#comfortable with my voice.. Like when i took choir in middle school it was weird and dysphoric for reasons that i obviously

[raymend]

not being able to sing well anymore is like the one part of being on t that is making me sad. like i miss being in choir but there's no fucking shot i could do it with my crackly ass voice. like yesterday i was tryiong to sing and it was so so so so bad. granted i talk in a higher register at work all day and i was zonked but i just couldnt hit pitches like i used to. like i know it will settle eventually and be fine but like. Whimper

[notanotherinfjblog]

The types as strangers I wish I had known (version 4)

Previous versions: One, two, three

INTJ: She was the first person to show me kindness in a new place. Moving across the country all alone in the middle of a pandemic is not exactly the ideal start of your first real job. So she took it all on herself to take me by the hand, to organise all the things that I had no clue about. She gave me a little tour around the workplace, recommended me places to eat once the pandemic is over, asked me about how I was settling in, remembered little things I mentioned. She was the only person not working from home when I first arrived and so it was just the two of us. She was quiet and reserved as most people here seem to be, and she was awkward in every way when interacting with me. But she tried so hard and maybe it’s just me projecting, but she said her son was in the very same situation as me right now, and it felt like she tried to help me in the way she couldn’t help her son, like she wanted to take me under her wing, but not make it awkward, and then actually making it slightly awkward in doing so. Her heart just felt warm and so did mine when I said thank you.

ENTJ: Everyone knows the classic character of a self-righteous doctor in a hospital show. You know that one. The one that everyone thinks may be hard-working and clever, but heartless and uncaring and egocentric, but a few episodes down the line you start to see that there is more going on underneath the rude attitude. I’ve always believed this to be a stereotypical depiction that is more of a caricature until I met her. She was a doctor at a hospital I stayed in, and damn, she was just like that. She stormed into the rooms, rolled her eyes at a patient whose German was bad, even though she had a thick accent herself, couldn’t be bothered to commit to polite standards of communication like saying hello or thanks, and she didn’t care to wait for just a second when a nurse was in her way and pushed her aside instead. Especially two young nurses were exasperated with her and complained about her as soon as she stormed out of the room. They really made me feel like I had gotten myself into a hospital show as a patient, it was fantastic. And I have to say, even though this young doctor had all of these flaws, she was the only one that actually talked to the patients and explained what was going on, hell she even talked to that woman’s daughter on the phone for a few minutes because the woman didn’t understand the language. Just like on tv, she may have been rude, but at least she seemed like a good doctor.

INTP: My university department held a conference and I was responsible for making sure that all these professors and PhD students didn’t die from their coffee cravings, so I spent most of my time running around with giant coffee cans. And I have to admit, among all the scientists that were roaming the halls, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was a PhD student from the Netherlands and there was just something about him that did not fit in. You know how professors are often a bit eccentric or strange by normal standards (which explains why we had to explain to an unspeakable amount of them how a coffee can works), so you’d imagine he’d fit right in. But he didn’t. He was his own universe. While everyone was networking, he was studying the research posters in silence. Not because he was too shy, he seemed very comfortable in his own skin. He just didn’t seem to care all that much about other people. I got to listen to a few talks and as he sat in front of me, I saw him play a video game. At an international conference. With professors and colleagues sitting behind him. And he still managed to ask intelligent questions about the talk afterwards. No idea how. Part of me wished I could have talked to him, not because he was cute though he was, but rather because I really could not tell you what kind of person he was. Was he a good person? A bad one? Probably something in-between. But I don’t think my opinion would have fazed him all that much, since to me, he seemed like the kind of person that valued his own opinion on himself the most, and I think that’s a good thing that he’s got there.

ENTP: I had just moved to a different city in a completely different part of the country, and I had just gotten back from my first walk around town. Sounds exciting, but I got back to this unfamiliar flat that I was supposed to call home now and I was panicking. So I stepped out on the balcony hoping the cold air and the stars above could calm my nerves. But it wasn‘t them that did. I stood there in the dark and saw an elderly couple in the parking lot. The woman was in a very similar mental state as me. She was running around their car and was talking about all the things they still had to take care of and things they‘d need, but had forgotten, and her voice got higher and shakier with every word. And then her husband just went and hugged her. She kissed him goodbye three times and every time she did, he let out a little laugh, calm and gentle. He pat her on the back and said that everything was going to be okay, that they would see each other again tomorrow. She kissed him goodbye one last time before she drove away, and I stood there alone in the dark and thanked the universe that I was there at the right time to hear this old man‘s words. For some reason he always seems to appear every time I‘m feeling low and strikes up a little chat with me. And every time he leaves, I have already forgotten what I was sad about.

INFJ: I think everyone pursuing an academic career has this one hero, this one scientist that lit the spark in their heart to dedicate their life to science just like them. I know I have one. So when I started an internship at his lab with one of his colleagues, I didn‘t really expect to meet him. I had seen him around once in a while, yes, but who was I to approach a stranger to tell him what his work meant to me? But then came the plenary meeting that was meant to get more people of the lab to get to know one another - and he approached me. He sat down next to me, asked me about my academic past and future, asked about my current project with his colleague. And I still can‘t believe it. Only a little girl singing in the church choir who is suddenly approached by Beyoncé can hope to imagine what it felt like. He was an internationally renowned scientist, he would have had every reason to look down on the rest of us. Many of them certainly do. But here he was, talking to a little intern from abroad. He was such a genuinely nice person, was sweet and slightly awkward, he even mirrored my weird head nodding that I always do when all the words have left me. He felt like a kindred spirit. I didn‘t tell him what these few minutes talking to him meant to me though part of me wishes that I did, yet still he invited me to the meetings of his research team even though I was not a part of it. And when I came and sat down, he turned around, smiled at me and turned away again, and I can‘t tell you how insane it feels that all of this actually happened.

ENFJ: I’ve written about him before and I will write about him forever. I remember the day our eyes first met in that crowded school corridor almost half of my life ago. I don’t know why neither of us could look away that day, why neither of us could ever look away again from this day on. Somehow our eyes always found each other. I remember the snowy day at the train station so many years later, how he stood there alone in the cold and how he slowly walked towards me, his eyes glued to his feet that abruptly stopped right next to mine. And yet he stayed silent. As did I. So we stood there for an hour waiting for our train, quickly averting our eyes every time they came close to meeting. I remember him looking back at me over his shoulder once we got off the train. He seemed quite flustered that I was about to find out that he had parked his car right next to mine and so he fled. Both of us kept parking our cars next to each other, even when we didn’t see each other for months. But I could never follow him out. He was my own personal mystery. I spent countless nights staring at the ceiling wondering what it was, this strange thing that was going on between us, this little secret that we shared, and I wondered who he really was inside, not who he pretended to be in front of his friends. He was like an island in their midst, always a bit detached, always tucked away behind a smile. Soon twelve years will have passed and still we’ve never spoken a word, but somehow these dark brown eyes still feel more familiar than my own, these eyes that always seemed to look right into my soul. I could have stared at them my whole life. I honestly have no idea what it is that is tying me to him, what it is that I felt back then and what I’m feeling right now. Maybe I’ll never know. I haven’t seen him in three years, but I know our paths will cross again some day. I can feel it in my bones. This story is not over yet. Maybe then we’ll finally be ready to meet properly. Maybe then we’ll finally be able to speak. 

INFP: I happened to stand at the window when I saw the new postman approach our letterbox, and so I watched him throw letters and magazines inside - and stop. He moved his head closer to the box and a frown appeared on his face. He backed off, wanted to leave, came back again and didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to do. So he rang the doorbell. As I opened the door, there he was, shy and with slight panic in his eyes. “I’m so sorry”, he said. “There is a sign on your letterbox that you don’t want advertisements, but I saw that too late and I had already thrown it in. I’m terribly sorry. I can’t get it out of the box and so I thought, I should ask if that’s alright.” And my heart just went awwww, that’s adorable. I smiled at him and told him that it was absolutely fine. He seemed so relieved. So he went away and I closed the door.

ENFP: This is for the man with the kind, but heartbreakingly sad eyes who sometimes sits in front of the train station silently begging for money. This is for the grandparents who spent their train ride trying to teach their little grandchildren the numbers from one to five. This is for the old woman who always kneels down in the middle of the train station with her forehead pressed to the ground, keeping still for hours, enduring the devastation of thousands of people passing by without stopping. This is for the woman who knelt down next to a homeless man, who took his hand and asked how she could help him. This is for the man who made faces at the little boy sitting next to him on the train to make him laugh. This is for the anger I felt when I saw the distraught face of a 10-year-old boy coming out of the movie „1917“ at the cinema with his father. This is for the happy little puppy who lives next to the bakery where I usually grab my lunch. This is for the twenty people who decided to all speak a foreign language during a meeting with each other just because I was there too, a total stranger they had never even seen before who is bad at their native language. This is for the creep that asked me in the middle of the street at night to accompany him. This is for the two teenagers who went to buy sandwiches and coffee for a homeless woman. This is for the families I often see sitting at the train stations, sometimes with a baby in their arms, holding a sign saying „Syrian family. We are hungry, help us please.“ This is for the man who yelled at his girlfriend because she gave them some money. This is for the people who play music during everyone‘s morning commute on the train. This is for all the people who approached me speaking in French and started to laugh when I apologised for not being very good at it. This is for Paris, in all its beauty and all its ugliness. This is for humanity, in all its beauty and ugliness.

ISTJ: He was sitting alone on the train, looking out of the window while listening to something with headphones. He was a tall guy in his mid-20s, one with a full beard, long brown hair in a neat ponytail, and a t-shirt of some rock band that I had never heard of. So, I was sitting there, three meters away, minding my own business, when I suddenly heard a giggle. The entire car of the train had been quiet all this time as it usually is, so I looked up and saw this guy trying to contain his laughter. He pressed the lips together, scratched his nose in order to inconspicuously cover his mouth. I don’t know where this sudden burst of laughter came from. Maybe he was listening to an audio book and reached a funny part. Maybe he was listening to a voice message of a funny friend. Maybe he just had a very amusing thought, I don’t know. But I’ve always had a soft spot for people who randomly start laughing in public and get embarrassed about it cause it’s always, always adorable.

ESTJ: She was a PhD student at my university and she was the one who mainly organised the conference that the above mentioned INTP was attending, too. And even though she didn‘t get tired of complaining about how much work this all was, how typical it was of her boss to volunteer to hold the conference at our university and then not lifting a single finger, she was like a fish in the water, not out of it. She observed everything and everyone, immediately recognised little problems or things that could become a problem, she was constantly running around checking everything, and she kept so many things in mind, it was impressive. One of the attendees sat in a wheelchair and as soon as she noticed, she made us rebuild the entire cafeteria immediately so that everything was reachable for her. And in all the running around, all the obligatory smalltalk, all the stress, she still found the time to stand with us student helpers and joke around.

ISFJ: It was 6pm on a Friday afternoon when all of Paris was trying to get home in the middle of a train strike, so the trains that did run were even more crowded than usual. I did not enjoy sharing 5 square metres with almost 40 other people. But then he entered the train and stood right next to me, leaning against the doors without moving, looking like an intellectual in gangster clothes. We were surrounded by noise of people talking and of rails screaming, by strangers breathing onto our skin, and he just stood there unfazed by it all. He radiated calmness like I‘ve never seen anyone do before. Soon it reached me too, filled me up and left no place for any distress or anxiety. He was like an island in the storm that grew and grew and grew until all of the 40 people around him were safe. I felt safe. I don‘t think he has even the faintest clue about how special he is, but I feel like it has been a privilege to have crossed paths with him.

ESFJ: Did you ever meet someone who, on first glance, looks like the perfect example of a jock, just a short guy with bigger arms than he’s tall? But then you look again, take a closer look at him and you realise that his face has goodness written all over it. He may be horribly bad at grammar for a linguistics student and he may be a bit too sensitive for his own good, but he never made it a secret of how much of a sweetheart he really is. And in situations like these, when he talks about how emotional he got as a tutor when his student told him about a dying grandfather because he felt responsible for the student’s wellbeing, in situations like these, when he approaches my friend after a class to apologise for his harsh criticism of her presentation and to tell her that he didn’t mean it that way, to which she gets all confused because she didn’t take the slightest offence to anything he has ever said in his entire life and he mumbles that he may have to stop beating himself up about stuff like this, I just want to give him a hug and never let go. 

ISTP: I saw her on the metro during rush hour in Paris, and I immediately noticed her to be different. Everyone else always only stares at their phones or into space, everyone else always look like a tired zombie. She was not a zombie. She was leaning against the doors, shaking her leg in the rhythm of the music she was listening to. She was short and skinny, and not even her punk boots could hide that, but there was such a confidence shining out of her, a confidence in who she was that made her look like a giant. She looked like she‘s probably had it rather rough in life, but it didn‘t break her. She rose to the adversity, rose in spite of it all. She seemed to be capable of so many things. Intelligent enough to go into science if she ever wanted to, vicious enough to end someone who ever dared to cross her, warm enough to love deeply and with all her heart if she let it.

ESTP: It was a hot day and far hotter than a September afternoon ever should be. I was stuck in a traffic jam in the city, melting in my car as were so many others, waiting for that red light to finally turn green. And then he came, a young guy in an ugly shirt and with a hat on his head. He started to cross the street, but then stopped right there in the middle. And he started to juggle. In the middle of a traffic jam on a Friday afternoon, he juggled. Just before his green light turned to red, he bowed down to the cars a few times, and then jumped to the sidewalk and left. Thanks, mate, you enigmatic juggling traffic hero.

ISFP: I met him at a wedding. He was a bald man in his 70s with thick horn glasses and probably the most intimidating person I’ve ever met. Not because he was mean, but because he was so confident in himself and so observant. His gaze constantly changed direction. He took everything in that happened around him, he didn’t miss a single thing that was going on, and still he was calm and sure of himself that everyone at our table felt like they had to impress him in some way. Just by looking at him you knew he must have lived an extraordinary life and he really did. He liked talking about himself. He talked about living in the American desert, on a mediterranean island, in a Buddhist monastery, and on a cruise ship. He talked about the smell of the desert at night, about the taste of oranges picked from a tree. He talked about the people he met, about professors and musicians, about cooks and monks. He talked about how much his village loved him. But he also liked listening to others talk about their own lives. It was obvious that he treated life as an experience, as a journey that cannot be planned or imagined, only lived. When we said goodbye, he looked me right in the eye and told me that he thinks it’s great what I’m doing with my life and that he’s looking forward to meeting me again some day. It felt a bit like receiving praise from a deity. 

ESFP: He was a nurse in the accident and emergency department at the hospital and the first person to talk to me while I was waiting in front of an examination room. He was only passing by with a colleague, but he stopped the conversation when he saw me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Aw, sugarmouse, what happened to you?”, was the first thing he said to me. You know, if an unknown man in his 50s is coming towards you and calls you “sugarmouse”, you’re usually not exactly happy, but he was just an overwhelmingly non-threatening guy that called all of the nurses and doctors by kitschy nicknames and radiated warmth wherever he went. He had noticed that I was nervous, and so he came to me and tried to gently put my mind at ease and I was really grateful for it.

[liesareeasier]

‘Home To Hawkins’ By MoonFlowerWrites on WattPad :) An Eddie Munson Fan-Fiction Inspired By Stranger Things

A/N: Hey everyone! Here's the first chapter of my Eddie Munson fan-fic! I'll be posting a chapter for this every few days, so check for updates. :) This is kind of a strangers to friends to lovers story. There will be graphic smut and mature content in this story, so please stop reading if you're not 18+. Thanks for checking out my story and I hope you enjoy it!! xx

~ Abbey, the writer. :) <3 xx

•••

Word Count: 8,600 words exactly ;)

'86, baby

•••

Driving into Hawkins for the first time in years felt strangely comforting. I hadn't been back here since I was a kid, about the time I was starting middle school, but it always held a special place in my heart. In this new chapter of my life, I was hopeful for an easy, light distraction from everything I had been going through lately.

My grandparents had both just passed away. It was a house fire, started mysteriously in their living room, and took both of their lives while they slept. It was a horrible, painful time when we found out what had happened to them. They didn't deserve to die like that and losing both of them at the same time was gutting.

Ever since they passed a few months ago, I had been in a kind of shock. I felt nothing but numb. Just going through the motions was the only way I was getting by for a while.

After their funeral, we found out that they still had ownership of the old video store back in Hawkins. They were from there and it's the town I was raised in. They moved away when my parents did, since they were getting older and didn't want to be separated from our family. We had thought they sold the business when they moved, seeing as they had never mentioned it when they were alive.

My grandma was simply the sweetest woman on the planet. I was grateful for her since my mother and I weren't exactly close.

My mom always tried her best, but she just never truly understood me. She thought I was a weird, lost, artsy kid, even though she always pretended to accept me. She was a choir teacher and sometimes I felt like she was more focused on her students than me. I was only ever into painting and drawing but never singing.

No matter how much she pressured me... She said I had a lovely voice but she's always pushing me to be who she wants to be...

My dad and I got along fine, when he was home, but that wasn't much. He tried to be there for me when my mom couldn't be but he was super busy running his own business. "Couches won't sell themselves if I don't get off of mine," is what he always said when he worked a lot.

My parents were both busy after my grandparents passed, with their own work. My dad was occupied with his furniture business and my mom had her music students. I just had a part-time job at a local boutique, so I had too much downtime with all of my grief. When we found out that they needed someone to move back to Hawkins and run the store, I decided to step up to the plate.

I tried to understand my parents reasoning for not taking the store at first but when talks started about selling it, my anger set in. It was the last thing of my grandparents that we had. They were humble people without a lot of other assets, and I felt like it would be a way to get closer to a core piece of myself.

We also didn't have any other family on my dad's side, just some on my mom's side but she kept us away from them. These were my grandparents on my dad's side and he was an only child. Since he didn't want the responsibility of another store, taking over the business was either going to be on me or the bank.

Choosing to go back to Hawkins felt like a decision to go home. It also felt like it was the first thing I had truly chosen for myself. I was excited about a fresh start. That was until I neared the town border and the smell from the manufacturing plants wafted into the open windows of my black station wagon.

God, I didn't miss that...

As I rolled through the town, I couldn't help but notice how everything looked the exact same. Nothing had changed that much, except that the trees had gotten bigger and that they had remodeled the high school after...

Well, what happened in Hawkins was still up for debate. Those who knew what really occurred here weren't about to blow the lid off of the biggest secret that this town held.

Not everything here was what it seemed to be. I wouldn't say it was a lucky group to be in, but I knew all about the monsters that lurked beneath our world. My cousin Max had filled me in on the goings on in this town when she had moved here.

She and her friends were pretty certain that they had defeated the evil that had once invaded Hawkins but it was something that she was always wary of. She had become a target of the last monster they fought, named Vega or Vecnal, or something like that. I couldn't exactly remember.

I resented that my mom and hers didn't get along, even though they were sisters. I would have given anything to grow up with a sister of my own or her by my side, but our mom's ruined that for us. We kept in contact over the phone but we only talked about once a week, if that.

At least I would be here for her now. I'd help in any way I could if something like that creature ever came back for her. It killed me that I hadn't been there before.

I love my cousin so much... I'll do anything to protect her...

•••

A few years after we moved out of Hawkins, my aunt moved back here. I think it was to spite my parents, since they didn't get along, but I never let that come between Max and me. She was just a sweet kid, caught in the middle of our parents' drama, just like myself.

You see, Max's mom didn't have it as easy as mine did. They grew up as sisters and were never very close. When my mom married my dad and moved to the nice part of town, she kind of left her family in the wind.

Max's mom married a guy that worked at the factory and after that didn't work out, she moved with Max to another town. They had tried to start over but it never worked out for them.

Other than running the store, I was most excited about just being able to spend time with Max. She could be grumpy sometimes but once you were one-on-one with her, she opened up and was the funniest kid I'd ever met. She had such a loving heart if she trusted you enough to see it.

•••

The smell wasn't the only pungent thing about Hawkins. The stares from the overtly judgy townspeople were enough to make you ill. It probably didn't help that the back of my hand-me-down car was littered with bumper stickers either but what was a creative girl to do?

My parents had given me their old, white station wagon when I got my license. It never quite fit my style and over the few years I'd had it, I felt like it needed a little sprucing up.

I started by adding some fuzzy dice to the rearview mirror and even stuck some of my pins into the ceiling upholstery but it wasn't personal enough. It still just felt like the old family car, which it was but whatever.

When my first few paychecks came in from my old job at the boutique, I paid a few friends of mine to repaint it black. They worked at their dad's mechanic shop and it actually turned out very nice. It looked like the car had just originally come that way.

My parents hadn't minded me painting it until I covered the back with stickers. The decals of bands like Iron Maiden, Metallica, Fleetwood Mac, and movies like 'Beetlejuice' and 'The Shining' slowly started to fill the bumper. Some of them weren't even mine, just added by my friends but I loved the aesthetic that they gave my car. My parents, however, weren't too thrilled.

They thought everything I was into was too dark or demonic or strange, but I knew they were just prudes. The only one that my parents approved of was my Fleetwood Mac sticker, but I refused to take off the other ones just because of their sensitivities. They just rolled their eyes whenever they had to see the back of it but they mostly just tried to ignore it.

The people of Hawkins must have felt the same since their necks were almost breaking from whipping around to stare at my car while I drove by.

I couldn't help but laugh, roll up my windows to avoid the smell, and blast some Metallica as I made my way to where I was staying. They had only been around for about eight years, and even though I didn't always listen to such hardcore music, their sound was something I gravitated toward.

I had decided to stay in a hotel on the edge of town for a little while, just until I figured things out with the store. I wanted to make sure that the store was stable enough in profits for me to take out enough to pay for my own apartment.

I also didn't know how long I would be staying in Hawkins. I might have wound up hating it here and wanting to leave. I just wasn't ready to commit to anything yet.

It could be a few days, or weeks, or maybe I'll love it here. I just don't know...

So much had just changed in my life recently, I was just ready to face something different. Hopefully, Hawkins would be that place for me, even if it wasn't fully new to me.

•••

After getting checked into the hotel, which was more like a motel compared to the ads I had seen in the paper, I needed to get showered and change into some fresh clothes. It had been about an eight-hour drive from my parent's house and I was starting to smell myself.

I turned the shower into scalding to heat it up quickly, and stepped in to rinse my long day off of me. I used the hotel soap and shampoo, realizing I had forgotten to pack mine with me. I could just go to the corner store on the way home and pick up some more but thankfully this stuff wasn't too bad. It smelled like rosemary and would put me to sleep if I wasn't careful.

After a long, relaxing shower, I switched off the water and stepped out. I grabbed for a towel, quickly wrapped myself in the soft brown material, and wiped off the mirror to look at myself.

My skin looked fine enough to not wear any makeup, but I was still going to put a little bit on before I headed out. I wanted to feel my best, not that I needed makeup to look better. Getting ready just made me feel good and that was what was important to me.

I dug through my giant, burnt-orange duffle bag and pulled out one of my favorite outfits. Some black high-waisted jeans, Fleetwood Mac tee, and a floral button-down that I left open were going to be the look for today. Some dainty gold rings, my grandma's citrine necklace, and my worn-out, brown leather combat boots completed my look.

•••

I put a light face of makeup on, brushed through my hair, and that was it for tonight. I never really got dressed up or did my hair unless it was for a holiday or a party or something.

Once I was nice and ready, I decided to head over to the video store. It was probably slow since it was a Monday and I knew that it would only be open for a couple more hours but I was anxious to get there and see the place. I hadn't been since I was a little kid and hadn't even known that my grandparents still owned it until after their passing.

The man, Paul, that my grandparents had been paying to run the store told me that his best associates were in the store today, so I was hopeful that they would be open to someone new coming in. It worried me that they might not be open to any sort of change.

I didn't want to change anything about the essence of the business, but I also wanted the store to succeed. It held such a nostalgic place in my heart. My goal was to raise sales, host private screenings, and eventually grow the business, in whatever way felt best. It seemed like the best way to connect to my grandparents and an unknown part of myself.

Hopefully, the existing employees would accept me coming into their world. I could also use some friends here, so maybe I had even more riding on today than I had first realized.

•••

I started my car and embarked on my short drive to the Family Video. I could probably start walking or biking there once I got used to the town again, but I didn't exactly remember how to get around. I had never been an adult in Hawkins, so navigating the streets wasn't exactly something I was familiar with.

I had enough time to listen to a few songs from my favorite album, Rumours, before I was pulled into the video store parking lot. The sun was just starting to set as I parked and a lovely orange glow lit up the autumn sky.

It felt like my grandparents were shining down on me. I would do anything to make them proud. I smiled to myself and took a moment to collect my thoughts before getting out of the car. I locked it up and made my way to the front door with a heart full of hope for what was possibly lying on the other side.

The door chimed loudly when I walked in and I was greeted by the sweetest smile I'd seen in ages. A girl my age was behind the counter, organizing some tapes, and immediately welcomed me when I entered the once familiar space.

"Hi, welcome to Family Video," the girl said. "I'm Robin. Can I help ya find anything?"

"Yes, well, hi Robin. I'm Violet," I answered, blushing a little.

I hadn't expected there to be a girl working here, and a cute one at that. To be honest, I figured it would just be some greasy, old guys and young teenagers.

I continued, matching her infectious, smiley energy, "I think I'm actually looking for you!"

Her eyes widened at my vague statement. She put down the tapes in her hands and walked out from around the counter. As she did so, a guy with flowing brown hair stepped out from behind a rack and joined her.

He was classically handsome and, based on his clumsily obvious gaze, seemed to be checking me out. I just assumed that he was trying to figure out if he recognized me but his intense stare took me off guard a little.

I gulped before speaking again, desperate to fill our now awkward silence, "I'm Rose and Stan Bradford's granddaughter. They owned this place and um- I'm here to work with you guys."

"Oh, so she's the princess," the guy laughed as he patted Robin on the back and took his station behind the desk.

"Don't listen to him. He's an ass," Robin reassured me as she shot the guy a death glare. "That's Steve by the way and what he meant, I'm sure, was nice to meet you."

"Hey, yeah. I'm Steve. Steve Harrington," Steve said with a relenting wave from behind the counter. "Sorry, just assumed the new owner was going to be some old, stuck up-"

Robin cut Steve off, "cut it out, you douche. He just means that when we found out the ownership was changing, we thought that we'd get fired or that they'd want to close the store or they'd be mean or-"

Steve now cut off Robin, "Robin. She gets it."

I laughed before speaking up, "Nice to meet you, Robin and Steve. Steve, I'm Violet by the way. I don't know if you could hear me when I was talking to Robin earlier."

"Violet," Steve repeated as he smiled, drawing out the middle of my name. "Well, welcome to the 'Family'." He went back to the shelf he had been reorganizing when I'd walked in.

I laughed at his embarrassingly corny joke. I couldn't help it. I was pleasantly surprised by these two. I instantly vibed with them and their uniquely chaotic energies.

Robin grabbed my arm in hers and started leading me around the store. It hadn't changed much since I was a kid but I knew nothing about running it as a business. I had to get as familiar with this space as I could.

•••

"Well, that's the whole place, back room and all," Robin beamed as we walked back into the main part of the store. "Paul said he would drop off your set of keys tomorrow, so I guess that's it for now."

"Thanks for showing me everything," I said as we walked slowly through the horror section, making our way toward the front counter. "And by the way, your jobs were never in jeopardy. I hate that you guys even had to think that. I'd love to have you here. You've been here for a couple years and you already know the store and the inventory well. I don't really know what I'm doing here. I just want to keep this place thriving for as long as we can."

"I can't wait to help you," Robin started. "Don't worry about Steve either. He just comes off kind of like a dick but he's a sweetheart. He acts weird around pretty girls but he'll get over it. Now, the store should be pretty dead tonight. We're mostly busy just on weekends and Friday nights. We just need to finish tidying the store, tagging the new releases, and organizing-"

Robin's charmingly frazzled rambling was suddenly interrupted by the door chiming and swinging open. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms when she undoubtedly recognized who'd come in.

A guy our age, maybe even a bit older, with long, flowing curls stumbled into the store. He was ranting about something to some kids that he was with. They looked like they were in the tail end of high school and he was visibly a decent bit older than them.

He had a cool, unique style that instantly caught my eye. He was wearing this jean vest adorned with patches, a shirt with a red devil symbol on it, tight jeans, and impressively white sneakers on. My eyes flicked from him to the group he was with as they stood in the entryway.

Even while yelling at the kids, he had a kind smile on his face. It seemed like he was more messing with them than actually fighting and I took in the strange group as they approached. 

The long-haired stranger was flanked by a kid with curly hair and a funky baseball hat, a lanky kid with long black hair, one wearing a sports uniform of some kind, and a sweet-looking guy with a sharp bowl cut.

They seemed like an interesting bunch, most of them even wearing the same devil shirts. Now that they were almost in front of us, I could finally read what they said.

"Hellfire Club"... Hmm, I've never heard of that before... I wonder if it's something Robin knows about... Looks cool though...

"Robin, can you settle this for us?" The older guy said, keeping his gaze fixed intently on Robin. "Henderson here thinks that the plot of Elm Street is contrived? Can someone here tell him how asinine that is?"

He put his hands on his hips, pushing his jacket to the side. I couldn't help but notice the shiny, silver rings glinting off his tense fingers as he gripped his waist. I quickly turned my gaze away when I saw him looking at me.

He continued before Robin could answer his question, "and who may I ask is this?" He cocked his head toward me and raised his eyebrow as he looked at Robin.

"I'm Violet," I answered, speaking for myself. "And how can we help you tonight?"

"You didn't tell me you guys were hiring, Buckley," the guy said, turning his attention back to Robin, using what I could only assume was her last name. "I could have joined the team here and worked with you and Stevie. Sure he would have loved that." A smug grin crept onto his annoyingly pretty face.

"We're not, Eddie," Robin scoffed as she grabbed my hand as led us back behind the front counter, putting a barrier between us and the group that had walked in. "Violet here owns this place. She's in town to keep us open so that freaks like you can rent the same basic horror movies over and over and over again until your brains have rotten to mush. To answer you, the plot is pretty boring. Not my thing. I prefer Kubrick over Craven, so 'The Shining' is more my vibe."

"Whatever," Eddie said, throwing his arms up. "Alright, you each pick a movie, and then we'll vote on which one we're watching after the campaign tonight. And Henderson, grab me my favorite." He winked at the kid with the curly hair, who was probably Henderson, before they set out on their task.

The group of kids scattered and Eddie stayed up at the counter with us, now leaning up against it. Steve came over and joined us, finally done with organizing his side of the store. He greeted Eddie and joined Robin and me behind the counter.

"You takin' them all tonight?" Steve asked Eddie.

"Yep, yep. Sure am," Eddie answered, nodding his head, causing his tangled curls to bounce. "We're running what is hopefully the end of our campaign and then I'm letting the little trolls come over for a movie and pizza night. Win or lose, they played valiantly on this one. They deserve it."

"Aw, what a doting freak dad you are," Steve playfully mocked with a friendly smile.

Robin could tell that I was confused, since my brows had no doubt furrowed, and started to explain things to me quietly on the side, "they take turns watching the kids that we hang out with. It's a long story, but we've all been through a lot together and we took them on as like our surrogate family. They play D&D with Eddie, that's dungeons and dragons and it's-"

Oh my god... Are they...

I was starting to realize that this might be Max's group of friends. A group of kids and adults that have 'been through a lot together'? This couldn't be a coincidence. I wanted to speak up and ask if they knew Max but I didn't have the chance and, to be honest, I was pretty overwhelmed with all of this.

Robin was interrupted by Eddie, who I was learning was extremely loud, "and it's the greatest game ever invented and not something to be whispered about. What? You wanna play sometime princess?" Eddie had turned his pointed attention to me.

"I've heard of it but have no idea how to play," I laughed a little at his presumptive question.

"She doesn't want to play your freak, nerd board game, Eddie," Steve laughed as he gathered a pile of new releases in his hands. "Nice try, though." He chuckled and flipped his hair before going to set some movies out on display.

By now, the kids had picked out their selections to vote on, but Eddie just rented all of them. His surprisingly sweet action made me smile but I tried to hide it, not wanting to give him that satisfaction.

We had just met and he had totally taken me off guard. I wasn't sure of exactly what I was feeling but I was intrigued by him.

He is really cute... That smile...

The Henderson kid had also grabbed a copy of 'Nightmare On Elm Street' for Eddie before they left. When Robin pulled up his account, I could see on the computer that he has rented it eight times prior to tonight. As a lover of horror myself, I respected his choice. I even saw that he had rented my favorite movie a few times, Beetlejuice.

Damn! That just came out this year and everyone I knew thought it was too weird to even finish...

As I put the movies into the paper bag, I spoke to Eddie, referring to his question when he had come in, "the plot isn't contrived, by the way. The movie is good and stands on its own. I see why you rented it so many times."

"Shit, you like horror movies?" He asked, a smirk flashing across his face as he grabbed the bag from me, his hand lingering on mine for a moment longer than it needed to.

"Yes," I answered as I stepped back and leaned against the back counter. "What?" I raised my left eyebrow and held his gaze.

"Well, damn," Eddie said, crossing his arms. "It's just- Most people in this town shy away from anything remotely scary. Good to know you don't."

I just nodded and stared into his dark brown eyes. His stern gaze softened the longer he held mine. The kids started walking toward the door and Eddie soon realized that he had to do the same.

"She's too cool for you guys, Harrington," Eddie yelled as he started walking out of the store with his friends. "See you around, Violet." 

He winked at me and held the door open for the kids. They had started talking about strategies for their campaign tonight and had totally ignored our whole interaction. I held Eddie's gaze as he closed the door and looked away when I could feel how red my cheeks had gotten.

•••

The rest of the evening was relatively uneventful. Robin and I got all the movies tagged that we needed to, while Steve got them all set out on the shelves for us. The store was pretty tidy from being slow all day. All we had left to do was count the drawers and lock up, then our day here was over.

I was grateful to have a team as great as Robin and Steve already on the staff. They were funny and efficient and knowledgeable and super friendly.

Once Steve dropped his attitude, that is. I didn't mind him though. I thought he was pretty handsome and funny, so he could get away with it.

Robin already felt like someone I had known longer than just a day. Her energy matched well with mine. She was super cute, too.

God, is everyone in Hawkins this attractive because I'm in for some trouble if they are...

I was hopeful that we would be successful in growing this business together. Maybe they'd even become my friends.

"So, how was your first night in the great city of Hawkins, Indiana?" Robin asked me as she closed the last drawer, now finished with counting.

"Well, it's not my first night here but it feels good to be back," I answered, leaning up against the counter. "I grew up here. My family moved away right before I started middle school, so it's been a while but it feels good so far. Even better that I met you guys. I was really nervous about this, to be honest."

"You were nervous? We were terrified," Robin laughed as she pulled me in for a hug. "We had built up this monster in our heads of someone who was going to come in and tear us apart..." she trailed off, her mind seeming to go somewhere else.

Yeah... These have to be Max's friends... I don't know how to bring it up without overstepping, though...

"Well, I'm not a monster. Just want to help," I said as I pulled back from our embrace. "So, see you tomorrow Robin?"

"Absolutely," she answered, smiling. "Steve is off tomorrow, so it'll just be me, you, and Keith will be here halfway through the day. He's a little strange but he mostly keeps to himself and surprisingly has a pretty good taste in movies, so he's not that bad. But yeah, I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Goodbye, Steve," I yelled out as I gathered my things to leave, unsure where in the store he'd wandered off to. "Nice to meet you, see you soon!"

"You too, Violet," Steve answered as he rounded the corner and stood in front of me, his right hand poised on his slim hips. He ran his other through his hair before continuing, "I'll be here Thursday. Think I'll see you?"

"Yeah, I'll be here every day except for Sunday," I answered, realizing again that it was only Monday and that it was going to be a long week until then.

"Well, even though I'll see you before then, I'm having a Halloween party on Saturday," Steve said, reminding me that I had no costume or plans for my all-time-favorite holiday. "You should come. You can meet the rest of our crew and get reacquainted with Hawkins."

"I'll be there, so you won't be stuck with this idiot all night," Robin chimed in.

"Sounds like a plan to me," I said, slinging my pin-covered tote bag over my shoulder. "Thanks again for a good first night back. I'm lucky to have you guys here."

I walked out with Robin, and Steve once they had gathered their personal belongings to leave. I waved goodbye to them and unlocked my car.

I sat in the lot for a little while after Robin and Steve pulled away. They had gotten in the same car so I didn't know if they were together, or lived together, or if he had just picked her up. Either way, I liked both of them and figured that we would be fast friends.

I was feeling so grateful for such a great first day that I had almost forgotten to stop at the store for toiletries and some food. I needed shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and something to eat since I had skipped dinner and doubted that the hotel I was staying in would have room service and I didn't know where the vending machines were yet.

Yeah, I need an apartment sooner than later... Wait, does that mean that I might want to stay here?

•••

I turned off my engine when I pulled into the dark parking lot. The store was still assumedly open, its neon sign brightly illuminated in the window. A few cars and a van were parked in the lot and I hesitantly walked into the store.

In a matter of minutes, my handbasket was filled and I was ready to leave. I found my favorite rose shampoo, conditioner, and the honey body wash I used, and filled the rest of the bin with junk food.

I could go out and eat a real breakfast in the morning but tonight's dinner was going to consist of chicken ramen and Funyuns and a Coke. I grabbed some Twizzlers and chocolate for good measure. I was too tired for anything else and didn't think I could stay up long enough to wait for a pizza delivery, even though a pepperoni pizza sounded delicious right about now.

Just as I was about to reach the checkout area, a familiar loud voice rang out from behind me, "well, well, well, you stalking me now, Violet?"

Eddie...

I turned around and faced him. His annoyingly adorable smirk was plastered on his face.

God, is he annoying...

"Yes Eddie, you caught me," I joked. "I couldn't resist following a complete stranger while I shop for my dinner."

"Funyuns are dinner?" he chuckled and raised his eyebrow and he judged my basket.

"There's ramen too," I laughed as I moved my basket behind me, only slightly embarrassed. "Have a good night. I need to get heading home."

I started to turn toward the check-out as Eddie spoke once more. I returned my attention to him.

"Well, enjoy your dinner m'lady," he said as he half bowed at me. "I'm sure I'll see you around. Maybe outside my window later, stalker." He winked at me as he walked to the back of the store.

I brushed off our bizarre interaction and paid for my items. I looked around for Eddie once more before I walked out, wanting to make sure he knew that I wasn't following him, but couldn't see him.

I couldn't get a full read on Eddie, just yet. He was the kind of guy that everyone probably looked at like a freak but all I saw was an interestingly cool guy.

I didn't appreciate being called a stalker though. I knew that he was messing around but he was already getting under my skin, and I had just met him.

I hoped I would see Eddie again, even if he could be a little abrasive. He just seemed nervous around me for some reason. He had no reason to be. He was beautiful and charismatic.

Oh god, I'm getting too far too quickly here... I just met him and he probably thinks that I'm the freak... Breathe...

•••

When I pulled back into the hotel, I was utterly exhausted. I trudged into my room, practically dragging my bags on the ground behind me, and flicked on the light.

Its decor was a little outdated but I felt comfortable in my little, temporary home. I never felt at home anywhere I had lived but there was something different about Hawkins. It felt like it was where I was supposed to be. I guess that was something I had always been searching for, that feeling of home.

Thankfully, the hotel room had a little kitchenette with some basic utensils already stocked. I put some water into a mug and popped that in the microwave for my ramen.

I went over and sat on the corner of the bed, looking through the channels on the television while I waited for it to boil. I settled on an old, black-and-white movie and got my noodles ready when the water was hot enough.

I didn't feel like eating the other snacks I had gotten, so I just saved them for tomorrow. When I was done with my dinner, I rinsed and put my bowl in the kitchen's sink, before I moved to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I took my makeup off with some face wash that I had bought and turned off the light.

When I was finished with everything in the bathroom, I slipped into some matching black silk pajamas and tucked myself into the comfy bed. Hotel beds were always better than regular ones and this one was no exception. I could handle the subpar accommodations as long as I had a fluffy bed to fall asleep in.

My mind replayed the amazing day as I drifted off to sleep. I felt like my grandparents had sent Steve and Robin to me, like I was meant to know them. I felt connected to them already and was looking forward to spending my shift with Robin tomorrow. I had been worried about coming here for no reason. It felt like things were going to work out for me here.

Maybe this is where I belonged the whole time... Sure, I'll miss my parents, but it's not like they'll even notice that I'm gone... I feel like this is where I'm meant to be...

Eddie's face flashed in my mind just before I fell asleep. His pretty smile and curly hair had taken over my mind and I didn't know what to make of it. He had infected me.

I had never thought that someone was as attractive as him before. Meeting Eddie took me off guard. I couldn't tell if I was going to be annoyed by him or into him and I liked that.

Eddie... I don't even know his last name and he's already taken over mind...

•••

The alarm clock beside me started blaring at 6:30 am, for some reason, and I was forced awake by its shrill tone. I shot up in bed, frazzled, and threw the covers immediately off of me.

Jesus H Christ... Don't hotels usually reset these things between guests? Ugh, come on... I had one more hour left...

"Fine, I'm up. Happy, universe?" I said to myself as I made my way into the bathroom, slipping my pajamas off as I walked and threw them wherever they landed.

I turned on the shower and went to grab my new shampoos and body wash before stepping in. I let the hot water wash away any of my frustrations from being so rudely awoken. I would just have to change the time of the alarm before tomorrow but there was no use in letting it ruin my entire day.

Besides, now I would have plenty of time to run in town for some breakfast and coffee before opening the store with Robin at nine. I was beyond excited to see her again.

We had gotten along so well yesterday and I hoped that today would be the same. I needed friends here if I was going to stay. The fact that she worked with me, well I guess for me, was just a bonus.

•••

Once I was clean again, I got dressed in some dark blue jeans and one of my thrifted Mötley Crüe shirts. It was perfectly baggy on me and I tucked the front of it into my high-waisted jeans, letting the back of it flow behind me.

It was pretty chilly, since it was almost November in Indiana, so I grabbed my dad's old black leather jacket and threw it on. I loved the way it felt. He had perfectly broken it in and had taken such good care of it until he gave it to me.

It always felt like it was too cool for my dad's typically boring style, but it matched my wardrobe perfectly. I slipped on my black Doc Marten boots to complete my look, instead of my brown ones, grabbed my black tote bag, and headed out the door.

I remembered a little diner on the edge of town that my parents used to take me to on the weekends. I started up my station wagon and started driving that way. I was using a little map that I had gotten in the hotel lobby while I relearned the streets here in Hawkins.

•••

My warm breakfast was delicious and the perfect thing to wake me up. The diner was also just as I remembered it. Its walls were covered in old photographs and receipts. The green vinyl booths and metal chairs were the same as they had always been. The pancakes even tasted the exact same as when I was little.

Once I was finished with my breakfast of eggs, blueberry pancakes, and some well-done bacon, I ordered another mocha iced coffee to go and got one for Robin, too. I wasn't sure what her coffee order was yet but I figured that a mocha was a safe bet.

I paid for my breakfast, tipped and thanked the waitress, and walked out to my car. The sun was now fully fully and I blasted some more of the Rumors album while I drove into work. Despite the abrupt start, today was turning out to be another good one.

Good... I can't take any more bad days... Not again...

I didn't need to look at the map so much today. Everything was coming back to me quickly. I finished the last song on the cassette as I pulled into the parking lot of the Family Video. My Family Video. I had such a sense of pride in being a part of this town again.

I grabbed the iced coffees and made my way to the back of the store. The employee entrance was around there and since there weren't any other cars in the parking lot, I figured that would be the best spot to wait for Robin.

I wasn't sure what to expect today. It was only a Tuesday so I figured the store wouldn't be too busy. I still needed to learn the bulk of the inventory and all of the computer systems, but I sure I'd get the hang of things within a couple of days. Robin had worked at the store since high school and could quickly catch me up to speed.

I sat up against a metal utility box while I waited for Robin. It didn't take long, maybe five or so minutes, before a car was pulling behind the building. There weren't parking spots back here, since it was a loading done, so I figured it was someone dropping her off.

I wonder why she doesn't drive... Hmm, whatever... I can always offer her a ride if she needs someone to drive her!

A slick burgundy BMW pulled up close to the back door and Robin stepped out of the passenger side when it had fully stopped. She waved me over and I joined her and the driver, who I now realized was Steve when he slipped out of his side of the car.

"Good morning there, Violet," Steve said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

He looked nice, dressed in an emerald green knit pullover, with a plaid layered underneath, and pressed khakis. Some Nike Cortez's and black RayBan Wayfarer sunglasses completed his look. I appreciated his classic personal style as I walked closer to him and Robin.

Steve continued, " oh, I love you already. Bringing me a coffee?"

"Actually," I started, slowly passing the styrofoam cup to Robin. "This is for Robin. I didn't know you were working today, or I would have brought you one. Sorry!"

"Ooh, this is really good, too. You're missing out, Stevie boy," Robin joked as she sipped her iced latte. "And you got me a mocha? These are my favorite! How did you know my coffee order already?"

"Just guessed. It's what I usually get too, so I figured you'd like it," I said with a smile. "You ready to head inside?"

"Yes! Just let me grab my vest from the car. I left it in the backseat, I think," Robin said as she walked back to the car.

"She's something else," Steve said as he shook his head, smiled, and crossed his arms. "You ready for day two at the fun and fabulous Family Video?"

"Hah, yes Steve," I answered and took a sip from my delicious coffee. "How are you off until Thursday? You playin' hooky?"

"No, Keith needed extra shifts so I gave him some of mine," he said as he leaned against the half wall behind him. "Good luck with him. He's boring as shit."

"Yeah, Robin said basically the same thing yesterday," I said. "Not as rudely as you but-"

"Hey!" Steve protested but quickly relented. "Fair enough, but he is a bland, bland dude. You'll see."

Robin came back around the car after a minute, uniform vest in hand, and said her goodbyes to Steve.

"And I'm off at 4 today. Please don't be over an hour late like last week," Robin reminded him before he stepped back into his car.

"Last week wasn't exactly my fault, Robin," Steve playfully snapped.

"Oh I forgot, it was Katie Thompson's fault then, or whatever flavor of the week it was," Robin retorted.

"Goodbye, Robin. See you at eight!" Steve joked, waved, and closed the door behind him.

Steve pulled off quickly and I walked toward the store with Robin. Steve seemed like he was in a mood today so I was glad that he wasn't working. I also just wanted to talk to Robin without them bickering all day, even though it was quite entertaining.

"So, does he drive you every day?" I asked Robin as she unlocked the door.

I was still waiting on my own set of keys from Paul, the guy who had been previously running the store. He said that he'd be by today to drop them off, so I was looking forward to meeting him.

"Pretty much," Robin said as she held the door open for me, while I stepped inside and started turning the lights on. "Unless I ride my bike or he's with someone, he drives me."

"Oh, so you two don't live together?" I asked, still unsure of the relationship between them.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no," Robin laughed as she set her stuff into her locker. "Steve and I friends. Strictly platonic. Nothing more, ever. No."

"Sorry, I just- I didn't mean to overstep. I didn't know," I said, feeling bad that I had pried.

"Here, use locker 18. Right next to mine," Robin said, handing me a purple-colored padlock. "And it's fine, really! Everybody asks about me and Steve, so I don't mind. We're just super close. Like I kinda said before, we've um, we've all been through a lot together."

"I didn't know what to say back to that yesterday, to be honest. I know about some of that..." I started, unsure of how to finish.

I paused for a moment, thinking, before I continued, "my cousin is Max. Max Mayfield. I wanted to say something when I started realizing who you guys were but I was kind of overwhelmed by the day."

"Oh! No shit!" Robin exclaimed, slamming her locker closed. "Max, really? Oh, I love her! I knew her cousin was coming into town I just- I didn't realize that that was you. Wow. She didn't mention anything about you owning the video store..."

"I'm not sure if her mom told her," I answered. "My grandparents who owned this place were on my dad's side. That's why I don't have the same last name as Max. Her mom kept her last name from her first marriage. Our moms are sisters and don't exactly get along."

"Oh, yep. Say no more. I'm sorry about that, by the way. When we heard that they died, we wanted to reach out to your family but didn't have a phone number to call," Robin said as we walked into the main part of the store. "Sorry, now I'm the one digging into your life."

"Robin, it's okay. I promise," I said as we started to open the cash registers. "And thank you by the way. I miss them a lot but I'm trying just to push on. And I'm actually going to call Max from the store today and see if she wants to come in. I'd like to hire her, if that's alright with you. She's such a smart kid and I'd love to have her here, close to me."

"You're the boss!" Robin said with a smile. "And I know Max would love it here. Well, she'd tolerate it."

"I know, I just-" I started. "I feel weird about that, by the way. I've never been 'in charge' before. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing."

"We can figure it out together," Robin said. "Okay, well, Keith will be in at noon. Paul should be in around then, if he bothers showing up. He's been pretty flaky lately but he needs to bring you your keys. They can close the store on their own, so you can come hang out at Steve's after our shift. If you want to, that is. I don't want to assume anything..."

"I'd love to, Robin," I said, softly smiling at my new friend. "Now, let's open the store, check the late returns box, and start organizing anything that Steve might've missed last night."

I walked over to the front door, unlocked it, and went to check the box that customers used to return their tapes when the store was closed. There were only two movies in the bin, but we needed to get them checked back into our system as soon as possible.

"Yeah, Steve's not always the greatest worker but he brings in a lot of girls and actually gives good recommendations to the customers," Robin said, her cheeks starting to flush a little.

"Girls?" I asked, intrigued by her statement. "What do you mean? Like, hot girls?"

Robin gulped before she answered, fiddling with the returns that I handed her when I reached the front desk, "so hot..." Her fingers trailed on mine as she grabbed the tapes.

She cleared her throat and then continued, "yeah, I mean, objectively they're pretty hot."

"Good," I answered, starting to organize the returns by genre. "That will make the shifts a lot easier to get through. A little eye-candy could make the day pass faster."

"You?" Robin asked hesitantly, not wanting to blatantly ask me if I liked girls, but I knew what she meant.

"You?" I asked as I nodded, repeating her question. 

Robin blushed and looked down at the floor. She nodded and flicked her eyes back up to mine as I stood across the counter from her.

I answered her earlier question, "well, I like guys and I like girls. I don't really have a preference, I guess. I like who I like. I didn't know there was going to be anyone else like me in Hawkins." I smiled at Robin and she did the same back to me.

"There are a few," she said. "My girlfriend Vickie and I know a few bars in the next town where everyone is like us. We should go together one night! Steve loves to go too. He tries to hit on all of the queer girls. It's too funny."

"Wow," I said, trailing off.

"What?" Robin said, her brow furrowing.

"I just-" I started. "I just wasn't sure how coming here was going to go and I feel like I've found my new best friends. That's all."

"I feel the same way about you," Robin said as our nice moment was interrupted by the front door chiming and swinging open.

I whipped around and had to catch my breath when I saw Eddie standing in the doorway of the store. He was with one of the kids from last night, the one with the curly hair and charming gap in his teeth, Henderson, I think, and they both made their way over to the counter. Eddie's eyes darkened when he looked my way.

Here we go again... What the hell is he doing here? He just rented five movies last night. Who is the one stalking whom, here? Really, Eddie...

I crossed my arms and leaned up against the counter while I waited for him to approach. My heart was racing a little and I nervously twiddled with my necklace as I kept my eyes locked on Eddie.

Why do I feel like this? What is it about him? Oh god, I've been here one day and I'm already invested in this place... Am I really ready for all of this?

•••

A/N: Thanks for reading the first chapter of my Eddie Munson // Stranger Things inspired fan-fiction, 'Home To Hawkins'. I love the world of Stranger Things, and obviously Eddie, and have been planning this story of Eddie and my original character, Violet, for a long time.

•••

I give sort of a style description for Violet, but I want you to be able to picture yourself as her. She definitely had a personality if her own, as you will soon get to know, but I hope that you can all find yourselves in parts of her.

•••

I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and keep reading! I have a LOT planned for this story. xx

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

Music for the Soul

Summary: Soulmate AU where the song your soulmate is thinking of gets stuck in your head. 

This fic is inspired by and gifted to @yellowpaintpots.

Notes:  canonical, this is S2 E6 and a little beyond but it’s not exactly like the show obviously.

AO3

Kurt Hummel was used to not fitting in. At McKinley High, he was often an odd man out. He did partner projects alone, he held his tongue around bullies and had no one to complain to, and most days, he had an entire lunch table to himself. No one sat with the kid in weird, homemade clothes unless there was no other choice. 

What kept him going was music. He had one earbud in as he walked down the halls. Choosing from playlists his mother used to listen to, Broadway soundtracks sung by people still performing on stage today, and to the thrill of his father, rock classics. If Burt Hummel had passed anything onto his son, it was his music tastes and the fantastical idea of soulmates. 

The image of a white knight coming to save him by serenade was one that haunted him before he fell asleep. A boy, which little eleven-year-old Kurt held close to his heart, picked out by the universe meant just for him. Even when he started to find the fantasy a little too cheesy, it kept Kurt going until he found the glee club.

No one could touch him or change him because there was someone out there who would love him exactly the way he was. 

The New Directions were a hot mess when they started, of course. The 5 of them weren’t winning any competitions when they first found themselves in the choir room but they were five misfits who finally had friends. People who understood the passion of music and an adult who shared that same passion and would hopefully guide them to their dream futures. 

Just months later, they became a mixture of a dozen sophomores and freshmen with a Sectionals win under their belt all ready to face the Dalton Academy Warblers in a few weeks. With Regionals looming over them, glee had become much messier than usual. With plenty of in-fighting about solos and song choices, the choir room was always a jumbled, loud mess. That is until Mr. Schue came up with the idea for a school musical. It was taking their minds off of Regionals for the time being.

Kurt was all too happy to be auditioning for a role instead of sitting in the back row wishing he had a shot at a solo. His voice was too unique for Ohio. But someday, he knew, it would get him to Broadway. He held that thought close to his heart while tuning out Rachel’s insistence bickering.  

Yesterday, Mr. Schue had decided their school musical was going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kurt loved cult classics as much as the next person but he wasn’t sure how Mr. Schue had gotten this approved by Figgins. It seemed too risqué for high schoolers. 

He only hoped whoever his soulmate was enjoying the soundtrack he had stuck in his head this week. 

Kurt planned on auditioning for Riff Raff. Already putting mental outfits from his closet to wear. The wound of Mr. Schue assuming he’d play Frank N. Furter based solely on the fact that he was gay was still fresh but his audition was going to blow everyone away. 

He had chosen “Dammit Janet” for his audition despite it being a Brad and Janet duet. Quinn, who was hoping for Magenta, was going to be his partner. They had joked about the main roles already being off the table before auditions; it was clear Mr. Schue had chosen Finn and Rachel for the leads. It was hard to be upset when Quinn had instantly offered to do a joint audition with him. Their voices went so well together and Kurt liked spending time with her. 

Ever since Kurt and Mercedes had their stint as Cheerios, they had gotten closer. The three of them even had a weekend sleepover this past Saturday. Mercedes had dumped the Cheerios but Kurt stayed on and Quinn had just gotten back on the squad after her dismissal last year. Coach Sue had them sing during practice last week and Quinn was waiting for him after their showers with the suggestion of a double audition song. 

They had been having rehearsals in the auditorium during their shared free period and twice after glee club on days when it wasn’t already reserved. As the day came closer, Quinn offered her house to practice in since her parents were rarely home and so Finn wouldn’t become Rachel's spy. Though, Kurt assured her Finn was much too engrossed in video games to bother with their rehearsals. 

Since they increased their run-throughs, Kurt’s had one song in his head all morning. In case the lyrics weren’t already ingrained into his head, he had his own little concert in his head. Just after lunch, that changed. A mere 3 hours until his audition after school his soulmate’s music had taken root. As much as Kurt was willing to bow down to the queens of pop, what he wouldn’t give for 5 minutes of something other than Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”. This bubble gum pop song had gone from ‘oh, that’s a good song to scream in the car’ to ‘if I hear it one more time, I’ll rip my ears off’ fairly quickly. 

It hadn’t helped that his brain went from one song on repeat to another. 

As he sits in geometry, he tries to hear Mr. Finnegan’s explanation of arcs but his brain has other plans. 

Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans. 

Kurt knows it’s just a song but the image is so clear in his head. 

Smooth, soft skin. Obviously, someone who used lotions regularly, Kurt expected nothing less from his soulmate. Neatly trimmed fingernails so they wouldn’t catch on Kurt’s pants when fingers trailed up to cup his knee. The grip would be teasingly light. He never let his fantasies get too far. Especially outside the privacy of his bedroom. In all honesty, even when he was alone in his bed at night envisioning the same kind of scenario, Kurt didn’t really know what came next. He wasn’t even sure what kissing really entailed. 

What if his soulmate is ready for...certain things...Kurt’s not even to verbalize yet. What if he’s imagining their first meeting very differently then Kurt, who’s hopeful they’ll have coffee or a meal together before they do anything besides maybe hand-holding. The touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets, unless you ask Katy Perry it seems. 

He spends the rest of math wondering what the boy with Katy Perry in his head must look like. Kurt wonders if his soulmate wears bright colors like his idol or maybe Katy is a secret shame that he’ll only share with Kurt. 

…

Blaine liked fitting in. He enjoyed the uniform for many reasons. One, he thought the blazer looked stylish. It was also nice knowing what you had to wear every day, one less thing to worry about people judging you for. Plenty of people at his old school picked on him for his bow ties but at Dalton, everyone had neckwear. The standard blue and red striped tie. He liked how neat it was; there was a certain way to wear said uniform. 

Everyone was the same here. No typical hierarchy of jocks and cheerleaders. Only the Warblers stood out simply because everyone knew them. 

How could you forget a group of boys singing acapella at all hours of the day?

 Blaine might joke that they’re teenage rockstars but really they are just a group of talented guys who liked to sing. 

The Warblers were the first real friends he ever had. 

When he was still attending public school he held tightly to the idea of his soulmate since it seemed hopeless to wish for friendship. Not when he was being harassed for a sexuality he wasn’t sure of yet and being pushed to the ground in the parking lot for it. 

But a soulmate was a guarantee. Everyone had one. By the time Blaine reached eighth grade, he knew. All of those middle school bullies had used words Blaine didn’t quite understand until that moment. 

He was surrounded in the parking lot after school having missed his bus because someone had stuck gum in his curls during last period. That was the day Blaine started to seriously consider investing in some gel. Maybe that would prevent some bullying. Anyway, he was surrounded, being literally kicked around by a group of soccer players and friends. 

Other students had gathered to watch the so-called fight but Blaine thought their chants would only grab the attention of a teacher or so he hoped. No one came quickly. He had enough injuries by the end for his mom to insist on a trip to the ER. A big black eye and sprained his wrist along with plenty of bruising on his limbs. 

But he honestly didn’t remember getting hurt beyond the initial pushing to the ground. When the bullying got bad like this he pulled out those daydreams. This time around it wasn’t this blurry image of hand holding, there was a boy. Blaine hadn’t seen his face but his voice was soft and comforting, inviting Blaine in. There was an outstretched hand just out of reach for Blaine to take. Blaine knew then. His soulmate was a boy. 

When everything was over and he was being released by the doctor, all he knew was there was some boy built perfectly for Blaine just waiting to be found. Waiting for him. 

He hadn’t even been upset by his injuries because he was sitting with these thoughts of ‘how do I come out to my parents?’ 

Instead of deciding that day, he kept those daydreams close to his heart for the next year and a half. Until the issue of high school came out and Blaine didn’t want to go back to public school. To his surprise, both of his parents took it well. They were more concerned for his safety than his sexuality. Together, they decided on Dalton. A private school with a zero tolerance policy for bullies. That was that. 

He still had his doubts at Dalton. Was he really good enough to be a lead soloist let alone go onto Broadway someday? Could he make it out of Ohio? In those moments, Blaine still came back to his soulmate. Someone, no matter what came, Blaine would have by his side. 

When he imagined his soulmate, Blaine could never truly figure out what he’d look like. All he saw was that outstretched hand. Usually, people could draw up a picture in their heads based on the music they heard. 

For Blaine, the genre of music didn’t help. His soulmate was clearly someone with mixed taste. 

Today’s selection was...a musical. Blaine wasn’t familiar with the characters Brad and Janet but he had looked it up at lunch. Some kind of cult classic people went to see in the weeks leading up to Halloween. It was October so it made sense for the soundtrack to be stuck in his soulmate’s head. Blaine wondered if he had gone to see it, wondered who he saw it with. 

The Warblers thought he was crazy. Imagining that his soulmate was off with some other person. It was rare to date seriously before meeting a soulmate but Blaine always told them the same story of his parents. Both of them had been in very serious relationships before they met. Hell, his mother had been engaged. Neither of them thought they’d meet their soulmate, which was also fairly rare but had happened.  

When they met, they didn’t drop everything to be together. The wedding was put on hold but his father hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend right away. His parents wanted to be together only if they agreed with the universe’s choice. 

Blaine knew his dad had been wary of his mother’s music taste. Pam had been deep into her metal phrase in her early twenties. His dad, Robert, was not a fan. He loved classical music. Forever dooming Pam to hum music without lyrics meanwhile Robert was cursed with “nonsense yelling” as he called it. Lucky, both of their music tastes had shifted over the years to have more overlap. Though, Blaine and Cooper had been subjected to dinners with a mixtape of Def Leppard and Bach. 

They got together in the end, which was the important part, but what if they hadn’t chosen each other? What if Blaine’s soulmate was deeply in love with someone else and he’d spend the rest of his days loveless and alone?

When he voiced these thoughts aloud, his friends usually told him what a downer he could be, which tended to shake those fears away. If his parents, different as they were, still fell in love it would happen to him too. It was just a matter of when. 

…

The next day at lunch, Mercedes was fretting over her soulmate. 

“What if he’s super young, Kurt?” 

“What makes you think that?” He asked, stabbing his salad. 

“He’s got The Backyardigans theme song in his head again,” she sighed. “He got to be like 7. I’m just not comfortable with that.” 

“It’s an age gap for sure,” Kurt agreed, but he’s fairly sure Sam Evans was singing that song after PE today, “or maybe he just has younger siblings. Don’t let your only-childness cloud your judgment.”

She hummed in agreement and pushed her tater tots around. 

It was sort of a hard way to figure out your soulmate unless they were obvious about what music they had playing in their heads.

Some people, like Mr. Schue, we’re pretty obvious. He had been singing in the auditorium when Ms. Pillsbury found him. It was a pretty clear-cut match. As far as Mercedes was concerned, Kurt is sure she’ll overhear Sam’s humming soon enough. 

He doesn’t want to spoil anything for his best friend nor does he want to be wrong. Soulmate meetings only come once in a lifetime. 

Well, the first soulmate meeting that is. 

There are plenty of people, like his dad, who lose a soulmate too soon and are gifted another one later in life. Kurt was so happy when he introduced Burt and Carole at parent-teacher conferences. They had just been listening to the Wicked soundtrack in the car ride over and Carole Hudson did not strike Kurt as the type of person who knew “I’m Not That Girl” by heart. 

“Are you nervous about auditions?” Mercedes asked. “The list goes up today after glee.” 

“Not at all like,” he shrugged, “I think Quinn and I did well.” 

“Oh no, Kurt, we crushed it,” Quinn said, sitting down with her lunch. 

He smiled at her. Quinn went on to compliment Mercedes on her audition, having heard part of it from outside the audition. She would’ve been inside with Kurt to watch but Coach Sue wanted to meet with her head Cheerio about their upcoming competition. From what Quinn had told them via text, Sue was going all out at practice today. 

“She doesn’t want us to be late,” Quinn said. “That list better be up right away.” 

“We should change before glee,” Kurt suggested. 

“Good idea.” 

Once Quinn had sat down the rest of the New Directions filed in. With interlocking pinkies, Santana and Brittany wandered over taking the last two seats available. 

“Cheerios practice is gonna be hell, hope you’re up for the challenge Hummel,” Santana said. 

He shot her a short glare. 

“Kurt always understands the assignment, Santana,” Quinn quipped back. 

Brittany nodded in agreement smiling at Kurt from across the table. She gave him a small wave half hidden by her lunch tray. In return, Kurt waved back just as shyly. 

They had an interesting friendship. Kurt had kissed Brittany before. He was sure it hadn’t phrased Brittany as it had him. After all, she had kissed almost every boy in school. Some kind of record, he thought. 

They sort of dated for like a week when Kurt was trying to convince himself he was straight. When he firmly realized he was kidding no one, not even himself, they broke up. Since then, he and Brittany had remained close. They were both Cheerios and in the glee club, it made sense. 

He was happy to have Brittany in his life, even if that meant Santana by extension came with her. Santana was fine outside of the public eye. If the Unholy Trinity incited Kurt to their sleepovers, Santana was a different person. She put up a front at McKinley, extremely similar to the one Kurt attempted when he dated Brittany. 

Few are privy to why she did this, Quinn and Kurt knew and he was fairly certain Mercedes did as well. She was very perceptive that way. Brittany was Santana’s soulmate. It explained so much about their relationship. Always in sync, completing each other perfectly, a literal better half.

Honestly, it gave Kurt so much hope that everyone’s soulmate was like that. A missing puzzle piece. 

He really hoped his soulmate listened to more than just Teenage Dream because the lyrics were slowly creeping into his everyday language. 

Usually, Kurt found himself hyper-focused in glee club. He got an energy boost just from walking into the choir room. Like a light switch turning on. His focus wasn’t always on whatever lecture Mr. Schue was pursuing, sometimes he watched his fellow glee clubbers (catching himself up on drama just by sideways glances), or mentally mapping out his next performance. 

Today, Kurt wasn’t able to do any of those things. With the soundtrack of Teenage Dream (again) in his head, all he was thinking about was the center of a bulletin board with the cast list for The Rocky Horror Show on it. How far down the list was Riff Raff? How many names came before his?

Someone was snapping in front of his face. Kurt shook himself from his daydream to find Mercedes.

“Boy, wake up!” She said, “cast list is about to go up.” 

Either glee club had gotten shorter or Mr. Schue was putting it up early. 

…

Blaine didn’t really understand why the Warblers were concerned. Doing an improv performance was not new to them. In fact, Blaine had done three already this school year and he was only a freshman. 

The first one he did had been way back in September, he hadn’t even been an official Warbler yet. Warbler Tradition said: all potential freshman recruits were required to perform again after their auditions with the whole group. It was a solid way to see if they fit in well with the other established Warblers. Blaine fondly remembers vibing along with the older Warblers and fellow potentials to a medley of Pink songs. None of the freshmen had solos but it was still a fun time. 

At the time it seemed like all of Dalton fit into the choir room and surrounding hallways but in reality it was the entire freshman class. Improv performances weren’t something any middle schooler had seen before but the upperclassmen of Dalton knew the Warblers had plenty of improvs to come for the rest of the school year. The first one was special. Just for the newbies. 

Three days after that performance, Blaine had gotten word that he was to be a new Warbler and two months after that he was granted his first solo. Now, he was slowly becoming their go-to soloist for almost every performance for an audience. Blaine had become a vital part of all rehearsals for the most part. He was honored by their commitment to him honestly and he loved to sing however, a week and half of preparations was a tad excessive. Still, he walked his way to rehearsal positive that the council would have at least five points to discuss before they actually started singing. 

He walked into the choir room shaking his shake fondly and smiling at the Warblers already present. 

The council were always first to arrive. Together. Then it was a mixed bag of who followed. Usually Trent was there, punctual as always, and Blaine took the seat between Trent and Jeff. 

The room was mostly full already. 

Nick came in shortly after Blaine and sat across from him immediately asking if there had been a pop quiz in Stanton’s class earlier and was rather relieved to find out Jeremy was a filthy liar, who liked to start trouble. Before Jeremy could get on Blaine’s case about being overly sincere, the meeting began. 

Wes banged his gavel and welcomed everyone before gesturing for David to read off last meeting’s notes. Once the talking portion of the meeting was over, they pushed the furniture aside to make room. 

...

A week later Kurt was happy to have one musical under his belt but thankful the performance run had been short. If you thought the New Directions were dramatic during competition weeks, it was nothing compared to their musical rehearsals. 

Now, Mr. Schue was having the brilliant idea to host a boys vs girls competition. Of course, Kurt hadn’t wanted to work with the boys. They were sure to exclude his musical talents and he doubted he could get them to agree to any of his costume suggestions. 

This was hardly a challenge. It was bland and they had done it already. 

Kurt was sitting in the back of the choir room pouting. Yes, pouting. Full on arms crossed, head down, and bottom lip puffed out. Until, Mr. Schue had an actual brilliant idea, Kurt’s suggestion of course, to spice things up. 

The boys did not appreciate Kurt’s six hours of work putting two posters together. Even with the assignment to bring more feminine qualities into their performance, the boys ignored his input. So, when Puckerman suggested Kurt spy on the Warblers, he was thankful for a reason to leave. He packed up his projects and headed home to change.

When Mr. Schue found out who their competition was, Rachel and Kurt did some googling. He had seen the all-boys school uniform and was fairly sure he could replicate it with clothes he already had. 

He pulled some looks from his closet. Once satisfied he looked up directions to Westerville. 

Dalton was huge. It looked like a museum. How on earth was Kurt going to find their choir room? He hoped there were signs inside or a map. 

As he walked down a spiral staircase much too pretty to be in a school, he decided to just ask for directions. He was going to get lost if he kept walking without help. 

When the boy he stopped turned around, all Kurt could think was ‘I’d love to put my hands all over you.’ Which was a ridiculous thought to have because he didn’t know this boy and where had that even come from? Oh right, Teenage Dream was still playing in his head. Thanks, Katy. 

If only his soulmate knew he was using this song to fantasize about running off into the sunset with another boy. 

…

Blaine loved being in the spotlight. Wes would say it was because he didn’t get that kind of attention from his parents but that simply wasn’t true. Well, unless Cooper was around; he always pulled focus when it came to their parents. Older sibling privilege, he assumed. 

But he was running late. He stayed behind in class to ask a question which turned into his teacher rambling. Didn’t he know the Warblers had a performance today in the senior commons and Blaine was their lead singer? 

He was checking the time when someone stopped him on the stairs. 

A beautiful boy. Unlike anyone Blaine had ever seen before. He almost missed his name because he was caught up in memorizing his face. 

There was something said about being new, which Blaine doubted since he wasn’t in uniform, and Blaine mentioned a shortcut he knew of. 

It wasn’t really a shortcut. More like the long way to the Senior Commons but less crowded. Everyone was making their way to the Warblers and Blaine wanted as much time alone with Kurt as he could get. 

He wanted Kurt’s full attention. It was no wonder he instantly wanted to show off. Teenage Dream fit his vocals perfectly and Kurt was an excellent audience. In fact, Blaine was set on serenading him. 

He had no way of knowing that exact song had been playing all day long in Kurt Hummel’s mind. 

Afterward, Blaine lost himself in a group hug from the Warblers but Kurt’s beaming smile caught his eye. He pulled Wes and David aside, confirming his own suspicions that Kurt was spying on them first before convincing them to invite Kurt for coffee. 

The four boys sat at a table. Kurt seemed very nervous now. Blaine wasn’t sure if it was because he had been caught or something else was going on. In the end, Blaine thought it best for just him and Kurt to have a conversation. Not at all because he wanted alone time with him. 

This clearly wasn’t the time or place for romance. 

Once they were alone the whole tale seemed to flow out of Kurt: the name calling, locker shoving, his biggest bully. Blaine could relate. 

Sometimes he felt phantom pains in his right leg from Sadie Hawkins. At first, Kurt scoffed when Blaine began sympathizing. If he were Kurt, he might not believe himself. 

Private schoolboy bullied? Blaine sure didn’t look like someone who lacked friends. It was fairly common knowledge that Dalton had a zero tolerance policy for harassment. So, he explained. As brief as he could about his own experience with public school bullies. 

Kurt and he seemed to have more in common than a love for music. 

He doesn't have any plans to see Kurt again though Blaine has plenty of ideas on how they could get together. Coffee at the Lima Bean. Old musicals were playing at the revival theater. Maybe another high school was putting on a play this weekend. All Blaine needed was a good enough message to ask Kurt out. He drafted plenty but none sent. 

After school, Blaine knew Kurt might need an extra push. He was pretty sure classes at McKinley were done for the day. 

He sent a single word. Less second-guessing that way. 

Courage. 

Then, he walked to the library to start writing an essay on Lord of the Flies for English. 

However, he found himself unable to concentrate. Usually after a performance, Blaine had the song stuck in his head for at least a day or two afterward. In addition to humming in the weeks of rehearsals, of course. Instead, Blaine found himself thinking about Start Me Up by the Rolling Stones and oddly Livin’ On a Prayer. Both songs he thought better suited his father or Cooper’s tastes. It was a mashup of the two songs like his soulmate was hearing them simultaneously. 

When he started thinking about his soulmate, there was a clear picture of someone. It didn’t take long for Blaine to bring up those blue eyes and the soft complexion of Kurt Hummel. Which was crazy thinking. He had no idea if Kurt was his soulmate. 

Soulmates tended to be around the same age but just because Kurt was also in high school meant nothing. By that logic anyone at Dalton could be his soulmate too. 

During his brief time with Kurt this week, Blaine heard no music from his mouth. In fact, Blaine had done all the singing. Even with half his brain saying he was nuts to think Kurt was his forever, Blaine couldn’t let the thought go. 

…

Blaine’s text comes in in the midst of the girls’ performance. A wonderful mashup and excellent costumes. Tina had texted Kurt about the leather jacket idea early this week. He was very proud of how they managed to pull the looks together in such a short time. It was impressive. 

Altogether, Kurt was feeling great. The boys had their rehearsal, apparently their performance was turning into an apology. Kurt wasn’t sure what they had done to Coach Beiste but apparently, she was quitting. He and Blaine were texting periodically now. No one knew it but Kurt was surely developing a huge crush on the Warbler boy. 

Then, he confronted Karofsky. He didn’t want to feel the same regret Blaine did—no one messes with the Hummels. 

It seemed like mere hours but in reality, it was days, Kurt was enrolled at Dalton and saying goodbye to the New Directions. 

He was full on having a Vanessa leaving Troy moment here. Kurt Hummel has got to go his own way. 

God was he nervous to start at a new school. In the middle of the school year too. Being the new kid was going to be hard but not as difficult as staying at McKinley would be. 

When Kurt was greeted by Blaine’s smile outside the office on his first day, it made Kurt relax. At least he already had a friend here. 

It isn’t until they’re walking down the hall together—Blaine insisted on escorting Kurt to his first class—that Kurt noticed Blaine was humming.

“Is that High School Musical?” Kurt asked. 

“Oh, um, technically it’s the sequel.” 

“What about us…” Blaine sang, “what about everything we’ve been through?” 

“What about trust…you know I’ve never wanted to hurt you?” 

Blaine chucked. “Cheesy but true. Such a good movie.” 

“We should watch it sometime,” Kurt suggested. 

Instantly, he wanted to take it back. He’s been told he can come on too strong. Especially around cute boys. 

“I’d love too!” Blaine said. “I have it on DVD.” 

Kurt doesn’t see Blaine again until their one shared class of the day right before lunch. He sits across the room from Blaine during history but next to him at the Warbler’s lunch table. 

Most of the group has the same lunch so Kurt is introduced to them before his audition later this afternoon. 

“Nervous?” Wes asked, “you shouldn’t be.” 

“Yeah, from what Blaine's told us you're a great singer,” Trent added. 

“He’s barely heard me sing,” Kurt replied, poking Blaine’s arm. 

He only sang one line of a song to the other boy today. 

“Well…” Blaine rubs his neck abashedly. “I might’ve watched some New Directions videos on YouTube.” 

“Oh, I forgot Rachel uploaded those.” Kurt tunes to the other Warblers then, “I hope I don’t disappoint.” 

After lunch, Blaine walks Kurt to class again. “Between you and me, you’re a shoo-in.” 

“Really?” The Warblers were such an esteemed group. Not at all like the disorganized New Directions. They had also been a glee club for far longer. 

“Really.” 

***

Blaine has had High School Musical songs in his head all day. Whoever his soulmate is, at least he’s got good taste in Disney Channel original movies. Then as the Warblers were preparing for Kurt’s audition, the song switched. An Evita song. 

His soulmate sure did love musicals. Blaine was rather happy about that. He could already picture them sitting on the couch cuddled under a fluffy blanket with any number of classic musicals laid out before them. Arguing over if it was too soon to rewatch Moulin Rouge and whose turn it was to make popcorn. 

They’d be in a big city apartment. Somewhere where no one cared if they were gay. All anyone wanted to know was how they discovered they were soulmates. Their origin story. 

From that point, the daydream grew fuzzy. Blaine couldn’t come up with that meet-cute story. It hadn’t happened yet and nothing his brain could come up with would ever match up with his future reality. 

He shook his head, bringing himself back to the choir room. 

The room was buzzing with excitement. It wasn’t every day the Warblers auditioned someone mid-semester. Of course, Kurt had special circumstances but the group was notorious for never breaking tradition. 

Blaine tried to focus but it was difficult without Kurt at his side. Lately, he had been distracted whenever Kurt wasn’t around. All Blaine could hear, despite the loud room, was the song in his head. 

I had to let it happen

I had to change

Then, Kurt walked in and music started to play. For a split second, Blaine thought he was imagining the words from “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” coming from Kurt’s lips. Surely he hadn’t chosen the same song as Blaine’s soulmate had in their head. He knew it couldn’t be his imagination when Trent leaned over and whispered to Blaine how much he loved this song. 

Like lightning striking a tree, Blaine had a realization. Kurt Hummel was his soulmate. 

Oh god, what was he going to do? 

His skin was burning as if it was burned away like bark. He drooped in his seat desperate for water to put himself out with. To put a stop to the tingling sensation bubbling up under his skin. 

All he wanted to do was reach out and touch Kurt. Some part of his brain was able to override that thought. He couldn’t ruin this audition for him. There was plenty of time to spend with Kurt after this, Blaine had all the time in the world to talk with his soulmate.

Soulmate.  

Never did he think he would find his soulmate this soon. Gosh, they were only teenagers. They had so much life to live together. This was rare, special, to find your soulmate so quickly in life. Blaine would cherish it, he’d be thankful for this gift for rest of his days. 

But how in the hell was he going to tell Kurt? It had to be romantic. Blaine always thought it would be when he finally came face to face with his soulmate, his one true love. There was so much work to be done and so little time to do it. Now that Blaine knew, he didn’t want to spend another day without Kurt knowing too. 

He used to dream about running dramatically in slow motion towards each other and embracing just as it started to rain, which of course led to a fabulous first kiss in the sudden storm. But Blaine knew how unlikely that would be. 

He’d just have to build a new fantasy, which he thought would be easy to do if Kurt was his so-called Prince Charming. Whatever happened was going to outweigh everything his imagination had come up with thus far. 

First and foremost, he’d had to sit through a discussion of this audition, which he was barely able to pay attention to. All he wanted to do was walk up to Kurt, cup his face, and kiss him. After Kurt was finished, the council dismissed him. Blaine knew he’d find Kurt just outside the choir room because they had plans afterward but now he had no idea how he was going to sit through coffee with Kurt and not tell him. 

“He’s very good,” Trent said, nudging Blaine. 

He nodded in agreement. It seems most of the group concurred, Kurt was a good fit for them. 

Kurt Hummel was the perfect fit for Blaine too. Even if he didn’t know it yet. 

***

Kurt didn’t consider himself to be a good reader of social cues especially when his own emotions were involved. See, Finn Hudson and Sam Evans. Crushes on straight boys never ended well. With Blaine, he swore things would be different. 

They were friends, classmates, and hopefully, soon they’d be fellow Warblers. Kurt was not going to mess this up. Even if Blaine was really cute and friendly and super kind and understanding. There was so much to love about Blaine, Kurt found it hard to find something he didn’t like. 

He had found focusing on his dislikes of a person kept his feelings at bay. Like how messy Finn could be really shut down any romance fantasy Kurt had drawn up. Except, Blaine didn’t dye his hair like Sam, he was completely organized (Kurt had seen his dorm room; spotless), he was modest and genuine. 

It made sense that everyone at Dalton wanted some of his attention. Blaine embodied Kurt’s idea of a gentleman and then some. 

After his audition, Kurt sat outside the choir room waiting for his results. The council would discuss with the full group, release them, and regroup tomorrow with a vote. Kurt was waiting for Blaine to be dismissed because Blaine had promised to buy him a cup of coffee. 

Some of the Warblers who were leaving had some pretty nice things to say about Kurt’s performance. Just general praise which soothes some of his initial nerves. Mostly, he just wanted Blaine to walk out with a big smile on his face. That boy couldn’t keep a secret. Kurt would know if he was in or not just by looking at his face. 

Kurt was joined on his bench by a boy who introduced himself as Duncan. 

“I was super nervous after my audition. I just got in at the beginning of this year so I know what you’re going through.” 

Kurt felt his shoulders drop in relief. As much as Blaine tried to assure him the audition would be perfect, Kurt felt like he couldn’t relate much as the star of the glee club. Back at McKinley, Kurt rarely had center stage. Here, Blaine always had everyone’s attention. 

“That’s actually great to hear,” Kurt said, with a slight chuckle. 

“Seriously, Kurt, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I’m a little concerned they’ll kick me out just to have your voice,” Duncan teased. 

They keep talking about what it’s like to be a new Warbler since Duncan is positive Kurt will be getting good news shortly. He offers up some pointers to get on the council’s good side. 

“I loved your song choice by the way, so weird because Evita had been in my head all day.” 

It feels like someone’s dropped an ice cube down his back. He sits up quickly. 

Oh, Kurt thought, is this it? 

“You did?” He must’ve heard wrong. There’s just no way. 

“Yeah, I love that musical,” Duncan confirmed. 

Could it be this easy? He wondered. 

“We should hang out again soon,” Duncan told him, “I’d love to get to know you. Newbie Warblers gotta stick together.” 

Kurt gives Duncan his number before the other boy wanders off. Before Kurt can get too deep into any fantasies of his soulmate, wondering if that soulmate has just left him or not, Blaine comes out from the choir room. 

“Hey you,” Blaine greeted with a big smile. 

“Are you allowed to give me any inclination?” 

He shook his head but was still smiling wide which made Kurt feel like good news was in his near future like Duncan had said. Kurt was telling Blaine how long he had practiced the song over the weekend with Rachel and Duncan reassurances when Blaine blurted, “Duncan Samuels?” 

“Yeah, we just met.” 

Should he tell Blaine about them being soulmates or wait until he was sure? 

But Blaine just nodded. Something was clearly bothering his friend. For now, Kurt was going to let it go because he was sure Blaine would come to him if he wanted to talk. He didn’t want to force it out of Blaine. 

Kurt couldn’t even get Finn to talk to him during their warm milk chats at night. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull the information out of Blaine if he tried.

“Anyway,” Kurt said, continuing his previous line of thought, “Rachel has this whole stage setup in her dads’ basement.” 

“I don’t find that hard to believe based on everything you’ve told me about her.” 

After that comment, their coffee date is back on track, Kurt doesn’t bring up his potential soulmate meeting. 

***

Duncan Samuels was his lifelong nemesis. As far as Blaine was considered his life began when he figured out Kurt was his soulmate and if Duncan was going to interfere with that they were now enemies. Since their coffee date yesterday, Blaine hasn’t heard a word about Duncan but he also had yet to see Kurt today. They only had one class together after lunch, which Blaine was on his way to now. 

Kurt saved him a seat and delivered the news. 

“Duncan and I are going for coffee today.” 

Those words were devastating. 

In normal circumstances, Blaine would’ve asked Kurt why he wasn’t going to rehearsal but of course Kurt wasn’t a Warbler…yet. Blaine knew the Warblers were going to announce Kurt’s membership at the end of day, which meant this was the last rehearsal Kurt wouldn’t attend. 

So instead of a calmly said, normal statement, Blaine spent the next minute freaking out. 

Duncan was the worst! He was going to steal Kurt away from him before Blaine ever got the chance. Well okay, the rational side of him thought, Kurt isn’t being stolen he’s going willingly. 

“That’s nice,” he finally said. 

There was no way for Blaine to stop Kurt and honestly no reason to try since Duncan posed no threat to Kurt. He didn’t need a protector. Blaine knew they were soulmates and he’d find a way to tell Kurt later on. At the end of it all, Kurt was his soulmate. He just knew it. 

“Are you free when I get out of rehearsal?” 

“For you?” Kurt asked, “of course, I’ll probably still be in the cafe.” 

“I’ll come find you,” Blaine told him. 

Still, all throughout Warbler rehearsal, Blaine’s attention was elsewhere. He needed to get out of here and meet up with Kurt. Wes knew it too because he pulled him aside at one point while David ushered the guys into a new arrangement.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, “I need you focused for competition.” 

“I will be,” he vowed. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

Blaine looked back at the other boys but they were already harmonizing. 

“It’s Kurt.” 

Wes smiled. “Don’t worry about him. He’s in, I can’t believe we have a countertenor on our team now. We’re going to wipe the floor at regionals.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Wesley. McKinley already knows what a talent Kurt is, he won’t be a surprise to them,” Blaine reminded him. 

“Ah, but they didn’t utilize his talent,” Wes said, “it’ll shock them to see Kurt in the spotlight.” 

Wes patted Blaine’s back and guided him back to the group to finish up rehearsal. 

Blaine couldn’t help but check his phone again before he tuned back into rehearsal. He knew Kurt was getting coffee and that’s why he wasn’t answering his phone. 

One of the best things about Kurt was when you were with him everything else was put aside. Blaine was sure if things got really serious, Kurt would shut his phone off entirely to prove a point. Right now, it was annoying as hell. Blaine needed to see a reassuring text that Kurt wasn’t running off into the sunset with Duncan Samuels. 

What if his phone was turned off because the two of them were standing at the altar? Everyone turns their phones off in church. 

He really really needed to talk to him. Blaine didn’t want to be the type of soulmate that holds onto that information too long. It’s like he’s lying to himself not being with Kurt. 

Once rehearsal was finally over, Blaine rushed over to the on-campus cafe where he knew Kurt would be. He had to be there. 

When Blaine pushed his way through the door, he saw Kurt was sitting alone nursing what looked to be a cup of tea. When Blaine approached him he could tell it was Chamomile. 

“Can I sit?” 

Kurt nodded but didn’t say a word as Blaine hung his bag across the back of the chair and removed his blazer. 

He expected a question about the Warblers, perhaps an inquiry about his status to become one but nothing came. Kurt wasn’t even drinking his tea. 

“What’s wrong? Did Duncan say something to upset you?”

“I’m fine, Blaine,” Kurt said, “Duncan didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me as usual.” 

Blaine didn’t understand. 

“Am I that unlovable?” 

“What?” 

Kurt was the most kind, sincere person he knew and Blaine had only met him a few weeks ago. He was most certainly lovable considering Blaine fell for him in just under 3 weeks 

“I can’t really blame him,” Kurt continued, “it’s not his fault we aren’t soulmates.” 

“You thought he was your soulmate?” 

Maybe telling Kurt wouldn’t be too difficult after all. 

“It’s just he made this comment yesterday that made me think…but of course I got too ahead of myself again and really I should know by now,” Kurt mumbled the last bit, “nothing ever goes to plan.” 

“You can say that again.” 

This cafe wasn’t a romantic candlelit dinner. He didn’t have rose petals to scatter around. There was no champagne to toast. But he had the most important thing. 

Blaine reached across the table to grab Kurt’s hand. “Think of a song.” 

“Why?” 

“Just do it,” Blaine said. 

Kurt’s face was scrunched up in a “I’m confused but I’ll trust you” kind of way. 

As soon as the song hit him, Blaine opened his mouth to sing, “this could be the start of something new…it feels so right to be here with you.”

“How did you—?” 

Blaine smiled at him. “Pick another song.” 

“Your cares and troubles are gone. They'll be no more from now on.”

His mouth opens slightly. 

“Your turn,” Blaine said, “ I want you to sing what comes to mind.” 

Wasn’t the best way to prove they were soulmates to test each other? 

Blaine wanted Kurt to have his own moment of realization even if he engineered it. He didn’t want their “how-did-you-know” story to be him informing Kurt about their connection. Instead, he wanted to tell people about listening to Kurt’s Warbler audition and thinking how odd it was to know the song he was going to sing before it began. Kurt’s story would start with a laugh because he imagined someone other than Blaine as his soulmate the very same day. 

And wasn’t that just so silly of him? 

Rather than have Kurt just sing to him, Blaine harmonized with him. This was the proof. He’d sing everything Kurt could come up with and vice versa. 

“But baby, can't you see there's nothing else for me to do? I'm hopelessly devoted to you.”

“Blaine,” Kurt said. “We’re….”

He nodded. 

Before Blaine even realized it, Kurt was out of his seat leaning towards him, they’re kissing. Kurt’s fingers are curved around his chin and his other hand is tickling the curls at the back of his neck. The tiny wisps of hair that always escape the gel by the late afternoon. 

Blaine would happily keep his curls loose if it meant Kurt would keep his hands in his hair always. Especially, if it meant they’d never stop kissing. 

Eventually, Kurt has to pull away. They’re still close enough to feel each other’s breath. 

“Soulmates,” Blaine whispered. 

It had been quiet while they kissed like everything else in the world just stopped. All the sounds of Dalton came rushing back all at once. The students in the halls, coffee orders being called out, and the shuffling of chairs as people came and went. 

“When did you know?” Kurt asked, sitting down again. 

Blaine pulled his seat around so they were closer and Kurt immediately reached for his hand. 

***

3 months later. 

Blaine hadn’t been upset to lose to McKinley at Regionals. How could he have been when he got to sing with his soulmate in front of a crowd? Their duet was so in sync and the crowd could tell. He doesn’t think he ever received such a loud applause. 

Blaine had wanted to just be in that moment forever—staring into Kurt’s eyes hearing the words in his head just before they were said aloud, gripping his hand before pushing him into the spotlight to soak up the audience’s love. 

No, Blaine was happy about Regionals. The Warblers had worked hard on the set; their second place trophy sat on the right corner of the council’s table at meetings now. What Blaine was concerned about was Kurt’s leaving. 

His dorm room was empty now, the last suitcase zipped up. Blaine was sitting on his boyfriend’s mattress taking in the last moment that Kurt was a Dalton student. 

“I’ll miss you too, you know, a lot,” Kurt said from the doorway. 

“I know,” Blaine replied, “it’s just sad.” 

Kurt took a seat next to him on the bed. 

“I’ll sing to you.” 

Blaine smiled. “Promise?” 

“Everyday.” Kurt kissed his cheek. 

They were going to be okay. 

[kurts-still-here]

They Can See Right Through Me Glee TOT Challenge FanFiction

@celery-elliry @useless-fanfictions @gleethisorthatchallenge

Hi everyone, this is my third fic for the Glee TOT Challenge and the prompt I choose was “Have you been taking take of yourself?”  because it was perfect for angst and I love angst. Hope everyone enjoys and tells me what they thought of it etheir on here, A03 OR FanFiction.Net. Happy reading 🤗🤗😁😁

Archive Of Our Own

FanFiction.Net

The first time the Warblers had seen Kurt was in the dining hall during lunch. They had heard rumors all that week about a new transfer student and were dying to know who it was. Not that they were gossipy or anything but maybe this kid could be another member to their show choir group. They were always looking for new members, they just had to be good enough to get in.

They had been sitting at the designated lunch table for all the Warblers when Sebastian had walked over to them, hand in hand with another boy that they had never seen before. The first thing the group noticed was how cute the boy was. He was very good looking with pale, smooth skin, blue eyes and perfectly styled hair. He held himself upright with confidence but his face told a different story. His eyes were frantic, like he was afraid that someone was going to jump out and attack him at any minute.

The second thing they noticed was how Sebastian and the boy were holding hands and then they thought that maybe the new kid was scared because of Sebastian. Sebastian wasn’t the most… how would you say it… gentle person. Even though he was their friend, Sebastian was arrogant and obnoxious and very straight forward. And his straight forwardness may have scared the new kid off.

“Hi Seb,” Jeff greeted him as Sebastian sat down next to him. He had let go of the new kid’s hand so he just stood there looking very out of place. “Who’s your friend?”

“Oh, this is Kurt,” He informed the group, reaching out his hand so that Kurt would come sit with him. “He’s new here,”

“I’ve heard of you before,” Trent said, excitedly. “You’re from McKinley.”

“Yeah, Kurt Hummel, right?” Thad asked him in which Kurt just slightly nodded his head. “You were apart of the New Directions,”

“That’s right and I’ve persuaded him to try out for the Warblers,” Sebastian beamed proudly. “Isn’t that right babe?” Kurt nodded his head again.

“Oh,” Wes said, raising his eyebrows at the other Warblers when Sebastian’s head was turned. So Kurt was “babe”? It wasn’t that Wes was homophobic or anything, in fact he was bisexual. No, it was just that Sebastian didn’t really seem like boyfriend material to him. He just hoped that Sebastian wouldn’t do anything stupid to break Kurt’s heart.

“That’s amazing,” Jeff exclaimed. “You're amazing Kurt. I watched your cheerleading performance at Nationals on TV last year. You were great,” Kurt just gave him a small smile before looking back to Sebastian.

The Warblers continued talking to one another about various subjects and one by one they subtly noticed how uncomfortable Kurt seemed. He was looking down at his hands, fidgeting with them and he seemed very nervous. They guessed that he was just shy or something like that and didn’t think much about it once they saw him. He would soon learn that they were all nice and trusting and soon they would become great friends.

Sebastian was the only person to confront Kurt. He took one of his hands so that he would stop and realize what he was doing before leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “You seem nervous,”

“I’m fine,” Kurt whispered back, still looking down. “I’m sorry, I’m probably embarrassing you in front of your friends,”

“What no,” Sebastian assured him. “You aren’t embarrassing me. They love you already, I can tell.” Kurt still didn’t seem convinced though so Sebastian continued to hold his hand, comforting him while not drawing any attention to him. Sebastian was more gentle than people gave him credit for.

Kurt was an odd fellow. He wasn’t weird like a nerd or a dork, he was just quiet and shy but sometimes he was too quiet and shy and it made it seem like he had a problem with people or something.

Kurt was an amazing singer. Later that day when the Warblers had met him, Kurt had auditioned for their group singing “I Want To Hold Your Hand” and his performance was outstanding. The emotion he put into his audition gave him a standing ovation and at the end of it he was near to tears. They would’ve been crazy to deny him into joining so they automatically accepted him and gave him Pavarotti, their mascot.

To say Kurt loved the bird was an understatement because Kurt took the bird with him everywhere. The bird’s cage was always on his desk during classes, always next to his bag on the floor at lunch and was always on his table with him when he did his homework. Kurt would take the bird out of his cage and would let him crawl on his finger while the bird sang. Kurt hummed along with him and everyone thought it was really cute.

Kurt didn’t really interact with everyone besides Sebastian and the bird. Sebastian was always holding hands with Kurt, they went everywhere together and the Warblers had never seen him so caring and kind towards another person before, they didn’t even know that it was possible. But then there was the couple, walking down the hallway hand in hand or kissing in the dorm room and it was really sweet. They only wished that Kurt would be more open with them so that they could get to know him better.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t tried to talk to Kurt because they had, it was just that they had given up. They would try to interact with him during the classes they shared or in their shared dorm room after classes but Kurt would just reply to them asking how his day was before returning his attention back to his work. And they knew that Kurt was trying to be rude or anything because he seemed way too sweet to do that but then they just wished that he knew that he could talk to them. It couldn’t be easy to transfer to a new school in the middle of the new semester, leaving all your friends behind and being hours away from your family. It just made them question why Kurt had come to Dalton in the first place.

They assumed that the two things, Kurt not talking to anyone and transferring were connected to each other but how, they didn’t know. So they let Kurt sit with them and they continued to ask how he was doing and if he needed anything in the hopes that he would open up more but he never did.

One day Kurt and Sebastian came to sit down with them at lunch like they usually did everyday when the group noticed something new about Kurt. He never ate anything. He would choose a small salad or a bowl of fruit to eat but would end up just pecking at it like he was Pavarotti. They didn’t really think much of it, just that maybe he had lost his appetite due to being upset about being away from everyone that he knew or that it had something to do with nerves so they didn’t question it or bring it up to Sebastian.

Sebastian however, noticed it and knew the reason behind it and it wasn’t just nerves. Kurt had a slight eating problem. It wasn’t much of a disorder, it was just that when he was under stress Kurt would stop eating. And it appeared to him that Kurt had been stressed for a long time seeing how thin and sickly he looked. You really had to look for it to notice it but Kurt was far too skinny. His uniform looked baggy and loose when he wore it and when he wasn’t in his uniform he wore pajama pants or sweatpants and a t-shirt or a hoodie. And it wasn’t like it was a crime or like it was abnormal for one to wear those pieces of clothing because all the boys wore things like that but the clothes that Kurt wore never fit him right, they were too big. And his facial structure was sharp, a little too sharp and his eyes were sunken in, giving him dark bags under his eyes that he had to cover with makeup. He was adorable to Sebastian but he would admit that Kurt was not the picture of health.

So Sebastian tried to help him. He would remind Kurt subtly to eat something even if it wasn’t much and would try to reduce the amount of stress his boyfriend felt even though his methods rarely ever worked. That day in particular was when David noticed that Kurt’s behavior was something more serious.

He had been conversing with Nick and Wes about potential ideas for group numbers for Regionals when his eyes drifted over to Kurt and Sebastian who were quietly talking to one another. He rarely ever heard Kurt speak which was probably why he was drawn to the scene and why he eavesdropped on their conversation.

Kurt had been staring at a granola bar that Sebastian had placed in front of him like it was poisonous or like it would attack him if he touched it. His eyes were wide and it seemed like he was trying to distance himself from the food as much as possible. Sebastian was sitting right next to Kurt with a comforting, encouraging hand on Kurt’s shoulder, trying to persuade him to eat.

“Come on Kurt,” Sebastian said. “You have to eat something,”

“I’m not hungry,” Kurt whispered back, once again fidgeting with his hands.

“You told me that at breakfast,” Sebastian reminded him and Kurt sighed. “Please, for me. You can do it,”

Kurt shook his head.

“Well can you tell me what’s bothering you then? Why you’re so worried today,”

“It’s nothing,” Kurt told him, his voice breaking a little, “I just miss them and they’re ignoring me,”

“Well what did you do?” Sebastian asked, rubbing Kurt’s back. “Not that you did anything wrong but why would they ignore you? I thought they were your friends,”

“It’s not important,” Kurt said. “I don’t want to talk about it but I’m not hungry,”

“It’s important if it’s bothering you babe. I want to help you. What did they do?”

“I have to go,” Kurt suddenly said, turning around to grab his bag and the bird cage. “Will you come with me?”

“Of course,” Sebastian said, standing up with Kurt and taking his hand. David had met eyes with Sebastian and had raised his eyebrow in a questioning manner as if to ask if Kurt was okay but Sebastian just smiled at him and waved his hand as if to assure David that he was fine. But David knew that he was lying because Kurt wasn’t okay, not if he was so stressed to the point that he was starving himself. So he decided that he would look out for Kurt and that maybe he could find a way to help him out. To find a way to make him feel more at home and welcome at Dalton or to make him feel more calm and relaxed. Kurt was a Warbler now and they were a tight group. They were all friends and they all looked out for each other to make sure they were okay. Kurt wasn’t any different to them.

Kurt had been at Dalton for a month now and it was Regionals. The competition was being held at McKinley and everyone could tell that Kurt was nervous about being at his old school. The reason why, well Sebastian of course was the only one to know of course and of course he didn’t tell them why. Not that the Warblers were trying to get all up in Kurt’s business or anything, it was just that they had started to get closer to the boy and they wanted to know if he was going to be okay.

Kurt was starting to act more comfortable around them. He still didn’t talk much but he seemed to pay attention to the conversations the boys had more instead of being off in his own little world. When he first arrived, all Kurt did was spend time in his dorm room with Sebastian if the rest of the Warblers were in the common room but now he occasionally joined them. Sure he sat away from them and usually did his own thing, homework or writing on a notebook but he seemed to enjoy their company more and that made the Warblers happy.

So after the competition where the Warblers had won they were all standing around outside, talking excitedly to one another about performing at Nationals in New York. They were really proud of themselves and of one another for winning and Wes was lecturing them about how hard they were going to have to work to win and how he was planning on adding extra rehearsals to their schedule so they could practice more. He was ignored for the most part except some teasing about how uptight and serious he was being. They wanted to celebrate, not rehearse.

Unfortunately their celebration was rudely interrupted by a group coming outside and a few of the members shouting.

“KURT HUMMEL,” One girl screamed, running up to the boy and almost knocking him over. She walked towards him while he walked back into a wall and hit his head, hard, against the bricks while the short, brunette pointed her finger into Kurt’s chest. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?”

“Rachel,” A tall boy said, coming up behind her along with a boy with obviously dyed, blonde hair, a boy with a mohawk, a girl with long, black hair and a girl with blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail. The rest of their group consisted of a boy in a wheelchair, another blonde girl with her hair pulled up in a ponytail, a well styled black girl, an Asian girl with blue streaked hair and a tall, skinny Asian boy who were all standing by the door and who looked scared.

“Rachel, come on leave him alone,” The blonde boy said from behind the tall boy. “It’s not his fault we lost,”

“The hell it’s not,” The girl with black hair said. “He probably leaked the setlist to the gay boys from Hogwarts,”

“Kurt wouldn’t do that you guys,” The tall boy told them. “Get off of him Rachel,”

“KURT, YOU KNEW HOW MUCH THIS MEANT TO US, HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO ME AND YOU BEAT US?” The girl named Rachel shouted at him causing Nick, Jeff and Sebastian to come over to the group so they could get Kurt away from the maniac. “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS. I HATE YOU. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD BETRAY US LIKE THAT,”

“Excuse me,” Sebastian said, passively aggressively as he tapped Rachel on her shoulder and pushed past her to get to Kurt. “Would you like to explain to me just as to why you are screaming at my boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” The group sputtered, shocked.

“Please tell me this is a joke,” The girl with long hair said. “I knew you guys did orgies there,”

“How dare you…” Jeff started to say but Nick held him back.

“I’m still waiting,” Sebastian said, pulling Kurt into a hug and noticing that his head was bleeding. “Fuck, you’re bleeding babe. Look what you fucking did you psycho. What the hell is wrong with you people?”

“Um, hi,” The tall boy said, awkwardly as he held out his hand and Sebastian shook it, hesitantly. “I’m Finn, Kurt’s step brother and this is Rachel, Santana, Sam, Puck and Quinn.”

“Hi,” Sebastian said, annoyed. “Now what the hell was that about?”

“He leaked our setlist to your show choir competition team, that’s what this is about,” The girl named Quinn said, her hands on her hips.

“Would you three stop it already,” The boy with the mohawk named Puck yelled. “Princess didn’t tell them okay, he wouldn’t do that. And look what you did Berry, he’s fucking bleeding you diva,”

“Well I’m sorry,” Rachel huffed. “But this is inexcusable. First he ditches us and now he tells all his new team members about our performances. He’s selfish you guys,”

“He is not Rachel,” The boy named Sam said. “You know how bad the bullying was. He couldn’t stay here,”

“Yeah Karofsky threatened to kill him and all you’re thinking about is yourself and a stupid competition that barely even matters,” Finn yelled at her. “You’re the one who’s selfish,”

“Wait what,” Nick asked, questioning as to what everyone was talking about. Who was Karofsky? Bullying? Someone threatened to kill Kurt? But why, he was so sweet and kind? Was it because he was gay? Were these people homophobic? “Come on Jeff, we have to go. Seb can handle it,” Nick said before trying to drag his boyfriend away but Jeff stayed put, wanting to defend Kurt so Nick stayed with him.

“Look I don’t know what’s going on here,” Jeff shouted, making himself known to the group. “But you people are horrible. I don’t even see how Kurtie could consider you people he’s friends. He didn’t leak your setlist okay? We won fair and square and if you can’t handle defeat and be a good sport then you have no business competing in the first place.”

“Oh whatever blondie,” The girl named Santana said, rolling her eyes. “How are we supposed to believe that, we don’t know what you guys talk about when you aren’t having sex with multiple people at a time at Hogwarts although I have a few ideas,”

“Alright that it’s,” Jeff said, pushing his sleeves up and starting to charge towards the girl before Nick and Sebastian held him back. “Let me at her,”

“No boys let him go,” Santana said, pushing up her own sleeves. “I’m about to show him what goes down when you mess with me, Lima Heights style. And it ain’t pretty, prep boy,”

“No, no fighting you guys,” Sam said, stepping in front of Santana to block her. “We’re competitors, not enemies,”

“We’re leaving,” Sebastian said, taking Kurt's hand and wiping the tears that had fallen down his face with his free hand. “Leave him alone, I don’t want you near him. Come on guys, lets go,”

Sebastian took Kurt with him as he walked away from the group, Nick and Jeff following behind him.

“What was that about Kurt?” Sebastian asked him once they had rejoined the Warblers. “I mean, you told me they were assholes but that girl attacked you,”

Kurt didn’t answer Sebastian and instead, cried into his chest and hugged him tightly.

“No hey no don’t cry babe,” Sebastian said, rubbing his back. “You’re okay,”

“Kurtie, you’re bleeding really bad, hon,” Jeff told him. “We need to get you to a doctor,”

“Jeff’s right,” Nick said. “We should take him to the hospital. He might have a concussion,”

“Shit,” Sebastian cursed, pulling Kurt away from him so he could see his face. “Hey Kurt, how do you feel right now? Are you dizzy?”

Kurt shook his head no.

“Do you feel sick?”

Again, Kurt shook his head.

“Does your head hurt at all?” Sebastian asked him.

Kurt nodded his head yes.

“Okay then. Let’s go,” He said, gesturing to the other boys. “We can take my car, let me just tell Wes that we’re leaving,”

So Sebastian told Wes about what happened and Wes wanted to complain to the show choir committee about the lack of sportsmanship the group showed but Sebastian said that they shouldn’t do it until they’ve talked to Kurt about it. Sebastian then left and went to his car where Nick, Jeff and Kurt were already inside waiting for him. Sebastian sighed, getting in the car and driving off, pissed that he was taking his boyfriend to the hospital for a concussion instead of being out and celebrating with his friends.

They got to the hospital and stayed there until around midnight while Kurt got checked out. Turned out he did have a mild concussion and his symptoms got worse as time went on. He had to have paperwork signed so that he could be released from the hospital but his dad was currently in DC so the papers had to be faxed over to him so he could sign them which was why they had stayed so long. And apparently his dad didn’t even care that Kurt had been hurt, nevertheless by people that had claimed to be his friends. He just signed the paperwork over the phone with Kurt and didn’t even ask him how he was feeling. Sebastian figured that not only did Kurt not have a good relationship with his so-called friends but he also didn’t have a good relationship with his family.

The four boys left the hospital and this time Nick drove so that Sebastian could sit with Kurt in the back seat.

“You feeling okay babe?” He asked Kurt who was half asleep at this point. The doctor had told him that it was safe for Kurt to fall asleep at this point but he still was afraid that Kurt would fall asleep and that he wouldn’t wake up so he tried to get Kurt to stay awake until they reached Dalton.

“Yes,” Kurt told him.

“Are you sure?”

“No,”

“You’ll be okay,” Sebastian assured him, pulling him into a hug. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” Kurt told him, snuggling into his chest while Sebastian kissed his forehead.

After the debacle at Regionals the Warblers became even more protective and concerned towards Kurt and they could feel him pulling away from them again. This time they didn’t let him go so easily. They invited him to watch movies with them in their common room or to ask for his opinions on various topics. They just wanted him to feel safe and included and they wanted to assure him that he had real friends, not fake ones like the friends he had at his old school.

So they became particularly concerned when Wes had called a late night Warbler rehearsal after dinner and when Kurt didn’t show up. Sebastian had told the group that Kurt would be a little late getting back to Dalton because he had spent the day in Lima with his dad and step-mom but then Kurt didn’t show up at all and the boys started to worry. Kurt wasn’t answering his phone and had been three hours late. It was getting late and the boys were considering telling the dean about their friend when he finally showed up.

Wes, David, Thad, Trent, Nick, Jeff and Sebastian were all in their dorm room that they shared with one another, conversing about what to do about their missing friend when they heard the door open and saw Kurt walk in the room. To say that the boys were relieved that Kurt had come back and that he wasn’t dead or stranded alone somewhere was an understatement but then they took a closer look and their panic came back.

Kurt was visibly shaking, soaked head to toe since it had been raining that day and had various cuts and bruises on his face. It was hard to tell whether the water on his face was rain or tears but they assumed that it was both. Kurt looked more scared then he usually did and hugged himself tightly as he slid down the door, breaking down into tears. It seemed like the boy hadn't noticed that he wasn’t alone and was surprised when the boys came up to him. Sebastian and Nick bent down in front of him as they both took one of his hands to hold.

“Kurt what happened?” Sebastian asked, trying to figure out whether he was more upset or angry and whether he would stay with Kurt or go and beat up whoever hurt him. “Where were you, we were scared?”

“He’s gonna kill me,” Kurt said, in between sobs. “He found me Seb… I was leaving my dad’s house, walking to my car when he attacked me with his friends and… and I tried to get away, to get my dad or Finn but they had already left and …” Kurt started to say but his voice trailed off before he continued crying.

“Who was it babe?” Sebastian asked, sharing a look with Nick. “Was it Karofsky?”

“Yes,” Kurt whispered. “Please Seb, I don’t want to die,”

“Hey, look at me,” Sebastian said, tilting Kurt’s head up so that they were looking into each other’s eyes. “You aren’t going to die, I promise you. Don’t worry, okay? But you have to tell us what happened so that we can help you. Can you do that?”

“No,” Kurt said, shaking his head and it broke the boys’ hearts to see how scared and vulnerable he was. “I don’t want to die. I can’t tell anyone,”

“Kurt babe,” Sebastian started to say. “You aren’t going to die, I told you that but you have to tell us what happened so that we can make sure it doesn’t happen again. You don’t want it to happen again right?” Kurt nodded his head. “Okay then, so how about we get you cleaned up and into some dry clothes and then you can tell us what happened.”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Kurt begged. “Please don’t tell my dad. All he’ll do is say that I deserved it for not sticking up for myself. Please Seb…”

“We won’t tell him okay?” Sebastian promised him. “Come on,”

He helped Kurt stand up and gave him a hug while Kurt continued to cry and Sebastian faced the Warblers, uncertain of what to do.

“Can someone get me some… I don’t know, band aids?” He asked. “What the fuck am I supposed to use?”

“Well go get some disinfectant and bandages from the nurse’s station,” Wes told him before leaving the room in a hurry with Thad and David.

“Did he really say that his dad was going to defend his attackers?” Trent asked, shocked. “What kind of sick person says something like that?”

“Well they don’t exactly have the best relationship with each other,” Sebastian sniffed. “That’s one of the reasons why he came here, so his dad could get rid of him and so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bullying at his old school,”

“That’s horrible,” Jeff said with tears in his eyes.

“I know,” Sebastian sighed, rubbing Kurt’s back. “I'm gonna help him change. Tell me when Wes comes back,”

Sebastian led Kurt into their room and shut the door before truing around to see Kurt sitting on his bed.

“You’re gonna be fine Kurt,” Sebastian assured him again. “You’re safe now,”

“I’m scared,” Kurt admitted, looking up into Sebastian’s eyes. “And it hurts,”

“What hurts?” Sebastian asked, sitting down next to Kurt on the bed.

“My head, I hit it on the ground.” Kurt explained. “And my wrist,” He said, holding out his arm so that Sebastian could see that his wrist was red and swollen. It was at least sprained. “Someone stomped on it,”

“Oh yeah that does look bad,” Sebastian told him, taking his arm and holding it gently. “But we can wrap it and ice it so it can rest. And at least it’s not the hand you write with right?”

“Right,” Kurt agreed. “I’m sorry Seb. I would’ve called but they broke my phone. I passed out and I guess they eventually left but when I woke up it was already pretty late so I started driving back here but my wrist… and it was far away… and…” Kurt’s voice broke off and he became overwhelmed and started crying again. “I’m so sorry,”

“Kurt you have nothing to be sorry for babe,” Sebastian assured him while bringing him into a hug. “I’m just sorry for not being there.”

“It’s not your fault,” Kurt told him, embracing the hug. “Can I change?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian said, letting Kurt go. “Go ahead,”

Kurt got off the bed and went over to his draw to pick out a pair of clean clothes before going into the bathroom to change. A few minutes later he came back out in dry clothes and went back over to Sebastian, hugging him again.

“I love you,” Kurt told Sebastian. “I really do and I’m sorry that I’m like this. I don’t want to be this way,”

“No Kurt,” Sebastian said. “You’re perfect. You really are and I don’t want you to change one bit. You’re cute and talented and smart and kind and you’re the best person I know. It’s not your fault everyone’s an asshole,”

“Do you mean it?” Kurt asked, sincerely.

“Every word. I love you too,” Sebastian assured him, giving him a kiss. “I’m so glad I met you and I promise, I’m never going to let anyone hurt you ever again,”

“I know you won’t,” Kurt said. “I’m tired,”

“Wes, David and Thad should be back soon but I guess if you want to we can lay down until they come back,” Sebastian suggested and he laid down with Kurt in his bed, his arms wrapped around the smaller boy.

Kurt was the best thing that had ever happened to Sebastian and he was damned if he was going to mess up what they had going on. From the moment Sebastian met Kurt that day when they had bumped into each other, from the moment he looked and met eyes with Kurt, he knew he loved him. And he was lucky that Kurt loved him back. And he wanted to hurt anyone that had ever hurt Kurt in the past and he wanted to protect him at all cost. And he was going to do that no matter what he needed to do. Kurt meant that much to him.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms and didn’t hear when Wes and Nick knocked on their door. The boys opened the door to find Kurt and Sebastian asleep and debated on whether they should wake the pair up or not.

“Aww, look how cute they are Wes,” Nick cooed. “You can’t possibly think about waking them up now,”

“Kurt needs to be looked at,” Wes explained. “They can be cute again once he’s fixed up,”

“Since when are you a doctor Wesley?” Nick huffed. “Let them sleep. Kurt’s probably exhausted as it is and you blabbing on and on about god knows what isn’t going to make him feel better. You can take care of your patient in the morning,”

“Fine then,” Wes said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s go,”

The boys softly closed the door and left Kurt and Sebastian to sleep peacefully. Wes just couldn’t believe what was happening to Kurt. He had heard from David about Kurt not eating when he got stressed and then that incident at Regionals with his old friends and now someone had tried to kill him. It wasn’t fair. Kurt was the most innocent, kind person he knew and to learn that he had so many people that hated him and that wanted to hurt him made him upset. If it was because Kurt was gay then people really needed to grow up and learn that hating someone because of the gender they loved was ridiculous and made no sense. And if it was because of Kurt’s personality then everyone was crazy. The poor boy needed a break and in the end, that's why Wes had decided to let him be.

It was now December, Kurt was attacked a month ago and he was still dealing with the effects of his attack. Sebastian and the rest of the Warblers had carried out their promise and hadn’t told anyone about what had happened that night but they were still considering it. Kurt was a mess and they meant that with all respect.

At first Kurt had gone on acting like everything was fine. His behavior was normal (or normal for Kurt anyway) and he stayed close to the Warblers and Sebastian. He didn’t leave the school not even if someone went with him but that was understandable. But then he had a nightmare.

Trent was the first one to wake up when he heard a high pitched scream coming from the other side of their room. He shared a room with Thad who was the next person to wake up and they walked out of their room into the common room to see a sleepy eyed Nick and Jeff also awake.

“Did you guys hear that?” Trent asked, rubbing his eyes. “Someone screamed,”

“Yep I heard it,” Jeff said, rubbing his ear. “It was definitely Kurtie, he’s the only one who can scream that loud,”

“Do you think we should check on him and Seb?” Thad asked. “To see if they need help,”

“I guess,” Nick said and the four of them walked over to Kurt and Sebastian’s door. Jeff knocked on the door.

“Seb? Kurt? Are you two okay?” He asked.

“Jeff, get the fuck in here now,” He heard Sebastian yell and he quickly opened the door and walked in, the other boys following behind him.

“Why did Kurt scream?” Nick asked.

“I don’t fucking know,” Sebastian yelled, getting out of his bed. “He screamed and then he ran in the bathroom and he won’t come out,”

“Well have you considered your choice of words Sebastian?” Trent asked and in return received a pillow thrown at him. “I guess not,”

“He had a goddamn nightmare,” Sebastian said, still cursing but lowering his voice some. “Before he screamed he was mumbling and he said his dad’s name and the name of his bully, Karofsky,”

“Oh the poor thing,” Jeff said, sympathetically. “Is this his first one?”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian groaned. “Why the fuck do people have to mess with him? He’s been through enough,”

“Seb,” Trent said. “I think you should check on him,”

“Right,” Sebastian said, walking over to the bathroom door. “Um… if you guys could like, leave that’d be great. I don’t think he’s going to want an audience right now,”

“Of course,” Thad said. “Tell us if you need anything and take care of him,”

The four boys left the room and Sebastian knocked on the bathroom door. “Kurt, are you okay in there? Can I come in?”

He pressed his ear against the door to hear muffled cries coming from the inside and sighed before opening the door. He found Kurt kneeled down in the corner, hugging himself in a tight ball, crying. The scene was heartbreaking and made Sebastian admittedly rush over to him to give him a hug.

“He was right there,” Kurt said, shaking. “He was right there Seb, he wanted to kill me. He almost killed me,”

“No he didn’t Kurt,” Sebastian said, tears welling up in his own eyes. “He’s not anywhere near here, you’re fine I promise. No one’s going to hurt you,”

“What did I do wrong?” Kurt asked, more to himself than to Sebastian. “Why do they all hate me Seb? They hate me so much.” He said through sobs.

“They don’t matter babe,” Sebastian assured Kurt. “I love you and the rest of the Warblers love you and that’s all that matters right, the people that do love you?”

“I miss them,” Kurt said. “I miss my friends and I miss my dad and I messed everything up,”

“No you didn’t. You didn’t mess anything up babe. You’re perfect. Please stop crying, you’re making me cry,”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, looking up at Sebastian and wiping the tear that fell down his face. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” Sebastian said, laughing when Kurt brushed off his tear. “And I always will,”

“Ok,” Kurt said softly, “I don’t want to go back to sleep,”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Sebastian told him “You can lay down with me and we can watch a movie ok? You can pick,”

“Ok,” Kurt said again, standing up with Sebastian and leaving the bathroom. They both got into Kurt’s bed, under the blankets and snuggled close together before Sebastian grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. He flipped through the channels until Kurt settled on a movie that he had never heard of before and they both watched the movie together, neither falling asleep. Once the movie was over Sebastian got an idea and dragged Kurt out of the bed, pulling him over to the window and opening it to reveal a beautiful sunrise.

“Look at that,” Sebastian said, sighing happily to himself as he hugged Kurt from behind. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, smiling. “I love it,”

“And I love you,” Sebastian said, snuggling into Kurt’s neck and kissing him.

“Forever?” Kurt asked.

“Forever,” Sebastian assured.

“I love you too,” Kurt assured him back and they spent the rest of their morning in each other’s embrace watching the sunrise and for a moment Kurt thought he was going to be okay.

But Kurt and everyone else was soon to realize that Kurt was wrong.

It was winter break and everyone in Kurt’s dorm decided to stay at Dalton for the holidays since their families worked during the holiday and they decided that being with each other would be more fun. So they spent their break watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate or singing Christmas carols or playing board games or doing puzzles. Kurt joined in on the movies once in a while but kept to himself for the most part and resorted to writing in a journal.

It wasn’t your typical teenage journal that was actually a diary full of secrets and gossip about one’s life. It was just a notebook full of random words that were written in Kurt's neat handwriting. Kurt’s logic for doing this was that it calmed him, just seeing the word neatly written in pen on a blank sheet of white paper. He could write words about how he felt but for the most part he wrote the things that he liked.

My friends.

Sebastian.

Singing.

Cats.

Clouds.

Coffee.

Watching the sunrise with Seb.

Writing.

Taking walks.

Reading.

Going to my classes.

Flowers.

Grass.

Trees.

Things along those lines. Just things that Kurt loved about his life. He was just trying to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. But sometimes that proved to be really difficult for him and one day was very difficult to deal with.

Sebastian had woken him up early that day to tell him that he was going out to get some things that he needed from the store and told Kurt that he would be back soon. Kurt said okay before falling back asleep and when he woke up his body went into a state of intense panic. Just the sight of the other side of his bed, empty when Sebastian usually laid there and waited for him to wake up threw his whole day off. He tried not to let it bother him too much so he got up and got ready like he usually did before grabbing his blanket and his notebook and walking out into the common room. He was thankful to find the rest of his friends were already awake, continuing their Christmas movie marathon by watching “Elf” and laughing at the movie. They greeted him and he greeted them back before sitting down in an empty chair and trying to pay attention to the screen. It wasn’t working out though. No matter how hard he tried not to think about Sebastian and how he had been gone when he had woken even though he already knew that Sebastian wouldn’t be there, the more he thought about other things.

His dad.

Finn.

Carol.

His family that sent him off to a private school because they didn’t want to deal with him.

Rachel.

Mercedes.

Quinn.

His old friends.

His old friends that  hated him now.

Karofsky.

Azimio.

Bullying.

Slushies.

Locker shoves.

Dumpster dives.

Kissing.

Disgusting kissing that tasted awful.

Kissing that made him cry, that made him hate himself.

Kissing that made him feel so disgusting and awful that he wanted to hurt himself.

Fag.

Fairy.

Traitor.

Disappointment.

Waste of space.

Should just kill himself already.

This is what he found himself writing in his notebook and soon there was no trying to think about the positives because the negatives were pushed to the front of his brain and he couldn’t get rid of them. He felt tears come to his eyes and not wanting to cry in front of everyone but then not wanting to be alone, he got up out of his chair and went to sit down on the floor. Behind the couch. Under the table.

Why Kurt picked a table to sit under, he didn’t really know. He just needed a confined area of space that was for him only but he didn’t want to go back into his empty dorm room, he wanted to hear his friend laugh and he wanted to hear the movie so he chose the table. He tried to breathe but it didn’t really work, the air wouldn’t come into his lungs. He silently cried, his pen shaking in his finger and his body wrapped around him as he tried to calm down and tried to think about the positives. But nothing good came. So he tried to shut his mind off. He tried to clear everything out so that he didn’t have to think about anything and closed his eyes shut.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there but he was relieved when he heard the door to their room open and heard familiar footsteps walk into the room. He wanted to get out and run into Sebastian’s arms but something inside him told him not to and kept him in place.

“Where’s Kurt?” Sebastian asked, taking off his scarf and coat.

“Under the table,” Wes said casually.

“What?” Sebastian asked confused as he walked over to the table and peered down to see Kurt sitting in a ball covered in a blanket. “Why did you let him sit underneath the table?”

“I don’t know,” Jeff said, still paying attention to the movie. “He seemed like he had his mind set on sitting underneath the table so we let him sit under there. Besides, who are we to tell him what to do? Is it a crime to sit under a table?”

“No,” Sebastian sighed. “I guess it’s not,”

Sebastian reached out to grab Kurt’s hand to pull him out from underneath the table when he noticed the notebook that Kurt had been writing in. Kurt hadn’t really seemed to notice his presence and Sebastian picked up the notebook, reading what Kurt had most recently written.

“Oh Kurt,” He said softly, looking back down to see that Kurt was shaking and that his face was stained with tears. “What happened?”

Kurt only shook his head.

“Come on. Let’s go,” Sebastian said, motioning  Kurt to take his hand so he could get up. Kurt took his hand and Sebastian pulled him up before getting an idea. He looked up above his head and smiled, mischievously to himself.

“Look what we’re standing under,” He said in a sing-song voice. “Mistletoe,”

“Kurt looked up and then looked back to Sebastian with a perplexed look, not connecting the two things together. That was until Sebastian dipped him back and kissed him passionately on his lips. Kurt kissed back and they stayed like that until the Warblers turned around and caught them in the position they were in.

“Eww gross,” Trent said, throwing a pillow at Sebastian.

“Get a room Seb,” David groaned, burying his face into another pillow.

“You two are worse than Nick and Jeff,” Wes complained before turning back around to see Nick and Jeff snuggling together, eskimo kissing one another. “Never mind, I take that back,”

“That’s what I thought,” Sebastian smirked before tilting Kurt back up and leading him into their room. “Don’t interrupt us,”

“Trust us, we won’t,” Thad assured him before Sebastian closed the door.

“So are you okay Kurt?” Sebastian asked, turning around to look at his boyfriend. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt whispered, looking down like he was ashamed of himself. “I woke up and you were gone and I know it’s stupid because I knew you weren’t going to be there but it still freaked me out for some reason and I got upset and I didn’t know what to do. I got dressed and I tried to pay attention to the movie that everyone was watching but I kept thinking about you and then I started thinking about everyone else and instead of writing down things that I liked, I started writing the things down that I didn’t like. And then I got really overwhelmed and I couldn’t breathe and so I got up and sat under the table because I didn’t know where else to go but… I’m so sorry Seb. I know that it was stupid of me to get so upset but I don’t know what happened,” Kurt explained, rapidly.

“Hey, take a breather babe,” Sebastian said, walking over to Kurt and rubbing his back. “It sounds like you had a panic attack. But you’re alright now okay?”

“Okay,” Kurt said, hugging Sebastian. “Please don’t leave me right now,”

“I won’t,” Sebastian promised him. “I promise. So do you want to watch the movie with them or…?”

“Can we just stay in here?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah of course,” Sebastian said before walking over to Kurt’s bed and laying down in it with him. They snuggled up with one another like they usually did, wrapped in blankets and in each other’s embrace and this time Sebastian picked a movie.

“I love you Sebastian,” Kurt said, smiling up at his boyfriend. “I love you so much,”

“I love you so much too Kurt,” Sebastian smiled back.

Kurt had resorted to a different method to manage his stress… running. He knew it probably wasn’t the best thing to do seeing how little he ate but then again, was really anything he ever did a good idea? He didn’t think so. So running was his new thing.

He felt free when he ran, like there was nothing holding him back or there was nothing weighing him down. When he ran he didn’t need to focus on all his problems or the things that bothered him, all he focused on was moving his feet in front of the other one and his breathing. He could run for hours if he wanted to and one day he actually did.

It had been a bad day for Kurt. He had had two exams and a project to present in his classes that day and then a Warbler practice after lunch and he felt like he needed to relax. So he went out after dinner and ran. Some of the other Warblers went out with him and watched him as they sat on the bench and talked with one another.

And Kurt ran. He lost track of time but he could tell that it was getting late when he noticed that the sun was setting and he would’ve stopped but he was on a roll. It felt good to him, to push his body through all the pain and sweat. Yes maybe it was a bad idea to run to the point where you’re in pain but it wasn’t like the pain that he felt when he was shoved in a locker. The pain felt good so he didn’t stop.

“What are you guys doing out here?” Sebastian asked Jeff, Nick and Trent as he walked out to the track and saw the guys on the bleachers.

“Kurt’s running,” Nick said, pointing over to where Kurt was on his probably hundredth lap around the track.

“Shit, you idiots,” Sebastian hissed. “How long has he been like that?”

“Like what?” Jeff asked. “He likes running,”

“He looks like he’s going to fall over Jeff,” Sebastian said, irritated.

“Oh. Well we’ve been out here since dinner which was at six,” Trent said, thinking out loud.

“And it’s around eight right now,” Nick added.

“So that means it’s been two hours,” Jeff said happily. “Woo, Kurtie’s really good at that,”

“Oh my god,” Sebastian groaned before jogging over to Kurt. “Hello babe,”

“Hi,” Kurt said, shortly, out of breath. “What are you doing here?”

“The better question is what are you doing here? It’s been two hours since I last saw you and I miss you,” Sebastian said, giving Kurt puppy dog eyes.

“Sorry. I knew it was getting late but you know… it’s just been a stressful day,” Kurt said.

“Oh,” Sebastian said, his face dropping. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I prefer running,”

“For two hours straight. Is that even healthy?”

“No but neither is being stressed out so I take what I get,” Kurt shrugged.

“Well what if we find a better way to get rid of your stress,” Sebastian suggested slyly. “We could make out,”

“Seb,” Kurt whined, although he did smile.

“Please,” Sebastian begged. “You’re so cute and I haven’t seen you all day. I love you,”

“Fine,” Kurt smirked. “But I’m taking a bath first,”

“Okay let’s go,” Sebastian said excitedly, taking Kurt’s hand and dragging him off the track.

They went back to their dorm room and Kurt showered and got ready for bed and then the two boys got into bed and cuddled up with each other. Kurt kissed Sebastian and Sebastian kissed back and they stayed like that for a while before Sebastian pulled Kurt into a hug.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Sebastian asked him. “I just ask because… I mean you could’ve changed your mind and I want you to know that I’ll listen to you,”

“I’m okay Seb,” Kurt assured him. “I just had a lot of work to do today and I'm not used to having so much. I was always on top of my work at McKinley, I was at the top of my class but here it’s just a little harder. But I got it done so I don’t have to worry anymore. I just wanted to run and I guess I lost myself a little too much,”

“Oh,” Sebastian said, rubbing Kurt’s back. "Well if you ever need help you can always ask me,”

“I know Seb,” Kurt said. “But thank you. For… just everything Seb. It means a lot to me,”

“Well you mean a lot to me,” Sebastian smiled.

“So do you,” Kurt smiled back.

Nick, Jeff, Wes and David were all in the common room doing a puzzle when Sebastian and Kurt walked in, hand and hand and stood facing each other with their foreheads pressed against each other.

“Why don’t you just go lay down and I’ll be in a minute, okay babe?” Sebastian told Kurt who nodded his head and wiped some tears on his face as he walked into their room.

“What’s wrong with Kurt?” David asked curious.

“He’s sick,” Sebastian said, rubbing his eyes. “He’s got a fever,”

“Oh, should I get the nurse?” Jeff asked, standing up.

“No, he’ll be fine I think,” Sebastian told them. “I don’t think he’d like that since he’s not really a people person. I’m just going to lay down with him and maybe he’ll sleep it off,”

“Oh okay,” Jeff said, sitting back down. Well tell me if you need anything,”

“I will,” Sebastian said before walking into their room to find Kurt curled up in a ball on his bed.

“You feeling alright babe?” Sebastian asked, rubbing Kurt’s back.

“I don’t feel good,” Was all Kurt said back.

“I know you don’t, you’re burning up. Do you want anything?” Sebastian asked.

“A hug,” Kurt told him and Sebastian laughed a little.

“I mean like medicine or something Kurt,”

“You don’t want to hug me?” Kurt asked, tears in his eyes.

“What no,” Sebastian exclaimed, laying down admittedly and hugging Kurt. “I always want to hug you Kurt, I love you. I just want to make you feel better,”

“I hate being sick,” Kurt pouted. “It’s not fair, I never get sick,”

“Well you just have to take care of yourself more Kurt. You’re stressing yourself out too much, it’s no wonder you aren’t feeling good right now,”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt whispered. “I really do try, it’s just hard,”

“I know you’re trying,” Sebastian assured him. “And I know it’s been rough for you but you’re doing really good, trust me,”

“I trust you,” Kurt told him. “And I love you too,”

“I love you,” Sebastian said, kissing Kurt’s forehead

[megastarstriker]

★{𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗡𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹}★

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𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Bullying and Abuse, Slight Cussing, Depression and Anxiety 

Contains: FLUFF AND ANGST

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Asperger’s! Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

Summary: (Y/N) a 13 year old girl goes to her first day in high school. Despite the hard attempts and making friends because of her socially awkwardness she finds herself distracted by a certain boy in her class. (Note: This isn’t made for discrimination or stereotypes to people who go through anxiety, depression or have autism. This is all real stuff and written for the sake of notice and to betaken seriously. I won’t be portraying any kind of offensive or critical stereotypes nor will ever in this one-shot. This was based on personal experience and point of view. IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND ARE TRIGGERED BY THESE SAME THEMES. PLEASE DO NOT READ FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. AND IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM EITHER ONE, PLEASE FIND SUPPORT OR HELP, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU EVEN IF YOU DONT THINK SO WE ARE. WE WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH IT, AND IN THE END IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT💕 )

𝙏𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩: @metalheartofgold, @ginny-rose-sixx, @xxqueencolourxx​, @littlemisscare-all​,

💕 LOVE YOU GUYS AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA GET TAGGED  💕 

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{Photos and gifs aren’t mine they belong to their owners. I only own the editing} 💕

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 1971

“Mommy, what if the other kids don’t like me or hate me.....”, I managed to utter out as I looked at her through a glimpse as I looked down at my shoes, while sitting on the stool near the counter. 

“Oh Honey, don’t say that, you know that’s not true.”, Mom said in a cheery voice as she was working on breakfast listening to me as she did,” Some of those kids will like you. Might even want to be your friend.”

I looked up at my mom only glancing at her back as she was stirring the ingredients in a bowl, my attitude and mood not changing from its gloom state as I heard those positive words, as it should.’ Is she only saying that to make me feel better?’ I thought in my head as I felt a bit angry at the thought, a bit happy too that she cared, though it didn’t change my idea of it nonetheless. 

......

......

......

“They think I’m a freak and a monster.....”, I said suddenly without emotion my voice breaking a bit as I felt tears building up a bit on my eyes at the idea of it, trying my best not let them crawl and trace down my cheeks as I didn’t want her to see me cry.

My mom then turned around from what she was doing in the kitchen towards me her eyes widening at what I said, almost dropping the pan she was holding that held a small stack of pancakes, as she heard those sharp and painful words out of my mouth. She gulped slightly making me quirk an eyebrow, waiting for a response and obviously worried and confused for her silence, feeling insecure as I awaited her answer. She then put the pan down and walked towards me kneeling down unto my level as I tried my best to dry roughly at the tears. Only for her to gently push them away from my face and take her soft and delicate hands and brush the tears away with her fingertips as she grabbed my face gingerly, her eyes filled with concern as she did.

“You are not a freak or a monster....Ok. and definitely not a monster.”, My mom corrected me sincerely as she said in a whispering tone to me letting her forehead connect with mine as her gaze met mine.” You are just different from the rest of the other kids.”

“You are special.”, She said as she kissed my forehead, embracing me as she did, returning the hug it a few moments later as I registered the action in my brain. Letting my arms wrap around her for warmth and comfort, as I left the few remaining tears drop unto her clothed shoulder, cursing myself for it.

......

......

......

“Yeah Right.”, I muttered under my breath sarcastically as I replayed the events from this morning. Holding a pen and flicking it repeatedly, as I felt my anxious state grow with every step I took towards what was now called my school, trying to take my stress away roughly at the writing utensil gripped tightly at my hand as I repeated the process. This was a soothing technique for me for whenever I felt overly stressed or anxious in a situation. Despite the annoying sound it would do, I couldn’t help but feel calm and relief wash over me as I felt the tensing energy leave my body, easing my breathing, nerves, and muscles. I then stopped as I calmed down putting the pen on my pocket as I released a sigh, gripping my bag tightly.

------

This wasn’t the first time my mother has said or used the word special in those exact occasions. To be honest there was nothing special about me. This wasn’t my first school that I was attending either. I’ve been to many, and seen many faces from kids my age and younger to teachers and parents. Despite their differences they have one thing in common when it came to me. They all gave me the same look. Whether it was pitiful or dirty it didn’t matter. All the different kids from different schools gave me that same stupid and meaningless face. At first I thought it was because I was new to them, but then I started to quickly realize it wasn’t just that.....I was a shy girl so I never really understood at that time. All those times I would try to talk to people or waiting for them to approach me as I sat alone calmly doing my work....Being friendly and confident as possible as I greeted them with the best and nicest smile I could muster on my young face...They never responded back they simply whispered something to another kid and simply left me standing there stranded as they went to play with the other kids... Avoiding me entirely even when I went to speak with them again....Sometimes I tried asking the kids if I could play but they would either ignore me and walk away or say that It wasn’t a game for me to play......

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Was I not suppose to talk to them?”

“Why aren’t they talking to me?”

Those were some of the thoughts I had, but I knew those weren’t the exact reasons, knowing fully well I wasn’t bad when it came to speech or greetings when I talked to other people. The teachers blamed me for it of course, when I asked them why the other kids avoided me.

“Maybe if you weren’t and acted like such a freak, they would be talking to you.”, One Teacher I remembered bitterly saying to me with the fakest smile as she then turned her back towards me walking away from my small frame not caring whether those words struck my small heart or tear up and cry.

------

I shook my head and decided to think of something else as my sneakers grazed the cement floor on the sidewalk. I then looked towards the sky seeing the sun shinning and the pure white clouds forming picturesque structures as they floated above. ‘I wonder if there is any people living in those fluffy clouds?’, I thought with a smile,’ Is there such a thing as cloud puppies too!?’ 

I giggled a bit as I thought about what a cloud puppy would look like. Sort of like a poodle or    but more fluffier and soft fur like marshmallows and cotton candy combined.  “Are clouds tasty?”, I whispered out loud as I kept staring at the edible-looking clouds, ‘They do look a lot like cotton candy....so maybe.’

I then starred at my feet laughing at the thought, only for then to look up and noticed that I was already in front of the school.

I gulped as I was frozen in place.

“Here goes nothing”, I said to myself a bit nervously as I let my feet drag slowly towards the horrors of what was now officially called my school.

Walking towards the doors of the school, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of nausea hit me, totally uncomfortable on how all of this was going to go. After I enter the entrance to the school through the double doors I couldn’t help but notice one unnormal thing.

Empty halls.

‘Weird.’, I thought in my head with a raised eyebrow.,’ I thought it would be crowded by this time.’

Reading the letters on top of the doors, I checked to see my assigned class as I looked at each one on both sides of me in the empty halls. Seeing the exact one I enter it only for then to see a crowd of unfamiliar faces turned all of their heads in sync towards me.

I then closed it behind me with a jitter in my hands as I felt belittled by all the beady eyes of the students that were staring at me while sitting in there sits.

“Mrs.(Y/N), You’re late!”, A female voice said harshly next to me.

I then turned towards the origin of the voice to my right, seeing it was a middle aged woman with long hair that was tied up into a bun and was wearing glasses underneath her brown caramel eyes. Her faced was adorned with makeup and an angry scowl in her face as her eyes met mine, obviously unhappy and pissed.

“Care to explain why?.”, She said in a dominant tone, and with stern eyes as she crossed her arms across her chest and her heels clicked underneath the marble floor of the classroom as she tapped her foot impatiently.

“I-i....”, I started with a stammer and whisper obviously nervous and uneasy about all of the students who were staring at me in the front of the class.,”I-im sorry..”

‘Way to go me....’, I thought sarcastically at myself as I said those words.

The teacher squinted her eyes with a humph, only to then close them. Then as if on cue....

An erupting choir of laughter resounded in the entirety of the room in sync as all of the kids started to laugh at me. In that moment I felt humiliated and irritated,  I wanted to just throw myself in a box and at the same time tell the kids to shove their mouths up their own asses to shut them up. But I felt completely vulnerable at the moment unknowing of what to say. as I felt small....

‘So much for good impressions.’, I thought in defeat as I looked down at the floor.

“Quiet down class, quiet down!”, The teacher said as she stared at room full of teens as they all kept quiet some of them still snickering softly, or trying to control the laughter that was still trying to emit from their lips.

“I’ll let you off with a warning since you did apologize, after all. The next time though I won’t and you will be sent to the principal’s office as punishment if this repeats. Understood.”, She said a bit more warmly still keeping a strict poise as she turned towards me.

I nodded slowly of course as I listen to her words looking down a bit ashamedly as I did.” Yes Mrs....”

“Mrs. Johnson.”, She said with a small smile and then she gestured towards the empty seat,” You can go ahead and sit next to Frank over there in the back.”

I then followed her arm towards were she was exactly pointing and to my thoughts, there was a boy with an orange pale button up shirt in the far back right next to were my assigned seat was, looking and snapping his thoughts towards the teacher as he heard his name from the teacher’s mouth. I gulped ‘Why the far back?’ I then looked towards the front row and saw the whole aisle filled students already, ‘Oh that’s why...’

Taking a deep breath, I stepped towards through the rows of filled seats, hearing whispers or name-callings as I walked past them towards my seat. Of course I glared at the students a bit in front of me while also trying to put a fake smile for them as I tried my best to ignore their harsh and childish remarks. As I reached the desk, I couldn’t help but notice the “Frank” boy from earlier stare at me from the corner of my eyes as I sat beside him, knowing that he wasn’t in the beginning until he heard his name being called. His bright green eyes observing me as I put my backpack close to my side and slumped into my seat. I then saw as the boy stared for a few seconds at me more before looking away from me in boredom just like a few minutes earlier. 

As he looked away, I couldn’t help but stare at him as I got good look at him clearly compared to when I was in the front of the class. “Frank” had brown blondish hair that was a bit long and slicked back neatly, green and slightly dark eyes as the color of leaves in the trees during springs or summer as they stared boredly away as one hand was held towards his cheek, leaning his elbow against and touching the table on his desk propping his head up, wearing his orange pale button up shirt and white pants, along with some sneakers. 

“Cute.”, I whispered a bit too loudly as I stared at him my cheeks dusting with a violent red as I realized what words fell from  my mouth. Frank being near me ,considering he was beside me and the whole class was quiet at the moment, turned his head to me as he heard what I said with a confused face, either not catching what I just heard or uncomfortable with what I said from my understanding. I then stared to the front away from him, my shoulders tense, my face completely red, and my heart beating out as if it were to rip away from my ribcage and body. I breathed steadily and sighed, as I felt his stare drift away as he huffed a bit going back to his usual stuff to staring at nothing. ‘Geez, what are you thinking girl.....’, I scolded at myself with a mental facepalm,’ You already messed it up with coming late, now your making it worse by telling a boy he is cute....Ugh, at least I hope he didn’t hear me.’

The teacher started lesson as if a few minutes prior and after the incident. Staring mindlessly at the chalkboard, I couldn’t help but feel a bit tired and suddenly....bored as I tuned out the teachers words. ‘School sucks.’, I thought for a moment before a lightbulb suddenly went above my head with a silent yawn,’ I’m gonna draw.’

I then took my separate drawing pad, pen and pencil, while flipping to and empty page. I then started to work my magic as I began to doodle what was on my mind as ideas spurred through my brain. I was pondering on what to draw as I held the pen close to my chin. I had a great influence and overall interest in music, I loved it so much especially when it came to rock music. Because of that, I wanted to become a musician or songwriter one day. I then thought about drawing puppies or rockstars.....

I then did just that as I drew cute little doodles of puppies along with a rockstar sketch of my favorite musician. As I kept listening at the teacher to the class while also distracting myself with some quality time for me, I noticed something soft yet solid grazing shoulder slightly, landing at next to my feet on the floor. It was a crumbled up piece of paper that was made into a ball. Rolling my eyes, I didn’t think any of it as I kept tracing my pen on the paper. 

‘Psst. Hey.’ 

Fixated on the paper I kept on drawing cute little stars and details on the drawing oblivious to the person that was calling someone else, whoever did. 

‘Psst!’

This time it was a bit more louder but still made into a whisper as I didn’t bother to check who it was that made the noise.

I then felt another hard thud on my shoulder this time still soft but harsh as the solid material hit me directly. Leaving my eyes from the paper as I had an angry frown in my face obviously annoyed at the person who threw the paper at me, I looked towards the person who made the ‘psst’ sound again only to see that it was the so called ‘Frank’ boy from earlier. 

He then gestured towards the crumbled sheet of paper in front of my desk. I narrowed my brows at him, with suspicion but complied either way so he could stop bothering me, despite the fact he seemed friendly. Grabbing the crumbled sheet, I heard the sound of the bell ringing before I could open it. The class was then dismissed but before I could read the note that the boy passed to me. I felt a harsh shove as I fell back on the seat causing the note to fall from my hands and into the floor, nobody noticing as they let their dirty shoes graze and paint the paper. Seeing that everyone left including the person that shoved me by accident, I went to pick up the note from the ground only to see that it was indeed painted with shoe prints and ripped in half harshly. ‘Ugh...’ I groaned in disgust as I went to the trash to throw it away,’ I hope it wasn’t something important that I needed to know.’

I then looked towards the back of the class were Frank was, only to find out he wasn’t there anymore. Frowning a bit at the thought as I was hoping maybe I could talk to him, I went towards were all the students were going....probably the cafeteria..

‘Maybe I’ll see him there’, I thought lightening up a bit with a smile.”

‘We’ll even be friends probably....”

------------------------------------------------------------

{AUTHORS NOTE}

Hey there I hope you all enjoyed this little miniseries I’m doing. The reason I made this was because of personal experience in my early years in high school, and I felt I had to write them down. I also wondered how it will be like if Sixx to ever meet a girl with autism. I’ll be uploading part two as soon as I can of course .hope you liked it and Thank you for reading.

💗{LIKE OR REBLOG TO SAVE}💗

[alitaimagines]

“stars shining right above you. night breezes seem to whisper I love you. birds singing in the sycamore tree, dream a little dream of me.” 

iwaizumi hajime - HAIKYUU!!

note: yall getting a Kenma imagine v soon. also, the reader isn’t specified to have a certain nationality! they’re just implied not to be from Japan :)

-please see my note above this imagine-

“and this is the boys volleyball practice gym,” one of the orientation leaders said, “they’re the best team in the entire school, maybe in all of Japan! and as a little known secret, keep your eye on Oikawa. he’s the popular one here,” she whispered. 

you watched as she swooned to the team and her eye trajectory landing on light brown haired boy. you could sense that your orientation leader might not be the only one who felt away about the boy named Oikawa. 

just as the two of you were about to leave, their coach blew the whistle. not bothering to put another thought into it, you were gazing at their enormous amount of trophies when you felt a few people come up to you. 

“you’re new here, right?” Oikawa asked as you nodded, “I’m Oikawa, what’s your name?” he asked as he leaned up against the wall and wiped the sweat off his forehead. 

you remained silent for a moment, “( your name ),” you replied as he gave you a smile, “would you mind if I showed you around?” he asked with a smirk playing on his face. 

you knew exactly what game he was playing, “no,” you said in a monotone voice as you sarcastically checked your watch, “classes start soon and I wouldn’t want either of us to be late, okay?” 

the other boys that had walked with Oikawa started laughing as you grabbed your backpack and the required uniform jacket before finally heading out. you took the small bit of advice that your orientation leader had given you and made sure to stick to it. 

“watch out for the boys on the team, they’re not what they seem.” 

you walked up towards the main entrance of the school and quickly made your way to the office to get a few papers you needed to turn in to the teacher before class started. 

after struggling a bit to find your homeroom, you walked in to see everyone’s eyes on you. your face went warm with embarrassment as you immediately went to talk to the teacher. she gave you a run down of a few things before introducing you to the students that were in the class. 

unfortunately for you, you came to the sudden realization that Oikawa and one of the other boys that was with him before class were in your homeroom. you just hoped that if this was like your other schools, you wouldn’t be with them all day. 

“new girl!” Oikawa exclaimed as you sighed as your head fell to the desk behind you in annoyance, “leave her alone Shittykawa, can’t you tell that she doesn’t want to talk to you?”

you gave replied with a thank you before going back to the bell work the teacher assigned and not bothering a second glance Oikawa or his very attractive friend. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but wonder why you weren’t you cracking like the other girls did for him. Iwaizumi on the other hand was able to put two and two together. 

he watched as you looked at the time and back to your school work every so often. Iwaizumi just figured that the reason why he kept looking at you was because you were the new girl. totally not because he thought you were cute. 

once you realized that the half day mark came and lunch time finally started, you took your lunch from your backpack and munched on it while you looked over the options for after school clubs. 

girls tennis? boring. choir? even more boring. volleyball manager? the thought of dealing with Oikawa all day and now after school made you gag. 

you sighed realizing none of the school clubs sounded not even mildly appealing. you revised the list once more before realizing that the other manager position Aobajohsai was offering was for boy’s soccer. you scribbled your name down before handing it back to your teacher. 

Iwaizumi watched as you struggled with your decision and a part of him hoped that you would pick Volleyball but your hand wrote your name down for soccer and his small bit of hope faltered. 

you plugged your headphones into your phone before blaring your music as you ate your lunch and started your homework. you received a letter a few minutes later stating that the soccer team would need you after school to help them with setting up the field and getting to know your teammates. 

once the end of the day came and you were informed on where to go for your after school club, you saw as the boys for the volleyball team heading towards their gym. 

you could tell that Oikawa wanted to confront you but the same boy from your class and the team stopped him once again and kicked him in the back before shoving him inside of the gym. 

you knew that you would eventually have to thank him for helping you get away from the pretty boy. 

a few months passed as you got familiar with your surrounding and got adjusted to helping the boys with their club activities. even thought their season was active, you had to be there every day to help with trainings, practices, or scrimmage games. 

some of the boys on the team were also in your class so it was easy to just stick by them when breaks came up. 

to Iwaizumi, his infatuation for you became more and more prevalent to himself. there would be days where he would watch you from afar. he tried to remain as uncreepy as possible but he could sense that if you knew he was watching you, you would probably freak out. 

Iwai would watch as you would sing songs to yourself and although he didn’t understand most of what you said, seeing you sing and dance to yourself and along with your friends made his heart race. 

“hey, we have that weird school festival thingy coming up, right?” you asked one of the boys as he nodded, “are we doing anything to promote the club? we haven’t exactly spoken about it and as your team manager, I need to know what we’re planning on doing.” 

some of the boys sighed knowing the team struggled to come up with a theme every for this school festival. you thought for a moment before snapping your fingers, “what if we do a combined theme? we get another team and we play a scrimmage of their sport and ours!” you offered as you noticed all of their eyes light up. 

“you’re a genius!” your captain, Daisuke exclaimed, “but which team?” he asked before you noticed a few of them turn their heads to see the volleyball team walking out of their gym. 

“not the volleyball team, I’m begging!” you exclaimed as they started laughing, “we’re the top two teams in all of Seijoh, it’s going to be the volleyball team!” Daisuke muttered as he grabbed your hand and dragged you over to where the team was. 

by the time you reached them, your face was red but you were still holding Daisuke’s hand. Iwaizumi took notice and sighed figuring that of course you fell for your teams captain. it was inevitable that someone as cute as you would fall for someone so popular. 

“hey, we wanted to ask, do you guys have any plans for the fall festival?” Daisuke asked as Oikawa shook his head no, “she came up with the brilliant idea! what if we were to combine both of our teams and play a game of our sports against each other! one 20 minute game of soccer and one round of volleyball! it would promote both of Seijoh’s biggest teams!” 

Oikawa’s smirk fell to you, “ah, I knew the lovely lady would fall to our trap eventually,” Oikawa boasted as you growled, “didn’t I tell you, Daisuke? we should’ve teamed up with the boys basketball team instead,” you muttered as half the boys volleyball team gave you a surprising look. 

“we accept! we can meet up after our practices end and come up with ideas,” Oikawa replied as you rolled your eyes harder than you had ever felt, “fine, just drop your cocky attitude at the door,” you threatened before releasing yourself Daisuke’s hand and leaving to meet the rest of team. 

Iwaizumi could tell that maybe it wasn’t the team that you didn’t like, it for sure had to be Oikawa that you really didn’t like. 

-

after meeting up a few times with the boys on the volleyball team and creating a small stand, the day of the festival finally came. 

being that the other boys didn’t have a manager, Iwaizumi, admittedly took up the position to help you at the stand to reel in as many people to attend each others game. 

you were wearing the managers uniform which was more comfortable than you liked to admit. your uniform was the Seijoh blue athletic skirt with a white shirt that read ‘Seijoh Soccer’ on the side.

“hey, can you hand me that water bottle? I don’t want it to get cold,” you told Iwaizumi as he nodded, “thanks Iwai!” you murmured, not thinking of the nickname you just called him. 

Iwaizumi on the other hand did notice and felt himself blush. since both of you were working the stand, the two of you had to miss out on both games. you weren’t too upset at missing the games since Iwaizumi was keeping you company. 

“how long have you been playing volleyball?” you asked Iwaizumi, “since I was in middle school,” he replied as he dragged two barstools for the two of you to sit on, “that’s cool, have you always played with Oikawa?” he nodded again. 

“what made you move to Japan?” Iwaizumi asked as he tried to continue the conversation, “oh, just my parents. their job made them move and I really didn’t have choice, ya know?” you said a bit vaguely. 

as the two of you continued on with talking, you noticed how the sun was starting to set and how much time had passed. you had your arm resting on top of the ledge, as did Iwaizumi. 

you took a chance and softly felt up his hand with your fingers. Iwaizumi was surprised at the sudden affection and for a second, he wanted to intertwine his fingers with yours when he suddenly remembered, 

Daisuke. 

“aren’t you dating the captain of your team?” you immediately let out a laugh making Iwaizumi confused, “Daisuke? he wishes!” you managed to say, “oh god, that was the laugh of the day!” 

Iwaizumi was confused by your response as you tried to calm your laugh down. it took a while but eventually, you stopped laughing and gave Iwaizumi a small smile. 

“I am not dating Daisuke. I can assure you that!” you said as he gave you one final question, “so what was up with the hand holding a few weeks ago?” you thought as you realized what he was talking about. 

you grabbed his hand, this time a lot more gently than last time and gave it a squeeze, “he was just dragging me to the team because I didn’t want to go with him. I can assure you that there’s no feelings, at least on my part their isn’t,” you confessed as he smiled. 

Iwaizumi nodded as he gave your hand a squeeze before lifting it and kissing the back of it, “than is it okay if I ask you for ramen on Saturday?” he asked as you nodded yes, rather aggressively than you intended. 

not too far away was Oikawa groaning in annoyance. the girl he had tried so hard to befriend was stolen from right underneath him. stolen by his best friend. 

Oikawa didn’t mind it but he just wondered why you became putty in Iwaizumi’s hands so quickly yet you didn’t even give him a time of day. regardless, he was happy for his best friend nonetheless. 

just as he was about to head home, he watched Iwaizumi wrap his volleyball sweater around you and offered to walk you back home. there was a part of Oikawa’s heart that swelled. 

his best friend probably found his first love and hopefully, it remained at his only love. Oikawa knew you weren’t too fond of him but he knew that you were genuinely attracted to Iwaizumi and not using Iwai as a way to get closer to Oikawa.  

ALITA

[youngwings-writes]

Infinitely Ordinary

Lee Felix x OC

Summary: "𝕀 𝕣𝕖��𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕀 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕝𝕠𝕨 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟"

Busy. Busy worrying, working, just trying to survive. That was the daily life of Jordan Johnson. The world never seemed to slow down; not for her...not for anyone. Finally deciding to take matters into her own hands and get some much needed R&R, she jets off on a trip to South Korea. While there, she unexpectedly meets her soulmate. Will they be able to find happiness together, or will his status get in the way?

Genre: Fluff

Length: 2k

Chapter 4: Sunshine

"So... I guess we're soulmates?"

I froze.

Obviously, I had come to that conclusion on my own already, but to hear Felix saying it was a whole other thing. Like, this is the boy I've been admiring from afar for years. I knew so much about him, but he probably didn't know I existed until 60 seconds ago.

I didn't trust my voice at this point, so I simply smiled and gave a shy nod in response.

"I know this is really sudden, but I'm not sure the middle of a dog cafe is where we should be discussing such a serious matter... is there any possibility we could go to wherever it is you're staying and continue getting to know one another?"

"O-of course! That's no problem at all. Just let me pull up directions again so I don't get us lost," I began fumbling with my phone, trying not to look as nervous as I felt.

Soon enough I had the directions to my apartment pulled up on my phone. Felix and I grabbed our drinks and made our way out into the streets of Seoul.

"It doesn't seem like you're from around here, where are you from?"

"Phoenix, Arizona, born and raised," I said with a hint of triumph. Arizona isn't exactly the classiest state, but to survive the summers was definitely a feat.

"Oh! I actually went to Phoenix not that long ago with my mem- my friends! I didn't get to see much of it before we left though."

I could tell he was going to say his members, but he stopped himself. I know he went to Phoenix. Hell, I saw him while he was in Phoenix. My friends and I pooled together enough money to get all four of us P5 tickets to their concert. Still not sure how our broke college student selves pulled that one off.

Should I tell him?

Well, he'll find out eventually, so why not bite the bullet and tell him now?

I took a deep breath.

"Can I tell you something, Felix?"

His head turned to face me, one eyebrow cocked in curiosity.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I want to be completely transparent with you, especially since we're apparently soulmates... I know who you are."

I could see him grow stiffer. I continued.

"My friends and I were at the Stray Kids concert in Phoenix. I've been a Stay since before debut. The last 10 minutes has my head absolutely reeling. I never thought that I would meet you or any of your members, let alone have you turn out to be my soulmate. If this makes you uncomfortable, I'm so sorry. It's probably strange hearing all of this; learning that your apparent soulmate knows so much about you while you know so little about them. Not to mention it's probably overwhelming. I mean, we're both still growing up, plus you have the stress of being an idol on top of it," I let my mouth run.

Everything came out like I had just opened the floodgates. I was beyond nervous to hear what he had to say, but also relieved to have said what I did. The last thing I want is to have kept the fact that I knew Felix before he knew me a secret. He deserves to know the truth and not feel like I just used the fact that he's my soulmate for my own personal gain. Keeping him in the dark and using him like that would just be fucked up.

"Okay, wow. First of all, I just wanna say thank you for telling me everything. I also want you to know that the fact that you know who I am doesn't make me uncomfortable. Actually, I'm both flattered and relieved. I won't have to explain being an idol and what that entails for us, so that makes things a lot less stressful. This is completely new territory for both of us, we just need to trust one another and make adjustments as we go," he said as he flashed me a reassuring smile.

"Besides, the fact that you know more about me than I know about you only means I have to spend more time with you and work to know you faster. Plus you get to know a side of me not everyone knows."

"And I'm hoping that side isn't some secret dark side you've been hiding to save face," I gave his shoulder a nudge.

The remainder of the walk to my apartment was relatively quiet. There was a bit of small talk here and there, but nothing extreme. For the most part, we just strolled along in a comfortable silence. It was... suprisingly nice.

One of my personal fears has always been making a fool of myself in front of others or making things awkward; especially with people I looked up to. To be experiencing such a comfortable peace with Felix seemed unreal. Bonus points for only mildly making a fool of myself in the very beginning.

Self improvement baby :)

Even with my poor navigation skills and even worse sense of direction, we made it to my apartment building without any problems.Entering the glass double doors, Felix and I made our way to the elevator. The elevator doors opened with a soft ding and we stepped in. Pressing the button for the third floor, we began our ascent.

When we arrived in front of my door, I almost made the move to input my phone password on the keypad. Force of habit. Realizing what I was about to do, I pulled out my phone and notes app, punching in the number I knew I would've forgotten otherwise. Just as before, a soft beep and click were heard as the door unlocked and we may our way inside.

Shedding our shoes (or feet prisons as my sister would call them), we made our way towards the couch in the small living area the rental possessed. Since we both still had food and drinks from the cafe, I rushed to the kitchen to get plates and utensils for the two of us.

Upon returning to the couch I saw that Felix had already began unpacking our leftovers. I set the plates down and started helping him plate the treats.

"So, you said that you've been a Stay since pre-debut, right?"

"Yeah. I think it was around December of 2017 that I found Stray Kids."

"Wow. Was it random that you stumbled across us, or did you find us through another group?"

"A little bit of both. I first started listening to K-Pop back in 2012, but didn't really get into it until around 2014. From there, I got into F(x), Shinee, and BTS, but I was still more of a casual listener than anything. In 2016 I got into GOT7, Day6, and Twice, so I obviously knew about your label. Funny enough though, I found Stray Kids because one of the people I rode the bus with was talking about how they were upset with how the survival show was going. I think it was right between when you were eliminated and the finale..."

I felt kind of bad bringing up the part about his elimination. I had absolutely no clue if it was still a touchy subject or not. Seeing how far he's come and where he is now, I really hope it isn't and that he doesn't beat himself up over it. JYP's reasoning for it all was complete bullshit anyway.

"Well, that'll make for quite the introduction, huh?"

"For sure. I may not have been there from the very beginning like some others had, but there was definitely some intense feelings of pride seeing you all standing on that stage being told you would debut together."

"I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. Getting there was beyond difficult, but having experienced all I have now, I can 100% say it was worth every second." Felix's eyes shimmered as he spoke. Anyone could tell that he was thinking not only of his members, his brothers, but his fans as well.

Being such a music fanatic, I've seen some bands that you can tell don't care about their fans. While this was way more common in the Western music scene, it did happen in the Kpop world as well. Despite that, I could confidently say that Stray Kids genuinely care for Stay; I could say that before I discovered Felix was my soulmate.

"So do you have any other hobbies or interests besides Stray Kids?"

"Nooo, not at all," I quipped back, my voice oozing sarcasm. A small chuckle was elicited from the freckled boy's throat.

"In all seriousness, music is one of my biggest hobbies. I did musical theatre from age 5 until age 11, I was in choir throughout all of my middle school years, and played trombone in middle school and high school. I don't play a lot now, but I still find the time every now and then. When I wasn't taking part in local musical endeavors, I was at some concert with my friends or my sister. Other than that, I enjoy reading, writing, photography, baking, and cosmetology."

"Quite the artist, aren't you?"

"In every sense except painting or drawing, yes. Ask me to do either of those and I will go running for the hills. Why I can do makeup, but I can't paint or draw I will never know."

"I guess the only explanation is that life is just weird like that sometimes," he laughed again. I always loved his laugh before, but hearing it face-to-face was literal heaven. This boy is straight up an angel, and no one can convince me otherwise.

We spent the next hour or two in my temporary home, conversation continuing to flow. I always knew and acknowledged the fact that idols and other celebrities are normal people just like you and me, but I couldn't help but freak out a little when I met anyone. Of course the same applied to Felix, but I think I got over the shock value faster than I normally would. I didn't really dwell on the fact that he was a world famous idol for long; I honestly almost forgot about it.

Normally, it takes me a while to warm up to people and feel comfortable with them, but Felix seemed to be an exception. The more we spoke and got to know one another, the longer I felt I had known him. Talking with him almost felt like talking with my best friend since preschool.

Just as conversation was beginning to die down a bit, Felix's phone buzzed from the table. He quickly picked it up and checked the notification. I watched him read the words sprawled across his screen, his smile slightly falling.

"Have to go back to the JYP building?" I inquired.

"Yeah. We have a performance in a few days, so we've been drilling pretty hard lately. I'm honestly kinda surprised that I didn't get called back sooner. It's been a few hours since I left," he explained while rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Well, I've already kept you here longer than I probably should have. I don't want to get you in trouble with your members or any staff."

"I suppose you have a point... but how about you come with me?"

"...come with you?"

"Yeah, come with me to JYP, meet my members, watch us practice. Everyone there has to meet you eventually since we're soulmates and all, so why not take care of it sooner rather than later?"

"I don't really have any other specific plans for today, so it could work. But are you sure bringing me won't get you in trouble?"

"As long as it doesn't interfere with our work, you should be good to go. I'm sure you'll be fine. It's not like you're gonna run around wreaking havoc or anything."

"Okay, let's head out then."

We quickly cleaned the living area, grabbed what we needed, and made our way back to the entrance of my building. Hailing the closest cab, Felix and I got in. He gave the cab driver the address to the JYP building and we were on our way.

I guess I'm meeting the rest of Stray Kids now.

<prev  |  next>

[ofvivicnnes-blog]

                 hi everyone ! my name’s 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖒 and i’m really happy and excited to be here ! i was in a group a v long time ago that had the points system before, so it’s really cool to be a part of a group that has a similar concept ( so shout out to the admins ) ! anyways, i’m 21+ and my pronouns are she/her, but they/them is okay as well. i’ve had kehlani’s mixtape on repeat pretty much since it came out, i have an affinity for writing intros at 2am while simultaneously working on editing themes, i’d let yeji choke me with her ponytails, and jackson wang owns my ass ! this is my very first time i’ll be playing kang seulgi after seeing exactly one (1) image of her on pinterest, and i hope i can do her justice with my mess of a child, vivienne ! 

“who are you & what is one thing that people would know you for ?” 

‘ i don’t know who i am -- i’m a lot of things. on the surface, i’m a daughter. i’m a former idol and a girl who’s still chasing her dreams. i’m vivienne, always, but i haven’t discovered who i am underneath all of that yet. one thing people know me for is my personal life. it’s not all that pretty. ’

“if there is one thing you could change about your career, what would it be ?”

‘ hm, i don’t know if there’s anything i would change, but i wish there were some moments i could have done a bit differently. my career as been great, but it’s nowhere near perfect and it never will be. ’

“what are you willing to do to be in the top ten ?”

‘ anything, but within reason. truth be told, i’m not afraid of anything that might get thrown my way, but i’m not saying i would throw someone under the bus ... not yet, anyways ! ’

name  :  vivienne ba-rom park.

nickname(s)  :  viv, vivi, & v.

age  :  twenty-four ( 24 ).

birthday  :  february 8th, 1995.

zodiac  :  aquarius.

moral alignment  :  chaotic neutral.

gender  :  cisfemale.

pronouns  :  she/her.

height  :  5′6″ ( five foot six inches ).

hometown  :  santa clarita, california.

nationality  :  korean-american.

ethnicity  :  korean.

occupation  : former k-idol, solo artist & dancer.

label(s)  :  the intangible concept, the lost soul & the sybarite.

aesthetics  :  glittery eyeshadow, roses on silk sheets, stained wine glasses, wire rimmed glasses, bare feet in the mornings, messy ponytails, ignored alarms, clear boots, shoes with red soles, messy bedrooms, diamonds, gold jewelry, oversized sweaters, strawberry chapstick under red lipstick, sexual tension, golden sunset, hickeys, long eyelashes & flushed cheeks, fuzzy socks, bright lights on a stage, disco balls, concerts, screaming until you lose your voice, love confessions, holding hands, sharp eyeliner, face masks, ripped denim jackets, fluffy clouds, drinking with friends, red wine, ignoring texts & making eye contact with someone you like.

          vivienne park was born on a cold ( california cold, that is ) february morning to na-young & nam-il park in santa clarita, california. vivienne was a happy baby that brought her parents joy, as they only had intentions to have one child and give them the world. if only the young couple knew that their daughter would grow up to be something like a thorn in their side, expensive perfume, 

          middle school was the time when the couple noticed a chance in their daughter. she wanted to be dropped off a block away from her school, she had a terrible habit of defying her school’s uniform dress code & mostly kept to herself, never inviting friends over for typical things like sleepovers. after watching from afar, vivienne’s parents questioned their daughter as to why she was acting this way. turns out, she didn’t like that her parents drove an older car in comparison to the other kids, whose parents drove newer & fancier cars. she thought the school’s uniform was stupid & it was hard for her to make friends with the other girls because she didn’t have the latest clothing trends or the latest gadgets.

          to put it simply, vivienne believed that she was supposed to have more & that she was ENTITLED to having more, but her parents weren’t able to provide that. her father was an elementary school teacher & her mom was a nurse, so the family lived comfortably, but nowhere near as lavishly as her classmates. vivienne wanted the pricey handbags & shoes, the beautiful blown-out hair & essentially whatever she wanted, so there were a lot of over the top arguments between vivienne & her parents whenever they said, ‘ no, vivienne. you cannot have a handbag that costs a semester’s worth of tuition. ’ 

          despite her slightly selfish & materialistic ways, vivienne was very interested in music at this time. she spent a lot of her time singing in her church’s choir & she was in the theater club at her school, so her life completely changed when she was introduced to k-pop by one of her friends in seventh grade. she immersed herself into the genre & became the girl who spent her time learning the choreography to her favorite songs. by the time high school rolled around, vivienne set her sights on becoming an idol & while her parents thought her dream was a little far-fetched, they eventually allowed vivienne to leave santa clarita for seoul in order to audition for one of the companies. 

          she lived with her aunt for a few weeks before she successfully auditioned ( at the age of fifteen ) & moved into the dorms with fellow trainees. vivienne thought she was doing well, but during her time as a trainee was the first time she felt constant rejection due to always being overlooked when it came to debuting. so, she trained hard for two years & debuted with her group NIGHTMARE x PARADISE in 2012 ! vivienne was the lead vocalist & rapper of the trio, went by ‘vivi’ & they debuted with their ep twinkle. NxP found success with their group & their debut was very well received. they remained together until early 2016, after vivienne was the last to debut as a solo artist with her ep i just wanna dance.

          after NxP’s breakup, vivienne’s bandmates found success in their new ventures, while vivienne slightly spiraled. she was now 21 & after spending the last four years with her bandmates, so she wasn’t really sure of what to do next. vivienne took a hiatus from music ( minus one song she released with far east movement titled don’t speak ) & she then found herself in a relationship with an idol from another company ( think jennie & kai with the way their ‘relationship’ was exposed ). hmm, if i’m being honest i’d love to have that as a wanted connection ( if it fits with your muse ! ) they tried keeping it on the down low since her boyfriend wasn’t supposed to be dating, but a few sneaky fans of his group snapped pictures of them leaving a hotel, so that sparked off a lot of controversy.

          vivienne’s boyfriend had been training to be an idol for a very long time & she didn’t want to be blamed for ‘ruining’ their career, so she decided to end the relationship after four months of dating secretly. one thing that continued to happen was the hate she received on her socials for dating the previously mentioned idol. vivienne liked to believe that she was a girl that didn’t allow anything to get to her, but the constant berating & harassment caused her to delete her accounts and move back to california, where she decided to debut as a solo artist. within a few weeks, vivienne found herself in yet another scandal when she was caught leaving a club with some prominent figure in los angeles, which caused her to fall under the scrutiny of the media & the public once again.

          she was dubbed as something of a sleaze, so she decided to start living up to that title. she returned to social media, but fans of vivienne during her NxP days were a little confused at her new personality ( which is all truly a well constructed act ). the scandal brought her some attention, so she released remember me, the theme song of the disney film coco in 2017. she released her first song as a solo artist, over my skin, in 2018 & signed to columbia records. currently, vivienne’s working on more music & other ventures, but doesn’t really know when she’s going to be releasing anything. vivienne currently lives in a super cute dtla apartment & she finally stopped being a punk towards her parents, so their relationship is better than ever !

          as for her personality, vivienne is very much the girl who puts on a facade. that’s not entirely weird when on stage because different eras usually means a different ‘personality’, but to the public she kind of carries herself as the girl who doesn’t care & she’s like a sexual deviant aka sexually liberated, but in reality she’s the polar opposite. to the public, she’s the girl who’ll be plastered on supermarket tabloids because she got a little too drunk at an album release party or she got papped with some other guy. in reality, she cares ( probably too much ) about what other people think of her, she hates when she feels like people are talking about her when she’s only a few feet away & she truly wants to be liked for who she is & not for what she can do. while her debut as a solo artist has been well received, she does sometimes get overwhelmed with the feeling that she’ll never reach that level of stardom again. tl;dr: she’s actually really nice & really wants to do well in her chosen career, especially now as a solo artist but she’s more than likely going about it the wrong way.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wan High Weeping (Part 8)

For those who have trouble with such themes; this is the suicide mention chapter.

Aang felt caught up in the middle of something he really had no place in. He didn’t know how he got dragged into this one at all. Whatever Suki had said to Sokka, it had the usually upbeat man in a fit. And because he was in a fit, so was Katara.

 Katara who tearfully called him the night before to ask for advice. Apparently, it would be betraying Sokka to continue talking with Suki, but she liked Suki and Suki was her only ally right now and she really, really needed a true companion especially now that Sokka had, as she put it, abandoned her. He sighed to himself before texting, ‘I’m an ally to right?’ He regretted it as soon as he hit send. He had just made things about himself so he quickly apologized and added that she shouldn’t let Sokka control who she talked to. He thought of adding that she should tell them to be adults and talk it over. But he knew Sokka and he was well aware that, as wonderful a friend as he was, had could be less mature than Aang himself. And that right there was saying something, Aang didn’t know many people who acted more childish than he.

 He put his phone aside and popped his earbuds in. He could go for some indie pop and doodling. He wanted to have something to show Yengchan. Even if she wouldn’t be grading it. He groaned to himself, remembering that he didn’t have her for art this time around. No, this time, he was stuck with that kooky new art teacher, Joodee.

He only had a few days’ worth of classes with her and she was already weirding him out. She seemed to have a thing for standing directly behind him, breathing down his neck, as he tried to paint. Not that he was the only one she did that to.

 His phone buzzed and he almost didn’t want to read the message.

 This time it was Sokka. ‘Girls are a pain, dude. You’re lucky you’re gay.’

 He was going to have to respond to that one later. As much as he loved Sokka, the man wasn’t very sensitive. He told the man time and time again not to say things like that, because he certainly didn’t feel lucky with Chan calling him a ‘faggot’ among other, very slap worthy, things. But in that moment, he did feel at least a little lucky; relationships were so complicated. He began to wonder if it was worth seeking one out at all. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about surprise babies with any of his partners.  

 Maybe he should call Toph and ask her how to approach the situation. But at the same time he didn’t want to share secrets that weren’t his to begin with. He peered at his phone. The text alert popped up again reading, ‘Girls are a pain…” He really ought to turn off the second alert so he wouldn’t have to see the same message he was trying to ignore, twice.  

 His phone went off again and he cringed. In general psychology he was learning about good ol’ classical conditioning—he was almost certain that he was being classically conditioned to dread the sound of text alerts. He could probably write his end of the year psychology report on that.

 A buzz.

Another message.

 That time he picked up the phone. There was another message from Katara and one from—he breathed a sigh of relief—Toph.

 ‘What’s good TT!?’

 He chuckled. Since when was she using ‘TT’ to abbreviate ‘Twinkle Toes’. Before jumping into the harder topics, he asked her just that.

 He looked at Katara’s message. ‘Yes, Aang, you’re an ally. But we don’t have any classes together, you know? I guess, but Sokka and I…’ the message cut off. Just as he was about to ask, another comes in. ‘We were always so close. But ever since he went off to university, he’s been pulling away.’

 That message actually brought him a sense of relief. He thought that Sokka was just snubbing him, it would seem that he was distancing himself from everyone. Maybe he had found new ‘cooler’ college friends. He texted Katara back, ‘which is exactly why you should do what you want.’ For good measure he added, ‘Sokka isn’t being kind of a jerk and Suki needs a friend.’

 His fingers hovered over Sokka’s message.

But he couldn’t seem to get any further than that.

 .oOo.

 Aang woke up to the sound of his phone playing TGIF, as completely dorky as it was, little things like that helped boost his mood. If he could wake up singing, then the day might not be so bad after all. He dressed himself and grabbed an apple and a frosting-free cinnamon pop-tart and headed for the bus stop. He was running a little late so he would have to eat on the bus.

 He took his seat and began munching. “Oh no. Oh no!” He leapt out of his seat. “Stop the bus!”

 The bus driver cocked her head to the side, “we’re already moving, kid. What’s the problem.”

 “I forgot my backpack.”

 The woman nodded. “Tough luck, kid.”

 He dropped to his seat feeling completely defeated. “Oh man, this sucks.” Now all of his homework was going to take late grades and he would get ‘unprepared’ strikes in all of his classes. He just hopped that since it was the first week they would show some mercy.

 The bus came to another stop and he thought about getting off and sprinting back to his house. He was pretty quick—so quick in fact that his P.E teacher, Mr. Kuruk asked him to join the track team. But he doubted that he could keep up with a bus. He sighed.

 Toph flopped down in the seat next to him.  She was wearing the same sweater she wore the day before. He didn’t think that he’d ever seen her wear the same thing twice before, she had so many clothes.

Had…

 “You ready for today’s sit ‘n snivel assembly?” Toph asked.

 Aang snickered, he knew that he shouldn’t have, this time around the assembly seemed pretty serious. Ruon-Jian had given him quite a hard time after finding out about the crush Aang had on him, but he was still ready to snivel for the boy.

Truth be told, Aang didn’t know what had happened exactly. There was a party—the very same party Suki and Sokka had dragged him to—and then a few months later there was a body. Aang didn’t know the detail and he was afraid to find out. He didn’t like to think that there was a killer in the school.

 “I guess I’m as ready as I can be, Toph. You know that I don’t like these things.” He was only a freshmen but he has had his share of dismal assemblies. When he was in his second year of middle school one of his grademates was taken in a car accident as her mother was driving her to choir practice. He had no connection to her whatsoever and he still wanted to cry.

 “Geez, Twinkle Toes, you’re a sensitive little guy.” She bumped him on his arm. But he could hear the somber in her voice, he imagined that she liked the idea of an in-school memorial service as little as she. He could only imagine what Chan was going through right now. “If you need to cry, I brought a box of tissues just for you.” She rustled around her backpack—the same one she used last year, a little worn and beaten—and pulled out a box. “I got you the ultra-soft ones, for your baby skin.”

 That time he laughed unburdened. “You’re the best, Toph.”

 .oOo.

 Homeroom passed by too quickly. Even with Smellerbee chucking crumpled paper balls at him. Wasn’t it enough for her to hog the soccer ball during practice? She had to make homeroom difficult too. As the bell rang, one final paper ball collided with the back of his head.

That one had writing.

He knew that he wouldn’t like what he read, but curiosity got the better of him; ‘Hey pixie puff, good luck next hour, must be hard knowing your man crush is dead. Btw, Jet says to try to stop looking at his goods!’

 Aang flushed. For one thing, Jet’s goods were the last place his eyes could be found. He was more of an abs guy. If any of the cool kids had to worry, it was Chan. He put all of his energy into being offended by that, so he wouldn’t have to address the first part of the note.

 He followed the crowd to the auditorium. It was overflowing to the point where they had to bring in extra chairs. He scoped the place for Toph. Once he found her, he snuck away from his class and sat next to her—there went the one rule he allowed himself to purposefully break for the year.  He needed to cut himself some slack, he was going to need a shoulder. He truly wished that he had asked Roku to be exempt from this kind of thing.

 Roku stood at the podium. The backdrop he stood in front of was a large portrait of Ruon-Jian draped with flowers and notes of well wishes. A few candles added a false sense of warmth and comfort to the occasion. “Myself and the Matsanoro family would like to thank you all for coming.”

 “Like we had a choice.” He heard Teo mumble. Aang wanted to think that the words were half-hearted, the product of pent up anger.

 “As you all know, we lost a student last December. One of Wan High’s star athletes and a fine, respectable young man and good friend to many.”

 Aang glanced at Teo in time to catch the eyeroll.  

He scanned the other faces. He first picked out Chan whose expression was curiously blank—a storm was stirring beneath, Aang speculated. Jet stood next to him also seeming curiously uncaring.  He expected to see Azula there, but she was a little further to the right, standing between Zuko—he had finally showed up?—and Mai.

TyLee, next to Mai, was weeping bucketloads. Aang hadn’t realized that she and Ruon were particularly close. Mai herself was as indifferent as always. Zuko, seemed almost delighted at the passing of one of his rivals. Aang made a mental not to keep his distance.

 It would seem that most people either didn’t care that Ruon-Jian was gone or relished in it. He brought his stare to Azula, at first he found the misty-eyed gaze to be rather uncharacteristic of her. And then he recalled at once, that she had been rather close with Ruon, more so than she was with Chan.  The school must be in a state of vileness, if Azula was among the more compassionate.

Usha was crying too, but it was entirely played up, more or less to make herself the center of attention.

“Man, those tears are about as real as her boobs!” Toph crassly confirmed his own speculations.

 “Ruon-Jain’s passing was completely preventable.” Roku noted, leaving Aang to curse himself for missing most of the speech; the important part of it. “Which is why I would like to make everyone aware of what to look out for.” He paused. “Loss of interest, tiredness, and angry outbursts.”

 A part of Aang shriveled up on the inside. He snatched on of the tissues Toph had so kindly given him and dabbed at his eyes. He was putting the pieces together.

 “If you notice any odd behavior—a sudden elation in mood for example—or a friend giving you items a value without warning or explanation, please contact a parent or a staff member immediately.” Roku allowed a moment of processing before continuing. “With that in mind I would like to open up a chance to meet with any one of our social workers.”

 Aang caught sight of Mai shuffling awkwardly.

  “If you don’t feel comfortable doing so, I will be passing out pamphlets with help hotlines.”

 Aang’s chest felt tight. On one had he didn’t have to fret over a school murderer. On the other hand, it was only his freshmen year and he had already attended his first suicide prevention-oriented assembly. Irrationally he thought that he was responsible. If only he hadn’t laid things on so strongly, maybe then Ruon-Jian would have talked to him.  All at once, he wondered if he should check on Suki and Katara, they were having a pretty tough time. “Hey, Toph, you’d tell me if you needed anything right.”

 “Yeesh, Twinkle Toes, you are taking this hard.” Toph muttered. This time she knew when to drop the class clown thing. “Of course I would, Aang.”

[sp4c3-0ddity]

This may be a weird request but can you do a Plance high school fic w/ Pidge singing in the choir room alone and Lance just passes by and hears her amazing voice so he decides to join in. I know like I said weird but I think it's cute.

so like a High School Musical AU right well i tried but i was never in choir and my knowledge of music in general is so outdated (so you can imagine whatever song you like in the right place) but i hope you like it!!

Lance meandered down the empty hallway from the chemistrylab to the gymnasium. The silence was eerie, enough that he ran his hands alongthe locks in the lockers, producing some sound other than his own footsteps.Usually other students filled the halls when Lance left his last class for after schoolsoccer practice, but after a mishap in chemistry his teacher had forced him tostay behind and help clean up.

Which was fair, Lance supposed, if inconvenient; oh, hiscoach would bite his head off for missing the first half hour of practice.

It was only the first week after winter break, so even themusic hall was quiet…except for a high, clear voice coming from the choir room.

Curious, Lance wandered a little out of his way towards thechoir room and peeked inside. His eyes narrowed, trying to see through the thinwhite curtain covering the window, but after a few seconds – as the singingcontinued – Lance took a chance and slowly turned the knob, pushing the dooropen on blessedly silent hinges.

After opening the door – just a crack, not enough for anyonewithin to notice hopefully – Lance could hear the lyrics of the song the personinside was singing…and he knew it! But why were they singing a duet alone? He bit his lip, resisting theurge to join in favor of watching the singer rehearse.

Short and slight, Pidge – his old friend, to whom he hadn’treally spoken since middle school – stood close to the center of the room, in frontof the raised levels that the choir sat on while rehearsing or performing. Shehad a music stand in front of her, eyebrows scrunched up while she scanned the music;but she stopped abruptly, mid-note and mid-word.

“God dammit,” she grumbled. She turned a page, quiet as sheexamined her sheet music.

Lance leaned just a bit closer, trying not to put too muchweight on the door so it wouldn’t swing open without his permission.

Pidge then pinched her eyes shut and started the song againfrom the beginning, her voice clear and high, hitting all the notes perfectly –though in Lance’s opinion she lacked the passion required of the song.

But this time, when she paused at the start of a verse thatwould belong to the other participant in the duet, Lance joined in.

Pidge turned her head rapidly at the sound of his voice,eyes widening when they fell on him, but Lance wasn’t deterred. He pushed thedoor open all the way and approached her, and when he reached the end of theverse, he nodded to her to join him in singing the chorus.

To his surprise, she did, their voices mingling well, histenor to her mezzo soprano, though he was out of practice and didn’t hit allthe notes. A fact of which he was quite self-conscious of, but when theyreached the end of the song, Pidge didn’t criticize his singing.

No, she immediately demanded, “What the hell, Lance?”

“What?” Lance said, raising his arms defensively. “Youseemed stuck so I helped you.”

“You were…eavesdroppingon my rehearsal!” Pidge retorted. She furiously flipped through her sheetmusic before slamming her folder shut. “I had it handled.”

“Sure, of course you did,” Lance told her. He propped anelbow on the top of the music stand, smiling when she looked up at his face. “Anyway,I thought you didn’t like singing duets.”

“How would you know?” Pidge asked without a hint of malice,her eyebrow raised in surprise.

“Well, you mentioned they made you…uncomfortable once?”Lance rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly uncomfortable for some reason.Maybe it was odd that he remembered that particular fact about her?

“I’ve barely spoken to you since middle school,” Pidge said.

“Then you mentioned it then?” Lance suggested. When shestill only stared at him in response, he added, “I have a good memory?”

“Guess so,” she said. She rolled her eyes, then sighed andadmitted, “You’re right though. I just…my teacher recommended I practice singingduets if I want to get a solo.”

“Hmm, that sounds a bit counterintuitive.”

Pidge flung her arms out in frustration. “That’s what I said! But apparently she thinks I needto be more versatile.”

“Hey, she’s probably not wrong,” Lance conceded, but whenPidge shot him an indignant glance, he elaborated, “I’m just saying, maybe it’sbetter to be good at a lot of things? I mean, I don’t want to brag—”

“Good to know you haven’t changed much.”

“—but I’m an awesome midfielder. And yet, I can play any positionif I’m called upon, you know?” He grinned at her, hoping she took his meaning.

Pidge raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ve been to a few of yourgames—”

“You have?”

“—and you’re a better midfielder than you are anything else.”She crossed her arms. “But I guess you have a point.”

“See?” Lance pressed a thumb against his chest. “I can besmart.”

“I never said you couldn’t be,” Pidge mumbled, eyes driftingso that they fixed on something just behind him.

Lance smiled, a little awkwardly, at the reminder of theirold friendship. And why shouldn’t they be friends again? Why’d they even stopin the first place? “Hey,” he said, drawing Pidge’s attention back to his face.“We sang pretty well together today, right?”

“Right…” Pidge said cautiously.

“So why don’t I helpyou out?” he said. She opened her mouth, looking ready to contradict him, but heplowed on, “Look, if you want to do something for me in return, my chemistrygrade’s not too great.”

Pidge sighed, then propped her arms on the edge of her musicstand, leaning towards him slightly. “Fine,” she agreed. “I will accept yourhelp until I’m more comfortable doing duets, or until I get a solo.”

“So when do you want to start?” Lance wondered with a pleasedgrin, a welcome flash of triumph infecting his mood. “Now?”

Pidge eyed the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “You meanyou’re not late to soccer practice?”

“Oh, shit,” Lance said, eyes widening. He laughed sheepishlyand turned to go. “I’ll call you then?”

“You don’t have my number,” she pointed out.

“Then I’ll find you tomorrow during lunch,” he said,shrugging. “We have the same one, right?”

“Right,” Pidge said, and she smiled.

Lance flashed a grin of his own over his shoulder before heleft, and despite his dread at his coach’s likely scolding, there was a springin his step the rest of the way to soccer practice.

[harpers-mirror]

Merry Wolfmas, Days 2 & 3!

So the spirit of the season rather took over my weekend, between driving south to deck the halls with my parents, a large amount of baking, and a party yesterday afternoon/evening, leaving me no time to get shit written. As such, I’m doing a slightly longer piece than planned (these were supposed to be short things, damn it!) that will be posted in several parts to cover the missed days and today.

Here’s part one of another brand-new adventure in the Blow Us All Away AU, this time from the POV of Minkowski’s eldest daughter Margot, and set further along in the timeline than @wendy-comet and I had ever ventured.

title:  and did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts, pt. 1

rating: PG for swearing

summary: The ghosts of the past refuse to stay buried forever. Especially when you go around digging them up. After an overheard conversation piques her curiosity, Margot Minkowski-Koudelka embarks on a search to learn the truth about her family’s past.

 Story under the jump.

Dropping my backpack on the bench by the back door, I kicked off my shoes and hung up my coat. Choir practice had been canceled and so I was home way earlier than normal after school. A whole extra hour and a half of glorious free time!

I snagged an apple on my way through the kitchen as I headed farther into the house to announce my arrival home.

“So what does this mean? For us, that is?”

The sound of hushed voices from Dad’s office slowed my steps and I hovered quietly outside the door. I don’t make a habit of eavesdropping on the adults in my house, but this sounded both important and potentially interesting.

So I didn’t have entirely pure motives. Sue me.

“I don’t know, Nik,” responded my mom. She sounded tired. “I really don’t. We never figured Goddard would agree to release the records, so I never really thought too much about this particular circumstance.”

“God,” Uncle Doug chimed in. “There was a time when I’d have thrown a parade at this kind of news. All that shit coming to light? The bastards at the top having to answer for the shit they did to us? But now...” He paused.

Whoa. Normally Mom would have yelled at Uncle Doug for swearing that much - although, now that I thought about it, she probably didn’t do that when my siblings and I weren’t around. That said, what on earth was going on here? This sounded super-serious and very dramatic.

“Now you’d give anything just to make it go away, rather than coming back to haunt your every waking step?” finished Mom.

“Exactly, boss.” Uncle Doug made a muffled sort of sighing noise. “I never wanted the kids to know about this. About... y’know. All of it.”

Um, okay. What exactly were they talking about? ‘Haunt their every step?’ What information? Jesus, had they all killed someone or been in a cult? This was way too Desperate Housewives to be everyday life.

Creeping backwards down the hall, I slipped back into the kitchen and opened the back door, before shutting it loudly. Picking up my bag and dropping it with an audible thump, I pretended I’d just gotten home.

“Mom? Dad?” I called. Did my voice sound as tremulous to them as it did to me? I hoped not.

Mom came hurrying down the hall towards me. She looked awful - her face was unhealthily pale and she looked shaky.

“Honey, you’re home early! Is everything okay?” Her voice sounded as forced-calm as my own. I played dumb.

“Everything’s fine, Mom. Mr. Eberhart was out sick today and I guess they didn’t want to make the sub stay after and deal with us any longer. Practice was cancelled. We have a makeup session next Thursday, so we don’t lose out on rehearsal time before the Christmas concert.”

Mom looked visibly relieved and I pretended not to notice. “Okay,” she sighed. “That’s fine, sweetie. Do me a favor and remind me later so I can update the calendar?”

“Yeah!” piped up Uncle Doug, joining us in the hall “Wouldn’t want you off at practice thinking we know what’s going on, and have us sitting around here not knowing where you are and worrying you’ve been kidnapped by shadowy government agents!”

Mom shot him a look that could have melted the Arctic Circle and he visibly wilted. I saw him mouth the word “sorry” to her and she sighed again.

“Anyway,” I said, wondering if all the adults in my house had been replaced by alien doppelgangers with only the barest idea of how to act like normal people, “if you need me, I’ll be upstairs. Might as well get started on some of the stuff I have due right before break since I’ve got some extra time.”

Uncle Doug chuckled. “She really is your kid, Minkowski,” I heard him say as I headed up the stairs. If she answered him back, I did hear it.

In my room, I leaned against the closed door for a moment, eyes shut, processing everything I’d heard. I didn’t know how much I’d missed, and they hadn’t exactly been speaking in super elaborate detail or anything, but my memory was usually pretty decent. I thought I had retained most of it.

I pushed off from the door and grabbed a notebook from my nightstand. Uncapping the pen that had been stuck in the spiral, I started to scribble down as much as I could remember.

Everything I Overheard Just Now:

Someone called Goddard. Goddard Futuristics? (Didn’t they go out of business?) Or the spaceport in Florida? Or something else, maybe a person?

“Release the records,” implication of great secrecy and great harm from the release of them, to both Goddard and my family.

Uncle Doug: “Stuff that was done to us.”

Implication that this stuff has been hidden for a long time.

Okay, great. ‘Clear as mud,’ as my grandmother would say. Well, when in doubt, make more lists.

Questions I Now Have & Maybe Some Answers:

What happened?

Wow, this is vague and not very helpful.

When did it happen? Sounded like a long time ago, probably before I was born.

If it involves all of them... let’s see. Mom & Dad got married in 2009. Mom met Uncle Doug sometime after that, but before I was adopted in 2018. 9 year window, assuming it didn’t happen before or since then.

Who did it happen to? Uncle Doug said stuff was done to “us” - him and mom? Or dad too?

Mom and Uncle Doug met at work, when they were in the military. Connection? I don’t know what they did in the military, just that it was “top secret” and Uncle Doug has joked before about Mom saving his life a bunch of times.

Guessing just Mom and Uncle Doug, because Dad really wasn’t talking much during that conversation.

Why didn’t they want us to know?

Are there actually shadowy government agents involved? Or was that just Uncle Doug being weird? Can’t be sure.

He might be a source of information if I decide to ask - he’s a terrible liar!

I sat back in my chair and sighed. I basically knew nothing except that the grown-ups in my house were hiding something from me. Something about the past, something they didn’t ever want me or my siblings to know, about the military or the government or something else complicated and dark and that scared them.

That last thought made me shiver. Mom was the bravest person I knew. Uncle Doug was always happy. And Dad was like, the chillest person in existence. And all of them were regular boring middle-aged people! Uncle Doug got excited about toys in cereal boxes, and Mom’s idea of a big night out was, like, bowling. Dad traveled a lot for the paper, which was neat, but he was also a huge nerd who liked to bring back bits of obscure trivia from the places he visited.

None of them seemed the kind of people to get sucked into the plots of vague-yet-menacing government agencies. Heck, Uncle Doug couldn’t keep a secret if his life depended on it, and Mom was way too straight-and-narrow to be involved in anything untoward.

This was getting me nowhere. Opening my laptop, I asked Google what it could tell me about “Goddard.” Might as well start small, with the one concrete, searchable thing I had.

Pages of results scrolled by. AI research, old space shuttle launches and newer probes. Social media results for a handful of people with the same name. A family genealogy page.

And then, a result that I almost scrolled past in my skimming. It was a post on a conspiracy theories forum. Clicking through, I found a site that didn’t look as though it had been updated since the early days of the internet.

“GODDARD FUTURISTICS TO RELEASE LONG-SEALED HEPHAESTUS, HERMES RECORDS” said the post’s headline. The body of the post went on for paragraphs but I lingered over that title for a moment.

I knew the names Hephaestus and Hermes from school, from the unit we’d done in English class two years ago on the myths of the ancient Greeks and Romans. Hephaestus, the smith-god, and Hermes, the winged messenger. What they or their stories had to do with my parents, I didn’t have a clue. But the reference to records being released... that matched with what I’d overheard.

Settling myself more comfortably in my desk chair, I started scrolling through the text of the post.

To be continued...

[sundaymomma-ing]

I do not understand. The busyness culture I mean. Why do we do it? Why do we run this race? Why have we bought the lie that more equals better? Why do we feel guilt if we aren’t doing all of the activities, all of the classes, all of the things? I’m going to take this from a slightly different vantage point; one of a stay at home mom who homeschools three of her five children.

I have long ago decided to walk a different path than most. I am not average nor do I strive to be. I am weird, I am different, I stand out a bit from the modern-American norm. It’s who I am and I am comfortable enough in my identity in Christ to trust that this is who I was designed to be. This person who I am? She sees all of these moms, frazzled and crazed, and she wonders why they do this to themselves. She thinks, these are great women, women who are brilliant, and kind, and beautiful, what are they running so hard and fast toward? It happens every year in the Autumn, my Facebook feed fills up with adorable back to school photos. Then the mommas are all writing sappy, teary-eyed posts about how they are so sad that their babies had to leave. Some moms post about how difficult it was for their kindergartner to ride the bus or be left in that big classroom. They post about their second grader’s exhaustion, falling asleep at the dinner table. They post about their middle schooler’s extra-sassy behavior as they cart her to yet another extra-curricular activity. They wonder when they’ll ever see their teen because of all the activities the child is involved in. Are these moms serious?

  Hold up, I don’t even want to talk about those moms here. I homeschool. I stay home and have no side-business that I run from home. I could never judge those moms because I am not in their shoes. No, I want to figure out why I feel all of this pressure to do more, to be more, to have more. I stay home because my husband and I agree that the best person to raise our kids is us. God entrusted these people to our care and we don’t take that responsibility lightly. I homeschool because we agree that no one knows our kids better than me, and no one could walk beside them through their educational journey like I will. We may differ in philosophy, but we agree on why we keep the little ones home.

As these little people have begun to grow, I’ve felt pressured to add activities to our days. The homeschooling community is not the weird, un-socialized cliche that it once was, I am assuming you know this. There are more activities available to my children than I could list here. Once you have found your people, there is really no end to the days you can fill, and because most children are endlessly interested in trying everything you can not rely on them to filter the best choices for themselves. As a mom I have told my daughter “no” to more extra-curriculars than I can count, and she’s only nine years old. I have seen the insanity of a packed schedule and know that it’s not where I want to live.

So here is my question as each new, good option presents itself; what value does this bring? We added ballet to our schedule this year; my child has been asking for five years for dance or gymnastics and this year we found a safe place for that to happen. When I looked to the value, I could see the discipline, the friendships, the focus, the hard work. I also only saw one hour out of my whole week, add in drive time and getting ready and I thought two hours max. This was something we could do. I didn’t factor in forty minutes of practice every day and now I am praying that the benefit will outweigh the cost in time to our family. Even with practice we aren’t running ragged though. My kids will remember all of the days we stayed home to play. The days spent reading in Dad’s chair and sitting at the kitchen table for math. I won’t wish we had more time together because I am intentional about my time with them. I refuse to give away the “little” years so that they can have all of these opportunities.

The opportunities are many and the pressure is great. If I don’t put my kid in dance and choir, scouts, sports…how will they be enriched? Where will they find themselves? How will they know where their passions lay? If I take a mostly hands-off approach, allowing my kids to simply play, will they not be just as fulfilled as their peers who are scheduled 12 hours each day? I say they will and more so! By allowing my children to “just be” they figure out who they are, what they like, how they want to be treated, what they want to fill their time with. Maybe a thing will stick with them, like dance did, continuing to be on her wish list for multiple years. By following her lead and giving her time to long for it, the class holds more value for her than any number of other opportunities casually tossed her way could have. And that’s the thing, she sees the value in it, so it isn’t a chore or a hassle or one-more-thing-to-do. I don’t use dance as a bargaining tool, but she knows how it must fit into our day and that sacrifices to play time must be made to incorporate practice and rehearsal.

Here is the flip-side, my six year-old is quiet. I don’t mean he is a quiet boy who rarely makes noise, rather he stands back, doesn’t want to be in front of a crowd. He is often afraid of activities though they are the same as they have been for many weeks. He holds back at the beginning of youth group every single Wednesday. He walks with me to co-op instead of running ahead with his sister. He refuses new choices because of a fear of the unknown. I worry over this lack of choosing too. I wanted him to try something new this year and it took weeks of talking about it and offering it to him before he actually went to the group. He needs the security of sameness to feel comfortable at a new activity or class, something that is not possible. This is part of the reason that I know teaching him at home is the best choice for him. He can rely on the stability of our home environment, trust in it’s sameness, be comforted in the relative boredom. New activities can still be a little scary, but they are small pieces of his week. He doesn’t have to live in those places every single day.

My question holds true for this child as well. What value will he get from this activity that may be perceived as scary or unwanted? Will going to soccer practice once a week make him a professional athlete someday? No, it will not. It may help him find a love of movement, comfort in the camaraderie of team mates. It may make him a teensy bit braver next time. Will my insisting on him trying the next thing help him overcome his fear of trying in the long run? I pray that it will. I don’t want the child to live fearfully, I want him to be bold in his choices and I hope that the environment we have created gives him the chance to grow into that kind of person.

As I struggle with this balance of too many versus too few activities on our calendar, I aim to meet each child in the middle. To teach them that all of these options are good, but that we can not do all of the good things. As they grow I believe this will be an important skill for them, a tool they can use to not lose their inner voice. I hope it helps them learn that no is a good answer if it is true to their heart, while still being willing to say yes even if it may be a bit scary. I also hope that by working through these choices with them now, while they are small, they will find things they are passionate about. That they will carry not just those activities with them into adulthood, but the ability to choose what is right.

As I look ahead, I don’t see the activity load lessening. I will have to work to keep the white-space on my calendar. I hope that in providing down time, offering opportunities, listening to their opinions, that they will see the value in those breaks in the schedule. That they will be thankful for time to just be. That they will learn to appreciate the quiet and the loud, the slow and the busy. Also, that they will more easily work toward that balance in their adult lives, because of these lessons. Of course, this understanding is important for them. Really though, I am so pleased to have learned these things about myself, to know what I need from the quiet hours of my days and from the busy ones as well. To trust my answers to be true to those needs, without fear of either adding too much, or letting others down because I know myself well.

  Over-Scheduled I do not understand. The busyness culture I mean. Why do we do it? Why do we run this race?