplaying games!

The reason why all these recipes start off as a blog post with the actual recipe way at the bottom is to protect the creator of the recipe. Because recipes are not protected by copyright. They're simply a description of a procedure. You list ingredients and say what to do to those ingredients. You can't legally protect that under copyright law.

But you can copyright the EXPRESSION of the procedure. For example, I can't claim copyright on the game mechanic "Roll a twenty-sided die, add a bonus based on the ability score of your character, compare the result to a fixed number based on the difficulty of the task, and if the result is equal to or higher, you succeed at the action." Nor can Wizards of the Coast, who you might remember own Dungeons & Dragons, the game which uses that as its core mechanic. I CAN, however, copyright that very specific paragraph describing HOW you roll a twenty-sided die and add a number to it to determine the result of an action. And the more unique that paragraph is, the stronger my ability to claim it as my intellectual property.

So back in the day, a lot of blogs shared recipes. They were all over the internet with people sharing both their classic family recipes as well as their own unique creations. This got more popular around the same time as cooking in general became popular with Food Network and the celebrity chef rising to prominence.

This means there was now money in putting recipes on the internet. So a lot of people started making their own cooking blogs and websites by simply copying and pasting recipes from other websites then cramming their website full of advertising in order to make money off it.

The people who saw their secret family recipe posted among a sea of ads for cheap Viagra got upset, but found out there wasn't exactly much they could do about it. Recipes can't be protected by law and, even if they wanted to claim it was word-for-word recreations, it would be difficult to prove in court that it WAS ripped off rather than just someone who came up with the same recipe on their own.

So the people posting the recipes realized they needed to add more of their own creation to the recipes in order to protect them. That meant getting more creative placing the recipes in context of their life story. You know, personalizing it.

This started off an arms race between people stealing content for their own sites and creators attempting to protect their recipes. And because cooking itself was becoming more of a big deal, companies were now involved. Bots were scraping sites and major media companies and publishers were sending their lawyers after them as best they could.

Long story short, this is where we are currently at. People who want to post recipes have to write entire 2000 word essays at the front to both make room for the publisher's advertising dotted about the recipe AND to ensure that, if a bot scrapes the site to post the content elsewhere, they're more likely to grab a part of an autobiography that will allow for a DMCA takedown to stick.

But how does this relate to tabletop roleplaying games? Because recipes and game rules are the same way. You can't legally protect game rules under copyright, but you CAN copyright how you write up those rules. Which became a talking point in January 2023 when Wizards of the Coast decided they wanted to mess around with the Open Game License used by third-party publishers to make content compatible with Dungeons & Dragons.

A lot of commenters with no experience in tabletop roleplaying decided to chime and point this out not realizing that, after a long series of lawsuits over the decades, the tabletop RPG industry was well aware of this fact already and, by this point, Dungeons & Dragons is written like Becky's lost sister before the lava cake recipe in order to protect it. Also, Hasbro has lawyers and small publishers do not. And unlike the fly-by-night copy-pasting bots, they can't just set up shop with a new account on a different web hosting service in a couple of hours.

Anyway, if you want to know why you have to read through someone's purple prose filled autobiography to figure out how to make puff pastry cups, now you know.

[xtruss]

The U.S. Is Not a Democracy

© AFP 2023/Filippo Monteforte

Is a system working as well as possible? Inertia lulls people into believing that legacy products are great—even that they’re perfect—without objectively considering whether it’s really true.

The QWERTY computer keyboard works but the 1936 Dvorak version is superior. Skim milk makes you fatter. The U.S. may still be a shining city on a hill but our Constitution has become so out-of-date that new nations no longer refer to it as a template for their own legal charters.

Ask yourself: if our political system were created today, by a group of intelligent people, what would it look like? If the real-world system we see now falls short of that ideal, there’s room for improvement.

What if we were to scrap our centuries-old Constitution? What if we built a shiny new government from the ground up, without considering legacy or precedent?

This is a complicated question. Only one out of four Americans would vote to repeal the Second Amendment, so the right to bear arms might make it into a new charter. Much of that support, however, derives from voters who own the hundreds of millions of guns already in circulation. An America without a legacy of individual firearms ownership would be much less likely to codify it as a fundamental right.

So what would an ideal representative democracy look like for the United States, 2023 edition?

Nothing like what we have now.

Every citizen of sufficient age to exercise sound judgment should be allowed to vote. Our society currently says 18. But there are strong arguments in favor of allowing children to vote as well as for raising the age of enfranchisement to 25. If mental acuity matters, what about the one out of ten Americans over age 65 who suffers from dementia or those with very low IQ?

Among those permitted to cast ballots, each vote ought to count equally. The principle of one person, one vote is almost universally accepted.

Yet the current system falls dismally short of our professed ideal. Due to the electoral college, the vote of a resident of Wyoming in a presidential election counts 3.6 times more than that of someone who lives in California. People in the District of Columbia enjoy no vote at all; nor do the 4 million Americans who reside in overseas territories. Gerrymandering through redistricting has radically reduced the weight of a vote cast by a Black citizen compared to a white one. Forty-eight out of 50 states either ban convicted felons, people in prison and/or on parole from voting; the U.S. has some of the most vicious disenfranchisement laws in the world.

If a representative democracy is healthy and vibrant, voters ought to be able to choose from a broad selection of candidates who represent a wide range of ideological viewpoints that reflect the broad diversity of opinions in our vast country.

In This Respect, The U.S. is Not a Democracy.

We only have two major parties. But not by choice. 62%of Americans say they want the option of a third party; dissatisfaction with the Democrats and the Republicans helps explain why the U.S. has one of the lowest voter-turnout numbers in the world. Smaller parties are barred from presidential debates, don’t receive coverage in the press, are stymied by draconian ballot-access laws drafted by Democrats and Republicans, and bludgeoned by nuisance lawsuits filed by the big two in order to drain their resources and block them from the ballot.

In many elections, there aren’t even two parties. In 2016, 42% of races for seats in state legislatures were uncontested, meaning there was only one candidate on the ballot. There’s no word whether any of them was named “Saddam.” In 2022, a whopping 57%of state elections for judges were unopposed. I live in New York, where the Working Families Party provides an illusion of choice by appearing on the ballot next to the Democrats. But the WFP’s candidates are the same as the corporate Democrats.

Ranked-choice voting, promoted by progressives, sometimes leads to anti-democratic results. California’s small state Republican Party rarely has one of its candidates among the top two vote-getters who move past the first round to the general election.

Party primaries can be coronations, as when Barack Obama and Donald Trump essentially ran unopposed in 2012 and 2020, respectively.

Candidates are not legally bound to carry out their election promises if they win. Evolving circumstances or further reflection—or dishonesty—may prompt a politician to change course after victory. But there is accountability for perfidy, whether real or imagined, in a vibrant representative democracy. Rather than outsource politics to a political class every two or four years or whatever, citizens in a high-functioning representative democracy keep informed beyond the carnival of election season, express their opinions and hold their representatives’ feet to the fire with public protests and demonstrations, as we’re currently seeing in France after their imperious president ignored popular will by increasing the national retirement age without holding a parliamentary vote.

The U.S. does not have a high-functioning representative democracy. Voters are uninformed, don’t trust the media and can’t agree on the facts at the heart of stories and issues like whether climate change is real or Biden won the election.

Worst of all, we fail to hold our representatives accountable when they ignore us. Abortion is no longer legal in 17 states, with more expected to codify bans in the coming months. Meanwhile, 85%of American adults favor abortion rights, yet the streets remain calm and protester-free. Two out of three Democrats want significant and immediate action against climate change, yet they don’t have anything to say to President Biden—who probably blew up a major gas pipeline and created an ecological disaster, and authorized oil drilling in the ecologically fragile Alaskan wilderness.

If we were to create a new political system out of whole cloth, it wouldn’t look anything like this.

— Ted Rall, the political cartoonist, columnist and graphic novelist, co-hosts the left-vs-right DMZ America podcast with fellow cartoonist Scott Stantis. Tuesday March 28, 2023, Sputnik International

[tanadrin]

The major narrative around Communist collective farming I tend to encounter is “agricultural collectivization triggered famines, because farmers had no incentive to work hard to maintain themselves and their families, and, e.g., decollectivization in China under Deng, by letting individuals own land privately again, was instrumental in improving agricultural outputs.” See for instance this post on Reddit, which is what has me thinking about the subject.

I am very confused by this, because no matter how I approach it, it feels like a deeply unsatisfying explanation.

“Capitalism/private property makes people work hard, collectivism doesn’t” not only seems like a nuance-free just so story, it also seems plainly untrue. If collectivization and a rural command economy harmed agricultural output only in that it disincentivized farmers to work hard, well, I would think the threat of starvation would be a major incentive that would effectively counterbalance that! We can point to plenty of examples where the profitability of individual labor is divorced from the overall profitability of the enterprise that don’t necessarily result in people being super lazy--unless you own your own business, you probably don’t have a major stake in how profitable it is, as long as you get paid anyway. Now, you can be fired, and presumably job security in socialist collective farming enterprises was very good, but even so that doesn’t mean there aren’t social feedback mechanisms or formal mechanisms of reprimand that might incentivize people to do their jobs well (besides pride in their work, which a lot of people seem to have anyway). And there seem to be at least some examples of communist collectivization that were not unmitigated disasters; or which can even be regarded to be successes; these exceptions apparently disprove the original hypothesis.

Moreover, collective farming outside of modern communist theory has a long history. It exists on a spectrum from the individual family farm to communal schemes of land ownership, and the command economy of the Inca might also provide an interesting corollary example. The key difference between these systems of collective agricultural production and the experiments of the USSR or China is that they’re firmly embedded in preexisting social structures and local institutions; they weren’t something somebody tried to create ex nihilo in a couple of decades by top-down order. Cf. also modern voluntary collective farming arrangements like the kibbutzim, or Anabaptist communities in North America.

But “collectivist farming can work if it’s managed democratically and in a grassroots fashion, rather than being imposed dictatorially from an administrative center remote from where the actual production is occurring” is a much less flattering narrative if your central ideological opposition is between authoritarian socialism and authoritarian capitalism. Because the organization of production by private enterprise--which is not democratically organized (though it could be; we can imagine companies where workers elect their managers and even their C-suite executives from among themselves, and are the sole shareholders)--tends to operate in the same fashion. In this case, the bureaucratic center is less remote, because it’s not a central government trying to run an entire country’s political apparatus and micromanage its economic apparatus, but it suggests that the present arrangement is at best a messy compromise, and that there are major gains to be made by reducing the power and influence of a small number of company owners who capture an outsize proportion of the company profits.

“Lack of incentive to work hard reduces output; and precarity is an important incentive to work hard” is, as a naive argument, pretty persuasive! I tended not to question it when I was younger and teachers and older relatives were explaining history to me. But it seems to me that we keep encountering more and more data that, in fact, precarity reduces worker output; that better pay, better working conditions, and better job security improves the time and attention workers have for their jobs, and that moving to shorter hours and improving guarantees around things like healthcare and housing improves output, not worsens it, which seems to stand in contradiction to the original argument. And if as a society we prize values like democracy, freedom, and equality between individuals, it seems weird that we not only tolerate but encourage within the heart of our economy these large-scale structures of production that are unapologetically authoritarian in their organization, that occasionally trend totalitarian when they think they can get away with it (i.e., companies trying to restrict their workers’ private lives), and we treat many of the proposed alternatives to this structure as evidence of a sensibility (”communism”) associated with some of the most notorious dictatorships in world history. Yes, mandating some degree of worker ownership or control of industry would be to sharply curtail private property rights--but so was the abolition of slavery, or the recognition of the right of unions to organize, or the liberation of the serfs, or the end of feudalism. Some formulations of the idea of private property are incompatible with a democratic society! We should not feel beholden to them.

I’m not ideologically committed to the idea of collective farming; it seems like an aesthetic fetish of the Stalinists, not something necessary for prosperity and democracy in developed countries where something like 90% of the population lives in urban areas. In any case, the small, privately-held family farm is one of those social institutions projected backward in time to justify its current stranglehold on the culture: Sarah Taber talks quite cogently about how it’s not really an accurate model for most of the history of preindustrial Europe, just for the process of settlement of the frontier during colonial expansion, and that modern farming, even when nominally in the hands of a “family” (as the owners of a privately held company), is overwhelmingly dominated by something closer to big agribusiness; small farms generally just can’t compete with the economies of scale of large ones, except in certain small niches. This is pretty much collectivization by another name, facilitated by wage labor; the only change I would make if I had a magic wand was to give the workers more influence over how these businesses are run. But agricultural labor, especially in its seasonal and migratory dimensions, is a very complex topic with a lot of unique pathologies, compared to industrial labor.

[benevolentbirdgal]

A “brief” reference guide to modern Jewish denominations / Jewish Writing Advice / Jewish Identity / Jewish Reference Guide [graphic at bottom]

Writing a Jew or Jewish family? Aware that Judaism is not a monolith and want to honor that? Great! Need help with that? 100% cool - I’m here as your friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional to help. Just want to know more about Jewish denominations in comparison to one another? Also great! Fair warning - this is a long one. At least I included a graphic at the bottom?

Quick notes to acknowledge: As always, this is an American and Americanish perspective (and denominations as discussed here are MOSTLY relevant in the U.S. anyways). Additionally, the modern denominations as we think of them today really sprung from Ashkenazi communities in the 19th and 20th centuries. Most extant U.S. synagogues, day schools, and groups follow Ashkenazi customs and align with a denomination born of Ashkenazi tradition (aligning with the approximately 90% of Jewish-Americans who are Ashkenazi or Ashkenazi plus another community). Sephardi, Mizrachi, and other Jewish communities have their own traditions and jurisprudence. Most organized non-Ashkenazi communities in the U.S. identify as nondenominational but most closely compare in practice to orthodoxy, and many non-Ashkenazi Jews (especially outside of major population centers that may have other specific subgroup’s synagogues) are members of and very involved in Ashkenazi-originating movements, institutions, and synagogues. 

For the purpose’s of today’s discussion, we’ll start in the 19th century, because Karaites vs Pharisees vs Sadducees is a (his)story for another time. This also isn’t a history of how these denominations came to be-with the exception of some ultraorthodox groups, which may have sprung from the shtel a little earlier, all the below movements popped out of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. I’m also going to list approximate percentage of the American Jewish population, and I’m going to (kinda) go in order from most to least strict/traditionally observant. 

Ultraorthodox (aka Haredi): The strictest, more traditional and expansive observance of the Torah, Talmud, and minhagim (customs). About 1% of American Jews are ultraorthodox. Ultraorthodox is not a unified movement. 

1a. Haredi, Satmar, and most other groups generally isolate themselves from the wider Jewish world and secular world.

1b. Chabad is also ultraorthodox, but specially seeks to interact with less observant Jews. I wouldn’t call it proselytizing, because they don’t seek to make gentiles Jewish, but they do try and find less observant Jews and bring them closer to Judaism, also establishes small synagogues around the country and world in isolated place. 

1c. Ultraorthodox are the most visibly Jewish attired group, wearing Kippahs for all men and boys and tichels (headscarves) and/or wigs for married women. Very modest attire for all. In Ashkenazi Ultraorthodox communities, men also tend to only wear black and white, hats in addition to their kippah (for grown and married men), and wearing tzitzit (a garmet with four corners with strings attached worn under a shirt with the threads sticking out). 

1d. Most likely to speak Yiddish or Hebrew as first language.

1e. No gender equality, very strict kosher, and intense community adherence to particular brand of Judaism.

1f. Communities generally led by a Rabbi and a Rebbetzin (Rabbi’s wife) as pair (rabbis are generally expected to be married).

1g. No female Rabbis, same-sex marriage, or intermarriage. Lots of children. Pretty much all boys have Bar Mitzahs, rarely do girls have Bat Mitzvahs. 

1h. Services entirely in Hebrew (except maybe the sermon).

1i. Only count matrilineal Jews and converts-Jewish father and gentile mother doesn’t count for them. 

1j. Very strict observance of prohibitions and commandments pertaining to Shabbat and holidays. 

Modern orthodox: Orthodox, but with some adaptations to modern life. Roughly 9% of American Jews. Also some division within modern orthodoxy (with some congregations being more liberal than others, particularly in regards to women and LGBTQ+ folks), but there are a couple of major organizations that most modox rabbis and congregations affiliate with one another through larger denomination movements (i.e. the Orthodox Union and the Rabbinical Council of America). 

2a. Modern orthodox Jews regularly interact with other Jews who are more liberal. They tend to live in more Jewish communities but no issues with interacting with outside world.

2b. Modest clothing and men wear kippot everywhere (when safe). Married women also usually cover their hair (with wigs or tichels). Men also typically wear tzitzit. 

2b. Gender roles, but progress being made. Handful of female rabbis emerging in 2010s/2020s. Whether women count in a minyan depends on the specific congregation and many modern orthodox shuls will have separate women’s prayer groups. The prevalence of Bat Mitzvahs also varies wildly congregation to congregation.

2c. Like ultraorthodox, communities are typically led by a Rabbi and his wife the Rebbetzin. Some acceptance of homosexual individuals as members of the community, but no same-sex marriage (some alternate ceremonies emerging). Like one out gay male rabbi. No intermarriage.

2d. Very strict adherence to kosher, would likely not eat at someone less kosher’s home.

2e. Usually have on the higher end of a “normal” amount of children. Services entirely in Hebrew (except sermon).

2f. Only count matrilineal Jews and converts-Jewish father and gentile mother doesn’t count for them.

Less traditionally observant than this is often known as “liberal Judaism” - around 90% of American Jews.

2g.  Very strict observance of prohibitions and commandments pertaining to Shabbat and holidays. 

Conservative: Brands itself as middle of the road Jewish movement. about 18% of the American Jewish population. No connection to conservative politics, most Conservative with a C Jews are liberal or moderate politically. Often called “Masorti” outside the U.S and hypothetically a unified movement under several connected organizations (i.e. the Masorti Olami and the Jewish Theological Seminary). 

3a. Gender equality. Female rabbis and LGBTQ rabbis definitely an acceptable thing, but not as common as with Reform or Reconstructionist. 

3b. Formally sanctioned ceremony for same-sex couples to wed under Jewish law since 2012 and affirmation ceremonies since 2006.

3c. Modesty in synagogues but comparable to regular American attire otherwise.

3d. Generally comparable family size to other American families.

3e. Kosher, but not as strict as orthodoxy. Many Conservative Jews have kosher homes but are willing to be more lax when eating out. Synagogues are always kosher.

3f. Services mostly in Hebrew, sermons and some prayers definitely in local language.

3g. Intermarriage is frowned upon, but many otherwise Conservative Jews will be married by a less traditional rabbi or justice of the peace to non-Jewish partners. Although Conservative rabbis do not perform interfaith marriages, many interfaith couples are in Conservative synagogues. In the 90s/2000s it was way less friendly to interfaith couples/families (laughs in having a goyish dad) but that has improved in the past 3-5 years substantially. 

3h. Observance of prohibitions and commandments pertaining to Shabbat and holidays is regulated but less strict than orthodoxy. Varies a bit by community. A good example to illustrate this is getting to synagogue on Shabbat:

By the book (not necessarily reflected by attendees): Orthodoxy says you have to walk there (no driving), Reform says it’s no issue to drive on Shabbat, and Conservative says you can drive but only to get to shul and back. 

3i. As with orthodoxy, only matrilineal Jews count. Most interfaith families with non-Jewish moms (or moms who converted post-birth of the kid), particularly those who want to participate in Conservative communities will convert the child as a baby so they can have a normal Jewish upbringing (beyond an extra blessing/prayer in the Bnai Mitzvah process and social awkwardness that oft accompanies interfaith families in Jewish spaces).

3j. Most dress comparably to others in geographic area (synagogue notwithstanding, see my other post). Men on the higher end of observant might also wear kippahs all the time as well. Outside of explicitly Jewish contexts, similar lifestyles to surrounding populations. Around the same number of children as in gentile families. 

Reform: Not at all traditionally observant. About 35% of American Jews. More or less a cohesive movement linked by organizations (i.e. Women of Reform Judaism and the Union for Reform Judaism).

4a. Reform Judaism is the largest group. It generally views Judaism through the lens of social justice, repairing the world, and cultural heritage as opposed to religious mandate. 

4b. Very big on personal choice in what one observes, I like to call it “choose your own adventure” Judaism. 

4c. Keeping kosher is uncommon. Some shuls aren’t even kosher.

4d. Reform services use the least Hebrew, although this is changing in some places. 

4e. Reform’s standard of Jewishness is 1+ Jewish parent(s) and raised doing Jewish things, regardless of which parent is Jewish. 

4f. Very feminist/egalitarian and welcoming to LGBTQ+ folks. Highest number of not-straight rabbis and female rabbis. 

4g. Intermarriage very common and can be performed by Reform rabbis. 

4h. Reform Judaism was way ahead of the curve in terms of LGBTQ+ rights and religion. The movement has had members advocating for homosexual rights (protection in housing, employment, civil marriage, and other nondiscrimination protections) since 1965 (finally passing formal resolutions in 1977), began proactively including/welcoming out gay rabbis in 1990, created same-gender marriage Jewish ceremonies in 1996/7, and has made resolutions explicitly including bi and trans people as well since 2004 (stuff earlier than that generally specified “gay and lesbian”). An additional resolution was passed in 2015 regarding trans and nonbinary inclusion, alongside guides to help congregations do so. 

4i. See #3j - also applies here. 

Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform, are the biggest and “standard” movements people will most typically list and identify with, most likely to appear in surveys and studies, are older than everything listed below. Modern Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform all started in the 19th century and some Ultraorthodox groups trace back further than that. I’ve outlined some practical differences, but the basic theoretical difference is that Orthodox considers traditional Jewish law (Halacha) binding and you can’t change it, Conservative believes it it’s binding but the community can change it, and Reform believes that it’s nonbinding. 

Some smaller movements: 

Reconstructionist - Newest even remotely well-known and organized movement, founded in the 1920s as an offshoot of the Conservative movement. I would describe it as “build your own adventure but Halacha matters (or at least some of it).” The first thing almost every recon Jew I’ve ever met has told me when describing reconstructionism is that they invented the bat mitzvah in 1922, which basically translates to “tradition matters but also egalitarianism.”

Maybe 2%-5% of American Jews today self-ID as Reconstructionist, but I would argue that a lot of nondenominal practitioners have philosophies fairly aligned with the recon ethos. 

Jewish Renewal: very small and relatively disorganized movement started in the 1960s. Attempts to bring Jewish tradition and modern sensibilities, hippie Jews who care about Halacha. Big on mysticism and music, doing Jewish enthusiastically, and a tendency towards more traditional observance in conjunction with progressive politics. Kind of the laid-back cousin of reconstructionism, although neither sprung from the other. 

(Cultural) Humanistic Judaism: “Non-theistic” Judaism for atheist Jews who still want a connection to their history, culture, and celebrations. 

Nondenominational - Nondenominational and post-denominational Jews are the fast growing group. Variety of liberal/non-traditionally observant beliefs and practices, but most will still contextualize themselves around the denominational scale.

[maatryoshkaa]

young god | chapter 16

chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | epilogue |

word count: 14.3k

warnings: graphic descriptions of violence, domestic & child abuse, sexual abuse of a minor, descriptions of mental illness, death, dark themes and foul language. once again, all information regarding psychiatric conditions or courtroom procedures are to be taken with a grain of salt.

description: Han Jisung wrestles with the demons of his past as Kim Seungmin faces his own dilemma in the present, with one last chilling threat from Prosecutor Kang forcing Seungmin to make a final, crucial decision. The clock is counting down as your last chance wears thin, and one unexpected declaration is all it takes for things to change—forever.

watch the trailer here!

16| the prisoner’s dilemma.

Jisung was still frozen in place long after the heavy doors had swung shut and erased your face from his sight. His own hand felt foreign as he held it against his stinging cheek, the dull throbbing drowned out by the words still ringing in his ears.

Your friends want you to stay alive. Your mother wanted you to stay alive.

I need you to stay alive.

Bang Chan was watching him from the side, the detective’s eyes filled with equal parts amusement and wariness. Finally, he spoke. “You deserved that, you know.”

Jisung was silent, but his mind was already replaying the scene over and over again. Your anxious eyes, your voice trembling with the effort to stay steady. The slap couldn’t compare to the pain that had etched itself into your features every time he had spoken harshly, trying again and again to push you away. I know I did.

Chan sighed. “How are you feeling?”

A soft laugh escaped from Jisung’s dry mouth. “Dizzy,” he deadpanned honestly. The adrenaline was beginning to die down, but instead of leaving him sick in the stomach and with a pounding headache like usual, Jisung felt almost...lightheaded with relief. “Like...like a kid that just got told off?”

The detective chuckled, letting out his low, signature whistle. “What’d I tell you? That’s love, mate.” 

Jisung looked at him now, incredulous. “Getting slapped in the face?”

“No,” Chan smiled, but for once, his eyes were serious. “Someone who cares about you enough to call you out when you’re wrong.”

Not knowing what to say, Jisung turned away, letting the ticking of the clock on the wall fill the strained silence. He could still feel Chan’s gaze on him, but it was no longer the look of a detective trying to dissect a case file. Instead, it held the same strange softness it had when Chan had pulled Jisung aside at the Third Eye, and asked if he was okay.

“I told you once,” Chan began slowly, “that everyone deserves to be loved, and that you’re no different. Of course, things have...changed,” he continued, and Jisung looked down, throat tight as he waited for Chan to finish. “But I still stand by what I said.”

Before Jisung could reply, the intercom crackled overhead. “The court hearing  for Han Jisung and the Miroh Heights Murder Cases will be resuming in five minutes. All attorneys, jurors, and participants in the trial, please report to the courtroom immediately—”

“Detective, you should get going,” a security guard spoke lowly to Chan, who sighed and nodded, pulling himself to his feet. As he passed where Jisung was standing, he stopped briefly.

“You’re a good kid, Han Jisung. Even if you don’t believe it yourself...you had better start to.”

“Chan—”

The detective had reached the door when he looked over his shoulder at Jisung. He had the same old mischievous smile on his face again, but his eyes were sad. 

“I hope we can grab another coffee together some time, yeah?”

━━━━━━━━

Seungmin’s head was spinning as he pushed through rooms packed with spectators and reporters until he finally stumbled into an emptier hallway. His eyes gleaned the plaques on the doors, searching for the room number the court clerks had given him after Seungmin had overheard their frantic conversation.

“We can’t just end the case here — the media and people’ll riot.”

“But we’ve lost a witness and the lead prosecutor of the case in one day — how the hell is the trial supposed to continue?”

The clerk wringed his hands. “We need to find out if there were any other prosecutors working with Kang on the case — call them in ASAP—”

And so, here Seungmin was — heart threatening to leap out of his throat, charging headfirst into a case that had been ripped out of his hands months ago. He had stepped into their conversation impulsively, and now a thousand warning bells were going off in his mind. 

Kim Seungmin was not impulsive. Kim Seungmin always calculated his plans perfectly, meticulously. It was one of the reasons why he had always been at the top of his class, graduating a year early with honours. Always praised for being levelheaded and thorough. 

Still, he thought, there had been one person that had seen right through him.

“You’re stressed,” you blurted bluntly, and Seungmin’s coffee cup froze midway to his lips. You were in his office, one of the many meetings you two had arranged in order to keep each other updated with information regarding Jisung’s case. 

“We’re all stressed,” Seungmin replied matter-of-factly, unsure where you were going with this, but you shook your head.

“But you try the hardest out of all of us to hide it. Tell me if I’m crossing a line here, but—” you looked at him, tilting your head. “You seem like the type who’s calm and collected on the outside to...hide the fact that you’re still wrestling with nerves, and insecurities, on the inside. Like a defense mechanism.”

Seungmin fell silent. Instinctively, he felt the urge to laugh it off, but in a fleeting moment, his mind wandered to his coworkers— their condescending gazes at who they thought was just a lucky amateur, a young imposter infringing upon a field with people twice his age. Since his first day at the law firm, Seungmin had felt an unbearable desire to prove himself worthy in their eyes, and the anxious feeling ate away at him every time he touched a case. 

Sensing the sudden change in mood, you quickly stammered, “I-I’m sorry, that was so unnecessary—what I’m trying to say is— it’s okay to be nervous. Don’t psyche yourself out with your own expectations for yourself. U-um—”

You trailed off, mortified, but Seungmin let out a small laugh, shaking his head lightly when your eyes widened in confusion. “No, no, it’s just…” You were smart and capable — anyone could see that — but always seemed to second-guess your own abilities. He found it almost endearing. “You really are a psychology major, Miss l/n.”

Seungmin rounded a corner and nearly slammed into someone that had just walked out of the men’s washrooms. Before he could apologise, Seungmin looked up into the man’s face and his gut twisted unpleasantly.

Prosecutor Kang seized Seungmin by the collar before he could walk away, his face livid. The younger man’s eyes darted down either side of the empty hallway, then back at his former senior. He had heard Kang was to be kept at the courthouse until the end of the trial, in case they needed anything from him. There were guards flanking every entrance and exit, so Kang couldn’t exactly escape, but seeing him walk around unsupervised still made Seungmin uneasy.

“S-sir, you can’t—”

“Do you remember what you said? What you promised?” Kang seethed, eyes wild as they raked Seungmin up and down. “‘I can handle it. I’ll find the culprit, and I’ll convict him. Death penalty, no less.’” 

Hearing his own words coming out of Kang’s mouth made Seungmin wince and shrink back. Kang caught his discomfort, grinning savagely before jerking his head in the direction of the holding cells, where Jisung was. “You’re taking over the case, aren’t you? Your culprit’s right there. Everything’s been laid out for you, it couldn’t be simpler.”

Seungmin let out a shaky breath, fists clenched by his sides. Before he could open his mouth, Kang pulled him in closer, voice dangerously low. 

“I always thought it was fishy, you know — someone your age, already entering the field? So I did my research.” Kang paused, smirking. “You’re a little prodigy, aren’t you? I didn’t know your parents were renowned lawyers, too.”

At that, Seungmin froze, shocked eyes darting up to meet Kang’s. It was true — born into a family of influential law enforcement officials, Seungmin had practically grown up reading about legal matters and judicial affairs. Despite his efforts to keep his parentage discreet as he grew older — hating the way their reputations always preceded his own — the expectations to follow in their footsteps had always remained suffocating. He loved law with all his heart, but his own family had become yet another reason why Seungmin had so much to live up to, and even more to lose.

The older prosecutor chuckled — Seungmin must have looked like a deer in headlights. “You can’t disappoint them, yes? You need to do everything you can to uphold the big family name.” Kang’s voice had a dangerous edge to it, like a blade. “My career might be over, little prosecutor, but I have far more power than you think. I can make sure you never step foot into this profession ever again. You want to prove yourself? To me, to your fellow prosecutors, to your parents? Here’s your chance.”

There was a snakelike glint in Kang’s eyes when he finally let Seungmin go, his words seeping through Seungmin’s mind like poison. 

Prove yourself. Prove yourself. A security guard had appeared at the end of the hallway, and without another word, Kang calmly turned on his heel, letting the guard escort him away. Seungmin watched his silhouette grow fainter, feeling sick to his stomach. 

Just how many cases...no, how many prosecutors had Kang manipulated for his own benefit?

He took a shuddering breath. Time was running out. Forcing his feet to move, Seungmin finally found the room, barely listening when the clerk quickly explained that the rights to the case were being transferred to him last minute. 

“Ten minutes, Prosecutor Kim. You have approximately ten minutes to prepare your case.”

The roomful of law officials were watching him with doubtful eyes — the same doubtful, scornful gazes that had followed him his entire life. Ten minutes. Picking up where Kang had left off would be the smoothest, most reasonable route. Preparing an entirely different argument, however, was suicide.

Seungmin glanced up at the clock, and his heart sank.

━━━━━━━━

The commotion in the courtroom sounded like the buzzing of an agitated beehive, the constant thrumming of hushed conversations and your own erratic heartbeat fueling the tense atmosphere. 

Hyunjin, Felix, Woojin, and you had sprinted straight to the courtroom after a rapid search for Seungmin had turned up futile — the prosecutor was nowhere to be seen, but judging from the murmurs you overheard around you, the case had been transferred into his hands with mere minutes to spare. You bit your lip nervously. This should have been good news, but you all knew that the odds — and time — were still against you. Looking the weariest you’d ever seen him, Bang Chan collapsed into the seat next to you. He tried to give you a reassuring smile, but as he turned away, eyes glued to the scene about to unfold, you saw that his features were strained and pale. 

With a creak that send a hush rippling through the courtroom, the doors swung open to reveal more familiar faces — the judge, the prosecution, the jury. Your eyes instinctively flickered to Jisung, whose expression was as guarded as ever, and instantly felt a pang of guilt in your chest. The rest of the room, however, had fallen silent before the judge had even spoken. All their gazes were trained on the new prosecutor that had entered the room.

Seungmin felt the stares on him before he even looked up, dozens of eyes weighing down on him as if he were a butterfly pinned to a specimen table. He should have gotten used to the stares by now — this was far from his first court hearing — but when he looked out into the faces of the audience, he still felt the same squeamish anxiety he had always tried so desperately to ignore. Their expressions were dubious, condescending, unconvinced — as if all to say, is this a joke? This kid is the new lead prosecutor?

The judge cleared her throat, pushing her half-moon spectacles back onto her nose. “Thank you for your patience. The court hearing for Han Jisung and the Miroh Heights Murder Cases is now back in session. You may be seated.” She turned to Seungmin, eyes narrowed. “What is the case the prosecution will be presenting?”

Seungmin’s mind was racing as he turned over the envelope in his hands — the envelope containing Kang’s case file — and slid out the papers with numb fingertips. As he did so, familiar words echoed in his mind — words he had been told since he had first chosen to study law, and words he had forced himself to live by ever since.

“You have a big heart, Kim Seungmin — too big. Learn to control your emotions if you want to make it in this field.”

“You have to be cold, quick, and rational. Kindness is a weakness.”

“There is no room for a wavering heart in prosecution.”

He had always taken the words like bitter medicine, beyond determined to prove to his older coworkers that he wasn’t just the incompetent young prosecutor they always made him out to be. Desperate to prove to his family that he was capable, that he wouldn’t tarnish their names. Every step he had taken had been careful, calculated, all so that Seungmin could win their approval, finally escape their suffocating scrutiny. 

“Your Honour,” Seungmin began, “as a prosecutor, I was taught that my duty is to defend the rule of law to ensure justice is served, no matter how harsh it may be.”

You watched the young prosecutor speak carefully, his grave expression making your gut twist. Kim Seungmin, Chan had told you once in passing, came from a family of established lawyers — a child prodigy with big shoes to fill, and everything to lose. And now, you realised with dread, his words seemed to be an exact echo of Prosecutor Kang’s.

Seungmin’s stomach was fluttering as if it were his first trial again, heart palpitating with each passing moment as he was seized with the sudden urge to run. Taking a deep breath, his gaze flickered up to meet yours in the audience — your blazing eyes, charged with emotion, your heart always written so clearly across your adamant features. You, who stopped at nothing in order to protect what you believed was right.

Prove yourself. Prove to everyone you’re good enough, strong enough.

He closed his eyes, knowing that he would regret what he was about to say.

“But I was also taught that a good prosecutor is one that uses the law to protect the people.” Seungmin swallowed hard, sliding Kang’s papers back into the envelope and dropping it onto the desk behind him. “Thus, the case I am presenting today is not one that intends to prove Han Jisung guilty of first degree murder.”

The entire room erupted in frantic murmurs, the judge hurriedly banging the gavel to maintain order. Seungmin caught a glimpse of Jisung’s expression — the boy was still looking down, but his face had paled in surprise at the prosecutor’s sudden declaration. Just then, the doors burst open, a red-faced clerk with a handful of padded envelopes ducking in and hurrying to Seungmin’s side.

“What you requested, sir,” the clerk explained quietly, handing him the envelopes, and Seungmin recalled the conversation they had had in the conference rooms, just before the trial had recommenced. 

“There are ten minutes remaining until we have to begin,” the clerk informed Seungmin worriedly, seeing the young prosecutor’s tense face. “Is there anything you need from the former prosecution? Since these are special circumstances, I can have them brought to you as soon as possible during the trial.”

Either ten minutes to gather the evidence he needed, Seungmin thought dismally, or ten minutes to build a strong argument from what he—no, Kang—already had. 

“Listen carefully.” Screwing his eyes shut, Seungmin continued, “Please fetch me Han Jisung’s camcorder footage — the memory cards — and Yang Jeongin’s Walkman tapes from Prosecutor Kang’s archives. All of them, immediately.”

The knot of anxiety in Seungmin’s chest finally began to unclench, the envelopes’ contents anchoring him in place with a reassuring weight. He turned to the judge, surprised at the newfound authority in his own voice. “The prosecution maintains that Han Jisung is not guilty of first degree murder. We will be presenting all the evidence Prosecutor Kang excluded, and examining the case from all angles so that the jury may form an accurate judgement and verdict.”

“That’s—an entirely new argument,” Hyunjin whispered incredulously beside you. “How did he come up with a case in ten minutes?”

“He didn’t. He’s building his case on the spot,” Chan realised out loud, a small smile spreading on his lips. He leaned forward with a glint of pride in his eyes. “Now that’s the Kim Seungmin I know.”

You watched as Seungmin called up his first witness, who was none other than Kang’s psychiatric expert. “You introduced yourself as the psychiatrist involved with this case — responsible for analysing the defendant’s mental condition, correct?”

The red-nosed man coughed nervously. “Y-yes, uh, well — the defendant was unwilling to speak during the evaluation, so we were unable to gain much personal testimony—”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Seungmin picked up one the envelopes, handing it to the court clerk and motioning for him to project the contents. “The following is recovered footage from a camcorder the defendant was gifted when he was six years old, and developed a habit of carrying around.” He turned towards the psychiatrist. “It’s raw, untampered footage containing experiences from the defendant’s childhood. I want you to watch it and answer a few questions. There is, however, graphic content, and I advise the spectators to view it with caution.” 

You saw Seungmin cast a worried look towards Jisung, and you knew how the prosecutor was feeling. After nearly thirteen years of Jisung hiding his past from even his closest friends, it was all suddenly being thrust under the harsh light — in front of a roomful of people who wanted to sentence him to death, no less — but you both knew that this was your last chance.

The projector whirred as the clerk inserted the first memory cards into the computer. The memory cards had been confiscated by Kang before you had gotten the chance to watch them yourself — what you did know about the footage came from the bits Chan had recounted for you after several insistent phone calls, and what Jisung himself had told you that fateful night. Uneasiness stirring in your chest, you watched as the screen came to life, blurry colours and pixelated outlines taking shape. 

There was nothing out of the ordinary at first — short clips of chipped action figures on dusty windowsills, or toy cars rolling idly across wooden floors. The footage was shaky, as if the person holding the camcorder could barely support its weight. Jisung had barely been six years old, you remembered, feeling a strange feeling of sadness wash over you. It was as if you were watching a movie you already knew the ending to, and all that was left in your gut was a sinking dread at what was about to come.

As the clerk flipped through the footage, a faint sound pricked at your ears, and you jerked your head up, listening to make sure you had heard right — and sure enough, there it was. Muffled shouting, like it was coming from another room in the house, something heavy shattering on the floor — and judging from the murmurs and faces of the spectators around you, they heard it as well. The camcorder was still pointed at the action figurines, but had frozen stiffly — as if the child holding it was listening, too. 

More scenes began to unfold, one after another. A birthday, six lopsided candles glowing on a small white cake. Jisung humming a familiar tune with a woman you assumed was his mother. And clip after clip where the camcorder was pointed at the ceiling of a dark room — Jisung’s childhood bedroom — as the sounds of arguing and yelling echoed through the walls. Slowly but surely, the scenes began to grow familiar. 

“February 22nd, 2005.”

The day Jisung had stumbled across another woman in his parents’ bed, and his father had terrorized him until he promised not to tell anyone.

“June 3rd, 2006.”

His face-to-face encounter with his father’s mistress, one that left scars in the form of cigarette burns, red-lipped smiles, and tainted touches.

“December 31st, 2009.”

The day everything had gone wrong.

Stomach lurching, you watched as everything Jisung had told you — his rough voice shaking in your darkened apartment, dark eyes holding nightmares of years long past — took the form of grainy camera footage. His father crashing through the doorframe, hands choking the life from the woman beneath him. Even though the camera quality was poor, the woman’s pleading eyes, rolled up towards the tiny crack in the closet where Jisung had been hidden, seemed to pierce directly through you. 

It all seemed to happen in a flash — in the blink of an eye, there were flames licking bloodstained floors clean, the camcorder out of focus as Jisung limped through thick white snow and finally collapsed on top of his mother’s cold body. The gritty screams of anguish and pain seemed to ring in your ears long after Seungmin stopped the footage, and you lifted a shaking gaze to Jisung’s face. His eyes had been cast downwards the entire time, but even from across the room, you could see his violently trembling jaw, the ragged heave of his chest. How many times had he lived through this footage himself — in his nightmares, through half-delirious flashbacks, every time he closed his eyes?

“Thirteen years ago, there was a massive fire on the outskirts of Miroh Heights. The Han house was burned to the ground and left a single boy alive, without any relatives to take custody. Unable to fathom what exactly happened, police filed it away as a gas explosion, and the boy was tossed around foster homes and orphanages until it was eventually forgotten,” Seungmin informed them. He thanked Woojin internally as he spoke — after mentioning several times that Jisung’s past sounded strangely familiar, the police captain had been the one to finally connect the dots between the two cold cases, thirteen years apart.

“There were initial speculations of domestic abuse, but they were never investigated thoroughly. The case was neglected, left cold, and when the statute of limitations expired, it was simply dismissed as another tragedy.” Seungmin nodded at the clerk again, who slid the next memory card in.

This card was filled with what sounded like endless psychological evaluations — disembodied voices introducing themselves as social workers, child psychiatrists, and the like, all mercilessly bombarding Jisung with personal questions. The first half was either entirely black or out of focus, as if Jisung had been holding the camcorder down and clutching it close to his body. They had all given up when the young boy could barely get his answers out, the lingering fear and untreated trauma having locked his voice in his throat. 

“He’s a lost cause.”

“Problem kid.”

“Impossible to treat.”

You clenched your fists every time a social worker left the room, muttering under their breath in annoyance. Then, as the clips grew clearer, a child with round, catlike eyes and a pale expression beginning to appear in several of the frames.

Lee Minho. 

“At the beginning of this decade, we all know that Miroh Heights went through an economic rift — workers were laid off, young children abandoned on the streets. During these times, child abuse and child trafficking cases also skyrocketed.” Seungmin spoke as the screen flashed, the scene now showing what looked like a filthy, unfinished basement floor.

“We witnessed a rise of ‘suicide killers’ — namely, perpetrators who would kidnap and murder their own family members or vulnerable strangers before ending their own lives. Many were acting on their anger and grief through violence; others saw it as a form of revenge.” 

With a wince, you remembered what Minho had told you on the rooftop of the hospital that evening — when he and Jisung had been lured into a man’s home by their own hunger, and woke up to him trying to kill them. The sound of approaching footsteps filled the speakers, the camcorder pointed at an awkward angle and shaking uncontrollably before it clattered to the ground, and the footage cut out.

When the next clip began, it was pointed down at wide-eyed, twelve-year-old Jisung.

“Ah, now this is jus’ perfect. The cops’ll love this, yes they will.” You shivered at the man’s hoarse voice behind the camcorder, flinching as the barrel of a gun was pressed to Jisung’s forehead. “Now, boy — I want you to beg for your life — go on.”

Frozen in your seat, you watched as all hell broke loose — the man pressing the trigger just as Jisung managed to cut the cords free, the camcorder smashing into concrete as Jisung fought for his life. When the lens finally focused again, what you saw made your blood run cold. A twelve-year-old boy kneeling before the mangled corpse of a grown man, cherub-like face drenched with crimson. You heard Minho’s shallow, terrified breathing behind the camcorder as Jisung turned towards him, the look in his eyes sending an icy chill down your spine. It was the exact same look he had given you when you had found him at the diner, screaming out his name as if trying to wake him from a nightmare. 

Emptiness.

Even through the grainy film, you could catch the moment Jisung’s consciousness returned to him, soft brown eyes shifting and focusing into a childlike, dazed expression once again. 

“Minho, can we go home?”

The footage sputtered to a stop. The visceral scene had been exactly as the coroner had described to you on the hospital rooftop, and yet nothing could have prepared you for it. You only realised how badly you had been shaking when Felix gently nudged you, peering at your face worriedly. When you forced yourself to unclench your fists, you winced at the red half-moon weals your nails had left in your palms.

“Both the defendant and coroner Lee Minho were involved in a kidnapping case, and subjected to extreme violence at the ages of twelve and thirteen. The perpetrator died in the incident. There was no culprit to catch. Once again, the case was buried, under the economic turmoil Miroh Heights was experiencing, by neglectful law enforcement.” 

Seungmin turned back to look at the psychiatrist. “Now, I’m no expert in analysing family matters, but I think we can confirm several cases of domestic abuse from this footage alone. Parental neglect. Repeated exposure to violence. Years of sexual harassment. How would you psychoanalyse a patient who has gone through these events?”

The red-faced man was evidently shaken, wiping the sweat from his brow as he stuttered out, “This — this is more than enough to cause severe cases of post-traumatic stress disorder.” His eyes darted around the courtroom nervously, as if the words were refusing to come out of his mouth. 

“He looks like he’s scared,” you murmured. “Like he’s still unwilling to talk.”

“Kang must have made some sort of a deal with him,” Woojin replied under his breath, shaking his head. “But it’s all over now — he’s got nothing more to lose.”

“You swore an oath before the trial began,” Seungmin pressed sternly, not taking his gaze off the nervous man. “‘I do solemnly declare that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.’ Tell me the truth, sir.”

Cowering under Seungmin’s hard gaze, the psychiatrist finally caved. “The...the fact that these events took place during the defendant’s childhood is even more significant. Children’s minds are—are molded from a very young age. The majority of your adult behaviour is shaped by what you’ve experienced as a child, you see.”

“Earlier, you mentioned the possibility of sociopathy. You reached this conclusion because of the defendant’s criminal records, and reported behaviour such as —” Seungmin pulled out Kang’s papers, quickly flipping through. “Theft. Pyromanic, destructive, and self-destructive tendencies.” He raised an eyebrow at the boys from the diner attack. “Bordering on multiple personas.”

“U-uh, well — using the information given during the previous trial, those symptoms did correlate strongly with antisocial personality disorder. But with this newfound context —” the psychiatrist lowered his head meekly, “th-the symptoms are actually closer to those of an individual suffering from extreme, untreated, PTSD.”

Exhaling slowly, Seungmin nodded at the judge. “Post-traumatic stress disorder. Let’s re-examine the defendant’s behaviour under this lens, then. How would PTSD explain violent tendencies in a child?”

“They’re a form of an exaggerated startle response — a sudden reaction triggered by something that upsets the patient. It’s a common long-term aftereffect of childhood abuse or trauma. Some patients fall unconscious, some experience panic attacks or seizures. In the case of Han Jisung...it came in the form of repeated violent outbursts.”

You thought back to the man Jisung had attacked, seemingly out of nowhere at the Yellow Wood — the dead man whose girlfriend, Chan had told you, had actually come to the precinct a few days before Jisung’s trial.

“She was crying real bad. I thought she would want him—Jisung—dead, that she would tell us to convict him, no matter what,” Chan had told you, the detective’s face still twisted in confusion. “And she doesn’t want to testify — she’s still dealing with the trauma, and doesn’t want anything to do with the trial. But y/n — the girl was crying for him. For Jisung. Said that the kid stepped in right when her boyfriend was hitting her, and — told her to go home.”

An exaggerated startle response. You remembered it from your classes, a sudden reaction triggered by something that upset the patient. Like domestic abuse. Unsolicited sexual approaches. Or, you shivered, little things — like the colour red. His father, his mistress, his mother, his kidnapper — did Jisung constantly see their faces in the shadows, in strangers that were repeating the same mistakes?

“The witnesses who knew Han Jisung when he was younger,” Seungmin continued, turning to the two injured boys from the diner, “also testified that he often changed expressions ‘like a mask.’ Assuming this is true, why might the defendant exhibit this sort of behaviour?”

“Abused children — or people who have experienced severe trauma — can develop dissociative habits. Disconnecting from past memories, information, or even present experiences as a defense mechanism...which is why the defendant might appear to change moods often, or show drastically different sides of himself in different situations.”

“In other words,” Seungmin said slowly, brow furrowing in concentration, “the defendant experienced so many traumatic events during his childhood, that the untreated aftereffects impaired his emotional development into adulthood. Which would explain why his startle response slowly morphed, on a larger scale, into something extremely violent and dangerous.”

The psychiatrist looked weary and defeated. “Correct.”

Motioning for the man to take a seat — which he did gladly — Seungmin pulled out the next envelope — the coroner’s photos from the Yellow Wood attacks. Wordlessly, he projected them onto the screen, eliciting small gasps of horror and disgust around the room. 

“Earlier, Prosecutor Kang argued that the violent mutilation of the victims was proof that the perpetrator performed these gruesome acts and mutilations out of personal enjoyment and depravity.” Seungmin turned to address the judge, voice firm. 

“Your Honour, under this new context, I would argue that the photos only serve as further visual evidence depicting the defendant’s mental state at the time of the crime.” He flipped through the images. “Multiple wound sites, messy blood spattering, extreme blunt force trauma. And—if the coroner was telling the truth—a stone from the scene of the crime as the murder weapon. All these signs lead us to believe that the defendant’s actions, no, his judgement, was acutely impaired. This response, these attacks, were triggered due to a pre-existing mental condition.”

The room shifted uneasily as his words sunk in, and the judge fixed her stern gaze onto Seungmin. “Does the prosecution have any evidence that directly refutes the previous claim of first degree murder? To prove that the murders were not premeditated, or intentional, beyond a reasonable doubt?”

Think, Seungmin, think. He racked his mind furiously, trying to recall every piece of evidence that you, Chan, and Woojin had gone through with him. Photographs, diagrams, testimony transcripts — Seungmin’s eyes trailed off to the pile of envelopes the clerk had brought, and landed on the packet containing Yang Jeongin’s tapes.

That’s it.

“Yes, Your Honour.” He cleared his throat, mind racing to connect the dots. “As we all know, the living witness of the Yellow Wood attacks, Yang Jeongin, was attacked at around three o’clock in the morning. He worked several late shifts for delivery companies around the town.” Seungmin nodded towards Jeongin. “What we did not know until recently, however, is that the witness had a hobby of recording himself during these shifts on his own Walkman.”

An alarmed murmur rippled through the crowd as Seungmin shook the tapes out from the envelope, handing them to the clerk. After several tense moments, there was a faint crackling, and the recording began to play.

The first tape held a medley of acoustic songs the delivery boy had mixed himself — just as you had remembered it.

The second tape was empty — the one Minho had stolen from the scene of the crime, and you had eventually recovered from his office.

When the clerk popped in the third, the soft sound of breathing and crunching gravel filled the room, and you shivered. This was the tape you had listened to with Seo Changbin — the tape that had turned your entire life upside down.

“I.N. here! It is currently...2:04 A.M.!”

You glanced at the faces around the room — everyone was on edge, and you felt no different. You could still hear Jeongin’s cry of surprise and pain echoing in your ears, the horrible crash as he hit the forest floor. What was Seungmin thinking? How was a recording of the witness being attacked going to prove Jisung’s innocence? If anything, it was incriminating evidence.

Jeongin’s cheery, oblivious voice continued until you heard the woman’s scream in the distance, muffled under the delivery boy’s distracted humming. Then, a man crying out in guttural pain — the man, you knew now, that had been killed by Jisung in the Yellow Wood. The sounds of leaves crunching and branches snapping under the bicycle wheels grew louder, and you knew that this had been the moment Jeongin had entered the Wood — heading closer and closer towards what would later become the scene of the crime. 

“Hello? Is everything okay over there?” There was a small gasp of horror as Jeongin caught sight of the body. “U-um. Is he—do you need help? I can call an ambulance. What hap—” 

It happened before you could flinch to cover your ears. The horribly familiar crunch of stone meeting skull, a cry of pain cut off by a deafening whump as the Walkman had slammed against the ground. The entire courtroom seemed to hold its breath as it listened, and only then did it finally hit you why Seungmin was playing the tapes. As the sound of another boy’s jagged, uneven breathing filled the speakers, you suddenly remembered what came at the end of the recording. The first time you had heard it, it had made your heart plummet straight down into the pit of your stomach, sending your entire world crashing down around you. 

This time, the fluttering in your chest felt almost like hope.

Han Jisung’s voice, choked with raw, horrified sobs, echoed through the room, and you saw everyone freeze.

“Who—why? Why is it you? Why are you here?” 

The crying was muffled by the sound of hands fumbling over Jeongin’s clothing, as if frantically checking for a pulse. Seungmin stopped the tape, turning towards the bewildered jury. “Do those sound like the words of a cold-blooded psychopath?”

The judge waved a hand towards Jeongin. “Can the witness himself attest to this?”

“I...I blacked out pretty quickly,” Jeongin answered slowly, furrowing his brow as if it still hurt to remember. “But the last thing I remembered seeing was...a boy’s crying face over me, trying to make sure if I was okay.”

“Can you identify this boy?”

Nodding, Jeongin pointed to Jisung.

“Furthermore,” Seungmin continued, tapping the cracked silver Walkman, “these tapes were found in Yang Jeongin’s clothing after he was admitted to the hospital. If the defendant had truly attacked Mr. Yang out of cold blood, he wouldn’t have left such incriminating evidence in the boy’s hands. And if Han Jisung had no idea he was being recorded, that rules out the possibility of him faking the recordings as well.”

“Even so,” the judge replied, stern eyes narrowed, “we cannot be sure that Han Jisung did not intend to leave Yang Jeongin to die. There are many murder cases where the perpetrator shows remorse almost immediately, but still attempted to cover up the crime.”

“Of course. However, Your Honour, you may also remember that Yang Jeongin was not found in the Yellow Wood where the attacks had initially taken place...but rather, the doorstep of Glow Cafe.” At this, Hyunjin looked up, eyes narrowed, and Seungmin motioned for the clerk to continue playing the clip. After several moments, you heard the rough sound of cloth scraping against the ground, growing louder and louder — as if something was being lifted and dragged. 

No. You could still hear Jisung’s broken breathing underneath the sound, and the realisation hit you.

Jisung was carrying Jeongin’s body.

You had thought the tape had already ended the first time you’d listened with Seo Changbin in his record shop — after Jisung’s voice had made you shove the Walkman away, not daring to believe what you had just heard. For days, it had sat, neglected in your apartment, until you had brought it into Seungmin’s office for him to look at. The next day, it had already fallen into the hands of Prosecutor Kang, but by some stroke of luck, Seungmin must have already managed to listen to it in its entirety beforehand.

“Yang Jeongin was found at around 4 in the morning, when Hwang Hyunjin, the owner of Glow Cafe, was awoken by the doorbell. The ringer of this doorbell was never identified, because any possible fingerprint evidence was already contaminated and rendered useless by the time Mr. Yang was safely transported to the ICU.”

The sound of dead leaves and dirt crunching under the soles of Jisung’s shoes gave way to hard concrete as he reached the main road. There was a soft thump as Jeongin was lowered onto the ground, Jisung’s laboured breathing filling the still night air.

Then the familiar chime of Glow Cafe’s doorbell pierced through the speakers, and you watched as Hyunjin jolted up, mouth falling open in disbelief.

“Yes. It’s exactly what you’re all thinking.” Seungmin turned to face the stunned spectators as the sound of Jisung’s footsteps grew fainter as he ran away, and the tape ended. “The defendant was the same person who saved him.”

The judge cleared her throat unsteadily, grim eyes flickering between Seungmin and Jisung. “Does the defense have anything to say to this?”

For the first time since the trial had started, Jisung lifted his head. He was met with a roomful of mixed stares — apprehension, curiosity, fear — and he felt his tongue immediately dissolve into dust, the words sticking to his throat like congealed poison.

When Jisung stayed silent, Seungmin spoke carefully, “A fair trial wouldn’t be complete without hearing from the defendant himself. In his own words.” His eyes were almost gentle, fixing a steady look on Jisung’s dark, wary face. “Would you like to testify?”

Your heart was hammering in your throat as the silence grew thicker and thicker. After what felt like an eternity, it was finally broken by the creak of the chair as Jisung pushed it back and stood up. To your utter surprise, he stepped up to the middle of the room, wordlessly turning to face Seungmin. Still, the look on his face held the same blank, guarded expression you had seen so many times when your sessions with him had taken a turn for the worse, and you gripped the edge of your seat uneasily, having no idea what to expect from this turn of events.

If Seungmin was as surprised as you were, he did a better job at hiding it. He muttered something to the clerk, who began to project familiar faces and photos onto the screen. The victims, you realised, and the crime scenes. A slim woman in her thirties, her thin lips a smudge of bright red, next to a photo of charred blood and bone. The prostitute.

“Do you recognise this woman?” Seungmin asked, pointing to her picture.

Jisung frowned, furrowing his brow at the picture. Something seemed to stir in the back of his mind, but there was a dull throbbing in his temples that made it difficult to focus. “I—I’m not sure.” 

Someone in the crowd made an unconvinced sound, and Jisung shrunk back. The pictures went on and on — a corpse mangled with chemical burns, a man’s body swinging from the rooftop, a bashed-in skull on the forest floor. Each image made Jisung’s head pound, the floor beginning to spin as if threatening to split open beneath his feet and swallow him whole. Did he recognise them? Glimpses of their faces flashed in the back of his mind like jumbled jigsaw pieces, but the more he tried to grab onto them, the more they fell apart. His fingertips tingled with the faint, itching memory of a stranger’s blood — strangers who, in a fleeting moment, had taken the shape of a former tormentor. Father. Mistress. Hurt. Pain. 

“I can’t — remember anything,” Jisung choked hoarsely. He remembered blacking out, and waking up. He remembered his nightmares, his flashbacks. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember the faces staring back at him from the screen. 

You sound insane, a voice in the back of his mind hissed. As he met the eyes of the jury, he could almost hear what they were thinking. 

You really are a psychopath. 

Sensing the doubtful whispering beginning around the room, Seungmin hurriedly moved onto the next question. “Let’s — let’s go back to the psychiatrist’s statements, then. Mr. Han, could you tell me what it was like growing up in your family?”

His question was met with silence again, Jisung screwing his eyes shut as the prosecutor’s voice echoed in his head. Family. It was a word that brought ugly memories bubbling to the surface every time, memories made of broken beer bottles and pale, bruised cheeks. His head was aching, a cold sweat forming in his palms as he clenched his fists, stomach churning. No. No. He couldn’t talk about it — wouldn’t talk about it — 

“Can you...tell me about your mother’s eyes?”

The abrupt, familiar question, carried by the prosecutor’s softened voice, was what made Jisung open his eyes again, the trembling in his hands stilling. The room around them was shifting with confused murmurs at the strange question, but Seungmin didn’t break eye contact with the younger boy. 

The prosecutor watched Jisung’s fists slowly unclench, brow furrowing slightly as he recognised the question, and Seungmin thought back to the conversation he had had with you over the phone after you had woken up in the hospital.

“What’s this?”

“A psychiatric analysis — on Jisung,” you explained, referring to the report files you had sent the prosecutor. “I know it’s not — not much, but...”

“For all we know, it might be the only existing verbal testimony that Jisung has,” Seungmin assured you. “From what I’ve heard, he’s never opened up to anyone before. What I meant was, why are you sending it to me?”

You bit your lip. “Chan isn’t allowed to stand trial, and I — I haven’t graduated yet, so my thesis won’t be taken seriously as evidence. I can’t testify as a psychiatric expert, either. But I thought that — I could at least tell you all the questions that lead me to his diagnosis. In case you get to question him at the trial — he’ll know they’re my questions. Maybe...he’ll finally change his mind.”

Seungmin sighed wearily. “I was removed from the case this morning, Miss l/n. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to step foot into the courtroom, let alone question him.”

And so the questions had been left, buried and forgotten in the back of Seungmin’s mind — until this exact moment, when he had remembered them just in time. 

What comes to mind when you think about your mother’s eyes?

Jisung’s vision went black as his senses were flooded with memories, nearly sending him doubling over. His mother’s eyes. The last time he had looked into those eyes, they had already been glazing over, the life in them seeping away as her blood pooled over the broken floorboards of his childhood home. His mother’s eyes. Suddenly, it was as if he was ten years old all over again, shrouded in the shadows of a cramped closet as his father strangled the life out of his mother right in front of him. 

Guilt, he wanted to say. Pain. The kind that never goes away. Blinking feverishly, Jisung’s gaze darted around the room — and when he finally found your face in the audience, he felt his heart stop.

You were looking at him with the exact same eyes his mother had, that day. 

From your first date to this very moment, Jisung never knew why you had always reminded him so much of her — you two looked nothing alike, after all. Wherever he went, he had always been chased by fragments of the nightmares he wanted to forget, demons of his past that had taken the forms of the man at the Yellow Wood, the red-lipped hooker, Na Jangmin, Park Beomsoo. And yet every moment he spent with you, he caught familiar glimpses of her instead — pieces of the only warmth, and happiness, and home he had ever known before it had all been cruelly ripped away.

For years, the only thing he had been able to remember was that day. How his mother’s eyes had been wide and pleading as she bled out on the floor, desperately shaking her head at him before finally falling limp. The flames and endless smoke seemed to eat away at his happier memories until there was nothing left but ashes and tar. 

But you made him remember a time before everything went wrong, when things had been peaceful, when he still had somewhere — someone — to go home to.

For thirteen years, he had been running from the memory, from the feeling, afraid that confronting it would make him relive the pain all over again. But now, for the first time, Han Jisung wondered if he had missed something else among those repressed memories all along.

His mother’s eyes as she shook her head one last time had been warm, not just because they had been filled with pain and tears — but because they had been blazing with one last, unspoken message. The same one he saw reflected in your own eyes now.

When you shook your own head gently, pleading eyes brimming with tears, the message finally rang clear in his mind.

Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Han Jisung, you have to keep on living.

Stunned, he tore his gaze away, only to see Bang Chan watching him with the same expression — then Woojin, Seungmin, Felix, Yang Jeongin. Even Hwang Hyunjin had worry written all over his face — worry for him — and it all suddenly hit Jisung like a punch in the gut.

Why did all these people fight for him?

Why had his mother died for him?

What comes to mind when you think about your mother’s eyes?

“Love,” Jisung breathed, his soft voice filling the empty silence. “Love.” The memories were coming back to him now — not in jagged, gut-wrenching flashes, but slowly. Steadily.

For the first time in his life, Han Jisung was in control.

“Can you tell me about your parents?” Seungmin pressed gently, seeing the tension slowly leave Jisung’s body.

“My parents,” Jisung repeated. His mouth felt like it was trying the words out. He remembered once, when you had asked him the same question, his head had felt like it was on the verge of splitting. Now, the memories felt strangely detached, as if he were telling someone else’s story. “They were happy once, or at least that’s what I’ve heard.” He paused. “My...father...never wanted to get married. They never planned to...have me, but my mother refused an abortion. They — it was a shotgun wedding,” Jisung finished quietly. “And then things got worse from there.”

“What was it like growing up in your family?” Seungmin tried the question again, watching Jisung carefully.

“My old man’s favourite thing to tell me growing up was how I was never wanted,” Jisung gave a weak smile. “I think you can imagine.”

You watched as Seungmin continued asking Jisung your questions, as if slowly coaxing the answers out from the darkness and painting the cold courtroom with the scenes of Jisung’s past.

“My mother was a waitress. The work was tough, but it didn’t pay much. My father convinced her to work more shifts, so that she was around as little as possible. During that time, he…” Jisung swallowed hard. “He had his affairs with other women when she wasn’t home, and beat her bloody when she was. She always tried to hide it from me, too — said the less I knew the better, but I was getting older, and my father’s anger was slowly shifting over to me. And when his...mistresses stayed over, they started noticing me, too.” Jisung fell silent then, and you suddenly thought back to the white burn scars on his arms and legs, the numerous unexplained markings on his stomach bringing tears to your eyes. How many more did he have hidden on his body, painful reminders binding him to a past he tried so hard to forget?

“Your Honour,” Seungmin finally broke the hushed silence, “with all the information taken into consideration, I think we can confirm beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant has witnessed numerous traumatic events during his childhood — and that they more than likely worsened his mental condition as he grew older.” Seungmin turned to Jisung, remembering another question you had written in your report. “How...do you cope with the past?” 

Jisung was silent for several moments before answering, his words echoing your last therapy session. “I...don’t….like to think about it, or remember it. Every time I do, I…” he trailed off unsteadily, and he tried again. “E-every time, I...I…”

His throat was closing up again, the words echoing in his mind as if mocking him. How was he supposed to explain the headaches that never truly went away, the dizziness that hit him like a punch in the gut? Or, worse, the gaps in his memories when he blacked out, making him feel as though he were slowly going insane?

Stay silent, whispered a voice in the back of his head. Who will understand you? Who will believe you? He looked back at the roomful of faces, their cold, wary stares piercing through him like knives. You were never meant to live. You should have died on that day, thirteen years ago— 

“Han Jisung, you are such an idiot.” 

The sudden memory of your voice cut through his thoughts and made him jolt in surprise— but it didn’t stop there, all the things you had once told him slowly growing louder and louder and jarring him awake from his own thoughts.

“You’re not the psychopath they’re making you out to be. I know you.”

He remembered the way you had relaxed and fallen asleep in his arms, even after you had found out they were stained with blood, because you trusted him completely.

“I don’t want you to show me. I want you to tell me. I want to hear it from you, in your own words, Jisung.”

He remembered your face every time he had tried to tell you about his past — your soft, patient eyes and gentle voice, the worry and genuine concern on your face that he had always mistaken for repulsion and fear. You had been shaken, definitely, terrified, even — but you had always been willing to listen to him speak, even when Jisung had been too afraid to try.

“I like you, Han Jisung. I. Like. You.”

He met your eyes across the room then, and felt a small, incredulous breath leave his lips. It was you — it was always you, who had the power to make the walls he had built around himself crumble to dust with a single touch; you, pulling him out of the darkness he had always succumbed helplessly to; you, who had finally woken him from the living nightmare he had been trapped in his entire life. 

You reminded him what it was like to live again. You made him want to live again, without fears, without regrets.

“Mr. Han? Could you please describe how these memories make you feel? How you usually deal with them?”

“I don’t know how to,” Jisung breathed out at last. “Every time I try to remember, my...heart starts racing like my chest is about to burst. My head pounds until I can’t see anything, and — it’s like something in there...snaps. And then I...black out completely.” 

Seungmin nodded, glancing back to the nervous, red-faced man. “Do you have...anything to add or deny regarding the psychiatrist’s diagnoses?”

“You were right,” Jisung replied simply, but he wasn’t talking to the psychiatrist. He was looking straight at you, and to his own surprise, a smile tugged at his dry lips. It felt like the simple sentence had somehow set him free. “I have trouble sleeping, because I always end up having the same nightmares. There’s missing blank spots in my memories when I wake up in a place I don’t recognise, with no idea how I got there.”

Jisung watched as your eyes widened, recognising his words — he was echoing the same symptoms you had confronted him about during your last therapy session, the ones he had coldly denied out of panic and fear. “I’ve always been afraid to let people get close to me. But sometimes, there are things that — that remind me of times that I’d rather forget, and before I know it, everything begins to spiral out of control.” He gave a small smile to Seungmin, who had stayed silent, surprised at Jisung’s sudden honesty. “That’s it, then. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

You watched as Jisung’s eyes flickered around the room, face as open and tranquil as a child’s — and that was what nearly broke your heart. Knowing that somewhere, beneath the prison uniform that was too baggy for his lean, tired frame, was the shell of a child the world had failed, a child that had given up asking to be saved.

“No further questions,” Seungmin said quietly, and Jisung walked back to his seat as the young prosecutor turned to face the judge. “Your Honour,” he began slowly, as if momentarily unable to find the words. “I think we have reason to believe that the attacks were provoked — not exactly by the victims themselves, but from past traumas that were never dealt with properly, and triggered again and again until they spiralled out of control.”

Seungmin raised his voice then, for the entire courtroom to hear, forcing his voice to remain steady despite the fluttering nerves in his body. “The scattered killing patterns were never planned. The correlations between the victims and causes of death don’t show a serial killer’s M.O., they show triggers.” He took a shaky breath. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, this isn’t a serial killer case. It isn’t the case of a psychopath on some nonsensical, murderous rampage. This is the aftereffect of a domestic violence case gone cold and swept under the rug over a decade ago — and we can’t afford to let it slip away again.”

The judge fixed Seungmin with a cold, steely look over her glasses. “Prosecutor Kim. Remember that you cannot — should not — let your emotions get in the way in a court of law. You are supposed to assess the case with cold reasoning and logic.”

Seungmin looked down, heart hammering in his throat. The Kim Seungmin he knew would have been ashamed, and apologised immediately. The Kim Seungmin he knew would have thought he was crazy for crossing the line.

He realised, in that moment, that he hated the old Kim Seungmin with a passion.

“Emotions don’t always get in the way,” he found himself saying, eyes flickering to you in the audience, “and they don’t always make you weak.” Seungmin thought of Prosecutor Kang then, and his voice grew stronger. “If anything, they keep you human.”

He looked back up at the judge now, whose face had frozen in surprise. “When did justice become so cold? We’re taught that the law is supposed to protect the vulnerable, not prosecute them.”

The judge looked visibly shaken, mouth opening and closing wordlessly as her eyes darted wildly between Seungmin and Jisung. Finally, with an unfathomable expression on her face, she turned towards the jury, clearing her throat unsteadily. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that concludes the evidence to be presented on this case. You are now to deliberate, and determine whether or not Han Jisung is guilty of nineteen counts of first-degree murder, assault, and arson. 

“If you believe that this has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt, then you should find the defendant guilty, and eligible for capital punishment.”

Capital punishment, you thought, the words sweeping a breath of cold across the room. The death penalty.

“The court stands adjourned until the verdict of the jury.”

━━━━━━━━

Over an hour had passed since the jury had stepped into the deliberation suite, and each tick of the clock on the wall made you more and more nauseous. You put your head down, hands buried in your hair as if that could calm the anxiety thrumming through your veins. A few times, you had heard shouting and angry, raised voices coming from the room the jury was in. Each passing minute seemed to make the weight of the situation more obvious, the tension in the courtroom thick and suffocating.

Felix was rubbing your back as soothingly as he could. “y/n, hey, look at me — deep breaths, okay? You’re okay—”

He was cut off when you lifted your head to look at him, cursing the tears already welling in your eyes. You hated feeling this way — you felt so weak and powerless, and just imagining how much of a mess you must have looked made it even worse. You promised yourself you would stay calm, but every thought that crossed your mind kept leading to another until you were exhausted and overwhelmed.

“They could walk out any minute, ‘lix,” you told him, voice wavering as the weight of your own words sunk in. “They could walk out any minute, and end his life.”

You couldn’t even say Jisung’s name out loud, let alone look him in the eyes. Felix watched as you wiped furiously at your own tears, the sight of you so distressed rendering him speechless, and he did the only thing he could think of. Grimly, your best friend pulled you into a hug, and his reassuring warmth in the cold courtroom made you want to break down all over again. Around you, you could hear mixed opinions being exchanged.

“That poor boy.”

“Who could have guessed the case would take a turn like this? But do you believe him?”

“A murderer is still a murderer — he’s too dangerous to be left alive, don’t you think?”

You were beginning to wish you had taken Hyunjin and Woojin’s offer to step out of the room for fresh air when the heavy doors swung open, making a hush fall over the room. The jury filed in just as Hyunjin and the police captain returned and took their seats.

“Order in the court,” the clerk called, and the judge cleared her throat.

“Has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?”

The forewoman nodded grimly. “Yes, Your Honour.”

“Those in favour of sentencing the accused, Han Jisung, to capital punishment, please rise.”

The words sent an icy shock down your spine, the entire room seeming to hold its breath as they watched the jury. You didn’t dare move, as if by doing so, you could prevent the next moments from coming crashing down on you, as if somehow, you could stop the horrible verdict from coming true. It was as if everyone had frozen still, time stopping for what felt like the longest moment of your life.

The ticking of the clock pricked your ears, and you suddenly realised that time hadn’t stopped. 

No one in the jury had moved to stand up.

“The jury returns a verdict of not guilty, despite believing that the accused committed the crimes he is charged with,” the forewoman standing at the front of the jury said, and the members behind her nodded. “This verdict was unanimous.”

“They all agree that Jisung killed those people,” you heard Hyunjin’s stunned voice behind you, “but they’re returning a verdict of not guilty? What does that mean?”

“Jury nullification,” both Chan and Seungmin spoke at the same time, and the room turned to look at the younger prosecutor as he spoke up. 

“The jury has the right to overturn the law, if they believe the law was used incorrectly—”

A reporter behind you blurted out angrily, “Are you suggesting that the murders were delusional, Prosecutor Kim?”

“Or,” Seungmin continued, his voice growing stronger than ever before as he saw the eyes of the judge and his coworkers widen in disbelief. I must be insane, he thought, but he couldn’t stop the words coming from his mouth. “Or, the jury disagrees with the law the prosecution has chosen to charge the defendant under.” He picked up Prosecutor Kang’s case file from the desk, flipping over the papers. “First degree murder.”

The forewoman nodded. “The law Han Jisung is being tried with was immorally and wrongly applied to him in the first place. We believe he caused the killings, without a doubt, but with the circumstances presented, we cannot convict him of serial first degree murder.”

“The previous prosecutor claimed these charges without making any effort to consider Han Jisung’s past,” one man on the jury added, “All the evidence proves a history of abuse and trauma that lead to an unstable mental condition.”

Their words sounded strangely familiar, and your eyes immediately widened when you realised why. “Those — those are the words from my psych report,” you whispered breathlessly to Felix, “Quoted, word for word. They must have all read your articles — we did it, ‘lix, it really worked.”

“But murder is murder. He should be held accountable,” a spectator protested across the room. He was immediately silenced by the bailiff, but not before Seungmin turned to him with a steady stare.

“‘Murder is murder’,” Seungmin echoed, “‘The world of law is cold.’ ‘The law is harsh, but it is the law.’  Those are the phrases you always hear in court. And those are the same beliefs that cost vulnerable people their lives.”

Hyunjin looked at Jeongin, whose gaze were cast to the floor, eyes stormy. 

Seungmin continued, “You lose your empathy, and mark complex cases like these under ‘mass murderer’, or ‘psychopath’ without bothering to truly investigate the gray areas, because you think doing so would be—” his mind flashed to Kang, “a waste of time.” He looked at Jisung now, a boy who had been confined by labels his entire life: problem child, delinquent, murderer, monster. “Han Jisung is worth more than that. There’s more to him than his past, than his abusers, than the mental torment he’s suffered through for years.

“He’s a boy who never got the chance at life he deserved. The system has failed him once, and we cannot — should not — hold his trial like this.” Seungmin turned to the judge one last time, eyes burning with sincerity. “Your Honour. Will you end this vicious cycle of use and abuse, once and for all? Or will you choose, once again, to sweep it back into the shadows?”

She was staring back at him with a look that should have petrified Seungmin on the spot, but he swallowed hard, forcing himself to stand his ground. There was a long, weighted silence. Finally, the judge shook her head slowly, and Seungmin swore he saw the smallest of smiles tug at her taut mouth as she turned to face the rest of the courtroom. 

You felt your heart nearly leap out of your throat when the verdict finally fell from the judge’s lips.

“I hereby pronounce Han Jisung...not guilty.”

If you hadn’t been sitting down, you were sure you would have collapsed onto the floor.

The world was spinning around you, the sheer relief washing over you in overwhelming waves and turning your limbs to jelly. In your peripheral vision, you saw Hyunjin’s mouth drop open in astonishment, Felix turning to you with an incredulous smile on his face, Chan and Woojin completely frozen. 

You barely registered the judge’s voice as she continued speaking, the rest of her words passing through you as if you were made of thin air. Pardoned on the death of his father and the arson of his childhood home by reason of self-defense. Regarding the Miroh Heights killings, the defendant was unable to understand the significance of his criminal actions due to a pre-existing mental condition. He is acquitted from the death penalty, and will serve no prison time.

However, he will be transferred to a psychiatric institution and closely monitored for the time being. The suitable amount of time he is to spend there will be prescribed on a later date after the case is properly re-examined...

People were talking around you, one of your friends was calling your name, and you swore you even heard a few people clapping, but you weren’t listening anymore. There was only one other person on your mind.

When your eyes found Jisung’s face, he was looking straight at you — with the same look in his eyes that had given you butterflies the first time you met him, and the same look in his eyes you had seen before you had fallen unconscious, bleeding out in his arms.

He was looking at you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world.

━━━━━━━━

“You had some nerve back there, Prosecutor Kim.”

The courtroom had been emptied out, and Seungmin had been collecting his files and notes when he heard a voice from behind him. At first, he thought he had misheard — people were buzzing outside in the lobby, the commotion so loud it seemed to be humming through the walls — but he turned around, and saw the judge walking up to him.

Bits and pieces of the trial came back to him, and Seungmin cringed inwardly as he met her hard gaze. Just how many lines had he crossed? Years of being careful, meticulous, completely down the drain— 

“You had some nerve back there,” she repeated, and Seungmin lowered his eyes. He heard her sigh deeply. “But you’re a fine prosecutor, Kim.”

Stunned, Seungmin raised his head, and realised with a start that she was smiling at him. “I haven’t seen your kind in a while. It was refreshing, to say the least, and it puts me at ease to know that this field still has people like you.”

She tucked her glasses into her robes, turning to leave.

“Never change, Prosecutor Kim.”

━━━━━━━━

“Prosecutor Kang, look this way!”

Kang was blinded by flashing cameras the moment he stepped out from the holding cell. The older prosecutor’s eyes were dark as he was pushed through the mob of reporters and citizens, the guards flanking him making no effort to be gentle.

“Is it true you hid crucial evidence from your own prosecution?”

“Did you bribe your own witnesses?”

“How many other cases have you tampered with?”

“None!” Kang snarled at the reporter, desperation rising in his throat like bile. “Lies—I’ve never wrongfully convicted a single person. These are all—” 

“You’re the liar.”

The crowd stopped, turning towards the voice that had shouted over them. Yang Jeongin was standing at the end of the hallway, his hands balled into fists at his sides. Just the sight of Kang was enough to make him tremble like a young child again, words stuck momentarily in his throat. This was the same man he had met in court all those years ago, the man who had mercilessly delivered his father’s life sentence with a snakelike smile on his pale lips. Taking a shaky breath, Jeongin mustered up his courage, and ran up to him.

“Please stop this already,” Jeongin pleaded, eyes searching Kang’s bewildered face for signs of guilt, remorse, anything. Kang didn’t seem to recognise him, and the young boy’s voice was breaking as he fought back tears. “Please tell the truth, just this once. I-I don’t know why you’re doing this, but—it doesn’t have to be this way—”

There was a gasp as a few reporters stumbled, and the crowd rippled forward. Kang was knocked off-balance, tumbling to the ground. He cursed, fumbling to get back on his feet — and saw a hand, outstretched towards him from a hoodie sleeve that was clearly too large for its owner. He looked up into the young boy’s face again, his fox-like eyes widened in concern, and finally realised with a jolt who he was talking to.

Nearly a decade ago, Kang thought — an old fool who had picked a fight with high-ranking company officials, no? And then the crackpot had pleaded with Kang, saying something about a son he had to take care of — a young boy— 

Jeongin put his hand on Kang’s arm when the prosecutor didn’t move, and pulled him up. “Mr. Kang, my father—”

Feeling a sudden rage surge through his body, Kang drew his fist back and punched the boy across his jaw. 

Jeongin crumpled to the ground, the side of his face already blooming with red. “You brat,” Kang seethed as cries of horror erupted from the crowd, guards seizing him and trying to pull him away. “What do you understand? Han Jisung, your old man — people like them don’t deserve to walk free.”

You had just stepped out of the courtroom when a commotion in the hallway had made you look over, the scene that had greeted your eyes making you freeze. Jeongin had been clutching Prosecutor Kang’s arm, looking up at the older man imploringly — and his expression had been genuinely kind, almost pitying, his mouth opening and closing frantically as though he were pleading with him. You had shaken your head in disbelief, trying to push through the throng of shocked citizens — only Yang Jeongin’s heart was big enough to look his parents’ tormentor in the eyes, and help him. 

Then Kang had suddenly struck Jeongin, and now the delivery boy was curling up in pain on the ground as the prosecutor screamed at him.

“They were foolish enough — depraved enough  — to violate those laws, and I charged them with what they deserved. It’s as simple as—”

The next thing you knew, you were in front of Kang, palm outstretched, and you had slapped him hard across the face.

The entire crowd fell dead silent, Jeongin looking up at you from the floor in dazed disbelief. Even Kang was speechless as he looked back at you, holding his jaw, eyes about to pop out of their sockets.

“It seems like you know everything about law, Prosecutor Kang,” you said, voice shaking with anger, “but you know nothing about being human.”

Kang opened his mouth, but for once, nothing came out. The hallway was erupting in chaos again as cameras clicked and flashed eagerly. The guards began to drag Kang away before it could get more hectic, your last glimpses of the corrupt prosecutor disappearing behind the reporters’ bobbing heads. As you helped Jeongin up, checking his head worriedly, you felt a hand pull at your own arm. You turned to see Hyunjin, and judging by the look on his face, he had seen everything.

“Is this just going to be a thing now?” The barista asked, side-eyeing you wearily as he held onto Jeongin protectively, “Are you just going to start slapping everyone who crosses you?”

“Maybe,” you muttered mutinously. “It’s faster, and less emotionally draining than negotiating.”

“You’re studying to be a therapist, y/n,” Hyunjin reminded you exasperatedly, and you let out a small laugh, pouting slightly. The barista smiled too, despite himself, and you both looked over at Jeongin. The boy’s eyes were staring over the crowd’s heads, through the lobby doors, and you realised he was watching the officers push Kang into the police cruiser — the man who had ruined his parents’ lives, finally handcuffed and headed where he was supposed to be.  

You turned around, and caught sight of another familiar face further down the hallway, standing perfectly still despite the crowd of people rushing past around him. 

Lee Minho’s face was turned away from you, his catlike eyes staring at something with the same, unfathomable expression you had come to grow so accustomed to. You remembered how you had once been afraid of the coroner and his strange, standoffish manner, but now, as you watched him from afar, you felt a small pang of sympathy. Minho always carried himself like a ghost, you realised — a shadow lingering in the corners of rooms and corridors, unsure if he was ever wanted.

You quickly excused yourself from Hyunjin and Jeongin and you began to push through the crowd towards the coroner. As you followed his gaze to the holding cell doors, they suddenly swung open, and Jisung stepped out into the hallway. Your steps slowed. The two stood facing each other for several long moments — two childhood friends, two lost children who had found their only sense of family — twisted though it had been — in each other. Minho’s face was hesitant, as if about to turn away, but Jisung had already begun walking up to him. You were too far away to hear what they were saying, Jisung’s back turned to you and Minho awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other. 

Then Jisung suddenly closed the gap between the two of them, and pulled Minho into a hug.

You watched as the ex-coroner’s mask finally shattered, the older boy’s face scrunching up like a child’s as he buried his head in Jisung’s shoulder. His entire body shook with silent sobs, as if something in him had finally been let go, a burden he had carried his entire life lifted off his chest. 

Eventually, the guards stepped forward, and Minho pulled away. He looked at Jisung with a small smile on his face — the first genuine smile you had ever seen from him — and you managed to catch the words forming on his lips. 

“Goodbye, Han Jisung.”

“He’ll probably need to go through a trial of his own.” Chan’s voice made you jump in surprise. He had come up beside you while you had been distracted, Felix and Woojin close behind him. He nodded at you by way of greeting before turning back to where Jisung was standing. “The coroner, I mean. But he’ll likely get around five years in prison, more or less.”

You watched as Minho was ushered away into another corridor, Jisung staring at the empty spot where he had once stood. Before you could reply, he turned around, eyes landing on yours — and all of a sudden, you forgot about the security guards flanking every doorway, the law officials and reporters brushing briskly past you. For a moment, it was as if it were only you and Jisung in the hallway, the entire world standing still around the two of you.

Since the last time you had spoken to him had ended with you slapping him in the face, you decided that it was only right for you to take the first step towards him. Slowly, feeling as if you were in a dream, you made your way towards him, Jisung walking the rest of the way to meet you in the middle.  

“Hey, you.” Jisung’s voice was soft, nearly inaudible, not taking his hazel eyes off yours.

You heard Chan chuckle behind you, shaking his head as he threw his arms around Felix and Woojin’s shoulders to steer them away and leave you two in private. The hallways had nearly cleared out, and for the first time in what felt like forever — if you ignored the guards watching a little ways off from the holding cells —  you and Jisung were alone together.

There were a thousand things racing through your mind right now, but you couldn’t seem to find the right words to say. 

“Five years,” Jisung tentatively broke the silence again, and when you looked back at him in confusion, he continued, “in the psychiatric institute. They told me five years minimum, on watch. But I heard...it’s a nice place.”

His lopsided, sheepish smile was as infectious as ever, making one tug at your own lips. When Jisung saw you smile, he relaxed just the tiniest amount.

“Y-you’re going to be okay?” You finally asked, feeling your voice waver. 

Jisung’s gaze softened, nodding. “You saved me.”

“No.” You shook your head firmly. You knew he was talking about Seungmin’s arguments, Jeongin’s witness statements, the article you and Felix had published — but it all might have been for nothing, you thought, mind flashing back to the courtroom, if Jisung hadn’t finally stepped up from his chair and faced his lifelong traumas in the form of one last, truthful testimony. “Han Jisung, you saved yourself.”

He fell silent at that, and you saw his hand instinctively move towards yours for a split second before he quickly stopped himself. Jisung’s arms were floating by his sides, as if wanting to pull you close, but he was holding himself back. He was afraid, you finally realised — afraid that you would push him away, afraid to ever hurt you again. And for some, inexplicable reason, the idea of a rift between the two of you that could never be repaired seemed to hurt even more than a switchblade to the heart.

“For some reason, I’ve been thinking back to our first date,” Jisung cleared his throat, one hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He probably looked like a nervous schoolboy in front of his first love, Jisung thought, cringing at himself as he looked away from your curious gaze. Well, he added as an afterthought, that wouldn’t be too far off.

You were his first love, after all.  

“I...I didn’t know how you felt that day,” Jisung continued, “or even the days after that, to be honest. I didn’t know if I was doing things right, or—”

“You took my breath away,” you cut him off, the honesty in your own words making your cheeks heat up. You thought back to the diner, to the blond boy who had rendered you speechless with a single heart-shaped smile. As an afterthought, you brought a hand to your rib cage, where a switchblade in that same boy’s hands had once punctured through your lungs, and you deadpanned, “literally.”

Eyebrows raising in disbelief, Jisung gave an incredulous laugh, but his gaze was fixed on the site of your wound. You could still see the deep guilt in his eyes, and, taking a deep breath, you reached for his hand, gingerly placing it where the knife had been. His skin was cool against your fingers, palm rough but familiar. “I’m okay, Jisung. It’s okay. But...why bring that up, all of a sudden?”

“I feel like that now,” he admitted softly, “the same feeling, but with a whole new set of butterflies. Always thinking about you, worrying about you. Wondering how you feel about…”

“Us,” you finished for him, and Jisung nodded slowly. Us. The word hung between the two of you for a long moment, and you took a shaky breath. A part of you wanted to reassure him, to pull him into your arms as if nothing had ever changed. But another part of you pushed that feeling away, knowing deep down that it was too late, that too much had already happened between the two of you to just ignore.

“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully, and you looked down, afraid to see the expression on his face. “I woke up that morning, and you were just...gone. I was so scared for you, I went looking for you...then one thing lead to another, and before we all knew it, the world had turned upside down. I-it might sound selfish, but after all...this, I think I’m going to need some...time.” You finally lifted your eyes up to his face, heart pounding. For a terrifying second, you thought you saw a flash of pain skip across Jisung’s pupils — but before you could be sure, his face broke into a relieved smile. 

“You’ve always been like this, you know?” He sighed, one hand reaching up to gently tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. Then, contrary to what you had expected, Jisung visibly relaxed. “Worrying about other people before taking care of yourself. You’re not being selfish, okay? Don’t...worry about hurting me anymore.”

You stared at him, the genuine warmth in his words suddenly making your throat close up with stunned tears. Jisung’s eyes, you remembered, had always seemed glazed over and unfocused — as if his mind was trapped somewhere else, far, far away. But as he looked back at you now, you were suddenly hit by how...clear they had become. He was here, perfectly focused on you, eyes filled with what you could only describe as pure adoration.

“I need time, too,” Jisung continued quickly, “I have...so many things I need to fix, to work on, and get better at—”

You shook your head furiously then, tears spilling onto your cheeks as you held onto his wrist. “W-want to love every part of you,” you whispered, forcing your voice to remain steady. “Don’t...don’t hide any parts of yourself, ever again. Okay?”

Jisung watched you for a long moment, brow furrowed as he gingerly wiped your tears, and finally gave a small nod. He cradled your face in his hands, eyes trying to memorise your features as though you were the most beautiful thing he would ever see. To someone else, you thought vaguely, you might have looked insane. A killer’s hands, they might have said, bloodstained hands. But as you gazed up at Jisung, all you saw was a boy who had gone through hell and came back smiling, a boy who loved you more than life itself.

You heard footsteps approaching, and looked up to see several security guards making their way towards Jisung. “Mr. Han,” one called gruffly, “it’s time to go.”

The sudden interruption made your mind go blank momentarily as any reasonable words — goodbye, take care — immediately dissolved on your tongue. The guards were getting closer and closer, and Jisung turned back to you, stammering. 

“If you ever want to—to do this whole...love thing again, start over properly, I—I promise I’ll try not to screw it up. I mean, if you’re sure—and only if you’re sure,” he paused then, sounding suddenly flustered, and for a second, he was your tousled-hair, golden boy from the diner again, soft cheeks flushed like windblown peach roses, eyes unsure yet hopeful as a child’s. This was the boy you had fallen in love with, over blueberry pancakes and Chinese takeout, on seemingly endless nights and through the darkest thunderstorms. Ever since you had made that promise, in a children’s playground beneath the setting sun, you knew that somehow, no matter what fate had left in store, you would always find your way back to him. 

Jisung was already being ushered away, the sudden absence of his touch on your skin leaving you feeling empty — but his last words brought a smile to your tearstained face.

“...I’ll be waiting.”

ryu says:

thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who made it to the end of this series; to everyone who came on this long journey with me, you made it possible and amazing every step of the way. at times, as my first ever series and long-term project, it was both daunting and terrifying, but i am beyond happy and honoured i could experience it with you.

i’ll see you in the epilogue.

[ninjakasuga]

More Sonally Headcanons!!

Well, sort of. They’re headcanons related to Sonic and Sally, but this is actually more of an in depth introduction to my fankids J.C. and Kathleen. Along with an addendum to my last headcanon I flagged for @boundforfreedomsonsal. Turns out as I re-read it, I left out a part for Sonic’s headcanon. The stay at home dad part, I barely touched and that bugs me, so here’s that segment fleshed out and then some info on J.C. and Kathleen! Sonic the stay-at-home-dad: As mentioned prior, Sonic knows he’s not cut out for the majority of what being Prince-Regent entails. Showing up for parties, events and giving back to the people of Mobius, he can do that. Ruling stuff, that is absolutely Sally’s domain. Sure he can offer his viewpoints and all that, but the long-term, big-picture view thinking isn’t his style. That said he doesn’t wanna be a lay about, nor just jam off on adventures and leave Sally doing the hard stuff either. When the children are born, Sonic sees a way he can contribute more after Sally’s maternity leave period is officially over with. Not that Sally intends to stop being maternal, but at some point she is going to need to get back to the day-to-day logistics of running the Kingdom. Motherhood is wonderful and she isn’t going to neglect it; but she has her duties she must fulfill. To help with this; Sonic figures he can handle some ‘solo parent time’ while Sally does her part of the ol’ Kingdom running bit. To which his lovely wife is very grateful for, but also concerned. She recalls some of the trouble he had babysitting his little brother and sister; plus these two MIGHT have his speed. Sonic as usual, brushes off the concerns with the ol’ charm and a smile. Of course this bites him in the ass when the kids DO start to show they have his speed. Especially when said children are still being potty-trained and their diapers don’t stay on due to the velocity of said speed. (Not trying to be gross here, but it is a scenario the two will have to deal with, I pity the cleaners at the castle). While Sally feels that she’s putting a large heft of the parenting responsibilities on Sonic, he points out it’s the least he can do. He can’t do what she does, and while they are BOTH together on the parenting journey, he can handle the tykes for some hours while she’s doing the Queen-y stuff and once she’s done; it’s family time all together. “Sal there’s gonna be times when I gotta do stuff and you’ll have the kids by your lonesome. It’s just part of the gig, you ain’t abandoning the kids, that ain’t you. Go on, be the Queen. Your Prince, will keep our babes safe and adorble!” Now onto the kids themselves: This kind of goes over their base personalities as they develop in their preteen-to-teenage years. Kathleen: The daughter of the twins (whose name is a meta-homage to Kath Soucie), who as she grows up, gains a tomboy streak and is very much the apple of her Father’s eye. Feisty, sly, and prone to mischief (at least moreso than her brother who can be mischief-y himself). Out of the two, she’s the one truly in love with their inherited speed, and the freedom it offers. While she can be a bit blunt, and snarky, she has a keen mind, and education that she can use to scary effect, when she wants. She’s not above using her ‘cuteness’ to get what she wants, as long as she uses it sparing on her parents who are WISE to her antics. As her Aunt Bunnie puts it “She’s a lovable troublemaker with Sonic’s knack for trouble, and Sally’s brains to get out of said trouble.... most of th’ time.” She also has picked up some mechanical aptitude after hanging out often with her Great Uncle Chuck, Uncles Tails and Uncle Rotor. She loves repairing things and trying to build her own gadgets or vehicles. Well once she builds one that doesn’t fall apart from her overzealous designs getting the better of practical usage. In a tense situation where trouble brews, she’s the most likely to start throwing punches, and worry about ‘why’ the troublemakers started trouble after they’re tied up from their punch-naps. Of the royal duo she doesn’t exactly try to slack in any royal duties she has, but the idea of adventuring across the planet sounds more keen than sitting on a throne or doing paperwork, or both. Despite being closest with her Father she does love and respect her Mother; if anything she sees her as the ultimate badass Queen; but she also loves to push her buttons, a lot. Lastly unlike her brother who aspires to be a decent cook, he isn’t, and she is, and she does love to rub it in J.C.’s face she can pull of ‘Uncle Twan and Aunt Bunnie’s recipes’ with gusto. Jaleel-Craig (J.C. for short): The brother of the twins (with a double homage to Jaleel White and Roger-Craig Smith), J.C. is the more serious of the pair, but in a more laid back manner compared to his Mother. Of the two royal heirs, he’s the one who takes their responsibilities to the crown seriously. That said he’s not in any rush to be crowned King either, feeling he’s still lacking qualities or the ability to see things his sister does that he feels make her just as good a potential ruler as she feels he will be. Just getting her to understand that is a tall order. Not unlike his sister, while he loves both parents equally and shares many traits with both; while Kathleen is the apple of Sonic’s eye, J.C. is Sally’s pride. Sharing a love of lore, history, and learning in general. It isn’t uncommon to find the two engrossed in going over books and tomes of lost lore they’re trying to regain after so much was lost in the Robotnik/Eggman wars. While he and his sister both were taught hand-to-hand and various self defense moves by both their parents after their kidnapping at age six; J.C. found himself favoring the use of melee weapons in conjunction to the lessons from his parents and extra martial arts from Aunt Bunnie. To this end, his Uncle Twan’ was happy to show the young man the way of the blade to which J.C. has proven proficient and capable to his Uncle’s delight. Plus it gives Antoine playful ribbing ammo to use against his Father. J.C. is also a skillful diplomat-in-training having picked up some skills from his Mother and some of the best silver-tongues on the planet. As much as he is the studious son, he still shares a streak of mischief not unlike his sister; he’s just much better at being subtle and under-the-radar about it. Alas one skill he aspires to master but for the time being, fails at is cooking. If it’s anything but his Father and Great Uncles Chili-Dog recipes, he finds himself burning water not unlike his Mother. The fact his sister who usually prefers junk food, can make Uncle Twan’s Crepes’ or Aunt Bunnie’s Peach Cobbler from scratch vexes him. Much like his sister, he does revel in the speed inherited from their Father, but he views it as a ‘with great power, comes great responsibilities’ viewpoint as opposed to his sister ‘freedom above all’ mentality of the super-speed. That said, he’s not above using it to help her preform pranks from time to time. A last bit of side information. After the kidnapping, as an extra safety precaution, Sally asked Nicole to create some helper A.I.’s to work alongside the children. A notion Nicole found not just a good tactical idea, but also endearing as it would in her eyes, foster a continued foundation of friendship and family between her own growing ‘cyber family’ and Sally and Sonic’s own. With some ‘help’ from a certain former Metal Sonic-turned-good (*cough*Shard*cough*), Nicole created her own A.I. ‘children’ to be companions for the duo, housed in upgradable ‘watches’ that would house the A.I. when they were away from the nanite-network of New Mobotropolis. Kathleen gained ‘Berri’ Nicole and Shard’s ‘daughter’ who seems split between trying to ‘reign in’ some of Kathleen’s more spastic tendencies, and yet from time to time; loves to work alongside her in her crazy endeavors as Kathleen gets her to ‘lighten up’ some, as their friendship grows. Sometimes two crazy minds work well together. Kathleen equates Berri to having a portable, nanit-hack-capable sis-in-crime. J.C.’s A.I. companion Fragment or ‘Frag’ as they coined as a nickname is a bit of an oddity. His default persona is that of a semi-stiff minder, who encourages his more academic past-times, and furthering his education. Yet at times Frag shifts into a female persona who sometimes uses ‘Fraggie’ as a nickname. Fraggie is more laid back, trying to get the young Prince to mellow out when his more serious side becomes ‘a bit much’. She also seems to enjoy trying to play match maker between J.C. and his crushes. Okay I hope ya’all enjoyed these tidbits on my fankids. Next time we return to headcanons about their parents!

[yanderenightmare]

BNHA HEADCANNONS

YANDERE ! SEVEN DEADLY SINS

goodiebag WARNINGS: yandere, abuse, dubcon/noncon themes, mind control, profanity, threats, torture themes, kidnapping, abduction, Stockholm syndrome mentions, stalking

YANDERE ! BAKUGO KATSUKI - KACHAN PRIDE CRAVES PROSPERITY – FEARS DEFEAT

Katsuki is, above all, a narcissist. He isn't overly delusional. However, his vanity knows no bounds. So, when he picks someone to be his soulmate, it’s very confusing and dawning for him when he realizes that his wishes won’t be met. He genuinely feels as though he is the perfect option for his darling, even though the option part of it all proves to become bendable after some time. After countless encounters, or so he feels, of him explaining and defining the situation of their relationship to his darling, something of which he considers as blatant fact meant to be respected, only to be met with laughter, she only brushing his bold statements off as simple jokes, he comes to the resolution that his darling is confused and doesn’t understand how great he is. And, what more, when his darling still has the audacity to refuse to appreciate his greatness, his superiority, even after numerous of his faked rescues, he realizes he simply needs to be a bit more aggressive with his approach. She obviously isn’t capable of taking care of herself, as delusional and naïve as she is. He is aware that kidnapping his darling is in basis wrong, he understands that she’ll need time to adjust, however he is confident, especially because she won’t be going anywhere anytime soon... this is where she belongs, safe and sound with him, whether she likes it or not.

One might mistake his drive for wrath, when in reality it’s passion. He’s prideful, but not without reason, he is a top-ranking hero after all. He craves prosperity; to always strive for a higher goal. And, although he’s not opposed, however not big on punishment, he’s very fond of rewards, as in: credit will be granted where credit is due. He expects his darling to show him the same form of respect. So, she better praise him for his efforts each time he offers them. Does his darling finally reach one of the goals he has set for them, either she finishes one of the meals he so lovingly prepared for her or she surrenders to him in between the sheets, she will be given a liberty and so on and so worth. Good behavior will be rewarded. This does however, by no means, make him and his darling equals. He takes his role as dominant very seriously, and makes sure to enforce this in the relationship each time he may feel his darling slip out of her role as submissive. He feels the unrelenting need to be above everyone else and for people to understand that they are beneath him. He fears defeat more than anything; to one day meet the realization that he isn’t, in fact, the best person to protect his darling. Never once realizing he is the only one she needs protecting from.

YANDERE ! DABI – TODOROKI TOUYA LUST CRAVES DEVOTION – FEARS LOSS

Dabi is a nasty, unrestricted, lustful dominator. When he decides that his darling is his, well… praying will do her no good anymore, it will only turn him on even more. The thing about Dabi is that he isn’t delusional whatsoever, unlike most yanderes. He’s very lucid during all his stalking. That’s what’s so very terrifying; he knows how very wrong it is… and he loves it. And, it isn’t even as though he can’t help himself. He never tries to or creates any sort of excuses for himself. Dabi has full control over everything he does, however… he doesn’t see why he should hold back even though he is fully capable of it. He has the power, and he will exercise that power as much as he so wishes. He knows she’s afraid, he knows she thinks he’s creepy, but… he quite enjoys that. He knows what he’s doing is not only criminal but borderline evil and is under no false impression that his actions are in his darling’s best favor. He knows kidnapping is wrong when he does that too, he just… doesn’t care, or… he rather gets off on it. He is confident however in fixing her attitude. He’ll make her like it. Through pleasure, through pain, through any shape of contact discipline, however many times it takes before she’s undoubtedly his and his alone. That’s how lustful for her he is. And though patience isn’t his strongest suit, he does enjoy playing games, which means he’ll savor every moment of stalking, fantasizing and humoring his plans before kidnapping his darling.

Like Katsuki, Dabi has a major superiority complex. However, unlike Katsuki, it’s not a fixation with the entire world, but one with his darling alone. He lusts for her in ways too painful to imagine. He craves her devotion; an unrelenting, unbound, unconditional devotion. This need is cultivated over several years of neglect. Since there wasn’t much he could control in his childhood, he needs his darling at his beck and call at all times. If she fails to please him, her actions will have consequences in the shape of blue flames. However, he’ll never inflict any severe injuries, he much enjoys and prides himself in changing her mind through pleasure instead. And, he’s pretty sure that over time she’ll grow to love those thumbprint hearts he singes into her skin, and there will be no need for his punishments any longer. He enjoys thinking that she might even one day ask him to burn his name into her chest, he just needs to fry her brain a bit beforehand. You can only hate someone for so long before that hatred turns to passion, until eventually the line that used to separate love and hate has disappeared completely. He knows this, and he’ll exploit it. He doesn’t fear much, but jealousy is unrivaled in his lustful heart. So much as though the mere possibility of his darling feeling the same love for someone else tears at his heart more than anything, which is why he needs to brand his mark onto her as well as keep her hidden away from the rest of the world.

YANDERE ! SHIGARAKI TOMURA  GREED CRAVES CONNECTION - FEARS ISOLATION

Tomura is starved. Starved beyond just famine, so much so that it’s more like death. The worst part of it all is: he doesn’t even know how parched he is. Not until he gets a taste of his darling, and only then does he realize that he is, in fact, insatiable. That’s why, after only one encounter, it didn’t take at all that long before she woke up in a foreign room, the remnant feeling of his fingertips evident on her skin. He couldn’t risk letting the opportunity slip out from his grasp, not when she was standing there so delectably, begging to be taken by him. Alike Dabi, Tomura is fully aware that what he’s doing is wrong, however he doesn’t enjoy it as much as Dabi does. He is fully aware that his darling doesn’t reciprocate his needs, however… they are needs. Undisputable needs. He needs her, he’s dependent on her. It’s not just an addiction, it’s beyond that, he can’t live without her. He just simply… needs her, there is no denying it, there is no ignoring it. And, because of this split-second realization of dependence, the kidnapping wasn’t a very careful or calculated abduction either, but then again… what’s the need for caution when you have the power to obstruct all evidence with the mere touch of your fingers? One could mistake it for gluttony, but there lies choice in being gluttonous. Greed however, greed is satiated only to awake with a newfound determination. Tomura’s greed is a hunger so rash, so incontrollable; unavoidable. No one can ignore hunger. In fact, if you let your hunger go on unmet, you die. Which is exactly what he has been feeling all his life, except not understanding it before she gave him a taste of what living actually feels like. Pray for his darling when she doesn’t satiate his needs, he doesn’t ever want to feel like he’s dying again. One knows how desperate people get in the face of death.

Tomura is very tenacious, as in: he’s not easily ignored or dispelled. He’s clingy and needy and unrelenting in his pursuit. He craves connection, his darling’s affection and her attention. And, he isn’t above hurting his darling in order to get what he needs. However, he would much rather prefer it if she didn’t scream or cry or fight him each time he made to touch her. He doesn’t want his darling to hate him, therefore he makes it his mission to get her to understand his predicament, that he needs her more than anything else life has to offer, that she is life itself in his eyes. As though that would help ease the situation. And, though his desperation calls for some sympathy, it does not serve as an excuse for when he touches her without her consent. However, she can only resist for so long when he begins threatening her family and friends and any acquaintances she’s ever made. He really doesn’t want to threaten her. However, his fear of isolation outweighs his fear of her hating him. And, not to mention… he fears what might happen if she were to isolate him, since he’s not one for self-control. He cannot control his frustration, or who he takes it out on, if she decides against giving him what he so obviously needs. She better think twice before disobeying him. He may not look it, but he is powerful beyond compare and ruthless in every step of reaching his goal.

YANDERE ! SHINSO HITOSHI GLUTTONY CRAVES CONTROL – FEARS DECEPTION

Hitoshi is a glutton. As in: he loves playing with his food, and hates when his food plays with him. Because of this: Hitoshi doesn’t flirt unless it’s absolutely necessary. And, when he does: it’s usually with people he’s trying to exploit and not with people he actually likes. He enjoys a much more straightforward approach with people he’s interested in. Hitoshi craves control over his conversations, flirting is too volatile and calls for too rigid and illusive information. Hitoshi views flirting as lying. It’s something one does to benefit oneself, it’s rarely honest and real and at all clear in any way. It’s manipulation, something of which he is in no dire need of and in no desire of either, what with his quirk and all; he can extract much more understandable answers. And, when it comes to his darling, he figures flirting isn’t necessary because… well… if he’s decided she’s his… there’s not much she can do to prevent it, now is there? Hitoshi is completely capable of taking whatever he wants, and he will. Although, he would much rather enjoy her offering herself instead, but he’s not picky, he knows better than anyone that God doesn’t give with both hands. Besides, he might be patient, however he doesn’t relish games unless he’s the one in control, and therefore won’t allow his darling’s antiques for very long. If she refuses to indulge him in his wishes, he will very well just make her. There’s not much she can do to stop him when he decides he’s had enough of her teasing. He loves making rules anyway, especially when they’re so easy to enforce. He’ll allow his darling many freedoms, unlike most other yanderes, simply because he has the means to make her stay, keeping her subconscious leash rather short. It’s safe to say that the kidnapping went pretty smoothly.

Despite craving control, the last thing Hitoshi wants is a counterfeit relationship with his darling. He wants and will strive to preserve those key elements that drew him to her in the first place. He’ll try to restrain himself from overusing his controlling powers too much, as so to let her personality survive what changes he’s adding to her psyche. He’ll kindle the flames of her spirit enough to keep them lit and flickering. Always sparking hope inside her every now and again to keep things interesting, also to test her progress. He never results to violence with his darling, not seeing how it’s needed when he has the means to correct her behavior without so much as lifting a finger. He finds that simply implying to use his quirk proves affective enough on its own. When she results to quit speaking and answering him altogether, he’ll simply wait. Wait, because nothing bites more than solitude, yet another thing he’s learned over the years. And, while relishing in each time she gives herself to him willingly, he cannot wait for the day where she finally comes up to him begging for him to ask her a question, pleading for him to take control, praying to be his little puppet on strings. If only for a little while, he so enjoys the taste of her mind in his clutches.

YANDERE ! TAKAMI KEIGO - HAWKS SLOTH CRAVES ESCAPE – FEARS REALITY

Keigo is not just one of the most obsessive yanderes, he is the most obsessive yandere, but… can you blame him? Ever since Keigo became a well renounced hero he’s become so used to getting what he wants, easily at that, especially females. He’s just so baffled when his lazy charms don’t work on the apple of his eye. He feels so out of his element when, instead of being flattered, his darling repels in disgust at his compliments. He spends multiple days pondering over what on earth he could be doing wrong. Approaching her again and again, winking his golden eyes at her, something of which usually has the ladies swooning and melting at his fingers. Stalking her quickly begins to feel too weird, and too frustrating for Keigo’s liking. All this pining over things he can’t have begins to remind him of his unpleasant childhood, where everything was out of reach. With that thought nagging at him, he realizes that he would much rather just take her. It’s so tempting when it would be so easy, just simply snatching her away for himself. Not much thinking would need to go into the abduction either. He has wings, hawks are birds of prey after all. The more he finds himself drowning in the thought the harder it becomes to stop himself when he acts on it. And, there he is and there she is: her mouth stuffed full with all the feathers he could spare to prevent her from screaming as he flies them back to his house. It was almost as though he had no idea what he was doing until she was safely stored in his bedroom, crimson feathers keeping her struggles subdued. His golden eyes; devoid of their usual suave nature and replaced by something frantic. The realization of what he’d just done coming down upon him. He results to rambling, stalking back and forth inside the room with his fingers interlocked in his hair, ideas on how they would figure things out along the way spilling from his lips in panic.

He really just wants to have fun with his darling. He craves levity and laughs, but it’s hard with all her screaming at him. Telling him he’s insane. Telling him he’s a monster, a demon, a villain. It’s exhausting. He doesn’t want to hurt her, but this behavior is intolerable and in need of punishment. He never means for it to go so far. He has a hard time controlling his temper, as if some other animalistic force takes control of him. Waking up to his darling’s skin bruised with his handprints, blood dripping from fresh cuts, tears running down red skin. He’ll apologize afterwards, kissing the raw skin he’s provoked. He’ll clean her up, praising her when she doesn’t fight as he undresses her for the bath and for when he decides to get in with her. Calling him delusional would be faulty, it’s more true to the nature of denial than downright insanity. He fears waking up one day to the realization that he’s destroyed a life and built his own around the rubble of it. He fears coming to terms with the fact that his entire reality is a disgusting lie. Worst of all, that it’s a product made entirely by him. So instead, he’ll tweak and twist and mend and bend and escape into his darling’s arms, forcing some more lies down his own throat and hers, and relish in those moments where it all feels somewhat normal and real in some shape or form.

YANDERE ! MIDORIYA IZUKU – DEKU ENVY CRAVES UNDERSTANDING – FEARS RESENTMENT

Izuku can come across as delusional alike Keigo, however it’s often a ruse where only some few delusional characteristics attribute and somehow condone his fixation. However, as Keigo feels he’s going through rehab, Izuku is experiencing a full-on overdose. But, no one can blame him when he commits all the acts he does with the amount of love he has. The entire population of Japan adores him, why can’t he carry the same amount of adoration for his darling? How is it wrong? Izuku loves his darling, worships her even. That’s why it hurts when she looks at other people the same way she looks at him. Doesn't she see that he’s better? Doesn't she understand that he deserves more? He can’t stand it. He won’t stand for it. He deserves his darling’s undivided attention because that’s all he ever gives to her. How dare she give others the light of day, when she so clearly belongs to him? She must be very confused... or at least he can make her believe that. Poor darling. Poor little bunny in a world full of wolves. He needs to save her. He needs to fight anyone and everyone who dares even look at her. They don’t deserve her. They cannot have her. But, Izuku’s smart, genius even. Despite his unrelenting, frenzied obsession, he’s still patient and knows how to work hard to achieve his goals. He’ll plan and plot and stalk until every single nitpicky detail about his darling is thoroughly written down in a notebook entirely dedicated to her. Izuku’s is at an advantage in this game as well, because most people look at him as a hyperactive spaz; a sporadic, nervous wreck, however… that’s not the case. Izuku knows how to focus, especially when it comes to things of importance. Everything will be perfectly in place for when he finally saves her.

Izuku isn’t a terrible guy, he tries to make that very clear. He’s a hero, a protector, a good guy. He would never put his darling in harms-way, he strives for the very opposite. He isn’t going to hurt her, he would never hurt her, however… act like an animal… don’t be surprised when he treats her like one. He won’t hurt her though. He’ll lock her up instead, like Hitoshi, isolate her until she begs for his companionship. He’ll welcome it with open arms and a smile that’s always a bit too bright and a bit too wide and a bit too patronizing. And, because he’s so very starve-touched himself, he won’t let her go until he’s had his fill, even if she changes her mind and begins to scratch and claw and scream at him to get off. Besides, if one form of discipline doesn't work, he’ll just move on to plan B. He’s much stronger than her anyways. This is how it is meant to be, Kachan taught him that much. He just wants her to admit that this is what’s best for her, that this is what she needs, the he is all she needs. He needs her to say it, to tell him she’s grateful for his protection from the outside world, protection from everyone’s bloody fingers that could stain her beautiful soul. He needs her to understand why he did this. He would hate for her to resent him, that’s truly the last thing he wants. He doesn’t really know what he would do if she were to tell him that she hates him… and he knows that neither of them want to find out.

YANDERE ! CHISAKI KAI – OVERHAUL WRATH CRAVES LOYALTY – FEARS CORRUPTION

As soon as Kai understands and recognizes in some pioneering act what’s happening to his heart when he is stalking his darling, finding his lips quirk up into an actual genuine smile, a smile of endearment as opposed to what other disgusting uses of the display he usually gravitates towards, and when he finds the familiar burning of pure rage fester a storm in his gut at the sight of her interacting with others, she is at once taken and isolated from the rest of the filthy world. He doesn’t think too much of it. He’s yakuza, the world belongs to him. He does do the act himself though. He wouldn’t usually like getting his hands dirty with jobs like these, especially when he has countless goons to do them for him, however his darling is a prize he cannot trust anyone expect for himself with. He cannot let anyone or anything touch his darling. He kills, or rather destroys, everything that he deems in his way to take her and keep her. The world is rotten and filthy and disgusting and it’s a miracle that something as pure as his darling even exists amongst all the death and decay and trash. It infuriates him that other people laid their hands on her. It enrages him that the world has laid its pesky paws and claws and tongues all over her. He will take his time in washing every spec that isn’t purely her away from both her body, soul, mind, spirit and heart. She will be so perfect whence he’s done; raw, pure, healthy perfection.

Alike many of the others: Kai might love his darling, but he is still very much in charge. He will not forgive insubordination easily and every act of disobedience will be reprimanded and corrected. Her loyalty is paramount to him. As in, she cannot go around breathing the same air as anyone but him. If that happens, people will die the outmost gruesome death and she’ll have to be thoroughly cleansed and punished. He will not shy away from disciplining his darling. It’s a very grave situation is she not to listen to his demands and follow them without hesitation. It can cause corruption in his poor darling, and that will not be tolerated. She should do what he tells her without question, to better keep her safe and pure and perfect and his. However, with the level of security he’s bestowed upon the compound of which he keeps his darling, there is very little room for her to manage to upset the construct of his wishes. But, keeping her out of defective areas is only one of his goals. Kai is not a kind man, he doesn’t try to be either. Kai is not a patient man, not when his goal is within perfect reach. Kai gets what he wants when he wants, no matter the objections. If his darling revokes, Kai has experience within the world of persuasion. Mere threats are almost always enough when they leave his lips. And, when his hands get involved, she better be begging him for mercy.

YANDERE ! TODOROKI SHOTO DESPOND CRAVES KINSHIP – FEARS ABANDONMENT

Shoto might come across as aloof, but he is fully aware of what he wants when he sees it. He doesn’t know how to flirt, he doesn’t want to give it a try and fail, so he doesn’t. He settles on simply becoming his darling’s acquaintance at first, slowly gaining her trust as a friend, casually stealing her personal belongings when she’s heavily asleep. He’ll be respectable, professional, slightly strange at times where he’s unable to control himself, but never anything too alarming. However, tiptoeing around is far from enough for him. And, with this pent-up obsession, he’ll settle for simply kidnapping his darling in the end. There isn’t much need for planning he decides, he has all the means to make her stay and keep her hidden, what with his powerful quirks, money and status. Unable to wait any longer, especially with knowing how easy it would be for him to simply take her and hide her away all for himself. It was almost as though she was begging to be kidnapped, if you ask him. He really doesn’t see how he could have gone about it any other way. If he had told her of his feelings, he would be risking being denied and everyone would soon find out, making it near impossible for him to try again. This was the only safe option. Besides, if he were to approach things in a traditional sense, there would be no telling that she’d be willing to indulge in what unorthodox activities he had in store for her. This way, she’ll have no choice. This way, he’ll get his way.

Shoto is nothing if not a sadist. Given his long line of family trauma, he is in desperate need to take it out on someone, to find an anchor. That someone unfortunately being his darling. He’s not in denial of the fact either, he is very well aware that he’s a monster, however… it isn’t his fault he became this way. He is in mourning. Only love can bring him though this, he deserves love, he demands love. He craves the love of a kindred spirit, and the more he breaks his darling like his father broke him, the more he will be able to love her and she him. He believes if he can make his darling love him, despite him being an utter monster, they will have achieved an unbreakable bond. He will try to be kind, to be soft when his darling is at her limit. He’ll even try to make the pain pleasurable, make it playful, with his quirks as toys for the both of them to enjoy. Besides, he knows how pain has a habit of becoming your friend once you’ve been introduced to it enough. His worst fear is being abandoned, he can’t go through what his mother put him through again. Which means he’ll be swift and merciless when it comes to reprimanding any escape attempts. Leaving him is not an option. His darling spends a lot of time with cuffs on all her limbs, just to satiate his fear of her running away. He might just break her legs if she ever manages a step too far away from him.

[bigskydreaming]

Couldn't the thing with Jason thinking Dick is infallible from Truth and Justice story come from how he is compared to his brother from Bruce. Even when he was Robin with Dick and Bruce fighting, he was told that Dick was better by Bruce. Then he comes back and is a cautionary tale of what not to and how not to be while Dick and Bruce are now getting along.

I mean yeah, you could go with that take, but I’m always gonna argue that even that is more fanon based than anything else, at least before this issue. We’ve seen a lot of that take in the past already, but truth is, there really isn’t that much basis in older stories for Bruce comparing Jason to Dick. And like I’ve expanded on in the past, younger Jason looked UP to Dick, he certainly didn’t resent him. 

With this being true even when he first came back - Dick was the only one he didn’t target at ALL during Under the Red Hood, and when he did finally meet up with Dick a year later, during the Brothers in Blood arc, it was more to fuck with him than any attempt to take things out on him. Like, that arc gets a lot of shit and deservedly so, but I really do wish more people would at least takeaway from it the fact that in it, JASON referenced still thinking of Dick as family. Which just doesn’t mesh up with all the ‘they barely knew each other/they resented each other’ takes.

Pretty much all the times I can think of when Jason was compared to Dick pre ADITF, it was actually not at all what its usually represented as by most fandom takes, such as the time Jason teamed up with the Titans. For pretty much Jason’s entire tenure as Robin up until the Felipe Garzonas arc, Jason was actually portrayed as perfectly secure in his position of Robin and wasn’t threatened by anyone else’s perception of him at all. Even the arc where he loses it on Two-Face has been kinda amplified to make more of it than it was, like.....Bruce was worried about the anger he expressed there, but that was more out of concern FOR Jason and it wasn’t the “Jason was on the verge of getting fired as Robin all along” kinda narrative we tend to see referenced. 

Jason was only made out to be the angry Robin or the less competent Robin or whatever AFTER his death, which is all kinds of shitty, but like......there’s no real basis for any kind of extended history where Jason resentfully suffered under his big brother’s shadow while Robin. The angry/less competent Robin stuff was all DC retroactively railroading him after the fact to justify their choice to kill him off (which was still their choice no matter the existence of a poll), and its the narrative most people have run with because it amplifies Jason’s existence as the misunderstood and unfairly judged underdog of the family.

Now to be 100% clear, as I’ve said in the past.....there is absolutely no reason you CAN’T go with this take if you don’t want to. Nobody has to abide by canon, or a particular canon and I’ll never argue otherwise. My main point has always just been that the thing about fanfic is that its a transformative process, it enables fans to take canon and transform it into something else.....but here’s the thing....those transformations ALWAYS happen with INTENT. People are deliberate in how and in what ways they transform canon, even if they’re not always CONSCIOUS of that deliberation.....it still exists. None of these transformations just happen, they happen for a reason. Because fans want an end result that’s different from what we saw in canon.

So my thing is always just.....yes, transform canon as you like, for whatever reason. But don’t pretend that those reasons don’t exist, and understand that when people look at a canon to fanon transformation that really only results in one major difference.......they’re gonna assume that this difference, achieving this difference, was for whatever reason, the POINT of the transformation.

And here’s where I also want to express something else: my take has never been that most of fandom just hates Dick Grayson. That they’re consciously, deliberately out to smear him or make him look bad. I think there’s a lot of elements in play with how I perceive fandom’s interactions with him compared to other characters, but more often than not, I think one of the bigger issues with how his character is TRANSFORMED from canon to fanon, is just.......he’s collateral damage. I don’t think in most cases the point is even to make actual transformations of his character or characterization......its to apply these things to people he’s in scene WITH......and he just ends up transformed as well, by proximity.

Take a look at some examples:

1) Dick firing Tim

Except as we’ve gone over multiple times, Dick didn’t actually FIRE Tim. He didn’t neglect him, he didn’t turn his back on him, he could have handled that situation differently, sure, but he had none of the ill intent people assign to him when they typically ramp up how bad this period was for Tim. Dick actually called him his equal, begged him to stay, said he was too GOOD to be Dick’s junior partner........but this is not at all how this moment in canon is generally viewed by a lot of fandom. He comes off looking a TON worse, like he just chose Damian over Tim and discarded Tim first chance he got, he didn’t care how Tim was affected, he kicked Tim out of the manor and out of Gotham.

But the thing is.....I’d argue that none of this TRANSFORMATION from canon really had anything to do with Dick. I don’t actually think that tons of fans were just waiting in the wings for the perfect opportunity to make a villain out of Dick and just seized upon this moment as the perfect opportunity. I think it was just all about Tim. It was about accentuating his misery, his aloneness, heightening the whump factor of his character and amplifying the feelings of insecurity, rejection and alienation he was feeling and that people related to.

What happened to Dick’s character in most peoples’ eyes as a result of this transformation, was the symptom, not the point. It was the collateral damage, not the aim.

2) Bruce firing Dick

In contrast, we have more than one canon interpretation of Bruce firing Dick as Robin, with this leading directly into Dick leaving the manor at a fairly young age, keeping his distance from Bruce until he finds out about Jason, Bruce giving Robin to Jason without acknowledging or apologizing for the fact that he was giving away the identity that someone else had crafted and poured their heart and soul into, not him.......but this isn’t how a lot of fandom outside of Dick stans and people who are specifically predisposed towards Bad Dad Bruce like to treat that part of canon.

Here, the transformation is the reverse from what happened with Tim and Dick. Here, the feelings of rejection and alienation and insecurity Dick realistically would have felt during that time are overlooked and even outright invalidated by TRANSFORMING the canon so that actually, this period of extended estrangement is completely disconnected from any version of events where Bruce fired Dick, which he did not do here. And in fact, Dick gave up Robin, he and Bruce had a falling out, and this was mutual and two-sided and thus Dick’s refusal to come home earlier and reconcile with Bruce was not actually him standing up for himself and refusing to settle for being taken for granted and dismissed when convenient but rather just Dick being immature, stubborn and a little spoiled.

But again.....I don’t think that’s the aim so much as a byproduct of the intended end result. Once more, I think that had very little to do with Dick himself, wasn’t about making him look bad specifically....but rather, it was about making Bruce look better. It was transforming the thing he had done in canon which was so hard to defend, ie ignore all of Dick’s feelings on the matter much in the way people accuse Dick of ignoring Tim’s later, and passively rejecting him and refusing to be the first to reach out unlike Dick who actively sought after Tim when he left. Those moments in canon definitively make Bruce look pretty bad, and are hard to reconcile with Good Parent Bruce Wayne, so that is what people are trying to transform. Once again, the way it makes Dick look in contrast is just a symptom.

The further examples are honestly pretty endless.

The aftermath of Forever Evil and Spyral is ignored, transforming Dick into the true villain of that period not because people just want an excuse to hate him, but because they don’t want to or can’t reconcile what Bruce actually did in order to get Dick to act so out of character, or they want to justify Jason and Tim and others’ anger at Dick later rather than have them appear to be inconsiderate assholes just piling on a guy who just had the worst year of his life to date.

The instances of Bruce outright abusing Dick after Jason’s death and at other times like Night of the Owls are ignored, transforming Dick into an impetuous, overly aggressive asshole who isn’t reacting to Bruce’s initial aggression, but rather just popping off the handle because he isn’t being received or treated just the way he likes.

Dick reaching out to Jason and making an offer to be there for him as Robin and later times they interact in Titans as well as any actual bond they build, even if mostly just hinted at off the page....all ignored in favor of transforming Dick into this bitter, jealous jerk who can’t see past his own feelings long enough to realize he’s taking things out on an innocent kid who doesn’t deserve this, even though that’s exactly what he realized and motivated his actual actions towards Jason in canon. And again, its not so much about making Dick worse, its about overlooking the WHYS of Dick’s hurt, turning the focus from what was done to him that justifies him being upset in the first place, to some greater mistreatment he enacts on Jason and thus drowns out any sympathy that people might otherwise have for Dick.

Dick’s periods of brainwashing like under the Church of Blood being overwritten or ignored in order to transform his deliberately out of character attitudes towards his friends and teammates there into just normal outbursts that were part of his characterization rather than signs that something was abnormally wrong with him. Thus turning everyone else’s treatment of him during that time period into again just their part of a two-way street and nothing they had to feel bad about rather than acknowledge that he’d literally not been in full control of himself while they had no such excuse for their behavior.

To be clear.....this kind of thing is NOT limited to just Dick. It tends to happen any time people want to transform a canon event into something more one-sided, to accentuate a particular character’s position as the victim or the misunderstood or neglected party.....or to turn a one-way street into a mutual antagonism, to lessen a particular character’s culpability in some argument or feud. You can absolutely find examples of this same effect applying to every other character in the Batfam as well.

But the reason it happens so often with Dick, and thus every instance of it happening tends to be amplified by the sheer volume of similar situations......is because of convenience. Because ironically, the reason Dick so often looks so bad in fanon’s eyes when it comes to his treatment of his family....is BECAUSE of how Dick is so much more integrated into every one of his family’s lives (and his friends’) than pretty much any other character. He’s the collateral damage to other characters being deliberately transformed in some way purely because he’s the one who almost always is THERE to some degree. Because there’s no one else in the scene that’s being transformed.

And so to bring it all back to your question......I think you absolutely can go with that take. There’s an argument to be made for it, especially now given that this canon issue has actually established a precedent for Jason feeling that way rather than fanon just running with the idea because it makes Jason more maligned. Its still not something that’s ever going to interest me though, even if I can see the reasoning for it, because its not just the fact that this particular dynamic between Dick and Jason has played out thousands of times before in fic, as I said yesterday. Its also because like I laid out here......my bigger issue is that take has absolutely NOTHING to do with Dick himself, says nothing about his character, but his character is inevitably the one who will suffer fallout from that particular take. That dynamic, as you described it, makes sense.....but its entirely, 100% on Bruce or others for raising those comparisons, not because of anything Dick did to Jason himself.....and thus it makes Jason’s dynamic towards Dick MORE a product of other peoples’ reactions and attitudes towards him and his brother respectively.

And that dynamic IS perfectly understandable and valid. But even if its slightly different this time because of more of a canon basis, it still for me falls into the same pattern of Dick being collateral damage to something that’s largely focused on another character entirely, with him and how he’s impacted by extension being kinda an afterthought. 

*Shrugs* And that’s just......a story I’ve read so many many times before, I’m just never gonna be all that engaged by it. 

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Vice and Virtue in Tolkien’s Works

I’ve been rereading Dante’s Purgatorio (easily my favourite of the three sections, both for having a very satisfying structure and for its themes of repentance and reform), and the structure inspired this post. Each level of purgatory has images, words, or both, associated with the vice being reformed and its corresponding virtue (the examples being drawn both from the Bible and Greco-Roman history and mythology) and it gave me ideas for a discussion of similar themes in Tolkien’s works.

The structure is: 1) Pride/Humility; 2) Envy/Generosity of Spirit; 3) Wrath/Charity; 4) Sloth/Zeal); 5) Avarice/Simplicity; 6) Gluttony/Abstinence; 7) Lust/Romantic Love.

1) Pride/Humility

Saruman: Our time is at hand: the world of Men, which we must rule. But we must have power, power to order all things as we will, for that good which only the Wise can see.

Frodo: I will take the Ring, though I do not know the way.

This is easily the primary emphasis in Tolkien’s works. The fall of all his main villains (Morgoth, Sauron, Fëanor, the Númenoreans, Saruman) and as well as other non-villainous tragic characters (Túrin, Thingol, Turgon, Thorin, Denethor) is characterized by pride - the desire to be the one calling the shots, the desire for greatness and others’ recognition of that greatness, the refusal to listen to the advice or views of others.

It’s there in Melkor’s desire for his theme to be the only one heard in the Music; in Sauron’s desire to rule the world and arrange everything as he thinks best; in Fëanor’s determination to take any advice, correction, or disagreement as a personal attack, his desire for rulership in Middle-earth, and his attitude that the Silmarils are more important than anything anyone else has done or created; the late-stage Númenoreans’ campaign of imperialist conquest. It’s there in Túrin’s, Thingol’s, and Turgon’s rejection of good advice; in Thingol’s attitude towards other peoples, whether it’s Beren or the dwarves; in Denethor’s conviction that Gondor is the only place and people of any account in the war against Sauron.

Humility, in contrast, is mainly seen in the form of hobbits. None of them have any idea what they’re doing when they leave Rivendell (Sam and Pippin don’t even know where Mordor is), and they know they’ve got no idea. They’re not going because they see themselves as specially skilled or qualified, but because it needs to be done. And that’s the very reason Frodo can resist the Ring so long, and Sam can resist it, because they don’t have any grand ideas of themselves.

The ability to say I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’ll try to do what’s right is pretty crucial to humility; even members of the Fellowship who are far more experienced, skilled and knowledgeable than the hobbits show it. Aragorn says it, in the search for Merry and Pippin when they’re captured by orcs. Pride could easily say I need to go with the Ring-bearer, that’s the most important task or I need to go to Gondor and lead the war against Sauron as their King. But Aragorn lets himself trust in other people doing their parts, and focuses on rescuing his companions - the thing that no one else is a available to do - even as the chase seems increasingly hopeless. It’s also seen in Gandalf, who openly admitted he was scared to go when the Valar first sent him, and wandered around as an old man in a battered cloak and hat, talking with everyone, rather than setting himself up as a Respectable Dignified Authority Figure the way Saruman did.

The Silmarillion has fewer examples of humility than LOTR (perhaps why things turn out so much worse there) but there are a few in the Leithian. Lúthien is another case of saying I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’ll do it because no one else will when she sets off to rescue Beren. Finrod walks away from his crown and realm to help a friend.

2) Envy/Generosity of Spirit

Denethor: I will not step down to be the dotatd chamberlain of an upstart.

Faramir: My lord, you called me. I come. What does the king command?

Envy is akin to pride, but I’m characterizing it as being specifically the resentment of being surpassed (or even equalled) by another.

Fëanor is again a major example of this, specifically in his resentment of Fingolfin and of the descendents of Indis more generally. Peoples of Middle-earth notes that he resented the name Nolofinwë (Fingolfin’s Quenya name, roughly means ‘wise-Finwë or ‘learned-Finwë’) due to regarding himself as not only the most skilled of the Noldor at craftwork (which he was), but also the most skilled at lore/scholarship (which he wasn’t), and likewise resented the name Arafinwë (Finarfin’s Quenya name). He’s in a mental place of resenting anything positive that can be said about his brothers as if it inherently detracts from him. And he takes the same attitude towards Men (‘No other race shall oust us!’), treating their very existence as a threat to the Eldar. Losgar is the peak of this: he’s willing to sabotage his own war effort to prevent Fingolfin from participating. This is contasted with Maedhros’ attitude after being rescued by Fingon, when he willingly gives up the crown and, later, moves across Beleriand to the most exposed section of the northern border to avoid conflict. His own status isn’t his priority; peace with his family and the best interests of the war against Morgoth are his priorities.

Denethor is another major example, seeing both Aragorn’s return and Faramir’s respect for Gandalf as personal affronts to himself. (Gandalf points out that the literal job description of a steward is to be in charge until the king returns. When the king comes back, that means you’ve done your job, not that you’re being demoted. Denethor is not interested in hearing this.) He’s also mentioned in the Appendices to have resented the respect and admiration recieved by Thorongil [i.e. Aragorn in disguise] during the days of their youth. In very similar ways, Saruman resented the high regard that some (like Galadriel) had for Gandalf, and saw Gandalf as a rival. Thorongil and Gandalf were not interested in rivalry; they were more interested in what was achieved than in who was achieving it. Faramir is the contrast here - he is interested in the good of Gondor, not his own status, and has no jealousy of Aragorn.

3. Wrath/Charity

Fëanor: See, half-brother! This is sharper than thy tongue. Try but once more to usurp my place and the love of my father, and maybe it will rid the Noldor of one who seeks to be the master of thralls.

Gandalf: It was Pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand; Pity, and Mercy, not to strike without need.

I would say that this is the third-most-emphasized of the vices in Tolkien’s works, after pride and avarice. And, of course, another Fëanor example: both his threat on Fingolfin’s life and his actions during the Return of the Noldor, the latter being driven by wrath primarily against Morgoth and secondarily against everyone else in his vicinity (Valar! Teleri! Fingolfin and anyone who supports him!). It’s the spillover that’s the problem, and the self-centredness; hating Morgoth isn’t a problem in and of itself, but Fëanor’s taking the fight against evil and turning it into a personal vendetta, with disastrous consequences.

Túrin is another example, most particularly in three events: causing the death of Saeros, burning the hall of Brodda in Dor-lómin, and killing Brandir. The former two are provoked, the latter isn’t, but all of them are sudden deeds of anger that only serve to make matters worse.

The contrasting virtue is charity, mercy shown to people that you have good reason to be hostile towards. Fingon’s rescue of Maedhros. Lúthien’s sparing of Curufin when he and Celegorm attacked her and Beren. Frodo sparing Gollum and treating him with kindness and compassion.

4. Sloth/Zeal

Guard Hobbit: It won’t do no good talking that way. He’ll get to hear of it. And if you make so much noise, you’ll wake the Chief’s Big Man.

Merry: Shire-folk have been so comfortable so long they don’t know what to do. They just want a match, though, and they’ll go up in fire.

This is comparatively less of an emphasis in Tolkien’s works than some of the other pairings, but I can think of some examples. The best one is Saruman’s takeover of the Shire and the subsequent liberation. Sloth is the characteristic hobbit vice (not gluttony; I’ll get to that); they tend towards being comfortable and complacent and don’t like being bestirred. Even Frodo dawdled around for half a year after learning about the Ring, mostly because he was reluctant to go. And under first Lotho and then Saruman, everyone (except Tooks) more or less puts up with an abuses because they don’t want the trouble or danger of standing up against them. It’s the return of Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Frodo, who have experience fighting evil on a much larger scale (and who can organize things) that spurs them to stand up for themselves and their home.

5. Avarice/Simplicity

Celegorm: For the Silmarils we alone claim, until the world ends.

Gandalf: I wonder what has become of [the mithril-shirt]? Gathering dust still in Michel Delving Mathom-house, I suppose.

Avarice is, I would say, the second-most-emphasized vice in Tolkien’s works, after pride. The central conflicts in both The Silmarillion and The Lord of the Rings are objects (they’re in the titles!): the Silmarils and the Ring. The Oath is almost the strongest possible expression of avarice, the most extreme statement of this is mine that a person can make; The Ring is an even more extreme expression, as Sauron makes an object that is literally part of himself. And both conflicts are resolved through the renunciation of claim on these objects, in Eärendil’s journey to Valinor (and the Silmaril becoming a star that is seen by everyone and owned by no one) and Frodo and Sam’s mission to destroy the Ring.

The Silmarils themselves are not evil; they are good and hallowed objects, and fights between elves, dwarves, and men are the result of the Oath (the kinslayings) and the connection with the dragon-contaminated and Mîm-cursed treasure of Nargothrond (Thingol and the dwarves of Nogrod). The Ring is evil, and inducing avarice is its most basic power, even among people like Sméagol and Déagol who could never actually wield it; letting it go is incredibly difficult, and Bilbo and Sam are the only people in the history of the Ring ever to do it.

Avarice is also a central theme in The Hobbit, and dragon-treasure is specifically noted as provoking avarice in people who are in any way inclined towards that vice. Smaug is practically a physical manifestation of avarice in his rage over losing one small cup that he has no use for from an immense hoard, and both Thorin and the master of Lake-town fall prey to the dragon-sickness.

I’ve given ‘simplicity’ as the antonym, and I thought of ‘generosity’ as well, but neither of those is quite right. The opposite of avarice is holding lightly to things, and it’s a particular virtue of hobbits. This is seen both in their birthday parties (the tradition of giving away possessions) and the Michel Delving Mathom-house, a museum for old heirlooms that people feel they don’t need to have around. The most beautiful example is Bilbo’s mithril-shirt (worth more than the entire Shire!) spending some time sitting around there.

It’s worth nothing that the vice of avarice in Tolkien’s works isn’t associated with having stuff, just with holding to stuff. Bag End being comfortable isn’t a problem. The Noldor having piles of jewels isn’t a problem provided that they’re sharing them and letting them go, as in the Noontide of Valinor (gemstones scattered on the seashore!) or Finrod giving them away in Middle-earth. The issue comes when the owning becomes what a person values; the signal that Fëanor is becoming too tied to the Silmarils is when he prefers to lock them away so no one else can see them.

6. Gluttony/Abstinence

Gollum: He’ll eat us all, if he gets it, eat all the world!

The lembas had a virtue without which they would long ago have laid down to die. It did not satisfy desire...and yet this waybread of the Elves had a potency that increased as travellers relied on it alone and did not mingle it with other foods. It fed the will, and gave strength to endure...

Gluttony is distinguished from avarice as the desire to consume things, not merely accumulate them. This is an interesting one, because Tolkien has no issue with the consuption of large amounts of food for enjoyment (which hobbits do frequently and enthusiastically!). As with possessions, enjoyment of physical things isn’t seen as problematic. The enjoyment of everyday pleasures is specifically discussed as morally desirable in a way that contrasts with avaricious accumulation (“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”)

However, there is one large (very, very large) example of the concept of gluttony as unlimited consumption and appetite: Ungoliant. Ungoliant represents not the hoarding of things, but their destruction, and is continually described with very physical terms of appetite and devouring. Shelob and the spiders of Mirkwood are lesser versions of the same concept. There are other mosters in the same vein: Sauron’s werewolves and Carcharoth. On of the names for Carcharoth is Anfauglir, the Jaws of Thirst, specifically invoking the idea of insatiable consumption.

And gluttony can be described more broadly as an form of overconsumption which uses up or destroys things; pollution could be a modern-day example. Looked at in that way, gluttony can be considered the end-stage of all evil in Tolkien, in the same way that pride is its beginning-stage. The ruin of the Anfauglith, the Desolation of the Morannon, the trees of Fangorn used to feed the fires of Isengard or hacked down for no purpose (and even Losgar, if you like) are all its work. Gollum (heavily driven by mundane hunger) grasps this when he fears Sauron regaining the Ring: “He’ll eat us all, if he gets it, eat all the world!” Ungoliant is the final stage of all evil.

In the same way that hobbits enjoying ample meals isn’t treated as a moral flaw, abstinence isn’t particularly notable as a virtue. However, it does come up in forms like Sam noting that lembas provides more endurance as the hobbits rely on it solely in their final journey to Mordor. This indicates that Tolkien regards the ability to go without physical pleasures when necessary as a virtue (also symbolized by Sam’s heartrending decision to give up his cooking gear!) but doesn’t place value on ascetism for its own sake.

If we want to expand on the metaphorical idea of gluttony as overconsumption/destruction, then we can also see healing/restoration as its opposing virtue, in forms like the box of soil that Galadriel gives Sam, which he uses to restore the trees of the Shire.

7. Lust/Romantic Love

Celegorm became enamoured of [Lúthien]...they purposed to let the King perish, and to keep Lúthien, and force Thingol to give her hand to Celegorm.

Beren: Though all to ruin fell the world, and were dissolved and backward hurled, unmade into the old abyss, yet were its making good, for this - the dusk, the dawn, the earth, the sea - that Lúthien for a time should be.

Lust is often regarded simply as a term for physical attraction, and its condemnation as a type of prudishness, but I’m going to present a different take, one that draws on its connection with the two preceding vices (the three are consistently grouped together by Dante). Lust is when the two previous desires, of ownership and consumption/use, are applied not to objects but to a person.

It’s an extremely rare vice among elves, with only a few examples in Elvish history: Celegorm, Eöl, Maeglin. In all cases, there is sexual desire combined with the desire for control, turning to violence when that control is thwarted: Celegorm’s imprisonment of Lúthien in the attempt to force her to marry him, and the later assault on her and Beren; Eöl’s restrictions on Aredhel and murder of her when she leaves him; Maeglin’s attempt to kidnap Idril during the Fall of Gondolin.

In contrast, the examples of romantic love, which are primarily the elf-human couples and especially Beren and Lúthien, combine desire with value for the freedom and identity of the beloved, and with self-sacrifice (or willingness to take on risks) for their sake. Beren’s song before setting out for Angband is a celebration of Lúthien’s existence, irrespective of what may happen to him. Lúthien counters with the expression that she does not want to exist apart from him, and purpose of lovers is to act together and to guard and support each other. Elwing runs through the waves to Eärendil on the shores of Valinor because she would rather face the same risks he does than be safe apart from him. Eärendil accepts immortality for love of Elwing. Arwen accepts death for love of Aragorn.

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

[vs-redemption]

who are your favorite top ten black clover characters & ships? talk about them! ~tat!

From Cindy: Hello tat! I hope you are doing well today and thank you for visiting my blog. It was really fun to write this because I got the chance to really think about the characters in depth. I’ll be honest, I’m not much of a shipper so I couldn’t come up with 10. I did my best to think of and write about as many ships and brotps as I could though.

Also, I got your other ask about BNHA as well! I have a Japanese lesson I need to prepare for this evening, but I’ll definitely get that posted tomorrow sometime!! Thanks again!!

This is very long, so I put it under a cut :)

Top Ten Black Clover Characters

Yami Sukehiro

I love everything about this guy. He’s hilarious, number one. Everything he says cracks me up and the nicknames he uses for people are gold. I like that he insults people and makes toilet jokes so casually. He comes off crass, but it’s the fact that he treats everyone equally that makes me respect him so much. He holds everyone, including himself, to the same standards. He doesn’t care about your past, wealth, appearance, gender, unconventional magic abilities or wacky personality. No matter who you are, he will call you out if you’re not acting the way you should, but will also back you up and support you when it’s needed. He’s a great leader because he treats everyone equally and is also very accepting that everyone is different.

Luck Voltia

Luck was one of the first characters I fell in love with. I don’t have a lot deep meaning behind how I feel like I do with Yami though. I just really enjoy his chaotic energy and the fact that he wants to fight people all the time. I also think his magic is super badass. His little lightning boots and gloves are so cute. I just wanna cuddle him and ruffle his hair.

Finral Roulacase

I feel so bad for Finral. This poor love starved boy doesn’t deserve the heaping amounts of anxiety he always seems to be feeling. I know he’s supposed to be the ‘perverted’ character, but compared to characters from other anime (Mineta [BNHA] Meliodas [SDS]) he’s not that bad. He tries so hard to be a gentleman by taking people on dates, complimenting them, giving them flowers, and not physically molesting them lol but they never give him a second glance. I also love his character growth so far. Watching him find self-worth beyond being just a mode of transportation, and confidence enough to stand up to his brother has been really fun to watch. I’m so proud of him and I think he’s amazing!

Zora Ideale

This guy. Haha His blunt honesty is so uncomfortable but hilarious at the same time. Like Yami, he calls people out but is somehow so much more offensive about it. I love how he just gives people unsolicited criticism and then adds injury to insult like “oh by the way, here’s a freaking stink bug in your nostril.” To be fair though, he is just as harsh on himself and will acknowledge (to himself) when he made a mistake. His backstory is also so tragic! It is seriously messed up what happened to his dad, but I love that Zora uses that trauma to try and change the word for the better by being the best magic knight he can be and also encouraging (threatening?) other magic knights to be better too. He could’ve so easily become a villain, but he didn’t and I think that’s really honorable.

Mereoleona Vermillion

Oh my god. I love this woman so much. The fact that she was supposed to be the captain of the Crimson Lions but said “nope” and then just went off by herself to live in the most dangerous places in the wild to get stronger is just phenomenal to me. I also really like that, even though she’s a royal and a member of the Vermillion family, she doesn’t just focus on her own squad. It was great when she showed up at the Black Bulls hide out and straight up kidnapped them to have them join her training. I’m just in awe of both her physical and mental strength. She was so cool when she went up against all those elves by herself. I’m not caught up with the manga, but I think I saw a spoiler about her recently and I’m very excited to find out more about it. I pretty much wish I was Mereoleona. She is my spirit animal.

Charmy Pappitson

There is a lot to adore about Charmy. First and foremost, she is an adorable badass. I love that her passion for food is something she shares with her allies and friends instead of being something that makes her greedy. I feel like Charmy is underrated because her magic is great for restoring mana, defense and offense. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t she one of the highest ranked knights in the black bulls? I also love how she gets away with a lot of shit just because she’s cute. The episodes where she straight up just hops onto the wizard king’s lap and feeds him snacks without anyone batting an eye get me every time!

Vanessa Enoteca

Sometimes I think about how Vanessa was willing to give up her own freedom just to save Asta’s arms, and how she gave up drinking for a few episodes in order to focus on a way to not only make herself stronger for upcoming battles, but the rest of her teammates as well. I like her dedication to the Black Bulls. Her thread magic is also pretty cool and I like the clever ways she’s learned to use it.

Fuegoleon Vermillion

Poor Fuegoleon is so calm and sensible compared to his siblings. I like that he’s a fair leader that makes sure to consider all angles before passing judgement on someone. He is also a dependable captain and full of great wisdom that aids in character development for important characters like Asta and Noelle. I love how he competes with his sister though, and watching them bicker in the episode where they throw a birthday party for that nun lady was silly.

Asta

How can you not like Asta? He has such a big heart and the best self-discipline out of anyone in the show. He would always rather talk things out before resorting to fighting and likes to understand the motivations behind the actions of his enemies. He is unashamed to be himself and continues to pursue his goals even when other people mock him or put him down. I also like that he is more perceptive of how people think or feel than it would seem sometimes.

Sekke Bronzazza

His personality is pretty much the worst (and I think he actually tried to kill Asta after the magic knight exam… asshole) but the way he always manages to fit “ha-ha” into his speech is so funny to me and always cracks me up. And the way everyone calls him the “ha-ha” guy is very amusing to me, especially when he tries and fails to politely correct them. I also love how he always ends up in the most random situations (in Yami’s bathroom or working for the king).

 Top Ten Black Clover Ships/BroTPs

Finral x Vanessa

I guess I just think back to that fight against the Despair guy from the Third Eye because both Finral and Venessa sort of worked together and pushed past their limits for the first time. I think Venessa is also the one that put the green in Finral’s hair, right? I don’t know. Venessa is good for Finral because he’s so insecure and she’s so supportive of other people. They’re cute together.

Yami x Charlotte

I think everyone ships this? lol Charlotte’s independence and personal strength are important to her, and the fact that Yami acknowledges and respects those traits in her makes them a great match. He also constantly encourages her to show her softer side, saying that it’s okay to lean on other people and ask for help. He could help her find balance and be comfortable in her own skin.

Asta x Mimosa

Mimosa is a much better match for Asta than Noelle because Noelle constantly needs validation and attention that she’s just never going to get from Asta. His brain just doesn’t work that way. Mimosa is content with supporting Asta with her magic as best she can, and doesn’t get jealous or competitive in the way Noelle does. Mimosa is soft and gentle which is a nice contrast to Asta’s loud and rough personality.

Yuno x Charmy

I know this is almost like a crack ship, but I can’t help but like it anyway. Like Asta, Yuno isn’t going to be the type of guy to actively pursue a relationship or be overly affectionate. This doesn’t seem to affect Charmy who seems fine with even the most minimal of interaction haha. I think it’s so cute how much she supports and roots for him when she sees him in a fight. And Yuno doesn’t seem to mind her trying to feed him and take care of him either.

Magna x Luck (brotp)

Lucky’s personality is quirky, chaotic, and frankly just difficult to understand, so I think it’s hard for people to get close to him. He comes on so strong with the pranks and desire to fight, plus he doesn’t really know how to hold back. The fact that Magna can endure all that while also seeing Luck as a person on a deeper level than just being some spazzy boy is really wholesome to me. I think it’s good for Luck to have someone who can respect him that way without asking him to change his behavior. I do not think this would work romantically though. Magna is actually pretty sensitive and emotional, and gets pretty upset when Luck is stronger or does better than him in something. It ultimately just drives Magna to work harder, but I think that sort of competition might be bad news in a romantic relationship if he’s always feeling inferior.

Yami x Jack the Ripper (brotp)

I want their friendship! I really do. The way they go from relaxed and having fun to ready to beat each other’s asses is hilarious. And there’s literally no reason for it, they’re just like unnecessarily competitive and I’m living for it. Whether they’re celebrating at a festival, about to have an important meeting with the wizard king, or in the middle of a huge fight with a major bad guy, it doesn’t matter. They will trash talk each other and probably end up brawling. I love it.

Gauche x Grey

The episodes where Gauche had to fight with Gordon and Grey were really cool because those three are probably the oddest oddballs of the Black Bulls. I don’t know if I ship them romantically or just at friends, but the development of the relationship between Gauche and Grey has been interesting and I wouldn’t mind seeing more. Also, please give Gauche something else to obsess over besides his sister lmao

Mars x Fana

I don’t have any strong feelings for them as characters individually, but I like that they fought so hard to protect each other as kids and how they continued to fight for and protect each other after being reunited.

[jackoshadows]

I know you're pretty into Jonerys as a pairing, and you mentioned that the show's special treatment of Sansa, at Jon's character's expense, bothered you. Did you feel this way towards Daenerys/Jon during season 7 and early season 8? As a Jon stan as well, I felt like they just casted him aside/made him her sidekick. I've always loved Dany but that bothered me at that time, did it bother you? Why or why not?

This is a bit long so under the cut it goes ....

First, I think I have made it clear what I think of the trash writing for show Jon. It’s been terrible from season 6 onwards where D&D basically gave him nothing. His parentage amounted to just making Dany paranoid, his white walker storyline ended with him yelling at a dragon while Arya got the big kill and his King In the North arc was more about how he should listen to Sansa because she’s Always Right. All Jon got was jokes about his height and how he was stupid and did not want anything.

If Jon stayed dead at the end of season 5, we could have still got to the same ending because ultimately he contributed nothing. I wish Jon had stayed dead on the show – it would have been a far more satisfying ending to his story arc then being used as a prop to advance the storylines of other characters.

Of course, Jon’s not the only character to have been totally assassinated in terms of plot and characterization. What D&D to Jon Snow is nothing compared to what they did to Bran Stark – arguably GRRM’s central character of the series. They had him sit out a season, gave his WF/North leader role to Sansa, and he had nothing at all to do in defeating the White Walkers other than sit under a tree. They gave him absolutely nothing. And then D&D had the gall to have Tyrion say that Bran had the best story? Fuck D&D and their trash show.

‘Bothered me’ is too understated lol. I loathe show Sansa - one of the most badly written, garbage, self-insert Mary Sue, trash characters ever written for a TV show. The difference between Dany and Sansa is that we have been following Dany’s development over several seasons where she has actually ruled city states, fought at the head of her army and planned battles. She has earned her position as Queen. Sansa on the other hand has done fuck all and then D&D decided that her brain suddenly grew 2 sizes after being raped by Ramsay Bolton and she was now super intelligent and an expert in everything – from armor making to defense planning.

The thing is, we know that Sansa is propped up at Jon’s expense because we have the source books. Jon is a capable and intelligent administrator and politician in the books – taken away on the show to prop up Sansa and give her something to do. It was Jon who rallied the wildlings to go attack the Boltons – taken away on the show to prop up Sansa. Jon is well adept in Northern politics and diplomacy – taken away on the show so that Sansa can ‘advise him’ and call him stupid. If Jon becomes KITN he does so by Robb’s will and as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell – taken away on the show to put Sansa in charge of WF and deny Jon an arc as an actual ruler of the North.

Now coming to Jon and Dany in season 7. I admit I did enjoy their interactions. Neither character was propped up at the expense of the other in my opinion and there was the thrill of these characters finally meeting. Jon and Dany meet as equals even though Dany is the more powerful monarch and Jon has gone there to ask for aid. They argue and debate (With Tyrion in the mix) and neither give way. It’s only natural that Dany would not believe and Jon understands this – as he explains to Tyrion. At the same time Dany is charmed by Jon and allows him to mine for Dragonglass. Jon continues trying to convince Dany of his mission.

Jon walks around Dragonstone meeting people like Missandei who tells him that Dany is a good Queen. When Missandei tells Jon these things, we know it to be true. Missandei was rescued by Dany and is now a Queen’s interpreter and councilor. She has genuine reasons to like and admire Dany. Compare this to Arya telling Jon that he should listen to Sansa because she is like the Smartest Person In the World! What has Sansa done to earn that qualification and why the hell would Arya think this after they spend season 7 trying to kill each other? 

Jon starts to be equally charmed by Dany at this point. And then Tyrion’s plans fail miserably and Dany loses Highgarden. She rejects Tyrion’s explanations and who does she turn to for advice? Jon Snow. He gives his advice as a suggestion (Instead of making it sound like an order like Sansa does) and she takes it – not attacking KL,  but instead the Lannister/Tarly armies.

In contrast Sansa thinks that Jon should do only what she says and compares him to Joffrey when he doesn’t follow her idiotic orders. That’s the difference between Jon and Sansa and Jon and Dany. Jon and Dany’s interactions are that of two monarchs who respect each other’s leadership and intelligence. Sansa on the other hand is a whiny, petulant, selfish brat who constantly undermines Jon before the other houses because she thinks she’s the expert at ruling and therefore wants to be queen. She even mocks Davos who has been a far knowledgeable and capable adviser to Jon than she ever was.

And then we have the end, with the idiotic wight hunt ending in disaster. Dany rushes to rescue Jon and the others, pledges to help defeat the dead and Jon sees what a generous ruler of the people she is and bends the knee.

The whole thing was rushed with hardly any time spend on them, but what we got made sense and I thought they matched each other perfectly in their idealism and desire to help their people.

As for season 8, yeah, I got nothing. It was trash and everyone was trashed. Was Jon sidelined? Yes, he was. But maybe that’s better than what they did to Dany? Because Jon was basically used to seed betrayal and make Dany paranoid and drive her down a path of madness and destruction and finally death. At least Jon got to be free and happy beyond the wall with his true family - the loyal freefolk - and Ghost. 

Ultimately Dany is a major character in the series with her rise paralleling Jon’s at the other end of the world on the Wall. They are Fire and Ice and their meeting and uniting to defeat the Others along with Bran and Arya will be a big part of their story and I thought season 7 reflected that even if it was rushed. On the other hand I doubt Sansa and Jon even meet again, seeing as their stories and characters are least connected in the books 

Show Sansa was dumped into Jon’s book plot and it then becomes Sansa’s story with Jon as a side character. This happened because D&D found Sansa’s book plot in the Vale to be boring and wanted Sansa at the center of the more interesting North plot in the books. This happened because D&D were writing for Sophie Turner instead of book Sansa. This also lead to the undermining of Jon’s relationships with his other Stark siblings like Arya and Bran. We got Arya supporting Sansa over Jon!! – that’s how shit the writing for the Starks became after D&D centered everything around Sansa. Show Sansa was propped up not just at Jon’s expense but at Bran, Arya and Rickon’s expense as well.

As for shipping, I have always maintained that both Jonerys and Jonarya is possible in the books. There is foreshadowing for both relationships in the books. There is the original outline and GRRM stating he is still heading for the same ending he came up with in the early nineties. But the show also hints at a possible Jon-Dany relationship. So we will have to wait for the books to see where GRRM is headed. Hopefully the next book will give us some more clues.

[mimixeu]

                              TV  TROPES    ⸺    eutask  number  five.                                       ➥    click  the  read  more  to  proceed.

EVERYONE  HAS  STANDARDS    :    mimi  has  a  big  reputation  for  taking  things  to  the  next  level.    she’s  mischievous,    loud,    and  somewhat  of  a  prankster,    and  while  it’s  all  in  good  fun,    there  are  some  things  that  even  she  won’t  do.    for  example,    she  tends  to  not  bother  people  who  she  knows  cannot  handle  her  teasing    (    i.e.  people  who  are  too  nice  or  way  too  innocent    ),    preferring  to  stick  to  those  who  are  of  equal  footing  to  her  but  are  easy  to  agitate  or  quick  to  rile  up.    even  she  wouldn’t  prank  a  child  or  the  elderly  without  good  reason,    or  go  so  far  as  to  cause  serious  physical  pain  and  injury  to  her    (    often  unwilling    )    victim.    she  might  be  a  troublemaker  but  she’s  not  completely  without  morals.

REBELLIOUS  SPIRIT    :    authority  is  mimi’s  least  favourite  word  and  she  very  much  makes  a  point  of  letting  the  whole  world  know  how  she  feels  about  it.    the  minute  you  put  down  any  sort  of  rule  or  regulation  in  front  of  her,    you  know  she’ll  be  heading  in  the  opposite  direction.    simply  put,    mimi  does  not  fare  well  with  responsibility.    aside  from  handing  out  free  smoothies  to  her  friends  when  she  has  a  shift  at  berry  bliss,    mimi  simply  refuses  to  attend  ra  meetings    (    much  to  their  chagrin    ),    and,    in  the  past,    turned  down  quests  and  ignored  advice  on  how  to  hone  her  abilities,    just  to  get  back  at  her  father.    on  top  of  that,    she’s  dropped  out  of  several  majors  in  the  last  five  years  and  has  a  tendency  to  skip  classes  that  don’t  pique  her  interest.    what  can  she  say    ?    she’s  a  slacker,    get  used  to  it.

DEADPAN  SNARKER    :    while  people  may  often  mistake  her  for  being  all  brawn  and  no  brain  thanks  to  the  rep  that  ares  house  has  made  for  itself  in  the  past,    mimi  never  fails  to  make  a  witty  comeback,    regardless  of  the  situation.    she  has  a  habit  of  mumbling  comments  under  her  breath  or  just  loud  enough  for  the  person  beside  her  to  hear.    most  of  the  time,    she  says  them  to  get  a  reaction  from  the  people  around  her,    whether  to  make  them  laugh  or  press  all  their  buttons,    but  she  can  never  resist  the  opportunity  to  make  banter  with  someone.    if  she  roasts  you,    it  usually  means  that  she  cares.

NOBODY  CALLS  ME    “  CHICKEN  ”    !    :    be  it  the  ares  in  her  blood  or  her  stubborn  attitude,    but  if  you  goad  mimi  into  a  challenge,    she  will  always  try  to  one - up  you.    she’s  a  very  competitive  person  by  nature,    and  it’s  perhaps  one  of  the  few  ways  she  has  taken  after  her  father.    many  of  her  childhood  years  were  spent  at  the  local  arcade  with  her  cousin,    trying  to  beat  kids  who  were  double  her  size  and  older  than  her  in  age  in  a  game  of  tekken  or  street  fighter.    she  takes  bets  very  seriously  and  absolutely  despises  losing.    while  she  often  makes  out  that  she  cares  very  little,    she  will  go  the  extra  mile  it  if  means  she  will  win.

(    note    :    this  trope  is  subverted  when  you  take  into  consideration  her  view  on  quests.    )

WHY  WE  CAN’T  HAVE  NICE  THINGS    :    if  there’s  one  thing  mimi  knows  in  life,    it’s  the  disappointment  that  comes  with  keeping  your  hopes  up.    she’s  used  to  losing  the  things  that  makes  her  happy,    people  she  loves  or  has  befriended,    and  as  a  result,    she  now  makes  sure  to  steer  them  in  the  opposite  direction  before  they  even  get  the  chance  to  let  her  down.    the  vast  majority  of  her  relationships  are  kept  on  the  surface,    preferring  acquaintances  over  the  company  of  close  friends.    it’s  not  healthy  in  the  slightest  and  she  knows  that,    but  it’s  the  only  thing  she  really  knows,    and  in  her  eyes  it’s  easier  and  far  more  humane  than  watching  the  same  cycle  repeat  itself  for  the  hundredth  time.    it’s  probably  the  only  time  her  odikinesis  has  ever  come  in  handy  for  her,    even  if  she  hates  herself  for  it  once  the  storm  has  died  down.

THE  NAPOLEON    :    at  five  foot  three,    mimi  sits  just  below  the  average  height.    her  eyeline  usually  meets  people’s  shoulders,    and  she  frequently  has  to  climb  on  top  of  furniture  in  order  to  reach  things  that  are  out  of  her  height.    one  might  liken  her  to  a  terrier  in  the  sense  that  she  is  small  but  incredibly  bold,    often  using  her  height  to  her  advantage  when  people  get  in  her  way  or  annoy  her.    she’s  scrappy,    and  certainly  has  good  reason  to  let  her  rage  get  the  better  of  her    (    plus,    you  know,    the  literal  fury  bubbling  beneath  the  surface  that  she  inherited  from  her  dearest  father    ).    however,    contrary  to  popular  belief  and  in  spite  of  her  brazenness,    mimi  has  quite  the  laidback  personality  and  it  usually  takes  a  lot  for  actual  anger  to  be  incited.

HIDDEN  HEART  OF  GOLD    :    not  a  lot  of  people  get  to  see  the  softer  side  to  mimi’s  personality.    she  keeps  it  well  hidden  behind  a  maze  of  walls  that  she’s  slowly  been  putting  up  over  the  years,    and  tends  to  push  people  away  when  she  feels  they  are  getting  too  close.    that  being  said,    it  does  make  its  appearance  from  time  to  time.    beneath  her  loud  exterior,    are  some  very  genuine  and  heartfelt  emotions.    though  she’s  reckless  and  somewhat  abrasive  at  times,    mimi  is  also  quite  loyal  and  tends  to  put  her  friends’  feelings  way  above  her  own.    if  she  loves  you,    she’ll  never  push  you  too  hard  or  too  far,    and  even  though  she  may  not  always  show  it,    she  does  form  attachments  to  people  very  easily.    once  you  have  her  heart,    it’s  yours  forever.

I  AM  NOT  MY  FATHER    :    to  be  compared  to  her  father  is  the  absolute  insult.    ever  since  she  learned  of  her  heritage,    mimi  has  hated  her  father  with  the  greatest  of  passions  and  has  even  gone  so  far  as  to  tell  him  to  his  face.    he  is  to  be  blamed  for  every  bad  thing  that  has  happened  to  her,    for  her  childhood  loneliness,    for  her  instability  when  it  comes  to  relationships  and  her  family’s  judgment  in  her  lack  of  ambition.    and  while  other  siblings  may  have  decided  to  prove  their  dissimilarities  by  trying  to  be  better  than  ares,    mimi  has  seemingly  taken  the  other  direction.    she’s  often  seen  as  lazy,    blasé,    irresponsible,    and  she’s  quite  proud  of  the  fact.    if  it  separates  herself  from  her  blood  then  she’s  more  than  happy  to  be  the  local  ares  let - down.