#commit tax fraud in your name?

[pokeybananas]

This is 100% not a front for human trafficking. Nope, definitely not.

[neverfeltthewinterquitesodead]

personally i would get a divorce if i hadnt had sex with my husband in decades (decadeS) and he neglected my adopted son when he was in a life threatening medical emergency and punched my daughter in the gut (for being anti war) and i didnt even get a catholic marriage because he's lutheran but maybe im just built different from my grandma

[luna-azzurra]

Writing Advice #3

Try roasting your setting like you’re ranting to your group chat after a bad road trip. Seriously, don’t just tell me it’s a “quaint village.” Is it the kind of place where time forgot it existed? Does it have, like, three shops that all close at 2pm for mysterious reasons and a town square statue of some guy named “Jedediah” who absolutely committed tax fraud?

The more lovingly hateful you are, the clearer the place gets. Because when we roast things, we get weirdly specific. That specificity is PURE gold. “Dusty” is whatever. “A town where the post office smells like expired glue” is a vibe. It tells me everything I need to know and makes me want to keep reading just to see how much worse it gets.

Bonus points if your narrator is also sick of being there. Angry characters describe places way better than calm ones, it’s just science.

[wonderjanga]

The IRS

Billy doesn’t pay taxes. Anything related to taxes, he doesn’t know about.

M’gann: “What’s an IRS?”

Kid Flash “They’re these guys who collect taxes.”

M’gann: “Really? I’ve never paid taxes before. Are they gonna come after me?” *sounds slightly concerned*

Kid Flash: “Maybe-”

Marvel: *comes out of the kitchen with cookies* “No, they’re not. M’gann, the IRS isn’t real.”

M’gann: “It isn’t?”

Marvel: “Yeah, it isn’t. Wally’s just pulling your leg.”

Kid Flash: “Uh… no, no I’m not… Marvel you do know IRS is real, right? It’s important to me that you know that.”

Marvel: “Well, they’ve never come for me and I haven’t paid a single tax in my life.”

Kid Flash: *sounds completely concerned* “That means you’re committing tax fraud.”

Later…

YJ and Marvel: *all huddled around Tim who’s hunched over a computer*

Marvel: “Why’s is everyone here?”

Robin!Tim: “What do you mean, Cap? This is a celebratory moment. We didn’t even know you could commit a crime, yet here we are.” *typing on computer*

Marvel: “Why’d you pull up C.C. Batson?”

Robin!Tim: “Cap, you’re not exactly hiding your face. Anyone could find out who you were if they just dug a little deeper than the surface.”

Artemis: “Your name is C.C.?” *tries to see the computer*

Robin!Tim: “Charles actually.”

Zatanna: “You look like a Charles.”

Marvel: “I do? Huh. Well, anyways, I’ve been legally pronounced dead so I shouldn’t have to pay them right?”

Robin!Tim: “Well, you’re alive now. That means that you technically faked your death and that also technically means that you’re committing tax fraud so…” *types on computer* “You should owe 5 billion to the IRS.”

Marvel: *sounds completely devastated* “WHAT?”

Aqualad: “How could he possibly have racked up that much?”

Robin!Tim: “Well, Cap’s been “dead” *does quotes with his hands* since 1958 so he put off 66 years of taxes. Plus, the price of a dollar went up as the years passed so yeah.”

Marvel: “Oh my gods…” *sounds like he’s about to have a mental breakdown*

Kid Flash: “Wow. You’re actually an egregious tax evader. 5 billion is insane.”

Even More Later…

Batman: *came to check on the kids*

Marvel: *in a corner, rocking back and forth, practically crying*

Batman: “What’s wrong with him?”

Robin!Tim: “He owes 5 billion to the IRS.”

Batman: “…What?”

Robin!Tim: “Yeah, I know, right?”

Batman and Robin!Tim: *watch as Conner comes by and puts a bunch of blankets on Marvel. They then see M’gann come in with some hot coco and hand it to Cap*

Batman: *sighs* “I’ll get the money.” *walks away*

Robin!Tim: “Hey, Cap! You can stop worrying now! Batman is gonna hook you up.

And that’s how, after much refusal from Billy and a lot of peer pressure from both the YJ and Mr. Batman, itty bitty Billy Batson ended up with 5 billion dollars. And since he didn’t want to be arrested for tax evasion, he was too scared to hand it over to the IRS. (It’s not like he knew how to pay them anyways) But hey, Billy now gets to treat himself, Mary, and Freddy. They now have a decent apartment, better clothes, and lots and lots of food money, and potentially toy money? Billy’s been eyeing these Bulletman and Bulletgirl action figures for his and Mary’s birthday coming up. He hopes Mary will like them, or at least the Bulletgirl figure, he knows she’s a big fan.

Also, I have no idea if the 5 billion dollar thing is right, I pulled that from somewhere and I honestly forgot where.

[suiana]

(yandere! prison warden x gn! inmate reader) (FYI idk how the law works ok so DON'T come after my ass) (im the type of lawyer that gets ur sentence increased instead of decreased fr💀💀)

"can i kiss you?"

"dude, i literally threatened to kill you."

"so?"

he stares at you with a raised eyebrow, pouting slightly as he leans against the bars of your prison cell. you choose to ignore him, instead opting to play with the plastic fork from your lunch tray.

damn it, you should've known better than to be caught. now you're stuck in this lame ass prison with this warden you don't even like.

curse that stupid lawyer who got your sentenced increased from fifty years to life imprisonment. dude sucked at his job and still got paid 💀

for some context, you were in prison for tax evasion, fraud, and multiple cyber crimes you shall not name. you got caught by accident and now you were here. sentenced to life imprisonment in jail. in a private cell.

you know, it isn't even half that bad as compared to some other crimes others have committed! so you haven't a slightest clue as to why you were placed in a private cell with no one to keep you company!

i mean, you did try befriending your warden but he turned out to be delusional and turned out to be one of the people you scammed. love-scammed, to be specific. which is why he might've been delusional...

"baby why'd you have to leave me? i was so sad..."

see? this is what you mean! he seriously didn't get the hint that he was scammed! even when you told him straight to his face that you never did actually love him!

god damn it. now you have to hear his yapping 24/7. you're starting to think that he might've been the one to report you. i mean, isn't it a little too convenient? he's a prison warden, you've got a private cell-

"hey! are you seriously not paying attention to me?!"

he hits the prison bars lightly to attract your attention. thankfully, it did. or else he might've thrown another tantrum. and you did not have the mental capacity to handle it. come on! if he did it would've been his third tantrum of the week! and it's only monday!

you cock your head at him, rolling your eyes as you acknowledge his presence. your annoying prison warden instantly lights up at the small gesture. oh well, at least he's in love with you to the point where even you acknowledging him makes him happy...

"babe! you've gotta stop ignoring me! it makes me sad..."

"i don't actually care."

"baby!"

damn it, maybe you should've just bribed the judge to let you have a death sentence instead.

[tobiosbbyghorl]

Buy 1 Take me | psh

café for7you followers event

Order for @anon⋆˚✿˖°

One Romance Cream — “Friends to lovers with a shared coffee loyalty card.” Coming right up!

Brewed over buy-one-take-one coffee dates and a slice of cake too sweet to resist. Blended with a bubbly regular and her fake boyfriend—who just happens to know her drink order by heart. Flavored with under-the-table handholding, red velvet negotiations, and one surprise kiss between sips.

It all started with a promo flyer slapped on the campus café window.

“Buy 1 Take 1 Coffee + A Free Slice of Cake for Couples!”

You had paused, iced Americano in hand, eyes glued to the words like it was a divine message from the coffee gods.

Cake.

Coffee.

Free.

For couples.

Your wallet cried. Your sweet tooth screamed. Your brain only had one name on speed dial.

You stormed into your shared lecture hall, beelined for Sunghoon’s seat, and slammed your coffee down in front of him.

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

He blinked, not even flinching. “Hi.”

“There’s a promo,” you rushed, dropping the flyer in front of him. “Buy one coffee, get one free. Plus a slice of cake. Every time. But only for couples. I need you. You like cake.”

His brows pinched like he was trying not to laugh. “You’re asking me to commit tax fraud over chiffon sponge.”

“Yes.”

“…What flavor cake?”

You gasped. “You’re considering it?!”

“If I get red velvet, maybe.”

You clutched his sleeve. “I’ll give you my whole soul if you do this for me.”

He sighed, picking up his bag. “Fine. But if I gain five pounds from this, you’re buying me new pants.”

—

Sunghoon quickly became your “boyfriend�� in all the important ways—linked arms at the counter, low mutters of “babe, which one do you want,” and sharing cake forks like it was nothing.

The first time, it was casual.

The third time, he started cutting the cake in half so you always got the cherry.

By the sixth visit, the baristas just called you “the couple with matching drink orders and shared forks.”

You weren’t dating, technically. But you weren’t not dating either.

Especially not with the way Sunghoon would pull your chair in, tug your tray closer, and silently take your hand under the table during your coffee runs.

“Why do you do that?” you asked once, squeezing his fingers back as your shoes brushed under the table.

He shrugged. “You talk a lot. Keeps you from flailing.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You just like holding my hand.”

“Maybe.”

He said it like a joke, but the tips of his ears were pink.

And you… you were starting to fall. Hard.

It hit you fully when you found yourself buying strawberry cake one day just because it was his favorite—even though you didn’t even like it.

“This is the worst day of my life,” you gagged, chewing slowly. “This tastes like toothpaste.”

Sunghoon just smiled and finished the rest for you.

—

It happened on your eighth cake run. You’d barely gotten your order out before bouncing on your toes and rambling about a new drama you were obsessed with, waving your hands and mimicking entire scenes.

“And then he like—grabs her, right? And he’s like, ‘You drive me crazy!’ But she’s crying and—oh my God, you would hate it. You hate angst. But I love angst. Do you think I’d survive a love triangle? I think I would. I’d pick you anyway—”

“Y/N.”

You stopped mid-rant, cheeks puffed out from your last bite of carrot cake.

Sunghoon stared at you across the table, coffee untouched.

His thumb brushed over the back of your hand, still held beneath the table.

“Can you stop for like, two seconds?”

“…Why?”

“So I can kiss you.”

You froze. Blinked.

Then promptly short-circuited. “Wait, are we still pretending?”

He didn’t answer.

Just leaned forward, and kissed you like he had been waiting through eight slices of cake and a hundred coffee orders to do it.

You were too stunned to speak after, which he clearly found amusing.

“Finally,” he teased. “Some peace and quiet.”

You shoved his shoulder. “You like my yapping.”

“I like you, period.”

You smiled, eyes wide with disbelief. “Is this still for the promo?”

“No,” he said, lacing your fingers together beneath the table. “But I still want the cake.”

You giggled, tucking your head into his shoulder.

And from then on, the coffee runs came with a new kind of sweetness—one you didn’t need a promo for.

©️tobiosbbyghorl - all rights reserved

permanent taglist: @ijustwannareadstuff20 @hoonielvv @rjssierjrie @firstclassjaylee @morganaawriterr @rikifever @daisyintherainsposts @kkamismom12 @pocketzlocket @semi-wife

[ordering-milk-at-a-bar]

I 1000% believe that Legend and Ravio got married for tax benefits.

--

[Name]: Legend, it says here that you have been "activity committing marriage fraud for money." What exactly is "marriage fraud?"

Legend: At my job , if you're married, you get paid significantly more money. So, me and one of my buddies decided to just get married. And now I make a bunch of money and I buy him nice things sometimes and it all works out good for the both of us. At work I kinda have to tip toe around the fact that I'm not gay.

[Name]: Well, Legend, I have news for you. If you and your "buddy" are legally married there is no fraud being taken place. You don't have to be gay to be married to a man. You- I mean, you did it.

Legend: I love him, also. I love my husband a lot.

--

[dreadful-windandrain]

listened to the real will wood album three times yesterday. here are my thoughts:

am i being detaIIIIIIIIINED? am i under arrest?? (yes!)

"this is a song written by a dead guy" the implications..........

unsyncopate cotard's solution right this fucking second

the transition into dr sunshine lives is SO GOOD

was it when i left the cave and swore i'd. NEVER GO BACK!!!!!!!

how did he make white knuckle jerk hornier. what's with the moans. and why do i like it better than the original.

HEART BLUER THAN MY b-b-b-b-bbbbbaaaaa~a~LLLLLS!

the weird voices he uses in thermodynamic lawyer sure were a choice

fucking ADORE front street live. even better than the original and my favorite off of this album. literally just. the tempo changes. "if you're not on your worst behavior... get the fuck out!" "is this shit enough proof for you?" "give us all that fucking osmosis! oh, yeah!!" "sing it with me you fuckers!". he made a villian song sound even more evil. wtf and well done

i trusted you i trusted you i trusted you i trusted you i tru

the long ass intro for hand me my [x], i'm [y]! is fabulous. the anticipation!!!

the tempo is also faster here than the original which is awesome but overstimulating as hell when the second half of the bridge hits

take it away, creeps

here's a song *first chord of 2012*

by retracing myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ste-epppppppppp pssssssssss

the guitar riff that starts mr capgras makes my brain perk up like a bluetooth speaker being connected

FUCKING HURT EACH OTHER! COME ON!!!!

yet another banger intro! the latter half of this album does not miss!

can we drop this shit? i wanna see you at each other's throats, man, make some fucking noise. one two three oh YEAAAAAAAH

the transition here also. magical.

i definitely didn't almost cry at the end of fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva when the tempo slowed down and everyone was vocalizing

-ish is so fucking underrated oh my GOD you people don't talk about it enough

the people who sang "myself again" after "and i'm gonna be"...... read the room

the new harmonies on where do you get off, front street, and mr capgras give me life

overall i love it but i do believe that ww didn't sing the song with five names to spite me personally. he did sing it on in case i die but still. you don't know how much tax fraud i would commit to hear it live with a full band

[evilminji]

Actually? WOULD Earth be the ones to petition Oa?

They are interstellar Space Interpol. You don't usually call them on different parts of your OWN settlements or systems. You call them in when someone is breaking THE Laws. Not necessarily YOUR laws, though obviously by breaking THE laws they clearly ARE. But THE Big Laws(tm).

Like Geneva Convention for Space type laws.

You have discovered Planet or King X is committing WAR CRIMES. Call Oa. Tax fraud? That's an inter-personal planet side issue they can't help you with. Pointing Nukes at your nursery settlement and threatening to blow up the infants there unless you give them sex-slaves?

Knock-knock! Taste HARD Light Constructs!

But if so? Then how would the situation get so out of hand on Earth? With the G.I.W.? Simple. Tell me, Mr. President, what do you know of the current day to day life of villagers in rural Siberia?

That they exist? Could you even NAME their village, if I referenced specific individuals? Likely not. And no one would realistically expect you too.

There are countless planets out there! With Leaders busy with local industrial conferences and infrastructure bills. Farming regulations. Talks with that planet a few stars over. Very busy. What do THEY know of Earth? Why would they NEED too?

But! As we know, Ectoplasm is EVERYWHERE. Not just earth. And? Thin spots are not just an Earth-centric phenomenon. Other planets most CERTAINLY would have them too. And depending on the species? The culture? To quote the wise sage Bill Wurtz "you can make a religion out of this!"

After all, chosen few, returned from death... glowing and more powerful then before? Immortal? It's a pretty reasonable conclusion to come too. They are clearly Gods Touched. Some sacred task they must complete.

It would likely even shape the ghosts of the region themselves. After all, they TOO, would believe they were chosen for some Important Religious Task. Be it study or collecting rocks. To what end? Unknown. Who are they to question The Gods?

But! Oh happy day! The old tyrant is no more! A chosen Hero! They go to greet him! Honor him, as you do. Traditional gifts and ballads. Maybe some sacred rocks. A fancy hat. But? Oh? The Champion is wounded! Gasp! Still? But the fight with Pariah happened-

And then they are given Grave Warning(tm). Don't go to Earth. Heretics attacking people. KILLING souls! Trying to KILL the king of all the Infinite! He is somber because his living parents were hurt. Preventing the END OF ALL THINGS!!!??

WHAT!?

These "People In White" tried to EXPLODE the very FABRIC of all realities!? Several of them faint. Truely, these Fentons MUST be chosen by the Gods! Heros. Legends. Such bravery in the face of such HORRORS. Please, let them be brought to their Living counterparts! The hospitals are quite good!

And you know what? Fuck it. Danny will take that. Because his Mom n Dad got hurt. BAD.

They learned he was Phantom at probably the SINGLE worst time imaginable and still chose HIM. Chose THEM. The GIW were coming for him. Gonna hurt Jazz. And his parents told them, with fire and blood, it'd be a cold day in hell before they let them so much as TRY it.

They BLEW UP their own life's work. Went literally scorched earth. And now? They're not doing so good.

Because the Zone isn't made for the living. No food, no water, and no real human-safe medical supplies. They've run out. Danny will take what he can get. He'd even go to Vlad but... his Portal's gone too. And the Buzzards said he looked... spirally. Very... "suicide runs until everything BURNS".

So, yeah. No one's doing so great.

Alien planet it is.

They are greeted with fanfare and respect. The best medical teams on the PLANET. The King and his family is there, to welcome him. It's... it's beautiful. Hardly some perfect utopia, but the air is lite. Art everywhere. The stars vivid and so easy to see, at night.

The King kinda reminds him of Mr. Lancer to be honest. Balding and a bit round around the middle, stern but endlessly fair about it, wants people to do their best and succeed in life. Maybe that's why Danny finds himself opening up. Because... because here is a real, honest to God, KING king.

Somebody who was actually TRAINED to do all this King stuff.

Unlike Danny.

And Danny? He's scared. People expect him to Lead now. To know what he's doing. To somehow just... suddenly KNOW how to do all these things he's never even heard about. He only barely just died. Has BARELY been keeping everybody safe.

BARELY stopped Pariah.

He doesn't know what to do. But he pours his guts out. All the things that have bottled up. And King Not-Lancer listens. Somber and thoughtful. There is little, if anything he can TRUELY do to help. But... there ARE things he can do. Lessons on statescraft, while he's here, for one.

As for the other? Well, as King, he does have the local Lantern's Call Sign. Not to be used lightly, mind you. But what Danny describes? And from what the Sacred Ones have reported? THAT must be reported to Oa. He can show Danny how to do that.

(He does)

[The Lanterns of Earth get a VERY exciting call from Oa. Are every different shade of pissed. But? Whoops! Looks like they ACCIDENTALLY put the Watchtower into a complete Quarantine! Well, dang. Guess we're all stuck here for two weeks!

Reset it? *sound of smashing computer terminal* Yeah, don't think that's gonna work! :)

WHO WANTS TO PLAY 20 QUESTIONS?? We'll start! :) Who here has heard of an organization called, and I quote, The Ghost Investigation Ward? :) ]

@hdgnj @ailithnight @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter

[ageingfangirl2]

Let Me Help You Idiot! Hajime Kokonoi (Tokyo Revengers)

You met Koko when you were younger, and he took you under his wing. As an inspiring designer, you loved to make him nice clothes. As you get older, you want to be more independent, but Koko will always look out for you. Kokonoi x Reader (Bonten Timeline)

From the moment you were born, you had to fight tooth and claw to survive. Your dad left when you were three, leaving you and your mum with nothing. Your mum went back to being a hostess, meaning you were left alone in the single-room apartment you had. She was good at her job, earning lots of money and expensive gifts from suitors. But she had addictions and spent the money on drugs. From a young age, you had to fend for yourself and learn to survive, from clothing and making meals to keeping the apartment clean and ensuring mum put enough money aside for bills. Luckily, the neighbours took pity on you and helped pay for your school things, and one lady taught you how to sew, saying it would help you in the future to have a skill to pay the bills. You kept up your sewing throughout school, getting better and managing to sell some of your wares at a local market on the weekend.

This is where you met Hajime Kokonoi, and you took pride when he complimented the intricate details you embellished your clothes with. He decided you were going to be his personal designer in the future, and he was going to help you make a name for yourself.

PRESENT DAY

Koko kept his promise to help you, using his money and connections to get you into a good design school. All he asked in retum was you make all his clothes custom and free of charge, and of course you said yes because it was the least you could do. By now, he was on executive in Bonten, a criminal organisation and he liked to look nice because he had an image to maintain.

After working for a couple of designers, you saved enough to open your own shop in Tokyo, and it felt nice to pay with your our money instead of Koko's. Bonten kept Koko busy, so you didn't like bothering him unless he called you. You had one big problem, you had no real clue about money and expenses of running a business. And now you had to pay taxes on top of that, which went over your head. You chose to focus on commissions to make more money and filled in all the forms to the best of your abilities. Little did you know it would come back to bite you in the ass.

KOKO

I was busy dealing with the financial mess Sanzu had left for me after his last mission.

'I'm surrounded by idiots,' I groan, rubbing my temples.

'Err boss, I have the reports you asked for,' some lacky who's name I didn't deem important to lean stutters, standing in the doorway of my office. Even though y/n had paid for their shop and was getting quite a few comissions, I liked to keep an eye on them. They were a year younger than me and had become like a younger sibling I felt protective over. When we met up, we didn't talk about money, and I knew if they had a problem, they would come to me for help. However, my eyes widened, seeing the financial report in front of me.

'What the hell?' I gasp.

How could they be so careless when it came to finance? Firstly, they were paying way too much rent for the area, and secondly, the government wasn't happy with their taxes, which they had underpaid. They were close to losing their shop and facing a big penalty from the government who thought they were committing fraud.

I grabbed my jacket and car keys, needing to see them before the problem got out of hand. I run out of my office, ignoring Sanzu, having bigger fish to fry.

The light was still on in the shop when I pulled up outside. They liked to work late if they had a deadline. I enter the shop and the bell pings. I lock the door behind me and turn the open sign to closed.

'Hi, how can I help you - Koko, what are you doing here?' y/n stares at me, tilting their head to the side in confusion.

I walk over to the counter and put the file down in front of them, 'if you didn't understand, why didn't you ask me to explain?'

They open it, and the colour drains from their face, 'am I in big trouble? I thought I'd look dumb if I had to keep asking you to help me!'

I sigh loudly, 'yeah, well, you look pretty dumb right now, so that didn't work out for you.'

They look down at their feet and shuffle nervously, 'the last time we had coffee, you were stressed dealing with your colleagues' finances. I didn't want to give you any more stress, so I did what the internet told me to do filling out the forms. I'm sorry Koko. What do I do now?'

I walk and the counter and pull them into my arms. I didn't like to show emotion in front of the other executives, but y/n was the exception. I needed to protect them.

I kiss the top of their head, 'in the future don't take any extra comissions after you've submitted your taxes for the financial year until the new one starts or the govenment will think you're committing fraud. I'll get this sorted for you, and remember you can come to me whenever you need help.'

They squeeze me tightly, 'I'll never be able to pay you back, Koko. Sorry for being an idiot.'

I snort, you're the only idiot I can stand.'

Not wanting them to stress anymore, I'd also handle the rent problem for them, no one messed with the people close to me.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Lisa Needham at Public Notice:

It’s no secret that the second Trump administration is full of grifters who are thrilled to spend your tax dollars to enrich themselves. But you don’t need to be a member of Trump’s cabinet or even his inner circle to benefit from this brave new world. Trump is comprehensively dismantling financial oversight, pardoning crypto scammers, and making sure cronies get sweet no-bid government contracts. At the same time all of this largesse to white collar criminals is going on, the administration is weaponizing the government against everyone else. Just look at Trump’s early pardons and commutations. They send a message that financial crime is just fine. You can also think of them as a sort of wish fulfillment. Trump pardons people who were convicted for doing the same things he does routinely. He had to pay $25 million to settle with people who paid for his scammy “Trump University.” He exploited his own campaign donors by signing them up for recurring donations unless they located a tiny box to opt out. He falsified his financial records, inflating his net worth to obtain loans, for which he was fined $364 million. Trevor Milton, convicted of defrauding people who invested in his electric and hydrogen vehicle company, is probably the best example of how easy it is to buy a pardon from Trump. Milton is the owner of Nikola, an overhyped vehicle company that leverages the name of a famous inventor and promised the moon, but was faking its technology to defraud investors. Hmmm. Sound familiar? Milton was convicted of securities fraud in 2022 and sentenced to four years in prison in December 2023. But since he remained free on bail pending his appeal, he was able to donate $920,000 to Trump’s PAC in October 2024. That netted him a pardon, which doesn’t just mean he won’t serve prison time. It also means he won’t have to pay the nearly $700 million he was ordered to pony up in restitution to investors. That’s quite a bargain: under $1 million in donations to Trump bought a pardon that saves Milton hundreds of millions of dollars. Trump also commuted the 10-year sentence of Carlos Watson just days before he was set to report to prison. Watson was the co-founder of once-buzzy startup Ozy Media, which imploded when it became clear that he was inflating viewership numbers, lying about revenue, and engaging in shady practices like pretending to be a YouTube executive when talking to potential investors. To be fair, it isn’t just that Trump is pardoning rich people. Fervent support of Trump and the lie that the 2020 election was stolen was enough for former Tennessee GOP state Sen. Brian Kelsey to catch Trump’s eye. After the standard Republican whining about how he was the victim of a Biden-led witch hunt, Kelsey pleaded guilty to campaign fraud for trying to shift campaign funds raised for his state legislative seat to his 2016 congressional race. In thanking Trump for the pardon, Kelsey made sure to tie their fates together, twin victims: “May God bless America, despite the prosecutorial sins it committed against me, President Trump, and others the past four years.” Trump also isn’t limiting his pardons to just people. He broke new ground in excusing lawlessness by pardoning a corporation: BitMEX, a cryptocurrency exchange. BitMEX had pleaded guilty to violating the Bank Secrecy Act by operating without required anti-money laundering provisions. For good measure, he also pardoned BitMEX’s co-founders. Indeed, crypto scammers might be the biggest beneficiaries of Trump’s commitment to corruption. Crypto probably already had a native appeal to Trump, given that it is largely unregulated and is often used for scams. He and his large adult sons already run a crypto company, World Liberty Financial, which is tailor-made for corruption.

The 47 and Bondi Regime believe that laws apply to their opponents, but not for them or for their supporters.

[willowscreativespace]

AEACUS/AIAKOS/EACUS HEADCANONS!!

regular headcanons .

stories from styx by : @imcasperfox

tagging: @squipio , @literallylink--who-tf-is-ravioli

(scheduled post)

• Considering he built the walls of Troy with Poseidon and Apollon, his hands are probably very calloused.

• Cerberus loves him. Like, refuses-to-move-from-his-side level of love. Aeacus has tripped over one of Cerberus' heads multiple times, but he just accepts it.

• He once rigged Minos’ throne to creak dramatically every time he spoke. Minos responded by making all of Aeacus’ scrolls burst into flame whenever he tried to read them.

• He gets extremely flustered if someone flirts with him. The idea of being romantically pursued makes him panic, and his default response is to start listing random Underworld laws until the person gives up.

• Even in a modern setting, he talks like he's still in ancient Greece. "Hail, brother, wouldst thou pass the salt?" "Aeacus, we are in a Taco Bell. Please stop."

• If you tell him he’s doing a good job, he will physically short-circuit. "I—I, uh, merely do what is necessary! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT."

• Aeacus never lets things go. If Minos screws up a ruling, Aeacus will remind him every single time they argue. “Oh, I’m being unreasonable? At least I didn’t send that one guy to eternal damnation for stepping on your foot—REMEMBER THAT, MINOS? BECAUSE I DO.”

• Whenever someone gets off topic, he’s so done. Like, if a guy is going “Bro please I didn’t mean to commit tax fraud” and starts sobbing, Aeacus just looks at his notes and sighs. “You’re literally here because you scammed orphans.”

• He runs the best spreadsheet in the Underworld. Hades once just found a file named “Don’t Touch This Unless You Want to Ruin My Life.xlsx.”

• His brothers call him “JP” (short for Judge’s Pet) because he’s the one who actually follows the rules. Aeacus hates it. “JP, just stamp the soul and let’s move on.” “For the last time, STOP CALLING ME THAT.”

• Minos and Rhadamanthus have an ongoing bet to see how long it takes before Aeacus has a full-blown existential crisis. They just push his buttons and watch. “But what if we just… let one slide?” “WE. DO. NOT. LET. ONE. SLIDE.”

• He corrects Minos and Rhadamanthus’ grammar mid-sentence. They actively try to use the worst grammar possible just to annoy him. “Me and Minos was thinking—” “MINOS AND I WERE—”

• He absolutely hates modern slang. Minos and Rhadamanthus use it incorrectly on purpose just to watch him suffer. “This one’s going to Elysium, no cap.” “STOP.”

• He can hear one of his brothers slacking off from a mile away. It’s a sixth sense.

• He gets way too into board games. Monopoly nearly destroyed the Underworld’s balance once.

• He keeps an emergency stress ball in his robes. He has popped several.

• He gets stuck with ghosts arguing over who actually invented olives or which poet was truly the best. "Sir, I do not care if Archilochus insulted your mother. You’ve been dead for 3,000 years. Move on."

• His brothers force him to watch shows just to see him complain about the inaccuracies. "That is not how sentencing works!"

• If a particularly good dog arrives in the Underworld, he bends the rules a little to let it stay in Elysium.

• “Yo, JP, pass the chips." "I have sentenced kings to Tartarus for less."

• “Okay, but I say this guy deserves Elysium.” “Objection. Look at his financial records.” “Gods, here we go.”

• He likes reading ridiculous excuses from the other souls “‘I only robbed him because Hermes told me to in a dream.’ Gods, I love this job.”

• If a lost soul is looking for their loved ones, he will personally track them down. “I found your sister. She’s in the Asphodel Meadows.” “You what?” “Go on, go see her.”

• If a child’s soul arrives scared, he takes extra time to explain things to them gently. “You don’t have to be afraid. It’s just like starting a new journey.” “Will my dog be here?” “What was his name?” “Cerberus.” “…” “Fine. Let him pet Cerberus.”

• If a married couple is supposed to be separated, he’ll “accidentally” assign them to the same region.“Whoops. Guess you’re together forever. What a shame.” “You can’t just—” “I can, and I did.”

[husbants]

I don't think anything Phil said last night excludes the possibility that they also have a joint account? Yes, he joked that 90% of the gaming channel money goes into his, but that is far from their only source of income and even if they pay the mortgage out of Phil's account (for some reason instead of a joint), they could also have a joint for savings etc. Also like even if Phil's account doesn't have Dan's name on it, it seems clear his account pays for daily joint expenses like food (or Sims expansion packs lol) and Dan has all of his info, so at what point is that basically just a joint account ahahah.

(Also, tangent, but there has also been discussion of them filing jointly and... could they even do that since they're not married? I'm far from a tax expert and especially not familiar with the UK's taxes, but. Also, I'm positive they actually have an accountant to do any difficult stuff - they've mentioned about trying to do it by themselves in the beginning and then giving up and getting one in a Stereo show. People were joking about Dan committing tax fraud because Phil apparently does his taxes but like lol another person is allowed to do your taxes as long as there is permission.)

[radioisntdead]

Hazbin characters + readers from my fics as things the people I know and I have said pt.2

Niffty: The bugs, [Name] the bugs they want my blood

Hanahaki reader: Dude, I am literally dying rn

Niffty: the bugs want your blood too, no one is spared.

......

Angel dust, allegedly taking off his sunglasses: Hello sluts!

.....

Charlie: I will personally get a job and pay for your therapy

.....

Alastor holding cursed cat Alastor: he looks at me like a disgruntled orphan.

....

Child reader: what do your sobs sound like?

Alastor: You don't need to know.

....

Unspecified reader: Alastor! Stop drinking out of the toilet!

Cursed cat Alastor: -disgruntled noises-

.....

Alastor to cursed cat Alastor after he ate his [Alastor's] breakfast: Fat boy, you are a little fat boy, fat boy

....

Cherri bomb: Chihuahua on cocaine

....

Charlie: I'm reading a book right now and I'm not giving any spoilers but I think my favorite character just died

Charlie five minutes later: He's ALIVEEE!

....

Eldritch horror reader, about Valentino: We should burn him indefinitely

...

Alastor: I've gone too deep into radio vibes

...

Sir Pentious: People try to scam me a lot

...

Alastor after learning what Ace in the hole meant: I am asexual.

...

Sir Pentious: DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY I DID NOT COMMIT TAX FRAUD

....

Vox: At times I wonder what people think of me

Velvette: Personally I see you like one of those funky digital 2000's core fish screen mixed with computer vibes things if that makes sense

Vox:....

Vox: thank you.

.....

[aestariiwilderness]

Vernestra & Padawan | Acolyte (Spoilers)

Okay apropos of nothing but I think Qimir/The Stranger's (wow, really, ominous name dude. not edgelord at all) backstory is most easily and hilariously explained by his being Vernestra's Padawan. I am about 98.9% certain Edgelord here just got really, really tired of being elaborately framed for the sake of the Jedi Order. :D I mean, this does seem to be Vernestra's go-to/only move. For example: Tuesday. Someone stole a cookie. It reflects badly on the Jedi Order. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways to the nearest scruffy-looking padawan. "Qimir..." Wednesday. A senator tripped on his own cloak. This reflects badly on the Jedi Order. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways. Qimir, who is still out of breath from being hunted down by Jedi hounds last night and only narrowly proved his innocence by not owning any cloaks at all, does not move away fast enough. "Qimir..." Saturday. There has been a minor case of tax fraud (it was Vernestra). This reflects badly on the Jedi Order and will eventually lead to the downfall of civilization (and also she will have to pay a fine). Vernestra's eyes slide sideways. Qimir also moves sideways, but not fast enough. "Qimir..." Monday. Qimir has taken an extended leave of absence in the medical bay after being grazed by the firing squad that a young Plo Koon managed to avert at the very last second by proving his innocence ("wait! Qimir is a dependent and does not pay taxes yet! He cannot have committed this fraud! It is... *clears throat, does not look at Vernestra holding the blaster* a mystery who has done so! May we direct your investigation to the nearest available Jedi corpse for leads? Thank you"). A Jedi has "accidentally" wiped out a family and kidnapped their force-sensitive child for the temple, for the sixth time this quarter. This could reflect badly on the Jedi Order. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways over the corpse of the Jedi Knight responsible -- and the child, whoops -- and over to the medbay window where she knows her padawan is in a mini-coma. "Qimir..." Sunday. A Jedi Knight is having a dalliance with a Night Sister (again) and was stupid enough to get photographed from behind at her apartment. If you disregard the blue skin and gills just visible at his wrists, it otherwise COULD be Qimir. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways. "Qimir..." Day: ?? Qimir is being hunted down by Jedi Shadows, for reasons he isn't clear on anymore. It is the fourth time this week; they interrupted him during meditation. His master has just messaged him to ask if he would mind being "temporarily" excommunicated and court-martialed by the Senate, "for the good of the Order". She does not specify why or what his extraction plan would be, only that it "probably won't hurt (for long)". Day 1 as a Sith: Qimir takes a long, long nap in a cave far, far away from people. It's the best night's rest he's had since the creche. He leaves Vernestra's pings tearfully demanding why he could have done such a thing to her on "read". Day 264 as a Sith: Annnnnnnd she's back. Vernestra's eyes slide sideways over Master Sol's corpse. Qimir has, per usual, done absolutely nothing here besides stand around and look pretty, but he's wise to her tells now and slides sideways faster. Now, if he can only get Osha out of here...

[valarioncy]

Hello cy, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I sure hope you’re doing ok and work isn’t kicking your butt. My plushie was supposed to arrive today but he arrived a month earlier and now that it’s Halloween, you can have one too :]

(Throws it at you)

his name is the broker, keep an eye on him cause he will rob a bank and commit tax fraud. He will also try to steal your money any chance he gets so keep a safe distance between him and your wallet.

Good luck out there! Byeeeee :D

Hiiii thanks for the wishes! :0 Work is a pain but next week I get an extra day off eyyy!

This goofy edit was a nightmare and a half, but it's never been uploaded before simply because of how poor the quality of the video is. And now that It's been compressed and recompressed just trying to convert the file type to one that I can post, it's even worse. But still funny/amusing, I hope.