#commit tax fraud in your name?

[pokeybananas]

This is 100% not a front for human trafficking. Nope, definitely not.

[neverfeltthewinterquitesodead]

personally i would get a divorce if i hadnt had sex with my husband in decades (decadeS) and he neglected my adopted son when he was in a life threatening medical emergency and punched my daughter in the gut (for being anti war) and i didnt even get a catholic marriage because he's lutheran but maybe im just built different from my grandma

[suiana]

(yandere! prison warden x gn! inmate reader) (FYI idk how the law works ok so DON'T come after my ass) (im the type of lawyer that gets ur sentence increased instead of decreased fr💀💀)

"can i kiss you?"

"dude, i literally threatened to kill you."

"so?"

he stares at you with a raised eyebrow, pouting slightly as he leans against the bars of your prison cell. you choose to ignore him, instead opting to play with the plastic fork from your lunch tray.

damn it, you should've known better than to be caught. now you're stuck in this lame ass prison with this warden you don't even like.

curse that stupid lawyer who got your sentenced increased from fifty years to life imprisonment. dude sucked at his job and still got paid 💀

for some context, you were in prison for tax evasion, fraud, and multiple cyber crimes you shall not name. you got caught by accident and now you were here. sentenced to life imprisonment in jail. in a private cell.

you know, it isn't even half that bad as compared to some other crimes others have committed! so you haven't a slightest clue as to why you were placed in a private cell with no one to keep you company!

i mean, you did try befriending your warden but he turned out to be delusional and turned out to be one of the people you scammed. love-scammed, to be specific. which is why he might've been delusional...

"baby why'd you have to leave me? i was so sad..."

see? this is what you mean! he seriously didn't get the hint that he was scammed! even when you told him straight to his face that you never did actually love him!

god damn it. now you have to hear his yapping 24/7. you're starting to think that he might've been the one to report you. i mean, isn't it a little too convenient? he's a prison warden, you've got a private cell-

"hey! are you seriously not paying attention to me?!"

he hits the prison bars lightly to attract your attention. thankfully, it did. or else he might've thrown another tantrum. and you did not have the mental capacity to handle it. come on! if he did it would've been his third tantrum of the week! and it's only monday!

you cock your head at him, rolling your eyes as you acknowledge his presence. your annoying prison warden instantly lights up at the small gesture. oh well, at least he's in love with you to the point where even you acknowledging him makes him happy...

"babe! you've gotta stop ignoring me! it makes me sad..."

"i don't actually care."

"baby!"

damn it, maybe you should've just bribed the judge to let you have a death sentence instead.

[wonderjanga]

The IRS

Billy doesn’t pay taxes. Anything related to taxes, he doesn’t know about.

M’gann: “What’s an IRS?”

Kid Flash “They’re these guys who collect taxes.”

M’gann: “Really? I’ve never paid taxes before. Are they gonna come after me?” *sounds slightly concerned*

Kid Flash: “Maybe-”

Marvel: *comes out of the kitchen with cookies* “No, they’re not. M’gann, the IRS isn’t real.”

M’gann: “It isn’t?”

Marvel: “Yeah, it isn’t. Wally’s just pulling your leg.”

Kid Flash: “Uh… no, no I’m not… Marvel you do know IRS is real, right? It’s important to me that you know that.”

Marvel: “Well, they’ve never come for me and I haven’t paid a single tax in my life.”

Kid Flash: *sounds completely concerned* “That means you’re committing tax fraud.”

Later…

YJ and Marvel: *all huddled around Tim who’s hunched over a computer*

Marvel: “Why’s is everyone here?”

Robin!Tim: “What do you mean, Cap? This is a celebratory moment. We didn’t even know you could commit a crime, yet here we are.” *typing on computer*

Marvel: “Why’d you pull up C.C. Batson?”

Robin!Tim: “Cap, you’re not exactly hiding your face. Anyone could find out who you were if they just dug a little deeper than the surface.”

Artemis: “Your name is C.C.?” *tries to see the computer*

Robin!Tim: “Charles actually.”

Zatanna: “You look like a Charles.”

Marvel: “I do? Huh. Well, anyways, I’ve been legally pronounced dead so I shouldn’t have to pay them right?”

Robin!Tim: “Well, you’re alive now. That means that you technically faked your death and that also technically means that you’re committing tax fraud so…” *types on computer* “You should owe 5 billion to the IRS.”

Marvel: *sounds completely devastated* “WHAT?”

Aqualad: “How could he possibly have racked up that much?”

Robin!Tim: “Well, Cap’s been “dead” *does quotes with his hands* since 1958 so he put off 66 years of taxes. Plus, the price of a dollar went up as the years passed so yeah.”

Marvel: “Oh my gods…” *sounds like he’s about to have a mental breakdown*

Kid Flash: “Wow. You’re actually an egregious tax evader. 5 billion is insane.”

Even More Later…

Batman: *came to check on the kids*

Marvel: *in a corner, rocking back and forth, practically crying*

Batman: “What’s wrong with him?”

Robin!Tim: “He owes 5 billion to the IRS.”

Batman: “…What?”

Robin!Tim: “Yeah, I know, right?”

Batman and Robin!Tim: *watch as Conner comes by and puts a bunch of blankets on Marvel. They then see M’gann come in with some hot coco and hand it to Cap*

Batman: *sighs* “I’ll get the money.” *walks away*

Robin!Tim: “Hey, Cap! You can stop worrying now! Batman is gonna hook you up.

And that’s how, after much refusal from Billy and a lot of peer pressure from both the YJ and Mr. Batman, itty bitty Billy Batson ended up with 5 billion dollars. And since he didn’t want to be arrested for tax evasion, he was too scared to hand it over to the IRS. (It’s not like he knew how to pay them anyways) But hey, Billy now gets to treat himself, Mary, and Freddy. They now have a decent apartment, better clothes, and lots and lots of food money, and potentially toy money? Billy’s been eyeing these Bulletman and Bulletgirl action figures for his and Mary’s birthday coming up. He hopes Mary will like them, or at least the Bulletgirl figure, he knows she’s a big fan.

Also, I have no idea if the 5 billion dollar thing is right, I pulled that from somewhere and I honestly forgot where.

[dreadful-windandrain]

listened to the real will wood album three times yesterday. here are my thoughts:

am i being detaIIIIIIIIINED? am i under arrest?? (yes!)

"this is a song written by a dead guy" the implications..........

unsyncopate cotard's solution right this fucking second

the transition into dr sunshine lives is SO GOOD

was it when i left the cave and swore i'd. NEVER GO BACK!!!!!!!

how did he make white knuckle jerk hornier. what's with the moans. and why do i like it better than the original.

HEART BLUER THAN MY b-b-b-b-bbbbbaaaaa~a~LLLLLS!

the weird voices he uses in thermodynamic lawyer sure were a choice

fucking ADORE front street live. even better than the original and my favorite off of this album. literally just. the tempo changes. "if you're not on your worst behavior... get the fuck out!" "is this shit enough proof for you?" "give us all that fucking osmosis! oh, yeah!!" "sing it with me you fuckers!". he made a villian song sound even more evil. wtf and well done

i trusted you i trusted you i trusted you i trusted you i tru

the long ass intro for hand me my [x], i'm [y]! is fabulous. the anticipation!!!

the tempo is also faster here than the original which is awesome but overstimulating as hell when the second half of the bridge hits

take it away, creeps

here's a song *first chord of 2012*

by retracing myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ste-epppppppppp pssssssssss

the guitar riff that starts mr capgras makes my brain perk up like a bluetooth speaker being connected

FUCKING HURT EACH OTHER! COME ON!!!!

yet another banger intro! the latter half of this album does not miss!

can we drop this shit? i wanna see you at each other's throats, man, make some fucking noise. one two three oh YEAAAAAAAH

the transition here also. magical.

i definitely didn't almost cry at the end of fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva when the tempo slowed down and everyone was vocalizing

-ish is so fucking underrated oh my GOD you people don't talk about it enough

the people who sang "myself again" after "and i'm gonna be"...... read the room

the new harmonies on where do you get off, front street, and mr capgras give me life

overall i love it but i do believe that ww didn't sing the song with five names to spite me personally. he did sing it on in case i die but still. you don't know how much tax fraud i would commit to hear it live with a full band

[evilminji]

Actually? WOULD Earth be the ones to petition Oa?

They are interstellar Space Interpol. You don't usually call them on different parts of your OWN settlements or systems. You call them in when someone is breaking THE Laws. Not necessarily YOUR laws, though obviously by breaking THE laws they clearly ARE. But THE Big Laws(tm).

Like Geneva Convention for Space type laws.

You have discovered Planet or King X is committing WAR CRIMES. Call Oa. Tax fraud? That's an inter-personal planet side issue they can't help you with. Pointing Nukes at your nursery settlement and threatening to blow up the infants there unless you give them sex-slaves?

Knock-knock! Taste HARD Light Constructs!

But if so? Then how would the situation get so out of hand on Earth? With the G.I.W.? Simple. Tell me, Mr. President, what do you know of the current day to day life of villagers in rural Siberia?

That they exist? Could you even NAME their village, if I referenced specific individuals? Likely not. And no one would realistically expect you too.

There are countless planets out there! With Leaders busy with local industrial conferences and infrastructure bills. Farming regulations. Talks with that planet a few stars over. Very busy. What do THEY know of Earth? Why would they NEED too?

But! As we know, Ectoplasm is EVERYWHERE. Not just earth. And? Thin spots are not just an Earth-centric phenomenon. Other planets most CERTAINLY would have them too. And depending on the species? The culture? To quote the wise sage Bill Wurtz "you can make a religion out of this!"

After all, chosen few, returned from death... glowing and more powerful then before? Immortal? It's a pretty reasonable conclusion to come too. They are clearly Gods Touched. Some sacred task they must complete.

It would likely even shape the ghosts of the region themselves. After all, they TOO, would believe they were chosen for some Important Religious Task. Be it study or collecting rocks. To what end? Unknown. Who are they to question The Gods?

But! Oh happy day! The old tyrant is no more! A chosen Hero! They go to greet him! Honor him, as you do. Traditional gifts and ballads. Maybe some sacred rocks. A fancy hat. But? Oh? The Champion is wounded! Gasp! Still? But the fight with Pariah happened-

And then they are given Grave Warning(tm). Don't go to Earth. Heretics attacking people. KILLING souls! Trying to KILL the king of all the Infinite! He is somber because his living parents were hurt. Preventing the END OF ALL THINGS!!!??

WHAT!?

These "People In White" tried to EXPLODE the very FABRIC of all realities!? Several of them faint. Truely, these Fentons MUST be chosen by the Gods! Heros. Legends. Such bravery in the face of such HORRORS. Please, let them be brought to their Living counterparts! The hospitals are quite good!

And you know what? Fuck it. Danny will take that. Because his Mom n Dad got hurt. BAD.

They learned he was Phantom at probably the SINGLE worst time imaginable and still chose HIM. Chose THEM. The GIW were coming for him. Gonna hurt Jazz. And his parents told them, with fire and blood, it'd be a cold day in hell before they let them so much as TRY it.

They BLEW UP their own life's work. Went literally scorched earth. And now? They're not doing so good.

Because the Zone isn't made for the living. No food, no water, and no real human-safe medical supplies. They've run out. Danny will take what he can get. He'd even go to Vlad but... his Portal's gone too. And the Buzzards said he looked... spirally. Very... "suicide runs until everything BURNS".

So, yeah. No one's doing so great.

Alien planet it is.

They are greeted with fanfare and respect. The best medical teams on the PLANET. The King and his family is there, to welcome him. It's... it's beautiful. Hardly some perfect utopia, but the air is lite. Art everywhere. The stars vivid and so easy to see, at night.

The King kinda reminds him of Mr. Lancer to be honest. Balding and a bit round around the middle, stern but endlessly fair about it, wants people to do their best and succeed in life. Maybe that's why Danny finds himself opening up. Because... because here is a real, honest to God, KING king.

Somebody who was actually TRAINED to do all this King stuff.

Unlike Danny.

And Danny? He's scared. People expect him to Lead now. To know what he's doing. To somehow just... suddenly KNOW how to do all these things he's never even heard about. He only barely just died. Has BARELY been keeping everybody safe.

BARELY stopped Pariah.

He doesn't know what to do. But he pours his guts out. All the things that have bottled up. And King Not-Lancer listens. Somber and thoughtful. There is little, if anything he can TRUELY do to help. But... there ARE things he can do. Lessons on statescraft, while he's here, for one.

As for the other? Well, as King, he does have the local Lantern's Call Sign. Not to be used lightly, mind you. But what Danny describes? And from what the Sacred Ones have reported? THAT must be reported to Oa. He can show Danny how to do that.

(He does)

[The Lanterns of Earth get a VERY exciting call from Oa. Are every different shade of pissed. But? Whoops! Looks like they ACCIDENTALLY put the Watchtower into a complete Quarantine! Well, dang. Guess we're all stuck here for two weeks!

Reset it? *sound of smashing computer terminal* Yeah, don't think that's gonna work! :)

WHO WANTS TO PLAY 20 QUESTIONS?? We'll start! :) Who here has heard of an organization called, and I quote, The Ghost Investigation Ward? :) ]

@hdgnj @ailithnight @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

I 1000% believe that Legend and Ravio got married for tax benefits.

--

[Name]: Legend, it says here that you have been "activity committing marriage fraud for money." What exactly is "marriage fraud?"

Legend: At my job , if you're married, you get paid significantly more money. So, me and one of my buddies decided to just get married. And now I make a bunch of money and I buy him nice things sometimes and it all works out good for the both of us. At work I kinda have to tip toe around the fact that I'm not gay.

[Name]: Well, Legend, I have news for you. If you and your "buddy" are legally married there is no fraud being taken place. You don't have to be gay to be married to a man. You- I mean, you did it.

Legend: I love him, also. I love my husband a lot.

--

[husbants]

I don't think anything Phil said last night excludes the possibility that they also have a joint account? Yes, he joked that 90% of the gaming channel money goes into his, but that is far from their only source of income and even if they pay the mortgage out of Phil's account (for some reason instead of a joint), they could also have a joint for savings etc. Also like even if Phil's account doesn't have Dan's name on it, it seems clear his account pays for daily joint expenses like food (or Sims expansion packs lol) and Dan has all of his info, so at what point is that basically just a joint account ahahah.

(Also, tangent, but there has also been discussion of them filing jointly and... could they even do that since they're not married? I'm far from a tax expert and especially not familiar with the UK's taxes, but. Also, I'm positive they actually have an accountant to do any difficult stuff - they've mentioned about trying to do it by themselves in the beginning and then giving up and getting one in a Stereo show. People were joking about Dan committing tax fraud because Phil apparently does his taxes but like lol another person is allowed to do your taxes as long as there is permission.)

[ageingfangirl2]

Let Me Help You Idiot! Hajime Kokonoi (Tokyo Revengers)

You met Koko when you were younger, and he took you under his wing. As an inspiring designer, you loved to make him nice clothes. As you get older, you want to be more independent, but Koko will always look out for you. Kokonoi x Reader (Bonten Timeline)

From the moment you were born, you had to fight tooth and claw to survive. Your dad left when you were three, leaving you and your mum with nothing. Your mum went back to being a hostess, meaning you were left alone in the single-room apartment you had. She was good at her job, earning lots of money and expensive gifts from suitors. But she had addictions and spent the money on drugs. From a young age, you had to fend for yourself and learn to survive, from clothing and making meals to keeping the apartment clean and ensuring mum put enough money aside for bills. Luckily, the neighbours took pity on you and helped pay for your school things, and one lady taught you how to sew, saying it would help you in the future to have a skill to pay the bills. You kept up your sewing throughout school, getting better and managing to sell some of your wares at a local market on the weekend.

This is where you met Hajime Kokonoi, and you took pride when he complimented the intricate details you embellished your clothes with. He decided you were going to be his personal designer in the future, and he was going to help you make a name for yourself.

PRESENT DAY

Koko kept his promise to help you, using his money and connections to get you into a good design school. All he asked in retum was you make all his clothes custom and free of charge, and of course you said yes because it was the least you could do. By now, he was on executive in Bonten, a criminal organisation and he liked to look nice because he had an image to maintain.

After working for a couple of designers, you saved enough to open your own shop in Tokyo, and it felt nice to pay with your our money instead of Koko's. Bonten kept Koko busy, so you didn't like bothering him unless he called you. You had one big problem, you had no real clue about money and expenses of running a business. And now you had to pay taxes on top of that, which went over your head. You chose to focus on commissions to make more money and filled in all the forms to the best of your abilities. Little did you know it would come back to bite you in the ass.

KOKO

I was busy dealing with the financial mess Sanzu had left for me after his last mission.

'I'm surrounded by idiots,' I groan, rubbing my temples.

'Err boss, I have the reports you asked for,' some lacky who's name I didn't deem important to lean stutters, standing in the doorway of my office. Even though y/n had paid for their shop and was getting quite a few comissions, I liked to keep an eye on them. They were a year younger than me and had become like a younger sibling I felt protective over. When we met up, we didn't talk about money, and I knew if they had a problem, they would come to me for help. However, my eyes widened, seeing the financial report in front of me.

'What the hell?' I gasp.

How could they be so careless when it came to finance? Firstly, they were paying way too much rent for the area, and secondly, the government wasn't happy with their taxes, which they had underpaid. They were close to losing their shop and facing a big penalty from the government who thought they were committing fraud.

I grabbed my jacket and car keys, needing to see them before the problem got out of hand. I run out of my office, ignoring Sanzu, having bigger fish to fry.

The light was still on in the shop when I pulled up outside. They liked to work late if they had a deadline. I enter the shop and the bell pings. I lock the door behind me and turn the open sign to closed.

'Hi, how can I help you - Koko, what are you doing here?' y/n stares at me, tilting their head to the side in confusion.

I walk over to the counter and put the file down in front of them, 'if you didn't understand, why didn't you ask me to explain?'

They open it, and the colour drains from their face, 'am I in big trouble? I thought I'd look dumb if I had to keep asking you to help me!'

I sigh loudly, 'yeah, well, you look pretty dumb right now, so that didn't work out for you.'

They look down at their feet and shuffle nervously, 'the last time we had coffee, you were stressed dealing with your colleagues' finances. I didn't want to give you any more stress, so I did what the internet told me to do filling out the forms. I'm sorry Koko. What do I do now?'

I walk and the counter and pull them into my arms. I didn't like to show emotion in front of the other executives, but y/n was the exception. I needed to protect them.

I kiss the top of their head, 'in the future don't take any extra comissions after you've submitted your taxes for the financial year until the new one starts or the govenment will think you're committing fraud. I'll get this sorted for you, and remember you can come to me whenever you need help.'

They squeeze me tightly, 'I'll never be able to pay you back, Koko. Sorry for being an idiot.'

I snort, you're the only idiot I can stand.'

Not wanting them to stress anymore, I'd also handle the rent problem for them, no one messed with the people close to me.

[radioisntdead]

Hazbin characters + readers from my fics as things the people I know and I have said pt.2

Niffty: The bugs, [Name] the bugs they want my blood

Hanahaki reader: Dude, I am literally dying rn

Niffty: the bugs want your blood too, no one is spared.

......

Angel dust, allegedly taking off his sunglasses: Hello sluts!

.....

Charlie: I will personally get a job and pay for your therapy

.....

Alastor holding cursed cat Alastor: he looks at me like a disgruntled orphan.

....

Child reader: what do your sobs sound like?

Alastor: You don't need to know.

....

Unspecified reader: Alastor! Stop drinking out of the toilet!

Cursed cat Alastor: -disgruntled noises-

.....

Alastor to cursed cat Alastor after he ate his [Alastor's] breakfast: Fat boy, you are a little fat boy, fat boy

....

Cherri bomb: Chihuahua on cocaine

....

Charlie: I'm reading a book right now and I'm not giving any spoilers but I think my favorite character just died

Charlie five minutes later: He's ALIVEEE!

....

Eldritch horror reader, about Valentino: We should burn him indefinitely

...

Alastor: I've gone too deep into radio vibes

...

Sir Pentious: People try to scam me a lot

...

Alastor after learning what Ace in the hole meant: I am asexual.

...

Sir Pentious: DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY I DID NOT COMMIT TAX FRAUD

....

Vox: At times I wonder what people think of me

Velvette: Personally I see you like one of those funky digital 2000's core fish screen mixed with computer vibes things if that makes sense

Vox:....

Vox: thank you.

.....

[originalcharactersexyman]

Hiya! Howdy! Id love to toss my goofy silly mailman tf2 oc in the ring if there were slots left! His names Brodie :> Heres his toyhouse

Meet YOUR 10th Class Merc. The Courier. His name is Brodie 

From New York! Go Yankees!

Around 32-34

6"1

Lets take alook into the past: For a lot of his life he has committed ,,, so much fraud. So much. All of it. Mail fraud tax fraud voter fraud healthcare fraud identity fraud. Even credit card fraud when credit cards came out in 1966.  Frauding it up ever since he was a kid delivering newspapers and snooping in neighbor's mail. 

Eventually his fraudulent lifestyle catches up to him and lands him in prison when he suddenly became the inheritor of a minuscule fraction of Australium. And a certain group of individuals did not take too kindly to some rando getting his hands on the  insanely precious resource.  In order for the Australium to be ‘misplaced’, Brodie had to die. And die he did. Not long after being incarcerated, he was hanged for his many, many crimes. A bit of overkill, really, but it was apparently the only way. Plus a lot of the guards and inmates kept finding themselves in varying degrees of debt so two birds one stone. Miss Pauling herself attends the hanging to make sure Brodie does die and sure enough he is pronounced dead. As dead as it gets. 

Well. Mostly.

As his soul prepares for judgment in hell,  Brodie decides “I am absolutely not ready to be dead yet.” Soo he convinces Satan “hey you guys got the wrong guy. I’m blah blah blah, here’s my ID and credentials n whatnot. Here’s who you’re actually looking for” (a lie obviously) but Satan’s like “Oh shit. Um wow- this, like, never happens. Lemme…fix that real quick.” (This is intentionally left vague and about how much hell tell ya about it with changing details each time)

Back in his body, Brodie sits up, completely nakey, save for the body blanket, and startles Miss Pauling who instinctively has a gun to his face. Quickly thinking, Brodie strikes a deal; “Hey hey! Don't Shoot. Uh, listen.  Technically, I was pronounced dead.  Obviously you can keep whatever I was supposed to inherit, I won't even give it another thought but just lemme go - please?”  Sure enough, Miss P agrees, except now Brodie has to…start over again.  Which isn’t a big *deal*, but it’ll take him a minute to get back on his feet since his last identity is supposed to be cold turkey. 

Though, this gives Miss P an idea.  “Hey, do you want a job?”

So he’s back, babyyy. Brodie is a new man (who legally doesn't exist) and is recruited by Mann Co to be the teams smuggler mailman and a merc when violence is needed!!  Someones gotta deliver the mercs all their niche needs and all that, ya know? Someone who ain't afraid to get their hands dirty or have fingerprints or the same teeth they did before or leave any paper trail!  Someone who isn't afraid to break into the next city over's local zoo and get some baboon uteri and hearts for medic, or do a 24 hr trip to Australia for Saxton hale pain tonic for sniper (so they avoid import fees), wine for spy, copious amounts of Tom Jones merch for scout, crates upon very weighty crates of ammo for Heavy, etc etc. Even just snacks from each mercs country (that Courier def sneaks bites from but dont tell anyone shhhh). Or just the pizza the mercs ordered in town.

Need something delivered? Brodie is your Courier! (He has to as his contract states, lest he break it and is 'super killed'.  No its not explained what that means but Brodie don't intend to find out.)

--

He's a bit of a goofy guy.  Quick witted when it comes to fraud but would ask Alexa what 4 x 12 is. His undying passion is committing petty crimes and scams and changing people's legal last names to something like "Scrotum". He's very *very* nosy and will read the merc's mail before he even gets it to them. He's got gossip to share. He loves snacks and has an awful diet consisting of gas station foods. Caffeinated soda and donuts are go-to's, especially on the road. His fav mode of transportation is on his motorcycle.

WOOF thats a long one lol Thank you sm for ur consideration !

WELCOME ABOARD!

Seats Taken: 22/24 (TWO LEFT)

[aestariiwilderness]

Vernestra & Padawan | Acolyte (Spoilers)

Okay apropos of nothing but I think Qimir/The Stranger's (wow, really, ominous name dude. not edgelord at all) backstory is most easily and hilariously explained by his being Vernestra's Padawan. I am about 98.9% certain Edgelord here just got really, really tired of being elaborately framed for the sake of the Jedi Order. :D I mean, this does seem to be Vernestra's go-to/only move. For example: Tuesday. Someone stole a cookie. It reflects badly on the Jedi Order. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways to the nearest scruffy-looking padawan. "Qimir..." Wednesday. A senator tripped on his own cloak. This reflects badly on the Jedi Order. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways. Qimir, who is still out of breath from being hunted down by Jedi hounds last night and only narrowly proved his innocence by not owning any cloaks at all, does not move away fast enough. "Qimir..." Saturday. There has been a minor case of tax fraud (it was Vernestra). This reflects badly on the Jedi Order and will eventually lead to the downfall of civilization (and also she will have to pay a fine). Vernestra's eyes slide sideways. Qimir also moves sideways, but not fast enough. "Qimir..." Monday. Qimir has taken an extended leave of absence in the medical bay after being grazed by the firing squad that a young Plo Koon managed to avert at the very last second by proving his innocence ("wait! Qimir is a dependent and does not pay taxes yet! He cannot have committed this fraud! It is... *clears throat, does not look at Vernestra holding the blaster* a mystery who has done so! May we direct your investigation to the nearest available Jedi corpse for leads? Thank you"). A Jedi has "accidentally" wiped out a family and kidnapped their force-sensitive child for the temple, for the sixth time this quarter. This could reflect badly on the Jedi Order. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways over the corpse of the Jedi Knight responsible -- and the child, whoops -- and over to the medbay window where she knows her padawan is in a mini-coma. "Qimir..." Sunday. A Jedi Knight is having a dalliance with a Night Sister (again) and was stupid enough to get photographed from behind at her apartment. If you disregard the blue skin and gills just visible at his wrists, it otherwise COULD be Qimir. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways. "Qimir..." Day: ?? Qimir is being hunted down by Jedi Shadows, for reasons he isn't clear on anymore. It is the fourth time this week; they interrupted him during meditation. His master has just messaged him to ask if he would mind being "temporarily" excommunicated and court-martialed by the Senate, "for the good of the Order". She does not specify why or what his extraction plan would be, only that it "probably won't hurt (for long)". Day 1 as a Sith: Qimir takes a long, long nap in a cave far, far away from people. It's the best night's rest he's had since the creche. He leaves Vernestra's pings tearfully demanding why he could have done such a thing to her on "read". Day 264 as a Sith: Annnnnnnd she's back. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways over Master Sol's corpse. Qimir has, per usual, done absolutely nothing here besides stand around and look pretty, but he's wise to her tells now and slides sideways faster. Now, if he can only get Osha out of here...

[valarioncy]

Hello cy, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I sure hope you’re doing ok and work isn’t kicking your butt. My plushie was supposed to arrive today but he arrived a month earlier and now that it’s Halloween, you can have one too :]

(Throws it at you)

his name is the broker, keep an eye on him cause he will rob a bank and commit tax fraud. He will also try to steal your money any chance he gets so keep a safe distance between him and your wallet.

Good luck out there! Byeeeee :D

Hiiii thanks for the wishes! :0 Work is a pain but next week I get an extra day off eyyy!

This goofy edit was a nightmare and a half, but it's never been uploaded before simply because of how poor the quality of the video is. And now that It's been compressed and recompressed just trying to convert the file type to one that I can post, it's even worse. But still funny/amusing, I hope.

[hwauroras]

— HONGJOONG AS YOUR BOYFRIEND !

pic sources in order left -> right: pinterest, pinterest, pinterest

disclaimers in my pinned post. part one of eight, masterpost here. contains pet names right at the top. as this is purely a sfw headcanon, there's no warning for anything explicit. and though this is an "as your boyfriend", it's not a y/n situation. mentions painting each other's nails, but i have offered the alternative of it being just him if that's not your thing. also mentions sitting on his lap to do his eyeliner. slight mentions of physical affection.

baby, sweetheart, darling

joong, joongie

museum dates

casual dining

chilling in his studio, painting each other's nails at 2am (if you're not into that, then he would just let you paint his)

sitting on his lap and doing his eyeliner

listening to music together

either jamming out or sharing earphones

gifts of sentimental value

might be the type to buy you a star in the sky

writing and exchanging love letters

songs dedicated to you and his thoughts and feelings with love

a long list of notes with your favorite things + things you have said

looking at you with stars in his eyes

holding and brushing of pinkies

no matter how busy he may be, he wouldn't miss an important date or event

good morning texts !!!!!!!!!!!

overall, not overly physically affectionate, but his subtle actions are still just as meaningful

a protective hand on the small of your back

would look after you if you're sick

nose, cheek, forehead and temple kisses

kisses on the back of your hand

cupping your face in his hands

would walk on the side closer to the road

making you custom clothes/jewelry

or buying two of everything so you can both match

his phone lockscreen would probably be a picture of just you, or a picture of both of you, that he adores

very annoying (endearing) when in a playful mood

overdramatic king

jokingly calling his mom to tattle and sulk (just like what he did with wooyo)

very supportive !!!! of everything !!! including tax fraud !!!!!

IM KIDDING DON'T DO THAT DON'T TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY DO NOT COMMIT TAX FRAUD

but seriously, would support your dreams

if you're creative, he would let you collaborate with him

respectful of needs and CAN COMMUNICATE !!!!!!!!

[the-ghost-bracket]

VikingPilot propaganda:

"Unreliable narrator of all time, this FUCKED UP MESS OF A GHOST has sooooo much nonsense going on and going WRONG with him. This mans starts off as a tragic character whos unable to interact with ANYONE, but once he becomes semi-corporeal and is finally able to speak to others, this results in a LOT of problems for everyone else.

To simply name a few, he phases through things and jump-scares people any chance he gets, he went to unreasonable extremes in order to acquire an I.O.U. from a very powerful person (Legundo) that ultimately accidentally results in a mini apocalypse, he gets an I.O.U. from someone else (Fixxit) and just orders him to stop Legundo at all costs?, hes ALMOST canonically plural/two people, this bitch has a fucking insane underground vault (with like twelve full sets of netherite, a dimond and netherite throne, and its just spooky as hell), He probably has the best scary laugh i’ve ever heard, and hes ALWAYS up to mischief.

Oh also he tries to do some Dark Magic but isn’t capable of going through with it due to Legundo not properly following through with his I.O.U., and he decides to remind Legundo of this in the MOST mentally well adjusted way possible ( https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxbcBe_A7YYtt2K33_Rm4V71SG0sqdnEY_ ).

Anyways thats most of the major nonsense I can think of for right now so uhhh! Enjoy the VikingPilot propaganda and please remember you are NEVER immune to Bell Noises!"

"Lovely unreliable narrator who loves jumpscaring his friends."

"quote from the ghosty boy himself. ""what do the interest rates look like on your word?"""

"he's a ghost. he has no memories. his soul got torn asunder by an evil magic book. he's trying to do a ritual from the evil magic book that split him in half so that he can get his memories back. he's a sneaky bastard who's double crossing everyone else on the server. he makes a lot of really terrible jokes. he (canonically!) says trans rights. vikingpilot you agree reblog."

"split color scheme. unreliable narrator. plural swag. committed tax fraud."

"Viking is a ghost haunting the world of Dominion SMP! For a long time, he was merely an observer— no one could see him, no one could hear him, he couldn’t interact with anything; no one knew he even existed. That was, I until the members of Dominion killed the Ender Dragon. This changed… something… in the world, and caused him to be visible, audible, and (mostly) tangible.

From there, he made a haunted graveyard, spooked people by sneaking up on them and shouting ‘Bell noises!!’, had a totally normal and not at all unhinged response to (one) asking for a favor, and (two) following up on that favor when it had not yet been kept, and he built a creepy mansion! He also plays piano!

He’s not sure how or when he died, but he feels certain that he was someone important. At some point in the time he was a ghost, he somehow got his hands on a book, which contains different rituals, and apparently, the contents of this book broke his mind, somewhat splitting it in two, and possibly being the source of his amnesia. Notably, the book contains a ritual that would allow him to regain his memories, and this has been his main objective for most of the series."

"ghost of ALL TIME. haunted his friends for months before they suddenly became able to see him. walks through walls. has world's most evil nervous laugh. knows exactly where his hinges are buried. unreliable narrator. has an underground vault full of diamonds and expensive armor, including a throne made of netherite. causes shenanigans on purpose. lived in an underground graveyard and then a haunted mansion. monologued for 11 minutes about wanting to do dark magic in order to necromancy himself and cure his amnesia. very pluralcoded. won round 1 of a sexyman bracket despite being a niche character. the most guy/ghost of all time forever"

"i haven’t actually watched dominion,,, but like. i keep seeing this funky little unreliable narrator ghost man on my dash sometimes. so fuck yeah."

"He’s just a silly little ghost guy!"

[derpy-tax-evader]

TELL US YOUR CHARACTERS PLSSSAKLSLALZLD. PLS

:O YESSSSSSSS ok so this'll be a long one. and not very in depth :P (Thats for another time)

Right now in the story goober is 12

This is goober, you know him, you love him :D

Goober was born on Dec 8th, 2018 (in universe) but was created on Dec 8th, 2023

Fun facts about him!

there are about 3 branches of goobers, (Sadistic 'God', Cat(?), and human

Goobers' Full legal name is Gwyn Geovonni Lafond but goes by goober for funsies (and def not for anything else...)

Goober has a twin sister! (Skrunkle)

Goober has an older brother! (Silly)

There are 24 alternate timelines of Goober (another post)

he does not have parents anymore

Goober has a soulmate! every universe, every timeline, platonic or romantic, doesn't matter. they will always be together

He does NOT like clowns

He loves plants and has a greenhouse! (He makes arrangements for weddings)

He is 6"0 (no i will not change this, it is too funny)

This is Silly!

He is Goobers' older brother and the shortest, I didn't make him but my friend did, he was originally missing but I saw a chance soooooo here we are :D

Fun facts :D

He has a girlfriend, her name is Angel

He really wants to connect with goober, but can't find a way to

he ran away

He truly wants to protect his family (the ones that matter anyway)

he had a meteor crash through his body and survived (it was sent by a relative -My friend)

He has a college degree in psychology

Taught goober how to commit massive tax fraud

Thats all i got for yall! (Imma make a masterpost soon :D)