#community labels being in the place where tags used to be annoys me i keep tapping there instead

[cindersnowsstuff]

Long post. It's kinda rambling but I tried to make it make sense. Content warnings in tags.

I was out shopping with my mom the other day and she was making comments like "it's not fair you gays took the rainbow why can't everyone have it" and something about "why should pride be a thing when you guys have rights now?". I know she was joking around but it still annoyed me. Straight people have no idea what it's like to be LGBT, do they?

Yes we have (some) rights (in the us), but we had to fight for decades to get them. And we have to constantly fight to keep them since politicians are always trying to take them away again. And some places in the US are way less friendly to LGBT people than others, not to mention other countries where gay marriage and other things are still outlawed. Even if the US was some utopia, there'd still be other places in the world where we suffer.

I can't even watch the news anymore. People are always complaining about gay people in commercials or debating on trans people in sports. Cartoons with gay characters get cancelled or that content is edited out for international releases. A video game will come out with a lgbt character in it and I have to hear people whine about sjw pandering and wokeness ruining gaming every single time. Being gay or trans is considered inherently sexual. A young boy having a crush on a girl is cute and innocent, but a boy liking another boy is treated like it's perverse and predatory. We're accused of brainwashing and forcing children to be gay and trans. Bigots act like anyone can walk to a doctor and get hrt the same day and force children to take it. They make up whatever they want to make us look bad and other people eat it up.

Children are disowned by their parents and kicked out to the streets for coming out. Bullying and hate crimes against us still exist. People are beaten and murdered and driven to suicide just for wanting to be themselves. Conversion therapy still exists. Companies are willing to say they support us and put rainbows on everything as long as it's profitable for them, but they're happy to drop the act if they see it affect their bottom line. People continue to eat at chick fil a and buy harry potter merch even after knowing the profits go towards legislation to take rights away from us. Websites like this one flag lgbt posts as mature content whenever they feel like it. And they don't do anything about terfs and others spreading hate speech either.

People act like being gay was invented twenty years ago, but we've always been around. We're more visible now and we constantly face backlash for it. It's not a choice to be gay or trans, but it is a choice to be open and proud about it. And people don't like that. They complain about gays making their gayness their whole personality. They either want us to go back in the closet so they can pretend we're normal cishet people or they want us to just die.

I'm lucky that everyone I've come out as gay to has been accepting. But there's always that fear that someone will harass me or try to hurt me one day. I still won't wear pride shirts in public. There's other parts of myself I feel like I still have to hide. My mom is fine with me being gay, but what would she say if I told her I was ace or nonbinary? What would my friends say? I don't want to constantly correct people on my pronouns or risk getting made fun of for it. I don't even try dating because I feel like no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want sex. I don't want to be with someone who will guilt trip me into having sex or cheat on me.

I'm so tired of all of this. I'm tired of cishets telling us we're going to hell, and I'm tired of the infighting in our own community. Not everyone fits perfectly into labels. Everyone's personal experiences with gender and sexuality are different, and I wish everyone could accept that and move on. There's no one correct way to be lgbt, and trying to police other's identities is counterproductive when bigots view us all as freaks anyway. I tried explaining some of this to my mom at the store, but I wasn't able to put all of my feelings into words like I have here. I'm not sure if she'd understand it all even if I tried to say it to her. It's exhausting when people see us and think we're faking our identities or going through a phase or saying our identities are political statements. We're just people. I don't want someone to give me a strange look if I hold hands with someone or want to be referred to as they. I'm just a person and I don't want to hide who I am for the rest of my life.

[mishapeesha]

hello friends! i have decided to start writing a fanfiction (although I am......not that experienced with writing, but I will trY)

anyways! the pairing is obviously deancas, and since I’ve just written the first chapter, the tags will be limited until I further develop the story. The rating will change if needed, trigger warnings will be added if necessary, and so on!

the summary: 

A package is mailed to Castiel Novak, a 27 year old with unknowingly very limited knowledge on a certain aspect of his life. It’s filled with what seems like hundreds of letters all to him, a single person. Memories and confessions of love are penned within those letters. As time goes on, he feels drawn to the person on the other end and sets out to find them – and the letter’s inevitable true destination that ties the final loose end in Castiel's life.

ao3 link!: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28625316/chapters/70161738

i would really appreciate any feedback, or just boosting this would be pretty cool too! 

for anyone that doesn’t wanna read on ao3, chapter 1 starts below!

September 18th, 1992

           Castiel’s chest bounced as he jogged down the stairs aligned in a wide spiral, his eyebrow quirked up in confusion as his doorbell buzzed repeatedly with barely a second in between every ring. He winced at the harsh sound of it, noticing how military-like it was in the way that the alarm went off. It was always a task of his to get it changed, but he never got the chance to. Either because he didn’t feel like it, or because his memory disallowed him to remember something as unimportant as a doorbell.  

           “Coming!” He called out to whoever bothered to show up at his house so early in the morning. Castiel paused beside the bookcase placed beside his door, glancing at the mirror in order to adjust the loose strands of hair that spiked in different directions with the frantic brush of his fingers. He let out a sigh as his gaze shifted towards the reflection of the wall clock behind him, seeing that it was barely 7:05 am. Just as he turned to face the door, that annoying noise rang in his ears once more. Maybe one day he’d go through with that mental task of changing the buzz to something more audibly pleasant.

           His fingers wrapped around the metal doorknob, and a click emerged as he swung the door open, being immediately met with a man who he had never seen in his life. His eyes quickly scanned over the man, noticing that he was in uniform, so he classified him as harmless. What damage could a mailman do? Hand him a letter and give him a papercut? Though there was a look on the mailman’s face that Castiel couldn’t quite place. He was torn between thinking it was some sort of discomfort towards Cas personally, or just general exhaustion because it could just be that he was tired. There wasn’t really anything enjoyable about driving to several homes, handing gifts to so many people while barely surviving off of minimum wage and receiving nothing in return.

           “Castiel Novak?” The man asked, shifting in his spot momentarily as he held a medium sized box underneath one arm, and a clipboard in the other hand. Castiel took note that his name was Thomas after noticing the nametag attached to the pocket on the fabric of his blouse.

           “Yes, that’s me.” Castiel replied, opening the door slightly more after feeling more comfortable to do so. He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked past Thomas, wondering if anyone was following him, or if they were being watched. They seemed to be alone, so Cas stopped tapping his fingers against the wooden door, although he hadn’t realized that he began to do that in the first place. “Is there anything that you need of me?”

           “Well,” Thomas began with a nod. He cleared his throat and placed the clipboard in between his legs to use both of his hands, and then offered Cas the box he held. “We’ve had this in the office for a while now, but it was specified to be delivered on this day to this address, and to you.” He explained, biting his lower lip in what Cas took as some sort of minimal panic, or uneasiness. “The sender wishes to remain anonymous, however.” He added, as if it were nothing unusual.

           “Anonymous?” Castiel questioned and drew a frown onto his face. He shook his head and reverted back to closing the door, but he kept a smaller gap so that the two of them could still communicate. “I will not be accepting a box from someone who doesn’t wish that their identity is revealed. It could be anything, and I am not willing to risk my safety.” He deadpanned before he glanced down at the box, not trusting whatever was in it. Why would anyone refuse to mention their name unless they were someone dangerous and not to be messed with?

           Thomas stared at Cas for a few moments as he was now met with the confusion of what to do with the box now that the apparent receiver was blatantly rejecting it. He swallowed hard as an uncomfortable smile curled the corners of his mouth.

“Mr. Novak, I can assure you nothing that will hurt you is in this box. Not only is it very light, but it would also be a shame if this was thrown out. As I mentioned, this has been collecting dust in our office. It has been for the last four years.”

           Castiel froze at Thomas’ words, struck with surprise. He had absolutely no idea who sent the box, what was in the box, or why it was sent in the first place. Cas was Cas. The person he spoke to the most was his brother, and even then, he barely saw Gabriel to begin with. They spoke less and less as the years passed, and so Castiel was alone for the majority of the time. So, he couldn’t quite process how he had a package delivered to him, when he knew his brother barely had the energy to stop by his house for a quick hello. He was a generally distant individual. An outsider to himself, his family, and others.

This did not add up.

           “Four years you say?” He asked, tilting his head to the side as he looked between Thomas and the box, earning a nod in reply. He sighed in defeat and once again, opened the door. “You really can’t tell me who sent it? Surely you must know.” Cas said, raising his eyebrow as he finally decided to take the box from Thomas’ hold. “It isn’t heavy.” He pointed out in confirmation to what Thomas previously stated, now more so curious to know what he was sent rather than worried.

           “I’m not at liberty to say. I’m sorry.” Thomas responded and rubbed the back of his neck before he remembered to pull the clipboard from between his legs. “Could you sign this, please?”

           Castiel took the pen and scribbled a random signature on the piece of paper, nodding at Thomas who offered a small smile at Cas. “Thank you.” He murmured quietly, clutching the box to his chest.

“Of course. Have a good day.”

           “And you as well.”

           A creak erupted from the door as Castiel let it close on itself, and eventually the atmosphere fell back into silence. But suddenly, he became almost hyper-aware of his surroundings. He couldn’t tell whether it was his actual heartbeat that he could hear, or if he was overhearing some rhythmic beat from his neighbor’s home nearby. And he definitely grew irritated at the loud ticking sound of the clock on the wall that seemed to follow him as he dragged himself through the hallway to the living room.

           The walls seemed to follow his every movement, making Cas feel judged and uneasy. And just for a moment, a sense of guilt rose in him. There was no source for it, yet there was some inexplainable physical tug to what Cas held in his hands, allowing negative emotions to faintly flood into him. He was convinced that his thoughts echoed off those same walls, as any word spoken in his mind just sounded too intense and loud in his ears.

           Cas sat down on the couch, sinking into the mattress as he leaned forward to place the box on the coffee table in front of him. His bottom lip became a victim of his anxious habits where his teeth would peel at the loose, dry skin, drawing blood that lightly pooled into his mouth and presented a metallic taste.

           “What could you be?” He spoke out loud to himself, picking at the loose thread poking out of the couch. He exhaled and used his nails to tear off the tape sealing the box shut. It looked like an average box, which made any assumptions as to what could be inside completely impossible to Cas. It’s not like he expected a bomb to be inside, but he also didn’t expect a proper gift. So, then what? What made a box so big, yet so light at the same time? What was so important that it absolutely had to be sent to Cas four years later?

           Once he managed to tear the seals off, he took in a deep breath. He didn’t know what he would be getting himself into, and yet he knew there was absolutely no way he’d be able to keep himself from looking inside. So, before he knew it or could hesitate, the box was opened, revealing the last thing Cas would have expected.

Letters.

Lots of them.

           “What the hell..?” He breathed out, flipping the box over so that the letters scattered out across the table. His eyes widened in both confusion and shock, and he immediately reached to pick one up. He examined the envelope: Clean, neat, and numbered with a bold 30 on it that was also in the colour of purple. There was no stamp. There was no name. Just a singular number, and nothing more than that.

Or it would be nothing more if he decided to keep the envelopes tightly secured.

Curiosity killed the cat, didn’t it? Though at the same time, he really did have nothing to lose. A dance with death was the least of his current concerns.

By the look of things, it appeared as though there was a certain number of letters in the box, labeled from one to an unknown limit. For all that could be known, there could be fifty letters, a hundred, or a thousand. He doubted he’d read all of them, because what could possibly be so interesting that the writer thought it was imperative that Cas knew?

The bigger question was, who wrote them?

Castiel shuffled through the envelopes until he found the first numbered 1 in red. His mouth went dry, and his brain raced with questions that he had no answer to at all. He hated being blind to the truth, to be instead engulfed in a mystery, like his life was some sort of game. He wanted to know what was going on, and he wanted to know now. But given all that Cas was presented with, he knew it would be a long time before he knew what was actually going on. It could be days, weeks, months. All depending on how much Cas read, and how fast.

He fiddled with the letter in his hand, debating whether or not to open it. He had to. He could just read this one and throw the others out. And maybe he’d get the answers he needed in the first envelope, making it possible to ignore the others.

The paper ripped beneath his fingers, and soon enough, he held a paper in his hands. The first out of many.

Quickly, his eyes scanned over the words written, immediately blocking them out because he refused to jump too far in what was visibly so carefully put together. He wanted to take his time and appreciate the effort put into all of this. But he did take notice of the handwriting. It was a combination of neat and messy. Definitely readable, and a little too familiar. It was nice, simply put. But Cas could sense the desperation in the way the words were written. They were rushed, and well thought out of as well. Like whoever wrote knew what to say, just not how to say it.

Dear Castiel,

Knowing you, you’re probably freaked the hell out right now. And... Well, you should be.

Cas frowned and scoffed, rolling his eyes at the paper. Already, the letter was referring to him, and he had no idea about who was writing. Clearly, off to a great start.

Or not. Actually, don’t freak out. You don’t need that. Anyways…grab yourself that weird coffee that I know you like and get comfy.

What I’ve done here for you is write a hundred letters. Or I’m planning to, at least. Hopefully I commit to this. I guess if you’re reading this, I’ll have succeeded, so yay me, I guess. But I want you to really read them. To understand it all because there is so much that you don’t know. About me, about you, and more importantly, about us. I know you might be scared-

Castiel looked away and shook his head, setting the letter down on the table causing it to fold in on itself with how long it had been creased for. He rubbed his forehead and sighed, mumbling something incoherent underneath his breath. Not even halfway through the first letter, and Cas was already overwhelmed. Everything in him begged him to stop reading, but he couldn’t stop himself from reaching back towards the piece of paper and picking it up once more. He was certain that would be a decision he would regret in the future.

-and that’s okay. Fear’s good. Sometimes, at least.

Please, hear me out, alright? I need you to keep an open mind. You gotta, man. Or else this won’t work. I don’t mean to put on a show and get all dramatic, but I need you to level with me. To feel with me, and to get angry and hurt whenever you feel like it. I need you to bust open your damn walnut, and pull me out of that chest that you’ve got stuffed in there somewhere.  

Cas, you may not know me now, but I know you.

I’m writing this on September 18th, 1988. We met five years go..I don't really know when you'll get this. Could be ten years from now. Guess we'll see.

I need you to remember.

Work that big ol’ brain of yours and try to not be the dumbass that you tend to be. It's my fault you're in your current situation, but you need to try. If not for me, then for you.

We haven't spoken in so long, Cas. And saying I miss you won't change a damn thing because you don't even know who I am, but I do miss you. And you can take that however you want for now, but you'll understand it all eventually. If you decide to actually go through with this and read all that I've written for you.

“Situation?” Castiel asked out loud, as if he’d get a response. Of course, he was met with silence. But he still had no idea what was happening. He didn’t know what any of this meant, but he did know this had the potential to ruin his entire life. In fact, it felt like everything started slowly tumbling down already.

And yes, he had nothing. But was it worth the loss?

I’ll tell you everything. No plot-holes, not shit-holes, or whatever. All I ask is that you read. It’s that simple.

That’s all for now. Sorry for the short first letter. I’ll see you soon.

-Dean W.

“Dean?” He whispered, and at that, his chest knotted tightly as he took in a shaky breath. He widened his eyes and wheezed, an uneasy feeling creeping its way up his chest. So, the writer had a name. One that Cas mentally did not recognize, but he physically did apparently.

What the hell did the "W" stand for? He didn't know. Or rather he couldn't remember, according to what the letters were saying.

He set the letter down and stared at the others, scratching at his arm as he eyed the unorganized mess that had now grounded him in his place. Out of all of the things he could have received that day, he just had to get what was probably the most confusing thing he had ever been confronted with.

The possibility of fault grew, and all Cas could do for now was allow himself to become engulfed in the non-existent voice of a series of letters that he was yet to understand, and so rightfully dreaded.

[groovycatcollector]

The Wonderfully Right, And The Horribly Wrong (Daryl Dixon Love story)

Summery: After losing her brother and his wife, one young woman is left on her own, caring for a new born and trying to survive. After being taken in to a community after years of mistrust, how will she adapt, and what effect will a certain archer have on her. Starts the last episode of season 5

Warnings: slow-burn, angst, eventual fluff, violence, strong language. ptsd, age gap

Pairings: Daryl Dixon x OFC

Chapter 8

“We look like a danm ‘Baby and Me’ group” I joked, sitting across from Carl in the kitchen. Both of us had put our kids on the floor with pillows around them, making it a sort of make-shift baby fort. I poured us both some water before grinning like a mad woman with my chin resting in my hands.

“Who is she?” I sang, knowing I was irritating him. He plonked his big cowboy hat onto the table “If you’re gonna be annoying I can ask someone else” Carl looked as if he was trying to be an adult, and I looked as if I was trying to be a kid, bit of an odd pair.

“Who are you gonna talk to? Eugene? Morgan?” I was poking the bear, suddenly I pretended to be horrified, sitting back in the seat. “Oh no” He looked puzzled “Oh sweet Jesus no” I exclaimed. “You” I jolted forward pointing an accusatory finger at him “You were gonna talk to Abraham weren’t you?”

He looked at me blankly, arms crossed “Nina” I sat back, my outburst over. “I’m just saying he’s shit with the ladies” I missed goofing around with people, Carl reminded me of Beau, the baby’s daddy; Serious, a bit shy but as sweet as sugar on the inside. “Seriously who is she” I said again, a bit more serious. “Or at least what kind of person she is”

He talked, talked a good bit, and even though it obviously was Enid he still wouldn’t confess. I’ve seen her walking around, she was pretty, also the only girl his age. “Well, what does she like?” I was spinning my web was master match making, I missed this. “Find something your both into, make it a thing. Know anything she likes?” He shrugged, oh Jesus save me,teenaged boys

“Okay, what do you like about her?”  Carl paused “Shes smart, and pretty” okay… not much to go on “Have you expressed any interest?” He was rubbing his knees and his face was getting redder by the minute. “Okay well complement her, for a start. Or maybe start off my showering, that’s always a good place to start. Then find something you’re both interested in and go from there”

Carls face lit up like he had an idea “I know what to do” I could barely blink before he had swept up his hate and Judith and nearly ran out the door. Letting out a sigh I sat back

“Okay then”

I needed to get ready anyways, I was going on a run with Spencer Daryl and

 **

“Seriously stop thanking us, we can use the practice” Glenn scolded taking the bag of formula as Maggie bounced the baby on her lap while I shrugged the kami jacked I found in storage over my shoulders. I smiled, grateful to the couple that they consider babysitting “practice” for their oncoming child, still, I needed to go on this run, wanting to find a gift for the two to them as a congratulations present, and a few other things.

Glenn set the bag down on the counter “So feed every two hours, if he cries we check the diaper, feed, and bounce”

I rolled my eyes, he had a look on his face like he was saying this more for me then him. I crossed my arms, knowing what he was doing “Yes, okay you got it” I admitted, throwing my hands up in defeat. He leaned agents the island “He’ll be fine, stop stressing” I looked down and back up at him, I know he will be; especially with Glenn and Maggie. Taking a deep breath I decide to ask them.

I twitched my nose. “Hey Mag, could you come over here?” Her head darted in my direction, before standing, keeping the baby close to her chest. I shuffled my feet, brushing my hair out of my face “So you know how he’s being baptized in a few days?” They looked calm, Sweet Jesus I hope they say yes. “W-W-Well” Oh no, I started stuttering again, I could never shake that habit off “I was wondering” Fuck sake, deep breath “Wouldyouliketobehisgodparents?”

They stared at me blankly, “What” Maggie asked, before a wash of understanding washes over her face, and her shoulders relax. “Just in case anything happens to me, I want to know he’ll be well looked after" I explained desperately, my hand moving way too much for it to look natural.

Glenn glanced at Maggie, who smiled back “Of course we will” Glenn said, reaching out and touching my Bicep. A wave of relief washed over me, relaxing my muscles. “Thank you” I said, genuinely grateful. “When is the christening?” Maggie asked, starting to bounce the Baby I have yet to name in her arms. The other name threw me off and I tried to remember

“In a few days, Gabriel said he needed to refresh his memory of Catholic baptisms” Maggie nodded “Just tell us the morning of and we’ll be there” She smiled, and I hoped that they understood what they were getting into.

  **

  I sat in between Daryl and Spencer in the pick-up truck waiting for the turn off into the small town, where hopefully we’d fine a few shops that still had a few products inside.  I could them some baby clothes, or some wood and make them a crib. Spencer attempted to make small talk over Daryl’s useless stick driving but to no avail; both Daryl and I were focused on other matters. My leg occasionally bumping agents Daryl’s or Spencer’s thighs, causing Daryl to tense his arms agents the wheel and Spencer to move closer to me.

After knocking on the window we strolled into the shop, all armed with only hand knives, Spencer staying close behind as I followed Daryl. The store was dark and silent, expect for a few bangs of a stuck Rotter. Scanning the shelves, seeing a few boxes of incense, I figured it must have been a bit of a Hippie shop. Shoving whatever labelled ‘Natural Remedy’ into my rucksack; only a few bottles of oils and dried herbs.

“I’m gonna check the back” I called out, heading towards that door that said ‘employees only’ where the nagging was coming from.

Daryl shot me a look “Nah, I’ll get the walkers in a sec,”. Rolling my eyes at his dismissal I opened the door to the back. The second my hand pulled the handle back I knew I fucked up. The walker over powering me, and knock me to the floor.

Shit. Shit. His teeth biting and snapping towards my neck getting out a grunt I tried to bring my knife up to his head, but I couldn’t reach.

The only thing blocking his jaws from my neck was my forearm. Shit, I tried to kick my legs, trying to knock him over, but that only made him get closer to my face. I pushed the rotter back a little, just about to get my knife through its temple, but a knife went through his eye, inches away from my chin away from my chin.

Throwing him off of me I gasped for air .My ‘savoir’ spoke “Fuck Nina I told you I’d get it” I looked to Daryl standing over me, with a red face and veins pulsating in his neck. I propped myself up on my elbows “I had him” I huffed in annoyance. “Shit was reckless and you know” Jesus I feel like I’m being scolded for sneaking out on a school night. Spencer had slipped behind me into the store room.

Pushing myself to my feet I stand only a few inches away from him “I said I had him” Daryl stepped back. “Really? It didn’t look like it. Actually it looked like you were about to get bit” My temper was getting the better of me, I would have apologized if he didn’t have his finger in my face. I slapped it away, the dark shop making him seem more threatening, but this only pissed me off more.

Jesus Christ what is wrong with him. “I said I had it Dixon” I spat, turning on my heel and walking into the back. Obviously Daryl didn’t feel like this conversation was over, he grabbed my arm and was about to open his mouth to scold me.

I quickly decided that I wasn’t listening to a lecture before blurting out an “I’m sorry”. He dropped my arm, his eyes were a stern blue trying to read me. I’m a good liar, I know that much, but see saw threw it. He squinted his eyes before walking past me into the back.

“Clothes, shitty CD’s and candles mostly” Spencer announced as we walking in. It was dark due to the lack of windows, turning on my torch so I could get a better look “Take the clothes, they can be used has bandages” I said.

I strained my eyes trying to read the labels on boxes threw the dust. I brushed the curls off my face finding a book. “Natural Births: A Doulas Guide”, perfect, now I’ve a little thank you present for the godparents

Stuffing clothes I thought could be bandages I looked down, and saw a purple scarf and smiled at the genital colour. Hesitating to pick it up, it felt so wrong to even consider something frivolous at the end of the world.

Actually, no it didn’t. Fuck it I want a pretty head head scarf. I put my rucksack down warped it around my head once, just enough to keep the hairs off my face.

I walked over to the boys hearing a few laughs and a few “fuck yeahs” after curiosity got the better of me. They were kneeling down over three or four boxes, and peering over I could just about see glass bottles.

Spencer turned, smiling while handing me one of the mixed matched bottles. “This has been a great day” He beamed before turning back to the boxes. I brought my torch up to the bottle, no label.

I cautiously unscrewed it, taking a whiff. Immediately regretting it as the smell burnt my nose hairs. Regret soon turned into pure joy after registering what I smelt

Moonshine.

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part Five Part six Part seven

 Part nine Part ten Part eleven

Tags: @buckysjuicyplums

[bloodfcst-a]

alright, so. i beat remake last weekend, but i didn’t want to come out with my newfound yufi information + meta right off the bat. i think this is an appropriate time to do so now, though. naturally, i’ll tag as spoilers, but if you need anything else, let me know.

also, my verdict? i am so glad i went into this blind, without any hype or expectations or people from fandom whining about it. yet again, i am so happy + i had an incredibly joyous experience.  this game fed me + also took over my life in a way i’ve not been possessed in some time so like......... good for it.

also no, i truly don’t miss hearing everyone’s hullabaloo +  i don’t wanna hear ur complaints of “ it didn’t say when part 2 is ” so like miss me with that. 

also warning: if u didn’t know already, fandom is WILD towards y.uffie for some reason and i also addressed that, so like if you’re from vii fandom u might seriously wanna read this bc... it’ll be pertinent to u understanding my feelings behind it.  i did address some questionable topics like the underaged oversexual portrayal + beastality that’s popular for her and i am NOT HERE FOR IT so if u came for that................. issa no from me dawg. when i say unbearable.... i mean it. fandom grossed me out. y���all wild.

anyway. thoughts below !

some things that were CONFIRMED for me were:

> midgar is lax around its anti-wutai rhetoric in its most important parts ( namely, hq, wall market, and avalanche ). for propaganda’s sake among the common people, it stands to create a united front. but in consumerism & in strength, they consider the wutai equals just as anyone else. 

see: tseng in the turks; madam m in wall market; the supplier for avalanche.

i would even argue that sector 5 / wall market is the safest place in midgar for wutaians, given don corneo’s obvious fetishism ( and that really............. isn’t saying a lot ).

i’m not going to entertain that it’s an “ admiration for culture and architecture ” in true weeaboo fashion given that of all positions he could give madam m to hold, her duties are to screen women that would be appealing to his aesthetic and to run a massage parlor where the highest bidder gets to have a happy ending. she is literally the “ asian parlors are actually fronts for brothels ” stereotype except in this sex trade, all women go to don corneo. i will have no apologists in this house. 

i have more developing thoughts on madam m like how she might be doing the sex trafficking part in her own self-interest / as a type of self-preservation, like the don might say “ well if u don’t want to be a wife then u better find some for me ” but... 1) this isn’t the post for that and 2) that logic does not explain why chocobo sam and andrea rhodea are also apart of the ring. but in my opinion, you can tell she’s not crazy about it bc as soon as aerith mentions it to her she becomes so wildly upset that she breaks character. i don’t think she’s a sell out. i think she’s an exploited and fetishized woman in a tough place, and i feel for her.

despite this, it’s clear that because of his obvious ‘ preference ’ they’re [ wutaians ] held at a higher standard ( i.e., he doesn’t dispose of madam m immediately like he does with every other woman who is unfortunate enough to meet him ), so i’m willing to go out on a limb and say despite the high amount of shinra foot traffic that goes through wall market ( and we know this bc everybody who is everybody from SOLDIERS to Turks go to honeybee inn ), a wutaian would probably be fine there.

> wutai is the strongest world power by natural means. without SOLDIER s & g programs, midgar’s biggest claim to fame is to reach first-world status as a metropolis by siphoning mako via its reactors. without its reactors, the whole town would either be: 1) slums, like below the plate; or 2) as common as every other area in the nearby vicinity ( i.e., kalm, costa del sol, nibelheim ). by siphoning mako energy, midgar truly is unnatural, so... hm... 

corel could have been a contender ‘cause they use fossil fuels ( and look at how successful gold saucer is! ), but the failed reactor really threw them out the loop. costa del sol + icicle inn are both partially shin-ra owned / managed, so i’m not counting them.

> infiltrating midgar / shinra isn’t difficult. nor is navigating throughout the sectors. while there is the mention of the ID scan on the trains, we see this is not applicable on foot ( freely able to walk through sectors 5, 6, 7, and 8 as party; jessie + co are able to go above the plate to go to her parents’ house despite already being listed as AVALANCHE and that their fake IDs had already expired ). given that yufi entirely travels on foot because of her airsickness / motion sickness, she’d be undetectable. also note that the first 59 floors of shinra hq by stairwell are not monitored... and neither was the front door, so she could easily sneak in whenever the need called for it.

> established multiple points of contact between rufus + yufi ( and by extension, the turks + yufi ). i’m really going into this in the next section ‘cause... their dynamic became so much more interesting. but we already know that at minimum, there was contact bc she had the phs rufus had provided to godo + was using it to communicate with zack for treasure.... but let me hold off on this bc there’s one more thing i want to add here.

regarding the turks: it’s established that even if a person is someone of interest to shin-ra, they won’t necessarily act on attacking or abducting immediately ( see: aerith ). we already know they’ve known yufi since she was a child, and if they’re working with rufus they’d know what she looked like as she aged, so the excuse of “ she looks different than when they worked with her in wutai ” is out the window. it’s more than likely that they’re enabling her to continue her business with rufus + have probably assisted her with not being caught. 

> yufi’s clothes are absolutely normal for her age. it always annoyed me that somehow tifa’s clothing was like considered “ impractical but acceptable ” because she’s a legal adult and because cishet men were too drawn to the boobies to complain. but then yufi was either like HELLA sexualized as a minor ( the amount of ecchi / hentai that exists of underage y.uffie despite there being of-age content [ i.e., her portrayals in advent children + dirge of cerberus ] is.......................................... ridonk ) OR she was like hella slut-shamed and i’m out here like.... hello??? what kinda anti-wutai rhetoric is this? anyway. i’d like to call attention to kyrie, who looks like she’s wearing like 60% of y.uffie’s dirge of cerberus outfit. if anything, this only reinforces that yufi’s fashion choices are.......... legit normal, age appropriate, and anyone who wants to argue otherwise can shut the fuck up.

if you’re really gonna ask “ how come her shorts are unbuttoned ” like go check your privilege. the short answer is probably that rufus stole all of her damn belts to make into his coat. the long answer is that a youth traveling the world SOLO she is probably slim on money to be frequently shopping for clothes ? and the clothes that are available in the slums vs on the plate are probably not great quality ( idk if y’all have ever shopped at a freesized open market before but like... buttons pop off INSTANTLY sometimes and those seams will tear if u stretch the wrong way. like fast fashion but like........ hella wild ). she could find better clothes above the plate, but given the anti-wutai rhetoric up there... probably not a wise choice. 

since you’re looking at her outfit anyway.. can i bring your attention to her sweater, and have you note that it’s made of the same material as cloud’s? i.e., she’s wearing shin-ra/SOLDIER brand quality? ( need further proof that it’s SOLDIER? zack and angeal wear the same one ) probably gotten from either a trip to hq or........ someone on the inside............ but obviously cropped to fit her. she might’ve even had it for some time. now let’s keep looking.... i’m willing to bet the latter, and here’s why! ( prepare for galaxy brain time )

now for standard SOLDIERS, they’re assigned colors. we know third class / infantrymen are blue; second class are burgundy / red ( think kunsel ); and black / dark blue for first class. don’t nobody wear green.... in this whole damn universe.... as a main character.... except child y.uffie. HMMMMM. here’s the sweater again to compare. 

i’m just saying.

now, the ideas INTRODUCED to me were:

> there is only one AVALANCHE, but it is splintered into different factions.

now i always wondered like, how come they just picked up the name AVALANCHE when it was established already. like idk i don’t think people would be like “ ah yes we’re the n.azis and we’re different than the other ones, but we wanna evoke the same fear ” u know what i mean?? usually u would carry the same ideology... but it was always so apparent that barret held different views and goals than elfe, so i was always so confused.

but not anymore. now it’s established that they’re the same group, begun in midgar + just carrying out different methods of “ fuckin’ shit up for the shin-ra ” over the last 10 years, spreading the word about the danger of reactors + it’s suckin’ up the lifeblood of the planet to anyone who would hear. now that makes sense. in the same chapter that this is established, however, they also claim...

> yufi as a benefactor to AVALANCHE.

now this shit had me like AAAAAAAAH. now there is no damn way you and i played the same game if u didn’t see this. they literally say “ AVALANCHE is being provided weapons by someone to fuck shit up, in return for all the materia in midgar. ”

who would want all the materia in midgar? HMMMMMMMMM.

> with that point established, let’s go back to rufus + yufi having multiple points of contact. so i already introduced the idea that rufus clearly has to have contact with yufi bc he’s the one spouting all the secrets to shinra treasure via the PHS. and yufi has claimed ownership of the phone by literally labeling it as “ treasure princess ” so there is no question that he thinks he’s talking to godo versus yufi. 

but we also know that rufus is the person behind AVALANCHE. my man has TIME on house arrest, obviously. we also know that he’s on house arrest in junon, not midgar. now, if he’s out here giving them logistics like places to go to spout their rhetoric, and yufi is providing weapons ( remember, wutai is the strongest power by natural means, and apparently hq is free real estate to explore, so she’s got multiple ways to provide gear without it being an inconvenience to her ), so it’s.........pretty obvious to say that the way she would go in connection to AVALANCHE would be through rufus. also, remember she has bad blood with AVALANCHE because of their actions in wutai, so... she’s not gonna be keen about them anyway. it seems much more practical for someone who already views them ( and tbh, lots of people ) as tools ( rufus vc: “ i own you ” ) to accomplish one’s tasks to help her connect with meeting her own goals ( “ all the materia in midgar ” ).

this would also explain why yufi is found hanging outside junon.

if you opted to grab her outside nibelheim... you might argue that it’s because nibelheim is obviously suspicious + truly the evidence at how shady shin-ra is, given the whole place was rebuilt + is filled with actors to hide the fact that the whole place burned to the ground + was once the site of jenova + currently remains the site as hojo’s secondary lab + other secret, vincent valentine with the protomateria slumbering. she could have been tipped off by rufus as “ there’s another treasure here ” but like... there’s no way she would have known it was vincent. even zack is like “ idk wtf is happening here so i’mma leave this alone. ”

also, i love that rufus uses “ heir to the throne ” verbage, which is so akin to yufi also being “ heir to the throne ” & look at them: spiteful children rebelling against their useless ass dads to create new world order + to destroy the old shin-ra company.  i love that for them.

so in conclusion........ this game FED ME. god i wanna play it again and again. i beat it on normal and got everything except 1 treasure and 1 task from chadley. i also need to do all the combat simulators. but given i did what i could in.... 3.5 days, i’m not too upset by it. this game has so much replay value and... i can say i’m glad i bought it twice.

g.amestop give me my freaking shinra badge i’ve damn well earned it.

oh and two more things going forward:

> nanaki continues to sound old as hell. which duh, given advent children. but u know how they established him as a young teen in the og + so it made sense for y.uffie and nanaki to be friends ‘cause they were mentally the same age? i don’t...... see how that works now. 

also.....y’all could have missed me with this shit already but STOP SHIPPING HIM WITH YUFI. NOW UR ONLY ARGUMENT IS GONE. STOP. i saw some art of nanaki & y.uffie fucking in the tags + floating around google and i was like....... WHY!!! and then there’s also weird hybrid art like what if they had a kid or something and i just........  STOP.

i have flashbacks of when i first started writing on tumblr + how i was bombarded by furries wanting to fuck bc of this. like deadass king dedede from kirby. later on i also saw sonic & even alligators ( not an alligator man.... tho i did see king k. rool + donkey kong as well........ i hated y’all for a hot minute ). it’s not even “ monster fucking ” it’s bestiality and I’M BEGGING YOU TO STOP. y’all can truly MISS ME WITH THIS.

however, u know, bigby wolf + everyone from castlevania could easily get it. stardust platinum where ya at. if i had to pick it would be....... more humanoid than a penguin or a “ lab rat dog ” u feel? 

> i am not crazy about y.uffentine. look. i know it exists. i know it was big bc fandom was like “ optional character ship ftw! ” + then dirge of cerberus came out and y’all went wild ( to be fair, i get it, it was the only ship outside of NANAKI and BEING KIDNAPPED/ASSAULTED BY SHINRA SOLDIERS AS A CHILD that people could feasibly comprehend for y.uffie for some reason............................................................... it was an actually “ NORMAL ” person........ ) but like. i’m sorry. it’s not doin it for me. i’ve seen like two other y.uffie blogs out here that actually stick to canon so like if u want your y.uffentine that bad, like maybe ask them. but please don’t ask me. 

ok i’m done for real now! thanks for reading !

[sakuwriteshere]

The Apple Pie in My life - Chapter 2

Summary: What happened between two best friends when someone messes with their lives? Can the past changes the future or can the future changes the past?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Female!Reader, OC Abbigail, OC James

Words count: 1358

Warnings: Mentions of wounds and blood (nothing graphic)

Square filled: Enemies to Lovers for @spndeanbingo​ and Angst to fluff for @spngenrebingo​ Those squares are used for the whole series.

A/N: As per usual, this is unbetated and I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes or error spelling. Please let me know what you think of it! I really hope that this new series will bring you as much fun as it does for me.I do not own the characters or the show.

A/N 2 : I’m sorry this chapter is a bit of short, it’ll be longer after I promise.

Chapter 2: The twins

The poor girl whimpered when Dean tried to help her to stand up, her left hand pressing against her right shoulder. Dean didn’t need more to know that she was injured; judging by the strange angle she had a dislocated shoulder.

The oldest Winchester glanced at Sam who held the body of the young boy in his arms. The kid seemed unconscious and the blood covering the lower part of his tee-shirt wasn’t a good sign.

Quickly they put the boy in the backseat of the Impala, Sam sitting next to him as he pressed a hand against the wound on the boy’s stomach.

“Don’t worry, we’ll bring you at the nearest hospital.” Dean said slowly, as if he feared to scare the teenager.

“N-no hospital. Please!” She gasped after she gripped his forearm. The fear and despair in her big green eyes were heartbreaking. Dean licked his lips and nodded as he started the car. He knew this kind of request, the kids were hunters or in a very bad situation.

After a few miles they spotted a motel and parked the car in the parking lot. Sam stayed in the car with the kids, while Dean went inside to check-in. The brothers led the kids into the room, as carefully as they could.

“On three, ready?” Dean licked his lips, looking at the back of the girl’s head who nodded once. He was dreading what he was going to do.

He took a deep breath and counted. “Okay. One. Two.” And before he said three, he pulled on her arm and put back her dislocated shoulder.

“Son of a-” she screamed at the pain, she turned around and punched his shoulder. “You said on three.”

“Three?” Dean gave her a sorry smile, rubbing at his shoulder. How such a small body could have so much strength ?

She rolled her eyes and scoffed before leaving the bathroom and walked towards the bed, where Sam was patching her brother. Fortunately, the wound was more impressive than dangerous. The boy had lost blood but they found him early enough before it could be life threatening. 

She bit her thumbnail as she paced back and forth, waiting for Sam to finish the stitching.

“What’s your name?” Dean asked, as he offered her a glass of water.

She grabbed the glass with her slender fingers, watching Dean’s face curiously. Was she thinking about the fact that she could trust them?

“Abbigail.” She said before taking a gulp. She looked at her sleeping brother as soon as Sam stood up. “How is he?” She asked as she knelt next to him, her fingers pushing away a few strands of hair that covered his eyes. The gesture was so delicate and loving.

“He’s okay. It will hurt once he’s awake and won’t move for a while but he’ll be fine.” Sam said as he washed his hands in the kitchen sink.

“I’m so sorry, little brother.” Abbigail whispered, her lips brushing his forehead in a kiss.

Sam accepted the beer bottle Dean offered him and both sat at the table in front of the beds.

“You keep calling…” Sam started, nudging at the sleeping boy on the bed.

“James.” Abbigail informed them. “His name is James.”

Sam nodded, acknowledging him and kept going. “You’re calling James, your little brother but he doesn’t look younger than you. Are you twins?”

Abbigail nodded and stood up, sitting on the empty bed, her good arm nursing the hurt one.

“Yeah. I’m the older one by two minutes en twenty-six seconds.” She added, a cheeky grin adorning her face, as if it was a joke between them.

“Dad says it’s only twenty-four seconds.” James groaned from the bed as he started to move. Abbigail jumped from her bed and knelt at his brother’s bed.

“James!” She exclaimed, happy to see him awake.

“Too loud.” He groaned again, his hand pushing his sister’s face away. “Ow.” He whimpered as he tried to sit in the bed.

“Easy, kid.” Sam’s hand stopped his movement and pushed him in a lying position. “Take this, it will help with the pain.” He added as he gave him two pills and a glass of water. 

James’s eyes opened and looked at Sam’s face, his Y/E/C’s eyes falling slowly on the pills in the middle of his hand. He swallowed the pills and glanced at his sister while drinking his glass. Sam noticed the subtle movement of her head, the twins behavior a bit strange.

“What happened?” Sam asked after a moment. Once again the twins shared a look, communicating silently.

“Are you hunters?” The room fell silent at Dean’s question. The twins once again looked at each other, debating silently what they could say.

“Not really?” Abbigail finally said, sitting on the other bed once again. “Our parents are, though.”

The Winchesters nodded, understanding.

“They trained us more for self defense rather than hunting.” James added.

“What are their names?” Sam asked, something was bothering him.

“Chanel.”

“Jimmy.”

The twins answered at the same time, the silent that followed quite heavy. It was the Winchesters’ turn to share a silent communication.

“Chanel and Jimmy, huh?” Dean’s fingers played with the label of his beer bottle, a tight smile covering his lips. “Listen kids,” He said as he stood up.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but lying isn’t your best choice here.” He said in a patronizing voice, his index finger pointing at James.

“You’re one to talk.” James murmured between his teeth, his sister being the closest one to hear it and giving him a death glare.

“What did you say?” Dean asked, coming closer.

“Listen, it’s alright!” Abbigail jumped from her seat and stood between James and the Winchesters.

“Thank you for everything but we don’t want to bother you anymore. Come on James, we’ve got work to do.” She said as she helped her brother to stand up.

“Wow, wow, easy.” Sam tried to stop them, his hands stopping any movement from the kids. There was no way James could leave in his state. “What do you mean?”

“We’re hunting a demon.” Abbigail started to explained as she put her brother’s arm around her neck and place her own around his waist, avoiding his wound.

“I hate demons.” Dean mumbled, drinking his beer.

The twins chuckled softly, James wincing because of the movement, then Abbigail cleared her throat and kept on explaining. “He’s very powerful and we think he’s going after our mom.”

“Where’s your father?” Dean asked standing in front of them, blocking the way toward the exit.

“He’s,” Abbigail raised her face, her green eyes falling on Dean’s ones. He saw the bump her throat made as she swallowed. “He’s not available at the moment. We’re on our own.” She finally said as she avoided his stare. Dean took that at another lie. He nodded, his jaws clenched and stepped on the side, leaving the room for them to exit.

“Thank you, for everything. Really.” Abbigail said once again as she opened the door and helped her brother.

Once they were outside, Sam hit his brother’s chest and made a face. 

“What?” Dean asked, fed up with being hit.

“Dude, really? You’re going to let them go? They’re going to be killed.”

Dean rolled his eyes, annoyed. “So what? The kids are lying right at our face. They’re hiding something. If they needed help, they would tell us the truth!”

“Maybe they don’t have a choice! They don’t know us, how could they trust us?”

“Come on Sam! I mean Chanel and Jimmy? We don’t have a Facebook for hunters but I’m sure that if a couple of hunters named Chanel and Jimmy existed, we would know!”

“And again, maybe they lied to protect them. You heard them, that demon is after their parents. We’ve lied for less than that, Dean!” Sam argued, walking behind Dean who started pacing back and forth.

“Alright!” Dean groaned after a short moment, heading towards the exit.

Sam smiled, satisfied. He didn’t know what was going on but something was strange and he was determined to discover the truth.

TAPiML tags: @fandomoverdose666​ , @eternaleviee​

[nomadicbeard]

Hi! I saw on one of your posts you said that you used to be a stucky shipper. I actually started off as a stony shipper but then absolutely fell in love with stucky but I like both . I was just wondering what made you "jump ship" on stucky lol. Sorry if this comes across as annoying or anything im just curious!

Hey! As you can see a couple of people have asked me this over the last couple of weeks and I’m really lazy and haven’t got around to responding yet, but the people deserve an answer so here we go. Before we start a quick disclaimer: I’ll only be talking about the ships themselves, not the communities or any of the discourse surrounding them. This is not a ship-bashing of any kind and please do not take it as such, it’s just my own personal experience surrounding these characters and these relationships. 

 Buckle your seatbelts kids, this is a long one.

I first got into Marvel c. 2015. I’m European so I’d never really watched any marvel movies before that, I watched Age of Ultron on a plane and remember being vaguely aware the Steve/Tony was a thing (what is pretty interesting is that to this day I have no clue where that knowledge came from) but was mostly just excited by the superhero stuff. I then got home and watched The Winter Soldier and fell in love. I love the Winter Soldier, it’s probably still one of my favourite marvel movies (it got kicked out of its top spot by Black Panther last year unfortunately) and to me no other marvel movie could hold a torch to it at the time. So I came onto tumblr, searched up The Winter Soldier and was just inundated with Stucky stuff, as expected. I rolled with it, got invested just from constant exposure (it was also around the height of the Stucky ship) and as far as I was concerned, that was that. I was super into Stucky for almost six months and was pretty much your average shipper, I didn’t understand stevetony, loved Steve Rogers, was close to creating a Stucky sideblog wit some ridiculous pun as my username, I was gone over this ship.

Then one day, I sat down and read the man on the bridge by boopboop on ao3. You’ve almost definitely heard of it, but it was the most popular fic in the Steve/Bucky tag on ao3 at the time (for some reason I had just never got around to reading it until then, it was long and I didn’t have the stamina I have now). It was your pretty standard Stucky fic, Steve gets Bucky back, they have to deal with his trauma which results in Steve and Bucky declaring their long lost love for each other etc. etc. What was different about this fic, was that it was all told from Tony’s point of view, and since Steve and Tony were on the same team at that point, their dynamic was a huge part of the fic. And I found myself falling completely in love with Steve and Tony’s dynamic. I went back to the fic for this post (and god it is a good fic) and pulled up the first couple of chapters and instantly just found so many instances of that dynamic

(grade A stevetony arguing over each other’s safety with a side of flirting from Tony)

(Idk why but the image of Steve and Tony not going to sleep, but rather staying up and brewing coffee together was such a vivid one when I first read this fic, I still remember it to this day. )

(Tony picking Steve flowers while trying to desperately play off that he didn’t aka. Tony caring while trying desperately not to care)

(Everyone knowing that Steve would definitely come to Tony, apart from Tony himself.)

Now obviously, this is a stucky fic and I went into it knowing this, but I found when Steve and Bucky finally got together I felt honestly a bit bored, a bit cheated. I had no idea why at the time. I remember very clearly x-ing out of the fic at the end and feeling really uneasy, I came onto tumblr, went straight back into the Stucky tag and all was well.

When I next went back onto ao3, I started out with a couple of oneshots in the Stucky tag, but for some reason it wasn’t working for me anymore. I remember sitting there, a little bored, not at all invested in this relationship and just missing something. I figured I was probably missing Tony’s presence in the fic and so filtered in Tony Stark’s character tag. I read a few of those and all was well but I realised the same thing was happening as had happened in man on the bridge, the moment that Steve and Bucky got together, the fic lost something for me. Desperate at this point, and a little annoyed at myself I conducted an experiment and went into the Steve/Tony tag on Ao3 and as they say, the rest is history. If you go onto older posts on my main blog there’s a pretty drastic, almost overnight shift c. January 2016. I have to admit, I expected Civil War to be a conversion so I enjoyed stevetony without consequence for five months, while still labelling myself as a Stucky shipper because I expected to be pulled back to Stucky after civil war, the reality was that somehow I came out of civil war shipping stevetony harder than ever before. From there, I spent two years reading my way through the stevetony tag on ao3 and finally set up this blog in 2018, with a really obscure reference as my username and it’s been stevetony til I die ever since.

I just couldn’t read Stucky anymore. That’s what I mean when I say on this blog that stevetony has ruined me for every other ship, because it has. Steve and Tony’s firecracker dynamic pulled me away from what was fast on its way to becoming my favourite ship in 2015, all because they had a bit of banter on the side in a fic. It’s kind of depressing really, the sort of hold that Steve and Tony’s dynamic has over me, 

It’s strange you say you fell in love with Stucky, I fell absolutely out of love with it. I have thought a lot about how I ended up falling into stevetony and why I was so drawn to them instead of Stucky in the first place and I think it all comes down the the story itself. To me, Steve and Bucky’s relationship carries much more weight as a friendship, I still have no doubt that Bucky is one of if not the most important person in Steve’s life, but having that be a lifelong friendship is way more powerful and impactful to me, (especially since what I know I misconstrued to be Steve’s obsession with Bucky is actually Steve’s obsession over the past. I’m not saying Bucky isn’t dear to Steve and he does want to obviously rescue him, but looking back on it there’s more to Steve’s obsession with Bucky than just love, it’s a fear of change and it’s him desperately trying to hold onto a past that’s gone.)

Conversely, I feel like adding a romantic element to Steve and Tony’s relationship enriches the story being told, if you look at something like civil war (either MCU or 616 tbh) in the context of Tony being desperately in love with Steve, it makes a lot more sense, especially with things like The Confession in 616 or the stuff brought up in that strange conversation in the conference room in the MCU. There’s lines from Steve like “I’m home/you gave me a home” or even straight up “he loved you” and his tormented behaviour throughout infinity war and endgame that just really makes you wonder, not to mention lines from others like “you two still gazing into each other’s eyes/sounds like both of you got into bed with the wrong people” and they did have to share a bed at Clint’s farm after all lol. The tragedy of their story is heightened if you look at it through the context of them being absolutely in love with each other, just never having actually got around to telling it to each other’s faces. This tragedy is heavily implied in The Oath/The Confession in 616 when they confess their deepest darkest secrets to the other’s comatose/dead bodies, and apparently it’s always been that they love the other person. Actually you could easily introduce a romantic element by making relatively few changes to the MCU, but that’s a post for another time (I have a long and comprehensive list in my notes app on how little you actually need to change to make that happen, it’s literally the matter of a few lines of dialogue and one major story change at the end of IM3, an interesting thought exercise to say the least).

Finally, there’s a quote that came up on my dash the day I made that fateful venture into the ao3 stevetony tag, “your soulmate isn’t someone who comes peacefully into your life. It is someone who makes you question things, changed your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life. It is not the human being everyone idealized, but an ordinary person, who managed to revolutionize your world in a second” to this day, it resonates so strongly with me about stevetony. It’s everything I love about this ship just compressed into a quote. 

So yeah it was basically a bunch of happy coincidences, but thank god it happened. As a writer, stevetony has taught me so much about character and dynamic, stuff that is honestly invaluable. When you have long fics that basically detail the day by day life of Steve and Tony post-civil war in rural Italy and consists of them sleeping, crying and working through their repressed feelings (looking at you @silkspectred ), it is the characters and their unique dynamic that drive the entirety of the story. Steve and Tony, in the hands of a compelling writer, can keep me hooked over a frankly embarrassing number of words. I still have a bit of a special place for Stucky in my heart really, it did start me out in marvel after all and it was one of my first ever ships, but your first love is only so good until you meet your true love, not to get all sappy but stevetony has completely destroyed my ability to ship anything else. I might get a bit flirtatious with some other ships, like sambucky (I still love Bucky, and I love Sam!), or the riverdale ships (beronica and jarchie or bust), or even the game of thrones crack ships (daensa til the day we die), but I’ll always come back to stevetony.

So yeah this escalated into a far longer post than I intended to make but I’ve never really spelled out on this blog how or why I ended up jumping Stucky to Stony when I know it’s usually the other way around. I guess it just comes down to stevetony catching me out when I least expected it, and never having let go of me since. 

[wombtangclanaz]

“Not everyone can be Russ”

So I’m not really sure where to start a whole ass blog but since my rants are constantly triggered by random content I see, I'm gonna stick to what I know and not try to psych myself out and delay this blog further. So we’ll jump right in. I have to shoutout Kato on the Track for always validating the things I think I'm learning on my own, and for packaging those lessons into words that make sense and that I can share with others. If you’re not familiar with Kato, Dame Mec, DJ Pain, Sound Advice, Music Entrepreneur Club and so many other local platforms/people of the sort, you really playin yourself,  PERIODT. These guys really care about layin it out for you in a meaningful way which takes a lot of work. so WATCH AND LISTEN.  So, between yesterday and today, Kato posted a few short videos talking about the subjects we are about to explore. Until I can figure out how to attach said videos, go watch them on IG @katoproducer. The one posted today is titled “Not everyone can be Russ” and I feel that on SUCH a spiritual level. If you’re familiar with Russ at all, you can probably kinda guess what this is about. For those not familiar, Russ is a rapper/song writer/producer/author etc etc etc. who has gained some big recognition for his blueprint as an “independent” artist. I personally don't really listen to Russ or closely follow his career, however his relevance in the industry is undeniable. if you watch any interview with Russ, its clear he's garnered fame by figuring out how to be an independent powerhouse, more or less. (Admittedly, the technical “BUSINESS” side of the industry is still something I lack a lot of knowledge in cause it involves politics that can be annoying, however I'm always tryna find people to teach me more things. If this is you, tap inwardly) But basically, the point Kato is trying to make is that its not necessarily better to be doing EVERYTHING yourself with zero out-sourcing/collaboration. We see this A LOT on applications for Tucson Hip Hop Festival (shoutout THHF fam I love you guys) It seems like young artists are quick to tell us about how they rap AND PRODUCER/WRITE/RECORD/ENGINEER all their own music in their closet. it seems to be a point made to try to impress, when really it can be a red flag. This might be just my opinion, however I have a lot of conversations about this with the mentors I keep close to me and they seem to share my sentiments. The problem with doing EVERYTHING yourself is that it can quickly create a “master of none” situation. The beautiful part of todays music industry is that the technology to do the basic things yourself and is mostly free and at your fingertips. Every kid with an iphone5 can make a rap song. This is one of the reasons that hip hip is one of the most popular genres in the world right now. With popularity comes intense levels of over-saturation. You have to focus your talents and efforts and TIME. If you’re a rapper SLASH producer, ask yourself which one you're more passionate about, which one would be devastating to leave behind? Now, this doesn't mean you’re forever disqualified from making beats in the future or trying your hand at rapping. I think a big factor in a hip hop career these days is TIMING. Take note that Russ released 11 albums and 87 singles CONSECUATIVELY AND FREE OF CHARGE before he really got meaningful recognition with Soundcloud. Not to mention the fact that producers and DJ’s are more recognized and showcased as separate entities, locally and nationally. A big reason is the fact that social media made branding so easy and mostly free. Now, if you’re someone who just likes to experiment and create music and try your hand at rapping, DO NOT LET ME DISCOURAGE YOU. Everyones gotta figure things out, its important that you’re exploring and creating DESPITE everything. Consistency is key. Do not let me dictate your dreams. HOWEVER, if you're looking to take the next step and actually pursue a career, this is advice you may want to take to heart. It sounds counter-intuitive but the best way to gain success as an INDEPENDENT artist is COLLABORATION WITH YOUR PEERS. Another point Kato makes is how up-and-coming rappers are immediately trying to work with artists or entities 3-4 steps ahead of them. Theres many rappers who try to afford themselves the PRIVILEGE of skipping necessary steps in their career. Most notably the LOCAL step. I see so many rappers following this romanticized narrative of being an INDEPENDANT artist, fuck a label got it out the dirt do it all on my own yadda yadda, but are so quick to bash or dismiss their local scene that they have yet to even explore, all the while on social media spamming every single major record label and tagging every legendary rapper they can think of in every single irrelevant thing they post. I can't make any sense of that honestly. I CONSTANTLYYYYYYY have kids reaching out to me sayin they wanna legitimize their local scene, PUT ON for their city, put their state ON THE MAP, help build their community, PUSH THE CULTURE, be socially active and change lives etc etc etc. and have never been to a SINGLE local event (even as a supporter), can't name a SINGLE leader or influential person in their hip hop community or a SINGLE local rapper they admire(who aren't just one of their homies).  I LOVE that energy and passion. but without the KNOWLEDGE of what's going on around you, and the people laying down the roadwork for you, you look low-key disrespectful and very under informed. I mean, this is quite literally the bane of my existence. If you're involved in organizing shows or events or platforms on any level, you know how many people will hit you up to be on every single show/festival but HAVE not and WILL not ever attend or support otherwise. I'm sorry but there's no other way around it. I can speak for the whole state when I say that there are locally conscience artists that quite literally “put on” for their community every weekend and have for years and years. if you message me on IG for coverage on my platform and we have 2 mutual friends, THATS A HUGE RED FLAG. There are many experienced and talented people around you who want nothing more than to provide opportunities and support to pass the torch to the next generation. Its okay to reach out for support and ask for help as long as you’re worthy of it. Dame Mec always says that if you’re reaching out to someone ASKING for something (no matter how small) you gotta make sure you’re working JUST as hard or ALMOST as hard as the people you’re reaching out to. “CLOUT” does not exist if you’re actually worthy of the support, it just comes and it lasts longer. Building in your local scene can really boost the longevity of your career and helps you find “success” in unexpected places. And maybe i’m the one romanticizing now, but asking for something should not be your first contact with said person. Your local networking, knowledge and SUPPORT OF OTHERS should not come solely from YOUR OWN desire for success, wealth or influence. It should come from your utter love and uncompromising passion for HIP HOP and every avenue of culture that goes along with it. You should already be attending hip hop events and having hip hop experiences, not because you decide you're a rapper one day, but because its the thing you enjoy the most and absolutely cannot see your life without it. Sometimes I let myself get annoyed by the lack of knowledge and lack of willingness to learn that I see plaguing hip hop today and I always remember what one of my homies/mentors always says when I wanna talk shit; “their heart just isn't in it” (Pike obvi) and that's just so damn true. If your heart isn't in it, everyone around you is gonna figure that out way before you do. Don't let your ego ruin your career before you even have one

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Fifty

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

July 13th, 2018

Roman didn’t understand. There was a woman walking down the street, and people were laughing and jeering at her. She had a bit of a five o’clock shadow, and her jaw was a little more square than most women, but she was wearing a dress and she had breasts, so she had to be a woman, right?

He didn’t say anything as she passed him, but he smiled kindly at her and mouthed, “You’re beautiful.”

She lit up like he had just hung the moon and signed something, that Roman thought was a “Thank you.”

“Roman!” the horrible woman shouted. “Don’t socialize with those types! You will not be that in my house!”

Roman cringed, but he stood by his words. He thought the woman was truly beautiful.

June 16th, 2020

Roman was excited. Some might say a little too excited, but no one could really blame him. He was going through his freshman orientation at the local high school, and had signed up for all his classes, making sure to pick Drama as one of his class choices. As his backup, he had put Drawing and Pottery, because both of those could be pretty cool, too, but he really hoped he got to have Drama as his art course.

The high school was a big place, but right now, he was just eating lunch with Chad and a few of the kids they had gotten to go on a tour of the buildings with. All of them were talking about what classes they wanted to take and clubs they wanted to join with wide eyes. Roman knew he had a bit of the excitement bug too, but his was curbed somewhat. “Trust me, guys, it seems cool now but there’s gonna come a day where you can’t wait for summer break,” Roman said. “Logan insists that he’s ready for winter break by October.”

“Your older brother is hardly a paragon of knowledge,” one of the girls, Ellie, snorted.

“True, but he’s going to be a senior next year, so I think he knows what he’s talking about,” Roman said. “Anecdotally speaking.”

“Mm, I agree with Roman,” one of the boys, Rocky, said. “My older sister can’t stand going to high school by November.”

“Wait, is your brother Logan Picani?” a third kid, a girl by the name of Maria, asked.

“Yes? Do you know him?” Roman asked. Suddenly he felt like he needed to be on guard and he didn’t know why.

“My older brother knows her. She’s the transsexual that was in his calc class,” Maria said. She wrinkled her nose. “Personally, I don’t understand why anyone would make that sort of life choice.”

Roman blinked once. Twice. Saw red for a couple seconds. Took a deep breath. Laughed with ice and venom blending together in his voice. “Okay, first of all, he is transgender, not transsexual. Transsexual is an outdated term that many people in the community find offensive, from what I’ve been told. Second of all, being transgender is not a choice. He wanted to be true to himself and because his parents disagreed, he was kicked out. So my dads adopted him. Being transgender isn’t easy. It brings all sorts of unwanted attention, and Logan has told me that if he had the chance to be cis, with either gender on the binary, he would take it.

“He gets all sorts of rude comments, from people who are close-minded bigots like your brother. And if you point me in the direction of your brother, I’d love to knock some common sense and LGBT terminology into his head. Especially considering that I’m bi and would like to be respected that way. So, let’s see: my dads are a gay couple, my older brother’s trans and queer, I’m bi, one of my younger siblings is nonbinary. Is there anything else I can say about my family that would disgust you into leaving this group and never calling my brother a transsexual again?”

Maria stared at him, shock and disgust warring for control on her face. “How could you possibly encourage that sort of thing?! Don’t you know you can go to Hell for that?”

“Provided that even is true, which I severely doubt, Hell will be fabulous and I will happily live with my brothers, my sibling, and my two dads there for all eternity. But if you can go to Hell for being gay, why would a higher power even make gay people? Huh? Riddle me that!”

“It’s obviously a test,” Maria snapped back. “Proving that you’re strong in your faith, and you won’t give in to the temptation of sexual desires!”

Roman blinked. “Wow. I...just...wow. I feel really sorry for you, Maria. Your parents must be real pieces of work for you to believe that.”

Maria huffed and crossed her arms. “Whatever. I don’t approve of your choices, but we can still be friends. Love the sinner and hate the sin.”

“Uh, no, we can’t be friends, because the ‘sin’ you’re hating is literally a piece of me. Frankly, if you believe all that BS that you just spouted, I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anyway. That’s just wrong on so many levels.”

Maria growled, grabbed her lunch, and stood. “Well, then. I hope you enjoy Hell, because that’s where you’re going!”

“God is dead, and the gays killed Him!” Chad hollered after her back, laughing.

“Oof, I’m glad we avoided that one early,” Ellie said.

“Yeah,” Roman agreed. “Honestly, I don’t think that Hell...is a place? Exactly? And you certainly don’t go there for loving someone who’s the same gender as you.”

Murmured agreement came from the whole group. “What does nonbinary mean?” Rocky asked.

“Oh, it just means you don’t feel like you’re a boy or a girl,” Roman said, returning to his lunch.

There was a beat of silence before Rocky asked, “There’s a word for that?!”

“Yes...?” Roman asked. “Do you feel like that fits you?”

“Yeah, a little!” Rocky agreed. “I always felt like...kind of a boy, kind of not? It’s confusing. But I don’t have to be a boy, I can be nonbinary!”

“Yeah! Look up nonbinary stuff online, you’ll learn a bunch, and you might find a more specific label that you like,” Roman encouraged.

Rocky pulled out his phone with a grin and Chad laughed. “Well, today is a day full of discoveries, huh?” he asked. “I think I see my parents pulling up, though, so I’ll have to say goodbye for now. I’ll see you guys around this summer, and at school in September!”

“Yeah, see you!” Roman said, as everyone else bid Chad goodbye, too.

Soon after, Roman saw Logan pull up in the school parking lot, and get out of the car. Unfortunately, Maria was walking over to a car two spaces down, and a guy who looked like he could be a linebacker for the football team was waiting for her. Roman said his goodbye’s quickly and jogged over to Logan. “Hey, man, let’s get out of here,” Roman hissed. “That girl with the freckles? Massive transphobe, and her brother—”

“I’m well aware of who her brother is,” Logan said coolly. “Jeremy has seen fit to torment me ever since I legally got my name changed. Insists on using it only because it’s what’s on my papers, but claims that because I’m still ‘Female’ on my birth certificate-which he doesn’t even know for sure-that he can use ‘she’ and ‘her’ for me. He’s a brat.”

Roman pulled a face. “Gross.”

“Indeed,” Logan said.

Maria caught a glimpse of them and stalked over, her brother following behind. “He’s the one! He’s the one who said that I’m wrong!”

“Well, yeah, you are wrong,” Roman said. “I’m not going to Hell. Even if I were, I would be happy to go.”

“Should have known he was the brother of the tranny, here,” Jeremy sneered.

Roman scowled and balled his hands into fists, sucker-punching Jeremy hard right below the ribcage. Jeremy crumpled inward, gasping for air. “Don’t call my brother that word ever again!” Roman bellowed. “C’mon, Lo. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“No complaints from me,” Logan said. They both got in the car and drove away. Once they were on the road, Logan said, “You realize Dad and Ami are probably going to get a very angry call from either that idiot’s mother or someone from the school?”

“Eh,” Roman said with a shrug. “Worth it.”

“I certainly hope so,” Logan sighed, “Because you just put a giant target on your back.”

Roman shrugged again. “I’m not going to stand by while you get insulted, Logan.”

“You sound just like Jack,” Logan said with an eye-roll. “It’s annoying. Cute, in a way, but definitely annoying.”

Roman gave Logan a grin. “That’s a high compliment you know. Sounding like your boyfriend.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Logan said, shaking his head and smirking.

“Oh, so I guess I should tell your boyfriend your highly-esteemed opinion of him?” Roman asked, snatching Logan’s phone from the cupholder it had been residing in.

“Roman!” Logan shrieked indignantly, using one hand to blindly grab for his phone even as he kept his eyes on the road. “Give me that!”

Roman gleefully held it out of Logan’s reach as he dictated what he was typing. “Hey Jack...Roman here. Your boyfriend thinks that comparing someone to you...isn’t...a...compliment! Ha!”

“Give it back!” Logan exclaimed, lunging for the phone and yanking it free of Roman’s grasp, at the price of nearly swerving off the road.

“Too late, it’s already sent!” Roman exclaimed.

Logan locked his phone and dropped it back in the cupholder. “I hate you.”

Roman laughed unapologetically. “This is Jack, Lo. I doubt he’d break up with you over that. If anything, he’ll probably just respond with a ‘mood’ and be done with it.”

“I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you,” Logan said.

As if on cue, Roman got three text alert messages in a row, and he could see they were all from Jack. More kept coming, and he arched his eyebrows. “How many texts is Jack going to send?”

“Probably around fifty,” Logan said casually. “Most of them about stealing my phone to send text messages, a couple calling you a snitch, some memes, at least one asking if I’m driving and that’s how you got to send the text, and the final two will probably be a ‘thank you for telling me’ and ‘but mood.’”

Roman watched his text count go up and his blood pressure with it. “This is ridiculous,” he muttered.

“This is Jack,” Logan said with a laugh. “It’s how he is always.”

“Doesn’t that get exhausting?” Roman asked.

“Well, he’s always tired, but I doubt that’s the reason,” Logan said. “If that’s the only life you ever know, and the only attitude you’ve ever had, I doubt it would be as exhausting as it is to you now.”

Roman made a huh noise. “Don’t you ever get overstimulated talking to him?”

Logan glanced at Roman. “I mean, sometimes, I guess. But not usually. I’ve gotten used to his energy, as it’s grown as both of us grew. To me, he has the same energy levels as he did when we were in kindergarten and he asked if he could call me ‘Jessie.’”

“Did you slug him for that?” Roman asked.

“Well I didn’t know I was trans yet,” Logan said. “So I wouldn’t have punched him over that. I just really hated the nickname. Though I don’t think I punched him for it. Because he asked once and then never again. Apparently I looked completely disgusted at the thought of being called that.”

Roman got quiet, all of his current questions answered. A thought occurred to him, along with a new question. “Do you think of yourself as...you know...your deadname, when you think back into the past?”

Logan hummed. “You know, I try not to, but when I think back to before I realized I was trans, I almost always think of myself as either ‘Jessica’ or ‘pre-Logan.’ I know most trans people eventually adjust and they say, ‘When I was a little boy,’ or ‘This is a picture of a tiny whatever-their-name-is.’ I haven’t made that adjustment. I’m not sure I’m ever going to, at this point.”

“That’s fair,” Roman said. “I don’t ever think of you as...as that, but—”

“Roman, you can say it. You can say Jessica, it’s not a dirty word,” Logan said. “So long as you don’t call me by that as if it were still my name, you can use it around me. It took me a while to distance myself from it, but now I can hear the name without flinching. You don’t ever think of me as Jessica. Just the sentiment behind that means I trust you to use that name, just never on me.”

“Yeah. I don’t ever think of you as Jessica, but it’s weird seeing traditionally feminine clothing on you. Jack showed me some old yearbooks, and I nearly got whiplash,” Roman said. “And I’ll always use Logan when referring to you, even as a little kid. Because the whole, ‘back when he was a she’ or ‘when current name was deadname’ thing is just scummy, especially if you don’t have permission to out that person.”

Logan smiled. “You’re one of the good ones, Roman. Thank you. Would you be willing to go to the GSA next year?”

“Definitely,” Roman said, nodding. “Especially because you’re Vice President.”

[dabiapologist]

[My Hero Academia Fanfiction]: Fever Dream

Pairing: Dabihawks, hawksdabi, hotwings, spicywings

Characters: Dabi (My Hero Academia), Hawks (My Hero Academia), Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Shigaraki Tomura | Shimura Tenko, Usagiyama Rumi | Miruko, Toga Himiko

Rated T

Word Count: 2.2k

Chapter 1/3

Tags: i've always wanted to write a sick fic, Don't Judge Me, Sick Fic, Fluff, bratty dabi is my favorite dabi, chock full of cliched tropes, and im not sorry, tfw you catch feelings for your annoying villain liaison

Summary: 

"Endeavor-san? Quick question." 

"What is it? I'm busy right now." 

"How do you know if you're sick?"

"...excuse me?"

"Like, how do you know if you're running a fever? Do you even get fevers?"

"Why?"

"Uh, um, just curious?"

On the other end, he hears Endeavor sigh in annoyance. "Of all the things, Hawks, Why would you be curious about that?"

"Well," Hawks chews his lip anxiously as he turns to look back over his shoulder, back at the sizzling bundle of blankets on his couch.

Sizzling.

Oh. That's probably not a good sign.

Read it on || AO3

At a glance, Dabi’s moods and expressions are damn near impossible to tell apart. In the time that they’ve been in contact, Hawks has only really seen Dabi function in three modes: Distant and Aloof, Aggravatingly Smug, and FIRE. And even then, the first and the last tend to blend together most of the time, since Dabi doesn’t think much of using his quirk on others. Hawks finds himself wondering if the novelties of murder and arson and villainy have long since worn off for his scarred cohort.

Even so, Hawks prides himself on his razor sharp skills of observation. You can’t be a hero without some semblance of awareness, let alone a top hero, but Hawks’ skills are a clear cut above the others, thanks in large part to the extraordinary precision required to use his quirk effectively.

And tonight, it is obvious that there is something very… off.

Dabi is quiet normally, usually sticking to one or two word answers. Three, if he's feeling particularly chatty. Unless it's to insult him, of course. For that, Dabi will talk all day long. But as they walk side by side down the dark alleyway, having just completed a deal with a shady fellow who leered at the two of them in a way that makes Hawks desperate for a shower, Hawks feels like Dabi is too quiet. To the point where it's uncomfortable.

Even when Hawks’ foot catches a large pothole and he stumbles and bumps into Dabi, the taller man doesn’t acknowledge it, other than a tired suck of the teeth and an outstretched arm to set Hawks upright. Not that Hawks really needed him to do that; he quickly steadies himself with his wings and manages to keep his balance, but that’s hardly the point.

Not a single word. Not even a “You fucking clumsy idiot,” Which is one of Dabi's default reactions where Hawks is concerned, and one that Hawks had an insult fully prepared for.

But nothing.

Hawks wonders if maybe it’s the weather. Rainy weather is one of the few things, besides him, hero society, and the gross dehydrated vegetables in instant ramen, that Dabi is actually quite vocal about hating. It’s been raining for the past few days, and tonight especially, it’s coming down like it’s the end of days. He’s thankful he had the foresight to wear an extra layer under his coat, though at the moment it’s not really doing much to warm him. It’s only been raining hard for maybe ten minutes at the most, but his hair is already dripping into his eyes and the rain is weighing his feathers down almost to the point of discomfort.

Dabi isn’t faring much better, Hawks notices. Being a fire user, he doesn’t necessarily need any extra layers; the bastard could probably steam himself dry in a few minutes if he wanted to. But as Hawks discreetly eyes him, watching the rain drip down his fringe, plastering his dark hair to his head and face, he thinks it might have been wiser to at least wear a hoodie or something, rather than just his usual overcoat with that thin, dingy shirt underneath.

Thankfully, the storm passes quickly. It lessens back to a light drizzle by the time they clear the alleyway, and Hawks finally has enough space (and reason) to stretch his wings out to their full wingspan. With a few mighty flaps, he shakes all of the excess water from his feathers.

“I hate it when it rains this hard,” He says casually as he folds his wings back, “Weighs my damn wings down.” It’s a relatively inane, pointless comment, one that Dabi would not hesitate to label as such; Hawks is hoping he will, if only to break some of the tension that’s been hanging in the air all night. Because truthfully, it’s a discomfiting silence. One that is slowly driving Hawks crazy. Hell, dare he say it, he would actually take the threatening but oddly playful barbs and bickering the two of them engage in (when Dabi is feeling more talkative) on occasion to this.

But all Dabi gives him in response as they continue on their way is an absent nod and a shrug of the shoulders.

Hawks almost growls at the lack of engagement, but gives up. He knows how to pick his battles, too. And by the way Dabi stares straight ahead, jaw set tight, eyes clouded and distant, this is one perhaps best left alone. He’s clearly got something on his mind tonight, and Hawks decides to let it be. It’s not like it’s his problem, anyway.

At least, that’s how Hawks feels until they turn onto another side street, down to the junction where they usually part ways.

“So, I’ll pass the news along to Shigaraki,” Dabi speaks for the first time since leaving that skeevy dealer’s place, voice even softer than normal, “And then once he gives the… the, uh…” He trails off briefly, eyes pinching shut, letting out a quiet, pained grunt.

Ah, so that’s it, Hawks realizes instantly, he’s just not feeling well.

However, he’s not above taking his jabs at Dabi when the opportunity arises. After all, if their roles were reversed, Dabi would most definitely lay into him without a second thought. They have been, and he has, so Hawks feels no shame or sympathy when he says, “You don’t look too good, Dabi. You alright?”

Finally, a genuine reaction: Dabi’s eyes narrow to slits, in what Hawks’ assumes is annoyance at both his taunt, and at himself for letting Hawks see any weakness. Dabi exhales sharply and straightens up to full his height and squares his shoulders, shaking any semblance of discomfort from his visage.

“I’m fine,” He mutters, inhaling deeply, “Just tired.”

“Mm-hmm,” Hawks nods, though he’s hardly convinced. Now, under the streetlights, he can just barely see that Dabi is a little pale in the face, and, for all of his forced bravado, his shoulders are starting to slump again.

“Tired. Right. Once Shigaraki gives the what now?”

Dabi sucks his teeth, mustering up just enough energy to give Hawks one last scathing look. “Once he gives the okay, I’ll contact you again.”

He doesn’t say another word as he turns to leave, and Hawks doesn’t say anything else either.

But he watches.

He stares at Dabi’s retreating back for a bit, head cocked to the side. When Dabi turned away, he turned just a little too quickly, a little too aggressively, and there was a very noticeable lurch and bob as he righted himself before walking away. The first real, clear sign that Dabi is under the weather he’s had tonight.

It was quick; anyone else would’ve missed it. Hawks, unfortunately, is not one of those people, though he really wishes he was. Because now, he can’t move from this spot until Dabi leaves his sight still an upright and ambulatory sentient mood swing. His conscience just won’t let him budge.

Goddammit. He curses mentally.

And, just for the record, it’s not that Hawks necessarily cares about Dabi’s well-being. If it were up to him, he’d let Dabi rot in that gross, dirty alleyway from before. It’s all the man deserves, frankly. What he does care about, however, is maintaining a (somewhat) reliable communication with the league. And for that, he needs Dabi. Dabi is his way in, --his only  way in-- so he’s obligated to care a little.

Besides, he knows for a fact that Dabi’s apartment is a long ways off from here, if only because he’s followed him home before, for surveillance purposes. And hell, it could barely be called an apartment to begin with.

And that piece of knowledge is what finally uproots him from his spot at the stoplight. Dabi rounded the corner a while ago, so Hawks figures it’ll be faster if he takes to the sky. He lands up on the rooftop of the building, and walks along the length of it to the corner.

That’s where he spots Dabi.

Well that didn’t take long, he thinks to himself. letting out a whistle. Dabi must’ve been making one hell of an effort to not let Hawks see just how poorly off he actually was.

“Boy, do I hate being right all the time,”He mutters out loud, but nonetheless he soars back down to ground level.

“Just tired, huh?” He says with a chuckle as he closes the distance between himself and Dabi, “Did you really think you could fool me, Dabi?”

Dabi, who is slumped against the side of the building, his breathing labored between wet coughs, just stares back up at him through narrowed but unfocused eyes. Even in the orange glow of the street lights overhead, the pallor of his skin, the healthy parts, stands in stark contrast to the deep purple scars. Deep down, Hawks can’t help but feel a tiny modicum of respect for the man. How he managed to keep himself together for the duration of the deal is a mystery to him because, to be frank, he looks even more like shit now than before.

Hawks doesn’t hesitate to tell him that, either.

“Fuck off,” Dabi snaps, but it’s hard to be intimidated by him when he slides to the floor, slowly curling into himself and trembling.

Hawks sighs. Damn his conscience.

“Look, I don’t know where you live,” A lie, “But based on what I’m seeing right now,” He says, gesturing to Dabi’s current position and quickly deteriorating condition, “I don’t think you’re gonna make it home, man. Come-”

“I’ll manage,” Dabi cuts him off sharply, pausing for a beat when a wave of nausea passes through him, “I just...need a minute to catch my breath.”

Hawks gives him a look. “The only thing you’ll manage in your state is to stumble into traffic and get hit by a car. That or pass out on some random sidewalk.”

Dabi growls.“I’m fine,” He reiterates, forcing himself to his feet, “I’ve dealt with worse. Just go away.”

He could go away, he should go away. But Hawks doesn’t. Instead, he walks a few paces behind Dabi’s still slouched form, face twisted into a permanent grimace as he watches the other man force himself along at a snail’s pace, using the wall to brace himself. At this rate, it’ll be sunrise before he makes it home.

Assuming he doesn’t pass out face down on the ground before then.

Hawks rolls his eyes. For fuck’s sake.

With two flaps of his wings, he lands directly in front of Dabi, forcing him to stop. “Come home with me.”

Oof, could’ve worded that better, he thinks. By the look on Dabi’s face, he clearly agrees.

“My place isn’t far from here,” Hawks continues quickly, “And I can’t, in good conscience, let you go after seeing you like this. Just crash at my place tonight.”

Despite looking and feeling like death warmed up, Dabi still gives him one of his standard sarcastic replies. “Aww, that’s so fuckin’ sweet of you, hero. Now, move. I said I’m fine.” He says caustically as he shoves his way around Hawks’ form...

...and immediately collapses on the ground.

Hawks stares down at his prone form, shaking his head. “Yep, seems about right.”

He walks over and picks Dabi up, bridal style. Despite their height difference, Hawks finds himself barely struggling to hold the other man. Dabi fits in his arms easily after just a bit of manipulation into a more comfortable position. Wow, he’s a lot lighter than he looks, Hawks thinks, eyebrows furrowing as he hefts Dabi up a bit closer to his body, preparing to take flight.

“I guess now you have no choice but to come with me,” He says, watching as Dabi’s head lulls to the side, unconsciously pressing into Hawks' chest, his face contorted with pain. “You’re definitely not going anywhere like this.”

But Dabi is nothing if not persistent. And amazingly stubborn.

“Put me down,” Dabi still manages to croak out, even on the precipice of unconsciousness, “I don’t need your fucking help.”

It would almost be impressive, if Hawks wasn’t so tired and desperate to get to his damn apartment already. Still, he can’t help but laugh out loud at Dabi’s tenacity. He doesn’t know when to give up, does he?

“Dude, you just went down like the goddamn Hindenburg, and you’re still fussing? Just give it up. You’re coming back to my place, and you can sleep this off. I need you alive.”

Dabi grips the front of his jacket weakly. “If you take off, I swear to god I will set the both of us on fire.”

Hawks blinks down at him. Alright. That’s it.

“For fuck’s sake,” Hawks snaps, “Well, if that’s how you’re gonna be, then you leave me no choice.”

“Wha-” Dabi doesn’t get another word in, as Hawks promptly headbutts him into silence.

“What a brat,” Hawks says aloud. With Dabi’s now fully unconscious form hanging in his arms like a limp rag, Hawks has to roll his eyes at the ridiculousness of this situation. He really should’ve just let him go.

“I’m sure this is gonna come back to bite me in the ass,” He mutters to himself as he takes flight.

Because after all, no good deed goes unpunished.

[arosnowflake]

I love your blog and your autistic and aro headcanons! I just wanted to ask: I'm [probably] not an autistic person but sometimes yours and other autistic people's headcanons and writing about experiences inspire my own autistic character headcanons. I worry I should not be making these headcanons (in case I'm misinterpreting your experiences or being unintentionally Terrible) but if you have any advice on this I'd be grateful! No worries if not, as well. Keep being your fantastic self

This is a really sweet message thank you so much! As a general rule, there’s nothing wrong with allistics making autistic headcanons; in fact, I’d personally really like to see that be something that grows more mainstream, because it’d mean normalization of autistic headcanons/characters and show a general growing interest in actually learning about autism. So please, do go ahead and make your headcanons! There’s no problem with them!

That said, it’s also unfortunately true that some allistics (often a lot of them) who make autistic headcanons can fall into some common ableist (or not necessarily ableist but still kind of unfortunate) pitfalls, so in case you’re worried about that (although honestly the fact that you sent this ask in the first place probably means that you’re good anyway), here’s some tips and tricks to avoid common issues with allistic autistic headcanons (there’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one):

Please don’t use functioning labels for your autistic characters. Functioning labels are labels like ‘high-functioning’ and ‘low-functioning’, and they’re generally considered to be bad by the autistic community for a variety of reasons (more here (although most of the links are dead), here, here (under ‘We Are One Community’), here). However, I’ve noticed a lot of allistics (and ignorant autistics too) who add these onto their headcanons. Please don’t? 

More of a personal thing, but please don’t separate your autistic headcanons into ‘Aspergers’ and ‘autism’. Aspergers is autism, and with the updated DSM, does not exist anymore and has been merged into the overarching diagnosis of ASD. Classifying specific characters as ‘aspies’ is alienating to autistics who aren’t aspies. If aspies themselves headcanon characters as aspies I don’t mind, but when allistics do it I get Suspicious. 

This also goes for separating your autism diagnosis into ‘PDD-NOS’ and ‘classical autism’, but I pretty much never see that so it has lower priority.

Full disclosure though: I have very negative experiences with the Aspergers diagnosis in general and I hate it so much that I have ‘aspie’, ‘aspergers’, and ‘aspergers syndrome’ just straight up blacklisted. I’m not an unbiased source here. 

While we’re on the topic of correct language usage, please use identity first language for your autistic headcanon, not person first language (identity first: autistic person; person first: person with autism). The majority of the autistic community prefers identity first language because we don’t feel like our autism can be separated from who we are (more here, here). 

Also maybe refrain from using the phrases ‘ASD’, ‘on the spectrum’, ‘somewhere on the autism spectrum’, etc. and just use ‘autistic’ instead. There’s nothing inherently Problematic(TM) about those phrases, but it’s really weird to read an entire autistic headcanon that doesn’t use the word autistic, or seems to want to avoid using it. 

Don’t use infantilizing language! Maybe think twice before calling your autistic headcanon a ‘precious baby’ or a ‘smol child’ or something, especially if they’re a grown adult. I mean, doing this once in the tags of a post when they’re being cute or something is fine, but do NOT do this on posts where you talk about them being autistic, and do NOT do this on a regular basis.

Do NOT compare them to inhuman things like animals, computers, or aliens. Just. Don’t. Ever.

Be careful headcanoning inhuman characters as autistic. It’s generally not inherently problematic, especially not in fantasy/sci-fi shows where the majority of the cast is inhuman, but it gets really tiring to only ever see the robot/alien headcanoned as autistic, and it promotes our dehumanization. Just examine your patterns and maybe try headcanoning a human character as autistic as well in those sci-fi/fantasy shows?

This goes more for robots/aliens than for things like elves. Robots/aliens tend to be autism-coded, which has lead to the negative stereotype that autistics are like robots, and the very literal alienation of autistic people. Elves, on the other and, are not historically autism-coded, and are generally considered super cool and graceful and such, so headcanoning them as autistic is pretty much always okay.

If possible, promote autistics who make content for your autistic headcanon! Read their fics! Reblog their headcanon posts! If you can’t find stuff that’s fine, and you can definitely make your own stuff as well, but if you can, promote autistics!

Related, listen to autistics! Not just when we tell you something is problematic, but if you’re making headcanons, it’s a good idea to have at least a base knowledge of our experiences and the issues we face, so that you don’t accidentally do something problematic. (Anon seems to have this down already, but since this is more of a general list, I’m putting it on anyway). ASAN and the Autism Women’s Network are both fantastic places to start learning about autism, Autism Speaks is the devil and to be avoided at all costs, and there’s plenty of autistic bloggers on this site, so maybe follow some autism blogs!

Don’t put an ‘I’m allistic so tell me if I said something bad!’ disclaimer on your autistic headcanon posts. This is a good habit when writing Serious Posts, but for headcanons, it’s unnecessary and generally kinda weird. It’s not Problematic(TM), and I understand having anxiety and insecurity when making headcanons for something outside of your experience, but it’s. Kinda annoying. Do it in the tags instead; that way people can still be informed about the fact that you’re allistic, without it being obnoxiously on the post no matter what you do.

Don’t write fic specifically about being autistic - you are not autistic and you’re probably gonna get something wrong. Instead, incorporate your autistic headcanon into fics about something else. It’s fine if the autism features heavily, just... no ‘x always knew they were different’ or ‘x has always seen the word in a different light due to the fact that they’re autistic’-centric fics. 

Exception: you can write fics about being autistic provided you have an autistic beta/sensitivity reader. And if you do, mention it somewhere on the fic. Idk about other autistics, but unless an autism-centric fic seems like it was written by an autistic, I scroll right past it, because they tend to be very ableist if they’re written by allistics. So if you have an autistic sensitivity reader, mention it.

Headcanon lists are fine though! Headcanon lists are generally less intensive and require less ability to ‘get into someone’s head’ than fic writing, so if you want to say ‘I headcanon x as autistic because y reasons’ or ‘x is autistic and they stim in the following ways/have meltdowns/script/etc.’ that’s fine and cool!

Fanart and edits are cool too! Again, there’s less need to get into someone’s head, so drawing a character while stimming or editing the autism/neurodiversity rainbow infinity symbol behind them is just fine!

Every once in a while, sit back and examine the patterns in your autistic headcanons. What kind of characters are you headcanoning as autistic? Do you notice any worrying patterns? For example, are all your autistic headcanons white, or are they all male, or are they all robots/aliens, or do you also just so happen to headcanon all of them as aro/ace and/or unavailable for romantic/sexual relationships? That’s not to say that any and all patterns are always bad or ableist (pretty much all of my autistic headcanons are also aspec bc I’m an autistic aspec and I like projecting) (although if your autistic headcanons are always male/white, then yes that’s absolutely bad), but if you find a pattern, examine possible reasons why it exists.

This is a good habit to get into with any kind of minority headcanon, by the way! I’m gonna use LGBT+ headcanons as an example: who are you headcanoning as aspec and why? Do you notice a particular LGBT+ that’s getting left behind in your headcanons? Do you always pick the same character archetype for certain LGBT+ headcanons (for example, cold unapproachable characters as aro or extroverted characters as pan), and if so, why? 

Actually! Examining your patterns in fandom behaviour in general is good. If you notice you usually don’t like female characters, then that’s probably something you should examine. If you notice that all your faves are white and that you are more interested in white background characters than main characters of colour, you should examine that. If you notice that, even though you like this minority character or headcanon, you don’t consume or create any content for them, examine why. 

Problematic fandom behaviour very rarely manifests itself in something that happens once. It’s not inherently wrong to dislike this female character or not to like that ace headcanon, but if you notice that you consistently don’t like or aren’t interested in a particular character or headcanon, or if you notice that you consistently give particular characters particular headcanons, that might be an issue. Like I said, patterns are not always bad, but it’s good to be aware of them in case they are.

I’ll elaborate a bit on autistic aspec headcanons bc that’s such a hot button issue in fandom (bc people are asshats), but the tl;dr is that autistic aspec headcanons are not inherently bad and in fact, as an autistic aspec myself, I rather like them. However, headcanoning the one autistic-coded character as the one aroace in the group unfortunately does happen pretty often (Entrapta from She-Ra comes to mind - I’ve seen SO MANY posts about how everyone is a lesbian in She-Ra except for Entrapta, who is aroace of course, and it’s... pretty suspicious). But that’s not to say that you cannot headcanon autistic-coded/headcanoned characters as aspec; I elaborate more on this topic here (featuring a GREAT addition by @aroworlds!). Just examine your patterns and why they exist.

So this is not something that Inherently Problematic(TM), but it’s very annoying to me, so here goes: maybe diversify your autistic headcanons. I’m not saying ‘make sure your autistic headcanons are also poc/lgbt/etc.’ (although that’s very cool too), but just... diversify the autism itself. Often, it’s the exact same character archetype that gets headcanoned as autistic, and as an autistic whose autism tends to manifest in less typical ways, it gets... annoying. 

Examples of typical autism tropes: the eccentric (computer/science) genius, the robot/alien, the socially awkward.traumatized loner, etc.

Examples of characters frequently headcanoned as autistic: Tony Stark (eccentric computer genius), Bruce Banner (socially awkward science genius), Pidge from Voltron (eccentric computer/science genius), Keith from Voltron (socially awkward loner alien), Entrapta (eccentric computer/science genius), Sherlock Holmes (eccentric genius), etc.

Also note how 90% of these characters are skinny white guys.

Seriously it’s 100% more likely for a skinny white guy to get headcanoned as autistic than it is for any character of colour and/or female character to get headcanoned as autistic, PLEASE examine your biases.

Examples of character archetypes that damn near never get headcanoned as autistic: team leaders, extroverted/loud characters, team heart (aka the ‘team mediator’, the glue that keeps people together), etc.

Examples of autistic headcanons I have that are non-conventional/less common: Allura from Voltron (team heart, leader), Hunk from Voltron (team heart), Arthur from BBC Merlin (leader), Kaldur’ahm from Young Justice (leader).

All of these characters are pretty damn autism-coded, and while it’s not... impossible to find content for some of these, there’s generally a lot less for them. 

What I’m getting at is that, because the stereotypical autism-coded character of the eccentric computer nerd/socially awkward loner/robot/alien looms larger in the public consciousness, there’s a confirmation bias when it comes to these kind of characters. This often gets coupled with the stereotype that all autistic people are white boys, which results in a whole lot of the same white guys being headcanoned as autistic, even when other characters are just as if not more autism-coded. 

It’s not Problematic(TM) to headcanon more stereoypically autism-coded characters as autistic, and it’s honestly not even Problmatic(TM) to only headcanon those characters as autistic, especially not if an autistic person who does present like that relates to those characters or if an allistic isn’t sure about their headcanons and wants to play it safe. But it does lead to a very monotone depiction of autism, and leads autistic people who don’t fit the stereotypical mold (me!) to feel left out. So, if possible, try researching lesser known autism traits or just generally thinking a bit out of the box when making autism headcanons.

It’s definitely bad to only headcanon skinny white guys as autistic though. Like I know I’ve said this 50 times now, but seriously, fandom racism and sexism (or a neat combination of the two in case of female character of colour) is SUPER noticeable in autistic headcanons. 

And lastly: when in doubt, ask an autistic! Asking questions isn’t illegal, and if you’re not sure about whether x thing you want to do is okay, just shoot an autistic (who is okay with questions) an ask! I’m always open for questions about autism and such (and I love talking about it so that’s a bonus), so don’t be afraid to hit me up for further info!

[chibigissy]

This was Too Annoying for a Video so here’s a Tumblr Post that’s a Ted Talk. (PLEASE READ THO)

Okay, let's start out by saying, I had originally had a recording for this type of subject, which is a bit of a response to Evan's podcast "Animation Hour", or at least part of it. It's was mainly about works that in a style of a motion comic and works that in a style of a Visual Novel. It was before I talked with a good friend of mine about this and he coined a term that is more broad terms for the type of content we do, which started out as a semi-joke before I'm actually starting to legit like the term. So recording and video I originally had is useless no longer relevant in my eyes. But hey, it's better to start over from the ground up when doing these types of discussions. If you have not seen Animation Hour and have read the comments, I recommend you do so. Cuz, I'm sure this shit is gonna get confusing.

With all that said, let's get started.

So I know that Evan's First Animation Hour, where he talks about fanime, and already, there has been plenty feedback. Alot them are fairly good. Some positive and some fairly critical with reasoning behind it. There is a bit of a discussion. Yeah, 25 comments is not a whole lot compared to other types of YouTube videos that got like a million comments per day but compared to some videos those in our community get, I'd say that is a fairly decent amount, if I do say so myself. One thing that has been brought up in some comments of the video, is the term the Evan coined, which is OAS. OAS stands for Original Animated Series. And it's good term. It's a abbreviated like AMV, PMV, MAP, and MEP. It's short, sweet and to the point. AND It's more board so anyone can join and we can refer to our fanimes as such when promoting them to those outside of the fanime community. However, I do feel there is a bit of a miscalculation Evan might have.... well, unless he'll explain what he means in the next animation hour. I do feel OAS might exclude those that don't animate much for there series, such as doing things in a style of a motion comic or a visual novel (The latter being more of my concern, since initially, what the fuck can you call that besides fanime.) See, I said my original discussion video, you can easily refer to your motion comic style series as motion comic, as it is an established genre. With a visual novel style series, I did tried to coin the term "VNS" which stands for "Visual Novel Series" but it has it's ups and downs. The downside is that it's a little to vague of a term and it could apply to a series of visual novel games, say like Ace Attorney, Danganronpa, and Higurashi. The upside is that acronyms can have more that one meaning. There are two meanings for PMV. My friend, TenshiHanka, told me it could mean either "Picture Music Video" or "Pony Music Video". Speaking of which, I had a conversation with Tenshi and UniversalFiction about OAS. Universal was asking if we're going to change the name of the Fanime World Server to something like OAS, which I was not sure if the mods would agree to that idea. And least not yet. Might be too soon at this point in time. As for Tenshi, he is basically, like "Yo. I got it! OWS. Which stands for "Original Web Series". And OWE , which stands for "Original Web Episode!" Now, like I said at the beginning of the video, this was a bit of a semi-joke. It was a semi-joke in a sense that we both pronounced them as "ow's" and "ow" and saying shit like "Cuz making art is an ow", which in all fairness, it is. Art can be a pain sometimes. And so, he posted his comment about on his TenshiHankaTR account, which compared to his Otaku Krap account, it's is smol! Like, with the other comments (especially mine), you would need 15 semi-trucks to carry them! With the smol comment, it's straight into the point! Then Universal's comment came a long and she brought up legit good point about how OWS is more inclusive than OAS and I'm like "Oh..... what's feeling in my heart. I think I'm starting to legit like term OWS and OWE" And that's what I feel actually, OWS is good for a series that episodes on YouTube or just the internet in general and OWE is good for one-shot story that is in a video format. It's open for animators and those who don't animate but still like to portray their stories through art and a video format! I'd say it's down right genius Now, I have a bit of hot take, You can have your series under the OWS and OAS labels. After all, as Evan said, you can use as many tags as possible to promote yourself out there. And another hot take, you can also have the fanime label for your OWS in the tags. I feel you can have a community within a community. Now I know what ya'll thinking "Gissy, what the angling fuck are you going on about? And what are you smoking and can I have some of it?". Well, I've seen communities outside of the art community that have their own little sub communities. An example I can bring up is with Twitch. Twitch, while it's a big ass community, has like a shit tone of communities that surrounds a Twitch streamer. There are two I'm in are related to Doodletones and KisakaToriama. And sure, there are times when it's just a chill streams, sometimes it can have a shit ton of overs of... 20 something views. (In the case with Kisa, might be around 30 or more, if she is like playing a popular game) Now I can got into other community types but if I do, we'd be here all day. So yeah, with that example in mind, I'd say, you can have the fanime community with an OAS and OWS/OWE community community! Checkmate, Atheists!! Now, there is one more thing I wanna bring up and that is that what would be a good main hub to post our work, besides YouTube and other Social Medias. Because face it, YouTube is dun mcfucked right now and if you don't have a big following and/or not using your tags properly, your work is gonna get buried by other tweets about some fuckward doing something stupid or illegal for like the millionth time. I know some of you are gonna be like, “Why not a Discord Server as the Main Hub.” And I'd say that is a fairly decent idea. Just don't let me be the moderator for it. Cuz I have the Fanime World Discord to deal with and trying to moderate that server alone is freakin difficult at points. I don't even WANT to imagine how moderating a OWS server would be like, if it has more people than with Fanime World. But there are other options as well. There's creating an amimo for OWS's. There is a problem however, Amino is kinda hard to keep up with. Trying to look at your mobile is tedious at points and the desktop version of Amino kinda sucks, if I'm honest. But here, something like an OWS Amino can work for mobile users that like said app. There's also a creating a forum for OWS's. It's just.... Forums are kinda going extincted, sadly. Like, unless it’s for something popular, it's hard to make forum of something not to popular. "But wait, what about Creative Studio Forum?" you may ask. I know that was popular back in the day but it's currently in the dead zone and none of the moderators of that forum probably don't care about anymore to a point that unless you already have an account on CSF, you get the freakin' #Hashbrown theme since that's currently the default theme. Tho who knows, maybe there will be a "Creative Studio Forum 2: Electric Boogaloo" one of these day. After all, there are other types of projects the tell a story and don't involve video editing exists. I mean hell, Penalty All About was originally a web novel, my duudes! There would just be an OWS sub-section in the of the Visual Project Section of that forum There were other options, such as mastodon or even creating a website from the ground up. The latter might get too confusing, if you don't know any coding. Not to mentioned, both of them cost money. (Even tho, the former claimed to be open source. Don't think I'm not salty that false advertisement, Mastodon....) Anyways, this has gotten a little all over the place but to summarize: 1. OAS is a good public name but it might exclude those that 2. OWS/OWE is a more inclusive those that animate and those that don't but still wanna make episodes. 3. The Fanime Comminity can be within the OAS community and OWS/OWE Communities, change my mind. 4. WE NEED A MAIN HUB CUZ YOUTUBE SUCKS, DAMNIT 5. ????? 6. Profit Okay the last two points are a joke but I hope you get my drift. That is all I gotta say, hope you have a good day, and thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[kevins-hortatory-hub]

cover page

i organized this page via tags - just pages that keep similar pieces of content together. so when i link a general category, it will be to the tag page, which will have the several relevant posts. quick inventory:

cover page (you are here!)

adapted/revised project 2 (can be found here)

project 3 (can be found here) (just the documents are here)

some writing artifacts (can be found here)

you can also just look at the sum of all of these things, in the reverse order i posted them, which will all be on the page that i linked as my submission if you scroll enough.

we find ourselves on tumblr because this is probably my primary social media platform, and i'm quite acclimated to its usage. i also just knew of it being able to host audio, embed images, etc. i could also create this page without having to register anything or think too hard. naturally, as we are in the online realm, i use my online voice.

an obvious theme across this content is music making, and particularly trying to pull apart and make cases as to where it is that the appeal of music lives. i also hope to exhibit general wonder and awe with respect to the richnesses of communication in music - you can notice two ends of a spectrum here, between the review of joanna newsom's incredibly verbose music and the intractable sound of liz fraser's voice.

the material from project 2 is revised to make better use of a rich text editing format. specifically, on tumblr, there is the ability to place inline images (quite easily, even) that i would hope make the review feel more sectional and digestible rather than a stack of text. it also felt particularly appropriate, as i usually post music reviews to my tumblr page (my other one) and i suppose i had forgotten to do that for this review - i think the blog-post feeling of tumblr is the most suitable for my review writing style, compared to the published feeling offered by rateyourmusic.

the material from project 3 is hosted here, and i would say a simple yet fundamental reason for that is that it's so annoying to host an audio file almost anywhere, and with tumblr i can just give you a link that has an mp3 file with no problems. additionally, the post that contains the audio file is able to have a labeling of the song and artist titles, as well as a cover photo. i thought it was an interesting paradigm. it sort of legitimized the thing for me - up until that moment of "publishing" it, it had felt like a near-scrap project. i also just enjoy the way that the block quote looks on tumblr, which was good for the phonetic transcription.

moreover, the fact of a song-plus-music-video just feels like a classic thing to be included in a portfolio. maybe some day down the line i'll have a proper website that has music and/or visual media embedded in it.

my work this semester fits in a long-stretching narrative as to my ability to complete artistic works. the only thing that was fully and truly unlike anything i had done before was the singing-outside-and-videoing-myself aspect of the project 3 video, but multiple times i impressed myself at the fact of a timely completion of a project (which is a rich thing to say for project 3 and this porfolio, sure, but i also feel that i shot pretty high as far as the ambition of it). we discuss the ability for different genre forms to interact with the rhetorical strength for an audience, but something critical here is that the formal existence and presentation of my projects sold them to me, myself as something valuable and worth completing. things like that fact of publishing the cocteau twins cover and giving it a name and title will be useful for me to think about in the future as i attempt to get more similar projects out into the world.

similarly, i'll keep thinking about the formality or informality, as well as design nuances, with regards to other creative projects, with respect to taking inventory of a rich communication that exists in my head and trying to express the shape of it in a familiar way.

thank you for reading !

[theanonymousbooks]

Hey! This might be an annoying question in which case feel free to ignore :) I'm new to the concept of queerplatonic relationships & I guess I'm just still not clear on the gap it's filling. I have a few "best friends,” male and female, whom I love dearly, cuddle with, and express my love to regularly. We go to dinner, have picnics, see movies, sleep over at each others’ places, etc. I'm not sexually attracted to them at all and have thus far used "best friend" to describe our relationship (1/2)

(2/2) because I see it as an umbrella term that implies essentially similar things to queerplatonic. I read your explanation and I definitely understand how frustrating it is to have an identity that you don’t relate to forced upon you. I’ve been trying to find more posts on the subject but I’m still kinda confused so I was wondering if you would mind explaining the distinction between the two a little more clearly. 

Hello Nony! I hope you do not think I was ignoring you, and I certainly don’t think you are being annoying! I have just been busy with work and tired because of depression. But here I am to answer any and all questions to might have!!I will however preface this by saying that I do not consider myself the best at answering this question. While I have a done research for my personal needs, to pretend that what I talk about is a well developed and well researched opinion that is popular and taken as universal within the qp community would be kind of pompous and most definitely shitty of me. Even the explanation you are referring to, if I’m thinking of the correct one, was made in annoyance and anger and was a little immature of me. With all that said however, I am glad to share my opinion with anyone who asks in a spirit of interest and learning and encourage you to also look elsewhere for other opinions as well in order to learn even more and create your own educated opinions!! Of course you might already know all that and I am babbling on for completely different pompous and immature reasons but eh, what cha going do?I understand the confusion, even those within the aromatic community as been confused by the term. Even those it applies to and who use it can be and are confused by it! It took a long time for me, until even after I made that original description, to fully understand what it is. And even then, it’s more of what it means to me rather than a universal ‘This is what it always mean to everyone.’ It’s certainly doesn’t mean ‘Just a fancy word for best friend’ but that doesn’t mean that doing typically romantically coded things with your friends means that you are actually in a qp relationship with them. You can cuddle and kiss and love on your best friend, I certainly do! And they are still my best friend. They are not my qpp nor would I want to enter into that relationship with them, though I could label it that if I wanted. But I don’t want to- nor will I ever I suspect- not because my love for them is less or not as important, but simply because the attraction I feel for them is one of pure friendship and, in fact, my love would be less or tarnished if I tried to label it anything else. My friends are so important to me and the best way I can love them and the most love I can feel for them is by friendship, full stop.But that’s not the same for everyone. I feel attraction for people that is not sexual, romantic, or platonic. Unless you define platonic as ‘not sexual, familial, or romantic’ then sure it’s platonic, but I don’t want them to be my friend, I want to something different with them because I feel something different with them then friendship. It’s not more, or less, just different. And it took of lot of self searching and realizing to find that out about myself. It’s especially difficult in the society we live in, where the only types of attractions that are acknowledged, and barely at that sometimes, is platonic, sexual, romantic, and familial. In our society there is no other way to feel love or attraction. If they’re not your family and you don’t want to bang or romance them, then they’re your friend. If they’re not your family and what you feel for them is different than what you feel for your friend, then it must be romantic and sexual! But society, as it is many, many times and will continue to be for many more, is wrong. There are endless ways to feel love and attraction and they don’t always fall within those four categories, and that is where queer platonic relationships come in. 

Certainly if I were ever to have partner I would want them to be my friend, require them to be my friend in fact, but that doesn’t mean what I feel for them would have to strictly be friendship. People with romantic partners also consider them their best friend all the time, why can’t I with mine? But that’s the point, I feel something else besides friendship with them and that attraction and love makes me want to label it something other than friendship, because it’s not strictly friendship, it’s something different. For me personally, with my own attraction, this means that I feel an emotional closeness that I desire to define in a relationship that is outside the bounds of romance, sexual attraction, and friendship. I feel a love that is not romantic, sexual, nor strictly friendship. Now I could try to tell you the difference between romantic, sexual, and platonic love, but that is essentially futile effort in my opinion and can not be defined universally. It is instead up to each individual person to find out for themselves personally; like you and I said, we cuddle with our best friends, that doesn’t make it romantic or sexual! The distinction between the three is ultimately up to what you feel romantically arousing, sexually arousing, and for lack of a better term, platonically arousing. And to be fair, the same action can entice different feelings with different people or even the same people at different time. Again, it really just depends on you and what you feel.The same is to be said for queer platonic relationships. If you feel that the attraction and arousal you feel is outside the norms that society as laid out, or in other words if you feel that it is not romantic, sexual, nor strictly platonic or strictly “friendship,” then you might find the term queer platonic relationship helpful to the type of relationships you form. All that being said, I also hold the believe that there is no reason why you can’t use it to describe a relationship that is strictly friendship. If you love your friend so much and in such a way that you feel “friend” and “best friend” no longer does justice in how to describe it, and you feel queer platonic might be a good label to use (or perhaps quasi platonic if you are uncomfortable calling it queer) then I say go for it. Queer platonic relationship can mean many different things and take on many different forms, and the one I described isn’t a “wrong” type. I believe others feel differently, but that is my opinion.I hope this has helped you, my nony. However unlearning societies “truths” is a long and difficult process, so don’t feel bad if you feel like no matter what you do, you are still confused on the subject. That is extremely common, and nothing to feel ashamed about. If you seek to no longer be confused, just keep learning. It’s will always bring you knowledge :) If you feel like something I have said personally is confusing, feel free to ask me to clarify, or try and explain further. I may be able to, I might not be able to, but I will certainly try my best. I will also later on tag some blogs onto this post that may be able to help as well, and that have personally helped me. I am tired again though, so I can’t bring myself to do it right now, sorry.In whatever way you feel safest and most comforting to define your relationship, I wish you happiness and love, no matter what that way is. May you have a life you love with relationships you cherish, my nony, no matter what form they take. :)

[survivor-kuang-si]

Episode 1: “I’m shaking in my crocs.” - Tyler

Okay so to begin my game I've started to attach myself to everyone. I'm trying to communicate with them to the best of my ability. However, Kai searching for the idol is pretty suspect if you ask me. I'll keep him close to see what he makes out to be. Other than that, I want to try and be everyone's best friend, but then get them out when necessary. From first impressions, I feel like I can trust Devon and Brendan. Danganronpa solidarity. However, Alexa may be targeted for being the only girl on an otherwise all-guys tribe. If she does get targeted, I want to try and save her so she's in my pocket. Let's play some survivor!

 Already straight out of the gate these people are boring me. I woke up super early cause here i am thinking all these Americans will be awake for this. But nope, pretty much no one is online. Quite frankly, i'm thinking of sueing.

  Ahhhh I'm so glad I'm here! It's exciting

 So Turkey just asked me to be his first ally seems like a stand up guy that I can get along with. In small tribes you can never be comfortable but pairs have run the game before.

 So the game has just officially started! I'm starting to get a feel for everyone and I'm liking some of my options. I started having a conversation with David and straight away knew I wanted an alliance with him. He seems dumb and I like dumb because it usually means they are easier to manipulate. I would love to hire all the dumb people to be my firing squad, after all they're all just expendable sheep.

Heyo. So, after taking a look at the roster, I don't think that I stand a chance to win, as I'm the only non-native English speaker. From my experience, I should avoid "standing out".

So to not stand out even more, I won't be getting a really high score in the first game. 

I won't look for a hidden idol either. The people aren't too talkative so far, which really isn't a bad thing. I can just blend in, hopefully. Let's see where we go from here by laying low :)

 This reward challenge is so infuriating, i ended up getting a really good score eventhough i have 0 clue how, but hey, i'll roll with it. David just told the tribe that he can't participate in this reward challenge as his plane was delayed 5 hours. Not good enough David. I expect you to get in that control tower and sort out the planes yourself.

I hate winterbells, I hate it with avengence. The annoying bunny, the annoying bells and the annoying music!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!

 With two members of Tanha being mutes i'm feeling pretty safe if we were to go into tribal. Myself, David, Andreas and Amanda are the only people talking in the group chat. This leaves Valentina and Haylei on the outs and hopefully they're some low hanging fruit to pick off. David has already come to me trying to lock them in, so i'm going to stand back and let him be the boss because its way too early for me to want to stand out. You can play in the mud, i'll stand here and watch.

 Couple Things: 

1. I hate Winterbells. 2. Stix's comment about how he was going to vote rubbed me the wrong way. It's just like, keep it to yourself. If you are just going to be out in the open about how you are going to play, I don't think I could trust you to keep secrets safe. All in all, I would rather keep him at arm's length with information. I can see him playing a very loyal game though, so that helps me if he wants to work together. 3. Brandon came to me and offered to work together. Of course I said yes. We both like Danganronpa and we both seem to have similar tastes in games. I want him to be my ride-or-die since he came to me first and all. I think right now is too early to make any moves, though. So we'll just wait and see 4. Alexa has a HUGE score. I want either me or Brandon to buddy up with her so we can find out what she did at the Garden of Eden.

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-S4UBWGhpss

  So we're doing this first immunity challenge and all I can think is, wow, my teams killing it! Why should I kill myself when 1) we are already doing so good. ANd 2) I don't have a target on my back at all. So you bet your ass I did a minimum job and also lied to my tribe! Now I just gotta hope they don't figure out that I lied, but if they do, I feel pretty comfortable in my abilities to talk my way out of it.

okay so I've been doing pretty good in this challenge, i think lmfao, and my tribe is like "33k" "160k" When im over here fucking getting close to 1million. Thank god this is a reward challenge but im really hoping that the other tribe suck ass as much as my tribe does lmfao. Also, im not in this community but i thought i'd try it out, but everyone says "akfadkdfkagklag" im like wtf

 I really like my tribe! Everyone is pretty active and nice! Kai has flawless opinions on BB19, Stix and I are from the same city, Branden and I are both from tengaged which is surprising since I didn't think anyone from tengaged would be playign this season, Devon is pretty quiet but that's okay I know he's been busy with work the first few days and Rafael is pretty fun to talk to.

  So i scored the best challenge score on my tribe! Which honestly wasn't hard, they're all very incompetent. Looking at some of the scores from other tribes, im shaking in my crocs. So i get sent to the garden of Eden with Brandan and McKenna. We have a riveting conversation on call and all decide not to take that lovely temptation. Well i mean i said i wouldn't. I want that idol! I came here to play so honey, you're gonna have to hand over that clue. I wouldn't call it lying, i mean if i told them i was going to take it they'd have a one up on me, and we cant have that. So now i have to throw the immunity challenge! Sorry Tahna, looks like i accidently slept threw the entire challenge! After all i am Australian! David has just told me that i'm his number 1 and I guess he is my number 1 as well, but that doesnt mean im telling him i have the idol clue! Also because i told him 'all about what happened in Eden' he promised to tell me what happened if he was to go in. Sorry David ;)

 The tribe winning the reward really raises moral. That advantage will be super useful for the upcoming immunity. The tribe has decided to go and give the extra life to Brandan since he did get the highest score on the reward challenge. This might get him labeled as comp beast, and thus targeted. For immunity, the plan is to target one tribe and get them out so it ends the challenge quickly and efficiently. I came up with the plan, and have been the most active in the chat. I'm scared of this since it would make me look like a leader, and being a leader puts a target on your back. I doesn't bode well with me. Other than that, I think if we did go to tribal, I would vote out Stix since he has been a bit aloof during the time the game has started. I would like to continue working with Brandan, but have also grown fond of Kai. If Kai, Brandan, and I were in an alliance, that would be my ideal scenario. Raffy logging out!

 I'm trying to convince McKenna or Ally to take on my ideal plan for the challenge as my own, I do not want to put my name out and be singled out if the plan fails. My plan: I'm trying to get our whole tribe to 'shoot' at the Tanha members, send them to tribal because Koalang has an advantage. I personally believe the advantage is an auto dodge if they can't get it off. If Aphi Sa coordinates shots on Tanha, Koalong might tag along and send them to tribial instead of us. Obviously, I don't feel 100% safe, I'm going to be working at the beginning of the challenge. If I get shot while I can't get on my phone, I'm out. I am trying to implement a tribe plan for the challenge without tagging my name on as I can't be there to lead the troops out of the gate.

My tribe is hard to get the correct feel of, I'm not sure if I'm talking to much to them or if they appreciate me having something to read. As far as alliance members go, I am currently trying to find who I would like to be most loyal to in this game. Zach is a strong front runner, as well as Charlotte. I like Ally and McKenna, but McKenna seems like the most likely to "Caesar me" JG is my ideal first boot if it comes to it. He doesn't talk in tribe and has not responded to my pms. Maybe they're all PMing behind me but I doubt it, our tribe chat is DEAD.

 Took a little sneaky peek for the idol. I have to come back again! I was so close! Bloody Mitchell flashing all his idols

 It's annoying that we didn't get anywhere in the challenge. I know some people struggled but I'm like seriously, I struggled and you got less than me, really? I think some weren't really trying and if that happens again I won't be impressed!

 This idol clue was actually such an amazing advantage! After looking for the idol i realised that there was no way anyone could find the idol without the clue. So i know where im looking next round! I am encouraging people from my tribe to look for it so i can seem like a 'team player'. When really, they have no hope.

 I think I've placed myself really well socially in the game. I've been talking and bonding with everyone in the tribe. Though I doubt we will go to tribal. Our strategy is solid. The only change is that we've decided to go for the other tribe as one of their members, Tyler, basically threw the challenge by typing in the sharpshooter chat before the challenge began. Now tey are down to 5 members. This should be easy.

 We just slammed this contest like what the hell , you're not going to show up , I was just in a finale and had a funeral to go to and I was here , LOL THESE PEOPLE ARE JOKES

well that challenge was easy and I think i have very good social bonds right now and I hope I have something flowing with Ally and EG. Zach is chill but I think hes chill with everyone, charlotte is basically inactive and idk hes just weird lmfao, ian just talks to me but we never even formed anything hah

 OMFG what rubbish pile of poo tribe have you put me on. I am so so peed off right now. Considering I am the one with the bad timezone here...... URGH. I was gonna write a long complicated one and I am actually so beyond peed off I don't think I can. I'd better not go I am telling you that much. An 8 hour task and they lasted 16 fecking mins. Hardly anyone talks and noones putting any effort in.

AS expected, the plan worked flawlessy. Aphi Sa even helped out to take down the other tribe. It went smoothly, but Amanda really pulled it out even if she had no one but herself. I'm impressed and kind of sad. Sad that a simple typo brought her down. If she got to the merge or if I end up with her in a tribe, I would definitely love to work with her.

Yay we won both challenges! To recap my day a bit, I'm now in two separate duo alliances! I'm in #TeamBuffalo with Stix and Team Tengaged with Brandan, I really like both of them and Rafael so hopefully us 4 could possibly form a larger alliance together? We'll have to see.

 Ahhhh I'm so happy we won but I definitely think Amanda should get some sort of reward for doing that because the only thing that stopped her from winning was bad spelling.

 Just won our first immunity! My tribe is unstoppable and my plan is working great. I'm keeping a really strong social connection, while also making myself look like I'm beatable in challenges individually! You think firing at 6:06 was a mistake?....oh boy are you wrong. If I'm gonna win this thing, my plan needs to keep going Day by day. Just a little more than the day before. But I'll tell you what, next immunity challenge, if we somehow don't win. I'm ready to make a big move already.

 Well that's fabulous 0 for 2 *strikes pose* Go team.

 Okay, so Brandon has made an alliance with him, Kai, Alexa, and I. While I'm all for an alliance, with six people on this tribe, it really seems easy for it to fall apart. Unless, we don't go to tribal until three tribes become two, I don't see this alliance lasting too long. But at least the two people I want to work with (Kai and Brandon) are with me. Alexa, if it comes down to it, will go out of everyone. For now, however, I need to up my social game with Kai and Brandon so they will want me around more than Alexa. Devon is also someone I feel like I can trust. A side duo with me will be pretty good for me. My tribe rankings would be: 1. Brandon (since he seems to be in everyone's ears and already calling strategic shots) 2. Me (not first because I haven't started strategizing with people) 3. Kai (third most active and useful in challenges) 4. Alexa (she's in by no means a bad spot. The reward challenge should make her higher, but she also doesn't interact as much. I consider her the bottom of the alliance) 5. Devon (sort of just there. A floater) 6. Stix (Bottom of the tribe. A bit aloof when it comes to conversation. Nice guy though)

 Aphi Sa represent! A two round Sharpshooter win has to be something to be proud of right? Full offense to Koalang, we carried you that challenge. Tanha, it was nothing personal we just wanted the advantage to be a non issue and from your reward scores, you seemed like the tribe that would have the least active at the beginning. When Tyler started typing in the challenge chat before the game started I kept thinking to myself, "Do it, come on do it, press enter!" That two round win is my strategic win, I came up with the plan to target Tanha, sorry, I came up with the idea that we do a spread offensive first round to take out the afk's at the start, I was the one who gave the list to the tribe of the names on the other tribes. I did that... with the help of my tribe. Ally is the only person in this game that knows that I was the mind behind a 15 minute challenge, I had to work so I was only going to be active for 3 or 4 rounds so I spent the time leading up to the challenge thinking of routes the challenge that could take and the fastest way to win it for my tribe whilst I could take part or set them up for success in my absence. I reiterate spread offense, logically I wouldn't be the only one who could only participate for so long and hit the people that would be in my boat. Then tactical strikes on the ones that dodge, sadly for Amanda she was the only one on her tribe who participated. My hat's off to you girl, 9 dodges in one round, I couldn't do it, alas a spelling error got you. Can happen to anyone one when the game is on the line and you know everyone is coming for you. Ally proved vital in my quest to get my plan portrayed to the tribe while making everyone feel like they were part of the discussion. In our tribal discussion she helped sway the conversation to points that would emphasis the plan I pm'd her about for the challenge. Hopefully this is indicative of a partnership I would like to have in this game. Everyone felt included, everyone felt vital. Aphi Sa is safe, as great coaches say, “We're on to the next Challenge.”

 Hello ladies and gentlemen, lovers and fighters, high tops and sober bottoms, it is MISS Kelsey Mikaelson, coming to you live and in colour~! That's right, she's back in the business, ready to fight for the crown! And, surprise surprise, no one's talking to her! LOL, let me stop the third person. Entering this season, I was actually quite excited due to the chance to play with actual, like...new people like myself instead all those flops who win a season per month. However, against my expectations, I'm accepted less with these new people than usual XDDD I don't feel like anyone in the tribe is really...like, happy to see me or enjoying speaking with me. It's just not a nice air but what else other than jealousy can start off a season like this? ;) I really wish Tahna won the immunity challenge but that didn't happen so...I've just got to push myself to talk to these people, as much as they don't want to talk to me. Let's hope I don't go home first, that wouldn't be too good a look. If I can make it through this one, I've got a knack I can last so...let's put our hearts up for this one! Wish me luck, loves! ^__^ And THAT'S all there is to it! The body is HERRRREEE! -Kelsey Mikaelson

 Yeah, we were the target to go at the challenge, and it was sad to see us going down so quick, but oh well. With one person attending, that's just how it goes. Not much more to add here :)

 Okay so i'll give like a brief "initial thoughts" run through of everyone, where I stand, and how i'm feeling about the overall game. So, without further ado, let's introduce my fellow tribe mates! First we have Ally. So her and I briefly talked, and it was the minimal type of conversation. I heard from a fellow friend of mine that she is extremely loyal, trustworthy, and likeable, and that I should attempt to befriend her. My goal for the upcoming days is to grow really close with her, and try to form a solidified bond. Next, we have Charlotte. I know of her from another ORG, in which I evicted her (but it was an unanimous vote so let's hope it's not impacting on our relationship). Similar to Ally, we briefly talked on the first day, and it was more about other things opposed to just the simple "hey what's up!" talk, so that's something. I'll probably try to strengthen my relationship with her slightly. Ian's next. He's a goofy person to be honest. I think out of everyone, i've talked to him the most. He's not the most... relatable or easiest to talk to, but he's chill. I think I could see myself working with him to an extent, purely for the benefit of my game, but nonetheless, I need to keep talking to him! Following Ian, we have JG. I have not spoken one, single word to him/them/her. The reasoning is that I want to start a little bit, so we have a bond, but I need someone I can vote out first. Unfortunately, for the luck of draw and timing, they're the one I chose. Maybe things could change though? Who knows. The last individual we have is Mckenna. I really like her, and her and I talked a lot about various things and she has straight out asked me to work together. I said yes, because I do. The only issue with Mckenna is that I think she's playing a social, snake-like game, and i'm a little worried, but it's kind of too early to call. So in conclusion of the initial thoughts, I think I stand okay with everyone. I'm going to try to be more active and helpful so that i'm an attribute to keep around, because quite frankly I want to win. Now, for my strategy. Like every game i've ever played, my intent is to be a strategic goddess. However, I want to revamp that and focus on my social game. In Bahamas (shout out to Dana), my game was purely social, and I made it to final three, placing second and LOSING by one vote against Dana. Strategy was an aspect of my game, but not everything to me. This time, as it's a main season, i'm putting all my energy into this. I'm going to attempt to be manipulative, and run the merge phase and win. Obviously, I won't, i'm too cocky, but that's my hopes and dreams. I want to excel strategically and socially, and be okay competitively. One thing i'm excited for is that this game, I plan on being extremely cutthroat. Will that bite me in the ass? More than likely, but whom cares. I want to be fun, entertaining, and play hard, and if I lose because lack of respect... whatever. But keep in mind that may be subject to change as i'll probably develop secured relationships, and be really nice and loveable. I need to work on my jury management skills, so maybe i'll tell people if i'm voting them off. WOOO That's it for now! Sorry about my ramble! Talk to y'all soon!

 Challenge = Thrown , I'm not going to lie, i didn't mean to send a message to the challenge chat, but i'll take it cause it actually ended up working in my favour! My tribe is from places all over the world and the only person who actually participated was Amanda, which i find hilarious. Annnnd the only person that Amanda wasn't angry at wasn't me🤷🏼‍♂️. Look at me go. We lost the challenge 😭. David and Fairy (Andreas) both talked to me prior to the challenge, and we shared gentle words about how we wanted Haylei absolutely eradicated from our tribe. And what do you know, we all just end up talking about this in the tribe chat, it's not like Haylei will ever log on to see it. It's nice in rounds like these where the vote is obvious, to step back and let others feel like they're in charge, gettem nice and comfortable *Pretty aggressive and Malicious Laughter*

[do-you-have-a-flag]

this is a thomas sanders post womp womp

because I follow some great people do i had to check tags to see what was going on but i keep seeing misinformation on my dash regardless and I don’t want to encourage the dogpiling response that this website is infamous for

if people take issue with a 28 year old marketing their humour and content towards teens then they must sure hate... every teen comedy actor pretending to be a teen.... every kids show host making shows for kids and pretending to be children for the sake of education...... adult voice actors who voice kids and teens in cartoons.... pretty much all adults who write teen fiction or children’s books????

like??? if you find someone annoying due to their entertainment persona then that’s fine, avoid them where possible

if you disagree with them on a specific point sure, go ahead, try and read tone though and look at who they associate with and amplify the voices of because this dude was directly confronted about a specific opinion and answered honnestly and he probably formed it because of the input from his various friends who he features in his videos as well as what he sees online and at no point did he tell anyone to agree with him? you can say “well he knows he has an audience” so sure, definitely, but no part of his opinion was an instructional guide

also the incident everyone took issue with was one of ignorance on his part and as soon as he was informed of what he did he got rid of the offending post and apologised with a request that people not do the thing (the thing being underaged fans drawing raunchy fanart, something a lot of teens do but that he felt uncomfortable with once he realised the age of the person since it was inappropriate and that’s why he asked that people not do that)

and the thing is that youtube fame and vine fame is such a recent thing and so different than traditional celebrity, there is no PR department or social media management, it’s just one dude and his friends?? nobody who gets popular by making the funnies online is gonna be to everyone’s tastes in comedy

like.... I find his humour kinda boring and falsely energised, his audience skews younger so it’s not really relate-able for me anymore which is weird because he’s not much older than me

so if you don’t like him.... blacklist his name tbh? hit the j key to skip posts on tumblr that slip through your filters?

know the difference between genuinely harmful content and people who annoy you

I find him annoying too but i can see a lot of positive messages in his content so who the fuck even cares, at the end of the day all that happened is 

1: a guy got popular online and accidentally reblogged raunchy fan content without knowing how old the fan was and once he was told about it he apologised, removed it, and discouraged younger fans from creating that sort of content in regards to him

2: a guy got popular online, kept his personal orientation private other than referring to himself as being a part of the lgbtq community and visibly supports his friends of various genders and sexualities, when directly confronted about his opinion on if asexuals are lgbt gave his opinion in as respectful a way as he could and failed to comply by the definitions that suited everybody because the way that the non cishet acronym is defined is already complicated and there’s a lot of controversy right now about the place of ace/aro people within that dependant on their romantic or sexual preferences and the behaviour of people in various groups and issues of oppression and attempting to apply labels in ways that are inappropriate and it’s a complicated issue is what i’m saying

3: a guy got popular online and his style was hyper optimism and #relateable content targeted at teens and uni students and people got annoyed at his persona and thought it was inappropriate for him to market himself like a teen when he’s in his late 20s and there’s something to be said about adults putting themselves in spaces aimed at teens but what he’s doing is closer to a comedy actor playing someone younger for skits and would you direct the same criticisms at SNL actors playing teens or adult actors in teen movies or series? Probably the fact that his content is online and he’s not a traditional celebrity and is way more likely to interact directly with fans is the issue, there is a genuine problem with men who achieve online fame using it to take advantage of people in their fanbase and we should be wary of that issue but that’s not what’s happening here

ultimately this is not a defence post, I don’t follow thomas sanders, I don’t find his work that funny, if he does turn out to be a scummy person then I’ll talk about him like he is one and warn others off and support the people who need it, but as far as i can tell he’s a fairly neutral to positive personality online and totally avoidable. As for the ace dis-curse.... yikes. yikes to people on all sides.